Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - August 01, 2018


Get Off My Lawn Podcast #71 | I Was in the Special Class When I Was 12

Topics
pressing a ham joke Lord of the Flies mentality
Hosted by
Gavin McInnes
Mentioned
Trevor Coles James Gunn Jeff Jensen Dave McIntosh John Belushi Chris Prince Steven Snipp Charlie Brown Grant Belford Tammy Conkle Craig Fraser David Bloom Diabri Moody Jamie Balasia Gavin Tony That Bill Burr David McIntosh Jack Palance Rod Stewart and 31 more
Ep 163 | Lawfare | Get Off My Lawn Get Off My Lawn Podcast #72 | There's a funny thing happening in comedy

Episode Stats


Length

45 minutes

Words per minute

182.42

Word count

8,279

Sentence count

768

Harmful content

Misogyny

33

sentences flagged

Toxicity

174

sentences flagged

Hate speech

23

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, I talk about my time in the special class at my high school and how I became a genius. I also talk about the time I raped a 12 year old girl in class and how a dead kid helped me get a C+ in math. I hope you enjoy this episode and that it gives you a little insight into what it's like being a kid in a special class. I hope it makes you feel a little less dumb and makes you realize how amazing you are! If you like the podcast, please give a rating and review on Apple Podcasts, and if you don't, please leave a review and a review on iTunes. I'll be picking one lucky winner at random to win a free place on the next Shreddin8 program! Thanks so much for listening and supporting the podcast! Timestamps: 1:00 - I m a genius 2:30 - How I got a C in math 3:20 - How my teacher taught me how to do math 4:15 - How to write an essay 5:10 - What I did in class 6:40 - What my teacher did to me when I was a kid 7:00 8:20 9:00 | I m not a dumb kid 10:30 | I can do a lot 11:10 | I don t like math 12:20 | How to be a genius? 13:10 15:40 16:40 | How do you can do it? 17: I m going to get an A+ 18:30 19:00 / 16: How to do it better than that s a B+ 21:10 / 22:30 / 17:30/16:00/17:10/18/19:40 / 18:40/19? 22:20 / 21:20/19 23:00 +23:30 +20? 26:40 +23? 27:35/25? 25:30? 35:00? 32:30 & 27? 29:00+ +28? 30:30+ +33? 33:00 & 35:10 +35? 36:00 ? +35 +36? & 35? +36:30 ? 35 +36 +35 ? +37? #1)

