A man in Zambia has sex with a sex doll, and it's the saddest thing you can imagine. Also, a man in Taiwan is praying for a dog that died of starvation, and a man who sleeps on the beach with a dead dog, and another man in Zimbabwe who is in love with a woman named Becky, but can't get out of bed because she's sleeping on the floor because he's scared of the dark, and he doesn't want to go to the bathroom because he thinks she's a ghost, but he still wants to have sex with her, so he goes to bed with her and they have sex. And it's just as sad as you'd expect. This episode was written and produced by Alex Blumberg and edited by Annie-Rose Strasser. Special thanks to our sponsor, Vaynermedia, for sponsoring this episode. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, tyops, and tyops. The theme song by my main amigo, Evan Handyside, is called "Goodbye Outer Space" by Suneaters, courtesy of Fugue Records. and the album art by Jeff Kaale, and our ad music is by Mark Phillips, and we did our best to make the music for the music video for the song "Feat. by the band "I'm Too Effing Highlighted" is outtro by The Wanderer, which is out now! and is out on SoundCloud. If you like it, please leave us a rating and review us a review on Apple Music, we'll be listening to it on Apple Podcasts, too! and we'll review it on Soundcloud, too? if you're cool with us in the iTunes store, we're listening to us on Podchaser, too good and we're giving you a review of it in the next episode, too cool, and you're awesome and we won't forget to tell us what you think it's cool, too awesome, and more than that's cool and you'll get a shout out! thank you, you're amazing! -- thank you so much, bye bye, bye. <3, bye, Amy, bye! Amy, Caitie, Sarah, Jeezy, Jai, and good night. Sarah, Kristy, and Sarah, and your support is much appreciated.
Transcript
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00:03:05.000I just discovered something more sad than a man with a sex doll, which I previously, up until right now, thought was the saddest thing your brain could imagine.
00:03:16.000Obviously alone, in his home, with a sex doll, and he's lying, he lifts it up under the knees and the small of her back, lowers her plasticine body with her catatonic face staring at the ceiling, lowers that on his bed, takes off, he probably leaves his t-shirt on, I don't know why, he has just like black socks, nothing else, and he gets on top of her, oh my god, can you imagine the dialogue?
00:04:07.000To me, that's just as sad as, you know you hear about these dogs who some sailor goes away at sea and the dog waits and then the ship goes down and the dog waits on the beach?
00:04:18.000We went to a place in Taiwan that was like that, where these two dogs waited for these sailors.
00:05:23.000I don't watch porn anymore, but I remember in the heyday, there's that feeling when you're done where you're just like, I'm a human garbage.
00:07:05.000You know, in Africa, like, I read a great article about Africa a long time ago, probably in the 90s, I think it was in The Economist, and they basically just said, look, Africa was fucked before we got there, it was fucked when we were there, and it's been fucked after we left.
00:08:43.000I'd rather you didn't murder the previous rulers like they're doing in South Africa, slaughtering children, raping women in front of their families and boiling them alive, torturing old ladies with drills.
00:10:33.000I was at a record store in Westchester in the suburbs of New York on the weekend called Clockwork Records or something like that, based on Clockwork Orange.
00:10:42.000And I'm looking at all these old records.
00:10:54.000And the album's called Togetherness, which I promptly bought.
00:10:56.000I also saw another album covered in Klansman, and it was Nash Lampoon's The White Album.
00:11:04.000And I was reminded of a time in the 80s where we had a sense of humor.
00:11:09.000I remember when I was a cartoonist at my college newspaper called The Charlatan, Carleton University, and in the office they had all the archives.
00:11:42.000And Marvin Glass was this professor I had.
00:11:47.000He was the head of the Canadian Communist Party, if you can believe that.
00:11:51.000And he told us interesting facts, like it's perfectly ethical to murder a baby up until a year after it's born.
00:11:58.000So you can have an abortion up until a year after a baby is born.
