Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes


GOML LIVE #140 - HAPPY ST. PAT'S (Part 1)


Summary

Gavin McInnes talks about his experience with St. Patty's Day and how he got dumped by a good friend because of Proud Boys and Trump. He also talks about why he thinks John Glazer should be castrated and why he doesn t care that his daughter has a black daughter. And he talks about how he doesn't care that Derek Beckles has a daughter with a white wife and a black son. And how he thinks it's a good idea to not bring your black daughter to a family vacation because she's gross. And why he's not a fan of Jon Glazer's daughter. And he thinks Derek is a douchebag for having a black wife and having an African-American daughter. It's a fun, unscripted, and unfiltered look at what it's like to grow up in a racist, bigoted America. And it's not even close to as funny as he makes it out to be on this episode of Get Off My Lawn. Get off my Lawn! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. If you like what you hear, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts! Subscribe, rate, and tell a friend about what you think of the show! and/or share it on whatever platform you're listening to this podcast! if you're a podcaster, share it with a friend, and spread the word to your friends and family about it! Thanks for listening and sharing it to everyone else! Timestamps! XOXO, Matty xoxo, Matt & Matty xxx XO, Caitie - - The Podchick - This episode is out on Anchor. - Alyssa and Sarah - Caitie - The Vaginaist - Gavyn - Pizzazz - JUICY, - BONUS EPISODES? - MURDERED, GRAVY, BABY CHEESE, GABY, GOULDY, JAYE, GORDON, GARRELL - CHEY, AND KELLY, SONGS, MALAYE - DADDY, RYAN, COURAGE, JOSIE, KAYLEE, KAREN, AND AYO, BOBBY, JAMIE, AND GRAFFY, CAYO, MAYO AND KEVIN


Transcript

00:00:13.000 Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes!
00:00:37.000 That reminds me of my good friend Sarah Egan.
00:01:10.000 Who dumped me.
00:01:12.000 Because of Proud Boys and Trump.
00:01:15.000 And it hurt my feelings.
00:01:18.000 No it didn't, actually.
00:01:19.000 I was just like, that's fucking retarded.
00:01:22.000 I'm drunk.
00:01:24.000 We're doing St.
00:01:25.000 Patty's Day.
00:01:27.000 Drunk as a skunk.
00:01:29.000 Matty, are you drunk?
00:01:31.000 Pretty well in the bag, yep.
00:01:34.000 Pretty while in the bag.
00:01:36.000 Pretty well deep in the bag.
00:01:38.000 Be well deep in the bank.
00:01:44.000 Sarah was like a very close friend to me.
00:01:49.000 Sarah Egan.
00:01:50.000 She does like horror makeup.
00:01:52.000 She works on SNL.
00:01:53.000 She does like makeup for SNL.
00:01:57.000 And we were always close.
00:02:00.000 And then the Trump thing happened and she dumped me.
00:02:04.000 And I can't remember what I sent her.
00:02:06.000 I was like, hey, look at this thing.
00:02:09.000 It's a monster that has zits.
00:02:13.000 How would you do that with your technology?
00:02:15.000 Whatever.
00:02:16.000 And she didn't respond.
00:02:17.000 I went, oh, wait.
00:02:19.000 Are you dumping me too?
00:02:22.000 Because of the incident that happened, which was Trump?
00:02:27.000 And she didn't respond.
00:02:28.000 Ghosted ya.
00:02:29.000 And then I went, oh, what's your biggest beef with me?
00:02:33.000 That I want blacks to go back to Africa?
00:02:37.000 Or that I don't think the Holocaust happened?
00:02:41.000 Again, no response.
00:02:42.000 I also had this fucking babysitter, Katie Shadowins,
00:02:48.000 We were like two peas in a pod.
00:02:52.000 Totally raunchy jokes.
00:02:54.000 Oh my god the jokes we told.
00:02:57.000 We were rude bitches.
00:03:02.000 And, uh, you know, when all this shit went down pre-Trump, we were like, ha ha ha, what a bunch of fucking losers.
00:03:09.000 And she was the best babysitter, best nanny, best whatever you call her, au pair, for my kids.
00:03:15.000 My kids loved her.
00:03:17.000 Fantastic woman.
00:03:18.000 Katie Shadowins.
00:03:20.000 Awesome.
00:03:22.000 And then one day, nope, because of Trump,
00:03:27.000 And it's weird because I'll text her and I'll go, Hey, I'm here with my daughter.
00:03:31.000 It's her birthday.
00:03:32.000 And she'll go, happy birthday to your daughter.
00:03:35.000 And I'll go, okay.
00:03:39.000 I don't have AIDS.
00:03:40.000 What about me?
00:03:42.000 No reaction.
00:03:44.000 I thought that was a great dishonor to her and to her family.
00:03:49.000 It's so weird with these people.
00:03:51.000 I totally understand if it was pedophilia and I would support it.
00:03:57.000 If you have a bunch of pals and you want to suck a kid's dick, by all means, you should be ostracized.
00:04:08.000 And castrated.
00:04:09.000 I was going to say circumcised and that would have rhymed.
00:04:14.000 Let's just say killed.
00:04:15.000 Let's just say killed.
00:04:17.000 The world would be a better place.
00:04:19.000 Decapitation.
00:04:20.000 No breathing.
00:04:22.000 But it's funny, it's funny that, like, you lose, like, when you become, like, the national divorce, right, with Trump, you understand that you lose, like, your radical friends.
00:04:33.000 But then you lose friends that are not radical at all.
00:04:37.000 Like John Glazer.
00:04:41.000 I consider him an apolitical friend of mine.
00:04:44.000 He has a black daughter.
00:04:45.000 I clearly didn't care, right?
00:04:50.000 He's an interesting guy too.
00:04:51.000 That sucks.
