Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - July 13, 2018


Get Off My Lawn Podcast #66 | You ever know anyone who sleepwalked?


Episode Stats

Length

46 minutes

Words per Minute

170.73293

Word Count

7,959

Sentence Count

720

Misogynist Sentences

28

Hate Speech Sentences

63


Summary

On this week's episode of Thick & Thin, the boys talk about sleep paralysis, sleepwalkers, and what it's like to be an immigrant in New York City. They also talk about how they learned to speak English, and the weird things they learned in school and how they're trying to learn to speak it now. Also, they talk about the new president, Donald Trump, and why they don't think he's a funny guy. And, of course, there's a story about a guy who thinks he's gay because he doesn't know the difference between a man and a woman. Don't miss it! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Art: Mackenzie Moore. Editor: Steven Kanter. Cover art by Dee McDonnell. The theme song is by Suneaters, courtesy of Lotuspool Records. Our ad music is by Haley Shaw. We are a production of Native Creative, a record label. Please rate, review, and subscribe to our podcast on Apple Podcasts, wherever you get your music, and tell us what you think of the music you're listening to on your favorite streaming platform. We'll be looking out for the next episode of Gimlet Media's newest album, "Goodbye Outer Space." Thank you for listening to Gimlet Music: The Good, the Bad, the Good, The Bad, The Weird, the Beautiful, The Beautiful, the Ugly, The Good and the Beautiful. by Mr. Good, and The Goodest, and Thank You, Thank You for Listening to Us. - The Good Morning America. Thank You're a Friend of the Good Morning, Good Morning! by our new album, we hope you'll Like It's Good, We'll See You, Good Day, Good Life, Good Night, Good Blessings, Good Love, Good Luck, Good Dreams, and Good Life. -- Thank You! -- by Squeaky! by the Good Life and Good Morning & Good Life! by Sadiq Khan. (featuring The Good Life & Good Morning and Good Luck! by The Good Thing, Good Thoughts, Good Relationships, Good Things, Good Rest, Good Talk, and So Much More! by Saje, and We'll Hear You, We're Thank You & Good Night & Good Love & Good Rest.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 You ever know anyone who sleepwalked?
00:00:04.000 How do you pronounce that?
00:00:05.000 Do you say, who sleepwalks?
00:00:07.000 But it's past tense.
00:00:09.000 Did you ever know a... This is the sort of thing where you have to abandon what you initially want to say and just say, did you ever know a sleepwalker?
00:00:18.000 You can't just... Now that sounds like some sort of zombie though.
00:00:21.000 Did you ever know someone who had a sleepwalking problem?
00:00:24.000 Did you ever know someone who sleepwalked?
00:00:26.000 I think...
00:00:28.000 I know, but it doesn't sound right.
00:00:30.000 English is not the most ornate language.
00:00:32.000 It's no Italian.
00:00:33.000 It's no French.
00:00:35.000 But it gets the job done.
00:00:36.000 I love it.
00:00:37.000 It's like a Swiss Army knife.
00:00:38.000 You know, I think the reason it's so good is...
00:00:41.000 That the Vikings were in, you know, Scotland, what's now Scotland, and there was no women there, and they were sitting around a big oak table, and they started stripping down English, which is Germanic, I believe, it comes from, has German roots, and they just cut out all the frills.
00:00:58.000 So no more masculine and feminine nouns, just words, and no more fancy umlauts and circumflex and accents, just like, that is my sword.
00:01:10.000 The end.
00:01:12.000 Apparently, according to Wikipedia, the most beautiful English gets is the term cellar doors.
00:01:19.000 Which doesn't really knock my socks off.
00:01:22.000 It's no chacun sans goût.
00:01:25.000 But outside of saying, did you ever know anyone who sleepwalked, I think it's pretty good.
00:01:31.000 And I get frustrated when immigrants can't speak it.
00:01:34.000 Every time I get a cab driver.
00:01:36.000 Yes, are you going to the place that is a store?
00:01:42.000 Oh, you must have been here for an hour and a half.
00:01:43.000 Well, welcome to America.
00:01:45.000 I look forward to learning our language.
00:01:47.000 When did you get here?
00:01:49.000 The thirty... Sometimes it's older than I am.
00:01:52.000 Like, I came here forty-eight years ago.
00:01:57.000 Like, so, uh, you've been speaking English longer than me.
00:02:02.000 Um, that's not good, dude.
00:02:06.000 Like, I moved to Quebec.
00:02:08.000 I learned French in like a year.
00:02:10.000 All you need is pussy.
00:02:12.000 If you're trying to lay a French girl, all of a sudden you care.
00:02:15.000 And I gotta say, I think there's something about English people, English speakers, maybe it's Westerners, I don't know what we are, but um, we're really eager.
00:02:23.000 I remember my, this guy was looking after my place in Costa Rica, Jason, this, this surfer.
00:02:27.000 I did a whole podcast on him, I believe.
00:02:29.000 Check the Costa Rica apps.
00:02:31.000 But I remember he was always like, is it esto marrearta or marrearta?
00:02:36.000 Like, really working on his accent, and trying to get it right, and asking about, you know, weird little sayings and things that only Spanish people get, or ticos as they're called in Costa Rica.
00:02:45.000 Uh, getting all the inside jokes right, and when you can say that, and when you say thanks, and when you say it's like 10 to 4, but you don't say it's 30 to 4, you say it's 3.30.
00:02:53.000 You know, all those little things?
00:02:55.000 He was trying to figure those out.
00:02:57.000 But the immigrants who come here now, they just sort of, for the most part, they have their little bubbles.
00:03:00.000 They live in the Indian area in Queens, or they live in the Polish part in Greenpoint, and they're not interested in assimilating.
00:03:08.000 And then in London, you got Sadiq Khan saying, don't bother assimilating.
00:03:10.000 It's gay.
00:03:12.000 I guess that's what Trump is.
00:03:15.000 That's what I don't get about the left.
00:03:17.000 I get that you don't agree with him, but don't you think he's funny?
00:03:31.000 Can't you enjoy that?
00:03:31.000 Especially comedians.
00:03:32.000 It's weird to see so many comedians mad at a funny guy.
00:03:35.000 Like when he said, uh, someone yells out, I love you!
00:03:38.000 And he goes, I love you too!
00:03:39.000 And then he puts his hand over his brow so he can see through the lights and he goes, wait a minute, that's a guy!
00:03:44.000 This is the President of the United States.
00:03:46.000 He goes, a guy just said that!
