Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - January 30, 2018


Get Off My Lawn Podcast #20 | My gay uncle just died

Topics
rural Scotland landscape drinking at a pub
Hosted by
Gavin McInnes
Mentioned
Gordon Poole Glasgow Benny Thompson Andy Strack Bruce Lee Ray Green Beatles Alan Strachan Thompson John McEntee Jeff Anders Glaswegians Glaswegian Georgie Strach Jimmy Brian Mary Catherine Ham Kiko Coco Ortiz and 21 more
Get Off My Lawn #72 | I Just Signed Your Death Warrant Get Off My Lawn #74 | Fed Up

Episode Stats


Length

47 minutes

Words per minute

179.23

Word count

8,582

Sentence count

841

Harmful content

Misogyny

30

sentences flagged

Toxicity

162

sentences flagged

Hate speech

49

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

My gay uncle who died in the closet and left behind a wife and 6 kids, and a family life that was never the same after coming out to his family, and how that affected his family and how they dealt with the aftermath of his coming out story. And how my family dealt with it. I don t have the words to describe it, but I do have a few things to say about it, so I guess you'll just have to listen to this episode to get the gist of it. I hope you enjoy it, and that it makes you think about how God screws up and makes you gay. God gives you a gift, the gift of life, and sometimes he screws up. Sorry, but it is weird to be gay. Let's cut the crap, it's not evil, it s like a sexual albino. You have these incisors, like a vegetarian lion, you have the ability to catch prey but you're not interested. You think a vagina is gross? And I kind of get that, by the way, I m not interested in a vagina, but you think a woman's boobs are gross? And I get it, I see boobs and butts, but... but you get to the vagina and they just go, but, um, let s cut the cuckoo... But, um... it s not evil. My uncle is my sister s brother, my sister's brother. He grew up in Glasgow, and he grew up... in Glasgow... in a big mansion in Glasgow. He was 6 foot 2 inches tall. He looked like a man. He looks like that way. He has a pencil thin. And he looked like that guy with a pencil mustache. He had a nice chin. He's like a guy too. I don't know what else but he's a guy who looks like a girl with a guy that looks like his name like that's a girl who took a guy with his mustache too. And he's like that. I guess we're now into the 30s and I guess it was the end of the cycle of what you'd take on ballroom dancing on Friday nights, right? And then he takes a tuxedo? And then you take a ball on a ball and takes her back to the ballroom dance and she takes her to a ball. And then she takes a guy like that, and then she's a man with her name like her name is Jack Malone.

