Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - GOML LIVE #145

00:00:44.000 That was the Viagra Boys.

00:00:47.000 Ain't no thief.

00:00:49.000 Welcome back to Get Off My Lawn Live.

00:00:51.000 We're here with Maddie O'Dell, the ex-con from the ex-Biker Club, who was also not a thief.

00:00:59.000 No.

00:01:00.000 Never stole nothing.

00:01:04.000 Dealt drugs, murdered people.

00:01:07.000 No, I didn't murder people.

00:01:10.000 Put a lot of strangers in a whole lot of hurt, but never stole anything.

00:01:15.000 No.

00:01:16.000 Didn't you say once that when the cops were investigating a case and it was theft?

00:01:19.000 They went, yeah, that's not Matti Odell.

00:01:21.000 Yeah.

00:01:22.000 Let's drop it.

00:01:24.000 That was a home invasion.

00:01:27.000 Yeah, that's not.

00:01:29.000 That's not really his MO.

00:01:30.000 Home invasions are gay.

00:01:33.000 What are you going to get?

00:01:34.000 Pearls?

00:01:35.000 Ooh, some diamonds from her magic jewelry drawer?

00:01:39.000 Yeah, maybe 50 years ago.

00:01:41.000 People don't have shit anymore.

00:01:43.000 You could rob my whole house.

00:01:44.000 I'd say, thank you.

00:01:46.000 Thank you for emptying our home of my wife's fucking Native American salt and pepper shaker collection.

00:01:55.000 Every fucking day there's a new Amazon package.

00:02:00.000 Welcome back to Get Off My Lawn Live.

00:02:02.000 The first half hour is free to cheap people.

00:02:05.000 It's paid for by our sponsors.

00:02:07.000 I think we have a new sponsor today.

00:02:10.000 A brand Nubian.

00:02:15.000 What is it now?

00:02:17.000 FOP.

00:02:18.000 Let's try it here.

00:02:20.000 The FOP company.

00:02:21.000 Look up FOPMetals.com.

00:02:23.000 P-H-A-U-P.

00:02:25.000 FOP, of course, is a derogatory word for an English aristocrat, Ponce.

00:02:33.000 But in this case, it's the man's last name, and he's selling silver.

00:02:38.000 And selling silver, that was a hard sell, even like five years ago.

00:02:43.000 Now, selling precious metals is perfectly reasonable, and everyone's doing it.

00:02:49.000 I'm at the point now where I'm pro buying records, cassettes, vinyl, books.

00:02:57.000 Buy books.

00:02:58.000 Do not throw out books.

00:03:00.000 So this is a veteran-owned company.

00:03:03.000 And the reason I'm holding this coin in my hand here is to show you that it's not BS and this really exists.

00:03:09.000 I've got the silver here.

00:03:10.000 Constance is this particular coin.

00:03:13.000 One Troy ounce, $999 fine silver.

00:03:17.000 I mean, you shouldn't put your entire life savings into precious metals, but wouldn't it make sense to have a little bit here?

00:03:24.000 So this is a $31 coin, $30.99.

00:03:29.000 Five years ago, it was about $14.

00:03:31.000 Really?

00:03:32.000 Yeah.

00:03:33.000 So me and Uncle Bill used to trade a lot of silver and gold.

00:03:37.000 You and Unreliabil.

00:03:39.000 Yeah.

00:03:40.000 We had a little thing going on with the Chinese.

00:03:44.000 Ooh, the Chinese.

00:03:47.000 This was five years ago?

00:03:48.000 How long are you doing Bill?

00:03:51.000 What's this?

00:03:52.000 2022?

00:03:55.000 13, 7, 9 years?

00:03:58.000 Huh.

00:04:00.000 So the FOP company, veteran-owned, we're showing the website here.

00:04:06.000 It's Lowland Scottish.

00:04:08.000 Terrible name, says he.

00:04:11.000 But it is his name.

00:04:12.000 Speaking of Scottish, we've got the Scottish national team.

00:04:16.000 The Scottish national boxing team is in New York right now, wandering around the East Village.

00:04:21.000 There you go.

00:04:23.000 Let's give them a call.

00:04:25.000 These guys have been out kicking the shit out of people in L.A. They're getting ready for the World Championships.

00:04:31.000 Sorry, European Championships, I guess.

00:04:36.000 Let's make sure they're safe.

00:04:39.000 They're fighting on the East Coast?

00:04:42.000 Yeah.

00:04:43.000 They're going to be sparring tomorrow.

00:04:45.000 Hello.

00:04:46.000 Here is your airbag man.

00:04:48.000 Is everything all right?

00:04:49.000 Did you make it to the junkies place down the road?

00:04:53.000 We're all good, my man.

00:04:54.000 We're in the pub 169 now.

00:04:56.000 I says, you're still at 169.

00:04:58.000 Is that alright?

00:04:59.000 Because that's...

00:05:00.000 Oh, this guy for Suther.

00:05:02.000 That's Suta.

00:05:03.000 I'm going to speak.

00:05:04.000 Speak to the security boy.

00:05:06.000 That's my friend.

00:05:07.000 All right.

00:05:08.000 Hear you.

00:05:10.000 Hear you.

00:05:11.000 You're knowing.

00:05:12.000 You're knowing the Lord East Side.

00:05:13.000 You're in fucking Chinatown, by the way.

00:05:15.000 Hey, listen.

00:05:16.000 If you're going to come to this tomorrow, you're going to behave yourself, man.

00:05:24.000 Let me tell you something.

00:05:25.000 I got Babylon closing in on me.

00:05:28.000 Don't try to vex me so.

00:05:32.000 Blood clutch.

00:05:36.000 Oh, we also have a friend down south of the belt border named Captain Farts.

00:05:45.000 Captain Farts?

00:05:47.000 He had a good little doot did a loot doot.

00:05:50.000 So yeah, that's our new sponsor, veteran-owned.

00:05:55.000 That all counts as one big ad, by the way.

00:05:59.000 Right?

00:06:00.000 That's all part of their read.

00:06:02.000 I guess we have a promo code Gavin.

00:06:03.000 5% off with promo code.

00:06:05.000 That must be promo code Gavin.

00:06:07.000 Veteran-owned business.

00:06:08.000 Gird your loins.

00:06:11.000 You know, I got an interesting letter just to jump ahead here.

00:06:13.000 We're going to get to the mailbag.

00:06:15.000 But someone said, because we were talking about the meek shall inherit the earth on the compound censored show.

00:06:22.000 And they said, I know it sounds like the wimps will run everything soon, but meek in that context in Hebrew, the original Old Testament, means a sheathed sword.

00:06:37.000 So it kind of means us.

00:06:39.000 It kind of means patriarchs.

00:06:41.000 It kind of means guys like me and Maddie, and maybe 1% Ryan will be the ones who inherit the earth.

00:06:51.000 The powerful who hold it back and don't go ballistic like these psychotic libs.

00:06:56.000 Which totally changes the general interpretation of the expression because the general interpretation of the expression is the sad nerd in the corner will be the one who takes over when we all kill each other.

00:07:06.000 Yeah.

00:07:06.000 But it's not saying that.

00:07:08.000 I did not know the translation of meek from the Old Testament.

00:07:12.000 Well, some say the translation of virgin in the Quran with the 72 virgins is prunes.

00:07:20.000 Prunes.

00:07:22.000 What's that?

00:07:22.000 Say that again?

00:07:23.000 I'm not blowing myself up for prunes.

00:07:27.000 And to be totally fair, I'm not blowing myself up for virgins.

00:07:30.000 I fucked virgins when I was in high school.

00:07:33.000 It sucks.

00:07:35.000 I want a Puerto Rican divorced mom with long tits and bad tattoos and bunions.

00:07:44.000 Bunions.

00:07:45.000 Yeah.

00:07:46.000 Give me 92 Cardi B's.

00:07:49.000 We can talk.

00:07:50.000 That would be a fest.

00:07:51.000 Imagine that?

00:07:53.000 Holy shit.

00:07:55.000 So yeah, Viagra Boys, that's our new hit.

00:07:57.000 Ain't No Thief.

00:07:58.000 They got a new album out July 8th.

00:08:01.000 I want to get a little bit serious here for a second, and folks who are just listening to the audio will have to miss out on this.

00:08:09.000 But I saw something today that someone sent me about someone who works here.

00:08:15.000 And I want to say that what you're about to see does not represent censored TV.

00:08:22.000 It's certainly not who I am.

00:08:23.000 It's definitely not who Maddie is.

00:08:25.000 We regret that this happened.

00:08:29.000 We don't support it.

00:08:32.000 And we are definitely investigating.

00:08:34.000 We want to find out what happened, why Ryan did this, what his beef is with slugs.

00:08:42.000 And I want everyone to know that I had no idea this was going on.

00:08:46.000 And I'm going to make sure as hell you never see anything like this again.

00:08:52.000 Ryan, do you want to say that...

00:08:57.000 So this is Ryan Catsu Rivera throwing salt on a giant container of Wriggly slugs.

00:09:05.000 I mean, killing them.

00:09:08.000 Do you want to explain what you were doing there?

00:09:10.000 No.

00:09:12.000 This is fucking bullshit that my personal shit is aired on this fucking show.

00:09:18.000 Stupid.

00:09:19.000 Well, it was sent to me, so you're hurting our brand.

00:09:22.000 If you want to go murder...

00:09:23.000 Are those slugs or snails?

00:09:25.000 They're slugs.

00:09:26.000 If you want to murder slugs, you do that on your own time.

00:09:29.000 I literally did it on my own time.

00:09:30.000 I don't know how that footage surfaced.

00:09:32.000 I'm not okay with it.

00:09:33.000 It's being shown.

00:09:34.000 Show it again.

00:09:35.000 No.

00:09:35.000 Yes, show it again.

00:09:36.000 I want everyone to see this.

00:09:38.000 That's my personal career.

00:09:38.000 It's your personal down.

00:09:40.000 You're going to make me show myself.

00:09:41.000 You damage our brand.

00:09:42.000 I'm sitting here trying to be politically correct every day, trying to get vegans on board, and you're fucking murdering little tiny black snakes.

00:09:50.000 That's my food.

00:09:51.000 That's what me and my family eat.

00:09:53.000 It's not fodder for your show.

00:09:54.000 It's fooder from my family.

00:09:56.000 Oh, you were preparing a meal?

00:09:58.000 Yes.

00:09:59.000 Why else would they be in a pot?

00:10:01.000 Hmm.

00:10:02.000 I think I read about a guy who ate a slug on his salt.

00:10:04.000 Who sent this in?

00:10:05.000 And he died of some weird fungi.

00:10:08.000 No, that's if you don't cook them right.

00:10:10.000 Otherwise, they're just a delicious treat.

00:10:12.000 There's Ryan.

00:10:14.000 They'll escape if you don't put the...

00:10:15.000 Why are you making that face when you put the salt on?

00:10:18.000 I'm excited.

00:10:20.000 You seem worried, though, that it's going to splash.

00:10:24.000 You know that moment, like, when you're done making a sandwich and you press it down?

00:10:27.000 Yeah.

00:10:28.000 You can't wait?

00:10:29.000 This is me pressing a sandwich down after I'm done the sandwich.

00:10:33.000 Okay.

00:10:35.000 And this is the equivalent of me pushing the sandwich down.

00:10:38.000 You were like...

00:10:41.000 Yeah.

00:10:42.000 Yeah.

00:10:43.000 And when I saw this, I thought, maybe he should touch up his bangs and shit.

00:10:47.000 Because when it just hangs down there, it looks really bad.

00:10:53.000 Also in the news, my Mets bet is fucking on fire.

00:10:59.000 Oh, I. I'm kicking ass and taking names.

00:11:03.000 I'm at 625.

00:11:04.000 The New York Mets are the number two team in the galaxy.

00:11:09.000 10-4.

00:11:10.000 I would argue number one, because number one is the Dodgers with 9-3.

00:11:16.000 Isn't 10-4 better than 9-3?

00:11:20.000 You've fought more fights.

00:11:23.000 I don't know.

00:11:24.000 Seems like you should be higher up.

00:11:29.000 So that's fantastic news.

00:11:30.000 Thank you.

00:11:30.000 You're welcome for that.

00:11:37.000 Also, I want to issue a t-shirt challenge to the viewers.

00:11:41.000 Remember, we were talking about this in Shanghai.

00:11:43.000 It said there were drones that said, and I want to get this perfect.

00:11:50.000 Maybe you can look this up.

00:11:53.000 Control your soul's need for freedom.

00:11:57.000 Is that correct, Ryan?

00:11:59.000 That sounds about right.

00:12:00.000 So I was working on a shirt today.

00:12:01.000 Your soul's desire for freedom, I think.

00:12:04.000 Yeah, that sounds right.

00:12:05.000 Control your soul's desire for freedom.

00:12:06.000 So I was working on a shirt today that says it in Chinese.

00:12:09.000 We're going to sell these shirts.

00:12:10.000 That's awesome.

00:12:10.000 It'll just have that Chinese print.

00:12:12.000 And I talked to the guy at the t-shirt place, and I said, what's the biggest print you can do?

00:12:16.000 He goes, you can go fucking big.

00:12:20.000 I think it's...

00:12:21.000 Let me look it up actually because that'll be part of the parameters.

00:12:23.000 So fill this shirt as big as you can.

00:12:27.000 I should probably have prepared graphics for this challenge.

00:12:32.000 You know?

00:12:38.000 Where the fuck is he?

00:12:38.000 Sorry, this isn't very good TV.

00:12:40.000 But anyway.

00:12:41.000 We'll listen to Chinese in the meantime.

00:12:48.000 I want to make a shirt that says that.

00:12:49.000 Just in Chinese.

00:12:50.000 No other things.

00:12:51.000 No logos.

00:12:52.000 No hammer and a sickle.

00:12:53.000 No stars.

00:12:54.000 No nothing.

00:12:55.000 Just.

00:12:57.000 What is it now?

00:12:58.000 Control your soul's desire for Freedom that's pretty dark.

00:13:05.000 Yeah, control your soul's desire for freedom.

00:13:10.000 Now, don't go sending us shit that says in Chinese, I like to eat out my mom.

00:13:15.000 We're obviously going to double-check it.

00:13:17.000 Don't waste your time with pranks.

00:13:19.000 But let's go for like this big, right?

00:13:23.000 So that's like 11 inches, 11 inches by 11 inches.

00:13:28.000 A square.

00:13:29.000 A square shirt, just text.

00:13:32.000 So make the text kooky.

00:13:34.000 I don't know if we want to go crazy.

00:13:35.000 I don't know.

00:13:36.000 All I know is the shirt I worked on for like an hour looks like shit.

00:13:41.000 I was not impressed with Gav's graphic design skills.

00:13:44.000 I'm happy with this Biden shirt we made that I designed.

00:13:48.000 But yeah, not super impressed.

00:13:50.000 But are we positive that's exactly what it says, Ryan?

00:13:52.000 Right, because is it?

00:13:54.000 Is it not your soul, like S-O-U-L?

00:13:57.000 Your soul's desire, or is it your soul desire?

00:14:00.000 No, it was your soul's.

00:14:02.000 I wouldn't be making a t-shirt if it was your soul desire.

00:14:05.000 For freedom.

00:14:06.000 This is, my favorite thing about this quote is that we have, what are you doing?

00:14:14.000 Showing the text here.

00:14:16.000 Look, just look up Control Your Soul's Desire for Freedom.

00:14:19.000 Yeah, it's right there on the top.

00:14:21.000 And you'll have...

00:14:22.000 Where in the top where?

00:14:25.000 Yeah, there it is.

00:14:26.000 Control Your Soul's Desire for Freedom.

00:14:28.000 You don't need a period if it's in.

00:14:30.000 Again, no English.

00:14:31.000 Just make it pure Chinese.

00:14:33.000 You see them fishing for food?

00:14:35.000 Holy shit.

00:14:36.000 They're toy fish?

00:14:38.000 With a drone.

00:14:39.000 They're drone fishing.

00:14:40.000 Watch the shot.

00:14:46.000 The world is changing very fast.

00:14:50.000 Holy shit.

00:14:51.000 That poor fish is like, what the fuck is going on?

00:14:55.000 I'm a bird now?

00:14:58.000 What happened?

00:14:58.000 Did I die?

00:14:59.000 I'm Americans in Shanghai.

00:15:01.000 Shanghai sucks.

00:15:04.000 Shit.

00:15:04.000 You know, I went to Shanghai with David Cross for vice.

00:15:08.000 And like all of China, it's disgusting.

00:15:11.000 Taiwan and China are both the same.

00:15:13.000 One is communist, one's capitalist.

00:15:15.000 They're both disgusting, filthy.

00:15:18.000 You ride your bike around, you check your hands, you wash them.

00:15:22.000 Everything is soot.

00:15:23.000 I don't think they have catalytic inverters.

00:15:25.000 They have fucking ducks hanging outside on their balcony.

00:15:29.000 It's weird because the economy in Taiwan is the same as here.

00:15:34.000 But you go to someone's house and it's like there's storage containers in their living room and tile floors everywhere because it's easy to clean.

00:15:42.000 They're like lizard people.

00:15:43.000 They're like robots.

00:15:46.000 Fucking lame.

00:15:47.000 Although there's no crime.

00:15:48.000 So if you want a bike, just pick one up and steal it.

00:15:52.000 There's no locks.

00:15:54.000 When I lived there, every bike was my bike.

00:15:57.000 But Shanghai is just as disgusting as everywhere else in China.

00:16:03.000 But it was built overnight.

00:16:06.000 So they needed a skyline.

00:16:11.000 They needed skyscrapers.

