Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - December 15, 2017


Get Off My Lawn Podcast #12 | I Had A House in Costa Rica

Topics
divorced dads Joaquin Phoenix and River in Costa Rica locals and ecotourism in Costa Rica
Hosted by
Gavin McInnes
Mentioned
Juan Phoenix Jason Statham Joaquin Phoenix Puerto Ricans John Belushi Joe Strummer Jessica Alba Pai Mini Adderall Gavin Kevin Keene Tico Paul St. Marie Richard Sawinski Colin Kaepernick Clint Eastwood Harry Miller Jushu Gabiba! Wagwan Kebin and 22 more
Get Off My Lawn #46 | Christmas Terror Get Off My Lawn #48 | $tocking $tuffer

Episode Stats


Length

1 hour and 2 minutes

Words per minute

170.2

Word count

10,683

Sentence count

963

Harmful content

Misogyny

18

sentences flagged

Toxicity

132

sentences flagged

Hate speech

41

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, Alex talks about his first vacation to Costa Rica, how he got there, and why he doesn t like going on vacation in the summer anymore. Alex also talks about how he almost died on a plane in Costa Rica and why it s a good place to go on a vacation if you like to surf and do drugs. And he talks about what it s like to be on the run from the law in the middle of the night in a small town in Central America. Alex is a writer, entrepreneur, podcaster, and podcaster. He's also an avid surfer and has a real estate company in New York, but he doesn't live in the big city, he lives in the small town of Montezuma, Costa Rica. If you like surfing and drugs, you'll love this episode. It's a wild ride through Central America, and it's a great place to take a break from the hustle and get some rest and relaxation. This episode is sponsored by Costa Rica Airline, a Costa Rica airline. Learn more about your ad choices. Use the promo code: CRIMINALS at checkout to get 10% off your first purchase when you book your first Costa Rica Vacation. All you have to be 21 years old or older than 18 years old, and must be able to pay $35 or more than $50 to get a discount. The offer ends in August 2020. You must be 21 or older to receive a discount code at checkout at the Costa Rica Traveler Experience, which includes a free of their own airport lounge and a free boarding pass. at Costa Rica Viceroy package, and a discount of $50 or $75 or $99 or $150 at VGA or VGA, plus a VGA membership, plus they'll give you an additional $100 or they'll get you an upgrade when you get a VIP membership when you sign up for a complimentary cart with VGA and they get $5 or they get your first place to use the VGA discount, they'll also get $25 or they receive $25,000 in VGA Plus they'll receive $5,000 or they can get you a cart and they'll have a complimentary VGA & they get a 5-piece of VGA Pro membership. you'll get an ad-only version of the ad-free version of this podcasting service. They also get a complimentary copy of the entire show.

