Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - January 31, 2019


Get Off My Lawn Podcast #110 | Yes Coppercab I accept your challenge

Topics
Copper Cab challenge Christian Piccellini
Hosted by
Gavin McInnes
Mentioned
Jussie Copper Cab Paul Town Ryan Juicy J. No Johnny Gavin Chicken Head Project Pat Blair Cottrell Margaret Cho Jon Stewart Jonathan Trevor Jamie Gaga Herb Christopher Pontellini Cini Picciolini Michael Couture Richard Spencer and 29 more
Get Off My Lawn Podcast #109 | This is MAGA Country Get Off My Lawn Podcast #111 | Go to DefendGavin.com

Episode Stats


Length

50 minutes

Words per minute

178.46

Word count

9,021

Sentence count

1,012

Harmful content

Misogyny

24

sentences flagged

Toxicity

141

sentences flagged

Hate speech

33

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

This week, we have a guest on the show, Copper Cab. He's a comedian, actor, podcaster, and all-around douchebag. He also happens to be a pretty good friend of mine, and I invited him to fight me in a boxing match in the middle of the night at a local gym. He accepted, so we decided to play a little game of "Who's Going To Win?" and see who's going to come out on top. Spoiler alert: it's not going to be me. We also talk about the upcoming Conor McGregor vs. Conor McGregor fight, and how we're going to make tickets to it at a gym in New York City. And we talk about why we think it's a good idea to have a fight in a real life boxing match, and why it should be at a real gym. Also, we discuss why we don't want to fight in real life, and what we'd like to see Conor McGregor do to his opponent. And we discuss how much money we'd be willing to pay for the fight. We'll be building a place to hold the fight, so if you want to buy tickets to Conor's fight, we'll make it an exclusive on the site, you better hurry up and make it happen! Thanks for listening and tweet us your thoughts! Timestamps: 5:00 - Copper Cab vs. Gavin Cottrell 8:30 - Who's Coming Out On Top? 9:20 - Conor McGregor VS. Gav and Gav 11: What do you think? 16:15 - Is it a good fight? 17: Should we fight in the ring? 18:00- What's the worst thing Conor McGregor should do? 19:30- What are you scared of? 21:00 22:10 - What can I do with Conor McGregor? 26:30 27:40 - What's your worst enemy? 29:00 Can I fight Conor McGregor or Gav & Gav s chances? 32:00 Is Gav's best chance of winning? 33:00 Do you like it? 35: Can I have a shot at the fight at the gym? 36:00 What would you be scared of Conor McGregor's place? 37:00 Does Gav have a chance to win? 39:00 Should I go to the fight? 40:00 Gav vs Gav?