Transcript

Transcripts from "Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 My gay uncle just died. 0.92
00:00:03.000 Pretty much everyone in this story is dead, which is why I've been waiting so long to say it, because he died in the closet.
00:00:11.000 Which is angering to me.
00:00:12.000 You know, God gives you a gift, the gift of life.
00:00:20.000 Sometimes he screws up. 0.99
00:00:23.000 It makes you gay. 1.00
00:00:24.000 Sorry, but it is weird to be gay. 1.00
00:00:27.000 Let's cut the crap. 1.00
00:00:28.000 It's not evil, it's like a sexual albino. 1.00
00:00:32.000 Like a vegetarian lion.
00:00:34.000 You have these incisors, you have the ability to catch prey, but you're not interested. 1.00
00:00:40.000 You think a vagina is gross. 1.00
00:00:43.000 And I kind of get that, by the way. 1.00
00:00:44.000 You know, it's fun to talk to gays and pitch them boobs and butts, and they go, yeah, I see it, I see it. 1.00
00:00:50.000 But you get to the vagina and they just go, 1.00
00:00:54.000 But, um, my uncle is my sister's brother. 0.97
00:00:58.000 I'm sorry, my mother's brother.
00:01:01.000 And, uh, he grew up in Glasgow.
00:01:03.000 My parents are Glaswegian.
00:01:04.000 I was born in England, but I would go to Scotland every summer and spend a lot of time with my gran, who's also deceased.
00:01:11.000 And I would consider my gran a friend.
00:01:13.000 Like, I called her and stuff all the time.
00:01:15.000 You know, I wouldn't swear when I spoke to her, but towards the end, though, every phone call was exactly the same.
00:01:21.000 Yo, Ray Gran, hi.
00:01:23.000 You getting by, you know?
00:01:25.000 And then she'd say, how are my babies?
00:01:27.000 Meaning her grandchildren.
00:01:28.000 And I'd tell her three anecdotes, one from each kid.
00:01:31.000 And then she'd say, you know, you need to record that.
00:01:34.000 You need to get that on.
00:01:36.000 Write that down.
00:01:37.000 I don't remember anything from Lorraine and Shracken.
00:01:41.000 Every single time.
00:01:42.000 And I'm saying that to say that she was losing it mentally long before she died.
00:01:50.000 And then after she died, which was probably three years ago now.
00:01:55.000 She was 96 by the way.
00:01:57.000 After she died, my uncle just started deteriorating.
00:02:00.000 He lived with her his whole life.
00:02:01.000 I remember once I was talking about mama's boys at the pub.
00:02:06.000 He goes, ah, I'm a mama's boy. 0.99
00:02:07.000 And I went, oh shit, I forgot. 1.00
00:02:10.000 Whoops. 0.99
00:02:12.000 But he was never the same, because they were like a married couple.
00:02:16.000 They lived together forever. 0.92
00:02:17.000 And I know that sounds like he was a total loser, and there's an argument to be made for that, but he wasn't a loser. 0.90
00:02:24.000 He wasn't like that guy from office space who sat there going, eh, eh, eh, my stapler. 0.95
00:02:29.000 He was like a man.
00:02:31.000 He was six foot two, breathtakingly gorgeous, stunning.
00:02:37.000 It's- every man, by the way, just so you know, wants to have black hair, be over six feet, have a strong chin, and a black mustache.
00:02:45.000 Like the guy in, uh, Super Troopers.
00:02:47.000 The packy guy.
00:02:49.000 Sorry, racial epithet.
00:02:51.000 Uh...
00:02:53.000 That's what we're all going for.
00:02:54.000 Now I have, like, wispy sand hair, no chin, and I'm 5'11 with Kermit the Frog's torso.
00:03:04.000 This didn't go great.
00:03:05.000 God screwed up with me too, Strack, so don't worry about it.
00:03:08.000 But, okay, let me just explain his life, because I think it's an interesting story.
00:03:12.000 So, my family's wor- my mom's side of the family's, uh, working class.
00:03:18.000 This is my grandmother's side, right?
00:03:20.000 Mom's mom.
00:03:22.000 Hard scrabble, French roots, worked her whole life. 1.00
00:03:25.000 My grandfather on my mom's side was rich as shit. 0.99
00:03:29.000 Minister of industry. 1.00
00:03:31.000 But when it came time for him, he just squandered it, spent it on himself.
00:03:37.000 Sorry to speak ill of my dead grandfather, but my mom's dad was kind of irresponsible.
00:03:44.000 And he grew up rich, in a big mansion, and then ended the fortune.
00:03:48.000 You know they say,
00:03:49.000 Hard times make for strong men.
00:03:52.000 Strong men make for soft times.
00:03:55.000 Soft times make soft men.
00:03:57.000 And then soft men make hard times, and so on.
00:04:00.000 And it goes in a cycle.
00:04:01.000 So, Jack Thompson was the end of the cycle.
00:04:05.000 So he marries, back then, I guess we're now into the, what, the 30s?
00:04:09.000 You would take, you'd go ballroom dancing on Fridays, whether you were rich or poor.
00:04:14.000 You put on a tuxedo, a lady put on a gown, and you took her ballroom dancing, and that's how you courted, that's how you met people.
00:04:19.000 So she meets this guy, Jack Thompson, who is breathtakingly gorgeous too, and slick back hair.
00:04:25.000 He looked like that Skip Malone guy with the pencil-thin mustache.
00:04:31.000 I forget his name.
00:04:32.000 But she took her dancing and everything was great.
00:04:36.000 And then they get married and they move in together.
00:04:38.000 This is my mom's parents. 1.00
00:04:40.000 And he just turns into a dick. 0.99
00:04:42.000 And she goes, are we going dancing, Jack? 1.00
00:04:45.000 And he goes, who would want to dance with you?
00:04:48.000 And it got worse from there.
00:04:50.000 They had money to buy a family car.
00:04:53.000 They had two little kids, my mom and my uncle, the gay guy.
00:04:58.000 And he goes and he buys a Harley Davidson for the family car.
00:05:03.000 Right hen, I'm ready!
00:05:05.000 And my grandmother goes, what are you doing, Jack? 1.00
00:05:08.000 Are you daft? 1.00
00:05:09.000 How are we going to fit the kids on this? 1.00
00:05:11.000 It's not bloody Cambodia, you know!
00:05:13.000 So he does what any smart person would do.
00:05:16.000 He gets a sidecar.
00:05:18.000 So my poor mother and my uncle would go to school in a sidecar.
00:05:22.000 This is pre-catalytic converters, where there was soot everywhere.
00:05:27.000 I mean, in Britain,
00:05:29.000 If you want to know what it's like, just go to China or anywhere Eastern European today. 0.97
00:05:32.000 You touch a wall, you touch anything, you're just black. 1.00
00:05:35.000 You go, you go, you ride your bike to a destination in China, you get there, you wash your face and hands, and then you look at the towel and there's your exact hands and your face imprinted on the white towel.
00:05:44.000 A soot.
00:05:45.000 So she would get to school with everything that wasn't covered by goggles was just filthy.
00:05:51.000 She'd show up at school, she looked like a coal miner. 1.00
00:05:55.000 They don't get along, and then my grandmother has an affair with a Jewish man in Glasgow, gets pregnant, has an abortion, they get divorced.
00:06:04.000 I'm talking 1950 here.
00:06:07.000 This is not done back then.
00:06:09.000 I might be getting the dates a little bit wrong, but that's about right.
00:06:13.000 Post-war.
00:06:16.000 Uh, so they were kind of ostracized in their community, which is maybe a good thing.
00:06:22.000 Maybe we should... Actually, I do know a woman who was divorced recently and she did say that you sort of have a stink on you here in the suburbs when you walk around. 1.00
00:06:31.000 You, like, you walk into a restaurant and there's, oh, that's the one that was divorced.
00:06:37.000 Because you represent a threat to marriage.
00:06:39.000 Maybe she's going to seduce my husband now. 1.00
00:06:42.000 I actually heard a story at a bar recently from the locals and they, you know, I live in an affluent neighbourhood now, maybe a little too affluent, like there's not enough kids on their bikes.
00:06:52.000 But what was I supposed to do?
00:06:53.000 I'll do a whole other podcast about that.
00:06:55.000 Go live in a blue-collar town and just keep all my money in the bank?
00:06:58.000 I don't know, I wanted to spend it on a nice house.
00:07:00.000 But anyway.
00:07:02.000 The country club people, they go to this party and everyone is there playing naked Wii bowling.
