Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - GOML LIVE #162

00:00:13.000 Live from New York.

00:00:15.000 It's Get Off My One with Kevin McGuinness.

00:01:12.000 That was Psychic TV starring Genesis P. Orange, one of the lifelong eccentrics of the modern world.

00:01:24.000 I mean, this guy has been a weirdo since before you were born.

00:01:28.000 And I respect that.

00:01:30.000 He commits to the bit.

00:01:33.000 It's interesting that this song goes, where were you?

00:01:36.000 Talking about where were you?

00:01:38.000 We were the originals.

00:01:39.000 And Gen X, my favorite band, has a song called, Where Were You in 75 when There Were No Gigs?

00:01:47.000 We were Jenman.

00:01:53.000 Maybe Billy Idol got it from Genesis P. Orange.

00:02:00.000 Hmm.

00:02:00.000 Because Genesis P. Orange started Generation X. What happened was the Sex Pistols were the sex band, meaning the clothing store, Sex, Malcolm McLaren's shop.

00:02:16.000 They not only had a clothing store, they had their own punk band, a rock band.

00:02:21.000 So the guys of Boy of London, who Genesis Peorge helped create, go, we want a band.

00:02:29.000 So Genesis goes, okay, what about Chelsea?

00:02:33.000 Because your store's in Chelsea.

00:02:36.000 And they go, great, let's get, who do you got?

00:02:37.000 And they got Billie Idol, they got a bunch of guys, and then they changed their name to Generation X. Created a band that might be as good as the Sex Pistols.

00:02:46.000 I don't know.

00:02:48.000 Turn this up, these guys.

00:02:50.000 They started to steal your glory.

00:02:54.000 They never even told your story.

00:03:00.000 This is all about Brian Jones.

00:03:01.000 Genesis thinks that Brian Jones was murdered.

00:03:05.000 Apparently he was trying to start a band with Jimmy Page and Jimi Hendrix.

00:03:12.000 And that's too much rock.

00:03:15.000 I don't know what...

00:03:16.000 The problem with these conspiracy theorists is what's the motive?

00:03:20.000 So Genesis is like too much rock.

00:03:24.000 I actually don't know what he thinks the motive is, but.

00:03:30.000 I sort of got into a rabbit hole with these guys because of this Nardwar interview that a baby monster sent.

00:03:39.000 1-3.

00:03:40.000 It's a really good interview.

00:03:41.000 It's really funny.

00:03:42.000 By the way, that guy's a fucking, whatever you think of him, you call him a decrepit tranny.

00:03:48.000 He's got faked hits.

00:03:49.000 He's a man.

00:03:51.000 He was doing trance before anyone even thought of it.

00:03:53.000 He got a bunch of plastic surgery to look like his wife, which has never been done.

00:03:58.000 That's pretty impressive.

00:04:01.000 The guy's 70.

00:04:03.000 He looks better than my dad.

00:04:06.000 Sorry.

00:04:07.000 Sorry, Jimmy McInnes.

00:04:09.000 But this lunatic mental patient must be doing something, right?

00:04:16.000 Anyway, it's weird.

00:04:18.000 Play some of that.

00:04:18.000 It's funny hearing Nardwar's accent.

00:04:20.000 Juxtables.

00:04:29.000 You know, he reminds me of Givo Shea, my friend from Crass who doesn't love me anymore because I'm Trump.

00:04:34.000 But they always have, like, all these old punks, all these old anarchists, all these old hippies, they have this whole thinking outside the box thing.

00:04:43.000 Where you're like, do you want me to pass you the salt?

00:04:46.000 Why pass anything?

00:04:48.000 Why not throw me the salt?

00:04:51.000 Everything has got to be weird.

00:04:54.000 Of Psychic TV and many other projects.

00:04:57.000 And Jen, who did you?

00:04:58.000 Why speak into the microphone?

00:05:00.000 Why not speak outside of the microphone?

00:05:02.000 Good question, really.

00:05:05.000 What is a question then?

00:05:07.000 It's Edley O'Dowd.

00:05:09.000 That's Edley O'Dowd.

00:05:10.000 That's me.

00:05:11.000 Welcome to Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada.

00:05:15.000 Thank you.

00:05:16.000 Right off the bat, Genesis, I have a gift for you.

00:05:21.000 Brian, come back, you are forgiven.

00:05:25.000 Bastard.

00:05:27.000 Anyway, call me a bastard.

00:05:28.000 You guys.

00:05:29.000 You can look that up on your own.

00:05:30.000 Silk City Hot Sauce is sponsoring the show.

00:05:33.000 Guys, we are already sold out of the G-Sauce in two weeks.

00:05:36.000 I got to say, we get a lot of product reviews.

00:05:39.000 People seem happy with the things we promote.

00:05:42.000 But nothing like this Silk City hot sauce.

00:05:45.000 People are fucking tripping over themselves to ingest it.

00:05:50.000 My limited 500 bottle rum with Silk City is gone, but we're announcing five new sauces in the next two weeks.

00:05:56.000 We're going to have Sauce One, G-Spot.

00:05:58.000 G-Spot is hot.

00:05:59.000 That's the one we just sold.

00:06:00.000 We're going to reproduce that.

00:06:02.000 Sauce two, It Ain't Easy B ⁇ G.

00:06:05.000 It's going to be a little sweeter.

00:06:06.000 Great for chicken and brisket tacos.

00:06:08.000 500 bottles.

00:06:09.000 Sauce three, Ghost.

00:06:12.000 Ghost is bad news, guys.

00:06:16.000 Listeners can submit logo artwork for our ghost sauce made with ghost peppers.

00:06:20.000 It's a very wild ride, very dangerous.

00:06:24.000 The winner will receive a gift box from the Censor.tv team.

00:06:27.000 This is our Halloween sauce.

00:06:28.000 Get in the Halloween spirit and Make some artwork.

00:06:31.000 Sauce four, of course, is Ryan getting his own sauce, which I call Ryan Jizz.

00:06:35.000 I thought that would be a fun name for it.

00:06:37.000 That would be cool.

00:06:37.000 And just like that Kiss comic book.

00:06:39.000 Remember that?

00:06:40.000 They all put a little bit of their blood inside of the red ink.

00:06:42.000 Right, you should put a bit of jizz in there.

00:06:43.000 Just like you put a little tiny bit of jizz in your wife every year and a half.

00:06:47.000 Just about.

00:06:48.000 Maddie's getting his own sauce, 500 bottles.

00:06:51.000 That's called Don't Joke About Maddie or He'll Kill You.

00:06:55.000 Chime in with what flavors you want to taste.

00:06:56.000 We're all open to suggestions.

00:06:58.000 Guys, thanks for supporting.

00:06:59.000 SilkCityHotSauce.com.

00:07:03.000 Promo code Gavin gets you 15% off every order.

00:07:07.000 That includes our signature sauces.

00:07:09.000 I'm kind of surprised what a hit this was.

00:07:11.000 Yeah.

00:07:11.000 You know what Maddie's can be?

00:07:13.000 Your throat here.

00:07:14.000 You know, he's got that tattoo.

00:07:15.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:07:16.000 That's a great idea.

00:07:16.000 But it's in like hell.

00:07:18.000 It's like your throat here.

00:07:19.000 Yeah.

00:07:19.000 It's going to hurt your throat.

00:07:20.000 I'm not going to kill you, but it's going to hurt your throat.

00:07:23.000 These are collector items.

00:07:24.000 Let us know what sauce you like best.

00:07:25.000 We'll make it more of it for you.

00:07:26.000 Promo code Gavin, 15% off every order.

00:07:29.000 Silkyhotsauce.com, promo code Gavin, gets you 15% off every order.

00:07:34.000 Guys, I want to say, much to my chagrin, because I asked you to send me high-vis tees and you sent me fucking dozens.

00:07:44.000 So now I'm looking at a thousand dollar bill.

00:07:46.000 But we finally got our high-vis teas.

00:07:49.000 They look sick.

00:07:51.000 And you know what I love about wearing these?

00:07:54.000 No one knows that I'm wearing my own shirt.

00:07:56.000 Right.

00:07:58.000 So there's the front.

00:08:00.000 Here's the back.

00:08:01.000 La fronta.

00:08:03.000 G-O-M-L Lawn Care.

00:08:06.000 Real phone number.

00:08:08.000 You have a mouse on your head for some reason.

00:08:10.000 I'm not sure why that is.

00:08:11.000 Me and my wife were trying to figure that out.

00:08:12.000 I was like, either it's because I have like a rat's nest on my head, some would say, or it's like a ratatouille thing where I could only be smart enough to mow a lawn if there was a rat controlling me in a Disney-esque fashion.

00:08:24.000 That's way too ambitious.

00:08:27.000 I know.

00:08:27.000 Let me text the guy who made the shirt.

00:08:30.000 I'm smart enough to think of that.

00:08:32.000 No, because that's a retarded theory.

00:08:34.000 Wait, okay.

00:08:35.000 Well, here, let's call it.

00:08:37.000 I'm trying to get this yellow match.

00:08:39.000 That's really fucking hard.

00:08:44.000 Here, this is what it actually looks like, guys.

00:08:47.000 No, no, no.

00:08:48.000 It doesn't look like that.

00:08:49.000 That's the yellow.

00:08:50.000 Just the orange.

00:08:51.000 Hey, man, you're on the show.

00:08:53.000 Don't say your name or your home address or your pin.

00:08:56.000 Oh, yeah.

00:08:58.000 What's up, guys?

00:08:59.000 Hey, we got the shirts.

00:09:00.000 We're fucking thrilled.

00:09:01.000 They look beautiful.

00:09:03.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:09:03.000 The orange ones, yeah.

00:09:06.000 Why is there a mouse in Ryan's hair?

00:09:10.000 So the, I, because, because you always make fun of him and how he watches cartoons.

00:09:15.000 Uh-huh.

00:09:15.000 So my thought process was their whole ratatouille thing.

00:09:18.000 Yes.

00:09:19.000 Like the one.

00:09:20.000 Yeah, I knew it.

00:09:22.000 He's controlling them, you know what I mean?

00:09:24.000 Okay, so that was his theory, and I just told him that's fucking idiotic.

00:09:28.000 Oh.

00:09:30.000 Yeah.

00:09:31.000 It's still idiotic.

00:09:32.000 Because that was my thought process, too, with his lawnmower.

00:09:36.000 It's like a toy lawnmower.

00:09:37.000 That's why it's all chunky and stuff like that.

00:09:39.000 Oh.

00:09:40.000 This is too stupid to mow a lawn.

00:09:43.000 Well, so he needs a rat in his hair telling him not to do it.

00:09:47.000 And his grass, you'll see it's pushed down.

00:09:48.000 It's not cut.

00:09:49.000 It's just like his grass is like anything kind of retarded.

00:09:53.000 I was thinking of like, what's like the dumbest thing that somebody could do is like using a toy lawn more on real grass.

00:10:00.000 I have a mouse that's controlling them.

00:10:01.000 I have a flat tire as well.

00:10:03.000 I don't know how one of those flat.

00:10:05.000 You know, you Mexicans got a lot of balls making fun of the Japanese.

00:10:09.000 Oh, yeah, man.

00:10:11.000 We hate all races, especially Chinese and blacks.

00:10:15.000 All right.

00:10:15.000 Thanks.

00:10:16.000 Based.

00:10:18.000 That guy sucks, man.

00:10:19.000 I hate him.

00:10:20.000 What the fuck?

00:10:22.000 He seems pretty cool to me.

00:10:23.000 Oh, yeah.

00:10:25.000 Racist is gross.

00:10:26.000 Yes.

00:10:26.000 We don't like that.

00:10:27.000 Humiliated you.

00:10:29.000 He tried.

00:10:30.000 So we're going to find out what his phone number is and cancel his.

00:10:32.000 He just called him.

00:10:33.000 We're going to cancel his prescription.

00:10:35.000 Okay.

00:10:35.000 Well, that's okay.

00:10:38.000 In other news, great news.

00:10:40.000 The Turgid Tattletale, Brian Stettler has been fired for being annoying.

00:10:45.000 Yes.

00:10:47.000 That makes me feel good.

00:10:49.000 You like to see your enemies fail.

00:10:52.000 I got a bunch of clips on that.

00:10:57.000 Maybe start with one of them.

00:11:00.000 You know what I realized about my hair recently?

00:11:03.000 It's cultural appropriation.

00:11:05.000 I have a Jufro.

00:11:06.000 I have a Scottish Jufro.

00:11:09.000 I wear black woman's perm cream, and I get this gorgeous locks with this brilliant sheen.

00:11:18.000 I'm appropriating black culture.

00:11:21.000 I'm like Beyonce in reverse.

00:11:23.000 But aren't they appropriating white culture by making their hair straight anyway?

00:11:28.000 Well, white culture has always had brill cream.

00:11:32.000 So they just have like the best brill cream in the universe.

00:11:37.000 So let's show this.

00:11:38.000 He's gone.

00:11:39.000 Sorry, your ratings suck.

00:11:40.000 Look at his fucking face.

00:11:43.000 Look at this guy's face.

00:11:46.000 Look at his face.

00:11:48.000 What is that?

00:11:49.000 What is that thing?

00:11:51.000 That is the best argument for abortion I've ever seen.

00:11:54.000 It's a weird beaver egg.

00:11:58.000 He's a beaver egg.

00:12:01.000 One time, back when I was on Twitter, I said, it's so weird to go through my feed and see this weird, disgusting little man saying his opinions, and he's in my hand.

00:12:11.000 And then he banned me immediately.

00:12:14.000 Look at him.

00:12:15.000 It's Brian Stelter.

00:12:16.000 There it is.

00:12:17.000 Oh, my God.

00:12:18.000 I mean, that is a horror movie cover.

00:12:21.000 Seriously, he is scarier looking than it the clown.

00:12:23.000 I mean, would you let your children anywhere near that psychopath?

00:12:27.000 I mean, that is a psychopath right there.

00:12:30.000 I mean, look at him.

00:12:32.000 God.

00:12:32.000 He goes on.

00:12:33.000 Oh, I mean, it's just, it cries out, danger, danger.

00:12:37.000 Alert, alert.

00:12:38.000 I am a scumbag.

00:12:40.000 I am filth.

00:12:41.000 I am your enemy.

00:12:43.000 So he treads like lightly now after this whole like defamation thing, but he comes really close to saying that basically he's like, you don't trust him around your kids.

00:12:53.000 But he backed away from Dan.

00:12:54.000 Don't trust him around my kids.

00:12:55.000 Would you?

00:12:55.000 Allegedly, I wouldn't.

00:12:56.000 Would you let Daphne be babysat by Brian Stelter?

00:13:00.000 Allegedly, I wouldn't even have her in the same room as Steltler, allegedly.

00:13:04.000 Someone reminded me of this while talking about him, where he talked about how the pandemic got so bad he cried.

00:13:10.000 He crawled into bed and cried.

00:13:13.000 If I crawled into bed.

00:13:15.000 Yeah, there it is.

00:13:15.000 You got the right link.

00:13:17.000 CNN's Brian Stelter crawled in bed and cried over coronavirus.

00:13:22.000 Whose bed?

00:13:23.000 Derek's?

00:13:24.000 Yeah, your own bed?

00:13:26.000 Imagine you crawled into bed and cried.

00:13:29.000 You'd be like, did your mom die?

00:13:31.000 No, worse.

00:13:33.000 Oh, you're, you've, you've got prostate cancer?

00:13:36.000 No, way worse.

00:13:39.000 I have a pretty good imagination, but I'm kind of stumped right now.

00:13:43.000 People are having to wear masks and stay at home due to a made-up pandemic.

00:13:47.000 A pandemic.

00:13:49.000 Oh, okay.

00:13:50.000 Well, that's not your problem, you fucking turgid pussy.

00:13:56.000 He's right, guys.

00:13:59.000 Look at his red socks.

00:14:01.000 This is what he will be remembered for this.

00:14:04.000 Maybe I am a Yankees fan because I hate his red socks.

00:14:07.000 Okay, I mean, frankly, freely, if you look at it.

00:14:12.000 Okay.

00:14:13.000 Very cool.

00:14:13.000 We love it, Will.

00:14:14.000 So that guy fucked up.

00:14:17.000 And then Stelter showed this.

00:14:21.000 Two minutes notice, talking with Wolf Blitzer about Trump's Twitter account being banned.

00:14:25.000 Me, me, me.

00:14:27.000 So much of this shit is megalomania, too.

00:14:29.000 Very cool.

00:14:29.000 We love it, Will.

00:14:30.000 Not just leftist politics or CNN, but trans shit.

00:14:34.000 Every time you really analyze the left, you get hit with this tsunami of self-indulgence and megalomania.

00:14:40.000 By the way, men in red socks is like kinky.

00:14:45.000 Very cool.

00:14:46.000 You know what I mean?

00:14:47.000 Like our socks should be black for suits.

00:14:50.000 I've got a little secret.

00:14:51.000 Gray.

00:14:51.000 Wait, you have tons of red socks?

00:14:53.000 You're wearing them now?

00:14:55.000 No, that's like a little...

00:14:56.000 Oh, I got a little secret.

00:14:57.000 It's like a weird sexy thing.

00:14:58.000 Like, if my wife wore red socks, I'd probably rape her in the hallway.

00:15:04.000 Because I'd be so horny because it's kind of weird.

00:15:07.000 You know?

00:15:09.000 But a man wearing red socks, it's very sexual.

00:15:14.000 It's very unusually sexual.

00:15:17.000 What are you doing, Ryan?

00:15:20.000 You sound like you're taking off some socks and throwing them away.

00:15:30.000 Is that Brian Stettler?

00:15:32.000 It's supposed to be.

00:15:35.000 You sound like a chick.

