In this episode, I talk about how women are insane and why we should stop dating them. I also talk about a woman who wants to buy me clothes and does a weird thing with a guy's clothes. And I talk a little bit about why I think women are nuts and why they don't want to get married and have kids. And then I go on a rant about how we need to stop trivializing women who are older and have more kids and why it's time for them to get a ring on it. I also give my thoughts on Jordan Peterson and how he's a racist and how we should all be doing our part to make sure he gets what he deserves. And I answer a question about women who want to be married at 50 and have a bunch of kids at 45 and then have 10 kids at 50. I don't even know what that means, but it's probably not a good thing. I guess I'll let you know what I think about it, because I think it's a bad idea and I hope you agree with me that women don't deserve to be in a relationship with a man who's older than you. I mean, let's be honest, they're crazy. They don't have the balls to do what they want to do and they're not even trying to have kids at the same time, so why not get married when they're 50? I'm not even thinking about getting married at 40? yet? And why is it a good idea to have sex at 40, let alone have kids when you're 50 years old? and still have a job at 35 years old and still be capable of having kids at 35? Why not have a nice life and then get married at 45? What's the difference between you're not having sex at 35 and you're getting a ring at 40 and you still have it at 45, you're still got it all? Let's talk about it? of course you can have a life and you have a baby at 40 years old at 35, but you can still be a woman with a kid at 49 and you don't feel like you're having it all at 35 or you have it's all the same thing you want to have a good life at 50, you can be a good deal of money and you can't have it all you want it at 40 or you don t have it, you have to be having a good job and it's better than that?
Transcript
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00:00:02.000I was just with a woman, this bunch of dudes, and we were hanging out, having fun, talking shit, shooting the shit.
00:00:15.000And then we were talking about clothes, and I was telling my compatriots that a great way to get custom suits if you're a cheap person, as I am, is to go with Nita Fashions, N-I-T-A.
00:00:29.000And these are these dudes, they're Indian, they live in Hong Kong, and they go to various cities around America.
00:00:37.000No, around the Western world every year.
00:04:01.000So when I sound sexist, I'm not actually talking about functioning women who marry young and have a bunch of kids.
00:04:10.000I'm talking about the ones that we convinced that being in the workforce is better and you can have it all and you can start a career when you're 45 and then meet a man at 50 and then have 10 kids.
00:05:05.000So I want to help these women, but they think, I don't know, that I'm out to get them because I trivialize their lifestyle, which I do.
00:05:13.000Media Matters just had a big thing where they said, Gavin McInnes says that these older sort of blogger chicks who work at HuffPo are colostomy bags for strangers come.
00:05:26.000And that's a very harsh way to put it.
00:05:32.000So anyway, this chick suggests at lunch today, and you may have noticed I'm drunk by the way, but I think I'm still making very articulate points.
00:05:41.000This chick today, she says, yeah, get someone to buy you clothes.
00:05:45.000And she clearly was saying, someone buys me clothes that I pose in and send to them, which is prostitution.
00:05:55.000Um, and I think a lot of these women who have embraced feminism and embraced the myth of you can have it all, they clearly don't like the mess they've made for themselves.
00:06:07.000They don't like the tangled web they've woven for themselves.
00:06:13.000And they're actually secretly saying, can you help me please?
00:07:18.000That I discovered back when I worked at Vice and she was sending me her zine.
00:07:23.000Now a zine is an 8.5 by 11 piece of paper that's been folded many times and it becomes a little tiny magazine.
00:07:32.000I used to do them with, they were called mini comics back in the day and before the internet, back when we would trade tapes and trade VHS tapes, a zine
00:07:42.000It was a fun way to make a mini-magazine.
00:08:07.000I don't like this sort of plate face where it's, uh, I'm a pretty lady and it's sort of like Nicole Kidman where it's just a blank slate and you could paint whatever you want on it.
00:12:11.000And by the way, ladies, if you are in a wheelchair, I think you should wear stilettos.
