Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - March 23, 2018


Get Off My Lawn Podcast #35 | I Forgot Something in the Heroin Episode


Episode Stats

Length

50 minutes

Words per Minute

172.15674

Word Count

8,714

Sentence Count

720

Misogynist Sentences

41

Hate Speech Sentences

98


Summary

In this episode, I talk about gay men in the suburbs and how they are not as bad as we think they are. I also talk about the death of Bencho and how he should have been remembered for his courage in standing up for the gay community. And then we talk about trans people and gay people in general and how that's not a bad thing at all. I don't think trans people are mentally ill, I think they're mentally ill. And I think that's a good thing, because trans people can be mentally ill too. And that's why trans people should not be discriminated against because they are trans people, because they're not mentally ill at all, and that's good, because it's good because they have a vagina and a uterus. And they're trans because they had a baby and they're gay because they don't have a uterus and they don t have a female partner because they aren't trans and they want to have a baby because they like to be a girl because they can be a dude. And it's not bad. I made this episode about gays because I want to pay my respects to Bencho, who died of an overdose and I think Bencho was one of the best people I've ever met and I wanted to remember him. I also wanted to talk about Bencho because he was a great guy and I thought Bencho should be remembered for being a good guy and for his bravery and courage in the face of his courage and his courage. and for being brave in the fight against drugs and his commitment to do what he did to do his best to be the best he could do for his country. Thank you Bencho. I love you, Bencho and I appreciate you, my boy, Benzo thank you, I really appreciate you. Love ya, I m sorry for your courage and respect you, you were a good dude. xoxo, my homie, my love, my friend, and I m proud of you, your courage, my good friend, your strength, your support, and my respect, your honesty, your love, your respect, and your support and your sacrifice, you are a good man, your heart, your words, you're a rockstar, you deserve it, you got it, and you're so much love, you care, you give me a lot of love, thank you so much, you love you back, you re a good friend.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 I forgot something in the heroin episode.
00:00:03.000 Let me just move this mic a little closer.
00:00:07.000 Move a little closer, don't be shy.
00:00:11.000 Move a little closer with Arid Extra Dry.
00:00:14.000 Wait a minute.
00:00:15.000 This morning I was throwing a bag of dog shit into the garbage with my son.
00:00:21.000 My son was in the bag of dog shit.
00:00:23.000 He died, passed away last night.
00:00:26.000 As I was throwing it in I said to my boy, uh, pressure's on, getting higher, difference is you stay drier.
00:00:32.000 And I threw it in and I got it in because the pressure was on but I stayed drier.
00:00:36.000 Isn't that Arid Extra Dry 2?
00:00:40.000 Arid Extra Dry, whoever wrote those jingles, you have affected my life, positively I would say, twice today.
00:00:49.000 And it's morning.
00:00:51.000 Good jingling!
00:00:52.000 I bet he was gay.
00:00:53.000 That's the topic of today's show.
00:00:57.000 The gays.
00:00:58.000 The homosexual men.
00:01:01.000 It's funny, moving to the suburbs from the city, because I moved out of my parents' house in the burbs when I was 18 in 1988, and it's been faggity, fag, fag, fag ever since.
00:01:12.000 They're, you know, 50% of who you hang out with when you're sort of in the creative class in a city like Montreal, like New York City, even Ottawa.
00:01:24.000 And Brooklyn.
00:01:26.000 And then you move to the Burbs and there's zero gays.
00:01:29.000 Not a lot of gays.
00:01:30.000 There are no gays here.
00:01:32.000 None.
00:01:32.000 I do the podcast from home, by the way.
00:01:36.000 And it's weird because growing up in the city, every single topic, like, oh, we're going to have alternate side parking.
00:01:43.000 Yeah, but what do the gays think?
00:01:45.000 Oh, the gays are fine with it.
00:01:46.000 A lot of them don't have cars.
00:01:47.000 Oh, okay.
00:01:49.000 It's hard to explain to, you know, a farmer, but the gays, the gay angle is just part of your life.
00:01:56.000 This is delicious.
00:01:57.000 Is it gay?
00:01:59.000 No, it's a Caesar salad.
00:02:00.000 Gays have Cobb salad.
00:02:02.000 Oh, okay.
00:02:02.000 So it's not a gay salad.
00:02:04.000 No, no, no, no.
00:02:04.000 They have a different type of salad.
00:02:07.000 And then I come here, and there's this ordinance, and this president, Donald Trump,
00:02:13.000 And no one, like they talk about taxes and stuff and how it's going to affect their real estate, but no one mentions gay marriage or trans anything.
00:02:21.000 It's quite refreshing.
00:02:22.000 And then you realize, oh yeah, they're 1% of the population.
00:02:27.000 We might as well be discussing how this affects the Amish.
00:02:31.000 I saw something, some terrible video.
00:02:34.000 It's this black couple.
00:02:36.000 I'll probably do a video about this video.
00:02:38.000 And they're both trans, so the dude has a vagina.
00:02:43.000 Looks like a dude, thanks to testosterone.
00:02:45.000 And the chick... Actually, the chick just looks like a fat gay guy with long hair.
00:02:52.000 And they had a baby recently.
00:02:54.000 Of course, the man has the baby, because he has the uterus and everything, and you go, yeah, that's cheating.
00:03:01.000 You know what I mean?
00:03:02.000 That's like Sean King washing his face and putting on a baseball hat to go play golf and being white for a date.
00:03:12.000 No, Sean, you have to commit to the bit.
00:03:14.000 You have to be black every day if you're going to pretend to be black.
00:03:17.000 Rachel Dolezal did it.
00:03:20.000 But a lot of these lesbians will go, yeah, I'm going to have a kid, so I'm going to be a chick for nine months and then go back to being a dude.
00:03:27.000 In fact, the guy in this video, which I could probably find, let's see if I can find him.
00:03:31.000 The guy in this video goes, yeah, I didn't really enjoy it.
00:03:33.000 I didn't like being a bitch, but it had to be done.
00:03:37.000 I had to have a baby.
00:03:39.000 The reason, by the way, I made this about gays is because I want to talk about Benjamin Cho.
00:03:45.000 Uh, who OD'd on heroin pretty recently.
00:03:48.000 Big funeral for him I didn't go to.
00:03:49.000 I don't really go to funerals.
00:03:51.000 And, uh... Excusez-moi.
00:03:56.000 I forgot to mention him in the heroin episode, and I think it's relevant, but... I also wanted to talk about his gayness, which... You know...
00:04:04.000 People are going to hate me for it because friends of a dead guy, they're very, and rightfully so, they're very careful about what you say about the person.
00:04:13.000 You want to respect the dead, and I do respect Ben.
00:04:15.000 He was one of the best guys ever.
00:04:16.000 But it made me want to make this episode about homosexuals, and I'm obviously disparaging gays in this quite a bit.