00:15:36.000 No, this is how Brian Stettler talks.

00:15:38.000 Listen.

00:15:39.000 This was me live on CNN with just two minutes' notice talking with Wolf Blitzer about Trump's Twitter account being banned.

00:15:47.000 You remind me of publicity.

00:15:50.000 Let's follow his career according to Carpe Donctum from day one.

00:15:55.000 It's been quite a trajectory.

00:15:58.000 Go!

00:16:00.000 Make it bigger.

00:16:11.000 My brain!

00:16:12.000 I'm going into my brain!

00:16:24.000 Ludicrous speed!

00:16:26.000 Go!

00:16:29.000 Here's something crazy.

00:16:31.000 I'm not an atheist.

00:16:33.000 I'm a Catholic.

00:16:34.000 I believe in God.

00:16:35.000 I think it's inarguable, but I'm happy to argue it.

00:16:38.000 But I saw Sam Harris.

00:16:40.000 I read his book, The End of Faith.

00:16:42.000 Really good book.

00:16:43.000 Fascinating read.

00:16:44.000 He's a great writer.

00:16:47.000 I like that he dared to attack Islam more than any other religion.

00:16:52.000 But I can hang out with atheists.

00:16:55.000 I would say our number two most watched videos on censored.tv are atheism is unstoppable.

00:17:03.000 No problem with that.

00:17:04.000 It's a different angle.

00:17:06.000 He's got a lot of intelligent shit to say about pop culture.

00:17:09.000 So yeah, come on board.

00:17:10.000 We disagree about God.

00:17:12.000 Who fucking cares?

00:17:14.000 Who cares if your co-workers disagree?

00:17:20.000 Sam Harris, I think atheism is unstoppable.

00:17:23.000 AIU is a big fan of Sam Harris.

00:17:25.000 Sam Harris said this today, and I'm just like, you're smart, but you're a fucking retard.

00:17:34.000 I mean, Hunter Biden, at that point, Hunter Biden literally could have had the corpses of children in his basement.

00:17:42.000 I would not have cared, right?

00:17:44.000 There's nothing.

00:17:45.000 First of all, it's Hunter Biden, right?

00:17:47.000 It's not Joe Biden, but even if Joe Biden, whatever scope of Joe Biden's corruption is, like, if we could just go down that rabbit hole endlessly and understand that he's getting kickbacks from Hunter Biden's deals in Ukraine or wherever else,

00:18:02.000 right?

00:18:03.000 Or China.

00:18:05.000 It is infinitesimal compared to the corruption we know Trump is involved in.

00:18:13.000 It's like a firefly to the sun, right?

00:18:15.000 I mean, like, there's just, it doesn't even stack up against Trump University.

00:18:21.000 Trump University as a story.

00:18:22.000 Trump University is the same as bounce you.

00:18:27.000 It's the same as if we did censored you.

00:18:30.000 We would set up a course.

00:18:32.000 Hey, we'll have like Devin, me, Anthony do a thing, teach you how to, I don't know, analyze media or some bullshit.

00:18:40.000 And we give you a degree at the end.

00:18:44.000 We'd all put in like 30 hours of work and eventually it's a totally rational, plausible business plan.

00:18:50.000 My brother was actually trying to make us do this, make us do this, help us do this.

00:18:57.000 Lots of people do this.

00:18:58.000 They have these courses, right?

00:19:01.000 No one for a second with an IQ over 80 thinks that it's a literal university.

00:19:10.000 When you go to Trump You, you get, it's a crash course in how to do real estate.

00:19:16.000 It's a very helpful, silly little course.

00:19:20.000 No one thinks you have a PhD in it.

00:19:22.000 It's not fraudulent, you fucking moron.

00:19:26.000 How is a guy this smart such a fucking idiot?

00:19:31.000 Trump you, really?

00:19:33.000 Fuck you.

00:19:34.000 How about that?

00:19:35.000 You have a PhD and fuck you.

00:19:39.000 You like that?

00:19:40.000 Yes.

00:19:45.000 Is worse than anything that could be in Hunter Biden's laptop.

00:19:49.000 Hold on.

00:19:50.000 Hold on.

00:19:50.000 Wow.

00:19:51.000 So Hunter Biden was setting up deals with the Chinese and with Ukraine.

00:19:56.000 And he was using his vice president father as the big guy to help facilitate these deals.

00:20:05.000 Not just the mining thing in Ukraine, but major hedge funds, along with, I think it was John Kerry's son, where they are getting multi-million dollar kickbacks.

00:20:16.000 Quid pro quo, total corruption.

00:20:19.000 When Biden found out they were investigating it, this is Vice President Biden, he bragged about it on air and said, by the time I land my plane on my six-hour flight, this investigator is going to be fired.

00:20:31.000 So these guys are involved in using Obama and Vice President Biden to facilitate major global deals, millions and millions of dollars.

00:20:43.000 Yes, the crack cocaine shit is bad.

00:20:45.000 All that shit is bad.

00:20:46.000 But also, the crack cocaine shit is also bad because it can be used by our enemies to bribe you to facilitate other deals where we're going to show fucking Hunter Biden's dick in some 16-year-old.

00:21:03.000 So it's not just random crack use we're concerned about.

00:21:06.000 No one's cared about that for a long time.

00:21:09.000 We're worried about how it affects the most powerful administration in the world, the most powerful country in the world.

00:21:17.000 It's not irrelevant, Sam.

00:21:19.000 What's the matter with you?

00:21:21.000 I fucking hate this guy now.

00:21:23.000 And I think I remember I got a warning sign a long time ago where he, a good red flag is shitting on proud boys.

00:21:30.000 If they say the proud boys are violent or racist or something, you know you're dealing with someone who's not necessarily an idiot, but who is not really involved in what they're saying.

00:21:41.000 They'll throw people into the bus without doing any research.

00:21:45.000 Basically.

00:21:46.000 You sound like someone made you say that.

00:21:51.000 Like when I shit on Sam Harris at 8.25, make sure you say the script I sent you.

00:21:58.000 And I almost forgot to, so I rushed it out.

00:22:01.000 I don't want to get fired.

00:22:02.000 And then they will throw you under the bus no matter what happens.

00:22:04.000 Yeah.

00:22:07.000 Keep going with this fucker.

00:22:09.000 This fucking fucking piece of shit.

00:22:12.000 Goddamn fucking piece of shit.

00:22:13.000 Now that doesn't answer the people who say it's still completely unfair.

00:22:17.000 How much longer is this?

00:22:19.000 Looked at the laptop.

00:22:20.000 It's been a minute, 20 in a timely way and to have shut down the New York Post's Twitter account.

00:22:27.000 That's just a conspiracy.

00:22:28.000 That's a left-wing conspiracy to deny the presidency to Donald Trump.

00:22:33.000 Absolutely it was.

00:22:35.000 Absolutely.

00:22:36.000 But I think it was warranted.

00:22:38.000 And again, it's a coin toss as to whether or not that particular piece of the pressure.

00:22:42.000 I'm really sorry.

00:22:42.000 I was the one that said we should move on, but you've just said something I really struggled with there, which is the kids in the basement?

00:22:50.000 No, no.

00:22:51.000 Fuck the kids in the basement.

00:22:52.000 I'm interested in democracy.

00:22:54.000 You're saying you are content with a left-wing conspiracy to prevent somebody being democratically re-elected as president.

00:23:02.000 Well, no, I'm content.

00:23:04.000 But the thing is, it's just not left-wing, right?

00:23:06.000 So Liz Cheney is not left-wing, right?

00:23:08.000 Liz Cheney is doing everything in her power.

00:23:10.000 It's a conspiracy to prevent somebody from democratically re-elected.

00:23:12.000 No, but there's nothing.

00:23:14.000 Conspiracy.

00:23:15.000 It was a conspiracy out in the open.

00:23:17.000 But it doesn't matter what part's conspiracy.

00:23:20.000 You missed the part where he said, oh, Gavin McKinnison is loser balls that are ugly.

00:23:26.000 What?

00:23:27.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:23:28.000 Oh, I thought I watched that video before.

00:23:30.000 Oh, you did?

00:23:33.000 No one's ever insulted my balls before.

00:23:35.000 I think I'll rewind it a little bit.

00:23:36.000 In the open, but it doesn't matter if it was a, it doesn't matter what part's conspiracy, what part's out in the open.

00:23:42.000 I mean, I think it's like...

00:23:42.000 He's still talking about your balls.

00:23:44.000 Which ball is out in the open?

00:23:45.000 When you wear short shorts, one of them might be out in the open.

00:23:47.000 Like that?

00:23:48.000 Yeah, no, it's fucked up.

00:23:49.000 I don't like the guy.

00:23:50.000 Now I hate him twice as many.

00:23:52.000 One for each ball.

00:23:53.000 Yes.

00:23:54.000 What should we do about this phenomenon?

00:23:57.000 He said one's wrinkly, one's smooth.

00:24:00.000 What is a wrinkly ball?

00:24:01.000 Is that true?

00:24:03.000 I don't know.

00:24:04.000 I don't think I've felt my balls in like years.

00:24:08.000 Normal grape, feeling a normal grape.

00:24:11.000 Gotcha.

00:24:12.000 Grape isn't a great size either.

00:24:14.000 He mentioned that too.

00:24:15.000 Big grape.

00:24:17.000 The biggest grape ever.

00:24:18.000 Big grape, feeling a normal, big grape.

00:24:21.000 There's definitely zero texture to these things as far as what I can feel.

00:24:26.000 Okay.

00:24:26.000 It seems like he's, I don't know, he's got his facts all over the place.

00:24:29.000 If there was an asteroid hurtling toward him.

00:24:31.000 He's talking about your ass.

00:24:32.000 Anyway, but these are some of the comments that Pesobic retweeted about him.

00:24:37.000 Oh, wait, no, that's not it.

00:24:38.000 Here we go.

00:24:39.000 Elon Musk wants Republicans to be nice, and Sam Harris wants to lock up his opponents.

00:24:42.000 See the problem?

00:24:43.000 Here's another one.

00:24:44.000 Anyone notice these supposed atheists, intellectuals always use children as their examples?

00:24:48.000 Yeah, that's a big thing.

00:24:49.000 And he did.

00:24:50.000 He literally did.

00:24:51.000 By the way, when anyone uses your children in an analogy or in an argument, they're a fucking idiot, evil person.

00:25:00.000 What if your daughter was raped?

00:25:02.000 How do you feel now?

00:25:04.000 Well, I feel irrational and angry, and I want to kill everyone.

00:25:08.000 Okay, now I want to argue with you.

00:25:10.000 You wouldn't have cared if Hunter Biden literally had corpses of children in his basement.

00:25:16.000 That's not a great quote there, Sam.

00:25:17.000 I wouldn't have cared.

00:25:18.000 I would be pretty carry.

00:25:20.000 You can care about that.

00:25:21.000 We caught John Wayne Gacy.

00:25:22.000 He had a bunch of kids under his deck.

00:25:25.000 Yeah, do you not care about him?

00:25:27.000 What do you think?

00:25:29.000 What a fucking.

00:25:31.000 Next subject before we start the show.

00:25:35.000 This guy, David Weissman, came up while I was looking at that tweet, and that guy's so fucking weird, man.

00:25:41.000 David Weiss?

00:25:42.000 He's one of the weirdest people I know.

00:25:44.000 No?

00:25:45.000 David Weissman.

00:25:46.000 Okay.

00:25:48.000 Look at his picture.

00:25:50.000 Army vet, former Republican, fucking badass, murderer, guy who fucking throws people over tanks.

00:26:00.000 My dick fucks chicks.

00:26:02.000 I don't even know about it.

00:26:03.000 I'm asleep and I wake up and some chick is slapping me.

00:26:07.000 I'm like, what the fuck's the problem?

00:26:09.000 And I find out my anaconda went out partying and fucked tons of chicks.

00:26:15.000 And my cock has like a Hawaiian shirt and sunglasses on.

00:26:20.000 Like Sanjay and Craig, that cartoon with the snake.

00:26:24.000 And I'm like, dude, what the fuck did you do?

00:26:27.000 All these chicks are pissed off at me.

00:26:29.000 Sorry, man, I got to get late.

00:26:31.000 And you're a pussy and a fag.

00:26:33.000 Fag?

00:26:34.000 I fucked Eva Mendez all day.

00:26:36.000 Yeah, that's one chick.

00:26:38.000 Fuck you.

00:26:39.000 You know what?

00:26:40.000 Fuck you, dick.

00:26:41.000 Pull up Sanjay and Craig.

00:26:43.000 So that's what you think when you see that picture.

00:26:45.000 You go, Jesus Christ.

00:26:47.000 That guy has constant fights with his dick over the various women they fuck together separately, blah, blah, blah.

00:26:54.000 I had him on my show a million years ago.

00:26:58.000 But that's his dick.

00:27:08.000 Okay.

00:27:09.000 Oh, I don't like that Sanjay is or Craig is voiced by that annoying nerd, Chris Hardwell Hardwick, whatever.

00:27:17.000 Oh, yeah.

00:27:17.000 Where'd he go?

00:27:19.000 Oh, he does the, he does, like, talking Saul.

00:27:22.000 Oh, he does that.

00:27:23.000 Okay.

00:27:23.000 Yeah, better call Saul.

00:27:25.000 Which, you watch a fictional show, you don't want to see it explained.

00:27:28.000 Yeah, that's what you should be doing with your friends afterwards.

00:27:30.000 With the producer and the director and stuff?

00:27:32.000 By the way, I get all these emails.

00:27:34.000 People are like, so do you think the ending was good or do you think it was awesome?

00:27:38.000 And I'm like, wait, that was the end?

00:27:40.000 Oh.

00:27:42.000 I didn't know.

00:27:43.000 I'm all excited for next Tuesday.

00:27:45.000 Oh.

00:27:47.000 It's over, dude.

00:27:48.000 It didn't feel endy?

00:27:51.000 No, every episode of Better Call Saul felt endy.

00:27:53.000 Wow.

00:27:55.000 And I don't want to do any spoilers.

00:27:57.000 Spoiler alert.

00:27:59.000 But this woman figures out that he's Saul Goodman, so he runs out of her house.

00:28:04.000 And you're like, okay, can't wait till next week.

00:28:07.000 Oh, but you see, they can't really do a crazy amount with him because.

00:28:11.000 Because?

00:28:12.000 Because.

00:28:13.000 Is working bronx affecting your accent?

00:28:17.000 That's an affectation that I like to put on.

00:28:18.000 Because I like to put that on.

00:28:21.000 But yeah, so they can't really do much with the character because in Breaking Bad, he's still got to be alive, you know?

00:28:31.000 That's not a big restriction.

00:28:33.000 Yeah, but you can't kill him all.

00:28:34.000 You have to live.

00:28:35.000 Pretty good.

00:28:36.000 That's about it.

00:28:38.000 You see, Gavin, out here in America, where speakers go, boom, boom.

00:28:42.000 You got your little red Dixie cup.

00:28:44.000 You got your Daisy Dukes hacked all the way up to your butt.

00:28:47.000 You can do whatever you want.

00:28:49.000 It's America.

00:28:51.000 What's that got to do with Better Call Saul?

00:28:55.000 Better Call Saul is a show made here in America.

00:28:58.000 A grassroots enterprise made by American.

00:29:01.000 American Gauls.

00:29:02.000 Basically every show made in America, except that show about extras.

00:29:06.000 Not Squid Game.

00:29:08.000 Squid Game, yeah.

00:29:09.000 Squid Games made.

00:29:10.000 It's a French show about a CAA acting agency.

00:29:13.000 That's one other show.

00:29:15.000 I think like 99.9% of shows anyone talks about are made in America, including the top shows in the Congo.

00:29:25.000 Like I have a cheap box and I go to Jamaican shows and I look at Jamaican Cartoon Network.

00:29:32.000 It's just American shows.

00:29:36.000 So what are you talking about?

00:29:37.000 And who are you, by the way?

00:29:39.000 Luke Brian.

00:29:41.000 The like Nazi hunter who has a Nazi family?

00:29:45.000 No, no.

00:29:45.000 I'm a country music star.

00:29:47.000 Oh, Brian.

00:29:47.000 Luke Brian.

00:29:50.000 Speaking of names that are similar, David Weissman's a weird guy that you don't like.

00:29:54.000 You ever hear about David Weiss?

00:29:55.000 The flat earther?

00:29:56.000 He wants to interview you and have a whole special about flat earth.

00:30:01.000 I want to talk to a flat earther.

00:30:03.000 I think people would love to see that.

00:30:04.000 No, would they?

00:30:06.000 Absolutely.

00:30:06.000 Here's the only way I should do it.

00:30:08.000 I'll get a guy who's an expert.

00:30:10.000 So when this asshole says, like, the great lakes are actually flat, and if you look at them, you don't see a curve.

00:30:16.000 And I don't have to sit there and go, I've looked that up and that's that.

00:30:20.000 I can have the smart guy go, yeah, dude, it's the refraction of the sun.

00:30:24.000 It still would be fun to just see how much he can get away with saying.

00:30:29.000 Here's a funny thing.

00:30:29.000 When the callers call in, see how much of them will actually say that they're 100% sure that the earth is not flat.

00:30:37.000 For every caller, we'll ask them that and we'll see what's what.

00:30:40.000 How crazy are your viewers?

00:30:45.000 Girl, you make my speakers go boom boom.

00:30:50.000 Yay!

00:30:52.000 Lucky.

00:30:53.000 Can't wait to have you down south, Gavo.

00:30:55.000 Can't wait to go down south.

00:30:56.000 Salute.

00:30:58.000 Salute.

00:30:59.000 Very French thing to say.

00:31:01.000 So that's David Weissman on Twitter, right?

00:31:04.000 Badass.

00:31:05.000 Let's go back to that.

