Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - Get Off My Lawn Podcast #1 | I Slept In The Car Last Night

00:00:03.000 I slept in the car last night.

00:00:04.000 I kind of slept in the car last night in a form of the doghouse.

00:00:10.000 You know, the doghouse where your wife doesn't want to be with you so you sleep sometimes on the couch, sometimes in a more solid doghouse like a car.

00:00:20.000 This was kind of that, but not really.

00:00:23.000 I slept in the car with my .30-06 Huntsman rifle loaded with very powerful shells.

00:00:30.000 It shoots five.

00:00:31.000 I don't know what you call that.

00:00:33.000 I have to pull the trigger five times.

00:00:37.000 That's how many?

00:00:38.000 Four?

00:00:42.000 And I guess that's a semi-automatic?

00:00:44.000 I don't know.

00:00:45.000 Us non-gun types are very obvious when we talk about guns.

00:00:49.000 Same with sports.

00:00:51.000 And the left isn't smart enough to stay away from that. 0.99

00:00:55.000 They kill. 0.88

00:00:57.000 They still keep saying things like it was a semi-automatic. 0.98

00:01:03.000 They always humiliate themselves with that stuff.

00:01:06.000 So I had my gun.

00:01:07.000 I had a knife, I guess, if you count my Leatherman around my waist.

00:01:10.000 Created by Tim Leatherman.

00:01:12.000 Very gifted inventor and wonderful entrepreneur you can read about in Michelle Malkin's book, Who Built That?

00:01:18.000 I also had my Maglite Flashlight by, I believe he was a Serbian, maybe Croatian, Tony Maglica, also featured in that book.

00:01:27.000 Made in the USA.

00:01:28.000 This is an entrepreneur who came here from a place where he was so poor as a kid that his mother would leave him a small bag of flour when he was four.

00:01:41.000 And she would go in, take a boat to wherever the nearest place was.

00:01:45.000 You know, all those islands near the Balkans.

00:01:47.000 And she would sell, I don't know, pots? 1.00

00:01:51.000 Pots they made?

00:01:52.000 And then she would come back three days later, and her four-year-old boy had been sitting there, I guess pooping on the lawn.

00:02:01.000 And mixing that flour with water to stave off his hunger pains.

00:02:05.000 That's the kind of suffering he endured as a boy.

00:02:08.000 And now he makes these amazing flashlights and spends a lot of money on trademarks.

00:02:15.000 Because he keeps getting ripped off by people who steal his awesome designs.

00:02:19.000 So I was equipped with those two entrepreneur things.

00:02:21.000 The rifles are Remington.

00:02:25.000 And then there was a baseball bat.

00:02:29.000 Made by Louisville.

00:02:31.000 A Louisville slugger.

00:02:33.000 I believe they were the first to make baseball bats.

00:02:35.000 I believe they made them out of Canadian maple.

00:02:39.000 Most kids use steel now.

00:02:42.000 They're not allowed to use wood in Little League.

00:02:43.000 It might shatter.

00:02:44.000 Anyway, I'm adding way too many tangents to the various bric-a-brac I brought.

00:02:50.000 But let me tell you why I slept in my car.

00:02:54.000 I live in the suburbs of New York in Westchester, about an hour north, sort of in the middle, and this is a very pro-Hillary, DNC little enclave.

00:03:04.000 It's strange because every dad is in finance here.

00:03:07.000 You'd think they'd like the Dow. 0.98

00:03:09.000 You'd think they'd like a free market president, but maybe they're just pussy whipped. 0.99

00:03:14.000 I had Chelsea Clinton next door during the election. 1.00

00:03:17.000 She was here having a big fundraiser.

00:03:20.000 All the local rich people came in.

00:03:21.000 I'm rich, by the way. 0.98

00:03:23.000 All the local rich people came and they wore their pussy hats. 0.99

00:03:25.000 I'm not exaggerating. 0.98

00:03:26.000 A pussy hat is still very common to see. 1.00

00:03:29.000 Some woman walking her dog with that ridiculous joke on her head. 1.00

00:03:36.000 Lady, that was a joke. 1.00

00:03:38.000 It was an offensive joke.

00:03:40.000 You got me there.

00:03:41.000 But it was said in the privacy of a bus.

00:03:44.000 And ladies, I don't want to break your hearts, but that's how... I'm gonna say 99% of us talk.

00:03:50.000 I have... David Cross does not talk like that when he's alone with the guys.

00:03:55.000 And it's... it can be jarring.

00:03:58.000 The rest of us talk like that.

00:04:01.000 Sorry.

00:04:02.000 And yes, there are situations where a groupie is so into you that one is inclined to perform such an act.

00:04:10.000 And it's done consensually.

00:04:12.000 I know, you hate Donald Trump.

00:04:13.000 You can't imagine any woman attracted to him.

00:04:15.000 I can't imagine that a joke on a bus has dominated so much of America's discourse and was the major, it was his number one drawback with the election.

00:04:26.000 Not John McCain, not insulting Ted Cruz's wife, nothing else was as controversial as a joke on a bus.

00:04:34.000 And now women in my neighborhood wear it on their head. 1.00

00:04:37.000 You're wearing a joke on your head.

00:04:38.000 You're wearing a rude joke on your head.

00:04:41.000 So in this neighborhood, being pro-Trump is bizarre.

00:04:43.000 Wearing a MAGA hat would definitely elicit gasps.

00:04:47.000 I'm not exaggerating.

00:04:49.000 And so, word got out who I am.

00:04:52.000 And the media is not very friendly to people of my, um, to my demographic, my peer group.

00:05:00.000 As Tim Allen said, there's nothing more dangerous than a likable, funny conservative.

00:05:05.000 And he was talking about the character he played on his show, which was cancelled.

00:05:09.000 And it was cancelled because the execs, mostly women I'd imagine, don't want to facilitate Trump and they don't want to facilitate Hitler America, which is what Trump America is to them.

00:05:21.000 And so they pull out this successful show so they won't have blood on their hands.

00:05:29.000 And you see this all over the place.

00:05:30.000 Social media, the reason Jack at Twitter is ghosting conservatives, the reason Mark Zuckerberg is messing with conservatives, is because they believe this narrative that it's Hitler America and it's going to be a race war and they don't want to be responsible for that. 0.89

00:05:44.000 It's the same reason that British media is so petrified of being Islamophobic and will let child rapists go, child killers, when it comes to honor killing, 0.78

00:05:56.000 But we'll prosecute someone who throws bacon on a mosque. 0.95

00:06:00.000 There was two guys in East London, Polish immigrants, I believe, who threw bacon on a mosque. 1.00

00:06:04.000 They were thrown in prison, which is full of violent, radical Muslims, who then killed one of them. 1.00

00:06:11.000 They tried to kill Tommy Robinson, too. 0.90

00:06:13.000 And now we've got a Scottish guy, Count Dankula, who is facing jail time for teaching his pug to zeig heil.

00:06:20.000 Again, as a joke.

00:06:22.000 Have you heard of a joke?

00:06:24.000 Are you familiar with kidding?

00:06:27.000 Like Orwell said, within every joke, there's a tiny revolution.

00:06:30.000 Now, every joke is a revolution.

00:06:33.000 It's considered a revolution and a joke.

00:06:35.000 You gotta check out stand-up comedy, by the way. 0.99

00:06:38.000 If you're not into it, I highly recommend go to any comedy night, any city in the Western world, and the topics are 2016 sucked, Trump sucks, Trump is Hitler. 0.99

00:06:49.000 Occasionally Trump is the devil, but that's it. 0.97

00:06:52.000 And even if they were right, I'd go, even if it was 1930, uh, 1943 Germany, I'd go, can we not talk about Hitler, please? 0.90

00:07:00.000 I'm bored, I see him on the news every day.

00:07:05.000 So anyway, that's my watch scraping on my gigantic desk I bought for this show.

00:07:12.000 So I've been outed in the neighborhood as Richard Spencer.

00:07:15.000 No one wants to talk to me about it, but there's no difference for them between David Duke, Richard Spencer, Steve Bannon, Rand Paul. 0.98

00:07:27.000 Everyone on CRTV, Malcolm Levin, Levin, when that whole, when he said Obama's wiretapping Trump, he was, the press talked about him as this idiotic, right-wing, conspiratorial radio show host. 0.95

00:07:41.000 To them, he was Alex Jones. 0.96

00:07:43.000 And they don't even have Alex Jones right.

00:07:45.000 They just go, Alex Jones, he thinks Sandy Hook didn't happen.

00:07:48.000 Now, I believe he had a guest on his show once who said Sandy Hook didn't happen.

00:07:53.000 But that's Jones's legacy.

00:07:56.000 And I think one of the reasons the left runs with these narratives is because they're incurious.

00:08:00.000 You know, my local bar up here, I'll never forget this, and I'm probably going to mention it a hundred times, but I'm sitting there drinking my alcohol, which is now Bud, because I'm trying to quit Makers, and the guys are selling wine, and he goes, this wine is from South Africa.

00:08:16.000 And the bartender says, I'm not interested in buying from South Africa.

00:08:20.000 Now, Apartheid was abolished a quarter of a century ago.

00:08:25.000 Rhodesia is Zimbabwe now. 0.97

00:08:27.000 Mugabe runs it with an iron fist. 1.00

00:08:29.000 He's a racist tyrant who hates white people and is having them killed every day with his own troops. 1.00

00:08:37.000 He calls them the war veterans. 1.00

00:08:38.000 They're little kids who go and murder people. 0.90

00:08:41.000 And yes, there's a lot of black-on-black violence in South Africa right now, way more than there was under Apartheid. 0.86

00:08:46.000 I'm not justifying Apartheid.

00:08:47.000 That's just a fact.

00:08:49.000 But the level of torture that these white farmers are going through right now in South Africa is almost too disturbing to mention.

00:08:57.000 An old lady tied to a chair and then drilled to death with an electric drill. 1.00

00:09:03.000 Or they'll take a family, tie up the dad, rape the mother, burn the children alive, 1.00

00:09:11.000 Kill the mother after they've raped her and then untie the dad so he has to live with this and he eventually kills himself. 0.99

00:09:18.000 It's so sadistic what's going on in South Africa right now that if it was in a horror movie, people wouldn't watch it. 0.99

00:09:24.000 They'd go, that's just gratuitous.

00:09:26.000 There's no plot there.

00:09:28.000 You've got no... I can't empathize with any of the characters.

00:09:32.000 You've gone too absurd.

00:09:34.000 You have to have some semblance of reality, South Africa. 0.96

00:09:38.000 But, in this culture we go, South Africa is the racist place, it will always be that, and there's nothing worse than racism.

00:09:47.000 Nothing worse.

00:09:50.000 This is the stigma.

00:09:51.000 In Canada, it's slightly different.

00:09:53.000 Up there, it's aboriginals. 1.00

00:09:55.000 There's nothing worse than daring to discredit Indians.

00:09:59.000 But here, it's racism.

00:10:01.000 And if you met a racist three years ago, you need to move. 0.88

00:10:06.000 I don't want to touch you.

00:10:10.000 You know, I heard they were doing a documentary on Jeffrey Dahmer, and he contacted the people who were doing it, and he said, look, I want to make something crystal clear here. 0.96

00:10:19.000 I ate black people because I lived in a bad neighborhood where it was mostly black people. 1.00

00:10:24.000 I'm not racist.

00:10:27.000 Let that sink in, as Paul Joseph Watson would say. 0.90

00:10:31.000 Jeffrey Dahmer is a cannibal, an admitted cannibal, but his biggest fear is being known as a racist. 0.82

00:10:39.000 That's what all this taking a knee is, by the way.

00:10:42.000 All these NFL players are taking a knee to make it clear that they are against racism and they don't support racism.

00:10:48.000 And... I think his name's Jesse Ben?

00:10:51.000 What an annoying name that is.

00:10:53.000 Is that a name... Did your Jewish ancestors change your name because of the Holocaust or they didn't want... They were on the run and they were like Ben Berberg or something and they changed it?

00:11:02.000 Change it back! 0.96

00:11:05.000 Show some pride.

00:11:06.000 If your name was Silverstein, change it back to Silver.

00:11:10.000 I don't know.

00:11:11.000 I mean, I'm being hypocritical because my original name was McGinnis, and my grandfather was an Irish bookie.

00:11:16.000 And in Scotland, no one trusted an Irishman, so he changed it to McKinnis.

00:11:19.000 I mean, yeah, I should change it back to McGinnis.

00:11:23.000 I should put my money where my mouth is.

00:11:25.000 There's going to be some hypocrisy on this show, folks.

00:11:27.000 Anyway, Jesse Ben wrote an article saying, if you are white and you're standing up for the national anthem, 0.96

00:11:33.000 Then you are complicit in white supremacy.

00:11:36.000 And that is our biggest fear in America.

00:11:39.000 Not necessarily being racist.

00:11:43.000 That's pedophilia.

00:11:44.000 I mean, that's just unthinkable.

00:11:45.000 But being even near it. 0.98

00:11:47.000 Having a neighbor who's a pedophile. 0.99

00:11:49.000 Uh, being seen with a pedophile. 0.99

00:11:51.000 Not hating a pedophile enough. 0.79

00:11:53.000 I mean, I know of a guy... Oh, God.

00:11:56.000 Maybe you could look this up, Dave?

00:11:58.000 I think I tweeted it.

00:12:00.000 There was a guy who was stabbed by his friends for not disavowing a Nazi enough.

