Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - September 05, 2018


Get Off My Lawn Podcast #78 | Is doing good impressions something you're born with?

Topics
doing good impressions
Hosted by
Gavin McInnes
Mentioned
Justin Trudeau Tony Soprano George W. Bush Christopher Moltisanti Samuel L. Jackson Anthony Cumia Pierre Trudeau John Travolta Ben Shapiro Javid Shah Dude Mike Jordan Peterson Ryan Katsu Rivera Tommy Robinson Maggie Trudeau Morgan Freeman Speech Jammer Jeff Spicoli Ezra Levant Sarah Jeong and 36 more
Ep 179 | Girl 15 dies for her phone | Get Off My Lawn Ep 181 | Treason | Get Off My Lawn

Episode Stats


Length

42 minutes

Words per minute

169.38

Word count

7,193

Sentence count

878

Harmful content

Misogyny

31

sentences flagged

Toxicity

203

sentences flagged

Hate speech

55

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode of the podcast, we're joined by Ryan Katsu Rivera to talk about how to do a good impression of Tony Soprano and why it's one of the most difficult jobs in the world. We also talk about what it's like to be a housewife and how it's not as easy as it looks on the outside, and how to get good at it on the inside. We hope you enjoy this episode, and don't forget to leave us a rating and a review on Apple Podcasts! Subscribe, Like, and Share to stay up to date with what's going on in our world. Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. The opinions stated here are our own, not those of our companies, unless otherwise stated. We do not own the rights to any music used in this episode. This episode was produced, written, produced, and edited by us. All credit given to artists and labels. If you have a song you'd like us to use, we'd like to use it in the next episode, please reach out to us via Anchor.fm/RADIO.fm and we'll get a shoutout. Thank you for all the support we've gotten so far this week! We really appreciate it. - Thank you so much for all your support, we really appreciate all the love, support, support and support, and all the hard work you've all done so far and truly appreciate you. Thank you, thank you, we appreciate it greatly. this week. XOXO. xoxo - RYAN RANTHANK YOU! - JUICY - JOSH - JAY & JAYE - P.E.A. - A.M. - E.S. - R.S., R.J.Y. - SONGS! - J.B. - M. A. (A. ( ) J. (JAYE ( ) - S. (S. (C. (M. (R.O. (P.A.) (A) ) - K. (E. (D. A) (AYO. B. (B. (L. (V. A.) (C) & K) (J. (T. (K) ) ( ) )

