In this episode, I talk about my time in the special class at my high school and how I became a genius. I also talk about the time I raped a 12 year old girl in class and how a dead kid helped me get a C+ in math. I hope you enjoy this episode and that it gives you a little insight into what it's like being a kid in a special class. I hope it makes you feel a little less dumb and makes you realize how amazing you are! If you like the podcast, please give a rating and review on Apple Podcasts, and if you don't, please leave a review and a review on iTunes. I'll be picking one lucky winner at random to win a free place on the next Shreddin8 program! Thanks so much for listening and supporting the podcast! Timestamps: 1:00 - I m a genius 2:30 - How I got a C in math 3:20 - How my teacher taught me how to do math 4:15 - How to write an essay 5:10 - What I did in class 6:40 - What my teacher did to me when I was a kid 7:00 8:20 9:00 | I m not a dumb kid 10:30 | I can do a lot 11:10 | I don t like math 12:20 | How to be a genius? 13:10 15:40 16:40 | How do you can do it? 17: I m going to get an A+ 18:30 19:00 / 16: How to do it better than that s a B+ 21:10 / 22:30 / 17:30/16:00/17:10/18/19:40 / 18:40/19? 22:20 / 21:20/19 23:00 +23:30 +20? 26:40 +23? 27:35/25? 25:30? 35:00? 32:30 & 27? 29:00+ +28? 30:30+ +33? 33:00 & 35:10 +35? 36:00 ? +35 +36? & 35? +36:30 ? 35 +36 +35 ? +37? #1)
Transcript
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00:00:00.000I was in the special class when I was 12.
00:00:03.000You know, the class for mentally slow people.
00:02:00.000Like he said, you'd be surprised how much of a job you can do in your head.
00:02:04.000Even if it's a repair around the house or something, or a project or an essay, you can write, you can write 90% of it in your head.
00:02:12.000And I noticed, I've taken that with me my whole life.
00:02:15.000Even my speech at my wedding, I had to do a bunch of shit like put flowers on a tree or, you know, little stupid little odd jobs, go get the kegs.
00:02:25.000And so I didn't have time to sit and write a speech.
00:02:28.000So I just wrote it as I, you know, said it out loud and worked on it as I was arranging flowers in a tree or whatever I was doing.
00:02:33.000I can't remember what that was exactly.
00:04:23.000I was in there because I was a class clown.
00:04:26.000I don't know why that's so bad, but I had trouble.
00:04:29.000I would do too much chatting as we went from class to class, so the main thing they said was he can't organize himself, he can't go from A to B, he's too chatty, and then also in class he's a class clown.
00:04:44.000Now, that's obviously true, but I had some great lines.
00:04:47.000For example, we had this teacher named Charlie Brown.
00:05:01.000This is the year before, so seventh grade.
00:05:03.000Or as they say in Canada, grade seven.
00:05:06.000And, uh, he said, look, I've got to read out this, uh, uh,
00:05:11.000Clothing thing the the dress code for the school and this was a bigger thing in the 70s But you guys don't really dress Provocatively, it's not like girls wear tube tops anymore or guys where you know cut off jeans with their balls hanging out He didn't quite say that So I feel redundant explaining this but they gave it to me so I got to read it out so he starts reading out what we can can't wear and it's all from the 70s and
00:05:36.000Ladies, you can't cut holes in the nipples of your clothes, you little kids.
00:05:41.000And I said, Mr. Brown, Mr. Brown, I'm sorry.
00:05:46.000Wouldn't it just be easier if we all came to school nude?
00:05:50.000And then he goes, thank you, Mr. McInnes.
00:05:54.000Why don't you start the trend if you're so enthusiastic about this idea?
00:05:57.000And then I looked around and went, ladies first.
00:06:02.000I still remember that as a slam dunk from 1981.
00:06:07.000Went out into the hallway, as was my uge.
00:06:10.000I told you this story, I'm sure you know this story, it's in my book.
