Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - October 17, 2018


Get Off My Lawn Podcast #90 | I went on an involuntary road trip with two Harry Potter fans

Topics
Harry Potter muggle warts donating to cancer research
Hosted by
Gavin McInnes
Mentioned
Rowler Trump Obama Dennis Heitman Matt Peepshow Joe Rogan Florentine Spider-Man Superman Ryan William F. Buckley Fred Perry Fairweather Friends Shameless Plug Tommy Robinson Chester Brown Ann Coulter Oscar Goldman J.K. Rowling Jimi Hendrix and 32 more
Ep 197 | Saudi Excuse For Murder | Get Off My Lawn Ep 199 | What Are You Afraid Of Gov | Get Off My Lawn

Episode Stats


Length

42 minutes

Words per minute

182.83

Word count

7,816

Sentence count

733

Harmful content

Misogyny

26

sentences flagged

Toxicity

194

sentences flagged

Hate speech

45

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

This is a story about a guy who got caught with a knife in his bag at the airport by a TSA agent, and how he managed to get away with it. Also, we talk about the time a guy caught a knife on a plane, and the guy who caught him, and what he would do if he found a knife at an airport, and why it s even scarier than it is now. This episode is brought to you by Anchor.fm and produced by Riley Bray. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Art: Mackenzie Moore Music: Hayden Coplen Editor: Will Witwer Editing: Ben Kuklinski Mixer: Haley Shaw Special thanks to our sponsor, Caff Monster Monster! Thanks to everyone who sent in their stories, and we'll see you next week for the rest of the submissions! Thank you so much for all your support, and stay safe and stay tuned for next week's episode. Stay safe out there, everyone! Cheers, Cheers. Cheers! Cheers from the Chew, Chew and Chew. Chew & Chew! -Jon Jon - The Chew Chew's Dad, Jon "The Chew" Bumpkin and Jon "Bruh" Bunch of Chew & Jon "Sue" Babbitt John "Breezy" Jason "The Donut Man . Jon's Dad's story about how he almost got caught by TSA at the knife in the airport. Jon talks about his trip to NYC. and how it's not being caught by a bag with a bag full of knives in a bag at JFK Airport. And how he's going to make it back in time to New York City. Can't wait to go back to NYC with his next time in the next day to get a little bit in New York? Jon also talks about it. Don't forget to check it out! Jon doesn't have a bag that's better than this one, Jon's story from Boston, New York, so he's not having a knife? Can you do it, can he do it? and so much more! and he talks about how much better than that, Jon thinks it's gonna be better than you can do it in Boston, right?

