Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - July 06, 2018


Get Off My Lawn Podcast #64 | I had farts last night that could have ended my marriage

Topics
farts farting around wife farts
Hosted by
Gavin McInnes
Mentioned
Glasgow Kurt Schilling Wolf Doc Martens Krista Sanregret McInnes Dave Rodney Dangerfield George Washington Stephanie Chabot Stephanie Hamill Charlie Chaplin Bucky Zenderson Compound Media Richard Scarry Bhut Jolokia Bruce Willis George Brett Eddie Scarry John Sarno and 13 more
Ep 151 | Bombs Away | Get Off My Lawn Ep 152 | The Lost Boys | Get Off My Lawn

Episode Stats


Length

43 minutes

Words per minute

169.03

Word count

7,364

Sentence count

678

Harmful content

Misogyny

30

sentences flagged

Toxicity

174

sentences flagged

Hate speech

34

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Farting in a car, in a taxi, in the shower, and in the dark. Also farting in the bathtub, in bed, and farting on the floor of your bathroom. Also, farting while you re sleeping. And farting when you re in your car with a driver who smells your farts. And farts while you're in a cab. And a fart in your bathroom with a taxi driver who stumbles upon your farting. And more farts in your bathtub. And some other things you should know about farting, but you probably don t want to know. This episode was written and produced by John Rocha. It was edited by Annie-Rose Strasser and edited by Patrick Muldowney. The opinions expressed in this episode are our own, not those of our companies, unless otherwise specified. We do not own the rights to any of the music used in this podcast. All credit given to artists and labels used in the episode goes to their respective record labels. If you like the music, please leave us a rating and review on Apple Podcasts. or wherever else you get your music, and we'll be sure to make sure to include it in the next episode of the podcast. Thank you for listening and reviewing the podcast in the future episodes. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Music by Ian Dorsch. Artwork by Jeff Perla. This podcast was produced and produced in part 2nd half of this episode was done in collaboration with the excellent music by the excellent band, The Good Lady Project. . and the Bad Girl, Bad Girl and the Good Girl, Good Boy, Bad Boy, Good Girl and The Good Girl. Thanks to my good friend, and the wonderful people at Bad Girl Bad Boy. and Bad Girl by the Good Lady, Bad Bad Boy and the good people at the Bad Backyard, and The Bad Back Yard. by The Good Ol Ol Backyard. - Thank you so much for all the support they did for this podcast, and all the love and support they've done for this project. , and so much more. Thank you to them for all their support and support and all their hard work and all of their support, and their support throughout the process, they're amazing work, and thanks to them're hard work, they deserve it. -- Thank you, they really are amazing.