Transcript

Transcripts from "Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 Yes, Copper Cab, I accept your challenge.
00:00:03.000 Copper Cab is, uh, you probably know him as the, um, Gingers Have Souls guy.
00:00:08.000 I think South Park said Gingers Don't Have Souls. 1.00
00:00:11.000 That was a whole episode and he's a redhead. 1.00
00:00:14.000 And he made a viral video that became very popular where he lost his temper.
00:00:19.000 And he claimed it.
00:00:20.000 No, South Park, you're wrong.
00:00:23.000 Gingers actually do have souls. 1.00
00:00:25.000 So take it back.
00:00:28.000 And it went viral.
00:00:30.000 He's remained viral ever since.
00:00:32.000 He keeps coming up with new stuff.
00:00:34.000 I think his dad died.
00:00:35.000 He lives with his Meemaw down south.
00:00:39.000 He was a woman for a while. 0.98
00:00:41.000 Claire Cottrell.
00:00:42.000 His real name's Michael Cottrell.
00:00:44.000 He was a woman for a little while.
00:00:45.000 I don't know if he still is.
00:00:46.000 He doesn't look very feminine to me.
00:00:48.000 But I like my sort of cup of joe in the morning is I go to Reddit and I check public freakout.
00:00:55.000 And then I go over to Reddit Cringe when it just hurts to watch.
00:01:01.000 And so I'm scrolling through Reddit Cringe, which I'll often recognize something about myself on there.
00:01:09.000 Someone talking about me.
00:01:10.000 And this time this Copper Cab was challenging me to a fight, a duel, a fist fight, a boxing match.
00:01:19.000 So let's play a little bit of that.
00:01:24.000 Gavin, Gavin, Gavin.
00:01:27.000 Gavin!
00:01:29.000 Sounds like a dragon.
00:01:30.000 You think that you can get banned from Twitter, okay? 1.00
00:01:33.000 The moment I start getting fucking ripped and putting in fucking weight at the gym, earning, burning, getting laid and getting paid, baby. 0.99
00:01:44.000 He's getting laid at the gym? 1.00
00:01:45.000 You think you're gonna just fucking run away? 1.00
00:01:47.000 Huh? 1.00
00:01:48.000 Tuck your tail between your legs and scare you off like a little dirt ronin? 1.00
00:01:52.000 Huh? 0.94
00:01:53.000 You think you can run from me?! 1.00
00:01:59.000 I earned this fight!
00:02:00.000 Can you just pause it for a sec?
00:02:01.000 So, for those of you who can't see, he's in a gym right now.
00:02:04.000 He's wearing a tank top.
00:02:05.000 He does look pretty ripped, and he's not a small guy.
00:02:07.000 I think he's over six feet.
00:02:08.000 And he's half my age.
00:02:10.000 So it's not going to be a very good fight for me.
00:02:14.000 But as far as Claire Cottrell goes, he's completely bald with a big red beard.
00:02:17.000 I mean, that is a hell of a bull dyke we got going on here. 1.00
00:02:20.000 And my last question before we restarted is, are other people in the gym?
00:02:24.000 What are they thinking when they hear this?
00:02:26.000 I don't believe so.
00:02:28.000 I thought I saw someone mulling around.
00:02:29.000 That was a mirror.
00:02:31.000 Okay.
00:02:32.000 That was him in the, yeah.
00:02:33.000 Somebody rent a gym?
00:02:34.000 I don't know.
00:02:35.000 I mean, a lot of these gyms are 24 hours, so he could just be in there.
00:02:38.000 All right.
00:02:38.000 He's there at four in the morning.
00:02:40.000 Hmm.
00:02:42.000 I'll fight with you, Gavin!
00:02:44.000 A proper fight!
00:02:45.000 I've been growing my beard!
00:02:47.000 I've been shaving my dome!
00:02:49.000 I've been getting dome!
00:02:53.000 I want it, Gavin.
00:02:55.000 Licking his lips. 0.51
00:02:56.000 I want it! 0.79
00:02:59.000 I deserve it! 0.98
00:03:00.000 I want to fight you! 0.98
00:03:02.000 Okay? 0.85
00:03:05.000 In the ring!
00:03:06.000 New York!
00:03:07.000 I'll come to you, Gavin!
00:03:12.000 It's not good that he's out of breath and he's just speaking loudly.
00:03:15.000 So I think that's the only thing I'd say that... Otherwise, are you kind of scared?
00:03:20.000 No.
00:03:20.000 He looks pretty big.
00:03:22.000 So?
00:03:22.000 What's the worst that can happen?
00:03:23.000 He knocks me out.
00:03:24.000 I mean, it's not a knife fight.
00:03:26.000 Yeah, that's true.
00:03:27.000 It's a boxing match with gloves on and a ring.
00:03:30.000 Ding ding!
00:03:31.000 The worst case scenario is you get a KO.
00:03:33.000 He seems unhinged, though.
00:03:34.000 What if he does have foreign objects?
00:03:36.000 I'm doing this because he's been on our show, and here's my plan.
00:03:40.000 When we relaunch this new show, oops, I just gave it away, we're building it now.
00:03:45.000 It's going to take a few months to build the site.
00:03:47.000 So I want to make the fight exclusive on the site.
00:03:51.000 We can't sell tickets to it here, because it'll get mobbed and death-threaded and antifa'd to death.
00:03:56.000 But we'll do it at a gym, we'll shoot it, and then it'll be like you come on, you subscribe to my new show, and you get to see the fight.
00:04:06.000 And I've talked to, well, I'm telling him now that I've talked to Jim's and I have a place set up and I'm telling Copper Cab publicly, yes, I accept your offer, but I don't want people to think that this is a thing now.
00:04:18.000 I'm not Conor McGregor.
00:04:19.000 I'm a 48 year old man.
00:04:22.000 So you don't just get to fight me whenever you want.
00:04:24.000 Yeah, this has been building up between you and him for a while.
00:04:27.000 This is personal.
00:04:29.000 I think there was a turning point with us when I said, where's your father?
00:04:32.000 You look like you have no father.
00:04:34.000 And then he said, my father died when I was a young man.
00:04:37.000 I said, what did he die of?
00:04:38.000 Shame?
00:04:39.000 Oh my God.
00:04:42.000 We've been at odds ever since that particular quote.
00:04:45.000 I thought it was a pretty good one though.
00:04:46.000 That's good.
00:04:49.000 But yeah, there's this guy, Christopher Pontellini Cini Picciolini, and he's this Nazi skinhead who managed to not be a Nazi skinhead.
00:05:00.000 And now he goes around the country preaching the dangers of hate.
00:05:06.000 And he's got a show on CNN, I believe, now.
00:05:09.000 I've known him for a long time.
00:05:10.000 He used to be the manager of a non-racist kind of a oi, skinhead-y band called Flatfoot 56 that used to do my theme song.
00:05:18.000 Ah!
00:05:19.000 Courage.
00:05:20.000 Great band.
00:05:22.000 Although they stopped letting me use their music after Proud Boys became too popular.
00:05:25.000 Yeah, that was a bummer.
00:05:26.000 But he used to manage them.
00:05:29.000 And...
00:05:31.000 He stopped and then he sent me this book and it was the transcript of his book and it was just this massive binder.
00:05:38.000 I don't know the guy and I'm supposed to read that?
00:05:40.000 So he goes, can you have a look at this and give me some notes?
00:05:42.000 And I go, no, dude, I'm not.
00:05:44.000 Who am I?
00:05:45.000 I don't even know you.
00:05:47.000 Like, what a huge favor to ask.
00:05:50.000 Well, you got him there.
00:05:50.000 What's his name?
00:05:52.000 It is Christian Picciolini.
00:06:01.000 So he's been pushing this and nagging me and then it was after that I didn't read his book and he wanted to fight me and let's give the proceeds to charity and he kept talking about it.
00:06:09.000 I'm like, dude, you don't just get to fight people that you don't like.
00:06:12.000 Like, do you think I get to call up Jon Stewart and say, in the ring, Stewart, next week, and then Chris Hayes week after that?
00:06:20.000 You don't get to just go through these people that annoy you and get to punch them, especially if they're not pro fighters and that's not what they're about.
00:06:27.000 I mean, a debate, facts-wise, is reasonable.
00:06:31.000 You know, facts-wise, a vocal debate, what am I trying to say? 0.98
00:06:35.000 As opposed to what kind of debate, a penis debate? 0.97
00:06:37.000 That's like human history, why am I- A smelling debate? 0.98
00:06:41.000 We can have a word debate, as Steve Harvey said of the Jussie thing.
00:06:44.000 Oh, boy.
00:06:46.000 I've been hearing other people's words. 1.00
00:06:49.000 As opposed to tasting them, you retard? 1.00
00:06:50.000 What do you mean? 1.00
00:06:52.000 Hearing, you mean English?
00:06:53.000 You mean what people are saying?
00:06:54.000 I've been hearing people's words.
00:06:56.000 I've been hearing their words and I got your back, Jussie.
00:06:59.000 He kept calling him Jesse.
00:07:00.000 Yeah.
00:07:01.000 It's Jussie, dude.
00:07:03.000 He's your brother and you have his back, learn his name.
00:07:05.000 It's Jussie.