Transcript

Transcripts from "Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 I went on an involuntary road trip with two boomer Harry Potter fans, and it changed my life forever.
00:00:08.000 I was in Boston.
00:00:09.000 I had a flight.
00:00:11.000 What did you drive?
00:00:12.000 It's four hours, dude.
00:00:14.000 So and I didn't pay for the flight.
00:00:16.000 It was a business thing.
00:00:18.000 And, uh, someone wanted to meet about a thing, and then I flew over there. 1.00
00:00:22.000 It was a stupid thing. 0.97
00:00:24.000 Came back, and it was ice, and there was some sort of problem with rain. 1.00
00:00:28.000 I can't remember exactly what, but there was zero flights.
00:00:31.000 And so I go, alright, well, I'll go rent a car.
00:00:33.000 You win, people who say you should drive.
00:00:35.000 I'll rent a car.
00:00:37.000 It's about the same.
00:00:38.000 DC, Boston, flying, or train, or car, it's all about the same.
00:00:43.000 But you don't have to worry about traffic with a plane.
00:00:44.000 Anyway, that's boring.
00:00:45.000 So, I say to the old cop, I wait in line, and everyone came up with this idea.
00:00:52.000 So all the rentals are done.
00:00:54.000 And so I say to this couple who's already got one of the last cars, I go, hey, how about we split it, and I'll go with you guys.
00:01:03.000 You're going to New York, right?
00:01:05.000 Yeah, we're going to Long Island or something, or Westchester, I can't remember what, a suburb.
00:01:09.000 And I go,
00:01:10.000 Well, I'll pay half your car.
00:01:12.000 And they're nerds, but not nerds in the nice way, like our kind of classic nerd with the pocket protector and the glasses, Revenge of the Nerds nerd.
00:01:20.000 I like those kind of nerds.
00:01:21.000 I mean normies, as my kids would say.
00:01:23.000 What do they call me?
00:01:25.000 A peasant normie? 0.97
00:01:27.000 That's the new insult that the kids are giving their parents today.
00:01:30.000 So they're peasant normies and they go, hmm, and then they, they, I think they might've been Jewish and they go, they're sort of like a Fred Armisen character. 0.80
00:01:40.000 You know that Fred Armisen character where he has the curly hair and he's really into like free range chicken and Carrie plays another sort of a boring vegan boomer type.
00:01:53.000 So they were like those two.
00:01:55.000 And he goes, hmm.
00:01:57.000 Actually, the more I think about it, the more perfect that example is.
00:02:00.000 Fred Armisen with glasses on and curly hair.
00:02:05.000 Remember he wants to see where the free-range chicken was raised and they go out to the farm and they meet this cult.
00:02:10.000 It's that kind of guy.
00:02:13.000 So he goes, ah, hold on a sec, hold on a sec.
00:02:15.000 Then he walks about 10 feet away.
00:02:17.000 I'm already annoyed.
00:02:18.000 I'm already thinking, you know what, I'll just go back to my friend's house and I'll take the next flight.
00:02:23.000 And he goes, hold on a sec.
00:02:25.000 He's intrigued.
00:02:26.000 And I know I look a little weird, like a killer, but I had a suit on and stuff, so it's not like I was wearing a leather jacket with studs on it.
00:02:34.000 And he confers.
00:02:36.000 And then he comes back, and they've made their mind, you know, I think she had a turtleneck on.
00:02:41.000 And, uh, he goes, okay, I'm just, I hope you don't mind, I want to check your bag. 0.99
00:02:46.000 He checks my fucking bag. 0.94
00:02:48.000 It was only like a one-day, two-day trip, so I only have a little tiny bag with me. 1.00
00:02:53.000 And he checks my bag.
00:02:54.000 It's a Jeremy Scott for Longchamp, by the way.
00:02:58.000 Telephones on it and stuff.
00:02:59.000 He checks it, sees my dirty underwear and everything, and lo and behold, no knife.
00:03:05.000 He goes, I just had to make sure you didn't have a weapon.
00:03:08.000 He was checking for a weapon. 0.95
00:03:11.000 Like I was gonna slit their throats or something? 0.69
00:03:13.000 Dude, life is not Netflix. 1.00
00:03:15.000 Chill the fuck out. 0.97
00:03:17.000 You know that I was on my way to getting a plane, right? 1.00
00:03:21.000 So I couldn't have caught the knife past security.
00:03:24.000 Where was the knife?
00:03:25.000 Did I hide it in a garbage?
00:03:26.000 Like under a thing?
00:03:27.000 Under an ATM?
00:03:28.000 On the off chance that my flight is cancelled?
00:03:31.000 And then I can retrieve it and go to the rental place. 0.99
00:03:34.000 Go with you guys and slit your throats, but you caught me. 0.99
00:03:38.000 You caught me by checking the bag. 1.00
00:03:39.000 What would he have done if he found a knife?
00:03:41.000 And he's like, well, well, well, what do we have here?
00:03:46.000 Nice try. 0.97
00:03:47.000 One of the scariest psychotic murderers of all time. 0.81
00:03:51.000 Even scarier than that, uh, what's his name? 0.99
00:03:54.000 Monster? 1.00
00:03:54.000 When that chick, that South African chick dressed up as an ugly lesbian and shot men in the head. 1.00
00:04:00.000 Even scarier than that! 1.00
00:04:02.000 And I caught you.
00:04:03.000 Dude, if you search someone's bag at an airport and you are about to go on a trip with them and they have a knife, run. 0.99
00:04:10.000 You are with a complete homicidal maniac.
00:04:16.000 What if it was just a Leatherman? 0.82
00:04:19.000 Like, I've brought my Leatherman on a- uh, not on a plane, they always catch me, but I've accidentally packed my Leatherman a million times.
00:04:26.000 And then you have to put it in a little envelope and then they check it as luggage.
00:04:30.000 Uh, what if it was a Leatherman?
00:04:32.000 What would he have said then?
00:04:33.000 You have a Leatherman. 0.61
00:04:34.000 You can't come with us.
00:04:35.000 Maybe he would have said, OK, this is dangerous.
00:04:40.000 I'll put it in my pocket and then I'll give it to you when we arrive, just like the airport does.
00:04:45.000 But then you are considering the possibility that I'm a murderer and you're still getting in a car with me.
00:04:51.000 Dude, if I'm a murderer, I'm going to get that knife.
00:04:54.000 Actually, if I'm a murderer, I don't need a knife. 0.93
00:04:56.000 You'll be driving. 1.00
00:04:57.000 I'll just start punching the face and I'll bite off your wife's nose and stuff. 1.00
00:05:03.000 It was a really bizarre little Czech thing. 1.00
00:05:06.000 You know what it was, I'm realizing now?
00:05:08.000 It's one of these suburbanites that never really lived in a city, and so their danger zone, stranger danger, is based on movies and stuff.
00:05:17.000 So maybe he did see Charlize Theron in Monster and was like, just gotta make sure we're not dealing with the Charlize.
00:05:25.000 So anyway, I pass the knife test, and we get in the car, and uh, everything's cordial, and I'm obviously being super agreeable, right?
00:05:35.000 But um, I'm a conversation guy.
00:05:38.000 And if we're gonna be in the road for four hours, we can have a lot of fun.
00:05:42.000 What's the worst fight you ever had with your sister?
00:05:44.000 Is a nice one I like to start with.
00:05:45.000 I actually do a- did a podcast called Can I Ask You a Question?
00:05:48.000 And I asked Fred Armisen that.
00:05:51.000 He didn't have anything.
00:05:52.000 He always got along really well with his sister.
