Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - August 10, 2018


Get Off My Lawn Podcast #74 | I Think You Have X-Amount of "Chi" In You Per Day

Topics
Vice TV pitch to HBO New Yorks Spike Jonze and Lost in Translation purple mattress
Hosted by
Gavin McInnes
Mentioned
Johnny Knoxville Got Steve-O Spike Jonze Luke Wilson Jeffrey Trump Steve Owen Adderall Graham Parsons Steve-O. So Stevo Derek Beckles Philip Kaufman Fred Armisen Nudie Cohen Peter Thiel John Waters Spike Lee Aquaman Danny Show and 37 more
Ep 167 | Info Wars Special | Get Off My Lawn Ep 168 | Trump Derangement Syndrome | Get Off My Lawn

Episode Stats


Length

45 minutes

Words per minute

182.64

Word count

8,377

Sentence count

788

Harmful content

Misogyny

30

sentences flagged

Toxicity

155

sentences flagged

Hate speech

29

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Nothing's free, kiddies. Nothing's free. You have to pay the piper. It's not just energy and productivity you can borrow from tomorrow, you can also joy. And if you do a lot of coke the next day, you're gonna be depressed. You can't be the life of the party if you don't have a good night's rest the night before, and you can't do anything the day after if you're not getting enough REM sleep. That's when your organs start getting threadbare. And that's when those underwear you have for 12 years looks like it's made of lace. This is if you wear tighty-whities in your pants. I don't know what that means, but it's probably not a good thing. You don't want to be a guy with a nubby dick, you want it to be big, right? But women don't really care about that. They don't care about a guy's dick. They care about his balls. And they don't even care that he has a big dick. And he doesn't even have a nice one. And his dick is 7.2 inches. And it doesn't get bigger than that. And women don t even care about it. They're not turning on by it, they just want him to be fat. And a guy who can be bald. And doesn't want his balls to be ugly. And can he be fat? And he can be ugly? And a woman who wants to be beautiful? And can be beautiful, but doesn't care? And has a nice dick? And wants to have a great dick? And he's not even a little bit of dick? How big is too big for that? And his balls are too big to be sexy, but he wants them to be nice? And they're not even that big? And they like it? What does he want them to like it, you know what I mean by a woman with a dick that's bigger than a 7-inch dick? He doesn't have one that's not much? ? I'll tell you what, he does not give a shit about it, he's got a nice, big dick, and he's just not enough dick. . . . and he doesn t care about them. . You can have a dick like that, he just wants them in bed with a nice little dick. He doesn t need them.

