Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - GOML LIVE #151 - THE ROLLING STONES VS. TIM ARMSTRONG

00:00:13.000 Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McGuinness.

00:00:20.000 I could probably change, I warn you then.

00:00:24.000 That baby, I don't seem insane, but I fucking am.

00:00:28.000 And I'm rocking a little gold chain that ain't real gold.

00:00:32.000 I told you, it is fucking fake.

00:00:34.000 Yeah, spend my money elsewhere.

00:00:43.000 Different things that come a little plastic.

00:00:49.000 Hello, folks, and welcome back to Get Off My Lawn Live every Thursday night.

00:00:54.000 I'd like to welcome our co-host, Maddie O'Dell.

00:00:58.000 What's going on, everybody?

00:00:59.000 Good to be back.

00:01:00.000 Thank you, I think.

00:01:02.000 As the intern with too much responsibility, Ryan Katsoup Rivera.

00:01:09.000 Step into a Slim Jam.

00:01:12.000 Oh, wait, were you trying to Vin Diesel us?

00:01:15.000 Maybe.

00:01:15.000 What was that?

00:01:16.000 Did you see the Asian Vin Diesel?

00:01:18.000 The Asian Vin Diesel?

00:01:20.000 Somebody sent me on Twitter.

00:01:21.000 It was very insulting.

00:01:22.000 Isn't that Vin Diesel?

00:01:24.000 He's every race in the world.

00:01:25.000 He's like Fred Armison.

00:01:26.000 Picture Vin Diesel.

00:01:27.000 32 races.

00:01:29.000 That's Vin Dasian.

00:01:30.000 Vendesian.

00:01:32.000 It's a very difficult Vindasian.

00:01:34.000 You know, our ad guy is telling me to read this new thing, G Sauce.

00:01:38.000 I don't know.

00:01:40.000 I'm sick of him.

00:01:42.000 Takes forever to get paid.

00:01:44.000 Fuck him.

00:01:44.000 I'm not reading his shit today.

00:01:46.000 I'm going to read the people that contact us directly that we work with.

00:01:50.000 I think your days are numbered here, old Vince.

00:01:52.000 You're a retard.

00:01:54.000 Fop Metals.

00:01:56.000 Today's episode is brought to you by Fop Metals.

00:01:58.000 It's counterintuitive, how it's spelled.

00:02:01.000 P-H-A-U-P.

00:02:03.000 The economy is in the tank.

00:02:05.000 We are at the brink of a civil war.

00:02:08.000 If shit does hit the fan, you're not going to want the government to be in control of your finances.

00:02:15.000 You're going to want to have something tangible in your hand.

00:02:19.000 Just like you should have some extra water in the basement for a water shortage.

00:02:24.000 You should have a generator for an electrical shortage.

00:02:27.000 You should have precious metals for a money shortage.

00:02:33.000 So if you go to FOP, P-H-A-U-Pmetals.com, put in the promo code Gavin, you get 15% off.

00:02:42.000 What's that?

00:02:42.000 Free shippings on orders over $150?

00:02:45.000 Get like $150.

00:02:48.000 I don't know.

00:02:48.000 Get $200.

00:02:50.000 Just have it around.

00:02:51.000 It's good to have.

00:02:53.000 I have £5.

00:02:54.000 And we're not...

00:02:56.000 You have £5?

00:02:57.000 Wear in your house.

00:02:59.000 Well, I can't say that.

00:03:00.000 Come and get it.

00:03:02.000 Wear roughly.

00:03:04.000 By the way, Maddie is obsessed with these old stop-motion cartoons, animation, and he is dressed tonight as the Heat Miser.

00:03:14.000 From Jack Frost, I think that was.

00:03:17.000 I'm Mr. White Christmas.

00:03:20.000 He's up there with the abominable snowman.

00:03:22.000 Yeah.

00:03:23.000 Those cartoons were so fucking good.

00:03:26.000 When I was looking at you when it was worse, 50% of my mind was going, who the fuck does he look like?

00:03:32.000 It's killing me.

00:03:33.000 So then I spent a good hour on the computer going through the people who made Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.

00:03:42.000 Brooke Baskin or something like that?

00:03:44.000 Carol Baskins.

00:03:46.000 Carol Baskins.

00:03:47.000 And that's how I got to the heat miser.

00:03:51.000 There he is.

00:03:52.000 Yeah.

00:03:52.000 There's Maddie O'Dell.

00:03:54.000 Yes, my nose was horrendous when I got back Friday night.

00:03:58.000 Saturday was worse.

00:04:01.000 But I've been putting all sorts of creams and ointments on it, so it's getting better.

00:04:05.000 It was bleeding.

00:04:06.000 Yeah.

00:04:07.000 I thought you said the abominable snowman, which would be like...

00:04:11.000 I've always had a lot of trouble with that word.

00:04:13.000 Abominable.

00:04:13.000 We're going to have a lot of snowflakes.

00:04:15.000 We're going to make people cold.

00:04:17.000 A lot of cold folks.

00:04:18.000 That's why he's so worried about global warming.

00:04:19.000 He doesn't want to melt.

00:04:20.000 Yeah.

00:04:21.000 Anyway, P-H-A-U-P, FopMetals.com.

00:04:24.000 Thank you for sponsoring the show.

00:04:26.000 I don't know if they're vets.

00:04:27.000 They might be our only non-vet owned.

00:04:28.000 Oh, there it is.

00:04:29.000 Veteran-owned.

00:04:30.000 This was not a plan, the veteran-owned thing.

00:04:33.000 It just happened.

00:04:34.000 I guess because vets don't care when Antifa emails them and says, you're supporting fascism.

00:04:41.000 And they go, no, I know what fascism is.

00:04:43.000 It shot at me.

00:04:45.000 So I'm not listening to you.

00:04:49.000 Although, in other news, our show on June 25th in Orlando, Maddie will be there.

00:04:55.000 Ryan will be there.

00:04:56.000 Jim Gold will be there.

00:04:58.000 Josh, Kumia, and I will be doing the stand-up comedy we always will be doing in the past, but, well, Josh can still do it, but Kumia and I are banned everywhere.

00:05:10.000 So I haven't done stand-up since the last time I did it.

00:05:13.000 Everyone went to jail.

00:05:16.000 You will not be going to jail, of course, this time.

00:05:19.000 But no, that's not the correct URL anymore, Ryan.

00:05:23.000 We went through this quite a bit, actually.

00:05:25.000 Did we not?

00:05:26.000 It's censored.tv slash.

00:05:29.000 So why would you put up the band?

00:05:31.000 You just put up a URL as I'm explaining why that URL doesn't work.

00:05:36.000 Correct.

00:05:37.000 That's a feat.

00:05:39.000 This guy's impressive.

00:05:41.000 So we have a problem with our AC, our HVAC.

00:05:44.000 The door was left open on the thing on the roof, and the insulation on the door started tearing apart and getting sucked into the fan and sucked into our whole system.

00:05:53.000 So occasionally a little bit of what looks like grover fur.

00:05:58.000 It looked like a grover was killed on the roof, and they'll fall down on the ground, other little fragments of the inside of the door because the fan is sucking at the door.

00:06:08.000 So Ryan comes up to my desk about a week ago, and we had a big fire way down the street, like a block away.

00:06:15.000 He doesn't want to touch one of these particles for some strange reason.

00:06:18.000 It's just insulation, fragments, debris, whatever.

00:06:21.000 So he's using tongs.

00:06:23.000 The tongs he's using are the little brown plastic things that are in a coffee lid.

00:06:29.000 I don't know what those are by the way.

00:06:30.000 the Duncan.

00:06:31.000 What are those?

00:06:32.000 Are those to prevent the water, the coffee splooshing out when you drive?

00:06:36.000 Okay.

00:06:37.000 So he has two of those, and he's holding this little thing.

00:06:41.000 And he goes, Check this out.

00:06:42.000 I go, First of all, why aren't you touching it?

00:06:44.000 It's gross.

00:06:45.000 Oh, it's so gross.

00:06:47.000 And he goes, I know what this is.

00:06:48.000 I finally figured it out.

00:06:50.000 Everyone calls me Detective Shitty.

00:06:51.000 Oh, yeah.

00:06:52.000 Who's laughing now?

00:06:54.000 It's debris from the fire.

00:06:56.000 Particles floated down the street and then went into our shit.

00:07:03.000 But here's my favorite part.

00:07:05.000 When the HVAC guy came and he went up there, we didn't go up there.

00:07:09.000 He showed us pictures and he explained everything.

00:07:11.000 And you could see the insulation ripped from the door in the fan.

00:07:14.000 You could see it all caught up in there.

00:07:16.000 Got a little video.

00:07:17.000 We got a video.

00:07:19.000 We have the system.

00:07:21.000 This is the amazing part.

00:07:22.000 And this is why Ryan's dumb.

00:07:24.000 Because he has a brick wall around his brain where he's never wrong.

00:07:30.000 So he never improves.

00:07:31.000 Like a good scientist goes off at a tangent thinking that's this.

00:07:36.000 And then once he realizes that's not that, he goes, oh shit, I'm wrong.

00:07:40.000 Now you'll notice with the left and who's a Nazi, they'll be like, proud boys are Nazis.

00:07:45.000 And you go, wait, there's black dudes and there's Proud Boys Israel and there's gays.

00:07:48.000 And they go, huh, you can be a Nazi Jew.

00:07:53.000 I didn't realize that.

00:07:55.000 Or you could be a Nazi, like white guys who own slaves, they would fuck their slaves.

00:07:59.000 So you can be a racist with a black wife, like Thomas Jefferson or something.

00:08:05.000 In other words, they don't veer off their course.

00:08:07.000 They stick with the thing even as the evidence hits them.

00:08:10.000 Ryan's the same way.

00:08:11.000 You know what he said like an hour ago?

00:08:13.000 I go, well, it looks like your terrible theory about fire debris didn't pan out.

00:08:17.000 And he goes, no, I still think it's true.

00:08:20.000 I haven't had a good belly laugh like that in many weeks.

00:08:23.000 They look burned.

00:08:26.000 The evidence is presented to him by a professional, and he sticks with theory A. He probably thinks Proud Boys are Nazis, too.

00:08:34.000 I haven't seen any evidence against it.

00:08:36.000 I haven't seen them Zig Heiling, but I haven't seen them not Zig Heiling.

00:08:40.000 Fantastic.

00:08:42.000 So that opening song was Viagra Boys, Punk Rock Loser.

00:08:45.000 What a fantastic band.

00:08:47.000 They just keep hitting it out of the park.

00:08:50.000 It's very rare a band is so consistent.

00:08:52.000 You know?

00:08:53.000 It's a real, it's another sprinkles from God where he just goes, I'm going to make this guy a hit machine.

00:09:00.000 And the Viagra Boys, every song is fucking perfect.

00:09:04.000 I was listening to Rancid in the car today, and I think he wrote a lot of Lars Erickson's songs.

00:09:10.000 And you think of him with Operation Ivy, and you're just like, the guy's a fucking hit machine.

00:09:14.000 He's like Billy Joel or Bruce Springsteen.

00:09:17.000 Well, I guess sort of the Stones, but he just keeps sprinkling all these hits.

00:09:23.000 Actually, you know what?

00:09:24.000 No, not the Stones.

00:09:25.000 The Stones have been around since before I was born, and they've got like 10 bangers.

00:09:33.000 Tim, what's his name from Rancid?

00:09:36.000 What's his name again?

00:09:37.000 The main guy?

00:09:39.000 He's Operation Ivy were the early 90s.

00:09:42.000 Joel Madden.

00:09:43.000 No, that's Joel Madden.

00:09:47.000 Tim Armstrong.

00:09:48.000 Tim Armstrong.

00:09:49.000 That Lars Fredrickson, did I say Lars Erickson?

00:09:52.000 Lars Fredrickson was like a few years ago.

00:09:55.000 So in 20 years, oh, actually, it's about the same number of years.

00:10:00.000 Some of the theories will be shit.

00:10:03.000 But the stones are way bigger.

00:10:05.000 So it goes to show.

00:10:07.000 Yes.

00:10:09.000 That Rancid, although they're not as big, they came out with just as many hits as the Rolling Stones, which everybody's creaming their damn jeans about.

00:10:17.000 Yeah, but we're not talking about that.

00:10:19.000 We're talking about the amount of time it takes to have a bunch of hits.

00:10:23.000 Yeah.

00:10:24.000 But I'm saying they had the same amount of time, same amount of hits, but yet they're not as big as the stones.

00:10:30.000 What the hell?

00:10:32.000 Okay, I'm not enjoying this conversation anymore.

00:10:34.000 The other night, I kept trying to remember the word, your own facility, your own power of autonomy.

00:10:42.000 And we must have got 100 emails saying the word you're looking for, Gavin, is agency.

00:10:47.000 You're saying we don't have their own agency.

00:10:50.000 Yes.

00:10:51.000 You're denying someone of their agency, meaning their ability to conduct themselves and be in control of their actions.

00:11:00.000 So thank you for that.

00:11:01.000 I'll never make that mistake again.

00:11:02.000 So there we go.

00:11:03.000 That's the correct URL.

00:11:05.000 Censored.tv slash Orlando.

00:11:09.000 And not to give too much away, but Donald Trump is going to be there.

00:11:13.000 That's true.

00:11:15.000 And Jordan Peterson.

00:11:17.000 Chin Diesel.

00:11:18.000 And Jesse Lee Peterson.

00:11:20.000 Via Ryan, by the way.

00:11:21.000 Oh, that's Chin Diesel.

00:11:23.000 I like him.

00:11:24.000 He got Vinn.

00:11:26.000 I riv my rife a quarter kilometer at a time.

00:11:30.000 I didn't even read that.

00:11:31.000 That's hilarious.

00:11:36.000 He got Chin.

00:11:37.000 It looks like Vince, I mean, yeah, Vinn and the guy that he kicked off the set, the director that quit.

00:11:41.000 Oh, yeah, they had a baby.

00:11:43.000 That's why they quit.

00:11:44.000 Yeah.

00:11:44.000 Irreconcilable diffs.

00:11:49.000 So as you know, the way this show goes, it's free to everyone in the world, thanks to the sponsors.

00:11:54.000 We go behind a paywall around half an hour in.

00:11:57.000 We read letters, which I have some bad news about.

00:12:02.000 And we take calls.

00:12:04.000 Then we have the super chat up here in the corner.

00:12:06.000 The super chat goes to Max and John.

00:12:09.000 Those are the guys who went to jail the last time I did stand-up comedy.

00:12:13.000 And obviously, I'm talking about the talk at the Metropolitan Club in New York where Antifa ambushed them, and they beat the shit out of Antifa, which is Verboten.

00:12:22.000 That's the DNC's paramilitary wing.

00:12:25.000 So they were sent away for four years.

00:12:27.000 They're on their last year now, and I'd like them to have some cash when they get out.

00:12:32.000 John Kinsman, who incidentally has a black wife, lost his welding inspector's license.

00:12:39.000 It expired in there.

00:12:41.000 So they're going to need some time.

00:12:43.000 I think Max, who works on the railroads, has retained his job and they'll take him back.

00:12:48.000 That's one good thing about diversity.

00:12:50.000 They're used to having a lot of black guys there and they're used to criminal records and people going away for a while.

00:12:56.000 Also, speaking of going away, great news.

00:12:59.000 The left is being punished.

00:13:01.000 Michael Avenati got four years for robbing Stormy Daniels, which is exactly what Tucker said on the show.

00:13:09.000 He said, Why are you ripping off this poor woman?

00:13:12.000 She's not rich.

00:13:13.000 She's going to these small strip clubs in butt fuck Idaho, and having people sign her tits.

00:13:20.000 Wait, that doesn't make sense.

00:13:22.000 I want to go sign a celebrity's tits.

00:13:24.000 If I meet Billie Eilish, I'm going to say that.

00:13:26.000 Can I sign your tits with your name?

00:13:30.000 No, she's doing those autograph signings and fucking pathetic strip dancing.

00:13:35.000 Oh my God, what's the matter with my brain?

00:13:37.000 I took this pre-workout this morning, and I've had the most erratic day.

00:13:40.000 I've been to the studio three times today.

00:13:43.000 Went to the gym, went back to the gym, was bringing my daughter to the gym, canceled it, went back and forth, rode my motorcycle, my car, and I forgot my fucking computer.

00:13:52.000 So the mail will be read by Down syndrome Rivera.

00:13:58.000 Did you take gorilla mode?

00:14:00.000 Yes.

00:14:01.000 I don't know if I want it anymore.

00:14:04.000 And I worked out so hard I puked.

00:14:06.000 Have you ever tried a pre-workout with Beta Alanine in it?

00:14:10.000 Well, I worked out with you, so I've tried it with Beta Rivera.

00:14:15.000 Buddy!

00:14:19.000 Are those fake eyelashes peeking out under your hat?

00:14:24.000 Did you rob a black girl on the way here?

00:14:29.000 Those things are getting so fucking absurd.

00:14:31.000 I've had enough of those fake eyelashes.

00:14:34.000 It looks like pome fronds.

00:14:36.000 It used to be a ghetto thing.

00:14:38.000 Now it's upper middle class, Texan women, white women.

00:14:42.000 Everyone is wearing them like they don't look like a clown dressed as a woman for Halloween.

00:14:48.000 You look ridiculous.

00:14:52.000 You look fucking retarded.

00:14:55.000 Those don't look like eyelashes.

00:14:58.000 Stop.

00:14:59.000 They're not even put on well.

00:15:02.000 Put on.

00:15:03.000 You can see the glue.

00:15:05.000 It's just pathetic.

00:15:06.000 Fake eyelashes are for girls who have no eyelashes to try to look like they have some eyelashes.

00:15:11.000 It's not for girls who have normal, pretty eyelashes to add these fucking weird parakeet hands lifting up to God, praying on the top of your fucking eyes.

00:15:23.000 You look like Ryan Catsu Rivera's bangs.

00:15:26.000 Thank you.

00:15:30.000 It's true.

00:15:32.000 It's true.

00:15:33.000 That's true.

00:15:36.000 Oh, shit.

00:15:36.000 You know what's just happened?

00:15:39.000 What is a Woman has launched right now?

00:15:42.000 I heard.

00:15:43.000 Matt Walsh's documentary.

00:15:44.000 They tried to shut it down, Eric.

00:15:45.000 Oh, fuck.

00:15:47.000 He's a survivor.

00:15:49.000 We rebounded from our ticket sales.

00:15:50.000 Wait, I'm all over the place here.

00:15:51.000 So did I finish the ticket sales thing?

00:15:53.000 Orlando Weekly was handling the ticket sales.

00:15:55.000 They do that for most venues.