00:04:52.000 I didn't go on vacation with him and be like, yeah, uh, when we go on vacations, can you not bring, bring your black daughter?
00:05:01.000 She's gross.
00:05:04.000 She's like, I don't like that.
00:05:11.000 He got popular lately because he did this weird series.
00:05:14.000 First he did Delocated.
00:05:16.000 And then I think he did this weird thing, an alternate reality thing.
00:05:21.000 It's called Something Daddy.
00:05:23.000 And he did these creepy videos where there's like secret messages in it.
00:05:26.000 So he had a just a very recent like revival of his popularity.
00:05:32.000 I would say despite John Glazer stabbing me in the back.
00:05:37.000 And this represents Derek Beckles too.
00:05:41.000 Two of the funniest human beings on earth.
00:05:46.000 Unbelievably talented.
00:05:47.000 Sprinkles dudes.
00:05:48.000 They have the sprinkles.
00:05:51.000 Very funny.
00:05:53.000 Am I going to be able to fucking maintain a two hour show this wasted?
00:05:59.000 I think you're doing good so far.
00:06:00.000 I don't know about that.
00:06:02.000 And I'm dead sober so it is.
00:06:05.000 You're sober?
00:06:06.000 Yep.
00:06:06.000 Well, I'm having, um, I decided because it's a festive thing.
00:06:11.000 I'm having the green lemon lime ZOA in a pint glass.
00:06:14.000 You're blurry, dude.
00:06:15.000 You're blurry in a pint glass.
00:06:18.000 You're blurry.
00:06:22.000 You're blurry.
00:06:22.000 I'll have to click.
00:06:25.000 How can you not figure out your job?
00:06:27.000 There we go.
00:06:29.000 There we go.
00:06:30.000 Now you're clear.
00:06:30.000 Now you're clear.
00:06:31.000 So this is a lemon lime ZOA.
00:06:33.000 I got the green tie.
00:06:34.000 We're rocking it.
00:06:36.000 All right.
00:06:37.000 Um, let's call my dad.
00:06:40.000 I was thinking about my son and how much he does not like me anymore because he's a teenager and he's being a dick.
00:06:48.000 Um, and I thought let's, cause I didn't like my dad for 10 years.
00:06:55.000 I'm going to pretend I don't like him anymore.
00:06:59.000 What about that idea?
00:07:02.000 That's a good idea.
00:07:03.000 Yeah.
00:07:03.000 Let's call him and let's be like, fuck you, dad.
00:07:07.000 What do you think?
00:07:11.000 Big Jim McGuinness.
00:07:15.000 Ryan can't do it cause his dad's gone.
00:07:18.000 And Maddie can't do it cause his dad's dead.
00:07:20.000 Yeah.
00:07:24.000 That leaves one of us.
00:07:25.000 Hi mom.
00:07:30.000 I'm okay.
00:07:30.000 I'm good.
00:07:31.000 I'm going through some stuff in my life right now.
00:07:41.000 Well, I hope you guys don't take this the wrong way, but I met this 72 year old named Johnny Blaginis.
00:07:54.000 Bla Guinness.
00:07:55.000 He's Serbian.
00:07:56.000 And he's the best guy.
00:07:58.000 He's a huge mentor to me.
00:08:01.000 He's a huge inspiration.
00:08:04.000 And I thought, as I meet this guy, I thought, maybe it's time to cut the cord with, you know, some loose ends that are not inspiring me.
00:08:17.000 Yeah, hold on.
00:08:18.000 I'm trying to put you on speaker.
00:08:22.000 OK, well, you're on speaker.
00:08:27.000 Okay, you're on speaker, honey.
00:08:31.000 Hi, honey.
00:08:33.000 Hi.
00:08:33.000 Sorry about that, but Dad and I were trying to listen.
00:08:38.000 I'm in bed with this strange guy called Jimmy McInnes.
00:08:43.000 I just picked him up today on St.
00:08:45.000 Paddy's Day.
00:08:46.000 You know, he was drunk.
00:08:47.000 Pathetic.
00:08:52.000 So I met this senior citizen named, well, we don't need to get into what his name is, but he's a carpenter and he's showing all these cool, like, things with his trade, like, you know, sanding down these oak trees and building a bookshelf.
00:09:11.000 Like, he's an incredible guy.
00:09:14.000 He's 74 years old.
00:09:16.000 And I feel like he might be my new, I don't know, my new dad.
00:09:21.000 In a way.
00:09:23.000 And you're guru.
00:09:25.000 My guru?
00:09:28.000 Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
00:09:34.000 Because my actual dad has offered me nothing.
00:09:38.000 Nothing!
00:09:39.000 In the past... He certainly can't teach you anything about woodworking.
00:09:44.000 I think he built a shelf one that once fell down.
00:09:52.000 Let's cut the cord.
00:09:53.000 I, to be totally frank, I've been waiting for you guys to die.
00:09:56.000 So I thought I would get enough money to buy a vintage car.
00:10:00.000 And then I realized I have enough money on my own to buy a vintage car.
00:10:04.000 So let's cut the cord.
00:10:06.000 You probably have more money than us.
00:10:12.000 So I guess this is a goodbye call.
00:10:16.000 Oh, okay, honey.
00:10:18.000 Please don't rush it, because if this is our last conversation, I'd like it to be a little longer.
00:10:25.000 Listen, did you know your brother's getting married?
00:10:30.000 It's time for this shit.
00:10:36.000 That's it, huh?
00:10:38.000 I'm not talking to them.
00:10:39.000 Fuck them.
00:10:42.000 So anyway, tonight is Get Off My Lawn live.
00:10:49.000 We do an incredibly exciting pre Behind the Paywall show with Matty O'Dell.
00:10:57.000 Everybody, happy St.
00:10:58.000 Patrick's Day.
00:10:59.000 Normally we have Sylvia, but she fell down some stairs and she broke her hip.
00:11:06.000 So my Whack Pack has been hurt once again.
