35 years ago today, George Brett had the greatest temper tantrum in the history of baseball. He was accused of having too much pine tar on his bat. Pine tar helps your hands stick to the bat and it can only go as high as the width of a home plate. And his team won. And who were they playing? The Yanks. And they finally beat the Yankees. That felt really good. They were good back then. And this is back in the Rockstar days with Lenny Dykstra doing coke off of strippers' tits. This is not a take-a-girls-home sports is not real men-and-women sports. And, who to fire someone who tries to fire a real man? This is real men and women who just look like they want to get over it. Which I'll never comprehend. I mean, my goal in life is to be with people who are interesting. I don't care if you're dumb, just have something to say. And there's nothing worse than being boring. I'll jump out of a car and start yelling at them. Or I'll just want to slit my wrists out of my car. or I'll start yelling out of moving cars I don t care if I'm boring, or I hate it, I just wanna be moving out of the car, I'll do it and I'll let you know how boring my life is... it's nothing better than boring than that And I'll be with you in the car Tweet me if you have a story you want me to tell me what you're doing or you're not boring in your life is boring Or you don't want to be boring in a boring day or you'll just start moving me out of your car or you don t have a good day tweet me or something like that I'm not getting a cup of coffee you're just gonna get it like that, I'm just gonna do that, or you can do it, you're gonna have it, right have it like I'll say it, right like that I'll have it in a nice thing like that or you've got a little more of that, you'll have a little bit of it, like you're got it like like that? or a little less of a day like that like that ... this is not boring, right?
Transcript
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00:00:00.00035 years ago today, George Brett had the greatest temper tantrum in the history of baseball.
00:00:07.000He was accused of having too much pine tar on his bat.
00:00:13.000Pine tar helps your hands stick to the bat.
00:00:16.000And it can only go as high up as the width of a home plate.
00:00:37.000Um, and uh, they won the game, that felt great, and George Brett did this thing, I've done it before too, where he said, if they say that there's too much pine tar on my bat, and they call off this win, I am going to lose it!
00:00:58.000And you can see the Yumps going, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:01:00.000Then they put the bat down on home plate, and then he just goes, that's it!
00:01:04.000And he goes tearing out of the dugout, roaring towards them, doing one of the weirdest runs I've ever seen.
00:01:12.000It's not a run where you put your fists up like you're boxing.
00:01:15.000It's like he's pushing the air out of the way.
00:01:17.000It's like he was swimming at a million miles an hour.
00:01:20.000And then he got up, and he didn't punch him in the face.
00:01:23.000I mean, I was not born for another nine years, but yeah.
00:02:34.000It's hard to know what to say after you fart.
00:02:36.000Can you turn these lights off by the way?
00:02:38.000It's hard to know what to say after you fart because it feels dumb not to acknowledge it, right?
00:02:46.000Feels weird just to say, just to just stare at the person.
00:02:51.000Like my buddy Mark, he used to always say, TROUSER COFF!
00:02:54.000Or I like to make it a thing, like I'll go, I have a stuffed bear in my office, and people, when they come by to see it, there'll be kids there or something, and if I'm lucky I have a fart ready to rock, and I'll just go, oh yeah, this is, well, I got an extra feature here, there's an air pocket around the back, so if you squeeze, like, his hips, then, and then I'll let out a big fart.
00:03:16.000Kids never laugh when I do that, by the way, because they believe it.
00:03:48.000And the part that drives me nuts about this video, which it's easy to find on YouTube, but not with good quality, is that the guys he's talking to don't really care.
00:03:58.000Like, they look like they don't want to hear it.
00:04:01.000Now, this guy was already a major legend, one of the greatest players in the history of baseball, and this is back in the Rockstar days with Lenny Dykstra doing coke off of strippers' tits and stuff, so
00:04:13.000Real men in the MLB, not scared of getting fired.
00:04:16.000They'll beat up anyone who tries to fire them.
00:09:30.000We've got Ryan Katsu Rivera at the helm here in the studio.
00:09:33.000Dave Kast came in to show him the ropes.