00:15:57.000 They've got a great infrastructure where you go to their site, you buy the tickets, they send the money to the venue.

00:16:02.000 They take a massive percentage.

00:16:04.000 And they got harassed by a couple of male comedians.

00:16:11.000 I think I know who it was, but I don't want to give them the pleasure of talking about them.

00:16:17.000 But these failed comedians who are clearly on the spectrum and they get revenge on comedy for rejecting them by making it reject other people.

00:16:25.000 And Orlando Weekly chickened out.

00:16:28.000 So that's why we're doing it through Eventbrite.

00:16:31.000 They will likely chicken out too.

00:16:34.000 And we have playing BCD all the way to the end of the alphabet.

00:16:37.000 It's the way you have to do things.

00:16:39.000 And I assume Daily Wire and Matt Walsh are the same.

00:16:43.000 But they're not that controversial.

00:16:44.000 The thing about Daily Wire and Matt Walsh is they get complaints from far-left lunatics.

00:16:53.000 We get complaints from everyone.

00:16:56.000 So it's a much wider swath of the offended.

00:16:59.000 Like, who does Ben Shapiro offend?

00:17:03.000 Palestinians?

00:17:04.000 That's about it.

00:17:06.000 But anyway, can we pull it up?

00:17:08.000 Can we look at it?

00:17:09.000 Yes.

00:17:09.000 Luckily, my wife is signed up.

00:17:13.000 And I'm going to pull it up.

00:17:14.000 Whoa, the Rad Zone.

00:17:18.000 Look at that.

00:17:18.000 Palm trees, bro.

00:17:19.000 Look at all that shit I bought you.

00:17:22.000 Thank you.

00:17:23.000 Trees.

00:17:23.000 Not pine trees.

00:17:25.000 Palm fronds.

00:17:27.000 Eyelash trees.

00:17:29.000 See here.

00:17:30.000 So let's introduce it first.

00:17:32.000 So one, two introduces it.

00:17:34.000 This is obviously Matt Walsh with his woman wife and his.

00:17:38.000 His woman wife, yes.

00:17:39.000 As opposed to...

00:17:40.000 No sound?

00:17:42.000 New documentary shows pediatricians saying pre-pubescent kids are ready for transhormone therapy whenever they ask for it and claiming you can pause hormones like music with the same drugs used to chemically castrate pedophiles.

00:17:56.000 Now, I'm kind of way too trusting sometimes.

00:17:59.000 And when they said it's reversible, I thought, huh, maybe all the shit I read is just wrong.

00:18:06.000 It's not reversible.

00:18:08.000 You're permanently infertile as a woman if you block your puberty.

00:18:12.000 And that's pretty obvious.

00:18:15.000 Like, this is what we use to chemically castrate pedophiles.

00:18:18.000 Puberty, obviously, is a massive tsunami.

00:18:23.000 Remember?

00:18:24.000 Remember when you were going through it and getting dumped was like having your legs ripped off and falling in love with a girl was like doing heroin and cocaine in your fucking placenta and getting in a fight was the scariest thing in the world and then fighting was turning into a fucking Tasmanian devil?

00:18:44.000 I mean, wanting to kill someone, wanting to marry someone.

00:18:47.000 The emotions are overwhelming.

00:18:50.000 Fuck, it's intense.

00:18:52.000 And being good at it, if you will.

00:18:53.000 It's a Slayer song for five or six years.

00:18:56.000 Not to mention the insane horniness, praying to God to stop masturbating.

00:19:02.000 Please, please.

00:19:03.000 I'm so fucking horny.

00:19:05.000 I come really, really hard.

00:19:08.000 Remember unwanted boners on the bus and in class?

00:19:12.000 Looking down, just go away.

00:19:14.000 You're constantly hiding your fucking boners.

00:19:18.000 And I'm not even getting the full scope of it.

00:19:21.000 Waking up in the middle of the night with the sheets soaking wet and a freight train running through the holy head.

00:19:29.000 God, I got Biden mouth tonight.

00:19:31.000 Holy trick.

00:19:32.000 It's hilarious.

00:19:33.000 You can't yell at your child.

00:19:35.000 You can't discipline him.

00:19:36.000 You can't smack him on the ass.

00:19:38.000 You can't do any of that.

00:19:39.000 But you can fucking chemically castrate them.

00:19:41.000 You can stop a chemical tsunami happening to him.

00:19:45.000 It's Chinese footbinding, is what it is.

00:19:47.000 And we saw what the Chinese, we saw these old ladies, they're still alive.

00:19:51.000 These 90-year-old Chinese ladies.

00:19:53.000 And their feet are a closed fist from Chinese footbinding.

00:19:57.000 Can eight-year-olds vote?

00:19:59.000 I do not.

00:20:00.000 No, they may not.

00:20:01.000 Can they drive?

00:20:02.000 They may not.

00:20:03.000 But they're going to decide what gender they're going to be in.

00:20:06.000 They can't get tattoos, but they can.

00:20:07.000 They're all pants, but it sounds like some fucking commie, gobbledy gook.

00:20:13.000 It's...

00:20:14.000 It's...

00:20:14.000 The parents and doctors all should be sent to fucking prison that do that to these people.

00:20:18.000 The footbinding is just your feet.

00:20:20.000 It's incredibly painful, but it's just your feet.

00:20:22.000 This is your entire body, your entire essence.

00:20:24.000 And we're blocking it.

00:20:25.000 We have no idea what the long-term effects are.

00:20:28.000 This is all brand new.

00:20:29.000 Anyway, this pediatrician that's on the show, she shuts down the interview.

00:20:32.000 Everyone seems to shut down the interviews on this because he says horrible things like what is a woman and what is truth.

00:20:38.000 She dresses like Gandhi.

00:20:40.000 And yeah, she is in complete denial about the dangers of this fucking drug and says, you could just pause it.

00:20:49.000 But I hate the way she dresses like Gandhi.

00:20:53.000 What is that?

00:20:54.000 Is it 180 degrees in that room?

00:20:57.000 Medication.

00:20:59.000 Are you in Lahore, Pakistan?

00:21:01.000 Are you an extra in tatooine on Star Wars?

00:21:04.000 That could be a kiddo who is just starting puberty.

00:21:08.000 And why didn't I laugh?

00:21:09.000 Did I take laugh blockers?

00:21:10.000 No, it was just true.

00:21:12.000 It's so funny.

00:21:13.000 Getting bigger and busier, and they're worried about all kinds of masculine changes.

00:21:17.000 So your penis is getting busier?

00:21:18.000 Your penis is getting busier.

00:21:20.000 I can't fuck you.

00:21:20.000 I'm sorry.

00:21:21.000 Hey, Dick, hurry up.

00:21:22.000 I got to piss.

00:21:22.000 Sorry, man.

00:21:24.000 I can piss at 3.30 on Friday.

00:21:28.000 What?

00:21:29.000 I got to piss now.

00:21:30.000 Let's do it.

00:21:31.000 I'm answering emails.

00:21:33.000 Bluetooth headset on it?

00:21:35.000 I'm sorry.

00:21:35.000 What's that, honey?

00:21:36.000 Puberty water.

00:21:37.000 My dick is so big.

00:21:38.000 You know where I would get the Bluetooth headset for my dick?

00:21:41.000 Where?

00:21:41.000 From a normal Bluetooth headset store.

00:21:44.000 Nice.

00:21:48.000 You want to see all the accessories I would get for my dick if it was a person?

00:21:51.000 Go into a person store.

00:21:53.000 The iPhone Max?

00:21:55.000 A motorcycle helmet that would go on my dick is a motorcycle helmet.

00:21:59.000 Nice.

00:22:00.000 That would happen to go on my dick.

00:22:01.000 Yeah.

00:22:02.000 You want to see the kind of leather jacket I put on my penis?

00:22:04.000 Go to a store and buy a leather jacket.

00:22:06.000 Go to the big and tall section.

00:22:08.000 Get yourself a nice lead.

00:22:12.000 You don't want to get my underwear?

00:22:13.000 What?

00:22:14.000 Cole's.

00:22:15.000 The tent store.

00:22:17.000 The tent, so you wear tent.

00:22:20.000 My God, that's a big penis.

00:22:22.000 Always take it one joke too far.

00:22:23.000 I need to circumcise my jokes.

00:22:25.000 Yeah.

00:22:27.000 You have the key empilitis where they send every bit into like outer space.

00:22:31.000 Oh, that's a different problem.

00:22:33.000 I'm talking about too many examples.

00:22:35.000 I give example exhaustion.

00:22:36.000 They overexaggerate.

00:22:38.000 That's true.

00:22:39.000 Which is an annoying word I can't believe I just used.

00:22:40.000 So let's see more of her.

00:22:42.000 And don't have permanent effects are wonderful because we can put that pause on puberty.

00:22:49.000 Just like if you were listening to music, you put the pause on.

00:22:52.000 Sounds good.

00:22:52.000 It would stop the blockers and puberty would go right back to where it was.

00:22:57.000 The next note in the song just delayed that period of time.

00:23:01.000 You can just pause puberty.

00:23:03.000 Can I start puberty up when I'm 40?

00:23:06.000 Right.

00:23:06.000 I'll have no pubes.

00:23:08.000 A high voice.

00:23:09.000 And then all of a sudden it's about.

00:23:11.000 I've never seen this before, all these crazy experiments on kids.

00:23:13.000 His name is Dr. Mengela.

00:23:17.000 Well, he was bad.

00:23:18.000 They're good.

00:23:19.000 Nazis are okay sometimes, according to the left.

00:23:21.000 We have the Azov Battalion.

00:23:22.000 They're fine.

00:23:23.000 Not good.

00:23:23.000 Can we make Azov Battalion shirts with the flag all over the place?

00:23:28.000 Yeah.

00:23:28.000 Ukrainian flag?

00:23:29.000 We're not banned enough.

00:23:30.000 Let's start dancing around swastikas.

00:23:35.000 No, you can't.

00:23:36.000 And then pick it up?

00:23:37.000 No, you can't.

00:23:38.000 No, you can't.

00:23:39.000 How many studies do they have, long-term studies, on hormone blockers with children?

00:23:44.000 None.

00:23:45.000 I just go to one, three.

00:23:51.000 More teasers.

00:23:52.000 It's kind of a dumb idea to say, let's check out this hour and a half long documentary for five minutes.

00:23:59.000 I think we'll cover it with the intros and we can all watch it on our own.

00:24:02.000 Oh, so here she is fucking up.

00:24:05.000 Oh, no, this isn't the one where she stopped the interview.

00:24:07.000 This is one where he says, is a chicken male or female?

00:24:11.000 No.

00:24:12.000 Your sperm don't make you male.

00:24:13.000 Then what does?

00:24:15.000 It's a constellation.

00:24:16.000 In reality.

00:24:18.000 In truth.

00:24:19.000 Okay.

00:24:20.000 Whose truth are we talking about?

00:24:22.000 The same truth that says we're sitting in this room right now, you and I. No, you're not listening.

00:24:26.000 If I see a chicken laying eggs and I say that's a female chicken laying eggs, did I assign female or am I just observing a physical reality that's happening in the world?

00:24:34.000 Does a chicken have gender identity?

00:24:36.000 Does a chicken cry?

00:24:37.000 Does a chicken commit suicide?

00:24:39.000 Let's frame it.

00:24:41.000 Because you're talking, you're trying to.

00:24:42.000 A chicken has sex like any biological organism.

00:24:46.000 I love that line.

00:24:46.000 That's why I only really like that.

00:24:48.000 Does a chicken cry?

00:24:50.000 Dude, that's a drop.

00:24:53.000 Does a chicken cry?

00:24:54.000 Does a chicken cry?

00:24:55.000 In fact, we should say that every time we get canceled or banned, like when Orlando Weekly chickens out, we go, does a chicken cry?

00:25:01.000 You should throw that into like a riveting speech.

00:25:03.000 You're just not listening.

00:25:05.000 When we get fired, when we get canceled by our family for who we like politically, think, does a chicken cry?

00:25:13.000 We have to get out of here.

00:25:13.000 I'm not Braveheart, you know.

00:25:17.000 I'm not Mike Tyson.

00:25:18.000 I'm no fancy warrior.

00:25:19.000 I'm just like you.

00:25:20.000 I get scared.

00:25:21.000 Does a chicken cry?

00:25:22.000 Yeah.

00:25:24.000 This chicken cries.

00:25:25.000 And then just skip right over it and then be like, do you remember the fucking chicken farm?

00:25:28.000 She said, does a chicken have identity?

00:25:30.000 Yeah.

00:25:31.000 The fucking rooster, the cock?

00:25:33.000 Yeah.

00:25:34.000 It's crystal clear who the males and the females are in the chicken world.

00:25:39.000 You're just not listening.

00:25:41.000 And I'm glad she brought that up because on farms, they'll bring in, like to a turkey farm, they'll bring a male turkey in just to sort of calm everyone.

00:25:52.000 He's not fucking anything.

00:25:53.000 They've already worked all that out.

00:25:54.000 Everyone here is dying.

00:25:56.000 They're for Thanksgiving.

00:25:57.000 But his presence there stops them From infighting and attacking each other, he creates an order.

00:26:03.000 Similarly, with cows, they'll bring a bull in.

00:26:06.000 He's not there to fuck anyone, but just his presence there seems to calm the herd.

00:26:10.000 Same thing with guppies in a fish tank.

00:26:12.000 Oh, I didn't know that.

00:26:13.000 Really?

00:26:14.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:26:16.000 Okay, so this is the last one we'll show.

00:26:18.000 And I guess, will we show the movie?

00:26:20.000 That'd be dumb.

00:26:21.000 I have a general identity.

00:26:23.000 Not that one.

00:26:23.000 1-4.

00:26:24.000 Fucking 1-4.

00:26:25.000 It's a thing.

00:26:26.000 I can't tell if it's male or female.

00:26:30.000 But Matt just keeps saying, what is truth?

00:26:35.000 And it's his N-word.

00:26:37.000 And when I say his N-word, I don't know what he's talking to.

00:26:41.000 What's up, my truth?

00:26:45.000 Is that a lesbian who took a bunch of testosterone, do you think?

00:26:48.000 This one?

00:26:49.000 Yeah.

00:26:50.000 I can't tell you.

00:26:50.000 Well, not Matt Walsh.

00:26:52.000 Is he trying to grow a scrumpy beard?

00:26:54.000 Probably.

00:26:55.000 They always have that wispy beard.

00:26:57.000 I can't tell if that's a super duper low T male or a super duper high T female.

00:27:02.000 So far, the body shape looks like a man.

00:27:05.000 Yeah.

00:27:05.000 You know, the frame.

00:27:06.000 Padded suit shoulders.

00:27:07.000 Yeah, the body language is a giveaway.

00:27:08.000 Like that fatty they showed before who said that they were lying about the pause.

00:27:13.000 Zero gender studies.

00:27:14.000 Yeah, that's a woman who took...

00:27:16.000 He sits all weird.

00:27:18.000 That was Chas Bono.

00:27:19.000 Like a fake macho stance.

00:27:23.000 Right, right.

00:27:26.000 I'm not even talking about social context.

00:27:28.000 I'm just trying to start by getting to the truth, you know?

00:27:31.000 Fuck you.

00:27:33.000 Yeah, I mean, I'm really uncomfortable with that language of getting to the truth.

00:27:37.000 Again, in social media, why is that uncomfortable?

00:27:40.000 Because it sounds actually deeply transphobic to me.

00:27:44.000 And if you keep probing, we're going to stop the interview.

00:27:48.000 If I probe about what the truth is?

00:27:49.000 You keep invoking the word truth, which is condescending and rude.

00:27:53.000 I'm saying to you.

00:27:54.000 How is the word truth condescending and rude?

00:27:58.000 Why don't you tell me what your truth is?

00:28:00.000 And you're walking on 30 seconds more of thin ice before I get up.

00:28:04.000 30 seconds more of thin ice.

00:28:05.000 That's a good name of his autobiography.

00:28:07.000 Autobiography.

00:28:08.000 30 seconds more of thin ice.

00:28:10.000 Here's my ultimatum.

00:28:11.000 That is awesome.

00:28:12.000 What is going on with my Nomencliner tonight?

00:28:15.000 New York, New York, New York.

00:28:18.000 Hello.

00:28:19.000 What are you doing?

00:28:21.000 30 seconds of thin ice.

00:28:24.000 30 seconds.

00:28:25.000 I will not be fucking up any other words for the rest of this show.

00:28:28.000 I'm not Joe Biden.

00:28:32.000 Do you want to click on it?

00:28:33.000 Shall we see anything what's going on?

00:28:35.000 Sure.

00:28:35.000 Did you have to pay for it?

00:28:36.000 You have to be on Daily Wire, right?

00:28:38.000 Yeah.

00:28:40.000 I'll have to get your wife's account password.

00:28:42.000 No, we're in.

00:28:43.000 Yeah, because I want to watch it later on my own.

00:28:46.000 I wonder if our hack bottom.

00:28:48.000 I'd like to come out here.

00:28:49.000 Did you know, Maddie, you can call the guy and he'll put movies on?

00:28:53.000 Really?

00:28:53.000 Yeah.

00:28:54.000 Nice.

00:28:54.000 There's no guarantees.

00:28:57.000 I got 2,000 mules.

00:28:58.000 I couldn't get a freak scene, the Dinosaur Jr. documentary.

00:29:02.000 Anyway, I'm ruining this movie.

00:29:03.000 What do you got there?

00:29:04.000 But what is truth?

00:29:06.000 Triggered.

00:29:07.000 Is there a truth?

00:29:08.000 Real men don't need vests.

00:29:09.000 Is this what progress looks like?

00:29:11.000 You're either cold enough for a jacket or you just wear a shirt.

00:29:15.000 Vests are effeminate because you need to be this perfect temperature.

00:29:19.000 Do I now have to pay for four weddings?

00:29:20.000 All the men in Westchester wear them.

00:29:24.000 You should write an article about that.

00:29:27.000 My takeaway from what is a woman.

00:29:29.000 Yeah, I should do a movie review of this and it's a thousand words on why wearing a vest is not manly.

00:29:35.000 That is the future of.

00:29:37.000 It's crazy, though, in Westchester.

00:29:38.000 They all look exactly the same.

00:29:41.000 It's a Patagonia vest with black tubing across it.

00:29:46.000 Then in the winter, they have that quarter zipper sweater with a tie underneath and then a blazer on top, which must be boiling as shit.

00:29:55.000 Frida Calvin.

00:30:08.000 Isn't it funny how they're all about dialogue and they keep stopping the interview and taking the lav off?

00:30:15.000 I'm definitely informed by like feminist family therapy and the ideas that we've lived in gendered worlds where there are certain imperatives that are placed on us about who we are and what we do based on how they speak their own language.

