Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - June 22, 2018


Get Off My Lawn Podcast #60 | It must be weird to be gay

Topics
racism and bias hangover clinics
Hosted by
Gavin McInnes
Mentioned
Brett Ratner Mark Wahlberg Chris Pratt Dante Nero Liza Anthony Cumia Judy Davis Trump Blow Robert De Niro Jennifer Aniston Monica Lewinsky Brigitte Bardot Chester Brown Heather Heyer Disney Cruise Adam Carolla Hillary Clinton Chris Cotton Nick DiPaolo and 21 more
Ep 145 | No Fund Me! | Get Off My Lawn Ep 146 | Suffer the Children | Get Off My Lawn

Episode Stats


Length

54 minutes

Words per minute

165.91

Word count

9,089

Sentence count

840

Harmful content

Misogyny

47

sentences flagged

Toxicity

328

sentences flagged

Hate speech

72

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

This week, the boys talk about how weird it must be to be gay, and how awkward it is to have sex with someone you're not into. They also talk about what it's like sleeping on a guy's back, and the awkwardness of sleeping on your back with a guy you don't care much for. Also, they talk about the weirdest thing they've ever had sex with a woman, and why they think it's weird to be sleeping on someone else's back. And, of course, there's a special guest appearance from their good friend Adam Carolla, who's a comedian, comedian, writer, podcaster, and all-around douchebag. And, as always, we have our Hot Girl Friday segment, where we talk about sex, sex, and more sex. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. The 500 is a production of Native Creative Podcasts. Our theme song is Come Alone by Suneaters, courtesy of Lotuspool Records, and our ad music is by Build Buildings Records. Please rate, review, and subscribe to our podcast on Apple Podcasts, wherever you get your music delivered. Please rate and review your music choices! Thank you so we can keep making music like this and keep spreading the word out there about what we're doing this podcast! We'll see you next week with a new episode of . Subscribe, review and subscribe in iTunes, and we'll send you're listening to our new episodes of next week! Subscribe on Anchor.fm.fm/The 500. Subscribe to our Podcasts! Thanks for listening and review our music is coming soon! and our new podcast is and we're listening out to your thoughts and reviews are on iTunes! on Podchaser! Send us your thoughts on this episode is coming out on your podcast and reviews and reviews on the podcast too! so we'll get it out to the world! we'll be reviewing it on the pod? in the next one on the air! if you review it on your thoughts, rating and what you like it's good enough, rating it on Insta and what do you think about it? and so on Instaposted on Instafilter? on Instagasm and what else?