00:12:04.000Because an 11-month-old is less human than, say, a monkey.
00:12:07.000Any sort of metrics you use—can he talk, can he communicate, you know, is he aware of his surroundings—any metric like that, a monkey will beat an 11-month-old.
00:13:07.000Britain is letting in Libyans without passports, slave traders, but Lauren Southern is arrested and deported because she once did a jokey sort of performance piece on the street that tested Muslim tolerance and it used the term Allah is gay.
00:13:23.000So she was deported permanently for Islamic blasphemy.
00:14:26.000Just in case you don't know what fire is.
00:14:29.000In case you're a time-traveling caveman who got here before we had discovered fire, before the Quest for Fire, before Daryl Hannah was sodomized, here's what it looks like.
00:14:41.000Here's a rough drawing of it that's in black and white.
00:14:44.000Anyway, I was annoyed, I ended up quitting, but I was going through the archives and I saw this picture of the editor from probably 1975.
00:15:01.000So, now that you've anthropomorphized this penis, the pubic hair is the afro, the sunglasses one assumes that there's eyes behind it, and the nose is a big nose, like a Freak Brothers kind of a nose, that hangs over the mouth.
00:15:16.000I guess the beard is kind of a saggy jowls, which is the scrotal sac.
00:15:35.000And it reminded me of this record I was holding in my hand at Clockwork Records, which was the White Album, and it was a picture of Klansman in a recording studio and a soundboard.
00:15:53.000Um, and I just, I sort of got nostalgic, not just for a time when you could make jokes like that, and Archie Bunker would say England is a fag country on TV, and even the Jeffersons would say nigger please, and you know, you could speak freely and openly because it was accepted that you're probably not racist.
00:16:14.000We think it's more racist than it was back then.
00:16:17.000I saw some video about how Bruno Mars is appropriating black culture, and she goes, I don't think Michael Jackson would have been successful today.
00:16:25.000Yeah, because we're so racist, we would hate Michael Jackson and his hit songs.
00:16:31.000If anything, the pendulum has swung farther.
00:18:28.000O'Rourke did a guide to everyone in the world.
00:18:33.000I should add the caveat that he attacks the West so much in this that it kind of hurts my hypothesis, because I'm saying we all accepted that we're the best, but we get it pretty bad.
00:18:51.000Back when we had Animal House, and Caddyshack, and Rodney Dangerfield, and comedy had freedom.
00:18:58.000Not like today, where we hire Trevor Noah because he personifies the global struggle in South Africa and racism, and then maybe he might be funny somewhere down the line.
00:19:30.000Sour, stingy, depressing beggars who parade around in schoolgirl skirts with nothing on underneath.
00:19:38.000Their feebled, no, their fumbled attempt at speaking the English language has been a source of amusement for five centuries and their idiotic music has been dreaded by those not blessed with deafness for at least as long.
00:19:52.000The latter is produced on a device resembling five flutes that have grown a piss bladder.
00:19:59.000Formerly, the Scots painted themselves blue and ranged far and wide over the British Isles, but good fortune prevailed and they were conquered by their bettors.
00:20:11.000What passes for an alcoholic beverage in the Dreary Province, to which the Scots have been driven, has enjoyed a short vogue among fairies and advertising tripes.
00:20:22.000But this appears to be giving way to cocaine.
00:20:33.000An anecdote illustrating something of the Scots character.
00:20:37.000In recent years, the small Scottish nationalist movement has become so desperate that it's been kidnapping money and ransoming it for people.
00:20:45.000Which is an attack on the Scottish pound, which is just the English pound with Scottish writing on it.
00:20:55.000He's got a real Scottish name, Stuart.
00:20:58.000There's an English comedian who says, don't you think it's a little unusual that every day you check the stock market and the Scottish pound is exactly the same as the English pound?
00:21:09.000Is that a not, not an odd coincidence day after day after day?
00:21:33.000I think old pundits, when they get to the 60 Minutes age, they just go for the racism trope because it's like a shelter, it's like a warm blanket, it's like a retirement home for political views.
