Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - GOML LIVE #124

00:00:13.000 Oh, live from New York.

00:00:16.000 It's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McGinnis.

00:00:23.000 His wonder's already passed, so he's shooting at the bus.

00:00:28.000 Keeping guns in his locker and he detenized like it's actually important.

00:00:36.000 But he likes a shorted watch him showing up where I'm back and he must be on the back of the bow.

00:01:01.000 That sounds good.

00:01:04.000 Who's that again?

00:01:05.000 Ethan Klein?

00:01:08.000 Ethan Ethel Kane.

00:01:10.000 Ethel Kane.

00:01:12.000 Floridian living in Alabama now.

00:01:14.000 It's got kind of an early aughts Canadian kind of vibe.

00:01:17.000 Welcome back to Get Off My Lawn Live.

00:01:20.000 Welcome, Maddie Odell.

00:01:22.000 What's up, everybody?

00:01:23.000 Good to see you.

00:01:24.000 Perched on his stool like a Glaswegian gangster.

00:01:29.000 You look like you're in a documentary about the crimes in Glasgow.

00:01:33.000 Oh, shit, I got the wrong glasses on.

00:01:37.000 Also, welcome, Ryan Katsu Rivera.

00:01:40.000 That's me.

00:01:42.000 An inimitable.

00:01:44.000 I'm wearing an homage, and you guys didn't get it left.

00:01:48.000 Let me go get my glasses.

00:01:49.000 Focus on you exclusively.

00:01:50.000 I quizzed you, and nobody got it.

00:01:53.000 I was holding a thing, and I was walking like this.

00:01:58.000 I already forgot it.

00:02:00.000 And I played the theme song to the shining, and they still didn't get it.

00:02:04.000 But this is my Jack Torrance outfit.

00:02:06.000 What do you think, Batty?

00:02:08.000 It was tough to, definitely tough to guess.

00:02:11.000 I know.

00:02:12.000 Especially with the object you had as your axe.

00:02:15.000 That's true.

00:02:16.000 And I didn't inform you it was an axe.

00:02:17.000 Well, especially with your weird Asian plate face and your strange Congolese nose, we're supposed to get Jack Nicholson out of that.

00:02:26.000 You know, Lloyd.

00:02:29.000 Sorry.

00:02:30.000 Sorry if we're not reminded of Jack Nicholson when we look at Mr. Miyagi face down on a plate of glass.

00:02:39.000 No.

00:02:42.000 New sponsor alert.

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00:03:24.000 What is the exact URL there, Ryan?

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00:03:54.000 Thank you, Flagshirt.

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00:03:56.000 Thank you, everyone at Flagshirt, for your service to this beautiful country.

00:04:00.000 And God bless America.

00:04:06.000 Well done.

00:04:08.000 What do you make of that?

00:04:10.000 Outstanding.

00:04:11.000 You know what?

00:04:12.000 I'm getting so ripped now that I'm getting these things.

00:04:16.000 What are these called?

00:04:17.000 Obliques.

00:04:18.000 Ribs.

00:04:21.000 I'm getting obliques.

00:04:22.000 Your obliques are like on the sides above your waist.

00:04:25.000 You were oblate in that.

00:04:26.000 No, I'm not getting those.

00:04:28.000 I'm talking like below the nipple.

00:04:31.000 These.

00:04:32.000 These aren't obliques.

00:04:33.000 My wife points out today.

00:04:35.000 Well, the sides would be your lats.

00:04:36.000 Right.

00:04:37.000 These lats I'm getting?

00:04:38.000 Up here.

00:04:39.000 Let me see.

00:04:39.000 Well, lats are.

00:04:41.000 I've been drinking beer all day.

00:04:44.000 Yeah, I'm getting lats.

00:04:46.000 Wait a minute.

00:04:47.000 I showed you where you said the wrong area.

00:04:50.000 Then you stood up and showed the same part on your body.

00:04:53.000 The obliques or wrong waists are.

00:04:54.000 The obliques are above your waistline.

00:04:56.000 That must be.

00:04:57.000 Obliques.

00:04:58.000 See?

00:04:59.000 Oh.

00:04:59.000 Those are our obliques.

00:05:00.000 And lats are both right and wrong.

00:05:02.000 Lats are right here.

00:05:03.000 That's what I was pointing to.

00:05:04.000 Yeah.

00:05:05.000 Okay, I'm getting lats.

00:05:07.000 Okay, you pointed out obliques, though.

00:05:12.000 No, you did, though.

00:05:13.000 Human anatomy.

00:05:14.000 My wife points out today that my shirt no longer fits.

00:05:19.000 Like this.

00:05:21.000 Look at this button.

00:05:22.000 My pecs are so gigantic.

00:05:24.000 You shrunk it in the wash.

00:05:28.000 What's with your weird coat?

00:05:30.000 Is it an inside-out jean jacket?

00:05:32.000 It's a reversible Levi's number with a corduroy maroon on the outside and denim on the inside.

00:05:39.000 Yeah, it's not reversible, dude.

00:05:41.000 It is.

00:05:41.000 No, just because it says it's reversible doesn't mean it's reversible.

00:05:45.000 It looks like an inside-out jacket.

00:05:48.000 But it's got the pockets.

00:05:49.000 Yeah, I know.

00:05:51.000 They're wrong.

00:05:54.000 Fashion faux pas.

00:05:55.000 You think they swindled me?

00:05:56.000 No, I think they made an error.

00:05:58.000 It's not an inside-out jacket.

00:06:01.000 It's an inside-out jacket.

00:06:03.000 Is it time yet to what they would call start the show?

00:06:12.000 Because if so, I have a debut.

00:06:15.000 What do you think, Maddie?

00:06:16.000 Should we start the show?

00:06:17.000 Sure.

00:06:18.000 Okay, actually, I want to talk to Maddie about something publicly.

00:06:21.000 Publicly.

00:06:22.000 Before we start the show.

00:06:23.000 Sure.

00:06:25.000 You've had two temper tantrums recently, and I'm concerned about you.

00:06:30.000 Concerned.

00:06:31.000 This is an intervention.

00:06:32.000 I'm not so much concerned about you going back to jail.

00:06:35.000 I'm concerned about you having a heart attack if you get in a fight.

00:06:39.000 Now he's going to get into a fight because you have a shitty heart.

00:06:41.000 Well, we'd have to cross that bridge one.

00:06:43.000 Now you should get into a fight if someone slaps an old lady in front of you, but your past two baby monster episodes have not been worth dying for.

00:06:55.000 One, Joe Tanelli, said he lowered his voice, I guess.

00:07:03.000 What exactly?

00:07:04.000 He put some bass in his voice.

00:07:05.000 Put some bass in his voice.

00:07:07.000 Well, you know, he was trying to, I guess, puff out and do a little peacock.

00:07:13.000 But what exactly did he say verbatim?

00:07:17.000 A couple people were breaking his balls, and he said something.

00:07:21.000 He's like, all right, that's fuck enough, guys.

00:07:23.000 You know, I'm not going to fucking deal with this bullshit.

00:07:25.000 So I said, ooh, look at you putting a bass in your voice.

00:07:28.000 And then he's like, yeah, that's fucking right.

00:07:29.000 I said, well, let me tell you something, Joe.

00:07:30.000 So it was the, yeah, it's fucking right.

00:07:32.000 If you ever fucking speak to me that way again, I'm going to knock the rest of your fucking teeth out.

00:07:37.000 And then, you know, I said, I don't know who you think you are.

00:07:41.000 You're not that guy.

00:07:43.000 And, you know, don't give people the ammunition to break your fucking balls if you can't take it.

00:07:48.000 Can I have the firearm, please?

00:07:53.000 But you went outside and you were going like this up next to the highway, ready to fight.

00:07:58.000 Yeah, he caught a nerve.

00:08:00.000 I had a vein was going to burst in my head.

00:08:02.000 Okay, Ryan, see if you can find Coco the gorilla doing sign language.

00:08:06.000 Okay.

00:08:06.000 My angle on this is, and I'm not right or wrong, this is just my opinion, that you'd be right if it was anyone else at the bar, like me or James or anyone who disrespected you or whatever.

00:08:20.000 Joe is a monkey.

00:08:23.000 He's a gorilla.

00:08:24.000 He's not a human.

00:08:26.000 So it was a dog that was growling at you.

00:08:29.000 There's Coco looking at a viewfinder.

00:08:33.000 That's who is talking shit.

00:08:35.000 It's precedent.

00:08:38.000 Some old habits die hard.

00:08:40.000 Like, I just can't, I can't tolerate it.

00:08:42.000 I understand.

00:08:43.000 And if it was Jose and he said, fuck you, bitch, what you're going to do, you'd be totally justified.

00:08:49.000 And if he died of a heart attack or went to jail for that fight, people go, well, he shouldn't have done that to Maddie.

00:08:55.000 But I'm trying to put Joe in another category.

00:08:59.000 He's coke.

00:09:00.000 Yeah, but it still doesn't excuse it.

00:09:02.000 Yes, it does.

00:09:03.000 No, because somebody else could have been sitting in the bar and seen Joe address me that way, and then they feel that they can address me that way, and then they get knocked out.

00:09:13.000 That's a strong point.

00:09:15.000 It's like in gangs in New York, where they're like, if somebody does something to me, I cut their hand off.

00:09:20.000 And if not, then I cut their...

00:09:21.000 You know, I don't talk disparagingly or down to or try to embarrass anybody that I consider a friend.

00:09:29.000 So if I don't let my friends address me that way, I'm not going to let people I don't know address me that way.

00:09:34.000 And that's the basic rule of that.

00:09:38.000 Okay, touche.

00:09:39.000 All right, you may win this round.

00:09:41.000 Case number two.

00:09:43.000 We're at the bar and football, college football, and one of the teams is wearing camo.

00:09:50.000 And one of the guys goes, seems kind of weird that the team's wearing camo, which is obviously for the troops, yet they were taking a knee.

00:10:00.000 And then someone else goes, are they still doing that shit with the taking?

00:10:02.000 No, I said that.

00:10:03.000 I said, are they really still taking a knee at the national anthem?

00:10:07.000 Right.

00:10:07.000 And then someone else goes, no, they didn't take a knee, but they did do the black national anthem.

00:10:11.000 And then you said, what the fuck is that?

00:10:14.000 I never heard of that.

00:10:15.000 And then L.A., the 74-year-old black man, goes, that's because you don't know your history.

00:10:20.000 And then he got all pissed off.

00:10:22.000 He threw his money in the bar and walked out.

00:10:24.000 Who the fuck?

00:10:26.000 Right.

00:10:27.000 And then you got super mad about that.

00:10:29.000 And you were like, if anyone has a problem with there being one national anthem, I want to know right now.

00:10:33.000 I'll fucking take you outside.

00:10:34.000 Anyone.

00:10:37.000 Now that was a waste of a baby monster, I believe.

00:10:41.000 I mean, you know, I'm not going to do anything to a 74-year-old man.

00:10:45.000 No, no, he was long gone.

00:10:47.000 Right.

00:10:47.000 So you weren't threatening him.

00:10:48.000 And as you pointed out, he's got a point.

00:10:51.000 Not with the black national anthem.

00:10:53.000 That's horseshit, obviously.

00:10:54.000 But if you're 74 and black, you can complain because you had 24 years of racism to go through.

00:11:00.000 Quarter century.

00:11:01.000 Absolutely.

00:11:02.000 So that's fine.

00:11:03.000 We'll listen to you.

00:11:04.000 You're not a fucking rich Peruvian who just arrived here.

00:11:10.000 But the fact that you got so mad about that, it concerned me.

00:11:13.000 Well, I'm just getting tired of the whole woke and all the fucking bullshit.

00:11:20.000 I know, but you've got a shitheart.

00:11:22.000 You've got a criminal record as long as the days are long.

00:11:26.000 You don't want to be losing your temper on bullshit, or it's going to be either death or prisoned.

00:11:31.000 Well, let me tell you something.

00:11:32.000 At a fucking NFL game, if they're playing the black national anthem, it's fucking bullshit.

00:11:37.000 It's got nothing to do with fucking race.

00:11:39.000 There's not two fucking countries.

00:11:41.000 Correct.

00:11:42.000 There's one country.

00:11:43.000 There's one fucking national anthem.

00:11:44.000 There's one flag.

00:11:46.000 And if anyone who doesn't fucking like it, I got a problem with that.

00:11:49.000 Now you're getting yourself mad at me.

00:11:50.000 Yeah, I'm getting worked at because y'all are a passionate man.

00:11:54.000 Like, I don't give a fuck.

00:11:55.000 Anyone wants to fucking test me or think I'm not what I am?

00:11:59.000 Try me.

00:12:01.000 Okay.

00:12:01.000 Agreed.

00:12:03.000 But no one was trying you with the black national anthem.

00:12:06.000 See what he did?

00:12:08.000 I wasn't mad.

00:12:09.000 You know, I wasn't.

00:12:10.000 Dude, you were fuming.

00:12:11.000 What just fell?

00:12:11.000 Yeah.

00:12:12.000 It's me kicking my waste paper basket.

00:12:16.000 Accidentally.

00:12:17.000 Yeah.

00:12:17.000 You know.

00:12:18.000 So all I'm saying is, Maddie, if you're going to lose your cool and risk death with your shitty heart or prison, make it either someone more worthy than Coco the Gorilla or someone who actually has a problem.

00:12:33.000 LA was not arguing on behalf.

00:12:35.000 He left.

00:12:35.000 Right.

00:12:36.000 So you were yelling at a bar of people who didn't even know what the black national anthem was.

00:12:42.000 Yeah, I never heard of it.

00:12:44.000 I'll tell you what it is.

00:12:46.000 It was a tribute to Abe Lincoln that some black composer did.

00:12:50.000 It was not racial at all, very religious.

00:12:52.000 And then in the early 1900s, I think 1920 or something, the NAACP said, that's the black national anthem.

00:12:59.000 And everyone went, whatever, I don't know what that means.

00:13:02.000 And then in the past like two years, or maybe a year, everyone went, that is the black national anthem, and we're playing it all the fucking time.

00:13:11.000 So it's been like brought back from the dead.

00:13:14.000 It's a random, irrelevant thing.

00:13:16.000 Well, I'll be dipped in shit.

00:13:20.000 Which brings us to Tactical Walls.

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00:13:25.000 Right now, my listeners get 20% off all orders when you go to tacticalwalls.com.

00:13:30.000 Just use the promo code Gavin.

00:13:32.000 Make Christmas memorable for your loved ones with Tactical Walls.

00:13:35.000 We here at Get Off My Lawn in the South Bronx or in New York City, technically.

00:13:42.000 We are part of the boroughs, the five boroughs, and we're profoundly jealous of you non-New York City people who can have a wall to display your fucking guns.

00:13:52.000 You lucky bastards.

00:13:54.000 If you do have a bunch of guns and you live in a non-New York City place, then we highly recommend you use Tactical Walls to display them.

00:14:03.000 It's both aesthetically pleasing and a handy way to grab them if there's ever any trouble.

00:14:10.000 So use promo code Gavin.

00:14:12.000 Go to tacticalwalls.com.

00:14:15.000 Thanks, Tactical Tim, for your service to this beautiful country.

00:14:17.000 Once again, vet-owned, American-made sponsor here on the site.

00:14:23.000 We didn't make that a prerequisite.

00:14:25.000 I think the reason that so many of our sponsors are vets is because they get harassed by Antifa and it takes people with balls to say, yeah, fuck you.

00:14:35.000 I don't, no, no.

00:14:37.000 You're not harassing me out of my sponsorship like Media Matters and Nandini Jamini, who tortures people that support anyone remotely right of fucking Mao, like Breitbart.com.

00:14:51.000 God bless you and your family, Tactical Tim.

00:14:53.000 Everyone in Tactical Wallace, thanks for sticking with us.

00:14:55.000 We love you guys, and thank you for supporting censored.tv.

00:15:01.000 There's a couple news items we should graze over before tomorrow because there'll be ancient news in the next 15 hours.

00:15:10.000 And that is footage of a poltergeist has finally been unearthed.

00:15:17.000 We've heard of poltergeist.

00:15:19.000 We've seen them in horror movies.

00:15:20.000 A poltergeist, for those of you who don't know, is a wildly violent ghost that hurls people around.

00:15:28.000 There's been a special camera invented.

00:15:31.000 It's sort of an infrared camera, and it can find things that you can't see with the naked eye.

00:15:38.000 And apparently, poltergeists are black.

00:15:41.000 I was just as shocked as you.

00:15:42.000 I assumed it was like an Ebenezer Scrooge type of guy, right?

00:15:46.000 When you think of ghosts, you think of like 200 years ago.

00:15:50.000 There wasn't a ton of blacks around back then, but it's actually a black dude.

00:15:54.000 Ryan, can you dig up what I'm talking about?

00:15:58.000 Maybe you don't know.

00:15:59.000 Poltergeist.

00:15:59.000 NFL running back caught beating the shit out of his girlfriend.

00:16:04.000 It's the number one story on Daily Mail right now.

00:16:08.000 Every time you watch like a Cheerios ad or a car commercial, it's a multiracial couple getting along smashingly.

00:16:17.000 It's usually a white male and a black female, and they have an ethnically ambiguous kid who's adorable.

00:16:25.000 This is all true in this case, but it's a white woman and a ghost and a beautiful five-month-old mulatto.

00:16:33.000 Oh my God.

00:16:34.000 Have you not seen Shizz?

00:16:36.000 I have.

00:16:36.000 I think Shiz is down again.

00:16:38.000 Go to Daily Mail, dude.

00:16:40.000 It's everywhere.

00:16:41.000 Well, I didn't include it because I don't like to do links on Thursday nights, but you got to see this.

00:16:48.000 It's really fucking giving her.

00:16:51.000 Just put an NFL on Daily Mail.

00:16:57.000 I was watching the Twitter responses to this video, and I knew there'd be people defending him because of black ghost privilege.

00:17:06.000 And this guy's saying, like, look, she was recording, so she knew shit was going to go down, so she was probably running her mouth trying to make him mad.

00:17:16.000 Okay.

00:17:18.000 My wife can make me mad all day.

00:17:20.000 I'm not poltergeisting her.

00:17:30.000 Listen.

00:17:32.000 You think that was okay?

00:17:35.000 Now I do not.

00:17:36.000 What does he grab here?

00:17:42.000 You thought that was okay?

00:17:44.000 His own scene.

00:17:48.000 Okay, pause.

00:17:51.000 I think, actually, I'm stealing this from Maddie because we watched this before the show.

00:17:55.000 I think she went through his phone and caught him cheating, and he's mad at her for being nosy.

00:18:01.000 And he goes, you call me destructive?

00:18:04.000 Like, you're ruining our relationship by finding out that I'm fucking chicks.

00:18:10.000 What is that that he grabs?

00:18:11.000 Candy or something?

00:18:14.000 Looks like ice cubes, maybe.

00:18:15.000 Did she have a drink in her hand?

00:18:18.000 Oh.

00:18:18.000 Because he like throws it at her head right here.

00:18:21.000 You thought that was okay?

00:18:22.000 And they're going to ruin relationships and talking about I'm destructive?

00:18:25.000 Listen.

00:18:27.000 Yeah, you're right.