00:05:53.000 I think he had a fight over, uh, you know that phone that has wheels that makes a funny little sound?
00:05:59.000 I think, uh, I think he wanted it and she had it.
00:06:02.000 That's seriously as bad as it gets.
00:06:03.000 And then you talk to other couples, other kids, and they're like, I guess, I talked to this black chick on the same podcast, and she goes, I guess the worst fight we ever had was when he tried to kill me.
00:06:15.000 Speaking of knives, she locked herself in the bathroom, and they had those cheap, you know those doors that Canadians punch through all the time? 0.99
00:06:21.000 It's like Melba toast, and then wavy cardboard, and then Melba toast.
00:06:28.000 So it's not really a door.
00:06:30.000 It's, it's almost like the door of an SNL set that you're about to just sort of move to another room for when they need it in the next sketch.
00:06:37.000 It's not a real door.
00:06:39.000 It probably weighs a hundred ounces.
00:06:43.000 So, um, he's, she has one of those doors in her house.
00:06:47.000 She locks it and then he starts plunging the knife and it's going chink, just like right out of The Shining. 1.00
00:06:52.000 It's going zink, zink, zink, zink coming out of the door.
00:06:57.000 Hell of a dichotomy.
00:06:58.000 That's a really good podcast.
00:07:00.000 It's on my YouTube channel.
00:07:01.000 It's called, Can I Ask You a Question?
00:07:04.000 And it didn't do very well for some reason.
00:07:07.000 I thought it was good.
00:07:08.000 I asked about 12 celebrities the same 10 questions and then edited it.
00:07:12.000 It cost me three grand with an editor.
00:07:14.000 Edited it into 13 celebrities per one question, right?
00:07:23.000 So we could have gone into that.
00:07:24.000 What does your dad do?
00:07:25.000 Where are your parents from?
00:07:26.000 What's it like growing up?
00:07:27.000 Oh, you grew up there?
00:07:28.000 Like, what's the demographics there?
00:07:29.000 Was it mostly Jewish?
00:07:30.000 Mostly WASP-y? 0.97
00:07:31.000 Was there tension?
00:07:32.000 Blah, blah, blah.
00:07:33.000 I mean, we were all old.
00:07:35.000 We were all in our, probably, I was probably 38 and they were probably, like, early 40s.
00:07:41.000 So we're all the same age.
00:07:43.000 We could talk about the 70s.
00:07:45.000 Jesus, we could talk about a million things.
00:07:47.000 So we get in the car.
00:07:49.000 And they're pulling, we're pulling out and we get sort of calibrated.
00:07:52.000 We're on the highway.
00:07:53.000 I think it's just basically one big road the whole way there.
00:07:57.000 And, uh, is it the 95?
00:07:59.000 And, uh, so we're headed to New York City.
00:08:02.000 Things are looking good.
00:08:04.000 And I'm sort of sitting in the back and I'm, I'm, I'm polite and I got my little L'Enchant bag and I don't have my headphones on.
00:08:10.000 And, uh, they, the wife says, uh, we do this thing and she has this tone. 0.68
00:08:16.000 I've noticed this with suburbanites. 1.00
00:08:18.000 She has this tone where I'm gonna like her stupid gay thing. 1.00
00:08:23.000 And she goes... My husband and I do this thing where I read him Harry Potter. 1.00
00:08:29.000 We're sort of Harry Potter heads, whatever the fuck they're called. 0.99
00:08:33.000 Rowlers. 0.98
00:08:34.000 We're kind of rowlers.
00:08:36.000 And what we do on these long drives is I'll read him the story.
00:08:42.000 And, you know, it's sort of like a book on tape.
00:08:46.000 Are we in Portlandia? 1.00
00:08:48.000 Who the fuck are you? 1.00
00:08:49.000 First of all, if you're reading the coolest book in the world, if you're reading Mark Levin or, you know, some really heady Dostoevsky or Love and War and Peace or something, that would be okay, I guess. 1.00
00:09:05.000 But if you're gonna do that, by the way, why wouldn't you just have the book on tape itself?
00:09:10.000 Like with my book on tape, Shameless Plug, Death of Cool, there's sound effects in there and when there's a- I'm talking about my old punk bands, I have tapes of the old punk bands and you can hear the live shows and I have actors.
00:09:21.000 In fact, get this!
00:09:23.000 The black girl I just told you about who has the knife going through the wall, I think she plays a prostitute who robs me. 1.00
00:09:30.000 Yeah, she's in the book too. 0.99
00:09:33.000 But to hear your wife read you a book, could you be a bigger peasant noob?
00:09:43.000 I was shocked.
00:09:44.000 You know, one of my least favorite words in the English language, and it's so overused, is atrocious.
00:09:49.000 But I think this might be one of the few times where it would be okay to say, it was atrocious.
00:09:56.000 So she gets out there and she goes, uh, and by the way, you're going to be, are you, are you a Potterhead?
00:10:01.000 Are you a Rowler? 0.99
00:10:02.000 And I politely say no, because I'm fucking 38 and not 12. 0.99
00:10:09.000 That's a children's book. 0.99
00:10:10.000 That's the Hardy Boys you're reading.
00:10:12.000 I don't, it's like, what's his name?
00:10:15.000 So it was a guest on Kumia's show, I'm drawing a blank, but they were talking about Star Wars and they go, you gonna watch the new Star Wars?
00:10:22.000 And he goes, no.
00:10:23.000 And they go, oh, why not? 1.00
00:10:24.000 And he goes, because I'm not a fucking kid. 0.99
00:10:29.000 Florentine? 0.99
00:10:30.000 He's got a 14-year-old son, right?
00:10:30.000 Florentine.
00:10:32.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:10:32.000 Yeah.
00:10:33.000 He eats ketchup too.
00:10:34.000 He's like, why am I going to put ketchup on French fries?
00:10:36.000 What am I, five years old?
00:10:39.000 Just eat the French fries.
00:10:43.000 Yeah, why do they got to be covered in sugary tomatoes?
00:10:46.000 It's sugar sauce.
00:10:48.000 Angry at ketchup.
00:10:49.000 It's over.
00:10:50.000 Yeah, I understand that.
00:10:52.000 Well, the only thing worse than going to see Star Wars is being super into it and talking about it.
00:10:57.000 And, you know, sometimes I look at these millennial Twitter feeds and there's all these anime pictures.
00:11:02.000 And if you look at comics now, and I'm not talking about Batman and Superman, but the more sort of, we used to call them alternative comics back in the day.
00:11:09.000 And in my day, alternative comics would be like, um, I think it was called Peep Show?
00:11:17.000 Dennis?
00:11:19.000 Hershorn?
00:11:20.000 Dennis Heitman? 1.00
00:11:21.000 Ah, fuck, I'm useless at remembering anything at this age. 0.99
00:11:23.000 But he would- he was this big, fat, sort of jock guy who had a crazy life, and he worked on the oil rigs and stuff, and he'd have different people animate his stuff. 0.99
00:11:32.000 Or, you know, you had, uh, uh, um, you had Chester Brown, you had Seth, they were pretty- pretty middle-of-the-road, but you had, like, uh, the other guy in that trio, Matt Peepshow.
00:11:44.000 That- he did Peepshow.
00:11:45.000 What the hell was it called?
00:11:46.000 He did a-
00:11:47.000 Fairweather Friends was another book he did.
00:11:48.000 But anyway, his was like his addiction to porn and breaking up with a girl and how he couldn't get it up for this girl.
00:11:53.000 Like there was some masculinity or some danger in it, you know? 0.96
00:11:59.000 Some puking and stuff.
