Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

00:03:06.000 Oh, Ryan is on it.

00:03:09.000 See that?

00:03:10.000 I tried to fake him out with the pause and he fucking nailed it.

00:03:13.000 Nailed it.

00:03:14.000 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Get Off My Lawn.

00:03:17.000 We have Maddie O'Dell!

00:03:19.000 Everybody.

00:03:20.000 Maddie Odell on the side speakers over here.

00:03:24.000 Of course, we have Ryan Katsu Rivera, who, by the way, Maddie and I got here early, and Ryan did not sit with us.

00:03:35.000 That's correct.

00:03:37.000 Well, my only reason for that is because look at this cool new frame that we have.

00:03:43.000 Pre-roll Tactical Walls.

00:03:45.000 Tactical Walls.

00:03:46.000 This episode is brought to you by Tactical Walls.

00:03:48.000 It's veteran-owned.

00:03:51.000 Go to www.tacticalwalls.com for the best products in America.

00:03:56.000 Tactical Walls promo code Gavin, 20% off all orders.

00:04:01.000 I don't know why we're not watching Tactical Walls Behind Me.

00:04:05.000 It is tacticalwalls.com.

00:04:08.000 Go there, talk to the owner, Tactical Tim.

00:04:11.000 He's available.

00:04:13.000 20% off all orders.

00:04:16.000 Ryan, why not bring up a Tactical Wall behind us?

00:04:20.000 Here it comes.

00:04:21.000 Here it comes.

00:04:23.000 Four minutes late.

00:04:26.000 It's still waiting.

00:04:28.000 This is shocking, dude.

00:04:30.000 There we go.

00:04:32.000 What?

00:04:33.000 Dude, what happened?

00:04:35.000 Why'd that take you an entire commercial?

00:04:40.000 There's a long reason for it.

00:04:41.000 Okay, let's hear it.

00:04:43.000 So, see this cool new frame?

00:04:47.000 Sort of.

00:04:48.000 Now when I do this, it switches to Maddie.

00:04:51.000 And now it switches the frame back.

00:04:53.000 So I have to figure out a way how to keep this cool frame.

00:04:56.000 Wait, what's a frame?

00:04:57.000 What do you mean cool frame?

00:04:58.000 See this frame?

00:04:59.000 What do you mean this frame?

00:05:00.000 Look at the frame around the thing.

00:05:02.000 Oh, that sort of like weird fade?

00:05:04.000 Yeah, this is the autumn frame.

00:05:08.000 Okay.

00:05:08.000 Spend a lot of time on that.

00:05:10.000 Okay, total waste of time.

00:05:12.000 No one cares.

00:05:13.000 But again, go nuts.

00:05:16.000 So your stupid autumn frame means we can't see our sponsors promote their products.

00:05:24.000 It's a seasonal frame, and I apologize to our sponsors.

00:05:27.000 And to make up for it, here we go.

00:05:28.000 Here's a lower third.

00:05:30.000 Okay, you suck.

00:05:34.000 So yeah, Maddie, how you been?

00:05:37.000 I went golfing with our friends at our local today.

00:05:40.000 I was golfing all day.

00:05:43.000 Yep.

00:05:44.000 It went well.

00:05:45.000 We all suck shit.

00:05:48.000 We actually ran out of balls.

00:05:50.000 We had 30 balls.

00:05:52.000 They're all gone.

00:05:56.000 So Joel went to the clubhouse in the ninth hole, and he spent $60 on 12 balls.

00:06:07.000 And they lasted the next?

00:06:10.000 We barely made it to the 18th hole.

00:06:12.000 So that's $5 a ball, basically.

00:06:14.000 Woof.

00:06:15.000 Toast.

00:06:17.000 It was unbelievable.

00:06:18.000 Probably cost more than a round of golf.

00:06:20.000 What a car wreck.

00:06:22.000 We're assholes.

00:06:24.000 Cheers.

00:06:26.000 Cheers.

00:06:28.000 Are you sad about it?

00:06:31.000 Scottish, of course he's a good one.

00:06:32.000 It doesn't feel good when you suck at something.

00:06:34.000 The rest of the day kind of stinks.

00:06:36.000 No, I don't feel that way.

00:06:39.000 I think that if you suck and you play golf and you're with really good players, it's humiliating.

00:06:46.000 But if they also suck.

00:06:49.000 It's your best and you suck?

00:06:51.000 Yeah.

00:06:51.000 It's sort of like a kid crying on a plane.

00:06:54.000 If a kid cries on the plane, you're like, thank God that's not my kid.

00:06:59.000 I'm good.

00:07:01.000 Now, I will say, I was actually thinking about this today as we play golf.

00:07:06.000 I do get really mad when kids cry in church.

00:07:12.000 Get them out of there.

00:07:13.000 It's not working.

00:07:14.000 They're not listening.

00:07:15.000 They're a baby.

00:07:17.000 Get them out of here.

00:07:19.000 But the thing about a church and a plane is you can't leave a plane.

00:07:23.000 You die.

00:07:24.000 You fall to your death.

00:07:26.000 So we're all together on the plane.

00:07:28.000 So let's go.

00:07:33.000 Let's try to calm the baby down.

00:07:36.000 Get him out of here.

00:07:37.000 Get out.

00:07:39.000 That's exactly how I feel.

00:07:40.000 I've actually heard of old school Brooklyn churches where the priest yells at the kid.

00:07:49.000 Where he goes, what are we doing here?

00:07:51.000 Why is this kid screaming her head off?

00:07:54.000 What's going on over here?

00:07:57.000 That sounds great.

00:07:59.000 Never experienced it.

00:08:00.000 Did you go to church as a kid?

00:08:02.000 Yeah.

00:08:03.000 I went to CCD, religious, confirmed, was baptized.

00:08:08.000 Did my first Holy Communion.

00:08:10.000 Did a confirmation.

00:08:12.000 Did you go to church every day as a kid?

00:08:14.000 No, not every day.

00:08:15.000 Every Sunday.

00:08:16.000 Every Sunday, I mean.

00:08:17.000 9 o'clock Mass, yeah.

00:08:18.000 Blessed Sacrament.

00:08:20.000 Blessed Sacrament.

00:08:23.000 Why did your mother, out of all the places in the world, choose New Rochelle?

00:08:29.000 That's where the family who sponsored her for her green card came.

00:08:32.000 That's where they were.

00:08:33.000 Oh, she was in au-pair.

00:08:35.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:08:35.000 She came over to Nau Pair.

00:08:37.000 At what age?

00:08:38.000 16.

00:08:39.000 Oh, wow.

00:08:40.000 Yeah.

00:08:41.000 She's probably hot.

00:08:43.000 She finished back then, I think he got out of high school in 10th grade, 16 or something.

00:08:49.000 She's probably a sexy teenager.

00:08:50.000 So she signed off and she went to work for the Lance family.

00:08:54.000 They owned a big company called Defender Marine Supplies.

00:08:58.000 I met an old dude at the Legion in local township, and he said your mother had very salty language.

00:09:07.000 My oof.

00:09:08.000 Yes.

00:09:09.000 Like a truck driver.

00:09:12.000 That pisses me off.

00:09:13.000 That makes me think less of you, Maddie.

00:09:16.000 Oh.

00:09:16.000 That your mother swore.

00:09:17.000 She was a strict person.

00:09:19.000 I tend not to fraternize with men whose mothers swore.

00:09:25.000 That's true.

00:09:26.000 Veteran-owned.

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00:09:43.000 That's not enough.

00:09:44.000 When you use promo code Gavin, you get an additional 15% off.

00:09:49.000 Check out BeardVet and tell them Gavin sent you.

00:09:52.000 We have a whole box of Beard Vet shit by the door.

00:09:55.000 Why don't you go grab it?

00:10:00.000 Sean, the owner of Beard Vet, is one of us.

00:10:02.000 He's a good egg.

00:10:03.000 We like him more than a friend.

00:10:04.000 Like most of our sponsors, BeardVet is a veteran-owned and operated company.

00:10:08.000 We support them.

00:10:08.000 They support us.

00:10:10.000 Beardvet.com, promo code Gavin, 50% off all orders.

00:10:18.000 And by the way, you may have noticed I'm wearing one of our most popular Biden shirts.

00:10:23.000 When Trump does follow through or doesn't would follow through, the exact opposite.

00:10:31.000 Retard, you don't have to open it.

00:10:34.000 Just bring me the box.

00:10:36.000 Stop.

00:10:37.000 Brian, stop.

00:10:48.000 This is Beard Vet box.

00:10:50.000 What do we got here?

00:10:52.000 We have the coffee.

00:10:56.000 The excellence.

00:10:58.000 We have endless excellence from Beard Vet.

00:11:01.000 Look at this shit.

00:11:03.000 One, two, three levels of excellence.

00:11:06.000 Then we have some sort of pouch thing.

00:11:10.000 If this was a bomb, by the way, this would be a great way to die.