Transcript

Transcripts from "Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 I was in the special class when I was 12.
00:00:03.000 You know, the class for mentally slow people.
00:00:07.000 But this was different.
00:00:08.000 This was 1982, when they could get away with stuff. 0.99
00:00:13.000 So, it wasn't just for dumb kids. 1.00
00:00:16.000 Though a good 70-80% were real, real stupid. 1.00
00:00:21.000 But they also treated it as sort of a, uh... 0.99
00:00:25.000 Sorry, I just ran up the stairs.
00:00:26.000 They treat it as a garbage heap for anyone that they didn't like or didn't want around. 0.99
00:00:33.000 So there was 80% dumb kids, but then just a bunch of weird kids and then also sick kids. 0.98
00:00:42.000 Like there was this girl in our class, this was Mr. Gunn's class, Diabri Moody, 1982, and she was dying of cancer. 0.96
00:00:53.000 Actually, one good thing about kids with cancer, there's not a lot, but one of them is their bodies are pretty tough.
00:01:00.000 So they have an incredible survival rate.
00:01:02.000 I know it breaks your heart to see bald kids, but know that they tend to bounce back.
00:01:06.000 They can take way more chemo than we can.
00:01:09.000 Anyway, this chick was taking some chemo! 1.00
00:01:11.000 She had on a bandana, no eyebrows, her grades were normal, B's and stuff, but I don't know.
00:01:19.000 Dying kids, I don't like seeing them. 0.99
00:01:20.000 Give them to Mr. Gunn.
00:01:21.000 James Gunn was his name.
00:01:24.000 He was a really good teacher.
00:01:26.000 Though I found out later he was molesting the kids.
00:01:28.000 So maybe not such a good teacher.
00:01:33.000 I should rephrase that.
00:01:34.000 He appeared to be a good teacher.
00:01:37.000 He was a Calgarian.
00:01:38.000 And in Canada, that's our redneck. 1.00
00:01:40.000 So he had cowboy boots on and he looked exactly like Jack Palance.
00:01:43.000 Go look him up.
00:01:45.000 And he had tons of grease in his hair.
00:01:48.000 Um, just like Jack Palance, too.
00:01:51.000 He wore cowboy boots and the same suit every day, and he was a farmer.
00:01:55.000 But he had educated himself by reading on the tractor.
00:01:59.000 He also taught me a lot.
00:02:00.000 Like he said, you'd be surprised how much of a job you can do in your head.
00:02:04.000 Even if it's a repair around the house or something, or a project or an essay, you can write, you can write 90% of it in your head.
00:02:12.000 And I noticed, I've taken that with me my whole life. 0.99
00:02:15.000 Even my speech at my wedding, I had to do a bunch of shit like put flowers on a tree or, you know, little stupid little odd jobs, go get the kegs. 0.98
00:02:25.000 And so I didn't have time to sit and write a speech. 0.99
00:02:28.000 So I just wrote it as I, you know, said it out loud and worked on it as I was arranging flowers in a tree or whatever I was doing.
00:02:33.000 I can't remember what that was exactly.
00:02:35.000 It was microphones.
00:02:36.000 And so by the time I was ready to write it down, I basically had it done.
00:02:40.000 You can do a lot in your head.
00:02:43.000 I got that from Gunn. 1.00
00:02:45.000 He didn't include you can rape girls that are 12. 0.99
00:02:50.000 That advice he kept to himself. 0.96
00:02:53.000 But there's also a dead kid involved in this story.
00:02:58.000 We'll get to that in a second.
00:02:59.000 So, in the class, there was this kid, like, this is a normal average student in Mr. Gunn's class when I was there.
00:03:05.000 His name was Brian.
00:03:06.000 Now, the way grades go in Canada is just 0 to 100.
00:03:09.000 So, 49 and down is an F.
00:03:10.000 50 is a pass.
00:03:10.000 60 to 70 is a C.
00:03:10.000 70 to 80 is a B.
00:03:12.000 80 to 100 is an A. And 79 would be a B+, 71 would be a B-, 75 is just a B. Got it?
00:03:16.000 Simple.
00:03:29.000 So he had a 13 in math, and his dad was gonna get him a bike if he could get that grade up to 27.
00:03:36.000 And I remember saying to him, this is a long-ass time ago, I remember being 12 and going, dude, 49, that's it.
00:03:45.000 Everything below 49 is a write-off.
00:03:47.000 You can have a 1, you can have a 49, they're exactly the same, they're both Fs.
00:03:53.000 And he didn't understand.
00:03:55.000 And I would sometimes, I'd get a B or a C, like I'd get a 68 or something in math.
00:04:01.000 And I remember they were just in awe of my skills.
00:04:04.000 Like, wow, Gavin, you're a genius.
00:04:08.000 You got a 68.
00:04:09.000 You got a C+.
00:04:11.000 How do you do it, man?
00:04:12.000 Well, I read about half of what I'm supposed to and I show up late and do some of the questions correctly.
00:04:20.000 Wow.
00:04:21.000 What's it like?
00:04:22.000 Do you have superpowers? 0.54
00:04:23.000 I was in there because I was a class clown.
00:04:26.000 I don't know why that's so bad, but I had trouble.
00:04:29.000 I would do too much chatting as we went from class to class, so the main thing they said was he can't organize himself, he can't go from A to B, he's too chatty, and then also in class he's a class clown.
00:04:44.000 Now, that's obviously true, but I had some great lines.
00:04:47.000 For example, we had this teacher named Charlie Brown.
00:04:50.000 Charles Brown.
00:04:51.000 But I didn't call him Charlie Brown because that's too easy.
00:04:53.000 That's like when you're in an argument with someone and you make it about their race or if they're fat or something. 0.78
00:04:57.000 That's lame.
00:04:59.000 So, we were sitting in class once.
00:05:01.000 This is the year before, so seventh grade.
00:05:03.000 Or as they say in Canada, grade seven.
00:05:06.000 And, uh, he said, look, I've got to read out this, uh, uh,
00:05:11.000 Clothing thing the the dress code for the school and this was a bigger thing in the 70s But you guys don't really dress Provocatively, it's not like girls wear tube tops anymore or guys where you know cut off jeans with their balls hanging out He didn't quite say that So I feel redundant explaining this but they gave it to me so I got to read it out so he starts reading out what we can can't wear and it's all from the 70s and 0.96
00:05:36.000 Ladies, you can't cut holes in the nipples of your clothes, you little kids. 1.00
00:05:41.000 And I said, Mr. Brown, Mr. Brown, I'm sorry. 0.99
00:05:46.000 Wouldn't it just be easier if we all came to school nude?
00:05:50.000 And then he goes, thank you, Mr. McInnes.
00:05:54.000 Why don't you start the trend if you're so enthusiastic about this idea?
00:05:57.000 And then I looked around and went, ladies first. 0.99
00:06:01.000 Pretty good, right?
00:06:02.000 I still remember that as a slam dunk from 1981.
00:06:07.000 Went out into the hallway, as was my uge.
00:06:10.000 I told you this story, I'm sure you know this story, it's in my book.
00:06:13.000 Where, um, we would play this game, it was like pre-hacky sack, we'd kick a piece of garbage in the air at lunch, and whoever let it fall, we would give them an atomic wedgie.
00:06:22.000 Rip the underwear right out. 1.00
00:06:24.000 This is now way later, this is in high school, so we're up to 85, 86.
00:06:26.000 And, uh,
00:06:30.000 The teacher grabs us, me and Peter, the punkest kids, grabs us and throws us upstairs into the office, the principal's office.
00:06:39.000 Shoves us!
00:06:41.000 And he, the principal's in there, it's only the vice-principal.
00:06:43.000 And he goes, what's going on, Margaret?
00:06:44.000 He's familiar with Maggie and her overreactions, apparently.