Transcript

Transcripts from "Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 I had farts last night that could have ruined my marriage.
00:00:07.000 You have to understand, with marriage, it's not over as soon as she says, I do. 0.99
00:00:12.000 You can't just become a fat pig and start farting and walking around nude, although I walk around nude, which the kids don't seem to appreciate very much. 1.00
00:00:22.000 Fuck that. 1.00
00:00:23.000 It's my body. 1.00
00:00:23.000 I'm not ashamed of my body. 1.00
00:00:24.000 And I sleep nude.
00:00:25.000 I don't understand people who sleep in clothes. 1.00
00:00:28.000 Don't you want your butthole to breathe? 1.00
00:00:30.000 I gotta air out my sack. 1.00
00:00:32.000 The idea of constantly, like my wife, she goes, when she goes to bed it looks like she's going on an arctic expedition.
00:00:39.000 She has like ten layers on. 0.52
00:00:41.000 And people with, even pajamas, they're so hot!
00:00:45.000 I like nude as a jaybird, you crawl in there, you got fresh sheets, and you slither in there like a little snake.
00:00:54.000 Just had a shower.
00:00:56.000 Get in there with the fresh crispy sheets, a nice crisp duvet.
00:01:00.000 I adapted to the French ways when I lived in Quebec for 10 years.
00:01:04.000 And I like a duvet, nothing else.
00:01:05.000 I don't get sheets. 1.00
00:01:06.000 Sheets are stupid. 1.00
00:01:07.000 If you're cold, you put on the duvet. 1.00
00:01:09.000 If you're hot, you just take it off and just let those parts air. 0.99
00:01:13.000 Your anal lips need to breathe. 1.00
00:01:17.000 But sometimes they breathe toxic fumes, and that's what was going on last night. 0.97
00:01:21.000 The Scots, our stomachs are designed to eat a potato a week, maybe some roots.
00:01:28.000 And a broth.
00:01:30.000 The old way it was in Scotland, and this was how my stomach developed over centuries, was you'd have a fire in your little cave hut, wood thatch thing, and anytime anyone found something edible, which was very rare in Scotland, it's just moors and rocks, maybe a rabbit, and maybe a goat, maybe some thistles, and nothing else.
00:01:54.000 And rain.
00:01:56.000 So, you'd find something edible and you'd just throw it in the pot.
00:01:58.000 So that pot, that stew, would be going for your entire life.
00:02:03.000 And so, the thing I don't get about that is, wasn't there like a piece of meat bubbling down there that was there for like three years?
00:02:11.000 That was hard, maybe there was a ding in the pot and it was hard to get to with the ladle?
00:02:16.000 Oh, I just ate a piece of beef from the early 80s.
00:02:20.000 So what that developed was weak stomachs and then we come here to America where there's tons of Mexicans who can handle the most diarrhea-y water on earth and they have these iron stomachs and they like actually torturing themselves with spices and jalapenos and I kind of like it too because I'm an alcoholic and I'm used to poisoning myself with rotten corn called Maker's Mark or rotten rice called Budweiser. 1.00
00:02:45.000 Yeah, sorry guys.
00:02:46.000 I know there's wheat on the can, but it's rice beer.
00:02:48.000 You're drinking basically sake when you have Budweiser, and I love it.
00:02:53.000 So I like spicy food, but my body, it can't handle much more than salt and vinegar chips.
00:02:59.000 So, as it struggles to digest the rotten corn and the jalapenos, smells come out of there that are so bad,
00:03:09.000 They're interesting.
00:03:11.000 I once farted in a taxi with my wife and a driver.
00:03:14.000 Obviously with a driver.
00:03:16.000 We were just coasting.
00:03:19.000 Actually, he probably did want to get out when he smelled my fart.
00:03:21.000 But I had a fart so bad in a taxi once, my wife said to the driver, I'm not lying, she said, do you smell that?
00:03:30.000 And he said, yes, we are in an industrial area and there are many factories around here.
00:03:36.000 They do much manufacturing.
00:03:39.000 Could be plastics.
00:03:40.000 Like, it was so bad that it didn't occur to either of them that a human had made that smell.
00:03:48.000 They assumed it was several million dollars of machinery and chemicals and mining and processes like melting plastic and oils and carcinogens that you need a gas mask to go near. 0.99
00:04:05.000 They assumed that I had industrial waste in my ass. 0.99
00:04:10.000 That's not the first time too I've confused people with my farts. 0.99
00:04:13.000 I was about, uh, I think I was about 19 and I had just been to Europe on like a punk rock squatting tour, staying at squats and stuff for months and months.
00:04:25.000 And I came back and I had to go tree planting up in Northern Canada the next day.
00:04:29.000 And I hadn't seen my girlfriend who I lived with.
00:04:31.000 We were very close, but she had to leave early.
00:04:33.000 She was in Europe for a while.
00:04:35.000 Um, and I really wanted to see her to bang her before I had to go away for another two months. 1.00
00:04:40.000 And I only had one day with her.
00:04:43.000 She cried when this happened, by the way.
00:04:45.000 Stephanie Chabot.
00:04:46.000 She's an artist now.
00:04:49.000 And my mom's friend, who was living in London, I stayed at her house the last night on my way back, showered, and finally got to eat food and stuff.
00:04:59.000 And she said,
00:05:01.000 Oh, I'll drive you.
00:05:02.000 I'll drive you to the airport.
00:05:03.000 Well, I'll drive you to the train, and you get to the airport.
00:05:05.000 And I'm a little kid.
00:05:06.000 I don't realize that to take the subway to Heathrow, give yourself like three hours, basically.
00:05:12.000 At least.
00:05:13.000 I gave myself no time, and so did this woman. 0.99
00:05:16.000 Moira was her name.
00:05:18.000 And, uh, she dropped me off there and I, you know, you realize as you see the stops and how long it takes you to go from stop to stop.
00:05:24.000 Well, that was four minutes.
00:05:26.000 My flight's in an hour.
00:05:29.000 I'm supposed to be there at least an hour early.
00:05:31.000 This is not looking good for Gav.
00:05:33.000 And Scotsmen, when we get nervous, we fart. 1.00
00:05:36.000 If you ever try to fight me or you break into my house, I think before my gun blows your head off, you will die of toxic fumes. 0.99
00:05:44.000 Because adrenaline, it gets my heart pounding and I start farting terrible, acidic, acrid toots. 0.94
00:05:51.000 Actually, acrid toots are playing at Mercury Lounge on Thursday if you guys want to go.
00:05:54.000 I know the bassist.
00:05:56.000 So I'm sitting there and I'm sort of rocking back and forth.
00:05:59.000 I remember there was this Nazi skinhead named Wolf who had a rapier in his cane.
00:06:04.000 He's in my book.
00:06:05.000 But I remember this girl Krista Sanregret.
00:06:08.000 She was a part native and she was my ex-girlfriend. 0.99