00:12:18.000Because you're clearly not going to hurt your feet walking.
00:12:21.000So if you're presenting your legs, and obviously you have to overcome the fact that you're paralyzed, so you want to meet men, I think you should present your legs and feet in the best possible way, and that involves stilettos.
00:12:35.000So the fact that paralyzed women will have sketchers on is just ridiculous.
00:12:39.000You don't, it's like women at the airport.
00:12:41.000You ever notice women at the airport, they have stilettos on?
00:12:43.000That's because they're just gonna walk for a little bit, right?
00:12:46.000Go through security and then be sitting in the chair for six hours.
00:12:50.000So, and then meet like the guy who paid for that flight.
00:12:53.000So, women on planes tend to be dressed very well.
00:12:58.000Of course, the converse is true where they have fucking sweatpants on and they're sleeping.
00:13:04.000But women over 32, they tend to have stilettos at the airport and so they should.
00:13:10.000And ladies, if you're at home today and you're listening to this and you're paralyzed from the waist down, put on some fucking high heel shoes, please.
00:14:05.000I saw a video, I had it on my show on Get Off My Lawn recently, there was a Jewish guy who has cerebral palsy and he's gay, and he goes, I'm hornier than you.
00:14:13.000Which, by the way, is kind of an audacious thing to claim.
00:14:18.000But his thing was, I'm not accepted in the gay community because I'm paralyzed.
00:14:24.000And I'm watching it going, well, uh, you're not accepted in the world community because people have evolved to not be attracted to severely handicapped people because you can't breed.
00:15:39.000I think I've mentioned this on another podcast, but he got AIDS at a circuit party and the only way I found out was 10 years into our friendship, I said, nice socks, faggot.
00:16:19.000Anyway, so it's normal for us in the straight community to not know that a woman is paralyzed and it's normal for us for her to tell us and for us to not notice or not even pay attention when she said that.
00:16:53.000And so she pulls herself up by her arms and she drags her spaghetti legs onto a stool at Webster Hall and she's got her little long skinny legs just like hanging there with her shoes like looking like they just got dumped.
00:17:31.000And by the way, this is what I want to promote in society.
00:17:35.000The things men build, like an aircraft carrier, or the things that build a ship.
00:17:42.000Like when you sit in a middle-class gimp's wheelchair,
00:17:47.000You're amazed at the fucking lack of friction.
00:17:51.000I mean, this thing was basically anti-gravitational.
00:17:55.000And so I rolled forward with just the slightest push, and I was 40 feet ahead, and I did the thing where you sort of rotate, you know, in concentric circles, counterintuitive circles, whatever you want to call it.
00:19:33.000And there's a dive bar on 14th and C. I forget what it's called now.
00:19:41.000But in New York City, there's the East Village, there's the West Village, there's these bar dense areas where rich kids go and a lot of like Jersey Shore people come down and we call them the bridge and tunnel crowd because they take a bridge and a tunnel to get to New York.
00:20:11.000But there are also bars where the rent is $3,000 a month and they've been grandfathered in and it takes a little while of living in New York to find these places.
00:20:29.000The bartender in this particular bar, you probably know it if you know New York and you know what I'm talking about, 14th and C. She would like paint shit on her face, like leaves and stuff.
00:21:29.000And then this is an interesting concept, by the way.
00:21:33.000People of the same height tend to congregate.
00:21:40.000And there was a trend in New York in around 2006, 2007, where they were making these styrofoam shoes where you would strap them to your shoes and everyone was six feet tall.
00:21:58.000So tall people would wear no shoes, but 5 foot people would have a styrofoam foot.
00:22:05.000And I think it's interesting that that concept even came up.
00:22:10.000Clearly, it's a reaction to the fact that tall people talk to each other.
00:22:14.000And in New York City, there's a weird thing where tall people congregate in New York City.
00:22:19.000So if you're tall in Knoxville, Tennessee, right, like say you're 6'2", not only do you think that you're taller than other people, you start to think you're better than other people.