00:06:49.000 And earlier, she'd said, what the hell are you doing?
00:06:52.000 And we go, we're giving Colin an atomic wedgie, because he let the garbage fall.
00:06:56.000 And that's when she goes, that's it, you two! 0.97
00:06:59.000 And she says to the principal, vice principal, she goes, these two boys were trying to take a wedge of wood and insert it into a boy's anus. 0.98
00:07:11.000 And we both go, what?! ! 0.95
00:07:14.000 And then of course, thank God, the VP at Earl of March High School in Kanata, Ontario knew enough to say, it's called a wedgie, Margaret, it's not quite as literal as wedging a piece of wood into anyone.
00:07:30.000 It's not the year 700 in Germany.
00:07:32.000 They don't pack a mallet and a triangle of wood.
00:07:36.000 By the way, that would kill you.
00:07:37.000 There's a million capillaries down there.
00:07:39.000 You'd be severing a hundred tiny veins.
00:07:42.000 A hundred?
00:07:42.000 A thousand?
00:07:43.000 A million?
00:07:43.000 I don't know.
00:07:43.000 I've never really counted the veins on an anus before, but I'd imagine it's a shocking number.
00:07:50.000 Like 2700.
00:07:52.000 So no, we weren't doing that.
00:07:53.000 But anyway, the Vice Principal was happy to see us because we were punks and he was into Rod Stewart when he was younger and he dyed his hair, bleached his hair to be like Rod Stewart and he wanted to know how we did our hair because we both had like blonde mohawks.
00:08:05.000 So we got along and I felt like that happened a lot when I would get detention and stuff or sent to the office because I was a pretty chill little dude.
00:08:15.000 But anyway, when it came time
00:08:17.000 Oh, I actually remember in seventh grade, they thought I was a genius.
00:08:22.000 So we did like a Rorschach test thing, so I could be in an advanced class.
00:08:26.000 My dad was very excited about this.
00:08:27.000 That's my boy.
00:08:28.000 See that?
00:08:29.000 See my son?
00:08:30.000 See my ween? 0.99
00:08:32.000 He's a bloody genius, so he is. 0.70
00:08:35.000 And then they got the results of the, it wasn't just Rorschach, there was actual questions. 0.67
00:08:40.000 And I remember thinking, these are really hard.
00:08:43.000 It was like, you know, IQ test type stuff.
00:08:47.000 Maybe it was an IQ test, come to think of it.
00:08:49.000 Anyway, once I was, once I completed that, they combined it with the bad behavior and the class clowning.
00:08:55.000 The next thing you know, I'm not in the gifted class.
00:08:57.000 I'm in the opposite.
00:08:59.000 And what I find amazing about this class wasn't that, um, 0.96
00:09:05.000 That, uh, it was a bunch of class for retards. 1.00
00:09:08.000 It was that the other people there who, like there was this guy, Steve Zarth, and I think he was severely autistic.
00:09:16.000 And that guy would just, he couldn't look at you, right?
00:09:19.000 He was just a robot.
00:09:21.000 Excuse me.
00:09:25.000 But, um, he would stare at you.
00:09:28.000 I mean, sorry, he wouldn't look at you.
00:09:29.000 He'd sort of stare down at the ground.
00:09:30.000 I believe he had a 100 in math.
00:09:33.000 Now, to get a 100 in math, that's not an average.
00:09:36.000 That doesn't mean that you had a few 105s and a few 95s and they averaged out to 100.
00:09:42.000 It means you never got less than 100.
00:09:44.000 You can't go above 100, folks.
00:09:46.000 So he never got one thing wrong in mathematics. 1.00
00:09:49.000 The kid was a fucking genius. 0.99
00:09:51.000 But it seems weird, so he goes over to Mr. Gunn's class. 1.00
00:09:55.000 That's the end of that. 0.98
00:09:57.000 Holy shit, I just thought of something. 0.99
00:10:00.000 What if Trevor Coles was murdered by Jim Gunn? 0.99
00:10:04.000 So that's the part I didn't want to get to, but I think we have to address it now.
00:10:07.000 So we had this kid Trevor Coles in the class, and he was a great little guy.
00:10:14.000 I remember, it's one of my earliest, not one of my earliest memories, but it's strange that this really stuck with me.
00:10:21.000 We used to play soccer in Canada in the summer, right, when there's no hockey?
00:10:25.000 And I remember I was offside for whatever reason, and the parents were watching the game, and Trevor was on our team, and Trevor wiped out.
00:10:31.000 I don't know.
00:10:48.000 Parents, you know, acknowledge bravery.
00:10:51.000 It makes perfect sense now.
00:10:52.000 It sounds redundant now.
00:10:53.000 Yeah, of course, that's a brave little kid.
00:10:54.000 But when you're 11, you hear over here parents say that and you go, oh, so you shouldn't cry.
00:11:00.000 It's cooler just to get up.
00:11:01.000 And they notice that, do they?
00:11:03.000 They notice when you you buck up and you take it on the chin.
00:11:07.000 Cool.
00:11:08.000 All right.
00:11:09.000 I'm gonna start bucking up more.
00:11:12.000 Anyway,
00:11:14.000 Story goes Trevor got in with this bad kid who by the way had no curfew.
00:11:19.000 Now as a side note that's always a good indicator.
00:11:22.000 Remember Giuliani started busting people who jumped turnstiles and the next thing you know crime plummets because those guys ended up actually also being murderers and stuff. 0.98
00:11:32.000 So I've noticed that kids without curfews tend to be trouble, because their parents tend not to give a shit about them. 0.97
00:11:38.000 Like Jeff Jensen. 0.95
00:11:40.000 He was at his buddy's house, also in the 80s, and he was there because everyone else had to go home, and Jeff had no curfew, so he ended up at No Curfew Kid's house.
00:11:51.000 I might be butchering the story, but I'm pretty sure that's how it goes.
00:11:55.000 So he's at the bad kid's house, who doesn't have any rules either.
00:11:59.000 And that kid busts out his dad's .22 rifle.
00:12:04.000 And he's like, whoa, check it out, check it out.
00:12:06.000 And Jeff goes, hey, man, that seems kind of dangerous.
00:12:08.000 You should probably put that down. 1.00
00:12:09.000 He goes, ooh, I'm going to shoot you, Jeff. 1.00
00:12:11.000 I'm going to shoot you. 1.00
00:12:12.000 And Jeff's like, yeah, I don't like this game. 1.00
00:12:17.000 I think that it's only a matter of time.
00:12:19.000 And then the kid goes white as a ghost.
00:12:22.000 Oh, my god. 0.51
00:12:24.000 He shot Jeff right through the center of his chest with a .22.
00:12:30.000 By some stroke of magic, it missed his esophagus, his lungs, his heart, all that stuff.
00:12:36.000 Just went... right out the back. 0.92
00:12:39.000 And obviously Jeff was bleeding like a stuck pig.
00:12:42.000 They got him to the hospital.
00:12:43.000 He started praying to Jesus.
00:12:44.000 He wasn't particularly religious, but he started praying to Jesus.
00:12:47.000 Please don't let me die.
00:12:48.000 Please don't let me die.
00:12:49.000 Please, I'll be a Christian for the rest of my life.
00:12:52.000 He gets to the hospital.
00:12:53.000 They fix him.
00:12:53.000 He's still a Christian to this day, and he's my age.
00:12:56.000 Um, I think he got a bunch of money for that too, so he never really got a job.
00:13:00.000 Yeah, because it happened in the kid's home, so it goes under home insurance.
00:13:07.000 Isn't that weird?
00:13:08.000 I bet they didn't think of that when they were signing up for home insurance.
00:13:12.000 What if a tree falls on us?
00:13:13.000 What if we get squirrels?
00:13:14.000 And obviously, what if our son shoots a boy through the chest? 0.97
00:13:19.000 So, Trevor got in with this bad curfew kid, this bad kid who had porno mags, and, uh, 0.95