00:06:12.000 She dumped me for a Nazi skinhead. 0.88
00:06:14.000 I know, weird. 0.86
00:06:15.000 And so she was hanging out with them and she called me once. 0.79
00:06:17.000 She ended up dating black dudes after this, maybe as penance. 0.92
00:06:20.000 But she called me and she goes, yeah, Wolf knows that you have Dr. Martens.
00:06:23.000 You weren't allowed to have Doc Marten boots.
00:06:25.000 That was a rule with the skinheads.
00:06:27.000 Wolf found out you have Doc Martens and he's gonna, don't wear them tonight to the MDC show or he's gonna beat you up and take them.
00:06:32.000 And I went, oh, okay.
00:06:33.000 Thanks, Krista.
00:06:35.000 Hung up the phone, went to my room, sat on my bed and just...
00:06:43.000 Like imagine an air conditioner pushing out mustard gas. 1.00
00:06:47.000 That was what my ass was doing. 1.00
00:06:49.000 I just, I, we had to throw the mattress out basically. 0.99
00:06:49.000 I just farted. 0.99
00:06:53.000 It was illegal.
00:06:55.000 It was a war crime. 0.92
00:06:56.000 It was a weapon of mass destruction. 0.99
00:06:59.000 And that was just knowing that a skinhead was going to kill me. 0.78
00:07:03.000 That's like 1986 I'm talking about.
00:07:05.000 That's how old I am.
00:07:06.000 So you, you people talk about Nazis all the time.
00:07:08.000 I've been fighting these people for a well over a quarter of a century.
00:07:13.000 Almost half a century at this point.
00:07:16.000 Any hizzle.
00:07:21.000 I'm sitting on the London train and I'm bobbing back and forth and I'm realizing it's not like, you know, international flights, especially back then in the 89, it's not like they went, oh, don't worry about it, dude.
00:07:32.000 We'll get you in the one in 10 minutes.
00:07:33.000 I knew it was going to have to be a 24 hour stay and I was missing and I'm not going to see my girlfriend. 1.00
00:07:37.000 Fuck, fuck, fuck. 1.00
00:07:38.000 Probably going to dump me. 1.00
00:07:40.000 And so I start letting out my classic farts. 0.99
00:07:42.000 And you know the ones that burn your anal lips when they come out? 1.00
00:07:45.000 Like you almost want to sit on some ice to have them. 0.99
00:07:48.000 They're just lava when they come out.
00:07:50.000 So this was a lava toot.
00:07:52.000 And I felt it burning my lips on the way out.
00:07:56.000 And it stank up the whole car. 0.99
00:07:58.000 I didn't give a shit about these people. 1.00
00:07:59.000 They can all fucking die. 1.00
00:08:01.000 I'm missing my plane. 1.00
00:08:02.000 There's no shame now.
00:08:03.000 I'm not like, oops, sorry!
00:08:04.000 My stomach's upset! 0.99
00:08:07.000 Uh, so I'm letting out this gas and this couple comes on and they go, oh my fucking god! 0.99
00:08:13.000 Do you smell that? 0.98
00:08:15.000 And instead of them looking at me and going, uh, are you alright mate?
00:08:19.000 What are you doing?
00:08:22.000 I, um, I'm just sitting there staring at the ground.
00:08:24.000 And then, just like my wife and the taxi cab driver, they start conjecturing.
00:08:31.000 I don't know.
00:08:48.000 In the actual mechanics of the actual car.
00:08:50.000 And then they die in there.
00:08:51.000 They get electrocuted or something.
00:08:53.000 And then the rat meat, it rots, right?
00:08:56.000 So what you're smelling is a decomposing rat.
00:09:01.000 And she's like, oh my god, that's disgusting. 1.00
00:09:04.000 And they're both, yeah, no, it's horrible. 0.99
00:09:06.000 And I'm like, no, that decomposing rat is my bowels. 0.87
00:09:11.000 You're smelling my... I feel like my wife could sue me. 1.00
00:09:14.000 I mean, say you married someone, and they seemed nice, and then you found out that they were, you know, the head of the American Nazi Party, or they were a pedophile, or they put kittens in microwaves to get off.
00:09:26.000 Couldn't you have a case where you go, this was fraud?
00:09:30.000 I married you under false pretenses. 1.00
00:09:33.000 I feel like my wife could say, I married you under the understanding that you didn't have a dead rat factory in your asshole. 1.00
00:09:41.000 And you do. 1.00
00:09:43.000 I'm suing you.
00:09:45.000 I don't want to give her any ideas.
00:09:46.000 It's gonna be embarrassing in court when she files for divorce and a huge part of the trial is my toots.
00:09:52.000 Alright, let's bring it to the next subject.
00:09:55.000 Mr. McInnes's unfathomable toots we have here.
00:10:00.000 There's probably a scientific way you can gauge smells. 0.63
00:10:02.000 This is the average flatulence.
00:10:04.000 This is Mr. McInnes's.
00:10:05.000 You can see from the green line here that it is 17 times more deadly.
00:10:11.000 You know, like they have with hot peppers.
00:10:14.000 The, uh, Bhut Jolokia pepper has whatever it is, like 17 kilobytes.
00:10:18.000 I forget the exact term, but, uh.
00:10:22.000 I have a lot of kilobytes.
00:10:23.000 I remember the only time someone caught me was I was going to see Stiff Little Fingers in Scotland, and I had an extra ticket.
00:10:33.000 And the guy, my cousin, didn't show up.
00:10:34.000 This is in Glasgow.
00:10:36.000 Lots of Nazi skinheads, by the way, came to that show.
00:10:38.000 This is again in the late 80s.
00:10:41.000 And I remember thinking, I never see these skinheads or punks in Glasgow, and here they all are.
00:10:48.000 Anyway,
00:10:50.000 I was naive.
00:10:50.000 I must have been 16 years old at this point.
00:10:52.000 And, um, I had an umbrella under my arm.
00:10:56.000 Now, those of you familiar with Scotland and Glasgow are aware of what a Klansman uniform, an umbrella is.
00:11:04.000 David Paho from the band Tortoise, he was walking around Glasgow once.
00:11:08.000 He told me about this when they were on tour and, uh, he was raining out.
00:11:13.000 So he said to his host, do you have any rain gear?
00:11:15.000 And they sort of went,
00:11:16.000 All right.
00:11:17.000 That's unusual, but I think I might have some from camping days.
00:11:20.000 So they find him a yellow raincoat with a little yellow rain hat, you know, the little hat with the part on the back that makes the rain not go down your neck.
00:11:29.000 And he heads out on his merry way with his little rain suit.
00:11:32.000 And he notices that like Bruce Willis in Die Hard, when he has to wear a billboard that says the N word on it or something, uh, people are like coming out of bars and staring at him and they're punching their fists.
00:11:47.000 They're punching their open hand.
00:11:49.000 And he's sort of looking behind him for the dead baby on his back, or he doesn't understand why everyone is sneering at him.
00:11:58.000 And he eventually realizes, oh, it's my rain gear.
00:12:02.000 You see in Glasgow, wearing a raincoat or a rain hat or an umbrella, despite the fact that it pours every single day, or maybe because it pours every single day is the worst thing you could do.