Transcript

Transcripts from "Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 I had a house in Costa Rica.
00:00:03.000 I just sold my share.
00:00:07.000 I'm very cheap, but I think I got a hundred grand?
00:00:10.000 I think I put in fifty?
00:00:11.000 I don't even remember.
00:00:13.000 It was in 1999 when we got a bunch of money from a billionaire, an eccentric guy named Richard Sawinski.
00:00:26.000 He made a bunch of money in
00:00:28.000 Uh, CGI.
00:00:31.000 In Jurassic Park, back when that stuff was fresh.
00:00:34.000 When it was just being invented.
00:00:37.000 And, uh, he bought Vice and flew us to New York forever.
00:00:43.000 Where I still remain today.
00:00:45.000 But, we were broke up until then.
00:00:48.000 Me and my two compatriots.
00:00:51.000 And we knew we would just blow the money.
00:00:53.000 That we got.
00:00:55.000 So we bought real estate.
00:00:57.000 Or at least, me and the sales guy did.
00:01:02.000 And it was a place we'd been going quite a bit.
00:01:04.000 Actually, all of January and all of August for years.
00:01:11.000 And it was called Montezuma, Costa Rica.
00:01:14.000 Or as the locals called it, Montefuma, Coca Rica.
00:01:19.000 Fuma being smoke, because there's so much pot, and coca being cocaine.
00:01:25.000 And, um, it was a weird, it is a very weird town.
00:01:30.000 I'm not sure I'm going to recommend you go there.
00:01:33.000 If you're a young man who likes to surf and do drugs and you like an element of danger and you're not that horny. 0.86
00:01:43.000 Cause there's no chicks there. 1.00
00:01:45.000 It's so hard to get to that.
00:01:47.000 There's no women. 1.00
00:01:47.000 I mean, you could bring your own. 1.00
00:01:49.000 That's what we ended up doing.
00:01:52.000 But yeah, back in the early 90s, and well, back in all of the 90s, I ran a newsprint tabloid, and there's no real business in January and August.
00:02:06.000 There's nothing to do.
00:02:08.000 So after the December rush, you know, people have their new budgets and they blew all their chips in December.
00:02:14.000 Nothing happened in January.
00:02:15.000 Similarly with the summer.
00:02:16.000 And this is true of a lot of business, I find.
00:02:19.000 It's hard to make money in August because the guys who write the checks are in the West Hamptons.
00:02:25.000 So business sort of slows down those days.
00:02:27.000 That's what's bothered me too.
00:02:28.000 Can't you just pick up the phone and write this check and say yes?
00:02:33.000 I go on vacation.
00:02:34.000 I can pick up the phone.
00:02:35.000 I check my email every morning.
00:02:37.000 Shouldn't be more than 24 hours.
00:02:39.000 Anyway, so back when we were making no money, uh, we would go there and, uh, God, San Jose, Costa Rica, that's where you land.
00:02:49.000 And you're only a hundred kilometers, what's that, 80 miles from Montezuma, which is on, there's two sides to Costa Rica.
00:02:58.000 There's the Caribbean side and the other side.
00:03:01.000 Caribbean side, yeah.
00:03:03.000 It's weird.
00:03:03.000 They have Jamaican accents when they speak English.
00:03:08.000 And Spanish.
00:03:08.000 We're talking about Central America.
00:03:11.000 But we were on the... Oh, I'm gonna have to look this up here.
00:03:14.000 The Pacific side?
00:03:16.000 And the beach sort of is much nicer there.
00:03:18.000 It goes slowly into the water.
00:03:22.000 I mean, come to think of it, it is pretty beautiful.
00:03:26.000 There's this Playa Grande there that takes about 45 minutes to get to, but it is, it is stunning.
00:03:32.000 And there's great restaurants there.
00:03:35.000 So there's the, well, it's weird because you're sort of facing, you're on a peninsula when you're there.
00:03:43.000 It's the Pacific side and the Caribbean side, they call it.
00:03:49.000 And my friend Nadine, who's recently deceased, would call it Camp Murderer.
00:03:53.000 Because it's so hard to get to and it's so out there that you end up with all these freaks.
00:03:59.000 90% men there.
00:03:59.000 It's very male.
00:04:01.000 Surfers and murderers on the lam.
00:04:05.000 So you land in Costa Rica and then you gotta take like a bus, and then a ferry, and it ends up taking a couple days to go 80 miles.
00:04:15.000 Now eventually when we got money we would just go there and rent a Sansa plane.
00:04:20.000 That was like 150 bucks.
00:04:22.000 You know, a seat.
00:04:22.000 I don't mean the whole plane.
00:04:24.000 But those planes are so petrifying because
00:04:29.000 America now, you have to have two engines on those little planes in case one goes.
00:04:34.000 So they sold all the one-engine planes to Costa Rica.
00:04:37.000 So if something goes out there, you're gonna die.
00:04:41.000 And I remember once I was with my girlfriend, who's now my wife, and she's squeezing my hand and she, because the turbulence is mental there, right?
00:04:48.000 And she goes, I don't know if we're gonna make it.
00:04:51.000 And I go, honey, this is like a bus, okay?
00:04:54.000 It's just an airbus.
00:04:56.000 You know how many thousands and thousands of flights are going on right now?
00:05:00.000 In planes like this, it's much more dangerous to be on the road.
00:05:04.000 Meanwhile, I'm crapping my pants with fear.
00:05:08.000 Hoping she doesn't notice that my palms are basically shower heads of sweat.
00:05:14.000 Anyway, we didn't die.
00:05:17.000 But we went there because we heard our friend Paul St.
00:05:19.000 Marie.
00:05:20.000 He goes, you got to go to this place.
00:05:21.000 It's this magical place.
00:05:21.000 You, you camp on the beach.
00:05:24.000 You can live on $10 a day.
00:05:25.000 Easy.
00:05:26.000 Uh, it's like you're cryogenically frozen.
00:05:28.000 Like your money just stays with you as opposed to staying in Montreal.
00:05:32.000 You're going to be broke in no time.
00:05:34.000 So it was actually cost effective to go on vacation.
00:05:38.000 If you could make it out there.
00:05:39.000 And he was right.
00:05:40.000 It was really cool.
00:05:41.000 There was camping on the beach.
00:05:42.000 The hotels were so cheap that if you could give her, you know, a month in advance, you could be staying there for $10, $15 a night.
00:05:52.000 So, uh, which is what we end up doing.
00:05:54.000 I never camped on the beach.
00:05:55.000 How do you not get your stuff stolen?
00:05:57.000 There's criminals everywhere.
00:05:59.000 In Costa Rica, they're called Tico's.
00:06:02.000 Criminal- being a criminal is like a given.
00:06:05.000 So, if you're with your friend, and you left your wallet on the table, your friend would steal it.
00:06:10.000 It's almost like Punch Buggy Red.
00:06:13.000 Like, you knew that was happening?
00:06:14.000 Ha ha.
00:06:15.000 I ro- I robbed you.
00:06:16.000 I mean, I'm not sure it applies to rape and murder, but, uh,
00:06:22.000 There was plenty of murder there.
00:06:23.000 Plenty of murder.
00:06:24.000 Plenty of death.
00:06:27.000 The Phoenixes lived there.
00:06:29.000 Juan Phoenix, River Phoenix's dad?
00:06:31.000 He's down there.
00:06:34.000 He's got some band, Juan and the Desperacitos or something.
00:06:38.000 God, it's like Grateful Dead type music.
00:06:40.000 We would see Joaquin Phoenix come down.
00:06:43.000 I have to throw in celebrity names once in a while to keep people interested.
00:06:47.000 It also gives you perspective, I think.
00:06:49.000 But anyway, but yeah, back in the 90s we would go there and there's just like...
00:06:55.000 Surfing?
00:06:56.000 Which, I cannot surf.
00:06:58.000 I don't even understand surfing.
00:07:00.000 I have a theory that it might be impossible.
00:07:02.000 Like, speaking Chinese.
00:07:04.000 I don't think Chinese is a real language.
00:07:06.000 They just go like, and you go, what did that mean?
00:07:13.000 Oh, that meant I'm going to get a sandwich.
00:07:15.000 Okay, say it again.
00:07:17.000 What?
00:07:18.000 Say that exact sentence again.
00:07:21.000 That's not the same sentence, dude.
00:07:26.000 You're just making sounds.
00:07:28.000 And your language is just scribbles.
00:07:30.000 I think you're making this up as you go along. 0.92
00:07:32.000 I think you're illiterate.
00:07:33.000 There's no such thing as Chinese.
00:07:35.000 And there's no such thing as surfing.
00:07:37.000 It's not possible because you have to row out there with your arms, right?
00:07:42.000 Going through giant waves trying to get to the right spot.
00:07:45.000 You finally make it out there and your arms are spaghetti.
00:07:49.000 They're just strings with hands at the end.
00:07:52.000 Now, with these dead arms, you have to feel a wave coming, then start giving her, right as it's coming, and then stand up.
00:08:01.000 No!
00:08:02.000 Not happening.
00:08:04.000 Body surfing, that's fun.
00:08:06.000 That only takes a few tries.
00:08:08.000 Surfing, after three days of having spaghetti arms, you go, this is impossible.
00:08:14.000 I quit.
00:08:15.000 So,
00:08:17.000 I'm in a surfer town with gorgeous hunks.
00:08:19.000 They do this thing where they wear their surf shorts kind of low and they get those nice little lines by their pubes.
00:08:26.000 And there'd usually be three chicks there that were half decent and we couldn't get them because I'm not attractive and I can't compete with surfers and they had their pick of the litter. 1.00
00:08:38.000 So, after a couple years there, I've realized you gotta bring in your own ladies.
00:08:45.000 You gotta import the poon, which we did. 1.00
00:08:50.000 And, uh... So, we would just go there and do cocaine and smoke pot, and it was great pot, it was crappy pot.
00:08:58.000 And I wish we could get back to those days, because I can't smoke marijuana now.
00:09:03.000 It's like green acid.
