Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - May 08, 2018


Get Off My Lawn Podcast #48 | I invented a new diet

Topics
beer fasting rally beer diet beer diet
Hosted by
Gavin McInnes
Mentioned
Ali Dawah Karl Marx Bud Light Hitler Cheap Rich Guys Anthony Civarelli Milo Yiannopoulos Michelle Malkin Muhammad Hijab Muhammad Jihab Count Dankula Donald Glover Katie Hopkins Amy Schumer Grey Goose Jim Gold Andy Capp Valentine Roebling Tattoos and 8 more
Get Off My Lawn Podcast #47 | My wife asked Nick Cave what he has for lunch last night Get Off My Lawn Podcast #49 | A lot of my buddies are being framed

Episode Stats


Length

30 minutes

Words per minute

178.53

Word count

5,475

Sentence count

550

Harmful content

Misogyny

30

sentences flagged

Toxicity

92

sentences flagged

Hate speech

35

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Gavin explains his new diet and why he doesn t want to go to The Penises Drops on Thursday. He also talks about the new economy in Britain and why the poor are getting fat on welfare. And he explains why he wants to starve himself to death to make sure the family eats together. And he talks about how he doesn't want to be invited into the green room anymore. This episode was produced by Alex Blumberg and edited by Annie-Rose Strasser. It was mixed by Matthew Boll. Our theme song is Come Alone by The Weakerthans courtesy of Lotuspool Records. The album art for this episode was done by Dee McDonnell and was mixed and mixed by Patrick Muldowney. It was edited by Bobby Lord. Special thanks to Caitlin Durante. Music by Jeff Kaale. Art: Mackenzie Moore Music: Hayden Coplen Editor: Will Witwer Mixing: Haley Shaw Additional mixing and mastering: Matthew Boll Art Direction: Patrick McElroy Jeff Kaplan Steve Kwan Mike McLaughlin Matt Newell Bobby Lord John Rocha Matthew McElory James Herrell Ben Kaczewski Michael McLennan Patrick McKirdy Jake Chapman Paul Kasinski Daniel Baugh Julian Wolfe Ian Brodsky Morello Jack Williams Chris McElmore Dan Kotchick Chad Kacch Peter McElton Alex Blanchard Joe Pesci , Isamu & more! and more . And so much more ...and much more. Thank you for listening to this episode (featuring a song written by Ben Korsch ) Thanks to the amazing people who sent us out on this episode of the podcast, and the amazing work done by the band - and , and in tribute to the band The Penis Drops is a tribute song by the amazing thanks to the late, great thanks to our good vibes and the band, and the beautiful people who helped us to make it so much so much etc. and so on and so much thanks to you for all the support we got the chance to help us out in the process