00:23:02.000By the way, I gotta say, I'm actually offended.
00:23:04.000Like, I grew up in a PC culture, so I'm showing you the Scott and the African to show you the dichotomy, but I'm experiencing what I'm trying to make you experience, which is shock.
00:23:15.000I actually caught myself once, I was at a porn theater in Montreal called Cinema L'Amour.
00:23:22.000I wasn't there for porn, I wanted to get a job there because I figured
00:23:25.000To do, to clean up after such a disgusting mess, it must pay a hundred bucks an hour.
00:23:29.000So I figured I'll put on a, like a gas mask and I'll make tons of money.
00:24:43.000Why is there a documentary about how horrible a poo is and no documentary about how horrible the cop stereotype is?
00:24:51.000Because of the bigotry of low expectations.
00:24:54.000Anyway, back to PJ, who probably is totally worried about this.
00:24:59.000The only way I found this, it's called Foreigners Around the World by PJ O'Rourke, and it's not, it's only available as like a scanned PDF.
00:25:06.000I'm sure he doesn't want this out there.
00:25:09.000Two anecdotes illustrating something of the Negro character.
00:25:11.000A traveling cattle barterer asks to stay the night at a root gatherer's hut.
00:25:17.000The root gatherer agrees, but says the cattle barterer will have to sleep with the root gatherer's daughter.
00:25:22.000The cattle barterer goes to get onto the mat with the root gatherer's daughter and sees that she's very dead.
00:25:55.000All right, so let me cleanse the palate with Canadians, because the way the PC Left works now, they will come to this podcast, single out like the monkey, take it out of context, and then say racist blah blah blah blah blah.
00:26:10.000A David Duke book in one hand, and 50 Martin Luther King autobiographies in the other hand, and they'll go, that guy has a David Duke book.
00:26:18.000I even have a friend who is still pilloried because they caught him with like, what is it called, like the Elders of Zion, whatever that book is, that super Nazi anti-Semitic book.
00:26:32.000He had it for a class on banned books, and he's still hearing about it.
00:27:07.000I don't care what percentage or what ethnic background, but the left ran with it.
00:27:13.000So Ann Coulter does this joke where she starts naming people who are part Jewish and changes it with globalist, like Paul Newman is half globalist.
00:27:46.000It's like when I did that video, 10 Things I Hate About the Jews, was obviously a parody of anti-Semitism and people who are desperate for a, you know, a title that won't read the thing or watch the video.
00:28:14.000See, this is what happens when you censor art.
00:28:17.000You get into the head of the artist and you ascribe him this agenda that he doesn't necessarily have.
00:28:25.000We do it with Tom Sawyer, with the Uncle Tom, or the word nigger in that book, where the racist over the course of the book realizes he's wrong.
00:28:33.000Now you've killed that by burning that book.
00:28:36.000So now you're, and I need to get this tattooed, now you are once again hurting the people you purport to help.
00:32:03.000Let's just, let's play God here and let's just with a strong giant hand just, and we have to do this slowly because I don't want to start a bunch of tsunamis, but let's just slowly push all of Northern Africa into the sea.
00:33:26.000Like, they all see it as a threat, juju.
00:33:29.000And even middle class Kenyans, you know, professionals, they'll go see their juju man and he'll say, all right, let's take four baby snakes and chop their heads off and put them in bull's blood and then light it on fire and throw it at a dog.
00:33:43.000And then maybe your daughter will get new shoes.
00:33:51.000They've got really bad Muslim problems now where they're murdering Christians, anyone who dares to embrace Christianity is being slaughtered.
00:33:59.000So there goes like Angola, Congo, Uganda, everyone near the Sub-Saharan, and now we're left with South Africa, Zimbabwe, Nambia, Botswana, all that, the bottom parts.
00:34:10.000South Africa's rape capital of the world.
00:34:12.000Unbelievable genocide going on there right now.