00:11:16.000 Look at this.

00:11:17.000 Beard brush.

00:11:18.000 Beard brush.

00:11:20.000 Beard grooming materials.

00:11:24.000 There seems to be some sort of beard oil, tobacco and patch.

00:11:30.000 Shouldn't we just send everyone into the military?

00:11:32.000 Look at when they come out, they're so disciplined.

00:11:38.000 And we're going to do for them an awesome commercial song.

00:11:51.000 I was expecting rock and roll.

00:11:53.000 I was going to be like, fucking beard vet coffee.

00:11:55.000 You can put it on your face.

00:11:56.000 You can put it in your cup and drink it too.

00:12:00.000 Wait, what?

00:12:02.000 I was going to say you were guessing that a magical song would just appear?

00:12:07.000 Yeah.

00:12:07.000 Beard vet, you can put it in your coffee.

00:12:10.000 Beard vet, you can put it on your face.

00:12:13.000 Beard vet, it's got great next limbs because they're made by vets in the United States.

00:12:21.000 That's free.

00:12:24.000 Hey now.

00:12:25.000 All right, we have 15 minutes left before we go behind the paywall.

00:12:30.000 My computer's, I guess, in the other room.

00:12:32.000 Ryan, why don't you explain to Maddie everything you hate about him and why?

00:12:37.000 Okay, well, first of all, Maddie.

00:12:40.000 I have no hatred towards you.

00:12:43.000 Okay.

00:12:44.000 That's about that.

00:12:47.000 No, no, no.

00:12:48.000 Get it out in the open.

00:12:49.000 I don't have any harsh feelings towards the man at all.

00:12:52.000 Delve deep.

00:12:53.000 There's no deepness to the way I feel about you.

00:12:58.000 It's very nice to know you.

00:13:02.000 It's pleasant.

00:13:04.000 Always full of laughs.

00:13:05.000 You helped me out with Taco Bell the other day.

00:13:07.000 Hey, for whom the tolls.

00:13:09.000 The Taco Bell tolls.

00:13:11.000 For the Taco Bell tolls.

00:13:13.000 There is an update with that.

00:13:15.000 So a friend of the show did something very nice.

00:13:21.000 Okay.

00:13:22.000 And they set up a GoFundMe for my tacos.

00:13:25.000 Nice.

00:13:26.000 Brian Bailey.

00:13:28.000 Great guy.

00:13:29.000 And here it is.

00:13:31.000 And I think it's going to beat the Joe Carr fund.

00:13:36.000 The Joe Carr fund's up to $400.

00:13:38.000 This is up to $145 for my tacos.

00:13:41.000 Wait a minute.

00:13:43.000 He's got $100.

00:13:44.000 Joe's car is $400.

00:13:47.000 Yep.

00:13:48.000 Holy shit.

00:13:48.000 $350 about that?

00:13:51.000 I can't believe that.

00:13:52.000 It's ridiculous.

00:13:54.000 Holy shit.

00:13:55.000 So just to be clear, folks at home who are not understanding what happened here, we discovered last week, 24 hours time seven ago, that Ryan's not allowed to go to Taco Bell.

00:14:10.000 His wife does not let him go there.

00:14:12.000 That's not true.

00:14:13.000 So he tried to surreptitiously circumvent $10 from Maddie O'Dell, wherein he would use that money to go and get a burrito box, which is $5.

00:14:29.000 We made fun of him.

00:14:30.000 He absolved himself of that situation, but he did not.

00:14:34.000 And he skulked away to Taco Bell in the South Bronx, several blocks away.

00:14:42.000 And then, coincidentally, Maddie O'Dell was in the same vicinity because I guess he wanted, I don't know, what did you want?

00:14:51.000 A chalupa?

00:14:52.000 I just wanted to go see Ryan.

00:14:54.000 You did?

00:14:55.000 So he goes into the parking lot in the South Bronx and he sees Ryan scarfing his face.

00:15:03.000 They call me Scarf Face.

00:15:05.000 He goes, what are you doing, dude?

00:15:07.000 And he's like, what?

00:15:11.000 Hello, I would like to clear my name.

00:15:13.000 I never told Ryan he can't have fast food.

00:15:15.000 I told him, don't spend money on dumb shit.

00:15:18.000 I'm pretty sure food does not qualify.

00:15:22.000 I was talking about not buying more ugly pullovers.

00:15:26.000 Wait, that's a very British term, isn't it?

00:15:28.000 In trainers.

00:15:30.000 And impulse buying from Instagram ads.

00:15:32.000 I never said no, Taco Bell, and I have no clue where you got that idea from.

00:15:38.000 That is all from Ryan's wife.

00:15:40.000 Okay, this lying woman.

00:15:43.000 This is actually more embarrassing, dude.

00:15:45.000 No, she's a liar.

00:15:46.000 I should have never read that.

00:15:47.000 Okay, let's do both because they're all equally embarrassing.

00:15:51.000 So did she or did she not tell you you can't eat at Taco Bell?

00:15:56.000 She said, if we have food at home, I was like, it's a couple of bucks.

00:16:00.000 And she says, this has happened in the past for sure.

00:16:04.000 She's been like, we have food at home.

00:16:06.000 Don't waste money.

00:16:06.000 I'm like, it's fucking $2.

00:16:08.000 So that was a conversation that has been had in the past for sure.

00:16:11.000 Maybe it was a couple weeks ago.

00:16:13.000 Maybe she feels that we're high on the hog now, but I knew that it would cost.

00:16:18.000 Call me old-fashioned, but eating goes by times.

00:16:22.000 Like if I was with my wife and I went by Taco Bell, I'd go, I want to get something.

00:16:26.000 And she'd go, well, it's 4 p.m.

00:16:29.000 We're eating at 5.30.

00:16:32.000 Don't do that.

00:16:33.000 But if it was like 11.50 a.m.

00:16:37.000 And I went, I want to go get something in the Taco Bell drive-thru.

00:16:42.000 She'd go, well, we're not having dinner until 6 p.m.

00:16:45.000 I don't give a fuck.

00:16:47.000 You can eat out a fucking homeless prostitute.

00:16:52.000 Why would I care what you eat right now?

00:16:54.000 Why would she give you permission to do that, though?

00:16:55.000 That's gross.

00:16:56.000 I eat five times a day or try to.

00:16:58.000 So take what I just said as a vessel and tell me what you violated of the vessel in your past.

00:17:08.000 In the past, I think we were a little tight on cash.

00:17:13.000 And maybe I was thinking of those times and that factored into deciding the same thing.

00:17:19.000 I didn't say that.

00:17:20.000 I said, tell me about a scenario wherein you violated your wife's trust by eating something.

00:17:31.000 Okay, for instance, the other day, right?

00:17:34.000 We have dinner made, but I want some sides because we're having leftovers.

00:17:38.000 Wait, wait, wait.

00:17:39.000 Where are we talking about?

00:17:41.000 The other night, we were having leftovers.

00:17:43.000 No, it's got to be before this incident.

00:17:46.000 This was after the incident, which is worse.

00:17:48.000 Showing that this is not some old thing.

00:17:51.000 This is still new shit.

00:17:53.000 So, we have leftovers, and I say, I want to spice it up, though.

00:17:56.000 Let's get some greens or something.

00:17:58.000 I'll go to Popeye's, and we'll get like a side from Popeyes.

00:18:01.000 Wait, you'll go to Popeye's exclusively for sides?

00:18:04.000 For side.

00:18:06.000 Because I thought they had collard greens or something.

00:18:09.000 Fun.

00:18:09.000 Like, we need some greens.

00:18:11.000 Otherwise, I have to drink my green shake.

00:18:13.000 So, wait, now you're going to Popeyes just for sides?

00:18:16.000 Just to spice up the leftovers.

00:18:18.000 But you don't.

00:18:19.000 Because there's nothing fun about leftovers.

00:18:21.000 You can't go to a place and just get sides.

00:18:26.000 Sides are literally named after the word sides.

00:18:29.000 But we had a main.

00:18:31.000 What was your main?

00:18:32.000 It might have been pesto.

00:18:35.000 No, that was last night.

00:18:36.000 It was something chickeny.

00:18:39.000 Yeah.

00:18:39.000 Okay.

00:18:40.000 So the point is that Popeyes created sides to go with your main course.

00:18:46.000 You don't go to Popeyes for sides.

00:18:49.000 It's pretty close by.

00:18:51.000 And so I wound up getting Rayo's soup from the supermarket instead.

00:18:57.000 Oh, you know what it was?

00:18:59.000 It was latkas.

00:19:04.000 I made little latkes, potato pancakes.

00:19:07.000 And then the main was, I forgot, actually.

00:19:13.000 Okay, right now I feel like if I killed you.

00:19:16.000 I'm like, okay, latkas and end.

00:19:19.000 I forgot.

00:19:20.000 I feel like if I shot you, no judge in the county would persecute me.

00:19:26.000 I don't think that.