00:12:14.000 Literally worse than a Klansman uniform. 0.95
00:12:15.000 If you wore a Klansman uniform in Glasgow, people would think you're funny and go, you got some balls, mate. 1.00
00:12:21.000 That's ridiculous. 1.00
00:12:22.000 Where'd you get that? 0.98
00:12:23.000 But wearing an umbrella.
00:12:26.000 I mean, it's unthinkable.
00:12:27.000 And so Pajo eventually goes to a gas station.
00:12:31.000 He goes, uh, can I use your phone?
00:12:34.000 And the guy goes, no.
00:12:36.000 One, one, uh, common refrain, the most gentle it gets in Glasgow is they go, it's just water.
00:12:41.000 It's just water.
00:12:43.000 So the guy goes, no, absolutely not.
00:12:45.000 So he takes off his rain hat and his raincoat and he crumples them up and he puts them in the garbage.
00:12:50.000 of course.
00:13:06.000 I'm like, I have a ticket for sale.
00:13:08.000 No, I didn't say that.
00:13:09.000 I never use my American accent in Scotland.
00:13:11.000 Oh, where do you fee?
00:13:13.000 Oh, aye.
00:13:14.000 They all say the same thing, too.
00:13:15.000 It's so pedantic.
00:13:17.000 They go, oh, see my cousin?
00:13:19.000 He was down in Times Square a couple years ago. 1.00
00:13:24.000 Uh, I don't give a fuck, dude. 0.98
00:13:26.000 Why would I care that you're related to someone that went to one of the biggest tourist attractions? 0.99
00:13:31.000 Oh, really?
00:13:33.000 What's his name?
00:13:34.000 Did he like it?
00:13:35.000 Did he enjoy New York, by the way?
00:13:39.000 Oh, you're from New York?
00:13:41.000 I got a cousin in Ohio.
00:13:43.000 That's nice.
00:13:44.000 I don't care if he lives or dies.
00:13:48.000 So I always do a Scottish accent there, just to grease the wheels.
00:13:52.000 And I go, uh, and I get surrounded by 12-year-olds, 13-year-olds, like, honestly, about 15 of them, like a little roaming pack of pickpocketers, a bunch of miscreants, a bunch of ne'er-do-well orphans, newsies, if you will.
00:14:14.000 So they surround me and go,
00:14:17.000 And I go, all right, it's 13 pound.
00:14:20.000 And I bought it for like 15.
00:14:21.000 And they go, how about 10 pound?
00:14:24.000 And I go, you know what?
00:14:27.000 This is not going to work.
00:14:28.000 I'd rather just not pay.
00:14:29.000 I don't want to get ripped off.
00:14:30.000 I can't remember why I was negotiating so hard, by the way, because it was an extra ticket, so you'd think I'd just give it up.
00:14:37.000 I'm forgetting those details.
00:14:39.000 And I go, if you said £12.99, I'd say no. 0.96
00:14:44.000 Because I'm a cheap ass, I guess, is the answer to the question. 0.99
00:14:46.000 And Scottish people are cheap too, so we're not fun to negotiate. 1.00
00:14:49.000 I had a Hasidic Jew as a landlord once and he reckoned himself a tightwad and we went toe to toe and he was stunned at what an incredible cheapskate I am and how I was willing to go to court for $3.
00:15:03.000 I remember him making an audible gasp as I sat there for another four hours of my time, which is worth, you know, a good 400 bucks to argue about $3.
00:15:13.000 I ended up in a fight with him once where I ripped his windshield wipers off his car because he wouldn't return my security deposit after I discovered that his building was falling apart.
00:15:23.000 I was on the street screaming, I want my money, gold!
00:15:26.000 His name was Moshi Gold.
00:15:27.000 He was a, uh, blinds baron.
00:15:31.000 You know like blinds in office buildings?
00:15:33.000 He handles all those for New York City.
00:15:35.000 And he's very rich and he got into real estate and he didn't know what he was doing.
00:15:38.000 Anyway, sorry!
00:15:41.000 Kind of respect him in a weird way.
00:15:44.000 So I said to these kids, I go, £12.99.
00:15:47.000 And he goes, all right, all right, 12 quid.
00:15:51.000 And I go, no, 13 quid.
00:15:53.000 And he goes, he goes, see, he gives me 15.
00:15:58.000 And then I give him two. 0.99
00:15:59.000 And then he goes, he goes, and one more for that fucking umbrella under your atom. 0.99
00:16:06.000 And then they all got these like, eyes. 0.99
00:16:11.000 Like a wolf pack that was about to kill.
00:16:13.000 All their eyes got bigger and I realized, I'm about to have my face clawed off.
00:16:18.000 So I did give him an extra pound.
00:16:20.000 So now he got the ticket for 12 pounds.
00:16:22.000 And it was because of that umbrella.
00:16:24.000 I didn't realize I was carrying this FU to Glasgow.
00:16:29.000 I went into the show, watched the skinheads with trepidation and watched the show.
00:16:34.000 They were good.
00:16:36.000 But anyway, sorry, all that adrenaline and about to be murdered by a gang of children got my heart pounding. 0.78
00:16:42.000 And as I'm walking into the clubs, surrounded by Nazi skinheads and kids who almost killed me, and I got the old bowels a-churning, and I had a fart in the crowd. 0.57
00:16:53.000 Now, usually that begets a conversation about industrial production or dead rats in subways, but not in Glasgow.
00:17:01.000 They're familiar with this.
00:17:02.000 And this one guy turns to me and he looks up at me and he goes, 1.00
00:17:05.000 Did you shit? 1.00
00:17:10.000 Caught red handed. 1.00
00:17:12.000 You got me.
00:17:12.000 I remember one time with my wife, I went to see the Stranglers at Glasgow University.
00:17:18.000 I think there's two Stranglers now.
00:17:18.000 Awesome band.
00:17:20.000 There's one that's the Stranglers that's the whole band, but without the main guy, the keyboard singer.
00:17:25.000 And then there's the keyboard singer who's got another band and it's like Stranglers one, Stranglers two.
00:17:28.000 The English beat do that too.
00:17:30.000 But they're considered punk despite being having a lot of pop hits and There was this big fat guy in front of me in the lineup not uncommon in Glasgow now that they have fried chicken not uncommon in Britain now that they have fried chicken and I
00:17:46.000 They're giving us Glasgow's violence.
00:17:48.000 They obviously can't give you anything glass or it'll end up in someone's eye socket.
00:17:53.000 So they give us these plastic cups, but the plastic cups aren't the good quality red solo cup.
00:17:57.000 They're these flimsy, almost like a condom where you just touch it and it, it bends in your hand.
00:18:04.000 So if it almost like when you go to pick it up, you, you have to, it's like a sock that plastic is so thin and you touch it and it spills over the edges.
00:18:12.000 You have to be very delicate, sort of hold it at the rim and drink it like a wine glass.
00:18:17.000 So you can only order one at a time.
00:18:19.000 And this guy's like, six pints, please.
00:18:21.000 Six pints of Tennant's Lager, if you will.
00:18:24.000 No, it wasn't a Tennant's.
00:18:25.000 Tennant's a woman's pint. 0.99
00:18:27.000 Six pints of McEwen's Lager.
00:18:29.000 Okay.
