Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - GOML LIVE #140

00:02:12.000 And it's all fun megrop, me, jolly, jolly glove.

00:02:17.000 All fun me beer and tobacco.

00:02:20.000 Well, I spent all me in with a lassie snake again.

00:02:25.000 Far across the western ocean, I must wanna.

00:02:29.000 I'm sick in my head, and I haven't been to bed.

00:02:33.000 Since the first time ashore with me, plumber, I've seen seventy beads and snakes.

00:02:40.000 And I have to take a pump.

00:04:28.000 What's the motion I'm where is me, bad?

00:04:33.000 Me, nothing, nothing, bad.

00:04:59.000 Oh, live from New York.

00:05:02.000 It's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McGuinness.

00:05:12.000 So easy and free when you drink on me on the mine.

00:05:19.000 You tell me I have because of the blood.

00:05:30.000 I have always been a drink on me.

00:05:42.000 I'm the one who dropped these every day.

00:05:50.000 That reminds me of my good friend Sarah Egan, who dumped me because of Proud Boys and Trump.

00:06:02.000 And it hurt my feelings.

00:06:05.000 No, it didn't actually. 1.00

00:06:06.000 I was just like, that's fucking retarded. 1.00

00:06:09.000 I'm drunk. 1.00

00:06:10.000 We're doing St. Patty's Day. 0.74

00:06:13.000 Drunk as a skunk.

00:06:16.000 Maddie, are you drunk? 0.98

00:06:18.000 Pretty well in the bag.

00:06:19.000 Yep.

00:06:21.000 Pretty well in the bag.

00:06:23.000 Pretty well deep in the bag.

00:06:24.000 Pretty well deep in the bag.

00:06:30.000 Sarah was like a very close friend to me, Sarah Egan.

00:06:37.000 She does like horror makeup.

00:06:39.000 She works on SNL.

00:06:40.000 She does like makeup for SNL.

00:06:44.000 And we were always close.

00:06:47.000 And then the Trump thing happened and she dumped me. 0.97

00:06:50.000 And I can't remember what I sent her.

00:06:52.000 I was like, hey, look at this thing. 0.90

00:06:56.000 It's a monster that has zits.

00:07:00.000 How would you do that with your technology, whatever?

00:07:02.000 And she didn't respond.

00:07:03.000 I went, oh, wait.

00:07:06.000 Are you dumping me too?

00:07:08.000 Because of the incident that happened, which was Trump?

00:07:13.000 And she didn't respond.

00:07:15.000 Ghosted you.

00:07:16.000 And then I went, oh, what's your biggest beef with me? 0.97

00:07:20.000 That I want blacks to go back to Africa or that I don't think the Holocaust happened? 0.98

00:07:27.000 Again, no response. 1.00

00:07:29.000 I also had this fucking babysitter, Katie Shadowins. 1.00

00:07:34.000 We were like two peas in a pod. 0.99

00:07:38.000 Totally raunchy jokes.

00:07:40.000 Oh my God, the jokes we told. 1.00

00:07:44.000 We were rude bitches. 1.00

00:07:48.000 And, you know, when all this shit went down pre-Trump, we were like, ha ha ha, what a bunch of fucking losers. 1.00

00:07:56.000 And she was the best babysitter, best nanny, best whatever you call her, oh bear for my kids. 1.00

00:08:01.000 My kids loved her.

00:08:03.000 Fantastic woman. 1.00

00:08:05.000 Katie Shadowins.

00:08:07.000 Awesome.

00:08:09.000 And then one day, no because of Trump.

00:08:13.000 And it's weird because I'll text her and I'll go, hey, I'm here with my daughter.

00:08:18.000 It's her birthday.

00:08:19.000 And she'll go, happy birthday to your daughter.

00:08:22.000 And I'll go, okay.

00:08:25.000 I don't have AIDS.

00:08:27.000 What about me?

00:08:29.000 No reaction.

00:08:30.000 I thought that was a great dishonor to her and to her family.

00:08:35.000 It's so weird with these people.

00:08:37.000 I totally understand if it was pedophilia.

00:08:41.000 And I would support it. 1.00

00:08:43.000 If you have a bunch of pals and you want to suck a kid's dick, by all means, you should be ostracized. 1.00

00:08:54.000 And castrated. 1.00

00:08:58.000 I was going to say circumcised, and that would have rhymed. 0.99

00:09:01.000 Just say killed. 1.00

00:09:02.000 Just religiously killed. 1.00

00:09:04.000 Well, it would be a better place. 1.00

00:09:06.000 Decapitation, no breathing.

00:09:08.000 But it's funny that it's funny that you lose, like when you become like the national divorce, right, with Trump, you understand that you lose like your radical friends.

00:09:20.000 But then you lose friends that are not radical at all.

00:09:23.000 Like John Glazer.

00:09:27.000 I considered him an apolitical friend of mine.

00:09:31.000 He has a black daughter.

00:09:33.000 I clearly didn't care, right?

00:09:37.000 He's an interesting guy, too. 0.97

00:09:38.000 That sucks. 0.99

00:09:38.000 I didn't go on vacation with him and be like, yeah, when we go on vacations, can you not bring your black daughter? 0.99

00:09:48.000 She's gross. 1.00

00:09:51.000 She's like, I don't like that. 0.90

00:09:57.000 He got popular lately because he did this weird series.

00:10:01.000 At first he did Delocated, and then I think he did this weird thing, an alternate reality thing.

00:10:08.000 It's called Something Daddy.

00:10:10.000 And he did these creepy videos where there's like secret messages in it.

00:10:13.000 So he had just a very recent revival of his popularity.

00:10:19.000 I would say, despite John Glazer stabbing me in the back, and this represents Derek Beckles too.

00:10:28.000 Two of the funniest human beings on earth.

00:10:32.000 Unbelievably talented.

00:10:34.000 Sprinkles dudes.

00:10:35.000 They have the sprinkles.

00:10:38.000 Very funny. 0.99

00:10:40.000 Am I going to be able to fucking maintain a two-hour show this wasted? 0.98

00:10:45.000 I think you're doing good so far. 0.97

00:10:47.000 I don't know about that.

00:10:49.000 And I'm dead sober, so it is.

00:10:52.000 You're sober?

00:10:53.000 Yep.

00:10:53.000 Well, I'm having...

00:10:55.000 I decided because it's a festive thing.

00:10:58.000 I'm having the green lemon lime zoa in a pint glass.

00:11:01.000 Hey, you're blurry, dude.

00:11:02.000 You're blurry.

00:11:03.000 In a pint glass.

00:11:04.000 You're blurry.

00:11:08.000 You're blurry.

00:11:10.000 I'll have to click.

00:11:12.000 How can you not figure out your job?

00:11:14.000 There we go.

00:11:15.000 There we go.

00:11:16.000 Now you're clear.

00:11:17.000 Now you're clear.

00:11:18.000 So this is a lemon lime zoa.

00:11:20.000 I got the green tie.

00:11:21.000 We're rocking it.

00:11:23.000 All right.

00:11:24.000 Let's call my dad. 0.99

00:11:26.000 I was thinking about my son and how much he does not like me anymore because he's a teenager and he's being a dick. 0.99

00:11:35.000 And I thought, let's... 0.98

00:11:37.000 Because I didn't like my dad for 10 years.

00:11:41.000 I'm going to pretend I don't like him anymore.

00:11:45.000 What about that idea?

00:11:48.000 That's a good idea.

00:11:49.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:11:50.000 Let's call him and let's be like, fuck you, dad. 1.00

00:11:56.000 What do you think? 1.00

00:11:58.000 Be a good idea.

00:12:00.000 Pick Jim McGinnis.

00:12:02.000 Ryan can't do it because his dad's gone.

00:12:05.000 And Maddie can't do it because his dad's dead.

00:12:07.000 Yeah.

00:12:10.000 At least one of us.

00:12:12.000 Hi, Mom.

00:12:13.000 Hi, baby.

00:12:15.000 How are you?

00:12:16.000 I'm okay.

00:12:17.000 I'm good.

00:12:18.000 I'm going through some stuff in my life right now.

00:12:22.000 Oh, okay.

00:12:25.000 I'm okay, honey.

00:12:26.000 What's happening?

00:12:28.000 Well, I hope you guys don't take this the wrong way, but I met this 72-year-old named Johnny Blaguinis.

00:12:39.000 Bluginis? 1.00

00:12:41.000 Blaguinis. 1.00

00:12:42.000 He's Serbian.

00:12:43.000 And he's the best guy.

00:12:45.000 He's a huge mentor to me.

00:12:48.000 He's a huge inspiration.

00:12:50.000 And I thought, as I meet this guy, I thought, maybe it's time to cut the cord with, you know, some loose ends that are not inspiring me.

00:13:09.000 Okay, well, you're on speaker.

00:13:14.000 Okay, you're on speaker, honey.

00:13:16.000 Hi, honey.

00:13:17.000 Hi.

00:13:19.000 Sorry, Sorry about that, but Dad and I were trying to listen.

00:13:25.000 I'm in bed with this strange guy called Jimmy McKinnis.

00:13:30.000 He said I just picked him up today on St. Paddy's Day.

00:13:33.000 You know, he was drunk.

00:13:35.000 Anyway, sorry.

00:13:38.000 Go on.

00:13:39.000 So I met this senior citizen named, well, we don't need to get into what his name is, but he's a carpenter, and he's showing me all these cool, like, things with his trade, like, you know, sanding down these oak trees and building a bookshelf.

00:13:58.000 Like, he's an incredible guy.

00:14:00.000 He's 74 years old.

00:14:02.000 And I feel like he might be my new, I don't know, my new dad in a way.

00:14:10.000 A new guru.

00:14:12.000 My guru.

00:14:14.000 Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

00:14:21.000 Because my actual dad has offered me nothing.

00:14:25.000 Nothing in the past.

00:14:28.000 He certainly can't teach you anything about woodworking.

00:14:32.000 I think he built a shelf one that one fell down.

00:14:39.000 Let's cut the cord. 0.91

00:14:40.000 To be totally frank, I've been waiting for you guys to die because I thought I would get enough money to buy a vintage car.

00:14:47.000 And then I realized I have enough money of my own to buy a vintage car.

00:14:51.000 So let's cut the cord.

00:14:54.000 You probably have more money than us.

00:14:59.000 So I guess this is a goodbye call.

00:15:02.000 Oh, okay, honey.

00:15:04.000 Well, please, please don't rush it because if this is our last conversation, I'd like it to be a little longer.

00:15:13.000 Listen, did you know your brother's getting married? 0.99

00:15:20.000 It's time for this shit. 1.00

00:15:23.000 That's it, huh? 1.00

00:15:25.000 I'm not talking to them. 1.00

00:15:26.000 Fuck them. 1.00

00:15:29.000 So anyway, tonight is Get Off My Long Live. 1.00

00:15:35.000 We do an incredibly exciting pre behind the paywall show with Maddie O'Dell.

00:15:44.000 Everybody, happy St. Patrick's Day.

00:15:46.000 Normally we have Sylvia, but she fell down some stairs and she broke her hip. 1.00

00:15:52.000 So my whack pack has been hurt.

00:15:55.000 Once again, we lost Donovan Crip Daddy on Monday and Tuesday.

00:16:00.000 We lost Sylvia.

00:16:02.000 The only whack packer we have left is Maddie. 1.00

00:16:05.000 Somehow his heart is holding on.

00:16:10.000 Not for long.

00:16:12.000 No.

00:16:15.000 So what we do is we have it all free before 30 minutes in, and then we cut you all off.

00:16:23.000 You hear my drunken voice sounding pretty drunk.

00:16:28.000 Who are our sponsors?

00:16:30.000 Well, you have the paper.

00:16:32.000 Wait, what did you do with the papers?

00:16:34.000 I don't want the papers.

00:16:35.000 Just tell me the sponsors.

00:16:37.000 Let's see.

00:16:37.000 I can find out quick.

00:16:39.000 Our ad sales guy says www. 1.00

00:16:44.000 Would you rather fuck your wife while staring at Maddie or Ryan? 1.00

00:16:49.000 Kate, let me just say something about would you rather stop affecting our immediate families and our lives with our wives. 1.00

00:17:02.000 It's weird. 1.00

00:17:04.000 It's gay, it's stupid, it's boring. 1.00

00:17:06.000 It's like, would you rather suck your dad's dick or eat out your mom? 1.00

00:17:11.000 Yeah, they're both horrible. 1.00

00:17:14.000 But anyway, other thing, we're going to be raising money on the live chat for Joe Biggs.

00:17:22.000 Yes.

00:17:23.000 Because Joe Biggs needs 80 grand.

00:17:25.000 He's going to the Supreme Court because he's innocent.

00:17:34.000 And this is going to be not the roughest transition ever, but he is a vet.

00:17:39.000 And he has a beard.

00:17:40.000 He's a vet.

00:17:41.000 And we have Beard Vet as a sponsor.

00:17:45.000 We have Beer Vet Coffee.

00:17:47.000 And Beer Vet Coffee isn't just Beer Vet Coffee.

00:17:49.000 And thank God these guys promote the show and show up to sponsor us.

00:17:55.000 Beard Vet Coffee is also Beard Vet Beard Grooming Materials.

00:18:02.000 Did you know that?

00:18:03.000 No, you didn't.

00:18:05.000 And if you apply to Beard Vet, now you're obviously buying coffee.

00:18:10.000 So why don't you buy the coffee from the people who support us?

00:18:15.000 Which is 100% vet owned.

00:18:20.000 We do not have a sponsor that is not vet owned.

00:18:24.000 I don't know why.

00:18:26.000 Beardvet.com, promo code Gavin, beard oils, beard grooming kits, beard grooming products.

00:18:37.000 It's incredible.

00:18:38.000 The oil smells so good and it makes me wish I had a beard, but I don't. 1.00

00:18:42.000 So you lucky fuck freaking people out there with beards, put it on your fucking thing. 1.00

00:18:47.000 It smells good. 1.00

00:18:49.000 This is the first commercial in history where a Japanese man has insulted the clientele of the product and said, fuck you, I wish I had a beard. 1.00

00:19:02.000 Yep. 0.99

00:19:03.000 That's never been done.

00:19:04.000 It's a little cuckish, but yeah, I do wish I had a beard so I could put lovely oils in it.

00:19:10.000 Wow.

00:19:10.000 It wouldn't stick in here.

00:19:11.000 What do you have?

00:19:12.000 What is that thing?

00:19:13.000 I don't even know.

00:19:14.000 Peach fuzz.

00:19:15.000 Like peach fuzz.

00:19:16.000 It's a weird band-aid.

00:19:18.000 Anyway, beardvet.com, promo code Gavin.

00:19:21.000 Thank you guys for promoting the show.

00:19:24.000 We appreciate it indefinitely.

00:19:26.000 We love you.

00:19:28.000 I like you more than a friend.

00:19:30.000 Yes.

00:19:31.000 Okay.

00:19:32.000 So, and beard.

00:19:33.000 Oh, we didn't do this last week.

00:19:34.000 We're going to do it now.

00:19:35.000 Caller 1 and 2 are getting a free gift pack.

00:19:37.000 I hate the word pack from Sean and the Beard Vet team tonight.

00:19:42.000 Thank you, Beard Vet.

00:19:44.000 You hate the word pack?

00:19:46.000 Yeah, and kit.

00:19:47.000 Pack and kit.

00:19:49.000 They just sound like weird ASMR words.

00:19:53.000 You get a prize pack or you get your prize kit.

00:19:59.000 I don't like that.

00:20:00.000 I don't like it.

00:20:01.000 It's like it sounds like splashing, like wet splashing or something.

00:20:06.000 I don't know.

00:20:07.000 Hate it.

00:20:09.000 You know what I mean, Matty?

00:20:11.000 Not particularly.

00:20:11.000 No, but it's all right.

00:20:12.000 That's fine.

00:20:13.000 No.

00:20:14.000 But we do have something exciting.

00:20:15.000 There are people who are supporting our show, and you don't like the particular vernacular of their prizes.

00:20:21.000 Well, it's actually our ad guy.

00:20:24.000 It's his fault yet again.

00:20:25.000 I mean, he's no stranger to having the blame be put on him, but he put the word pack in there.

00:20:31.000 All right.

00:20:34.000 So tonight, the live chats are for Joe Biggs.

00:20:41.000 Not Jon and Max, but Joe Biggs, who is sitting in a cell for a year because he dared to enter the Capitol, which is the worst thing imaginable.

00:20:56.000 How dare you?

00:20:57.000 How dare you enter the Capitol?

00:21:01.000 Why'd you do that?

00:21:05.000 So right there, you go to the live show on the browser, right under the live show, there's that button.

00:21:12.000 Donate to read a message on air.

00:21:16.000 And then it'll pop up like so.

00:21:19.000 Okay.

00:21:20.000 Hey guys, please check my email.

00:21:21.000 Just got married.

00:21:23.000 Sent to the mailbag.

00:21:25.000 Also, Ryan, please send your workout routine for Mad Gains.

00:21:31.000 Interesting.

00:21:31.000 Okay.

00:21:40.000 Hey, you know what?

00:21:41.000 It's weird.

00:21:42.000 I used to love wearing house shoes.

00:21:44.000 Now I love wearing flip-flops.

00:21:50.000 Ryan, what's the previous one?

00:21:51.000 Let's pull that up.

00:21:53.000 Oh, the previous email?

00:21:55.000 Just got married.

00:21:56.000 Lawrence, it came in at 9 o'clock.

00:21:59.000 Okay.

00:22:00.000 It says, let's see, I can pull it up on screen here.

00:22:04.000 Try not to show any info, though.

00:22:06.000 There we go.

00:22:07.000 We should bring a weight bench into this studio.

00:22:13.000 It would rule.

00:22:14.000 How are you doing with your mantis shrimp research?

00:22:17.000 What's going on with that?

00:22:20.000 Well, I just got a personal beta for myself, beta fish.

00:22:23.000 So I'm getting back into the swing of things.

00:22:26.000 I looked at some of their fluval tanks, which we have to get a very big one.

00:22:31.000 I don't think they had a big enough one there, but I'm going to check out some pet stores and do recon.

00:22:37.000 Did anything come out?

00:22:39.000 Computer, who is Ryan Katsu Rivera?

00:22:44.000 Here's something I found on the web.

00:22:46.000 According to Baltimorasun.com, Rivera was the defensive coordinator for the Chicago Bears for three seasons before becoming the San Diego Chargers linebackers coach.

00:22:56.000 Computer, stop.

00:22:57.000 That was my old life.

00:22:58.000 Computer, who is Ryan Katsu Rivera?

00:23:05.000 According to an Alexa Answers contributor, Matthew Mario Rivera is a successful American producer, reporter, close.

00:23:15.000 Producer, successful?

00:23:19.000 Casey Hunt.

00:23:21.000 Did that answer your question? 1.00

00:23:23.000 No, you suck. 1.00

00:23:24.000 You're a stupid bitch. 1.00

00:23:26.000 Am I not Googleable? 1.00

00:23:27.000 That sucks. 0.79

00:23:28.000 She actually sobered me up. 0.99

00:23:34.000 Okay, I'm going to go piss.

00:23:37.000 Ryan, you take a call.

00:23:38.000 Let's do this.

00:23:39.000 All right, let's get the calls on.

00:23:41.000 First, we're going to thank you for calling.

00:23:45.000 You are on air.

00:23:47.000 We're going to have a conversation. 1.00

00:23:48.000 This is a fucking loser. 1.00

00:23:50.000 You know, I'm here to learn, share, listen, understand why. 1.00

00:23:53.000 Hey, why does everyone get two things?

00:23:55.000 You have one thing.

00:23:56.000 Thank you for calling.

00:23:57.000 It's great hearing from you.

00:23:59.000 Bye-bye.

00:24:00.000 All right, next call.

00:24:08.000 Okay.

00:24:10.000 We're going to get these all set up.

00:24:13.000 See, Maddie's mic is on.

00:24:15.000 Yes, sir.

00:24:16.000 Good stuff.

00:24:20.000 And can manage your callers from the calling.

00:24:25.000 Okay, first call here.

00:24:27.000 307.

00:24:29.000 You're on the line.

00:24:31.000 307, you're on the line.

00:24:32.000 Hey, what's up?

00:24:33.000 What's going on, Caller?

00:24:36.000 Not too much.

00:24:38.000 I'm just trying to get on the air.

00:24:39.000 What are you doing?

00:24:40.000 Talking to you on the air.

00:24:43.000 Is this Matt?

00:24:44.000 Yes, it is.

00:24:45.000 Hey, what's up, man?

00:24:46.000 My name's Matt as well.

00:24:48.000 Oh, nice.

00:24:48.000 Nice to meet you, man.

00:24:49.000 Not too much.

00:24:51.000 How's everything going today on this St. Patrick's Day?

00:24:55.000 You what now?

00:24:56.000 I said, how's everything going today on the St. Patrick's Day for you?

00:25:00.000 Oh, pretty good.

00:25:01.000 Pretty good.

00:25:01.000 I'm about done with my drink, and I'm about as in the bag as Gavin is right now.

00:25:07.000 He's not going to work tomorrow, so, you know. 0.96

00:25:12.000 Yeah, where's the shitty kitchen? 0.94

00:25:15.000 Is that this week? 0.94

00:25:17.000 Yeah, it'll be out either tomorrow or the next day. 1.00

00:25:19.000 I filmed the shit. 1.00

00:25:20.000 Thanks for calling. 1.00

00:25:21.000 He got the fade.

00:25:22.000 But that does lead us into a good...

00:25:24.000 That's a good point.

00:25:25.000 We filmed another Matty Shitty Little Kitchen.

00:25:28.000 And that's coming now.

00:25:29.000 I heard, can I just say something?

00:25:30.000 I heard it was so bad that it's actually getting scrapped.

00:25:35.000 No, that's not true at all.

00:25:37.000 I heard that it was so unfunny.

00:25:39.000 Who would scrap it?

00:25:41.000 I mean, you're the boss.

00:25:42.000 Are you scrapping it?

00:25:44.000 Yep. 0.97

00:25:45.000 What the hell?

00:25:47.000 Yeah, it's not airing. 1.00

00:25:49.000 What the fuck? 0.99

00:25:50.000 We worked really hard on that, and I had to eat this. 1.00

00:25:52.000 Short-lived.

00:25:53.000 Short-lived.

00:25:54.000 Hey, and it's not taking anything away from Maddie, but what I had to eat on this episode was horrendous.

00:26:00.000 What do you mean?

00:26:01.000 Show us.

00:26:03.000 I don't know if we want to spoil it yet.

00:26:05.000 Show it.

00:26:06.000 You want to show a little sneak peek?

00:26:07.000 Yeah.

00:26:08.000 Sure.

00:26:08.000 Or it's canceled.

00:26:09.000 Okay, whoa.

00:26:10.000 I'm about to cancel it.

00:26:11.000 I don't want easy.