Transcript

Transcripts from "Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:01.000 It must be weird to be gay. 0.77
00:00:04.000 It's literally weird.
00:00:05.000 You know what I mean?
00:00:08.000 Like, it's weird to be an albino.
00:00:11.000 And it's weird to be super tall. 1.00
00:00:13.000 Fuck. 1.00
00:00:13.000 I hate people who meet tall people. 1.00
00:00:17.000 I've said this a lot.
00:00:19.000 Stop asking them how tall they are, and stop asking them if they play basketball, alright?
00:00:25.000 They already have a huge handicap. 1.00
00:00:27.000 And that doesn't involve pussy, by the way. 0.99
00:00:29.000 Those guys get insanely late, so don't feel bad for them. 0.98
00:00:32.000 But they're always ducking under things, and they're always slouching so they can get down to people, and at parties, they tend not to talk to people because you have to crane your neck to look at them.
00:00:44.000 Um, but asking them how tall they are.
00:00:47.000 Ew, I'm 6'7".
00:00:48.000 That's so boring. 0.99
00:00:50.000 I hate you. 0.98
00:00:52.000 It's like when people say, what do you do? 0.99
00:00:54.000 Don't ask that. 0.99
00:00:55.000 I've had friends where I don't even know their fucking name. 0.99
00:00:58.000 My wife will go, oh, you went out with Willie again, right? 0.99
00:01:01.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:01:02.000 Does he have kids?
00:01:03.000 I don't know.
00:01:04.000 Is he married?
00:01:04.000 I don't know.
00:01:05.000 I barely know his name.
00:01:07.000 I don't know his last name.
00:01:09.000 Like, stick to the story.
00:01:11.000 Stick to the interesting thing you guys are talking about.
00:01:14.000 Hey, squirrels are weird. 0.99
00:01:16.000 Or another interesting thing, it must be weird to be gay. 0.99
00:01:22.000 Remember Shane Smith advice, we used to talk about how weird it must be to wake up in the nook of a man's shoulder?
00:01:31.000 You know, like, you know how a woman rarely want to do this with me, and I say women plural, but I guess I mean my wife, but I remember even in my single days, I loved the idea of a woman with her head like under my arm, sleeping like on my peck, you know what I mean? 0.99
00:01:46.000 Um, and they never seemed comfortable.
00:01:48.000 They'd do it for a little bit and then be like, yeah, I'm gonna go lie down over there, like on the other side of the bed where I can really catch some serious Z's.
00:01:55.000 But I always wanted a woman, like, in my nape. 1.00
00:01:58.000 Um, but it must be weird to be a homosexual and to just, ah, just... 1.00
00:02:09.000 Wake up on a guy's back just like snuggled just snuggling with a dude just and then it gets even weirder when we get into the sexuality where you're lying on your stomach I presume and a man puts his penis into your butthole. 0.99
00:02:26.000 And he's just going at it, you know, reaming away and you're just like, this is awesome. 1.00
00:02:31.000 Keep on hurting my, my anal lips. 0.99
00:02:34.000 Keep on, keep on making me uncomfortable. 0.99
00:02:38.000 Like at least with women, I assume after maybe the first like, you know, 10 pumps, I assume it feels pretty good. 1.00
00:02:45.000 Like itching a scratch, scratching an itch.
00:02:49.000 But with men, I don't, I can't see how that's pleasant.
00:02:53.000 And I think that's a normal instinct all heterosexual men feel.
00:02:56.000 And as Adam Carolla points out, it's surprising there isn't more homophobia in the world because these guys do such a weird thing.
00:03:07.000 And we're all like, whatever, that's your cup of tea.
00:03:11.000 We don't want you banished. 0.96
00:03:12.000 But it is fucking unusual. 1.00
00:03:16.000 And I was also thinking, as a woman, it must really suck to have sex with someone you're not into. 1.00
00:03:25.000 Because their weird little skinny boner, that's like a weird man-made thumb, is going in and out of your body in a very, you know, dangerous, secretive area. 0.99
00:03:39.000 That's going in and out of you. 0.90
00:03:41.000 That must feel
00:03:43.000 Very invasive. 0.99
00:03:44.000 Like, the thing about being a dude and fucking someone you're not into is you're just like... It's just like poking a swamp. 0.99
00:03:52.000 You're just like... pushing at the mildew.
00:03:55.000 That's okay.
00:03:56.000 That doesn't really put you out.
00:03:58.000 But having a stranger go in and out of you... I mean, that's a real sort of... passport.
00:04:06.000 You know what I mean?
00:04:07.000 That's a real give. 1.00
00:04:09.000 Oh, these fuckers with their chatting. 1.00
00:04:12.000 Unbelievable. 1.00
00:04:14.000 Am I going to have to go out there again?
00:04:16.000 Alright, we've got silence.
00:04:19.000 I swear to God, the next time that happens, I'm going to lose it. 0.99
00:04:25.000 Can you not just shut up? 0.97
00:04:26.000 It's like my wife said about Bill Clinton when he had that Monica Lewinsky thing. 1.00
00:04:31.000 Can you not just keep it in your pants for one term?
00:04:35.000 One thing you gotta hand it to Obama. 0.92
00:04:37.000 He didn't have any sex while he was in office.
00:04:42.000 That's good.
00:04:43.000 Finally.
00:04:45.000 Thank God.
00:04:47.000 It can't be that hard.
00:04:49.000 I mean, that's what marriage is, right?
00:04:51.000 You gotta keep it in your pants.
00:04:53.000 The first year, when you have a kid, you're not getting laid, I'm sorry.
00:04:56.000 And when I see people who are divorced, who have young kids, I go, what was the beef? 1.00
00:05:00.000 Sorry, you didn't get enough pussy? 1.00
00:05:01.000 Like, what the fuck? 1.00
00:05:04.000 What's your problem? 1.00
00:05:05.000 Even Chris Pratt, everyone's all excited about him, the right, they're so happy to get scraps.
00:05:11.000 Oh, Kanye likes us.
00:05:13.000 I don't feel that way.
00:05:15.000 Chris Pratt is divorced. 1.00
00:05:16.000 If you're divorced, you're fucked up. 1.00
00:05:17.000 No, but she's a crazy bitch, dude. 1.00
00:05:32.000 Well, why'd you impregnate a crazy bitch? 1.00
00:05:36.000 I heard that about Louis C.K., and that was always my biggest beef with him, is that he said, divorce is cool. 1.00
00:05:43.000 He said, if you find someone who's divorced, you should flatter them.
00:05:47.000 You should say, oh, congratulations.
00:05:49.000 Because no one ever ends a good marriage.
00:05:53.000 They only end a bad marriage.
00:05:56.000 So when you see someone who's divorced, you say, thank God.
00:06:00.000 God bless you. 0.99
00:06:02.000 Which is, of course, a totally myopic, self-centered way to see the whole exchange and to totally ignore the fact that his fucking daughters are out a dad. 0.99
00:06:12.000 No, he's a great dad. 0.99
00:06:14.000 Yeah, he's a great dad 50% of the time.
00:06:17.000 He only sees them half the week.
00:06:18.000 Half the week they don't have a dad. 1.00
00:06:20.000 No, but his wife is a fucking, she's a crazy bitch. 1.00
00:06:25.000 Okay, I'll take your word for it. 1.00
00:06:28.000 But, um, why did you come in a crazy bitch? 1.00
00:06:31.000 The kids are like two when you got divorced. 1.00
00:06:35.000 What were you doing?
00:06:35.000 Oh, it was an accident.
00:06:38.000 No one's ever said that about Lucy Kay, by the way, but I'm just going off on a tangent now.
00:06:41.000 Other people go, no, no, she got pregnant and then he had to marry her.
00:06:47.000 Who comes in women by accident? 1.00
00:06:52.000 I've made three kids on purpose.
00:06:54.000 I've never gotten a woman pregnant.
00:06:56.000 No woman I know has ever had an abortion.
00:06:59.000 Condoms are broken, yes.
00:07:01.000 I have checked them before the final countdown. 0.99
00:07:05.000 And then if they're broken, I jizz on her butt. 1.00
00:07:08.000 Who are these guys who are just... Like Chris Cotton, he's a black comedian I had on my show a bunch. 0.99
00:07:14.000 We argued about this for hours.
00:07:16.000 For many different days.
00:07:17.000 It was kind of like our go-to fight.
00:07:20.000 He's super Christian, by the way.
00:07:21.000 Our other go-to fight was that I don't love Jesus enough.
00:07:24.000 That's a whole other ball of wax, but... His thing was like, no, I definitely, I have to come in a thing. 1.00
00:07:31.000 Whether it's a pussy or a mouth, it has to be in an area. 1.00
00:07:35.000 I can't just... And I'm like, what do you mean, can't? 1.00
00:07:40.000 That's like saying, I can only poo in a green toilet.
00:07:42.000 That's my thing.
00:07:43.000 I'm sorry.
00:07:44.000 I can't.
00:07:45.000 I'm sure it's more pleasant to go in an area, but can't? 0.98