00:13:27.000 I think he became, the bad kid became paranoid because Trevor showed him, he showed Trevor his porno mags that were under his bed. 0.99
00:13:34.000 Maybe some of them were gay. 0.97
00:13:36.000 And Trevor was freaked out. 0.78
00:13:40.000 We were 11.
00:13:41.000 And I believe Trevor sort of went, oh man, that's real bad.
00:13:44.000 You're not supposed to have that.
00:13:45.000 That's bad stuff.
00:13:46.000 You shouldn't be doing that.
00:13:52.000 And so I think he got really scared.
00:13:58.000 One of the best articles ever in the history of Rolling Stone is called Death of a Cheerleader.
00:14:02.000 I actually bought it on eBay.
00:14:04.000 So I could have it because I had a subscription to Rolling Stone back when it was good when I was a little kid.
00:14:08.000 And that story haunted me forever.
00:14:10.000 It was about a fat chick who there was some sort of secret about her. 1.00
00:14:13.000 And she was the in crowd was going to tell everyone and just further ruin her her social standing, which probably wasn't great because it was the 80s.
00:14:22.000 And, you know, there was in crowds and cheerleaders. 0.99
00:14:25.000 I don't think it's like that anymore. 0.97
00:14:26.000 But anyway, the fat chick murdered the cheerleader with a knife because she didn't want the word to get out. 1.00
00:14:31.000 And I think this may have been a similar case with Trevor. 0.92
00:14:34.000 Where the boy was scared of being outed as an owner of pornography and... Oh, I have a great story for you!
00:14:46.000 So, as an owner of pornography, so... He killed Trevor.
00:14:54.000 He murdered an 11 year old boy.
00:14:57.000 And at the same school I was just talking about, Diabri Moody, Trevor was found drowned in the creek.
00:15:04.000 And the weird part is, his pants were up, but his underwear was down.
00:15:09.000 Underneath the pulled up pants.
00:15:10.000 So, it looks like he was molested? 0.87
00:15:13.000 Raped? 0.97
00:15:13.000 Uh, I don't know what. 0.97
00:15:16.000 But that was it for Trevor.
00:15:18.000 Dead.
00:15:18.000 And I remember Mr. Gunn saying to our- this Island of Misfit Toys that was the special class.
00:15:23.000 Um, it was uh, he said um,
00:15:28.000 He said, look, I know a lot of you want to go to this funeral because you want to get time off.
00:15:32.000 He had kind of a gruff voice.
00:15:33.000 I know a lot of you want to go to this funeral so you can get some time off.
00:15:36.000 Unless you were friends with Trevor, then you're not going to the funeral. 1.00
00:15:41.000 And I remember thinking, fuck you, bitch. 1.00
00:15:44.000 I remember thinking, I'm not going to his funeral. 1.00
00:15:47.000 I don't want to go to his funeral.
00:15:49.000 Uh, and I hate that you're accusing me, sort of subliminally like through the class, of capitalizing on a man's death, a boy's death, so I could get some time off school. 1.00
00:16:00.000 Fuck you! 1.00
00:16:00.000 That kind of formed my whole attitude of, you know what, I don't want to be part of your club. 1.00
00:16:05.000 Fuck your club. 1.00
00:16:06.000 I'd rather die. 1.00
00:16:07.000 That's kind of, I could tell I had the Scottish DNA in me back then, because I was rejecting that instantly. 0.99
00:16:16.000 Which, by the way, happens all the time in business.
00:16:18.000 This whole, like, Me Too thing with this guy said he had to blow me... blow... I had to blow him.
00:16:23.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:16:25.000 In New York City, when you're in business, you deal with that with gays all the time. 1.00
00:16:29.000 You know, if you'd fucked me, you would have had this contract. 0.99
00:16:31.000 And you laugh and go, oh well, I guess I won't get the contract. 1.00
00:16:35.000 You might even go out for beers with that gay guy later. 0.99
00:16:39.000 You just laugh in his face. 0.99
00:16:41.000 Because he suggested something that is prostitution, and you're not a prostitute. 0.99
00:16:46.000 So you just laugh and say, no, you don't sue him for $20 million.
00:16:49.000 You shrug it off.
00:16:53.000 Anyway, so that was horrible.
00:16:56.000 It reminded me of a story.
00:16:59.000 When my brother was maybe like eight or nine, I think I was staying at my parents' house in the basement.
00:17:06.000 I can't remember what I was working on.
00:17:07.000 I think I was a cartoonist then.
00:17:09.000 And I heard them going,
00:17:11.000 Who, who, who are you and what do you do? 1.00
00:17:14.000 And I believe the game was, you sit in a giant box, you cut a hole in it, you put your penis in the hole, and then someone grabs your penis, and you say, who, who, who are you and what do you do? 0.99
00:17:28.000 And then you say something like, I do a show called Get Off My Lawn on Sierra TV. 1.00
00:17:32.000 And they go, that's Gavin! 1.00
00:17:34.000 So that's their idiotic game, right? 1.00
00:17:37.000 And uh, 1.00
00:17:39.000 They came to me and they go, you know, Eddie showed his penis. 0.99
00:17:42.000 He was playing who, who, who are you and what do you do? 0.98
00:17:45.000 Now, I remembered being that age and I remembered not just the Trevor Cole's thing, but the whole, the way your brain works back then, the deep shame you have when you do something. 0.95
00:17:55.000 Maybe it's genetic and maybe it's a smart thing that God implanted in you where anything sexual freaks you the fuck out because they don't want you to get molested. 0.52
00:18:02.000 But I, I remember, uh, with this kid that was on the corner, what the hell was his name? 0.96
00:18:09.000 Shoot, I forgot his name.
00:18:11.000 Anyway, he was, he, Lee Gratton was it?
00:18:14.000 He lived on the corner of our street.
00:18:16.000 This is, I'm going back now to 1978.
00:18:19.000 And, uh, he said, he was going home and I said, see you later, dude.
00:18:24.000 And he's like, see you, man.
00:18:25.000 And he, he, he pretends he has a bow and arrow and he pulls an arrow out from behind him and he pulls back and he goes, like, peace. 0.59
00:18:33.000 And he shot me with the arrow.
00:18:34.000 And I go, see you later, dude. 0.80
00:18:35.000 And I pull out my gun that doesn't exist.
00:18:37.000 And I go,
00:18:39.000 And then he goes, see you later, dude.
00:18:41.000 And he has a machine gun and he goes... Why women can't do that sound, I'll never understand. 1.00
00:18:48.000 And then I go, see you later, dude.
00:18:50.000 And I have a bazooka and... RPG.
00:18:55.000 He gets blown up.
00:18:56.000 And then he goes, see you later, dude.
00:18:58.000 And he has a jet fighter.
00:19:04.000 And then I go, my last one is...
00:19:07.000 And then I go, yeah, see you later, dude.
00:19:09.000 I was thinking about doing a tank, doing a long like... But I thought, I have an even funnier one.
00:19:16.000 And I pulled out my pants and I mooned him.
00:19:18.000 And I said something like... His mother came out.
00:19:24.000 And she was pissed.
00:19:27.000 And she started screaming at me. 0.99
00:19:29.000 What the hell are you doing? 0.90
00:19:30.000 You don't show your bare bottoms on Stinson Avenue. 0.99
00:19:33.000 How dare you?
00:19:35.000 How dare you? 0.91
00:19:37.000 And it scared the crap out of me. 0.91
00:19:39.000 I didn't know we had a code of conduct for Stinson Avenue in Bell's Corners.
00:19:45.000 And I remember lying in bed and praying to God, Jesus, please God, please can you give me a time machine and go back to before that moon and make it a tank?