00:11:09.000 We lost Donovan Crip Daddy on Monday and Tuesday.
00:11:14.000 We lost Sylvia.
00:11:15.000 The only Whack Packer we have left is Maddie.
00:11:19.000 Somehow his heart is holding on.
00:11:21.000 Not for long.
00:11:24.000 No.
00:11:28.000 So what we do is we have it all free before 30 minutes in and then we cut you all off.
00:11:36.000 You can hear my drunken voice sounding, um, pretty drunk.
00:11:41.000 Dude, who are our sponsors?
00:11:44.000 Well, you have the paper.
00:11:46.000 Wait, what'd you do with the papers?
00:11:47.000 I don't want the papers.
00:11:48.000 Just tell me the sponsors.
00:11:50.000 Well, let's see.
00:11:50.000 I could find out quick.
00:11:52.000 Our ad sales guy says www dot.
00:11:57.000 Would you rather fuck your wife while staring at Maddie or Ryan?
00:12:03.000 Kate, let me just say something about would you rathers.
00:12:09.000 Stop affecting our immediate families and our lives with our wives.
00:12:16.000 It's weird.
00:12:17.000 It's, it's gay.
00:12:18.000 It's stupid.
00:12:18.000 It's boring.
00:12:20.000 It's like, would you rather suck your dad's dick or eat out your mom?
00:12:24.000 Yeah.
00:12:25.000 They're both horrible.
00:12:27.000 But anyway, other thing, we're going to be raising money on the live chats for Joe Biggs.
00:12:35.000 Yes.
00:12:36.000 Because Joe Biggs needs 80 grand.
00:12:39.000 He's going to the Supreme Court because he's innocent.
00:12:47.000 And this is going to be not the roughest transition ever, but he's a vet.
00:12:52.000 And he has a beard.
00:12:53.000 He's a vet.
00:12:54.000 And we have BeardVet as a sponsor.
00:12:58.000 We have BeardVet Coffee.
00:13:00.000 And BeardVet Coffee isn't just BeardVet Coffee.
00:13:02.000 And thank God these guys promote the show and show up to sponsor us.
00:13:09.000 BeardVet Coffee is also BeardVet Beard Grooming Materials.
00:13:15.000 Did you know that?
00:13:17.000 No, you didn't.
00:13:18.000 And if you apply to be a vet, now you're obviously buying coffee.
00:13:24.000 So why don't you buy the coffee from the people who support us, which is a hundred percent vet owned.
00:13:33.000 We do not have a sponsor that is not vet owned.
00:13:38.000 I don't know why.
00:13:40.000 BeardVet.com, promo code GAVIN, beard oils, beard grooming kits, beard grooming products.
00:13:50.000 It's incredible!
00:13:51.000 The oil smells so good and it makes me wish I had a beard, but I don't.
00:13:55.000 So, you lucky fucking people out there with beards, put it on your fucking thing.
00:14:00.000 It smells good.
00:14:02.000 This is the first commercial in history where a Japanese man has insulted the clientele of the product and said, fuck you, I wish I had a beard.
00:14:15.000 Yep.
00:14:16.000 That's never been done.
00:14:18.000 It's a little cuckish, but yeah, I do wish I had a beard so I could put lovely oils in it.
00:14:23.000 Wow.
00:14:23.000 It wouldn't stick in here.
00:14:25.000 What do you have?
00:14:26.000 What is that thing?
00:14:26.000 I don't even know.
00:14:28.000 Peach fuzz.
00:14:28.000 It's a weird band-aid.
00:14:31.000 Anyway, beardvet.com, promo code Gavin.
00:14:35.000 Thank you guys for promoting the show.
00:14:37.000 We appreciate it indefinitely.
00:14:39.000 We love you.
00:14:40.000 I like you more than a friend.
00:14:43.000 Yes.
00:14:44.000 Okay.
00:14:45.000 So, and Beard, oh we didn't do this last week, we're going to do it now.
00:14:48.000 Caller 1 and 2 are getting a free gift pack, I hate the word pack, from Sean and the BeardVat team tonight.
00:14:55.000 Thank you BeardVat.
00:14:57.000 You hate the word pack?
00:14:59.000 Yeah, and kit.
00:15:00.000 Pack and kit.
00:15:02.000 They just sound like weird ASMR words.
00:15:06.000 You get a prize pack.
00:15:09.000 Or you get your prize kit.
00:15:13.000 I don't like that.
00:15:13.000 I don't like it.
00:15:14.000 It's like... It sounds like splashing, like wet splashing or something.
00:15:20.000 I don't know.
00:15:21.000 Hate it.
00:15:22.000 You know what I mean, Matty?
00:15:24.000 Not particularly, but it's alright.
00:15:25.000 Okay, that's fine.
00:15:27.000 Well, we do have something exciting with Matty.
00:15:28.000 These are people who are supporting our show, and you don't like the particular vernacular of their prizes.
00:15:34.000 Well, it's actually our ad guy.
00:15:37.000 It's his fault yet again.
00:15:38.000 I mean, he's no stranger to having the blame be put on him, but he put the word pack in there.
00:15:45.000 All right.
00:15:47.000 So tonight, the live chats are for Joe Biggs.
00:15:54.000 Not John and Max, but Joe Biggs, who is sitting in a cell for a year because he dared to enter the Capitol, which is the worst thing imaginable.
00:16:09.000 How dare you?
00:16:10.000 How dare you enter the Capitol?
00:16:14.000 Why'd you do that?
00:16:18.000 So right there, you go to the live show on the browser, right under the live show.
00:16:24.000 There's that button.
00:16:25.000 Donate to read a message on air.
00:16:29.000 And then it'll pop up like so.
00:16:32.000 Okay.
00:16:33.000 Hey guys, please check my email.
00:16:35.000 Just got married.
00:16:37.000 Sent to the mailbag.
