Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - GOML LIVE #132

00:00:13.000 Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Devin McKinnon.

00:01:02.000 Hey guys, sorry about that.

00:01:04.000 I did a line and that means I gotta make a proof.

00:01:09.000 And when you have a hemorrhoid, you can't just wipe your ass.

00:01:13.000 You have to inundate it with the wet toilet paper.

00:01:17.000 That's No Sleep Till Brooklyn.

00:01:20.000 And the reason we're playing that song is because tonight we're gonna stay awake until the show's over at 11.

00:01:28.000 Here we go.

00:01:29.000 No matter what, we are staying up for the next two hours.

00:01:34.000 We're taking calls.

00:01:36.000 We're taking super chats that are going to Max and John.

00:01:39.000 Another bet.

00:01:40.000 We raised $1,500 last week.

00:01:42.000 Let's go for two grand tonight.

00:01:44.000 100% of the money goes to Max and John.

00:01:47.000 When they get out, they can have some cash, 50% each, $7.50 each we made last week.

00:01:56.000 I had this big party planned for those guys when they get out, and Maddie points out that when you get out of prison, you have to go and check in to where your residence is.

00:02:07.000 There's no two-day parties.

00:02:09.000 You also have to check to see if they have any special conditions like non-association clauses where they can't associate with the Proud Boys.

00:02:17.000 It's a big thing that they do.

00:02:19.000 This is my new pet peeve.

00:02:21.000 And I developed it slowly meeting ex-cons.

00:02:25.000 I did the crime.

00:02:27.000 I did the time.

00:02:29.000 I should be able to vote, own guns, like probation and all this other shit.

00:02:35.000 That's not the time.

00:02:37.000 I was sentenced to four years.

00:02:39.000 I did four years.

00:02:40.000 Everything should be as it was.

00:02:43.000 Like when my kids are bad, they would get a timeout.

00:02:47.000 And after those, whatever it was, they usually did a minute per age.

00:02:50.000 So if it was a three-year-old, you do three minutes.

00:02:53.000 And then when you've done your timeout, dude, go nuts.

00:02:56.000 Go play video games.

00:02:58.000 Well, what New York State did and the feds together, I mean, they didn't do it together, but both changed their systems.

00:03:05.000 Like, you used to do 65% of your time, which is two-thirds.

00:03:10.000 So say if you got six years, you had to do four years, and then you'd come home, and you'd owe two years on parole.

00:03:16.000 So a lot of people would get violated and get sent back.

00:03:21.000 So for certain crimes, like violent crimes, like the fights that Max and John got in, they changed that law and they said, okay, violent crimes now, and this in the feds, it's every crime.

00:03:31.000 You got to do 85% and they're going to abolish parole.

00:03:35.000 But basically all they did was just change the name of it.

00:03:38.000 They changed it to five years parole.

00:03:43.000 No, for a four-year crime.

00:03:45.000 Right.

00:03:46.000 That's not fair.

00:03:47.000 No, they're going to have five years supervised release because they're convicted of a violent crime.

00:03:52.000 Yeah.

00:03:52.000 So they have to do 85% of it.

00:03:54.000 Right, but then after they're out, they have years and years and years of probation.

00:03:57.000 Yes, I'm on the same time.

00:04:00.000 With you get four years, you get out in three, and we monitor you for a year.

00:04:04.000 That's arguable.

00:04:06.000 But this is, they're getting out like a pube early.

00:04:09.000 They're getting out like, I don't know.

00:04:11.000 They get 54 day, it's like 53 or 54 days a year, good time.

00:04:15.000 But their probation is meant is, John's is five years.

00:04:19.000 They changed it from probation is for non-I mean, you get felony probation, which is five years, but that's when you don't go to prison.

00:04:27.000 When you go, say, split bid, like a one and a half to three for like a non-violent crime, you're on parole for up to three years.

00:04:36.000 So.

00:04:36.000 Parole or probation?

00:04:38.000 Parole.

00:04:39.000 Right.

00:04:39.000 Now, when they have violent crimes and other crimes that you're convicted of that are deemed, you have to do 85%.

00:04:46.000 Now when you get released, you're on supervised released, not parole.

00:04:52.000 Same shit, just different name.

00:04:54.000 Yeah, I don't know.

00:04:54.000 And they make you do 85% of the time instead of 20%.

00:04:57.000 You know why they abuse those prisoners?

00:04:59.000 Because they can.

00:05:00.000 You give someone power and they're like, I'm going to make them do a little fucking dance.

00:05:04.000 Oh, also, last week, I told a guy I worked in cadre in downstate, which was incorrect.

00:05:12.000 I worked cadre in MDC Brooklyn and MCC Manhattan.

00:05:17.000 My state time, I was sentenced to only a short bid, which is one year.

00:05:21.000 So by the time I got finished with court and everything, went up top to reception, I only had maybe three months or four months left.

00:05:29.000 And I did the remainder of my time there.

00:05:32.000 Cut the shit, Matty.

00:05:33.000 You got to get it.

00:05:33.000 I just had to correct that.

00:05:34.000 You got caught stolen Unvalor, pretending you went to prison.

00:05:39.000 And he blew up the price.

00:05:40.000 Never mind that.

00:05:41.000 By the way, great research out there, baby monsters.

00:05:44.000 Thanks for catching him bullshitting.

00:05:48.000 Last point on the prison stuff.

00:05:50.000 When we were at our local recently, you were speaking to two BIPOCs, black Indigenous people of color.

00:05:57.000 Okay.

00:05:58.000 And I didn't understand you, gentlemen.

00:06:00.000 You seem to be saying, fuck this probation.

00:06:03.000 I'd rather just do my whole sentence.

00:06:05.000 Yeah.

00:06:06.000 What were you talking about?

00:06:07.000 I didn't understand you.

00:06:08.000 Like, probation, it's like we're not going to send you.

00:06:13.000 Sort of Damocles hanging over your head.

00:06:15.000 Yeah, so that's basically what it is.

00:06:16.000 It's time over your head.

00:06:18.000 And I'm not one to tote a line.

00:06:22.000 And, you know, give me enough rope and I'm going to hang myself 10 times over.

00:06:26.000 If you're going to tell me I have to be in the house at 7, 8, 8, 9 o'clock at night, I'm going to go out.

00:06:32.000 So that's what you guys were saying is I'm going to violate all my things.

00:06:36.000 He said his PO kept coming to his house, and then she tried to say that he moved without permission.

00:06:41.000 And I was like, dude, just fuck it, just go back in and fucking do the rest of your time.

00:06:45.000 Like, like when I did that with my federal parole, I said on my second violation.

00:06:50.000 Usually, when you get your second violation of incarceration, they deem you unsupervisable and they just terminate it.

00:06:55.000 So you were what they call a full-term release.

00:06:57.000 You got to do all your time.

00:06:59.000 So when I came home, I did two years on supervised release for the feds, and they violated me on my last day.

00:07:07.000 So I did, and time on the street in the feds doesn't count.

00:07:10.000 So I had to go do a 10-month hit and then start over two years supervised release again.

00:07:16.000 So when I came home, I said, listen, you might as well put the paperwork in now because I'm not going to report.

00:07:21.000 I'm not going to do drug tests.

00:07:22.000 I'm not going to do any programs.

00:07:23.000 And he's like, what are you talking about?

00:07:24.000 I said, I'm not giving you the power to keep me on the street for another two years and do the same fucking thing.

00:07:29.000 The Feds were saying.

00:07:30.000 Yeah.

00:07:30.000 Because they were saying the same thing.

00:07:31.000 And he was like, no, I'd like to see.

00:07:33.000 I go, you don't want to see me do anything.

00:07:34.000 I said, fuck off.

00:07:35.000 Put the paperwork in.

00:07:36.000 Tell me when I got to come in for the fucking, in front of the magistrate.

00:07:40.000 Fuck that.

00:07:40.000 Power.

00:07:41.000 I don't want power.

00:07:42.000 Because it's easier for me to be in prison and deal with being there because I'm there.

00:07:46.000 There's not much I can do about it.

00:07:48.000 You know, I just, you know, I'm not a victim there, so I just navigate the environment and do what I do.

00:07:53.000 On the street, like I said, I'm going to go out and run a buck.

00:07:57.000 This goes back to right versus left, because you know these parole officers and the bureaucrats that come up with these rules, they're all lefties, basically.

00:08:05.000 Oh, yeah.

00:08:06.000 And the prisoners, I guess they're not really on the political spectrum.

00:08:10.000 Recidivism is a job.

00:08:12.000 It's job security.

00:08:13.000 No, it's the left wants, like I always say, politics is people who want to be left alone and people won't leave them the fuck alone.

00:08:19.000 I don't want to tell you what to do.

00:08:21.000 Like, I don't have time.

00:08:23.000 I want to tell my wife what to do.

00:08:24.000 I want to tell, and even that, not so much.

00:08:27.000 I definitely want to tell my kids what to do and make sure that they, you know, get the most out of life.

00:08:32.000 Outside of that, I don't want to get involved in your life.

00:08:36.000 What is this compulsion to want to go out and get involved in people's lives?

00:08:42.000 It's a strange trait.

00:08:44.000 I don't quite get it.

00:08:46.000 I mean, my first instinct is you had a shitty high school life and you want revenge.

00:08:52.000 And now you want to have power over people.

00:08:54.000 So you're like, oh, who's getting wedgied now, bitch?

00:08:56.000 Now you're getting wedgied.

00:08:59.000 I don't know.

00:09:00.000 I don't know.

00:09:01.000 All right, let's start the show here.

00:09:03.000 First sponsor, Tactical Walls.

00:09:06.000 Right?

00:09:07.000 Yes.

00:09:08.000 We've got Tactical Walls in our office.

00:09:11.000 We can't put cool guns on them.

00:09:13.000 This is a vet-owned, American-run company manufactured in America.

00:09:18.000 A young, tenacious dude works at a plastic shop.

00:09:22.000 He starts seeing what this 3D printer machine can do.

00:09:25.000 He starts making his own molds.

00:09:27.000 The guy says, you know what?

00:09:28.000 Start your own business.

00:09:30.000 Not, you are going to be my competition.

00:09:32.000 I don't want you using our equipment.

00:09:34.000 It was, wait, what are you doing?

00:09:36.000 He goes, why don't you use this 3D machine after hours?

00:09:41.000 And then you can start your own business.

00:09:43.000 So this dude, Tactical Tim's old boss, helped him build Tactical Walls, which is essentially competition.

00:09:49.000 But he didn't care.

00:09:50.000 He just liked the idea of Tim making money.

00:09:52.000 And Tim is making money.

00:09:54.000 He's employing dozens of people and he's building these incredible mod walls that don't just show guns, have shit in your Jeep, hide your guns behind a mirror, all kinds of fantastic inventions at tacticalwalls.com.

00:10:07.000 And if you use promo code Gavin15, you get how much off?

00:10:12.000 20%.

00:10:14.000 One would think Gavin 20 might be a better code, Tim, but Tim is a very unusual cat.

00:10:20.000 I think he might be bipolar, but with just the manic episodes and nothing else.

00:10:25.000 Fantastic dude, fantastic company, and brave enough to support this show and risk cancellation and boycotts.

00:10:33.000 So the great thing about this show is when I tell you about a sponsor, they're not randomly pulled off a shelf.

00:10:39.000 This is not fucking a Netflix ad.

00:10:41.000 These are people who are totally aware of what they're getting into and still supporting free speech, supporting this show, and supporting your right to watch this show.

00:10:52.000 Top locking shelf.

00:10:53.000 Look at that.

00:10:54.000 Looks like a totally normal shelf.

00:10:55.000 You could hide a fucking Mossberg in there.

00:11:00.000 Secondly, another item I didn't get to the other day was we played The Beastie Boys.

00:11:07.000 We were talking about the Beastie Boys and Egg Raid on Mojo.

00:11:09.000 The reason I played that was to talk about I finally saw a good doc.

00:11:14.000 And it's called The Individualist.

00:11:16.000 Sorry, Salad Days, the DC hardcore doc.

00:11:20.000 Sorry, Godfather of Hardcore, the Agnostic Front doc.

00:11:24.000 You suck.

00:11:24.000 You're just a pile of words.

00:11:26.000 And I've been spoiled by Amanda Milius, who did a great interview with Tucker, by the way, on Fox Nation.

00:11:31.000 And now I want a documentary to be a movie.

00:11:35.000 I want three acts.

00:11:36.000 I want you to wow me in the third act.

00:11:37.000 I want a big arc.

00:11:39.000 I want all kinds of generalizations I can gauge from it.

00:11:42.000 Don't just barf chronological facts out.

00:11:46.000 And they don't do that in this Ricky Powell doc.

00:11:49.000 So Ricky Powell, he was the guy.

00:11:51.000 Homeboy, throw in the towel.

00:11:53.000 Your girl got fucked by Ricky Powell.

00:11:55.000 While they were party dudes, licensed to ill guys, I think Ricky was like not just their photographer.

00:12:02.000 I got the vibe.

00:12:02.000 He liked supply drugs and stuff, but he was a big part of the party.

00:12:07.000 And then MCA became the Tibetan monk dude.

00:12:11.000 And just like the Beastie Boys did with the fat chick, Kate, at the beginning, they were just like, get out of here, Ricky.

00:12:18.000 You're tacky.

00:12:19.000 We're done our party phase.

00:12:21.000 Now we're like feminist.

00:12:22.000 We're woke.

00:12:23.000 And you don't want Ricky Powell around when you're woke.

00:12:26.000 You might make a racist joke.

00:12:28.000 And so they just turfed him.

00:12:29.000 Now, there's kind of an element here that he never recovered from getting kicked to the curb by the Beastie Boys.

00:12:37.000 Maybe, but I'm a genetics guy.

00:12:40.000 I'm a nature over nurture.

00:12:42.000 And I think his mom was a mentally ill hoarder and a loner.

00:12:47.000 And he just took on those traits.

00:12:50.000 One of my favorite lines in this movie is he goes, I think I was supposed to be an abortion or something, but, you know, my mom manned up and she had me manned up.

00:13:00.000 Like a real man, she had a baby.

00:13:03.000 But turn it up, it's great.

00:13:04.000 I highly recommend it.

00:13:08.000 And then I was watching it going, I knew him tangentially.

00:13:11.000 I didn't know him well.

00:13:12.000 I'd met him like a few times, and I thought, like, you're watching the movie, and you're like, fucking dude, you have so many incredible negatives.

00:13:21.000 Let's empty your apartment, put it in a giant truck, drive to Jersey, rent a warehouse, and lay it all out.

00:13:28.000 And then, you know, document it all, put them on file.

00:13:32.000 Like, how much is a picture of LL Guljay worth if it's from 1982?

00:13:37.000 Like, you have a gold mine in your shitty, disgusting West 4th apartment.

00:13:42.000 Let's spread it all out.

00:13:43.000 And then I thought, I should have done that.

00:13:45.000 And then I remembered, not only did I not know him, but he was a fucking dick who told me to fuck off and wanted to kick my ass.

00:13:52.000 So a lot of people thought of helping him, and he told them to fuck off because he was addicted to crack, and crack makes you an asshole.

00:14:01.000 Which is another great part of the documentary.

00:14:03.000 Regular Joe in the neighborhood.

00:14:08.000 Like, I'm a bummy ass motherfucker, but my photography happens to be high flu.

00:14:12.000 Legendary Ricky Powell, right?

00:14:14.000 The unfiltered camera, unfiltered mouth.

00:14:19.000 Whatever comes through that point and click is that straight New York shit.

00:14:23.000 The downtown scene, the uptown scene.

00:14:25.000 It was part of what was going on.

00:14:28.000 Ricky made us look like hip-hop of gods.

00:14:32.000 There's the dark side that comes with true greatness and madness.

00:14:35.000 It all goes hand in hand.

00:14:36.000 This is who Mike Rappaport thinks he is.

00:14:38.000 Yeah, exactly.

00:14:40.000 Yeah.

00:14:41.000 I was this one guy around all these people doing incredible things.

00:14:46.000 He's crazy as a fuck, but he's a genius.

00:14:53.000 Anyway, I highly recommend it.

00:14:58.000 So we're going to devote all these Thursday shows to letters and calls and super chats and all that.

00:15:03.000 But there are things that, can't wait.

00:15:04.000 I'm going to Orlando tomorrow to visit my folks.

00:15:08.000 So tomorrow's a pre-tape.

00:15:10.000 Monday's a pre-tape.

00:15:11.000 And there's things that I don't want to miss.

00:15:13.000 I think my favorite story is this Gorsuk shit where Supreme Court Justice, what's his name?

00:15:24.000 Anthony?

00:15:25.000 What's his fucking full name?

00:15:28.000 Someone Gorsuk said, I'm not wearing a mask, you fat spic cunt.

00:15:33.000 Sonia sort of mayor.

00:15:34.000 She started crying and said, but I'll die if you don't wear a mask.

00:15:38.000 And he goes, good, I want you to die, whore.

00:15:40.000 And, oh, there's a HR doc coming out.

00:15:44.000 We'll see that in a second.

00:15:45.000 Sorry.

00:15:47.000 And that became the thing.

00:15:49.000 And you go, okay, well, that's unfortunate.

00:15:51.000 They can't get along.

00:15:53.000 Then you look it up.

00:15:54.000 None of this is true.

00:15:56.000 None of it is true.

00:15:58.000 Gorsak would be happy to wear a mask.

00:16:00.000 Sonia Sotomayor never said, don't wear, I can't come to work if you don't wear a mask.

00:16:07.000 All fucking lies.

00:16:10.000 And I'm trying to find you this montage.

00:16:12.000 I didn't really prep for the show.

00:16:15.000 Of NPR and all these Joy Reid, all these women going, fuck him.

00:16:21.000 He's going to get us all killed.

00:16:23.000 He's ruining the Supreme Court, this son of a bitch.

00:16:26.000 And it's all fucking lies.

00:16:30.000 Pull up the story while I find this, Rye Guy.

00:16:37.000 No, that's not it.

00:16:39.000 You will still have to wear a mask while on a commercial airline flight.

00:16:43.000 Today, the U.S. Supreme Court rejected a request to block the mandate, letting a lower court ruling stand.

00:16:49.000 Fox News chief legal correspondent, anchor of Fox News at night, Shannon Bream, is here with details.

00:16:54.000 Good evening, Shannon.

00:16:55.000 You, Shannon.

00:16:56.000 Good evening, Brad.

00:16:56.000 Well, a couple of plaintiffs in that case, including a father who travels on a regular basis.

00:17:01.000 Unrelated?

00:17:02.000 Yeah, that's a new pet peeve of mine.

00:17:05.000 They'll have an article and the video won't be related.

00:17:09.000 We're not doing a very good job of entertaining people.

00:17:11.000 Ryan, Maddie, while I find this, you were just in Florida yourself.

00:17:15.000 Yes, I was.

00:17:16.000 You're looking like Wayne Newton.

00:17:17.000 You're so tanned.

00:17:20.000 How was it?

00:17:20.000 I was tan that much, but it was great.

00:17:23.000 Good time.

00:17:24.000 What was the weather like?

00:17:26.000 I think one day it was like 65, but that was about it.

00:17:28.000 It was like Tuesday or something like that.

00:17:30.000 Whatever, you know, 79, 80.

00:17:32.000 Feels like temperatures 82, 85.

00:17:34.000 40, 45, 40, 40.

00:17:36.000 40, 45, 45.

00:17:38.000 But yeah, it was a good time.

00:17:39.000 And what was the vibe?

00:17:40.000 I mean, they don't care about COVID, right?

00:17:42.000 Do you see a lot of masks?

00:17:44.000 Only tourists.

00:17:48.000 Did anyone tell you to put on a mask the entire time you were there?