00:19:27.000 I think I could murder you and be above The law.

00:19:31.000 I don't think that's true at all.

00:19:33.000 And what kind of Rayo soup did you get?

00:19:35.000 Minestrone.

00:19:36.000 No pasta fagio.

00:19:38.000 It's like strone, but smaller.

00:19:40.000 That's not funny.

00:19:41.000 Okay.

00:19:42.000 All right.

00:19:42.000 Last sponsor.

00:19:46.000 We're down to the wire here.

00:19:48.000 Bubba and Hanks.

00:19:49.000 www.bubbandhanks.com.

00:19:52.000 Promo code Gavin.

00:19:53.000 20% off.

00:19:54.000 Actually, 50% off.

00:19:56.000 What?

00:19:57.000 Yeah, we went down.

00:19:58.000 I decided 20% off was too much.

00:20:01.000 Damn.

00:20:02.000 Bubba's battling cancer.

00:20:06.000 He's not doing well.

00:20:08.000 So why don't you support this show and our sponsors and what of our sponsors who's dying of cancer?

00:20:18.000 Who's going to survive of cancer?

00:20:20.000 Stick in there, Bub.

00:20:21.000 Stay strong.

00:20:21.000 Let's show our love and support to those who support us.

00:20:25.000 That is Bubbaandhanks.com.

00:20:28.000 Promo code Gavin.

00:20:32.000 All right.

00:20:33.000 So I like to get a couple of letters in before we go behind the paywall.

00:20:38.000 Let's do the fucking mailbag song.

00:20:45.000 Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.

00:20:49.000 Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.

00:20:55.000 Let me touch it.

00:21:00.000 Okay.

00:21:01.000 You ready?

00:21:02.000 Yes.

00:21:03.000 Gavin being shit-faced.

00:21:08.000 That's mean.

00:21:11.000 It's like, no, life's hard.

00:21:13.000 Please clean up, Gavin, or you'll end up in a bloody coma like me in Bulgaria.

00:21:19.000 It's like, no.

00:21:20.000 Life's hard.

00:21:22.000 Please clean up, Gavin, or you'll end up in a bloody coma like me.

00:21:26.000 Wait, we have Jordan Peterson on the line.

00:21:28.000 Jordan Peterson is in the studio.

00:21:31.000 That's right.

00:21:32.000 Jordan, are you there?

00:21:34.000 Yep.

00:21:36.000 Can I see you?

00:21:37.000 I'm trying to get Ryan to figure out the damn video.

00:21:41.000 The bloody video.

00:21:43.000 But he's not.

00:21:44.000 You know what I think?

00:21:46.000 I think that Jordan Peterson stole Clean Your Room from Me.

00:21:52.000 How do you mean?

00:21:53.000 And I stole it from a dude named Kennedy who has a self-help book that I worked on with him.

00:21:58.000 I edited it.

00:22:02.000 Yeah, I think Jordan Peterson stole Clean Your Room from Me.

00:22:06.000 You stole Clean Your Room from Me.

00:22:09.000 I'm sorry.

00:22:12.000 Wait, where are you?

00:22:15.000 I don't have him on the ready.

00:22:17.000 Okay.

00:22:18.000 Did you guys start late tonight or am I a wheat wad?

00:22:22.000 Anyway, I'm a coffee slut.

00:22:24.000 I just ordered a Beard Vet Excellence, whole bean coffee from Amazon.

00:22:28.000 Whatever, you rock.

00:22:29.000 That's a nice guy.

00:22:31.000 There you go.

00:22:32.000 There we go.

00:22:32.000 That's what we're going for.

00:22:35.000 Dear Retard and Ryan, not sure if you guys are aware, but the Dyke lady with the cigar in one of the drops, I mean the deb, was not only affirmative action hire, but literally took the place of the man in the original movie.

00:22:50.000 Yes.

00:22:51.000 I'm sick of people telling us about shit that we've mentioned on the show.

00:22:58.000 Yes, the douchebag, what's his name, Elijah Malabad was replaced by Tegnataro in this movie, Army of the Dead.

00:23:09.000 Holy shit.

00:23:11.000 Ugh.

00:23:14.000 And he was in trouble for wanting to fuck teenagers, which is horrible, by the way.

00:23:19.000 Horrible.

00:23:20.000 But we hate him because he has a whole diatribe about how white some dude was at the gym.

00:23:26.000 Ugh.

00:23:26.000 Some big white guy.

00:23:28.000 Apparently, they shot the entire movie with Chris DeLeah, but soon after he was accused of this text message shit, so they removed him entirely from the movie and put the dyke bitch in charge.

00:23:41.000 Yeah, we know, dude.

00:23:44.000 I demand you watch the first two minutes of this on your show.

00:23:47.000 Watch the whole thing, especially after nine minutes.

00:23:51.000 His rap is so funny.

00:23:53.000 I bet it sucks.

00:23:55.000 Do you know what I'm talking about?

00:23:57.000 Yes.

00:23:58.000 You know, it's weird.

00:23:59.000 I got that letter twice with different emails.

00:24:05.000 I was hooking up with this chick.

00:24:06.000 One day she was on the phone with her family in Jamaica, and she was really in the middle of a heated conversation.

00:24:15.000 I really had no idea what the fuck she was saying.

00:24:17.000 And her friend said, give me a pickney to the QR with me, so makeup chat.

00:24:21.000 I'm like, wow, wow.

00:24:22.000 So, wait, break that down.

00:24:25.000 So then I just started, she started breaking down a lot of shit.

00:24:27.000 I'm like, how do you say this?

00:24:28.000 John No Star.

00:24:30.000 How do you say that?

00:24:31.000 Like seven.

00:24:33.000 She was just telling me how to say different shit.

00:24:35.000 So I'm like, for like a week, like I was really on a Jamaican tip.

00:24:39.000 And that just happened to be the week of the Golden Gloves.

00:25:06.000 Isn't it funny that she's mad at him for appropriating black culture?

00:25:10.000 And then she says, hella confused.

00:25:12.000 Yeah.

00:25:13.000 I had Jamaicans blowing up my Instagram.

00:25:16.000 Respect generator.

00:25:17.000 We are going to come to the island.

00:25:19.000 You know what I mean?

00:25:20.000 The Jamaican people showed me down.

00:25:23.000 But then you got all these social trials.

00:25:25.000 Ancient news, dude.

00:25:26.000 Thanks for telling us about Chet Atkins being interviewed by that random dude from Channel 5.

00:25:35.000 This is a production from this dude.

00:25:38.000 You have his shirt.

00:25:39.000 I know.

00:25:40.000 We don't like him anymore.

00:25:41.000 Oh, yeah.

00:25:42.000 He's a sellout.

00:25:47.000 What was that?

00:25:49.000 It's a shot glass.

00:25:50.000 It broke.

00:25:52.000 Yeah.

00:25:53.000 How do you not know that this guy's with the dark side?

00:25:59.000 I didn't know he was with the dark side.

00:26:03.000 Dude, Tim Heidecker bought whatever that original thing was called.

00:26:09.000 Oh, yeah.

00:26:11.000 You didn't know that?

00:26:13.000 Pedal to the metal or something?

00:26:15.000 Yeah.

00:26:22.000 Well, now I know.

00:26:24.000 How'd you not know that?

00:26:25.000 Because I'm indifferent towards our enemies.

00:26:28.000 You're not.

00:26:29.000 You'll fucking.

00:26:29.000 You have to know who they are.

00:26:32.000 You have to know our enemies.

00:26:34.000 Oops.

00:26:35.000 You have to know what they do.

00:26:37.000 You have to know what they're about.

00:26:40.000 I caught that one, but you've knocked over some things.

00:26:44.000 How do you not know about our fucking enemies?

00:26:48.000 How do you not know about Tim Heideker and fucking Vic Berger?

00:27:01.000 God damn it.

00:27:02.000 So anyway, Channel 5 is dead.

00:27:06.000 Sorry.

00:27:06.000 Channel 5 is dead to us.

00:27:09.000 Here's a letter from a guy named Aaron.

00:27:11.000 Pulp Fiction.

00:27:12.000 Face Swap.

00:27:14.000 I got a kick out of this and thought you guys might like it as well.

00:27:17.000 I don't like it.

00:27:18.000 It's boring and stupid.

00:27:20.000 I was disappointed to see how old I looked.

00:27:24.000 This is from 5.46 p.m., Ryan.

00:27:27.000 There you go.

00:27:29.000 I'm black.

00:27:31.000 What do you think of yourself as a black?

00:27:33.000 That doesn't look too different.

00:27:36.000 Which is upsetting.

00:27:37.000 Except for the Jerry Curls.

00:27:38.000 The Jerry Curls, yes.

00:27:39.000 I look so old.

00:27:42.000 You know, you look an old man.

00:27:48.000 This is from Dakota.

00:27:49.000 What's up, Gavin Rai guy?

00:27:50.000 You guys got to check out this trailer.