00:16:12.000 So they got a bunch of kids out of architecture school and said, build me the kookiest building you got.

00:16:18.000 I want our skyline to look really cool.

00:16:20.000 So their skyline is just a high school architect project.

00:16:24.000 Look up Shanghai Skyline.

00:16:26.000 It's probably fucking 20 years old at the most.

00:16:29.000 And it's just this random hodgepodge of, you know, Lego.

00:16:34.000 Basically a joke.

00:16:37.000 It's what a kid would do if he had spare time.

00:16:40.000 Look at these dumb buildings.

00:16:42.000 They're just made up fake buildings.

00:16:45.000 It looks like SimCity.

00:16:47.000 Yeah.

00:16:48.000 It's made by nerds.

00:16:49.000 It looks like Las Vegas, like a fake, like the way fake New York looks like.

00:16:54.000 Yeah, if you had to make a city in an hour, that's what it would look like.

00:16:58.000 No culture, no love.

00:17:01.000 People shitting on the floor, leaving big turds everywhere, putting a hot turtle in a pile of boiling water.

00:17:07.000 Is that a real image or is that CGI?

00:17:09.000 You can't even tell.

00:17:11.000 It is CGI.

00:17:12.000 It is.

00:17:12.000 Shanghai is CGI.

00:17:16.000 You're going to write that down for title of the episode.

00:17:18.000 Isn't it amazing how fast this first half hour goes for these freeloaders?

00:17:23.000 Damn.

00:17:24.000 Speaking of freeloaders, BeardVet is also paying for you assholes to not subscribe.

00:17:31.000 All you have to do is to go to censored.tv, pay $10 a month, and you have way more TV than you could possibly watch.

00:17:39.000 I give you personally a show every day.

00:17:41.000 But then there's, we've got the Laurel Loomer with the Candace Owens, with the Milo.

00:17:46.000 We've got the fucking Cornell West, and we have Josh LaCash.

00:17:52.000 We've got Jim Gold every Sunday.

00:17:55.000 It's difficult to remember all of the shows we have, and everyone gets pissed when I forget them.

00:17:59.000 SOF.

00:18:00.000 The archives alone are incredible.

00:18:03.000 And we go through all my other old shows from other networks.

00:18:06.000 I'm currently compiling everything I own onto this site.

00:18:10.000 So all this shit, all the sketches I had on YouTube.

00:18:13.000 And of course, Maddie's shitty little kitchen.

00:18:16.000 There we go.

00:18:18.000 By the way, Maddie, someone sent in a letter today.

00:18:20.000 They said, please make fries.

00:18:23.000 Fries.

00:18:24.000 And I just had that same thought.

00:18:25.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:18:26.000 I spoke to you earlier.

00:18:27.000 100%.

00:18:29.000 People think it's easy.

00:18:30.000 It's not.

00:18:31.000 No.

00:18:33.000 You cut them the night before.

00:18:34.000 Wedges.

00:18:35.000 You soak them in water to, what's that?

00:18:37.000 You get the starch out?

00:18:39.000 Yeah, you do the same thing when you make home fries and stuff like that.

00:18:43.000 Like, you cut them into home fries, you would do the size of a dice, cubes, and you soak them overnight.

00:18:49.000 And that gets the starch out?

00:18:50.000 Yeah, it's often the mutton stuff, I believe.

00:18:52.000 I'm not sure, like, 100% with the technical terms.

00:18:55.000 And then what do you do?

00:18:55.000 You blanch them?

00:18:58.000 The fries, you would then take that.

00:18:59.000 You would just deep fry them.

00:19:02.000 But you do it twice, sir.

00:19:04.000 Maybe you shouldn't be doing fries.

00:19:05.000 You sound like an amateur.

00:19:06.000 No.

00:19:08.000 You make some fries.

00:19:08.000 You love them.

00:19:09.000 No, you get them, you soak them overnight, then you blanch them and you cook them for a little bit, then you take them out, and then when they're finally ready to eat, you cook them for like five seconds.

00:19:21.000 Yeah, deep fry them.

00:19:22.000 Yeah, but twice.

00:19:23.000 Once you have to do the dirty work.

00:19:25.000 What's blanching?

00:19:27.000 Hot water, and then you throw it in the ice.

00:19:29.000 Yes, yeah, yeah.

00:19:30.000 That's how we used to do it at the old what the fuck.

00:19:33.000 What would you do?

00:19:34.000 You soaked it.

00:19:34.000 When you blanch something, like you blanch like vegetables or leaves or stuff like that.

00:19:38.000 You would take it, put it in boiling water, then take it out and put it in an ice bath.

00:19:42.000 Yep.

00:19:43.000 What does that do?

00:19:44.000 It drops the temperature, stops it from further cooking.

00:19:48.000 Ah.

00:19:49.000 Oh, I see.

00:19:51.000 And we got a whole page of free shit for everybody who's here for free.

00:19:55.000 Beard Vet is a veteran-owned company.

00:19:58.000 Stay warm and caffeinated with Beard Vet Coffee and stay looking great with Beard Vet grooming equipment.

00:20:03.000 Beard Vet has great beard grooming products and coffee.

00:20:06.000 Check out our exclusive G-O-M-L discount at beardvet.com with promo code Gavin.

00:20:13.000 15% off all orders.

00:20:14.000 Beard Vet has the El Diablo Coffee Blend.

00:20:17.000 That's what we have here every morning.

00:20:19.000 Brazilian Roast Blend.

00:20:20.000 And they are all on sale with the promo code Gavin.

00:20:26.000 Plus, free shipping and all orders when you go to beardvet.com, promo code Gavin.

00:20:31.000 Sean, the owner of BeardVet, is one of us.

00:20:32.000 He's a good egg.

00:20:33.000 We like him more than a friend.

00:20:34.000 Like most of our sponsors, BeardVet is a veteran-owned and operated company.

00:20:38.000 100% of our products are vet-owned and vet-run.

00:20:43.000 I don't know about Johnny Apple's CBD, actually, but Tactical Walls, Beard Vet, it goes on and on.

00:20:54.000 Beard Vet's charitable contributions help our brothers and sisters in uniform.

00:20:58.000 We support them and they support us.

00:20:59.000 Treat yourself to some excellent coffee and grooming gear.

00:21:02.000 Beardvet.com.

00:21:03.000 Promo code Gavin for 15% off.

00:21:06.000 Caller one and two are getting a free pack from Sean and the Beard Vet team tonight.

00:21:11.000 Thank you, Beard Vet.

00:21:13.000 And again, you got to buy coffee.

00:21:16.000 You're buying coffee.

00:21:17.000 Why not buy it from one of us?

00:21:20.000 One of our people.

00:21:21.000 And Beard Vet is one of our people.

00:21:25.000 All right, let's get to what's really going on here.

00:21:27.000 The most important thing in the world is, of course, the Johnny Depp divorce hearings.

00:21:33.000 Is that what this is?

00:21:35.000 What is the name of this particular rumble in the jungle?

00:21:40.000 Is it a divorce hearings or is it a criminal case?

00:21:43.000 I don't know.

00:21:45.000 We just know they're in court fighting.

00:21:47.000 We don't know why.

00:21:49.000 I'm, of course, very close with Amber Heard.

00:21:51.000 I played her in a movie where I was her boyfriend.

00:21:55.000 No, I didn't play her in a movie.

00:21:57.000 I played her boyfriend in a movie.

00:22:01.000 Look that up, Brian.

00:22:02.000 Gavin McInnis Amber Heard, 69ing.

00:22:06.000 My recollection of working with her was that she's an idiot, a very pretty moron.

00:22:13.000 And I didn't know who she was when we were shooting.

00:22:15.000 She just started dating Johnny Depp like that week.

00:22:18.000 And there was paparazzi everywhere coming out of awnings and stuff.

00:22:22.000 And I was like, who the fuck are they?

00:22:24.000 What the fuck?

00:22:25.000 And she goes, oh, that's because of me, probably, because I'm kind of a movie star.

00:22:30.000 I was like, really?

00:22:30.000 You're a movie star?

00:22:31.000 I never heard of you.

00:22:32.000 I didn't say I hadn't heard of you before, but I didn't.

00:22:34.000 Yeah, that's it.

00:22:35.000 One more time.

00:22:36.000 The hit movie with me and Amber Heard.

00:22:38.000 Christopher Watkin was in it, too.

00:22:41.000 She was a rock star, and I owned a recording studio, and we used to shtup, but we had moved on.

00:22:50.000 So I probably should have fucked her, you know, on my off time to make the role more believable.

00:22:55.000 But I don't think she was very enthusiastic about that level of immersionism.

00:22:59.000 But anyway, they were shooting pictures of her.

00:23:01.000 If you look up me and her on images, you can see our scenes together.

00:23:07.000 I wonder if you could pull that movie and find where.

00:23:09.000 I'm trying to find, yeah, the actual.

00:23:11.000 I've never seen it.

00:23:12.000 No kidding.

00:23:13.000 Acting is gay.

00:23:15.000 I got real bored of that shit.

00:23:17.000 You sit around for 14 hours to work for half an hour, and then what makes it to the screen is 30 seconds to a minute.

00:23:26.000 No, thank you.

00:23:28.000 And the money sucks shit, too.

00:23:33.000 I was going to ask Christopher Walken.

00:23:34.000 I was going to ask if you remember what scene, but you've never seen the movie.

00:23:38.000 Yeah, if you find a recording studio, I guess.

00:23:41.000 She's a singer.

00:23:44.000 It looks really boring, doesn't it?

00:23:46.000 Really pretentious.

00:23:47.000 The problem with a lot of movies, too, is the writers are these LA nerds, Jewish kids who just went to film school and never lived.

00:23:56.000 So they're writing about relationships and love and heartache and violence and danger.

00:24:02.000 And you're like, you might as well be from outer space.

00:24:05.000 Like the guy who wrote Saturday Night Fever, a Jewish dude, he'd never been to the Bronx.

00:24:10.000 He'd never been to New York.

00:24:11.000 Just Brooklyn?

00:24:12.000 He was just like, no, nothing.

00:24:15.000 He was an LA kid.

00:24:16.000 And he was like, I'd imagine this is how these fucking WAPs act.

00:24:19.000 Hey, don't touch the hair.

00:24:21.000 Hey, what are you doing?

00:24:24.000 Anyway.

00:24:26.000 Did I just see Tim Heidegger while clicking through?

00:24:31.000 I don't know.

00:24:35.000 He played me in a movie.

00:24:36.000 So you're in a movie with Christopher Walken.

00:24:38.000 Yes.

00:24:39.000 You can say that.

00:24:39.000 He's a peer of mine.

00:24:42.000 We're both actors.

00:24:44.000 Hi, Chris.

00:24:46.000 Who are you?

00:24:47.000 I can't do Christopher Walken.

00:24:48.000 Would it be at the end?

00:24:49.000 I mean, because I'm all the way at the end, almost.

00:24:54.000 I don't fucking know, dude.

00:24:55.000 Well, let's see.

00:24:56.000 You want to see the credits?

00:24:57.000 No?

00:24:58.000 Okay.

00:24:59.000 Look us up in images.

00:25:00.000 Yeah.

00:25:01.000 Anyway, sorry.

00:25:02.000 A way to gavify this story that has absolutely nothing to do with me.

00:25:06.000 And our scene is like one minute, so I just wasted your time.

00:25:10.000 But the hearings are going on, and it's becoming evident that she has literally shit the bed.

00:25:17.000 Oof.

00:25:18.000 That's pretty bad.

00:25:19.000 Have you ever shat your bed, Maddie?

00:25:22.000 No.

00:25:23.000 Never.

00:25:24.000 Not even a little drop of, you know, when you're really in a bender and you have that fluorescent bile, that yellow.

00:25:30.000 No, I've never, I don't think I've shit.

00:25:32.000 Yellow shit the bed.

00:25:33.000 No.

00:25:33.000 That sort of, you know that stuff?

00:25:37.000 Well, that would be feces.

00:25:39.000 No, but when you shit in the toilet and you go, oh, I got to go, and then just a teaspoon of yellow bubbles comes out and you're like, ever heard of poo, asshole?

00:25:50.000 I can't say that I have.

00:25:52.000 Yeah, so she's been exposed as shitting the bed, which obviously that doesn't mean that she regularly shits the bed.

00:25:58.000 What it means is they were going on fucking insane benders.

00:26:01.000 And I have a theory about this.

00:26:03.000 Hunter S. Thompson loved his drugs and loved his booze.

00:26:09.000 But here's where it gets controversial: not more than us when we were really partying.

00:26:15.000 But because he's an auteur, he would totally fucking exaggerate his intake.

00:26:24.000 Or he would take his craziest day and pretend it was his rigmarole.

00:26:32.000 And so Johnny Depp is an idiot.

00:26:35.000 Everyone who's an actor is a moron.

00:26:36.000 That's how they can sit around for 14 hours and generate one minute of content.

00:26:42.000 We have the opposite here.

00:26:43.000 We sit around for two hours and we generate 14 hours of content.

00:26:49.000 So he met Hunter Thompson.

00:26:51.000 He played him in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and he became consumed.

00:26:55.000 He's like a, Johnny Depp is an empty vessel.

00:26:58.000 And when he meets people, he just becomes them.

00:27:02.000 So he met Hunter Thompson and he was like, I'm going to become Hunter Thompson.

00:27:08.000 Even when he's with Shane McGowan, he gets this sort of slurry Irish accent.

00:27:13.000 It's fucking embarrassing, dude.

00:27:16.000 So if you go to, well, first of all, let's see, let's start with 1-3, where he's in the courtroom with Amber.

00:27:25.000 I hate that I don't see the URLs, but...

00:27:27.000 Because you lost memory last night of kicking me out the door with the fucker hitting me.

00:27:33.000 Again, and your memory is gone from you kicking the bathroom door and hitting me in the skull that I was bent down.

00:27:44.000 Hitting me in the skull?

00:27:46.000 If you have those memory fucking, you know, divots.

00:27:52.000 I was upset.

00:27:52.000 There was a lot going on and I was on an ambient.

00:27:55.000 Like, why are you obsessing over the fact that I can't remember?

00:27:57.000 I was on an ambient.

00:27:58.000 Because I'm recording you because I don't want you to sue me later.

00:28:04.000 Here's the moral of the story, guys.

00:28:06.000 Record everything.

00:28:08.000 I don't care if you're in the most bucolic marriage in history.

00:28:12.000 If your wife or your girlfriend is acting like a fucking lunatic, get it on tape.

00:28:18.000 Alex Jones told me that many years ago.

00:28:21.000 Write it down.

00:28:22.000 Documentation.

00:28:24.000 Because no matter how good you are, something could fuck up really bad.

00:28:29.000 And you better have proof that you're not a fucking psycho.

00:28:34.000 Is this us?

00:28:36.000 That's not me.

00:28:38.000 Somebody told me you're...

00:28:41.000 It's like a minute 35.

00:28:42.000 Okay, they don't know what you look like, or maybe I'm wrong.

00:28:45.000 Oh, there you go.

00:28:46.000 There we go.

00:28:47.000 He's right.

00:28:51.000 Holy shit, she is alive.

00:28:54.000 We can stop calling the hospitals and the morgues now.

00:28:56.000 Sorry.

00:28:57.000 Let's do it again.

00:29:00.000 Good.

00:29:03.000 Smooth chance, 96.3 the way.

00:29:11.000 Next, Q103.

00:29:13.000 What's that?

00:29:14.000 Christian Rock.

00:29:15.000 This one goes Q103, the rock.

00:29:18.000 You punch rock, and then you do la D D D on salvation.

00:29:22.000 Go.

00:29:24.000 Q103, the rock of salvation.

00:29:33.000 That would give Jesus a boner.

00:29:35.000 So you wrote your own line.

00:29:36.000 I did that line, yeah.

00:29:38.000 That literally is just.

00:29:39.000 Wait, keep going.

00:29:40.000 I'm enjoying this.

00:29:40.000 This is my favorite subject.

00:29:41.000 Me.

00:29:42.000 We'll watch the movie then.

00:29:44.000 Are you in this scene?

00:29:45.000 Yeah, I think we're walking down the street.

00:29:46.000 Unless they cut it.

00:29:47.000 Walking down the street, fucking.

00:29:49.000 Ah, fuck, they cut it.

00:29:51.000 Maybe the whole conversation on the Strazites.

00:29:54.000 Damn.

00:29:56.000 Look up Gavin McInnis Amber Heard.

00:29:58.000 I looked at the Gloomage.

00:29:59.000 Not us walking down the street.

00:30:00.000 No, no.

00:30:01.000 Maybe it's been deleted from the internet.

00:30:03.000 Anyway, let's get back to their trial.

00:30:05.000 Now that you know that we're friends.

00:30:08.000 It's not to get you mad.

00:30:10.000 It's just to get out of a bad situation while it's happening.

00:30:16.000 You know what's funny too?

00:30:17.000 I've seen tons of footage of him too.

00:30:19.000 They're both secretly recording each other during this entire shit marriage.

00:30:23.000 And here's what happened.

00:30:25.000 Johnny Depp married a beautiful French woman, I forget her name, Vanessa Paradise.

00:30:31.000 She became not young anymore, which happens.

00:30:34.000 I'm not sure if you're familiar with how time works, but she became imperfect.

00:30:38.000 Still very attractive, but sorry, 45, 50, whatever.

00:30:44.000 And so he went, ew, gross, like in husbands and wives when Judy Davis says, men, they love you till you show your age.

00:30:51.000 Then they want to trade you in for a younger model.

00:30:54.000 That is true of celebrities, not the rest of us, but sure, celebrities do that.

00:30:58.000 I guess because they can.