00:07:10.000 You know W-I?
00:07:11.000 I, whatever it's spelled, the video game?
00:07:14.000 And all these, they were all like swinging.
00:07:16.000 I'm not talking about the 70s, I'm talking about two years ago.
00:07:20.000 And all those couples got divorced.
00:07:22.000 Some guy down the street, some finance guy, I think he OD'd on Coke and died in his basement.
00:07:27.000 A lot of these finance guys are still doing blow.
00:07:31.000 An old heart can't take that.
00:07:34.000 Anyway, sorry, crazy tangent.
00:07:37.000 You're ostracized for being divorced, but it was really bad back then.
00:07:40.000 So my grandmother, now she has kids. 1.00
00:07:43.000 My mom and my uncle are like 12 and 13, and she decides, she's wasted 10 years of her life with this jerk. 0.96
00:07:50.000 He becomes this weird curmudgeon who lives in a little island called Rothsea in Scotland, where he has all his heirlooms, all his unbelievable furniture, but he's so cheap, 0.95
00:08:01.000 That he uses it for other things.
00:08:03.000 Like he had this mahogany chest of drawers.
00:08:05.000 I remember when I'd stay with him.
00:08:07.000 And they'd have like a little glass sliding thing for your cuff links.
00:08:11.000 He'd keep his meats and his cheese in there.
00:08:13.000 Because fridges were too expensive.
00:08:16.000 He built a hidden panel in the wall behind a painting.
00:08:19.000 He was a painter by the way.
00:08:20.000 Incredibly talented painter.
00:08:22.000 But he never sold them or had an art show.
00:08:24.000 And he kept all his paintings in plastic bags under the couch.
00:08:28.000 But like for realist paintings of nudes and stuff really beautiful stuff.
00:08:31.000 I wouldn't lie to you and he built a panel in the wall where He would hide his TV because in Britain you need a license to watch TV No joke you have to pay a TV licensing fee
00:08:45.000 That the British Broadcasting Corporation, the BBC, then uses to make their government-friendly programming.
00:08:51.000 It's state-controlled programming, just like in Canada, where Justin Trudeau pours money into the CBC and gets nothing but adulation, and recently Ottawa's talking about saving all the newspapers from bankruptcy, and they obviously will have to pay them back in adulation. 0.99
00:09:08.000 Socialist countries are crap. 0.99
00:09:10.000 But my grandmother, right? 1.00
00:09:14.000 It's her obligation, and I don't want to speak ill of the dead, but it's a single woman's obligation to get remarried. 0.94
00:09:21.000 Like Mary Catherine Ham, right?
00:09:22.000 Her husband died doing a charity thing on a bicycle.
00:09:25.000 She's a great gal, pretty, effervescent, intelligent. 1.00
00:09:30.000 She's got a young daughter now.
00:09:31.000 She's gotta get a man. 1.00
00:09:33.000 Cassandra Fairbanks, good friend of mine.
00:09:35.000 Gotta get a man. 0.96
00:09:37.000 You need it for the kid.
00:09:39.000 Even if I died,
00:09:40.000 I would want my wife to go through a one-year period of mourning, and then... I don't enjoy thinking about this, but... Get back on the saddle.
00:09:48.000 I want my kids to have a dad.
00:09:50.000 But my gran didn't do that. 1.00
00:09:51.000 She just went partying. 0.99
00:09:54.000 And so, I heard a rumor that she said to my mom, Man, you're only good for one thing. 0.98
00:09:59.000 Which I assume means intercourse, not dominoes.
00:10:02.000 And she was incredibly pretty, my grandmother.
00:10:05.000 Both my grandmother and my grandfather were melt-in-your-mouth gorgeous.
00:10:11.000 I was gorgeous, by the way, when I was 18, believe it or not.
00:10:15.000 So, uh, so was my mom.
00:10:17.000 So, uh, she just goes gallivanting around the country. 0.94
00:10:21.000 In Scotland, obviously, it's such a shithole that they just can't wait to go on vacation. 0.88
00:10:25.000 His funeral's in a couple weeks. 0.98
00:10:27.000 I think Muslims clog up the funeral plans because they have to be buried within 24 hours because it's their religion. 1.00
00:10:33.000 So normal people have to wait weeks to be buried. 0.74
00:10:36.000 So his body is just like rotting somewhere before we can cremate it.
00:10:39.000 Or maybe we're cremating it and the ashes are just sitting in a drawer.
00:10:42.000 Anyway.
00:10:48.000 Yeah, in Scotland, especially in the winter, it's brutal.
00:10:51.000 And when you walk down the street, Suckey Hall Street in Glasgow, all you see is signs for getaways.
00:10:57.000 200 quid a week, all inclusive!
00:10:59.000 400 pounds, two weeks, all paid in!
00:11:03.000 And big pictures of palm trees and stuff.
00:11:05.000 They just can't wait to leave.
00:11:07.000 And my gran was the same way.
00:11:08.000 She was a manager at like a Macy's, managed the whole thing, did personnel.
00:11:13.000 And made okay money like she made that she was middle-class by by the time they got cooking but every single opportunity she got she would leave and so she'd leave my mother and my uncle alone for two weeks regularly Sometimes a month actually I can't confirm a month but 0.96
00:11:31.000 Weeks and weeks she'd be gone.
00:11:33.000 So my 12 year old mom and her 14 year old gay brother would just make mac and cheese and have people over and watch their black and white one channel TV and maybe drink beers I guess.
00:11:49.000 Kind of a fun life, but kind of a tragic life.
00:11:52.000 And uh, as I got older, I think my uncle, oh my God, you know what was sexy about him?
00:11:58.000 What a waste that he didn't get some hunks in his mix. 0.89
00:12:02.000 He had, he had slick black, black hair, the slick black back with bro cream, kind of like what I'm trying to do to my hairdo, but natural.
00:12:09.000 And then he developed a white line.
00:12:13.000 The luckiest hairdo.
00:12:14.000 Every man wants it.
00:12:15.000 The supervillain white line that just goes back like a skunk.
00:12:19.000 He had that.
00:12:20.000 Just one stripe amidst the blackness.
00:12:23.000 Like what the guy in The Sopranos tries to do, but he has to cheat.
00:12:27.000 My uncle had it naturally in the middle.
00:12:29.000 Just a thin, thin white stripe.
00:12:31.000 Anyway.
00:12:33.000 My dad told me a story about how he started hanging out with these hairdressers.
00:12:37.000 This would be 1955, 60?
00:12:39.000 1965?
00:12:40.000 I don't know.
00:12:43.000 And he came home and he was leaning on the mantelpiece.
00:12:46.000 Now, Scottish people, you really get to know them at around 11 p.m.
00:12:51.000 Everyone in Scotland is drunk at 11.
00:12:52.000 That's when the pubs would close and you'd see who they are.
00:12:55.000 And Strachan was leaning on the mantelpiece, on the hearth, and he was crying.
00:13:01.000 And my dad goes,
00:13:03.000 Or Strawn, as it's occasionally pronounced.
00:13:06.000 And he goes, Jimmy, I don't know who I am.
00:13:09.000 Who am I, Jimmy?
00:13:11.000 My dad just sort of went, uh-oh.
00:13:13.000 I'm going to hit the hay there, pal.
00:13:15.000 I don't know what he said.
00:13:16.000 My dad's a reasonable person.
00:13:17.000 He probably said, you just be who you want to be, Strachan.
00:13:19.000 Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, pal.
00:13:23.000 And that was the only evidence they had for the next 60 years, up until now, where they found a note
00:13:32.000 Amongst his drawers, in his drawer's drawer, saying, uh, Sir, I can let's just get, let's tell everybody.
00:13:41.000 We don't have to live in hiding.
00:13:43.000 We don't have to lie.
00:13:45.000 We've done nothing wrong, man.
00:13:47.000 Please, please, I love you.
00:13:49.000 And that was the final confirmation.
00:13:51.000 I always knew he was gay.
00:13:53.000 I brought it up all the time, told my gran.
00:13:55.000 You know, I was a young sort of punky teenager.
00:13:58.000 I didn't see it as a bad thing.
00:14:01.000 And here's the big deal.
00:14:02.000 It wasn't a bad thing.
00:14:05.000 Sure, you got an argument in the 50s. 0.99
00:14:08.000 As a teenage gay in Scotland, you're gonna get beat up.
00:14:10.000 I mean, this is a city where you get beat up for wearing green in a Rangers neighborhood or wearing blue in a Celtic neighborhood, the rival soccer teams. 0.93