00:26:13.000 I think we should kill Maddie's Little Kitchen as a show. 1.00

00:26:16.000 I don't think you're done. 0.80

00:26:17.000 I don't think it's done.

00:26:18.000 You're not speaking with a clear mind.

00:26:19.000 You know what?

00:26:20.000 It's done.

00:26:20.000 Tonight it's done.

00:26:22.000 All right.

00:26:22.000 So you don't want to see the clip?

00:26:24.000 I want to see the clip as a goodbye for why we killed the show.

00:26:29.000 I don't know.

00:26:29.000 It seems like maybe this would save it.

00:26:31.000 So hopefully, Maddie, this clip, this will help it.

00:26:39.000 Sure.

00:26:43.000 I love hearing you go, whoa.

00:26:44.000 Yeah, it's crappy.

00:26:47.000 Scoop up and rick. 0.85

00:26:49.000 Get in there.

00:26:53.000 Now we won't spoil what's in it.

00:26:55.000 That's there.

00:26:57.000 What's in it?

00:26:59.000 We got to spoil.

00:26:59.000 You got to leave something in there.

00:27:00.000 That's not a spoiler.

00:27:01.000 No.

00:27:02.000 Say what's in it.

00:27:03.000 That's not a spoiler.

00:27:04.000 I'll name three ingredients that are in it.

00:27:06.000 Okay.

00:27:07.000 Okay. 0.99

00:27:08.000 Tuna fish, fucking Jack Lynx beef jerky. 0.99

00:27:14.000 Meat chick sticks. 0.99

00:27:15.000 And mustard. 1.00

00:27:17.000 I love it when people say fucking. 1.00

00:27:19.000 Fucking fucking tuna fish. 1.00

00:27:25.000 Oh, yeah. 1.00

00:27:25.000 Dude, it's the real deal. 1.00

00:27:27.000 It was tough.

00:27:27.000 Well, I was talking to Maddie earlier at the bar, and he said he had a bite of this, and it catapulted.

00:27:34.000 Yeah, I saw his eyes back into his incarceration.

00:27:37.000 Instantly.

00:27:38.000 And he remembered being in prison.

00:27:40.000 Magically.

00:27:41.000 Like, you went to a place.

00:27:44.000 I saw you.

00:27:45.000 You did this.

00:27:45.000 You went.

00:27:46.000 Yeah.

00:27:47.000 The whole texture, taste, and everything.

00:27:49.000 I was just like, wow.

00:27:50.000 Oh, my God. 1.00

00:27:51.000 You could feel the walls around you and shit. 1.00

00:27:53.000 Fantastic. 0.99

00:27:54.000 Yeah.

00:27:55.000 Wow.

00:27:56.000 Do you remember like every time, like, this is what I was thinking, when you were crunching up one of the ingredients, the Cheetos?

00:28:03.000 Do you remember, because usually when you're doing something methodical, like if I'm cutting scallions, for instance, I'll think of one of the times I was cutting scallions at the old restaurant.

00:28:11.000 Did it bring you back to a specific time where you were bashing the Cheetos and crushing up the ingredients?

00:28:17.000 Yeah, I mean, we've made, I made tons of those things.

00:28:21.000 Not like just one occasion, but it was a daily routine.

00:28:25.000 Me with a bunch of other people.

00:28:28.000 So Detective Shitty just said to an ex-con, we made prison food with you.

00:28:35.000 While we were making the prison food, did that bring you back to when you were in prison?

00:28:42.000 No.

00:28:42.000 The answer is yes.

00:28:43.000 No, specifically.

00:28:45.000 It's like when I was cutting scallions, I'd be listening to Opie and Anthony, so I'd imagine it's a hot day, you know, like the doors open to the restaurant, so I'm getting a little bit of a breeze.

00:28:55.000 And I remember like a specific time listening to like a Louis C.K. boat story cutting scallions, like a specific time.

00:29:02.000 No, not, I mean, it brought me back to being in Virginia, in CVRJ, Central Virginia Regional Jail.

00:29:09.000 Is that the only place you made this dish?

00:29:11.000 No, they've made them all over the place.

00:29:13.000 And what was the dish?

00:29:15.000 I mean, we used to call it a mash-up there in that particular jail, but other people call it a swole, a brick, a spread.

00:29:25.000 I mean, there's all different names.

00:29:26.000 The lighting hasn't been.

00:29:27.000 Yeah, depending on where you are geographically in the country, there's different names for stuff.

00:29:32.000 So you guys broke up a bunch of Cheetos and put them on some ramen noodles and poured hot water on them.

00:29:39.000 That's basically what this episode is going to be when we air it.

00:29:42.000 Similar.

00:29:42.000 There's way more.

00:29:43.000 There's a lot more other stuff in there, but yeah.

00:29:45.000 It's like 20 ingredients.

00:29:46.000 That's all the stuff you can get off commissary.

00:29:48.000 That's available to you.

00:29:50.000 Like all the stuff.

00:29:51.000 Hey, Gav, you want to turn your mic on?

00:29:53.000 What do you mean?

00:29:54.000 For the Peach Tree on the line.

00:30:01.000 Hello, Peach Tree. 0.98

00:30:05.000 Peach Tree.

00:30:06.000 Or two six.

00:30:10.000 Hello.

00:30:11.000 What's going on?

00:30:12.000 What's up, Peach Tree? 0.99

00:30:16.000 Who the fuck's Peach Tree? 0.99

00:30:18.000 That's what it says on the screener. 0.99

00:30:20.000 Screener's not very accurate, apparently. 1.00

00:30:22.000 You got the wrong motherfucker. 1.00

00:30:25.000 You're Peach Tree, Definitely. 1.00

00:30:26.000 Anyway.

00:30:27.000 Yeah, this was Mark from Philadelphia.

00:30:29.000 No, you're Peachtree.

00:30:31.000 And you've called 18 times.

00:30:34.000 I'll take it.

00:30:35.000 Hey, real quick, look, I know that I only get one thing.

00:30:38.000 So the first thing isn't really a thing, but, you know, I want to get myself a bird, which is the bald eagle tattoo.

00:30:45.000 I'm going to be part of the club.

00:30:47.000 So where can I find your guys?

00:30:51.000 You know what?

00:30:53.000 Good question.

00:30:53.000 We should make that thing.

00:30:56.000 I'm trying to get in the club.

00:30:58.000 We should put that on the site because we're about to have a massive party in Orlando that is going to be a censored.tv a palooza.

00:31:08.000 Nice.

00:31:10.000 Maddie and I will be there.

00:31:11.000 We're going to do the whole show.

00:31:13.000 It's going to be awesome.

00:31:14.000 And if you have this tattoo, you get in free.

00:31:19.000 Nice.

00:31:20.000 So we do need to make this, you know, tattooable.

00:31:26.000 Totes.

00:31:27.000 So we're on it.

00:31:28.000 Buddy, thanks for calling. 0.99

00:31:30.000 We're going to fucking fix that problem. 1.00

00:31:33.000 It's funny when you're drunk, you see yourself slurring and not handling problems and your brain is like coherent and you're like, get it together, shithead. 1.00

00:31:46.000 Like, I got this. 0.98

00:31:47.000 Seeing yourself as a third person. 1.00

00:31:49.000 Yeah, you're watching a drunken idiot. 1.00

00:31:57.000 All right, we got another one on the line here. 1.00

00:32:01.000 Plug in 619.

00:32:02.000 You're on the line.

00:32:03.000 6199.

00:32:06.000 What's going on?

00:32:07.000 What's up, 619?

00:32:10.000 What's up?

00:32:11.000 Tight lips do not sell.

00:32:14.000 Thank you.

00:32:18.000 That was great, Ryan.

00:32:19.000 No, just a quick idea.

00:32:22.000 Ryan, you're kind of a genius. 1.00

00:32:24.000 Your fucking drops are gold. 1.00

00:32:26.000 Thanks. 0.99

00:32:26.000 And I thought maybe using Goat's idea of the karaoke's with the facewaps, if you did request to maybe earn some extra bucks for the show. 0.99

00:32:37.000 Good idea.

00:32:38.000 I haven't really thought it all the way through, but you guys are pretty good with that stuff.

00:32:42.000 I thought that would be a good idea for a lot of the callers here.

00:32:44.000 That's all.

00:32:44.000 Mash up impression songs.

00:32:46.000 Good idea.

00:32:48.000 All right, so let's go behind the paywall now.

00:32:51.000 Thank you very much, freeloaders, for checking in on drunks on St. Patty's Day.

00:32:59.000 But we are now officially shutting down the thing.

00:33:07.000 You're done. 1.00

00:33:08.000 You're fucked. 1.00

00:33:09.000 You're in trouble. 1.00

00:33:11.000 You're toasted.

00:33:12.000 You're fired.

00:33:14.000 Did you like the Johnny Rebel thing this week?

00:33:18.000 Yeah, that was pretty.

00:33:19.000 That mask was haunting.

00:33:22.000 Yeah, a lot of people said those very weird.

00:33:23.000 I can't believe how many people told us that Johnny Rebel's a guy in America.

00:33:30.000 Can I pull that up real quick?

00:33:31.000 It's amazing.

00:33:32.000 It's shocking.

00:33:33.000 The email that we got from this gent who didn't get... 0.99

00:33:37.000 Do you people have any idea that I never really truly fired Ryan?

00:33:44.000 Joe Tonelli never worked here.

00:33:46.000 Oh, my God.

00:33:50.000 Are you familiar with Johnny Rebel?

00:33:54.000 Like, you guys keep explaining our jokes.

00:33:58.000 It's all coming out now, huh?

00:34:00.000 Yeah, it's all all.

00:34:01.000 You know, it was tough because I was on Dalton Claude Felter's show, and he was like, so the firing thing, and I was like, no, it wasn't rehearsed, you know, but we had planned to.

00:34:10.000 The brilliant thing about firing Ryan was Joe Tonelli only had one day off.

00:34:16.000 So we filmed his bits on Tuesday, and then we also aired it on Thursday.

00:34:24.000 So both of his experiences were filmed on the same day.

00:34:30.000 And when you saw him going, what?

00:34:32.000 Are you serious?

00:34:32.000 Come on, really?

00:34:34.000 He wasn't there.

00:34:36.000 That was fake.

00:34:38.000 It's true.

00:34:39.000 We tricked you.

00:34:42.000 So when you saw that guy reacting to me on the Thursday night, he was in White Plains on Thursday night.

00:34:51.000 He was not there.

00:34:52.000 Negative.

00:34:53.000 No.

00:34:54.000 So he was actually video drops.

00:34:58.000 And yes, when he was looking at his girlfriend, it was actually Orion.

00:35:03.000 I'm not talking about that. 0.99

00:35:04.000 So I don't want to ruin all of the gags we do on the show, but come on, for fuck's sakes. 0.99

00:35:12.000 Negative. 0.99

00:35:19.000 You know, it gave it away.

00:35:21.000 We like Easter eggs.

00:35:22.000 And one of the Easter eggs was me clearly saying, no, no, no, say this at the end of one of those clips.

00:35:26.000 Well, I love people telling us who Johnny Rebel is.

00:35:30.000 Oh, my God.

00:35:30.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:35:31.000 That was great.

00:35:31.000 And they're like, Rebel?

00:35:33.000 Leber is Rebel backwards.

00:35:35.000 Yeah.

00:35:36.000 It's also how Chinese people say L's and R's. 1.00

00:35:41.000 You fucking dummy. 1.00

00:35:44.000 He's very informative. 1.00

00:35:45.000 Like, if we didn't know, this is a full summary of who that gentleman is.

00:35:48.000 Did a great job of that.

00:35:50.000 It's like the people telling us about the crazy hot matrix. 0.83

00:35:55.000 Like, there's so many fucking zoomers on this show explaining to us the most basic things imaginable. 0.62

00:36:06.000 So do we send them off with the get fired and the music? 0.98

00:36:11.000 Yes.

00:36:12.000 So, goodbye, freeloaders.

00:36:16.000 Hi.

00:36:17.000 I'm sorry I'm drunk.

00:36:18.000 I'm actually sorry Maddie's so drunk.

00:36:20.000 Maddie's much more drunk than me. 0.99

00:36:23.000 Look at him.

00:36:24.000 He holds it together.

00:36:25.000 Hey, Maddie, what's eight times eight?

00:36:27.000 Eight times eight?

00:36:29.000 72.

00:36:30.000 Say, no, 64.

00:36:31.000 Yep.

00:36:32.000 See?

00:36:32.000 Wasted.

00:36:34.000 Never do math in public.

00:36:35.000 So.

00:36:36.000 I agree.

00:36:37.000 Or in private. 1.00

00:36:38.000 I'm the only sober person here tonight, but we have to shut it down anyway because you guys are fucking... 0.99

00:36:46.000 Oh, wait, wait, wait. 0.99

00:36:47.000 Let me just explain something before we shut it down.

00:36:52.000 So I was under the impression that I could have three different crews.

00:37:01.000 My boxing crew, my MAGA dad crew, and wait, what's the third?

00:37:12.000 My local crew.

00:37:14.000 Oh, duck-in crew. 0.77

00:37:16.000 My local bar crew.

00:37:18.000 So I get wasted, whatever.

00:37:22.000 And then today they go, we're going to go on a pub crawl.

00:37:28.000 So I go, that's awesome.

00:37:30.000 So I don't go out late last night.

00:37:34.000 I got a good eight hours.

00:37:36.000 I spar, which to me means like sparring is like going to a spa.

00:37:44.000 Like it's like doing hot yoga.

00:37:46.000 Like you're ready to tackle the rest of the day if you spar. 0.99

00:37:51.000 Now, while I sparred, I got my ass handed to me. 1.00

00:37:55.000 I got fucking fucked up on the chin. 1.00

00:37:59.000 I actually did not like today very much at all. 1.00

00:38:02.000 Huey was very bad to me.

00:38:13.000 Maddie's face.

00:38:15.000 You gotta be careful with that.

00:38:16.000 So I'm sitting here.

00:38:18.000 I come back to the studio and I'm watching like Dave Wakefield and Stevie Jones jukebox and I watch a bunch of old punk stuff and Steve Jones is talking about mods and rockers and stuff, which was the origin of the Proud Boys.

00:38:34.000 And I start getting in touch with who I am as a person.

00:38:37.000 And I'm like, I'm a flamboyant dude.

00:38:39.000 I'm a peacock.

00:38:41.000 I get it.

00:38:43.000 I get me.

00:38:44.000 So I stop waiting for the text from the boxer guys.

00:38:51.000 This is at like 1 p.m. 1.00

00:38:54.000 And I put on this stupid suit. 1.00

00:38:57.000 And I go to McLean Avenue in Yonkers. 1.00

00:39:04.000 And I go to Dussey Somethings as the first bar.

00:39:09.000 Dirty Nelly's. 0.56

00:39:10.000 Dirty Nelly's. 0.56

00:39:12.000 I go to Dirty Nelly's. 0.53

00:39:14.000 And I'm there, and I have a couple beers, and I watch. 0.99

00:39:18.000 You know, when you're alone at a bar, you're watching like fucking golf and basketball, and you're like. 0.98

00:39:29.000 And McLean Avenue is very regional. 0.96

00:39:32.000 So they're not like, hello, where are you from, buddy?

00:39:36.000 Like, let's talk.

00:39:38.000 So I go, okay.

00:39:40.000 I don't mind that, by the way.

00:39:41.000 I don't need love.

00:39:44.000 And watching those old videos of the English Beat and Pete Townsend and Stevie Jones had like reinstilled who I am as a person.

00:39:55.000 And I remembered that I like youth subculture.

00:39:58.000 So I was like, this is who I am.

00:40:00.000 And I'm going to go to McLean Avenue alone and enjoy myself.

00:40:07.000 So then I go do that.

00:40:09.000 And then I pay my bill.

00:40:11.000 I have two buds in a can.

00:40:13.000 And I go to Whistling Donkey.

00:40:17.000 And are you laughing?

00:40:20.000 Well, me?

00:40:22.000 No, not Maddie.

00:40:23.000 No?

00:40:24.000 No, I'm not laughing at all.

00:40:25.000 I don't think it's funny.

00:40:27.000 I almost was brought to tears.

00:40:29.000 Basically.

00:40:30.000 I mean, because what you're saying is you fundamentally, you know, grounded yourself and found out who you were again.

00:40:36.000 And it's like, well, sure, anybody can do that.

00:40:38.000 Read a book.

00:40:39.000 Read your own biography.

00:40:41.000 But I'd say you don't have a biography.

00:40:43.000 Well, it's like, what do you do?

00:40:44.000 It's like, well, you listen to music.

00:40:46.000 And music has the power.

00:40:49.000 I have a biography.

00:40:50.000 I have a book called Death of the Cool.

00:40:51.000 That's my...

00:40:52.000 Yeah, not everybody has a book, Joe.

00:40:55.000 So when you listen to it...

00:40:56.000 Why are you crying?

00:40:57.000 When you listen to music, it makes you feel like holding it.

00:41:02.000 Like there's some hope.

00:41:04.000 Like there's inspiration.

00:41:06.000 And that's what you did.

00:41:07.000 And I think it's a beautiful music.

00:41:09.000 Hold on.

00:41:09.000 I wasn't even remotely depressed.

00:41:11.000 I was just annoyed.

00:41:13.000 I know.

00:41:15.000 But I'm not crying because of sad things.

00:41:18.000 I cry because of happy things.

00:41:21.000 Like Joe Rogan.

00:41:22.000 Like Joe.

00:41:26.000 It's beautiful.

00:41:27.000 Really?

00:41:33.000 I didn't mean to cut you off.

00:41:34.000 What were you saying?

00:41:36.000 So anyway, I go to the second bar.

00:41:41.000 Now it's like 3 p.m.

00:41:43.000 So when I was sitting at the studio, which is like three feet from here, I thought I could work on my book.

00:41:49.000 I could do some stuff, but I don't want to like start a two-hour project.

00:41:53.000 And then I get a call to go to McField McLaren.

00:41:58.000 What's it called?

00:41:59.000 McLean activity. 1.00

00:42:00.000 McFuck. 1.00

00:42:00.000 McLean. 1.00

00:42:02.000 Who are you, McLean? 1.00

00:42:03.000 Fuck. 1.00

00:42:06.000 So I go down there and I go. 1.00

00:42:13.000 Um. 1.00

00:42:15.000 Fuck you. 1.00

00:42:18.000 I hate you. 1.00

00:42:19.000 You said that to them? 0.99

00:42:21.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:42:22.000 Fuck you. 1.00

00:42:24.000 I hate you. 1.00

00:42:26.000 I did. 0.99

00:42:27.000 I went to two different bars.

00:42:30.000 I had three beers. 1.00

00:42:32.000 I watched a bunch of fucking footage from various parades. 0.99

00:42:42.000 And let me tell you exactly what I said. 0.99

00:42:44.000 Okay?

00:42:45.000 You ready?

00:42:46.000 Yes.

00:42:47.000 We have footage of you entering the bar, by the way.

00:42:49.000 What you do?

00:42:51.000 Hello.

00:42:52.000 Okay.

00:42:53.000 So I go, I'm going to send you this, Ryan.

00:42:56.000 Okay.

00:42:57.000 I'm sorry, that wasn't the footage.

00:42:58.000 This was the footage.

00:42:59.000 Good afternoon, guys.

00:43:03.000 Ryan, I actually don't like it when you're funnier than me on my show.

00:43:08.000 So let's have a little meter.

00:43:14.000 That's cool at that point.

00:43:15.000 You get like a.

00:43:17.000 Well, it's fitting that it's a meter, isn't it?

00:43:19.000 Because it's about me, not about you.

00:43:20.000 Otherwise, it'd be a uter.

00:43:22.000 Okay, so this is what I said.

00:43:24.000 I go, gotta love Ryan's pub crawls.

00:43:27.000 He really knows how to put a party together.

00:43:31.000 And then one of the people on the chat goes, where are you at?

00:43:36.000 You got your Sunday best on?

00:43:38.000 And then some stranger, I don't know, I just see him as a number.

00:43:42.000 He's like, yo, I'll be in that area at seven.

00:43:44.000 Anyone still out?

00:43:46.000 And then he goes, Gavin, Uber to Rory Dollins.

00:43:53.000 And I go, no.

00:43:55.000 I go, I just did Dirty Nellies. 1.00

00:43:59.000 Now I'm at Whistling Donkey.

00:44:01.000 I had a great day so far watching parades and golf on TV.

00:44:08.000 And he's like, dude, calm down where we are.

00:44:13.000 And I go, wait, you already started hanging out?

00:44:16.000 Oh.

00:44:17.000 I go, thanks for the heads up.

00:44:20.000 And he goes, I said I'd text you after I'm done eating.

00:44:23.000 I go, I got a way better idea. 1.00

00:44:26.000 Why don't you go fuck yourself? 1.00

00:44:29.000 Damn. 1.00

00:44:32.000 And then I said it worse because he's had a lot of shitty pub crawls that have sucked. 1.00

00:44:38.000 The first one was awesome. 0.96

00:44:40.000 We dressed up as the guys from like Peaky Blinders. 0.99

00:44:44.000 But the past like four, five have sucked shit. 0.99

00:44:48.000 So I go, I'm done with these shitty parties and half-assed plans. 1.00

00:44:53.000 Buh-bye. 0.98

00:44:56.000 And he's like, I'm waiting for you, blah, blah, blah. 1.00

00:45:04.000 Damn. 0.99

00:45:05.000 So was he hurt by that? 1.00

00:45:07.000 Who cares?

00:45:08.000 Wow. 1.00

00:45:11.000 So anyway, the moral of the story is, remember when you would fuck a bunch of chicks when you were single and you had like that tall Korean chick that you love fucking but you had nothing in common with? 1.00

00:45:26.000 And you would try to fuck her like once every two weeks. 1.00

00:45:29.000 But if you didn't talk to her regularly via text, she'd like move on. 0.98

00:45:37.000 So I think what I learned today is you can't have like three crews.

00:45:45.000 I used to have my Mameronek duck-in crew, my MAGA Dad Larchmont crew, and my boxing crew.

00:45:56.000 I think it's naive to think you're going to have three kids and three crews.

00:46:01.000 I got to amalgamate those.

00:46:04.000 I am done.

00:46:05.000 Here we go.

00:46:05.000 I'm done.

00:46:07.000 Yeah, that's me.

00:46:08.000 I'm done.

00:46:09.000 I'm done trying to have three crews.

00:46:13.000 Too much work.

00:46:14.000 It's too much work. 1.00

00:46:17.000 Like, when you meet that girl that you fucked, that like tall Korean chick, and you're like, hey, Liz, I want to fuck you again. 1.00

00:46:26.000 And she's like, I haven't seen you in three weeks, dude. 1.00

00:46:29.000 I haven't heard from you.

00:46:30.000 Not even a text.

00:46:31.000 I have a boyfriend now.