Transcript

Transcripts from "Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 I think you have X amount of chi in your day.
00:00:04.000 And that's it.
00:00:07.000 For me personally, I have two things.
00:00:09.000 So if I did an interview, I could do, uh, could go up for a meeting, talk to a lawyer or something.
00:00:16.000 And then I couldn't do a show that night.
00:00:18.000 You can really, you can have two major accomplishments a day.
00:00:21.000 If you write an article, you can maybe do a video.
00:00:24.000 That's it.
00:00:26.000 I prepared a show for Monday today, and I'll do this podcast, and then I'm not going to be too social tonight.
00:00:34.000 Adderall is different, obviously.
00:00:35.000 You can do tons of stuff.
00:00:38.000 But I don't think you can do tons of stuff the next day, especially if you don't take more Adderall.
00:00:42.000 You youngsters, you keep taking it, robbing from Peter to pay Paul.
00:00:48.000 Nothing's free, kiddies.
00:00:49.000 I know you love your socialism, but you gotta pay the piper at some point.
00:00:53.000 This is what drunks do, too. 0.98
00:00:55.000 They'll get shit-faced, and then they'll feel their hangover, and they'll go, I'm not doing this hangover, and they'll get drunk again, and they never pay the piper. 0.99
00:01:02.000 Well, your liver's paying the piper. 0.99
00:01:03.000 You're gonna get cirrhosis, he says as he opens a beer.
00:01:10.000 But, um, I remember seeing William Shatner on a talk show years ago, and he said, the thing about drugs is you're just borrowing from tomorrow, and he's pretty much correct.
00:01:19.000 If you do tons of coke and you're the life of the party, you're gonna be depressed the next day.
00:01:23.000 You can even borrow happiness.
00:01:24.000 It's not just energy and productivity you can borrow from tomorrow, but you can also borrow joy.
00:01:30.000 So if you do a big night of cocaine, on Sunday you're depressed.
00:01:35.000 That was the reason that band the Happy Mondays were called the Happy Mondays, because they were depressed on Monday after doing MDMA all weekend.
00:01:46.000 I think Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is on Adderall. 0.97
00:01:50.000 When you look at her eyes and she looks like she's Gollum from Lord of the Rings.
00:01:54.000 Hello my precious.
00:01:56.000 She's got the socialist mentality of I'll just keep doing Adderall and I'll never pay the piper. 1.00
00:02:02.000 But you have to pay.
00:02:04.000 Nothing's free.
00:02:06.000 Like these you youngsters who do Adderall every day all day.
00:02:11.000 REM sleep.
00:02:13.000 Jim Goad terminated this.
00:02:14.000 REM sleep is when your organs repair.
00:02:17.000 All the cells rebuild.
00:02:18.000 Now you've got some important organs.
00:02:19.000 You have a brain and a heart, skin and other stuff, whatever.
00:02:24.000 But if you're not getting REM's, then those organs are getting threadbare. 0.89
00:02:30.000 You know when those underwear you have for 12 years and the butt crack looks like it's made of lace?
00:02:36.000 This is if you wear a tighty-whities.
00:02:37.000 Sometimes I tend to overestimate how many people wear tighty-whities.
00:02:40.000 I remember Not Gay Jared was on my show and I knew he was traveling so he had some underwear, right? 0.94
00:02:44.000 You're a traveler.
00:02:46.000 And I had peed my pants the night before.
00:02:48.000 And so I said, dude, I'm not, I'm going, uh, uh, what's it called?
00:02:52.000 Combat?
00:02:52.000 I'm going bare bones.
00:02:55.000 I'm going bare penis in my pants. 1.00
00:02:58.000 I'm going militant bare bones, I believe it's called. 1.00
00:03:01.000 And he goes, oh yeah, I don't care, here.
00:03:03.000 And I assumed he had a disposable bag of, like if you open my underwear drawer, it just looks like someone barfed out some Hanes.
00:03:10.000 So I'd grab some of his barf.
00:03:12.000 And he had these athletic, it looked like Aquaman's, why did I say it like that?
00:03:17.000 Aquaman's uniform.
00:03:19.000 And it had different colours for the whitey tighty part, and the pattern on it, and red band, and it was like boxer shorts, but boxer briefs and all that stuff, like you wanna be sexy.
00:03:31.000 Women are not turned on by men, okay?
00:03:34.000 You know what turns a woman on? 1.00
00:03:35.000 A guy with an Audi and a briefcase who's ambitious.
00:03:38.000 He can be bald, he can be fat. 0.92
00:03:40.000 They don't want him to be hideous. 1.00
00:03:41.000 And penis size, same thing. 1.00
00:03:42.000 Within range. 0.99
00:03:43.000 Like, you don't want it to be a nub. 1.00
00:03:45.000 But women don't really care. 1.00
00:03:47.000 When women are alone, they don't go, this cock is above 7.2 inches. 1.00
00:03:51.000 That's something Howard Stern says. 1.00
00:03:54.000 Yeah, how big's your dick? 1.00
00:03:55.000 Yeah, that's really affecting your social life. 1.00
00:03:57.000 Again, micropenis, major problem.
00:03:59.000 Otherwise, no one really cares. 0.99
00:04:01.000 And even a huge dick, girls are like, that's kind of a funny novelty. 1.00
00:04:05.000 Like, say he had green eyes or something. 1.00
00:04:06.000 It doesn't really get them out of bed in the morning.
00:04:11.000 But, yeah, Adderall, you're doing that to yourself.
00:04:13.000 You're thread-bearing your brain and your heart, and I think that's how Michael Jackson eventually died.
00:04:18.000 Because he never was asleep.
00:04:19.000 I don't think he really slept for 13 years.
00:04:23.000 He would go into a state of torpitude, like ants do.
00:04:26.000 Ants don't sleep.
00:04:27.000 They just sort of slow down for certain parts of the day.
00:04:29.000 I think that's what he would do.
00:04:30.000 He'd probably lie on the couch, close his eyes, and his heart would only be pounding at, say, a million miles a minute.
00:04:40.000 But...
00:04:41.000 I personally am.
00:04:42.000 Two things a day.
00:04:44.000 And it's funny that we have this 40-hour work week.
00:04:46.000 I think we've evolved to go, let's just do 40 hours.
00:04:48.000 That seems to work.
00:04:50.000 I think if someone has total freedom, like they're a billionaire, they tend to sort of feel good about 40 hours, two major things a day.
00:04:56.000 Now, computers have made us more productive, but we still work 40 hours a week.
00:05:02.000 So it's not the actual work that we're basing all this on.
00:05:05.000 We're just going, I don't know, I feel like, get in there at 9, do a thing, have a lunch,
00:05:11.000 Talk to someone, joke around, then come back, do another thing, and then go home.
00:05:16.000 Two things a day.
00:05:17.000 Morning thing and afternoon thing.
00:05:18.000 That's what humans expect of other humans, and I think it's because it's natural.
00:05:22.000 Adderall changes all that, and it's dangerous.
00:05:28.000 Did I tell you?
00:05:29.000 I think, uh...
00:05:32.000 Johnny Knoxville introduced me to Adderall.
00:05:34.000 I put on Jackass the other night to show my eldest boy.
00:05:38.000 He didn't really laugh that hard.
00:05:40.000 I think it's a little crude.
00:05:41.000 There's a lot of sex jokes and stuff.
00:05:43.000 I kind of regretted putting it on actually.
00:05:45.000 I didn't read the parental IMDB.
00:05:47.000 My wife did. 0.96
00:05:49.000 But there's a lot of gay stuff. 0.75
00:05:51.000 It actually kind of reminded me of
00:05:54.000 The Proud Boys and The Origin, like even the name, like Steve Owen, the other guy, Chris Pontius started Wild Boys after the show.
00:06:02.000 That's where they do all their gay stuff, where they dance around in little G-strings. 1.00
00:06:08.000 Skaters are very machismo because you have to be tough to be able to do kickflip, all the kickflips all day and smash your ankles and go down a railing and get a concussion.