00:14:18.000 You can get beat up for smiling wrong.
00:14:20.000 You get beat up in Glasgow for having a private school uniform on. 0.99
00:14:25.000 Even if you got a scholarship and you're poor, you're a bloody student! 0.99
00:14:28.000 See you, you student! 0.95
00:14:29.000 Which is why my dad's face looks like KRS-One's, because it's been bashed in so many times, because he had to fight every day of his life, because he had a, um, private school blazer.
00:14:39.000 Even though he was poor.
00:14:41.000 By the way, my dad's side of the family, totally, total other long, long story of just Irish poverty, violence. 0.77
00:14:49.000 Punch, my grandfather would punch my dad's brothers in the face like they were men. 0.96
00:14:53.000 Punch them down cement stones. 1.00
00:14:55.000 Horrible stuff. 0.99
00:14:56.000 My cousins are in denial, some of them.
00:14:59.000 My dad told me a horrific story once about his brother Alan, and they're listening to a radio play, and it's about this horrible, evil dad who beats his kids and almost kills his wife and stuff.
00:15:09.000 It's a soap opera, right?
00:15:10.000 That's how they listened to... That was their entertainment back then.
00:15:14.000 And Alan says to my dad, And my dad goes, Alan, that's a fictional character.
00:15:23.000 Dad's real.
00:15:25.000 You had to go to fiction to find someone more violent than my grandfather.
00:15:29.000 My son has the same name, Johnny McInnes, but he's sure as hell not named after my grandfather.
00:15:35.000 Any hizzle, this is on the more middle class side of things, which it's a little more salacious and fun.
00:15:41.000 My dad's side of the family is not as fun.
00:15:44.000 I love them all, though I'm very close with my aunts and uncles over there, and my cousins I talk to all the time.
00:15:49.000 Just talked to my cousin the other night to tell him about Strachan.
00:15:52.000 I love them.
00:15:53.000 But, you know, two generations ago it was violent working class stuff that wasn't pretty. 1.00
00:15:58.000 Anyway, back to the gay stuff. 0.95
00:16:01.000 So, uh, 50s it was bad. 0.91
00:16:03.000 60s, okay, maybe?
00:16:05.000 Not really, though.
00:16:07.000 And then 1969 in Glasgow? 1.00
00:16:10.000 Go ahead, suck a dick. 1.00
00:16:12.000 No one fucking cares. 1.00
00:16:15.000 What a waste. 1.00
00:16:18.000 What a waste.
00:16:19.000 He lived- I'm really trying hard not to disparage him because he was a good friend of mine.
00:16:24.000 I mean, I would spend all summer- I remember when I was like 10.
00:16:28.000 Or 11, I'd see these girls. 0.97
00:16:29.000 I was into chicks, by the way, from when I was a baby.
00:16:32.000 I remember inviting girls to my birthday parties.
00:16:34.000 It would be like my dad's friend's girlfriend, Debbie.
00:16:38.000 Debbie, would you like to come to my party?
00:16:39.000 This is when I'm 10.
00:16:41.000 And so she would show up at my birthday party and bring her boyfriend, Brian.
00:16:44.000 They're both 35.
00:16:45.000 And I remember just seething hate. 0.99
00:16:48.000 Why the fuck did you bring Brian? 0.99
00:16:50.000 Why did you bring him to my party? 1.00
00:16:53.000 I want to be with you.
00:16:55.000 I want to make love to you, my darling.
00:16:57.000 No, I didn't know.
00:16:57.000 I didn't know what my desires were.
00:16:59.000 I just know that I liked her tits. 1.00
00:17:02.000 I had no idea what I was going to do with them. 0.99
00:17:03.000 Sort of like those girls who chase the Beatles. 1.00
00:17:06.000 What would you do, ladies, if the Beatles just stopped running?
00:17:11.000 Well, we'd rip at their clothes. 0.97
00:17:12.000 Okay.
00:17:13.000 Clothes are gone.
00:17:14.000 Now they're nude.
00:17:14.000 Now what do you do?
00:17:15.000 Suck them off? 1.00
00:17:16.000 Like, I think they would start pulling at the beetle's hair until they were scalped and they bled to death. 1.00
00:17:23.000 Or they would, like, start licking them.
00:17:25.000 I wish the beetles would have stopped just once.
00:17:27.000 One of the beetles.
00:17:28.000 Maybe the one that was gonna die anyway.
00:17:32.000 Or didn't they have a drummer at the beginning who didn't show up?
00:17:35.000 Let that- sacrifice that drummer and just- I want to see what these women would do. 1.00
00:17:38.000 Would they start scrapping- scraping at their skin?
00:17:40.000 Obviously they want souvenirs.
00:17:42.000 That's the clothes.
00:17:42.000 I get that part.
00:17:43.000 But what happens when four nude beetles are lying down on the ground in fetal positions, surrounded by 200 screaming teenagers?
00:17:53.000 You know they're urinating. 0.94
00:17:54.000 Apparently these Beatles concerts reeked of urine. 0.99
00:17:57.000 Because the women would be pissing themselves. 1.00
00:17:59.000 Okay, so they pee all over them. 0.95
00:18:00.000 Now what?
00:18:02.000 And when do they leave?
00:18:03.000 Do they leave after 12 hours?
00:18:04.000 Do they fall asleep on the naked, shivering Beatles?
00:18:08.000 God, what a waste of a great opportunity.
00:18:11.000 I met Sean Lennon a couple times, I'll have to ask him that.
00:18:13.000 Not sure it's a subject he's going to enjoy.
00:18:17.000 So yeah!
00:18:19.000 Strachan, he bought a cabin in Leadhills, which is the tallest place in Scotland, I believe.
00:18:24.000 It's the home of the man who, I think John Smith or something, the guy who came up with the idea of putting a steam engine on its side and making it factory capable, which facilitated the Industrial Revolution.
00:18:36.000 Hence the book by Arthur Herman, How the Scots Invented the Modern World.
00:18:40.000 I remember being in that town and I said, I can't remember what, but I was like, aye well that's because Strachan's gay.
00:18:46.000 And the guy took me aside and he goes, what's the matter with you?
00:18:48.000 I go, what are you talking about?
00:18:50.000 How's it, how are you saying Strachan's gay?
00:18:53.000 And I go, well isn't it obvious?
00:18:56.000 He goes, look we all know that but nobody's meant to say it.
00:19:00.000 Why?
00:19:02.000 Why is no one meant to say it?
00:19:04.000 What a waste!
00:19:05.000 Again, I don't understand.
00:19:06.000 It's sort of like the Tranny thing. 0.96
00:19:08.000 There's that doctor in Vancouver who says, I don't want to give kids hormone blockers just because a girl thinks she's a boy or a boy thinks he's a girl.
00:19:15.000 We're not going to deny them puberty and make the woman permanently infertile, by the way. 1.00
00:19:19.000 He goes, I'm paraphrasing. 1.00
00:19:21.000 He goes, let them turn 18, go to the West Village, dance around in some red leather short shorts and suck a few dicks. 1.00
00:19:26.000 Then we'll still see if you think you're a woman. 1.00
00:19:29.000 And, yeah, that's how I feel about all of you. 0.97
00:19:31.000 I'm sure it sucks if you're in a small town up until you're 14, 15, 16.
00:19:35.000 I moved out when I was 18. 0.74
00:19:36.000 Move out! 0.99
00:19:37.000 You're only, like, really horny and ready to rock from 14 to 18. 0.94
00:19:42.000 So you had four uncomfortable years. 0.93
00:19:44.000 Sorry! 0.99
00:19:46.000 Get on the Greyhound, go to a big city, get a boyfriend, shut up.
00:19:52.000 I wonder sometimes, too, if he was traumatized by the divorce.
00:19:56.000 He was always a very sensitive guy.
00:19:59.000 He didn't want trouble.
00:20:02.000 I remember he was really mad at my dad once for coming to Leadhills, and there was a guy there named Gordon Poole.
00:20:08.000 Gordon Poole was from East London, and he didn't mock a bow.
00:20:13.000 And it's sort of like, when someone is out of context, like that Cuban gangster dude who's always on Joe Rogan, who threatened me on Twitter recently for making fun of Ralphie May, Kiko Coco Ortiz or something.
00:20:25.000 When those guys are in LA, any kind of wise guy,
00:20:28.000 Hey, what's going on?
00:20:29.000 It's a very difficult situation.
00:20:31.000 They're gods in L.A.
00:20:32.000 because L.A. 0.97