00:19:54.000 Why didn't I do a tank goodbye?
00:19:56.000 I'm so gross. 0.74
00:19:57.000 I'm such a weirdo. 0.99
00:19:59.000 I'm such a pig. 0.99
00:20:00.000 Why did I show my bum bum? 0.99
00:20:02.000 Meanwhile, it's been streaker central ever since.
00:20:06.000 I have absolutely no shame.
00:20:08.000 I remember being a little kid and being uncomfortable like in the changing rooms and my dad would get so pissed. 0.99
00:20:12.000 Oh, don't be ridiculous! 1.00
00:20:14.000 Just change your bloody swimsuit! 1.00
00:20:17.000 And I think he overdid it because now I'll just walk down the street totally nude. 1.00
00:20:19.000 Couldn't give less of a shit. 1.00
00:20:22.000 Anyway, um... 0.99
00:20:24.000 When they came to me, those kids, and said that, I thought, I don't want these kids to go through what I went through.
00:20:30.000 So I said, guys, don't worry about it.
00:20:31.000 Just stop doing that. 1.00
00:20:32.000 It's a stupid game. 1.00
00:20:34.000 But don't beat yourself up about it. 1.00
00:20:35.000 It's no big deal.
00:20:35.000 I don't want to hear anything about it anymore.
00:20:37.000 Go play or play soccer or something.
00:20:40.000 It's not a big deal.
00:20:44.000 And then, the next time I came to visit, probably about six months later, my brother's there alone and he wants to go play with his friends and I go, well, tell them to come here.
00:20:53.000 And he goes, uh, yeah, they're not allowed to come here.
00:20:57.000 And I go, what?
00:20:58.000 Why?
00:20:59.000 And he goes... 1.00
00:21:01.000 They told their parents that you said it's okay for little boys to show their penis. 1.00
00:21:08.000 Jesus Christ. 0.99
00:21:10.000 Game of telephone lost in translation.
00:21:13.000 No, that's not what I was getting at.
00:21:17.000 That Bill Burr has a bit about that.
00:21:18.000 He goes, remember little kids?
00:21:21.000 Hey, I'm Bill Burr. 0.99
00:21:23.000 My Bill Burr sucks. 0.99
00:21:25.000 Uh, he said, I used to like them. 1.00
00:21:26.000 Hey, little drunk guys, like little drunk guys.
00:21:28.000 Now I don't want to go near them.
00:21:30.000 Get that away from me, kid.
00:21:34.000 When those kids came in, I just sort of went, get out of here!
00:21:40.000 It reminds me of a story, by the way.
00:21:42.000 So that was like eight.
00:21:43.000 So by the time I was 12 in Mr. Gunn's class, I must have been over it because we were pressing hams. 1.00
00:21:50.000 Are you familiar with pressing a ham?
00:21:51.000 That's when you put your butt cheeks up against the window of the school bus and you really flatten them.
00:21:58.000 So people see this flattened moon.
00:22:01.000 And we were doing it on a field trip with Mr. Gunn, and he caught us. 0.90
00:22:06.000 Looking back in retrospect, it's weird that this rapist was so mad about pressing a ham.
00:22:11.000 And by the way, the thing I was alluding to earlier, as it just occurred to me, it's possible that it wasn't the little boy who killed Trevor Coles, it was Jim Gunn. 0.96
00:22:21.000 I mean, the guy was molesting kids about a hundred feet from where Trevor died, and he was being kind of bitchy about the funeral.
00:22:29.000 I don't know.
00:22:30.000 I assume they had a mountain of evidence on that kid.
00:22:33.000 You can't look this up, too, because it's 80s, so it's all on microfiche.
00:22:38.000 But I'd love to know more about that story.
00:22:39.000 Sometimes I meet someone who's, you know, my generation from that part of town, and they remember it all vividly.
00:22:45.000 I always get more details every time I bring up the story.
00:22:49.000 She came and did a talk at the school.
00:22:49.000 The poor mother.
00:22:51.000 Oh, my God. 1.00
00:22:53.000 Can you fucking imagine? 0.98
00:22:56.000 Anyway, this is one of the funniest things that I've ever experienced. 0.98
00:23:01.000 Mr. Gunn's screaming at us, and he goes, sort of like that mom, Jamie Beals, that was his name, Jamie Beals, sort of like Mrs. Beals, where he goes, we do not reveal our buttocks at Diabri Moody on the school bus!
00:23:16.000 That is not something we do!
00:23:19.000 We do not show our bare bottoms and push them against the glass of the school bus!
00:23:24.000 And there's dead silence on the bus.
00:23:25.000 This is the best time to deliver a joke.
00:23:28.000 And not me, unfortunately.
00:23:29.000 I wish I could take credit for this.
00:23:30.000 But some other kid in the class.
00:23:32.000 Probably Steven Snipp.
00:23:33.000 He said, uh... It's called pressing a ham, Mr. Gunn.
00:23:40.000 The amount of laughter in that bus after Stephen Snipp broke the silence with It's Called Pressin' a Ham, Mr. Gun was crippling.
00:23:52.000 We were dying.
00:23:54.000 It was a massacre.
00:23:56.000 We were on the floor screaming and doing that thing where you're trying to grab air out of the sky and push it into your mouth because you're scared you're gonna suffocate.
00:24:03.000 Like, I can't breathe!
00:24:04.000 I can't breathe! 1.00
00:24:05.000 And that made him mad, but he knew he couldn't discipline 30 screaming, laughing kids, so it was just a fuck you to him. 1.00
00:24:11.000 God, that was a great moment. 0.99
00:24:12.000 It reminds me of the time we had this teacher.
00:24:17.000 I want to call him Mr. Shepard, but that doesn't make any sense.
00:24:21.000 But it was maybe fourth grade. 0.99
00:24:24.000 And we're all in the lineup, and someone was being stupid and making jokes, and this kid goes, he goes, look at you! 0.99
00:24:31.000 Look at you all laughing like that! 0.99
00:24:33.000 One person does something and you all have to do it!
00:24:36.000 You're all a bunch of sheep!
00:24:38.000 Exact same scenario, teacher yelled, silence, and then someone in the lineup goes, bah! 0.97
00:24:46.000 And he, I'm sorry, I gotta say Mr. Shepard, this is at Bell's Corners Public School, he snapped.
00:24:51.000 And I remember he picked up, I think it was my buddy Dale Aiken actually, he picked up the dude by his hair and lifted him off the ground and carried him into the classroom to scream at him.
00:25:02.000 I could get away with a lot more back in the day. 0.97
00:25:08.000 I remember in that same school, the same place Trevor Coles was killed, I was talking to Stephen Snipp, the guy who did the pressin' a ham joke, and he was an okay guy, sorta talked slow like Eeyore, and he always had snot on his fuckin' nose. 0.92
00:25:21.000 That's the thing about being in a special class.
00:25:23.000 It's like the X-Men, but instead of everyone having a power, everyone has a disability.
00:25:28.000 So the guy, like Steve Zarath, seems like a good guy.
00:25:32.000 Can't look you in the eyes.
00:25:32.000 Great at math.
00:25:34.000 Or there was this other kid, Tony.
00:25:35.000 Normal kid.
00:25:36.000 What are you doing in this class, Tony?
00:25:37.000 I have hemophilia.
00:25:40.000 And if we punched him in the arm, he said, guys, don't do that.
00:25:43.000 Don't punch me.
00:25:44.000 Because I have to get a blood test every time you do it, and it's $80.
00:25:48.000 And I remember just holding his arm, and we'd just be pounding him in the arm going, whoa, we're really racking up a bill, ain't we, Tony?
00:25:54.000 Bang, bang, bang. 0.89
00:25:56.000 Very sensitive children in Canada, very concerned about everyone else's well-being.
00:26:00.000 Like the cancer chick, we didn't even care.
00:26:02.000 I guess in a way, that was kind of good.
00:26:05.000 That we're just, we didn't really understand the magnitude of that girl having cancer.