00:07:52.000 So he, before him and his wife were ready to have kids, he would just use a condom and ejaculate into a condom. 1.00
00:07:57.000 Because it had to be in a pussy. 1.00
00:08:00.000 And I admire him, by the way. 1.00
00:08:01.000 He's never, you know, had a baby at a wedlock.
00:08:04.000 He's not a bad dad.
00:08:05.000 He's not a deadbeat dad.
00:08:05.000 He's a good person.
00:08:07.000 But I don't get that instinct where it just has to be in a thing.
00:08:13.000 It's not even that much better.
00:08:14.000 It's like 7% better.
00:08:18.000 So these guys who got divorced at a young age, I don't like them.
00:08:21.000 And we talk about racism and bias.
00:08:25.000 That's a bias way higher up my chart than anything else. 0.99
00:08:29.000 I don't care if you're a gay albino black guy. 1.00
00:08:33.000 I do care if you blew your marriage while your baby is still a baby. 1.00
00:08:38.000 And Chris Pratt did that.
00:08:41.000 No, but she asked for the divorce. 1.00
00:08:43.000 70% of the time, the woman is the one who instigates the divorce. 0.97
00:08:48.000 Eh.
00:08:50.000 That's your fault, too.
00:08:52.000 If you're in a marriage, you're driving the boat.
00:08:56.000 And if the boat gets caught on a rock, or there's a mutiny on the bounty, or Robert De Niro from Cape Fear jumps on and tries to burn your daughter's face off, that's all on you.
00:09:09.000 You're the guy.
00:09:11.000 So I guess I understand divorce at 20, when the kids are 20 years old, the kids are 18, sort of.
00:09:18.000 I mean, I guess that's not as bad. 0.99
00:09:20.000 But even then, the fuck? 0.99
00:09:22.000 Just figure it out. 1.00
00:09:24.000 And there's this myth, too, with divorce, where they go, oh, well, the older guys want to trade them in for a younger model.
00:09:31.000 You know the movie Husbands and Wives with Woody Allen?
00:09:34.000 Woody Allen's movie, Husbands and Wives.
00:09:36.000 I think it's my second favorite movie after Animal House.
00:09:39.000 But Judy Davis, at one point, she goes, men!
00:09:42.000 They love you till you show your age, and then they want to trade you in for a younger model. 0.60
00:09:48.000 That's not really been my experience.
00:09:50.000 Like, I know Anthony Cumia's dating basically a babysitter, but Anthony Cumia's brother's girlfriend is literally a grandmother.
00:10:02.000 My experience has been, and I'm not just talking about my friends, I'm talking about my parents' friends.
00:10:06.000 Because, you know, I grew up in the 80s when divorced dads would sleep on my couch.
00:10:11.000 And I remember when divorce began.
00:10:13.000 It was basically 1980, was the beginning of divorce.
00:10:16.000 And in Canada it was a big thing because Canadians have this whole, they have this like, 1.00
00:10:23.000 I'm not taking anything for granted mentality.
00:10:26.000 It's pretty annoying.
00:10:27.000 Like imagine there was a new city like Atlantis or say we colonized Mars.
00:10:33.000 You know that that new colony on Mars would have things like, I'm going to wear three socks.
00:10:39.000 Two socks on one foot, one sock on the other foot.
00:10:42.000 Therefore, my right shoe is actually a size larger.
00:10:46.000 And it's much more comfortable.
00:10:47.000 You'd be surprised.
00:10:49.000 That's what Canadians do.
00:10:50.000 They're always reinventing the wheel.
00:10:51.000 Like Chester Brown has this graphic novel called Paying For It.
00:10:56.000 And it's beautiful, by the way.
00:10:59.000 He's one of the greatest cartoonists ever.
00:11:02.000 But his thesis is irritating, and that is, love doesn't exist.
00:11:08.000 Yeah?
00:11:08.000 Yeah, there's friendship that exists.
00:11:10.000 You love your friends, and you love women that are friends.
00:11:14.000 And then there's sex, and that's separate. 0.65
00:11:16.000 So prostitution, he's a huge prostitution advocate, which is a weird thing to be an advocate for. 0.73
00:11:22.000 It's kind of sad. 0.99
00:11:23.000 It's like being a masturbation advocate. 0.99
00:11:26.000 But he's super into prostitution. 0.97
00:11:29.000 And he did another book that's amazing that's about references to prostitution in the Bible, and he drew it, right? 0.81
00:11:36.000 And he makes a great case that the Bible is pro-prostitute, whatever.
00:11:43.000 But his hypothesis is that love doesn't exist, and then he ends up in real life, because he's an autobiocartoonist, we call him.
00:11:53.000 I was one, myself.
00:11:55.000 And they just tell the truth in their comics.
00:11:57.000 So it's like Batman, but it's you. 1.00
00:12:00.000 And in his comics, he has this prostitute that he uses for sex. 1.00
00:12:06.000 And guess what happens? 0.99
00:12:08.000 Lo and behold, he falls in love with her and ends up paying her to live with him.
00:12:14.000 And then it's called a wife, dude. 1.00
00:12:17.000 Like you pay her bills and she lives with you and you have sex with her and you don't want her fucking anyone else. 1.00
00:12:23.000 Yeah, you, in the attempt to devalidate marriage and tradition, you just recreated it. 0.99
00:12:31.000 We see this all the time with the far left, like, it's like a trans woman is having a baby in his stomach, and his wife, who's a man, is actually a cis male, but it's a woman, and then he drives, and you realize, yeah, you're just a couple. 0.52
00:12:49.000 Like I saw one, my wife, no, my husband is trying to have a baby and it's complicated. 1.00
00:12:55.000 And you look at the story and you realize your husband is just a fucking dude. 0.99
00:13:02.000 I mean, it's a chick with short hair and you are just a dude with long hair. 1.00
00:13:08.000 So it's a long haired dude married to a short haired wife.
00:13:13.000 So basically just the seventies.
00:13:16.000 Totally normal.
00:13:18.000 And yeah, you're trying to have a kid?
00:13:20.000 Best of luck, normal people.
00:13:23.000 So that's a thing with Canada is they're constantly trying to reinvent the wheel and blow people's minds, and it gets tedious.
00:13:31.000 And it's because they're a new country.
00:13:33.000 They got their flag in like 1980, their anthem around the same time.
00:13:38.000 They're still not even independent from Britain.
00:13:40.000 You know, Trump was in trouble recently for saying, didn't you guys burn down the White House in 1812?
00:13:45.000 And people go, that was Britain, dude.
00:13:47.000 Canada never really separated.
00:13:49.000 I think if you go to Wikipedia, the Queen is still the head of the state.
00:13:54.000 She's still on the money. 1.00
00:13:56.000 When I got my Canadian citizenship, being English, I was about eight years old, I think, and I had to pledge my allegiance to a giant oil painting of the Queen of England.
00:14:06.000 I had to look up at her and put my hand on my heart.
00:14:11.000 I knew it seemed important.
00:14:14.000 But, um...
00:14:17.000 Yeah, I wanted to make this podcast not about Canadians and politics, but about gays and the whole concept of sexuality and how different men and women are.
00:14:27.000 I mean, we pretend we're the same.
00:14:29.000 And some woman just punched Nick DiPaolo in the face, which I can't get over, because he's a tough guy from Long Island.
00:14:34.000 So if he had punched her back, she'd be dead.
00:14:37.000 And when he said, so the story, I don't know if you watch my show, Get Off My Lawn, but the story is, he's posing for pictures and he's shaking hands after his show.
00:14:47.000 And this dad comes up and says, great show, loved it.
00:14:51.000 Yeah, yeah, let me pose for a picture.
00:14:52.000 Let me get your face.
00:14:54.000 And as he says the word face,
00:14:55.000 The man's daughter, Cold Clocks, BAM!
00:14:59.000 Really nails Nick. 0.96
00:15:00.000 She's a fat, feminist, 35-year-old in mismatched socks and Birkenstocks. 1.00
00:15:07.000 And she punches a Long Island Goomba in the fucking face. 1.00
00:15:15.000 Like, we're not equal, ladies. 1.00
00:15:17.000 We're so fucking different. 0.99
00:15:19.000 It's insane how different we are. 1.00
00:15:23.000 And if I punched you, you'd die. 0.96
00:15:25.000 So he says, well, I'm going to have to sue her, I guess. 0.99
00:15:28.000 Right.
00:15:29.000 And she she stuck around, by the way.
00:15:31.000 This is the weird part of the story.
00:15:32.000 The dad and the daughter stuck around the bar and had beers where Nick was.
00:15:38.000 And the dad was like, can we work this out?
00:15:40.000 And he goes, no, I'm suing you because I can't beat her up.
00:15:43.000 I'd love to beat her up. 1.00