00:17:50.000 Nope.

00:17:51.000 Only in the airport.

00:17:53.000 Huh.

00:17:54.000 Was it a guy or a girl?

00:17:58.000 Female.

00:17:59.000 Oh.

00:17:59.000 It was a guy I was going to throw this up.

00:18:01.000 No, no, it was a TSA agent.

00:18:03.000 You ever thought of that?

00:18:04.000 Like, I had it, like, below, and I was like, she was like, oh, you got to pull it over your nose.

00:18:08.000 All right, whatever.

00:18:09.000 And that's just on your way out.

00:18:12.000 Also in the news, you heard about Roosevelt getting taken down.

00:18:16.000 Now, I'm at a point now where I like this lefty news.

00:18:21.000 Because if I was going to do a piece of performance art, I would destroy the statue of Roosevelt in front of the history of natural science.

00:18:29.000 Is that what it is called?

00:18:32.000 Because we don't deserve him anymore.

00:18:34.000 This is a picture of him marching with Indians.

00:18:37.000 They're not his slaves.

00:18:38.000 They're his peers.

00:18:40.000 It's a $2 million statue.

00:18:41.000 They're moving it to South Dakota.

00:18:43.000 And first they covered it in plywood for a few months, so we'd forget about it.

00:18:47.000 Gavin Wax was down there protesting the removal.

00:18:50.000 Then it's out of sight, out of mind.

00:18:52.000 And then in the middle of the night last night, they take it away.

00:18:56.000 Good.

00:18:57.000 We don't deserve...

00:18:58.000 This is a great, this middle of the night removal of Roosevelt is a great example of the destruction of America and American history and American grit and hubris.

00:19:09.000 That's what he represented.

00:19:10.000 He represented, he went on a fucking camping trip before he was president and someone stole his boat.

00:19:17.000 So they caught the guy, him and his friend, caught the guy who had stole his boat.

00:19:21.000 How the fuck do you do that?

00:19:23.000 You run along the shore.

00:19:24.000 And so they made a citizen's arrest.

00:19:27.000 And it took three days to get back to civilization.

00:19:30.000 So, for three days, they had him tied up with ropes and they fed him and stuff, and they brought him back to civilization where he was charged for stealing the boat.

00:19:38.000 Because that's the right thing to do when someone steals your boat.

00:19:41.000 That was fucking Theodore Roosevelt.

00:19:44.000 We don't deserve that anymore.

00:19:46.000 That America is dead.

00:19:47.000 So, I'm glad you removed the statue.

00:19:50.000 You did a good job.

00:19:51.000 You showed everyone exactly what we've been saying.

00:19:54.000 Okay, I finally found it.

00:19:57.000 And it's just like the little girl statue.

00:20:00.000 Remember that one?

00:20:01.000 That's a better example of them doing our art for us.

00:20:05.000 It's a fucking bull in Wall Street, which is about eight feet high, a monstrous bull that would kill all of us in a second.

00:20:13.000 And then they make a statue of a chick going, I'll fucking kick your ass, bitch.

00:20:18.000 And I'm looking at it going, good, great, exactly.

00:20:23.000 That's modern feminism.

00:20:25.000 I will stand in front of a bull because I can kick a bull's ass.

00:20:28.000 No, you can't, young lady.

00:20:30.000 You're in danger.

00:20:31.000 Your bullshit narrative is putting not just women in danger, but children in danger.

00:20:36.000 So I love this statue because it shows the dangerous naivete of the left.

00:20:43.000 And I'm glad they removed Roosevelt in the middle of the night.

00:20:46.000 It's performance art.

00:20:48.000 You did conservative performance art.

00:20:50.000 Thank you.

00:20:53.000 And that bull is on Wall Street and it represents like a bull market.

00:20:57.000 Right.

00:20:58.000 Like, what does that have to do with that?

00:21:00.000 That's also great.

00:21:00.000 So it's them not understanding what the bull is about.

00:21:04.000 Like, it's perfect.

00:21:06.000 It's amazing conservative art.

00:21:08.000 The left has become so shitty at their job that everything they do explains why we think they're shitty at their job.

00:21:15.000 Look at her.

00:21:16.000 Imagine it was made by animal rights activists to defend the running of the bulls where they stab them and shit.

00:21:21.000 I don't get bullish markets.

00:21:23.000 I don't know what that statue's for.

00:21:24.000 This is all the things it's saying.

00:21:26.000 I think I can take on a bull.

00:21:28.000 I put children in danger.

00:21:29.000 I put women in danger.

00:21:30.000 It's saying like five things I believe.

00:21:33.000 Fantastic.

00:21:35.000 We don't deserve Roosevelt.

00:21:37.000 We want to tear apart history.

00:21:38.000 We want to remove Indians from the...

00:21:41.000 By the way, these two things are like right down the street from each other.

00:21:45.000 We want to remove Indians from American history in the name of protecting them.

00:21:48.000 Like, perfect, great.

00:21:50.000 You did it.

00:21:52.000 But did you get my super cut?

00:21:53.000 That's the thing I was looking for.

00:21:54.000 I finally found it.

00:22:00.000 I always email myself stories.

00:22:02.000 So sometimes when I'm emailing you shit, I just instinctively email myself.

00:22:07.000 And then I find all these emails I sent to you that are sent to me.

00:22:12.000 Here we go.

00:22:13.000 Okay, so keep in mind, none of this is remotely true.

00:22:18.000 It's not like, like I saw a lot of liberals saying, no, no, what happened was it was Chief Roberts that told Gorsik to put on a mask.

00:22:28.000 Sonia Sotomayor had Chief Roberts tell her to do it.

00:22:31.000 They just got the guy wrong.

00:22:33.000 No, that's not true either.

00:22:34.000 None of it is remotely true.

00:22:37.000 No, Sonia Sotomayor never told anyone to put on a mask.

00:22:41.000 And Gorsuch has no problem wearing a mask at any time.

00:22:47.000 Tragically, anti-mask insanity has now reached the highest report in the land.

00:22:52.000 Neil Gorsuch is prioritizing his right to be a tool over protecting Sonia Sotomayor's life.

00:22:58.000 Gorsuch loves COVID, which makes him the perfect, blah, perfect Republican.

00:23:03.000 He thinks very little of coronavirus precautions.

00:23:06.000 Gorsuch has the nerve to refuse to wear a mask indoors while seated next to his colleague who's vulnerable to possible from a highly communicable disease.

00:23:15.000 Where's the collegiality?

00:23:17.000 Where's the common sense?

00:23:18.000 That just seems ridiculous.

00:23:20.000 Can you put a mask on?

00:23:21.000 Do you like it?

00:23:22.000 Stop, stop.

00:23:24.000 That just seems ridiculous.

00:23:26.000 How many times have you heard liberals say shit like that?

00:23:28.000 Like with black Prowboys?

00:23:30.000 I don't get it.

00:23:31.000 Why are they joining a white nationalist group?

00:23:33.000 Yeah, you're right.

00:23:34.000 It is confusing.

00:23:35.000 Maybe you're wrong.

00:23:38.000 That's usually a good thing.

00:23:39.000 Hey, I heard Maddie Odell was dying to fuck Ryan, and he's been flirting with him.

00:23:43.000 Oh, yeah.

00:23:44.000 That doesn't sound true to me.

00:23:47.000 That goes against everything I know about those two gentlemen.

00:23:50.000 I'm going to be a little skeptical, and I'm going to ask them and look into it before I go, can you believe that shit?

00:23:57.000 They're fags.

00:23:59.000 Who was the first one who broke the story?

00:24:01.000 NPR.

00:24:02.000 NPR was the first one.

00:24:03.000 From an anonymous source.

00:24:05.000 And then MSN, everybody else.

00:24:07.000 Everyone's good.

00:24:08.000 Like once they get, as long as they're not going to get fired, they could just say, well, I got it from NPR.

00:24:13.000 So once they get a morsel, they just fucking run with it.

00:24:16.000 Look at all this shit when they think something might be racist.

00:24:20.000 Like the synagogue guy, everyone was running with it's a Nazi.

00:24:23.000 How many times have you seen a shooting or a kidnapping or a hostage situation where they just go, more racism, here's proof?

00:24:31.000 And then they find out who it is.

00:24:33.000 It's often a Muslim and they go, ah, fuck.

00:24:36.000 All right.

00:24:38.000 Well, it's just mental illness.

00:24:39.000 Don't worry about it.

00:24:41.000 But go back to this montage because it's barely begun.

00:24:45.000 Place is this.

00:24:45.000 It's that hard.

00:24:46.000 Justice Gorsuch had to know that this would become a public controversy.

00:24:50.000 And so I think he did this.

00:24:51.000 This is an unusual opportunity.

00:24:53.000 What's up with Justice Gorsuch?

00:24:54.000 If all of the other, including all of the other conservative members of the court, are willing to go along with this, why not him?

00:25:01.000 Every other justice is masking up, even Clarence Thomas, who doesn't seem to care about anybody.

00:25:05.000 Just stop.

00:25:05.000 It's like you heard that wet paper towels are highly flammable.

00:25:10.000 And you're like, wet with gas?

00:25:12.000 No water.

00:25:13.000 That doesn't sound right.

00:25:15.000 And then you do a series of news shows going, this is crazy, but wet paper towels are flammable.

00:25:22.000 No, they're not.

00:25:24.000 That's why it sounds crazy.

00:25:28.000 Because it's not true.

00:25:30.000 You fucking activists.

00:25:33.000 You're not journalists.

00:25:38.000 Not Gorsuch.

00:25:39.000 He could not be bothered to extend a life-saving courtesy to his coworker.

00:25:43.000 It not only displays a lack of basic civility as a coworker, but a lack of humanity.

00:25:48.000 While Gorsuch's behavior here is pretty disgraceful, I guess it shouldn't be that surprising.

00:25:53.000 A prickly justice, not exactly beloved, even by his conservative soulmates on the court.

00:25:58.000 Confirmation of a good headline, though.

00:26:00.000 Objection, your dishonor.

00:26:02.000 Yeah.

00:26:03.000 What we all already knew.

00:26:05.000 Whatever you think about Mass, Gorsuch, who sits next to Sodomayor at work, just decided to be a dick to a colleague.

00:26:12.000 Neil Gorschitz.

00:26:14.000 What publication was that?

00:26:15.000 That's Young Turks.

00:26:16.000 Oh, okay.

00:26:17.000 Addict to a colleague.

00:26:18.000 Neil Gorschitz, Shame on you.

00:26:21.000 Shame on you.

00:26:22.000 Yeah.

00:26:23.000 That so many conservatives in public life who claim to be such pious Christians and obsess over morals and decency are actually awful, awful people.

00:26:33.000 My first reaction was to think what a mean-spirited, almost ghoulish person Neil Gorsuch is.

00:26:38.000 Gorsuch's ghoulish, obnoxious behavior here.

00:26:40.000 Colour me shocked.

00:26:41.000 Neil Gorsuch is an asshole who thinks he should get to control others' bodies, but no one should get to control his.

00:26:47.000 Perhaps it should be Gorsuch participating remotely.

00:26:50.000 You, Neil Gorsuch, are both a rotten co-worker and a race.

00:26:54.000 And dangerous to be near in a pandemic and tonight's absolute worst.

00:26:59.000 Donkey of the day.

00:27:01.000 She is the absolute worst.

00:27:03.000 And then the other news item that I wanted to get to was Matt Walsh was on Dr. Phil with, I don't know what the fuck he was on with.

00:27:14.000 I guess it was one woman who had been taking male hormones and she has a weird beard and then a dude who was taking these people have become a human riddle.

00:27:27.000 Have you noticed that?

00:27:29.000 And you have to try to figure out what they actually are.

00:27:33.000 So I'm sending you one now, Ryan.

00:27:35.000 This is not, usually we just answer calls on these shows, but I just, I got to get these news items out.

00:27:41.000 I know it makes for a slow show, and I'm sorry.

00:27:45.000 I'm sorry.

00:27:48.000 Roosevelt.

00:27:50.000 What are you showing us?

00:27:53.000 Matt Walsh stumps.

00:27:55.000 You know, they've never, you could tell, too, when you watch these weird creatures, no one's ever criticized them or contradicted them before.

00:28:03.000 Is Dr. Phil red-pilled?

00:28:06.000 Kind of.

00:28:06.000 He was on Rogan.

00:28:08.000 Really?

00:28:08.000 Yeah, and you know what's funny too?

00:28:10.000 The other person that Oprah kind of led into the world, Dr. Oz, two doctors, both based.

00:28:16.000 Well, I don't know if he's based, but he's running as a Republican.

00:28:19.000 You think Oprah might be based?

00:28:22.000 No.

00:28:23.000 Okay, she was raped.

00:28:26.000 Rapees tend to be a little too wary of the left.

00:28:32.000 To throw out to other members of the panel, actually, because just like the four-year-old can't answer what is a girl, well, this is one of the problems with this left-wing gender ideology, is that no one who espouses it can even tell you what these words mean.

00:28:45.000 It's like, what is a woman?

00:28:47.000 Can you tell me what a woman is?

00:28:48.000 No, I can't.

00:28:50.000 Because it's not for me to say.

00:28:52.000 Womanhood looks different for everybody.

00:28:55.000 So that's a chick.

00:28:57.000 The first one was a chick who took enough testosterone to grow a weird pube beard.

00:29:01.000 And then I think I saw other pictures of this guy.

00:29:04.000 I think he has a dick.

00:29:06.000 So that's just a dude with long hair.

00:29:08.000 That's just a guy in a rock band in 1971.

00:29:12.000 Oh, I got the pictures, your tweets.

00:29:14.000 Yeah.

00:29:15.000 Oh, boy.

00:29:16.000 So look at the first picture.

00:29:17.000 That's a cock, right?

00:29:20.000 NSFE.

00:29:22.000 Not safe for anyone or everyone.

00:29:24.000 You spelled anyone with an E. Nightmash.

00:29:26.000 Whatever.

00:29:27.000 It's not my acronym.

00:29:28.000 It's got Nightmash.

00:29:30.000 Wow.

00:29:31.000 Who fucks that, by the way?

00:29:32.000 What do you do?

00:29:34.000 You're like into chicks, but you also like beards, but you also like sucking dicks?

00:29:38.000 I don't get the market there.

00:29:42.000 I like dudes and I like blowing them, but I hate how they're never wearing a bikini.

00:29:51.000 So that's a dude, right?

00:29:53.000 There are some tits there, though.

00:29:54.000 So did you take estrogen to get the tits?

00:29:57.000 And if so, didn't that hurt your beard?

00:30:00.000 Human riddles!

00:30:02.000 Let the riddles roam!

00:30:05.000 Non-binary, trans-Israel.

00:30:07.000 Irish bar owner I know, his dad was saying, maybe we should shut down Defolkenpub.

00:30:12.000 This is in Ireland.

00:30:13.000 And his son says, absolutely not, dad.

00:30:17.000 Let's let the riddles roam and the feared stay at home.

00:30:22.000 The riddles are just like the joking around.

00:30:25.000 Anyway, go ahead, Matt.

00:30:26.000 Sorry.

00:30:27.000 Other members of the panel?

00:30:28.000 Actually, because just like the four-year-old can't answer what is a girl, well, this is one of the problems with this left-wing gender ideology is that no one who espouses it can even tell you what these words mean.

00:30:38.000 It's like, what is a woman?

00:30:40.000 Can you tell me what a woman is?

00:30:42.000 No, I can't.

00:30:43.000 No, I can't.

00:30:44.000 Because it's not for me to say.

00:30:46.000 Womanhood looks different for everybody.

00:30:48.000 What do you define a woman as?

00:30:50.000 An adult human female.

00:30:51.000 And what does a female mean?

00:30:54.000 How do you define a female?

00:30:55.000 Someone with female reproductive organs.

00:30:57.000 Okay.

00:30:58.000 Someone who's, you know, here's the thing.

00:30:59.000 When you're a female, it goes right down to your bones, your DNA.

00:31:02.000 So that's why if someone dies, we could dig up their bones 100 years from now.

00:31:07.000 We have no idea what they believed in their head, but we can tell what sex they were because it's ingrained in every fiber of their being.

00:31:15.000 Interesting.

00:31:16.000 So I'm trying to understand.

00:31:17.000 Your definition is that a woman is someone who is female, you said, right?

00:31:21.000 Correct.

00:31:22.000 There's a biological female.

00:31:23.000 So what happens if we have maybe someone who is female, identifies as a woman, right?

00:31:28.000 You know, cisgender woman, right?

00:31:29.000 As you explained, as you just explained, maybe doesn't have the ability to reproduce.

00:31:34.000 Maybe doesn't have those organs that you're talking about for reproductive organs.

00:31:38.000 Reproductive organs were just one thing, he said.

00:31:41.000 He got into the bones, the DNA, head shape.

00:31:45.000 That's why he left the reproductive organs and said, there's a myriad of ways to identify a woman, including when she's been dead for 100 years.

00:31:54.000 The reproductive organs was one thing.

00:31:56.000 And I've seen these people latch on to that.

00:31:59.000 And they go, what if a woman can't reproduce?

00:32:02.000 She had ovarian cancer, whatever.

00:32:04.000 Yes, that's very, very unfortunate, but the stuff was still there.

00:32:09.000 It just broke.

00:32:10.000 If a car is in a horrible accident and the front of it is mashed from rear-ending someone, it's still a car.

00:32:19.000 It just had a horrible fucking accident.

00:32:21.000 A bicycle is not a car.

00:32:23.000 You're not the same as a broken car.

00:32:26.000 You're an invented car.

00:32:32.000 Z is beautiful.

00:32:34.000 Z is.

00:32:35.000 Back to Matt.

00:32:36.000 I have answered the question.

00:32:38.000 You stood up here and said trans women are women.

00:32:41.000 Yes.

00:32:41.000 Tell me what you mean.

00:32:42.000 What is a woman?

00:32:43.000 Womanhood is something that, just as Ethan explained, I cannot define because I am not myself.

00:32:47.000 You used the word.

00:32:48.000 So, what did you mean when you said trans women are women if you don't know what it means?

00:32:51.000 So here's the thing.

00:32:52.000 So I do not define what a woman is because I do not identify as a woman.

00:32:56.000 Womanhood is something that I can do.

00:32:57.000 I can tell you what a golf bag is.

00:33:01.000 I can tell you what a soccer ball is.

00:33:03.000 This is just fucking.

00:33:04.000 I know what a tank is.

00:33:05.000 I actually know what a lot of stuff is.

00:33:07.000 Pathetic.

00:33:09.000 I know what a table is.

00:33:10.000 I'm a cis transgender woman.

00:33:12.000 But what is a woman?

00:33:13.000 I can't tell you.

00:33:14.000 I can't because I'm not one.

00:33:16.000 So why do you use the term delay?

00:33:18.000 I can tell you what a black person is.

00:33:20.000 I'm not one.

00:33:21.000 It's mental illness.

00:33:24.000 But it's also this constant indulgence where no one's ever called them on their shit.

00:33:29.000 So when someone does, these people, those two have been complaining on social media that they've been having nightmares ever since Matt accosted them.

00:33:38.000 Yeah, it seems to define a woman.

00:33:41.000 Nightmares.

00:33:44.000 It includes people who...

00:33:45.000 That describes what?

00:33:48.000 People who identify as a woman.

00:33:50.000 Identify as what?

00:33:52.000 As a woman.

00:33:53.000 What is that?

00:33:54.000 What's to each their own?

00:33:55.000 Each woman, each man, each person is going to have a different relation with their own gender identity and define it differently.

00:34:02.000 So trans women are women.

00:34:04.000 Okay, I define it as you're not one.

00:34:06.000 Is that okay?

00:34:08.000 I define it different.