00:31:00.000 I didn't break up with her because of her looks.

00:31:07.000 We had irreconcilable differences, and we didn't see the world together in the same sort of divot.

00:31:14.000 She's the mother of your children.

00:31:15.000 And did Amber Heard, did she provide you with some sort of view of the world that you shared?

00:31:22.000 She's a child, a retarded child.

00:31:24.000 I met her.

00:31:24.000 I was in a movie with her.

00:31:25.000 She's an imbecile.

00:31:27.000 Well, that's actually kind of what got me into it in the first place.

00:31:30.000 I said, you know, she's in a movie with one of my favorite people, Gavin McInnes.

00:31:36.000 Thank you.

00:31:36.000 That's what got me into it.

00:31:37.000 We're both hunks, I guess, because of the hunk community.

00:31:40.000 That's right.

00:31:41.000 You know, meetings at Disney, I would always ask them, I said, you should get this great guy, Gavin McInnes.

00:31:47.000 He's always drunk, too, so it's like he's method acting.

00:31:52.000 So he dumped his chick in France because she got old.

00:31:56.000 And he fucked Amber Heard, just like Nicholas Cage with his weird little Japanese children that he fucks.

00:32:02.000 Sorry, lawyers, I mean like young Japanese adult women.

00:32:07.000 And then you come, maybe more than once, right?

00:32:11.000 Maybe you fuck them for three days.

00:32:13.000 Like five days or something.

00:32:14.000 Maybe they bring home a chick, too, and you're like, this is me.

00:32:16.000 I'm good.

00:32:17.000 Vanessa Paradise never wanted to fuck.

00:32:19.000 But then three days go by, you miss your kids and you're like, what the fuck have I done?

00:32:25.000 Big mistake, yeah.

00:32:27.000 So then you go, well, I recall Hunter Thompson talking about his regimen, and we have it here.

00:32:33.000 It's 1-7.

00:32:35.000 Hunter Thompson claims that his regimen was wake up at 3.

00:32:41.000 Dunhills are cigarettes, right?

00:32:43.000 Yep.

00:32:45.000 Chivus Regal, Chivus Regal, whatever that is.

00:32:48.000 It's probably like a brandy or something.

00:32:50.000 I'm not familiar.

00:32:50.000 Yeah, I think it's kind of like a cognac, maybe.

00:32:52.000 Okay, so you had a tiny shot, like in the littlest little shot glass.

00:32:57.000 345 cocaine.

00:32:59.000 Now, when he says cocaine, it could be a bump.

00:33:04.000 Possibly.

00:33:05.000 Another glass of Chivas.

00:33:08.000 I don't believe you.

00:33:11.000 Coffee, 415 cocaine, orange juice, cocaine, cocaine, cocaine, cocaine.

00:33:17.000 These could all be bumps.

00:33:19.000 This could all be little toots magoots.

00:33:22.000 Which is just like holidays in Costa Rica.

00:33:25.000 Margarita.

00:33:26.000 Holiday in Costa Rica.

00:33:28.000 Cocaine, 545.

00:33:29.000 Grass to edge the day.

00:33:31.000 Woody Creek Tavern for lunch.

00:33:32.000 Heineken, two margaritas.

00:33:34.000 Coleslaw, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

00:33:36.000 Carrot.

00:33:37.000 Have you pulled this up yet?

00:33:38.000 Yeah.

00:33:40.000 Nine starts snorting cocaine seriously.

00:33:43.000 Now that could just be going from bumps to lines.

00:33:46.000 And they could still be small lines.

00:33:48.000 Drops acid at 10.

00:33:52.000 I'm willing to accept this happened once.

00:33:55.000 Maybe twice.

00:33:57.000 This is not your daily routine, dude.

00:33:59.000 You do not do cocaine and booze all day and then hit the acid at 10 p.m.

00:34:06.000 10 p.m. or 10 p.m.

00:34:08.000 Like clockwork.

00:34:08.000 10 p.m.

00:34:09.000 This whole thing starts at 3 p.m.

00:34:11.000 Oh.

00:34:14.000 Chartreuse, cocaine grass, cocaine, midnight.

00:34:17.000 Hunter Thompson is ready to write bullshit.

00:34:22.000 I don't know if you ever typed after like five beers.

00:34:25.000 It's impossible.

00:34:25.000 12 to 6 a.m.

00:34:27.000 I've always said that cops, if they want to catch a writer on the highway, don't do a breathalyzer.

00:34:33.000 Just give him a typewriter.

00:34:34.000 I've done it a million times.

00:34:36.000 You're like, boop, bop, beep, bop, boop.

00:34:38.000 It sucks.

00:34:39.000 It's impossible.

00:34:40.000 So no.

00:34:41.000 He does not start writing at midnight after fucking nine hours of getting wasted.

00:34:47.000 But this was a well-publicized little fucking recipe that Hunter Thompson put out.

00:34:53.000 And a lot of guys, especially morons, went, that's fucking cool.

00:34:58.000 That's basically me, man.

00:35:00.000 I'm going to start doing that.

00:35:02.000 He's a genius in many ways.

00:35:04.000 It's very funny.

00:35:05.000 He had Fettuccine Alfredo, which is the one thing I couldn't get down with, lactose intolerant.

00:35:13.000 So Johnny Depp there, who we just spoke to, started doing that.

00:35:18.000 He would wake up and have four lines.

00:35:20.000 Dude, you wake up and do four fucking lines.

00:35:24.000 I don't care if it's 2022 Coke, 1970s Coke.

00:35:29.000 That's a trajectory that is going to go lots of booze, lots and lots of booze to help you get down, and it's going to burn out in the next few hours.

00:35:41.000 That's what the Shivas Regal is for.

00:35:43.000 When you have the Shivas Regal, it balances out the kind of.

00:35:47.000 And I've heard even crazier things where he talks about, like you read Fear and Loneliness in Las Vegas, and he's like doing 10 Xanax and four Percocet, and you're like, no, you're not.

00:35:56.000 You're lying.

00:35:57.000 You're taking a relatively kooky weekend.

00:36:00.000 You're making it your every day.

00:36:02.000 And you're multiplying everything by about four.

00:36:04.000 That's my point.

00:36:06.000 But Johnny Depp didn't catch that.

00:36:07.000 He was just like, I got to bring up my tolerance.

00:36:10.000 So go back to the first one.

00:36:12.000 We got that.

00:36:13.000 Did we finish that?

00:36:14.000 We did not.

00:36:15.000 Okay.

00:36:22.000 It's 11 minutes, but we're not doing this.

00:36:25.000 I wish we had her shitting to bed.

00:36:27.000 Oh, I have a clip of it.

00:36:29.000 Oh, good.

00:36:30.000 I'll find that.

00:36:31.000 This is the savage moments that I didn't court.

00:36:38.000 Let me ask you a different question, Mr. Depp.

00:36:41.000 Let's let him object to another one.

00:36:45.000 Conversation with Ms. Hurt.

00:36:56.000 Let's move beyond the conversation in that chilly.

00:36:58.000 All right, that's annoying.

00:37:00.000 Yeah, that is fucking.

00:37:01.000 This is him talking about the shit on the bed.

00:37:03.000 Oh, there we go.

00:37:03.000 Money shot.

00:37:04.000 It's the perfect time.

00:37:05.000 She's not going to be home for two days.

00:37:08.000 And then he showed me a photograph on his telephone of objection, Your Honor.

00:37:17.000 That's what you're saying.

00:37:19.000 It's a photograph, Your Honor.

00:37:21.000 As being relayed to him by Mr. Bett.

00:37:24.000 He says he looked at it on his phone.

00:37:26.000 I'll rule the objection as the photograph.

00:37:29.000 What was the photograph of, Mr. Depp?

00:37:32.000 Shit.

00:37:34.000 Dookie.

00:37:38.000 It was a.

00:37:40.000 A splash of feces.

00:37:42.000 It was a photograph of the bed, our bed.

00:37:48.000 And on my side of the bed was human fecal matter.

00:38:00.000 I was wondering what words he was going to use.

00:38:02.000 Yeah, I was trying to figure out how he was going to describe it.

00:38:04.000 I understood why it wasn't a good time to go down there.

00:38:08.000 I was close to seeing number two.

00:38:11.000 So I thought it was she shit the bed because she was so wasted, but she purposely defecated on his side as a fuck you.

00:38:19.000 I'll show you, motherfucker.

00:38:21.000 Yeah, she like an animal would shit, you know, to mark their territory.

00:38:26.000 She shit on the bed to say, you know, this is mine.

00:38:30.000 You know, I thought I'd been sleeping with a piece of shit this whole time, so I wasn't really too shocked.

00:38:36.000 Have you ever shit the bed, Ryan?

00:38:38.000 I've never shit the bed, no.

00:38:39.000 I have.

00:38:40.000 Oh my god, I have.

00:38:41.000 When I was a kid.

00:38:43.000 I was a kid, but it was a full turd, and I had my underwear on.

00:38:48.000 All the questions are for adults.

00:38:49.000 Understood.

00:38:51.000 Did you ever piss your diaper?

00:38:53.000 Did you ever barf all over your onesie?

00:38:55.000 I woke up with my underwear on, but the turd was outside of my underwear, so it's almost like somebody had planted it there.

00:39:02.000 And what age is this?

00:39:04.000 It was like six or seven years old.

00:39:06.000 It's not part of this show.

00:39:07.000 Well, it's too old to shit a bed, really.

00:39:09.000 No, it's not really that nuts.

00:39:11.000 I think it was friend.

00:39:12.000 Okay.

00:39:13.000 I shat the bed in Jamaica recently.

00:39:16.000 Maybe like two years ago.

00:39:17.000 I think it's the only time I shit the bed.

00:39:18.000 But I thought I had a fart, and then I looked down, and we've been parting very hard.

00:39:22.000 And there was that little yellow neon plasma.

00:39:28.000 It's hard to get out.

00:39:29.000 It's like butt bile.

00:39:30.000 Yeah, it's like someone broke a fluorescent marker.

00:39:33.000 At least it's not.

00:39:35.000 Somebody highlighted this part of the bed.

00:39:36.000 It must be really important.

00:39:38.000 All right, that's enough of the freeloaders.

00:39:39.000 We're going to get to the letters page.

00:39:41.000 We're going to start taking calls.

00:39:42.000 We're going to put up the live chat.

00:39:44.000 We have so many different venues to speak to our people on the Thursday Night Live shows.

00:39:49.000 We've got the letters page, which I went through all day and I'm only reading the cream of the crop.

00:39:55.000 We have the calls that come in, 718 something, something.

00:40:00.000 We have the live stream where people pay money, $5 to $100.

00:40:06.000 $100 is definitely getting read.

00:40:08.000 Some of them just go on the screen.

00:40:10.000 And 100% of that money goes to Max and John, our buddies in prison, for fighting Antifa for 17 seconds, four years for that.

00:40:21.000 So we want them to have a nice nest egg when they get out.

00:40:25.000 And then there's also the various rocket chats on the site, censored.tv.

00:40:30.000 That's right.

00:40:31.000 Look at that.

00:40:32.000 Four different ways.

00:40:33.000 That you can interact.

00:40:35.000 To interact.

00:40:37.000 With the family, because we're like a family here together on censored.tv.

00:40:41.000 And one little minor rule, guys.

00:40:43.000 When you call, you get one thing, okay?

00:40:46.000 Not, while I have you on the line.

00:40:48.000 No.

00:40:49.000 You know why?

00:40:50.000 Because through trial and error, we have learned that the second thing always sucks.

00:40:55.000 It's always like, blah, blah, blah.

00:40:58.000 Do you guys think that we'll go to war with Russia?

00:41:00.000 What would happen if we did?

00:41:02.000 We discussed that.

00:41:02.000 And then, wait, one last thing.

00:41:04.000 Has Maddie ever had a mohawk?

00:41:06.000 What?

00:41:07.000 Shut the fuck up.

00:41:08.000 Goodbye.

00:41:09.000 Have you?

00:41:10.000 Yeah, in like ninth grade.

00:41:12.000 Okay.

00:41:15.000 Dr. Knockers, that's your shirt?

00:41:18.000 You just went into fucking Google Translate and that's not even the saying.

00:41:24.000 It's much longer than that.

00:41:26.000 Copy and paste it and see.

00:41:28.000 Wow.

00:41:28.000 Thanks for helping out, guys.

00:41:30.000 Anyway, so please go to censor.tv.

00:41:33.000 $10 a month.

00:41:34.000 That's like two beers a month, depending where you live, depending how the economy is with you.

00:41:39.000 And you get more entertainment than you could possibly handle, and you'll never watch anything else.

00:41:44.000 We cover everything that those other people cover.

00:41:47.000 We're going to talk about the guy who was terrorizing Mike Tyson and got his ass kicked.

00:41:51.000 So it's not like you miss anything.

00:41:53.000 You don't need any other site but censored.tv.

00:41:57.000 And we talk to you the way we talk to our friends at the bar, which is brutally honest.

00:42:03.000 Oh, is that what he did?

00:42:04.000 He did a trick?

00:42:08.000 So yeah, until we see you again, get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.

00:42:16.000 Subscribers, stay tuned.

00:42:51.000 We just happen to have the same stuff.

00:42:59.000 Holy shit.

00:43:01.000 I updated the letters page right before the show.

00:43:05.000 And now there's a million ones.

00:43:08.000 This is called You and Amber.

00:43:11.000 And it says, here's the pic Asian Gavin McInnes can't find.

00:43:14.000 Why couldn't you find this picture?

00:43:16.000 I don't know.

00:43:16.000 I was looking all over for it on Google.

00:43:20.000 Well, whatever search engine you're using, stop.

00:43:25.000 There we are.

00:43:28.000 Fucking and sucking like we used to do.

00:43:30.000 Looks like Ever Levine or something like that.

00:43:37.000 Here's the poop.

00:43:38.000 The poop pick.

00:43:41.000 Wow.

00:43:42.000 That's a dark turret.

00:43:44.000 Amber Heard pooped on Johnny Depp's bed and then blamed it on their tiny Yorkies.

00:43:47.000 This is no tiny dog poop.

00:43:49.000 Amber Heard is disgusting.

00:43:53.000 Yeah, that's probably a bit thick for...

00:43:56.000 The problem with this, though, is, and I would bring this up if I was her lawyer, women don't shit.

00:44:02.000 Good point.

00:44:04.000 They have bubblegum that comes out of their ass once a month.

00:44:07.000 That does not look like bubblegum.

00:44:08.000 Right.

00:44:09.000 So that's the end of that fucking objection.

00:44:14.000 Yeah, that's, you know what else that does, too?

00:44:17.000 It's like a psychological thing, too, because if she did that, then you're like afraid to use your toothbrush.

00:44:22.000 You're afraid to leave the house.

00:44:24.000 You don't know what the fuck else is going on.

00:44:27.000 Yeah.

00:44:28.000 Well, especially you.

00:44:29.000 You're weird with all your little germs and stuff.

00:44:31.000 I don't care.

00:44:32.000 I've had people spitting in my food so long that when they don't spit in it at restaurants, it tastes dry.

00:44:38.000 Anyway, let's start the mailbag.

00:44:41.000 Okay.

00:44:41.000 Why guy?

00:44:41.000 Yeah, we can absolutely do that.

00:44:43.000 We're going to start what they call the mailbag.

00:44:48.000 Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.

00:44:53.000 Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.

00:44:59.000 Let me touch it.

00:45:02.000 Hey, Maddie, what's the difference between a regular club member and a nomad within the club?

00:45:09.000 Is that a sought-after position?

00:45:11.000 What are the perks?

00:45:13.000 It's nothing.

00:45:13.000 No difference.

00:45:17.000 What does that mean?

00:45:17.000 So there's Hell's Angels Nomads and there's Hell's Angels members?

00:45:21.000 Well, they're all members.

00:45:24.000 They're just.

00:45:25.000 Well, what about the prospects?

00:45:26.000 They're not members, are they?

00:45:27.000 No, prospects aren't.

00:45:29.000 Okay.

00:45:30.000 A nomad just means that they have a wider area, like, geographically.

00:45:36.000 Oh, I see.

00:45:37.000 Were you a nomad?

00:45:39.000 No.

00:45:40.000 But you were up in Boston all the time?

00:45:42.000 Did you have a Boston patch on your jacket?

00:45:43.000 Yeah, I had a Boston side rocker.

00:45:45.000 That's a gift from people from Boston.

00:45:49.000 You seem very guarded when we discuss this subject.

00:45:52.000 No, a Nomad is just the original Nomad Charter was in California.

00:45:57.000 Okay, you're not on trial?

00:45:58.000 No, no, but people think that's like a big, like, ooh, it has absolutely no difference.

00:46:06.000 So what is, like, guys with Nomad on their jackets just mean they go to a lot of different clubs?

00:46:12.000 No, like, their quote-unquote home territory is just a larger area.

00:46:18.000 Okay.

00:46:20.000 No need to be nervous.

00:46:22.000 I'm just annoying questions, huh?

00:46:24.000 You know, there's no, like, ones higher or lower.

00:46:30.000 Okay, okay.

00:46:31.000 Within that organization.

00:46:33.000 Okay, okay.

00:46:34.000 You don't have to be upset.

00:46:35.000 There's no Mad here.

00:46:38.000 This is from Commander Davenport.

00:46:40.000 New Maddie's Little Kitchen logo backsplash.

00:46:45.000 Okay.

00:46:48.000 That's beautiful.

00:46:49.000 We should make that the Ryan.

00:46:52.000 Incorporate that into the graphics, please.

00:46:54.000 Gotcha.

00:46:55.000 And pull it up on the fucking screen at some point, you loser.