00:18:30.000 So he orders six pints of these condom glasses.
00:18:34.000 These thin, thin, thin plastic glasses. 0.99
00:18:37.000 And I'm thinking, how the fuck are you going to carry them? 0.99
00:18:39.000 The sheer... 0.98
00:18:42.000 Physics of it, like to hold the edges of these six, three on each side, to hold them up is going to make them spill.
00:18:50.000 I mean, they're thinner than eggshells.
00:18:52.000 So he does this amazing trick where as, you know, she's finishing them, he pounds two down.
00:18:59.000 Now it's four.
00:19:01.000 Then he dips his fingers down onto the rims.
00:19:05.000 Like imagine if a goose was to pick it up with his beak, he pinches both things down and then
00:19:12.000 He takes a third finger and he separates them, so he now has three, using three fingers pinching down, and one, and he walks away, and then he chugs his third, and then he keeps watching, walking, he chugs his fourth, and now he has one in each hand.
00:19:26.000 That's easy. 0.99
00:19:27.000 And I keep an eye on him, because by the time I'm done my order, which by the way, call me a pussy, but it was only one pint for me, one pint for my wife, by the time he's done his order, he's, I'm done my order, sorry, he's already walked away, and he's sort of strutting now, big fat Glaswegian pig, 0.99
00:19:42.000 And he said, I don't know why this sticks with me and I've never forgotten it. 1.00
00:19:45.000 He finishes the last one, squeezes it, crumples it, throws it away, and he goes, SEX PISTOLS! 0.99
00:19:52.000 WE DON'T CARE! 0.99
00:19:56.000 He was like my age.
00:19:58.000 He was 40.
00:19:59.000 I was 40 at the time.
00:20:00.000 Or maybe I was younger.
00:20:01.000 30-something.
00:20:02.000 And he wasn't punk.
00:20:03.000 He was an old man, right? 0.97
00:20:04.000 He was bald.
00:20:05.000 Black t-shirt on, black pants, black shoes. 1.00
00:20:08.000 SEX PISTOLS! 1.00
00:20:10.000 WE DON'T CARE!
00:20:11.000 Anyway.
00:20:14.000 I have learned that a good secret to marriage is to have separate bathrooms. 1.00
00:20:19.000 Every time you fart around your wife, a blowjob loses its wings. 1.00
00:20:27.000 And if she's asleep, it's safe, right? 1.00
00:20:30.000 You can let some go, but don't make them loud. 0.99
00:20:31.000 Sometimes I find it's prudent to reach down between your butt cheeks, get your fingers right on your anal lips. 1.00
00:20:39.000 Like say they were human lips where you'd get herpes right on the edge. 0.99
00:20:43.000 Put your fingers there, your fingernails, then open up your anus as much as you can until it looks like a baby yawning, right? 0.99
00:20:52.000 And then your fart will just come out. 0.99
00:20:58.000 And that's not going to wake her up, what the gas is.
00:21:01.000 And that's the beauty of a duvet. 0.97
00:21:03.000 You just hold it down and you think the fart particles will just be absorbed and eventually it'll just die of its own suffocation around my butt in the duvet. 0.87
00:21:15.000 But if she ever is like, and sort of moves, that opens up the gas chambers. 0.97
00:21:23.000 No offense. 0.99
00:21:25.000 And all of a sudden you have air traveling from your butt right up by her face. 0.99
00:21:29.000 And then she's like, Oh my God. 0.99
00:21:31.000 And last night my farts were so intense.
00:21:34.000 I was genuinely concerned that the actual smell would wake her up.
00:21:39.000 Right?
00:21:40.000 I mean, that's possible. 0.99
00:21:41.000 If you were to punch a skunk in the face right next to your wife, it would wake her up. 1.00
00:21:47.000 And we didn't have the duvet. 0.78
00:21:48.000 She's given up on the duvet.
00:21:49.000 She doesn't get my rationale.
00:21:50.000 So now we have a sheet because it's summer, right?
00:21:52.000 A sheet and a thin blanket, which I hate.
00:21:54.000 But, uh...
00:21:55.000 The more you move around, the more this stuff travels and it can make it there.
00:21:59.000 So I'm just sitting there with these farts that are... I know you're like, yeah, whatever, Gav.
00:22:03.000 I'm sure you have some stinky farts. 0.99
00:22:04.000 No, no. 0.99
00:22:05.000 I've given you examples.
00:22:06.000 They are inhumanly bad.
00:22:09.000 One time my dad, and they come from my father, by the way. 0.85
00:22:12.000 I have my father's farts.
00:22:14.000 My dad, in his place in Ottawa, the bathroom's right off the living room for some reason. 0.95
00:22:20.000 And he was in there having his torturous diarrhea.
00:22:23.000 And, uh, it starts coming out the bottom of the door and into the living room.
00:22:28.000 And he's had a bad stomach his whole life. 1.00
00:22:30.000 He likes fucking oysters and clams and shit, which is retarded when you have a weak stomach. 1.00
00:22:35.000 So he's always getting chronic diarrhea from his stupid shellfish. 1.00
00:22:39.000 Don't eat from the sea at all. 1.00
00:22:41.000 It's the- it's a toilet.
00:22:43.000 It's a fish toilet.
00:22:45.000 Don't eat any fish. 1.00
00:22:46.000 They're stupid and gross. 1.00
00:22:47.000 They're a genetic accident. 1.00
00:22:48.000 We have meat.
00:22:49.000 It's called cows. 0.89
00:22:50.000 I don't even like chicken.
00:22:52.000 Chicken to me- you know that cinnamon challenge?
00:22:54.000 Where you eat a tablespoon of cinnamon and then you can't breathe?
00:22:57.000 I find that with chicken.
00:22:58.000 You chew on it, it turns into this like thick paste, then it gets stuck in your throat.
00:23:04.000 And you have to chug a beer to get the chicken down your gullet.
00:23:07.000 No thanks.
00:23:08.000 Shredded beef is where it's at.
00:23:11.000 Or steaks.
00:23:12.000 It's all good.
00:23:13.000 All cows are good.
00:23:16.000 But he's in there and he's dying, right?
00:23:17.000 Suffocating, and I've been there.
00:23:19.000 You know, just like your stomach, the bile that comes out, the stomach acid.
00:23:23.000 You could burn a hole through a plank of wood.
00:23:25.000 And, uh, I go, Jesus, Dad!
00:23:29.000 What is this, World War II?
00:23:31.000 And my mom's giggling, and I make some other jokes about terrible smells.
00:23:37.000 And, uh, I can hear him.
00:23:39.000 All of a sudden, he just snaps in from the bathroom. 1.00
00:23:41.000 I hear, OF A FUCK'S SAKE, SHUT YOUR MOUTH! 1.00
00:23:45.000 Because people don't like it when you scream, well not scream, but when you make jokes about their suffering. 1.00
00:23:50.000 It's like making fun of someone drowning.
00:23:52.000 They're very sensitive. 0.88
00:23:54.000 One time he was in Egypt, which is all just diarrhea. 1.00
00:23:57.000 By the way, if you go anywhere in the world, Central America, anywhere, bring a flask, procure whiskey, and every time you sip anything that's not alcoholic, I don't care if it's fucking milk, have a tiny swig 0.98
00:24:14.000 Of course. 0.93
00:24:35.000 Um, so he's in Egypt and of course he's chronic diarrhea and he goes, uh, I'm not feeling too well.