00:46:33.000 Goodbye.

00:46:33.000 Yeah, you're not the chick that you could just call at any time, put in no work.

00:46:38.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:46:39.000 Yeah, fuck that. 1.00

00:46:41.000 Wait, you sound like... 1.00

00:46:43.000 Well, I like him too, but I don't know if I like him that much.

00:46:47.000 At any rate, I'm on your side.

00:46:50.000 Tonight was an abomination.

00:46:52.000 I'm done with my boxing crew.

00:46:54.000 I'm done with those guys.

00:46:55.000 I'm breaking up with them.

00:46:57.000 My crews are now my local bar and my MAGA dads. 1.00

00:47:02.000 Damn. 1.00

00:47:06.000 Well, they get what they freaking deserve. 1.00

00:47:14.000 It hurts. 0.75

00:47:18.000 What the?

00:47:19.000 What was that?

00:47:20.000 Is that...

00:47:21.000 Hey, computer, what's 8 times 7?

00:47:25.000 64.

00:47:26.000 8 times 7 is 56.

00:47:27.000 Oops.

00:47:29.000 I never heard a woman be good at math before. 1.00

00:47:32.000 All right, so we're done.

00:47:33.000 We're going behind the paywall.

00:47:35.000 We're going to take live stream donations for exclusively Joe Biggs, who is in solitary confinement for daring to trespass on the Capitol.

00:47:51.000 We'll also answer letters and have a gay old time. 0.99

00:47:55.000 But as far as fucking, you know, freeloaders, goodbye. 1.00

00:48:04.000 Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting. 1.00

00:48:09.000 Watch out!

00:48:14.000 To be free, nothing wrong with that.

00:48:40.000 Mr. You okay?

00:48:45.000 Now you know this is one of the oldest symbols. 0.99

00:48:49.000 Well, that means you're gay. 0.99

00:48:53.000 The wise thing. 0.99

00:49:02.000 So easy and free.

00:49:14.000 So good love you.

00:49:17.000 So brown me and my watch comes out of play.

00:49:26.000 So easy on the tree when the day comes on me.

00:49:34.000 I'm a man you don't need.

00:49:37.000 Sarah Egan was one of my closest friends.

00:49:41.000 She was going to marry David Cross, but she said no, who knows? 1.00

00:49:48.000 Maybe it was dick size? 1.00

00:49:49.000 I don't know. 1.00

00:49:51.000 But then she dumped me.

00:49:53.000 Unbelievable.

00:49:55.000 Her loss.

00:49:58.000 I don't get it.

00:50:00.000 I love her.

00:50:03.000 Same with Caddy Shadowins.

00:50:06.000 Our home nanny.

00:50:10.000 That's the weird thing about these dumps is they don't go like, did you say the Holocaust didn't happen? 0.97

00:50:17.000 To which if you were a Holocaust in our, you'd be like, well, I knew this was coming. 0.93

00:50:22.000 Bye. 1.00

00:50:22.000 Fuck you. 1.00

00:50:24.000 Didn't happen, bitch. 1.00

00:50:25.000 300,000. 1.00

00:50:27.000 Bye.

00:50:27.000 Yeah.

00:50:29.000 It was a smattering of Jews.

00:50:32.000 $700,000 and a trillion three hundred million billion dollars. 1.00

00:50:38.000 But these fuckers just like dump you for no reason. 1.00

00:50:43.000 And I want to make it clear here. 1.00

00:50:45.000 I'm not heartbroken. 0.99

00:50:47.000 I don't give a shit. 0.98

00:50:49.000 It's more curious. 1.00

00:50:55.000 Like Maddie Odell, if he was like, fuck you, you're dead to me. 1.00

00:51:02.000 Cut off. 1.00

00:51:03.000 I would call him the next day and be like, wait, what?

00:51:07.000 Why?

00:51:08.000 And if he didn't respond, I'd go, Maddie lost his mind.

00:51:12.000 He's not explaining himself, blah, blah, blah.

00:51:16.000 But I'm not talking about Maddieisms. 0.67

00:51:18.000 I'm talking about like, you know, people you knew, like, Katie was our nanny.

00:51:26.000 Like, she helped raise my kids.

00:51:29.000 And she was super racist. 1.00

00:51:32.000 Her jokes. 1.00

00:51:33.000 Isn't that the fucking thing? 1.00

00:51:34.000 We all did like earburning jokes about blacks and stuff. 1.00

00:51:38.000 I have a friend that dumped me in for Trump, and he, dude, he made me uncomfortable back in high school with his racist. 0.61

00:51:44.000 Yeah, that's the thing.

00:51:45.000 Hilarious. 1.00

00:51:47.000 Like, they did jigaboo jokes, and they had a fucking rat named... 0.99

00:51:54.000 And you go, what about your rat? 1.00

00:51:58.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:51:59.000 Hypocrites. 0.99

00:52:01.000 But yeah, Sarah Egan, she was super funny and cool. 0.97

00:52:08.000 you know what I was thinking about, by the way, with the Holocaust denying like bad guy Nazis? 0.80

00:52:15.000 Here's their version of events.

00:52:18.000 Let's just hear their totally innocent, totally cool, totally pro-Jew Nazi version of events. 0.95

00:52:26.000 All we did was round up Jews and put them in concentration camps, just like you guys with the Japs and the internment camps. 1.00

00:52:39.000 We just felt these people were a detriment to us.

00:52:44.000 And then they bombed the supply chains.

00:52:48.000 And we couldn't feed them.

00:52:50.000 We couldn't feed our own POWs.

00:52:53.000 So approximately 300,000 to 600,000 Jews died.

00:53:00.000 They starved to death.

00:53:02.000 Okay, so that's their version of events.

00:53:05.000 That's still pretty bad.

00:53:07.000 You rounded up people based on their religion.

00:53:11.000 And POWs are your responsibility, by the way. 0.93

00:53:15.000 So if there's a bombing, that's on you.

00:53:18.000 Even if you didn't predict the bombing, that's on you.

00:53:21.000 So you starved to death 300,000 to 600,000.

00:53:27.000 This is the good guys.

00:53:29.000 This is their version of the good guys.

00:53:35.000 Almost a million Jews died of starvation.

00:53:38.000 Pretty bad.

00:53:41.000 Pretty bad, guys.

00:53:42.000 Yeah.

00:53:44.000 Pretty bad.

00:53:45.000 Not good.

00:53:46.000 Not good.

00:53:47.000 Don't round up Buddhists. 1.00

00:53:50.000 Don't round up... 0.83

00:53:53.000 Don't round up Nazis, for that matter.

00:53:57.000 Like, don't round up people with a belief system in the first place.

00:54:02.000 That's really, really bad.

00:54:05.000 I don't care what the belief system is.

00:54:07.000 I don't care what the religion is.

00:54:09.000 Don't ever round up anyone.

00:54:15.000 Now, I would defend the internment camps in World War II because they were trying to find spies.

00:54:22.000 Oh, the Japanese, yeah, they were killing themselves. 1.00

00:54:26.000 So you can't trust.

00:54:28.000 The other thing about the internment camps is it wasn't just Japanese.

00:54:32.000 It was spies. 1.00

00:54:34.000 It was clowns. 0.99

00:54:35.000 It was anyone who was threatening America. 0.99

00:54:39.000 I heard they weren't so bad.

00:54:42.000 Not to trivialize the American internment camps, but I heard that they weren't so bad. 0.99

00:54:47.000 They were awesome.

00:54:48.000 Did Malkin do something on that?

00:54:49.000 Who did something on that?

00:54:50.000 Michelle Malkin wrote a book called In Defense of Internment Camps. 0.96

00:54:54.000 I was in my son's room last week, and he was away at my in-law's house, and so I'm wandering around my own home, and I see this fucking graphic novel. 0.97

00:55:07.000 And it's George DeKay, We Were Niggers. 0.98

00:55:11.000 What?

00:55:12.000 Okay, I'm exaggerating.

00:55:15.000 I don't know what the book was called.

00:55:16.000 Oh, my. 1.00

00:55:17.000 We were jerks. 0.99

00:55:20.000 And I text him, I go, what is this? 1.00

00:55:23.000 Is this what you're fucking being taught in school? 0.99

00:55:27.000 I go, we fought the Nazis and won. 1.00

00:55:32.000 We ended a world war.

00:55:36.000 Yes, we were mean.

00:55:38.000 They called us enemy.

00:55:40.000 That's it.

00:55:41.000 I go, yes, we were rude.

00:55:42.000 Yes, we were bad.

00:55:45.000 Yes, internment camps were horrible.

00:55:48.000 Sorry, that's war.

00:55:50.000 It was not great.

00:55:52.000 Never is.

00:55:56.000 And so I bought Michelle Malkin's book in defense of internment camps, and I gave it to him.

00:56:03.000 And he said, this will make a great paperweight.

00:56:09.000 And you should be like, and by the way, George Takai is a... 1.00

00:56:12.000 He's a faggot. 1.00

00:56:14.000 No, I did send him that. 1.00

00:56:16.000 No way.

00:56:16.000 No, I sent him an article about George Takai molesting a guy.

00:56:20.000 Wow.

00:56:21.000 And I was like, this is who your school is telling you to research.

00:56:26.000 But in his defense, my son said, dude, I just hate books.

00:56:31.000 And this was a graphic novel, so I thought it'll go faster.

00:56:36.000 And then I proceeded to send him 37 graphic novels that we have on our own books.

00:56:42.000 That are dope.

00:56:43.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:56:44.000 Of like Persepolis and Guy DeLeal and Joe Sacco and a million awesome graphic novels.

00:56:52.000 By the way, is it a surprise that he does man rape when his name is literally George Take Guy?

00:56:58.000 I mean, come on, guys. 0.76

00:57:00.000 All the signs are there.

00:57:02.000 Let's take I call. 0.97

00:57:06.000 Let's torture Ryan with all his worst jokes. 0.52

00:57:10.000 George Take Guy.

00:57:13.000 413, you're on the line.

00:57:18.000 Hello.

00:57:18.000 Yeah, Kenny.

00:57:21.000 Hello?

00:57:22.000 Hi.

00:57:22.000 Yeah, Kenny.

00:57:24.000 You're cutting out a little bit, not going to lie.

00:57:27.000 You're calling about January 6th in Rikers Island?

00:57:30.000 Yep.

00:57:31.000 That's better.

00:57:32.000 Yes.

00:57:34.000 Yeah, so I wanted to call and talk about my January 6th story.

00:57:41.000 Okay.

00:57:43.000 So I was inside Rikers Island, actually.

00:57:46.000 I just got there.

00:57:48.000 I'm not going to lie, I'm not a big dude.

00:57:51.000 About 130 pounds, 5'6 Jewish guy.

00:57:56.000 And they stuck me in what they call like a blood dorm. 0.75

00:58:01.000 And I was the only white person there.

00:58:04.000 And it was quite interesting.

00:58:06.000 The guards were black Hebrew Israelites.

00:58:09.000 And so I'm seeing on the screen this images of January 6th. 0.92

00:58:15.000 And all the inmates thought that I was an anti-black terrorist because they had me in there on these bogus charges saying that I tried to blow up a mall with a pack of hot dogs.

00:58:25.000 And so all of... 0.66

00:58:27.000 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

00:58:30.000 You tried to blow up a mall with a pack of hot dogs.

00:58:35.000 I mean, that's what they claimed.

00:58:37.000 They evacuated, like, a whole mall in Queens and a couple of blocks, and they made a whole stink, and they put it all over the news.

00:58:47.000 Now I'm starting to think that you're doing, like, a prank call.

00:58:50.000 No, I know this guy.

00:58:51.000 You do?

00:58:52.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:58:53.000 You met him?

00:58:53.000 And he has a New York accent?

00:58:55.000 Yeah.

00:58:56.000 He's a Jew. 1.00

00:58:57.000 Okay, sorry.

00:58:57.000 Go ahead.

00:58:58.000 He's a Jew. 1.00

00:59:00.000 That's me vouching.

00:59:00.000 I know, isn't Matt?

00:59:04.000 Are you a Met fan?

00:59:06.000 I just...

00:59:07.000 No.

00:59:07.000 No, I'm Red Sox.

00:59:10.000 Red Sox?

00:59:12.000 How do Jewish New Yorkers support the Red Sox?

00:59:16.000 No, I'm from Massachusetts, but I don't know.

00:59:18.000 Oh, you're forced to...

00:59:19.000 If you don't support the Red Sox and you're in mass, you're going to get beat up.

00:59:22.000 So I understood.

00:59:26.000 Go ahead.

00:59:28.000 Yeah, no. 0.99

00:59:28.000 Anyhow, so I'm watching this, and then all the black guys just start going crazy. 0.99

00:59:34.000 And they locked us down for the next two days. 0.90

00:59:38.000 And the entire time, the guards were all screaming at me, like calling me the synagogue of Satan and saying that I was controlling this insurrection and it was a Zionist plot.

00:59:50.000 And it was just a very bizarre experience because on the news, the only story that we saw was about the insurrection and then about the fact that they had a so-called vaccine shortage.

01:00:02.000 And at the same time, they had these bureaucrats coming into the cell. 1.00

01:00:07.000 And mind you, because of COVID, they already cleared out most of the islands.

01:00:10.000 The only people left were like the rapists and the murderers and me.

01:00:14.000 And so they bring in this bureaucrat and he's like explaining the benefits of the vaccine and why we need to take it as inmates.

01:00:22.000 And on the news, they're saying there's a shortage, but they're not giving it to the guards at this point.

01:00:25.000 They're just giving it to us.

01:00:28.000 And so I was like, is it a DNA vaccine or an mRNA vaccine?

01:00:32.000 The guy's like, oh, it's an mRNA vaccine.

01:00:35.000 I was like, oh, has it been taken the safety tests?

01:00:38.000 And he's like, what are you doing?

01:00:40.000 And so a couple of days he had signed off, and he's telling the people, he's like, yeah, you'll get a high sensation from it.

01:00:48.000 I mean, it was just such a bizarre thing.

01:00:50.000 And I couldn't access the internet.

01:00:52.000 So I obviously couldn't research the vaccine, but it was just an indicator. 0.98

01:00:56.000 When they started offering it to him, it's like, what the fuck is going on? 0.98

01:01:00.000 You know what I mean? 0.98

01:01:01.000 So did you take it?

01:01:04.000 No, no, no, no, no.

01:01:06.000 Are you allowed to not take it?

01:01:09.000 Yeah, you have to sign a special disclosure because of your medical rights or whatnot.

01:01:15.000 But they wouldn't let me go out into the yard because I didn't take it.

01:01:18.000 They would harass me and whatnot.

01:01:19.000 Try to tell me to wear a mask.

01:01:21.000 And what prison is this?

01:01:24.000 Rikers Island.

01:01:25.000 I'm sorry?

01:01:25.000 Rikers Island.

01:01:26.000 Yeah, it's AMKC.

01:01:30.000 Wow.

01:01:32.000 All right, thanks for calling.

01:01:33.000 That's crazy, man.

01:01:35.000 Thanks.

01:01:39.000 It's Davin?

01:01:41.000 That can't be.

01:01:42.000 516.

01:01:44.000 Yo, what up?

01:01:46.000 What's going on?

01:01:47.000 Hey, man.

01:01:48.000 Alright.

01:01:49.000 Yo, I just want to say that, Ryan, you're awesome.

01:01:53.000 Hey, thanks. 0.99

01:01:54.000 And when Davin's bullying you and fighting words, you should punch him in the face. 0.98

01:02:00.000 I would never. 0.98

01:02:01.000 I don't get.

01:02:01.000 Okay, you know what?

01:02:02.000 Go ahead. 0.99

01:02:03.000 Punch me in the face while I'm yelling about a thing. 0.99

01:02:07.000 Does that make the thing go away? 0.97

01:02:10.000 That's true.

01:02:11.000 It's almost admitting guilt.

01:02:12.000 Like, Ryan, you didn't edit this.

01:02:15.000 You took 18 hours to make this thing. 1.00

01:02:18.000 That's fucked up, you fucking idiot. 1.00

01:02:20.000 You asshole. 1.00

01:02:21.000 Oh, yeah? 1.00

01:02:22.000 Bonk.

01:02:23.000 Okay.

01:02:24.000 Now was it done sooner?

01:02:26.000 Yes.

01:02:27.000 As a person who avoids guilt at all costs, that would be like me being like, I'm guilty.

01:02:33.000 And you actually.

01:02:34.000 This is the problem with the whole like, fight the guy.

01:02:38.000 Okay.

01:02:40.000 If you fight the guy, does the thing change?

01:02:43.000 Yeah, I think in a lot of ways, anger is weakness.

01:02:47.000 And I have control over my anger.

01:02:50.000 Next call.

01:02:50.000 Because I'm strong, like a bull.

01:02:55.000 Brian...

01:02:56.000 Oh, I don't want to say his last name, but he had it there.

01:02:58.000 626.

01:02:59.000 You're on the line.

01:03:02.000 What's going on, Brian?

01:03:04.000 Hello?

01:03:04.000 Hey, what's going on?

01:03:06.000 Hey.

01:03:06.000 Hey, Gavin, I have a question for you.

01:03:08.000 So I want to know how you feel about the Ramones.

01:03:13.000 Oh, great question.

01:03:18.000 Here's what I think about the Ramones.

01:03:21.000 In the 70s, there was this massive push to reboot the 50s.

01:03:28.000 Everyone loved it.

01:03:29.000 Laverde and Shirley, it was the thing.

01:03:33.000 So a lot of New Yorkers, and by the way, all media, all movies came from New York at the time.

01:03:40.000 Now it comes from Hollywood.

01:03:41.000 But back then, it was from New York.

01:03:44.000 So American culture was about supporting the 50s. 0.99

01:03:50.000 I don't know fucking why. 0.99

01:03:51.000 What a weird thing. 0.99

01:03:52.000 Greece, happy days.

01:03:53.000 Rumble seats, Greece, happy days. 1.00

01:03:56.000 Hey, I'm a bum.

01:03:57.000 Hey, the Fons, whatever.

01:03:59.000 Fons comes from Lords of Flatbush, Henry Winkler. 1.00

01:04:04.000 So the Ramones are a bunch of fucking retarded meatheads who said, let's do Rockabilly. 1.00

01:04:15.000 Okay, hey, oh, let's go. 1.00

01:04:18.000 We'll burn up the backsheets.

01:04:19.000 They were so nervous on stage that they sped it up.

01:04:24.000 And so they accidentally made kind of punk.

01:04:29.000 Do you want to dance?

01:04:32.000 So they created this fast rockabilly that the Brits, of course, the British people, when they saw them, they went, oh my God, what they're doing is they're showing you that the working class can make rock and roll.

01:04:48.000 And it's so inspiring.

01:04:50.000 No, that's all an accident. 0.99

01:04:52.000 Joy Ramon is a retarded Jew acting like an Italian. 1.00

01:04:57.000 It's all a shit show. 1.00

01:05:02.000 So, but so, okay, so I read this book when I was like 15. 0.99

01:05:06.000 It was like, I don't know, it just said Ramones on the cover.

01:05:08.000 It was like the story of the Ramones. 0.99

01:05:10.000 And it was like fucking their dick saying, like, they were, they strayed punk and they inspired like the sex pistols and the clash. 1.00

01:05:17.000 Is that like revisionist history? 1.00

01:05:19.000 Is that fake?

01:05:21.000 Or is that true?

01:05:23.000 Um, good question.

01:05:26.000 I don't know. 0.99

01:05:27.000 It's possible that the sex pistols in the clash saw Joey Ramon and these fucking dumb losers from Queens in 1979 play a show in London at the 100 Club or wherever it was and go, 0.99

01:05:45.000 oh my God, what they're doing is so profound. 0.99

01:05:50.000 They're reinventing what rock and roll can be. 0.97

01:05:54.000 So it's possible that these dummies saw the Ramones do that dumb show and they went like, it's a gift from God. 0.96

01:06:03.000 But what's incredibly important to remember is that the Sex Puzzles already had a set list before the Ramones played that show. 0.97

01:06:15.000 The Clash already had a set list.

01:06:17.000 They're already ready to rock before the Ramones played that show.

01:06:22.000 The Ramones did not invent punk rock.

01:06:25.000 Punk rock was already thriving in bubbling up, you would say.

01:06:35.000 Are you trying to say like the Ramones were like pushed forward because they were embodying that like 1950s aesthetic?

01:06:43.000 Like they were propped up, would you say?

01:06:44.000 I think the Ramones went for the 1950s aesthetic because that's what everyone was doing then.

01:06:51.000 Including, by the way, Twisted Sister and a bunch of other bands.

01:06:57.000 You mean New York Dolls?

01:06:58.000 The New York Dolls.

01:07:01.000 They did that show in London, and because of the timing, everyone goes, oh, America invented punk.

01:07:10.000 But it's not true.

01:07:13.000 Brits had, the Clash and the Sex Buses had already had their set lists done.

01:07:19.000 They'd already established their bands. 0.87

01:07:21.000 And I know I'm slurring like a drunken idiot, so I don't sound accurate, but it's a fact. 0.99

01:07:27.000 Was the whole CBGB thing like bullshit? 0.99

01:07:31.000 Or like, what do you think about that then? 1.00

01:07:33.000 Wait, what's bullshit? 0.98

01:07:35.000 The CBGB scene, like with Blondie, the Talking Heads. 0.99

01:07:38.000 CBGB was fantastic, but it was art rock.

01:07:42.000 Television, all those bands, Talking Heads, they were art school kids who were doing art rock.

01:07:49.000 That wasn't punk.

01:07:52.000 Punk had to be...

01:07:53.000 The definition of punk is like a guy screaming because he's mad at you.

01:07:59.000 For sure.

01:08:00.000 That was maybe the Dead Boys.

01:08:02.000 You could do that for CBGBs.

01:08:06.000 No.

01:08:07.000 New York invented the word punk, but as far as the music, it was British.

01:08:15.000 Who's this guy talking?

01:08:17.000 Like the attitude and everything.

01:08:18.000 Thanks for calling.

01:08:19.000 Good job holding down the Fort Rye guy.

01:08:22.000 Have Maddie tell prison slash bikers with us to show. 1.00

01:08:27.000 Let us know how much you remember on the Monday G-Dog.

01:08:30.000 Okay, that's very insulting.

01:08:32.000 CBGs.

01:08:34.000 That sounds like a little candy you could eat.

01:08:38.000 Those aren't CBGs.

01:08:40.000 Those are M ⁇ Ms. 1.00

01:08:42.000 Whatever.

01:08:43.000 I wish they had bacon on them.

01:08:49.000 I got on my pillow today.

01:08:51.000 That guy was on our side, by the way, for a while.

01:08:54.000 Jim Gaffigan?

01:08:56.000 Yeah.

01:08:56.000 Yeah, but then his wife was like...

01:08:58.000 So yeah, 100% of the live feeds go to Joe Biggs.

