Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - March 27, 2018


Get Off My Lawn #36 | Fighting Solves Everything

Topics
fighting fistfights circle kick fight fighting masculinity violence scams
Hosted by
Gavin McInnes
Mentioned
Jack Ryan Barry Manilow Jeff Shane Smith Yuri Barry Pablo Potato Head Harry Miller Mein Kampf Tim Curry Kung Fu Wolverine Anthony Cibarelli Michael Jackson Grant Belford Ronda Rousey Muhammad Ali Adam Sandler Tom Shalhoub Steven Snipp and 21 more
Get Off My Lawn #104 | Death & Taxis Get Off My Lawn #106 | Bootin' Putin

Episode Stats


Length

57 minutes

Words per minute

172.03

Word count

9,863

Sentence count

914

Harmful content

Misogyny

39

sentences flagged

Toxicity

197

sentences flagged

Hate speech

53

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

We need to get back to fighting, because it s a healthy pastime for men, not women, and it s good to tell fight stories about the times we ve been punched in the face and how it s made us feel good. And it s not about winning or losing, it s about how you feel after you ve been hit in the head with a punch. And that s good, because you can always tell a guy who hasn t been punched, because they don t have a good attitude. They have a shitty attitude. And when you ve ever been punched down, you re not going to have a bad attitude about it, because fighting solves everything. In other words, there s no real reason why we shouldn t all be out there fighting. We should all be fighting for the boys, because we re not meant to fight for the girls, we re meant to be out here fighting for each other. And we re good at it, and we re all in it together, so why not get back into the ring and get back in the ring? with each other s brouhahaha! or at least get into a fight. And we ll talk about the beef between the mods and the rockers in the 60s and 70s, and how they were cool, and the beef we ve always had with the Joes and Christians in the 70s and 80s, because that s cool, too. We re not just beef, we ve got beef, right? We ve all got beef and we ve all been beefing, right here on this episode of Thick & Thin, and now we re talking about beef, so we re just beefing about it. . . . and we don t give a fuck about it . Let s get down to it, baby. Get back to it! Get in on it, y'all. -Jon Soraya Jon - Jon - John - Tom - Ben - Chris - John -- Jon -- Ben Chris Mike Evan Is this episode out here? - What do you think of this ep? -- Is this ep good or bad? ? Do you agree with Jon s beef with the beef, or do you disagree with it? Is it better than the beef better than Jon's beef with Jesus was born on a Thursday?