00:12:00.000 But these comics today, they all have this same sort of vibe.
00:12:04.000 And it's this sad, big-headed person looking down and like going back to bed and snuggling a cat. 0.83
00:12:11.000 And saying I'm useless. 1.00
00:12:13.000 There's a real like, I'm a loser. 0.98
00:12:14.000 That's not what I'm talking about, Ryan. 0.98
00:12:16.000 But you like, I'm a loser and I'm so lazy and I just want to sit here with my cat and eat Cheetos and just like, I think I guess what I'm looking at is really fat, lonely people drawing skinny people, but maintaining the personality of the sad fatty. 0.99
00:12:33.000 So I hate that culture. 0.99
00:12:35.000 I hate that sort of I'm a baby thing.
00:12:38.000 And these peasant noobs were taking that to the boomer age. 0.59
00:12:43.000 Wait a minute.
00:12:44.000 They were 40s.
00:12:44.000 They were Gen X. They just had adopted boomer tendencies.
00:12:48.000 I guess I shouldn't have called them boomers.
00:12:49.000 Technically, they're my generation. 0.74
00:12:52.000 They may have even been younger than me, for all I know.
00:12:55.000 Boomer's a state of mind, man.
00:12:56.000 It's like punk.
00:12:58.000 You gotta, actually, punk, let's just settle it right now.
00:13:01.000 Yes, punk is a state of mind.
00:13:03.000 From the age of 13 till 21-ish?
00:13:09.000 You cannot be a 22-year-old punk.
00:13:11.000 Sorry. 1.00
00:13:12.000 If you're going on tour with, if you're Fat Mike, and you're on tour with a Mohawk, I mean, unless you're rancid and you're getting paid a million dollars, you are fucking ridiculous. 1.00
00:13:25.000 Age gracefully. 0.99
00:13:25.000 You can still wear Dr. Martens. 0.99
00:13:27.000 You can still wear short pants.
00:13:29.000 You can wear a Harrington and a Fred Perry.
00:13:31.000 You can even maybe wear suspenders, possibly? 0.99
00:13:35.000 But, like, blue hair and fucking neck tattoos and 1.00
00:13:39.000 Rings? 1.00
00:13:40.000 With a corrosion of conformity thing?
00:13:42.000 Or even calling yourself a punk? 0.97
00:13:43.000 Punk till I die, man!
00:13:45.000 And going to punk shows?
00:13:46.000 That's not what it was about.
00:13:48.000 It was about, hope I die before I get old.
00:13:50.000 It was about live fast, die young.
00:13:52.000 Some people like, Die Snow took it a little too literally, but um...
00:13:57.000 Yeah, it was a youth culture movement.
00:14:00.000 The important word there being youth.
00:14:04.000 Anyway, sorry, I'm stretching that out.
00:14:06.000 That's not Harry Potter.
00:14:07.000 Harry Potter is for babies. 0.84
00:14:09.000 He's a wizard.
00:14:10.000 You know why J.K.
00:14:11.000 Rowling wrote that book?
00:14:12.000 Because her life sucked because she was a single mother who was broke. 1.00
00:14:15.000 I believe she was staying in a shelter. 0.86
00:14:18.000 And she felt bad because she clearly was negligent if she's living in a place like Scotland, especially Edinburgh, which is drowning in welfare.
00:14:27.000 So you already blew it by being a single mom, but you blew it again by not taking advantage of all their insane programs where they basically give you a house if you're on welfare and ending up in a shelter. 1.00
00:14:40.000 Maybe she was a fucking drug addict. 1.00
00:14:42.000 Oh my god! 1.00
00:14:43.000 Come to think of it, that book
00:14:47.000 Has some intense creativity in it.
00:14:50.000 The kind of creativity you often get from a little thing called heroin.
00:14:56.000 Is it possible J.K.
00:14:58.000 Rowling wrote that book, which is basically Alice in Wonderland, which was written on opioids?
00:15:04.000 Is it possible she wrote that book high?
00:15:07.000 Are you allowed to ask that question?
00:15:09.000 J.K.
00:15:10.000 Rowling, the junkie mom of Britain.
00:15:12.000 Thanks, J.K.
00:15:13.000 So anyway, we're reading this junkie book. 0.98
00:15:16.000 But no, so she wrote that as a way for her son, whose life clearly sucked, she's in a cafe, I think I was at the cafe, not because I was a fucking Rowler, and I made up that word, Rowler, by the way, but because I was in Edinburgh at the time and it was just there and then on the wall I go, this is where she wrote the fucking book on heroin. 0.93
00:15:38.000 It is a thing, but it's not for J.K. 0.88
00:15:41.000 Rowling fans.
00:15:42.000 Oh.
00:15:43.000 Yeah.
00:15:44.000 You're only half listening, dude.
00:15:46.000 So you're slowing the pace of the show.
00:15:48.000 This is not exactly Joe Rogan's guy.
00:15:50.000 Joe Rogan's guy is paying attention.
00:15:52.000 Now, either pay attention 100% or 0%. 0.99
00:15:54.000 You're gonna fucking show me what a Rowler is? 0.98
00:15:59.000 Thank you. 0.99
00:16:01.000 What is a Rowler?
00:16:02.000 Now I have to know.
00:16:04.000 The word Rowler characterizes an individual with a frisky attitude.
00:16:07.000 Yada yada yada.
00:16:09.000 What? 0.98
00:16:10.000 That's a very gay word. 0.97
00:16:11.000 Look at the rowler giving the waitress a tough time. 0.96
00:16:14.000 That sounds like an 80-year-old being controversial.
00:16:18.000 We walked in there, and I'm gonna be frank with you, there was a couple of rowlers there. 1.00
00:16:22.000 You don't say!
00:16:23.000 Yeah, and I'm not adverse to a little bit of rowling once in a while.
00:16:28.000 So,
00:16:34.000 She wrote that book as a way to say to him, I know this sucks, but here, go into this wonderful Neverland where you're actually secretly magic and you have to hide it.
00:16:44.000 And all these people around you at this cafe, they're muggles and they're normal people and you don't like them. 1.00
00:16:51.000 It's weird that these normies reading me the book are the enemies of Harry Potter in the story, right?
00:16:57.000 He's a magic guy who goes to a magic place where he goes to a magic school.
00:17:00.000 I guess he was also trying to make school seem fun.
00:17:02.000 And school was probably the nicest place he goes to, her son. 0.99
00:17:07.000 Now he's probably a cokehead lunatic with a Ferrari. 1.00
00:17:11.000 That'd be funny if you check in on J.K. 0.99
00:17:14.000 He's a total Chad douche with a blonde crew cut and gold chains.
00:17:14.000 Rowling, son.
00:17:20.000 He hangs out with Russian oligarchs and just only fucks trannies. 1.00
00:17:28.000 Anyway, um, so that's what the book was written for, and I resent adults living in children's fantasies. 1.00
00:17:36.000 It bores the shit out of me. 0.97
00:17:38.000 Like, you go to see Spider-Man, which, by the way, has also been ruined by affirmative action, and it has to be about political correctness, and in the last one they don't go into the Washington Monument because it was built by slaves. 0.98
00:17:48.000 What?
00:17:49.000 Why are you guys adding slavery to a Spider-Man story?
00:17:51.000 And I was at that movie, by the way, because I have kids, not because I was on my way to check out Spidey, not because my Spidey senses were tingling. 0.98
00:18:00.000 And Spider-Man was clearly made for seven-year-old nerds who get the crap beat out of them and feel like shit, and they want to pretend, just like Harry Potter, that they actually are secretly badasses who could kick the shit out of anyone they wanted to. 0.98
00:18:14.000 That's what's really going on here. 1.00
00:18:16.000 You go ahead and bully me.
00:18:18.000 Go ahead and break my glasses. 1.00