00:34:10.000 You look like you're in Leonard Skynyrd.

00:34:14.000 Okay.

00:34:16.000 And you want to, trans women?

00:34:19.000 Listen, tell me what you're doing.

00:34:20.000 You want to reduce genes, though.

00:34:21.000 You want to reduce women.

00:34:22.000 You want to reduce men down to maybe just their genetics, our genitals, our chromosomes, right?

00:34:27.000 That's what we're doing.

00:34:28.000 That's exactly what I want to do.

00:34:29.000 What you want to do is appropriate women.

00:34:31.000 You want to appropriate womanhood and turn it into basically a costume that could be worn.

00:34:37.000 Nailed it.

00:34:38.000 Yeah.

00:34:40.000 All right.

00:34:40.000 I guess we're going behind the paywall where we already did.

00:34:44.000 Sure.

00:34:44.000 What have you been doing?

00:34:45.000 Just cutting the show at 30 minutes?

00:34:46.000 Cutting them short.

00:34:47.000 Like a fucking barbarian.

00:34:49.000 Bow.

00:34:49.000 Like Gerard Butler in 300, like a Spartan.

00:34:53.000 You get what you pay for.

00:34:54.000 You're mean.

00:34:56.000 Yeah.

00:34:56.000 God damn it, you're mean.

00:34:58.000 I'm so philanthropic, I make Robert Preston look like Lee Majors.

00:35:02.000 All right, babe.

00:35:06.000 Dennis Miller's on the show.

00:35:07.000 Yep.

00:35:08.000 Before we leave, though, we should mention, we actually have to, Ryan, you can't cut them off before we mention the sponsors.

00:35:15.000 I think I do make sure all the reads are done.

00:35:17.000 So if I see some read stuff.

00:35:19.000 So what's the second read now?

00:35:20.000 It's beard vet, right?

00:35:22.000 Did you print it out?

00:35:23.000 I did.

00:35:24.000 Put it on your desk.

00:35:28.000 I lost it, but I'll have it on my McPewy.

00:35:33.000 God, I went through the letters before the show.

00:35:37.000 The quality is just shocking.

00:35:39.000 I had to do a hierarchy of quality, and purple flags are must-reads, and then red flags are just very, very good.

00:35:49.000 And maybe 5% of them are boring.

00:35:54.000 Anyway, Beard Vet, veteran-owned.

00:35:57.000 Stay warm, caffeinated, and looking great with Beard Vet.

00:36:00.000 Beard Vet has fantastic beard grooming products and coffee.

00:36:05.000 Check out the Oktoberfest sale El Diablo Coffee Blend.

00:36:08.000 We've had that here at the studio.

00:36:10.000 It is a wild ride.

00:36:12.000 If you want to get shit done, you need the El Diablo Coffee Blend.

00:36:17.000 Holy shit, we cleared out the entire storage room and we did it.

00:36:20.000 Now it looks like it's in a catalog on storage rooms.

00:36:25.000 It was so unkempt it made Bartholomew de la Casas look like Willie Mays.

00:36:30.000 All right, babe.

00:36:33.000 Free shipping on all orders when you go to www.beardvet.com.

00:36:41.000 If that's not enough, when you use promo code Gavin, you get an additional 15% off.

00:36:45.000 So remember with Tactical Walls, use promo code Gavin15, you get 20% off.

00:36:51.000 With this, with BeardVet, use promo code Gavin, you get 20% off.

00:36:57.000 I'm sorry, 15% off.

00:36:58.000 So there's no logic to this.

00:37:00.000 There's no rhyme or reason to what we come up with here.

00:37:04.000 Check out Beard Vet.

00:37:05.000 Tell them I sent you.

00:37:05.000 Sean, the owner of Beard Vet, is one of us.

00:37:07.000 He's a good egg.

00:37:08.000 We like him more than a friend.

00:37:08.000 Like most of our sponsors, Beard Vet is a veteran-owned and operated country.

00:37:12.000 So both sponsors tonight are vets.

00:37:16.000 They make their shit in America.

00:37:18.000 They are American-owned, American-run, and they're both brave enough to enlist at a job where you could die for the flag at any moment.

00:37:32.000 You never know.

00:37:36.000 Beard Vet stands for the national anthem.

00:37:37.000 Beard Vet kneels to the cross.

00:37:39.000 And Beard Vet's charitable contributions help our brothers and sisters in uniform.

00:37:43.000 We support them and they support us.

00:37:44.000 Once again, www.beardvet.com, promo code Gavin, for 15% off all orders.

00:37:53.000 And he also added Christmas giveaways, which I'm not sure he meant to do.

00:37:57.000 Seems a little late or early to be discussing Christmas giveaways.

00:38:02.000 All right, let's start taking calls and letters and super chats.

00:38:07.000 So the super chats, I'll try to get to them, but they're going to appear here.

00:38:12.000 And pay some money to Max and John.

00:38:16.000 We'll put up your message there.

00:38:18.000 If you have a question, I'll try to answer it.

00:38:20.000 And I'm going to get into this letters page, which has just been...

00:38:25.000 I mean, like, Steven Crowder employs about 10 people to go through various news items and ask them for shit.

00:38:33.000 We have baby monsters.

00:38:35.000 And they're amazing.

00:38:36.000 So I'm just going to go through some of the, what I've purple flagged here, Ryan.

00:38:40.000 I don't know if you'll be able to catch up because you're not very...

00:38:42.000 Somebody's phone off?

00:38:44.000 By any chance?

00:38:46.000 My mic, I think, was on and now it's off.

00:38:49.000 Nobody's phone's going off?

00:38:51.000 No one's phone's going off?

00:38:53.000 Yeah.

00:38:55.000 I'm getting a buzzing.

00:38:57.000 Nope.

00:39:00.000 Okay.

00:39:01.000 Interesting, interesting.

00:39:05.000 This is from a guy named Randy.

00:39:06.000 It's a question for Ryan.

00:39:08.000 Okay.

00:39:10.000 Maddie and I are not invited to this question.

00:39:13.000 And the question is: Ching Chang.

00:39:15.000 Ching Chong, Ching Ching Chong.

00:39:18.000 Chong Chong, Ching Chingy Chong.

00:39:21.000 Ching Chang Chong Ching.

00:39:24.000 Okay.

00:39:25.000 Well, first, first and foremost.

00:39:28.000 Yang.

00:39:29.000 Zing Ping Ling Lao.

00:39:37.000 Wait, why would you answer a Mandarin question in Thai?

00:39:42.000 It's a little fun trick that we do.

00:39:44.000 It's a Mandarin trick.

00:39:48.000 This is from a guy named Adam.

00:39:49.000 I think I could say your first names, right?

00:39:51.000 You're going to get fired.

00:39:52.000 They're going to track you down.

00:39:54.000 Hey, Gavin, do you have anything you usually do to tease your missus?

00:39:58.000 This dude has found an effective way.

00:40:00.000 What do I do to tease my wife?

00:40:04.000 I usually just talk about how much she wants to fuck me and stuff.

00:40:08.000 But he's got a link.

00:40:09.000 This is called Woman Can't Help Wretching.

00:40:14.000 And I watched this and it received a purple flag.

00:40:19.000 And while you're finding that, I'll start the next one, Ryan.

00:40:22.000 All right.

00:40:23.000 Gutentag, Gavin und Ryan.

00:40:25.000 I'm a long-term sob and baby monster from Germany.

00:40:29.000 Believe it or not, you're the only form of entertainment I watch these days.

00:40:32.000 There used to be some kind of similar German YouTube channels, but they all got purged and most of them weren't smart enough to start their own network.

00:40:43.000 By the way, speaking of compliments, I was thinking today about ball busting at the gym where I have this parka, this Ralph Lorenz parker, and twice now, guys have said at the gym, they've been like, hey, man, cool jacket.

00:40:54.000 My girlfriend has one just like that.

00:40:56.000 And I'm like, yeah, your girlfriend couldn't afford some like this.

00:40:59.000 Fuck you.

00:41:00.000 And then I walk out and when someone busts your balls and you bust their balls back, there's that haha moment.

00:41:06.000 And then like an hour later, you'll catch yourself looking in the reflection of like a store going, this is not a fucking chick jacket.

00:41:15.000 Fuck you.

00:41:16.000 Or they're like, nice nose, bitch.

00:41:18.000 You have like a woman's, you look like Barbie Benton.

00:41:21.000 Yeah?

00:41:22.000 Well, at least my nose isn't a crumpled up fucking pugilist nose.

00:41:25.000 It looks like someone shat it out and stuck it on your face.

00:41:29.000 And then like the next morning, you're brushing your teeth going, bitch nose.

00:41:34.000 Oh, I know what it is.

00:41:35.000 I'm sorry.

00:41:36.000 Hey, Maddie.

00:41:36.000 Yep.

00:41:37.000 You got to take that mic off the clip.

00:41:40.000 Yeah, okay.

00:41:40.000 It's interfering with the mic?

00:41:42.000 That's what it was.

00:41:43.000 Yep.

00:41:43.000 So people have been getting shitty audio this whole show?

00:41:45.000 No, no, no, no.

00:41:46.000 I just turned it on.

00:41:47.000 Okay.

00:41:48.000 And I had to just keep turning off the mic.

00:41:51.000 You bring me 8 to 10 hours of joy every week.

00:41:54.000 Now I'm turning into Arlen Schwarzenegger.

00:41:57.000 Anyway, we were talking about people in the Midwest, in the South, Texas, who speak German still.

00:42:03.000 And I said, I don't speak German, so I can't tell what they sound like.

00:42:07.000 I wish there was a German baby monster out there that could tell me.

00:42:10.000 So he did.

00:42:11.000 Nice.

00:42:12.000 He's broken it down into three groups.

00:42:14.000 One, they sound 100% like us today.

00:42:18.000 They talk like normal old people from parts that don't have a strong dialect.

00:42:22.000 We obviously don't say accent.

00:42:23.000 That's what fucking foreign people have.

00:42:25.000 Like Hamburger or Hanover.

00:42:27.000 So they've just perfectly preserved the German accent.

00:42:30.000 Number two, they forgot the language.

00:42:32.000 It reminded me a little bit about this Australian translator of Aborigines.

00:42:36.000 It was bullshit German from a person that barely speaks it anymore.

00:42:39.000 Grammar was false and everything was weird.

00:42:42.000 They basically oversold some old lady with dementia that forgot her language was from Bavaria where her dialect was loosely based on.

00:42:48.000 I noticed that too with New Orleans where I was like, yeah, I'm French.

00:42:53.000 And oh yeah, my cousin speaks French.

00:42:55.000 And I scoured, my girlfriend used to live there.

00:42:58.000 I scoured that fucking town because I speak French, trying to find someone who speaks French.

00:43:02.000 It's all a lie.

00:43:04.000 There are no French speakers in New Orleans.

00:43:08.000 There are people who pervert their slang with a few French sayings, but the idea of people speaking entire paragraphs in French in New Orleans is fucking bullshit.

00:43:19.000 And it sounds like this is what this guy discovered in parts of Texas.

00:43:24.000 Three, there's a third group of German speakers in America, people born and raised here who speak German on a regular basis, not immigrants.

00:43:33.000 Maybe the most interesting ones were talking like regular Germans when they would try to fake a Texas dialect.

00:43:41.000 Maybe this is actually legit, the grammar was correct, and a couple of people were talking that way.

00:43:46.000 So the third category he was saying sounded like a German trying to do a Texas accent, but still speaking German.

00:43:54.000 Which makes sense.

00:43:55.000 The Texas English, the twang there is melded with German.

00:44:00.000 Fascinating letter.

00:44:02.000 Did you find the fucking...

00:44:04.000 I've got the retching.

00:44:05.000 Okay.

00:44:06.000 This looks like a lot of fun.

00:44:08.000 She's hot as shit, dude.

00:44:09.000 How's work?

00:44:10.000 I love your outfit.

00:44:12.000 Great outfit.

00:44:13.000 I hope you don't puke on it when I make this sound.

00:44:18.000 That's right.

00:44:22.000 Dad?

00:44:23.000 Got the.

00:44:26.000 Why are you doing this?

00:44:29.000 Why is it so funny when your friends and loved ones wretch?

00:44:34.000 Shut up.

00:44:35.000 Lauren.

00:44:37.000 Hi, you look beautiful.

00:44:38.000 He's a nine.

00:44:39.000 Lovely.

00:44:40.000 I hope you don't throw off on your dress when I go like this.

00:44:43.000 Shout out.

00:44:43.000 I can't believe it.

00:44:45.000 There's people in my dress.

00:44:53.000 You look great in your dress again.

00:44:55.000 Part two.

00:44:57.000 But look at the sunset.

00:44:58.000 We should get something.

00:44:59.000 There's people.

00:44:59.000 Don't get it.

00:45:00.000 I hope people are.

00:45:00.000 There's people on your dress.

00:45:08.000 Don't get mad.

00:45:14.000 Laura.

00:45:15.000 No.

00:45:16.000 He knows it's coming.

00:45:17.000 I'm taking pictures.

00:45:18.000 Laura.

00:45:20.000 What happens when I do this?

00:45:21.000 No.

00:45:22.000 I'm not.

00:45:23.000 He stopped.

00:45:37.000 Laura.

00:45:38.000 No.

00:45:38.000 Just wait.

00:45:40.000 What happened when I make this huge?

00:45:41.000 No.

00:45:45.000 No.

00:45:49.000 You getting it?

00:45:54.000 Trying to make me wretch.

00:45:55.000 Hey, Lord.

00:45:56.000 All right, that's enough.

00:45:58.000 That reminds me, that used to be a fun thing we would do when people were wasted and puking.

00:46:01.000 We tried to make them puke again.

00:46:03.000 You know, when they were sort of at the edge of the party by the bushes, and they're like, oh.

00:46:07.000 And they finally got it together.

00:46:09.000 There's this guy, Jesse Pearson, and he had just been retching.

00:46:12.000 I think he was doing heroin at the time.

00:46:15.000 By the way, new shirts coming out.

00:46:17.000 We got no hypes, no pipes, which I think is really funny to be Gen X and like have a family and be wearing a shirt that says, I don't do heroin or crack.

00:46:28.000 No way, Jose.

00:46:30.000 No hypes, no pipes.

00:46:32.000 I don't break for queefs is coming out soon.

00:46:35.000 And the beauty of it, my wife pointed this out, I didn't realize this, it looks from afar like I don't break for queers.

00:46:40.000 And it's a monster truck.

00:46:42.000 So it's like I run over queers, which is awesome because someone will go, hey, man, your shirt's fucking, I don't appreciate that.

00:46:48.000 My brother's gay.

00:46:49.000 And you go, no, no, queefs.

00:46:52.000 If I'm having sex, and Eric goes, I don't care.

00:46:55.000 I don't want to talk about it.

00:46:57.000 I just keep on rolling.

00:46:58.000 That's it.

00:47:00.000 Don't make that into a Z-Kyle.

00:47:02.000 And then, oh yeah, G-O-M-L Lawn Care.

00:47:06.000 And it's Ryan on the front mowing a lawn, and then the back, it's flush and orange, and it looks exactly like a lawn care thing.

00:47:14.000 And then as I was talking to the artist, I was like, please make the drawing of Ryan as racist as humanly possible.

00:47:22.000 And don't forget that he's never been to a dentist in his life.

00:47:25.000 I don't appreciate that.

00:47:28.000 I said the quiet part out loud.

00:47:29.000 So maybe now you'll change it.

00:47:31.000 Since you know how I feel.

00:47:34.000 Yeah.

00:47:35.000 But.

00:47:37.000 Okay.

00:47:39.000 Wait, what was I talking about?

00:47:40.000 About getting the shirts, bro.

00:47:42.000 Yeah, before the shirts, though.

00:47:44.000 Wretching somebody at the party, heroin.

00:47:47.000 Oh, yeah.

00:47:47.000 So Jesse Pearson's there, and he's like, oh, and I go, how you doing, man?

00:47:52.000 He goes, not good, dude.

00:47:54.000 And I go, you puking?

00:47:55.000 He's like, stop.

00:47:57.000 You're retching.

00:47:59.000 Barf's coming out.

00:48:00.000 He goes, don't, don't.

00:48:01.000 And I go, I don't know where I came up with this, but it's one of the best lines I've ever said.

00:48:05.000 I go, I think I came up with it because I wanted him to barf so bad that I went into my brain and I was like, hey guys, wake up.

00:48:13.000 All right.

00:48:14.000 I need all hands on deck.

00:48:16.000 We're trying to make a person barf here.

00:48:18.000 I need to be really creative, really gross.

00:48:21.000 And so my brain, the people in the brain department came up with this.

00:48:24.000 They go, oh, our dads are naked.

00:48:26.000 Did you know that?

00:48:27.000 Our dads, they're naked.

00:48:29.000 My dad is naked with your dad.

00:48:31.000 And they're on all fours and their asses are touching.

00:48:34.000 What are they doing there?

00:48:35.000 They're pushing their asses together on all fours.

00:48:38.000 And there's butter, like big swabs of butter up and down your dad's ass crack and my dad's ass crack.

00:48:45.000 There's butter, melting butter.

00:48:47.000 It's on their ass cheeks.

00:48:48.000 And there's fucking, and this is what did it.

00:48:51.000 I go, there's fucking flies everywhere.

00:48:54.000 There's flies all over both.

00:48:56.000 And he just goes, oh my God, that's fucking disgusting.

00:49:03.000 Oh, man.

00:49:04.000 What?

00:49:04.000 There's nothing better than making someone barf.

00:49:07.000 Making a gorgeous woman come, pretty good.

00:49:11.000 It's no making your friends barf.

00:49:15.000 All right.

00:49:16.000 Next purple.

00:49:25.000 Are you taking calls yet, Ryan?

00:49:26.000 Yeah, we have the ability to take calls anytime that you're ready.

00:49:30.000 So call.

00:49:31.000 Has anyone called?

00:49:33.000 So far, so no.

00:49:35.000 How no?

00:49:36.000 We're on the decline.

00:49:37.000 I saw Nick Fuentes mention me mentioning him.

00:49:40.000 Yeah, you want to play that clip?

00:49:42.000 They think we're lame or something?

00:49:43.000 We don't think you're lame.

00:49:47.000 Right?

00:49:48.000 That's not the official stance of the show.

00:49:50.000 My beef with the Groipers is, and it's not a big beef, I love the Groipers.

00:49:53.000 They've got fucking balls.

00:49:55.000 We almost got canceled financially for going near them early on.

00:50:02.000 My only problem is if you're trad, get married and have babies.

00:50:07.000 Like, it's not like it's illegal.

00:50:09.000 So if you're 24 and you're still living at home and you haven't fucked a chick, you're wasting time.

00:50:17.000 Go out there.

00:50:18.000 Get laid.

00:50:19.000 Get married.

00:50:20.000 Put a ring on it.

00:50:21.000 There's nothing more traditional than that.

00:50:24.000 That's my only beef with them.

00:50:26.000 It's not a big beef.

00:50:27.000 Evan has been popping up on my YouTube timeline lately, and he's name-dropped you a few times for being on the no-fly list.

00:50:34.000 I used to listen to him in school in 2016.

00:50:36.000 But have you interacted now that you're famous?

00:50:39.000 No, not really.

00:50:41.000 He was at AFPAC 1, and I met him there, and I met him at the national conference, national file conference that happened two days before that.

00:50:51.000 Other than that, I don't think I've ever talked to him.

00:50:54.000 That's two conversations, Nick.

00:50:55.000 That's pretty good.

00:50:56.000 He was a huge part of my development.

00:50:59.000 I mean, I used to binge all his stuff for years when I was in high school.

00:51:03.000 So he's like a hero.

00:51:04.000 You know, even though, you know, we don't agree on everything these days.