Transcript

Transcripts from "Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 Fighting solves everything.
00:00:02.000 We need to get back to fighting.
00:00:03.000 I think it's a very healthy pastime for men, not women. 1.00
00:00:06.000 I saw some chick on on Twitter bitching about The Rock's career and how no other, she couldn't think of any woman 0.88
00:00:19.000 Who has had his trajectory.
00:00:22.000 This guy comes from a long line of wrestlers, so he's a giant.
00:00:27.000 And he's in great shape, and he keeps getting picked to be in action movies, especially because he's ethnically ambiguous.
00:00:35.000 Jungle-type movies, where he wears a tan shirt and jumps through palm trees.
00:00:40.000 Uh, yeah, her name is Hands, with an S, Zimmer, Bwah! 1.00
00:00:46.000 Probably a gamer or something, and she has this thing. 1.00
00:00:49.000 Got into an intense argument today with people trying to figure out the female equivalent to The Rock.
00:00:53.000 I got heated, uh oh, because she does not exist. 0.81
00:00:57.000 We as a society do not like women enough to have one. 1.00
00:01:00.000 We don't like women enough to have a major action hero that's female, like The Rock. 1.00
00:01:08.000 That's because women aren't meant to fight. 1.00
00:01:10.000 I forget the stats on their upper body strength, but I think men have 80% more upper body strength than women.
00:01:18.000 You know, you've done push-ups with women. 1.00
00:01:20.000 It's impressive if they can get one.
00:01:24.000 I've never seen a woman do five. 0.97
00:01:26.000 And by the way, the feminist retort to this is, oh yeah, what about this? 1.00
00:01:30.000 And they show you some bodybuilding chick, who's probably a lesbian, who does 50. 1.00
00:01:34.000 And you go, yes, my dear.
00:01:37.000 Now you're proving that women are bad at logic, because that's anecdotal evidence. 1.00
00:01:41.000 Here on Earth, we all know that punch like a girl makes sense, because when girls punch you, it doesn't hurt. 1.00
00:01:47.000 Oh yeah, what about Ronda Rousey?
00:01:49.000 Yes, that would hurt.
00:01:50.000 You found one.
00:01:51.000 Congratulations.
00:01:52.000 Anyway, this is about the boys.
00:01:54.000 Saturday's for the boys.
00:01:56.000 And it's good to fight.
00:01:58.000 And it's fun to tell fight stories.
00:02:00.000 There's something about fighting, again I'm only talking to men here, that changes you forever.
00:02:05.000 That doesn't, and it doesn't matter if you win or lose.
00:02:08.000 In fact, winning doesn't make, really feel that good.
00:02:12.000 Unless it's a really righteous one, like some guys beating up a chick in a bar.
00:02:16.000 It doesn't feel good. 0.99
00:02:22.000 Beating the crap out of someone, like standing over them and punching them in the face doesn't feel great. 0.96
00:02:26.000 And when I go through my sort of mental Rolodex of all my fights, I'll think I remember them all, and the next day I'll go, oh yeah, I forgot that one, where I won. 0.98
00:02:36.000 Because men are obsessed with the times they lost, and much worse than that, the times they didn't do anything.
00:02:44.000 And that's what I want to talk about on this ep.
00:02:47.000 Is this.
00:02:49.000 Police!
00:02:50.000 Call the police!
00:02:52.000 That's assault!
00:02:54.000 Wanting everything to be documented.
00:02:56.000 I understand if two guys have a knife, you want them to pay for that.
00:02:59.000 And there's times, too, where at that Cernovich night for freedom where they grabbed that old man, Antifa did, and they strangled him and, no, punched him so hard he hit the ground, had a heart attack, and they strangled him.
00:03:13.000 And then the guy put the cop in headlock.
00:03:15.000 I want that guy to suffer.
00:03:17.000 I want criminal charges to be made. 0.87
00:03:19.000 But ideally, we live in a world where we would just beat up that guy.
00:03:23.000 And that would be that.
00:03:24.000 You know, the mods and the rockers on Brighton Beach in the 70s and 60s, they used to just go there and just fight.
00:03:32.000 And what was the beef?
00:03:33.000 The beef was the mods liked Northern Soul and they were English nationalists, really.
00:03:41.000 And not in the modern sense where there's any sort of, you know, Nazi connotation, but just like very proud of their English rose.
00:03:50.000 And the Rockabillies, they loved Elvis, and they thought America was cool, and they liked motorbikes, whereas the mods like Vespa scooters.
00:03:58.000 That's it.
00:03:59.000 There's no other fundamental difference.
00:04:01.000 It's sort of like you see these religious conflicts, not Jews versus Christians or Muslim versus Christians, but animosity within the Christian community, and you go, what specifically do you differ on?
00:04:11.000 Oh, we think Jesus was born on a Thursday.
00:04:14.000 Okay, so it's nothing to do with the thing, it's just you want to have beef.
00:04:19.000 You know, the Belgian French hate the Belgian Dutch.
00:04:22.000 And there's no real reason behind it.
00:04:24.000 In other words, they just like fighting.
00:04:26.000 In other words, fighting is great!
00:04:29.000 Fighting solves everything.
00:04:32.000 And you can always tell when you meet a guy whether he's been punched in the face or not. 0.98
00:04:36.000 Because guys who haven't been punched in the face have a shitty attitude. 0.98
00:04:40.000 They talk down to you. 0.99
00:04:42.000 They're snarky.
00:04:43.000 Their ego's too big.
00:04:44.000 They don't have an interrogative tone where there's a possibility they're wrong.
00:04:48.000 Like, isn't it mostly marsupials that hibernate?
00:04:53.000 They go, yeah, marsupials are the ones who hibernate.
00:04:56.000 That's the way it goes.
00:04:58.000 I have no idea what a marsupial is.
00:04:59.000 Isn't that a thing that carries a baby in its pouch?
00:05:03.000 To kangaroos, hibernate.
00:05:05.000 Boy, I should have not slapped through every single class my entire life.
00:05:10.000 I should have listened to one teacher once.
00:05:12.000 Why education?
00:05:14.000 I have learned more in the past five years than I had learned at any time in school.
00:05:19.000 I did not listen at one point.
00:05:21.000 I met a guy the other night, by the way, and he was talking about his kids, and he goes, yeah, my daughter, blah, blah, blah, I have a son, my daughter's kind of intense. 1.00
00:05:27.000 And I go, what, does she wear high-heeled shoes and makeup and tell you to fuck off? 1.00
00:05:30.000 Every dad's worst nightmare, of course. 1.00
00:05:33.000 And he goes, no, no, no, opposite.
00:05:34.000 She's very Catholic, very prim and proper. 0.51
00:05:35.000 And I go, oh, OK.
00:05:38.000 And then somehow we got onto bad kids, and I was definitely a bad kid in school.
00:05:42.000 And he goes, well, I got that out at a very young age, and then I was pretty good, you know, good boy.
00:05:48.000 And they go, what do you mean, like what, high school?
00:05:50.000 And he goes, oh no, no, no, like kindergarten.
00:05:54.000 Pardon me?
00:05:55.000 You were a bad boy in kindergarten, and then you straightened out when you were what, six?
00:06:02.000 You ever heard anything crazier in your life?
00:06:04.000 If you're like a colicky baby, you don't say, yeah, it was kind of a, I was going down the wrong path when I was one week old, but, uh, I turned it around, joined AA and, uh, did, I went to juvie when I was a baby.
00:06:18.000 I didn't know I was just in a little plexiglass thing, fed Nestle breast milk.
00:06:25.000 But, uh, yeah, I turned it around.
00:06:30.000 So, I want to go over some fights I've had, because it's a fun thing.
00:06:33.000 I remember Anthony Cibarelli did a lot of my tattoos.
00:06:36.000 He's the vocalist for Gorilla Biscuits, and we wanted to do a book with him through Vice, and it was just going to be fight stories.
00:06:46.000 I still think it's a great idea.
00:06:47.000 There's a great book I talked about in the book episode called Gig,
00:06:50.000 With just Americans talking about their jobs and it's just two pages, two, three pages about your job. 0.57
00:06:56.000 You could be a janitor.
00:06:57.000 You could be a homeless man who begs for change.
00:06:58.000 That's your job.
00:06:59.000 Or you could be the CEO of Solyndra.
00:07:03.000 We had, the book has all of those.
00:07:04.000 It's fascinating.
00:07:05.000 Great book.
00:07:06.000 And it really helps you decide what you want to do with your life.
00:07:09.000 But a fight book in the same way, like Please Kill Me, one of these talky books that you transcribe.
00:07:14.000 And yeah, the author of Please Kills Me is not a writer.
00:07:16.000 He's a transcriber.
00:07:19.000 Would be a great read.
00:07:20.000 So we got this guy.
00:07:21.000 And then we had some photographer.
00:07:22.000 I forget his name. 0.99
00:07:25.000 Some dork who wore a big hat. 0.99
00:07:27.000 And he came with us. 0.88
00:07:28.000 And I said, let's make it a photo book with cool photo pictures.
00:07:32.000 Photo pictures?
00:07:34.000 Fight pictures of actual fights.
