Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - May 01, 2018


Get Off My Lawn Podcast #46 | I never really got tits

Topics
wedgies big tits Kevin Spacey recommendation giant tits teenagers not doing jobs socks with heels
Hosted by
Gavin McInnes
Mentioned
Craig Peter Lloyd Clark Kevin Spacey Chris Brown Matthew Shepard Michelle Malkin Chadwick Moore Chihuahua Man Jeremy Scott Jackie Chan Gabriette Albert Hammond Jr. Tacky Theodorokopoulos Cormac McCarthy Amanda Marcotte Tommy Robinson Austin Powers Howard Stern Matt Dillon and 21 more
Get Off My Lawn #122 | Terror in Toronto Ep 124 | Bite Out of Crime | Get Off My Lawn

Episode Stats


Length

48 minutes

Words per minute

161.85

Word count

7,863

Sentence count

757

Harmful content

Misogyny

108

sentences flagged

Toxicity

310

sentences flagged

Hate speech

87

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

I grew up in a strange suburb of Canada where half the kids had foreskins and half didn t. We called each other "Weddies" and gave each other atomic wedgies. I can't remember the last time I got a wedgie, but I can tell you it wasn't a good one. I don't remember much of it, but the one time I did remember it, it's a little bit better than the rest of them. I'm not going to lie, it was awkward growing up there, but it was definitely not as bad as it looks like it is now. I remember some of the things that went on there, and I think you'll enjoy the stories from my childhood that I tell my kids about how things were like back then. I hope you enjoy this episode, and that it makes you think about what it would be like to grow up in one of those weird suburbs where you don't have your own house and have to pay for a babysitter to take care of your kids while you're out in the middle of nowhere in a foreign country, and you're not allowed to go out to play soccer or anything like that. I hope this makes you feel like you can relate to it, because that's what it was like growing up in that kind of place. Have a listen to this episode and tell me what you think of it in the comments below! XOXO, Kevin xoxo - and in this episode of Thick & Thin - Kevin's new book, Thick and Thin, by Kevin's first book, "The Other People's Story" is out now, which is out on Amazon Prime Day, so be sure to check it out! . . . and if you haven't already checked it out, you won't want to wait until the next week for the next one? Kevin's book review is out by the end of the week! - Kevin s book is out next week, so don't miss it! , Kevin s first book review of the new edition of Thick And Thin by Kevin s new book "The Dark Side of the Moon, the Dark Side Of The Moon" is also out on Tuesday, so stay tuned for that, so you can get a copy of the book, too! Kevin s review of it. , and Kevin s next book, which will be out soon! and I'll be posting it on Tuesday!

