The Butthole Surfers are a punk band from the late 80s and early 90s. They played songs like "22 Going On 23" and "I'm Dressing solemn" and some other things that I don't remember. I also talk about the new Trump administration and how they are ruining art, and how the Buttholes should be banned from playing music in public places. Also, I talk about a woman who calls into a self-help show and says she's 22, going on 23, and it's a sad occasion. I feel like it's sort of morbid. I'm sorry if it's not morbid, but it's kind of morbid, and that's what makes it morbid, right? I hope you enjoy this episode, and if you do, make sure to call me a misogynist. I hate the word "misericist" and I also hate the term "terrorist" because that's a noun and an adjective. You're making terrorist threats, and I hate those terms. God's next word is "communistic threats." I hate them too, so make sure you make terrorist threats too. I love you, God loves you, Jesus. Love ya, bye. xoxo -Jon Soraya Jon Tim Ben Jake Josh Evan Chris Ryan Mike Matt Daniel Chad Andrew David Jack Michael Kevin Paul Will John Matthew Dave Justin Brian James Alex Brandon Jared Chacho Jordan Zach Dan Christian Julian Jacob Sam Joe Austin Nick Emily Ian Dylan Brad Tyler Shane Bobby Can Chett Tom Alyssa Isabel Shav And much more! Cody Weezer Thank you for listening to this episode of this episode? Thank You For Listening to this Podcast? Can't wait to hear your thoughts on the music from you like it? You're a good one? We'll see you in the next episode next week? Thanks for listening? -Josie
Transcript
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00:00:03.000Can you guys stop ruining art, please?
00:00:08.000You know, when I was a boy, I would listen to the Butthole Surfers, and I had no idea where they stood on the political spectrum.
00:00:16.000I didn't know where Gibby Haynes, his stance on health care plans, or how he felt about this new tax bill.
00:00:25.000The Butthole Surfers would play shows with a homeless stripper on stage, with her breasts basically at her waist.
00:00:36.000And in the background behind them they would play circumcision videos.
00:00:41.000We stole that idea actually from my band, Anal Chinook.
00:00:45.000And what we'd do is we'd go to the library and rent a projector, which is nothing, and we'd get, it doesn't matter what the movie is, it's just cool that there's a movie playing behind your band.
00:00:56.000So I think we had Stompin' Tom Connors or something, a documentary about him, you know, all this Canadian funded art.
00:01:04.000At the library and then we just broadcast that behind us.
00:01:06.000It looks really cool on stage when there's a video being projected on the band.
00:01:11.000And I stole that from the Butthole Surfers and their circumcision videos.
00:01:15.000But I was just talking to Ty Richards in Austin.
00:01:18.000He's persona non grata now because I tweeted one of his songs.
00:05:43.000You know, I used to, I had a job once in Montreal, and my job was picking up records from the border for cargo records.
00:05:50.000So it was much cheaper to ship to America from America.
00:05:55.000Right, so they would ship to the place, Montreal's only an hour from the border, so they'd ship to the closest they could get to the border, a big warehouse, and then I would drive a truck down, a big van actually, and fill it up with CDs, and then cross the border, and they'd save like thousands of dollars, and then they'd ship the CDs throughout Canada, to various record stores.
00:06:17.000That reminded me of a funny story there.
00:06:21.000So anyway, before I get to the funny story, we'd get to the border and it was now my job to defend all these because I'm the one transporting them.
00:07:22.000Even if you were a quarter of an inch tall and you had a tiny piece of rice as a surfboard and someone put you on an anus, you can't really do much there.
00:07:31.000You could maybe do an ollie kickflip on the anal lips.
00:07:33.000You're going to get sort of caught in one of the grooves, but you can't really party all around an anus.
00:07:51.000I came to know Gibby Haynes, uh, in my old age.
00:07:54.000That's kind of one cool thing about, about sticking around for a long time, like say pop culture and music is eventually you get to meet your idols.