00:07:36.000 Not Muhammad Ali, but you know, street fights and stuff.
00:07:38.000 And then the text.
00:07:39.000 And Civ goes, no, I don't want to do that.
00:07:42.000 This isn't MTV.
00:07:44.000 I want it just to be words.
00:07:46.000 You know, he's a very DIY dude.
00:07:48.000 And I go, okay, I guess it's just words, no pictures.
00:07:51.000 And then the photographer said, I'm going to sue you if you put out this book.
00:07:55.000 And I think he got a lawyer.
00:07:57.000 And I go, what's your case that we decided not to have pictures?
00:08:01.000 He goes, it was our idea, that book.
00:08:03.000 And if you do it, then I'm going to sue.
00:08:06.000 And I think that killed the whole project eventually.
00:08:10.000 And that was the end of that, but I still think it was a great idea because they're all pretty much the same.
00:08:15.000 And I honestly believe that one of the best things about my childhood was fistfights.
00:08:21.000 It was just a thing that was organized.
00:08:23.000 This is in the seventies and the eighties, and you would meet the next day.
00:08:28.000 That was, I have a sensitive stomach because I'm Scottish and we're only used to eating potatoes and roots.
00:08:33.000 So, you know, like Mexican food or stress, I just start farting and have diarrhea instantly.
00:08:41.000 I hated the way it was announced the next day.
00:08:45.000 So, you know, Barry Pablo wants to fight you.
00:08:48.000 He's fighting you tomorrow after school. 0.98
00:08:52.000 Can't you just punch me in the face now and get it over with? 0.98
00:08:55.000 I have to wait more than 24 hours worrying about this fight? 0.99
00:08:59.000 That's the first one that comes to mind, Barry Pablo.
00:09:01.000 I found him on Facebook recently.
00:09:03.000 He's a big athlete.
00:09:05.000 And I go, do you remember this story?
00:09:06.000 And he goes, you're lying.
00:09:07.000 Why would I lie?
00:09:08.000 I think it was even in DM too.
00:09:10.000 I don't know.
00:09:11.000 I can't remember if it was public or not.
00:09:13.000 I don't... Come Across is very cool in this story, but I can't remember why he wanted to fight me often, and I'm not tooting my own horn here, but I was a breathtakingly gorgeous when I was a young man, and so girls would like me, and then the guy who liked that girl would want to beat me up.
00:09:29.000 You know the mentality.
00:09:30.000 I read this in the news recently where some guy was caught trying to murder a girl's boyfriend because he wanted her as his girlfriend.
00:09:38.000 It hasn't worked like that for about 200,000 years.
00:09:41.000 So if we're not living in a cave, you can't beat up the guy the girl likes and hope to get him.
00:09:48.000 But that might have been Barry's beef.
00:09:49.000 I can't remember. 0.99
00:09:51.000 But he wanted to kick my ass and he had pecs and stuff when we were 10. 0.99
00:09:56.000 And so, I remember going home and I was shitting my pants going, I gotta fight Barry tomorrow. 1.00
00:10:01.000 God damn it. 1.00
00:10:02.000 That's gonna suck. 1.00
00:10:04.000 And I sort of had this epiphany after, you know, the diarrhea and the explosive farting. 0.97
00:10:10.000 I just thought, it's going down.
00:10:13.000 We're doing this.
00:10:15.000 And I'm gonna win by any means necessary.
00:10:19.000 So I lined my, I was punk at the time, so we couldn't have been ten, I must have been fourteen actually.
00:10:25.000 Thirteen.
00:10:26.000 So I had this army coat I wore, and I went to my mom's drawer, I went to the kitchen drawer, and I took out these barbecue skewers, you know, for roasting vegetables, and I lined the inside of my coat with four on either side. 0.98
00:10:41.000 What the fuck was that for? 1.00
00:10:43.000 I'm gonna Wolverine his ass? 1.00
00:10:45.000 I'm gonna dip my fingers into each of the four and just come out with these kebabs? 1.00
00:10:51.000 And then what?
00:10:52.000 Impale him? 1.00
00:10:53.000 I'm gonna murder a guy who wants to bonk me on the nose? 1.00
00:10:56.000 That doesn't seem just. 0.99
00:10:59.000 And Wolverine, his whole arm is braced.
00:11:03.000 We're good to go.
00:11:26.000 In the 80s, Bruce Lee was really big and Kung Fu.
00:11:30.000 In fact, I remember going to Scotland every year.
00:11:33.000 It was violence, violence, violence.
00:11:35.000 And then in the early 80s, all of a sudden, no one wanted to fight me because I was from America.
00:11:41.000 Canada is America to foreigners and Americans can do Kung Fu. 1.00
00:11:47.000 And so they go, can you kill people?
00:11:51.000 And I was, you know, 13, 12 at the time. 0.76
00:11:53.000 And I go,
00:11:53.000 Yeah, but we're not supposed to.
00:11:55.000 Our sensei says we can only use it for self-defense.
00:11:58.000 So unless my life is in danger, I'm not even allowed to use my martial arts.
00:12:02.000 I had no idea what martial arts were.
00:12:03.000 I wasn't taking lessons.
00:12:05.000 I hadn't seen The Karate Kid.
00:12:06.000 Ooh, there's a new movie out, by the way.
00:12:09.000 It's The Karate Kid Redux.
00:12:11.000 Them as 40-year-olds.
00:12:12.000 It looks awesome.
00:12:13.000 But anyway.
00:12:15.000 No one wanted to mess with Americans for a few years during the Kung Fu years, and Barry was part of that. 1.00
00:12:21.000 So we meet.
00:12:22.000 My kneecaps are doing this jumpy thing.
00:12:24.000 I don't know if... Right before a fight, your adrenaline's pumping so much that your kneecaps bounce up and down.
00:12:29.000 Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
00:12:30.000 Like little basketballs.
00:12:32.000 And, uh, it's a very scary moment.
00:12:34.000 It's fight or flight.
00:12:36.000 And, you know, my dad taught me a good trick with fighting.
00:12:39.000 He said, just throw yourself in there.
00:12:41.000 Like, it's very hard to fight when your whole soul is behind it, and you're trying to be conscious, and you're trying to- Conscious, and you've got all these plans, like, I'm gonna get him with the left and then the right.
00:12:52.000 I'll do this combination.
00:12:54.000 Don't do that.
00:12:55.000 Just grab you, leave your body, put your hands behind, uh, on your own back, and just shove you into the fight. 1.00
00:13:03.000 Go handle it, bitch. 1.00
00:13:05.000 And you'll figure something out. 1.00
00:13:07.000 Again, it doesn't matter if you lose.
00:13:09.000 And outside of knives and bottles on the head, most fights are super quick.
00:13:14.000 Especially in a bar. 0.82
00:13:15.000 I would never, don't ever step outside.
00:13:18.000 Do the fight in the bar, get some drama, knock over a table, have some girls scream. 1.00
00:13:22.000 It's a beautiful little seven seconds.
00:13:25.000 Worst case scenario, you break your nose.
00:13:26.000 Big deal.
00:13:29.000 They straighten it at the hospital.
00:13:30.000 It's nothing.
00:13:32.000 I had that happen before too.
00:13:33.000 That's another fight story.
00:13:34.000 They're all coming flooding in now.
00:13:38.000 So Barry's ready to fight and he's got this awesome stance going.
00:13:42.000 You know, stance is intimidating because it shows someone has been thinking about this for a while.
00:13:47.000 All I got is my barbecue sticks.
00:13:50.000 And my army jacket and I'm thinking, oh, you know, my dad's tips and older people's tips are circling through my head.
00:13:57.000 Go for the nose. 1.00
00:13:58.000 Go for the tip of the nose. 1.00
00:14:00.000 That's all that matters.
00:14:01.000 If you get them in the nose, you can't see.
00:14:03.000 So he decides to ask for the first dance and with everyone, remember there'd be those, everyone my age remembers this, they'd form a huge circle and they'd go, one-on-one, man, one-on-one!
00:14:17.000 And if someone else jumped in, one on one!
00:14:19.000 One on one!
00:14:20.000 It was like this mantra that everyone kept repeating again and again.
00:14:24.000 It was very important in this suburban street justice, which always happened on grass.
00:14:31.000 Anyway, Barry does this, they're not called a circle kick.
00:14:34.000 They're called like a windmill kick or something.
00:14:39.000 And he does this insane circle kick.
00:14:42.000 I don't care what they're really called.
00:14:45.000 And the centrifugal force of his strong teen legs sent him up like a whirligig.
00:14:53.000 You know those firecrackers that are kid-friendly that you light and they start spinning like a frisbee and then they go up like a spaceship?
00:15:02.000 He turned into one of those and he was instantly a starfish in the air circling.
00:15:08.000 And he did like a 480 degree turn.
00:15:12.000 Because he kicked himself like he's kicked up with too much force and so he went past me and then around and around and then smashed out Knocked the wind out of himself and that was the end of that fight That was what?
00:15:29.000 28 hours of panicking and it ended up just being a starfish who can't breathe moral of the story being
00:15:37.000 Yes, I will fight you.
00:15:38.000 Yes, I would like to go.
00:15:40.000 I won't step outside.
00:15:41.000 Let's do it right here, right now.