00:12:07.000 So it was a guy, I think he was in Charlottesville or something, and they were talking about him on Facebook, and one of the guys who used to know this person said, Oh, he's a Nazi? 0.98

00:12:16.000 Oh, that sucks, man. 0.97

00:12:18.000 He was a good guy. 0.99

00:12:19.000 When I knew him eight years ago, that person who said that was then stabbed.

00:12:26.000 That's the culture we live in.

00:12:27.000 Anyway, I'm building all this up to tell you, yada-dee-yada, I'm not a Nazi, but because I'm right-wing in New York, and I love Trump, and I don't take a knee, then my neighbors hate me.

00:12:45.000 And so I've had a few incidents here in town.

00:12:47.000 I'm a pariah already, which is... I can handle it.

00:12:50.000 I like being a pariah, to be honest.

00:12:51.000 I'm like Larry David.

00:12:52.000 I don't want to talk to you.

00:12:54.000 So if you hate me, that's wonderful.

00:12:56.000 In fact, that was an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm, where he sprained LeBron James' ankle, or Shaquille O'Neal's ankle, and everyone hated him for it, and he was walking on air.

00:13:06.000 That's great.

00:13:07.000 I don't like it because it affects my wife's social life. 1.00

00:13:11.000 And it will eventually affect my kid's social life.

00:13:15.000 Sorry, my daughter can't go to your daughter's birthday party because I read somewhere in some fake news site that has no credibility anymore like the Washington Post or the New York Times or the SPLC or the ADL that you're a Nazi.

00:13:28.000 And the reason I mentioned that South Africa thing is the New York Times is only very recently a laughingstock.

00:13:36.000 I'd say the past 10 years.

00:13:38.000 The Washington Post?

00:13:40.000 That's only become fake news and a complete laughingstock when Jeff Bezos of Amazon took over.

00:13:45.000 When was that?

00:13:46.000 Look that up, Dave.

00:13:48.000 And the SPLC, you know, they've got a good background.

00:13:52.000 They used to be meritist.

00:13:54.000 They used to be somewhere you could rely on.

00:13:56.000 And then their hate list grew and grew because that's how they make money. 0.98

00:13:59.000 They make old rich people scared.

00:14:02.000 And so now it's anyone who's pro-life and anyone who's against gay marriage and 0.51

00:14:06.000 They're actually getting sued now, because they have ex-Muslims on their hate list for being Islamophobic, and these ex-Muslims are simply describing the world they came from.

00:14:15.000 The world where their mothers and sisters were in constant danger, and they were in danger.

00:14:23.000 So, the SPLC is a joke, but that's recent.

00:14:27.000 And these people who... it takes them a quarter century to... You got it there?

00:14:32.000 Washington Post closes sale to Amazon.

00:14:34.000 When was that?

00:14:37.000 Sorry, it was almost exactly four years ago.

00:14:40.000 So the Washington Post became a joke in the past four years.

00:14:40.000 Four years ago.

00:14:43.000 But, you know, if South Africa is still racist, then these organizations can glide on their legacy for, I don't know, 25 years?

00:14:54.000 I mean, how many people have read Bill McGowan's Coloring the News or his other book on the New York Times' Grey Lady Down?

00:15:00.000 Those books perfectly summarize why the New York Times is a joke, and it basically comes down to pinch Arthur Salzberger Jr.

00:15:07.000 being a rich kid and never experiencing real diversity.

00:15:11.000 His idea of diversity is going to amazing restaurants all over the world. 0.99

00:15:15.000 That's why the New York Times sucks. 0.78

00:15:18.000 So, after Charlottesville, which I disavowed back in June and said that I don't want anything to do with this, I'm not racist, I'm not racist, I'm just gonna get a swastika crossed out, tattooed on my forehead. 0.93

00:15:28.000 That'll help.

00:15:29.000 Maybe I'll just become a Rastafarian. 0.99

00:15:33.000 I'll just have long dreads and wear sort of a leather Jamaica map.

00:15:38.000 No, a leather Africa sort of outline, you know those leather sort of pendants, but with the Jamaican colors.

00:15:45.000 And speak in a Jamaican accent.

00:15:47.000 No, then you get into Rachel Dolezal, and it's even worse.

00:15:51.000 So... Since Charlottesville, my neighborhood hates me.

00:15:55.000 And, uh...

00:15:56.000 I was on the train going into the city, as I'm wont to do.

00:16:00.000 And this guy is staring at me, and I go, oh great, here we go.

00:16:03.000 So I run away, and I go to the quiet car.

00:16:06.000 I'm happy to fight anyone in the city.

00:16:08.000 I just don't want it near my kids.

00:16:10.000 You know what I mean?

00:16:11.000 So I would happily get plastic surgery in my neighborhood.

00:16:15.000 Or be like Batman, and only put on my bat cape when I go into the city. 0.75

00:16:20.000 But I don't want it around my family, obviously.

00:16:23.000 So here it is around my family and and he gets he follows me the quiet car and I'm looking at some article about a statue being taken down and he goes it takes him about 40 minutes no no not 40 minutes the whole rides 40 minutes it takes him about 20 minutes to summon the courage to say what you're in

00:16:38.000 And I go, no, he goes, what do you think of that?

00:16:41.000 And I go, it's depressing.

00:16:43.000 And he thought I was looking at another page that said Trump finally disavows blah, blah, blah.

00:16:47.000 By the way, he disavowed Charlottesville the second it happened.

00:16:50.000 He did a second press conference later on to reiterate that because the left couldn't hear.

00:16:55.000 And so he was one of those lefties.

00:16:58.000 And he was saying, are you mad?

00:17:00.000 It's depressing that it took so long for him to say that.

00:17:03.000 And I go, oh, you're talking about the other page?

00:17:05.000 Yeah, he's fine with Charlottesville.

00:17:08.000 By the way, he said some of them were fine people.

00:17:12.000 He saved lives by saying that.

00:17:15.000 I'm sure a very tiny amount of them were fine people.

00:17:17.000 I know some.

00:17:18.000 Faith Goldie went down there to report it.

00:17:20.000 There was reporters there, they were fine people.

00:17:22.000 But if he had said these people are evil and need to die, now we start pecking off people that we assume are sympathetic to Charlottesville.

00:17:29.000 And judging by my reception since Charlottesville in my neighborhood, I'd be one of them. 0.98

00:17:32.000 And you will have got the wrong guy.

00:17:35.000 Actually, they're getting the wrong guy. 1.00

00:17:36.000 I had to sleep in my car last night with a fucking gun! 1.00

00:17:37.000 Excuse my language. 0.99

00:17:41.000 So, he sits and he talks to me, and I don't know what his point was, but he was so bad at arguing, and he said, America's built on risk-taking.

00:17:48.000 I said, I agree, that's called capitalism.

00:17:51.000 He said, no, it's socialism, because you need a safety net.

00:17:54.000 And I go, that's just less risk-taking.

00:17:55.000 And then he had this crazy analogy where he says, if you go to a casino,

00:17:59.000 We're good to go.

00:18:20.000 Then guys in finance.

00:18:22.000 I'm not denying they know everything about every single company your shares are in, but they just move around your money on safe bets, and they make you 5% a year.

00:18:30.000 No one can break 5% a year.

00:18:31.000 So your job is total and utter BS.

00:18:34.000 You should be embarrassed. 0.99

00:18:36.000 All of my neighbors, they hate me for this mythical Nazi. 0.98

00:18:40.000 I hate them for a real sommelier. 1.00

00:18:43.000 You wanna talk stupid jobs? 1.00

00:18:46.000 Your job doesn't exist! 1.00

00:18:47.000 You're an interior decorator.

00:18:48.000 You're a Feng Shui person.

00:18:51.000 You're an astrologist!

00:18:53.000 I don't bug you for your Capricorn on the cusp of Sagittarius rising or whatever you call it. 0.99

00:19:01.000 Anyway, so he bores me, I destroy him, because, you know, they say our blacks are better than their blacks. 0.97

00:19:07.000 Our conservatives in New York are better than their liberals. 0.98

00:19:10.000 We have been hammered on a daily basis for every argument, and they have the opposite experience.

00:19:16.000 So they say things like, we're a nation of immigrants, which I said when I was 18, and then we destroy them, say actually we're a nation of citizens, and all countries are built on conquest and war, and that's what history is. 0.97

00:19:28.000 I don't think I can name a country that was done on a handshake deal.

00:19:34.000 I believe the Maoris, when they got to New Zealand, the Maoris were lying in sand piles, holding these field hockey sticks they use, and they destroyed...

00:19:44.000 The Brits.

00:19:45.000 And I believe the foundation of New Zealand was, alright look, it's been six years we've been fighting and you're winning, so let's just agree to disagree and maybe we can have this part and you can have that part and we'll pay you tons of money for the rest of your lives.

00:20:02.000 Yes!

00:20:03.000 That will work!

00:20:06.000 Of course the charity has not been good to the Maoris.

00:20:08.000 Charity isn't good for anyone.

00:20:10.000 Neamus Schafer-Rowley has a brilliant book on that called The New Trail of Tears that I mentioned in my first episode of Get Off My Lawn on CRTV.com.

00:20:18.000 Actually, those episodes or the intro episodes are free on my YouTube, The Gavin 2000, and you can go check out what I'm all about because my neighbors and most of America seems to have the wrong idea.

00:20:30.000 Anyway, so that's boring.

00:20:33.000 That guy bugs me and he talks to me about his bull BS, motherhood statements, really trivial, love, we're all, can't we all just get along, blah, blah, blah.

00:20:44.000 Who disagrees with you?

00:20:46.000 You know?

00:20:48.000 It's like when they say, love trumps hate.

00:20:51.000 We want love, we don't want hate.

00:20:53.000 You think everyone wants hate?

00:20:53.000 Yeah, dude.

00:20:56.000 What are you talking about?

00:20:57.000 No more war!

00:20:57.000 I agree.

00:20:58.000 Maggie Thatcher agrees.

00:21:00.000 General Patton agrees.

00:21:03.000 You know, Mad Dog Mattis agrees.

00:21:06.000 We don't want war.

00:21:07.000 We don't want 18-year-olds to die.

00:21:09.000 You gotta go to the farthest, farthest right.

00:21:12.000 They don't want people dying.

00:21:14.000 We're adults.

00:21:15.000 Especially those adults who have kids.

00:21:17.000 We have a stake in the game.

00:21:22.000 So, that was one incident, and that was right after Charlottesville, and I thought, uh-oh.

00:21:27.000 Despite saying I have nothing to do with this months before it happened, I'm getting roped into this, and I get roped into it by fake news, and I get roped in by fake news because of what Tim Allen said.

00:21:36.000 I'm a threat, because I'm funny, as you may have noticed from this hilarious show, and charming, and I'm right-wing.

00:21:43.000 That's a real danger to them.

00:21:45.000 And they hate when we have- I started this fraternal group called the Proud Boys. 0.63

00:21:50.000 It's just like the Elks Lodge or something and we have black members. 0.76

00:21:53.000 And the left hates that! 0.89

00:21:56.000 So they antagonize these members until they quit. 0.95

00:21:59.000 And they make up lies until the black guy goes, really? 0.85

00:22:01.000 They said that? 0.97

00:22:02.000 Oh man, I'm out.

00:22:04.000 Because they see, we see blacks and Asians and Jews and whatever as human beings.

00:22:10.000 And if they're culturally with us, they're culturally with us. 0.95

00:22:13.000 The left is about identity politics and they see blacks as pets.

00:22:17.000 And so they want to maximize their pets like a little collection. 0.94

00:22:21.000 And it's ironic because I see liberals talk to blacks and they're so uncomfortable. 1.00

00:22:26.000 And black people can sense that has been my experience.

00:22:29.000 Whereas I feel I get along better with black people than liberals because I'm not that excited. 1.00

00:22:35.000 You know, I don't do the cool handshake with the hug, the wrap handshake.

00:22:39.000 I do my normal handshake.

00:22:41.000 And African American people of colour appreciate that. 0.96

00:22:46.000 Plus, the left has no testosterone. 1.00

00:22:49.000 And my experience with black Americans is they like, when you're alone with black dads at a party, they like talking trash and dirty talk and mean talk. 1.00

00:22:59.000 And liberals are scared of that. 0.99

00:23:00.000 A great example of that, actually, my son, who, by the way, I have separated from racism in that he doesn't know what a race is yet. 0.91

00:23:10.000 You know the talk where black people say you better be careful, cops are gonna kill you?

00:23:15.000 I do the opposite. 0.97

00:23:17.000 My kids don't know about 9-11.

00:23:20.000 Actually, I think schools told them about it, but I push away all that stuff so they can have maximum childhood.

00:23:24.000 So my son had a lot of black friends, and he didn't know they were black friends.

00:23:27.000 He goes, why don't my friends have black skin?

00:23:30.000 I see that as a huge victory as a parent. 0.89

00:23:32.000 If your kid calls black people black skin, doesn't even know the term black people, you've won. 1.00

00:23:39.000 That's like a kid believing in Santa till he's 10. 0.65

00:23:42.000 That's a victory for you as a parent.

00:23:44.000 Not knowing what sex is till they're 12.

00:23:46.000 That's good.

00:23:47.000 Good for you.