00:46:58.000 I have loading issues.

00:47:00.000 There we go.

00:47:01.000 Okay.

00:47:02.000 Just put Maddie into the search bar.

00:47:04.000 I got it.

00:47:05.000 I don't know why I have to coach you through your job.

00:47:08.000 1-1,000, 200.

00:47:09.000 Okay.

00:47:11.000 Isn't that nice?

00:47:12.000 That's beautiful.

00:47:14.000 That's brilliant.

00:47:15.000 That's brilliant.

00:47:16.000 So is.

00:47:17.000 Fucking hey.

00:47:18.000 That's pure.

00:47:19.000 That's brilliant, son.

00:47:25.000 Moving right along.

00:47:27.000 Hey, Gav Rygai and Maddie, can Maddie please do a clam boil?

00:47:32.000 It's a staple in my repertoire, and I would love to see his take on this New England favorite.

00:47:38.000 What the fuck is a clam boil?

00:47:40.000 We'll take care of it.

00:47:41.000 We'll throw it up on him.

00:47:44.000 It'll go into the rotation.

00:47:46.000 What is it?

00:47:46.000 How do you do it?

00:47:47.000 Give us a teaser.

00:47:49.000 Well, I've never made one myself personally, but I will.

00:47:53.000 So you're going to look at it?

00:47:53.000 I mean, there's like shrimp boils, seafood boils.

00:47:56.000 I mean, it's seafood.

00:47:58.000 I mean, that one's just all clams.

00:47:59.000 I mean, it depends what kind of clams.

00:48:01.000 There's all different kinds.

00:48:02.000 Lileneck, cherry, stone.

00:48:06.000 Well, you know what the blacks do?

00:48:08.000 They boil everything in sunny D. Sunny Delight.

00:48:12.000 Yep.

00:48:14.000 And then add tons and tons of spice.

00:48:16.000 The sugar in the sunny D cuts the spice.

00:48:19.000 Tony saturate.

00:48:20.000 And then they make it into a big, like, fucking jambalaya.

00:48:26.000 You know what I'm talking about, Ryan?

00:48:28.000 I've never seen that black clam crap.

00:48:31.000 I've heard of paella.

00:48:32.000 Look up sunny D. Sunny Delight is recipe.

00:48:35.000 Oh, my God.

00:48:36.000 It's like syrup.

00:48:37.000 Sunny D, potatoes, more spices than you can shake a stick at.

00:48:43.000 Shrimp.

00:48:46.000 I think there's...

00:48:47.000 Oh, sausages are in there.

00:48:50.000 And they made what they call a pile of fucking food.

00:48:55.000 What the fuck are you doing, Ryan?

00:48:58.000 Sunny D food recipe.

00:49:00.000 In images?

00:49:01.000 Yes.

00:49:02.000 Look up video.

00:49:04.000 Sunny D cookout shrimp.

00:49:06.000 I don't know.

00:49:08.000 The guy shows us pictures of sunny D. Thanks.

00:49:12.000 I always wondered what that looks like.

00:49:15.000 Yeah, when I was young, you know, growing up here on the water, we used to do a, I used to go claim it for like pissed clams and little eggs and stuff like that.

00:49:23.000 We used to boil them up.

00:49:24.000 Okay.

00:49:25.000 Lots of butter, lemon.

00:49:29.000 In new Rochelle, you guys would look up, you'd get clams from the water.

00:49:34.000 Pissed clams, it looks like a little dick sticking out, and you would see them because they would squirt, I guess, water or whatever, and then you would see the little hole in the sand, like the wet sand, and you'd dig them up.

00:49:44.000 And the other ones, you'd go with your feet.

00:49:46.000 You'd walk in the water, and you'd feel them with your feet, and you'd grab them, pick them up, put them in your bucket.

00:49:51.000 What age?

00:49:54.000 8 to 12.

00:49:55.000 Oh, cool.

00:49:57.000 Yeah, that's what I was talking about.

00:50:02.000 That's not orange juice.

00:50:04.000 By any stretch of the imagination.

00:50:05.000 Yeah, there's no oranges there, my friend.

00:50:08.000 What is that big thing?

00:50:10.000 A boiling machine?

00:50:12.000 Some kind of just a vessel.

00:50:22.000 All right, get that orange juice boiling.

00:50:25.000 There we go.

00:50:26.000 Nice hot orange juice.

00:50:28.000 Lemon juice.

00:50:29.000 I'm surprised they didn't put any water in there to cut that shit.

00:50:32.000 That's got to be so thick with sugar.

00:50:36.000 Well, the thing about it is, what they cook is in that top part, right?

00:50:44.000 No, no, Ryan, don't skip ahead.

00:50:46.000 This is fascinating.

00:50:47.000 You know that whites have always been fascinated by blacks?

00:50:51.000 This is why we have blackface.

00:50:53.000 This is why we have so much of American culture dominated by only 14% of the population.

00:50:59.000 We've always found them fascinating.

00:51:00.000 I'm not saying that's good or bad.

00:51:03.000 It's a thing that no one wants to acknowledge, though.

00:51:06.000 And some say that blackface...

00:51:08.000 See, look, they put the grid down now, so none of that's going to get stuck in the sunny D. Oh, the sunny D goes through it.

00:51:14.000 It's just when you lift it out.

00:51:16.000 Right, right, right.

00:51:18.000 But some, like, the given is blackface is, haha, Negroes are dumb.

00:51:24.000 And that definitely exists, but it's a fraction of blackface.

00:51:27.000 A lot of blackface was, these people are fascinating.

00:51:31.000 We're boring Puritans who don't cheat on our wives or do anything kooky.

00:51:36.000 So when they did plays and shows, they would mimic blacks because they had more color.

00:51:44.000 And this is pretty colorful.

00:51:50.000 That squirrel trying to play baos, hatty.

00:51:56.000 You know what the recipe for this is?

00:51:58.000 Everything.

00:52:00.000 Go to a grocery store.

00:52:02.000 Fill up your shopping cart with their inventory and then boil it with Sonny D. I hate shrimp.

00:52:12.000 You're eating bugs.

00:52:14.000 It's the cockroaches of the sea.

00:52:16.000 I hate all seafood.

00:52:18.000 Although, as far as things go, like seafood, that does look pretty good.

00:52:26.000 Turn it up the phone.

00:52:28.000 I'm telling you, man, it's platinum.

00:52:31.000 Smell with your eyes right now, bro.

00:52:33.000 Smell with your eyes.

00:52:34.000 Now, look, after about three minutes ball time, and I'm going to let him smoke about 20 minutes after that, and it's going to suck up all that flavor.

00:52:42.000 And then after that.

00:52:43.000 I mean, look at him.

00:52:44.000 He's pimping.

00:52:45.000 Don't forget to add that corn in the soaking process, too, because it's already done.

00:52:50.000 Never happened in the break.

00:52:51.000 Do you throw any corn at the end?

00:52:53.000 Never.

00:52:54.000 Do you boil corn separately?

00:52:55.000 Barko!

00:52:57.000 He did say in that video, make sure you only boil the shrimp for three minutes.

00:53:01.000 Scramp.

00:53:02.000 Yeah, that's the end.

00:53:03.000 Or they'll be hard to peel.

00:53:05.000 Look at this.

00:53:06.000 Just everything.

00:53:07.000 They should have peeled the veined and took your tails off before.

00:53:09.000 Who are you cooking for?

00:53:11.000 Korea?

00:53:12.000 That's Tony Satchery right there.

00:53:14.000 Look at that.

00:53:17.000 Garlic pita rajong.

00:53:19.000 Look at the onion.

00:53:20.000 That's that Louisiana.

00:53:21.000 Look at the onions.

00:53:25.000 They make fun of white people for not being into spice enough.

00:53:28.000 And you go, yeah, we like spices plenty.

00:53:29.000 And then you see this and you go, okay, well, I guess I don't empty 47 canisters of spice into everything I make.

00:53:38.000 It's platinum.

00:53:40.000 What is this?

00:53:41.000 Jambalaya?

00:53:42.000 Yeah, but it's like a seafood boil.

00:53:45.000 Like that's Louisiana and stuff like that.

00:53:47.000 Cajun.

00:53:48.000 Like a Goomba.

00:53:49.000 It's got sausage.

00:53:50.000 Sausage.

00:53:51.000 Sausage.

00:53:52.000 God of sausage.

00:53:55.000 Come, white people.

00:53:57.000 I get it.

00:53:58.000 Sausage at the sun of D!

00:54:00.000 It's that Creole.

00:54:05.000 By any chance, does Maddie know any taco recipes?

00:54:08.000 Taco?

00:54:09.000 Like, traditional tacos are easy.

00:54:11.000 It's just chicken, pork, or beef.

00:54:13.000 I mean, you could use seafood like trimp or regular seafood like cod.

00:54:16.000 Trimp.

00:54:17.000 But you'll keep watching the show.

00:54:20.000 The episodes will come.

00:54:22.000 I like traditional tacos.

00:54:24.000 Like, they're small.

00:54:24.000 They're not like Taco Bell tacos, like the big fucking hard shells.

00:54:28.000 You like the cantina style?

00:54:29.000 The cantina style with the corn.

00:54:31.000 Yeah.

00:54:31.000 There's no like tons of rice and cheese and tomato and all that other stuff.

00:54:36.000 Onion.

00:54:36.000 I mean, very the kind I like.

00:54:40.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:54:40.000 I like those.

00:54:41.000 Very authentic.

00:54:42.000 Someone sent in a t-shirt design.

00:54:45.000 It's pretty good.

00:54:46.000 It's kind of cluttered.

00:54:47.000 I feel like we should just have the text and no background stuff.

00:54:58.000 I see the drawing.

00:54:58.000 Also, you gotta understand, like with t-shirts, I hate when people make a t-shirt that's like a picture.

00:55:04.000 Oh, shit.

00:55:05.000 That's square.

00:55:06.000 It just cuts off.

00:55:09.000 Hello, you're on Get Off My Lawn Live.

00:55:13.000 How's it going, big man?

00:55:16.000 Hey, man, y'all, right?

00:55:17.000 Look, we're recording the show, so I picked up the show, but you're on the air.

00:55:21.000 Oh, fuck.

00:55:22.000 I'm on the air right now.

00:55:23.000 That's crazy.

00:55:25.000 Shit.

00:55:26.000 How are you doing anyway, man?

00:55:27.000 That's fucking wicked.

00:55:29.000 I'm pretty good.

00:55:30.000 I'm pretty good.

00:55:31.000 Do you want to be on the air?

00:55:34.000 No, that's fucking fine, man.

00:55:35.000 That's cool.

00:55:37.000 So I was just calling you about that article.

00:55:40.000 Did you fucking see that thing?

00:55:42.000 Yeah, she said that.

00:55:43.000 So to be clear, you're Brandon Vaughn.

00:55:45.000 You're the proud boy who was arrested for a hate crime because you allegedly attacked a Palestinian man in Washington, D.C. while supporting Israel with the Jewish Defense League.

00:55:57.000 But the Palestinian guy choked you out first.

00:56:02.000 Oh, fuck yeah, man.

00:56:04.000 I was just chilling there at the rally, fucking having a gale of time, like you said before.

00:56:08.000 And fucking, this guy just crosses the line.

00:56:10.000 He's getting all fucking, it's getting all wild there.

00:56:13.000 He's fucking shouting at people.

00:56:15.000 And there's this chick.

00:56:16.000 She actually, like, she's an Arab herself.

00:56:18.000 She escaped Saudi Arabia.

00:56:19.000 And I think her fucking uncle is, like, in Hamas or some shit.

00:56:22.000 Well, she's, like, a born-again Christian.

00:56:25.000 And she's preaching about how fucked up Palestine is and shit.

00:56:28.000 So he, like, aggressively goes up to her.

00:56:30.000 And I guess me being 22 and being a bit of a white knight, I was fucking quick to be like, yo, get the fuck out of her face.

00:56:37.000 And then when all I did was get between them, and he grabbed me by the fucking throat and just started throttling me.

00:56:43.000 So like, yeah, I just started fucking hitting him.

00:56:46.000 And it was basically like a hockey fight for a good minute or two.

00:56:49.000 It was just one-on-one.

00:56:50.000 And I was just fucking hitting him because he choked me.

00:56:53.000 And then I threw him on the ground.

00:56:55.000 And just as I go to fucking give him like a little kick, like, I just see the stick almost take me out, fucking whack him one.

00:57:02.000 And then he just gets dragged into this crowd of fucking guys battering him with sticks.

00:57:06.000 And I was like, oh, okay.

00:57:08.000 And if I didn't put my hands up in that video, I'd still be sitting in fucking prison right now for a fucking long time.

00:57:16.000 So the sticks were the JDL, the Jewish Defense League, using their Israeli flag signs to beat him up.

00:57:23.000 Did they get charged?

00:57:25.000 Oh, fuck yeah.

00:57:26.000 Yeah, yeah, they got charged, but no one in the fucking case did nearly as much time as I've done in it.

00:57:32.000 One guy is actually still a buddy of mine.

00:57:35.000 I won't say his name, but he had no idea that one of these fucking guys ratted on us.

00:57:40.000 Like this guy who, the guy who actually damaged Kamal Neifa is his fucking name there.

00:57:45.000 The Arab guy's eye.

00:57:46.000 The guy that actually fucked up his eye with the stick.

00:57:49.000 He got caught right away.

00:57:51.000 And he basically gave up two Canadian names and said that we're like these fucking evil people, yada, yada.

00:57:57.000 Yeah, we started the whole thing and he just came to our defense type thing.

00:58:02.000 But he jumps in way the fuck after and puts out the guy's eye with a stick.

00:58:06.000 And if in the video, I back up when people start hitting him with a stick and I put my hands up and actually approach the police, like, okay, that got out of hand.

00:58:15.000 And the fucking cop actually shoves me into like a water fountain.

00:58:18.000 And I'm like, okay.

00:58:20.000 So the cop was bad at you?

00:58:26.000 Hello?

00:58:26.000 Wait, what are you doing?

00:58:27.000 Like, he seen no reason to even grab me, arrest me, nothing.

00:58:32.000 Wait, there.

00:58:33.000 Wait, you cut out for a second there, Brandon.

00:58:36.000 the cop was was the cop mad at you?

00:58:39.000 No, no, no, no.

00:58:40.000 The cop was coming to break up the commotion.

00:58:42.000 Oh, so he's shoving you in the water fountain.

00:58:44.000 Like, get out of the way, dude.

00:58:46.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:58:47.000 I walked up to him with my hands up, like, expecting shit.

00:58:51.000 And then the fucking cop just shoved me.

00:58:53.000 Like, get the fuck out of the way.

00:58:54.000 And I was like, okay.

00:58:55.000 And then I just stood there for another hour or two.

00:58:58.000 And I talked to cops and all that, like you said before.

00:59:01.000 And I shook some of their fucking hands.

00:59:03.000 I left.

00:59:04.000 I went through customs and everything.

00:59:05.000 And everything was fine.

00:59:06.000 But then shit popped up in the paper, like, before I had any idea about any charges.

00:59:12.000 Now, you weren't a Proud Boy when you were there.

00:59:15.000 No, no.

00:59:16.000 Literally the next month when I did my first degree.

00:59:19.000 And then after you joined the Proud Boys, a month after this happened, they retroactively became obsessed with charging you with a hate crime.

00:59:28.000 Yeah, well, the actual, they found it, put the pieces together that I was at, the AIPAC thing, about a year after it, because for that year, me and the lads in Ottawa were just fucking kicking Antifa's ass all over the place.

00:59:41.000 And then we got a bad, like, well, I don't think it was a bad name, but people started putting our faces out there because they couldn't beat us in the street.

00:59:48.000 So they fucking went to the nerd shit online and started putting our families out there and all that shit.

00:59:54.000 I see, we're looking at a picture of you right now on the floor with a cop kneeling on your back like George Floyd.

01:00:02.000 That's the picture they keep using.

01:00:04.000 Yeah, I was standing actually before they did the whole knee in the back thing.

01:00:08.000 I was like, okay, like cuff me.

01:00:10.000 They said, no, get on the fucking ground.

01:00:11.000 And I was like, okay, I'm agreeing to come.

01:00:14.000 You're just here.

01:00:14.000 Like, put them on my back.

01:00:15.000 They're like, get on the ground.

01:00:16.000 And then they put me on the ground and put the knee in the neck and all that shit.

01:00:19.000 And Antifa fucking cheering like the police on.

01:00:23.000 It was fucking weird, man.

01:00:24.000 Like, we were put in a box, basically.

01:00:27.000 Like, the RCMP and the Parliament police boxed us in with Antifa, like a fucking boxing ring.

01:00:33.000 And I was like, well, that's fair enough.

01:00:35.000 But like, me and like the 10 guys I'm with got to get out of this crowd of like 50 guys.

01:00:40.000 And I only know one way how to do that.

01:00:42.000 So am I going to be fucking arrested?

01:00:44.000 Or like you're putting us in the ring pretty much.

01:00:47.000 Yeah, that's exactly what they did.

01:00:49.000 They arranged the barriers so you were ensconced in Antifa.

01:00:54.000 You guys fought your way out and then you got arrested for fighting.

01:00:57.000 Fuck yeah.

01:00:57.000 I literally got to the edge of like all of them, turned around like, hey boys, fucking, because I was getting fed up with my own guys because they were like so scared of the police.

01:01:06.000 And I said, all right, fuck this shit.

01:01:07.000 And I just walked to the front.

01:01:08.000 I just shoved one guy out of the way.

01:01:10.000 This other guy started waving his stick around like he's going to hit me.