00:07:07.000 But anyway, that Christian dude, he even contacted me recently and he goes, all the hate man, doesn't it just start eating you up inside?
00:07:15.000 What are you talking about? 0.66
00:07:18.000 And the irony, there's a few guys like this who are ex-Nazi skinheads who go around preaching love and stuff, and I'm sorry guys, you were Nazi skinheads.
00:07:28.000 You don't get to preach to us.
00:07:30.000 The dangers of hate and how we need to be better people.
00:07:34.000 That's like a guy getting busted for shoplifting and then doing a speaking tour about, you know, you got to understand that companies, they spend a lot of money and when you rob, when you steal even gum from CVS, that hits their bottom line.
00:07:48.000 They have to start raising prices.
00:07:50.000 So you're robbing from all of us.
00:07:52.000 Yeah, I know.
00:07:54.000 That's why I don't steal. 0.99
00:07:56.000 Why do you get the right to come and preach to us, you big fat Italian Nazi? 1.00
00:08:02.000 Like, I'm not saying... Okay, you did your penance. 1.00
00:08:07.000 And you're sorry that you're a Nazi?
00:08:08.000 Fine.
00:08:09.000 Like the guy who was arrested for shoplifting, he doesn't shoplift anymore?
00:08:12.000 Cool.
00:08:12.000 Great.
00:08:13.000 All right.
00:08:13.000 You're fine.
00:08:13.000 Come on back into society, dude.
00:08:16.000 You paid your debts.
00:08:17.000 But you don't get to preach to the rest of us about something you did.
00:08:22.000 So you're the shoplifter and you're preaching to me about shoplifting.
00:08:25.000 I never shoplifted. 0.95
00:08:27.000 You were the Nazi. 0.64
00:08:28.000 You're going around the world. 0.95
00:08:30.000 And of course, these guys, they never deal with Islamic hate. 0.85
00:08:33.000 They're totally focused on Richard Spencer and Charlottesville and Nazis, Nazis, Nazis.
00:08:38.000 They're not in Dearborn, Michigan.
00:08:39.000 They're not in Luton.
00:08:40.000 They never talk about the West Side Highway.
00:08:44.000 Hamtramck, Michigan.
00:08:45.000 It's another huge population of Muslims.
00:08:48.000 Yeah, isn't that weird?
00:08:49.000 They don't talk about that jihadist camp where the kid was starved to death.
00:08:54.000 I can't believe people forgot about that.
00:08:55.000 I think this guy's got away with misdemeanors.
00:08:58.000 Oh yeah, that's right.
00:08:59.000 The judge let them go. 0.52
00:09:01.000 He's devoted to stopping Nazi skinheads. 1.00
00:09:04.000 When was the last time you saw a fucking skinhead? 1.00
00:09:08.000 Like a Nazi skinhead. 1.00
00:09:09.000 I'd like to ask him, how many people killed people that you know when you were there? 0.81
00:09:12.000 Did you know people that had killed folks?
00:09:14.000 He'd be like, no, but we hated people behind their backs.
00:09:18.000 It sounds awful, trust me, but... Let's devote our lives stamping it out.
00:09:18.000 Oh, okay.
00:09:23.000 And in this era, when everyone is talking about...
00:09:26.000 Hate has no home here.
00:09:28.000 Of course, he looks reasonable.
00:09:29.000 He's like, yeah, you know that hate that's everywhere?
00:09:32.000 I'm working to stamp it out.
00:09:34.000 Anyway, so yeah, I'm going to fight Copper Cab.
00:09:40.000 He'll probably win, but I'll definitely get some great shots in.
00:09:44.000 You know the secret to boxing when you're an old man?
00:09:48.000 Don't have elaborate combinations like a left, right, uppercut, uppercut, left.
00:09:53.000 You're not going to get four or five punches in, my friend.
00:09:56.000 You'd be lucky to get a one, two.
00:09:58.000 Very lucky to get two in. 0.99
00:09:59.000 So just focus on him being open and focus on punching him in the face. 1.00
00:10:03.000 That's it. 0.99
00:10:04.000 That's all you're going to get.
00:10:06.000 Don't have any big elaborate plans and be in shape.
00:10:11.000 Going one round is torture.
00:10:13.000 Going four rounds?
00:10:18.000 Oh yeah, so what else did I want to talk about?
00:10:19.000 This is kind of going to be a hodgepodge ep, because we're done talking about Copper Cab, right?
00:10:24.000 Yeah, I'd say you covered it.
00:10:25.000 I mean, it's going to be a heated battle.
00:10:27.000 All right, Jussie, so back to yesterday's episode.
00:10:30.000 I've had a lot of people emailing me, and we were very confused by the letter.
00:10:35.000 It's weird to be that premeditated, right?
00:10:38.000 And to say, I'm going to do it.
00:10:40.000 Then this is looking like a hoax.
00:10:42.000 Although his roommate came out and said, no roommate, sorry.
00:10:45.000 Someone else in his building came out and said, I saw a mysterious character in the building.
00:10:51.000 But that, when you look, pull up that story. 1.00
00:10:54.000 Pull that shit up. 1.00
00:10:55.000 Pull that up, Jamie. 1.00
00:10:57.000 Pull that shit up, Jamie. 1.00
00:10:59.000 She says he had wool socks and floods on and camel colored shoes and a rope. 1.00
00:11:07.000 That could have been used for a noose.
00:11:09.000 Sticking out of the bottom of his sweatshirt.
00:11:13.000 It just, it's... No, don't go on Breitbart, go on the TMZ one.
00:11:17.000 Okay.
00:11:19.000 It just looks... What?
00:11:21.000 First of all, you describe this guy who sounds like he's dressed like a Rastafarian or something, and the rope, the murder weapon, just happened to be hanging out of the bottom of his sweatshirt?
00:11:31.000 Wait, did earlier, did it not say camo?
00:11:35.000 It said camel.
00:11:36.000 Oh, it's camel? 1.00
00:11:38.000 What the fuck is camel colored shoes? 0.99
00:11:40.000 It's very specific. 0.99
00:11:42.000 Yeah, that is odd.
00:11:45.000 Okay, listen to his outfit.
00:11:46.000 You're going way too slow for me.
00:11:48.000 You want me to read it?
00:11:48.000 Oh, I got it.
00:11:50.000 Well, read his outfit.
00:11:51.000 Yeah, okay.
00:11:52.000 The woman who asked not to give her name tells TMZ she walked out the door around 12-12.30 a.m.
00:11:56.000 to let her dogs out. 0.65
00:11:57.000 She saw the guy and he looked as such.
00:11:59.000 He was smoking a cigarette.
00:12:00.000 He looked out of place.
00:12:01.000 He was a white man with scruff on his face wearing a blue winter beanie, a blue zip-up sweatshirt with a hood, and blue jeans that were too short exposing thick gray hunting socks with camo color.
00:12:12.000 What are hunting socks?
00:12:13.000 You mean wool socks?
00:12:14.000 Yeah, I don't know.
00:12:16.000 This is the most confusing outfit ever.
00:12:17.000 With camel colored dress shoes.
00:12:19.000 That is the most detailed description of a perp I've ever heard, but it gets weirder.
00:12:27.000 So she said she woke up at 4 a.m.
00:12:29.000 to go to the gym. 1.00
00:12:30.000 What are you a fucking Olympian? 1.00
00:12:33.000 And noticed a lot of security. 1.00
00:12:34.000 She says the concierge told her that Jussie was just attacked.
00:12:38.000 And implored her to call a detective.
00:12:40.000 He gave her two phone numbers.
00:12:42.000 And then the TMZ says she made contact that afternoon and downloaded a detective.
00:12:49.000 I guess we're living in Blade Runner now and the detectives are holograms.
00:12:53.000 They're downloadable.
00:12:59.000 That is weird.
00:13:03.000 Yes, thank you.
00:13:04.000 Thank you for appearing in my living room, detective.
00:13:08.000 So they must have spelled something wrong there, like contacted I guess was the word it was supposed to be.
00:13:11.000 Downloaded.
00:13:12.000 But she made contact that afternoon.
00:13:15.000 That's 12 hours later. 0.99
00:13:19.000 No one is going through this with their bullshit detector. 0.99
00:13:24.000 So this is my belief now, and it's just a theory. 0.98
00:13:28.000 So don't freak out.
00:13:29.000 But I think that neighbor's lying.
00:13:31.000 I think Jussie cried to her and said, Barbara, I'm in over my head here. 0.95
00:13:35.000 These people don't believe me.
00:13:37.000 And it happened.
00:13:37.000 I promise you, it happened.
00:13:40.000 And she goes, I'll handle it.
00:13:41.000 You can just tell him.
00:13:42.000 And she goes, I'll say I saw someone.
00:13:45.000 Look, I don't want to get involved in that, but just say that.
00:13:48.000 I don't know.
00:13:48.000 Just tell them the truth.
00:13:50.000 Tell them it's true.
00:13:51.000 And she goes, don't worry, Jussie.
00:13:52.000 And she's probably so thrilled to have a cool black gay friend in such a fancy building there because they're in a really ritzy part of Chicago. 0.67
00:14:01.000 So those kind of people, they don't want a black friend really bad to give them some depth.