00:04:25.000 Especially trans.
00:04:26.000 I don't think trans people are gay.
00:04:28.000 I think they're mentally ill gays.
00:04:29.000 There's this dude, Riley.
00:04:30.000 I wonder if I can find that.
00:04:32.000 He's a really smart nerd.
00:04:35.000 And what he did was he probably wasn't getting any pussy because he's ugly and unattractive.
00:04:39.000 And nerds have no testosterone, so women aren't attracted to them.
00:04:42.000 They're like feminist allies.
00:04:44.000 So he figured out this angle where I'm going to become a chick.
00:04:48.000 But I still want to bone chicks, obviously.
00:04:50.000 So I'm going to be a lesbian.
00:04:53.000 Pretty smart, huh?
00:04:54.000 I mean, it worked for the New York Dolls.
00:04:56.000 It worked for Motley Crue.
00:04:58.000 You just look like a pretty lady and everyone's attracted to pretty lady, even pretty ladies.
00:05:02.000 Then you get in there and then you start banging them.
00:05:05.000 So check this out.
00:05:06.000 This is Riley.
00:05:08.000 And I'm sorry to put this in the same episode as Benjamin Cho.
00:05:11.000 Benjamin Cho is not
00:05:14.000 I don't know.
00:05:28.000 We unpack our Christmas decorations and we had one year when my daughter was one.
00:05:33.000 So that would have been like ten years ago.
00:05:34.000 And everyone was sort of painting.
00:05:36.000 They came over and we had, let's paint Christmas decorations.
00:05:39.000 This was still when we were under the illusion that we could have friends who don't have kids.
00:05:43.000 So we had all our childless friends over.
00:05:45.000 Impossible today, but...
00:05:47.000 And I'm looking at the ornament that Benjamin Cho made, and it's a drawing of my daughter, just with, like, a pen on this sort of cookie dough Christmas ornament we made.
00:05:57.000 And it is photo-realistic perfect.
00:06:01.000 Like, he was like a savant who was also smart.
00:06:05.000 He was a smart savant.
00:06:08.000 He did our wedding invitations and just wrote like, you know, please join Gavin and Emily, blah, blah, blah, when they get married.
00:06:14.000 And Gavin says goodbye to regular sex for the rest of his life.
00:06:18.000 He wrote that up in calligraphy and it was breathtaking.
00:06:20.000 So I want to make it clear in this episode that I'm not disparaging Benjamin Cho.
00:06:26.000 But it's just sort of a springboard to talk about gays, and if you're talking about gays, you have to talk about fake gays.
00:06:31.000 And fake gays are this trans bullshit.
00:06:34.000 So this guy, just like Sean King, by the way, figured out a hustle.
00:06:37.000 Riley J. Dennis.
00:06:39.000 And his hustle is, I'm a lesbian.
00:06:42.000 Brilliant.
00:06:43.000 He's lying, but it's a persona he chose.
00:06:46.000 And we all choose personas, especially when we're young.
00:06:48.000 I'm a punk.
00:06:50.000 Yeah, I'm kind of like Sid Vicious.
00:06:52.000 I have a rat, a pet rat.
00:06:53.000 I live in my parents' basement.
00:06:55.000 It's totally dirty, man.
00:06:56.000 Actually, you know what I do on the weekends?
00:06:59.000 I go to the city and I just crash in a squat, probably get body lice.
00:07:03.000 I'm like a weird animal fucking drunk.
00:07:06.000 I kick over garbage cans, man.
00:07:08.000 I'm psycho.
00:07:09.000 I'm Johnny Cash.
00:07:11.000 I'm like a
00:07:12.000 Deep, heavy dude.
00:07:13.000 I wear a black suit.
00:07:15.000 I have a record player in my room that's just a phono record player with little speakers on the bottom and old records.
00:07:21.000 I don't listen to CDs or Spotify.
00:07:24.000 I just listen to records.
00:07:26.000 I'm the Johnny.
00:07:26.000 Like, you choose that guy and it gets you pussy.
00:07:29.000 So Riley J. Dennis has chosen lesbian, and it works!
00:07:32.000 He's got some chick in Australia who lets her bang him.
00:07:36.000 Can't you hear the nerd in his vocal cords?
00:07:46.000 Because I'm trans and a lesbian.
00:07:49.000 And I like gaming and I play Mario Kart.
00:07:52.000 And I also figured out a way to get laid.
00:07:54.000 That's what I never got about nerds.
00:07:56.000 You're smart, right?
00:07:57.000 You invented computers.
00:07:58.000 Why can't you get laid?
00:08:02.000 Because I came out when I was like 22, which in the grand scheme of things is pretty young.
00:08:09.000 I know trans people who've come out in their 40s or 50s or 60s.
00:08:12.000 But in retrospect, I was in the closet for a lot longer than I could have been.
00:08:16.000 Like I just believed so many misconceptions that stopped me from ever even being able to consider that I might be trans or a lesbian.
00:08:24.000 Sucks, because while I'm in a really good place now, I do wish that I would have been able to learn more about myself earlier on and come out sooner.
00:08:31.000 Because I wasted so many years- Oh yeah, I wasted so many years not coming up with this awesome hustle.
00:08:42.000 But you can't help but think, and this is the elephant in the room with all sexual deviance, you can't help but think, uh, you screw your significant other in her vagina.
00:08:54.000 With your dick.
00:08:56.000 What's that like?
00:09:00.000 And that must affect gays, too.
00:09:02.000 Sorry, I'm looking for this video of that black couple while I talk.
00:09:07.000 That must affect gays, because gays feel abnormal.
00:09:09.000 Gays are abnormal.
00:09:10.000 Sorry.
00:09:11.000 I love the gays.
00:09:12.000 I've been surrounded by them my whole life.
00:09:13.000 My wife's a fag hag, so I'm actually surrounded by more gays now than I ever was when I was living in gay Montreal and gay New York City.
00:09:21.000 But, uh...
00:09:23.000 It must be in the back of your head that what you're doing is abnormal.
00:09:28.000 And not disgusting, not evil.
00:09:30.000 The analogy I like to use is a vegetarian lion.
00:09:33.000 You get these huge incisors, you're ready to rip flesh from bodies, and you just want to beat salad.
00:09:40.000 Like when you have a penis, you go, this thing shoots sperm.
00:09:43.000 Sperm makes babies, right?
00:09:45.000 So I'm pre-designed to make a baby, yet I don't want one, and I'm probably going to die alone.
00:09:51.000 And my lineage is over after, what, 300,000 years of running around doing stuff.
00:09:58.000 My lineage is done.
00:10:02.000 That must make you feel weird.
00:10:05.000 And we had this kid, this gay kid in our high school, David Ibbotson, and he offed himself.
00:10:09.000 A lot of gays kill themselves.
00:10:11.000 And I think part of it might be that they feel very unusual because they are.
00:10:18.000 Now, by those rights, by that same logic, you could say, well, albinos probably kill themselves.
00:10:24.000 I don't know, but that's a good analogy.
00:10:27.000 That's basically what I'm saying.
00:10:28.000 Albinos are not shitty people.
00:10:30.000 I don't want them to die.
00:10:32.000 But if there was a lot of albino suicides, I'd go, yeah, maybe it's because they feel weird.
00:10:35.000 Because they can't go outside.
00:10:38.000 Like that black couple that I'm trying to find.
00:10:40.000 I don't think I'm going to be able to find it.
00:10:43.000 So they're just a normal couple, but with different genitalia.
