Joe Tonelli joins us as a new engineer/producer on the show, and we discuss his life growing up in the Bronx, and the time he was shot at by a crazed man in the street.
Transcript
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00:03:38.000Well, we've got, the way this show goes is we're free for the first half hour, and then we go behind the paywall, and we read mail, and we take calls.
00:03:51.000There's just so much to squeeze into a live show that I don't like to go through the news.
00:05:31.000I would say 60% of their clients are baby monsters.
00:05:35.000There's a lot of lawyers and sales dudes who need to have a good 10 suits.
00:05:40.000But there's normal blue-collar dudes who need that one suit for funerals and weddings.
00:05:44.000And when they get circumcised, that's where Nita Fashions comes in.
00:05:49.000I've got my whole new wardrobe for the marathon, which is happening in less than 24 hours, and it's lasting for 24 hours.
00:05:58.000At 6 p.m. tomorrow, 6 p.m., Joe and I will be together taking you through a 24-hour shift of the show.
00:06:08.000We'll be interviewing everyone who's on the network.
00:06:11.000We have every single contributor spanned out too, and it works because, you know, Australia and Britain and Hawaii, we've got Lotus, Dusty Bogan, and Katie Hopkins.
00:06:22.000They can be in the wee hours of America time, and they're in normal time on their zone.
00:06:26.000So they'll be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed when we're fucking exhausted at 5 a.m.
00:06:30.000And I'll be wearing my Nita Fashions tuxedo, which is silk-lined.
00:11:55.000Everyone in every business, every employee has to be vaccinated.
00:11:59.000Indoor public spaces, you are required to wear a mask regardless of your vaccination status.
00:12:06.000So basically, the masks are back on if you want to go to the supermarket, to the gas station, to the bank, to anywhere that's a public space.
00:12:15.000Wait a minute, but at our bar, you don't have to wear a mask if you have a vaccination card.
00:12:19.000I think the businesses have to implement a vaccination verification, but fuck all that shit.
00:12:26.000I mean, why would I tell anybody my medical history?
00:12:30.000Right, but just for the record, if you have a vaccination card or proof of vaccination, you don't have to wear a mask.
00:13:11.000I can't remember what state it was, the governor somewhere was getting, he was leaving the podium, and somebody asked him, one of the reporters said, Are you vaccinated?
00:13:20.000And he turned around and somebody like his assistant or something said, that's a very inappropriate question.
00:14:06.000I saw a couple of things that said there's a few counties in New York that are like they're fucking the system saying, no, we're not following the mandates.
00:16:51.000We had Rat, the guy who was such a pussy, it inspired the Proud Boys.
00:16:57.000We had David Cast, who was stolen from me by Laura Ingram.
00:17:01.000We had John Sereno, who was fired by Cumius people for asking one of their clients for more money, which I thought was, well, I'm not going to criticize my buddies, but it seemed pretty intense.
00:17:16.000That was back when the cop ran the show there, Keith the Cop.
00:17:55.000What we do is we go through the mailbag.
00:17:57.000It should be in the archive section, right?
00:18:00.000And I thought it would be fun if we just focused on ones that say Maddie, because sometimes people send in letters to Maddie, and we get so many a day that by the time he's back here the following week, it's long gone.
00:20:24.000So we're all like, as he walks down the aisle back to his desk, and we're all fixing it on like, and then he sits down, still smiling, still bald, no eyebrows.
00:20:38.000And he looks at the class, and we're all looking back at him.
00:20:41.000Even the teacher was going, and he looks at us all and he goes, I got lace.
00:21:54.000Because what's going to happen is I think it's kind of funny now that you're fucking up, but then there's going to be when the switch happens.
00:22:01.000And it goes from like normal mistakes for a new guy to get your fucking shit together.
00:22:07.000And we're drifting into that arena right now.
00:24:54.000During count, they'll just drop two rolls of toilet paper in front of your cell.
00:24:58.000But if you're need flame, constant flame, is you roll toilet paper up and you twist it until it's thick.
00:25:06.000And then they take hair grease that they sell on commissary.
00:25:12.000And they'll fill up like a cup or a coffee cup or and they'll fill it with grease and they'll grease up the wick and they'll light it like a candle.
00:25:19.000So the grease keeps the, it's like a candle with a cup.
00:25:23.000Oh, it's exactly like those buffet tables when you get the side or whatever.
00:25:26.000But they do it with the toilet paper too.
00:25:45.000But somebody did it at some point where they're going to just find something metal or something and try to scrape all the paint off before they do it.