Transcript

Transcripts from "Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 I never really got tits. 0.80
00:00:04.000 I grew up in a... My sexual coming of age was in a strange suburb and it was in Kanata, Ontario. 0.53
00:00:17.000 And we were out on the outskirts of the country, outskirts of the city I should say, because there was these cookie cutter homes.
00:00:25.000 Matt Dillon's first movie, Over the Edge, confronts this phenomenon.
00:00:30.000 And it was like, buy a farmer's field for dirt cheap.
00:00:33.000 There's not a lot of farming going on in Canada, it's too cold.
00:00:36.000 Buy a bunch of land, get a cookie cutter house, maybe three different models, and then just repeat them 200 times, and sell them for cheap, and now you have a suburb.
00:00:48.000 Unfortunately for the kids, you're bored out of your mind.
00:00:52.000 In the middle of nowhere.
00:00:53.000 There was literally cows in my backyard.
00:00:57.000 So the schools are half Carpies from the neighboring town of Carp with real farmers kids and then half middle class kids with cheap parents, which is usually British immigrants. 0.98
00:01:11.000 Which meant that half my friends had foreskins and half didn't.
00:01:14.000 I probably told this story before, right?
00:01:17.000 About the fights we used to have.
00:01:19.000 We used to do this thing where, although we were all friends, we would split into groups.
00:01:24.000 Foreskinned guys and non-foreskinned guys. 1.00
00:01:27.000 And we would fight, and the fight took the form of wedgies. 0.73
00:01:31.000 So, when you...
00:01:34.000 When you're all alone No, sorry when you want to brawl You just start doing the call now the call for circumcised guys was snip snip snip snip snip pretty lame call They sound like minions, but our call was awesome.
00:01:50.000 It was a braveheart call.
00:01:51.000 We would go Oh God
00:01:57.000 So, say you're at a party, and this would just empty the party of girls. 1.00
00:02:02.000 God, I hope I haven't told this story before.
00:02:04.000 Does it ring a bell?
00:02:06.000 I told my kids these stories, because they want to know about my high school days.
00:02:06.000 Oh, good.
00:02:12.000 So you're just sitting in a room, and you look around the room and you go, wait a minute, I think most of these guys are circumcised.
00:02:18.000 No, no, no.
00:02:19.000 Most of these guys are uncircumcised. 0.80
00:02:20.000 So then you go, Awoooooga!
00:02:23.000 And all the foreskin guys get together and they go like shoulder to shoulder and start walking towards the guy who doesn't have a foreskin.
00:02:30.000 And then he starts getting scared and he starts going snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip.
00:02:34.000 Like calling for his friends.
00:02:36.000 And then we go and we give him an atomic wedgie. 0.66
00:02:39.000 That was our bread and butter back then.
00:02:42.000 Wedgies.
00:02:43.000 Atomic wedgies.
00:02:43.000 Every lunch, there'd just be like waistbands all over the floor.
00:02:49.000 And it was, I remember one time we were at a party at Andy Miller's house, and these snippers were coming at me, and I was the only guy with a foreskin in the, at the, I thought, you know, definitely upstairs.
00:03:02.000 So they're like, snip, snip, snip, and they're closing in on me, and I just, I yelled, 0.99
00:03:09.000 And then all of a sudden, up the stairs come about four kids with British parents to save, literally save my ass. 1.00
00:03:19.000 Speaking of ass, one time this guy we called Cheese, he came up with a trick for these battles. 1.00
00:03:27.000 He wouldn't wear underwear. 1.00
00:03:30.000 So I'm down there rooting around his little orange, freckled ass, basically giving him a butt massage, trying to find his underwear. 0.99
00:03:37.000 It wasn't there, and then look he gave me. 1.00
00:03:41.000 Because I'm rooting around going, what the fuck? 0.98
00:03:43.000 And then we're obviously faced, when you're wedging someone, you're very close to their face. 0.99
00:03:47.000 And then he just sort of looks at me with this big smile like, yes, hello?
00:03:51.000 It was sort of like a, you ever see a sloth wave goodbye?
00:03:55.000 They have a nice, calm smile, like,
00:03:58.000 Mmm-hmm.
00:03:59.000 See you later.
00:04:00.000 Thank you for helping me cross the road.
00:04:02.000 Mmm-hmm.
00:04:04.000 I'm a sloth.
00:04:05.000 No idea why no one eats me.
00:04:07.000 I'm right here.
00:04:08.000 I can't get away.
00:04:09.000 Eat me up.
00:04:11.000 Darwin didn't think of this properly.
00:04:14.000 God did not give me any protection. 1.00
00:04:17.000 They must taste like shit. 1.00
00:04:18.000 I bet sloths are bitter. 1.00
00:04:22.000 And so I couldn't wedge wedgie Paul. 0.99
00:04:25.000 But anyway, with this middle class British culture came a real disdain for white trash, which didn't really affect the farmer's kids. 0.98
00:04:36.000 They were kind of off the reservation. 1.00
00:04:38.000 But amongst the other middle class kids, and one of the things these middle class girls were really against is big tits. 1.00
00:04:47.000 It's like fashion, right? 0.99
00:04:48.000 Like if you talk to a fashion designer, they're not interested in big tits. 1.00
00:04:51.000 In fact, I read about a model recently whose big tits were a major problem. 1.00
00:04:57.000 She was in that movie, she played Amy Schumer's super hot friend in that movie, Almost Pretty, or I'm Pretty, or whatever. 0.99
00:05:07.000 I feel pretty. 0.99
00:05:09.000 That chick, uh, her tits are an issue. 1.00
00:05:12.000 So anyway, when you're a young man in that environment, and you're told tits are gross, you're like, okay, I'm not a tit guy. 0.99
00:05:21.000 I like supermodels like you tell me to. 0.99
00:05:26.000 Even though I lost my virginity to a woman with tits the size of this building. 1.00
00:05:31.000 Which was pretty great, and that's in my book, Death of Cool. 0.99
00:05:33.000 First night she was wearing all white lingerie.
00:05:38.000 That was something.
00:05:39.000 Any hoosers. 1.00
00:05:42.000 So I never really understood them.
00:05:47.000 And most of the girls I dated did not have big hooters. 0.95
00:05:51.000 And then I was talking to a guy, this is like not that long ago, maybe 20 years ago. 0.99
00:05:58.000 And I go, what's with big tits? 1.00
00:06:01.000 Like, what do you do? 1.00
00:06:02.000 You lick them? 1.00
00:06:04.000 You fornicate with them? 1.00
00:06:06.000 Do you put them on your head? 0.97
00:06:07.000 Do you just motorboat or whatever?
00:06:09.000 And he goes, yeah, that's sort of that.
00:06:12.000 By the way, the reason I was talking to this guy is because we were talking about Albert Hammond Jr.
00:06:16.000 from The Strokes that we both knew.
00:06:18.000 And I said, he's dating some model chick right now, right?
00:06:21.000 He's always with a model. 0.56
00:06:22.000 And the guy who was fat and 6'3", he goes, yeah, I can't do that.
00:06:28.000 And I go, what do you mean?
00:06:28.000 And he goes, I'm a big guy, so I need a big girl.
00:06:30.000 I need big tits. 1.00
00:06:31.000 I can't do models. 1.00
00:06:32.000 I'll crush them. 0.94
00:06:34.000 And I was like, oh, yeah, you're a tit guy. 0.98
00:06:36.000 I've been meaning to speak to you guys. 0.99
00:06:38.000 What do you do with tits? 1.00
00:06:39.000 Anyway, he goes, no, you don't do anything with them. 0.97
00:06:42.000 It's a visual thing.
00:06:43.000 And the penny dropped.
00:06:48.000 Oh. 0.97
00:06:49.000 That's what's up with tits. 1.00