00:22:29.000I'm not saying that's good or bad, by the way.
00:22:30.000And so you move to New York City, and the next thing you know, I'm 5'11".
00:22:49.000In L.A., I'm a fucking... In L.A., I pick people up and carry them to the bar, because it takes too long to wait for their little legs to make it to the bar.
00:23:17.000I remember this living in Quebec for 10 years.
00:23:20.000No matter what the party was, inevitably, at the end of the day, it would become English people on one side of the room and French people on the other side of the room.
00:23:29.000No matter how bilingual we all were, it inevitably always came down to that.
00:23:36.000And I've noticed this as an adult at parties, it's women and men.
00:23:40.000The women tend to congregate in the kitchen and the men tend to congregate in the living room or near a balcony so they can smoke cigars.
00:23:48.000By the way, fun joke, when that happens, is you go into the ladies area, it's usually the kitchen, and you say, hey guys, isn't it funny that at every party we all tend to separate based on, and they're waiting for gender, and you go based on IQ,
00:24:09.000It's a very rude thing to say that I find does well.
00:25:47.000And then he starts thinking, fuck you.
00:25:49.000Now his fuck you could have been, I'm actually having an affair with her, um, despite the fact that I'm married to her best friend.
00:25:57.000Or it could have been I don't trust you, which by the way would have been a valid instinct to have because I was not trustworthy at the time.
00:28:26.000So, it's very offensive content that she's saying, and this podcast obviously is getting very R-rated, but...
00:28:35.000We managed to ignore it as she keeps screaming and screaming about fellatio and how easy it is and how over it is.
00:28:43.000Obviously, the subtext is, Gavin, I know we're on a date, and I know this has gone awry, and I know you're talking to my handler, and I know I don't have a vagina that works.
00:28:52.000It probably has no nerve endings in it that work, but I will blow you.
00:28:59.000So that was sort of, I'm guessing, the sort of impetus of the blurting out the garbage about blowjobs, but that was going on in the scene, and I'm so drunk I'm starting to think, yeah, let's do it.
00:29:39.000I want your handicapped friend, and his dynamic was, I don't want you to have my handicapped friend.
00:29:47.000And we both recognize that, but we're continuing with our discussion about, I don't know, punk music or something totally unrelated, but there's this subtext.
00:29:53.000Because men and humans have this sort of, you know, pheromones.
00:29:57.000They have this chemical that's going through the air, and there's always a kind of unrecognized thing.
00:30:02.000Like when two guys are hitting on a girl, I describe it as two speedboats.
00:30:08.000And it's perfectly normal for two speedboats to hit on a girl.
00:30:51.000If the customer prefers, you know, gelato, then you let them eat gelato and your ice cream and you go the other way.
00:30:59.000And this is what was happening that night.
00:31:00.000And then, because I'm fucking Scottish, I started to get kind of aggro.
00:31:05.000And I was like, do you want to fucking fight for this?
00:31:07.000Now, I didn't say that, but we started getting weird with like chest puffing.
00:31:12.000And it started to get kind of tense and then everything we talked about had a double entendre about like, well, that would be a shame if that person did that and then got the fucking shit beat out of him.
00:31:48.000So she must have calmed down for the sole purpose of solidifying this deal.
00:31:54.000And she must have purposely obfuscated her handicap in a way to get a guy who was, I'm sorry, but out of her league.
00:32:06.000Uh, and it didn't work, and this poor bastard, this cuck, had to wheel her back home because the guy she was lying to was not into the lie.
00:32:24.000Well, the only consolation with this story is that I've told this story 1,000 times.
00:32:31.000I remember being at Terry Richardson's studio and I would do the visual of her leaving her wheelchair and going onto a stool and I would make my legs jelly as I did it, obviously.
00:32:43.000And I have brought tears to both Terry Richardson's eyes and Seth Goldfarb, his manager.
00:32:50.000I've made them both cry their eyes out as I maneuver myself from a chair to a higher stool, telling this story.