00:30:30.000 From the minute I was assigned female, I was told, okay, imagine you were at a bar and you said, how about this shooting in Novate?

00:30:40.000 Huh?

00:30:41.000 And she was like, well, I think it's important that we establish a dialogue about gun control.

00:30:45.000 You saw the shooting today.

00:30:46.000 The danger's there.

00:30:47.000 Tulsa, yeah.

00:30:48.000 Assigns.

00:30:49.000 Tulsa was yesterday.

00:30:50.000 So most times people, when they're born.

00:30:53.000 What was the shooting today, Betty?

00:30:55.000 It was either a hospital or...

00:30:57.000 A funeral.

00:30:57.000 There was a hospital shooting and then there was a funeral that got shut up, but they were both black guys.

00:31:01.000 So those stories are...

00:31:02.000 Basically, it's based on genitalia.

00:31:06.000 So people looking at genitalia and deciding, okay, this is a girl or a boy.

00:31:12.000 And we know now that sex and gender are so much more than just this binary.

00:31:17.000 Some women have penises, right?

00:31:18.000 Some men have vaginas.

00:31:20.000 Is it called a blowjob if you go down on a woman's penis or is that eating out a penis?

00:31:25.000 Is it cunilingus?

00:31:27.000 Yeah, well, we...

00:31:28.000 Can you give a woman a blowjob?

00:31:30.000 I don't even like a penalty.

00:31:31.000 I don't want to.

00:31:32.000 I don't want to be a woman.

00:31:33.000 I hope the answer is no.

00:31:36.000 What is a woman?

00:31:36.000 I don't have a penis, right?

00:31:37.000 That doesn't mean that this is like who I am as a person.

00:31:41.000 All right, let's stop all this shit.

00:31:45.000 I like to give the freeloaders a taste of Thursday night.

00:31:49.000 So before we kick them off the show and go behind the paywall, how have you been cutting it recently, Ryan?

00:31:58.000 As far as the free shit goes, do you do it strictly at the half hour mark or do you wait for my goodbye?

00:32:03.000 I wait for the goodbye.

00:32:04.000 Okay.

00:32:05.000 Because there was some controversy there earlier where you were claiming you would just cut it off.

00:32:10.000 Yeah, but we would talk about it.

00:32:12.000 Like, should we just cut him off?

00:32:12.000 And you'd be like, eh, I just cut him off at 30.

00:32:14.000 We would always say it.

00:32:16.000 But it's all available for free on censored.tv.

00:32:20.000 So instead of going to BitChute or anything like that, you can watch the free versions on censored.tv under free shit.

00:32:25.000 What's going on with Maddie's mic?

00:32:27.000 He just kicked it over.

00:32:28.000 Now he's getting a laugh.

00:32:29.000 He's angry.

00:32:29.000 He just whispered to me that you're pissing him off.

00:32:32.000 Maddie, why don't you try going behind the bar?

00:32:35.000 Oh, so how tall I am again?

00:32:37.000 I think it's a good look.

00:32:48.000 Can I get your orders, sir?

00:32:50.000 What do you have?

00:32:51.000 What do you have, fellas?

00:32:52.000 Hopefully not top shelf.

00:32:55.000 We have well.

00:32:57.000 We only have well vodka, well tequila.

00:33:05.000 Yeah, I forgot what I was talking about.

00:33:06.000 I jumped on that as if I'm the tallest guy in the world.

00:33:09.000 At the end of that, I see.

00:33:10.000 Who's taller, Maddie or Ryan?

00:33:12.000 I don't know.

00:33:13.000 I say I'm 5'7, but all my doctors and nurses laugh at me and go, no, you're like 5'6 and 3 quarters.

00:33:19.000 I do the same thing.

00:33:20.000 But nobody laughs at me because I just stay in.

00:33:23.000 I say I'm 5'10 and a half, and then my doctors start laughing, and I pull down my pants, and they see my cock, and they go, holy shit.

00:33:31.000 It's got a Bluetooth headset.

00:33:33.000 That is small.

00:33:34.000 And a beep.

00:33:36.000 We watched Get Off My Lawn Live.

00:33:37.000 We thought it was huge.

00:33:38.000 That's not what I heard on the show.

00:33:40.000 It hung like an elevator button.

00:33:42.000 Are you cold, Mr. McInnes?

00:33:44.000 Would you like a parka?

00:33:45.000 They start panicking.

00:33:46.000 Get this guy a warm bath of water.

00:33:48.000 He's freezing to death.

00:33:51.000 Shout out to Jed, by the way, who recognized me at my gym.

00:33:55.000 Yeah, that's not worth interrupting the show, Ryan.

00:33:58.000 That's actually embarrassing and annoying.

00:34:00.000 What the fuck?

00:34:01.000 What a fucking dumb thing to do.

00:34:05.000 Jason Momoa is Sam Hyde now.

00:34:07.000 Did anyone know that?

00:34:08.000 Yes.

00:34:09.000 You knew that?

00:34:10.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:34:11.000 That's exciting.

00:34:12.000 I like both those guys.

00:34:14.000 So the fact that they've merged the same way Vin Diesel did with his director, his nostrils have even flared out like Sam's.

00:34:25.000 Yeah, that is interesting.

00:34:27.000 And maybe there's something about...

00:34:30.000 By the way, there's way too much slack on those overhead lights.

00:34:34.000 Maybe there's something about the thickness of glasses that makes Sam's and Jason's eyes bug out a little bit more than normal.

00:34:40.000 Is that what's happening there?

00:34:43.000 I haven't seen Sam without glasses in many years.

00:34:45.000 Oh, really?

00:34:46.000 Anyway, let's take a couple calls and go through...

00:34:54.000 And make a little love.

00:34:59.000 So we're behind the paywall in...

00:35:01.000 No, no, no.

00:35:02.000 I want to take calls before we go behind the paywall.

00:35:04.000 Okay.

00:35:04.000 And we got...

00:35:05.000 I thought I made that clear.

00:35:06.000 What's it called?

00:35:07.000 Some super chats I could put up in the meantime.

00:35:09.000 But here's the number for voting.

00:35:11.000 Let's do the...

00:35:14.000 Thanks for calling.

00:35:15.000 718-400-6959.

00:35:19.000 Yet again.

00:35:20.000 1718-400-6959.

00:35:25.000 You are on the air.

00:35:28.000 This is a fucking loser.

00:35:30.000 You want me to learn, share, listen, understand why?

00:35:33.000 Hey, why does everyone get two things?

00:35:35.000 You have one thing.

00:35:36.000 Thank you for calling.

00:35:37.000 It's great hearing from you.

00:35:39.000 Bye-bye.

00:35:39.000 All right, next.

00:35:40.000 Bye-bye!

00:35:44.000 Tomorrow's going to be an incredible show.

00:35:47.000 I haven't done a GOML in a week, right?

00:35:50.000 So I got a week of shit.

00:35:52.000 Because every time I'm on my phone looking at stuff, which is way too often, I send it to myself and it goes into the various categories.

00:35:58.000 My pet Biden, Antifa, feminism, LGBT, racism.

00:36:04.000 And so we have like 68 links to get through it.

00:36:07.000 I thought, oh, I could parse them out and spread it out and bank shows.

00:36:10.000 And then I thought, nah, I want to do it all in one big super marathon.

00:36:14.000 And then you can parse through it on your own.

00:36:17.000 The calls are bugging out.

00:36:20.000 I haven't really gone on vacation for a decade because I've been getting my career built up.

00:36:24.000 What?

00:36:26.000 What kind of thing is that to say?

00:36:28.000 You couldn't find three days?

00:36:30.000 No, to the grindstone?

00:36:31.000 That's how millennials talk.

00:36:33.000 Finally, at a point where I can enjoy the fruits of my labor.

00:36:35.000 Got any suggestions on where to go?

00:36:36.000 Buddy Barrett, Costa Rica.

00:36:40.000 Check the weather.

00:36:42.000 I think you want to avoid rainy season there, but Costa Rica is fucking fun.

00:36:46.000 And you can do it on the cheap or you can spend tons of money.

00:36:50.000 Friend of mine just went to Belize and said it was cheap as shit and very nice, too.

00:36:54.000 I don't like Mexico.

00:36:56.000 Is Belize in Mexico?

00:36:57.000 I don't think it's.

00:36:58.000 No, it's its own country.

00:36:59.000 Well, it's Mexican.

00:37:00.000 It's only started like 1985.

00:37:02.000 Brown white supremacists in the house.

00:37:04.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:37:05.000 Don't you think they're pushing hard on turning men into women so there's less resistance to their authoritarian agenda?

00:37:10.000 Maybe.

00:37:10.000 I was also thinking, the biggest assholes in the world, their biggest push is don't have kids, shatter the family.

00:37:20.000 You should get a vasectomy.

00:37:22.000 And recently I've kind of been going, yeah.

00:37:26.000 I mean, I don't want people getting abortions because it's murdering babies, but you fucking losers aren't getting married and you're not having kids.

00:37:32.000 I feel like that means that my grandchildren won't have to deal with your bullshit.

00:37:39.000 You want to fucking ethnically cleanse yourselves?

00:37:42.000 Okay.

00:37:43.000 Go ahead.

00:37:45.000 Ideologically cleanse yourselves in the world?

00:37:48.000 Got to turn your mic on?

00:37:50.000 Oh yeah.

00:37:51.000 So this guy's asking about circumcising his kid.

00:37:53.000 The only thing you have to do is as they get old enough to wash themselves, you tell them to pull back the foreskin.

00:38:02.000 Now you're not going to do it, but I sell it hard to the boys.

00:38:06.000 I'm like, I hope you're pulling that back when you wash.

00:38:10.000 You don't want to get shmegma?

00:38:11.000 No, my buddy Aiden, he never pulled this back.

00:38:14.000 His dad never told him to.

00:38:15.000 So by the time we were living together at 18, he's having a bath, and there was like 10 of us in the house, and we didn't care about naked.

00:38:25.000 And I was like, dude, what the fuck's with your dick?

00:38:28.000 He's like, what do you mean?

00:38:29.000 I go, have you ever pulled it back?

00:38:31.000 And he's like, yeah, it hurts when I do.

00:38:34.000 His foreskin had formed like small.

00:38:39.000 So it hadn't formed a great.

00:38:40.000 And then when he finally pulled it back, it tasted disgusting.

00:38:46.000 I knew a guy had that happen in his like 30s.

00:38:49.000 He had to get his circumcision.

00:38:51.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:38:51.000 I know a couple of those guys.

00:38:52.000 Like he was like strangling his fucking cockhead.

00:38:55.000 Well, see, that's the problem with modern medicine.

00:38:58.000 All of these doctors are circumcised.

00:39:00.000 Half of them are Muslim.

00:39:01.000 So when they see a sworskin, they're like, what's this doing here?

00:39:04.000 And I was told, I cut mine.

00:39:07.000 Some girl when I was 13 gave me this, or 14, gave me this crazy hand job, and it cut the fresnellum, which is this.

00:39:15.000 Underneath the toe.

00:39:17.000 But what you do is you take baths, you slowly stretch it, you don't jerk off for six months, and it heals itself.

00:39:24.000 I fixed it.

00:39:25.000 I had a chance to be circumcised.

00:39:27.000 But yeah, it's apparently one of the most painful things imaginable.

00:39:32.000 And then you go, well, it's probably not very fun for a baby.

00:39:36.000 They don't have different nerve endings.

00:39:38.000 Don't think babies have nerve endings?

00:39:39.000 Pinch one.

00:39:40.000 See how they do.

00:39:42.000 See how Z feels about that.

00:39:44.000 We've got 484 on the line.

00:39:47.000 What's up, 484?

00:39:50.000 Go ahead, call it.

00:39:53.000 Go ahead, buddy.

00:39:56.000 Caller?

00:39:57.000 Caller?

00:39:58.000 484, we're talking to you.

00:40:02.000 Chaloo.

00:40:03.000 Chaloo.

00:40:04.000 It's a caller.

00:40:06.000 This is Matt.

00:40:07.000 My name's my boy.

00:40:09.000 Hey, man.

00:40:11.000 Yo.

00:40:11.000 What's up, boy?

00:40:12.000 Come on, man.

00:40:14.000 Come on, dog.

00:40:18.000 So listen, I was calling in to say, y'all missed it.

00:40:21.000 That crazy fucking bitch that Matt Walsh was talking to said kiddos in the very beginning when she started to describe the kids.

00:40:29.000 You know, I didn't.

00:40:30.000 I may have missed it then, but I didn't miss it before.

00:40:33.000 And guess what I did?

00:40:34.000 I texted Libs of TikTok chick.

00:40:36.000 And I'm still trying to get her as a friend.

00:40:39.000 It's not going great.

00:40:40.000 But I said, they always say kiddos.

00:40:44.000 It's a red flag.

00:40:46.000 Yes, it is.

00:40:47.000 I've never heard a parent here on earth say kiddos.

00:40:52.000 It's always a weird trans fucking teacher or one of these activists, kiddos.

00:40:59.000 It sounds like they're covering up for something.

00:41:02.000 I love them.

00:41:02.000 They're my little kiddos.

00:41:03.000 I'm not trying to fuck them.

00:41:06.000 Part of their grooming process.

00:41:08.000 Yeah.

00:41:09.000 All right.

00:41:09.000 Thanks for calling.

00:41:11.000 That's fucking weird.

00:41:12.000 Hey, thanks for calling.

00:41:17.000 That's our line.

00:41:18.000 All right.

00:41:19.000 Now, the bad news is that I forgot my computer.

00:41:21.000 The good news is that I've been through all the mail thanks to this crazy meth that is guerrilla mind pre-workout.

00:41:31.000 So everything is flagged, Ryan.

00:41:34.000 There's about 100 purple flags in the mailbox.

00:41:37.000 Sweet.

00:41:38.000 The only problem is people have to hear a Puerto Rican try to read.

00:41:41.000 That's okay.

00:41:42.000 Hi, I am calling.

00:41:44.000 Oh, no.

00:41:45.000 This is a letter to you.

00:41:46.000 Dear Gavin, my name is Ryan.

00:41:48.000 I went to Bronx Public School.

00:41:51.000 I read like someone's pointing a gun to my head.

00:41:53.000 I do not.

00:41:56.000 Hey, Whistler, you're on the line.

00:41:58.000 Hey, Whistler, what's up there?

00:41:59.000 Hey, what's going on, boy?

00:42:02.000 Hey.

00:42:02.000 Ooh.

00:42:04.000 Ooh.

00:42:08.000 What's up?

00:42:08.000 Hey, you guys earlier were talking about Fordskin.

00:42:11.000 You know what they call that?

00:42:13.000 It's a rabbi chewing gum.

00:42:21.000 Hey, what's up with this whole live show and getting in for free with this bald eagle tattoo?

00:42:29.000 Is that still a thing?

00:42:31.000 Yes, that is still a thing.

00:42:32.000 It has to be this exact bald eagle tattoo.

00:42:36.000 Yeah.

00:42:37.000 And it's the $35 tickets that you get, not the VIP or anything fancy.

00:42:42.000 But yes, if you have this specific, the bird which is the bald eagle tattoo, you get in for free at the Orlando show.

00:42:50.000 Oh, man, I get in free.

00:42:52.000 That's great.

00:42:53.000 So I will be getting in.

00:42:55.000 Maddie, Ryan, and I will be getting in free to our own show.

00:42:58.000 That's true.

00:42:58.000 Nice.

00:42:59.000 But yeah, I was reluctant to enforce that because it's the kind of thing you got to talk to the club owner about and blah, blah, blah.

00:43:06.000 But then fuck it.

00:43:08.000 Fuck it.

00:43:09.000 We already committed.

00:43:10.000 All right, thanks for calling.

00:43:13.000 Let's stop saying thanks for calling to me.

00:43:15.000 That's my thing.

00:43:17.000 It feels weird.

00:43:18.000 It's like if you're making out with your wife and she like pulls your hair or something.

00:43:22.000 You know, we're living in a society.

00:43:25.000 Or you ever have like she tried, the chicks tries choking you while she's on top?

00:43:30.000 And you're like, my tea isn't as low as yours, so it never occurs to them.

00:43:34.000 It's not, no.

00:43:35.000 You've had girls try to choke you?

00:43:37.000 Attempt.

00:43:40.000 But I shut it down.

00:43:41.000 I said, no.

00:43:42.000 Too bad this can't be edited out.

00:43:44.000 You mean I don't care.

00:43:46.000 That's live.

00:43:46.000 I'm fine.

00:43:47.000 Choke.

00:43:48.000 Pulling hair is kind of embarrassing.

00:43:51.000 Slapping, I mean, that'd be pretty embarrassing.

00:43:53.000 But choke?

00:43:54.000 What does she do?

00:43:54.000 She goes, you like that, you little whore?

00:43:57.000 No, you didn't say that to me at all.

00:43:59.000 I won't love it, but I'll kiss her.

00:44:01.000 Does she smack your ass, too, when she's taking you from behind?

00:44:04.000 Literally not any of that things.

00:44:07.000 Does she hold your ankles like this?

00:44:09.000 No, that's ridiculous.

00:44:12.000 Does she say, call me daddy?

00:44:13.000 No, she doesn't say, wait.

00:44:15.000 No.

00:44:17.000 She doesn't.

00:44:18.000 I did have a girl, like, back when I was 18, tie my wrists together, like tear me up.

00:44:23.000 That's worse.

00:44:24.000 And it was just, I just undid the knots and then held them there for a bit to make her feel better.

00:44:30.000 And did you hold up the thing of you're like, I am not doing this?

00:44:34.000 That's exactly what I did.

00:44:35.000 Good memory.

00:44:36.000 Yeah, it was me.

00:44:40.000 You know what?

00:44:40.000 A cop sent me a footage of a bachelorette where a woman was dumped by her husband.

00:44:45.000 He canceled the wedding when he saw the footage of what the strippers were doing.

00:44:51.000 It would be wrong to put that in front of a paywall.

00:44:53.000 So as soon as we go behind the paywall, we will be showing you the bachelorette party that ruined a wedding.

00:44:59.000 These are the kind of treats you get behind the magic wall.

00:45:02.000 But we're about to go bye-bye.

00:45:06.000 And only the people that pay about a beer and a half to two beers a month, depending where you live.

00:45:11.000 If you're in the South, it's maybe two beers a month.

00:45:15.000 If you're in Manhattan, it's less than a beer a month.

00:45:19.000 And it is more shows than you could possibly handle.

00:45:23.000 I don't think you should watch 100% of what Censored.tv puts out.

00:45:27.000 It's too much.

00:45:28.000 You need a life.

00:45:29.000 You'd be troubled.

00:45:30.000 You literally need to go outside.