00:18:28.000 It's ice.

00:18:38.000 Geez.

00:18:38.000 This is WWE levels.

00:18:40.000 Oh, it's not done yet.

00:18:42.000 Picks her up and slams it through like the bouncy chair.

00:18:44.000 Right.

00:18:45.000 Well, those bouncy chairs have a lot of shocks, dude.

00:18:48.000 Probably broke or fall.

00:18:50.000 Yeah.

00:18:54.000 Oh, there's the bouncy chair.

00:18:55.000 She looks like shit.

00:19:00.000 Can't put on makeup?

00:19:01.000 I wonder what she looked like before, they dated.

00:19:05.000 I thought it would be funny to take his side on this, but I'm not enjoying it as a bit.

00:19:09.000 It's not a great idea.

00:19:10.000 It's not amusing to me.

00:19:13.000 By the way, this is another thing that someone pointed out when we showed this video.

00:19:18.000 Your apartment looks like shit.

00:19:22.000 He's in the NFL.

00:19:23.000 He's a Jet player, and I think they're in Miami to play the Dolphins.

00:19:29.000 I don't know where that is.

00:19:29.000 Well, I think He's a former running back.

00:19:32.000 That might be a little side piece that he's had that he's paying for the apartment and everything.

00:19:36.000 It's not his main residence.

00:19:37.000 Okay.

00:19:38.000 Well, if you're a multi-millionaire, then even your side piece's apartment should be pretty dope.

00:19:45.000 It shouldn't have a shower curtain dividing the bedroom from the rest of the place.

00:19:51.000 It's very Asian take on living space.

00:19:56.000 Wait a minute.

00:19:57.000 You're talking about me or the shower curtain idea?

00:19:59.000 The shower curtain.

00:20:00.000 Yeah, you're right.

00:20:02.000 That's a weird thing to do.

00:20:04.000 Room separating.

00:20:05.000 It's, yeah, it's just give up.

00:20:08.000 You either build a wall or you don't.

00:20:10.000 When he gets really mad, she closes the curtain.

00:20:12.000 He's like, where'd you go?

00:20:14.000 This place is small.

00:20:15.000 Is that so the five-month-old doesn't see you guys fucking?

00:20:17.000 Is that what's going on with that?

00:20:19.000 I think when he walks out, he goes, I love you to the baby.

00:20:23.000 Yeah, something like that.

00:20:23.000 It sounded like he said, I love you, Boo, or whatever the kid's name is.

00:20:26.000 Where the baby's like, okay, it just seemed kind of intense.

00:20:30.000 With the baby.

00:20:30.000 It's crying in the WWE shit.

00:20:33.000 The baby didn't even start crying until he left.

00:20:35.000 Like, it wasn't able to process what was happening.

00:20:38.000 Yeah, it's five months old.

00:20:41.000 It knows nothing.

00:20:44.000 What, is that him?

00:20:45.000 What are you showing me now?

00:20:46.000 Mob and Chez is back.

00:20:47.000 Oh, these are the two.

00:20:49.000 It wasn't gone.

00:20:50.000 It's just their show.

00:20:51.000 Okay, let's see some of the comments because Mob and Shiz tends to be a little pro-black.

00:20:57.000 He is...

00:20:58.000 What is that?

00:20:59.000 A cat?

00:21:01.000 I can't figure that out.

00:21:02.000 He's dog.

00:21:03.000 He's a dog.

00:21:07.000 What are some of these comments, Ryan?

00:21:09.000 I've got the camera in the way.

00:21:10.000 Get off my page.

00:21:11.000 If the races were referred to, imagine if the racers were reversed, get off my page, he says.

00:21:15.000 Oh, that's people talking about me.

00:21:17.000 We couldn't see it.

00:21:18.000 Shut the F up.

00:21:19.000 Something wrong with Zap.

00:21:21.000 He probably whacks up with a Peter Bread in the supermarket.

00:21:23.000 That shit corny, shut the fuck up.

00:21:25.000 Well, that's his classic line.

00:21:26.000 My son's on the cover of magazine.

00:21:29.000 He said, that shit corny, shut the fuck up.

00:21:31.000 Pork sees of a human.

00:21:33.000 Thank God the baby wasn't chair.

00:21:34.000 I think I know wahahai.

00:21:37.000 Okay, we're not getting the black.

00:21:39.000 She probably said the end of the day.

00:21:40.000 I noticed that now that Maddie's Instagram is public, he'll have a picture of him in a t-shirt and people are like, I think I know waha.

00:21:50.000 I get all sorts of.

00:21:51.000 They just show references.

00:21:55.000 Another thing, another news item I wanted to get to before we start taking calls is one of the weirdest phenomenons I've ever come across in my life.

00:22:06.000 And that is Kyle Rittenhouse's mother is not breathtaking.

00:22:13.000 She's not a supermodel.

00:22:15.000 She's a working-class single mother who I'm guessing has slept maybe three hours a night for the past month.

00:22:22.000 She definitely didn't sleep last night.

00:22:25.000 She's not big on makeup and toning.

00:22:29.000 What do they call that?

00:22:30.000 Contouring.

00:22:32.000 So she, believe it or not, a single mom who's worried that her boy is about to go to jail for, I'd say, 20 years is a worst case scenario.

00:22:41.000 I mean, worst case is life, but you know what I mean, like plausible worst case.

00:22:44.000 What do you think, Maddie?

00:22:47.000 It doesn't look good with the three days of deliberation.

00:22:50.000 That's not a good sign.

00:22:52.000 What do you think the span is of possibilities here?

00:22:55.000 Reasonable.

00:22:56.000 Obviously, death sentence and scot-free.

00:22:59.000 12 to 20.

00:23:00.000 What?

00:23:01.000 12 to 20.

00:23:02.000 12 to 20 we're looking at.

00:23:05.000 We made a bet with Brian.

00:23:06.000 I'll give him $400 if Kyle gets nothing.

00:23:11.000 And if Kyle gets anything, he has to drink a glass of whiskey before doing a show.

00:23:16.000 We thought that would happen before today's show.

00:23:19.000 Nope.

00:23:20.000 Mistrial counts as well.

00:23:22.000 What?

00:23:23.000 Mistrial counts as well.

00:23:25.000 Why are you a Bond villain all of a sudden?

00:23:29.000 Miss Job.

00:23:30.000 Jack Torrance.

00:23:31.000 I'm spooky.

00:23:33.000 You're like the fucking Squid Game billionaires who were like, I want to see them die.

00:23:40.000 Oh, those guys.

00:23:41.000 69.

00:23:42.000 I heard Sam and Jim and Sam's show today, and they were talking about how corny it was.

00:23:47.000 They were like, what number did you choose?

00:23:50.000 Yeah.

00:23:50.000 69.

00:23:51.000 Oh, I chose 96 because 69 is dead.

00:23:57.000 They do that sound.

00:23:58.000 And I have a theory on why that acting is so bad.

00:24:02.000 It's Korean TV.

00:24:03.000 Yes.

00:24:04.000 So the white guys available for the movie are going to be like English teachers.

00:24:09.000 It's not going to be actors.

00:24:10.000 You're in Korea.

00:24:11.000 When I lived in Taiwan, we modeled.

00:24:15.000 I modeled Levi's with some other nerd, and we danced for a commercial wearing Levi's because they needed white dudes.

00:24:22.000 And we were obviously terrible.

00:24:24.000 But that's how desperate they are.

00:24:26.000 So that's why I believe those actors are so shitty in that movie.

00:24:29.000 But what do you think is going to happen to Kyle Rittenhouse, Maddie?

00:24:34.000 Glasswegian gangster.

00:24:35.000 I don't think he's going to get charged with intentional homicide.

00:24:41.000 I know they have first-degree reckless endangerment on the thing.

00:24:43.000 That carries like a 12-year sentence in Wisconsin from what I understand.

00:24:49.000 It's going to be tough.

00:24:50.000 I mean.

00:24:52.000 Okay, get into your soul.

00:24:54.000 I'm trying to think of this.

00:24:54.000 Smokely.

00:24:56.000 The first guy who was the dropkick guy that he was never a witness or anything for the prosecution.

00:25:02.000 We just discovered today he was a serial wife beater.

00:25:05.000 Yeah.

00:25:07.000 He didn't pull his gun.

00:25:08.000 He didn't fire on him.

00:25:09.000 He didn't do that.

00:25:09.000 That was the first time he was knocked to the ground and kicked in the head and that.

00:25:15.000 He didn't start firing until like the second and third time that he was knocked to the ground and people were, well, two people pointed guns at him and one guy hit him with a skateboard.

00:25:24.000 So it kind of shows himself.

00:25:26.000 I thought the only person who pointed a gun at him was Gross Gerkowitz.

00:25:31.000 Gage Gerkowitz.

00:25:32.000 Well, didn't someone shoot at him?

00:25:34.000 I can't remember.

00:25:35.000 Well, they said they fired a warning shot or whatever.

00:25:37.000 I mean, you know.

00:25:40.000 So what do you think is going to happen?

00:25:43.000 Vibe it out.

00:25:43.000 Feel it out, dude.

00:25:45.000 He should walk.

00:25:46.000 It's justifiable.

00:25:47.000 100% justifiable.

00:25:49.000 We're not talking about that.

00:25:50.000 I think he's going to get probably 15 years.

00:25:54.000 What?

00:25:55.000 Yeah.

00:25:58.000 They're deliberating over every Charge right now going through all the jury instructions trying to find what they could fucking hang him on because I don't give a fuck what anybody says.

00:26:08.000 There's jury intimidation.

00:26:10.000 I'll make you a $20 bet right now that it does not go over three years.

00:26:15.000 Three?

00:26:16.000 Three.

00:26:17.000 Okay.

00:26:19.000 I'll say 15.

00:26:21.000 Okay, let's shake on it.

00:26:22.000 Horns guy got 42 months, I think.

00:26:25.000 Yeah.

00:26:25.000 Capital Horns guy.

00:26:27.000 He got three and a half years.

00:26:28.000 He's already done a year, so it's two and a half years.

00:26:31.000 That is a fucking insane sentence for trespassing.

00:26:35.000 He didn't break any windows.

00:26:37.000 He meandered into the Capitol wearing a silly costume.

00:26:41.000 His crime was really being the most visible guy because he had an outfit on.

00:26:45.000 That's really his crime.

00:26:47.000 They're saying, well, he led them all there.

00:26:49.000 Says who?

00:26:51.000 Remember that footage that Tucker showed where he shows up at the Capitol and he's like, it's my favorite guys.

00:26:58.000 And they go, what's up, dude?

00:26:59.000 And there's some guy bleeding.

00:27:01.000 And he's like, and then the cop goes, you guys, can you guys get out of here?

00:27:05.000 And the bleeding guy goes, we're going to get out.

00:27:08.000 I just want to make sure no one breaks anything.

00:27:10.000 And the cop goes, this is like one of the most respected areas at the Capitol.

00:27:15.000 It's kind of a big deal you guys are here.

00:27:16.000 If you could really, if you could move, that would be great.

00:27:19.000 They're like, yeah, yeah, we're leaving.

00:27:21.000 We're leaving.

00:27:24.000 Three and a half years in prison for that.

00:27:28.000 Fuck?

00:27:29.000 What did the Black Panthers get when they stormed the Capitol with guns and took over the entire building armed militia?

00:27:37.000 I don't think they had anything.

00:27:38.000 They got nothing because they're cool.

00:27:41.000 If the shaman was cool.

00:27:44.000 He's with Q. Q told him to do it.

00:27:48.000 Yeah.

00:27:49.000 Are you trying to dig up that footage I just mentioned?

00:27:52.000 Ryan?

00:27:53.000 No, I was...

00:27:54.000 I want to put this.

00:27:56.000 I have this ready to go.

00:27:57.000 Can we just say we're starting the show?

00:27:58.000 No.

00:27:59.000 So instead of you doing your job, you're so excited about the one little piece of work you did that you neglected to pull up a very important video piece, which you're probably not going to find now.

00:28:11.000 We still have this Unturned Stone of the original tangent, which is ugly women talking about how much prettier they are than Kyle Rittenhouse's mother.

00:28:23.000 These freaks want to make fun of how Kyle's mom looks.

00:28:26.000 That's rich.

00:28:27.000 Now, Sam Hyde is obviously in the top right.

00:28:30.000 That doesn't count.

00:28:32.000 But I'm sorry she's not taking your breath away when you try to fucking murder a child.

00:28:37.000 I find when I try to murder a woman's child, she doesn't look hot.

00:28:42.000 This is like my joke about World War II vets, how none of them are hot.

00:28:46.000 112.

00:28:47.000 I'm not sure if that guy, like, that's obviously a joke.

00:28:49.000 But the other guy, look at this.

00:28:50.000 I'll be 65 in February.

00:28:52.000 She must have had a tough life.

00:28:54.000 Yeah, I don't think that's a joke.

00:28:55.000 He's bragging.

00:28:57.000 That's a guy talking about how gorgeous he is.

00:29:00.000 What?

00:29:02.000 And look at this.

00:29:03.000 Wow, hate ages you quickly.

00:29:05.000 Here's what peace and love looks like at 59.

00:29:09.000 Like these fucking menopausal women and their egos.

00:29:13.000 It's bizarre.

00:29:16.000 Making me feel better about 61.

00:29:18.000 Look how hot I am.

00:29:20.000 You look like shit.

00:29:22.000 Yeah.

00:29:22.000 You look like a fat, wrinkly boy.

00:29:26.000 And maybe if you are going to say something like this, shouldn't you have tons of makeup on?

00:29:30.000 61 with purple hair.

00:29:32.000 Well, look at that one.

00:29:33.000 Wait, what does that one on the left say?

00:29:36.000 54 and feeling fine.

00:29:38.000 Good thoughts and kind deeds, baby.

00:29:41.000 So if you have good thoughts and kind deeds, you can be as hot as her.

00:29:44.000 Not like Kyle Rittenhouse's mom, who's totally not hot.

00:29:47.000 I'm in my 70s and I think I look younger than her.

00:29:50.000 No, it's a blurry, shitty photo, and we can see that you're 70 in it.

00:29:56.000 Two years younger.

00:29:58.000 Super yikes.

00:29:59.000 Look how hot I am.

00:30:01.000 What a weird fucking flex, by the way.

00:30:05.000 I'm better looking than his mom.

00:30:07.000 Like they want a politicians.

00:30:08.000 First, I'm better looking than his mom is the flex.

00:30:11.000 And then they want to make him political.

00:30:12.000 So they go.

00:30:14.000 How is that political?

00:30:15.000 Hate aged her.

00:30:16.000 That's stupidity.

00:30:18.000 It's racism and hate made her look old.

00:30:21.000 And I don't have any racism.

00:30:22.000 Hate has no home here.

00:30:24.000 So this is how gorgeous I am.

00:30:27.000 The fuck are you talking about, you losers?

00:30:30.000 All right.

00:30:31.000 Last sponsor before we go behind the paywall.

00:30:35.000 Of course, our favorite ever, Nita Fashions.

00:30:38.000 I'm actually kind of regretting this sponsorship deal.

00:30:42.000 I should have asked for equity.

00:30:46.000 We are responsible for 60% of Nita Fashions clients.

00:30:51.000 We get paid a nominal fee for this sponsorship.

00:30:54.000 I should have said, I want 10% of your company ad infinitum forever, you fuckers.

00:31:01.000 Fuck Nita Fashions.

00:31:02.000 Don't shop there.

00:31:03.000 Josh Kurder.

00:31:05.000 No, I'm happy to support this company.

00:31:07.000 It's a fantastic place.

00:31:08.000 They make all my suits and they can make all your suits for a very affordable price.

00:31:13.000 You go there, they go town to town, and they measure you up.

00:31:17.000 It's a very fun experience.

00:31:18.000 You feel like a king.

00:31:20.000 You go there, they measure you up, but even before that, you go and you like, you check swaths.

00:31:26.000 You've got like binders of swaths.

00:31:29.000 And you're like, hmm, you're feeling all these fabrics.

00:31:31.000 Like, it's guys don't usually get this kind of a treatment, right?

00:31:35.000 We're always like, just put that on and go fucking take out the garbage, bitch.

00:31:39.000 So for one day a year, there they are, the Daswanis, you're treated like a king.

00:31:46.000 And you sit there, you feel the different fabrics, you talk about the craftsmanship.

00:31:50.000 Then when you get your suit, they're like, do you want a metro ticket pocket?

00:31:54.000 Do you want this kind of collar?

00:31:55.000 Should we have this pocket?

00:31:57.000 Should we put your name here?

00:31:58.000 And you're an aristocrat.

00:32:00.000 You're a monarch.

00:32:01.000 You're King Duncan I of Scotland for one day.

00:32:06.000 And then they have your blueprint.

00:32:09.000 And every time you see a James Bond movie or something else, you say, can I have a jacket like this?

00:32:15.000 Like when I saw Animal House and I saw him do the speech at the end, where he's like, point of personal privilege.

00:32:22.000 You can say what you want about me, but I'm not going to let you sit here And desecrate the United States of America.

00:32:33.000 Then they all walk out, and I was like, Can you get me that suit?

00:32:37.000 Maybe three weeks later from Hong Kong, it arrives and it fits like pajamas.

00:32:42.000 I cannot recommend Nita Fashions enough.

00:32:44.000 Look them up on Instagram.

00:32:46.000 Have you got the Instagram link there, Ryan?

00:32:48.000 I do.

00:32:49.000 And they'll set up a Zoom call with you, which isn't as fun as the checking of the swatches.

00:32:56.000 But they'll have someone measure you.

00:32:58.000 You'll have a perfect sort of an invisible mannequin of yourself.

00:33:02.000 And then you can just order things at your heart's content.

00:33:05.000 You can get a beautiful dress shirt that fits you perfectly, that doesn't choke you.

00:33:09.000 By the way, when you don't have your top button done with a tie, you look like a fucking loser.

00:33:13.000 You look like a kid at his first job interview.

00:33:16.000 Your top button has to be done up if you're wearing a tie.

00:33:20.000 You can get that for $50.

00:33:22.000 You can get a suit, custom-made, the cheapest possible.

00:33:26.000 You could probably use $700.

00:33:28.000 And that's a suit that will last you forever.

00:33:30.000 And the sky's a little in the other direction.

00:33:32.000 You have super thick cotton shirt for $150.

00:33:35.000 You could have a $3,000 suit like a tuxedo-made for our imminent marathon on December 19th.

00:33:43.000 Yeah, you choose the buttons.

00:33:45.000 Anyway, I've said enough.

00:33:46.000 It's really fun.

00:33:48.000 Go to nitafashions.com.

00:33:53.000 All right, let's get behind the paywall, shall we?

00:33:57.000 We said everything we can about the sponsors.

00:33:59.000 We're about to take some calls.

00:34:01.000 And all you freeloaders, I want you to know that we hate you.

00:34:06.000 And all you have to do to get the rest of this show and all the other shows is go to censored.tv.com, sign up, $10 a month.

00:34:15.000 That's a beer and a half a month in Manhattan.

00:34:18.000 I'm sure you people probably pay $4 a beer.

00:34:21.000 So it's, oh, I just barfed.

00:34:26.000 2.2 beers a month?