00:14:05.000 So she was probably like, yeah, my friend's in Empire. 0.97
00:14:08.000 He's the black gay guy. 1.00
00:14:09.000 Holy shit. 1.00
00:14:10.000 That's a cool friend to have. 1.00
00:14:12.000 That's better than like a blind friend. 0.99
00:14:15.000 Or a friend, like an old black guy who plays the blues.
00:14:19.000 That's a cool friend to have.
00:14:19.000 Like Stevie Wonder, blind, black, plays the blues.
00:14:22.000 Yeah, that's a cool friend to have.
00:14:23.000 Or he plays funk.
00:14:24.000 I think he plays funk.
00:14:25.000 But still very cool.
00:14:27.000 He also plays on Louis Farrakhan's new hit box set.
00:14:29.000 That's right.
00:14:31.000 Along with Gaga? 0.99
00:14:32.000 Snoop Dogg!
00:14:33.000 No.
00:14:33.000 Is Gaga on it?
00:14:34.000 No.
00:14:35.000 Some other female impressive person, let me see. 1.00
00:14:39.000 Anyway, so here's my new theory.
00:14:41.000 And I've been talking, it's amazing how many females listen to this show. 1.00
00:14:45.000 I got all these women emailing me, sending me nudes, no, emailing me theories about, oh, I know why, because it's gossip.
00:14:52.000 We're talking about TMZ here.
00:14:55.000 But I think the letter's real now. 1.00
00:14:59.000 The letters real he's a famous guy right famous gay guy Some black dude probably caught himself rubbing one out thinking about him And he punched a hole in his wall because he was so mad at himself, and then he sent Jussie He's probably like 14 13 14 and then he sent Jussie that letter saying dive dick fag gay dick 0.99
00:15:23.000 Well, it was something like that. 0.99
00:15:24.000 It was really caveman-ish.
00:15:25.000 Yeah, yeah, it was. 1.00
00:15:26.000 It was like, you die, black fag! 1.00
00:15:29.000 You die, black fag! 1.00
00:15:32.000 So he probably sent him that, right? 1.00
00:15:35.000 Now, Jussie either was intoxicated by the attention that brought him, or he wanted to... Now, I think there is no or.
00:15:47.000 Because if he wanted more protection, he wouldn't have refused the bodyguard that Fox offered him.
00:15:53.000 So I think he just, everyone freaked the fuck out when he got that letter.
00:15:56.000 And then he went, hey, yeah, I kind of like being this victim guy. 0.89
00:16:01.000 And then he staged this whole thing where he came home and he said just to the guy at his house, I was just beaten up by MAGA guys.
00:16:11.000 And he was just thought, maybe I'll get a BJ out of it or whatever and then the guy will buy me a nice watch and then we can get on with our day.
00:16:17.000 And then the guy freaked out and called the cops. 0.99
00:16:20.000 And then that's, it's been shit hitting fans ever since. 0.97
00:16:24.000 But I'm sorry to keep dwelling on it, but it's pretty interesting the way it gets reported. 0.98
00:16:28.000 Because you can see like, there was that woman yesterday who said, it's been verified that they said MAGA, this is MAGA country.
00:16:34.000 And then you read the verification and it's Jussie.
00:16:37.000 That's the verification.
00:16:38.000 Is that he said it.
00:16:39.000 Is that he said it.
00:16:41.000 Or they say they finally have two persons of interest in the case.
00:16:44.000 No.
00:16:44.000 Out of all the footage, hundreds of hours, they only saw two people.
00:16:50.000 And that's walking on the outside of that secluded parking garage thing.
00:16:53.000 On the wrong side of the street.
00:16:55.000 Oh, really?
00:16:55.000 Yeah, and they appear to have them the whole time.
00:16:58.000 So, that's the persons of interest?
00:17:00.000 Nah.
00:17:01.000 I don't see no shorts either.
00:17:02.000 I don't see shorts, uh... Oh yeah, where's the weird camel-colored shoes?
00:17:07.000 Yeah!
00:17:08.000 I mean, that's... not them.
00:17:11.000 Ugh.
00:17:12.000 Alright.
00:17:12.000 And he didn't... why didn't he give his cell phone to the police?
00:17:15.000 I mean, what's up with that?
00:17:15.000 Well, what could be... if you play devil's advocate?
00:17:17.000 He...
00:17:18.000 Okay, well first we'll do devil.
00:17:20.000 Okay.
00:17:21.000 No, no, first we'll do regular Jesus Christ.
00:17:23.000 Not devil, yeah.
00:17:25.000 Angels.
00:17:25.000 First we'll do the angel thing.
00:17:27.000 He didn't want, he told them to turn off their body cams too, so he was lying and liars don't want footage, they don't want to incriminate themselves.
00:17:32.000 So turn off the body cams, you can't have my phone.
00:17:35.000 Now the devil's advocate would be,
00:17:37.000 This is the cops, you know, you never know.
00:17:39.000 He doesn't trust them.
00:17:40.000 Yeah.
00:17:41.000 Maybe they're like, say he's innocent and he really was attacked.
00:17:44.000 I don't want them going through my phone, finding something about me. 1.00
00:17:46.000 Like I bought Coke once and the next thing you know, I got a whole other pile of shit. 0.89
00:17:51.000 I mean, I wouldn't give cops, I love cops, but I wouldn't give them any information without a warrant. 0.97
00:17:56.000 Yeah.
00:17:57.000 Okay, I want to get through some other stuff on this episode that's very important to me.
00:18:03.000 And I hope you'll bear with me.
00:18:08.000 First of all, I want to know why people who come to work... I wrote this down in my notes.
00:18:14.000 Why do you put your lunch in the fridge?
00:18:18.000 You're getting there at 9 a.m.
00:18:20.000 You're going to eat your lunch in three hours, probably, at noon.
00:18:24.000 What, it's going to go bad?
00:18:26.000 I know this is very Seinfeldian.
00:18:28.000 Well there's a tuna, there's the tuna argument.
00:18:30.000 What's gonna happen to the tuna in three hours?
00:18:31.000 It's gonna get a little grody.
00:18:33.000 No it's not!
00:18:35.000 What's gonna happen to it?
00:18:36.000 I don't know.
00:18:38.000 As opposed to the fridge, like, what percentage worse is the tuna?
00:18:43.000 That's true.
00:18:44.000 And you know what, I think, personally I'm on your side because I think refrigerated bread is very gross.
00:18:49.000 Yeah.
00:18:50.000 You know?
00:18:51.000 And everything else is in there too, like your apple and stuff.
00:18:55.000 Okay, maybe your drink, I understand, but I don't think you bring a drink to work.
00:18:59.000 I think you have stuff in the fridge already.
00:19:02.000 So it's basically your sandwich.
00:19:04.000 Putting a sandwich in a fridge, or even say it's like leftover curry.
00:19:08.000 Right, okay.
00:19:09.000 Why does that have to be cold?
00:19:10.000 I'd rather it not be cold, actually.
00:19:12.000 Just let it sit there.
00:19:12.000 It's only three hours.
00:19:14.000 It could sit there for fucking twelve hours. 0.98
00:19:17.000 Yeah, but where else could you put it? 0.99
00:19:19.000 Maybe is it that that's the only place for food?
00:19:22.000 That could be the case for some areas of office, you know, restrooms, break rooms. 0.99
00:19:27.000 No, just put it on your desk or near your desk.
00:19:29.000 You got a pile of junk there anyway.
00:19:31.000 Or put it on a counter or something.
00:19:34.000 That's a good point.
00:19:37.000 Oh, here's another thing I wanted to talk about.
00:19:39.000 My youngest son is six now and his babysitter is an attractive young lady and
00:19:45.000 I think he thinks it's his girlfriend.
00:19:49.000 And when I, you know how you know that, is if you bring it up and... He just hits you?
00:19:54.000 He gets super pissed!
00:19:56.000 Like he would trash the studio. 0.89
00:19:59.000 He would all be dead.
00:20:00.000 And all you have to do is go, so Johnny, looks like your girlfriend's come!
00:20:07.000 Yeah.
00:20:14.000 I'm the Police Academy guy.
00:20:17.000 Michael Winslow, yeah.
00:20:18.000 Oh, I know his name.
00:20:20.000 And so that cracks me up because he must wonder why I pay her money at the end of the, when it's time to go.
00:20:26.000 Why are you paying my girlfriend money? 1.00
00:20:29.000 Did she do consultancy work for you on the side?
00:20:31.000 Because she's not working while she's here. 0.71
00:20:34.000 We're on a date.
00:20:35.000 We're drawing together.
00:20:36.000 That's how we roll.
00:20:38.000 They already had a domestic disturbance.
00:20:41.000 He must know that, you know, they're not going to get married and they're not going to Niagara Falls together on a road trip.
00:20:50.000 Maybe somewhere in his brain, so it's just kind of like a, it's almost like a dummy relationship, like a, I don't know how to explain it. 0.95
00:21:00.000 For example, young girls are really into, first they're into like pussies, boy band guys, because they're not quite ready for a dude, they're only a little girl. 0.99