00:45:32.000 Look at my getter.

00:45:33.000 I sent you this link about this guy going, is this the biggest challenge I've ever had, Jesus?

00:45:39.000 Are you testing me?

00:45:40.000 And Jesus, I'm ruining the joke, but Jesus is like, you literally need to just put your phone down and go outside.

00:45:46.000 Calm down.

00:45:48.000 So if you, you could just go to my getter, Ryan, like I told you.

00:45:54.000 If you were to watch everything we give you, you will look like that guy on the left.

00:45:59.000 It's too much goodness.

00:46:00.000 So I would say never miss my show, of course.

00:46:02.000 It's the greatest.

00:46:03.000 AIU, Jim Goad.

00:46:05.000 Dusty Bugen.

00:46:07.000 Dusty Bugen.

00:46:08.000 But don't take it all in or you'll die.

00:46:11.000 We're offering you too much.

00:46:12.000 They say, if you want to destroy a man, give him whatever he wants.

00:46:15.000 Look, Anthony Coomi is on there.

00:46:17.000 We've got the singer of the misfits.

00:46:19.000 Let's not forget Maddie's Little Kitchen.

00:46:21.000 Of course.

00:46:22.000 Maddie's Shitty Little Kitchen where what's the most recent episode we put up?

00:46:26.000 Salsa Verte.

00:46:27.000 Salsa Verte.

00:46:28.000 Well, you guys were on your hunger strike, the religious hunger thing, so I couldn't make the food I wanted to make, but the salsa sent me.

00:46:37.000 Well, for those of you who trust us, I told you I cheated a million times on that.

00:46:41.000 I didn't eat food, but I drank a lot of beer.

00:46:44.000 Way to show your fucking login.

00:46:46.000 That's all right.

00:46:50.000 When on that episode, you see Ryan taste like the tip of a knife of salsa verde.

00:46:56.000 That is the only thing he ate for seven days.

00:46:58.000 Only solid food, swear on everything.

00:47:00.000 And it was liquid.

00:47:01.000 He was born his daughter.

00:47:02.000 Liquid.

00:47:03.000 It is a liquid, frankly.

00:47:05.000 Are you considering abortion with your daughter, by the way?

00:47:07.000 No, she's born already.

00:47:08.000 So now that's irrelevant.

00:47:10.000 That's become irrelevant.

00:47:11.000 Is it now 11 months or so?

00:47:12.000 My truth does include...

00:47:14.000 If you guys change your mind, you and your wife should sit down with your physician and decide if abortion is right for you.

00:47:21.000 No, she's the most cutest, most baby.

00:47:23.000 The woman on the street says it's the woman's choice.

00:47:25.000 Well, remember that, I was thinking about that dude today, the guy who said, I believe 10 years, but that's, I'm a man, it's not up to me.

00:47:31.000 10 years.

00:47:32.000 So say his universe existed.

00:47:35.000 Oh, Jesus.

00:47:36.000 And there's just body bags of eight-year-olds and seven-year-olds.

00:47:40.000 Call me old-fashioned.

00:47:41.000 That's supposed to be a nightmare.

00:47:43.000 That's supposed to be the most unthinkable horror.

00:47:46.000 It's boring.

00:47:46.000 Piles of dead children.

00:47:49.000 Not night.

00:47:49.000 That's like the school shooting.

00:47:51.000 Dead children.

00:47:52.000 They freak out about the school shooting, and then they say you can abort an entire Hispanic nursery school in Uvalde, Mexico.

00:48:00.000 I love that argument that the left says, you know, we got to protect our children, take all the guns away, but yet you want to kill born children up into a certain amount of after the birth.

00:48:10.000 What?

00:48:12.000 Do you really give a fuck about it?

00:48:13.000 Those aren't children.

00:48:13.000 I don't know.

00:48:14.000 Those aren't people.

00:48:15.000 It's a fetus.

00:48:16.000 It's a clump of cells.

00:48:18.000 Even at two years old, even a nine-year-old is just a clump of cells.

00:48:21.000 Like a week after, that same argument.

00:48:22.000 It's like, look at yourselves.

00:48:25.000 Matt Walsh should do an abortion documentary.

00:48:29.000 What's happening now?

00:48:32.000 Oops.

00:48:33.000 Show it for the rest of the day.

00:48:34.000 Oh my God.

00:48:36.000 You're really fucking up.

00:48:38.000 If I were you, I'd either kill yourself or get a time machine and erase the part where you said, girls choke you, and then erase the part where you showed a video of your email, and then erase the part where you showed a video of you tussling your hair.

00:48:55.000 That was me doing my testosterone test, ironically.

00:48:58.000 And now that happened.

00:49:01.000 Don't you have a money jar for when you play with your hair?

00:49:03.000 That counts.

00:49:04.000 That cannot count.

00:49:05.000 Yes, it counts.

00:49:07.000 It's the same suffering that the viewer has to endure of you playing with your hair.

00:49:11.000 I don't like the way you pronounce endure, but okay.

00:49:14.000 Sorry, enderi.

00:49:16.000 The viewer has to endery.

00:49:18.000 How much is in that jar?

00:49:20.000 To buy a fucking Maserati yet?

00:49:22.000 No.

00:49:23.000 And it wouldn't be my money that's donated to the National Hair Foundation.

00:49:31.000 But yeah, Maddie's Shitty Little Kitchen, the next one coming out.

00:49:33.000 Holy fucking shit.

00:49:35.000 It's fucking awesome.

00:49:37.000 And he reads your messages.

00:49:38.000 So email Maddie.

00:49:40.000 Mailbaddick at censored.tv, MSLK being the subject.

00:49:44.000 MSLK, Maddie's Shitty Little Kitchen, MSLK page.

00:49:48.000 And I make sure that's the subject.

00:49:49.000 He has a phrase now.

00:49:51.000 He has a what?

00:49:52.000 Remember?

00:49:53.000 Maddie has his own catchphrase now.

00:49:55.000 What is that?

00:49:55.000 Two fingers piecing him out?

00:49:57.000 Nope.

00:49:58.000 It's about seven sentences long.

00:50:01.000 Do you remember it?

00:50:02.000 You're like, keep watching.

00:50:04.000 You need to keep going.

00:50:04.000 Believe in yourself.

00:50:05.000 Never let yourself down.

00:50:07.000 And always cook if you can, no matter what the size of your kitchen is.

00:50:11.000 That is pretty good.

00:50:13.000 I think it's this.

00:50:15.000 Paragraph long.

00:50:18.000 But next week, this whole chicken.

00:50:20.000 No.

00:50:21.000 That's.

00:50:22.000 That was the last week.

00:50:23.000 The following week, yeah.

00:50:25.000 I'm out of order.

00:50:26.000 But anyway.

00:50:28.000 Keep cooking.

00:50:29.000 Keep enjoying.

00:50:30.000 Keep watching.

00:50:31.000 Keep writing in.

00:50:32.000 Keep commenting.

00:50:37.000 You're going to need a storage unit, bro.

00:50:39.000 That's hit him.

00:50:39.000 Keep it.

00:50:40.000 That is catchy.

00:50:41.000 Get fired.

00:50:42.000 Get in trouble.

00:50:42.000 No, step aside.

00:50:44.000 Caught up in the moment.

00:50:45.000 Caught up in the moment.

00:50:48.000 All right.

00:50:48.000 So before we go, we're going.

00:50:50.000 Oh, yeah.

00:50:52.000 Have we read an email yet?

00:50:53.000 Oh, yeah.

00:50:53.000 Yeah.

00:50:53.000 Wait, wait.

00:50:54.000 No, we haven't.

00:50:55.000 I lied.

00:50:56.000 Okay.

00:50:56.000 We did not.

00:50:59.000 Let's read an email.

00:51:00.000 Okay.

00:51:00.000 What's the first purple flag?

00:51:02.000 First perp flay.

00:51:03.000 Hey, fellas, I'm a subscriber for a few years now.

00:51:06.000 Love what you are doing, Gavman.

00:51:08.000 Ryan, not so much.

00:51:09.000 Fuck you.

00:51:10.000 Just wanted to ask Maddie a question.

00:51:11.000 What are the poached scrambled eggs?

00:51:13.000 Do you poach and then scramble?

00:51:15.000 Or do you just scramble, then poach?

00:51:17.000 I'm a cook living.

00:51:18.000 For a living, I love your show MSLK as for the next Scottish dish you teach.

00:51:21.000 Have you tried cocka leaky pie?

00:51:24.000 Here's a link to the recipe.

00:51:25.000 It's so good, you'll fuck Stacey Abrams for a slice.

00:51:28.000 It's also a simple, shitty little kitchen meal.

00:51:30.000 Love your new sunglasses.

00:51:34.000 Like when I say poached, scrambled eggs, it's just they're cooked in a lot of butter.

00:51:39.000 And the culinary term would be they're blonde eggs.

00:51:45.000 But a scrambled egg has been mashed to shit.

00:51:47.000 A poached egg, you still has the yolk.

00:51:49.000 Yeah, but it's scrambled, but when you put it in the pan, it's like a medium-high heat.

00:51:55.000 And then as soon as the eggs hit the pan, you turn the flame down real low because There's not supposed to be any color on like omelets or scrambled eggs, like no brown or anything like that.

00:52:07.000 Okay.

00:52:08.000 And it's tons of butter.

00:52:09.000 It looks liquidy, like they're runny eggs, but they're not because it's like poached in butter.

00:52:13.000 But like poached eggs is in like water with like vinegar and stuff like that.

00:52:16.000 It's totally different.

00:52:17.000 Oh.

00:52:18.000 Wait, am I fucking up?

00:52:20.000 What are the things that are in the little cups?

00:52:21.000 That eggs bedded in?

00:52:22.000 It's a poached egg.

00:52:23.000 Okay.

00:52:23.000 Right.

00:52:24.000 I'm saying it's like poached in a fuck ton of butter.

00:52:29.000 But when the eater gets it, it's in a little cup.

00:52:33.000 No.

00:52:35.000 No little cup.

00:52:36.000 It's not cooked in a little cup.

00:52:37.000 The little cup doesn't participate.

00:52:39.000 But I thought that's what defined a poached egg.

00:52:42.000 A real poached egg is cooked not in a little cup.

00:52:44.000 They usually put it in water with like vinegar.

00:52:47.000 Yeah.

00:52:47.000 Okay, I know less now than I did going into this.

00:52:50.000 Sweet.

00:52:50.000 And you don't put it in that cup because that egg actually gets cooked by steam.

00:52:54.000 What's Eggs Benedict?

00:52:55.000 Eggs Benedict has Hollandaise sauce and stuff on it.

00:52:58.000 Hollandaise, yeah, yeah.

00:52:59.000 So what's that I'm looking at?

00:53:00.000 That's Eggs Benedict?

00:53:01.000 That's a poached egg.

00:53:02.000 Well, yeah, it's poached eggs on like a bread with like ham and then a hollandaise sauce on top.

00:53:08.000 Okay.

00:53:08.000 See, that's a poached egg right there, a real traditional poached egg in water with vinegar so it keeps it form and stuff.

00:53:17.000 Ryan, look up like I want to see Eggs Benedict now.

00:53:22.000 I'm lost.

00:53:22.000 Is it who you're talking about?

00:53:23.000 In a ramekin?

00:53:24.000 No, no, no.

00:53:25.000 Eggs Benedict is going to be...

00:53:27.000 Eggs and ramekin?

00:53:29.000 What the fuck are you doing now?

00:53:31.000 Eggs and ramekin.

00:53:32.000 Now we're going over to Kenoshi, Japan?

00:53:35.000 Eggs in the ramicino.

00:53:36.000 That's eggs Benedict.

00:53:37.000 Okay.

00:53:38.000 I love Eggs Benedict.

00:53:39.000 What's the difference between a poached egg and a Benedict egg?

00:53:42.000 We use a poached bed.

00:53:42.000 It's a egg, but it's got like topping of English muffin and Hollandaise.

00:53:48.000 Okay, okay, we're catching up now.

00:53:49.000 So now let's get back to the original question is, what is a...

00:53:53.000 What was it again?

00:53:54.000 But like a blonde omelette or poached scrambled egg.

00:53:58.000 A poached scrambled egg.

00:53:59.000 Yeah.

00:54:02.000 I don't know if I'm going to come up on a picture, but.

00:54:06.000 That looks like the dick that lesbians get.

00:54:09.000 Go scroll down.

00:54:11.000 You see that one right there?

00:54:12.000 This one?

00:54:13.000 Yeah.

00:54:14.000 Let me.

00:54:14.000 With the spaghetti in it?

00:54:16.000 Oh, it's got a shit ton of onions in it.

00:54:18.000 But you see all that brown on the screen, like on those eggs?

00:54:21.000 That's not supposed to be there.

00:54:22.000 It's supposed to be.

00:54:23.000 Oh, yeah, all this.

00:54:24.000 Right.

00:54:25.000 That's not the way you cook eggs.

00:54:27.000 Okay.

00:54:27.000 Like, okay, over there on the left.

00:54:29.000 See, you got the chives at the bottom left corner?

00:54:31.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:54:32.000 Bottom left corner.

00:54:34.000 There.

00:54:34.000 Yeah.

00:54:35.000 That's like, that's called blonde.

00:54:37.000 Yum.

00:54:38.000 Yeah.

00:54:38.000 Oh, that shit looks dope.

00:54:39.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:54:40.000 Yeah, I don't like the texture when it gets all brown like that, too.

00:54:42.000 It gets tough.

00:54:43.000 Yeah, it sounds racist.

00:54:44.000 Those aren't really good eggs.

00:54:46.000 Okay, we're going to leave, but before we do, we'd like to thank our other sponsor for today's show, Johnny Apple CBD.

00:54:54.000 They've been with us since day one.

00:54:56.000 All the magic of that evil drug marijuana without the illegal part.

00:55:01.000 You can even get a buzz off the Delta 8s.

00:55:04.000 You got the gummies, help you sleep, give you groovy dreams.

00:55:08.000 You got the tincture for the coffee.

00:55:11.000 You've got the cartridges for the vape pen.

00:55:15.000 It's amazing the variety at johnnyapple.com.

00:55:19.000 You got the creams, the topicals.

00:55:21.000 You know, my wife swears by the topicals if she's going out for the night with high-heel shoes.

00:55:25.000 You put on your feet, your feet don't hurt.

00:55:28.000 Johnnyapple.com, JohnnyAppleCBD.com also works, obviously.

00:55:32.000 The promo code is Gavin.

00:55:34.000 You get 15% off.

00:55:36.000 God bless these guys for sticking with us through thick and thin since day one.

00:55:42.000 Very impressive, these guys.

00:55:44.000 Whenever you see a sponsor on the show, know they've been through hell.

00:55:47.000 Orlando Weekly couldn't hack it.

00:55:50.000 They couldn't take the heat.

00:55:51.000 JohnnyApple.com has been telling assholes to fuck off since our very first episode.

00:55:57.000 So God bless them and their cause.

00:55:59.000 You want to do a fun thing?

00:56:00.000 Here, hold these three.

00:56:01.000 Two of them are not going to get me blazed, and one of them is.

00:56:06.000 Okay.

00:56:07.000 That's a fun thing.

00:56:10.000 Okay.

00:56:19.000 I can feel it because of the tape.

00:56:22.000 That's not cheating.

00:56:27.000 But that's legal what you're doing right now in every country in the world, right?

00:56:30.000 No, THC?

00:56:33.000 Smooth.

00:56:34.000 Ninja.

00:56:36.000 By the way, in the future, Ryan, when you give me three things and one of them has a skull and crossbone on it, know that I'm going to make sure that your hand goes to the surface.

00:56:44.000 You were supposed to shuffle those, though.

00:56:47.000 In the interest of fairness.

00:56:48.000 Yeah.

00:56:50.000 In the interest of funness, I'm obviously going to give you whatever has the poison logo on it.

00:56:55.000 That is a good boy.

00:56:56.000 We're going to get you fucked up.

00:56:58.000 Anyway, that should give you a reasonable taste of what Thursday nights are like here at GOML.

00:57:04.000 It's not really what the typical shows are like.

00:57:06.000 Typical shows, much more formal.

00:57:08.000 I've got a suit on.

00:57:09.000 We do green screens.

00:57:11.000 We do segments.

00:57:12.000 The show is very well organized.

00:57:14.000 It's like Tucker Carlson meets Opian Anthony, meets Howard Stern, but much ruder.

00:57:22.000 I think that's an accurate assessment.

00:57:23.000 So until we see you, freeloaders, next week, here comes the saying.

00:57:28.000 And to all you guys we'll see tomorrow, here comes the saying.

00:57:33.000 Keep watching.

00:57:35.000 Keep writing in comments.

00:57:37.000 Keep eating.

00:57:39.000 Keep doing what you do.

00:57:41.000 Get fired.

00:57:42.000 Get in trouble.

00:57:42.000 Be brave.

00:57:43.000 And never stop fighting.

00:58:18.000 I'm out of here.

00:58:19.000 Bye.

00:58:20.000 Bye-bye.

00:58:21.000 Bye, everybody.

00:58:26.000 I think you're away.

00:58:28.000 I think when you go away too long, Noobies don't realize that we didn't leave.

00:58:33.000 True.

00:58:34.000 Sorry, noobs.

00:58:40.000 Done.

00:58:41.000 Okay.

00:58:44.000 This is crazy.

00:58:45.000 This is crazy, man.

00:58:47.000 Wow.

00:58:48.000 Wait.

00:58:49.000 Crazy, man.

00:58:50.000 So the Aztec people, they actually lived in Taekwondo huts, which is crazy.

00:58:56.000 Taekwondo huts.

00:58:58.000 You know that in China, every word has four different connotations.

00:59:04.000 Like Bob is Bob.

00:59:05.000 It's Bob.

00:59:06.000 It's Bob.

00:59:07.000 Yep.

00:59:09.000 You better get it right or everyone dies.

00:59:12.000 In Taiwanese, which are the aboriginals of Taiwan, they're American Indians, there's eight per word.

00:59:19.000 What?

00:59:20.000 Meanwhile, they're retarded.

00:59:22.000 Like, their word for cat is meow.

00:59:24.000 So how can you be so dumb and have such a complex language?

00:59:28.000 Atanau.

00:59:30.000 But, okay, I sent you this link, Ryan.

00:59:32.000 Okay, so first I got the picture, right?

00:59:34.000 Yeah, and then you should get the video soon after.

00:59:38.000 Husband cancels wedding day.

00:59:41.000 Husband cancel wedding after they sent him a video of the bride bachelorette party shaking my fucking head.

00:59:48.000 Now, let's just play devil's advocate here.

00:59:50.000 Because, of course, there's the internet you.