00:34:28.000 It's nothing.

00:34:30.000 And you don't just get this show.

00:34:31.000 You get Jacob Wall catching the FBI trying to fuck young girls.

00:34:37.000 You get Lotus in Hawaii talking about the disgusting evolution of leftists over there.

00:34:45.000 You've got Jim Goad going back through time and showing you the patterns of hypocrisy that have been going on for generations and how we can see this evolve into the future.

00:34:58.000 You got me and Anthony Kumiya, and of course you have possibly as popular as me, if you can even imagine that.

00:35:05.000 You have atheism is unstoppable.

00:35:07.000 I'm a Catholic.

00:35:08.000 I'm a Christian.

00:35:08.000 I believe in God.

00:35:10.000 He doesn't.

00:35:10.000 I tried to get him to get on the show and discuss this, but he didn't want his face on the screen for some weird reason.

00:35:19.000 But you have a plethora of other shows, more than you can possibly watch.

00:35:23.000 I think if you watched everything we have to offer, you're spending too much time watching censored.tv.

00:35:28.000 That's the level of content we're dealing with over here.

00:35:33.000 At any rate, we're now going to only speak to the people who pay.

00:35:37.000 So goodbye, freeloaders.

00:35:39.000 And to everyone, both freeloaders and the guys who pay.

00:35:44.000 Get fired.

00:35:45.000 Get in trouble.

00:35:46.000 Be brave.

00:35:47.000 And never stop fighting.

00:36:11.000 Yeah, right.

00:36:13.000 He fucking loves me.

00:36:29.000 Get this.

00:36:32.000 My motorcycle key has arrived.

00:36:36.000 It's in Johnny's bed.

00:36:39.000 So you found the actual.

00:36:40.000 I found the actual key.

00:36:43.000 I can't send you the picture because it's got my son's face in it, but.

00:36:46.000 You didn't tell the viewers what happened.

00:36:48.000 Well, guess what?

00:36:50.000 Now that I see this new key, I don't need you, bitch.

00:36:55.000 But it's still an amazing story.

00:36:56.000 Go fuck yourself.

00:36:58.000 It's a tale of ingenuity.

00:37:00.000 You left me.

00:37:00.000 I moved on.

00:37:03.000 Oh, now that you got the new key that you made from the technical.

00:37:07.000 I got a great life now without you.

00:37:09.000 Nobody knows what you're talking about, but it's not.

00:37:11.000 I don't need you.

00:37:12.000 Okay.

00:37:13.000 We're done.

00:37:14.000 Okay.

00:37:14.000 Don't try to waltz back into my life.

00:37:17.000 There's two, maybe three more warm motorcycle days of 2021, and you abandon me at the end.

00:37:26.000 You're dead to me.

00:37:27.000 Have you found the yes, it was just sent to me.

00:37:31.000 My wife showed it to me.

00:37:32.000 It was in my son's bed.

00:37:34.000 I lie there and look at my phone while he goes to sleep because he's a fucking, he's horrible at going to bed.

00:37:41.000 And it was discovered in his bed.

00:37:45.000 I don't want her anymore.

00:37:47.000 No.

00:37:48.000 You have a new one.

00:37:49.000 The keys are she.

00:37:50.000 I've moved on.

00:37:51.000 The keys are she.

00:37:52.000 I don't think the viewers know the work that went into getting.

00:37:55.000 So it's a cool story.

00:37:59.000 So!

00:38:04.000 Okay, here's the story.

00:38:05.000 Okay.

00:38:05.000 So I'm all excited.

00:38:07.000 It's like 60 degrees today.

00:38:10.000 So I go to the bike.

00:38:12.000 I'm ready to fucking rip.

00:38:13.000 I don't know.

00:38:14.000 I've been doing a lot of drunk driving on my motorcycle, and I think it helps you break through any fears you have about going 90 miles an hour because you don't care if you die.

00:38:23.000 So then the next day, sober, it's like you broke your cherry and you're like, whipping because you remember drunk you tearing up the highway last night at 90 miles an hour.

00:38:34.000 I'm obviously exaggerating.

00:38:35.000 I couldn't handle 90.

00:38:36.000 75?

00:38:37.000 But anyway, I go to start the bike.

00:38:40.000 There's no fucking key.

00:38:41.000 Fuck.

00:38:42.000 And I search and I search and I search.

00:38:45.000 And then I go, it's at the studio.

00:38:46.000 It's at the studio.

00:38:48.000 And I'm kind of a pussy with bad news.

00:38:51.000 Like if I think I may have lost my wallet, the way I check my ass is I won't just go like, I'll like start on the hip And like creep towards the back pocket so the news won't be too alarming too fast.

00:39:06.000 You know what I mean?

00:39:08.000 Gonna let you down easy.

00:39:09.000 Yeah, let me give me the no slowly.

00:39:11.000 It's sort of like if you're going to a lake in Canada in the summer, some people dive in.

00:39:16.000 I like to just sort of go, oh, fucking Jesus.

00:39:18.000 Oh my God.

00:39:19.000 Oh my God.

00:39:20.000 Then like put the water on you.

00:39:21.000 Oh, here we go.

00:39:22.000 I think it's a Scottish thing.

00:39:23.000 My dad's the same way.

00:39:24.000 He'll fight anyone in the world, but he takes an hour to get into a lake.

00:39:28.000 So I get to the studio today and I'm going from the door to where my desk is and I'm like, easy, easy, moment of truth, moment of truth.

00:39:36.000 And I just peer around the corner very slowly.

00:39:40.000 No fucking key.

00:39:42.000 So I call our man Joel, who talks a big game.

00:39:47.000 I saw this video where this guy puts in a dead key like with nothing on it.

00:39:52.000 He feels around and then he pulls it out and he's like click, click, click with clippers.

00:39:57.000 And then he makes the key and turns it on.

00:39:59.000 And I said weeks ago when we went golfing, I go, can you do that?

00:40:02.000 And he goes, yep.

00:40:03.000 I use a file, not a clipper, but I can do that.

00:40:07.000 Okay.

00:40:08.000 So I call him and I go, I lost my fucking key, dude.

00:40:12.000 And he goes, okay, well, send me your VIN and the fucking serial number.

00:40:16.000 And then maybe we can order a key from Amazon.

00:40:19.000 And then we'll call Triumph and see.

00:40:21.000 I'm like, that's weeks, dude.

00:40:23.000 It's now December.

00:40:26.000 I want to ride it now.

00:40:28.000 And he goes, okay, well, I don't even know where to begin.

00:40:31.000 Like, can you give me, he makes me take a picture of the ignition and the ignition doesn't have any number on it.

00:40:36.000 It just says like on-off kind of thing.

00:40:38.000 And he goes, I don't know what you want me to do here.

00:40:40.000 And then I remembered.

00:40:42.000 I'm not going to show it on the show because you guys could steal my bike.

00:40:46.000 But I was talking about Ryan's stupid bitch baby.

00:40:52.000 Just kidding.

00:40:53.000 Dumb joke.

00:40:55.000 I was talking about Ryan's adorable child.

00:40:57.000 And I can't remember who was asking.

00:40:59.000 I think it was my wife.

00:41:01.000 But I'm like, her feet are one inch.

00:41:05.000 And someone didn't believe me.

00:41:06.000 So I took my triumph key, my Bonneville key, and I put it next to her foot.

00:41:11.000 And then I took a picture for scale.

00:41:14.000 And I was like, look how tiny her feet are.

00:41:17.000 So then I send that to my locksmith guy.

00:41:20.000 And he's like, dude, I can make a key from just this.

00:41:25.000 Amazing.

00:41:26.000 And I go, do you need me to print it out?

00:41:27.000 And then in Photoshop?

00:41:28.000 And he's like, no, no, no, no.

00:41:29.000 I can look at it and then go, so I go, okay, I'm not home.

00:41:35.000 I'm at the studio.

00:41:38.000 But the garage door is open.

00:41:39.000 And he goes, okay, I'll go by.

00:41:41.000 And then he sends me a video.

00:41:43.000 He goes, chink, clink.

00:41:44.000 It's on.

00:41:45.000 Green lights are on.

00:41:46.000 I'll leave it on your seat.

00:41:47.000 You owe me a drink.

00:41:49.000 And I was like, this is fucking amazing.

00:41:53.000 And here I have in my pocket, connected to my tile so this never happens again a brand new key.

00:42:00.000 I'm going to swing it so you can't duplicate it.

00:42:03.000 Look at that.

00:42:04.000 Amaze balls.

00:42:05.000 From a picture.

00:42:08.000 Isn't that amazing?

00:42:09.000 It really is.

00:42:11.000 And now my old key is like, hey man, I want you back.

00:42:15.000 No.

00:42:16.000 Fuck off.

00:42:17.000 Fuck you.

00:42:19.000 You abandoned me on the most important day of the year.

00:42:23.000 Fuck you.

00:42:25.000 I hate you.

00:42:26.000 That's me talking to my kid.

00:42:27.000 You have hurt me today.

00:42:29.000 You're fucking dead.

00:42:30.000 Hey, Key, if you're watching this, you're fucking dead to me.

00:42:34.000 You have hurt me today.

00:42:36.000 I have a new key now.

00:42:40.000 Of course, if I lose this key, I have to.

00:42:43.000 Isn't it exactly like your single days with bitches?

00:42:48.000 Remember, obviously, but when you're single, women are like plants.

00:42:54.000 And you have like a spare and a pear and you're watering them.

00:42:58.000 And then you like call some chick you haven't called in 10 days.

00:43:01.000 And she's like, I'm going out with this dude, Kevin, tonight.

00:43:04.000 And you're like, what?

00:43:05.000 We're an item.

00:43:06.000 And she's like, you haven't called me in 10 days.

00:43:08.000 And you're like, oh, I let you die.

00:43:11.000 You died on the vine.

00:43:12.000 I should have watered you more.

00:43:14.000 I've noticed that is true as a married man with bars.

00:43:18.000 Like, I used to think I could have three locals, like our buddy Jose does.

00:43:22.000 But no, if you're going to have a chick you're fucking, you can really just have one.

00:43:29.000 Monogamy is natural.

00:43:31.000 You can't fuck three chicks and have them all be eager to bone you every time you pop by unless you have nothing else going on and you're donating like, I don't know, 12 hours a week to chicks.

00:43:45.000 And I think I know why.

00:43:50.000 I don't think a man can have two locals.

00:43:54.000 Here, I'm going to say it now on the show.

00:43:56.000 I don't think a man can have a spare and a pair.

00:44:00.000 I think he should aspire to that if he's out trying to look for a mate, but don't expect it to last.

00:44:07.000 A man cannot have more than one woman he's focused on fucking.

00:44:11.000 And a married man can't have more than one bar that he sees as his local.

00:44:18.000 Or, you know, you walk into, say you have two bars, which I did for a while.

00:44:24.000 And I'd walk into the other and it'd be like, oh, hey, man.

00:44:27.000 And you could tell it was like.

00:44:29.000 Haven't seen you in a while.

00:44:30.000 Haven't seen you in a bit.

00:44:32.000 And the bartender doesn't give you the buybacks that he was last time.

00:44:35.000 And you're not.

00:44:36.000 Just leave.

00:44:37.000 Just go somewhere else.

00:44:39.000 You're not established the way you are when you have one local.

00:44:45.000 There's some sort of grand moral there.

00:44:47.000 I'm not sure what it is, monogamy.

00:44:49.000 There's not going to be a President Donald Trump.

00:44:54.000 When you play a bunch of those, is that your way of saying I'm boring?

00:44:57.000 I come really, really hard.

00:45:00.000 Okay, last thing I want to discuss before we start taking calls is Abigail.

00:45:06.000 Say what?

00:45:07.000 I've had enough of this woman.

00:45:10.000 Why is she coming to our bar?

00:45:12.000 You've had her Phil?

00:45:13.000 I'm done with Abigail.

00:45:15.000 She was playing Phil Collins and like weird shitty 80s songs that you never really thought of.

00:45:25.000 Like Heat of the Moment or some shit, you know?

00:45:30.000 Like Asia?

00:45:32.000 Well, you called her by the wrong name the other day.

00:45:35.000 What is her name?

00:45:36.000 Abigail, I guess.

00:45:38.000 Okay.

00:45:39.000 You called her.

00:45:41.000 Something like that.

00:45:42.000 It was close.

00:45:43.000 It was similar.

00:45:44.000 Alexandra or?

00:45:45.000 No, oh fuck.

00:45:46.000 But she gets all of.

00:45:47.000 She's perpetually offended.

00:45:49.000 And I remember the first time I met her, I don't give a fuck.

00:45:53.000 She's a black Caribbean woman.

00:45:55.000 She's seven feet tall.

00:45:57.000 She has an accent.

00:45:59.000 She's from Trinidad and Tobago.

00:46:02.000 No one has a problem with any of this.

00:46:04.000 No.

00:46:05.000 She has a butt on her head the size of a pumpkin.

00:46:08.000 She looks like Mr. Potato Head.

00:46:11.000 She dresses like she's going to the Caribbean Academy Awards.

00:46:14.000 Red leather short shorts, fishnet stockings, high-heel shoes, a blouse.

00:46:20.000 She's got a gunt.

00:46:21.000 She's got a fupa.

00:46:22.000 And then she'll have like jewelry in her fucking hair.

00:46:26.000 Like a gold chain like hanging from her man bun with like diamonds.

00:46:30.000 She looks like a clown.

00:46:32.000 It's ridiculous.

00:46:34.000 And no one cares about any of that.

00:46:36.000 But then she starts complaining about like, why are there no woman here?

00:46:40.000 I don't know, because you're at an old man bar where I am Ricky Schroeder and Silver Spoons.

00:46:46.000 Like I'm a gorgeous child at our bar.

00:46:51.000 I'm a spring chicken.

00:46:52.000 There's a couple others.

00:46:54.000 Tommy and James are younger than me.

00:46:56.000 But Tommy and James come across as children at this bar.

00:47:00.000 It's normally like Freddy, right?

00:47:02.000 Yeah, they're quite in their early 30s.

00:47:04.000 Cross-eyed geriatrics, yeah.

00:47:06.000 Freddy and fucking the guy with the gorgeous blue eyes.

00:47:10.000 What's his name?

00:47:11.000 Artie.

00:47:12.000 Artie.

00:47:12.000 Like Artie could build a boat with his eyes closed, literally.

00:47:15.000 Yeah.

00:47:17.000 And I revere those old men.

00:47:20.000 And I'm like, hey, how's it going?

00:47:21.000 They tell me about when they had like a 1974 Alfa Romero in 1974.

00:47:27.000 Oh, yeah.

00:47:28.000 I think Freddy Pipes still works for whatever reason.

00:47:31.000 I don't know, but they're all in their mid to late 70s.

00:47:35.000 Yeah, Freddy Pipes has had every beautiful car you can mention, but in the time of.

00:47:41.000 Yeah.

00:47:41.000 Like, oh, you like the 1968 Ford Galaxies?

00:47:44.000 Yeah, I had one in 1968.

00:47:46.000 So great guys to talk to.

00:47:48.000 And if you're going to be some fucking Caribbean queen, don't play that on the fucking jukebox.

00:47:55.000 And just be quiet and revere your surroundings.

00:47:58.000 Don't reek up the entire fucking bar with perfume.

00:48:03.000 And in the summer, when the ceiling fans are on, she walks in and boom, it's chemical flowers from coast to coast.

00:48:13.000 And one time she goes, I said like that, yeah, that guy's a total faggot.

00:48:17.000 And she goes, excuse me, that's not really acceptable.

00:48:22.000 I was going to say nomenclature, but she wouldn't say that.

00:48:24.000 That's not really acceptable language, you know, using such words.

00:48:28.000 I'm like, Abigail, you're from Trinidad.

00:48:32.000 It's illegal to be gay there, and it's a capital offense.

00:48:36.000 You're murdered by the state if you're fucking gay.

00:48:40.000 And you're worried about me using a rude term?

00:48:43.000 And then I'm thinking, like, imagine I went to a Caribbean woman's hair salon in Yonkers.

00:48:48.000 Oh, that's, I didn't even mention that.

00:48:50.000 She's from Yonkers.

00:48:53.000 So she takes a $40 Uber from Yonkers, comes to the bar, drinks whatever, $30, $40 worth of booze, then goes home, $40.

00:49:04.000 We're at $130 to sit with old white men.

00:49:10.000 Why?

00:49:12.000 She doesn't even like them.

00:49:13.000 She's like, well, there's no woman here.

00:49:15.000 Yeah.

00:49:16.000 Like, maybe if you have a fetish for old white dudes, I'd understand it.

00:49:21.000 But she doesn't talk to like she's on her phone.

00:49:25.000 She's constantly in the fucking bathroom.

00:49:28.000 God knows what's going on in there.

00:49:30.000 Complaining about the fruit flies.

00:49:32.000 Like, imagine I go to Yonkers.

00:49:34.000 I spend $40 on my Uber to go there.

00:49:37.000 I go to a Caribbean woman's salon where they're making their man buns, putting jewelry in their man buns.

00:49:43.000 And I put Metallica on the jukebox and constantly complain about the atmosphere and how there's no men there.

00:49:49.000 I am a woman.

00:49:50.000 I am black.

00:49:52.000 Yeah, I mean, it's an oddity.

00:49:56.000 I mean, is a public spy?

00:49:59.000 Is she working for the Huffington Post or the feds?

00:50:02.000 I don't know.

00:50:03.000 Is she waiting for me to say something racist?

00:50:05.000 Is she about me?

00:50:06.000 Sorry to be self-centered, but is she a spy trying to catch me say something racist?

00:50:11.000 No.

00:50:12.000 If I say nigger, will she leave?

00:50:15.000 It's like Beetlejuice in reverse.

00:50:18.000 You say the N-word and she finally goes fucking home.

00:50:22.000 God damn it.

00:50:24.000 It is a cube murder.

00:50:26.000 It's a man, baby.

00:50:28.000 Arrangement, but I don't read too much into it because I don't really...

00:50:33.000 I say hello and that's about it.

00:50:35.000 Okay, we'll treat it as a Rubik's Cube then.

00:50:38.000 What is she doing there?

00:50:40.000 How many bars are between Yonkers and where we are?

00:50:43.000 A lot.

00:50:45.000 Probably 100.

00:50:49.000 I mean, did she like spin a globe and throw a dart at it?

00:50:55.000 She's miles away.

00:50:56.000 And you folks probably watching this, you might live in North Carolina.

00:51:00.000 You might live in Florida.

00:51:02.000 Things might be a little more spread out where you are in Indiana or something.

00:51:05.000 We're in New York City.

00:51:06.000 It's like it's fucking bar mania.

00:51:13.000 This city was founded by the Dutch, but quickly taken over by the Irish.

00:51:18.000 There's bars after bars after bars.

00:51:20.000 When you go to Grand Central to go home on the train, you get a fucking Maker's mark to go.

00:51:25.000 You're sitting on the train with the fucking Maker's mark on the rocks.

00:51:30.000 On the train.

00:51:31.000 You can drink on the train.

00:51:32.000 There's booze everywhere.

00:51:34.000 Even way out in the suburbs of Westchester, you can get a drink at 3.59 a.m. right before that one bar closes.