00:10:47.000 But the whole act of intercourse is I'm on top of you.
00:10:51.000 I'm dominating you.
00:10:52.000 I'm the male.
00:10:53.000 You're helpless.
00:10:55.000 Normal heterosexual sex is a snake eating a mouse.
00:10:59.000 So the snake goes, you know, that first bite.
00:11:02.000 Where the mouse is still sticking out of the snake's mouth and you see the mouse going, I'm fucked.
00:11:06.000 And the snake is like, I'm just gonna relax here for a second before I do my next big bite.
00:11:10.000 And the next big bite, by the way, he's gone.
00:11:13.000 Or, sorry, whoops, Freudian slip.
00:11:15.000 She's gone.
00:11:18.000 And that's what intercourse is.
00:11:20.000 But in their relationship, this black couple, they don't have that.
00:11:27.000 He has a vagina.
00:11:29.000 So how does he, you know, pound her?
00:11:33.000 Like, he's on top?
00:11:35.000 Who's on top?
00:11:36.000 He's lying on his back with his hands behind his knees?
00:11:40.000 That's not a male position to be in.
00:11:43.000 Look, I'm gonna have someone find it for me.
00:11:44.000 I'm doing a podcast.
00:11:47.000 Can you find me that trans black couple?
00:11:53.000 Couple?
00:11:55.000 Wait a minute, you don't put that there.
00:11:59.000 Ugly.
00:11:59.000 I remember someone calling them ugly.
00:12:03.000 They are super ugly.
00:12:05.000 Oh my god, I found it.
00:12:06.000 That's terrible.
00:12:07.000 I typed in the word ugly and it came up.
00:12:10.000 Okay, here they are.
00:12:12.000 Here they are, My Trans Life.
00:12:14.000 Me and Liam Met was one of those love stories that was never supposed to happen.
00:12:23.000 Yeah, I get this is from the show My Trans Life.
00:12:25.000 Love stories never supposed to happen.
00:12:26.000 Yeah, it's weird.
00:12:28.000 Because, and I've said this a million times, so you're a straight, no, you're a gay man, no, you're a woman with a penis, and you're a man with a vagina, so how did you find a date?
00:12:41.000 Like this guy, in quotation marks, in this video, he is a normal dude, looks like a linebacker for the Seattle Nighthawks, what are they called?
00:12:52.000 I don't know football.
00:12:54.000 And so he is attracted to women?
00:13:00.000 Okay, but women with a penis?
00:13:03.000 Actually, maybe I can wrap my mind around that because the problem with being a lesbian must be I can never really get my rocks off.
00:13:09.000 But this lesbian has a dink.
00:13:12.000 Yeah, but it's a dude.
00:13:13.000 No, not really.
00:13:15.000 Okay.
00:13:16.000 Maybe I'm figuring it out as we go here.
00:13:19.000 My trans life.
00:13:23.000 That's trans guitar.
00:13:25.000 They said to the guy doing the music, can you do like a soothing, normal couple music to make trans people sound normal?
00:13:32.000 You mean like a, like a, hold on a sec, like sort of like this?
00:13:36.000 I never imagined to fall in love with somebody like Liam.
00:13:40.000 I love Raquel.
00:13:41.000 She has a nice... I love Raquel.
00:13:43.000 That's a chick with testosterone saying that.
00:13:46.000 So she's just, she's wonderful.
00:13:48.000 I feel like I can completely be myself around Raquel.
00:13:51.000 She doesn't try to change me.
00:13:52.000 She makes it totally comfortable.
00:13:55.000 It feels good to be with someone who understands what I'm going through.
00:13:57.000 Raquel and Liam started life knowing that they'd been born into the wrong gender.
00:14:02.000 I think I was about five.
00:14:03.000 So at a young age, it just really didn't feel right.
00:14:06.000 You know, I'm really talking about two things in this episode.
00:14:09.000 One is being gay and how it must feel weird, even in the most progressive, cool, groovy environments, because it is weird.
00:14:18.000 And then also, people like Riley Dennis, who like the cachet of being a minority and being a victim and being different, not just being a boring white male, and wanting to cash in on that.
00:14:32.000 Also, by the way, wanting to get laid because it leads to poon.
00:14:37.000 To be special.
00:14:38.000 You want to be a Muslim or black or oppressed or something if you want to be special in high school and college and get laid.
00:14:46.000 So there's two separate groups here.
00:14:47.000 But Benjamin Cho was the normal gay group.
00:14:53.000 And, you know, he OD'd on heroin, so it's not really a normal suicide.
00:14:58.000 But I had this sneaking fear that I introduced him to heroin.
00:15:03.000 It was a long, long time ago, back before I had kids in New York City.
00:15:08.000 And around 14th Street, there are all these junkies.
00:15:14.000 There must be methadone clinics.
00:15:15.000 And methadone, half the time they just get addicted to methadone.
00:15:19.000 Like Jackie on the Scottish sketch comedy show, Limmy's Show.
00:15:23.000 I was a junkie for four years, for four year, and then I was addicted to methadone that was meant to get me off it.
00:15:36.000 It's hard to do that character without having a cough.
00:15:40.000 These methadone junkies are all over 14th and say 3rd.
00:15:44.000 Actually, they're all over 14th Street.
00:15:46.000 There must be a bunch of methadone clinics on 14th.
00:15:49.000 But they're fun to watch and I'm looking at this one dude and you know they do that thing that tripod thing where they put their knees together and they think that they can just sort of sleep standing up like a horse and you want to walk over them over to them and go hey buddy
00:16:08.000 It's called a tripod, all right?
00:16:10.000 Three pods.
00:16:12.000 You have a two pod.
00:16:13.000 You have a bipod.
00:16:14.000 You're not going to stay up.
00:16:16.000 If you want to sleep standing up, you need a cane.
00:16:19.000 You need a third leg.
00:16:21.000 Get a boner and point it down and it better be a big one.
00:16:26.000 So you're sitting there and watching them try to defy physics and it's amusing and I'm so jaded.
00:16:31.000 I'm like a cop now.
00:16:32.000 I just make jokes about all these sick losers.
00:16:34.000 And you see these NYU students going, what are you looking at?
00:16:37.000 Like, I would film them sometimes with my camera.
00:16:40.000 And these NYU students would go, what?
00:16:41.000 Oh, it's a clown show?
00:16:42.000 It's a freak show?
00:16:43.000 And tisk at me.
00:16:45.000 I'm like, what are you tisking me for?
00:16:46.000 This guy is indulging himself to death.
00:16:50.000 Can I at least get a laugh out of that, please?
00:16:53.000 What am I supposed to do, cry?
00:16:55.000 Oh, you poor angel.
00:16:57.000 You're addicted to methadone now.
00:17:00.000 So this guy's leaning over and he's dropped his fanny pack.
00:17:05.000 And it's taking him, I'm going to say half an hour to pick it up.
00:17:09.000 Half an hour.
00:17:10.000 Talk about slow motion.
00:17:13.000 This is what it must look like to be The Flash when you just see a normal person picking up their fanny pack.
00:17:18.000 You must go, God damn it, pick it up.
00:17:19.000 It's been a whole millisecond.
00:17:21.000 So I'm looking at this guy and I'm filming him and he's slowly leaning over and I'm laughing my head off.
00:17:28.000 I don't know why.
00:17:29.000 I think I was a little hungover.