01:09:04.000 He needs 80 grand.

01:09:06.000 This is kind of a good would you rather? 0.99

01:09:08.000 Would you rather piss to bed tonight or shit your pants in the car on the way home? 0.99

01:09:16.000 Neither of those seem like a big deal to me. 0.99

01:09:21.000 One of them seems like a big deal. 0.96

01:09:22.000 I mean, I shit myself at the bar tonight.

01:09:25.000 You did what? 0.99

01:09:27.000 I shit myself at the duck. 1.00

01:09:29.000 That's gross. 0.99

01:09:31.000 Did it taste like candy?

01:09:33.000 I don't know.

01:09:34.000 I didn't taste it. 1.00

01:09:35.000 Why is he talking about tasting his shit? 1.00

01:09:38.000 Because I'm hungry. 1.00

01:09:48.000 Somebody asked a pretty good question.

01:09:49.000 They were for consequential amounts of money.

01:09:52.000 Meeting girlfriends' parents for the first time.

01:09:54.000 Any advice? 1.00

01:09:56.000 Shut up. 1.00

01:09:57.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:10:00.000 Yeah.

01:10:00.000 Can Maddie bake?

01:10:03.000 I don't do a lot.

01:10:04.000 I have, but it's not my forte.

01:10:08.000 And then they asked about $50, asking you about Blink 182 and the pop punk era of quote-unquote punk. 0.99

01:10:16.000 Like the fat records type of shit. 0.99

01:10:18.000 Yeah, that's what made me quit punk. 1.00

01:10:21.000 I hated that shit. 1.00

01:10:23.000 I'm white trash. 1.00

01:10:24.000 Fuck off. 1.00

01:10:25.000 The bowling shirts. 1.00

01:10:27.000 The bowling shirts made me quit.

01:10:30.000 But you know what's weird? 0.96

01:10:31.000 I was saying this on, I can't remember whose podcast it was, but I was like, I went over to NWA and Paris and MC Ren and all these MC rap dudes who would just talk about white people and how they all need to die. 0.98

01:10:49.000 And I'd be sitting there with my headphones being like, fucking right, man. 1.00

01:10:55.000 The white devil needs to die. 1.00

01:10:59.000 Die. 1.00

01:11:00.000 For like five years of my life. 0.99

01:11:02.000 Gangsta rap.

01:11:03.000 Yeah. 0.97

01:11:05.000 MC Wren, the black nigga that they call Wren. 1.00

01:11:09.000 Or Paris, the devil made me do it. 0.99

01:11:14.000 Strange. 0.91

01:11:16.000 It's a strange thing about whites. 1.00

01:11:18.000 And I can't repeat how much, how often this has come up, but like Japanese, Mexicans, blacks, there's something about whites Where they're just like, let's kill all white people. 0.99

01:11:33.000 And white people go, Yeah, that sounds good. 1.00

01:11:38.000 Let's do it.

01:11:40.000 I can't figure it out.

01:11:42.000 Doesn't sound like a good idea to me.

01:11:45.000 No other group is like that.

01:11:49.000 Or even tonight, like when I was leaving the boxers who I'm dumping, by the way. 0.99

01:11:55.000 I'm dumping those guys.

01:11:56.000 We're done.

01:11:58.000 I'm coming back to my main core friends, like Maddie. 0.99

01:12:03.000 And it's an African dude with dumb mesh pants, and he makes sure I wear my mask because he's a retard. 1.00

01:12:11.000 And I'm like, so he moved here from, I don't know, the Congo, and he's got a gig driving a cab in, you know, driving an Uber in New York. 0.99

01:12:22.000 Imagine us moving to Paris.

01:12:25.000 My French sucks, but I could probably, you know, do good enough to pick up people from their locations.

01:12:33.000 The idea of me picking up someone in Paris, 0% chance. 0.79

01:12:38.000 0% chance. 0.98

01:12:40.000 But why do we constantly have, like, you go to the fucking airport in Ottawa, Canada, and everyone's a Sikh. 1.00

01:12:48.000 They all have the fucking turbine. 0.99

01:12:50.000 The idea of me going to, we're Sikhs, Bangladesh, and being at the airport with, I don't know, a fucking sideways rap baseball hat and being like, what's going on, dude? 1.00

01:13:04.000 Yo, what's up, nigga? 1.00

01:13:06.000 And checking their fucking ID, it's unfathomable. 0.99

01:13:12.000 Why are we so eager to let everyone in when they would never consider letting us in? 1.00

01:13:20.000 Go move to fucking Spain tomorrow. 0.99

01:13:24.000 Go work in an airport in Barcelona tomorrow. 1.00

01:13:29.000 It's not fathomable.

01:13:31.000 No.

01:13:33.000 I don't care if you're the top airport expert in New York City. 0.98

01:13:39.000 There's no fucking way you can work in Barcelona. 0.99

01:13:44.000 But if you're some random fucking seek, yeah, you can work in any airport in fucking New York. 0.99

01:13:54.000 We got a caller on the line named Brian651. 0.99

01:13:58.000 Is this true?

01:14:01.000 Hey.

01:14:02.000 Hey.

01:14:02.000 What's going on?

01:14:03.000 I need some fashion advice about your jewelry, about your Cuban chain.

01:14:10.000 Wondering what the length is and what the diameter is.

01:14:14.000 My Cuban lengths chain is the normal Italian Brooklyn guy that has it. 0.95

01:14:22.000 Thanks for calling.

01:14:24.000 I've had this for 20 years now.

01:14:28.000 My wife got it for me.

01:14:30.000 Nice.

01:14:34.000 Let's see, we got Calvin about his relationship, 949.

01:14:40.000 Hello, Gavin.

01:14:42.000 Hey, man.

01:14:44.000 Hey, can you hear me?

01:14:45.000 Yes.

01:14:48.000 First of all, this is the one I was going to say, but I have to say, Gavin, like, Ryan, you are in the presence of a legend amongst legends.

01:14:56.000 Like, I don't know, dude.

01:14:58.000 I'm 20 years old, and you're funny, Ryan, but you have the best job in the world.

01:15:03.000 I'm so jealous, bro.

01:15:05.000 Thank you.

01:15:08.000 Second thing, the main thing I wanted to say, Gavin, is so I'm 20 years old.

01:15:15.000 I live in San Diego.

01:15:18.000 I want to go back to college, but every college I have to get vaccinated.

01:15:23.000 I did online school during COVID, and it was the most depressing saga of my life.

01:15:28.000 So I just, honestly, I'm looking at moving to Texas or another state, but I love it down here in Southern California other than how left it is.

01:15:36.000 But I just, I don't know what to do.

01:15:37.000 I want to take a school.

01:15:38.000 Go to school.

01:15:39.000 What are you going to take in school?

01:15:42.000 What do I want to do in school?

01:15:44.000 Yeah.

01:15:45.000 Business.

01:15:46.000 Business.

01:15:47.000 What does that mean?

01:15:49.000 Like, you're going to take business in school.

01:15:51.000 I don't get it.

01:15:53.000 Like, wouldn't it make...

01:15:54.000 You could open a lemonade stand and you'd learn more about business than you would in school.

01:16:01.000 Well, my main option is journalism, but like, I know for a fact I've deleted all my social media just because it's not good.

01:16:09.000 But if I became a journalist, they're going to find a tweet from my past.

01:16:16.000 I can't go into journalism as a conservative, right?

01:16:19.000 Right?

01:16:21.000 Sort of.

01:16:22.000 I mean, you can't go into that.

01:16:23.000 Look at Savannah, what's her name, Hernandez? 1.00

01:16:28.000 I think so.

01:16:28.000 Yeah, that sounds about right.

01:16:29.000 Savannah Hernandez. 1.00

01:16:31.000 Yeah, dude, fuck, stop what you're doing. 1.00

01:16:34.000 Get out of college. 1.00

01:16:36.000 If you want to relay the news and do storytelling, do what I do. 1.00

01:16:43.000 Just make up your own shit. 0.99

01:16:45.000 But the idea of acquiescing into the mainstream and generating normal dollars from what? 1.00

01:16:52.000 MSNBC? 1.00

01:16:55.000 What do you mean by make up your own shit? 1.00

01:16:58.000 Just like, I don't know, tweet yourself. 1.00

01:17:01.000 Like, make your own statements.

01:17:06.000 All right.

01:17:07.000 Thank you, Gavin.

01:17:09.000 Okay, he didn't seem convinced.

01:17:10.000 Tim Poole's hiring people, too.

01:17:12.000 He's expanding his journalist thing.

01:17:14.000 Go join Tim Poole.

01:17:15.000 Like, apply for that. 1.00

01:17:17.000 There's people making, you know, shit. 1.00

01:17:20.000 It's true. 1.00

01:17:24.000 We got...

01:17:25.000 The idea of being remotely intelligent and going to journalism school.

01:17:31.000 Okay, I did it.

01:17:33.000 I got my degree.

01:17:35.000 And then you want to apply to like the Washington Post, the New York Times, and Breitbart.

01:17:43.000 Why not?

01:17:44.000 I'm an unbiased reporter. 0.98

01:17:47.000 I'm just looking up the news, and I want to report on shit that's happening with Breitbart and the New York Times. 0.93

01:17:55.000 Why not? 0.98

01:17:56.000 It's just facts.

01:17:59.000 No.

01:18:00.000 Not happening anymore.

01:18:02.000 It's all done.

01:18:04.000 Media is a joke. 1.00

01:18:06.000 So stop wasting your fucking money. 1.00

01:18:12.000 Oh, the debt. 1.00

01:18:14.000 That is insane.

01:18:16.000 It's 300 grand. 1.00

01:18:18.000 I'm rich as shit. 1.00

01:18:20.000 300 grand? 1.00

01:18:22.000 That's me getting punched in the cunt. 1.00

01:18:26.000 And I have three kids. 1.00

01:18:29.000 Luckily, they're Indians, so they get free college, but if they didn't, I just go, don't go. 1.00

01:18:38.000 You're not going.

01:18:39.000 No.

01:18:40.000 If you're obsessed with biochemistry and you know the periodic table of the elements, by all means, let's do it. 0.98

01:18:50.000 I'll fucking empty my bank account. 0.87

01:18:52.000 But that's never the case. 1.00

01:18:54.000 They're always teaching like speech pathology or some bullshit. 0.98

01:18:58.000 Multimedia. 0.98

01:19:00.000 What does that even mean?

01:19:04.000 You'll be so broke, you'll make William Rockefeller look like Gary's mailbag, babe.

01:19:11.000 You know, our very own Josh LaCash interviewed Mr. Sam Hyde.

01:19:17.000 Oh, that's cool.

01:19:18.000 And talking about only finance.

01:19:20.000 And he's like, yeah, don't go to school.

01:19:23.000 Don't go to school. 0.99

01:19:24.000 It's retarded. 1.00

01:19:25.000 Go to school if you're in S-T-E-M, science, technology, engineering, mathematics.

01:19:32.000 By all means.

01:19:33.000 Definitely go. 0.99

01:19:35.000 But what the fuck? 0.99

01:19:38.000 Speech pathology? 1.00

01:19:40.000 No.

01:19:42.000 My degree, I have a bachelor in English literature.

01:19:47.000 So you want to talk about Jane Austen and Charles Dickens?

01:19:50.000 By all means. 0.98

01:19:52.000 I might remember, I don't know, an hour of the bullshit that I was taught? 0.99

01:19:57.000 Probably not. 0.99

01:19:59.000 Waste of time. 1.00

01:20:00.000 Total waste of fucking time. 1.00

01:20:03.000 And this is back in Canada where the tuition was like four grand a year. 1.00

01:20:12.000 NYU, it's 60 grand a year.

01:20:16.000 It's a joke.

01:20:18.000 It's a joke.

01:20:19.000 You're wasting so much money.

01:20:21.000 You're going to make Motley Crew look like Casey in the Sunshine banter, right, babe?

01:20:27.000 We have another call.

01:20:30.000 Bernie, 95, 925.

01:20:34.000 Go ahead, Bernie.

01:20:35.000 Babe.

01:20:37.000 What's up, guys?

01:20:38.000 Hey, man.

01:20:40.000 I got a quick. 0.97

01:20:41.000 I called in when Gab made the comment about shutting down Maddie's shitty little kitchen. 0.99

01:20:45.000 I'm telling you, made a good date night for me and my wife pan-frying some steaks and getting the river-eyes going. 0.96

01:20:52.000 Probably. 0.97

01:20:52.000 Yeah, Maddie's shitty little kitchen is done. 0.97

01:20:55.000 I don't like it. 0.98

01:20:56.000 It's canceled. 0.99

01:20:58.000 Damn. 1.00

01:20:58.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:20:59.000 One episode done.

01:21:01.000 Maddie.

01:21:03.000 The fans don't like Maddie. 1.00

01:21:06.000 They find him abrasive.

01:21:09.000 It's not happening.

01:21:11.000 It's not working out.

01:21:12.000 I want to start a show called Gazzlow Kitchen.

01:21:17.000 Me, I do like grilled cheeses.

01:21:21.000 Dude, you're like stealing his... 1.00

01:21:23.000 You're stealing the guy's fucking idea, dude. 1.00

01:21:24.000 I think you guys fucked it on the corner beef. 1.00

01:21:26.000 I think you could have put a show together for that. 0.99

01:21:28.000 Maddie and I got a bunch in common.

01:21:30.000 I did like 15 hours in County.

01:21:32.000 Oh, yeah, 15 hours.

01:21:33.000 15 hours.

01:21:34.000 Nothing.

01:21:35.000 I did four hours. 0.94

01:21:37.000 Dude, I had to watch Green Mile, and like 90% of the people in there were black. 0.93

01:21:41.000 That was a rough, rough crowd. 0.52

01:21:42.000 That's true.

01:21:45.000 What did you do 15 hours for, sir?

01:21:49.000 So I got a domestic with my ex-girlfriend.

01:21:54.000 She was drinking some scotch.

01:21:56.000 Told her to get out of here. 0.87

01:21:57.000 She sounded guilty.

01:21:58.000 Got mad.

01:22:00.000 Threw the glass down on the ground.

01:22:02.000 Left, went to go get some money out of the bank.

01:22:04.000 And by the time I came back, she called the cops.

01:22:07.000 So we had a couple cops there.

01:22:08.000 They knew I didn't do anything to her, but are you still with her today?

01:22:13.000 Negative.

01:22:14.000 Good.

01:22:14.000 It's a negative.

01:22:16.000 No, she's a psycho bitch. 1.00

01:22:18.000 That's not worth fake domestics. 1.00

01:22:20.000 I've been down that road.

01:22:22.000 All right, thanks for calling.

01:22:23.000 Ladies and gentlemen, Bill Burr is here.

01:22:26.000 Yeah, dude, you can't take Maddie's show. 1.00

01:22:29.000 You know, that's his fucking show. 0.99

01:22:31.000 No, it's done. 0.99

01:22:33.000 But you just said you wanted to do Gav's kitchen.

01:22:35.000 I want to do my show. 1.00

01:22:37.000 Yeah, dude, you're just stealing his fucking show, dude. 0.99

01:22:40.000 So what? 1.00

01:22:40.000 I own the network. 1.00

01:22:43.000 I want to cancel Maddie's little kitchen. 1.00

01:22:46.000 And I'm going to make like fucking spaghetti. 1.00

01:22:49.000 You don't even know how to cook. 1.00

01:22:50.000 I will learn.

01:22:51.000 I'll Google it before the show.

01:22:53.000 No, dude, you don't even have recipes. 1.00

01:22:55.000 And you're stealing this fucking guy's show. 1.00

01:22:58.000 Look at this fucking guy. 1.00

01:22:59.000 This guy could cook. 1.00

01:23:01.000 And you're just like, oh, I'm going to make a grilled cheese.

01:23:03.000 Oh, I'm going to make a grilled cheese.

01:23:05.000 Dude, you're not going to do it.

01:23:07.000 You're going to say you're going to do it. 1.00

01:23:08.000 You're going to make like the fucking banner and the little fucking icon and have a fucking intro. 1.00

01:23:13.000 Make the Asian kid do an intro? 1.00

01:23:15.000 Yeah, probably.

01:23:17.000 Yeah, do it.

01:23:17.000 And you're not even going to do a show.

01:23:19.000 You're not going to cook.

01:23:20.000 Watch. 1.00

01:23:22.000 And then this fucking guy's out on his ass for no reason. 1.00

01:23:25.000 It's fucking brutal. 1.00

01:23:30.000 Well, but there's something about fucking blackjacks that gives you an obstramus view of the future. 1.00

01:23:42.000 Gotta be. 0.99

01:23:43.000 I was wrong.

01:23:45.000 Wow. 0.98

01:23:46.000 Maddie's shitty little kitchen is back. 1.00

01:23:48.000 Yes, we got him. 0.98

01:23:50.000 We're back.

01:23:51.000 Canceled and back.

01:23:53.000 Thanks, Bill.

01:23:54.000 Dude, no problem. 0.97

01:23:55.000 It's like, dude, he was going to make MREs or like some like, you know, like fucking just put water in it. 0.98

01:24:00.000 Oh, today I'm making tea. 0.98

01:24:02.000 No, you're not.

01:24:04.000 If it wasn't for Bill Burr, I would have canceled the show.

01:24:07.000 If I hear a celebrity make a case, I'm biased.

01:24:13.000 And I say it like, let's say.

01:24:16.000 Because the celebrity word, celebrities are better than real people.

01:24:21.000 Celebrities are better than real people.

01:24:23.000 307, you're on the line.

01:24:26.000 Hey, how's it going, guys?

01:24:27.000 What's going on?

01:24:29.000 Hey, I was the first caller. 1.00

01:24:31.000 I was calling back to demand my free shit. 0.99

01:24:33.000 Yeah, the first two callers. 1.00

01:24:34.000 Oh, for free.

01:24:36.000 Right on.

01:24:37.000 hey, I'm also in the market for a suit.

01:24:39.000 I'm out in Wyoming.

01:24:41.000 And I was thinking about Nika Fashions, but I'll tell you, I ordered some censored TV t-shirts two weeks ago coming out of Vegas, and they're not to Wyoming yet.

01:24:52.000 So thinking about Nita Fashions in Hong Kong, how long is that going to take?

01:24:57.000 I don't know if it's the booze talking, but I hereby am going to pay for you to get a custom suit from Nita Fashion. 0.98

01:25:06.000 Damn. 0.99

01:25:08.000 No way. 1.00

01:25:09.000 Yes, sir.

01:25:09.000 No.

01:25:10.000 So email me gavin at censored.tv.

01:25:14.000 I am going to make sure you get a custom suit. 0.99

01:25:18.000 It could be fucking blue, brown, corduroy. 0.99

01:25:23.000 It's going to be your suit, dude. 1.00

01:25:25.000 Damn. 1.00

01:25:27.000 Thank you. 0.99

01:25:27.000 Thank you, Gavin. 0.99

01:25:28.000 You are my hero, dude.

01:25:30.000 I've been listening a long time.

01:25:32.000 I'm turning 40 this year, and that means a lot to me, buddy.

01:25:35.000 Do you have kids?

01:25:39.000 Yeah, but they're not mine.

01:25:42.000 Okay.

01:25:43.000 How old's your wife? 0.60

01:25:46.000 She is a year younger than me, so she's 39.

01:25:50.000 She'll be 40 next year. 0.97

01:25:52.000 Okay.

01:25:53.000 Can you make your own kids with her?

01:25:57.000 Well, she has three of her own and is, you know, fixed. 0.87

01:26:04.000 She's too fat to have kids. 1.00

01:26:06.000 She's spaded. 1.00

01:26:06.000 She's fat. 1.00

01:26:07.000 Spade. 0.99

01:26:09.000 Yeah, she's got her cubes tied. 1.00

01:26:12.000 I know I'm not too old to do it, and it's something I'm going to do very soon, I think.

01:26:17.000 All right, well, thanks for calling.

01:26:18.000 You're getting a suit.

01:26:20.000 Congratulations.

01:26:21.000 I love you, man.

01:26:22.000 Cut her locks. 1.00

01:26:24.000 Fucking A fuck. 1.00

01:26:27.000 Now we got... 1.00

01:26:28.000 Oh, he left.

01:26:29.000 904 on the line.

01:26:31.000 Well, you got Maddie.

01:26:33.000 Go for it.

01:26:34.000 What's going on, 904?

01:26:37.000 What's up, dudes?

01:26:38.000 What's happening? 1.00

01:26:41.000 Where's the drunk asshole at? 1.00

01:26:43.000 He just ran to the bathroom. 1.00

01:26:47.000 Of course.

01:26:49.000 And I don't really get it. 0.99

01:26:54.000 Why is he always talking about being a Catholic, but he doesn't really give a shit about learning anything? 0.98

01:27:02.000 Well, I don't either. 0.98

01:27:07.000 What do you think about that?

01:27:09.000 Hey, Dinesh.

01:27:10.000 Hey.

01:27:11.000 Well, I think everybody has a different path to Christ or God or whatever you believe in.

01:27:18.000 And, you know, sometimes, you know, like a lot of Catholics, for instance, they tell me to join the Catholic Church.

01:27:25.000 And, you know, I see them, you know, sinning or, you know, there's flaws in the way that they go about life.

01:27:32.000 Not very Catholic, but it's okay because you can't judge the shortcomings of people as long as they are believing in Christ and they are, you know, a faithful person.

01:27:44.000 It's a good start.

01:27:46.000 And you can't judge them by their shortcomings.

01:27:49.000 We are all sinners. 0.87

01:27:50.000 We are all toads. 0.85

01:27:52.000 Well, yeah, I mean...

01:27:54.000 Yeah, but Gavin acts like he would be a Hindu if Hinduism was huge in New York City.

01:28:03.000 Well, I don't know.

01:28:04.000 You've got a major in the majors, a minor in the minors.

01:28:07.000 Like, yes, Christ is the center of everything, but he's...

01:28:13.000 I don't know nothing.

01:28:14.000 Deanette Sousa is here.

01:28:16.000 Yes.

01:28:16.000 How are you?

01:28:17.000 Right now he's talking about your relationship with Christ and the Catholic Church and how you're not a good Catholic and things like that. 0.98

01:28:25.000 And I'm telling him that, you know, sometimes you feel like you're a toad. 0.98

01:28:31.000 Or not. 0.86

01:28:32.000 I don't know.

01:28:33.000 Getting like a note. 0.93

01:28:34.000 Sometimes you feel like you're a toad. 0.69

01:28:37.000 Toad. 0.99

01:28:38.000 Crazy, Dinesh. 0.91

01:28:40.000 All right, thanks for calling. 0.95

01:28:41.000 Flapping around like a d-toad. 1.00

01:28:43.000 All right, thanks, Maddie.

01:28:44.000 Yep.

01:28:46.000 Ooh, just thanks, Maddie.

01:28:48.000 It's kind of a burn.