00:31:07.000 So he looks like he will just like your throat here.

00:31:10.000 He'll murder you for saying the wrong thing.

00:31:13.000 And this is a great example of the way people on social media portray themselves and the way they are.

00:31:19.000 Let's look at who David Weissman is in person.

00:31:23.000 Okay.

00:31:24.000 Let's see that badass murderer fucking vigilante.

00:31:27.000 Tennessee Holler, Facebook Live.

00:31:29.000 We're tnholler.com at the tn holler on Twitter and Facebook.

00:31:33.000 Thank you to everybody who supports us and helps amplify the messages.

00:31:37.000 Chip in a few bucks.

00:31:38.000 That's how we survive.

00:31:39.000 Today we have a very special guest, David Weissman.

00:31:42.000 He has a really interesting story to tell, one that I find to be really important.

00:31:46.000 David, how are you today?

00:31:48.000 Thank you for having me on.

00:31:50.000 What the fuck is that?

00:31:52.000 Yeah, you don't know this guy?

00:31:53.000 Oh my lord.

00:31:54.000 Hi, thanks for having me on.

00:31:56.000 That's not an exaggeration.

00:31:57.000 Hey, you guys.

00:31:59.000 David, how are you today?

00:32:00.000 I'm good.

00:32:01.000 Thank you for having me.

00:32:03.000 Having me.

00:32:05.000 I feel bad.

00:32:06.000 I appreciate you coming on.

00:32:08.000 I really appreciate Trump's support.

00:32:10.000 I listen to Henry and now I hate it.

00:32:13.000 How many of you guys can I come aboard?

00:32:19.000 Yeah, I was in the military for 10 years.

00:32:23.000 Trans and years.

00:32:24.000 Are we sure that did an IUD blow up his nose?

00:32:27.000 I was in the military for trans and years.

00:32:30.000 If that's like a result of action, then I feel bad.

00:32:33.000 I remember when I had him on my old show, I was like, oh, this guy's a badass Israeli fucking cool right-winger.

00:32:40.000 And then he's like, hi, I'm happy to be here.

00:32:43.000 And I went, oh, shit.

00:32:46.000 This is another NPR voice.

00:32:49.000 This is another Ira Glass.

00:32:52.000 It's a low-T voice.

00:32:53.000 Sorry, Jews.

00:32:55.000 You tend to have low-T guys in your stable.

00:32:58.000 Provided security for the chaplain.

00:32:59.000 I was in Afghanistan 20.

00:33:01.000 He was grown up.

00:33:01.000 I was always Republican, conservative, religious values, things like that.

00:33:07.000 He's like a stern whack.

00:33:09.000 This guy, Justin Canu, just canoe what the fuck is going on, and it's not good.

00:33:14.000 Justin, I've been in your shoes.

00:33:16.000 I've been in your shoes, Canoes.

00:33:19.000 Religious values, what were some of the issues that you cared about deeply and still probably do?

00:33:24.000 They changed a little bit.

00:33:26.000 I was against abortion.

00:33:28.000 I mean, James Key at the time, I didn't know much about it.

00:33:30.000 But I'm leaning in the hole.

00:33:32.000 That was a sin thing.

00:33:33.000 When did you start to become a Trump fan?

00:33:36.000 What was it about him that you appreciated?

00:33:38.000 It was actually in a general election, supporting 10 years.

00:33:42.000 Boring!

00:33:43.000 Megalomania.

00:33:44.000 Tons of jump cuts he had to make, too.

00:33:46.000 Megalomania.

00:33:47.000 Wow.

00:33:51.000 Shell Shock CBD.

00:33:53.000 Second sponsor for today's show.

00:33:56.000 In today's crazy world, quality sleep and much-needed relaxation can be hard to come by.

00:34:01.000 Enter Shell Shock CBD, the nation's fastest-growing, veteran-owned.

00:34:08.000 It seems almost all our sponsors are veteran-owned.

00:34:10.000 Veteran-owned CBD and Delta 8 supplement company.

00:34:14.000 Shell Shock offers a variety of non-THC products as well as products that contain THC.

00:34:19.000 I've been taking gummies at bed.

00:34:21.000 Their gummies are sick.

00:34:23.000 I can't lie.

00:34:23.000 The dreams are pretty nuts, man.

00:34:25.000 Pretty, pretty wild ride.

00:34:28.000 My daughter had a sleepover the other day, and one of her friends sleepwalks.

00:34:33.000 That's fun.

00:34:34.000 And I could have shot her in the head because I heard someone walk around my master bedroom bathroom.

00:34:41.000 But thanks to the gummies, this sleepover girl lived.

00:34:45.000 And I could hear like walking.

00:34:48.000 And I knew she was friendly fire because my dog wasn't barking.

00:34:53.000 Oh, yeah.

00:34:54.000 If like when the garbage man comes to pick up the fucking recycling, the dog goes nuts.

00:34:59.000 So if you're within 100 yards of our house, my dog goes insane.

00:35:04.000 And it makes me mad sometimes, but I appreciate it.

00:35:06.000 It's doing its job.

00:35:07.000 But he was silent as a mouse, which means I trust her.

00:35:10.000 So I was like, okay, the dog's not barking.

00:35:13.000 No one broke into the house.

00:35:14.000 And then I can hear her in my master bedroom.

00:35:17.000 And I hear like a plastic cup go, ting, tingling, ting, ting, like fall on its side.

00:35:24.000 And I'm nude.

00:35:26.000 So I guess I got to put on underwear.

00:35:28.000 And I don't want to see her.

00:35:30.000 Like, I don't want to see a 16-year-old girl being like, hello, what?

00:35:36.000 And then you see you go, okay, well, lock your bedroom door.

00:35:39.000 Yeah.

00:35:40.000 I'd rather take the hit.

00:35:42.000 I don't want her going into my son's room that's next to my daughter's room or my other son's room.

00:35:48.000 So I'm like, come on in, sleepwalker.

00:35:50.000 And I know she sleepwalks.

00:35:51.000 I've heard of this before.

00:35:52.000 That's hilarious.

00:35:54.000 So I was stoned out of my mind.

00:35:57.000 And it actually helped the situation because I had a higher IQ.

00:36:01.000 And I was like the Terminator, like, assessing the situation.

00:36:06.000 I knew what the cup was, and I knew how long she'd been in there for.

00:36:10.000 And then I heard her like leave the master bedroom and wander out in the hallway and go back into my daughter's room.

00:36:19.000 Sleepwalking, that's fascinating.

00:36:20.000 I've always kind of jealous that I didn't sleepwalk.

00:36:23.000 I know.

00:36:24.000 It is kind of FOMO.

00:36:26.000 Like you'd think that would be cool.

00:36:27.000 That sounds so cool.

00:36:28.000 That is scary.

00:36:30.000 Although, if you really want to sleepwalk, just black out drunk.

00:36:33.000 Who is it?

00:36:34.000 Yeah, but yeah.

00:36:35.000 But you know, that has consequences because you wake up and you feel like shit if you get that drunk.

00:36:42.000 But this is like you're just sober.

00:36:44.000 I told you a story about my friend Jamie McCabe, right?

00:36:48.000 I don't know.

00:36:49.000 We were tree planting, and tree planting, you're mostly living in a tent.

00:36:54.000 But occasionally, if the demographics and the geographics align, you end up in a motel.

00:37:02.000 And being in a shitty motel in rural Canada, in North Bay, or Etobicoke, or not even Etobicoke, that's way too south.

00:37:11.000 But like Cobalt, Ontario, for example, speaking of our shits, Royan Naranda in Quebec, any sort of northern Ontario place.

00:37:22.000 Being in a motel is heaven on earth.

00:37:25.000 It's a bed.

00:37:26.000 There's no bugs.

00:37:26.000 It's climate controlled.

00:37:28.000 Like the shittiest motel in the world is heaven when you're a tree planter.

00:37:34.000 So I heard Jamie sleepwalks.

00:37:37.000 And so he tells me, he's like, dude, I got to warn you tonight.

00:37:41.000 I sleepwalk.

00:37:42.000 So I was on a cot.

00:37:43.000 They were sharing a queen bed.

00:37:47.000 And me and this was all three foremen.

00:37:48.000 We were foreman telling people how to plant trees.

00:37:52.000 And he goes, yeah, I should warn you.

00:37:55.000 I sleepwalk.

00:37:56.000 I'm like, okay.

00:37:57.000 I don't give a fuck.

00:37:59.000 And he goes, if I approach you, just explain the logical fallacy with what I'm saying, and I'll fall back asleep.

00:38:06.000 Wow.

00:38:07.000 I'm like, okay, thanks for the homework assignment.

00:38:09.000 And he goes, for example, again, TMI.

00:38:13.000 For example, when I was much younger, I told my brother, I ran downstairs and I screamed at him.

00:38:19.000 I go, there's a stampede of married women chasing me.

00:38:24.000 And my brother goes, okay, this is pre-internet, of course.

00:38:30.000 How do they meet?

00:38:31.000 What's their motive?

00:38:33.000 Do they talk on the phone?

00:38:35.000 Why are they chasing you?

00:38:36.000 What's in it for them?

00:38:38.000 Aren't they going to get arrested?

00:38:39.000 And after I laid all that down, my brother laid all that down.

00:38:44.000 I went, oh, and I went to bed.

00:38:46.000 This is Jamie talking.

00:38:48.000 So I'm like, okay, got it.

00:38:50.000 Don't care.

00:38:51.000 Cremation of care.

00:38:53.000 But okay.

00:38:55.000 So that night, at about three in the morning, he comes over To my cot and he sits next to me.

00:39:02.000 He's like, Hey, I'm like, What?

00:39:04.000 What's outing?

00:39:06.000 Hello?

00:39:07.000 And he goes, Let me explain something to you.

00:39:10.000 Okay, what are we going to fight?

00:39:11.000 Should I get my shiv?

00:39:13.000 He goes, I have two posters in my room.

00:39:17.000 I have a Maurice, the Rocket Richard poster above my bed.

00:39:22.000 It's right there.

00:39:24.000 And then I have a BMW poster.

00:39:26.000 It just says BMW.

00:39:27.000 It's the logo of BMW.

00:39:30.000 And that's at the other end of my bed.

00:39:32.000 And then I have my chest of drawers and everything else.

00:39:33.000 That's a fact.

00:39:34.000 You can call my parents.

00:39:36.000 You can look that up.

00:39:37.000 It's indisputable.

00:39:40.000 And I'm like, okay, got it.

00:39:42.000 Thanks.

00:39:43.000 He's like.

00:39:45.000 And then he goes to bed.

00:39:47.000 So the next morning, I go, thanks for the heads up about the posters in your room, Jamie.

00:39:54.000 And he's like, I don't know what you're talking about.

00:39:56.000 And I told him what I just told you.

00:39:58.000 And he goes, I don't have any posters in my room.

00:40:00.000 Whoa.

00:40:01.000 I got a bunch of stupid like frame things my mom put up.

00:40:04.000 I didn't really decorate my room.

00:40:05.000 I'm not into rooms.

00:40:07.000 So his sleepwalking self was like, someone's threatening me.

00:40:14.000 They're threatening my existence.

00:40:16.000 So I have to go and cover my tracks.

00:40:19.000 It's almost like multiple personalities.

00:40:21.000 That is wild.

00:40:23.000 Anyway, that's what you get with the Delta 8 THC Halo Gummy to experience a Euphoricine premium relaxation.

00:40:30.000 They also offer sample packs of all their gummies as well as their all-nose CBD energy sticks and Delta 8 THC chocolate bars.

00:40:39.000 Shell Shock products are 100% grown, harvested, and manufactured right here in America.

00:40:44.000 All products are also third-party tested to ensure optimal quality is always achieved and transparency is always given.

00:40:51.000 Go to Shell Shock singular cbd.com forward slash Gavin.

00:40:58.000 Use codes Gavin or G-O-M-L for 10% off your order.

00:41:02.000 Be sure to follow them on Instagram.

00:41:05.000 Shell Shock Wellness.

00:41:07.000 It tastes very good.

00:41:09.000 All right, so we should probably go behind the paywall soon, but we should probably start taking calls, opening up the chats, all that shit.

00:41:19.000 I should say, Maddie's gone.

00:41:22.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

00:41:22.000 He was saying he can call in or video in.

00:41:26.000 We don't want him.

00:41:26.000 We fired him.

00:41:28.000 Oh.

00:41:28.000 He tried to molest Ryan.

00:41:32.000 Now, I'm not saying that.

00:41:34.000 He grabbed Ryan's ass.

00:41:35.000 And that's a deal breaker here at the show.

00:41:38.000 And I people are not sexual objects.

00:41:41.000 Thank you.

00:41:42.000 And what I didn't do, I didn't bend down when he wasn't looking at it.

00:41:45.000 I'll tell you what Ryan did.

00:41:46.000 He started crying.

00:41:48.000 Yes, I did.

00:41:48.000 And then I walked in.

00:41:49.000 I go, what's going on here?

00:41:50.000 And Maddie goes, I'm just joking.

00:41:52.000 I'm just joking around.

00:41:53.000 And Ryan was, his mascara was streaming.

00:41:57.000 I don't have mascara.

00:41:58.000 You had mascara on that?

00:41:59.000 No, I didn't.

00:42:00.000 He was crying his eyes.

00:42:02.000 The way I reported the story to Fire Maddie was that.

00:42:05.000 And Fire Maddie is a government institution at this point.

00:42:09.000 It's 612.

00:42:10.000 You call 612.

00:42:12.000 And anytime Maddie gets a job, you doll 612 and you're like, Maddie did this.

00:42:16.000 It's like a 911 or a 411, but he has his own government call line.

00:42:22.000 Fire Maddie is also the name of the hot sauce that we're coming out with.

00:42:25.000 Actually, it is now.

00:42:26.000 Yes.

00:42:26.000 Literally.

00:42:27.000 No, he's on a road trip doing some shit.

00:42:29.000 But I also tried to get Sylvia and Linda.

00:42:37.000 Linda was not having it.

00:42:39.000 Hey, Linda, I'm coming by to pick you up.

00:42:41.000 Oh, okay.

00:42:42.000 Well, I have to talk to some people that I can arrange that.

00:42:46.000 Do you need that right now?

00:42:48.000 Like, she hates committing to things.

00:42:49.000 I go, Linda, I'll just pick you up.

00:42:51.000 Where are you?

00:42:52.000 I'll drive.

00:42:53.000 I'm in my car.

00:42:54.000 Oh, okay.

00:42:55.000 Well, that's actually, I don't think I can do that immediately.

00:42:58.000 I go, I'll give you $100 to come on the show.

00:43:02.000 You just sit there.

00:43:03.000 Yeah, I actually was not prepared to work tonight.

00:43:06.000 So this woman calls me 100 times a day.

00:43:11.000 She sends me an emoji an hour.

00:43:13.000 Okay, that math doesn't add up, but you know what I'm saying.

00:43:16.000 And then we have Sylvia.

00:43:20.000 Dude, I was talking to a cop in New Rochelle, where she used to live.

00:43:25.000 And he goes, yeah, she was a fucking nightmare.

00:43:27.000 Did I tell you this yet?

00:43:28.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:43:29.000 About the black and the N-word?

00:43:32.000 Okay, wait, no.

00:43:33.000 Did we talk about this?

00:43:34.000 No.

00:43:34.000 He goes, yeah, that husband she wants to reunite with, Jose, he's a fucking nightmare, total racist psycho.

00:43:42.000 He hates niggers.

00:43:44.000 Yes, I think I do remember this.

00:43:45.000 Did we talk about this on the show?

00:43:46.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:43:47.000 So I talked to her.

00:43:48.000 I go, is that true?

00:43:49.000 And she goes, that's not true at all.

00:43:51.000 No, I said he hates the cop said he hates blacks.

00:43:54.000 And then Sylvia goes, no, he hated niggers because a nigger killed his son.

00:43:57.000 He loves blacks.

00:43:58.000 Yeah.

00:43:59.000 Okay.

00:44:00.000 There's a difference.

00:44:01.000 The cop also said he's like, dude, we get calls from her all day, every day, which is now my calls.

00:44:07.000 I get them.

00:44:08.000 And he goes, the black teens would always be at her house like 24 hours a day.

00:44:14.000 There'd be like seven black teenagers there.

00:44:21.000 Siete Negro teenagers?

00:44:24.000 Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

00:44:26.000 Okay, combine that with her saying, I was a call girl, with her saying, I'm an American slut.

00:44:31.000 I'm not Italian or Jewish.

00:44:32.000 I'm an American slut.

00:44:34.000 Combine that with her saying to me once, my biggest regret was my addiction to cock.

00:44:40.000 What, you love sucking dick?

00:44:42.000 Oh, no, I'm Jewish.

00:44:42.000 I don't suck dicks.

00:44:44.000 But just my love of cock, it ruined all seven of my marriages.

00:44:49.000 I think guys would go to her house and they would fuck her for 10 bucks.

00:44:54.000 And there'd be 10 in a day and she'd make 100 bucks.

00:44:58.000 That is my theory of my friend, Sylvia.

00:45:03.000 Anyway, so she calls me yesterday.

00:45:07.000 She's like, why didn't you call back?

00:45:09.000 I'm like, I'm putting my kid to bed.

00:45:10.000 What's going on now?

00:45:12.000 I don't know.

00:45:13.000 Call me later.

00:45:14.000 And then 10 minutes later, she texts me, I'm dying.

00:45:19.000 Okay, that's bad.

00:45:21.000 So I call her back.

00:45:23.000 No answer.

00:45:24.000 I text her back, obviously.

00:45:26.000 No answer.

00:45:26.000 I'm in like just shorts, nothing else.

00:45:30.000 I'm like, thank you.

00:45:31.000 And I go, I guess I got to like drive down there.

