Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - December 05, 2018


Get Off My Lawn Podcast #99 | What's it like to be gay?

Topics
riding a horse Bent Key in the Caribbean economy booming centenarians and grandparenthood
Hosted by
Gavin McInnes
Guests
Ryan Katsu Rivera
Mentioned
Bill Barr Trump Anthony Cumia Gavin Albert Einstein Vincent Krakos Venn Booju Banton Bill Schultz Brigitte Bardot Human Beatbox Adam Carolla Raquel Welch David Cross Marvin Gaye Jimmy McInnes Tony Curtis Betty Buzz Joe Vival and 16 more
Ep 215 | De Blasio's New York | Get Off My Lawn Get Off My Lawn Podcast #100 | There are sixteen celebrities on this show

Episode Stats


Length

51 minutes

Words per minute

169.93

Word count

8,760

Sentence count

825

Harmful content

Misogyny

33

sentences flagged

Toxicity

345

sentences flagged

Hate speech

89

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

What's it like to be gay in the 21st century? We talk about what it's like to grow up gay in a world where you can get a blow job in your 20s and then go back to work 20 minutes later. We also talk about the stages of growing up gay and what it means to be a gay person in today's society. And Ryan Rivera joins us on the show to talk about his experience being gay and how it's different than growing up in the 80s and 90s. And we have a special guest, Joe Rogan, join us for a live recording of his new podcast, "Joe Rogan's Gay Life," which is coming soon. You won't want to miss it! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. We are a proud member of the Human Rights Campaign. Thank you to everyone who reached out to us with their support, and we appreciate all the support we've gotten over the years. Logo is a production of Gimlet Media. The opinions expressed are our own, not those of our partners, the ones we've received from our patrons. This episode was produced and edited by our patrons, and the work of our producers and friends. Please don't forget to rate, review, and subscribe to our podcast on Apple Podcasts, Podchaser. and subscribe on whatever platform you're listening to this podcast on your favorite streaming platform. If you like it, please leave us a rating, review and review on iTunes, and tell us what you think about it. We'll be listening to us in the next week. Thank you for supporting us on your favourite streaming platform! and we'll be looking out for you in next week's episode of the podcast. Also, we'll have a live show next week on Tuesday! on Tuesday. Thanks again next week! Timestamps: 4:30 - 7:00 - 8:00 8:15 - What's it weird? 9:20 - What does it mean to you're gay? 11: What do you think of it? 13:00? 16:00 | What's a gay life? 17:30 | 17:00 / 18: What is it like being gay? / 19:00/20? 21:30 / 22:30 23:40