00:59:53.000 That's like, man, if I was on that subway, everyone would be dead.

00:59:57.000 And I'd have kicked their ass.

00:59:58.000 It would have saved the chick.

00:59:59.000 And if you're watching this, you're like, I would have told her to fucking hit the bricks.

01:00:03.000 I'd be married to a supermodel within a week.

01:00:06.000 And I'd do a backflip and fucking catch a knife in my teeth.

01:00:10.000 Yes, okay, I know.

01:00:12.000 But let's try to imagine an ourself where we let this slide.

01:00:20.000 Is it possible?

01:00:23.000 Wait, stop, Ryan.

01:00:25.000 Go back, dude.

01:00:26.000 I also have to do my NSFW shit.

01:00:28.000 Oh, I'm sorry.

01:00:31.000 So anyway, go back to the first thing.

01:00:36.000 You can see the post, whatever it is.

01:00:38.000 The video is horrible.

01:00:40.000 Quality.

01:00:40.000 Yeah.

01:00:42.000 This is cops, man.

01:00:44.000 Everything in their phone is like 72 DPI.

01:00:48.000 So she's very pretty.

01:00:50.000 They're getting married.

01:00:51.000 He looks a little old for her, actually.

01:00:52.000 He looks like her dad.

01:00:54.000 But she's an attractive young lady.

01:00:56.000 And she looks kind of like Lauren Bobbert.

01:00:59.000 And she's getting reamed.

01:01:00.000 Her friends seem to be holding her arms down.

01:01:03.000 Yeah, she looks pinned.

01:01:05.000 This is kind of tribal.

01:01:06.000 So she could argue she was raped.

01:01:09.000 Can you aim the mic a little more?

01:01:11.000 Me?

01:01:11.000 Maddie.

01:01:12.000 Yeah.

01:01:13.000 Is Maddie using the mic?

01:01:14.000 Yeah.

01:01:15.000 So what's the lab for?

01:01:16.000 The phone?

01:01:16.000 Yes.

01:01:17.000 Oh.

01:01:20.000 Okay, so folks, this is pornography.

01:01:23.000 It could be rape porn, for all we know.

01:01:26.000 It's marriage ruining.

01:01:28.000 But let's watch this disgusting sexual act.

01:01:32.000 Not safe for work.

01:01:33.000 I should make a little bumper for that.

01:01:34.000 Yeah, let's make a bumper for that.

01:01:37.000 But this is a male stripper fucking the living shit out of a woman before her wedding day.

01:01:42.000 It's another thing.

01:01:47.000 So she's not streaming no.

01:01:52.000 Look at these savages.

01:02:01.000 Are they like sort of touching her tit?

01:02:03.000 Yeah, there's a friend reaching for the tit.

01:02:05.000 Just a good friend.

01:02:06.000 Probably never even like kissed before.

01:02:09.000 She always wanted to do it.

01:02:10.000 Now she finally gets to.

01:02:12.000 That's what I'm thinking.

01:02:14.000 I kind of got a bit of a boner there.

01:02:16.000 I didn't.

01:02:18.000 So what's the verdict, Maddie Odell?

01:02:22.000 Not good.

01:02:23.000 Not good.

01:02:24.000 Not good.

01:02:25.000 Is the wedding off?

01:02:27.000 Yeah, that would be a tough one.

01:02:29.000 Because even if she's like, I was wasted and they were holding me down, you're like, yeah, I kind of saw you moaning and you weren't going, no, no.

01:02:39.000 Yeah.

01:02:42.000 That's at least going to be an awkward honeymoon.

01:02:45.000 You think?

01:02:46.000 Especially if you come in like 10 seconds.

01:02:49.000 Oh, my God.

01:02:49.000 That's so true.

01:02:51.000 He's just pissed he wasn't there.

01:02:53.000 Yeah, it's funny.

01:02:56.000 I've never been to a bachelor party like that where dudes are like, yeah, this rocks.

01:03:01.000 I've been to ones that were strippers, but they would be in the limo horsing around with each other and guys would be there with their flashlights just going, whoa, yeah.

01:03:11.000 And then I've been to ones where there was a chick and she would like sit on you and slap you in the face with her tits, but she wasn't hot and it was comical and we were all laughing and making the bachelor do it was almost like mean.

01:03:24.000 And I remember him saying, I don't want to do this.

01:03:26.000 I don't want to be under her.

01:03:27.000 I'm like, yeah, dude, that's the joke.

01:03:29.000 This is funny.

01:03:30.000 You're not here to like have an erotic session.

01:03:33.000 And then the past few I've been to have been no chicks, just like in the woods with a bottle of whiskey, some guns, and just dudes.

01:03:41.000 I've been to a few doozies.

01:03:44.000 That's all I'll say.

01:03:49.000 I know one guy, Terry Richardson, was a junkie at the time.

01:03:53.000 And he shows up to the bachelor party, and they have like 10 strippers, prostitutes, all ready to rock.

01:03:59.000 The guys are all high on smack.

01:04:01.000 They just go...

01:04:03.000 So he goes, it was like walking in to a shooting.

01:04:07.000 Like it was like Al Capone had just been in and decided not to kill any woman.

01:04:11.000 So he goes, we're stepping over bodies.

01:04:13.000 There was tons of Coke.

01:04:15.000 So he's doing Coke with them, drinking.

01:04:17.000 They're fucking like next to a guy who's like going like a dead body, basically.

01:04:22.000 May have been a dead body.

01:04:24.000 And he just had a gay old time bone and brads and a pile of dudes.

01:04:28.000 Plenty of bachelor parties that were out of control.

01:04:31.000 Girls shooting eggs out of their pussy, guys with a ball bag.

01:04:34.000 Eggs Benedict?

01:04:36.000 Oh, yeah.

01:04:38.000 Yeah.

01:04:40.000 And they always.

01:04:41.000 Talk about a poacher.

01:04:42.000 Some of them, you know, they're.

01:04:44.000 It's funny, they don't break.

01:04:45.000 There's any blonde omelets around there?

01:04:48.000 Oh, yeah, true.

01:04:48.000 No, you know, they always offer the groom and the first best band if they would like to partake in activities that would get them in trouble like that.

01:05:01.000 Yeah.

01:05:02.000 When I say 99%, too.

01:05:06.000 How about the bitch who released that to the husband?

01:05:10.000 Yeah, that's a vindictive cunt.

01:05:11.000 You've sent a, you've invited too many ladies to your bachelorette party, my dear.

01:05:17.000 But I don't know.

01:05:18.000 I'm kind of skeptical of that video because there's tons of porn, like dancing bear porn, where it's like bachelorette parties.

01:05:25.000 Yeah, but you saw that crowd.

01:05:27.000 There was like 25 girls there.

01:05:29.000 They didn't seem very porny, too.

01:05:31.000 But go back, pull it up, NSFW, bumper.

01:05:34.000 That's why the fucking quality of it sucks shit.

01:05:37.000 Well, on my phone, it is a grain of sand.

01:05:40.000 They all are.

01:05:42.000 Like, whose cell phone does that?

01:05:44.000 They have droids, perhaps.

01:05:47.000 Yeah, look at that.

01:05:47.000 That's not really a porn crowd.

01:05:52.000 The lighting's pretty intense.

01:05:54.000 Yeah.

01:05:55.000 And would there be more nudity if there was?

01:05:58.000 Yeah, like, where are they?

01:05:59.000 I see flashes in the background.

01:06:02.000 So you're breaking up with her, Ryan?

01:06:04.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

01:06:05.000 That's insane.

01:06:07.000 Obviously.

01:06:08.000 The question is, who wouldn't?

01:06:09.000 I'm trying to make my brain go, well, it was a bachelor's party.

01:06:13.000 We can move on.

01:06:14.000 This is the love of my life.

01:06:15.000 You know, we're going to make a family together.

01:06:17.000 But even with my biggest devil's advocate, Crane, I'm having trouble with this.

01:06:23.000 It's not easy.

01:06:24.000 That's Ichabod's brother.

01:06:27.000 He's probably saved a lot of money.

01:06:30.000 Yeah.

01:06:31.000 True.

01:06:33.000 Alex Jones is called.

01:06:34.000 What?

01:06:35.000 Alex Jones is calling in.

01:06:37.000 Okay, let's hear some hack impressions.

01:06:40.000 Oh, well, that's.

01:06:41.000 Gavin.

01:06:42.000 Gavin.

01:06:42.000 Hey, great talking to you, Gavin.

01:06:45.000 It's been such a long time.

01:06:47.000 I'm calling from right here in Fever Region 6, Austin, Texas.

01:06:50.000 How are you doing today, Gavin?

01:06:51.000 I'm doing great, Alex.

01:06:53.000 What's with your voice?

01:06:54.000 Are you okay?

01:06:56.000 Yeah, I actually just came down with a real bad case, Larona.

01:07:01.000 You know, I thought it was just this big.

01:07:05.000 It turns out it's, well, you know, it's a big problem.

01:07:11.000 I hate to say it.

01:07:12.000 Also, hello to Ryan and Maddie.

01:07:15.000 You guys are...

01:07:16.000 I'm big fans of you.

01:07:17.000 Thank you guys.

01:07:17.000 You know, you're probably, you sound like you're going to be a regular on the show.

01:07:21.000 Let's come up with a nickname for you.

01:07:22.000 What about Thanks for Calling?

01:07:26.000 Thanks for calling.

01:07:28.000 I can't believe he's big fans of us, though.

01:07:30.000 That's pretty awesome.

01:07:32.000 This guy's just titled Gay Guy 626.

01:07:38.000 Hey.

01:07:39.000 Hey.

01:07:41.000 What's going on?

01:07:42.000 How are you?

01:07:42.000 Good.

01:07:43.000 How are you?

01:07:45.000 Good.

01:07:45.000 I was listening to a song called Ups and Downs by Brian Rivera.

01:07:51.000 Oh, God.

01:07:51.000 Yes.

01:07:52.000 And actually I was watching the video for this.

01:07:55.000 And the first minute is like a really artistic sort of skit.

01:08:01.000 Really good acting.

01:08:02.000 How dare you?

01:08:04.000 How dare you and scam you?

01:08:06.000 Well, let's show it.

01:08:07.000 I mean, why talk about it?

01:08:08.000 When we watch highs and lows.

01:08:11.000 It's highs and lows.

01:08:13.000 Yeah, let's play it.

01:08:14.000 You know, I think I should play this for the live show.

01:08:17.000 I thought about it.

01:08:18.000 And I'm ready to play.

01:08:18.000 Oh, that's a good way to intro the whole night.

01:08:22.000 If we can.

01:08:22.000 And play the video in the background.

01:08:24.000 Come out with his biggest hit.

01:08:25.000 That's something we should also explain.

01:08:28.000 There's going to be a giant screen behind us.

01:08:30.000 So when Ryan is Donald Trump, you'll see Donald Trump on the screen.

01:08:34.000 Which is why I'm sending him down there a day early.

01:08:37.000 Cool.

01:08:37.000 Nice.

01:08:38.000 The theater holds, I think, 600 people.

01:08:41.000 600 people.

01:08:42.000 I think we're going to pull it off.

01:08:44.000 At least 500 people.

01:08:45.000 Amazing.

01:08:46.000 That is amazing.

01:08:47.000 All right.

01:08:48.000 Thanks for calling.

01:08:50.000 Amazing.

01:08:51.000 Read a letter, Ryan.

01:08:52.000 I want some substance here.

01:08:54.000 All right.

01:08:56.000 And you can still super chat, Boneheads.

01:09:00.000 We have a couple of those, too.

01:09:01.000 So while I find the second letter.

01:09:03.000 Okay.

01:09:04.000 Okay.

01:09:05.000 Ryan Reed.

01:09:06.000 Here it is.

01:09:07.000 Big one.

01:09:08.000 Gav, was Elliot Smith murdered?

01:09:11.000 Okay, so this is a delicate thing.

01:09:14.000 You don't want to be sued by anyone.

01:09:17.000 But it is my personal opinion, based on the evidence that I've accrued and the stories I've heard and the people I've spoken to, that Elliot Smith was murdered by Jennifer Chiba.

01:09:28.000 That is my belief.

01:09:30.000 It is not a factual thing.

01:09:32.000 I don't believe that he stabbed himself like this.

01:09:36.000 It's very rare people do that.

01:09:38.000 They usually do it in the bath, nude.

01:09:41.000 This was fully clothed.

01:09:43.000 There's reports that his suicide note was signed with the wrong spelling of his name.

01:09:48.000 It's my understanding that he was dumping her.

01:09:52.000 And she, meanwhile, was working on various baby names.

01:09:56.000 I thought it was interesting, though, because I used to travel in her circles.

01:10:00.000 She's a star fucker, as far as I'm concerned.

01:10:03.000 She was with the Pixies drummer after that.

01:10:05.000 And David Cross, she fucked for a long time.

01:10:09.000 No one really minded having her around.

01:10:12.000 There was a lot of people who believed that she murdered Elliot Smith, and those who didn't knew there was a lot of evidence, and it was a reasonable theory.

01:10:21.000 But that wasn't a big deal in our scene.

01:10:25.000 Being known as a racist, or being, like in my wife's case, being married to someone who's rumored to be a racist, that was unacceptable.

01:10:37.000 But murder, that's not so bad.

01:10:41.000 At least you're not a racist.

01:10:42.000 And I spoke to a woman in France who's devoted her life to proving this.

01:10:48.000 And she's friendly with the she's that might be her site.

01:10:53.000 Is it?

01:10:54.000 Is that a French chick?

01:10:56.000 This is Rock, New York City, NYC, and it's written by Allison Camus.

01:11:03.000 Let me see if that's her.

01:11:06.000 Although she might be in my phone as just like Elliot Smith chick.

01:11:10.000 The fact that the note was found by Jennifer Chiba herself is odd, and the fact that she told W.T. Schultz that she had been in the habit of sticking post-its around the house, each with little encouraging messages, can certainly look suspicious.

01:11:23.000 This post-it note could have been written at any moment, any day.

01:11:26.000 Police still have the note to my knowledge, and when I talked to Detective King years ago, he said he could not say anything about it.

01:11:33.000 Oh, yeah, that is her.

01:11:35.000 Because she said, I spoke to the detective, and I said, Do you think I'm crazy for pursuing this?

01:11:43.000 And the detective said, No, I don't.

01:11:47.000 Detectives don't really care at the end of the day.

01:11:49.000 They're just like, I'm not getting fired for this.

01:11:52.000 Case closed.

01:11:53.000 We're done.

01:11:55.000 Well, just leave it open and unsolved cold.

01:11:59.000 Yeah.

01:11:59.000 Well, they ruled it a suicide, that was it.

01:12:01.000 Oh, yeah.

01:12:02.000 Yeah, that's her New York City.

01:12:04.000 That's the chick.

01:12:08.000 She's just a French girl.

01:12:10.000 You probably care way less, but what are your thoughts on the Kurt Cobain Courtney Love murder, suicide quote?

01:12:19.000 I don't know.

01:12:19.000 I think he killed himself.

01:12:23.000 Who knows, though?

01:12:24.000 Nobody knows.

01:12:25.000 Only one person knows.

01:12:27.000 There's a lot of evidence making her look like a suspect, but I'm not convinced, though.

01:12:33.000 If people could get away with murder, how would she...

01:12:35.000 She's bribing the cops, and they're like ignoring a murder?

01:12:39.000 Well, I don't think so.

01:12:40.000 There's evidence that, or I should say, I've heard stories about the police pulling over Steve Coogan.

01:12:48.000 And this is back when a GPS was a fucking 40-pound frisbee super magnet.

01:12:54.000 They pull him over.

01:12:57.000 They say, hey, you're drunk.

01:12:59.000 And he goes, no, I'm not.

01:13:00.000 Give me a breathalyzer.

01:13:00.000 And they go, look, we know you're drunk.

01:13:02.000 We're going to impound your car.

01:13:04.000 Or you go to that cafe and you have a coffee.

01:13:06.000 He's like, what?

01:13:08.000 I'll have a coffee, but I'll be up all night.

01:13:11.000 I'm not drunk at all.

01:13:12.000 I haven't had a drink.

01:13:13.000 I often am drunk.

01:13:14.000 But you found the one night officer that I haven't had any drinks.

01:13:18.000 So he goes, but I don't want my car impounded, so fine.

01:13:21.000 I'll go to the diner.

01:13:22.000 So he goes to the diner.

01:13:23.000 And an hour later, he comes back.

01:13:26.000 They go, fine, bye.

01:13:29.000 And then Courtney starts showing up everywhere he goes.

01:13:33.000 He hires a private detective.

01:13:36.000 The detective goes through his phones, his lampshades, trying to find bugs, his wallet, everything.

01:13:41.000 This is a brand new phone, new number, everything.

01:13:44.000 And then he goes, ha ha.

01:13:46.000 And he looks under the car and there he finds it, a big giant.

01:13:49.000 He goes, have you ever left your car in someone's care?

01:13:53.000 No, not at all.

01:13:54.000 It's a new car.

01:13:55.000 Because he got so scared of Courtney being a stalker that he moved back to England for a while.

01:14:01.000 So when he came back after, I think, six months, he got a new car, new house, everything was all new.

01:14:08.000 And then he realized, fuck, the only time my car has not been in my parking garage has been, in my garage, I should say, has been when those cops made me go get a coffee.

01:14:18.000 And it was weird how they didn't want to breathalyze me.

01:14:21.000 So she's close with the cops there.

01:14:23.000 Right.

01:14:24.000 No, I do.

01:14:27.000 I'm like 90% convinced, but that's a strong 10% that she didn't do it because I'd like to think somebody that high profile can't just get away with murder.

01:14:35.000 Maybe I'm naive.

01:14:36.000 J. Simpson.

01:14:37.000 Oh, yeah.

01:14:38.000 But that was racially probably.

01:14:40.000 Look at Michael Sussman.

01:14:42.000 He did something far worse.

01:14:44.000 Roger Stone has had his life shoved up his own ass.

01:14:49.000 SWAT teams.

01:14:51.000 The only reason he's alive today, because he wouldn't have lasted that prison sentence no matter how short it was.

01:14:57.000 Even five years would have killed him.

01:14:59.000 The only reason he's alive today is because Trump pardoned him.

01:15:03.000 And the accusation was, did you ever get an email from Julian Assange?

01:15:08.000 No, I didn't.

01:15:09.000 This is during the Trump campaign when he was getting 1,500 emails a day.

01:15:12.000 Yes, he did get an email from Julian Assange.

01:15:15.000 So you lied to the FBI.

01:15:17.000 Well, no, I forgot about one email.

01:15:19.000 No, you impeded an investigation.

01:15:21.000 Oh, for fuck's sakes.