00:09:04.000 You start hallucinating, you have to take your shirt off and lie down on the bathroom floor.
00:09:08.000 I tried it about a year ago, and I was going to call 911, but I didn't like the idea of being in a gurney.
00:09:16.000 And having to go to the hospital.
00:09:18.000 If there was like a private ER where they could take you around the back, I would have called 9-1-1.
00:09:23.000 It was that desperate.
00:09:25.000 I didn't know what was up or down.
00:09:26.000 It was like scuba diving in the dark.
00:09:31.000 Too bad. 1.00
00:09:32.000 You know, pot was invented for watching movies, having sex with your wife, 1.00
00:09:38.000 And watching movies. 0.98
00:09:39.000 The first one, horror, and the last one, comedy.
00:09:43.000 But now, I don't know, it's for being able to see through trees?
00:09:48.000 Who the hell can handle it? 0.72
00:09:50.000 I know these potheads that just wake and bake. 1.00
00:09:52.000 Like John at Compound Media, just wakes and bakes, drives a car.
00:09:56.000 How do you drive a car on acid?
00:09:59.000 You deserve the Nobel Peace Prize if you can drive your car while on acid.
00:10:04.000 No thanky!
00:10:07.000 One time we did coke there and uh... Costa Rica is an interesting little place in Central America because I heard a lot of CIA guys will retire there so there's a vested interest for the Secret Service to make sure it's a safe place. 0.98
00:10:23.000 Now it's a disgusting violent place like all of Central America because you're dealing with savages who will murder you and it's full of illegals 1.00
00:10:34.000 It's full of people from Panama, and Honduras, and El Salvador, even Guatemala, who go there to work. 0.97
00:10:41.000 And you think our illegals are bad? 0.97
00:10:44.000 Imagine illegals in hell. 1.00
00:10:45.000 Like, I remember there was a story there, there was some Panamans who got in a fight because one of them had slept with the other guy's wife, and he chopped his hands off. 0.99
00:10:55.000 He chopped the other guy's hands, plural, off.
00:11:01.000 I understand one hand.
00:11:03.000 Ah!
00:11:03.000 I have a stub.
00:11:03.000 I gotta cauterize it.
00:11:05.000 But how do you go thug? 0.98
00:11:06.000 And then while we're at it, thug. 0.87
00:11:09.000 How do you do that?
00:11:10.000 I really, I can't figure it out.
00:11:11.000 How do you get the other arm down?
00:11:13.000 Or maybe he did them both at once.
00:11:15.000 That's one hell of a sharp machete too.
00:11:18.000 How long do you spend sharpening that thing?
00:11:22.000 I can't wait to take away my cousin's hands.
00:11:27.000 I remember there was this one guy I'll get to.
00:11:29.000 He was like the king of Montezuma, Jason.
00:11:33.000 And he had one entire leg tattooed and nothing else.
00:11:38.000 So one leg was like waves and stuff.
00:11:39.000 He was a surfer.
00:11:40.000 Six foot five.
00:11:42.000 And Tico's are weird.
00:11:44.000 Tico's are Costa Ricans.
00:11:45.000 Tico's are... They'll kill you, but they're also pussies. 1.00
00:11:50.000 So, he would just boss them around. 0.99
00:11:52.000 I remember one time we were walking through the town, which you can find all this online.
00:11:56.000 We're walking through the main street of Montezuma, which is tiny.
00:11:59.000 It's got like, there's two restaurants in one bar.
00:12:03.000 And, uh, he sees a guy with a machete yelling at another guy.
00:12:08.000 And he's talking to me about something else, like about construction.
00:12:11.000 What they're doing now is, it's gotta be cement.
00:12:13.000 You can't have wood close to the sea, because the salt water, you know, a wood house would last ten years.
00:12:19.000 I know it's prettier, Gavin, but you have to go with cement.
00:12:22.000 As he's saying this, he sees the guy yelling at the other guy with a machete behind his back.
00:12:27.000 He just takes the machete out of the guy's hand and keeps walking.
00:12:32.000 And then I think like throws it in a dumpster or something without changing his conversation.
00:12:37.000 So it was like he was walking down the street and he picked up a chip bag and put it in the garbage.
00:12:41.000 It was just like cleaning up the town, preventing a murder, and they didn't do anything.
00:12:49.000 So that's the kind of vibe there.
00:12:51.000 I remember there was this black dude that I got along with and we did coke in the bathroom once and he just assumed we're friends.
00:13:03.000 And we're not friends. 0.99
00:13:05.000 You're like a weirdo. 0.99
00:13:06.000 You live in a tent and you're not vacationing here, you're living here. 0.99
00:13:10.000 And I was with someone else and he's like, what's happening Kevin?
00:13:15.000 Black people in America call me Geev for some reason, and Jamaicans always call me Kebin.
00:13:21.000 And he had a Jamaican accent even though he was a Tico and he's like, Wagwan Kebin! 1.00
00:13:25.000 I'm like, hey man.
00:13:26.000 And I didn't give him enough love or something.
00:13:29.000 So he thought I was snubbing him. 0.51
00:13:30.000 And you know, people doing coke, they get, cokeheads are insane. 1.00
00:13:35.000 So after that he would, he'd be like, it's a Kebin. 1.00
00:13:41.000 You wanna go do some, some coca?
00:13:44.000 I go, uh, okay. 1.00
00:13:45.000 So I go to the bathroom with him and he's like, don't, and we're doing bumps, you know, bumps where you put coke on a kid, and he's like, don't fuck around, Kevin. 1.00
00:13:54.000 Cause when you fuck around, you get abused. 1.00
00:13:58.000 See? 1.00
00:13:59.000 I was like, uh oh, this guy is past the point of no return.
00:14:05.000 And then I heard a couple days later, he had smeared his own feces all over the inside of his tent and was screaming about Satan and 666 and stuff.
00:14:17.000 And then he vanished.
00:14:18.000 There's police there.
00:14:20.000 They have a t-shirt that just says police and a billy club. 1.00
00:14:23.000 They're useless. 0.93
00:14:24.000 So, the town is like the Wild West, and in the 90s, if someone was robbed, all the locals, like the white people, the expats who lived there, they would literally get on horses. 0.95
00:14:35.000 Like the Wild West, and go find the guy and chase him out of town.
00:14:40.000 But the Coke story I was telling originally, and I don't do cocaine anymore, I don't think you should do that drug after your late 30s, because your heart, you'll die. 0.95
00:14:51.000 Especially if you're fat.
00:14:52.000 Chris Farley, John Belushi, probably Ralphie May.
00:14:55.000 I mean, your body can't handle that stuff.
00:14:58.000 So, I always say, I didn't quit drugs, drugs quit me.
00:15:03.000 But this was back in the good old days, in our 20s, and there was a massive pillowcase.
00:15:11.000 Well, let me go back a step.
00:15:12.000 So, I guess from Nicaragua or something, or Panama, or even South America, they ride their boats up, trying to get up to at least Mexico, or maybe even America, these drug dealers.
00:15:25.000 And it was pre-cut.
00:15:26.000 I'll cut it later.
00:15:28.000 So they're driving and the Coast Guard is on them.
00:15:30.000 So what these drug dealers do is they just start unloading these pillowcases of coke.
00:15:36.000 And they're in a bag, duct taped in a bag, duct taped in a bag, like seven layers deep.
00:15:41.000 And so there's this local fisherman in Costa Rica.
00:15:44.000 This year would have been like 97 or so.
00:15:48.000 And he's fishing, that's all they do there.
00:15:50.000 They have no food by the way.
00:15:53.000 There's no such thing as Costa Rican cuisine.
00:15:55.000 Ever been to a Costa Rican restaurant?
00:15:56.000 Nope.
00:15:57.000 You are surrounded with the most arable land on Earth.
00:16:00.000 Cattle's your biggest export.
00:16:02.000 There's fish everywhere.
00:16:03.000 All they eat is just, like, a fish.
00:16:06.000 Hey, you want some fish?
00:16:08.000 I don't know.
00:16:08.000 What else is with it?
00:16:09.000 Wow.
00:16:09.000 Rice?
00:16:11.000 Way to invent some food.
00:16:14.000 So, the fisherman is going there, getting his dinner and his lunch and his breakfast, which is just fish, fish, fish.
00:16:19.000 And he sees one of these pillowcases.
00:16:21.000 So he pulls it into the boat, and he goes to his son, Hey Juan, this is a big deal, right?
00:16:30.000 And Juan goes, uh, yeah, Dad.
00:16:33.000 That's like a million dollars.
00:16:36.000 And the son was probably 17, 18.
00:16:38.000 And dealing coke there isn't a big deal.
00:16:41.000 We met a guy who went to jail for five years for dealing acid, because they didn't know what acid was.
00:16:46.000 But coke, that's just pot to them.
00:16:50.000 So the son, the way they deal it is they take plastic bags and they cut the corners off and then they put it in the corner and then they tie that up in a knot.
00:16:59.000 And the son goes, I can sell these for 10 bucks each and that's going to be enough to buy a house, basically.
00:17:05.000 And I'm not going to cut it because I don't want to mess with it.
00:17:08.000 So we bought it when we were down there and it was pure, unadulterated,
00:17:14.000 Unfiltered cocaine.
00:17:16.000 And to be clear, drugs are bad, kids.
00:17:19.000 Even pot is bad for you.
00:17:22.000 You don't get out of bed, it kills your will to live.
00:17:25.000 I think it makes you infertile.
00:17:26.000 I don't know how many couples are trying to have kids where one guy's a pothead and she just doesn't get pregnant. 1.00
00:17:31.000 It's... Again, it makes movies funnier and stuff, but I think it's... And it should be legalized.
00:17:36.000 I think all drugs should be legalized.
00:17:37.000 But that doesn't mean they're good.
00:17:40.000 I'm a drunk.
00:17:41.000 I don't think... I don't think alcohol is good.