00:51:10.000 He's not like a traditionalist.

00:51:12.000 He thinks we're lame or whatever.

00:51:16.000 But he still is a hero.

00:51:17.000 Still a hero of mine from what I'm saying.

00:51:19.000 If you're watching, can't I?

00:51:20.000 Get that fucking water bottle off of your desk.

00:51:24.000 It looks like shit.

00:51:26.000 Stop.

00:51:26.000 We got it.

00:51:27.000 We got it.

00:51:27.000 You're wearing a suit.

00:51:29.000 You got the ostensibly the New York City skyline behind you.

00:51:33.000 They got the Empire State Building there.

00:51:34.000 Everything looks fantastic.

00:51:35.000 You got your mug.

00:51:36.000 No one has a problem with the mug.

00:51:37.000 That fucking piece of garbage on your desk has got to go.

00:51:42.000 It can be in a pint glass, I guess.

00:51:44.000 It is one of the worst looks a person could have.

00:51:46.000 And the skyline does look good.

00:51:48.000 He's got things flying around.

00:51:49.000 When you have a water bottle in your shop, you made your joke.

00:51:54.000 Now you got a lie in it.

00:51:57.000 Hello, my bleeps.

00:51:59.000 We need to come up with a cool name for blacks.

00:52:02.000 Yeah, Canadians don't cut it no more.

00:52:04.000 Hello, my bleeps.

00:52:05.000 Just to add to your observations on the black alliance on Survivor, Big Brother had an even better example of this last season.

00:52:12.000 Six black contestants who hated each other throughout the season started an alliance called the Cookout, each befriending a white contestant to string along with the goal of getting all six to the end.

00:52:26.000 Each week, they eliminated their naive white puppet.

00:52:31.000 Like, this just sums up America.

00:52:33.000 This goes back to the Roosevelt statue and the little girl statue.

00:52:37.000 If you're playing a competitive game, then someone is going to take advantage of your weakness so they can win.

00:52:43.000 It's this exact same as dodgeball.

00:52:46.000 If they notice that you're not paying attention after a throw, then you want to try to get them after a throw.

00:52:52.000 White Americans, their weakness is this crippling fear of being seen as racist.

00:53:00.000 Like the fucking guy who held the Jews hostage at the synagogue.

00:53:04.000 The reason he got a visa, the reason he was allowed here, despite being a fucking world-renowned terrorist, was Britain didn't want to seem racist.

00:53:14.000 And America, American officials, they wouldn't hesitate to ban a proud boy, but the idea of banning a Muslim was so horrific that they just gave him a red carpet over to a synagogue where he kidnapped a bunch of Jews because he thought that would help free his sister because he's an inbred Muslim who is likely the son of first cousin cousin marriage.

00:53:39.000 I forget the name of fucking your first cousin.

00:53:42.000 It's like miskagination kind of a name, but it's not a good thing, especially generation after generation after generation.

00:53:49.000 So he's a piece of human garbage.

00:53:51.000 His sister's a psychotic, Lady Al-Qaeda, a psychotic anti-Semitic terrorist that wants Jews to die and is very vocal about it, wants all Americans to convert or die, would love to nuclear bomb Israel.

00:54:05.000 So bad people.

00:54:07.000 Got it?

00:54:09.000 But no, let's let him go.

00:54:12.000 And you see these young girls, like this past week, there's been like three beautiful young girls murdered by a black man because they were scared of being seen as racist.

00:54:26.000 So Westerners, British people, whites in America, they would literally rather die than be seen as bigots.

00:54:36.000 I'd rather be seen as a bigot.

00:54:38.000 It's like having a gun in New York City.

00:54:41.000 You're looking at five years.

00:54:42.000 It's illegal to have a handgun.

00:54:44.000 But if it comes down to shooting someone who's trying to kill me and doing some time, I'd rather be alive at Rikers than be dead in East New York.

00:54:55.000 Anyway, so that's why I purpled this particular letter because it's indicative of a much bigger problem here.

00:55:03.000 And I don't blame blacks.

00:55:06.000 Like there's a magic button on their desk that says, everything that you worked for is actually worth 10 times what you did because you were thwarted and you were held back.

00:55:17.000 And if you made 10 bucks, you actually deserve 100 bucks.

00:55:20.000 Who's not going to push that button?

00:55:22.000 My beef is the button being there and saying, blacks built this country and whites are dicks and everything is racist.

00:55:30.000 That's the issue.

00:55:32.000 Each week, they eliminated their naiveway puppet.

00:55:35.000 They even strung a Hispanic girl along, thinking she was in their person of color alliance.

00:55:41.000 She was cut at seven.

00:55:43.000 One of the six was a half Indian, dot, so she was obviously first to go once they reached the final six.

00:55:49.000 It was quite something to watch as each white contestant gladly gave up their chance for the money for the greater good of a black winner.

00:55:59.000 It was a great glimpse into our world at the moment.

00:56:02.000 Can you imagine an openly white alliance?

00:56:06.000 No, I cannot.

00:56:08.000 Ew, what are you fucking doing?

00:56:10.000 Snorting on the mic?

00:56:12.000 I'm sorry.

00:56:14.000 That was gross.

00:56:15.000 I'm surre.

00:56:23.000 Check out this Unbelievably Bass Now.

00:56:25.000 We'll make that an opening song some other time.

00:56:29.000 Gav, probably one of many, but Great Britain is England, Scotland, and Wales.

00:56:35.000 Wait, hold on with that.

00:56:37.000 Great Britain is England, Scotland, and Wales.

00:56:39.000 The United Kingdom is England, Scotland, Wales, and Northern Ireland.

00:56:44.000 Otherwise, it's officially called Great Britain and Northern Ireland, which it says on my passport.

00:56:49.000 I should know that.

00:56:51.000 Also, old gripe here, but why do you have your phone wallet in your back pocket?

00:56:55.000 That's what women do.

00:56:57.000 What?

00:57:00.000 If you ask women why they do it, it's because their clothes aren't made with adequate pockets.

00:57:03.000 You wear a fucking suit.

00:57:04.000 Inside pocket or front.

00:57:05.000 Yeah, my phone's often in my inside pocket.

00:57:07.000 But as far as normal attire goes, it's keys in the front, right?

00:57:16.000 And then your back pocket is your wallet and your phone.

00:57:22.000 Who puts their phone in their front pocket?

00:57:26.000 Am I crazy here?

00:57:28.000 I sometimes put it in the front if I'm sitting down and it feels like it's going to crunch, like it's crunching my screen or something.

00:57:34.000 Well, you wear the craziest fucking ripped jeans with your bubble butt.

00:57:40.000 You look like Lizzo, dude.

00:57:42.000 Thanks.

00:57:43.000 What are you wearing right now?

00:57:44.000 Are you still wearing your skin-tight jeans?

00:57:47.000 No, I'm wearing regular things.

00:57:53.000 Okay.

00:57:53.000 Yeah.

00:57:55.000 Where do you put your phone, Maddie?

00:57:57.000 Mostly in my back pocket.

00:58:00.000 Where do you put your wallet?

00:58:02.000 Um, I usually keep that in my coat in, like, a pocket up here.

00:58:07.000 Because I got a fucked up back episodic nerve, and I don't like to keep a big wallet in my pocket.

00:58:13.000 Okay.

00:58:14.000 You seem upset.

00:58:15.000 No.

00:58:18.000 Just sitting on a wallet that's kind of a little bit thicker is kind of like fucked up.

00:58:22.000 But then you must be forgetting it all the time.

00:58:24.000 Like when you drive, do you put it in the car door and shit?

00:58:29.000 No, I put it in the console in the middle.

00:58:32.000 You must forget it.

00:58:35.000 Occasionally.

00:58:36.000 I mean, it's no big deal.

00:58:38.000 Okay.

00:58:38.000 Speaking of my bubble butt, when my physique came up yesterday at Compound and Jim Norton was there, I'm really kicking myself that I didn't say, well, I've just been going to the gym.

00:58:49.000 Going to the gym and eats him better.

00:58:52.000 Because Ozzy Osborne was, this was a famous moment.

00:58:55.000 Ozzy Osborne was on the show, and he asked Jim, he's like, Jim, you look great, man.

00:58:59.000 What's the secret?

00:59:00.000 And then Jim Norton assumes an Irish accent for some reason.

00:59:03.000 He's like, to mirror his voice.

00:59:05.000 He's so nervous.

00:59:06.000 It's his hero.

00:59:07.000 And he goes, just going to the gym and eats him better.

00:59:10.000 And they just make fun of him forever because of it.

00:59:13.000 And I don't know if I could drop the needle on it.

00:59:16.000 My little soy sauce.

00:59:18.000 It fucking is my new favorite estate.

00:59:22.000 Hopefully you've heard the new one.

00:59:24.000 Is there a vine that I missed?

00:59:26.000 Last night?

00:59:28.000 Only the first line and then you're stabilized.

00:59:32.000 Oh.

00:59:32.000 Go a little bit.

00:59:33.000 Here's the thing.

00:59:33.000 Oh, way back.

00:59:34.000 Oh, way back.

00:59:36.000 All right.

00:59:36.000 And go to when I walk in.

00:59:38.000 Oh, no.

00:59:40.000 Here he goes.

00:59:41.000 I was outside doing the opening.

00:59:44.000 I don't know more.

00:59:45.000 Fast forward.

00:59:45.000 Right there.

00:59:46.000 I'm scared.

00:59:47.000 Hawaii.

00:59:48.000 Good to see you.

00:59:48.000 He's.

00:59:49.000 Ozzy, how are you guys?

00:59:50.000 Where you been?

00:59:51.000 I was outside doing the opening.

00:59:53.000 Oh, he's done it again.

00:59:54.000 That was a totally different time.

00:59:56.000 He turns Irish around Ozzy Osborne.

00:59:58.000 So I'm really upset at myself.

01:00:00.000 There's English.

01:00:01.000 Yeah, yeah, exactly.

01:00:02.000 Yeah.

01:00:04.000 He's from Birmingham.

01:00:05.000 Go to the chat.

01:00:07.000 Birmingham sounds pretty Irish.

01:00:10.000 You are on the air.

01:00:12.000 Yeah, let's take some calls.

01:00:13.000 He's a fucking loser.

01:00:15.000 Where's the super chat?

01:00:16.000 Has no one super chatted?

01:00:18.000 Oh, we've got him.

01:00:18.000 Okay, why does everyone get two?

01:00:20.000 Are they supposed to appear on the screen?

01:00:21.000 Thank you for calling.

01:00:22.000 It's great to have you for a second.

01:00:23.000 So what's happening with that?

01:00:24.000 They're coming up now.

01:00:25.000 Here they are.

01:00:28.000 Gone to the Gemini battle.

01:00:29.000 It's not like we're going to raise $1,500 in 55 minutes.

01:00:36.000 Are you pulling up a thing or should I do another letter?

01:00:38.000 Bam.

01:00:41.000 Should I read all these?

01:00:41.000 Please give me some leadership advice.

01:00:43.000 If any of them catch her up.

01:00:44.000 Because he started a healthcare acquisition business.

01:00:46.000 I don't know what that is.

01:00:48.000 But hipster, hacker, and a hustler.

01:00:52.000 You need a guy, a sales guy out there pulling in the money.

01:00:55.000 And don't, please don't trivialize his role.

01:00:57.000 You're nothing without your sales guy, the hustler who talks to people.

01:01:03.000 I assume in this business, he's doing the acquisitions.

01:01:06.000 You need a hacker who's figuring out what's wrong with your system, not just your computers, but the whole process from A to B. From you getting money in your bank account to you going out and finding these people, that whole system, that's the hacker.

01:01:22.000 And then the hipster is the sort of culturally aware dude that keeps it fun and cool and interesting and like works on the brand.

01:01:31.000 And sometimes there'll be a guy who's like 60% hipster and 40% hacker.

01:01:37.000 It's not like every single person has to be only that role.

01:01:41.000 Sometimes, you know, you can do, like I do a bit of sales stuff.

01:01:46.000 Ryan is the hipster and the hacker in many ways.

01:01:54.000 We have a hacker.

01:01:56.000 Anyway, that's my advice.

01:01:59.000 Super hot girls on Instagram post photos and videos of themselves half naked, but we'll write a full dissertation in the comments about having a crippling body dysmorphia.

01:02:09.000 Yeah.

01:02:11.000 Fellows, check out this Iraq war video.

01:02:13.000 Oh, thanks.

01:02:13.000 Guy's trying to get a channel going.

01:02:15.000 I know you like the war videos, as you are a true vet.

01:02:18.000 Shit.

01:02:19.000 I could dig up that link there.

01:02:21.000 So I don't know how to do...

01:02:22.000 We don't know how to do links on super chats.

01:02:23.000 I could grab it.

01:02:24.000 Okay, Faggot, you asked for it yesterday.

01:02:25.000 I'll send you $100 to suck a turd live on air.

01:02:28.000 Oh, yeah.

01:02:29.000 That's right.

01:02:30.000 Okay, I'll do that.

01:02:32.000 With a condom on.

01:02:33.000 Yeah, yeah, with a condom.

01:02:34.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:02:35.000 And it'll be my turd.

01:02:36.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:02:37.000 Not going out in the street.

01:02:38.000 Finding turds.

01:02:39.000 Story in the death of Kool about meeting Tommy Lee from Molly Cruz Hilarious.

01:02:43.000 Did you ever get to meet him again?

01:02:44.000 You know, it's funny you bring that up.

01:02:45.000 I've been thinking about that recently.

01:02:47.000 Really?

01:02:47.000 Yeah, about how what if we'd become best friends and I hadn't done that joke?

01:02:52.000 And the answer to that, Gavin, is no.

01:02:56.000 If you had kissed his ass and not done that joke, then you guys would have had like a couple beers and you'd never see him again.

01:03:02.000 You weren't about to become fucking Tweedledum and Tweedledee.

01:03:06.000 But the story is, Motley Crew was writing dirt, and the editor who was helping him was reading my book, Do's and Don'ts, or maybe it was The Vice Guide to Sex and Drugs and Rock and Roll.

01:03:16.000 And anytime Tommy was reticent to get really raunchy with a story, his editor would go, look, Gavin did this in this book, and it was funny.

01:03:24.000 So it made him ballsier with the story.

01:03:26.000 So he goes, I got to meet this guy.

01:03:27.000 So he was in New York.

01:03:28.000 I went to meet him.

01:03:30.000 And I thought, okay, this guy likes my humor.

01:03:32.000 We're on the same page.

01:03:33.000 We're bros.

01:03:34.000 I'm basically meeting my buddy from high school in Canada.

01:03:38.000 So he goes, he did that LA thing.

01:03:39.000 Yo, my brother, fucking, they love hugging over there.

01:03:43.000 And he puts his arm around me and he hugs me and he holds me close.

01:03:47.000 Pulls me in.

01:03:49.000 But this isn't why I did that joke.

01:03:51.000 And I go, I go, whoa, this guy's got a boner.

01:03:57.000 Pretty funny.

01:03:59.000 He does not enjoy the joke.

01:04:01.000 He looks at me like I'm a fag or whatever.

01:04:05.000 He goes and sits in a booth alone.

01:04:07.000 Eventually the waitress comes by.

01:04:08.000 He ends up seducing her, taking her to his room.

01:04:11.000 And then I'm stuck with the rest of his LA crew, which is like fucking affliction t-shirts.

01:04:17.000 They're all my age, right?

01:04:19.000 They're all in their 50s.

01:04:20.000 Ripped jeans, fucking torn denim.

01:04:24.000 Bald, but like with a little hat on to say I'm not bald with like a bandana.

01:04:30.000 Like they totally look like Tiger Kings posse.

01:04:34.000 Or at least that one guy who bought the thing at the end there with the bandana and the hat on.

01:04:39.000 That's his whole crew super LA'd out.

01:04:41.000 So they're obviously not funny either.

01:04:42.000 And they don't want to sit with me because they're like his ass kiss crew.

01:04:46.000 So they're not going to be like, that was a fucking funny boner joke, dude.

01:04:49.000 You totally made him uncomfortable.

01:04:52.000 So we're all just like this.

01:05:00.000 So after two sips of my beer, I realize Tommy's not coming back.

01:05:03.000 And I'm like, all right, I'm going to head out.

01:05:06.000 And I just leave $10 on the table and fucking leave.

01:05:11.000 Oh, we got.

01:05:13.000 Take a call, but then we got here.

01:05:18.000 Said, since there's nothing new under the sun, history repeats itself along with how it will be from the beginning, how it will happen again at the end.

01:05:24.000 Do you think women will be our downfall a la Eve?

01:05:26.000 Ooh.

01:05:27.000 Try to make us partake in evil.

01:05:29.000 It does seem like everything shitty goes back to women.

01:05:33.000 For real.

01:05:34.000 Like, what was I talking about the other day where something bad happened?

01:05:39.000 And I went, I gotta say, man, I can't help but think this was women.

01:05:43.000 Is it women or the fact that men have stepped down from their leadership role thus then?

01:05:47.000 Well, it's shit chests, right?

01:05:49.000 Yeah, but if men...

01:05:50.000 Oh, I remember what it was.

01:05:52.000 OAN is banned from Direct TV.

01:05:54.000 Oh, yeah, that's right.

01:05:54.000 Yep.

01:05:55.000 And I just, I heard that.

01:05:56.000 I just went, that's a woman.

01:06:00.000 That's a female exec who was getting shit from her friends, and she works at DirecTV, and their friends were like, why do you guys still have OAN?

01:06:08.000 It is racist.

01:06:10.000 It's Donald Trump.

01:06:11.000 And there was a really fun dinner party we were having, and Alexander Orqueza-Cortez was there.

01:06:16.000 And we couldn't invite you because you have OAN.

01:06:19.000 And she was like, OAN's gone.

01:06:21.000 It's done.

01:06:22.000 We're getting rid of it.

01:06:23.000 I just don't see a man cutting a fucking network from their broadcast service.

01:06:31.000 Doesn't seem right.

01:06:33.000 No.

01:06:34.000 It's pathetic.

01:06:35.000 Pathetic.

01:06:37.000 And they've got a huge range.

01:06:38.000 It's direct TV.

01:06:40.000 It's got what, 800 channels?

01:06:44.000 No, not on my watch.

01:06:46.000 No OAN.

01:06:47.000 And OAN is not censored.tv.

01:06:50.000 There's no faggot nigger jokes.

01:06:53.000 It's pretty straight.

01:06:54.000 It's Fox.

01:06:57.000 Made a GOML drinking game for the baby monsters sent to Mailbag.

01:07:02.000 Okay.

01:07:03.000 See it here.

01:07:04.000 Oh.

01:07:05.000 Oh.

01:07:06.000 Five bucks.

01:07:07.000 We're not going to get up to $1,500 with a bunch of five bucks.

01:07:11.000 I got it here.

01:07:13.000 And it is as follows.

01:07:18.000 Drink if Gavin touches his nose.

01:07:20.000 Drink at every segment bumper.

01:07:21.000 Drink if Gavin yells at Ryan.

01:07:22.000 Drink if Gavin talks in a Scottish accent.

01:07:24.000 Drink if Gavin mentions pedophiles.

01:07:26.000 Drink if Gavin mentions some punk band.

01:07:29.000 Pretty much you're just going to keep drinking.

01:07:31.000 I don't know what it is with the nose.

01:07:33.000 I apologize in advance.

01:07:34.000 It's a nose hair, for sure.

01:07:36.000 I have them too.

01:07:37.000 I will do that, and they'll be like, we got to find this fucking guy.

01:07:40.000 And I do.

01:07:41.000 It's not a nose hair, Ryan.

01:07:42.000 It's just like a twitch.

01:07:43.000 I don't know.