Transcript

Transcripts from "Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 Is doing good impressions something you're born with?
00:00:02.000 I mean, I'm okay.
00:00:06.000 I can do a lot of British accents. 0.53
00:00:09.000 Pretty bad Australian. 1.00
00:00:11.000 And then as far as actual individuals, I don't really got it.
00:00:14.000 Like, I can do one word.
00:00:16.000 Like, I can do Ron Reagan going, well.
00:00:20.000 And I can do E.T.
00:00:21.000 going,
00:00:22.000 Elliot.
00:00:25.000 That's about it. 0.84
00:00:26.000 But I'm here with my producer, engineer, sidekick, gay lover, Ryan Katsu Rivera.
00:00:33.000 And I don't know, can you train me to do good imitations?
00:00:38.000 Yes, I can.
00:00:39.000 And, um, the key to doing it is, um, you have to close your eyes and you have to feel like who you're doing it as.
00:00:47.000 You have to feel like the person that you're doing.
00:00:49.000 Okay, let's start with me, because I can do that really well.
00:00:52.000 You could be you?
00:00:53.000 Yeah.
00:00:54.000 Okay, well, you have, um, I mean, every now and then you'll throw an interrogative at the end of your thing. 0.90
00:00:59.000 Like, um, yeah, and the millennials don't know how to read, so they talk like a bunch of retards. 1.00
00:01:06.000 Yeah. 0.97
00:01:07.000 How's that interrogative?
00:01:08.000 That sounds pretty affirmative to me.
00:01:10.000 Oh.
00:01:11.000 I don't think I know the definition.
00:01:12.000 I'm a millennial.
00:01:13.000 Interrogative is a question.
00:01:15.000 Okay.
00:01:16.000 Interrogate.
00:01:17.000 Ring any bells?
00:01:18.000 Uh, interrogative.
00:01:21.000 Yeah.
00:01:22.000 Well, I should talk like that because I got a lot of important stuff to say that people are taking for granted and they shouldn't.
00:01:30.000 That's true. 0.98
00:01:31.000 And then sometimes you'll be super affirmative and you're like, yeah, that fucking rules. 0.99
00:01:38.000 That rules. 0.99
00:01:38.000 Okay. 0.99
00:01:39.000 I get it.
00:01:39.000 You know, you do.
00:01:40.000 Yeah.
00:01:40.000 So you take a hyperbolic example.
00:01:42.000 But the Tony Soprano thing, that really is the quintessential example because I feel like I've hit a ceiling of how good I can do at it.
00:01:50.000 And then you sort of go up above onto the roof
00:01:54.000 And I don't think, even with a hundred years of practice, I can get there.
00:01:57.000 And you look at someone like Anthony or, uh, you know, other people who do these.
00:02:02.000 Rich Little is the only other one I can think of.
00:02:05.000 But they just seem to pick it up.
00:02:09.000 Do your Anthony.
00:02:11.000 On my Tony?
00:02:12.000 Uh, it's a very, uh... How do I say this?
00:02:19.000 It's a very difficult situation, Christopher.
00:02:23.000 That helps, too.
00:02:24.000 Picture who you're talking to.
00:02:25.000 You see Christopher Moltisanti's face looking at you.
00:02:28.000 It's a very difficult situation, Christopher.
00:02:31.000 No, I wasn't mad enough.
00:02:32.000 That wasn't too bad.
00:02:33.000 It's a very difficult situation, Christopher.
00:02:36.000 I see what's happening there.
00:02:37.000 So now I got the headphones on, I can hear you right in my ears.
00:02:40.000 There's a lot of force.
00:02:41.000 It's a, you have to let... It's a, it's a very difficult situation.
00:02:45.000 Almost like a bullfrog.
00:02:46.000 Almost like a bullfrog.
00:02:47.000 Where you let the air like sit right in this pocket.
00:02:50.000 I got you.
00:02:51.000 It's a very... I got you.
00:02:55.000 It's a very difficult situation.
00:02:58.000 Now I got the godfather cheeks.
00:03:00.000 It's a very, it's a very difficult situation Christopher.
00:03:03.000 Wait, or the mouth too.
00:03:04.000 The mouth too.
00:03:05.000 Yeah, yeah, the mouth.
00:03:07.000 Almost like a little baby.
00:03:08.000 Yeah, it's almost like a little baby.
00:03:12.000 See, yours is way funnier than mine will ever be.
00:03:16.000 It's a very difficult situation.
00:03:19.000 With the mathematics.
00:03:21.000 What's the mathematics thing he said?
00:03:23.000 He goes, uh, when I was in school we learned about the House of Appomattox.
00:03:32.000 No, I can, you know, I can feel it. 0.99
00:03:34.000 I remember taking guitar lessons and just going, bing-do, bing-do, bing-do, fuck this, too hard. 0.99
00:03:40.000 Plomp. 0.99
00:03:41.000 Yeah.
00:03:41.000 Threw it on the ground.
00:03:42.000 It's a very difficult situation.
00:03:44.000 That's the best I'll ever be at it.
00:03:46.000 Very difficult instrumentation.
00:03:48.000 And then of course your Bill Burr.
00:03:52.000 It's brutal.
00:03:52.000 It's brutal.
00:03:53.000 That's pretty much all you gotta do like every you just say something that like kind of pisses you off.
00:03:57.000 You just say something that kind of pisses you off.
00:03:59.000 It's brutal.
00:04:00.000 Yeah, dude.
00:04:00.000 That's another one where like you you put a lot of air, but it stops like before your mouth.
00:04:05.000 You put a lot of air.
00:04:06.000 Now see I'm actually doing it worse when I do it after you.
00:04:09.000 It's brutal.
00:04:10.000 You talking about the hardest job on earth?
00:04:13.000 Being a housewife? 1.00
00:04:13.000 That's got the shit. 1.00
00:04:15.000 It was being a roofer with a redhead in July in Boston. 1.00
00:04:18.000 Oh my god, I just embarrassed myself.
00:04:20.000 See, but Boston, that's the thing about impersonations also.
00:04:24.000 It's like, it could be the cringiest thing if you fall off of nailing it.
00:04:29.000 It's like the cringy- I feel naked.
00:04:31.000 It's borderline suicidal. 1.00
00:04:32.000 I feel like Gigi Gorgeous when she went to her fertility expert and the woman pointed out that she has a penis. 1.00
00:04:39.000 You feel like a fake woman. 1.00
00:04:40.000 I feel like a fake woman. 1.00
00:04:41.000 It's so embarrassing. 0.97
00:04:42.000 I want to give birth to Bill Burr.
00:04:44.000 But it's just not there.
00:04:46.000 It's not there!
00:04:47.000 It's brutal!
00:04:48.000 The thing is, it's staccato.
00:04:50.000 It's staccato!
00:04:51.000 So you gotta end like the- when you're done talking, you're done.
00:04:54.000 That's it!
00:04:55.000 Show it!
00:04:56.000 That's brutal!
00:04:58.000 These broads! 1.00
00:04:59.000 What, you got a broad talking to me now?
00:05:01.000 I'm gonna do this barrel roll!
00:05:02.000 See, all the words, they ring out too much.
00:05:04.000 You gotta, like, pull them in.
00:05:05.000 You gotta pull them in!
00:05:06.000 They're, like, vacuum-sealed.
00:05:07.000 Vacuum-sealed!
00:05:09.000 I'm getting worse with your coaching.
00:05:10.000 I'm sorry.
00:05:11.000 What about... Ezra Levant?
00:05:16.000 Potato cheeks. 0.93
00:05:20.000 See, this is one that I started doing the other day.
00:05:23.000 I was listening to him talk, he had an interview, and I noticed that his lips are always hiding from the audience.
00:05:31.000 Yeah, it's like he has a secret on the tip of his tongue.
00:05:34.000 I have two lip tattoos.
00:05:37.000 If I stay still too long, you'll see them.