00:03:48.000 And he's pointing it at the crowd, looking at everyone else, basically saying, fag.
00:03:53.000 How can you not enjoy that?
00:03:54.000 I mean, with George W. Bush, he made malapropisms and misnomers, and it was embarrassing.
00:04:01.000 I remember, I was never a Bush fan, he's a neocon, but I remember they had that Bush speak, and it was this CD, this is back in CD days, and it was all the dumb things he said, and even though he was my enemy, I didn't enjoy it.
00:04:13.000 It was, ugh, I just felt bad.
00:04:16.000 It was like seeing an old man get beat up.
00:04:17.000 It wasn't fun.
00:04:19.000 But with Trump, I love everything.
00:04:20.000 Warts and all, the mistakes.
00:04:22.000 Oh God, it's the funnest presidency ever.
00:04:25.000 I don't see how the left can't see that.
00:04:27.000 But anyway, Jamie McCabe was this guy I used to go tree planting with.
00:04:32.000 and uh he was a sleepwalker again that sounds too zombie but um he goes so we would usually camp in tents in the cutover at the base but sometimes if we were lucky and we were transitioning and and uh
00:04:49.000 Or if you were a foreman and you were going to scout new land, you got to stay in a motel.
00:04:53.000 Bug free.
00:04:55.000 Snow free.
00:04:56.000 Rain free.
00:04:57.000 A motel seems so gross to me now that I'm rich, but back then a motel was fucking, you felt like Scarface.
00:05:05.000 Say hello to my little soap.
00:05:07.000 He'd have a big fucking shower.
00:05:09.000 Oh my god.
00:05:10.000 And you wouldn't- the main guy would get the bed, the boss.
00:05:12.000 So you'd have cots, but that cot was heaven on earth.
00:05:14.000 Anyway.
00:05:16.000 Yeah, this is when I think we were still tree planters.
00:05:18.000 I became a foreman later on.
00:05:21.000 And Jamie goes, Hey man, you should probably know that I have a serious problem with sleepwalking.
00:05:29.000 And I go, don't care.
00:05:31.000 Thanks very much for the news.
00:05:33.000 And he goes, okay, well, I'm glad you don't care.
00:05:35.000 I go, what are you going to punch me in the face when I'm sleeping?
00:05:37.000 He goes, no, no, I just wander around.
00:05:38.000 Sometimes I'm in a panic or something.
00:05:41.000 And he goes, the way you stop me is you say, um, you, you find a hole in my logic, for example.
00:05:51.000 And then he brought up the time that he ran into his brother's room and he said,
00:05:56.000 John!
00:05:56.000 John!
00:05:57.000 I'm being chased by a stampede of married women!
00:05:59.000 You gotta help me!
00:06:01.000 And John goes, alright, let's break this down.
00:06:05.000 How did these women meet?
00:06:06.000 This is before social media, now we're talking about the early 90s, late 80s.
00:06:10.000 How did these women meet?
00:06:12.000 Why do they want to chase you?
00:06:14.000 Are they attracted to you?
00:06:15.000 How do they know who you are?
00:06:15.000 Are you famous?
00:06:18.000 When did they first congregate and then decide, alright, let's go get Jamie?
00:06:24.000 And Jamie was asleep when his brother said this, and he went, hmm.
00:06:29.000 Yeah, that's a good point.
00:06:31.000 And he walked, he went back to his bed, and went back to sleep.
00:06:36.000 So I go, got it.
00:06:38.000 I'll try to find a hole in your logic, dude.
00:06:40.000 Like I give a shit.
00:06:42.000 And that night, so we're sleeping in the motel, and he comes over to my bed when I'm asleep, he wakes me up, hey man, hey, what?
00:06:50.000 Remember at sleepovers, when you're just falling asleep, and your friend goes, are you awake?
00:06:57.000 And you kind of are awake, and you're like, yeah.
00:07:02.000 And then he says something stupid, and you think, why did you wake me up for that?
00:07:06.000 And this was kind of like that.
00:07:07.000 He goes, hey man, hey, what?
00:07:11.000 Uh, and then he sits on the cot next to me, this kid Don.
00:07:15.000 So he's sitting on Don's cot, facing me.
00:07:17.000 He's woken me up and he goes, Look, I have two posters above my bed.
00:07:22.000 Okay?
00:07:24.000 Ahead of my bed, I have a Bobby Orr poster.
00:07:26.000 That's a famous hockey player.
00:07:28.000 And at the foot of my bed, I have a BMW logo poster.
00:07:31.000 It's the BMW.
00:07:32.000 I like BMWs.
00:07:33.000 And you can call my folks about that.
00:07:35.000 It's not a word of a lie.
00:07:36.000 Um, and there's nothing there that is untrue.
00:07:41.000 And I go, okay.
00:07:42.000 And then he gets up and he goes back to bed.
00:07:46.000 So the next day I go, wow, you really broke it down with those posters last night.
00:07:50.000 Good to know.
00:07:51.000 Good to know.
00:07:53.000 And I, he said, what?
00:07:54.000 And I told him what I just told you.
00:07:56.000 And he goes,
00:07:58.000 I don't have a particular affiliation for BMWs.
00:08:02.000 I like Bobby Orr.
00:08:03.000 I think he's a good skater.
00:08:04.000 But I do not have either of those posters.
00:08:06.000 I don't have posters in my room.
00:08:10.000 I'm 22.
00:08:12.000 I have like a couple framed things.
00:08:14.000 But I haven't put up a poster since I was 16.
00:08:18.000 And I go, holy shit.
00:08:20.000 So the sleepwalking you has a separate personality.
00:08:24.000 That's right.
00:08:48.000 Dammit!
00:08:50.000 He's trying to shut me out.
00:08:52.000 He's trying to shut me down.
00:08:53.000 So then, as he's going to sleep that night, Sleepwalking Emma's going, Oh yeah?
00:08:57.000 You want to play hardball?
00:08:59.000 I'll show you.
00:09:00.000 I'll show you hardball.
00:09:02.000 I'm going to say that you have posters and it's going to be so convincing that he won't find a hole in the logic.
00:09:08.000 And I'm going to bluff and tell him to call our parents because we both have the same parents, right?
00:09:17.000 Isn't that mental?
00:09:18.000 He has split personalities, I guess, in that sense.
00:09:21.000 I once met this girl who told me she had multiple personalities.
00:09:26.000 Now, when you get to this age, you look back at all these stories that you liked about all your life and the incredible stories, and you realize, wait a minute, that could have been bullshit.
00:09:35.000 Like my friend Derek was with on 9-11.
00:09:37.000 He, uh... His mom was in the towers, and I'm looking back now going, I think you were fucking lying, dude.
00:09:46.000 I don't think she was.
00:09:48.000 Anyway, um, so she's told me that she had multiple personalities and they were trying to kill her and she went to see a psychiatrist and the psychiatrist, uh, the other personalities found out about it.
00:10:03.000 Obviously you find out you're in the person's brain and they were pissed.
00:10:07.000 And so they wanted to kill her and she would wake up and there'd be notes saying, if you ever see him again, you're going to fucking die.