00:17:30.000 You know when you find things really funny in the morning and you realize, oh I'm drunk from the night before.
00:17:37.000 So, after a while, I think, I'm just gonna steal his fanny pack.
00:17:42.000 And on a serious note, this might, my disdain for junkies might be linked to the 20 or so people I know who have died.
00:17:42.000 Screw him.
00:17:50.000 Or I'm just watching someone throw away their life and I think, fuck you.
00:17:54.000 You pussy.
00:17:55.000 You're gonna go make some, your brother's gonna be crying after this.
00:17:59.000 Your mom is gonna be verklempt.
00:18:03.000 And you're just indulging yourself?
00:18:04.000 There's other people in the world, you selfish pig.
00:18:07.000 So, I stole his fanny pack, and I took it home.
00:18:12.000 I showed my girlfriend at the time, who's my wife now, and I go, check it out.
00:18:18.000 I stole a fanny pack.
00:18:19.000 And she goes, why would you do such a thing?
00:18:21.000 And then I open it up, and he has about four bucks, no wallet, just money.
00:18:26.000 And then there's a card for a lawyer
00:18:30.000 Like when you get arrested, you go to jail, you call that lawyer.
00:18:34.000 And there was a little mini pamphlet in it that was part of the Bible.
00:18:38.000 I don't know, Genesis or something?
00:18:39.000 With some mini section of the Bible in a pamphlet form.
00:18:44.000 And I felt real bad.
00:18:44.000 I go, what have I done?
00:18:46.000 This guy's trying to get his life back on track.
00:18:49.000 And here I am stealing his stuff.
00:18:52.000 And his whatever, Medicare, Obamacare card was in there too.
00:18:58.000 I'm just feeling like a horrible person.
00:19:02.000 And then I opened the little zipper part in the back.
00:19:04.000 A gram of coke, a gram of
00:19:10.000 Unbelievably good pot.
00:19:12.000 I've never smoked pot this good before or since.
00:19:15.000 Shocking marijuana.
00:19:17.000 Like, what marijuana was supposed to be?
00:19:19.000 These junkie loser street people, through trial and error, have come across the highest quality goods, where us lazy people who, you know, smoke pot once in a while and will try drugs at a party, we're just like, whoever's there, that Puerto Rican guy named Frenchie?
00:19:33.000 Yeah, let's get him.
00:19:36.000 But not the serious customers.
00:19:38.000 And a bundle of heroin was in there too.
00:19:42.000 Now, I would do heroin like once a month, just a bump.
00:19:47.000 So a bundle, which is I think 13 bags, would easily last me like over a year.
00:19:53.000 I'm pretty good with drugs, I think.
00:19:56.000 I'm pretty bad with bourbon.
00:19:59.000 I'll do a whole other episode on that.
00:20:00.000 So,
00:20:06.000 I did the pot in no time, and the coke didn't last very long, but the heroin lasted forever.
00:20:11.000 So when I'd have people come back to my apartment after a night of partying or karaoke or whatever, I'd say, hey, we're out of coke, but I have some of this, and it'll take the edge off.
00:20:19.000 Excuse me.
00:20:20.000 So we all sat around doing little bumps of heroin, and Ben Cho was included in that.
00:20:25.000 I think, I hope to God, he was already doing it at that point.
00:20:29.000 But he never stopped.
00:20:31.000 And I heard he would sort of snuggle with Dash Snow and stuff like that.
00:20:34.000 Remember what I was talking about in the last episode where straights would do gay stuff just because they were so wasted, high, and just sort of blah, blobby?
00:20:44.000 I think that him and Dash got up to some weird, like, just making out.
00:20:49.000 It's a sad, lonely drug in many ways.
00:20:53.000 But then Ben kept going, and going.
00:20:55.000 And after Dash died, I think he was crushed, and he kept going, and going.
00:21:00.000 And I would see him very occasionally, and... His voice!
00:21:04.000 He had fried his throat, so he spoke like this!
00:21:07.000 And Ben Cho, before that, was... He wasn't that effeminate, but just sort of, like, normally feminine.
00:21:11.000 Kind of like that black couple here.
00:21:14.000 I remember being in kindergarten and sitting on a placemat.
00:21:17.000 A young girl walked in, and I was...
00:21:19.000 Not quite that gay, but sort of that gay.
00:21:23.000 And funny as shit, too.
00:21:24.000 Like at my wedding, for example, Bill McGowan.
00:21:28.000 Great guy.
00:21:29.000 He wrote Coloring the News, Grey Lady Down, one of my favorite authors.
00:21:33.000 Very libidinous gentleman, despite his age.
00:21:36.000 He likes the ladies.
00:21:38.000 And that doesn't always fly when you're an old man.
00:21:43.000 I mean, I think he's almost 60 now.
00:21:45.000 I love him.
00:21:46.000 I had a beer with him the other day.
00:21:47.000 Great guy.
00:21:48.000 But, uh, he lived in Sri Lanka for a while.
00:21:54.000 He did a book down there that's called something like, uh, No Man or Evil or something like that.
00:22:01.000 And, uh, he's a great investigative reporter, very talented man.
00:22:05.000 And, uh, so he comes out and there's my, my stag before the wedding was just dudes.
00:22:11.000 We rented a huge hunting lodge and it was four days of just guys, guys, guys.
00:22:16.000 So we drank like a million beers, did a million pounds of coke, smoked a bay of pot, no heroin, and it was funny because the night before the wedding my wife showed up with all her friends and we hadn't seen a chick in three days.
00:22:29.000 Now I'm taken obviously, but my friends were horny as a hoot owl and they're like, what?
00:22:35.000 These women are goddesses.
00:22:36.000 Plus, they're all done up, right?
00:22:37.000 Like, they wanted to lose weight for their dresses and stuff, and they're healthy, and they have makeup on, and high-heeled shoes.
00:22:45.000 My friends were dying.
00:22:46.000 Anyway, after the wedding, everyone was staying at the hunting lodge.
00:22:49.000 Tons of chicks and stuff.
00:22:50.000 So all these guys are trying to court, and then Bill McGowan comes out, and he's wearing a sarong.
00:22:57.000 What?
00:22:58.000 I guess he had it from his Sri Lanka days?
00:23:01.000 So this old man thinks he's going to seduce a 25-year-old wearing a sarong, like she's going to go, ooh, you're exotic, Mr. Gray Hair.
00:23:08.000 Sorry, Bill, I'm not disparaging you, but that was the environment.
00:23:12.000 And Ben Cho comes out, and he looks at him, and right off the dome, he goes, who knew a sarong could be so wrong?
00:23:24.000 There was this girl Carol Lee we used to hang out with, a fellow Korean, and she'd be talking and he would just roll his eyes and go, shut your kimchi hole, Carol.
00:23:34.000 See, I'm not even doing his delivery as good as he did.
00:23:37.000 I felt like we were well matched as far as the insulting goes.
00:23:39.000 I would call him Bobby Trendy, which was an Asian gay from the Anna Nicole Smith Show.
00:23:48.000 I said to him too, I go, I don't know, whose stag do you go to?
00:23:51.000 Do you come to my bachelor party or Emily's Bachelorette?
00:23:55.000 We both like you, but I don't know who gets you.
00:23:59.000 And he goes, well, I am a man.
00:24:01.000 He didn't come to the bachelor party.
00:24:03.000 It would have been weird having him there.
00:24:06.000 Gays, they don't like like four-day booze benders.