00:27:52.000 As soon as I saw it, it reminded me of one of Brian Stettler's wife's pussy.

00:27:58.000 Good for a laugh.

00:28:01.000 Okay, let's see this trailer.

00:28:03.000 Candy ass.

00:28:04.000 That sounds familiar.

00:28:06.000 You may have actually covered this on the show.

00:28:09.000 Do you like my shirt?

00:28:13.000 When Trump does follow through or doesn't do follow through, or the exact opposite.

00:28:21.000 Joe Biden.

00:28:32.000 I got a piss.

00:28:39.000 Yeah, you say his name five times in the mirror because I'll kill you.

00:28:41.000 One, two, three, four, four.

00:28:49.000 Candy ass.

00:28:52.000 I wait.

00:28:55.000 Hold on a second.

00:28:57.000 Aren't you just that fat Balding guy on CNN?

00:29:00.000 Yes, it is I, heterosexual news anchor Brian Steltzer, who can take an agenda, cover it in news, sprinkle it with lies and submiss information to the candy ass.

00:29:16.000 The candy ass cam?

00:29:19.000 Oh god, no.

00:29:21.000 I like girls.

00:29:24.000 Some believed it was just a fairy tale.

00:29:28.000 But they were wrong.

00:29:29.000 Candy ass.

00:29:34.000 What's so ooh about it?

00:29:36.000 You're next, Twinkletoes.

00:29:40.000 No one is safe.

00:29:42.000 Candy ass.

00:29:44.000 Ooh, this one's for you.

00:29:48.000 Oh.

00:29:49.000 I don't come for girls.

00:29:52.000 Only women are safe.

00:29:55.000 You don't have a brother, do you?

00:30:01.000 Candy ass.

00:30:04.000 Coming soon.

00:30:06.000 Unless you're female.

00:30:13.000 Absolute shocking garbage.

00:30:16.000 You could see the wrinkle of his fucking bathing cap.

00:30:23.000 Next email.

00:30:24.000 Ryan needs to work on his Brian Stelter.

00:30:29.000 And someone sent a picture of Island Boy calls Spectrum Customer Service.

00:30:37.000 Which for some reason Ryan's taking an hour to pull up.

00:30:42.000 I've already watched it and closed it.

00:30:45.000 Thank you for calling Spectrum Customer Service.

00:30:46.000 How can I help you?

00:30:51.000 I'm sorry, sir.

00:30:52.000 I cannot understand you.

00:30:53.000 Can you repeat that, please?

00:30:56.000 Is this a problem with your phone or internet?

00:31:01.000 I'm very sorry, sir.

00:31:02.000 I cannot understand a word.

00:31:06.000 Try unplugging the motor.

00:31:11.000 Sprinkles, they ask.

00:31:13.000 Personally, I say no.

00:31:14.000 No, no sprinkles.

00:31:16.000 Okay, folks, we're going behind the paywall now.

00:31:19.000 We are going to take calls and enjoy ourselves with our community who pays their bills.

00:31:26.000 Unlike you, who are watching the show for free.

00:31:32.000 I highly recommend you spend $10 a month watching Censored.tv.

00:31:37.000 It takes up more time than you have to dispose looking at this clown world.

00:31:44.000 And it's an angle on clown world that is funny and irreverent and where you feel.

00:31:54.000 It's basically you watching the news with yourself because that's how we feel about this shit.

00:31:59.000 We're normal human beings who think that we are living in a clown world and everything is upside down.

00:32:06.000 So when you watch us watch the news, you go, oh, good.

00:32:10.000 Thank God.

00:32:11.000 I'm not insane.

00:32:15.000 So yeah, we're going to take some calls and talk about what I just discussed.

00:32:20.000 But for you cheapskates who don't subscribe to censor.tv, you cannot indulge in these calls.

00:32:26.000 So get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never Stop fighting.

00:32:56.000 My wife was at a strip club once in the 90s, and David Lee Roth was next to her.

00:33:04.000 And she goes, Are you who I think you are?

00:33:08.000 And he goes, Yeah.

00:33:11.000 That's all.

00:33:13.000 He was in Sopranos.

00:33:15.000 David Lee Roth was?

00:33:16.000 Yeah.

00:33:17.000 Where?

00:33:18.000 In a feature's poker game.

00:33:21.000 As David Lee Roth?

00:33:23.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:33:23.000 Because he was talking about how he itemized condoms.

00:33:26.000 And I was like, oh, he's playing him.

00:33:29.000 Cameo.

00:33:31.000 Pull it up.

00:33:34.000 I might have to go to my HBO Max.

00:33:37.000 What?

00:33:38.000 It wouldn't be on YouTube?

00:33:39.000 Yeah.

00:33:42.000 All right, let's take a call and see how bad you are at taking calls.

00:33:49.000 I'm launching a projectile.

00:33:51.000 It's dangerous.

00:33:52.000 It can break things.

00:33:53.000 And...

00:33:56.000 That was actually pretty pleasant.

00:33:59.000 Pleasant.

00:33:59.000 It was a pleasant toss.

00:34:01.000 Pleasant toss.

00:34:03.000 Pleasant toss.

00:34:04.000 That sounds like a Northwegian cult.

00:34:09.000 You're now a part of Prince.

00:34:10.000 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Pleasant Toss.

00:34:12.000 Hey, Gav, any advice for the hipsters turned conservative types?

00:34:16.000 I used to dress like the armorer that was working on Rust.

00:34:19.000 Not a good look in the current political climate.

00:34:21.000 I've been wearing chimo hats in the interim.

00:34:24.000 This is a chick, I guess.

00:34:26.000 To signal that I voted for Trump.

00:34:28.000 Do I just need to give up the docks and cover my tattoos for the rest of my life?

00:34:34.000 Any advice?

00:34:34.000 I'm such a good chunk of your female viewership.

00:34:39.000 We're the same situation.

00:34:41.000 It's a difficult situation.

00:34:47.000 Yeah, that's kind of a tough call.

00:34:49.000 It's kind of out of my league.

00:34:52.000 I think that the thing about women is, if they're pretty and young and slim, it doesn't really matter what your politics are.

00:35:03.000 Like, you could be the head of the KKK and people would go, well, I'm trying to fix her.

00:35:09.000 She's pretty hot.

00:35:10.000 I got to work it out.

00:35:12.000 Yeah.

00:35:13.000 She's a hot moron.

00:35:16.000 So I would tell you, if you're fat, angel, to lose some weight.

00:35:22.000 But basically, I don't think it's a problem that your politics go against everyone in the world.

00:35:30.000 Because the beauty of being a female is, I don't know, we like you.

00:35:36.000 We're attracted to you.

00:35:38.000 You can literally get away with murder.

00:35:44.000 All right, let's take some calls.

00:35:48.000 This is him in Pranos.

00:35:49.000 After I pulled out that global position and shit.

00:35:51.000 After I pulled out, always got his eye on the big picture.

00:35:58.000 Up to you.

00:35:59.000 I think you got that ace, and I'm not paying you for it.

00:36:03.000 Ace is over.

00:36:05.000 Treat trade, my man.

00:36:06.000 Will you turn on your mic?

00:36:07.000 God, me?

00:36:08.000 Yep.

00:36:09.000 Fuck you.

00:36:10.000 Used to be a great tax loophole, those SUVs.

00:36:13.000 Told all my clients.

00:36:14.000 Write it off on your business.

00:36:16.000 Accountant dies, goes to heaven.

00:36:18.000 Same time as the Pope.

00:36:19.000 St. Peter says, come on in.

00:36:22.000 And he shows the Pope to this shithouse.

00:36:24.000 That's where he's going to live, and he gives him a crust of bread.

00:36:26.000 Then he shows the CPA where he's going to live.

00:36:29.000 It's a fucking mansion, servants, broads.

00:36:32.000 Pope says, he gets a mansion, then I get a hobble?

00:36:36.000 St. Peter says, Your holiness, we got hundreds of popes up here.

00:36:40.000 This is the first Jewish accountant.

00:36:50.000 What do you think of when you cross an accountant with a giant jet airplane?

00:36:54.000 A boring 747.

00:37:05.000 Uh-oh, they're overlaughing.

00:37:07.000 This is what Joe Mataris saw when he hosted that thing with Artie, Jim Norton, and Anthony Cumier.

00:37:16.000 Dude, this is what Joe Matarisse sees every time he opens his eyes.

00:37:23.000 He just sees the whole world enjoying themselves, and he's just like, I'm not doing so well, though.

00:37:27.000 Yeah, people laughing are being nice to me.

00:37:30.000 This is not good.

00:37:32.000 All right, let's take a call.

00:37:33.000 Let's take a call.

00:37:35.000 Jennifer.

00:37:38.000 Hey, guys, how are you?

00:37:39.000 Good.

00:37:40.000 How you doing?

00:37:40.000 Hey, Jen.

00:37:42.000 I'm doing good.

00:37:44.000 So I'm going to try really hard not to cry on this call.