00:10:15.000 She also told me that she woke up once and her chest of drawers was on fire.
00:10:21.000 And one of the personalities had woken up and tried to burn her room down.
00:10:25.000 You know what?
00:10:26.000 This is all a lie.
00:10:28.000 I'm not lying, but I've cherished this story for many years.
00:10:32.000 I was blown away.
00:10:33.000 Whenever I'd be with her and it's someone else, I'd go, ooh, tell them about the note that you found that your other personality wrote.
00:10:39.000 Super naive and gullible.
00:10:41.000 I'm looking back now, it was a boring woman trying to give herself some sort of exciting personality.
00:10:53.000 Excuse me.
00:10:54.000 And she made up that story.
00:10:58.000 Alright, alright, alright.
00:10:59.000 I teased you about 9-11.
00:11:00.000 I guess I'll tell you about 9-11.
00:11:03.000 This is in my book.
00:11:05.000 But I'll keep it short.
00:11:06.000 How much time have we used?
00:11:07.000 Not much, right?
00:11:09.000 Okay, so it's New York City, kind of the peak of my life, really.
00:11:15.000 I mean, I've had a lot of fun times.
00:11:17.000 Being in bands when I was a teenager was fun.
00:11:20.000 Starting Vice was fun.
00:11:22.000 Moving to New York was fun.
00:11:23.000 This was part of the moving to New York.
00:11:25.000 And I hadn't really done blow before, but there was a lot of it in that sort of hipster Lower East Side scene at the time.
00:11:31.000 And the custom was going to Max Fish, then going to a karaoke spot.
00:11:38.000 And renting a room.
00:11:39.000 It was Ryan McGinley and Amy Kellner, Leslie Arfin, Matt Sweeney.
00:11:47.000 Those kind of dudes.
00:11:48.000 And gay guys.
00:11:50.000 And the gays.
00:11:51.000 Ben Cho.
00:11:54.000 Baby Leg.
00:11:56.000 Gavin DeGraw.
00:11:57.000 What's his name?
00:11:59.000 From Gang Gang Dance.
00:12:01.000 That whole scene.
00:12:02.000 Chloe Sevigny.
00:12:04.000 Her brother.
00:12:05.000 Anyway!
00:12:06.000 That was our crew.
00:12:08.000 And we would go and just get fucking hammered and do blow and sing our asses off.
00:12:13.000 And we weren't joking about it.
00:12:14.000 We had serious rules, like you have to sound like the guy.
00:12:19.000 So if you're doing Prince, you have to do a high-pitched voice.
00:12:21.000 I don't want to hear you going, I never meant to cause you any sorrow.
00:12:25.000 I want to hear like, I never meant to cause you any sorrow.
00:12:28.000 Like you really got to tense up your diaphragm.
00:12:31.000 And of course, everyone has to pay.
00:12:33.000 It's not expensive to rent these rooms if everyone puts in their 12 bucks.
00:12:37.000 But you'd have these fuckers.
00:12:41.000 Who would cheap out and they'd ruin the whole thing.
00:12:43.000 That's why I hate getting dinner with more than three or four people.
00:12:47.000 Because it's always some cocksucker who doesn't pay the full thing and you get the bill and it's $340 and you count all the money and it's 200 bucks.
00:12:58.000 And you go, oh, I guess I'll just throw in another 140.
00:13:03.000 One time I was at one of these big dinners.
00:13:05.000 It was actually Matt Sweeney's girlfriend.
00:13:08.000 Uh, I forget her name.
00:13:10.000 And, uh, Amy Gartrell.
00:13:12.000 I'll never forget her name because there was a Bill Cosby episode where they all wanted to wear this fake designer named Gordon Gartrell.
00:13:19.000 And, uh, Denise Huxtable can't afford Gordon Gartrell.
00:13:22.000 Or, no, Theo, whatever.
00:13:24.000 So Denise makes him a fake Gordon Gartrell on her sewing machine, but it's totally fucked up and one arm is shorter than the other.
00:13:30.000 And he's really embarrassed by it, but then he wears it to school and it's a hit and everyone wants this bootleg Gordon Gartrell.
00:13:35.000 Anyway, that's why I'll never forget Amy Gartrell.
00:13:38.000 She's a good artist.
00:13:40.000 But we're at dinner and I go, Amy, we're like a hundred bucks short.
00:13:45.000 Didn't you put in like eight bucks?
00:13:47.000 And she goes, yeah, that's about what I got.
00:13:51.000 And I go, but you ordered a margarita.
00:13:53.000 Those are seven bucks.
00:13:55.000 And then you had the burrito dinner.
00:13:58.000 And she goes, yeah, well, that's not that extravagant.
00:14:00.000 It's just a normal burrito meal and everyone's having margaritas.
00:14:05.000 And I just thought that is the communist mentality in a nutshell.
00:14:08.000 I'm not going to be too greedy, but I'm going to have what I think would be fair.
00:14:12.000 A margarita that everyone else gets.
00:14:15.000 And a burrito.
00:14:16.000 Yeah, everyone else is paying for that.
00:14:18.000 You don't just sit there and take a fair amount.
00:14:20.000 It's not like there's a buffet and you go, I'm not going to be greedy.
00:14:24.000 So she got about $18 worth of food without the tip and then just put in, well, this is all I have, eight.
00:14:33.000 So that's everyone else will have to pay for me.
00:14:35.000 Isn't that the left in a nutshell?
00:14:38.000 Anyway.
00:14:41.000 I'm close to 9-11.
00:14:43.000 I should have made 9-11 the thing.
00:14:44.000 Why did I make this about sleepwalking?
00:14:48.000 So, we go out, we karaoke that night.
00:14:50.000 Andrew WK was with us, that was fun.
00:14:53.000 And he obviously gets super intense.
00:14:56.000 I don't think you have to enforce the karaoke rule about sounding like the guy with Andrew WK.
00:15:01.000 He's not gonna be singing Prince in a high voice.
00:15:03.000 Or, it's so fun to be with him that you don't care if he sings it wrong.
00:15:10.000 I gotta say, Andrew's not a big drinker.
00:15:11.000 For the guy who's known as the party hard guy, I've never seen him do drugs.
00:15:16.000 Although I think he smokes a lot.
00:15:17.000 Yeah, he smokes a lot of weed.
00:15:18.000 But I've never seen him like, shots, shots!
00:15:21.000 He sort of parties like a retard.
00:15:24.000 To be honest.
00:15:26.000 You know, like, retarded kids?
00:15:27.000 I don't know if you ever hung out with them.
00:15:28.000 They're super fun.
00:15:29.000 But they love to party in quotation marks.
00:15:31.000 Let's have a party!
00:15:32.000 Yay, party!
00:15:34.000 And that just means, to them, partying just means having a good time and living life to the fullest.
00:15:39.000 And it can be with one person.
00:15:40.000 It can be with 20.
00:15:41.000 You can party in a car.
00:15:44.000 I'm very different.
00:15:45.000 For me, partying means you have to puke.
00:15:46.000 And I remember, oh that's the Andrew WK song, I remember in high school we would have a pact.
00:15:52.000 We'd all lock arms and say, puking?