00:15:43.000 There's always a lot of talking before fights, too. 1.00
00:15:45.000 Like, bitch, pussy. 1.00
00:15:47.000 White guys always put on black... They start speaking in ebonics. 1.00
00:15:51.000 What's up, bitch? 1.00
00:15:52.000 Fucking bitch coming on my neighborhood and they start getting black gestures? 1.00
00:15:56.000 That's embarrassing. 1.00
00:15:58.000 White people need to come up with their own gestures. 1.00
00:16:00.000 You pussy. 1.00
00:16:02.000 Actually, don't even talk. 1.00
00:16:03.000 If it's going down, just headbutt the guy.
00:16:08.000 I went to jail once for headbutting a guy.
00:16:10.000 He beat up my friend's girlfriend.
00:16:14.000 She was managing a store and she fired him and he slapped her in the face. 0.96
00:16:19.000 So she called crying.
00:16:21.000 I was nearby.
00:16:21.000 I went over there.
00:16:24.000 She said he jumped in a cab and he went home.
00:16:26.000 We got in the cab.
00:16:27.000 I ran to this dude Mark Ryan, yo.
00:16:29.000 Mark Ryan was a major staple in the hardcore scene in New York.
00:16:35.000 And he spoke, he was from Jersey, but he had the most crazy New York accent.
00:16:41.000 He had a graffiti tag, and his graffiti tag was Mark Ryan.
00:16:50.000 So he'd write Mark Ryan everywhere, and I guess the cops went, this guy, no one's crazy enough to use their own name as a graffiti tag, so it couldn't be Mark Ryan.
00:16:57.000 It was. 0.76
00:16:59.000 I think he got into porn for a while. 1.00
00:17:01.000 I heard he had a big dick. 1.00
00:17:02.000 I was at a bar once, and I go, I hear you have a big dick. 1.00
00:17:05.000 And he goes, yeah, it's pretty fucking crazy. 1.00
00:17:09.000 And I go, bigger than this? 1.00
00:17:10.000 And I pulled my dick out. 1.00
00:17:11.000 And he goes, yeah. 1.00
00:17:12.000 He pulled his dick out. 1.00
00:17:13.000 It looked like a bowl of spaghetti. 1.00
00:17:16.000 Like it didn't end.
00:17:17.000 It looked like headphones that needed untangling.
00:17:19.000 I couldn't even see the bell end, as the Brits say. 1.00
00:17:22.000 It was just a big pile of cock. 0.99
00:17:26.000 Anyway, I see him and I go, Mark. 0.99
00:17:27.000 And he goes, I was running to a cab.
00:17:29.000 That was it.
00:17:29.000 And he goes, yo, what's the rush?
00:17:32.000 And I go, oh, this guy, blah, blah, blah. 0.99
00:17:34.000 I just hit this chick, little Filipina. 1.00
00:17:35.000 I'm going to go get him. 1.00
00:17:37.000 And he goes.
00:17:40.000 He goes, I'll come with you, yo.
00:17:42.000 And he gets in the cab, and he's rocking back and forth in the cab.
00:17:47.000 I don't know why I can't get this saying out of my head.
00:17:49.000 He goes, yo, this is a blessing in disguise, yo.
00:17:52.000 A blessing in disguise. 0.94
00:17:54.000 I was just so fucking hyped, and I wanted to hit something. 0.98
00:17:58.000 I was so mad. 0.98
00:17:59.000 And then you come along, and now we're going to take this punk out.
00:18:03.000 It's a blessing in disguise, yo.
00:18:07.000 So we're heading up there.
00:18:08.000 He lives in Midtown, like above Midtown.
00:18:10.000 I think he was in the Upper East Side.
00:18:11.000 His parents paid for his apartment and he wore a man bun, which is infuriating, um, on top of his head, like a big bun on the top of his head.
00:18:20.000 This is now, I'm talking about 2000.
00:18:23.000 Before man buns were big, he pioneered them.
00:18:27.000 And, uh, so I start describing him and the man bun and Mark goes, Oh, I know that nigga. 1.00
00:18:34.000 He- I sell him pot, yo. 0.99
00:18:36.000 I can't fucking- Yo, I can't- I can see his mouth now. 0.99
00:18:41.000 His accent was so thick, it altered his lips. 1.00
00:18:44.000 Yo, it made it like a weird side asshole, was his mouth. 1.00
00:18:49.000 In Scotland, they call it sham gabbit. 0.99
00:18:52.000 When your- your accent is so thick it alters your face, and they get this facial- 0.78
00:19:01.000 They get this funny pursed top lip that over hooks the bottom lip and it's a sign of true patriotism like they'll go Oh, he's guy Scotch.
00:19:10.000 He's got Sham Gabbit and all So he had New York Sham Gabbit. 1.00
00:19:14.000 He's like yo, I can't fucking come with you no more cuz he could rap me out He'll know that I'm a fucking drug dealer and I will have fucked him up. 0.99
00:19:23.000 So so he jumps out the cab and 1.00
00:19:26.000 And, uh, so I'm left there alone.
00:19:28.000 And then her boyfriend shows up, Shane Smith of Vice fame.
00:19:32.000 And, uh, we, uh, we take him out. 0.96
00:19:35.000 He says, we want to talk to you, meaning we want to beat you up.
00:19:39.000 And, uh, he, uh, he comes downstairs.
00:19:44.000 And he goes, let's talk outside.
00:19:45.000 I don't want you in my apartment or my building. 1.00
00:19:47.000 And then he starts talking about this bitch that he just slapped. 1.00
00:19:51.000 He literally bitch slapped her. 1.00
00:19:53.000 And how you guys know how annoying she can get. 1.00
00:19:55.000 And like we were going to sit there and go, yeah, I know.
00:19:58.000 She deserves it, man. 1.00
00:20:00.000 Fucking bitches. 1.00
00:20:01.000 It's so lippy. 1.00
00:20:01.000 Just slap them, eh? 1.00
00:20:04.000 Anyway, we just thought we'd come by and say hi. 0.97
00:20:06.000 Like, why do you think we're here?
00:20:09.000 And so I brought up this story to say, don't talk. 0.99
00:20:13.000 All that like, bitch, what are you going to do now? 1.00
00:20:16.000 Half the time the guy's just sizing you up and waiting for a time where he can bonk you, sort of get that one right on the chin, the button they call it, where you can knock the guy out. 0.99
00:20:25.000 And, uh, so I just think, no, we're not doing this. 0.79
00:20:28.000 And I just nailed him, head butted him in the nose, exploded his face, blood shooting everywhere. 0.81
00:20:37.000 But this was an amazing move he did. 0.92
00:20:39.000 So he goes flying backwards, right?
00:20:41.000 His head's about to hit the pavement.
00:20:44.000 Somehow, in the nanosecond before his head did that last foot fall and hit the pavement, he rotated his body from having his back to the ground to having his chest to the ground and then used it as like an Olympic starting position and rocketed off!
00:21:04.000 So my compatriot chases him with flip-flops on, by the way.
00:21:07.000 One of the reasons I hate flip-flops.
00:21:09.000 Slapping on the road.
00:21:10.000 Slap, slap, slap, slap, slap. 0.99
00:21:12.000 We're good to go.
00:21:35.000 He comes out on like a Monday, and he on the complaint form he wrote that it happened on a Monday It happened on a Saturday, dude You just got out on a Monday, so he fucked up his complaint as his his charges So when I showed up at the police station because they called me in I said Monday.
00:21:52.000 I was at work I got a million emails blah blah witnesses, and so they go all right We'll just stay in this jail cell while we check your prints to see if you're a wanted criminal all right
00:22:02.000 Um... So I've been to the big house.
00:22:04.000 I've been to jail for four hours.
00:22:07.000 So I'm an ex-con.
00:22:09.000 By the way, one of the funnest times I've ever had.
00:22:12.000 I was... Well, outside of the actual closing of the jail.
00:22:15.000 The KUNG of the closing jail cell.
00:22:18.000 That does something to your, your spine.
00:22:21.000 Your chest.
00:22:22.000 It just feels brutally unnatural.
00:22:25.000 Kong, I'm a, I'm an animal in a cage. 0.94
00:22:28.000 And I can't, this place could be on fire and it's up to them whether they let me out or not.
00:22:32.000 I have no freedom at this moment.
00:22:35.000 Now that's four hours.
00:22:36.000 Imagine 40 years.
00:22:39.000 But they didn't have me down with the animals in the cages downstairs.
00:22:43.000 This is at the precinct on uh...
00:22:46.000 It's like Hell's Kitchen.
00:22:47.000 It's probably like 43rd and 10th Avenue.
00:22:52.000 Something like that.
00:22:54.000 And they have these cages.
00:22:56.000 They look like pens.
00:22:57.000 They look like they're selling human beings for meat downstairs.
00:23:03.000 But I was up with the detectives.
00:23:09.000 That 70s sitcom, Barry Manilow.
00:23:13.000 No.
00:23:14.000 Is that what it was called?
00:23:15.000 No, that was the singer. 0.97
00:23:16.000 What was that show called?
00:23:19.000 Uh, 70s sitcom... Barney Miller!
00:23:23.000 Yeah, like Barney Miller.
00:23:24.000 So I've got my hands hanging out of the cage, and I'm riffing with them, just like, exactly like in the sitcom, and the room we were in looked exactly like the Barney Miller set.
00:23:35.000 And this, it was just, it may, it's one of the reasons I told my son he has to be a cop.
00:23:40.000 By the way, he said no.
00:23:41.000 He's going to be in the MLB. 0.97
00:23:42.000 But I go, look, this street stuff sucks. 0.91
00:23:45.000 It sucks going upstairs in the projects with your gun pointed, but you write a few tests, boom, you're a detective. 0.94
00:23:52.000 80K a year, 90K a year, great pension at 40.
00:23:56.000 It's cool.