00:06:17.000 So you end up with fairly tough dudes and not a lot of women around.
00:06:21.000 And when you have tough dudes and a lot of women around, the joke tends to be the gay joke. 1.00
00:06:25.000 That tends to be, there's like two jokes that are going to beat the shit out of you and I'm going to fuck you. 1.00
00:06:29.000 That's kind of what we revolve around. 1.00
00:06:31.000 Now recently we've had that taken away, both of those taken away from us. 0.96
00:06:34.000 And comedians are left with raping children jokes. 1.00
00:06:36.000 But even my dad would tell me when they'd go on these hunting outings or a golf outing, they would always come down and they would pretend they had trouble walking because they were fucked in the ass so hard all night. 1.00
00:06:47.000 And my dad would come down and go, I don't think I can sit down. 0.99
00:06:51.000 I may have to stand for this breakfast.
00:06:54.000 Oh boy! 0.69
00:06:57.000 So, young boys don't really get the gay joke that much. 0.85
00:07:02.000 They don't realize how funny it is to be gay. 1.00
00:07:08.000 But, um, yeah, Knoxville used to do them like candies. 1.00
00:07:12.000 And back when I would do them, I think I had a 20 milligram that I would break in half, maybe do 10 or 5.
00:07:19.000 And I would do it in the mornings at 7am with a coffee. 0.99
00:07:23.000 And that nailed me to kick ass all day. 0.98
00:07:25.000 And then come home and be a super dad. 0.99
00:07:27.000 See, I said two things, right?
00:07:30.000 You're not, if you're a dad, you're not done at 5 or 6 or 7.
00:07:33.000 Well, in New York, it's 8 p.m.
00:07:34.000 at the end of the day.
00:07:35.000 And that's kind of sad because New York dads will work from, you know, 9 to 8 p.m.
00:07:40.000 And they only see their kids on the weekends.
00:07:44.000 It's almost as little as a divorced dad, but the template for America is meant to be five or six, right? 0.99
00:07:51.000 So you come home and the kids, your wife is like, get these fucking things away from me. 1.00
00:07:54.000 She's been playing with them all day. 1.00
00:07:56.000 So you have to, you know, get on my back and be the monster. 1.00
00:07:59.000 That's tiring when you're stupid like me and you had kids way too late in life. 1.00
00:08:03.000 So normally I just want to stare at the ceiling and lie nude on the floor, but you got to get up there and, okay, I'm a monster. 1.00
00:08:13.000 And Adderall helped with that so much that me and my fellow dads used to call it Dadderall.
00:08:18.000 And I told someone from the Times back when I had much more trust in the media about it, and they kept wanting to do a feature on it, but none of the other dads wanted to, uh, to talk to anyone about it.
00:08:30.000 It's potentially illegal.
00:08:33.000 I got most, Johnny Knoxville taught me how to get it too.
00:08:36.000 He used to send them to me and he would do like 80 milligrams a day.
00:08:40.000 I think he was enamored with Johnny Cash, probably still is, and I think he loved the idea of speed.
00:08:48.000 In fact, that just made me think of something trippy.
00:08:53.000 Johnny Knoxville was in a movie called Grand Theft Parsons, and it was based on Graham Parsons, who was a great country singer, but Graham Parsons also brought in psychedelia and noodling guitars and weird, almost Grateful Dead kind of rock and Lynyrd Skynyrd stuff, electric boogie kind of stuff, into country.
00:09:16.000 I don't know.
00:09:34.000 I think Nudie Cohen, that wasn't his real name, I think he was a Ukrainian Jew who came over, you know, World War II time, his family, and he was just a very gifted embroiderer.
00:09:44.000 So it started out just tons of really cool patterns, and country singers would like that on stage.
00:09:50.000 I'm standing up on stage and my cowboy hat has a bunch of rhinestones on it, and there's a bunch of little patterns and flowers and stuff all down my legs.
00:09:57.000 But then he would start taking requests, so Graham Parsons wanted pot leaves and pills on his Nudie suit.
00:10:04.000 It's a very deceiving misnomer there, nudie.
00:10:08.000 It's the opposite of nudie.
00:10:09.000 It's very dressed up.
00:10:11.000 And so he'd wear these suits and be high and make great music.
00:10:17.000 And he wasn't around for long.
00:10:18.000 I think he was in that band.
00:10:19.000 Going up the country, see what we can do.
00:10:22.000 I believe he was in that band.
00:10:25.000 Anyway, he had a pact with his tour manager.
00:10:28.000 Whichever one of us dies, I want to be buried by the Joshua Tree.
00:10:34.000 And they go, OK, deal.
00:10:35.000 Handshake.
00:10:35.000 This is all a true story, by the way.
00:10:38.000 And they shake their hands.
00:10:39.000 And this is back when men were men.
00:10:42.000 And so he dies.
00:10:43.000 And he goes, I have to take the body.
00:10:45.000 I'm going to bury it by the Joshua Tree.
00:10:46.000 We have a handshake deal with him.
00:10:48.000 And everyone goes, yeah, no, you're not doing that.
00:10:51.000 The family says that.
00:10:52.000 Who are you again?
00:10:53.000 His tour manager?
00:10:55.000 No, we're having a funeral where we're all going to cry and stuff like that.
00:10:58.000 So I think his name was something like Phil McKenzie.
00:11:01.000 Of course, he's got to be Scottish, right?
00:11:04.000 And so they bury Graham Parsons.
00:11:07.000 And that's it. 0.98
00:11:09.000 And Phil Kaufman, I guess he was Jewish, that was his name, he goes, screw this, man. 1.00
00:11:16.000 I have a deal. 0.99
00:11:17.000 I made a deal with this dead guy.
00:11:19.000 So he bribes people and, you know, people at the graveyard.
00:11:23.000 He digs them up.
00:11:25.000 Puts his body in the back of his fancy hearse and drives him to the Joshua Tree and has his own little ceremony with his stolen Parsons and buries him there.
00:11:35.000 So it's an amazing true story and Johnny Knoxville loves all that stuff.
00:11:41.000 PJ Clap is his name.
00:11:42.000 PJ, his friends call him.
00:11:45.000 So PJ
00:11:48.000 He plays the role of Phil Kaufman in the movie. 0.97
00:11:51.000 But if you watch this movie, it sucks because PJ is terrible in it. 0.88
00:11:56.000 He's high out of his mind on 80 milligrams of Adderall in every scene. 1.00
00:12:01.000 So it looks like someone is putting an electric cattle prod up his asshole in every scene. 1.00
00:12:07.000 He makes Alexandra Cortese-Ortiz look like Cheech and Chong. 1.00
00:12:13.000 His eyeballs are golf balls.
00:12:14.000 Take a golf ball and with a sharpie draw a tiny circle on the top.
00:12:18.000 That was Johnny Knoxville's eyes So bad, dude Had to tell him that after I saw but anyway He got me into it and he said this is what you do you say I'm having trouble focusing at work
00:12:36.000 It's affecting not just my job, but my marriage.
00:12:39.000 I tried Ritalin.
00:12:40.000 It did not work.
00:12:42.000 That's so he doesn't give you that.
00:12:43.000 And I would like to do Adderall.
00:12:46.000 I tried that and it worked well for me.
00:12:48.000 Now you've sort of painted the doctor in a corner where to not give it to you means you're not helping him.
00:12:54.000 That violates their oath. 0.95
00:12:56.000 The hypocritical oath. 0.97
00:12:58.000 So, I tried that a few times. 0.97
00:13:00.000 It worked okay.
00:13:02.000 It's really expensive.
00:13:03.000 And then I found a corrupt doctor up on Park Avenue.
00:13:10.000 He was a weird dude, man.
00:13:11.000 So Park Avenue in New York is where all the multi-millionaires and billionaires live.
00:13:16.000 Peter Thiel lives there.
00:13:18.000 And it's all these old New Yorkers, old school money.
00:13:21.000 And one of the things I love about America and North America in general is there's not a lot of old money.
