Ryan Katsu Rivera, aka The Putz, is a writer, comedian, podcaster, and all-around douchebag. And he's here to tell us about it. Get Off My Lawn with Kevin McInnes and Maddie O'Dell.
Transcript
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00:00:02.000This is the love that I give to you alone More than the simple words I try to say I only live to love you more each day More than you ever know my arms long to hold you so my life will be in your keeping Waking,
00:00:31.000sleeping, laughing, weeping Longer than always is a long long time But far beyond forever you'll be mine I know I never lived before And my heart is very sure No one else could love you more than the greatest
00:01:31.000be in your keeping Waking, sleeping, laughing, weeping Longer than always is a long time But far beyond forever you'll be mine I know I never lived before And my heart is very sure No one else could low you
00:03:06.000on the sidewalk You can tell the past boy I can tell the future Give me lobotomy and I can be a tutor Open up the blast doors then we can be muted I can smell your fingerprints all over my computer So give me all the black,
00:03:27.000brown, sticky sugar water Swing you buy your neck of my mouth, this can be your future Something very strange about your picture in the mirror When you move it doesn't move, now how could that be weird?
00:03:38.000Just keep on rubbernecking at whatever feels familiar I can set my brain on a holiday forever You can fire a rocket out of rocket, it's the future If you weren't already dead, I wouldn't have to school ya You say whenever I'm fine Down
00:04:09.000in my beach heart Whenever I'm fine Open my charge to the plain cloth officer behind us What are you a master of disguising deep and silent?
00:04:20.000Drop another depth charge, calling like a viper Eyes so close together, make it harder for the sniper Shoot the starving porno for the uppies in a circle Second death upon you swimming backwards like a turtle Man, I really trusted you, I thought you were civilian I could shove a magnet in your mouth and make a million Did you pack your bag or did somebody pack it for you?
00:04:41.000Take me to the sad, sad party that you're bound to Whether you're I have, not or I have, I got a question Are you living, dead or is it some kind of possession?
00:10:40.000You know, it's funny, reading this copy, it used to be like a paragraph and a half of like, we rock and he's a veteran and, you know, don't fucking fuck you with my heels on.
00:10:50.000All this fun stuff that he would use inside jokes.
00:10:52.000And I kept ridiculing the copywriter until I broke him.
00:12:11.000So on our tactical walls, we have brick-a-brack, some mugs, we've got E.T. That's a statue my wife gave me with the fingers crossed and it says, please be a fart.
00:12:24.000And I was just saying earlier, since COVID fried my guts, my farts don't smell like shit anymore.
00:14:27.000It's weird to do, but you could easily raise your arms and not engage them, but to let the curtain go out, you have to roll your arms forward.
00:27:05.000Now, Bill Clinton's got a loose dick and a loose mouth.
00:27:08.000He's fucked so many southern bells that his head is chiming.
00:27:20.000On that note, we do the live chat here where we raise money for Max Hare and John Kinsman, who got in a 17-second fight with Antifa and are spending four years in prison for it.
00:27:36.000So Max and John are in separate prisons, but in both prisons, everyone is getting fucked over with the six months they all worked on to have taken off their sentence.
00:27:49.000Maddie's more of an expert than me, but my understanding is you go to prison, if you work in the cafeteria, you work here and there, they take six months off your sentence.
00:28:42.000So word on the street is, not from Max Hare, COs, don't punish him from this, but I talked to other people at Governor, Gouverneur, and they just said, yeah, we're canceling all IPAs for the entire prison.
00:28:58.000We don't care if you've been scrubbing the floors, teaching English, teaching Spanish, fuck you.
00:29:05.000So he's sitting around and someone's eating an apple and they're chewing it and then spitting the skin on the ground.
00:29:12.000And he's like, can you stop doing that?
00:29:56.000And we had this big party planned for him.
00:30:00.000And as Maddie pointed out, there's no party.
00:30:03.000You got to get right to your location after you're released.
00:30:08.000So it's like a race to beat the clock from the moment you're released to when you check in at night, especially when you're in the Canadian border.
00:30:15.000Yeah, well, see, they take that into consideration.
00:30:17.000But before you get released, you have to tell them if you're going to take public transport, like if they're going to give you a bus ticket to the train station and then take the train to give you more time.
00:41:20.000That's like when you're a little kid and you're working on your first poem and you write out rhyming lines and then you show, hey, mom, look at this.
00:42:22.000No, you could speak as much as you want.