Transcript

Transcripts from "Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 What's it like to be gay?
00:00:04.000 Is it weird?
00:00:08.000 It sounds like at first glance you go that sounds fun Because I think of a world where like my wife it was in fashion PR when I met her and she'd be working with these gay dudes and they were just 0.83
00:00:20.000 get up from their desk and go, I'm kind of horny.
00:00:24.000 And they'd wander around. 0.99
00:00:26.000 So one particular guy, not they, this guy would go wander around Soho and, uh, he would, um, he would just go get a blow job. 0.89
00:00:38.000 And then he'd come back, honestly, 20 minutes later, this is in, in New York city. 0.75
00:00:42.000 He'd come back 20 minutes later and just go, ah, yeah, back to work.
00:00:47.000 That doesn't sound so bad.
00:00:50.000 That doesn't sound awful. 0.98
00:00:52.000 Just imagine as a straight man, you're just like, oh God, I wouldn't mind grabbing some boobs right now, some big double D's. 1.00
00:01:00.000 And then you just get up from your desk and you go down some weird alleyway and there's like some bandana in your back pocket that says, I love double D's. 0.56
00:01:08.000 You know how they have like their bandanas? 0.97
00:01:10.000 And then some woman with gigantic tits goes, oh, a red bandana. 1.00
00:01:14.000 He'd like me to slap him in the face with my gigantic tits. 1.00
00:01:16.000 And then she slaps you around and you go, that was cool. 1.00
00:01:20.000 And then you go back to work.
00:01:22.000 So that part sounds good.
00:01:24.000 But the part that doesn't sound good is never having kids, never settling down.
00:01:32.000 God kind of going, man, you're not really part of the club. 0.99
00:01:37.000 Like that must fuck you up. 0.99
00:01:39.000 You know what I mean? 0.99
00:01:41.000 That I mean, my whole thing with with being a man or being a person is these stages you have.
00:01:48.000 So you have I'm a little baby.
00:01:50.000 That's cute.
00:01:52.000 I'm a
00:01:53.000 I'm like a kid.
00:01:54.000 I play baseball.
00:01:55.000 That's cool.
00:01:56.000 I'm a bad boy.
00:01:57.000 I go to the arcade and I vandalize people's property.
00:02:00.000 And I steal lawn chairs.
00:02:02.000 There's that.
00:02:03.000 And then you like girls. 1.00
00:02:04.000 And you're fucking. 1.00
00:02:05.000 And you're partying. 1.00
00:02:06.000 And then there's like, you know, your 20s where you're getting super shit-faced and, you know, almost dying of overdoses. 0.98
00:02:15.000 Which I don't advocate, by the way. 0.97
00:02:17.000 And then you go, OK, enough partying.
00:02:20.000 Time to settle down.
00:02:20.000 And then you have kids.
00:02:23.000 And then your kids, so that's a whole life.
00:02:25.000 And then your kids grow up and they go to college and stuff, right?
00:02:30.000 And then you have empty nest syndrome and you're kind of freaked out and you sell the house, you get a smaller place, maybe you move back to the city.
00:02:37.000 And then you go to plays and stuff, God forbid, and you drink wine.
00:02:41.000 And then you do like, my parents do these house swaps where they, someone from France will go stay in their house and they'll go stay in their house. 0.64
00:02:50.000 So that's a whole other life.
00:02:52.000 So there's all these stages.
00:02:54.000 But with the gays, you really don't, like you don't have those same, it's sort of like living in L.A. 1.00
00:03:00.000 Where L.A.
00:03:01.000 is just one big long season.
00:03:04.000 There's no winter or fall. 1.00
00:03:06.000 Gay is like one big long, I don't know, fuck fest. 1.00
00:03:12.000 And you don't really have seasons. 1.00
00:03:15.000 You don't have chapters. 0.87
00:03:17.000 And so if my sons are gay, or my daughter, I would be bummed that they're never going to have kids.
00:03:24.000 Oh, they could adopt. 0.82
00:03:25.000 Yeah, they're not going to adopt.
00:03:27.000 That's a tiny percentage that tries to simulate normalcy.
00:03:32.000 Wait a minute, are you playing video games and not listening to the podcast?
00:03:42.000 Oh, so you're hearing a live pod... I'm here with Ryan Katsu Rivera, who is helping to record.
00:03:49.000 He's like my Jamie of Joe Rogan. 0.98
00:03:50.000 He's that pull-that-shit-up guy. 0.99
00:03:52.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:03:53.000 But he's also playing a video game because he comes from the generation that refuses to grow up. 1.00
00:03:58.000 I just got into this.
00:03:59.000 I mean, I'm not a gamer.
00:04:01.000 Yes, you are. 1.00
00:04:02.000 What's amazing about your stupid fucking video game is you're not even, like, shooting aliens or something. 1.00
00:04:02.000 No, I'm not. 1.00
00:04:07.000 You're going fishing.
00:04:10.000 You're on a dock.
00:04:10.000 Where are you right now?
00:04:11.000 I'm in a lake.
00:04:12.000 You just skinned an eagle.
00:04:14.000 And like, that's what normal people do in real life.
00:04:17.000 Right.
00:04:17.000 You're just doing a normal, like, don't your grandparents live upstate?
00:04:21.000 You live upstate.
00:04:21.000 Yeah.
00:04:22.000 Go do that. 0.52
00:04:23.000 It's too cold to hunt.
00:04:28.000 Sorry.
00:04:29.000 Anyway.
00:04:33.000 So I would wager 1.00
00:04:35.000 That being gay is terrible. 1.00
00:04:37.000 Okay, let's break it down. 0.97
00:04:38.000 So being gay when you're eight or nine is kind of weird, right?
00:04:44.000 You want to wear a dress or whatever.
00:04:46.000 But in modern society, it's actually so normalized.
00:04:50.000 You're almost weird if you don't want to put on a dress.
00:04:52.000 So childhood is fine. 0.99
00:04:55.000 Maybe you're in the South in Alabama and you're 14 and you're gay. 0.99
00:05:01.000 Guys want to beat you up. 0.99
00:05:02.000 I'm sure that's still true. 0.99
00:05:03.000 So that sucks. 0.99
00:05:05.000 But you're only really a sexual being when you're 13, 14. 0.99
00:05:10.000 At 18, you can move out. 1.00
00:05:12.000 That's only four years of shit. 0.99
00:05:16.000 And I know people go, well, those are your developing years. 1.00
00:05:20.000 That's a totally valid argument. 0.99
00:05:22.000 God, I'm distracted by Ryan fucking riding a horse in the country. 0.99
00:05:25.000 Go ride a real horse! 1.00
00:05:28.000 It's not that hard.
00:05:29.000 It's not rocket science. 1.00
00:05:31.000 It's like these guys with those stupid flying squirrel suits who jump off cliffs. 1.00
00:05:35.000 I go, go to Afghanistan. 1.00
00:05:38.000 Like, why are you, why are you pretending to do something that's so easily done in real life?
00:05:44.000 I understand if you want to eat an alien and then barf out his guts and go flying through outer space.
00:05:51.000 Yeah, you can't do that. 0.99
00:05:52.000 But just riding a fucking horse and skinning a bird? 0.99
00:05:56.000 But I'm on the way to a mission, but it does look pretty lame. 0.99
00:06:00.000 I can't really defend it, but I want to ride a real horse.
00:06:03.000 I want to ride a real horse.
00:06:04.000 But there's a large learning curve.
00:06:08.000 Oh yeah, it takes years to learn to ride a horse.
00:06:11.000 It's basically like being fluent in Icelandic.
00:06:16.000 That's why at tourist places in Costa Rica, there's a massive lineup of tourists from all over the world lining up to rent a horse so they can go on a horse walk.
00:06:26.000 I almost saw a horse cream this girl I was seeing at the time.
00:06:29.000 That sounds sexual.
00:06:31.000 And uh, I forgot this podcast is dirty, but yeah, no, she was just, she was like showing off and the thing like belted her off the thing, like the guy earlier today from the show, from Get Off My Lawn, the show. 0.98
00:06:44.000 Do your Bill Schultz imitation.
00:06:46.000 Um, actually I can't do it right now.
00:06:49.000 I'm sleeping.
00:06:50.000 I'm basically sleeping, and I don't know.
00:06:54.000 I'm just the worst.
00:06:56.000 I'm absolutely always drunk all the time, and I'm self-deprecating, but I'm actually one of the best guys in the world, so...
00:07:05.000 That was very good.
00:07:05.000 That was very good.
00:07:07.000 Now, what's the line between you being a monkey, where I say, do a little monkey dance, monkey, and me laughing that you're talented and can do an imitation?
00:07:16.000 Less hair.
00:07:17.000 That's the only thing. 0.99
00:07:20.000 Okay, anyway, so to get back to the homosexuals. 0.99