00:24:10.000 Especially if there's no male orgies involved.
00:24:13.000 Anyway.
00:24:16.000 So his voice got all hoarse and he would still DJ.
00:24:20.000 He came up, I think he came up with the whole Morrissey resurgence that skaters were into and they had a night at Sway in New York that everyone would go to.
00:24:30.000 The guy was just fun.
00:24:32.000 Like, I say that about Dash Snow, too.
00:24:34.000 There's so many adjectives you could use, and it's hard to convey the sort of warmth and friendliness they give, but fun is just the easiest, fastest way to say it.
00:24:43.000 Like, if you were at a party, or a club, or a bar, and you see Ben there, you're just like, yes!
00:24:48.000 Now we're cooking with gas!
00:24:50.000 I never saw the guy in a bad mood once.
00:24:52.000 And he always wanted to go do stuff, too.
00:24:55.000 Let's go over here!
00:24:55.000 So,
00:24:58.000 Yeah, then he got bad.
00:24:59.000 I think his parents had an intervention for him.
00:25:03.000 And he said, if you, I think his dad was paying him, like paying his rent or something.
00:25:10.000 He said, if you cut me off, I'm going to kill myself.
00:25:13.000 And so the parents chickened out.
00:25:14.000 And, uh, God, his poor sister.
00:25:16.000 I think she's a doctor and she just had to go, well, he either kills himself now or slowly dies on heroin and he's not giving us a choice.
00:25:23.000 That's what pisses me off about heroin addicts too, is they give their, their, their loved ones these shitty ultimatums where it's like, push me off a cliff and abandon me and hope I don't die or facilitate my death.
00:25:37.000 So it's facilitate my death or facilitate my death.
00:25:39.000 It's up to you.
00:25:43.000 But it is a hell of a drug and he got swept away with it.
00:25:46.000 Poor bastard.
00:25:50.000 But yeah, the voice kept going hoarser and hoarser and he kind of disappeared.
00:25:52.000 He started looking like shit and then he vanished.
00:25:56.000 And I guess part of what I wanted to bring up today is, is it possible that gays kind of have a death wish because they feel weird?
00:26:05.000 Like even their intercourse.
00:26:09.000 When someone puts their dink in your butt, you must be like going, oh, that's, this is, this is literally unusual.
00:26:18.000 Even when straights do it, when straights have anal sex, we're sort of going, this is a weird act I'm up to.
00:26:24.000 This is a straight, like, that's kind of the fun of it too.
00:26:26.000 It's like a, I believe in the book, The Joy of Sex, it's in the sauces and pickles chapter.
00:26:34.000 Same with oral sex.
00:26:36.000 When it's happening, part of it is, this is weird.
00:26:39.000 We're not going to be doing this every day, but we're doing a sinful, carnal act.
00:26:43.000 I always said that, too, about the gays.
00:26:45.000 When you stop trying to normalize it, the gays might like that it's weird.
00:26:50.000 You know, the ones that can survive and not kill themselves?
00:26:52.000 Maybe they're into the fact that they're decadent weirdos.
00:26:55.000 Like punk rockers or something.
00:26:57.000 You don't want to normalize punk.
00:27:03.000 But gays feel weird.
00:27:07.000 They are weird.
00:27:07.000 They're not, they're never going to have kids.
00:27:09.000 And if my kids were gay, if my boys or my daughter ended up being gay, I would of course be bummed.
00:27:16.000 And.
00:27:17.000 90% of that bummed would be, you're not having kids, this is over.
00:27:21.000 But they can adopt.
00:27:23.000 Eh, I guess.
00:27:25.000 Is that really a normal way for a kid to grow up?
00:27:27.000 And by the way, a lot of my horrible views, like it's not normal for a kid to be raised by gays, comes from gays.
00:27:34.000 Like when you hear me saying something anti-Semitic, it's because Jews told me.
00:27:38.000 When I say something racist, it's because I was talking to a black guy.
00:27:41.000 I think people don't get that too about New York.
00:27:44.000 It is so cosmopolitan, metropolitan, multicultural, that being a Nazi here is just not possible.
00:27:52.000 You'd be exhausted.
00:27:53.000 And I noticed this in the New York Post.
00:27:57.000 They had this, they're called like the 2-1-1 crew or something, and these idiot academics started trying to document them so they could dox them and get them all fired.
00:28:07.000 So these two boys got quote-unquote tuned up.
00:28:10.000 As 2-1-1 put it.
00:28:12.000 And the New York Post's angle was, Nazis beat up wonderful little angels just because they had an Antifa sticker on their phone.
00:28:22.000 How did you know they had an Antifa sticker on their phone?
00:28:24.000 Because their phone was in the guy's face and he was being recorded.
00:28:28.000 And these guys, unlike rich kids in Antifa, these guys can't afford to be fired.
00:28:34.000 They work for, you know, craft beer distributors lugging kegs.
00:28:39.000 So when you try to ruin their lives and make their children starve, you get beat up.
00:28:46.000 So I told them that and I found out who the guys were and got their names out there.
00:28:51.000 And then the New York Post angle was, Gavin McInnes puts boys in danger of Nazis!
00:28:57.000 The Nazis are gonna kill them now!
00:29:00.000 No, they picked a fight with blue-collar patriots and got their asses kicked.
00:29:04.000 This is why the press and the police are too involved in our lives.
00:29:09.000 Everything we could handle ourselves, thank you very much.
00:29:11.000 We need to get back to violence, don't you think?
00:29:14.000 Someone messes with you, beat them up.
00:29:16.000 That's assault!
00:29:17.000 Police!
00:29:20.000 I saw some video on drunk people doing things, the Instagram account, and there was some drunken idiot picking fights and then the cops show up and you can see like six guys pointing at the drunk so the cop can get him and he ends up getting arrested.
00:29:33.000 You think, dude, you're in a mob of six.
00:29:36.000 A drunken buffoon is picking a fight with you.
00:29:39.000 Lay him out and be on your way.
00:29:42.000 No need for 911.
00:29:43.000 No need for paperwork.
00:29:45.000 I remember seeing this bum on St.
00:29:47.000 Mark's Street, and he was standing at the bus stop, and he just went... I have a pen in my hand now, you'll have to take my word for it.
00:29:54.000 And he just went... He fell without putting his hands down.
00:30:00.000 Just take a pen, right now, and release the pen.
00:30:05.000 His face just went plop!
00:30:05.000 That's how he fell.
00:30:08.000 And he was bleeding.
00:30:10.000 And it was all NYU kids, of course, because we're at St.
00:30:12.000 Mark's and Third.
00:30:15.000 And they go, call 9-1-1!
00:30:17.000 Call 9-1-1!
00:30:19.000 And I go, don't call 9-1-1.
00:30:21.000 This guy doesn't need to be in the hospital overnight, filling out paperwork, going to a holding cell, explaining why he doesn't have ID.
00:30:29.000 He's just a drunk piece of shit who wants to pass out.
00:30:33.000 And the bum
00:30:34.000 The bum whose nose is bleeding, not bad, but just like bleeding, goes, He's right.
00:30:39.000 I'm a piece of shit.
00:30:41.000 And went off on his merry way.
00:30:44.000 Handled!
00:30:46.000 That's the New York way.