Transcript

Transcripts from "Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 I invented a new diet.
00:00:05.000 Some of my lady friends are denying that.
00:00:10.000 You didn't invent a new diet, because I've been talking about this quite a bit, I'm very proud of myself, but I feel like I've discovered something in the chick world, because dieting is a chick thing, and so I try it out. 0.99
00:00:23.000 And I just nail it instantly.
00:00:25.000 And they're like, no, it's actually harder than that.
00:00:27.000 You know, The Emperor's New Clothes. 0.95
00:00:29.000 These women who have been buying their Pendletons where they have a $3,000 bicycle that yells at you or going to the SoulCycle class or all this yoga crap. 1.00
00:00:40.000 Yoga. 0.83
00:00:41.000 Yeah, I'm really working out.
00:00:43.000 I stretched.
00:00:45.000 God, even Jim Gold was telling me that I'm trying to defend yoga.
00:00:49.000 He's like, I'd like to see you last.
00:00:52.000 Yeah, it's painful.
00:00:54.000 That doesn't mean you're burning calories. 0.99
00:00:57.000 Go stab yourself. 1.00
00:00:58.000 That's not burning calories. 1.00
00:01:00.000 You're just stretching.
00:01:02.000 It's just painful stretching.
00:01:03.000 Yoga should be reserved for people who have been caught shoplifting.
00:01:07.000 And instead of bogging down the courts and wasting cop's time, you have to go to another room in the back and stretch until you... It's like the stretching rack, right?
00:01:15.000 It's a medieval torture.
00:01:16.000 It's good.
00:01:18.000 But I noticed...
00:01:21.000 A couple weeks ago, I think this is because I started driving my motorcycle to the train station, and I used to ride my bicycle, and I noticed I was getting fat.
00:01:30.000 So I switched back to bicycle.
00:01:32.000 Well, that wasn't solving the problem. 0.99
00:01:36.000 The problem was, I couldn't see my penis anymore. 0.99
00:01:40.000 I was in the shower, I was looking down at the water, cascading across this giant beer belly, and the drops were falling, and I couldn't see what was going on with the penis drops. 0.99
00:01:53.000 Oh! 0.98
00:01:54.000 That reminds me, the penis drops are playing at Mercury Lounge on Thursday, if any of you guys want to go, I know the bassist. 0.95
00:01:58.000 We can just go, we can hang out backstage. 0.93
00:02:01.000 They're, uh... It's a group of huge black guys that just play death metal. 1.00
00:02:06.000 And, uh, I don't know how to break it to them, but their name is not intimidating at all. 0.88
00:02:13.000 They think it sounds scary.
00:02:15.000 And I'm like, guys, it makes you think of that slogan, the way, no matter how you shake your peg, the last weed drop runs down your leg.
00:02:22.000 And they go, yeah, that's the name of our first album.
00:02:25.000 And I go, not scary, dude.
00:02:26.000 It's funny.
00:02:28.000 And they go, it's scary. 0.91
00:02:29.000 And I go, you guys don't have a normal sort of black voice. 0.99
00:02:32.000 You don't talk like black guys. 1.00
00:02:33.000 And they go, what? 0.98
00:02:34.000 Help me out, Gavin. 0.75
00:02:35.000 Which way do black guys talk? 1.00
00:02:36.000 And now I'm not invited in the green room anymore. 0.66
00:02:39.000 So I was wrong. 0.96
00:02:39.000 We cannot go see The Penis Drops on Thursday at Mercury Lounge. 0.96
00:02:43.000 We're no longer speaking. 0.82
00:02:44.000 Because I told them the truth.
00:02:46.000 I told them hate facts.
00:02:49.000 And that's what my new diet is.
00:02:51.000 It's called starving yourself to death.
00:02:54.000 So what you do is, you wake up, you can have a coffee, you eat zero things.
00:03:00.000 Then, at lunch, when you're hungry, you eat zero things.
00:03:05.000 Now, this gets physically painful around 4 o'clock, but you just have to make it to 5.30 or 6.00.
00:03:10.000 If you're a family man, that's when we eat, because the kids haven't had lunch since noon, right?
00:03:17.000 So, if you can just make it to the family dinner, which, by the way, is a crucial part of being a parent, is making sure the family eats together.
00:03:23.000 I was just in England, which I'll probably get to, but there's a whole culture now with the poor, where they all just sit and get fat on welfare, 1.00
00:03:33.000 And the new industry is immigrants coming in and delivering them food.
00:03:40.000 That's the new economy in Britain!
00:03:43.000 Importing people to deliver greasy fried chicken to fat people.
00:03:48.000 Man, these people aren't eating together anymore.
00:03:52.000 Good thing we got women out of the kitchen, huh? 1.00
00:03:53.000 Isn't that going great?
00:03:55.000 Anyway, speaking of women... 1.00
00:03:59.000 So around now, actually now is a good time of the day to mention this.
00:04:04.000 It's getting around 1.
00:04:05.000 You're supposed to not eat anything till 2.
00:04:07.000 I've also been talking to gays about this.
00:04:09.000 They're well-versed in this kind of stuff.
00:04:10.000 And they say, no, you just don't have anything till 2.
00:04:12.000 This is kind of like that.
00:04:15.000 But around two when it starts really hurting, because you sort of feel like, you know when you get the wind knocked out of you?