00:33:00.000And the moral of all of this is say yes to everything.
00:33:06.000Like Pee Wee Herman, Paul Rubens, one day he just said, you know what, I'm saying yes to everything.
00:33:11.000And some rednecks said, we want to have you over for dinner.
00:33:31.000And the Patriarch looks at him and he looks up, Paul Rubens looks up, and the Patriarch says, My God, it's like we're sitting here with Marilyn Monroe.
00:33:43.000Now, Paul Reubens has that story forever.
00:33:48.000I'll always have spaghetti legs in my head forever.
00:33:52.000And I've said to my wife many times, and I'll stand strong like Braveheart with a Scottish flag, if Oprah wanted to fuck me, I would fuck her.
00:34:02.000Because this obviously would not be romantic.
00:34:04.000We're not going to go to fucking Bahamas on a getaway.
00:34:07.000It won't be like that Woody Harrelson movie where the guy
00:34:10.000Was it Robert Redford paid a million dollars to be with his wife?
00:34:56.000But I think every society needs like nerds, people with their nose to the grindstone, tough guys, brawlers, weirdos who will fuck Oprah.
00:35:06.000Like we all need this crazy pizza pie of different personalities because we all help each other.
00:35:14.000You know, in the movie Avatar, you have the nerds and the military guys.
00:35:19.000Actually, fuck Avatar, that's a great example of this symbiosis that we all need in society.
00:35:25.000The military has nerds and alpha males.
00:35:28.000And the nerds build the technology, they build the rockets, they build the computers, and then the alpha males go and shoot them face to face with ISIS.
00:36:03.000I think that's you doing what is morally right at the time.
00:36:08.000So if you have a crazy opportunity, like say the Queen's brother, the Queen of England's brother says, here's a whoopee cushion.
00:36:19.000She's about to sit down, throw that under her ass when she sits down.
00:36:23.000You are morally obligated to put a whoopee cushion underneath the Queen's ass.
00:36:28.000And if she laughs or doesn't laugh is totally irrelevant.
00:36:32.000You need to convey that story to your fellow man because mankind is based on storytelling.
00:36:40.000I've said this a million times and it's very esoteric so people don't really get it but monkeys, bears, they can't tell stories to each other.
00:36:48.000Humans can tell stories and that's a magical gift from God because it's I can impart an experience to you and you weren't even there.
00:36:59.000Like you guys who listen to this podcast today have gone on a date with spaghetti legs.
00:37:59.000The thing I love about Jesse is he says things you never thought of before.
00:38:03.000And on the right, there's a lot of pundits who are derivative.
00:38:06.000I won't name names, but they tend to be women.
00:38:09.000And they just sort of say, we got to get America back and the first amendment and the second amendment and America's were built on blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:38:17.000They just, it's, they never make you scratch your head.
00:38:20.000And Jesse Lee Peterson says things that I go, holy shit, did you just say that?
00:38:26.000Milo is similar, where at least they offer new things that you've never thought of before.
00:38:31.000And that's what our jobs are as storytellers, to be, you know, to think outside the box, to blow someone's mind.
00:38:39.000You know, Roush V said, he said, if you couldn't charge a man with rape if you had invited him to your apartment, women would be a lot more careful about who they invited to their apartment.
00:38:52.000That was immediately changed into, Roush V wants rape to be legal.
00:38:57.000No, he was coming up with a brain puzzle.
00:39:28.000At least it makes you go, wait, what did you just say?
00:39:30.000And I feel like in 2018, we should have more of that.
00:39:35.000Anyway, we also have on CRTV tonight Cam Edwards, we have Chris Bedford from Daily Caller, we have Ash Scow on and we'll be talking about the latest news tropes and laughing at them all and playing games and looking at viral videos and talking to people in Times Square.
00:39:57.000And then Monday we have a memorial special where I'm going to watch a bunch of soldiers surprising their kids and try not to cry like a complete bitch fag, which I am.