00:16:38.000 Also, Ryan, please send your workout routine for mad gains.
00:16:44.000 Interesting.
00:16:45.000 Okay.
00:16:53.000 Hey, you know what?
00:16:54.000 It's weird.
00:16:55.000 I used to love wearing house shoes, but now I love wearing flip-flops.
00:17:03.000 Ryan, what's the previous one?
00:17:04.000 Let's pull that up.
00:17:07.000 Oh, the previous email?
00:17:08.000 Yeah.
00:17:08.000 Just got married.
00:17:09.000 Lawrence.
00:17:10.000 It came in at 9 o'clock.
00:17:12.000 Okay.
00:17:13.000 It says, let's see, I can pull it up on screen here.
00:17:17.000 Try not to show any info though.
00:17:19.000 There we go.
00:17:20.000 We should bring a weight bench into this studio.
00:17:25.000 Yes.
00:17:25.000 That would rule.
00:17:28.000 How are you doing with your mantis shrimp research?
00:17:30.000 What's going on with that?
00:17:33.000 I just got a personal beta for myself, Betafish, so I'm getting back into the swing of things.
00:17:39.000 I looked at some of their Fluval tanks, which we have to get a very big one.
00:17:44.000 I don't think they had a big enough one there, but I'm going to check out some pet stores and do recon.
00:17:51.000 Did anything come out?
00:17:52.000 Computer, who is Ryan Katsu Rivera?
00:17:57.000 Here's something I found on the web.
00:18:00.000 According to BaltimoreSun.com, Rivera was the defensive coordinator for the Chicago Bears for three seasons before becoming the San Diego Chargers linebackers... Computer, stop!
00:18:10.000 That was my old life.
00:18:12.000 Computer, who is Ryan Katsu Rivera?
00:18:18.000 According to an Alexa Answers contributor, Matthew Mario Rivera is a successful American producer, reporter, and professor at New York University in New York City.
00:18:28.000 Producer?
00:18:28.000 Successful?
00:18:29.000 He's well known as the husband of Casey Hunt, a beautiful American NBC newscaster.
00:18:32.000 Casey Hunt.
00:18:34.000 Did that answer your question?
00:18:36.000 No, you suck, you're a stupid bitch.
00:18:39.000 Am I not Google-able?
00:18:40.000 That sucks.
00:18:41.000 She actually sobered me up.
00:18:48.000 Okay, I'm gonna go piss.
00:18:50.000 Ryan, you take a call.
00:18:52.000 Let's do this.
00:18:53.000 Alright, let's get the calls on.
00:18:54.000 First, we're gonna thank you for calling.
00:19:21.000 Okay.
00:19:23.000 We're gonna get these all set up.
00:19:27.000 See, Matty's mic is on.
00:19:29.000 Good stuff.
00:19:29.000 Yes, sir.
00:19:34.000 Okay, first call here.
00:19:39.000 307, you're on the line.
00:19:43.000 Hey, what's going on, caller?
00:19:44.000 307, you're on the line.
00:19:46.000 Hey, what's up?
00:19:46.000 What's going on, caller?
00:19:50.000 Not too much.
00:19:51.000 I'm just trying to get on the air.
00:19:52.000 What are you doing?
00:19:54.000 Talking to you on the air.
00:19:54.000 Is this Matt?
00:19:57.000 Yes it is.
00:19:59.000 Hey what's up man?
00:19:59.000 My name is Matt as well.
00:20:01.000 Oh nice, nice to meet you.
00:20:02.000 Not too much.
00:20:04.000 How's everything going today on St.
00:20:06.000 Patrick's Day?
00:20:08.000 You what now?
00:20:09.000 I said how's everything going today on the St.
00:20:11.000 Patrick's Day for you?
00:20:13.000 Oh pretty good, pretty good.
00:20:15.000 I'm about done with my drink and I'm about as
00:20:18.000 In the bag as Gavin is right now and I've got to work tomorrow.
00:20:25.000 Yeah, how's with you?
00:20:26.000 Where's the next episode of Shitty Kitchen?
00:20:28.000 Is that, is that this week?
00:20:30.000 Yeah, it'll be out either tomorrow or the next day.
00:20:33.000 I filmed it.
00:20:33.000 He said thanks for calling.
00:20:34.000 He got the fade.
00:20:36.000 But that does lead us into a good, that's a good point.
00:20:38.000 We filmed another Matty Shitty Little Kitchen.
00:20:41.000 And that's coming now.
00:20:42.000 I heard, can I just say something?
00:20:44.000 I heard it was so bad that it's actually getting scrapped.
00:20:48.000 No, that's not true at all.
00:20:50.000 I heard that it was so unfunny.
00:20:52.000 Who would scrap it?
00:20:54.000 I mean, you're the boss.
00:20:54.000 Um...
00:20:55.000 Are you scrapping it?
00:20:58.000 What the hell?
00:20:58.000 Yep.
00:20:59.000 Yeah, it's not airing.
00:21:02.000 What the fuck?
00:21:03.000 We worked really hard on that and I had to eat this.
00:21:05.000 Short-lived.
00:21:06.000 Short-lived.
00:21:07.000 Hey, and it's not taking anything away from Matty, but what I had to eat on this episode was horrendous.
00:21:14.000 Show us.
00:21:14.000 What do you mean?
00:21:16.000 I don't know if we want to spoil it yet.
00:21:18.000 Show it, show it.
00:21:19.000 You want to show a little sneak peek?
00:21:21.000 Yeah, sure.
00:21:22.000 Or it's cancelled.
00:21:23.000 I'm about to cancel it.
00:21:23.000 Okay, whoa.
00:21:25.000 Okay, easy.
00:21:26.000 I think we should kill Matty's Little Kitchen as a show.
00:21:29.000 I don't think you're... I think it's done.
00:21:31.000 You're not speaking with a clear mind.