00:18:20.000 I could spin a web around you, turn you into a papoose, and then send you hurling against those bricks right through the wall and you'd all be dead. 0.99
00:18:30.000 Maybe that's what Columbine is. 0.99
00:18:31.000 They didn't read enough superhero comics.
00:18:35.000 Um, so yeah, it's for kids to fantasize. 0.99
00:18:38.000 Loser nerds to fantasize. 0.97
00:18:39.000 And I think that's very healthy. 0.98
00:18:41.000 You know, give these kids an out.
00:18:42.000 You're getting bullied and you don't want to talk to your parents about it?
00:18:45.000 Yeah, pretend you're Superman.
00:18:47.000 Awesome.
00:18:48.000 Love it.
00:18:49.000 But I'm an old guy now.
00:18:52.000 And if someone's beating me up, I'm either gonna beat them up or try to get some friends to help me beat this guy up who keeps beating me up.
00:19:00.000 Or call the police.
00:19:03.000 Not go home and pretend that I have a super suit. 0.99
00:19:09.000 Anyway, so we're in this car, in this child's, this single junkie mom's, and please don't sue me, JK Rowling, it's all conjecture, this is comedy, in this junkie single mom's fantasy world for a loser kid who lives in a shithole. 0.97
00:19:24.000 Doesn't interest me at all, but it gets worse. 0.99
00:19:27.000 So as she's reading this story about how, and you get up to the wall and you can't say the name and the way that the palace school is hidden is when you get near the wall you suddenly forget what you're doing and you turn around and like Dr. Seuss shit! 0.95
00:19:41.000 Not even cool fiction, like Lord of the Rings. 0.85
00:19:44.000 It's just little riddles, and oh, there's Voldemort, and Gribblegob, and oh, hi, Boggan, I'm Chibbles, oh, hello!
00:19:54.000 Like, they sound like breakfast cereals.
00:19:57.000 And as she's telling me the story, she goes, now you're probably going to get lost if you're not a Rowler, but my husband here will fill you in on some of the more complex details.
00:20:10.000 So she's reading and reading.
00:20:11.000 And by the way, here's the problem.
00:20:13.000 They lived, I think, in Westchester, which is, the way the suburbs works in New York is there's basically two.
00:20:18.000 There's Long Island,
00:20:20.000 Which I think tends to be more blue-collar, Italian, Jewish, and then there's Westchester, which is also Jewish, but slightly more upper-middle class, and that's Protestants, and then you get more Connecticut, then you get more sort of William F. Buckley, Ann Coulter-y, kind of up the Westchester coast, Connecticut ways.
00:20:41.000 So, that's still pretty far out.
00:20:43.000 Of New York City, and I'm trying to get back to the city.
00:20:45.000 So I'm trying to ingratiate myself with them because they had implied that if things go well, they may dip down to the city.
00:20:53.000 So... I gotta kiss some ass. 1.00
00:20:55.000 So I go, alright, let's... let's go on the Potter train! 1.00
00:20:58.000 Yeah!
00:21:00.000 So they're telling the story, and then Harry walks into a room full of muggle warts. 1.00
00:21:07.000 And then the dad, they sort of close their eyes, smiling like, oh my god, this must sound so crazy to someone who's not familiar with muggle warts. 0.98
00:21:18.000 And so he sort of sighs, almost like it's him that's kooky.
00:21:22.000 Like if he was playing the guitar really awesomely, like Jimi Hendrix, he'd go...
00:21:27.000 Sorry, I kinda have been playing guitar my entire life, so yeah, I can kinda shred.
00:21:33.000 That's what I do.
00:21:35.000 I'm a shredder. 0.99
00:21:38.000 Don't put all important documents up my ass and I'll play the guitar and they'll get shredded. 0.99
00:21:43.000 That's how I roll. 0.99
00:21:46.000 That's how he's, that's his tone.
00:21:47.000 So he sort of smiles and he goes, muggle warts are things, and then I forget what it was, it's like things you can't see unless you're in a bad mood and then they fly up your nose and fart and then a giant orange tangerine lands in your hands which you got to eat and then you can fly for two days unless you fart and then you have to land again and apologize to a black crow with a human face. 0.94
00:22:11.000 Okay, got it.
00:22:12.000 That's a muggle wart. 1.00
00:22:13.000 Let's keep going with the story.
00:22:15.000 And I've got like books on tape and this is back before I had kids so I was into music and I got a million things I could be listening to.
00:22:23.000 I don't want to listen to you.
00:22:25.000 And of course it's just like sort of like when you have to go pee but you're feeling really lazy and you manage to put it off and put it off and put it off and the need to pee starts creeping up to the level of lazy.
00:22:36.000 And then once it exceeds X and Y becomes 3.7, well then you get up and you go pee, because it's easier.
00:22:45.000 So the lazy person would prefer to pee than to sit there and suffer in pain.
00:22:48.000 And I was suffering in pain.
00:22:51.000 So eventually I put on my headphones and I listened to whatever it was, and the way I said it was I go...
00:22:59.000 Um, I am, this book's great, and I'm not a huge Harry Potter guy though, and I'd hate you to take offense to this, but I really want to listen to something I've been listening to, podcast or whatever it was at the time.
00:23:14.000 So I was wondering if I could just sort of maybe put my headphones, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't, I don't, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's fine, that's fine.
00:23:21.000 That was an error.
00:23:23.000 Because I had said to them, you're peasant noobs. 1.00
00:23:27.000 And, uh, you're fucking gay. 1.00
00:23:29.000 In the 8th grade sense of the word. 1.00
00:23:31.000 I don't give a fuck what a mug award is. 1.00
00:23:34.000 I think you're both losers. 1.00
00:23:36.000 I think you have nothing to offer the world. 0.99
00:23:40.000 I'm totally disappointed that you're unable to hold a normal conversation.
00:23:44.000 Um...
00:23:46.000 You know, you go on a road trip with Tommy Robinson, you're stopping to get beers every four miles.
00:23:51.000 Could we get some beers in us?
00:23:53.000 Driver doesn't have to drink.
00:23:54.000 No, that's a- We could be pissing out the window.
00:23:56.000 We have to pee too bad.
00:23:57.000 I'm not asking for that much.
00:23:59.000 But this could have been so much. 1.00
00:24:01.000 And yeah, I don't care that you're a loser. 0.99
00:24:03.000 Like a nerd who's never done drugs or anything. 0.99
00:24:05.000 That's interesting too!
00:24:06.000 I mean, you probably have an aunt who got into trouble.
00:24:11.000 Tell me about that!
00:24:12.000 Or maybe you could interrogate me. 0.99
00:24:13.000 I got stories out the fucking wazoo! 0.99
00:24:16.000 Traveled all over the world, lived all over the world. 0.99
00:24:18.000 You want to hear about it?
00:24:19.000 I don't want to hear about muggle warts. 1.00
00:24:22.000 That's going backwards.
00:24:23.000 I actually hate fiction.
00:24:26.000 Because you're in someone else's brain.
00:24:29.000 That's like saying your imagination isn't good enough.
00:24:32.000 What?
00:24:33.000 You just made that up.
00:24:34.000 I'm not gleaning anything from that.
00:24:36.000 Like, if it was a true story, I'd go, yeah, I heard about this couple.
00:24:39.000 I mean, how can you be friends with someone?