00:37:47.000 You are.

00:37:48.000 Uh-oh.

00:37:49.000 I know.

00:37:50.000 So one of my closest friends lost her husband suddenly last week.

00:37:54.000 How?

00:37:56.000 Excuse me?

00:37:57.000 How do you die?

00:38:00.000 Well, it started with COVID and then it turned into pneumonia.

00:38:04.000 Okay.

00:38:05.000 Yeah.

00:38:07.000 So anyway, he was a veteran, and I just wanted to tell you a little bit about him because you would have loved him, Gavin.

00:38:13.000 He kind of reminds me of you, actually.

00:38:15.000 You were on the air.

00:38:18.000 So he served in Desert Storm as a Marine, and then when he came home, he went to the police academy and became a cop.

00:38:27.000 And after that, he served as a security contractor as an explosive detection canine handler, which basically means he trained bomb-sniffing dogs in Afghanistan.

00:38:41.000 Anyway, he left behind a wife and three kids and no life insurance.

00:38:47.000 Have no idea what they're going to do.

00:38:48.000 The funeral alone was about $20,000.

00:38:54.000 So I was wondering if it would be okay if I could tell you and your listeners about his GoFundMe Page in case anyone wanted to help out.

00:39:03.000 Sure.

00:39:05.000 It's certainly more noble than Ryan's Taco Fund.

00:39:07.000 I know that.

00:39:08.000 I agree.

00:39:11.000 Okay, so his name was James Tennessee Waltz, W-A-L-T-Z.

00:39:20.000 I'm really kicking myself that I never told him about the show because he would have loved you and you would have loved him.

00:39:28.000 But anyway, sorry to be a bummer, but I just really would appreciate it if people pull it up.

00:39:36.000 Let's pull up the GoFundMe.

00:39:40.000 Okay, it's James Tennessee Waltz.

00:39:45.000 You got that, Ryan?

00:39:46.000 Yeah, I'm searching for it.

00:39:48.000 And that's W-A-L-T-Z.

00:39:52.000 Yeah.

00:39:53.000 W-A-L?

00:39:55.000 Yeah.

00:39:58.000 Okay, let's check it out.

00:40:00.000 Here we are.

00:40:02.000 Could you try emailing that to me?

00:40:05.000 Tennessee, maybe I didn't spell Tennessee correctly.

00:40:08.000 T-E-N-N-E-S-S-E.

00:40:12.000 There's two E's at the end.

00:40:17.000 Tennessee?

00:40:20.000 Wow, you're really killing it.

00:40:20.000 You don't see it?

00:40:21.000 Killing the momentum of the show.

00:40:24.000 I'm sorry your friend died, but Jesus, we're really.

00:40:28.000 All right, so we'll pull that up later.

00:40:30.000 Thank you very much for calling, and we're sorry to hear about your pal.

00:40:34.000 All right.

00:40:35.000 Thank you.

00:40:35.000 Y'all have a good one.

00:40:36.000 Email to Ryan at censored.tv.

00:40:40.000 I'll also keep looking for it.

00:40:42.000 Let me see.

00:40:42.000 That could be a lie.

00:40:44.000 I don't think that was a lie.

00:40:45.000 I don't think it was either, but I guess it could be.

00:40:48.000 My new thing as a 51-year-old is I keep going back over everything anyone's ever told me, and I'm like, that could have been a lie.

00:40:57.000 Because I take everyone for granted.

00:41:00.000 I got it.

00:41:03.000 James Tennessee Waltz Memorial Fund.

00:41:06.000 $11,000.

00:41:08.000 That's good.

00:41:10.000 That's the guy.

00:41:14.000 All right, next call.

00:41:16.000 Kate, you're online.

00:41:20.000 I think you got to tell him.

00:41:22.000 Hello.

00:41:22.000 You're up, buddy.

00:41:24.000 Hey, is that me?

00:41:26.000 That's you.

00:41:29.000 Very good.

00:41:31.000 Gavin, I would like to thank you personally from the bottom of my heart, and Ryan, too.

00:41:39.000 You guys have made a great influence on myself, my friend circle, and my girlfriend.

00:41:46.000 Maybe my dog, too.

00:41:48.000 I know Gavin doesn't like dogs, but it's okay.

00:41:51.000 So your dog is...

00:41:52.000 But your dog has been influenced by the show.

00:41:57.000 Most likely.

00:41:58.000 He's in the room whenever we're listening, and, you know, you're on pretty much 24-7 at my house.

00:42:04.000 So, I guess.

00:42:05.000 Can you point him on the phone?

00:42:09.000 No, he's laying on the ground.

00:42:12.000 Pick him up.

00:42:14.000 Oh, he's a big boy.

00:42:15.000 He's a husky shepherd, and he loves your show.

00:42:19.000 Pick him up.

00:42:24.000 Or bring the phone down to him.

00:42:25.000 Oh, I'm holding him.

00:42:26.000 He's big.

00:42:26.000 He's a big boy.

00:42:27.000 I think that's a lie.

00:42:29.000 Yeah, you're lying.

00:42:30.000 You haven't picked him up, dude.

00:42:32.000 Okay, here.

00:42:33.000 Come on, Conan.

00:42:34.000 Come here, boy.

00:42:34.000 I'm going to pick you up.

00:42:35.000 Don't dox him.

00:42:36.000 Devin wants me to pick you up.

00:42:38.000 Yeah, don't dox him.

00:42:39.000 He's a dox.

00:42:40.000 He's on the bed.

00:42:42.000 No, he's a good boy.

00:42:43.000 Okay.

00:42:44.000 Okay, get your mic by his mouth and just make him say something.

00:42:49.000 Conan, speak.

00:42:51.000 Speak.

00:42:53.000 Speak.

00:42:54.000 We're not going anywhere until that dog speaks.

00:42:56.000 Okay, so you're clearly lying.

00:42:58.000 You have no dog in your house.

00:43:00.000 Oh, no, I do.

00:43:02.000 No, you don't.

00:43:04.000 We caught you lying.

00:43:07.000 That's pretty good.

00:43:08.000 There you go.

00:43:09.000 I ever saw you do, which was, do women view sex the same as men?

00:43:15.000 And it was in your vice era.

00:43:17.000 Yeah, are women as horny as men was the name of the sketch.

00:43:20.000 Are women as horny as men, yes.

00:43:22.000 And I showed it to countless friends who are left, both left and right, and it shocked people.

00:43:29.000 Minds, lives were changed.

00:43:31.000 I will forever love you for that video.

00:43:34.000 Thank you.

00:43:35.000 Thank you very much.

00:43:36.000 Now your dog's kind of.

00:43:37.000 But also, your music taste is shit upon by ours.

00:43:42.000 We only do one thing per caller, so I'm afraid I can't hear you.

00:43:47.000 Hang up on him, Brian.

00:43:49.000 Thanks for calling.

00:43:52.000 Yeah.

00:43:53.000 You only have one thing you can talk about, especially if the second thing is hurting my feelings.

00:43:59.000 It'll be erased.

00:44:01.000 But pull up a woman as horny as men.

00:44:03.000 That was a fantastic piece of...

00:44:07.000 That cost me.

00:44:08.000 People always say to me, why don't you do more sketches?

00:44:11.000 I go, because those things cost me like $17,000 per sketch.

00:44:17.000 It's like two days of shooting.

00:44:20.000 No, it's not worth it.

00:44:24.000 But I took a Cialis for this video.

00:44:31.000 Oh, she's hot.

00:44:34.000 I had a raging boner for most of the nude scenes.

00:44:38.000 What are you doing, Ryan?

00:44:40.000 That wasn't it.

00:44:41.000 That was an article about it.

00:44:43.000 Yeah, I know.

00:44:47.000 Why don't you find the video?

00:44:50.000 They wouldn't link it.

00:44:52.000 Well, they can't because I've been banned from everything.

00:44:56.000 There's somebody on the line in the meantime.

00:44:58.000 Robert Vagina?

00:44:59.000 I just barfed.

00:45:01.000 Yes, Robert Vagina.

00:45:03.000 I have a vagina, yes.

00:45:05.000 Boys, my boys, how are we this evening?

00:45:08.000 Oh, my boys, my boys.

00:45:11.000 We are the last vestige of beauty.

00:45:16.000 Oh, Chef.

00:45:17.000 So we got this election coming up.

00:45:19.000 Looking forward to putting in that vote for Junkin.

00:45:22.000 Crazy that it all came down to the CRT stuff.

00:45:26.000 Honestly, there's a lot more that we got going on.

00:45:29.000 Personally, I don't think we'll win, but hey, I mean, I think it's neck and neck at the moment.

00:45:37.000 But what do you think?

00:45:38.000 I think you sound like my brain.

00:45:40.000 Are you kidding me?

00:45:41.000 They said Junkin's in the lead now.

00:45:43.000 I mean, I agree with everything you just said.

00:45:45.000 I think that we are at a turning point in American culture.