01:07:44.000 But you're squeezing it.

01:07:45.000 It always is a squeeze.

01:07:47.000 That's what makes it think it's internal.

01:07:48.000 Does it feel internal or external?

01:07:50.000 It just feels tickly.

01:07:51.000 I think it's a mustache hair that's curling up and tickling my nostrils.

01:07:56.000 Let me do this letter, another purple here.

01:07:58.000 What's up, my dudes?

01:08:00.000 Oh, that's another t-shirt, too.

01:08:01.000 Baby monsters.

01:08:03.000 Irish girl gets killed by a Muslim.

01:08:05.000 Wokeism is off the charts.

01:08:06.000 The subject here is, what's up, my dudes?

01:08:08.000 I told you that, right?

01:08:10.000 Nobody wants to talk about how these people can't assimilate to Western society.

01:08:15.000 Here's another thing about Muslims and raping, too.

01:08:18.000 They watch a ton of porn.

01:08:21.000 So they think when they see a blonde not in a burqa, they go, oh, I've seen you guys on my computer.

01:08:28.000 You're fucking whores that like to be choke fucked to death.

01:08:31.000 Well, I'm happy to oblige.

01:08:33.000 And they start choke fucking them.

01:08:35.000 The narrative is all men need change.

01:08:38.000 Here's a prominent zero COVID fag boner suggesting men should have to take a course in how to function in social settings.

01:08:45.000 Men should have to take a course.

01:08:48.000 So it's not Muslims, it's men.

01:08:51.000 And I remember that with the pulse shooting.

01:08:53.000 They were like, the problem here is conservatives and homophobia.

01:08:58.000 And you're like, I guess jihadists, in a sense, are conservatives.

01:09:04.000 I guess in their universe, they're definitely not liberal Muslims.

01:09:09.000 But I don't think that's the issue here.

01:09:12.000 I think it's the Quran.

01:09:14.000 But let's see what this fucking warthead has to say.

01:09:18.000 I mean, my view is, you know, to be radical, and I accept this radical, but, you know, you need 12 lessons to learn to drive a car.

01:09:25.000 You need a license to drive a car.

01:09:27.000 You need to do a test.

01:09:28.000 Do we need some sort of almost qualifications, licensing, education for men to go out into the social sphere?

01:09:37.000 Now, people would say, is that an impingement on our rights of free movement?

01:09:41.000 And obviously, we've all been through this through COVID, but as we've just heard, many women feel their ability to free move is really restricted because of danger.

01:09:51.000 So I think we need to think of new ways of doing things.

01:09:54.000 The same old, same old old work.

01:09:55.000 I'm delighted to hear the...

01:09:57.000 I mean, my view is...

01:09:59.000 I didn't...

01:10:00.000 Did you pick up any of that?

01:10:01.000 Yeah.

01:10:03.000 He's saying there's all this different rigmarole you have to go through to get a driver's license.

01:10:09.000 You should have to go through some sort of training.

01:10:11.000 Men should have to go through some sort of training in order to walk around in public.

01:10:16.000 Because we clearly have a rape problem on our hands, and it's men.

01:10:21.000 That's like priests rape boys.

01:10:24.000 Gay priests rape boys.

01:10:27.000 Men are kidnapping women and holding them.

01:10:30.000 Yeah, Muslim men are.

01:10:33.000 Can you retell the weird, weird story from The Death of the Cool, one of the most hilarious stories I've ever heard?

01:10:38.000 Okay.

01:10:40.000 Derek Beckles and I had just moved to New York City in 1999.

01:10:44.000 I was making money for the first time in my life.

01:10:46.000 I had on a Russian drug dealer track suit on with a big gold chain, much bigger than this.

01:10:52.000 It was all real.

01:10:53.000 I had gold teeth, gold rings on every finger.

01:10:56.000 I was nigger rich.

01:10:58.000 And we were, and he was black.

01:11:01.000 He still is, actually.

01:11:03.000 And we were walking home from somewhere in the West Village.

01:11:07.000 Oh, it was Gavin Brown Gallery.

01:11:09.000 No relation.

01:11:11.000 And this car full of black whores pull up in a Honda Civic, and they look like a Nicki Minaj video.

01:11:20.000 They have like green, they're punk, basically.

01:11:22.000 They're wearing lingerie.

01:11:23.000 Their fucking nails are nuts.

01:11:25.000 Like they look like zombie whores Versus the surf Nazis, like some crazy B-movie horror flick that some kid did.

01:11:37.000 In remember Troma?

01:11:39.000 Like that kind of shit.

01:11:40.000 They are over the fucking top.

01:11:43.000 And I'm like, let's fuck them.

01:11:44.000 So they pull up and they go, hey, where are y'all headed?

01:11:47.000 And I go, we were vegetarians at the time.

01:11:50.000 I go, we're going to get veggie burgers.

01:11:53.000 And they go, they didn't never heard of a veggie burger.

01:11:55.000 And they go, okay, well, let's go with you.

01:11:59.000 Now we're headed to St. Mark's and whatever that is, third.

01:12:03.000 There was a burger joint there that had great veggie burgers.

01:12:06.000 No, this all sounds insane.

01:12:08.000 And they go, okay, well, we'll drive you there.

01:12:10.000 I was like, hop, let's hop in.

01:12:12.000 So there's two girls in the front, one in the middle.

01:12:14.000 Derek gets in the back seat.

01:12:16.000 I get in the back seat.

01:12:17.000 And they go, ooh.

01:12:19.000 Instantly, it's all about how they're going to fuck us.

01:12:22.000 And I'm like, all right, hold on.

01:12:24.000 It takes me a little bit to get a boner here.

01:12:26.000 I've just met you, but I'm in.

01:12:29.000 And they're driving.

01:12:31.000 And they go, ooh.

01:12:32.000 And she's looking at me and she goes, I bet you got a big old dick.

01:12:36.000 Like, probably, I want to say that to the black guy, but okay, yeah, sure.

01:12:41.000 And then she goes, where is this place?

01:12:44.000 I'm like, it's on St. Mark's, blah, blah.

01:12:46.000 And she goes, she goes, I got to fuck you.

01:12:49.000 I think I got to fuck you right now.

01:12:52.000 All right.

01:12:52.000 I didn't know.

01:12:53.000 Part of it, like, this is my dick, by the way.

01:12:56.000 My asshole dick was like, dude, you're so fucking hot and these girls are so horny that she needs to pull over to fuck you.

01:13:04.000 And I was like, wow, dick, you're perceptive.

01:13:07.000 I believe you.

01:13:09.000 This guy's been lying to me since 1984 when I turned 14.

01:13:13.000 And I keep believing him.

01:13:15.000 Just today, my wife asked me if I was going to be around for a while this morning.

01:13:19.000 I was like, someone's putting on a lingerie outfit to blow me.

01:13:26.000 That was not the case.

01:13:27.000 Anyway, she pulls over by a fire hydrant.

01:13:32.000 She leans her chair back.

01:13:34.000 So now, like, it's touching my chin.

01:13:36.000 And she turns around and she's like rubbing my face and she's like, oh, I'm going to suck your dick and you're going to fuck me in my ass.

01:13:44.000 I was like, all right, well, hold on.

01:13:46.000 So I pull my pants down and my dick is like, the adrenaline is pumping.

01:13:50.000 My dick is like worse than Ryan's, if you can even imagine.

01:13:54.000 It's just a sad little baby dick.

01:13:56.000 But I'm thinking, maybe I'll get a boner.

01:13:58.000 And as she's like cooing and, oh, fuck, I'm going to fuck you.

01:14:02.000 I'm like, yeah, okay, let's get set up here.

01:14:05.000 I see the woman that's between Derek and I reach behind her and grab a thing of wet wipes.

01:14:10.000 And I was like, wet wipes, huh?

01:14:13.000 And this is in my movie, Death of Cool, which has been killed by Vice.

01:14:18.000 It's sitting on a shelf.

01:14:19.000 It'll never see the light of day.

01:14:20.000 But this entire scene, we have black actresses.

01:14:24.000 Like, it's all there, including my fantasy, which was, and again, this was this guy, we're going to fuck these girls, like, every weekend.

01:14:32.000 And then it'll be like that Beastie Boy song.

01:14:34.000 We'll all switch places when we ring the bell.

01:14:36.000 And they're going to become, like, sometimes we'll go to Queens where they live.

01:14:40.000 Sometimes they'll come to our place.

01:14:42.000 And it's going to become this incredible sexual, fucking cool club where we just like bone all the time and do Coke and listen to music.

01:14:52.000 And this is the beginning of something awesome.

01:14:55.000 What the fuck was I thinking?

01:15:00.000 Anyway, when I saw the wet wipes come down, I thought, these aren't just three beautiful young black girls who happen to notice that Derek and I are incredibly attractive and charming.

01:15:12.000 These are whores.

01:15:13.000 She looks like a fucking third great hooker.

01:15:16.000 And then I thought, wait, if you're a whore, you probably don't like me very much.

01:15:21.000 You're probably not interested in me in the long term.

01:15:24.000 So as I was thinking this, I had a chain around my neck that was like a real chain, like a chain link fence.

01:15:33.000 No, not like a chain link fence, like a chain that you would use to like pull a truck out of mud.

01:15:37.000 But it was gold.

01:15:40.000 And as I was going like, this is my, she was unscrewing it with her hands and putting it into her, I didn't notice.

01:15:49.000 And then finally my instincts kick in and I start going too weird, too weird, too weird.

01:15:57.000 And then I look over at Derek and I go, too weird, too weird, too weird, too weird.

01:16:01.000 And then he looks over at me and he starts going, too weird, too weird, too weird, too weird.

01:16:05.000 And then we both are yelling at each other going, too weird, too weird, too weird, too weird.

01:16:09.000 And we open up the doors.

01:16:11.000 He jumps out.

01:16:12.000 I jump out.

01:16:13.000 My pants are still in my ankles, by the way.

01:16:15.000 And then they peel out like, they peel down whatever it was, 3rd Street.

01:16:24.000 And I'm left there and I go, did we just blow a chance for like this permanent fuck gang?

01:16:34.000 Or did we just save our own lives?

01:16:36.000 And he goes, I don't know.

01:16:37.000 Where's your chain?

01:16:38.000 It's gone.

01:16:40.000 And we both had our wallets, thank God.

01:16:42.000 I guess mine was at my ankles because I said, where's your wallet?

01:16:45.000 And he had it.

01:16:47.000 And we just thought after they were, so clearly we were getting hustled.

01:16:52.000 We did get hustled.

01:16:53.000 I lost a $700 chain.

01:16:55.000 But afterwards, we were like, luckily you came across some Canadian pussies who don't have guns and yell too weird, too weird and jump out of cars.

01:17:04.000 What if we were like Albanian Coke dealers who were armed?

01:17:09.000 Like, you're dead.

01:17:11.000 That was pretty brave, you dumb horse.

01:17:14.000 Anyway, that's the...

01:17:16.000 You guys had such good instincts.

01:17:18.000 You made Columbo look like Mr. Magoo, babe, Baylor.

01:17:22.000 So that's Dennis.

01:17:25.000 That's Jesse Lee, Dennis Miller.

01:17:30.000 Dennis Lee Peterson.

01:17:31.000 Dennis Lee Peterson.

01:17:33.000 Okay.

01:17:35.000 Maddie, you seem a little quiet over there.

01:17:37.000 No, I was paying attention to the story.

01:17:38.000 It's the first time I've heard it.

01:17:40.000 Oh, really?

01:17:40.000 You seem a little disgusted with me.

01:17:42.000 No, no, no, no.

01:17:43.000 He disapproves.

01:17:44.000 No, no, no.

01:17:45.000 I'm embarrassed in my lack of street smarts.

01:17:48.000 Plus, it's not like it happened at 3 p.m.

01:17:51.000 This is like 3 a.m.

01:17:52.000 We've been doing blow, getting wasted.

01:17:54.000 So when I saw a bunch of hot fucking black chicks in lingerie who were told me they were dying to fuck me, My dick took over and said that's true, guys.

01:18:07.000 Come on, man.

01:18:08.000 All of a sudden, you were Don Juan.

01:18:11.000 Yeah, he made Don Juan look like Pablo Diasco Mar.

01:18:18.000 Do you want to take a call?

01:18:19.000 Yeah.

01:18:20.000 All right.

01:18:21.000 Who do we got?

01:18:22.000 Well, I'll tell you.

01:18:23.000 It's Catfish.

01:18:26.000 Hello, Catfish.

01:18:27.000 Yo, Gab.

01:18:28.000 Yo.

01:18:30.000 Hey, I need to get paid.

01:18:32.000 You never paid me for the Warren Coffs bumper.

01:18:34.000 Ooh.

01:18:35.000 Oh, kind of awkward.

01:18:37.000 Let's handle this off the air.

01:18:43.000 Listen, they're going to come to New York.

01:18:44.000 I'm going to break your fucking knee, Cat.

01:18:46.000 There's no need for that, sir.

01:18:47.000 There's no need for that.

01:18:48.000 We'll be paying you presently by and by.

01:18:50.000 I apologize.

01:18:51.000 That's a miscommunication.

01:18:55.000 No, for real, Ryan, will you check the mailbag?

01:19:00.000 You don't know what I'm talking about, right?

01:19:01.000 Yeah, take a note of that, Ryan.

01:19:02.000 We'll definitely get that money to you tomorrow at the latest.

01:19:08.000 Sorry about that.

01:19:10.000 Very good.

01:19:10.000 Do you consider that my one thing?

01:19:13.000 Yes, thanks for calling.

01:19:14.000 This guy's like, I don't even know what to say.

01:19:17.000 Hello to my favorite Scottish-Canadian Budweiser receptacle and his Puerto Rican mantis shrimp babysitter.

01:19:22.000 I typically do not find content that would be entertaining enough for your show.

01:19:26.000 Thank you for using that discretion.

01:19:28.000 I'm not sending as something that everyone's seen 9 million times.

01:19:31.000 However, I recently stumbled across a video which nearly destroyed my faith in society.

01:19:36.000 I do not really even know how to explain it.

01:19:39.000 I think you will find it interesting at least.

01:19:41.000 And again, I've pre-screened these letters.

01:19:43.000 This got a purple flag.

01:19:45.000 Okay, so I'm looking at the flags.

01:19:47.000 Oh, it's called I Don't Even Know What to Say.

01:19:50.000 And it's superb.

01:19:52.000 And we're done with purples.

01:19:53.000 I think we should.

01:19:55.000 Okay, good.

01:19:59.000 Yep.

01:19:59.000 So much quality letters here.

01:20:01.000 It's amazing.

01:20:02.000 I think we should pivot to the paychats and then also maybe calls, but these pay chats are...

01:20:09.000 I don't know if we're going to be able to tackle them.

01:20:44.000 Why does it have makeup on?

01:20:51.000 This is amazing.

01:20:52.000 I don't even know what's going on.

01:20:53.000 It has makeup on its face.

01:20:55.000 Yeah.

01:20:56.000 Like foundation, like your mom.

01:20:58.000 It's got like blush on the cheek.

01:21:00.000 I checked out the rest of this guy's channel.

01:21:02.000 It's a lot of...

01:21:07.000 It's a lot of poorly done classical music, but he can play instruments.

01:21:18.000 What are you reading?

01:21:20.000 Yeah, like...

01:21:21.000 The notes?

01:21:26.000 Imagine finding out you're turned on by this.

01:21:28.000 You're like, oh shit, this is my thing.

01:21:29.000 Imagine this was stuck in your head all day.

01:21:31.000 Oh, Jesus Christ.

01:21:33.000 What is this supposed to be like that ASMR or whatever?

01:21:36.000 Oh, yeah, maybe.

01:21:38.000 ASMR.

01:21:39.000 What are you reading, dude?

01:21:41.000 And why are you quiet right now?

01:21:46.000 What's this now?

01:21:51.000 What the?

01:21:59.000 I could watch this all day.

01:22:08.000 Do you think this is good?

01:22:09.000 What is the name of it?

01:22:10.000 Are you happy with...

01:22:11.000 What's the name of it, Ryan?

01:22:14.000 A general interpreter.

01:22:16.000 No, interrupter to ongoing activity.

01:22:21.000 So it's just there to mind fuck you.

01:22:24.000 As a non-vocalist, I appreciated the seeing of the hard work and effort.

01:22:28.000 What?

01:22:29.000 A non-vocalist, I suppose.

01:22:31.000 Yeah, I appreciate your effort, sir.

01:22:35.000 My son's on the cover of a magazine.

01:22:41.000 All right, that's enough of that.

01:22:43.000 Let's get some super chat.

01:22:45.000 I'm dreading that.

01:22:46.000 We have half an hour left.

01:22:48.000 I bet the super chats are up to like 80 bucks.

01:22:51.000 There's a bunch.

01:22:52.000 No, I see a couple hundreds, couple 25s.

01:22:54.000 Okay.

01:22:55.000 At least broke 500.

01:22:59.000 At least.

01:23:01.000 Okay, so here we go.

01:23:03.000 We have one on the screen there.

01:23:06.000 Swab Oasis call people from the Middle East sand niggers.

01:23:09.000 We jokingly call people from Alaska snow niggers.

01:23:12.000 Can we start calling madly retarded folks sprain niggers?

01:23:15.000 Yes, you may.

01:23:18.000 Okay, footage of Hila Klein from her time in the IDF.

01:23:23.000 Okay, these links I have to find.

01:23:25.000 I have to go in there.

01:23:26.000 Sprinkles.

01:23:28.000 Crazy hot matrix I have to look up.

01:23:31.000 Matrix.

01:23:32.000 Someone just sent us a letter.

01:23:34.000 Looks pretty cool.

01:23:35.000 Snuff film from today, LAPD Motorcycle Chase.

01:23:39.000 This is up Maddie's alley.

01:23:41.000 It might get him out of his shell.

01:23:42.000 Snuff films.

01:23:44.000 I mean, somebody dies.

01:23:46.000 Yeah.

01:23:47.000 We're not going to your Sprinkles thing, dude.

01:23:51.000 Not for $10.

01:23:53.000 Oh.

01:23:54.000 Is that it?

01:23:56.000 Look how fast.

01:23:57.000 That's got to be like 90.

01:23:59.000 Sport bike.

01:24:01.000 I mean, to do that amount of damage to the front of the car, that's a hard hit.

01:24:05.000 Have you gone that fast in the city?

01:24:08.000 I've driven pretty fast through New York City.

01:24:12.000 I hate that you guys say...

01:24:13.000 What do you say if you're not going 90, you're not going?

01:24:15.000 If you're not doing 90, you're not moving.

01:24:17.000 Oh, fuck, 90.

01:24:19.000 Whoa!

01:24:23.000 Yeah, he was launched about a good 60 feet in the air.

01:24:28.000 Let's see that again.

01:24:30.000 Was he on a police...

01:24:31.000 Was it a police chase?

01:24:33.000 I don't know.

01:24:34.000 Are you just fucking...

01:24:36.000 That's got to be like drunk driving.

01:24:39.000 He disappeared.

01:24:42.000 Oh, no, I guess he's in front of that corner.

01:24:45.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:24:47.000 Yeah, the guy gets kind of lost.

01:24:51.000 That's like one of those videos on crazy shit.com.

01:24:54.000 You ever go to that video?

01:24:55.000 I mean, a helicopter's chase him, so it's probably a police chase.

01:24:58.000 Yeah, yeah, there'd be no reason to record him otherwise.

01:25:03.000 Unless it was the last episode of the Truman show.

01:25:08.000 Oh, we sing the Crazy Hot Matrix, sir.

01:25:10.000 It's like crazy and hot.

01:25:12.000 God, don't fucking send me the Crazy Hot Matrix.

01:25:14.000 Here's a good letter.