00:34:14.000And also black-on-black crime is a nightmare.
00:34:15.000This is where, by the way, they think raping babies, and I don't know why I use the word raping babies.
00:34:52.000Now, we've got some little fun little islands around here I haven't buried like a Madagascar.
00:34:58.000Every time you hear about these tribes and Papua New Guinea and stuff, they sound cool, and you imagine them peaceful and stuff, but then you do a bit of research and you find out, oh yeah, you're cannibals, and you sacrifice virgins and babies, and you have brutal wars with each other, like this assumption that when we got here, the Indians were cute and peaceful.
00:35:23.000The Indians, a lot of tribes, and there's probably about 3,000 tribes, they would shoot their victim with arrows for like 20 minutes after he was dead so he'd be fucked in the afterlife.
00:37:20.000Next thing you know, they've got massive problems with inbreeding.
00:37:24.000So let's just push the Middle East into the sea.
00:37:27.000And progressives should be happy with that.
00:37:29.000This is a place where it's so homophobic that in Iran, for example, they encourage sex changes because there's no such thing as a gay, so if you want to suck dicks, you must be a woman trapped in a man's body, so we're just gonna cut your penis off and give you boobs.
00:37:45.000You know, in that sense, and I've said this for a while now, being trans is homophobic.
00:37:51.000Because you're saying you can't be gay.
00:38:33.000And buy designer jeans with paintings on them, and they wear big fedoras, and they talk to their mommy on their earbuds, and the woman have these, these burkas on, but with, as Michael Malice says, the entire Lancôme counter pasted to their face.
00:38:49.000They ride Mercedes on two wheels for an MIA video down some stupid highway that's 150 degrees.
00:39:23.000And then we just go in there with our oil things, pump out the black sludge, and they can have their Bedouin, you know, nomadic tent culture.
00:39:30.000And not drive Mercedes on two wheels and have entire harems and come over here.
00:39:36.000Every retired cop I know seems to be bodyguarding some chic who just goes, gets table service at nightclubs with my money, my oil money, and gets, not even prostitutes, girls with college debt, takes them back to Saudi Arabia.
00:40:11.000We're spreading east, because the west is the best and the east is the worst.
00:40:16.000India, as Count Dankula describes it, that place that they can't poo in the loo.
00:40:21.000You know, porn star Mercedes Carrera was on my old show and she said something very controversial that I will just put on her so I can get away with saying it.
00:40:28.000She said we made a mistake colonizing India because the Brits brought them roads and medicine and made them civilized beyond their years.
00:40:41.000And they had now they could travel and go make more babies.
00:40:43.000The next thing you know, you got dead babies floating down the Yanks here, whatever it's called.
00:40:49.000And you know, they're washing next to a head that's just floating by.
00:42:36.000But most of these immigrants came when I came in the 70s from India, where they were already severely westernized.
00:42:43.000You talk to Indian and even Pakistani baby boomers, and they've got classical music playing on the turntable, because they didn't quite catch up with the latest technology, and they're sipping tea and watching cricket.
00:42:56.000So don't brag about your assimilation and your awesome multiculturalism when you're using a majority of immigrants who were already Westernized and already adored Western culture.
00:43:08.000That's like saying, that's like Britain bragging that they're multicultural in the 70s when all the Yardies came, the Jamaicans, because the Jamaicans had already been Westernized.
00:43:16.000They're already drinking Guinness, playing cricket, loving football, loving Britain.
00:44:52.000But there's just a Tibetan model who's out now who's justifying why I'm not sinking that part of the sea.
00:44:56.000And by the way, I can just see, you know, these Media Matters bloggers going, Gavin McInnes murders billions of people in a giant pact with God to sink continents into the sea, but leaves Eastern Europe and Asian Russians in there as his own personal sex slave factory.
00:46:49.000Everything else is owned by the state.
00:46:51.000I lived in China for a while in Taiwan.