00:45:34.000 So I call my buddy Mike, who lives in her building or next to her building.

00:45:39.000 And he's like, yo, I just went down there.

00:45:40.000 He's got a giant pit bull.

00:45:42.000 I just went down there.

00:45:43.000 No answer, dude.

00:45:45.000 Looks bad.

00:45:46.000 So I go, oh, fuck, bro.

00:45:48.000 So I get in the car and I start driving.

00:45:50.000 And I'm like, what if she's blue when I get there?

00:45:55.000 I don't mean down.

00:45:57.000 Right.

00:45:58.000 And I don't mean pornographic.

00:46:01.000 Do I got to like...

00:46:05.000 Got her?

00:46:06.000 Do I got to CPR her?

00:46:11.000 If she's dead, I just made out with a dead woman.

00:46:14.000 Yeah.

00:46:15.000 That's up there with sucking a dick, is it not?

00:46:18.000 Yeah, necrophilia is worse than...

00:46:20.000 You ever suck a dude's dick?

00:46:22.000 Like, say you're at a party.

00:46:24.000 You're talking to some straight men.

00:46:25.000 You ever suck a dude's dick?

00:46:26.000 I did.

00:46:27.000 In college, I don't know what the fuck I was thinking.

00:46:29.000 Okay, that's gross.

00:46:32.000 Do you ever make out with a dead woman?

00:46:34.000 I did.

00:46:34.000 Oh, I didn't make out.

00:46:35.000 It was CPR.

00:46:37.000 That's as gross.

00:46:41.000 Isn't it?

00:46:42.000 In the eyes of the Lord, it might be worse.

00:46:44.000 No, fuck the Lord.

00:46:45.000 No offense, God.

00:46:46.000 But as far as like your nightmares, like you're lying in bed, you know when you get the terrors when you drink too much and it's like four in the morning and you're thinking about terrible stuff?

00:46:56.000 What's more in your head?

00:46:57.000 The time you blew a dude in college or the time your lips run a dead woman's mouth?

00:47:08.000 Now, in the interim from this event to now, I talked to a guy who's like a lifeguard expert.

00:47:15.000 He trains lifeguards.

00:47:16.000 He's like, yeah, CPR is bullshit.

00:47:18.000 He goes, they're all bullshit, actually.

00:47:21.000 The only thing that matters is the all-clear kajunk.

00:47:24.000 And I go, what about the, uh, huh, huh, huh?

00:47:28.000 Staying alive, staying alive, huh?

00:47:30.000 Huh?

00:47:31.000 He goes, that's like an iron lung.

00:47:33.000 So what you're doing is the heart's dead.

00:47:35.000 You're pumping the blood.

00:47:38.000 You're faking the heart into pumping the blood.

00:47:40.000 Yeah.

00:47:41.000 Like an iron lung.

00:47:42.000 You're not keeping, you're not helping her live, per se.

00:47:46.000 You're just pumping, you're fake pumping the blood.

00:47:48.000 He goes, CPR, unless they're drowning and you're trying to get them to barf and like breathe, 95% of what you breathe out is carbon dioxide.

00:47:57.000 So you're only breathing a little bit of oxygen into them.

00:48:01.000 So CPR is gay.

00:48:03.000 He goes, do that until EMT gets there and then they spark it and she might be saved.

00:48:10.000 But he goes, you're also banking on the fact that she died like one second before you got there.

00:48:16.000 He's like, think of drowning.

00:48:18.000 If you showed up two minutes after someone was lying at the bottom of the pool, are you helping?

00:48:25.000 Hey, I brought her back.

00:48:27.000 Her brain's only been dead for two entire minutes.

00:48:32.000 So anyway, that's going through my head.

00:48:34.000 And I go in the hallway and there's Mike with his fucking gigantic pit bull that has like a full body brace.

00:48:40.000 It's so strong.

00:48:41.000 And I'm like, what's going on?

00:48:43.000 And he goes, oh, she's in that door?

00:48:45.000 Oh, I got the wrong door.

00:48:47.000 Thanks.

00:48:48.000 Thank you.

00:48:49.000 So then I get to her door and I hear, I don't know if she's going to like him or not because they've been dating for dating.

00:48:57.000 She's got like the bachelor on 11.

00:49:01.000 It's shaking the door.

00:49:04.000 So I go, well, she's clearly alive.

00:49:06.000 So I open the door.

00:49:09.000 This is shaking, screaming.

00:49:12.000 And I go, can you turn it down?

00:49:15.000 So she's like, what?

00:49:16.000 Oh, her blind chihuahua is going, and Mike's pit bull is like spitting out phlegm onto the floor.

00:49:25.000 I'm like, dude, your pit bull's about to eat that blind chihuahua.

00:49:28.000 You should just get out of here.

00:49:31.000 And then her with her cockeyed fucking doctor from Futurama Face is like, Gavin, what are you doing here?

00:49:38.000 I go, Syl, you said you're dying.

00:49:42.000 And she goes, I am.

00:49:45.000 To see what happens on the bachelor.

00:49:50.000 I go, well, we're all dying, technically.

00:49:53.000 Babies are dying the day they're born.

00:49:55.000 But I had assumed when you texted me and said you're dying and then didn't answer any other texts that you were dying within the next 10 minutes.

00:50:04.000 If you're dying within the next year or two, no need to send me an emergency text.

00:50:09.000 I'll be at your funeral.

00:50:12.000 So then she calls me tonight.

00:50:16.000 I knew Maddie wasn't going to be here.

00:50:17.000 He's on his road trip, but I thought it would be cool if we could get, hey ladies, play the interstitial.

00:50:24.000 Oh, okay.

00:50:25.000 We could have Sylvia and Linda on the couch.

00:50:28.000 Wouldn't that be awesome?

00:50:30.000 Because they're both.

00:50:32.000 Ladies!

00:50:35.000 And he's a retard.

00:50:36.000 He's a reaper.

00:50:37.000 Is this in a foreign country, Israel?

00:50:42.000 He's a reaper?

00:50:43.000 Yeah, he's a reaper.

00:50:44.000 We could have had that.

00:50:45.000 I thought that would be great.

00:50:49.000 So I was calling them incessantly, and that's how I got Linda being like, I hear you're calling me a lot.

00:50:53.000 I can't work tonight.

00:50:54.000 Work.

00:50:56.000 Work?

00:50:58.000 And Sylvia goes, last night I told you I was dying.

00:51:03.000 You show up.

00:51:03.000 You didn't even offer me a glass of water or nothing.

00:51:09.000 First of all, it's your apartment.

00:51:11.000 You go get your own fucking water.

00:51:13.000 You're watching reality TV.

00:51:15.000 You're fine.

00:51:15.000 You're not even lying in bed.

00:51:17.000 You're sitting on your bed.

00:51:19.000 So it would have been weird if I was like, hi, oh, you're alive.

00:51:22.000 Can I get you a glass of water?

00:51:25.000 Anyway.

00:51:27.000 I'm on a pile of shit.

00:51:29.000 So we didn't get our ladies tonight.

00:51:32.000 Let's start to think about wrapping it up as far as the freeloaders go.

00:51:37.000 And let's, I guess, open the mail.

00:51:42.000 It's Thanks for Calling In the Mailbag.

00:51:44.000 So let's do the Thanks for Calling Interstitial.

00:51:46.000 I just like that song.

00:51:48.000 It's a beautiful song.

00:51:49.000 You don't get to hit it as much.

00:51:50.000 Reminds me of Nora's.

00:51:51.000 You are on air.

00:51:54.000 This is a fucking loser.

00:51:56.000 You want me to learn, share, personal, understand why.

00:52:00.000 Hey, why does everyone get two things?

00:52:01.000 You have one thing.

00:52:03.000 Thank you for calling.

00:52:04.000 It's great to hear me from you.

00:52:05.000 Bye-bye.

00:52:06.000 All right, next call.

00:52:08.000 Bye-bye.

00:52:10.000 Home to mommy.

00:52:12.000 That's true.

00:52:13.000 Back to mommy's basement.

00:52:15.000 She probably likes me.

00:52:19.000 Let's start taking calls.

00:52:20.000 Put the number down there, Ryan.

00:52:23.000 And then at the same time, we can start looking at letters we've received to the show.

00:52:29.000 We receive about correctly.

00:52:31.000 I would say 50 to 100 a day.

00:52:33.000 And so now we're going to ask people if they're 100% sure that the Earth is not flat.

00:52:39.000 And I think we'll be kind of surprised.

00:52:41.000 I don't really want to talk about that.

00:52:44.000 We won't talk about it.

00:52:44.000 We won't get into it.

00:52:45.000 We'll just see.

00:52:46.000 Oh, it's retarded.

00:52:48.000 Why did you come up with that plan?

00:52:50.000 Because we brought up David D. Do you think the Earth is flat?

00:52:54.000 I'm not sold on that.

00:52:56.000 I like listening to videos about it.

00:52:58.000 I like to ask that, Ryan.

00:53:01.000 I'm not saying the Earth is flat.

00:53:03.000 No, I don't.

00:53:04.000 I'm not certain of anything.

00:53:05.000 You're not certain the Earth is a sphere.

00:53:08.000 Correct.

00:53:09.000 I don't believe shit from nobody.

00:53:10.000 Do you believe what I work with here, folks?

00:53:12.000 Yeah.

00:53:13.000 I don't believe shit.

00:53:14.000 No wonder he has a rat on his head mowing the lawn with a broken toy lawnmower.

00:53:18.000 Dear Gavin, Ryguy, and Maddie, unfortunately, Maddie's not here.

00:53:22.000 In this video at 8, Jeremy, who you'll recognize shortly, talks about how he read this business book called The One Thing, which talks about how you need to find the one thing you can do to make everything else in your life easier.

00:53:36.000 I would say being honest.

00:53:38.000 That would be my one thing.

00:53:40.000 If any of you guess what the one thing Jeremy decided on is, I'll give you $100.

00:53:45.000 He eventually gives the answer at $9.20, going on a separate tangent.

00:53:49.000 Okay.

00:53:51.000 So let's click on that.

00:53:54.000 You're a fan of this guy, right?

00:53:57.000 I'm trying to get Maddie on here.

00:53:59.000 Let's see.

00:54:02.000 I'm in mailbag.

00:54:03.000 And this is called Genesis Briar Porridge Back.

00:54:07.000 What are you talking about?

00:54:09.000 This is called Jeremy Fragrance Back.

00:54:11.000 Oh, yeah, Jeremy Fragrance.

00:54:12.000 Not that similar.

00:54:14.000 Not so similar.

00:54:16.000 Nine minutes in.

00:54:26.000 How are we doing?

00:54:30.000 Okay, long pause.

00:54:31.000 Not great for TV.

00:54:32.000 Here we go.

00:54:34.000 Okay, buffering, loading.

00:54:36.000 We have a 56k modem.

00:54:38.000 But you know what?

00:54:38.000 I said at some point, fuck it.

00:54:41.000 I will read this stuff.

00:54:43.000 And the first business book I read was The One Thing.

00:54:47.000 Meaning the message of this book is, what is the one thing you can do to make everything else easier?

00:54:56.000 And I read tons and tons of other business books, which I think suck, because I don't want to know how to manipulate people.

00:55:04.000 I don't want to know that people give me more attention when I repeat their name always at the end of the sentence.

00:55:11.000 Like, aha, is that right, Steve?

00:55:13.000 So we make a good deal for you, Steve.

00:55:15.000 This is how we do it for you, Steve.

00:55:18.000 And I said, this is fucked up manipulation shit.

00:55:21.000 This is like the snake that manipulated Ifa in the Bible.

00:55:27.000 We don't do that shit.

00:55:29.000 And however, I got very successful, like most human beings, when you use certain techniques to not trick people, but to me...

00:55:40.000 And I'm very, very, very aggressive with my own self and the honesty.

00:55:47.000 I feel ashamed if I use techniques.

00:55:51.000 And women should be ashamed.

00:55:52.000 And men should be ashamed if they use techniques.

00:55:56.000 All right.

00:55:57.000 Let's keep it cool.

00:55:58.000 Let's continue what's going on.

00:56:00.000 Wait a minute.

00:56:00.000 Hold on a sec.

00:56:01.000 We've been making fun of this guy for a very long time.

00:56:04.000 It's clear.

00:56:06.000 Unless he is conceding that despite his instincts, he does use techniques.

00:56:12.000 That was pretty great.

00:56:15.000 Like, that was awesome to say, I don't want to repeat their name.

00:56:20.000 I've always hated, and I feel the same way.

00:56:22.000 I've always hated all those sales tactics.

00:56:25.000 And you can see them when they happen.

00:56:27.000 When I interview people, they'll say my name.

00:56:29.000 Well, I'm glad you asked that, Gavin.

00:56:31.000 They always do it on Tucker, too.

00:56:32.000 Thanks for asking, Tucker.

00:56:34.000 Tucker, what we're doing here, stop saying the guy's name.

00:56:37.000 It's such an obvious ploy.

00:56:41.000 But I was worried he would concede that he does use those techniques.

00:56:46.000 But using techniques is for facts.

00:56:48.000 Don't do it.

00:56:50.000 Right, Ryan?

00:56:51.000 Yes.

00:56:56.000 Uh-oh.

00:56:56.000 There's a Mets game going on.

00:56:57.000 I think we're losing.

00:56:58.000 Can you check in on that?

00:57:02.000 What are you doing right now?

00:57:03.000 So go to 920 and see what he admitted was his thingamadoodle.

00:57:09.000 Okay.

00:57:10.000 Okay, it's 2-2 with the Braves right now.

00:57:15.000 The one thing that I decided to do, I'm not going to wear underwear.

00:57:21.000 How does this stupid thing happen?

00:57:23.000 Well, long story.

00:57:27.000 First of all, I had stuff doing in the gay community where I didn't wear underwear because it was convenient and sexual shit.

00:57:36.000 And I had sex with a woman in New York City and I showered, but I didn't want to put on the same underwear after I showered.

00:57:45.000 So I just, on my suit, put on no underwear.

00:57:50.000 And I said, you know what?

00:57:51.000 That's actually funny.

00:57:52.000 On my suit, I put on no underwear.

00:57:54.000 No, you don't put on no underwear.

00:57:56.000 But you're going to get a little drop.

00:57:58.000 No matter how you shake your peg, the last weed drop runs down your leg.

00:58:01.000 No, that I'm not wearing underwear.

00:58:04.000 Therefore, I'm totally calm in this situation because they have no idea what's going on.

00:58:10.000 So I'm literally cool.

00:58:12.000 You could say I'm a whore, I'm an asshole, I'm a rapist.

00:58:15.000 You could point a gun to me.

00:58:17.000 I said, yeah, alright, this guy is a bit aggressive.

00:58:20.000 You keep it totally cool because it's like the saying, think that people in front of you are naked.

00:58:27.000 Or...

00:58:28.000 Okay, shut up.

00:58:28.000 We've had enough of this.

00:58:29.000 Fucking...

00:58:30.000 Shut up, retard.

00:58:32.000 What a moron.

00:58:33.000 He's a himbo.

00:58:35.000 Can we take some calls?

00:58:36.000 Are there any calls there?

00:58:38.000 Yes.

00:58:40.000 I got Maddie on my phone, but not on the computer here.

00:58:44.000 Okay, put your phone up to the thing.

00:58:46.000 Here we go.

00:58:47.000 In three, two, one.

00:58:52.000 Maddie, why did you abandon us?

00:58:54.000 Because I wanted to come see this beautiful sunset in Indiana.

00:58:59.000 Is it worth it?

00:59:00.000 Do you regret your move?

00:59:03.000 No.

00:59:03.000 I mean, you know, I get my throttle therapy out there on the road.

00:59:08.000 Dude, that sunset looks fake.

00:59:11.000 What's going on?

00:59:12.000 The sunset, it looks fake.

00:59:14.000 Oh, you got the blur on.

00:59:16.000 I want to let you know that I got the email from HR and I have to go to sensitivity training now because I grabbed Rock Pass.

00:59:25.000 Yeah, I'm glad we could do that through formal procedures and not have to discuss it with each other face to face.

00:59:31.000 I just hope I don't have to draw pictures.

00:59:34.000 Dude, is that a real fucking sunset?

00:59:36.000 It looks fake.

00:59:38.000 No, it's real.

00:59:39.000 It looks like fake clouds and Arby's, a shell station, and a Burger King, and some kind of diner.

00:59:48.000 And what would you say was the average velocity of your trip so far?

00:59:52.000 Yeah, that's the real sunset.

00:59:54.000 It's beautiful.

00:59:55.000 What was your average velocity this drive?

01:00:00.000 I got on the road at 5.07 this morning, and I was in Indianapolis at 5 o'clock.

01:00:09.000 So it was 12 hours total, but I stopped for lunch.

01:00:13.000 So that was probably like 40 minutes.

01:00:15.000 And then gas stops every 125 miles.

01:00:17.000 But I put in 660 miles today.

01:00:21.000 And how fast are you going?

01:00:22.000 90?

01:00:24.000 My top speed today was 114.

01:00:27.000 And the average was like 78, 79.

01:00:32.000 Well, I'm just going to assume that's the bike.

01:00:34.000 Because if I was on my bike that fast, I'd be bald.

01:00:41.000 We have a saying, if you're not doing 90, you ain't moving.

01:00:45.000 All right, man.

01:00:46.000 Well, have fun.

01:00:47.000 And if you're going to fornicate, use a condo.

01:00:51.000 Wait, what?

01:00:54.000 I don't know.

01:00:55.000 Are you going to be around next week?

01:00:57.000 No, I'm.

01:00:58.000 Well, we'll see.

01:01:00.000 All right.

01:01:00.000 Yeah, I'll see you when I get back.

