Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - GOML LIVE #150 - FOSTER PARENTS

00:00:13.000 Live from New York, it's Get Off My Long with Kevin McGuinness.

00:04:24.000 diablo if you go there now to uh their site beardvet.com you use the promo code gavin you get 15 off so just the coffee alone is fantastic that's what we drink here at the station if if you've noticed we are incredibly effervescent and uh gregarious and that is because we are high on caffeine when we do this show but totally separate from that these veterans that are willing to die for

00:05:23.000 when you use beard vet it combs out and looks more like an asian woman's pubic hair um you know that's not a flattering but it is an accurate synopsis remember i was dating this korean named min and i was like min you gotta like take care of it down there it looks like a little punk rocker down there because it wouldn't curl it would just grow straight so yes beardvet.com these people are willing to die for our country and they are willing to bust their asses to satisfy 0.94

00:05:54.000 your cravings for beard grooming products and coffee beardvet.com promo code gavin uh how are you doing ryan how was your day today we doing great we did an interview with some british nerd at two didn't really do much else ed dutton i believe afterward after the the show yesterday i went to the bar with anthony we had a long talk i think he finally likes me now anthony yeah finally

00:06:24.000 like he loves you i know but we're now friends it was it was an eight-year courtship yeah like sometimes you do good on-camera stuff and then you don't hang out afterwards yeah well he would always zip home right after and well he's a zip how else is he supposed to go home but we're finally friends that's dope that was an eight-year courtship too long too long i'm i'm over him now yeah that's what's fun he finally likes me and i've i have other friends it's like It's like dating,

00:06:52.000 yeah.

00:06:52.000 It's like you chased him for so long, now he likes you, and now you're like, yeah, I'm over you.

00:06:55.000 Yeah.

00:06:58.000 That's pretty funny.

00:06:59.000 Some Proud Boys showed up.

00:07:00.000 I haven't seen in a while.

00:07:01.000 A couple of mics.

00:07:02.000 Oh, yeah, fuck.

00:07:03.000 And they were doing nose beers and drinking.

00:07:05.000 I don't think people in the media realize the insurmountable amount of cocaine that the Proud Boys do.

00:07:13.000 Yeah, we literally need to cover.

00:07:14.000 It really is, for all the racism that is discussed in the white nationalism, it's people against cocaine who should hate them.

00:07:22.000 Like we went to a house party at Westfest in Vegas.

00:07:25.000 There was a mirror.

00:07:26.000 I'm not going to exaggerate.

00:07:28.000 Oh, my God, yeah.

00:07:30.000 This big.

00:07:32.000 It was on the pool table.

00:07:35.000 It was over the pool table.

00:07:36.000 You couldn't play pool.

00:07:38.000 What?

00:07:39.000 It was like overlaid.

00:07:41.000 Like, there was hanging edges of the mirror.

00:07:43.000 Yes, it was bigger than the pool table.

00:07:44.000 On these chestnuts.

00:07:45.000 And I would say there was $1,200 worth of Coke on it.

00:07:48.000 Yeah.

00:07:49.000 Like, there was separate stations of lines.

00:07:53.000 I've never seen an amount where I'm like, I've never actually said I'm good.

00:07:56.000 There's never been enough around for me to be like, I'm good.

00:07:59.000 Oh, yeah, it's weird.

00:08:00.000 It's weird walking by cocaine.

00:08:02.000 Be like, no, thanks.

00:08:03.000 Yeah.

00:08:04.000 Like, it's like walking by a Victoria's Secret model, diddling her bean, and you're just like, okay, enjoy yourself.

00:08:09.000 Don't make a mess, please.

00:08:11.000 Don't go squirting on my nice rug.

00:08:13.000 I was Karening the guys.

00:08:15.000 I was like, that's probably enough.

00:08:16.000 You should stop.

00:08:16.000 Hey, guys, wrap it up.

00:08:17.000 Wrap it up.

00:08:17.000 They all got COVID because they were sharing the same straw.

00:08:20.000 That whole house was fucking drenched.

00:08:22.000 You got to use your own bills.

00:08:25.000 But yeah, white nationalism comes up 0.0001% of the time.

00:08:31.000 Cocaine comes up 46% of the time.

00:08:34.000 I'll never forget.

00:08:35.000 Proud boys do hurt minorities, though. 0.99

00:08:38.000 My septum was pretty afterwards.

00:08:41.000 They hurt minorities' septums. 1.00

00:08:43.000 I'll never forget that.

00:08:44.000 Remember that douche, was it last year?

00:08:47.000 Who...

00:08:48.000 Because a lot of Proud Boys live in major cities like New York City, Montreal, whatever.

00:08:54.000 They have some street smarts.

00:08:55.000 But a lot of them are Midwesterners who haven't been around prostitutes or even black people, for example.

00:09:01.000 So they're in Vegas and they're in nice guy mode.

00:09:05.000 They're almost like Swedes. 0.98

00:09:07.000 Yeah, Midwesterners are Swedish in many ways.

00:09:11.000 So they're gambling and whatever, and these black women, total pieces of trash, start hitting on them. 1.00

00:09:18.000 And instead of their spidey senses, you know, crawling up, they go, damn, those girls like me. 1.00

00:09:27.000 I must be handsome as shit.

00:09:32.000 I'm a Vegas tan.

00:09:33.000 Damn.

00:09:35.000 Girls don't usually crawl all over me like this. 1.00

00:09:38.000 So he invites them back to the room because they think he's so hot and sexy.

00:09:44.000 He's a fat piece of shit, by the way.

00:09:46.000 He's uglier than me.

00:09:48.000 He's shorter and fatter than me.

00:09:50.000 Great guy, though.

00:09:51.000 No, he's not.

00:09:52.000 He's an asshole.

00:09:53.000 If I had any drothers, I would have had him kicked out. 1.00

00:09:55.000 I hung out with him the whole time.

00:09:56.000 I felt bad.

00:09:57.000 He was disenfranchised.

00:09:58.000 Yeah, no one would speak to him.

00:09:59.000 Yeah.

00:10:00.000 Yeah, well, you do that.

00:10:01.000 You hang out with Detritus. 0.99

00:10:03.000 Detritus.

00:10:03.000 You hang out with insects.

00:10:06.000 So he brings the girls up to the room, and what do they do?

00:10:10.000 When one of them is making out, the other goes through everyone's wallet.

00:10:13.000 And what do you have in Vegas?

00:10:14.000 You have cash.

00:10:16.000 So the maker outer distracted our fat friend, and the other girl stole $1,500 cash from the various passed-out proud boys. 0.98

00:10:26.000 They made a run for it.

00:10:28.000 That happened the previous year with the now-deceased Levi Romero, and they didn't get any money.

00:10:33.000 And as they were running away, he threw a beer at them down the hallway and hit them in the head.

00:10:41.000 That's right.

00:10:41.000 That's how you do it to prostitute scammers.

00:10:45.000 But these guys were not savvy.

00:10:48.000 And I see the guy by the pool the next day, and I hear the story I just told you.

00:10:53.000 And he's like, yeah, man, it's fucked up. 0.72

00:10:55.000 And I was like, you fucking idiot.

00:10:58.000 And I had just been in the pool.

00:11:00.000 So my bare feet were out.

00:11:05.000 And my toenail was like, you know, old and crusty and broken in the middle or something, the way real men's toenails are. 0.99

00:11:12.000 And he's like, oh, shit.

00:11:14.000 Damn, that's pretty banged up.

00:11:16.000 I can see why you, no wonder you hate flip-flops.

00:11:19.000 And I was like, hold on a second.

00:11:22.000 Your naivete just lost your fellow, your brothers, $1,500 and you're complaining about my fucking toenails?

00:11:34.000 You're dead to me.

00:11:35.000 You don't exist.

00:11:36.000 Fight off.

00:11:37.000 I didn't know the toenails thing.

00:11:39.000 Imagine noticing a man's toenail. 0.99

00:11:43.000 I think the noble thing to do after you do something like that and you get your friends robbed is to stand up on top of the hotel you're in and say, sorry guys, and then jump off to your death.

00:11:56.000 He watched my stuff from me when I was in the pool.

00:11:58.000 That was nice of him.

00:11:59.000 Oh, okay.

00:12:00.000 So he made up for it.

00:12:01.000 Yes.

00:12:01.000 What stuff?

00:12:02.000 Your GoPro?

00:12:04.000 Yeah.

00:12:04.000 My GoPro phone.

00:12:10.000 I can't wait till I'm king of the world.

00:12:12.000 There's so many things I'm going to implement.

00:12:15.000 There's going to be landfills full of flip-flops. 0.98

00:12:20.000 Landfills.

00:12:23.000 So yeah, let's start the show, right?

00:12:28.000 Shall we start the show?

00:12:30.000 I wasn't prepared for it, but we can absolutely start the show.

00:12:33.000 We can start the show.

00:12:34.000 Let's get started.

00:12:35.000 So we're going to do two hours with you clowns. 0.79

00:12:38.000 We're going to do what we call starting the show.

00:12:40.000 We're going to start the show.

00:12:41.000 A monster truck is going to come from this side.

00:12:43.000 That's correct.

00:12:43.000 It's going to go that way.

00:12:44.000 Trump is going to appear here on an eagle, wave, and it's going to say 3-2-1.

00:12:57.000 That was fun.

00:12:58.000 It has started.

00:12:59.000 It has begun.

00:13:00.000 What did you do today, Rye Guy?

00:13:01.000 I guess here I am not starting the show after this start the show interesting.

00:13:04.000 Did little swim lessons with your idiotic baby that sucks. 1.00

00:13:10.000 She rules.

00:13:11.000 She's a loser, dude. 1.00

00:13:12.000 Literally the best.

00:13:13.000 How many friends does your daughter have?

00:13:16.000 None.

00:13:16.000 Two.

00:13:18.000 Mom and dad don't count.

00:13:20.000 Name one friend your baby has.

00:13:22.000 Zero.

00:13:23.000 Exactly.

00:13:24.000 Your baby's not popular because she's a idiot. 1.00

00:13:28.000 Look at that.

00:13:31.000 That's so stupid.

00:13:32.000 She likes water.

00:13:34.000 But she's afraid of it, too.

00:13:36.000 Like, why wouldn't...

00:13:37.000 I don't know.

00:13:38.000 Why'd you shave her head, too? 1.00

00:13:40.000 She's bald.

00:13:41.000 She's young, so she's a bad. 1.00

00:13:42.000 So your daughter's bald. 0.81

00:13:43.000 So she's a loser. 1.00

00:13:44.000 She has no friends, and she's bald.

00:13:46.000 She has plenty of friends.

00:13:47.000 There is a tuft of hair.

00:13:48.000 It's fuzzy, but it's there.

00:13:51.000 Is she in a band?

00:13:52.000 She's a beard vet.

00:13:53.000 No, she's not in a band.

00:13:54.000 She plays a loser. 0.98

00:13:55.000 I play the guitar today.

00:13:56.000 You know who is in a band?

00:13:57.000 Dancing.

00:13:58.000 Mick Jagger.

00:13:59.000 He's cool.

00:14:00.000 Your daughter's no Mick Jagger.

00:14:02.000 Did Mick Jagger just relapse?

00:14:03.000 Oh, no, Steve Tyler of Aerosmith just relapsed.

00:14:06.000 Oh, really?

00:14:07.000 Too bad I didn't Carelapse.

00:14:09.000 Carosmith.

00:14:11.000 I saw some headline in the New York Post and it said, Johnny Depp did cocaine with the guitarist from Aerosmith.

00:14:22.000 Wait, what?

00:14:24.000 Isn't that illegal?

00:14:29.000 A headline that would grab me would say, Johnny Depp didn't do cocaine with the guitarist from Aerosmith.

00:14:36.000 I'd go, what the fuck?

00:14:37.000 Why not?

00:14:38.000 What happened?

00:14:40.000 Was he hungover?

00:14:41.000 Did he just have a nosebleed?

00:14:42.000 Why wouldn't you?

00:14:45.000 Who the fuck?

00:14:47.000 Steve Perry or Steven Tyler relapsed?

00:14:49.000 Yeah, he checked himself in rehab because he did some no-no stuff.

00:14:54.000 That's gay. 1.00

00:14:56.000 Isn't that gay?

00:14:57.000 It's gay to be a rock star and not dabble a little bit, I think.

00:15:02.000 You know what's crazy?

00:15:03.000 I remember back when Obama was president and Joe Biden was vice president and a guy named Hunter Biden that no one had heard of was caught doing cocaine.

00:15:14.000 And I tweeted out, that's how long back we're going.

00:15:17.000 I tweeted out, I'm not sure I want to live in a country where the vice president's son doesn't do cocaine.

00:15:22.000 Yeah.

00:15:22.000 This was like 2004.

00:15:25.000 Good point, man.

00:15:26.000 Oh, Tim Poole's here.

00:15:27.000 Yeah, a lot of evidence came out, and guess what?

00:15:30.000 The corrupt Democrats tried to hide it.

00:15:33.000 Disgusting.

00:15:34.000 Tim, why don't you have a girlfriend?

00:15:37.000 I actually do have a girlfriend.

00:15:38.000 Yep.

00:15:39.000 Okay, well, why aren't you married and making babies? 1.00

00:15:41.000 You got good money.

00:15:42.000 We saw your studio.

00:15:43.000 It looks awesome.

00:15:44.000 Thanks.

00:15:44.000 Yeah, no, we're thinking about it right now, but we just...

00:15:47.000 Thinking about it?

00:15:48.000 What are you thinking about?

00:15:48.000 Getting a boner?

00:15:50.000 Well, there's Gavin for you.

00:15:53.000 Well, we're extending the chicken coop.

00:15:55.000 See, we have like a chicken city, right?

00:15:57.000 And so we're live streaming it, and so you can send a super chats to the chicken.

00:16:02.000 I'm asking you, why don't you breed? 0.95

00:16:03.000 That's all that matters.

00:16:04.000 Well, the chickens matters a lot more than chickens.

00:16:06.000 The chickens breed, they give us ether.

00:16:07.000 No, no, I'm not talking about chickens.

00:16:09.000 Don't change the subject to chickens.

00:16:10.000 For eggs.

00:16:11.000 Make babies.

00:16:12.000 Get married.

00:16:13.000 Make babies.

00:16:13.000 That's all that matters.

00:16:15.000 The only thing that exists in the world is babies.

00:16:18.000 You're dead.

00:16:20.000 Here's something I want to say to you single people.

00:16:22.000 Louis C.K. used to joke about it.

00:16:23.000 He's like, you could die.

00:16:24.000 No one would care.

00:16:25.000 You're not alive.

00:16:28.000 You're dead.

00:16:30.000 Now, I'm not saying your life sucks, but you're not born.

00:16:34.000 It can't suck if it doesn't be.

00:16:37.000 Yeah, until you get married and have kids, you're a larvae.

00:16:43.000 And there's nothing wrong with being larvae.

00:16:45.000 That's fine.

00:16:46.000 But just know you haven't begun.

00:16:49.000 I actually, I look back on my larvae years as awesome.

00:16:52.000 Good stuff.

00:16:53.000 Lots of partying, lots of funny shit.

00:16:56.000 It was cool.

00:16:58.000 But then you have kids and you go, oh, okay, this is what it is.

00:17:02.000 It's like this theory I had a few years ago where I was like, maybe we're in heaven now.

00:17:06.000 And being born is dying.

00:17:09.000 So when you're a sperm, you're a useless nothing.

00:17:13.000 And then you get life and that's heaven.

00:17:18.000 Just like right now, we can't imagine what heaven is.

00:17:21.000 It's not sitting on a cloud playing a harp in a dress.

00:17:24.000 It's much bigger than that.

00:17:25.000 It's unimaginable, right?

00:17:28.000 The same way a sperm can't conceive of this, we can't conceive of heaven.

00:17:34.000 So maybe this is heaven and we're dead.

00:17:38.000 And then within that paradigm, before you have children, you're just a silly little thing swimming around like a sperm.

00:17:49.000 Yeah, no, I totally agree.

00:17:50.000 And then you have kids and you go, oh.

00:17:54.000 And it's funny too, because remember Lauren Southern talking about this once.

00:17:57.000 She said, you know, studies say that people who have kids are less happy.

00:18:02.000 And it's true, but the problem is the definition of happiness becomes so much more broad.

00:18:11.000 Like NFL players are disappointed with their performance.

00:18:18.000 I bet you guys in the NFL are much less content and much more dissatisfied with their performance at football than I am.

00:18:27.000 I'm perfectly content with how good I am at football.

00:18:30.000 I think I'm just great.

00:18:32.000 And I obviously suck.

00:18:33.000 Because I'm not in that level.

00:18:36.000 But you talk to like a master penis, like the one in my pants, and they are like, oh, I suck on my fucking scales. 0.99

00:18:45.000 I really got to get going on those.

00:18:49.000 You know?

00:18:50.000 Yeah.

00:18:52.000 So you're only as happy as your least happy child, but you're in a new universe of joy when you have kids.

00:19:01.000 When you have chickens, like you said.

00:19:03.000 No, no, not chickens.

00:19:04.000 Chickens, I think, are the dumbest animal in history.

00:19:06.000 Oh, you said children.

00:19:08.000 Okay.

00:19:09.000 Sorry.

00:19:12.000 Chickens.

00:19:13.000 Honestly, does he?

00:19:14.000 I think even vegetarians can eat chickens.

00:19:16.000 They're really just plants.

00:19:19.000 You shouldn't eat a monkey.

00:19:20.000 That's fucked up.

00:19:23.000 You shouldn't eat a labradoodle.

00:19:25.000 But a chicken?

00:19:26.000 It's just a plant with eyes.

00:19:28.000 Or a cow?

00:19:29.000 It's just Really, a hill with legs.

00:19:33.000 Gavin, it's integral, not integral.

00:19:37.000 You sound like a dummy.

00:19:40.000 Integral.

00:19:41.000 Maybe it's a British thing?

00:19:44.000 I do have some strange carryovers for the various nations I've lived in.