00:51:42.000 And then I'm sure the earliest beer you could get would be probably the Italian restaurant at 9 a.m.

00:51:49.000 So there's five hours you can't drink.

00:51:51.000 Booze is everywhere.

00:51:52.000 What the fuck are you doing here?

00:51:55.000 And again, if she was colorful and funny and enjoying herself, I'd be jerking off.

00:52:04.000 Scratched my head.

00:52:06.000 It's confusing.

00:52:07.000 And so everyone avoids her mostly because she reeks of perfume.

00:52:10.000 So she's stuck with like Freddy with the cockeyes.

00:52:13.000 Yeah.

00:52:14.000 Right?

00:52:14.000 Freddy Giants jacket.

00:52:15.000 And he's all too thrilled to talk to some young people.

00:52:18.000 Probably hasn't spoken to a 30-something in forever.

00:52:22.000 Then she goes, I'm moving to Georgia.

00:52:25.000 Or South Carolina or something.

00:52:26.000 South Carolina.

00:52:26.000 Somewhere down South.

00:52:27.000 But I'm keeping an apartment in Yonkers.

00:52:29.000 And you're like, wait, I've heard of bi-coastal.

00:52:31.000 New York and LA.

00:52:32.000 Rich people do that.

00:52:33.000 They have two apartments.

00:52:35.000 But Yonkers and South Carolina, that's not a thing.

00:52:40.000 What's that?

00:52:41.000 Say that again?

00:52:42.000 Why?

00:52:42.000 That's exactly what I say every time she opens her mouth.

00:52:46.000 What?

00:52:49.000 I'm trying to think what you called her the other day, not Abigail.

00:52:53.000 And she was like, you just called me the wrong name.

00:52:55.000 And you were like, oh, did I?

00:52:56.000 Then you're not memorable.

00:52:58.000 It's like when people get mad, they go, I've met you like four times.

00:53:02.000 Okay, so you're not memorable.

00:53:04.000 Why are you mad at me for you not being memorable?

00:53:08.000 Sorry.

00:53:12.000 All right, let's take some calls.

00:53:15.000 No mailbag?

00:53:18.000 Good point.

00:53:19.000 Mailbag.

00:53:19.000 I forgot all of you.

00:53:20.000 All right.

00:53:21.000 They's Stewie.

00:53:23.000 Ryan, shut up.

00:53:25.000 You don't have a dad.

00:53:28.000 Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.

00:53:34.000 Let me touch it.

00:53:37.000 I brought my cool new computer because the old woman's letting us down.

00:53:42.000 It works by fingerprints.

00:53:45.000 Look at that.

00:53:47.000 I just touched it with my finger.

00:53:50.000 It's pretty impressive.

00:53:54.000 Oh, shit.

00:53:55.000 Low bats.

00:53:59.000 Don't worry about it.

00:54:04.000 This is from 46 minutes ago.

00:54:07.000 Fy guy Gab.

00:54:08.000 The picture of your motorcycle key is on Getter.

00:54:11.000 Yeah, whatever.

00:54:12.000 Steal my motorcycle.

00:54:13.000 I don't care.

00:54:15.000 Lesbians.

00:54:16.000 I call bullshit on lesbians only liking women.

00:54:19.000 There's no way they only eat pussy.

00:54:21.000 They have to use fake dicks.

00:54:23.000 So are they really lesbians if they're using dildos that resemble a man's cock?

00:54:28.000 Strong point.

00:54:30.000 Also, lots of trolls today in Kenosha at the courthouse.

00:54:33.000 Here's a video of a guy getting harassed by the pro-pedophile demonstrators because he has a rifle bag.

00:54:39.000 Look what he pulls out of the bag.

00:54:40.000 People think he's a fed, by the way.

00:54:44.000 Could be.

00:54:51.000 Why is he a fed?

00:54:55.000 Empty case for the attention.

00:54:57.000 Empty case for the attention.

00:55:00.000 Black dildo.

00:55:01.000 How is that good for the feds?

00:55:02.000 Or he's not a fed.

00:55:09.000 And they all know him.

00:55:11.000 Come back, fucking.

00:55:21.000 But look at the lack of violence there.

00:55:26.000 He's got his service dog.

00:55:27.000 There was some violence.

00:55:30.000 A reporter got slammed by two people.

00:55:33.000 They got arrested.

00:55:35.000 But like that guy going, you're not welcome in my town, Jesse.

00:55:39.000 And I was watching that video and I was thinking about life in the 80s where you would talk that way in high school and you would get your shit rocked.

00:55:47.000 Like the way adults talk to each other in 2021 would be totally not tolerated in junior high in the 70s and 80s.

00:56:00.000 I agree.

00:56:04.000 It bothers me.

00:56:06.000 People have to understand.

00:56:07.000 They're not sitting behind a keyboard when you're face to face.

00:56:14.000 Meanwhile, in Singapore, I have a cousin who's an expat in Singapore.

00:56:18.000 What are you doing in fucking Singapore?

00:56:20.000 The West is the best.

00:56:22.000 Like I lived in Taiwan for a while, but I was in my early 20s trying to make money.

00:56:26.000 I didn't intend to move there.

00:56:27.000 But all these guys, like, there's a Prow Boys chapter in Japan.

00:56:31.000 And I get it, but I also go, guys, the West is the best.

00:56:35.000 What are you doing in the East?

00:56:37.000 And they go, well, it's more, there's more conservative values in Japan than there are in America.

00:56:42.000 And I sort of go, okay, well, then come back here and fix it.

00:56:47.000 Turn around, you walk away.

00:56:52.000 I can't believe two separate guys said that to Kartnark.

00:56:55.000 Kartnark.

00:56:55.000 Verbato.

00:56:56.000 Turn around and walk away.

00:57:01.000 That's a classic, though.

00:57:02.000 I'm gay for that guy.

00:57:03.000 That's Dylan Ol in the Watchtower.

00:57:05.000 Kartnark.

00:57:06.000 Turn around and walk away.

00:57:07.000 I'm gay for him.

00:57:09.000 I think I would be starstruck if I met him.

00:57:11.000 He was on Dr. Phil.

00:57:13.000 You saw that?

00:57:14.000 No?

00:57:14.000 No.

00:57:15.000 I couldn't meet any celebrity in the world and not give a fuck.

00:57:18.000 Fuck them all.

00:57:19.000 I hate them.

00:57:20.000 It'd be like meeting fucking rats, vermin.

00:57:25.000 But I think if I met Cartnark, I would sort of fumble my words because he's so awesome.

00:57:33.000 What are the magnets?

00:57:34.000 I have an expat who's in Singapore.

00:57:36.000 He sent me this photo.

00:57:38.000 If you molest, we will arrest.

00:57:40.000 Yeah.

00:57:41.000 It should be a given.

00:57:45.000 I'm the founder of the Kartnarks.

00:57:47.000 Oh, there he is.

00:57:48.000 Cardinarks are an independent organization that tries to get people to just take their cart back to the cart return.

00:57:55.000 That's not where the carts go.

00:57:56.000 That's the mulch.

00:57:57.000 When I do see that some lazy thing, I thought he would be.

00:58:01.000 I thought he'd be more of a skinny mulch.

00:58:02.000 I thought he was a kid, yeah.

00:58:04.000 On the wand of justice and activate the mouth siren.

00:58:06.000 My understanding is this original case.

00:58:08.000 He looks like a cop.

00:58:09.000 I didn't expect him to look like a cop.

00:58:10.000 He's got a cop face, yeah.

00:58:11.000 Cop head.

00:58:12.000 He's got cop head.

00:58:13.000 This originates from a bit done with a local radio show, and it just got way bigger.

00:58:22.000 That's not where the cards got.

00:58:23.000 It's an old spot.

00:58:24.000 We've had hundreds of encounters.

00:58:26.000 I've had many threats on my life being a card narc.

00:58:28.000 Besides a guy pulling a gun on me, I've had multiple people say they're going to run me over.

00:58:33.000 Well, sir, that's not a killer.

00:58:35.000 Sir, that's against the law.

00:58:37.000 There's definitely an adrenaline rush.

00:58:39.000 Don't f yourself.

00:58:40.000 Man, cartnar.

00:58:42.000 This is my uniform.

00:58:44.000 I have an equipment vest, which is actually a bulletproof vest.

00:58:47.000 I put my body camera right here, captures everything that happens so nobody can lie about it afterwards.

00:58:52.000 That's uh curbing, sir.

00:58:53.000 You know what's the curve?

00:58:54.000 He does this all over America.

00:58:56.000 Jesus.

00:58:57.000 He's got too much time.

00:58:58.000 It'd be one thing if it was like he did it for a week and he had a bunch of footage.

00:59:02.000 He's been doing this for years across the country, bitching at people for not putting their carts back.

00:59:10.000 Talk about commitment to a bit.

00:59:13.000 Telling you, obviously making money at it.

00:59:16.000 He deserves a PhD in comedy for this.

00:59:21.000 Do they have him sit down?

00:59:23.000 Just asking them to put their cart back where they know it belongs.

00:59:26.000 Yeah, that's what's great about him.

00:59:28.000 He never abandons the bit.

00:59:30.000 Well, but you do more than just ask them to put their cart back.

00:59:33.000 Well, that's correct because...

00:59:34.000 You shame them.

00:59:35.000 Correct.

00:59:35.000 And it's only, as you saw in the videos there, it's a bumper magnet.

00:59:39.000 It's not marking, but it is that scarlet letter that says, I don't return my shopping cart like a jerk.

00:59:44.000 And when they do react like what we're seeing in some of these videos, it does highlight how ridiculous they are, how ridiculous their ego is.

00:59:52.000 Is your disability lazy bonesitis?

00:59:55.000 Because I saw you walking that store.

00:59:57.000 Oh, absolutely.

00:59:58.000 How about that?

00:59:59.000 Your fucking yourself.

01:00:00.000 Delicious McDonald's and you yourself.

01:00:02.000 I love banging drains.

01:00:04.000 You're throwing you there.

01:00:04.000 I don't give a man.

01:00:05.000 Let me give you my gift.

01:00:06.000 Let me give you my business card.

01:00:07.000 Who you think you are?

01:00:08.000 But don't ever tell somebody with a disability it's lazy bones itis.

01:00:13.000 You had a pretty good throwing arm for someone with a disability.

01:00:15.000 Throwing arm into my back.

01:00:17.000 I gotta use your back to throw.

01:00:18.000 Would you like my business card or not?

01:00:19.000 How about that?

01:00:20.000 So why do you harass people?

01:00:21.000 Not harass.

01:00:22.000 Agents.

01:00:22.000 Because it's the best thing in the world.

01:00:25.000 But the real disability might have like a gibberish.

01:00:27.000 Don't ever insult somebody and tell them they don't have a real disability, Sebastian.

01:00:30.000 Yeah, I'm in a hurry to go home to my autistic daughter.

01:00:32.000 Who also has a disability?

01:00:34.000 My autistic daughter?

01:00:35.000 Why does your daughter give you the right to park there?

01:00:38.000 Mom, you didn't put the cart back, did you?

01:00:40.000 No, and also our autistic kids don't talk that way.

01:00:43.000 Well, she says she has a bad back.

01:00:45.000 You probably could be a better role model for her.

01:00:47.000 Her back is autistic.

01:00:49.000 Sam, you're a piece of s.

01:00:51.000 Ma'am, I didn't throw anything at somebody.

01:00:55.000 I doubt many people are getting your body anytime soon.

01:00:58.000 You don't know what people are doing.

01:00:59.000 Wait, what did he say?

01:01:00.000 I don't know what's going to be inside your body anytime soon.

01:01:03.000 Sam, you're a piece of s ⁇ .

01:01:04.000 Ma'am, I didn't throw anything at somebody.

01:01:09.000 I doubt many people are getting your body anytime soon.

01:01:11.000 You don't know what people's day is.

01:01:13.000 You don't know what their life is.

01:01:15.000 I don't know her day, Dr. Phil.

01:01:17.000 But I do know that I saw her walk out to her truck, climb up in her truck, and load her groceries.

01:01:21.000 The percentage of the people watching Dr. Phil, watching him know what cartnar is.

01:01:26.000 Take this at face value and are like, he's going a little far with the cartnarking.

01:01:34.000 I mean, I'm going to sound sexist because it's mostly housewives.

01:01:38.000 Yeah.

01:01:38.000 And we like to venerate the housewife on this show.

01:01:41.000 But I'm going to go with 15 to 20% of the people watching that show got the bit.

01:01:50.000 And the other 70, 75 were like, I mean, you should return your card, but that's way too much.

01:01:56.000 All right, anyway, dogs.

01:01:58.000 Hey, Gavin, Maddie, and Fag Dad.

01:02:00.000 Whoa.

01:02:01.000 That's you, Ryan.

01:02:01.000 That's what we called the Antifa kid when we were in jail.

01:02:04.000 Sal and I, Fag Dad.

01:02:06.000 Oh, tell me more.

01:02:08.000 Well, we were in jail.

01:02:09.000 Why were you in jail?

01:02:11.000 Because we were, it was the NYU talk that you did.

01:02:16.000 I did a talk at NYU.

01:02:17.000 I was pepper sprayed.

01:02:18.000 Right.

01:02:18.000 Antifa were there.

01:02:19.000 I went undercover.

01:02:21.000 They were screaming, fuck you, Nazi, stuff like that.

01:02:24.000 Correct.

01:02:26.000 I did the talk blinded.

01:02:29.000 But the professors allowed the students to drown it out, so we left.

01:02:33.000 But Proud Boys were there at the beginning.

01:02:36.000 This was sort of the beginning of Proud Boys being violent.

01:02:39.000 Yeah, this is before Antifa was a thing that I knew of, really.

01:02:43.000 Okay, that doesn't mean anything.

01:02:44.000 Antifa's been around since World War II.

01:02:47.000 But they've kind of resurfaced.

01:02:49.000 No one cares, Ryan, that you heard of them in.

01:02:51.000 So we didn't really have on the street opposition at this time.

01:02:55.000 Trump wasn't even inaugurated yet.

01:02:59.000 He wasn't.

01:02:59.000 This was February.

01:03:01.000 Right?

01:03:02.000 So.

01:03:02.000 Yeah.

01:03:04.000 Or he was just inaugurated.

01:03:05.000 And I dress up as Antifa.

01:03:07.000 I wave to my friends across the street, the Proud Boys.

01:03:09.000 And then I get into a little kerfuffle because I'm spotted.

01:03:15.000 How'd you get spotted?

01:03:16.000 Because this tall dude, after I waved, I was like, hey, guys, it's me.

01:03:21.000 And they were like, this fucking guy, I have a picture of your own spot.

01:03:26.000 I have a picture of a guy.

01:03:27.000 I'm here.

01:03:28.000 Disguised as Antifa.

01:03:30.000 What's up?

01:03:31.000 I've told this story a million times, but it's a tall Nordic Viking-size guy, but with the heart of a pussy.

01:03:38.000 Maybe it was the dude who went to Grikers for a year for fighting that old Jew.

01:03:42.000 No, this guy's real tall, like obnoxiously tall.

01:03:47.000 So I'm on up getting cornered by him, and he gets his buddies over.

01:03:51.000 What was he saying?

01:03:53.000 You're a fascist.

01:03:54.000 Yeah, and then he made me say, save Black Lives Matter then.

01:03:58.000 If you're not a race.

01:03:59.000 Yeah, they say that like it's saying to a Fed, like making a Fed do drugs.

01:04:04.000 Or saying to a Fed, I'm not a Fed.

01:04:07.000 Is that a true thing, Maddie?

01:04:09.000 Where feds are not allowed to say, I'm not a Fed?

01:04:12.000 Entrapment.

01:04:13.000 Well, they could lie if they, you know, it's part of their job to lie.

01:04:17.000 Yeah.

01:04:18.000 And if their life is in danger or they feel their life is in danger, they can actually do drugs.

01:04:25.000 So that whole drugs test and the say you're not a fed.

01:04:29.000 I mean, it comes with a lot of, from what I've seen and heard, because I'm not a fed.

01:04:34.000 I've never, I did all the drugs willingly in my time.

01:04:40.000 But yeah, to say like the guy Billy Queen, he wrote that book.

01:04:44.000 He was an undercover Mongol.

01:04:46.000 And the guy Jay Dobbins said he became a Hell's Angel, which he never did.

01:04:49.000 But he would say, you know, there was people that hung around him to do the drugs.

01:04:55.000 But he was eating diet, like, and he was eating pills of fedrin to stay up anyway, he was all fucking whacked out.

01:05:02.000 But yeah, there are protocols if the quote-unquote undercover agent feels his life is in danger.

01:05:09.000 If he doesn't do it, then he can do it, but he has to report it.

01:05:12.000 Then they take his blood test, all this other crap.

01:05:16.000 Did that Hell's Angel guy get sussed out by a dude?

01:05:21.000 He never came.

01:05:23.000 No one believed him.

01:05:24.000 Jay Dobbins?

01:05:25.000 Is that the undercover guy?

01:05:28.000 Well, yeah, they were.

01:05:29.000 I saw this on Gangland.

01:05:30.000 They had some Hell's Angel, or maybe it was a different gang.

01:05:33.000 And he's like, I knew that guy was full of shit.

01:05:35.000 I told him I was going to kill him.

01:05:37.000 He was shitting his pants.

01:05:39.000 And we didn't end up killing him.

01:05:41.000 And I turned out to be right.

01:05:43.000 And we all went to jail.

01:05:46.000 I got to look into this.

01:05:47.000 I think that was the one Vargos and a guy named something, what's his name, Falcone.

01:05:56.000 He infiltrated the Mongols, the Vagos, and the Outlaws.

01:06:02.000 So meanwhile, you've abandoned your family.

01:06:04.000 You don't spend any time with your son.

01:06:06.000 You're infiltrating all these biker gangs.

01:06:08.000 I think they got one murder for that guy's entire career, which was some dude who picked a fight with the Mongols.

01:06:15.000 Well, that was Billy Queen.

01:06:16.000 Yeah, what do you think was going to happen when you picked a fight with the Mongols?

01:06:19.000 Was it going to go great for you?

01:06:22.000 So that's what my tax dollars are going to?

01:06:25.000 No.

01:06:26.000 Society's not better off.

01:06:28.000 You should have been with your son, fuckface.

01:06:32.000 That's going to the undercover cop, of course.

01:06:35.000 So it's a myth that you can say, are you in law enforcement?

01:06:39.000 And they have to, by law, say, fuck, yes.

01:06:42.000 No, that's a lie.

01:06:44.000 That's a lie.

01:06:44.000 And also, if you do a bump, then I know you're not a Fed.

01:06:48.000 No, they'll do a bump.

01:06:50.000 If they feel, like, you can play, I don't party, and if somebody's challenging or someone pulls a gun out and says, if you don't fucking do a bump, I'm going to fucking blow your brains out.

01:06:57.000 Or, you know, if they feel that their life and limb is in danger, they can do it.

01:07:02.000 But you could still argue that I had to do a bump at this party because it would have ruined my whole case if I didn't.

01:07:08.000 I'm not sure exactly how that is.

01:07:13.000 I tell you what, I sure would love to be an undercover Fed, infiltrate a biker gang, and then after five years, have my boss go, dude, what is going on?