00:07:28.000 14 to 18 if you're in a small town very conservative town in Alabama. 1.00
00:07:31.000 I understand that fucking sucks. 1.00
00:07:32.000 Sorry. 0.99
00:07:33.000 I'm sorry, but but also like I was punk
00:07:37.000 When I was fourteen.
00:07:39.000 And uh... I know, I guess it's not the same as being gay, but people wanted to fight me all the time.
00:07:45.000 And I was a freak everywhere. 0.99
00:07:46.000 Like if I was on the bus, people would go, what the fuck is that? 0.99
00:07:50.000 I don't know. 0.99
00:07:51.000 This is obviously going to be trivialized to say, oh, Gavin thinks being a punk is like being oppressed.
00:07:57.000 But if you actually tick the boxes of the quantifiable details throughout the day,
00:08:03.000 Uh, it's pretty similar, I would argue.
00:08:06.000 Especially in the 80s, where in France, the police would just beat up punks regularly.
00:08:11.000 Punks in Britain, in the 80s, were banned from the pubs.
00:08:14.000 Hence the Peter and the Test Tube Baby song, banned from the pubs.
00:08:18.000 So... I would argue that, uh, being gay between 14 and 18 in a small town is like being a punk in the 80s.
00:08:26.000 Okay, so.
00:08:27.000 Sorry, you had a rough time.
00:08:29.000 Then you're 18, though, and you move to the West Village or San Francisco or London or, you know, a myriad of... Every big city basically loves gays in the Western world, which I don't know why we're not getting more accolades from the gays, by the way, for that.
00:08:44.000 Like, shouldn't gays be saying thank you? 1.00
00:08:47.000 Shouldn't they be going, wow, we're sure glad we're not in Afghanistan or something like that? 1.00
00:08:53.000 I think that this is sort of where I come from with my Western chauvinism.
00:08:58.000 How about a thanks?
00:09:00.000 I don't know. 0.89
00:09:01.000 I mean, if you're gay, I think gay in the Caribbean, in most countries, is literally illegal. 0.94
00:09:08.000 I believe it's a capital offense, meaning you should be executed in, uh, is it Trinidad and Tobago? 0.95
00:09:17.000 To be gay in the Caribbean is illegal to this day. 0.99
00:09:20.000 And if you're gay... Oh my god, that just reminds me. 1.00
00:09:22.000 I'm glad I remembered this. 1.00
00:09:23.000 So I'm hanging out in Jamaica after all the shit hit the fan recently and I just grabbed my family because I was known as a white supremacist. 0.93
00:09:30.000 So I grabbed my family and went to hang out with my friends in Jamaica. 0.98
00:09:34.000 And, uh, I was talking to the guy who's looking after the place, Jamaican guy, and we were talking about Boojoo Banton, and, you know, there's a whole Boojoo Banton episode, a few episodes ago, and, uh, we were talking about Batty Boys, which is what they call gays. 0.98
00:09:48.000 I guess the bat is the penis? 0.98
00:09:50.000 I don't know. 0.99
00:09:51.000 And he said the weirdest thing I've ever heard.
00:09:53.000 He goes, oh it's on my wedding night, you know, and I'm with my wife and we're hanging out and I hear a guy scream, you know, he's a screaming away, you know, and I check it out and and he's like a cat, you know, when a cat hears a firecracker, he's a running, he's a running through the hotel, you know, he's got Babylon closing in on him, you know,
00:10:16.000 And I run down and I look back and there's like three guys chasing him with a machete, you know?
00:10:23.000 And he was laughing.
00:10:24.000 And he goes, there's three guys chasing him with a machete, you know? 0.99
00:10:29.000 A machete will fuck you up really bad. 0.98
00:10:31.000 Like, you're not being chased with three sparklers. 0.99
00:10:39.000 You're not being chased with three pins.
00:10:42.000 You're not being chased with three tiny sticks.
00:10:46.000 A machete is the end of you.
00:10:49.000 That's what butchers use to chop up our fellow mammals. 1.00
00:10:53.000 So the idea of it being funny that three guys were chasing this gay dude with machetes is bizarre to me. 0.89
00:11:03.000 Anyway, that's life as a gay outside of America.
00:11:08.000 I don't think we call it the Caribbean the West. 0.98
00:11:11.000 Definitely not when it comes to homos. 1.00
00:11:14.000 So, you're welcome for that, by the way, gays. 0.95
00:11:17.000 We worked hard.
00:11:18.000 We had a rocky time.
00:11:20.000 I think buggery was illegal in Britain right up until the 1960s, but we finally figured that out.
00:11:25.000 That's the thing people don't get about Western civilization. 0.99
00:11:28.000 We figure shit out. 0.98
00:11:29.000 Like, they talk about apartheid. 1.00
00:11:30.000 Yeah, whites in South Africa said, this is fucked up. 0.99
00:11:34.000 And whites in South Africa said, let's abolish apartheid. 1.00
00:11:37.000 It's wrong.
00:11:39.000 White people, 620,000 of them died in the Civil War.
00:11:45.000 And this is your version of events, ending slavery.
00:11:48.000 So thanks.
00:11:49.000 By the way, 620,000 for the population back then was equivalent of 5 million today.
00:11:54.000 That's essentially an American holocaust. 1.00
00:11:57.000 So there was an American holocaust to abolish slavery and everyone goes, fucking white people are the worst. 1.00
00:12:04.000 I don't know. 1.00
00:12:04.000 They seem to be working pretty hard to make everyone equitable. 1.00
00:12:08.000 So anyway, we have this culture now and it started, you know, in the 70s and 80s when I was a young man.
00:12:18.000 We kind of knew people were gay, but we kind of didn't.
00:12:21.000 We just, it was a don't ask, don't tell.
00:12:22.000 So Liberace was clearly gay, but we just went, he's a very flamboyant dude. 1.00
00:12:28.000 Meanwhile, he's dating a fucking 16 year old. 0.99
00:12:31.000 And no one says anything. 1.00
00:12:32.000 We had Paul Lin. 1.00
00:12:33.000 We had the village people screaming, YMCA, it's a great place to meet young men and fuck them. 1.00
00:12:40.000 And we were like, yep, that's awesome. 0.99
00:12:43.000 We had a band called Queen.
00:12:49.000 Queen, run by a gay dude who wanted to bring opera to the world.
00:12:56.000 Okay. 0.98
00:12:57.000 Fine.
00:12:57.000 You know what?
00:12:59.000 Just don't, like, give my kids hormone blockers and we're good. 1.00
00:13:02.000 Go fuck each other. 1.00
00:13:03.000 It's weird. 1.00
00:13:05.000 Adam Carolla says this, he goes, for, you know, society's based on penises and vaginas, and for a group to come along and go, what about buttholes? 0.99
00:13:15.000 It's very weird. 0.99
00:13:16.000 And for the vast majority, I'd argue like 95% of society, for 95% of society to go, okay, buttholes.
00:13:25.000 That's pretty weird.
00:13:27.000 Good!
00:13:28.000 I'm saying it's good. 0.99
00:13:29.000 I think you're born gay, and you shouldn't be persecuted for being a homosexual. 0.96
00:13:33.000 But it is unusual. 1.00
00:13:34.000 Let's cut the shit. 1.00
00:13:36.000 It's like people who go, I'm not gonna eat. 1.00
00:13:36.000 Right? 1.00
00:13:37.000 I only need to subsist on sunlight.
00:13:39.000 It's something that 95% of us don't get.
00:13:42.000 It's like flat earthers.
00:13:44.000 But society goes, you know what?
00:13:45.000 You're cool.
00:13:47.000 So anyway, sorry to get back to the main premise. 0.99
00:13:51.000 So then you move to the West Village, let's say ideally, and you have a pair of red leather short shorts, and you have glitter on your eyelids, and you have fake eyelashes, and your name's Jasanti, and you have a string vest, and you're in good shape, and you just, like, rip your anus to shreds. 0.98
00:14:13.000 You're basically me after a bender. 0.98
00:14:17.000 Just destroying that poor thing.
00:14:23.000 And I would argue, I just thought of this right now, that the oppression you felt in the previous four years kind of gets erased by the intense partying that gays do when they finally come out of the closet and go there. 0.99
00:14:36.000 In fact, I have a theory that we're all kind of faggy deep down in the way we behave. 0.99
00:14:42.000 Now hear me out.
00:14:45.000 So David Cross has a thing about this. 0.93
00:14:47.000 He goes, why is it like a Chinese gay is like, 1.00
00:14:54.000 Or you can have a Congolese gay going, what are you doing? 1.00
00:14:58.000 Do you want to dance with me? 0.99
00:15:01.000 That was Indian, but you get the idea. 0.72
00:15:04.000 Gays are the same everywhere. 0.96