00:08:02.000Like every book that I like, I've met the guy.
00:08:04.000I met Pat Buchanan and I really liked Coloring the News.
00:08:27.000But anyway, Gibby, he, uh, he wanted to get into comedy, so we got along.
00:08:32.000And he did one of the meanest, funniest things ever.
00:08:37.000Do you know that later on, I don't really like late butthole surfers, but they did have some good jams and one of them was this one where it sounds almost like ministry and it starts out with, I'm flying!
00:09:09.000And so I was at a party that Gibby was at and there was a helium balloon there so I broke it open and I inhaled tons and tons of helium and then I said, I tapped him on the shoulder and I go, I'm flying, I'm flying!
00:09:28.000And he was chugging a Guinness and he goes, and he finishes it and he goes, I'm drinking your beer!
00:11:36.000We stayed up all night for two days just calling and calling and calling and eventually found, like say Calgary for example, found a record store and said look guys we'll give you a free ad if you distribute these magazines and we'll ship them to you via a Greyhound bus.
00:11:51.000Then we'd go to the Barrie bus terminal
00:11:54.000In Montreal, and load up an entire Greyhound bus.
00:11:57.000Basically, 50- Because these Greyhound buses, they don't need all that cargo room.
00:12:02.000So half of it is a suitcase, and then the other half is open.
00:12:19.000I work there and I was the driver guy, but we also ship stuff out and we came up with this great scam where you're sending a box somewhere, right?
00:13:32.000Anyway, time went by, but eventually we all got fired, probably because they weren't making any money, because we got so greedy with it, that not only would we buy stuff for ourselves, steal stuff for ourselves, and I had a massive CD collection after that scam, because I did it a hundred times.
00:13:52.000Um, but uh, they probably started losing money because we would, eventually we would just pack the thing with stuff and then go sell it at a used CD store.
00:14:01.000They were getting brand new releases and paying $4 for them.
00:14:07.000So we all got fired and I thought it was weird because the owner of the cargo records was Shake Records and that was the guy that I used to take the bus to go see to buy records from when I was a little kid when it was $14.99 for punk imports and you'd sit on the bus for an hour, buy a record you couldn't listen to at first and take it home and then you wouldn't find out it sucked until, you know, you put it on the turntable back at home and you had to wait another week to have enough money to go back to the store.
00:14:32.000Anyway, here's this guy that I used to religiously go give all my gas station earnings to, and there he was firing me.
00:14:40.000And I go, well, this is weird, isn't it, Dan?
00:15:05.000I think it would have been fair if society put me in a jail for a month.
00:15:12.000I think that would be fair and then maybe like have to pay the place back over, you know, the course of a year through some sort of payment plan.
00:15:19.000I don't, if I was a judge, I would have sentenced me to a month and $10,000.
00:15:47.000But what they would do is they keep giving people raises and there was this guy Sylvain who was a bassist for a band called Bliss and he worked there forever.
00:15:55.000And his salary was about four times minimum wage.
00:16:25.000So there's a few areas where you might be able to work, and this record label that did distribution for all of Canada, you could be English there.
00:16:33.000So getting fired was actually kind of a big deal.
00:16:35.000The only other job around was bike messenger, which you can imagine in Montreal.
00:19:21.000And that was true of, remember there was like Rod Stewart, we'd heard that he sucked off 10 sheep and he had to have his stomach pumped.
00:19:28.000I had a Rod Stewart poster on my wall where he's all Scottish and he's got his tartan flag and my neighbor goes, you know that he sucked off 12 sheep, right?
00:19:35.000And they had to pump his stomach because he had so much cum in his stomach.
00:19:38.000And as a kid, you just go, all right, well, that poster's coming down.
00:19:41.000And you just sort of roll it up and put it under the bed.
00:20:51.000I remember there was a story in my high school, this chick Sandy, and the story was that she was fed Spanish flies, and we know how horny that makes the ladies, and so she used the gear shtick.