00:04:21.000 That's how you feel when you're starving yourself to death.
00:04:23.000 You feel sort of tight in the chest area.
00:04:26.000 And I think I've also given myself heartburn from all this torture.
00:04:30.000 But I'm shrinking the sides of my stomach.
00:04:31.000 So what you do around three, two to three, is you have a beer.
00:04:37.000 And the beer does two things.
00:04:38.000 One, it gives you empty calories.
00:04:41.000 And that fills your stomach, so your stomach stops complaining.
00:04:44.000 And two, the alcohol numbs the pain of the hunger pains.
00:04:48.000 And now, sailing to 536 is new probs.
00:04:52.000 Although I gotta say, you get pretty darn grumpy around 5 o'clock.
00:04:56.000 But so what?
00:04:57.000 Just avoid people.
00:04:59.000 And I've only been doing this diet for 11 days, or something like that. 0.99
00:05:03.000 I could not see my penis 11 days ago. 0.99
00:05:05.000 It was gone. 1.00
00:05:06.000 Gone to the world.
00:05:07.000 I was a woman.
00:05:07.000 I know what it was like to be a woman.
00:05:09.000 And then, about four days in, you start seeing the foreskin.
00:05:14.000 Five, six days, the bell end, as they call it in Britain, appears.
00:05:19.000 And I'm down to shaft now.
00:05:21.000 I'm seeing plenty of shaft. 1.00
00:05:23.000 And my penis is huge, so it'd probably be different for you. 0.99
00:05:28.000 It might take you like two weeks before you can even see the tip. 0.99
00:05:32.000 And that's- that's fine too.
00:05:33.000 I'm just- it's kind of a silly metric to use because it's- I'm so unique. 0.99
00:05:37.000 You know, my dick is so big that around Valentine's Day, I will see snakes, like boa constrictors, start slithering towards the door with like a box of chocolates. 0.99
00:05:49.000 Because they think it's a female. 1.00
00:05:53.000 I can't go to the zoo.
00:05:55.000 One time I got tackled at the zoo because they thought I was smuggling out a bow constrictor.
00:06:00.000 And I was like, guys, pull on it.
00:06:01.000 That's mine.
00:06:04.000 No, it's an albino!
00:06:05.000 It's a gorgeous, perfectly sculpted, extra large African albino boa constrictor.
00:06:12.000 You just tied it to your pubes! 1.00
00:06:14.000 It took me hours to argue my way out of there. 0.89
00:06:17.000 And I ended up strangling most of them. 0.97
00:06:19.000 I just let it wrap around their torsos and I crushed them. 0.98
00:06:22.000 It was my only way to get out of there. 1.00
00:06:27.000 My penis is so big that in the past I've only dated women who were completely hollow in the center of their bodies and had a hole in the top of their head. 1.00
00:06:36.000 Or else I'd end up killing them. 1.00
00:06:38.000 It's actually a curse in many ways. 1.00
00:06:40.000 Anyway.
00:06:42.000 Bad metric, but... Bad metric!
00:06:45.000 That's a pretty intense jazz band from North Carolina.
00:06:51.000 And I've noticed animosity from broads when I bring it up. 1.00
00:06:54.000 Like, oh great, here we go.
00:06:55.000 Ladies! 0.99
00:06:57.000 Very simple math.
00:06:58.000 You burn more calories than you take in.
00:07:01.000 You keep changing the types of calories with your gluten and your sugar and, oh, you don't eat on Wednesdays and, oh, I ordered food.
00:07:12.000 Look, the only time that makes sense is if you're a boxer and you're trying to get down to a certain weight and you have to eat seven times a day or nine times a day, they have these weird diets, and then you don't feel like cooking all the time.
00:07:21.000 That I get.
00:07:22.000 And boxers shouldn't starve themselves because they need nutrients.
00:07:25.000 They need to grow muscle.
00:07:27.000 I don't.
00:07:29.000 I'm not here to box. 0.85
00:07:31.000 I'm here to see myself nude.
00:07:34.000 And here's the real reason why I did it. 0.93
00:07:36.000 Because I'm cheap.
00:07:36.000 You want to know why?
00:07:39.000 I'm cheap and rich.
00:07:40.000 Which is a bad combination.
00:07:42.000 Because those of us in the cheap rich community have a lot of suits.
00:07:47.000 I think I probably have about, all my suits are custom made.
00:07:50.000 So I probably have about 7,000 bucks worth of suits, right?
00:07:54.000 Because they're all about... I actually... Here's another thing Cheap Rich Guys do.
00:07:58.000 We have a tailor from Hong Kong who comes to New York a few times a year.
00:08:02.000 We meet him in his hotel.
00:08:03.000 He does all our measurements.
00:08:05.000 And then, you know, because see if they've changed.
00:08:07.000 And mine had changed.
00:08:09.000 And then he goes back to Hong Kong and makes the suits from anywhere from $750 to $1200 bucks each.
00:08:15.000 Shirts $50 to $150.
00:08:16.000 But that's monogrammed and fit to your body like... But PJs.
00:08:21.000 Really, really comfortable.
00:08:22.000 But...
00:08:24.000 As I was getting fat from sitting on my motorcycle and not doing anything, uh, the suits were all too small and they were physically painful.
00:08:32.000 And you know sometimes you trick yourself and you go, oh I'm fine, and you click the button anyway, and then about an hour later you got a really bad stomach pain?