00:21:33.000 You know what, it's done.
00:21:34.000 Tonight it's done.
00:21:35.000 So you don't want to see the clip?
00:21:37.000 I want to see the clip as a goodbye.
00:21:39.000 Goodbye?
00:21:40.000 For why we killed the show.
00:21:42.000 I don't know.
00:21:43.000 It seems like maybe this would save it.
00:21:45.000 So hopefully, Matty, this clip, this will be good.
00:21:50.000 Help it.
00:21:52.000 Sure!
00:21:53.000 Wolf.
00:21:56.000 I love hearing you go wolf.
00:21:57.000 Yeah, it's crappy.
00:22:00.000 Scoop up under it.
00:22:02.000 Get in there.
00:22:06.000 Now we won't spoil what's in it.
00:22:08.000 Nasty.
00:22:10.000 What's in it?
00:22:12.000 We gotta spoil, you gotta leave some.
00:22:13.000 It's not a spoiler.
00:22:15.000 No, no.
00:22:16.000 Say what's in it.
00:22:17.000 It's not a spoiler.
00:22:18.000 I'll name three ingredients that are in it.
00:22:20.000 Okay.
00:22:20.000 Okay.
00:22:22.000 Tuna fish, fucking Jack Link's beef jerky, and mustard.
00:22:29.000 I love, I love when people say fucking.
00:22:32.000 Fucking, yeah.
00:22:34.000 Fucking tuna fish.
00:22:38.000 Oh yeah.
00:22:39.000 Dude it is.
00:22:39.000 It's the real deal.
00:22:40.000 It was tough.
00:22:41.000 Well I was talking to Matty earlier at the bar and he said he had a bite of this and it catapulted him.
00:22:47.000 Yeah I saw his eyes change.
00:22:49.000 Back into his incarceration.
00:22:51.000 Instantly.
00:22:51.000 And he remembered being in prison.
00:22:53.000 Oh.
00:22:54.000 Magically.
00:22:55.000 Like you you went to a place I saw you you did this you went.
00:23:00.000 Yeah the whole texture taste and everything just I was just like wow oh my god.
00:23:04.000 You could feel the walls around you and shit?
00:23:07.000 Fantastic.
00:23:08.000 Yeah.
00:23:08.000 Wow.
00:23:10.000 Do you remember like every time, like this is what I was thinking, when you were crunching up one of the ingredients, the Cheetos, do you remember, because usually when you're doing something methodical, like if I'm cutting scallions, for instance, I'll think of one of the times I was cutting scallions at the old restaurant.
00:23:25.000 Did it bring you back to a specific time where you were bashing the Cheetos and crushing up the ingredients?
00:23:30.000 Yeah, I mean that we've made yeah, I made tons of those things not like just one occasion, but it was a daily routine Me on a second bunch of other people so detective shitty just said to an ex-con We made prison food with you while we were making the prison food did that bring you back to when you were in prison and
00:23:55.000 No.
00:23:56.000 The answer is yes.
00:23:57.000 No, specifically.
00:23:58.000 It's like, um, like when I was cutting scallions, I'd be listening to Opie and Anthony.
00:24:01.000 So I'd imagine like it's a hot day, you know, like the doors open to the restaurant.
00:24:06.000 So I'm getting a little bit of a breeze.
00:24:08.000 And I remember like a specific time listening to like a Louis C.K.
00:24:11.000 Boat story, cutting scallions, like a specific time.
00:24:16.000 No, not, I mean, it brought me back to being in Virginia, in CVRJ, Central Virginia Regional Jail.
00:24:22.000 Is that the only place you made this dish?
00:24:25.000 No, they've made them all over the place.
00:24:26.000 And what was the dish?
00:24:28.000 I mean, we used to call it a mash-up there in that particular jail, but other people call it a swole, a brick, a spread.
00:24:38.000 I mean, there's all different names.
00:24:40.000 The lighting has improved?
00:24:41.000 Yeah, depending on where you are geographically in the country, there's different names for stuff.
00:24:46.000 So you guys broke up a bunch of Cheetos and put them on some ramen noodles and poured hot water on them.
00:24:52.000 That's basically what this episode is going to be when we air it.
00:24:55.000 There's way more.
00:24:55.000 Similar.
00:24:56.000 There's a lot more other stuff in there, but yeah.
00:24:58.000 It's like 20 ingredients.
00:24:59.000 It's all the stuff you can get off Commissary that's available to you.
00:25:03.000 Like all the stuff.
00:25:05.000 Hey, Gav, you want to turn your mic on?
00:25:07.000 What do you mean?
00:25:08.000 For the colors.
00:25:09.000 Yeah, because we got Peachtree on the line.
00:25:15.000 Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
00:25:15.000 Hello, Peachtree.
00:25:15.000 Peachtree.
00:25:45.000 And you've called 18 times.
00:25:48.000 Hey, real quick, look, I know that I only get one thing.
00:25:48.000 I'll take it.
00:25:51.000 So the first thing isn't really a thing.
00:25:54.000 But, you know, I want to get myself a bird, which is the bald eagle tattoo on the front of the club.
00:26:00.000 So where can I find your guys?
00:26:05.000 Yeah, good question.
00:26:05.000 You know what?
00:26:06.000 We should make that available on the site.
00:26:09.000 Yeah.
00:26:10.000 I'm trying to get in the club.
00:26:12.000 We should put that on the site.
00:26:13.000 Because we're about to have a massive party in Orlando that is going to be at Censored.tv.
00:26:20.000 Apalooza.
00:26:22.000 Nice.
00:26:23.000 Matty and I will be there.
00:26:24.000 We're going to do the whole show.
00:26:26.000 It's going to be awesome.
00:26:27.000 And if you have this tattoo, you get in free.
00:26:31.000 Nice.
00:26:32.000 Hell yeah.
00:26:33.000 So we do need to make this.