00:45:49.000 We're in the midst of a national divorce.

00:45:53.000 This next election kind of defines the future forever.

00:45:57.000 We all want it to be DeSantis, but it might not be.

00:46:02.000 And, you know, you look at history and Trudeau was elected twice.

00:46:08.000 Fucking Newsom was elected twice.

00:46:11.000 I don't think it's out of the ordinary for Joe Biden to be elected twice, as crazy as that sounds.

00:46:19.000 Hey, I mean, I think Virginia is just that crack in the wall that if it just, if it breaks, they're going to shit.

00:46:27.000 They're trying to get this bill passed, and if they can't get that passed, and if they don't get Virginia, they'll shit.

00:46:33.000 And then that's the wall.

00:46:36.000 Yeah.

00:46:38.000 Virginia could define the future of America if we let it.

00:46:41.000 But we have to fight back.

00:46:43.000 And we have to say we're not allowing a second term of Biden because it's the end of America.

00:46:50.000 Biden is an anti-American.

00:46:52.000 He is the establishment.

00:46:54.000 He is the elite.

00:46:55.000 And the problem with the establishment and the elite is they hate this country.

00:47:00.000 It's let them eat cake.

00:47:02.000 They're monarchs.

00:47:03.000 They're the royalty.

00:47:05.000 And they want us to suffer under their fucking pen.

00:47:09.000 I don't even think they think that much about us.

00:47:12.000 They're just like, I'm the elite.

00:47:15.000 Fuck everyone else.

00:47:16.000 And that's the way it goes.

00:47:17.000 And that's decidedly un-American.

00:47:20.000 In fact, that's what America was founded on.

00:47:23.000 America was founded on telling the elites to fuck off.

00:47:27.000 But we're back to elite control, which is not a good sign.

00:47:32.000 Next call.

00:47:41.000 Are you kidding me?

00:47:41.000 Women are definitely as horny as men.

00:47:44.000 It is the same.

00:47:44.000 We are the same.

00:47:46.000 We're constantly horny.

00:47:47.000 No, you are horny for Imama Tom Gien, guys.

00:47:51.000 And you're horny that you want to be made love to on the beach.

00:47:54.000 We want to fuck everything that moves at all times.

00:47:57.000 So do we!

00:47:59.000 Oh my god!

00:47:59.000 Seriously, I watch the Super Bowl.

00:48:01.000 I object to fight guys all the time.

00:48:02.000 I watch the Super Bowl so I can get shot at the beach.

00:48:04.000 That is a lie.

00:48:05.000 And you said that to me before, and I realize now why it's a lie.

00:48:09.000 Women just like buns because it sounds empowering.

00:48:11.000 We like buns because we're gonna eat them.

00:48:13.000 Like, we're gonna do something with it.

00:48:15.000 I'm gonna do something with those buns, too.

00:48:16.000 Oh, my God.

00:48:17.000 I can't even imagine a world where women are as horny as men.

00:48:20.000 It's unfathomable.

00:48:21.000 It doesn't exist.

00:48:23.000 It's like opposite land.

00:48:24.000 No, you're full of shit.

00:48:25.000 That world is happening as we speak.

00:48:32.000 Great babe.

00:48:40.000 What are you doing?

00:48:41.000 What are you doing?

00:48:41.000 I'm sorry, baby.

00:48:42.000 I'm not sorry.

00:48:43.000 Oh, no, no, no.

00:48:46.000 Come here.

00:48:49.000 Come on.

00:48:49.000 Show me your titties.

00:48:50.000 Oh, my God.

00:48:52.000 Come on, squeeze your titties on me.

00:48:54.000 Is it the chicken in the bar?

00:48:56.000 No.

00:48:57.000 It's here, come on, show me your tongue.

00:49:44.000 You know what's interesting?

00:49:45.000 Stop, stop.

00:49:46.000 That beautiful buxom blonde in the shot there, she was dating the cameraman, and he proposed to her, and she was like, sorry, too soon.

00:49:59.000 And she moved on.

00:50:02.000 They're both single.

00:50:04.000 It didn't work out.

00:50:05.000 Like, I can't tell you how many fucking millennials have.

00:50:09.000 Like, that's one thing.

00:50:10.000 Women go, oh, we're stuck alone.

00:50:13.000 No guys hit on us.

00:50:14.000 No, guys propose to you and you say no.

00:50:18.000 This bitch said no.

00:50:23.000 Crushed him.

00:50:24.000 Crushed him.

00:50:28.000 Sorry, go back to my awesome joke.

00:50:33.000 Not her.

00:50:40.000 Not her.

00:50:44.000 Her.

00:50:54.000 That's the guy I'm talking about.

00:50:56.000 That's the director.

00:50:58.000 And the cameraman.

00:51:07.000 The worm.

00:51:13.000 We had to reshoot this scene like 10 times because the girls kept laughing.

00:51:23.000 In her thigh.

00:51:25.000 You love it.

00:51:30.000 See, you could see them cracking up in the corner.

00:51:47.000 Security.

00:51:48.000 That chick just licked my nipple.

00:51:51.000 Oh, that chick who's pulling that girl out of there?

00:51:54.000 Yeah.

00:51:55.000 She was my wife's bridesmaid.

00:51:58.000 My wife was her bridesmaid.

00:52:00.000 They grew up together, and she recently dumped my wife, who's a liberal, because she's married to a Trump supporter.

00:52:08.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, I've heard that.

00:52:10.000 What a fucking bitch.

00:52:11.000 Unbelievable.

00:52:12.000 Maria.

00:52:19.000 They only look at them on Monday, and so if I'm filling out these poems on Monday.

00:52:25.000 That was too advanced.

00:52:32.000 Was that a real trip club?

00:52:34.000 Yeah.

00:52:34.000 In Midtown.

00:52:36.000 Over by the horse stables.

00:52:38.000 Okay.

00:52:38.000 Like Jacob Javits.

00:52:39.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:52:43.000 Yeah.

00:52:44.000 I guess you're right.

00:52:45.000 Yeah, right?

00:52:46.000 Yeah.

00:52:46.000 Who's the chick at the bar?

00:52:47.000 Oh, she's awesome.

00:52:48.000 Megan Lynch, she's a fascinating human being.

00:52:51.000 She actually texted me after that video and she goes, you know what?

00:52:54.000 You're right.

00:52:55.000 Men are hornier than women.

00:52:57.000 And you know, her mother went through a horrible experience in the 70s and 80s as a gorgeous babe.

00:53:07.000 Because that was the advent of divorce.

00:53:10.000 And if you were super hot, like I don't think if, you know, you, me and Ryan had super hot wives, which we don't, just kidding, it would mean anything, right?

00:53:22.000 Because it would just be like, oh, that's the guy with the hot wife.

00:53:24.000 Maybe she's a model.

00:53:26.000 But back in the 70s and 80s, when swinging was a thing, if your wife was an insanely hot babe, she was essentially she could ruin the marriage.

00:53:40.000 So you didn't like her around.

00:53:42.000 So you frowned upon her.

00:53:46.000 So even though she wasn't into any fucking swinging shit, Megan's, what's her name?

00:53:51.000 Megan Nurenger.

00:53:52.000 Megan Nurenger's mother got all this shit and was ostracized by the local housewives.

00:53:59.000 Even though she never did anything but be gorgeous.

00:54:03.000 No one ever talks about that.

00:54:04.000 There should be a thing about that.

00:54:06.000 The like beautyism of the 70s and 80s.

00:54:10.000 And then she had a Megan had a twin brother who I think died in a fucking car wreck.

00:54:18.000 Oh, Jesus.

00:54:20.000 She's an identical twin and her identical twin...

00:54:23.000 No, her heterogeneous twin died in a car wreck.

00:54:26.000 Anyway, she's on the liberal side of all this shit.

00:54:29.000 And I've done nothing but kiss her ass and love her, but the lefts fucked her to death.

00:54:39.000 Speaking of which, we have Joe calling about Jim's goals.

00:54:42.000 Jim Goad's most recent hardball.

00:54:47.000 Hey, what's up, guys?

00:54:48.000 Hey, man.

00:54:49.000 What's going on?

00:54:50.000 I know you like busting balls.

00:54:54.000 If I could get an assist from Ryan, if you can get a still up of Jim Goad's most recent hardballs, take a look at the photo.

00:55:12.000 Well, you're also a fashion icon?

00:55:15.000 Take a look at his shirt.

00:55:19.000 Which guy?

00:55:21.000 Oh, you mean, okay.

00:55:22.000 Not the thumbnail.

00:55:23.000 You mean the extra show?

00:55:24.000 Okay, one second.

00:55:26.000 Yeah, we're not doing the thumbnail.

00:55:32.000 Whose shirt is that?

00:55:34.000 So we don't like Jim's shirt.

00:55:38.000 Start the show, and right from the start, just stop it anywhere.

00:55:44.000 Gotcha.