00:08:40.000 That would mean I'd have to buy a whole new line of suits.
00:08:44.000 That's too expensive.
00:08:46.000 I am keeping these suits for the rest of my life.
00:08:48.000 I will literally starve myself to death before I will buy a whole new line of suits just because I'm fat.
00:08:55.000 That's what I don't get about fatties. 0.65
00:08:56.000 And again, some of my best friends are fatties.
00:08:59.000 But you get all these warning signs.
00:09:02.000 Like my buddy Andrew was just in New York recently. 1.00
00:09:04.000 Yeah, I gotta get some sort of valve on my fucking stomach fixed because I blew up because I'm a fat pig. 0.99
00:09:11.000 And the doctor's really mad and I gotta do this. 1.00
00:09:13.000 And I go, why don't you stop being a fat pig? 1.00
00:09:16.000 Wouldn't that prevent how many times you have to go to the doctor? 1.00
00:09:19.000 That's it.
00:09:20.000 That's my message for today's Show America. 1.00
00:09:22.000 Stop being a fat pig. 1.00
00:09:24.000 It's easy. 1.00
00:09:25.000 You just starve yourself to death.
00:09:27.000 And the thing about the one meal a day, so I finally make it there, right?
00:09:29.000 Usually it's like three beers and some grumpiness.
00:09:34.000 I finally have the dinner with everyone.
00:09:36.000 You devour it, but here's another thing, too.
00:09:38.000 Your stomach has shrunk.
00:09:41.000 So, like, double servings, getting extra, it doesn't really... You don't really feel like it.
00:09:48.000 It's just a...
00:09:49.000 A normal-sized meal now does you fine.
00:09:53.000 And then you don't want anything else after.
00:09:54.000 I think Amy Schumer talked about this.
00:09:57.000 She said, every meal with our family would eat till our stomach hurt.
00:10:01.000 And I remember doing that as a cheap person too, because you'd go, I don't want to have to eat later.
00:10:04.000 I'm just going to eat until I'm splitting the seams of my stomach and I'll have to lie down for an hour after.
00:10:10.000 That's a form of cheapness and a form of laziness and a form of fatness.
00:10:16.000 And even my wife, she goes, you're looking pretty good.
00:10:18.000 That's, that's working.
00:10:20.000 And I go, yeah, I invented it.
00:10:23.000 And then she goes, it's called intermittent fasting.
00:10:25.000 It's not a big deal.
00:10:26.000 It's how we were made, by the way.
00:10:27.000 I don't, that's one thing I don't get about women. 1.00
00:10:33.000 They're really good at pain, right?
00:10:36.000 Like, a woman can- I remember this.
00:10:38.000 Back in the late 80s, early 90s, getting a tattoo was a big deal.
00:10:42.000 And it was a male thing, and it was a place you'd have to go to some biker spot, or sit on the train. 0.79
00:10:47.000 Even in New York, where it was illegal, you'd have to go on the train to Civ- Anthony Civarelli's spot, Lotus Tattoo.
00:10:53.000 An hour and a half out of town.
00:10:54.000 It was a major thing, getting a tattoo. 1.00
00:10:57.000 And when a woman came in, you'd go, what the fuck? 1.00
00:11:00.000 What is this, a lesbian biker or something? 1.00
00:11:02.000 They weren't in tattoo shops in the early 90s.
00:11:07.000 That was, of course, a great thing.
00:11:10.000 Um, ladies, if you're gonna get a tattoo, get a fist-sized one. 1.00
00:11:15.000 So whatever the- the surface area of your fist is, that's the most ink you should have.
00:11:21.000 So if that's a whole bunch of little ones, okay, we could do that.
00:11:24.000 Or if that's one big- and when I say big, I mean the size of your fist- if it's one big one, that's fine too.
00:11:29.000 But all this, like, the kids today, with a giant octopus on your thigh, and then two knives on your knees, and then... 1.00
00:11:37.000 Some stupid fucking peacock on your arm. 1.00
00:11:41.000 I used to, back in my single days, I used to fornicate with said ladies. 1.00
00:11:45.000 And in the dull light of night, you look like you're covered in mud. 1.00
00:11:50.000 It's like having sex with someone who is a mud wrestler. 1.00
00:11:53.000 It's just not attractive. 0.99
00:11:54.000 Oh, and the worst, the worst is those chest pieces with like a big eagle or a big naval ship.
00:12:01.000 What are you, a sailor now?
00:12:03.000 Where'd you get that, in Indonesia when you were fighting off some tribesmen?
00:12:08.000 Tattoos are meant to say, uh, I am tough, and I'm from a thing, and I don't want to talk about it.
00:12:14.000 Now it means I'm kind of bitchy, and I want to talk about it.
00:12:20.000 But, uh, yeah, these... So these girls would start coming in, and you'd see them getting tattooed, and they're just like... And they're talking away. 1.00
00:12:29.000 I would have to have, like, six beers.
00:12:32.000 One trick I would have to do for getting tattoos, I'd pretend he was interrogating me.
00:12:37.000 And I'd go, is that all you got? 0.99
00:12:38.000 I ain't telling you shit. 0.99
00:12:40.000 I'll never say a word. 0.99
00:12:42.000 Yeah, try harder.
00:12:43.000 So he was, it was a torture to make me talk and I would never flip on my bros.
00:12:49.000 The only problem with that one is it makes the guy laugh so hard that he ends up doing shaky lines.