00:15:05.000 Maybe it's because that's how we act when we overindulge ourselves. 0.90
00:15:10.000 And it brings me back to my father.
00:15:12.000 who would get totally shithammered when I was a kid.
00:15:16.000 Well, he's never not been shithammered to be quite frank. 0.51
00:15:19.000 But I remember being a kid and my parents would have parties throughout the week.
00:15:22.000 It wasn't just Friday and Saturday.
00:15:23.000 My parents would have a party on Wednesday and I had to go to school the next day. 0.99
00:15:26.000 So I would come out at nine years old and there'd be like 15 boomers in my living room just dancing their ass off, smoking that shitty pot they had with the branches and the seeds in it and fucking drinking and 0.99
00:15:41.000 And boomers in the 70s would just fall asleep at a party. 0.97
00:15:44.000 So I would come outside of my bedroom at maybe, not late, like 11 p.m.
00:15:50.000 And it would look like Auschwitz. 0.73
00:15:52.000 There'd be just boomers strewn around the house. 1.00
00:15:56.000 And there'd be maybe two guys still awake.
00:15:59.000 And they didn't drink liquor back then, really. 0.81
00:16:02.000 There was beer and shitty pot. 0.99
00:16:05.000 I don't know what the fuck they were doing. 0.99
00:16:06.000 But anyway. 0.99
00:16:10.000 When they would get wasted, my dad, he would pull his blazer up to his elbows, right?
00:16:15.000 You know, that was a thing in the 80s.
00:16:16.000 He would pull it and he'd go,
00:16:28.000 Like doing Marvin Gaye with a Scottish accent, which is physically painful to hear.
00:16:32.000 It makes your ears bleed.
00:16:33.000 But it was also very sensual. 0.94
00:16:36.000 And he'd sort of be like moving his hands in this sort of gay way. 0.91
00:16:41.000 And you see this with heroin addicts. 0.93
00:16:43.000 Like my buddy, I'll call him Jay.
00:16:47.000 Him and this other guy we'll call D. When they were doing heroin together, I think they would fillet each other.
00:16:54.000 I'm sorry to say. 1.00
00:16:57.000 And Jay would say, yeah, D's my little bitch. 1.00
00:17:01.000 And I'd make him blow me and stuff. 1.00
00:17:02.000 Now these are heterosexual heroin addicts that would have gay sex. 1.00
00:17:07.000 I think acting like a fairy and being like hi everyone whatever is just really you totally overindulging yourself. 0.99
00:17:18.000 Like say I gave you a drug like heroin or something and I said just like tell me what's going on with you and be like
00:17:24.000 Oh my god, I'm just like hanging out doing a podcast at the studio late at night. 0.98
00:17:30.000 And you might end up speaking gay. 0.94
00:17:33.000 So I think the very super gay talk is actually just a form of intense self-indulgence. 1.00
00:17:41.000 And where does that come from?
00:17:43.000 Well, what it comes from is... I sound so scientific about this crazy theory I just made up.
00:17:47.000 No, I haven't just made it up.
00:17:48.000 I've been talking about this for a while.
00:17:50.000 But it has no basis in science whatsoever. 1.00
00:17:54.000 I think it comes from being told you suck. 1.00
00:17:57.000 You suck. 1.00
00:17:58.000 You suck. 1.00
00:17:58.000 You suck. 1.00
00:17:59.000 You suck. 1.00
00:18:00.000 From 14, when you start to become sexual, to 18. 1.00
00:18:03.000 You suck. 1.00
00:18:04.000 You suck. 1.00
00:18:04.000 You suck. 1.00
00:18:04.000 You suck. 1.00
00:18:05.000 You're a loser. 1.00
00:18:05.000 You suck. 1.00
00:18:06.000 You're garbage. 1.00
00:18:07.000 You're garbage. 1.00
00:18:07.000 You're garbage. 1.00
00:18:07.000 You're garbage. 1.00
00:18:08.000 And then you turn 18 and you go to the West Village, and you're finally away from your parents and your sad dad and all this shit, and you're like, hello boys! 1.00
00:18:16.000 And instead of going, well man, I'm a normal person, you're like, let's rock it out! 0.99
00:18:22.000 Like my wife told me about some, she's a total fag hag, all her friends are gay, and she told me about some party she went to where this guy came out and he came bursting out of this like paper sheet, and he goes, it's great to be here, and it's great to be gay! 1.00
00:18:39.000 That's the kind of thing you... That's very symbolic, by the way. 0.99
00:18:42.000 Like, bursting through the paper. 0.99
00:18:44.000 He's bursting out of all this oppression, and he... Like, say you were a black guy, and you were told, black people suck, black people suck, and you were like, hello, how are you today? 0.99
00:18:54.000 And you had to talk like a white dude, like in the movie Get Out, from 14 to 18. 1.00
00:19:00.000 And then you move to a black hood, and it was like, yo dawg, what's up? 0.94
00:19:04.000 And you'd be like, yo, what's up? 0.75
00:19:06.000 Yo! 1.00
00:19:06.000 And then you might overdo your blackness and become like this militant, I'm black, y'all! 1.00
00:19:11.000 I'm black, y'all! 1.00
00:19:12.000 I'm bliggity, bliggity, bliggity black, y'all! 1.00
00:19:15.000 And become like this crazy Malcolm X dude. 0.99
00:19:17.000 I think that's what's happening with gays who come out of the closet because you'll notice, by the way, 58 year old gays are not like half 0.97
00:19:29.000 Like they don't vogue.
00:19:30.000 They're just like, hi, how's it going?
00:19:32.000 I'm a gay dude. 0.85
00:19:34.000 I live with my husband and I work on my garden and I'm a raging homosexual. 0.66
00:19:37.000 Like they talk normal when they get older.
00:19:39.000 It's the same with wiggers.
00:19:41.000 Like when dudes are like, yo, what's up man? 0.91
00:19:43.000 Usually tall white guys who play basketball, they end up becoming black dudes in their speech. 0.62
00:19:50.000 And then, you know, they get older, they stop playing basketball and they go from like, yo,
00:19:55.000 Just for real, for real, on the reals, I gotta tell you, man, that I've been frontin'.
00:20:00.000 And then you meet them, like, ten years later and they go, yeah, hi, what's going on?
00:20:04.000 So, um, I'm working on this video production company now, I do sound, um, I'm a sound technician.
00:20:10.000 You go, whatever happened to Mr. Human Beatbox?
00:20:13.000 Oh, yeah, that was during my basketball years, that was crazy times. 0.96
00:20:19.000 So they come catapulting out of the closet when they're 18 and they become magnified super gays. 0.99
00:20:27.000 And I guess what I'm admitting is we all have that in us.
00:20:32.000 Jim McInnes certainly does when he sings her to true to grapevine.
00:20:36.000 So let's say that's 18 to. 0.99
00:20:42.000 29, 30, 32, 33, where you're just like a raging homosexual, and you're dancing on the West Village, you know, having sex. 1.00
00:20:50.000 I know a lot of homosexuals, and I've noticed that their sex lives are unimaginably decadent. 1.00
00:20:59.000 Like, I think I'm kind of kooky because I've had a bunch of threesomes, and gays laugh at threesomes. 1.00
00:21:04.000 They have eightsomes in hot tubs. 1.00
00:21:08.000 Heh.
00:21:09.000 Oh my god.
00:21:09.000 Threesome.
00:21:11.000 Threesome is what I would do if I was on the wagon. 1.00
00:21:14.000 I have threesomes during Lent. 0.96
00:21:18.000 Okay, so we got a gay's life from 0 to 32 now. 0.99
00:21:24.000 And this is the part that I think pains me, is what now?
00:21:29.000 Like more partying.
00:21:31.000 I'm a 48 year old and I'm basically from 35 to 48.
00:21:37.000 You can't do Coke.
00:21:38.000 You can't do heavy drugs.
00:21:40.000 You can't like drink half a bottle of bourbon.
00:21:43.000 The next day is just for lack of a better word, AIDS.
00:21:48.000 But being single, not having a family, what else is there but partying?
00:21:54.000 You could become an academic, I guess.
00:21:57.000 But, okay.
00:22:00.000 But being an academic, I don't know.
00:22:02.000 You need a wife and kids to ground you. 1.00
00:22:06.000 Being a single gay academic just seems incredibly lonely to me. 0.98
00:22:10.000 Just reading a bunch of books. 0.75
00:22:11.000 Like Albert Einstein. 0.99
00:22:13.000 Did you know Albert Einstein was a cocksucker? 1.00
00:22:15.000 I don't mean a homosexual. 1.00
00:22:17.000 I mean a dick. 1.00
00:22:19.000 He had these rules with his wife where you cannot interrupt me when I'm doing my research. 0.99
00:22:24.000 If I want my lunch at 1pm, not one minute later, bring it in here.
00:22:30.000 Do not ever knock on my door.