00:24:56.000 That you're sexually attracted to and not try to close a deal at least once.
00:24:58.000 Oh, I actually knew someone like this, John.
00:25:00.000 Went to med school.
00:25:01.000 There must be something else going on there, though.
00:25:01.000 Really?
00:25:03.000 Maybe he's gay? 0.99
00:25:04.000 Like, there'd be... Like, the whole thing about humanity is memes. 0.86
00:25:09.000 And no, I don't mean a picture of Pepe the Frog with, uh, I'd like to rock below it.
00:25:15.000 That was a terrible meme I just invented.
00:25:18.000 I'm talking about the literal dictionary definition of the word meme, and that means to convey stories, and I've said this a million times, but bear with me.
00:25:27.000 If a lion eats a monkey, the monkey can't do anything about it when it- like, say a mon- oh, sorry. 0.55
00:25:34.000 Say a lion bites a monkey's foot off.
00:25:36.000 The monkey comes back to the tribe, the pack, and he points to his foot and screams and they go, oh, that seems- they express sympathy.
00:25:45.000 Maybe if they're super advanced they have some way to cauterize it with sap or something, I don't know.
00:25:50.000 And ideally the monkey lives, doesn't get infected.
00:25:52.000 They're probably a pretty good immune system to live out there in the jungle with all those bugs.
00:25:57.000 And no one learns anything.
00:25:59.000 If a human who has speech, which is basically all of humanity, I don't know how long we didn't have speech for, probably like three days.
00:26:06.000 If a human doesn't have a, gets his foot bitten off by a lion, he comes back and he goes, okay, guys.
00:26:12.000 You know those giant cats with the huge teeth?
00:26:15.000 Not friendly.
00:26:16.000 They may look cuddly, not friendly. 0.96
00:26:18.000 If we're gonna kill them, we have to do it from far away and have a really good escape plan that's in a tree or something. 1.00
00:26:23.000 Maybe drop a rock on their head, I don't know. 0.99
00:26:24.000 But even trees I think they can climb pretty good.
00:26:27.000 Alright, got it.
00:26:28.000 Now I have your experience.
00:26:31.000 Now I have been bitten by a tiger or a lion, and I know that.
00:26:35.000 And now, we have the printing press, you write that down, print it out five million times, now five million people know, be wary of tigers, be wary of giant cats, they're dangerous.
00:26:46.000 Stranger danger.
00:26:48.000 And that's why humans are better than everyone else.
00:26:50.000 That's why I'm a species supremacist.
00:26:54.000 Because we can have, like, infinite lifetimes in our one lifetime.
00:26:59.000 The more you read, the more stories you hear, the more experienced you are.
00:27:02.000 You could have lived all over the world if you talked to someone.
00:27:04.000 You get a bunch of different insights.
00:27:06.000 If you interviewed a hundred people who had lived in China, different parts in China, like white or, you know, Western people who spoke English perfectly and understood Western culture, and they could tell you, here's the thing about the Chinese.
00:27:20.000 They want to save face.
00:27:21.000 So, they say they fall off a scooter and they hit their knee and their knee's bleeding like crazy.
00:27:26.000 They won't go, AHHHHH!
00:27:27.000 OW! 1.00
00:27:28.000 MY FUCKING KNEE! 1.00
00:27:29.000 HELP! 1.00
00:27:29.000 They'll just stand there, stoic, suffering, waiting for the ambulance. 1.00
00:27:32.000 So you'll just be walking down the streets in Taipei.
00:27:35.000 This is me telling you a true story, by the way.
00:27:37.000 And you'll just see this 30-year-old woman there, holding her knee with blood pouring down her leg. 1.00
00:27:42.000 Just looking like she's just waiting for a bus, and she's waiting for an ambulance. 0.89
00:27:47.000 And I hated that, by the way, living in Taipei.
00:27:50.000 I'm Scottish, so I need to know what's going on.
00:27:52.000 Do you hate me?
00:27:54.000 I actually am happy to hang out if you hate me.
00:27:57.000 But I need to know that.
00:27:58.000 It doesn't hurt my feelings.
00:28:00.000 I have friends who don't like me.
00:28:01.000 Jay Johnson, in L.A.
00:28:03.000 Not a fan of the G. I'm a fan of the J. 1.00
00:28:06.000 He's funny.
00:28:08.000 But, like, say you're at a thing and people don't want you to be there, I'll just leave.
00:28:12.000 I don't care.
00:28:13.000 I don't want to waste my time, though, with, like, fake smiling and stuff.
00:28:17.000 That's a total and utter waste of time.
00:28:20.000 It's sort of like sex, too.
00:28:23.000 You'd be trying to seduce a woman, and there's that weird zone where they want you to try really hard, even though they're pretending they don't, but you also don't want to get charged with rape or anything Me Too.
00:28:34.000 Now, this is back in the early 2000s when I was single, so there wasn't this sort of, I didn't like it two years later kind of stuff.
00:28:41.000 So you'd push it and push it, and then you'd realize, alright, this is a no.
00:28:45.000 But I didn't like that game.
00:28:47.000 I'm just like, do you want to do it or not?
00:28:48.000 I mean, I'll pretend that, you know, I'm really pushing it, but I'd rather just, you know, snotted right now. 1.00
00:28:56.000 And if you don't want to, good, I don't want to fuck someone who doesn't want to fuck me. 0.99
00:28:59.000 That's not, that's why I could never get prostitutes. 1.00
00:29:01.000 Because it's someone who is so repulsed by you and your penis, she has to put a latex thing on it to put it in her mouth. 1.00
00:29:09.000 That's like it's a dare, and it's a frozen piece of poo. 1.00
00:29:13.000 I don't want my, my dick's not a frozen piece of poo. 1.00
00:29:16.000 I want you to be crying you want it so bad. 1.00
00:29:21.000 Anyway, in China, you never know how people feel.
00:29:27.000 So if you, like I taught English there for a while and I'd get fired and they just leave a note on the door saying, Ching Sau has gone to Hong Kong to be, do secretarial work. 0.89
00:29:37.000 Thank you.
00:29:38.000 We will not need your services.
00:29:40.000 Oh, okay.
00:29:42.000 Does that mean I'm fired?
00:29:43.000 Should I come back next week?
00:29:45.000 And then they had- I got paid in these little coupons that you take back to the head office.
00:29:49.000 So there was like two weeks of coupons stuck to the door.
00:29:51.000 Alright, I guess I'm fired?
00:29:54.000 Now I found out later I was fired because I was gossiping with her and talking about sexual things. 1.00
00:30:01.000 Now allow me to elaborate before you freak out.
00:30:05.000 Um...
00:30:06.000 She'd never talked, and she had pretty good English.
00:30:09.000 A lot of the English teaching there, and if you get really established, you get to these kind of clients, and it's easiest clients.
00:30:15.000 They speak 97% perfect English, but they want to learn things like swear words, they want to learn things like, you say it's 10 after, you say it's 20 after, but then you don't say it's 30 after, you say it's 12-30, and then you say it's 10-2, but you never say it's 42, right?
00:30:33.000 Those kind of things?
00:30:35.000 Or, you know, a bird in the hand, colloquialisms and all that.
00:30:38.000 So it was that kind of class.
00:30:40.000 But she was still really quiet.