01:28:51.000 Somebody with a $100 super chat.

01:28:54.000 Gavin, do you ever feel you created an irreverent, amoral, substantially ironic, iconoclastic media empire that accelerated the collapse of journalism in the West by at least a decade?

01:29:11.000 Thank you for your comment that's going to Joe Biggs is lawyer trial.

01:29:19.000 Yeah, I did do that.

01:29:22.000 But what I've been doing to correct it ever since is trying to promote the family and saying, yes, irreverence is important.

01:29:34.000 Let's be rebels.

01:29:35.000 Let's be hipsters.

01:29:36.000 But don't not get married.

01:29:39.000 Don't not make babies. 1.00

01:29:42.000 So, yeah, I fucked up, I guess, with vice. 0.99

01:29:45.000 And I did do a lot of bad stuff. 0.98

01:29:49.000 I did promote a level of atheism and anti-family culture.

01:29:56.000 And then I met my wife, who was my girlfriend, and she was like some random party squaw. 1.00

01:30:04.000 And she was like, if we get married, will you want to have kids?

01:30:07.000 And I said, no, I don't want kids.

01:30:10.000 Which is what my dad said when he met my mom.

01:30:15.000 And my mom was right, and my wife was right.

01:30:21.000 So ever since, I've been fanatically trying to encourage marriage and babies.

01:30:31.000 Please get married.

01:30:33.000 Please make babies.

01:30:35.000 Please.

01:30:38.000 Somebody wants Maddie to do the war drop. 1.00

01:30:43.000 So you would just mouth war.

01:30:46.000 So let's...

01:30:46.000 You want to try it out?

01:30:48.000 Okay.

01:30:52.000 War. 1.00

01:30:53.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

01:30:54.000 I miss it, right? 1.00

01:30:54.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:30:55.000 All right.

01:30:59.000 War.

01:31:01.000 Close.

01:31:02.000 War.

01:31:02.000 It's hard, dude.

01:31:04.000 We are ready.

01:31:05.000 War.

01:31:06.000 War.

01:31:08.000 You know what I was thinking today as I brushed my teeth this morning?

01:31:11.000 What was it?

01:31:12.000 Is it possible that Breitbart would have less of an influence on society if he was alive today?

01:31:22.000 Hmm.

01:31:23.000 Like, his impact is overwhelming post-death.

01:31:28.000 What if he was running around, showing up on like Kennedy on FBN, appearing on podcasts?

01:31:39.000 I don't know.

01:31:40.000 Would he have the same impact?

01:31:42.000 Yeah.

01:31:44.000 Dead people are more iconic. 1.00

01:31:47.000 Then I should kill you. 1.00

01:31:49.000 I don't want to be iconic. 0.99

01:31:50.000 Thank you.

01:31:50.000 But I do appreciate it.

01:31:52.000 No.

01:31:53.000 No, no.

01:31:55.000 I don't want to be iconic.

01:31:56.000 Tonight.

01:31:56.000 No, no.

01:31:58.000 No, not tonight, please.

01:32:00.000 Why don't you think about it for a while?

01:32:01.000 Because it's a big move.

01:32:03.000 I mean, plus, I have a daughter.

01:32:07.000 You know, she needs me.

01:32:08.000 Otherwise, she's going to wind up like... 1.00

01:32:10.000 I was talking to Conor McGregor's striking coach, John Kavanaugh, yesterday.

01:32:14.000 And I said, I was sparring in the morning, and I beat up a cop. 1.00

01:32:20.000 And all cops are bastards. 1.00

01:32:23.000 And I felt great. 1.00

01:32:24.000 And I was strutting around. 1.00

01:32:26.000 I did my show with Anthony, and I was like, fuck you, world. 1.00

01:32:30.000 And I was like, sparring is great. 1.00

01:32:31.000 You have to do it.

01:32:32.000 And then I did it today. 1.00

01:32:34.000 And I had my ass handed to me, and I was severely abused. 1.00

01:32:39.000 Hurt. 1.00

01:32:41.000 And I got to say, walking down the street, didn't feel like strutting.

01:32:47.000 Felt like a mouse.

01:32:48.000 It's humbling.

01:32:49.000 Felt pretty bad.

01:32:51.000 And right now, my nose is tender.

01:32:56.000 Like, this is all tender.

01:32:59.000 I don't feel very good.

01:33:02.000 Don't spar, folks.

01:33:04.000 Sounds like your nose was tender and somebody swiped right on it pretty high.

01:33:08.000 And I showed up late, assuming that they would be on like round 15.

01:33:14.000 And I got to the gym and I go, where is everyone?

01:33:17.000 They go, they knew you were going to show up late, so they showed up late.

01:33:24.000 You foiled your plans. 1.00

01:33:25.000 Foiled my plans, and they punched me in the face super fucking hard. 1.00

01:33:32.000 Like in the chin and the nose and in the head. 0.99

01:33:36.000 Those are bad places to be.

01:33:38.000 I don't like sparring.

01:33:40.000 I hate it.

01:33:41.000 It's tatable, huh?

01:33:42.000 It hurts my head.

01:33:45.000 Like imagine tonight if Maddie was like, good show and everything, and then he just punched me in the nose. 1.00

01:33:51.000 Bam. 1.00

01:33:52.000 We'd go like, what the fuck? 1.00

01:33:53.000 Like, it'd be a major deal. 1.00

01:33:56.000 Yeah.

01:33:56.000 It'd be a major ordeal.

01:33:58.000 What the fuck? 1.00

01:33:59.000 Why does Maddie hate Gavin? 1.00

01:34:00.000 What's going on?

01:34:02.000 Why did he do that?

01:34:03.000 He can't come in the studio ever again.

01:34:05.000 No. 1.00

01:34:06.000 No, he's a psycho. 1.00

01:34:07.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:34:07.000 He punches people. 1.00

01:34:09.000 The show wasn't.

01:34:10.000 Oh, my God.

01:34:10.000 That would be like the craziest.

01:34:12.000 He shouldn't be allowed in the Bronx.

01:34:15.000 An unprovoked attack. 1.00

01:34:16.000 He's a psycho. 1.00

01:34:17.000 He punches people. 1.00

01:34:19.000 Psycho. 0.53

01:34:20.000 And that's one second of sparring. 0.99

01:34:23.000 I hate it.

01:34:25.000 I want it banned.

01:34:31.000 Just to cap that off of the fart.

01:34:33.000 We have 479 on the line.

01:34:35.000 479.

01:34:36.000 Go ahead.

01:34:38.000 What's up?

01:34:39.000 What's happening?

01:34:40.000 What up?

01:34:41.000 So I have been on the phone so long that I was whooped.

01:34:46.000 I don't know.

01:34:46.000 Four guys in horseshoes.

01:34:48.000 Got a little drunk. 1.00

01:34:50.000 Forgot what the fuck I called for. 0.99

01:34:52.000 Well, bye. 0.99

01:34:53.000 I'm just kidding.

01:34:54.000 I'm going to talk about Bryce Mitchell.

01:34:55.000 Do you guys know who that is?

01:34:57.000 UFC fighter.

01:34:59.000 Is he based?

01:35:02.000 His name is Bryce Mitchell.

01:35:04.000 He's from Sierra, Arkansas.

01:35:07.000 I don't know.

01:35:09.000 Think about him.

01:35:10.000 He's very open about his political views and what he thinks is going on in the world and everything.

01:35:17.000 And he had like a $90,000 purse.

01:35:21.000 It was the biggest one he was.

01:35:22.000 Yeah, that's the guy that was on UFC the other day.

01:35:26.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:35:26.000 He was on Tucker.

01:35:28.000 He said, if you come to my neighborhood, I want to fight. 0.99

01:35:31.000 But otherwise, I don't give a shit about you. 0.99

01:35:33.000 Yeah, yeah. 0.99

01:35:34.000 Great guy.

01:35:36.000 Perfect definition of how we all feel. 0.98

01:35:39.000 So I think I was calling in to talk you into Arkansas if you ever moved, but now that I hear some of the fuck-ups that have called into the show tonight, we have like cottonmouth water moccasins. 0.99

01:35:51.000 We have fucking ticks. 0.99

01:35:53.000 You don't want to be down here. 1.00

01:35:54.000 Alligators, you know.

01:35:57.000 Like critters and creatures.

01:35:59.000 Okay, thanks for the heads up, buddy.

01:36:01.000 Thanks for calling.

01:36:03.000 By the way, St. Patrick's, whose day it is today, he removed all the snakes and banished them from Ireland.

01:36:09.000 No more snakes.

01:36:11.000 No more snakes.

01:36:14.000 He had a staff.

01:36:15.000 Yep.

01:36:17.000 Later snakes.

01:36:19.000 I haven't seen anybody express it better than you did.

01:36:22.000 Why did you say that?

01:36:26.000 Well, thank you so much for having me, brother.

01:36:28.000 And I said that because that's the first thing that I thought when he asked me, and I was trying to give him the best answer that I could.

01:36:33.000 And that's just my opinion and thoughts on the subject.

01:36:36.000 I was going to say, I know Tucker Carlson.

01:36:38.000 We speak regularly. 0.99

01:36:40.000 And I spoke to him about Ukraine, and I was like, I don't give a fuck about any of this. 0.97

01:36:46.000 I'm not remotely concerned. 0.96

01:36:49.000 And he goes, I'm very scared.

01:36:51.000 This is real.

01:36:54.000 And Jim Goad, too. 0.99

01:36:56.000 I talked to Jim and I was like, who fucking cares? 1.00

01:36:59.000 This is bullshit. 1.00

01:37:00.000 And Jim goes, I'm very scared. 1.00

01:37:03.000 We could all die.

01:37:05.000 And I went, personally, in my spine, I feel zero fear. 1.00

01:37:12.000 This is all gay. 1.00

01:37:13.000 But I talked to smart guys like Tucker and Jim, and I go, hmm, you guys seem scared. 0.90

01:37:21.000 That's valid.

01:37:23.000 Would you rather join Orange Theory Gym or become a cross? 0.96

01:37:28.000 I don't know what that means.

01:37:30.000 It's like a pushy girl gym. 1.00

01:37:32.000 Okay, now, who cares? 0.99

01:37:33.000 That's a gay question. 0.94

01:37:35.000 I'm officially moving out of state with the family.

01:37:37.000 Do you have any advice on how to make new friends?

01:37:40.000 I want to be gay.

01:37:42.000 Yeah, I do have advice on making new friends. 0.99

01:37:45.000 I've lived in a million new places, from fucking Taiwan to Quebec to New York City. 0.97

01:37:56.000 This is what you do. 1.00

01:37:58.000 When you arrive at a new place, shut your mouth. 0.52

01:38:02.000 It's not about you. 0.96

01:38:03.000 Ryan is the worst person for this.

01:38:06.000 He talks about himself.

01:38:07.000 He mentions like, when I was seven, I used to eat licorice. 0.99

01:38:11.000 Shut up. 0.99

01:38:12.000 Don't talk about yourself. 1.00

01:38:15.000 Ask people about themselves and get to know what they're about.

01:38:22.000 The worst thing you can do when you're ingratiating yourself with a new group is to talk about yourself.

01:38:30.000 Sit there, take it all in, be silent.

01:38:33.000 If no one asks you anything, be silent.

01:38:37.000 And then eventually, if they start asking you about your life or whatever, do like generalizations.

01:38:45.000 Maybe people who got beat up by their big brother tend to sign up for the military.

01:38:50.000 I don't know.

01:38:51.000 Like patterns that eventually get into who you are. 1.00

01:38:58.000 And that goes for getting pussy too. 1.00

01:39:00.000 Don't talk about yourself all the time. 1.00

01:39:03.000 Let them talk.

01:39:04.000 Let everyone else do the talking.

01:39:07.000 The worst thing, this guy, Ryan, I hang out with him, we go traveling. 0.99

01:39:12.000 He like will tell the person at the airport about his mother's vagina and say that it's flaky because she put too much yogurt on it. 0.99

01:39:22.000 It's just an example. 0.99

01:39:24.000 Like don't talk about your life.

01:39:28.000 Talk about their lives.

01:39:30.000 And this is why Trump is so endearing because he gets into what you're about.

01:39:35.000 Oh, what's going on with your daughter now?

01:39:37.000 She's going to Harvard.

01:39:38.000 That's exciting.

01:39:39.000 That's a big school.

01:39:42.000 Be that guy.

01:39:43.000 Be Trump. 1.00

01:39:45.000 And if you want to get pussy, my number one piece of advice is be Bill Murray in stripes when he's putting the spatula under the chick who's sitting on the fucking kitchen counter or the grill. 1.00

01:40:01.000 He's the thing. 1.00

01:40:03.000 That's who you want to be.

01:40:04.000 If you want to get laid, be a Bill Murray. 1.00

01:40:07.000 Talking, laughing, fucking. 1.00

01:40:09.000 That would totally turn me on 100%. 1.00

01:40:13.000 That's my HeliClan impression.

01:40:15.000 Thank you, sir.

01:40:17.000 Super chat.

01:40:17.000 Here's 50 bucks for anything other than college fun.

01:40:20.000 Even for STEM, you can learn more in a hackerspace or just researching.

01:40:27.000 Yeah, that's a good point. 0.99

01:40:30.000 Even STEM, like just volunteer at a fucking biochem lab. 0.99

01:40:38.000 This caller's been on for a while. 0.99

01:40:39.000 He's been waiting for about five minutes.

01:40:41.000 Hey, can I get a can Dimitri?

01:40:45.000 Dimitri from Grandma.

01:40:48.000 847.

01:40:49.000 You're on the line.

01:40:53.000 I might want to say hi.

01:40:54.000 Hello?

01:40:55.000 Hello?

01:40:55.000 What's going on?

01:40:57.000 Yo, first of all, Ryan, you got to fix this fucking phone call system. 0.99

01:41:02.000 You sound like you're 50 feet away. 0.99

01:41:04.000 I can barely fucking hear you. 0.99

01:41:06.000 We don't care about Ryan, though. 0.99

01:41:07.000 We don't want him to be local.

01:41:11.000 By the way, we got a call here.

01:41:13.000 Maddie's Kitchen is amazing.

01:41:15.000 Wait till you see the next Maddie's Kitchen. 0.89

01:41:17.000 It's prison food.

01:41:22.000 I didn't see the first one. 0.99

01:41:23.000 Why the fuck would I watch the second one? 1.00

01:41:25.000 Well, you're an idiot. 1.00

01:41:27.000 Second. 1.00

01:41:27.000 It's like, I've never been to Turkey. 1.00

01:41:29.000 Why would I go to Greece?

01:41:31.000 You're totally off about college.

01:41:34.000 If you want to have skills and demonstrate yourself to a business, you got to go to college, get a degree. 0.96

01:41:40.000 It's not that fucking hard. 1.00

01:41:43.000 Fuck. 1.00

01:41:43.000 I mean, anybody can be. 1.00

01:41:44.000 What are your skills, sir?

01:41:48.000 I'm about to graduate.

01:41:49.000 I'm getting an aerospace engineering degree.

01:41:51.000 Okay, that's different.

01:41:53.000 We already said, like, that's the E in STEM.

01:41:56.000 So obviously engineering is self-defense. 1.00

01:41:58.000 I thought you could just get that shit from Google. 0.99

01:42:00.000 That's what you just said. 1.00

01:42:02.000 No, not engineering. 0.99

01:42:03.000 No one's saying that you can learn how to repair a fucking helicopter from Google. 0.99

01:42:09.000 Although maybe I am. 0.99

01:42:11.000 You can learn anything on Google. 0.99

01:42:15.000 But yes, goes gay. 0.99

01:42:16.000 Goodbye. 0.99

01:42:16.000 Thanks for calling. 0.99

01:42:17.000 Gatman, my buddy and I have been on the origin of Uhuru.

01:42:20.000 I found a member of this from a black activist guy. 0.96

01:42:23.000 Yes, Uhuru comes from Gazi Kadzo, and he was brainwashing retarded whites into defending reparations. 1.00

01:42:37.000 And not only were they saying, we need to do reparations, not only were they screaming, Uhuru, but they were speaking in Ebonics. 0.75

01:42:46.000 And we thought it was funny.

01:42:49.000 So Proud Boys go like this, mocking an inside joke.

01:42:56.000 It's actually a comedy thing.

01:42:58.000 It's like chicken cross the road. 0.99

01:43:01.000 So it's amazing how many of these fucking critics cite this club as evil and racist and whatever, when so much of their fucking things are based on you need a bump of cocaine right now. 0.99

01:43:18.000 Okay, let's see what. 1.00

01:43:19.000 A drunken bite of pizza.

01:43:25.000 Green triangle.

01:43:26.000 Yeah, he's a guy who has a, he's got a picture of you eating a drunken slice of pizza as his icon.

01:43:34.000 You're a beta.

01:43:36.000 Beta.

01:43:38.000 Amazing.

01:43:39.000 Oh, there's a caller online.

01:43:43.000 Hello?

01:43:44.000 Hello, Carla.

01:43:45.000 What's your name?

01:43:46.000 Where do you want?

01:43:46.000 We had someone call.

01:43:47.000 Hey, Gavin, you're 100% right about college. 1.00

01:43:49.000 It's fucking bullshit. 1.00

01:43:50.000 I'm a young business owner. 1.00

01:43:52.000 It's bullshit. 0.99

01:43:53.000 Skip all that. 1.00

01:43:54.000 These fucking kids have been brainwashed. 1.00

01:43:57.000 I'm a thousand years ahead of everyone my age because I own a small business. 1.00

01:44:00.000 How old are you?

01:44:03.000 22.

01:44:04.000 And what's your business?

01:44:07.000 We do infrastructure repair. 0.99

01:44:11.000 Like bridges and shit? 0.99

01:44:14.000 Sewer infrastructure repair. 0.99

01:44:16.000 Fantastic.

01:44:19.000 Another thing, the reason I called was something that I haven't seen you talk about is how cities are requiring 10 to 20 percent, if not higher, of these infrastructure bills to be going to fair share or disadvantaged businesses, which is minority work.

01:44:36.000 I live in a tiny city, 56% black. 0.61

01:44:39.000 We spend over $500 million, and they want businesses that have done $10 million to 10X in a fucking year instead of outsourcing it. 0.99

01:44:48.000 10X? 1.00

01:44:49.000 Because it's mandatory to be 20% black. 1.00

01:44:53.000 Amazing. 0.99

01:44:54.000 Do you hate white people? 0.99

01:44:58.000 Dude, I can't hear, Ryan. 0.99

01:45:00.000 Do you love white people?

01:45:03.000 Do I love white people?

01:45:04.000 Absolutely.

01:45:05.000 Amazing.

01:45:09.000 Yeah, you should look into the federal government, they're getting over a trillion dollars in infrastructure work to be done.

01:45:15.000 20% of that's going to have to go to black business. 1.00

01:45:18.000 They're printing money for these fucking people. 1.00

01:45:20.000 It's not just black people, it's also women-owned. 1.00

01:45:22.000 They're printing money for them. 1.00

01:45:23.000 And you'd be stupid not to be a veteran, black, or woman, and not make a fucking fortune in the next 10 years. 1.00

01:45:31.000 All right, thanks for calling. 1.00

01:45:32.000 Jesse, I feel like you're not sophisticated enough to understand what the fuck was just going on. 0.98

01:45:38.000 What are you doing? 0.98

01:45:39.000 No, he's talking about they make bridges, right?

01:45:44.000 Out of pipes.

01:45:46.000 You weren't even listening to his call.

01:45:49.000 I was.

01:45:51.000 He said black, and he said women, too, so they have equal opportunities, but what they didn't do is they didn't forget that mother. 0.98

01:45:59.000 This is what I just discovered.

01:46:00.000 It's not on the show, by the way.

01:46:02.000 So who is the black chick that was just voted into the Supreme Court because Biden thought she's black? 1.00

01:46:12.000 Black. 0.93

01:46:13.000 Jackson is her name.

01:46:14.000 Brown.

01:46:16.000 So Biden goes, I'm going to get a black woman to be in the Supreme Court. 1.00

01:46:27.000 The disturbing thing about that is it's fucking affirmative action. 1.00

01:46:31.000 And as we were discussing yesterday on Anthony's show, these fucking affirmative action hires like the fucking dude who was starting fires so he could be the first guy at the fire. 0.99

01:46:43.000 And he made $380,000 a year as the best fireman in the world because he was at the fire first. 0.99

01:46:52.000 And this cunt Jackson is the same Bill. 1.00

01:46:56.000 What's her name? 1.00

01:46:58.000 Ken Dodger Brown Jackson.

01:47:00.000 I hate that.

01:47:01.000 There's always three names, by the way.

01:47:03.000 Yeah, they got a lot of names.

01:47:05.000 And she has consistently voted for pedophiles to be forgiven.

01:47:13.000 Hold on a sec.

01:47:14.000 Let me pull this up here.

01:47:19.000 Yeah.

01:47:21.000 That's crazy.

01:47:22.000 Often when there's someone with kiddie porn, the minimum sentence is like 60 months a year, 60 months forever.

01:47:33.000 But she has regularly voted down the lowest sentence for pedophiles.

01:47:42.000 Wow. 1.00

01:47:43.000 I think she might have been fucked as a kid or something. 1.00

01:47:47.000 Maybe they're setting up an easy way for Hunt to buy and to get away with what he did. 0.99

01:47:54.000 So that way, if it goes to Supreme Court, she's going to give him like, you know, less time.

01:48:00.000 Even the New York Times admission laptop tapping.

01:48:04.000 You heard about that, right?

01:48:05.000 I know.

01:48:06.000 Yeah, I think it was New York Times.

01:48:10.000 Okay, here I have it.

01:48:11.000 This guy, Josh Hawley looked it up.

01:48:16.000 I've been researching the record of Judge Katanji Brown Jackson, reading her opinions, articles, interviews, and speeches.

01:48:23.000 I've noticed an alarming pattern when it comes to Judge Jackson's treatment of sex offenders, especially those preying on children.

01:48:33.000 So Josh Hawley, who's on Twitter as Hawley MO, lists his research after that. 0.99

01:48:42.000 And it's fucking alarming, dude. 0.99

01:48:46.000 It's like pedophile after pedophile. 0.99

01:48:49.000 And every time you find these pedophiles, by the way, they don't have like four pictures on their hard drive.

01:48:54.000 They have like four terabytes.

01:48:58.000 And she always goes down to 60 months when it's suggested that it should be, you know, 70, 80 months. 0.98

01:49:07.000 And this is the bitch who's replacing the liberal who retired. 1.00

01:49:14.000 And I said on Getter, I go, this is good news. 0.99

01:49:17.000 Because the previous guy was somewhat moderate.

01:49:22.000 And he would pull Kavanaugh and more moderates over to the left.

01:49:28.000 But she's such a freak that she won't. 0.98

01:49:33.000 And now I'm realizing, yeah, I understated my argument.