01:15:23.000 You're looking at five to 20 years.

01:15:26.000 Sussman, none of this I forgot an email.

01:15:30.000 He lied about Hillary faking documents to frame Trump.

01:15:37.000 He said it right to the FBI, bold-faced lie, nothing.

01:15:40.000 And the jury was stacked with Hillary supporters, Hillary friends, Hillary donors.

01:15:46.000 The judge was, I think, went to school with Sussman or something.

01:15:51.000 The whole trial was a Sussman reunion party, and charges dropped.

01:15:58.000 So don't think that massive injustice can't happen.

01:16:02.000 I'm stunned Avenatti got four years.

01:16:04.000 By the way, that whole, the Coogan story is in full.

01:16:08.000 It's the full version.

01:16:10.000 Very good.

01:16:11.000 If you go to censor.tv, this is under, will be under story time, but this is from the marathon.

01:16:17.000 Remember this?

01:16:18.000 Very cool segment that we kind of dropped, but for the whole story, check it out.

01:16:24.000 We can bring that back.

01:16:25.000 Yeah.

01:16:26.000 It'll be good for when we go away.

01:16:28.000 I want to go to Barcelona this summer.

01:16:31.000 Barcelona.

01:16:34.000 I should probably go just to probably get some footage or something.

01:16:37.000 Yeah.

01:16:40.000 That hurts extra hard because of the CBD.

01:16:44.000 Well, you know, fags.

01:16:45.000 You fags know a lot about things that hurt hard.

01:16:49.000 I ruined the joke by stumbling over the intro.

01:16:52.000 I'm straight again.

01:16:53.000 That's how unforgiving comedy is.

01:16:55.000 The high-vis shirts are coming.

01:16:57.000 There's a high-viz shortage.

01:16:59.000 No way.

01:17:00.000 Which at first I thought was good because that means people are getting back to work.

01:17:04.000 But now I think it's bad because it's probably just more safety regulations.

01:17:09.000 But you cannot get XL high-viz in America right now.

01:17:13.000 Go try to buy them in bulk.

01:17:15.000 Good luck.

01:17:16.000 I don't want FOP.

01:17:17.000 Gosh damn it.

01:17:18.000 I'm a Dapper Dan man.

01:17:21.000 We only read live chats for $100 an up, Ryan.

01:17:25.000 You just read a bunch over $25.

01:17:27.000 I know, because you're not doing your job and I have nothing to do here.

01:17:30.000 Read an email, get a call.

01:17:31.000 We got calls.

01:17:32.000 Patrick, you're on the line.

01:17:35.000 Go ahead, Patrick.

01:17:38.000 Hey, Patrick.

01:17:41.000 You are walking on 30 seconds of thin ice before I get up and leave.

01:17:46.000 Isn't thin ice measured by the thickness of the ice and not the duration of it?

01:17:51.000 Yeah, how many seconds...

01:17:53.000 Well, if you weigh different things.

01:17:56.000 You don't know what truth is.

01:17:58.000 Okay.

01:17:58.000 It's condescending.

01:18:01.000 It's not condescending because you just say that truth is not an ambiguous thing.

01:18:07.000 Who's truth?

01:18:09.000 If I was at homo, I'd say the truth is that there are multi-genders and gender has become a sort of a gray area.

01:18:15.000 It's not the same as sex.

01:18:17.000 That's their argument.

01:18:18.000 At least get it right.

01:18:20.000 I love the old saying.

01:18:21.000 Hey, the truth hurts.

01:18:24.000 Yeah.

01:18:25.000 I'm the foster parent from last week.

01:18:27.000 I have an update for you, Kevin.

01:18:28.000 Well, please be good news.

01:18:31.000 Well, it's just kind of interesting.

01:18:34.000 So there's, you know, obviously the biological parents, they have like this control issue because they don't get to see their kids all week.

01:18:43.000 You know, they get to see them like twice a week or whatever.

01:18:45.000 So their mom has this control issue.

01:18:49.000 So the two younger kids are boys and she refuses to let them get their hair cut because one of the rules in foster care is that the birth mom gets to dictate when the kids get their hair cut.

01:19:01.000 Oh, Lord.

01:19:03.000 And so we've gone for months into summer.

01:19:06.000 We've literally found ticks on these boys' head because the mom refuses to let the boys get their hair cut.

01:19:12.000 So how long is their hair?

01:19:15.000 It's like, it's worse than Ryan's hair, if you can imagine that.

01:19:18.000 How dare you?

01:19:19.000 Like shoulder length?

01:19:22.000 It's not quite shoulder length, but it's going to get there.

01:19:25.000 For fuck's sakes, can you not talk to the whatever McCall's, the boss?

01:19:32.000 It's pretty funny.

01:19:34.000 They want the children.

01:19:34.000 No, because they have this one little piece of control, and so they latch onto it.

01:19:41.000 Wow.

01:19:41.000 A child can pick his gender, but can't decide when he wants his hair cut.

01:19:45.000 Wow.

01:19:46.000 Well, Maddie, they're two and five years old, so I mean, they don't really get a say.

01:19:52.000 Well, we have footage of a two-year-old choosing his gender.

01:19:56.000 So they are doing that shit.

01:19:59.000 Okay, so the second thing is the 10-year-old, well, she just turned 11.

01:20:03.000 She's a girl.

01:20:03.000 She wants to go to the Catholic school in town next year.

01:20:06.000 She asked her mom if she could tonight because they had a visit tonight.

01:20:10.000 And her mom said no.

01:20:13.000 And this girl, I pick her up from the visit tonight, and she's just like, my mom said that I cannot go to St. Mary's this year, next year.

01:20:22.000 And she was so pissed at her biological mom.

01:20:27.000 And her mom can't control that.

01:20:30.000 Well, thank you for proving that every time I give someone a second thing, it always blows and ruins the quality of the first thing.

01:20:39.000 It's all one thing, Gavin.

01:20:41.000 That's a good point, I guess.

01:20:43.000 All right, thanks for calling, man.

01:20:45.000 Gavin's take on the Rolling Stones is one of the most retarded things I've ever heard.

01:20:48.000 Ryan Katsu Rivera level of retard.

01:20:51.000 Okay, let's just go to the Rolling Stones Wikipedia for a second here and look at their hits.

01:20:59.000 I believe there's about 10.

01:21:02.000 Now, Undercover of the Night.

01:21:07.000 Are we counting that?

01:21:09.000 It's pretty corny.

01:21:12.000 Don't even pretend we're going to look at Harlem Shuffle.

01:21:17.000 No, look at, like, maybe this isn't the right place.

01:21:19.000 Rolling Stones hits?

01:21:23.000 I want the dates on them.

01:21:26.000 Biggest Rolling Stones hits or something.

01:21:29.000 So obviously Satisfaction, right?

01:21:31.000 What year was that?

01:21:32.000 I wish they had the years.

01:21:35.000 Brown Sugar, sure.

01:21:37.000 Jumping Jack Flash.

01:21:38.000 Yep.

01:21:38.000 Miss You.

01:21:39.000 Yep.

01:21:39.000 Paint it black.

01:21:40.000 Counts go you want.

01:21:41.000 It's only rock and roll.

01:21:42.000 I like it.

01:21:42.000 Tumbling Dice, maybe.

01:21:44.000 What's Loving Cup again?

01:21:47.000 Do you know that?

01:21:48.000 Paul Little Something Something from Beloving Cup.

01:21:53.000 Nope.

01:21:54.000 Yeah, it is.

01:21:55.000 I know, but that's a no.

01:21:57.000 It's not in the hit list.

01:21:58.000 Wild horses, yes.

01:22:00.000 Beast of Burden, yep.

01:22:01.000 I can't see the ones on the right.

01:22:04.000 Give me shelter.

01:22:06.000 Let's spend the night together.

01:22:07.000 She's a rainbow.

01:22:08.000 Can you hear me knocking?

01:22:09.000 Can you hear me knocking and give me shelter?

01:22:10.000 Are fucking huge.

01:22:11.000 Yep.

01:22:12.000 Sympathy for the devil is probably the best.

01:22:14.000 Yeah, that's a waiting on a friend.

01:22:16.000 The red door one.

01:22:19.000 Painted black.

01:22:20.000 Honky Tonk Woman.

01:22:22.000 Brown Sugar.

01:22:23.000 I haven't seen that on there.

01:22:26.000 Start Me Up.

01:22:27.000 Start Me Up as a singer.

01:22:29.000 Damn.

01:22:30.000 But I think you're going to find like maybe 15.

01:22:32.000 Sweet Virginia.

01:22:34.000 Over what?

01:22:35.000 60 years?

01:22:36.000 And it's going to start in probably 65.

01:22:39.000 But like half of them are going to stop at like 73.

01:22:43.000 Those first eight years were the majority of their hits.

01:22:47.000 And then there's some good songs.

01:22:49.000 And then...

01:22:51.000 Ryan, set me up with Rolling Stones hits with the year.

01:22:54.000 Okay.

01:22:55.000 That would be much easier.

01:22:56.000 Because I'm pretty confident about my take on the Stones.

01:23:02.000 Okay.

01:23:03.000 And if you listen to that one Rancid album, I know this is blasphemy to most of you people, but as far as the quality of the songs go, they're as good as those Rolling Stones hits.

01:23:15.000 They just didn't.

01:23:17.000 They weren't as popular.

01:23:19.000 And I was a snob when I was young.

01:23:27.000 And I ignored Ranted because I said they were fucking just a clash cover band.

01:23:33.000 And I deeply regret that now.

01:23:35.000 So wait, what year is that?

01:23:36.000 What does it say?

01:23:40.000 Okay, this is much more.

01:23:41.000 1966.

01:23:42.000 Finally, okay.

01:23:43.000 So 66.

01:23:45.000 That wasn't the first one, though, because this one's from 65, so it doesn't seem to be in order.

01:23:48.000 That's good, Saul.

01:23:49.000 Get off my cloud.

01:23:50.000 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

01:23:51.000 Honky Tonk Woman, are we counting that?

01:23:54.000 Yeah.

01:23:54.000 Okay, so 69, Honky Tonk.

01:23:57.000 And then we got Start Me Up.

01:23:59.000 That's inarguable, right?

01:24:02.000 The last time, what's that?

01:24:03.000 That's good, Saul.

01:24:05.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:24:06.000 Okay, that's a winner.

01:24:08.000 65, last time.

01:24:11.000 65, My Cloud.

01:24:15.000 Okay.

01:24:16.000 Nervous Breakdown is a winner.

01:24:18.000 That's 66.

01:24:21.000 See, it's not very long.

01:24:25.000 Rock in a hard place?

01:24:27.000 Absolutely not.

01:24:28.000 Emotional rescue?

01:24:32.000 That's a maybe.

01:24:35.000 What do we think about emotional rescue?

01:24:36.000 I don't even recognize that song.

01:24:37.000 No.

01:24:41.000 Boom, boom.

01:24:42.000 Why am I asking Ryan?

01:24:43.000 I'm not a huge fan of the stone, to be honest, but I love their.

01:24:46.000 I gotta admit they have hits, you know.

01:24:49.000 Okay.

01:24:49.000 Miss You, she was hot.

01:24:51.000 Nope.

01:24:51.000 What's Miss You again?

01:24:52.000 You just told me a second ago.

01:24:54.000 No, he said to one, fill up my cup.

01:24:56.000 It was Love and Cup.

01:24:57.000 Wait, sing it to me.

01:25:00.000 Give a little zip a drink from me loving cup.

01:25:04.000 No way.

01:25:05.000 I can't get no satisfaction, definitely.

01:25:07.000 Yep.

01:25:09.000 High wire?

01:25:10.000 That was in the 90s.

01:25:13.000 No fucking way.

01:25:15.000 So look at that.

01:25:16.000 Out of one, two, four.

01:25:20.000 Get a shelter.

01:25:21.000 Wait, where's shelter?

01:25:22.000 Wait, wait, pull it back up again here.

01:25:25.000 Time is on my side is a jam.

01:25:26.000 Wait, pull it back up.

01:25:27.000 Down to high wire, we got to.

01:25:30.000 Okay, so go back to high wire.

01:25:32.000 Mixed emotions is a no.

01:25:34.000 Time is my side.

01:25:35.000 I can't read anything, Ryan.

01:25:37.000 I could read it before.

01:25:38.000 Make me small.

01:25:40.000 Time is on my fide is 64.

01:25:42.000 You just said fied.

01:25:44.000 Time's on my fide.

01:25:46.000 You promised the audience that you would do that again.

01:25:48.000 68.

01:25:49.000 Jumping Jack Flash.

01:25:52.000 Angie is a winner.

01:25:53.000 Angie.

01:25:54.000 That's a great karaoke jam.

01:25:56.000 Brown sugar.

01:25:57.000 Tumbling dice can lick my nuts.

01:25:59.000 Brown sugar, 71.

01:26:01.000 Movie Tuesday, definitely.

01:26:02.000 Good.

01:26:03.000 Ruby Tuesday, absolutely.

01:26:04.000 Ruby Tuesday.

01:26:06.000 Look at these.

01:26:06.000 These are all late 60s.

01:26:08.000 Yeah.

01:26:09.000 So they're doing hit after hit after hit.

01:26:12.000 Spend the night together is 67.

01:26:20.000 We love you.

01:26:21.000 I hate that fucking song.

01:26:23.000 Undercover of the night is a maybe.

01:26:25.000 I'm going to put that up here.

01:26:26.000 Is that with Bowie?

01:26:28.000 Oh, that's Dancing in the Streets, you retard.

01:26:30.000 I don't know if that constant dance.

01:26:31.000 Undercover of the night.

01:26:36.000 With the gay dancing.

01:26:37.000 Harlem Shuffle is the worst.

01:26:39.000 It's a cover, but it's hell on earth.

01:26:42.000 As Tears Go By is a winner.

01:26:43.000 Oh, Little Red Rooster.

01:26:44.000 They made that?

01:26:45.000 Little Red Rooster.

01:26:48.000 That's not how it goes.

01:26:50.000 Kill yourself.

01:26:51.000 Have you seen your mother, baby?

01:26:53.000 Stand in the shadows?

01:26:54.000 That's a good one.

01:26:56.000 Mother, Saint of Me, Dandelion.

01:26:59.000 I want this to be over.

01:27:00.000 81, waiting on a friend.

01:27:02.000 Waiting on a friend.

01:27:06.000 Tell me you're coming back.

01:27:07.000 That's a good one, but nah.

01:27:08.000 Rock and roll, but I like it.

01:27:10.000 That's good.

01:27:11.000 Jesus, there's a lot of songs here.

01:27:13.000 She's a rainbow.

01:27:14.000 That's a winner.

01:27:18.000 I can't even remember what my original point was.

01:27:20.000 She's that they didn't have that many hits.

01:27:25.000 And they were spread out over 20 years.

01:27:28.000 Yeah, a lot of them are in the late 60s to the mid-80s.

01:27:32.000 But there's definitely, you know what?

01:27:33.000 There's a big comeback when they started doing lots of Coke.

01:27:36.000 So they had their initial surge, like 65 to 68 is, out of these songs, there's about 20 hits.

01:27:45.000 They're all from 65 to 68.

01:27:47.000 Then there's a couple in the 70s, but then a big rush in the 80s with Street Fighting Man, waiting on a friend, undercover of the night.

01:27:56.000 Wild Horses was 70s, so was Beast of Burden, late 70s.

01:28:00.000 Yeah, I mentioned that there was a few in the 70s.

01:28:03.000 Big ones.

01:28:07.000 Okay, so I guess that guy's right.

01:28:10.000 And Tim Armstrong had a bunch of pretty good songs, but they were from 1990 to 2005.

01:28:20.000 15 years.

01:28:22.000 15 years.

01:28:23.000 And these guys are pretty non-stop hits for 64, 74, 84.

01:28:29.000 Up to 86.

01:28:30.000 74, 84, 25 years.

01:28:36.000 Very tall, yeah.

01:28:38.000 Rolling Stones are officially better than Rancid.

01:28:42.000 You heard it here, folks.

01:28:43.000 But I guess, I don't want to completely flush my point down the toilet.

01:28:46.000 My point is that someone like Tim Armstrong is never seen as someone like Mick Jagger and Keith Richards, but they're comparable.

01:28:54.000 I mean, 15 years with...

01:28:56.000 Listen to Rancid, their first album, and listen to Operation Ivy.

01:29:00.000 It's fucking hit after hit.

01:29:05.000 We got Scott on the line.

01:29:08.000 Go ahead there, Scott.

01:29:11.000 People fuck babies, Gavin.

01:29:16.000 What was that again?

01:29:17.000 Dogs have nice.

01:29:18.000 People fuck babies, Gavin.

01:29:20.000 Hell yeah.

01:29:20.000 Seth Goldfarp said that to me in 2000.

01:29:25.000 I said to him, I want to do a photo shoot of babies in lingerie.

01:29:29.000 And I go, it's not pedophilia because it's babies.

01:29:31.000 No one fucks babies.

01:29:32.000 It's gross to sexualize like a four-year-old, five-year-old, but a baby, it's funny.

01:29:39.000 And he goes, it's not funny.

01:29:40.000 And I go, you don't see my joke?

01:29:41.000 And he goes, people fuck babies, Gavin.

01:29:47.000 That's not the funniest thing he ever said.

01:29:48.000 He was doing an argument once that gays are more duplicitous and lie more than straights because they grow up hiding who they are and they get good at lying.

01:29:59.000 And the way he explained the whole story was he sits me down in a chair and he goes, okay, you start at the beginning, all right?

01:30:06.000 You take a fag baby.

01:30:10.000 He had an invisible baby in his hands.

01:30:13.000 You take a fag baby, okay?

01:30:16.000 I have not laughed that hard in my life.

01:30:20.000 What was the one where the dogs have knives?

01:30:22.000 Me and my brother were in Toronto with a bunch of proud boys, and they found out that we were there, and all these weak, overeducated, boring, liberal cunts, mostly women, were all pissed off.

01:30:36.000 And it's men with fucking spaghetti arms and these ugly lesbians and these dumb liberal arts students seething in a corner like too scared to say anything.

01:30:45.000 And this one woman, who was a little chubby, was just staring at me like...

01:30:50.000 And I said, it's funny, you know, if there was a guy staring at me, no matter who he was, really, because he could be a psycho with a knife, you'd be Like, I got to watch my fucking back here.

01:31:02.000 Make sure I always keep my head in a swivel, be careful when I go to the bathroom, be ready for action.

01:31:06.000 But when it's a woman, I'm just like, I'll put my back to her, I don't care.

01:31:10.000 And some guy over her does, and he goes, What do you mean?

01:31:16.000 I go, Well, she's not gonna have a knife.