01:07:26.000 I'm this close.

01:07:27.000 Well, that's what they were trying to say with the guy, Jay Dobbins, that he started, I guess, enjoying the lifestyle.

01:07:35.000 Oh, that's what happened with Jay Dobbins?

01:07:37.000 Yeah.

01:07:38.000 Yeah.

01:07:39.000 Makes sense to me.

01:07:40.000 We always joked about that.

01:07:42.000 Not that Prow Boys are in the same league as Hell's Angels, but we always joked about that with Proud Boys.

01:07:46.000 We'd be like, if you're a Fed and you're meeting these guys at a bar doing bumps, fucking telling dirty jokes once a month, zero discussion of fucking anything of importance.

01:07:58.000 There's no like kidnapping Governor Whitmer going on.

01:08:02.000 You must be like, I need a little more time.

01:08:06.000 I'm this close.

01:08:08.000 I need to do more bumps and suck more tits.

01:08:12.000 Well, you have to party harder to find what's really going on.

01:08:17.000 Isn't that what Weddie Bulger did?

01:08:18.000 He just kept, well, that's different.

01:08:20.000 He was already a gangster and he just like strung along.

01:08:23.000 Well, he grew up with this guy that was like a big wig in the FBI.

01:08:26.000 Right.

01:08:26.000 That was like his neighborhood guy.

01:08:28.000 And his brother was like the attorney general for Massachusetts.

01:08:31.000 Yeah.

01:08:32.000 I saw the movie.

01:08:34.000 Dogs.

01:08:35.000 Hey, Gavin, Maddie, Fag Dad.

01:08:40.000 On 10 Things You Hate, you said you hate when people order water.

01:08:44.000 I didn't finish the Fag Dad thing, but I don't have to tell a story, but I was on Fox News, apparently.

01:08:48.000 This is me getting arrested.

01:08:50.000 Oh, there we are.

01:08:51.000 Yeah.

01:08:51.000 God, you look so young there.

01:08:54.000 I was.

01:08:54.000 That's before, you know, became that was like six years ago.

01:08:59.000 I believe it's four.

01:09:00.000 I went and did a talk at NYU, and people brought signs that said Black Lives Matter.

01:09:05.000 What the fuck?

01:09:06.000 What are you talking about?

01:09:08.000 There's Ryan getting arrested.

01:09:10.000 Oh, so, oh, yeah.

01:09:11.000 Finish the story.

01:09:12.000 So there was two Proud Boys and eight Antifa that were arrested for that, right?

01:09:17.000 Why don't you finish the story while I get a beer?

01:09:19.000 Yes.

01:09:19.000 True.

01:09:20.000 So I wave to my buddies across the street.

01:09:23.000 Antifa guy points me out.

01:09:24.000 He says, we have one over here.

01:09:26.000 He tells me to say Black Lives Matter if I'm not a racist.

01:09:28.000 And there's a black woman there next to us.

01:09:30.000 And I was like, Black Lives Matter.

01:09:33.000 Because before it was like the most political thing where you would take a stance against it and be like, no, fuck you.

01:09:39.000 So I said it.

01:09:41.000 And then he gets the attention of the black woman there.

01:09:46.000 He's like, hey, this guy's a racist.

01:09:49.000 And she was like, shut the fuck up.

01:09:51.000 And she just like blew him off.

01:09:53.000 And he was hurt by that.

01:09:54.000 So anyway, now I'm just trying to like get away from the barricade and go over across the street to my buddies.

01:10:00.000 And he waves up, he waves a couple of his friends over, and they all kind of just like human wall me to the brick wall.

01:10:08.000 And then, you know, they do a couple of things.

01:10:11.000 He tries to like smash my head against the brick wall.

01:10:13.000 He tries to sucker punch me like this or like that.

01:10:16.000 Like he hits me.

01:10:18.000 And I'm trying to keep my cool.

01:10:19.000 My adrenaline is rushing, so my voice is a little like, I'm like, I was like, whatever.

01:10:23.000 I'm out of here.

01:10:24.000 Whatever.

01:10:25.000 Yeah.

01:10:25.000 And I just try to leave and I'm like, oh, fuck.

01:10:27.000 Like, this is getting really intense.

01:10:29.000 And I'm starting to walk towards across the street.

01:10:32.000 And then this guy gets in front of me.

01:10:34.000 And the Antifa guy gets right in my face.

01:10:36.000 So I just push him out of the way.

01:10:38.000 And then I get sucker punched.

01:10:40.000 So then I punch him with the guy.

01:10:42.000 I forget when the sucker punch happened, but I punched the guy in front of me, turned around, punched the tall Viking guy.

01:10:47.000 That's what the cops saw.

01:10:48.000 The cops only saw me punching people.

01:10:50.000 They didn't see what they did to me.

01:10:51.000 So I was the only one that got arrested out of that.

01:10:54.000 He's standing over there looking at the ground, kicking rocks.

01:10:56.000 Like he's like, I'm okay.

01:10:58.000 They're like, do you want to go to the hospital?

01:10:59.000 He's like, I'm okay.

01:11:00.000 We get locked up in this paddy wagon, and Sal's been there for hours.

01:11:04.000 He looks like he's kind of delusional by the time I get in there because he's been locked up so long in this paddy wagon.

01:11:12.000 And we're locked up with Antifa.

01:11:13.000 So it's me, Sal, and this one Antifa guy.

01:11:16.000 We wound up going into the same jail cell.

01:11:18.000 Oh, wait a minute.

01:11:19.000 First, he's cool.

01:11:20.000 The newspapers said two Proud Boys were arrested, which was you and Sal, and eight or nine different people.

01:11:26.000 They do different trips.

01:11:27.000 They do different trips.

01:11:28.000 They do different trips.

01:11:28.000 So like in this paddy wagon, it was literally just me, Sal, maybe two Antifa, but at the end of the night, which is me, Sal, and that Antifa kid.

01:11:37.000 And we're actually like getting out.

01:11:39.000 We're actually kind of...

01:11:40.000 one of them escaped from the paddy wagon?

01:11:41.000 They might have put him in a different cell or something.

01:11:43.000 Oh, a different cell.

01:11:44.000 So you've already done the drive to the tombs or the 19th precinct or whatever it is.

01:11:49.000 Yeah, it was near the Brooklyn Bridge or something like that.

01:11:51.000 That's the tombs.

01:11:53.000 Yeah.

01:11:53.000 Oh, really?

01:11:53.000 Oh, damn.

01:11:54.000 We're in just a precinct.

01:11:56.000 Just the holding cells.

01:11:57.000 Okay.

01:11:57.000 So there's a Middle Eastern Antifa kid, and like I said, we're getting along.

01:12:03.000 And then we said a joke, like a kind of off-color joke, edgy joke.

01:12:07.000 And he was like, excuse me, can I get moved to a different cell?

01:12:12.000 And now...

01:12:12.000 But we were just like kind of getting along for a second.

01:12:14.000 We're like, yeah, fuck the government.

01:12:17.000 We're about that too.

01:12:18.000 We're about small government and just freedom and shit.

01:12:21.000 And so we're kind of getting along.

01:12:22.000 And then he fucking, because of one joke, he decides to leave.

01:12:25.000 So we're like, oh, come on.

01:12:27.000 Well, it's probably used to term sand niggers.

01:12:29.000 We didn't say anything about his Middle Easternness until he left us.

01:12:33.000 You have a tattoo that says sand niggers on your chest.

01:12:36.000 But I didn't show.

01:12:37.000 I did have my shirt off, yeah.

01:12:38.000 But I tried not to turn towards him.

01:12:40.000 I guess you saw it.

01:12:40.000 Anyway, so as he's leaving, we're like, oh, come on, Fag Dad.

01:12:43.000 We call him Fag Dad.

01:12:45.000 Why?

01:12:46.000 It was the funniest thing when you're in the middle of the day.

01:12:47.000 Which is funny.

01:12:47.000 I'm not denying that.

01:12:48.000 But what brought on Daddy?

01:12:50.000 Middle Eastern Baghdad?

01:12:53.000 Oh, Fag Dad.

01:12:54.000 I got you.

01:12:54.000 Yeah, yeah, great.

01:12:55.000 He might have been from Baghdad.

01:12:56.000 I don't know.

01:12:56.000 Quality joke.

01:12:57.000 We call him Fag Dad.

01:12:59.000 What I always tell my kids, when you're insulting someone, if someone's picking on you in school, don't be creative.

01:13:06.000 Just say, fuck you or Fag Dad.

01:13:11.000 You're not trying to win some sort of limerick argument.

01:13:14.000 Just be a dick.

01:13:16.000 Yeah.

01:13:16.000 They're fucking with you.

01:13:17.000 Fuck with them back.

01:13:19.000 I learned something weird about Sal that night.

01:13:22.000 Have you ever seen a person that just peels their nails off?

01:13:26.000 Instead of like biting their nails, he just works a little groove in and then he just peels the nail off.

01:13:31.000 I think that's a sign that we're letting this story go too long.

01:13:34.000 I see.

01:13:35.000 When we're hearing about his cuticle patterns.

01:13:37.000 Okay.

01:13:38.000 So back to this original email that started this whole discussion.

01:13:45.000 You hate it when people order water at a restaurant and don't drink it.

01:13:48.000 Well, I'm a server bartender and I hate when tables order waters for no reason as well.

01:13:53.000 But the thing that pisses me off the most is when people bring their dirty ass dogs in with them to eat.

01:13:59.000 Thoughts on that?

01:14:00.000 Yeah, dude.

01:14:01.000 It's unacceptable.

01:14:04.000 Don't bring your fucking disgusting dog to the bar.

01:14:08.000 It's illegal in New York, but they do it all the time.

01:14:11.000 One time I was at St. Dymphness on St. Mark's Place in Manhattan, and I brought my dad, which was a mistake.

01:14:20.000 And the thing about my dad is he gets some beers in him in Manhattan and he wants to fucking brawl, which is like, dad, you're 75.

01:14:29.000 Those days are gone.

01:14:30.000 Stop getting ornery with the public.

01:14:32.000 Plus, we're in New York, and the odds are one and two, you're dealing with an asshole, like a psychotic asshole is going to kill you.

01:14:41.000 So there was, we're walking out of St. Diffnus, and there's someone there with their lab, some yuppy piece of shit, whatever.

01:14:47.000 No one that's going to hurt our family.

01:14:50.000 And my dad, I go like, okay, so we should probably go to this bar here.

01:14:53.000 There's a bar called Cheap Shots around the corner.

01:14:55.000 It's cheap and it has shots.

01:14:57.000 And he's like, hold on a minute.

01:14:59.000 And he goes back into the bar.

01:15:01.000 He's like, see you people with your fucking dog.

01:15:05.000 It's disgusting.

01:15:07.000 This is a restaurant.

01:15:08.000 People are eating in here.

01:15:10.000 And you've got your fucking dog.

01:15:12.000 And I have to grab him and go, all right, all right, all right.

01:15:15.000 You know, we're living in a society.

01:15:18.000 So he does that.

01:15:20.000 And I've told this story before, but I feel compelled to tell it again.

01:15:25.000 My brother told me recently.

01:15:27.000 Yeah, I'm repeating a story, okay, assholes.

01:15:30.000 You're allowed to do that when you're a 51-year-old dad.

01:15:33.000 We repeat stories.

01:15:35.000 So my dad, you know how a little doggy has a little bow here with the hair?

01:15:40.000 So he sees one sitting in a baby seat and he's disgusted.

01:15:46.000 He's with my brother and he goes, oh, for fuck's sake, they got a bloody Doug in a fucking baby seat.

01:15:53.000 That's disgusting, ridiculous.

01:15:56.000 So he goes over to the manager and he's like, there's a fucking dog.

01:15:59.000 He knows not to say Doug when he speaks to locals.

01:16:02.000 There's a fucking dog in a baby seat over there.

01:16:07.000 And the manager goes, that's totally unacceptable.

01:16:10.000 And we would never allow that in our restaurant.

01:16:12.000 So let's go over there together right now because I don't want those people coming back.

01:16:18.000 This is not a dog restaurant.

01:16:20.000 I hate that kind of shit too, dude.

01:16:23.000 So he goes, show me.

01:16:26.000 And he goes, over there.

01:16:28.000 And the manager goes, I'm sorry, I don't see it.

01:16:32.000 So my dad walks over to the baby seat and goes, and there is a one-year-old female child with a ribbon in her hair with her hair like this.

01:16:47.000 I don't know if he doesn't have his fucking glasses on.

01:16:50.000 She's just a wean.

01:16:51.000 Leave her alone.

01:16:52.000 She's only a wean.

01:16:55.000 Yeah, we wean as having a bat of fucking mac and cheese.

01:16:59.000 And the manager is like, and then he looks down and sees its child and he just storms out of the restaurant.

01:17:08.000 Doesn't matter.

01:17:09.000 Sometimes the complaints will be false.

01:17:13.000 But yeah, dogs in a restaurant are fucking gross.

01:17:17.000 Stop doing that.

01:17:18.000 I hate your dog.

01:17:20.000 We're going to lose subscribers now.

01:17:21.000 There's this dog park in Westchester that everyone goes to by Rye Playground.

01:17:26.000 And you go there and the dogs are running around, which is fine.

01:17:30.000 What the fuck ever.

01:17:32.000 But then they come over to you and they're like sniffing your balls and trying to eat your kids' sandwich.

01:17:38.000 And then you look over at the owner and he's going like you're going to go, he's up to his old tricks again.

01:17:46.000 And the owner's going to go, he's very curious.

01:17:51.000 Fuck you.

01:17:52.000 Pull up the Tucker Carlson clip.

01:17:56.000 I don't like you.

01:17:57.000 I don't give a fuck about your dog.

01:17:59.000 You want to lay down?

01:18:00.000 How about you lay down, kiddo?

01:18:02.000 Yeah, go ahead and lay down.

01:18:07.000 Yeah, go ahead.

01:18:08.000 Bro, are you good?

01:18:10.000 That's not funny to me.

01:18:11.000 Why'd you pull that up?

01:18:13.000 Fuck you.

01:18:15.000 I hate you.

01:18:16.000 Yeah, that's it.

01:18:18.000 Can you get a tattoo of a video?

01:18:21.000 Not yet.

01:18:23.000 Just like 37 little clips of fuck you.

01:18:25.000 Wait, that's hilarious.

01:18:26.000 I hate you.

01:18:27.000 Actually, yes, now I say you can.

01:18:32.000 Yeah, don't bring your dog to eat at the fucking restaurant.

01:18:35.000 Wait, there was another store with my dad attacking somebody.

01:18:38.000 My service dog.

01:18:40.000 Service dogs.

01:18:41.000 Remember that?

01:18:41.000 That seems to be dying a little bit.

01:18:43.000 Thank God.

01:18:45.000 Hey, I love dogs.

01:18:46.000 They were bringing their fucking dogs on the plane.

01:18:50.000 Every single person.

01:18:51.000 One time I got on a plane and I saw in first class there was some hairdresser and he had two long wiener dogs at his feet.

01:19:00.000 And then I went into coach because I wasn't with my family and I'm cheap.

01:19:05.000 And I see him going, and he's walking back with us, the plebs, with two wiener dogs in their little cases.

01:19:13.000 Someone had sat down next to him and the stewardess had said, I hope you don't mind.

01:19:17.000 There's two dogs there.

01:19:18.000 And she went, actually, I'm allergic.

01:19:21.000 So he had to give up his first-class seat and come and sit with us with two dogs on his fucking lap.

01:19:27.000 Good.

01:19:31.000 Woke racist Virginia Governor defends push to make VMI more inclusive to speech in speech to cadets.

01:19:41.000 What's going on here now?

01:19:43.000 Virginia Governor Ralph Northam on Monday defended his push to make the Virginia Military Institute more inclusive in a speech to the cadets.

01:19:50.000 In a speech, he honored the Institute's leaders, blah, blah, blah, and said we need to embrace change and sustain the Institute for the long term.

01:19:59.000 Blah, blah, blah.

01:20:00.000 Dude, don't just send me a fucking article, you cunt.

01:20:03.000 Fuck you.

01:20:05.000 Fuck you.

01:20:06.000 I hate you.

01:20:11.000 Can you bring back the Book of the Day segment?

01:20:13.000 Yes.

01:20:14.000 I have been rebuilding my entire library with a very involved ladder system that has a bar on it.

01:20:24.000 And all my books are in boxes.

01:20:25.000 I will be bringing back the Book of the Day segment.

01:20:28.000 You know what I was thinking recently, Ryan?

01:20:30.000 That stupid kid's book for retarded losers that you were reading?

01:20:34.000 Yes, I have the physical copy.

01:20:36.000 I want to give that to my son.

01:20:39.000 He's not reading.

01:20:40.000 He's addicted to his fucking phone.

01:20:42.000 Guys, we need to get off our fucking phones.

01:20:46.000 I ordered a BLT this morning, and my brother said to me, he goes, I quit Instagram, I quit everything.

01:20:53.000 He goes, I read books now like it's watching TV, like my attention span goes on for days.

01:20:58.000 Back when I was on Instagram and Twitter, I couldn't read more than a paragraph without spacing out.

01:21:05.000 I had crippled my attention span, and now I can hunt.

01:21:09.000 He hunts deer, and he'll just sit in a tree for like seven hours with nothing at all.

01:21:14.000 Just damn.

01:21:23.000 And I said, dude, you're right.

01:21:25.000 Because he's me.

01:21:26.000 When you're talking to your brother, you're talking to old you or young you.

01:21:29.000 So I'm talking to young me, and I'm like, he's so fucking right.

01:21:32.000 So I ordered the BLT this morning, and I was like, don't look at your phone, don't look at your phone, don't look at your phone.

01:21:37.000 And it was like not sucking Brad Pitt's dick.

01:21:42.000 It was the hardest thing I've ever done.

01:21:46.000 Like I could feel the phone burning a hole in my ass.

01:21:50.000 And I was like, it was, it was, this is going to sound gayer than the Brad Pitt joke.

01:21:55.000 Dude, it was like lifting weights.

01:21:57.000 I'm sorry to say that.

01:21:59.000 I'm sorry to use that analogy, but I was like, don't do it, don't do it, don't fucking, not gonna look at my phone, not gonna look at my phone.

01:22:08.000 I've even noticed like with us, like friends, one guy will go piss, and the second he gets up, the other guy's like, oh, thank God I can get back to this.

01:22:19.000 And you're looking at shit.

01:22:20.000 You're looking at garbage.

01:22:21.000 You're not looking at like...

01:22:23.000 There was a bombing and New York City is on fire.

01:22:27.000 After the nuclear attack of New York City, there's nothing there.

01:22:33.000 It's like, still no verdict on Rittenhouse, still no verdict on Bannon, still no progress on this.

01:22:39.000 You checked me an hour ago.

01:22:41.000 I have nothing new to say.

01:22:43.000 Oh, Mad Ball's on fucking Hardball.

01:22:46.000 I mean, Twitter.

01:22:47.000 Do you want to follow them?

01:22:48.000 Like, stop.

01:22:50.000 And I'm screaming at you, but I'm screaming at me.

01:22:54.000 We need to try to get...

01:22:57.000 I'm embarrassed to admit this, but when I get my data report, it goes, you were down 18% this week.