00:23:49.000 Yeah, but they might get pregnant. 1.00

00:23:50.000 Shut up! 1.00

00:23:53.000 So I'm at this party and they're watching Big Hero 6, which by the way is a cartoon where Tokyo has taken over San Francisco. 0.99

00:24:01.000 It's called San Fransokyo or something.

00:24:03.000 Can you imagine that in another environment?

00:24:06.000 Where America had taken over 0.85

00:24:11.000 Tokyo or any African city and some African city in the Congo was called Oongaka, New York.

00:24:19.000 And all the architecture was New York and they had a little Empire State Building.

00:24:23.000 But anyway, we enjoy being colonized.

00:24:23.000 People would be furious.

00:24:25.000 We think it's cute.

00:24:27.000 And I'm watching this cartoon and the parents, this was way out in Brooklyn when I lived there.

00:24:33.000 Their parents had broadcast the movie onto the side of their building.

00:24:36.000 It's really cool.

00:24:37.000 It's like 20 feet high.

00:24:39.000 And it's a kid's party where they're gonna watch the movie.

00:24:42.000 And I go, awesome.

00:24:44.000 I can go to a bar.

00:24:45.000 That buys me what?

00:24:46.000 These movies are super long now.

00:24:47.000 They're two hours or something.

00:24:49.000 I got two hours.

00:24:50.000 Guilt-free.

00:24:51.000 I know the boy's safe.

00:24:52.000 Let's go.

00:24:53.000 Or let's at least go get drunk. 0.97

00:24:55.000 And the white dads... 0.79

00:24:57.000 White Dads in Brooklyn all love Hillary.

00:24:59.000 They wear J.Crew and they have this sailor look.

00:25:02.000 They're very nautical.

00:25:03.000 Where they have these horizontal stripes with kind of a scoop neck. 0.96

00:25:07.000 I swear to God, my genitalia is contracting right now. 0.97

00:25:11.000 I'm so disgusted. 0.98

00:25:12.000 You know when you stand near the edge of a building? 0.95

00:25:14.000 I don't know if men, if you get this, your testes will sort of contract.

00:25:19.000 I think it's a safety thing. 0.99

00:25:20.000 By the way, balls, if I fall off this building, we're both dead. 0.98

00:25:24.000 You can get as close to my body as you want, it's not gonna help things, okay? 0.98

00:25:28.000 But I appreciate, I appreciate your safety precautions.

00:25:32.000 But anyway, I'm literally having physical reactions to this description.

00:25:38.000 So they've got their horizontal stripes, like they're Jacques Cousteau.

00:25:41.000 And then they all wear funky socks.

00:25:44.000 And I like a Union Jack sock once in a while.

00:25:46.000 I'm not talking about Justin Trudeau funky.

00:25:48.000 I'm talking about even funkier.

00:25:50.000 Like pink with orange dots.

00:25:53.000 Ugh.

00:25:54.000 Like they're the host of a children's program.

00:25:56.000 Like Polka Dot Door.

00:25:57.000 Hi, Pokaroo! 0.87

00:25:58.000 I'm a dad in Brooklyn.

00:26:00.000 So they all, these dads, curl up next to their boys and watch the movie all snuggled.

00:26:07.000 Watching a cartoon!

00:26:09.000 Can you believe that?

00:26:12.000 That's not healthy!

00:26:13.000 Like, the other night I brought my son to baseball practice and I was sitting there with the dads watching my boy practice, not even the game, and I go, this feels gay.

00:26:23.000 What am I doing watching a boy play? 1.00

00:26:26.000 So I go to the bar, which took forever and had terrible service, and I come back.

00:26:31.000 You don't s- Boys should be together making jokes, throwing popcorn at the screen.

00:26:35.000 It's a building.

00:26:36.000 It can take it.

00:26:38.000 Yell fart in a crowded theater.

00:26:40.000 That's free speech.

00:26:43.000 So, I'm, I'm, I recoil in horror at this disgusting sight of dads thinking that they're, they're kids' friends.

00:26:51.000 And, look, my dad explained this to me very recently, actually.

00:26:54.000 He said, you can either be friends with your kids when you're young or when you're old.

00:26:58.000 I chose old.

00:26:59.000 And it's true. 0.56

00:27:00.000 My dad's my bro now. 0.95

00:27:01.000 And I wanted to murder him when I was a teenager.

00:27:04.000 In fact, I stood toe-to-toe with him and I said, let's do this.

00:27:07.000 It was the day I moved out.

00:27:09.000 I said, let's do this.

00:27:10.000 I'm done.

00:27:10.000 Let's fight.

00:27:12.000 And he said, get out before I do something I regret.

00:27:16.000 And he tried to strangle me, but without touching my neck, which is very difficult.

00:27:21.000 A safety strangle.

00:27:22.000 So I go, all right, I'm leaving.

00:27:25.000 And I go over to this table where there's some wine and guess who's there? 0.67

00:27:28.000 The four black dads. 0.97

00:27:30.000 The four black dads are the only ones who aren't snuggling with their kids. 0.97

00:27:33.000 And you know what we talked about? 0.99

00:27:34.000 We talked about sex. 0.99

00:27:36.000 We talked about sex with our wives. 0.99

00:27:38.000 One of them told me that he has this special box under his bed. 0.92

00:27:41.000 It's like a fancy box.

00:27:43.000 He got, I don't know, a couple bottles champagne in at work.

00:27:46.000 And it's like a perfect, not quite wood, but better than cardboard box.

00:27:50.000 And he's got all his little outfits that he likes her to wear in there.

00:27:52.000 And I thought, that's a cool idea.

00:27:54.000 I want to have a nice box.

00:27:55.000 You're brilliant.

00:27:56.000 You know, I learned from that.

00:27:57.000 That's good for my marriage.

00:27:58.000 You know, we talk trash about other people, and mistakes we've made, and hubris, and... Anyway.

00:28:07.000 Here I am bragging about my black friends.

00:28:11.000 So, I talked to that boring finance sommelier, and now he's, you know, in my life, and he wants to be friends, and oh, God.

00:28:21.000 So that was the beginning of sort of my pariah status in the neighborhood.

00:28:24.000 And then...

00:28:26.000 A couple days later I'm pulling into the driveway and there's this Goomba.

00:28:30.000 He looks like a bouncer.

00:28:33.000 And you don't get that in this neighborhood.

00:28:34.000 It's all beta male finance guys with glasses.

00:28:37.000 And this guy was a bodybuilder, and he's turning the corner, and he's right at my driveway.

00:28:42.000 So I'm pulling out, my whole family's there, and he sort of stands not in front of my car, but in a way that is not on the side of the road.

00:28:49.000 And he does this like, yeah, you wanna go?

00:28:51.000 You wanna do this?

00:28:52.000 I'll do this right now, like with his hands extended, very, you know, those, that Italian gesticulation.

00:28:57.000 Hey, hey, what are you gonna do, huh?

00:28:58.000 Hey, hey! 0.96

00:28:59.000 So he's going, hey, you wanna do this?

00:29:01.000 Hey, come on, right now, right now.

00:29:02.000 He's not saying that, but that's what his gestures indicate.

00:29:05.000 And here's the weird part of the story.

00:29:06.000 He takes off his wraparound shades, and he's cross-eyed.

00:29:12.000 Now, I've told this story 900 times.

00:29:14.000 I don't, I've saved that detail to the very end, because it's distracting. 0.87

00:29:17.000 Because you go, is he, is he retarded? 1.00

00:29:21.000 I drive past him, playing dumb, sort of, because my kids are in the car, and I go, what the, that's a crazy guy. 1.00

00:29:26.000 What will they think of next, these crazy people? 0.99

00:29:28.000 And then I look at my rearview mirror and he's standing in the middle of the road, sorta like a, with his cross eyes, crossed eyes, going, come back!

00:29:34.000 You wanna do this?

00:29:35.000 Come on! 0.61

00:29:38.000 What do I do?

00:29:38.000 I go half a block, get my wife to drive, run around the corner, and say, what's your issue here?

00:29:43.000 Because Tommy Robinson is the master of this.

00:29:45.000 This is what you do in these situations.

00:29:47.000 You run up, ideally recording with your phone, because you want documentation if this guy tries to burn your house down, and you go, what's the issue here?

00:29:56.000 What's your problem?

00:29:56.000 What's happening?

00:29:57.000 What's happening?

00:30:00.000 And then they can settle it, because you know you're not that guy that they're talking about.

00:30:03.000 So they're going to say, I read here, and you say that's fake news.

00:30:07.000 You know, it's not like you're a pedophile. 0.97

00:30:09.000 If you're a pedophile, and someone said, hey, why do you like sexy boys? 0.99

00:30:17.000 You would just keep driving. 1.00

00:30:18.000 You'd go, sorry, that's my curse.

00:30:19.000 That's my lot in life.

00:30:20.000 I'm attracted to nine-year-old boys in red leather short shorts.

00:30:24.000 Oh, well, I have nothing to say about that.

00:30:26.000 That's just who I am.

00:30:28.000 What are you going to do? 0.98

00:30:29.000 It's just my disgusting curse? 0.97

00:30:29.000 Discuss it? 0.97

00:30:31.000 I actually think I heard pedophiles usually recommend castration for themselves. 1.00

00:30:36.000 So they agree with you that they need to die. 1.00

00:30:40.000 Sounds pretty easy, doesn't it? 1.00

00:30:41.000 I want you killed. 1.00

00:30:42.000 You want to die? 1.00

00:30:45.000 Anyway. 0.96

00:30:46.000 So I did nothing about that.

00:30:48.000 I just drove away.

00:30:50.000 And then much more recently, because Charlottesville was what, June 19th or something?

00:30:58.000 No.

00:30:59.000 No, I disavowed it in June.

00:31:00.000 It was August 19th.

00:31:01.000 There's some yuppie kid, rich kid, and those, by the way, it's hard to find someone more left-wing than rich kids.

00:31:11.000 They tend to work at my old company, Vice, and they hate Trump. 0.88

00:31:16.000 Trump is Hitler.

00:31:17.000 They're big into socialism, probably because that's been their life.

00:31:21.000 I mean, if you live in your parents' basement and you have your own sort of hangout by the pool house, then you're experiencing a form of socialism and you tend to like that.

00:31:30.000 You tend to be pro-philanthropy because you are enjoying philanthropy your entire life.

00:31:36.000 You went to some fancy school and now you have a good job,

00:31:38.000 Because you never got anything but favors, so you tend to think socialism works.

00:31:44.000 Look at me.

00:31:45.000 My rich parents subsidized me.

00:31:47.000 The rich should subsidize America and they can all be as happy as me.

00:31:51.000 So they're my enemies.

00:31:53.000 They're my arch enemies, these rich kids.

00:31:55.000 And you'll notice, even in Britain, you see this. 0.63

00:31:58.000 Like, Tommy Robinson lives in Luton, where it's all Muslim. 1.00

00:32:02.000 And he would get killed walking down the street, and I'm not exaggerating in the slightest.

00:32:07.000 But that's only a few miles from where I was born, Cheddington.

00:32:11.000 Cheddington is white, middle class, and posh.

00:32:14.000 And he's in just as much danger there.

00:32:16.000 In fact, he got mobbed at a bar there.

00:32:19.000 By kids who, you know, rich white kids with blonde hair who were calling him racist and they pounded him, they mobbed him.

00:32:27.000 Of course, being Tommy, he went back to one of the kids' homes and interviewed him on camera.

00:32:33.000 So that's what I try to do.

00:32:34.000 I stole that from him.

00:32:35.000 I want to talk to you if you're yelling profanity at me because you got the wrong guy.

00:32:40.000 And I want to settle this, obviously.

00:32:41.000 I want it out of the way.

00:32:45.000 So I'm with my boys on my front lawn, and we're practicing pitching because the kids today are so arrogant.

00:32:54.000 And my son is convinced he's the best pitcher

00:32:58.000 In the world.

00:32:59.000 And he walks people all the time, and I go, Buddy, you gotta take it easy on the hubris, okay?

00:33:04.000 You're not a god. 0.99

00:33:05.000 I'm not gonna say you suck, because that's not my job, but you... He thinks he's the best player on the team. 0.99

00:33:10.000 In fact, last season he was crying because they didn't win, and if he'd only done two Grand Slams, they could have won.

00:33:18.000 He thinks he's Cespedes from the Mets, and if the team fails, it's his fault because he's the greatest.

00:33:25.000 Relax, dude.

00:33:27.000 Anyway, I'm trying to take him down a peg.

00:33:30.000 And some yuppie kid, this rich kid, he rides by on his bike and he has Patagonia on his shirt.

00:33:37.000 And that says a lot.

00:33:38.000 He's got a little Lego hair side part.

00:33:40.000 He's much taller than me, probably like 6'2".

00:33:42.000 A little baseball hat, he's got his earbuds in.

00:33:45.000 Nice mountain bike.

00:33:47.000 And he's pedaling by and he says, How's the hate and ignorance industry working out for you?

00:33:54.000 Let's discuss that!

00:33:55.000 Stop! 1.00

00:33:56.000 So I go, what?

00:33:57.000 What'd you say?

00:33:57.000 Come here!

00:33:58.000 Come here!

00:33:59.000 And so he starts pedaling faster.

00:34:01.000 I chase him down the street for a block.

00:34:04.000 I'm an old man, though, and these youngsters on their bikes are quite nimble.

00:34:09.000 And so I run back to get my car, almost running over my kids in the process, because they're worried I'm going to run over all the baseballs that we were throwing.

00:34:18.000 And my four-year-old's like, Dad, wait!