00:19:50.000 Centrifugal.

00:19:51.000 Aluminium.

00:19:54.000 Feral.

00:19:55.000 You guys say Feral, I guess?

00:19:57.000 By the way, in order to super chat, of course, many of you guys already know this, but if you're new to this, you would click the top banner, Watch Live.

00:20:05.000 You would be clicking the Watch Live thing, and then below it, there's a little button that says donate to Read Message on Air if you're logged in.

00:20:13.000 I got to confess, I'm worried that the show in Orlando is going to sell out, and you're not going to get a chance to hang out with us.

00:20:19.000 It's going to be insanely fun.

00:20:21.000 June 25th, the venue will be released the day of.

00:20:27.000 So here's a clue.

00:20:29.000 It's Central Orlando.

00:20:30.000 It's nowhere weird.

00:20:30.000 It's not going to be like out by the airport or some shit.

00:20:33.000 So get your tickets now.

00:20:35.000 It's me doing stand-up comedy, Kumi doing stand-up comedy.

00:20:39.000 We're not going to show it on censor.tv.

00:20:41.000 Ryan's going to be up there doing his various guys.

00:20:44.000 And then when we're done, we're going to have like a Kill Tony type of thing with the table, and we're going to record a podcast, a talk show.

00:20:55.000 And then, on top of that, we have like a meet and greet with the selfies and the hangout and the beer and the talk.

00:21:01.000 And that's going to have more than just me and Anthony and Josh Denny.

00:21:05.000 We'll probably have Josh LaCash there, Jim Goad.

00:21:08.000 AIU might stop by.

00:21:10.000 We're going to have all the greats hanging out.

00:21:13.000 So the VIP meet and greet is sold out.

00:21:16.000 But yesterday we changed the room and now we added 50 tickets.

00:21:21.000 So it's now unsold out.

00:21:22.000 Sick.

00:21:25.000 It was 100 tickets we sold, I think, for the meet and greet.

00:21:28.000 So now there's 150 tickets, 150 people that can meet and greet, hang out.

00:21:34.000 It's going to be a very fun time.

00:21:36.000 Yeah.

00:21:36.000 Can't wait.

00:21:38.000 Josh had a really good idea.

00:21:39.000 He just wanted to go on stage with me, with Ryan Catsuvera, sorry.

00:21:42.000 And just bomb and just completely embarrass himself.

00:21:46.000 Josh who?

00:21:46.000 Josh LaCash.

00:21:48.000 No.

00:21:48.000 Okay.

00:21:49.000 So there's that.

00:21:52.000 So there's that.

00:21:53.000 Sorry, Josh.

00:21:55.000 There's that minor detail.

00:21:57.000 You can come.

00:21:58.000 Feel free to attend, though.

00:22:01.000 Johnny Apple CBD.

00:22:02.000 Ah.

00:22:03.000 Next sponsor on the list.

00:22:06.000 What do they have available at their site?

00:22:08.000 Limitless CBD products.

00:22:10.000 CBD is a way for you to legally get the magic of hemp without any of the illegal stuff.

00:22:18.000 You can even get high.

00:22:19.000 The Delta 5 shit gets you fucking baked.

00:22:22.000 Delta 8, my dude.

00:22:23.000 Delta 8, sorry.

00:22:24.000 Delta 5 is a punk band from Leeds.

00:22:27.000 The vape pen, Ryan's a big fan of.

00:22:31.000 I'm not a big vapor.

00:22:33.000 I like the tincture in my coffee.

00:22:35.000 Takes the edge off the caffeine.

00:22:37.000 Prolongs the buzz.

00:22:38.000 Sort of like putting butter in it.

00:22:41.000 Ever try that?

00:22:42.000 Butter in coffee?

00:22:45.000 The topical cream is great for aching muscles.

00:22:50.000 Do they sell the cookies?

00:22:52.000 No more.

00:22:52.000 No more cookies.

00:22:54.000 And the gummies.

00:22:55.000 The gummies are magical.

00:22:56.000 The gummies taste good.

00:22:57.000 They have that weedy taste.

00:22:58.000 I gave a gummy to my dog.

00:23:00.000 Nice.

00:23:00.000 He's stressed out because we got a rabbit and he feels like he's second best.

00:23:04.000 You know why?

00:23:05.000 Because he's second best.

00:23:06.000 Ouch.

00:23:07.000 Yeah, I love him less now.

00:23:09.000 You're right.

00:23:10.000 By the way, when you're a kid and your parents have a baby and you're freaked out, you're right.

00:23:14.000 There's less love to go around.

00:23:16.000 It's just been diluted.

00:23:19.000 I remember when my second son was born, I told my daughter who was two, I go, we got you a baby.

00:23:25.000 And she loved it.

00:23:26.000 She was so happy.

00:23:27.000 And then that night she goes, I want the baby in my crib tonight, please.

00:23:31.000 And I go, uh, I didn't want my new baby to die.

00:23:36.000 So I said, uh, that's probably not.

00:23:38.000 We're not going to do that.

00:23:40.000 And then I think it dawned on her, this motherfucker's lying to me.

00:23:45.000 This is bullshit.

00:23:48.000 It's another kid in the house.

00:23:50.000 It's not mine.

00:23:51.000 It's theirs.

00:23:52.000 And she was weird for 10 days. 0.97

00:23:55.000 Damn.

00:23:56.000 And I think she was right to be weird.

00:23:58.000 That's what I always say to my daughter.

00:24:00.000 Trust your emotions.

00:24:02.000 They're valid.

00:24:03.000 Jealousy, anger, rage.

00:24:07.000 You may be petty or it might be something that you shouldn't act on, but you're right.

00:24:19.000 You're right, my dear.

00:24:21.000 Your anger is justified. 0.82

00:24:24.000 Anyway, topical is great for aching muscles.

00:24:28.000 We've got the stem, what does that say?

00:24:29.000 STEM pods? 0.64

00:24:31.000 STEM2 pods.

00:24:33.000 STEM2 pods, isolates, and wakes.

00:24:38.000 Amazing variety of stuff at Johnny Apple CBD.

00:24:40.000 And if you're going to get any CBD stuff, why not go with someone who supports us, braves the radical leftist storm, and can handle supporting free speech?

00:24:49.000 These guys have been with us since day one.

00:24:52.000 Years and years, JohnnyApple.com has been with us.

00:24:56.000 So use promo code Gavin and get 15% off your order and enjoy yourself.

00:25:01.000 Oh, here we go.

00:25:02.000 Yeah, I was kind of wondering what this in my hand right here is.

00:25:06.000 The super hemp.

00:25:06.000 I know it's good.

00:25:07.000 The ultimate blend of CBD, CBN, and HHC for a euphoric and buttery smooth experience.

00:25:12.000 The Delta 8, which I have right here with a skull and crossbones on it, because it gets you fudged up.

00:25:19.000 Yeah, it's a little intense.

00:25:21.000 So I'm going to take a look at it.

00:25:22.000 I'm too old for Delta 8.

00:25:23.000 You're doing a Delta 8 right now?

00:25:25.000 Oh.

00:25:26.000 Why don't you do it?

00:25:26.000 That'd be funny.

00:25:28.000 Okay, I've done it before.

00:25:29.000 It just makes me question everything I do.

00:25:32.000 I usually just like blast forward with my retardation, but then I just question it, so it's just less of me. 0.83

00:25:37.000 I think maybe you should question your retardation. 1.00

00:25:40.000 It'll be a worse.

00:25:41.000 I mean, you did say, I love football, but I don't watch it.

00:25:45.000 That's true.

00:25:45.000 That's something that should probably be questioned.

00:25:50.000 Oh, you may have noticed we have no Sylvia, no Maddie today.

00:25:53.000 Sylvia's feeling under the weather, as many 79-year-olds do.

00:25:57.000 A lot of our mainstays have medical issues, like our severely handicapped Crip Daddy, Donovan.

00:26:06.000 Uh-oh.

00:26:07.000 This is not CV.

00:26:08.000 This is not Delta.

00:26:12.000 Okay.

00:26:18.000 Anything coming up?

00:26:20.000 I don't want to be stoned for this show.

00:26:21.000 No, that's not Dealta, I promise.

00:26:23.000 I wouldn't dose people.

00:26:23.000 That's fucked up.

00:26:24.000 I would not do that.

00:26:26.000 Legit.

00:26:26.000 Yeah, dosing someone?

00:26:28.000 That's fucked up.

00:26:29.000 That's one of the most stabbing.

00:26:31.000 That's rape. 1.00

00:26:32.000 And it's almost as invasive as rape.

00:26:36.000 More.

00:26:36.000 Because you can...

00:26:37.000 Well, don't trivialize rape, you dummy.

00:26:39.000 I'm sorry.

00:26:41.000 But, yeah, if you slip someone LSD against their will, that's like sending them to outer space.

00:26:49.000 What a fuck.

00:26:50.000 That's one of the scariest, most evil, dark things you could possibly do.

00:26:54.000 Didn't Luis Gomez and the...

00:26:56.000 Ari Shafir did it.

00:26:57.000 Ari Shafir did it to who?

00:26:59.000 To Burt Kreischer.

00:27:00.000 Ari Shafir did it to Burt Kreiser.

00:27:02.000 I think it was Molly.

00:27:04.000 Really?

00:27:05.000 That's exactly as bad.

00:27:06.000 I don't think I would forgive that guy.

00:27:08.000 Dude, it was a big problem.

00:27:10.000 That's a friendship ender.

00:27:11.000 It was a big problem.

00:27:13.000 Yeah.

00:27:13.000 Brett should dump him.

00:27:16.000 Bert?

00:27:17.000 Bert should dump him.

00:27:18.000 And Brett.

00:27:20.000 Brett shouldn't be cool with that either.

00:27:22.000 Yeah, the time that...

00:27:23.000 You know what I would do?

00:27:24.000 If that happened to Bert, I would have Ernie kick the shit out of him.

00:27:29.000 Hey, Bert.

00:27:31.000 You dosed me on ass if you're a drink. 0.98

00:27:34.000 I went to the cardiologist, and he was like, this is done.

00:27:37.000 Really?

00:27:38.000 And he's like, hey, man, you're getting a fatty liver.

00:27:41.000 Okay, so.

00:27:42.000 I've never done Molly.

00:27:43.000 I've never done Molly.

00:27:44.000 Molly.

00:27:44.000 It's just pure ecstasy.

00:27:45.000 Yeah, I've never done Molly.

00:27:46.000 It's way better.

00:27:47.000 It's better for you.

00:27:48.000 Have you?

00:27:48.000 Yeah.

00:27:49.000 Okay, so I'm Joe Rogan.

00:27:52.000 What are you talking about?

00:27:53.000 That's my meme, dude.

00:27:55.000 Get the fuck out of here.

00:27:59.000 I don't think there's a drug Joe Rogan hasn't done.

00:28:01.000 I'm not exaggerating.

00:28:02.000 Definitely not heroin.

00:28:03.000 Definitely not meth.

00:28:04.000 I mean, he's definitely done heroin.

00:28:07.000 What?

00:28:08.000 Yes.

00:28:09.000 Wow.

00:28:10.000 Wow.

00:28:11.000 Completely talking out of my ass right now, by the way.

00:28:13.000 I thought so.

00:28:14.000 I'm actually doubting the words as they leave my lips.

00:28:16.000 So you saw on your show, I did that.

00:28:18.000 Yeah, like East Coasters have done meth, heroin, all ecstasy, but not like DMT.

00:28:26.000 West Coasters have done DMT.

00:28:28.000 Both coasts have done Special K, but West Coasters have never done crack.

00:28:33.000 Everyone in the East Coast has done crack.

00:28:37.000 Right?

00:28:38.000 Yeah, man.

00:28:39.000 A lot of people have.

00:28:41.000 Okay, let's...

00:28:42.000 Should we go behind the paywall?

00:28:44.000 Let's read a letter and take a call and then go behind the paywall.

00:28:48.000 What do you think of that?

00:28:49.000 Sands about wrong.

00:28:50.000 All right.

00:28:50.000 Here's a letter I haven't vetted yet.

00:29:09.000 Hey, gook who plays with hair too much. 0.99

00:29:12.000 That's a racist insult directed towards you, Ryan.

00:29:17.000 That's crazy, man.

00:29:18.000 It's accurate because you do play with your hair too much, but the word gook is a racial epithet.

00:29:23.000 Oh, yeah.

00:29:24.000 So that's hurtful.

00:29:26.000 Wow.

00:29:27.000 And then he says, and I believe he's coming at me next, with, and cheap ass motherfucking Scotsman. 0.70

00:29:35.000 Not so bad.

00:29:36.000 I am a cheap ass.

00:29:38.000 You don't have to show the attachment, but please watch it.

00:29:40.000 I really don't give a damn.

00:29:41.000 If you do show it, though, I owe you for convincing me during COVID to say, screw it, go for it, have another kid.

00:29:48.000 This is the result.

00:29:50.000 My third child and first child playing together with whatever is in front of them, this time a box.

00:29:56.000 It calms me down and makes me happier than anything after a 14-hour workday in construction.

00:30:02.000 Not shown as my second child is a wild-ass boy who wrestles me the second I get home, and I love it.

00:30:07.000 Yeah, I remember when my kids were four and two, they were always like, let's fight on mommy's bed.

00:30:12.000 I don't know why my wife gets the bed, mommy's bed. 1.00

00:30:15.000 It's also daddy's bed, you assholes.

00:30:19.000 But I would fight them.

00:30:21.000 And obviously, I'm not trying my artist with a DO in the four-year-old, but you have to kind of let them get a leg up where they sort of get you down.

00:30:29.000 And then once they get you down, they just pile drive you and jump on you.

00:30:32.000 And it's fun.

00:30:34.000 Can't do it anymore.

00:30:36.000 My son is six feet tall.

00:30:40.000 And then he says, P.S. Ryan, you're a great dad.

00:30:43.000 Oh, thanks.

00:30:44.000 And maybe husband, according to social media.

00:30:46.000 Keep it up, bro.

00:30:47.000 Thank you, bro.

00:30:48.000 You as well.

00:30:49.000 How do you know he's a great dad?

00:30:51.000 He could beat the shit out of those two things after the movie's over.

00:30:58.000 Yeah, there was so much there that was very offensive, and I apologize for it.

00:31:02.000 Another letter here.

00:31:02.000 Hey, G-Dog.

00:31:03.000 Amber Heard's team said she did Coke with Ryan, Maddie, and Syl.

00:31:08.000 You weren't invited because she said you said you will never see my hemorrhoid, riddled, sexy ass again. 1.00

00:31:13.000 She claims that you turned up to her house expecting a meal and then proceeded to make fun of her and Johnny's new sunglasses.

00:31:19.000 What a complete, total, under waste of time.

00:31:21.000 This man, Jenny, Jamie Pennyquick, sends us about 37 emails a day.

00:31:27.000 I should probably.

00:31:28.000 Some of them are good, though.

00:31:29.000 He lays the five bricks.

00:31:31.000 I took a screen grab of all of his emails, and there was like one a minute, and I go, get a life.

00:31:38.000 I like when you were attending the mailbag.

00:31:40.000 By the way, I need some more mail for Tim Pool's thing.

00:31:42.000 Can we ask people?

00:31:43.000 Okay.

00:31:44.000 Hello, everyone.

00:31:44.000 Yep.

00:31:45.000 Celebrity mailbag this week is Tim Pool.

00:31:47.000 So if you have any questions for Tim Pool, send them to Mailbag.

00:31:54.000 Celeb mailbag.

00:31:55.000 One word at censor.tv.

00:31:57.000 Subject mailbag.

00:31:58.000 I mean, celeb mail.

00:32:00.000 We have a Canadian baby monster sending us a true dope. 1.00

00:32:07.000 Latest.

00:32:08.000 He says right-wing terrorism is on the rise in Canada.

00:32:12.000 What a moron.

00:32:13.000 I honestly am.

00:32:14.000 I'm so vain.

00:32:15.000 I think he's doing all this because I make fun of him too much.

00:32:18.000 Question that the world is changing rapidly and getting more dangerous in new ways than ever before.

00:32:26.000 When we look at the prevalence of misinformation, of disinformation, the way social media has been weaponized both by foreign actors and by people within Canada, pushing extremist views, trying to foment anger and discord,

00:32:42.000 whether it's extremist ideology of right-wing terrorism on the rise in Canada, or whether it's examples like the illegal protests we saw in the winter.

00:32:54.000 There are a whole new set of challenges that we need to be responding to.

00:32:59.000 And that's why we're working closely with our national security agencies, working closely with organizations like the Canadian Security and Telecommunications to make sure that we are able to respond to these new realities.

00:33:16.000 We need to do it, however, in a way that continues to defend freedom of speech, freedom of expression, freedom to legally protest, while at the same time we're taking on more tools to keep Canadians safe.

00:33:31.000 Because increasingly we're seeing that things that start online end up having impacts on the real world.

00:33:39.000 Well, it sounds like we should...

00:33:41.000 I guess he meant discord, right?

00:33:45.000 He mispronounced discord.

00:33:47.000 All right, let's take it, which means, by the way, a lack of agreement or harmony between person, things, or ideas.

00:33:53.000 Active quarreling.

00:33:56.000 I forgot that's what discord means.

00:33:59.000 Dude, let's take a call.

00:34:02.000 All right.

00:34:04.000 You are on the air.

00:34:05.000 You have a conversation.

00:34:07.000 This is a fucking loser.

00:34:09.000 You know, I'm here to learn, share, listen, understand why.

00:34:12.000 Hey, why does everyone get two things?

00:34:14.000 You have one thing.

00:34:15.000 Thank you for calling.

00:34:16.000 It was great hearing from you.

00:34:18.000 Bye-bye.

00:34:18.000 All right, next call.

00:34:19.000 Bye-bye.

00:34:23.000 Bye-bye.

00:34:23.000 Frankly, you've got your...

00:34:25.000 Frankly.

00:34:26.000 Bye-bye.