00:26:36.000 You know.
00:26:38.000 Available.
00:26:38.000 Tattooable.
00:26:40.000 So we're on it, buddy.
00:26:40.000 Toots.
00:26:42.000 Thanks for calling.
00:26:43.000 We're gonna fucking fix that problem.
00:26:47.000 It's funny when you're drunk, you see yourself slurring and not handling problems and your brain is like coherent and you're like, get it together, shithead.
00:26:59.000 Like, I got this.
00:27:00.000 Seeing yourself as a third person.
00:27:03.000 Yeah, you're watching a drunken idiot.
00:27:11.000 Alright, we got another one on the line here.
00:27:14.000 Buggin619, you're on the line.
00:27:17.000 Hello!
00:27:19.000 What's going on?
00:27:20.000 What's up, 619?
00:27:23.000 What's up?
00:27:24.000 Tight lips do not sell!
00:27:27.000 Thank you.
00:27:31.000 That was great, Ryan.
00:27:32.000 Now, just a quick idea.
00:27:35.000 Ryan, you're kind of a genius.
00:27:37.000 Your fucking drops are gold.
00:27:39.000 Thanks.
00:27:39.000 And I thought maybe using Goad's idea of like the karaoke's with the face swaps if you did request to maybe earn some extra bucks for the show.
00:27:50.000 Good idea.
00:27:51.000 I haven't really thought it all the way through, but you know, you guys are pretty good with that stuff.
00:27:55.000 I thought that'd be a good idea for a lot of the callers here.
00:27:57.000 That's all.
00:27:58.000 Mashup impression songs.
00:27:59.000 Good idea.
00:28:01.000 All right, so let's go behind the paywall now.
00:28:05.000 Thank you very much, freeloaders, for checking in on Drunks on St.
00:28:11.000 Paddy's Day.
00:28:12.000 But we are now officially shutting down the thing.
00:28:20.000 You're done.
00:28:21.000 You're fucked.
00:28:23.000 You're in trouble.
00:28:24.000 You're toasted.
00:28:25.000 You're fired.
00:28:28.000 Did you like the Johnny Rebel thing this week?
00:28:31.000 Yeah, that mask was haunting.
00:28:36.000 I can't believe how many people told us that Johnny Rebel is a guy in America.
00:28:43.000 Can I pull that up real quick?
00:28:44.000 It's amazing.
00:28:45.000 It's shocking.
00:28:47.000 The email that we got from this gent.
00:28:50.000 Do you people have any idea that I never really truly fired Ryan?
00:28:57.000 Joe Tonelli never worked here.
00:29:03.000 We're familiar with Johnny Rebel.
00:29:07.000 Like you guys keep explaining our jokes.
00:29:11.000 It's all coming out now huh?
00:29:13.000 Yeah it's all a lie.
00:29:14.000 You know it was tough because I was on Dalton Clodfelter's show and he was like so the firing thing and I was like no it wasn't rehearsed you know but I had um we had planned to.
00:29:24.000 The brilliant thing about firing Ryan was Joe Tonelli only had one day off so we filmed his
00:29:31.000 Uh, Bits on Tuesday.
00:29:33.000 And then we also aired it on Thursday.
00:29:37.000 So, both of his experiences were filmed on the same day.
00:29:42.000 And when you saw him going, what?
00:29:45.000 Are you serious?
00:29:46.000 Come on, really?
00:29:47.000 He wasn't there.
00:29:49.000 That was fake.
00:29:51.000 It's true.
00:29:53.000 We tricked you.
00:29:56.000 So when you saw that guy reacting to me on the Thursday night, he was in White Plains on Thursday night.
00:30:04.000 He was not there.
00:30:06.000 Negative.
00:30:06.000 No.
00:30:08.000 So he was actually video drops.
00:30:12.000 And yes, when he was looking at his girlfriend it was actually Orion.
00:30:16.000 I'm not talking about that.
00:30:18.000 So I don't want to ruin all of the gags we do on the show, but come on for fuck's sakes.
00:30:26.000 Negative.
00:30:33.000 You know, it gave it away.
00:30:34.000 The little, we like Easter eggs.
00:30:35.000 And one of the Easter eggs was me clearly saying, no, no, no.
00:30:38.000 Say this at the end of one of those clips.
00:30:40.000 Well, I love people telling us who Johnny rebel is.
00:30:43.000 Oh my God.
00:30:44.000 Yeah.
00:30:44.000 Yeah.
00:30:44.000 That was great.
00:30:45.000 And they're like rebel.
00:30:46.000 Leber is rebel backwards.
00:30:48.000 Yeah.
00:30:49.000 It's also how Chinese people say L's and R's.
00:30:55.000 You fucking dummy.
00:30:57.000 He's very informative.
00:30:58.000 Like if we didn't know, this is a full summary of who that gentleman is.
00:31:01.000 Did a great job of that.
00:31:03.000 It's like the people telling us about the crazy hot matrix.
00:31:08.000 Like there's so many fucking zoomers on this show explaining to us the most basic things imaginable.
00:31:20.000 So do we send them off with the get fired and the music?
00:31:24.000 Yes.
00:31:24.000 All right.
00:31:25.000 So, goodbye freeloaders.
00:31:29.000 Hi.
00:31:30.000 I'm sorry I'm drunk.
00:31:32.000 I'm actually sorry Matty's so drunk.
00:31:34.000 Matty's much more drunk than me.
00:31:35.000 Yeah, I've been drinking since like one.
00:31:37.000 Look at him.
00:31:37.000 He holds it together so well.
00:31:38.000 Hey Matty, what's 8 times 8?
00:31:39.000 8 times 8?
00:31:40.000 72.
00:31:40.000 No, 64.
00:31:41.000 Yep.
00:31:41.000 See?
00:31:41.000 Wasted.
00:31:42.000 Never do math in public.