00:15:56.000 Yes, puking.
00:15:57.000 And it wasn't that hard because the booze we got was jungle juice.
00:16:00.000 You'd take a little bit of a sip, a little bit of a splooge, a little bit of a pour from all your parents' liquor, including
00:16:07.000 Wine.
00:16:08.000 So you have vodka, slow gin, whiskey, rum, wine, all in a jar.
00:16:14.000 You can never find the top for the jar, so it would be saran wrap with 30 elastic bands, and you'd bring that out.
00:16:18.000 Everyone would have one.
00:16:20.000 And you'd drink that poison!
00:16:22.000 Oh my God, it was horrible.
00:16:24.000 And then you'd barf.
00:16:26.000 And I remember James Hunter didn't barf and we were so mad, so betrayed that James would stab us in the back like that and not barf.
00:16:37.000 How dare he?
00:16:38.000 Anyway, it's, that's probably why Andrew survived.
00:16:40.000 Cause if he was a real party hard serious dude who did heroin and coke, like he'd be like Chris Farley and John Belushi and Amy Winehouse and all those other
00:16:50.000 Partiers.
00:16:50.000 Jimi Hendrix.
00:16:51.000 Excuse me while I puke and die.
00:16:55.000 Um, so we're partying and we're karaoke-ing and coking and drinking and getting shit-faced.
00:17:00.000 I had just met my wife, like a week before.
00:17:04.000 And she was my girlfriend, obviously, at the time.
00:17:07.000 And I was with Derek Beckles.
00:17:08.000 African-American gentleman.
00:17:09.000 Doesn't like me anymore.
00:17:10.000 Uh, says I'm racist.
00:17:13.000 Uh, and he's known me my entire adult life.
00:17:15.000 So, yeah.
00:17:18.000 You must be right.
00:17:20.000 That's what made me so mad.
00:17:20.000 I'm like, dude, you know me.
00:17:22.000 We've been best friends from since we were 22.
00:17:27.000 You ruined my wedding with your speech.
00:17:33.000 By the way, the way you ruined my wedding, the first time we met, we were 21, 22, 21, 1991 in Vancouver, and people in Vancouver are boring.
00:17:44.000 All they do, like all West Coasters, they watch TV in the day and smoke pot and laugh at how bad it is.
00:17:49.000 Yeah dude, it's daytime TV.
00:17:51.000 It's for maids and children.
00:17:54.000 Of course it sucks.
00:17:56.000 And Derek said that.
00:17:58.000 And he goes, let's go do something fun.
00:18:02.000 And we go, we had cars and shit.
00:18:04.000 It's Vancouver.
00:18:04.000 You need a car.
00:18:06.000 So we go, let's go look at prostitutes.
00:18:08.000 Yeah, that's fun.
00:18:09.000 You know, you see them on the strip.
00:18:11.000 There's a, Vancouver is a beautiful pastoral town with trees and mountain biking and all kinds of swimming holes.
00:18:19.000 It really looks like heaven.
00:18:21.000 It's like forest heaven.
00:18:23.000 At the same time, a junkie a day dies in Gastown, and there's prostitutes everywhere.
00:18:28.000 And Indians that want to fight you.
00:18:29.000 In fact, the Indians in Vancouver, holy shit.
00:18:32.000 You gotta watch your ass.
00:18:34.000 What happens is the girls...
00:18:37.000 We'll come over and start flirting with you and sit on your lap.
00:18:39.000 And I like squaws.
00:18:40.000 I married one.
00:18:41.000 That's my cup of tea.
00:18:42.000 I like chinky looking brunettes.
00:18:44.000 Who can drink.
00:18:44.000 They'll come over and sit on your lap.
00:18:48.000 And you go, oh, I'm popular.
00:18:51.000 I knew someone was going to appreciate me one of these days.
00:18:55.000 They don't really appreciate you.
00:18:56.000 They're trying to make their boyfriends mad.
00:18:58.000 They're giant, Indian, literally man killer.
00:19:01.000 That's a name.
00:19:02.000 That's a- My wife has friends she went to high school with.
00:19:05.000 Their last name is Man Killer.
00:19:07.000 Hello, I'm Joseph Man Killer.
00:19:09.000 Guess what my ancestors did?
00:19:11.000 It's what I'm gonna do to you for letting my girlfriend sit on your lap.
00:19:14.000 So the second they sit on your lap, you have to say, Oh-ho-ho-ho, okay!
00:19:17.000 Uh, you're a very nice lady.
00:19:18.000 Excuse me, I'm just gonna sit over here, please.
00:19:20.000 Cause they're trying to start shit.
00:19:23.000 Anyway, lots of interesting stuff going on in Vancouver, so we go to look at prostitutes.
00:19:28.000 And there's two ways you can do it.
00:19:29.000 You can just drive around.
00:19:31.000 I've done this a million times.
00:19:33.000 Or you sit at a bar and you watch the way they work, and, oh, she's going with that guy.
00:19:36.000 Oh, she was gone for ten minutes.
00:19:38.000 It's fascinating!
00:19:39.000 So we went to look at prostitutes.
00:19:42.000 Now, the term at.
00:19:44.000 What is at?
00:19:45.000 Can you look that up, Dave?
00:19:46.000 Is it an article?
00:19:48.000 The word at is a preposition.
00:19:52.000 It's a very important preposition.
00:19:53.000 It's not a proposition.
00:19:56.000 One letter away.
00:19:58.000 So Derek at the speech says, I first met Gavin when I went looking for prostitutes.
00:20:06.000 And I'm sitting with my wife's dad going,
00:20:10.000 What my friend here is trying to say is AT was not getting prostitutes.
00:20:17.000 That is not.
00:20:18.000 I don't know why we're talking about prostitutes at my wedding, but okay.
00:20:21.000 All right, Derek, let's have a seat.
00:20:24.000 It wasn't really his fault.
00:20:26.000 My idea to make sure all my drunk friends were sober for the wedding was to have a four-day stag.
00:20:32.000 So three days of drinking, there'll be two hungover on the fourth day, and then we'll have the wedding.
00:20:37.000 But I forgot Adderall.
00:20:39.000 So, we drank.
00:20:40.000 Didn't eat, by the way.
00:20:41.000 We didn't really have food.
00:20:43.000 We totaled this hunting lodge.
00:20:45.000 One day, there was someone who brought some meat.
00:20:46.000 We had some pizza another time, but it's just like dudes with their shirts off, fighting, drinking.
00:20:50.000 It was chaos!
00:20:52.000 Total chaos.
00:20:53.000 Black guys in Klansmen uniforms, shooting off fireworks.
00:20:57.000 It was mental.
00:20:59.000 Homosexuals.
00:21:01.000 Anyway, um... Uh... Yeah, they did Adderall.
00:21:05.000 So, they could drink four days.
00:21:08.000 And so they were drunk at the wedding.
00:21:09.000 In fact, I heard later that the guys had a saying, and they said, uh, Adderall up!
00:21:13.000 What do you got?
00:21:14.000 A great wedding!
00:21:16.000 So anyway, that's why he shot his mouth off.
00:21:19.000 By the way, I saw Derek Beckles' new show, and despite the fact that he stabbed me in the back, uh, I gotta admit, it looks unbelievably good.
00:21:30.000 Wow.
00:21:31.000 He is- I will never deny that man's talent.
00:21:34.000 He's fucking hilarious,