00:06:52.000 You don't, they're not really for your hands, they're for your eyes. 0.79
00:06:57.000 I've been spending all these years not getting them. 0.99
00:07:01.000 And I finally get big tits. 1.00
00:07:05.000 And then I became like a big tit aficionado after that. 0.99
00:07:10.000 In fact, I liked them too much.
00:07:11.000 There was this one girl, Nancy, I couldn't look at them during the act or it would just be fast forward to the end.
00:07:17.000 So I had to close my eyes or look away.
00:07:19.000 They started, if they really started bouncing, they would go in concentric circles that are just basically screaming, look at me, look at me.
00:07:26.000 And I'd be like, no, thank you.
00:07:29.000 Not looking at those, or we're at the end of the road!
00:07:34.000 There is no joy at the tavern as great as the road thereto, as Cormac McCarthy would say.
00:07:43.000 By the way, guys, I hate to repeat myself, but I cannot recommend enough Kevin Spacey when you're trying to last.
00:07:52.000 You picture his head floating above the bed about five feet tall.
00:07:56.000 I have no opinions on Kevin Spacey.
00:07:58.000 I don't like him or dislike him, but it works.
00:08:03.000 It buys you at least a minute and a half.
00:08:06.000 And I've had gentlemen come up to me on the street and say, dude, thank you for the Kevin Spacey tip.
00:08:11.000 It's way better than doing the alphabet backwards, or World Series champions, or baseball teams.
00:08:18.000 You're welcome.
00:08:19.000 You're welcome.
00:08:22.000 I tried numbing cream once.
00:08:24.000 KY numbing cream. 0.99
00:08:25.000 It's just like, it's just, you're now fornicating with someone else's phallus. 0.99
00:08:31.000 It's a strap-on. 0.99
00:08:33.000 It's not fun.
00:08:34.000 Although, I should say, I was listening to Ronnie Munn on Howard Stern, and he, I'm trying to keep this clean, he gets a butt plug.
00:08:46.000 He has, I think his wife has done him with a strap-on a couple times. 0.98
00:08:53.000 Is that gay? 0.98
00:08:56.000 Uh, yes. 1.00
00:08:57.000 That's pretty darn gay. 0.99
00:08:59.000 But, if she does something with your, that area, I don't think that's particularly gay. 0.99
00:09:04.000 Especially if you just try it once or twice. 0.97
00:09:06.000 If it's a thing you need, and it becomes like a major part of your bread and butter, then that's weird and you're gay. 0.99
00:09:14.000 And I have to admit, I do know a couple dudes who do that. 0.97
00:09:18.000 One of them is giant, by the way.
00:09:22.000 Huge guy.
00:09:22.000 And I know he likes when girls do that to him.
00:09:26.000 Uh, makes me uncomfortable.
00:09:28.000 And when he's around, I can't stop thinking about it.
00:09:31.000 It's sort of like in Austin Powers where that dude has a mole on his face. 0.74
00:09:35.000 Actually, that's true of gays too. 0.96
00:09:38.000 When you hang out with gays, even like a gay conservative square like Guy Benson, about 20% of your brain is like, 1.00
00:09:47.000 You got fucked in the ass. 1.00
00:09:49.000 You have jizz all over your face. 1.00
00:09:51.000 It goes in your beard. 0.99
00:09:52.000 It gets on your eyelashes.
00:09:57.000 But, that being said, and this could be my years in Quebec, around French people, I have no aversions to anyone's sex life like that. 0.97
00:10:09.000 That's an extreme example, obviously, and even then I don't care.
00:10:13.000 But, um, outside of pedophilia, obviously, I couldn't care less what people get up to, and I don't think anything is particularly weird. 0.96
00:10:24.000 Getting rammed with a strap-on on a regular basis isn't even that weird, it just means you're gay. 1.00
00:10:29.000 But, like, the occasional finger in there, whatever, none of my beeswax. 0.97
00:10:37.000 And so when they come up, when they find politicians who have had an affair or something, I go, as long as you're not doing it on a company time, it's none of my business, I don't care. 0.83
00:10:48.000 I think it sucks that you are cheating on your wife, but that's not what I hired.
00:10:53.000 I didn't hire you as a non-cheater. 0.98
00:10:55.000 I hired you to charge me less money for stuff and to do less things.
00:11:00.000 I've always said the best politician in the world would be a Japanese man who just sits in the White House and we only teach him one English word, no. 0.99
00:11:08.000 He doesn't know any other words.
00:11:10.000 And he just sits there and every time someone comes in and talks about a new budget, he says no.
00:11:16.000 All politicians should be like that. 0.99
00:11:22.000 So, that is why I'm freaked out by giant tits. 1.00
00:11:29.000 No, just kidding. 1.00
00:11:30.000 I love giant tits. 1.00
00:11:32.000 It's weird when you're married, you know, you see other tits and you go, I'll never have those tits. 1.00
00:11:38.000 And it's not like you pine for them. 0.99
00:11:39.000 That's one of the good things about sowing your wild oats. 0.98
00:11:42.000 Because you walk down the street and you see like a skinny black girl. 1.00
00:11:47.000 Yep.
00:11:48.000 A tall Asian. 0.74
00:11:49.000 Yep.
00:11:50.000 A feisty redhead. 1.00
00:11:51.000 Yep.
00:11:52.000 Like you have a file for everyone.
00:11:53.000 So I think in your wild oats years you should do as much variety as possible.
00:12:01.000 Horse around with as many girls as you can. 1.00
00:12:03.000 As you can.
00:12:03.000 I mean, like, types.
00:12:05.000 If you've already had a short blonde, then that's enough of that. 1.00
00:12:12.000 That blonde that I lost my virginity to, by the way, went great and everything. 0.99
00:12:16.000 And we're middle class, keep in mind.
00:12:20.000 She has like five kids. 0.98
00:12:22.000 Then she becomes a crackhead. 1.00
00:12:25.000 And I think she pursued it because the sex was better. 1.00
00:12:30.000 And I'm sure sex is great on crack.
00:12:34.000 I used to hang out with this dude Craig who I met through an anti-immigration thing and I was against immigration from when I was a very young man but it used to be for environmental reasons because I thought the earth was overpopulated and I know that open borders are the number one cause of overpopulation. 0.98
00:12:51.000 I've since strayed from that and now I'm against immigration because it sucks. 0.99
00:12:59.000 But, uh, so we hung out and we went to strip clubs together and did coke occasionally.
00:13:04.000 And, uh, I'm at a bar with him in D.C.
00:13:09.000 and he has little purple bumblebee socks.
00:13:12.000 Little short socks.
00:13:15.000 And he's wearing shorts.
00:13:16.000 And I'm looking at his little textured socks.
00:13:19.000 And you can wear kooky socks with a suit, but when you're wearing shorts and sneakers and you're a normie, like he would wear golf polos and stuff.
00:13:28.000 It just looks, well, I'll tell you what it looks like. 1.00
00:13:30.000 I said, nice socks, faggot. 1.00
00:13:34.000 And he goes, you know I'm gay, right? 1.00
00:13:37.000 And I said, what? 0.62
00:13:40.000 And he goes, yes, Gavin, you never listen to me.
00:13:45.000 I'm, and I said, wait a minute, we've been to strip clubs, and you talk about dating.
00:13:48.000 And he goes, yes, I talk about dating, and I tell every woman I date that I'm bisexual, and I like to be with men also.
00:13:55.000 And I go, well, I would have remembered that.
00:13:59.000 You did not make that clear, Craig.
00:14:02.000 And he goes, I have AIDS also.
00:14:04.000 I said, you what? 1.00
00:14:05.000 You have fucking AIDS? 1.00