01:01:02.000 I'll be back Tuesday.

01:01:03.000 All right, buddy.

01:01:04.000 More than a friend.

01:01:05.000 What kind of shirt are you wearing right there?

01:01:06.000 Oh, look at that.

01:01:07.000 Yeah, I'm out in Indiana, in Indianapolis.

01:01:10.000 What happens in Vegas?

01:01:12.000 What happened in Vegas?

01:01:14.000 Righteous.

01:01:16.000 I'm putting it out there.

01:01:17.000 I'm asking people.

01:01:18.000 And we got one of these shirts for you, too, when you come back.

01:01:22.000 Oh, a new shirt?

01:01:23.000 Yeah, well, look, we got the high-viz.

01:01:28.000 They came in.

01:01:29.000 Nice.

01:01:30.000 What was that?

01:01:31.000 All right, well, I'm going to go grab some roast beef sandwiches from Army's because it's holding junk food around.

01:01:36.000 And I'm going to go finish watching the show.

01:01:38.000 I'll see you guys on Tuesday.

01:01:39.000 Love you guys to be set for the baby monsters.

01:01:42.000 Anybody that's in Indianapolis, Indiana, or Arkansas, let me know.

01:01:47.000 Peace.

01:01:49.000 Did you see that thing that Jordan Peterson said?

01:01:52.000 No.

01:01:52.000 It's in the mailbag where he's like, don't let the baby monsters under the carpet.

01:01:58.000 Oh, yeah.

01:01:58.000 Clean your room.

01:02:00.000 And if you let the baby monsters dominate, it's going to be a problem.

01:02:06.000 Up yours, woke leftists.

01:02:08.000 We'll see who cancels what you're doing.

01:02:10.000 We'll see who's the baby monster.

01:02:12.000 Don't hide baby monsters under the carpet.

01:02:17.000 They will flourish.

01:02:18.000 You're right.

01:02:18.000 They will grow large in the dark.

01:02:22.000 Then, when you least expect it, they will jump out and devour you.

01:02:28.000 What the fuck, man?

01:02:29.000 Come on.

01:02:30.000 Like, is that just a quinky dink?

01:02:32.000 I've never heard anyone in the world use the term baby monster.

01:02:36.000 Same sees.

01:02:38.000 Leah Romini is so fucking hot.

01:02:40.000 I'd army crawl five miles through explosive momentskin diarrhea just to get a whiff.

01:02:44.000 I might meet her next month.

01:02:46.000 No.

01:02:46.000 I know one of her childhood friends.

01:02:48.000 What the fuck?

01:02:49.000 I have two questions for her.

01:02:52.000 One, why was the writing on King of Queens so high caliber?

01:02:57.000 It's a stupid mainstream American comedy show.

01:03:01.000 It was written like beyond Monty Python levels of brilliance.

01:03:05.000 The second question, does it start with can I squeeze?

01:03:08.000 Second question is, so you're surrounded with like tough, cool chicks from the Bronx.

01:03:14.000 That's where you grew up.

01:03:15.000 Puerto Ricans and Italians and everything.

01:03:18.000 People around this studio now.

01:03:21.000 When you would talk about full clarity and you're achieving this level, they must have sort of been going, yeah, okay, best of luck.

01:03:32.000 Like, it must have been fucking awkward.

01:03:34.000 And then when you came out of the Scientology closet and went, what the fuck was I doing?

01:03:39.000 They must have been going, yeah, thank God.

01:03:42.000 That shit you were talking about was embarrassing.

01:03:44.000 A lot of like Puerto Ricans and stuff like that, they do tarot cards and crystals and shit.

01:03:50.000 So they might be like, oh, that's bugged out.

01:03:53.000 I believe it.

01:03:54.000 Clarity?

01:03:56.000 We got a four six.

01:03:57.000 You know what we should do tomorrow?

01:03:59.000 We should do 10 things about Puerto Ricans.

01:04:03.000 Oh.

01:04:03.000 Just break it down.

01:04:05.000 The 10 most substantial things we've learned or I've learned.

01:04:09.000 You can interject because you're more involved being Puerto Rican yourself about Puerto Ricans.

01:04:14.000 Nice.

01:04:15.000 Whipa.

01:04:17.000 What does that mean?

01:04:18.000 I don't know.

01:04:18.000 It's like, hey, let's go.

01:04:19.000 Do I hear someone on the lawn clinking around?

01:04:22.000 The Puerto Rican, let's fucking 463.

01:04:24.000 You're on the lee.

01:04:28.000 Hello?

01:04:30.000 Oh, you got it.

01:04:30.000 Is your mic on?

01:04:31.000 Yeah, it is.

01:04:32.000 Yeah, it's on.

01:04:32.000 I just talked to Maddie.

01:04:34.000 Oh, yeah.

01:04:34.000 Oh, wait, wait, that was just through my phone, though.

01:04:37.000 To be fair.

01:04:38.000 Hello?

01:04:41.000 If you're gay, say nothing.

01:04:43.000 He has been on the line for like a minute, so he might not know that we're talking to him right now.

01:04:47.000 Hello?

01:04:48.000 I'll put him on mute.

01:04:51.000 Are you there?

01:04:53.000 Speak, sir.

01:04:55.000 Or forever hold your piss.

01:04:59.000 All right, he's in trouble.

01:05:00.000 I'll hang up on him.

01:05:01.000 We don't have time for this.

01:05:02.000 We got Kevin.

01:05:03.000 Hey, how's it going?

01:05:04.000 Oh, hi, Kevin.

01:05:05.000 You sound like a chick.

01:05:06.000 Yeah, you do.

01:05:10.000 Guys, if I'm on the line, you gotta answer me.

01:05:13.000 We're answering you.

01:05:14.000 Can you hear me?

01:05:16.000 Can you hear me?

01:05:17.000 Check, check, check.

01:05:20.000 I hear our other people's feet.

01:05:22.000 Ryan, she can't hear me.

01:05:23.000 Come on, Deb.

01:05:25.000 Hello!

01:05:28.000 Hello!

01:05:30.000 I don't know if that helps.

01:05:32.000 I'm just gonna hold on, hold on.

01:05:35.000 I'm gonna start over this call.

01:05:37.000 Hello!

01:05:39.000 Kevin, you don't need to do that anymore.

01:05:41.000 Hello!

01:05:43.000 That's not...

01:05:44.000 See, wait for me to connect and then you could scream hello.

01:05:48.000 Hello?

01:05:54.000 Okay.

01:05:55.000 My question.

01:05:55.000 Why the fuck can I see the moon during the day?

01:06:01.000 Okay.

01:06:01.000 Why can she see the moon during the day?

01:06:03.000 Flat earther.

01:06:04.000 Incoming.

01:06:04.000 Why can you see the moon during the day?

01:06:06.000 Like, this is the problem with arguing with you people.

01:06:10.000 So it's not possible that I could be sitting on the earth and have an angle wherein I could see the moon?

01:06:17.000 We don't know.

01:06:18.000 Hello?

01:06:19.000 She said, oh, she like she tapped out after that.

01:06:22.000 Oh, that's just like her slam dunk.

01:06:25.000 463?

01:06:26.000 Yeah, 463.

01:06:27.000 You're on the lee.

01:06:29.000 Oh, shit.

01:06:31.000 Yeah, the lines are all acting weird, but I'm from Indianapolis.

01:06:37.000 Cool.

01:06:37.000 What's your thing?

01:06:41.000 I want to say that whitest kids you know, I'm sorry, I'm at work right now.

01:06:47.000 It's weird.

01:06:48.000 The whitest kids you know definitely influenced life.

01:06:51.000 Okay, that's a good...

01:06:53.000 Thanks for calling.

01:06:54.000 That's a good point.

01:06:55.000 A lot of guys, now that I talked about doing the 10 funniest shows of all time, I'm getting a lot of people pushing whitest kids you know.

01:07:03.000 Yeah.

01:07:04.000 Not feeling it.

01:07:05.000 They were impactful for that generation.

01:07:08.000 Sure.

01:07:08.000 Great.

01:07:08.000 Maybe I'm too old.

01:07:10.000 I know one of the guys.

01:07:11.000 I hung out with those dudes.

01:07:12.000 Yeah.

01:07:14.000 And they sent us a bunch of 40s and a VHS tape in 2001, I'd say.

01:07:22.000 Advice.

01:07:23.000 So I was into those dudes before anybody.

01:07:25.000 I don't know.

01:07:26.000 Dude, that Tartos.

01:07:28.000 The sketches seem quite good, but I'm talking about the best in the world.

01:07:31.000 You're up against Monty Python.

01:07:34.000 And I know Jordan Peele, you're like, well, fuck it.

01:07:37.000 Those guys are just as funny.

01:07:38.000 But yeah, for better or for worse, Jordan Peele had a billion dollars for every sketch.

01:07:42.000 They were all perfect.

01:07:44.000 Anyway.

01:07:46.000 Tartost is the funniest thing I've ever seen.

01:07:49.000 Oh, thank you.

01:07:53.000 I mean, I've never seen anything like it.

01:07:55.000 Well, it's about an invisible dog.

01:07:57.000 And might I say, there's your title.

01:08:00.000 Oh, excuse me.

01:08:01.000 What is this?

01:08:02.000 This is Tartost.

01:08:03.000 Oh, thank you.

01:08:10.000 What am I?

01:08:11.000 What the?

01:08:12.000 Hey, buddy.

01:08:13.000 What the hell, man?

01:08:16.000 What?

01:08:16.000 What do you mean, what?

01:08:17.000 What the hell is this?

01:08:19.000 It's tartast.

01:08:20.000 I just said that.

01:08:21.000 This is not edible.

01:08:23.000 No.

01:08:23.000 It's tar on toast.

01:08:25.000 Oh, did you eat it?

01:08:26.000 Yeah.

01:08:26.000 I ate it.

01:08:27.000 You served it to me.

01:08:28.000 Whoa, I served it to you?

01:08:30.000 Yeah.

01:08:31.000 Is that like street tar?

01:08:33.000 Yeah, it's like street tar.

01:08:34.000 Why did you eat it?

01:08:35.000 Because you told me to.

01:08:38.000 What is wrong with you, man?

01:08:40.000 You asked me what this was.

01:08:41.000 I said it was tar toast.

01:08:43.000 And then you put it in your generation.

01:08:45.000 Tar toast.

01:08:46.000 And the other thing they keep pushing on is always sunny, which I'm like, no.

01:08:51.000 Yeah, I can't get into always sunny.

01:08:52.000 And I know it's funny.

01:08:53.000 It's just like horny.

01:08:56.000 The fact that I know it's funny kind of ruins it for me.

01:08:58.000 Yeah.

01:08:59.000 Is that gay?

01:09:00.000 I don't know.

01:09:00.000 859, you're on the line.

01:09:01.000 It's like Kirby enthusiasm.

01:09:03.000 You can imagine it being true.

01:09:05.000 Sunny is like so obviously fake.

01:09:07.000 It's just a silly world.

01:09:08.000 Yeah.

01:09:09.000 It's like crack.

01:09:10.000 We get it.

01:09:10.000 Crack is wild.

01:09:11.000 Yeah.

01:09:12.000 Yes, sir.

01:09:13.000 Hello?

01:09:15.000 Hey, Gavin.

01:09:16.000 I just want to say thank you for inspiring me to have my first kid.

01:09:21.000 Me and my old lady, we just had our first son.

01:09:24.000 And when he was born, he actually didn't have any eyelids.

01:09:27.000 And we were really freaked out about it.

01:09:30.000 But we had a great doctor, a great surgeon.

01:09:33.000 They actually took care of his eyelids when they did his circumcision.

01:09:38.000 And he's a little cockeyed now, but he's doing great.

01:09:42.000 Thank you, Time Machine Man, for the oldest joke that's ever been said on this show.

01:09:49.000 Congratulations.

01:09:50.000 That sucks.

01:09:51.000 Did you actually have a kid?

01:09:54.000 By the way, speaking of kids, the woman who did our tats, this one, this one, and this one, and this one, just had her baby.

01:10:04.000 We're showing the pic.

01:10:05.000 Showing the pic.

01:10:06.000 Congratulations.

01:10:07.000 Lauren Dowdy's got a little gal.

01:10:09.000 Look at her.

01:10:10.000 A little munchkin, a little blob, a little shrumpy little kid just lying on you.

01:10:17.000 You went through a pretty harrowing experience.

01:10:19.000 It's all over now.

01:10:21.000 Nine months of waiting for this experience.

01:10:24.000 Then you go through tough mutter.

01:10:26.000 You're basically passing gallstones while being punched in the head.

01:10:29.000 The worst sparring.

01:10:30.000 You're sparring Mike Tyson, basically.

01:10:33.000 Go back, dude.

01:10:35.000 Then you finally finish it.

01:10:37.000 And the reward is a little tiny human.

01:10:42.000 I don't mean to get old Joe Biden on your ass, but you got a little human being there lying on you.

01:10:49.000 And it's not any human being.

01:10:51.000 It's a human being you just made.

01:10:55.000 Now, as a dad, you see that and you go, that's fucking awesome.

01:10:59.000 Holy shit, I'm so lucky.

01:11:00.000 I can't believe all this worked out.

01:11:02.000 What was I waiting so long for?

01:11:04.000 You touch them.

01:11:05.000 You touch the baby.

01:11:06.000 You touch your wife.

01:11:07.000 And it's amazing.

01:11:09.000 It's inexplicably wonderful, but it's from afar, in a sense.

01:11:15.000 What she's experiencing is men will never know.

01:11:19.000 And this is what I hate about the whole trans movement.

01:11:21.000 What Lauren is experiencing right now is so beyond her husband, me, the doctors, like it's another universe.

01:11:32.000 Her and her daughter right now are in outer space.

01:11:36.000 They're time traveling.

01:11:37.000 They're in another dimension.

01:11:39.000 They're experiencing, I might even tear up just talking about it.

01:11:42.000 They're experiencing shit that is more intense than we could ever fathom.

01:11:50.000 And it's an honor just to be in the room with them.

01:11:54.000 You're like, you're watching someone time travel and go into another dimension and experience this outer space shit, this magical shit.

01:12:01.000 They're basically at one with God.

01:12:04.000 And we're just like, I'm happy I'm here.

01:12:06.000 But what you must be going through is something else.

01:12:10.000 And hey, Trannys.

01:12:11.000 Hey, Parker Malloy.

01:12:14.000 Hey, Caitlin Chenner.

01:12:16.000 Hey, you pathetic phonies.

01:12:17.000 Who's the one in Vancouver who always fights journalists?

01:12:21.000 Jessica Yaneve.

01:12:22.000 You're not part of this, my friend.

01:12:25.000 Sorry.

01:12:27.000 What you're experiencing is a pale imitation of the reality of womanhood.

01:12:33.000 No, that doesn't mean you're a trans-exclusionary radical feminist.

01:12:37.000 It means that this picture should prove beyond the shadow of a doubt that you can never accrue womanhood.

01:12:48.000 Anyway, let's go behind the paywall now.

01:12:51.000 Goodbye, Cheapskates.

01:12:52.000 I really think you should sign up for censored.tv.

01:12:55.000 No one pays for it besides you.

01:12:58.000 True.

01:12:59.000 So when you see this shit, you're getting my honest opinion and our honest opinions of what's going on in the news.

01:13:07.000 But Bill Gates didn't pay for us to talk about climate change.

01:13:11.000 So it's pretty rare in this day and age you can see cultural commentary that is totally unbiased.

01:13:17.000 And I'm often wrong.

01:13:19.000 People will mail in and go, that wasn't true.

01:13:21.000 That thing you saw was a meme, blah, blah, blah.

01:13:23.000 We correct those things too.

01:13:25.000 We're all learning together.

01:13:26.000 This is not an agenda, which is remarkably rare.

01:13:31.000 All journalists and mainstream media are political activists now.

01:13:35.000 They work at a PR firm.

01:13:37.000 And we've seen that with the death of the internet and how they're burning books on it on a daily basis.

01:13:44.000 Anyway, we're going to keep taking calls.

01:13:46.000 We're going to keep doing the live chats.

01:13:48.000 We're going to talk to you people.

01:13:49.000 But I only want to talk to the people that are willing to pay a beer and a half a month to see this show.

01:13:56.000 The rest of you can go fuck yourselves.

01:13:58.000 So get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.

01:14:03.000 We'll be back in 20 seconds.

01:14:18.000 Brian Catsu Rivera says, did you hear what the news is saying about the bird which is the bald eagle?

01:14:38.000 The bird witch is the bald eagle.

01:14:48.000 It sounds cool when you say the bird witch is the bald eagle.

01:14:56.000 The bird witch is the bald eagle.

01:14:57.000 What are you talking about?

01:15:02.000 The bird witch is the bald eagle.

01:15:08.000 I had the privilege of growing up in a tradition that didn't believe in the myths and the legends because we had to bear the one of them.

01:15:22.000 I don't like the butt chick.

01:15:30.000 I come really, really hard.

01:15:43.000 I just chugged that disgusting.

01:15:49.000 Remember that peanut butter whiskey we had at the studio?

01:15:52.000 What was it called?

01:15:53.000 I fucking forgot.

01:15:55.000 Lamb.

01:15:55.000 The logo is a lamb.

01:15:56.000 It's like a peanut whacker.

01:16:00.000 So this color is, I keep getting all these free boobs because I control people's overtime.

01:16:07.000 So I gotta come by.

01:16:08.000 It's the studio that he works at the Broadcast present here.

01:16:13.000 He brings it to me and I'm like, Angel's Envy.

01:16:15.000 Thanks to the wow, that's really generous.

01:16:20.000 It's fucking rye whiskey.

01:16:23.000 I thought Angel's Envy was just bourbon.

01:16:25.000 Look, it made me fart.