00:30:41.000 And I don't know how we got here, but she started talking about the housewives and what they do, and a lot of them have, like, Louis Vuitton purses, but we're all secretaries and stuff, we don't really make money, and how do you get that? 0.78
00:30:51.000 And she said, well, some of these women are prostitutes. 1.00
00:30:55.000 Like, they will sleep with someone else's husband, and they'll get money. 1.00
00:30:58.000 And I'm like, what?! !
00:31:03.000 Totally thrilled to hear that.
00:31:04.000 I'm a big gossip fan.
00:31:06.000 That's a Scottish thing.
00:31:07.000 How you doing?
00:31:08.000 You alright?
00:31:08.000 Nosey as ever!
00:31:10.000 So I'm getting this crazy gossip that there's just these exchanges.
00:31:14.000 It's kind of like the 80s with the boomers, but it's a financial transaction.
00:31:19.000 Hello, I would like to make love to you.
00:31:21.000 I've noticed you're at work.
00:31:22.000 Oh, that sounds reasonable.
00:31:24.000 I'm not attracted to you.
00:31:25.000 I'm attracted, actually not even attracted to my husband, but if I was to make love to someone, it would be him.
00:31:30.000 I understand.
00:31:31.000 How about a monetary compensation for that? 1.00
00:31:34.000 Like, for example, a Louis Vuitton purse if I was allowed to put my penis in your body. 1.00
00:31:41.000 Yes. 1.00
00:31:42.000 Yes.
00:31:43.000 Yes.
00:31:43.000 Yes.
00:31:44.000 Yes.
00:31:44.000 Let's do it.
00:31:45.000 Let's do it. 0.55
00:31:46.000 You can make love to me. 0.78
00:31:47.000 Alright.
00:31:49.000 And then there's a purse. 1.00
00:31:51.000 What the fuck? 0.99
00:31:52.000 That's the craziest thing I've ever heard. 1.00
00:31:53.000 What are you, people?
00:31:53.000 Robots?
00:31:55.000 Yes, kinda.
00:31:57.000 So we had a great sesh.
00:31:59.000 She was jabbering away.
00:32:01.000 And by the way, I was still at work the whole time. 0.95
00:32:02.000 So correcting her every time she says something wrong and it's pronounced Louis Vuitton and it's called anal, you know, no, it never got to that, but I'm correcting her. 0.73
00:32:11.000 So we're still at work. 0.92
00:32:12.000 So I thought it was a great sesh.
00:32:14.000 And I was kind of naive.
00:32:14.000 I was probably 20 at the time.
00:32:18.000 And, um,
00:32:21.000 The husband must have overheard.
00:32:23.000 That's not appropriate behavior.
00:32:24.000 Which I'm realizing now that I'm 48.
00:32:26.000 Yeah, I agree with you, Dad.
00:32:28.000 I agree with you. 0.86
00:32:29.000 I don't want some guy in my house talking to my wife about women who have sex for money. 1.00
00:32:34.000 Yeah, you're not coming back. 0.99
00:32:35.000 I'm realizing now a quarter century later that, yeah, that's not fucking cool, Gav. 0.93
00:32:42.000 But just tell me. 0.97
00:32:43.000 Just go, that was really fucking inappropriate, dude. 1.00
00:32:45.000 You're in a man's house talking about women who have sex with other guys for money. 1.00
00:32:50.000 Get the fuck out of here. 1.00
00:32:53.000 And I'd go, oh shit, yeah, sorry, I never thought of that. 1.00
00:32:56.000 What am I doing? 0.99
00:33:00.000 So, uh,
00:33:02.000 Uh, yeah.
00:33:03.000 I just like everything on the line.
00:33:05.000 But with them, with these two peasant noobs, with the Harry Potter stuff, I had to pretend I cared about them and their book. 0.98
00:33:10.000 And I just, just like having to go pee on the couch, I had to get up from the couch.
00:33:14.000 I'm sorry, I just can't take it anymore.
00:33:17.000 And they were pissed I'd insulted them. 0.95
00:33:20.000 And maybe I had brought to the forefront of their minds the possibility that what they're doing is really fucking lame. 0.86
00:33:28.000 I mean, I was scintillating at the beginning, and very nice and stuff, and I'm sure they must have respected my opinion a little bit. 0.99
00:33:36.000 It's not like I came in there chewing gum going, Hey, what's the biggest tits you ever seen in your life? 1.00
00:33:40.000 Like, not in a magazine or on a computer, I mean real life. 0.98
00:33:45.000 It's not like I was that guy.
00:33:50.000 So they sort of kept reading and I hope, you know what, I hope it occurred to them that their Harry Potter book was ridiculous and at the very least listen to a book on tape and at the very least listen to a book on tape that's of your demographic, of your age group, and at the very least make it a nonfiction book.
00:34:08.000 Jesus Christ, you guys could be, it's four hours we're in here.
00:34:11.000 I was probably listening to something very educational
00:34:16.000 So we get there and they drop me off in Westchester.
00:34:19.000 I think I split the... I think it was 400 bucks for the car.
00:34:22.000 You know, last-minute stuff.
00:34:24.000 And a drop-off was more expensive, so I gave them 200. 0.87
00:34:26.000 And then they drop me off in the middle of fucking Westchester, and I have to take a taxi home, and that's a hundred bucks. 0.90
00:34:36.000 So 300 bucks. 0.95
00:34:38.000 I was pissed, and I was new to New York, so I didn't realize the suburbs are still a hundred dollars away from the city.
00:34:46.000 And I guess one of the reasons I don't really tell this story that much is because the ending doesn't exist.
00:34:51.000 They just pull over and they say, thank you, goodbye.
00:34:53.000 They're still pissed, by the way.
00:34:54.000 Just like those Chinese people that I talk sexy to.
00:34:58.000 They were annoyed. 0.99
00:35:02.000 That I didn't like Harry fucking Potter. 0.99
00:35:05.000 What is going on in America where we are so into... This is the two things we're into. 0.98
00:35:12.000 Nazis are everywhere and little kids' culture rules.
00:35:18.000 And of course they conflate with, I think, two Star Wars ago where one of the writers said, in case he tweets out, in case there's any doubt, the Death Star is white supremacy. 0.99
00:35:30.000 And the fucking Jedis, whatever they're called, are the resistance. 1.00
00:35:38.000 It's like what Jim Goetz says, how brave. 1.00
00:35:41.000 How brave you are to be against Nazis.
00:35:46.000 What else are you, against pain and Mondays?
00:35:48.000 I hate divorce.
00:35:55.000 I hate cancer.
00:35:56.000 I hate leukemia.
00:35:58.000 I hate when kids get cancer.
00:36:00.000 I want to resist that.
00:36:02.000 Actually, they do do that. 1.00
00:36:03.000 They say, fuck cancer. 1.00
00:36:05.000 Oooh. 1.00
00:36:07.000 Cancer's shit in a brick, dude. 0.99
00:36:11.000 I have some bad news for you guys on that front. 1.00
00:36:14.000 Cancer is a well-funded... It's doing great.
00:36:17.000 As far as the money, it's a multi-trillion dollar industry, and no one wants cancer.
00:36:25.000 Everyone is freaking the fuck out about it.
00:36:26.000 So it is replete with funding.
00:36:30.000 It's doing great.
00:36:30.000 Prostate cancer could probably do better.
00:36:32.000 Breast cancer is sort of the winner as far as income goes. 1.00
00:36:36.000 But it's trillions and trillions of dollars.
00:36:39.000 They are drowning in cash.
00:36:41.000 They have state-of-the-art labs.
00:36:42.000 Their labs look like that, like CSI Miami, where they have those rooms where they can reenact the blood splatters.
00:36:49.000 And then they have another room where they can trace the paper of the wine bottle where it was manufactured.