00:21:09.000 So they start with like a girl that's just not a girl, but it's a girl. 0.94
00:21:12.000 Like that K-pop band.
00:21:14.000 All of the K-pop people. 0.98
00:21:15.000 All K-pop people are just girls that are almost boys. 1.00
00:21:18.000 I could bang an entire K-pop band of guys and I'd feel the straightest ever. 0.98
00:21:22.000 I would never have sex with a man, not even in prison, but if a K-pop dude was there... 0.99
00:21:28.000 Yeah, but jizz on me and everything. 1.00
00:21:28.000 That's not gay. 1.00
00:21:30.000 Yeah, it's just it's a tranny. 1.00
00:21:31.000 It's a chick with a dick. 1.00
00:21:34.000 Look at his gorgeous blonde hair. 1.00
00:21:36.000 What are you crazy? 1.00
00:21:37.000 He's just a chick with no tits and a huge clit. 1.00
00:21:40.000 They're not huge. 1.00
00:21:45.000 And then they go, okay, I'm, I'm like 15, 16 now, then they go horses.
00:21:52.000 Cause I know I like muscles and I know I like, like a strong thing, but I don't want to be around a wrestler.
00:21:59.000 So then they're really into horses for a while.
00:22:01.000 Yeah, it's all training wheels for an actual normal adult sexual relationship.
00:22:01.000 They look kind.
00:22:06.000 But with the horses, it's like it's muscles and it's mane and he's like, I'm a strong thing.
00:22:10.000 And then you, you, you, well, you don't, I don't want to get into riding and stuff.
00:22:13.000 That's gross.
00:22:14.000 You don't have to do that.
00:22:16.000 And so it's like a placebo, right?
00:22:18.000 It's like a fake relationship.
00:22:20.000 But I realized we do this too, as grown men.
00:22:24.000 Like at the liquor store in Manhattan by the studio,
00:22:27.000 I go in there and I pick up a bottle, so we always have a bottle in the studio, which we don't now because you raided our cachet.
00:22:35.000 My bad.
00:22:38.000 And I caught myself being a Johnny about this chick.
00:22:43.000 Like she's there sometimes, she's there about 30% of the time I go in and it's usually pretty empty, the store.
00:22:49.000 People tend not to buy booze when I buy booze, like at 10 a.m.
00:22:53.000 And she'll be there alone and we'll riff.
00:22:56.000 And you know, we used to live on the same street on Ludlow Street in the Lower East Side.
00:23:00.000 Oh really?
00:23:01.000 Huh.
00:23:01.000 Yeah.
00:23:02.000 And so we'll make jokes about that and max fish and stuff and laughing.
00:23:06.000 And I think she's dating the owner.
00:23:08.000 So I caught myself,
00:23:11.000 This is a King of Queens episode, by the way.
00:23:13.000 There's a waitress who's really flirtatious and kind to him, and he sort of fake falls in love with her, and then he sees her with other guys doing it, and he's totally crushed.
00:23:20.000 Interesting.
00:23:21.000 So I notice when he's around, and he's a very decent, awesome guy, like he helps me buy wine if I'm having a dinner or something, I'll catch myself being kind of pissed.
00:23:30.000 Wow.
00:23:31.000 Like, oh, you're here.
00:23:32.000 Yeah.
00:23:33.000 Or even if another girl is around,
00:23:36.000 It's like she's taking up my girlfriend's time.
00:23:38.000 Now I'm obviously never gonna have sex with her or anything like that. 1.00
00:23:42.000 But it's a strange... I thought we had something real.
00:23:45.000 That's what it is.
00:23:47.000 I think it's like when vegetarians will still have veggie burgers or vegetarian hot dogs.
00:23:53.000 Like you're still simulating it because it's still in your DNA. 0.99
00:23:57.000 That's as retarded as me having like a meat celery. 0.99
00:24:02.000 Like a celery stick made of meat. 0.99
00:24:05.000 Yeah, well you got one word right in your terrible analogy.
00:24:09.000 What, meat?
00:24:11.000 Yeah, that's brutal.
00:24:14.000 We got to recalibrate our relationship here on the show.
00:24:16.000 Don't come up with analogies.
00:24:18.000 Don't philosophize.
00:24:19.000 Be funny and do funny imitations.
00:24:21.000 Dude, it's like I have a carrot made out of like burgers, you know? 1.00
00:24:25.000 Yeah, see the beauty of that is now it's Bill Burr that's the idiot. 1.00
00:24:28.000 Sure. 1.00
00:24:29.000 You don't have to worry about the fact that it's impossible that a carrot could be made of meat.
00:24:33.000 That's true.
00:24:35.000 All right, another thing I wanted to get into here on the HodgePodge Show, the Brick-A-Brack episode, is I've been thinking a lot about your comedy, your stand-up comedy.
00:24:45.000 Who?
00:24:46.000 You.
00:24:46.000 Oh, no.
00:24:48.000 No-do-do-do-do.
00:24:48.000 Yeah.
00:24:49.000 Please don't do this.
00:24:51.000 It's done.
00:24:51.000 No!
00:24:52.000 But it reminded me of all the embarrassing moments of my life.
00:24:55.000 Just in one video?
00:24:56.000 Yeah.
00:24:59.000 What do we mean one video?
00:25:01.000 All your embarrassing moments in life in one show.
00:25:03.000 No, no, no.
00:25:04.000 I've been going through them all.
00:25:05.000 Because you tend to block them out.
00:25:08.000 And I want to go through them together.
00:25:09.000 Not just your Imperial Guitar stand-up.
00:25:12.000 Don't say that.
00:25:13.000 If you look up on YouTube, Imperial Guitar Ryan Katsu Rivera stand-up, you can see it.
00:25:18.000 Not for long.
00:25:19.000 I'm going to contact them.
00:25:19.000 Yeah, right.
00:25:20.000 I swear to you.
00:25:21.000 It'll take them two days to take it down.
00:25:25.000 But I was remembering... I don't want to live anymore, knowing people would see that.
00:25:29.000 Okay, here, I'm gonna tell you some of mine to make you feel better, though.
00:25:31.000 Please.
00:25:32.000 I used to really be into Project Pat.
00:25:34.000 I used to love Memphis rap.
00:25:37.000 I don't know why.
00:25:38.000 It's really dirty.
00:25:39.000 Like, who's that guy with the baby arm?
00:25:43.000 I don't know.
00:25:45.000 Baby arm.
00:25:47.000 They're all on the same label.
00:25:49.000 I haven't listened to it in like 20 years, because as soon as your kids are born, you can't listen to punk, metal,
00:25:58.000 Not even really hard rock, and then gangster rap, anything with the N-word in it is out.
00:26:03.000 So the next thing you know, you don't like music anymore.
00:26:07.000 Oh, the guy with the little arm, he's a Crip, I think. 1.00
00:26:10.000 Crip Paul.
00:26:10.000 Oh, really?
00:26:12.000 So it's Paul Dwayne, DJ Paul, and what's... Three Six Mafia, that's it.
00:26:19.000 Oh, they got a little arm guy?
00:26:20.000 Yeah, Three Six Mafia has DJ Paul, and then this other guy has like a baby arm.
00:26:24.000 I never realized that.
00:26:24.000 What?
00:26:26.000 Yeah, well he hides it in a... and a lot of guys do this when they have baby arm.
00:26:29.000 You know that thing when you sprain your wrist?
00:26:31.000 Yeah.
00:26:31.000 And you put like a wrist guard on it?
00:26:33.000 What the hell?
00:26:33.000 He puts that on and it bulks it up.
00:26:34.000 Dude, I've listened to them and I've known of them for a long time.
00:26:37.000 I'm just finding this out.
00:26:38.000 Yeah, he has a Johnny.
00:26:39.000 His arm is Johnny's.
00:26:41.000 Remember there was a Wild Boys episode with Stevo, dude?
00:26:44.000 And they were scaring goats.
00:26:46.000 You just yelled at them and they pass out.
00:26:48.000 They were doing that.
00:26:48.000 That was them.
00:26:49.000 It was hilarious.
00:26:50.000 Oh, they seem like super funny guys.
00:26:52.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:26:53.000 Really likable guys.
00:26:55.000 Look up what... So 3-6 Mafia is composed of... DJ Paul... Is it Juicy J?
00:27:04.000 Yeah.
00:27:05.000 Juicy J. No, Juicy J is the guy.
00:27:09.000 Yeah, Juicy J and the other guy with the small arm.
00:27:11.000 Is it DJ Paul with the baby arm?
00:27:13.000 Yes, DJ Paul on vocals, Juicy J on vocals.
00:27:18.000 Project Pat also on vocals, Lord Infamous, Gangsta Boo, Koopsta.
00:27:23.000 Yeah, I don't need their names.
00:27:24.000 Just while I'm talking, you go figure out what happened to his arm.
00:27:27.000 Why does he have a baby arm?
00:27:29.000 Anyway, so there was this song, Chicken Head.
00:27:32.000 Whoop whoop, chicken chicken. 1.00
00:27:33.000 Whoop whoop, chicken head. 1.00
00:27:35.000 Yeah, you like my outfit?
00:27:37.000 Don't even fake the deal.
00:27:39.000 Uh, and it's a really good song by Project Pat, and I listen to it a lot, and white people have this thing where we think we know rap better than we do.
00:27:50.000 Here it is.
00:27:57.000 We bald head weave up your hair is messed up He's got a disease called Herb's palsy which resulted in his right arm not completely growing making it look deformed Herb's palsy.