00:23:57.000 And you're not going to see a bunch of dead babies.
00:24:00.000 Not after your first few years.
00:24:02.000 So,
00:24:04.000 I'm in there and at one point this 8.9 walks in. 0.99
00:24:09.000 She's got, unfortunately she has that New York accent which is not attractive on ladies. 1.00
00:24:12.000 It's like the Glaswegian accent.
00:24:15.000 And she goes, what the hell is going on in here? 1.00
00:24:17.000 Everyone's dragging their ass. 0.99
00:24:18.000 They're not filling out their T4s. 1.00
00:24:20.000 If I have to say this one more time, I'm going to absolutely fucking lose it. 0.96
00:24:23.000 All right, boys? 0.97
00:24:24.000 You come in here.
00:24:25.000 Before you do anything, you fill out your T4s. 0.71
00:24:28.000 And they're like, sorry, sorry.
00:24:29.000 We're on it.
00:24:30.000 We're on it.
00:24:31.000 Captain Lacey, or whatever her name was.
00:24:33.000 Then she leaves.
00:24:34.000 And I go, I just make a face that men make.
00:24:37.000 We usually do this in the elevator.
00:24:38.000 When a 10 walks out, we just sort of look each other with our eyebrows up and go, woo.
00:24:42.000 That was something, but just with your eyes.
00:24:44.000 So I sort of look at the detector, sort of going, whoo, something else.
00:24:48.000 And then they ignore me, right?
00:24:50.000 And they, we, by the way, we got along well, because at the beginning goes, what, what happened here?
00:24:54.000 And I go, allegedly, I beat up a guy who hit this girl.
00:24:58.000 They go, oh, so that and then there was like, yeah, I figured that's it.
00:25:01.000 All right, you're one of us.
00:25:02.000 Now you can relax.
00:25:03.000 That's probably why I got the good self.
00:25:06.000 Um,
00:25:07.000 They even gave me my phone for a little bit.
00:25:10.000 White privilege, of course, is what it was. 0.87
00:25:13.000 And so she walks out and they go, hey, if that's affirmative action, I love it. 0.51
00:25:17.000 Bring it on.
00:25:18.000 Let's get some more affirmative action in here. 1.00
00:25:21.000 I want 10 of those roaming around giving me shit. 1.00
00:25:24.000 If she wants to give me, she can give me shit any day of the week. 1.00
00:25:27.000 Laughing, riffing. 1.00
00:25:28.000 There's two white guys and a black guy.
00:25:30.000 And then they're working on these cases and one of them says to the black guy,
00:25:35.000 So what are you working on again?
00:25:36.000 That shooting at the club?
00:25:37.000 Yeah, it was a club in the Bronx, shooting in the parking lot.
00:25:44.000 You know, no one's talking.
00:25:45.000 No one wants to say anything.
00:25:46.000 I'm going to go back there today, see if I can get anyone.
00:25:49.000 And they just sort of laugh.
00:25:51.000 And they go, I don't envy you, bro.
00:25:53.000 If you don't have a witness in the first 10 minutes, you got nothing.
00:25:57.000 And he's sort of shrugging, trying to be optimistic.
00:25:59.000 No, I think I might have something.
00:26:00.000 No, dude, you're done.
00:26:02.000 What a cool job.
00:26:04.000 Anyway, they rung my fingerprints through Albany, which I've heard is BS, and didn't work.
00:26:12.000 I mean, I was fine.
00:26:13.000 I was off the hook.
00:26:16.000 And to this, I called my dad right after that, after I did the headbutt, before the jail.
00:26:21.000 And I could hear the pride in his voice.
00:26:24.000 That's another reason you want to get into fights, because it makes your dad proud.
00:26:28.000 Now, you don't want to get stabbed, but it's very healthy getting it.
00:26:33.000 And, you know, say you get a brutal pounding, like I got, I wore Dr. Martens in the 80s, and this is in my book.
00:26:39.000 Skinheads, Nazi skinheads, we had tons of them in Ottawa, and Montreal, and Toronto. 0.84
00:26:46.000 Funded by the government, by the way.
00:26:48.000 It was like the SPLC ADL BS, where they want to find Nazis, so they make these message boards and these rallies and these magazines and they end up, just so they can like track them, but they end up creating some where there was none.
00:27:05.000 And they started this thing called the Heritage Foundation, so they could secretly track Nazis, but they ended up promoting Nazism and getting- starting a whole Nazi skinhead movement. 0.55
00:27:14.000 They were everywhere!
00:27:15.000 There was always at least five of our shows. 0.87
00:27:17.000 And when I say Nazi, I don't mean the 2018 version, where it's someone who doesn't blow trans people. 0.70
00:27:24.000 It was guys with swastikas on their jackets and tattoos of the Klan. 0.99
00:27:30.000 Like Nazis! 0.89
00:27:34.000 Anyway, uh, uh, these Nazis beat me up really badly and took my boots. 0.71
00:27:42.000 God, there was a moment thereafter, they took my boots, some giant Indian shows up, and I obviously mean Feather, not Dot. 1.00
00:27:49.000 This is Canada, remember?
00:27:51.000 Some beast of an Injun shows up, and I'm sitting there bloodied, and I'm taking off my boots and handing it, handing the boots over to them. 1.00
00:28:00.000 To the mob.
00:28:03.000 And he goes, is there a problem here?
00:28:06.000 And I say, no.
00:28:08.000 Bye, Indian. 1.00
00:28:09.000 And he goes off on his merry way, and the skinheads walk away with my boots.
00:28:14.000 Now, I can't tell you how many times in my head I've played over me going, there sure is, Chief Long Claws.
00:28:22.000 And then we go back to back and just fight Nazis. 0.78
00:28:26.000 He'd probably be doing most of the work.
00:28:30.000 You know, Indians in these, in towns like Canada, a lot of them grew up with rough lives and they, you learn how to brawl on the res. 1.00
00:28:39.000 Damn it! 0.99
00:28:40.000 See, now I'm still feeling, I can't, there's so many nights I've laid awake in bed with clenched fists going, why didn't I fight harder? 0.99
00:28:49.000 But even that beating I got, with all those guys kicking me when I was on the ground,
00:28:53.000 Yeah, you got sore ribs for a month, it hurts to sneeze and laugh, but basically the next day you're fine.
00:29:02.000 Fighting is not, and that's a terrible scenario, that's a mob of say five or six guys beating the crap out of me on the ground with me not putting up any kind of a fight.
00:29:11.000 In fact, the real scars of violence are when you don't fight.
00:29:16.000 That's when you hate yourself.
00:29:18.000 And that's why this war on bullying is so bad for young men. 0.97
00:29:21.000 You should be a bully.
00:29:23.000 You should be bullied. 0.83
00:29:25.000 You should experience both sides of those.
00:29:28.000 Lots of people are talking about that.
00:29:30.000 Chris Rock was saying he wants to beat up his girls so they know what it's like to be in a racist society.
00:29:35.000 That's annoying, but at least he's pro-bullying.
00:29:38.000 Adam Sandler's pro-bullying.
00:29:39.000 Tom Shalhoub wrote a book about the merits of mean dads and bullying.
00:29:44.000 It's very important for character development.
00:29:46.000 And I was bullied when I was in fifth grade and then I turned it around and I bullied back and ended up on the same bully crew that bullied me a few years before.
00:29:59.000 I remember I was sitting on a tree.
00:30:00.000 I was in a special class for retards. 1.00
00:30:02.000 It's a long story, but I had behavioral issues.
00:30:05.000 So I'm talking to this guy, Steven Snipp, who I think he was mentally slow and he always had snot coming out of his nose and he would wipe it and a line of snot would go perfectly parallel to the ground from his nose to his ear hole and then a new line of snot would fill, uh, drip down again.
00:30:24.000 And we had, it was Diabri Moody Junior High and we had a creek running through the school.
00:30:28.000 And another berry, different, not Pablo, another berry comes charging at me just because I was the victim of the week.
00:30:36.000 Rams me so hard, I'm sitting on this branch, that I go flying through the air, smash into the creek, go under water.
00:30:46.000 I'm under the ice in the creek now, just like in The Omen, where they see that little boy dying, freezing to death, and they can't get to him because he's under the ice.
00:30:56.000 Jesus, what a scary movie that was.
00:30:58.000 But this is only about four feet deep, so I plant my feet down and crash up out of the ice.
00:31:04.000 But this is Canadian winters.
00:31:06.000 I'm dying now.
00:31:08.000 And this water, this ice-cold water, is freezing around me.
00:31:11.000 So I'm crawling, like, from the polar bear club to the office on my hands and knees, trying to, you know, headed to the nurse, whatever.
00:31:20.000 I gotta get warmed up.
00:31:21.000 I'm gonna die out here.
00:31:22.000 And as I'm crawling, Grant Belford, I'll never forget to this day, he starts crawling next to me.
00:31:29.000 And he's looking at me and he goes, What's the matter, Gavin?
00:31:32.000 You gonna catch pneumonia?
00:31:38.000 Pretty mean, huh?
00:31:39.000 He purposely mispronounced pneumonia to make it sting more.
00:31:45.000 And, uh, yeah, I got into school and got warmed up.