00:30:48.000 And when I first moved here in the 90s, I was confused by that.
00:30:51.000 Like, you'd hear people talking in such a coarse, harsh way that your ears would bleed.
00:30:58.000 Here's an example.
00:30:58.000 Here's the example.
00:30:59.000 And it's going to be shocking, so please don't take it out of context.
00:31:02.000 You meet a guy, and he's like, fucking niggers.
00:31:05.000 I swear to God.
00:31:06.000 I swear to God, the bane of my existence.
00:31:09.000 It's like they don't understand, you know, delayed gratification.
00:31:12.000 Everything is here and now.
00:31:14.000 They don't, they don't know how to plan ahead.
00:31:15.000 You know what I mean?
00:31:16.000 And you go, uh, I guess.
00:31:19.000 My God, you're being super racist.
00:31:21.000 Then the next day, you see that guy and everyone's meeting for lunch.
00:31:26.000 And he's there, he's late.
00:31:28.000 And he's with his black wife.
00:31:30.000 And he strolls in and he goes, guess why we're late?
00:31:35.000 Out of all, I'll give you a million guesses, guess which one of these two people is responsible for us being late?
00:31:44.000 And you go, wait a minute, I thought you were in the Klan.
00:31:47.000 Your wife and kids are black.
00:31:51.000 I know another guy, another New Yorker, who has a black wife and black kids, and he goes, best thing about being a white dad is the kids, they want to, my girls, they want to eventually get with a white guy.
00:32:02.000 So I don't have to worry about black guys coming by.
00:32:05.000 Because they've seen that white guys are good husbands, right?
00:32:08.000 So my girls are going to get with the right kind of guy.
00:32:12.000 Out of like, in Nebraska and obviously Los Angeles, that kind of talk sounds insane.
00:32:20.000 But it's what happens when you're in a big city like New York and you're piled on top of one another.
00:32:24.000 Which is why it was so dumb for the Post to assume that these guys are Nazis.
00:32:29.000 Do you know how tired you'd be if you were a Nazi or a homophobe in New York walking through the West Village?
00:32:36.000 Well, well, well, lookie here.
00:32:39.000 Well, well, well, well, well, what, what, what, what?
00:32:42.000 You just, you wouldn't even be able to finish well.
00:32:44.000 You'd just be like, what, what, what, what, what, what?
00:32:47.000 You'd have tendinitis.
00:32:48.000 Your knuckles would just be gone.
00:32:50.000 I mean, your fists would be destroyed.
00:32:52.000 And by the way, you'd have your ass kicked.
00:32:55.000 Not all gays are wimps.
00:32:56.000 We've got bears, trannies.
00:32:58.000 When I was a kid, before trannies became just anyone's cup of tea, they were the, you were scared of them.
00:33:06.000 Remember at the Black and Blue in Montreal was this gay rave we would go to meet chicks because fag hags are delicious prey.
00:33:12.000 You'd see a tranny slip in his barf and get up and keep dancing and you'd know if you fuck with that guy he's gonna take off his heels and they're gonna pierce your temple.
00:33:22.000 Trannies, when I was a young man, were always scary.
00:33:26.000 So yeah, if you're a fag basher in New York City, you're going to get bashed real fast.
00:33:32.000 So the idea of racists in New York is just stupid.
00:33:36.000 And this, you know, you look at these punk bands in the 80s, the hardcore bands like Cro-Mags and Agnostic Front, and half the time these New York bands were Cuban exiles who loved America and capitalism because they'd experienced socialism.
00:33:51.000 But the pansies over on the West Coast at Maximum Rock and Roll, like editor Tim Yo, would go, oh, those New Yorkers are total Nazis.
00:34:00.000 You go, no, dude, they're just patriots.
00:34:01.000 And they're singing about welfare abuse because it happens in their building.
00:34:06.000 They're in it.
00:34:07.000 And, you know, New Yorkers, I think, have a good idea of hustles.
00:34:13.000 Like, for example, the Dominicans.
00:34:16.000 They get food stamps and they buy groceries and then send them to the Dominican Republic, where people aren't starving, but it fuels a bodega.
00:34:25.000 So the bodega in DR, their entire inventory comes from my food stamp tax dollars.
00:34:32.000 It's a hustle.
00:34:34.000 And if you say that to someone outside of New York, they go, oh, so food stamps are a lie so you want children to starve?
00:34:43.000 But you say it to a New Yorker and he goes, oh yeah, I saw those giant blue bins at the grocery store.
00:34:48.000 And I saw people filling them up and then shipping them from the grocery store.
00:34:52.000 The grocery store will handle the shipping for you.
00:34:54.000 That's how common it is.
00:34:58.000 So all this supposed racism, homophobia, transphobia is really just New York talk.
00:35:04.000 It's people saying it like it is.
00:35:07.000 And I don't necessarily enjoy New York.
00:35:09.000 I'm done.
00:35:09.000 I'm glad I moved to the suburbs.
00:35:11.000 Because you get kind of tired of telling it like it is.
00:35:13.000 Move it, asshole!
00:35:14.000 Are you just getting insulted every day all day on the street?
00:35:18.000 Hey, fuckface!
00:35:19.000 You gotta wonder, is this worth fighting about?
00:35:19.000 Move!
00:35:25.000 We're good to go.
00:35:44.000 Say East New York, you know, Bushwick or something, and you'll see a guy with a toolbox going home, and he's kind of nodding off on the bus, because he did a little bump of smack on the way home.
00:35:56.000 You know, I was around in the 80s.
00:35:57.000 I never quite kicked it, but I'm a functioning junkie.
00:36:00.000 I got a hole in my thigh that never healed, and I just sort of squirt the junk into the hole, and the cells are so damaged in the hole.
00:36:11.000 Like, junkies will literally have a hole in their leg.
00:36:14.000 Oh, that's one other thing.
00:36:15.000 Sorry, I forgot to mention the junkie episode.
00:36:18.000 I was talking about N.A.
00:36:20.000 and I'll go off on all these stupid tangents since I don't always get back.
00:36:23.000 I was talking about junkie N.A.
00:36:24.000 in New York and how brutal it is.
00:36:27.000 And a friend of mine who went there was telling me about this guy who had shat his pants so bad.
00:36:33.000 Oh, I almost had a wet fart just as I said shat my pants.
00:36:36.000 That's weird.
00:36:37.000 Psychosomatic?
00:36:38.000 What's that?
00:36:38.000 Was that the word?
00:36:39.000 No.
00:36:40.000 Some sort of self-fulfilling prophecy.
00:36:43.000 He pooed his pants many times.
00:36:46.000 And the poo had stayed in his pants for so long that the denim and the skin had become
00:36:52.000 Just like sexuality had become a spectrum.
00:36:57.000 And there wasn't necessarily skin, feces, and denim.
00:37:02.000 Sure, they generally divided into those three categories, but there was a gray area where some of the poo was actually part of his body, and some of the pants were actually part of the poo that were part of his body.
00:37:14.000 They had melded together and become one.
00:37:18.000 Are you barfing yet?
00:37:20.000 Can you imagine, like, how about these people who go to medical school for 12 years memorizing Latin terms, and they get some junkie who nearly pooed his pants to death?