00:14:09.000 This is... I'm joking around with a guy. 1.00
00:14:12.000 Nice socks, fag. 1.00
00:14:14.000 I could have said... I would have normally... A totally normal thing for me to say to a buddy is, nice socks, fag. 1.00
00:14:19.000 What, do you have AIDS? 1.00
00:14:20.000 And it was true. 0.99
00:14:22.000 He is gay and he does have HIV. 0.83
00:14:26.000 I don't know. 0.94
00:14:47.000 No, I'm not going to tell that story.
00:14:50.000 The Black and Blue was a circuit party, like a rave that gays would put on and straights, some straights would go to it too.
00:14:59.000 There's a weird infiltration going on that Chadwick Moore and Peter Lloyd were telling me about, where women are taking over the gay scene. 1.00
00:15:06.000 Don't worry, I'm not going to forget the original Craig thing.
00:15:10.000 But did you know that there are women on Grindr? 1.00
00:15:17.000 Grindr is a gay dating app where these men, and I've known gays my whole life, it's still hair whitening how much intercourse they have. 0.99
00:15:27.000 It's just, no wonder you have AIDS. 1.00
00:15:32.000 They say, Fred Phelps says, God hates fags. 1.00
00:15:34.000 Sometimes I think that AIDS is God. 1.00
00:15:38.000 Like, if an insect had sex as much as them, nature would have to come up with some sort of a stopgap.
00:15:47.000 Peter, maybe he doesn't want me saying this, but he was in New York last week. 0.98
00:15:51.000 He'd had sex with 20 men. 0.97
00:15:53.000 He was there for seven days. 0.96
00:15:55.000 That's three a day!
00:15:57.000 You're a bit... I don't want... Like, if I was in Motley Crue, I wouldn't want three groupies a day.
00:16:04.000 I'd be like, how about just after the show we horse around, okay?
00:16:08.000 I'm good.
00:16:08.000 I had some stuff this morning and I'm good.
00:16:12.000 Oh please, it's lunch!
00:16:14.000 Three times breakfast, lunch, and dinner. 0.98
00:16:17.000 You have as much sex as you have food. 0.96
00:16:19.000 Anyway, he showed me a grinder. 0.99
00:16:21.000 There's chicks! 1.00
00:16:23.000 And it's feminists not liking that there's a man-only space. 1.00
00:16:29.000 So they're saying, we're here to claim our space in this heteronormative, not heteronormative, gay-normative environment.
00:16:37.000 And so their write-up will say something like, looking for coffee, looking for a friend. 0.97
00:16:42.000 And gays, gays don't really like women. 0.99
00:16:44.000 Like men, dudes like me, we appreciate women.
00:16:49.000 And we
00:16:50.000 We put them on a pedestal and we're very happy they're here.
00:16:52.000 We like being just alone sometimes, sometimes, but we secretly worship women. 0.97
00:16:58.000 We see, as Ann Coulter says this, that we see them as celestial because they can create life. 0.93
00:17:05.000 Gays aren't like that. 0.99
00:17:07.000 I'll never forget this time. 0.99
00:17:08.000 My wife's a fruit fly. 1.00
00:17:10.000 She's a big fag hag. 1.00
00:17:12.000 And she was with Jeremy Scott's manager, and I think Jeremy Scott, and a bunch of fashion fags. 1.00
00:17:19.000 And they were posing for a picture.
00:17:22.000 And at the last second, one of them pushes my wife sort of out of the way and said, this one's just for the boys, sweetie.
00:17:32.000 And then they do the picture, San's girl.
00:17:35.000 And I looked at that moment and I thought, there is some latent, deep-seated, and perfectly natural, sexism in the gay community. 1.00
00:17:46.000 And it's the kind of sexism that you see in, like, Islam. 1.00
00:17:50.000 Like, bonafide sexism. 0.66
00:17:52.000 The sexism you get from the Archie Bunkers and the Me's is just like, I don't like when women drive. 1.00
00:17:57.000 They're always in the fast lane and the car's gotta pass on the slow lane.
00:18:01.000 It's annoying.
00:18:03.000 But they don't want to prevent women from having driver's licenses. 1.00
00:18:06.000 Gays would. 0.80
00:18:08.000 Gays are Muslims. 0.99
00:18:09.000 Anyway, they're not thrilled about this grinder thing. 1.00
00:18:12.000 They go, what the fuck is she doing here? 1.00
00:18:16.000 I'm scrolling through, trying to find my three of the day, which I don't even know, by the way, if Peter was, that was a lot. 0.97
00:18:24.000 Maybe that's a little.
00:18:26.000 Maybe that's like, for Lent, they try to take it down to three dudes.
00:18:31.000 I need some me time. 0.98
00:18:32.000 I'm only having sex with three men a day. 0.99
00:18:34.000 But you're scrolling through and then there's some chick named Lydia with a coffee mug. 1.00
00:18:38.000 Hi, wanna grab some tea?
00:18:41.000 What?
00:18:42.000 And then Chadwick Moore,
00:18:44.000 It was telling me that he's starting to see them in clubs.
00:18:49.000 And it's not fruit flies.
00:18:51.000 See, this is where it's weird. 0.80
00:18:53.000 We used to take over gay bars because a lot of the girls there were very libidinous. 1.00
00:18:59.000 Probably because they hang around with guys who have three partners a day, so their bell curve of what's normal sexuality gets skewed.
00:19:05.000 So you do well, straight guys, in gay bars.
00:19:08.000 But I feel like
00:19:10.000 When we did it, it wasn't annoying because we knew our place.
00:19:17.000 We were disliked.
00:19:19.000 We used to go to this club called The Hole. 1.00
00:19:20.000 I'm sure I told that story about the guy with the beer bottle up his ass. 0.99
00:19:30.000 The gays were getting mad that we were taking over the whole, but we were really taking it over. 0.99
00:19:34.000 We were getting up to 50% of the population. 0.54
00:19:37.000 That's bad.
00:19:38.000 We're like Muslims in that sense.
00:19:40.000 When we're more than 10% of the population, it becomes terror.
00:19:43.000 There's trouble.
00:19:45.000 But no, what's happening at gay bars is 0.99
00:19:50.000 Normal, like, sorority chicks are going to gay bars just, like, as a freak show. 1.00
00:19:55.000 And they'll be at the bar going, oh my god, I just saw two guys, like, Frenching. 0.98
00:20:00.000 I think one of them was going to give the other a blowy. 1.00
00:20:03.000 And they were in the bathroom, you guys.
00:20:06.000 Ew! 0.98
00:20:06.000 Oh my god! 0.98
00:20:07.000 Let me take a selfie with the gays. 1.00
00:20:12.000 Sort of like rich white people would do in the 70s, they'd go to Harlem for the novelty. 0.98
00:20:17.000 They'd go up there, they'd buy drugs, they'd look at all the Negroes and leave. 0.99
00:20:21.000 The blacks called them boomerangs. 0.93
00:20:23.000 Tacky Theodoropoulos was a boomerang back in the 70s and 80s, going to Harlem. 0.99
00:20:29.000 And that's what's happening in the gay scene. 0.93
00:20:33.000 Anyway, so we would do this at Black and Blue in Montreal.
00:20:38.000 Okay, I will tell you the story.
00:20:40.000 I was going down on a girl and she wasn't into it. 0.99
00:20:44.000 And I was listening to a techno band called 808 State in the room.
00:20:50.000 And I look up and she's staring at me just like someone is watching me on TV.
00:20:56.000 But I'm monging, as we used to say in Montreal.
00:21:00.000 And she goes, Oh, 808 State, you like techno? 1.00
00:21:03.000 I have a vagina in my mouth. 1.00
00:21:05.000 I'm like, 1.00
00:21:07.000 And she goes, are you gonna go to Black and Blue on Thursday?
00:21:10.000 And I'm like, yeah, I'm thinking about it.
00:21:14.000 We were having a conversation through her body.
00:21:17.000 That ended abruptly.
00:21:18.000 Anyway, so we go to the black and blue and you know what was interesting about black and blue too?