00:20:33.000 people know they're boring and cultureless, and when they see a Goomba with, like, tons of rings, they go, oh, you must have people killed.
00:20:41.000 Every Italian from Brooklyn is Tony Soprano to them, so they get all excited. 0.93
00:20:45.000 And then the guy becomes, like, a form of a wigger. 1.00
00:20:48.000 He becomes a mobster. 0.92
00:20:50.000 And he walks around, yeah, well, we would have to take care of that.
00:20:50.000 But he's not.
00:20:53.000 I wouldn't want something untoward to happen to you and your family, if you know what I mean.
00:20:58.000 Let's try to work everything out peacefully, if you know what I mean.
00:21:03.000 And meanwhile, you know, here in Brooklyn, that's every single guy on the train.
00:21:08.000 That's the guy who fixes your pipes.
00:21:10.000 You're bored of them up here.
00:21:11.000 You're not scared of the wise guys.
00:21:13.000 There's like 1% of the guys who act like that are actually legit dudes.
00:21:18.000 And they don't talk to anyone. 1.00
00:21:19.000 They handle their own shit. 1.00
00:21:21.000 They don't tweet you. 1.00
00:21:22.000 But anyway.
00:21:24.000 So the East Londoners up in small town mining towns like Lead Hills that have nothing because the mining's done.
00:21:30.000 So it's just sort of a little sad little welfare town.
00:21:34.000 You can see it.
00:21:34.000 I did a video surprising my gran on her 90th birthday, I think, on YouTube and that town is in it.
00:21:39.000 You can see the little pub where they play bagpipes.
00:21:41.000 It's really funny how they say white people don't have culture and you sort of go, actually, we have too much culture. 0.52
00:21:49.000 Like, you can't just be a white guy for Halloween. 0.52
00:21:52.000 You can be an Indian, and it's one costume and sums up all 3,000 tribes.
00:21:57.000 But, uh, for a white guy, you could be a Hasidic Jew, you could be a cowboy, you could be a golfer, you could be a Scotsman. 0.76
00:22:04.000 You know, there's 350 different white guy costumes.
00:22:08.000 Anyway.
00:22:11.000 So, don't mock about Golden Pooh.
00:22:13.000 Do you like all the accents in this particular one?
00:22:15.000 It's a fun little accent podcast, huh?
00:22:19.000 So I do a lot of characters in this one.
00:22:22.000 This is even a character.
00:22:23.000 Oh, my uncle wasn't a feminine, by the way. 0.99
00:22:23.000 He's gay. 0.99
00:22:27.000 Um, so, so Gormpool's in, uh, at the Oakton in Leadhills, the local pub, and he's a tough geezer. 0.97
00:22:37.000 Don't muck about, what you doing then?
00:22:39.000 And everyone goes, ooh, that's a tough geezer.
00:22:42.000 He's from East London.
00:22:44.000 He's in the mafia, no?
00:22:46.000 Oh, he's real tough.
00:22:48.000 And so my dad, who is tough, 0.99
00:22:51.000 He goes to this pub, and he's there with my mom, and he's not impressed with Gordon Poole, and he's not playing this stupid game. 0.98
00:22:58.000 And they go, alright, last last call then, you're done. 0.97
00:23:01.000 And my dad goes, but there's other people here.
00:23:04.000 And she goes, oh they're locals, they'll stay after closing.
00:23:07.000 But you're no locals, you're meant to leave.
00:23:10.000 And my dad goes, actually, he has got that affected English accent, I've had him on the show, right?
00:23:15.000 Actually, I won't be leaving at this time.
00:23:18.000 I will leave when everyone else leaves because we live in a free society where there is not one set of rules for one group and another set of rules for the other.
00:23:29.000 I'm getting scared just doing that voice. 0.98
00:23:33.000 That voice has been screamed at me my whole fucking life. 0.98
00:23:37.000 Because I was always the class clown in school, and education is very important to blue-collar Glaswegians. 1.00
00:23:42.000 So when he saw my name on the board, which was every time there's parent-teacher interviews, the shit hit the fan. 1.00
00:23:48.000 Oh for fuck's sakes, boy! 0.99
00:23:54.000 So, Gordon Poole isn't having it. 0.99
00:23:58.000 So, he takes my, uh... My dad goes for a whiz.
00:24:03.000 And Gordon Poole follows him in.
00:24:07.000 And as my dad's pissing, Gordon Poole says, Here, mate.
00:24:13.000 I think your time's up.
00:24:15.000 It's time to go.
00:24:16.000 Understand? 1.00
00:24:18.000 And my dad just goes, Oh, fuck off! 1.00
00:24:21.000 Without even turning around. 1.00
00:24:23.000 And so, he's done his piss.
00:24:24.000 He turns around.
00:24:25.000 Two of the locals grab my dad by each arm.
00:24:29.000 And Gordon Poole, who's punching his palm, says, and my dad just goes, and headbutts him in his nose, which is called the Glasgow Kiss.
00:24:46.000 It's a classic move.
00:24:47.000 I believe the Glaswegians use their heed, as it's pronounced, more than their fists, and just destroys not just the man's nose, but his entire facade. 0.98
00:25:00.000 It all came shattering out of his nostrils in that one split second, and the two guys holding my dad let go of my dad, and the emperor had lost his myth.
00:25:10.000 We found out he has no clothes.
00:25:12.000 That was the end.
00:25:14.000 And Gordon Poole was never the same. 0.99
00:25:16.000 Because he's a phony! 0.97
00:25:17.000 That's the problem with being a fake, right? 0.99
00:25:19.000 You're on thin ice.
00:25:20.000 You have the Sword of Truthocles constantly hanging over your head when people find out that you're not a mobster, or you can't fight, or you're not a tough guy from East London.
00:25:30.000 And then the running joke, every year I went back, all the locals would say, hear me, Gordon Poole's looking for you.
00:25:37.000 You're in trouble.
00:25:38.000 Which was making fun of Gordon Poole, by the way, making fun of the bogeyman, the hunchback of Notre Dame.
00:25:44.000 No, no, sorry, the headless horseman.
00:25:47.000 They had turned him into this mythical, magical, powerful beast.
00:25:51.000 And anyway, my uncle was real mad about that.
00:25:54.000 That my dad had brought trouble.
00:25:56.000 My dad just did the best thing ever in the world, Strach. 1.00
00:26:00.000 The fuck? 0.99
00:26:02.000 But his life was just, he would sample, um... His job was to work for the local environmental government agency, so he would drive. 1.00
00:26:09.000 He loved driving and maps.
00:26:11.000 Hated everywhere but Scotland.
00:26:13.000 Hated England.
00:26:14.000 He came to Canada to visit us once.
00:26:16.000 Threw his passport in the fire when he got back.
00:26:19.000 He would just go to different, you know, Scotland is vast and rural Scotland is breathtaking.
00:26:24.000 For all the crapping I do on Glasgow, I would never disparage rural Scotland.
00:26:28.000 Ayrshire and all these little cobblestone streets, these little tiny towns with their little pubs all over the north coast.
00:26:36.000 Breathtaking!
00:26:37.000 Heavenly!
00:26:37.000 I'm definitely going to retire there.
00:26:38.000 I'll probably visit it after the funeral.
00:26:41.000 They just re-instill your faith.
00:26:42.000 My cousin moved there.
00:26:43.000 He has no money.
00:26:44.000 He just stops talking.
00:26:45.000 I'm gonna retire at a young age.
00:26:47.000 I'll figure out money somehow.
00:26:48.000 It's cheap to live.
00:26:51.000 So beautiful by the sea there.
00:26:52.000 I mean, everything looks like Lord of the Rings up there.
00:26:54.000 Weird rocky crags just sort of jutting out of the river and the lakes going a hundred feet high like we're in Arizona or something.
00:27:03.000 It's bizarre.
00:27:04.000 The landscape changes every mile.
00:27:11.000 So he would drive around and he would get these samples and bring them back to the lab.
00:27:15.000 I would join him sometimes.
00:27:18.000 Although the drives were endless.
00:27:19.000 And he didn't talk in the day.
00:27:21.000 He needed pints in him to talk.
00:27:23.000 And we would do things like go on the, what was it called?
00:27:26.000 The Waverly! 0.90
00:27:28.000 The world's oldest ocean going paddle steamer!
00:27:33.000 And you would get on that paddle steamer and just went to Rothseum back, I think, where my grandfather lived.
00:27:37.000 It didn't go very far and everyone would be obliterated on that boat.