00:09:38.000It seems like they are both retarded, so... I'm still... And I get criticized all the time, and I don't see you working with the handicapped.
00:09:47.000I don't... No, no, I'm not talking to you.
00:09:59.000You masturbate the retarded, you wash the retarded's body in the shower, you brush his teeth, you comb his hair, you stare at his face in the mirror.
00:11:46.000Men wear a garbage bag in the ring and hit a heavy bag for 18 rounds.
00:11:52.000They really do, they wear garbage bags on their body in- this is July.
00:11:57.000So you're next to a guy, I'm panting, lamenting that I have to have a shirt on, and they're sitting there with sweat- two pairs of sweatpants, a sweatshirt, and a garbage bag with- it's like a garbage- it's not a real garbage bag, it's like a thick rubber thing you buy that's like plastic, and it has a hood on it.
00:12:57.000Sherrod Small was on vacation with Ann Coulter and I was looking at some of her pictures and I saw him in the pool and he had aqua shoes on.
00:13:12.000You going mountain climbing in the pool?
00:13:14.000And then there was that story in the news where someone called the cops on a black family in the pool and she did it because he had his socks on in the pool.
00:14:46.000Like in Canada when it's, I guess the Fahrenheit would be zero degrees, and you have to wear all this Gore-Tex and this gear and the special snowboarding gloves and your big boots, your mucklucks.
00:16:22.000My daughter and I were going to see a movie and I went into the bathroom and they were playing the same music in the girls' bathroom as the boys' bathroom and I said, did you hear that song that I heard?
00:16:44.000It's called Popsicle Toes, and it's clearly a guy with his second wife or his girlfriend after he's divorced his wife, and he's madly in love with the new wife.
00:16:56.000Of course, they're gonna get divorced, too, eventually, but it's in the... Sounds like the honeymoon phase, and he probably calls her toes Popsicle Toes because her feet are cold in bed, but it's so irritating.
00:19:59.000Anyway, yeah, I find when I'm going through, like, so you'd collect records and you'd buy them, we wanted punk records, so we'd just go by the cover, but sometimes you'd end up with weird industrial bands that just look punk on the cover, like Alien Sex Fiend, Scraping Fetus Off the Wheel, Meat Beat Manifesto, and I don't like industrial, so you'd go, well, now I have to wait two more, I have to wait a whole other week, so that's two weeks without a good record.
00:20:29.000Because I bought Meat Beat Manifesto or Throbbing Gristle or Revolting Cox.
00:20:36.000They all sound punk and they all suck.
00:20:39.000But those are the days when you'd have the record and you'd have it for a week.
00:20:42.000So you'd put it on and the Dead Kennedys were great for this.
00:20:45.000They'd have the inserts where you could read the whole book.
00:21:56.000But I've noticed when I'm looking at the records, I can pull out the record, The Dead Milkmen or something, Big Lizard in My Backyard, and I can just hear every song.
00:22:33.000But then, yeah, you just sort of go, I'm good with music.
00:22:35.000You know, at Vice, I had to know what the hot bands were before anyone else did, and then tell them all about them.
00:22:41.000So that may have ruined it, because it was just like going through dozens of CDs every week, trying to find, talking to, you know, college DJs.
00:22:50.000What band is everyone talking about and trying to know about this band?
00:22:53.000And also, when we had a record label, you wanted to get them before they got too big to sign.
00:22:57.000So you're constantly trying to find a band
00:23:37.000So, Tucker Carlson, too, I always watch.
00:23:39.000I think I've kind of stopped reading, too, because I don't write anymore.
00:23:43.000And when I was writing, I would read someone like Christopher Hitchens or Pat Buchanan or Mark Stein, and I'd learn all these big words that I'd write down.
00:23:51.000I'd go, ooh, I should use pulchritudinous in a sentence.
00:23:54.000Now, big words just confuse the viewer.
00:29:45.000They are the children of single mothers.
00:29:47.000They are MS... No, not MS-13, although there is some MS-13, but I think they're in Long Island dealing heroin to construction workers who just got off their oxy after their sore back.