00:06:13.000Where, um, we would play this game, it was like pre-hacky sack, we'd kick a piece of garbage in the air at lunch, and whoever let it fall, we would give them an atomic wedgie.
00:06:41.000And he, the principal's in there, it's only the vice-principal.
00:06:43.000And he goes, what's going on, Margaret?
00:06:44.000He's familiar with Maggie and her overreactions, apparently.
00:06:49.000And earlier, she'd said, what the hell are you doing?
00:06:52.000And we go, we're giving Colin an atomic wedgie, because he let the garbage fall.
00:06:56.000And that's when she goes, that's it, you two!
00:06:59.000And she says to the principal, vice principal, she goes, these two boys were trying to take a wedge of wood and insert it into a boy's anus.
00:07:14.000And then of course, thank God, the VP at Earl of March High School in Kanata, Ontario knew enough to say, it's called a wedgie, Margaret, it's not quite as literal as wedging a piece of wood into anyone.
00:07:53.000But anyway, the Vice Principal was happy to see us because we were punks and he was into Rod Stewart when he was younger and he dyed his hair, bleached his hair to be like Rod Stewart and he wanted to know how we did our hair because we both had like blonde mohawks.
00:08:05.000So we got along and I felt like that happened a lot when I would get detention and stuff or sent to the office because I was a pretty chill little dude.
00:09:57.000Holy shit, I just thought of something.
00:10:00.000What if Trevor Coles was murdered by Jim Gunn?
00:10:04.000So that's the part I didn't want to get to, but I think we have to address it now.
00:10:07.000So we had this kid Trevor Coles in the class, and he was a great little guy.
00:10:14.000I remember, it's one of my earliest, not one of my earliest memories, but it's strange that this really stuck with me.
00:10:21.000We used to play soccer in Canada in the summer, right, when there's no hockey?
00:10:25.000And I remember I was offside for whatever reason, and the parents were watching the game, and Trevor was on our team, and Trevor wiped out.
00:11:14.000Story goes Trevor got in with this bad kid who by the way had no curfew.
00:11:19.000Now as a side note that's always a good indicator.
00:11:22.000Remember Giuliani started busting people who jumped turnstiles and the next thing you know crime plummets because those guys ended up actually also being murderers and stuff.
00:11:32.000So I've noticed that kids without curfews tend to be trouble, because their parents tend not to give a shit about them.
00:11:40.000He was at his buddy's house, also in the 80s, and he was there because everyone else had to go home, and Jeff had no curfew, so he ended up at No Curfew Kid's house.
00:11:51.000I might be butchering the story, but I'm pretty sure that's how it goes.
00:11:55.000So he's at the bad kid's house, who doesn't have any rules either.
00:11:59.000And that kid busts out his dad's .22 rifle.
00:12:04.000And he's like, whoa, check it out, check it out.
00:12:06.000And Jeff goes, hey, man, that seems kind of dangerous.
00:14:10.000It was about a fat chick who there was some sort of secret about her.
00:14:13.000And she was the in crowd was going to tell everyone and just further ruin her her social standing, which probably wasn't great because it was the 80s.
00:14:22.000And, you know, there was in crowds and cheerleaders.
00:15:49.000Uh, and I hate that you're accusing me, sort of subliminally like through the class, of capitalizing on a man's death, a boy's death, so I could get some time off school.
00:17:11.000Who, who, who are you and what do you do?
00:17:14.000And I believe the game was, you sit in a giant box, you cut a hole in it, you put your penis in the hole, and then someone grabs your penis, and you say, who, who, who are you and what do you do?
00:17:28.000And then you say something like, I do a show called Get Off My Lawn on Sierra TV.
00:17:39.000They came to me and they go, you know, Eddie showed his penis.
00:17:42.000He was playing who, who, who are you and what do you do?
00:17:45.000Now, I remembered being that age and I remembered not just the Trevor Cole's thing, but the whole, the way your brain works back then, the deep shame you have when you do something.