00:12:55.000 Because you're sitting there going, is that all you got? 1.00
00:12:57.000 Nice try, motherfucker! 1.00
00:13:00.000 And he's like... 1.00
00:13:03.000 Um, so the women can handle it. 1.00
00:13:06.000 And also, I don't know if you know this, you know what happens with sex?
00:13:10.000 Like your mommy and your daddy, they love each other very, very much, right?
00:13:14.000 And they do this thing that feels like a tickle and, uh, they hug each other.
00:13:18.000 And then the dad's body gives the mommy's body something that makes her make a baby. 0.98
00:13:23.000 Nine months later, the mommy lies down and her vagina opens up to the size of a baby head. 1.00
00:13:31.000 So, that's way more than I can handle. 0.99
00:13:34.000 Why can't you be remotely uncomfortable for 20 minutes a day?
00:13:40.000 Like with the sweater all the time.
00:13:41.000 Ooh, it's kinda chilly.
00:13:43.000 I'm cold.
00:13:44.000 Are you cold?
00:13:45.000 Yeah, I'm 1% cold.
00:13:47.000 You don't have to run and get a cardigan every time you're 1% cold.
00:13:50.000 These people I see on the trains in the morning, they got their little jackets on in spring.
00:13:56.000 What are we, May now?
00:13:58.000 They've got their jackets on in spring because it is chilly first thing in the morning, yes.
00:14:03.000 Right when you get out of the house, it's 60 degrees.
00:14:07.000 That's what the weather's been this week.
00:14:09.000 All right.
00:14:11.000 So you're chilly.
00:14:12.000 And then in the middle of the day, when it's noon, when it's 70, now you're fine.
00:14:15.000 And you don't have to carry a big jacket around.
00:14:18.000 Everyone always brings a jacket out.
00:14:18.000 Why?
00:14:20.000 Look at the weather.
00:14:22.000 Look at how long you're going to be gone for.
00:14:24.000 Jump into the center of that time and see what the weather is and dress for that.
00:14:31.000 God, how many times do you have to carry a woman's jacket? 1.00
00:14:34.000 You guys give birth and you don't flinch when you get tattoos, but you can't have the slightest cold elbow for one minute?
00:14:42.000 And this is why I'm surprised that women haven't tried my new diet. 1.00
00:14:48.000 And it's not called intermittent fasting.
00:14:49.000 That's what the competition wants it to be called because they don't want to lose any credibility.
00:14:54.000 The name of my diet is called beer fasting.
00:15:00.000 It is a godsend.
00:15:02.000 By the way, speaking of beer fasting, I was just in Britain with Soccer Hooligans.
00:15:08.000 Fascinating weekend.
00:15:09.000 There is a war going on in Britain right now between Muslims and Soccer Hooligans. 0.54
00:15:14.000 And the police aren't really invited.
00:15:15.000 They don't really participate.
00:15:18.000 And Antifa, that's the funny, the idea that they
00:15:21.000 Think they're part of this thing?
00:15:23.000 It's hilarious.
00:15:24.000 It's Halarskis. 0.80
00:15:26.000 We went to this free speech rally, where I spoke in front of 5,000 people despite the media saying no one was there.
00:15:31.000 And, uh, there was Muslims showing up, there was a big fight, and they all knew each other.
00:15:36.000 It was Ali...
00:15:37.000 Dawah and Muhammad Hijab, I think they're called.
00:15:42.000 I know that sounds like I'm a racist not remembering their names, but it really is that.
00:15:46.000 It could be a parody name.
00:15:48.000 Ali Dawah and Muhammad Jihab.
00:15:50.000 And those guys, you know, they have other gang members and these guys fight with machetes and guns and they kill each other.
00:15:57.000 It's South Central. 1.00
00:15:59.000 And they're all, you know, they're fucking murderers on both sides. 1.00
00:16:03.000 This is... The press isn't really exaggerating when they talk about how dangerous it is, but they're only focusing on one group of bad guys. 1.00
00:16:11.000 Both guys are bad news.
00:16:13.000 They're brawlers, man, like... 1.00
00:16:15.000 The guys I was hanging out with had caesarean scars, like big thick scars on their faces, and I'd just wear a machete in my arm, but thank God it did, because I put my hands up right in front of my face, right?
00:16:26.000 This geezer comes down, machete goes through the bone.
00:16:29.000 Now bones heal, bones grow, but it's always going to be sensitive.
00:16:33.000 And that hurts when I'm fighting sometimes.
00:16:34.000 You know, if I'm blocking, I'm getting old batters on it, and I can feel the bone ache, you know?
00:16:41.000 Uh, no, I don't know.
00:16:42.000 No offense.
00:16:42.000 I'm sorry.
00:16:43.000 I'm not familiar with how your bone feels when it's been chopped in half by a machete.
00:16:48.000 I'm sure it's quite rough.
00:16:51.000 Antifa showed up to the thing like...
00:16:53.000 Whose streets are streets?
00:16:55.000 It's all rich kids.
00:16:58.000 Upper middle class rich kids who've been educated at Oxford and they've read about Karl Marx and they're absolutely chuffed with communism. 0.95
00:17:04.000 I think it's unfortunate that the working man won't embrace Marx and these soccer hooligans just just fucking flatten him. 0.93