01:31:17.000 Like, she doesn't have, she's not doing anything.

01:31:20.000 And he goes, She could have a knife.

01:31:22.000 And then I go, Yeah, yeah, everyone could have a knife.

01:31:25.000 An old black lady, a baby man, woman.

01:31:29.000 Everyone's the same.

01:31:30.000 Everyone could stab me at any moment.

01:31:32.000 There's no such thing as different risk management.

01:31:36.000 A fucking guy in the middle of the night in an alleyway or a lady getting her eggs at the grocery store.

01:31:41.000 Everyone could have a knife.

01:31:42.000 And then my brother gets involved and he goes, you know, a dog could have a knife.

01:31:45.000 What if a dog has a knife?

01:31:47.000 And the guy fucking snaps and he starts going, dogs don't have knives!

01:31:51.000 Dogs don't have knives!

01:31:53.000 Pounding the bar so hard that our pints were like doing the dance.

01:31:57.000 They were at some mod revival festival in London, England.

01:32:02.000 And the bartender was like, you got to get the fuck out of here, man.

01:32:04.000 You're making people crazy.

01:32:06.000 So we ended up going to a black bar.

01:32:08.000 No one knew who we were.

01:32:09.000 Yeah.

01:32:10.000 And he had the irrational outburst.

01:32:12.000 Yeah.

01:32:12.000 Well, the whole bar was ready to have an emotional outburst.

01:32:17.000 Sorry, what's your question?

01:32:19.000 I wanted to ask if you watched the Norm McDonald special.

01:32:22.000 Oh.

01:32:23.000 Norm McDonald has a secret?

01:32:25.000 Has a special.

01:32:26.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:32:27.000 Yeah.

01:32:27.000 I forgot the drug.

01:32:28.000 Oh, the special.

01:32:30.000 Called Nothing Special.

01:32:31.000 That's where he's just sitting in his basement, like doing a podcast, basically?

01:32:36.000 Yeah, kind of like what you do.

01:32:38.000 Yeah.

01:32:39.000 I only saw one part, and it really sucked.

01:32:43.000 He was talking about how the seats on planes are flotation devices, but he's used the word boats.

01:32:50.000 And I don't know, the delivery was awkward and it seemed kind of cringe, but maybe the rest of it is good.

01:32:58.000 I just love his type of jokes where he goes, he just says something completely random.

01:33:04.000 He was talking about guilty pleasures, and he's like, my guilty pleasure is finding old people and shooting them in the leg.

01:33:13.000 Anyway, thanks for calling.

01:33:15.000 All right.

01:33:16.000 Stop saying that!

01:33:18.000 That's my thing.

01:33:19.000 I say that!

01:33:22.000 The baby monsters disagree.

01:33:25.000 The baby monsters, they disagree.

01:33:30.000 Bye-bye.

01:33:31.000 Home to mommy.

01:33:34.000 So this computer can broadcast Netflix legally.

01:33:38.000 Thank you.

01:33:39.000 This is fair use.

01:33:40.000 But the other computer cannot.

01:33:43.000 Should we just drop the need?

01:33:44.000 Sure, let's drop the need.

01:33:45.000 I love anything norm, so I'm probably going to be a sucker for it.

01:33:48.000 It looks pretty good for someone dying, doesn't he?

01:33:52.000 Oh, my God, that hurts.

01:33:55.000 Cancer?

01:33:56.000 I'm like, no, that's fine.

01:33:57.000 I've had my blood pressure about 5,000 times.

01:34:00.000 I can't hear it, Ryan.

01:34:01.000 I don't even know what it means.

01:34:03.000 They go, it's 150 over 60.

01:34:05.000 I go, is that good?

01:34:06.000 They go, I don't know.

01:34:07.000 It's all a blur.

01:34:09.000 I'm a doctor.

01:34:11.000 I'm going to be hitting your knee with a hammer now.

01:34:15.000 That's the oddest one to me of all time.

01:34:18.000 We haven't got past that.

01:34:20.000 That's like a cartoon from the 1950s.

01:34:23.000 Guy pulls out a hammer, hits your knee with it, and then you go, ah, my knee.

01:34:27.000 Oh, my God, that hurts.

01:34:29.000 And then the guy writes down, excellent.

01:34:32.000 Very good.

01:34:33.000 It's exactly how you should react when your knee is struck by a hammer.

01:34:40.000 That's not what happens.

01:34:41.000 Sometimes doctors.

01:34:42.000 Are you hovering the mouse?

01:34:45.000 Like one time I remember I was real tired.

01:34:47.000 I had this thing.

01:34:48.000 I didn't know what it was.

01:34:49.000 So I went in and I said, hey, Doc, I got this thing, man.

01:34:51.000 I'm real tired.

01:34:52.000 He goes, sounds like chronic fatigue syndrome to me.

01:34:55.000 I said, really?

01:34:55.000 What's that?

01:34:56.000 He says, well, chronic means always.

01:34:59.000 And fatigue means tired.

01:35:03.000 And syndrome, that means something you got.

01:35:09.000 Anyway.

01:35:10.000 You can pay Agnes 80 bucks on the way out.

01:35:15.000 Who knows what these doctors mean with their medical gobbledygook?

01:35:20.000 A guy told me yesterday, the doc, he said, I'm now more virus than host.

01:35:25.000 What does that even mean?

01:35:27.000 Ah, who knows?

01:35:28.000 So does he address his disease in there?

01:35:32.000 I don't know.

01:35:33.000 Like, is it a thing that you're talking about?

01:35:33.000 How do we get used to it?

01:35:34.000 Like that Michael Keaton, the iambic pentameter of Shakespeare you get used to after a few pages.

01:35:39.000 But just obviously diving in there without any laughter and someone talking on a podcast like that with setups, it just seems jarring.

01:35:47.000 Well, maybe I got to get used to it.

01:35:48.000 But what he's always had on his side, what was it, like these long, like basically like long form, like, you know, stories and things like that.

01:35:55.000 And I never forget, like on Conan O'Brien.

01:35:58.000 By the way, you know that Tim Poole is one of these Conan O'Brien fan guys.

01:36:01.000 Ew.

01:36:03.000 I'm guessing.

01:36:03.000 Like a Ben Ratner, like super fan Conan guys?

01:36:06.000 I think he's one of them.

01:36:08.000 That's my hot take.

01:36:09.000 Don't ever talk like yourself with a Tim Pool face ever again.

01:36:13.000 Is it that different?

01:36:15.000 This is me with.

01:36:16.000 This is me without.

01:36:19.000 You're both half rice.

01:36:21.000 Dude, that's.

01:36:22.000 Same guy.

01:36:24.000 You're the same guy.

01:36:26.000 Okay, let's do another letter.

01:36:28.000 Okay.

01:36:30.000 All right.

01:36:34.000 We have, hey, and sorry for another email.

01:36:36.000 This is by Peter.

01:36:38.000 But you flagged it, so it's got to be good here.

01:36:40.000 And sorry for another email about a great band from Scandinavia.

01:36:42.000 This time it's Turbo Negro from Norway.

01:36:44.000 Don't you know Turbo Negro?

01:36:46.000 Of course.

01:36:46.000 Lead singer died a few months back due to a long time.

01:36:49.000 He invited me to put out one of their fucking records.

01:36:51.000 And one of the guys visited me recently.

01:36:54.000 He did a documentary about me.

01:36:56.000 I guess it's in Finnish or something, or Norwegian.

01:36:59.000 Oh, I met that guy, didn't I?

01:37:00.000 Yeah.

01:37:00.000 Oh, shit.

01:37:01.000 Who?

01:37:02.000 Big lefty, so I'm sure it didn't end up being good, but he seemed all right.

01:37:05.000 Yeah.

01:37:05.000 But yeah, they pretended to be fags.

01:37:07.000 Johnny Knoxville was obsessed with them.

01:37:10.000 Anyway, I'm so old now that people are telling me about things like the replacements and Nick Cave and all these bands I grew up with, Hoosker Dew.

01:37:21.000 They said they invented death punk.

01:37:23.000 Much like me.

01:37:24.000 Whatever the fuck that means.

01:37:26.000 Got another one.

01:37:27.000 Hey, Gavin Orion.

01:37:29.000 I've been learning about symbolism through Orthodox Christianity.

01:37:31.000 Talk to show yourself or like the rad zone when you're reading letters.

01:37:35.000 Show the rad zone.

01:37:36.000 What do you think about monarchy?

01:37:42.000 What do you think about monarchy?

01:37:44.000 This is about Orthodox Christianity.

01:37:46.000 I realize it's archaic, but can you think of anything that would fly, unfly the tribes of people who are black and people who are white in an arranged community marriage?

01:37:54.000 If we had a black and white royalty and we took a white princess and they married her to a black prince, I think it would do more to reunify the tribes than anything.

01:38:02.000 The sacrifices both of them to create a holy union and would be symbolically powerful in a way that nothing else is.

01:38:10.000 I realize this is far-fetched and I realize it requires a unifying religious framework.

01:38:13.000 Would there be anything more powerful?

01:38:15.000 Feminists go on about these sorts of marriages and they're oppressive, but it's not like the guy got the girl he would choose and two, it means your pussy would be powerful enough to stop war and bloodshed.

01:38:26.000 I'd say the sacrifice these two people will be more powerful than any great warrior or writer.

01:38:31.000 It exists today.

01:38:32.000 In what sense?

01:38:34.000 A monarchy.

01:38:35.000 Right.

01:38:37.000 But this guy's suggesting an American monarchy where we have, I guess, two monarchies within America.

01:38:43.000 There's a black king, queen, prince, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

01:38:47.000 And then there's a white king.

01:38:48.000 So we have to establish that first in his made-up fucking hypothetical.

01:38:52.000 And then, just like, you know, you had the German monarchy marrying into the Scottish monarchy, marrying into the English monarchy to keep the peace in Europe.

01:39:01.000 So he wants to bring that to America.

01:39:04.000 And so we'll set up a black monarchy.

01:39:06.000 We'll have a black king of black America.

01:39:08.000 First, wait, first we have to completely segregate the country into a black America and a white America.

01:39:15.000 Then we have to, I guess, maintain the government to a certain extent, but really replace it with a black monarchy and a white monarchy.

01:39:23.000 And then we'll take the princess of whitedom and the prince of blackness, Ozzy Osborne, I guess.

01:39:32.000 Oh, no, that's the prince of darkness.

01:39:34.000 And then we'll marry them in order to keep the peace between blacks and whites.

01:39:40.000 In a country that's founded by fleeing a monarchy.

01:39:43.000 Yeah, well, that's one of the problems.

01:39:46.000 I think that's a great idea.

01:39:47.000 I think we should definitely do that.

01:39:49.000 I think the timeframe we should be looking at is about 10,000 years.

01:39:53.000 Harvard started it already.

01:39:55.000 Oh, yeah.

01:39:56.000 Harvard's got their graduations.

01:39:58.000 Right.

01:39:58.000 So we're getting more voluntarily segregated.

01:40:00.000 So we're on our way there into two separate Americas, black and white.

01:40:03.000 Although it seems more ideological than racial, but there's divisions within divisions within division.

01:40:10.000 But this is the problem with academics, like kids in school.

01:40:14.000 Did that get protested at all?

01:40:16.000 What?

01:40:16.000 The segregated graduations?

01:40:19.000 No, it's awesome.

01:40:21.000 If you protest it, then you don't want blacks to have their own space.

01:40:24.000 Aren't there laws against that?

01:40:26.000 Dude, did you see the latest one?

01:40:28.000 I was going to talk about it today.

01:40:30.000 I mean, on tomorrow's show.

01:40:33.000 Different scores.

01:40:37.000 Yeah.

01:40:38.000 So, okay, go to 56.

01:40:40.000 A little sneak peek on tomorrow's show, or we'll just cover it now.

01:40:43.000 So they abandon meritocracy, and guess what happens?

01:40:47.000 The scores plummet.

01:40:50.000 Elite San Francisco schools see spike in Ds and F's after dropping merit-based admissions.

01:40:55.000 San Francisco's elite Lowell High School.

01:40:57.000 Uh-oh.

01:40:59.000 Okay.

01:41:00.000 That sounds helpful to me.

01:41:01.000 That's not a bad thing.

01:41:02.000 Okay.

01:41:03.000 Okay.

01:41:03.000 All right.

01:41:04.000 I don't like any of that.

01:41:05.000 Anyway, the high school says we're not merit-based anymore.

01:41:08.000 We want to be more diverse.

01:41:09.000 And instantly, the scores start sucking.

01:41:11.000 Blacks and Hispanics are doing much worse than Asians and whites.

01:41:16.000 I don't know why.

01:41:17.000 It's just a thing.

01:41:19.000 So this is happening all over academia.

01:41:22.000 The more they abandon advanced classes and merit-based education, the more we start seeing blacks and Hispanics suffering.

01:41:31.000 So is the solution to go back to meritocracy?

01:41:34.000 No.

01:41:35.000 The solution is to break the law.

01:41:37.000 And if you go to 57, we have a teacher who's decided to base your testing and your scores on your race.

01:41:48.000 So if an Asian gets a 10 out of 10, it gets written down as a 6 out of 10.

01:41:54.000 If a Hispanic gets a 5 out of 10, it gets written down as a 6 out of 10.

01:41:59.000 If a black fails, it gets written down as a 6 out of 10.

01:42:03.000 And the white guy already had a 6 out of 10, so he's fine.

01:42:08.000 That is illegal.

01:42:10.000 To have laws based on race is against not just the American law.

01:42:16.000 It's against the Magna Carta.

01:42:17.000 It's against the Western world.

01:42:19.000 Yes.

01:42:20.000 The whole point of Western culture is we don't care what race you are, bust your ass and you're in.

01:42:27.000 Respect Christianity.

01:42:29.000 Work hard.

01:42:30.000 Have mobility.

01:42:31.000 Have grit.

01:42:32.000 Be honest.

01:42:33.000 You're in.

01:42:34.000 The bar just keeps getting lower and lower.

01:42:37.000 Dude, they do this at the FDNY.

01:42:39.000 They don't have to go through the smoke room.

01:42:40.000 Black people don't have to go through the smoke room because apparently they don't like it.

01:42:45.000 But how are they supposed to find somebody in a burning building?

01:42:50.000 They'll wait outside while the white guys do it.

01:42:52.000 All right.

01:42:55.000 Got calls.

01:42:57.000 One's about Johnny Depp.

01:43:01.000 Hello, Lou.

01:43:02.000 Go ahead, call her.

01:43:03.000 Hello.

01:43:04.000 Hi, is this the censored TV customer service line?

01:43:08.000 Yes, it is.

01:43:09.000 Are you having a trouble with the app?

01:43:11.000 I think this is the man shitter.

01:43:13.000 No, it's not a problem with the app, but I'm calling in because I ate some of Maddie's kitchen salsa verde, and it made me feel like a piece of shit.

01:43:26.000 That's the man shitter.

01:43:28.000 Oh, no.

01:43:30.000 And is that how you ended up in Johnny Depp's bed?

01:43:35.000 Look, that was great, wasn't it?

01:43:39.000 He made it out.

01:43:40.000 He paid me a lot of money, and he made it scot-free.

01:43:42.000 That bitch is done.

01:43:44.000 Her career's over, and she's known as Amber Turd forever.

01:43:48.000 I'm not even sure I believe she shat in the bed.

01:43:51.000 Oh, she's definitely shooting in the bed, yes.

01:43:54.000 I mean, it was me.

01:43:58.000 I'm not even sure she ewed In the bed.

01:44:00.000 There's also that story about.

01:44:02.000 Oh, yeah, at a baseball game, some black guy, a coach for the other team, was telling me that there was a story about swimming with Amber Heard at a pool.

01:44:11.000 It was Will Smith or something.

01:44:12.000 And she said, oh, look at that little brown fish.

01:44:14.000 And it was her shit.

01:44:16.000 Like, that just sounds like a lie.

01:44:17.000 No, she was talking about Will Smith.

01:44:20.000 Was that you?

01:44:22.000 Shitting in the pool is amateur.

01:44:23.000 Don't ever shit in the pool.

01:44:24.000 That's amateur shit.

01:44:25.000 Shit the fucking pool shit.

01:44:26.000 Yeah, that sounds some caddyshack shit.

01:44:30.000 I'm planning some other shit.

01:44:31.000 Some really high-level shit.

01:44:33.000 Well, you better not fucking shit.

01:44:34.000 I want to do something.

01:44:35.000 It's called the ghost turd.

01:44:36.000 Have you ever heard about this shit?

01:44:37.000 No, is it not?

01:44:38.000 No, what's that when you sit on your telegram?

01:44:41.000 It's like when your friend's asleep and you pull their pants back and you take a shit in their underwear and when they wake up, they think it's them.

01:44:48.000 I have heard that.

01:44:48.000 That's a great idea.

01:44:49.000 That's quite a deep sleep.

01:44:50.000 Yeah.

01:44:51.000 Ember would do that on April 1st.

01:44:53.000 All right, thanks for calling.

01:44:58.000 We got a first-time caller here, 609.

01:45:03.000 Go ahead, 609.

01:45:07.000 Hey.

01:45:08.000 What's going on?

01:45:10.000 Hey, not too much.

01:45:13.000 I wanted to ask you about my girlfriend's attitude toward marriage.

01:45:19.000 She's a lot younger than me.

01:45:20.000 I'm 29.

01:45:21.000 She's 22.

01:45:24.000 And she's great, but she's got this really juvenile viewpoint where, like, marriage is just a piece of paper.

01:45:32.000 And it doesn't really mean anything.

01:45:34.000 And, you know, I'm going to keep my last name.

01:45:38.000 And I want a house in my name.

01:45:40.000 And this, and it just obviously seems like she's trying to leave herself an out.

01:45:47.000 Like, she just.

01:45:48.000 How long have you guys been together for?

01:45:50.000 Seven months.

01:45:54.000 And she's not the one to get her.

01:45:55.000 So my question is, well, I mean, I like her, and I think I'm not trying to get married right now, but I think it's worth talking about and considering.

01:46:05.000 And my question is, like, is this something you think she might mature out of?

01:46:11.000 Yes, I think so.

01:46:12.000 Eventually.

01:46:12.000 You know, when I met my wife, I can't remember if I want to get married, but I didn't want kids.

01:46:18.000 I was like, I know, I'm partying and I got stuff to do, and I don't want kids.

01:46:22.000 I don't think I said the world was overpopulated, but I might have.

01:46:25.000 And then she convinced me otherwise, and now I'm mad that we only had three and we waited so long.

01:46:31.000 So there's ways out of it.

01:46:33.000 I wouldn't be, seven months in, I wouldn't be too dogmatic about it.

01:46:36.000 But the thing I would say to these name people is, okay, hyphenated name.