01:16:28.000 I want to shit myself.

01:16:30.000 Hello, you've got a base.

01:16:32.000 It's called Angel's Envy Rye Whiskey Cured in Rum Casks.

01:16:37.000 Come on now, dog.

01:16:39.000 It tastes exactly like that butternut squash fucking peanut butter whiskey.

01:16:45.000 Remember at the old studio?

01:16:47.000 It sat there for two years, untouched.

01:16:49.000 Yep.

01:16:51.000 I just took a swig of this shit.

01:16:53.000 It's exact same fucking garbage.

01:16:55.000 Aren't you embarrassed?

01:16:57.000 Dude, SoCo made me so sick.

01:16:59.000 Remember SoCo and Captain Morgan?

01:17:01.000 You probably never, when those came out, they were big in the in my, I don't know if they came out, but like when we were drinking.

01:17:07.000 Wait, is this Joe Biden?

01:17:09.000 When we were drinking, man, we were drinking in high school.

01:17:11.000 It would be, somebody got a big thing of Southern Comfort.

01:17:14.000 It's like, man, it's so sweet.

01:17:18.000 Oh.

01:17:19.000 I don't mind Southern Comfort.

01:17:20.000 Dude, that had to have been shit.

01:17:22.000 No, it's fine.

01:17:22.000 Are you kidding?

01:17:24.000 I heard bubbles.

01:17:25.000 I have a fluffy anus.

01:17:26.000 I don't know what that means, but I doubt it.

01:17:28.000 I'm smelling cobalt right now, by the way.

01:17:30.000 I'm at a power plant.

01:17:32.000 Well, that brings me back to my power plant days.

01:17:36.000 We got Ray on the leg.

01:17:38.000 619, you're on the line.

01:17:41.000 619, what's up, guys?

01:17:42.000 What's up, dude?

01:17:44.000 Hey, yeah, I'll be quick here.

01:17:47.000 Just wondering if there's a little bit of advice.

01:17:51.000 I'm going to be running into a pretty large sum of money.

01:17:56.000 Hey, can I just stop you here?

01:17:59.000 Can I just stop you?

01:18:01.000 Sure, you're like, just a little bit of advice.

01:18:04.000 I'm going to make it quick here.

01:18:05.000 You don't need any of that.

01:18:08.000 Just dive right into it.

01:18:09.000 I'm about to be rich.

01:18:11.000 Should I blah, blah, blah.

01:18:13.000 Yeah, let's try it from the stop.

01:18:14.000 All right, from the start.

01:18:15.000 619?

01:18:16.000 Dive right in.

01:18:16.000 Hey, caller, what's going on?

01:18:18.000 619, you're on the line.

01:18:20.000 I'm about to get a boatload of money, and I don't really, you know, I'm a cheap at-heart kind of guy.

01:18:26.000 Well, sir, sir, sir.

01:18:27.000 What are you talking about?

01:18:28.000 Looking forward to having my first kit soon.

01:18:30.000 Obviously, I'm going to be getting a house and, you know, all that shit.

01:18:33.000 How much are we talking here?

01:18:37.000 It's going to be seven, seven figures, at least.

01:18:40.000 1.2 million?

01:18:42.000 Yeah.

01:18:44.000 Yeah, yeah, at least.

01:18:45.000 Okay.

01:18:46.000 Here's what you do, my friend.

01:18:48.000 I've been in this boat a few times now.

01:18:52.000 You allot some celebration money, like say 40 grand, right?

01:19:00.000 It's going to be a fun vacation.

01:19:02.000 You go to Paris.

01:19:02.000 I don't know.

01:19:03.000 No holds part.

01:19:04.000 Excuse me.

01:19:04.000 Hold on a sec.

01:19:06.000 Deadload.

01:19:08.000 And you enjoy yourself.

01:19:10.000 You should enjoy yourself.

01:19:11.000 You won the lottery.

01:19:12.000 I don't know if your uncle died, whatever.

01:19:14.000 You got a bunch of money.

01:19:16.000 So a lot, some celebration money.

01:19:20.000 The celebration money should be 5% or less of what you got.

01:19:27.000 The rest goes away.

01:19:30.000 It goes away to investments, to really conservative, boring investments.

01:19:36.000 You get a good investment firm like Alliance Bernstein, and you give them the money, and you say, invest this like I'm the least adventurous person in the world.

01:19:50.000 Invest this like I'm fucking 82.

01:19:53.000 I don't want anything mirror.

01:19:55.000 I don't want cryptocurrency.

01:19:57.000 I don't want you to invest in graffiti or anything.

01:20:00.000 So you give it to a, unless you're one of these nerds that is obsessed with investing and you can watch your stocks every two seconds, which you don't sound like you are.

01:20:09.000 So you give it to a very, like the Walmart Costco of brokerage firms, right?

01:20:15.000 Take the 40 out for yourself.

01:20:17.000 By the way, get yourself a Jew to handle all your day-to-day accounting.

01:20:22.000 I mean, look at him.

01:20:23.000 He's pimping.

01:20:25.000 And give the rest of the money to the brokerage firm.

01:20:28.000 Don't check on it much.

01:20:29.000 Okay.

01:20:31.000 And so don't go crazy.

01:20:34.000 Like, say you have 1.2.

01:20:35.000 Don't think of yourself as having 1.2.

01:20:38.000 Because if this shit hits the fan, 1.2 is not that much for the rest of your life.

01:20:45.000 So don't think of it as existing.

01:20:47.000 That's what I was, you know, I was wondering, yeah, if you were like an investments guy or should I go for my fucking dream, which, you know, real estate isn't that big.

01:20:54.000 I want to open like a little sports bar or something, but I don't know the full ins and outs of it.

01:20:59.000 And, you know, so I'm going, I could do that, but, you know, if it just flops, you know, in a couple of days.

01:21:04.000 I want you to open a sports bar with someone else's money.

01:21:07.000 If you really want to open a sports bar, that's something we can do at a snail's pace.

01:21:13.000 You can work in a sports bar for a while.

01:21:16.000 The way people blow their money and sports stars do this with car washes all the time is they go to the end of the equation, right?

01:21:23.000 And they're like, I own a fucking chain of muffin stands.

01:21:27.000 And they went under.

01:21:28.000 The way you build a chain of muffin stands is you start selling muffins.

01:21:32.000 You know, I've always wanted to own a bar, and I think I might one day, but I might hate it.

01:21:38.000 Like, the problem with owning a bar is you're now the captive audience, and if there's four duds sitting at the bar, you have to talk to them.

01:21:47.000 So you might hate it, and you've got to give yourself that out.

01:21:51.000 The best way to spend money is to spend other people's money.

01:21:55.000 If it's a good investment, they won't be mad.

01:21:58.000 And if it's a bad investment, then they lose money and you don't.

01:22:01.000 So my biggest piece of advice would be don't think of yourself as having $1.2 million.

01:22:07.000 You don't.

01:22:08.000 You have a nest egg that you put away and you have, you just won $40,000.

01:22:16.000 So go on a fun trip.

01:22:17.000 And when you're ready to buy some property, buy some property.

01:22:20.000 But baby steps.

01:22:22.000 Like, you need a year not to spend more than the 40 bonus I'm giving you because you've got to get your head straight.

01:22:29.000 Right, right.

01:22:31.000 Cool.

01:22:31.000 Anyway, it's a good problem to have, buddy.

01:22:33.000 Congratulations.

01:22:35.000 Thanks for calling.

01:22:35.000 All right.

01:22:36.000 Thanks for calling.

01:22:36.000 Love you.

01:22:37.000 Congratulations.

01:22:40.000 I said thanks for calling first.

01:22:42.000 I don't know.

01:22:42.000 It's kind of like if there was a replay, that would help.

01:22:45.000 Let's do it.

01:22:46.000 It was close.

01:22:47.000 Let's do it.

01:22:47.000 Can we do it?

01:22:48.000 Oh, yeah, let's see.

01:22:52.000 Hold on.

01:22:53.000 The umps.

01:22:53.000 Are you checking the tape?

01:22:55.000 Yeah, no, he got it.

01:22:55.000 Did I give you that hat?

01:22:57.000 Yes.

01:22:58.000 You gave it to me in the weirdest way ever.

01:23:01.000 You pushed it out of my vagina?

01:23:04.000 That would be the weirdest way ever, no?

01:23:06.000 The second weirdest way ever, where you're just like, I got a hat and you just threw it at me?

01:23:11.000 That's how men give gays.

01:23:12.000 I got you a hat from fucking blah, blah, blah.

01:23:14.000 No, that's gay.

01:23:16.000 Men give presents like this.

01:23:19.000 They got this hat.

01:23:20.000 He wants his fucking gay hat.

01:23:21.000 My kid doesn't want it.

01:23:24.000 You can have it.

01:23:26.000 Yeah, that's how I got it.

01:23:28.000 541, you're on the lawn.

01:23:30.000 Stop saying that.

01:23:31.000 It was Neil.

01:23:32.000 On the lawn?

01:23:33.000 I know.

01:23:33.000 It's annoying.

01:23:34.000 You're on the line.

01:23:36.000 Jeez.

01:23:37.000 Reheart.

01:23:39.000 Jeez.

01:23:40.000 Fucking irritating.

01:23:41.000 How about the other day when he asked me to get him a cough cough, meaning coffee?

01:23:45.000 That was off the air.

01:23:46.000 That was in confidence.

01:23:48.000 Thanks for calling me back, guys.

01:23:50.000 I'm glad you get a chance to talk to me.

01:23:52.000 Okay.

01:23:53.000 What do you got?

01:23:54.000 And that wasn't annoying?

01:23:55.000 Fuck you guys.

01:23:56.000 No, that was funny.

01:23:57.000 That was gay.

01:23:58.000 That's called funny.

01:23:58.000 No, it wasn't.

01:23:59.000 I'm not laughing.

01:24:00.000 I'm laughing.

01:24:01.000 No, you're not.

01:24:02.000 Yes, I am.

01:24:03.000 I'm looking at you.

01:24:05.000 I'm laughing in my pubes.

01:24:07.000 Anyway, what's going on, guy?

01:24:09.000 Guy, my name's Derek.

01:24:11.000 I was just calling for some dating advice.

01:24:14.000 I recently have been talking to a lady in Colorado.

01:24:17.000 I live in Oregon, and I don't know that she would be interested in dating me.

01:24:22.000 It's kind of a long-distance situation.

01:24:25.000 But, you know, I have a kid.

01:24:27.000 She doesn't have a kid.

01:24:29.000 And I'm in a wheelchair.

01:24:31.000 So I didn't know what kind of thoughts she would have about a situation like that.

01:24:37.000 Why are you divorced?

01:24:38.000 How does someone in a wheelchair get dumped?

01:24:41.000 Well, I don't know.

01:24:44.000 My ex-wife's a piece of shit.

01:24:46.000 She left me.

01:24:47.000 How old is the kid?

01:24:50.000 15.

01:24:52.000 Okay, that's pretty late.

01:24:53.000 Do your legs work?

01:24:54.000 No.

01:24:55.000 Does your penis work?

01:24:57.000 Yes.

01:24:58.000 So where does everything stop working?

01:25:03.000 I mean, like, it's partial.

01:25:05.000 Like, anything from the neck down is pretty much partially works.

01:25:10.000 Like, I'm considered a quadriplegic, but, you know, like, some things work.

01:25:14.000 I can feel my complete body.

01:25:17.000 Everything on my body I can feel, but I can't, like, move everything on my body.

01:25:22.000 So she could suck your toes or something and be like, thanks.

01:25:27.000 No, I mean, I have sex.

01:25:28.000 I've had sex plenty of times.

01:25:30.000 I've had plenty of girlfriends since my ex-wife.

01:25:32.000 It's funny how you guys keep getting pussy like Crip Daddy.

01:25:36.000 I know so many healthy, six-foot-tall men.

01:25:39.000 They're like, I can't find a date.

01:25:40.000 And then I find Crip Daddy, who's basically a crumpled-up shrimp.

01:25:44.000 And he's like, yeah, I gotta go.

01:25:48.000 Yeah, like Crip, he's like way worse off than I am.

01:25:52.000 And I definitely, like, whatever.

01:25:54.000 I can get around like by myself and take care of myself 100%.

01:25:58.000 But, I mean, I can't change a light bulb in the ceiling, obviously.

01:26:01.000 But everything other than that.

01:26:02.000 Well, my advice would be, as a cripple, take whatever you can get.

01:26:06.000 Yes.

01:26:07.000 Lie, cheat, steal, whatever it takes to stay alive.

01:26:10.000 If it was his cave days, you'd have a giant rock on your head right now.

01:26:16.000 So I shouldn't offer myself.

01:26:18.000 I should keep trying?

01:26:19.000 Yes.

01:26:20.000 Well, yeah.

01:26:21.000 If this girl shows any interest, say yes.

01:26:27.000 Could you call her for me?

01:26:29.000 Yes.

01:26:30.000 What's her number?

01:26:31.000 Well, don't say her number on the air.

01:26:33.000 Can you send it to Ryan?

01:26:36.000 Yeah, absolutely.

01:26:37.000 He can call her for me.

01:26:38.000 Yeah.

01:26:39.000 No, not Ryan, you.

01:26:40.000 Ryan's a retardant.

01:26:41.000 I can still call her.

01:26:42.000 Send Ryan the number.

01:26:43.000 I will call her right now.

01:26:45.000 Or email it to mailbag at censor.tv.

01:26:48.000 There you go.

01:26:50.000 Okay.

01:26:51.000 Not so retarded now.

01:26:53.000 No, you're not.

01:26:54.000 No, you had a moderately normal inclination.

01:26:58.000 Yep.

01:26:59.000 I'm too lazy to be Japanese due to the Puerto Rican nature of myself.

01:27:03.000 Oh, dude.

01:27:04.000 We got to do a Puerto Rican guide tomorrow.

01:27:06.000 Okay.

01:27:07.000 I'd rather not.

01:27:08.000 All signs are pointing towards it.

01:27:10.000 I don't see how we cannot.

01:27:12.000 And we should cover 10 things I've learned about Puerto Ricans.

01:27:16.000 And you should get heavily involved, especially when it comes to the weird thing with the S, which I can't really explain.

01:27:23.000 You know what I mean?

01:27:23.000 Yeah.

01:27:24.000 Well, I'll save it for then.

01:27:25.000 But yeah, there is an S thing.

01:27:28.000 John Laguziano is like, yeah.

01:27:32.000 Phil.

01:27:33.000 956.

01:27:35.000 You're on the line.

01:27:38.000 I wanted to take control of this platform as a way to come out as a proud member of the Rad Zone and a pro-FroBro of Ryan Catsu Rivera.

01:27:55.000 I like the way this guy's thinking, man.

01:27:57.000 Come here.

01:27:57.000 Come on.

01:27:59.000 And I was hoping if it wasn't too much troll, if I could just get a detailed description of his penis.

01:28:06.000 Sounds like we got a fag on the line, boys.

01:28:09.000 Rad zone.

01:28:10.000 Sounds like we got a homo coming in this show, boys.

01:28:15.000 It's a lot thicker than it is long.

01:28:17.000 He's got chode, man.

01:28:21.000 I got like 26 other things I wanted to bring up, too.

01:28:25.000 Okay, well, that's it for you.

01:28:26.000 Thanks for calling.

01:28:27.000 Why don't you show your dick right now, Ryan?

01:28:30.000 I'm not going to do that.

01:28:31.000 Why not?

01:28:32.000 Because I've got a child in this world and I've got dignity all of a sudden.

01:28:35.000 Sorry, ladies.

01:28:37.000 So your child's going to go, yeah, I used to love my dad, but on his vidcast.

01:28:41.000 And another thing is my wife, man.

01:28:43.000 My wife married me.

01:28:44.000 That's her penis, man.

01:28:45.000 That's not my penis.

01:28:47.000 We got to share everybody's penis.

01:28:48.000 We got to know what she was.

01:28:49.000 Are you the mumbling guy from King of the Hill?

01:28:51.000 Man, I don't know, man.

01:28:52.000 America's about more than just sniffing kids' heads.

01:28:55.000 Nothing sniffing kids' heads.

01:28:56.000 The pool's got chlorine in it, man.

01:28:58.000 You got to take a dip.

01:29:00.000 You merged two characters.

01:29:02.000 Yes.

01:29:03.000 Did that guy send you the number now?

01:29:04.000 I want to call her.

01:29:06.000 Let's see.

01:29:09.000 What's the S thing somebody asked?

01:29:11.000 Isn't it weird how you give someone an opportunity like that?

01:29:14.000 Well, give him a quadriblegic amount of time to do it.

01:29:20.000 I don't know if it boops, but 541, you're on the road.

01:29:24.000 My wife, man.

01:29:25.000 My wife married me.

01:29:27.000 Hey, that's the show.

01:29:28.000 Hey, we can hear this.

01:29:29.000 You know what's funny?

01:29:30.000 You hear the show in the background, you're like, that sounds like a funny show.

01:29:34.000 That sounds like that show, yeah.

01:29:38.000 What's up, guys?

01:29:39.000 What's up, guy?

01:29:40.000 What up, nigga?

01:29:42.000 Hey, I want to go.

01:29:43.000 What's up, nigga?

01:29:44.000 Oh, shit.

01:29:47.000 I want to say thank you, Kevin, for making foreskins great again.

01:29:52.000 Giving me a lot of confidence.

01:29:54.000 God's plan.

01:29:56.000 With having a foreskin, and I just wanted to say, from all of us foreskin havers, that I appreciate it.

01:30:03.000 You know what?

01:30:03.000 I just learned about a foreskin like a year ago.

01:30:07.000 You don't need lube.

01:30:11.000 I used to pull back my foreskin and go to put it in a lady.