01:23:06.000 You're down to three and a half hours a day.

01:23:11.000 Three and a half hours a day?

01:23:13.000 I watched Star Wars twice every fucking day this week.

01:23:17.000 That's embarrassing.

01:23:20.000 That's not good.

01:23:21.000 That's like saying you jerked off three times a day.

01:23:25.000 Every hour on your phone is a wank.

01:23:29.000 Let's try to get our phones.

01:23:31.000 Let's all collectively agree to try to get our phone use down to an hour a day.

01:23:35.000 And then I always use this cop-out, even to my kids.

01:23:38.000 I go, I need it for my job.

01:23:41.000 See, what I do is I talk about the news.

01:23:43.000 So I need to check Twitter and Instagram regularly.

01:23:47.000 So I have shit to talk about.

01:23:49.000 Bullshit.

01:23:50.000 I am only able to tackle maybe on a two-hour show, 20 newsbytes.

01:23:56.000 Inevitably, when I do my collection of news shit, I have 60.

01:24:03.000 I have way too much because I'm spending way too much fucking time on this shit.

01:24:07.000 Just fucking sitting there watching like girls dancing.

01:24:11.000 Like, what are you doing?

01:24:12.000 Is this Bill Burr?

01:24:14.000 Bill Burr.

01:24:15.000 You're just like on your phone looking at like girls practicing dancing?

01:24:20.000 It's like, dude, who cares?

01:24:22.000 You're right.

01:24:23.000 You're so right.

01:24:24.000 I gotta say, though, Bill, you used to be the funny, like, man of the people.

01:24:29.000 And when I say man, I mean, representing men.

01:24:31.000 And then you married that black chick, and now all you do is shit on white women.

01:24:35.000 You sound like a vessel for your disgruntled bitch black wife.

01:24:44.000 Are you listening to me?

01:24:45.000 What's up, dude?

01:24:48.000 And you're also on your phone too much.

01:24:50.000 No, dude.

01:24:51.000 It's just watching girls practicing dancing.

01:24:54.000 You know?

01:24:55.000 Okay.

01:24:56.000 Here's an article about Bill Burr.

01:24:59.000 I mean, a letter.

01:25:00.000 I found it odd that you make fun of Bill Burr as often as you do.

01:25:03.000 I don't think he's the person you claim.

01:25:05.000 See Link.

01:25:07.000 Then he sends a link.

01:25:09.000 Pancakes.

01:25:10.000 Where are you?

01:25:11.000 And it's called...

01:25:12.000 All the way at the top now?

01:25:13.000 No, I'm back to Bill Burr.

01:25:15.000 The subject is Bill Burr, 9.32 p.m.

01:25:17.000 Burr.

01:25:18.000 Got it.

01:25:20.000 Let's see what he's got to say.

01:25:23.000 Probably something brutal.

01:25:25.000 You know?

01:25:26.000 Pancakes.

01:25:27.000 It's exciting for people to get upset about things, though.

01:25:29.000 It's exciting to them.

01:25:30.000 I think it feels like you feel like you are saying something significant.

01:25:36.000 I mean, I guess in a lot of ways it is virtue signaling.

01:25:38.000 So it's saying like, I'm in the right.

01:25:41.000 Because people like to point and go, see, that's wrong.

01:25:45.000 It's a new white job.

01:25:47.000 Showing people what's wrong.

01:25:48.000 Virtue signaling.

01:25:49.000 Yeah.

01:25:49.000 It's such bullshit.

01:25:50.000 And then they sit there and they actually like, how do I, they're using oppressed people to show how great they are, how great, how much I care.

01:26:01.000 No, that's the same guy.

01:26:02.000 That's the same fucking guy.

01:26:05.000 And I resent his implication that virtue signaling is a white thing.

01:26:08.000 Blacks do it differently than us.

01:26:11.000 They do like white griping or something, bitching about racism and everything.

01:26:16.000 But yes, whites maybe own virtue signaling, but blacks do the same shit.

01:26:24.000 It's more like virtue condemning, talking about how horrible white people are and all the terrible things they've done.

01:26:30.000 It's the same shit.

01:26:32.000 This is Bill calling the kettle black.

01:26:33.000 Like he's got a locked in, you know, white knighting.

01:26:38.000 Not not white knight.

01:26:39.000 You know the thing, man.

01:26:40.000 Because he's real and genuine.

01:26:42.000 No, no, no, not white knight.

01:26:44.000 He's calling the kettle his wife, but he's got a real black wife.

01:26:47.000 So he's actually, he's not virtue signaling.

01:26:49.000 This is his life.

01:26:50.000 But when people do it, it's fake.

01:26:52.000 I got to say, even with Proud Boys, the white dudes that had black wives, which was a lot, by the way.

01:26:58.000 Drew that.

01:26:59.000 Disproportionate amount.

01:27:00.000 They would be the ones who'd be like, yeah, well, it's Nigger Fridays.

01:27:04.000 And I'd be like, it's a Tuesday, dude.

01:27:07.000 This is a new bar.

01:27:08.000 They just let us have meetups here.

01:27:09.000 Can you stop it with that?

01:27:11.000 Why?

01:27:11.000 Because the niggers are going to get mad.

01:27:13.000 And I'd be like, they got like, Bill is sitting there gleefully in a get-out-of-jail free card.

01:27:22.000 He's got his fucking white privilege card.

01:27:24.000 I got it here.

01:27:25.000 I have mine.

01:27:26.000 Sam Hyde calls it El Classico when you marry black.

01:27:32.000 El Classico.

01:27:33.000 Sam Hyde is so fucking funny.

01:27:35.000 Why isn't he more in our lives?

01:27:37.000 Let's drive to.

01:27:38.000 Okay, go back to that Bill Burr thing, and I'm going to go piss.

01:27:41.000 None of them are involved.

01:27:42.000 No.

01:27:43.000 Just sitting around tweeting and blah, blah, blah is, you know.

01:27:47.000 It's not a contribution.

01:27:48.000 It's barely more of a contribution than what I'm doing, and I'm not doing anything.

01:27:51.000 Right, right.

01:27:52.000 You know, I know.

01:27:53.000 I care.

01:27:54.000 Sniffle emoji.

01:27:56.000 Send.

01:27:57.000 I have to live with one.

01:27:59.000 Wow.

01:28:00.000 That was so brave.

01:28:01.000 Yeah.

01:28:02.000 Thank you for being an ally.

01:28:03.000 And people go like, thank you for being an ally.

01:28:05.000 Do you know what it's like to share a shower with a black woman?

01:28:08.000 I think that they.

01:28:09.000 It's way harder than tweeting, dude.

01:28:12.000 The fucking drain gets like all whatever, dude.

01:28:15.000 Sniffle emoji.

01:28:16.000 Yeah, sniffles, sniffles.

01:28:18.000 You know.

01:28:19.000 I thought that all that bullshit, that shit with...

01:28:24.000 I'm not, just listen, not name names.

01:28:26.000 Yeah.

01:28:26.000 There was a certain guy.

01:28:27.000 He booked a comedy festival.

01:28:29.000 You ever take a piss after your black wife takes a shit?

01:28:32.000 I don't want to hear you tweeting about like, oh, Black Lives Matter.

01:28:35.000 It's like, go share a bathroom with one of them.

01:28:38.000 And did something he shouldn't have done.

01:28:41.000 He was 100% in the wrong.

01:28:42.000 But the people that should have been offended.

01:28:44.000 It was being racist.

01:28:46.000 Or whatever, from what I heard.

01:28:48.000 And then it was just a bunch of bitter comics because they didn't get into the festival.

01:28:53.000 Not one of them said, oh, I can't believe you used that word.

01:28:57.000 That's so painful to this other group of people.

01:29:00.000 Every one of their tweets was about themselves.

01:29:02.000 Painful to that other group of people.

01:29:19.000 Indian Joker.

01:29:20.000 I actually wasn't doing the smile at the beginning.

01:29:22.000 I don't know what I was doing.

01:29:23.000 I think it was like...

01:29:26.000 Let's take a look at it.

01:29:28.000 Bill Burr can go fuck himself, you fucking virtue signaling cunt.

01:29:32.000 And I don't mind virtue signaling cunts.

01:29:35.000 I just hate hypocrites and backstabbers.

01:29:41.000 Like, Bill Burr was the guy.

01:29:43.000 What?

01:29:43.000 You're talking about fucking being a mom's the hardest job in the world?

01:29:47.000 Try being a red-headed roofer in Boston in the summer.

01:29:50.000 And we're like, oh, okay, so you're one of us.

01:29:52.000 You're like a hardworking dude who's sick of hearing fucking women bitch about how their easy life is so hard.

01:30:00.000 Then he marries a black woman.

01:30:01.000 He's like, fucking white woman.

01:30:03.000 They got to stop fucking oppressing black people.

01:30:06.000 You know, rise up, Uhuru.

01:30:09.000 And you're like, what the fuck?

01:30:10.000 You got to that level and then you became a cuck.

01:30:13.000 Just like, look at the Mandalorian, the fucking MMA bitch, bitch, awesome woman, who said, the way they're persecuting conservatives seems like the way they would persecute Jews in World War II.

01:30:26.000 Oh, so you're a Nazi?

01:30:28.000 No, no, no.

01:30:29.000 I'm saying the opposite.

01:30:30.000 You're canceled.

01:30:31.000 And Bill Burr is like, oh, I fucking hate Nazis.

01:30:34.000 Don't cancel me.

01:30:36.000 And he survives.

01:30:37.000 So he's a pussy.

01:30:39.000 Like Amy Schumer, who was on Red Eye and Fox News all the time.

01:30:43.000 She cut her jib on Anthony and Opie and Anthony, being like a pro-working class, you know, sorry, but white male demographic.

01:30:54.000 And then she got popular and went, I was kidding.

01:30:58.000 Even the Beastie Boys, they fucking cut their chops on license to ill, being like, oh, love fucking ditch.

01:31:06.000 Go make a sandwich, girls, girls, girls, girls.

01:31:09.000 And then they go, they get famous and they go, free Tibet.

01:31:12.000 We were just kidding.

01:31:14.000 We needed to get in the door.

01:31:16.000 And now that we're in the door, fuck all those jerks.

01:31:20.000 We paid your bills, bitches.

01:31:22.000 We paid Bill Burr's bitches.

01:31:24.000 I mean, bills.

01:31:27.000 We paid Bill's bills.

01:31:45.000 That was good.

01:31:46.000 Outstanding.

01:31:48.000 That was fun, but it never said, let's start the show.

01:31:53.000 You know what I want?

01:31:54.000 If you could be like, let's start the show.

01:31:57.000 Okay, ready?

01:31:58.000 That'll be the...

01:31:59.000 Let's start the show.

01:32:10.000 Look at your stupid angel face.

01:32:14.000 Whatever, dude.

01:32:16.000 My face rules.

01:32:18.000 And yours drools.

01:32:20.000 No wonder we treated the coolies like shit.

01:32:23.000 Those are annoying.

01:32:24.000 Who the coolies is?

01:32:25.000 Those are the chinks that made the railroads.

01:32:28.000 Chinks and man the railroad.

01:32:30.000 I want to be a history prof. All right, guys.

01:32:34.000 Have you got it?

01:32:34.000 Sorry, I'm late.

01:32:36.000 I appreciate you sticking around.

01:32:38.000 Last night was insane.

01:32:41.000 But today we're going to talk about the coolies.

01:32:43.000 We're going to talk about the coolies.

01:32:44.000 They're the chinks that made the railroads.

01:32:48.000 And first question goes to you.

01:32:51.000 Who fucked them?

01:32:54.000 Actually, that's a true question I have.

01:32:57.000 The coolies.

01:32:58.000 Like, did they go without sex for 20 years?

01:33:02.000 Who fucked them?

01:33:03.000 Did they let them out of the tunnels they were digging?

01:33:05.000 Well, they built the railroads, right?

01:33:09.000 Were they in tunnels?

01:33:11.000 A lot of Chinese miners and railroads as they were going west.

01:33:14.000 Really?

01:33:15.000 Oh, yeah.

01:33:16.000 So they weren't exactly drowning in Poon.

01:33:19.000 No.

01:33:20.000 I would imagine lots of these coolies never had sex ever.

01:33:27.000 Most of them were slightly.

01:33:28.000 They didn't have to deal with the pussies and tits because they had to build the railroads.

01:33:32.000 They had to band a prune, if they did.

01:33:33.000 They had a band of Bundy.

01:33:34.000 They had a band of prune.

01:33:37.000 They couldn't indulge in the myths of the pussies.

01:33:41.000 We grew up in a society that we did not have to deal with the pussies because we had to bear the problem.

01:33:46.000 Exactly.

01:33:50.000 Don't get me fired.

01:33:52.000 Don't touch my shoulder like a human pro.

01:33:54.000 Go ahead on any tirade that you feel mildly induced to do.

01:34:03.000 Whatever tickles your fancy, Eddie, don't fucking get me canceled.

01:34:08.000 Oh, should I turn on my mic?

01:34:09.000 Yes.

01:34:10.000 Gentlemen, start your Michaels.

01:34:14.000 America is not unique in its crime.

01:34:17.000 If we are going to get past this.

01:34:20.000 You are on the air.

01:34:22.000 We'll have a conversation.

01:34:24.000 This is a fucking loser.

01:34:26.000 You want me to learn, share, listen, understand why.

01:34:29.000 Hey, why does everyone get two things?

01:34:31.000 You have one thing.

01:34:32.000 Thank you for calling.

01:34:33.000 It was great hearing from you.

01:34:34.000 Bye-bye.

01:34:35.000 All right, next call.

01:34:37.000 I bet people are triggered here.

01:34:38.000 America is not unique in its crimes.

01:34:40.000 It's not unique in its crimes.

01:34:42.000 Really?

01:34:42.000 There was other countries that were racist?

01:34:45.000 Well, what makes America unique?

01:34:48.000 They are unique in their inability to recognize their sins.

01:34:53.000 Ah.

01:34:54.000 Well, they have systemic racism.

01:34:55.000 Meanwhile, that's such fucking horseshit.

01:34:58.000 Like, there was 10 million slaves exported from Africa.

01:35:01.000 America got 300,000.

01:35:04.000 Brazil got 3 million.

01:35:06.000 Yeah, America is unique in that they self-flagellate for their slavery, while Brazil is like, whatever.

01:35:14.000 We had a few Negroes come by.

01:35:17.000 Just a few.

01:35:19.000 Like, who else is constantly whining about their horrible sins from that 10 million?

01:35:25.000 Portugal?

01:35:26.000 Are they apologizing all the time?

01:35:28.000 No.

01:35:28.000 Is there a fucking Black Lives Matter movement in Portugal?

01:35:32.000 Fucking quiz!

01:35:34.000 Maybe.

01:35:37.000 In the sense that...

01:35:39.000 Okay, we got...

01:35:40.000 Hey, T. Tick Chris' story.

01:35:44.000 Yo.

01:35:45.000 Yo, I'm going to.

01:35:48.000 All right, so I got a funny story about something that happened to me on Monday.

01:35:52.000 So I live in Vegas, and I go to college out here.

01:35:58.000 And Monday morning, I woke up, and I knew I had class.

01:36:02.000 So I had the greatest freaking idea.

01:36:07.000 So the first class I have is like a Constitution U.S. history course.

01:36:13.000 And it's in a big auditorium.

01:36:17.000 So I sat all the way at the back of the class, and there's probably like 140, 45 people in there.

01:36:27.000 And what I was going to do is answer a question with a drop to see if there were any baby monsters in the class.

01:36:36.000 Like if they reacted all weird to it and like jotted their heads back with their eyes wide open.

01:36:43.000 Wait, hold on a sec.

01:36:44.000 You thought you would answer a question with a drop?

01:36:47.000 Hey.

01:36:47.000 Yeah, with a drop.

01:36:49.000 Okay.

01:36:52.000 How many people are in the class?

01:36:54.000 About 140, 45.

01:36:59.000 Okay.

01:37:00.000 Yeah, it's a really big lecture.

01:37:03.000 So the subject matter was like the Iranian Revolution.

01:37:09.000 So I raised my hand and I asked Professor, so the Soviets, what was like the hallmark of Iran?

01:37:18.000 Like the Soviets have the hammer and sickle.

01:37:21.000 The U.S. has the bird, which is the bald eagle.

01:37:24.000 What was that for like the Iran at the time?

01:37:28.000 So right when I said that, I mean, three freaking heads just snapped back at me.

01:37:33.000 Nice.

01:37:35.000 Dude, their eyes look like dinner plates and their jaws almost grand.

01:37:42.000 And guess who else looked at me the same way?

01:37:45.000 The professor.

01:37:46.000 Ready?

01:37:47.000 The freaking professor, bro.

01:37:50.000 Gavin, Biden might be your pet, but my professor is my baby mobster.

01:37:56.000 There you go.

01:37:57.000 Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.

01:38:00.000 I don't want to give you this.

01:38:02.000 Isn't it possible that the professor stared at you because he saw everyone else look at you and he thought this could be some sort of like white power secret message?

01:38:13.000 Like, I'm not willing to give you that the professor was a baby monster.

01:38:18.000 No, no.

01:38:19.000 It was only three people that looked at me that way.

01:38:22.000 I know that because I talked to them after class because it was obvious.

01:38:27.000 But wait, you said the professor looked at you weird too.

01:38:30.000 You're dropping that?

01:38:31.000 Yeah, along with those three people.

01:38:33.000 So was the professor a baby monster?

01:38:37.000 I didn't ask him.

01:38:39.000 Like, I'm like 92% sure he's definitely a baby monster, but I was just so 92% definitely.

01:38:47.000 Yeah, like I mean, what did they say?

01:38:56.000 They were like, holy crap, that was freaking hilarious.

01:38:59.000 And we chopped it up after class for like a good 20 minutes.

01:39:05.000 All right.

01:39:05.000 Well, thanks for calling.

01:39:06.000 That was fun.

01:39:07.000 Bye.

01:39:08.000 That rules.

01:39:09.000 It's so weird doing these calls when you meet someone with a lot in common with you and you're like, we should be friends.

01:39:14.000 And you're like, bye.

01:39:17.000 It's kind of like being in Motley Crew.

01:39:20.000 Like, you get a blowjob and you're like, bye.

01:39:22.000 See you later.

01:39:23.000 Gotta go.

01:39:24.000 Later.

01:39:24.000 Next.

01:39:26.000 We had a good run.

01:39:28.000 All right, we got Daniel on the line.

01:39:31.000 Go ahead, Daniel.

01:39:33.000 Hi, my name's Daniel.

01:39:35.000 I'm wearing a gray zip-up hoodie with short olive, green shorts, and blue flip-on van.

01:39:44.000 Okay.

01:39:46.000 What are your pronouns?

01:39:49.000 My pronouns are he, him.

01:39:52.000 Okay.

01:39:53.000 Now we can finally start.

01:39:56.000 Okay.

01:39:58.000 Well, I emailed you a video that I posted that was an Instagram story of mine that I was just bullshitting around on.

01:40:08.000 And it was a fake tutorial on how to fix a Casio keyboard.

01:40:15.000 And it's got 51,000 views now.

01:40:19.000 I check it every once in a while.