00:28:12.000 Mm-hmm, huh?
00:28:14.000 That's not very exciting.
00:28:15.000 Nope.
00:28:16.000 Just the disease just disease you're born with womp womp womp So they're listening to project Pat and
00:28:26.000 And this is right when the song came out.
00:28:28.000 It's got this cool sample, too.
00:28:29.000 It's like, all right, all right, all right.
00:28:32.000 And so I see these people.
00:28:34.000 I'm on Avenue 1st Ave, around 1st and 3rd, where the avenues and the numbers coincide.
00:28:43.000 And you can be at 1A2.
00:28:46.000 What am I talking about?
00:28:47.000 Alphabet City.
00:28:47.000 Yeah.
00:28:48.000 No, no.
00:28:49.000 No?
00:28:49.000 And it's not called Alphabet City anymore.
00:28:50.000 This is the East Village, basically.
00:28:52.000 So you can be on 2nd and 2nd, right?
00:28:55.000 Oh, OK.
00:28:55.000 Yeah.
00:28:56.000 So I'm near second in second, but I'm higher up, closer to St.
00:28:59.000 Mark's Place.
00:29:00.000 And I see these black young people, kind of my age though, like late 20s.
00:29:05.000 I was in my late 20s at the time.
00:29:07.000 And they're playing chicken head really loud in their car.
00:29:14.000 And the doors are open. 0.98
00:29:15.000 I'm getting, I'm starting to get goosebumps just walking into this shitstorm. 0.98
00:29:20.000 Oh my God. 0.92
00:29:23.000 So, uh, the song, the music's playing and they got the doors open and they're singing to each other like, bald head weave up, your hair is messed up.
00:29:33.000 And I'm like, well, I know this song really well.
00:29:35.000 Cause I listened to it all the time and I've just put it on a bunch of mixes and it's my jam.
00:29:40.000 And I'm basically project Pat and,
00:29:42.000 I just moved from Canada too, so I didn't get that blacks and whites are different here.
00:29:47.000 Like they're not, we're not friends for the most part. 0.67
00:29:49.000 Hey, hey black guys. 0.98
00:29:51.000 I want to play dice with you. 0.98
00:29:53.000 Let's do a hand jive. 0.92
00:29:55.000 We're all friends.
00:29:56.000 What happened?
00:29:57.000 Oh God.
00:29:59.000 So they're sitting there and they know all the words a hundred percent, right?
00:30:08.000 And it wasn't even a chorus part where it's like, walk, walk, chicken, chicken.
00:30:11.000 So I was with my friends and I was with this guy, Trevor, who I did a podcast about before.
00:30:15.000 He grew up in an all black neighborhood.
00:30:17.000 So it was even more embarrassing because he's very savvy when it comes to that kind of stuff. 0.96
00:30:23.000 He even speaks black.
00:30:25.000 So I leave him, as we're walking, and I jump over to where they are.
00:30:28.000 I think I may have done a bump of coke and was kind of drunk at the time too.
00:30:31.000 That forgives a little bit.
00:30:32.000 A little tiny, tiny bit.
00:30:34.000 It's still, to the naked eye though, it's still cringe-fest.
00:30:37.000 Insane.
00:30:37.000 So I get down with them.
00:30:40.000 Like, we're best friends in a rap video, and I'm even moving the way they are, like, with my fingers pointed like guns sort of thing, like, and then moving my shoulders up and down, like, chicken, chicken, bald head, nappy weave, and then as they're singing, I realize I don't know the words.
00:30:56.000 Oh my god.
00:30:57.000 And then I'm like, bald head, nappy weave.
00:30:59.000 Chicken, chicken! 1.00
00:31:09.000 And then I just sort of went, I just sort of circled away like almost like a boxing deke, like, I got to get out of this horrible situation.
00:31:17.000 And then I went back and Trevor was like, his jaw was just hanging off his face.
00:31:23.000 And he goes, I am never going to let you live that down.
00:31:28.000 That is the most, and it, I haven't lived it down.
00:31:32.000 Like, I'll be driving, this was probably, well, look up when Chickenhead was.
00:31:36.000 It was probably like 2000, 2009?
00:31:36.000 No, that's not right.
00:31:37.000 It was probably 2000, so I would have been 30.
00:31:44.000 So, we're talking almost 20 years ago.
00:31:47.000 2001.
00:31:47.000 2001, so I was 31.
00:31:49.000 So, but it was like 19, 18 years ago, whatever it is, 17 years ago, and I'll still be driving and I'll think of like, I don't even have to hear the song, but I'll see their car doors open, and it was like a hot summer night, and I thought I was in a Pepsi commercial, and I just jump in, hey, bald head!
00:32:06.000 What did they do?
00:32:07.000 Did they stop singing and dancing?
00:32:09.000 A third did.
00:32:12.000 I think there's, what, seven of them?
00:32:14.000 That laughed nervously? 1.00
00:32:15.000 And like three just sort of stopped and stared at me, like, what the fuck you doing, motherfucker? 1.00
00:32:18.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:32:18.000 What you doing, nigga? 1.00
00:32:20.000 And the others just sort of went, fuck it, it's probably a Canadian who just moved here a couple years ago. 1.00
00:32:25.000 Let's just enjoy it. 1.00
00:32:26.000 He'll see what a loser he is. 1.00
00:32:28.000 This will go away. 0.95
00:32:30.000 I don't want him to ruin this awesome song.
00:32:32.000 I don't know how long it's going to take for me to be able to look at you again.
00:32:37.000 I would understand a month.
00:32:41.000 And then you start going through your Rolodex of embarrassing moments.
00:32:45.000 Like when I first got into punk, I was about 14, and there was this cool punk rocker named, I think his name was Dan McAllister?
00:32:53.000 And he had a Mohawk.
00:32:55.000 Now this is 1983, and he had a Mohawk.
00:32:59.000 Punk was kind of new to us all, even though it was already sort of dead in Britain.
00:33:04.000 83 was pretty early to be a punk rocker.
00:33:06.000 And it's not like you could, all the stuff you bought, you had to order from Britain.
00:33:10.000 And he had a Mohawk, which was unheard of.
00:33:11.000 And I remember hearing that at the hair salon or wherever he went to to have it done, he would stare in the mirror and totally ball them out if they fucked up one little portion of it. 1.00
00:33:20.000 Which in retrospect, what a fucking douche. 0.99
00:33:23.000 But back when we were little kids, it was, holy shit man, he's a total badass when it comes to getting a mohawk. 0.99
00:33:30.000 So, I had just been doing a lot of research about punk. 0.97
00:33:35.000 And I said something like, oh God. 0.99
00:33:39.000 I was falling down the hall and I was like, hey, so looks like there's a lot of dead Kennedys over at the Holiday in the Sun who are getting exploited by, oh damned. 0.92
00:33:56.000 And I was like trying to make a sentence with all punk bands in the name and I hadn't even practiced at first. 0.81
00:34:04.000 I have actual visible deuce chills.
00:34:06.000 Really?
00:34:07.000 You're getting actual bumps on your arm?
00:34:08.000 Yes.
00:34:09.000 So he's not like, in my perfect chicken head world, he comes back with like, oh yeah, that's totally, well, I hope you don't get stranglersed by the, and then he- At Rockaway Beach.
00:34:23.000 Yeah.
00:34:24.000 Then he does punk things back to me, and now we're in the punk gang together.
00:34:28.000 And then you start making out or something?
00:34:31.000 And punk in the middle class suburbs was notoriously snobby, right?
00:34:35.000 Because we had no authenticity.
00:34:36.000 We were rich kids.
00:34:38.000 Not rich, but middle class, right?
00:34:39.000 So there's, you're middle class, you're in the middle of nowhere in Kanata, which is way outside of Ottawa, which is already Squaresville.
00:34:46.000 So there's nothing cool about you.
00:34:47.000 Your neighbors are all farmers.
00:34:48.000 So you have to be a total, no, that's not punk enough.
00:34:51.000 You're not even close to punk, dude.
00:34:53.000 How long have you been in the scene?
00:34:53.000 Like punk rockers in my suburb and skinheads would go into the city on the weekends and be homeless for two days.
00:35:01.000 Just trying to scrounge up some sort of cred.
00:35:05.000 Yeah, throw some dirt on their lives a little bit.
00:35:08.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:35:08.000 Dirty up their life.
00:35:10.000 I got a bad one.
00:35:11.000 Wait, I'm not done.
00:35:11.000 You're not done?
00:35:12.000 So then I'm following Dan to his class and then he finally turns around and he's at the door and I'm standing at the door like, I don't know what I'm waiting for, a fucking kiss on the lips. 0.99
00:35:24.000 And he goes, well, you must be a punk rocker then. 1.00