01:30:14.000 No, you put your foreskin forward.

01:30:17.000 You put the foreskin together at her pussy lips, right?

01:30:22.000 And then you go into the pussy.

01:30:30.000 Oh, usually by that time, you're already pretty stiff and that thing's already pulled back.

01:30:35.000 No, no, no, no.

01:30:36.000 Don't do that.

01:30:37.000 I don't care.

01:30:38.000 Then pull it forward again.

01:30:40.000 Put the foreskin over your boner and put it up against her pussy lips.

01:30:45.000 And then this, this, the head never touches the world.

01:30:52.000 Similarly, if you want to fuck a chick up the ass, you can do the exact same thing.

01:30:59.000 Like, there's no need For lube, it's almost like a space capsule where, like, I go into the chamber and I never see the outside world because there's an intermediary stage with the foreskin.

01:31:13.000 Yeah, avoid that old poop shoot if at all possible.

01:31:16.000 Maybe we're getting it advanced.

01:31:18.000 I don't want you to get monkeypox, but if you fucking check, she could be dry as a fucking bone.

01:31:23.000 Bane.

01:31:24.000 And you just put the foreskin up against the lips and I moved with a girl for shit.

01:31:29.000 Wait, what?

01:31:30.000 Two years?

01:31:31.000 She had blown my bink, and she didn't know for like two years that I wasn't cut.

01:31:39.000 And then I guess one night she came home from work and try to give me a blowjob while I was sleeping on the couch.

01:31:47.000 And she found out after like two years, and she was all kind of like, I had no idea.

01:31:53.000 So you sound southern.

01:31:56.000 Why are you uncircumcised?

01:31:58.000 I never brought it up.

01:32:01.000 My mom's kind of a hippie when she grew up.

01:32:03.000 She had me pretty young.

01:32:05.000 Yeah.

01:32:06.000 I live in Oregon, actually, kind of like I think one of the previous callers.

01:32:10.000 Southern Oregon, not like those fags up in Portland down here in southern Oregon.

01:32:15.000 We actually got some nuts.

01:32:16.000 This is Trump country.

01:32:18.000 All right, buddy.

01:32:19.000 Well, thanks for calling.

01:32:20.000 This is great info.

01:32:21.000 You know, we had, I was talking to a guy the other night whose uncle was a Jesuit, like a priest who goes around the world trying to convert people to Catholicism or Christianity, whatever.

01:32:34.000 And I go, yeah, he was in Japan.

01:32:37.000 He was in South Korea for like seven years.

01:32:41.000 I go, there's plenty of places that need saving in America.

01:32:46.000 It's called the south side of Chicago.

01:32:48.000 It's called Baltimore.

01:32:50.000 Like, why didn't he choose that?

01:32:52.000 And he goes, it's not up to you.

01:32:54.000 You don't choose it.

01:32:56.000 The diocese, whatever the fuck it is, says, you're on your way to the Congo now.

01:33:01.000 And they decide.

01:33:04.000 But why wouldn't you fix your house?

01:33:06.000 Why would you go get on a plane and go fix your neighbor's house when your house is falling apart?

01:33:15.000 Stay here.

01:33:16.000 I'm a nationalist.

01:33:17.000 If you want to spread Christianity, God bless you, literally.

01:33:21.000 But like spread it in the slums of America.

01:33:26.000 Why the fuck are you in a butt-fucked, shitty, retarded country like Korea?

01:33:33.000 Like they're obsessed with plastic surgery.

01:33:36.000 It's another universe.

01:33:37.000 You're basically in outer space.

01:33:39.000 If you're in Asia, Tokyo is on Mars, right?

01:33:44.000 It's on Mars.

01:33:46.000 That video we saw, well, you didn't see it, but we showed it, the picture from it.

01:33:51.000 And it's the worst thing that's happened to me this year.

01:33:54.000 And I watched a Chinese child drown, an eight-year-old boy drown in a pool in China.

01:34:01.000 I wish I had not seen it.

01:34:03.000 I would do anything to remove it from my brain.

01:34:05.000 But people were walking by him.

01:34:08.000 People watched him die the same way you might watch a millipede die.

01:34:14.000 And they just didn't give a fuck.

01:34:15.000 And I'm like, you're different.

01:34:18.000 You don't need Christianity.

01:34:19.000 I'm not spreading it there.

01:34:20.000 I might get there when North America is at 100% and Europe is at 100%.

01:34:26.000 Okay.

01:34:27.000 Maybe we can go start with like North Africa.

01:34:31.000 Maybe some Eastern European countries, maybe?

01:34:35.000 But like, he spent seven years in South Korea?

01:34:40.000 Gross.

01:34:41.000 By the way, we've had no live chats.

01:34:43.000 What's with the super chats?

01:34:46.000 Ryan, those should just be a column up the side.

01:34:50.000 I'm not a dude, don't you think?

01:34:52.000 That would have been exposed when I checked into a Russia prison.

01:34:55.000 I have three chromosomes.

01:34:57.000 Many of us with this condition are born with our dicks and look like chicks.

01:35:02.000 First of all, I have a bad feeling that's not Brittany Grenier.

01:35:07.000 Secondly, you are a dude, dude.

01:35:09.000 And your DNA is about to be exposed.

01:35:12.000 I think it's possible that Russia planted this shit on you because they wanted this news story.

01:35:22.000 You know what?

01:35:23.000 If your country is at war with the, as far as landmass goes, the largest country in the world, maybe don't play basketball there.

01:35:33.000 Say, I'm taking a timeout.

01:35:36.000 Would you rather your nose whistle every time you breathe or be constantly clearing your throat?

01:35:43.000 It's a good one, actually.

01:35:45.000 One of the top 10 creepiest things that ever happened to me was I was about 16 years old, lying with a girl that I had just booned.

01:35:55.000 And I liked her very much.

01:35:57.000 And every time I breathed, my nose would make a whistle.

01:36:01.000 Every time you broke.

01:36:02.000 Every time I broathed, my nose would make a whistle.

01:36:06.000 And made me feel very embarrassed.

01:36:14.000 Next call.

01:36:15.000 Okay.

01:36:16.000 We have...

01:36:17.000 No sign from the GIMP, by the way.

01:36:21.000 Maybe he was lying.

01:36:22.000 Mikey.

01:36:24.000 Mikey!

01:36:26.000 Come on, man.

01:36:28.000 Mike!

01:36:31.000 That guy fucking gave it.

01:36:34.000 Mike!

01:36:37.000 I'm fucking sweating my balls off!

01:36:40.000 Just go somewhere else.

01:36:41.000 Just fucking leave.

01:36:43.000 Mike!

01:36:43.000 He's fucking sleeping.

01:36:45.000 He's asleep.

01:36:47.000 $10 is a fucking deal, man.

01:36:50.000 Just come back fucking later.

01:36:51.000 He's sleeping.

01:36:52.000 Come on, Mike!

01:36:54.000 Just shut the fuck up and leave.

01:36:56.000 Mike!

01:36:58.000 Mike!

01:37:01.000 Shut the fuck up and leave.

01:37:03.000 He literally does that.

01:37:05.000 The charge thing.

01:37:06.000 He just leaves.

01:37:07.000 He's up to leave.

01:37:10.000 Alright, guys.

01:37:12.000 Holy shit.

01:37:15.000 Just fall down the stairs?

01:37:17.000 Get up.

01:37:17.000 You clumsy.

01:37:18.000 Back on the phone.

01:37:20.000 Pat Dixon needs to go on studio.

01:37:22.000 Pray for Joshua Cash.

01:37:23.000 MDE.

01:37:24.000 World Peace should be in the top 10 comedies.

01:37:26.000 Oh, true.

01:37:27.000 Good night, faggot.

01:37:28.000 Good call.

01:37:29.000 That hurts.

01:37:31.000 Well, the faggot part.

01:37:32.000 I got to admit, you know what's weird?

01:37:34.000 I never thought of that.

01:37:36.000 MDE?

01:37:36.000 Yeah.

01:37:37.000 Well, yeah, because the story became, they got fucked over.

01:37:41.000 So the content is like almost in a different realm.

01:37:45.000 That's unusual.

01:37:46.000 It's like the fact that they got fucked over by Josh Libenstein, whatever the fuck his name was.

01:37:52.000 Jode Bernstein.

01:37:54.000 Yeah.

01:37:55.000 Yeah, the other guy.

01:37:56.000 When I go into my files and I look under funny shows, it's not there.

01:38:01.000 Yeah.

01:38:01.000 When I go in my files under people who've been fucked over by cancel culture, it's at the front.

01:38:06.000 Right.

01:38:08.000 So this is intense.

01:38:11.000 They've erased the...

01:38:12.000 Because they erased the jovial nature of the show.

01:38:14.000 They erased all the funniness that that show brought the world.

01:38:19.000 Wow.

01:38:21.000 Yeah.

01:38:22.000 That is fucking funny.

01:38:23.000 That's weird.

01:38:24.000 They made them into a political pariah, which they were not going for.

01:38:28.000 Sam Hyde was just trying to be funny, and he did an incredible job.

01:38:32.000 He did a great job.

01:38:34.000 But Jewbag took that funniness from my brain, removed it, and put it in a new political file.

01:38:44.000 Which is a kind of a victory for him.

01:38:47.000 Because he's clearly mad that Sam is funny.

01:38:51.000 And he wants some sort of revenge.

01:38:55.000 Dude.

01:39:00.000 How you doing, Nasquita?

01:39:01.000 Listen up and listen good.

01:39:03.000 Since the beginning of recorded history, the white man's been coming up with technologies, cultures, civilizations worth keeping, worth saving, worth giving a damn about.

01:39:17.000 Thank you, white man, for inventing the computer, the microwave, computer, medicine, electricity, sanitation, theory of evolution, the radio, the pencil, Western law,

01:39:32.000 cotton candy, freedom of speech, the sewing machine, discover our DNA, the atom, discover us the cell, the camera, Christless, and Wu Was Kane.

01:39:50.000 It's working.

01:39:54.000 Thank you, white people.

01:39:56.000 Thank you for creating a society where people don't shit in the street or beat their kids all day.

01:40:02.000 And thank you for letting us use your pristine, clean emergency rooms.

01:40:07.000 And thank you for all the free money.

01:40:08.000 Wow.

01:40:09.000 Oh, and by the way, did you know I'm 1-8 Hoppy Indian?

01:40:16.000 I don't give a fuck about that.

01:40:23.000 They skipped the Asian, which is the funny part.

01:40:26.000 It's like, yeah, you're good.

01:40:28.000 Yeah, you're fine.

01:40:30.000 Excuse me, Mr. Yoohoo.

01:40:32.000 Hi, hi.

01:40:33.000 thanks for giving women the vote.

01:40:45.000 What happened to your boulder, goy?

01:40:47.000 I don't know.

01:40:48.000 I wasn't looking.

01:40:49.000 Next thing I knew, boulder's gone.

01:40:51.000 I guess I'm a stupid goy.

01:40:55.000 You're white.

01:40:57.000 You're white.

01:41:00.000 That's an insult to Jews.

01:41:02.000 You're white.

01:41:03.000 I say that to my neighbors that terrorize my children and my wife.

01:41:07.000 I go, you know that you're all rich white people who terrorized a Native American family, right?

01:41:13.000 Yeah.

01:41:14.000 Like when this shows up in court and I sue you, it's going to appear in the court documents as all white neighborhood.

01:41:23.000 And you can say, well, we're half Jewish, whatever.

01:41:26.000 All white neighborhood ostracizes Native American family.

01:41:31.000 Why'd you do that?

01:41:32.000 Brandon?

01:41:33.000 At least give us a break.

01:41:34.000 Brandon, you work in ESG at one of the top investment firms in the world.

01:41:39.000 What are they called again?

01:41:42.000 I forget what they're called.

01:41:44.000 But your job.

01:42:30.000 like, oh, no, you're good.

01:42:31.000 Just for the white people.

01:42:33.000 Yeah.

01:42:33.000 Then he gets mad.

01:42:34.000 Yeah.

01:42:36.000 I said that joke in my music group and it got a little quiet with some of my more.

01:42:40.000 Yeah, Italians get rid of him with that.

01:42:42.000 I love that joke.

01:42:43.000 I told you that a million years ago with Tommy Bags.

01:42:46.000 Oh, yeah, yeah.

01:42:46.000 Back in my cool gym.

01:42:48.000 Yeah.

01:42:49.000 He's like, fuck, it's hot in here, right?

01:42:51.000 And they go, dude, imagine you were white.

01:42:54.000 I'm fucking boiling alive here.

01:42:56.000 Oh, my God.

01:42:57.000 You're lucky.

01:42:58.000 They hate it.

01:42:59.000 Dude, he would sweat so much.

01:43:02.000 He's called Tommy Bags because he has bags of money because he replenishes ATM machines.

01:43:07.000 He should be called Aquaman.

01:43:09.000 The fucking, you need to literally mop the heavy bag underneath him because it's so drenched.

01:43:18.000 And I've sparred with him, and he's, like all good fighters, he knows not to kill me.

01:43:24.000 So he takes it easy.

01:43:26.000 And if I do like a good combination, he's like, all right, he'll say good, and then he'll give me a few wallops.

01:43:32.000 But I've gotten his fucking spit, his not spit, his sweat in my eyeball.

01:43:39.000 I've felt one of his globules go into my actual eyeball, and I've blinked.

01:43:45.000 So if he has AIDS, I got AIDS.

01:43:47.000 I don't know if that's how AIDS works, but that is disgusting.

01:43:51.000 Instead of a step jab, he does like a slip jab.

01:43:54.000 I sweat a lot too during the boxing, too.

01:43:56.000 Did you notice?

01:43:57.000 Fucking gross.

01:43:58.000 It's like a lot.

01:43:59.000 No, nothing.

01:44:00.000 You know what would be cool, dude?

01:44:02.000 What's up?

01:44:03.000 At our new shitty gym with the fucking bullshit.

01:44:07.000 We're not in a real gym, just so you know.

01:44:09.000 We're at an abandoned Mad Max aerobicized gym.

01:44:15.000 But it would be cool on the Friday night fights if I could bring in the guys from my old gym.

01:44:21.000 We're all still friends.

01:44:23.000 We got our female on the line.

01:44:25.000 Oh, hello?

01:44:26.000 From our crippled buddy.

01:44:28.000 Oh, are you the crippled chick?

01:44:29.000 KB.

01:44:32.000 Yes?

01:44:33.000 So you're considering dating a severely crippled man?

01:44:38.000 Yes, I am.

01:44:39.000 So you're mentally handicapped.

01:44:40.000 That's good.

01:44:41.000 Are you far away from him?

01:44:44.000 Yes, I am.

01:44:45.000 I live a few states away.

01:44:47.000 And how old are you?

01:44:51.000 35.

01:44:53.000 So you don't have any interests or hopes for kids of your own, I guess?

01:45:00.000 No, not really.

01:45:01.000 It's not really happening.

01:45:03.000 What happened?

01:45:03.000 Why did you snooze so long?

01:45:05.000 You lost?

01:45:07.000 I don't know, really.

01:45:10.000 Do you watch this show?

01:45:12.000 Are you familiar with Get Off My Lawn?

01:45:15.000 I am.

01:45:16.000 Oh.

01:45:17.000 Okay.

01:45:18.000 So why are you interested in a man whose body does not work?

01:45:26.000 I don't know.

01:45:27.000 He's a nice guy.

01:45:28.000 His heart still works, doesn't it?

01:45:30.000 Yeah.

01:45:32.000 My advice would be dump his crippled ass.

01:45:36.000 Sorry.

01:45:38.000 Nothing's happening there.

01:45:39.000 Take the handles and push forward.

01:45:41.000 Dump for him.

01:45:41.000 Sorry.

01:45:42.000 I don't even think he'd be mad.

01:45:45.000 Like, if you went behind him and you were near a ditch and you were just like, sorry, he'd be like, oh, I get it.

01:45:54.000 Like, at least you could take a refugee, some Syrian four with a weird beard with no mustache, and he'd at least be able to take you out for ice cream.

01:46:07.000 True.

01:46:08.000 You have low, like, if you date a GIMP, you have low self-esteem.

01:46:11.000 I'm sorry.

01:46:13.000 But on the real, though, if you did get with him, you know.

01:46:15.000 But on the real, we're about to get on the real, yo.

01:46:18.000 I just laughed so hard.

01:46:19.000 You got fucking...

01:46:21.000 We're about to get some Bronx advice.

01:46:23.000 Yo, I'm going to tell you nigga from Co-op City.

01:46:25.000 Yo, on some real shit.

01:46:27.000 You thought you were like, it's too late for kids.

01:46:29.000 You get with this dude, you inherit a kid.

01:46:31.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:46:32.000 Y'all got to go through that baby diaper shit.

01:46:34.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:46:34.000 You got a kid who can play basketball with you.

01:46:37.000 Yeah, I hope this guy doesn't cancel his subscription, but if you're in a wheelchair, you're not dateable.

01:46:43.000 Sorry.

01:46:44.000 Honestly, what?

01:46:44.000 She was going to say.

01:46:45.000 All right.

01:46:46.000 Wait, what were you going to say?

01:46:47.000 No, I'm going to dump him.

01:46:49.000 I'm going to get rid of him.

01:46:50.000 Yeah, just dump him.

01:46:51.000 Get an ugly guy.

01:46:53.000 At least ugly guys are mobile.

01:46:56.000 True.

01:46:57.000 All right.

01:46:57.000 Thanks for calling.

01:46:58.000 By the way, I'd like to fuck you next time I'm in town.

01:47:01.000 Oh, no.

01:47:02.000 Les Ryan Moore Sylvia.

01:47:04.000 Sylvia spelled wrong.

01:47:05.000 S-Y.