00:21:22.000 I've been around trans people since you were in diapers. 0.99
00:21:26.000 I remember trans in the 80s going to anarchist gatherings with punk rockers and back then I remember them being mentally ill gays who would say weird shit about sexualization of children and stuff. 1.00
00:21:40.000 I knew they were nuts back then. 1.00
00:21:43.000 But I also remember a trainee would fuck you up. 1.00
00:21:46.000 Trainees were scary. 1.00
00:21:48.000 They'd beat you with their heels. 0.99
00:21:49.000 You'd never, even gays, like trainees were their own thing. 0.93
00:21:53.000 And at Black and Blue, they had their own area where they would be super high. 1.00
00:21:57.000 They're all drug addicts, by the way. 0.91
00:21:59.000 That's why they go, we're dying. 0.95
00:22:01.000 We have an incredible death rate. 1.00
00:22:03.000 Yeah, you also go home with huge black eyes and don't tell them that you have a penis until the 11th hour. 1.00
00:22:10.000 And you're doing math for days. 0.99
00:22:13.000 So those people tend to have some trouble.
00:22:15.000 Like, remember Matthew Shepard?
00:22:18.000 That horrible example of homophobia, and he was beaten because he was gay, and he was murdered, and there's all these movies about it, and liberals still talk about it. 0.54
00:22:26.000 Oh, that guy who burned himself alive! 0.72
00:22:28.000 Oh, no, no, that was someone else, sorry. 0.96
00:22:31.000 Yeah, Matthew Shepard was doing meth, and he got caught up in a bad drug deal, and he got killed by fellow meth heads, whom I think were gay. 0.98
00:22:39.000 At least one of them was also gay. 0.77
00:22:43.000 So it's not an example of homophobia if you're such a meth head that you die. 0.98
00:22:49.000 Anyway, these guys, I remember seeing them at Black and Blue once and they were dancing around and one of them barfed, not remotely unusual, and one of them slipped in the barf and fell in it. 0.85
00:23:02.000 on her dress.
00:23:03.000 Z's dress. 1.00
00:23:05.000 Got barf all over the ass of Z's dress. 1.00
00:23:07.000 No one blinked. 1.00
00:23:09.000 No one changed their behavior.
00:23:11.000 No one even laughed amongst the tranny circle, which was way off in a corner. 1.00
00:23:15.000 They just kept dancing.
00:23:16.000 They were high.
00:23:18.000 Kept on giving her. 0.99
00:23:21.000 If I was dancing with someone and one of us barfed, we would go, holy shat! 0.98
00:23:29.000 Laugh our heads off, try to take pictures. 0.92
00:23:31.000 That would be the end of the night.
00:23:32.000 That guy would go home.
00:23:33.000 We'd get a mop.
00:23:35.000 We'd leave.
00:23:36.000 I mean, it would be a huge deal. 0.93
00:23:38.000 Not for trannies! 1.00
00:23:40.000 But anyway, I guess Craig was at the same one. 0.99
00:23:44.000 And he said he had sex for 35 hours straight.
00:23:49.000 Well, straight's a bad choice of words.
00:23:51.000 Non-stop.
00:23:53.000 Like, I go, wait a minute.
00:23:54.000 If you were to just wiggle your ear,
00:23:57.000 For 36 hours straight, there'd be blood everywhere. 0.98
00:24:01.000 You look at marathon runners, they have to put tape on their nipples because the nipples rubbing their shirt as they jog rips their nipples off. 1.00
00:24:09.000 What the hell does sex, gay sex, do for 36 hours? 1.00
00:24:16.000 Of course you're going to get AIDS. 1.00
00:24:20.000 It's like you're trying to get AIDS.
00:24:23.000 I almost feel like saying to AIDS, I understand. 1.00
00:24:25.000 I get you, AIDS.
00:24:28.000 I think the AIDS in his body were sort of doing that emoji that's shrugging. 0.91
00:24:32.000 Like, sorry, dude.
00:24:33.000 36 hours.
00:24:35.000 You know, we gave you, we let you write off eight hours.
00:24:38.000 That was fine.
00:24:40.000 That was off the clock, but eventually the tax man has to come.
00:24:44.000 You gotta pay your dues.
00:24:47.000 So anyway, he got AIDS.
00:24:50.000 And at my wedding, which we remained friends, at my wedding he got me a double CD of house music and a vial of meth.
00:25:07.000 That was my wedding present from him.
00:25:09.000 By the way, that's pretty cheap, dude.
00:25:12.000 The mixed CD you made, you could have made that for your boyfriend.
00:25:15.000 He liked Asians.
00:25:17.000 And Asians who like Asians are called Sticky Rice.
00:25:19.000 He taught me that.
00:25:21.000 Colloquialism.
00:25:22.000 But, um... Yeah, it's a double CD mix, which you could have already made for someone else.
00:25:27.000 I'll take your word for it.
00:25:29.000 And then meth.
00:25:29.000 I assume meth is cheap.
00:25:31.000 Right?
00:25:32.000 If it's hillbillies, mostly.
00:25:33.000 It's gotta be like five bucks.
00:25:35.000 So anyway, it looks like, uh, it's a vial, the same kind of vial that you buy cocaine in.
00:25:40.000 And it has, it looks like, uh, stalagmites in it.
00:25:43.000 It looks like Superman's house.
00:25:46.000 But, with some oil in there, and you shake it up, and the oil liquefies the mess.
00:25:50.000 And then, he wanted me to put it on my area.
00:25:55.000 Mine and my wife-to-be's swimsuit areas.
00:25:58.000 We're supposed to apply it there.
00:25:59.000 I'm like, Jesus, Craig, didn't you get AIDS from this very thing?
00:26:08.000 You're not thwarted, are you? 0.98
00:26:10.000 Is that a gay thing? 0.93
00:26:12.000 They really just... They're not... It's not like reality ever slaps them in the face.
00:26:17.000 I read recently Jackie Chan, who I think is gay by the way, but Jackie Chan's lesbian daughter is homeless and living on the streets. 1.00
00:26:25.000 And you hear that and you go, well, you're mentally ill. 1.00
00:26:29.000 Sorry, it's America. 1.00
00:26:31.000 There's no true poverty.
00:26:34.000 If you're poor, you gotta fix it here.
00:26:37.000 There's no excuses.
00:26:39.000 And I mean, like, starving.
00:26:41.000 If you're starving and on the streets, eh, sorry.
00:26:45.000 I think I read this morning the railroads are offering $25,000 bonuses for anyone who will do hard labor.
00:26:53.000 It's the same with Britain, too.
00:26:54.000 I talked to a farmer up there who said, the reason we have a lot of illegal Polacks doing the picking and everything is because British people won't do it.
00:27:02.000 Young people won't do it. 1.00
00:27:04.000 And I said, what if you paid them 30 pounds an hour?
00:27:07.000 And he goes, it's not the money.
00:27:08.000 We've tried raising the salaries.
00:27:10.000 They don't do it.
00:27:11.000 I guess I'm making an argument for that.
00:27:13.000 Open borders.
00:27:14.000 Jobs Americans won't do. 1.00
00:27:15.000 Well, I think it's indicative of a pattern.
00:27:19.000 It's like the chicken or the egg thing.
00:27:21.000 We've had open borders for so long that we've had illegal immigrants doing teenagers' jobs and we've killed teenagers' economic libido. 0.98
00:27:28.000 Now I'm drifting into serious talk the way we usually do on the TV version of GOML.
00:27:35.000 The podcast is meant to be laid back and groovy.
00:27:37.000 But yeah, teenagers don't do jobs anymore.
00:27:39.000 It drives me mental.
00:27:42.000 Every waiter has an accent.
00:27:44.000 Even in, like, the suburbs.
00:27:46.000 Hello, can I get your order, please?
00:27:48.000 Where are you from?
00:27:49.000 Oh, I'm from Brazil.
00:27:50.000 But you're 17.
00:27:52.000 How did you get here?
00:27:53.000 I'm actually 21, sir.
00:27:54.000 What was your pitch at Ellis Island?
00:27:57.000 I'd like to be a waiter in the suburbs, please.