00:15:44.000 That'd be much simpler. 0.98
00:15:47.000 And she starts bawling her eyes out. 0.89
00:15:49.000 This happened to me, by the way.
00:15:51.000 I was at the airport with my kids, who looked mostly Chinese, because Native Americans look Chinese. 0.97
00:15:58.000 And this couple's taking pictures of me and my kids. 0.71
00:16:01.000 And they go, he's a Nazi!
00:16:04.000 And I just do the Tommy Robinson where I walk over with my camera and I film them and I go, what's the issue here?
00:16:09.000 What's going on?
00:16:10.000 You have a problem with my family?
00:16:11.000 You're photographing my children? 0.99
00:16:14.000 And she goes, I swear to God, first of all, the man, and this happened with my dog shit story too, the man who started the whole thing and was taking the pictures, he completely shuts down. 0.99
00:16:27.000 Like, he's not aggro or not aggro. 0.99
00:16:29.000 It's like someone reached into his power pack and just shut him off.
00:16:34.000 He's catatonic. 0.91
00:16:35.000 His eyes look like Nancy Pelosi's, like a dead goat. 0.94
00:16:38.000 And he's just staring into the abyss.
00:16:41.000 And I'm sort of like, hey!
00:16:42.000 Hey! 0.99
00:16:43.000 Like, he can't see anything.
00:16:44.000 He's so... He's literally in a state of shock.
00:16:48.000 I've shocked him. 0.99
00:16:50.000 I'm getting pissed with this chatting in the other fucking room. 0.99
00:16:56.000 I'm getting mad. 1.00
00:17:02.000 Hey guys, try to shut the fuck up! 1.00
00:17:09.000 Sorry about that. 0.99
00:17:15.000 And he's, he's, uh, it's hard to calm down.
00:17:20.000 This is what women don't get about men. 1.00
00:17:22.000 When we get mad, it takes a while to get un-mad.
00:17:25.000 Like, I'll hear a noise in my house, in the basement or something.
00:17:29.000 You know, we have a big house now.
00:17:31.000 We're in the burbs.
00:17:33.000 And I have several things by my bed.
00:17:35.000 I have a baseball bat, I have a machete, and I have a .30-06 Huntsman rifle.
00:17:41.000 So if it's like, and I hear talking, well now it's the rifle. 0.97
00:17:46.000 We're gonna blow some people's heads off.
00:17:49.000 If I hear like, 0.99
00:17:51.000 Then maybe it's an animal or a teenager. 0.96
00:17:54.000 That's more of a baseball bat machete type of a thing, where you're just going to bonk someone in the head.
00:18:00.000 If it's a very, very slight sound, that might just be me. 0.65
00:18:04.000 And I sleep nude. 0.97
00:18:06.000 So it's weird to be walking around the house with a rifle, nude, with the scope on it and stuff, like ready to murder a Puerto Rican junkie teenager. 1.00
00:18:17.000 And that gets your heart going, especially when you don't have anything.
00:18:22.000 Like if it's the just ping-tiddling.
00:18:24.000 So you're walking around the basement, nude, ready to take a man down.
00:18:29.000 And he's probably armed. 0.90
00:18:31.000 So you're ready to fight someone in a knife fight, nude, and like put him to sleep.
00:18:36.000 That gets your heart going.
00:18:38.000 Because you're thinking about all the different moves you're going to do, and how am I going to get him down?
00:18:42.000 It's not just fear of your own body, too.
00:18:45.000 You're worried about your kids not having a father.
00:18:47.000 So when you fight, when you're a dad with kids, you're fighting for your children to have a future.
00:18:53.000 So you're like, I guess I'll bite his eyeballs? 1.00
00:18:55.000 I guess I'll rip his tongue out and shove it up his ass? 1.00
00:18:58.000 Is that what we're going to do? 1.00
00:18:59.000 So your heart is pounding!
00:19:02.000 And then you get downstairs and the dog knocked over a broom.
00:19:05.000 And you go, oh, that's what it was.
00:19:07.000 Okay.
00:19:08.000 So you get, you check all the doors.
00:19:10.000 Yeah, everything's locked.
00:19:12.000 And then you go back upstairs and you're just lying there in your bed with, you just left the MMA ring with Conor McGregor, like ready to fight to the death.
00:19:22.000 And you're just lying in bed going, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. 0.99
00:19:26.000 Like, I'd need half a bottle of Makers and a blowjob to get to sleep. 0.99
00:19:30.000 And a joint. 0.99
00:19:31.000 And a vape.
00:19:35.000 But you can't do that.
00:19:36.000 So you just lie there with your heart pounding.
00:19:38.000 And that's like when women talk about domestic chores and we have to do all this stuff. 1.00
00:19:42.000 Yeah, I have to make sure the house works, the house is safe, the windows are all secured, the lawn is cared for, the garbage is out, and I have to make sure that I kill anyone who comes inside uninvited. 0.78
00:19:56.000 You're the security guard. 0.65
00:19:58.000 Most security guards, that's their only job.
00:20:00.000 They just sit there in that little booth making sure no bad guys come in.
00:20:05.000 At Jennifer Aniston's house they have, where I've stayed many times by the way, that's a whole other podcast, they have like these Israeli Krav Maga guys who their only job is to sit there in the little hut and you know monitor the property and make sure nothing untowards happens. 0.60
00:20:23.000 That's all dad's jobs.
00:20:27.000 Let me be clear here.
00:20:29.000 All dads have that as a job. 0.76
00:20:32.000 But it's one of many. 0.99
00:20:34.000 So we should maybe not have to do the fucking dishes all the time. 0.99
00:20:38.000 Anyway, so I go up to this couple. 0.99
00:20:41.000 And he is catatonic.
00:20:43.000 He's dead to the world. 0.97
00:20:44.000 It's like a possum or something that's been hypnotized.
00:20:48.000 And she starts freaking out. 0.98
00:20:50.000 And this black woman is behind her and she's rubbing her back. 1.00
00:20:54.000 Like, I feel like saying the black woman, why are you assuming she's right that I'm a Nazi? 1.00
00:20:58.000 Maybe she's fucking wrong? 0.99
00:21:01.000 And she's rubbing her back and the woman says to me, just go, just go! 0.99
00:21:08.000 You're making a woman cry! 1.00
00:21:12.000 That's what she said.
00:21:14.000 Just go, just go.
00:21:15.000 You're making a woman cry. 0.99
00:21:17.000 And that's sort of what goes on with this whole new thing of, like, men can't fight.
00:21:22.000 Men shouldn't be violent.
00:21:24.000 Men shouldn't be confrontational.
00:21:25.000 But women should be. 1.00
00:21:27.000 Women should bring baseball bats to rallies. 1.00
00:21:29.000 Heather Heyer should show up to Charlottesville to beat up a bunch of Nazis in leggings and flip-flops. 1.00
00:21:36.000 She's ready to take down whatever comes at her. 0.98
00:21:38.000 And she's gonna do a great job. 0.68
00:21:42.000 And so, the new narrative is that women should fight and men should not.
00:21:46.000 And when these women do, they come in with all guns blazing, ready to rock, and then you flick them in the nose and they have a heart attack. 1.00
00:21:55.000 I guess that was sort of like the guy at the airport, too.
00:21:57.000 He also had a heart attack.
00:22:00.000 But these girls show up at these rallies with, like, pink shields and pink baseball bats and pink helmets and they're the matching squad. 1.00
00:22:07.000 Lady, my buddy Aiden Gurt, who was a drummer for my band in the 80s, Eno Chinook, he's in Godspeed You Black Emperor now.
00:22:16.000 We were hanging out at this cafe called the EFAC cafe.
00:22:19.000 It was cafe backwards.
00:22:21.000 And skinheads were terrorizing us in the 80s, which is a whole other crazy story. 0.99
00:22:27.000 The reason there were so many skinheads is because there was the Canadian Jewish Anti-Defamation League, whatever the fuck they were called. 0.90
00:22:35.000 And they got this huge surge of income and the money was to try to fight the Nazi problem in Canada, which did not exist at all. 0.95
00:22:45.000 It was seven white bearded men in Calgary, Winnipeg, and Etobicoke.
00:22:52.000 So with the money, they got involved with CSIS, which is like the Canadian CIA.
00:22:57.000 And they started this thing called the Heritage Foundation.
00:23:01.000 And they would have pamphlets and rallies, all in an attempt to accrue the names of the Canadian Nazis.
00:23:11.000 But after one hour of work, you have all seven Canadian Nazis. 0.95
00:23:17.000 But they didn't have an hour.
00:23:18.000 They had 7,000 hours and millions of dollars.
00:23:22.000 So they ended up starting all these festivals and the Heritage Foundation and pamphlets and rallies to find the names, but they ended up creating the names.
00:23:32.000 So in the 80s, Nazi skinheads were everywhere.