00:34:27.000 Bye-bye.

00:34:29.000 You go full volume with that, huh?

00:34:31.000 Frankly.

00:34:32.000 Bye-bye.

00:34:35.000 That's Pee-Wee Trump.

00:34:37.000 Frankly, for too long.

00:34:39.000 That's the one impression you can do, I mean, literally a thousand times better than me.

00:34:43.000 What, Pee-Wee? 1.00

00:34:44.000 Yes.

00:34:44.000 I can't.

00:34:45.000 Yeah, I'm thinking about having a Pee-Wee museum where I'll have chronically famous Pee-Wees throughout history. 0.99

00:34:52.000 It's like perfect.

00:34:54.000 I don't even want to do it.

00:34:55.000 I would embarrass myself.

00:34:56.000 And I've done it before, and frankly, it's not.

00:34:58.000 Hello?

00:34:59.000 Can you do Pee-Wee Trump?

00:35:02.000 No.

00:35:05.000 What's Pee-Wee Trump?

00:35:06.000 Is B-Pee-Wee, but like saying? 0.85

00:35:08.000 Baby!

00:35:13.000 You just got to talk about how the numbers, you looked at the numbers, and frankly, they're...

00:35:17.000 Yeah, I looked at the numbers and frankly they're not adding up.

00:35:22.000 I don't know.

00:35:23.000 That wasn't too bad.

00:35:24.000 It's too hard.

00:35:24.000 It's hard doing mashups.

00:35:27.000 Do we have someone on the line?

00:35:29.000 Yes, we do.

00:35:30.000 I'm going to put the number on the bottom of the screen for those listening.

00:35:33.000 609, you're on the line.

00:35:37.000 Hello?

00:35:39.000 Hello, 609?

00:35:42.000 What did you say?

00:35:43.000 Mikey! 0.65

00:35:45.000 Mikey! 0.65

00:35:50.000 Mikey! 0.65

00:35:53.000 Alright, question for you.

00:35:56.000 That's a pleasant.

00:35:58.000 Newly married.

00:36:00.000 In her 20s.

00:36:02.000 Having fertility issues.

00:36:05.000 What do you do?

00:36:06.000 Are you putting it in the butt solely?

00:36:12.000 No, sir.

00:36:14.000 P to V. Okay, well, it's very simple, my friend.

00:36:19.000 Stop watching porn.

00:36:21.000 All you have to do to make a baby is never masturbate and never watch porn.

00:36:26.000 But I don't watch any.

00:36:28.000 And I got a test done and it's zero.

00:36:31.000 What?

00:36:32.000 You got a test done in what?

00:36:33.000 Zero.

00:36:35.000 And the count is zero.

00:36:37.000 What does that mean?

00:36:38.000 Your sperm count is zero.

00:36:39.000 You have no sperm? 0.99

00:36:40.000 Yeah.

00:36:41.000 Wait, what could they inject?

00:36:42.000 Let me taste that.

00:36:44.000 Can we inject the like, you know, I'm not even being facetious.

00:36:47.000 Could you take from the balls?

00:36:49.000 Maybe there's a problem with the delivery system.

00:36:51.000 That Chinese cop who was killed, he got his wife pregnant after he died via his balls. 1.00

00:36:57.000 Are you less fertile than a dead man?

00:36:59.000 You're less fertile than a dead chink? 1.00

00:37:01.000 That's a t-shirt.

00:37:02.000 Rest in peace.

00:37:05.000 Sorry, by the way, dead Chinese cop.

00:37:07.000 It just was a very funny way to say that.

00:37:09.000 Okay.

00:37:09.000 I apologize.

00:37:10.000 Win Jan Liu.

00:37:12.000 Dead Chinese man isn't as funny as the hard K. I'm sorry. 1.00

00:37:17.000 So I've never heard of this.

00:37:18.000 So your sperm count is zero.

00:37:19.000 You have no sperm. 0.62

00:37:20.000 What are you?

00:37:21.000 Maybe God hates you.

00:37:23.000 Possible.

00:37:24.000 Yeah, are you evil?

00:37:25.000 Maybe you're not meant to procreate.

00:37:26.000 Yeah, do you have horns? 0.99

00:37:27.000 Are you red?

00:37:31.000 Do you have a pointy tail and hooves?

00:37:35.000 Do you like when people sin and show their inner darkness?

00:37:38.000 Do you like Black Sabbath?

00:37:40.000 Do you eat children?

00:37:41.000 I don't understand.

00:37:42.000 So what comes out of your penis when you ejaculate?

00:37:47.000 Well, so sperm is the seed. 0.84

00:37:53.000 And then semen is the carrier.

00:37:55.000 Oh, yeah.

00:37:55.000 So have the carrier, you know?

00:37:57.000 So if you were to jizz on my microscope, I would just see like the fluid.

00:38:02.000 There'd be no swimmers.

00:38:04.000 Yeah.

00:38:05.000 I don't think that's a microscope.

00:38:06.000 Well, why the fuck are you calling me?

00:38:08.000 What am I going to do?

00:38:10.000 Do you think that I do the voodoo?

00:38:12.000 Do you think I have the juju?

00:38:15.000 Okay, I will burn...

00:38:16.000 What we do is we burn a bat's eyes in the middle of the night. 1.00

00:38:21.000 Then we bury that with the plantation beans from the Ugu plant.

00:38:28.000 And then your sperm count will be a million billion. 0.85

00:38:32.000 And then they eat the poo-poo. 0.99

00:38:33.000 Yeah, you have to eat.

00:38:34.000 And they were eating the poo-poo all over the place. 0.99

00:38:37.000 First, we lay you down in a bit of straw.

00:38:39.000 What I was saying was, you know, you always talk about how it's the most fulfilling thing you can do.

00:38:46.000 So what I'm saying is, like, if that's not a possibility, how does one cope?

00:38:52.000 Adopt.

00:38:54.000 Yeah.

00:38:55.000 Get yourself a black kid. 0.99

00:38:56.000 No.

00:38:57.000 Come on.

00:38:58.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:38:59.000 That's unrealistic.

00:39:00.000 That's unrealistic.

00:39:01.000 Why is that unrealistic?

00:39:04.000 I know four people who have adopted kids.

00:39:06.000 There's baggage you're picking up there.

00:39:08.000 What?

00:39:09.000 Well, if they're brand new, like there's so much baggage involved in it.

00:39:11.000 I don't say adopt an 18-year-old.

00:39:13.000 Don't get a rescue.

00:39:14.000 Adopt a baby.

00:39:16.000 I don't know, man.

00:39:18.000 I know, man.

00:39:18.000 Or what are they?

00:39:20.000 Adopt.

00:39:20.000 Where the woman get yourself a Negro.

00:39:23.000 A surrogate or something?

00:39:27.000 Is this Jazz Jennings' wife?

00:39:29.000 Anyway, we got to go.

00:39:30.000 Thanks for calling.

00:39:32.000 Sorry, sir.

00:39:32.000 All right.

00:39:33.000 That, I think, was a good taste of the variety of super chats, which I don't see one there.

00:39:40.000 Phone calls and mail.

00:39:42.000 We mentioned our sponsors.

00:39:45.000 I do need a fashions every second week, but I believe I mentioned them last week.

00:39:49.000 Don't hesitate to go to NitaFashions.com.

00:39:52.000 Make sure you mention my name, and you'll get a good deal.

00:39:54.000 It's for cheap, rich people like me.

00:39:56.000 They make all my suits.

00:39:58.000 And that is it for the freebies.

00:40:03.000 I would like to apologize for the racial epithets I said on this show.

00:40:07.000 That's not who I am.

00:40:09.000 It's not what this network is.

00:40:13.000 And if I'm not fired and I'm here tomorrow, that'll be a good thing.

00:40:20.000 But on the off chance, this is my last show ever for saying the word chink.

00:40:24.000 I want to say, I am sorry.

00:40:27.000 And I fucked up.

00:40:28.000 I know this isn't what you want.

00:40:30.000 And I'm sorry.

00:40:32.000 So get fired, which I'm about to be.

00:40:36.000 Get in trouble.

00:40:38.000 Be brave.

00:40:39.000 Unt never stopping de Feischenschnoofen. 1.00

00:41:21.000 Mikey! 0.65

00:41:22.000 That's a funny idea.

00:41:25.000 A fur collar for a dog?

00:41:28.000 That is cool.

00:41:28.000 Yeah.

00:41:29.000 It'd be like, it looked like a lion's mane.

00:41:32.000 Hey, I have a loft bed.

00:41:35.000 You probably don't want, you won't need that for many years.

00:41:37.000 I'll look it up.

00:41:40.000 What?

00:41:40.000 I'll look it up.

00:41:41.000 I don't know what a loft bed is.

00:41:42.000 It's a bed that's high up.

00:41:44.000 Oh, okay.

00:41:44.000 That sounds cool.

00:41:45.000 It's good if it's cramped space, but your daughter will probably want that when she's like five. 0.90

00:41:54.000 Let's see, we have a super chat rocking in there.

00:41:56.000 I can't believe you think Daphne is like the cutest. 0.99

00:41:59.000 She's not even that cute.

00:42:00.000 She's literally the most cutest, bumbaloonist, Fifi Fafunus, Catoonist, Buddhist, cutest baby.

00:42:06.000 Get over her, dude.

00:42:08.000 It's like weird.

00:42:09.000 She's watching.

00:42:11.000 Oh, I was joking.

00:42:12.000 I'm doing a baby joke.

00:42:14.000 I understand you're not advanced enough to understand, but let me explain the context of the joke.

00:42:19.000 Obviously, a father adores his daughter.

00:42:21.000 Of course.

00:42:22.000 You are a very cute baby.

00:42:24.000 Objectively, like literally so cute.

00:42:27.000 What we do in comedy is we do the opposite.

00:42:29.000 Right.

00:42:30.000 It's not true.

00:42:31.000 So, like, for example, Ryan dropped off a laundry bag at my house today.

00:42:34.000 I pretended I wanted to kiss him for it and make out with him.

00:42:38.000 So I grabbed him and started trying to kiss him.

00:42:40.000 I grabbed his penis and he wriggled away and ran down the driveway. 0.98

00:42:44.000 Down the driveway.

00:42:45.000 So I don't want to make out with him.

00:42:48.000 You said that I was putting on signs.

00:42:50.000 I don't remember the sign.

00:42:51.000 I opened the door.

00:42:52.000 I yelled, don't be a fucking cock tease as you ran down my driveway, which I'm sure my neighbors enjoyed. 1.00

00:42:57.000 Oh my God, I didn't even think about that.

00:42:58.000 I had some words with my neighbors today.

00:43:01.000 She goes, she's French, and my dog, I realized the best thing I can do to fuck with my neighbors is exist. 0.84

00:43:09.000 So I'm going to start walking my dog several times a day.

00:43:12.000 I usually have the kids do it. 0.91

00:43:13.000 No, it's my job.

00:43:14.000 And wear dumb things.

00:43:15.000 Well, that's why I wanted you to drop off that bag earlier.

00:43:17.000 It has all my Trump shirts.

00:43:19.000 So she goes, can you get your, she was French, so what are you doing?

00:43:23.000 Come on.

00:43:25.000 Can you get your dog off my lawn, please?

00:43:28.000 She said, get off my lawn. 1.00

00:43:30.000 And I was like, you know, your sign is an affront to me, which is fine.

00:43:38.000 I don't like you either, but it's an affront to my family and my little child.

00:43:44.000 And she's like, you need to quit.

00:43:47.000 I know that you have quit the Proud Boys, but you need to atone for that.

00:43:51.000 And I'm drifting into German for some reason.

00:43:54.000 I have such a good idea, but yeah, go ahead.

00:43:56.000 And I guess her version of events is I go door to door begging for forgiveness and disavowing the Proud Boys.

00:44:06.000 The Proud Boys are awesome.

00:44:08.000 They're the greatest thing I've ever created outside of my children and Ryan.

00:44:16.000 And so we're talking, I go, so there's a little nine-year-old boy, a little American Indian boy walking his dog, and you're telling him to fuck off.

00:44:24.000 He's white.

00:44:26.000 I realize, oh, shit, I gotcha.

00:44:28.000 Whoa.

00:44:29.000 That was her Achilles heel, was pointing out that she's a racist. 1.00

00:44:34.000 Because that's their verbiage.

00:44:36.000 Like, to sit there and go, there's a Proud Boys chapter in Israel.

00:44:39.000 There's gay Proud Boys.

00:44:40.000 There's black Proud Boys.

00:44:43.000 They don't care about that.

00:44:44.000 But when you go, you're a racist, that's all they got.

00:44:48.000 You're a racist is 100% of their artillery.

00:44:53.000 So if you go, actually, have you ever considered that you're the racist?

00:44:58.000 He's white.

00:44:59.000 He's white.

00:44:59.000 That's crazy.

00:45:00.000 And I go, no, he's American Indian.

00:45:02.000 And she goes, well, just because someone is 1%, 2%.

00:45:06.000 And I go, well, my wife's 50%, so he's 25%.

00:45:10.000 Oh, you do a DNA test?

00:45:12.000 And I go, what?

00:45:13.000 Well, yeah, I did, actually.

00:45:14.000 They get money from their casino, and the casino's not going to get money unless you have the DNA test.

00:45:19.000 And she goes, she goes, oh, another privilege.

00:45:24.000 So now he's experiencing American Indian privilege, I guess, is what she's saying.

00:45:29.000 Wow.

00:45:29.000 And she goes, You're not going to change my mind.

00:45:31.000 And I go, that's clear.

00:45:33.000 And then as I'm walking away, she goes, This is not a good way to ingratiate yourself with your neighbors.

00:45:38.000 I go, I don't want to ingratiate myself with you.

00:45:41.000 I go, hate has a home here.

00:45:43.000 This is hate.

00:45:44.000 You're looking at hate.

00:45:45.000 I was talking about the kid.

00:45:46.000 It's pretty badass.

00:45:47.000 You're like the Walt from Breaking Bad of the neighborhood.

00:45:50.000 It's like, I'm the one the hate's for.

00:45:52.000 When he has that moment.

00:45:53.000 You know what you should do?

00:45:56.000 Wait, sorry to interrupt.

00:45:58.000 Ladies and gentlemen, folks at home, you're about to hear what I know in my heart of hearts.

00:46:04.000 You're wrong.

00:46:05.000 And I'm fully confident.

00:46:06.000 And it's good.

00:46:06.000 Will be what I like to call a terrible idea.

00:46:12.000 Take it away, Detective Shitty.

00:46:14.000 I don't know how you did that.

00:46:15.000 I don't appreciate it.

00:46:16.000 So you should atone for your sins publicly.

00:46:19.000 You should go to the middle of the woods or something.

00:46:22.000 Somewhere close where they could see and then be like, ladies and gentlemen, and wear a toga or a robe.

00:46:28.000 So I announce it.

00:46:28.000 I give them flyers.

00:46:30.000 I give out flyers?

00:46:31.000 No, you just make a huge scene.

00:46:32.000 You have a whole mob there, like a public.

00:46:34.000 How does anyone know that I'm there?

00:46:36.000 We make sure they're there because you're just going to make a public scene. 0.73

00:46:39.000 What do you mean a public scene?

00:46:40.000 You're going to do a public...

00:46:42.000 You know what?

00:46:42.000 You could hand out flyers, sure.

00:46:44.000 So I hand out flyers that say, I'll be down the street in the woods.

00:46:47.000 Here's a little map.

00:46:48.000 How about somewhere they could all see like a common area?

00:46:51.000 If there's like a commonplace.

00:46:52.000 Okay, like by the library.

00:46:53.000 I'll be at the local Westchester library.

00:46:56.000 And you stage a public stripping.

00:46:57.000 You'd be like, I'm going to atone for my sins.

00:47:00.000 I denounce, and then everybody, and there's like people dressed like the Hans Med Tale, and they're like, yeah.

00:47:06.000 And you make a whole scene.

00:47:07.000 That's just one of those.

00:47:08.000 Now you're doing that with different things.

00:47:10.000 Nailed it, me.

00:47:11.000 I knew that would be a retarded. 1.00

00:47:13.000 I was good.

00:47:13.000 I'm good.

00:47:15.000 I know you.

00:47:15.000 You got to think jackass style like Steve-O would do.

00:47:18.000 No, you don't stoop to their level.

00:47:21.000 I told you that.

00:47:23.000 It's like Ron Coleman told me to put a giant, giant, like 15 by 15 hate has no home here sign on my lawn.

00:47:30.000 And I'm like, now I'm speaking your language, and I like the sign discourse.

00:47:36.000 I like face-to-face confrontations of like, hey, I noticed, is there hate in your garbage?

00:47:42.000 That's the one I should have said, but I didn't say.

00:47:44.000 You know, it'd be funny if you keep replacing their hate has no home here signs with like slightly bigger and bigger signs.

00:47:50.000 By the time they realize it, they just have a billboard.

00:47:53.000 How do you det-tap?

00:47:55.000 Well, one idea I did like was replacing them with ones with slight typos.

00:48:02.000 Or you make them smaller and smaller.

00:48:05.000 You know that Hate Has No Home here has different languages.

00:48:08.000 Right.

00:48:09.000 And it's like Arabic and Chinese and Hebrew.

00:48:12.000 Wouldn't it be funny if you get Hate Has No Home here, but in the other language it says things like, niggers beware. 1.00

00:48:21.000 And then you do a viral video.

00:48:23.000 You go up at the Google Translate thing with the photo and it just goes, fuck is this?

00:48:27.000 Yeah.

00:48:27.000 In Hebrew it says like six million wasn't enough.

00:48:31.000 And you're like, this is fucking disgusting.

00:48:34.000 Who are these assholes?

00:48:35.000 That's the sign you've had on your lawn this whole time, man.

00:48:37.000 Just wanted to show you something.

00:48:38.000 Are you proud?

00:48:39.000 Yep.

00:48:40.000 We have 609.

00:48:42.000 Another 609 here.

00:48:48.000 Hello?

00:48:49.000 Hello?