00:37:29.000 What do you do with that guy?
00:37:31.000 Alright, that's ipsium, loracium, gross me, make me barf my eyes outium.
00:37:37.000 Get in a big bath salts.
00:37:39.000 Not the drug.
00:37:40.000 Don't don't drink it when you're in there chunky get in a hot bath and What they do this is what the guy told me and they soak you for like two days and they soak the denim and the poo off and then it's just raw skin your legs look like Freddy and They just have to slowly Oh
00:38:02.000 Slowly rebuild the skin.
00:38:05.000 Like this guy I heard about in Montreal.
00:38:07.000 I had every STD under the sun in Montreal in my heyday.
00:38:12.000 And I was, I had a few venereal warts and the guy was spraying them with liquid nitrogen.
00:38:17.000 And I said, is this a pretty bad case?
00:38:19.000 And he goes, dude, he didn't say dude.
00:38:20.000 And he goes, sorry, this is not, no wait, I'm doing a Mexican accent.
00:38:23.000 Hold on, French Canadian.
00:38:25.000 Hey, what are you doing?
00:38:26.000 You're retired.
00:38:27.000 He goes, nah, this is not a big deal.
00:38:29.000 Uh, we had a guy in here recently.
00:38:31.000 He had so many venereal warts, uh, on his anus that, uh, he couldn't go to the bathroom.
00:38:37.000 So we had to give him a colostomy bag while we treated it.
00:38:41.000 And then he said, he said that another guy, he had so many on his penis that I had to, uh, just dip the entire thing in the liquid nitrogen.
00:38:51.000 And then to remove that like a sheath.
00:38:54.000 So sort of like Kentucky Fried Chicken, you just would take the skin off and then he had a Freddy dick and then that would rebuild itself.
00:39:04.000 That's gay.
00:39:05.000 That's gay self-indulgence.
00:39:08.000 I mean, I'll end it with some remarkably controversial things about the gays.
00:39:12.000 I have this friend, we'll call him the letter C, Chris.
00:39:18.000 He got AIDS.
00:39:21.000 We were at a bar in D.C.
00:39:23.000 and he had these sneakers on and he had little sock hats, like ankle socks, and they had bumblebees on them.
00:39:31.000 And I've known him for a long time.
00:39:33.000 He's a big immigration guy, anti-immigration guy.
00:39:36.000 So I met him when I first moved to New York when I was anti-immigration because I thought it was bad for the environment.
00:39:44.000 It was a long... I could do a whole podcast on my immigration stance and how it's progressed from hippie peace punk to evil horrible man.
00:39:55.000 So I knew him through conservative politics.
00:39:58.000 And I go, nice fucking bumblebee socks, fag.
00:40:01.000 And he goes, I am gay.
00:40:02.000 And I said, pardon?
00:40:05.000 And he goes, God, you never listen to me.
00:40:07.000 He was really pissed.
00:40:09.000 And I go, I think I would remember that if you said you're gay.
00:40:12.000 And he goes, I've told you a hundred times.
00:40:16.000 And I go, wait a minute, we went to strip clubs together.
00:40:18.000 And he goes, yeah, I'm bi.
00:40:21.000 And I go, well, wait a minute, haven't you, like, I've seen you dating girls.
00:40:24.000 And he goes, yes, and I always tell them right out of the gate that I'm bi and I like being with men.
00:40:29.000 And I go, well, maybe that's why your relationships keep falling apart, dude.
00:40:32.000 You're gay.
00:40:32.000 And he goes, and I have AIDS.
00:40:36.000 And I go, what?
00:40:39.000 And he says, yes, I have AIDS.
00:40:42.000 And I go, are you dying?
00:40:43.000 And he goes, no.
00:40:43.000 I go, so you're going to live forever?
00:40:46.000 And he goes, I hope not.
00:40:47.000 I'm making him a gay voice.
00:40:49.000 We didn't have a gay voice.
00:40:53.000 He, by the way, you know what he got me for my wedding?
00:40:56.000 I got married after that.
00:40:57.000 And so he was already out of the closet at that point.
00:40:59.000 I shouldn't say out of the closet.
00:41:01.000 Out of the closet in my head where I guess I didn't hear him in the closet.
00:41:05.000 But he got us for the wedding three house CDs of house music and then lube.
00:41:11.000 But the lube was in meth.
00:41:16.000 So, it was a little vial of lube, and you look in the vial, and it looks like Superman's house.
00:41:22.000 Like these crystal projection things.
00:41:25.000 Crystallization crystals.
00:41:27.000 And then you shake it up, and it gets a little bubbly, and then the crystals dissolve into the meth, and you're supposed to put that on your genitalia.
00:41:34.000 Probably the only way that that weird trans black couple could make sense of their genitalia.
00:41:38.000 And then it feels good, and you screw to house music for 36 hours.
00:41:44.000 Thank you for the wedding present, Chris.
00:41:46.000 No, I'm not doing that.
00:41:47.000 I actually poured it out.
00:41:49.000 I think I got some on my fingers because I went to do some emailing after that and it was like, tick tock, tick, tick, tick, tick.
00:41:59.000 And then, and then, and then, my fingers were typing on the keyboard so fast that it was a frequency, like an A flat.
00:42:13.000 And then slowly as it wore off, it was like... Back to normal.
00:42:23.000 But he got AIDS at a circuit party doing meth and screwing for 36 hours.
00:42:30.000 And I said to him, Chris, uh, that's not normal.
00:42:36.000 I mean, they, you know, Fred Phelps says God hates fags, but it's possible that nature, uh, has checks and balances for extreme sexual indulgence, which basically all gays seem to get up to.
00:42:48.000 I mean, you're, you're talking about a gay conservative, like at Fox News or something in the green room, and you're like, you have 30 dicks in your face sometimes.
00:42:56.000 You know, even your most normal making love
00:43:00.000 is still our craziest sex.
00:43:03.000 Like you putting in the butt, uh, doggie style, that's like the craziest night of the year for us straights.
00:43:10.000 And that's you trying to be normal.
00:43:12.000 Abnormal is like, like I had this gay couple, Johnny and Roswell.
00:43:16.000 Oh, that's not a secret.
00:43:18.000 I can use the real names, but there, I was talking about a threesome or something I had back in my crazy days.
00:43:23.000 I'm like, threesome?
00:43:24.000 Fuck that, faggot.
00:43:25.000 We have eightsomes.
00:43:27.000 I'm thinking eightsomes?
00:43:30.000 Aren't there just like feet in your face and like a dink on your leg and some boobs?
00:43:35.000 Oh, there's some boobs showed up?
00:43:36.000 No, there's no boobs.
00:43:38.000 Believe me.
00:43:38.000 No, thank you.
00:43:40.000 Okay.
00:43:40.000 That's just, what's that?
00:43:41.000 Like eight dicks?
00:43:45.000 This, this is not exactly CRTV material.
00:43:47.000 This is probably why my podcast isn't on that site anymore, but I need this outlet.
00:43:52.000 I need, I can be Tucker Carlson on Get Off My Lawn.
00:43:56.000 The TV show, but I need to be Howard Stern at some point.
00:43:58.000 I gotta get my yayas out.
00:44:00.000 This is who I am.
00:44:01.000 I remember I was in a special class in eighth grade for kids who couldn't shut up.
00:44:06.000 It was mostly retards, actually, but there was also some kids who were dying of cancer and me, the class clown who couldn't stop talking during class and wasn't mature enough to have multiple teachers.