00:21:36.000 He's a great editor.
00:21:37.000 TV Carnage must be checked out.
00:21:39.000 My LLC is still called Street Carnage from the terrible website we had together.
00:21:45.000 But holy shit is he good.
00:21:47.000 I think it's because he was raised by television.
00:21:50.000 So he kind of has a PhD in television kitsch.
00:21:55.000 And that's what his show is.
00:21:56.000 It's called Mostly Millennials or something.
00:21:58.000 It's out really soon and he's in white face the whole time with like a Guy Fieri wig.
00:22:06.000 It's really, really good.
00:22:07.000 And his previous show was really good too.
00:22:10.000 What was that called?
00:22:11.000 Totally for Teens or something like that.
00:22:13.000 Where he took stupid TV and then framed it as an Entertainment Tonight show.
00:22:18.000 For that show, this black man wore blackface.
00:22:21.000 He made his skin darker than it is.
00:22:23.000 That's how hard it is for me to compliment him.
00:22:32.000 That's how hard it is for a Scotsman to be nice about someone who is an enemy.
00:22:38.000 But anyway, so the next morning, September 11th, and my girlfriend is pounding on my door.
00:22:49.000 And I wake up and she goes, turn on the fucking TV right now!
00:22:51.000 She's got two large coffees.
00:22:53.000 Now, Scottish people, when we drink, our stomachs are weak.
00:22:57.000 We've been drinking beer all night.
00:22:58.000 That's a lot of bubbles and stuff.
00:23:00.000 You don't want to be around us in the morning.
00:23:02.000 Just avoid Scottish people in the morning.
00:23:05.000 Our farts are brutal.
00:23:09.000 And she goes, turn on the TV.
00:23:10.000 So we turn on the TV and we see the first tower smoking.
00:23:15.000 We see the smoke coming off of it.
00:23:17.000 By the way, I've always said I wish that George W. Bush started planting bricks on September 12th.
00:23:25.000 Organizing the same exact tower built up.
00:23:28.000 I had an argument with the fire department guy, a fireman about this.
00:23:32.000 He said, would you want your kids going to that, working in that building?
00:23:35.000 I go, I don't care if it's a grain silo.
00:23:38.000 I don't care who's in it.
00:23:39.000 It needs to be rebuilt.
00:23:40.000 My goal as president would be to have British people denying that it ever happened.
00:23:45.000 I would like 9-11 truthers.
00:23:49.000 And there'd be a plaque, we're not gonna say it didn't happen, but there'd just be like a nice plaque, nice statue going, September 11th, these buildings were gone for a couple days.
00:23:57.000 But poof, they're back.
00:23:59.000 And that would be such a great statement, it would be such a fuck you to Islam.
00:24:03.000 Right now, that big giant handkerchief that's there, with the huge hole in the bottom, it's just a big mosque.
00:24:12.000 It's a big testament to Islam.
00:24:13.000 It's a big, can you believe how badly these guys nailed us?
00:24:16.000 And they did nail us.
00:24:17.000 I think it cost them 12 grand.
00:24:19.000 Those flying lessons and everything.
00:24:22.000 How much did it cost us to fight back?
00:24:23.000 30 trillion?
00:24:27.000 I don't know how much.
00:24:28.000 How do you factor in the cost?
00:24:29.000 You've got to include all the global polarization of Islam in the West and oh my god.
00:24:33.000 It was the most effective attack in the history of war.
00:24:38.000 Pearl Harbor was pretty good.
00:24:40.000 The Nagasaki and Hiroshima ended World War II.
00:24:43.000 That was fairly effective.
00:24:45.000 But for effort put in,
00:24:48.000 Actually, no, you're right.
00:24:49.000 Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
00:24:51.000 Dropping nuclear bombs is the most effective war move ever.
00:24:53.000 I would say September 12th is number two after that.
00:24:56.000 I'm not sure what's three.
00:24:57.000 Pearl Harbor, maybe?
00:24:59.000 Anyway, so we turn on the TV and he goes, my mom works there.
00:25:05.000 And, uh, he's sitting on the floor.
00:25:08.000 We just passed out on the floor.
00:25:09.000 I'm sitting on- I passed out on the couch.
00:25:11.000 He's on the floor.
00:25:12.000 And, uh, we didn't even make it to a- a bed.
00:25:15.000 Um, not that we slept together.
00:25:17.000 Actually, we sorta did a lot of times.
00:25:20.000 Not sexually, relax.
00:25:22.000 Uh, and so he's right at my buttcheeks.
00:25:26.000 And I let out this fuckin' fart.
00:25:28.000 So he's watching what might be his mother dying, and he just smells my buttcheeks, my fart, my flatulence.
00:25:35.000 So he just gets up and starts pounding me.
00:25:37.000 Which I totally understand.
00:25:40.000 It's fair.
00:25:41.000 Fair punches.
00:25:42.000 Although, Jay Johnson, the guy who looks like Moonface from Mr. Show, he once beat me up for farting in his face.
00:25:48.000 And then he came to my house, maybe a year later, and took his shoes off and his feet reeked up my house.
00:25:52.000 And I punched him!
00:25:54.000 We're good.
00:26:09.000 That are festering on your feet.
00:26:12.000 Those have little microbes.
00:26:13.000 Those float in the air and go into my nose.
00:26:16.000 That's what poo is.
00:26:17.000 It's fecal matter.
00:26:18.000 It's solid waste.
00:26:19.000 That's what rotting feet smell is.
00:26:21.000 It's solid waste.
00:26:23.000 You pooed in my nose.
00:26:24.000 Punch.
00:26:27.000 Anyway.
00:26:28.000 So, uh... That sucks, and we just can't believe it's real.
00:26:34.000 And I also, my first instinct in these kind of things is just like apathy.
00:26:38.000 I think it's a coping mechanism where I go, oh well, just a building on fire.
00:26:41.000 Whatever.
00:26:42.000 So then we go up onto the roof.
00:26:44.000 And my wife is smart enough to be freaking out.
00:26:46.000 I had a photo shoot for Vice Magazine planned that day.
00:26:50.000 I was still intended to go there.
00:26:52.000 We'd rented a limousine.
00:26:54.000 I'm gonna have all these girls wear blonde wigs, and they'll be riding around in a- wearing all white, with white wigs, in a white stand-up limousine.
00:27:00.000 That'll be a cool photo shoot.
00:27:01.000 Let's do it.
00:27:02.000 Who cares if a building's on fire?
00:27:04.000 And then we go upstairs, and, uh, the second- we watch the second plane hit the tower.
00:27:13.000 And now the whole sky is full of smoke.
00:27:16.000 And it's starting to dawn on us that this isn't just a building on fire.
00:27:21.000 We're starting to realize the seriousness.
00:27:23.000 And then with Derek, now when I... I'm starting to think Derek was lying.
00:27:29.000 That his mother wasn't in the tower.
00:27:32.000 I go back and forth on this, but anyway.
00:27:36.000 I have a picture of my book, actually, in Death of Cool, of my wife on the phone.