01:49:37.000 No one is going near her. 1.00

01:49:39.000 She's a fucking pedophile. 1.00

01:49:44.000 This woman has pardoned a million pedophiles and said, all right. 1.00

01:49:53.000 And Job, like, I knew there was judges that were corrupt like this, but Joe Biden was like, I need a black woman. 1.00

01:50:01.000 Who do you got? 0.96

01:50:03.000 And they found her.

01:50:05.000 Okay.

01:50:07.000 Let's do it.

01:50:08.000 That's crazy.

01:50:08.000 Don't look up her record.

01:50:10.000 Yeah, that's crazy. 0.98

01:50:16.000 I need a Democrat black woman. 1.00

01:50:19.000 Now, my problem with affirmative action is that's like saying, I need a left-handed albino security guard. 0.90

01:50:29.000 Well, we Have people who can protect you, Gavin, but we don't have any left-handed albinos.

01:50:36.000 Well, find one.

01:50:39.000 We have one in Brazil who's not that good at fighting. 0.99

01:50:43.000 Okay, I want that one.

01:50:45.000 So they fly in the Brazilian right-handed bodyguard who's an albino.

01:50:52.000 Gets the job.

01:50:54.000 She can't help me. 1.00

01:50:55.000 She's a retard. 1.00

01:50:57.000 That's crazy. 1.00

01:50:59.000 Speaking of retards, we got somebody on the line here. 1.00

01:51:00.000 301.

01:51:03.000 Go ahead.

01:51:04.000 301.

01:51:05.000 What's up, Beavis and Butthead and the magnificent Maddie O'Dell?

01:51:09.000 What's happening?

01:51:10.000 Whoa, whoa, whoa.

01:51:11.000 Why do Ryan and I get negative terms and why does Maddie get a cool term? 0.93

01:51:18.000 Well, considering he was in one of the most notorious organizations known in American history, I owe him in a much more class of respect than both of you.

01:51:31.000 Not that I don't respect you and Ryan.

01:51:32.000 I definitely respect both of you. 1.00

01:51:34.000 I watch every fucking show. 0.99

01:51:36.000 I'm just scared of Maddie. 1.00

01:51:39.000 Through the phone, even.

01:51:40.000 I am too.

01:51:41.000 It's all good.

01:51:42.000 Love it.

01:51:43.000 Thank you.

01:51:43.000 Appreciate it.

01:51:44.000 Anyway, so my reason for calling is I completely agree with Gavin's opinion on the drug war.

01:51:54.000 My very short service in the Navy proves that the Navy has their priorities completely out of whack, in my opinion.

01:52:04.000 This is completely my opinion.

01:52:06.000 They're sending ships all over the world to seize drugs from the cartel.

01:52:14.000 And the amount of money that I think they're spending in man hours and ordnance and everything doesn't even compare to how much we're seizing in the drugs, you know.

01:52:25.000 Amazing.

01:52:27.000 Amazing.

01:52:30.000 AKA, we weren't listening.

01:52:31.000 They should just make them all illegal.

01:52:33.000 Okay, so let's fix that.

01:52:34.000 Anyway, thanks for calling.

01:52:37.000 So we only have like 10 minutes left.

01:52:41.000 Let's do all Collins.

01:52:44.000 I mean, you know.

01:52:45.000 Pay attention.

01:52:46.000 Live streams.

01:52:47.000 Okay.

01:52:48.000 Gavi, you're met John Bloom, aka Joe Biggs.

01:52:53.000 Have I ever met Joe Biggs?

01:52:55.000 Joe Bob Briggs.

01:52:58.000 Oh, that guy.

01:52:59.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:53:00.000 Joe Bob Briggs.

01:53:01.000 No, he's a great writer, though.

01:53:02.000 I never met him.

01:53:03.000 Next. 1.00

01:53:05.000 Fucking... 1.00

01:53:08.000 Teaser for fags and children. 1.00

01:53:10.000 Please make sweatshirts. 0.99

01:53:12.000 Okay, we're on it.

01:53:13.000 We got a lot.

01:53:15.000 You're not going to believe this, but you know how we said we're making a shirt that says, I don't break for queefs? 1.00

01:53:21.000 Yeah.

01:53:21.000 How do you remember that?

01:53:22.000 I've been working with this Mexican dude who's a very talented cartoonist.

01:53:29.000 And I swear to God, we have been working for months creating the perfect shirt that says, I don't break for quefs. 0.98

01:53:39.000 Right.

01:53:41.000 No, it says, I don't break.

01:53:44.000 Then there's a monster truck.

01:53:46.000 There's one of us, a baby monster. 1.00

01:53:48.000 There's a chick with her tits out, the passenger seat. 1.00

01:53:51.000 And then it says, four queefs. 0.99

01:53:54.000 Dude, we have been back and forth for months.

01:53:58.000 And I keep apologizing to him going, because he made a baby monster shirt that it's perfect.

01:54:04.000 He showed the baby monster.

01:54:06.000 I sent it to you.

01:54:07.000 I'm like, you got it.

01:54:08.000 You nailed it.

01:54:08.000 That's awesome.

01:54:09.000 Thank you so much.

01:54:11.000 But with this, I don't break for Queefs. 1.00

01:54:13.000 I don't know why.

01:54:13.000 I want it to be like tattoo worthy.

01:54:17.000 And I texted him last night. 0.96

01:54:20.000 I go, I'm really sorry that I keep busting your balls, but what about this font? 0.96

01:54:25.000 He's like, dude, I get it. 0.96

01:54:28.000 You want it to be perfect.

01:54:30.000 I'm going to keep working on it.

01:54:32.000 When we finally complete the I Don't Break for Quefs shirt, it's going to be better than the Hells Angels logo. 0.96

01:54:46.000 Maybe or a different club.

01:54:47.000 It's going to be better than the American flag. 0.91

01:54:50.000 There we go.

01:54:50.000 That's way better.

01:54:51.000 It's going to be shocking.

01:54:55.000 It already is shocking.

01:54:57.000 Like he has flames and smoke on the wheels.

01:55:02.000 It will be glorious.

01:55:04.000 It is fantastic.

01:55:06.000 And what I love about it is the concept.

01:55:09.000 I don't break for queeves.

01:55:12.000 Yeah. 1.00

01:55:12.000 Pussy farts. 1.00

01:55:14.000 It's the stupidest political belief ever made. 1.00

01:55:20.000 And it is political. 1.00

01:55:22.000 It is political.

01:55:24.000 I don't break for queeves.

01:55:26.000 Some guys break for queeves.

01:55:27.000 I've heard. 1.00

01:55:28.000 And I feel like Maddie and I are the same guy, but I feel like you are kind of a gay lord, Ryan, but you fucked a lot of bitches. 1.00

01:55:40.000 And I feel like the three of us, if there's one thing that unites us, we've never broken for queef. 1.00

01:55:47.000 Never.

01:55:48.000 I've never broken for a queeef or a regular fart.

01:55:52.000 And amateurs like you, who don't have an electric heart thing or hang out with a Hulk, probably do break for regular farts.

01:56:02.000 Wait, amateurs like me, Gavin?

01:56:04.000 Yeah.

01:56:04.000 I feel like if a regular fart happened, you'd be like, I'm out of here, dude.

01:56:08.000 And I would just like fucking hand him out. 0.97

01:56:10.000 That's my whole point of the shirt is I don't break for Quefs. 1.00

01:56:14.000 Queefs are kind of rare, but regular farts, like, you know, if a chick just blows a regular fart at you, you're running. 0.99

01:56:22.000 I'm sticking around.

01:56:23.000 I'm Aaron Mann.

01:56:25.000 Right, Jarvis?

01:56:26.000 Yes, Tony.

01:56:27.000 Thank you.

01:56:30.000 Wait, was that Jarvis who said that?

01:56:32.000 Yep.

01:56:32.000 It sounded like you were doing that with your mouth.

01:56:34.000 No, it was Jarvis.

01:56:36.000 My mouth moved after she was talking, but it was like I had an itch.

01:56:42.000 Why are your hands so much pinker than your face?

01:56:45.000 I don't have to answer that.

01:56:46.000 So, you know, I hang out with Thor?

01:56:48.000 I'm getting the feeling that you're not Tony Starks.

01:56:52.000 Yeah, right.

01:56:53.000 What are you kidding?

01:56:55.000 I totally am.

01:56:57.000 Scotty, I apologize.

01:56:58.000 Scotty, don't.

01:56:59.000 Dr. Evil.

01:57:04.000 $100 million.

01:57:06.000 $100 million.

01:57:10.000 Okay.

01:57:11.000 Next one. 0.99

01:57:12.000 Gav, you and Anthony are through how black people can't swim. 1.00

01:57:15.000 Pretty sure it's because they're high bone density. 0.98

01:57:18.000 Yeah, I got a letter from this guy.

01:57:20.000 He's like, high bone density.

01:57:22.000 Yeah.

01:57:23.000 You could turn my bones into lead.

01:57:26.000 I'd still figure out how to swim.

01:57:28.000 How about iron, man?

01:57:32.000 How about iron, man?

01:57:33.000 Anyway, next.

01:57:36.000 Okay, the same one.

01:57:38.000 By the way, a friend of mine called me tonight, and he's like, dude, I got to hand it to you.

01:57:42.000 I love what you do. 1.00

01:57:44.000 I watch all your shit. 1.00

01:57:47.000 Your stuff with Anthony is racist. 1.00

01:57:51.000 It's a friend I've had for years. 1.00

01:57:54.000 It's like, it's fucking racist, dude. 1.00

01:57:57.000 I don't like it. 0.99

01:57:57.000 Thank you. 0.99

01:58:00.000 Now, my first instinct is with that kind of stuff is fuck you. 1.00

01:58:05.000 I hate you. 1.00

01:58:08.000 But this is a good friend. 0.99

01:58:09.000 So am I wrong?

01:58:12.000 I don't think it's racist enough.

01:58:13.000 Like, for instance, why don't black people get drafted into the war? 1.00

01:58:18.000 Because when the colonel says, get down, they all just start dancing. 0.98

01:58:29.000 Yeah.

01:58:30.000 Great delivery, Brian.

01:58:33.000 That wasn't Ryan.

01:58:34.000 So did you, Ryan, did you think Compound Censored yesterday was racist?

01:58:40.000 No, but I think I have a...

01:58:42.000 Here's my thing.

01:58:43.000 I think nothing's really racist unless you're like, I don't think you could be hatefully making jokes.

01:58:51.000 No, I take that back.

01:58:52.000 You could probably say some racist jokes, but no.

01:58:55.000 Racism, specifically my definition, is you have to have hatred towards the people you're saying.

01:59:00.000 I think the new definition of racist is stop talking about race.

01:59:06.000 Interesting.

01:59:08.000 So we were talking about race too much, I guess he was saying.

01:59:11.000 Hmm.

01:59:12.000 Okay, yeah, yeah.

01:59:13.000 Well, I don't know.

01:59:14.000 I feel like a lot of other groups are talking about race, and if it's not equal, then we're perpetuating races by not doing what you're saying.

01:59:20.000 I feel like he was basing it, too, on a couple comments on the site, and I'm like, can you imagine a different culture where you were constantly checking the comments on the site?

01:59:35.000 You know what I mean?

01:59:36.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:59:38.000 Like Casablanca.

01:59:40.000 Right.

01:59:42.000 Was he always checking what people thought?

01:59:45.000 No one knew.

01:59:47.000 Probs nay.

01:59:48.000 Van Halen, Motley Crew, no one knew what you thought of their product until years after.

01:59:58.000 Yeah, that's why, you know, all these celebrities, they're fallible now.

02:00:04.000 There's no icons.

02:00:05.000 There used to be Eddie Van Halen's, like, a rock god.

02:00:09.000 That doesn't exist anymore because comment sections.

02:00:12.000 People just tear them down, speculate, spread rumors.

02:00:16.000 Like, I don't have a rumors.

02:00:18.000 Speculum?

02:00:19.000 Speculate.

02:00:20.000 Er.

02:00:21.000 Hi, Gav.

02:00:21.000 This is John from the Boxing Gym.

02:00:23.000 I want to let you know we didn't invite you because we don't like your pseudo-intellectual jokes.

02:00:29.000 Oh.

02:00:30.000 That's valid.

02:00:33.000 I know you're going to say that you're going to dump us, John.

02:00:36.000 Oh, wait.

02:00:36.000 That hurts, John.

02:00:37.000 That might have been extended.

02:00:39.000 I can get the full version if we want it.

02:00:43.000 That hurt, John.

02:00:46.000 Hi, John.

02:00:48.000 You know, when you get to be 51, someone insults you and you go, that was very insulting and that hurt me.

02:00:56.000 And then you feel nothing.

02:00:58.000 You're like, good insult.

02:01:01.000 Next.

02:01:01.000 It's like sparring.

02:01:03.000 That was a good punch.

02:01:07.000 Yes, we heard about Justice Smoole led out of jail, but I've talked to people in the know and they go, relax.

02:01:15.000 He's going to get flung back in when his trial continues.

02:01:21.000 When his appeal fails.

02:01:23.000 Yeah, it's just a dumb release during the appeal for the verdict, which everyone agrees is valid.

02:01:32.000 So he'll get out for like a week, then he'll go back in. 0.99

02:01:36.000 I love him being in prison, though, because I don't think he's ever experienced any fucking negative behavior, which is funny because he's a gay black. 0.98

02:01:47.000 And all of these libs of TikTok teachers go, it's so hard for young children who identify as gay. 0.99

02:01:56.000 And we're watching it going, no, it's not.

02:01:58.000 No one cares. 0.94

02:02:00.000 No one bullies gay kids anymore. 0.66

02:02:04.000 That's an 80s thing. 0.57

02:02:12.000 All this money is going to Joe Biggs.

02:02:14.000 We need STEM engineers, just like Pooh on this. 0.96

02:02:18.000 America needs to stop relying on foreign professionals. 1.00

02:02:21.000 Agreed, as much as foreign manufacturing, blah, blah, blah.

02:02:25.000 Going to compete with China. 0.97

02:02:27.000 Keep pushing this BS.

02:02:29.000 Just ban uses Greece.

02:02:31.000 Yeah, I don't want to ban anything.

02:02:34.000 That's a lefty thing. 1.00

02:02:35.000 We don't ban shit. 1.00

02:02:37.000 But yeah, it's true. 0.99

02:02:39.000 Like, I dread my children going to university.

02:02:45.000 I don't want them to go. 0.99

02:02:47.000 My daughter's interested in art school, and I couldn't be more thrilled because art school is retarded and useless. 1.00

02:02:55.000 My eldest boy is into baseball. 0.92

02:02:58.000 He might get a scholarship into school.

02:03:01.000 Good.

02:03:02.000 Focus on baseball.

02:03:04.000 Baseball is much more important than anything you can learn in school.

02:03:11.000 Like, think of the concept of university.

02:03:14.000 It was invented because books were rare and people were illiterate.

02:03:19.000 And they would teach them Latin and show them the classics.

02:03:25.000 Gotcha.

02:03:26.000 Great concept.

02:03:28.000 And then by the time it got To our parents, they went, Look, 5% went to school, and that 5% got rich.

02:03:37.000 Yeah, it's got nothing to do with school.

02:03:39.000 The 5% got rich because they're smart, because 5% of people are smart.

02:03:44.000 Sorry, it's all a lie. 1.00

02:03:48.000 And then they started inventing all this woke shit. 0.99

02:03:50.000 Look at Yale University today. 0.99

02:03:54.000 They had an open-minded discussion about free speech where a conservative and a liberal said, we can both agree that free speech exists. 1.00

02:04:07.000 This was interpreted as trans children need to die. 0.98

02:04:14.000 And so they had massive rallies tonight, yesterday, screaming hysterically. 1.00

02:04:20.000 Women saying, I'm going to fucking kill you. 1.00

02:04:25.000 Should you send your kid to that school? 1.00

02:04:29.000 No.

02:04:30.000 I'm super serious about the bone density thing. 1.00

02:04:33.000 You're a fucking retard, Harry Manbach. 1.00

02:04:38.000 Blacks are not swimming because their bones are heavy. 1.00

02:04:44.000 Shut up. 1.00

02:04:45.000 Stop calling us. 1.00

02:04:46.000 That's a fucking lie. 1.00

02:04:49.000 Blacks, Jack Blacks, bones are the fucking same. 1.00

02:04:54.000 You're a fucking liar, dude. 1.00

02:04:57.000 Chebi. 1.00

02:05:00.000 That's pretty good.

02:05:01.000 Yep.

02:05:03.000 Please gossip about Grog Guttfeld.

02:05:06.000 I did a million.

02:05:07.000 I literally gossiped Grog Guttfeld to death.

02:05:11.000 I actually don't have anything left. 0.99

02:05:14.000 I will say there were times when I thought he was gay, and I'd be driving back in my cab, my Fox News cab that was paid for, and I'd be like, dude, if you're fucking gay, nobody cares. 0.99

02:05:29.000 Just, and you don't have to tell me. 0.99

02:05:31.000 Just be a gay. 1.00

02:05:33.000 Enjoy your gayness. 1.00

02:05:34.000 Well, maybe he's gay. 0.98

02:05:35.000 You ever thought of that? 0.63

02:05:36.000 We just, yeah, we just did. 0.79

02:05:38.000 Like I said to my uncle, who was gay, who died gay. 0.92

02:05:42.000 But it was not a big deal. 0.79

02:05:44.000 It was like admitting you're albino. 0.66

02:05:48.000 I said, well, you ain't that straight. 1.00

02:05:52.000 You like to see the guys with the big penises? 0.99

02:05:55.000 Then he ain't that straight. 1.00

02:05:57.000 The ones with the big penis. 0.99

02:05:59.000 I will say about Greg Gutfeld and David Cross, Samantha B, people I intimately know. 0.99

02:06:07.000 I've been to their homes.

02:06:08.000 I've slept in their beds.

02:06:10.000 I got to say, wonderful people.

02:06:14.000 Really noble people.

02:06:16.000 Donate tons of money to charity.

02:06:20.000 Yeah, really nice.

02:06:22.000 Really cool.

02:06:23.000 Not what you'd think from our side, but yeah, very caring.

02:06:33.000 Who know?

02:06:34.000 Maybe that is a good example of how the media is trying to separate us and we're all basically the same.

02:06:43.000 Like David Cross, when I first met him, we were all broke, but he was rich because of Scary Movie 3 or Scary Movie 2, whatever.

02:06:53.000 And he would get money.

02:06:55.000 He'd go on vacation.

02:06:57.000 And not only would he pay for all of our vacations and the place we rented, but he would match whatever he's paid to a veteran's charity fund.

02:07:10.000 And he never told anyone about that.

02:07:12.000 I'm maybe the only one who knows this. 0.99

02:07:15.000 But he spent a fucking fortune on his friends and on charity. 0.99

02:07:23.000 Maybe a lot of liberals aren't cunts. 1.00

02:07:25.000 They're just brainwashed. 0.99

02:07:27.000 And tonight you could donate some money to a veteran, too, who's in jail.

02:07:31.000 I know I'm joe exotic, but it's pretty serious.

02:07:35.000 So donate.

02:07:35.000 You're not a veteran?

02:07:37.000 No, to Joe Biggs.

02:07:39.000 So send in the super chat, and then the money will go to him.

02:07:43.000 We've reached the channel.

02:07:44.000 Okay, super chat goes to Joe Biggs.

02:07:46.000 We'll show the gifts angle at the end.

02:07:48.000 But I got the feeling there that you were expecting money would go to you.

02:07:53.000 Well, I wouldn't be mad about it, but I'm not really expecting it at the same token.

02:08:00.000 So you were implying that some money should go to you.

02:08:04.000 Well, not all of it, but...

02:08:06.000 And if you don't give it to me, then ain't that straight?

02:08:10.000 I got to say, I actually don't think you belong in jail.

02:08:14.000 I don't. 1.00

02:08:15.000 I was falsely convicted because that fuck, you know her name. 1.00

02:08:19.000 Carol Biskins. 1.00

02:08:20.000 Carol Biskins.

02:08:21.000 And her Tuggers. 1.00

02:08:24.000 She's got Tuggers. 1.00

02:08:26.000 Yeah.

02:08:27.000 All right, let's empty the call bin.

02:08:31.000 Ryan's doing a good job. 0.95

02:08:32.000 Last July show sucked. 0.90

02:08:35.000 That hurts. 0.98

02:08:37.000 Be funny like live.

02:08:39.000 We don't have the sticky note anymore.

02:08:42.000 By the way, Sylvia.

02:08:44.000 No one's talked about Sylvia.

02:08:46.000 Sylvia fell against the counter. 1.00

02:08:49.000 She fucked up her hips. 1.00

02:08:51.000 She is severely injured. 1.00

02:08:53.000 Right.

02:08:56.000 I can put her down if you want me to.

02:08:58.000 No, I don't want that.

02:08:59.000 Okay.

02:09:02.000 Maddie, what's the most intimidating threat you've ever uttered?

02:09:08.000 I can't say that on screen.

02:09:11.000 Statute of limitations.

02:09:14.000 I like the froggy one. 1.00

02:09:16.000 If you're feeling froggy, fucking jump. 1.00

02:09:18.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99

02:09:19.000 But I'm an opportunity.

02:09:21.000 Maddie, what's the most...

02:09:22.000 Yeah, that's the same one.

02:09:25.000 Okay, we've got to wrap it up.

02:09:27.000 Do we have a bunch of calls on hold?

02:09:29.000 We got a couple calls.

02:09:31.000 Let's finish the calls.

02:09:32.000 Get these out of the way.

02:09:33.000 Let's go.

02:09:34.000 All right, blast the ball.

02:09:35.000 I think you might be a drunk.

02:09:36.000 Okay. 0.95

02:09:37.000 Yeah, you found an Irishman drunk on St. Patty's Day career. 0.99

02:09:42.000 Would you rather blow Greg Guffold or lick Brian Kilmead's taint? 0.96

02:09:52.000 That's actually kind of funny. 0.95

02:09:54.000 Well, then you ain't that straight.

02:09:55.000 I think I'd rather rick Brian Kilmead's taint because this is like, Yeah.

02:10:00.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:10:02.000 Oh, that's good.

02:10:02.000 You know, like, blow is like, wow.

02:10:06.000 Yeah.

02:10:06.000 If you're straight, you want to look at taint.

02:10:09.000 I'm at Brian Kilmead.

02:10:10.000 He's a great guy.

02:10:11.000 Very funny.

02:10:11.000 What was his taint like?

02:10:15.000 It tastes like vinegar.

02:10:19.000 This guy loves taint jokes.

02:10:23.000 We've got our taint audience here.

02:10:26.000 Oh, yeah.

02:10:29.000 What's up, buddy?

02:10:32.000 Hey, Greg.

02:10:33.000 Well, his taint is probably cleaner than anything else on Kill Mead.

02:10:40.000 Agreed.

