Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - May 06, 2022


GOML LIVE #147 - COPS AND CRIMINALS (Part 1)

Topics
hi-vis tees urinating on pants famous movie stars getting wasted and beating each other silver investment
Hosted by
Gavin McInnes
Mentioned
Ryan Superman Ripley Johnny Apple CBD Dude Michael Jackson Matty O'Dell Brian Obama Elizabeth Taylor Gavin McGinnis Keith Richards Johnny Depp Joe Biden Mark Harry Became Sally Bobby P. Crystal Matthew McConaughey Johnny Appleseed Hunter S. Thompson and 39 more
S4E111 - BLACK EXTREMISM S4E113 - ABORTION WARS

Episode Stats


Length

52 minutes

Words per minute

154.04

Word count

8,118

Sentence count

1,088

Harmful content

Misogyny

45

sentences flagged

Toxicity

317

sentences flagged

Hate speech

42

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

This week on Off My Lawn, the boys discuss the lyrics of the song "Don't Blow No Bubbles" by Gavin Mcinnis and how it ties into the Michael Jackson song "M.O.W.E.A.R.T." The boys also discuss the fact that the song is about a monkey, not a gay man, and how that's a good thing. They also talk about Sheryl Crow and how she looks nothing like her former husband, Sheryl Crows. Also, they talk about how Howard Stern should be an animal rights activist because he's obsessed with animal rights and Howard is obsessed with his dick. And they discuss how a guy named Matty could be gay if he had a big dick like a chimpanzee. Also, Matty and Matty talk about why they don't think Matty should be gay and why they think he's gay. And they also discuss why they believe that Matty's wife is a lesbian and why he should get a vasectomy. Don't be mad at Matty, you're not gay, he's not gay! And finally, they answer the question, is Matty gay, is he gay? Is he gay, or is he a lesbian, or not? and does he have a penis? And does that make him gay? And does he like his wife have a dick? ? and what does that have anything to do with his balls? All of these questions are answered in this week's episode of Off My Lawn. . (featuring special guest Jeff Perla! . . . and much more with a special guest, in this weeks episode of On My Lawn with Gavin McGinnis. with Gavin Mcnuss Gav & Andy & Gav Mcniss is a guest of the boys of the band, Gav and Gav - Gav is a guy who does not give a fuck about anything that s not gay or not by Gav's wife. GAV and GAVY! with Gav has a dick. GAV is a man who doesn t give a shit about his dick, so Gav s dick, but GAV has a lot of dicks about his wife s ass. and he does it for GAV'S dick, GAVIE has a heart.