00:13:25.000 It's not like Britain where there's lords and sirs and what's-your-last-name.
00:13:30.000 I like nouveau riche.
00:13:30.000 That's my favorite kind of riche.
00:13:32.000 They've got the biggest, funnest boats that you can jump off of, and you don't have to remember where your right cutlery spoon is.
00:13:38.000 But this is one of the rare instances where America has old money.
00:13:42.000 All the old oil barons and the relatives of P.T.
00:13:45.000 Barnum.
00:13:46.000 My neighbor upstate is, uh... I think he invented vaudeville or something.
00:13:52.000 Anyway, um... I mean, the house, the builder of the house 200 years ago.
00:13:56.000 So anyway... Excuse me, that's gross.
00:13:59.000 Uh... Um...
00:14:02.000 And I didn't blank.
00:14:03.000 I hate when you guys think I blank.
00:14:04.000 That's so embarrassing.
00:14:06.000 So yeah, he's forced to give it to you. 0.77
00:14:08.000 But then I found this corrupt doctor on Park Avenue.
00:14:11.000 And, uh, he was always high on opioids. 0.91
00:14:13.000 I wonder if he's dead now.
00:14:14.000 But I would go there and I wouldn't even say my spiel.
00:14:17.000 I'd start the spiel and he'd go, what do you want?
00:14:20.000 And I'd go, well, I have a very high tolerance.
00:14:22.000 So I want 80 milligram pills.
00:14:25.000 And I'm gonna need like a, that's a month's subscription.
00:14:28.000 So 30, 80 milligrams.
00:14:30.000 Now I'm a 5 to 10 kind of guy. 0.99
00:14:32.000 So that bitch lasted a long ass time, and I vowed I wouldn't do it on the weekends. 1.00
00:14:35.000 I always said this is an office supply. 1.00
00:14:39.000 And, uh, drunk dudes, friends of mine would always be like, let's get some of your Adderall, man!
00:14:44.000 It's 11pm!
00:14:45.000 I'm like, oh no!
00:14:47.000 That's, you're talking about raiding the office supply room.
00:14:51.000 I don't want to drink liquid paper.
00:14:52.000 I don't want to have printed ink.
00:14:55.000 I don't want to start chewing on pencils, eating keyboards.
00:14:58.000 No, dude.
00:14:59.000 We're not doing that.
00:15:00.000 We'll be up all night and eventually, you know, they'd break or they'd get it from someone else and they would be up all night and then they'd have AIDS the next day.
00:15:08.000 I had kids.
00:15:09.000 I had a baby.
00:15:10.000 I guess my eldest was a baby back then.
00:15:16.000 So I go into his office, get the money, and, uh, he was the weirdest dude.
00:15:21.000 He had, like, a tight sweater on and snowboard pants.
00:15:25.000 And he was walking around like Eeyore with AIDS.
00:15:29.000 Um, slowly moping.
00:15:31.000 One time, I left and came back.
00:15:35.000 No, my wife, I was with my wife.
00:15:36.000 She, she did it too.
00:15:38.000 And she forgot her umbrella.
00:15:40.000 So I run back in to get her umbrella. 0.99
00:15:42.000 And there's a black tranny standing up. 1.00
00:15:45.000 And he's sitting on his waiting room couch for some reason, and he's holding her hand, and he's like, I don't understand you. 0.96
00:15:56.000 There's a black accent here in New York, in Harlem and in East New York, that's so thick, you can't understand them. 1.00
00:16:03.000 I remember Baystick Man, he was saying when he was in prison.
00:16:06.000 And then, you know, they transferred me to this one prison where I was one of the only white guys there, and these dudes were so black, you couldn't understand them. 0.99
00:16:16.000 Like it was 80% slang.
00:16:18.000 Crackalackin' or whatever we're talking about. 1.00
00:16:23.000 So I would stay at his place in LA.
00:16:25.000 We're back to Knoxville now.
00:16:29.000 I would stay at his place in LA.
00:16:32.000 And then, I blew it by getting- See, I would do Adderall, and he's a busy guy, right?
00:16:37.000 So there'd be two tabs on the counter, there's beer in the fridge, and there's a VHS tape of rodeo bloopers in the TV.
00:16:47.000 I'm talking about now, 2001.
00:16:48.000 No, maybe 2003.
00:16:48.000 Early 2000s.
00:16:55.000 So you're doing Adderall, drinking beer, and maybe some whiskey, and you're watching guys get killed by bulls, and you end up getting really, really wasted.
00:17:03.000 Three hours later, I'm high as a kite, and I don't appear wasted because of the Adderall.
00:17:09.000 So I'm ready to rock!
00:17:11.000 And then he comes back and he says, hey, hide in this box.
00:17:18.000 No, I'm going to hide in this box.
00:17:20.000 It was a box a video game came in, like a stand-up video game.
00:17:22.000 And then you get my daughter, my wife, to come upstairs and say that you have a surprise.
00:17:26.000 And then I'll jump out of the box.
00:17:28.000 And now my eyeballs are golf balls.
00:17:30.000 I'm Alexandria Cortez.
00:17:32.000 And so I bring them upstairs.
00:17:33.000 And he jumps out.
00:17:34.000 And they go, whoa.
00:17:35.000 And then they look at me. 0.93
00:17:35.000 And I'm just going, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, like a crazy person. 0.93
00:17:41.000 So that didn't work.
00:17:43.000 And then, uh, we keep hanging out and we eventually, so I go, I gotta get out of here, dude.
00:17:51.000 So we go to, uh, that place Lemmy used to go to, the Rainbow Room, I think it's called, and we meet Stevo there.
00:17:57.000 So it's me, Jeff Tremaine, who every time I see him, I'm reminded that he won Sexiest Eyes in high school.
00:18:04.000 And Stevo shows up with his new girl, and he- Stevo's a very upy-downy guy.
00:18:08.000 I think he's pretty even-keel right now, but back in the 2000s months, he'd be a lunatic.
00:18:16.000 And then other months, he'd be getting it together.
00:18:19.000 He's finally got a girlfriend.
00:18:20.000 He's not wasted.
00:18:22.000 It's looking good.
00:18:23.000 But Jeff Tremaine does a perfect Steve-O.
00:18:27.000 So, Steve-O goes up to the bar, and he's with, you know how, like, drug addicts, when they get clean, it's, they always have the clingiest girlfriend in the world, and they spend 24 hours holding hands?
00:18:38.000 So, it was one of those relationships at the time, and he goes up to get a drink from the bar, and she has to go with him, of course.
00:18:45.000 And, uh, he, Dummy leaves his phone there.
00:18:48.000 So, Jeff Tremaine
00:18:51.000 He calls all of Steve-O's ex-girlfriends and says, Hey Sandy, it's Steve-O.
00:18:57.000 I'm not doing a very good Steve-O.
00:18:59.000 I'm at Rainbow Room.
00:19:01.000 Yeah man, I really miss you.
00:19:04.000 I want you to come by.
00:19:05.000 I really want to hang out.
00:19:08.000 And yeah, I'll pay for your cab.
00:19:09.000 That was another thing he said.
00:19:09.000 I'll pay for your taxi.
00:19:11.000 And in LA, that can be a pretty penny.
00:19:14.000 She probably thought, I'll just go there and it'll just be a free ride.
00:19:17.000 Then if I want to leave, I'll leave and I'll be in Hollywood.
00:19:20.000 So, over the course of the next hour, uh, two girls show up. 0.97
00:19:27.000 And, uh, they are his ex-girlfriends.
00:19:30.000 That's Knoxville in a nutshell, too.
00:19:32.000 That kind of super uncomfortable humor.
00:19:35.000 In a way, he was kind of a precursor to Sacha Baron Cohen.
00:19:38.000 Just making you cringe and making that fun.
00:19:40.000 I think he got that from his dad.
00:19:42.000 You know what his dad did once at a Christmas get-together?
00:19:45.000 At Christmas.
00:19:47.000 Uh, Knoxville's brother brings his girlfriend home for Christmas.
00:19:51.000 They've been dating for four years.
00:19:53.000 And the dad puts a present under the tree.
00:19:56.000 It's an okay ring he probably got from his wife's jewelry box. 0.95
00:20:01.000 So, you know, not an absurd piece of garbage, but nothing too expensive. 0.82
00:20:04.000 And he wrapped it and he made it from his son to her and said, Will you marry me? 0.83