00:24:42.000 Guys, I'm going to be right back.
00:24:44.000 He goes to the bathroom.
00:24:46.000 The next day they're having breakfast and my dad shows up and sits down next to them and they go, what's going on, James?
00:24:56.000 You said I'll be right back.
00:24:57.000 We sat at the bar for the rest of the night.
00:24:59.000 You didn't show up.
00:25:00.000 You know, you could have told us you were going to bed.
00:25:02.000 And my dad said, I wasn't lying.
00:25:05.000 This is me right back the new.
00:25:09.000 He had spent the past nine hours in the toilet taking cat naps by leaning his forehead on the toilet paper roll and had just had explosive diarrhea from when he said, I'll be right back to the next day at breakfast.
00:25:27.000 That's the Scottish stomach in a nutshell.
00:25:33.000 I know you think we're going to end on that, but we're not.
00:25:36.000 Yeah, so you need to keep farts away from your wife. 1.00
00:25:38.000 You need to keep a separate bathroom. 1.00
00:25:40.000 Like, every time you destroy the bathroom and then your wife walks in there and smells it, that's like her just 0.00001% less attracted to you.
00:25:52.000 But those are cumulative.
00:25:56.000 Cumulative.
00:25:57.000 I always have trouble with that word.
00:25:59.000 And it adds up. 0.61
00:26:01.000 So have your diarrhea on your own time.
00:26:02.000 I have my own bathroom in my office. 0.53
00:26:05.000 By my library.
00:26:06.000 In my little reading nook.
00:26:08.000 And that place is set up, dude. 1.00
00:26:11.000 It is the shit zone. 1.00
00:26:13.000 I have a squatty potty in there. 1.00
00:26:15.000 Sometimes I'll take off my entire pants.
00:26:17.000 Because the problem with the next part I'm telling you is, uh, there can be some accidents with the jet.
00:26:23.000 Now, the second part, besides my squatty potty, which I highly recommend,
00:26:28.000 ...is a Biffy. 0.82
00:26:30.000 Go to B-I-F-F-Y dot com. 1.00
00:26:32.000 Free sponsorship.
00:26:33.000 Sorry, We The People holsters.
00:26:38.000 I'm ready for the read.
00:26:39.000 Sorry, WeThePeopleHolsters.com.
00:26:42.000 I am promoting- I'm having an affair.
00:26:44.000 Biffy.com. 0.99
00:26:45.000 They're 80 bucks, it connects to your tank, and what it does is it blasts freezing cold water on your butthole.
00:26:52.000 Which, I cannot recommend enough if you're an alcoholic, because, you know, you're- you're pooing out bile and- and that fluorescent yellow stuff, I don't even know what that is. 0.99
00:27:02.000 But it burns your anal lips as it comes out, and the next thing you know, your whole anus is distended like an elephant's trunk, just hanging out of your body like you're some sort of 42-year-old porn star. 0.97
00:27:13.000 And the freezing cold water, you can control the jet, too. 0.98
00:27:16.000 It can just be a little sprinkle, or it can be a fire hose.
00:27:19.000 Sometimes, if you relax enough, it can go right up in there, clean out everything.
00:27:24.000 Bring out some lettuce from the 1940s.
00:27:26.000 Sometimes if you really relax, you get to the baby yawning level, you can blast water up in there.
00:27:31.000 You look down the bowl and it looks like Jaws' stomach.
00:27:34.000 There's a license plate down there, a report card from kindergarten, some two pygmy shrews fighting over a beet.
00:27:45.000 Red hair, some gingers, barbershop floor stuff. 0.98
00:27:48.000 You don't even know what's going on there.
00:27:49.000 A twist tie, a security guard arguing with his friend, a binder full of women. 1.00
00:27:57.000 But the problem is sometimes the jet will refract.
00:27:59.000 It'll bounce off the anus and shoot out the gap between the lid, the seat, and the actual lid. 0.66
00:28:06.000 And that's like, that's gross water that, you know, could hit your sock. 0.79
00:28:11.000 But besides that,
00:28:13.000 It is a wonderful setup and mandatory, really, for Scottish people.
00:28:18.000 I hate traveling because I'm not with my Biffy and my Squatty Potty.
00:28:24.000 And I take care of everything in the morning, but your wife doesn't need to know that. 1.00
00:28:29.000 Your wife cannot smell your farts. 0.95
00:28:31.000 You need to keep trying. 0.98
00:28:32.000 That's sort of... I know this has been a super gross podcast, but the important part here is that you remember
00:28:40.000 That you're always courting your wife. 0.99
00:28:43.000 You should never shit when your wife's brushing your teeth or anything like that. 1.00
00:28:47.000 That's terrible. 1.00
00:28:47.000 And also, don't talk during sex. 1.00
00:28:50.000 Don't joke around during sex. 0.72
00:28:52.000 Don't even call it sex. 1.00
00:28:54.000 Like, don't ever say to your wife, Hey, you wanna fuck? 1.00
00:28:56.000 That's gross. 1.00
00:28:57.000 You're ruining the whole mystique.
00:28:59.000 You gotta keep the mystique alive.
00:29:01.000 Like, if you go out on a date with her, wear a collared shirt.
00:29:05.000 Always be courting her.
00:29:07.000 Always be trying.
00:29:08.000 And never tell her, I've said this a million times, but never show her your weaknesses.
00:29:13.000 Never say, I was so scared on that flight with the turbulence!
00:29:17.000 You can be scared with turbulence, that's perfectly natural, but while she's freaking out and squeezing your hands so hard it feels like she's gonna break your knuckles, you say to her, honey, calm down.
00:29:29.000 It's just, hold in your farts, by the way.
00:29:31.000 Calm down, it's a bus.
00:29:33.000 We're in the air.
00:29:34.000 Yes, it's a one prop plane, Cessna, going to the jungles of Costa Rica, but it's just a bus.
00:29:42.000 They do this flight thousands of times a year.
00:29:45.000 Meanwhile, you're thinking, and there's plenty of crashes with these things.
00:29:48.000 But you don't let that out.
00:29:50.000 And then later on, you can go have explosive diarrhea.
00:29:54.000 But don't let them know.
00:29:55.000 And I'll use this analogy again, just in case you're not familiar with it.
00:29:59.000 My father-in-law was leaving my house upstate and I designed it myself.
00:30:04.000 So there's some major flaws and one of them is the front porch doesn't get any sun.
00:30:08.000 It's all about the back porch.
00:30:10.000 So if snow melts on the front steps, the ice never thaws.
00:30:14.000 So you end up with inevitably these ice steps.
00:30:18.000 And so you slip on them.
00:30:20.000 And my father-in-law comes out and he slips really bad in a really comical way.
00:30:26.000 Leg up.
00:30:27.000 It looked like something out of a Charlie Chaplin movie.
00:30:31.000 Or who's the other guy who pioneered those films, silent films?
00:30:34.000 Bucky Zenderson?
00:30:35.000 Whatever the hell his name was.
00:30:38.000 And he said, he said, Dave, that's loud.
00:30:42.000 Dave, that's loud.
00:30:45.000 Um, and, uh, he fell.