00:22:29.000I don't want to know, I don't want to see Danzig at the store.
00:22:33.000That's another problem with social media.
00:22:34.000Have you seen that picture of James Hetfield shopping on 6th Avenue in New York?
00:22:38.000And he has on cargo shorts and fucking flip flops.
00:22:43.000And about 7 bags of Macy's and Gucci and some dumb pants that he bought that are really nice He probably went to Old Navy too and stocked up on some nice tees Some v-neck tees, some orange v-neck tees from Old Navy
00:24:19.000I don't want to see Tom Hanks do an interview.
00:24:22.000I see him talking about his dog and then you watch Castaway and you're trying to imagine this person is stranded on an island but you go, but it's Tom Hanks.
00:24:32.000So there's always that nagging elephant in the room going, oh, that's a guy pretending to be a guy.
00:25:35.000One time I went to Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, and the theater was empty, and I sat near the middle, and I was right in front of a guy.
00:25:44.000And as I sit down, I hear him go, and I go, is there a problem here?
00:25:53.000And he goes, well, of all the places to sit in the theater, you had to sit right in front of me, huh?
00:28:45.000I just told you they put out 10 movies a year.
00:28:47.000Parents are dying for each one because it's basically three hours off the clock where you can just sit and relax and your kids are amusing.
00:28:53.000You don't feel bad because it's not like they're home watching TV.
00:30:59.000France has about five people they recycle for every fucking movie.
00:31:05.000So you're looking at a bad guy, and he was the bad guy in your last movie.
00:31:10.000Like Beatrice Dahl for a while, who I was obsessed with, by the way, that's my type.
00:31:14.000Beatrice Dahl, when she was in her heyday, which I guess would be the early 90s, she was just the protagonist of every single fucking movie without exception.
00:31:50.000On that, is it 2112, where there's a big pentagram on fire?
00:31:53.000We went, oh, okay, they are, we believed like Motley Crue had magical powers and they were, we'd hear, all you had to do was meet with Anton LaVey once.
00:32:02.000And we went, holy shit, those guys are friends with Satan, man.
00:32:06.000You should not, you shouldn't even listen to that.
00:32:08.000If you listen, and it felt dangerous too, because you'd have your orange puffy headphones and your Sony Walkman, and you'd slide in the cassette, close it up, hit play, make sure you have two fresh AA batteries in there so it didn't slow down, and you would go, I am doing some sinful shit.
00:33:06.000Some guys are smart about it, like Adam Sandler.
00:33:09.000His only thing is that he wants you to be pro-Israel, which no, I mean, actually I was gonna say no Jew is anti-Israel, but that's not true at all.
00:33:55.000I bent a coat hanger into a long sort of a pole type shape and then I bent the the top part into a right angle so I now have a long stick with a sharp point right angle and then I bonked it on the box of a MacBook Pro and made a little hole.
00:34:13.000If you really knew sound, if you were a sound engineer and you really knew what you were doing, you would have been able to suss that out.
00:34:30.000I went to see the Yankees with Will Ferrell once and I'm famous now this was before I was famous and I gotta tell you folks being famous blows chunks it fucking sucks and if you want to know what it's like take a sharpie and draw your nose this only works if you're white draw your nose black if you're a black person you're listening to this which I doubt take liquid paper take white out and make your nose white
00:34:56.000And now walk down the street and that way people stop and stare.
00:34:59.000Actually, that would be better because they just stop and stare.
00:35:02.000I have to pose for a fucking selfie all the time.
00:35:08.000Anyway, I always knew being famous sucks because I was in a band when I was 18 and in a very small scale you could get a taste of what it is and it's just a lot of boring conversations that are very short with strangers.
00:35:21.000And they tend to be losers if they're coming up to you, you know?
00:35:24.000It's like Andy, what's his name, Andy Rooney at the end of 60 Minutes, he goes,
00:35:28.000The kind of person that would sit down and write me a letter is probably not the kind of person I want to hang out with.