00:20:13.000 So on Christmas, Johnny Knoxville's dad picks up this wrapped little ring and says, Oh, here's one from whatever his son's name is, Danny.
00:20:22.000 Here's one from Danny.
00:20:23.000 Oh, it's for you.
00:20:24.000 And he's probably nervous because he's probably familiar with his father's antics.
00:20:28.000 And then she starts crying and says yes, and then he has to unravel that this is just a prank and he doesn't actually want to marry her.
00:20:38.000 Not yet, anyway.
00:20:40.000 So that's what they're coming from.
00:20:41.000 I actually copied it once.
00:20:43.000 Derek Beckles, Pinky Carnage, the guy with a show on Adult Swim.
00:20:47.000 He was dating this nightmare, this Polish woman. 1.00
00:20:49.000 Who, God, she just dominated him, man. 0.93
00:20:52.000 And he's one of those guys, sort of like Stevo, that can just get subsumed by a girlfriend.
00:20:56.000 And then the next thing you know, it's just like, I can't get out of this, man.
00:20:59.000 They have big screaming fights every time he tries to...
00:21:02.000 A stalker, basically.
00:21:03.000 You know, we've all had one or two in our lives.
00:21:06.000 And he goes, I finally got rid of her.
00:21:08.000 Her name was like Elska or something.
00:21:10.000 And he goes, dude, I think I finally got rid of her.
00:21:12.000 I think we're finally broken up.
00:21:13.000 And it had been years.
00:21:15.000 Years.
00:21:17.000 And he made the mistake of going to the bathroom.
00:21:20.000 And I just texted her.
00:21:22.000 They had been broken up for about 40 hours.
00:21:25.000 I texted her two words.
00:21:28.000 So lonely.
00:21:30.000 Isn't that brilliant?
00:21:32.000 And the phone is just like... Just like, it's marching all over the bar like a little caterpillar.
00:21:44.000 It's had a life of its own.
00:21:45.000 It's going down three places over and then it's coming back.
00:21:48.000 We should have done that to two ex-girlfriends and then raced them. 1.00
00:21:51.000 Come on! 0.61
00:21:52.000 Come on! 0.61
00:21:52.000 Come on, Elska! 0.61
00:21:53.000 Elska's in the lead! 0.86
00:21:57.000 I think they ended up going back out.
00:21:59.000 I threw him back into the wolves.
00:22:03.000 Anyway, those were fun dudes.
00:22:05.000 I was in charge of Vice TV at the time.
00:22:07.000 After we moved to New York, we had all these different divisions.
00:22:10.000 That had never really occurred to us.
00:22:12.000 We just thought it would just be a magazine forever, but when we had this eccentric billionaire invest, he said, no, you have to be a lifestyle brand.
00:22:18.000 You need retail.
00:22:19.000 We had retail.
00:22:20.000 We had fashion.
00:22:20.000 We had record stores.
00:22:22.000 We had record label.
00:22:23.000 We had 0.98
00:22:24.000 Fucking everything, bottle openers, online marketing. 0.99
00:22:28.000 I mean, online, you know, like Amazon. 0.99
00:22:31.000 And it was just untenable.
00:22:34.000 Anyway, I was in charge of, and there was Vice Films, there was Vice TV, and I was in charge of that.
00:22:38.000 Everyone had to be in charge of something, right?
00:22:39.000 You need a president.
00:22:41.000 It has to be your baby.
00:22:42.000 So, I pitched a show with David Cross for a while.
00:22:46.000 We did the pilot, didn't get picked up.
00:22:48.000 And then, Knoxville says, let's do this.
00:22:52.000 There's a common myth going around that it was Spike Lee's idea to, wait, Spike Jones' idea, who said, hey man, you guys are doing these articles, you should bring a camera.
00:23:03.000 No, we had the TV idea for a long time.
00:23:05.000 In fact, I remember before I even met Knoxville, I went to MTV, probably in 2000, and we had cobbled together a shitty
00:23:12.000 Sort of version of what Vice TV is now and I got some low-level employee, you know MTV if you're not in any
00:23:23.000 station's LA branch, then you're just wasting your time.
00:23:26.000 You pitch to HBO New York, and the best they can do is recommend you when you go down to LA, so it's a total waste of time.
00:23:31.000 Anyway, I was with some loser at MTV, and he goes, yeah, that's okay, but check this out.
00:23:36.000 This is 2000.
00:23:37.000 Jackass hadn't come out yet, and he puts in a tape, and I realized, I am out of my league.
00:23:44.000 That was the tape. 0.92
00:23:46.000 I don't think it ever aired in public, but it's Johnny Knoxville getting shot in the chest with a handgun.
00:23:53.000 I believe that's gotta be illegal, right?
00:23:55.000 To do it recreationally? 0.89
00:23:57.000 Shoot someone in the chest? 0.97
00:23:59.000 It's really tense to watch. 1.00
00:24:00.000 God, that guy has balls, man. 0.98
00:24:02.000 Even re-watching Jackass the other night with my kids, I just... Like, getting shot with one of these riot bags that's like a sand pellet? 0.99
00:24:09.000 Right in the stomach?
00:24:13.000 Or doing a rail slide that only a top pro skater would do that's maybe two flights of stairs. 1.00
00:24:18.000 I mean, you know you're getting a concussion.
00:24:20.000 Butterbean knocks him out.
00:24:21.000 The guy's had a lot of concussions.
00:24:22.000 I think he's definitely eligible for being punch drunk when he gets older.
00:24:27.000 That's not a myth.
00:24:28.000 I mean, I don't think I've met a professional boxer that didn't have it.
00:24:33.000 That didn't be a little slow. 1.00
00:24:35.000 They talk like they're retarded. 0.99
00:24:36.000 The guy who, what's his name, that does Pacquiatos, trained Pacquiatos, that guy talks 1.00
00:24:43.000 Fucking weird, man. 0.99
00:24:45.000 It's disturbing. 1.00
00:24:48.000 Anyway, the next day, he's got to do more stuff, and I got fuck all day. 0.87
00:24:52.000 I'm there for a pitch with Knoxville, but that's just one meeting or two meetings a day. 0.56
00:24:56.000 I just got nothing to do all day.
00:24:58.000 So I'm back at his house, and his daughter's there.
00:25:02.000 She's probably ten at the time.
00:25:03.000 So we start doing exquisite corpses together.
00:25:05.000 Do you know what those are?
00:25:07.000 I draw the head, then I fold it so you can't see it, then you draw the body, then you fold it so you can't see it, and then you draw the legs.
00:25:14.000 I actually got along with her so well that I would mail her exquisite corpses later where I'd draw the head and say, your turn, like we'd be pen pals.
00:25:21.000 That's kind of a weird, that sounds weird to you now, but that was kind of a weird punk thing, where you'd be friends with kids.
00:25:28.000 Like there's a, uh...
00:25:30.000 There's a Sid Vicious interview where he's like, those dialogues with these kids, what?
00:25:34.000 And they were so fun.
00:25:35.000 We were just mucking about, having fun.
00:25:39.000 Like my friend's kid, she's, the daughter is maybe 11 now, but when she was 8 she saw X, the band.
00:25:48.000 You know, the Johnny didn't run Pauline.
00:25:51.000 And she wrote the Exine Cervenka letter.
00:25:54.000 And Exine Cervanca wrote back.
00:25:56.000 And now they're pen pals and then they go see each other.
00:25:58.000 They're friends.
00:25:58.000 So when X plays in New York, she goes and sees her.
00:26:01.000 That's her buddy, Exine.
00:26:03.000 Same with Fred Armisen. 0.98
00:26:04.000 Fred Armisen wrote a letter to John Waters when he was 10 saying, I just got in shit for saying that I'd blow up the school if the world was gonna end. 0.97
00:26:11.000 I don't want to blow up the school. 0.97
00:26:12.000 And John Waters said, that sounds reasonable.
00:26:13.000 If the world's gonna end, who cares?
00:26:15.000 And they're friends today.
00:26:18.000 But no, I didn't end up becoming pen pals with his daughter.
00:26:22.000 But this is probably because later on that night, and I had a little brother at the time, so I was 30 and my brother was like 12.