00:05:41.000 And then you'll also see my cheek potatoes, which I say because it sounds like I'm talking with hot potatoes in my cheek like Ken Kratz, the defense attorney from the movie Making a Murderer.
00:05:53.000 And, uh, I, you know, Tommy Robinson, when I saw him come out of prison, he was emaciated.
00:05:59.000 So I gave him one of my cheek potatoes to eat, and he said, that's unsanitary, and he walked away from me, so.
00:06:07.000 Thanks for letting me do that whole thing.
00:06:08.000 Did you?
00:06:09.000 What was I supposed to do?
00:06:10.000 Come home with a blanket?
00:06:13.000 You abandoned in a river during a storm and I get to winch out and drag you out?
00:06:18.000 Yeah, hot potatoes.
00:06:20.000 He talks like he has potatoes in his cheeks. 0.98
00:06:21.000 I think he might have a racist, like he might have been a Nazi skinhead and he has like Nazis forever and blood and soil tattooed on his lips. 0.91
00:06:30.000 And he's embarrassed about that, and he hasn't removed it yet, so when he opens his mouth you can see, so he has to retract his lips after every one. 0.67
00:06:39.000 Who else can you do?
00:06:39.000 I'm out of steam today, so now I'm using you to power this podcast.
00:06:44.000 One of my favorite ones is, it doesn't sound very good at all, but it's fun to do because I feel like him.
00:06:48.000 It's Tommy Lee Jones.
00:06:50.000 Slick, you're now part of the Men in Black. 0.96
00:06:52.000 Welcome to Men in Black.
00:06:53.000 That is the A-M-A-N. 1.00
00:06:55.000 Black. 0.93
00:06:56.000 Slick, there's a volcano about five miles away.
00:06:59.000 See, it doesn't sound like him at all.
00:07:01.000 No, that's kind of so bad it's funny.
00:07:03.000 Right.
00:07:04.000 That's like your David Cho.
00:07:05.000 You sound like an American Indian when you do David Cho. 1.00
00:07:09.000 You have to, you have to, like, fuck porn stars and, like, gamble and put, like, lobsters on your dick and stuff and then paint, I guess, in between for a long time. 1.00
00:07:17.000 Follow your dream. 1.00
00:07:18.000 Follow your dream, like, quit school, like, live your life.
00:07:22.000 That's not how he talks.
00:07:24.000 You sound like an Indian. 0.93
00:07:26.000 You sound like David Cho when he grew up on the res.
00:07:31.000 I guess so.
00:07:32.000 What?
00:07:32.000 Dude, let's do some more Sopranos.
00:07:34.000 You got Tony, what about Christopher? 0.99
00:07:37.000 Tony, I fucking so- Don't! 0.99
00:07:39.000 Don't! 0.99
00:07:40.000 Anybody does like a vibrating kind of... 0.99
00:07:43.000 There was one scene where, uh, he thought that Adriana was giving oral sex to Tony in the car, but I flip it around because it's funnier the other way. 0.98
00:07:50.000 So he's like, Tone! 1.00
00:07:52.000 I saw you fuckin' blowin' Adriana in the fuckin' Escalade, Tone! 1.00
00:07:55.000 Don't fuckin' lie to me, Tone! 0.99
00:07:58.000 It's weird, it's like, sometimes you got it, sometimes you don't. 0.98
00:08:01.000 You got it, that was good.
00:08:02.000 The hard one is, uh, Pauly.
00:08:04.000 It's impossible.
00:08:05.000 See, look, Nick DiPaolo can do it great.
00:08:07.000 It's just, at most, it's half the hand.
00:08:09.000 You gotta hit your temple with your- Oh!
00:08:11.000 Oh! 0.95
00:08:11.000 Oh! 0.95
00:08:13.000 Yeah, it's possible.
00:08:15.000 I remember my wife and I were totally obsessed with The Sopranos.
00:08:18.000 It might be how I eventually, you know, seduced her into marriage.
00:08:21.000 It was our Sundays.
00:08:22.000 That was our big day.
00:08:23.000 I woke up this morning... And then the guy towards the end... Woke up this morning!
00:08:32.000 They're Australian, I believe, that band.
00:08:37.000 And I love the idea of people around a soundboard and someone taking a risk and then the other guy looking at him and he can't say, that's a great idea!
00:08:47.000 That was better than Shrimp on the Barbie!
00:08:49.000 So he has to just sort of look at him and be like,
00:08:51.000 That was crackers.
00:08:52.000 That was great.
00:08:53.000 So, one, they were doing that studio thing, and they was getting to the end with the... And they were listening to it, and then the black guy is like, I got something. 0.86
00:09:02.000 I mean, he must be American, right?
00:09:04.000 Do they do black accents in Australia?
00:09:06.000 I don't know.
00:09:07.000 I don't know.
00:09:08.000 So, he's like riffing, and he's kind of, maybe he's had a few drinks, and he's really in the zone.
00:09:12.000 And then just as it's coming towards the end, he just can't resist, and he's like... Welcome this morning!
00:09:19.000 And then the guy, the singer of the band, gives him a look like, That was bloody cracking, mate.
00:09:25.000 Nice. 0.96
00:09:25.000 That was fucking awesome. 0.96
00:09:27.000 And then he moves the little levers on the soundboard up. 0.96
00:09:30.000 Right.
00:09:31.000 We're keeping that.
00:09:31.000 That was good.
00:09:32.000 Told you to get out of your shell.
00:09:34.000 You nailed it.
00:09:35.000 That's what that is.
00:09:36.000 Yeah, that little burst of confidence.
00:09:37.000 I'm just gonna go for it.
00:09:39.000 Yeah, and you know what probably happened?
00:09:40.000 It was uncomfortable.
00:09:42.000 After he did it and he got the okay, he's like, I'm glad you liked it.
00:09:45.000 I got another one.
00:09:45.000 And the guy's like, No, that's about it.
00:09:48.000 It's we've got it.
00:09:49.000 What about woke up woke up woke up.
00:09:52.000 I was actually holding back you want to see my real idea.
00:09:54.000 Yeah, yeah No, no, we got it woke up this morning's good cuz that's in the chorus, but what about No, no stop
00:10:09.000 Maybe one of the guys got kicked out of the band for not coming out of his shell enough, and that guy got scared. 1.00
00:10:15.000 Oh, so he's just like, FUCK! 1.00
00:10:15.000 FUCK UP THIS MORNING! 1.00
00:10:19.000 That's him trying to keep his job? 1.00
00:10:21.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:10:22.000 He's just sweating. 1.00
00:10:23.000 Maybe the guy is a total fucking asshole, and when he went, like, he just did that to keep food on the table at home, and instead of the guy going, that was great, mate, he just sort of gave him a look, and the guy didn't even know that it was good until it appeared on the final single, and he's like, well, I guess I still got a job. 1.00
00:10:40.000 I guess I don't have to go back to Americas. 1.00
00:10:43.000 That's fucking funny. 1.00
00:10:46.000 God, that's so gay, that stuff. 1.00
00:10:48.000 Like in, uh, I Wanna Know What Love Is, that Toto song, and then at the end where it's like, That's Foreigner.
00:10:53.000 And I'm feeling so much love, wanna know!
00:10:57.000 And then you see like, and I know, and I know!
00:11:00.000 Yeah.
00:11:02.000 Because it feels forced.
00:11:02.000 You know why?
00:11:03.000 It feels calculated.
00:11:04.000 It's so queer. 1.00
00:11:06.000 And I apologize to the gay community, because you're not even that gay. 1.00
00:11:10.000 Gays are just like, I want to do this song. 1.00
00:11:12.000 Hey, hey, we're partying. 1.00
00:11:13.000 You can ring my bell.
00:11:15.000 All right, we're done.
00:11:16.000 Let's go.
00:11:18.000 They're not like, ring it!