02:10:41.000 Yeah.

02:10:42.000 Yeah.

02:10:43.000 And hey, yo, Greg going on.

02:10:45.000 Maddie, I'm a baby monster.

02:10:47.000 Thank you. 0.92

02:10:48.000 And Gavin, I'm a baby monster. 0.71

02:10:50.000 And Ryan, I'm a baby monster.

02:10:52.000 And I've been with you guys since the very beginning.

02:10:55.000 And yeah, when you talked about Greg Gutfeld, yeah, I missed you guys from Red Eye.

02:11:02.000 That's where I first was introduced to you, Gav.

02:11:06.000 And I just respect you.

02:11:07.000 And I thank you for your attitude towards marriage.

02:11:11.000 And, you know, well, Catholicism, I've already talked about that.

02:11:16.000 You're okay, bro.

02:11:17.000 You'll be a good magician.

02:11:18.000 So what's your point?

02:11:19.000 What's the question here?

02:11:21.000 We got plenty of flattery.

02:11:23.000 Let's get.

02:11:25.000 If I had a question, I'd be cut off because you only get one question.

02:11:30.000 Ah, the guy knows the rules.

02:11:32.000 All right, thanks for calling, buddy.

02:11:34.000 That was great.

02:11:35.000 The first one was the first time.

02:11:36.000 So anyway, Gas opinions on Bud Platinum.

02:11:39.000 Stronger and Bruce for the night.

02:11:40.000 I never tried Bud Platinum.

02:11:42.000 What?

02:11:43.000 Oh, it's pretty dank.

02:11:44.000 Really?

02:11:45.000 Back in my drinking days, yeah, they get you drunker quicker.

02:11:48.000 So it's old news?

02:11:49.000 It's old news.

02:11:50.000 If you want to get a nice buzz going, you drink about three of those, and then you go to regular buds for the taste.

02:11:56.000 I'm international gibbing.

02:11:58.000 Okay.

02:12:00.000 Five bucks.

02:12:01.000 Let's see.

02:12:01.000 We got another caller on the line here.

02:12:03.000 Tallulah.

02:12:04.000 736.

02:12:06.000 What's going on, Tallulah?

02:12:07.000 Hi, Janet.

02:12:08.000 Hi, Tallulah.

02:12:11.000 Hey, I was just wondering.

02:12:13.000 Okay, I'm freaking out.

02:12:14.000 I've been on here for like an hour.

02:12:15.000 But what would you say, like, top five punk fans to get into, like, if you just got into punk?

02:12:25.000 Okay. 0.96

02:12:26.000 Well, I'm a fag, so I like the poppiness of it. 0.99

02:12:31.000 So I would recommend The Sex Specials, obviously at the top. 0.99

02:12:40.000 The Clash, obviously at the second.

02:12:44.000 Crass, to get sort of weird.

02:12:48.000 Then maybe Conflict.

02:12:51.000 And then, I don't know.

02:12:53.000 You know what would be fun for number five?

02:12:55.000 Peter and the Test Tube Babies.

02:12:57.000 Just to mix it up.

02:12:58.000 Just to get crazy.

02:13:00.000 And that's a huge variety of bands.

02:13:03.000 So, Sex Bistles, Clash, Peter and the Test Tube Babies, Conflict.

02:13:14.000 Yeah, enjoy yourself. 0.98

02:13:15.000 Bow, wow, wow.

02:13:18.000 Thanks a lot.

02:13:19.000 Love you guys.

02:13:20.000 Okay, bye.

02:13:21.000 Bye-bye.

02:13:23.000 She got the fade, too.

02:13:25.000 Como cop denied entry America. 1.00

02:13:27.000 Fuck fucking. 1.00

02:13:28.000 416. 1.00

02:13:31.000 I like your new sunglasses.

02:13:34.000 I like your new sunglasses. 0.99

02:13:39.000 Fucking so, okay, listen, man. 0.99

02:13:42.000 My family right now, so I married an American chick and I made some American kids. 1.00

02:13:47.000 And I said, Where are you from?

02:13:50.000 Toronto.

02:13:51.000 So you're Canadian?

02:13:53.000 Yeah, I'm a Canadian, eh?

02:13:55.000 How's it going, bud?

02:13:58.000 So, yeah, I went to try to go down to Illinois today.

02:14:01.000 Went down with my mom and my sister.

02:14:04.000 They're vaxxed.

02:14:06.000 I'm not.

02:14:07.000 And they said, nope.

02:14:10.000 I got turned away. 1.00

02:14:13.000 Fucking horseshit. 0.99

02:14:14.000 I've stopped at shoppers, got a COVID test, and it was negative, HIV positive, but negative. 1.00

02:14:21.000 And fucking, yeah, they said you have to be vaxx to get into the country. 1.00

02:14:26.000 So some fucking scumbag motherfucker can let his daughter get raped from Mexico and get into the country, but I can't with a negative COVID test. 1.00

02:14:35.000 All right, thanks for Windsor. 1.00

02:14:38.000 Go ahead, sorry.

02:14:39.000 No, no, no.

02:14:40.000 You're going ahead.

02:14:41.000 And not sorry.

02:14:44.000 I'll never recover from this.

02:14:46.000 I am never going to financially recover from this.

02:14:54.000 Okay, this person is 706.

02:15:00.000 What's going on, 706?

02:15:01.000 Gas again.

02:15:02.000 Hot pocket.

02:15:04.000 No, but hey, real quick, if you look up, if you look up on YouTube, Fat Korean laughing at his food, and that's you on your gym cheat day.

02:15:16.000 Play that video.

02:15:18.000 Every day I do.

02:15:19.000 That's all I got.

02:15:20.000 I'll cut it short.

02:15:20.000 All right, thanks for calling.

02:15:22.000 Every day is a cheat day.

02:15:23.000 Why are we doing this?

02:15:24.000 Like, we're 10 minutes after, and you think, like, oh, okay, that's a good thing to do because it helps people who, you know, didn't make it. 0.96

02:15:32.000 But you're like, this is all garbage.

02:15:34.000 Yeah, well, I pulled it up because it was quick enough. 0.92

02:15:38.000 It's not like there's a bunch of gold. 1.00

02:15:43.000 Babies are losers. 1.00

02:15:46.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:15:47.000 You're not kicking, bitch. 1.00

02:15:49.000 Mom's moving your leg. 1.00

02:15:51.000 That's me.

02:15:51.000 I'm a dad.

02:15:52.000 Oh, sorry.

02:15:53.000 Is that your daughter?

02:15:54.000 Yeah.

02:15:55.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99

02:15:57.000 I'm kicking her leg. 1.00

02:16:04.000 And I just adopted your daughter. 0.72

02:16:07.000 I mean.

02:16:08.000 But I was right.

02:16:09.000 She's not swimming. 1.00

02:16:10.000 She's a bitch. 1.00

02:16:11.000 Well, she's not a bitch, but she's also. 1.00

02:16:13.000 No, she's the bitch. 1.00

02:16:14.000 No. 1.00

02:16:15.000 She's the bitch, dude. 1.00

02:16:16.000 Come on. 1.00

02:16:17.000 No.

02:16:19.000 She kept me up late.

02:16:25.000 Great footage.

02:16:26.000 Yeah, that wasn't very good quality.

02:16:28.000 Okay, last call.

02:16:29.000 Let's Wrap it up. 0.99

02:16:30.000 This is dumb. 0.99

02:16:31.000 Yeah. 0.99

02:16:32.000 All right.

02:16:33.000 Okay.

02:16:34.000 Look and look and look.

02:16:35.000 You know what?

02:16:35.000 I want to pick one here.

02:16:37.000 Okay.

02:16:38.000 Speaking about actual racism.

02:16:40.000 Okay.

02:16:43.000 You know, let's try this one.

02:16:44.000 Okay.

02:16:46.000 All right.

02:16:47.000 505, you're on the line.

02:16:48.000 Make it good. 0.98

02:16:49.000 Otherwise, I'm gay. 0.99

02:16:50.000 Last call. 0.97

02:16:50.000 It's better to get it. 0.97

02:16:52.000 All right.

02:16:52.000 Well, you're making it last, so I'll just keep...

02:16:55.000 I'm not going to talk about what I was going to talk about, but remember a while back when you said that your wife's family at the end of a joke goes.

02:17:03.000 Yes, Indians do that. 0.84

02:17:06.000 Well, the Indians in my area of the country at the end of a joke go... 1.00

02:17:11.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

02:17:14.000 That's pretty good. 1.00

02:17:15.000 At the end of every joke, I went down to get a fucking beard up total. 1.00

02:17:19.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

02:17:20.000 And no white person knows what the fuck is it? 1.00

02:17:23.000 Where do you live? 1.00

02:17:23.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

02:17:25.000 In New Mexico. 1.00

02:17:27.000 What's the tribe?

02:17:29.000 It's the Mescalero Apaches. 1.00

02:17:31.000 They're like the craziest motherfuckers. 1.00

02:17:33.000 They're the craziest Indians in the country. 1.00

02:17:35.000 They're sucking. 1.00

02:17:36.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

02:17:37.000 They'll kill you. 1.00

02:17:38.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

02:17:39.000 Oh, shit. 1.00

02:17:45.000 I like the bad. 1.00

02:17:48.000 What's up?

02:17:49.000 Love you.

02:17:49.000 Gabby.

02:17:50.000 Hey, guys.

02:17:50.000 We love you, too.

02:17:51.000 We have two more chats on the thing if you want.

02:17:53.000 Okay, definitely not racist.

02:17:55.000 Two racist science show.

02:17:57.000 Call my attention's pure gold. 1.00

02:17:59.000 Anyone doesn't like it as a pussy faggot? 1.00

02:18:01.000 Blah, blah, blah. 1.00

02:18:02.000 Okay.

02:18:03.000 Would you rather be forced to hold your breath under water for a full two minutes immediately upon waking up for the rest of your life or go to bed in soaking my jeans for the bread?

02:18:14.000 That's pretty good.

02:18:16.000 That's actually pretty good.

02:18:17.000 That's very good.

02:18:18.000 I like that it doesn't involve me like blowing my dad.

02:18:21.000 Yeah.

02:18:22.000 Okay.

02:18:23.000 So.

02:18:23.000 Not too much to ask for, by the way.

02:18:26.000 Would you rather be forced to hold your breath underwater for two minutes, which is a cunt, but it's possible. 0.98

02:18:34.000 Yeah, it's doable. 0.99

02:18:35.000 But so is sleeping in wet jeans.

02:18:37.000 It's doable.

02:18:40.000 They're going to drive on in the morning.

02:18:45.000 Okay.

02:18:47.000 Are you...

02:18:51.000 It's contemplating.

02:18:55.000 Go to bed and soaking wet jeans. 0.99

02:18:58.000 So when you go to bed, by the way, your butthole, your legs, they're aerating, they're like rejuvenating, they're selves. 0.96

02:19:09.000 It's not a random thing. 0.94

02:19:11.000 It's important when you go to bed. 0.98

02:19:15.000 So if you're soaking your legs, you're fucking that up. 0.99

02:19:31.000 Very gaseous today. 0.99

02:19:33.000 Yeah.

02:19:39.000 Senior breath.

02:19:39.000 St. Fartrik's Tateman?

02:19:43.000 I feel like I can hold my breath probably for two minutes.

02:19:47.000 You want to try it?

02:19:48.000 No. 1.00

02:19:49.000 That's a pain in the ass. 1.00

02:19:50.000 Yeah, okay. 1.00

02:19:50.000 I'll try it. 1.00

02:19:51.000 Alright, well, let's all try it.

02:19:53.000 Ready?

02:19:54.000 I can set a timer.

02:19:55.000 Hey, Siri.

02:19:58.000 Set timer for two minutes.

02:20:00.000 Ready?

02:20:01.000 Ready?

02:20:02.000 One.

02:20:02.000 Set.

02:20:03.000 Two.

02:20:04.000 Go.

02:20:04.000 Three.

02:21:49.000 Wow.

02:21:52.000 That was not easy.

02:21:56.000 Timer still going.

02:21:57.000 Let's see.

02:22:04.000 No fun.

02:22:04.000 It just got done.

02:22:06.000 What just got done?

02:22:07.000 The timer.

02:22:09.000 You got real close.

02:22:10.000 The timer just went up.

02:22:11.000 Oh, did you pass out?

02:22:13.000 Oh.

02:22:14.000 So what did I do?

02:22:17.000 You were about 15 seconds away, I'd say, right?

02:22:20.000 145?

02:22:21.000 Yeah.

02:22:22.000 Okay, so we're not that farther ahead with this discussion, gentlemen.

02:22:27.000 I think that solved it for me.

02:22:29.000 I'm doing wet genes.

02:22:31.000 What did it solve?

02:22:32.000 I'm doing wet jeans because I don't think I'd be. 0.98

02:22:34.000 I almost did two minutes, and I was in hell, and I fucking hated it, and I beat you two guys. 0.98

02:22:39.000 Yeah. 1.00

02:22:40.000 Who were crying like little bitches, by the way. 1.00

02:22:42.000 I don't remember crying at all. 1.00

02:22:44.000 You cried like a little bitches. 1.00

02:22:45.000 You didn't cry. 1.00

02:22:46.000 I didn't cry.

02:22:47.000 I cried.

02:22:48.000 You cried.

02:22:49.000 I was greeting.

02:22:50.000 You were greeting.

02:22:53.000 So that's once every day, by the way.

02:22:55.000 Yeah.

02:22:56.000 Once a month you can go like, all right, I'll have my life.

02:23:00.000 I'll go to Orlando. 1.00

02:23:01.000 I'll do shit. 1.00

02:23:02.000 And then, oh shit, it's 18th. 1.00

02:23:04.000 I got to get back and do my dumb breath holding. 1.00

02:23:09.000 Don't you already wake up with wet jeans anyway? 0.98

02:23:12.000 What's the difference?

02:23:18.000 No need for that.

02:23:19.000 There's no need for that.

02:23:21.000 How dare you?

02:23:22.000 You go pee-pee in your pitch.

02:23:23.000 How dare you? 1.00

02:23:26.000 That hurts like fucking hell. 1.00

02:23:28.000 I'm not going to lie. 0.99

02:23:28.000 This is me sleeping as Gavin. 0.99

02:23:30.000 That insult hurts like fucking hell. 0.99

02:23:32.000 Oh, I'm pissing on my girl. 1.00

02:23:34.000 Really good insult that really hurts. 0.89

02:23:38.000 Oh, I'm pissing on Gavin.

02:23:39.000 Yep, you got me.

02:23:42.000 It happens.

02:23:44.000 But anyway, back to this ultimatum.

02:23:47.000 So I think all of us holding our breath for two minutes would take a lot of training.

02:23:56.000 Yeah.

02:23:57.000 And then what was the other option? 1.00

02:23:58.000 We have to eat a piece of shit or something. 1.00

02:24:00.000 No, no, no, no piece of shit. 1.00

02:24:01.000 It's on screen. 1.00

02:24:03.000 Go to sleep with soaking wet jeans for the rest of your life.

02:24:05.000 Soaking wet jeans. 1.00

02:24:08.000 You're going to get like a rash and shit. 0.99

02:24:11.000 Homeboy's going to like get a rash. 1.00

02:24:17.000 I'm going to say I will train myself and learn how to hold my breath for two minutes a day. 0.99

02:24:25.000 Damn. 0.99

02:24:26.000 But that is the first ultimatum on this show that was good. 0.99

02:24:33.000 Yep.

02:24:34.000 You didn't bring in like sex with our parents. 1.00

02:24:37.000 You didn't fucking do dumb shit. 1.00

02:24:40.000 That was a very good ultimatum. 1.00

02:24:44.000 We were very confused here.

02:24:47.000 And we finally came up with the solution.

02:24:51.000 Holding your breath for two minutes a day as opposed to wet jeans.

02:24:56.000 Good work.

02:24:58.000 Thank you, caller.

02:24:59.000 Finally.

02:25:02.000 And Jim Gaffigan agrees.

02:25:04.000 But he didn't pass his pants.

02:25:13.000 Okay, can we please wrap it up?

02:25:15.000 I believe so, yes.

02:25:17.000 Let's empty the calls, though.

02:25:19.000 I don't want these callers to...

02:25:24.000 Knocking their money's worth.

02:25:25.000 There's 14.

02:25:26.000 Let's do all 14.

02:25:28.000 Okay.

02:25:28.000 Eric and I talk about the email.

02:25:31.000 403.

02:25:33.000 What's going on?

02:25:35.000 Yo, are you guys serious about the mantis shrimp?

02:25:38.000 Yes or no?

02:25:40.000 What?

02:25:41.000 The mantis shrimp.

02:25:42.000 Are you serious about the...

02:25:44.000 We're getting the mantis shrimp.

02:25:46.000 I am genuinely embarrassed that it's taking this long.

02:25:49.000 Laid it all out.

02:25:50.000 Perfectly.

02:25:51.000 Laid it all out perfectly for you guys.

02:25:53.000 Thank you for calling. 0.99

02:25:54.000 I fucked up. 0.92

02:25:56.000 I remember that emails. 0.99

02:25:57.000 My favorite is when Gav says you look like a child when you don't button your top button.

02:26:02.000 That's true.

02:26:03.000 Meanwhile, the ad for any of fashion or they don't have their top button up.

02:26:08.000 Okay.

02:26:09.000 They're not wearing your time.

02:26:10.000 Bad work, guys.

02:26:11.000 Don't do that.

02:26:12.000 Okay.

02:26:13.000 Next.

02:26:13.000 Okay.

02:26:16.000 Seven, five, seven.

02:26:19.000 Hey, Gab.

02:26:21.000 I'm about to deploy here in the next few months, and my brother's wedding is supposed to happen right after I get back from the deployment.

02:26:30.000 And I heard you give out free suit, probably, maybe, to that one guy before.

02:26:35.000 But I'm not going to ask for a suit, but if you had a recommendation from Nita, what kind of suit, because he hasn't, like, my brother hasn't specified like there's any particular theme.

02:26:47.000 But if you had, like, maybe one to three suit ideas for, you know, my brother's hopefully only wedding, what would you recommend?

02:26:57.000 Well, clearly, Nita fashions. 0.99

02:27:00.000 Oh, what type of?

02:27:01.000 I mean, like, what style of suit? 0.99

02:27:02.000 Like, what kind of fucking from this? 1.00

02:27:06.000 Get the fucking funeral suit. 1.00

02:27:09.000 Be square. 1.00

02:27:10.000 Be boring.

02:27:11.000 Don't get weird.

02:27:13.000 Get boring.

02:27:13.000 Anyway, thanks for calling.

02:27:15.000 Would you rather blow your dad or eat your mom? 1.00

02:27:17.000 Don't fuck yourself. 1.00

02:27:19.000 Guys, such a fucking lame question. 1.00

02:27:22.000 Frankie, 203. 0.99

02:27:25.000 Hey, what's up, Gav and Ryan?

02:27:27.000 Uhuru from the bay.

02:27:29.000 And you know what? 0.98

02:27:30.000 I'm actually the co-founder of that Discord that you visited a while back with all those dumbass Zoomers on it. 1.00

02:27:37.000 Oh, shit! 1.00

02:27:39.000 What's up? 1.00

02:27:41.000 What's up?

02:27:42.000 So I just wanted to agree with the war on drugs.

02:27:46.000 You know what's funny is black markets are incentivized through illegalization.

02:27:51.000 So when you illegalize something, you're actually offering the market incentive or the premium for that product for people who are willing to take the risk.

02:28:00.000 So the smartest thing you can do is to decriminalize the stuff and regulate it like SudaFed.

02:28:05.000 You present your ID, you sign a thing.

02:28:07.000 Isn't it crazy that that's the proud boy belief, and we are known as far-right radical Nazis? 0.95

02:28:16.000 Well, we're calling for the mass black unemployment. 1.00

02:28:19.000 Thanks for calling.

02:28:19.000 Great point.

02:28:20.000 Thanks for calling.

02:28:23.000 Okay.

02:28:23.000 Let's wrap it up.

02:28:24.000 Fuggin.

02:28:25.000 925. 0.83

02:28:27.000 You're on the live.

02:28:30.000 I'll make a quick PSA for the tradesmen out there. 1.00

02:28:32.000 Electricians, plumbers, fitters, laborers, roofers, you're all fags. 1.00

02:28:36.000 Carpenters run work. 1.00

02:28:37.000 State union scabs are for shit bums that can't pass the drug test. 1.00

02:28:41.000 Gavin, I got a quick question. 1.00

02:28:43.000 My daughter's 19.

02:28:44.000 I know your daughters are getting up there. 1.00

02:28:46.000 She's with some fucking cuck that wants to move her up to Oregon. 1.00

02:28:50.000 And I'm wondering how you're going to manage that when you get there. 0.99

02:28:55.000 I know you're coming up on it.

02:28:57.000 But what are your thoughts on that?

02:28:57.000 Can't you say no?

02:29:00.000 Well, he comes up and visits and says shit like, oh, it's okay that she makes more money than me. 0.99

02:29:05.000 And it's okay that, you know, she's got good credit, makes all kinds of comments where he's okay laying back and being a little cuck. 0.99

02:29:11.000 And I don't know how to manage that.

02:29:14.000 I can't lose the daughter, right?

02:29:16.000 But I'm sure how to work through that. 0.98

02:29:21.000 I'm going through some crazy shit with my daughter right now, with her friends getting into drugs and it not going very well for the friends. 0.94

02:29:30.000 I don't know. 0.99

02:29:31.000 Can't we do no?

02:29:32.000 Can we not bring back no?

02:29:35.000 Yeah.

02:29:38.000 I'll be arguing with my wife and she'll go like, she needs more love, and blah, blah, blah. 0.99

02:29:43.000 And I'll go, I agree with you.

02:29:46.000 Love her up.

02:29:47.000 Like, love all the kids up.

02:29:49.000 That's your job.

02:29:50.000 My job is not love.

02:29:52.000 My job is not hugs.

02:29:54.000 No one's, by the way, asking me for hugs.

02:29:57.000 It's not like they're like, won't dad hug me once?

02:30:00.000 So, can I have a hug?

02:30:03.000 No.

02:30:03.000 Yeah, no, I'm not.

02:30:04.000 On the AGM, I just know that when I send them money, they're going to San Francisco and kids can't protect her and that kind of thing. 0.99

02:30:11.000 And how old is she?

02:30:11.000 I'm trying to get her from them without losing her.

02:30:13.000 How old is she? 0.98

02:30:15.000 She's 19.

02:30:17.000 Yeah, she's an adult, dude. 1.00

02:30:19.000 Shut up. 1.00

02:30:20.000 I guess my only advice to you would be you don't need advice. 1.00

02:30:25.000 You have an adult daughter.

02:30:27.000 19.

02:30:28.000 I mean, talk to her.

02:30:30.000 Send her texts that look funny.