00:27:41.000 We'll pull that up for the podcast now and rub the picture on the microphone so you can feel the contours of the drama.
00:27:49.000 I heard Amy Sedaris, she was dating, uh, God, who was she dating at the time?
00:27:54.000 I think it was Philip Seymour Hoffman.
00:27:57.000 And, uh, she, she is on record as doing the most too soon 9-11 joke in history.
00:28:06.000 As the second plane hit the tower, she wasn't looking at it.
00:28:10.000 She was looking at him.
00:28:13.000 And he said, what are you looking at?
00:28:16.000 And she goes, you.
00:28:18.000 And he goes, what are you thinking about?
00:28:20.000 And she goes, us.
00:28:23.000 As the towers were on fire before they collapsed.
00:28:28.000 Amy Sedaris, you win.
00:28:31.000 Anyway, that keeps going.
00:28:37.000 And we watch the whole thing.
00:28:39.000 We're freaking out.
00:28:42.000 Andrew WK, who was with us the night before, he goes down and he's with his buddy Jimmy Koo, who was the guitarist for his band.
00:28:51.000 I was lucky, I had Derek, I had my girlfriend, and everyone in our building was on our roof too, and we're all freaking out.
00:28:58.000 You know, we had a community.
00:29:00.000 He was in Long Island City, over the water, over the East River, with Jimmy Coo, and he goes, Jimmy, Jimmy, turn on the TV!
00:29:07.000 Or fucking look outside!
00:29:08.000 The sky is black!
00:29:10.000 The World Trade Center is on fire!
00:29:13.000 And he goes, Jimmy Coo wakes up and goes, so?
00:29:17.000 And Andrew WK goes, I need you to watch this with me.
00:29:20.000 I need you to, we have to turn on the news.
00:29:22.000 We have to watch the news together.
00:29:24.000 And he goes, look, Andrew, there's, that's happening over in Manhattan.
00:29:28.000 There's nothing we can do about it now.
00:29:30.000 So shut the fuck up and go back to sleep.
00:29:33.000 And then Jimmy Coo went back to sleep on September 11th.
00:29:39.000 Just dozing away, sleeping through the apocalypse.
00:29:45.000 Um... So, this continues.
00:29:49.000 And... We see the smoke.
00:29:52.000 It fills the whole sky.
00:29:54.000 Everyone on the street's freaking out.
00:29:55.000 We hear sirens galore.
00:29:57.000 And that was all those firemen who went down there.
00:30:00.000 And I have nothing but respect for the firemen and the police who went down there, obviously.
00:30:04.000 But I have heard some kind of shitty stuff from the FDNY.
00:30:07.000 NYPD, FDNY, there's a rivalry and they don't like each other.
00:30:10.000 And I tend to side with NYPD.
00:30:12.000 And there were stories, you can look this up, about firemen going down to the Rolex shop underneath the World Trade Center during the smoke and looting it.
00:30:22.000 Now, I know many men died there, and I would never trivialize their bravery.
00:30:26.000 In fact, I would argue that this Rolex thing is what trivializes their bravery.
00:30:30.000 It was blasphemous, almost, you know?
00:30:32.000 It was shitting on their graves as they were dying.
00:30:36.000 So that's fucking evil.
00:30:38.000 Imagine wearing one of those Rolexes.
00:30:40.000 That's like buying a Rolex from Satan.
00:30:42.000 You're taking that Rolex to hell.
00:30:45.000 Anyway, um... No, no, no.
00:30:51.000 Before the collapse.
00:30:52.000 Oh, they would have been destroyed, I see.
00:30:53.000 So your attitude is, fuck it.
00:30:56.000 Get some free watches, man.
00:30:58.000 Yeah, there's an argument there, but I think your labor would be better suited rescuing thousands of people.
00:31:05.000 Which they did, by the way.
00:31:06.000 Giuliani points that out.
00:31:08.000 That no one talks about the thousands of lives the police and firemen saved evacuating the building.
00:31:16.000 I knew this dude Sprague, who lived in Soho at the time, and so he was right there.
00:31:21.000 We were in the Lower East Side, by the way.
00:31:22.000 I lived above Max Fish, 174 Ludlow.
00:31:25.000 I believe it's, uh, three miles from, uh, uh, the World Trade Center, but that's by road.
00:31:31.000 It's probably two miles as the crow flies.
00:31:35.000 Um, but Sprague was there volunteering, and, uh, there's so much you don't know about 9-11 that only New Yorkers know.
00:31:43.000 It's fucking horrific, man.
00:31:45.000 Like, uh, when lots of people jumped.
00:31:49.000 It wasn't just that couple you saw.
00:31:51.000 That was the thing.
00:31:52.000 Everyone was just jumping.
00:31:53.000 They'd given up.
00:31:54.000 Which I don't really understand.
00:31:55.000 I would be fighting to the very end.
00:31:57.000 Maybe your room's full of smoke and you're seeing people cough and suffocate and you think, I don't want to suffocate.
00:32:02.000 I'm going to jump.
00:32:03.000 But when these bodies would hit the ground, they would pop.
00:32:07.000 Like water balloons.
00:32:10.000 And there'd just be limbs and pieces of torso.
00:32:14.000 So one of the things volunteers were doing was assembling the body parts.
00:32:20.000 I don't mean making a person back out of them.
00:32:22.000 That ship has sailed.
00:32:24.000 But putting pieces of human on pallets and stacking.
00:32:31.000 The pallets were stacked with body parts.
00:32:33.000 And that was Sprague's job.
00:32:34.000 By the way, Sprague was never the same.
00:32:36.000 I don't even know if he's alive anymore.
00:32:38.000 I think he got into heroin after that.
00:32:41.000 But he- No, no, none of us were the same after 9-11.
00:32:43.000 In fact, this- I was gonna say this to the end, but, you know, I get a lot of criticism.
00:32:47.000 They call me racist and blah blah blah and homophobic and none of that is true.
00:32:51.000 But, Islamophobe, I think, is a pretty accurate, uh, uh, way to describe me.
00:32:57.000 I definitely, from that day forward, I wasn't really that political before then, I definitely wasn't right-wing, but I had just read Death of the West by Pat Buchanan shortly before that, where he all but predicted this, and that day I went, it's us and them.
00:33:12.000 It's the West versus the East.
00:33:14.000 It's Christianity versus Islam.
00:33:16.000 Even if you're an atheist, you have to be on the side of Christianity and recognize that it built the Western world.
00:33:21.000 That was a game-changer for me.
00:33:23.000 And I think it was a game changer for a lot of people.
00:33:25.000 I know Anthony Cumia, he wasn't really political.
00:33:28.000 And we both had the exact same epiphany that day where we said, wait a minute, what have you guys been doing?
00:33:34.000 What's been going on?
00:33:35.000 Wait, I'm getting involved.
00:33:37.000 I thought you were on autopilot.
00:33:38.000 I thought you had this handled.