00:31:44.000 So... I agree.
00:31:50.000 Or in private.
00:31:51.000 I'm the only sober person here tonight.
00:31:55.000 But, uh, we have to shut it down anyway.
00:31:58.000 Because you guys are fucking... Oh, wait, wait, wait.
00:31:58.000 Shut it down.
00:32:01.000 Let me just explain something before we shut it down.
00:32:05.000 So, I was under the impression that I could have three different crews.
00:32:15.000 My boxing crew.
00:32:18.000 My Megadad crew.
00:32:21.000 And, uh, wait, what's the third?
00:32:27.000 Oh, duck in crew.
00:32:29.000 My, my local bar crew.
00:32:31.000 So, uh, I get wasted, whatever.
00:32:35.000 And then, um, today they go, we're going to go on a pub crawl.
00:32:41.000 So I go, that's awesome.
00:32:43.000 So I, I don't go out late last night.
00:32:47.000 Um, I got a good eight hours.
00:32:49.000 I, I spar.
00:32:51.000 Which to me means, like, sparring is like going to a spa.
00:32:58.000 Like, it's like doing hot yoga.
00:33:00.000 Like, you're ready to tackle the rest of the day if you spar.
00:33:04.000 Now, while I sparred, I got my ass handed to me.
00:33:09.000 I got fucking fucked up on the chin.
00:33:11.000 I actually did not like today very much at all.
00:33:15.000 Huey, uh, was very bad to me.
00:33:26.000 So I'm sitting here, I come back to the studio and I'm watching like Dave Wakefield and Stevie Jones jukebox and I watch a bunch of old punk stuff and Steve Jones is talking about mods and rockers and stuff which was the origin of the Proud Boys and I start getting in touch with who I am as a person and I'm like I'm a flamboyant dude, I'm a peacock.
00:33:55.000 I get it.
00:33:56.000 I get me.
00:33:57.000 So I stop waiting for the text from the boxer guys.
00:34:04.000 This is at like 1 p.m.
00:34:07.000 and I put on this stupid suit and I go to McLean Avenue in Yonkers.
00:34:17.000 And I go to Dusty somethings as the first bar.
00:34:22.000 Dirty Nelly's.
00:34:23.000 Dirty Nelly's.
00:34:25.000 I go to Dirty Nelly's and I'm there and I have a couple beers and I watch, you know, when you're alone at a bar, you're watching like fucking golf and basketball and you're like,
00:34:42.000 And, and McLean Avenue is very regional.
00:34:46.000 So they're not like, hello, where are you from, buddy?
00:34:49.000 Like, let's talk.
00:34:52.000 So I go, okay.
00:34:53.000 And I don't mind that by the way.
00:34:54.000 I don't need, I don't need love.
00:34:55.000 Um, and, and watching those old videos of the English beat and Pete Townsend and, and Stevie Jones had like reinstilled who I am as a person.
00:35:08.000 And I remembered that I like, like you subculture.
00:35:12.000 So I was like, this is who I am.
00:35:13.000 And I'm going to go to McLean Avenue alone and enjoy myself.
00:35:21.000 So then I go do that.
00:35:22.000 And then I, I pay my bill.
00:35:24.000 I have two buds and I can, and I go to Whistling Donkey.
00:35:30.000 And, uh, are you laughing?
00:35:34.000 Or me?
00:35:35.000 No, not Maddie.
00:35:37.000 No.
00:35:37.000 No!
00:35:38.000 I'm not laughing at all.
00:35:38.000 I don't think it's funny.
00:35:40.000 I almost was brought to tears.
00:35:43.000 Basically.
00:35:44.000 I mean, because what you're saying is you fundamentally, you know, grounded yourself and found out who you were again.
00:35:49.000 And it's like, well, sure, anybody can do that.
00:35:52.000 Read a book.
00:35:53.000 Read your own biography.
00:35:54.000 But I'd say you don't have the biography.
00:35:56.000 Well, it's like, what do you do?
00:35:57.000 It's like, well, you listen to music.
00:35:59.000 And music has the power.
00:36:00.000 I have a biography.
00:36:03.000 I have a book called Death of Cool.
00:36:04.000 That's my...
00:36:05.000 Yeah, not everybody has a book, Joe.
00:36:08.000 So, when you listen to me... Wait, why are you crying?
00:36:10.000 When you listen to music, it makes you feel like whole again.
00:36:15.000 Like there's some hope.
00:36:17.000 Like there's inspiration.
00:36:20.000 And that's what you did, and I think it's a beautiful thing.
00:36:22.000 Jordan, hold on.
00:36:22.000 I wasn't even remotely depressed.
00:36:25.000 I was just annoyed.
00:36:26.000 I know.
00:36:28.000 But I'm not crying because of sad things.
00:36:31.000 I cry because of happy things.
00:36:35.000 Like Joe Rogan.
00:36:36.000 Like Joe!
00:36:39.000 It's beautiful, really.
00:36:40.000 I didn't mean to cut you off, what were you saying?
00:36:50.000 So anyway um I go to the second bar now it's like 3 p.m.
00:36:56.000 so when I was sitting at the studio which is like three feet from here I thought I could work on my book I could do some stuff but I don't want to like start a two-hour project and then I get a call to go to McField and McLaren what's it called?
00:37:12.000 McLean.
00:37:13.000 McFuck.
00:37:15.000 Who are you McFuck?
00:37:19.000 So I go down there and I go, um, fuck you.
00:37:31.000 I hate you.
00:37:33.000 You said that to them?
00:37:34.000 Yeah.
00:37:36.000 Fuck you.
00:37:37.000 I hate you.
00:37:39.000 I did.
00:37:41.000 I went to two different bars.
00:37:43.000 I had three beers.
00:37:45.000 I watched a bunch of fucking footage from, um, various parades.
00:37:55.000 And let me tell you exactly what I said.
00:37:57.000 Okay.