00:27:43.000 I remember as a kid before I could drink just thinking, what's going on here?
00:27:46.000 Why is everyone talking like that?
00:27:48.000 It's kind of scary to see 200 drunks when you're a kid because they're, especially in Scotland, because they turn red and they're sweaty.
00:27:56.000 And they're screaming and you can't understand them because the Scottish accent, the Glaswegian accent is tough to follow.
00:28:02.000 But when they're drunk, Jesus Lord, you gotta really like squint.
00:28:07.000 The only way you could understand them is if you have a coffee and an Adderall for every pint they have.
00:28:12.000 Because by the end, you're just Noam Chomsky deciphering some lost tribe of Papua New Guinea.
00:28:17.000 They don't use consonants.
00:28:22.000 So, are you alright?
00:28:23.000 Becomes, are you alright?
00:28:25.000 And then, they add these extra things at the end, like big man, and by the way.
00:28:29.000 Are you alright, big man?
00:28:31.000 Are you alright?
00:28:32.000 See yous people!
00:28:34.000 Sees yous people, meaning you, just see you. 1.00
00:28:38.000 See yous people!
00:28:39.000 I can see good for yous!
00:28:41.000 Hanging is too good for yous. 0.99
00:28:43.000 Remember when we would go to the pub with Strack? 1.00
00:28:45.000 And the fucking, the way Scots drink, I do not like it at all. 1.00
00:28:49.000 You get up from the table, I do like the drinking at a table thing, that's nice. 1.00
00:28:53.000 But I like standing at the bar too.
00:28:54.000 You get up from the table and go, you alright?
00:28:56.000 You alright?
00:28:56.000 It's my round, my round.
00:28:58.000 No, I'm fine, I have a full fucking pint. 0.99
00:29:01.000 No, no, no, no. 0.99
00:29:02.000 So they get up and they buy everyone around.
00:29:05.000 Well, now I have three full pints in front of me.
00:29:09.000 And inevitably, one guy's drinking the fastest, right?
00:29:11.000 I mean, imagine it as a race.
00:29:13.000 There's gonna be someone in the lead.
00:29:14.000 He gets up, he has to buy a pint for all, say, six of us.
00:29:19.000 So, that's every single time someone finishes a pint, they buy another pint.
00:29:23.000 Until you, honestly I'm not exaggerating, have five full pints in front of you.
00:29:29.000 Everyone does.
00:29:30.000 And then at 11pm is last call for some bizarre reason.
00:29:33.000 And they go, alright, dong ding dong, ring a big bell.
00:29:36.000 And it's not like they give you time.
00:29:37.000 They come around, alright, that's enough, that's enough.
00:29:40.000 They start really nagging you.
00:29:41.000 So now you're at a hot dog eating contest in Coney Island with beer.
00:29:44.000 It's going, alright, alright.
00:29:49.000 Like chugging five pints It's enough to make your stomach explode.
00:29:56.000 I would often barf Walking home because my body like half of it was in my esophagus because my stomach said we're at we're full sir and Also as you're trying to chug these endless pints, which isn't pleasant to me I
00:30:12.000 The beauty of America, I don't like how they don't buy rounds, but that took some getting used to, because Canadians buy rounds.
00:30:18.000 Americans, you buy them a beer, and they go, thanks, free beer. 0.96
00:30:20.000 And they don't buy you a beer back.
00:30:23.000 Especially in New York.
00:30:23.000 If you're in New York, don't buy anyone a beer.
00:30:25.000 They won't buy it back.
00:30:25.000 Just buy your own drink.
00:30:27.000 And get there first, when you meet someone, so they don't, so you don't have to, uh, so you can have already bought your drink.
00:30:34.000 Anyway, I'm with this guy, George Ande.
00:30:39.000 It was fun hanging out at the pub with Strachan, I gotta say, and that's what I'll miss the most, cause he would come out of his shell, and we'd make jokes, he'd be laughing his head off. 0.92
00:30:49.000 Holy shit, I just thought of something. 0.98
00:30:52.000 One time he came home and he'd had the crap beaten out of him, like really bad, which in Glasgow, no one just punches you in the nose. 0.99
00:30:57.000 They beat you for a fortnight until you're just jammed in jeans. 0.95
00:31:01.000 And he comes back looking like groceries, condiments, and broke his hands, busted up his face.
00:31:08.000 I had to design him a special thing for his tobacco tin where it could open by pulling a lever because he couldn't use both hands.
00:31:15.000 Um,
00:31:17.000 And he had been beaten up being in a back cutting through a park and I guess he was on someone else's turf and he held on to his I'd asked him to pick me up some king cans some cans as they say on the way and he held on to those in the fetal position as they beat him so I would still get my cans and when I got my cans
00:31:35.000 And believe me, I didn't want him to die for my beer.
00:31:37.000 When I got my cans, there were so many dents in them, they were rounded like a football.
00:31:43.000 They were oblong.
00:31:44.000 There was no right angles anywhere on them, because they'd just been hammered around. 0.96
00:31:50.000 But I just, I thought to me, maybe it's possible that he was caught horsing around with someone, and he was fag bashed. 1.00
00:31:59.000 See, that's another problem with being in the closet. 0.97
00:32:01.000 We've got to sit and wonder all the time now.
00:32:03.000 You could have had a loving relationship with a man, Strack. 1.00
00:32:06.000 No one would have given a shit. 1.00
00:32:09.000 No one at the pub would have cared. 1.00
00:32:11.000 The biggest homophobe there would be over it in a week.
00:32:15.000 As long as you didn't dress in drag and kiss each other at the bar, I don't think anyone would care. 0.88
00:32:20.000 The only thing they care about is the English. 0.77
00:32:22.000 And actually, having an English wife would be much worse. 1.00
00:32:28.000 But the fact that my parents had me in England was much worse than being gay.
00:32:34.000 I was never considered Scottish.
00:32:35.000 Even my own family.
00:32:37.000 My grandmother.
00:32:38.000 She... Hey, Gran, we're doing Rabbie Burns Night here in New York.
00:32:42.000 You're no Scotch.
00:32:42.000 How?
00:32:44.000 Why would you bother?
00:32:46.000 Well, I kind of consider myself Scottish, Gran.
00:32:48.000 I mean, genetically.
00:32:49.000 Aye, Gavin, you're born in England.
00:32:50.000 Robbie Burns is none of your business.
00:32:52.000 That's not your affair.
00:32:55.000 Grant, I have my own tartan.
00:32:56.000 I'm McInnes.
00:32:57.000 Not your feeders, McInnes.
00:32:59.000 You're English, pal. 0.98
00:33:01.000 Like, it was honestly like being gay.
00:33:03.000 And in fact, I didn't mention it, because it would change the conversation immediately.
00:33:09.000 So we're in the pub one night and the pub stories were great.
00:33:12.000 Like there was this guy, I've talked about him before, so you may want to skip ahead, but he was this drunk and, uh, he, he was always buying the rounds, always the first done.
00:33:22.000 And they go, see you, Andy, you could drink for Scotland.
00:33:26.000 I've always wanted to make this into a sketch, but it would be very, very big budget Monty Python budget.
00:33:33.000 And that cracked me up alone.
00:33:36.000 Do you understand what they're saying?
00:33:38.000 You could drink for Scotland if there was an Olympics for drinking.
00:33:42.000 And Scotland's not a country, by the way.
00:33:43.000 It's a province of Great Britain, which is why at the Olympics, you don't see a Scottish team.
00:33:48.000 You see a British team with a Union Jack.
00:33:51.000 Scots don't know this.
00:33:52.000 They still think they're a country.
00:33:53.000 They're like Taiwan. 0.99
00:33:55.000 When you send a letter from Taiwan, it says ROC on the return address.
00:33:59.000 I know, I lived there.
00:34:00.000 Republic of China.
00:34:01.000 Taiwan is in China.
00:34:03.000 You're not Taiwanese, you're Chinese. 1.00
00:34:05.000 You're not Scottish, you're British. 1.00
00:34:08.000 Anyway, they were suggesting that if there was a Global Drinking Olympics, they would like Andy to represent Scotland.
00:34:19.000 And it wasn't said in a jokey way.