00:23:37.000 At every show!
00:23:38.000 They would come and beat us up at our punk shows, and then they would beat up the band!
00:23:43.000 There was a band called SNFU that had an Asian singer named Chai Pig.
00:23:48.000 I remember in Ottawa, the Nazi skinheads got on the stage to fight the band!
00:23:53.000 Now, luckily, these guys are from, I believe, Calgary or Winnipeg or something?
00:23:57.000 One of those super hockey-centric cities.
00:24:00.000 So they're all huge brawlers.
00:24:02.000 So they were perfectly happy to fight anyone who had a problem.
00:24:05.000 This was back in the days when fighting was just like farting.
00:24:11.000 And they weren't remotely intimidated, which you wouldn't see today.
00:24:14.000 I mean, today you'd hear a band going, I got a rude tweet.
00:24:23.000 But yeah, they created a Nazi skinhead scene. 0.56
00:24:25.000 And you know what got rid of them? 0.98
00:24:27.000 There was a band in Toronto called BFG, a bunch of fucking goofs, and they just got in a school bus one day and they beat up all the Nazi skinheads in Toronto, all the Nazi skinheads in Ottawa, all the Nazi skinheads in Montreal. 0.99
00:24:39.000 Boom. 0.99
00:24:40.000 We never heard of Nazi skinheads ever again.
00:24:40.000 They were gone.
00:24:44.000 That's the beauty of violence.
00:24:46.000 Violence is a wonderful thing.
00:24:47.000 It's very healthy to be in a fight.
00:24:49.000 That's what my show is on tonight, CRTV Tonight.
00:24:53.000 We just shot it at a boxing gym.
00:24:54.000 Well, the opening we shot.
00:24:56.000 But it's good to be in a fist fight.
00:24:58.000 It revitalizes you.
00:24:59.000 It replenishes your masculinity.
00:25:02.000 And I know it's intimidating, but as my dad pointed out, you don't overthink it.
00:25:08.000 Just throw yourself in.
00:25:09.000 Pretend you left your body.
00:25:13.000 So take your soul out of your body and then just sort of turn it, push the forward button on your body and send your body into the fight.
00:25:21.000 Let it handle it.
00:25:22.000 Don't think about what moves you're going to do. 1.00
00:25:24.000 Just be like, bye body, you're fucked. 1.00
00:25:27.000 Fuck you, body. 1.00
00:25:30.000 That'd be a cool t-shirt. 1.00
00:25:32.000 Fuck you, body. 1.00
00:25:35.000 Um, and just subject yourself to it. 1.00
00:25:37.000 Now, fuck, I was going to talk about something involving that concept of the beauty of violence, but I fucking forgot. 1.00
00:25:48.000 Having a 47-year-old brain is just a curse. 1.00
00:25:52.000 And you get dumber and dumber as you get older. 1.00
00:25:54.000 I remember my dad will tell the same story. 0.99
00:25:56.000 Every time he tells a story I've heard, I go, oh, I'm familiar with that.
00:25:59.000 It's story 37B.
00:26:02.000 But I'm becoming that guy.
00:26:03.000 There was a horror movie when I was a kid in the 80s called The Beast Within, and this guy, you're a normal kid, and then you turn 18, and then you, the Beast Within comes out in you, and you're all of a sudden a monster, and then you go, you become invisible, 0.86
00:26:19.000 And then you rape a woman, and then that woman gets pregnant, and she has a normal kid, and then when he turns 18, he becomes an invisible rapist.
00:26:28.000 And the movie's called The Beast Within. 0.99
00:26:30.000 I haven't seen it in about, literally, 40 years.
00:26:35.000 But, uh, it's a cool concept, and I feel that way, like I'm becoming my dad.
00:26:40.000 I am the Beast Within.
00:26:41.000 The Beast Within is out.
00:26:44.000 And I tell stories like 37B. 0.97
00:26:46.000 I went to fucking work last week in a three-piece suit with my briefcase. 0.98
00:26:51.000 The studio's closed. 0.99
00:26:52.000 We don't shoot a show on Friday.
00:26:53.000 I thought it was Thursday.
00:26:55.000 And I'm all like, ready for work.
00:26:56.000 Done all my prep.
00:26:57.000 Ready to rock, buster.
00:26:59.000 Why is the door locked?
00:27:00.000 Uh, because no one's in the studio on Fridays, dude. 0.99
00:27:06.000 Absolutely fucking ridiculous. 0.91
00:27:11.000 But yeah, the show tonight on CRTV Tonight is about the merits of violence, the joy of fighting, and how perfectly healthy it is, and how sad it is we got away from that, and the whole idea of calling the police all the time. 0.99
00:27:25.000 It's not good.
00:27:26.000 This idea of, you know, legislation and paperwork every time there's a conflict.
00:27:33.000 It's really unhealthy. 0.99
00:27:35.000 It's gay. 1.00
00:27:37.000 And I don't mean homosexual. 1.00
00:27:38.000 I actually... Millennials are sub-fag. 1.00
00:27:44.000 It's stupid to call anyone gay anymore. 1.00
00:27:47.000 Because gays... Like, my gay neighbor upstate, he built a chicken coop and then a bear got into it and ate all the chickens. 1.00
00:27:55.000 So he shot a bear. 0.98
00:27:57.000 And, you know, he built a pool.
00:27:58.000 He didn't have a lot of money.
00:28:00.000 He's a baker, so he got an overground pool, but he built a beautiful deck around it and it looks as good as an inground pool.
00:28:07.000 And he, he, you know, makes his own wine and he finishes his basement by himself.
00:28:13.000 Like, and then added a bathroom.
00:28:16.000 There's a bath down there with running water that's hot and cold and he did it all himself.
00:28:21.000 Totally alone.
00:28:23.000 With the cool, you know, plumbing is so cool now.
00:28:25.000 It's not plastic, it's this, well it is plastic, but it's like, you know, these malleable, almost like garden hoses.
00:28:31.000 That's what brings the water from A to B and you just, you just need a plumbing clamp to cinch it around the joint.
00:28:38.000 So there's no more, like, copper going everywhere.
00:28:40.000 It's just a bunch of garden hoses.
00:28:41.000 And then he puts insulation on that, puts some drywall down, ready to rock. 0.99
00:28:45.000 Am I gonna call that guy a fag? 1.00
00:28:47.000 That's not insulting. 1.00
00:28:52.000 Is he, oh, you gay lord finishing your basement with a giant clawfoot bathtub that works perfectly? 1.00
00:28:59.000 You fucking fag. 1.00
00:29:01.000 No. 1.00
00:29:02.000 Gays have ceased to be an insult. 0.98
00:29:04.000 Gays became more masculine than most men, and most men went way down below Gaylord. 0.96
00:29:10.000 And now, to call a millennial gay is a compliment. 1.00
00:29:14.000 They wish, they wish they could become gay. 1.00
00:29:18.000 They wish they could get fucked in the ass. 1.00
00:29:20.000 Actually, they do. 1.00
00:29:20.000 Actually, they don't have sex. 1.00
00:29:23.000 Like, we had this guy, Ben Ratner, the old producer at Compound Media, and he was a virgin, 24 years old, and totally fine with that.
00:29:32.000 I mean, I am trying to get on top of it, but it's been a while.
00:29:38.000 Well, it hasn't been a while.
00:29:40.000 It's been never.
00:29:42.000 You know, he went with a bunch of his friends, male and female.
00:29:45.000 Ben Ratner, I hope you're out there.
00:29:46.000 You can look him up. 0.99
00:29:47.000 Hideous Jewish guy. 1.00
00:29:49.000 Smart guy. 0.97
00:29:50.000 A good person.
00:29:52.000 But just, like, devoid of testosterone.
00:29:56.000 He goes to Disneyland with his friends, male and female.
00:30:00.000 This is at the age of 24.
00:30:02.000 Can you imagine, as a 24-year-old... That's when I started Vice, by the way.
00:30:07.000 Vice.
00:30:08.000 The word is bad stuff to do.
00:30:12.000 He went to Disneyland with males and females.
00:30:15.000 He didn't drink that much and there was no sex to be had.
00:30:19.000 Can you imagine you at 24 going to Disneyland with like four dudes and four chicks?
00:30:26.000 It was dudes and chicks. 0.99
00:30:29.000 We would be arrested, kicked out, in a great way I mean.
00:30:33.000 We would have snuck into a thing at night.
00:30:35.000 We would have broken some stuff.
00:30:36.000 We'd be in the haunted house or whatever it is.
00:30:38.000 After it was closed, would have hid in there, waited for the closing, snuck in bottles of booze, and then partied in like It's a Small World at four in the morning.
00:30:49.000 Oh my god, the hijinks!
00:30:53.000 I went on a Disney Cruise with my family and managed to get up to some hijinks, even with three kids and a wife sleeping in our cabin.
00:31:05.000 I don't recommend Disney Cruise, by the way. 0.99
00:31:06.000 It fucking sucks and everyone on there is incredibly lame and doesn't want to talk. 1.00
00:31:09.000 It's really, really lame. 1.00
00:31:11.000 Or even, we went on a holiday resort recently to, uh, shit, what's it called? 1.00