00:35:29.000 And then goes into this classroom and I, I just realized in a huge tsunami of shame, what a fucking dork I must be. 1.00
00:35:37.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:35:38.000 That's a sad one.
00:35:40.000 Well, I guess you're, that's like a cool thing to say to make you like, he was cool while really sarcastic and mean and his eyes were bulging out of his head.
00:35:49.000 I think he had glasses on and he was like, well, you must be a punk rocker then.
00:35:55.000 Like leave me alone.
00:35:56.000 Yeah.
00:35:57.000 Yeah.
00:35:59.000 Yeah.
00:35:59.000 Pretty bad, huh?
00:36:00.000 That's bad, yeah.
00:36:01.000 It's funny how you remember these forever.
00:36:02.000 Like, I probably did something cool.
00:36:04.000 I probably ollied onto something on my skateboard and then caught a beer mid-air.
00:36:08.000 That's gone.
00:36:10.000 Yeah, that's funny.
00:36:10.000 I don't remember that moment.
00:36:11.000 I remember a lot of trauma, a lot of really weird memories.
00:36:14.000 I'll remember. 1.00
00:36:15.000 I'll take Chicken Head to my fucking grave. 0.99
00:36:17.000 Did I ever tell you about the story I had a crush on Cindy in my school? 0.99
00:36:20.000 And Cindy kissed my friend Jonathan, and by the cubbies, before getting sat, you know, before you sit on your desk, I'm sitting at your desk, I went up to her and I was like, so you kiss Jonathan but you don't kiss me, and I like slammed something or just walked away.
00:36:35.000 Oh yeah, you told me that story before.
00:36:36.000 Yeah.
00:36:37.000 That doesn't sound so bad, that's not embarrassing, it's funny.
00:36:40.000 I was in a punk rock band for a little bit, and I covered one of my stepdad's songs, Wannabe, by Sewage.
00:36:47.000 And the way I sang it, I can't even play it in my head. 1.00
00:36:51.000 I'm like, you're a wannabe, fuck you. 1.00
00:36:55.000 Yeah, I have some punk tapes, too, where the barter in between songs, there's one particular one that sticks out in my head where I go, this next one is about how society tries to control you. 1.00
00:37:10.000 And then there's another one where I'm talking about recycling and I'm like, everyone, don't forget to recycle!
00:37:15.000 You get your cans out there and just, you flatten them.
00:37:18.000 I didn't recycle, so I didn't know.
00:37:19.000 And I said, you flatten them with a hammer?
00:37:21.000 No, you don't have to do that.
00:37:22.000 No.
00:37:22.000 Just put the cans in the thing.
00:37:24.000 The city doesn't insist that every can is sheet metal.
00:37:29.000 And you did that because you meant it.
00:37:30.000 Like you wanted, you were virtue signaling with the recycling or something?
00:37:35.000 Yeah.
00:37:36.000 Yeah.
00:37:36.000 That's exactly what I was doing.
00:37:37.000 I remember another time I was about 10 and everyone went roller skate.
00:37:41.000 This is 1980.
00:37:42.000 And this cool guy comes up to me.
00:37:44.000 I, my mother wanted a girl. 0.88
00:37:45.000 So she always had my hair really long, long blonde feathered hair.
00:37:49.000 And I looked like a girl.
00:37:50.000 A lot of people would ask me if I was a boy or a girl.
00:37:52.000 So I probably wasn't 10.
00:37:53.000 That's a little late.
00:37:54.000 Maybe I was like seven.
00:37:55.000 Yeah, probably seven. 0.61
00:37:57.000 So I'm sitting there at the rink and I'm having a hot dog or something by myself and I've got, you know, my flared jeans and probably a polyester shirt on that says disco sucks.
00:38:08.000 And this cool guy who's like nine sits down next to me.
00:38:12.000 He goes, Hey man, what's going on?
00:38:14.000 And I go, not much.
00:38:15.000 And I'm thinking, why is this guy being so nice to me?
00:38:19.000 Uh, he's two years older than me.
00:38:20.000 He's way cooler than me.
00:38:21.000 This doesn't make any sense.
00:38:22.000 And then, uh, so you, you, uh, you've been coming here a lot and stuff.
00:38:27.000 And I go, yeah, my mom drops me off here on Saturdays.
00:38:29.000 Oh, right on.
00:38:30.000 Yeah.
00:38:31.000 And sometimes we'd play tag and stuff on roller skates.
00:38:33.000 We weren't there to disco dance or anything.
00:38:34.000 It was more like rambunctious than that.
00:38:36.000 I know it sounds queer, but it was kind of fun playing tag. 0.99
00:38:38.000 Sounds fun.
00:38:40.000 Yeah.
00:38:40.000 You go really fast.
00:38:42.000 Um, and then I've thought, uh, something's not right here.
00:38:45.000 So I go, you know, I'm not a girl, right?
00:38:48.000 And then he goes, ugh, yes?
00:38:51.000 God!
00:38:52.000 And then he got up and walked away, and I just blew a friendship with a totally cool... That one's not so embarrassing.
00:38:58.000 All right, I think... But that was bad, though.
00:39:00.000 I think we're ready to dive into your stand-up.
00:39:03.000 Okay, I got one more, and I... Oh my god.
00:39:06.000 This is like a guy delaying his execution.
00:39:08.000 This is bad, though.
00:39:09.000 This one's worse than the stand-up.
00:39:11.000 Yeah, so my, I was in JROTC and so I had like, it was fake military in the school kind of stuff.
00:39:19.000 You know what that is?
00:39:20.000 JROTC?
00:39:21.000 You wear uniforms and you mimic like... Yeah, we did that too.
00:39:23.000 It's like a cadets thing.
00:39:25.000 Yeah, cadet, you know, training program, whatever.
00:39:27.000 And my grandfather was in NAMM, so he, you know, got out of there.
00:39:31.000 He was a sergeant, then he got demoted because him and his friends were, they caused a ruckus in town one night and just partying.
00:39:37.000 So, he was a corporal, whatever, and he was, one night, you know, I'm in high school still, he's drunk, this is back when he drank, he doesn't drink anymore, it's been years, and he was depressed, and he was feeling like suicidal, and he was drunk and like sobbing, so I went to his room, and I was talking to him, telling him I love him, and I said, on your feet, soldier!
00:40:03.000 No!
00:40:09.000 How bad is that?
00:40:10.000 That's not bad. 1.00
00:40:11.000 No, it feels like what a woman would say to a fucking soldier in a movie, like, on your feet, soldier! 0.99
00:40:15.000 That's like, that's like my buddy. 1.00
00:40:17.000 I can't live with that.
00:40:17.000 I know a guy, we could do a million of other people's too, because everyone has about four or five, but his parents are getting divorced, and he thought, I gotta help my dad.
00:40:27.000 I know my dad's really depressed because it was the wife that was leaving his dad.
00:40:30.000 So he was kind of goth at the time, and his dad is in the kitchen, and so
00:40:37.000 He had written out the lyrics to Boys Don't Cry by The Cure, which we should probably look up.
00:40:44.000 Boys, boys don't cry.
00:40:53.000 How does it go?
00:40:54.000 I would say I'm sorry if I thought that it would change your mind, but I know that this time I've said too much, been too unkind.
00:41:03.000 I tried to laugh about it, cover it all up with lies.
00:41:07.000 I tried to laugh about it, hiding the tears in my eyes, cause boys don't... It's the gayest song in the world, right? 1.00
00:41:16.000 And so he wrote out those lyrics,
00:41:19.000 And he was basically, I guess, suggesting that he, his dad give this to the mom, or at least take it in and realize that there's nothing you can do, but you gotta be brave and boys don't cry.
00:41:31.000 And I would break down on your feet and beg forgiveness, plead with you, but I know that it's too late and now there's nothing I can do.
00:41:36.000 So his dad walks in, his dad's like a dad, like a bald guy with a mustache.
00:41:40.000 A dude, you know, who fixes his car.
00:41:40.000 A dude.
00:41:43.000 And he, he's got like on a black sweater and probably bangs in his eyes.
00:41:46.000 Uh,
00:41:47.000 My friend.
00:41:48.000 And he goes, Dad!
00:41:49.000 Dad!
00:41:50.000 This dad walks in and he just he taps his finger to the cork board that's in the kitchen where you put grocery lists and he's pinned the lyrics to Boys Don't Cry and he taps it with his finger twice and then walks out of the room.
00:42:04.000 Heavy man.
00:42:04.000 Wow.
00:42:06.000 Cause in his mind his dad's gonna like pull out the thumbtack and just sit there with the paper and go, so I try to laugh about it, cover it all up with lies.
00:42:15.000 Yeah, this nails it.
00:42:17.000 You know.
00:42:17.000 Hiding the tears in my eyes.
00:42:18.000 Yes, that's me.
00:42:19.000 I had my kid all wrong.
00:42:21.000 Wow, my kid just blew my mind.
00:42:23.000 I'd never heard of this band called The Cure.
00:42:24.000 It really helped me get through my divorce.