00:26:10.000 We're just like, that's a bald chick. 1.00
00:26:11.000 She seems nice.
00:26:15.000 But anyway, I'm sitting, it's the winter.
00:26:17.000 So this creek, it's about five feet deep and it's running through our school.
00:26:22.000 And I'm sitting there talking to Steven Snipp.
00:26:24.000 And you know, it's just like a little kid, like you wipe the boogers and they now have a line that goes parallel to the sea level, but then two new troops show up to fill their place.
00:26:34.000 So he always has a Hitler mustache or snot. 0.99
00:26:37.000 And Grant Belford, oh shit, this is all coming back to me now. 0.99
00:26:42.000 Alright, I have a confession to make. 0.97
00:26:45.000 So, uh, when I was about 11, uh, I was at a friend's house, and I said, check this out, I think I could fit in that dollhouse.
00:26:53.000 I was very flexible.
00:26:55.000 And I got in this dollhouse with my knees by my ears, and I managed to fit my entire body inside a plastic, empty dollhouse.
00:27:04.000 And that was impressive, right?
00:27:06.000 You got inside a tiny box, but I was feeling kind of claustrophobic.
00:27:09.000 And then they start, the guys start rolling it around!
00:27:13.000 And I didn't know these kids very well.
00:27:15.000 And they're starting to roll it near stairs. 0.99
00:27:17.000 And I'm thinking, I'm going to fucking die here. 1.00
00:27:20.000 These idiots are going to roll me down the stairs and kill me. 1.00
00:27:22.000 And I'm like, get off! 1.00
00:27:23.000 Get off! 0.99
00:27:24.000 I'm freaking out, screaming in the doll's house. 0.89
00:27:26.000 Screaming out of a little tiny window, I guess.
00:27:31.000 Like the window John Belushi looked in in Animal House.
00:27:34.000 That's my, instead of hot girls having a pillow fight, it's my face screaming, stop! 1.00
00:27:38.000 Stop! 1.00
00:27:40.000 And eventually my panic got so intense that I had superhuman strength and I went, and opened all five walls.
00:27:47.000 One, two, three, four, five.
00:27:48.000 Yeah, four walls in the roof.
00:27:51.000 Ripped it to shreds and ran out crying.
00:27:55.000 Now that's not good.
00:27:57.000 I ran out, ran back home crying. 0.97
00:27:59.000 And now you're a crybaby.
00:28:01.000 So at the beginning of the next year, those guys were like, that's that guy who was crying in the dollhouse. 1.00
00:28:05.000 Let's go fuck with him. 0.99
00:28:07.000 So, Grant Belford gets a good run, maybe like a hundred feet from that tree that I'm sitting on. 1.00
00:28:13.000 I'm sorry, that tree.
00:28:14.000 I haven't told you anything.
00:28:15.000 There's a creek that goes through the school.
00:28:17.000 Same creek Trevor was murdered in.
00:28:19.000 And it goes down about four feet deep.
00:28:22.000 And, uh, you know, I don't know.
00:28:24.000 We would jump over.
00:28:25.000 There's a bridge there.
00:28:26.000 When the ice was solid, you might go on it, but this was sort of November, October, where the ice was about a quarter inch thick.
00:28:33.000 You couldn't stand on it. 0.99
00:28:35.000 And I'm sitting on a tree that leans over the creek, and me and Steven's snot face are just shooting the shit. 0.99
00:28:41.000 And out of nowhere, I feel this body check. 0.99
00:28:43.000 Grant has checked me.
00:28:45.000 Like hockey.
00:28:46.000 I go flying off the tree thing that I'm... It was one of those trees that sort of has bends in it, so it has a little built-in chair.
00:28:53.000 So I go flying off the part I'm sitting on, hit the ice... I'm under the ice.
00:29:01.000 Like in The Omen, where Damien punishes that kid in soccer and puts him under ice. 0.99
00:29:07.000 So I'm under the ice, and I realize, I'm gonna fucking die. 0.84
00:29:10.000 Exact same as the dollhouse, I get the superhuman strength and go, I'm crying again. 0.97
00:29:16.000 Busted through the ice, and this is very thin ice obviously, if it's thin enough that I fall under it, smash it when I hit it, I'm obviously gonna be getting out easy.
00:29:25.000 But now I'm delirious. 0.99
00:29:26.000 It's fucking winter. 0.99
00:29:27.000 It's freezing. 0.99
00:29:28.000 So I start crawling.
00:29:29.000 I can't walk.
00:29:30.000 I start crawling towards the school, crippling cold Canadian winds on my drenched body.
00:29:35.000 I was underwater.
00:29:37.000 100% underwater.
00:29:38.000 So now I'm crawling from the creek back to the school and everyone's laughing.
00:29:42.000 And Grant Belford comes up to me.
00:29:46.000 I'll never forget this, Grant, if you're out there.
00:29:49.000 And he says, after committing attempted murder, he goes, what's the matter, Gavin?
00:29:56.000 You gonna catch pneumonia? 1.00
00:30:00.000 Can you believe that shit? 1.00
00:30:00.000 Dude, help me get to the office. 1.00
00:30:04.000 I'm dying.
00:30:08.000 Anyway, I realize I'm gonna be a marked man.
00:30:10.000 I gotta turn this around.
00:30:15.000 I remember there was a student, I can't remember his name.
00:30:17.000 But I think he was just some random dude I decided to pick on to flip the bully script.
00:30:24.000 And I can't remember how it started, but I was quite an agile young lad, and I remember running at this guy and jumping over him.
00:30:33.000 So I think it was from behind. 0.99
00:30:36.000 And I ran at him, put my hands on his back, and jumped right over his body to fuck with him for some reason. 1.00
00:30:42.000 And then the guys, the Grant Belford gang, was like, yeah, dude, that's awesome. 0.99
00:30:46.000 You're cool now.
00:30:47.000 And then I shoved the kid and he punched me in the face, which I was not expecting.
00:30:54.000 And then I went, and I swung without looking.
00:30:58.000 I swung my arm back like, get away.
00:30:59.000 And.
00:31:03.000 Later, I was the hero and the bad kids that the bullies, the guys that were bullying me wanted me on their team.
00:31:07.000 This is pure Lord of the Flies in 1982.
00:31:09.000 We got these poor kids.
00:31:11.000 They're all stuck in a classroom of misfit toys.
00:31:14.000 You got people dying of cancer.
00:31:15.000 You got hemophiliacs and autistic people. 0.99
00:31:17.000 They go outside. 0.99
00:31:18.000 There's this Lord of the Flies mentality where it's kill or be killed.
00:31:21.000 It was all ultimately healthy, by the way.
00:31:24.000 And then the idea that in 2018, these parents want to change that and rescue these kids is just, well, it's naive.
00:31:33.000 So anyway, I find out later that I delivered a great punch and sent him flying.
00:31:40.000 Not flying, but that flailing arm thing I did with just throwing it to the back, it hit him in the face.
00:31:47.000 And I think he was crying.
00:31:49.000 So I'm good now.
00:31:49.000 So now I'm with the bullies.
00:31:51.000 Oh, awesome. 1.00
00:31:52.000 These are the dicks who almost killed me in a dollhouse. 0.99
00:31:54.000 I had no real honor back then. 1.00
00:31:55.000 I was 12.
00:31:57.000 And I remember there was this poor kid, David McIntosh.
00:32:00.000 We actually took him in later, in high school.
00:32:03.000 But he was a nerd.
00:32:05.000 He's probably a billionaire today. 1.00
00:32:07.000 But they decided to pray, Lord of the Flies, Piggy has the conch shell, let's go kill him. 0.99
00:32:12.000 So we grab David and we're gonna throw him in the same creek that I was thrown in. 0.99
00:32:16.000 And now I'm the thrower.
00:32:18.000 And David, being a genius, he goes, oh, you mean like this?
00:32:21.000 And he walks into the creek up to his waist and he stands there going, you mean like this?