00:11:19.000 Ring it!
00:11:21.000 That's too creative.
00:11:22.000 That doesn't have enough feeling.
00:11:23.000 It's too logical. 0.80
00:11:24.000 Are you saying gays aren't creative?
00:11:26.000 No, I'm saying they don't have to force it.
00:11:28.000 They kind of just flow.
00:11:30.000 Right, guys?
00:11:32.000 Who's with me?
00:11:33.000 No, I'm totally open to that as a concept.
00:11:36.000 Like, I'm doing Stossel tomorrow.
00:11:38.000 He's doing this thing on Big Tech banning conservatives and people in general.
00:11:43.000 And they're going through all these quotes.
00:11:46.000 And they go, you know, you have a reputation as being a racist to the left anyway.
00:11:49.000 And I go, yeah, yeah.
00:11:50.000 So does Trump.
00:11:51.000 So does everyone. 0.98
00:11:53.000 And they go, well, you did say poor Hispanics are not compatible with America. 0.96
00:11:59.000 And I'm like, that's pretty bad. 0.84
00:12:01.000 That's a tough one to defend.
00:12:05.000 And then I look it up and it's from a movie called They Call Us Monsters about these El Salvadorian teens.
00:12:14.000 And one of them was from somewhere even worse than El Salvador, like Nicaragua. 1.00
00:12:18.000 And these kids come from war-torn countries.
00:12:22.000 uh... and they become gangsters and they were in this documentary I forget what exactly it's called.
00:12:27.000 I think they called it Call Us Monsters. 0.71
00:12:30.000 In this documentary they're trying to go through this rehab thing and they couldn't give less of a shit about rehabilitation or assimilation or being in jail. 0.97
00:12:36.000 It's a documentary? 0.99
00:12:37.000 Assimilation. 0.56
00:12:39.000 It's a difficult situation.
00:12:40.000 These El Salvadorians.
00:12:41.000 But the thing about El Salvador is it's been a war zone forever.
00:12:48.000 So I think young boys grow up there where senseless violence and a lack of mercy are actually positive traits.
00:12:57.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:12:57.000 Like your dad doesn't want you to be a pussy because you'll die. 1.00
00:13:00.000 Now they come to America, what's it called? 1.00
00:13:02.000 They call us monsters.
00:13:03.000 They come to America and we have the exact 1.00
00:13:07.000 Inversion of that.
00:13:08.000 We want you to have mercy.
00:13:10.000 We don't want senseless violence. 0.99
00:13:12.000 For you to just go up to a stranger and gut them and slit their neck is frowned upon. 0.62
00:13:17.000 So I said poor Hispanics in that context, because I couldn't say El Salvadorians because one of them wasn't from El Salvador, but I meant war-torn Latino country. 0.97
00:13:25.000 Sure.
00:13:26.000 Of course, you have to be walking on eggshells.
00:13:27.000 And this, by the way, is an opinion piece, not a tweet.
00:13:30.000 And it was part of me watching the movie and talking about my feelings.
00:13:34.000 Facts don't care about my feelings. 0.79
00:13:37.000 And I said, I couldn't help but feel when I was watching this that poor Hispanics are not compatible with America. 0.99
00:13:46.000 Now, that's not a politician making a statement.
00:13:48.000 And if it was me making a formal statement instead of within a review of a movie, then I would say,
00:13:55.000 Sometimes I'm concerned that countries such as El Salvador are breeding young men who have no intention of assimilating within American culture. 0.99
00:14:05.000 But look at that, now you got me talking like a fucking dictionary. 0.99
00:14:07.000 Right. 0.99
00:14:08.000 You can't riff.
00:14:09.000 You will lose the everyday Joe.
00:14:12.000 Right, well there's that too.
00:14:13.000 But also, why can't we talk normal? 1.00
00:14:15.000 They say die cis-scum. 1.00
00:14:17.000 Sarah Jeong says all white people must die. 1.00
00:14:20.000 She talks about old white men. 1.00
00:14:21.000 Can you imagine if we were like, you know, I want to kill all black people. 1.00
00:14:25.000 I wish they'd all die, but old black men. 1.00
00:14:27.000 That's who I really want to die. 1.00
00:14:29.000 Right. 0.99
00:14:29.000 And you're listening to it going, wow, you really zoned in on who you're gonna kill first, dude. 0.99
00:14:34.000 How would you like, uh,
00:14:36.000 How would you say in a politically correct way or a politician way what Sarah Jung said?
00:14:41.000 She said maybe Caucasian males over the... No, it's still like... Well, that's the challenge.
00:14:48.000 I had a point.
00:14:49.000 El Salvadorians are not compatible, generally. 1.00
00:14:53.000 Her point is all white people must die. 0.99
00:14:56.000 Maybe you could say, uh, I'm so frustrated by the- by how prevalent racism still is, and I can't help but notice, at least in my life, the ones saying it are white males. 0.99
00:15:09.000 Especially old white males. 0.51
00:15:11.000 I feel like- That's something, Sarah!
00:15:12.000 I- I- I wouldn't- I wouldn't miss old white males if they were to disappear due to their- but they kind of have the right idea that he- she just said the shortest version of all those. 0.74
00:15:25.000 Yeah, but it's a little too malicious.
00:15:27.000 Like, even in mine, out of context, it was wondering.
00:15:30.000 Mm-hmm, right.
00:15:31.000 About a particular demographic. 1.00
00:15:33.000 And obviously, I didn't mean, Hispanics who come here and bust their ass and are here legally and working hard, they're poor, so fuck them. 1.00
00:15:44.000 Hello, I am interested in working on this project with you. 1.00
00:15:47.000 Oh yeah, Juan, I read your resume.
00:15:49.000 Let's get started.
00:15:50.000 You seem to know what you're doing and you've built a swimming pool before.
00:15:53.000 Yes, many times.
00:15:54.000 Wait a minute, are you poor?
00:15:56.000 Oh, well, yeah, I don't have much. 1.00
00:15:58.000 Get the fuck off my property right now. 0.99
00:16:00.000 Actually, get out of my country. 1.00
00:16:02.000 I only want rich Mexicans coming here. 1.00
00:16:06.000 You know, that was one of the reasons George W. Bush opened the border so much and was so pro-Mexican.
00:16:12.000 George W. Bush.
00:16:15.000 I just found that one.
00:16:16.000 What, you've never done that before?
00:16:17.000 It was just so done by everybody, I was like, there's no, the world doesn't need me on this one.
00:16:21.000 They got it.
00:16:22.000 We'll do it.
00:16:24.000 There's so many terrorists out there. 1.00
00:16:27.000 It really breaks my heart that a little Asian boy could try to, you know, ten years, twenty years almost after I've been out of office, tries to make fun of my fucking voice. 1.00
00:16:36.000 Fuck him and his chinky fucking eyes. 1.00
00:16:41.000 Remember when he did that Fool Me Once? 1.00
00:16:44.000 Yeah.
00:16:45.000 I was never a George W. Bush fan, but I didn't even enjoy... Like, I hated him, but I didn't enjoy his screw-ups.
00:16:54.000 What, like that people made fun of him?
00:16:55.000 Oh, that's a good idea for the podcast.
00:16:57.000 But you didn't like that people... Wait a minute.
00:16:59.000 Every time I email you, you go, well, you didn't send it to me.
00:17:01.000 I go, I just emailed it to you.
00:17:02.000 And you go, oh, oh yeah.