00:28:01.000 Where are all the teens? 0.99
00:28:02.000 I have so many stupid, odd jobs around my house that I end up doing. 0.99
00:28:08.000 But the only other person that could do them is, is like a guy that you, a handyman that you'd pay like a hundred dollars an hour. 0.99
00:28:14.000 Who are the teenagers climbing up on the roof risking their lives for 20 bucks?
00:28:20.000 Anyway, he gave that to me and I go, I'm not doing that, dude.
00:28:24.000 Um, so I shook it up and I looked at it.
00:28:27.000 That's cool.
00:28:28.000 And then I poured it in the toilet and I got some on my fingers and I think I did math through my fingers.
00:28:33.000 I think I absorbed it through osmosis because I started
00:28:38.000 Sending emails after that on my computer and it was like, you know when Adderall kicks in and you start out on your keyboard like... and then it starts going... and then it's just like... and then it's just...
00:29:01.000 It becomes a frequency and then you check your outbox and you go, wow, I just sent 850 emails, including about seven to friends from high school that I haven't spoken to in 30 years.
00:29:16.000 Hey Eddie, what's up man? 0.98
00:29:20.000 But yeah, tits are cool. 1.00
00:29:24.000 Tits are an acquired taste. 1.00
00:29:28.000 I'll tell you what isn't cool, though. 1.00
00:29:30.000 Fake tits. 1.00
00:29:31.000 I did a girl with fake tits once. 1.00
00:29:33.000 Whose idea was that? 0.99
00:29:35.000 The only time men don't like a type of tit, and this is true of men in their late 20s and up. 0.99
00:29:42.000 Young men are very picky about tits. 0.98
00:29:45.000 They don't get 1.00
00:29:46.000 They don't really get intercourse.
00:29:48.000 They don't get beauty. 0.73
00:29:49.000 They're like, ew, she's got an extra roll. 0.63
00:29:51.000 Ew, gross. 0.98
00:29:52.000 There's a zit on her bum. 0.99
00:29:54.000 I'm barfing. 0.98
00:29:55.000 That's greasy kid stuff.
00:29:58.000 When you get to be 26 and up, you're like, ah, she brushed her teeth.
00:30:02.000 No thanks.
00:30:03.000 Or she's too skinny. 1.00
00:30:05.000 There's not enough. 1.00
00:30:06.000 She has no zits on her ass. 1.00
00:30:08.000 No thanks. 1.00
00:30:09.000 Like Napoleon used to ask Josephine not to shower for the week before he came back from battle because he didn't want her to smell like soap.
00:30:19.000 That's something you have to be a real man to understand.
00:30:22.000 You should see James Joyce's letters to his wife. 0.98
00:30:26.000 His dirty letters, you farting farter. 0.98
00:30:29.000 Lots of stuff about farting. 0.99
00:30:32.000 Which I get. 0.99
00:30:34.000 But, I've seen a couple terrible tits. 1.00
00:30:38.000 One time there was, we were at a strip club, and there was a woman who had tits that were so meatless that you just take your t-shirt, pull it up by the tits, and now fold it down. 1.00
00:30:50.000 Just cloth. 0.99
00:30:52.000 They were totally empty.
00:30:54.000 You see this with a lot of African American strippers in New York. 1.00
00:30:57.000 I think, my theory is, could be from multiple abortions. 0.99
00:31:01.000 I think abortions ruin your boobs. 1.00
00:31:03.000 Cause they, maybe they inflate cause when you're pregnant and then when you lose the baby they deflate and that happens like ten times and they're gone. 0.83
00:31:13.000 They say having kids ruins your boobs. 0.99
00:31:14.000 I don't know. 0.92
00:31:15.000 I have not noticed that.
00:31:16.000 But the one deal breaker, and it's one of two deal breakers with women, the one deal breaker with boobs is completely meatless pizza slices. 1.00
00:31:27.000 Then I would recommend a tit job. 0.98
00:31:30.000 But you shouldn't be having kids, especially not girls, because you want to end that evolutionary trajectory of pizza tits. 1.00
00:31:38.000 You should be the last pizza tit wearer. 0.99
00:31:39.000 Oh, by the way, guys, handy tip. 0.99
00:31:42.000 If you're talking to a girl out of your league, and this is in my movie, How to Be a Man, imagine her having pizza tits, like the worst, most horrible, hairy nipples on earth, and then you're talking to this 10, but you're doing her a favor, because she's a circus freak, and you're much more relaxed around her. 0.99
00:31:58.000 You're like, hey, hi pizza tits. 1.00
00:32:01.000 Meanwhile, you're talking to Gabriette. 0.97
00:32:04.000 Go look up the Instagram, Gabriette.
00:32:06.000 I think it's the most attractive woman in the world right now. 0.99
00:32:09.000 But if you're gonna talk to a Gabriette, you, uh, deflate her tits in your mind, and now you're talking to, like, a seven. 0.99
00:32:17.000 That's cool. 0.99
00:32:18.000 So anyway there was a strip club where I think I went with my girlfriend and we're talking to this black stripper and as she leaned forward I think we were both so horrified by her terrible tits that I think we involuntarily gasped like and then she sort of held them 0.98
00:32:37.000 And by the way, did I tell you about my buddy Clark? 0.97
00:32:40.000 Who's in jail?
00:32:58.000 He was dating a pizza tit.
00:33:00.000 So, he meets a girl in Ohio, falls in love with her, huh?
00:33:06.000 Wait, why am I saying huh?
00:33:07.000 I didn't give you enough evidence.
00:33:09.000 It's normal to fall in love.
00:33:11.000 But falls madly in love with her.
00:33:12.000 He has a handgun, as everyone in Ohio does.
00:33:14.000 Hollow point shells, I believe, which isn't smart.
00:33:17.000 Anyway, she goes, I'm going back to Brooklyn.
00:33:19.000 I'm just visiting Ohio.
00:33:20.000 And he goes, okay, I'll come with you.
00:33:22.000 He goes with her. 1.00
00:33:23.000 And this woman is a slut. 1.00
00:33:25.000 And she has terrible tits. 1.00
00:33:26.000 And she's old to be a single woman in New York. 0.99
00:33:29.000 She's like 30, 32, which is ancient in New York.
00:33:34.000 And her parents pay her rent. 0.98
00:33:35.000 She lives in Williamsburg. 0.98
00:33:36.000 And she just fucks around, parties, and goes on Tinder, and fornicates, and Netflix, and chills, and has people buy her stuff. 1.00
00:33:44.000 Just like, way to go, feminism. 1.00
00:33:47.000 Look what you've done.
00:33:48.000 Oh, we freed women from the kitchen. 1.00
00:33:50.000 Now they're just colostomy bags for strangers come.
00:33:54.000 Great.
00:33:55.000 Way to go.
00:33:56.000 What a life.
00:33:57.000 Let's line up an hour and a half for brunch for the rest of our lives.
00:33:57.000 That's fun.
00:34:01.000 Like that woman, Amanda Marcotte, who keeps calling me a Nazi in Ceylon.
00:34:07.000 I just look at her and I think, what wonderful liberation these feminists have given you. 1.00
00:34:14.000 You get to be lonely and old and dumped.
00:34:18.000 That's great.
00:34:19.000 Thank God you're not burdened with a family and people who love you and will stand by you forever.
00:34:27.000 But um Yeah, so he he's living with her in Williamsburg.
00:34:32.000 This is like a few months ago Our first time I met him I beat him up because he pulled a knife on me And then I thought he had a wire, but it was an insulin pump That's another story.
00:34:42.000 I think I've already told but he comes back and she's cheating and 1.00
00:34:47.000 She's in bed with another guy. 0.99
00:34:49.000 This pizza tits gets around. 1.00
00:34:52.000 And so he gets in a fight with the guy and she starts screaming and she calls the cops. 1.00
00:34:56.000 How many guys are in jail for stupid shit like this? 1.00
00:35:00.000 It's amazing. 1.00