00:32:27.000 And they go, they didn't know what to do.
00:32:28.000 They sort of went, oh, yeah, I guess that's what we were going to make you do.
00:32:32.000 And then I said, I'm not proud of this, but I was like, Dave, just run out, go away, like run the other way and run away from these guys.
00:32:41.000 I think I felt horrible guilt after that.
00:32:43.000 And in the next high school,
00:32:46.000 When we were cool and we were half punks and half mods and we called ourselves the monks and we weren't in the in crowd.
00:32:51.000 We had developed our own little satellite that wasn't part of the school's hierarchy.
00:32:55.000 It was quite ingenious.
00:32:57.000 And then I said, let's do something cool.
00:33:00.000 Let's start pulling in outcasts. 1.00
00:33:03.000 I guess I was trying to recreate Mr. Gunn's class.
00:33:05.000 So although we were kind of, not necessarily cool, but weird enough that we, we had, it was all sort of like Scotland.
00:33:10.000 If you're in Britain, 0.98
00:33:12.000 There's all the accents, and there's the working class accent and the upper class accent, but the Scots don't appear on that scale, because their accent is so different.
00:33:21.000 So they're not part of the class system in London.
00:33:24.000 They're just like Scottish people. 0.99
00:33:25.000 It's almost like they're Americans, like they're a different breed. 1.00
00:33:29.000 So that's what we were.
00:33:31.000 And so I pull in old David McIntosh, the guy that I bullied in 19... So the time he walked into the creek would have been 82, and the time that we pull him
00:33:42.000 into our gang is 85, which is only four years, but at that age it's 400 years.
00:33:51.000 So we would drink.
00:33:52.000 I told you before we'd just take a little bit from every person's liquor cabinet.
00:33:56.000 I actually met a guy, John, a friend of my dad's.
00:33:59.000 I was friends with his kids.
00:34:03.000 And he told me that he used to put- I remember he used to put lines on all the liquor bottles, like with a pen, so he could see if they had been taken down.
00:34:09.000 And then he realized they were ta- me and my buddy, Peter, the same guy I told you about with the wedge of wood, he was pouring the liquor and then pouring water back to get it back up to the pen line. 0.92
00:34:18.000 But uh, his dad started noticing that his- all his booze tasted like shit because it was 50% water.
00:34:24.000 So then he ended up with an alcohol tester he had to buy, where he would dip it into these bottles and measure the alcohol.
00:34:31.000 So anyway, this is before John caught on.
00:34:34.000 By the way, John is the same guy as I mentioned in the other podcast, where my dad was yelling at him at their 50th anniversary, and he goes, John is to the left of Mayo!
00:34:44.000 Instead of Mao.
00:34:45.000 He pronounced Mao Mayo.
00:34:46.000 Something I thought about for 24 hours straight afterwards.
00:34:49.000 But anyway.
00:34:51.000 So we're drinking our jungle juice, which is wine and slow gin and whiskey and vodka.
00:34:56.000 I could barf just talking about what we used to drink as kids.
00:34:59.000 And we had this girl in our gang, Tammy Conkle. 1.00
00:35:03.000 K-O-N-K-L-E. 1.00
00:35:05.000 Very funny chick. 1.00
00:35:07.000 So we allowed her to hang out with the dudes because she was like Sarah Silverman kind of vibes.
00:35:11.000 I actually looked her up on Facebook.
00:35:13.000 She's aging very well.
00:35:15.000 And
00:35:16.000 So she was funny and witty and kind of laid back, sardonic humor.
00:35:21.000 And Dave fell in love with her.
00:35:24.000 And then, you know, he gets nervous and he starts chugging the jungle juice.
00:35:30.000 And we're on the Kanata Overpass and Dave's on all fours, projectile vomiting and crying and saying, Tammy, I love you.
00:35:39.000 Tammy, I love you! 0.99
00:35:41.000 I fucking... No, probably not fucking. 0.99
00:35:43.000 I love you more than anything! 0.99
00:35:45.000 I love you to the moon and back, Tammy!
00:35:49.000 And that's the moment I realized that you can't mess with the space-time continuum.
00:35:54.000 Dave was meant to be in his scene and have his mathletes thing.
00:35:58.000 We were meant to be in our scene.
00:36:00.000 Neri, the two should meet.
00:36:02.000 You can't have crossover. 0.97
00:36:04.000 If it happens naturally, and like a fat black guy wants to join your heavy metal gang, then let it happen naturally. 1.00
00:36:10.000 But to go out and pluck someone from another scene and bring them into your scene... 0.98
00:36:15.000 Bad news.
00:36:18.000 It did not work out well.
00:36:23.000 We also had this guy, Chris Prince.
00:36:25.000 There was a Kanata overpass that went over a highway, and we used to have these bush bashes that were way out in the farmer's fields, and you had to walk for almost an hour to get to them.
00:36:35.000 The cops would never bust it because they didn't want to bother walking through the woods.
00:36:40.000 And when you're done the bush bash, you would go over the Kanata Overpass back into the suburbs.
00:36:45.000 Although I heard one kid went out on the highway and was hit by a car and died and they don't have bush bashes anymore. 1.00
00:36:50.000 Thanks, jerk. 0.99
00:36:51.000 But as an initiation in our gang, we would climb over the top of the Kanata Overpass, where if you fell, you would fall on the highway and die. 1.00
00:37:00.000 I can't believe we did it.
00:37:01.000 I did it myself, but I crawled on my stomach.
00:37:03.000 It took me like an hour.
00:37:05.000 And I would just sort of go one inch at a time.
00:37:08.000 I still shiver when I think about it.
00:37:10.000 But Chris Prince wanted to be in our gang so bad, he brought his BMX up to the top of the bridge.
00:37:17.000 The Canada Overpass is like an encapsulated bridge.
00:37:21.000 It's covered in, it's like a bridge, but it also has a plexiglass roof over it.
00:37:24.000 So you can go there in the rain in the winter and all that.
00:37:28.000 He got on his BMX bike and rode his bike over the top.
00:37:32.000 One false move and he would have plummeted to his crippling death.
00:37:38.000 But even Chris, I don't think he was meant to be there.
00:37:42.000 I remember being in another mean gang.
00:37:44.000 This is in, now, Bell's Corners Public School.
00:37:46.000 This is the same time where they picked up that kid, dragged him by the hair for being a sheep.
00:37:51.000 And I think we started a gang called the Falcons.
00:37:55.000 This is back in the age where a man, a boy would play with Smurfs and it wasn't embarrassing.
00:38:00.000 And so we decided we'd start a gang that fights crime.
00:38:04.000 And I wanted to be called Wolfgang.
00:38:06.000 I still think that's a really good name.
00:38:08.000 I stand by it.
00:38:08.000 We could have cool jackets with wolves on them.
00:38:10.000 Fucking Mike Reed made us the Falcons, which I think is in some stupid kid's book, so it wasn't even original. 0.99
00:38:17.000 Anyway, I think we started just picking on kids after a while. 0.99
00:38:21.000 This is now, I'm talking about like I'm seven, so this would be 1977.
00:38:26.000 And Chris Prince, the same guy.
00:38:29.000 I mean, this was all living in the same neighborhood, so you keep seeing these kids, you know, at all your different schools over the years.
00:38:35.000 And everyone was beating him up, and he started crying.
00:38:38.000 He goes, no one likes me!
00:38:38.000 I don't have any friends!
00:38:40.000 Sitting on the ground covered in like dust and dirt.