01:47:06.000 You think Sylvia would know how to spell her own name?

01:47:08.000 Sylvia.

01:47:09.000 I mean, the fuck?

01:47:11.000 She fucking...

01:47:14.000 We haven't plugged the live show.

01:47:15.000 Guys, we are.

01:47:15.000 I like how I drive down there in what I consider my pajamas.

01:47:22.000 And I sorry, my mind just went blank.

01:47:30.000 You're just thinking of you in pajamas?

01:47:31.000 No, I assume at the show, Dallas tickets.

01:47:35.000 I think we had too many gigs.

01:47:37.000 We opened up Dallas into four gigs.

01:47:39.000 We're having trouble selling all four gigs.

01:47:41.000 I think it's the confusion, right?

01:47:43.000 Yeah, we oversold it.

01:47:45.000 So we were like, oh, we need to open up like three more days or two more days.

01:47:50.000 So it went from one show to four shows.

01:47:53.000 And now I'm worried it's going to be like empty on one of the days.

01:47:58.000 The thing, it's a little confusing how to buy them on there.

01:48:00.000 Oh, let's see if we could walk.

01:48:02.000 I'm doing Glenn Beck the day of that show.

01:48:04.000 Maybe that'll help.

01:48:06.000 But I did have, you know, when you have the terrors at night?

01:48:09.000 My two tears were I'm bald and Dallas is going to be a flop.

01:48:14.000 So here, guys, if you go to, you know, what is it called?

01:48:17.000 Tanurl.com slash censored live.

01:48:19.000 You go to the Dallas part of that.

01:48:22.000 Friday, Saturday, select a date.

01:48:24.000 That's where you can obviously select a date.

01:48:27.000 And it tells you there's two shows on each day.

01:48:30.000 And so it's a little confusing.

01:48:32.000 We're losing to the fucking Braves right now.

01:48:36.000 But then when you get there, you can see that there's different times.

01:48:39.000 Shit.

01:48:40.000 Fuck.

01:48:43.000 There's different times.

01:48:44.000 And you know what?

01:48:45.000 For the later shows, I'm thinking maybe you'll get a kind of a wilder, sloppier show.

01:48:50.000 We got some drinks in us by this time.

01:48:53.000 So you might see a really wild-ass show.

01:48:55.000 If you want to play it a little safe and see, like, oh, I have like a nice show.

01:48:58.000 No, that's bullshit.

01:48:59.000 Shut up.

01:48:59.000 It's going to be intense.

01:49:00.000 Shit up.

01:49:01.000 The last ones, I think.

01:49:03.000 Now, the early ones, still going to be a lot of fun, too.

01:49:10.000 Yeah.

01:49:11.000 You were in your pajamas, you went over to Sil's house.

01:49:13.000 Oh, yeah.

01:49:13.000 Sorry.

01:49:13.000 So I went over to Silva's.

01:49:14.000 That's what we're doing.

01:49:15.000 Sorry.

01:49:16.000 So I run down to her house to save her life, and I'm thinking about whether I have to French kiss her or not.

01:49:23.000 And then she's like, what, you couldn't get me a glass of water?

01:49:29.000 Yeah.

01:49:30.000 No wonder the cops said she's a pain in the ass.

01:49:34.000 Hey, Gab, I bet you can't say the letter E, but make your mouth an O shape 2.

01:49:40.000 E. E. E. Rye, can you do a Crowder or Ethan Klein impression?

01:49:48.000 I could probably do a Crowder.

01:49:51.000 Ethan Klein, I probably can't do because he's too swarthy, and I can't even start to do an Ethan Klein impression.

01:49:57.000 No, I can say, like, Crowder talks so fast, he must be on Coke.

01:50:00.000 I think people don't understand how Coke works.

01:50:03.000 It's just like three coffees.

01:50:06.000 Please leave your message for Soviet Auditing.

01:50:11.000 Senabria.

01:50:13.000 Damn, that's a government.

01:50:16.000 I miss Gary.

01:50:18.000 I don't.

01:50:18.000 I know you don't.

01:50:20.000 You miss Gary?

01:50:21.000 You don't miss Gary.

01:50:21.000 Yes, I do.

01:50:22.000 I have a picture of him right here.

01:50:23.000 I have that picture that he showed us of him when he was young right there.

01:50:27.000 Yeah, you never look at it.

01:50:28.000 You don't care about it.

01:50:29.000 I do look at it.

01:50:29.000 You know less about you than I know about you.

01:50:34.000 You feel nothing for Gary.

01:50:35.000 That's not true.

01:50:36.000 Yes, it is.

01:50:37.000 No, it's not.

01:50:38.000 You think about Gary once a week for a nanosecond.

01:50:42.000 Yes.

01:50:43.000 I appreciate Ryan representing the best state in America.

01:50:46.000 Have you guys ever spent any time out here in Montana?

01:50:48.000 Yes.

01:50:49.000 I told you when I got that hat at the barbecue place in whenever it was, the woman goes, I go, I fucking love it here.

01:50:57.000 It's beautiful.

01:50:58.000 And she goes, yeah, well, don't tell your friends.

01:51:01.000 The reason I'm not moving there is it doesn't seem that conducive to young men playing baseball.

01:51:06.000 It seems a little too spread out.

01:51:08.000 But as soon as all my kids go to fucking college, I'm there, dude.

01:51:12.000 Excuse me.

01:51:13.000 It's awesome.

01:51:13.000 Ew, gross.

01:51:14.000 Sorry.

01:51:16.000 That weird burp was...

01:51:18.000 I did apologize.

01:51:19.000 It sounded like a thing at a fair breaking.

01:51:23.000 I heard you shit yourself.

01:51:25.000 I didn't shit myself.

01:51:26.000 It sounded like it bubbles.

01:51:27.000 Okay, that doesn't mean I shit myself.

01:51:29.000 Well, it was a foam fart.

01:51:30.000 What?

01:51:31.000 It was a foam fart.

01:51:32.000 No, you made a gross burp that made everyone uncomfortable.

01:51:35.000 My fart was just a normal fart that you decided was a shark.

01:51:39.000 A normal fart that comes out of your butt is grosser than a burp that comes out of my mouth.

01:51:43.000 That's not true.

01:51:44.000 Yes, it is.

01:51:45.000 That's a lie.

01:51:45.000 I'll Google it.

01:51:47.000 The media tells you that.

01:51:48.000 Alexa, who's right?

01:51:49.000 Me or Gavin?

01:51:50.000 You are.

01:51:51.000 Thank you.

01:51:51.000 I was sitting talking to someone about our business with Sensor, and I was like, if this happens, we should try to get this thing going on.

01:51:59.000 And this person shouldn't work there, and this person should work there.

01:52:02.000 And I look over at my Alexa in my home.

01:52:05.000 It's like, can't they hide that?

01:52:09.000 Just like taking in all the info.

01:52:11.000 Wow.

01:52:12.000 And I was just like, ew.

01:52:13.000 I pulled out the plug.

01:52:14.000 Yeah, dude.

01:52:15.000 Why have that?

01:52:16.000 What's this shit?

01:52:17.000 So this is based on the bigotry of low expectations.

01:52:21.000 Check out this new home improvement show that Netflix just released, Instant Dream Home.

01:52:25.000 I'm up late watching garbage while I work.

01:52:27.000 Take a guess who the team leader, quote-unquote, is.

01:52:29.000 If you guessed the incompetent black heifer, you'd be right.

01:52:32.000 She's basically there.

01:52:34.000 I don't know.

01:52:42.000 Here she is.

01:52:43.000 Here she is.

01:52:44.000 Hold on.

01:52:44.000 Stop the presses.

01:52:46.000 Hello?

01:52:50.000 Okay.

01:52:54.000 Gavin?

01:52:55.000 He's just called.

01:52:57.000 He's calling you?

01:52:58.000 You're on the show.

01:52:58.000 He should be doing the show.

01:53:00.000 Gavin?

01:53:01.000 Yeah.

01:53:02.000 You got to tell me.

01:53:02.000 Aren't you doing the show tonight?

01:53:04.000 I'm doing the show right now.

01:53:05.000 You're on the air.

01:53:07.000 Oh, nice to talk to you.

01:53:09.000 Hello.

01:53:10.000 Oh, Sylvia said you just called.

01:53:11.000 You're trying to get Sylvia?

01:53:13.000 This is Amy.

01:53:14.000 Yeah, I just wanted to say, like, why couldn't she come on the show tonight?

01:53:18.000 Is she under the weather?

01:53:19.000 I don't think I guess.

01:53:22.000 Well, she claims she's sick and dying, and she couldn't make it.

01:53:27.000 Come on, now, dying.

01:53:29.000 But sick and dying, like, we're all dying.

01:53:32.000 I mean, when is she going to die?

01:53:33.000 Like, in an hour or in a month?

01:53:37.000 I hope not.

01:53:37.000 Once it's a month.

01:53:39.000 And they told me today.

01:53:41.000 Actually.

01:53:42.000 I have business something in my house.

01:53:44.000 Actually, she's probably got some hot gentleman caller that we don't know about.

01:53:50.000 And when I leave the apartment, he's going to show up here in a G-string and do a Chippendale dance for her.

01:54:00.000 That might be why she didn't come tonight.

01:54:02.000 Will he be white or black?

01:54:04.000 What race will this gentleman caller be?

01:54:07.000 Oh, she says he's Asian, so...

01:54:12.000 He's not only bringing her some mugo guy can, but he's bringing her the cream of some young, some young guy.

01:54:21.000 I'm trying to use ESCO!

01:54:23.000 I guess that's why she popped out of the show in reality.

01:54:27.000 Well, that's a good excuse.

01:54:29.000 Yeah, I think she just has a list of boy toys that have been shot up by my level age.

01:54:35.000 Okay, she's got a list of boy toys, so I guess that's why she's trying to kick me out early.

01:54:40.000 Okay.

01:54:41.000 Well, if there's gonna be, if there's gonna be Hunky Chinks giving Cream of Sun Young Guy, that is a good excuse, and I forgive her.

01:54:50.000 That's totally forgivable.

01:54:53.000 You're the best, Gavin.

01:54:54.000 You're the man.

01:54:56.000 Thank you for forgiving her.

01:54:57.000 She means well.

01:54:58.000 All right.

01:54:59.000 Stop talking about death, for God's sake.

01:55:03.000 Okay, bye.

01:55:07.000 My son's on a cover.

01:55:09.000 I want to move down south, but there's something about New Yorkers that...

01:55:13.000 No, of course.

01:55:13.000 I don't know, man.

01:55:14.000 Like, That's just that's some random chick.

01:55:17.000 I don't know her.

01:55:18.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:55:19.000 That's just such quality.

01:55:21.000 Did you know that I never did?

01:55:22.000 Cream of some young guy.

01:55:25.000 And he's a retard.

01:55:26.000 He's a reta?

01:55:27.000 Is this in a foreign country, Israel?

01:55:30.000 I had to look down when she looks down afterwards.

01:55:34.000 Yeah, they're gold.

01:55:35.000 All right, damn.

01:55:36.000 We're down to the why here.

01:55:38.000 Yeah, we've got 12 callitos.

01:55:40.000 We've got five minutes left.

01:55:43.000 12 callitos.

01:55:44.000 I don't know if we can get them all in one some dumb shot, but let's see.

01:55:48.000 Dan, tipping.

01:55:52.000 All right.

01:55:53.000 Yep.

01:55:53.000 Your turn, Belgo.

01:55:58.000 Who is this?

01:56:00.000 Say your thing and fuck off, please.

01:56:04.000 All right, so my question is, how much do you usually tip and why is it more than zero dollars?

01:56:12.000 Because I want further service.

01:56:14.000 I want to ingratiate myself with the bartender, the barmaid.

01:56:18.000 I'm usually at a place I go to a lot.

01:56:20.000 And I also think charity is bullshit.

01:56:23.000 I mean, the Knights of Columbus, the Catholic Church pushes this charity.

01:56:28.000 And these charities only have to declare, what, 10 to 20% of what you give them goes to it.

01:56:34.000 When you give someone a gigantic tip, not only are you saying, please give me free booze in the future, you're saying, I appreciate you.

01:56:42.000 It's a great way to donate to people who are actually working hard.

01:56:46.000 So today, there's times, and I often, I'm known as a big tipper in bars, at my bars.

01:56:52.000 So I'll usually get like $10 on $20 worth of booze.

01:56:56.000 So I tip $20, and I'm giving 100% tip to say, thanks for the favor, but also I'm giving money to the people who deserve it.

01:57:07.000 Now, as far as traveling goes, that argument doesn't really hold water, but you don't travel that much.

01:57:12.000 So tip fucking big.

01:57:15.000 You're giving money to people who are working.

01:57:19.000 Well, at least you admit it's charity.

01:57:22.000 Yeah.

01:57:22.000 What do you miss the pick?

01:57:23.000 What are you anti-tip?

01:57:25.000 You sound very white for a black dude.

01:57:29.000 You're culturally appropriating, sir.

01:57:32.000 All right.

01:57:32.000 Thanks for calling.

01:57:33.000 Exclaim.

01:57:34.000 They don't work for me, so they don't work for me, so I don't want to fucking...

01:57:38.000 No, he's white.

01:57:38.000 I want to buy a bike, but I've never ridden one.

01:57:40.000 Never drove a stick shift either.

01:57:41.000 Was a good starter bike other than the Vespa.

01:57:43.000 Vespa is for faggots that Tony got screwed on by Johnny.

01:57:47.000 It's like, just get it like a...

01:57:49.000 Like, the thing about motorcycles is it's not like 100 CCs is different from 1,000 CCs.

01:57:56.000 It's not like it's a puppy versus a tiger.

01:57:59.000 As far as your day-to-day goes, it's the same sort of journey.

01:58:04.000 In fact, I would argue that a 1,200cc bike is actually easier to navigate.

01:58:11.000 It's not going to overheat.

01:58:14.000 It's going to get the job done.

01:58:16.000 I mean, so I would just, let's say 750 cc's.

01:58:20.000 I don't fucking know.

01:58:22.000 But a motorcycle is a motorcycle.

01:58:24.000 Get a 50 cc moped for scooting around town.

01:58:28.000 I heard that out.

01:58:29.000 But never get, never, a man cannot ride a moped where you sit in it like a secretary with your knees together.

01:58:38.000 Not acceptable.

01:58:39.000 Never.

01:58:40.000 And if you're on motorcycles with your friends and yours breaks down and he goes, just hop on the back of mine and we'll take you to the garage.

01:58:48.000 No, you got to walk.

01:58:50.000 A man can never be on a scooter and a man can never be on the back of a motorcycle.

01:58:55.000 No.

01:58:57.000 When I was looking at bikes, I was told, I was like, oh, I want something easy, like a 650 or something like that, or 400.

01:59:04.000 And they were like, you're going to want the 1,200 because you're going to get experience and you're going to wish you had that extra power.

01:59:08.000 And I was like, yeah, it's just more power.

01:59:12.000 You don't have to use it.

01:59:14.000 But you're in a conundrum on the highway and you want to go speed up.

01:59:21.000 It's not like 50.

01:59:22.000 Yeah, it's not like a gun.

01:59:24.000 Like, I get it with the gun.

01:59:25.000 The kickback on a 22 is and the kickback on a 30-odd 6 hurts your shoulder.

01:59:31.000 I get that.

01:59:32.000 But these are all the same bullets.

01:59:34.000 There's just more speed or something.

01:59:37.000 Yeah, more capacity.

01:59:39.000 More oomph.

01:59:40.000 That can get you to get one minute left.

01:59:42.000 Like the sharper the knife, the safer it is, too.

01:59:45.000 Exactly.

01:59:45.000 That's a good analogy for once in your life.

01:59:47.000 Thank you, God.

01:59:49.000 Oh, I'm God.

01:59:49.000 No, no, no.

01:59:50.000 I thank God for talking about that.

01:59:52.000 That's very flattering.

01:59:54.000 I didn't know that I'm God to Ryan.

01:59:56.000 You should worship the actual God in me like I do worship God.

01:59:59.000 Stop worshiping me.

02:00:01.000 Look up.

02:00:01.000 Look north for your worship.

02:00:03.000 I did look up north.

02:00:03.000 Don't worship your worship.

02:00:04.000 The camera wasn't on me, but I looked up and I said, thanks, God.

02:00:07.000 40 hours a week.

02:00:07.000 And then he went through you.

02:00:09.000 Don't get involved in this guy.

02:00:11.000 Get involved in that guy.

02:00:12.000 That's the guy you shot.

02:00:13.000 No, I didn't.

02:00:14.000 That is the main thing.

02:00:15.000 You asked him?

02:00:15.000 Up north.

02:00:16.000 He shot it through you.

02:00:17.000 Look straight up.

02:00:18.000 I didn't create the universe.

02:00:19.000 All the good things that happen in the world are life.

02:00:24.000 I talked to contractors and had them build the studio.

02:00:27.000 The guy you're worshiping.

02:00:29.000 The big guy through the entire universe, everything around us, the entire universe.

02:00:32.000 I am gay.

02:00:34.000 Oops, I just.

02:00:38.000 Last call.

02:00:39.000 860.

02:00:40.000 You're on the Lero.

02:00:43.000 So you talk about.

02:00:46.000 Thanks for calling, guys.

02:00:48.000 Great show.

02:00:49.000 Fun Thursday night.

02:00:51.000 I think we all had a good time.

02:00:53.000 Get fired.

02:00:53.000 Get in trouble.

02:00:54.000 Be brave.

02:00:55.000 And never stop fighting.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - August 21, 2022

GOML LIVE #162 - NO WACK PACK

Episode Stats

Length

Words per Minute

Word Count

Sentence Count

Misogynist Sentences

Hate Speech Sentences

Summary

Transcript