00:35:00.000 I interviewed Michelle Malkin about people wrongfully accused in prison and it is spellbinding. 1.00
00:35:06.000 That'll air on Monday.
00:35:08.000 We'll show that on Get Off My Lawn. 0.83
00:35:10.000 They're really amazing how many people spend like 20 years in jail based on a woman lying about rape or child molestation. 0.88
00:35:18.000 Pretty rough.
00:35:19.000 Anywho, she gets in a fight with a guy, she calls the cops, and the cops come, and she says, is he a danger to you?
00:35:26.000 And she goes, I don't think so, maybe, I don't know.
00:35:29.000 And they go, does he have anything that can hurt you, any weapons?
00:35:32.000 And she goes, oh yeah, he's got a handgun in his glove compartment from Ohio.
00:35:38.000 Now, in the cop world,
00:35:40.000 Getting a gun off the street is a big deal.
00:35:43.000 There's even like a phrase for it that I forgot.
00:35:46.000 It's called a collar.
00:35:47.000 No, it's not a collar.
00:35:48.000 There's some term for getting an unlicensed gun, which is all guns in New York.
00:35:53.000 Maybe 10 people are allowed to carry guns.
00:35:57.000 And you know, with cops, if you arrest a dude in Central Park for smoking a marijuana cigarette and you bring him into the station, you get made fun of.
00:36:04.000 You catch a girl shoplifting, they go, oh, thanks for helping her.
00:36:07.000 I'm here with someone who murdered three people.
00:36:09.000 You got a shoplifter?
00:36:10.000 Ha ha ha.
00:36:11.000 They tease you.
00:36:12.000 They're very mean, cops.
00:36:14.000 If you jump because you're scared of a Chihuahua, you will be Chihuahua Man for the rest of your life.
00:36:21.000 On your locker, there'll be Chihuahua pictures.
00:36:23.000 There'll be a stuffed Chihuahua on your desk. 0.56
00:36:25.000 You'll be that guy forever.
00:36:27.000 They never let up.
00:36:28.000 Anyway, the opposite is true of guys who get a gun.
00:36:31.000 That's a huge deal.
00:36:33.000 That looks great on your resume.
00:36:35.000 You're in big with the boss.
00:36:37.000 You're just, you're set for life.
00:36:39.000 It's great to get a gun.
00:36:40.000 So, of course, they're gonna throw the book at him.
00:36:43.000 Now I thought, I was always told you get five years in prison for having a gun, guaranteed in New York, but that's not the case.
00:36:50.000 That's if there's other charges.
00:36:53.000 As far as non-offenders go, first-time offenders, seventy percent of people in the Bronx, for example, don't serve time when they get caught with a gun.
00:37:04.000 But Clark is, and he's sitting in Rikers right now, 0.96
00:37:10.000 Speaking of giant tits, this all comes around. 1.00
00:37:12.000 We brought him a chick, my friend's girlfriend. 0.99
00:37:15.000 We brought his girlfriend with us to visit him at Rikers. 0.78
00:37:19.000 Now, someone said that's kind of a cuck thing.
00:37:23.000 And I go, not really.
00:37:24.000 I mean, I wouldn't do it with my wife, but you're behind plexiglass. 1.00
00:37:31.000 So he's just looking at someone.
00:37:36.000 You know?
00:37:41.000 And you're not touching her, obviously.
00:37:43.000 And it's just eye candy. 0.93
00:37:45.000 And also, this guy's in hell.
00:37:46.000 It's not like he's golfing and you bring him a chick to look at. 1.00
00:37:49.000 Hey, wanna look at some big boobs while you golf? 1.00
00:37:52.000 No, he almost got raped, by the way. 1.00
00:37:55.000 Some giant black dude. 1.00
00:37:57.000 I'm the show, I think. 0.99
00:38:23.000 They don't like the gays, so that black dude who tried to bone Clark is persona non grata. 0.96
00:38:30.000 In fact, I think they had to move him to a whole other section. 0.98
00:38:33.000 Anyway, we went down to Rikers with our chick. 0.99
00:38:35.000 We get there and some asshole's already visited them. 0.99
00:38:38.000 You're only allowed one day, so back out we go. 0.99
00:38:42.000 A lot of sad couples.
00:38:43.000 A lot of single moms with little kids in the visiting section of Rikers with lip rings and bad tattoos and they look really haggard. 0.94
00:38:53.000 They've been through the ringer, these poor ladies. 1.00
00:38:56.000 They've definitely had a, you know, they were performing fellatio for crack portion of their life that you can see on their face. 0.99
00:39:04.000 Kind of like feminists. 1.00
00:39:06.000 Who keeps calling me?
00:39:09.000 Can you take that somewhere else?
00:39:12.000 I guess we had an interview today. 0.99
00:39:15.000 Um, but uh, yeah, he went to jail for pizza tits and I said to him, I go, Clark, I understand you're going to jail for a gabriette, but why are you going to jail for tits like that? 0.99
00:39:31.000 And then he just sent me the emoji of the person shrugging because that's what, that's the hand that life deals you sometimes. 0.98
00:39:39.000 Life dealt him diabetes.
00:39:41.000 He's had worse luck.
00:39:46.000 Remember the other stripper story with big droopers?
00:39:49.000 And this, by the way, men like droopers when they get to be 30. 1.00
00:39:51.000 Like long, long hanging tits. 1.00
00:39:54.000 As long as there's meat there, they can be anything. 0.99
00:39:57.000 Like the women have that test right with the two pencils? 1.00
00:39:59.000 We can do like five to ten pencils, new props. 0.99
00:40:04.000 They can hang down like penises during doggie. 0.98
00:40:07.000 That's fine with us. 0.99
00:40:08.000 Please bring it on. 1.00
00:40:10.000 And I've said this to young men, like 21 year olds, and they go, fuck that man. 1.00
00:40:13.000 And I just smile like a sloth and I think, you'll get here buddy, you'll get here. 1.00
00:40:23.000 But we were at the strip club, and this woman with big, saggy dugs, she's a Puerto Rican single mom, and she's wearing the normal stripper uniform, right? 1.00
00:40:33.000 This was at a really seedy strip club, which is the only time you want to go, called Fox's, and it was in Queens, just right by the BQE, right by the highway.
00:40:46.000 And by the way, that was a big problem in Montreal.
00:40:48.000 It's so sex positive that the women will have like bare feet and no tattoos and they'll just be very libidinous young ladies that enjoy sex and like to show their bodies off. 1.00
00:40:58.000 And their parents are still married.
00:41:00.000 And you go, meh, that's not really what we're going for here.
00:41:05.000 We're going for seedy.
00:41:06.000 It's a seedy thing.
00:41:08.000 It's sort of like church, but for busted hoes. 1.00
00:41:13.000 Like you go there to worship busted hoes and admire their beauty. 1.00
00:41:18.000 You don't go there to see horny ladies that enjoy their lives. 1.00
00:41:22.000 That's not cool.
00:41:24.000 Anyway, so she's fitting the description perfectly.
00:41:27.000 In fact, she has black socks on.
00:41:31.000 Like your dad's socks. 0.59
00:41:33.000 So me and Trevor are admiring her, and I'm actually kind of turned on by how gross it looks.
00:41:39.000 I've always been a big socks with heels guy.
00:41:43.000 There's nothing... Italians do this so beautifully.
00:41:45.000 They wear socks with high heel shoes.
00:41:47.000 It looks so good.
00:41:47.000 I'm a huge, huge proponent of that.
00:41:49.000 Even like the ZZ Top girls, the accelerator girls, when they have the little bobby socks.
00:41:54.000 That's awesome, too.
00:41:55.000 I'll take any sock with a heel, any day of the week. 0.99
00:41:59.000 Unless it's too thick, like an American Apparel sports sock, that looks stupid. 0.98
00:42:02.000 But like, thin material? 0.99