00:55:46.000 Yeah, we see it, the red shirt.

00:55:47.000 We see the red shirt, yeah.

00:55:48.000 One, two, three, four, five, six, seven buttons.

00:55:51.000 That is a lot of buttons.

00:55:52.000 That's a woman's shirt.

00:55:55.000 Yeah.

00:55:56.000 I don't know.

00:55:58.000 I think it's...

00:56:00.000 I don't agree with you.

00:56:01.000 I think that he's being adventurous with the polo, and I like to see it.

00:56:06.000 Polo should be experimented with, and he's doing a great job.

00:56:10.000 The buttons are on the wrong side.

00:56:12.000 There's a different thank you for calling, sir.

00:56:14.000 You're being censored.

00:56:17.000 See, we look out for our people, our family in this fam.

00:56:21.000 We censor people that criticize our staff.

00:56:26.000 And if they wear girl shirts, which they're not, which they're not, then we hang up on your ass.

00:56:31.000 Yeah.

00:56:33.000 Gavin's French Canadian accent.

00:56:38.000 That's a fun subject.

00:56:39.000 You're on the line.

00:56:42.000 Gabon, I like the way your air moves around in the hair, luck.

00:56:47.000 Is this Robbie Dillon?

00:56:51.000 No, Gavin, this is one of my favorite voices you do, and you never do it anymore.

00:56:56.000 I was wondering if you remember a story you told about one time you and your friend were fighting on the ice, I think, somewhere, and a French-Canadian cop came up to you, sir and said, I see you guys are doing some kind of engine rituals and let you fight it out, sir.

00:57:10.000 Do you remember what I'm talking about?

00:57:12.000 Yeah.

00:57:14.000 Simon Briscoe.

00:57:15.000 Can you add that story?

00:57:17.000 Who was it?

00:57:18.000 Simon from that band.

00:57:21.000 Isn't his name Simon Briscoe?

00:57:25.000 I have no idea, but I wish you would add that story to your greatest itch.

00:57:30.000 It's my favorite story.

00:57:31.000 You have not told it in like a year.

00:57:34.000 Okay, I'll tell it now.

00:57:37.000 Yes.

00:57:38.000 All right, here's the story.

00:57:42.000 So Feist Records started out in the early 90s with Feist magazine, and we signed a bunch of bands, but it didn't mean anything when we signed your band because we were just a place where we would print your cassettes and CDs.

00:57:58.000 That's what being signed independently means.

00:58:01.000 It means nothing.

00:58:02.000 It means you're in control.

00:58:04.000 You're essentially, it's like having your own YouTube channel.

00:58:08.000 It makes a lot more sense to young people now.

00:58:10.000 But back in the early aughts, they were like, this guy's getting rich off me.

00:58:15.000 No, no, no, no.

00:58:17.000 There's two options as a band.

00:58:19.000 You're either signed by Universal and there's a tour and you're opening for Nirvana and everyone's making a billion dollars, or I handle it and we go door to door and we sell like a thousand CDs and you get 600 of them.

00:58:38.000 You get it?

00:58:39.000 So Vice Records was that.

00:58:42.000 It was an independent record label.

00:58:44.000 No one was getting rich.

00:58:45.000 We were promoting it through the magazine.

00:58:49.000 Basically, that's all it was.

00:58:51.000 It was free ads in a magazine.

00:58:53.000 But at the end of the day, it was still like, we'll print a bunch of CDs and we'll send them to various towns you're touring in.

00:59:00.000 But yeah, no one's making money.

00:59:03.000 So as is the want of our generation, it got into everyone's heads that Vice was rich.

00:59:11.000 And we were getting rich off of these dumb bands, which is obviously false.

00:59:15.000 Like, you can just guess it's false.

00:59:18.000 And Simon someone and this other guy, Adam, that was in another band.

00:59:25.000 What the fuck was that band called?

00:59:27.000 Anyway, I was at the bar at the Biftech Saint-Laurent in Montreal.

00:59:32.000 And I could tell they were talking about me.

00:59:35.000 And they were saying Feiss made all this money off of us.

00:59:40.000 And we never got a penny and blah, blah, blah, which is just dumb.

00:59:45.000 So I look over at Simon and I'm like, what's going on now?

00:59:49.000 And I know he's drunk enough to do something.

00:59:53.000 He's a Canadian.

00:59:54.000 This is something Americans don't get.

00:59:56.000 Canadians fight all the time.

00:59:59.000 I think it's a hockey thing.

01:00:01.000 It could just be for, like your mother farted on a Thursday.

01:00:04.000 They're going to fight.

01:00:06.000 So I knew a fight was coming.

01:00:08.000 So he walks over and I'm like, what's going on now?

01:00:10.000 And he fucking whacks me in the side of the head so loud that it shakes my entire foundations.

01:00:20.000 I hear this like, whack.

01:00:22.000 Like it was a wake-up call.

01:00:26.000 I didn't know.

01:00:27.000 I thought he was going to punch me, but he whacked me.

01:00:29.000 And when he whacked me in the side of the head, it was the loudest thing I've ever heard.

01:00:34.000 I went backwards.

01:00:36.000 I got up and I said, I went to punch him back.

01:00:39.000 The owner of the bar, which was a Portuguese guy, Portuguese people, they're very special.

01:00:46.000 And he jumped over the bar of Salem Ron Biff Deck at me and like a little flying lizard, jumped, grabbed me, and gave me to the bouncers and they threw me out.

01:00:59.000 So the next night, I went back to fight Simon because I had been disgraced.

01:01:09.000 So I went there and I bumped into Shane Smith, who I've started Vice with.

01:01:14.000 And he's like, what are you doing?

01:01:15.000 And I go, I'm going to go fight Simon because he fucking disgraced me last night.

01:01:20.000 And Shane goes, well, let's have a nice dinner and make it a big event.

01:01:26.000 And I thought, that's kind of a cool concept.

01:01:29.000 So we went to L'Express on Saint-Denis and had a delicious meal.

01:01:34.000 I had the moule and we had some red wine.

01:01:38.000 And then we went over to there to go fight Simon.

01:01:42.000 So we go back there and I go to fight Simon and Shane pushes me aside.

01:01:50.000 He goes, I'm fighting him.

01:01:51.000 Okay.

01:01:52.000 And then Simon's like, wait a minute.

01:01:55.000 This is like two guys two-on-one.

01:01:57.000 And I go, Simon, it's not two-on-one.

01:01:59.000 It's one-on-one unless one of us starts losing and then we'll cheat and then it'll be a two-on-one.

01:02:07.000 So Shane is just sort of jouncing with him.

01:02:10.000 He's not really fighting him.

01:02:12.000 So I push Shane aside.

01:02:13.000 I go, I'm going to handle this.

01:02:14.000 So I start nailing Simon, punching him in the head, punching him in the body.

01:02:19.000 He gets on top of me and he bites through my ear.

01:02:24.000 And I feel nothing but heat as he bites my ear.

01:02:30.000 I wish we could look this guy up.

01:02:31.000 Simon, what the fuck was the band he was in?

01:02:36.000 Anyway, I feel nothing but heat.

01:02:39.000 I'm bleeding like crazy.

01:02:40.000 He bit through my ear.

01:02:42.000 And the police show up and they go, what's going on here?

01:02:47.000 And the female cop, the French cop, goes, in French, he said, what the fuck's happening?

01:02:53.000 And I said, do you want to know the truth?

01:02:55.000 And she goes, yeah.

01:02:56.000 And I go, okay, here's the truth.

01:02:58.000 This asshole thinks I made tons of money off him.

01:03:02.000 He slapped me in the face last week.

01:03:04.000 I came this week to fuck him up and he bit through my ear.

01:03:10.000 And she goes, I can't tell if you're kidding or not.

01:03:12.000 I go, that's the story.

01:03:14.000 So anyway, when that was done, Shane and I are alone and, you know, the cops have left.

01:03:20.000 And I go, I got to go to the hospital.

01:03:22.000 I mean, he bit through my ear.

01:03:23.000 I can feel it like stinging.

01:03:25.000 And he goes, dude, you can't go to the hospital.

01:03:29.000 He goes, if you go to the hospital, the story is Gavin McInnes got wrecked by Simon, ah, fuck, I want to say Powell.

01:03:41.000 And then he came back to Simon's bar and he ended up in the hospital.

01:03:47.000 It doesn't matter if you're lying in a hospital bed or not.

01:03:50.000 The fact that you were at a hospital means you ended up in the hospital.

01:03:55.000 And I was like, dude, you're right.

01:03:57.000 I can't fucking, I can't go to the hospital.

01:04:01.000 I'll be the guy in the hospital.

01:04:04.000 So I waited a day.

01:04:06.000 Meanwhile, my ear is rotting.

01:04:07.000 It's infected.

01:04:08.000 It's like gangrenous.

01:04:10.000 It's growing.

01:04:11.000 It's getting worse and worse.

01:04:12.000 It hurts like shit.