00:22:32.000 He had a list of about 50 criteria of how he has to be treated.
00:22:37.000 No one ever talks about it.
00:22:38.000 It's very hard to research, but look it up. 1.00
00:22:41.000 Albert Einstein was a fucking dick to his wife. 1.00
00:22:45.000 He was a sexist piece of shit. 1.00
00:22:48.000 But at least he had someone making him stuff. 1.00
00:22:50.000 Imagine Albert Einstein without a woman to shit on. 1.00
00:22:57.000 That's basically what a gay is, an older gay. 1.00
00:23:00.000 So the tragedy of homosexuality doesn't really start until 34. 0.92
00:23:09.000 And then you sort of go, what are you doing? 0.94
00:23:10.000 And here's the other problem with gays. 1.00
00:23:12.000 So 34 to 44 is kind of like a no man's zone, right? 0.99
00:23:16.000 But then 44 and up, gays are shallow because men are shallow because people are shallow. 1.00
00:23:23.000 And 0.99
00:23:24.000 Because you live in such a sexual environment, right?
00:23:27.000 It's basically just a heterosexual, like, you know how heterosexuals are in their 20s?
00:23:33.000 When they're like, nah, she farted once.
00:23:36.000 I'm done with her. 1.00
00:23:37.000 Or one of her nipples is bigger than the other. 1.00
00:23:39.000 She's done. 0.99
00:23:40.000 Like, you can afford to be picky because there's just so much sex going on. 0.97
00:23:43.000 That's true of homosexuality throughout. 1.00
00:23:45.000 So when you become an old man like me, 1.00
00:23:48.000 I'm a fucking pariah. 1.00
00:23:51.000 Like, gays don't want me. 1.00
00:23:53.000 Gays don't want old men. 1.00
00:23:54.000 So these guys... It's the same sort of... I guess it's the same as the straight world. 0.94
00:23:59.000 So these older dudes, I think they call them trolls?
00:24:03.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:24:04.000 Young gays are called twinks and older gays are called trolls. 1.00
00:24:08.000 So what these trolls do is they will buy gays and they'll say, hey, they'll have a twink over and they'll buy him like a fucking iPhone or something or take him shopping at Louis Vuitton and have sex with him. 1.00
00:24:20.000 So basically it's prostitution. 1.00
00:24:21.000 It's like Thai or they'll literally go to Thailand. 0.98
00:24:24.000 I heard in Thailand, 1.00
00:24:26.000 Dude, there's entire neighborhoods dedicated to old gays having sex with young boys. 1.00
00:24:31.000 And there's signs up! 1.00
00:24:33.000 Like it'll say, Boyland. 1.00
00:24:36.000 Why the fuck? 1.00
00:24:38.000 Is Trump not going in there with the National Guard and shutting down fuckin' boy land? 1.00
00:24:43.000 Fuck Afghanistan! 1.00
00:24:45.000 I don't give a shit about Afghanistan. 1.00
00:24:46.000 Can we get out of the Middle East and get into Thailand? 1.00
00:24:49.000 And shut down these disgusting brothels? 1.00
00:24:53.000 These pedophile brothels? 0.99
00:24:54.000 Call me a square, but I don't think there should be anywhere in America sanctified pedophile brothels. 1.00
00:25:05.000 So that's what concerns me. 0.98
00:25:07.000 And I'm not saying it should be abolished or anything, but I'm just saying, like, say your son says he's gay. 0.81
00:25:11.000 Sure, it's disarming.
00:25:12.000 It's weird.
00:25:13.000 It's like your son saying he's an albino or something.
00:25:15.000 Your son is part of a very unique group that isn't really formally accepted in society.
00:25:21.000 It's like your son's a flat earther or something.
00:25:23.000 So there's that.
00:25:24.000 That's not a huge deal.
00:25:26.000 The real huge deal, I think, is post 35, they don't really get to graduate into the same adulthood the rest of us do.
00:25:34.000 And yes, I know some adopt and synthesize a normal, you know, marriage and a normal fraternal, not fraternal, a normal patriarchal society with kids and stuff, but it's...
00:25:50.000 I mean, at best, it's a synthesization.
00:25:53.000 It's a duplicate.
00:25:55.000 It's not the real thing.
00:25:57.000 I was talking to a woman today about this, where she goes, your stepdad's not your dad.
00:26:03.000 I mean, he's your dad, and he raised you since he was three, but he's not your dad.
00:26:07.000 She goes, your stepmom's not your mom.
00:26:09.000 Like, when I smell my five-year-old's hair, I'm smelling like my hair.
00:26:14.000 And I have this thing with my toes, where my big toe is oddly separate from my other toes.
00:26:19.000 It looks like there's enough room for another toe in there.
00:26:22.000 And when I look at my kid's toes, I see the same trait.
00:26:24.000 I see this weird space.
00:26:27.000 A stepmom doesn't see that.
00:26:29.000 And I'm not against stepmoms.
00:26:30.000 I think it's very noble for you to pick up the pieces and put a family together.
00:26:35.000 And I think it's very noble to adopt.
00:26:37.000 Even if you're gay, I think it's very noble to adopt. 0.98
00:26:40.000 There was a problem there and you fixed it.
00:26:42.000 That's awesome.
00:26:44.000 But, biologically, there's a hole. 0.85
00:26:50.000 And that's what a father feels when he finds out his son's gay.
00:26:53.000 He goes, there's inevitably going to be a hole. 0.74
00:26:57.000 And you know, the way we're designed physically, partying is brutal on an old man. 0.99
00:27:04.000 Like I'm 48.
00:27:05.000 I, as I said on my show the other day, I had too many maker's marks after work and I went careening off of a parked car so bad that I feel like a World War II vet right now.
00:27:19.000 That was just three makers.
00:27:22.000 The gay lifestyle is like all night parties and drugs and, you know, Halloween costumes and stuff. 1.00
00:27:31.000 I don't know. 0.97
00:27:33.000 Just seems kind of sad at the end of the day.
00:27:38.000 It seems kind of sad to not be part of the club. 1.00
00:27:41.000 And God, I'm not saying that being gay is blasphemous or you're going to hell or any stupid shit like that. 1.00
00:27:46.000 Fuck you. 1.00
00:27:47.000 But God set up a system where we have our crazy years and then we do this and then we meet a girl and then we have babies and then we stop being crazy and then they have kids and they go through the same cycle and we're all part of the process. 1.00
00:28:02.000 So when you have grandkids or whatever, you're all part of the chain.
00:28:07.000 You're linked to society.
00:28:10.000 Inextricably linked.
00:28:11.000 But gays must feel like, somehow I'm pushed out of the system.
00:28:15.000 Somehow I'm not part of the chain.
00:28:17.000 That must chip away at your self-esteem somehow. 0.87
00:28:22.000 Like, say you're a murderer. 0.99
00:28:24.000 I'm not saying gays are murderers. 0.97
00:28:26.000 You'll notice, by the way, how I have to quantify everything remotely controversial, I say? 0.83
00:28:30.000 That's the society we're living in.
00:28:32.000 You can't, like, pontificate anymore.
00:28:34.000 But anyway.
00:28:36.000 A murderer, he's ostracized from society.
00:28:38.000 You kill someone, you have nightmares every night, you can't get married, no one wants to sleep with you, you're not part of the community, and you're shunned. 0.99
00:28:50.000 Gays, for no fault of their own,
00:28:54.000 Experience a similar sort of societal ostracization where they're not going to have kids, they're not even in a cool liberal enclave, you know, like the West Village in New York, you're still not going to be part of the grand scheme of things.
00:29:11.000 That's the crux of what I'm saying.
00:29:13.000 Genetically, you're not part of the grand scheme of things and that must chip away that must lead to I Don't know suicide the gay suicide rate is higher than the straight suicide rate. 1.00
00:29:23.000 I assume I know the trans suicide rate is off the off the charts but that must lead to a sense of Not belonging and and 1.00
00:29:36.000 I wouldn't be surprised if that sense of not belonging leads to a sense of resentment.
00:29:41.000 Where you go, you know what? 1.00
00:29:41.000 Well, fuck you guys. 1.00
00:29:43.000 I mean, that's my attitude. 1.00
00:29:45.000 I live here in liberal New York and my attitude is kind of like, you know what? 1.00
00:29:47.000 Well, fuck you. 1.00
00:29:49.000 I'm like a gay. 1.00
00:29:53.000 Being pro-Trump in New York is being gay. 1.00
00:29:56.000 Being pro-Trump in the 50s. 0.97
00:29:58.000 Being pro-Trump, um... 0.99
00:30:01.000 In any sort of liberal area is like being gay. 0.98