00:48:52.000 Why'd you let me do a shot?

00:48:54.000 Yes.

00:48:58.000 What's up, dude?

00:49:00.000 I'm on the air?

00:49:01.000 You sure are.

00:49:02.000 You're a star.

00:49:03.000 Oh, my God.

00:49:05.000 I have a question.

00:49:06.000 I need some advice, Gavin.

00:49:08.000 Is your sperm count zero?

00:49:10.000 It's one.

00:49:11.000 No, it's not that.

00:49:13.000 Quite the contrary.

00:49:15.000 I just came back from a 10-day motorcycle trip in Ireland.

00:49:18.000 Oh, dude, that sounds awesome.

00:49:21.000 Wait a minute.

00:49:21.000 Stop.

00:49:22.000 Yeah.

00:49:22.000 Air brakes.

00:49:23.000 What were you driving?

00:49:26.000 I was riding a Harley-Davidson that I rented, a DynaGlide from Oat 8.

00:49:31.000 How many CCs is that?

00:49:34.000 I don't know, 1,200.

00:49:36.000 It's high.

00:49:37.000 And was it like a roadster?

00:49:39.000 Let's pull it up.

00:49:40.000 How do we pull it up?

00:49:40.000 Tell us what to Google image.

00:49:42.000 Look up an O8 Dyna glide.

00:49:45.000 Oh, that's interesting.

00:49:47.000 So no fairing or anything?

00:49:51.000 Well, it has a fairing over the light, but there's no windshield, no.

00:49:56.000 And you're doing probably like on average 40 miles an hour.

00:50:00.000 It's not like you're ripping down highways, right?

00:50:03.000 Yeah, the kilos, it was very slow.

00:50:06.000 It feels faster because you're on the left side of the road.

00:50:10.000 Oh, yeah.

00:50:10.000 Yeah, I don't like highways on my motorcycle.

00:50:13.000 I start pooping in my panties.

00:50:15.000 I love the idea of green and curving roads and all that stuff.

00:50:20.000 Well, I mean, when we rode from Dublin, that was pretty much the fastest we went.

00:50:24.000 We went up to Trolley and then down to the Ring of Kerry in Kira Vasine, which was like, you know, small mountain roads where it's just, you're basically going 40 miles an hour at the max.

00:50:35.000 And you're stopping at pubs and stuff?

00:50:38.000 Exactly.

00:50:39.000 Drinking Guinness is thick as syrup, drink a Jameson.

00:50:42.000 They're confused when you order a Jameson and a beer.

00:50:45.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:50:46.000 That seems like it's an American thing.

00:50:48.000 Maybe it's an American thing because our service isn't great here as far as pub culture goes.

00:50:53.000 So we like to stock up and have our supplies.

00:50:57.000 Well, they were telling me they were scared of Conor McGregor because he was a rough fella.

00:51:01.000 Like, they said they wouldn't serve Proper 12 because he hit that 60-year-old guy at his pub.

00:51:09.000 When did Ireland become Fegerland?

00:51:12.000 They were pretty gay.

00:51:13.000 I'm not going to lie.

00:51:14.000 I heard they all hate Trump's fucking guts.

00:51:18.000 I met a couple guys who really liked Trump, but I didn't talk politics most of the time I was there because I was scared that they were going to be super paused.

00:51:27.000 Yeah, they are super.

00:51:28.000 And Scotland has the same problem.

00:51:29.000 It's this underdog cult.

00:51:32.000 You see this in Canada.

00:51:33.000 You see it in Ireland.

00:51:34.000 You see it in Scotland where they are next to a big, powerful country, so they hate big and powerful.

00:51:41.000 And they have to flex.

00:51:42.000 So Trump represents big and powerful.

00:51:44.000 So they're like, what is there?

00:51:46.000 But Israel represents big and powerful.

00:51:48.000 So they're like, I love Palestine.

00:51:49.000 And you're like, no, you don't, you dumbass.

00:51:52.000 You're just choosing it because it's the underdog.

00:51:56.000 So anyway, sorry, I had to get that context.

00:51:59.000 What happened?

00:52:01.000 Well, so I got laid the first night I was there, right?

00:52:04.000 And I do no wanks, right?

00:52:06.000 I try to follow your mantras.

00:52:08.000 So I was there for 10 days, right?

00:52:09.000 So I had nine days, no jerking off, no coming, nothing.

00:52:13.000 I came back and I called a bitch I know. 1.00

00:52:15.000 I had to drive back from New York to Atlantic City, where I'm from, right?

00:52:19.000 Wow, you're from Atlantic City?

00:52:22.000 Correct, sir.

00:52:23.000 That's a dive.

00:52:25.000 Yes, it is.

00:52:26.000 Baghdad with G-string, sir.

00:52:28.000 Damn.

00:52:29.000 You basically live in Detroit.

00:52:32.000 Yes.

00:52:33.000 Yes, I do.

00:52:33.000 Rock City.

00:52:34.000 Put your makeup on.

00:52:36.000 Make your hair look pretty.

00:52:38.000 Meet me tonight in Atlantic City.

00:52:44.000 Did you hear that chicken man?

00:52:48.000 Well, they blew up.

00:52:49.000 What does he say?

00:52:50.000 They blew up the chicken man.

00:52:53.000 They blew up his whole house, too.

00:52:54.000 Yeah.

00:52:55.000 Well, they're not.

00:52:57.000 They blew up the chicken man in Philly last night.

00:53:00.000 I thought Bruce Brinkstein was a Jew. 0.92

00:53:02.000 I looked him up.

00:53:04.000 He's like Dutch. 1.00

00:53:06.000 No, he talks like a fucking cowboy because he owns a ranch, but he's from fucking Seaside Heights, which is way more gentrified than it is here.

00:53:14.000 Oh, really?

00:53:16.000 But his mom was a teacher.

00:53:19.000 I think he's lower middle class.

00:53:22.000 I'll take it.

00:53:23.000 He's middle class.

00:53:24.000 If you're from Jersey, you're lower middle class.

00:53:26.000 You're fucking middle class.

00:53:28.000 Okay.

00:53:29.000 That is one of the most beautiful songs I've ever written, though.

00:53:33.000 Yeah, it is great.

00:53:34.000 I'm not going to lie.

00:53:35.000 So is Highway Patrolman.

00:53:37.000 Oh, my God.

00:53:38.000 I came home.

00:53:39.000 Man turns his back on his family.

00:53:41.000 And that man ain't no good.

00:53:44.000 Remember fucking Bruce Springston and Barack Obama.

00:53:47.000 We were talking about this on Compound Censored, where Barack Obama's like, you know, you had that guy, Clarence Clemens, out there on the stage, and people are cheering in Jersey.

00:53:57.000 But, you know, this same guy, they're going to call him a nigger when he comes out of the bar. 0.97

00:54:01.000 What?

00:54:03.000 There hasn't been racism in New Jersey since 1891.

00:54:07.000 And when he says that, Bruce Springsteen is just like, yeah, that's everyone calling Clarence an N-word.

00:54:14.000 That's the way it goes.

00:54:15.000 Yeah, that was where we kind of turned our back on Bruce down here.

00:54:19.000 We kind of don't deal with him anymore.

00:54:21.000 Yeah, well, his whole 9-11 shit.

00:54:23.000 They loved it in Ireland, by the way.

00:54:25.000 I was weirded out by that.

00:54:27.000 They were all asking me about Bruce Springsteen when I told them I was from New Jersey.

00:54:30.000 Yeah.

00:54:31.000 Yeah, I kind of lost him with the 9-11 shit.

00:54:34.000 What was that song called?

00:54:35.000 The Ground Zero, or what was it called?

00:54:38.000 I actually don't know.

00:54:39.000 His 9-11 song?

00:54:40.000 I fucking hate Bruce Springsteen.

00:54:42.000 Yeah.

00:54:42.000 Fucking dope.

00:54:43.000 Well, politically, I like some of his old songs.

00:54:45.000 His synth shit lost me a little bit, but, you know, that's how it goes.

00:54:51.000 Anyway, we're really dragging up this call.

00:54:53.000 What's your conundrum?

00:54:57.000 I need advice.

00:54:58.000 All right.

00:54:58.000 So when I came back from that trip, I'd come back for a while, and I'd been eating fish and shifts, so I was pretty jammed up intestinally.

00:55:07.000 I called this nurse I know.

00:55:08.000 She comes over.

00:55:09.000 We're fucking, right?

00:55:11.000 She's blowing me.

00:55:12.000 I'm at her apartment, mind you.

00:55:15.000 She's blowing me.

00:55:16.000 She's blowing me very well.

00:55:18.000 And I had to shit pretty bad because I've been on a plane for about seven hours.

00:55:24.000 So I left a bit of a stain.

00:55:28.000 I left a skid mark on her sheets and I didn't tell her.

00:55:32.000 We fell asleep.

00:55:33.000 I woke up.

00:55:33.000 I saw it.

00:55:34.000 I put on my boots.

00:55:35.000 I got on my bike.

00:55:36.000 I went home.

00:55:37.000 Right.

00:55:38.000 So I don't know if I should call her again.

00:55:42.000 I'm asking for your advice on what I should do.

00:55:44.000 Should I just not call her again?

00:55:46.000 Should I call her and talk about it?

00:55:48.000 Should I just ignore it completely?

00:55:51.000 I want to know your opinion.

00:55:52.000 I got this one.

00:55:53.000 Oh, Barack Obama's here.

00:55:55.000 I do.

00:55:56.000 I've got the answer for him.

00:55:58.000 So you wind up hanging out with her a lot.

00:56:01.000 You know, in the next couple of days, you hang out with her about once a day and carry a chocolate bar in your pocket.

00:56:08.000 What about eight Barack?

00:56:09.000 What about a Jello pudding pop?

00:56:11.000 You could put a little bit of pudding on there, too.

00:56:14.000 I don't know where you're getting at with that.

00:56:16.000 But you sound like that you're about to talk about jello pudding pops.

00:56:21.000 A lot of folks pop jello, the way it jiggles.

00:56:25.000 But you just let yourself be the candy guy who always has chocolate in your pocket and be like, sorry, I got this chocolate bar in my back pocket.

00:56:32.000 I always carry it with me.

00:56:34.000 I don't know if I told you.

00:56:35.000 I'm a chocaholic.

00:56:36.000 Yeah.

00:56:36.000 And you...

00:56:37.000 Chocolate bar guy.

00:56:38.000 You put a chocolate smear on her couch.

00:56:41.000 Every time.

00:56:41.000 There I go again with my stupid Twitch bars.

00:56:44.000 But wait a minute.

00:56:45.000 Why would the chocolate be unwrapped in your pocket?

00:56:48.000 Well, you're saving some for later.

00:56:49.000 You know, when like you're a kid, you have half a candy bar to put in your pocket.

00:56:52.000 So Detective Shitty strikes again, and no, you're officially barred from giving advice on this show.

00:56:58.000 Detective shitty fucked me up.

00:57:00.000 Yeah.

00:57:00.000 And one thing about shit stains is it's not like you can like go get a Clorox bleach wipe and just go, doodle little loop, we're good.

00:57:09.000 That's what I'm worried about.

00:57:10.000 Like, I don't even know if you could wash it out at a laundromat.

00:57:15.000 It's a big deal, a shit stain.

00:57:16.000 I mean, it's fucking grease pencil.

00:57:20.000 Explain the fish and chips, man.

00:57:21.000 Yeah, there you go.

00:57:24.000 I would plow through like nothing happened.

00:57:31.000 Yeah, you're a man.

00:57:32.000 Let's get a beer shit.

00:57:34.000 And then if she goes, hey, can I...

00:57:36.000 So if you call her and you're like, let's grab a beer and she doesn't respond, you're like, oh, well, I guess she's sensitive about bed shitters.

00:57:45.000 But if she brings it up and she's like, can I talk to you about something?

00:57:49.000 You left a little chocolate streak on my sheets.

00:57:52.000 And you're like, oh, yeah, sorry about that.

00:57:54.000 Won't happen again.

00:57:56.000 Yeah, dude.

00:57:57.000 Or be like, it's a solidarity for Johnny Depp.

00:58:00.000 It's payback.

00:58:00.000 We've been through a lot of men.

00:58:02.000 But think about it.

00:58:03.000 You didn't fuck a kid. 0.89

00:58:05.000 Like, you had a minor accident that had nothing to do with you.

00:58:10.000 It's not negligence.

00:58:12.000 You didn't go like, guess what, bitch? 1.00

00:58:15.000 That'd be awesome, too.

00:58:16.000 So you had an accident.

00:58:17.000 It's the same as stubbing your toe or bumping your head.

00:58:21.000 Some poo came out of your bunk.

00:58:22.000 We know what's going to happen.

00:58:23.000 She's going to blow them left. 1.00

00:58:24.000 But I'm an adult man.

00:58:25.000 I feel like I shouldn't be shitting myself in this chick bed. 1.00

00:58:28.000 You're talking to the wrong man.

00:58:31.000 You should not be doing that.

00:58:32.000 That's why we have a mom and a dad. 0.75

00:58:34.000 The dad tells you, get your shit together, you fucking idiot, and slaps you around.

00:58:38.000 And your mom goes, It's okay.

00:58:39.000 We know that you have chocolate streaks when you get a blowjob. 0.91

00:58:45.000 I appreciate your counsel, Gavin.

00:58:46.000 Thanks for calling.

00:58:47.000 Thank you very much.

00:58:48.000 Is Gavin Chris Isaac?

00:58:49.000 Hear me out.

00:58:49.000 They're both snappy dressers.

00:58:51.000 True.

00:58:52.000 With catchy tunes.

00:58:53.000 Well, I have one catchy tune who have a love goddess on a circular bed dispensing relationship. 1.00

00:58:58.000 Advice, coincidence.

00:58:59.000 If you ever heard of Chris Isaac, you can be forgiven.

00:59:02.000 After all, he never had a felon cooking.

00:59:04.000 You know, one time my buddy Dan, we called him Sharky.

00:59:08.000 He had a pompadour and he wore suits.

00:59:12.000 And we would drink like, like, he ended up in rehab.

00:59:17.000 But we would go to South by Southwest every year.

00:59:20.000 And he would stay awake.

00:59:21.000 He stayed awake for five fucking days. 0.87

00:59:23.000 Not meth.

00:59:24.000 Cocaine and beer.

00:59:27.000 I can only go 14 hours.

00:59:28.000 That's how we came up with the acronym Downer.

00:59:31.000 Don't cock block. 0.91

00:59:33.000 Only 14 hours.

00:59:35.000 Water aplenty.

00:59:36.000 Never after 4 a.m.

00:59:39.000 Eat your dinner.

00:59:41.000 Regulate your bumps.

00:59:45.000 But he looked kind of like Chris Isaac.

00:59:47.000 So we went to the VIP, you know, like Delta house, those VIP lounges?

00:59:52.000 And I went up to the ladies and I said, hi, we don't have our cards to get him in here, but I'm Chris Isaac's manager.

00:59:59.000 And he's going to be here any second now.

01:00:01.000 And I just want to make sure everything goes through.

01:00:03.000 And there's a black lady. 1.00

01:00:04.000 This is actually one of the few moments of racism I've ever seen in my life.

01:00:08.000 There's a black lady and she's like, what? 1.00

01:00:10.000 What are you talking about?

01:00:12.000 And then Dan starts walking down and he's like at the end of the hallway.

01:00:16.000 And the white woman goes, I'll handle this, Shaniqua.

01:00:19.000 Yes, Mr. Isaac will be well taken care of.

01:00:22.000 You guys just go through that door.

01:00:24.000 And I was like, thank you so much.

01:00:25.000 And then me and Dan go into the lounge and just start fucking.

01:00:29.000 It was, I think, 6 a.m.

01:00:30.000 And we had to go behind the bar ourselves and start pulling pints.

01:00:33.000 That's why there was no bartender there.

01:00:36.000 It was great.

01:00:36.000 So you are Chris Isaac?

01:00:38.000 $100 coming in.

01:00:40.000 Another time, we left a bar, and I was with my wife's friend.

01:00:43.000 He was visiting.

01:00:44.000 He's actually dead now.

01:00:45.000 He died of an aneurysm, probably because he realized how cool I am and how he'll never be as cool as me.

01:00:52.000 But we come into some bar in the East Village, and I just say, come here.

01:00:56.000 I throw him in a limousine that's sitting there.

01:00:58.000 I get in the other side, and I go, hey, man, they're just going to take a taxi.

01:01:02.000 Can we go up to 14th Street?

01:01:04.000 And B, we've got to go to a bar called The Cock.

01:01:08.000 And he's like, oh, okay, whatever.

01:01:12.000 We just stole their limousine.

01:01:16.000 Liquid courage.

01:01:18.000 I know a guy who's in his 30s and he watches Disney kid movies, plays video games all day as a woman, dresses like a fag, has low tee. 1.00

01:01:26.000 Is he gay?

01:01:28.000 Is this your friend Mike, Ryan?

01:01:31.000 Who's Mike?

01:01:33.000 Mike.

01:01:34.000 This guy's obviously talking about you.

01:01:37.000 Oh, no, I don't know Mike.

01:01:38.000 That doesn't sound like me at all.

01:01:40.000 I noticed some people talking about how this shooter, by the way, in Texas played Call of Duty a lot, and that seems to be a common thread with mass shooters.

01:01:50.000 And I know we're into free speech and everything.

01:01:52.000 We're not allowed to criticize video games because it's the same as the comic book code and the PMRC and all that.

01:01:58.000 I'm open to it.

01:02:00.000 I'm open to the possibility that video games play a factor in these shootings.

01:02:04.000 I feel like more people play Call of Duty men than have guns.

01:02:08.000 So I think for the amount of shootings that have happened that happen to be Call of Duty players.

01:02:12.000 Oh, I see.

01:02:12.000 It could be like every shooter has played Call of Duty and then you're like, yes, and every shooter has drank in Coca-Cola.

01:02:19.000 Correct.

01:02:19.000 It's like that ubiquitous.