00:26:30.000 And my memories of him was just beating him up.
00:26:33.000 In a fun way.
00:26:34.000 Like, I'm gonna get you!
00:26:35.000 And throwing him down the stairs and stuff. 0.99
00:26:38.000 Or chasing him and then tickling him or strangling him.
00:26:40.000 Jokey stuff.
00:26:42.000 And, you know, this is rich L.A.
00:26:44.000 celebrity kids.
00:26:46.000 So she has a party. 0.95
00:26:47.000 She's maybe 11.
00:26:48.000 And her 11-year-old friends come over.
00:26:51.000 And I, we, there's a big ball, like a medicine, not a medicine ball, but that sort of exercise ball.
00:26:56.000 And I was like, let's play pass it, pass it.
00:26:58.000 And then I would occasionally surprise them and wing it at one of their heads, one of the kids' heads.
00:27:02.000 And you know when you get a kid perfectly with those big, huge exercise balls and they don't put their hands up, they just go flying?
00:27:11.000 So I was knocking them down like bowling pins.
00:27:14.000 And I thought it was funny.
00:27:16.000 I mean, I thought we were having a great time. 0.99
00:27:19.000 But, uh, we go out that night, and Knoxville can't come, and he texts me, and he goes, I can't believe what the fuck you've done here. 0.98
00:27:27.000 Those kids had to have their parents called right after you left and take them home. 0.98
00:27:31.000 They were traumatized.
00:27:32.000 They were shaking.
00:27:32.000 One of them was crying.
00:27:34.000 You can't ever come back here, dude.
00:27:36.000 He said, at least Steve-O knows that kids are out of bounds. 0.98
00:27:39.000 You scared the shit out of these guys. 0.99
00:27:41.000 And I went, 1.00
00:27:42.000 Oh, shit. 0.99
00:27:44.000 And I still don't know to this day, was this just Canadian hockey player rambunctiousness up against, um, L.A. 1.00
00:27:51.000 pussy kids who can't handle some horsing around? 1.00
00:27:56.000 Some, some, Kevin getting a ball whipped at your head? 1.00
00:27:59.000 Or was it a drunk idiot on Adderall who didn't realize he was beating children? 1.00
00:28:06.000 I don't know. 1.00
00:28:08.000 But watching Jackass last night, you can see... You know what's brilliant about those guys too, by the way?
00:28:14.000 I think that movie cost 5 million and made 200.
00:28:16.000 It was like Blair Witch.
00:28:18.000 And Spike Jonze is a rich kid, and you know I don't criticize rich kids.
00:28:23.000 I always confuse Spike Lee and Spike Jonze.
00:28:25.000 They couldn't be more different.
00:28:27.000 But Spike Jonze comes from money.
00:28:29.000 And his brother's a big DJ.
00:28:31.000 His brother is portrayed really negatively in Lost in Translation.
00:28:35.000 Sophia Coppola was dating Spike Jonze for a while, and I think Spike dumped her. 0.81
00:28:40.000 And if you look at Lost in Translation, there's a lot of revenge against Spike's brother for some reason. 0.99
00:28:45.000 So there's this idiotic DJ wigger dude who is meant to be an attack on Spike's brother. 1.00
00:28:53.000 It's really mean. 1.00
00:28:54.000 I met him once and I go, dude, the way you're portrayed in Lost in Translation, that would genuinely hurt my feelings.
00:29:02.000 And he goes, yeah, I saw that, man.
00:29:05.000 I didn't want to believe it was me, but it gets pretty hard to avoid.
00:29:09.000 I just kind of blocked it out.
00:29:11.000 Yeah, that's the best solution.
00:29:13.000 But I think Spike, right, probably has a, like, Knoxville's poor.
00:29:17.000 He grew up just, uh, uh, getting wasted.
00:29:20.000 But, you know, uh, I think Tremaine and, uh, and Jones come from, you know, private school backgrounds.
00:29:26.000 I actually don't know about Tremaine.
00:29:28.000 So they stand up to MTV and they don't do that thing that young people do when they get a break and go, okay, anything you want.
00:29:36.000 Like Mr. Show did that with HBO.
00:29:38.000 They just signed all their characters away.
00:29:40.000 They couldn't do a movie with any of the characters they'd made on Mr. Show.
00:29:46.000 HBO owned all their characters.
00:29:47.000 They were pissed off at themselves.
00:29:50.000 That's the truth 95% of the time.
00:29:51.000 You just say yes to everything.
00:29:53.000 I actually don't think it's such a bad idea.
00:29:56.000 If you win the lottery and HBO says yes, just let them have your characters in retrospect.
00:30:01.000 Get it on the air, then do something else later on.
00:30:05.000 They both had great careers.
00:30:06.000 Anyway, so they say, no, you don't own Jackass or anything about it.
00:30:13.000 We'll accept that we might get sued.
00:30:14.000 We'll accept some liability.
00:30:16.000 But you're licensing it from us.
00:30:19.000 It's our movie.
00:30:20.000 So I don't think MTV made a cent off of Jackass.
00:30:24.000 I think they kept that $200 million.
00:30:27.000 And I'm also told that they were very generous with the crew.
00:30:33.000 They were very cool with the crew, and they cared about those guys.
00:30:35.000 Little stand-up dudes, you know, real old-fashioned men. 0.97
00:30:38.000 But I remember, inevitably, you know, that kind of fame is going to mess with your head.
00:30:42.000 And it takes some sort of real strength to go, all these people that love me is no reflection on me.
00:30:52.000 It's got nothing to do with how awesome I am. 1.00
00:30:54.000 It's just fame and stupidity. 0.99
00:30:57.000 So I think a lot, especially young actors, I'm not talking about Steve-O anymore, young actors, they can't handle it. 0.99
00:31:03.000 And so Steve-O got addicted to drugs in a really bad way.
00:31:07.000 And he, I'm trying to find it here, oh yeah.
00:31:09.000 So he had this thing and it was called, um, it was called Steve-O's Rad Email List.
00:31:17.000 And this was going on in around 07, 06, 2006.
00:31:23.000 And he would get high on Maths, or I think PCP was big.
00:31:28.000 In one of the, there's a Steve-O DVD where there's an extra DVD in it, it's called PCP Saved My Life, and it's about the insane rants that he would go on on PCP, where he would just talk his ass off.
00:31:40.000 It's really, really good.
00:31:41.000 In fact, that night that he had those fake girlfriends, I mean those ex-girlfriends come and see him, I really wanted to talk about PC Saved My Life.
00:31:48.000 I don't think he was happy about it.
00:31:49.000 Because, you know, when you're sober, you look back on your PCP and you realize that, um, 1.00
00:31:56.000 You were talking like an asshole. 1.00
00:31:57.000 But here's the last one I got from him, and it was a celebrity email list. 1.00
00:32:02.000 It was Mike Judge on it, and all the jackass guys, and there'd be like some 50 Cent or something on it.
00:32:07.000 It was a really weird email list, and he'd send one a day that went on and on and on.
00:32:11.000 And here is a quintessential one from Steve-O, and the year is September 23rd, 2014.
00:32:18.000 Most people kill themselves because of a medical condition.
00:32:21.000 This is true in my case too.
00:32:23.000 The condition I suffer from is that I am not normal.
00:32:26.000 I am not like every one of you quote-unquote sane people.
00:32:30.000 Hackers drove me to the limit.
00:32:32.000 This is so meth.
00:32:34.000 And kind of Adderall-y too. 0.98
00:32:36.000 I am not normal in the sense that I'm not like every other one of you brain-dead zombies. 0.97
00:32:40.000 I can think. 0.99
00:32:41.000 I can reason intelligently.
00:32:43.000 I can observe and learn from life.
00:32:44.000 I can make my own decisions and follow through on them.
00:32:47.000 And I can do these things without any aid from celebrities!
00:32:51.000 This is a mass email he's sending to celebrities.
00:32:55.000 TV, radio, or MySpace. 0.99