00:31:16.000 There's my shitty brain again. 0.99
00:31:18.000 It's, uh, it's done up like an Aztec thing, it's in Barbados or Bahamas or something, and it's like this, it's made up like a Indiana Jones discovered Aztec society, but it's a giant water park, and you stay at the hotel and you ride the slides and you line up forever. 0.98
00:31:36.000 Anyway, even there at 47 I managed to steal a pass and sneak down and go into the catacombs of the entire structure and ride around in a golf cart and check out all their little stations and the
00:31:54.000 It said, there was this banner they kept having in the hallways and it said, Blow the customer's mind!
00:32:00.000 And everyone was freaking out because I was the only white guy down there.
00:32:04.000 And I had a dress shirt on so they thought it was staff, like management.
00:32:08.000 So I didn't have the courage to take my camera out, but I would love to get a picture of that because I could just crop it and say,
00:32:13.000 Blow the customers! 0.99
00:32:33.000 So the different divisions had different teams and they would compete for like best employee and shit. 1.00
00:32:38.000 That was fascinating. 0.99
00:32:39.000 So that's just a geriatric man at a resort getting up to some mischief. 0.65
00:32:45.000 And I have a wife and kids upstairs.
00:32:48.000 And if I get kicked out, I've ruined their whole vacation, right?
00:32:51.000 So I wasn't getting that crazy.
00:32:54.000 I'm not bragging. 1.00
00:32:55.000 Ben Ratner was 24 at Disneyland and after going on some fucking rides sober as a judge and eating a goddamn fucking hot dog like a faggot like he's eating a cock he went back to his room and read a book and hit the hay. 1.00
00:33:15.000 Maybe watched a movie with Sandra Bullock in it. 1.00
00:33:18.000 What the fuck is going on with the kids today? 0.99
00:33:23.000 He started the Proud Boys, by the way, because I was so distraught by his behavior. 0.99
00:33:29.000 I said, all right, here's what we're gonna do.
00:33:30.000 I can fix you.
00:33:31.000 You need a motorbike.
00:33:32.000 It doesn't have to be, you know, 150 cc.
00:33:35.000 I mean, it doesn't have to be a thousand cc's.
00:33:37.000 We can do 50 cc's.
00:33:39.000 It can be a moped.
00:33:40.000 Women don't get cc's. 1.00
00:33:42.000 They don't care if you have a Harley-Davidson fucking Red Wing Skull Rider or just a bee sewing machine. 1.00
00:33:51.000 I actually have a theory that when women ride on the back of whatever bike you have, it vibrates their clit. 1.00
00:33:56.000 And I think you have a Pavlovian response where they go, when I'm with Ben, my area feels nice.
00:34:03.000 I've just made that up, but I didn't just make it up right now, I've made it up a long time ago, but I honestly think there is a Pavlovian response when women ride on the back of a motorized vehicle. 1.00
00:34:12.000 A two-wheeled motorized vehicle.
00:34:17.000 And it doesn't have to be a big hog. 0.90
00:34:18.000 In fact, there's probably more dildoing going on with the 50cc thing. 0.95
00:34:25.000 So I said, get a moped. 0.91
00:34:27.000 Grow a little bit of facial hair, please.
00:34:29.000 You look like Judy, that puppet that was popular in the 80s. 1.00
00:34:34.000 You look like a racist caricature of a Jew. 0.99
00:34:37.000 So that's not good. 1.00
00:34:38.000 Grow some hair.
00:34:40.000 And get a leather jacket used and go to a boxing gym.
00:34:46.000 You don't have to spar.
00:34:47.000 You don't have to become a professional boxer, but just punch a heavy bag. 0.64
00:34:51.000 That's you punching the enemies in your life.
00:34:53.000 That's you punching the things holding you back.
00:34:56.000 It's very healthy for a man to go to a boxing gym and you don't even have to step in the ring.
00:35:00.000 Like at my gym, you're not allowed to spar unless you have a ticket book or whatever it's called.
00:35:05.000 So I'm only ever sparring with like a coach.
00:35:08.000 So I don't do much fighting.
00:35:10.000 But still, hitting those bags and hitting those pads with the coach, that's still very healthy.
00:35:17.000 You don't have to fight a guy.
00:35:21.000 So I told him to do that, and then I said the last thing, stop beating off. 1.00
00:35:27.000 Stop masturbating, stop watching porn. 1.00
00:35:29.000 It's making you into a pussy. 1.00
00:35:31.000 And, you know, I used to do it too, so it's not like I'm coming at this from like a Christian perspective or anything, but I'm shocked that I used to do it. 1.00
00:35:41.000 I mean, you're sitting there touching your junk, watching another man fornicate. 0.99
00:35:48.000 How insane is that? 1.00
00:35:50.000 I mean, if you did that in real life, you'd go to jail. 1.00
00:35:54.000 Imagine some dude, handsome gentleman, well built, with a huge dick, is fucking a woman, and you're there on a kitchen chair right next to them going, oh yeah, she's liking that, dude. 1.00
00:36:07.000 You're doing a great job, buddy. 1.00
00:36:10.000 Oh, you got that. 1.00
00:36:10.000 You got a hell of a dick, my friend. 1.00
00:36:13.000 You're really up to your old tricks again. 1.00
00:36:15.000 Classic you.
00:36:16.000 I wonder if there's guys who follow male actors in porn because they're so good at it. 0.99
00:36:21.000 Like, I gotta watch another one of these Johnny Penis Pants. 0.99
00:36:25.000 Actually, that happened in the 70s, right? 0.97
00:36:26.000 Like that Dirk McGurk thing with the Mark Wahlberg movie.
00:36:29.000 There was a guy, Dirk Diggler or whatever, who was a famous porn star.
00:36:32.000 There was one in the 70s, I forget his name, but I think it's who Mark Wahlberg's character was based on.
00:36:37.000 So guys would do that. 0.99
00:36:38.000 They'd follow a really good fucker. 1.00
00:36:40.000 This guy's one of the tough fuckers in the building. 1.00
00:36:45.000 Uh, that's, again, sub-gay. 1.00
00:36:48.000 That is so... 0.98
00:36:50.000 Unmasculine.
00:36:52.000 And you'll notice, by the way, when you stop beating off that your life just starts improving.
00:36:58.000 You sing in the shower.
00:36:59.000 You walk down the street feeling better.
00:37:02.000 You have an element of fearlessness, too.
00:37:04.000 Like, you know how you're hungover?
00:37:05.000 You feel vulnerable?
00:37:08.000 By the way, I met someone today at lunch.
00:37:11.000 A woman.
00:37:13.000 Through my professional relationships, obviously this was not a date, and she said she had track marks from hangover cures.
00:37:22.000 I've never heard of this before.
00:37:23.000 Have you heard of this?
00:37:24.000 There's hangover clinics you go to when you're hungover, and they put an IV in your arm.
00:37:30.000 It's 150 bucks, and it sends like nutrients and caffeine and all this stuff into your blood.
00:37:35.000 Anti-nausea stuff.
00:37:37.000 And when, after like 10 minutes, you're not remotely hungover anymore.
00:37:41.000 You feel like a million bucks.
00:37:42.000 Boom. 1.00
00:37:43.000 You could drink a bottle of Maker's Mark, go to this fucking hangover clinic, and you're a brand new man. 1.00
00:37:49.000 Instantly. 0.99
00:37:50.000 Anyway, this woman that I know through the media business, we're talking about doing a project together, she had, they had trouble finding a vein. 0.90
00:38:00.000 She's never done heroin in her life.
00:38:03.000 They had trouble finding a vein because she had done this so many times.
00:38:09.000 That she had scarring. 1.00
00:38:11.000 She had hangover track marks on her fucking arms. 1.00
00:38:19.000 Is that unbelievable? 1.00
00:38:21.000 Anyway, sorry. 0.97
00:38:24.000 So, I set up all this criteria with Ben, and I said, blah blah blah blah, moped, I'll fucking pay for it. 0.88
00:38:31.000 Like a 50cc moped is probably 200 bucks. 0.95
00:38:33.000 And the gym membership I'll pay for, blah blah blah.
00:38:36.000 And he said, I gotta stop ya at the porn thing.
00:38:38.000 Uh, no thank you.
00:38:40.000 And I said, what do you mean?
00:38:42.000 And he goes, because I discovered it, the comedian, another black comedian, Dante Nero.
00:38:48.000 We did it as a joke.
00:38:49.000 We said, let's go 10 days and see what happens.
00:38:52.000 See who can break first.
00:38:53.000 And we did it.
00:38:54.000 And then we're like, we would correspond with each other like we were like a sponsor.
00:38:58.000 I'd go, I'm getting close, dude.
00:39:00.000 The missus isn't into it tonight.
00:39:02.000 Sure wouldn't mind a bit of red tube.
00:39:03.000 And he's like, hang in strong, my brother.
00:39:06.000 Don't do it.