00:46:57.000Taiwan doesn't think it's Chinese because it's capitalist, but I remember writing letters from Taiwan and the return address said ROC, Republic of China, so you're in China, guys!
00:47:13.000One of my favorite examples is the journalist who wrote an article when I was there about the police brutality, claiming the police were violent there, and they beat him to death for saying such a thing.
00:49:05.000All of those things, all those progressive values, those socially liberal values, those traditional values you hold dear, that create the Western world,
00:49:30.000The wife goes to his grave alone with a little picnic blanket and she lies there and has, you know, coffee from a thermos and bawls her eyes out.
00:49:40.000In the Middle East, with Islam, he's a rock star.
00:50:03.000And they do that within the West, too.
00:50:05.000They turn a blind eye to Reverend Wright's anti-Semitism.
00:50:08.000He says, oh, Obama won't talk to me anymore because the Jews won't let him talk to me.
00:50:12.000And you got Farrakhan calling Jews the satanic Jew.
00:50:16.000And we got Linda Sarsour and Tamika, what's her name, Mali or whatever, the woman's march organizer, saying that she loves Farrakhan and if you're not an enemy of Jesus, then you're a bad person, meaning that's an attack on Jews, of course.
00:50:31.000So you're really just focused on the white males, conservative white males, straight conservative white males.
00:50:39.000No, they hate gay conservative white males too.
00:50:41.000So you're concerned with straight white males, rich and poor.
00:50:45.000And I think it's because you have daddy issues, you liberals.
00:51:13.000They literally round them up in a bus and drive them back over the border, which is something you say, if it would happen here, it would be Nazi Germany.
00:51:22.000Anyway, another reason I hate China and Chinese culture is it's frustrating that a culture that's 40,000 years old at least, way older than us.
00:52:46.000That is stupider than any 1820s snake oil BS, that earwax thing where the wax that it gets out of your ear is just the wax from the paper itself.
00:52:57.000All of our dumb things, all of our secret medicines and brain pills and all that stuff, all those dumb vitamins we take, those don't hold a candle to the idea that your feet control your body and a foot massage.
00:53:13.000You're exercising some muscles that don't normally get pushed, you're recirculating the blood, sure.
00:53:18.000But to pretend that it affects the body, and we see this too, there's a spa in Queens, it's Korean, and it's got all this crap in it, like you go into this booth, and there's ions and metals and gold that they heat, and then you get the vapors from these important steels, and you go, bullshit.
00:54:12.000I remember my... I've told this story a bunch of times, but... I think it's actually on YouTube, but I was at a Thai restaurant and I thought...
00:54:20.000My dad's a bit of a drinker, and I thought, I don't take advantage of my dad's high IQ and his incredible world knowledge enough.
00:54:25.000So I'm going to ask him some questions.
00:55:12.000By the way, the next time someone says, well they hit us because of our foreign policy, explain Muslim terrorism in the Philippines, please.
00:55:25.000And also, by the way, to get back to the Middle East, which is now a quarter of a mile under the ocean, how is throwing gays off building my foreign policy?
00:55:34.000I'm not a big interventionist, I'm not a fan of neocons and George W. Bush's constant fight-picking, but is that really throwing gays off buildings?
00:55:47.000Yes, because what it did was, we had a sort of a truce between the Sunnis and the Shiites, and by taking out Saddam, you unleashed the Sunnis and the Shiites.
00:55:57.000And that's why you have gays going off buildings and all this primitive, horrible ISIS shit.
00:56:01.000Okay, but you're only explaining a tiny region.
00:56:04.000Talk to Robert Spencer, not Richard, and he can tell you about Muslim terrorism all over China, Africa, the Philippines, Malaysia, Indonesia, and that's not explainable.
00:56:21.000That can't be explained away by Sunnis and Shiites, you meathead.
00:57:57.000I remember I was in, I was teaching English in Taiwan and I was teaching a housewife conversational English, which is the easiest job in the world.