00:42:04.000 Wow.
00:42:05.000 In fact, I know a guy who married his wife, and I said, what first marriage?
00:42:09.000 And he goes, first date.
00:42:10.000 She had socks with heels, and I fell madly in love with her, and now we're married.
00:42:20.000 So we go, I like the socks.
00:42:23.000 What's with the socks?
00:42:24.000 And she leans down. 0.90
00:42:25.000 And by the way, as she leans down, her boobs are getting in the way of our face. 1.00
00:42:29.000 Like they're in, they're going to hit us in the face.
00:42:31.000 So she has to grab them and pull them into her so they don't swing and hit us. 0.96
00:42:37.000 And, uh, she says one of my favorite quotes of all time.
00:42:41.000 She goes, they're for medicinal purposes.
00:42:45.000 Like, she was mad.
00:42:46.000 She thought we were making fun of her.
00:42:48.000 We're being totally sincere. 1.00
00:42:49.000 We both did really enjoy the grossness of the socks with the heels, and her single mom-ness, and her weird, shitty, homemade tattoos, and her chewing gum, and her zit on her ass. 1.00
00:42:59.000 We loved it all. 1.00
00:43:01.000 But she was defensive.
00:43:02.000 And then she leaves.
00:43:03.000 And then, like, an hour later, we go, wait a minute.
00:43:06.000 What does that mean?
00:43:08.000 Does she have eczema on her feet? 1.00
00:43:11.000 And she has to sort of take the hand lotion and go,
00:43:15.000 And fill the black sock with some sort of lotion and then put it on to keep them moist They're probably just orthopedic I'm realizing now like you know those socks that old people have they have socks and underwear and Spanx and all kinds of things that like support their muscles or something. 0.98
00:43:31.000 I don't really understand how it works But that must have been it 0.97
00:43:36.000 But yeah, tits are an amazing, incredible thing. 1.00
00:43:41.000 You know why they were invented, right? 1.00
00:43:43.000 Because we were ass men when we were cavemen, and then we started walking upright, and men just see this face, and they're like, eh, where's your ass? 0.99
00:43:52.000 It's way back here. 1.00
00:43:52.000 Eh, I'm not horny anymore. 1.00
00:43:54.000 And so they go, wait a minute, wait a minute. 1.00
00:43:56.000 I'm growing an ass on my chest. 1.00
00:43:59.000 And so they develop these protruding ass-like things on their chest to keep our interest. 1.00
00:44:04.000 So we're now... So to say, are you an ass man or a tit man? 1.00
00:44:08.000 It's basically the same thing. 1.00
00:44:10.000 Tits are asses. 1.00
00:44:11.000 Which is why I think gays are lying when they say they don't like tits. 1.00
00:44:14.000 Come on! 0.99
00:44:16.000 Who was it, the gay guy on my show on Friday, on CRTV Tonight, I was talking to him after, and he was like, yeah, no, not a tit guy, I don't think, I don't see the appeal. 1.00
00:44:28.000 I get that you guys don't like vaginas. 1.00
00:44:30.000 I understand those are literally an acquired taste, but how can you not like boobs, you liar? 1.00
00:44:36.000 And then the other, hang on, a lot of homos, as you can see. 1.00
00:44:39.000 Peter Lloyd was,
00:44:45.000 Agreeing with me, saying, no, no, no, that's- Chris Barron was the original guy.
00:44:49.000 He said, Chris is wrong.
00:44:50.000 Chris is wrong. 0.99
00:44:50.000 We like tits. 0.99
00:44:52.000 And that's why I don't like fake tits. 1.00
00:44:54.000 They're just- the deal's over. 0.99
00:44:55.000 My dad could have fake tits. 1.00
00:44:58.000 So you have something in your body that I can have. 0.99
00:45:00.000 You just- the whole basis of attraction is that we have opposite characteristics, and you're emphasizing those.
00:45:07.000 Women can grow hair longer than men, so we like women with long hair. 0.99
00:45:10.000 Women have, you know, smaller shoulders, so we like to see your shoulders. 1.00
00:45:14.000 Women have bigger butts and longer, more, longer, you know, thinner, smoother, more voluptuous legs. 1.00
00:45:22.000 So we like high-heeled shoes because they put the butt out and they elongate the leg. 0.98
00:45:27.000 Women get flushed when they're having intercourse, so we like you to put rouge on your cheeks and your lips. 1.00
00:45:33.000 Women have longer eyelashes, so we like you to have mascara on to make your eyelashes even more exaggeratedly bigger. 1.00
00:45:40.000 Women have smaller hands than men, so we like to draw attention to it by putting red nail polish on. 1.00
00:45:48.000 And then fake tits are just, oh yeah, man can make things. 1.00
00:45:51.000 I dated a stripper once who, uh, she, I would make out with her and we went away on vacation together. 0.99
00:45:58.000 She's really cool.
00:45:59.000 I'm a big fan of her if you're listening. 0.61
00:46:01.000 And, uh, she sat me down about a week into the relationship and said, you need to be spending some time on my breasts. 1.00
00:46:09.000 Because I would be like, make out with the face, make out with the neck, shoulder, everything else, everything down south. 0.98
00:46:19.000 And when I would get to the tits, I'd sort of go, and then every other area but the tits. 1.00
00:46:27.000 Her tits were never touched. 1.00
00:46:29.000 Because I could feel the fucking seam. 1.00
00:46:30.000 I could feel the seam of the bag. 0.99
00:46:35.000 It's like your instinct is to get that out of there.
00:46:39.000 This is an unfortunate analogy, but my son had a palate expander and you're supposed to go in there into his mouth with a screwdriver and tweak it once a day so it pushes his teeth apart again.
00:46:52.000 As a parent, you just see something lodged in your child and it goes against all your instincts.
00:46:59.000 It looks like shrapnel in your child.
00:47:01.000 You just want to rip it out.
00:47:03.000 In fact, I said to the dentist, you know what?
00:47:04.000 This thing has got to come out.
00:47:06.000 We're good.
00:47:06.000 His palate has expanded.
00:47:07.000 I don't want it in there.
00:47:09.000 I don't want things in my children.
00:47:11.000 And back when I was single, I didn't want bags in my lovers. 0.99
00:47:17.000 Anyway, the moral of the story is men love 99% of tits. 0.96
00:47:23.000 And women, if you're feeling judged or you feel like there are some unattainable standards that you're being given in society, I guarantee you, 0.98
00:47:33.000 That 100% of those unattainable standards were given to you by other women and homosexuals. 1.00
00:47:40.000 Thank you.
00:47:41.000 Please check out CRTV Tonight with Gavin McInnes every second Friday.
00:47:45.000 We also have Get Off My Lawn the Show on CRTV.com.
00:47:48.000 Put in the promo code GAVIN, you get 10% off.
00:47:51.000 And this podcast... Oh, I got a big... I'm going to a free speech rally with Tommy Robinson on Sunday.
00:47:56.000 Antifa have said they're going to be there to kill us, so there's going to be a brawl.
00:48:01.000 I'm a 47-year-old man going to a riot on Sunday to fight.
00:48:06.000 That'll be fun.
00:48:08.000 My old white beard in a fistfight.
00:48:12.000 And then we'll be back Monday.
00:48:13.000 I think I'll air the Michelle Malkin interview on Monday, which I highly recommend.
00:48:17.000 She's talking about hospitals kidnapping kids so they can have a research subject, and she's talking about cops in jail for 20 years based on a lie.
00:48:27.000 It's really... my mind, as I said yesterday, looked like Kurt Cobain's by the time she was done telling me all this.
00:48:34.000 Anyway, I like you more than a friend.
00:48:35.000 Bye.