01:40:20.000 I get funny comments every once in a while.

01:40:23.000 Gavin, I heard you a long time ago say a joke is, you like your jokes to be 80% understood and 20% not.

01:40:33.000 Yes.

01:40:34.000 And I think that this video is a good, it's like my version of that because people message me and say they hate it.

01:40:41.000 People are like, ah, I love it.

01:40:43.000 But it's a minute and 41 seconds long.

01:40:46.000 How to fix the Casio keyboard.

01:40:48.000 It's like the first.

01:40:49.000 I got it.

01:40:50.000 All right, let's do it.

01:40:51.000 Cool.

01:40:51.000 Thanks for calling.

01:40:52.000 Check it out.

01:40:57.000 Okay, so I picked this keyboard up at the thrift store the other day, but it doesn't want a seam to power on.

01:41:06.000 So I'm going to show you guys how to fix a busted keyboard.

01:41:12.000 So first things first, once you unscrew all the screws, you want to make sure you keep them in a place where you won't lose them.

01:41:22.000 Just put them right there for now.

01:41:25.000 Next thing you want to do is bust out your multimeter.

01:41:28.000 If you don't have one, you can pick one up at your local radio shack and just start testing.

01:41:38.000 You know, after a thorough testing, I think I found the culprit.

01:41:47.000 Looks like an alien jerked off on this circuit board here.

01:41:52.000 This is a very common issue, and, you know, you just have to...

01:41:55.000 Well, you kind of ruined it with the alien.

01:41:57.000 That's too much.

01:41:59.000 You know.

01:41:59.000 Oh, and now we've got a lot of people.

01:42:00.000 You're not too much.

01:42:01.000 Oh, now we've got too much.

01:42:03.000 Compassion.

01:42:07.000 That's too much, sir.

01:42:08.000 Too much.

01:42:09.000 You know what that reminds me of?

01:42:10.000 You know what that reminds me of?

01:42:11.000 Okay, you say what it reminds you of.

01:42:14.000 Remember that one thing where it's like how to cook yada dada?

01:42:20.000 And it's like you slap your chicken.

01:42:21.000 You take an ESL class in English.

01:42:25.000 Remember that thing, how to cook, yada yada?

01:42:27.000 Yada yada yada?

01:42:28.000 What?

01:42:31.000 Who are these people?

01:42:34.000 I'll find it.

01:42:38.000 I'll speak English, and I'll tell you what it reminded me of.

01:42:41.000 It was the computer repair guy who snuck a huge pile of beans into a dude's computer.

01:42:50.000 And then he sealed it back up.

01:42:52.000 And then he had the guy call the IT thing.

01:42:56.000 And he showed up and he's like, all right, let's see what's going on here.

01:42:59.000 And then he's like, what the hell?

01:43:01.000 And he finds all these beans in his computer.

01:43:05.000 Oh, my computer here.

01:43:07.000 Find that one.

01:43:09.000 This is the car one.

01:43:12.000 Find the beans one.

01:43:13.000 This is stupid, but okay.

01:43:14.000 He's got beans.

01:43:16.000 He's got beans.

01:43:20.000 Maybe it's the same guys.

01:43:22.000 They're the bean guys.

01:43:29.000 Pallet of bean?

01:43:31.000 Oh, it's a bad one.

01:43:32.000 Imagine you're a dad, you die young at like 58, and you leave your kid like 400 grand.

01:43:40.000 And then from heaven, you're watching him buy pallets of beans into the car.

01:43:49.000 It's hitting the horn.

01:43:51.000 But wait a minute.

01:43:52.000 That's going to hit the gas.

01:43:54.000 Yeah, start the car.

01:43:56.000 You've got to put shit around the gas in the brake.

01:43:58.000 I've never seen this before.

01:44:00.000 Because the whole car is full.

01:44:05.000 Can you get it?

01:44:10.000 He did not react.

01:44:14.000 Yeah, your joke didn't work, dude.

01:44:16.000 It's stupid.

01:44:17.000 Go to the computer, beans.

01:44:21.000 Your dead dad is not happy with your stupid prank.

01:44:23.000 There it is.

01:44:24.000 Oh, my God.

01:44:25.000 Is it the same guys?

01:44:28.000 It is.

01:44:30.000 Vlog creations.

01:44:32.000 Blonde creations?

01:44:34.000 Vlog creations.

01:44:35.000 Vlog creations.

01:44:35.000 This guy's...

01:44:37.000 It's funny because if I watched that first video, I'd go, this guy does not have the sprinkles.

01:44:41.000 But then when I saw the way this went, I went, dude, has the sprinkles.

01:44:45.000 That's why.

01:44:46.000 It smells like a cow.

01:44:47.000 Can you put wet beans in there?

01:44:48.000 That's why it's smoking.

01:44:49.000 Oh, shit.

01:44:50.000 I cannot wait for him to get here.

01:44:51.000 I'm so excited.

01:44:53.000 And I'm going to play like as stupid as possible.

01:45:01.000 Bing bong.

01:45:02.000 Who is it?

01:45:04.000 I just spoke to you.

01:45:05.000 Hey, the guy my brother called to fix the computer.

01:45:07.000 Yes.

01:45:09.000 It was working.

01:45:10.000 It works good.

01:45:11.000 And then, you know.

01:45:12.000 And then it goes to the blue screen.

01:45:13.000 Right.

01:45:14.000 When it's on and it's working, you can do whatever you want to do until the blue screen comes on.

01:45:17.000 Is that what happens?

01:45:18.000 Right.

01:45:18.000 It turns on most of the time, and then maybe five, ten minutes in, it'll go just turn blue.

01:45:24.000 Did I speak to you on the phone or did I speak to someone?

01:45:26.000 My brother.

01:45:26.000 Okay.

01:45:27.000 He said you had like files that are important on here.

01:45:30.000 I mainly use it for video games.

01:45:32.000 So can we turn it on?

01:45:33.000 Yeah, uh-huh.

01:45:34.000 Oh, it's up here.

01:45:35.000 Got it.

01:45:35.000 Because he said it's Windows 7.

01:45:38.000 Windows 7 has been, Microsoft no longer supports it.

01:45:41.000 So what happens...

01:45:42.000 I don't usually have more than three windows up at a time, so that shouldn't be an issue.

01:45:47.000 Well, it actually is an issue within Windows 7.

01:45:51.000 But maybe max, I would have like five windows open.

01:45:55.000 Never six or seven, though.

01:45:58.000 It came on this morning, and then it turned blue, and then it turned off again.

01:46:02.000 Well, did that come out?

01:46:04.000 It must have.

01:46:05.000 How'd that come out?

01:46:05.000 Gucci slides?

01:46:06.000 That's an all.

01:46:07.000 I tried pressing some of the buttons on the back.

01:46:10.000 But the computer's not even turning on and it's plugged in.

01:46:14.000 It comes on sometimes and then just turns off and then sometimes it doesn't come on.

01:46:18.000 Okay.

01:46:21.000 It sounds to me like a power supply unit might have gone bad or something.

01:46:24.000 I don't know what that was.

01:46:25.000 Alright, just give us the fucking punchline, please.

01:46:29.000 What is going on?

01:46:30.000 I'm going to tell him that you're fixing.

01:46:36.000 Oh my gosh.

01:46:38.000 Dude.

01:46:39.000 Power supply.

01:46:40.000 Yeah, he says it's a power.

01:46:42.000 Wait, wait, wait.

01:46:43.000 Come here for a minute.

01:46:44.000 He said it's power.

01:46:45.000 Dude, have you ever opened this computer up before?

01:46:48.000 No.

01:46:48.000 I'm going to open it up and show you something I've never seen before in my life.

01:46:55.000 What?

01:46:56.000 What?

01:46:56.000 What's all this in here?

01:46:57.000 This is not supposed to be inside a computer.

01:47:00.000 This is beans inside.

01:47:02.000 What do you mean?

01:47:03.000 Where did you get this computer from?

01:47:04.000 God for me on Craigslist.

01:47:06.000 I use it a lot.

01:47:07.000 Holy crap.

01:47:08.000 I never had an issue.

01:47:09.000 None of this, these black things, all these...

01:47:11.000 This is like food.

01:47:12.000 It's not like to help the computer stay cool or anything.

01:47:15.000 No, no, no, no, no.

01:47:16.000 Someone sold you something.

01:47:17.000 No, no, no, no, no.

01:47:18.000 These are black beans.

01:47:19.000 This is what you gotta have.

01:47:20.000 How much do you think he's gonna charge them?

01:47:22.000 Good for the computer.

01:47:24.000 Now, this is what I was talking about.

01:47:26.000 Pick any of the one that you'd like.

01:47:27.000 How to make beef jerky, how to make lava cake, how to make chicken enchiladas.

01:47:31.000 What are you talking about?

01:47:31.000 Mashed potatoes.

01:47:32.000 This is the channel I was talking about.

01:47:34.000 Just which one interests you?

01:47:38.000 None of these interest me remotely.

01:47:39.000 What's how to make salsa?

01:47:51.000 How does a guy go to a salsa store?

01:47:54.000 He picks up toxicos.

01:47:59.000 1.9 million views.

01:48:02.000 We're waiting.

01:48:05.000 1.9 million views.

01:48:14.000 Jalapano.

01:48:16.000 God, I got my gymnasium gelapano.

01:48:26.000 Okay, Ryan, this better get funny soon.

01:48:30.000 Right now, I'm in a child's chemo session.

01:48:42.000 Okay, we're getting funny.

01:49:04.000 You know, we'll just add an egg for fun because they smash.

01:49:16.000 All right, you got me.

01:49:19.000 This is good.

01:49:20.000 His old ones, man, where he would just slap a chicken for no reason.

01:49:26.000 I like how the camera's brewing.

01:49:29.000 He smashes the salsa.

01:49:34.000 There we go.

01:49:35.000 They're the eggs.

01:49:36.000 So he's kept the four.

01:49:40.000 And he'll do things real delicate.

01:49:42.000 What, the salsa?

01:49:44.000 Yeah.

01:49:44.000 Are you out of your mind?

01:49:46.000 No.

01:49:46.000 With the eggs?

01:49:47.000 Sure.

01:49:52.000 Alright, let's take a call.

01:49:56.000 Okay, this is a would you rather?

01:49:59.000 We know the rules, folks.

01:50:02.000 Okay, guys.

01:50:03.000 Hold on, stop.

01:50:05.000 If this is a would you rather, it better not involve me fucking my mom or my dad.

01:50:10.000 No.

01:50:11.000 Or anyone fucking my wife.

01:50:14.000 Nah, it just involves blowjobs and dudes.

01:50:16.000 Okay.

01:50:17.000 Here we go.

01:50:18.000 Now we're talking.

01:50:19.000 Hold on, stop.

01:50:20.000 Daddy, start your engines running here.

01:50:23.000 We got a tough one.

01:50:26.000 Okay.

01:50:28.000 So, would you rather perform 95% of a blowjob or the last 5% of a blowjob.

01:50:38.000 You just stole this from the internet.

01:50:40.000 This is a classic.

01:50:42.000 Goodbye.

01:50:42.000 Thanks for calling.

01:50:45.000 Because one part's got to come, but the other part, you don't know how long it'll take.

01:50:48.000 I mean, I'm annoyed that it's not organic, but I guess we have to answer this age-old.

01:50:56.000 We all know that you can't say both because everybody's like, oh, you can't do that.

01:50:59.000 And you're like, I'm not a woman.

01:51:00.000 I don't go neither.

01:51:03.000 So the real question is, would you rather suck a dick for a little bit and have no jizz in your mouth or suck a dick for a little bit and have jizz in your mouth?

01:51:10.000 I guess I'm going to go with the 95%.

01:51:12.000 Yeah.

01:51:14.000 I'd have to agree.

01:51:15.000 I get no jizz in my mouth.

01:51:16.000 Nobody says you have to take the jizz in your mouth.

01:51:19.000 But there is jizz.

01:51:20.000 It's jizzing.

01:51:21.000 It's going to get on your face and stuff.

01:51:25.000 Yeah, because sucking a dick is something I don't want to do, right?

01:51:31.000 No.

01:51:31.000 So if I'm sucking a dick for like 10 seconds or 30 seconds, I've already done the terrible thing.

01:51:37.000 I'd rather die.

01:51:39.000 You'd rather die?

01:51:40.000 Fuck yeah.

01:51:44.000 I'd rather die.

01:51:45.000 You'd rather die than suck a dick?

01:51:46.000 What's happening?

01:51:48.000 No, I'd rather suck a dick.

01:51:49.000 I'm going to come.

01:51:51.000 I'd rather be around.

01:51:53.000 But as far as like sucking a dick for 10 seconds and 20 seconds, 30 seconds, they're all equally bad.

01:52:01.000 Once I do one or two pumps, it's the same as 40 pumps.

01:52:05.000 I'm sucking.

01:52:07.000 Now I'm a guy who sucked a dick.

01:52:10.000 Yeah.

01:52:10.000 I saw that.

01:52:11.000 In the second category, it's just as bad, but I've got jizz everywhere.

01:52:16.000 So I don't want to do the jizz thing.

01:52:18.000 So I'll take the first.

01:52:19.000 Especially if.

01:52:20.000 But by the way, I'm not thrilled about what I have to do.

01:52:23.000 And I've been thinking about this a lot recently.

01:52:25.000 This whole like, how much would you have to be paid to like eat out a dude's ass and everything?

01:52:29.000 I'll eat your ass.

01:52:31.000 You're in a helicopter that you own at a $150 million mansion, and 100% of the time you're sitting in it, it's because you ate a dude's ass.

01:52:45.000 It ruins the mansion.

01:52:46.000 It ruins the helicopter.

01:52:47.000 It ruins the indoor pool.

01:52:49.000 It ruins everything.

01:52:49.000 Too much of indecency.

01:52:51.000 Too much of indecency.

01:52:54.000 That's the problem with that shit.

01:52:57.000 It's not like that.

01:52:59.000 People are going to come to your house and they're going to go, holy shit, you have your own private plane with this waterbed and a bar?

01:53:08.000 Dude, this is...

01:53:10.000 I've never met anyone with their own private plane, but this private plane is the nicest private plane I've ever even heard of.

01:53:16.000 What did you do?

01:53:17.000 Did you invent a way to sequence the genome or something?

01:53:20.000 Or did you come up with a way to help kids with leukemia?

01:53:25.000 No, I sucked off a homeless man.

01:53:29.000 It amused a billionaire who paid me this plane.

01:53:32.000 I'm like, can you pull over at the next airport?

01:53:35.000 Yeah.

01:53:36.000 I want to get off.

01:53:38.000 You just ruined my flight.

01:53:41.000 Well, maybe he's gay.

01:53:42.000 You ever thought of that?

01:53:45.000 I brought this up at a dinner with Ann Coulter once and all her friends, and she was furious with me.

01:53:52.000 She was like, I invite you out with my friends, and you talk about how much you'd have to be paid to let a homeless man fuck you in the ass?

01:54:00.000 Like, that's embarrassing.

01:54:01.000 It's not even, she didn't say embarrassing because she doesn't talk like that, but she was like, aren't you embarrassed?

01:54:06.000 So uncouth.

01:54:07.000 I don't think I'm going to invite you out for dinner anymore.

01:54:09.000 And I said, I managed to sway her.

01:54:12.000 I go, and it's actually an intellectual discussion.

01:54:15.000 And I explained to her the parameters and all this stuff.

01:54:18.000 And we actually came up with a solution where you take $3 million and you give $7 million to charity to an entrepreneur's fund.

01:54:26.000 So when you're swimming around your indoor pool, you're like, I actually created an entrepreneur's fund for Native Americans where they can start their own business.

01:54:36.000 And she goes, I actually admire that about men.

01:54:39.000 She goes, I wouldn't do anything remotely sexual for one cent that I didn't want to do.

01:54:46.000 So we would never consider any of that.

01:54:48.000 But you men, you guys will like eat a piece of shit for if it'll help someone.

01:54:56.000 I actually wrote an article about it on Tacky Mag.

01:55:00.000 About this whole exchange.

01:55:02.000 What was it called again?

01:55:03.000 It was like, how much to be fucked up the ass by a homeless man?

01:55:06.000 Because the problem with it is, say you say, I'm sorry, there's no price.

01:55:10.000 Then you're walking home that day and you get raped by a homeless man for free.

01:55:17.000 That's no good, right?

01:55:19.000 Gavin raped by a homeless man.

01:55:25.000 The $10 million question, I called it.

01:55:30.000 And it's got a picture of Artie Lang on the front.

01:55:33.000 Artie Lang.

01:55:34.000 Next call.

01:55:39.000 I didn't know they included a picture of the author in the...

01:55:42.000 Was that new?

01:55:43.000 Or they stopped doing that?

01:55:45.000 I don't know if you can do that in comedy, Ryan.

01:55:48.000 I don't know if you can take a photo that I've already attributed to someone as an insult and then take it away from Artie Lang and put it on me.

01:55:59.000 That's plagiarism.

01:56:01.000 I could have said, oh, wait, they switched the picture of Artie to you.

01:56:04.000 That's weird.

01:56:05.000 That would have worked.

01:56:06.000 Fuck.

01:56:07.000 All right.

01:56:07.000 Well, I'm learning.

01:56:08.000 Speaking of...

01:56:09.000 You're loining.

01:56:10.000 We have my best friend, Retarded Maureen.

01:56:15.000 Is this true?

01:56:17.000 773, you're on the line.

01:56:21.000 Maybe you say hi to him.

01:56:23.000 You have a magical voice.

01:56:25.000 Yeah.

01:56:27.000 You barely see the road from the heat coming off me.

01:56:30.000 Ooh, yeah.

01:56:34.000 And he's trying to reach down between my legs.

01:56:38.000 Is he implying the heat is coming from his pubes?

01:56:40.000 Put the seat back.

01:56:41.000 You got hot pubes.

01:56:43.000 Best story.

01:56:44.000 Best story ever.

01:56:46.000 I don't know what you're talking about.

01:56:47.000 Did I talk about that before?

01:56:49.000 Did I say that that's David Loss groin?

01:56:53.000 No, some dude walking around some horseshoe bar and he's some kind of stripper and he bends down with his anal lift.

01:56:59.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

01:57:03.000 He had, like, whatever.

01:57:04.000 You put a dollar in his speedo and he opens up his speedo.

01:57:11.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:57:11.000 He had heat coming out of his Speedo.

01:57:13.000 I put $5 in it, which was a bad move because that made me his daddy.

01:57:19.000 And then he later picked up a beer bottle with his anal lips.

01:57:24.000 Oof.

01:57:25.000 Without looking or holding it.

01:57:29.000 His hands were up here.

01:57:31.000 That was at a gay bar in the East Village called The Urge.

01:57:37.000 He had the urge.

01:57:44.000 Which was unrelated.

01:57:46.000 My whole idea was to call about my story here with, you know, Maddie being, you know, hot-tempered.

01:57:53.000 That's me.

01:57:54.000 I can relate.

01:57:55.000 I can completely relate.

01:57:57.000 Okay, well, I want to talk to you guys in general and say, I actually admire your anger.

01:58:04.000 I admire your rage.

01:58:07.000 But I'd like it to be directed to things that are very important.