00:30:03.000 And I'll bore you with the story I've already told people, but I was at a... That wasn't a fart, I'm playing with my hands. 0.65
00:30:10.000 Did I ever tell you this story, Ryan?
00:30:11.000 I was at a family thing with my wife's family, and it was kind of like a family reunion.
00:30:19.000 And everyone's from Mad Rad, Madison, Wisconsin, very liberal.
00:30:24.000 And one of the rules at the family thing was no Trump.
00:30:27.000 Got it.
00:30:28.000 No politics at all.
00:30:29.000 Got it. 0.93
00:30:31.000 So I'm sort of scanning, there's probably about 15-20 people there, and I'm sort of scanning the room and I'm horny for Trump. 0.99
00:30:41.000 And there's this guy, he's like the son of one of my wife's parents' fucking cousins, uncles, whatever. 0.98
00:30:50.000 And we were talking about corporate taxes and he goes, well, I don't know. 0.97
00:30:55.000 I think maybe, you know, take it easier in the corporations and they're more likely to hire more people, probably better for the whole country overall.
00:31:02.000 I mean, why punish a corporation for making money?
00:31:04.000 It's just going to lead to more jobs.
00:31:06.000 And then we met eyes across the room like, what did you just say?
00:31:11.000 And then I sort of shimmied over to him and I go, yeah, I mean, it's counterintuitive, obviously, to reward someone for being a billionaire, but wouldn't that just keep the money in the country?
00:31:27.000 And then we meet eyes.
00:31:28.000 It's almost like I said, yeah, I like the band Queen.
00:31:31.000 They have some good songs. 0.82
00:31:34.000 So we start like, like homosexuals. 0.99
00:31:40.000 Vibing off each other. 0.94
00:31:48.000 Do you want to join me?
00:31:49.000 And he's like, yeah, I'll go for the ride.
00:31:52.000 We get in the car.
00:31:53.000 The doors close.
00:31:55.000 This is in Malibu at a rented house.
00:31:57.000 And as we're driving, it's just like, oh my God, the economy's booming and blackout points the lowest it's ever been in history.
00:32:04.000 And the economy's on fire.
00:32:06.000 And I talked to real estate agents.
00:32:06.000 They're a good metric of what's going on.
00:32:08.000 They say they're selling houses again.
00:32:09.000 It seems like the bravery is back in the economy.
00:32:12.000 And there's all these different things.
00:32:14.000 I mean, we need the wall, obviously.
00:32:15.000 But Trump's saying that he's building the wall now.
00:32:17.000 And we were just like... It was like gays having sex. 1.00
00:32:21.000 But like passionately and impatiently, like the scene from Brokeback, but like sped up, like spitting in the hand, fucking grabbing hair, grabbing the thigh, ripping the shirt off. 1.00
00:32:31.000 And you're like, we have to go back in there. 0.93
00:32:33.000 It was literally like the scene in Brokeback Mountain on Fast Forward.
00:32:37.000 And then we bought the beer and we got back in the car and still...
00:32:42.000 Because we haven't talked about it the whole time we've been there.
00:32:44.000 It was like a five-day vacation.
00:32:46.000 And then we get back to the rented house, and he goes in one direction, and I go to the other direction, and I put the beer in the fridge, and we don't look at each other again.
00:32:54.000 Zero vibes.
00:32:55.000 Everybody's like, did they have a fight in the car?
00:32:57.000 It's like, we already came. 1.00
00:33:00.000 And I've seen on the internet people giving me shit for that analogy, like it trivializes, you know, Stonewall or whatever, or some like gay bashing and shit. 0.99
00:33:08.000 But, you know, Joe Vivald got bottled in the face for wearing a MAGA hat. 0.99
00:33:13.000 Can I relate that to gayness also?
00:33:15.000 Because that's a t-shirt.
00:33:17.000 Can I relate that to gayness also?
00:33:19.000 And then MAGA on the back and people be like, what is that shirt?
00:33:23.000 But you'll just kind of put stuff because here's the thing like when I meet people from That I used to go to school with and stuff like that And I don't know if they're conservative or what but they know what I am because of my Facebook post But I'll just make it okay for them to kind of announce whatever they're I'm like they're like yeah You know I think the liberals are going pretty crazy.
00:33:41.000 I'm like yeah, that's that's cool, and I'm not fishing anything out of them I'm not like
00:33:46.000 So that means you like Trump, right?
00:33:47.000 You're one of us.
00:33:48.000 Right.
00:33:48.000 Yeah, that's a good point.
00:33:49.000 It's like a gay in the 50s wouldn't go, yeah, well, I love cocks and I want to suck them right now. 1.00
00:33:54.000 A gay in the 50s would just go, well, that's up to you. 1.00
00:33:57.000 I'm not a big boob guy. 0.60
00:33:59.000 I'm sure you guys love Bridgette Bardot or Raquel Welch or whatever.
00:34:05.000 You would talk around it.
00:34:06.000 That's not really my style, but I like that. 1.00
00:34:08.000 Enjoy your giant tits, sir. 1.00
00:34:10.000 But then just by being nice, they kind of warm up, and they're like, all right, fine. 1.00
00:34:15.000 I like Trump.
00:34:16.000 All right, fine. 1.00
00:34:17.000 I suck dicks. 1.00
00:34:18.000 Yeah, and I bet it was like in the 50s, like, all right, fine. 1.00
00:34:21.000 I think being a gay is disgusting. 1.00
00:34:22.000 Just by being nice. 0.99
00:34:23.000 Yeah, and then you go, well, I understand that you think it's weird, but I am in love with men.
00:34:28.000 And that man is Trump.
00:34:31.000 Well, it's like today, where I said, don't wear your MAGA hat on the train.
00:34:34.000 It could lead to trouble.
00:34:38.000 But you know what's real funny?
00:34:41.000 In the episode I'm editing in the studio, there's some other editors there.
00:34:46.000 And they see me up on the thing, and not everybody there is pro-Trump.
00:34:50.000 So they see the hat, they're like, I wouldn't wear that hat in this city.
00:34:52.000 I was like, well, I'm not white, so I could do it. 1.00
00:34:54.000 And just that truth, it's like, that should insult you. 0.87
00:34:59.000 You as a white person should be like, dude, it should insult you. 0.79
00:35:03.000 I could wear it because I'm not white. 1.00
00:35:05.000 You should be like, dude, what the fuck does that mean? 1.00
00:35:07.000 Bill Burr had to marry a black chick. 1.00
00:35:09.000 Just to get out of jail free. 0.98
00:35:11.000 I do not sign off on any of what has been said, dude.
00:35:15.000 I'd love to meet you.
00:35:16.000 Big fan.
00:35:19.000 Wait, was that you as Ryan appealing to Bill Burr?
00:35:23.000 Yeah, this is an impersonation or facsimile of Bill Burr. 0.93
00:35:27.000 I understand, but when you just said, I don't agree with anything that's been said, you were separating yourself from me and saying, Bill Burr, I still want to meet you, I don't think you married that black chick just to get out of jail for you.
00:35:38.000 Yeah, I suppose it is me, because Bill Burr wouldn't want to meet himself.
00:35:41.000 I'm confused.
00:35:42.000 I broke character with the content.
00:35:44.000 But you broke character while still doing a Bill Burr imitation.
00:35:47.000 That is odd, yes.
00:35:49.000 So you were speaking to Bill Burr,
00:35:52.000 As him.
00:35:52.000 As Bill Burr.
00:35:53.000 Right.
00:35:53.000 He probably thinks he's conscious now.
00:35:55.000 Don't listen to Gavin.
00:35:56.000 Yeah.
00:35:57.000 Listen to me.
00:35:58.000 I don't think that... I don't like Gavin's joke about the black wife. 0.91
00:36:01.000 Yeah. 0.61
00:36:02.000 That was accidentally genius though.
00:36:04.000 Nope. 0.82
00:36:04.000 That was retarded. 0.82
00:36:05.000 He might think it's his inner monologue and he's like, oh dude, I'm right. 0.95
00:36:10.000 That kid's great.
00:36:10.000 I love millennials.
00:36:11.000 They do something retarded like talk to someone doing an imitation of that guy and they go, that was actually kind of genius. 0.95
00:36:18.000 That's really true.
00:36:19.000 I kind of nailed it with that.
00:36:21.000 That was really cool of me.
00:36:23.000 Of course no one's ever done that before, probably for logical reasons, but I'm a trailblazer.
00:36:27.000 I'm a trailblazer.
00:36:27.000 I do a thing where I talk to people in imitations of themselves and say, I hate Gavin, my boss.
00:36:32.000 That is totally a millennial thing.