00:33:40.000 You made a few blunders in the Middle East.
00:33:41.000 But I didn't know that this was going on.
00:33:46.000 And same with Pamela Geller.
00:33:49.000 She wasn't really political.
00:33:51.000 And she became obsessed with Islam after that.
00:33:53.000 And those are just the famous people.
00:33:55.000 There's millions of people who all of a sudden became political that day.
00:33:58.000 It really changed me fundamentally.
00:34:01.000 It changed the whole course of my life.
00:34:03.000 And that's what they were going for, by the by.
00:34:06.000 See, Islam is sort of like Antifa.
00:34:09.000 They want a war.
00:34:11.000 They don't want to negotiate.
00:34:12.000 You know, Palestinians are not looking for a deal.
00:34:14.000 Bill Clinton brought Yasser Arafat to Camp David and they haven't... Bill Clinton had a deal that I don't think was very good for Israel.
00:34:21.000 It was the perfect Palestinian deal.
00:34:23.000 And Yasser Arafat walked out of the room and said, uh, I have to take a phone call and didn't return.
00:34:29.000 He can't, if he negotiated any kind of settlement, no matter how good it was,
00:34:34.000 If it didn't involve killing all Jews in Israel, he would get killed.
00:34:38.000 So, there's no authority in Palestine that can negotiate a deal, and I believe that's indicative of the Islamic mentality, which is, I don't want a deal.
00:34:46.000 I want a war.
00:34:47.000 Antifa don't want to sit and argue with you about smaller government and how Trump is actually the most anarcho-president we've ever had.
00:34:53.000 They don't care about that.
00:34:54.000 They want a war.
00:34:55.000 Which is weird, because they can't fight.
00:34:57.000 And they're starting a war with war vets, and tradesmen, and bodybuilders, and fighters, and MMA guys.
00:35:05.000 Okay, it's on.
00:35:07.000 And Bataclan.
00:35:09.000 You know, why did they pick that hipster place with Jesse from Eagles of Death Metal?
00:35:15.000 What's his name again?
00:35:16.000 Jesse Hughes.
00:35:18.000 He, by the way, became politicized after that shooting and has totally changed.
00:35:22.000 I mean, he's definitely on our side.
00:35:25.000 I think he's going to join Proud Boys.
00:35:28.000 But yeah, he's very concerned about Islam and very concerned about guns.
00:35:34.000 He said he knew of cops at Bataclan who were going to bring their guns.
00:35:39.000 They weren't on duty.
00:35:40.000 And their wife said, please don't bring that gun.
00:35:42.000 I had that gun.
00:35:44.000 And so they didn't, and they regretted it.
00:35:46.000 And when he played there again, they showed him their guns.
00:35:52.000 So this is turning into a fucking bummer of an app.
00:35:57.000 But the reason Islam chose Bataclan was to polarize.
00:36:01.000 They know that there's the far right and they know that there's the radical Islam.
00:36:07.000 They like both those things because they want a war.
00:36:09.000 What they don't like is moderate Muslims and tolerant hipsters.
00:36:14.000 Living together, going to shows, being cool.
00:36:16.000 They don't like that.
00:36:17.000 They want to radicalize both sides and make the cool hipsters into far right, which they did with me, and it worked, guys.
00:36:26.000 Way to go.
00:36:26.000 Good job.
00:36:28.000 And they also want to take the moderate, tolerant Muslims and push them to the far, uh, to the far whatever.
00:36:34.000 Far left, I guess.
00:36:36.000 Um, and I assume that worked, too.
00:36:39.000 So that's what they were trying to do with, uh, 9-11.
00:36:40.000 And it worked.
00:36:44.000 Anyway, so we go downstairs, and the streets are empty, and we go to this bar, Nice Guy Eddie's, and everyone's there.
00:36:55.000 Oh, and we all have beers, and we're all watching TV, everyone's fixing on the TV, but there's a real sense of community.
00:37:02.000 I might tear up.
00:37:14.000 Then we went up to Doc Holidays and we all hung out there and Derek kept trying to call his mom.
00:37:27.000 I still don't know if this is true.
00:37:28.000 The story I got was that she was going to make some photocopies but the photocopier didn't work and she had a presentation to do so she took the elevator down
00:37:37.000 from the first tower, went into like a Kinko's nearby where she could see the tower, did her photocopies and saw the tower collapse where her purse was.
00:37:45.000 Notice I'm not crying anymore because I don't believe this story, it's too perfect.
00:37:48.000 And then she walked over the bridge or the tunnel, the jersey, walked through the Holland Tunnel I guess, covered in ash like a ghost and that's why she wasn't answering calls or calling anyone.
00:38:01.000 A little too perfect.
00:38:04.000 Anyway, I believed it back then, and I kept pretending she was going to be okay, even though I was sure she was dead.
00:38:12.000 And then he called his brother Collect, and we were all obviously totally aware of this, and Emily had met all her friends, so it was half chicks, half dudes at Doc Holidays, which is a wonderful bar to this day.
00:38:23.000 Perfect dive bar.
00:38:25.000 Right amount of junkies, right amount of weirdos, a couple students, old-timers.
00:38:30.000 It's surprising that it's lasted as long as it did.
00:38:32.000 You know, the East Village has a lot of good bars that have retained their East Villageness, like 7A and Handsome Dick Manitoba's.
00:38:41.000 I mean, there's still old punk rockers there from the 70s.
00:38:44.000 That's impressive.
00:38:45.000 The neighborhood, not so much, but those bars, those dives I've held on.
00:38:48.000 Probably because they have grandfathered in rent.
00:38:51.000 But um, we go to Doc Holidays and we're drinking beers, and uh, everyone's- everyone's partying!
00:38:56.000 I mean, we're- obviously there's a state of shock, but it's also like a... I don't know, man.
00:39:03.000 It was the same with the blackout in 2004, which is also in my book.
00:39:07.000 It was- New Yorkers were- all came together.
00:39:11.000 The blackout?
00:39:15.000 My wife's shirt says 04, but um, okay.
00:39:24.000 You're right, 03.
00:39:25.000 So, don't correct me if I'm a year off, by the way.
00:39:28.000 Throw out my whole fucking rhythm, because I'm literally a day off.
00:39:32.000 That's what the difference in a year is.
00:39:33.000 Anyway, um...
00:39:35.000 So, he calls, he finds out his mom's okay.
00:39:38.000 I think in the audio version of my book, when I tell this part, I start crying.
00:39:42.000 Because I still believed it back then.
00:39:44.000 I've since stopped believing it.
00:39:46.000 So he called and he found out his mom was okay, then the whole bar cheers.
00:39:49.000 Yeah!
00:39:51.000 When we find out his mom's okay.