01:01:13.000 So I just kind of, I didn't like punch him in the face, but I just kind of shoved his like fucking, I just put my palm in his face and just kind of like shoved his head back, I guess.

01:01:22.000 And he fucking all over, he over-exaggerates.

01:01:26.000 He goes, oh, and he falls to the ground.

01:01:28.000 And the police just swarmed me.

01:01:30.000 And I was like, okay, like, put on the cuff.

01:01:32.000 And then he started putting the knees on me.

01:01:34.000 And then Antifa, like, everybody else starts fucking cheering.

01:01:39.000 Now you so, so after the initial JDL thing, a year goes by, they find out you're a proud boy.

01:01:46.000 They find a crime you did.

01:01:47.000 They arrest you for it.

01:01:49.000 You spend a month in jail in Ottawa?

01:01:53.000 Yeah, down, like off of Innis Road, there's the OCDC.

01:01:57.000 It's pretty well known.

01:01:58.000 And then you're transferred from OCDC to Washington, D.C. jail.

01:02:04.000 Well, I got bail.

01:02:06.000 They were actually going to keep me in custody for months and then transfer me.

01:02:09.000 But luckily enough, my parents managed, along with other people, like close family friends, managed to scram together enough money to get me a wicked lawyer so that I could get bail.

01:02:19.000 I would have been in there for like four months and then they would have sent me to DC for like another, so it would have been almost like six months in total if they had it their way before knowing what my actual penalty was going to be.

01:02:33.000 And I heard you were facing.

01:02:34.000 Can everyone hear him okay?

01:02:36.000 Oh, yeah, because I'm enjoying this.

01:02:38.000 And you kept being told that you were looking at like 30 years.

01:02:43.000 Sorry, 50.

01:02:45.000 Was it 30 or 50?

01:02:48.000 Fuck, the numbers varied, man, all over the place.

01:02:50.000 If you read the newspaper, even that one I just sent you, she said I was facing 30 to like 45, something fucking ridiculous like that.

01:02:58.000 But the lawyers down there were saying like 50, like six per felony, and they charged me with three.

01:03:04.000 So it's about 18 years or so, or something crazy like that.

01:03:08.000 And it was fucking hell of a feeling, man.

01:03:13.000 Well, you were contemplating suicide.

01:03:16.000 Well, not like, I mean, I like to think I wouldn't kill myself, but I definitely would have provoked my own death, so to speak.

01:03:25.000 I would have just fucked with the wrong guy.

01:03:27.000 I would have got myself killed because I still want to go to heaven and all that.

01:03:32.000 But I don't know.

01:03:34.000 Now, I talked to your dad about all this at length.

01:03:38.000 And he told me, this is a minor detail that's not really got anything to do with anything, but I can't get it out of my head.

01:03:45.000 He told me that all the COs in the Washington, D.C. jail are from Africa.

01:03:52.000 Not African American, but African.

01:03:54.000 They're all from the Congo.

01:03:55.000 Yeah, the Congo.

01:03:56.000 Interracial hate.

01:03:57.000 Yeah, you want to see a within the same race hate?

01:04:01.000 Like, fucking, there's black Americans in there.

01:04:04.000 Fucking hate the Africans.

01:04:06.000 This is the funniest shit.

01:04:08.000 Oops.

01:04:12.000 What happened there?

01:04:14.000 Yeah, he said the COs are all African.

01:04:17.000 And my theory is that Africans come from hell.

01:04:21.000 The Congo, by the way, is famous for rampant militias forcing children during the revolution to fuck their parents at gunpoint.

01:04:30.000 So horrors we don't normally conceive of.

01:04:33.000 Like our brains are like the Holocaust.

01:04:36.000 That's the kind of, when we think of the worst things in the world, that's our sort of a ceiling.

01:04:41.000 The rest of the world has the Cultural Revolution with 80 million dead.

01:04:46.000 They have fucking boiling children alive in South Africa.

01:04:50.000 They have young boys fucking their mothers at gunpoint in the Congo.

01:04:56.000 No thanks.

01:04:58.000 Hard pass.

01:04:59.000 So My theory is that they import these third world Africans because they have no feelings.

01:05:07.000 And they're just like, what's the matter?

01:05:09.000 You're dying.

01:05:10.000 Brandon told me about guys he heard dying in the next cell.

01:05:15.000 And no one gave a fuck.

01:05:16.000 They let him die.

01:05:17.000 He saw the guy being moved out.

01:05:19.000 He was like, I can't breathe.

01:05:20.000 Can somebody help?

01:05:22.000 I sound like I'm being sarcastic, but can somebody help?

01:05:25.000 Can somebody help?

01:05:27.000 And then he just sees the next day them just wheeling him out.

01:05:30.000 Brandon almost, the reason Brandon's alive, he was tad out.

01:05:35.000 I can't sleep.

01:05:36.000 I've been up for three days because people were trying to kill him.

01:05:39.000 He's the only white guy in the whole fucking prison.

01:05:41.000 The only guy not there for murder.

01:05:44.000 He was there because someone choked him out and he punched him a few times.

01:05:48.000 And they said, oh, you must be going through heroin withdrawals in their heads.

01:05:52.000 I didn't say that.

01:05:53.000 So they gave him 40 milligrams of methadone.

01:05:55.000 Oof.

01:05:57.000 So he's puking his guts out.

01:05:58.000 Uh-oh.

01:06:01.000 Yellow.

01:06:08.000 So we were just talking about how they gave you all that methadone and you were going to die.

01:06:12.000 And the only reason you're alive is because the janitor comes along cleaning up the cells and he goes, hey, someone's got to get this guy to a fucking hospital.

01:06:22.000 Yeah, literally, they let me out after this guy.

01:06:24.000 I already raised the fucking problem first.

01:06:27.000 I got out of the cell for rec time.

01:06:30.000 I'm walking through like this crowd of dreadlock guys and then I fucking just can't feel my, well, I can't feel shit all of a sudden.

01:06:38.000 I feel like I weigh like a thousand pounds.

01:06:40.000 Like each step, I'm like about to faint pretty much.

01:06:43.000 So I turned to the African guard to check.

01:06:47.000 I was like, can you let me open my door?

01:06:49.000 I'm going to fucking...

01:06:50.000 I'm going to be sick.

01:06:51.000 I can't even walk.

01:06:52.000 She's like, no, no, no, no, no.

01:06:54.000 I was like, well, I'm going to fucking be sick all over your fucking little booth there if you don't fucking give me somewhere to go.

01:07:02.000 And she's like, no, we do not have that yet.

01:07:04.000 And I was like, oh, okay, okay.

01:07:05.000 I'm going to go vomit in the fucking hallway now.

01:07:07.000 She's like, no, no, no, don't do that.

01:07:09.000 Don't do that.

01:07:09.000 And I fucking, you know, these like huge.

01:07:11.000 That's not how puking works, man.

01:07:14.000 When I got a puke, I got a puke.

01:07:16.000 So I turn away from her and I go to go down the hallway and there's like four guys that look like fucking Evo from Friday there.

01:07:25.000 And I just shove past them and I'm like, fuck story lives.

01:07:28.000 And I projectiles on it all over the fucking place, just all over the hallway.

01:07:34.000 And I have like a moment where I just kind of, like we've all had, fucking, where you put your head between your legs for a second, go, oh, fuck.

01:07:42.000 And I wipe the sweat from my brow.

01:07:44.000 I look up and everything's like in double.

01:07:46.000 So I see about like 12 of these big feathers just boom, boom, walking down the hallway at me.

01:07:52.000 And I'm like, there's really only like four of them, but they were doubles like I see in double.

01:07:58.000 But they all come up to me and I just stood up and I was like, all right, boys, fuck.

01:08:01.000 I'm going to die.

01:08:02.000 Like, get it over with, man.

01:08:04.000 Fucking.

01:08:04.000 They're like, what?

01:08:06.000 Like, fucking, get it over with, man.

01:08:08.000 Might as well just fucking give her.

01:08:10.000 Like, what the fuck are you saying?

01:08:12.000 Beat me to death.

01:08:14.000 Let's just fucking get it, man.

01:08:15.000 Go for it.

01:08:16.000 Go on.

01:08:16.000 And they're like, we're trying to fucking help you.

01:08:19.000 I don't know, man.

01:08:20.000 My guardian angel just fucking came, swooped down, and just like sprinkled some fucking friendly dust in front of them.

01:08:26.000 They just breathed it in.

01:08:27.000 They looked at me and they're like, oh, we're not going to kill him.

01:08:30.000 We're actually going to help him all of a sudden.

01:08:32.000 And I thought the look on their face, I thought I was fucking dead.

01:08:35.000 Then all of a sudden, the one guy hugged me.

01:08:37.000 He's like, if you kid, brother, we all do this.

01:08:40.000 I was like, what do you mean we all do this?

01:08:41.000 He's like, we all take that shit.

01:08:43.000 And I realized the only reason I'm not being nice in this place is because everyone's heroined out.

01:08:49.000 Right.

01:08:49.000 They all are ex-junkies who've taken the methadone and done the puking ritual.

01:08:54.000 Yeah, so they're like, brother, like, welcome.

01:08:56.000 Like, it was my welcome.

01:08:58.000 Like, this white boy is the real shit.

01:09:00.000 He didn't even go into protection.

01:09:02.000 And then he was fucking, they're like, yo, I haven't seen that before.

01:09:04.000 This guy there, like, I was revered for, like, not going into protection there.

01:09:10.000 Fucking, it was funny, man.

01:09:11.000 And then I did my puking ritual.

01:09:13.000 These guys started mopping up my vomit.

01:09:16.000 Like, this massive dude was mopping up my puke.

01:09:20.000 And I felt better for a second.

01:09:21.000 And I ended up collapsing after.

01:09:23.000 But I was like, brother, let me clean up my own mess.

01:09:25.000 He's like, no, man, I've been there.

01:09:28.000 Like, holy fuck.

01:09:28.000 And then the one guy gave me a hug and I kind of collapsed.

01:09:31.000 He's like, get this guy.

01:09:32.000 He's hastening.

01:09:33.000 So he's like, get this man to a hospital now, man.

01:09:37.000 I was like, fuck.

01:09:39.000 We got to go in a second, but how are you feeling now?

01:09:42.000 Like, I understand you're pretty rickety.

01:09:46.000 My brother was saying that you're kind of shaky when you hug him.

01:09:49.000 Meaning him being.

01:09:51.000 I got a whole ball of wax and shit around with me now because of that place.

01:09:55.000 I don't know.

01:09:58.000 I've pretty much got a minor heart condition out of it now.

01:10:01.000 I have like overactive thyroid.

01:10:05.000 My heart rate's always through the fucking roof.

01:10:07.000 Yeah, like I have a severe tremor.

01:10:09.000 This room, I guess.

01:10:11.000 I didn't eat any of that shit, man.

01:10:12.000 It was fucked.

01:10:15.000 And even the Africans, man, they know what it's like back home.

01:10:17.000 They wouldn't even eat the shit, you know?

01:10:19.000 Fucking was brutal.

01:10:22.000 So have you been to a doctor?

01:10:23.000 Like, what does the doctor say about your condition now?

01:10:26.000 The doctor didn't know how the fuck I made it in.

01:10:30.000 Like, they made me walk in Chateau's, and then they see me, and immediately they're like, yo, get the stretcher.

01:10:34.000 Like, this guy's fucked, you know?

01:10:36.000 No, no, but the doctor's in Ottawa.

01:10:38.000 Now that you're back in Canada, what do they say?

01:10:40.000 Oh, I still, I still, I gotta see my family doctor.

01:10:44.000 I've just been seeing family, and I had fucking Easter dinner and all that shit.

01:10:48.000 And I've just been touching base.

01:10:51.000 Yeah, dude, you gotta get checked out.

01:10:52.000 We gotta find out what...

01:10:54.000 Because I'm worried you're gonna be like that Otto Warm Beer dude who we got back from North Korea and then he died in like a minute because he had been so malnourished and whatever the fuck they did.

01:11:06.000 Yeah, man.

01:11:08.000 It was a fucking trip.

01:11:09.000 First year I thought I was gonna die and the one take out of it I got that man fucking God is very real man, but so is the other guy.

01:11:19.000 Like man, they were both very, very present around me, man.

01:11:23.000 And I know like drugs take people to that other kind of experience realm, but fuck did it ever take me there, man.

01:11:30.000 The light and everything.

01:11:34.000 Well, my takeaway from all this is fuck the Jewish Defense League.

01:11:40.000 It's fucking far.

01:11:41.000 Yeah, I uh anyone I knew from it that was really any Jews, they're all moved on in life anyway now.

01:11:47.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:11:47.000 I I don't I haven't really talked to anyone from that shit in a long time.

01:11:51.000 Um, I think someone from it, who I don't know if they're still in it or used to be, they actually fucked over the SNPs recently, which is pretty sweet if he was going for a job and then someone read like someone from like one of these Jew right-ring groups actually docked him for the job.

01:12:07.000 Look at this thug.

01:12:07.000 He beat up some fucking Arab and he actually lost the job.

01:12:11.000 He's going to school for it.

01:12:12.000 He's fucked for that.

01:12:12.000 So I was laughing about that a little, but yeah, other than that, I didn't get no support from Dana, so I can't thank you and fucking your brother enough, but me and your brother are pretty good pals.

01:12:22.000 I fucking do anything for you guys, man.

01:12:24.000 I don't mean to take all your time there.

01:12:26.000 All right, man.

01:12:26.000 Well, I got a few hits.

01:12:27.000 I'm going to send you.

01:12:29.000 You have to go have them whacked, but we shouldn't talk about it on there.

01:12:33.000 Anything.

01:12:34.000 Let me know, man.

01:12:35.000 All right, buddy.

01:12:36.000 Cheers.

01:12:41.000 Am I nuts that the biggest takeaway I get from all that is that the COs in the DC jails are all African?

01:12:48.000 Possibly.

01:12:49.000 I mean, how long was he there?

01:12:53.000 Less than a year.

01:12:54.000 Just over a month?

01:12:54.000 I don't really know.

01:12:57.000 I think it was only two months total.

01:12:59.000 I think it was one month in Canada, one month in D.C. But like, you call your CO and you're like, hey, man, there's shit all over the walls in the new cell.

01:13:08.000 I went, yes, you eat the poop.

01:13:13.000 Let's start taking some calls and putting up some live chats.

01:13:17.000 I don't want to know about this.

01:13:19.000 Yes, I am on Truth Social.

01:13:21.000 I was told I had like 30,000 followers and they're going to move them over, but when I looked it up, there's 1,000.

01:13:30.000 Is this you?

01:13:31.000 Yes, that is me.

01:13:34.000 So I guess I got to start posting on that.

01:13:36.000 I don't know.

01:13:37.000 I'm on here too.

01:13:39.000 Okay.

01:13:40.000 Say hi to me, guys, if you're on Truth Social.

01:13:44.000 That's you with my baby.

01:13:47.000 Oh.

01:13:47.000 Oh, that's the night me and your baby, we did shots until 4 in the morning.

01:13:55.000 She was so hungover?

01:13:56.000 Oh, my God.

01:13:56.000 Now, I know what you're saying.

01:13:58.000 Baby shouldn't have alcohol.

01:13:59.000 Relax.

01:13:59.000 The shot glasses were like this big.

01:14:02.000 They were like a quarter.

01:14:04.000 They're quarter-inch shot glasses.

01:14:06.000 I was doing normal shots, but I'm not an idiot.

01:14:09.000 From doing shots with the baby, they are minute.

01:14:12.000 You could do a full shot.

01:14:13.000 They're small.

01:14:14.000 They're like two ounces.

01:14:15.000 It's like an eye dropper.

01:14:16.000 Two and a half ounces, I think.

01:14:17.000 Each shot was an eyedropper, but we conked out.

01:14:22.000 Did she have a hangover the next day?

01:14:24.000 Oh, my God.

01:14:24.000 Oh, she was like crying her eyes out.

01:14:27.000 Am I the headache?

01:14:28.000 Dude, we had to give her water.

01:14:30.000 You're not supposed to give babies water, but because she was so...

01:14:34.000 Are you not?

01:14:35.000 No.

01:14:36.000 I don't remember that.

01:14:37.000 Yep.

01:14:39.000 Why don't you give babies water?

01:14:40.000 I don't know.

01:14:41.000 She's eating food now.

01:14:43.000 So maybe now we can introduce the wa-wa.

01:14:46.000 There's something bad to them.

01:14:47.000 I'm sure my wife will text me about it.

01:14:49.000 She texts me throughout the show, and I'm like, No, I remember when my kids were young, a bottle was a baba, and there was baba juice, baba milk.

01:14:58.000 I think there was baba waba.

01:15:01.000 No, baba wawa.

01:15:02.000 For water.

01:15:04.000 Yeah.

01:15:05.000 This is her swimming today.

01:15:06.000 Her swimming lessons.

01:15:08.000 Okay.

01:15:08.000 I got her.

01:15:11.000 And then the next one is her eating.

01:15:14.000 This looks dangerous.

01:15:16.000 No.

01:15:17.000 We dunk her.

01:15:18.000 And she holds her breath.

01:15:20.000 She holds her breath underwater.

01:15:23.000 Fourth day of eating food.

01:15:24.000 Today was smashed sweet potatoes with bananas.

01:15:29.000 How the fuck did we survive as cave people?

01:15:33.000 Yeah.

01:15:34.000 I don't know.

01:15:34.000 I think we just breastfed until the kid was like seven.

01:15:38.000 Yeah.

01:15:39.000 Something like that.

01:15:40.000 That's the only way it could possibly work.

01:15:43.000 On the tit.

01:15:45.000 We got that.

01:15:48.000 I'm 42, been married 14 years.