01:02:21.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:02:22.000 I hate video games, so I'm not an expert on this subject.

01:02:25.000 You know who is?

01:02:26.000 Matty Odell.

01:02:29.000 Matty! 0.62

01:02:31.000 Is that you there, Gavin?

01:02:33.000 See you, Yoeikon.

01:02:35.000 I'll fucking bow to you.

01:02:36.000 So well.

01:02:38.000 All right, right.

01:02:39.000 Both fun.

01:02:41.000 Hanging.

01:02:42.000 It's too good for you.

01:02:44.000 Hey.

01:02:45.000 How's it going down there in Florida?

01:02:48.000 Oh, it's great.

01:02:49.000 It's great.

01:02:50.000 I was out on the boat all day fishing.

01:02:53.000 What's the weather like?

01:02:55.000 Low 90.

01:02:57.000 High 80s, low 90s.

01:02:59.000 No, thank you.

01:03:00.000 How was your Scottish ass surviving that?

01:03:04.000 Today I had a full long sleeve shirt on that was SPF 50.

01:03:10.000 So the sun couldn't go through the shirt while I was out on the boat.

01:03:13.000 But my face, like my cheeks and my nose got a little red.

01:03:18.000 But not too bad.

01:03:19.000 I had glasses and a hat, too.

01:03:21.000 What kind of fish were you catching?

01:03:24.000 We were going for Mahi, like tuna, like dolphin fish.

01:03:30.000 But we caught these ones called panitas.

01:03:32.000 They're basically like mackerel and tuna.

01:03:35.000 They're in the same family.

01:03:36.000 Ah, yummy.

01:03:38.000 They're probably like, I don't know, two and a half, like 30 inches long, 32, 34 inches long.

01:03:44.000 40, 40.

01:03:45.000 40.

01:03:46.000 They're like predatory fish.

01:03:47.000 Oh, yeah, I know those.

01:03:48.000 The nickname among fishermen, they call them Gavin Dicks.

01:03:52.000 Here you go, Gavin Dicks.

01:03:54.000 I was out fishing Gavin Dicks all day.

01:03:58.000 We got about 10.

01:04:00.000 Did you fry them up tonight?

01:04:01.000 Did you eat them?

01:04:03.000 No, I got a...

01:04:04.000 Well, we cleaned them.

01:04:05.000 They're just sitting in the cooler on ice right now.

01:04:08.000 I'm going to have some tomorrow.

01:04:10.000 I mean, they're not that popular in America, but in the Mediterranean, they're considered a delicacy.

01:04:16.000 So I'm going to chef them up on the grill tomorrow.

01:04:19.000 Nice.

01:04:20.000 We're going to have to check it out.

01:04:22.000 I've eaten tons of marble and tons of tuna, so it can't be that much difference.

01:04:27.000 We should shoot at Maddie's awesome kitchen, Dilly. 0.80

01:04:30.000 Yeah.

01:04:31.000 Yeah.

01:04:32.000 So Sylv's not feeling good.

01:04:33.000 She's under the weather, huh?

01:04:35.000 Yeah, we don't have our Sylvia.

01:04:37.000 We're here alone.

01:04:38.000 Our whack pack has been thinned out.

01:04:42.000 Well, I'll be home tomorrow.

01:04:45.000 I'll be home tomorrow.

01:04:47.000 Maddie, shoot the little kitchen, and get off my lawn live next week for sure. 1.00

01:04:50.000 By the way, I made your pork chop recipe.

01:04:52.000 It came out delicious.

01:04:54.000 Look at it.

01:04:54.000 Check it out.

01:04:55.000 It was roasted on the sides.

01:04:58.000 You're real low.

01:04:58.000 I can barely hear you.

01:05:00.000 Oh, yeah.

01:05:00.000 I got to turn on my mic.

01:05:03.000 Yep, sir.

01:05:04.000 Yeah.

01:05:05.000 I seen the picture you sent me of you cooking the.

01:05:08.000 And how was the salsa verdict?

01:05:09.000 Oh, my God.

01:05:10.000 Fantastic.

01:05:11.000 Basically, to die for.

01:05:12.000 Caroline and I were just completely in awe.

01:05:16.000 Nice.

01:05:16.000 So, Gab, how did five guys go?

01:05:20.000 Dude, the most notable thing about it was when I bit it in the cheeseburger, I could taste and isolate every single thing there.

01:05:28.000 Yeah.

01:05:30.000 Did it fuck with your gut too much or no?

01:05:31.000 No, not at all.

01:05:32.000 Maybe because I was cheating with beer all week.

01:05:35.000 Yeah, probably.

01:05:37.000 That was fun, too.

01:05:38.000 I felt great.

01:05:38.000 No, I'm fat again.

01:05:41.000 All right, man.

01:05:43.000 What's that?

01:05:44.000 Thanks for checking in, gorgeous.

01:05:46.000 Yeah, yeah, definitely.

01:05:47.000 I'll see you tomorrow.

01:05:49.000 I'll see you Saturday.

01:05:50.000 Right on, dude.

01:05:50.000 All right, have a good one.

01:05:53.000 Take care of you.

01:05:54.000 Take care of you.

01:05:55.000 We've got a letter here.

01:05:56.000 Someone's mad at me for pronouncing detritus wrong.

01:06:01.000 Gavin, please say this word correctly.

01:06:03.000 It's annoying how you say it.

01:06:04.000 One of your numerous mispronunciations.

01:06:07.000 Ouch.

01:06:08.000 I appreciate that.

01:06:09.000 Like, typo's bad grammar gets on my nerves.

01:06:13.000 And I can appreciate me mispronouncing something pisses you off.

01:06:17.000 I'm with that.

01:06:18.000 Good.

01:06:18.000 That's like one time I was on my motorcycle in Brooklyn, and I had pink socks and a suit on, and these Puerto Ricans were like, you fucking fag, from their car.

01:06:29.000 And I was like, I appreciate you.

01:06:32.000 People get on my nerves, too, with their fashion.

01:06:35.000 So I get that.

01:06:36.000 Yeah, I get that you're mad.

01:06:37.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:06:38.000 That makes sense.

01:06:39.000 I'd probably tell me.

01:06:40.000 I'm on your side.

01:06:40.000 I'd probably call me a fag, too, if I was you.

01:06:43.000 Maybe I am a fag, fuck.

01:06:45.000 Good point.

01:06:46.000 You're a mile away.

01:06:47.000 You're still.

01:06:48.000 You know, I've been thinking, maybe.

01:06:51.000 We got another cool.

01:06:51.000 Oh, wait, wait.

01:06:52.000 We got to see this pronunciation, dumbass.

01:06:55.000 We are looking at how to pronounce these words in American English.

01:07:00.000 The pronunciation is as detritus.

01:07:04.000 No.

01:07:05.000 The second syllable and the trisy syllable.

01:07:08.000 Detritus?

01:07:09.000 I don't believe you.

01:07:11.000 I think I might continue to pronounce this.

01:07:14.000 Oh, no, it looks like they're right.

01:07:15.000 Detritus.

01:07:16.000 Detritus?

01:07:18.000 I got the armor?

01:07:19.000 That was contracted with...

01:07:20.000 I contracted detritus.

01:07:21.000 The thing about detritus is it sounds like a pile of shit.

01:07:26.000 You know what I mean?

01:07:27.000 Right.

01:07:27.000 Debris.

01:07:28.000 Detritus.

01:07:29.000 Detritus, it sounds like a...

01:07:32.000 It sounds like King Neptune has it as a fork.

01:07:35.000 Yeah, or like a Roman god.

01:07:37.000 Yeah, it sounds cool.

01:07:38.000 Lord Detritus, please stand trial for your man in the gallows.

01:07:43.000 That's a bummer.

01:07:44.000 I wonder if I could maybe get a petition to have it changed.

01:07:48.000 Can you do that?

01:07:49.000 I think so.

01:07:50.000 Detritus.

01:07:52.000 I'm not saying that word anymore.

01:07:53.000 Yeah, fuck it.

01:07:54.000 I hate detritus.

01:07:56.000 We could look up synonyms for it.

01:07:57.000 Detritus sounds exactly like what it is.

01:07:59.000 Synonyms for.

01:08:01.000 It's sort of like misnomer.

01:08:02.000 Misnomer is a word that you've got wrong, like I can't think of an example, but a word that people commonly meant.

01:08:11.000 Like, for example, non-plussed.

01:08:13.000 Non-plussed is a misnomer in the sense that people think it means unimpressed, but it means surprised.

01:08:22.000 So that's not actually a great example, but a misnomer is when a term is misunderstood.

01:08:28.000 But I wish misnomer just meant a general myth.

01:08:32.000 Like it's a misnomer that the earth is flat, but it doesn't mean that.

01:08:35.000 I want to start changing the language to fix my incredibly inept understanding of the English language.

01:08:40.000 That would be much more convenient.

01:08:43.000 We've got 949 on the line.

01:08:48.000 Hello.

01:08:52.000 Hello?

01:08:53.000 Hello?

01:08:55.000 Gavin?

01:08:56.000 Yep.

01:08:57.000 Oh, what's up, Gavin?

01:08:58.000 What's up, Brian?

01:08:59.000 What up?

01:08:59.000 Hey, Gavin, since you've lost some weight from fasting and probably gained back a little bit, you should let me make you a custom leather belt.

01:09:11.000 Ryan's wearing one, I think, right now.

01:09:13.000 He's right.

01:09:14.000 It's called the Andrew WG belt.

01:09:17.000 This is made with a water buffalo from Minnesota.

01:09:24.000 Has it got two prongs?

01:09:28.000 It's handmade.

01:09:28.000 Here, check it out.

01:09:29.000 Does it have two pegs?

01:09:32.000 One.

01:09:33.000 No, one.

01:09:34.000 Do you do any with two?

01:09:35.000 I like the two pegs.

01:09:37.000 Look at that.

01:09:38.000 We could do that.

01:09:39.000 Usually they're all stiff.

01:09:42.000 Oh, that's nice.

01:09:44.000 Take free ad.

01:09:45.000 Thanks for calling.

01:09:46.000 When I take team scrotum boobs, if there's ever been a sign that left-wing proponents don't give a damn about social justice, it's the fact that they won't allow marijuana legislation to pass unless it includes social justice reform.

01:09:59.000 The demands they want to include claim to help minorities affected by poor marijuana policies of the past, despite knowing Republicans will not cave to their obviously unpopular social justice faggotry. 0.99

01:10:11.000 So this means criminals involved in or associated with cartels will continue to make the money from marijuana and continue to be able to sustain criminal behavior like child sex trafficking and gangbanging, thus oppressing minorities even more than if reform is ignored.

01:10:27.000 How am I supposed to take anyone in this country in a position of authority seriously when our leaders can't make such a simple move?

01:10:34.000 Also, old school slavery wasn't that bad. 0.73

01:10:36.000 Uh-oh.

01:10:38.000 That's controversial.

01:10:39.000 Because at least they got to go outside, catch raise with their friends, and build camaraderie.

01:10:43.000 Most people don't even have that and just sit on their laptops becoming vitamin D deficient and tell themselves they're happy while writing weird grumps about politics.

01:10:56.000 Ah, funny takes.

01:10:59.000 It's funny how so much of America is scared of ideas.

01:11:03.000 Even my neighbors, all mad at me because of my ideas.

01:11:08.000 How gay. 0.71

01:11:11.000 Hello?

01:11:13.000 Hello?

01:11:14.000 Hello?

01:11:15.000 Hello?

01:11:16.000 Hello?

01:11:17.000 Hello?

01:11:18.000 Hello?

01:11:19.000 Hello?

01:11:20.000 Hello?

01:11:21.000 Hello?

01:11:22.000 Hello?

01:11:23.000 Hello?

01:11:24.000 Hello?

01:11:25.000 Yes, hello.

01:11:28.000 Are you guys talking to me?

01:11:29.000 Yes, yes.

01:11:29.000 We're speaking with you.

01:11:31.000 Yes.

01:11:31.000 Hello.

01:11:32.000 Sorry.

01:11:32.000 Okay.

01:11:33.000 I had a question.

01:11:34.000 I'm a subscriber on both platforms, Compound and Censored, and I want to go to the show, but I can't go to the show.

01:11:41.000 I got a two-year-old.

01:11:42.000 So I was wondering, is there any kind of like VIP room that you guys can open up on the platform to like let people buy tickets so they can see a streaming broadcast?

01:11:53.000 It's like a pay-per-view on June.

01:11:57.000 Like a pay-per-view like inside one of the platforms.

01:12:00.000 Why can't you leave your two-year-old with your wife? 0.93

01:12:04.000 I'm only gonna watch.

01:12:05.000 She's here by herself.

01:12:08.000 I'd rather not be on that issue.

01:12:10.000 All right.

01:12:10.000 Well, come to the next one.

01:12:12.000 I don't want to televise this because it takes away from the specialness of it.

01:12:19.000 If we were in COVID or something, we might do that.

01:12:22.000 But no, you got to go there, experience it.

01:12:24.000 There might be like a dock afterwards with some footage and stuff like that, but.

01:12:33.000 Oh, cool.

01:12:33.000 Thanks, man.

01:12:36.000 Go to VideoDrop.

01:12:37.000 Catch you later.

01:12:40.000 Thanks for calling.

01:12:42.000 Okay.

01:12:43.000 Go to the VideoDrop.

01:12:48.000 I get a weird feeling when I see the Jeffersons.

01:12:50.000 I just feel cozy, I guess, because it was such a huge part of my childhood.

01:12:54.000 Yeah.

01:12:55.000 Oh, it was part of your childhood, too.

01:12:56.000 We had Nick at Night, and it was All in the Family Cosby Show and Jefferson's.

01:13:00.000 I loved all of them.

01:13:01.000 I just feel like someone put a warm cardigan on me when this show comes on.

01:13:05.000 What the hell is he so mad about?

01:13:06.000 That nigga burned down my store. 1.00

01:13:08.000 Don't believe me.

01:13:10.000 What the hell's he so mad about?

01:13:11.000 That nigga burned down my store. 1.00

01:13:15.000 They said the N-word a lot on that show.

01:13:18.000 Yeah.

01:13:19.000 Remember, Jared Jefferson got this fancy watch?

01:13:22.000 It was worth like $2,000.

01:13:24.000 And when he tells his wife, she goes, nigga, please. 1.00

01:13:27.000 No way.

01:13:27.000 Oh, they used to use it like that.

01:13:29.000 Damn.

01:13:33.000 I want to find that clip.

01:13:34.000 Dude, Honeymooners?

01:13:35.000 Bro.

01:13:37.000 Oh, they said nigger every episode.

01:13:39.000 No, I don't.

01:13:40.000 Alice, have you been one of the...

01:13:43.000 Was there ever a black person on Honeymooners?

01:13:46.000 Never.

01:13:47.000 Actually, I don't know if this is.

01:13:48.000 Well, the new Honeymooners with Cedric the Entertainer and whatever the hell his name is.

01:13:55.000 Mrs. Jeterson, would you tell this woman to whom she is speaking?

01:14:00.000 Oh.

01:14:00.000 That's appropriation.

01:14:01.000 Why, certainly, Mrs. Van Morris.

01:14:04.000 Maurice, you are speaking to a jackass.

01:14:14.000 Oh.

01:14:17.000 The woman just called my wife a jackass. 1.00

01:14:21.000 I don't believe it.

01:14:22.000 Me neither.

01:14:24.000 You should have dropped the jacket.

01:14:26.000 I want to see.

01:14:26.000 I think the M-bomb's over here.

01:14:29.000 Damn, I dropped the needle good.

01:14:31.000 This is obviously a boar.

01:14:35.000 Yeah, they used to go great.

01:14:36.000 Dropped the needle good?

01:14:37.000 Everything was going great till you started dropping needles, fat boy Slim.

01:14:41.000 Go way back.

01:14:42.000 Oh, you want to set up the whole lead-in.

01:14:48.000 You should have dropped the jab. 0.51

01:14:50.000 Hey, we were good.

01:14:51.000 Everything was fine before you came in.

01:14:53.000 My needle was great.

01:14:58.000 Florence, I'd like some champagne.

01:15:00.000 Did you hear what they said to me?

01:15:02.000 Damn, dear dear. 0.98

01:15:03.000 What can you expect?

01:15:04.000 Mrs. Jefferson's obviously a poor. 1.00

01:15:08.000 What the hell did you say?

01:15:11.000 A boar?

01:15:12.000 Like a pig? 0.95

01:15:13.000 A poor.

01:15:14.000 Like a poor person.

01:15:15.000 No, Ryan, wrong again.

01:15:18.000 No one uses an adjective as a noun.

01:15:20.000 Oh, maybe he meant a white African farmer?

01:15:23.000 A boar.

01:15:24.000 A boar?

01:15:24.000 No, he meant a fucking pig.

01:15:27.000 Oh.

01:15:29.000 This is obviously a boar.

01:15:36.000 Are you losing your hearing?

01:15:38.000 No, but you're going to be losing your teeth.

01:15:41.000 It's too late to beg, chunk.

01:15:44.000 What are you doing?

01:15:45.000 What do you look like I'm doing?

01:15:46.000 You don't ask me that to me.

01:15:48.000 No, of course not.

01:15:49.000 I'm through and you have the social register.

01:15:57.000 Goodbye.

01:15:58.000 Oh, yeah?

01:15:58.000 Well, I won't tell you what you can kiss.

01:16:00.000 They were all about getting fired back then.

01:16:02.000 There was always like some opportunity they were graveling for.

01:16:04.000 And at the end of where I got it from...

01:16:07.000 80s culture.

01:16:08.000 They'd side with their family over whatever big opportunity was going to come up.

01:16:13.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:16:14.000 I feel like I can see Archie Bunker like blowing it.

01:16:18.000 That was a cool.

01:16:19.000 It was get fired, get in trouble back then.

01:16:22.000 It would always be like some, Archie or the protagonist would be kissing someone's ass the whole episode, and then the family would be behind him but disappointed, and then the family would take some abuse, and then he would turn, and he'd blow an opportunity.