00:31:16.000If you get carjacked, you're like, give me one second, hold on a second here, let's get this out, and then I'm just gonna go to the trunk and load up the clip.
00:31:27.000And there's shooting ranges all over Long Island and Westchester.
00:31:31.000So it's not the gun desert I make it out to be, but Manhattan proper and the surrounding boroughs, real damn strict.
00:31:41.000So what most dads do that I know, like in Hell's Kitchen and stuff, they just have guns.
00:31:45.000So they're just risking a five-year prison sentence to keep their family safe, especially in black neighborhoods where there's a murder a day.
00:31:58.000Some black dad wants to stand by his kids and make sure they're safe in a criminal neighborhood where gangs like Trinitarios murder a 14 year old because they think he was in a video where a Trinitarios chick was being murdered, but they got the wrong kid.
00:33:37.000You say, I was with a virgin, and she got chlamydia from me, so I must have it.
00:33:43.000That, you make this invisible virgin the proof, and then they don't do the swab where they go down your urethra with a big fat wood Q-tip, which is real painful.
00:33:54.000Anyway, back to the We The People holsters.
00:33:56.000We appreciate that you pull out in less than three seconds.
00:36:31.000Now it's only 90 bucks a year, I believe.
00:36:35.000We have bums here, but they're pretty reasonable, and I think the beauty of New York is it's freezing cold and there's murderers everywhere, so we tend to call the herd pretty regularly.
00:36:48.000I don't understand why, but the bums there are set up.
00:36:52.000Like they've got living rooms, areas they hang out on the street where there's a bed, several couches, and you know, different, like there's, near the CRTV studio, there's a bum section here with all ages and genders, mostly black.
00:37:09.000And then, across the street, there's another one, with a couch and a bed and some tables and stuff.
00:37:14.000And they will constantly, like, go back and forth across the road and visit each other.
00:37:17.000Not sure why they're not one team, but it's just, like, neighbours visiting each other.
00:37:22.000And, uh, I was at the, uh, Kelly's Irish Times, a bar near there, and this guy comes up asking for money, completely nude.
00:40:50.000But I noticed when my wife worked at the American Indian Museum, there'd be some powwow or something that the Indians put on, and Germans just want to be down so bad.
00:41:35.000You'll never be down, no matter how many of the colloquialisms, black colloquialisms you use, or how many cool handshakes you learn, or how much rap, how many Wu-Tang hats you wear.
00:41:46.000You're never gonna be part of the club.
00:41:49.000You shouldn't want to want to be in someone else's club that badly.
00:41:53.000I think that's why I get along with African-American people of color so well because I don't do the handshake and I'm not I'm not trying to be your friend.
00:42:09.000I have to say something about that last subject that, to be totally honest, I used to work with a guy at my ad agency, the camera dude, and he was really tall, like 6'5", so he played basketball in college.
00:42:21.000And so his friends were all black for most of his life.
00:42:23.000So we had these mannerisms, if you will, where he was like, yo, what's up?
00:43:21.000Scottish culture and black culture is similar in many ways.
00:43:24.000And Thomas Sowell blames the worst of black culture on the Scots.
00:43:28.000In a book called Black Rednecks, White Liberals, he argues that the origin of ghetto culture comes from blacks imitating the offensive mannerisms of Scottish and Irish drunks.
00:44:02.000Uh, I, and with your, I think it's 10 bucks a month, you get Steven Crowder, Mark Levin, like 15 other shows, Michelle Malkin, Phil Robertson, the Duck Dynasty guy, um, you get more TV than you could possibly watch, honestly.
00:45:52.000But, uh, you know, Not Gay Jared was on the show and he suggested, uh, uh, Eleanor Roosevelt and my stupid brain, my retard brain, heard Amelia Earhart.
00:46:05.000So I started criticizing him going, ah, Amelia Earhart wasn't, I mean, Eleanor Roosevelt wasn't so great.
00:46:11.000She, uh, no, I like doing it as a picture now, Dave.
00:46:16.000Um, Amelia Earhart, uh, she didn't even, no, I said, Eleanor Roosevelt didn't even drive the plane.