00:26:37.000Because I wrote the day before the mandate came out, I had the sign that said, you know, New York State implements mask mandate starts December 13th or whatever Monday was.
00:26:53.000And then somebody wrote in Magic Mark over it, we will not comply.
00:26:58.000I posted that like Sunday night and it was good.
00:27:01.000And then the other day, like the next day or Tuesday or whatever day it was, I did it.
00:27:07.000I wrote, fuck Tyranny, fuck New York State, do not comply.
00:27:13.000But that got restricted and they restricted my account for a couple days or whatever.
00:29:49.000Like I remember when I was in MCC doing a violation, I worked in the H because I was a cadre there because I was only doing a violation 10 months.
00:30:13.000And part of our daily job was to go around.
00:30:16.000And in each cell, you have a vent that blows in, like fresh air, and then you have a return vent that's on the floor.
00:30:23.000So anything that you're not supposed to have, like contraband or anything, if you need to get rid of it quick and they shut the water off where you can't flush it, you just throw it down the return vent because there's no screen or anything on it.
00:30:33.000So we would go, me and my buddy, his name was Archie, and another Scottish guy.
00:30:41.000And we would go around to where all the vents would come in, like in the ventilation system, and where they came down to an end, they would have a door.
00:39:57.000He's sponsored this show since day one.
00:40:01.000And it seems that we have a disproportionate number of patriots.
00:40:04.000And I believe it's because every other sponsor takes the knee because they get harassed by Antifa, by the woke mob, by the DNC, by everyone.
00:40:14.000And it means that when you have a bunch of sponsors on a show like this, every single one of them has balls.
00:40:42.000And if you live in a shitty state like New York, where it's legal to have any kind of gun, you can get yourself a little kid finger painting and she can put her art on the mod wall.
00:40:53.000No, they've got all kinds of places to hide your guns.
00:40:56.000They've got places to, from tissue boxes to mirrors embedded in the wall, really quick access, home invasion, any kind of robbery, you're going to be ready and armed.
00:41:08.000And if they break in, they're not going to be able to find your stuff.
00:41:11.000Also, if you don't have any guns, you can use it for your kids' baseball display, dirt bike stuff.
00:41:18.000Joe's not doing the greatest job in the world of showing all the different things that Tactical Walls has.
00:41:22.000But if you go to tacticalwalls.com, you use promo code Gavin and also Gavin15.
00:41:43.000And the possibilities are absolutely endless with tactical walls.
00:41:47.000Okay, so we're going to go behind the paywall now and we'll answer a couple more emails directed to Sir Matzalot and then we will take calls.
00:42:02.000Now taking calls is complicated technically and we have a new engineer here.
00:42:06.000So I'm predicting it's going to go so badly that we're just going to have to stop and end the show.
00:47:39.000And Maddie, the weak-hearted trike rider.
00:47:42.000I've taken your advice the past two or three years now and haven't said shit to my liberal family members and friends during the holiday gatherings.
00:49:46.000No, Arnold Schwarzenegger saw you in prison, in jail, beat up eight black guys, and he said, you're coming to my dojo, and he trained you to be an excellent fighter.
00:51:08.000When someone's taking a picture on the street in New York, everyone else is like, oh, geez, and they get out of the way or they stop or they go.
00:51:26.000And I don't know how much, you know, middle-class people, the dad dies, it's probably like 500 grand divided by three kids with all the funerals and stuff.
00:51:35.000They probably end up with like 150 or 120 each.
01:02:45.000And I know my enemies are watching this episode and going, not only is this loser deteriorating in front of our very eyes, but he did this right before he set up a 24-hour telethon, which is going to be an absolute failure.
01:08:22.000So we were just wondering, like, when one proud boy calls out another proud boy for a mutual and they show up at the bar, do you A, fuck the mutual or B, call down one Monday and say you're going to sue?
01:08:39.000It sounds like a loaded question and it doesn't sound very sincere.
01:09:51.000When we created this club, we hadn't really ironed out the possibility of intra-chapter beef because there was really just the Manhattan chapter and a couple West Coast chapters.
01:10:20.000You'd have Tiny was always fighting within the club in a good way, where he was like, he said he wants to leave the club, and then he changed his mind and said, I'm actually in.
01:10:33.000I don't know what I was talking about.
01:10:34.000So this dude, Chris, was like, you can't do that.
01:10:37.000You can't say you're out and then say you're back in.
01:16:59.000And we live, the thing about upstate New York, if you're near the Delaware and you're in like Eldred, New York, Berryville, New York, Port Jervis, it's all fucking rocks.