00:39:54.000 Holy shit if he's lying that is some dark shit man Making a bar cheer about your wife.
00:40:01.000 I mean your mom who was never gonna be dead That's fucking rich I still don't know by the way.
00:40:08.000 I'm not accusing him.
00:40:09.000 I'm just saying I know I've got a bad feeling So
00:40:15.000 And then we finished drinking.
00:40:17.000 I realized we're not doing the photo shoot.
00:40:20.000 It starts around like 3 or 4 p.m.
00:40:23.000 It starts sinking in.
00:40:25.000 Ryan McGinley and his buddies, they went down there the next day, I believe, or maybe that same day, that night, on their BMXs with bandanas around their necks because of the ash.
00:40:36.000 I mean, there was ash everywhere.
00:40:38.000 People walking around like ghosts.
00:40:41.000 I'm not doing the drama credit here because, I don't know, I'll just sit here and bawl my eyes out like a fag.
00:40:49.000 It won't be a very good podcast, so I'm keeping it light.
00:40:52.000 But you have to know that it was the most dramatic event to happen to anyone in New York City.
00:40:57.000 In fact, I can't remember who said this, but around 2008 they said, the way you can tell you're a real New Yorker is if you've lived here for 10 years or you were there for 9-11.
00:41:08.000 And people, you know, they say never forget, but they're so worried about offending Muslims in New York City.
00:41:15.000 Like, remember that girl who had her hijab stolen?
00:41:18.000 Everyone was bending over backwards to appease her.
00:41:20.000 God forbid someone should touch a piece of cloth on someone's head.
00:41:24.000 It turned out to be a hoax.
00:41:26.000 But that was, it was too late.
00:41:28.000 We'd already apologized and de Blasio had a big fucking festival where he ate her out and started crying.
00:41:33.000 And I just thought, so we did forget.
00:41:37.000 We did forget that Islam is a dangerous religion.
00:41:41.000 You know, there's... And the people go, why are you so obsessed with Islam?
00:41:44.000 I go, watch two towers fall and get back to me.
00:41:48.000 Watch a city of zombies walking up from southern Manhattan covered in ash like ghosts.
00:41:54.000 They just keep appearing and appearing.
00:41:56.000 It was honestly like something out of Ghostbusters, where they open some vault that wasn't meant to be open and all these dead ghosts were just walking up through the streets catatonic.
00:42:06.000 With their their eyes wide open stumbling around not knowing what's going on Not knowing where their co-workers are if they're dead or not.
00:42:14.000 Oh my god.
00:42:14.000 I just remembered something else horrific There was a church in there was all churches but there was a There's a church near 9-eleven where people were putting up pictures laminated pictures of their loved ones saying missing
00:42:31.000 Have you seen this man?
00:42:32.000 With, uh, phone numbers.
00:42:33.000 And this was also at the hospital at Beth Israel on 14th Street.
00:42:37.000 People were putting up these laminated pictures of their loved ones.
00:42:39.000 Laminated!
00:42:41.000 So it'll last for days in the rain and stuff, saying, call if you see this person.
00:42:46.000 Uh... Your dad's dead, my friend.
00:42:49.000 I heard that Vampire Weekend were formed from a lot of the kids of these rich finance dudes because areas like Westchester, all the dads were working in Wall Street.
00:43:00.000 So you had a whole generation of rich kids with dead dads who now had all this money and were losing their minds because their father just passed away.
00:43:08.000 So they were doing heroin.
00:43:10.000 So there was this weird epidemic of rich kids in Manhattan dying of heroin overdoses because they had tons of money and tons of grief.
00:43:19.000 Good!
00:43:20.000 Fuckin' rich kids, I'm glad they're dead.
00:43:22.000 Ugh, I can hear people thinking that.
00:43:26.000 Um, Vampire Weekend's whole positive attitude was, you know, fellow Westchester kids saying, let's not kill ourselves, guys.
00:43:38.000 Keep it light.
00:43:41.000 But, um, yeah, for days after that, I had to show my utility bills, because I was in the Lower East Side, and that was, it was like, uh, uh, Houston Street and South were sort of considered a war zone, unless you were, you know, way, way out in the West Village.
00:43:58.000 And we were very close.
00:44:00.000 And you could still see smoke in the, and the smoke took forever to go away.
00:44:05.000 It was, it was a literal and figurative cloud over New York City.
00:44:09.000 And you had to show your utility bill to go home.
00:44:12.000 Because the streets were all blocked off.
00:44:14.000 And there was fucking tanks!
00:44:16.000 There was regular tanks going up and down Houston Street.
00:44:21.000 So my question, when people say, why are you so angry?
00:44:24.000 I go, why aren't you more angry?
00:44:27.000 There was tanks going up Houston Street.
00:44:30.000 3,000 people died that day.
00:44:32.000 Why aren't you fucking mad?
00:44:35.000 I mean, people are mad about Pulse, the Pulse shooting.
00:44:39.000 People are mad about Sandy Hook.
00:44:41.000 All of those things are horrific, and I appreciate that rage.
00:44:44.000 But 9-11 was 3,000 people just in the World Trade Center.
00:44:51.000 Actually, I'm not sure about that.
00:44:52.000 Maybe it was 2,900 or something in World Trade and the other things added up to just over 3,000?
00:44:56.000 Thousands and thousands of dead bodies in the name of Islam.
00:45:02.000 No, it was our foreign policy.
00:45:04.000 Oh, fuck off with that shit!
00:45:07.000 Why are Chinese Muslims murdering people in China?
00:45:10.000 Why are Polynesians murdering people?
00:45:13.000 Why are there so many Muslim-on-Muslim attacks in Somalia and Pakistan?
00:45:17.000 Is that foreign policy?
00:45:18.000 Is it my foreign policy that's getting gays thrown off buildings and women stoned to death for being raped?
00:45:23.000 Is that my foreign policy?
00:45:25.000 Or is it a corrupt book that encourages the murder of apostates?
00:45:32.000 See?
00:45:33.000 You made me talk about 9-11, you got me all serious.
00:45:35.000 I tried to start this off funny by talking about sleepwalking, but nooooo!
00:45:41.000 You had to bring up the fucking apocalypse.
00:45:43.000 Way to go, you.
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00:46:21.000 I'm still moving with my concealed carry.
00:46:23.000 Almost there, boys.
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00:46:28.000 And we're done.
00:46:29.000 And I'm done with this show, and I don't want to talk about 9-11 for a long time, but I would appreciate it if you could be a little less tolerant of Islam.