00:30:48.000 He was fine.
00:30:49.000 And then he said, don't tell his wife and my, my wife.
00:30:53.000 Don't tell, uh, he said their names.
00:30:56.000 Um, I thought, that's weird.
00:30:58.000 And then I thought, yeah, you're right, dude. 0.93
00:31:03.000 There's no reason to tell your significant other when you were vulnerable and clownish.
00:31:11.000 And here's an analogy I extrapolated from that true story, and I follow religiously. 0.99
00:31:17.000 Say you're running down the street with a chocolate cake, and you trip, and your face goes in the cake, and you look fucking ridiculous, and you have to go get a new cake. 0.97
00:31:25.000 That's a funny story. 0.97
00:31:26.000 Tell your friends, tell your co-workers, do not tell your wife and or girlfriend.
00:31:35.000 Don't tell her that.
00:31:37.000 There's no reason.
00:31:39.000 Like, say you sharted?
00:31:42.000 That's a funny story.
00:31:43.000 Check out George Brett on YouTube. 0.91
00:31:45.000 He's got a great video, we showed it on the show, where he goes up to these guys, he doesn't realize he has a hot mic, and he's like, I shit my pants last night. 0.99
00:31:53.000 We went to the Bellagio, had these crab cakes, and I'm coming home, I got an early tea the next morning, and I'm just pinching my ass. 0.99
00:32:00.000 I think we got a problem here. 0.99
00:32:02.000 And I wait, and I wait, I let two lights go by at the traffic, and then I just, I think it's time to go, I take one step, just fucking water. 0.99
00:32:11.000 Water down my pants. 0.97
00:32:14.000 That's a great story, I'm not doing it justice.
00:32:16.000 But that's a funny story to tell your friends.
00:32:18.000 Don't tell your wife.
00:32:21.000 Your wife is... Women are not turned on by vulnerability.
00:32:26.000 Women are not turned on by sharting. 1.00
00:32:29.000 They're not turned on by you farting. 0.99
00:32:32.000 That's gross. 0.91
00:32:33.000 You're being human. 0.81
00:32:35.000 You don't want to be human.
00:32:36.000 You want to be a rock.
00:32:39.000 Your wife wants to know that her children are safe with you.
00:32:43.000 That's a cave thing. 0.91
00:32:45.000 Oh, we've moved on from then.
00:32:47.000 No, we haven't actually.
00:32:49.000 You know, if someone comes up to you at a restaurant and messes with you and you punch him in the face, your wife doesn't go, why are you so violent?
00:32:58.000 There was no need for that.
00:33:00.000 She's turned on.
00:33:01.000 I don't care what she says.
00:33:02.000 So I'm sort of saying two things here that are slightly different and I shouldn't
00:33:06.000 I shouldn't amalgamate them like that.
00:33:08.000 There's two separate things here.
00:33:09.000 One, don't be gross. 0.98
00:33:11.000 Farting around your wife is bad news. 1.00
00:33:14.000 You want to keep those farts to yourself. 0.99
00:33:15.000 Go to another room, maybe. 0.98
00:33:17.000 Fart. 1.00
00:33:17.000 If you're wearing pants, pat your butt. 1.00
00:33:20.000 Like you're saying, good boy. 1.00
00:33:23.000 Pat your butt because the air stays trapped in the space between your anus and your jeans. 0.99
00:33:28.000 And so you want to get that through the holes, the mesh, through the cotton twill. 0.99
00:33:33.000 So give your butt a few pats like, good boy, good boy. 0.96
00:33:35.000 And that'll sort of air it out. 0.99
00:33:37.000 Then give it a wait.
00:33:38.000 Then wave it out.
00:33:39.000 And then come back out.
00:33:43.000 I remember a stand-up comedian, I can't remember what his name is, but he said, uh, he said, I always get uncomfortable when I see people on first dates because I'm just staring at two people holding in their farts.
00:33:55.000 And that's kind of one of the good things too about, um, about, you know, men's clubs and being alone with the guys or being alone at all.
00:34:03.000 When you're just sitting alone, you have an unbelievable fart.
00:34:06.000 You're never grossed out.
00:34:07.000 You're just like, wow, that's interesting. 0.97
00:34:10.000 That's the most disgusting fart I've ever had. 0.94
00:34:11.000 I wonder if I'm sick. 0.96
00:34:13.000 I wonder if I have a parasite or something.
00:34:15.000 What did I eat that brought on that unbelievably terrible fart?
00:34:19.000 I've also noticed with dudes, like when you know them well, they develop the same thing.
00:34:25.000 Where they go, oh, hey man, that fart's really disgusting. 0.72
00:34:28.000 You usually have ones that bad?
00:34:30.000 Like you're not grossed out.
00:34:31.000 John Serino, over at Anthony Cumia's network, Compound Media.
00:34:36.000 I'd sometimes be working, almost touching shoulder to shoulder with him in the sound booth, working on stuff, editing or whatever.
00:34:43.000 And I'd have like a crippler. 1.00
00:34:46.000 One of those, I'm hungover and I had a large coffee things.
00:34:50.000 And I go, can you smell that?
00:34:52.000 How's that?
00:34:52.000 And he goes, that's really bad, dude.
00:34:54.000 Really, really bad.
00:34:54.000 That's probably the worst part I've ever smelled in my life.
00:34:57.000 But it was almost like, you know, I showed him a picture of someone who had their head chopped off.
00:35:01.000 Like, he didn't have any emotions. 0.93
00:35:03.000 He just goes, oh, that's really disgusting, dude.
00:35:04.000 I wish I hadn't seen that. 1.00
00:35:05.000 Holy shit. 0.99
00:35:06.000 You can see all the veins, and you can see part of his spine. 0.99
00:35:08.000 Yeah.
00:35:09.000 Don't ever show me anything like that again, please.
00:35:14.000 WeThePeopleHolsters.com is the sponsor for this show.
00:35:17.000 And if you go to WeThePeopleHolsters.com slash Gavin, listeners of Get Off My Lawn can use that code and get $10 off their first holster.
00:35:26.000 So that's $24.
00:35:26.000 And
00:35:29.000 Free shipping.
00:35:30.000 Now, these holsters are molded to your body. 1.00
00:35:33.000 Even after they're molded to the gun and your body, you can adjust the cant and the ride, which, as a person who doesn't have a concealed carry, I can only stare at with envy.
00:35:42.000 I hear it makes it much more comfortable to carry around. 0.98
00:35:45.000 God damn it, it must be awesome! 0.99
00:35:47.000 To walk around New York City armed. 0.99
00:35:49.000 You must just be thinking, bring it.
00:35:52.000 Bring it.
00:35:53.000 Please chase me out of the Red Hen restaurant.
00:35:58.000 Please yell at my family while I'm going to get a chicken burrito with my dad.
00:36:04.000 That must be fun. 0.91
00:36:05.000 And I'm not suggesting we kill people.
00:36:06.000 I'm just saying it must be nice to know that if there's a dangerous situation or a shooter or something, you're equipped.
00:36:14.000 I don't know.
00:36:32.000 Their quote that they told me to say, which I think inspires really not just the quality of the holster, but the kind of people that run this place.