01:25:15.000 Is it true Maddie killed Gary to get the gig here?

01:25:20.000 Let's just skip that.

01:25:21.000 Hot shit.

01:25:21.000 Yeah, we'll skip it.

01:25:23.000 It is kind of a weird coincidence that Gary vanished.

01:25:26.000 What was your you run into Gary a few times, right?

01:25:31.000 Yeah.

01:25:31.000 Hot shit.

01:25:33.000 Every time I saw him, he's like, it's my birthday.

01:25:36.000 You got $5?

01:25:39.000 Every day is his birthday.

01:25:41.000 Well, that's good.

01:25:41.000 You ever had a long conversation with him?

01:25:43.000 No.

01:25:44.000 Very brief.

01:25:45.000 He's a thousand years old.

01:25:47.000 Every day is his birthday.

01:25:48.000 Terrible.

01:25:49.000 He doesn't even question, like, how do you know my name?

01:25:52.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:25:53.000 It's just, hey, it's my birthday.

01:25:56.000 You got $5?

01:25:57.000 I'm like, oh, Jesus.

01:26:01.000 God bless him wherever he is.

01:26:02.000 I had a cop buddy look into him.

01:26:04.000 Yeah, yeah, he's.

01:26:05.000 And he's like, this is not atypical with bums.

01:26:09.000 They don't have any kind of records.

01:26:11.000 They don't buy shit on Amazon and have it shipped to their house.

01:26:14.000 So they don't exist.

01:26:16.000 But he goes, I think I found him and he was at some home up in Westchester.

01:26:21.000 There's one up in Valhallabada County Jail, the VOA or something like that.

01:26:25.000 Volunteers of America.

01:26:26.000 Big homeless shelter.

01:26:30.000 Am I still looking for an older, cool car?

01:26:33.000 Yes.

01:26:33.000 It's not really too old, but it's kind of interesting.

01:26:35.000 It's 2003, 2004, Infinity.

01:26:38.000 Yeah, it's one thing to name the car, but like, I got to find it for sale in America.

01:26:44.000 But let's look at it.

01:26:45.000 Infinite M45.

01:26:48.000 Infinity M45.

01:26:49.000 All the people who were helping me look just sort of got bored.

01:26:52.000 I don't really like that.

01:26:55.000 It's boring.

01:26:57.000 All right, let's take a call.

01:26:58.000 Let's talk to a human.

01:27:00.000 Human.

01:27:03.000 Human.

01:27:04.000 Mark.

01:27:06.000 Hey, Mark.

01:27:08.000 It's about time you fucking come.

01:27:13.000 All right.

01:27:14.000 That was my lead Yorkshire accent.

01:27:18.000 That's a tough accent.

01:27:19.000 Anyway, yeah.

01:27:21.000 Or dialect.

01:27:23.000 All right.

01:27:24.000 So you guys hear about that white chick in LA that was killed?

01:27:29.000 Yep.

01:27:31.000 That's what I was just talking about.

01:27:32.000 She had a bad vibe about this dude, and she didn't call 911 because she didn't want to appear racist.

01:27:38.000 Yeah, I mean, that's unfortunate.

01:27:40.000 But there's this thing where the bleach like to say that it's like missing white woman syndrome or something.

01:27:51.000 Yeah.

01:27:54.000 And I feel like that's like something that they're trying to push again here because it's like, oh, there's all these, you know, like black women that go missing and are being killed in Chicago.

01:28:03.000 It's like, yeah, by who?

01:28:06.000 Yeah, there's that.

01:28:07.000 And it's also, it's the same with American Indians where they go, you know, 3,000 or 30,000, the numbers are insane.

01:28:15.000 30,000 American Indian women go missing every year and no one cares.

01:28:20.000 And you're like, really?

01:28:21.000 Is it like a big van is pulling up and throwing them in and then like sending them to Afghanistan where they become whores?

01:28:27.000 No.

01:28:28.000 It's drug addicts and alcoholics who just leave their families, leave their culture, their background, and they go vanish with some fucking crack dealer and end up in like Venice Beach with no ID.

01:28:41.000 Like we would, the idea of like a cute little black girl vanishing, that would dominate the news.

01:28:47.000 But it's very rarely that.

01:28:49.000 It's always like she voluntarily got caught up with the wrong people and ended up going on a fucking crack bender.

01:28:57.000 Sorry.

01:28:59.000 Yeah, it's kind of like that one like prostitute chick that was like 17 that killed her John in New York, the black chick, but they tried to make that into a racist thing back when that other chick, that other white girl was killed by her boyfriend or whatever,

01:29:16.000 that YouTube girl.

01:29:17.000 Yeah, believe me.

01:29:19.000 If there was an innocent middle-class black girl working at Chipotle that got murdered by anyone, but especially a fucking MAGA dude, oh my.

01:29:30.000 Look at George Floyd.

01:29:32.000 You don't think we pay attention to black death enough?

01:29:36.000 Thanks for calling.

01:29:38.000 I was talking to my wife about this the other day, by the way.

01:29:40.000 Can you fucking imagine if all of these Asians in New York getting shoved in front of trains were getting shoved by MAGA dudes and they were doing it because Trump said that COVID came from China.

01:29:57.000 Or at least one of them said that and the others might have been acting accordingly.

01:30:02.000 Oh my God.

01:30:05.000 We'd all have to move to like fucking Liberia.

01:30:10.000 I mean the entire country would be in flames.

01:30:12.000 Instead, it's just like there's a hate crime problem here and it's kind of remember that at the beginning they were really pushing whites.

01:30:22.000 They were like and then they started going towards the end of that they were like it's blacks enacting white supremacy and you're like going to be tough and now they've just said let's just not talk about it Gav, you're the most clear-sighted person I've ever watched your generation you're you're our generation's Thomas Jefferson couldn't agree more sir The fact that your voice has been removed from the mainstream conversation is a fucking travesty please for the sake of the West never stop fighting and please accept my dollars 100.

01:30:53.000 Thank you.

01:30:53.000 I'm not taking your dollars though of course I'm giving them to Max and John But yeah You know, I'm working on this book, and I'll tell you more about it later.

01:31:06.000 But Alan Froyer, stupidest name in the world, from the New York Times, called me and he said, You were at Gen 6.

01:31:14.000 I told you this before, right?

01:31:16.000 And I go, No, I wasn't.

01:31:17.000 And he goes, He goes, He starts yelling at me.

01:31:20.000 He goes, You think I'm fucking stupid?

01:31:21.000 I've met you.

01:31:22.000 And I go, Okay, well, I'm just lying then.

01:31:26.000 And he goes, We have the New York Times, we have pictures of you at Gen 6.

01:31:30.000 And I'm like, No, you don't.

01:31:33.000 Then he sends me a picture of some dude who does look sort of like me.

01:31:37.000 And I go, that's not me.

01:31:39.000 And he goes, Yes, it is, you liar.

01:31:41.000 And I'm in the car with my kids.

01:31:43.000 We were coming back from boxing, like kids' lessons.

01:31:45.000 So I've got my little boy's friend, and I'm in the car going, that's not fucking me, you idiot.

01:31:52.000 I go, if it comes to this, fine, check the ears, check the ears.

01:31:56.000 They're like fingerprints.

01:31:57.000 Look at his ear.

01:31:58.000 Look at my ear.

01:31:59.000 And he had a picture of me with him.

01:32:02.000 And then he said something I thought was very profound.

01:32:05.000 He didn't mean it to be profound, but he goes, wow, I got to hand it to you.

01:32:10.000 You keep, was it, you keep fighting or you don't give up?

01:32:16.000 Now, that's very heavy that a journalist from the New York Times is saying that to me in that context.

01:32:23.000 Because what he really means is, I'm here to sabotage you and fuck with your life and make you quit.

01:32:29.000 I'm not here for the truth.

01:32:31.000 I'm not here to, you know, examine January 6th and see if you were there.

01:32:35.000 That's not why I'm here.

01:32:37.000 I'm here to break you and you're still not broken.

01:32:42.000 And I'm impressed.

01:32:43.000 It was like he was taking out the entrails.

01:32:45.000 Yeah, that's the picture he sent me.

01:32:47.000 It's like he's pulling out the entrails of Braveheart.

01:32:50.000 Not that I'm Braveheart, but you know what I mean.

01:32:51.000 And I refuse to comply.

01:32:53.000 Like he was like, wow, I keep torturing you and you keep bouncing back.

01:32:58.000 And I like, that's a major part of my new book because that to me says so much, not about me, but about him.

01:33:05.000 That he wasn't there for the truth.

01:33:07.000 He wasn't like, holy shit, I just checked the ears.

01:33:09.000 Okay, so we're rethinking that.

01:33:12.000 That wasn't his attitude.

01:33:13.000 His attitude was like, wow, I keep fucking you.

01:33:16.000 I keep stabbing you and you keep getting up.

01:33:19.000 That's exactly, that's, I'm glad I just said that.

01:33:22.000 I keep stabbing you and you keep getting up.

01:33:24.000 That's what he was basically saying.

01:33:27.000 In other words, I'm not here to do anything but stab people and hope they don't get up.

01:33:32.000 I'm a serial killer.

01:33:34.000 I'm a New York Times journalist.

01:33:37.000 His message continues.

01:33:39.000 Oh.

01:33:39.000 There's a limit on these guys.

01:33:40.000 You've got to be careful.

01:33:45.000 Also, take her easy on Ryan.

01:33:46.000 The dude's a real talent.

01:33:47.000 Blah, blah, blah for fuck's sake.

01:33:48.000 What doesn't Maddie know?

01:33:50.000 He interjects with crazy facts.

01:33:51.000 I Google and I'm like, holy fuck, that dude knows everything.

01:33:53.000 He really does.

01:33:54.000 Yeah, you know what's weird, Maddie?

01:33:56.000 Someone at the gym, you know, in between rounds, came up to me and he's like, how does that fucking Maddie guy know so much shit?

01:34:06.000 I've lived an interesting life.

01:34:10.000 And he was like, he's talking about salt water and BRCA, what is it called?

01:34:15.000 Brackish water, yeah, yeah.

01:34:16.000 Brackish water and shit.

01:34:19.000 And I'm like, dude, he knew about the camera lenses and like the different color gels.

01:34:25.000 The guy said, like, like, he's from New Rochelle.

01:34:28.000 How the fuck does he know about fishing?

01:34:30.000 Born and raised in New Rochelle.

01:34:31.000 You don't fish in New Rochelle.

01:34:32.000 And I go, you do down by the park.

01:34:35.000 But I didn't have a good answer, but I go, maybe in prison you're sitting around with people and like you meet a guy who fished, you meet a guy who had a mantis shrimp.

01:34:47.000 You meet a guy who...

01:34:47.000 Who's your cellmate, Google?

01:34:50.000 Who used to be a welder?

01:34:52.000 And you just shoot the shit enough that you like know tons of shit.

01:34:56.000 Who was locked up with Siri and Mr. Jeeves?

01:34:58.000 What's your answer?

01:34:58.000 How do you know so much trivia?

01:35:01.000 I don't know.

01:35:02.000 I read a lot.

01:35:03.000 I mean, I've lived a cultured life.

01:35:06.000 I've been around the world.

01:35:08.000 I started traveling at a very young age.

01:35:11.000 I pay attention.

01:35:12.000 I'm perceptive.

01:35:14.000 I have a pretty good recollection.

01:35:17.000 Like, if I go to Japan, I'm asking Maddie where to go.

01:35:20.000 Yeah, I've been to Japan three times.

01:35:21.000 I'm going to be like, what's, you know, I literally would ask him over my dad.

01:35:25.000 Not because I don't have access to my dad.

01:35:28.000 It's because he knows.

01:35:29.000 That's all right.

01:35:29.000 You can call me Daddy.

01:35:31.000 Do you have access to your dad, Ryan?

01:35:34.000 Yes, I do.

01:35:35.000 Okay, call him.

01:35:36.000 Yeah, he's probably busy.

01:35:38.000 Oh, give him a call.

01:35:39.000 Nah, you know, in Japanese hours, when he's in L.A., it's perfect time.

01:35:45.000 They call it Shih Tsuni.

01:35:46.000 7 o'clock.

01:35:47.000 They call it Shitsu ni noemade.

01:35:50.000 Give him a jingle.

01:35:53.000 No, because you know what hour it is?

01:35:55.000 It's Gochu Su Samodesuka.

01:35:57.000 Day.

01:35:58.000 Come on, please, please call him.

01:36:01.000 Hey, Siri, call dad.

01:36:03.000 Dad.

01:36:06.000 Father.

01:36:06.000 Maybe you have to put in air quotes for Siri to know what you mean.

01:36:10.000 Hey, Siri, call dad.

01:36:12.000 Call sperm donor.

01:36:15.000 If we weird him out, then he'll never pick up.

01:36:18.000 Ryan, I'm playing with my new motorcycle.

01:36:22.000 I put in the living room.

01:36:26.000 Hey, Ryan.

01:36:27.000 What's up, Dad?

01:36:30.000 Hey, man, what are you up to?

01:36:31.000 Happy New Year.

01:36:32.000 Oh, yeah.

01:36:32.000 Happy New Year.

01:36:35.000 I'm so sorry I missed you last time, but I'm thinking I might be going there sometime soon.

01:36:43.000 Yeah.

01:36:44.000 Cool.

01:36:44.000 Yeah, well, we were thinking about maybe we have some vacation time coming up after the summer, like at the end of the summer.

01:36:50.000 So we can plan some.

01:36:52.000 You should come over.

01:36:53.000 You can stay with me.

01:36:55.000 And even don't wait until summer.

01:36:58.000 Oh, you cannot take a vacation?

01:37:01.000 You know what?

01:37:01.000 Maybe a little sooner, but the reason why it has to be so late in the summer is because the baby can't travel so early, so young.

01:37:08.000 Oh, I see.

01:37:09.000 I see.

01:37:10.000 So when I get there, I might be going there, February.

01:37:14.000 Okay.

01:37:14.000 I don't know.

01:37:15.000 That's great.

01:37:15.000 That's right around the corner.

01:37:17.000 Yeah, if I get the bigger room in the city, can you guys come over to stay?

01:37:21.000 Oh, yeah.

01:37:22.000 Because I don't have time to go there.

01:37:24.000 West.

01:37:25.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, I hear you.

01:37:26.000 Well, it's not a problem.

01:37:27.000 We could definitely visit you down there.

01:37:30.000 Okay, if I go, I'm going to look for Airbnb or something that's big enough you guys can stay.

01:37:35.000 Yeah, let us know.

01:37:36.000 We would definitely do that.

01:37:38.000 Yeah, definitely.

01:37:39.000 Let me know when you come.

01:37:41.000 Okay, cool.

01:37:42.000 Yeah.

01:37:43.000 All right, yeah, I got to send you some news.

01:37:46.000 I have a doing the meeting right now, so I will call you back maybe tomorrow.

01:37:51.000 All right, sounds good.

01:37:52.000 I'll talk to you then.

01:37:54.000 Okay.

01:37:54.000 Thank you.

01:37:55.000 Love you.

01:37:56.000 Bye.

01:37:57.000 Love you.

01:37:58.000 All right, bye.

01:37:59.000 He loves me.

01:38:02.000 No, he does not.

01:38:03.000 He does.

01:38:03.000 And when he said love you, he's like, fuck, fuck you.

01:38:07.000 Danny said it.

01:38:08.000 That feels so weird when I said love you at the end.

01:38:10.000 He said, love you.

01:38:11.000 And then he acted like that chick.

01:38:12.000 He was like, love you.

01:38:15.000 Got to go.

01:38:20.000 Okay, let me call my dad and see how much he loves me.

01:38:23.000 Probably like a little less than mine, but that's fine.

01:38:25.000 I got to go.

01:38:26.000 By the way, he never asked why you called.

01:38:29.000 My dad has meetings.

01:38:31.000 He just talked about himself and how busy he is and then ended the call because he has a meeting.

01:38:36.000 He's got 7 p.m.

01:38:38.000 Because I leave a message.

01:38:40.000 Oh, look at that.

01:38:42.000 I guess Gavin's dad dad.

01:38:44.000 Hey, that's because they're partying, dude.

01:38:46.000 Yeah, right.

01:38:47.000 Probably because your brother's taking on a cool ass fucking cruise and you're not doing shit for them.

01:38:51.000 I forgot all about the cruise.

01:38:53.000 Wait, I think I was calling them in Ottawa.

01:38:55.000 Maybe they're on a Santa Cruz.

01:38:57.000 Oh, boy.

01:38:58.000 Here, let me do...

01:38:59.000 To do that, Super Chat, 47 pounds I lost.

01:39:02.000 Hey!

01:39:04.000 Damn.

01:39:05.000 47.

01:39:06.000 Holy shit.

01:39:07.000 And still dropping.

01:39:08.000 Still dropping, baby.

01:39:14.000 Hello.

01:39:15.000 Please leave us.

01:39:17.000 I guess Gavin's dad, no love him.

01:39:19.000 Woo-hoo, cry, cry.

01:39:22.000 You really want to pursue this?

01:39:23.000 This is where...

01:39:24.000 Not really.

01:39:25.000 Is this the gladiator battle you want to start?

01:39:28.000 Is this the hill you want to die in?

01:39:30.000 How many motorcycles does your dad go?

01:39:31.000 Ryan's dad versus my dad.

01:39:33.000 My dad goes vroom vroom.

01:39:35.000 Okay?

01:39:36.000 All the way away from I'm happy to unsheath my sword if you would like to step into the fray.

01:39:44.000 I have a feeling you're going to end up decapitating.

01:39:46.000 When it comes down to time spent, it's quality, not quantity.

01:39:49.000 Okay.

01:39:50.000 Yeah, that's the black thing.

01:39:51.000 Has your dad ever brought you to Jeff Lynn's house of ELO?

01:39:56.000 Have you heard of the band?

01:39:58.000 The only celebrity that my dad ever got me near was he was at an airport.

01:40:03.000 He noticed a mob of people surrounding Eric Estrada.

01:40:07.000 That's actually kind of cool.

01:40:08.000 Of Chips fans.

01:40:10.000 So he didn't know who it was.

01:40:11.000 So he ran over and he got an autograph of Eric Estrada because everyone else was.

01:40:15.000 He's probably drunk.

01:40:17.000 Eric Estrada came home and I was like 10 and he's like, here, I got you an Eric Estrada autograph.

01:40:22.000 And I'm like, thanks.

01:40:24.000 The guy from Chips?

01:40:25.000 Old Bruno Mars?

01:40:26.000 I have his.

01:40:28.000 Well, I did.

01:40:28.000 Believe it or not, I did not hold on to it, but I had his signature on an envelope.

01:40:33.000 Damn.

01:40:35.000 Maybe a little news at this point, but have you seen the documentary, The Curse of Von Dutch?

01:40:39.000 I heard it was awesome.

01:40:40.000 Great things about it.

01:40:42.000 Okay.

01:40:42.000 I'm on a documentary, Bender.

01:40:45.000 I'm looking forward to the HR one, and I'm looking forward to that one.

01:40:48.000 Isn't Von Dutch the awkward comedian guy?

01:40:51.000 No, it's that company that really flying eyeball.

01:40:54.000 Yeah, like Kevin Federline style shit.

01:40:57.000 Oh, yeah.

01:40:58.000 Really tacky.

01:40:59.000 Oh, yeah.

01:41:00.000 Trucker cops, jeans, jackets, bats.

01:41:03.000 Perfect song for this too.

01:41:05.000 They didn't want to run a business.

01:41:06.000 It was really a facade.

01:41:09.000 Hello?

01:41:10.000 Hi, honey.

01:41:11.000 Did you just call me?

01:41:13.000 Well, I called Dad, actually.