00:34:20.000 I go, get him out of the way!

00:34:23.000 So my son grabs my other son, I peel out, and I go driving around the neighborhood for an hour, trying to find him.

00:34:30.000 To no avail.

00:34:32.000 But I was just going to ask him, recording with my phone, what are you talking about?

00:34:34.000 What's your issue here?

00:34:37.000 First of all, the hate industry, I have a lot of hate in me.

00:34:41.000 Hate is an underestimated, underrated emotion.

00:34:46.000 It's just like love in reverse.

00:34:48.000 I'm full of hate.

00:34:49.000 I hate flip-flops. 0.87

00:34:51.000 I hate those liberal dads in the nautical gear.

00:34:54.000 I see it all day.

00:34:55.000 I enjoy it, actually.

00:34:57.000 And when I go on vacation, I find someone to hate.

00:35:00.000 If you put too much mashed potatoes on your plate at the buffet, you're my enemy for the entire trip.

00:35:06.000 I want to get it out in the open.

00:35:07.000 In fact, at that very trip I'm talking about, it was in Jamaica, it was at a family-friendly resort, and it was so family-friendly that adults felt ostracized.

00:35:18.000 The tables were only two feet high, and they had little, you know, the kids loved these chicken strips and these mozzarella sticks, like easy breaded, dippable things.

00:35:28.000 And there's Sesame Street people everywhere.

00:35:29.000 I think it's called Pebbles?

00:35:31.000 Anyway, some 21-year-old shows up.

00:35:35.000 What are you doing here, dude?

00:35:36.000 We're all families.

00:35:37.000 100% of us are families.

00:35:38.000 It's all dads.

00:35:40.000 Why are you here?

00:35:41.000 And then I heard he was talking to some of the boys, like the 10-year-old boys, about, you know any chicks here?

00:35:45.000 I want to get laid.

00:35:45.000 Uh, don't talk that way to my kids.

00:35:48.000 And here's the craziest part. 0.97

00:35:50.000 He had a tattoo that was maybe 6 inches wide that was just a black strip that went from the top of his butt crack

00:35:58.000 Up his back, up his neck, and then across the top of his head and ended sort of at his hairline.

00:36:05.000 Like a mohawk.

00:36:07.000 It was a tattooed mohawk that started at a devil's peak on his forehead and went all the way down the back.

00:36:13.000 Now, all the dads are really uncomfortable about this guy.

00:36:18.000 They don't like that he's there.

00:36:20.000 Uncomfortable about?

00:36:21.000 Uncomfortable with.

00:36:22.000 Unhappy about.

00:36:24.000 But they don't want to say anything, because they don't like confrontation.

00:36:28.000 Including some dude from Brooklyn, who married a Jamaican woman, and he had the weirdest accent, I can't do it, imagine Jamaican, and what go on with, yo, what's up? 1.00

00:36:38.000 So we had like a, yo, what go on?

00:36:40.000 Including him, tough guy, lives in the two toughest places on earth, Brooklyn and Jamaica. 1.00

00:36:45.000 And he was too scared to approach him, so I approached this guy.

00:36:48.000 And I start saying, what are you doing here?

00:36:49.000 What's going on?

00:36:50.000 Oh, my travel agent screwed up.

00:36:51.000 And I go, if I was your age and my travel agent brought me here, I would get in a cab and go to Montego Bay, get an apartment, and just party with chicks, have a great time.

00:36:59.000 What are you doing here?

00:37:00.000 And I kept interrogating him until we had a screaming match, and he was yelling, I'm not a pedophile!

00:37:04.000 And the next day, he was at the lobby with his bags, getting a taxi.

00:37:09.000 Bye-bye, tattoo head!

00:37:11.000 And all the dads, including the tough guy, came up to me later and said, thank you so much.

00:37:15.000 It was ruining my vacation worrying about this guy.

00:37:18.000 Yeah, well, why didn't you say anything?

00:37:20.000 Say something.

00:37:21.000 If you see something, say something.

00:37:22.000 That's why it's in the opening credits of Get Off My Lawn.

00:37:26.000 I know I'm dragging out this story of me sleeping in my car with a shotgun, but it's the spine to what this podcast is about.

00:37:34.000 How are we doing for time, by the way, Dave?

00:37:36.000 Sitting at 37 minutes right now.

00:37:38.000 What was the first thing I asked you to look up besides Jeff Bezos?

00:37:41.000 That was three years ago.

00:37:42.000 Oh, the guy who was stabbed.

00:37:44.000 Yeah, that was in Vermont.

00:37:46.000 Vermont.

00:37:47.000 Do we have his name?

00:37:48.000 Uh, just close it.

00:37:49.000 Hold on.

00:37:51.000 Vermont.

00:37:52.000 Well, it's gonna fade in now that you took too long.

00:37:56.000 So, that guy disappears.

00:38:00.000 That was two nights ago, the guy on the bike.

00:38:02.000 And I wanted to ask him about it. 0.77

00:38:04.000 By the way, by hate and ignorance, he means Trump. 0.73

00:38:07.000 And I'll tell ya, it's not easy to make a buck.

00:38:10.000 I mean, I'm doing good at CRTV, and I was doing pretty good at Rebel, and I made some money at Compound and Tacky, but, uh, I've lost millions upon millions of dollars being on the right.

00:38:23.000 The victim, what's his name?

00:38:24.000 Sam Wormer?

00:38:25.000 Yep.

00:38:25.000 Sam Wormer.

00:38:26.000 So you can look that up on, uh, it's in Big League Politics.

00:38:29.000 Cassandra Fairbanks wrote about him.

00:38:31.000 That was the guy stabbed for not disavowing a Nazi enough, which is the boat I'm in. 0.99

00:38:37.000 And the hate and ignorance industry, the right-wing industry, sucks. 0.99

00:38:40.000 It's hard to make a buck here. 0.96

00:38:41.000 In fact, I think CRTV was formed, and I might be speaking at a turn here, I think CRTV was formed because they went, wait a minute, half the country is right, most of the media is left, there's a supply and demand hole here.

00:38:56.000 Well, one of the reasons there's a hole is people aren't brave enough.

00:39:01.000 They don't like being confrontational, they don't want to ask the pedophile what he's doing there, and they don't want to say,

00:39:06.000 Yeah, no.

00:39:07.000 Charity doesn't work. 0.99

00:39:09.000 Welfare doesn't work.

00:39:10.000 Immigration is a mess. 1.00

00:39:11.000 The Constitution is what matters.

00:39:13.000 I'm a cultural chauvinist.

00:39:15.000 I'm a Western chauvinist.

00:39:16.000 If you love the West, get the hell over here now. 0.69

00:39:19.000 If you don't, get off my lawn. 0.99

00:39:23.000 I'd love to discuss that with this guy, and I'm sure he's read some stupid article that frames me and says I did this and did that and I'm a Nazi. 0.99

00:39:31.000 These people don't want to talk, is the other thing. 0.98

00:39:34.000 You know, you can email me, you can come on my show.

00:39:36.000 I'm going to start taking calls, by the way, on this show.

00:39:40.000 We're open to debate.

00:39:42.000 I love debating, but I just wish I could debate things I believe in.

00:39:46.000 Those opening episodes to Get Off My Lawn.

00:39:50.000 I've said some controversial stuff.

00:39:51.000 Grill me about xenophobia. 0.92

00:39:54.000 That's screwed up. 0.95

00:39:55.000 I think other cultures are inferior? 0.99

00:39:59.000 I got an even more radical belief that would be fun to talk about, especially if you were stoned.

00:40:03.000 I think other species are inferior. 0.99

00:40:06.000 I think a hammerhead shark is a loser. 1.00

00:40:09.000 I think a deer is a loser. 1.00

00:40:10.000 I think a pygmy shrew, I think his life is hell. 1.00

00:40:14.000 He's got to eat something like three times his weight in food every day. 1.00

00:40:17.000 You're a loser, pygmy shrew. 1.00

00:40:19.000 You're a stressed out, rickety little loser. 1.00

00:40:22.000 That's worth debating. 0.99

00:40:24.000 Actually, I'm gonna have a- I have a nature buddy who's lived in the woods his entire life, and he knows, you know, the Latin name of every pygmy shrew.

00:40:31.000 I'm gonna have him on next episode and just talk about that theory, because he's a very rational, intelligent guy, and he's- he's a Trump guy.

00:40:37.000 Um... Surrounded by liberals like me.

00:40:39.000 He's not a normal Trump guy.

00:40:40.000 He doesn't hunt. 1.00

00:40:42.000 But it'll be fun to- to debate that with him, because he'll know the origin of deer and, you know, why they're herbivores, which seems idiotic to me. 1.00

00:40:50.000 Eat a mouse, you stupid deer. 1.00

00:40:54.000 So, he pedals away. 1.00

00:40:56.000 I don't get to discuss the hate and ignorance industry, but for the record, stranger, it sucks. 0.97

00:41:02.000 I was booted out of comedy. 0.93

00:41:03.000 I was booted out of every other industry. 0.99

00:41:06.000 I ran an ad agency called Rooster, and I was booted out for saying trans people are mentally ill gays. 0.99

00:41:12.000 I still believe that. 0.99

00:41:14.000 Actually, Dave, can you play my computer?

00:41:16.000 Yeah, I got it. 1.00

00:41:22.000 So, I was mocked for saying that- I am firmly- I was mocked for saying that- that trans are mentally ill gays. 0.99

00:41:28.000 I lost my ad agency. 0.99

00:41:29.000 We were bought by Havas, which is a huge ad agency.

00:41:32.000 French ad agency.

00:41:33.000 So, luckily, we were already paid.

00:41:36.000 But, this- you want to talk about the hate and ignorance industry?

00:41:40.000 Not taking trans people seriously, that- that's- that's really what- what this show comes down to, this episode of the podcast comes down to.

00:41:47.000 It's not that you disagree with them,

00:41:49.000 You have to do more than agree with them.

00:41:50.000 You have to take their argument and run with it and love it.

00:41:54.000 So, if someone takes a knee, some rich murderer, like, what's his name?

00:41:59.000 Ray Lee, the football player. 0.99

00:42:03.000 He murdered two black people. 0.99

00:42:05.000 If you don't take a knee with him, then you're racist. 1.00

00:42:08.000 If you don't enthusiastically support idiotic, hypocritical gestures, then you are in the KKK. 1.00

00:42:15.000 And so, for me, not supporting these trans people, who, by the way, I grew up as a weirdo. 1.00

00:42:20.000 I've known trans people since the 80s.

00:42:23.000 And I've seen them develop.

00:42:25.000 And they commit suicide, they change their minds.

00:42:28.000 They're not exactly a stalwart of society.

00:42:32.000 But, uh, this was Norm MacDonald talking to Caitlyn Jenner.

00:42:35.000 And, uh, I just want you to know...

00:42:37.000 That I lost my entire career in advertising, which I'm actually kind of glad about because I hated it.

00:42:42.000 But I lost my entire career in advertising for not giving this demographic enough credit.

00:42:48.000 Ready?

00:42:49.000 You'll be able to tell who's Norm and who's Caitlyn.

00:42:51.000 I am firmly on the side of womanhood now, but I am not a woman.

00:42:57.000 He's reading from Caitlyn Jenner's book.

00:42:59.000 Nor will I ever be.

00:43:02.000 Three sentences later, I use the woman's restroom because I am a woman. 1.00

00:43:07.000 I change my gender.

00:43:08.000 I'm aversive to female because I am a woman. 0.98

00:43:13.000 So there's a little confusion there, right?

00:43:17.000 Not for me.

00:43:17.000 What's wrong with that?

00:43:18.000 Well, here it says I am not a woman.

00:43:20.000 Here it says I am a woman.

00:43:22.000 Okay.

00:43:23.000 That.

00:43:25.000 Um... Uh... I...

00:43:38.000 By the way, you know what also is going on there?

00:43:40.000 I guarantee it.

00:43:41.000 I guarantee that book was ghostwritten and I guarantee Z hasn't read it and had never heard that paragraph before.

00:43:51.000 Guarantee!

00:43:53.000 Now obviously on the show when I say guarantee, you can't sue me.

00:43:56.000 I don't literally guarantee it.

00:43:58.000 But it's a figure of speech and I'm very, very sure.

00:44:01.000 I feel very strongly.

00:44:03.000 So anyway, that guy disappears.

00:44:04.000 That was two nights ago.

00:44:05.000 Bye-bye.

00:44:07.000 I scoured the streets.

00:44:09.000 Was I gonna fight him?

00:44:10.000 I don't know.

00:44:10.000 I definitely felt inclined.

00:44:13.000 That's the beauty of anyone messing with you when your family's nearby.

00:44:17.000 You can finally have a fight.

00:44:19.000 Bass Stickman said this to me once.

00:44:20.000 He goes, gotta be honest with you, dude.

00:44:23.000 I don't like violence, but I kind of like justified violence.

00:44:28.000 Someone hits a chick or something and I'm there and I'm pounding him.

00:44:30.000 That feels good.

00:44:31.000 I don't want to just pound someone randomly.

00:44:34.000 But when you're doing, when you're righteous, it's kind of fun.

00:44:38.000 I've actually heard cops say that too, when they're chasing a bad guy.

00:44:41.000 It's like hunting humans, one of them said to me once.

00:44:45.000 He was retired, he goes, I miss it.

00:44:47.000 Anyway.