00:42:24.000I'll get to my point real quick here so I could leave you all alone.
00:42:28.000It's kind of a fan favorite, I think, and I think Phil's insight might make it even better if you listen to just a selection of Ryan's musical output.
00:56:51.000But my question is, if we had halfway decent leaders who didn't just want to destroy everything, wouldn't it be genius if we invited Taiwan to be the 51st state to sort of steal it out from under China's grasp?
00:58:06.000My recommendation would be, depending on where you are, if you're at a resort, of course, you befriend the staff and they might set you up.
00:58:14.000But if you mean just like visiting Nashville, you don't know anyone, I would give up.
00:58:21.000Because you're going to get fucking garbage.
01:02:07.000These three separate issues resulted in a war and poor coverage of that war.
01:02:12.000I think the right skepticism towards the war will undo any progress it made winning over Normie American with CRT and the Truckers.
01:02:19.000I don't really understand that letter, to be honest.
01:02:22.000These three separate issues resulted in a war, correct.
01:02:26.000And poor coverage of that war, correct.
01:02:28.000I think the right, so he doesn't like that the right is skeptical.
01:02:32.000To be clear, and I'm not even sure this is what you're saying, I'm dubious of the war, but I know that a good thousand people are going to die.
01:02:40.000Real deaths, real people really dying.
01:02:43.000We just think that there's also, like, 80% of it is fake, 20% of it is real, is my two cents.
01:03:04.000He wants to take over gradually everything.
01:03:09.000If the Western powers and dementia biden don't stand up and do something, you know, just economically strangling them, Putin don't give a flying fuck.
01:16:25.000Yes, in Rebel video days, I always talked about how sad it is that we have grown men playing video games and the average age is 35.
01:16:35.000I'll play them with my kids as a way to bond, but the fact that grown men are playing video games alone and pretending they're fucking Spider-Man is downright embarrassing.
01:19:33.000There's videos of him knocking out guys in New York outside of bars and stuff.
01:19:38.000I know, but it's not a good look to be bitching about the bicycle lane if you're not kidding.
01:19:43.000Fred Armison in the Portland sketch is kidding.
01:19:48.000Yeah, well, okay, but I'm from Canada.
01:19:50.000Like, we're not densely populated like you guys are.
01:19:53.000I see it as entertainment, like a guy saying, like, fuck you.
01:19:57.000Yeah, but when you say fuck you, you have to be right.
01:20:01.000Like, when Syl said, I couldn't fuck her without a condom, I said, fuck you, and I was right, because she can't get pregnant.
01:20:08.000Yeah, but he's, I don't know, in a few of his videos, like, it's guys that are, like, bike messengers parking their bikes, like, straight in the middle of the bike lane.
01:21:41.000Take a look at this video from Sky Sports News, the biggest sports news channel in Britain.
01:21:47.000They reported David Goodwillie, a footballer, embroiled in a scandal where he was signed to a Scottish football team, who then sacked him following the backlash after it was revealed he was once convicted rapist.
01:21:59.000Anyway, while they report on the issue, they called him a racist rather than a rapist and had come out into it.
01:32:48.000Like, a lot of these people in my various neighborhoods that I've lived in who freak out, they're not necessarily left-wingers or radical leftists.
01:32:59.000They just hear Nazi and they freak out and they get scared.
01:33:09.000Like when I was in Nashville, there was Black Lives Matter signs on lawns in Nashville, Tennessee, eastern Nashville.
01:33:17.000So I think it's a kind of a myth that you go south of the Mason-Dixon line and everyone goes, God damn, what were you doing up in there in New York, boy?
01:34:59.000I grew up with two dogs, schnauzers, and I always enjoyed having them around in my teens.
01:35:03.000To instill some responsibility, my family tasked me with caring for the dogs, which I did until they died of the old age of 13.
01:35:11.000I was devastated by this and slowly began to realize people spend ridiculous amounts of money on the finest breed dogs, animal clothes, excessive toys.
01:36:01.000Yeah, you got to put them in a border when you go away and all that stuff.
01:36:07.000But I think it's good to have a dog for security if you live in an imperfect area or if you're silly and you want a chihuahua to fall asleep in your vagina.
01:36:22.000I'm using this $100 to tell you I'm unsubscribing instead of spending it on a yearly subscription because this episode is giving me AIDS.
01:38:21.000Design all of their apps, all the cool stuff.
01:38:24.000And one day I just get a notification that I'm being removed from the team after a meeting giving us unlimited budget for the rest of the year.