00:44:17.000 Sort of like Jeff Spicoli, really, but not Stone.
00:44:22.000 And my dad,
00:44:25.000 He was obsessed with education.
00:44:26.000 He's a smart guy, you know, physicist.
00:44:28.000 He would punch holes in the wall and be losing it.
00:44:32.000 And I would say, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
00:44:33.000 Okay.
00:44:33.000 And I would try to shut up in class and I literally sit on my hands and I could maybe go like half a day shutting up, but then it all come up.
00:44:46.000 That's why it could never be advice because as we got bigger and bigger, I thought, all right, I gotta be a good boy now.
00:44:51.000 And I just couldn't do it.
00:44:53.000 So I think this solution at CRTV is a good solution.
00:44:56.000 Be a good boy on your show, your TV show, and then save the filth for your podcast.
00:45:02.000 Got it.
00:45:02.000 We'll see how long it lasts, but this is the filth.
00:45:06.000 And it's also homophobic racist filth, too.
00:45:11.000 I'm thinking about Craig having, sorry, Chris, having sex for 36 hours, and I'm thinking
00:45:19.000 Like, if you were a bug, and I said this to Chris, if you were a bug, and you fucked for 36 hours, you'd wear out your little cockroach penis.
00:45:29.000 Nature doesn't want you doing that.
00:45:31.000 It's not normal.
00:45:32.000 If you scratched your ear,
00:45:34.000 For 36 hours.
00:45:36.000 Your ear would be shredded.
00:45:37.000 In that episode, the 100th episode of Get Off My Lawn, I wore 100 t-shirts, so I was taking off t-shirts all day.
00:45:43.000 The backs of my ears and the backs of my arms were shredded, like they felt sunburned.
00:45:49.000 And when I had a shower that day, my ears were on fire.
00:45:52.000 Sorry, the next day.
00:45:56.000 So, what you did was unnatural.
00:45:58.000 And in a way, Fred Phelps is right.
00:46:01.000 God does hate fags.
00:46:05.000 You know what I mean?
00:46:07.000 Like, if you're gay, and you have a surrogate, and you raise your kid with two gays, isn't that kind of morally wrong?
00:46:16.000 Because you're definitely at a disadvantage.
00:46:18.000 It's sort of like a deaf, I should do a whole other episode about this, but say you're deaf and you know having a kid, your kid's going to be deaf.
00:46:25.000 Isn't that morally wrong?
00:46:27.000 There's that show, that movie out now, that kid's movie about that severely disfigured kid.
00:46:32.000 And he has this disease where you, you look kind of like, uh, uh, something out of the Hobbit.
00:46:36.000 You know, the disease I'm talking about, your nose is all bent down and your eyes are like hammerhead shark eyes.
00:46:42.000 And, um, they're, they're perfectly normal.
00:46:44.000 Otherwise they're just severely disfigured.
00:46:48.000 I'm not saying I know the answer to this, but isn't it morally wrong for you to have a kid and start him out with this disadvantage?
00:46:53.000 I know it's true of single mothers.
00:46:55.000 If you're a single mom and you have a kid knowing you're going to be a single mom, like you don't have a daddy in the family or you get inseminated or something, that seems to me very wrong.
00:47:05.000 You're starting your kid at a disadvantage and there's piles of data out there saying that single moms, children of single moms do worse than children with parents.
00:47:14.000 It's just a fact.
00:47:16.000 Now, we don't have a lot of data on children of gays, and I obviously have no problem with gays going up to an orphanage or taking some kid who had no family, no other options, saying, I'll take him.
00:47:26.000 That's wonderful, guys.
00:47:27.000 Way to go.
00:47:29.000 You made the best of a bad situation.
00:47:31.000 But if you have a surrogate, haven't you created a bad situation?
00:47:35.000 I don't know.
00:47:37.000 The important thing here is that we just be honest about everything.
00:47:44.000 Doing heroin is bad.
00:47:46.000 And when we glorify junkies who die and are very taboo about how we talk about it and don't tell the whole story, it's a disservice to junkies today.
00:47:57.000 We have to say, you're a junkie, you fucked up.
00:48:00.000 Philip Seymour Hoffman is not a hero.
00:48:02.000 Benjamin Cho screwed up badly.
00:48:04.000 Let's find out why.
00:48:05.000 Was it, uh, was he just so smart that he realized that something is not right about being gay?
00:48:12.000 Is
00:48:13.000 I don't think gays should be cured or anything.
00:48:15.000 Think of albinos and vegetarian lions.
00:48:17.000 It's not evil, but it is a deformation of sorts.
00:48:21.000 It's an evolutionary tangent.
00:48:26.000 And we need to accept that.
00:48:28.000 Both the right and the left.
00:48:31.000 Because when you don't, terrible things happen.
00:48:34.000 Like with conservatives, when they say, no, no, no, gays don't exist.
00:48:38.000 That's fine.
00:48:38.000 Okay.
00:48:39.000 Well, I'm not attracted to women.
00:48:41.000 Well, then you're asexual.
00:48:42.000 Join the church.
00:48:43.000 Okay.
00:48:44.000 I joined the church.
00:48:44.000 I'm still horny.
00:48:45.000 Well, just stay away from women.
00:48:47.000 Okay.
00:48:48.000 Hey, I just diddled a bunch of boys.
00:48:51.000 Oh.
00:48:53.000 Yeah, maybe I was wrong to pretend that gays don't exist.
00:49:00.000 I just, basically, my denial got a kid molested, so sorry about that.
00:49:06.000 And that's the problem.
00:49:06.000 That's a conservative screwing up people's lives by pretending that gays don't exist.
00:49:12.000 Similarly, liberals, when they go, hey, let's let all these gays join the Boy Scouts,
00:49:18.000 Okay, that kid got diddled too because you were pretending that gays are perfectly normal.
00:49:23.000 You see what I'm saying?
00:49:24.000 In both cases, it's dishonesty.
00:49:27.000 Conservatives pretending that gay isn't a thing, and liberals pretending that gays are a normal thing.
00:49:34.000 Both of them are problematic.
00:49:35.000 What a tangled web we weave when at first we try to deceive.
00:49:40.000 Anyway, that's the show for today.
00:49:44.000 I'm going to be funnier next show.
00:49:46.000 I just had to get that heroin story off my chest and discuss the homos and how in New York you're allowed to talk like this without being vilified.
00:49:55.000 And I'm allowed to talk like this without being vilified because I feel like I got my audience now.
00:49:59.000 Even if I get fired, I could just charge people four bucks and they'd still tune in.
00:50:05.000 So I'm kind of set for life.
00:50:06.000 You can't really do a hit piece anymore that could ruin me.
00:50:08.000 I've been ruined too many times.
00:50:09.000 I'm like Anthony Kumea is the same way.
00:50:11.000 What are you going to do?
00:50:12.000 Get him fired?
00:50:14.000 Anyway, Get Off My Lawn, Monday to Thursday.
00:50:18.000 That's on CRTV.com forward slash Gavin.
00:50:21.000 This show is Tuesdays and Fridays.
00:50:24.000 It's free.
00:50:25.000 It'll go on forever.
00:50:26.000 Totally uncensored.
00:50:28.000 And CRTV Tonight should be starting in April.
00:50:32.000 That's coming up very soon.
00:50:34.000 I like you more than a friend, and thank you for listening.