00:44:50.000 I would have pounded him and it would have felt great.

00:44:52.000 Most fights are just a misunderstanding.

00:44:54.000 I had a guy that wanted to fight me the other day because I didn't return his text.

00:44:58.000 How am I going to drum up the gumption to have a fight?

00:45:02.000 Oh yeah, well sometimes I don't return texts.

00:45:06.000 That's just the way I am with texts.

00:45:09.000 Yeah!

00:45:10.000 Braveheart!

00:45:16.000 And then this, then last night.

00:45:18.000 No, just two nights ago.

00:45:20.000 This is very weird.

00:45:21.000 You ready for this?

00:45:23.000 You know, I'm gonna start a blog soon, and I'm gonna have, uh, I'm gonna have a list of the, uh oh, someone's texting me.

00:45:30.000 I'm selling one of my properties.

00:45:32.000 And this guy.

00:45:36.000 God, selling a property is so boring.

00:45:38.000 One of the things this guy said when he's buying it is, I want to make sure you don't take the thermostats away, because I want those to stay there.

00:45:50.000 I don't even know how to take a thermostat away.

00:45:52.000 How do you do that?

00:45:53.000 You just rip it out of the wall?

00:45:54.000 So the guy buys a house.

00:45:55.000 I assume it's freezing if it's in the winter, and there's just a red and blue wire hanging out of the wall.

00:46:01.000 I'm not going to take the thermostats, dude.

00:46:03.000 Relax.

00:46:05.000 Um, but yeah, I'm pulling up my phone to tell you what was in my car two nights ago.

00:46:11.000 It was a pack of luxury cigarettes

00:46:14.000 Made by Sherman's MCD.

00:46:17.000 Nat Sherman, it says on the box.

00:46:20.000 You open up this cigarette box, and inside, there is the following message. 0.87

00:46:24.000 And when I get my website going, I'll always have sort of visual representation, so when you hear the podcast, it'll be like Howard Stern, where he goes, go to howardstern.com, and you can see this prostitute's face. 0.80

00:46:34.000 I'll show all these pictures. 0.79

00:46:37.000 I think it's gonna be Get Off My Lawn.

00:46:38.000 Well, I won't say what it's called.

00:46:41.000 Stop using animals' skins. 0.94

00:46:43.000 Sick. 0.89

00:46:44.000 I'm saying sick because he had no apostrophe S on animals. 0.98

00:46:48.000 Animals suffer a cruel and painful end.

00:46:50.000 Dash.

00:46:51.000 Do not buy leather.

00:46:53.000 Comma.

00:46:53.000 Do not wear fur.

00:46:55.000 No end to sense.

00:46:55.000 So the grammar's all over the place.

00:46:57.000 And then much smaller font.

00:46:59.000 Please.

00:47:00.000 So, I'm not a leather guy.

00:47:02.000 I was a vegetarian for 15 years.

00:47:04.000 I'm not particularly vocal about leather or fur or vivisection or animal rights.

00:47:10.000 I don't discuss it.

00:47:10.000 It's not a subject that I feel passionate about anymore.

00:47:15.000 In fact, I'm very sympathetic to the vegetarian cause and I think they do suffer a cruel and painful end. 1.00

00:47:20.000 So, why the hell is this in my car?

00:47:23.000 Anyway, this chips away at your marriage.

00:47:26.000 These kind of things.

00:47:26.000 Because your job as a man is to protect the family.

00:47:29.000 If the kids are in danger, then you lose your appeal.

00:47:33.000 And I think married men don't understand that you're always on your first date.

00:47:38.000 Like, I don't fart around my wife. 1.00

00:47:40.000 Every time you fart around your wife, a blowjob loses its wings. 1.00

00:47:45.000 You have to... I use a different bathroom than my wife. 1.00

00:47:47.000 You know, I put on a nice shirt even if I'm not going out that day.

00:47:50.000 I'm always trying to seduce her.

00:47:53.000 You don't want to let her down.

00:47:54.000 And similarly, ladies, you know, we know you're not going to do the vacuuming in high heel shoes, but don't have your sweatpants on and picking your nose and stuff. 1.00

00:48:03.000 Keep the marriage alive.

00:48:05.000 Always be on your first date.

00:48:06.000 And I actually know, speaking of this whole protecting the family thing, I know of a guy who was so tired from partying all night.

00:48:13.000 He was driving the family.

00:48:14.000 He wasn't drunk, but he was exhausted.

00:48:15.000 He fell asleep while driving and rolled their car with the kids in the car.

00:48:20.000 His wife never got over that.

00:48:22.000 And they're divorced now.

00:48:23.000 I also know of a family where the kid was sick and so the dad thought, oh, I'll do that thing where you boil water and put a towel over the boiled water and she can inhale the condensation.

00:48:34.000 He screwed that up and gave her a steam burn on her arm when she was a baby. 0.90

00:48:38.000 And apparently, you know, a steam burn is the worst kind of burn you can have.

00:48:41.000 She had to go in intensive care.

00:48:42.000 She went into a state of shock.

00:48:44.000 That mom never got over that and they got divorced.

00:48:48.000 So I'm thinking here, whether it's justified or not, is she going to leave me?

00:48:53.000 So I have to show her that I'm not going to let her get hurt.

00:48:58.000 Now our home is Fort Knox.

00:49:00.000 I've got cameras everywhere.

00:49:02.000 Security.

00:49:02.000 I've got panic buttons.

00:49:04.000 Security alarm has panic buttons.

00:49:06.000 I've documented everyone who drives by.

00:49:09.000 I got everything.

00:49:09.000 I didn't have a camera in the driveway, so I didn't see the cigarette pack guy.

00:49:14.000 But I do now.

00:49:15.000 And so I slept in the car last night with all the windows open, with my weapons and my dog. 1.00

00:49:23.000 My stupid little Havanese dog that I don't hate because that's too much emotion. 1.00

00:49:29.000 I feel nothing for this dog. 1.00

00:49:32.000 If a truck ran over my dog,

00:49:34.000 I would feel bad because I think the kids are going to cry.

00:49:37.000 But for me personally, it would be like looking at a stuffed animal get it run over by a car.

00:49:43.000 I'm sorry if that offends you.

00:49:44.000 I'm just telling you facts.

00:49:46.000 I have had this dog for two years.

00:49:47.000 I don't like it or dislike it.

00:49:49.000 It's just an animal.

00:49:50.000 I feel nothing.

00:49:50.000 And I'm not one of these, like, I hate animals guys.

00:49:53.000 I love other dogs.

00:49:55.000 I wish I got a German Shepherd I could wrestle when I get home. 1.00

00:49:57.000 Get it, you little!

00:50:00.000 It does that fake bite it does on your hand.

00:50:03.000 Oh, you got me now?

00:50:03.000 You think you can take your old man?

00:50:06.000 This is just a little Paris Hilton dog.

00:50:08.000 It's a Havanese black and white perpetual puppy. 1.00

00:50:11.000 And he's a pussy. 0.99

00:50:13.000 I brought him in the car, and I need him there for, you know, because he can hear, you know, someone walking 10 feet away. 1.00

00:50:19.000 He's my little alarm.

00:50:21.000 And I notice he's shaking.

00:50:22.000 Now, it was about 65 degrees last night.

00:50:26.000 He's wearing a fur coat, okay?

00:50:27.000 You're not cold.

00:50:28.000 And I realize he's shaking with fear because he's outside.

00:50:32.000 We had all the windows down and the sunroof open because I wanted to hear everything.

00:50:35.000 And I wanted them, if there's another cigarette pack attack coming, I wanted them to see open windows where they could just toss it.

00:50:43.000 I know these threats are not a big deal, by the way.

00:50:46.000 I know that a cross-eyed guy taking off his glasses, uh, a, a, uh, what's the word, uh, an irreverent quip, a snarky quip on a bicycle, and a cigarette pack are not a big deal.

00:50:58.000 But when you culminate that with the talk on the train and the... I saw that same train guy at the tavern the other day, by the way, sort of whispering, and I think he was waiting for me outside, not to fight, but to bore me, worse than fighting, to bore me with his Hillary politics.

00:51:11.000 So when you put all these together with Antifa and everything, you go, you know, this is a threat.

00:51:19.000 So I have to be ready and I had to hug him all night to stop him from shaking with fear.

00:51:26.000 I go, dude, I just want your larynx, okay?

00:51:31.000 I don't need anything else.

00:51:32.000 I just want your barking voice box here so I can, so you'll wake me up if someone comes by.

00:51:37.000 And as I'm lying there last night, and it wasn't cold, by the way, because I have the technology on sleeping bags.

00:51:43.000 Coleman, I'm plugging you right now.

00:51:45.000 Your little self-inflating pads you have now are wonderful.

00:51:49.000 This sleeping bag, if I put it over my head, I'd be too hot.

00:51:54.000 Wonderful technology.

00:51:56.000 So I mean, you're warm as a bug, and you don't have to snuggle up or anything, movie dads.

00:52:02.000 And I thought, wait a minute.

00:52:05.000 What am I going to do?

00:52:08.000 Like, if you hear a noise in your house as a dad, and we don't get enough respect for this, you hear like... In the middle of the night, you go, well, someone got through the alarm somehow.

00:52:18.000 I have to go kill him. 1.00

00:52:20.000 And he's probably a junkie if he's this brave. 1.00

00:52:24.000 And getting caught means he's going to prison.

00:52:26.000 So he's going to want to fight hard. 0.98

00:52:28.000 So you're walking around the house with a baseball bat, totally nude, I sleep nude, ready to murder a man. 1.00

00:52:36.000 To brain some junkie with a baseball bat. 0.99

00:52:40.000 So your adrenaline's pumping.

00:52:42.000 Ladies, it's hard for us to get back to sleep after that. 1.00

00:52:45.000 We were ready for a ring match to the death. 0.82

00:52:48.000 Literally to the death.

00:52:51.000 Uh, that's scary.

00:52:54.000 And then you also think, what am I, Jet Li?

00:52:57.000 Like I'm gonna, psh, psh, psh, psh, psh, psh.

00:52:59.000 I'm not that good with a baseball bat.

00:53:01.000 I haven't trained baseball bat combat.

00:53:04.000 If I get him in the back of the head as he's rooting through our drawers, we're probably gonna be safe.

00:53:09.000 What if he grabs it and starts braining me?

00:53:11.000 Now I've got this jelly brain, my kids see the most horrific image imaginable, and he runs away with our jewelry. 0.55

00:53:18.000 Of which we have none, if you're listening, thieves.

00:53:20.000 I don't understand B&Es, break-and-enters in this day and age. 1.00

00:53:23.000 What are you stealing from the house?

00:53:25.000 There's nothing there.

00:53:28.000 So that makes more sense than what I'm talking about because I'm in a car.

00:53:34.000 I'm in a Jeep.

00:53:35.000 I'm in an SUV.

00:53:37.000 My dad actually did this, by the way, once.

00:53:39.000 There was these kids that were running through our backyard.

00:53:42.000 This is in my book.

00:53:43.000 And he hears them. 1.00

00:53:44.000 They're doing stupid suburban vandalism. 1.00

00:53:46.000 He's from the slums of Glasgow. 1.00

00:53:47.000 He's a brawler.

00:53:48.000 He looks like Karis 1.

00:53:49.000 His nose has been broken so many times.

00:53:51.000 And he jumps out the window, nude.

00:53:54.000 Catches one of them as they're all jumping over the fence, yanks him back down, and pulverizes the guy while my dad is nude. 0.93

00:54:01.000 So the guy's not only getting beaten up by an old bald man who looks like groundskeeper Willie, he's also seeing his pendulous organs, his genitalia, swing in the night breeze as he gets pounded.

00:54:11.000 How traumatizing is that? 0.91

00:54:13.000 My dad has a criminal record for it.

00:54:14.000 Assaulting a young boy, a 14-year-old.

00:54:18.000 I gotta be ready for that, but in the van, I'm thinking, what do I do with the cigarette guy?

00:54:22.000 What do I do with the baseball bat?

00:54:25.000 I sort of go, boom, and crack him in the nose like a pool cue.

00:54:28.000 Because I can't swing, obviously, there's no swing room.

00:54:31.000 So I just have to go, boop.

00:54:33.000 And then I'm lying there thinking, as my dog Leroy shivers, even if he was at Madame Tussauds, and they propped him up next to the open window of my car, I'm not even sure then I could do good damage.

00:54:46.000 You know, it's really, if you've ever been in a fight, landing a fist on a nose is a pipe dream.

00:54:52.000 Nine out of ten punches hit the top of his ear.

00:54:55.000 The people are moving around.

00:54:56.000 It's very, very difficult landing a good punch, or I assume a good pool cue baseball bat.

00:55:02.000 So then I think, well there's the knife, but what am I going to do?

00:55:05.000 Slit your juggler vein for throwing a cigarette message in my car?

00:55:10.000 And then we get to the gun.

00:55:13.000 Uh, it's the loudest thing on Earth, right?

00:55:16.000 So it would change- we'd have to move.

00:55:17.000 I'd be the guy who killed the guy. 0.95

00:55:20.000 POW! 0.99

00:55:21.000 Wake up the whole neighborhood.

00:55:22.000 And there's five!

00:55:25.000 So that the only time the gun makes sense is if I see, you know, anti-FUD types coming to the door and it's clear they're armed.

00:55:33.000 But even then I might fire a warning shot?