02:30:33.000 Every time you see something funny on Instagram, send her the text.

02:30:38.000 But that's not your daughter anymore, dude.

02:30:40.000 That's a woman. 1.00

02:30:42.000 That's a fair point.

02:30:44.000 All right.

02:30:44.000 Thanks for calling.

02:30:46.000 Yeah, we have to accept the fact that 18-year-olds are not our children.

02:30:51.000 I don't like it.

02:30:53.000 Breaks my heart.

02:30:54.000 I'm three years away from that with my eldest girl.

02:30:59.000 And I'm sure she's equally alarmed that she's turfed in three years.

02:31:07.000 That's the deal.

02:31:08.000 I mean, when my daughter turns 18 months and I'm out of the picture, I mean, it's going to be.

02:31:12.000 No, no, Ryan, 18 years.

02:31:15.000 Yeah, 18 months is, it's right around the corner, basically.

02:31:17.000 No, no.

02:31:17.000 No, Ryan.

02:31:18.000 Right after Disney.

02:31:19.000 Stop.

02:31:21.000 When a girl's 18, it's time to move out. 1.00

02:31:24.000 18 months is a year old.

02:31:27.000 You got to take care of them and hold them.

02:31:29.000 Over a year.

02:31:31.000 And I'll probably be dancing with the stars, and we could probably go on trips together.

02:31:37.000 I wouldn't have to ask for permission anymore.

02:31:39.000 You know, ball and chain because I have no clue in this joke.

02:31:42.000 I'm worried it's too simple.

02:31:45.000 Drew, 904, you're on the line.

02:31:49.000 Go ahead.

02:31:52.000 What's up, Gavin?

02:31:53.000 Hey, Manny, do you have any cool, or not cool, disgusting MRSA stories from prison?

02:32:00.000 Someone's in jail and some dudes got like...

02:32:03.000 MRSA's no joke.

02:32:04.000 It'll kill you.

02:32:07.000 I've had it twice. 0.61

02:32:08.000 I've had surgery for it twice.

02:32:11.000 Wow.

02:32:12.000 Once on my leg, once on my knee.

02:32:14.000 Once on my knee and once on my elbow.

02:32:16.000 This is 80 to 90% chance of Mercer. 0.99

02:32:19.000 How much shit did they pull out of your knee? 0.99

02:32:25.000 They lanced them both times and squeezed it all out and, you know, full-blown IV antibiotics. 0.99

02:32:33.000 I mean, it's nothing to play with because you'll get, you know, turn septic and you'll get sepsis and die.

02:32:38.000 They can kill you quick.

02:32:40.000 It's nothing to play with.

02:32:42.000 But yeah, it's rampant everywhere.

02:32:44.000 Anywhere there's communal living.

02:32:48.000 Like a Brown the Crucibite or whatever. 0.88

02:32:51.000 Yeah, it's...

02:32:53.000 All right, thanks for calling.

02:32:54.000 Great point.

02:32:56.000 Maddie got super weird with that question, didn't he?

02:32:58.000 MRSA?

02:32:59.000 Yeah, it's no joke.

02:33:00.000 He got super like serious.

02:33:02.000 They said prisons have 80 to 90% sometimes of...

02:33:06.000 Look how disturbed Maddie is now. 1.00

02:33:08.000 Well, MRSA bacteria is everywhere. 0.65

02:33:10.000 Oh.

02:33:11.000 It's what it stands for.

02:33:12.000 It's methicillin-resistant Staphysilococcus auroris, which is like a super staph infection.

02:33:20.000 Wow.

02:33:21.000 It's resistance to all the antibiotics.

02:33:28.000 You know what?

02:33:28.000 I feel like my high school girlfriend doesn't want to speak to me anymore.

02:33:32.000 Why is that? 0.72

02:33:33.000 Because I'm a Nazi.

02:33:35.000 Oh.

02:33:36.000 Marissa?

02:33:37.000 Yeah, it's no joke.

02:33:40.000 303, you're on the line.

02:33:42.000 You're listening to the show. 1.00

02:33:44.000 Shut up. 1.00

02:33:50.000 You need to speak if you want to talk. 1.00

02:33:53.000 That's it.

02:33:54.000 You know.

02:33:54.000 What are you saying?

02:33:56.000 Make babies to serve the home? 0.93

02:33:59.000 What's that?

02:34:00.000 But what, like, let's say I do those things.

02:34:02.000 I'm not enthusiastic about it, but let's say I do.

02:34:08.000 I love...

02:34:08.000 I'm sure if I'm going to get pregnant, I'm going to be happy for my baby.

02:34:13.000 But at the same time, like, you know, you always say, go for it.

02:34:17.000 Have babies at early age, can't marry it early. 0.91

02:34:20.000 But what if, let's say, 10 years ago, hypothetically.

02:34:23.000 Your call has been a baby.

02:34:27.000 I didn't hear her call.

02:34:29.000 Thanks for calling.

02:34:29.000 Next call.

02:34:31.000 Sorry, lady.

02:34:33.000 Have a baby. 1.00

02:34:34.000 Did you hear any of her shit? 1.00

02:34:38.000 What did she say? 1.00

02:34:39.000 72.

02:34:39.000 Update on a vintage car.

02:34:41.000 Oh.

02:34:43.000 What was that caller?

02:34:45.000 Update on the vintage car.

02:34:47.000 Update on your vintage car.

02:34:48.000 Oh.

02:34:50.000 It's on its way to Fredericksburg, Virginia.

02:34:54.000 It needs $3,000 of tweaks.

02:34:58.000 It is doing great.

02:35:00.000 And we have a very funny idea to do a car guys when we go over there and pick it up.

02:35:07.000 So everything's going great. 0.99

02:35:09.000 But I got to say, thank you for calling because while I walk away from my stupid, dumb BMW that I don't give a fuck about, I'm just like, I'm 51 years old. 0.99

02:35:23.000 I've been involved in high fashion my whole life. 1.00

02:35:27.000 I know that sounds gay.

02:35:28.000 I get it. 1.00

02:35:30.000 But I'm like, why am I with this shit? 0.99

02:35:35.000 Like, my car's never been cool. 0.99

02:35:37.000 My motorcycles have always been cool.

02:35:40.000 Suzuki GS850, Triumph Bonneville 700. 0.99

02:35:45.000 And then I have these faggot BMWs. 1.00

02:35:48.000 Fuck them. 1.00

02:35:49.000 I hate them. 1.00

02:35:49.000 I hate them as much as my dog. 1.00

02:35:52.000 Get them out of here.

02:35:53.000 What you need to get is the highly reliable all-American vehicle.

02:35:58.000 Like what?

02:35:59.000 Well, the all-new Dodge Ram.

02:36:04.000 Built with enough elbow grease to get you from point A to point A. Model T4.

02:36:08.000 With the all-new Dodge Ram, you get security, safety, speed, and, of course, American badass.

02:36:15.000 Making power.

02:36:17.000 Watch the Dodge Ram roll down the road.

02:36:19.000 You look like the coolest Dodge Ram.

02:36:22.000 People be running around saying, hey, mister, can I shake your hand?

02:36:26.000 Or maybe even shake your pee-pee.

02:36:29.000 The all-new Dodge Ram.

02:36:32.000 Gets you from point A to point who knows what.

02:36:34.000 They got the Jebby song singing.

02:36:37.000 Well, they got the wrong song.

02:36:40.000 Got the wrong car.

02:36:41.000 The wrong song.

02:36:42.000 Wrong car, wrong song.

02:36:43.000 Guys.

02:36:44.000 Sam Elliott, what's happening, Damon?

02:36:46.000 I'm getting the point.

02:36:47.000 It's the all-new Dodge Ram.

02:36:51.000 Watch it fiercely conquer all sorts of road and off-road to ramp.

02:36:56.000 You know, it's funny.

02:36:56.000 It's a really good ad for that car.

02:37:00.000 It's really tackling some serious shit. 0.99

02:37:03.000 Yeah, for real. 0.98

02:37:04.000 They don't make them like they used to anymore.

02:37:06.000 No, sir.

02:37:07.000 That's for sure.

02:37:08.000 Next call.

02:37:09.000 We got Jake. 1.00

02:37:10.000 Jake, you're on the motherfucking mind, bitch. 1.00

02:37:13.000 Hey, baby. 1.00

02:37:15.000 Hi, girl.

02:37:17.000 Hi, how are you?

02:37:18.000 Great.

02:37:19.000 What's going on?

02:37:21.000 I had a question about classwork.

02:37:24.000 So what do you do when your kids don't do their assignments?

02:37:29.000 Because I've got two and I get so sick and tired of having to go through the whole rigmarole of like, did you do your assignment?

02:37:38.000 Blah, blah, blah. 0.99

02:37:39.000 And like, I'm so sick of like having to get on their ass about grades and stuff. 0.98

02:37:45.000 So what do you do about that? 1.00

02:37:47.000 Well, you got to be a cunt. 1.00

02:37:49.000 You got to be a bitch. 1.00

02:37:52.000 You know, you can't be friends with your kids when they're young and when they're old. 1.00

02:37:56.000 You got to choose young or old. 1.00

02:37:59.000 And if you're homeschooling and you're getting involved with your kids' lives, you got to be a fucking bitch. 1.00

02:38:06.000 And by the way, you are like sent from God to come on this show tonight because I've been arguing with my daughter and my son recently where I've been being too nice and reject regretting it. 1.00

02:38:29.000 I don't know why I can't say the word regretting.

02:38:32.000 But yeah, you've got to get tough and get mean and say, we're doing this.

02:38:39.000 This is the card, this yellow card.

02:38:41.000 We have to do this now.

02:38:43.000 Get mean.

02:38:45.000 And I too got to get mean with my kids.

02:38:48.000 Are you grounding them for their phone?

02:38:49.000 Because that's what I have to do.

02:38:51.000 And I'm telling you right now that those kids, once they get grounded from their phone, they're like, oh my God, I actually see the light and I see like how great it is to be with family.

02:39:01.000 And I freaking hate phones.

02:39:03.000 I'm so done with it.

02:39:04.000 I just don't know what to do, man.

02:39:07.000 We do screen-free Tuesdays.

02:39:10.000 We call it Amish Tuesdays. 0.97

02:39:12.000 All of a sudden, I meet my kids.

02:39:14.000 I never met them.

02:39:15.000 I haven't seen them in six days.

02:39:18.000 We talk, we watch movies, we have a great time.

02:39:21.000 Tuesdays is heaven in our house. 0.99

02:39:26.000 Then why are we doing this shit about phones? 0.99

02:39:29.000 I'm so fucking sick of it. 1.00

02:39:30.000 Yeah, you're so right. 1.00

02:39:32.000 You have to get them off the fucking phone. 0.99

02:39:35.000 You have to sit them down and say, listen, that's not homework. 1.00

02:39:38.000 This is homework.

02:39:39.000 And if they bring home a B minus, legit.

02:39:42.000 You have to get up. 0.99

02:39:44.000 You have to say, what the fuck is this? 1.00

02:39:46.000 And you're fucking throwing around. 1.00

02:39:50.000 He's right. 0.99

02:39:50.000 All right, thanks for calling. 0.99

02:39:52.000 Thank you. 0.99

02:39:53.000 Fuck. 1.00

02:39:56.000 All right, let's wind it down, folks. 1.00

02:39:58.000 We're 20 minutes past this.

02:40:01.000 We have three more.

02:40:06.000 St. Pat's.

02:40:08.000 Hey, fellas. 0.59

02:40:09.000 How you doing, guys?

02:40:11.000 Hey, man.

02:40:13.000 Hey, I'm doing well.

02:40:14.000 I had a question.

02:40:16.000 So, per your advice, I got my wife pregnant, and the baby's due here in like a month and a half.

02:40:21.000 Nice congratulations.

02:40:23.000 Thank you so much.

02:40:24.000 I really appreciate that.

02:40:26.000 But I got fired from my job about a month ago.

02:40:29.000 I got a new job already, but I got to go to North Carolina for training in June.

02:40:36.000 So this will be about a month after my baby's born.

02:40:38.000 Is that like a big deal?

02:40:40.000 Am I going to miss a lot?

02:40:42.000 How long is the training? 1.00

02:40:43.000 You don't miss shit. 0.99

02:40:44.000 A month? 1.00

02:40:44.000 No one cares. 1.00

02:40:46.000 It sucks, takes whatever. 0.99

02:40:49.000 It's whatever. 0.99

02:40:50.000 Okay, cool.

02:40:51.000 Because it's just detailing cars.

02:40:53.000 So I don't know.

02:40:54.000 They got to teach me how to detail cars like extra good ones.

02:40:57.000 Yeah, you're good.

02:40:58.000 Thanks for calling.

02:40:59.000 Nothing weird.

02:41:01.000 Nothing weird at all.

02:41:03.000 Okay, last thing.

02:41:04.000 Okay.

02:41:06.000 January 6th, 515.

02:41:10.000 Hey, let me tell you why your opinion on Ashley Babbitt is completely inconsistent. 0.85

02:41:16.000 You know, she was acting like a nigga just like on BLM and all those riots. 1.00

02:41:20.000 You know, she runs up to this police officer and she jumps the barricade. 0.97

02:41:25.000 What do you expect the guy to do if she gets past? 0.99

02:41:28.000 Just say, wave her, say goodbye, go nuts. 0.96

02:41:31.000 I mean, people were yelling, hang Mike Pence. 0.99

02:41:34.000 People were hitting police officers with sticks. 0.96

02:41:37.000 I mean, it was just a, it was a bunch of white people acting like Dindus. 0.98

02:41:40.000 And so if she jumps the barrier, you let her go.

02:41:43.000 And then what?

02:41:44.000 The next guy jumps?

02:41:45.000 The next guy jumps?

02:41:46.000 No, you can't stop it.

02:41:48.000 All right.

02:41:48.000 So why did Derek Chauvin, who reacted the same way to the equal amount of Dindu, got 20 years in prison?

02:41:58.000 And the black officer who shot Ashley Babbitt is a hero. 0.71

02:42:03.000 And he's known in the media as the guy who saved lives. 0.94

02:42:08.000 Because our justice system has AIDS. 0.98

02:42:10.000 It's clown world. 0.97

02:42:12.000 I'm not saying that she should have Chauvin shouldn't have got or should have been put in prison. 0.63

02:42:20.000 I'm saying the correct thing to think is that they were both wrong.

02:42:25.000 They were both rioting. 0.98

02:42:27.000 They were both criminals. 0.98

02:42:29.000 I'm sorry.

02:42:31.000 Agreed, you're right.

02:42:32.000 You're right.

02:42:33.000 Thanks for calling.

02:42:35.000 Good point.

02:42:37.000 All right, can we wrap this up?

02:42:39.000 I have AIDS.

02:42:40.000 There's two more, but we can be done whenever you want.

02:42:43.000 Hey, I still like your new sunglasses.

02:42:45.000 Thanks, man.

02:42:47.000 Yeah, did I get cut off when I got denied at the border?

02:42:51.000 Wait, have you had more than one call?

02:42:53.000 Yeah, I thought I got cut off.

02:42:55.000 Did I get cut off? 1.00

02:42:56.000 I'll fuck off. 1.00

02:42:57.000 Go to bed. 1.00

02:42:57.000 You're drunk anyways, right? 1.00

02:42:59.000 All right, we'll take that.

02:43:00.000 I'm drunk, but I'm not like...

02:43:02.000 Forget you called before.

02:43:04.000 Not coherent.

02:43:05.000 Yeah, well, sorry.

02:43:08.000 This guy's been waiting for 20 minutes.

02:43:10.000 I want to make sure we get to.

02:43:11.000 Here we go.

02:43:11.000 Friends, Crazy Ex-Wife, 6'10, you're online.

02:43:16.000 Hey, man.

02:43:17.000 So I was...

02:43:18.000 By the way, can I interrupt you?

02:43:21.000 Sure.

02:43:22.000 I hereby predict this question will be a huge head scratcher, and we will all have trouble coming up with the solution.

02:43:33.000 Go ahead, sir.

02:43:38.000 It's not a question.

02:43:40.000 It's a little anecdote.

02:43:41.000 I have a story to tell.

02:43:42.000 So I was at a family function, and I said something about, I mentioned your name.

02:43:48.000 Then someone else who was there, like a friend of someone who was there, looked at me and they said, oh, the bird which is the, and I was like, the bald eagle.

02:43:56.000 And he's like, oh.

02:43:58.000 So I had a connection. 0.94

02:43:59.000 I was like, oh, this guy's a baby monster.

02:44:02.000 So I started chatting with this guy.

02:44:03.000 And I'm like, hey, you know, come out to my local.

02:44:07.000 I'm going out there Tuesday night.

02:44:09.000 We sit down.

02:44:09.000 We have a great time.

02:44:10.000 Where is this?

02:44:12.000 I apparently know this guy.

02:44:14.000 And I get into a conversation.

02:44:16.000 Where is this?

02:44:16.000 And he starts talking about this.

02:44:17.000 What city is this?

02:44:19.000 What?

02:44:20.000 What city is this?

02:44:23.000 I'm outside of Philadelphia, like Philadelphia suburbs.

02:44:26.000 Okay.

02:44:27.000 I don't want to get too specific.

02:44:29.000 I don't want to blow the guy's spot up.

02:44:33.000 So he starts talking about, like, I'm like, so what's your deal, man?

02:44:36.000 Because at the event, I have four kids.

02:44:39.000 He sees my whole situation.

02:44:41.000 I'm like, yeah, I'm married.

02:44:42.000 I got four kids.

02:44:43.000 I'm 37.

02:44:44.000 And he's the same age, but he's got an ex-wife.

02:44:47.000 I'm like, ex-wife, let's talk about it.

02:44:49.000 This has to be a fascinating conversation. 0.72

02:44:51.000 Then he starts talking about how he's married to this girl who's a crazy, you know, he says, you know, he's a teacher.

02:45:02.000 And he marries one of his students who's an exotic dancer.

02:45:11.000 And the reason I'm telling this story, I know he's listening, so I can't wait till the next time I see this guy.

02:45:17.000 I won't use his real name.

02:45:18.000 Let's call him Pat.

02:45:21.000 Let's call him Color. 1.00

02:45:24.000 I marry my former student, and then everything goes to shit. 1.00

02:45:28.000 She goes crazy. 1.00

02:45:30.000 Like, crazy, like she's like taking down doors in the house with a power drill, like in the middle of the night, starts unscrewing all the doors off of the hinges.

02:45:44.000 And he's like, yeah, so I had to get a restraining order.

02:45:47.000 And part of me was like, a restraining order?

02:45:50.000 Like, you're a man.

02:45:51.000 Like, why do you need to get a restraining order against your wife? 1.00

02:45:55.000 She's attacking me. 0.66

02:45:59.000 So then the conversation goes on.

02:46:02.000 And I'm like, all right, so keep going.

02:46:04.000 Like, what are her parents like?

02:46:06.000 What's her family like?

02:46:07.000 And he's like, well, all of her brothers say that, you know, I'm crazy to marry her.

02:46:11.000 I should break up with her.

02:46:12.000 I'm like, okay, yeah, yeah.

02:46:13.000 How about her parents?

02:46:16.000 And he goes, well, that's a good question.

02:46:18.000 Her dad.

02:46:19.000 What?

02:46:20.000 That's a good question.

02:46:21.000 That's a good angle.

02:46:23.000 Yeah.

02:46:24.000 And I say, what about her parents?

02:46:28.000 What are her parents like?

02:46:29.000 You must have met her parents, right?

02:46:30.000 He's like, well, her dad died when she was five. 1.00

02:46:33.000 I'm like, oh, shit, that's crazy. 1.00

02:46:37.000 And he's like, yeah, he was stabbed at a barbecue. 1.00

02:46:43.000 And so I go, wait, was your ex-wife black? 0.97

02:46:49.000 Because white people don't get stabbed at barbecue. 0.98

02:46:51.000 No, it would be a cookout. 0.94

02:46:56.000 So then everything starts making sense. 0.69

02:46:58.000 It's like, oh, you married, so wait, you married someone who was younger than you, who is a black stripper, whose dad died when she was five, who was stabbed at a barbecue. 0.85

02:47:12.000 God knows why. 0.92

02:47:13.000 And by the way, Pat, I'm sure you're listening.

02:47:16.000 I know Pat.

02:47:17.000 That's not his real name.

02:47:18.000 But this story, it was just, I could talk for another 20 minutes about this.

02:47:24.000 It was just so fascinating.

02:47:26.000 And here's, I want to say this.

02:47:27.000 It's one of the things you said, Gavin.

02:47:29.000 Talk to people.

02:47:30.000 Get to know people.

02:47:32.000 It's so fascinating, like, to dig into actual humanity and get to know people's real struggles and real problems.

02:47:41.000 It's illuminating and it's life.

02:47:47.000 It's why we're here to live and learn and to talk and to revel in each other's sorrow.

02:47:56.000 This is the best thing.

02:47:56.000 We're here to storytell.

02:47:58.000 Thanks for calling.

02:47:59.000 I appreciate it.

02:48:00.000 Yeah, we're here to convey experiences.

02:48:04.000 And apparently, this guy's friends did not experience a good turn of events, but we have turned a good turn of events by constantly repeating our experiments.

02:48:24.000 And we are here in the Bronx hanging out at our home bar with Maddie Odell and Ryan Katzu Rivera.

02:48:34.000 We're going to sit here doing shots after we leave.

02:48:39.000 But the moral story tonight is, folks, keep experimenting.

02:48:43.000 Keep talking to people.

02:48:45.000 Keep trying to figure out what's going on around us because the media is lying to you.

02:48:53.000 They are not being honest.

02:48:56.000 Do not look at the New York Post.

02:48:58.000 Do not look at the New York Times.

02:49:00.000 Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.

02:49:11.000 As I was going over the farm in Carey Mountains, I met with Captain Farrell and his money he was counting.

02:49:26.000 I first produced my pistol, then produced my rapier, saying, Sail in the river, all of you are the bold deceiver.

02:49:40.000 My sire, rabbaroo, rabbara.

02:49:45.000 Whack for the daddy, whack for my daddy. 1.00

02:49:51.000 Oh, it's whiskey in the jar.

02:49:57.000 I counted his money.

02:50:01.000 It was a pretty penny.

02:50:04.000 I put it in my pocket and I took it home to Jenny.

02:50:12.000 She sighed and she swore she'd never, never would deceive me.

02:50:19.000 But the devil take that moment for it can never be that easy.

02:50:26.000 My siren dama do dama da whack for my daddy oh whack for my daddy oh and through his key in the jar And it's all for me grog,

02:52:00.000 wear army boots Me no get no get boots They're all round the beer and tobacco You see soles were getting thin and the uppers netting in And the heels are looking out for better weather And it's all for me grock me jolly jolly grock All for me be rento And I spent a bomb me tin with my lassie drinking tin And I'm if I'm ready,

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - March 18, 2022

GOML LIVE #140

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