Transcript

Transcripts from "Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:13.000 Alright!
00:00:16.000 It's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McGinnis! 1.00
00:00:52.000 That is one of the craziest songs in the fucking world. 1.00
00:00:57.000 That is HR. 0.99
00:00:59.000 Human Rights is his name.
00:01:01.000 And he's singing Don't Blow No Bubbles, which is...
00:01:08.000 An anti-gay diatribe, really. 1.00
00:01:10.000 I think HR is gay. 1.00
00:01:12.000 He once broke in, allegedly, to his record label's headquarters in drag with a gun in a paper bag and a skirt and high-heeled shoes. 0.97
00:01:23.000 Go back to the picture of this, you can see who I'm talking about.
00:01:26.000 This is what I'm told.
00:01:27.000 This guy there in the middle.
00:01:29.000 And he said, I need my check.
00:01:31.000 And they're like, dude, we sent you your check.
00:01:32.000 Just like Vin Diesel the other day.
00:01:35.000 Like, you get your check through the... We're not holding your check.
00:01:39.000 And then he starts prancing around, allegedly going, now everybody's gonna know.
00:01:43.000 Now everybody's gonna know. 0.99
00:01:46.000 So I think he's a gay. 1.00
00:01:47.000 But they were a pretty anti-gay group because they're Rastafarians and the Jamaicans are not big on menstrual cycles and homosexuals. 0.97
00:01:59.000 I think we all hate one of those things. 0.90
00:02:03.000 And so, uh, when the bad brain stayed at the big boys house in Texas, big boys were a really cool gay hardcore band. 0.99
00:02:11.000 They wrote blood clot faggot on, uh, on their home. 1.00
00:02:17.000 And I interviewed Daryl Jennifer, the bassist from the band or guitarist. 0.99
00:02:20.000 I don't know.
00:02:21.000 I said, what was going on with that? 1.00
00:02:23.000 And he said, HR is a very creative motherfucker. 0.99
00:02:26.000 He's a very creative individual. 0.99
00:02:30.000 Okay.
00:02:30.000 That's actually a good answer, isn't it?
00:02:34.000 And I was reminded of that song.
00:02:36.000 So that song, Don't Blow No Bubbles, has lyrics like, Don't blow no bubbles, meaning don't suck off the monkey bubbles.
00:02:45.000 Because he was under the impression that Michael Jackson was filleting his pet monkey. 1.00
00:02:50.000 Sucking his little weird monkey dick. 1.00
00:02:52.000 Which I didn't know you could do. 1.00
00:02:54.000 Can you do that?
00:02:55.000 Don't look at me.
00:02:57.000 I gotta try, that's on my bucket list. 1.00
00:02:59.000 That's on my fuck it list, fuck monkey. 1.00
00:03:04.000 But also in that song he says, don't blow no spikes! 1.00
00:03:08.000 Which is, as Matty would know, spikes is... Hypodermic needle?
00:03:12.000 No, no hypes?
00:03:14.000 No pipes.
00:03:14.000 No pipes.
00:03:15.000 So hypodermic needle spike.
00:03:18.000 So you're not allowed to do that.
00:03:19.000 And he's saying it's the way you can stop the AIDS.
00:03:22.000 So don't blow monkeys. 0.99
00:03:25.000 Don't be gay is the subtext. 1.00
00:03:27.000 Don't have intravenous drug use. 0.94
00:03:31.000 And then he says ask Jah and he'll make the change. 0.88
00:03:34.000 Meaning pray to your God and he'll help you be un-gay. 1.00
00:03:38.000 Well, that makes sense now, because at first they thought AIDS came from guys fucking monkeys. 1.00
00:03:45.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99
00:03:46.000 And maybe they got that confused.
00:03:48.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:03:48.000 And he was like, it came from gays regularly fucking monkeys. 1.00
00:03:52.000 Well, people. 1.00
00:03:53.000 I don't know if they were. 1.00
00:03:55.000 Does that make you gay if you fuck a monkey? 1.00
00:03:58.000 A guy monkey? 1.00
00:03:59.000 That's bestiality. 1.00
00:04:00.000 I've fucked a lot of animals in my time. 1.00
00:04:04.000 But I pull up the clip of Sheryl Crow. 0.98
00:04:06.000 I'll get to introducing the show in a second here.
00:04:08.000 But I'm still talking about the intro song. 0.99
00:04:11.000 She's fucking 60, dude. 1.00
00:04:14.000 More like 60. 1.00
00:04:16.000 If my wife looked like that at 60, I'm gonna fuck her. 1.00
00:04:21.000 Right in the vagina. 1.00
00:04:24.000 Mark my words. 1.00
00:04:26.000 I marked them down.
00:04:27.000 If my wife looks like that in 15 years, she's a getting laid. 1.00
00:04:33.000 That's Sheryl Crow? 1.00
00:04:34.000 Yeah.
00:04:35.000 Looks nothing like her.
00:04:37.000 Okay, then I hereby condone plastic surgery starting now.
00:04:43.000 Anyway, click of the thing.
00:04:44.000 Click of the thing, yeah.
00:04:46.000 The biggest pop star in the world, watching Amos and Andy, and then the chimpanzee is there in the room with you.
00:04:52.000 Bubbles.
00:04:53.000 And in order to discipline the chimpanzee, he starts poking him with a pen in the chest.
00:04:57.000 What's a chimpanzee?
00:04:58.000 You mean a chimpanzee?
00:04:58.000 I got so offended.
00:05:00.000 No, it's like a kind of a fruity chimp.
00:05:02.000 A chimpanzee.
00:05:02.000 A chimpanzee.
00:05:04.000 Yeah.
00:05:05.000 Look up the pronunciation of that.
00:05:07.000 That can't be right.
00:05:08.000 A chimpanzee?
00:05:09.000 A chimpanzee? 1.00
00:05:12.000 And you know Howard Stern is pretending to be an animal rights dude because the person who sucks his dick is obsessed with animal rights. 1.00
00:05:19.000 So he's pretending that he gives a fuck about a monkey from a hundred years ago. 0.99
00:05:24.000 Dude, she's had a lot of work done. 0.98
00:05:25.000 Dude, my self-control, not doing racist jokes right now, is... I deserve a Purple Heart.
00:05:33.000 Yeah, chimpanzee.
00:05:36.000 I would even give the Z a little more oomph. 0.99
00:05:40.000 Like the champ, the Tappan Zee Bridge?
00:05:43.000 The Tappan Zee Bridge. 1.00
00:05:45.000 He fucked my head up. 0.99
00:05:46.000 Now I don't even know how to say it. 1.00
00:05:48.000 Chimpanzee.
00:05:49.000 Chimpanzee.
00:05:51.000 What did she say?
00:05:52.000 Chimpanzee.
00:05:53.000 Chimpanzee.
00:05:53.000 Doesn't sound right either.
00:05:54.000 It's like my parents call teepees, tepees.
00:05:58.000 You can't do that.
00:05:59.000 And tattoos, tattoos.
00:06:01.000 Chimpanzee.
00:06:03.000 Chimpanzee.
00:06:04.000 No, that's a major bridge that gets you to Nyack.
00:06:08.000 The Tappan Zee. 0.99
00:06:09.000 The Tappan Zee ass bridge. 1.00
00:06:11.000 Anyway, go back to this fucking... Chimpanzee. 1.00
00:06:14.000 Yeah, that's it.
00:06:15.000 It's chimpanzee.
00:06:19.000 Chimpanzee.
00:06:22.000 If you love chimpanzees so much, how come you've never said the word before?
00:06:27.000 Go ahead.
00:06:29.000 ...that he was poking this poor little chimpanzee in the chest with a pen.
00:06:33.000 You must have been appalled.
00:06:36.000 Well, this poor little chimpanzee that could have picked him up and thrown him out the window.
00:06:40.000 Now she's using his pronunciation.
00:06:42.000 Do not seem rude. 0.76
00:06:43.000 Because she doesn't want to seem dumb, so she's like, wow, his wife's an animal rights person, that must be how you say it. 0.96
00:06:49.000 Chimpanzee. 0.97
00:06:52.000 What's next, albinos? 0.99
00:06:54.000 And ripped his face off. 0.99
00:06:55.000 And ripped his face off, yeah. 0.93
00:06:57.000 I'm just trying to like, I'm just trying to like stay in my body because Michael's laughing at Amos Nanny and throwing popcorn and poking bubbles in the chest.
00:07:08.000 And I'm just this, you know, girl who just moved to LA seven months ago who used to be a school teacher.
00:07:16.000 You're sitting there with Michael Jackson, the biggest pop star in the world.
00:07:18.000 Anyway, don't blow your monkey. 0.67
00:07:21.000 Don't blow no bubbles.
00:07:22.000 It's the way you can stop the AIDS.
00:07:24.000 Let's start the show.
00:07:25.000 Welcome to Get Off My Lawn Live.
00:07:28.000 We are here with Matty O'Dell, the co-host of the show.
00:07:31.000 What's up everybody?
00:07:32.000 Good to be seen.
00:07:33.000 Good to be here.
00:07:34.000 He just finished a fantastic Matty's Shitty Little Kitchen where he made scotch pies.
00:07:39.000 Yeah.
00:07:39.000 Which were delicious.
00:07:40.000 I hope everyone enjoys that as much as I did making them.
00:07:43.000 Little heavy on the pepper.
00:07:46.000 White pepper next time.
00:07:47.000 White pepper.
00:07:48.000 Just a sprinkle.