00:55:35.000 I don't know. 1.00

00:55:36.000 But now, as a Christian, I'm not that excited about killing stupid, brainwashed, communist, 22-year-old rich kids. 1.00

00:55:44.000 I don't want them to die. 1.00

00:55:45.000 I want them to leave me alone.

00:55:48.000 So I've got a litany of tools here in the car I don't want to use.

00:55:53.000 And I'm sitting there farting, which I don't think the dog dislikes.

00:55:58.000 And I'm listening to every single sound, every car that goes by.

00:56:01.000 I'm sitting up.

00:56:02.000 The neighbors come home.

00:56:03.000 That was the most action we had all night.

00:56:06.000 And then at one point,

00:56:11.000 So confusing.

00:56:13.000 There's water shooting all over my bushes.

00:56:15.000 And I think, these guys are very sinister.

00:56:18.000 They're like the Joker.

00:56:20.000 They've unscrewed my garden hose just enough that water sprays into my bushes and then disappeared into the night.

00:56:26.000 It's kind of a brilliant move.

00:56:28.000 It's a very sadistic sort of mind bad word.

00:56:33.000 And then I realized, no, we have automatic sprinklers.

00:56:34.000 I'm just, they happen at four in the morning.

00:56:36.000 I've never heard them before.

00:56:37.000 I guess I should have those closed.

00:56:40.000 And so I guess I go, I just wait till the sun comes up, I guess.

00:56:44.000 I mean, I've done it before.

00:56:45.000 I was in Costa Rica as a young man and I brought this girl home.

00:56:48.000 It's very, we were in Montezuma, Costa Rica.

00:56:50.000 I had a house there and it's a surf town.

00:56:53.000 So it takes, if you don't have a private jet to take you there, we would, we would get on these little Sansa flights that are like 300 bucks.

00:57:01.000 If you didn't do that, then it can be a day to get there, even though it's only 150 miles.

00:57:07.000 So it's mostly dudes, and occasionally a chick will make the pilgrimage out to Montezuma.

00:57:11.000 Montefuma Coca Rica, they used to call it, because there's so much drugs.

00:57:15.000 And I get her home, and we're stoned.

00:57:18.000 And, uh, we're gonna horse around.

00:57:21.000 And then she starts getting paranoid.

00:57:23.000 And she starts having a bad trip, and she thinks someone's gonna kill us.

00:57:27.000 And I'm like, come here, come here, just take your shirt off.

00:57:29.000 And she talks about it for so long, and she's pushing me away, that I stop hitting on her, and then I start getting scared myself.

00:57:37.000 And then she gives me a bad trip.

00:57:38.000 You know, bad trips are contagious. 0.76

00:57:40.000 So we're both sitting there, waiting to die, listening to every sound, because there are weirdo murderers in, uh, in Montezuma.

00:57:47.000 My friend Nadine, who passed away recently, she called it Camp Murderer, because someone will hit a kid drunk driving in Texas and just keep driving till they get to Costa Rica and live there.

00:57:57.000 It's where murderers go to hide, so it's a justified fear.

00:58:00.000 But anyway, I remember the sun finally came up at 5.30 in our little sort of half-hotel, half-tent thing.

00:58:08.000 And she goes, aren't you so happy?

00:58:11.000 Aren't you so happy we're alive?

00:58:13.000 And I go, no! 1.00

00:58:14.000 The fact that we're alive proves that you were wrong, that someone was trying to kill us, and we just stayed up all night living in petrified fear because you gave me a bad trip with your stupid bad trip. 0.99

00:58:26.000 That's how I felt this morning, when the sun came up. 0.98

00:58:30.000 And we were all okay, and I could go back in, but I noticed when I was going back in and putting the gun away, and everything, my wife was up to take the kids to school, and I could tell I was vindicated.

00:58:40.000 She was happy again.

00:58:42.000 I had sort of atoned for my sins, and I had re-established myself as the protector of the family, because I was willing to kill for this family. 0.96

00:58:51.000 I have no idea how that was gonna happen, but I was going to kill people who leave messages about vegetarianism in my car. 0.98

00:59:01.000 It- it's one of the- I remember when I was about 10, Barry Pablo wanted to kick my ass at Earl of March Secondary School in Canada, Ontario. 0.96

00:59:10.000 I've met- I found him on Facebook and told him this and he says I'm lying. 0.99

00:59:13.000 He had blocked it out, but he said he's gonna kick my ass. 0.99

00:59:16.000 I've always- people always wanted to kill me, by the way. 1.00

00:59:19.000 Probably because I'm incredibly charming and women like me. 0.99

00:59:23.000 So Barry was was he took martial arts and stuff and he's gonna kick my head off.

00:59:27.000 So the horrible thing about elementary school and you hear all these people bitching about bullying and I was harassed by the police and you don't know what it's like to be me and dude growing up in the 70s there was a fight every three days and

00:59:41.000 You know, you talk about cops harassing you?

00:59:44.000 Try being in a band that opens for the band Millions of Dead Cops.

00:59:47.000 Cops tortured us.

00:59:49.000 They messed with us everywhere we went, and that was the game.

00:59:52.000 We took it.

00:59:54.000 But anyway, uh, Barry Publo says he's gonna fight me tomorrow at 3.20.

01:00:00.000 So you're sitting there with, you know, it makes- I'm Scottish, I have a weak stomach.

01:00:04.000 It gives me gas knowing I'm gonna be in a fight in 24 hours.

01:00:08.000 So that night I go home and I-

01:00:09.000 I planned the fight.

01:00:11.000 That morning, I was punk at the time.

01:00:13.000 I had an army coat that had these weird little clips in it.

01:00:15.000 I don't even know what it was for.

01:00:17.000 Bullets or something?

01:00:17.000 It had these little loops sewn into the interior of the jacket.

01:00:22.000 So I put shish kebab sticks.

01:00:24.000 You know the kind where you're gonna make a shish kebab hot vegetables?

01:00:29.000 I don't understand why anyone does that.

01:00:30.000 Why are you cooking vegetables?

01:00:32.000 But my mom had about 20 of those, so I put those in my coat.

01:00:36.000 Having no clue what was going to happen with those.

01:00:40.000 I was going to what?

01:00:41.000 Pull them out of my jacket like Wolverine?

01:00:44.000 Now what?

01:00:45.000 Sink them into his neck and kebab Barry Pablo? 0.97

01:00:50.000 What happened was he did a roundhouse kick, I believe it's called. 0.52

01:00:54.000 And he gave him, he did it with such adrenaline-fueled velocity that he turned himself into a fidget spinner.

01:01:04.000 And he almost took off like a helicopter into the sky.

01:01:08.000 He did a roundhouse kick that picked up his other foot, turned him into a starfish, and just sent him spiraling to the ground where he knocked the wind out of himself.

01:01:17.000 And everyone cheered and high-fived me, and I won. 1.00

01:01:21.000 But that fight, that kebab, was just as stupid as... 1.00

01:01:27.000 Last night with the car, but it was my duty as a dad to be ready to protect my home. 1.00

01:01:33.000 And the irony of all this is it's based on a myth.

01:01:37.000 It's based on a myth that Trump supporters are Nazis.

01:01:40.000 It's based on a myth that these left-wingers are freedom fighters.

01:01:43.000 It's all fashion and it's ironic because this is what I discovered when I was a teenager with the punks fighting the Nazi skinheads.

01:01:50.000 I realized it was just rich white kids fighting poor white kids.

01:01:54.000 Now, in my suburb, we have rich white people fighting rich white people. 0.82

01:01:59.000 And, you know, I'm recognized everywhere I go, but I'm never recognized in black neighborhoods.

01:02:04.000 I'm never recognized in Hispanic neighborhoods. 0.73

01:02:06.000 And I'm not just talking about old black guys.

01:02:09.000 We're good to go.

01:02:25.000 Posh, and it's a very British phenomenon. 0.97

01:02:27.000 It's various posh upper-middle class people looking down on other people for not being sophisticated enough when it comes to the issue of the day.

01:02:34.000 And the issue of the day is race, and everyone is petrified of being remotely associated with anything racial.

01:02:42.000 Which would be fine if I was that way.

01:02:44.000 You know, if I was... Richard Spencer would love to debate you.

01:02:47.000 He goes on ESPN all the time and defends his views.

01:02:51.000 He's available.

01:02:52.000 Why don't you focus on the actual bad guys?

01:02:54.000 And I got plenty of bad stuff to discuss.

01:02:58.000 I'd love to discuss it with you.

01:03:02.000 Anyway, this podcast, oh yeah, I meant to mention this too before we get into what this podcast is.

01:03:09.000 And as you may have guessed, this podcast is about meandering topics and things that I can't get to on the show because the show is very boom, boom, boom.

01:03:17.000 You know, we had the Tennessee Church Shooter.

01:03:19.000 We had Fleckus Talks.

01:03:20.000 He's got to come in and show his stuff.

01:03:22.000 That's episode one.

01:03:23.000 Episode two, we have Pranav Jandelaya, who was attacked, knocked unconscious by anti-fuff just for being a conservative on campus.

01:03:30.000 And again, you want to talk about how horrible it is to be minority or in a bad part of town?

01:03:35.000 Conservatives on campus get spat on on a regular basis.

01:03:38.000 There's an ism for you.

01:03:41.000 I broke down on the show last week, I broke down all the different types of Antifa.

01:03:45.000 I think you can be broken into four, arguably five groups.

01:03:48.000 There's the academics who tell these kids what to do.

01:03:51.000 There's the lawyers and the mayors and the politicians who corral them. 0.93

01:03:55.000 Now the lawyers, I find them to be lesbian lawyers. 1.00

01:03:58.000 These lawyers and these mayors could be separated as a group.

01:04:03.000 These lawyers are also academics too, like Yvette Flark is a teacher.

01:04:06.000 So the top brass are all sort of intertangled.

01:04:11.000 They're all academics in a way, they're all politicians in a way.

01:04:14.000 And then there's the foot soldiers, and they're broken into these... 0.94

01:04:18.000 These crazy women, these childless women who have had a baby taken away from them by feminism and replace it with just vitriol and violence and erratic behavior. 1.00

01:04:28.000 They're like robots who got wet and they're just going, kill him, punch Nazi! 1.00

01:04:34.000 When they should be holding a child and enjoying their life. 0.99

01:04:37.000 And then there's the Lost Boys, similar to feminism, you know, these guys could be dads, they could be working all night, but instead they're smashing people with bike locks and stabbing people and going to jail.

01:04:47.000 Just had some guy, and I feel sympathy for this guy, unlike most conservatives, just went to jail for five years, prison, for throwing a flare gun in a cop car.

01:04:56.000 Now he thought he was attacking someone who hunts blacks for sport.

01:05:00.000 He wasn't. 0.78

01:05:00.000 He was attacking someone who was there to protect him. 0.78

01:05:05.000 But because of that,

01:05:06.000 That misunderstanding, or that lie, that propaganda that we got from the academics, he thinks he's doing a good job.

01:05:15.000 How are we doing for time?

01:05:17.000 Because I want to talk about my trip to Britain.

01:05:19.000 How are we doing, Dave?

01:05:19.000 We've got another 25 minutes.

01:05:21.000 Okay, so I went on vacation to England.

01:05:25.000 I like to visit this punk band I liked as a kid called Crass, and they have a sort of an anarchist co-op farm called Dial House in Essex.

01:05:35.000 Let me go there with the kids.

01:05:36.000 It's a really cute idea.

01:05:38.000 There's a local farmer boy named Tom, and he put up a poster on a tree.

01:05:43.000 Maybe Sophie was a little kid then, so maybe 7 to 10 years ago.

01:05:50.000 And it said, Welcome to Tom's Fantastic Arts Club!

01:05:54.000 It's gonna be great!

01:05:55.000 And he put up these posters on trees in the forest in this farm.

01:05:59.000 Now, their anarchist co-op thing is near our nature preserve.

01:06:03.000 So there's no one for miles and miles and miles.

01:06:05.000 It's illegal for there to be anyone for miles and miles and miles.

01:06:07.000 So there's no way anyone's going to come to this.

01:06:09.000 So G. Voche, who was sort of the artist behind Crash, she did all their... She sort of is responsible for the Antifa look.

01:06:17.000 The sort of stenciling letters and everything, that's her.

01:06:20.000 In fact, if you look at Antifa, you'll see a lot of her work and Crass's symbols on them.

01:06:24.000 And we talk about this.

01:06:25.000 I think they know they created a monster.

01:06:28.000 And they were having trouble with these guys even back when they were around, because they said everyone deserves a right to speak, even Nazis!

01:06:34.000 Which people don't seem to understand that free speech includes hate speech.

01:06:39.000 So she goes, I'm going to make Tom's Fantastic Arts Club eponymous.

01:06:44.000 It's going to be fantastic.

01:06:47.000 So she invites people from all over and his first arts club was packed.

01:06:50.000 We flew over.

01:06:51.000 There was people there from Tokyo.

01:06:52.000 There's people there from all over the world.

01:06:54.000 There was about 50 kids there.

01:06:56.000 And he goes, oh my God.

01:06:57.000 And it's funny because he's not really into art.

01:07:00.000 And I've seen him grow.

01:07:01.000 Now he's, he goes to farm college and he repairs tractors and he's a fascinating guy to talk to.

01:07:07.000 But he's a man.

01:07:07.000 He's 22 now.

01:07:08.000 This was back when he was 12.