00:17:55.000Maybe it's genetic and maybe it's a smart thing that God implanted in you where anything sexual freaks you the fuck out because they don't want you to get molested.
00:18:02.000But I, I remember, uh, with this kid that was on the corner, what the hell was his name?
00:19:39.000I didn't know we had a code of conduct for Stinson Avenue in Bell's Corners.
00:19:45.000And I remember lying in bed and praying to God, Jesus, please God, please can you give me a time machine and go back to before that moon and make it a tank?
00:20:44.000And then, the next time I came to visit, probably about six months later, my brother's there alone and he wants to go play with his friends and I go, well, tell them to come here.
00:20:53.000And he goes, uh, yeah, they're not allowed to come here.
00:22:01.000And we were doing it on a field trip with Mr. Gunn, and he caught us.
00:22:06.000Looking back in retrospect, it's weird that this rapist was so mad about pressing a ham.
00:22:11.000And by the way, the thing I was alluding to earlier, as it just occurred to me, it's possible that it wasn't the little boy who killed Trevor Coles, it was Jim Gunn.
00:22:21.000I mean, the guy was molesting kids about a hundred feet from where Trevor died, and he was being kind of bitchy about the funeral.
00:22:56.000Anyway, this is one of the funniest things that I've ever experienced.
00:23:01.000Mr. Gunn's screaming at us, and he goes, sort of like that mom, Jamie Beals, that was his name, Jamie Beals, sort of like Mrs. Beals, where he goes, we do not reveal our buttocks at Diabri Moody on the school bus!
00:23:56.000We were on the floor screaming and doing that thing where you're trying to grab air out of the sky and push it into your mouth because you're scared you're gonna suffocate.
00:24:38.000Exact same scenario, teacher yelled, silence, and then someone in the lineup goes, bah!
00:24:46.000And he, I'm sorry, I gotta say Mr. Shepard, this is at Bell's Corners Public School, he snapped.
00:24:51.000And I remember he picked up, I think it was my buddy Dale Aiken actually, he picked up the dude by his hair and lifted him off the ground and carried him into the classroom to scream at him.
00:25:02.000I could get away with a lot more back in the day.
00:25:08.000I remember in that same school, the same place Trevor Coles was killed, I was talking to Stephen Snipp, the guy who did the pressin' a ham joke, and he was an okay guy, sorta talked slow like Eeyore, and he always had snot on his fuckin' nose.
00:25:21.000That's the thing about being in a special class.
00:25:23.000It's like the X-Men, but instead of everyone having a power, everyone has a disability.
00:25:28.000So the guy, like Steve Zarath, seems like a good guy.
00:26:15.000But anyway, I'm sitting, it's the winter.
00:26:17.000So this creek, it's about five feet deep and it's running through our school.
00:26:22.000And I'm sitting there talking to Steven Snipp.
00:26:24.000And you know, it's just like a little kid, like you wipe the boogers and they now have a line that goes parallel to the sea level, but then two new troops show up to fill their place.
00:26:34.000So he always has a Hitler mustache or snot.
00:26:37.000And Grant Belford, oh shit, this is all coming back to me now.
00:28:46.000I go flying off the tree thing that I'm... It was one of those trees that sort of has bends in it, so it has a little built-in chair.
00:28:53.000So I go flying off the part I'm sitting on, hit the ice... I'm under the ice.
00:29:01.000Like in The Omen, where Damien punishes that kid in soccer and puts him under ice.
00:29:07.000So I'm under the ice, and I realize, I'm gonna fucking die.
00:29:10.000Exact same as the dollhouse, I get the superhuman strength and go, I'm crying again.
00:29:16.000Busted through the ice, and this is very thin ice obviously, if it's thin enough that I fall under it, smash it when I hit it, I'm obviously gonna be getting out easy.
00:33:12.000There's all the accents, and there's the working class accent and the upper class accent, but the Scots don't appear on that scale, because their accent is so different.