00:35:47.000In fact, Jimmy Miller stopped talking to me when he found out I was right wing.
00:35:51.000He'd actually just introduced me to the founder of Vox, and we met for lunch at Le Cirque, and it was stupid because the guy is the founder of Vox.
00:36:01.000I ended up saying I'll pay him $2,000 if he reads an Ann Coulter book, which to a rich guy means nothing, so he never did.
00:36:08.000But he said, I go, why do you hate Ann Coulter so much?
00:36:11.000I can't remember how it came out, but he goes, I think she needs to be burned alive.
00:36:34.000But I was having lunch with him and I go,
00:36:37.000He was talking with Sarah Palin and he goes, you know what I would like to do to her?
00:36:39.000And everything else he said was rational and funny and interesting, so he's a normal human being.
00:36:43.000And then he goes, uh, I would like to take razor blades and just draw long lines on her body and then slowly peel off her skin by rolling it into little cylindrical, like, uh, Twinkies.
00:37:38.000Remember in Step Brothers where the parents allow them to make bunk beds?
00:37:43.000And they do and they do a shitty job and then the top bunk falls on the bottom bunk and he runs back in there and says that whatever his name is, Dennis is dead.
00:37:54.000I showed that to the kids and I didn't realize that it says motherfucker and fuck and cunt and slut about every second word, so that was a mistake.
00:38:01.000You gotta really read that parental IMDB before you show your kids a movie.
00:38:04.000Um, I almost showed them Animal House until I read it and realized, oh yeah, every second joke is about fucking.
00:38:10.000So, I'm just throwing this in at the end as dessert, because I can't base a whole podcast on the simple premise that artists should be more mysterious.
00:38:20.000You can get that in two minutes, so I gotta add a truffle at the end.
00:38:52.000And he does Funny or Die, and I had a great video on Funny or Die.
00:38:55.000I have a bunch of good videos on Funny or Die, like Our Woman is Horny as Man, and another great one was Sophie Can Walk, about my daughter being born unable to walk, and the doctor said she wouldn't walk for at least a year.
00:39:06.000That was my running joke when my daughter was born.
00:39:08.000And it's amazing how many people took it seriously and went, can I help?
00:40:37.000So you're sitting there just chugging pints.
00:40:39.000Anyway, he had a Glaswegian amount of pints at his feet.
00:40:42.000And then the head of Yankee Stadium, like, marketing comes over and goes, it was when he had that movie out, Lost Planet or whatever, where they are, you know, with the dinosaurs.
00:40:53.000You know, the remake of that popular 70s show.
00:40:56.000And let's say it's called Lost Planet.
00:41:00.000She goes, hey, we're wondering if we could put the camera to you with a microphone, you could say a little bit, like say, welcome to Yankee Stadium.
00:41:07.000And he goes, no, I'm all right, thanks.
00:41:10.000Like, no, I don't want to give you a free ad.
00:41:12.000I get paid a lot of money for those things.
00:41:38.000Like, Justin Theroux can't- I was with him at his house in Beverly Hills when he lived with Jennifer Aniston, here I am name-dropping, and I said, um, can we just go to a bar and have a beer?
00:43:21.000Let's keep all these things out in the ethereal cosmos where they're not pinned down and ripped apart like a fucking frog in biology class.
00:43:45.000And you guys, with all your rules and regulations and politically correct this and this has to be like that and all these artists on Twitter and actors fucking ruining all their shit.
00:43:54.000You're taking all the mystery out of life.
00:43:56.000You know, if a woman's going to wear lingerie, I want her just to go to the other room, put it on, and then... You don't want to see her, like, getting her toes in the fishnets, and having to get the heel of the stocking right, and then putting the clips on, and... Oh, shit, my gut.
00:44:10.000I gotta put my gut in my corset here, and tie it up.