00:17:15.000 It just nailed them. 0.91
00:17:17.000 And sometimes you see these kids, these commies, communist and anarchist kids, and you see them get punched in the face and you go, ooh, that's someone who's never been punched in the face before.
00:17:26.000 Because it is shocking.
00:17:28.000 When you first get it.
00:17:30.000 Jesus.
00:17:31.000 That's why I could never box.
00:17:32.000 I tried it a few times.
00:17:34.000 But I'm very sensitive and I want to have a sit down with someone after they punch me in the face.
00:17:39.000 Like, what just happened there?
00:17:40.000 It's alarming.
00:17:42.000 It's like being woken up with a big bucket of cold water in your face and then have someone yell at you math questions.
00:17:49.000 You're just like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:17:52.000 Let me dry off a little bit.
00:17:54.000 Let me towel off.
00:17:56.000 Get some paper and a pen and I'll answer your math question.
00:17:59.000 Also, I need a new shirt.
00:18:00.000 Right, these guys just picked me up from the airport, right?
00:18:07.000 I'm doing my new diet, beer starving.
00:18:10.000 And we just, we had a match, a looting match.
00:18:12.000 Last game of the season, right guys?
00:18:15.000 And um, I just, can we pull over to the petrol station?
00:18:18.000 Alright mate.
00:18:19.000 I'll get some beers, I'll get some Guinness.
00:18:22.000 Which I don't think has more calories than other beers.
00:18:26.000 That's a myth.
00:18:27.000 And by the way, Bud Light doesn't have less calories.
00:18:30.000 It has less alcohol.
00:18:32.000 They're all about the same calories.
00:18:34.000 And light beer is just less alcohol.
00:18:36.000 You know a real alcoholic when they drink Bud Light.
00:18:40.000 Because you know he's having 40 that day and he's using it to slow you down.
00:18:44.000 And that's to slow himself down, like an anchor.
00:18:47.000 Oh, that brings me to another point.
00:18:48.000 It's not really related to my diet.
00:18:52.000 But we drank for about 18 hours, so 11 a.m.
00:18:55.000 when I got off the plane till 5 in the morning probably.
00:19:01.000 But no spirits is key!
00:19:07.000 No whiskey.
00:19:08.000 Those geezers, they like their vodka, Grey Goose. 1.00
00:19:10.000 I'm not talking about them.
00:19:11.000 I'm talking about you and me.
00:19:13.000 This new, this beer diet is the greatest thing ever.
00:19:16.000 Maybe it's just natural, right?
00:19:17.000 That's, I talked in the other podcast about how the Indians, Mamaset would say, or Samaset, whatever his name was, said, do you have beer?
00:19:24.000 Because the pioneers would drink it all the time.
00:19:26.000 And you read, whenever you read about, you know, gangs in New York days, in early New York, when they would, before they knew how to make rope, when they would all do it voluntarily,
00:19:34.000 You know, do you know about this?
00:19:36.000 Back in the days when you would have rope, there's no machine that makes rope.
00:19:39.000 So, there'd be like a thread that's a hundred yards long, and you'd put those together, and there'd be seven volunteers on either end, you know, twisting them all.
00:19:49.000 And about a hundred people would voluntarily make rope.
00:19:53.000 Together.
00:19:54.000 It's a thing you did once in a while, just because we needed to have rope.
00:19:57.000 So can everyone come over for a rope party? 0.97
00:20:00.000 And they talk about it.
00:20:01.000 The reason I know this is from Michelle Malkin's book, Who Built That?
00:20:06.000 And she was talking about the Roebling family who built the Brooklyn Bridge and how they ended up inventing, you know, a way to do better steel rope, which is steel suspension bridges.
00:20:17.000 And that started with them having people over to make rope.
00:20:20.000 And you just read about the, like, they come over at seven.
00:20:23.000 And we'd all have beer, and then we'd have a beer break at five, and then we'd end up with beer and bread and some yeast and some beer.
00:20:31.000 And you just realize beer, even for kids, that was just what you drank in New York in the 1800s.
00:20:38.000 Because water was so polluted.
00:20:40.000 And I sort of feel like I'm discovering, you know, the reverse.
00:20:43.000 It's sort of like a paleo diet, right?
00:20:44.000 Where you only eat cave food.
00:20:46.000 I'm only drinking pioneer food.
00:20:50.000 And that's why I woke up ready to do that speech, which was terrible, by the way.
00:20:55.000 My speech at A Day for Freedom was the worst speech there.
00:20:59.000 I was yelling at everyone backstage too.
00:21:01.000 Not yelling, but you know, nagging.
00:21:03.000 Count Dankula, Milo Yiannopoulos, Sargon of Akkad, and I was saying...
00:21:08.000 Don't script.
00:21:09.000 Don't hold on to paper.
00:21:11.000 Just wing it.
00:21:12.000 Just make it up as you go along.
00:21:13.000 People appreciate that.
00:21:15.000 And they went on to do well-organized, eloquent speeches that got nailed the point.
00:21:21.000 And mine was just a rambling mess.
00:21:24.000 My first lines, I came out and I go, I wore different hats.
00:21:27.000 Like, as a Scottish guy, I wore a Scottish hat.