00:31:48.000 And, uh, and then there was a scene, I can't remember this very well, but this is, so that guy I was just talking about, this would have been eighth grade, sort of in 12 and around that same, I think it was even the same year.
00:32:02.000 There was this guy that they were antagonizing some prey, just some like injured zebra in the African tundra.
00:32:10.000 And is there African tundra? 1.00
00:32:13.000 Is tundra cold in the African jungle?
00:32:16.000 And
00:32:17.000 For some reason, you know, they were picking on him and I decided I would too.
00:32:22.000 This isn't a very good story.
00:32:24.000 This isn't very moral.
00:32:25.000 But I remember running at him like I was gonna hit him and he was scared.
00:32:29.000 And then, you know, being 12, you're so athletic, I jumped over his entire body.
00:32:33.000 As some sort of weird intimidation tactic.
00:32:35.000 And everyone was cheering.
00:32:36.000 Yeah, the bullies were cheering. 0.99
00:32:38.000 You're a bully now. 0.98
00:32:38.000 Cool. 0.98
00:32:40.000 And then I turned around and shoved him. 0.70
00:32:42.000 He punched me in the face.
00:32:44.000 I went down.
00:32:46.000 And then I did this swing without looking, like, eh, as I tended to my nose, like to swat him off.
00:32:53.000 And I didn't find out this till much later.
00:32:55.000 But I had done a perfect backhanded smash to his face and sent him crying to the office. 0.98
00:33:04.000 Basically, it's better to kill than to be killed. 0.97
00:33:07.000 And that was my conversion to bully. 0.90
00:33:09.000 And that was a great lesson, too.
00:33:11.000 Even if you don't win, like in the South, I remember I met these kids.
00:33:14.000 We were doing this pilot called America on Zero Dollars a Day, which is on Vimeo.
00:33:18.000 And I met these little kids at a family reunion we were shooting.
00:33:23.000 And I wanted to become their friends.
00:33:27.000 They go, I go, what's going on with your leg?
00:33:29.000 It was broken.
00:33:30.000 And he goes, Oh, I was on a golf cart and, uh, got away from me.
00:33:35.000 We're on the side of a hill.
00:33:36.000 So it started rolling and my leg was underneath and it just, I remember hearing a snap.
00:33:40.000 I thought that's not good.
00:33:43.000 You were driving a golf cart at 45 degrees.
00:33:46.000 I don't think I have the courage to do that. 1.00
00:33:49.000 You're, you're in jackass. 0.94
00:33:51.000 And I'll find out from them later that what they do every weekend, we just get on our dirt bikes. 0.99
00:33:56.000 They have like 60cc dirt bikes, 22 rifles on their backs, and they just go ripping through the forests of... This is in South Carolina.
00:34:05.000 Ripping through the forest, they see a rabbit, they stop and shoot it. 1.00
00:34:08.000 Blow its head off. 0.99
00:34:09.000 Then keep going. 0.99
00:34:12.000 I want to hang out with you.
00:34:14.000 And I go, do you guys fight?
00:34:16.000 And they go, oh yeah!
00:34:19.000 And then I go, you're not a bully.
00:34:20.000 You don't just pick on kids.
00:34:21.000 Oh, no, no, no.
00:34:22.000 I'll usually do it if they say something bad about my mama or something like that, you know.
00:34:27.000 They disparage her.
00:34:29.000 And then I said, what happens next?
00:34:31.000 Oh, well, we agree.
00:34:32.000 We'll meet you at the Baseball Diamond that day after school.
00:34:36.000 And it's abandoned, you know.
00:34:37.000 It's very private.
00:34:38.000 You go there.
00:34:40.000 And I go, and then you just, you know, you make them suffer.
00:34:44.000 And they go, when do you stop?
00:34:46.000 And he goes, I usually, you know, we'll get some blood, we'll get something going, and I'll be on top.
00:34:50.000 And I just like him to say, I'm sorry.
00:34:52.000 I just like that part, you know?
00:34:54.000 I'm sorry.
00:34:54.000 It feels good.
00:34:56.000 That's something a man needs to have under his belt. 0.68
00:34:59.000 Even boxing, hitting a heavy bag, you walk down the street after and you go, I could beat up you, I could beat up you.
00:35:05.000 That's why I'm against having my tubes tied, even though I'm never having any more kids. 0.79
00:35:10.000 I don't want to be able to walk down the street going, I couldn't impregnate you, I couldn't impregnate you. 0.89
00:35:15.000 It's nice just to know it's an option.
00:35:16.000 You're not going to do it, but it's nice to know you can impregnate someone or beat them up.
00:35:21.000 And that's what business is.
00:35:23.000 When two people are bidding on a contract, it's violent.
00:35:26.000 There's conflict there.
00:35:28.000 You have to be ready to fight.
00:35:31.000 Physical fights are the same as business fights.
00:35:34.000 They're very similar.
00:35:35.000 And when it gets heated, you have to know that you could punch this guy in the nose.
00:35:42.000 Just knowing that that's a possibility in the back of your head, it just sort of greases the wheels of everything else.
00:35:48.000 And the fact that we're taking that away from our young people is doing them a huge disservice. 1.00
00:35:52.000 It's making them into arrogant dicks. 0.99
00:35:54.000 I remember we were going to see this band MDC. 0.99
00:35:59.000 They're the ones who coined the phrase, no war, no KKK, no fascist USA.
00:36:03.000 It was hardcore hyperbole in the 80s, and now it's a normal mantra at a gun march or a woman's march, for crying out loud.
00:36:10.000 But the massive skinhead scene in Ottawa meant that anyone who was
00:36:17.000 How insane is that?
00:36:41.000 They would come.
00:36:41.000 They would get into the mosh pit and dance with us, but punches in the face.
00:36:45.000 So it's weird having a dance partner that wants to kill you.
00:36:48.000 And at MDC, this was a unique one, they had a song at the time called Skinhead.
00:36:53.000 And my band opened for them.
00:36:55.000 My band was Anal Chinook.
00:36:56.000 We played in drag at that show, which I'm sure the Skinheads were not happy about. 1.00
00:37:02.000 But the song's at S because you're so stupid, K like the KKK, I cause you're an idiot, and N a Nazi too, H is cause we hate you, E each and every day, and A together we can create anarchy, and D destroy the state! 1.00
00:37:20.000 But they were touring with that album. 1.00
00:37:22.000 The album was called Millions of Damn Christians, and they were touring the South and areas where the skinheads were, as prominent as our tiny little bureaucratic town, Ottawa, with our government-made skinheads. 0.96
00:37:33.000 So Dave Dichter, the singer, told me that he would change the lyrics to, S, it's cause you're super, and K, you're really kind, and I, cause you're intelligent, cause they'd be in the, he'd see this sea of skinheads. 0.97
00:37:50.000 In the audience.
00:37:51.000 So they showed up, and it was the weirdest thing I've ever been a part of.
00:37:57.000 Weird sort of a Roman conflict. 1.00
00:37:59.000 All the skinheads got in a line, starting at the stage and going backwards.
00:38:07.000 And so we got in a line and matched them.
00:38:11.000 So it was like square, what do you call that?
00:38:14.000 Country dancing?
00:38:16.000 Country dancing.
00:38:17.000 Country ranch dancing?
00:38:19.000 Ballroom dancing? 1.00
00:38:21.000 God, what's the matter with my stupid brain? 1.00
00:38:23.000 I blame cell phones. 1.00
00:38:25.000 Step 2 dancing?
00:38:27.000 What's it called?
00:38:28.000 Country dancing?
00:38:31.000 Ranchi dancing? 0.99
00:38:33.000 Damn it, nothing's coming up. 1.00
00:38:35.000 Cowboy dancing? 0.99
00:38:36.000 I know how annoyed you are right now and I agree with you because I have a dad and I hear him
00:38:42.000 Doing this, what's it called?
00:38:43.000 Step 2 Maloo dancing? 0.98
00:38:48.000 Dancing cowboys, dancing gifs, goddammit. 0.93
00:38:51.000 Shuffle dance? 0.87
00:38:53.000 Anyway, country-western dancing, whatever it is.
00:38:56.000 Take your partner round and round, do-si-do. 0.84
00:38:59.000 Okay, I'm sorry.
00:39:01.000 I'm ruining this podcast.
00:39:03.000 Take your partner, partner, round and round, do-si-do.
00:39:09.000 This is why Joe Rogan has, like, a guy.
00:39:12.000 Swing your partner.
00:39:13.000 I still don't know what it is.
00:39:16.000 Square dancing!
00:39:17.000 Sorry, listeners.
00:39:19.000 I apologize.
00:39:21.000 Square dancing.
00:39:22.000 So it was like square dancing.
00:39:23.000 And then we were all lined up, and I'm lined up, and I have my skinhead, and the guy next to me has his skinhead.
00:39:28.000 Actually, there was this one dude, this fat kid named Yuri, who was Israeli.
00:39:33.000 And the funny thing about these Ottawa Nazis is there's no blacks, or really any really prominent Jews, like with yarmulkes and stuff, in Ottawa to fight. 0.90
00:39:43.000 So they just fight us, the punks, because they knew we disagreed with them. 0.99
00:39:48.000 And this poor guy, Yuri, because he was Israeli, he got the shit beaten out of him regularly by them. 0.98
00:39:54.000 And, oh my god, I just remembered another story. 0.98
00:39:59.000 He ended up killing himself. 1.00