00:17:03.000 And then you check.
00:17:04.000 And I go, oh, he must not have his notifications on.
00:17:07.000 And then we do a podcast and it's boodily doop!
00:17:10.000 That was a tweet.
00:17:11.000 Oh, so you have your notifications set for tweets, but not email?
00:17:14.000 But no, no, I do.
00:17:15.000 But you had said, even, and I haven't changed it since, but you said, no, you shouldn't have notifications on your emails.
00:17:20.000 Just check your emails.
00:17:22.000 And I was like, that seems dangerous to me, though.
00:17:24.000 Touche.
00:17:25.000 You got me there.
00:17:26.000 I listened to what you say.
00:17:27.000 And I think it's, and I ran it through my head.
00:17:30.000 I said, is that a good idea?
00:17:31.000 Is he right?
00:17:32.000 And for the show, of course you're right. 0.95
00:17:34.000 But, uh, for real life, like, I just, I don't have- No, I think it's stupid when people have, uh, 0.96
00:17:41.000 There are Twitter notifications on, email notifications, they got that dumb fuckin' watch, where it's like someone, one of the 300 people you follow tweeted something, and when you're talking to those people, they look down at their wrists, and they go, oh, the weather's changed, or... That is whack. 0.95
00:17:55.000 Uh, here we go, fool me once speech. 0.98
00:17:58.000 There you go, fool me again.
00:17:59.000 I didn't... And so, in my state of the, my state of the union, er, state, my speech to the nation.
00:18:05.000 Oh, that's bad.
00:18:05.000 Whatever you want to call it.
00:18:08.000 Speech to the nation.
00:18:09.000 Speech to the nation, yeah.
00:18:09.000 Is that real?
00:18:17.000 I don't know.
00:18:39.000 Too many OBGYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country.
00:18:45.000 Practice their what?
00:18:45.000 Their love with women.
00:18:47.000 Their love?
00:18:47.000 You're saying you didn't like these?
00:18:49.000 Well, you know, I have distance now, and it is juicy.
00:18:53.000 But back when he was the President of the United States, I'd feel heat on my shoulders.
00:18:57.000 I was so embarrassed.
00:19:00.000 There's an old saying in Tennessee, I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee, that says, fool me once, shame on you.
00:19:17.000 That's almost the funniest thing I've ever heard. 0.96
00:19:20.000 You know how he talks like you talk when you're having sex?
00:19:24.000 I don't do that anymore. 0.82
00:19:25.000 Because I can't, because I talk like that.
00:19:27.000 And you're just like, oh yeah, yeah, you like that?
00:19:30.000 Oh, I want me so bad.
00:19:32.000 I want you so bad. 1.00
00:19:35.000 Oh, I love my tits. 1.00
00:19:37.000 Sorry, your tits. 1.00
00:19:39.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:19:40.000 Dude, I know exactly what you're talking about. 1.00
00:19:41.000 And the messed up thing is if you fuck up a sentence that has, um, the word pussy, my, and dick in it, and your... 0.99
00:19:51.000 If you jumble any of those up just a little bit, you got the weirdest sentence you ever heard. 1.00
00:19:56.000 Your dick feels so good right now. 0.99
00:19:58.000 It's like, are you used to saying that? 1.00
00:20:00.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:20:01.000 No! 1.00
00:20:02.000 He's saying that I want to cum on my tits. 1.00
00:20:04.000 It's just that your balls feel so awesome. 1.00
00:20:13.000 Justin Trudeau. 0.99
00:20:15.000 Justin Trudeau I think is worse than George W. Bush.
00:20:18.000 Wow.
00:20:19.000 And that's impressive.
00:20:20.000 Reorder the thoughts.
00:20:21.000 Reorder the thoughts?
00:20:38.000 Wow.
00:20:38.000 Okay, he's on a roll now.
00:20:39.000 Okay, he does it again.
00:20:58.000 There's some doozies, though, out there where he's talking about tariffs and stuff, and he goes, uh... Let me explain this.
00:21:05.000 When we trade with America... Okay, sorry. 0.63
00:21:09.000 Hold on. 0.98
00:21:10.000 What the hell? 0.99
00:21:11.000 Here, do your Justin Trudeau. 0.98
00:21:15.000 So, when... Okay, wait, wait.
00:21:19.000 Fuck. 1.00
00:21:21.000 If... You gotta get more nasally. 1.00
00:21:25.000 I think I could do a pretty good Ben, what's his name?
00:21:28.000 Ben Shapiro?
00:21:29.000 I think I could do a pretty good Ben Shapiro.
00:21:32.000 Ben Shapiro, if you're listening, I respect you.
00:21:34.000 I don't think you respect me very much.
00:21:36.000 I think you've retweeted people mocking Proud Boys, but whatever.
00:21:39.000 I'm a big boy.
00:21:41.000 But you gotta do something about that voice.
00:21:44.000 You need to smoke a pack of Marlboros a day and drink a bottle of whiskey and when you wake up just go,
00:21:54.000 Into a pillow for one hour.
00:21:56.000 Yeah.
00:21:57.000 Even if it was like kind of a raspier high voice, that would be kind of cool.
00:22:00.000 You sound like an 80s villain, like the Warriors Come Out and Play guy.
00:22:03.000 Yeah, Warriors come out and play!
00:22:06.000 You take away the rasp, that guy's just...queeb.
00:22:12.000 Wait, wait, here.
00:22:13.000 We import more steel than the Americans... We have a significant trade surplus...
00:22:23.000 This isn't bad.
00:22:24.000 Yeah, but there's a couple of moments where it sounds like he's fighting it.
00:22:28.000 Did you ever try a speech jammer before?
00:22:49.000 You ever try a speech jammer before?
00:22:49.000 What?
00:22:51.000 What's that?
00:22:52.000 Really?
00:22:53.000 Oh, you have to check it out.
00:22:54.000 It just delays your voice like a half of a second, and so before you can get your next word out, you're like listening to what you just said.
00:23:02.000 And you think you're doing pretty good, but if you listen to the recording, you're like, AND THEN I BROKE!
00:23:11.000 Look it up!
00:23:12.000 Yeah, I think I can just find it and you can do it, like, real time.
00:23:15.000 Yeah, do you think impressions, to get back to the hypothesis of this entire show, the thesis, do you think that impressions are something that you can just be good at, or is it genetic?
00:23:26.000 Well, the one that you liked the most, Tony Soprano, I thought I would never be able to do that, and I was okay with it.
00:23:31.000 And then, um, I just, so,
00:23:36.000 Impressions in general?
00:23:38.000 I think you have to have some kind of, uh... You can't be tone deaf.
00:23:41.000 Because I think it's a very musical type of thing.
00:23:43.000 Do you play an instrument?
00:23:44.000 Yeah, I'm a guitarist.
00:23:46.000 And, uh, I sing.
00:23:47.000 I could hit a note.
00:23:48.000 I don't have a good voice, but I could hit every note.
00:23:50.000 Why don't you do some Fat Bottom Girls? 1.00
00:23:53.000 I don't know the lyrics to that.
00:23:54.000 It's not one of my favorite songs.
00:23:55.000 I have to really like the song to sing it.
00:23:57.000 But I could play it anything guitar, pretty much.
00:23:59.000 What song do you like?
00:24:00.000 Um... What about... Woke up this morning!
00:24:07.000 Woke up this morning, got a blue moon in your eye.
00:24:11.000 Everybody, hands down.
00:24:13.000 That was awesome.
00:24:13.000 I wasn't ready for that.
00:24:21.000 He really went for it.