00:21:29.000 And I said, see me, see Mamo, see Fesh. 0.98
00:21:32.000 Mamo hates Fesh. 0.80
00:21:34.000 It's a thing that Scottish people say where they introduce each noun.
00:21:37.000 And I thought everyone in the audience would recognize that funny little Scottish tendency and they'd all laugh.
00:21:43.000 No.
00:21:44.000 I go, my parents are from Scotland.
00:21:46.000 And then I put on a flat cap, like an Andy Cap cap.
00:21:49.000 I go, then we are was born in England, where I was born in Itchen, just up the road.
00:21:54.000 And then we lived here for a while.
00:21:55.000 And then we moved to, and I take off that hat and put on a wool toque, with Montreal Canadians all going to go, then we moved to Canada.
00:22:01.000 And I just had that accent pounded right out of me.
00:22:05.000 And then I moved to, and then I put on a MAGA hat for America, I just said.
00:22:10.000 Growing up in all these countries was fun. 1.00
00:22:12.000 We had Speaker's Corner as a kid, and we had people making jokes, making stupid, offensive jokes. 0.99
00:22:17.000 I didn't mention this one, but I remember being in Scotland, and there's a little plastic kid by the bar. 0.98
00:22:22.000 You went to bars as kids, by the way.
00:22:24.000 You went to bars as a baby.
00:22:26.000 Your parents would just put you in your little basket behind them, in a smoky bar.
00:22:32.000 Um, but I remember seeing a little plastic kid and it was for the, whatever, the National Sick Kids Research Fund.
00:22:39.000 And you'd buy a pint and maybe you'd put some change in the little kid's head and then when that filled up it would be whatever, 60 pounds for the children's fund.
00:22:46.000 And someone with a marker had given the little sick boy with a cast and everything a Hitler mustache and a little swastika on his arm.
00:22:53.000 This was in a tiny town, Lead Hills, in Scotland.
00:22:55.000 And I have a very faint memory of that being like, I don't know, nine years old or something.
00:23:00.000 And, you know, obviously the person who did that wasn't a Nazi. 1.00
00:23:03.000 It's just a stupid, funny joke to have a sick, dying, paraplegic Hitler on your bar. 1.00
00:23:09.000 That's amusing and silly. 1.00
00:23:12.000 And I was saying that culture was true of everywhere. 0.70
00:23:15.000 Everywhere.
00:23:17.000 Canada, New York.
00:23:18.000 And now I'm turning around looking back at these countries going, what happened?
00:23:21.000 And I mentioned cases of people being arrested in Britain for a tweet or being fired for a joke.
00:23:28.000 I just read about a guy today.
00:23:30.000 He's in an elevator with a woman.
00:23:32.000 And they're going up and it's like at a Macy's type place.
00:23:36.000 And she goes, where are you headed?
00:23:36.000 And he goes, I guess it's got like an elevator operator.
00:23:39.000 Just, uh, get me off of the woman's lingerie section. 1.00
00:23:44.000 And a co-worker heard him and is demanding he apologize. 0.98
00:23:47.000 And he goes, it's a fucking joke, and no, I'm not apologizing. 0.98
00:23:51.000 It's a very timid joke, too. 0.99
00:23:54.000 He's obviously not going to that, um, floor.
00:23:57.000 End of story.
00:23:58.000 What's the issue here?
00:23:59.000 You indicated that you want to wear panties.
00:24:03.000 And that gave me nightmares for weeks.
00:24:07.000 By the way, slight side note, if you're watching TV with your five-year-old and you're scrolling through Netflix and you want to check out Hellboy 2, don't do that with a child.
00:24:16.000 It makes bedtime pretty laborious.
00:24:21.000 I had to do a lot of talking down after that, and I also had to stay there for many, many, not hours, but a long time.
00:24:34.000 So yeah.
00:24:36.000 Woke up on Sunday.
00:24:36.000 Still doing the beer diet, by the way.
00:24:39.000 Actually, you know what?
00:24:40.000 Come to think of it, I don't think those hooligans I saw them eat either.
00:24:46.000 I think one of them had a sausage pie at a petrol station.
00:24:50.000 Until we got back into our lorry.
00:24:52.000 But, um... Oh yeah, we had a big dinner.
00:24:55.000 That was it.
00:24:56.000 We had a big dinner Sunday night.
00:24:57.000 So now I've been there Friday, Saturday, Sunday.
00:25:00.000 And, uh... Your stomach shrinks.
00:25:02.000 My stomach is the size of an almond now.
00:25:05.000 So I ordered a huge cheeseburger that would be the first meal since I got there, basically.
00:25:10.000 And four or five bites in, I'm good.
00:25:13.000 Or whatever they did back then.
00:25:41.000 So I'm just surprised that women haven't picked me up on this brilliant new diet. 0.99
00:25:47.000 Soccer hooligans do it, and they look gorgeous. 0.99
00:25:49.000 Actually, one of the best things about hanging out with these guys, and I think it's because they embrace their own violence.
00:25:56.000 If we want to fight with each other, you know, opposing teams, it's voluntary.
00:26:00.000 Who are we hurting?
00:26:01.000 Why is the British middle class so obsessed with extinguishing hooliganism?
00:26:06.000 It's voluntary.
00:26:07.000 It's just male sex. 1.00
00:26:09.000 I just want to beat you up. 1.00