01:15:50.000 Wife has gained a lot of weight.

01:15:52.000 She hasn't wheat, dairy, sugar in the last 10 years.

01:15:54.000 No logical reason she's gaining weight.

01:15:55.000 She's not the same when I married.

01:15:57.000 Obviously, I'm finding it very difficult to be attracted to her.

01:16:00.000 What do I do?

01:16:01.000 No kids, H. Ryan, you've got to figure out a better system here if things are getting cut off like that.

01:16:10.000 14 years, huh?

01:16:11.000 I don't know.

01:16:13.000 Maybe slim down?

01:16:16.000 I can't really help you with this, buddy.

01:16:18.000 What do you want me to say?

01:16:19.000 She's trying to lose weight.

01:16:22.000 No wheat, dairy, or sugar.

01:16:25.000 And she got, women get fatter when they get older.

01:16:30.000 I hope you're quitting porn.

01:16:33.000 You quit porn.

01:16:34.000 You turn off that spigot, and you'll figure out a way to get a boner.

01:16:38.000 Bone.

01:16:39.000 Bone.

01:16:40.000 Dries bone.

01:16:43.000 So it looks like we got a bunch of these.

01:16:46.000 Let's do some calls.

01:16:47.000 See, $100.

01:16:50.000 Oh, $100 get red.

01:16:51.000 We got it written.

01:16:52.000 Hey, guys, thanks for all the good entertainment.

01:16:54.000 You're welcome.

01:16:54.000 I made a web app focused on movies.

01:16:57.000 But the twist is you can rate them on how woke they are.

01:17:00.000 Oh, this sounds familiar.

01:17:01.000 I was hesitant to share it at first, but after I saw Elon Musk said Netflix is going to lose subscribers because of its wokeness, I thought it was the best M. Okay.

01:17:12.000 Why would it be the best M?

01:17:13.000 Yeah, it doesn't really make sense.

01:17:15.000 I would say the best M would be the ska band Madness.

01:17:18.000 Hmm.

01:17:20.000 Of all those.

01:17:21.000 Yeah, Our House.

01:17:22.000 That's a great jam.

01:17:23.000 Our house.

01:17:24.000 By the way, we never said...

01:17:25.000 Ryan, what's the letter?

01:17:27.000 We never said the...

01:17:29.000 What, what M is?

01:17:30.000 I'm looking forward to.

01:17:31.000 We obviously want to keep going with this particular thing.

01:17:34.000 While I look for it, because there are a bunch.

01:17:38.000 We never said the website for silver.

01:17:43.000 We didn't?

01:17:43.000 No.

01:17:44.000 So I got to put that in place.

01:17:45.000 We pulled it up.

01:17:47.000 FOP Company.

01:17:53.000 Can you say it?

01:17:54.000 It's P-H-A-U-P Metals.

01:17:59.000 No, I did say it.

01:18:01.000 I did say it.

01:18:03.000 But yes, I'm happy to say it again.

01:18:09.000 Fop Metals.

01:18:11.000 Is that it?

01:18:13.000 Let's just make quadruple sure here on our phone.

01:18:18.000 Yes.

01:18:20.000 Fopmetals.com.

01:18:21.000 P-H-A-U-P-Metals.com.

01:18:25.000 FOPMETAS.com.

01:18:28.000 Promo code Gavin.

01:18:30.000 The P-H-A-U-P.

01:18:32.000 The FOP company.

01:18:34.000 Gotcha.

01:18:34.000 Scottish people.

01:18:36.000 Here is the full letter.

01:18:41.000 Hey.

01:18:43.000 Okay.

01:18:44.000 This is going great.

01:18:47.000 You should be, I know you got a lot on your plate, but you should be throwing these up as they come in.

01:18:53.000 Best moment to share it.

01:18:54.000 Check it out.

01:18:55.000 And it's called is that woke.com.

01:18:58.000 I've definitely read letters from this guy before, and I appreciate that.

01:19:02.000 You know what is not woke these days?

01:19:07.000 Nothing.

01:19:10.000 Fucking nothing.

01:19:11.000 I'm at the bar, and I'm watching commercials for the new Fitbit.

01:19:15.000 And it's got some black whale on a surfboard.

01:19:19.000 And you're like, you're not a surfer.

01:19:21.000 This is a lie.

01:19:22.000 Then I'm on YouTube and I'm looking at a review of Sega.

01:19:26.000 Someone's unboxed an old Sega.

01:19:29.000 And the video game console.

01:19:33.000 It's all black people.

01:19:34.000 And then all the narrators talking about the history of Atari and Sega are all black women.

01:19:39.000 And you're like, you didn't play video games?

01:19:42.000 You're reading a script.

01:19:44.000 You get coached and they say, look, Sega was doing badly.

01:19:47.000 Atari was winning.

01:19:48.000 But then Sega introduced a 16-bit.

01:19:50.000 Okay, got it.

01:19:51.000 So what happened was, you know, Atari was running the shit.

01:19:56.000 They were running the game.

01:19:57.000 And then, of course, what came along?

01:19:58.000 Sega and the 16-bit.

01:20:00.000 Niggas was like, what the fuck?

01:20:03.000 Shit's real now.

01:20:05.000 Don't swear.

01:20:07.000 Take the swearing part out.

01:20:08.000 Okay, okay, I got it.

01:20:09.000 I got it.

01:20:11.000 It was like 60% black women talking about the history of video games in the 80s.

01:20:17.000 Why?

01:20:19.000 You got to see it to be it.

01:20:20.000 Woke.

01:20:21.000 Okay, is that woke?

01:20:23.000 I don't think video games are good, by the way.

01:20:25.000 You could be talking about cigarettes.

01:20:28.000 Like, you could be going, we used to smoke a pack of fucking Darnells a day, and then we moved over to Newports.

01:20:35.000 Like, it's not even good things.

01:20:37.000 They're just injecting black women into everything that's ever been done.

01:20:42.000 Here's me doing my part.

01:20:43.000 I'd give my life savings to have Ryan switch places with Max and John.

01:20:47.000 That would be great.

01:20:48.000 No, it would not.

01:20:48.000 I would love to see how Ryan would survive in prison.

01:20:52.000 I think he'd do okay.

01:20:53.000 Yeah.

01:20:54.000 I'm a resilient person.

01:20:57.000 Why'd you say that like your Johnny Depp imitation?

01:21:00.000 Well, because I'm a resilient person.

01:21:05.000 But back in the day when we had Sega Renesis, we didn't have no games.

01:21:10.000 So what we do is we take a cardboard box, like a Pop-Tart box.

01:21:16.000 And we put it inside of Dennis and be like, oh, shit, we're playing Pop-Tart.

01:21:21.000 Hmm.

01:21:22.000 They're very resourceful.

01:21:24.000 Here's another one here.

01:21:25.000 Okay.

01:21:26.000 Maddie's a biker.

01:21:28.000 Maddie, why would you think that Maddie is spelled M-A-D-D-I-E?

01:21:34.000 What is it an abbreviation of?

01:21:36.000 Maddox?

01:21:38.000 Yeah.

01:21:38.000 And why not just say Maddox?

01:21:40.000 It's just as long.

01:21:41.000 Quipping a cocksucker and buy the man a shovelhead and then send him out to get ride footage.

01:21:47.000 Yeah, I guess we could do that.

01:21:49.000 I kind of like Maddie's shit a little kitchen, though.

01:21:51.000 Instead, he's stuck with a zipper head.

01:21:53.000 Ryan got him better.

01:21:56.000 Zipper head.

01:21:58.000 Oh, I got it.

01:21:59.000 Can we get some calls, please?

01:22:00.000 Yeah, absolutely.

01:22:01.000 This one's $100.

01:22:03.000 Would you rather have Amber Heard shit on your bed or shit on Amber Heard?

01:22:07.000 I think both are basically the same, right?

01:22:11.000 Like, if Amber Heard shit on my bed, it'd be a major violation, and my wife would be upset.

01:22:16.000 But, you know, we'd wash the sheets, and I don't think it would bleed through to the mattress.

01:22:21.000 I think I would have chucked the sheets.

01:22:23.000 Oh, yeah, definitely.

01:22:24.000 Definitely the mattress.

01:22:25.000 You think you'd chuck the sheets?

01:22:26.000 Yeah, and the mattress?

01:22:28.000 I have a tempurpedic mattress.

01:22:29.000 They're five grand.

01:22:30.000 Yeah.

01:22:31.000 I'm not throwing that away.

01:22:32.000 If you could fucking murder my whole family on it, it's staying.

01:22:37.000 Amber Heard shit on your bed or shit on Amber Heard.

01:22:40.000 So taking a dump on some poor, dumb, like, celebrity chick?

01:22:46.000 Nothing spectacular.

01:22:47.000 The problem with the second one, too, is you think, that doesn't mean anything.

01:22:50.000 No, it'll bother you for the rest of your life.

01:22:54.000 That you shit on her?

01:22:55.000 Taking shit on a girl?

01:22:57.000 Dude, I punched a girl in sparring a year ago now, and I still remember it and go, yeah.

01:23:05.000 Yeah, I don't think I would find no pleasure in shitting on.

01:23:10.000 No.

01:23:10.000 I don't even want to shit on Jen Saki.

01:23:13.000 Or like, who's the horrible one?

01:23:16.000 The African with African accent, Joy Reed.

01:23:20.000 Okay.

01:23:21.000 I don't, like, I might fart on her.

01:23:25.000 Or, like, throw a pencil at her head.

01:23:29.000 But I don't want to like dump on a human being.

01:23:32.000 Yeah, that's too much indecence.

01:23:35.000 The thing about hurting people when you're our age, and when I say our age, I mean me and Maddie, it's like nothing, nothing, nothing, kill.

01:23:42.000 Like, I want to murder a pedophile.

01:23:45.000 And then anything below that, like, say a guy slaps a woman, I guess I want to beat him up.

01:23:51.000 And then anything below that, obviously, anything with kids, you want to just like end them.

01:23:56.000 Yeah.

01:23:56.000 But outside of that, I don't really want to bother.

01:24:01.000 Yeah.

01:24:02.000 I'll throw a drink on you, I guess.

01:24:06.000 We got Andy.

01:24:07.000 He's a winner.

01:24:09.000 731.

01:24:10.000 You're on the line.

01:24:14.000 Go ahead, Andy.

01:24:16.000 You're up, Andy.

01:24:18.000 731, you're up.

01:24:20.000 You're probably not Andy.

01:24:22.000 Sometimes the thing reads it wrong.

01:24:25.000 Oh, that's my bad.

01:24:28.000 I've had this call thing set up for a minute now, but I had to click something.

01:24:34.000 There was a mate.

01:24:37.000 Okay, Ryan is fucked up, believe it or not.

01:24:40.000 So that's why I had some calls.

01:24:42.000 Hello, winner, Andy.

01:24:43.000 Hello, hello.

01:24:45.000 I've got this hilarious story.

01:24:48.000 When I was 12, and I just...

01:24:54.000 Never mind.

01:24:54.000 It's stupid.

01:24:55.000 I'm sorry, Bye.

01:24:56.000 All right, no, that's great.

01:24:57.000 Thanks for calling.

01:24:58.000 You won.

01:24:59.000 Let's get to the next caller.

01:25:01.000 Does he still win?

01:25:02.000 Yep.

01:25:03.000 Okay.

01:25:03.000 He was the first caller.

01:25:05.000 First or second caller.

01:25:05.000 Rules or rules.

01:25:06.000 Rules and rules.

01:25:08.000 If you don't follow your rules, you're not a man of your word.

01:25:10.000 If you're not a man of your word, you're bino!

01:25:12.000 Bina!

01:25:13.000 Lesbian!

01:25:14.000 Bina!

01:25:15.000 You're lesbian!

01:25:16.000 614, you're in law.

01:25:20.000 What's up, 614?

01:25:21.000 Hello.

01:25:22.000 Yo, can you hear me?

01:25:23.000 Yeah, what's up?

01:25:25.000 Hey, so I was wondering what your opinion is on whether girls who were severely sexually abused as children are worth dating or whether the emotional minefield that's kind of an inevitability with those people is worth it or not?

01:25:43.000 That's a good question, sir.

01:25:44.000 My experience has been I dated a girl who was raped in unimaginable ways by her father when she was young, her and her twin sister.

01:25:54.000 And I couldn't hack it and I peaced out.

01:25:58.000 Her thing was anything intimate reminded her of her father, like any snuggling, spooning, normal sex.

01:26:06.000 So the only way she could get off sexually is if I was a violent asshole who beat the shit out of her, not really beat the shit out of her, like rough sex.

01:26:15.000 And then she also loved public humiliation.

01:26:18.000 So like she wanted to be slapped in public and stuff.

01:26:22.000 That wasn't for me.

01:26:23.000 A lot of baggage.

01:26:24.000 So I would say it goes by per person, but you know, if a woman, and I feel terrible saying this because I'm like, if a woman doesn't want to be spooned, then she's unlovable.

01:26:35.000 Is that what I'm saying?

01:26:36.000 Maybe I am.

01:26:39.000 Unless you can find a guy that doesn't want to do that.

01:26:41.000 I don't know.

01:26:42.000 That's why pedophilia is such a horrific thing here because we're trying to, you know, deal with their detritus and it's fucking, it's a real mess to clean up.

01:26:54.000 Yeah, I mean, my experience with girls like that is that they have like a resounding just hatred for men and they feel like they're not attracted to masculine men.

01:27:04.000 They want to date a beta and they kind of want to be in control of what's going on.

01:27:09.000 Well, does this woman like normal fucking?

01:27:14.000 Yeah, sure.

01:27:15.000 Well, then marry her.

01:27:18.000 Oh, I've got nothing to do with this.

01:27:20.000 This is a friend of mine who's dating some girl video.

01:27:22.000 Wait, you're asking advice for someone else?

01:27:25.000 I was just wondering what you're talking about.

01:27:26.000 Thanks for calling.

01:27:28.000 Unacceptable.

01:27:29.000 From now on, we only do advice to the person, obviously.

01:27:33.000 No third-party calls.

01:27:35.000 No third-party advice.

01:27:37.000 Yeah.

01:27:37.000 What the hell is that?

01:27:39.000 What is that?

01:27:40.000 What if we have a question?

01:27:41.000 Yeah.

01:27:42.000 Well, you can't answer on his behalf.

01:27:44.000 Hey, I've started cutting myself, and I'm worried that it's going to get out of hand.

01:27:50.000 I'm going to get a major vein.

01:27:52.000 Oh, really?

01:27:52.000 What do you should cut yourself?

01:27:54.000 I don't really know.

01:27:55.000 I'm talking from someone else I know that does this.

01:27:59.000 Well, we can't help you, sir.

01:28:01.000 Even three-way calls.

01:28:03.000 Not that I sure would be cutting himself.

01:28:05.000 Not even three-way calls, according to Jesse Lee Peterson.

01:28:08.000 No.

01:28:10.000 Ben, you're on a line.

01:28:13.000 Make it good.

01:28:16.000 Go ahead.

01:28:18.000 Hello?

01:28:19.000 Hello?

01:28:20.000 Hello?

01:28:21.000 Okay, here we go.

01:28:23.000 All right, boys.

01:28:24.000 I just wanted to say how awesome Tactical Walls is.

01:28:30.000 You know, before Tactical Walls, all my BDSM equipment was all over the place.

01:28:38.000 But now it's organized right.

01:28:40.000 It's all perfect.

01:28:41.000 Everything is on my wall for display.

01:28:43.000 Ball gags, dildos, latex masks, whips, chains, beads, everything you could think of.

01:28:52.000 Tactical Walls has changed my life.

01:28:54.000 And big shout out to Tactical Tim who came out and crushed my balls personally.

01:28:59.000 Have a good night, boys.

01:29:00.000 Appreciate it.

01:29:01.000 That was fantastic.

01:29:02.000 Great, great call, dude.

01:29:04.000 Great.

01:29:06.000 That was worth being on hold, working on all that shit.

01:29:10.000 Hell yeah.

01:29:11.000 Way to go.

01:29:11.000 What a slam dunk of a prank call that was.

01:29:15.000 That got funked.

01:29:16.000 Holy shit.

01:29:18.000 That's fucking pathetic.

01:29:19.000 513 online.

01:29:22.000 Hi, Gavin.

01:29:23.000 Hi.

01:29:24.000 How are you?

01:29:25.000 I'm good.

01:29:27.000 Yeah?

01:29:28.000 Yeah, you sound dubious.

01:29:31.000 You don't think I'm doing good?

01:29:32.000 Is this a lady or a baby?

01:29:34.000 I don't know.

01:29:35.000 I mean, you're drunk half the time, right?

01:29:36.000 So you don't really know yourself.

01:29:38.000 Touche.

01:29:39.000 Touche.

01:29:39.000 Touch.

01:29:42.000 Where's Milo at right now?

01:29:43.000 I heard he's like a flat earther and shit.

01:29:46.000 Oh, yeah.

01:29:46.000 Well, that was a live chat message we didn't read.

01:29:52.000 Yeah, that was mine.

01:29:53.000 Oh, okay.

01:29:54.000 So he's super into the Bible now, like Old Testament stuff.

01:29:57.000 I've spoken to him occasionally.

01:29:58.000 I think he's working as the press agent for Marjorie Taylor Greene, I believe.

01:30:05.000 Does he have like YouTube or?

01:30:07.000 No, he has nothing.

01:30:09.000 He has nothing.

01:30:10.000 But are devout Christians like Ryan who believes that dinosaurs don't exist or they were dragons in the like.

01:30:19.000 There's an argument there.

01:30:21.000 Are they flat earthers?