01:07:11.000 Anyway, we keep going every year to Tom's Fantastic Arts Club.

01:07:14.000 Tom stopped going long ago.

01:07:16.000 He has to work.

01:07:17.000 And, uh,

01:07:19.000 And then I hang out, I talk to Penny Rimbow, who arguably started the anarcho-punk movement, and, uh, you know, we disagree about many things.

01:07:26.000 I tell him my agenda, which is give everyone a gun, abolish prison.

01:07:30.000 He says, You realize, Gavin, if that happens, the next day there would be a race war.

01:07:36.000 He sees racism as this bubbling cauldron just waiting to overflow, and I totally disagree.

01:07:42.000 That is the myth.

01:07:45.000 Get out in America.

01:07:46.000 I was at that bar when my kid was at practice last night. 0.97

01:07:48.000 There's an old white guy talking to an old black guy.

01:07:50.000 You know what they have in common?

01:07:51.000 They're both in the Navy.

01:07:53.000 They have a lot more in common with each other than the white guy does with me.

01:07:57.000 They were both very happy.

01:07:58.000 You know, you go to the South.

01:08:00.000 Everyone's getting along.

01:08:02.000 Go to Charlottesville.

01:08:03.000 Yeah, you heard me.

01:08:04.000 Charlottesville. 0.99

01:08:05.000 Blacks and whites hanging out over it.

01:08:08.000 They say in the North they like blacks in theory but not in practice, and in the South they like blacks in practice but not in theory.

01:08:15.000 I think the dislike in both of those examples is very small.

01:08:20.000 Anyway.

01:08:22.000 Uh, we go there and we talk and we hang out and, uh, I went to London for a little while, too, just to check out, which I don't recommend with three kids. 0.99

01:08:30.000 It was a pain in the ass. 0.99

01:08:33.000 We rented an Airbnb that was clearly never lived in and just had no heart. 0.99

01:08:36.000 It was kind of depressing, but I had a plan.

01:08:39.000 And I thought, I see London as Londonistan, I think it was taken over by Islam. 1.00

01:08:44.000 I'm gonna take a picture of Big Ben and everything, and make sure there's a burqa woman in every shot, because it'll be easy to do. 1.00

01:08:50.000 Now here's the lesson I think conservatives need to learn, and we criticize the left for this all the time, but we have to be aware of this too.

01:08:59.000 Don't start with your conclusion,

01:09:01.000 And fill in the data back from there.

01:09:02.000 NPR just did a thing on the Proud Boys and Dante Nero and this young lesbian girl, Zoe Chase.

01:09:08.000 She did, I could tell that she wrote her ending, which is, I started this group to co-opt, I don't know, the alt-right and make it non-racist so I could make money or market it or, I don't know.

01:09:21.000 I have a big agenda that she usurped all the fun from and made into this thing. 1.00

01:09:25.000 So I believe in her, this American life she just did.

01:09:28.000 She started with her conclusion and worked backwards from there.

01:09:31.000 A good journalist, a smart thinker, and an intellectual just plows forward.

01:09:36.000 You know, don't do the Michael Moore thing where you go, guns are Columbine, here's why.

01:09:40.000 Go, I'm gonna investigate Columbine, I wonder where this will take me.

01:09:43.000 And yes, two visits ago to London, I did think I went to Harrods and I saw nothing but Muslims.

01:09:49.000 My kids were asking me what a burqa is, why are all these women in garbage bags? 1.00

01:09:53.000 They didn't use that verbiage.

01:09:55.000 And so, I went out there thinking, I'm gonna get all these pictures.

01:09:58.000 I didn't see that at all.

01:09:59.000 In fact, I saw the opposite.

01:10:02.000 I saw Britain that is still Britain.

01:10:03.000 And I told Tommy Robinson this.

01:10:05.000 I met him at a pub after he was interrogated by cops, by the way, for daring to leave his house.

01:10:09.000 And he said, oh, you're on the West End, that's where they all, no, the East End, that's where they all went.

01:10:13.000 I go, I don't know, Tom.

01:10:15.000 I mean, before when I've talked to you, I've talked to you like you're a dying cancer patient, stage four, and I keep telling you you're going to live, but I secretly know you're going to die because England is doomed and demographically the number one name for babies is Mohammed, so you're done. 0.69

01:10:30.000 I don't feel that way anymore.

01:10:31.000 I still see Britain.

01:10:32.000 I saw Harrington's.

01:10:33.000 You know what a Harrington is?

01:10:34.000 It's that coat that has tartan on the inside, sort of golf jacket.

01:10:37.000 Steve McQueen made it popular in the 60s, so it's actually Brits sort of admonishing, no, worshipping yanks, or as they call them, septic tanks, or as they call them, septics.

01:10:48.000 I saw Harrington's, I saw Dr. Martin's, I saw pubs, I saw Geezer smoking, I saw, I went to the place Mick Jagger was born, I forget the name of the town, but, I went to Govan, I went to, I went to, um, I went to, uh, uh, what's it called?

01:11:04.000 Croydon.

01:11:05.000 And I saw Britain.

01:11:06.000 I saw pubs.

01:11:08.000 And so, I couldn't take pictures of Big Ben with Burka's, in fact I saw more Muslims in New York! 0.68

01:11:13.000 That hypothesis was gone.

01:11:14.000 And when I say that to Conservatives, they get mad at me because I'm not following the narrative.

01:11:18.000 So we are just as guilty, often, of this blind worship of the narrative.

01:11:23.000 In fact, I wrote an article about it recently.

01:11:25.000 I wrote an article saying,

01:11:26.000 I think movies, kids' movies, are anti-capitalist.

01:11:29.000 And so I, I just grabbed what was popular on Fandango, and I watched every single one, and I wrote an article going, actually, I'm wrong.

01:11:36.000 Plenty of articles make, uh, capitalism cool.

01:11:39.000 And guns cool.

01:11:41.000 So, uh, we are seeing the left-wing kids' movies, and having selective memory, and ignoring the pro-America, pro-gun, pro-capitalism ones. 0.97

01:11:51.000 And I got so much pushback from conservatives going, oh, you sold out, you liar.

01:11:56.000 I also noticed this recently, I did an article on Tacky Mag about commercials. 0.92

01:12:00.000 And I said, all commercials are cuck commercials now. 0.57

01:12:02.000 Everyone has to be in a mixed marriage, which is separate from being a cuck, obviously. 1.00

01:12:06.000 But it's this sort of PC, diversity mongering, and white men are evil. 0.98

01:12:10.000 And then I just watched America's Got Talent, and I documented every single commercial on that top-rated show. 0.97

01:12:17.000 So I thought, that's a good litmus test.

01:12:19.000 And I saw plenty of capitalists, plenty of cool white guys, plenty of, of, of empowered dads, and I realized my hypothesis was wrong.

01:12:28.000 We have to be good journalists.

01:12:30.000 You know, the whole, the whole impetus for a lot of journalists today, and I talked to Jill Abramson at New York Times about this, is based on Robert Redford and, uh, Dustin Hoffman in that Watergate movie.

01:12:41.000 I forget what it's called.

01:12:43.000 That archetype is done.

01:12:45.000 And if you have any merit, if you have any character as a man, you need to just do that.

01:12:51.000 Pursue the truth.

01:12:52.000 Anyway, All the President's Men, that's what it's called.

01:12:57.000 So in London, I abandoned that narrative, and I was very happy to see London is back.

01:13:00.000 Or maybe I was wrong.

01:13:01.000 Maybe it never left.

01:13:03.000 I saw Britain's Britain.

01:13:04.000 Now, of course, the TV is government-run.

01:13:06.000 The BBC is owned by the government, so every time I watched TV, it was... They had a thing on Margaret Atwood and Handmaid's Tale.

01:13:13.000 Totally ignored the fact that she was inspired by the crimes against women she saw in Islam, in Iran, and the horrible tortures that women went through.

01:13:21.000 That inspired a Handmaid's Tale.

01:13:23.000 No, no, no.

01:13:24.000 It's about Trump.

01:13:25.000 Everything I saw

01:13:27.000 On British TV ended with footage of swastikas, Nazi skinheads, and Trump.

01:13:31.000 I'm not exaggerating.

01:13:32.000 God, pedantic is what it is.

01:13:35.000 But when I was there, I was recognized everywhere.

01:13:40.000 And, uh, what are you doing in this posh neighborhood?

01:13:42.000 What are you doing in Chelsea?

01:13:44.000 And it was only in the city, of course.

01:13:46.000 I wasn't recognized in the country.

01:13:48.000 And it was, I don't agree with everything you say, mate, but I do agree with your right to say it.

01:13:53.000 Hi, I was an atheist, too, and then I met you, and I discovered God.

01:13:56.000 My parents are atheists also, as well, so it's interesting.

01:13:59.000 And I don't agree with everything you say, but they always said that.

01:14:02.000 We'd shake hands, and I'd talk to them on the street.

01:14:05.000 I just bought a secret bottle of Makers back when I was hiding it from my wife.

01:14:08.000 And I said, do you want a swig?

01:14:09.000 And we had a nice swig.

01:14:10.000 Actually, Makers is cheaper there than it is in my suburb.

01:14:17.000 So that was cool, and a wide range of guys, too.

01:14:19.000 All guys, but an East Indian guy, a rich guy, that sort of punky-looking guy on Kings Road. 1.00

01:14:26.000 And then at the airport, there's this couple, rich kids.

01:14:31.000 Again, the rich are my problem.

01:14:33.000 The Arthur Sulzberger Juniors. 0.94

01:14:35.000 And in the lineup, they go, that guy's a Nazi. 0.97

01:14:38.000 That guy's a Nazi! 0.97

01:14:39.000 They yell that from the lineup. 0.98

01:14:42.000 And I'm dealing with some stuff.

01:14:43.000 My daughter's passport has expired and she has a British passport, but...

01:14:47.000 We were going with the America. 0.97

01:14:48.000 I can't remember the details.

01:14:49.000 My kids have three passports.

01:14:51.000 So I've got this huge pile of passports and we're going through it.

01:14:53.000 And I'm dressed, by the way, kind of like traditional British.

01:14:56.000 I got Doc Martens shoes.

01:14:57.000 I got a Ben Sherman shirt.

01:14:58.000 So I fit their sort of National Front 1980s archetype, which has never died.

01:15:04.000 Speaking of the South Africa thing in Britain, Brits still talk about the National Front.

01:15:08.000 The National Front's been dead for a quarter century, but that's still a big danger.

01:15:12.000 The National Front, oh no!

01:15:15.000 So she says that to me, and I'm with my kids again.

01:15:19.000 What are you doing?

01:15:20.000 So I get, I leave the gate.

01:15:23.000 No, I don't leave the gate.

01:15:23.000 I leave the attendant there in my bag.

01:15:25.000 She's still going through the paperwork and calling this person, calling that person.

01:15:28.000 I've got time.

01:15:29.000 And I walk over to the lineup.

01:15:30.000 I go, what's the issue here?

01:15:30.000 What's your problem?

01:15:32.000 And this black woman, she had a black woman behind her and a black woman in front of her. 1.00

01:15:35.000 They both 0.79

01:15:36.000 Instantly take her word. 0.55

01:15:38.000 Yes, this is a Nazi. 0.57

01:15:39.000 So they're consoling her and patting her on the back.

01:15:41.000 And she goes, just go.

01:15:43.000 Just go away, please.

01:15:44.000 Just go.

01:15:45.000 And I go, just tell me what your issue is.

01:15:48.000 You say I'm a Nazi in front of my kids?

01:15:50.000 That's a big allegation.

01:15:51.000 What's it based on?

01:15:52.000 What are you getting at?

01:15:53.000 I take a picture of her.

01:15:55.000 Because they're taking pictures of me, did I mention that?

01:15:58.000 And these people, it's all fashion to them.

01:16:02.000 They don't really believe that.

01:16:04.000 In fact, when I did my talk at NYU, I got up and I said, in a slightly Southern accent, I said, this is after I've been pepper sprayed, I said, we got three problems in this country.

01:16:14.000 The Negro, the Jew, and the woman. 0.98

01:16:18.000 And then I go, just kidding, just kidding.

01:16:20.000 But when I did the first part, my whole talk was, by the way, about this, that guy that they think they're fighting and how he doesn't even really exist.

01:16:27.000 He's certainly not me, but I don't think he's ever going to be at NYU.

01:16:31.000 He might be in the country in Alabama somewhere.

01:16:34.000 And you see this in documentaries.

01:16:37.000 They find these guys and they're in the woods somewhere.

01:16:39.000 But anyway.

01:16:40.000 When I did that guy, which only lasted 10 seconds, jaws dropped everywhere, right and left.

01:16:46.000 They were stunned, including the protesters.

01:16:48.000 They didn't go, see?

01:16:49.000 Told ya!

01:16:50.000 Told ya this guy's evil!

01:16:52.000 They were gobsmacked.

01:16:56.000 And I think they were gobsmacked because they don't really believe that this guy exists.

01:16:59.000 So, when I went up to this woman at the airport, and I said, what are you talking about?

01:17:04.000 What's your issue here? 0.94

01:17:05.000 It was, like, if it was a pedophile, like at that Jamaican place, I'd go, I'm talking about you showing up at a family place where there's just kids talking about sex and making everyone uncomfortable. 1.00

01:17:17.000 You're coming across as a pedophile. 0.99

01:17:19.000 Let's discuss it. 1.00

01:17:20.000 I think you're a pedophile. 1.00

01:17:21.000 That's what you do, right? 0.99

01:17:22.000 If you have the courage of your convictions.