00:40:02.000 Poor bastard. 1.00
00:40:03.000 More than once, too. 1.00
00:40:05.000 He OD'd on pills and they had to cut up his entire arms and legs to drain the blood or something.
00:40:10.000 Because he had these cesarean scars going up his arms that he got tattooed into zippers.
00:40:15.000 And then I think he tried again and was successful the second time. 0.99
00:40:18.000 Poor bastard. 1.00
00:40:20.000 Tragic. 0.99
00:40:21.000 Um, so anyway, we're facing our individual skinheads and I had a guy who was about my height.
00:40:27.000 We all matched up quite nicely.
00:40:29.000 And then, uh, the song ended and I can't remember exactly what cue did.
00:40:34.000 It was just sort of like, well, the lines are complete.
00:40:36.000 Let's start.
00:40:37.000 And I just, without waiting.
00:40:39.000 And again, this goes back to the don't wait for it.
00:40:42.000 I just whacked, I just got him beautifully.
00:40:45.000 It's actually the best punch of my life.
00:40:47.000 I nailed him right in the face and he went flying backwards and I was in awe.
00:40:54.000 That was one of my first, you know, successful punches.
00:40:57.000 And then, as he's getting up, and he's sort of like stunned that someone would dare do that, someone, my, my wimpiness, some punk kid with like dyed blonde hair, uh, as he's going, oh boy, are you gonna pay for that, the lights all come on, the cops, they're, everyone get down, get, the cops have bullhorns, they turn off the power on the stage, and they start rounding everyone up, and arresting everyone, and putting us in paddy wagons, whatever, separating us all, so he never got me back.
00:41:28.000 It was a beautiful scenario.
00:41:30.000 It was like, uh... But the thing that popped into my head, by the way, there was one time when I think Yuri was being picked on, this is before he killed himself, and we were around.
00:41:38.000 It was an anarchist gathering.
00:41:40.000 No, sorry, an anarchist un-gathering.
00:41:43.000 You're not allowed to call it a gathering.
00:41:45.000 That was... See, we're very strict about our no rules as anarchists.
00:41:49.000 And, uh, some skinheads had attacked Yuri, and I would have been, like, 16 at the time.
00:41:54.000 So we start running through the streets, and we find the guys!
00:41:57.000 And there may be 14, these Nazis that were beating up Yuri.
00:42:01.000 So we get them. 0.98
00:42:03.000 And we shove them on the ground and we're kicking at them.
00:42:05.000 We're throwing them around, picking them up.
00:42:07.000 And we're a mob.
00:42:08.000 We're like 12.
00:42:08.000 So this is a great time for revenge.
00:42:10.000 So I think, let's get creative. 0.99
00:42:13.000 So I remember saying this stupidest thing. 0.98
00:42:15.000 I go, you guys haven't even read Mein Kampf. 0.99
00:42:18.000 And they go, yes we have.
00:42:19.000 I hadn't read it either.
00:42:20.000 No one's read Mein Kampf.
00:42:21.000 I think Jim Goad is the only person who's actually read the book.
00:42:24.000 But 0.99
00:42:26.000 Uh, we pick him up, and they're standing there shaking, shitting their pants, and I think, let's get sort of Tim Curry on their ass. 0.99
00:42:33.000 So I start walking around them in circles, and I sort of take over as, I'm gonna be the leader of this particular beating. 0.98
00:42:39.000 And, uh, I go, guess what happens now, boys?
00:42:43.000 And they go, what? 1.00
00:42:44.000 And I go, we're gonna fuck you. 1.00
00:42:51.000 And then I put my tongue on his neck and I go and run my tongue up his neck. 1.00
00:43:01.000 This is like watching too many movies when you're 16.
00:43:04.000 Past his ears like Cluckergorn's scary sicko and then I pull back and I stare at them smiling and then I look back at my gang
00:43:13.000 And they are all gobsmacked with their jaws hitting the floor. 0.99
00:43:17.000 They think I really am a psychotic gay. 0.90
00:43:20.000 I had done my Tim Curry character so well that I convinced my own guys and it looked like they were gonna abandon me. 0.99
00:43:27.000 So we had to abandon the whole shit-kicking because I realized... I realized that I no longer had an army. 0.56
00:43:37.000 It was a mutiny on the bounty due to homophobia. 0.99
00:43:41.000 Alright, I'll end it with the worst ass-kissing I ever- ass-kissing? 1.00
00:43:46.000 The worst ass-kicking I ever had. 1.00
00:43:49.000 It was again in Ottawa. 1.00
00:43:51.000 I was also with Shane again, and there was this guy named Jeff, and he had a big fucking mouth. 0.99
00:43:59.000 And Ottawa, I know people see Canadians as sweet, but you should- you should check out the video, Out for a Rip, where they talk about how, yes, Canadians are polite, 0.99
00:44:11.000 But, we still fight.
00:44:13.000 Here, I've got the song here actually.
00:44:17.000 Shark Tank presents, Be Rich and Friends.
00:44:21.000 It's a really great song.
00:44:22.000 Okay, yeah we got manners.
00:44:40.000 I'll translate for you.
00:44:42.000 These two gentlemen were out for a drive
00:45:07.000 And one of the gentlemen is having a cigarette, a.k.a.
00:45:10.000 a dart.
00:45:10.000 He burns his friend's coat and is not apologetic.
00:45:14.000 So he throws his friend into a snowbank and starts punching him with his right and left fists in the chest and head.
00:45:22.000 Um, so yeah, and maybe it's hockey based, but Canada is a very violent and polite and safe place, if you can be all of those at once.
00:45:31.000 And so, Jeff had, I don't know, been in a fight somewhere.
00:45:35.000 He was a drunk.
00:45:36.000 We were all probably 18 at the time.
00:45:38.000 And, uh, he had his jaw wired shut.
00:45:42.000 Now, I had recently abandoned punk.
00:45:44.000 I was probably 21 or 22, and the look we were going for post-punk was because we were sort of coming from a crusty punk thing, which is really what these Antifa people are.
00:45:54.000 So we were, you know, you'd have like one dread and then messy hair, and then you'd have a sweater covered in holes, rubber boots.
00:46:02.000 Jeans with holes in them and then like a jacket you found in the garbage I think because we were middle-class and we wanted to appear homeless So we just had like rags hanging off as we found stuff in the garbage. 0.99
00:46:12.000 We were like Anarcho vegan just disgusting people who ate in the garbage and We're walking by these jocks who by the way, I'm now on their side in this story We're walking by these jocks and they go fucking Ottawa trash 0.98
00:46:30.000 And I just sort of laughed and went, I've never heard that expression before. 0.99
00:46:35.000 And so we go to my car.
00:46:37.000 I'm a homeless dumpster diver who owns a car for some reason.
00:46:40.000 It was my mommy's car.
00:46:42.000 I was in town.
00:46:42.000 I'd lived in Montreal, but I was visiting Ottawa and I was borrowing my parents' car, being a crusty punk in a Chevrolet Oldsmobile.
00:46:50.000 And so they end up in the parking lot.
00:46:52.000 They had some tricked out super truck.
00:46:55.000 It was like a monster truck.
00:46:56.000 It was a work of art.
00:46:58.000 And that was their car.
00:46:59.000 And so they were both, we were both in this sort of outdoor parking lot thing.
00:47:03.000 And as these guys are walking by, they laugh at us.
00:47:07.000 And Jeff, with his jaw wired shut, goes, ooh, I'm so scared!
00:47:14.000 Thanks, buddy.
00:47:15.000 Now we know that he can't get beat up or this wiring is gonna He's gonna have to remove his jaw like his whole thing is remarkably fragile His jaw is in pieces and it's being held together with wires and glue and stitches So he has to get in the car.
00:47:32.000 So Shane and I go get in the car Jeff and then Shane's got a big ego
00:47:38.000 And he's just like, I'll handle this. 0.98
00:47:41.000 So the guy goes up to him first and says, you want to fucking go? 1.00
00:47:46.000 You want to do this bitch? 1.00
00:47:47.000 You want to fucking do this? 1.00
00:47:49.000 And Shane looks bored and he takes his baseball hat and puts it backwards. 0.99
00:47:54.000 We're good to go.
00:48:16.000 Just starts feeding him, as OutForRip says, just starts punching.
00:48:20.000 Let's see, he's on all fours like doggie style, and this jock is holding him up by the hair and just going, poof, poof, poof, poof, punch, punch, punch.
00:48:29.000 And every time the fist pulls away, an arcing rope of blood, almost like projectile vomit, just goes splash, splash, splash.
00:48:37.000 So all this blood is just pouring out of his face.
00:48:41.000 And I decide, no, we're not having this.
00:48:46.000 So I go, that's it, that's enough!
00:48:49.000 And I run over to the guy and tackle him to get him off of my friend.
00:48:55.000 But it was like tackling a bronze statue.
00:48:58.000 I just hit a wall, oof!
00:48:59.000 And so I realize I'm not strong enough to get this guy, to tackle this guy away from my friend. 0.98
00:49:04.000 So I just put him in a fuckin' hold and it's gonna be lights out, buddy. 0.95
00:49:09.000 So I get my arm around him and I start closing my arms to knock him out, to suffocate him, right? 0.99