00:34:20.000 Like, that would make me giggle if someone came up with that concept and we had to choose someone.
00:34:24.000 I'd go, yeah, let's choose Andy.
00:34:26.000 Oh, maybe a bum would be better to choose. 1.00
00:34:28.000 No, they get drunk faster. 0.65
00:34:29.000 It would be funny.
00:34:30.000 But they were serious, like, proud.
00:34:32.000 And then Andy's rebuttal was even better.
00:34:35.000 He goes, Scrolland, disgusted by the way, I could drink for the world.
00:34:42.000 Now we have an intergalactic drinking competition where he represents Earth, and the thing I love about that is the assumption that the other contestants from all these faraway planets, and they have to come from billions of light years away, right?
00:34:55.000 Because we've already checked the vicinity and there's no one there.
00:34:57.000 So we've got all these people traveling in through black holes or whatever, and some of them are going to be like 300 million pounds.
00:35:04.000 You think they're all gonna be 120?
00:35:07.000 It's not gonna be like the Star Wars bar, my friend.
00:35:09.000 That's a strange coincidence with all these- dumb coincidence, I should say, with all these space shows where they look human, but with slightly different ears.
00:35:16.000 Really?
00:35:17.000 We have a lot more range here on Earth with our species.
00:35:21.000 I look out the window, I see- I see another creature that lives on the same planet as me. 0.99
00:35:25.000 He's one foot tall, hairy, has four legs, no arms at all, a snout, and a fucking tail. 0.99
00:35:32.000 He couldn't be more different. 0.99
00:35:33.000 Meanwhile, I go to Zarkron, and it's just me, but blue.
00:35:37.000 No, sir.
00:35:38.000 Some people are gonna be gas.
00:35:40.000 Some people are gonna be the size of a planet.
00:35:43.000 Some people are gonna be the size of a molecule.
00:35:46.000 It's not- you can't have an intergalactic drinking competition.
00:35:49.000 It's not possible.
00:35:50.000 There's too many variables.
00:35:53.000 So that-
00:35:54.000 Made me pee my pants laughing.
00:35:56.000 Everyone in Glasgow is funny, by the way. 0.91
00:35:57.000 I'm glad that I'm going out on a positive note, because I was sounding a little macabre there, talking about my dead gay uncle.
00:36:02.000 But everyone is funny.
00:36:05.000 Like my grandmother, when I was a little kid, my grandma was running, and the bus, we missed the bus, but she chased it down and caught it.
00:36:11.000 And the bus driver was at the door, and he goes, just you keep running, Hen.
00:36:14.000 You're going to get downtown before I do.
00:36:17.000 That's the bus driver.
00:36:18.000 Did you understand that?
00:36:19.000 Just keep running, Hen.
00:36:20.000 Hen is lady.
00:36:21.000 You're going to get downtown before I do.
00:36:23.000 Anyway, so I was there with my wife.
00:36:25.000 So yeah, drink for the world.
00:36:26.000 And then I come back next year, and they were talking about that story, and we're all laughing about it, and I go, and then they go, see him, he'd have about a fruitcake in the fridge.
00:36:34.000 And that's all he'd eat for weeks and weeks.
00:36:37.000 Just take a wee nibble every time he was hungry.
00:36:40.000 And I go, oh yeah, I remember him saying that.
00:36:42.000 He never ate.
00:36:43.000 And I go, where is he?
00:36:44.000 What happened to him?
00:36:45.000 Uh, passed away, you know.
00:36:47.000 What?
00:36:47.000 He's dead?
00:36:48.000 Uh, yeah, just a lot of drinking, no eating.
00:36:52.000 Wait, so you were just talking about how awesome this guy is because he never eats, and he drinks all the time, and he starved to death doing exactly that?
00:37:02.000 Ah, yes, basically, aye.
00:37:04.000 That's not unusual, by the way, in Glasgow.
00:37:07.000 Men starve to death because they just get the empty calories of pints and they forget to eat.
00:37:11.000 I remember in Cuba once, I think this is in my book, my mom was bawling her eyes out because my dad hadn't eaten in two days, and she was screaming, you're not a teenage cuddle!
00:37:21.000 Stop with the starving yourself!
00:37:23.000 And I thought, what a crazy thing to scream at my dad.
00:37:27.000 But now I realize she was concerned that, like many Glaswegians, he would die of starvation.
00:37:34.000 As Andy did.
00:37:36.000 And this is also the Glaswegians.
00:37:38.000 I mean, this funeral is going to be very informal.
00:37:42.000 It'll be at a pub.
00:37:43.000 Glaswegians don't care. 1.00
00:37:44.000 In fact, I asked Strachan what his last wishes were when I was much younger, and he goes, just put me in a bun bag.
00:37:48.000 And I go, Strach, if you don't write down anything else, then that will count as your last wish.
00:37:53.000 So it won't be a joke.
00:37:54.000 And he goes, I don't know. 0.88
00:37:56.000 Throw me out in the trash. 0.92
00:37:57.000 Put me in a bun bag.
00:37:59.000 Luckily, he's getting cremated, and his ashes are being thrown with my grandmother's, which is a bit weird, isn't it?
00:38:05.000 My uncle and my grandma's ashes are both going to be thrown, I don't know, on some hill, Loby Dober statue in Glasgow or somewhere.
00:38:14.000 So, yeah, the pubs were the nicest times.
00:38:18.000 I'll tell you one last story.
00:38:20.000 This guy, Georgie.
00:38:22.000 Speaking of the way they used to be, and this pertains to my uncle's homosexuality, there's a guy, who's that again? 0.75
00:38:28.000 Oh, that's Bob the Baguette. 0.86
00:38:30.000 He's just known as a racist.
00:38:32.000 And it was like, if you were Polish, or you were known as a tap dancer, there was no sort of culture or even stigma behind it.
00:38:40.000 It was just like, that's Bob's preference.
00:38:42.000 I think that's a great way to be, by the way.
00:38:44.000 Okay, you're a bigot. 0.94
00:38:44.000 That's you. 0.94
00:38:46.000 You do you, bigot. 0.92
00:38:48.000 And I go, are you Bob the Bigot?
00:38:49.000 Well, that's what they call me.
00:38:50.000 It's not true, though.
00:38:52.000 I've only got, I don't mind darkies. 1.00
00:38:53.000 I've only got a problem with Pakistan Jews. 1.00
00:38:59.000 That makes me love Scotland.
00:39:00.000 It's just so totally unashamed.
00:39:03.000 Like, if you have a problem, let's fight right now.
00:39:06.000 Anyone of any age.
00:39:07.000 From when I was six, I remember people picking fights.
00:39:11.000 What team do you support?
00:39:13.000 By the way, if anyone in Glasgow says that, don't say Celtics or Rangers, because you'd get killed if it's the wrong one.
00:39:18.000 Say Partick Thistle. 1.00
00:39:20.000 Because they're so shite, people think you're daft. 1.00
00:39:24.000 And they don't want to go near you. 1.00
00:39:26.000 My dad told me that at a very young age.
00:39:28.000 Although there was a time in the 70s when Bruce Lee was big, and Canadians are considered Americans there.
00:39:36.000 Everyone was scared of me because of my accent.
00:39:39.000 They thought that everyone with this accent can kick your head off.
00:39:43.000 And so there was at least two years, maybe three, where I was just invincible because everyone assumed I could do a triple backflip because Bruce Lee can.
00:39:52.000 And I'm obviously friends with Bruce Lee because I come from the same continent as him.
00:40:00.000 But anyway, we're out of time here, we've got to wrap it up.
00:40:03.000 So, Georgie, I was with my wife, Emily.
00:40:06.000 Now, my wife is Native American, but she just looks Korean. 1.00
00:40:11.000 She looks like she's half Korean.
00:40:13.000 Probably with good reason.
00:40:14.000 I think the Native Americans came over the Bering Strait, you know.
00:40:17.000 Evolutionarily, they've got similar sort of genetic traits to Asians. 1.00
00:40:22.000 They're not hairy, they can't hold their booze, and they've got chinky eyes, as they say in Scotland.
00:40:29.000 And so my wife is not saying a word because she doesn't understand a word. 0.90
00:40:33.000 I can handle 78% of the conversation.
00:40:37.000 She's at zero because the accent's so thick, you know?
00:40:41.000 We're in Pollock Shaws, which is like South Glasgow, I believe.
00:40:49.000 And we're at Weatherspoons, which is a chain pub.