01:17:24.000 These people don't.

01:17:24.000 It's just fashion.

01:17:25.000 It's just name-calling. 0.85

01:17:27.000 So, the black woman's patting her on the back, and then she says, You're making a woman cry! 1.00

01:17:33.000 And she starts crying. 0.59

01:17:37.000 Again, using the woman card, right? 0.99

01:17:39.000 And meanwhile, her boyfriend, if I'm a Nazi and I'm making your girlfriend cry, shouldn't you, like, slap me or something? 0.99

01:17:44.000 He stands there, eyes like golf balls, just staring at me. 0.98

01:17:47.000 He can't believe I've confronted him.

01:17:52.000 And I go, why'd you take my picture?

01:17:53.000 He goes, I didn't.

01:17:54.000 I didn't.

01:17:55.000 I didn't.

01:17:57.000 And then we cross paths again, as she's going to go to her because she was in the lineup, right?

01:18:04.000 And as she's walking by, I touch her arm as gently as you could imagine.

01:18:08.000 If I touched a moth with this kind of vehemence, the moth would be perfectly fine.

01:18:13.000 Like I can't show you because this is a podcast, but

01:18:17.000 Like the slightest touch, and I go, are you okay?

01:18:19.000 You alright?

01:18:19.000 You wanna talk to my kids?

01:18:21.000 My kids, especially my youngest, they don't look white, so it's just pointing at them is making a point. 0.99

01:18:26.000 You wanna talk to my wife and my kids about this? 0.99

01:18:28.000 You wanna talk to the Indians about your Nazi allegation? 0.89

01:18:31.000 And she goes, don't touch me!

01:18:32.000 And then she goes, security! 0.96

01:18:34.000 And she calls security.

01:18:36.000 Because I touched her arm.

01:18:39.000 That's the kind of insanity I am dealing with being a Trump supporter who is funny, sorry to call myself funny, but who's funny and normal and basically has the same politics as your dad.

01:18:56.000 You know, everyone talks about Proud Boys political affiliations, and no one talks about the Knights of Columbus political affiliations.

01:19:05.000 Now, I'm a member of the Knights of Columbus, I'm a third degree, and you go there, I'm not allowed to talk about the meetings, but a normal thing is, hey, Merry Christmas!

01:19:14.000 Are we still allowed to say that?

01:19:16.000 And there's a liberal at our particular chapter in Hell's Kitchen.

01:19:21.000 You know, he doesn't get beat up.

01:19:22.000 We watch the Rangers game, we eat hot dogs, we do our ceremonial stuff.

01:19:26.000 And there's visible minorities there, of course.

01:19:29.000 Plenty, actually. 0.95

01:19:30.000 It's New York City, dummies.

01:19:33.000 But the politics are just sort of a given.

01:19:35.000 You know, we stand for the flag.

01:19:36.000 We pledge our allegiance.

01:19:37.000 We pray.

01:19:39.000 We're not excited about Islam. 1.00

01:19:42.000 We think immigration is a mess and open borders don't work. 1.00

01:19:46.000 We don't really care if you're gay. 1.00

01:19:48.000 No one wants to throw you off a building. 0.94

01:19:51.000 We just don't want to hear about it every 10 seconds.

01:19:53.000 And gay marriage?

01:19:55.000 Eh.

01:19:56.000 I mean, I've talked about this before.

01:19:57.000 I was pro-it when you told me it was just two people in love.

01:20:00.000 Now I'm changing my mind, because I'm thinking, no, you just wanted to sabotage Christianity.

01:20:04.000 You had a hidden agenda there.

01:20:05.000 I don't trust you anymore.

01:20:09.000 Feminism, we think, has morphed into just antagonism.

01:20:14.000 And you sure deserve the right to vote.

01:20:16.000 You sure deserve the right not to be in the kitchen if that's what's good for you.

01:20:20.000 But, in 2017, third wave, or whatever wave we're on now, is it fourth yet? 0.90

01:20:25.000 Seems to be about making women childless, and making them into men, and making them miserable. 0.99

01:20:30.000 So we tend not to like that. 0.78

01:20:31.000 Normal politics that you have.

01:20:34.000 You see, I don't believe that there's right and wrong.

01:20:36.000 My wife was saying that the other night.

01:20:37.000 We had a big fight about it because I said John McCain's not a hero, and she's Indian, and all Indians were in Vietnam, so they see McCain as a hero, and I'm somehow desecrating her entire tribe. 1.00

01:20:48.000 And I said, uh, I later proved he's not a hero, by the way, and all the stuff you hear about him is fake news, but anyway.

01:20:55.000 She says, well, we disagree.

01:20:56.000 You know, let's just agree to disagree.

01:20:58.000 And I go, no, honey.

01:20:59.000 There's no such thing as disagreeing.

01:21:03.000 You can disagree about music, okay?

01:21:06.000 Although sometimes I'm tempted to argue that.

01:21:10.000 But Jim Goad is right.

01:21:11.000 It's impossible to win an argument about music.

01:21:13.000 It's like food.

01:21:13.000 It's a taste.

01:21:14.000 But as far as other things, real things, consequential things like politics and abortion and immigration and climate change and all that stuff, there's no opinion.

01:21:25.000 There's just facts.

01:21:27.000 And you accrue data like a stack of pancakes and one has more than the other in all arguments.

01:21:35.000 So the guy with more pancakes has to explain to the guy with less pancakes why he's wrong and they should come aboard.

01:21:42.000 And I've done this by the way.

01:21:44.000 I had a liberal comedian friend.

01:21:46.000 It took me a year and a half, but I eventually convinced him that immigration is a mess and it's wrong and the way it works in America is not working. 0.99

01:21:54.000 I had to play dirty pool to do that and tell him.

01:21:56.000 The thing that got him over to my side was to say, immigration only benefits rich whites in both countries.

01:22:02.000 Rich whites like Vincente Fox in Mexico, and rich whites like everyone, every politician, Al Franken and his nannies here in America.

01:22:11.000 That's how I finally got on board.

01:22:12.000 It's a lot of work.

01:22:13.000 Sometimes I think it's not worth it, but I honestly don't believe that there are opinions.

01:22:17.000 I don't believe that there is... I only believe in facts.

01:22:21.000 I only believe in data.

01:22:23.000 And if you want to not waste your time with these people, just ask them some basic skill testing questions.

01:22:28.000 And I... Fleckis and I talked about this on the first episode of GOML.

01:22:32.000 Not the intro episodes, but the actual CRTV paywall one.

01:22:37.000 How many illegals are there?

01:22:38.000 And the kid said, even if there's a million, they deserve to be here.

01:22:42.000 Uh, there's between 15 and 30 million, and Ann Coulter makes a great argument for 30 million.

01:22:48.000 So, there's 30 times your hypothetical scenario, my friend.

01:22:56.000 And I-I-I think that's proof, when they don't know the numbers, that they don't really care, and that's why I hate them.

01:23:01.000 That's why I hate liberals, that's why I hate the left, because they're wasting my time.

01:23:04.000 They're pretending. 0.76

01:23:06.000 I know nothing about football. 1.00

01:23:07.000 I don't sit there and tell you why the Dallas Cowboys suck and why you're a fool to go for the Seattle Seahawks. 1.00

01:23:14.000 It's none of my beeswax. 0.99

01:23:15.000 I don't know anything about those teams. 0.93

01:23:17.000 Yet you talk to me about my teams like I'm an ignoramus.

01:23:21.000 And it's based on a few platitudes you read on a Facebook meme.

01:23:25.000 That wastes my time.

01:23:27.000 When you sit here and you talk to me about immigration and you've never looked it up, you're wasting my time.

01:23:32.000 And I'm a dad.

01:23:33.000 I got three kids.

01:23:34.000 My time is incredibly valuable.

01:23:37.000 It's sort of like when you go to a bar and you're talking to a drunk person about Bitcoin and he's explained to you cryptocurrency like you care.

01:23:45.000 And actually, if you're the person that's doing that, I did care, dude.

01:23:48.000 I did.

01:23:49.000 I'm sorry.

01:23:49.000 It's just a hypothetical example.

01:23:51.000 But when you're talking to some drunk who's slurring, not the Bitcoin guy, sorry, and you think, why aren't I at home talking to my wife? 0.96

01:23:58.000 You know, I heard Jerry Seinfeld on Howard Stern the other day and he goes, men who aren't married are mongrels. 0.95

01:24:05.000 It's true.

01:24:06.000 Your time is so sacrosanct after you get married.

01:24:10.000 And if you're lying to me about politics, you're wasting my time.

01:24:14.000 I'm trying to get smarter because I want to impart information to my kids.

01:24:18.000 I want it to be true.

01:24:19.000 I want my legacy to be information.

01:24:22.000 I want my legacy to be a grasp of the world.

01:24:25.000 I want my legacy to be memes.

01:24:28.000 No, I'm not talking about a funny Snuggles the Bear next to a picture of an Ewok that says, listens to Crass once. 0.90

01:24:35.000 I'm talking about the original dictionary definition of memes, which is conveying information, storytelling.

01:24:42.000 Character is a form of a meme.

01:24:44.000 You're conveying information and that's what separates humans from animals.

01:24:49.000 Animals get attacked by a saber-toothed tiger.

01:24:51.000 A monkey gets attacked by a saber-toothed tiger.

01:24:53.000 He goes, and no monkey ever knows that saber-toothed tigers are a problem.

01:24:57.000 It takes thousands of years of evolution to know.

01:25:00.000 I need to be wary of basically everything.

01:25:01.000 I'm going to hang out in a tree.

01:25:03.000 Humans...

01:25:04.000 Have storytelling, and they tell true facts.

01:25:07.000 Hey, other caveman, you know those weird giant cats with the huge fangs?

01:25:12.000 Those are called saber-tooth tigers.

01:25:14.000 They killed my wife, and they're really bad news.

01:25:17.000 Stay away from them. 1.00

01:25:17.000 If you see one, stab it. 1.00

01:25:19.000 Let's make a trap for them. 1.00

01:25:21.000 They're really, really bad.

01:25:22.000 Next thing you know, that guy who's never even seen a saber-toothed tiger shares that experience.

01:25:27.000 And that's why humans have developed bigger brains and been able to dominate the entire animal kingdom, because we can use other people's information.

01:25:37.000 That's what I think art is.

01:25:39.000 An artist, like Ryan McGinley, is a great photographer who goes out and parties when I met him.

01:25:44.000 He's more artistic now.

01:25:45.000 But he would do just party stuff.

01:25:46.000 And you could look at his pictures and go, now I'm partying in New York.

01:25:50.000 Even though I've never been to New York, you've imparted that experience to me.

01:25:53.000 Now my life is more full.

01:25:55.000 I have a bigger life.

01:25:57.000 When you read about Hemingway's adventures, or I'm reading a book now called Hero of the Empire about Churchill, and I'm reading about him escape as a POW in the Great Boer War.

01:26:05.000 I'm in the Great Boer War.

01:26:06.000 I have that, I've subsumed that experience now.

01:26:08.000 I'm better off for it, and I didn't have to die in South Africa before World War... I think it was one? 0.51

01:26:16.000 Was it a hundred years ago?

01:26:19.000 When you lie, you're basically that dude who wrote that book A Million Little Pieces.

01:26:24.000 You're giving us false information, you're giving us a false life experience, you're wasting our time.

01:26:30.000 And that is a violation.

01:26:32.000 You're in my body. 0.98

01:26:33.000 It's a mental rape when you lie to me and virtue signal and posture and pretend to be something you're not. 1.00

01:26:40.000 If you have a problem with someone, don't leave a cigarette pack in their car so they have to wait there the next night with a gun ready to blow your head off. 0.98

01:26:48.000 Discuss it with them. 0.88

01:26:49.000 If you think someone's a pedophile, tell them they're a pedophile and get them to leave. 0.92

01:26:54.000 If you think something's a threat, if you think someone's a Nazi, go up to them and go, I heard you're a Nazi, is that true? 0.85

01:27:00.000 Don't leave passive-aggressive messages because you're posturing, and that's fashion.

01:27:05.000 Fashion is fun.

01:27:06.000 If it's a pirate shirt, if you're going for the Vivian Westwood, Adam and the Ants look, or the Seinfeld pirate shirt, that's fun and silly.

01:27:14.000 But when you start applying it to people's lives, when you start applying it to policy, and the way people feel in their community, and children's lives, and someone's wife's social life, or someone's mother's social life, then you're being a fascist.

01:27:28.000 And that's not what America is about.

01:27:30.000 America is about the exact opposite of that.

01:27:34.000 America is about freedom, it's about nature, and nature is about God.

01:27:39.000 And the Constitution comes from the big guy upstairs.

01:27:42.000 And the Constitution says, let's stop telling each other what to do and be as free as possible.

01:27:47.000 If someone wants to mess with you, get armed, handle it yourself.

01:27:52.000 If someone doesn't, then they're on our team.

01:27:55.000 As we always say on this show,

01:27:57.000 It's people who want to be left alone and people who won't leave them the hell alone.

01:28:02.000 And to all you people in that latter group, GET.

01:28:05.000 OFF. 0.86

01:28:06.000 MY.

01:28:07.000 LAWN.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - December 06, 2017

Get Off My Lawn Podcast #1 | I Slept In The Car Last Night

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