00:17:47.000 As I swig a huge thing of booze.
00:17:50.000 No, it's coffee.
00:17:52.000 So, he sells it, and this cocaine was unbelievable.
00:17:58.000 It must have been what it was like in America before it was made illegal, back when it was in Coca-Cola.
00:18:04.000 When was that?
00:18:04.000 The early 1900s?
00:18:06.000 You just did coke.
00:18:07.000 Everyone had a little snuff box.
00:18:08.000 I'm just gonna do a bump.
00:18:09.000 I heard that's the way it is in Colombia.
00:18:11.000 A secretary, you know, your mom, your aunt, will just have a bag. 1.00
00:18:16.000 You know, she won't have a kilo at home, but everyone will have a little bag of coke.
00:18:20.000 And then I believe the story in America was they decided that the Negro is unable to handle this drug and they become erratic and violent and criminal. 0.98
00:18:31.000 On the cocaine! 0.86
00:18:32.000 So we're gonna make it illegal starting now, and take it out of the Coca-Cola.
00:18:36.000 Replace that with caffeine or something.
00:18:39.000 And that's why it was called Coca-Cola.
00:18:40.000 But anyway, this was the good old days, and this was the drug that I don't even think is bad for you.
00:18:46.000 I think uncut coke is good for you.
00:18:51.000 Yeah, you heard me.
00:18:53.000 So we would do it, and it didn't look white.
00:18:56.000 It had like a fish scale, kind of a rainbow gleam to it.
00:19:00.000 And you would do a bump, or a line, and then you would have a large breakfast.
00:19:06.000 So it didn't kill your appetite at all.
00:19:09.000 Or you would do a line right before bed, and then you would conk out.
00:19:14.000 You would go to sleep.
00:19:16.000 So all the stuff they cut it with, speed or whatever, dexedrin and baby laxative and all this stuff, that's what keeps you up.
00:19:25.000 That's what deviates your septum and turns Artie Lange's nose into a used sock.
00:19:34.000 It's all the additives, I believe.
00:19:37.000 You would do a line and it's known to increase the desire but hurt the performance and you could do a line and the performance would be improved.
00:19:46.000 If I can be subtle.
00:19:47.000 You would not affect turgidity.
00:19:52.000 So it was just like a great thing that you would have.
00:19:55.000 I remember this, that Jason guy, such a weird lifestyle.
00:19:58.000 I'd be, he would do construction.
00:20:00.000 He would help.
00:20:01.000 He was a foreman.
00:20:01.000 So rich people would ask him, I want to build a house here on the water, but I don't know how to talk to these contractors.
00:20:08.000 So he would facilitate it all.
00:20:10.000 And I remember I'd just be sitting there on the porch and he would run in, do a bump, do a shot and run out and go back to work.
00:20:19.000 Several times a day that's just life down there is you do bumps you have a joint in your mouth you you do a shot Everyone has a buzz at all times.
00:20:29.000 In fact, I remember now there was this German dude who died of a hangover He had just been herring the hair of the dogging for five years and when he finally Quit he went into shock and had a heart attack and croaked
00:20:48.000 But yeah, that cocaine that year was one of the best experiences of my life, I'm afraid.
00:20:55.000 It was so fun.
00:20:57.000 So, uh, we would do that in the 90s, go down there, and I don't know how many times I'd be in San Jose, or even in Montezuma, and you'd be talking to a guy, and just like that black dude, you know, it'd get weird when it was time not to be friends anymore, like, I don't know, time to go home to bed, I'm not marrying you. 0.98
00:21:16.000 And we go, alright, well, we're gonna head out, man.
00:21:18.000 Talking to some guy who hadn't spoken to Americans in, you know, a month.
00:21:23.000 And he hadn't spoken English in a month.
00:21:25.000 And, uh, he'd go, we'll see you again soon.
00:21:29.000 You know, not ask for his number.
00:21:30.000 We're just in a bar, dude.
00:21:31.000 I'm not gay.
00:21:33.000 And, uh, he'd go, yeah, sure you will!
00:21:36.000 Yeah, sure! 0.99
00:21:37.000 You don't give a shit about me! 1.00
00:21:39.000 Uh-oh. 1.00
00:21:43.000 And, you know what?
00:21:45.000 Why am I here?
00:21:46.000 I don't even know why I'm here.
00:21:49.000 Who has a kid?
00:21:51.000 I'm starting to sound like Bill Cosby.
00:21:54.000 Who has a kid with the jello pudding pops?
00:21:58.000 Who has a kid out on the street at, what, two in the morning?
00:21:58.000 No.
00:22:04.000 Fucking racial expletive. 1.00
00:22:06.000 They're just letting their kids play all night. 1.00
00:22:08.000 It's called bedtime for fuck's sakes. 0.99
00:22:12.000 Jesus and you realize this guy was probably in I don't know California and he hit a black kid killed him and Then just kept driving and has lived there ever since Like one of the guys down there, I know we'll call him Jay 0.99
00:22:33.000 And he looked after our house down there, which costs a fortune.
00:22:36.000 That's sort of the subtext here.
00:22:37.000 I know not a lot of people own homes in the tropics, but don't do it!
00:22:44.000 It's super expensive.
00:22:46.000 I just sold all my property because I hate having extra houses.
00:22:50.000 It feels audacious no matter how much money you have.
00:22:52.000 There's something about and you know in Canada you grow up like this with a cottage but unless it's a shack it just feels weird to turn the lights off in a three-story house and turn the heating down and turn the water off so the pipes don't explode and then just have a home sitting there empty
00:23:09.000 Until next week, or next month.
00:23:11.000 Just a home, just sitting there.
00:23:13.000 That's just wrong.
00:23:15.000 I don't know, that just feels weird.
00:23:18.000 Now, you say, well, why don't you have the homeless stay there? 0.99
00:23:19.000 Obviously, that's ridiculous, and they trash the place. 0.84
00:23:21.000 Even my friends, when I let them stay there, there was major problems. 0.95
00:23:25.000 But, you know, when they hear, oh, she's got a home in St.
00:23:28.000 Thomas, and she has a home in Paris, and you just think, why don't you just rent a place when you want to go to Paris?
00:23:33.000 Like, I was paying 200 bucks a month to this caretaker,
00:23:37.000 So by the end of the year, I'm up to, what, $2,400 or whatever?
00:23:42.000 That's an awesome vacation house I could have had.
00:23:45.000 And I'm not including all the taxes and the bills and the headaches and, oh, the pump broke, and we gotta, you know, there's a hole in the roof, we gotta fix that.
00:23:53.000 It was a solar house.
00:23:55.000 It was made by this hippie dude who worships some baba, Sikh guru, whatever.
00:24:00.000 And it was all solar, and so I lived in a solar home, which blows giant chunks 0.98
00:24:06.000 God, it sucks!
00:24:08.000 It's like someone gives you an allowance of $2 a day, and you have to buy rice and a potato or something, and you just starve to death. 0.96
00:24:14.000 Like, if you use the washing machine, which was tiny and could wash one sock, if you use the washing machine that day, you couldn't use, uh, you couldn't have Christmas lights on that night, or your music had to be all batteries. 1.00
00:24:27.000 So stupid! 1.00
00:24:28.000 The fridge was powered with propane. 1.00
00:24:32.000 The solar panels can't do anything.
00:24:34.000 Eventually we got some money and we got we got more money I should say because we had money when we bought the place and we got wiring and and city water not pumped up from the river and we bought a pool had a pool put in and of course solar couldn't even dream of handling any of that.
00:24:50.000 But um yeah Jay he was a fascinating guy.
00:24:55.000 I could do a whole book about this guy.
00:24:57.000 Let me just tell you about his life.
00:24:59.000 So he grew up in Chicago.
00:25:03.000 Normal kid, just like you and me.
00:25:05.000 Big guy.
00:25:07.000 Tough guy.
00:25:08.000 But middle class.
00:25:10.000 And in the 80s, there was a weird thing where punk was like Satanism.
00:25:16.000 And everyone was scared of their kids turning into punk rockers.
00:25:20.000 And there was a scam going on, Rolling Stone, back when it was good, they wrote about this really well.
00:25:25.000 There was a scam going on where your insurance would cover your kids going to a mental institution. 0.95
00:25:32.000 And a lot of parents, shitty parents, realized that it was cheaper to send your kids off to institutionalize them, it was cheaper than keeping them at home. 0.97
00:25:41.000 And because there was a financial incentive from these centers, because of this insurance thing, 0.99
00:25:46.000 They would sort of push out this propaganda that you know your son if you catch him listening to suicidal tendencies Or wearing a black t-shirt or the dead Kennedy's you should send him away or he's gonna start worshiping Satan and kill your whole family and You know dumb people would fall for this and again sometimes parents 0.98
00:26:05.000 Like, you think if you did that to a bear? 0.99
00:26:07.000 If you said, we're taking away your cub, ma'am.
00:26:09.000 It's, uh, it wore a black t-shirt. 0.80
00:26:11.000 The bear would just eat your face. 0.88
00:26:13.000 It would hit your head off, like, t-ball.
00:26:16.000 Like, it wouldn't even, it wouldn't even stop chewing whatever it was chewing.
00:26:18.000 It'd just be like, no, we're not doing that, and just send your head flying through the air.
00:26:23.000 But humans, no, we can be convinced to give up on our children.
00:26:27.000 So anyway, it was during that era and his parents caught him listening to, I don't know, suicidal tendencies or smoking a marijuana cigarette, they caught him.
00:26:36.000 So they sent him to rehab first.
00:26:41.000 He's about 13 and he has to go to rehab because he got caught with a marijuana cigarette.
00:26:47.000 And then
00:26:48.000 He comes back and in rehab he learns about this thing called drugs that he wasn't really familiar with and there's a thing called coke and there's a thing called heroin and speed and LSD and oh it sounds fascinating and all these people at rehab would tell him about how awesome it all is.
00:27:03.000 So he comes back interested in drugs at 14 and so his parents catch him with another joint and they go all right so now we have a serious drug addict on our hand.
00:27:14.000 So they sent him to military school
00:27:17.000 Alright, so now you've taught this kid drugs, and you've taught this kid discipline, and how to fight, and mental toughness, and organization.
00:27:26.000 You just made the best drug dealer in the world!
00:27:29.000 Way to go, Dad!
00:27:31.000 So he comes back to Chicago and he's going to college and he becomes one of the top coke dudes in the city. 1.00
00:27:41.000 And his talent was, I can speak black.
00:27:45.000 So I'll go to the hood, I'll go to the south side and I'll get all these guys to sell me their kilos and then they'll like it because I can go talk to the rich white kids and sell them that and set us up with dealers and stuff like that. 0.61
00:28:00.000 So, he was able to speak to both cultures.
00:28:07.000 He was the ambassador of cocaine.
00:28:09.000 And so he was a major player in the South Side with the black gangs, and he was also a major player with the bourgeoisie up in the North. 0.79
00:28:18.000 And he said, you know, at the peak of it, he was living with two other dudes and there was a pile of cocaine on the kitchen table that was like a basketball, as big as a basketball.
00:28:30.000 And you would just walk by, do a scoop, on your way out.
00:28:35.000 I mean, this guy must have done a mountain of cocaine over the years.
00:28:39.000 So, he also had all the cops paid off. 0.96
00:28:44.000 And he gets a call that goes, shit's about to go down, get rid of everything. 0.97
00:28:49.000 So he does. 0.99
00:28:51.000 And he quits dealing coke.
00:28:54.000 And then he starts growing pot just for fun.
00:28:57.000 But because he's so disciplined, and he's so good at his job, that what starts out as two plants for fun ends up being a house rented
00:29:05.000 With just, like, Ikea furniture and lights, time to go on and off, and a TV, but it's all just a grow house.
00:29:12.000 No one lives there.
00:29:13.000 He just goes and checks the whole basement is plants.
00:29:15.000 Then he gets another tip.
00:29:17.000 Uh, dude, what are you doing?
00:29:18.000 I told you the heat is on and you're- it's a year later and you're back on.
00:29:23.000 Now it's just pot.
00:29:23.000 That's still bad.
00:29:24.000 It's 80s Reagan stuff.
00:29:27.000 You go to jail for 10 years for pot.
00:29:30.000 So he gets rid of all his plants overnight, and then they kick down the door the next day, and they see all the growing equipment.
00:29:39.000 Now, back in the 80s, that was still a big deal.
00:29:42.000 We're up to the late 80s now.
00:29:45.000 Even having a grow plant.
00:29:46.000 I remember in Rolling Stone there was some story about a janitor who bought his kid a grow plant, a grow light, not even knowing what it is.
00:29:54.000 And he ended up, I don't know, 10 years in prison, and he's never smoked marijuana in his life.
00:29:59.000 So that's the kind of hysteria we were in.
00:30:01.000 It'll sound weird to millennials today, where if you got caught with a house full of pot, dealing bails of it, you'd probably get a couple years worse, especially if it was your first offense.
00:30:13.000 So he goes, hmm, I can go to trial and risk ten years and the lawyer was saying it's like a one in two chance you'll get ten years or I could just leave.
00:30:24.000 So he left and he became our buddy down there and ended up looking after my house and
00:30:32.000 Uh, you know, we had some great talks with him.
00:30:35.000 And it was really interesting because he would, I'd laugh at him all the time because he'd talk about how he's in jail.
00:30:41.000 Because he doesn't have a passport, no one knows his real name, if his mother dies he can't visit her.
00:30:44.000 And I'd go, oh poor baby, you're here in this tropical paradise.
00:30:48.000 And he goes, dude, I know you can't understand this, but jail is jail.
00:30:53.000 Of course this isn't as bad as Alcatraz. 0.93
00:30:55.000 Of course I like not getting raped and stabbed.
00:30:58.000 But there is something intense about not having your personal freedom.
00:31:02.000 And I got arrested for headbutting a guy.
00:31:06.000 In New York, and I only spent four hours in the clink.
00:31:10.000 And it was, they gave me a cool clink because they liked that I beat up a dude who beat up a woman.
00:31:15.000 And so I wasn't down with the animals in the cages on the bottom floor.
00:31:19.000 I was up in like a Barney Miller, you know that 70s show?
00:31:26.000 I was in the cell next to their desk and I could hang my hands out and hear them riff and stuff.
00:31:31.000 It was actually kind of fun.
00:31:32.000 But when there was the clink,
00:31:35.000 of course.
00:31:51.000 That little molecule of what it's like to be a prisoner.
00:31:54.000 There's something about that click that's hard to explain.
00:31:57.000 It's like a primal, this doesn't feel right. 0.93
00:32:01.000 It's like being gay when you're not gay. 0.82
00:32:03.000 There's just like, if a man was kissing your neck, you'd go, uh, no, no, no, no, that's not, you're not supposed to do that. 0.92
00:32:09.000 I don't like that.
00:32:11.000 It's like being molested.
00:32:13.000 Uh, it feels weird.
00:32:14.000 So I, I get what he is talking about now.
00:32:17.000 Um... So, what he did was he just got in the car and he drove all the way from Chicago to Montezuma.
00:32:27.000 And he learned Spanish perfectly without an accent.
00:32:29.000 By the way, we make the best immigrants, do we not? 0.99
00:32:33.000 Like when we go to Japan or something, we're like, uh, I'm sorry to bother you, but is it... ...or... And they're like, no, means your mother's a whore. 0.99
00:32:45.000 ...is dumpling. 0.99
00:32:47.000 Oh, okay.
00:32:47.000 Yeah, like, you meet Puerto Ric- no.
00:32:49.000 Well, actually, Puerto Ricans are a great example. 1.00
00:32:51.000 There are Americans born here with accents.
00:32:53.000 What?
00:32:54.000 I gotta go to the bat room?
00:32:55.000 What's a bat room? 0.77
00:32:57.000 It's gonna be about Pai Mini.
00:32:59.000 That's how you say five minutes?
00:33:01.000 Pai Mini?
00:33:02.000 Jushu Gabiba!
00:33:04.000 That's- you should have got a minivan.
00:33:06.000 It- with Puerto Ricans, they just make every letter B. It's easier. 1.00
00:33:10.000 So an M, a P, a T, it's all B.
00:33:14.000 Or, you know, any other immigrant. 0.98
00:33:16.000 I talked about this on Joe Rogan's thing, I think, where the guy's like, Where you from?
00:33:21.000 How long you been here?
00:33:23.000 Forty years.
00:33:35.000 Jason learned Spanish in about eight months and was fluent without an accent within before a year and a half.
00:33:44.000 So he would go down there and he would just work on rich people's homes.
00:33:47.000 He would mow their lawn.
00:33:48.000 He said there was one lawn that was so huge that he would mow it and by the time he was done the end, the beginning needed to be mowed.
00:33:55.000 So he just mowed a lawn for every day.
00:33:59.000 There was a fascinating guy there.
00:34:01.000 There was a hippie who was there in the early 80s.
00:34:04.000 And he would go to that one tiny store.
00:34:07.000 There was one store in town.
00:34:08.000 And he would buy drinks in a cooler.
00:34:12.000 And he would walk up and down the beach selling other hippies.
00:34:17.000 It's always been populated.
00:34:19.000 Selling other hippies these drinks. 0.85
00:34:22.000 And uh...
00:34:25.000 He eventually would accrue more and more money, then he built a cabin, and then he built a house, and then he became the Donald Trump of Montezuma.
00:34:32.000 He owned the main restaurant and the main hotel that everyone would stay in, the fancy one.
00:34:36.000 Like, eventually I started bringing my parents down and our friends, and in 1999, when we bought the house, we had a whole, we had like a hundred people come.
00:34:45.000 And you'd stay at his.
00:34:46.000 It was called, like, Los Bananas or something?
00:34:49.000 I can't remember.
00:34:51.000 And he became sort of mobile, very Christian dude, beautiful Scandinavian wife.
00:34:56.000 It was a great little story there.
00:34:59.000 No, it was gentrification.
00:35:01.000 He took away the culture of the place.
00:35:04.000 No, he was an awesome guy.
00:35:05.000 And he had, it's so dangerous down there, that he had armed guards with M16s.
00:35:12.000 Like it was Escobar.
00:35:14.000 So you would walk by his house, because it was along the beach, and you'd see it through the trees, and there'd just be two guys with machine guns.
00:35:22.000 Someone still managed to rob him and oh no this was before the machine gun guys I wasn't there for this but I was told that someone tried to rob him so what he did was he wrote thief whatever that is in Spanish on a piece of paper tied it around the guy's neck and then he duct-taped him to a hand trolley to a dolly and just marched him through town and everyone screamed at him and he just humiliated the guy and had him sit there baking in the Sun like that's how you would handle stuff back then
00:35:52.000 It was a lot of hippies, a lot of eco-tourism.
00:35:55.000 So anyway, Jay would look after these guys.
00:35:59.000 And eventually he moved up the ladder to foreman.
00:36:03.000 And he would help them build stuff and build 3 million dollar homes.
00:36:07.000 Massive homes!
00:36:09.000 You know, people who were great granddaughters of the guy who discovered oil.
00:36:15.000 Basically the Daniel Day-Lewis milkshake guy.
00:36:19.000 And I had this intern staying when I first left Vice and I was at Street Carnage.
00:36:25.000 She was an African-American woman of color.
00:36:28.000 And her dad was a lawyer.
00:36:32.000 She was rich.
00:36:33.000 Her dad was a lawyer who died in a helicopter crash.
00:36:38.000 And all his friends, all his black rich lawyer friends, obviously felt terrible and they took her in and she was doing fine.
00:36:46.000 You know, as fine as you can be.
00:36:48.000 And this had happened when she was probably like 15 or 16.
00:36:50.000 She was 21 now.
00:36:52.000 And they kept saying, what can we do for you?
00:36:54.000 We're lawyers.
00:36:54.000 We can do anything you want.
00:36:56.000 And she goes, she said to me, I'm young.
00:36:58.000 Like, what am I going to do?
00:36:59.000 I want something copyrighted.
00:37:02.000 Like I don't, I'm not going to need anything legal done for another 15 years.
00:37:07.000 And these guys won't shut up and they feel so terrible about what happened to my dad and I feel bad for them because I don't have any favors I need.
00:37:14.000 And she goes, do you have anything?
00:37:16.000 Of course, I have 10 million things.
00:37:19.000 And I said, what about my buddy Jay?
00:37:21.000 He has been on the lam since 1990, I believe.
00:37:24.000 He's been on the lam since the early 90s.
00:37:27.000 And he doesn't know what his status is.
00:37:36.000 He would ask, every time he would, you know, work on a house, he'd say to one of these millionaires, Hey, when you're back in, in Chicago or whatever, can you look up my file?
00:37:44.000 And they would come back and they'd say, yeah, we looked up your file and it is bad.
00:37:50.000 Yeah.
00:37:50.000 You're more wanted now, actually.
00:37:53.000 I don't know why, but the grow lights that's, and now you're, you're seen as like having run from the law.
00:37:58.000 So you were one of the most wanted actually. 0.99
00:38:00.000 And you go, damn it. 0.99
00:38:02.000 I think my mother might be dying. 1.00
00:38:03.000 I want to talk to her.
00:38:05.000 Sometimes he would call his parents when he was drunk late at night.
00:38:07.000 It'd be a weird collect call. 0.98
00:38:11.000 And by the way, parents, you screwed up. 0.58
00:38:13.000 Just so you know. 0.61
00:38:14.000 You messed up with all that rehab.
00:38:16.000 You sent a 13-year-old to rehab? 0.98
00:38:17.000 What the hell's the matter with you?
00:38:18.000 God, I love how people rely on the state. 0.94
00:38:22.000 You know, here in the burbs, there's this thing going on with kids where boys are getting bad grades for being badly behaved.
00:38:31.000 So the teachers say, you know, if you could go to a doctor, a psychiatrist, school one or whatever, and have him diagnosed with ADHD, then it's a disease, his bad behavior, his rambunctious behavior.
00:38:47.000 In other words, being a little boy.
00:38:49.000 If he could get diagnosed with ADHD, then I can't, I can't fault him for that because it's a disease.
00:38:57.000 Oh, okay.
00:38:57.000 I'm going to go get that then.
00:38:59.000 And then they go to the doctor and the doctor says, all right, well, he's going to need Adderall or Ritalin to combat this disease that he has called being a boy.
00:39:07.000 This disgusting, horrible disease where he wants to go pew pew and play cops and robbers.
00:39:12.000 So we're going to kill that urge in him and try to just make him stare catatonic at the teacher like a robot, like a Pink Floyd video. 0.98
00:39:20.000 And I'm not talking about some weird case.
00:39:22.000 I'm talking about a general trend in America.
00:39:25.000 And so the state makes you make your kid a speed addict because Adderall is methamphetamines.
00:39:35.000 Great.
00:39:35.000 Way to go.
00:39:36.000 Why do we do that?
00:39:37.000 Again, you go up to a bear and say, Hey, excuse me, bear.
00:39:40.000 Can I give your cub speed?
00:39:44.000 And your head is soaring through the air.
00:39:50.000 So, she takes his case, he finally tells me his real name, and people had screwed this guy over so bad in the past.
00:39:58.000 I remember he paid one dude $10,000 to provide him with a fake passport, and the guy just kept the money, spent it at restaurants, and then gave him a found passport, and said, go glue your face in that.
00:40:11.000 Yeah, that's not how it works, dude.
00:40:13.000 They have to go swipe, beep, beep, beep, through a thing.
00:40:16.000 It's not the 1910s.
00:40:19.000 Anyway, so she looks up the file and it says, uh, case dismissed and has been dismissed for five years.
00:40:28.000 Uh, so he'd been on the lam for five years he didn't have to be on the lam for.
00:40:33.000 And meanwhile, he's fallen in love and made a baby.
00:40:38.000 So I come back and I go, dude, your case is clear.
00:40:43.000 You're a free man.
00:40:44.000 In fact, you've been a free man for five years.
00:40:47.000 And he was so fucking mad at all these rich people who had been lying to him because it's such an asset and you save so much money having an American be the go-between and to hassle them and negotiate them down.
00:41:05.000 That's been, that's been worth hundreds of thousands of dollars to them. 0.91
00:41:10.000 So they didn't want Jay to know that he was a free man.
00:41:14.000 Isn't that sinister?
00:41:16.000 Isn't that so dark?
00:41:19.000 Like you're, I'm scared of you.
00:41:20.000 I don't want you near my kids.
00:41:22.000 You have no morals at all.
00:41:25.000 You kept a man in a tropical jail because he was good at facilitating your luxury.
00:41:32.000 So Jay went to I think it was Argentina with his wife and their kid and I don't know I think he their marriage fell apart because he was too free.
00:41:45.000 You know that must have chipped away his soul knowing with his wife that he could never leave and if she was mad at him she could just take the kid at any given moment and he'd have no rights.
00:41:55.000 So, they're divorced now.
00:41:58.000 He lives in America.
00:42:01.000 He's back in Chicago.
00:42:02.000 I think he went to his mom's funeral.
00:42:05.000 I think he remarried and he sees his daughter, you know, across the world.
00:42:09.000 This makes my stomach churn, by the way, the thought of having my daughter on the other end of the planet and seeing her for a couple months, a year.
00:42:17.000 I would blow my head off.
00:42:20.000 One time at my place upstate, I was building a play set for about five days.
00:42:26.000 My wife was with her mother in Wisconsin.
00:42:29.000 And I pretended that I was a divorced dad.
00:42:32.000 And I was building this thing to make the time when they visit me more fun.
00:42:38.000 And I was crying as I was building this thing.
00:42:41.000 My heart goes out to you, divorced dads. 0.99
00:42:43.000 That must suck. 1.00
00:42:45.000 Rotten eggs. 1.00
00:42:47.000 These divorced dads get the kid on Wednesday and then every second weekend?
00:42:53.000 I mean, I could have your kids that much and they wouldn't call me dad.
00:42:58.000 Like, that's a fun uncle.
00:43:00.000 That's like a cool friend.
00:43:02.000 That's how often you see a cool friend.
00:43:05.000 Is every second weekend and every Wednesday for dinner.
00:43:09.000 Kids get home, they've got homework.
00:43:10.000 You don't really see them during the week.
00:43:12.000 They only have like an hour or two, at the most.
00:43:16.000 Anyway, yeah, Montefuma, Coco Rica.
00:43:21.000 There was one weird story here, and I don't want to get sued, so I'll try to be diplomatic, but I think Juan, I think Juan Phoenix, River Phoenix's dad, I believe the way it went with them was the mom was big on, let's get these kids acting.
00:43:34.000 I want them to become famous movie stars.
00:43:37.000 And Juan's the opposite.
00:43:38.000 He's like, the big saying there is a pura vida in Costa Rica, pure life.
00:43:43.000 Like, it's like, I remon, don't worry about it.
00:43:47.000 So, uh, he didn't like the idea of the kids being famous celebrities.
00:43:52.000 And they eventually split because of that.
00:43:54.000 So the mom would drive them like workhorses to every audition in LA. 0.99
00:43:59.000 And then in Costa Rica, everything was groovy.
00:44:02.000 And Joaquin and Riverwood frolic and Rain Phoenix was there.
00:44:05.000 She's incredibly hot. 1.00
00:44:07.000 And they would just hang out and party.
00:44:10.000 We were kind of mean to them, I will say.
00:44:12.000 Canadians are not impressed by celebrity.
00:44:14.000 We were sort of raised to have disdain for it.
00:44:17.000 So I remember meeting Joaquin and my buddy.
00:44:21.000 We pretended we were Italian.
00:44:22.000 We didn't speak English.
00:44:23.000 I remember the local millionaire was so pissed at us.
00:44:27.000 I heard you were mean to Joaquin!
00:44:30.000 He held his brother dying in his arms, dude!
00:44:33.000 Whoa, whoa, chill.
00:44:36.000 But here's the story I got.
00:44:39.000 There was one of the nieces and nephews, whatever, or grandsons, was sick, and they don't do blood transfusions.
00:44:48.000 And the kid got sicker and sicker, and eventually in Montezuma they go, we gotta drive him to San Jose.
00:44:55.000 And it's about a six hour drive, if you time the ferry right.
00:45:01.000 And on this drive, the child
00:45:06.000 Now, there's nowhere to stop along the way.
00:45:08.000 It's like if you stop in some of these towns, there's this town Pontarinas, which is just... I mean, it's like something out of the Bible.
00:45:17.000 I saw a man living with seagulls.
00:45:20.000 He looked like Jesus.
00:45:22.000 He had a diaper on, like a... not a diaper, but like a loincloth.
00:45:26.000 And when there was garbage thrown down or bread, he would fight with them for the bread or the rotten fish.
00:45:32.000 He was basically a feral man living as a seagull.
00:45:37.000 So that's Puntarenus in a nutshell.
00:45:39.000 He's not unusual.
00:45:41.000 So were you gonna stop there?
00:45:42.000 Hey seagull man, can you help me here?
00:45:45.000 My child's dead.
00:45:47.000 So they just kept driving.
00:45:49.000 And they drove all the way to San Jose with a child in the back of the station wagon wrapped in blankets.
00:45:57.000 So, there was fun parties there, but there was also murder.
00:46:03.000 And I would come back, you know, in August, and I'd say to Jason, the guy with the tattoos, so what's the gossip?
00:46:11.000 It would take a few drinks, you know.
00:46:13.000 With gossip, you gotta lube them up.
00:46:15.000 And after a couple of whiskeys, he'd start telling me the gossip, and my hair would turn white, because that story was not unusual.
00:46:21.000 There was another story when we were down there.
00:46:22.000 There was this Dutch guy, and his... Everyone did coke, some people did crack. 0.99
00:46:31.000 I remember this dude, Mike, he leans over to me at dinner, and he was just like, he would just do a line so he wouldn't have to eat, and he would hold his beer gut, and he goes, Gavin, man,
00:46:40.000 No matter how much coke I do, I just cannot get rid of this gut.
00:46:45.000 Nice diet plan.
00:46:46.000 So this kid comes down, the Dutch guy's son.
00:46:50.000 So the Dutch guy is probably like my age, 47.
00:46:52.000 The kid would be 22 or whatever.
00:46:55.000 And the kid starts doing crack and he says to his mom, um, hey mom, I've been doing crack and I've been losing tons of weight.
00:47:03.000 You should try it.
00:47:04.000 So now these two Dutch, the woman and the son, are smoking crack all the time. 1.00
00:47:10.000 And getting super high!
00:47:12.000 And the dad notices that they're staring at him weird. 0.99
00:47:15.000 Now, if you're doing a lot of crack, you think people are trying to kill you and you want to kill them as a preemptive strike.
00:47:21.000 That's why you should never engage the homeless. 0.99
00:47:24.000 That's why, by the way, these guys in Oregon who got killed by that lunatic Bernie bro who was screaming at the Muslim. 0.65
00:47:33.000 My heart goes out to their friends and families. 0.94
00:47:35.000 Horrible tragedy, but
00:47:37.000 You gotta have some street smarts.
00:47:39.000 And the woman with the hijab had already left. 0.81
00:47:41.000 So, don't confront him.
00:47:43.000 Cause he sees demons.
00:47:45.000 He sees monsters come at him, not you trying to be reasonable.
00:47:49.000 The Clint Eastwood movie, what's it called?
00:47:52.000 1517?
00:47:52.000 The 1517 to Paris?
00:47:54.000 That's different.
00:47:54.000 That was a terrorist with a machine gun who was about to kill tons and tons of people.
00:47:58.000 They prevented many deaths.
00:48:01.000 The guys in Oregon, they
00:48:03.000 I'm afraid they facilitated two deaths, their own.
00:48:06.000 That's my two cents.
00:48:08.000 Sorry. 0.98
00:48:11.000 So this crackhead mother and son are high out of their minds. 0.99
00:48:17.000 And the dad starts saying, I'm getting nervous and I'm going to be killed. 0.98
00:48:22.000 And if I do get killed, I want you to investigate my son and my wife.
00:48:27.000 So anyway, a few days go by after that strange warning.
00:48:32.000 And he dies of a heart attack.
00:48:36.000 He had locked himself in his bedroom and he could hear that his wife and his son were trying to come in to kill him and he got so scared he had a heart attack and died.
00:48:48.000 So that's the gossip in Montefuma, Coco Rica.
00:48:52.000 Infanticide and patricide.
00:48:58.000 I mean, and there'd be people that would just disappear.
00:49:01.000 This one woman got arrested because she got caught smoking pot. 1.00
00:49:04.000 I remember I met this one guy there, and I go, so you were here with your whole family?
00:49:09.000 Yeah, I was here.
00:49:11.000 My wife's Latina. 0.98
00:49:12.000 We just had a baby, and her parents don't like me.
00:49:14.000 They don't like white people or whatever.
00:49:16.000 I go, OK.
00:49:18.000 I understand that.
00:49:19.000 Been there.
00:49:20.000 And he says, yeah, so they left. 1.00
00:49:24.000 I mean, my wife's a total pussy. 1.00
00:49:26.000 Can you imagine that sentence ever coming out of your mouth? 1.00
00:49:30.000 His wife and his newborn baby, by the way, what are you doing taking a newborn baby to hell?
00:49:36.000 To the weirdest place in the world. 1.00
00:49:38.000 He, uh, CEO goes, yeah, she's a wimp. 1.00
00:49:47.000 And so he let his wife and his son and the parents leave. 0.90
00:49:56.000 And he stayed.
00:49:58.000 And I go, that doesn't compute.
00:50:00.000 What's your plan?
00:50:01.000 And he goes, look man, the whole world, all of America, Spanish is the number one growing language.
00:50:07.000 If my son's going to have a future, I should learn it.
00:50:10.000 So I'm just going to stay here.
00:50:12.000 I like surfing.
00:50:13.000 And I'm going to learn Spanish so I can teach my son Spanish.
00:50:17.000 So that'll take, what, a year?
00:50:19.000 So you won't be around for the first year of your son's life?
00:50:21.000 I mean, these are the kind of loonies you meet down there.
00:50:27.000 And it is paradise.
00:50:28.000 It is beautiful.
00:50:28.000 The food is amazing.
00:50:29.000 Well, the food's disgusting as far as locals go, but there's like, there's these Italians who have a restaurant called Amore di Mare where they make this crazy food that would make your head pop off. 1.00
00:50:39.000 And so that's wonderful.
00:50:42.000 But if you want to go somewhere, just save up a bunch of money and then rent a mansion and you'll still be way farther ahead than just the core costs you spent over the year.
00:50:54.000 And by the way, owning somewhere,
00:50:57.000 In another country, the neighbors are going to move their fence over a foot and then plant tomatoes or something in that accrued foot.
00:51:05.000 So when you go to court and you say, hey, can you tell him to move his fence back?
00:51:08.000 They'll go, well, his food is on that side now, and a man needs food to survive.
00:51:13.000 So we're going to leave those fences there until your backyard is just a line, just a sliver.
00:51:19.000 So don't do it.
00:51:21.000 Just rent. 0.97
00:51:23.000 Owning a second property is a dumb idea. 0.98
00:51:25.000 It feels wrong because it is wrong. 0.97
00:51:29.000 There's no way you can be more financially ahead when you own property somewhere. 0.99
00:51:33.000 It's just a dumb investment. 0.76
00:51:34.000 And yeah, I guess I made 50 grand over the course of 10 years, sort of. 0.97
00:51:39.000 But when you subtract the 200 a month, the cost of the pool, the new pumps and everything, I bet I made like $25,000.
00:51:46.000 Oh, from 1999 to 2016.
00:51:48.000 Now, I could have made that with Bitcoin in an hour and a half.
00:52:00.000 But it just amazes me that people have this beautiful view of the world and the different cultures and how wonderful they are.
00:52:06.000 I can only assume they haven't been there.
00:52:08.000 Or they're like Joe Strummer from The Clash who grew up rich and they go, they visit Indonesia and they have a delicious meal with wonderful servants.
00:52:18.000 You notice that, by the way, with diversity.
00:52:20.000 It's always the food.
00:52:22.000 In other words, it's always someone in a funny outfit serving me a dish.
00:52:27.000 Who are you?
00:52:28.000 The Queen of England in 1836?
00:52:30.000 You just travel the world on a bunch of pillows wearing, like, weird genie pajamas as people show up with a giant tray of food? 0.97
00:52:39.000 Which sucks, by the way! 0.99
00:52:40.000 I hate your food! 1.00
00:52:42.000 Hey, Middle East, I hate your little dishes. 1.00
00:52:45.000 Oh, have you tried the red stuff?
00:52:46.000 Yeah, it's tomato paste.
00:52:47.000 I'm not impressed.
00:52:48.000 Hummus?
00:52:49.000 Oh, you smushed some chickpeas?
00:52:50.000 Congratulations.
00:52:51.000 Meat?
00:52:52.000 Yeah, I got meat.
00:52:53.000 I got the best meat in the world.
00:52:55.000 You ever had a cheeseburger?
00:52:57.000 It's an orgasm.
00:52:58.000 You ever been to Keene's Steakhouse in New York and had a cheeseburger?
00:53:01.000 I'll start crying if I talk about it too much.
00:53:04.000 The cheese is liquefied.
00:53:07.000 You think about it for hours after.
00:53:09.000 It's like an abortion in reverse.
00:53:12.000 You know how abortion probably haunts the woman and she's sitting on the train thinking about it? 0.75
00:53:17.000 Keene's cheeseburger is that but good.
00:53:21.000 You wake up thinking about it the next day.
00:53:23.000 Like, if you have a cheeseburger at Keene's Steakhouse, you're kind of weird that night.
00:53:27.000 And people go, hey man, you okay?
00:53:30.000 And you go, what?
00:53:31.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, fine.
00:53:35.000 What's up?
00:53:35.000 Something going on?
00:53:37.000 Uh, no, I just had a hell of a lunch.
00:53:42.000 I had a hell of a lunch.
00:53:44.000 I had a cheeseburger at Kane's Steakhouse.
00:53:48.000 And then the person would just sort of touch your shoulder and go, that place where Abe Lincoln used to go?
00:53:52.000 Yeah, I know.
00:53:54.000 It's insane!
00:53:56.000 But, so they love all the food and Joe Strummer loves, you know, the world.
00:54:00.000 I'm sort of disparaged to death, but...
00:54:03.000 That's not the world. 1.00
00:54:04.000 The world sucks. 0.99
00:54:05.000 Like in Costa Rica, and most of Central America, to be handicapped is to be ashamed. 1.00
00:54:10.000 You should be ashamed of your handicapped kid because God clearly doesn't like you.
00:54:14.000 So they just keep their handicapped kids in the basement and they don't want you to see your son with cerebral palsy because God hates you, obviously. 0.99
00:54:23.000 That's primitive and disgusting and profoundly sad. 0.94
00:54:27.000 You know what they do?
00:54:28.000 You know what this eco-country does?
00:54:30.000 The home of eco-tourism?
00:54:32.000 They drive their garbage out in a tugboat from Punta Rinas into the bay and just drop it.
00:54:40.000 Maybe the fishies will eat it. 0.99
00:54:41.000 Yeah, it's not fish food, dude.
00:54:43.000 It's a flip-flop.
00:54:44.000 It's a comb. 0.99
00:54:45.000 So all of that crap washes back to Montezuma onto the beach. 0.78
00:54:50.000 So you're walking along the beach and there's, after the main touristy area, which they maintain, but you go for a little walk and it's just nothing but flip-flops and combs and shampoo bottles. 0.94
00:54:59.000 For miles.
00:55:00.000 Because they are so bad at dealing with their garbage. 1.00
00:55:03.000 Because they're totally primitive. 1.00
00:55:05.000 Because they're mostly lazy.
00:55:07.000 And maybe that's the weather.
00:55:07.000 It does get pretty hot down there.
00:55:10.000 You know another thing that happens down there is the rainy season is like being screamed at for, I don't know, four months?
00:55:19.000 It's like being in a Metallica concert where the mosh pit is falling on your house for four months. 0.61
00:55:27.000 And people go stir-crazy.
00:55:29.000 They can't leave their homes.
00:55:30.000 It's like getting pelted with paint pellets when you walk outside.
00:55:35.000 So, and the rain too, it hits the ground so hard that it floats back up again and starts coming sideways like a mist.
00:55:42.000 So you're never dry.
00:55:44.000 You're soaking wet for four months.
00:55:46.000 Now, I would never go there.
00:55:47.000 I only went there once or twice during that season.
00:55:49.000 But the people who live there, they have to go through that hell.
00:55:52.000 And they start going mental.
00:55:54.000 Because they start growing mold.
00:55:57.000 You'll have a moldy patch on your t-shirt because you've been wet for months.
00:56:03.000 And when there's finally a low, finally a low, you go to the local bar and people are tweaked out of their minds.
00:56:11.000 Hi, how are you?
00:56:12.000 Hello.
00:56:14.000 I would like a beer to have in my face. 1.00
00:56:16.000 What are your boobs? 1.00
00:56:21.000 Everyone's talking like that. 0.99
00:56:23.000 Like they just came out of solitary confinement, because they did. 0.97
00:56:27.000 So, I mean, you should visit places for a while, but everywhere sucks. 0.84
00:56:31.000 The West is the best.
00:56:33.000 And the West isn't just the best, like it's slightly better.
00:56:35.000 The West is the only one. 1.00
00:56:38.000 It's like, would you rather have sex with Jessica Alba or five dead old ladies? 1.00
00:56:45.000 Um, it's not like Jessica Alba's better than them. 0.99
00:56:48.000 The others are not an option.
00:56:50.000 I don't want to grow mold on my clothes.
00:56:52.000 And this has always been the case.
00:56:53.000 There was this Dutch couple who went down there in the 60s to Montezuma.
00:56:59.000 And there's a big preserve in Montezuma named after this woman.
00:57:02.000 You'll have to look it up on your own.
00:57:04.000 They made it beautiful and they had a life there.
00:57:08.000 I don't know why they wanted to leave the Netherlands.
00:57:10.000 What's the matter with the Netherlands?
00:57:11.000 It's in the West.
00:57:12.000 Why do you want to go to a place that's nice for a while, a steaming desert of heat,
00:57:18.000 In the dry season and then just being screamed at for four months.
00:57:21.000 I don't understand what's so great about that.
00:57:24.000 But they go, we want to preserve the environment.
00:57:26.000 So we are going to come to this place and make a reservation, which the locals don't like.
00:57:32.000 Because the locals, you know, it's like in Africa where they want to burn coal. 1.00
00:57:36.000 And the environmentalists say, no, you're going to have to stick to elephant dung.
00:57:39.000 It's what's best for the environment.
00:57:41.000 And they go, yeah, we're dying of dung diseases because we're inhaling flaming poo particles. 0.97
00:57:47.000 We'd rather just burn coal, thanks.
00:57:50.000 So the locals in Costa Rica feel that way about ecotourism.
00:57:52.000 They don't like it.
00:57:53.000 They want to sell stuff.
00:57:55.000 And so he's going around looking for new places they could build a preserve and he's telling the oil companies to screw off and they can't spend money there.
00:58:03.000 And he gets murdered! 0.72
00:58:04.000 He gets chopped up into little pieces.
00:58:06.000 And that never gets solved.
00:58:09.000 That's the 60s in Montezuma.
00:58:11.000 The 80s, 70s, 80s, we had that guy on the beach.
00:58:14.000 Driving a trolley through town in the in the 90s with thief written on a guy people riding horses like vigilantes One time I could talk about Montezuma for a hundred years one time Jay was on the beach And he got a the cops wanted to see his papers now his papers were all fake And he realized if I'm just like this is some dumb trespassing thing There'll be a domino effect where the next thing they know I'm a fugitive So he started fighting
00:58:41.000 And there was four cops.
00:58:45.000 I don't think they had guns, I can't remember.
00:58:47.000 But because he had so much to lose, he beat them up.
00:58:50.000 Right out of a Jason Statham movie.
00:58:52.000 And the fight lasted about two hours.
00:58:55.000 I mean, cops everywhere can still fight.
00:58:57.000 I know they probably don't get a lot of crime in Tokyo, but I bet you couldn't beat up a Tokyo cop.
00:59:02.000 And the fighting was dragged out into the beach.
00:59:04.000 It was up to the water, up to your chest, and then back out onto the beach.
00:59:13.000 For hours and hours and hours.
00:59:16.000 And then he had to go disappear for a little while.
00:59:19.000 So my point is that we glorify the rest of the world.
00:59:24.000 We hate the West. 0.99
00:59:25.000 We tell ourselves that this sucks. 0.98
00:59:27.000 I saw some article on Vox saying, the undiscussed long-term effects of slavery. 0.96
00:59:33.000 What?
00:59:34.000 There was what?
00:59:35.000 12 million slaves in Africa.
00:59:37.000 2 million died before they even made it out of the continent.
00:59:40.000 So 10 million shipped.
00:59:42.000 Brazil got 3 million.
00:59:43.000 We got 300,000.
00:59:45.000 We eventually lost the today's equivalent of 5 million men.
00:59:50.000 620,000 men back then fought the Civil War.
00:59:53.000 Let's end this slavery thing.
00:59:55.000 And instead, we just keep rehashing it. 1.00
00:59:57.000 We suck. 1.00
00:59:58.000 We're horrible. 1.00
00:59:59.000 Nope.
00:59:59.000 We've always been the best.
01:00:01.000 We've always been the most moral.
01:00:03.000 We've always been the most open to progress.
01:00:07.000 It's always been the best place to be for freaks, for albinos, and gays, and anyone who is an oppressed minority somewhere else is always better off here. 1.00
01:00:18.000 Yet, you have someone like Trevor Noah go, yeah, Colin Kaepernick has noticed how racist America is, even though he was abandoned by black people and adopted by white people.
01:00:30.000 America's a horrible racist place that I just emigrated to because I got an awesome job and I left apartheid South Africa behind.
01:00:39.000 Which, by the way, is no longer apartheid. 0.88
01:00:41.000 It's just reverse apartheid. 1.00
01:00:43.000 Now it's whites who are garbage there. 1.00
01:00:46.000 Way to fix it guys just pure revenge and You know, I've lived all over the world. 0.99
01:00:51.000 I lived in China I lived in England and Scotland and you know been been all over been to been to every country in Europe and I
01:01:01.000 The West is the best unequivocally beyond a shadow of a doubt, and I'm saying that through trial and error.
01:01:07.000 I had great times in Montezuma.
01:01:10.000 It was a waste of money to buy a house there, and it was a waste of money to spend all this time, all this money and maintenance trying to maintain a home there. 1.00
01:01:19.000 Stupid! 1.00
01:01:21.000 Just rent! 1.00
01:01:23.000 Accept your place as the top spot and you can go visit somewhere else. 0.99
01:01:30.000 Because everywhere else sucks. 0.91
01:01:32.000 And it reminds me of a song I wrote that I'll end on today. 0.99
01:01:38.000 It goes a little like this.
01:01:39.000 I love you China With your mountains of snow And your centuries of history Everywhere I go
01:01:51.000 And I love you Africa, with your desert so wild. 0.80
01:01:56.000 The first man came from Egypt, when he crossed the river Nile.
01:02:02.000 But stay where you are!
01:02:05.000 Stay where you are, I'll stand here strong on my land, if you stay where you are.
01:02:15.000 I also had a chorus where it goes, you can come here for a holiday, but stay where you are.
01:02:23.000 I've been trying to get a country singer to help me record that.
01:02:25.000 I got a whole chapter, I mean a whole verse about Mexico and all these other things that you're beautiful, but you're you and I'm me and we're not, we're done mixing for a while. 0.82
01:02:35.000 We're gonna stand here strong on our land, and if there's one great example that the West is the best and the rest ain't shit, it's Montefuma, Coco Rica. 0.82