01:30:22.000 I don't think so.

01:30:25.000 I think the Old Testament makes the earth round.

01:30:28.000 Well, it says there's a first.

01:30:30.000 He did a podcast with a flat earther.

01:30:34.000 That's okay.

01:30:37.000 I don't know.

01:30:38.000 I was just wondering where he's at.

01:30:39.000 Also, by your own logic, Gavin, you were a raging faggot with the amount of women you had intercourse with.

01:30:45.000 Yes, that is also true.

01:30:47.000 Are you taking your boyfriend's points and making them your own?

01:30:51.000 He told me to call in.

01:30:53.000 Okay.

01:30:54.000 All right.

01:30:54.000 Well, thanks for calling.

01:30:56.000 Women aren't normally that astute with hypocrisy.

01:31:00.000 Yes, she's right though.

01:31:02.000 Or he's right when he told her to say that.

01:31:04.000 I really wish you had a fart ready after you said ass toot.

01:31:07.000 And you're like, and this is an ass toot.

01:31:08.000 I fucked a million chicks in my vice days and in my band days, and that is a faggot lifestyle.

01:31:15.000 I lived a faggot lifestyle.

01:31:17.000 I was a faggot.

01:31:18.000 And that's a big reason why I push all this family shit on you guys is because I waited way too late.

01:31:25.000 I had my youngest boy when I was fucking 43.

01:31:32.000 That's pathetic.

01:31:34.000 So I don't want you to make the same mistakes as me.

01:31:36.000 So when I always say to guys, look, you started drinking at 14.

01:31:40.000 At 24, you should have ironed out the kinks.

01:31:43.000 I was like considering slowing down at 34.

01:31:46.000 That's 20 years of relentless partying.

01:31:50.000 That's retarded and gay.

01:31:54.000 Literally gay.

01:31:55.000 I mean, not quite dick in the mouth, but fucking a different chick every night is for losers.

01:32:03.000 Who was less attractive, Tarana Burke or Lori Lightfoot?

01:32:06.000 Toronto Burke.

01:32:07.000 Easy.

01:32:08.000 So easy.

01:32:09.000 Lori Lightfoot, before she was mayor, she was as high as a 3.8.

01:32:16.000 She looks like Betelgeuse.

01:32:17.000 Right.

01:32:17.000 She's a one now.

01:32:19.000 But she was soaring through the clouds of 3.8.

01:32:24.000 She had normal hair.

01:32:27.000 Sort of.

01:32:28.000 There's another $100 one.

01:32:31.000 I finally conquered my last vice.

01:32:32.000 I quit eating my boogers.

01:32:33.000 Good work, front butt.

01:32:36.000 Look at Lori Lightfoot, though, before she turned into Beetlejuice.

01:32:42.000 Well, that's not bad.

01:32:44.000 But I don't want to say, I hope I'm not looking at a 12-year-old when I say, she's pretty fuckable.

01:32:50.000 Obviously, she's a monster now.

01:32:53.000 But, like, Toronto Burke was a monster before she was even conceived.

01:32:57.000 Even that's like a cool, like, wall terrible spikely movie.

01:33:01.000 Yeah.

01:33:02.000 Extra.

01:33:02.000 And I like the tall chick she's with.

01:33:09.000 Let's be in.

01:33:10.000 Let me in.

01:33:13.000 All right.

01:33:14.000 We got fucking who's his 919.

01:33:19.000 You're on the line, line, line.

01:33:22.000 Go ahead.

01:33:23.000 Hello.

01:33:26.000 You there, bud?

01:33:29.000 Yo, yo, Pete.

01:33:31.000 What's going on, Pete?

01:33:33.000 Hey, sorry.

01:33:35.000 So do you watch Peaky Blinders at all?

01:33:37.000 Have you seen the last season?

01:33:39.000 I did for a while.

01:33:40.000 I kind of pieced out.

01:33:41.000 One of my problems with that guy is I'm a kind of hunkophobe.

01:33:46.000 Yeah, me too.

01:33:47.000 He's so handsome that it kind of bothered me.

01:33:51.000 Like, you look at old photos of, you know, East London and post-World War I, you don't see a lot of, like, model guys.

01:34:02.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:34:03.000 He should have had, like, Missy.

01:34:05.000 Go ahead.

01:34:06.000 Sorry.

01:34:08.000 I mean, this is...

01:34:09.000 Whose show is this?

01:34:10.000 He looks like a hot chick.

01:34:13.000 No, he does.

01:34:14.000 But the weird thing is, is if you watch the last season, especially like the last few episodes, it's all about this fighting fascists.

01:34:23.000 Oh, good.

01:34:24.000 And they're all Nazis and Zigheiling.

01:34:27.000 And the guys from Glasgow.

01:34:30.000 I couldn't help but notice similarities between, you know how Netflix and all these woke people are.

01:34:39.000 I couldn't help but them.

01:34:41.000 Like if the guy gets a job in the next season as a radio host, I wouldn't be surprised.

01:34:48.000 That would be fucked up.

01:34:50.000 What a bunch of cucks.

01:34:52.000 It's worth checking out.

01:34:53.000 They ruined their own show just to get me.

01:34:57.000 What a bunch of fucking losers.

01:34:58.000 It's happened before.

01:34:59.000 We've seen in secession, in Law and Order.

01:35:04.000 It's happened in a bunch of shows.

01:35:07.000 Dude, do you know the talk you were at, basically, where the Proud Boy in New York, where Antifa threw bottles of piss and everything?

01:35:18.000 The last scene or the scene...

01:35:22.000 I think it's the last episode.

01:35:24.000 Anyway, the guy from Glasgow is protecting this crazy fascist guy.

01:35:30.000 So the guy from Glasgow, he has like a group called the Billy Boys.

01:35:35.000 No.

01:35:36.000 And they're protecting the fascists.

01:35:39.000 No.

01:35:40.000 Yeah.

01:35:40.000 And there's this whole like speech set up.

01:35:44.000 And there's a bunch of anti-fascists protesting outside.

01:35:48.000 Dude, sir, did you mention the guy's name is Jimmy McCavern?

01:35:53.000 You've got to watch it.

01:35:54.000 His name's Jimmy McCavern?

01:35:56.000 Why would you leave that out, sir?

01:35:58.000 I didn't know his fucking name.

01:36:00.000 You didn't want it to be too over the top, you half-ass calling bastard.

01:36:06.000 Jimmy McCavern is the leader of the Billy Boys from Glasgow.

01:36:13.000 See, I'm watching it and I'm just saying to myself, fucking, I'm done with Netflix, dude.

01:36:19.000 I mean, but it's almost comical, I think.

01:36:21.000 What a bunch of fucking faggots.

01:36:23.000 I am done.

01:36:23.000 Thanks for calling, by the way.

01:36:25.000 You know, that goes back to what I was saying about these writers.

01:36:28.000 They haven't experienced anything.

01:36:30.000 So their idea of justice is like, fighting Nazis.

01:36:34.000 Yeah.

01:36:36.000 That's kicking ass and taking names.

01:36:38.000 You want to be a real man?

01:36:39.000 Punch a Nazi in the face.

01:36:41.000 And then they don't know what that means.

01:36:43.000 So they go, what's a Nazi?

01:36:44.000 And then they look at their computer.

01:36:46.000 They have to go to Argentina.

01:36:47.000 Proud boys.

01:36:48.000 Argentina.

01:36:49.000 Yeah, Proud Boys.

01:36:51.000 Let's call them the Billy Boys.

01:36:53.000 I think he's right.

01:36:55.000 I think that's a Proud Boys attack.

01:36:57.000 Jimmy McCavern.

01:36:58.000 Meanwhile, what's happening in the real world?

01:37:00.000 In the real world, Brandon Vaughn is going on behalf of Israel to D.C. A bunch of JDL Jewish Defense League dudes are beating the shit out of a fucking Palestinian.

01:37:12.000 He gets blamed for it, even though all he did was get the guy off his neck.

01:37:17.000 And he's doing months in prison when no one else is.

01:37:21.000 That's reality.

01:37:23.000 He's projectile vomiting from a methadone overdose in a prison in fucking D.C. And this fat nerd who writes this fucking show, we got to find out who writes that episode.

01:37:39.000 He's never lived.

01:37:40.000 The person who wrote this episode has never lived.

01:37:43.000 What episode is it, Ryan?

01:37:44.000 Let's find out.

01:37:45.000 It's called It's Season 5, Episode 6: Mr. Jones of Piggy Blinders.

01:37:53.000 And here's the character.

01:37:55.000 Bullers helped our boys clear them away.

01:37:58.000 A few head clues are a good thing.

01:38:01.000 We can illustrate how we deal with opposition.

01:38:03.000 There was a rumor a gang of Jews were coming up from Vick, but no sign of them yet.

01:38:08.000 But wait a minute.

01:38:09.000 The whole thing with World War II, the fascism and the Jew thing, were way down the line.

01:38:16.000 There are a few picky boys around.

01:38:19.000 Are they friends with naggers?

01:38:21.000 There'll be no rifts between us.

01:38:24.000 Keep your powder dry.

01:38:25.000 Bloody Jews.

01:38:27.000 If there's one thing I hate in 1920, it's a religious group I'm neither familiar with because I'm fucking Scottish.

01:38:36.000 Yeah.

01:38:36.000 And they don't really come across my reader that much.

01:38:40.000 Probably better off if you said Protestants.

01:38:43.000 Yeah, totally.

01:38:44.000 Catholics.

01:38:45.000 Then they would have some realism.

01:38:50.000 I know you're the founder of Bleisch Newspaper.

01:38:56.000 And you did street magic with something writer.

01:38:59.000 I want to call him right now.

01:39:04.000 It was a little less packed than that.

01:39:10.000 What is this, a fascist rally?

01:39:12.000 But, like, fascism was barely alive in Britain back then.

01:39:26.000 See, you know, I'm worried that sometimes they make these villains seem kind of cool.

01:39:31.000 Sometimes they get so...

01:39:32.000 Oh, Stephen Knight is the writer.

01:39:36.000 Stephen Knight is a British screenwriter and film director, best known for screenplays for the films Dirty Pretty Things and Eastern Promises.

01:39:44.000 Oh, that was a good movie, Eastern Promises.

01:39:48.000 And also directed as well, written the film Locke.

01:39:51.000 Knight is one of three creators of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, a game show that has been remade and aired in around 160 countries worldwide, and is written for BBC's commercial breakdown, The Detectives, Peaky Blinders, and Taboo.

01:40:05.000 He also wrote The Hundred Foot Journey and Sacrifice.

01:40:14.000 Jesus.

01:40:15.000 Doesn't really fit the bill.

01:40:19.000 Stephen Knight.

01:40:22.000 Okay, let's get back to calls.

01:40:24.000 All right, 479, you're on the line.

01:40:29.000 All right, I just, I gotta settle something between me and another baby monster.

01:40:34.000 We both called into the show and actually met up at a local pub in Fort Smith, Arkansas.

01:40:39.000 Cool.

01:40:40.000 And the intro to the show, live from New York.

01:40:43.000 It's Get Off My Laws, Gab McGinnis.

01:40:46.000 Is that Ryan?

01:40:47.000 No.

01:40:48.000 Or is that someone else?

01:40:49.000 No, it's a guy I paid.

01:40:52.000 He's actually Scottish originally, but he works in L.A. And I know him through mutual friends, but he does voices for Wednesday Night Buffalo Wings, $2.40.

01:41:06.000 WFMU, 90 points.

01:41:08.000 He charged me like 300 bucks for that.

01:41:12.000 This is what he said.

01:41:12.000 He said that you paid for that.

01:41:14.000 And I said, there's no way his cheap ass paid for that with Ryan's voice.

01:41:18.000 Oh, you know that guy?

01:41:19.000 That was pre-Ryan.

01:41:21.000 No, no, no.

01:41:22.000 I know the guy that, I know a guy.

01:41:23.000 No, I met a guy that called into the show.

01:41:26.000 I called into the show and he called in the show.

01:41:28.000 And we recognized the area code.

01:41:31.000 And then you made the guy say his full name on air.

01:41:34.000 So I looked him up on Facebook.

01:41:36.000 And now we've met up and hung out at the pub and shit.

01:41:39.000 See, good things.

01:41:39.000 Where in LA?

01:41:41.000 Arkansas.

01:41:41.000 No, in Fort Smith, Arkansas.

01:41:43.000 Oh, I see.

01:41:44.000 So not the guy who does the voice.

01:41:45.000 No.

01:41:46.000 These are two.

01:41:47.000 Not the guy that does the voice, but this guy was saying.

01:41:50.000 You know, the guy who did the voice, one funny story is we were in L.A. And when I had an ad agency, we were heavy drinkers.

01:41:57.000 Like, it was fucking, it was madman time.

01:41:59.000 But in L.A., you're three hours behind.

01:42:02.000 So you're ready.

01:42:03.000 You've done your meetings.

01:42:04.000 You've done your pitches.

01:42:06.000 And everything happens before traffic.

01:42:08.000 So by 3 p.m., you're done, right?

01:42:12.000 That's your 6 p.m.

01:42:13.000 If you're a New Yorker, you're ready to rock.

01:42:16.000 So you get to the bars, they're either closed or nothing's going on.

01:42:20.000 And so we go to his house and we're like, Andrew's his name.

01:42:24.000 Andrew, you got any fucking beer?

01:42:26.000 Or I mean, a liquor?

01:42:27.000 You got any bourbon?

01:42:28.000 And he goes, what?

01:42:30.000 And we go, bourbon.

01:42:31.000 He's a big drinker too.

01:42:32.000 And he goes, yeah, I had bourbon.

01:42:36.000 I drank it.

01:42:36.000 Who has bourbon in their house?

01:42:38.000 He goes, that's like having Coke in your house.

01:42:42.000 No one has a bag of Coke lying around.

01:42:44.000 When it's there, you finish it.

01:42:48.000 It's got a point.

01:42:49.000 That's great.

01:42:50.000 All right.

01:42:50.000 Thanks for calling, buddy.

01:42:52.000 Was he supposed to sound like Don Pardo of Saturday Night Live?

01:42:56.000 Yeah.

01:42:56.000 Well, he's trying to do like, you know, TV voice.

01:43:00.000 Right, right.

01:43:00.000 But not specifically.

01:43:01.000 He has his own studio.

01:43:03.000 Like, he's a very successful voice actor.

01:43:05.000 But not voice actor.

01:43:06.000 Whatever you call him.

01:43:08.000 It's Saturday Night Live.

01:43:11.000 Not that guy specifically.

01:43:12.000 Oh, calls.

01:43:13.000 Uh-oh.

01:43:14.000 Direct line.

01:43:16.000 Colin.

01:43:19.000 Hello.

01:43:21.000 Ah, Golin.

01:43:22.000 Here.

01:43:23.000 We are in.

01:43:23.000 We have.

01:43:25.000 Recommendation.

01:43:27.000 Which one?

01:43:27.000 At Winnie's?

01:43:32.000 Winnie Winnie's.

01:43:34.000 And how is it there?

01:43:38.000 Winnie's karaoke.

01:43:39.000 And how is it?

01:43:40.000 Is it Guy Chinky, by the way?

01:43:44.000 Is it Guy Chinky?

01:43:51.000 The guy behind the bar looks like the ball for Beverly Hills Corp.

01:43:54.000 Trading Places.

01:43:56.000 Oh, right.

01:43:57.000 The guy behind the bar looks like trading places, Beverly Hills Corp.

01:44:03.000 All right, well, how would they think on me?

01:44:05.000 I'm actually shooting a fucking show, by the way, there, big man.

01:44:10.000 All right, cheery bye.

01:44:12.000 See, like those guys, can you come down at 11 o'clock?

01:44:17.000 They're going to be fucking blurred.

01:44:20.000 Yeah.

01:44:20.000 Absolutely plastered.

01:44:23.000 Steaming.

01:44:24.000 That's pretty cool, though.

01:44:25.000 We're getting a call from the Scottish national boxing team.

01:44:29.000 I mean, that's good for the brand.

01:44:31.000 That's better than killing a bunch of fucking slugs on air.

01:44:35.000 I just undid the slug damage you did, Ryan.

01:44:39.000 That was supposed to be private.

01:44:43.000 Ever thought about having Jay Dyer on?

01:44:45.000 Who's that again?

01:44:47.000 He's an Orthodox Christian dude, but he's also a very funny dude.

01:44:50.000 He's on YouTube, very successful, and he's a very cool guy.

01:44:56.000 Great guy.

01:44:57.000 Frankly.

01:44:58.000 Now we have John talk about CNN Plus.

01:45:00.000 Oh, boy.

01:45:03.000 Hey, Gavin, how's it going?

01:45:04.000 Good.

01:45:05.000 How are you?

01:45:06.000 Oh, not so bad.

01:45:08.000 How does it feel to have two and a half times as many subscribers as CNN Plus?

01:45:14.000 I would like to add that we are twice the cost of CNN Plus.

01:45:18.000 They are $5 a month.

01:45:20.000 We are $10 a month.

01:45:22.000 We've been around.

01:45:23.000 How long have we been around for?

01:45:25.000 Like three years now?

01:45:26.000 2019.

01:45:28.000 Do you want to count CR-TV?

01:45:29.000 No.

01:45:30.000 Okay, so in 2019, I believe.

01:45:32.000 So we've been around for three years, and they were around for three months.

01:45:37.000 Those fucking stupid, shitty boomers.

01:45:40.000 They remind me of the CBC and the BBC.

01:45:42.000 In a way, they're state-funded media.

01:45:45.000 Like that massive headquarters right off of Central Park over by Columbus Circle there.

01:45:53.000 The free market is not creating that.