00:58:04.000Uh, you just teach them like shit and fuck.
00:58:07.000And when, when to say it, when not to, you know, slang and stuff.
00:58:10.000Well, when, when you say it's 10 to five, uh, but you don't say it's 20 to five.
00:58:15.000They want to know those silly nuances.
00:58:17.000So I'm talking to her and, uh, she starts telling me about prostitution and how a lot of these housewives will have sex to buy like a Louis Vuitton purse or something.
00:58:32.000Fascinating story, not prostitutes, and she was very quiet and shy and all of a sudden she's being effusive and she's telling me all this gossip because she's doing what housewives love to do.
00:59:27.000She's been talking about World War Two, but she was talking about this and it was interesting.
00:59:30.000And then I came back next week and I had been fired.
00:59:33.000But instead of being fired, it said, Chow Ming Ping has been sent to Hong Kong on business.
00:59:40.000We will contact you if we need you again.
00:59:42.000And then I was paid by tokens that I would cash in at the English teaching place, and there was like two tokens next to the note on the door.
01:01:23.000And then it's snowing all the time so the snow is all dirty.
01:01:26.000So you ride your bike there, you get to your destination, you wash your hands and face, and then on the towel there's a face and hands on the towel.
01:03:06.000They don't drink because they want to drink and drive.
01:03:09.000You know, if they're going to school, they can't be friends with a Hispanic kid because that means he probably lives on the east side and they'll never be able to go over for playdates or whatever.
01:03:16.000So no sense in wasting your time befriending a Mexican.
01:03:20.000And that, this constant like set of rules imposed on you by the horrible geography of that town, it chips away at your soul until you're like someone living under a communist regime, except the dictator is traffic jams.
01:05:02.000And then you have France, all these cucks in France who love to abuse themselves and, you know, they get a terrorist attack and their first concern is Muslim backlash.
01:06:59.000They're sort of seen as these up-and-comers.
01:07:04.000But Brazil is a sad, hot place, obsessed with, just like South Korea, which I sunk on, I'm sinking South Korea and Japan, by the way, changed my mind.
01:07:16.000Brazil, you know, they've got plastic surgery there.
01:07:59.000We just, and he goes, if you can get me a machine gun and a handgun and a bulletproof vest, it's a really fucking dangerous place to be and I don't want to go there.
01:08:08.000So goodbye, basically goodbye, South America.
01:09:16.000Now, you don't need tons of money to sort of have an area cordoned off, like an 8 foot by 8 foot area with just wood, like a crappy horse fence, and put all the garbage in that area.
01:10:09.000I had a funny gag planned that I was gonna sink everywhere into the sea but New York and then but my house and it was gonna be this like three-hour gag but it's like I'm putting the art above the content and I'm screwing up my message here which is more important than the art project so just pretend that
01:10:30.000I did this really funny podcast where I broke down everywhere in the world and the next thing you know I'm alone in my home in the suburbs of New York and I'm alone in a castle.
01:10:40.000It's the same joke I did with how to drink in a bar where I ended up in this disgusting destitute bar and I was the only one there.
01:10:48.000Uh-oh, my computer crashed right when I did all this because they're so mad at me.
01:10:55.000That's a good concept for an art project.
01:10:58.000But it screws up my message, so I'm going back.
01:14:15.000And I'm watching the movie Splice, which is, uh, uh, Cronenberg, David Cronenberg.
01:14:21.000And there's a scene where he makes this alien, like splicing genomes or whatever, and he makes this woman who's like a little girl who has a scorpion tail and can kill humans.
01:15:10.000Like, they look at a dead body and go, they're sort of like NYPD cops.
01:15:14.000I don't mean to shit on cops, but I talk to cops and they, like the other day my cop friend was telling me, yeah, so I go down out of the subway, this guy's fucking all over the place.
01:15:50.000Even though eco-tourism is such a big part of Costa Rica's dollar, they have disdain for it.
01:15:57.000And they think they'd rather just cash out.