01:46:42.000 You're Julia McInnes Riley.

01:46:46.000 Okay.

01:46:46.000 You meet someone else who is Kevin Donaldson Smith.

01:46:51.000 Now their kid is Edgar Julius Riley McInnes Donaldson.

01:46:59.000 Like, what the fuck?

01:47:01.000 And that's just one generation in.

01:47:03.000 So I don't understand how your system lasts more than one or two generations without someone's license plate going around in circles.

01:47:12.000 I mean, sorry, their driver's license, writing their name down the corner.

01:47:16.000 And they do that in Egypt.

01:47:18.000 Egypt keeps hyphening the names.

01:47:20.000 And on forms, they'll go down the fucking margin.

01:47:24.000 Or they do it in Thailand sometimes with these big, long, stupid names where they have to shrink the font on New York City taxicabs to get their retarded name in there.

01:47:35.000 It's just illogical.

01:47:37.000 I mean, we've come up with a system for a reason.

01:47:39.000 And by the way, oh, no, she's not talking about you taking her names.

01:47:43.000 I was going to say, if you take her name, you took her father's name, but that's not what's happening here.

01:47:46.000 She just doesn't want your name.

01:47:48.000 That's just retarded, lefty, fucking 22-year-old shit.

01:47:52.000 But I wouldn't put it past any of us to say something that dumb at 22.

01:47:59.000 I mean, that's really the peak of stupidity because you're like an adult and a teenager at the same time.

01:48:06.000 So I would stick it in there for a little bit and just smile and say, sure.

01:48:11.000 But when it comes down to it, fuck no.

01:48:17.000 How much time do you invest in that?

01:48:21.000 Right, I don't want to wait for a year or two.

01:48:24.000 If he puts five years in.

01:48:26.000 Oh, not five years.

01:48:27.000 No way.

01:48:27.000 No, we're talking about a year and a half.

01:48:30.000 Two years seems fucking long.

01:48:32.000 Maybe 31.

01:48:33.000 But if she's still doing bullshit at that age, like a year and a half in, it's time to stop.

01:48:40.000 And ideally, you marry a woman in a few months, but we're not living in that world anymore.

01:48:44.000 And if you push it on her too soon, she's going to say, I'm not ready, which happened to a friend of mine.

01:48:49.000 They flew to Ireland.

01:48:50.000 He proposed.

01:48:51.000 She was 22.

01:48:52.000 They had lived together for five years.

01:48:54.000 And so she was probably 25.

01:48:56.000 They moved in together at 20.

01:48:58.000 And she goes, I'm not ready.

01:49:00.000 And refused his engagement.

01:49:03.000 Bye-bye.

01:49:04.000 Keep feeling it out, but I would give her a little bit more.

01:49:08.000 You know, this isn't her religion.

01:49:10.000 It's just a dumb thing she believes.

01:49:11.000 And I think we all said that at one point, that it was a piece of paper.

01:49:16.000 Right, yeah.

01:49:17.000 I'm just trying to get her to see more clearly that it's more than that.

01:49:23.000 And the idea of committing publicly and not giving yourself that out of it.

01:49:33.000 It means that we're not fucking around anymore.

01:49:35.000 I can't tell you how many long-term relationships they just break off because they're not married.

01:49:40.000 They think of themselves as friends, really.

01:49:44.000 But when you've invited your parents, her parents, you don't throw it away.

01:49:48.000 And then when kids are involved, well, then you're really not throwing it away.

01:49:53.000 So marriage prevents splitting up, believe it or not.

01:49:58.000 I can get this from her mom because her mom's married three times and she's not, she doesn't really have a good example of a functional adopted.

01:50:08.000 My wife's parents are still together.

01:50:10.000 My parents are still together.

01:50:12.000 It's dangerous marrying the children of divorce, even though they're 50% of the population.

01:50:18.000 All right, thanks.

01:50:19.000 All right, hang in there, buddy.

01:50:20.000 Thanks for calling.

01:50:21.000 Thanks for calling, Monk.

01:50:24.000 I like that super chat.

01:50:25.000 Someone suggested a Chin Diesel.

01:50:28.000 A Chin Diesel mailbag.

01:50:31.000 Write that down, Ryan.

01:50:32.000 Chin Diesel.

01:50:33.000 That was from Jam, J-A-M.

01:50:36.000 You'd have to do a Vin Diesel with a slight Asian accent.

01:50:39.000 You'd have to still do Chin Diesel.

01:50:41.000 I mean, Vin Diesel.

01:50:43.000 Emotional.

01:50:45.000 Maybe it could just be me just going around the streets, like Vinning Pipeline, you know?

01:50:52.000 That's just Chinese.

01:50:53.000 How's that Vin Diesel?

01:50:55.000 Well, I would like Vin people by looking Asian too, so you're going around, man.

01:51:00.000 No, you've got to be like this, though.

01:51:02.000 Oh, and stuff.

01:51:04.000 And I'm doing it live.

01:51:06.000 Doing alive.

01:51:07.000 I can sound that way, ma'am.

01:51:09.000 But yeah, I could just sound like Vincent.

01:51:11.000 I'm basically my Asian face, ma'am.

01:51:15.000 You're just doing Chinese.

01:51:16.000 No, this is French Timpu.

01:51:20.000 Oh, French Timpu?

01:51:22.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, ma'am.

01:51:24.000 This is our French Timpu.

01:51:27.000 The Democrats, they are getting crazy, ma'am.

01:51:30.000 It's not.

01:51:31.000 Let's check out this article from Belsuit.

01:51:34.000 Okay.

01:51:34.000 It's trying.

01:51:35.000 I'm trying.

01:51:36.000 We're getting there.

01:51:37.000 What's that got to do with Asian Vin Diesel, though?

01:51:40.000 Letter nothing, ma'am.

01:51:41.000 You would get Diesel for that.

01:51:44.000 I get Vinniesel for that.

01:51:45.000 Hot golf, was that?

01:51:47.000 I'm starting to think Vin Diesel is not his real name.

01:51:50.000 No.

01:51:52.000 Can I get another.

01:51:54.000 Oh, yeah.

01:51:54.000 We got an email about a bachelor party speech.

01:52:00.000 It's a great question.

01:52:04.000 The challenge with a bachelor party speech is you got to try to stay sober for it.

01:52:08.000 So say no to shots.

01:52:10.000 Obviously, zero nose beers.

01:52:14.000 The key to everything with wedding is you make it about her.

01:52:20.000 You don't, and this goes for the groom too.

01:52:22.000 You're so thankful.

01:52:23.000 This is her day.

01:52:24.000 If she wants it to be a big affair with lots of people, fine.

01:52:28.000 If she doesn't want people there, fine.

01:52:31.000 It's her day.

01:52:32.000 So stop wanting it to be, stop wanting to have any say in it.

01:52:36.000 This is her fantasy.

01:52:36.000 She's been thinking about it since she was eight years old.

01:52:41.000 So, grooms, your speech should be about you.

01:52:44.000 I mean, about her, sorry, about marriage, about unity, about love, the bliss of matrimony.

01:52:51.000 We are as one now.

01:52:52.000 If you get sick, I get sick.

01:52:54.000 If you get sued, I get sued.

01:52:55.000 We are the same person.

01:52:57.000 And I'm so excited to start living.

01:53:00.000 This is not a new chapter.

01:53:02.000 This is the beginning of the book, that kind of stuff, right?

01:53:04.000 And you look so beautiful.

01:53:05.000 I'm so lucky.

01:53:06.000 And then throwing a joke like, I'm so glad you haven't renewed your prescription.

01:53:10.000 You clearly are one trip to Lenscrafters away from realizing what you've settled for.

01:53:16.000 So I don't want that to happen.

01:53:18.000 Don't put your contacts in.

01:53:22.000 And then with the bachelor's speech, wait, the best man speech.

01:53:26.000 Sorry.

01:53:27.000 Fuck, man.

01:53:28.000 I'm not taking any more of this mind juice.

01:53:30.000 Mind control.

01:53:34.000 The best man speech should start out with some ribbing of him, but nothing crazy like he shit the bed or he stole a prostitute's tit or one time he barfed in his mother's eyes.

01:53:46.000 Like nothing that intense, nothing embarrassing.

01:53:49.000 And mine, Derek Beckles, talked about how the first time we met, we went to go look for prostitutes.

01:53:56.000 Thanks, buddy.

01:53:57.000 No, we went to look at prostitutes because we were staying at an apartment where the prostitutes would pick up their Johns.

01:54:06.000 It's known as the track.

01:54:07.000 The track.

01:54:08.000 It's a fun thing to watch, to see them do their interactions and stuff.

01:54:12.000 We were looking at prostitutes.

01:54:14.000 You just said looking for prostitutes in front of my fucking father-in-law.

01:54:18.000 Thank you.

01:54:19.000 And future wife.

01:54:20.000 And wife.

01:54:20.000 Great one.

01:54:21.000 Like, she would know the truth, but he doesn't.

01:54:24.000 So not too embarrassing, but a few ribs, blah, blah, blah.

01:54:28.000 This joke, that joke.

01:54:29.000 He sucks at baseball, whatever.

01:54:31.000 And then after some gentle ribbing, you go, the same thing.

01:54:38.000 I can't believe he got her.

01:54:41.000 He's so lucky.

01:54:43.000 I hope she never realizes that she got him.

01:54:46.000 Blah, blah, blah.

01:54:46.000 They're going to be so happy together.

01:54:48.000 What a fantastic night.

01:54:50.000 You know what I did at David Cross's wedding?

01:54:52.000 I said, these two just click.

01:54:54.000 And, you know, with other couples, you go, I can see how they get along.

01:54:57.000 But with David and Amber, you think, you think, what took them so long?

01:55:04.000 Like, these two should have been together.

01:55:06.000 It's like Adam and Eve.

01:55:07.000 They were made to be together.

01:55:08.000 In fact, she's so perfect for him that I can't help but think, if, God forbid, David was in a plane crash with my wife, you know, after a normal period of grieving, who knows?

01:55:19.000 You know, Amber and I might end up.

01:55:21.000 I don't think that would go over well either.

01:55:22.000 No, it didn't go well.

01:55:23.000 No.

01:55:24.000 Amber took the mic and went to go, all right, that's enough, that's enough.

01:55:28.000 And then Blake Lively said, that is the most inappropriate speech I've ever heard at a wedding in my life.

01:55:34.000 So don't suggest fucking the bride.

01:55:37.000 That's not a good look.

01:55:38.000 Under any context.

01:55:40.000 But yeah, so you start out ribbing the dude, and then you compliment her, and you say how lucky he is, and blah, blah, blah.

01:55:49.000 What a catch.

01:55:51.000 I guess he's more ambitious than we thought.

01:55:53.000 We never knew he was so good at getting girls out of his league, that kind of stuff.

01:55:58.000 And then not too long, too.

01:56:00.000 This is like five or six minutes.

01:56:02.000 And don't read.

01:56:04.000 Don't have it.

01:56:05.000 You can write it down.

01:56:06.000 You can have point-form notes, but don't be looking down.

01:56:09.000 It's a very simple formula, right?

01:56:10.000 Ribbing the guy, but not too embarrassing.

01:56:13.000 He's so lucky.

01:56:14.000 And then a whole big together about this beautiful night and these wonderful people.

01:56:19.000 And we're so happy to be here.

01:56:20.000 And what a couple.

01:56:22.000 What a fantastic reminder of how lucky we all are to be alive and to be married and to whatever fucking the bliss of matrimony again, the cycle of life.

01:56:32.000 This is fantastic and beautiful.

01:56:34.000 And what a time to be alive.

01:56:36.000 Cheers to the beautiful bride.

01:56:38.000 Cheers to the couple.

01:56:39.000 And cheers to this fantastic evening.

01:56:41.000 Hurrah.

01:56:42.000 Hurrah.

01:56:43.000 I'm going to cry.

01:56:46.000 Cry for happy things.

01:56:48.000 I cry for happy things.

01:56:49.000 It was a $100 one that went by.

01:56:51.000 Yeah, we got to go back to that.

01:56:52.000 My dad.

01:56:54.000 The for sure signs of spotting a pedo I lived by with your new son.

01:56:59.000 What?

01:57:00.000 With your new one added.

01:57:01.000 The for sure signs of spotting a pedo I lived by with your new one added.

01:57:09.000 Fucking, are you drunk or do you hate the English language?

01:57:15.000 Look at that fucking sentence.

01:57:17.000 What a shit show.

01:57:19.000 Reading the rest, he's not good at reality.

01:57:22.000 Adult watches Little League World Series.

01:57:24.000 Adult with no kids who love Disneyland.

01:57:27.000 Uses the word kiddo.

01:57:28.000 Anyone named Ryan Katsu Rivera.

01:57:30.000 How dare you?

01:57:31.000 I don't watch Little League.

01:57:34.000 Disney's okay.

01:57:37.000 Adults with No Kids Who Love Disneyland.

01:57:39.000 I got a kid.

01:57:40.000 Yeah, I don't think it's all about you, Ryan.

01:57:42.000 It's a joke at the end of the bit.

01:57:44.000 It's mean.

01:57:45.000 Adult watches Little League World Series.

01:57:47.000 Yeah, I've never heard of that.

01:57:48.000 I never heard of an adult watching the Little League World Series.

01:57:51.000 That's insane.

01:57:52.000 I know single adults with no kids that...

01:57:54.000 There's a guy, a comedian, Tom Myers, and they think he coaches Little League with No Kid.

01:58:00.000 That's fucked up.

01:58:00.000 I wouldn't allow that.

01:58:01.000 That's weirdo.

01:58:02.000 He's a great comedian, though.

01:58:03.000 That's weirdo.

01:58:04.000 Yeah, that's not good.

01:58:06.000 Peter.

01:58:06.000 Plus, Little League is boring as shit.

01:58:11.000 Well, what is Little League?

01:58:13.000 Up to 12?

01:58:15.000 12, they get pretty good.

01:58:17.000 But, like, nine-year-olds playing baseball is torture.

01:58:21.000 This guy would like to propose a challenge.

01:58:25.000 The blindfold moment.

01:58:27.000 Why are you doing a live chat that's under $100 when we could be taking calls and reading emails?

01:58:32.000 Oh, hell, forgive me.

01:58:34.000 I thought that was in pounds, mate.

01:58:38.000 Still wouldn't be $100.

01:58:40.000 Jolly British.

01:58:41.000 Alright, we've got one more minute left.

01:58:43.000 Let's take one more call.

01:58:45.000 Alright.

01:58:46.000 Alrighty then.

01:58:47.000 916, you're on the line.

01:58:50.000 Go ahead, call her.

01:58:53.000 916.

01:58:54.000 Hello.

01:58:56.000 Oh, hey, this is Aldarium Media.

01:58:58.000 What's going on?

01:58:59.000 Uhuru.

01:59:00.000 Uhuru.

01:59:00.000 Oh, what's up?

01:59:02.000 So, the thing is, I was dating that chick.

01:59:05.000 I moved in with her, and she had a child on her own.

01:59:07.000 Her dad, his dad fucked off.

01:59:09.000 I took care of the son, you know, wrestling around with him, playing the dad.

01:59:13.000 Everything was great.

01:59:15.000 And then she turned out to be a crazy bitch.

01:59:17.000 I dumped her, she dumped me, moved back in and out all the time, on-off relationship, right?

01:59:22.000 And she called me, hey, let's make a baby.

01:59:25.000 And I was all in, right?

01:59:27.000 Came back to her.

01:59:28.000 See, that's another reason why you got to get married, dude.

01:59:32.000 Yeah, right.

01:59:34.000 But so here's the thing.

01:59:36.000 I listen all the time.

01:59:37.000 Yeah, let's make a baby.

01:59:38.000 That's great.

01:59:39.000 And then changed my mind.

01:59:42.000 Not going to do it.

01:59:43.000 Maybe in six years, but maybe not.

01:59:46.000 And I said, okay, fuck off.

01:59:48.000 Because she was lying to me, right?

01:59:50.000 So my question to you is, was that a mistake to leave her?

01:59:53.000 Maybe gave him some more time?

01:59:55.000 Or is she a stupid cunt or what?

01:59:59.000 She sounds like a stupid cunt and a nightmare.

02:00:01.000 But are you talking about the kid?

02:00:02.000 Was it wrong to bond with the kid?

02:00:06.000 What's that?

02:00:06.000 Are you asking me if it was wrong to play with the kid and bond with the kid?

02:00:10.000 Because it can be traumatizing for a young man to have a father figure appear and disappear and then be gone forever.

02:00:17.000 Oh, yeah.

02:00:18.000 Well, no, that's not my question, but you might be right.

02:00:21.000 That was kind of fucked up maybe, but I really, really, really tried.

02:00:24.000 But in the end, I mean, she was not very fun to be around.

02:00:29.000 She was mental.

02:00:30.000 But then she lured me back in to, hey, let's make a baby.

02:00:33.000 And I was in for it.

02:00:34.000 Then she changed her mind.

02:00:35.000 So she's also a lie.

02:00:38.000 She's lying, you know.

02:00:39.000 Yeah.

02:00:39.000 She would never change.

02:00:40.000 She's too sad.

02:00:41.000 Get the fuck away from her.

02:00:42.000 What were you thinking?

02:00:43.000 Are you retarded?

02:00:45.000 Is her pussy the greatest sex in the world?

02:00:48.000 Oh, her pussy is very...

02:00:50.000 Yeah.

02:00:50.000 I mean, my dick was mostly in control.

02:00:52.000 So he was the boss.

02:00:54.000 He was disagreeing with me, you know.

02:00:56.000 Yeah, tell your dick to fuck off.

02:00:58.000 He's an asshole.

02:01:00.000 Thanks for calling.

02:01:01.000 I'm part of growing up, right?

02:01:02.000 Yeah.

02:01:02.000 All right.

02:01:03.000 Uhuru.

02:01:04.000 Uhuru.

02:01:06.000 That's it for the show, folks.

02:01:07.000 Tomorrow's going to be a doozy.

02:01:08.000 You'll have enough JuML to last all weekend.

02:01:13.000 You can look at these live chats on your own time.

02:01:16.000 Is that all of them, Ryan?

02:01:18.000 There's 25, there's a 10, and there's a hundred.

02:01:22.000 Okay.

02:01:22.000 No, they're all done.

02:01:23.000 That was the chain.

02:01:24.000 Okay.

02:01:25.000 So, get fired.

02:01:26.000 Get in trouble.

02:01:27.000 Be brave.

02:01:28.000 And never stop fighting.

02:01:30.000 I told you to spend money elsewhere.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes

GOML LIVE #151 - THE ROLLING STONES VS. TIM ARMSTRONG

Summary

Transcript