01:16:36.000 To defend that.

01:16:37.000 And then it would be like, because his family came first, and then he'd be with his family at the end of the episode, and everyone would be happy.

01:16:44.000 Yeah.

01:16:45.000 Now, you know, people watch stuff like that and go, dude, why didn't you kiss his ass?

01:16:50.000 You could have been part of the social movie.

01:16:51.000 Just throw your fucking sister, cousin, mom under the table. 1.00

01:16:57.000 Whoa, that was a big piece.

01:17:01.000 Another one of our ceiling.

01:17:02.000 A fire.

01:17:03.000 Shit falls.

01:17:04.000 It's not fire.

01:17:06.000 Detective shitty.

01:17:07.000 This was our Jefferson's, by the way.

01:17:09.000 Oh, my God.

01:17:09.000 The PJs was the funniest fucking show.

01:17:13.000 So good.

01:17:13.000 It was amazing.

01:17:16.000 They're good.

01:17:18.000 This is a porno movie.

01:17:20.000 Oh, my God.

01:17:21.000 A porno movie in my clockhouse.

01:17:23.000 That was most dead.

01:17:24.000 This is an outrage.

01:17:26.000 This is all the super spouts.

01:17:28.000 Oh, no, no, no.

01:17:29.000 This wasn't a plan.

01:17:30.000 Is it CGI?

01:17:31.000 I thought it was fucking claymation for a second.

01:17:34.000 I think it's like a cross between claymation and CGI.

01:17:37.000 I mean, claymation, that would take billions of hours to make that show.

01:17:41.000 I bet it was...

01:17:42.000 It's a CGI fake claymation thing.

01:17:44.000 Yeah.

01:17:45.000 As a kid, I thought that that was...

01:17:46.000 Oh, that's a bummer.

01:17:48.000 That's cute.

01:17:48.000 You and I were watching the PJs together.

01:17:51.000 And the Jeffersons.

01:17:53.000 And the Jeffersons.

01:17:54.000 Well, no, I was watching the Jeffersons when it was live.

01:17:56.000 Oh, okay.

01:17:58.000 Mark is on the line.

01:17:59.000 Let's talk to Mock.

01:18:00.000 Hey.

01:18:02.000 Hey, Mock.

01:18:02.000 What's going on, Mock?

01:18:05.000 Hey, I'm doing alright.

01:18:07.000 Over here, you know, just got done checking the old prostate, and everything's good.

01:18:13.000 Cool.

01:18:14.000 Checking on your taints.

01:18:16.000 Self-yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:18:18.000 I heard that sun, you know, drinking bottles that shrink your taints.

01:18:23.000 I've been working on that.

01:18:25.000 Hmm.

01:18:26.000 Did you know when you get those radioactive isotopes for prostate cancer, they never take them out, and you're just sitting there for the rest of your life with radioactive isotopes in your taint?

01:18:36.000 Whoa.

01:18:37.000 Till you die?

01:18:38.000 He did not know that.

01:18:39.000 So weird.

01:18:40.000 All right.

01:18:41.000 So I got this scenario for you.

01:18:44.000 Okay, so whatever your favorite band is, favorite genre of music, would never exist.

01:18:52.000 Time Traveler comes up to you, and so you either have to fuck Buck Angel every once once a week for the rest of your life or get banged by like Gigi Gorgeous once a month for a year. 1.00

01:19:11.000 Wait a minute, stop.

01:19:13.000 What has this got to do with the favorite band, favorite music shit?

01:19:18.000 So look, so like your favorite band would never exist.

01:19:22.000 You can save this, but you have to get one.

01:19:27.000 I mean, I'm thinking of Crass, the anarcho-punk band.

01:19:31.000 I don't know.

01:19:32.000 Were they that good for the world?

01:19:33.000 I think they encouraged a lot of Antifa members.

01:19:36.000 Yeah, then your second favorite band.

01:19:37.000 It might be good to get rid of my favorite band.

01:19:41.000 But so let's erase the band part.

01:19:43.000 It's just a would you rather?

01:19:44.000 You don't need to add this like murdering a band.

01:19:47.000 So would I rather fuck Buck Angel once a week or what? 1.00

01:19:50.000 Suck Gigi Gorgeous's dick? 1.00

01:19:53.000 Once a month.

01:19:54.000 Yeah, once a month, Bertie.

01:19:55.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:19:55.000 Dude, we've been through this a million times.

01:19:58.000 You'd always rather fuck Buck Angel because at least then you're lying in bed at night and you're... 0.99

01:20:04.000 You're not gay. 0.86

01:20:05.000 You're not gay and you've never fucked a dude. 0.91

01:20:07.000 You fucked the ugliest woman imaginable, but you've never fucked a dude. 0.97

01:20:13.000 If you suck Gigi Gorgeous's dick or let him peg you or whatever, you fucked a dude. 1.00

01:20:18.000 It's like eating a piece of pizza that looks like a pile of garbage or eat a pile of garbage that tastes like pizza.

01:20:24.000 Yeah, I'd rather have the garbage or eat the pizza still.

01:20:28.000 Yeah, the pizza.

01:20:30.000 All right, thanks for calling.

01:20:31.000 No, no, you don't get to.

01:20:33.000 You get the fade, though.

01:20:34.000 That's for sure.

01:20:36.000 For every Kohler trying to squeeze the second thing, you will get the fade.

01:20:38.000 Did you know Sylvia refuses to fuck me because I'm married? 1.00

01:20:41.000 I heard.

01:20:44.000 You didn't frame it that way before.

01:20:45.000 Before it was kind of like...

01:20:46.000 You said, I would never sleep with you because you're married. 0.80

01:20:50.000 I don't want to fuck with someone's marriage.

01:20:53.000 Did you do this?

01:20:53.000 I was like...

01:20:54.000 Dang it.

01:20:55.000 Is that what's holding us apart?

01:20:57.000 This?

01:20:57.000 I thought it was the first time.

01:20:59.000 We're one gold band away from a massive fuck sesh?

01:21:05.000 Hold on tight, Ring.

01:21:07.000 Hold on tight.

01:21:09.000 We got some.

01:21:10.000 No, I love her.

01:21:10.000 That don't mean to disparage her.

01:21:11.000 That was Elaine.

01:21:12.000 724, you're on the line.

01:21:16.000 Hi, guys.

01:21:17.000 Hey, man.

01:21:17.000 What's up?

01:21:19.000 Hey, guys.

01:21:20.000 I'm going to try to impersonate every caller from now on.

01:21:22.000 Okay.

01:21:22.000 All right.

01:21:23.000 So go ahead, sir.

01:21:25.000 Yes.

01:21:26.000 So I don't know if you're seeing these reports that these cops allowed that shooter an hour inside with all these little children before even attempting to enter the school.

01:21:44.000 What are your thoughts on it?

01:21:44.000 Do you think it's just maybe they got rid of all the good cops because they didn't want to take a COVID shot or they just have shitty cops in Texas?

01:21:57.000 Jonathan Lazy.

01:21:58.000 Is your nickname Jonathan Sirious Pants?

01:22:03.000 Actually, it is.

01:22:04.000 Oh, wow.

01:22:05.000 That's the first time I've ever guessed a nickname.

01:22:07.000 We have caller.

01:22:11.000 Do you feel that the cops who didn't get in there, how do you feel about that?

01:22:17.000 Are we losing all our good cops?

01:22:19.000 Did you squeeze in your hot take with a question?

01:22:21.000 We're on to you.

01:22:23.000 Do you think maybe it's possible?

01:22:25.000 Welcome back.

01:22:26.000 I'm caller number three on Get Off My Lawn Live.

01:22:30.000 I want to talk to you about the...

01:22:31.000 You sound like the newscaster from The Simpsons.

01:22:34.000 Yeah, I don't know that whole story.

01:22:36.000 So what was the story?

01:22:37.000 The cops were outside for like minutes and minutes.

01:22:41.000 An hour, they say, some people.

01:22:43.000 An hour.

01:22:43.000 It doesn't take that long to kill 19 kids.

01:22:46.000 It takes 19 seconds.

01:22:48.000 They're arresting parents.

01:22:49.000 What?

01:22:50.000 They what?

01:22:51.000 Sorry?

01:22:53.000 There was parents that were trying to go in, and they actually like, I think they tased one or something like that.

01:22:59.000 Tucker had it on tonight.

01:23:01.000 It was pretty.

01:23:02.000 Right.

01:23:02.000 I thought that was after the shooting, though.

01:23:04.000 Like, they wanted to help, you know, ka-chunk-ka-chunk kind of thing. 1.00

01:23:08.000 And the police were saying, you're not an EMT.

01:23:10.000 Don't worry, we'll handle it.

01:23:11.000 And they had to hold the parents back.

01:23:14.000 I thought it was before this way, Destroy Tucker portrayed it.

01:23:18.000 I don't know.

01:23:18.000 I mean, like I said, I think all this shit's just coming out right now.

01:23:21.000 So it's going to be interesting to see.

01:23:23.000 Yeah, that sounds like that was what happened in Parkland, right?

01:23:27.000 The cops were outside too scared to go in.

01:23:30.000 But yeah, I think your original assessment is accurate that the new breed of cop is a pussy rule follower because that's what they made the job into. 0.99

01:23:42.000 I do not know one cop who wants his kid to be a cop.

01:23:47.000 The job is dead.

01:23:49.000 The job is dead.

01:23:52.000 And these are people whose great-granddad was a cop.

01:23:55.000 So we've got generation after generation of cops and it's finally ended now because they've ruined the fucking job.

01:24:02.000 Anyway, thanks for calling.

01:24:04.000 Very disturbing.

01:24:05.000 Yeah.

01:24:07.000 I haven't even looked at myself.

01:24:09.000 But in Scotland, they just, every seven-foot-tall man was a cop.

01:24:13.000 That was just it.

01:24:14.000 That's how it went.

01:24:15.000 Because Scotland has the Highlanders and the Lowlanders. 0.52

01:24:18.000 So the Lowlanders are like the urban Glaswegians, but the Highlanders were like the descendants of the Picts who were fucking giant people.

01:24:30.000 Like they had full-body, they were sort of the aboriginals of Scotland. 0.98

01:24:34.000 They had full-body tattoos.

01:24:35.000 They cut your head off and ate it.

01:24:37.000 And they looked exactly like this with big mustaches and tattoos.

01:24:42.000 Those are the Picts. 1.00

01:24:43.000 Look up the Picts. 1.00

01:24:45.000 P-I-C-T-S. 1.00

01:24:48.000 And then they became like the Bravehearts in the Tartan fucking kilts and all that.

01:24:53.000 So they were fucking huge.

01:24:56.000 There's my people.

01:24:58.000 And then when Glasgow became the Industrial Revolution hotspot, all the Highlanders came down from the hills and they started working in the factory.

01:25:07.000 That literally looks like you.

01:25:08.000 It is food tattoos.

01:25:10.000 It is me.

01:25:11.000 Little ass dick. 1.00

01:25:12.000 Except the dick is a third of mine.

01:25:15.000 And you have the head of somebody?

01:25:16.000 He's like me after I dip on a cold day.

01:25:20.000 I guess it is a cold day, right?

01:25:21.000 It's Scotland.

01:25:21.000 Yeah, so that is me.

01:25:23.000 That's your shield made of Maker's Mark Wack.

01:25:26.000 My dick could get that cold maybe in February if I was outside.

01:25:30.000 Do you see the face?

01:25:31.000 That looks like...

01:25:31.000 This is fucking creepy to me.

01:25:33.000 Yeah, let's try to do a side-by-side.

01:25:36.000 Oh, that's a full thing.

01:25:37.000 That's present.

01:25:38.000 The guy in the spear is you.

01:25:40.000 Ouch.

01:25:41.000 Well, no, he's not on the stake.

01:25:43.000 He's just being held and also...

01:25:44.000 He's dual-wielding in one hand.

01:25:47.000 That's weird.

01:25:49.000 Yeah, that's a different color, is that sword, kneecap tattoos?

01:25:53.000 Look, he's got...

01:25:54.000 Oh, you get the plaid.

01:25:55.000 He's got tartan tattoos.

01:25:56.000 You get tartan tattoos.

01:25:57.000 That's a cool tattoo idea.

01:26:00.000 So after Glasgow's Industrial Revolution was over, and they were no...

01:26:06.000 Like made in Taiwan, it used to be made in Glasgow.

01:26:08.000 Glasgow made everything.

01:26:09.000 All your clothes, your whiskey, all the boats were made in Glasgow.

01:26:13.000 And then that entire industry died.

01:26:15.000 So you've got these giant men from the highlands.

01:26:19.000 And they all became cops.

01:26:22.000 So when you were a bad boy at school, you'd go to the principal's office and they'd just bring in a cop to bullshit, like to scare you.

01:26:29.000 And they'd be like, we're forced to call the police, the polis.

01:26:32.000 The polis want to speak to you, Gavin.

01:26:35.000 You got, you need working on, boy.

01:26:38.000 And you'd shit your pants because there was a fucking monster in the room.

01:26:42.000 A giant bobby.

01:26:45.000 Now, now I saw the fucking hats.

01:26:48.000 You know, the bobby hats?

01:26:50.000 They're rainbow-colored.

01:26:52.000 I know.

01:26:53.000 Yes.

01:26:54.000 London police wear rainbow-colored bobby helmets because what now?

01:27:03.000 Gay rights? 0.99

01:27:05.000 The only people that hate gays are Muslims, which is a lot of London.

01:27:09.000 But I don't think that's what you're going for.

01:27:12.000 You're basically like saying Nazi skinheads or something.

01:27:18.000 There we go.

01:27:20.000 Look at that absolute fag. 1.00

01:27:23.000 That's one of the times when the word gay is both gay and gay.

01:27:29.000 That's every definition of the word gay. 0.99

01:27:33.000 Oh my God.

01:27:35.000 Did he make that himself?

01:27:36.000 It looks like it.

01:27:38.000 What a dork.

01:27:39.000 They're good at crafts.

01:27:42.000 Born to craft.

01:27:44.000 Baby, I was born to craft.

01:27:47.000 Macaroni cheese.

01:27:48.000 Next caller is...

01:27:49.000 That was one of the worst jokes.

01:27:52.000 304, you're on the line.

01:27:56.000 Hello, hello.

01:27:58.000 Hello, hello.

01:27:59.000 Hello, hello.

01:28:02.000 Is that your hot guy voice?

01:28:04.000 Yeah, dude, you're fuckable.

01:28:05.000 Hey, man.

01:28:06.000 Let me guess.

01:28:07.000 You're super fucking hot.

01:28:10.000 Are you leaning against something?

01:28:12.000 And what kind of cigarette do you have?

01:28:14.000 What time is it, man?

01:28:16.000 Yeah, cool guys always need to know the time, man.

01:28:19.000 He has like a cardigan on with no shirt underneath.

01:28:21.000 He's like, oh, sorry, I just woke up.

01:28:23.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:28:24.000 What time is it?

01:28:25.000 Video on?

01:28:26.000 Shit, how can you see me?

01:28:27.000 Yeah, we have FaceTime now.

01:28:29.000 Fuck.

01:28:30.000 Are you a George Clooney going to ride around your motorcycles promoting tequila?

01:28:39.000 Fellas, this is Ragnar Deniskjold of Cape Fear Chapter.

01:28:45.000 Just wanted to say hey and wish Gavin a happy Founder's Day.

01:28:50.000 Oh, fuck, I forgot.

01:28:51.000 We're six years old today.

01:28:53.000 This is it, right?

01:28:54.000 This is Proud Boys' Day.

01:28:56.000 This is it.

01:28:57.000 Six years ago today, we announced the formation of the Proud Boys at about, I don't know, 8 p.m.

01:29:04.000 Wow.

01:29:05.000 And what chapter are you?

01:29:09.000 Cape Fear, North Carolina.

01:29:11.000 Cape Fear?

01:29:12.000 Never heard of it.

01:29:14.000 They made a movie about us.

01:29:16.000 It was several years before we were founded somehow called Cape Fear.

01:29:23.000 It had Robert De Niro in it.

01:29:25.000 You might have heard of it.

01:29:26.000 I'm remotely familiar with the barrister.

01:29:29.000 I don't know.

01:29:29.000 It was a documentary.

01:29:30.000 What does he call it lawyer?

01:29:31.000 Counselor or barrister?

01:29:32.000 Counselor?

01:29:34.000 Good morning, Counselor.

01:29:35.000 I don't even know.

01:29:37.000 And when he pulls up on his fucking convertible, that's the scariest scene in the whole movie.

01:29:44.000 Yeah, it's been a long time since I've seen it.

01:29:47.000 You know, I always use the boat.

01:29:50.000 I always use the boat in that movie to define marriage when I tell men that if you're divorced, it's your fault, no matter what happened.

01:29:58.000 Because no matter what the weather is, you're driving the boat.

01:30:03.000 You got to keep this thing going.

01:30:06.000 And they go, she was a crazy bitch. 1.00

01:30:07.000 And I'm like, yeah, the weather was bad that night.

01:30:12.000 You still got to steer the thing.

01:30:16.000 But thank you.

01:30:18.000 I want to move to Greenville.

01:30:19.000 Am I going to be near Cape Fear?

01:30:21.000 Will you guys be my nearest chapter?

01:30:25.000 We won't be the nearest.

01:30:27.000 No, you're going to have, there's a couple awesome kick-ass South Carolina chapters that are going to be right around close to you.

01:30:34.000 So there'll be that, but we will see each other.

01:30:38.000 Yeah, we will have some Carolina meets between North and South Carolina.

01:30:47.000 So I'll definitely see it.

01:30:48.000 But I just wanted to call you, wish you a happy Founders Day.

01:30:52.000 You're a great man and a statesman.

01:30:54.000 And, man, you've made a real difference in a lot of people's lives.

01:30:59.000 I've got more than one guy that said that this club literally saved their lives.