01:15:59.000And one thing they do that drives me nuts in Costa Rica, you walk down the beaches, Playa Grande and Montezuma, and you just see flip-flops and combs and shampoo bottles.
01:16:41.000And all these environmentalists that are so concerned with Canada, Canada's 1.5% of global carbon emissions, all these little sins we do like, oh no, we didn't recycle our coffee cup.
01:16:52.000We better bring a steel water bottle because I don't want to contribute to the plastic water bottle problem.
01:16:58.000If you would just look at Mexico or Russia or, or, you know, Mauritania or any Middle Eastern country or any, probably any Central American country, you would see
01:17:14.000That's what drives me nuts about all these social justice wars.
01:17:17.000They look at the sexism in America and you're like, if you want sexism, I got a lot for you.
01:17:24.000You want racism, I got it out the wazoo.
01:17:28.000In Japan today, the swastika has become the most popular symbol to end a sentence with.
01:17:35.000They call it, like, Maimai or something.
01:17:38.000They have Hitler restaurants all over Asia.
01:17:43.000Dressing up in blackface is still very common everywhere but America, but you're focused on us because of our microaggressions and Bruno Mars is stealing black music.
01:17:54.000Obviously you're not worried about the problem, you're worried about worrying.
01:17:59.000So, I know Costa Rica's nice, and I'm tempted to leave it there, but I don't like the culture.
01:18:05.000They're machismo, but they're also pussies in a weird way.
01:18:08.000And, you know, there's a belief, and this might be some sort of perversion of Catholicism,
01:18:14.000In Central America, if your son is handicapped, then God hates you and it's a message from the big guy that you screwed up.
01:18:23.000So people are deeply ashamed of their handicapped offspring, relatives.
01:18:27.000And, you know, some gimp who has like those T-Rex arms and
01:18:31.000He's constantly sort of swaying in his wheelchair.
01:20:33.000So like this lack of sort of like Bacchus, this lack of enjoying indulgence, that's a big part of Chinese culture, both in China and Taiwan.
01:20:43.000So I can't really blame it on capitalism, but I'm in a good mood and I,
01:20:50.000I heard the judges, especially in Israel, or maybe that's where the test was, the judges give much more lenient sentences after lunch because they feel better about the world.
01:23:42.000See, you have to have Western values, really, is my only criteria.
01:23:46.000And isn't it a coincidence that when you embrace Western values, you tend to be a great place?
01:23:50.000When you tend to like the free market, not be communist, not be religious, in the sense that church and state remain as one, like it does in Iran.
01:24:00.000Have you noticed that when we promote secularism, church and state being separate, when we have the free market going, we tend to be an awesome place to live?
01:24:34.000So I started out this podcast, which has been a doozy.
01:24:38.000I started out this podcast saying, I miss when you could just make stupid offensive jokes and everyone knew you were kidding and it was awesome.
01:24:49.000And I glommed onto that inarguable hypothesis.
01:24:54.000An arguable hypothesis, which is the West is the best, and one of the things we liked joking about was the West is the best.
01:25:01.000Now, I didn't present that argument great because I used a PJ O'Rourke essay where he was shitting on a lot of Westerners.
01:25:07.000But hey, this isn't a high school essay.
01:31:38.000And then of course this podcast, which is totally and utterly mega free and always will be, and I can swear in it and do whatever you guys!
01:31:47.000My five-year-old just started doing that.
01:31:49.000I don't know where he got it from, but he does a, a, uh, up-speak, whatever you call it, uh, babysitter chick where he goes, um, I like one, I got some french fries, you guys!
01:32:00.000Must be from Cartoon Network or something, but it is funny seeing a five-year-old do that.
01:32:05.000Oh, that'll be a good, uh, subject next week, is parenting tips.
01:32:09.000I'm still figuring out how to get them off screens, it's the bane of my existence.
01:32:13.000Anyway, guys, I like you more than a friend, and I will see you Friday.