00:26:10.000 Okay. 1.00
00:26:11.000 I want to beat you up too. 0.98
00:26:12.000 Oh good. 0.99
00:26:16.000 No.
00:26:16.000 Stop it.
00:26:18.000 This has to stop.
00:26:19.000 It's violent.
00:26:21.000 What's the matter with hate too?
00:26:24.000 I love hate.
00:26:26.000 Hope not hate.
00:26:27.000 Hate has no home here.
00:26:29.000 Hate's a normal emotion, alright?
00:26:30.000 I hate you, for example.
00:26:32.000 Person with that sign.
00:26:34.000 And all the Antifa people were like, we don't want hate!
00:26:37.000 And I'm thinking, guys, you hate me.
00:26:41.000 You're drenched in hate right now.
00:26:43.000 You're enjoying your hate.
00:26:44.000 You're screaming.
00:26:45.000 You're with your friends.
00:26:47.000 There's hate and there's love and there's indifference, right?
00:26:49.000 Why do you want to block out one of them?
00:26:52.000 I hate seafood.
00:26:55.000 I think, I think shrimps are the cockroaches of the sea.
00:26:58.000 I can't believe you people eat them.
00:27:00.000 It's a, it's a pink cockroach with those legs. 1.00
00:27:05.000 What other bugs do you eat?
00:27:07.000 Even lobsters.
00:27:08.000 It's just a giant cockroach.
00:27:10.000 No, but it's good with butter.
00:27:11.000 Yeah.
00:27:11.000 It's good when you boil it to death and then smother it with butter.
00:27:15.000 So is everything.
00:27:16.000 So is a piece of paper.
00:27:19.000 So is butter.
00:27:20.000 Go, go, go smother butter in butter. 0.93
00:27:22.000 I bet it tastes pretty good.
00:27:27.000 Alright, I gotta stop taking swigs.
00:27:29.000 I'm really... this beer diet is really, uh... Sometimes you really gotta accelerate the beer because the hunger pains come back faster.
00:27:36.000 But I don't know the exact numbers.
00:27:37.000 I don't weigh myself.
00:27:38.000 I'm not a girl.
00:27:39.000 But if you are out there and you are fat, I strongly recommend you take a page from the Hooligan Book and go on the Beer Starvation Diet.
00:27:47.000 It is a gift from God.
00:27:49.000 I am breathtakingly gorgeous.
00:27:50.000 In fact,
00:27:51.000 On my show, CRTV Tonight, this Friday, I'm going to do, I'm going to talk about that Donald Glover video, Gambino, whatever.
00:28:00.000 I'm going to talk about that, and I'll come out dressed as him, which is shirtless in white jeans, and you are going to see one of the sexiest, like, you're just going to drool.
00:28:11.000 I would recommend you duct tape a paper towel, no, a whole roll of paper towels.
00:28:17.000 You should have a paper towel beard.
00:28:19.000 Ladies.
00:28:20.000 And ladies, if you're gonna watch CRTV tonight and see me shirtless with my new diet, my new beer diet, I would recommend not just a maxi pad, but go to a pet store, like a pet care store, and get those doggy pads that they have for dogs that pee on the floor.
00:28:37.000 Take the entire package, all seven pads, put them on top of each other, then wear rubber pants,
00:28:46.000 No, you can wear normal pants.
00:28:48.000 For rubber pants, it would just come out your cuffs, about the bottom.
00:28:51.000 Wear normal pants, sit on those pads, because you are going to get so wet, you might get dehydrated.
00:28:59.000 I would recommend, if you're gonna watch me on Friday, ladies, have a paper towel beard, be sitting on a pack of doggy pads, and also be drinking a Super Gulp. 1.00
00:29:11.000 Because you're going to get dehydrated after you expel so much moisture through your various areas.
00:29:18.000 And why is that?
00:29:21.000 How did we get here?
00:29:23.000 Beer starvation.
00:29:25.000 And you're not hungover, by the way.
00:29:26.000 That's another thing.
00:29:27.000 I was going to do a whole podcast on that.
00:29:29.000 When you quit bourbon, when you avoid the hard stuff, like during Lent, for example, you get so much stuffed on.
00:29:37.000 It's amazing.
00:29:39.000 And you watch movies and you remember them.
00:29:42.000 Although, I have to say, I met with some Proud Boys on Saturday night, and the memories could be a little stronger when I look at the pictures.
00:29:51.000 Anyway, I digress.
00:29:53.000 So, maybe this is a short one, I gotta go, but if there's one thing I can tell you is women are lying about diets. 1.00
00:30:02.000 It's not hard at all.
00:30:03.000 Katie Hopkins did this, remember? 0.99
00:30:05.000 She said, these women are just being fat and lazy. 1.00
00:30:07.000 If you want to lose weight, just lose weight. 0.98
00:30:08.000 And I said, you don't know how hard it is.
00:30:10.000 So she said, oh yeah, watch this.
00:30:11.000 And she put on like 60 or 70 pounds. 1.00
00:30:14.000 I forget how many, a lot of pounds, and then just immediately lost them.
00:30:18.000 All it takes is depriving yourself.
00:30:20.000 All it takes is suffering.
00:30:22.000 Suffering gives you strength.
00:30:24.000 It's good for you to feel bad.
00:30:26.000 Don't take your phone into the bathroom when you're taking a dump.
00:30:30.000 Deprive yourself.
00:30:33.000 It makes your stomach shrink.
00:30:35.000 And then, when you do have food, it's more delicious.
00:30:38.000 There's a big moral there.
00:30:40.000 See you Friday.