00:32:58.000 Unfortunately, every one of you shit-brained lemmings seem to think that these skills seem to lack these skills and I can't fucking take it anymore. 1.00
00:33:07.000 Since everyone in this world is fucking retarded and a drone who revels in their ignorance and unintelligence, I must put an end to my misery. 1.00
00:33:15.000 I truly wish I was normal. 1.00
00:33:18.000 I wish I could be a fucking retarded sponge like all of you. 1.00
00:33:25.000 Thanks for the email, Steve. 1.00
00:33:26.000 Hey man, if you can't see anything nice about someone, don't email them.
00:33:31.000 I don't need to get this email in my inbox that I and the other 60 people on it are retarded sponges. 0.97
00:33:42.000 I wish I could have had the same conversations day in and day out about sports politics and how about that weather, huh?
00:33:49.000 But I can't.
00:33:49.000 Yeah, that's what Johnny Knoxville and Mike Judge talk about.
00:33:53.000 They sit there awkwardly going, huh, so how about that weather?
00:33:59.000 Sure you'll see this note and say, Steve-O's the crazy one.
00:34:02.000 You have to. 1.00
00:34:02.000 It's the only way you can go on thinking you're sane and your pathetic life is meaningful. 1.00
00:34:07.000 Go ahead and call me the weirdo like everyone else surely will. 1.00
00:34:11.000 Then return to your happiness of everyday mindless monotony. 0.64
00:34:17.000 Oh no, I spelt it right.
00:34:18.000 Monotony.
00:34:19.000 Actually, I think Steve was a rich kid, too.
00:34:21.000 You can tell by his spelling and grammar. 0.98
00:34:23.000 My only wish is that the bullet I put into my brain doesn't kill me, but only leaves me brain-dead. 1.00
00:34:29.000 For if ignorance is bliss, and every one of you fuck for brains, and that's spelled correctly, he has fuck-for-brains. 1.00
00:34:37.000 So we're seeing a well-educated kid here. 1.00
00:34:40.000 Um, and every one of you fuck-for-brains is truly happy, then living a life without a brainstem in a coma- Let me- Sorry, let me do that again. 0.98
00:34:47.000 I- I interrupted myself to- to- to, uh, give him accolades for his grammar, but I'm ruining the sentence. 1.00
00:34:53.000 For, if ignorance is bliss, and every one of you fuck-for-brains is truly happy, then living a life without a brainstem in a coma, devoid of any cognitive ability, must surely be utopia! 0.99
00:35:06.000 That is fuckin' PCP, isn't it? 0.99
00:35:10.000 Like, when you watch Intervention, and they're sitting there doing math things, and they're like, I don't understand. 0.97
00:35:13.000 I mean, if you multiply things, but then when you divide them back, it becomes a different thing.
00:35:18.000 So what you're actually doing is you're changing the structure of numbers.
00:35:20.000 You're changing their molecules when you multiply and then divide back.
00:35:24.000 You can reorganize society the same way.
00:35:26.000 What we do with people, what do we do?
00:35:28.000 We have sex, right? 0.53
00:35:29.000 And what happens? 0.97
00:35:29.000 You have babies. 0.97
00:35:30.000 You're multiplying.
00:35:31.000 And what happens with genocide?
00:35:32.000 It's taking it back.
00:35:33.000 It divides.
00:35:33.000 So it's like a war with genocide.
00:35:35.000 Every time you have a baby, you're at war with genocide.
00:35:38.000 And the population is constantly
00:35:40.000 I was actually getting into that.
00:35:41.000 And then back to Steve-O.
00:35:41.000 That's the last line.
00:35:42.000 It's all capitalized, too.
00:35:54.000 P.S.
00:35:55.000 If I get undead, please don't shoot me in the head. 0.95
00:35:58.000 I won't harm you. 0.99
00:35:59.000 I planned ahead and have like 20 homeless guys brains in my freezer. 0.99
00:36:02.000 That's at the end where he realizes, shit, I got a little harsh there, and I should probably calm down. 0.99
00:36:07.000 You know, the ebbs and flows of lunacy. 0.99
00:36:11.000 And that's evident in the, uh, in Jackass.
00:36:16.000 There's hundreds of those.
00:36:19.000 I used to put them up on my old site, Street Carnage, and he... I don't know, he contacted me once and goes, Dude, why are you putting up those people's private email addresses?
00:36:28.000 I said, I'm not, Steve.
00:36:29.000 Look at it.
00:36:29.000 It just says from, and then it says you without your email, and then none of the CCs are there.
00:36:34.000 Fuck you! 1.00
00:36:36.000 Okay. 1.00
00:36:37.000 Bye.
00:36:41.000 Um...
00:36:43.000 Speaking of bi, have you tried a purple mattress?
00:36:48.000 The purple mattress would probably feel different than anything you've ever experienced because it uses this brand new material that was developed by an actual rocket scientist.
00:36:58.000 It was not like the memory foam I'm used to.
00:37:00.000 The purple material feels very unique because it's both firm and soft at the same time.
00:37:06.000 Kind of like a crybaby military sergeant.
00:37:10.000 So it keeps everything supported while still feeling really comfortable.
00:37:13.000 Plus it's breathable, so it sleeps cool.
00:37:15.000 Here's the important points we have to get across in this read.
00:37:17.000 100 night risk-free trial they're providing.
00:37:20.000 If you're not fully satisfied, you can return your mattress for a full refund.
00:37:24.000 It's backed by a 10 year warranty with free shipping and returns.
00:37:28.000 They also have free in-home setup and old mattress removal.
00:37:33.000 And when you think about it, folks, that's not something that you should save money on.
00:37:38.000 Shoes fall apart, whatever.
00:37:40.000 A pen, it doesn't really matter.
00:37:41.000 You don't use it that much.
00:37:42.000 But a bed, I've had, when you, I think about my own mattress, and I'm about to get a purple mattress, by the way.
00:37:49.000 But you have it for years and years and years.
00:37:51.000 This is what drives me nuts when you see people in the city.
00:37:55.000 The Lower East Side, during a heatwave, you'd often see families just sleeping on the street.
00:37:59.000 I don't mean like bums. 1.00
00:37:59.000 They'd make it a cute thing. 1.00
00:38:01.000 It would be a nice neighborhood that they all hung out in, right?
00:38:03.000 And they'd have a radio and sleeping bags and they'd all be there lying on the street because it was too hot in their apartment.
00:38:08.000 And I thought, Dad,
00:38:10.000 Can't you just buy an AC and have the AC room?
00:38:12.000 Take your smallest room and make it the AC room and sleep on that floor?
00:38:16.000 And it could be 69 degrees?
00:38:17.000 An air conditioner is only about 220 bucks.
00:38:22.000 They last for at least 10 years.
00:38:24.000 You divide that up on the per days in the summer you use it, and it's worth its weight in gold.
00:38:31.000 In fact, every time I'm in an air-conditioned room like right now, for example, I can't help but think of all the years as a young man I just assumed that air conditioning was something I can't afford and would lie there all July and August with like a wet face cloth on my head trying to cool down.
00:38:46.000 Or a fan.
00:38:48.000 Guys, put together $10 a day for 20 days.
00:38:51.000 Bums can do it.
00:38:53.000 Bums have vodka bottles that are $10 a day.
00:38:55.000 Put aside $10 a day for 20 days.
00:38:58.000 You've got an AC now for the next 10 years.
00:39:01.000 Yeah, but the electricity is really expensive.
00:39:03.000 Yeah, I'd hate to suffer through that electricity bill.
00:39:06.000 Lying on a street must be way better.
00:39:08.000 Anyway.
00:39:10.000 You're gonna love Purple, and right now, my listeners will get a free Purple pillow with the purchase of a mattress.
00:39:15.000 That's in addition to the great free gifts they're offering site-wide.
00:39:19.000 So just go to purple.com and use my promo code GAVIN at checkout.
00:39:23.000 That's purple.com code GAVIN.