01:58:11.000 Like someone is telling an old lady to go fuck off.

01:58:14.000 But if it's Coco the gorilla or a guy who left and isn't even there anymore and no one cares, don't have a heart attack and go to jail for it.

01:58:24.000 I get ghosted by my 43-year.

01:58:27.000 I got my best friend, 43 years born next door to each other, ghosts me.

01:58:33.000 All right, this is this is my brother lives next door.

01:58:38.000 I've leaned into him since being fired.

01:58:42.000 January 25th, I get fired, and I lean into those that I know, my good friends, my dad.

01:58:50.000 And as we evolve, as I'm moving forward, get a new job, new house.

01:58:58.000 Was this your friend?

01:58:59.000 Or your dad?

01:59:00.000 Yeah.

01:59:01.000 No, no, me, me.

01:59:02.000 I'm the one that got fired.

01:59:04.000 I'm the one that got fired, but I'm using all my resources to pick myself up, right?

01:59:10.000 Yep.

01:59:11.000 And every couple months or whatever, I get back together with my friend.

01:59:15.000 We're talking on the phone.

01:59:16.000 We hit the ground running.

01:59:17.000 We talk for two hours.

01:59:19.000 Hey, how's it going?

01:59:20.000 How's that job?

01:59:21.000 How's that new job going?

01:59:22.000 Well, yeah, I've been doing this.

01:59:23.000 I've been doing that.

01:59:24.000 And I mention what I've been using, you know, Jordan Peterson, right?

01:59:32.000 I've been leaning into all of this, all these resources.

01:59:36.000 You know, Gavin McGinnis, Crowdboys, he goes, hey, hey, hey, hey.

01:59:41.000 He's like, Steve, you're trying to sell me something.

01:59:43.000 I'm like, no, no, no, no.

01:59:45.000 I'm trying to tell you my story.

01:59:47.000 You asked.

01:59:49.000 You've been critical in my recovery and how I've gotten to where I've gotten.

01:59:54.000 He's like, I love you, man.

01:59:56.000 He hangs up.

01:59:57.000 And I mentioned Gavin McGinnis Proud Boys, and I'm done.

02:00:06.000 Okay, we get this with a lot of baby monsters where they're saying the pitch wrong.

02:00:13.000 So when you are talking to friends and promoting me, the show, or Proud Boys, it's a one-time fee of $84.99.

02:00:25.000 That is to get your license to sell the Proud Boys merchandise.

02:00:31.000 After you pay the $84.99, you only have your licensing fee of $542 a month, assuming you hit your numbers with the merch and you sell enough to pay for the licensing fee.

02:00:50.000 Furthermore, if you recruit three more salesmen per month and they pay their initial licensing Proud Boys fee, then they are established and you don't pay a dime.

02:01:06.000 And of course, if those three guys also recruit three more people to sell the merch.

02:01:13.000 That's not an Amway.

02:01:14.000 No, you see, this is what I hate.

02:01:16.000 It's got nothing to do with the Amway or a pyramid scheme.

02:01:20.000 It's about giving people the privilege to use the Proud Boy's license to sell the merchandise.

02:01:28.000 No, ma'am.

02:01:28.000 No, it sounds like a message.

02:01:30.000 You're so above me right now.

02:01:33.000 I mean, I'm losing.

02:01:36.000 If I didn't know any better, I'm losing a friend.

02:01:40.000 My best friend from we were born next door to each other.

02:01:45.000 We were opening up the windows, talking over the driveway.

02:01:49.000 You know, we just went through our lives together.

02:01:53.000 We end up calling each other.

02:01:55.000 We hit the ground running.

02:01:56.000 And I go, I'm not, I'll just put it out there.

02:01:59.000 You know, I'm not a proud boy, but I've been using all these resources, such as your podcast, such as when I buy the subscription.

02:02:10.000 I'm in.

02:02:11.000 I've used this.

02:02:12.000 I've used all these other likes to muscle my way back from getting kicked in the nuts, being fired of how to fix this, how to fix it, how to get it right, put your family back on track.

02:02:30.000 And who else would I share that with?

02:02:33.000 All right, don't get offensive.

02:02:34.000 I'm just being funny.

02:02:35.000 Calm down.

02:02:37.000 If that's how he treated you, because you expressed how the tools that you were implementing to get yourself back on track and get back on your feet, regardless of what it was, he should be supportive of you.

02:02:50.000 If he just wants to hang up and be like, good luck, I love you, and fuck off.

02:02:55.000 He was going to be a friend, no matter what history you have.

02:02:59.000 Because when the fucking shit came down to it, listen, when you're in the midst of things, when the fucking dust settles, there's going to be people that want to be there next to you.

02:03:08.000 Everyone else is just fucking passing bys.

02:03:12.000 Maddie, that's why you're good for this show.

02:03:15.000 And just passing by.

02:03:16.000 Because when the dust settles, the motherfucker that's fighting on the left on the phone.

02:03:21.000 I don't know.

02:03:22.000 Those are your friends.

02:03:24.000 Well, I've been ghosted.

02:03:26.000 I know that when the dust settles, like, We can get back together on the phone, hit the ground running.

02:03:33.000 He lives on the other side of the country.

02:03:34.000 We can hit the ground running.

02:03:36.000 But yeah, it needs a little time because, you know, we were already drinking before we picked up the phone.

02:03:43.000 Wait a minute.

02:03:43.000 Are you talking about maybe you guys could get back together?

02:03:46.000 No.

02:03:47.000 He's showed his hand face.

02:03:49.000 No, he's X'd.

02:03:50.000 He's X'd, dude.

02:03:51.000 He's done.

02:03:51.000 Get him out of there, man.

02:03:53.000 Seriously?

02:03:54.000 Luke Radowski, he had a friend that he would take him around in a...

02:03:57.000 I can put it this way.

02:04:00.000 Just set yourself up from here.

02:04:01.000 He's got a disappointment.

02:04:03.000 He's brought me out of the gutter.

02:04:05.000 No, it is disappointing.

02:04:06.000 He helped me get out of the gutter.

02:04:08.000 And he's done more as a man, as a brother, that I do.

02:04:17.000 In fact, I look up to him.

02:04:19.000 And I couldn't finish this conversation.

02:04:22.000 That aspect of this conversation.

02:04:23.000 So wait, hold on a sec.

02:04:24.000 So this guy stabbed you in the back and said, fuck you, but you're still waiting there like a bitch for him to re-accept you and you're going to be so happy to have him back when he's ready to take you back?

02:04:38.000 Well, he's not saying, fuck you.

02:04:40.000 Yes, he is.

02:04:41.000 He hung up on you.

02:04:44.000 Okay.

02:04:45.000 All right.

02:04:46.000 I'm listening.

02:04:46.000 I mean, I'm hearing you.

02:04:49.000 No, dude, I had this friend, Steve.

02:04:51.000 I won't say his full name.

02:04:53.000 He was in my book, Death of the Cool.

02:04:54.000 Great guy.

02:04:55.000 We were inseparable.

02:04:56.000 When I was in high school, he was a grade above us, which is like literally a grade above you.

02:05:02.000 Like, 14-year-olds didn't hang out with 15-year-olds, but he hung out with our gang.

02:05:07.000 So we were so impressed that we got a guy from a grade above.

02:05:11.000 Anyway, he was the coolest guy in school, blah, blah, blah.

02:05:16.000 We moved out of our house together.

02:05:19.000 We got an apartment in the city.

02:05:21.000 We were both in bands.

02:05:23.000 He was in The Trapped.

02:05:24.000 I was in Anil Chinook.

02:05:26.000 We were best pals, super cool guy.

02:05:30.000 I moved to New York City.

02:05:32.000 We did a movie together, The Brotherhood of the Traveling Rants.

02:05:35.000 I actually had to alter the movie where I had to make it look like he was getting all these calls because he's a music producer from bands who wanted them to produce his album.

02:05:47.000 Meanwhile, the truth was no one was calling him.

02:05:49.000 In fact, the editor, Brian Gaynor, was actually getting calls and he had to turn down work.

02:05:56.000 So we lied in the movie to put up Steve, put him on a pedestal and say, oh, Steve's so in demand that we have to stop the movie.

02:06:05.000 It was all a lie, right?

02:06:06.000 The movie's not a reality documentary.

02:06:08.000 It's a comedy.

02:06:09.000 But anyway, did the movie...

02:06:13.000 You've come back to people that have...

02:06:18.000 I mean, it's apparent, the backturning.

02:06:22.000 It's apparent.

02:06:23.000 But we have had these people who, you know, you have to give them a moment.

02:06:32.000 This is not face-to-face.

02:06:33.000 Hold on, hold on, hold on.

02:06:35.000 Just let me finish this fucking story.

02:06:40.000 So we do this movie, and he's like, we sold it to Netflix for 15 grand.

02:06:46.000 And there was three of us.

02:06:47.000 So it was like 555.

02:06:48.000 What the fuck is that?

02:06:49.000 Oh, it was a...

02:06:51.000 I got a ding.

02:06:52.000 Elevator?

02:06:53.000 So he asked me for the five grand twice, which fucking pissed me off.

02:06:57.000 But anyway, that's irrelevant.

02:06:59.000 So we're doing shit.

02:07:01.000 And then on Instagram, out of the blue, he's like, yeah, you used to kiss the ass of Nazi skinheads who stole your boots.

02:07:12.000 And in my, like, not to me, but in my Instagram comments.

02:07:16.000 And I was like, Steve, what the fuck are you talking about?

02:07:18.000 I got beat up by Nazi skinheads for my boots.

02:07:21.000 I tried to pretend to be their friend so I could try to fight them and steal my boots back.

02:07:27.000 And then he changed his story and went, yeah, I know.

02:07:30.000 I was just like so saddened that my friend would have to kiss their ass in a sad attempt to dupe them into getting his boots back.

02:07:38.000 And I'm like, okay, well, why didn't you say that?

02:07:41.000 So then we kept going.

02:07:44.000 And then I was looking up girls we dated in high school.

02:07:49.000 This is now in the like 80s.

02:07:52.000 And now they're like 40 and 50 years old.

02:07:55.000 So I go, dude, I looked up, let's call her Julie Jennifer.

02:07:58.000 I looked up Julie Jennifer, who I went to prom with, and she's horrific.

02:08:03.000 She looks like a fucking witch.

02:08:05.000 I mean, she was the hottest girl in school when we were in high school, and now she's a monster.

02:08:09.000 She's like a four.

02:08:11.000 And then he goes, you're the only guy that's a four on the inside.

02:08:15.000 And I went, what the fuck?

02:08:17.000 And I go, where's all this coming from?

02:08:19.000 What are you doing?

02:08:21.000 And he goes, look, man, I don't know why you're contacting me.

02:08:23.000 I already told you you're a fucking fascist and Nazi garbage.

02:08:29.000 Fuck you.

02:08:30.000 And I go, okay, bye-bye.

02:08:32.000 We had a good run, like 30 years or whatever it was.

02:08:35.000 And then he contacts me like two years later and he goes, hey, man, my dad died.

02:08:40.000 I'm going through a lot of shit.

02:08:44.000 I want to make bygones, bygones, whatever.

02:08:46.000 And I go, okay, you're the one who called me a Nazi and a fascist.

02:08:50.000 And he goes, let's not play the blame game.

02:08:52.000 That's an actual quote.

02:08:54.000 So I go, and then, and this is a mistake.

02:08:58.000 Then I went, okay, your dad's dead?

02:09:01.000 All right.

02:09:02.000 So anyway, we start talking.

02:09:03.000 And there was a Vanity Fair article that this guy, Adam, that we all knew did.

02:09:08.000 And it was shitty.

02:09:09.000 And it was a hit piece.

02:09:10.000 And he spoke to the guy.

02:09:12.000 And he didn't really shit on me in the interviews.

02:09:15.000 But I was talking about the article.

02:09:16.000 And I was saying, there's like 50 problems with this article.

02:09:19.000 And he goes, I was always about peace and love.

02:09:23.000 And you were always about hate.

02:09:25.000 And I'm like, what the?

02:09:26.000 And it made me so fucking mad because that bullshit narrative, I don't mind if it's about me.

02:09:32.000 You can call me fat and ugly and Donald Sutherland with AIDS, whatever.

02:09:36.000 But that narrative terrorized my children.

02:09:39.000 So he's jumping on board a thing that has terrorized my children and fucked up their social lives.

02:09:46.000 So then I said, go fuck yourself, you loser.

02:09:49.000 You always had a lower IQ.

02:09:50.000 It was always been the elephant in the room.

02:09:52.000 You were not a rock star.

02:09:54.000 You worked with fucking Melissa Oftermar because she thought you were cute.

02:09:58.000 You were never an accomplished musician.

02:10:01.000 You've always been a loser.

02:10:02.000 I never cared about that.

02:10:04.000 I don't care who's a loser.

02:10:05.000 I just like who's funny and cool to hang out with.

02:10:06.000 But now that we can finally break down the walls, you're a retarded piece of shit who's been living off his mother's inheritance and she's not dead.

02:10:16.000 You got your inheritance from your mother before she was dead by arguing with her that you wouldn't need it after she's dead.

02:10:22.000 That's pathetic.

02:10:23.000 Anyway, now we're done.

02:10:26.000 Go fuck yourself.

02:10:27.000 He's called me a bunch of times.

02:10:28.000 I told him, go fuck yourself again.

02:10:30.000 But my point is, I should have known the first time he turned his back that this is not a good person.

02:10:38.000 Like, fuck a good friend.

02:10:40.000 It's not a good person.

02:10:41.000 So the second someone that you care about turns your back on you, just, this is the great thing about the Scots.

02:10:50.000 Poof.

02:10:51.000 You cease to exist.

02:10:52.000 There's no one to be mad at.

02:10:53.000 There's no one there.

02:10:54.000 If you did a 23andMe, they're not on the fucking chart.

02:10:59.000 They don't exist.

02:11:00.000 They never happen.

02:11:01.000 My fucking wife had a friend.

02:11:03.000 They were born together, literally.

02:11:05.000 They in the same hospital.

02:11:07.000 They fucking, one was each other's bridesmaid.

02:11:10.000 And because of all the proud boy shit, she said, I need to take a break from our friendship for a while.

02:11:17.000 My wife has always had more money than her.

02:11:20.000 My wife has flown this woman around the world.

02:11:22.000 That's a woman thing.

02:11:23.000 My wife was there.

02:11:24.000 When her mother, when her father died, the girl's father died, my wife, she was like 21 or something.

02:11:33.000 She drove six hours from Madison to Milwaukee, whatever it is, four hours, with a six-pack to greet her at the airport and be like, let's relax.

02:11:44.000 Your father's dead.

02:11:44.000 I'm here for you.

02:11:46.000 And then because of Proud Boys, she cut all that off.

02:11:49.000 She's fucking dead.

02:11:51.000 Like she doesn't exist.

02:11:53.000 My belief is, and I don't want to tell you how to live your life, but when someone shows an inkling of betrayal, even like I'm not saying that that car accident had anything to do with that.

02:12:03.000 I'm hearing that.

02:12:04.000 I'm hearing that.

02:12:05.000 They're fucking done.

02:12:08.000 Like done.

02:12:10.000 Like this whole notion, we learned this when we were in high school with relationships where girls and boys would say, I need a break.

02:12:17.000 No, no, no.

02:12:18.000 Break, we're done.

02:12:20.000 We're dead.

02:12:22.000 They cease to be.

02:12:24.000 And it sucks because like you lose 60, 70, 80%.

02:12:28.000 With Trump, I lost 80% of my friends by supporting Trump.

02:12:32.000 But I'm now at 100% ride or die niggas.

02:12:35.000 Here we go.

02:12:36.000 This is the old saying.

02:12:39.000 There's no such thing as fair weather friends.

02:12:41.000 Exactly.

02:12:43.000 It's a contradiction.

02:12:46.000 All right, am I still there?

02:12:47.000 Yeah, you're still there.

02:12:49.000 Yeah, he votes for Trump.

02:12:52.000 I mean, he's just right there.

02:12:55.000 Now, I think that we're done talking about, or you're saying that, like, there's no more to say there.

02:13:01.000 At the beginning of the show, it was really impressive, Gavin, that advice you were giving to Maddie because it is, that's outstanding.

02:13:11.000 I know, I'm great.

02:13:12.000 It's the most outstanding.

02:13:14.000 But that's what makes Maddie a great contribution to the show is that he's, you know, he toes the line.

02:13:25.000 And you're like, wait, wait, wait, wait.

02:13:27.000 Like, what's with the blood pressure?

02:13:29.000 You know, let's step back and evaluate.

02:13:32.000 When you, Gavin, have said that you can look at a guy and his blood is boiling.

02:13:38.000 You're going to assess the situation.

02:13:40.000 Is this worth it?

02:13:42.000 Yeah.

02:13:43.000 And don't die for cocoa.

02:13:46.000 Yeah, you always got to make sure that you reassess yourself.

02:13:50.000 Thanks for calling, by the way.

02:13:51.000 It has to do with your mother.

02:13:52.000 If you don't forgive your mother, then you're going to be sitting there with a hot bowl of ice cream soup.

02:13:56.000 Like, what happened?

02:13:57.000 Why that melt?

02:13:58.000 So basically, you have to forgive your mother, forgive yourself.

02:14:02.000 Because that's a woman thing.

02:14:04.000 You don't want to be a baby though.

02:14:06.000 Jesse Lee.

02:14:07.000 Yep.

02:14:08.000 I don't want to disrespect you, Jesse Lee, but you say you were eating a hot bowl of ice cream soup.

02:14:14.000 Yeah, the ice cream soup.

02:14:14.000 What's that got to do with your mother?

02:14:16.000 Oh, no, no, no, when we were little.

02:14:18.000 Little tiny scruggling, running around, beebopping.

02:14:22.000 Was that breast milk in the bowl?

02:14:24.000 Breast milk?

02:14:25.000 Oh, man, made it.

02:14:29.000 But no, we didn't have a refrigerator.

02:14:34.000 We would have an ice block.

02:14:35.000 So Ralph Cranpton would come upstairs with a big ice cream scoop.

02:14:38.000 Ralph Crampton.

02:14:39.000 Yeah, Ralph Crampton.

02:14:40.000 Oh, you know who Ralph Crampton?

02:14:42.000 So Ralph Crampton would...

02:14:48.000 So Peter Frampton would come upstairs with a big old ice cream scoop.

02:14:53.000 Peter Frampton would bring ice to your door?

02:14:55.000 But why would you have ice cream soup?

02:14:58.000 Because he had no ice pots.

02:15:00.000 We didn't have ice pots.

02:15:02.000 So it would get real cold, you know, but not cold enough to keep the ice cream cold.

02:15:07.000 So it would melt and we have, oh, let's have a hot bowl of ice cream soup.

02:15:11.000 And so we had three spoons and a fork.

02:15:13.000 Guess who got a fork?

02:15:14.000 All right.

02:15:14.000 So it wasn't so amazing back then.

02:15:22.000 Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.

02:15:54.000 I'd rather be with you.

02:15:59.000 Oh, I'd rather be with you.

02:16:04.000 Cause Godmand are too.

02:16:07.000 So I'd rather be with you.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - November 19, 2021

GOML LIVE #124 - TEMPER TEMPER

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