00:36:34.000 Owning up to a mistake and being like, that's just how I do things.
00:36:36.000 That was actually kind of awesome.
00:36:39.000 You got drunk, and you crashed your car, and you killed a kid.
00:36:43.000 I know, but that was kind of like... Well, first of all, the population is lower now.
00:36:47.000 I thought it was kind of cool what I did.
00:36:48.000 That kid was totally gonna die anyway.
00:36:53.000 I don't do kid jokes.
00:36:54.000 No, me neither.
00:36:55.000 That was awful.
00:36:56.000 That was Bill Burr. 0.98
00:36:57.000 Let's get back to homosexuality. 1.00
00:37:01.000 Uh, I told you about the guy.
00:37:02.000 This is in my book, The Death of Cool, where this guy, um, he lived above me.
00:37:06.000 He was a, I believe, a World War II vet. 0.98
00:37:09.000 And, uh, his anus, uh, just was destroyed. 0.91
00:37:13.000 And he called the police, and I could hear him through the ceiling, because the walls were thin. 0.99
00:37:18.000 I lived in a shitty apartment in Montreal, and I could hear him say, Well, I don't know what you do here!
00:37:23.000 If you throw in the... I'm thrown in the towel. 0.99
00:37:25.000 So I don't know what you do if you put me in jail or what it is, but my walls are a mess.
00:37:30.000 He just somehow shat all over the walls, which I don't get at all. 0.93
00:37:33.000 Unless you walked around the house nude. 0.99
00:37:36.000 His anus is just so distended that feces was just falling out. 0.99
00:37:41.000 Now, even if that's true, if that happened to me tomorrow, there'd be none on the walls. 0.97
00:37:48.000 And I talked to the landlord, he said he had to rip down all the drywall.
00:37:51.000 So, what are you doing?
00:37:52.000 You're on a skateboard in the doggy style position?
00:37:55.000 Just like, splattering the walls?
00:37:57.000 How did you... How did you get into that situation? 0.99
00:38:00.000 My anus could be the size of four donuts. 0.99
00:38:03.000 And I still would keep it within, like, the butt zone. 0.99
00:38:07.000 It would not be on the walls.
00:38:08.000 But anyway, he, um...
00:38:10.000 He was taken away to an old folks home.
00:38:12.000 What an awful time to hula hoop.
00:38:21.000 Sir, you need to stop hula hooping.
00:38:23.000 Is there a hula hoop in your home?
00:38:25.000 Well, yeah, there's one.
00:38:26.000 I only do it a couple hours a day. 1.00
00:38:29.000 It's only the size of my distended asshole. 1.00
00:38:33.000 So, this brings up another unfortunate topic. 1.00
00:38:38.000 Which is the wear and tear on a person's posterior when they pursue that one particular sexual proclivity.
00:38:47.000 And my understanding is that within the homosexual community, bottoms are something like 90% of the field, which I don't quite get.
00:38:57.000 If I was to pursue that endeavor, I would definitely want to pursue top and do the doing, not the being done to.
00:39:04.000 But yeah, they tend to be mostly bottoms, and it shreds your bottom.
00:39:12.000 You know, it doesn't really stand up to a lot of wear and tear, that thing. 0.99
00:39:16.000 As an alcoholic, who always has, you know, brutal problems the next day, I can only imagine if a penis was involved in that mess. 0.96
00:39:26.000 So that's another issue that no one talks about. 0.97
00:39:30.000 What it does, in fact, you know what we're hearing about now? 0.99
00:39:35.000 Thanks to pornography, young girls are experiencing as much anal sex as gays do, and there is a massive epidemic with anal tearing and anal distention within the millennial female community. 0.99
00:39:52.000 That's not gonna make it to the six o'clock news, because people are eating, but the women who are out there dating, 1.00
00:39:59.000 Pornography has turned every cute little hand-holding session into XXX porn, and these women's anuses are getting shredded. 1.00
00:40:08.000 I feel terrible telling you this, because it sounds like I'm Gigi Allen right now, but I'm just telling you facts. 0.99
00:40:15.000 Yeah, that whole pink sock thing where the prolapse, their ass goes from in to out. 0.99
00:40:21.000 It's not even like a fetish thing. 0.99
00:40:23.000 I'm sure my bosses are hearing this and going, why is Gavin saying such horrible things?
00:40:28.000 I didn't know this was a porn site.
00:40:32.000 This is stuff that's happening on Earth.
00:40:35.000 Yeah.
00:40:35.000 The news isn't talking about it, and I don't like it, and I didn't want to talk about it, but this is a thing now.
00:40:41.000 It's like the opioid crisis of assholes. 0.98
00:40:52.000 You know why that's so funny? 1.00
00:40:53.000 Because it literally is.
00:40:55.000 It's the unseen, untalked about.
00:40:57.000 That's what an analogy... And it's being promoted, you know,
00:41:03.000 You know, it's being promoted fiercely.
00:41:04.000 Oh, Artie Lang is on the show.
00:41:06.000 Artie, what do you think about this new trend?
00:41:08.000 Yeah, did I ever tell you about Tony Curtis?
00:41:12.000 Yeah, you mentioned it many, many times.
00:41:13.000 Alright, I'm gonna skip that one then.
00:41:17.000 Yeah, but no, that's true.
00:41:19.000 That's totally happening and that'll ruin you for life.
00:41:24.000 Yeah, I don't want to conflate these two things, too.
00:41:27.000 There's one thing.
00:41:29.000 The topic of this podcast is me just being curious what it's like to be gay. 0.99
00:41:34.000 It must be weird to wake up on a dude's chest, like with your ears on his pecs and your leg over his hairy legs. 0.97
00:41:42.000 That's obviously confusing to me as a straight person.
00:41:45.000 That must be weird. 0.79
00:41:47.000 That's sort of like a silly thing.
00:41:49.000 Secondly, totally separate topic.
00:41:52.000 I feel bad about gays when I think about their lives post 35 because they can't be part of the same chapters we're part of, which is the, um, having kids and knowing there's grandkids in the future. 1.00
00:42:04.000 And that seems beautiful to me and you guys don't have that.
00:42:07.000 And that breaks my heart. 0.99
00:42:08.000 And that's why it would break my heart if my sons were gay. 1.00
00:42:11.000 Um, not because I think, you know, being gay is evil, but just cause they'd be missing out on a thing. 0.98
00:42:15.000 It's empathy actually.
00:42:17.000 And then third,
00:42:19.000 Totally separate.
00:42:20.000 No, sorry. 0.99
00:42:21.000 And the third is what it does to your anus. 0.98
00:42:24.000 It's not good. 0.99
00:42:26.000 Rips it to shreds.
00:42:27.000 And then fourth, I jumped to a new topic where I said, with this proliferation of pornography, women are experiencing 0.96
00:42:37.000 It's basically a gay lifestyle at a young age and it's having physical effects. 1.00
00:42:42.000 It's having medical effects that, uh, are both funny and daunting at the same time.
00:42:51.000 And, uh, you only hear about it on this podcast, which is, uh, called Get Off My Lawn.
00:42:58.000 Wait a minute.
00:42:58.000 Update.
00:43:00.000 Update.
00:43:02.000 Um, and, and we don't end the pod.
00:43:05.000 Do you listen to my podcast?
00:43:08.000 No.
00:43:09.000 Have you ever listened to one of my podcasts?
00:43:15.000 We forgot some important details.
00:43:19.000 One that you just brought up.
00:43:19.000 Do you want to just repeat that?
00:43:21.000 Yeah, also it's after a certain point, you know, you get to a certain age and
00:43:28.000 You have a kid, and now you're living for somebody else.
00:43:30.000 Now you're responsible for somebody else.
00:43:31.000 It's like, you know, unless you're super in love with yourself, you might start being like, you know what, I'm kind of sick of the old rye guy. 1.00
00:43:39.000 But you got a little dude, you got a little kid that you have to be around for, and you're living for something else.
00:43:46.000 Yeah, like, heterosexuals.
00:43:49.000 If the guy has some money, or even if not, he'll often be able to find a girl 30 years younger, 20 years younger, 10 years younger, who wants him, and then he's like, I gotta get out of bed, I gotta shower and stuff.
00:44:01.000 Gays are more shallow, so they tend, these older homos tend not to have someone who wants them, and that, they get depressed, and they get lonely. 1.00
00:44:12.000 Because, I don't know, they just don't, they don't have the opportunity, and that's, 0.95
00:44:17.000 That's profoundly sad, but here's another thing that I'm going to talk about when I was talking about the chapters in your life.