00:38:42.000 It was a big, we had a big dirt kind of a back thing where it was like the desert back there.
00:38:48.000 That was most of the school grounds.
00:38:50.000 And then Mike Reed, the same guy who came out with the Falcons, goes, I'll be your friend, Craig.
00:38:54.000 And then he just left the gang and became best friends with Craig Frazer.
00:38:59.000 No, Chris Prince, sorry.
00:39:00.000 Craig Frazer was another guy.
00:39:02.000 Craig Frazer was the kid.
00:39:03.000 Now I'm just babbling.
00:39:05.000 Where we go to a party at his house, and we're all 13, 14, and he starts showing faces of death.
00:39:12.000 My dad was pissed when he found that out.
00:39:14.000 You know what Faces of Death is, right?
00:39:15.000 It's a VHS tape that was going around in the 80s that showed people actually dying.
00:39:20.000 Like a cop getting eaten by an alligator and someone eating monkey brains.
00:39:27.000 It's a horrible thing.
00:39:28.000 Now it's pretty normal.
00:39:29.000 It's all LiveLeak stuff.
00:39:31.000 All you kids see that every day and go, oh cool, her head fell off. 0.99
00:39:37.000 But back then it was spooky.
00:39:41.000 It was so spooky, you wished you were armed.
00:39:42.000 And if you were armed, well, you would go to wethepeopleholsters.com, where you would get a customized holster that is heat-fitted to your gun.
00:39:52.000 A tight, so fit.
00:39:54.000 I ruined it again!
00:39:55.000 A fit so tight, it'll make you ruin your wife. 1.00
00:39:59.000 There we go.
00:39:59.000 Well delivered, Gav.
00:40:02.000 It has an adjustable Canton ride, so us chubbies can hold the gun any way we want.
00:40:07.000 I'm well on my way to getting my concealed carry, by the way.
00:40:10.000 I've got two sponsors signed up.
00:40:12.000 I need two more.
00:40:14.000 And everywhere but Manhattan, I will be armed to the teeth with a gun.
00:40:19.000 That's gonna feel... I can't imagine how good that feels.
00:40:21.000 It must feel great.
00:40:22.000 Someone's screaming at a Burger King, and you just watch them, and you watch the, you know, manager deal with it, and you think, if this gets crazy, I'm ready to rock. 0.99
00:40:31.000 If anything, if anyone wants to come by and fuck with me, I'm ready to blow their head off, that must feel fantastic. 0.99
00:40:38.000 Not that I want to kill anyone. 1.00
00:40:39.000 It's nice to know that if someone tries to kill you, they will die. 0.98
00:40:45.000 And yeah, there's $34.
00:40:46.000 If you use the passcode GAVIN, it goes down to $24.
00:40:48.000 You can get anything you want on the side.
00:40:51.000 You can get a pair.
00:40:54.000 You could have the book Global Woman by Barbara Ehrenreich.
00:40:57.000 That could be on the side.
00:40:58.000 You could have Ban the Second Amendment.
00:41:01.000 Guns kill people. 0.90
00:41:02.000 You could get that kid from the shooting in Florida with the skinny arms, David Hogg. 0.97
00:41:07.000 Get him on your holster.
00:41:09.000 Just sort of pointing at you in a bad boy kind of way.
00:41:13.000 I hate guns.
00:41:15.000 Get the head of that grassroots organization, Moms Against Guns. 1.00
00:41:19.000 Get her on your holster. 0.99
00:41:22.000 That's way better than the American flag.
00:41:23.000 Look, we know when you have a gun, you're pro-2A, you're pro-America. 0.63
00:41:28.000 That's not funny.
00:41:30.000 Get the mom from Moms Against Guns, or David Bloomberg, or Maxine Waters.
00:41:35.000 Get Maxine Waters on your WeThePeopleHolsters.com holster. 1.00
00:41:43.000 So anyway, what's the moral of all this?
00:41:46.000 I guess the moral is that childhood can be pretty rough.
00:41:53.000 It can be horrible.
00:41:54.000 There's this girl, Kim.
00:41:55.000 I lost my virginity to her, actually.
00:41:57.000 I don't know.
00:42:16.000 It showed her not to trust people and that you're pretty darn vulnerable when you're nude.
00:42:21.000 Just like when I was in that dollhouse.
00:42:23.000 Why did I leave myself so vulnerable?
00:42:25.000 That's not smart.
00:42:27.000 So we both learned a lesson there where we always should be on our guard and never hand someone the keys to your life.
00:42:34.000 And I think helicopter parenting, I understand the motive.
00:42:38.000 You know, you don't want poor Dave McIntosh to be standing in the creek.
00:42:42.000 You obviously don't want Trevor Coles to die.
00:42:45.000 You don't want the girls in that classroom to be molested by Mr. Gun.
00:42:49.000 Yes.
00:42:51.000 And we should work to prevent that.
00:42:52.000 The kids should have curfews.
00:42:53.000 There should be parameters. 1.00
00:42:55.000 We should fucking murder any teacher who molests a kid. 1.00
00:42:59.000 Just murder all pedophiles. 1.00
00:43:00.000 That's a given right there, right? 1.00
00:43:01.000 The fact that the left keeps saying, actually, it's just a sexual preference is a very damning sign. 0.99
00:43:06.000 That kind of shit makes me start to think that Satan is not a metaphor, and it's literally Satan getting involved in our society. 0.99
00:43:17.000 Outside of those extreme cases, bullying is healthy, being bullied is healthy, kids making mistakes is healthy, it makes you who you are. 1.00
00:43:25.000 And the fact that we're trying to stop boys from being boys, and trying to helicopter parent, and giving kids fucking medication. 0.93
00:43:31.000 We're not just giving them medication for their behavior, we're giving them medication because they must be trans, and we're gonna delay puberty, because that's much healthier for them. 0.99
00:43:42.000 That's scary.
00:43:44.000 And I think we all look back, with few exceptions, at all the blunders of our youth, and all the mistakes, and all the... I think a lot of us were bullies, and a lot of us, those same people, were bullied.
00:43:55.000 You know, it's a myth that there was this bully throughout history, like throughout his entire scholastic career.
00:44:02.000 I think he was bullied for a while, and then he was a bully, and then he was bullied, and then he was a bully.
00:44:06.000 We all went through that.
00:44:07.000 Ups and downs, figuring it out.
00:44:09.000 And I think the challenge as a parent is making sure your kids are safe,
00:44:14.000 But also, letting them make mistakes.
00:44:17.000 Like when your kids are at camp and you get a letter saying, I hate it here.
00:44:20.000 Well, my first instinct is to jump in the car and come rescue you.
00:44:24.000 But the only thing worse than a kid having a bad time at camp is going to rescue them and not knowing forever if that bad time was going to turn out to be a good time.
00:44:36.000 Of course, this all comes back to libertarianism and the dangers of socialism, but that's another podcast for another time.
00:44:44.000 And by the way, you need to go to CRTV.com and sign up using my name, Gavin.
00:44:50.000 I think it brings it from $90 to $80.
00:44:53.000 Whatever it is, you get $10 off.
00:44:54.000 It costs about $10 a month.
00:44:56.000 And you get Get Off My Lawn
00:45:00.000 It's about, on average, three and a half times a week.
00:45:02.000 CRTV Tonight, that's the talk show we shoot on a big fancy set.
00:45:06.000 It's always very funny and never serious.
00:45:09.000 And then After Hours, where I sit down with someone in a Dave Rubini kind of way and do like a half hour talk.
00:45:16.000 This Friday we got Dinesh D'Souza, who's got a movie in theatres August 4th, where he proves beyond a shadow of a doubt
00:45:23.000 Okay?
00:45:23.000 Okay.