01:38:38.000And all he could say is like, yeah, some high-profile people didn't like what you said on social media.
01:38:43.000And without any context, we still can't be associated with it.
01:38:46.000And the funny thing is that whenever you brought someone on the team, it took them weeks and weeks to add them to the tool, like Slack and all that stuff.
01:38:54.000But they dropped all my access within one hour.
01:42:02.000And there was obviously no, I understand from the legal standpoint, like they didn't want to discuss it, but they were like, even without context, we can't be associated with it.
01:49:11.000They don't fuck two drug dealers at once, have a dead body in their rental car, pose with guns and say, he's got my back, and then eventually die in a shootout with police because you live in a drug dealer's house.
01:49:26.000See, that's the difference between like white drug dealers.
01:49:29.000They go, yeah, that's the life I chose.
01:49:32.000My girlfriend died when I got in a shootout with cops.
01:51:25.000It's like when, what's his name, was bearing the brunt of it.
01:51:29.000And he's like, I grew up without the lies and the myths.
01:51:32.000And every white person in the room is going, uh-huh, uh-huh.
01:51:35.000I've had the privilege of growing up in a tradition that didn't believe in the myths and the legends because we had to bear the brunt of them.
01:55:27.000I'm going to fucking sabotage my career right now.
01:55:31.000And then when they go, so what do you think, judges?
01:55:33.000And the country guy's like, I got to be honest, that's a pile of horseshit.
01:55:38.000I just had to Ryan, I said, what do you think the off-camera behind-the-scenes conversation between Lionel Ritchie, Luke Bryant, and Katie?
01:55:46.000Because we're all worth well over $100 million each.
01:57:47.000Plain clothes, Philadelphia police officer fatally shot a 12-year-old boy in the back Tuesday night, moments after a bullet was fired into an unmarked car, police said.
01:57:55.000Police identified the youth as Thomas Siderio Jr., saying officers took him to Penn Presbyterian Medical Center, where he was pronounced dead a few minutes after the shooting.
01:58:04.000The police statement Wednesday described Sederio as white.
01:58:07.000So what do you think of that Brianna case that was murdered?
01:58:12.000Well, we were just discussing it, Sil, and I said that she was in with the wrong crowd.
01:58:39.000We'll go to the bar, and then after, I'm like, I don't want to be at the bar, but I don't want to go home.
01:58:43.000And Maddie would go, you want to play Uno?
01:58:46.000And I'll be like, yeah, I'd love to, dude.
02:00:20.000the supermodel on the couch know her Mike Honcho Los Angeles she's a local in our neighborhood in the South Bronx she's a legend here and we said hey Syl, instead of talking to you on the street and drinking a beer with you at our local,
02:01:53.000But the main reason I'm calling is I'm getting, I've noticed a pattern, which, you know, I don't really get in very many fights as an adult.
02:02:52.000I, of course, get kicked out because the bartender sees me hit a guy.
02:02:56.000She doesn't see him touch her tit first.
02:02:58.000I was military police, so I wasn't worried about the legal ramifications.
02:03:01.000I know I'm allowed to defender like that, but I was wondering what your guys' thoughts are with, I mean, this guy's like texting her now.
02:03:07.000She's a realtor, so he had her number and like threatening to sue me and all this bullshit.
02:03:11.000And I don't, we have this stupid litigious culture.
02:03:13.000So I'm really wondering, you know, there should be a limit where you just leave the situation, be the bigger man, or was I right, you know, to punch a guy in the face for defending her honor really for grabbing her tit?
02:03:26.000Yeah, I mean, the problem is you do something like that.
02:03:30.000By the way, if he had hit his head and died, you're looking at manslaughter.
02:03:34.000But the problem with those kind of things is so you do nothing, that creep grabs your tits, and you sleep, you go to bed at night for the next infinity years going, I'm a fucking pussy.
02:05:54.000It's not as good as ice cream soup, but it's close.
02:05:58.000Hey, Sel, do you get turned on when you see a guy getting a fight for a sense of honor, whether he's defending a woman or defending himself?
02:06:14.000So when a man defends your honor, like if you're out with a guy and some other guy tries to hit on you and your man steps up and tells him, hey, that's my girl, back off.
02:09:09.000Speaking of fake tits, before you change something about yourself, before you make these drastic reductions or drastic plans to change the course of your life, make sure it is an issue first.
02:09:22.000I think a lot of us want to correct things that don't need correcting.