00:24:23.000 It's sort of like that Styx song where he's like, come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me.
00:24:30.000 Lads.
00:24:32.000 Oh, is it?
00:24:32.000 One of the choruses he just goes, lads.
00:24:34.000 I never noticed that.
00:24:36.000 Or in Little Red Corvette, where he's like, baby, you got to slow down.
00:24:41.000 And then the black guy goes, got to slow down, yeah. 1.00
00:24:45.000 Yeah, there it is.
00:24:46.000 Little Red Corvette.
00:24:46.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:24:48.000 That's when Prince was like, all right, dude, chill out a little bit.
00:24:50.000 It sounds like they all did this.
00:24:52.000 Little Red Corvette.
00:24:53.000 They probably did, yeah.
00:24:55.000 The people at home can't see you dancing, but he's doing that little Prince dance where you kick out your heel.
00:25:00.000 Right, left, right, left, right, left.
00:25:03.000 Plug in your headphones, allow the browser to access your microphone.
00:25:05.000 Okay, okay.
00:25:06.000 We sound like we're wasting everyone's time here.
00:25:07.000 Put these on.
00:25:08.000 Okay.
00:25:09.000 I'm gonna put, but... Can you hear yourself?
00:25:12.000 Yeah, I can hear myself.
00:25:12.000 Check, check.
00:25:13.000 Okay.
00:25:14.000 So we're trying this speech jammer, and I'm going to sound like Justin Trudeau and George W. Bush.
00:25:21.000 Now, now do you have speech jammer on on the main soundboard? 0.91
00:25:25.000 Okay, so I hooked up Speech Jammer to my computer, so we're gonna see if I can, using technology, make myself as retarded as Justin Trudeau. 0.89
00:25:35.000 Alright? 0.93
00:25:36.000 Here we go.
00:25:40.000 Whoa, I got some intense feedback there.
00:25:44.000 Oh, I see what happening.
00:25:47.000 You hear yourself after you're talking.
00:25:51.000 Oh my god!
00:25:51.000 This is the Justin Trudeau app!
00:25:55.000 It makes you talk like Justin Trudeau.
00:25:57.000 Okay, so let me explain what a trade surplus is.
00:26:02.000 It's sort of like, say you're doing business with Mexico, and they buy $100 of stuff from you, and then you buy $120 of stuff from them.
00:26:19.000 So there's a trade surplus of $20.
00:26:22.000 Mexico's benefiting from these exchanges by $20, even though they gave you $100.
00:26:30.000 So when Trump says Mexico's gonna build the wall, he says, look, this restaurant, this business associate I have, keeps making 20 bucks off me.
00:26:38.000 So I'm gonna say to him, hey, let's take him maybe a buck or two off the 20 bucks.
00:26:43.000 Sort of like Roger Ebert when he goes to a restaurant and he's been there a lot and he knows that his celebrity is good for the restaurant.
00:26:52.000 So what he does is he says, I want the booth by the window.
00:26:56.000 I want to go there because I'm a regular at your restaurant and I deserve special treatment.
00:27:01.000 And in Trump's situation, difficult situation, in Trump's situation, he is saying the booth by the window is the wall.
00:27:21.000 Wow, that's hard.
00:27:22.000 Okay, you come over here and you try to do Tony Soprano yelling at Christopher.
00:27:28.000 I don't even know if this is what we're saying, too.
00:27:31.000 Depending on the amount of delay... Well, that was pretty tough.
00:27:35.000 Okay, so yeah.
00:27:38.000 Wow, it's been a while since... Come on, Justin Trudeau, do Tony Soprano.
00:27:45.000 Hey Paulie, why don't you go get the car, bring it around, and then we're going to take a split around the block.
00:27:52.000 It's a very difficult... That was really good!
00:27:55.000 Thanks.
00:27:56.000 It's a very difficult...
00:28:02.000 Sounds like we're on Mushroom.
00:28:03.000 Yeah, it totally does.
00:28:05.000 It's a very difficult situation, and Paul is my right-hand guy, and I got Stevie.
00:28:10.000 Remember him from the East Street Band?
00:28:12.000 It was, uh, oh.
00:28:13.000 Little Steven, yeah, I remember him.
00:28:14.000 Yeah, it was, you know, he wears a thing on his head.
00:28:17.000 Okay, that's enough.
00:28:19.000 Isn't that fun?
00:28:21.000 That's enough, folks at home.
00:28:23.000 Wow, it's amazing to see what it's like to be them.
00:28:27.000 And, uh, it ain't pretty. 0.99
00:28:29.000 I think Justin Trudeau had a shitty life. 0.99
00:28:32.000 I think that his parents were total hedonists. 1.00
00:28:35.000 I think Pierre Trudeau beat the shit out of Maggie Trudeau. 0.99
00:28:38.000 I think he was abused in the sense that he was a second class citizen in his own home. 0.99
00:28:45.000 He did not come from a happy family. 1.00
00:28:48.000 Pierre Trudeau was a violent asshole, and Maggie Trudeau was a useless dumb slut. 1.00
00:28:53.000 So, so the offspring, luckily they didn't pick up on Pierre's violence, he's more, the offspring is more of a beaten dumb slut. 1.00
00:29:03.000 That's what, he's like, say you get a dog from the kennel that's been kicked around, imagine that dog was a dumb slut, that's the Prime Minister of Canada. 1.00
00:29:11.000 Now the Bushes are totally different. 1.00
00:29:13.000 The Bushes are obsessed with Mexican elites. 1.00
00:29:18.000 That's why Jeb Bush married a rich Hispanic who can't even speak fucking English. 1.00
00:29:23.000 Can you believe we almost had him as president? 1.00
00:29:25.000 He can't assimilate his wife. 0.92
00:29:27.000 How is he going to assimilate all these illegals? 1.00
00:29:29.000 But um, she's a funny little woman. 1.00
00:29:31.000 But the Mexican elites are very bizarre rich people. 0.98
00:29:37.000 Like, you think of British elites and it's like, hello darling, how are you?
00:29:41.000 Oh look, Reginald has a guitar!
00:29:43.000 Do us a song, will you Reggie?
00:29:45.000 And then he plays, and he doesn't even have any shoes on and stuff, and they're in a little cabin in the woods, like in Withnail and I, that's not a nice cabin, because they don't like, you know, opulence.
00:29:54.000 They like to rough it a little bit?
00:29:55.000 They like to rough it, and they never have money on them and stuff.
00:29:57.000 Hello, darling, how are you?
00:29:59.000 And I was getting divorced and stuff.
00:30:01.000 They're very fun.
00:30:02.000 I find they're like hillbillies.
00:30:03.000 Like, the very poor and the very rich in Britain are basically the same, they just have different accents.
00:30:08.000 But the Mexican elites, they'll have like two gold lions inside their apartment that you get to in a glass elevator that goes 0.98
00:30:19.000 And then you go up and it opens up maybe with some dry ice that's set up on these little things.
00:30:25.000 And then there's like a glowing orange lit floor that goes to like this fur couch. 0.94
00:30:32.000 And there's servants there with white gloves even though it's 110 degrees out and it's fucking freezing in there. 0.97
00:30:36.000 And I think the Bush family just went, well golly! 0.98
00:30:43.000 Not Bush Sr., but George W. and Jeb and all that whole generation.
00:30:47.000 They're just like, you gotta see it, man.
00:30:50.000 I'm eating out of a plate that's transparent.
00:30:52.000 And the fork's transparent, but it's tough.
00:30:54.000 It's not plastic.
00:30:56.000 And I was like, fool me once, you fool me. 0.85