00:40:53.000 And Scots are so cheap they don't mind the Walmart atmosphere of these chain pubs with their fake books on the wall. 0.78
00:40:59.000 They don't really care about quaint over there.
00:41:01.000 If your pint's close to a pound, then we're in.
00:41:05.000 Oh my God.
00:41:06.000 By the way, the way they talk about beer.
00:41:09.000 These Glaswegians, for hours, they know the brewers at the distilleries.
00:41:17.000 Like, they talk about it the way you would describe Cespedes, or Big Sexy.
00:41:22.000 Ah, yes.
00:41:23.000 They got Dave Wright there, down at MacEwan's 80 now.
00:41:27.000 Now, he's coming down from Caledonian.
00:41:29.000 It's actually, it's back around his Guinness.
00:41:32.000 He's at Guinness for, I think, 15 years.
00:41:34.000 And now he's at MacEwan's Lager there, so, I mean, he's qualified, that's for sure.
00:41:38.000 They got, previously there, the brewmaster was a bird.
00:41:42.000 Her name was Angie.
00:41:43.000 And you could taste it.
00:41:45.000 What?
00:41:46.000 And my uncle was so into beer that when Witherspoons would send their catalogues of what they're gonna have next week, they keep rotating the beers there, he'd send them to me when they were old.
00:41:56.000 And he'd go, as you can see, had some American beers there.
00:42:00.000 No thank you.
00:42:01.000 But we did have a Canadian beer that was no bad there.
00:42:05.000 It was a French beer called Maudite.
00:42:07.000 Very heavy in alcohol.
00:42:09.000 Quite nice, quite nice.
00:42:12.000 Strack, I love you.
00:42:12.000 I don't care.
00:42:13.000 I like Budweiser.
00:42:14.000 I don't like beer.
00:42:15.000 I just want to get it into my body.
00:42:17.000 Get it in your body!
00:42:20.000 Anyway, so George sees my wife and he goes, what's going on with you?
00:42:24.000 It seems a wee bit chinky. 1.00
00:42:25.000 Chinky is a racial epithet that is not racist.
00:42:28.000 They still have gollywogs in Scotland. 1.00
00:42:31.000 Like, they're not caught up with the latest vernacular.
00:42:34.000 And to get Chinese food, it's just like, you fancy a chinky? 1.00
00:42:38.000 Yes, but let's just say Chinese food.
00:42:40.000 I'm just kidding.
00:42:40.000 I say chinky.
00:42:42.000 So, uh, she says, oh, it's because I'm Native American.
00:42:47.000 And he goes, what's that?
00:42:49.000 You mean Indian?
00:42:50.000 You're a Native?
00:42:51.000 You're an American Indian?
00:42:53.000 She goes, yeah.
00:42:55.000 Yeah.
00:42:56.000 What tribe is that?
00:42:57.000 Everyone always asks that, even though they don't know any of the tribes.
00:42:59.000 Like, what are you going to do?
00:43:00.000 Oh, I have a Chippewa friend, too.
00:43:02.000 She goes, Ho-Chunk. 1.00
00:43:03.000 And then he holds her hand, and he puts the top of her hand to his forehead, and he holds it there.
00:43:13.000 And then he takes it off his forehead and he puts his lips on the top of her hand.
00:43:18.000 And I look down and I see he's crying. 0.99
00:43:22.000 He is fucking crying because he's meeting a native. 0.98
00:43:26.000 And then he says, he looks up, tears, not pouring down his face, I'm not going to exaggerate, but his eyes were red and his eyelashes had that gunked together thing you get when you were crying recently. 0.99
00:43:38.000 So very wet eyes.
00:43:40.000 A tear is on the cusp of breaking the wall and going down his cheek.
00:43:44.000 We've got a lot of moisture there.
00:43:45.000 We're at 90% humidity, ready for a tear to drop.
00:43:48.000 And he says,
00:43:50.000 See yous people.
00:43:54.000 See what we did to yous.
00:43:57.000 Unforgivable.
00:43:58.000 And then puts his head back on her hand.
00:44:05.000 They're so obsessed with the underdog.
00:44:07.000 I guess it comes back to Edward's Army when they send him home to think again and bloody breathe out in the English. 0.99
00:44:14.000 But they'll just... Like at Celtics games, I think they hold up a big Palestinian flag just because they see them as underdogs to the Israelis.
00:44:21.000 They have no idea what the conflict is and no idea what Palestinians do to Israelis. 0.91
00:44:26.000 But just, Annie, underdog, see yous, I like that.
00:44:30.000 They're rooting for the Eagles in the Super Bowl, I promise you.
00:44:34.000 So, funny guy, beautiful culture, we'll say.
00:44:40.000 Say it, culture!
00:44:41.000 It's not a pretty city, it's depressing and violent, but the people are hilarious and he had a strong fabric of friends who were not going to X him for being gay. 1.00
00:44:52.000 They never mentioned faggots in air quotes, ever. 0.99
00:44:56.000 There was no animosity there. 0.99
00:44:57.000 Plenty of animosity for the English.
00:44:59.000 Plenty of animosity for Winston Churchill and the opposing football team.
00:45:02.000 You didn't hear... I mean, maybe it was going on and I didn't notice it, but I've never heard anything remotely fagbashy about Glasgow. 1.00
00:45:09.000 They've got a lot higher priorities for their violence.
00:45:12.000 And I just think it's a tragedy.
00:45:14.000 It's a tragedy that my grandmother didn't remarry. 1.00
00:45:16.000 It's a tragedy that my grandfather was such a jerk. 1.00
00:45:20.000 It's a tragedy that my mom had to be an adult when she was 12 years old. 1.00
00:45:24.000 But it's also a tragedy that, uh, it's also a tragedy that, that, uh... Sorry, I get a call and it throws me way off.
00:45:35.000 It's also a tragedy that my uncle never came out of the fucking closet. 1.00
00:45:40.000 What a waste. 1.00
00:45:41.000 Now, being gay has some downsides. 1.00
00:45:43.000 I heard it's murder on your ass. 1.00
00:45:45.000 It's also probably gross to perform fellatio, but it's also fun. 1.00
00:45:50.000 You get endless sex anytime you want. 0.99
00:45:53.000 You could just have, he could have, like, he loved to travel.
00:45:55.000 He was always going to different villages.
00:45:57.000 He could have had a whole network of guys.
00:45:59.000 Oh, I'm going to be in Rossi.
00:46:00.000 Let's meet up with Roy.
00:46:02.000 Incredibly handsome guy.
00:46:04.000 Wouldn't have a problem getting a nice little black book.
00:46:08.000 I like that big black song.
00:46:10.000 Or no, no, was it Lars Fredricksen?
00:46:13.000 I got a girl in every city and they all know my name.
00:46:16.000 He could have had a guy in every city and they'd all know his name.
00:46:18.000 Strachan Thompson.
00:46:20.000 But, the big picture with Strack is that he, for all his faults, and for all my frustration that he didn't live life to the fullest, he never hurt a soul.
00:46:31.000 Ever.
00:46:31.000 He never screwed anyone over.
00:46:33.000 He was never duplicitous.
00:46:35.000 He never lied, outside of his own sexuality.
00:46:38.000 He didn't have kids that he abandoned, the way his father did.
00:46:42.000 He never subjected his own foibles onto anyone else.
00:46:46.000 And at the end of the day,
00:46:48.000 You can't criticize someone like that. 0.99
00:46:51.000 You know, you can criticize the shitty dad for screwing up and failing to meet his basic requirements and abandoning his family. 1.00
00:46:59.000 You can shit on the criminal, obviously. 1.00
00:47:01.000 You can shit on the corrupt politician. 1.00
00:47:02.000 You can shit on the liars and the deceivers who pretend to be something they're not and waste everyone's time. 1.00
00:47:07.000 You can crap on the guys who aren't handshake deals. 1.00
00:47:11.000 That's the real 1.00
00:47:13.000 Problem with society are those dishonest people, men without character, men without honor.
00:47:20.000 That's where my attention lays.
00:47:22.000 Now, I'm frustrated that my my uncle didn't dig into the homotroph.
00:47:28.000 But that's not a fault.
00:47:30.000 That's just a missed opportunity.
00:47:32.000 Anyway, I love you Strach.
00:47:34.000 May you rest in peace.
00:47:36.000 God bless Janet Thompson and Jack Thompson, his parents.
00:47:40.000 And I'm glad my mom has made it through this rocky time with the wills and the cremations and the death, and she can learn to enjoy her life. 1.00
00:47:49.000 Thanks very much for tuning in, and if you're gay, suck some dicks. 1.00