01:41:16.000 Oh, well, I don't know.

01:41:17.000 He's passed out somewhere.

01:41:20.000 Well, this is actually probably suitable.

01:41:22.000 So we're coming down tomorrow.

01:41:25.000 Yes.

01:41:25.000 And I was wondering if there's a way we could see you and not dad.

01:41:32.000 Oh.

01:41:35.000 Well, I could disguise myself as someone else.

01:41:40.000 Or we could have a code.

01:41:41.000 Like, you could say, oh, I have to go get groceries.

01:41:44.000 Like, we could say our flight was canceled.

01:41:46.000 And then you could say, I have to go get groceries.

01:41:48.000 And then we could...

01:41:49.000 I'm just not in a Jimmy McInnis mood, if you know what I mean.

01:41:52.000 I mean, I'm sure you've been there yourself.

01:41:53.000 Yeah, I know what you mean.

01:41:54.000 Well, I kind of feel like that right now because dad went to get another beer and he fell out of bed.

01:42:01.000 And I said, you know, I can't sleep when you're falling on the floor and screaming and yelling and farting.

01:42:12.000 You know, he just disappeared.

01:42:15.000 Hold on, stop.

01:42:16.000 Let's rewind a little bit.

01:42:18.000 So this is tonight?

01:42:21.000 Oh, like 15 minutes ago.

01:42:25.000 So why were you in bed?

01:42:26.000 It's like, oh, I guess, yeah, you're old timers.

01:42:29.000 You went to bed.

01:42:30.000 So you're in bed.

01:42:32.000 Really?

01:42:32.000 Honey, we go to bed at 8 o'clock.

01:42:34.000 Okay, so you're in bed.

01:42:36.000 And then dad randomly just sitting in bed.

01:42:38.000 Are you watching TV in bed?

01:42:41.000 I was.

01:42:42.000 And then he said, can you turn that off?

01:42:44.000 I said, no, you turned on.

01:42:46.000 Now I'm interested.

01:42:47.000 I'm watching Tucker Carlson rave and he's good.

01:42:51.000 I said, leave it on.

01:42:53.000 And he said, no, no.

01:42:54.000 I said, look, why don't you just piss off?

01:42:58.000 You know, pain in the arse.

01:42:59.000 So he goes up to get a beer because he's like, well, Tucker's on.

01:43:02.000 She's not turning it off.

01:43:03.000 I might as well just watch it, but I want a beer.

01:43:06.000 So he gets him to get a beer.

01:43:07.000 Then he falls.

01:43:08.000 He fell on his backside.

01:43:11.000 And then he goes, and then you said, oh, for fuck's sake, get it together, which is reasonable.

01:43:15.000 And then he goes, his thing is like, well, fuck you.

01:43:18.000 I'm leaving.

01:43:19.000 And then he leaves the house.

01:43:22.000 No, he's not.

01:43:23.000 He's probably, I don't even know where he is.

01:43:27.000 Just hold on.

01:43:28.000 This isn't a huge place, you know.

01:43:30.000 There's two beds.

01:43:31.000 Yeah, that's the part I don't get.

01:43:32.000 So where did he disappear to?

01:43:33.000 Did he fall asleep on the couch?

01:43:35.000 I don't know.

01:43:36.000 I'll just go.

01:43:37.000 Just hold on.

01:43:38.000 Listen, you can hear me going, clump, clump, clump, clump, clump, clump.

01:43:43.000 Clump, clump, clump, clump, clump, clump, clump, clump.

01:43:50.000 Where is he?

01:43:51.000 Okay, I'm going to the guest room.

01:43:54.000 Is he here?

01:43:57.000 Jimmy?

01:43:59.000 He is.

01:44:00.000 He's only seven clumps away.

01:44:39.000 It's great, isn't it?

01:44:47.000 He said he has a bossy bitch.

01:44:50.000 You don't have a bossy bitch next to you.

01:44:52.000 A bossy bitch here telling you to want to talk to your son.

01:44:56.000 He's right here.

01:44:58.000 Hey, Dad, did you hear about this whole gripe with Kanye West and Pete Davidson?

01:45:06.000 I'm sorry that I hear about what?

01:45:08.000 So Pete Davidson is dating Kim Kardashian now, and Kanye West wants to get back with Kim.

01:45:15.000 So there's this incredible animosity.

01:45:18.000 Oh, I was so interested in this fucking site.

01:45:24.000 No, I don't think Kanye's going to get Kim back if he keeps getting so aggressive.

01:45:29.000 Fuck off.

01:45:36.000 Kanye.

01:45:39.000 But Kanya is determined.

01:45:42.000 He's got like, what, four kids with her.

01:45:44.000 He's got North and a bunch of others.

01:45:48.000 One kid's named North.

01:45:52.000 Look, you are a poisonous fucking dwarf spreading this shite.

01:46:00.000 No one gives two fucks about them.

01:46:03.000 Oh, yeah, you're probably right.

01:46:05.000 Okay, Dad, I'll see you tomorrow.

01:46:08.000 Where are you going down?

01:46:10.000 We get in at like, I don't know, 4 p.m. or something.

01:46:14.000 Yeah, but then you have...

01:46:15.000 How are you getting from the airport?

01:46:17.000 I might rent a car.

01:46:18.000 I might get Uber.

01:46:19.000 My priority, though, is to embarrass you at your local with the most ridiculous costumes I can find.

01:46:24.000 I'm currently putting together a Budweiser tracksuit with a Gucci fanny pack.

01:46:30.000 Oh, my God.

01:46:33.000 I will be so embarrassed.

01:46:36.000 All right.

01:46:37.000 Goodbye, Bigfoot.

01:46:39.000 I hate you.

01:46:40.000 Bye.

01:46:41.000 They sound like whackpackers.

01:46:43.000 I got my own whack back.

01:46:45.000 It's my parents.

01:46:46.000 Your mom and your dad.

01:46:48.000 Oh, fuck off.

01:46:51.000 My brother and I were talking about that show that Baby Monster told me about, the Radio Clyde thing called Make Your Dad Mad.

01:46:59.000 And it's this guy who...

01:47:01.000 He makes the phone calls.

01:47:02.000 Yeah, you get your, it's usually a daughter.

01:47:04.000 Look up Make Your Dad Mad Shannon.

01:47:07.000 Did we already cover this on the show?

01:47:10.000 Yes, we did.

01:47:12.000 So she's like, Dad, I'm going to do a photo shoot.

01:47:15.000 It's for Zoo Magazine.

01:47:16.000 She's like, that's a fucking lad's magazine.

01:47:19.000 If you pose in a bikini in that magazine, I'm going to jail for a mother.

01:47:25.000 At one point he goes, you wear the bikini, I'm going to cut your horn.

01:47:28.000 They say horns is hands.

01:47:31.000 I'm going to cut your horns off.

01:47:34.000 And you're not going to wear a bikini ever again.

01:47:36.000 You'll not be able to tie it.

01:47:39.000 Anyway, I was talking to my brother, and I was like, it's so easy to make Naswegian mad.

01:47:43.000 And then we were talking about the times we've driven our dad insane.

01:47:47.000 And then I realized my top two are involving the royal family.

01:47:53.000 One was, and we have this, it's a drop, where I convinced him that I thought that Queen Elizabeth's husband was the king of England.

01:48:01.000 That's when he goes, it doesn't say that.

01:48:03.000 You're a liar.

01:48:06.000 And then I remembered, much younger, when Lady Di died, I told him that I thought Elton John's Candle in the Wind was a stunning testament to everything that she represented and also her incredible friendship with Elton John.

01:48:25.000 And he was so fucking mad.

01:48:27.000 He's like, these people are actors that are mentally trying to fund the Korea.

01:48:34.000 And I realized both cases, it was the royal families.

01:48:36.000 Very sensitive about the royals.

01:48:39.000 It's not very monarchy.

01:48:40.000 It's not very working class Laswegian, is it?

01:48:43.000 No.

01:48:44.000 Don't blash beam the monarchy.

01:48:46.000 They hate them just as much as everyone else.

01:48:50.000 Well, he revised that one for Diana.

01:48:52.000 Yes.

01:48:55.000 Beautiful song.

01:48:56.000 That is something that makes him fucking mad, though.

01:48:59.000 Like that song, Marvin, Marvin, he was a friend of mine.

01:49:06.000 Talk to me.

01:49:06.000 Don't talk to me.

01:49:08.000 Gonna be some sweet talk.

01:49:10.000 Gonna be all night on the night shift.

01:49:15.000 They're making money off a fucking song about someone they knew that's deep.

01:49:21.000 It's disgusting.

01:49:24.000 Bloody deep.

01:49:25.000 That bell means there's a new chat on the screen.

01:49:28.000 Somebody was asking about your clubs, by the way.

01:49:31.000 My clubs are not interesting.

01:49:32.000 They're from basically Unreliable at the duck.

01:49:38.000 I did spend money on my driver and my putter, though.

01:49:41.000 I've got a really fancy putter and a really fancy...

01:49:45.000 I use the same driver.

01:49:46.000 I just Googled, what driver does Tiger Woods use?

01:49:50.000 And it's like, I mean, I'll go get it.

01:49:53.000 If you guys want to handle some call.

01:49:55.000 Sure.

01:49:57.000 You can get a little call here.

01:50:00.000 Howl?

01:50:01.000 Somebody used your anal lip spreading technique and it did not work, by the way.

01:50:04.000 She said she'd rather not go into the unknown not knowing.

01:50:10.000 It's a difficult situation.

01:50:12.000 Is that me?

01:50:13.000 Profile pictures of you taking a bite of pizza while drunk.

01:50:17.000 Greetings from Yorkshire.

01:50:18.000 Have you heard of Ed Dutton, the jolly heretic?

01:50:22.000 He gives a total analysis of anything you're interested in from evolutionary biology perspective.

01:50:27.000 He is not yet banned on YouTube.

01:50:29.000 And to Anyone well worth checking out, he is the type of blah, blah, blah.

01:50:33.000 Let's pull him up.

01:50:34.000 All my clubs are free clubs.

01:50:36.000 I mean, irons, like, why would you care what you have?

01:50:38.000 I think you should only care about a driver and a putter.

01:50:42.000 So, this is my putter.

01:50:43.000 It's called a spider.

01:50:45.000 Ooh.

01:50:46.000 My tailor-made.

01:50:47.000 This cost me like $300.

01:50:50.000 It's awesome.

01:50:52.000 And I love it to death.

01:50:54.000 The grip is amazing.

01:50:55.000 Look at the grip on it.

01:50:59.000 And then this is my driver.

01:51:02.000 It is a Sim Max Tailor-Made 9.0.

01:51:09.000 This thing, fuck, it's a salad bowl.

01:51:12.000 You cannot miss with this thing.

01:51:15.000 You know, I went golfing with Joelle and Jack?

01:51:20.000 I told you that, right?

01:51:21.000 Yeah.

01:51:22.000 We got annihilated.

01:51:23.000 Like, the last three holes were just ridiculous.

01:51:25.000 But Joelle kept putting Vaseline on his driver.

01:51:29.000 He says it stops the spin.

01:51:33.000 That's a fucking thing.

01:51:34.000 Don't you want spin on the ball?

01:51:37.000 That's what all the little dimples are.

01:51:39.000 Well, he said it stops it from like curving off into the woods.

01:51:41.000 And of course, all his balls curved off into the woods.

01:51:44.000 Did not work.

01:51:48.000 We must have used 50 balls.

01:51:51.000 23 of you.

01:51:56.000 Don't like it, not watching it.

01:51:57.000 Terrible.

01:51:58.000 Sorry.

01:51:59.000 Wasted time.

01:52:00.000 Like, the medium is video.

01:52:02.000 So get some lights.

01:52:06.000 People.

01:52:06.000 Get some fucking lights.

01:52:08.000 Yeah.

01:52:10.000 Okay.

01:52:12.000 Hey, Ryan, I just noticed that that dong sounds really like the Taco Bell.

01:52:20.000 Let's not talk about my dong.

01:52:23.000 Let's not talk about your Taco Bell.

01:52:25.000 You're not allowed to eat Taco Bell.

01:52:27.000 Yes, I am now.

01:52:28.000 And I always was.

01:52:29.000 Look at this guy.

01:52:30.000 Standing up for yourself.

01:52:32.000 Hi, I'm Ryan Rivera.

01:52:34.000 I'm allowed to eat Taco Bell.

01:52:36.000 You know who you're talking to?

01:52:37.000 I'm the kind of guy who's allowed to eat Taco Bell.

01:52:40.000 Is that the Taco Bell Bell?

01:52:41.000 It is the Taco Bell.

01:52:42.000 It's the Taco Bell Bell Bell.

01:52:43.000 It is.

01:52:44.000 I know it.

01:52:44.000 So you got Taco Bee on the mind.

01:52:46.000 No, man.

01:52:49.000 Fucking loser.

01:52:51.000 How about last night?

01:52:52.000 We're at Grand Central.

01:52:53.000 And, you know, Grand Central shuts down super early.

01:52:55.000 It's like eight or nine o'clock.

01:52:57.000 So we're there.

01:52:58.000 We're getting our train.

01:53:00.000 And there's a little pizza place I like to get.

01:53:03.000 They give you makers to go in a little cup.

01:53:06.000 So I go, fuck, we still got time.

01:53:08.000 So I run in.

01:53:09.000 The guy's closing up.

01:53:10.000 He's like, sure, he knows me.

01:53:11.000 I tip him well.

01:53:12.000 He's like, sure, sure.

01:53:13.000 He gives me the thing.

01:53:14.000 And I go, you want some?

01:53:15.000 Of course, he doesn't.

01:53:16.000 And no, the guy, sorry, the bartender goes, do you want something to Ryan?

01:53:20.000 And I go, he doesn't have the enzymes.

01:53:23.000 And some person at the bar was like, doesn't have the enzymes?

01:53:27.000 Yeah.

01:53:28.000 And I'm like, yeah, he's Asian.

01:53:31.000 And then I think he disputed the Asian red cheeks.

01:53:36.000 Yeah, I was like, yeah, no, my cheeks, they do get red.

01:53:38.000 He's like, let's try it.

01:53:40.000 I'll buy you a drink.

01:53:41.000 And I was like, that's very nice of you, but I can't.

01:53:44.000 I don't want to prove to you that I can't handle alcohol by having a sip of alcohol and getting wasted.

01:53:50.000 And then I was talking about how I wanted to run from the police because I think it would be fun.

01:53:55.000 Remember that mischief when you're running from the cops?

01:53:57.000 And you were like, well, you can kill your wife.

01:53:58.000 I was like, no, that one, if I do that, I don't want to get caught.

01:54:02.000 I don't want to run indefinitely.

01:54:04.000 Just a short period of time.

01:54:05.000 He's like, you could do what Robert Durst did.

01:54:07.000 And I was like, I'm more Fred Durst.

01:54:08.000 And the guy laughed and we fist pounded.

01:54:10.000 He was like, you remember the red Yankee hat?

01:54:13.000 And I was like, yeah, I said Fred Durst.

01:54:16.000 Oh, yeah.

01:54:17.000 I know Red Hat.

01:54:17.000 I forgot about all that.

01:54:19.000 Yeah, you mentioned Fred Durst and he goes, remember the baseball hat?

01:54:23.000 Yeah, we know Fred Durst.

01:54:24.000 We've never heard of his baseball hat.

01:54:27.000 Or like a kid rock record.

01:54:28.000 That's a hard thing to say.

01:54:29.000 He'd be like, do you know the midget Josie?

01:54:31.000 No.

01:54:32.000 Oh, you like Michael Jackson?

01:54:33.000 Remember the glove he had on one hand?

01:54:35.000 Remember the moonwalk?

01:54:36.000 Yeah.

01:54:37.000 I'm familiar with Michael Jackson's trademark.

01:54:39.000 OJ's Bronco and Murder?

01:54:41.000 No, no, I just have touchdowns.

01:54:45.000 Hey, yo, what's up, guys and dolls?

01:54:47.000 I'm here with Ryan Katsu Riverio, and we're at Grand Central getting on the train.

01:54:53.000 I managed to run and get a maker's mark, and I go, do you want to grab a drink?

01:54:58.000 And he goes, no, but do you think we have enough time for banana pudding?

01:55:04.000 Banana pudding.

01:55:05.000 I got it for my wife, by the way.

01:55:07.000 Oh, yeah.

01:55:09.000 I am allowed to buy her banana pudding.

01:55:12.000 How much was it?

01:55:13.000 I don't remember.

01:55:14.000 I just bought it.

01:55:16.000 You have no idea?

01:55:16.000 Could it have been $10?

01:55:18.000 The cheesecake was $8.

01:55:19.000 The key lime cheesecake was $8.

01:55:22.000 The pudding, I'm not sure.

01:55:23.000 It was a medium.

01:55:25.000 Medium.

01:55:26.000 The cheesecake was $8.

01:55:28.000 Well, it's Magnolia Baker.

01:55:29.000 It's also New York City.

01:55:30.000 It's also New York City.

01:55:31.000 All right, we got to wrap it up, boys.

01:55:33.000 This is it.

01:55:33.000 It's not quite yet.

01:55:36.000 We've got five minutes.

01:55:37.000 MAGA movement, blah, blah, blah.

01:55:38.000 Okay, tried technique, blah, blah, blah.

01:55:40.000 Green Shirosha.

01:55:41.000 Okay.

01:55:42.000 Wait, you got to put them up as they happen, Ryan.

01:55:45.000 Forget if I means exceedingly mournful or dismal.

01:55:49.000 It doesn't mean slow.

01:55:49.000 Ooh, ouch.

01:55:51.000 Anth is moving to Greenville.

01:55:54.000 Come down to Charleston, the water spot.

01:55:55.000 Yeah, a lot of people are saying Greenville rules.

01:55:58.000 South Carolina.

01:55:59.000 Can you show my website?

01:56:00.000 I'm trying to...

01:56:01.000 Clown Pilled.

01:56:02.000 Okay, Clown Pilled.

01:56:03.000 Clownpill.news.

01:56:05.000 Yep.

01:56:07.000 Since we fell in love for the evening in the beginning, do you?

01:56:10.000 Okay, wait, that's the same thing.

01:56:12.000 Okay, that.

01:56:13.000 So I got to update these.

01:56:14.000 You want to take one more call?

01:56:16.000 Yeah, I'm just worried that I've been saying lugubrious wrong for a long ass time.

01:56:21.000 That's the only definition.

01:56:23.000 This is true.

01:56:24.000 Lugubrious, mournful, dismal.

01:56:30.000 I've been saying it wrong for a long time.

01:56:34.000 That's embarrassing.

01:56:38.000 Are you thinking of loquacious?

01:56:40.000 Well, I've also been using loquacious for that.

01:56:43.000 But that's the word I was saying today, reticent.

01:56:45.000 I like the word reticent.

01:56:46.000 That is nice.

01:56:47.000 That means like reluctant, right?

01:56:50.000 No?

01:56:50.000 Don't know.

01:56:51.000 Not revealing one's thoughts or feelings readily.

01:56:56.000 Guarded.

01:56:56.000 Kind of like you tonight, Maddie.

01:56:58.000 Guarded.

01:56:58.000 Very guarded.

01:56:59.000 And Very reticent.

01:57:02.000 Well, it's been a lot of the mailbag.

01:57:04.000 That's true.

01:57:05.000 Yeah.

01:57:06.000 Gab, do you think Ryan has the sprinkles?

01:57:08.000 That's a good question.

01:57:10.000 No.

01:57:11.000 How about this?

01:57:17.000 Ask him if he thinks you do.

01:57:18.000 I don't care if he thinks you do.

01:57:20.000 I clearly do.

01:57:21.000 I dance the jig.

01:57:22.000 Ryan's great at imitations and stuff.