00:30:59.000 Fool me again, I want an OB-GYN to play with my breasts. 1.00
00:31:03.000 The best in the breasts and the brightest. 0.99
00:31:06.000 On Speech Jammer!
00:31:08.000 And, and, you know, but he, why is he so different?
00:31:11.000 He liked sports a lot more or something?
00:31:13.000 He seems like a cut different from them. 0.68
00:31:15.000 I think he's probably a good guy to hang out with.
00:31:17.000 Yeah, he seems the most fun.
00:31:18.000 And he knows how to paint.
00:31:20.000 And that's important in a friend.
00:31:22.000 Yeah, I was hanging out at Ryan's house, man. 0.99
00:31:26.000 He can't paint for shit though, so I left. 0.99
00:31:28.000 I brought a six-pack over and some gouache. 0.99
00:31:31.000 What is gouache? 1.00
00:31:32.000 He couldn't even do a fucking duck. 0.99
00:31:34.000 I was like, I'm out of here, man. 0.99
00:31:35.000 That thing doesn't even have hands. 1.00
00:31:37.000 Bro, you paint?
00:31:37.000 What's wrong with you?
00:31:38.000 I fucking paint. 1.00
00:31:39.000 I'm never not painting. 0.99
00:31:40.000 I'm painting right now.
00:31:41.000 Dude, he's such a good guy. 1.00
00:31:42.000 Like, whenever I'm crying, somebody puts a hand on my shoulder and says, dude, fuck her. 1.00
00:31:47.000 She doesn't even know how awesome you are. 1.00
00:31:48.000 And he could paint his ass off. 0.97
00:31:52.000 He's bald, he has a micropenis, he's pretty overweight, he weighs 300 pounds, but his paintings are amazing. 0.98
00:31:58.000 Actually, women would do that, like Julian Schnabel. 1.00
00:32:01.000 He's a big, fat, ugly douche, but he can paint. 1.00
00:32:06.000 He's probably got a fucking hot wife. 1.00
00:32:08.000 Should I explain that guy here? 0.99
00:32:11.000 But no, I'm only explaining how George W. Bush was so pro-Mexico and pro-open borders and totally blind to illegal aliens because he thought Mexicans were cool. 0.56
00:32:20.000 Not to disparage our Southern brothers there by doing a Southern accent.
00:32:23.000 Sorry, it's just an easy go-to when you're doing a yokel.
00:32:26.000 Yeah.
00:32:27.000 Doesn't mean we don't like Southerners.
00:32:30.000 I'm starting a new thing where I'm politically correct about white people. 0.81
00:32:32.000 I'm very careful what I say about white people. 0.95
00:32:34.000 You know, it's worth it because half the country 1.00
00:32:38.000 Is from a southern... Well also it's such a stupid trope. 1.00
00:32:43.000 And as a Canadian, I'd hear, I'm a redneck and I don't think dinosaurs exist. 0.99
00:32:49.000 And so you watch 60 Minutes and this guy's like, yeah, I'm a top attorney for pharmaceutical patents.
00:32:57.000 And a lot of these times, you know, they'll change one molecule, the diamexapan and it's called diamexapanopan.
00:33:03.000 And you're like, wow, I thought you were an inbred hillbilly. 1.00
00:33:07.000 Actually, no, I'm not.
00:33:08.000 But the diazomazepam, it actually messes up the grid system, which we constructed, me and a couple of colleagues of mine.
00:33:14.000 Yeah, actually, I'm on Adderall. 0.96
00:33:15.000 I am a retarded hillbilly. 0.88
00:33:17.000 But this is really good amphetamines. 0.87
00:33:20.000 You know what I noticed about, so I was watching Ozark, which we talked briefly about.
00:33:23.000 No need to really get too far into it, but the main chick does a southern accent. 1.00
00:33:27.000 She's not from the south.
00:33:28.000 And my friend Jesse that I was watching with, he called that out immediately.
00:33:32.000 He's like, yeah, she's doing like a North Carolina accent.
00:33:35.000 And they're not from there.
00:33:37.000 Wait, isn't Ozarks in the Midwest?
00:33:39.000 It's like around Detroit or something, right?
00:33:39.000 Yeah.
00:33:41.000 Yeah, but I guess they're from, like, you know, in Pennsylvania, they have no reason to have a Southern accent, but some people, some areas do.
00:33:47.000 Yeah, like Virginia.
00:33:47.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:33:48.000 You go to see Virginia football fans and they all sound like they're from Alabama.
00:33:52.000 They're not really Southern.
00:33:53.000 And they're from next to D.C.
00:33:53.000 Right.
00:33:56.000 Yeah, I don't know how that works.
00:33:58.000 But, uh, it does.
00:34:00.000 And, uh, you can't fool those guys, and I was like, is there any- We've been foolin' once!
00:34:04.000 But you can't fool me again.
00:34:06.000 You ain't gonna fool me again.
00:34:08.000 I won't get fooled again.
00:34:09.000 Uh, and, uh, yeah, but New York accents, the only time I was like, well, I'm not Southern, so I can't tell the nuances between the difference of different accents or whatever, but the New York one, they tried to fool us with Colin Farrell in Phone Booth.
00:34:23.000 Remember that?
00:34:24.000 No.
00:34:25.000 He tries to play like a like a New York City guy.
00:34:28.000 Yeah.
00:34:28.000 Oh, yeah.
00:34:28.000 Yeah.
00:34:28.000 He's a murderer or something.
00:34:30.000 Yeah. 0.95
00:34:31.000 Yeah.
00:34:31.000 Kiefer Sutherland's the voice on the phone.
00:34:33.000 Right.
00:34:33.000 Yes.
00:34:34.000 Yeah.
00:34:34.000 And he's like, hey, listen, you don't gotta shoot me like I'm a New Yorker.
00:34:38.000 So like, I'm John Travolta.
00:34:40.000 Yeah.
00:34:40.000 I'm in Saturday Night Fever.
00:34:42.000 Don't touch the hair.
00:34:43.000 Yeah.
00:34:44.000 Can you do John Travolta's Saturday Night Fever?
00:34:46.000 John Travolta's Saturday Night Fever.
00:34:48.000 No.
00:34:49.000 No, that's pretty good.
00:34:50.000 It's Anthony's again.
00:34:50.000 Okay.
00:34:51.000 It's Anthony Comey's impression of that.
00:34:53.000 That's fine.
00:34:53.000 I'll take it.
00:34:54.000 I always give credit, you know.
00:34:56.000 Don't touch the hair.
00:34:58.000 Don't touch the hair, right?
00:35:00.000 What about the guy from Fast Times at Bridgemont High who's got blue oyster cooking? 1.00
00:35:03.000 You dick! 0.99
00:35:05.000 No, not Jeff Spicoli, the one with the tickets. 1.00
00:35:07.000 Everyone can do Jeff Spicoli.
00:35:09.000 Mr. Hand!
00:35:10.000 Oh, this is great iced tea.
00:35:12.000 Yeah, that guy.
00:35:14.000 Wherever you are, that's the place to be.
00:35:17.000 You're gonna have side two of Led Zeppelin fall.
00:35:20.000 Oh my god, that made me embarrassed.
00:35:21.000 That guy's the coolest.
00:35:23.000 Yeah, it's really cool to knock up a chick and not show up for her abortion. 1.00
00:35:27.000 We agree.
00:35:27.000 Maybe he's pro-life and he was offended by it.
00:35:29.000 Yeah, right?
00:35:30.000 Yeah.
00:35:30.000 That was my seed.
00:35:32.000 I'm not gonna show up while you murder your fucking baby. 1.00
00:35:35.000 What am I, an animal? 1.00
00:35:38.000 I like iced tea and stuff.
00:35:40.000 Alright, we're running out of time and we gotta go shoot some Walt Kowalski stuff.
00:35:48.000 What?
00:35:49.000 Oh, the liquor store is going to close soon, too.
00:35:53.000 Are we out of impressions?
00:35:54.000 Is that all you got?
00:35:55.000 Is that all you got?
00:35:56.000 Can you do P.O.D.?
00:35:58.000 P.O.D.?
00:35:59.000 Take your best shot.
00:36:00.000 Is that all you got?
00:36:02.000 The band, right?