00:42:28.000 Hey, Eddie, you should check out this song, Boys Don't Cry.
00:42:31.000 It'll really help you, man.
00:42:33.000 Saved my marriage.
00:42:34.000 Wow, what a wake-up call.
00:42:36.000 It's Robert Smith guy. 1.00
00:42:38.000 Shit, I gotta bring him to the next barbecue. 0.99
00:42:40.000 You're gonna love it. 1.00
00:42:41.000 Break out the boom box.
00:42:43.000 Alright, so we've done enough.
00:42:45.000 Let's build up here.
00:42:46.000 It's time for Ryan Katsu Rivera's most embarrassing moment.
00:42:51.000 He was doing stand-up.
00:42:52.000 Now, in your defense, you were how old in this?
00:42:55.000 I was young.
00:42:59.000 This is evil, dude.
00:43:03.000 Wait, but you're not even hooked up to the sound.
00:43:07.000 What do you mean?
00:43:08.000 Are you going to play it?
00:43:10.000 No, you're going to play it.
00:43:12.000 This is what Stalin would do, by the way, in Czechoslovakia. 0.76
00:43:15.000 No, you're going to do it.
00:43:17.000 He would keep his enemies up for five days or four days.
00:43:22.000 Oh, I found it.
00:43:23.000 And then they would represent themselves on trial.
00:43:26.000 Stop, stop.
00:43:26.000 They would represent themselves on trial and they'd be so sleep deprived and insane that they would be their own lawyers and they would recommend the death penalty for themselves because he had destroyed them.
00:43:36.000 And so they became the greatest weapon against themselves.
00:43:39.000 And that's what I'm doing to you right now.
00:43:40.000 I'm a Stalinist.
00:43:41.000 I'm self-destructing.
00:43:43.000 Okay, so this is Ryan doing stand-up at a guitar store.
00:43:46.000 Just imagine a guy with sliders on and a woman's sweatshirt and a bunch of guitars behind him.
00:43:53.000 My dad, he's super duper Japanese.
00:43:55.000 When he talks to me, it's like this.
00:43:57.000 I'm going to give you a little sample.
00:44:15.000 Ryan, today we're going to the beach!
00:44:46.000 I don't want to do this.
00:44:50.000 Let's explain the joke here, or what you were trying to say.
00:44:53.000 First of all, doing your parents, if they have a different accent, is hacky. 0.94
00:44:56.000 That's like Margaret Cho.
00:44:56.000 I do it all the time.
00:44:57.000 Margaret Cho, Joe Coy, Bobby Lee, and the Asians. 0.98
00:45:01.000 Indians always do it too.
00:45:03.000 They're allowed to do the Indian accent.
00:45:05.000 I do it.
00:45:07.000 But the joke, for the folks at home who didn't understand, he's saying, his dad's a very soothing, quiet Japanese man.
00:45:12.000 I'm gonna go to the beach.
00:45:14.000 But then when he reads, he only does all caps, so that sounds like he's screaming.
00:45:18.000 Ryan!
00:45:18.000 We're going to the beach!
00:45:20.000 There's ways to even yell it funny, but I didn't commit.
00:45:22.000 Yeah, you should have been way more bombastic.
00:45:23.000 But also, why would your dad be writing you a letter about how you're gonna go to the beach?
00:45:29.000 Like you should have made it a different scenario.
00:45:31.000 So like you should have said, not that we should be coaching your most embarrassing moment of your life, because obviously it could be better.
00:45:37.000 It's the worst moment of your life.
00:45:39.000 Yeah.
00:45:39.000 But you could have said that the, I can't believe I'm coaching you through this, but you could have said the first one was like, he'll be telling me something and then he'll say, Ryan, don't worry about it.
00:45:48.000 You have to get over it.
00:45:49.000 You know, she was a nice girl, but you'll be okay.
00:45:51.000 And then he sends me a letter going,
00:45:53.000 You know, are you still hung up on that girl?
00:45:57.000 Get over it!
00:45:57.000 And then I'll call him and go, Dad, Dad, I thought... I'm fine, I'm fine.
00:46:00.000 He goes, yeah, I know, Ryan.
00:46:02.000 And then I realized... Oh, I see.
00:46:03.000 Okay.
00:46:04.000 Oh, yeah.
00:46:04.000 He only knows how to write in all caps.
00:46:06.000 So every time I get an email from him, I think he's losing his temper.
00:46:10.000 That's a very... That's a good note, eh?
00:46:12.000 Yeah.
00:46:13.000 That makes it worth it telling, you know, and this is...
00:46:18.000 So that's it, right?
00:46:19.000 No, no, no.
00:46:19.000 Let's do some more.
00:46:20.000 Jump in the middle.
00:46:21.000 That's a long set.
00:46:23.000 How long were you up there for?
00:46:24.000 I don't care.
00:46:26.000 I don't want to relive this at all.
00:46:30.000 Let's just hear a random piece in the middle.
00:46:32.000 I don't do stand-up, by the way.
00:46:33.000 Not before nor since.
00:46:35.000 This was the only time I ever did it.
00:46:36.000 And this is a music... Alright.
00:46:41.000 You're still doing your dad?
00:46:43.000 No, this is about my co-worker.
00:46:46.000 Talking about how he feels about bugs or something.
00:47:09.000 One chuckle.
00:47:09.000 Wait, that's the joke?
00:47:10.000 This is... It's like nothing's happening, though.
00:47:12.000 It's like, this is the worst thing.
00:47:14.000 Isn't it?
00:47:14.000 Oh, this show... Okay, we're done with humiliating you.
00:47:38.000 Yeah, I probably got some stuff like that too.
00:47:41.000 Like that?
00:47:42.000 Yeah.
00:47:43.000 I just broke down the word, oh my god, there's nothing to say about it.
00:47:48.000 There's that one where it's Vice moving to New York.
00:47:52.000 I saw that, you look pretty cool in that.
00:47:55.000 Got flip flops on, I'm talking about how I hope we make it and stuff.
00:48:00.000 That's pretty bad.
00:48:01.000 But anyway, we've come full circle though.
00:48:04.000 This is the cringe episode.
00:48:07.000 Uh, we discovered Copper Cab's call to action on a, uh, on a cringe Reddit, on a cringe video.
00:48:15.000 It's so funny when you're, you're scrolling through your morning, your morning paper, basically, which is a cringe Reddit.
00:48:23.000 And there is my name and the ginger with no soul challenging me to a fight. 1.00
00:48:28.000 Uh,
00:48:33.000 Uh, and then we go through our most embarrassing moments.
00:48:36.000 I think those moments are very important to have though.
00:48:39.000 It's sort of like you can tell when someone hasn't been punched in the face at all.
00:48:42.000 They have that.
00:48:42.000 That's why women are often saying, I want to talk to the manager and men are like, uh, if the manager's around, if not, I guess I'll deal with it later.
00:48:49.000 Cause they've been punched in the face. 0.98
00:48:50.000 And they know that conflict sucks. 0.68
00:48:53.000 And so they try to, you know, there's nothing scarier than a guy who's super duper nice.
00:48:57.000 And you'll notice that at the boxing gym too.
00:48:58.000 People are like, are you using the water bag?
00:49:00.000 No, no, I don't mind.
00:49:01.000 Go ahead, go ahead.
00:49:02.000 No, no, no.
00:49:03.000 If you want to use it, use it.
00:49:04.000 And if not, and you know what?
00:49:05.000 I'm going to go to the other side of the gym entirely.
00:49:07.000 And you can have all of these bags.
00:49:09.000 And this is like the guy that looks like he'd rip anybody to shreds.
00:49:12.000 Yeah, this guy whose nose is just two holes.
00:49:14.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:49:16.000 It's a muscular face.
00:49:20.000 And that's probably why, you know, you have all these hyper leftists being so snarky and trying to shut down people's lives and trying to get people fired and banned because they've never, they're just spoiled brats who've never been there. 0.81
00:49:33.000 And they, you know, it's, there's more than just getting punched in the face. 0.73
00:49:37.000 You need to get embarrassed. 0.99
00:49:39.000 You need to have gone up to black people and tried to sing chicken head with them. 1.00
00:49:44.000 To realize that you're not in a Pepsi commercial. 0.92
00:49:47.000 This is real life.
00:49:49.000 Some people don't get along. 0.93
00:49:51.000 You're not going to be bros with all the black people you see who sing Project Pat. 1.00
00:49:57.000 You're not going to instantly become part of the cool punk scene.
00:50:01.000 You're not going to get on stage at the guitar shop and instantly be a comedian. 0.99
00:50:06.000 And no, Copper Cab, you're not going to sit there and talk shit and not get your block knocked off. 0.98
00:50:17.000 Thanks for tuning in folks. 0.94
00:50:19.000 We will see you on Monday with some all new exciting content.
00:50:25.000 Let's stay tuned to the Jussie saga because I think that flying neighbor may have protected him and I think he's gonna get away with this but I'm 94% sure it's a hoax.