00:33:21.000So they're not part of the class system in London.
00:33:31.000And so I pull in old David McIntosh, the guy that I bullied in 19... So the time he walked into the creek would have been 82, and the time that we pull him
00:33:42.000into our gang is 85, which is only four years, but at that age it's 400 years.
00:34:03.000And he told me that he used to put- I remember he used to put lines on all the liquor bottles, like with a pen, so he could see if they had been taken down.
00:34:09.000And then he realized they were ta- me and my buddy, Peter, the same guy I told you about with the wedge of wood, he was pouring the liquor and then pouring water back to get it back up to the pen line.
00:34:18.000But uh, his dad started noticing that his- all his booze tasted like shit because it was 50% water.
00:34:24.000So then he ended up with an alcohol tester he had to buy, where he would dip it into these bottles and measure the alcohol.
00:34:31.000So anyway, this is before John caught on.
00:34:34.000By the way, John is the same guy as I mentioned in the other podcast, where my dad was yelling at him at their 50th anniversary, and he goes, John is to the left of Mayo!
00:36:25.000There was a Kanata overpass that went over a highway, and we used to have these bush bashes that were way out in the farmer's fields, and you had to walk for almost an hour to get to them.
00:36:35.000The cops would never bust it because they didn't want to bother walking through the woods.
00:36:40.000And when you're done the bush bash, you would go over the Kanata Overpass back into the suburbs.
00:36:45.000Although I heard one kid went out on the highway and was hit by a car and died and they don't have bush bashes anymore.
00:36:51.000But as an initiation in our gang, we would climb over the top of the Kanata Overpass, where if you fell, you would fall on the highway and die.
00:38:29.000I mean, this was all living in the same neighborhood, so you keep seeing these kids, you know, at all your different schools over the years.
00:38:35.000And everyone was beating him up, and he started crying.
00:39:41.000It was so spooky, you wished you were armed.
00:39:42.000And if you were armed, well, you would go to wethepeopleholsters.com, where you would get a customized holster that is heat-fitted to your gun.
00:40:22.000Someone's screaming at a Burger King, and you just watch them, and you watch the, you know, manager deal with it, and you think, if this gets crazy, I'm ready to rock.
00:40:31.000If anything, if anyone wants to come by and fuck with me, I'm ready to blow their head off, that must feel fantastic.
00:43:01.000The fact that the left keeps saying, actually, it's just a sexual preference is a very damning sign.
00:43:06.000That kind of shit makes me start to think that Satan is not a metaphor, and it's literally Satan getting involved in our society.
00:43:17.000Outside of those extreme cases, bullying is healthy, being bullied is healthy, kids making mistakes is healthy, it makes you who you are.
00:43:25.000And the fact that we're trying to stop boys from being boys, and trying to helicopter parent, and giving kids fucking medication.
00:43:31.000We're not just giving them medication for their behavior, we're giving them medication because they must be trans, and we're gonna delay puberty, because that's much healthier for them.
00:43:44.000And I think we all look back, with few exceptions, at all the blunders of our youth, and all the mistakes, and all the... I think a lot of us were bullies, and a lot of us, those same people, were bullied.
00:43:55.000You know, it's a myth that there was this bully throughout history, like throughout his entire scholastic career.
00:44:02.000I think he was bullied for a while, and then he was a bully, and then he was bullied, and then he was a bully.
00:44:17.000Like when your kids are at camp and you get a letter saying, I hate it here.
00:44:20.000Well, my first instinct is to jump in the car and come rescue you.
00:44:24.000But the only thing worse than a kid having a bad time at camp is going to rescue them and not knowing forever if that bad time was going to turn out to be a good time.
00:44:36.000Of course, this all comes back to libertarianism and the dangers of socialism, but that's another podcast for another time.
00:44:44.000And by the way, you need to go to CRTV.com and sign up using my name, Gavin.