In this episode, host Alex Blumberg goes over some of her favorite stories of hanging out with famous people. She's joined by Fox News host Kimberly Guilfoyle and former Playboy Playmate Michelle Pfeiffer to talk about what it's like to hang out with a celebrity, and why it's a good idea to have them as guests on your show. Alex also talks about why she thinks women who have kids are more attractive than women who don't have kids and why she's not looking for a cow catcher chin. Also, Alex talks about Scott Peterson and his relationship with his ex-wife, Lacey Peterson, and how she thinks he would kill her if they were having an affair on Christmas Eve. And why she doesn't think he'd kill his wife if they had an affair with his new wife, Kristy. And why he doesn't want her to know that he's in a new relationship with another woman who might be a 6-year-old. And how he thinks she's hot, but he doesn t want to have sex with her because she's a 6 year old. And he also doesn't know that she has a baby with another man. And that she's married to another man who's a six-year old. And that's not even close to being a six year old, and he's not talking about that, but she's talking about it. . Alex also discusses why she finds women with kids attractive, and what it means to her. and why that's a bad thing. And she also makes her think Scott Peterson is hot, and she thinks she'd be a good thing, because he's a hot girl. If you want to know why she s hot, then listen to this episode of Alex's podcast, then you need to be in a relationship with Scott Peterson s wife. , not a good one, because she s a good girl and she s not a bad one, right? And she doesn t have a problem with her kids. I don t know what else to say about her, but it s a girl who looks like she s just like that, so why not? Thanks for listening, Alex! , Alex, I love you, y'all. I love ya, yay, yeee Thank you, bye, bye! Alex - Alex , bye. xoxo, Alex -
Transcript
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00:00:00.000I met a lot of celebrities over the years.
00:01:18.000When you read this documentation of this scene and these celebrities and this event, the odds are you're not hearing it from someone who was there.
00:01:26.000In fact, the odds are the people who were there are dead.
00:01:30.000If you want to know about the early aughts in New York City, talk to Dash Snow.
00:01:49.000But it's funny, and it's a fun thing to listen to.
00:01:53.000So I'll start with one of my favorites, and those of you who have been listening to my show for a long time will have already heard all these stories.
00:02:00.000So feel free to peace out at any given moment.
00:02:03.000But I'll start with Kimberly Guilfoyle.
00:02:06.000This is one of my favorite stories, and it's actually why I decided to do this episode on celebrity encounters, because I was walking down the street yesterday and I just started laughing remembering this story.
00:02:17.000And there's few things that can do that.
00:02:20.000There's very few things where you just look at it and you chuckle.
00:02:23.000There's a reparations movement in Florida called the Uhuru Solidarity Movement.
00:02:29.000That always makes the corners of my mouth turn up.
00:02:32.000And when I see pictures of them on Instagram, it makes me smile.
00:02:40.000So, Kimberly Guilfoyle is a Fox News host.
00:02:44.000I think she might be one of the most attractive women in the world.
00:02:47.000Obviously there's prettier young girls, like there's a model I follow on Instagram called Gabriette, which might technically be the most beautiful woman in the world.
00:03:10.000So, amongst my scene, the new right and the old right, the right wing I guess I should call us, we all see Kimberly Guilfoyle as our Britney Spears.
00:03:20.000I think one guy was saying, she's the kind of hot where you would murder your family on Christmas Eve just to go out to dinner with her.
00:03:30.000I call her Scott Peterson Hot, because you would kill your wife for her.
00:03:34.000But I might have to abandon that trope, that colloquialism, because someone pointed out to me, the woman that Scott Peterson was having an affair with is like a six.
00:04:26.000We go for cute over beautiful every time and that's what Lacey Peterson had in spades That'll be a good thing if you're a slave slave dealer your motto for your slave company is we have spades in spades Sorry racist joke Yeah, he killed her on Christmas Eve while she was pregnant with his child
00:04:54.000I think he's down syndrome level dumb.
00:04:59.000He's a handsome guy, so he did good in sales, but there's certain levels of sales where all you have to do is show up and say, hi, we sell manure, okay, let's go out for lunch.
00:05:09.000I think he may have been retarded, and he just went, me like girl, girl not like me.
00:05:20.000He gets love letters in prison, by the way.
00:05:22.000Anyway, so Kimberly Guilfoyle has got Peterson hot, and I think she's dating Scaramucci now.
00:05:29.000My Nights at Columbus meetings, there's some guys there who have seen them, you know, blue-collar dudes who are writing security and stuff, see them apartment shopping.
00:05:41.000They're looking for an apartment overlooking Times Square.
00:05:52.000If I was having sex with Kimberly Guilfoyle, I would last nanoseconds.
00:05:57.000I would probably, I'd probably blow it walking up the stairs and then she'd get there in the bedroom and say, alright, should we get started?
00:06:29.000Anyway, this is a lot of tangents to get to this story.
00:06:32.000So Kimberly Guilfoyle, in my community, which is everyone right at center, is a goddess.
00:06:37.000I mean, she's just not the butt of a million jokes, but we are the butt of a million jokes about her, all the things we would do to be able to just smell one of her shoes.
00:09:29.000And so I go, all right, I guess I'll shuffle over there with my pants at my ankles, my suit pants, and what I'll do is I'll get a paper towel with freezing cold water and then tamp it.
00:09:42.000And of course I leave the rabbit barf there.
00:09:45.000And I think I said as a joke in my head, if God really hates me right now, if God's not a fan of the G, or if he's just a dick, he'll make Kimberly come storming in.
00:10:11.000And there's no changing room, I guess, in this particular green room.
00:10:14.000So she was coming into the handicap bathroom to change into her beautiful gown that framed her perfect breasts and revealed just enough of her
00:10:51.000We have a visual vocabulary for walking in on people in the bathroom.
00:10:56.000You see someone on the ball and you're facing them and they're sort of just a little bit below your eyes and you go, whoopsie, and you close it and you see like a nanosecond because your brain goes, get out of there.
00:13:30.000And I think, you know, I remember a friend, Chris Lombardi, said to me, he's the guy who started Matador Records, he said, I know you sometimes, he wasn't talking about me, he was saying in general, you feel bad about things that happen to you, but if no one got hurt, then it's just funny.
00:13:42.000I'm going to have a swig of coffee here.
00:13:46.000Out of my, get off my lawn, laser engraved mug with my face on it and the logo of the show.
00:13:54.000You can get this at CRTV if you sign up for a year.
00:14:05.000I'm going to go in order of famousness, I think.
00:14:08.000And it's funny, because after doing this, excuse me, after doing this since the early 90s, I have, every time I read the paper, I go, oh, I remember bumping into that person.
00:14:23.000In fact, in the past six months, I've become unmanageably famous with millennial men.
00:14:31.000And when I walk down the street, they stop and they gasp, or they'll yell, holy shit!
00:14:37.000And now I just sort of point to them like a gunpoint, like boop, and keep walking, because inevitably it's a selfie where they can't work their phone, but it really is annoying.
00:14:47.000And I guess I learned this at a young age.
00:14:51.000So I was a celebrity in our tiny, tiny little suburban Ottawa punk scene.
00:14:58.000And, uh, it's not like people come up to you and say, hey man, uh, in that Anal Chinook song, Pubic Lice, I noticed you say, uh, don't know where I got him, don't know how, uh, look down at my dick, look down and pow.
00:16:34.000It seems to be used to help people move, or occasionally someone buys lumber, but 99.9% of the time you see a truck, there's nothing in it.
00:17:42.000Actors and how they go for cheap Oscars by pretending to be retarded and he's talking about Sean Penn Who was a retard in that movie or Rosie O'Donnell was a retard in a movie and it's just a really cheap trick that they play that works and I think what's-his-name Ben Stiller's character overdoes it in the movie and
00:19:57.000So they had to do that, and they had to do a special screening for the Special Olympics, and the guy who ran the Special Olympics, who started this whole thing, he got a raise, and he was promoted to top of the Special Olympics.
00:20:20.000So, and isn't it funny too, like Justin Theroux, I think he's a vegan or something and he's really into dog rights and very politically correct guy.
00:20:32.000So, I'm hard pressed to think of anyone I know, famous or not, who hasn't had some sort of controversy.
00:20:39.000Like my buddy Trace was running the Twitter account for his buddy's bar, The Long Branch Inn, and Mexico was playing, I don't know, Spain or something in the World Cup, so obviously the Americans are going to vote for, are going to be backing the Mexicans.
00:20:53.000Especially if it's somewhere weird like Norway or Africa, you're going to go for Mexicans, they're right there.
00:20:59.000So he tweets out, we're all wetbacks now!
00:23:16.000Because when you're an alcoholic, booze is like coffee.
00:23:20.000And we'd hang out and have fun and she's a very cool person and very nice.
00:23:25.000And Justin and I just wanted to argue about punk rock and hardcore.
00:23:30.000He grew up punk rock so we have all that to talk about and joke about and I think she may have felt a little left out sometimes when we say, when we argue about whether the Misfits were hardcore or punk.
00:23:43.000And so I'm staying there one night and I'm hammered, believe it or not.
00:24:07.000So they have a guest room downstairs and I get into it and obviously a gazillionaire's bed is going to be the most insane bed on earth.
00:24:17.000So it's a little standalone apartment, this guest room.
00:24:19.000It's got a washer dryer, it's got a bathroom in it, a little office and looks out onto the backyard.
00:24:28.000So I go down there and I step into bed.
00:24:32.000It was like stepping into Kimberly Guilfoyle's vagina.
00:24:36.000It was the softest bed I've ever touched with my toes.
00:24:40.000There was like the normal mattress and then there was this weird sort of a mattress lining that I've never experienced that was full of angel tears and the feathers of babies.
00:24:53.000So you step in that and you go, oh my word.
00:25:15.000Like, I valued my friendship, which is over by the way, I valued my friendship with Justin a lot, but it was great for my marriage.
00:25:21.000Because my wife would go, well he's a pariah, everyone hates him, but he's friends with Jennifer Aniston, so there must be some value to him.
00:26:08.000And now I know they have a pool and I think, why don't I just put on all the piss sheets and then jump in the pool and then get out of the pool and hang them on a fence.
00:26:19.000And even if it takes like three hours of sun, that's gotta be enough to dry it now.
00:28:16.000If it was a person that was nice and compact, held together with skin and bones and you could put them over your shoulder, this is an amorphous blanket thingamajiggy.
00:28:25.000So I get it in the water and I go, what the hell am I gonna do now?
00:32:55.000But again, when you're a ghost at someone's house for five hours, it's not the hugest loss in the world.
00:33:02.000Although, I gotta say, Justin Theroux, one of the funniest guys in the world, and he did a pilot, I think it's called Documental, he wrote it.
00:33:10.000It was based on, if you check Tropic Thunder, check the extras, and they have that Steve Coogan character, the director.
00:33:18.000Justin Theroux plays a German who worships Steve Coogan, who's one of the worst directors in the world, I mean the character.
00:33:24.000But this film student in Germany doesn't agree, and he thinks Steve Coogan's a genius.
00:33:28.000So he follows around, does a documentary about him, and Steve Coogan obviously is gobbling up all the attention.
00:34:22.000Again, this wasn't my personal encounter, but there's a story where he was just hanging out with Courtney Love because she always had tons of heroin, and that was great.
00:34:32.000He started noticing in the media that she'd say, yeah, me and my boyfriend, Steve Coogan, and he'd go, uh-oh.
00:34:38.000We've all been there, right, gentlemen?
00:34:40.000When you are fornicating with a five for a long time just because it's convenient, and you realize, oops, I'm her boyfriend now.
00:34:49.000So he goes, I got to get out of this because she's starting to stalk me.
00:34:54.000And so he goes back to Britain for a few months.
00:35:46.000And he goes, he doesn't say this, but he's thinking, you know, of all the times to be pulled over, I have been drunk and high so many times.
00:35:56.000And you just pulled me over and I'm not remotely drunk.
00:38:15.000And Coogan's in a parking garage, I believe, at the time.
00:38:17.000There's no way anyone could have gotten to his car any time.
00:38:21.000And the detector goes, well, someone got to your car when you weren't looking, and they attached this, and this is how she knows where you are.
00:40:15.000It's just a book where they sat and they interviewed everyone in Motley Crue for hours and hours and hours and they transcribed it and then ordered it into a book where you get the same story from different angles in a nice, you know, non-repetitive way.
00:40:32.000So, uh, he said that his managers would, they were reading do's and don'ts on tour, and they, every time he said, I don't know if I want to mention that story, he'd say, look, look, look at what Gavin did.
00:40:42.000He said, he said this, this horrible thing.
00:40:47.000Like, uh, there was one that he mentioned where I had this hideous redneck in short shorts who's about 60, and she looks like a racist, but she's staring at this black guy, and she looks like a whore too, like her breasts are hanging out, and I have her saying something like, uh,
00:42:39.000It's like rich people dressed like British Protestants, British wasps, with their little pleated coats.
00:42:46.000They all wear this sort of bee, you know those British hunters would wear with the beeswing, bee wax, waterproof coats and the rubber boots.
00:42:55.000They all look like they have a farm in Essexshire.
00:42:58.000And they like the red hot chili peppers.
00:43:01.000It's such a strange affectation to pull.
00:49:35.000Every night, the men from that block, and in Brooklyn in the 60s and even the 70s, you would never leave your block.
00:49:42.000To leave it, to go 10 feet was an act of war.
00:49:46.000The most parochial culture since cave people.
00:49:51.000So they would sit on a garbage can and they would sing.
00:49:55.000Sometimes they'd have an oil drum, they'd light some garbage on fire to warm up, some wood, and they would sit there going, hey my baby don't care for me.
00:50:33.000Find out when Mayfield Records started, Dave.
00:50:36.000This would be like 65 or something, maybe even earlier.
00:50:39.000And this was an artist starting his own record label when the other record labels were CBS Records, Polydor, RCA, like major corporations with huge buildings devoted to them.
00:52:01.000You look up old pictures of him and you see him in a suit with his hair all straightened, posing with five other guys wearing the same suit.
00:52:08.000And he was doing a sound check and a light fixture fell on the back of his head and didn't kill him, but made him paralyzed for life.
00:52:18.000I bet that sound guy felt pretty good, huh?
00:53:16.000That's, by the way, if you get a call and you don't want to talk to the person, or you don't know who it is, but you have to answer it, because someone goes, OK, I'll call you in the next five minutes.
00:53:25.000And then you get a call from a strange number, and you think, is that him?
00:53:27.000So I like to answer it as Curtis Mayfield, and just go, hello?
00:54:58.000I mean, I should have said, look, Curtis, I'm sorry if you don't want to talk about this, I understand, but I feel like I have to ask you about the accident.
00:55:03.000That would have been a smarter way to do it.
00:55:05.000But I said, so what happened with this?
00:56:04.000And that's, whenever I think of the Celebrity Encounters graphic novel I want to do, when I learn how to draw again, I always think that should be the first story.
00:56:13.000Because that feeling was such a bad, cheap, gross, tacky feeling.
00:57:40.000Britain is sort of like, well in a way it's like Catholicism.
00:57:45.000I'm sorry to desecrate my own religion, but there's sort of the ones closer to God and then the ones farther away from God.
00:57:53.000There may be some merit to innate talent and there are people I think who were born with more skills than others and born with more potential than others, but this idea of worshipping people
00:58:10.000And, uh, I don't think we need to do it anymore.
00:58:13.000As a famous person, I'm telling you that being famous sucks, and we need to get over it as a culture, because it is a total and utter waste of time.
00:58:22.000The only thing it's good for is telling stupid stories on a podcast about explosive diarrhea.