00:36:56.000 Whenever I watch that show, I'm like, maybe these taxpayers don't quite need to be spending billions of dollars on the local Miami police lab.
00:37:05.000 It is a little too elaborate.
00:37:07.000 I don't need to know the paper of the wine.
00:37:09.000 You know what? 0.74
00:37:09.000 Let the killer go. 0.74
00:37:11.000 If it saves us two billion, let the guy with the wine paper go and we'll just catch the guy who still has the gun in his hand.
00:37:19.000 That's probably 99.9% of criminals anyway.
00:37:24.000 So when you have a marathon for your friends, and you have fuck cancer on your shirt, and I'm glad it brings you all together, but it is a totally meaningless gesture, and I feel mean saying this, but when you raise a thousand dollars, and then all your friends together manages to raise three, and the whole marathon 0.90
00:37:44.000 Which probably cost about $40,000, manages to raise $70,000. 0.81
00:37:48.000 Well, your net is $30,000.
00:37:52.000 And $30,000 is a grain of sand on the income of the cancer industry.
00:37:57.000 Yeah, the budget for the cancer industry.
00:38:01.000 Now, I'm not saying that's bad.
00:38:02.000 Good.
00:38:03.000 I don't want cancer.
00:38:04.000 Have a bunch of sand.
00:38:05.000 If there's one thing I want people are spending my money on,
00:38:08.000 It's cancer research.
00:38:09.000 Go bananas.
00:38:10.000 I'm not saying that they're rich and they drive limos.
00:38:12.000 I'm just saying you donating to that is like you, if you, if you like Trump and you send him 20 bucks, thanks.
00:38:21.000 Don't give any money to the government, Trump or otherwise.
00:38:24.000 You're throwing money in a paper shredder.
00:38:26.000 Remember Obama with Iraq? 0.91
00:38:28.000 I think he lost a pallet of, look that up, Ryan.
00:38:32.000 Obama, it was in Iraq or something, and there was just a giant pallet, I think it had... I always screw this up, 300 million, 3 billion?
00:38:39.000 It was 3 billion.
00:38:41.000 Just a pallet of cash! 1.00
00:38:42.000 Just left on some dumb Iraqi road. 1.00
00:38:45.000 Yeah, that was it, 3... 3 billion! 0.99
00:38:48.000 So you're like, I'm going to help out.
00:38:49.000 Oh, my son mowed a bunch of lawns and he's got the money.
00:38:53.000 He's going to send it to Trump.
00:38:54.000 Trump, Obama, the government doesn't know what they're doing with their money.
00:38:58.000 And they always do this too.
00:38:59.000 They go, you know, the schools need money.
00:39:01.000 If we could all pitch in.
00:39:02.000 It doesn't work like that.
00:39:03.000 It's like Indian tribes. 0.85
00:39:04.000 The money just stays at the top in the administration.
00:39:07.000 It never makes it to the actual reservation.
00:39:10.000 If you give a school money, it doesn't go to a kid getting a new calculator. 0.99
00:39:13.000 It goes to some bullshit administration. 0.99
00:39:15.000 Some of these principals and administrators are making hundreds of thousands of dollars. 1.00
00:39:20.000 School chancellors or whatever the fuck they're called. 1.00
00:39:23.000 Burn the whole thing to the ground. 0.99
00:39:24.000 It should be all charter schools.
00:39:25.000 Privatize the whole thing.
00:39:27.000 So yeah.
00:39:29.000 The reason I brought up this couple is not just because they were annoying, but because it's a general trend.
00:39:32.000 We're infantilized.
00:39:34.000 We're a bunch of wrinkled teenagers stuck in the past playing video games, grown men playing Fortnite, reading Harry Potter.
00:39:42.000 It's kind of the same as bitching about Nazis. 0.94
00:39:46.000 Bitching about Nazis is like teenager stuff. 0.98
00:39:48.000 I did it. 0.98
00:39:49.000 We used to fight Nazi skinheads. 0.66
00:39:51.000 The Nazis weren't... You know what it really was?
00:39:54.000 The punk kids fighting the Nazis?
00:39:56.000 It was middle-class kids fighting blue-collar kids.
00:39:59.000 The Nazi skinheads that were in my town were basically orphans, single moms, neglected. 0.99
00:40:05.000 They didn't have... They didn't read Mein Kampf.
00:40:07.000 And have this big agenda.
00:40:08.000 They just wanted to be shocking and mean and they kind of wanted revenge on society.
00:40:14.000 And we were rich kids who I think felt guilty that, you know, rich middle class.
00:40:19.000 We were middle class kids that felt guilty that our parents grew up blue collar and were tough and had a hardscrabble life and we'd have nothing but luxury and a swimming pool and a waterbed.
00:40:27.000 So we wanted some grit in our lives.
00:40:29.000 I think that's the same with Antifa today. 0.97
00:40:31.000 They feel bad about their middle class upbringing and they want to get punched in the face.
00:40:35.000 They want some culture. 0.78
00:40:38.000 And so it was almost like an S&M relationship because we would go to these Nazis and we would get beat up.
00:40:43.000 So they would give us the culture we needed and they would get the revenge we needed.
00:40:46.000 It was almost like a symbiotic relationship.
00:40:49.000 Supply and demand.
00:40:50.000 I need abuse because my life's been too good. 1.00
00:40:53.000 You need revenge because your life has sucked too much. 1.00
00:40:55.000 I had the childhood that you always wanted. 0.99
00:40:58.000 I had two loving parents that were always there for me and I was never for want of anything I needed. 0.99
00:41:03.000 Although I was, for want of a lot of shit, I wanted like a fucking bionic man and my mom got me Oscar Goldman and his fucking boss. 0.99
00:41:11.000 So my toys sucked, by the way. 1.00
00:41:13.000 That's the problem with being middle class when your parents grew up poor. 0.88
00:41:15.000 You get, for Christmas, you get like a soccer ball.
00:41:19.000 That's it.
00:41:19.000 My friend Tom Williams, he got a bag of chips.
00:41:22.000 One of his presents was a large bag of ketchup chips.
00:41:25.000 Wrapped!
00:41:28.000 So you do a tiny bit of suffering when you're the middle class parents of poor people.
00:41:33.000 I mean the middle class children of poor parents.
00:41:35.000 But it's not quite being a Nazi orphan.
00:41:38.000 So they, we would, they would get their, their, you know, anger out on us.
00:41:42.000 It kind of worked out in the end.
00:41:44.000 It was totally frivolous and had nothing to do with politics.
00:41:47.000 It was about as political as the Mods and the Rockers fighting in Brighton Beach in the sixties.
00:41:52.000 It was apolitical.
00:41:54.000 It was Ottawa, Canada.
00:41:55.000 There was no immigrants or Jews or anyone to be racist to.
00:42:00.000 It's all like Scotch-Irish immigrants. 1.00
00:42:03.000 Few American, I was going to say a few American Indians, few natives.
00:42:10.000 So yeah, please just grow up.
00:42:14.000 Goodbye.
00:42:15.000 It's hard to imagine, but right here in our community, there are families living out of their cars, parents skipping meals so their kids will have enough to eat, and folks who can't afford electricity.
00:42:26.000 But you can help them win these battles against poverty by giving to The Salvation Army, where your donations give struggling families the support they need to stay afloat.
00:42:35.000 Want to join this fight for good?
00:42:37.000 Please visit SalvationArmy.ListenAndGive.org to make a donation.
00:42:42.000 That's SalvationArmy.ListenAndGive.org