00:39:25.000 The only way to get this free pillow is to use my code GAVIN at checkout.
00:39:29.000 Purple.com code GAVIN.
00:39:32.000 Or as it's pronounced in Quebec, GAVIN.
00:39:38.000 I'll just end it with one last Knoxville story.
00:39:41.000 Monogamy is easy when you're my age, because they're not exactly kicking down the front doors. 1.00
00:39:46.000 And I know we see all these celebrities cheat, and we go, what a piece of shit. 1.00
00:39:52.000 And I agree with that. 1.00
00:39:54.000 Especially when they have kids.
00:39:55.000 But...
00:39:57.000 He who casts the first stone should not be living in a glass house, and the doors shouldn't be closed while he throws those stones out the side of the glass house, because it'll shatter, and if it's winter, he'll get cold.
00:40:13.000 And if it's summer and he has AC, well then the heat's gonna come in and fill the glass house.
00:40:17.000 And by the way, what are you doing in a glass house in the summer?
00:40:20.000 You're going to cook in there. 1.00
00:40:22.000 That's for plants, dumbass. 0.99
00:40:26.000 But I was at, uh... What's it called? 0.99
00:40:29.000 The Tavern?
00:40:31.000 It's on, uh, Houston Street in the East Village.
00:40:33.000 It's right where, obviously, that borders the... The, uh... The Lit Tavern or something?
00:40:40.000 It was pretty far east.
00:40:42.000 It was past Ludlow and everything.
00:40:44.000 Where the action is.
00:40:45.000 And I was with Luke... This whole episode's name-dropping, by the way.
00:40:49.000 I was with Luke Wilson.
00:40:51.000 and Johnny Knoxville, and they were playing pool together.
00:40:53.000 I never really hung out with Luke Wilson.
00:40:54.000 Oh, you know what's funny?
00:40:56.000 Knoxville and those guys, they noticed that Luke has this sort of sad demeanor, so they started this prank, and they called it The Saddest Wilson, meaning he's so much sadder than Luke, and they had toilet paper with a caricature of Luke Wilson, and it just says The Saddest Wilson.
00:41:12.000 I have a roll of this.
00:41:13.000 I don't think anyone else does.
00:41:14.000 They made neon signs, t-shirts.
00:41:16.000 It all just said The Saddest Wilson.
00:41:18.000 It's fun.
00:41:19.000 That's the thing fun people do, by the way.
00:41:21.000 Like, to go back to Derek Beckles, in high school, they just chose a random Asian dude, like Jim Fong, and they said, he's now a star to us.
00:41:31.000 So we're gonna follow him in the hallways, we're going to try to get his autograph, we're gonna call his parents, we're going to make posters of him, and they just made this guy into a celebrity and would scream when they saw him.
00:41:42.000 It drove him nuts, the poor kid.
00:41:43.000 He didn't get the joke.
00:41:45.000 But, uh...
00:41:48.000 The mother came to the school and begged them to stop making him a celebrity.
00:41:56.000 Anyway, so they were doing that to Luke.
00:41:57.000 And then Luke Wilson tried to kill himself.
00:42:00.000 And that made that whole joke real unfunny, real fast.
00:42:04.000 But anyway, this was before all that.
00:42:07.000 And I've never seen this before in my life.
00:42:09.000 And it happened all the time with Mr. P.J.
00:42:12.000 Clapp.
00:42:13.000 There would literally- I'm not exaggerating here!
00:42:15.000 I don't- I hate the word literally, but here it is.
00:42:17.000 There would literally be a lineup of women waiting to speak to him. 0.99
00:42:23.000 He would be standing by the jukebox.
00:42:25.000 They would naturally form a line, too.
00:42:27.000 He wouldn't say, form a line, but some girl would come up. 0.93
00:42:29.000 He'd pull out- He had this little tiny notepad.
00:42:32.000 Little black book.
00:42:33.000 And this girl would say, hey man, and he'd go, oh, OK, I'm staying at the Paramount.
00:42:37.000 My hotel room is 1504.
00:42:40.000 My flight tomorrow is at 5 PM.
00:42:42.000 So you could come in at 9 AM, I guess.
00:42:45.000 And then she'd leave. 0.93
00:42:46.000 And then the next girl would come in, and he'd fill in another slot, until he just had this revolving door of ladies that would love to have some time with the old PJ man, the king of pajamas. 1.00
00:43:00.000 Now, I know we all see the sanctity of marriage as incredibly important, obviously, but I'd like to see you tell a lineup of women that no, they may not perform fellatio upon you.
00:43:13.000 And no, you may not fill up your address book with seven different girls every single day. 0.99
00:43:22.000 But yeah, I don't want to disparage the guy.
00:43:24.000 Great guy.
00:43:25.000 It really helped Steve-O out.
00:43:26.000 Got Steve-O clean.
00:43:27.000 Got him into rehab.
00:43:28.000 Steve-O's doing great.
00:43:30.000 I assume.
00:43:32.000 Last time I checked, he'd been clean for years.
00:43:36.000 But, uh...
00:43:39.000 Yeah, those guys, you know what's so great, I'm just winding it up now, but you know what's so great about those guys is they always kept it fun.
00:43:46.000 Like, they never got serious, they never got into who's gonna, if someone's gonna stab someone else in the back, or who's getting how much of this cut and that cut, it never got ugly with them.
00:43:55.000 Even when we'd go to meetings and we'd be at MTV or HBO or something, all of those dudes would have their, Jeff Tremaine and Johnny Knoxville would have their hands over their balls. 0.99
00:44:04.000 Holding them, cupping their balls, because you're never safe from a kick in the nuts with those guys. 0.98
00:44:10.000 So, and I would get to do it too. 0.99
00:44:11.000 I would get pissed off because I'd only had one baby and I wanted two more.
00:44:13.000 I didn't want you to mess with my kids.
00:44:15.000 He told me once, Knoxville told me that he saw his sperm in a microscope and it looked like a Russian prison. 0.80
00:44:21.000 Every single sperm had some sort of damage to it. 0.57
00:44:24.000 I don't want that! 1.00
00:44:25.000 So I was like, I don't want to be part of this stupid game. 1.00
00:44:28.000 I don't want to be part of your ball tag. 1.00
00:44:30.000 But you are, inevitably.
00:44:31.000 So they'd be in important meetings with executives, and they'd have to shake someone's hand. 0.99
00:44:35.000 They'd have to remove one hand from their balls, shake it, and then put it right back on top of their balls. 0.99
00:44:40.000 That's a good lesson there. 0.99
00:44:41.000 That's the lesson of this podcast, I think.
00:44:43.000 And it's not my lesson, it's theirs, and that's never take anything seriously ever.
00:44:49.000 Not even cancer!
00:44:50.000 Even that movie with Benicio, what's his name, Roberto Benigni, where he doesn't take the Holocaust seriously because he doesn't want his daughter to know that they're gonna die.
00:44:59.000 Always inject fun.
00:45:00.000 Obviously that's a very extreme example, but I think my only regret when I look back at my life is the times I took everything too seriously.
00:45:08.000 As the English Beat said, it's only a game.
00:45:11.000 Ackie 1 to 3.
00:45:15.000 And finally, please tune in to CRTV.com where I have Get Off My Lawn every day, basically.
00:45:22.000 Except for a bunch of days.
00:45:24.000 And then CRTV Tonight, which is a talk show I do in D.C.
00:45:26.000 that's more like Red Eye with, you know, guests and a sit-down panel and stuff.
00:45:29.000 We play games and it's just silly celebrity news, mostly.
00:45:33.000 With some serious stuff speckled in, but even then we don't take it seriously.
00:45:37.000 And then there's After Hours, which is more of a sit-down-y thing.
00:45:41.000 And I'm opening a new studio.
00:45:43.000 In New York City, just down the street from Rockefeller Center.
00:45:46.000 So I'm gonna have two different studios now for Get Off My Lawn, as well as this podcast, which is free.
00:45:52.000 Goodbye.