01:57:26.000 But sprinkles?

01:57:27.000 I don't know.

01:57:28.000 You've seen his stand-up, right?

01:57:31.000 At Guitar World?

01:57:35.000 So have you not been showing...

01:57:36.000 I would hate for someone to donate and not get their shit up.

01:57:39.000 We're about 17 away from being caught up.

01:57:42.000 Dude, you got to do them live.

01:57:44.000 Don't wait.

01:57:45.000 Are you waiting for me to answer?

01:57:47.000 Not a couple of them.

01:57:48.000 Like, if they're over $25, I think.

01:57:50.000 Oh, that's fair.

01:57:51.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:57:53.000 Positive impact on my life.

01:57:55.000 Get married and have a family.

01:57:57.000 Right on, dude.

01:57:59.000 And you make a shirt based on the apocalyptic skit you did where you dropped the line, store your beans.

01:58:04.000 I still die laughing thinking about that line.

01:58:06.000 I have no idea what you're talking about.

01:58:08.000 I did an apocalyptic skit?

01:58:10.000 I don't remember that at all.

01:58:11.000 I remember the Jew Time Machine one.

01:58:13.000 We're like, this is a lot of fun.

01:58:14.000 This is high on sketches, though.

01:58:15.000 I had a great idea for a sketch today.

01:58:18.000 What the fuck was it?

01:58:21.000 I don't know if you've seen the story, immigrant Taco Bell worker, murder in Long Beach over rejecting a counterfeit $20 bill.

01:58:25.000 They found the perp, but won't release his description, although they give his name.

01:58:29.000 He's a Mayati from Compton.

01:58:31.000 They plastered O'Blipo's face on the news.

01:58:34.000 By the way, that's what George Floyd was up to that night.

01:58:37.000 He was fucking around with counterfeit 20s, and they called the cops.

01:58:41.000 Which, isn't that your job?

01:58:43.000 If you work at 7-Eleven and there's some miscreant hanging around trying to pawn an illegal 20 off you, isn't it 7-Eleven's policy to call the cops?

01:58:55.000 I don't know.

01:58:56.000 But I'd imagine...

01:58:59.000 I'm not saying I would.

01:59:01.000 Joe Rogan mentioned you today on his podcast.

01:59:04.000 Ooh.

01:59:05.000 Talked about you being kicked off Twitter.

01:59:07.000 Did he talk about me being kicked off the Joe Rogan?

01:59:11.000 Yeah.

01:59:11.000 So anyway, this guy, me, transferred over to Spotify and then killed his interviews.

01:59:17.000 And I was like, what the fuck, me?

01:59:19.000 And me was like, sorry, I'm making $90 million a year.

01:59:22.000 Gavin wouldn't hesitate to do the same to me.

01:59:25.000 Touche.

01:59:26.000 I would definitely, let's just make something clear for the record.

01:59:29.000 I consider myself a very moral person.

01:59:32.000 If I was offered $100 million to kill two episodes with Joe Rogan on them, they'd be gone.

01:59:40.000 I'd be like, how about four?

01:59:41.000 I would definitely float Joe a mill.

01:59:44.000 Yeah.

01:59:45.000 Try to figure out how we could get together in the future.

01:59:47.000 I wouldn't be nuts about it, but he got $100 million.

01:59:53.000 And here's another thing about Dr. Evil amount of money.

01:59:56.000 My shows with him had already garnered on YouTube alone, well, it was only YouTube, right?

02:00:00.000 5 million views each.

02:00:03.000 And they were up on a weekly basis, maybe two or three people were watching them per week.

02:00:07.000 So they had their moment in the sun.

02:00:10.000 It's not like it was thriving.

02:00:12.000 So two dead episodes kill me.

02:00:15.000 Yeah, that's crazy, man.

02:00:18.000 Wow.

02:00:19.000 Man, he's a bad motherfucker, man.

02:00:22.000 Pull that shit up, Jamie.

02:00:24.000 When you unclog your dishwasher, that shit didn't smell bad at all.

02:00:28.000 He's talking about the time I pulled this tube out of the base of my dishwasher, and it had...

02:00:33.000 What do you think it would taste like?

02:00:34.000 He asked.

02:00:38.000 You know those weird poodles that have dreads?

02:00:42.000 Poodles.

02:00:42.000 They're like, what are they?

02:00:43.000 Those big, like, St. Bernards?

02:00:45.000 And they have these white dreads.

02:00:47.000 They got the chocolate doodles.

02:00:48.000 Sheepdogs.

02:00:49.000 Yeah, they're like sheepdogs with white dreads.

02:00:52.000 So the tube had these sheepdog white dreads hanging off them that were like, if you touch one, it would disintegrate.

02:01:04.000 But you try to lie to yourself.

02:01:09.000 So like to cut them off, you could use anything.

02:01:11.000 You could use a human hair to cut them off.

02:01:14.000 They were not on, like this pen, they're all gone.

02:01:18.000 So I pulled it out and I was like, oh.

02:01:27.000 I can't even remember if I got them off.

02:01:29.000 I think I used a plastic knife or something.

02:01:31.000 Why are your eyes watering?

02:01:32.000 But it didn't smell bad because it's got dish, soapy dishwater going through it on a daily basis.

02:01:38.000 Sure.

02:01:39.000 Just a visual?

02:01:40.000 Oh, God, it was horrible.

02:01:43.000 What is that?

02:01:44.000 Similar?

02:01:46.000 No, no.

02:01:46.000 This is grime.

02:01:47.000 It's not even...

02:01:48.000 Brian, you're not in the same universe.

02:01:51.000 My sheepdog analogy was accurate.

02:01:55.000 They were this big.

02:01:56.000 Each hair was this big.

02:02:00.000 Like three inches.

02:02:03.000 A three-inch dread.

02:02:04.000 So let's say like 60 three-inch dreads hanging off this filter thing.

02:02:13.000 That's gross.

02:02:18.000 So fucking gross.

02:02:19.000 Okay.

02:02:20.000 His name is Mike Fartz.

02:02:21.000 That's pretty cool.

02:02:22.000 That's Mike Farts.

02:02:23.000 But I thought you said we had 17 to get through.

02:02:25.000 Yeah, there's a couple more.

02:02:28.000 Nope.

02:02:28.000 Mike fuck.

02:02:31.000 We got him.

02:02:32.000 Jesse Lee Peterson is a right-wing social studies teacher surrounded by liberals.

02:02:36.000 How do I make my class stays alpha?

02:02:39.000 How do I make sure my class stays alpha?

02:02:41.000 And amazing.

02:02:43.000 Amazing.

02:02:44.000 What does he teach?

02:02:45.000 Well, this is what they do.

02:02:46.000 When they're walking in the class single file, you're standing there by the door, right?

02:02:49.000 Much easier to do this.

02:02:51.000 So you shoulder check them.

02:02:53.000 Every kid that comes in, that's how you head count.

02:02:55.000 So you get the head count down, make sure they're here or absent or get their tendons, and then you check them, the motherfucker.

02:03:01.000 Peace.

02:03:02.000 And then you hit them with the shoulder real quick.

02:03:04.000 And it'll keep them strong and amazing.

02:03:09.000 Okay.

02:03:12.000 You might get fired for that, Jesse.

02:03:14.000 We got to wrap it up.

02:03:15.000 We're way past.

02:03:16.000 Get fired.

02:03:16.000 Getting trumped.

02:03:17.000 How did Gavin Riceballs mean he was a compound media groupie?

02:03:21.000 Well, okay, well.

02:03:23.000 Next.

02:03:25.000 Hey, fuck, someone's please explain why Betty White, Angela Answer, and all are considered gay icons.

02:03:30.000 Maybe it's a benefit that she's dead now.

02:03:33.000 Yeah.

02:03:34.000 You guys ever watched James Austin Johnson's Trump on SNL?

02:03:37.000 Quite the upgrade from Alec the Ripper for SNN.

02:03:39.000 No, he's good.

02:03:40.000 The new Trump guy, Andrew.

02:03:45.000 One of your recent final video segments was gas station working dealing with crazy customers.

02:03:49.000 I was watching those videos a while back.

02:03:50.000 Felt all familiar.

02:03:51.000 One of her videos, she walks outside to scold a customer for pumping gas wrong.

02:03:55.000 When you know what the gas station is.

02:03:58.000 Oops.

02:03:58.000 I'll find that out.

02:04:02.000 What was a movie called Josh Gosh interviewed during the marathon that Josh made where he looked like a fag, and how did I watch it?

02:04:07.000 Oh, good question.

02:04:08.000 Ask him on his show.

02:04:09.000 He accepts questions.

02:04:10.000 Why do you remain in New York City despite being mega gay when you prefer?

02:04:14.000 Yeah, I am on my way out of here, but two things.

02:04:19.000 One, it takes a while to get your kids sorted with college and everything.

02:04:22.000 And two, I was watching Amanda Millius on Tucker Carlson's Today show on Fox Nation.

02:04:29.000 And she was like, her dad was a big redneck who made Dirty Harry and Apocalypse Now.

02:04:36.000 And they would go hunting on the weekends and shoot guns.

02:04:40.000 And she kept saying to her dad, why the fuck are we in LA?

02:04:43.000 You hate these people.

02:04:44.000 I hate these people.

02:04:46.000 And he goes, there's something really healthy about being the most hated person in the room.

02:04:52.000 You need to become comfortable with being the most hated person in the room.

02:04:57.000 And then she went on to work for Trump in the White House.

02:05:00.000 And then she went on to make this incredible documentary, The Plot Against the President.

02:05:06.000 So there is something really good for your psyche to confront being the most hated person in the room and getting comfortable with it.

02:05:16.000 Because once you can get comfortable with that, of walking into a party where no one wants you to be there and having a good time, you're pretty much invincible.

02:05:26.000 So I think I'm teaching my kids kind of a good lesson where they're surviving parietum and making their own way.

02:05:36.000 But yeah, we're on our way to Greenville.

02:05:38.000 I'm just taking my time.

02:05:40.000 Wow.

02:05:40.000 Is this fucking $200?

02:05:42.000 So there's two different ones.

02:05:44.000 Perform a BJ on a turd in a condom.

02:05:47.000 Please replace Ryan with Maddie for sakes, my boy.

02:05:51.000 That guy's already come up.

02:05:52.000 I've already read that.

02:05:53.000 He's paid $100 for all these.

02:05:55.000 Okay.

02:05:56.000 Okay, footage from...

02:05:58.000 That's a Sven Stoffel's Hill of Klein thing.

02:06:02.000 But the links don't work, folks.

02:06:03.000 Yeah, don't send us links, guys.

02:06:05.000 All right, we have a guy on the record video.

02:06:06.000 That guy already said that already.

02:06:08.000 A guy on the line who's been here for a hot minute.

02:06:11.000 Okay, let's talk to him.

02:06:12.000 Hello, sir, Mr. Patient.

02:06:16.000 Patient Zero.

02:06:17.000 What's going on?

02:06:18.000 More like Patient Mucho.

02:06:20.000 And your number is 707.

02:06:24.000 You guys hear me?

02:06:25.000 Yes.

02:06:25.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:06:27.000 Okay.

02:06:28.000 So you guys played that Matt Walsh clip, and he had that good point about that trans men are like, or trans women are appropriating womanhood.

02:06:39.000 Yeah.

02:06:39.000 They're in blackface.

02:06:41.000 Yeah, that was a really good point.

02:06:43.000 I have another hypothesis about why we're indulging these people.

02:06:48.000 I want to know if you're in agreement, because I think that what's happening is there's a push to have like 50-50 representation type stuff.

02:06:59.000 And since women aren't going to be great at being in the military and being cops and high-powered CEOs, that this is like they can tell themselves and feel good about it because they can have men who are appropriating women in these positions.

02:07:15.000 And that's like, it's a type of therapeutic.

02:07:18.000 That's really logical.

02:07:19.000 That's a good theory.

02:07:19.000 But the problem with your theory is you're imbuing all of this intelligence on these people and coming up with some grand scheme.

02:07:30.000 I don't think there's a grand scheme.

02:07:32.000 I don't think anyone knows what the fuck they're doing.

02:07:34.000 All of these assholes are flying by the seat of their pants and making it up as they go along.

02:07:39.000 So I'm trans.

02:07:42.000 They like to have minorities as pets.

02:07:44.000 Blacks don't make good pets.

02:07:45.000 They're too rebellious and they don't do what they're told.

02:07:49.000 So now they're trying to invent new minorities that are more easily healed.

02:07:56.000 And that seems to be trans.

02:07:58.000 I think the whole like trans sports thing, my gut is that the liberals went, oh, fuck, that kind of blew up.

02:08:06.000 I didn't think that was going to be a thing.

02:08:08.000 They're like mad scientists in a lab and shit is blowing up everywhere.

02:08:12.000 If you were to see a liberal in their true self, they'd be a chemist covered in soot from something that blew up in their face.

02:08:20.000 Because that's all they do is come up with cockamami ideas like trans and have it blow up in their face.

02:08:26.000 All right, thanks for calling.

02:08:28.000 We got to wrap it up here.

02:08:29.000 Okay.

02:08:32.000 Has everyone who called in got their shit?

02:08:35.000 I mean, not everyone who called in.

02:08:37.000 Everybody who super chatted in.

02:08:38.000 That's correct.

02:08:39.000 So there's been no super chat that didn't appear on the screen.

02:08:41.000 That's correct.

02:08:42.000 How much did we raise for Matt and John?

02:08:44.000 Do you know?

02:08:44.000 Let's see.

02:08:47.000 Your last estimate was like a tenth of what the real one was.

02:08:51.000 So I'm tempted to contact our hacker.

02:08:58.000 Just texted.

02:09:00.000 Wait, you're texting him?

02:09:01.000 Yes.

02:09:02.000 Okay, I'm texting him too.

02:09:06.000 Let's bet.

02:09:08.000 Maddie, what do you think?

02:09:09.000 I think Gavin gets the correct number.

02:09:12.000 You're betting on Gavin?

02:09:14.000 You got a bet bet.

02:09:16.000 I bet we raise Max and John...

02:09:21.000 How much money did we raise for Max John?

02:09:23.000 $1,125.

02:09:25.000 Okay.

02:09:25.000 That's a good guess.

02:09:26.000 I'm going to go with $900.

02:09:29.000 Okay.

02:09:30.000 Yeah, that's closer to my guess.

02:09:31.000 I'm going to lowball you.

02:09:33.000 Price is right, Sal.

02:09:34.000 I'm going to guess $600.

02:09:35.000 Ooh, that's bad.

02:09:37.000 I've been privy to some of the numbers, but I have not been adding them or card counting.

02:09:42.000 Okay, well, that.

02:09:45.000 So I guess...

02:09:46.000 See, the problem with these charities, too, is people go, yeah, I fucking threw in $100 last week.

02:09:51.000 What do you want me to do?

02:09:52.000 Donate again?

02:09:54.000 So I bet it's going to go down, down, down until we just stop doing it.

02:09:57.000 True.

02:09:58.000 I bet the total will be like $3,000, Which is fine.

02:10:04.000 That's something.

02:10:05.000 You know, it would be a good thing to like actionable things like you trying to put your balls in my face, dancing or whatever, something physical.

02:10:16.000 That's more of a higher price thing.

02:10:18.000 Wait, wait, wait.

02:10:18.000 Why do they jump to my genitalia in your face?

02:10:22.000 Because somebody asked me to say, no, that's not true.

02:10:25.000 But it's not not true.

02:10:29.000 Not true.

02:10:30.000 We should do all kinds of crazy shit.

02:10:32.000 Like, I don't know, you fuck me, or you like, like, you suck my cock, or we spend like a weekend in the cat's ghost together alone.

02:10:38.000 Just sucking and fucking all weekend, doing 69s and in a hot tub, and you like skull fuck me in the hot tub.

02:10:44.000 Like, I don't know, like, random stupid shit.

02:10:47.000 Just girl talk.

02:10:49.000 But no, like, actionable things should be maybe like 25 or more.

02:10:53.000 Now, you tell a story or something.

02:10:55.000 That's not a $5 thing.

02:10:56.000 They're going to make you dance for $5.

02:10:58.000 Yeah, that's a $10.

02:10:59.000 So, yeah, that's a good idea, Ryan.

02:11:01.000 So, like, just to shout out, hey, man, fucking Rolling Stones Rock.

02:11:06.000 That's $5.

02:11:07.000 But if you want me to retell a story, that's $100.

02:11:11.000 Whoa.

02:11:11.000 Okay, well, I think we took that a little far.

02:11:14.000 No.

02:11:15.000 No.

02:11:17.000 All right.

02:11:18.000 Anticlimactic ending, but we're done here.

02:11:21.000 Okay.

02:11:22.000 I'm waiting on the...

02:11:23.000 Oh, okay.

02:11:24.000 You got a problem with that?

02:11:25.000 Our tech guy is doing techie things, so we can't get an estimate.

02:11:28.000 You know what?

02:11:29.000 We'll find out.

02:11:30.000 Well, we'll tell you tomorrow.

02:11:31.000 Oh, no.

02:11:31.000 Tomorrow is a pre-taped app.

02:11:33.000 That's right.

02:11:33.000 Monday's a pre-taped app.

02:11:35.000 That's right.

02:11:35.000 I'm in Orlando.

02:11:37.000 We'll be meeting up with the Orlando Proud Boys chapter there.

02:11:41.000 Introducing him to my drunken father, who I got to record him.

02:11:46.000 You know what would be great if we had a regular gossip update with Jimmy McInnes.

02:11:53.000 So we'd be like, what's going on with Rihanna?

02:11:57.000 Who the fuck is Rihanna?

02:12:01.000 I don't give a fuck.

02:12:04.000 He's our gossip go-to guy.

02:12:06.000 Yeah.

02:12:06.000 And maybe I could send him the information earlier and be like, so here's the deal.

02:12:11.000 Kanye's not happy about Pete Davidson.

02:12:13.000 He moved in across the street.

02:12:15.000 And I go, Jimmy, can you update us on Kanye?

02:12:17.000 And he'd be like, apparently fucking, for fuck's sakes.

02:12:24.000 I guess he's moved in across the street.

02:12:26.000 No, that's not as funny.

02:12:27.000 It's got to be spontaneous.

02:12:29.000 And we just quiz him.

02:12:31.000 Oh my God, a quiz.

02:12:33.000 Imagine my dad with a pop culture quiz.

02:12:36.000 No fucking clue.

02:12:38.000 I remember Emily and I were talking about Jersey Shore and about Snookie.

02:12:44.000 Oh, okay.

02:12:44.000 And he was trying to get involved in our conversation.

02:12:47.000 And I was like, the problem with Snookie is she's, is she even Italian?

02:12:51.000 She looks like Albanian or something.

02:12:52.000 She's not one of the crew.

02:12:54.000 And my dad comes in.

02:12:55.000 He goes, and Snookie is?

02:13:02.000 That's my boy.

02:13:04.000 Who is this man?

02:13:05.000 Rob de Baline, my boy.

02:13:08.000 All right, guys.

02:13:09.000 Bye.

02:13:10.000 Get fired.

02:13:11.000 Get in trouble.

02:13:12.000 Be brave.

02:13:12.000 And never stop fighting.

02:13:14.000 Thank you very much to Maddie for coming on the show.

02:13:16.000 And no thanks to Ryan.

02:13:17.000 Always up to Pasha.

02:13:18.000 Oh.

02:13:20.000 Purple.

02:13:30.000 James in the back cause he's kidding with the hard.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - January 21, 2022

GOML LIVE #132 - QUIET MATTY

Episode Stats

Length

Words per Minute

Word Count

Sentence Count

Misogynist Sentences

Hate Speech Sentences

Summary

Transcript