00:07:49.000 And we have a special guest.
00:07:51.000 Sylvia is not back.
00:07:54.000 There's Tim Dickman, retired state trooper.
00:07:58.000 He has had a severe accident, road accident, so he can't really speak.
00:08:05.000 Hello everybody.
00:08:06.000 That's pretty good.
00:08:07.000 Thanks for having me here.
00:08:08.000 Happy to be here.
00:08:10.000 Yeah, see?
00:08:12.000 He has brain damage.
00:08:13.000 He can't talk correctly.
00:08:16.000 We did our thing where we said, hey, can you guys send us hi-vis tees?
00:08:23.000 Dude, we're drowning in hi-vis tees now!
00:08:26.000 That's what we're all wearing.
00:08:27.000 I'm going to send you guys a hi-vis tee for sending it to us.
00:08:30.000 We got a lot from Maluma Wood.
00:08:32.000 What do we got here?
00:08:34.000 Look at all our awesome hi-vis tees.
00:08:37.000 Safety First from Bon Giorno Construction
00:08:43.000 Injury lawyers, they sound like ambulance chasers.
00:08:47.000 It's not construction, it's Buongiorno.
00:08:50.000 Central paving!
00:08:53.000 We got... Safety, productivity, quality over at Ricoh.
00:09:02.000 We got... More central paving, more central paving.
00:09:07.000 When you guys sent me these, you didn't tell me what size you want in return.
00:09:12.000 Classic Alumawood covers.
00:09:16.000 I don't know what Alumawood is.
00:09:17.000 I assume it's a combination of aluminum and wood.
00:09:20.000 They're getting free advertising here.
00:09:22.000 Look how cool their merch is though.
00:09:25.000 They build.
00:09:28.000 There you go.
00:09:29.000 Build it and they will come. 1.00
00:09:32.000 What does yours say Ryan?
00:09:33.000 Skate or die?
00:09:34.000 Pave or die? 1.00
00:09:35.000 Shade or die? 0.94
00:09:37.000 Shade or dye.
00:09:38.000 That's the winner there.
00:09:39.000 Screw guns.
00:09:41.000 Royalty Electric, of course.
00:09:44.000 It's electric.
00:09:46.000 And then some people just like bought a shirt.
00:09:48.000 Like I got this Pepsi sweatshirt.
00:09:50.000 It still has the tag on it.
00:09:52.000 Yeah, it's for the high-vis drivers when they're delivering.
00:09:55.000 I picked up my son from baseball today and I go,
00:10:02.000 I got all my high-vis tees.
00:10:04.000 They're all your size.
00:10:05.000 You're a large. 1.00
00:10:06.000 And he's like, you look like, you look ridiculous in that thing. 1.00
00:10:11.000 I'm like, dude! 0.99
00:10:13.000 We live in a wealthy neighborhood.
00:10:15.000 The only concern the neighbors, the parents at your school have, is that you join the old boys club.
00:10:22.000 Not you per se, but their kids.
00:10:24.000 And don't dilute the brand. 1.00
00:10:28.000 Don't fucking marry a working class person. 1.00
00:10:31.000 Stay upper middle class. 1.00
00:10:33.000 Don't learn a trade.
00:10:35.000 Don't blow it for us.
00:10:37.000 They don't want their daughters to marry the top plumber in New York State who, by the way, earns, if you work for the city like Giuliani, or sorry, Eric Adams, and you're a plumber, you're looking at 300 grand a year.
00:10:50.000 They'd much rather they marry a guy in finance who makes 100 grand a year, because he's part of that echelon.
00:10:58.000 So you wearing these shirts would be revolutionary. 0.99
00:11:03.000 But you can't fucking talk to kids. 0.99
00:11:06.000 No. 1.00
00:11:06.000 You both have teenage boys. 1.00
00:11:08.000 Well, you're teenage boys 10 years past teenagehood.
00:11:11.000 He's 26.
00:11:11.000 He'll be 27 in August.
00:11:14.000 But Tim, you have a teenage son.
00:11:16.000 Yup.
00:11:17.000 Does he like you?
00:11:17.000 He's starting to like me.
00:11:20.000 You gotta hold the mic closer. 1.00
00:11:22.000 Hold the mic like it's The Rock's dick. 0.99
00:11:27.000 But he didn't like you for the past three years. 0.99
00:11:30.000 He hated me.
00:11:31.000 So when did the hate start?
00:11:32.000 Thirteen?
00:11:34.000 Oh, hate started right at high school.
00:11:36.000 So like, yeah, fourteen maybe?
00:11:38.000 Yeah, that's what I got.
00:11:40.000 Yep.
00:11:41.000 You know, I had to start disciplining him.
00:11:43.000 Right. 0.99
00:11:44.000 Well, it becomes an adversarial relationship, which I assume, you guys are cops and criminals, which I assume is like a cop-criminal dynamic, where you're like, don't fuck with me, I won't fuck with you, but we're not friends. 0.99
00:11:58.000 I'm not relaxing on your watch. 0.98
00:12:01.000 I mean, discipline is the word, but you start to hold them more accountable for their actions as a person.
00:12:07.000 And then with their accountability, or lack thereof, then you gotta discipline.
00:12:12.000 Well, I'm also at zero tolerance.
00:12:14.000 Like, he comes downstairs last night, and he goes, the laundry room is behind Gav's Tav, my home bar. 0.99
00:12:22.000 And I said to them, no more fucking laundry. 0.99
00:12:25.000 You can do laundry once a week. 1.00
00:12:26.000 I do a laundry once a month.
00:12:28.000 I have a million pairs of socks and underwear, and I wear the same outer shirts, you know, a lot.
00:12:34.000 So, uh, you know, if you're not working on a farm, you don't need to do laundry.
00:12:39.000 So I go, you can do laundry once a week. 1.00
00:12:41.000 Cause what these fuckers do is they have their favorite pants. 1.00
00:12:44.000 So they just wash the pants and then dry the pants. 1.00
00:12:46.000 And our Con Ed bill was, it's not, it was 30 bucks a day this month, but previously it was 50 bucks a day.
00:12:55.000 So no, we're stopping.
00:12:57.000 So I catch him outside GazTav last night.
00:13:00.000 And I'm like, what's going on?
00:13:01.000 He goes, doing the laundry. 1.00
00:13:03.000 Like everything I say is the stupidest thing in the world. 1.00
00:13:07.000 Like where's Africa? 1.00
00:13:10.000 It's the whole fucking continent, dude. 1.00
00:13:13.000 It's like below Europe, like get it together. 0.99
00:13:16.000 So I'm not asking that, I'm saying what are you doing?
00:13:18.000 And he goes, doing the laundry.
00:13:20.000 I gotta wear khakis for baseball.
00:13:22.000 Okay, well you seem to have quite a load there. 0.99
00:13:26.000 I had outlawed washing your clothes too much, so he had stacked up his pile with clean clothes, and I go, what the fuck are these? 0.98
00:13:36.000 They're my wife's lululemons. 0.97
00:13:38.000 What are these doing in the pile?
00:13:39.000 He goes, oh no, she left them on my floor.
00:13:43.000 First of all, it's not she.
00:13:44.000 Yeah.
00:13:45.000 It's mom.
00:13:46.000 Don't call her she.
00:13:47.000 Is that a cow?
00:13:49.000 You're doing your mother's laundry now?
00:13:51.000 Or are you fluffing up? 0.99
00:13:53.000 I mean, I kind of appreciate it because it shows that he's going to become a hustler and fuck over the IRS one day. 0.99
00:14:00.000 That's good. 0.99
00:14:01.000 But I'm the IRS in this house.
00:14:04.000 So show me the stain on your pants and we'll scrub that out. 0.99
00:14:08.000 The IRS? 1.00
00:14:10.000 Irate, retarded Scottishman? 1.00
00:14:14.000 Well, the irony is the stain on his pants was actually impossible to get out. 0.99
00:14:17.000 It was a menstrual stain.
00:14:18.000 Ew! 0.98
00:14:18.000 Because my son is trans. 0.98
00:14:20.000 Oh, I see.
00:14:21.000 He was born female.
00:14:22.000 Oh! 0.60
00:14:23.000 Yeah.
00:14:23.000 Did not know that.
00:14:24.000 I never told you that?
00:14:25.000 No, it's a good transition.
00:14:27.000 Yeah, he didn't get top surgery.
00:14:29.000 He straps his breasts. 1.00
00:14:31.000 He has huge tits. 1.00
00:14:34.000 Big fucking tits! 1.00
00:14:36.000 So he uses duct tape and polyurethane. 1.00
00:14:40.000 So he gets rashes.
00:14:42.000 I would imagine.
00:14:43.000 Yeah, there's so much plastic under his arm.
00:14:44.000 He can't breathe.
00:14:45.000 Yeah.
00:14:46.000 The skin.
00:14:47.000 It's the new corset.
00:14:52.000 Um, so, as you know, we take calls, we promote our sponsors on these shows.
00:14:57.000 I don't have our sponsors list, by the way.
00:14:59.000 Yeah, I messaged our guy, and I said, hey.
00:15:02.000 And, uh, FOP?
00:15:04.000 FOP Medals.
00:15:05.000 FOP Medals.
00:15:06.000 FOP Medals, selling silver.
00:15:07.000 So, we do the first part of the show free, and then we just take calls, we do a live chat, and we answer emails.
00:15:15.000 And you obviously can ask a cop or a criminal.
00:15:18.000 I want to bring back our game show today, Cop or a Criminal.
00:15:21.000 Let me just, for the first callers, let me just pull up a random text, right?
00:15:28.000 From either a cop or a criminal, and you have to decide who texted me.
00:15:34.000 Okay?
00:15:35.000 I'm gonna have to go into Instagram for this particular one.
00:15:42.000 Okay?
00:15:44.000 And he says... He's sending this cop or criminal.
00:15:51.000 He's sending an article that says, a 2021 F freedom information request revealed the CDC purchased cell phone location data to track citizens movement and compliance. 0.99
00:16:04.000 And this person who sent me this added with the link, he added, this is fucked up. 1.00
00:16:10.000 These fuckers lied. 1.00
00:16:14.000 Okay? 1.00
00:16:15.000 So that's all I'm telling you.
00:16:17.000 And when callers call in, we'll try to decide if that's a cop or a criminal.
00:16:24.000 But before we get to any of that, I guess we have to discuss things that will be old news by tomorrow.
00:16:30.000 Madison Cawthorn has been doxxed for humping a guy's face. 1.00
00:16:35.000 And I'm glad you two are here, actually, because I have a feeling, coming from a European city, like Montreal and Ottawa and Canada, European culture, you're going to be more offended by this than I am. 0.73
00:16:50.000 Ryan, can you play the first link where I say, sorry, but this is funny.
00:16:55.000 So this is, they say Madison Cawthorn is over now because of this. 0.67
00:16:59.000 One of the hairiest butt cracks I've ever seen. 0.63
00:17:02.000 Turn it up.
00:17:04.000 Someone added Benny Hill music.
00:17:12.000 So that's his friend there.
00:17:14.000 And as you know, his lower half doesn't work. 1.00
00:17:16.000 He seems to be dangling his penis, his presumably dead penis, on his friend's face. 1.00
00:17:26.000 Um, you guys both come from very machismo cultures. 1.00
00:17:30.000 I've done this kind of shit one billion times. 0.98
00:17:34.000 In fact, Ryan, when we last did our, you do the State of the Union with Sensor TV where we meet the accountants and the tech guy and we all rent a hotel room and we go over all the paperwork and see what costs too much and what costs too little and we party and get wasted. 0.99
00:17:50.000 And I broke into our tech guy's room nude and slithered into bed with him and started grabbing him as he screamed hysterically.
00:18:00.000 I consider that to be top-notch humor.
00:18:02.000 So the guy that was humping the other person's face was in the wheelchair?
00:18:06.000 No, that's Madison Cawthorn.
00:18:07.000 I don't know who that is.
00:18:10.000 He's a Republican congressional candidate.
00:18:13.000 What is he now?
00:18:15.000 He's a very prominent dude.
00:18:18.000 Maybe go up.
00:18:21.000 Click on him.
00:18:23.000 He's running for North Carolina.
00:18:25.000 Honored to serve as a congressman for North Carolina's 11th district.
00:18:28.000 America first.
00:18:29.000 He's in a chair.
00:18:30.000 He can stand up with a bunch of harnesses.
00:18:35.000 But, um... It goes back to, like, with Kavanaugh, they said, he fucking jumped on some naked people that were fucking, and he was nude. 0.99
00:18:45.000 He raped them. 1.00
00:18:46.000 And you're like, no, he... funnied them. 0.99
00:18:48.000 Well, we don't know who the person underneath him is, and... Why does it matter?
00:18:53.000 Who knows if it's consensual or not?
00:18:54.000 He says it was his cousin.
00:18:56.000 And he was making... it was a funny thing.
00:18:58.000 Wait, are you arguing whether it's rape or not?
00:19:01.000 Whether it's funny or not?
00:19:03.000 Oh, it's funny as hell!
00:19:04.000 Yeah! 0.96
00:19:05.000 Imagine you're at your cousin's house or your friend's house, and he's a gimp, and like Crip Daddy. 1.00
00:19:11.000 If Crip Daddy, I was sleeping in a hotel, we shared a hotel room, and he started slithering over to me with his little praying mantis arms and rubbed his dick on my face, I would be laughing and punching him. 0.99
00:19:22.000 It would not be blackmail material. 0.99
00:19:24.000 No.
00:19:26.000 Like, you're not, it's not like the guy has a boner and he's going, oh yeah. 0.87
00:19:31.000 It's not rape.
00:19:34.000 What do you think, Tim?
00:19:35.000 Ironically named Dick Man.
00:19:37.000 Who's the guy he's humping?
00:19:39.000 Just some random buddy, like a cousin or something.
00:19:41.000 And he has no problem with it?
00:19:43.000 He's laughing his head off.
00:19:44.000 Oh.
00:19:45.000 That's no problem.
00:19:46.000 I've done worse.
00:19:48.000 I've done worse today.
00:19:49.000 Dude, you know what I did today?
00:19:51.000 I came in here, the ladder that the ghetto blaster's on was in my way. 0.99
00:19:56.000 I said, what the fuck is this doing here? 1.00
00:19:58.000 I kicked it over and then I pulled up my dick and I pissed on it. 1.00
00:20:02.000 And you were like, this is what I think of your ladder, pointing at me. 1.00
00:20:05.000 Yeah, I said I hate your fucking ladder and I pissed on it. 0.99
00:20:08.000 Of course I had to run out of the room and finish my piss in the bathroom. 1.00
00:20:11.000 And then clean up the piss. 1.00
00:20:13.000 It's your ladder.
00:20:13.000 It's not mine.
00:20:15.000 We have a whole episode where I'm in the bath nude with Ryan, constantly rubbing my feet in his face, trying to make him uncomfortable.
00:20:22.000 And Ryan's cowering in the corner like... Yeah, I did not like it.
00:20:27.000 There's too much of indecence.
00:20:28.000 I believe it's in this bumper.
00:20:30.000 Dude, in the 80s?
00:20:31.000 Yeah, there it is.
00:20:32.000 That's me nude. 0.62
00:20:33.000 Hey. 0.99
00:20:35.000 In the 80s, we used to pull out our dicks and just piss on guys. 0.99
00:20:39.000 I mean, our friends. 0.99
00:20:40.000 So what you do is you walk up to your buddy, you pull out your dick at a bush bash or something, and you start urinating on his pants, but you don't obviously tell him, and you go, hey man, I gotta talk to you. 0.99
00:20:50.000 There's some weird shit going on with Brian. 0.99
00:20:52.000 Like, I feel like he's, it's like he's mad, but he's not showing it. 0.98
00:20:57.000 And then the guy's wondering why you're gossiping for the first time ever.
00:21:00.000 And then inevitably you start cracking up.
00:21:02.000 And you go, I don't know why Brian is so mad.
00:21:06.000 And then he's like, why is this guy enjoying this story so much? 0.99
00:21:10.000 And then he looks down and goes, oh, for fuck's sake! 0.99
00:21:13.000 Because piss is body temperature. 0.99
00:21:16.000 So you don't feel it on your leg.
00:21:18.000 It's going from body to body.
00:21:20.000 I'm cracking up just talking about it.
00:21:24.000 A bush bash.
00:21:25.000 Bush bash.
00:21:26.000 Partying out in the woods.
00:21:27.000 It's the only way we could party in the suburbs.
00:21:31.000 I guess we should discuss, we haven't, we're 25 minutes in, we haven't even discussed our sponsors yet, who dominate the first quarter of the show.
00:21:39.000 Let's start with BeardVet.
00:21:42.000 Like all of our sponsors, for some bizarre reason, they're all vets. 0.99
00:21:47.000 Cops, vets, and criminals seem to be the demographic of this show.
00:21:51.000 And BeardVet provides two things.
00:21:54.000 Fantastic coffee, especially the brand we drink here at the studio, El Diablo.
00:22:00.000 And beard grooming products.
00:22:03.000 Now my beard's a little small for beard grooming.
00:22:06.000 Whoa, look at this new view!
00:22:08.000 Hey now!
00:22:08.000 Wow!
00:22:11.000 It's not perfect.
00:22:12.000 Was Ryan actually working?
00:22:13.000 Ryan, I said I want it over your head.
00:22:14.000 I know, I just got to get something to affix it to.
00:22:19.000 Yeah, young people don't understand affixing things.
00:22:26.000 They don't understand, like, get a stick and a clamp.
00:22:28.000 Like, they don't know what a vice is.
00:22:30.000 Or a plumbing clamp.
00:22:31.000 But anyway.
00:22:33.000 Yeah, we drink the Diablo coffee.
00:22:36.000 It is a wild ride.
00:22:37.000 Very intense, gets you going.
00:22:39.000 I'm starting to think there's only like a couple drugs in the world. 1.00
00:22:44.000 Caffeine is fucking everywhere. 1.00
00:22:45.000 All that pre-workout shit is just caffeine and sugar. 1.00
00:22:50.000 Mountain Dew, Red Bulls, Fortune, all just caffeine. 1.00
00:22:54.000 Now, in the illegal world, there's opioids, there's heroin and cocaine, but that's basically it.
00:23:02.000 And caffeine is... Don't forget my favorite.
00:23:05.000 Bobby P. Crystal meth.
00:23:08.000 Loved it!
00:23:11.000 Yeah, it's alarmingly common.
00:23:13.000 Especially in the South.
00:23:16.000 My drug of choice.
00:23:18.000 When I was able to party.
00:23:19.000 Yeah, not anymore.
00:23:21.000 No.
00:23:22.000 Advanced heart failure will put an end to that.
00:23:26.000 So BeardVet does not endorse the consumption of amphetamines.
00:23:30.000 No, I don't endorse it either.
00:23:33.000 But they do endorse fantastic beard grooming products.
00:23:37.000 This is vet owned.
00:23:38.000 Fantastic coffee.
00:23:39.000 Look, you're buying coffee anyway, right?
00:23:40.000 You have to buy coffee.
00:23:42.000 It's toilet paper.
00:23:43.000 It's a necessity.
00:23:44.000 It's something you need.
00:23:45.000 So you might as well buy it from our guys.
00:23:47.000 And I hereby officially vouch for it.
00:23:49.000 It's fantastic coffee.
00:23:51.000 So don't get your coffee from some giant corporation that is woke and has a Black Lives Matter mural outside their office in Daytona Beach, Florida. 0.99
00:24:00.000 Go to BeardVet.com, enter the promo code GAVIN and get 15% off your next order of BeardVet El Diablo coffee or the BeardVet grooming shit. 0.99
00:24:14.000 Which is fantastic. 0.96
00:24:17.000 Alright, should we start taking some calls?
00:24:20.000 The other news item I feel like might be old news tomorrow.
00:24:23.000 Everyone wants us to talk about the Amber Heard trial more.
00:24:26.000 And I'm like, why?
00:24:29.000 Is this still going on?
00:24:30.000 Yeah. 0.98
00:24:32.000 And if you go to Daily Mail or New York Post, it's just fucking 17 articles about them. 0.87
00:24:40.000 And I mean, is there any mystery here? 0.94
00:24:43.000 One of the most famous, very handsome hundred millionaire guys in the world dumps his wife because she starts showing her age. 1.00
00:24:52.000 He gets some young dumb bitch who's a retard. 1.00
00:24:57.000 Fucks her a bunch of times. 1.00
00:24:59.000 Instantly gets bored, as we all would if we pursued that route. 1.00
00:25:02.000 And then goes, get her the fuck out of here, and now they're embroiled in legal shit. 1.00
00:25:07.000 I mean, every time they're talking about their fights, he would do heroin and then he'd get wasted and then he'd shit himself. 1.00
00:25:14.000 Or other times he would do speed and he'd hit me and I was like, yeah, I figured.
00:25:18.000 I figured that was going on. 0.97
00:25:21.000 Like, didn't this, as my wife said tonight, didn't this go on with Elizabeth Taylor and fucking... What's the other guy's name? 0.98
00:25:29.000 Elizabeth Taylor and uh... 0.99
00:25:31.000 Oh, who is she? 0.85
00:25:32.000 Who is that guy?
00:25:33.000 Anyway, famous movie stars, we just assume that they're getting wasted and beating each other up. 0.98
00:25:40.000 I mean, Sean Connery would brag about how women need a good slap. 0.95
00:25:44.000 You got tons of money and nothing to do.
00:25:46.000 There's like three months in between movies. 1.00
00:25:48.000 You're fucking loaded. 1.00
00:25:50.000 It's LA. 1.00
00:25:51.000 You can't go walk to a pub and hang out with guys. 0.99
00:25:54.000 We all assumed you were spending your millions getting fucked up and when you spend your millions getting fucked up, you slap each other around. 0.99
00:26:02.000 It's a given. 1.00
00:26:03.000 I don't care!
00:26:05.000 I'm still trying to figure out why they're televising a civil suit.
00:26:10.000 I still don't understand.
00:26:11.000 Dude, it's on in my house, in my kitchen, on my wife's iPad.
00:26:14.000 It's just on all day.
00:26:15.000 Yeah, I don't get it.
00:26:16.000 It's like a civil suit.
00:26:18.000 It's not even a criminal trial.
00:26:19.000 So he's suing, I guess we have for the sake of our jobs, we have to talk about what's going on.
00:26:25.000 So she's suing, he's suing her.
00:26:28.000 For like what, 50 million?
00:26:29.000 Yeah, I guess.
00:26:30.000 And then she's countersuing him because he made her unpopular and now she's not an Aquaman or maybe she isn't.
00:26:39.000 Oh, Jesus.
00:26:40.000 Like, do I have to get into the semantics of this? 0.99
00:26:41.000 I'm more interested in some fucking drug dealer who got caught selling coke under the Manhattan Bridge. 0.99
00:26:48.000 But I thought that it was funny watching her act her head off because this is really all this is for them. 0.99
00:26:54.000 It's a movie.
00:26:55.000 Yeah.
00:26:55.000 They're acting in a movie.
00:26:57.000 They're in front of the cameras.
00:26:57.000 They're in front of the cameras.
00:26:59.000 And this is what they do. 0.99
00:27:00.000 Actors are retards. 1.00
00:27:01.000 They're empty vessels. 0.98
00:27:03.000 So you pour in a personality.
00:27:05.000 The reason he's so good and so successful is, besides the fact that he's handsome, is they can go, OK, you're a pirate now.
00:27:12.000 And he's like, OK, I'll be Keith Richards.
00:27:14.000 Fine. 0.99
00:27:14.000 I don't give a fuck. 0.99
00:27:15.000 Just be a pirate. 1.00
00:27:16.000 So then he's Keith Richards.
00:27:17.000 And then that's his personality.
00:27:19.000 Or he hangs out with Shane McGowan.
00:27:21.000 And then he's Mr. Irish Guy. 0.97
00:27:23.000 Or he fucking, uh, he hangs out with Hunter Thompson now. 0.99
00:27:27.000 He's Mr. Drug Guy. 0.99
00:27:28.000 And then the Cherokee Nation.
00:27:31.000 Oh yeah, Cherokee Nation. 0.99
00:27:32.000 He plays fucking Tonto. 1.00
00:27:35.000 Next thing you know he's talking like a ho-chunk from Madison. 1.00
00:27:39.000 I never really lost that.
00:27:40.000 But I guess that's what happens.
00:27:41.000 You know, he got famous pretty young.
00:27:44.000 Like he was in like
00:27:46.000 Nightmare on Elm Street, the first movie.
00:27:48.000 Yeah.
00:27:48.000 And then he was on 21 Jump.
00:27:49.000 Like, he never had a normal life.
00:27:52.000 Never.
00:27:53.000 As an adult.
00:27:53.000 I was exploded into blood in that movie.
00:27:57.000 If you have a low IQ and you're handsome, or you have a low IQ and you're beautiful, which seems to be normal for chicks, invest in that person. 1.00
00:28:04.000 They're going to be rich.
00:28:06.000 He's got to be worth, what, 300 million?
00:28:07.000 Yeah.
00:28:08.000 40, 45.
00:28:12.000 But go to, the thing I like about her on trial is, and I'm reluctantly doing this by popular demand, she talks to the entire courtroom.
00:28:22.000 So the lawyer will ask her a question.
00:28:24.000 Instead of staring at the lawyer and responding, she'll look around the room and try to like, say like, at one point in this, she goes, I have a, yes, I have a baby sister.
00:28:33.000 I have a little sister.
00:28:33.000 I have a older sister too.
00:28:37.000 I would imagine she's talking to the jury.
00:28:39.000 Yes.
00:28:41.000 I live in Yucca Valley, California.
00:28:43.000 Ooh, the high desert. 1.00
00:28:45.000 Pretty yucca to shit in somebody's bed, I'd say. 1.00
00:28:47.000 How old are you, Amber? 1.00
00:28:49.000 I am 36.
00:28:49.000 I just celebrated.
00:28:51.000 The other thing I don't get about this is we don't have any evidence for this shit. 1.00
00:28:56.000 So it's just two people that hate each other's guts saying bad shit about each other. 0.99
00:29:01.000 Yeah, they recorded each other back and forth. 0.99
00:29:03.000 Yeah, so that we'll talk about.
00:29:05.000 That should be in the trial. 0.98
00:29:06.000 But like the shitting in the bed? 0.99
00:29:07.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:29:07.000 Unless you have a DNA sample, I don't believe you. 0.99
00:29:10.000 Yeah, there's no proof of that.
00:29:12.000 And do you have a daughter?
00:29:13.000 How old was she when you did the movie with her?
00:29:15.000 She's 36 now.
00:29:18.000 So 26. 1.00
00:29:18.000 I fucked her. 1.00
00:29:21.000 I fucked her during that movie. 1.00
00:29:25.000 Very nice. 1.00
00:29:26.000 Did she quote the talented Mr. Ripley?
00:29:28.000 Oh yeah!
00:29:30.000 I'm glad you brought that up.
00:29:32.000 I forgot about that.
00:29:33.000 I texted that to Ryan. 0.99
00:29:35.000 You didn't fuck her. 1.00
00:29:37.000 Uh, well, I didn't say I literally put my penis in her vagina. 1.00
00:29:40.000 I fucked her, meaning we walked down the street together for four minutes. 1.00
00:29:43.000 Well, that's not fucking, I remember. 1.00
00:29:44.000 On film. 0.99
00:29:45.000 How is that not fucking? 1.00
00:29:46.000 That's porn. 1.00
00:29:47.000 If that's fucking, then I fucked my aunt and fucking strangers. 1.00
00:29:50.000 Okay, well, then you've got some talking to do to the big guy upstairs, because you are not going to heaven if you fucked your aunt. 1.00
00:29:56.000 In the Cherokee tribe, you'd be named the one who shits out of his mouth, because you're diarrhea-ing. 1.00
00:30:04.000 Falsities. 0.99
00:30:05.000 Mm.
00:30:08.000 I don't know.
00:30:09.000 I have a twitch.
00:30:11.000 The only thing I know about Amber Heard with that thing when we did the movie was, I told you this before, the paparazzi was everywhere and she goes, yeah, they're here for me.
00:30:19.000 And I was like, who are you?
00:30:20.000 I looked on my phone and I saw a bunch of indie flicks.
00:30:22.000 And I was like, what? 0.92
00:30:23.000 You're in a bunch of shitty movies like the one we're in right now. 1.00
00:30:27.000 And then I found out later she's sucking Johnny Depp's dick. 1.00
00:30:31.000 And I wish I knew that because I could have said, I have a feeling this might not be the terrible indie films you've been in and the fact that you're sucking the most famous dick in the world. 1.00
00:30:40.000 And that dick is in the trial. 0.99
00:30:43.000 But yeah, as Tim points out, there's a moment in the trial where she's talking about how when you were with him and things were going well, the light would shine upon you. 0.99
00:30:51.000 But when things were going bad, you were persona non grata.
00:30:54.000 It's in the talented Mr. Ripley verbatim.
00:30:57.000 Oh my god.
00:30:58.000 Check your tax, Ryan.
00:31:01.000 Plagiarism at its best, at the trial.
00:31:03.000 That's what happens, and that's what I love about actors like Matthew McConaughey.
00:31:07.000 They deliver these incredible speeches that are written by nerds who have been writing their whole lives and have finally mastered the craft of writing a speech, which is very tricky.
00:31:17.000 I don't have it in my text.
00:31:19.000 You gotta go hypothesis, conclusion, three supporting paragraphs.
00:31:24.000 There's gotta be a good arc. 0.99
00:31:26.000 You better fucking not have this in your text or I'm gonna kill you. 1.00
00:31:29.000 I don't. 1.00
00:31:30.000 It's true.
00:31:31.000 Well, look up talented Mr. Ripley then.
00:31:35.000 Maybe I sent it to myself.
00:31:37.000 You've done that on occasion.
00:31:39.000 Yes, I tend to do that.
00:31:40.000 Sent it to myself.
00:31:43.000 On the floors of Tokyo-ho, I doubted London town's a go-go.
00:31:49.000 Oh, here it is.
00:31:49.000 I think we got it here.
00:31:50.000 I found it.
00:31:51.000 I found it too.
00:31:53.000 I found it first.
00:31:54.000 Okay. 1.00
00:31:55.000 Quoting... Like, even that fucking gay voice. 1.00
00:31:58.000 It's not gay. 1.00
00:31:59.000 That's not your accent, dude. 0.95
00:32:01.000 It is.
00:32:02.000 Alright guys, now I would like to show you something you would not... I can't listen to Europeans. 1.00
00:32:09.000 Okay, so... Alright, guys!
00:32:11.000 We're going to be going through the Amber Heard Town to Mr. Ripley.
00:32:15.000 Plagiarism here, guys.
00:32:16.000 It's going to be totally cool.
00:32:18.000 And then later on, we're going to go to a rave.
00:32:23.000 She did quote it. 0.96
00:32:24.000 We're going to be dancing and fucking totally partying, you guys. 0.98
00:32:29.000 At the disco. 0.65
00:32:30.000 Do you like to go to the disco? 0.97
00:32:34.000 Every time people get hard on the blacks in America, I go, guys, I've been to places where whites have no blacks. 0.97
00:32:41.000 It's not utopia. 0.98
00:32:43.000 It's super corny.
00:32:44.000 They have blonde bangs like this, skin tight, distressed denim.
00:32:49.000 And they talk about going to the disco, you guys.
00:32:53.000 I sent it to you, right?
00:32:54.000 Okay.
00:32:56.000 Or sorry, Johnny.
00:33:03.000 See, this is what happens when we try to cover news on the Thursday night shows.
00:33:11.000 Okay, here we go.
00:33:11.000 We neglect our sponsors.
00:33:14.000 Here he is.
00:33:14.000 Wait, is that what I just sent you right now?
00:33:19.000 Well, you sent me this.
00:33:26.000 Yeah, she did say she didn't know what scene that was and in her opening monologue she's literally quoting the Talented Mr. Ripley.
00:33:33.000 It's looking like she's taking things out of books and movies and making them about her.
00:33:37.000 So click on the first pic.
00:33:40.000 The Talented Mr. Ripley, actual quotes from the movie.
00:33:45.000 The thing with Johnny, it's like the sun shines on you and it's glorious and then he forgets you and it's very, very cold.
00:33:53.000 When you have his attention, you feel like you're the only person in the world.
00:33:57.000 That's why everybody loves him so much.
00:33:59.000 That sounds good.
00:33:59.000 Okay.
00:34:00.000 And then move over to the next one.
00:34:04.000 The thing with Dickie, it's like the sun shines on you and it's glorious and then he forgets you and it's very, very cold.
00:34:10.000 Jesus Christ.
00:34:12.000 When you have his attention, you feel like you're the only person in the world.
00:34:15.000 That's why everybody loves him so much.
00:34:18.000 I mean, Jesus.
00:34:19.000 Verbatim.
00:34:21.000 Verbatim.
00:34:21.000 Not even the general concept.
00:34:25.000 Oh my Lord.
00:34:28.000 That's like blowing her ear, she needs a refill. 0.99
00:34:31.000 Go back to Amber acting her ass off in the first clip, Brian. 0.90
00:34:35.000 Oh, here on Josh's thing, he's got a clip of it posted up there.
00:34:41.000 When I was around Johnny, I felt like the most beautiful person in the whole world.
00:34:44.000 The whole world.
00:34:46.000 You know, it made me feel seen, made me feel like a million dollars.
00:34:52.000 It felt like a dream.
00:34:54.000 It felt like absolute magic.
00:34:59.000 Okay, that's not the sun shining on you.
00:35:00.000 I know what the disappear is.
00:35:00.000 Wait, stop.
00:35:00.000 Stop.
00:35:12.000 He goes to visit an old friend who's good at keeping her mouth shut. 1.00
00:35:17.000 She's a fat chick. 1.00
00:35:19.000 They do heroin together. 0.99
00:35:21.000 I'm guessing by the way, but I feel good about this.
00:35:24.000 Tons of tattoos.
00:35:25.000 She's tattooed like her toes are tattooed.
00:35:30.000 And they go and they have a session. 0.99
00:35:34.000 Like three or four days of just smack and falling asleep and shitting themselves and cleaning up the shit and just like... 1.00
00:35:42.000 Actually, they don't shit because they're constipated. 1.00
00:35:45.000 I caught you, didn't I, Johnny? 0.99
00:35:47.000 Oh, I don't know what you're talking about.
00:35:49.000 And he leaves her like 2,000 bucks after he leaves to keep her mouth shut. 0.90
00:35:52.000 I don't know, maybe 10,000.
00:35:54.000 And then she gets more smack. 1.00
00:35:56.000 It's a wonder she's still alive.
00:35:58.000 She's a bartender in the East Village.
00:35:59.000 She was.
00:36:00.000 Mark's Place.
00:36:00.000 On St.
00:36:01.000 I mean, I don't know.
00:36:05.000 He who throws arrows in the dark and gets a bullseye.
00:36:11.000 Nostra Guinness strikes again.
00:36:14.000 Anyway, that's not, that's not what we're accusing her of.
00:36:17.000 I think this might be it.
00:36:19.000 The thing with Dickie.
00:36:24.000 It's like the sun shines on you and it's glorious.
00:36:31.000 And then he forgets you and it's very, very cold.
00:36:35.000 So I'm learning.
00:36:37.000 When you have his attention, you feel like you're the only person in the world.
00:36:40.000 That's why everybody loves him.
00:36:42.000 But wait a minute, guys.
00:36:44.000 But they don't have hers.
00:36:44.000 This is not what Amber... I don't have evidence of her saying that.
00:36:48.000 It's true.
00:36:50.000 Yeah, this is not evidence.
00:36:53.000 She didn't say. 0.99
00:36:55.000 So now we have an ill-prepared show and now we look like assholes. 0.99
00:36:59.000 Well we got to the bottom of it. 0.98
00:37:00.000 We debunked.
00:37:01.000 We're like snoops.
00:37:04.000 But go back to the clip I sent you where she's just like talking to the crowd. 1.00
00:37:11.000 She also celebrated her birthday recently.
00:37:13.000 She's won.
00:37:15.000 We don't care.
00:37:18.000 So she's talking about her birthday and then she says her daughter just celebrated her birthday too.
00:37:23.000 She's won.
00:37:25.000 I'm a great person.
00:37:26.000 You should like me and vote in my favor.
00:37:31.000 I am an actor.
00:37:34.000 Mostly.
00:37:36.000 Now, why are you here?
00:37:38.000 I am here because my ex-husband is suing me for an op-ed I wrote.
00:37:49.000 What's the next link? 0.99
00:37:54.000 Actually, fuck the next link. 0.99
00:37:55.000 I'm done talking about this. 0.99
00:37:56.000 Alright, let's start the show.
00:37:58.000 Oh, okay.
00:38:01.000 We're gonna start the show and then we want to take calls. 0.99
00:38:05.000 I'm actually embarrassed that we spent so much time on that shit. 0.99
00:38:08.000 Amber heard. 1.00
00:38:09.000 You heard?
00:38:09.000 Let's get ready to rock on!
00:38:20.000 Do we get rid of the freeloaders?
00:38:22.000 So now change the background to the males.
00:38:27.000 Oh yeah. 1.00
00:38:29.000 I gotta keep telling you how to do your fucking job. 1.00
00:38:31.000 We have a new fancy one. 1.00
00:38:32.000 Look at this.
00:38:34.000 This says it's back to back.
00:38:35.000 That's not the same.
00:38:36.000 No, it's not the same.
00:38:51.000 Disappear.
00:38:53.000 And there'd be just no way to get a hold of him, no way to contact him. 0.91
00:38:54.000 There's no darkness and no light crap?
00:38:56.000 Yeah, that's not verbatim. 0.95
00:38:58.000 I was sitting here laughing my head off.
00:39:00.000 You can't copyright the idea of when a guy likes me, I feel good, and then he doesn't like me and I don't feel as good.
00:39:09.000 Sorry.
00:39:09.000 That's called relationships.
00:39:12.000 That's called every chick I ever fucked, by the way. 1.00
00:39:16.000 What a fucking dumb wild goose chase that was. 1.00
00:39:19.000 That was a lie. 1.00
00:39:20.000 I'm annoyed.
00:39:21.000 We found a rabbit hole in that one.
00:39:23.000 I feel betrayed.
00:39:24.000 How do you feel, Tim?
00:39:27.000 I feel ashamed that I brought it up.
00:39:30.000 Yeah.
00:39:30.000 Oh, good point.
00:39:31.000 Should I leave?
00:39:32.000 It's Tim's.
00:39:33.000 You should be more ashamed that you drink Michelob Ultra.
00:39:36.000 What is that?
00:39:37.000 You're trying to slim down?
00:39:39.000 Yep.
00:39:39.000 $94.
00:39:39.000 Why?
00:39:41.000 No one wants to fuck you. 1.00
00:39:43.000 You're married to one woman and she's not interested. 1.00
00:39:46.000 I felt worthless. 0.99
00:39:48.000 I felt ugly. 0.98
00:39:48.000 I felt gay. 0.98
00:39:53.000 So she didn't quote the movie at all.
00:39:55.000 She quoted the general concept of rejection, which is like, yeah,
00:40:00.000 My wife brought that to me after she saw it on a TikTok. 0.93
00:40:04.000 Well, in your defense, I sent it to Ryan because I was like, holy shit, she's quoting movies. 0.94
00:40:10.000 No, there's a movie that said a guy likes me and they didn't like me. 0.79
00:40:14.000 And she said Johnny Depp liked me and then he didn't like me. 0.98
00:40:18.000 Anyway, this is the problem with covering fucking Amber Heard. 0.99
00:40:21.000 By the way, 0.99
00:40:23.000 FreeSpeech.tv was an awesome URL.
00:40:26.000 I was very happy to get it.
00:40:27.000 And then we got sued or threatened to be sued by someone at the trademark.
00:40:31.000 They didn't own the site.
00:40:32.000 They own the trademark to FreeSpeech.tv.
00:40:34.000 So we had to switch it to Censored.tv.
00:40:37.000 I was not thrilled about that.
00:40:39.000 Censored is a weird word.
00:40:41.000 People spell it wrong all the time.
00:40:43.000 People think it's Censor.tv.
00:40:47.000 Or uncensored is another big mistake.
00:40:50.000 But serendipity, God is smiling down on me, it's becoming like the most used word in the American vernacular.
00:41:00.000 Look at that, front page of the New York Post today.
00:41:02.000 Censored!
00:41:03.000 Conservatives instantly gain followers after Elon by proof of Twitter's secret shadow banning.
00:41:12.000 We also discovered today, by the way, that Soros, the Clintons, and Obama have been pressuring advertisers on Twitter to boycott Twitter if Elon buys in.
00:41:25.000 Because Joe Biden is not president.
00:41:28.000 Obama is president. 0.99
00:41:29.000 And Obama is pushing this misinformation shit because he wants to control the American conversation the same way Britain controls the British conversation with the BBC. 0.99
00:41:40.000 And the same way that Canada controls the Canadian conversation with the CBC and Justin's bizarre donations to random media companies. 0.99
00:41:50.000 That's pretty big.
00:41:52.000 We'll be discussing that tomorrow.
00:41:54.000 We do have fought medals.
00:41:56.000 We do have what?
00:41:58.000 Oh, fought medals, yes.
00:42:01.000 You know, I keep saying to people, buy books.
00:42:04.000 Don't throw out your CDs, don't throw out your cassettes, and buy hardcover books.
00:42:10.000 I have a book called When Harry Became Sally.
00:42:13.000 I just picked it up for like 10 bucks about 10 years ago, and it is unavailable now.
00:42:20.000 Similarly, buy silver. 0.97
00:42:22.000 Look, I don't know shit about Bitcoin. 0.86
00:42:24.000 I'm not getting involved in that. 0.97
00:42:25.000 I'm too old to figure it out.
00:42:27.000 Silver is tangible.
00:42:29.000 Silver, I know.
00:42:31.000 Veteran owned FOP metals have trust and transparency.
00:42:36.000 You know what you're getting.
00:42:37.000 You can hold on to it. 1.00
00:42:39.000 If the shit hits the fan, you're holding silver in your hand. 1.00
00:42:44.000 Go through that site, Ryan. 0.99
00:42:45.000 Let's see everything they have available.
00:42:46.000 No, not your homepage.
00:42:48.000 It's called God's money.
00:42:50.000 Yeah, I wish.
00:42:52.000 I met, um, was it Steve Forbes?
00:42:57.000 At Fox News once, and he was all about getting the Fed back to the gold standard.
00:43:02.000 That would be awesome.
00:43:04.000 That's what we need to do here, because look at what Biden's doing.
00:43:07.000 Just printing infinite money.
00:43:09.000 And the problem with the death of math in education is, young people, Zoomers and Millennials go, I don't understand. 1.00
00:43:16.000 Just make, if you need money, just make another hundred dollar bill.
00:43:19.000 T-notes.
00:43:20.000 They have the capabilities.
00:43:24.000 If we're low on dough, just make more dough.
00:43:27.000 What could possibly be the problem?
00:43:30.000 Silver's up 3% today, too.
00:43:32.000 Oh, really?
00:43:32.000 Do you invest in silver?
00:43:34.000 Yeah, I have silver.
00:43:34.000 I have precious metals.
00:43:36.000 Oh, wow.
00:43:36.000 What about you, Tim?
00:43:37.000 Nope.
00:43:41.000 I got.
00:43:42.000 You do?
00:43:42.000 I do.
00:43:43.000 Really?
00:43:44.000 Oh, yeah. 0.99
00:43:45.000 Guy who bought like a fucking ton of gold bars are all over his house. 0.99
00:43:49.000 What'd you say? 0.99
00:43:50.000 I got a bunch and then a Hollow like a lie.
00:43:54.000 No, I do.
00:43:54.000 I have five pounds of silver.
00:43:55.000 I have a couple of ounces of it.
00:43:59.000 I
00:44:00.000 Where?
00:44:01.000 In coins, different coins.
00:44:03.000 We have a bullet that my wife wanted to get a bullet. 1.00
00:44:06.000 We went to a silver convention.
00:44:07.000 We went to like a coin convention.
00:44:09.000 That's where I got all this weird money.
00:44:11.000 I got this like Jewish money and Nigerian money.
00:44:13.000 Isn't all money Jewish money? 0.99
00:44:15.000 Just kidding, Fop Medals.
00:44:19.000 Well, goodbye Fop Medals.
00:44:20.000 It's been real.
00:44:21.000 This is our last ad with Fop Medals.
00:44:24.000 Yeah, another vet-owned company, so use promo code Gavin when you go to FopMetals.com.
00:44:30.000 By the way, if you're just hearing the audio here, it's a strange spelling.
00:44:33.000 P-H-A-U-P. 1.00
00:44:36.000 Fop.
00:44:36.000 P-H-A-U-P.
00:44:38.000 Metals.com.
00:44:40.000 What's going on over there?
00:44:42.000 Oh.
00:44:43.000 I believe we do also, uh, we want to, I don't know if they're going to be down for this, but we want to mint a coin with them.
00:44:50.000 Oh, that'll be fun.
00:44:50.000 So it says GML on one side and then maybe a baby monster on the back, like the one that we have the shirt graphic for.
00:44:56.000 Dude, I want the URL gofuckyourself.com so badly.
00:45:01.000 I looked it up.
00:45:01.000 It's some message board for porn stars or people who make porn.
00:45:06.000 It's called gfy.com.
00:45:07.000 Now what if you add something to it?
00:45:09.000 They're not using gofuckyourself.com. 0.97
00:45:11.000 How about GoFuckYourselfLoser or something? 0.99
00:45:13.000 No, no, that's not it. 0.99
00:45:14.000 Because I want when people ask me what I'm doing, I want to go, yeah, I do a site called GoFuckYourself.com. 0.80
00:45:20.000 That is pretty good. 0.96
00:45:21.000 And they're like, OK, calm down, calm down.
00:45:23.000 No, you're not on Fox News anymore.
00:45:25.000 I'm not trying to start a fight.
00:45:26.000 Like, no, I'm not trying to start a fight either.
00:45:28.000 That's my site.
00:45:32.000 All right, can we take some calls?
00:45:33.000 Should we think so?
00:45:34.000 Check some mail?
00:45:35.000 Do we also have Johnny Apple CBD?
00:45:41.000 Are you sure we have JohnnyAppleCBD?
00:45:43.000 All I know is I got an updated copy and we were to kind of update.
00:45:49.000 Now it's 15%.
00:45:51.000 So going back in time, if we've ever advertised 20%, it's 15%.
00:45:54.000 Okay.
00:45:54.000 And they also have... You've been wrong about virtually everything that's come out of your mouth.
00:46:00.000 I got some new emails from that.
00:46:01.000 Are you sure we have JohnnyAppleCBD.com as a... Okay, so JohnnyAppleCBD.com.
00:46:08.000 They've been with us since day one.
00:46:11.000 And the variety on their site is shocking.
00:46:14.000 It's not just vape stuff.
00:46:17.000 It's not just the gummies. 0.99
00:46:18.000 By the way, the gummies have this weird shit in them. 0.99
00:46:21.000 You can get one particular, I think it's called the Delta, where you're baked. 0.99
00:46:25.000 Delta 8 gets you baked.
00:46:26.000 Delta 8.
00:46:27.000 That's how you remember it.
00:46:28.000 Delta 8. 1.00
00:46:29.000 You're fucking stoned out of your mind. 1.00
00:46:31.000 Totally legally. 1.00
00:46:34.000 No THC whatsoever.
00:46:36.000 Everything is by the book. 1.00
00:46:38.000 And you're fucking high. 0.99
00:46:40.000 Take it at night. 1.00
00:46:41.000 Go for a nap.
00:46:43.000 Have the craziest dreams you've ever had. 1.00
00:46:45.000 Holy shit. 0.99
00:46:47.000 I just remembered that I was taking CBDs and I had a dream about Superman. 0.99
00:46:53.000 I dreamt a sketch.
00:46:55.000 Interesting.
00:46:56.000 You want to hear it?
00:46:57.000 Please.
00:46:58.000 Okay.
00:46:59.000 I dreamt a comedy sketch on Johnny Apple CBD.
00:47:04.000 It's a woman in a car and it's coming from the sky. 0.76
00:47:08.000 And she's yelling at the passenger seat.
00:47:10.000 She's like,
00:47:10.000 Superman!
00:47:11.000 Help! 0.98
00:47:12.000 Help! 0.98
00:47:12.000 Superman! 0.98
00:47:14.000 And then he catches the car and brings it down. 0.96
00:47:17.000 And then he's like, why the fuck was a car flying in the sky? 0.94
00:47:23.000 And she's like, oh, nothing. 0.98
00:47:26.000 And then they drive away.
00:47:28.000 There you go.
00:47:30.000 No rhyme or reason.
00:47:31.000 No, I can't explain it.
00:47:33.000 And then another one is some guy, some kid is at his house and he has to eat octopus.
00:47:39.000 And he's like, Superman, help, help!
00:47:41.000 And Superman flies through the front of their, I'm remembering, I dreamt this.
00:47:46.000 Well, you know, not really dream, like semi-awake.
00:47:50.000 He walks through the front of their house, destroys their bay window. 0.99
00:47:53.000 He goes up to the kid, the kid spits out the shitty food in his mouth, and he throws it down on the ground, and Superman goes, that's fucking gross! 0.99
00:48:03.000 And then he flies out the hole he made, and then the parents start hitting the kid, because he fucked up the front of the house by calling for Superman. 0.99
00:48:13.000 So that's funny. 0.99
00:48:14.000 That's the kind of funny shit you come up with when you're on Johnny Apple CBD's at JohnnyApple.com. 0.98
00:48:21.000 Promo code Gavin. 0.97
00:48:23.000 15% off.
00:48:24.000 Take sure to take the edge off.
00:48:25.000 You know what?
00:48:26.000 What?
00:48:27.000 Hey guys, good news.
00:48:28.000 It's 20% off.
00:48:31.000 So, wait a minute.
00:48:32.000 I have the read here.
00:48:33.000 That would mean you were wrong.
00:48:34.000 That's correct.
00:48:36.000 Um, but I was correct about being wrong.
00:48:39.000 You were correct about being wrong.
00:48:41.000 That's a new one.
00:48:42.000 That gels with me.
00:48:43.000 That feels about right.
00:48:44.000 That's about the amount of responsibility I'd like to take.
00:48:47.000 Correct about being wrong.
00:48:48.000 I put a skull and crossbones on the Delta 8-1 because he gets you litty.
00:48:54.000 And I don't, I don't partake in anything.
00:48:56.000 I don't, I don't smoke weed.
00:48:58.000 I barely drink.
00:48:59.000 If I'm at Doomerfest, I'll drink.
00:49:02.000 But here we go.
00:49:03.000 This is for, and by the way, I've been taking a nighttime nootropic to try to get me to bed.
00:49:09.000 Now they're expensive.
00:49:10.000 I'm going to try to go onto their, it's called nighttime tincture, which will put you to sleep with CBN, not CBD, CBN.
00:49:19.000 And they have an HHC super hemp stem vape pen.
00:49:23.000 That's brand new.
00:49:24.000 And their tincture, the tincture is CBN.
00:49:26.000 It's infused with CBD and a really powerful relaxant.
00:49:29.000 Am I the only guy dying of boredom right now?
00:49:32.000 It's just quality information.
00:49:35.000 Okay.
00:49:38.000 Let's go to the mailbag.
00:49:40.000 Thank you, Johnny Applethorpe.
00:49:41.000 Actually, let's say goodbye to the freeloaders. 1.00
00:49:45.000 Yeah, they're gay. 0.99
00:49:47.000 So guys, $10 a month. 0.98
00:49:50.000 Unlimited content.
00:49:51.000 You literally could not watch it all.
00:49:53.000 If you do watch it all, I'm worried about you because you're spending eight hours a day watching censored.tv.
00:49:59.000 You need to get a life. 0.99
00:50:00.000 But we don't just riff and joke about shit. 1.00
00:50:04.000 We cover all the top stories. 0.93
00:50:06.000 So when you're going to censored.tv again every day, you're not missing out on anything.
00:50:11.000 The war in Ukraine, we hit all the top trending stories, but we also fuck around and have plenty of laughs.
00:50:18.000 And the beauty of it is that it's 100% woke free. 1.00
00:50:23.000 There is no woke shit on this show ever. 0.99
00:50:27.000 In fact, it gets alarmingly racist at times. 1.00
00:50:31.000 Just kidding.
00:50:32.000 So if you want us to talk to you the way you talk to your friends in bars, go to censored.tv, pay the price of what, two beers a month?
00:50:44.000 And have unlimited quality content.
00:50:47.000 Matty O'Dell alone.
00:50:49.000 Just one guy.
00:50:51.000 You get him at the live show on Thursday nights.
00:50:53.000 He also does his own show, Matty's Shitty Little Kitchen, where in his tiny apartment he makes incredibly elaborate dishes.
00:51:00.000 Oh yeah.
00:51:01.000 We got Anthony Comey and I. We got Jim Gold on the site.
00:51:05.000 And we have Lotus.
00:51:06.000 She just posted a video for the first time in a long time.
00:51:09.000 Yep.
00:51:10.000 Soph.
00:51:12.000 We got bits. 0.99
00:51:13.000 If you're watching for free, there's a whole free shit section. 0.99
00:51:15.000 Yeah, we have a whole free shit segment you can send to your friends. 0.99
00:51:18.000 I think, um, Katie Hop- No, I know. 0.99
00:51:20.000 Katie Hopkins and Wayne Dupree are no more.
00:51:24.000 They're no longer. 0.99
00:51:24.000 One of the reasons is this asshole demanded a raise. 0.99
00:51:27.000 I'm not giving him more of my money. 0.99
00:51:29.000 So I said, OK, I'll give you two new shows and I'll cut out two shows.
00:51:35.000 So I cut those shows out.
00:51:36.000 And now he does Celebrity Mailbag, where he reads the mail as a person, a very famous character.
00:51:44.000 Tomorrow's own Benjamin.
00:51:45.000 So right in.
00:51:46.000 He does Maddie's Shitty Little Kitchen.
00:51:49.000 Yes.
00:51:50.000 We're very transparent on this. 1.00
00:51:51.000 So goodbye to you assholes, get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting. 0.99
00:52:35.000 So, heroes, search me Always request and declare 1.00