00:39:08.000 And so we wouldn't.
00:39:09.000 And after 10 days, we both go, let's do a month.
00:39:13.000 And we did.
00:39:14.000 And we just like both of our lives improved.
00:39:18.000 100%.
00:39:18.000 I know that's an overused adjective, but I think it's accurate in this case.
00:39:24.000 I made twice as much money, my marriage improved two-fold, I wanted to spend more time with my kids, I got out of bed earlier because there's no reason to lie there fucking beating your meat. 0.98
00:39:37.000 My life improved. 0.97
00:39:38.000 Anyway, I said that to Ben, and he goes, and I quote, he says, sorry, that's all I got.
00:39:45.000 That's all I got.
00:39:48.000 But Ben, that's the problem.
00:39:51.000 That's all you got.
00:39:52.000 It's like fasting.
00:39:54.000 Like, I want you to go and get more food.
00:39:58.000 No thanks.
00:39:59.000 It's like a man's house only has Cheetos in it.
00:40:02.000 And I go, you gotta stop eating Cheetos.
00:40:04.000 You're gonna get scurvy.
00:40:05.000 Go out to a restaurant.
00:40:06.000 Get some other food.
00:40:07.000 No, thank you.
00:40:08.000 I got my Cheetos.
00:40:09.000 You know, if I stop eating these, I'll starve.
00:40:11.000 No, you won't.
00:40:13.000 You're just, you're eating what's there. 0.99
00:40:15.000 This is like, if you were an alien and you came and you wanted to control earthlings, you'd go, give them pawn machines, make them masturbate at home, make them not talk to girls, and eat. 0.98
00:40:26.000 By the way, Ben Ratner's Diet, that's a whole other podcast. 0.98
00:40:30.000 His idea of a delicious meal is just a bowl of broccoli and I think soy sauce he dips it in or something or egg roll sauce He's obviously autistic. 1.00
00:40:40.000 He has Asperger's and You can tell when someone eats a bowl of broccoli for dinner, they're obviously fucked in the head, but my point is 0.99
00:40:50.000 A generation ago, we had room for autistic people. 0.99
00:40:54.000 They would just marry like an autistic, kind of chubby woman, and then they'd have, they'd fuck whenever it was appropriate, and they wouldn't beat off, and they'd have kids, and they'd just be like, oh your dad's an intense nerd? 0.99
00:41:04.000 Oh, okay. 1.00
00:41:04.000 You'd still be part of society. 1.00
00:41:06.000 Now... 1.00
00:41:08.000 There's so many avenues for these fuckers that they just say, I don't belong in society, and they peace themselves out. 1.00
00:41:14.000 And then we don't have a society, so we bring in immigrants. 1.00
00:41:17.000 And we go, hey immigrants, can you be normal and breed and stuff? 1.00
00:41:20.000 Our fucking nerds are eating broccoli. 1.00
00:41:23.000 And they go, yeah man. 1.00
00:41:24.000 I'm happy to be a normal person as long as I can live in this fucking awesome place and buy an ATV for my eight-year-old kid and go have a huge barbecue at the park where all my friends are there and my cousins and we're playing music and then we get wasted and my kids have even my two-year-old he has like a plastic motorcycle that he goes up and down the driveway in this is fucking awesome man and we go yeah okay so you just replace this you do that stuff and as far as Ben goes fuck it 0.99
00:41:53.000 I disagree. 0.99
00:41:54.000 I would rather fix our guys.
00:41:56.000 And that's what we tried to do with the Proud Boys, but...
00:42:00.000 We've changed from that.
00:42:02.000 That was the initial sort of, the initially, the meetups were like 20 guys and three of them would be hopeless virgins.
00:42:10.000 And the 17 guys would sort of, especially Dante Nero, would sort of huddle around the nerds and go, all right, this is what we're gonna do.
00:42:16.000 And Dante's thing was you gotta lay five bricks.
00:42:19.000 So five bricks a day you have to lay.
00:42:21.000 And that means you have to gesture to a lady five times a day. 0.69
00:42:25.000 Now that doesn't mean, hello my darling, may I hold thee? 0.99
00:42:29.000 But you can just, like, you look fucking beautiful! 0.99
00:42:33.000 That's a brick. 0.99
00:42:34.000 That counts.
00:42:36.000 So just interact in a slightly flirty way five times a day and eventually the sheer numbers of it will get you to a point where you're getting laid again.
00:42:45.000 But I've noticed in recent meetups the sort of beta males have slipped away because, I don't know, I guess they get scared and they feel inadequate.
00:42:55.000 It's sort of like if a mentally ill or handicapped person was hanging out with a football team.
00:43:03.000 I think after a while they'd feel like, I'm going to get killed here. 0.99
00:43:06.000 Like these Spartans are going to get drunk and smash me with a rock.
00:43:10.000 So those guys don't really hang out anymore.
00:43:13.000 But the central focus of the group is still there.
00:43:16.000 And that is, be a man.
00:43:19.000 It's awesome being a man.
00:43:20.000 It's awesome fighting.
00:43:21.000 It's awesome being violent.
00:43:22.000 Hate is awesome.
00:43:25.000 Hate is just the opposite of love.
00:43:27.000 I'm seething with hatred everywhere I go.
00:43:29.000 And it could be someone in flip-flops, could be a guy that pissed all over the lid in the bathroom, and then was fixing his hair after pissing all over the lid while he tucked his sweater into his pants.
00:43:45.000 Don't worry, we had words, and I screamed at him, I go, 0.99
00:43:49.000 You're fucking pissed on the lid, you know! 0.98
00:43:53.000 Normally I have a chance to calm down, but this guy, he left the bathroom and the bathroom was in a building that was like a corporate building, and then there was a cafe where we were having breakfast, also part of the building. 1.00
00:44:06.000 So to go pee, you didn't use the cafe's bathroom, you used the building bathroom. 0.99
00:44:11.000 And I fucking come storming, because I took a shit. 1.00
00:44:14.000 So I sat in his piss. 1.00
00:44:16.000 And I was sitting there going, wiping his piss off my butt cheeks. 1.00
00:44:21.000 Going, can you imagine if a stranger just pissed on your ass? 1.00
00:44:25.000 How mad you'd be? 1.00
00:44:27.000 Like if someone slapped you in the face, you'd be furious.
00:44:29.000 And that's illegal by the way. 0.99
00:44:30.000 But what if someone pulled down your pants and just started pissing on your butt cheeks? 1.00
00:44:35.000 You would have a heart attack. 1.00
00:44:36.000 You'd be like, I'm gonna murder your whole fuckin' family! 1.00
00:44:40.000 But, and that's what this man did. 1.00
00:44:42.000 He pissed on my buttcheeks. 0.99
00:44:44.000 So I washed my buttocks with, like, a roll of toilet paper, cleaning my buns of his urine. 1.00
00:44:53.000 His urine on my personal, private buttcheeks. 0.99
00:44:59.000 And I thought, maybe I'll calm down by the time I get back to the cafe, but as I 0.99
00:45:03.000 Dormed out of there! 1.00
00:45:04.000 I already hated him when I walked in, because I was like, dying of shit, dying of shit. 1.00
00:45:08.000 And he didn't use the urinal, he went in the stall to piss. 1.00
00:45:11.000 So he forgo, forgone? 0.95
00:45:13.000 He forgoed the urinal, and then just, just with his foreskin down, just pissed all over the toilet seat. 0.90
00:45:21.000 And then got out, and I'm like, finally! 0.86
00:45:23.000 And I go in, and I'm about to have explosive diarrhea, so I just like, whip off my pants and just splash. 0.99
00:45:30.000 Drop my cup of Guinness out of my ass. 0.99
00:45:34.000 And, uh, he's in there. 0.99
00:45:37.000 Um, I don't know how I know this, because how would I see out of the stall?
00:45:42.000 Anyway, for some reason I remember him sitting in the bathroom, combing his hair, slicking it back, with an orange sweater tucked into pants. 0.99
00:45:51.000 Who the fuck? 0.99
00:45:52.000 You can tuck your sweater into your pants, but you can't control where your pee goes? 1.00
00:45:57.000 So, when I'm finally done, I storm out,
00:46:01.000 And he's not even back at the cafe.
00:46:03.000 He's reading what the different floors are in this corporate building.
00:46:08.000 So, Floor 3, Section 3B, Ross Moignon, this is in Montreal, a dental technician.
00:46:18.000 Hmm.
00:46:18.000 Oh, you're on the third floor, are you?
00:46:20.000 Who the fuck reads the board of what the different floors are on a Sunday when everything's closed? 1.00
00:46:27.000 What the fuck are you doing? 1.00
00:46:29.000 So I'm already mad, and then I see that, I see the sweater, and I just go, you're fucking pissed on the lid, you know? 1.00
00:46:35.000 I can't do it in here or I'll break the mic. 0.83