00:36:44.000 Fellas, you have to conceal your carry with WeThePeopleHolsters.com.
00:36:49.000 They are customized in style and fit, including being able to adjust cant and ride.
00:36:53.000 Believe me, it makes for a tight so fit, you'll leave your wife.
00:36:59.000 And I think my wife will leave me if I don't get this farting under control.
00:37:08.000 The question is, not should you fart around your wife, the question is, is it ever possible to fart around your wife? 0.66
00:37:16.000 And I would say the answer to that is yes.
00:37:20.000 If she went to bed super early, like say 9.30, 10,
00:37:25.000 And you went to bed pretty late for a dad with three kids, so let's say one.
00:37:30.000 She's in deep REM's.
00:37:32.000 And as long as you don't have a... Ooh, what did I step on a duck?
00:37:36.000 Like Rodney Dangerfield in Caddyshack.
00:37:38.000 As long as you don't have like a big... One of those morning ones that shake the walls.
00:37:44.000 You ever notice in the morning too, you'll have to go pee really bad and then you'll have a huge fart and all of a sudden it made room.
00:37:50.000 And now you don't have to go pee so bad.
00:37:52.000 It's like your bladder moved into the fart sack.
00:37:58.000 As long as it's not a loud one, I think you can get away with it.
00:38:01.000 And especially if you have thick sheets and there's no moving around.
00:38:04.000 But the whole point of this podcast is to say that you can get to a level of toxicity where the smell alone will wake her up. 0.91
00:38:15.000 And that means you just lost all blowjob rights 0.84
00:38:20.000 For another week or two. 0.94
00:38:32.000 Go next door.
00:38:33.000 I'm in the kids bathroom by the way.
00:38:35.000 I don't use- my wife has a- we have a super fancy bathroom with like a steam shower and two sinks. 1.00
00:38:41.000 I leave that all to her.
00:38:42.000 She can have both sinks. 0.98
00:38:43.000 I don't want a sink in there. 0.53
00:38:45.000 I'm in the kids bathroom next door and I've been there so long that the kids are like used to smelling the bathroom when I'm in there.
00:38:52.000 They're- they don't like it.
00:38:54.000 And also, I've ran out of my toothpaste a long time ago and it's not the kind of thing you can possibly remember.
00:38:59.000 Oh yeah, I must procure new toothpaste.
00:39:01.000 It's never on my mind until I'm there.
00:39:03.000 So I just use their sugary Spongebob blue toothpaste with glitter on it and I've developed a taste for it now.
00:39:11.000 Now I prefer
00:39:13.000 SpongeBob to Crest.
00:39:16.000 I prefer that gross sugary taste that it has to encourage kids to brush their teeth.
00:39:22.000 I prefer that to good quality teeth whitening toothpaste.
00:39:29.000 Alright, you got it?
00:39:31.000 So I've told you when to fart, I've told you when it's safe to fart, and I've also told you when it's important not to fart.
00:39:37.000 I think these are all important life lessons.
00:39:40.000 Please check out Get Off My Lawn every day, Monday to Thursday.
00:39:44.000 This week there's only Monday, Tuesday, because we have CRTV tonight!
00:39:49.000 Now CRTV tonight is my super awesome fun show and I'm very excited to have Kurt Schilling on, the master pitcher.
00:40:03.000 I think he's definitely one of the top ten pitchers of all time.
00:40:08.000 The Top 15.
00:40:08.000 And I did two things with Kurt.
00:40:10.000 One, I talked about his life.
00:40:13.000 So Kurt Schelling used to work for ESPN, which is owned by Disney.
00:40:16.000 He got in big trouble for likening extremist terrorists to MS-13, I believe.
00:40:25.000 I can't remember.
00:40:26.000 But he basically pointed out that Islam has a serious problem with extremist terrorism, which is a fact. 1.00
00:40:32.000 He also got in trouble for posting on Facebook a picture of a tranny near a bathroom.
00:40:38.000 It looked like him in a wig, and it said, if you don't want this person to use the same bathroom as your little kid, your daughter, you're a bigot.
00:40:45.000 That's funny.
00:40:47.000 So that had him banned.
00:40:48.000 And what I thought was interesting about that is there's this show on ESPN called 30 for 30.
00:40:51.000 And, uh,
00:40:54.000 He was on it, and they were talking about some important pitcher.
00:40:57.000 Nothing to do with anything political.
00:40:59.000 They took him out of the documentary because of what he posted on Facebook about trannies.
00:41:06.000 Because somehow his sports career isn't relevant if he doesn't toe the line when it comes to transsexual behavior. 1.00
00:41:17.000 What?
00:41:19.000 He's an awesome guy, very conservative dude, right wing.
00:41:22.000 His tattoo on his forearm is of Jesus being crucified, and Jesus' hand has the puncture, his wrist has the puncture right where Kurt's wrist is.
00:41:32.000 So I did that talk with him.
00:41:33.000 I also did another show with him, an extra show we do called After Hours, where we just talked about baseball.
00:41:39.000 I think so.
00:41:58.000 It's a handsome young man on Twitter.
00:42:00.000 You see him. 1.00
00:42:00.000 The dude is a fucking giant. 1.00
00:42:04.000 He's like 250 pounds, six foot five. 1.00
00:42:07.000 I don't know.
00:42:07.000 He's almost as big as Curt Schilling.
00:42:09.000 Giant dude.
00:42:11.000 And super smart.
00:42:12.000 I'm definitely going to have him back on the show.
00:42:14.000 I have Stephanie Hamill from Daily Caller.
00:42:16.000 She's like a Latina conservative who is always getting in trouble from her fellow Latinos for supporting Trump and going to these immigration rallies and saying,
00:42:27.000 What's your scenario?
00:42:28.000 How should we handle immigration? 0.77
00:42:29.000 Of course, I never have an answer.
00:42:32.000 And then the Washington Examiner's Eddie Scarry, who is related to Richard Scarry.
00:42:38.000 And he is, uh, he's a funny dude, gay dude, who, um, strongly supports the right and family values and is also very hilarious and won't tell me what race he is because he's ethnically ambiguous.
00:42:53.000 Though I think it's got to be kind of a, one of those Hispanics look almost Asian and it throws you off. 1.00
00:42:58.000 I think he's Hispanic.
00:43:00.000 I think he's Irish and Mexican and German or something.
00:43:02.000 Anyway, that's boring.
00:43:04.000 So that's CRTV Tonight at CRTV.com on Friday, and the show, of course, Get Off My Lawn, is also on the same.
00:43:11.000 We have a fun July 4th ep.
00:43:13.000 The CRTV Tonight is a July 4th ep with a monologue about George Washington and beer that we'll probably put on YouTube, but the last episode of Get Off My Lawn, Tuesday's episode,
00:43:23.000 Which is a couple days ago, is also July 4th based, Independence Day, Independence Weekend based, and I think you'll enjoy it.
00:43:31.000 I like you more than a friend, and I'll see you on Monday.