01:17:12.000So I have actually planted shit up there without a shovel, with just a pickaxe.
01:17:18.000So I go in, I fucking slam in, I lift out all the rocks, I put the thing down, the dirt I can deal with with my hands, and then I put the thing in, put the rocks back, and put the dirt back.
01:18:07.000Like, that one fight, which I barely remember, would have ended most marriages.
01:18:13.000And we moved on like two days later because both our parents are together and will be till they die.
01:18:19.000And we get that there's horrible, terrible mistakes and stupid fights and bad decisions, and you eventually get over it.
01:18:29.000So I would say when you're looking for a mate, their parents being together is much more important than if she's stupid enough to consider communism for a second.
01:20:22.000And we don't often get questions directed to Joe, but I think this is a good time for Joe to shine and show that he's not just an incompetent producer.
01:20:31.000He also has a lot to say about controversial sexual proclivities.
01:20:36.000Joe, how do you feel about pegging and digit playing?
01:22:56.000Well, you know, I mean, you would have to imagine, I mean, I haven't been in the federal court system in quite some time, but there has to be an extraordinary amount of backlog cases from when, over the last year, since COVID,
01:23:12.000when everything was shut down and everything.
01:24:26.000Yeah, because the story that he was always telling all of us during like family gatherings Is he's going to play soccer in Mexico and he's on a travel team and all that.
01:24:35.000And then, sure enough, he gets popped right around in September.
01:24:41.000Well, it sounds like this guy needs to be a little more forthcoming with you about what's going on because you're trying to put pieces of the puzzle together and you don't know anything.
01:24:55.000And I get, frankly, I get a little nervous.
01:24:58.000I'm kind of like Ryan was when you'd always put him on the spot with how he feels about Maddie.
01:25:03.000So when there's hard crimes going on, I really get, you could hear my voice squeaking and everything.
01:25:10.000All right, well, if you want to know what's going on with him, all you have to do is go online and go to Pacer, I think it's Pacer.gov, which stands for Public Access to Court Electronic Records.
01:25:20.000And you just put his name in and it'll come up.
01:25:22.000And also, Maddie points out there's a whole grid where you can see the crime.
01:25:46.000Just before I say goodbye, you said I get uncomfortable the same way Ryan would get uncomfortable when you'd ask him how he feels about Maddie.
01:39:21.000And gentlemen, if a woman says to you, I need a break or I suck with someone else, do not sit there and work out a plan B. Walk out the door.
01:43:54.000But anyway, in a relationship like that, you're like, go make my money, bitch.
01:44:00.000So it's possible that Milo was making all this money for his white college fund and the Breitbar people and funneling it to his black boyfriend who drives a Ferrari.
01:47:54.000But the thing is, I saw these gay dudes that had a bunch of adopted kids at the Shake Shack once, and they just couldn't fucking control the kids.
01:48:03.000They were running around, jumping on the table, or not the table, but the chairs.
01:48:07.000So then I just started thinking, maybe, maybe, maybe gays shouldn't adopt kids.
01:48:11.000Well, you notice with gay adopters, they won't shut the fuck up about being gay.
01:48:19.000And the kid is always like, my dads, I have two dads, and we have a rainbow Christmas tree, and we're gay and proud.
01:48:27.000And you're like, okay, calm the fuck down.
01:48:30.000Like, say you were, I don't know, two Masons and you adopted a kid.
01:49:03.000It has its perks sometimes, but, you know, butt sex does, like, I'm worried I'm becoming like your old, that old man you talked about, like, his anus and stuff.
01:49:13.000Like, I'm worried I'm going to become that one day.
01:51:36.000We're doing a 24-hour marathon tomorrow, and we've been dealing with a lot of shit here.
01:51:42.000So I don't know if you want to buy some meth, but you need to stay up all night tonight and figure out this shit if we're going to do a marathon tomorrow.
01:51:54.000I don't miss Ryan, but I'm damn close, and I can't do this anymore.
01:51:59.000Sorry, folks, to cut this short, but we're wasting everyone's time.
01:52:05.000Lord fucking knows what is going to go down tomorrow.
01:52:16.000I've been fired from every job I've ever had.
01:52:18.000Censore TV was great, but I feel like tomorrow is going to be an absolute catastrophe.
01:52:28.000I think I'm going to get drunk to try to deal with Joe's failures, and then it's going to be a bunch of horrible, regrettable things I say while Joe fucks up.
01:52:39.000I'm going to break shit, and you're going to see the end of my career.
01:52:44.000I hereby predict that tomorrow will be right out of the SCTV sketch Johnny LaRue on New Year's Eve.