00:46:38.000 And he sort of jumps, right?
00:46:41.000 Because I screamed at the top of my lungs.
00:46:44.000 And he goes, what?
00:46:46.000 How do you know?
00:46:46.000 Of course he's French.
00:46:48.000 And I know you Americans, you see the French as culturally enriched and fancy. 1.00
00:46:53.000 Where I'm from, French Canadians, French people are human garbage. 1.00
00:46:58.000 In fact, we call them Pepsis. 1.00
00:46:59.000 Peppers.
00:47:00.000 Because Pepsi's cheaper than Coke.
00:47:02.000 And they're poor, so they always have Pepsi.
00:47:05.000 So, we just call them Peppers and Pepsis. 0.99
00:47:07.000 So this fuckin' Pepsi is standing there and he goes, Hey, hey, hey! 0.99
00:47:11.000 Calm down! 0.99
00:47:12.000 Hey, uh, how do you know it's me, la? 0.99
00:47:15.000 And I go, I know it's fuckin' you! 0.99
00:47:17.000 You were just in there! 0.99
00:47:20.000 And, uh, and he goes, it could have been someone else. 1.00
00:47:24.000 And I go, oh, fuck off with your lies. 1.00
00:47:26.000 And then I said. 1.00
00:47:28.000 It's funny I remember this, because this was probably when I was 22.
00:47:31.000 And I'm 47.
00:47:34.000 And I said, what are you, four years old?
00:47:37.000 What are you, a baby?
00:47:39.000 You don't know how to go pee-pee? 1.00
00:47:40.000 You don't know how to fucking piss? 1.00
00:47:43.000 And he goes, hey, look, you're mad? 1.00
00:47:46.000 Are you mad?
00:47:47.000 You want to go?
00:47:48.000 Is that what's going on?
00:47:49.000 No, he said, you got a problem?
00:47:51.000 Hey, you got a problem?
00:47:53.000 And I did have a problem. 0.99
00:47:54.000 I had just washed this man's urine off my butt cheeks. 0.98
00:47:58.000 So yeah, that's the dictionary definition of a problem. 0.98
00:48:01.000 Wiping a stranger's urine off your legs is considered a problem. 1.00
00:48:07.000 And I said, yeah, I got a fucking problem! 1.00
00:48:10.000 And then he was bluffing. 1.00
00:48:12.000 He was tall, by the way.
00:48:13.000 The guy was like 6'2".
00:48:15.000 He was bluffing, hoping I would say, well, I technically don't have a problem, but I'm just kind of annoyed you peed on me. 0.99
00:48:21.000 And I go, yeah, I got a fucking problem! 0.98
00:48:24.000 And he says, uh, then he comes back with, well, don't take it out on me! 0.99
00:48:29.000 Isn't that a funny retort?
00:48:35.000 Um, and then he marched off and sat with his parents. 1.00
00:48:40.000 And I remember thinking when I was sitting on his piss, I remember thinking, I'm going to go into that cafe and I don't care if that guy's with his mother, with his children, with his family, I am going to open up on this dude and scream at him for pissing on my ass. 0.98
00:48:55.000 Anyway, WeThePeopleHolsters.com, use the passcode GAVIN to get in. 0.99
00:49:06.000 It's funny, this sponsor, which does these molded holsters that are custom made, they can do any picture you want on them, any graphic, and it's sort of a hard holster.
00:49:18.000 I don't know.
00:49:34.000 Um, but We The People Holsters has inspired me to get my, uh, try again for my concealed carry permit.
00:49:41.000 Because I'm sick of walking around nude with a long rifle.
00:49:46.000 And I went through this class the other day. 0.99
00:49:50.000 Motherfucking hours for We The People holsters. 0.99
00:49:54.000 No, not for them, but inspired by them, but for my gun. 0.99
00:49:58.000 And I sat through this class for five hours.
00:50:01.000 It's an hour of information spread into five hours.
00:50:04.000 And it is, I was saying to a guy that was also in the class, because we had to go feed the meter for our cars,
00:50:12.000 Um, I said to him, I would much rather make out with a homeless man for one minute than do this five hours.
00:50:18.000 Um, and I would do a good job.
00:50:20.000 I wouldn't just be like, ew, gross. 0.92
00:50:21.000 It would be passionate, like Casablanca, Brigitte Bardot on the beach, like a real beautiful French kissing session that would make you horny. 0.93
00:50:32.000 That's how good it would be. 0.97
00:50:33.000 And with his bad breath and his herpetic sores, no problem.
00:50:40.000 Here's an example of how torturous this seminar was.
00:50:43.000 He's talking about squibs.
00:50:44.000 And a squib is when you shoot the gun and the bullet doesn't make it out of the barrel.
00:50:49.000 It only goes three quarters of the way.
00:50:51.000 And that can be because it's a defective bullet and there's not enough, say, black powder.
00:50:55.000 There's not enough powder in there.
00:50:58.000 So you started a thing and it wasn't enough to send it out.
00:51:01.000 Or there's no powder in there at all.
00:51:04.000 And the only reason it's halfway down the chamber is because the hammer hit it an inch forward.
00:51:08.000 Okay.
00:51:09.000 It happens.
00:51:10.000 Very rare, but it happens.
00:51:11.000 Now, some people in the gun community just go, well, just shoot another bullet and then that'll knock the first one out.
00:51:18.000 And he says, please don't do that.
00:51:19.000 It's dangerous.
00:51:20.000 It can cause the barrel to expand, like causing a little mini explosion in there.
00:51:25.000 Okay, gotcha.
00:51:26.000 I won't do that.
00:51:27.000 I'll call the range officer over and say, excuse me, there's a squib in my barrel.
00:51:31.000 There's a squib in my barrel, dear Liza, dear Liza, there's a squib in my barrel, dear Liza, a squib.
00:51:40.000 Then he would do this thing where he'd start delivering analogies for something we all totally crystal clearly understand.
00:51:50.000 Analogies are for weird situations involving astrophysics or relationships or the paranormal.
00:51:59.000 And you use an analogy, like a stitch in time saves nine, in order to ground the person with something they're familiar with.
00:52:08.000 That's the origin of analogies. 0.96
00:52:10.000 I don't need a fucking analogy for something I already understand. 0.95
00:52:14.000 Nor does this entire class who's sitting here from 4 to 9 p.m. 0.99
00:52:19.000 And he says, let me just, it's sort of like a snake.
00:52:22.000 Snake goes through the chicken wire into the hen house and he eats a chick.
00:52:27.000 This is all part of my WeThePeopleHolsters.com podcast reading.
00:52:33.000 Uh, he eats a chick, and then he goes to get out again, and he can't get through the chicken wire because he's swollen in the middle of where the chick is.
00:52:41.000 And I didn't want to say this, because I don't want to rock the boat, because I want to keep us rolling, but I felt like saying, mmm, that's not even close to what we're talking about.
00:52:50.000 We're talking about a chick already in the snake, and then you taking another chick and forcing it up the snake's ass so hard that the chicks hit each other and explode. 0.93
00:53:03.000 And then the snake has this big engorged midsection and it's dead. 0.91
00:53:09.000 That's the analogy.
00:53:12.000 My gun didn't eat a bullet and get fat. 1.00
00:53:14.000 The fuck are you talking about? 1.00
00:53:17.000 Of course he was a teacher. 1.00
00:53:19.000 And we know how teachers are so used to thinking that with no checks and balances that they have a lot to offer.
00:53:26.000 Anyway, WeThePeopleHolsters.com.
00:53:30.000 Gavin gives you a $10 rebate.
00:53:33.000 I think their holsters go for about $34, so that's you down to $24.
00:53:36.000 You can get whatever you want.
00:53:39.000 Please tune in to CRTV tonight, where I am fighting a man, an African American gentleman who knocks me out. 1.00
00:53:47.000 While defending the whole concept of violence and hatred, I'll also have a Hispanic gentleman who's running for mayor in his tiny town, and he is anti-immigration.
00:53:59.000 He's going to make the Hispanic immigrant argument against open borders. 0.93
00:54:04.000 We also have Ashton Witte on the show, who is a conservative from Berkeley that's been totally ostracized by her entire family for daring to love Trump.
00:54:15.000 And I think what we'll do is we'll do the show, and then I'll do this after-hours interview with her about her family ostracizing her, because I'm fascinated by it.
00:54:23.000 Because, like, I understand being ostracized for being a heroin addict, or even a prostitute, but for liking the President of the United States, your dad doesn't love you anymore?
00:54:33.000 I find that fascinating.
00:54:35.000 So we'll probably, we'll make that an after-hours, and that'll probably come out later on in the week, maybe Monday or Tuesday.
00:54:41.000 And, um, I should also tell you that, uh, I'm gay.