00:37:58.000 You ready?
00:37:59.000 Yes.
00:38:00.000 We have footage of you entering the bar, by the way.
00:38:03.000 What you do?
00:38:04.000 Hello!
00:38:04.000 Okay.
00:38:06.000 So I go... I'm gonna send you this, Ryan.
00:38:09.000 Okay.
00:38:10.000 I'm sorry, that wasn't the footage.
00:38:11.000 This was the footage.
00:38:12.000 Good afternoon, guys!
00:38:17.000 Ryan, I actually don't like it when you're funnier than me on my show.
00:38:20.000 I am just... So let's have a, uh... Let's have a little, like, meter.
00:38:27.000 Let's cool it down.
00:38:28.000 Or you get like a...
00:38:31.000 Well, it's fitting that it's a meter, isn't it?
00:38:32.000 Because it's about me, not about you.
00:38:33.000 Otherwise, it'd be a uter.
00:38:35.000 Okay, so this is what I said.
00:38:37.000 I go, gotta love Ryan's pub crawls.
00:38:41.000 He really knows how to put a party together.
00:38:44.000 And then one of the people on the chat goes,
00:38:48.000 Where are you at?
00:38:49.000 What, you got your Sunday best on?
00:38:52.000 And then some stranger, I don't know his, I just see him as a number.
00:38:55.000 He's like, you know, I'll be in that area at seven.
00:38:58.000 Anyone still out?
00:38:59.000 And then he goes, Gavin, Uber to Rory Dollins.
00:39:06.000 And I go, no.
00:39:09.000 I go, I just did Dirty Nellies.
00:39:12.000 Now I'm at Whistling Donkey.
00:39:15.000 I had a great day so far watching parades.
00:39:18.000 And golf on TV.
00:39:20.000 And he's like, uh, dude, calm down where we are.
00:39:25.000 And I go, wait, you already started hanging out?
00:39:30.000 Oh, I go, thanks for the heads up.
00:39:32.000 Yeesh.
00:39:33.000 And he goes, I said, I'd text you after I'm done eating.
00:39:36.000 I go, I got a way better idea.
00:39:40.000 Why don't you go fuck yourself?
00:39:42.000 Damn.
00:39:45.000 And then I said it worse, because he's had a lot of shitty pub crawls that have sucked.
00:39:52.000 The first one was awesome.
00:39:53.000 We dressed up as the guys from, like, Peaky Blinders.
00:39:57.000 But the past, like, four, five have sucked shit.
00:40:01.000 So I go, I'm done with these shitty parties and half-assed plans.
00:40:06.000 Bye-bye.
00:40:09.000 And he's like, I'm waiting for you.
00:40:10.000 Blah, blah, blah.
00:40:17.000 Damn.
00:40:19.000 So was he hurt by that?
00:40:21.000 Who cares?
00:40:21.000 Wow.
00:40:25.000 So anyway, the moral of the story is, remember when you would fuck a bunch of chicks when you were single?
00:40:34.000 And you had like that tall Korean chick that you loved fucking but you had nothing in common with?
00:40:40.000 And you would try to fuck her like once every two weeks?
00:40:42.000 But if you didn't talk to her regularly via text, she'd like move on.
00:40:49.000 Mm-hmm.
00:40:50.000 So, I think what I learned today is you can't have like three crews.
00:40:59.000 I used to have my Mimerinec duck-in crew, my Magadad Larchmont crew, and my boxing crew.
00:41:10.000 I think it's naive to think you can have three kids and three crews.
00:41:14.000 I gotta amalgamate those.
00:41:17.000 I am done.
00:41:18.000 You're done?
00:41:18.000 I'm done.
00:41:20.000 Yeah.
00:41:21.000 That's me.
00:41:22.000 I'm done.
00:41:23.000 I'm done trying to have three crews.
00:41:26.000 Too much work.
00:41:27.000 It's too much work.
00:41:30.000 Like when you call, when you meet that girl that you fucked, that like tall Korean chick.
00:41:36.000 Yeah.
00:41:36.000 And you're like, Hey Liz, I want to fuck you again.
00:41:39.000 And she's like, I haven't seen you in three weeks, dude.
00:41:42.000 I haven't heard from you.
00:41:43.000 Not even a text.
00:41:44.000 I have a boyfriend now.
00:41:46.000 Goodbye.
00:41:47.000 Yeah, you're not the chick that you could just call at any time, put in no work.
00:41:51.000 Yeah.
00:41:52.000 Yeah, fuck that.
00:41:55.000 Wait, you sound like... Well, I like him too, but I don't know if I like him that much.
00:42:01.000 At any rate... I'm on your side.
00:42:03.000 Tonight was an abomination.
00:42:05.000 I'm done with my boxing crew.
00:42:07.000 I'm done with those guys.
00:42:08.000 I'm breaking up with them.
00:42:10.000 My crews are now my local bar and my MAGA dads.
00:42:16.000 Damn.
00:42:19.000 Well, they get what they frickin' deserve.
00:42:24.000 Call the police!
00:42:24.000 Get what you fuckin' deserve!
00:42:27.000 It hurts.
00:42:31.000 What the?
00:42:32.000 What was that?
00:42:32.000 Is that?
00:42:35.000 Hey computer, what's 8 times 7?
00:42:39.000 Oops.
00:42:42.000 I've never heard a woman be good at math before.
00:42:45.000 All right, so we're done.
00:42:46.000 We're going behind the paywall.
00:42:49.000 We're going to take live stream donations for exclusively Joe Biggs, who is in solitary confinement for daring to trespass on the Capitol.
00:43:04.000 We'll also answer letters and have a gay old time.
00:43:09.000 But as far as fucking
00:43:14.000 You know, freeloaders, goodbye.
00:43:17.000 Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
00:43:21.000 Nothing wrong with that.
00:43:24.000 Yeah, right?