01:04:13.000 So then I go a year, a day later, I go to the same hospital.

01:04:19.000 It's Canada.

01:04:20.000 Everything's covered.

01:04:22.000 And I tell him what I just told you.

01:04:26.000 And he goes, are you kidding me?

01:04:28.000 And I go, no, that's the actual story.

01:04:30.000 And he goes, that's very romantic.

01:04:32.000 I don't usually get such romantic stories.

01:04:35.000 And then I go, where are you from?

01:04:37.000 And he's like, I'm from Argentina.

01:04:38.000 And he's like, you know, older than me, like 70 when I'm 50.

01:04:44.000 And I go, wait a minute, that's Che Guevara's age.

01:04:47.000 And then, and this, by the way, this could all be bullshit.

01:04:51.000 I'm open to bullshit.

01:04:54.000 But I said, I'm reading this book on Shea Guevara about the 70s And the revolution in Cuba, and you're that age, and you're a doctor, and you're Argentinian.

01:05:07.000 He goes, Yes, I knew him well.

01:05:11.000 He said that Shea Guevara, or more importantly, Fidel Castro, was this weird bumbling buffoon where they were, I guess they were in like Florida at the time?

01:05:24.000 I don't know.

01:05:25.000 And Fidel got this boat, this big boat, called the Big Mama or something.

01:05:33.000 And he decided he was going to take it to Cuba and start a revolution.

01:05:36.000 And they all mocked him.

01:05:38.000 And then he took it over the water.

01:05:40.000 He did it.

01:05:41.000 He did start a revolution.

01:05:44.000 He did take over Cuba.

01:05:46.000 He did become the president of Cuba.

01:05:48.000 And being good at it, if you will.

01:05:51.000 And then he invited them over for these big dinners where he would gloat, which you're allowed to do when you take over a country.

01:05:58.000 And he also said Shay Guevara would come to various hospitals.

01:06:03.000 I don't know if they were in Cuba or where they were, but he would have these strange diagnoses.

01:06:09.000 And you were told as a doctor to ignore what Shay said because Shay's a retard.

01:06:16.000 And if he said, like, this person needs a NAS transplant, you go, okay, great advice.

01:06:20.000 Yeah, we'll get to that soon, probably like next week, and like shuffle the person along and not do anything about it.

01:06:30.000 But yeah, that's my story of fighting Simon Simone in Montreal.

01:06:42.000 Jervis, pull up Simon's last name.

01:06:46.000 I'll wait.

01:06:49.000 I gotta say, this took longer than when Thor had to beat Loki at the top of the Avengers building.

01:06:54.000 I'm Robert Downey Miller.

01:07:00.000 Okay, last call.

01:07:02.000 I'll find Simon.

01:07:03.000 I'll bring him up tomorrow.

01:07:07.000 We have.

01:07:08.000 Like, I stood on the line the whole time.

01:07:12.000 Vincent.

01:07:17.000 Hello.

01:07:18.000 Hello.

01:07:20.000 Hi, Gavin.

01:07:22.000 Yep.

01:07:23.000 Hi.

01:07:25.000 I'm calling from Canada.

01:07:28.000 I just wanted to tell you about a little thing that's happening here that I'm a part of and want to thank you for helping me sort of get through it.

01:07:39.000 Okay.

01:07:39.000 What's the thing?

01:07:41.000 Yeah.

01:07:42.000 So I'm an employee for Toronto Transit, and I'm a mechanic here.

01:07:49.000 I'm refusing to go along with the vaccine mandate.

01:07:54.000 And so as of November 20th, I'll be put on unpaid leave.

01:07:58.000 And then December 31st, me and a number of other people that I know will be terminated with cause.

01:08:05.000 That's insane.

01:08:07.000 Oh, yeah.

01:08:09.000 It's insane overreach.

01:08:11.000 And seeing everyone else, like doctors, nurses, people of high moral standing and people who are smart, like there's those people at Los Alamos nuclear weapons place,

01:08:28.000 the scientists there, they're leaving.

01:08:30.000 And it's like, okay, you know, they seem like smart people.

01:08:35.000 So, yeah, that's what's going on here.

01:08:39.000 That's what I'm a part of.

01:08:40.000 And listening to the show has been has helped.

01:08:46.000 So how many people are going to be losing their jobs?

01:08:51.000 In transit, in the Toronto Transit system, so we're 11,000 members total.

01:08:58.000 And they were saying internally 40% or so hadn't submitted their vaccination status.

01:09:08.000 So whether that holds or whether more people cave, I'm not too sure.

01:09:14.000 Wow.

01:09:15.000 So we're talking about 4,000 jobs, basically.

01:09:19.000 Pretty well.

01:09:20.000 You have friends that you work with.

01:09:22.000 What are they saying?

01:09:25.000 Well, we've been on the same page pretty well for quite a while now that this is all crazy and that the information that's being put out is really misleading.

01:09:37.000 And then the mandates are coming along and you realize after a certain point that it's no longer about health, it's about control.

01:09:46.000 And so we all kind of looked at each other and thought, oh, fuck, we're losing our jobs.

01:09:53.000 It's a lot better kind of for us because we're mechanics.

01:09:57.000 We have a license we can kind of pick up and get going anywhere.

01:10:01.000 There are some people here, though, that are like, they're janitors, they're like lower level people, and they're still like standing up to this thing.

01:10:09.000 So that kind of, I don't know, that makes me want to want to fight harder because it's like this person has, you know, nothing to fall back on, and they're still standing up to this.

01:10:22.000 Yeah, that's crazy.

01:10:24.000 So the average person you speak to says, I'm adamantly against this, but it's happening to us all anyway.

01:10:35.000 Like, there's some people that go, maybe I should get it.

01:10:40.000 There definitely goes.

01:10:42.000 And like, you know, there are people on my shift that have gotten it.

01:10:48.000 You know, they're like, oh, you know, there's no sense fighting it or anything like that.

01:10:51.000 And like, I get it.

01:10:53.000 You know, some people, they're much older.

01:10:56.000 They have a lot of time here.

01:10:58.000 Like, they're not really going to jeopardize that for, you know, for the vaccine.

01:11:05.000 I don't think they realize, you know, where this is heading and that this is never going to end.

01:11:09.000 You know, you're going to need infinite boosters forever and ever in order to ensure the safety of everybody else.

01:11:14.000 You know, if you don't get it, you're a filthy unvaccinated just like us.

01:11:20.000 Yeah.

01:11:22.000 Yeah, it's weird because everyone who supports it, and by the way, I'm not that adamantly against it.

01:11:29.000 My Wife got it, my kids got it.

01:11:32.000 It's not a big deal to me, actually.

01:11:34.000 I don't think it makes you infertile.

01:11:36.000 I just don't like someone telling me what to do.

01:11:40.000 And I think that a lot of these people in the South, especially, are getting confronted with these, you know, demands where they go, No, I'm not doing that.

01:11:51.000 That's what the Civil War was based on, by the way.

01:11:54.000 It was not based on slavery.

01:11:56.000 It was based on the South going, yeah, no, I'm not, you're not telling me what to do.

01:12:02.000 They didn't know what the detail could have been like, everyone has to wear top hats.

01:12:06.000 And they would have been equally angry about it.

01:12:11.000 Anyway, thanks for calling, buddy.

01:12:13.000 We gotta go.

01:12:14.000 It's fucking 10.15.

01:12:18.000 We'll see you tomorrow.

01:12:19.000 I like you more than a friend.

01:12:21.000 Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.

01:12:27.000 You better find yourself a friend.

01:12:30.000 My friend.

01:12:41.000 Just like I've told you before.

01:12:43.000 Before, a people, a people, people.

01:12:59.000 Keep talking about it and love.

01:13:02.000 Babies are right into the core.

01:13:05.000 Keep talking about it now.

01:13:09.000 Just like I told you before.

01:13:13.000 Hey, just kidding.

01:13:14.000 We're trying to get rid of all the gullible idiots that subscribe.

01:13:18.000 We know that it's not supposed to end this early.

01:13:23.000 It would be an hour early if we had ended.

01:13:26.000 That was funny.

01:13:27.000 A funny trick.

01:13:30.000 Do we take more calls?

01:13:34.000 No, let's just stop the show.

01:13:36.000 Okay, so we're back to okay.

01:13:41.000 Gotcha, gotcha, baby, dada.

01:13:44.000 Keep talking about love.

01:13:47.000 The love is running to the core.

01:13:51.000 Keep talking about love.

01:13:54.000 Just like I know you before, before, before keep talking about love to wanna talk about love.

01:14:05.000 We can talk about love.

01:14:08.000 Before the talk about love, people.

01:14:18.000 The bird which is the bald eagle.

01:14:27.000 The bird which is the bald eagle.

01:14:32.000 Huh?

01:14:34.000 How what?

01:14:37.000 What the hell are you saying?

01:15:00.000 Over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - October 29, 2021

GOML LIVE #121

Episode Stats

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