01:45:56.000 That's fucking, that's inflated.

01:45:59.000 I don't know.

01:45:59.000 I feel like this streaming is kind of showing that the free market doesn't want them.

01:46:04.000 Yeah.

01:46:04.000 Oh, absolutely.

01:46:06.000 Absolutely.

01:46:06.000 You're right.

01:46:07.000 You're right.

01:46:07.000 So I should rephrase that.

01:46:09.000 So they were somehow state-funded media, and now we're seeing the free market dip their toes into CNN.

01:46:19.000 I mean, now that Biden's in power, the DNC doesn't need them anymore.

01:46:23.000 What are you showing there, Ryan?

01:46:26.000 So this is the first episode.

01:46:27.000 This is a test.

01:46:28.000 May 8th, 2019.

01:46:30.000 It's almost our birthday.

01:46:31.000 Oh, okay.

01:46:32.000 Should we do something?

01:46:33.000 Sure, yeah.

01:46:34.000 We should get wasted.

01:46:36.000 Don't you love, too, like, that Chris Wallace is, he put all his eggs in that basket and it lasted like a couple months?

01:46:46.000 I know.

01:46:46.000 It's hilarious.

01:46:47.000 Just watching them self-destruct.

01:46:49.000 And even, like, I just read on Reuters, like, even, like, Reuters is saying, like, this is a terrible idea.

01:46:56.000 Like, no one wants it.

01:46:58.000 Yes.

01:46:59.000 Well, I had a friend text me today.

01:47:01.000 He goes, what a red letter day.

01:47:03.000 Musk announced he's got 45 billions of backing to buy Twitter.

01:47:08.000 The Florida legislature shoved a magic wand up Mickey Mouse's ass, and CNN announced that it's shuttering CNN Plus at the end of the month.

01:47:18.000 Chef's kiss.

01:47:20.000 We love to see our enemies.

01:47:21.000 Things are kind of turning around, you know?

01:47:23.000 Maybe.

01:47:24.000 I mean, the midterms are going to be drastic.

01:47:27.000 The midterms are going to be a drastic victory.

01:47:29.000 The real question is, what happens to Joe Biden in the next seven years?

01:47:35.000 I have no answers for that.

01:47:36.000 What do you think?

01:47:40.000 I don't know.

01:47:40.000 I think with the way, I think Josh LaCash said this, but he was talking about when Trevor Noah said, oh, this never would have happened under Trump.

01:47:50.000 I think they're kind of gearing up to just kind of throw him under the bus and get someone else in even before his term is up.

01:47:58.000 That's just how I feel.

01:48:00.000 I think it's just become too obvious that he is just full of dementia, just dripping with dementia.

01:48:08.000 Okay, but you're not off the hook yet, my friend.

01:48:10.000 Who, what, where, when, where, why, how?

01:48:14.000 Like, who replaces Joe Biden and under what auspices?

01:48:18.000 How do they get him out?

01:48:20.000 They say he had a heart attack?

01:48:24.000 Probably, or they just convince him to resign and Kamala.

01:48:29.000 And what does he say?

01:48:30.000 I'm resigning because why?

01:48:34.000 He'll probably say, you know, like, I did what I came here to do.

01:48:38.000 I beat Trump.

01:48:39.000 I'm going to retire to spend more time with my family.

01:48:42.000 I think that's how it's going to shake out.

01:48:44.000 I think especially if the middle of the world is a little bit more than a bigger.

01:48:47.000 That's like an astronaut on his way to outer space to the moon going, I'm actually not going to the moon tomorrow.

01:48:53.000 I want to spend more time with my family.

01:48:58.000 I mean, do you really think he's going to last another year?

01:49:01.000 No one thinks he's going to last, but the trouble is explaining the departure.

01:49:06.000 You need some sort of an accident, maybe a fake assassination attempt that grazes his shoulder.

01:49:12.000 Ow!

01:49:14.000 I don't know.

01:49:15.000 Just show him any Benny Johnson video.

01:49:17.000 Be like, this is fucking why.

01:49:19.000 Okay.

01:49:20.000 All right.

01:49:20.000 Sorry, what did Ryan just say?

01:49:23.000 I said, just show him any Benny Johnson video.

01:49:26.000 Show him a Benny Johnson video.

01:49:28.000 Yeah, it's just his whole feed is just Biden doing retarded shit.

01:49:31.000 Oh, I see.

01:49:31.000 Yep.

01:49:32.000 Anyway, thanks for calling, Caller.

01:49:33.000 But yeah, I'm very interested in the semantics of exercising exactly what we know has to happen.

01:49:41.000 You know, another big win is, so Ethan Klein has been known to attack people's sponsors.

01:49:47.000 Like Tim Heidecker, who got, who helped, along with Vic Berger and Brett Geisman.

01:49:53.000 Brett Gelman and Joe Gelmanstein.

01:49:55.000 Who helped get Sam Hyde booted from his show because they alleged he was, what, hiding swastikas in the background?

01:50:04.000 It was somehow secretly an alt-right show.

01:50:08.000 No, it was just funny, you fucking losers.

01:50:12.000 But just like that, Ethan Klein worked hard to dox his enemies, to attack the sponsors of various shows that he decided were too right-wing.

01:50:26.000 I don't know if I was part of that hit list.

01:50:28.000 I probably was.

01:50:29.000 And Now they're going after him.

01:50:32.000 And Jordan Peterson said this.

01:50:35.000 Yes.

01:50:36.000 He said, Careful of the rabbit hole you're going down, Ethan.

01:50:40.000 Careful of this leftist canceling culture because the left cannibalize themselves and they will eventually come for you.

01:50:48.000 You're playing a dangerous game.

01:50:49.000 This is just like the smallpox blankets.

01:50:53.000 The allegation is that the white man gave the Indians smallpox blankets and the Indians got smallpox and died.

01:51:02.000 No.

01:51:04.000 A general suggested this to his superiors and said, what if we put smallpox in the blankets and then gave them to the Indians and they'd all die?

01:51:12.000 And the superiors said, I like your thinking.

01:51:15.000 I appreciate your sadism, but we'd probably get smallpox.

01:51:20.000 It could become a thing like in the future, the Wuhan lab.

01:51:24.000 I don't want to start a whole COVID thing.

01:51:26.000 Let's not mess with biowarfare and stick to just shooting them in the head.

01:51:31.000 This is what happened with Ethan Klein.

01:51:33.000 He started making smallpox blankets and he sent them out and then he got smallpox and that's where we are today.

01:51:40.000 Great.

01:51:42.000 Thank God.

01:51:45.000 We're almost getting sick of winning.

01:51:46.000 It's beautiful.

01:51:47.000 That should be the name of today's episode.

01:51:49.000 We have no sponsors because I am an existential threat to gay rights and all progress.

01:52:01.000 So, of course, our wonderful fans have taken it upon themselves to write off our sponsors and to have them not sponsor or not to support us.

01:52:14.000 I'll just say this.

01:52:15.000 I'm very thankful to our members because it makes this show kind of bulletproof to stuff like this.

01:52:25.000 It's just painful that people would do that.

01:52:29.000 There it is.

01:52:30.000 Well, when the rabbit got the gun.

01:52:32.000 Exactly.

01:52:34.000 You expect a little more of the sponsors in a way, but I get it.

01:52:38.000 It's just transactional for them.

01:52:39.000 But I feel like I put so much into our good partners.

01:52:45.000 And it's kind of crazy when they just draw you like the bad.

01:52:48.000 Can I just pause it here, just to go off subject for a second?

01:52:52.000 I hate these shows, like the generation, the millennials with Vosh and fucking Ethan, where they're on their computers, and they're just tooling around with no show plan, no prep, just like blabbing like you would if you were hanging out at their house.

01:53:09.000 That's not interesting to me.

01:53:11.000 You shouldn't pay for that.

01:53:12.000 Cancel him.

01:53:14.000 But what else does he say?

01:53:15.000 That was the end of it.

01:53:17.000 Oh, really?

01:53:17.000 I want to see the...

01:53:19.000 Oh, here we go.

01:53:21.000 This is the supercut, I think, of all the homophobic kids.

01:53:24.000 He has some anal leaking.

01:53:25.000 Now, we were saying, well, if he's getting blasted in the ass hard enough, potentially, you may need to wear a diaper.

01:53:32.000 And a lot of you will say, like, okay, we've had a debate.

01:53:36.000 Like, I don't think vaginas increase in size from sex, but assholes actually do.

01:53:41.000 If you have a lot of anal sex, you can actually blast open your anus.

01:53:46.000 Frequent anal sex can result in a blasted open asshole.

01:53:49.000 Maybe he just got railed real hard the night before.

01:53:53.000 So, Matt, what have I got wrong?

01:53:55.000 I know often you feel inclined.

01:53:57.000 So, do you find it offensive if I say by being like, oh, he's probably a bottom?

01:54:01.000 Is that the problem?

01:54:03.000 Absolutely.

01:54:04.000 It's offensive.

01:54:05.000 Because the gay men already, you have to deal with certain assumptions about femininity and masculinity.

01:54:13.000 I mean, it is funny, though.

01:54:15.000 I don't know.

01:54:15.000 I think the problem is that the term power bottom is very funny to me.

01:54:20.000 Sometimes, you know, these alpha men give power bottom vibes.

01:54:26.000 So who is gay?

01:54:26.000 Well, this is all just in one show.

01:54:28.000 I'm watching this episode.

01:54:29.000 Shut the fuck up.

01:54:30.000 I'm pretty sure he's got a long history of...

01:54:33.000 Who cares?

01:54:35.000 You know, it's funny too, because it's like, oh, we'd be totally fine with you saying that.

01:54:40.000 But, you know, he goes on the attack.

01:54:43.000 He doesn't like what other people say.

01:54:45.000 They'll point it out.

01:54:46.000 Make you seem like a bad dude.

01:54:47.000 Didn't he also say anyone says the N-word should be canceled?

01:54:49.000 And then there's another clip of him really enjoying the hard R?

01:54:53.000 No, he's saying it left and right.

01:54:54.000 Yeah.

01:54:55.000 Gavin.

01:54:55.000 Who cares?

01:54:56.000 I'm actually getting embarrassed that we're talking about him.

01:54:58.000 We've got five minutes left.

01:54:59.000 Let's take some calls.

01:55:00.000 My show is tomorrow, by the way.

01:55:02.000 Celebrity mail, thank you for inviting me to read the People's Mail.

01:55:06.000 You're a gift.

01:55:06.000 It'll be up there at 11 a.m.

01:55:10.000 Oh, Jim, you're on the line, 801.

01:55:14.000 Dog.

01:55:15.000 Hello, Bedwetter, Father Felter, and my man Maddie.

01:55:18.000 I need some counsel.

01:55:19.000 Can you guys help me, please?

01:55:21.000 Yes.

01:55:22.000 I'd like to discuss the trauma caused to me.

01:55:27.000 I know this is kind of going back a while, but when you were fired, Ryan, you know, I was at my local down here at George's Oasis Bar in Dominican Republic, you know.

01:55:38.000 Dominican runs like heroin.

01:55:41.000 Just passed it.

01:55:42.000 And I made a very angry email, a curt email to you.

01:55:48.000 And I was so...

01:55:49.000 And before that, I reached out to Ryan for support.

01:55:51.000 When I interviewed Josh Denny, he said I was a fish.

01:55:54.000 This was all a bit.

01:55:56.000 And I stayed on his and I pulled the punch.

01:55:58.000 I didn't send the email.

01:56:01.000 But please tell me that these things growing on the side of my neck are not Gills and Nick.

01:56:06.000 Like, you really did fire the guy, right?

01:56:09.000 And hired him back.

01:56:10.000 It hurt, man.

01:56:12.000 I almost canceled my subscription.

01:56:14.000 To be honest.

01:56:15.000 Please, please.

01:56:16.000 I fired him so many times.

01:56:18.000 I can't remember which one was real and which one was a bit.

01:56:21.000 But I think it's pretty inevitable that Ryan will be fired.

01:56:24.000 He's an imbecile.

01:56:26.000 I'm too badass.

01:56:27.000 He's going to make some dumb demands, and it's going to be untenable, and he'll be let go.

01:56:32.000 And we'll lose, like, I don't know, 10%, 15% of our subs, and we'll move on.

01:56:38.000 The callers suck tonight, and I think they give us a bad name.

01:56:41.000 But please show me Trudeau saying he's a retard.

01:56:45.000 And give me back my show notes.

01:56:46.000 I'm oot.

01:56:48.000 How's it going with you for calling?

01:56:50.000 With your online girlfriend.

01:56:52.000 Remember him with the fake online girlfriend?

01:56:54.000 Is that who that was?

01:56:56.000 Yeah.

01:56:56.000 Jim Fannin.

01:56:57.000 Jim Fannon.

01:56:59.000 Yeah, let's pull up that Justin Trudeau thing.

01:57:02.000 Do you know what he's talking about?

01:57:05.000 It's an old clip that just aired of Justin Trudeau claiming the email is called Justin Trudeau's Disability Explained by Him.

01:57:15.000 And he talks about how he's dysnumeric and he can't do basic arithmetic.

01:57:23.000 It makes me worry that Fidel Castro was a retard.

01:57:27.000 I mean, Margaret Trudeau is a dumb slut, but did Justin get all the dumb slut genes?

01:57:33.000 Or is Fidel also a fucking imbecile?

01:57:39.000 Because, you know, he's Spanish.

01:57:41.000 We didn't know really what he was saying.

01:57:43.000 Maybe Fidel Castro is just as dumb as his son.

01:57:48.000 I have a little confession to make.

01:57:51.000 I have a slight learning disability.

01:57:54.000 Wow.

01:57:55.000 I am dysnumeric.

01:57:57.000 This is the leader of the largest country next to Russia.

01:58:01.000 To handle small numbers and little calculations, those easy things that people do so well.

01:58:08.000 13 plus 14.

01:58:11.000 27.

01:58:12.000 27.

01:58:13.000 Under pressure, it's even worse.

01:58:14.000 So, I mean, if I pick up numbers, I'm trying to do it.

01:58:18.000 2 plus 3 minus 1 times 2 minus 4 plus 2.

01:58:25.000 How many people followed that?

01:58:27.000 Well, we didn't know we were doing a thing.

01:58:30.000 6.

01:58:31.000 Do it again.

01:58:33.000 Let me see if I can do it.

01:58:34.000 Let me see how dysnumeric I am.

01:58:36.000 2 plus.

01:58:38.000 Wait, go back.

01:58:43.000 2 plus 3.

01:58:45.000 5.

01:58:46.000 1.

01:58:46.000 4.

01:58:48.000 8.

01:58:50.000 4.

01:58:50.000 2.

01:58:51.000 How many people follow that?

01:58:53.000 Maddie got it.

01:58:55.000 You can't do that?

01:58:56.000 Leader of a massive fucking country with the population of Britain and the size of...

01:59:03.000 America.

01:59:04.000 No, bigger than America.

01:59:06.000 Yeah, but nobody lives up the way up.

01:59:08.000 Okay.

01:59:09.000 Still a lot of land to be in charge of.

01:59:11.000 Yeah, that's true.

01:59:13.000 I know the top part's literally called none of it, but a lot of it is important.

01:59:19.000 At least 150.

01:59:20.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:59:21.000 Says Fidel Castro.

01:59:24.000 His speeches were tour de force.

01:59:27.000 Took for hours with a lot to say.

01:59:29.000 Oh, my God.

01:59:30.000 That Cas Dean is the problem with my home country.

01:59:34.000 Okay, let's do one more column.

01:59:35.000 We're out of here.

01:59:41.000 541.

01:59:42.000 I looked up Discomeric.

01:59:44.000 It does exist in the English language, but it's very, very hard to find.

01:59:49.000 It doesn't come up a lot.

01:59:51.000 It's called Idiot.

01:59:53.000 What's going on, Colin?

01:59:56.000 Hey.

01:59:58.000 Hello.

01:59:59.000 Can you guys hear me?

02:00:00.000 Yeah.

02:00:00.000 You sure can.

02:00:03.000 Alright, well, I've got to admit something.

02:00:05.000 I'm the one who took a shit on Johnny Depp's bed.

02:00:08.000 Oh!

02:00:08.000 Oh.

02:00:10.000 Why did you do that?

02:00:11.000 I'm a serial shitter.

02:00:14.000 Why did you do that?

02:00:15.000 Why did Amber let you in the house?

02:00:17.000 East Coast lately.

02:00:19.000 Nice.

02:00:20.000 You know what?

02:00:21.000 You ruined their marriage.

02:00:23.000 They're in court right now because of that shit, you shithead.

02:00:26.000 Literally.

02:00:26.000 It was a juicy one.

02:00:28.000 A big fucking juicy one.

02:00:30.000 What are you bragging about?

02:00:32.000 Your fucking irresponsible feces has destroyed a loving relationship.

02:00:38.000 You're a fucking piece of shit, man.

02:00:39.000 Yeah, you are the shit that you shit in that bed, you fucker.

02:00:43.000 Fuck you, dude.

02:00:44.000 I dropped a brown jihad right in the middle of that motherfucker.

02:00:46.000 Fuck you.

02:00:47.000 You know what?

02:00:47.000 This show's over.

02:00:48.000 I'll fucking drink.

02:00:49.000 Bring up on him.

02:00:50.000 Get fired.

02:00:51.000 Get in trouble.

02:00:52.000 Be brave and never stop fighting.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - April 22, 2022

GOML LIVE #145 - SICK OF WINNING

Episode Stats

Length

Words per Minute

Word Count

Sentence Count

Misogynist Sentences

Hate Speech Sentences

Summary

Transcript