00:36:03.000 Yeah.
00:36:05.000 I feel like a fly.
00:36:10.000 No one asks someone to do an impression of a band.
00:36:12.000 Hey, here's a tough impression.
00:36:14.000 Can you do the beginning of Miami Vice, the original show?
00:36:17.000 Here, I'll play it for you, and then you see if you can just do it.
00:36:20.000 But while I look that up,
00:36:31.000 Let's see if you can do... Let's see if we've got all your impressions.
00:36:35.000 Is that it?
00:36:35.000 Well, you know which one I've tried to do in front of you, and I've done it like three times, and I haven't gotten one comment from you about it.
00:36:42.000 The Samuel L. Jackson?
00:36:44.000 Oh yeah, do Morgan Freeman!
00:36:46.000 See?
00:36:46.000 To the folks at home.
00:36:48.000 I hate Samuel Jackson. 0.84
00:36:49.000 His face puts me in a bad mood. 1.00
00:36:52.000 With the all new Capital One credit card, you can get 5% off all your shit. 0.99
00:36:58.000 Sounds like a southern cook who makes fried chicken who is related to Samuel Jackson, like his brother or his cousin or something. 0.99
00:37:06.000 I hate the way Samuel Jackson, every time he's wearing a suit it looks like he's never worn a suit before and he's super uncomfortable.
00:37:12.000 And then he has that thing that Ice Cube does where I'm scared of you. 0.96
00:37:15.000 He's like, I'm a big tough guy and I'm gonna fucking make you shake in your boots and you're like, you're my dad's age. 0.98
00:37:21.000 Right. 0.98
00:37:22.000 Like, how old is Ice Cube now?
00:37:24.000 Probably 60, 58 years old?
00:37:26.000 And he's like, hmm, I'm mad as hell. 1.00
00:37:29.000 What the fuck you done? 1.00
00:37:30.000 Get away from my daughter. 1.00
00:37:30.000 And you're like, man, it's Friday. 1.00
00:37:34.000 I'm coming out with another movie on Friday.
00:37:37.000 Yeah, it's like they have like non-veteran confidence.
00:37:41.000 Guys that are your age and your body type should have seen combat, if you're that confident.
00:37:46.000 And by the way, Ice Cube, when you have your jerry curls and you're in a low-riding vehicle that has hydraulic shocks, and you're in Compton and you have an M16, don't get me wrong, I'm pissing in my pants.
00:38:01.000 My panties are brown at the back.
00:38:03.000 But cut to now, and you're still... It's like Ice-T might as well be walking around in a plush Kangol jumpsuit going, I got the power!
00:38:13.000 Why play a cop now?
00:38:15.000 I used to be a rapper.
00:38:17.000 He used to rap about dead cops, now he's a cop on TV.
00:38:19.000 Yeah, that was a terrible Ice-T.
00:38:22.000 Yeah, I'm Ice-T. 0.99
00:38:23.000 My girlfriend has huge titties. 1.00
00:38:26.000 That's not as bad as the previous one, it's still pretty bad. 0.98
00:38:29.000 Let's cleanse the palate with some Morgan Freeman. 0.99
00:38:33.000 I'd like to say Andy Dufresne didn't get raped by the ladies. 1.00
00:38:37.000 What was it? 0.55
00:38:37.000 The sisters? 0.55
00:38:38.000 No, I don't know.
00:38:39.000 That's good though.
00:38:40.000 And then there's another one where you lean on me.
00:38:42.000 The younger Morgan Freeman.
00:38:44.000 Oh, he's got a little more pep in his stuff.
00:38:45.000 Yeah.
00:38:46.000 Don't mess with drugs, boy.
00:38:47.000 I'll toss you right off this roof now. 1.00
00:38:50.000 And then you have the low one, which talks about penguins.
00:38:53.000 He's a little more tired. 0.99
00:38:56.000 He's been through some shit. 0.99
00:38:57.000 It's not Morgan Freeman. 0.99
00:38:59.000 Alright, this is what I want you to see if you can do.
00:39:01.000 You think you're good?
00:39:02.000 Let's see if you can do this. 0.97
00:39:13.000 Be like the black guy from Police Academy. 1.00
00:39:15.000 Yeah, you'd have to be like three of him.
00:39:20.000 Not that part though, right?
00:39:22.000 Like... The whole song.
00:39:24.000 I don't have to do that part.
00:39:25.000 I don't want to be able to tell the difference.
00:39:27.000 Okay.
00:39:28.000 Okay.
00:39:28.000 Come on in, Synth Sonic Drums.
00:39:35.000 This is where you come in.
00:39:39.000 Wait, take it back.
00:39:41.000 I couldn't hear it.
00:39:42.000 You did it.
00:39:43.000 You went over it.
00:39:44.000 Let me see here.
00:39:47.000 Okay, okay.
00:39:48.000 Cut it. 0.63
00:39:53.000 Can you pause it real quick?
00:39:55.000 That's rough.
00:40:09.000 That was great.
00:40:10.000 Thank you so much for appearing on my show, even though you were just sitting two feet away anyway.
00:40:14.000 Not a problem.
00:40:15.000 Oh, there's one we almost missed!
00:40:16.000 Mike Jordan Peterson.
00:40:18.000 Well, I think impressions are empirically hard to do.
00:40:22.000 You can't just accommodate.
00:40:23.000 They are bloody hard.
00:40:24.000 They are bloody hard to do.
00:40:26.000 You need to clean your room first. 0.97
00:40:28.000 Don't forget to clean your bloody room for Pete's sakes. 0.75
00:40:33.000 Well, what about Joe Rogan? 1.00
00:40:35.000 Yeah, that's a good point because he's a bad motherfucker, man. 1.00
00:40:39.000 There's like a study on there and apparently like it's good for if you're trying to do like karate kicks or something like that, you just take a kettlebell and just like, mmm, that's a bad motherfucker. 1.00
00:40:49.000 Wow! 0.99
00:40:50.000 You know what we gotta start doing?
00:40:51.000 Let's start calling these guys, getting them on the show and then playing quotes that they said.
00:40:56.000 Like Jordan Peterson saying,
00:40:58.000 To be honest, cleaning your room is bloody irrelevant.
00:41:03.000 I don't know, I just locked on that, and I stole it from Gavin McInnes.
00:41:08.000 But it just became a big thing, and now I run with it. 0.96
00:41:11.000 It's bloody ridiculous. 0.87
00:41:12.000 Gavin McInnes said it as a joke one time, and I took it from him. 1.00
00:41:15.000 I said, wouldn't it be funny if I tricked these stupid fucking fans of mine? 0.99
00:41:20.000 And I just made him believe- We'll get Ezra Levant going, yeah, I hate Tommy Robinson. 1.00
00:41:25.000 I have no respect for him.
00:41:29.000 That's funny.
00:41:30.000 Oh, great.
00:41:31.000 We're printing.
00:41:32.000 I guess the missus assumes we're not recording.
00:41:35.000 Oh, I see.
00:41:36.000 Alright, so, CRTV.com, sign up, it's like 90 bucks a year, you get Get Off My Lawn, which is Monday to Thursday, then Monday and Tuesday, and then on that second week, you get CRTV Tonight.
00:41:47.000 You also get, that's another show I do, a talk show, and then you also get a show called After Hours, which is taking the guests from the CRTV Tonight and doing a more drawn-out, in-depth interview.
00:41:57.000 For example, this Friday we have Diamond & Silk.
00:42:01.000 Boy, is that annoying.
00:42:02.000 You know, I bought that on AirSign thinking it would work, but then I never used it.
00:42:09.000 Yeah, babe, we're recording a podcast and now there's printer sounds.
00:42:15.000 It was my daughter.
00:42:16.000 There is outside.
00:42:20.000 So yeah, go there, sign up, use the passcode Gavin.
00:42:22.000 I'm just kidding, Monch, I don't care. 1.00
00:42:25.000 And I like you more than a friend.
00:42:27.000 See you Friday.