01:31:06.000 So, you know, I know that, you know, you stepped away a little while back, but, you know, kind of like your theory on the Big Bang, how God put it all into action.

01:31:19.000 I don't necessarily prescribe to that, how that all happened, but man, you put all this into motion and made it happen.

01:31:27.000 So this is the day that I definitely credit to you and not just our birthday.

01:31:32.000 Not just our birthday, but also saying thank you to the man that founded it.

01:31:36.000 Cheers, buddy.

01:31:38.000 To your health.

01:31:39.000 Cheers.

01:31:40.000 Thanks a lot.

01:31:41.000 And to yours.

01:31:42.000 And just for you.

01:31:47.000 Proud of your boy.

01:31:49.000 I'll make you proud of your boy.

01:31:53.000 Believe me, bad as I've been, Ma.

01:31:56.000 You're in for a pleasant surprise.

01:32:00.000 I've wasted time.

01:32:03.000 I've wasted me.

01:32:07.000 So say I'm slow for my age.

01:32:09.000 A late bloomer.

01:32:11.000 Okay, I agree.

01:32:14.000 That I've been a one-rotten kid.

01:32:16.000 Some sun, some pride, and some joy.

01:32:20.000 But I'll get over these lousing up, messing up, screwing up times.

01:32:27.000 You'll see my now comes the better part.

01:32:30.000 Somebody's gonna make good crosses, stupid heart.

01:32:34.000 Make good and finally make you proud of you, boy.

01:32:47.000 At meetups, we never go past that.

01:32:49.000 No, I don't know the rest of the song.

01:32:51.000 It could be like death middle.

01:32:53.000 He'd always be like, oh, yeah.

01:32:55.000 Mia, no good. 0.97

01:32:58.000 Yeah, come out in the middle of no.

01:32:59.000 How do you know the second half?

01:33:00.000 20 minutes after.

01:33:01.000 He's like doing the bridge.

01:33:02.000 Yeah.

01:33:04.000 He's like, well, you better watch out if you want to know what's up.

01:33:07.000 What is the second half?

01:33:08.000 There's like the act outs in between.

01:33:10.000 Yeah.

01:33:11.000 I'm the genie.

01:33:13.000 That's why I'm blue, by the way.

01:33:14.000 Well, guess what, Mr. Genie?

01:33:17.000 What is the next line in that?

01:33:19.000 Tell me.

01:33:20.000 Let's see, right here.

01:33:21.000 Tell me that I've been a louse and a loafer.

01:33:23.000 You won't get a fight out of me.

01:33:24.000 No, ma'am.

01:33:25.000 Yeah, it's so weird, too, because everyone's like, ha ha, and cheersing and walking away.

01:33:28.000 And then Paul's like, tell me that I've been a louse and a loafer.

01:33:31.000 And we're like, what?

01:33:33.000 Dude, the act that.

01:33:34.000 Shut up, dude.

01:33:35.000 You rules.

01:33:37.000 We love our Paul.

01:33:38.000 He's a great guy.

01:33:39.000 Great guy.

01:33:40.000 He's got a book coming out about the Proud Boy.

01:33:42.000 Fucking A. Another 904 number.

01:33:45.000 These are different callers, too.

01:33:47.000 A lot of people.

01:33:48.000 They might be the 904.

01:33:49.000 Oh, yeah, maybe.

01:33:50.000 We got no chicks calling this app. 1.00

01:33:52.000 No, if you're chicks, what's going on, guy? 0.96

01:33:56.000 Hey, Gavin.

01:33:57.000 Hey, I just wanted to call and say I appreciate you.

01:34:02.000 And I want to get you fitted for a new cockering, leather cockering. 1.00

01:34:07.000 Isn't that right, Ryan?

01:34:10.000 Do you have a lot of leather?

01:34:12.000 Because I got a lot of cock. 1.00

01:34:14.000 And do you also have a very little bit of leather?

01:34:17.000 Isn't that right, Ryan?

01:34:18.000 Because I'd like one, too.

01:34:22.000 I'd show him.

01:34:22.000 I'll show him.

01:34:23.000 If you want to see how big my tuck is, you may want to check on Ryan's asshole. 0.65

01:34:28.000 It looks like a baby yawning.

01:34:30.000 He's right.

01:34:31.000 Isn't this weird?

01:34:34.000 That's true.

01:34:34.000 Oh, are you making fun of the belt guy?

01:34:36.000 Don't make fun of the belt guy.

01:34:37.000 Anyway, what can I do you for?

01:34:40.000 I got hit by a car today.

01:34:42.000 Whoa.

01:34:43.000 I was walking through a parking lot.

01:34:45.000 I got hit by a Ford Fiesta.

01:34:48.000 And he just, you know, it kind of popped me.

01:34:53.000 You know, I kind of staggered.

01:34:55.000 Dude came out.

01:34:57.000 I just was like, oh, dude, dude, I'm okay.

01:34:59.000 I was like, whatever, it's all right.

01:35:00.000 But my question is, I walked away.

01:35:02.000 I said, I'm fine.

01:35:03.000 I got in my car.

01:35:04.000 Should I have laid on the ground?

01:35:05.000 Should I have dying cockroached?

01:35:08.000 Flopped like a fish?

01:35:10.000 Or did I do the right thing?

01:35:12.000 Well, you're calling a white person.

01:35:14.000 So obviously I'm going to say you did the right thing.

01:35:18.000 You don't lie.

01:35:19.000 You don't cheat and steal.

01:35:20.000 But we have a Puerto Rican in the room, and I'm sure he's here to tell you that you should have lay down and started screaming about your back. 1.00

01:35:27.000 Hold on, guys.

01:35:28.000 No, no, no.

01:35:29.000 My fucking leg is starting to hurt just from hearing this, actually.

01:35:32.000 Yeah, my wife slipped at a Walgreens, and this Puerto Rican woman was like, sit down, sit down, I got you. 1.00

01:35:38.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:35:39.000 I'm familiar with that sentiment.

01:35:42.000 But thanks for calling.

01:35:44.000 We don't rip off people.

01:35:45.000 I wouldn't personally do that, but I've.

01:35:47.000 Well, your people are experts at it.

01:35:49.000 It's against instinct to say it, but yeah, I would not do that.

01:35:54.000 Look at this letter.

01:35:55.000 Crisis actor.

01:35:56.000 I hate to be that guy.

01:35:57.000 Uh-oh, is this someone going to tell us that the Texas shooting is not true?

01:36:02.000 You should hate to be that guy.

01:36:04.000 I hate to be that guy, but something about this is off.

01:36:06.000 He seems like he's performatively crying without any real tears streaming down his face or snot coming from his nose.

01:36:13.000 You know, like when real people cry.

01:36:16.000 Maybe he's so depleted from the trauma, this seems dubious to me.

01:36:20.000 Also, he calls him Mr. Cooper.

01:36:21.000 That gave me huge fucking creeps.

01:36:24.000 What do you think?

01:36:25.000 One thing I will say about these shootings is a lot of the time when you see someone talking, they took a Xanax or a fucking Percocet so they could make it through the day.

01:36:36.000 So sometimes they might smile or giggle or seem like okay with things because their fucking dopamines are pumping.

01:36:44.000 And haven't you become a person that you never ever even had a sliver of an experience being?

01:36:49.000 Like a person who's lost somebody that close to you?

01:36:51.000 You're like, how could you be you?

01:36:52.000 Why are you mustard, by the way?

01:36:54.000 I'm not mustard myself, but the color of me is mustard, yes.

01:36:58.000 If that's what you meant.

01:36:59.000 Now I'm why did you do that?

01:37:01.000 Is that funny to you?

01:37:02.000 It's cute.

01:37:04.000 Cute.

01:37:04.000 It's just like a little visual pop.

01:37:06.000 I match your background.

01:37:07.000 This is sick.

01:37:09.000 And you can barely tell.

01:37:10.000 Like, my skin color doesn't look that off, so it just looks like I'm wearing a different shirt.

01:37:13.000 No, it makes you look like an amateur, which I guess is an accurate representation of what you are.

01:37:18.000 Oh, now I'm pink.

01:37:20.000 But yeah, I went to a funeral once.

01:37:22.000 My buddy Joe, he just died in the middle of the night.

01:37:25.000 No drugs, no nothing.

01:37:27.000 He had a heart irregularity.

01:37:30.000 And he was told to look into it, and he's like, Yeah, whatever.

01:37:34.000 Two kids, girl wife wakes up dead.

01:37:40.000 Oh my god, Joe Fiorentino was his name.

01:37:43.000 He was in a band with me.

01:37:45.000 And I went to the funeral, and his wife was like, Hey, what's going on?

01:37:51.000 And I go, Oh, we're crying like faggots. 1.00

01:37:54.000 And I go, you seem pretty solid.

01:37:57.000 And she's like, I'm high out of my mind.

01:37:59.000 I'm on 4Zanax.

01:38:01.000 So you could shoot me in the face right now.

01:38:03.000 I wouldn't care.

01:38:04.000 Anyway, a little side note for the conspiracy theorists out there.

01:38:08.000 And by the way, just like I say, anti-Semitism is a rut.

01:38:11.000 Don't get into like shootings are fake.

01:38:14.000 I think it's very reasonable to think that a lot of major things are set up by the feds and they encourage the shooter to go do something big.

01:38:23.000 I'm fine with that.

01:38:24.000 But like never happened and everyone's acting.

01:38:27.000 That's a rut.

01:38:27.000 But wait a minute, Ryan, don't, we had a $500 one we didn't read.

01:38:30.000 Yes.

01:38:31.000 That's not the deal.

01:38:31.000 We read all $100 and ups.

01:38:33.000 Basically, what I'd like to know is I subscribe both combat.

01:38:36.000 I'd like to go...

01:38:37.000 Oh, okay.

01:38:37.000 Well, we already talked to you.

01:38:38.000 You could use that $5 to bribe your wife and be like, here, or get a steal. 0.83

01:38:41.000 Dude, you just spent $500.

01:38:42.000 We'll refund you, sir.

01:38:44.000 Jeez.

01:38:45.000 Why don't you fucking just fly down for 24 hours?

01:38:49.000 Unless you'll kill you and your family.

01:38:51.000 Oh, yeah.

01:38:52.000 Yeah, fly the family down. 0.97

01:38:53.000 I traveled with babies.

01:38:54.000 I brought my babies to Scotland regularly.

01:38:57.000 Would you rather let Ryan get mugged and raped once?

01:39:00.000 Yes.

01:39:01.000 End of question.

01:39:02.000 No, there's more.

01:39:04.000 We're done.

01:39:06.000 Why?

01:39:07.000 That was tough.

01:39:07.000 You're not getting anything out of it.

01:39:10.000 The next line could be, and receive a grain of rice and get a cigarette off the ground handed to you with gloves on.

01:39:21.000 I'm not giving you my personal rice stash anymore then.

01:39:24.000 Would you rather let Ryan get mugged and raped once, but the Mets win the World Series that year, or have Ryan live a rape-free and very prosperous life, but the Mets never win the World Series?

01:39:32.000 No, answer this series.

01:39:33.000 Rape it up. 0.95

01:39:34.000 No, answer this series.

01:39:35.000 Rape it up. 0.95

01:39:36.000 I'll take it.

01:39:37.000 I'll rape him. 0.97

01:39:39.000 I'll rape him right now. 1.00

01:39:40.000 Nobody's asking you to do that, though.

01:39:43.000 That's pure out of the evil of your heart.

01:39:45.000 I would let him get raped if the Mets hit a home run that they were going to win anyway. 1.00

01:39:53.000 If you can get nosebleed seats couldn't go because it got rained out.

01:39:57.000 I would let Ryan get raped for a Mets home run, even though they were going to get a home run anyway. 0.57

01:40:02.000 Wow.

01:40:05.000 Terrible.

01:40:06.000 All right, there's another one there.

01:40:07.000 And somebody on the line.

01:40:08.000 But let's wait a minute.

01:40:09.000 We got to go back to these crisis actors.

01:40:11.000 Oh, yes.

01:40:12.000 And see what is fishy with the allegedly fake tears.

01:40:16.000 So we're going to look up.

01:40:19.000 I mean, the whole thing with Sandy Hook being fake and all that, have we had a fake shooting where there's evidence it was fake?

01:40:25.000 I don't know.

01:40:26.000 If it happened once, I might be open to it.

01:40:29.000 I can't get past, like, where are you hiding the people then?

01:40:31.000 With the people?

01:40:32.000 What do you mean fake?

01:40:33.000 And they're all so they're all actors.

01:40:35.000 It never happened.

01:40:36.000 So like the whole town is in cahoots.

01:40:39.000 Like Sandy Hook was in Newtown.

01:40:42.000 Everyone in Newtown is like, oh, I don't want to talk about it.

01:40:44.000 Well, what if the deaths are real, but then there's like weirdery going on?

01:40:48.000 Like government programs, mind control, things of that nature.

01:40:53.000 So they control the whole town's mind?

01:40:55.000 No, no, no, no.

01:40:56.000 That real shooting happened, but the shooter was programmed or coerced.

01:41:02.000 That I'm open to, not with Sandy Hook, but with other things.

01:41:04.000 Like we saw with the kidnapping of Governor Whitmer.

01:41:08.000 We saw the feds were literally two-thirds of the plot was feds.

01:41:12.000 Anyway, we're running out of time here.

01:41:14.000 Click on those links and let's see if this guy is right for being dubious.

01:41:21.000 Oh, gotcha.

01:41:23.000 I gotcha.

01:41:24.000 He includes his home number in this email, which is weird.

01:41:27.000 Oh, my.

01:41:28.000 Hey, Kevin.

01:41:28.000 Yeah, got your email.

01:41:30.000 Great email, man.

01:41:31.000 Stat, say hi.

01:41:34.000 Your name kind of sounds like mine.

01:41:36.000 Hey.

01:41:37.000 Hey, sorry to wake you.

01:41:39.000 I just want you to know I got your email.

01:41:41.000 I've avoided watching all of this because it's a little too.

01:41:45.000 I saw some lunatic on Twitter, like some politician saying, we need to show the pictures of the dead bodies so we can wake up and enforce real gun control.

01:41:57.000 No, thank you.

01:41:59.000 But go read the top of it.

01:42:00.000 What does it say?

01:42:02.000 Amiro Joe Garza's father, a med aid, says he found out he was one of the victims when he arrived on the scene and was helping another little girl covered in blood.

01:42:10.000 She told him her best friend had been shot.

01:42:12.000 When he asked her name, she said his daughters.

01:42:15.000 There aren't worth.

01:42:16.000 You know what I read today?

01:42:18.000 Sorry to bring everyone down.

01:42:19.000 But some like 11-year-old amongst the bodies, she took blood that was all over another girl's face because it was her blood.

01:42:29.000 She smeared it on her own face and then played dead. 0.98

01:42:32.000 Whoa.

01:42:34.000 Welcome to hell.

01:42:36.000 That really is a level of hell I can't even imagine.

01:42:39.000 That's like World War II hell.

01:42:41.000 I haven't allowed myself to imagine that.

01:42:42.000 You know what I mean?

01:42:43.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:42:44.000 You know when you say you can't imagine having kids on what life's like?

01:42:47.000 Well, I have kids, but you couldn't imagine anything bad happening.

01:42:50.000 I can't physically.

01:42:51.000 I haven't tried.

01:42:52.000 I don't want to try.

01:42:53.000 I'm not helping anyone by imagining that, so I haven't let it in my head.

01:42:57.000 Good point.

01:42:58.000 But yeah, let's see this guy talking.

01:43:04.000 I'm a med aid.

01:43:06.000 So when I arrived on the scene, they still had kids inside.

01:43:10.000 They started bringing the kids out, and I was aiding assistance.

01:43:14.000 One little girl was just covered in blood head to toe.

01:43:18.000 Like, I thought she was injured.

01:43:19.000 I asked her what was wrong.

01:43:21.000 And she said she's okay.

01:43:22.000 She was hysterical, saying that they shot her best friend, that they killed her best friend, she's not breathing, and she was trying to call the cops.

01:43:29.000 And I asked the little girl the name, and she's...

01:43:34.000 And she told me, she said, Amory.

01:43:40.000 That's how you learn.

01:43:45.000 And what are these things fishy about this?

01:43:48.000 He's too articulate, I guess?

01:43:50.000 No.

01:43:50.000 I mean, like, I'm guessing part of the process I would have no idea is like talking about it, right?

01:43:55.000 Don't you want to talk about it?

01:43:56.000 No, but also you're literally in shock.

01:43:59.000 Right.

01:43:59.000 There's probably, You know, people, you're not you when anything traumatic like that happens.

01:44:03.000 I'm not me after a bad shit.

01:44:05.000 So, great analogy, Ryan.

01:44:07.000 Could work.

01:44:08.000 Thanks.

01:44:09.000 But yeah.

01:44:10.000 Let's see more.

01:44:12.000 She was so sweet.

01:44:14.000 Shakoopie. 0.86

01:44:15.000 She was the sweetest little girl who did nothing wrong.

01:44:20.000 She listened to her mom and dad.

01:44:23.000 She always brushed her teeth.

01:44:25.000 She was creative.

01:44:26.000 She made things for us.

01:44:28.000 She never got in trouble in school.

01:44:31.000 I just want to know what she did to be a victim. 0.58

01:44:39.000 And the other thing, too, about this rumor that it's fake is like, why would they make it a trans?

01:44:45.000 They'd make it a MAGA dude with a red hat who said white power.

01:44:50.000 I hate Mexicans. 1.00

01:44:52.000 They wouldn't make it a Mexican. 1.00

01:44:53.000 They'd make it me.

01:44:55.000 What's the next one?

01:44:57.000 Okay, the next one follows.

01:44:59.000 I don't know about the crisis actor thing.

01:45:01.000 It looks like the same link.

01:45:03.000 Oh, same link.

01:45:04.000 Yeah, it is the same link.

01:45:05.000 I don't know about that.

01:45:06.000 I haven't.

01:45:07.000 Hey! 0.99

01:45:08.000 Sorry to wake you up, Todd.