00:49:16.000 No problem.
00:49:16.000 He's just like, get this guy off of me.
00:49:19.000 As I'm trying to close his throat and it's not, I'm not closing his throat.
00:49:22.000 I'm not strong enough.
00:49:23.000 His neck muscles are stronger than my arms.
00:49:26.000 And then I just feel whoosh.
00:49:30.000 And it, to this day, it's not just the hardest punch I've ever gotten.
00:49:34.000 I've been knocked out in the ring a few times.
00:49:36.000 This punch was honestly,
00:49:39.000 So hard that I was confused.
00:49:41.000 I was knocked unconscious.
00:49:42.000 I woke up about 10 feet from where I was.
00:49:46.000 So this, whoever punched me had a running start and they did it sort of a diagonal.
00:49:51.000 I don't like the word sucker punch. 0.99
00:49:52.000 It's a pussy term. 1.00
00:49:54.000 I read in the paper the other day, some 20 year old homeless man sucker punched a 5 year old. 0.99
00:49:59.000 As opposed to what? 0.99
00:50:01.000 That's like saying, uh, raped a baby. 0.99
00:50:04.000 As opposed to what? 1.00
00:50:05.000 Made love to a baby?
00:50:06.000 You can't sucker punch a kid.
00:50:09.000 What?
00:50:09.000 He didn't have a fair fight with a five-year-old?
00:50:12.000 Anyway, he did sucker punch me at an angle.
00:50:15.000 I went flying ten feet away, and it was so painful and so intense, I assumed I'd been hit with a two-by-four.
00:50:22.000 And then I went to feel my nose, and it was gone.
00:50:28.000 That's right.
00:50:29.000 I had no nose.
00:50:31.000 No nose to speak of.
00:50:33.000 I'm feeling around and I feel like where my sort of penciled in mustache was and then nothing above it at all but skin.
00:50:42.000 So I go, oh, I see what happened.
00:50:43.000 He hit me with a two by four so hard that my nose came off.
00:50:47.000 I've heard of this, you know, farmers bring their arms to the ER.
00:50:51.000 I better go find my nose.
00:50:53.000 Let's do it!
00:51:03.000 That is shooting out blood.
00:51:04.000 It was like something out of a Monty Python sketch.
00:51:06.000 Just pshhhhhh.
00:51:10.000 Full faucet blood shooting.
00:51:11.000 And I assume that's the Michael Jackson hole I have in my face now.
00:51:15.000 So I put my hand on my face to stop the torrent of blood and I realized, oh my nose is there!
00:51:21.000 It just got punched up under my left eye.
00:51:25.000 The nose was broken at more than 90 degrees.
00:51:28.000 So all the nostrils and everything, the whole kit and caboodle, went up underneath the eye.
00:51:35.000 I mean, imagine a Mr. Potato Head, where some kid turned the nose sideways.
00:51:40.000 So if Mr. Potato Head felt his lips, he wouldn't feel a nose.
00:51:44.000 Because the nose is up here, under the eye.
00:51:46.000 And it's shooting out blood.
00:51:48.000 And so, I go, oh that's good news.
00:51:51.000 Now I don't have to find a nose.
00:51:54.000 It's still attached and they're all gone now and Shane's face is just, both his eyes are sealed shut and the rest is just blood.
00:52:05.000 You can't even see a nose and a mouth, just hard blood.
00:52:09.000 And, uh, I, uh, I, uh, tried plugging my nose because blood was going everywhere.
00:52:16.000 And the nose, the blood was coming so fast that to plug my nose, I would just be going, like chugging a large milkshake of blood.
00:52:26.000 So it was either drink blood or let blood spew out.
00:52:31.000 And, uh, the jocks left.
00:52:33.000 I think they were stunned at what they had done. 1.00
00:52:36.000 I think, I believe one of them yelled, Holy shit! 1.00
00:52:39.000 When they saw my Mr. Potato Head face and they ran to their truck and sped off. 1.00
00:52:43.000 And again, we don't call the cops back then.
00:52:46.000 And so everything was handled.
00:52:47.000 It was normal.
00:52:49.000 You know, we said, Ooh, we're so scared to them.
00:52:51.000 They gave us a bunch of chances to back down. 1.00
00:52:54.000 We put our hats backwards and said, we're going to kick your ass. 1.00
00:52:57.000 So it was a normal call to a duel. 1.00
00:53:02.000 So we drove to the Ottawa Hospital, and free Medicare sounds great when you're in America.
00:53:09.000 Up in the real world, in Canada and Britain, it means 12 hours of waiting in a waiting room.
00:53:15.000 And if they think you're a drunk, oh my god, it's 15, 20 hours.
00:53:20.000 You might as well go home first.
00:53:24.000 So we waited there and waited there.
00:53:25.000 It got to the point where we were doing jokes.
00:53:27.000 Like I had my, I had blood all over my eyes.
00:53:31.000 And my, one of my eyes was sealed shut.
00:53:32.000 I'm not sure how that happened.
00:53:34.000 But if I could, I could pull them down.
00:53:36.000 And you'd see the whites of my eyes.
00:53:38.000 And then blood would come down my, my eyes like tears.
00:53:41.000 I would cry blood tears.
00:53:43.000 And I was making Jeff laugh by going, like we were doing horror movie faces.
00:53:47.000 Because every time you would, all the blood was caked on and coagulated.
00:53:51.000 But every time you made a movement or moved your face,
00:53:53.000 That would break the seal and all the blood that was behind the dried blood would come pouring out like evil dead 2. 0.78
00:54:00.000 So we just did like zombie faces.
00:54:03.000 Help me!
00:54:04.000 Help me!
00:54:06.000 As blood came out of our eyes and noses.
00:54:09.000 And eventually...
00:54:11.000 Eventually, I get to see a doctor and he has to stand up on like a bench by the chair I'm in to reset my nose.
00:54:22.000 Because the thing that goes in the middle, the cartilage, was at 90 degrees, so he had to pull it away from the socket, down to where a nose should be, and then back in.
00:54:32.000 And you hear the... of the cartilage moving around in your face from inside your face.
00:54:40.000 I almost projectile bombed there. 0.94
00:54:41.000 It was the most disgusting, horrible feeling I've ever felt.
00:54:45.000 It's why my nose is at four degrees to this day.
00:54:50.000 And it was a really fun experience that I'm glad I have under my belt. 1.00
00:54:53.000 We protected Jeff and his big, stupid, wired, shut mouth. 1.00
00:54:57.000 And we stood up to those guys. 1.00
00:55:00.000 I'm permanently disfigured from it, but that's a good thing.
00:55:05.000 I think violence is very healthy.
00:55:07.000 Obviously getting stabbed is a nightmare, getting shot is not good.
00:55:11.000 You have to know how to pick your battles and know when you're in like South Side of Chicago or Baltimore or Harlem or East New York where you could very likely die, but
00:55:21.000 If the laws of chivalry are apparent, and it looks like it's just going to be a normal, good old-fashioned barroom brawl, that's great news.
00:55:29.000 Don't call the cops.
00:55:31.000 You don't need the authorities to document all your conflicts.
00:55:34.000 But you do need conflicts, and this goes back to grade school.
00:55:39.000 It's good that Barry Pablo tried to fight me.
00:55:41.000 It's good that I was shot in the creek.
00:55:43.000 It's good that I was bullied.
00:55:44.000 And it's good that I bullied.
00:55:46.000 All part of that is the making of a man.
00:55:48.000 And there is a real war on the making of a man.
00:55:51.000 And taking away our violence is the first step.
00:55:55.000 Outlawing fighting is first, then it's outlawing testosterone, then it's outlawing any kind of masculine behavior, boisterousness, maybe that comes before the testosterone, and the next thing you know, gender doesn't exist, and there's no such thing as being a man.
00:56:10.000 You know, all this propaganda that says it's okay to cry.
00:56:13.000 There's a real sinister subtext to all that, and it's okay not to be a man.
00:56:19.000 They want to take that away.
00:56:20.000 Well, it's fun being a man, and it's fun fighting.
00:56:25.000 I don't want them to take it away.
00:56:27.000 That went a little long.
00:56:29.000 We're up to an hour now.
00:56:30.000 Sorry about that, chaps. 1.00
00:56:32.000 You can repeat this on Friday.
00:56:35.000 I want to talk about good scams I got up to recently, like pretending to be retarded and getting a good seat on the airplane. 0.94
00:56:43.000 I'm not proud of that one, but it does work.
00:56:45.000 So next Friday we'll probably do scams.
00:56:48.000 Again, you can sign up for CRTV.com.
00:56:52.000 Check out my show, Get Off My Lawn.
00:56:53.000 We've got CRTV Tonight coming up.
00:56:55.000 I think April 27th is the first ep.
00:56:57.000 I'm not positive.
00:56:58.000 If you put in the code GAVIN, I believe you get $10 off.
00:57:01.000 But it's like, it's barely $10 a month, dude.
00:57:03.000 It's two beers a month.
00:57:04.000 You can afford it.
00:57:05.000 And this will always be free.
00:57:08.000 And that's it.
00:57:09.000 That's my three things that I do with my time now, outside of trying to be a good husband and a wonderful dad.
00:57:15.000 And yeah, I should devote some episodes to that too.
00:57:18.000 Anyway, I like you more than a friend.
00:57:19.000 See you in a few days.