00:44:25.000 A centenarian, do you know what a centenarian is?
00:44:27.000 Somebody over a hundred years old.
00:44:29.000 Whoa.
00:44:30.000 The Japanese in you knows stuff.
00:44:30.000 Yes.
00:44:34.000 So a centenarian, they did all these studies on centenarians and they created a Venn diagram.
00:44:40.000 You probably don't know what that is.
00:44:41.000 Yes, I do.
00:44:42.000 What's a Venn diagram?
00:44:43.000 It's a visual representation of two different things, and the section in which they meet in the middle is the common attributes.
00:44:51.000 Okay, you're good, you're good.
00:44:53.000 All right, last question.
00:44:54.000 Let's see if we can get this.
00:44:55.000 What is a caterpillar?
00:44:57.000 That would be the form before a butterfly.
00:45:01.000 It is a dopa pod.
00:45:04.000 It's a brand of construction equipment.
00:45:07.000 Yes, and shoe. 0.96
00:45:11.000 The centenarians, they found the Venn diagram was, they tend to be island people, like near water, so they tend to be Japanese, Greek.
00:45:21.000 Puerto Rican.
00:45:22.000 Okay.
00:45:24.000 They tend to have, and obviously part of island life is fish, so fish tended to be a thing here.
00:45:32.000 I think fish helps you.
00:45:33.000 This is, sorry, I'm talking about
00:45:36.000 Not just centenarians, but people who are able to thwart senility and Alzheimer's.
00:45:46.000 And then the third thing was they tend to be around their grandchildren and their great-grandchildren.
00:45:52.000 Now here's where it gets kooky.
00:45:54.000 I believe God, and if you're an atheist just use the word nature,
00:46:01.000 Plants these chips in your head and says, I want to give endorphins when someone does good that helps the entire species. 0.99
00:46:10.000 So when you're a great grandfather, or when you're even a grandfather, you go, holy fuck, I'd fucking nailed it. 0.99
00:46:16.000 Like when you're a dad and you have kids, you go, I think I did a pretty good job. 0.99
00:46:20.000 But those kids could all die and you could screw up and you didn't do anything.
00:46:23.000 Once your kids have kids, that's different.
00:46:26.000 And if you go on YouTube,
00:46:27.000 And you see these, um, people announcing to their parents that they're pregnant and you see the way the grandparents react, they go apoplectic.
00:46:39.000 And I believe that is like a Darwinian thing where they go, okay, now I've officially nailed it.
00:46:46.000 I've officially set my feet in the sand.
00:46:50.000 I've officially done it.
00:46:52.000 And I made baby's babies.
00:46:55.000 It's one thing to make babies. 1.00
00:46:57.000 You're not really accomplished until you make babies' babies. 1.00
00:47:00.000 And when your daughter tells you she's pregnant, you just made babies' babies, now you can just go fucking walk off a pier. 0.99
00:47:06.000 You're good. 1.00
00:47:07.000 You're done.
00:47:09.000 And these centenarians, you know, there's even been cases, there's a great article in the New York Times about this, where they talked about guys who were experiencing Alzheimer's, they went back to Greece, whatever, lived with their grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and the Alzheimer's actually went away.
00:47:29.000 They could reverse the process of dementia and Alzheimer's and whatever the other one is. 0.94
00:47:35.000 Um, and I think that is a Darwinian thing, where, you know, your body releases endorphins when they see you around your great-grandchildren, because they go, you really fucking nailed it, dude.
00:47:47.000 Plus, kids are jumping around, and they're, you know, saying things, and they're stimulating your brain.
00:47:52.000 When you're 100 years old, you're mostly just around old people going, let's throw in the towel. 1.00
00:47:58.000 But a four-year-old isn't saying, don't throw in the towel, look at this, feel my muscles, look how strong I am, feel my muscles.
00:48:03.000 And also the feeling usefulness as far as like imparting wisdom onto them, like you have all these things that you've learned and all this stuff that you've experienced and how do you pass that down?
00:48:14.000 People over probably ten don't want to hear it.
00:48:17.000 Yeah, I didn't think of that.
00:48:18.000 Yeah, there's definitely an element of that too, where you're not just talking to the kids, you're talking to the 40-year-old dad and saying, look, your daughter is going to be a problem for a long time because she is of that age, but you have to stand by her.
00:48:34.000 And just make sure that when she needs you, you are there.
00:48:38.000 But as far as intervening with this relationship with this boy, I don't think you can change that.
00:48:44.000 You're just going to make it worse, Vincent.
00:48:46.000 She's going to resent you.
00:48:48.000 She's going to resent you, Vincent.
00:48:50.000 Just all you can do is be there for her and make sure that Vincent, I mean, sorry, Krakos is good to her. 0.98
00:48:58.000 If Krakos hurts her, of course, Mew and I will kill him. 0.99
00:49:02.000 I will kill him because I don't care about jail. 0.99
00:49:04.000 But as far as dating, Vincent, you need to let her date Krakos because she is growing as a woman and there's nothing you can do. 0.99
00:49:14.000 And I am Triumph the insult dog.
00:49:16.000 You're a great grandfather.
00:49:18.000 She is a great granddaughter. 0.98
00:49:19.000 I do poop on her. 1.00
00:49:27.000 No, go off. 0.96
00:49:28.000 Have fun.
00:49:29.000 Yeah.
00:49:30.000 But you know what?
00:49:31.000 I had this theory that right after I kind of left my great-grandparents, my great-grandmother's still alive, but after I moved to my grandparents out of the Bronx, my great-grandfather got dementia.
00:49:46.000 And I was like, maybe that's because he's pretty much raised me.
00:49:49.000 And then I just disappear.
00:49:50.000 He's like, wait, what happened?
00:49:51.000 Didn't I just raise something?
00:49:52.000 Isn't that like God's way of saying, OK, you can die now? 1.00
00:49:55.000 Yeah, it's fucked. 1.00
00:49:56.000 So you killed your great-grandfather. 1.00
00:49:58.000 Yeah, but then he bought me my first guitar and I played him music, and music is the only thing that lights up their brain.
00:50:02.000 Oh yeah, they like that, yeah.
00:50:04.000 So that was like a nice full circle, but still I'm pretty bummed about giving him Alzheimer's for Pete's sake.
00:50:08.000 You know what else is really sad about not procreating?
00:50:11.000 Like Anthony Cumia, I think you actually told him, so you're not having kids, so no more Cumia after you.
00:50:19.000 You know, it was Bill.
00:50:21.000 Yeah, no, Anthony's got Don.
00:50:23.000 Don has two kids.
00:50:24.000 Yeah, but there won't be a little... Joe Camia might have kids, I can't remember.
00:50:28.000 I think so, but still, like... But, yeah, it's such a waste.
00:50:31.000 That was Anthony's shitty dad who fucking took off on them. 0.99
00:50:35.000 But, um... Yeah, imagine how cool Anthony's kid would be. 1.00
00:50:38.000 He'd just be, like, fucking funny. 0.98
00:50:39.000 Well, that's the thing with Anthony. 0.99
00:50:40.000 He goes, oh, I can't have kids.
00:50:41.000 You know, I'd be a terrible dad.
00:50:43.000 Oh, really?
00:50:44.000 What do you do, terrible dad?
00:50:45.000 Well, I play video games and I drive... 1.00
00:50:49.000 I drive drones around my neighborhood and look at cool shit. 1.00
00:50:52.000 Oh yeah, young boys hate that. 0.99
00:50:55.000 Oh I'm sorry, you want to avoid being a perfect dad, I understand.
00:50:58.000 There's one thing a little boy doesn't want to do, it's drive a drone around the neighborhood with his dad.
00:51:03.000 I was thinking about writing a movie for him, and I was crazy enough to actually tell him this concept, where when he was out in California, when his dad brought him out, he accidentally knocked up a chick, and he's got a kid out there, and just fully grown, comes up to him and is like, hey dad, it's me!
00:51:18.000 Wow, that's such a shitty ending to such a great podcast. 0.99
00:51:22.000 We nailed it, we were being scientific, and we're using giant words like centenarian, and then you fucking fanboy, you just ruined it. 0.99
00:51:30.000 That's absolutely true. 0.99
00:51:31.000 Let's just press stop.
00:51:32.000 Okay.