01:45:10.000 You said the same link twice.

01:45:12.000 I don't know.

01:45:13.000 What was that about?

01:45:15.000 Actually, let's do that.

01:45:16.000 Can we?

01:45:17.000 Yeah.

01:45:24.000 In the meantime, this.

01:45:25.000 God, this thing goes to sleep real fast. 0.89

01:45:29.000 Sign up for Netflix to watch the RG special.

01:45:31.000 Where's Ricky Gervais?

01:45:33.000 He's got a really...

01:45:34.000 He has really hit his stride.

01:45:35.000 The work purge was like a fine truffle sprinkles on the BTFO souffle.

01:45:40.000 Yeah, I've been hearing good things about this special.

01:45:42.000 Really?

01:45:42.000 The little piece I saw, it looked so clever.

01:45:46.000 Oh.

01:45:47.000 I kind of have a beef with clever.

01:45:50.000 I don't like clever.

01:45:52.000 You've got a problem taking something in a thing.

01:45:55.000 I'm being ironic.

01:45:57.000 Dude, you just put the dollar sign on the wrong fucking side.

01:46:01.000 Are you kidding me?

01:46:02.000 That's to make me mad, right?

01:46:03.000 Yeah.

01:46:04.000 They're trying to get me in trouble by saying Ryan Cat.

01:46:07.000 Okay.

01:46:08.000 Bastards.

01:46:10.000 What?

01:46:11.000 Gave us the wrong number?

01:46:14.000 I called the right number.

01:46:16.000 We should go to a gun range and film it.

01:46:18.000 Agreed.

01:46:19.000 That'd be so good.

01:46:21.000 That guy's already run his thing.

01:46:23.000 Yep.

01:46:23.000 All right.

01:46:28.000 Hello.

01:46:29.000 Hey, man.

01:46:30.000 You sent the same link twice.

01:46:33.000 You're on the air.

01:46:35.000 By the way.

01:46:35.000 Okay, who's calling?

01:46:37.000 It's Gavin from the mailbag, when you were worried about it being fake, huge fucking creeps.

01:46:44.000 The link there, you included your phone number, so I thought I would mention that.

01:46:48.000 Do you have the same link twice?

01:46:50.000 Did you go like Control-V, Apple V, Apple V?

01:46:54.000 Command-V?

01:46:55.000 Yeah.

01:46:56.000 I don't know.

01:46:56.000 That was a redundant.

01:46:58.000 Yeah.

01:46:58.000 Oh, yeah.

01:47:01.000 Do you have Parkinson's?

01:47:02.000 Do you have shaky fingers?

01:47:03.000 And when you paste it, it sort of comes out twice?

01:47:05.000 Because everything else is typed fine.

01:47:07.000 And I was not expecting a call from you.

01:47:10.000 That's really random.

01:47:12.000 Big fan, dude.

01:47:17.000 Great.

01:47:17.000 I just gave that asshole my number.

01:47:18.000 That was smart.

01:47:19.000 Oh, yeah.

01:47:20.000 Yeah, don't hang up on him.

01:47:21.000 Treat him.

01:47:22.000 Hey, buddy.

01:47:23.000 Sorry, I lost you there.

01:47:25.000 I can't tell you how many times I always ignore calls I don't recognize, but they'll be like, we're coming by to fix your front window.

01:47:34.000 We'll call you in a minute.

01:47:35.000 So I'm like, okay, I have my phone on, and then I get a call.

01:47:37.000 Yeah.

01:47:38.000 I'm like, oh, here we go.

01:47:39.000 Here we go.

01:47:39.000 Yeah, hello.

01:47:40.000 Hello, Kevin Termerganes.

01:47:42.000 Kevin?

01:47:43.000 Oh.

01:47:43.000 And I'm like, yeah, is this about the front window?

01:47:46.000 Oh, man, big fan.

01:47:48.000 I didn't know this number worked.

01:47:51.000 Hey, man, I don't want to bother you.

01:47:53.000 Oh, fuck.

01:47:56.000 What do you want to do?

01:47:57.000 Talk?

01:47:57.000 Patrick?

01:47:58.000 Patrick does.

01:47:59.000 We have open calls every Thursday if you want to chat.

01:48:02.000 What do you want to talk about?

01:48:04.000 Oh, yeah.

01:48:05.000 231, you're on the line.

01:48:06.000 He's been on hold for 11 minutes.

01:48:08.000 But one hour, actually.

01:48:11.000 What?

01:48:11.000 11 minutes or one hour?

01:48:13.000 One hour, but I've had him, I clicked on his thing 12 minutes ago.

01:48:17.000 We haven't got him.

01:48:17.000 Okay.

01:48:18.000 What's up, dude?

01:48:20.000 Why are you gay? 0.99

01:48:21.000 Why are you gay? 0.99

01:48:25.000 Hey, Gavin.

01:48:26.000 I just wanted to let you know about how the foster care system works.

01:48:29.000 Okay.

01:48:30.000 So my wife and I are foster parents.

01:48:34.000 You know, the classic young Catholic, happiest people in the world, except we couldn't have kids.

01:48:40.000 And so last year we decided to be foster parents.

01:48:43.000 And in September, on a Thursday night, we're like listening to your live show, half in the bag, and we get a call that a sibling group of three kids needs a place to stay.

01:48:54.000 And you know what we fucking said?

01:48:57.000 We said, sure.

01:48:58.000 So these three kids show up on our front door at 10.45 p.m. on a Thursday night, and we've had them ever since.

01:49:05.000 Whoa.

01:49:06.000 Now, how long do you get them for?

01:49:09.000 Okay, so it totally depends on the mother. 0.94

01:49:13.000 And this lady is fat, ugly, a total slut, three different dads for all three kids. 1.00

01:49:19.000 And she's had eight months to get her shit together.

01:49:23.000 She's got no job, hasn't worked a day in that eight months, hasn't provided for her children at all, has no card, no house, no job. 1.00

01:49:29.000 But wouldn't she be on welfare?

01:49:33.000 It doesn't matter.

01:49:34.000 She needs a place for these kids to stay. 1.00

01:49:36.000 She's living from trailer to trailer, camper to camper.

01:49:39.000 It's fucking ridiculous.

01:49:41.000 Is she white? 0.99

01:49:43.000 Yeah, unfortunately she is.

01:49:48.000 Well, see, how much money do you get?

01:49:53.000 About $500 a month per kid.

01:49:54.000 So it's like $1,500, which is nothing.

01:49:58.000 Yeah, you end up spending it on the kids.

01:50:00.000 Because I know.

01:50:01.000 Yeah, way more than that.

01:50:02.000 And Gavin, here's the thing.

01:50:03.000 Gavin, here's the thing.

01:50:05.000 White privilege, this is the myth of white privilege because these kids, they're 2, 5, and 10.

01:50:12.000 Okay, white privilege is total bullshit.

01:50:15.000 These kids are white. 0.52

01:50:16.000 They have no privilege.

01:50:17.000 They all have different dads.

01:50:19.000 Their mom's a total slut. 1.00

01:50:20.000 She's been on Mets.

01:50:21.000 She's been on heroin. 0.99

01:50:22.000 She's been on marijuana. 0.99

01:50:24.000 And she's a drunk. 1.00

01:50:26.000 They have no privilege, but the left is going to look at these kids like they have white privilege, and it's totally fucked.

01:50:32.000 So what about you take these kids?

01:50:34.000 What if it's two years, and then she gets her shit together and takes away your children that you've learned to love? 1.00

01:50:42.000 Yeah, it's going to happen.

01:50:44.000 It's going to fucking suck.

01:50:46.000 Do you ever hear the story of Lexi Page?

01:50:50.000 No, it's the worst story ever.

01:50:53.000 Look it up.

01:50:54.000 She's this girl.

01:50:56.000 She gets to the foster parents.

01:50:57.000 She has a black eye. 0.90

01:51:00.000 They raise her.

01:51:01.000 They love her as their own for like four years.

01:51:04.000 So it's like two to six.

01:51:06.000 Then I feel nauseous just explaining this story, but I have to say it.

01:51:10.000 There's some bullshit fucking law about reuniting Native Americans with their people.

01:51:16.000 Yes, that's a huge part of this.

01:51:18.000 The agency finds a family that's like 1% Indian.

01:51:23.000 And the white people she was with are 0%.

01:51:27.000 So they go, well, this is good news.

01:51:29.000 We can go up a percent.

01:51:30.000 So they tear Lexi from this family and put her in the 1% more Indian family. 1.00

01:51:38.000 And I worked my ass off.

01:51:39.000 I met their lawyer.

01:51:40.000 We had her on my old show.

01:51:43.000 And the worst part was the Indians that I spoke to who could have said, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 1.00

01:51:49.000 This isn't what we have this law for.

01:51:51.000 This is for Indians separated from their families. 1.00

01:51:53.000 We didn't want this.

01:51:54.000 You're shattering a family for 1%. 0.99

01:51:57.000 That's not what we signed up for.

01:51:58.000 But the Indians didn't get behind it because, like a lot of black people, they sort of felt like, yeah, fuck you. 1.00

01:52:07.000 Yeah, it sucks, doesn't it?

01:52:08.000 Try a little bit of what we went through, motherfucker.

01:52:12.000 And it's like, great.

01:52:13.000 You got revenge on a six-year-old.

01:52:15.000 Two quick things, okay?

01:52:16.000 This is not the first time these kids have been in foster care.

01:52:20.000 Five years ago, the 10-year-old and the five-year-old were in care for a year and a half, and they're back in, and the mom's going to get their kids back again.

01:52:27.000 Can you adopt them?

01:52:28.000 Why don't you adopt them?

01:52:31.000 We want to, but it's not up to us because the system is all designed to get them back to their birth mom.

01:52:40.000 Wow.

01:52:41.000 Do you have other kids?

01:52:44.000 No.

01:52:44.000 So we got married, you know, 24 years old, three years, because you fucking asshole told me to marry my girlfriend, so I did.

01:52:53.000 And then, you know, to have a bunch of kids to be happy.

01:52:56.000 Well, that really fucking worked out.

01:52:59.000 We couldn't have kids.

01:53:00.000 Yeah, thanks a lot.

01:53:03.000 So, but no, we can't have kids.

01:53:05.000 But we wanted kids, so we decided to do this foster care thing.

01:53:08.000 And adoption is expensive and lame and annoying.

01:53:11.000 So we tried to do foster care, but that's way worse.

01:53:15.000 But okay, the second thing, though, Gavin, is that these kids have an attorney.

01:53:19.000 The mom has an attorney.

01:53:20.000 Everyone's got, there's like four or five attorneys involved.

01:53:22.000 There's a judge.

01:53:23.000 No one gives a fuck about the kids.

01:53:26.000 That's the worst part.

01:53:27.000 What do you mean?

01:53:30.000 I mean, you go to court and these people, you know, for months we were waiting for like an answer.

01:53:35.000 Like, are they going back to mom?

01:53:36.000 Whatever.

01:53:36.000 You know what they say every time?

01:53:38.000 We're going to adjourn this.

01:53:39.000 We're going to push it out four weeks.

01:53:40.000 We're going to push out six weeks.

01:53:41.000 We're going to push out two months because it's just their fucking J-O-B. 0.89

01:53:46.000 It's their job.

01:53:47.000 They don't give a shit about the kids.

01:53:49.000 And time is money to them.

01:53:51.000 They don't give a shit how long the kids stay here.

01:53:53.000 You know, it's all just push it back, get more money.

01:53:56.000 It's totally fucked.

01:53:59.000 Well, you know, I read Robin Quiver's autobiography, and her parents were big on foster care, but they didn't give a fuck about the kids.

01:54:08.000 So Robin, as a 12-year-old girl, she's getting these babies in her house, and she has these maternal instincts, and she's loving these babies like they're her own, because she's the only one paying attention to them.

01:54:20.000 And then they get taken away a couple weeks or a couple years later, and it's ripping her chest out every single time.

01:54:27.000 She gets this temporary baby brother and baby sister, and then they're gone.

01:54:31.000 She doesn't have kids to this day.

01:54:32.000 I think it permanently damaged her.

01:54:34.000 It must be so gut-wrenching to get an adorable little two-year-old with a black eye, save her, build her, help shape her life, and then I'll take that.

01:54:47.000 Yep.

01:54:48.000 And that's what's going to happen to us.

01:54:49.000 We're a ticking time bomb.

01:54:51.000 You know, this is what's going to happen.

01:54:52.000 This two-year-old boy that we've just fallen in love with, the cutest little motherfucker you'll ever see, he's just going to be gone one day, and he'll just forget about us forever.

01:55:00.000 Oh, my God.

01:55:01.000 That's so, it's like if you did that to an animal, it would rip your face off.

01:55:08.000 And the left would say we could never treat an animal like this.

01:55:13.000 But when it comes to the kids, fuck them.

01:55:15.000 Yeah, that's how you should keep these kids. 0.98

01:55:17.000 But dress them up in dog costumes.

01:55:20.000 Go to Amazon, Halloween, find three dog costumes, and no one will fuck with you ever again.

01:55:28.000 Hey, first time listener, long-time caller.

01:55:30.000 I really appreciate your time.

01:55:31.000 All right, well, keep us posted, dude.

01:55:32.000 Hey, Ryan, fuck you.

01:55:34.000 Keep us posted.

01:55:35.000 Let us know what happens.

01:55:37.000 Yeah, I'll keep you guys posted.

01:55:39.000 I'll give you a call.

01:55:39.000 But hey, Ryan, next time, don't keep me on hold for 73 fucking minutes, you anal wipe.

01:55:44.000 Well, excuse me.

01:55:46.000 It's first come, first serve.

01:55:48.000 And frankly, what's your name again?

01:55:50.000 I forget your name.

01:55:51.000 But I've heard in the streets, you've got no clout.

01:55:55.000 Homies don't recognize your name. 0.95

01:55:57.000 You're not really a bad person.

01:55:57.000 What's with your eyes, dude?

01:55:59.000 I have early syndrome.

01:56:03.000 Early syndrome?

01:56:04.000 Early syndrome.

01:56:05.000 You got to get out of here.

01:56:06.000 What's early syndrome?

01:56:07.000 It's a syndrome that's syndrome.

01:56:10.000 It's like the opposite of late.

01:56:11.000 What is early and what is syndrome?

01:56:13.000 Syndrome.

01:56:14.000 What do you call it?

01:56:15.000 Syndrome?

01:56:16.000 Syndrome.

01:56:16.000 What do you want to call it?

01:56:17.000 Proud boys?

01:56:18.000 Yeah, down syndrome.

01:56:19.000 Proud boys?

01:56:20.000 Poor boys.

01:56:22.000 But frankly, I heard that you're a loser.

01:56:26.000 So don't talk to my boy Ryan like that, okay?

01:56:30.000 Any last words?

01:56:32.000 He's gone.

01:56:33.000 Yeah, all.

01:56:33.000 Oh, he's still there.

01:56:34.000 Ryan, Ryan, Ryan, your shit's all retarded, dude. 1.00

01:56:40.000 Okay?

01:56:40.000 Will you talk like a fag so we make a great couple, okay?

01:56:43.000 See you in idiocracy.

01:56:45.000 Great movie, frankly.

01:56:47.000 Thanks for calling.

01:56:48.000 Thanks.

01:56:49.000 So that's it, folks.

01:56:50.000 Yeah.

01:56:51.000 Come on.

01:56:51.000 That's our show.

01:56:52.000 You want more than this?

01:56:53.000 Jesus.

01:56:54.000 I mean, that's a lot of show.

01:56:55.000 We're giving you a lot of show these days.

01:56:58.000 You don't deserve it.

01:56:59.000 You know, when I was a kid, I didn't know what my dad did.

01:57:02.000 If I died tomorrow, my kids couldn't possibly get through all the sh articles I wrote on Tacky Mag, all the vice.

01:57:11.000 I have all the vice magazines like leatherbound in my library.

01:57:16.000 They'll never get through those.

01:57:18.000 And then these shows, it's like millions and millions of hours.

01:57:23.000 And they're probably not even going to be curious enough to check out any of it.

01:57:26.000 I sometimes fantasize them about being 40 and being like, I was watching dad's old shows.

01:57:31.000 You know, he used to call you peanut heads. 0.52

01:57:34.000 Wow.

01:57:34.000 And then my son will be like, yeah, I know.

01:57:36.000 Anyway, I got to go by.

01:57:38.000 But like when I was a kid, Jimmy Kimmel talked about this.

01:57:41.000 He goes, none of us knew what our dads did.

01:57:44.000 I saw a business card of my dad's and it said fire control at CDC Computing Devices Canada.

01:57:50.000 And I thought, oh, he's like a fireman.

01:57:52.000 And not even giving a shit.

01:57:54.000 But it meant fire like from a cannon.

01:57:57.000 Like he was, his job was to build military contracts, mostly for Americans.

01:58:03.000 And he was in charge of like, I don't know, things that shoot.

01:58:06.000 Maybe a different card next week.

01:58:08.000 He make weapons for bad guys in like comic book movies?

01:58:13.000 This is called the Batman Exterminator with Fire.

01:58:17.000 He was an integral part of the XM1 tank, by the way.

01:58:20.000 Great tank.

01:58:21.000 Great tank.

01:58:22.000 We love, frankly, there's a lot of tanks.

01:58:24.000 World's fastest tank, Frank.

01:58:26.000 Vroom, Vroom.

01:58:27.000 Vroom, Vroom.

01:58:28.000 An excellent mile.

01:58:30.000 Great tank.

01:58:31.000 Terrible on gas, but what are you going to do?

01:58:37.000 All right, folks, that's it.

01:58:39.000 Get fired.

01:58:40.000 Get in trouble.

01:58:41.000 Be brave.

01:58:42.000 Und never stop fighting.

01:58:46.000 Fuck these goddamn things in my head and fuck that guy at the gym that won't start looking at me when I kiss.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - May 27, 2022

GOML LIVE #150 - FOSTER PARENTS

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript