Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - GOML LIVE #166 - TAKIN A RIDE

00:01:36.000 Remember to my friends don't want to merge my heart in my hand, not working.

00:01:51.000 You don't be not working!

00:01:58.000 New York, New York, they're not forgot.

00:02:04.000 New York, New York, they're not forgot.

00:02:10.000 Okay, I wanted to fuck myself, but you know what happened?

00:02:14.000 This is a true story.

00:02:16.000 I used to have this girl.

00:02:18.000 I don't talk too much about that sorry.

00:02:19.000 We got time for kill.

00:02:20.000 We don't know how many phones.

00:02:22.000 Well, I used to fuck this girl, man. 1.00

00:02:25.000 She was at a place called the Zoo.

00:02:26.000 She was a little fat girl, I was you know, like a few of you off here on the stage. 0.97

00:02:31.000 She had a sit-hon face and shit, but I was really just fucked. 0.68

00:02:35.000 I'm fucking the fucking honest.

00:02:37.000 I fuck a guitar, I don't care.

00:02:38.000 But anyway, shit, BD.

00:02:40.000 That's the first time I ever caught BD.

00:02:43.000 It was two years ago.

00:02:44.000 I never used a rubber, and I never will.

00:02:46.000 Fuck the rubber, you know?

00:02:47.000 I don't give a fuck.

00:02:48.000 I got kids everywhere.

00:02:49.000 But I wrote this song.

00:02:51.000 I don't give a fuck.

00:03:21.000 I don't give a fuck.

00:03:51.000 I don't give a fuck.

00:03:53.000 Take me.

00:03:56.000 *thud*

00:03:59.000 That was the replacements 1981's.

00:04:04.000 Sorry, Mar, I forgot to take out the trash.

00:04:06.000 I just got this weird box set.

00:04:09.000 I read about it from my old pal Johnson Cummins of the Doughboys.

00:04:13.000 Checking, catching up on my old pals from Montreal, and he's still writing, and he was writing about this.

00:04:19.000 I have the vinyl already, so that's kind of gay. 0.99

00:04:22.000 But it comes with this cool booklet.

00:04:26.000 Back before we had cell phones, kids, we would sit and just look at records and the booklets that came with them, or just stare at the record itself, like the case the LP came in.

00:04:40.000 But the reason I got this is because, according to Johnson Cummins, the live CD, out of the four CDs here, the live one is apparently quite a big deal.

00:04:50.000 Oh, shit.

00:04:51.000 I hate when they do this.

00:04:53.000 It's hard to put it back in.

00:04:57.000 So we'll be checking it out.

00:04:58.000 Seminole Minneapolis band.

00:05:05.000 Bob Stinson was the bassist.

00:05:08.000 He always wanted them to stay hard, stay heavy.

00:05:11.000 So they started getting better at their instruments and they started to want to play more poppy stuff.

00:05:16.000 And it pissed him off.

00:05:17.000 So on the album Tim, they had the song One Good Dose of Thunder to try to appease him, but he was pissed off that they were becoming a pop band.

00:05:25.000 They're a great band to go through adolescence with because you go from hardcore to like great pop.

00:05:31.000 But he joined a band with Cheetah Chrome from The Dead Boys, and it was called Cheetah Chrome and the Motherfuckers.

00:05:36.000 And we were opening for them in Ottawa as they fought Bebelbrocks. 0.99

00:05:40.000 And on the way over the border, Bob Stinson of the replacements got out of the van and pissed on the border guard, the little booth where they take your passports.

00:05:52.000 He just got out and pissed.

00:05:54.000 And they had hired a guy, paid a guy, to make sure that Bob doesn't do anything like that.

00:05:59.000 So Bob was, I mean, that guy was promptly fired.

00:06:02.000 And Bob died of, I think, alcohol soon after that.

00:06:06.000 So that's sad.

00:06:07.000 Poor Bobby Stenson.

00:06:10.000 What a fantastic band, though.

00:06:12.000 Welcome to Get Off My Lawn Live.

00:06:15.000 We have Maddie O'Dell, the co-host here.

00:06:18.000 What's going on, everybody?

00:06:19.000 Up to his old tricks again.

00:06:20.000 He looks like Kinnicki in Greece there.

00:06:24.000 And he looks like Lord of Flatbush.

00:06:27.000 You remember that movie?

00:06:28.000 Oh, yeah.

00:06:29.000 And then, of course, we have Sylvia back.

00:06:32.000 All right.

00:06:33.000 There we go.

00:06:34.000 Sylvia's been planning to show up for a while here, but she was under the weather, feeling weak.

00:06:40.000 What was going on with you?

00:06:41.000 It's just the dizziness.

00:06:44.000 And what's the dizziness from?

00:06:46.000 Too much sex.

00:06:50.000 So you've had 14 less fucks this week, and it's made you, I mean, it's turned you into John Waters, but you're still able to show up to the show and perform for us and deliver your funny takes on everything.

00:07:05.000 Right?

00:07:06.000 It's fun.

00:07:07.000 Yeah.

00:07:08.000 Are you going to have some funny takes today?

00:07:10.000 Some what?

00:07:11.000 Funny takes?

00:07:13.000 Of course.

00:07:14.000 Because if you don't, you're fucking fired.

00:07:15.000 You're not getting a penny.

00:07:16.000 Oh, we're getting it on.

00:07:19.000 Funny as could be.

00:07:21.000 You better be.

00:07:21.000 Ryan, can you hear her okay?

00:07:22.000 Because if we can't hear you, line them up.

00:07:25.000 No, loud and clear.

00:07:26.000 I might pay you per quip.

00:07:30.000 PPQ.

00:07:31.000 This is for.

00:07:32.000 Yeah, Quid Pro Quip.

00:07:35.000 This shirt I'm wearing is not for sale.

00:07:37.000 Someone gave this to us at one of the shows.

00:07:40.000 I think it was the Vegas show.

00:07:42.000 Yes.

00:07:43.000 Yeah.

00:07:43.000 It's nice.

00:07:44.000 I don't think it'll sell, so we won't make it.

00:07:47.000 But someone had a Sylvia shirt on at the show. 1.00

00:07:53.000 Check this out.

00:07:55.000 I just opened the bottle with my cap gun, right?

00:07:58.000 And now I'm going to shoot to kill Sylvia.

00:08:01.000 All right, I'm ready.

00:08:02.000 Oh, I fucked up.

00:08:03.000 You're supposed to put it back before you open it up.

00:08:08.000 Stupid boy.

00:08:09.000 Stupid boy.

00:08:10.000 You ready, Sylvia?

00:08:11.000 I'm ready.

00:08:12.000 This could be the end of you.

00:08:17.000 Oh, I didn't make it.

00:08:18.000 How far does that go?

00:08:19.000 Not very far?

00:08:20.000 Notes are gone.

00:08:21.000 Yeah, it went about 20 feet.

00:08:23.000 They should specify that.

00:08:25.000 I feel like the next one's going to be big.

00:08:27.000 I like how the girl behind him has a don't do shots or coke hat on.

00:08:32.000 I used to...

00:08:39.000 I was such a drunk as a young man.

00:08:41.000 I would write messages on my body to girls like, please put a condom on this. 1.00

00:08:46.000 I wrote it on my belly when I was passed out.

00:08:49.000 And then I would write, don't let me do shots or coke on my shirt.

00:08:53.000 And then I started making them.

00:08:54.000 I made one with an iron on, and then we started manufacturing them.

00:08:57.000 It's not a joke.

00:08:58.000 It's not a joke.

00:08:59.000 Not a joke, man.

00:09:00.000 Not a joke.

00:09:00.000 It's not a joke.

00:09:03.000 I just think about the years, how old I am.

00:09:05.000 I think about as much as a fly.

00:09:08.000 We'll be getting to that tomorrow.

00:09:09.000 We have pre-recorded a four-hour episode of Get Off My Lawn for you guys tomorrow.

00:09:14.000 Jam-packed.

00:09:15.000 Holy shit.

00:09:16.000 Speaking of packed, let's give a shout out to Shell Shock CBD.

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00:09:52.000 Now, Maddie, you tried having two Delta 8s at once.

00:09:55.000 Yeah.

00:09:56.000 That was a bit much, would you say?

00:09:58.000 Yeah, two at once was a bit much.

00:10:00.000 One is good.

00:10:01.000 Two, you wouldn't recommend.

00:10:03.000 Don't recommend two.

00:10:04.000 It's like sleeping with a female bodybuilder. 1.00

00:10:06.000 No bueno.

00:10:07.000 No bueno.

00:10:07.000 Even when I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, I had my hand on the wall as I walked from my bedroom to the bath.

00:10:14.000 I'm like, oh, Jesus.

00:10:16.000 I'm still high.

00:10:18.000 But they're good.

00:10:20.000 No doubt about it.

00:10:21.000 Well, when my wife had some, she had to put ice on her chest, and I had to basically sing and dance like a court gesture till one in the morning to avoid having to take her to the hospital.

00:10:32.000 Oh, gosh.

00:10:32.000 She was freaking oot.

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00:10:58.000 Okay?

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00:11:20.000 Why can't you just get high on life?

00:11:24.000 Life doesn't always supply.

00:11:26.000 Life will often fall short of CBDs.

00:11:31.000 What about you used to do tons of drugs?

00:11:33.000 You used to do heroin before you turned into John Waters.

00:11:36.000 Oh, not me.

00:11:37.000 Yes, you.

00:11:38.000 Never.

00:11:40.000 We see the tracks in your arms, Sylvia.

00:11:42.000 Never did it.

00:11:42.000 It looks like metropolitan.

00:11:44.000 There's cocaine in bed, and it wasn't true.

00:11:47.000 Cocaine does not make you go longer sexually.

00:11:52.000 That's the only drug I ever did, cocaine.

00:11:55.000 Well, cocaine isn't supposed to make women go longer. 1.00

00:11:57.000 No, in bed, sexually.

00:11:59.000 It doesn't make you go longer.

00:12:01.000 If anything, it numbs your sexual apparatus.

00:12:06.000 Yeah, but that would make you go longer, wouldn't it?

00:12:09.000 No, it doesn't.

00:12:11.000 My experience with cocaine and intercourse is if it's a new girl, you could just kill your dick and you might ruin it. 1.00

00:12:17.000 But if it's someone that you have been a girlfriend with for a while or a wife, then you can't not get it up because it's just like you.

00:12:26.000 No, you get it up, it just nums it.

00:12:30.000 That's what happened to me in this guy.

00:12:33.000 Who?

00:12:35.000 What was his name?

00:12:36.000 John Toluca.

00:12:38.000 So he's an Italian gentleman?

00:12:40.000 Half Italian, half Spanish.

00:12:42.000 Huh.

00:12:43.000 And the cocaine did not help his performance?

00:12:46.000 No, he got hard, but it just didn't.

00:12:50.000 We didn't go longer.

00:12:52.000 The only reason we did it was to go longer sexually.

00:12:56.000 So you did it too?

00:12:58.000 Me and him, yeah.

00:12:59.000 Have you ever put cocaine on your genitalia?

00:13:02.000 Yes, that's what I'm talking about.

00:13:03.000 Oh, okay.

00:13:04.000 Wake up and smell the roses.

00:13:07.000 Oh.

00:13:08.000 So he, did he snort it or he put it on his penis and you put it on your vagina? 1.00

00:13:12.000 He put it on his dick and he put it on me. 0.99

00:13:16.000 And all it does is numb you.

00:13:18.000 Yeah.

00:13:20.000 Have you ever tried that?

00:13:21.000 I've tried that.

00:13:22.000 No.

00:13:22.000 I've had girls sniff it off.

00:13:26.000 I've sniffed it once.

00:13:27.000 Once.

00:13:28.000 And all it does is make you go way up to heaven and then crashing down to the pits of hell.

00:13:34.000 So it's not for me.

00:13:36.000 I sniffed it off a dude's dick once just because there was no table around.

00:13:40.000 And we were like, shit, man.

00:13:42.000 And then he was like, I'll just get a boner.

00:13:43.000 That'll be the table.

00:13:43.000 And I was like, okay, but no homo.

00:13:45.000 He's like, it's just a portable table.

00:13:47.000 Pause, no homo. 1.00

00:13:49.000 Yeah.

00:13:50.000 A portable table.

00:13:52.000 So you know how this show goes.

00:13:55.000 It's free to everyone in the entire world.

00:13:58.000 And that's why we read ads.

00:14:00.000 We don't normally read ads on this show.

00:14:02.000 We are off to Dallas tomorrow doing a show.

00:14:07.000 Fucking, it's kind of badly organized.

00:14:10.000 It's a tiny venue.

00:14:12.000 I think we had about 500 people in Orlando.

00:14:15.000 So we went, okay, well, this place holds like 250 or 100.

00:14:21.000 So let's just book it four times.

00:14:23.000 One, two, three, four.

00:14:25.000 But I don't think we're getting 500 people.

00:14:27.000 So I think it might be four shows of 50 people, which is weird.

00:14:33.000 That's like driving someone somewhere and just taking one person at a time in the passenger seat.

00:14:39.000 We'll see how it goes.

00:14:42.000 I'm going to do Glenn Beck's show tomorrow.

00:14:46.000 So I think it's behind the paywall, but we'll get something out of it.

00:14:50.000 We'll get some freebie from it.

00:14:51.000 Maybe he'll let us, I know his producer, maybe she'll let us keep it and put it on the air.

00:14:56.000 What are you printing out over there?

00:14:57.000 We just got another read fresh from the presses.

00:15:02.000 I don't play any oboe.

00:15:03.000 I'm not excited about extra reads.

00:15:06.000 No?

00:15:06.000 That was a weird one.

00:15:09.000 Yeah, that was a good one.

00:15:10.000 Clean humor.

00:15:11.000 Clean humor.

00:15:13.000 Reads in the Woodwind family.

00:15:16.000 60-second read?

00:15:17.000 No, I'm not doing that.

00:15:21.000 So, yeah, we do the reads.

00:15:22.000 We got the guests.

00:15:24.000 And this is also a show where we try to raise money for Max and John, as I'll discuss tomorrow, which I discussed today.

00:15:32.000 Antifa beat the living shit.

00:15:34.000 They mobbed two Marines, said, you're white supremacists, you're proud boys.

00:15:38.000 They said, no, we're Mexicans.

00:15:40.000 What are you talking about?

00:15:41.000 And they said, fuck you, spick.

00:15:43.000 Fuck you, wetback, spat on them as they were pounding them. 1.00

00:15:46.000 The authorities seized three of these gentlemen.

00:15:49.000 One of them is a major player in Antifa, which is just an idea.

00:15:52.000 It's not an organization, according to Joe Biden, a guy who compares himself to a fly.

00:15:59.000 No charges, no nothing.

00:16:00.000 No probation, no misdemeanor.

00:16:03.000 Don't worry about it, guys.

00:16:04.000 You can beat up our military anytime you want.

00:16:07.000 I'm a little disappointed, by the way, that the Marines lost.

00:16:11.000 When I get on my Amazon Prime account and I watch Reacher and I watch The List, the Marine wins those fights, especially up against these fat loser turds.

00:16:25.000 You should see these guys.

00:16:26.000 Pull them up, Brian.

00:16:27.000 Get the hell out of here, brown people. 1.00

00:16:32.000 That was actually their quote.

00:16:35.000 The producer, Beck, goes, you want to talk about anything in particular?

00:16:38.000 And I go, yeah.

00:16:39.000 I have something on my mind.

00:16:41.000 The allegations we get from the left are never accurate.

00:16:45.000 You follow QAnon.

00:16:49.000 You are scared of homosexuals. 1.00

00:16:51.000 You want trans people not to exist. 1.00

00:16:54.000 You want to kill them all.

00:16:56.000 Not even close.

00:16:57.000 None of that's close.

00:16:59.000 Trump said Mexicans are rapists.

00:17:00.000 Trump said that there's good people on both sides.

00:17:04.000 Nazis can be good. 1.00

00:17:05.000 He never said that.

00:17:06.000 And I'm just like, I want a valid allegation.

00:17:09.000 I want to be able to argue my points.

00:17:12.000 You've got me arguing other people's points.

00:17:15.000 So that's who the Marines can't beat up?

00:17:19.000 Dude.

00:17:20.000 Maybe they chose not to.

00:17:21.000 They chose not violence that day.

00:17:23.000 Well, that's dumb.

00:17:24.000 Who are those rifles?

00:17:26.000 Those are Antifa.

00:17:27.000 But the first guy with the glasses is a major player.

00:17:29.000 The Kroll.

00:17:30.000 And the reason...

00:17:36.000 But the reason they got away with it, of course, is it's a Soros appointed DA.

00:17:39.000 And it's the reason that Proud Boys and Any Patriots...

00:17:45.000 Soros. 0.78

00:17:46.000 You can buy America. 0.74

00:17:47.000 You can buy American justice.

00:17:50.000 That means we're Venezuela, by the way.

00:17:53.000 Oh, yeah.

00:17:57.000 So, yeah, we take calls.

00:18:00.000 We go through the mailbag.

00:18:02.000 And then we have this live chat that is for Max and John.

00:18:06.000 We've raised $17,000 for them.

00:18:08.000 They get out in, I think, March.

00:18:10.000 I'm going to go visit them in a couple weeks.

00:18:14.000 It's funny because the only way we can make the seven-hour trip bearable is to stop at bars and get wasted.

00:18:22.000 So then you get there.

00:18:23.000 It's like 3 a.m.

00:18:26.000 And then you got to get up at like 6.

00:18:28.000 So when you're visiting them, you're hungover.

00:18:31.000 You feel like shit.

00:18:31.000 You look like shit.

00:18:32.000 And you're just like, hey, so what's going on?

00:18:35.000 And they're like, hey, oh, wow, it's great to see you.

00:18:38.000 Okay, so you wouldn't believe what's going on here.

00:18:40.000 This Muslim guy got beat up and blah, blah, blah.

00:18:42.000 And you're just like, oh, it sucks.

00:18:45.000 Anyway, we should probably get going here.

00:18:47.000 It's not a good setup.

00:18:50.000 Should probably leave two days early.

00:18:53.000 One day to recuperate.

00:18:54.000 Yeah, one day to recuperate.

00:18:56.000 So we're all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed when you meet them.

00:18:59.000 Gavin.

00:19:00.000 And so we read these, we read the letters and all that stuff.

00:19:02.000 And then we go behind the paywall in anywhere from 10 minutes from now to 40 minutes from now.

00:19:09.000 And then it gets a little raunchier.

00:19:12.000 And Sylvia gets nude.

00:19:14.000 She brought a whole thing of lingerie and she's going to be doing a sexy dance. 1.00

00:19:19.000 And here's the funnest part about Sylvia's strip teas that she's going to do.

00:19:23.000 We brought kids.

00:19:26.000 So she's going to be doing a sexy dance and kids are going to be giving her money and she's going to put it in her underwear. 1.00

00:19:35.000 That'll be cool, right?

00:19:36.000 I don't wear underwear.

00:19:39.000 They'll be putting it in your butt crack. 1.00

00:19:41.000 But show that video you were just talking about, Ryan.

00:19:44.000 Like, we don't like the drag queen story hour, and we don't give a fuck about drag queens. 1.00

00:19:47.000 Go nuts.

00:19:48.000 We know there's drag queens in every bar in the world. 1.00

00:19:50.000 This isn't drag queens. 1.00

00:19:52.000 This is actual strippers now. 1.00

00:19:54.000 We've crossed the line.

00:19:57.000 Well, this should have been the first step before the drag strippers. 1.00

00:20:01.000 It's kind of like they're going backwards.

00:20:03.000 Yeah.

00:20:03.000 Now, that might be some sort of weird dude with a taped up dick.

00:20:07.000 I don't.

00:20:07.000 Do you know?

00:20:08.000 I don't think so.

00:20:09.000 It looks like a female body to me. 0.77

00:20:12.000 But I guess they're good at that.

00:20:14.000 No, they're not.

00:20:16.000 What the fuck is going on?

00:20:20.000 Like, my parents are big drinkers, partiers.

00:20:23.000 If they saw this and I was eight there, they would.

00:20:27.000 Look at the kid in the corner.

00:20:28.000 That's who I'm talking about.

00:20:30.000 He's got to be seven.

00:20:32.000 Yeah, seven or eight.

00:20:33.000 He's younger than my youngest boy.

00:20:38.000 What?

00:20:40.000 And I can't believe that we've been sitting here saying, look, it's not that you're gay.

00:20:43.000 It's like, what if there was a stripper?

00:20:45.000 We'd have a problem with that.

00:20:47.000 And they go, oh, we got strippers. 1.00

00:20:49.000 What does Libs of TikTok say about that one?

00:20:52.000 That's a new level here.

00:20:55.000 A stripper performs at an all-ages drag show while a kid in the front row attempts to hand the stripper a cash tip.

00:21:00.000 So that might be a dude.

00:21:03.000 You know, you take enough estrogen, you get fake hits, you probably get hips.

00:21:09.000 I don't know.

00:21:13.000 Is that the show?

00:21:15.000 All-ages drag show.

00:21:17.000 This is their whole thing here.

00:21:19.000 Drag party. 0.81

00:21:20.000 Let's see.

00:21:21.000 One of the flyers.

00:21:22.000 Here we go.

00:21:23.000 You know, the allegation from the far right is that they're there to groom kids to fuck them.

00:21:29.000 I don't think it's that simple or that complicated.

00:21:32.000 I think it's just a giant fuck you.

00:21:34.000 To Christians, to the right, to everything. 0.96

00:21:38.000 Uh-oh, I think this might be at a battery swry guy.

00:21:40.000 All ages event, it says.

00:21:42.000 Oh, no, no.

00:21:42.000 When you try to turn it on without the hub turned on, I don't turn on the hub.

00:21:46.000 Oh, I see.

00:21:48.000 Bye, Felicia.

00:21:52.000 It's so weird that they've taken this new angle in life.

00:21:56.000 Drag queens were always the clowns of the gay community. 1.00

00:22:00.000 It wasn't political.

00:22:02.000 It was a silly exaggeration.

00:22:04.000 It wasn't even as serious as that strike a pose vogue thing where they'd fall down and all that.

00:22:09.000 That was more serious.

00:22:11.000 That was considered their like breakdancing.

00:22:14.000 It was as ridiculous and gay as everything else, but it had more credibility in a way. 0.99

00:22:19.000 But the drag queens were just like silly, like literally clowns. 1.00

00:22:23.000 Yeah.

00:22:24.000 No one went like, did you hear what Miss fucking garbage cunt had to say about Ukraine? 1.00

00:22:32.000 It was just, and I think they made most gays uncomfortable, just like clowns do. 1.00

00:22:37.000 But now they're an integral part of the international discussion on children's welfare.

00:22:43.000 How the F did we get here?

00:22:45.000 Yeah, I'm just trying to figure out how did we arrive here.

00:22:48.000 And like, who brings their kids?

00:22:51.000 Like, who are the people that bring their kids there?

00:22:54.000 Single moms, disgruntled liberals. 1.00

00:22:57.000 It's really, you know what it's really about?

00:22:59.000 The core of it is about hatred of Trump, hatred of Republicans.

00:23:04.000 They just, they know that we don't like it, so they do it.

00:23:07.000 If eating out of the ashtray pissed us off, they would all have ashes all over their lips.

00:23:12.000 It's just to spite us.

00:23:14.000 And they haven't thought it anywhere past that.

00:23:18.000 And we wish they would, because sexualizing children is gross. 0.96

00:23:22.000 It's not cringe.

00:23:23.000 It's not offensive.

00:23:25.000 It's gross.

00:23:30.000 The other thing, too, is, I keep repeating this, children and sex, like, they're very weirded out by any kind of adult intimacy.

00:23:40.000 Seeing adults kiss, a heterosexual couple kiss, when you're eight, you're just like, get out of here.

00:23:47.000 I remember when my boy was about seven, he drew a picture and it was two people on a couch and they were watching TV.

00:23:55.000 And I go, what's going on here?

00:23:57.000 And he goes, oh, it's just two losers watching people kiss.

00:24:04.000 Gav, I accidentally shit my neighbor's cat.

00:24:07.000 Oh, shot.

00:24:08.000 That makes a lot more sense.

00:24:09.000 I accidentally shot my neighbor's cat the other night, thinking she was the pesky armadillo that's been rooting up my yard.

00:24:17.000 When I found out what I'd done, I had no remorse.

00:24:20.000 Something just felt right about it, but I doubt I'll ever do it again.

00:24:23.000 I don't think you can do it again.

00:24:24.000 Is the cat alive?

00:24:25.000 My completely unrelated question is, where would one find a place to dispose of dead cats?

00:24:32.000 Like a lot of dead.

00:24:34.000 Like eight dead cats.

00:24:36.000 You know that?

00:24:37.000 What?

00:24:37.000 You had the makings of a true serial killer.

00:24:40.000 Yeah.

00:24:41.000 Well, he did.

00:24:42.000 He serial killed cats.

00:24:43.000 Yeah, I know.

00:24:45.000 I had a dead cat in my neighbor's yard that my neighbor, my old neighbor, was such an absolute cock, and he wouldn't look at me, and I'd smile, and he'd just frown, I guess, because he hated racist.

00:24:57.000 You know what's amazing about you?

00:24:59.000 You have so much animal instinct in you, and yet you kill a poor innocent cat.

00:25:06.000 Wait, I didn't kill a cat.

00:25:10.000 Oh, who did it?

00:25:10.000 Your mother?

00:25:12.000 No, Raymond.

00:25:13.000 I'm reading a letter we got.

00:25:16.000 Can you not see the screen?

00:25:18.000 It's a $50 donation to the Max and John Fund where the guy killed a cat.

00:25:24.000 I ain't killed no cat.

00:25:25.000 You just got done saying you took a knife and you killed the cat.

00:25:29.000 A knife?

00:25:30.000 Yeah.

00:25:30.000 No, I'm reading a letter from a guy who shot a cat, Sylvia.

00:25:36.000 I ain't killed no cat.

00:25:37.000 You said you had a knife.

00:25:39.000 The cat was at the door.

00:25:40.000 It annoyed you and boom.

00:25:43.000 This is the second time this has happened to me in my life.

00:25:48.000 When I was about 14, I was walking to school and I saw a dead cat.

00:25:52.000 You know how they have that face?

00:25:55.000 What's that sound?

00:25:58.000 Someone mess around in the Parking lot?

00:26:02.000 Anyway, I picked it up, I brought it to school, and then in our old school, the Earl of March in Canada, there was a giant rock in front of the school.

00:26:10.000 So I propped it up on the rock in front of the school.

00:26:15.000 So when you exited the school, 1,500 people at the Earl of March, they saw this cat, like because it had rig of mortar so I could prop it up.

00:26:23.000 So 1,500 people saw a cat going, and they were screaming and crying.

00:26:27.000 It was really funny.

00:26:28.000 But the rumor became that I walked out my door, I picked up a cat, and I just smashed its head against the wall, killed it, and then brought it to school.

00:26:37.000 So this is the second time I've been accused of killing a cat.

00:26:39.000 Never killed a cat.

00:26:40.000 Don't care enough about cats to kill them. 0.71

00:26:44.000 So my neighbor had this dead cat stinking up the whole neighborhood.

00:26:47.000 And I thought, I could be a nice guy and tell him that there's a dead cat.

00:26:53.000 I think it was on our lawn.

00:26:55.000 I can't remember exactly.

00:26:57.000 Maybe.

00:26:57.000 Or just a stray.

00:26:59.000 Maybe, but he had a gigantic, massive mansion.

00:27:02.000 I'd have to walk up the walkway and then deal with his bullshit.

00:27:05.000 Maybe he thinks I'm a criminal.

00:27:06.000 I'm going to shoot him.

00:27:07.000 And I'm holding a dead cat.

00:27:08.000 So I just plopped it next to a tree on his property.

00:27:12.000 And then I had a bunch of dirt for gardening and stuff.

00:27:15.000 And I just poured it on top of the cat.

00:27:17.000 And then I left a note facing his property that said, dead cat with an arrow.

00:27:23.000 Maybe he thinks I fucking killed it.

00:27:27.000 Oh, I think the noise is back there.

00:27:28.000 Yeah.

00:27:32.000 So my advice for you, sir, would be to put eight cats in a large hole.

00:27:37.000 And I'm only humoring your stupid joke because you paid 50 bucks to Max and John, $25 each.

00:27:43.000 Patrick Bett David on YouTube just released a five-hour podcast interview with Andrew Tate.

00:27:50.000 Yeah, that's from last week.

00:27:51.000 It was very interesting.

00:27:52.000 Ryan could probably.

00:27:53.000 Ryan, we got a letter.

00:27:55.000 Let's open the mailbag.

00:27:57.000 Okay.

00:27:58.000 She inspired me.

00:27:59.000 Should we play the interstitial?

00:28:01.000 Here we go.

00:28:03.000 Ryan, shut up.

00:28:05.000 You don't have a dad.

00:28:08.000 Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mailbag.

00:28:14.000 Let me touch it.

00:28:17.000 Go down to pretty good Andrew Tate impression.

00:28:24.000 Now, this is a weird idea stick.

00:28:25.000 I'm excited to watch this because I think it's going to hurt your feelings.

00:28:28.000 Because you've been working on your Andrew Tate so hard and failing, and this guy just knocked it out of the park.

00:28:34.000 Let's see.

00:28:35.000 And I'm happy that it's going to hurt you.

00:28:36.000 That's how cruel I am.

00:28:37.000 I don't get hurt very easily.

00:28:39.000 So, Andrew, what do you think about drowning?

00:28:41.000 Drowning?

00:28:42.000 The fuck are you drowning for?

00:28:44.000 I don't care.

00:28:45.000 I don't want to hear the excuses.

00:28:47.000 You've been drinking water your entire life.

00:28:50.000 Just swallow it.

00:28:51.000 Drink the water.

00:28:52.000 Drink it.

00:28:53.000 And then breathe the air.

00:28:56.000 Imagine you're lying there and a lifeguard comes over.

00:29:03.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00

00:29:04.000 I don't care.

00:29:05.000 It's fucking ridiculous.

00:29:07.000 Imagine you're surrounded.

00:29:08.000 If you're a real tough G, you breathe the air, you get up, you shake it off, and do some push-ups.

00:29:14.000 That's what I want to fucking see.

00:29:15.000 That is what I want to fucking see.

00:29:17.000 And that's beautiful.

00:29:20.000 The brown people are leaving. 1.00

00:29:21.000 We're so excited.

00:29:22.000 Go, brown people, go. 1.00

00:29:23.000 Don't come home.

00:29:25.000 Did you make the Joe Biden Nazi fags one yet?

00:29:28.000 What?

00:29:28.000 What are you talking about?

00:29:30.000 Oh, yeah, that doesn't make sense.

00:29:34.000 So are you hurting as much as I want you to?

00:29:36.000 No.

00:29:37.000 What?

00:29:38.000 That's someone who took away something that you wanted.

00:29:41.000 Usually when I hear a good impression, I go, wow.

00:29:44.000 No, I want you to be bitter.

00:29:45.000 I'm like Howard Stern.

00:29:47.000 All my questions are like, so were you jealous when you saw your brother was Bill Murray?

00:29:51.000 But that's got to hurt your feelings.

00:29:54.000 You've got to resent that, right?

00:29:56.000 Did you always get mad?

00:29:57.000 I heard him, when I was going on that road trip recently to Albany, he was interviewing Rosie O'Donnell, and you think of all the things you could do.

00:30:04.000 I don't like Rosie O'Donnell, but she's done a lot of shit. 1.00

00:30:07.000 And his main thing, and he came back to this three times, was, you had the biggest talk show in the world, and you quit it.

00:30:14.000 And do you look back and think of all the money you could have made?

00:30:18.000 And does that bother you?

00:30:20.000 She's worth like, I don't know, $300 million.

00:30:22.000 She's a fucking lesbian. 1.00

00:30:24.000 She doesn't need any money. 0.99

00:30:26.000 She's got a bunch of adopted kids she doesn't give a shit about. 1.00

00:30:30.000 What?

00:30:30.000 I wish I had $400 million?

00:30:32.000 What is he?

00:30:34.000 He's such a fucking petty, bitter, Long Island nerd.

00:30:42.000 Yes, I'm avoiding the other word.

00:30:46.000 Jerk.

00:30:51.000 Juicy shithead. 1.00

00:30:54.000 He's from New Jersey.

00:30:56.000 My daughter worked in a store.

00:30:59.000 Sylvia, are you a Jew or a Christian?

00:31:01.000 I'm a Christian.

00:31:03.000 What?

00:31:04.000 I'm a Christian.

00:31:06.000 But you're Jewish. 0.95

00:31:08.000 Yeah, so was Jesus.

00:31:13.000 Okay.

00:31:15.000 My daughter worked in a toy store.

00:31:18.000 Rosie O'Donnell came in, looked at everything, bugged the shit out of my daughter. 1.00

00:31:24.000 How much is this?

00:31:25.000 How much is that?

00:31:26.000 Didn't buy anything.

00:31:28.000 Then she said, where's the ladies' room? 1.00

00:31:30.000 My daughter was the only one working the store. 0.99

00:31:33.000 She said, it's over there.

00:31:35.000 Oh, no, you got to take me to it.

00:31:37.000 She says, oh, no, I don't.

00:31:39.000 I'm not leaving the register.

00:31:43.000 And she kept carrying, oh, you got to take me to the bathroom. 1.00

00:31:46.000 My mom cut Sherry O'Terry's hair, and she didn't tip. 0.99

00:31:50.000 Really?

00:31:51.000 Yeah.

00:31:52.000 These Irish people are sounding a lot like the chosen ones. 0.97

00:31:58.000 They're part of the tribe.

00:32:00.000 That's cheatable, huh?

00:32:02.000 Yeah, I heard she's a nightmare shitty mom. 1.00

00:32:04.000 Whoopi Goldberg's still alive.

00:32:06.000 Is who?

00:32:06.000 Whoopi Goldberg.

00:32:08.000 Oh, I thought you said Rube Goldberg.

00:32:12.000 Well, yeah, he died.

00:32:14.000 A big white hand came and hit a ball that knocked down a thing, and then that went over a long circular thing that started some dominoes, and that flew up and popped a balloon, which then ignited a flame and burnt his house down.

00:32:29.000 Yeah, Whoopi Goldberry's still alive.

00:32:31.000 I mean, sort of.

00:32:33.000 She's supposed to be very sick. 0.99

00:32:36.000 Physically.

00:32:38.000 She had the nerve when Donald Trump caught the virus and was in the hospital.

00:32:43.000 Oh, he probably made it up.

00:32:45.000 Now, come on.

00:32:46.000 How friggin' petty can you be?

00:32:49.000 What if we did a deep dive on everything stupid Whoopi Goldberg has ever said?

00:32:53.000 Oh, jeez.

00:32:54.000 It would be a fucking marathon episode.

00:32:57.000 I like this one.

00:32:58.000 Comedian goes, okay, she's a comedian, right? 0.71

00:33:01.000 That's how she made her name. 0.99

00:33:03.000 That's her bread and butter. 1.00

00:33:04.000 Name a joke.

00:33:05.000 What joke has Whoopi Goldberg ever said?

00:33:10.000 My fellow Americans, if you have an IRA, 401k, or savings account, things are getting scary out there.

00:33:16.000 The Biden administration has already printed more money in the past two years than the previous 100 years combined.

00:33:22.000 Doesn't that sound like a lie?

00:33:24.000 That can't be true.

00:33:26.000 Yet it is.

00:33:28.000 The national debt just hit a record $30 trillion, and inflation is the highest we've seen since 1982.

00:33:34.000 It's only a matter of time before the House of Cards comes crashing down.

00:33:37.000 I mean, it already is coming crashing down in a sense.

00:33:40.000 If you have retirement savings, your money could be at serious risk.

00:33:44.000 You know, when Biden was elected president, my dad took out 100% of all his investments, stocks, bonds, 401k.

00:33:51.000 He lost, I don't think it was $100,000, but he lost tens of thousands of dollars.

00:33:56.000 And my brother and I made fun of him.

00:33:58.000 And he stirred.

00:34:01.000 He stewed.

00:34:02.000 He was pissed.

00:34:04.000 And here he is now going, I told you so.

00:34:08.000 Now you can't leave.

00:34:11.000 And he was totally right.

00:34:13.000 He wins.

00:34:14.000 He was smart to turn his savings into cash.

00:34:17.000 He's making like, I don't know, 1% a year, and he's way ahead of everyone else.

00:34:23.000 Not losing.

00:34:26.000 Talk to my friends at Goldco to see how you can protect your retirement.

00:34:30.000 Ideally, there's a Goldco that comes up behind me, Ryan. 1.00

00:34:34.000 Yep.

00:34:35.000 That would be perfect.

00:34:36.000 Talk to my friends at Goldco to see how you can protect your retirement with gold and silver before it's too late.

00:34:42.000 Go to gavinlikesgold.com.

00:34:47.000 Any day now, we could go there.

00:34:48.000 The link doesn't work.

00:34:51.000 Really?

00:34:52.000 Let me see.

00:34:53.000 I'm going to try gavinlovesgold.com.

00:34:55.000 I'm being told.

00:34:56.000 And they will give you up to $10,000 in free sofa.

00:34:59.000 There we go.

00:34:59.000 Open an account.

00:35:00.000 Gavin LovesGold.

00:35:02.000 So the mentally unstable, absolute trash bag of a sales guy got the name of the URL wrong in the ad. 0.82

00:35:12.000 That's impressive.

00:35:13.000 That almost lost as the ad.

00:35:16.000 You know what?

00:35:16.000 I've noticed, I have this pain in my tits, and it hurts to go like that.

00:35:21.000 I'm like, I haven't been to the gym since I broke my hand.

00:35:26.000 Why?

00:35:27.000 And then I realized we have that weight set in the garage.

00:35:30.000 I get drunk, and I go to the garage and max out till I'm like bleeding.

00:35:34.000 That's really dangerous, man.

00:35:36.000 Why?

00:35:37.000 Do you have those stoppers?

00:35:39.000 What, it's going to fall and choke me?

00:35:40.000 Well, here's what you do.

00:35:41.000 Do you put the collars on that clip the weights on?

00:35:44.000 Yeah?

00:35:44.000 Don't.

00:35:45.000 Because if it falls on you, you could just dump it.

00:35:47.000 Dude, I'm not lifting 500 pounds.

00:35:49.000 Dude, a 45 could still...

00:35:52.000 It's happened like 13 times in world history.

00:35:56.000 And one of them was a guy who was going to court in a case that involved Hillary Clinton.

00:36:03.000 And a couple days before the case, perfectly balanced on his neck.

00:36:10.000 Wow.

00:36:11.000 I mean, you think of all the different ways to get out of that.

00:36:14.000 I understand you really hurting your windpipe.

00:36:16.000 I understand you bruising yourself, crushing yourself.

00:36:20.000 But like holding a weight and balancing it like a seesaw on your neck until you suffocate?

00:36:28.000 Not possible, but not likely.

00:36:31.000 Yeah.

00:36:32.000 Anyway, I just stuffed an anti-Hillary Clinton conspiracy theory within an advertisement.

00:36:37.000 That's the beauty of this show.

00:36:39.000 So go to GavinNotLikes, loves gold, and they will give you $10,000 in free silver when you open an account.

00:36:49.000 GavinLovesGold.com.

00:36:51.000 Gavin LovesGold.

00:36:55.000 I was at our local, by the way, today to pick up Sylvia.

00:36:59.000 Had a couple beers.

00:37:00.000 Diamonds are our girl's best friend.

00:37:03.000 I like him, the sort of haggard chick, and then the quiet guy who always sits around the corner. 0.98

00:37:09.000 Just fucking filling up the jukebox with new country for an hour.

00:37:14.000 I don't dislike Toby Keith, but some of the other shit, like, that's the biggest tires I've ever seen on a pickup truck.

00:37:22.000 You're just like, dude, shut up.

00:37:26.000 Oh, boy.

00:37:27.000 It's like, Sylvia cannot get here fast enough.

00:37:29.000 I got to get out of this.

00:37:30.000 what?

00:37:37.000 All right.

00:37:38.000 So we've opened that Pandora's box of the letters.

00:37:43.000 And why don't we open that Pandora's box of the calls?

00:37:45.000 Oh, Lord.

00:37:52.000 That's exactly what they were playing.

00:37:54.000 Maybe I'm a...

00:38:02.000 Maybe I'm a grump and I'm not used to being at bars past 3 p.m.

00:38:12.000 Or 5 p.m.

00:38:13.000 Is that normal?

00:38:14.000 You go out more than me.

00:38:16.000 Is it like normal to be there at 6.30 and they're fucking rocking out?

00:38:20.000 I guess they're just coming home from work and a couple beers before they go home.

00:38:25.000 But you don't even like music in any bar.

00:38:28.000 I don't like music.

00:38:29.000 It never makes you happy.

00:38:30.000 I think that's a song on this album.

00:38:32.000 I don't like music.

00:38:33.000 I don't like music.

00:38:34.000 It's got too many notes.

00:38:37.000 Play that song, Ryan.

00:38:41.000 Where is it?

00:38:44.000 I'm in Trouble.

00:38:45.000 Something to do.

00:38:46.000 Don't ask why.

00:38:47.000 This album is really good.

00:38:48.000 It's funny because they're a hardcore band at this point.

00:38:50.000 They're just little kids.

00:38:52.000 think the fucking Tommy Stinson was like 13.

00:38:55.000 Hey, Colin.

00:38:56.000 So what?

00:39:01.000 From a good music sound.

00:39:06.000 Get those ear pods out.

00:39:08.000 So this is an old song, but they're making new music videos for?

00:39:10.000 No, it's a fan video.

00:39:14.000 This is the official Rhino Records thing, though.

00:39:17.000 Oh, cool.

00:39:18.000 I guess Rhino Records made a video of it.

00:39:39.000 was 13 when he made this song and now he's like 40.

00:39:48.000 No, he's 55.

00:39:50.000 1981, I was 11.

00:39:55.000 He was 13, so he's older than me.

00:39:57.000 That chick's hot. 1.00

00:39:59.000 Oh, dude, you want to talk about hot chicks? 0.98

00:40:03.000 Check this out.

00:40:06.000 I almost cried when I saw this, by the way.

00:40:10.000 I'll send it to you.

00:40:11.000 And the reason I almost cried, it's kind of hard to explain.

00:40:14.000 I thought the chick was black, but I think she's a half-nip. 1.00

00:40:18.000 To see someone who's worked their ass off and they perform a routine perfectly, not a stupid dance routine, something that's really, really hard that I don't think Maddie and I could do if they had a gun to our head for the rest of our lives.

00:40:37.000 Like we ate right, we practice every day.

00:40:39.000 I don't know how many years we have left, but I don't think we could ever do anything even close to this.

00:40:44.000 I'm not sure I could ever have done it ever if I started when I was 12.

00:40:49.000 But this little Caitlin Ohashi is perfectly in her element. 0.52

00:40:55.000 She's doing something she's practiced 8 billion times, and she absolutely masters it perfectly.

00:41:02.000 And she sort of reinvents the wheel a bit, like that hip-hop ballet, which is annoying, right?

00:41:08.000 But hip-hop ballet isn't annoying to me if you can do it.

00:41:12.000 I mean, if you can do the main thing.

00:41:14.000 So you could break the rules if you know what the rules are.

00:41:18.000 So she shows you that she knows what the rules are, and then she has fun and parties in between her totally amazing things. 0.98

00:41:24.000 Look at this.

00:41:28.000 It's bigger.

00:41:28.000 What the fuck?

00:41:45.000 What?

00:41:47.000 I've watched the Olympics before.

00:41:49.000 I've never seen anything like that.

00:41:57.000 She's invented new moves.

00:42:01.000 Is it gay to be impressed by this, Maddie? 1.00

00:42:03.000 No.

00:42:03.000 Am I less of a man?

00:42:04.000 I could never do that ever.

00:42:06.000 Dude, what percent of the population can, even if they practice from birth?

00:42:10.000 *laughter*

00:42:16.000 I'm going to learn how to do a standing backflip.

00:42:19.000 Yeah, Ryan could do this.

00:42:20.000 He's better than Jimi Hendrix.

00:42:22.000 No, I couldn't do this, but I'm going to learn how to do a standing backflip.

00:42:25.000 No, you're not.

00:42:25.000 Yes I am.

00:42:34.000 I mean, the dancing is a tiny bit cringe, I will admit.

00:42:40.000 But then look at this.

00:42:44.000 What?

00:42:45.000 Her legs are like stiff as she does the flips. 1.00

00:42:48.000 Yeah.

00:42:49.000 She landed in a split. 1.00

00:42:51.000 Every time you watch the Olympics and they land something like this, there's a little stutter or something after they land.

00:42:57.000 This is zero stutter.

00:42:59.000 It's as controlled as you and I would be if we jumped one foot.

00:43:02.000 Yeah.

00:43:02.000 Standing long jump.

00:43:04.000 Me taking a step.

00:43:06.000 Going up the stairs.

00:43:07.000 Yeah.

00:43:07.000 Getting high fives at the top of the stairs.

00:43:09.000 Yay! 0.99

00:43:10.000 You nailed it.

00:43:11.000 Yeah, that was amazing.

00:43:13.000 Could you do that, Sylvia?

00:43:15.000 Of course.

00:43:16.000 Really?

00:43:17.000 Surprise.

00:43:18.000 Oh, come on. 0.87

00:43:21.000 Gavin likes gold.

00:43:23.000 What a fucking gold.

00:43:23.000 My younger days.

00:43:25.000 I love gold.

00:43:27.000 We got a couple more.

00:43:28.000 Come on, man.

00:43:28.000 I love gold.

00:43:30.000 If somebody sends one more, they're going to disappear, man.

00:43:32.000 So we got to read these so many.

00:43:33.000 I think about the years as much as I think about a fly.

00:43:37.000 As much as a fly does.

00:43:38.000 Come on, man.

00:43:39.000 Roughneck 454, Bingus, Seamus, and Tiny Hat Bear have all contributed.

00:43:45.000 Okay.

00:43:46.000 By the way, we only guarantee we will read these if it's over 50 bucks.

00:43:53.000 But whatever.

00:43:53.000 We got some time and Ryan forgot that rule.

00:43:56.000 Is it true that Ryan found out Gavin is gay because Gavin's dick tastes like shit all the time? 0.72

00:44:01.000 Is that true, Ryan?

00:44:02.000 No, that's disgusting, false, and you should be ashamed of it.

00:44:06.000 I also have wet wipes in my desk drawer.

00:44:08.000 So that's what he calls my mom.

00:44:12.000 Wet wipes, Rivera.

00:44:18.000 Gav, what are your thoughts on aliens in the infinite expanse of the universe?

00:44:21.000 Do you believe we are alone?

00:44:22.000 Yes, I believe in God.

00:44:24.000 We are the chosen ones.

00:44:26.000 We're the Jews.

00:44:27.000 We're the special ones.

00:44:28.000 And the universe revolves around us.

00:44:31.000 You know what it means, the chosen ones?

00:44:33.000 It means the Jews were chosen by God and Moses to keep the Ten Commandments.

00:44:39.000 That's all it means.

00:44:41.000 We were the bodyguards of the Ten Commandments.

00:44:45.000 Okay.

00:44:46.000 I shouldn't have used the chosen ones.

00:44:48.000 I just meant we're special.

00:44:49.000 The universe revolves around us.

00:44:50.000 And this is why atheists are so depressed. 0.99

00:44:52.000 They're like, what's the point of all this?

00:44:54.000 The point of all this is us.

00:44:56.000 We're the plan.

00:44:57.000 Animals are just God's jizz.

00:45:00.000 Plants, they're all pretty and everything.

00:45:02.000 I like a petunia, don't get me wrong.

00:45:04.000 But it's just the ephemera.

00:45:06.000 It's the waste.

00:45:08.000 Like you go to a wood shop and you see sawdust on the ground.

00:45:11.000 The sawdust is the animals and the plants and everything.

00:45:13.000 That's what was on the floor when they made us.

00:45:16.000 We're here for a reason.

00:45:17.000 We're incredibly special.

00:45:18.000 We're a gift.

00:45:19.000 And we're also almost godlike.

00:45:21.000 I know this sounds blasphemous, but we're almost godlike ourselves.

00:45:24.000 Because he made us in his image and we're the only ones there are.

00:45:30.000 Now, if an alien comes down and he's like, hey, you're wrong, I guess I was wrong.

00:45:35.000 It could be a trick from the devil, though.

00:45:37.000 Yeah, I'll be doing tests.

00:45:40.000 You can't just walk up to me in a green suit and say, you are wrong.

00:45:46.000 Gavin, who are the other people on your network?

00:45:49.000 We got an alien here, Nancy Pelosi. 0.88

00:45:52.000 What?

00:45:55.000 I repeat myself.

00:45:56.000 We got an alien here, Nancy Pelosi. 0.88

00:45:59.000 That's a good one, yep.

00:46:02.000 Gavin, who are the other people on your network?

00:46:03.000 What's the origin story of Jim Goad?

00:46:05.000 What's a Dusty Bogan?

00:46:08.000 When does Soph turn 18?

00:46:09.000 Also, when does Ryan turn 18 mentally?

00:46:15.000 Dusty Bogan is like a Canadian, I mean, an Australian redneck, and he's a hoser.

00:46:20.000 He opens up a whole continent for us.

00:46:22.000 Jim Goad got me into writing.

00:46:26.000 When we started Vice in 1994, we were obsessed with Answer Me, and we copied it.

00:46:32.000 I learned my writing style from him.

00:46:35.000 I also learned to be a grammar Nazi from him.

00:46:37.000 If you look at the old Answer Me's, you will not find one mistake, one comma in the wrong place.

00:46:44.000 He's a great copy editor, which sounds boring to most people, but I love the English language.

00:46:51.000 It's not pretty.

00:46:52.000 It's not Latin.

00:46:53.000 It's not French or Italian, but it's a Leatherman. 0.92

00:46:57.000 It just gets the job done.

00:46:58.000 And to see fucking dollar signs on the right-hand side of the number is abortion.

00:47:11.000 It breaks my heart.

00:47:12.000 I have a whole thing on my phone.

00:47:13.000 I have like 40 of them.

00:47:15.000 Every time I see one, I take a screen grab and I put it in the dollar sign folder.

00:47:21.000 I've seen it on sign signs.

00:47:24.000 $40 off.

00:47:25.000 Now, in Europe, the Euro is on the right-hand side.

00:47:29.000 So I will forgive the Quebecois. 0.99

00:47:31.000 If you're in Quebec and you put the dollar sign on the wrong side, I will give you a pass if you have an accent in French.

00:47:38.000 But the rest of the English-speaking world?

00:47:43.000 What are you doing?

00:47:45.000 Craziness.

00:47:47.000 Maddie, is that Sylv's lipstick on your lips?

00:47:50.000 No.

00:47:52.000 Just a good old-fashioned colesaur.

00:47:55.000 Just a good old-fashioned colesaur.

00:47:59.000 Coming through.

00:48:00.000 I got it from Sylvia.

00:48:02.000 Sylvia, you didn't kiss Maddie on the lips, did you?

00:48:05.000 He's too young.

00:48:07.000 You like your men older.

00:48:10.000 He's too young.

00:48:11.000 So does John Waters.

00:48:12.000 I'd wear him out.

00:48:14.000 Gavin, yeah, so we answered.

00:48:16.000 So we got all those.

00:48:17.000 All right, let's take some calls.

00:48:19.000 Oh, okey dokey.

00:48:20.000 Oh, whoa.

00:48:21.000 And then let's go behind the pay dubs. 0.98

00:48:23.000 Motherfucker pay dubs. 0.78

00:48:26.000 The wild wild west of fashions.

00:48:31.000 Just a reminder that Eric Adams said the wild, wild west when talking about when he meant the wild west.

00:48:37.000 I was thinking about that the other day.

00:48:38.000 I was like, that is very underrated.

00:48:40.000 Oh, yeah.

00:48:41.000 That's underratedly.

00:48:42.000 Remember that, Maddie?

00:48:43.000 What's that?

00:48:44.000 Eric Adams, who is, if you want to see Eric Adams with clear eyes, he is a 13-year-old who won the lottery.

00:48:51.000 That's how you have to see him.

00:48:52.000 He's Tom Hanks in big.

00:48:54.000 That's who Eric Adams is.

00:48:55.000 That's who our mayor is.

00:48:58.000 He was a shitty cop.

00:48:59.000 Everyone hated him when he was a cop.

00:49:00.000 He's always complaining about racism and suing people and complaining to get moved up.

00:49:06.000 And he was talking about crime in New York and how bad it is.

00:49:11.000 Yes, thank you, Mr. Mayor.

00:49:12.000 And he said it's like the wild, wild west because of the movie.

00:49:16.000 It's in his fucking 12-year-old cranium.

00:49:19.000 This ain't a wild, wild west out here.

00:49:22.000 You do not allow the men and women of the police department to be...

00:49:39.000 We will not allow the men and women of the police department to be subjected to further danger, making their already difficult jobs even more horroring.

00:49:52.000 Horroring.

00:49:53.000 Not harrowing, but horroring.

00:49:56.000 It's like a horror movie.

00:49:59.000 He probably thinks that harrowing comes from horror.

00:50:04.000 Oh, Halloween was so scary.

00:50:07.000 It was horroring.

00:50:09.000 Oh, I was giving out candy all night to kids dressed up as monsters.

00:50:12.000 It was the most horroring night of my life.

00:50:14.000 It is implemented.

00:50:16.000 And we cannot allow the Wild, Wild West.

00:50:22.000 When I'm bouncing through the wild, wild west, it's cold Wild, wild west The wild, wild west, it's cold Sitco.

00:50:30.000 He's quoting Sisco.

00:50:34.000 Not even Will Smith.

00:50:35.000 Not even Will Smith.

00:50:37.000 Will Smith is too cool to say Wild, Wild Wild.

00:50:39.000 We cannot allow New York to unleash the dragon.

00:50:43.000 That's another song for him.

00:50:44.000 We are closing strip clubs in New York City.

00:50:49.000 And if there are adult dancing places, you will only be able to see a thong, tha-thong, thong, thong.

00:50:56.000 We got cover your asses. 0.98

00:50:57.000 We don't try to see a thong tha-thong thong.

00:51:01.000 We are instituting a curfew in New York City because we have noticed through our statistical research that the freaks come out at night.

00:51:11.000 A lot of y'all bitches be scandalous, and you know that Eric can't handle this. 1.00

00:51:17.000 I was born and raised in New York City.

00:51:20.000 I used to read Word Up magazine.

00:51:26.000 Child.

00:51:27.000 Even look at her like she's in the fucking F1 Brotherhood.

00:51:31.000 What is that public enemy guy, the soldiers that they'd have in the S1Ws?

00:51:35.000 Yeah, she's standing there like an S1W. 1.00

00:51:38.000 Calm down there, Mrs. Griff.

00:51:43.000 Now listen, California knows how to party, but New York, New York, it's a city where dreams is made of.

00:51:51.000 You know, we want to enforce better health codes in New York City.

00:51:56.000 A lot of the restaurants since COVID have been thwarting these laws.

00:52:00.000 The peas are mushy and the chicken tastes like wood.

00:52:06.000 So I want everyone on the right, we have Republicans and we have Democrats in New York City.

00:52:12.000 On the Democrat side, I want to hear you say there's a potty over here. 1.00

00:52:15.000 Fuck you over there. 1.00

00:52:18.000 Now, can I clear my throat, ladies? 0.86

00:52:22.000 Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.

00:52:27.000 He just needs a beat box.

00:52:28.000 That S1W should just start going. 0.60

00:52:32.000 He's done absolutely nothing.

00:52:34.000 He is retarded. 1.00

00:52:36.000 And I told you, I said, he's not a cop.

00:52:41.000 The New York Post fell for the whole cop thing, hookline and sinker.

00:52:44.000 They're like, finally, law and order.

00:52:46.000 We got a cop.

00:52:47.000 Tough on crime.

00:52:48.000 You don't have a cop.

00:52:50.000 This is not fucking Kojak.

00:52:52.000 This is a silly child who sues at the drop of a hat because he's lazy.

00:52:59.000 And look at him at that gala.

00:53:01.000 Gala where he had like a Keith Herring wannabe right all over his fucking gay coat. 0.99

00:53:10.000 Black. 0.93

00:53:10.000 He's always at parties. 0.93

00:53:11.000 That's why I say the 13-year-old.

00:53:13.000 He's Tom Hanks in big.

00:53:16.000 He spends every night out partying, going to launches.

00:53:20.000 He's just, this is, his budget this year is $100 billion.

00:53:24.000 That is every person on earth donating $14 to Eric Adams.

00:53:30.000 Starving babies in Africa. 1.00

00:53:32.000 Some woman in India in that river where there's like a hand floating next to you. 1.00

00:53:37.000 Some Thai rice farmer with a big straw hat has to pull out $14 for Eric Adams. 0.86

00:53:46.000 $100 billion?

00:53:47.000 I was outraged when we sent $40 billion to Ukraine.

00:53:51.000 Who knew that was nothing?

00:53:54.000 It's insane.

00:53:55.000 What the fuck is this?

00:53:56.000 Who is that?

00:53:59.000 Who was that picture?

00:54:00.000 Who does that?

00:54:01.000 I think his mama?

00:54:02.000 That when poll workers gave him an "I Boated" sticker, he placed it on his mother's picture before putting one on his own lapel.

00:54:09.000 I'm not supposed to be able to do it.

00:54:10.000 We don't get it.

00:54:11.000 Putin is like Hitler.

00:54:13.000 We have to stop him.

00:54:14.000 Why is she in a Hennessy glass? 0.99

00:54:17.000 Is that some shit in the hood I do not understand?

00:54:19.000 Oh my God.

00:54:20.000 You're right.

00:54:21.000 What the fuck is that?

00:54:23.000 She's meant to be swizzled. 1.00

00:54:24.000 What do they call it?

00:54:25.000 When you swirl around?

00:54:26.000 Swill?

00:54:27.000 Who puts their dead mother in a glass of alcohol? 1.00

00:54:30.000 My mama always wanted to be swilled.

00:54:32.000 My mother died of alcoholism, and we support that. 0.97

00:54:36.000 She was the best drunk in the world.

00:54:37.000 She was a fun drunk, and she was proud of her alcoholism, and we don't see it as a bad thing.

00:54:44.000 We're proud of her.

00:54:46.000 She would drink a bottle of Hennessy every day.

00:54:49.000 Everyday New York is going to realize that they deserve the right to stand in the city also.

00:54:55.000 Yes.

00:54:55.000 They deserve the right.

00:54:56.000 They deserve the right.

00:54:57.000 Can we be not stabbed?

00:54:59.000 Oh my God, do they have Eric Adams' masks on?

00:55:01.000 Yes.

00:55:02.000 Holy shit, dude.

00:55:03.000 That's what Mugabe does.

00:55:06.000 Mugabe has his own textile.

00:55:08.000 His suit.

00:55:10.000 Yeah.

00:55:10.000 Which I would kill for, by the way.

00:55:12.000 If there's any Zimbabweans out there, I'll pay top dollar for a fucking. 1.00

00:55:17.000 Nita Fashions, if you're listening, can you make me a Mugabe suit?

00:55:21.000 Oh, boy.

00:55:23.000 I met a woman whose housekeeper is from Zimbabwe, and I was like, I need merch.

00:55:28.000 I need merch.

00:55:30.000 What do you got?

00:55:31.000 She goes back to visit her family.

00:55:33.000 Can you get me Mugabe gear?

00:55:36.000 And then she didn't get me shit, but a baby monster heard, and I got a Zimbabwean, I believe it's a $3 million bill. 0.92

00:55:43.000 You know that is.

00:55:44.000 Yeah.

00:55:44.000 It's worth like $4.

00:55:47.000 It's our merch guy.

00:55:48.000 Oh, is that our merch guy that got me there?

00:55:50.000 Yeah.

00:55:51.000 It's beautiful.

00:55:52.000 Don't get me wrong.

00:55:54.000 We're going to have a merch set up in Dallas too, all y'all motherfuckers. 1.00

00:55:58.000 Mugabe is such a good leader, was such a good leader, that the majority of Zimbabweans were millionaires.

00:56:07.000 I mean, you can't beat that.

00:56:08.000 My name is Bob Mugabe.

00:56:10.000 I'm the number one banana in Zimbabwe.

00:56:16.000 I don't know what this is.

00:56:18.000 I haven't got a clue, so I blame it.

00:56:22.000 Seems a little boomery. 0.96

00:56:23.000 So we're going to stop that.

00:56:25.000 We've got calls.

00:56:26.000 We do, we do.

00:56:27.000 Let's take a call.

00:56:28.000 But first, I'm going to shoot Sylvia and kill her.

00:56:31.000 Sylvia, you had a good run?

00:56:34.000 Let's say goodbye.

00:56:36.000 I'm angling this now that I know it doesn't shoot that directly.

00:56:39.000 Ready?

00:56:40.000 Wait, does she have any last words?

00:56:42.000 Do you want to say goodbye, your daughter or anything?

00:56:45.000 You can't kill a Jew. 0.71

00:56:48.000 Oh, yeah, the Romans did.

00:56:49.000 Lights out, Jew bag. 1.00

00:56:54.000 Close, but no cigars.

00:56:56.000 So that's 20.

00:56:57.000 It does 20 feet, I would say.

00:56:58.000 So would that do the cap in the gap?

00:57:00.000 Yeah, right?

00:57:01.000 Yeah.

00:57:01.000 Okay.

00:57:03.000 Yeah, but I'm going to have to become a fucking Jesse James ninja to calculate the arc because it's not much of an arc.

00:57:11.000 Not really.

00:57:12.000 You do have it.

00:57:12.000 Yeah, you do.

00:57:13.000 Thank you, Sylvia.

00:57:14.000 Thank you.

00:57:15.000 You try to shoot someone in the head and they're like, good news. 1.00

00:57:19.000 Danny's on the line.

00:57:21.000 What's up, Danny?

00:57:23.000 Hey, Gavin, how's it going, buddy?

00:57:24.000 Thank you.

00:57:25.000 Good.

00:57:27.000 Hey, I got a song request for you.

00:57:30.000 Okay.

00:57:30.000 I didn't know we were DJing, but let's do it.

00:57:34.000 I would like you to give your honest opinion on it.

00:57:36.000 This guy named Slo Paxo.

00:57:38.000 He's from my hometown.

00:57:39.000 Ryan, pull this up on YouTube.

00:57:40.000 S-L-O-P-A-X-O. 1.00

00:57:45.000 He just released a song two days ago.

00:57:47.000 It's called Moso.

00:57:48.000 Slope.

00:57:49.000 Paso.

00:57:50.000 Slopexo.

00:57:51.000 Slopaxo.

00:57:52.000 I don't really know how you pronounce it.

00:57:53.000 You don't know how to pronounce your friends, man.

00:57:55.000 Where are you from?

00:57:56.000 What town is this?

00:57:58.000 Orange County, California.

00:57:59.000 I think he lives out in LA now.

00:58:01.000 He's an old childhood buddy, and every time I see what he's up to, I see his songs going off.

00:58:07.000 But I don't want to influence your opinion, so I want to keep mine.

00:58:10.000 I'll give you my honest opinion.

00:58:12.000 Thanks for coming.

00:58:13.000 All right.

00:58:13.000 Thanks for calling.

00:58:17.000 Sucks.

00:58:17.000 Boring.

00:58:18.000 What a waste of time.

00:58:22.000 Stop.

00:58:24.000 We already gave the verdict.

00:58:26.000 Verdict.

00:58:27.000 That was an absolute waste of time, that was.

00:58:30.000 What a shit, boring, stupid, garbage.

00:58:33.000 That was a true stinky third world song. 0.92

00:58:37.000 G-Dog, did you notice that there were butt boys at your Vegas show? 0.87

00:58:41.000 What?

00:58:42.000 There's a guy in a chair with two dudes.

00:58:44.000 You let us slide in there and take a pic with you.

00:58:46.000 Butt Boys for Life.

00:58:48.000 What do you mean?

00:58:49.000 Someone was butting in line for selfies?

00:58:52.000 Huh.

00:58:54.000 It was a guy in a chair.

00:58:55.000 I don't know.

00:58:56.000 You should have shot him.

00:58:57.000 Oh.

00:58:58.000 Stabbed him.

00:58:59.000 Oh.

00:59:00.000 The guy in the wheelchair.

00:59:02.000 Yeah.

00:59:03.000 That doesn't count.

00:59:04.000 Yes, it does.

00:59:05.000 Wheelchair people have to wait in line. 1.00

00:59:07.000 I don't know.

00:59:08.000 What?

00:59:09.000 I'm kind of pro-wheelchair get to do whatever they want, guy.

00:59:12.000 No fucking way.

00:59:14.000 First of all, you're sitting in a chair.

00:59:15.000 I don't know why they get to get in front of us at the airport.

00:59:19.000 I'll show you why.

00:59:21.000 This is a thing that Donovan commented on also.

00:59:24.000 Yeah, that's different.

00:59:26.000 You saw it?

00:59:27.000 Yes.

00:59:29.000 Hi, everyone.

00:59:29.000 I'm Jenny.

00:59:30.000 I'm a wheelchair user, and I'm paralyzed.

00:59:32.000 Okay, one detail she's leaving out.

00:59:34.000 She was wiping her ass. 0.94

00:59:36.000 I didn't know that.

00:59:37.000 They did not have toilet paper on that plane, so she wiped her ass down the aisle. 0.82

00:59:41.000 And nobody shoot her off the carpet?

00:59:43.000 This is how I get onto a plane usually using an aisle chair.

00:59:47.000 This is what they got me onto the plane with, but unfortunately, on my flight, they didn't have an aisle chair.

00:59:52.000 Do you know how bad I'd feel if Donovan came all the way out to see Olympic with me and this is what he had to do?

00:59:57.000 The problem with being a man there that wants to help her, what the fuck do you do?

01:00:01.000 Drag her, I guess. 1.00

01:00:02.000 Like, you can't just grab her t-shirt and pull her.

01:00:05.000 You got to be strong enough to get your hands under her armpits. 1.00

01:00:08.000 But now that you put your hands under her armpits, it makes her arms wider. 1.00

01:00:12.000 And I don't think they would.

01:00:13.000 She can get through.

01:00:14.000 I don't think there's anything you could do.

01:00:15.000 Like, outside of putting a rope would be ideal.

01:00:18.000 You get a rope under her tits and through her armpits. 1.00

01:00:21.000 Then I could pull her.

01:00:22.000 And I could handle that.

01:00:24.000 But I can't help you in the aisle, dear.

01:00:25.000 One staff member quite rudely told me that disabled people should just wear nappies on board, which I find bizarre that people think that that is the solution to this scenario.

01:00:33.000 I got a solution.

01:00:35.000 Move your legs.

01:00:38.000 What?

01:00:39.000 Like, why would you just stand up and walk down the aisle, obviously?

01:00:44.000 Why is she doing that? 1.00

01:00:46.000 I don't know if they can.

01:00:47.000 No, it's laziness.

01:00:50.000 A lot of people.

01:00:51.000 She's so lazy that she won't move her legs. 1.00

01:00:54.000 She wants attention. 0.99

01:00:55.000 Yes, she's doing it for attention. 0.99

01:01:00.000 Sorry, you can't travel, Gimps. 1.00

01:01:04.000 Let's take another call and hope it doesn't suck as bad as that.

01:01:07.000 Absolute stinkeroo. 0.97

01:01:09.000 This one's about music, too.

01:01:10.000 587, you're on the line.

01:01:14.000 Bye-bye, Kundran Jesus. 0.98

01:01:16.000 It's so nice to get through to you, boys.

01:01:19.000 Thank you.

01:01:20.000 How's it going, fellas?

01:01:22.000 So I was going to talk about music, but that last call kind of really sucked, so let's not do that.

01:01:28.000 My girlfriend is from Zimbabwe, and I asked her about that textile.

01:01:33.000 It's not available.

01:01:35.000 It's not available to the public there.

01:01:37.000 I think he got it made for himself.

01:01:39.000 Okay, that doesn't mean you give up.

01:01:41.000 That means you've got to break into the palace and find it or find someone who worked for him or pay a maid.

01:01:47.000 You've got to find some stealing that made it for him.

01:01:49.000 Yeah, it's probably, you know, honestly, it's probably actually easier just to make it ourselves.

01:01:55.000 Because you know, you know, every time I have a dream like this, I talk to a guy who talks to the guy and then someone sets it up and then I pay like 800 bucks and then this guy sends it and you finally get it and it's like Halloween costume garbage polyester.

01:02:11.000 And you're like, this is not what I imagined.

01:02:14.000 Although he is such a megalomaniac, it's probably high-quality fabric.

01:02:18.000 Is he wearing the Jurassic?

01:02:20.000 Wait, how'd you just change the color there?

01:02:21.000 It's keyed out for the Super Icy.

01:02:24.000 Yep.

01:02:29.000 Sorry, sir.

01:02:30.000 Go ahead.

01:02:30.000 Go ahead, color.

01:02:31.000 Sorry?

01:02:33.000 Oh, I said the one I saw, it was like a bright orange pumpkin color with his stupid face all over it.

01:02:40.000 Exactly like those Eric Adams masks.

01:02:42.000 Yeah.

01:02:43.000 It would be funny to show up at an important event, like an awards ceremony, and just have the Academy Awards and just have a Mugabe suit on and never mention it. 0.90

01:02:53.000 But would it be funnier if it was his face or your face in his image?

01:02:58.000 With the Zimbabwean floor.

01:03:00.000 Look at that suit.

01:03:02.000 My kingdom for that suit.

01:03:04.000 That's the ultimate Chad move, Gabby.

01:03:08.000 Yeah, I don't know.

01:03:09.000 Yeah, maybe you're right.

01:03:11.000 That could be funny.

01:03:12.000 It's a different kind of joke, though.

01:03:13.000 What the fuck is on your head?

01:03:15.000 I guess it's just a beret.

01:03:18.000 You have to have a beret.

01:03:20.000 Everyone needs a beret.

01:03:21.000 Look at that.

01:03:22.000 So it's not just, it's not just one or two suits.

01:03:26.000 His entire wardrobe is Robert Mugabe-based.

01:03:30.000 I remember I read this great article about his, he had these gold glasses that were 100% like 14 karat gold.

01:03:36.000 And the writer, who was African, said, it is unclear if he is wearing the glasses or the glasses are wearing him.

01:03:45.000 Fancy the cowboy hat for a little bit.

01:03:47.000 Cowboy hat.

01:03:49.000 This guy fucking rules.

01:03:51.000 He's the best evil person, better than Hitler. 1.00

01:03:55.000 Look at him.

01:03:56.000 Eat your heart out, Stalin.

01:03:59.000 Did you hear about his secretary?

01:04:01.000 So he has a bunch of kids and he sent them overseas to get educated or whatever.

01:04:06.000 And then he just gave the country to his secretary that he was voning.

01:04:08.000 Yeah, yeah, because she gave good head. 1.00

01:04:10.000 And that started a revolution, obviously, because the people were not happy about some slut getting the country as a gift. 1.00

01:04:20.000 All right, thanks, Tom.

01:04:22.000 I'm simply out of time.

01:04:26.000 Bye.

01:04:27.000 Oh, that's a Perry reference.

01:04:29.000 I'm simply out of time.

01:04:30.000 I'm De Niro, baby.

01:04:33.000 Okay, I think we should go behind the paywall now.

01:04:35.000 But before we do, guys, we have new sauces coming next week.

01:04:39.000 A new precious metals company coming onto the show this month.

01:04:42.000 Sports betting is coming back this month.

01:04:44.000 And those established titles, guys, are coming back in November.

01:04:47.000 You're actually going to be able to buy a plot of land next to my plot of land in Scotland.

01:04:52.000 So stay tuned and thanks.

01:04:53.000 Blah, blah, blah.

01:04:56.000 Again, Nita Fashions is on tour.

01:04:59.000 Contact them.

01:05:00.000 I'm ow!

01:05:02.000 Ha ha.

01:05:02.000 That didn't really hurt.

01:05:03.000 It just scared me.

01:05:04.000 Aww.

01:05:04.000 My first instinct.

01:05:05.000 Now, what's wrong with my Scottish accent?

01:05:08.000 It puts me in a bad mood for hours.

01:05:10.000 But what exactly about it sucks?

01:05:12.000 Because I really worked on it after a couple of days.

01:05:14.000 Okay, do a sentence and then I'll do a sentence.

01:05:16.000 Okay.

01:05:17.000 Well, how about you do it first?

01:05:18.000 No, that's cheating.

01:05:19.000 Okay.

01:05:20.000 Let's see.

01:05:23.000 So the real problem that we've got.

01:05:25.000 Like real.

01:05:26.000 Why do you gotta come in with real?

01:05:27.000 Why do you gotta suck it up into your face somewhere? 0.99

01:05:29.000 Well, I think they do a lot of trill in their.

01:05:33.000 A lot of trill in that.

01:05:34.000 They do a lot of trill in that.

01:05:35.000 Are you from Norway?

01:05:37.000 Are you a Scottish guy that lived in Finland for a long time?

01:05:42.000 When you wear a cult.

01:05:43.000 When you wear a cult.

01:05:44.000 When you're out there on the field, I fight for my meals.

01:05:50.000 It's not to be persistent, or whatever you call it.

01:05:54.000 It's not bad, is it?

01:05:55.000 It's got a tinge of not so.

01:05:58.000 When you wear a kilt, when you're out there, you fight for your meals.

01:06:02.000 You've got this thing where you go down like that.

01:06:07.000 You know who I'm basing it on?

01:06:09.000 mulatto guy. 0.96

01:06:10.000 Now, the reason why he talks so anglicized is because if I were to talk...

01:06:16.000 Wait.

01:06:22.000 He's been totally eviscerated by that dude with the mustache who goes through all the blackifization of history in general, but also British history. 0.99

01:06:33.000 Bruce Fummy?

01:06:34.000 Yeah, he's a white dude who happens to have a black dad.

01:06:38.000 And I'm talking about the guy you just showed.

01:06:42.000 Is there a debate that he does?

01:06:44.000 Oh, maybe that's a different guy, actually.

01:06:46.000 I mean, he does inject racism.

01:06:48.000 Don't learn your Scottish impression from a fucking... 1.00

01:06:53.000 No.

01:06:56.000 Like, if you want to learn Scottish, dude, watch Rab Nesbitt.

01:07:01.000 That's Glaswegian.

01:07:02.000 I think that's a step above a regular Scottish accent.

01:07:06.000 Yeah.

01:07:06.000 So if you're not going to be able to do it, if you want to spar, spar with someone who's a better fighter than you.

01:07:11.000 Oh, that's true.

01:07:13.000 fighting a girl jet push out a fight I thought it was a coup I'm banging up it's like that *laughter* Alright. 1.00

01:07:26.000 A coup?

01:07:26.000 He thought it was a cow.

01:07:27.000 He thought it was a coup.

01:07:29.000 That's a fat, ugly girl. 1.00

01:07:32.000 Let me see.

01:07:36.000 I'm looking for this drum here.

01:07:38.000 You any idea where it is?

01:07:40.000 I'm looking for the students.

01:07:41.000 You have any idea what it is?

01:07:43.000 That's when his son ran away from home and he had to go to London.

01:07:46.000 And he asked this British, he goes, See, see my win. 0.99

01:07:50.000 He's going away and all that.

01:07:51.000 I can't find him.

01:07:52.000 I'm fucking driving all over London trying to find my win.

01:07:55.000 And the British guy's like, I'm sorry.

01:07:58.000 I can't understand you.

01:08:00.000 And he goes, you can't understand me.

01:08:02.000 Do you watch EastEnders?

01:08:04.000 And he goes, EastEnders, the show.

01:08:06.000 Yes, I enjoy it very much.

01:08:07.000 And it's an Australian soap opera.

01:08:10.000 He's like, that's fucking from halfway around the world. 0.84

01:08:13.000 I'm from up the roads.

01:08:15.000 And you can't understand me.

01:08:20.000 Or watch still game with subtitles.

01:08:27.000 Is that your culture?

01:08:30.000 Are you George Bish?

01:08:32.000 Ah, George Bish.

01:08:33.000 Ask him if he's Cape Mish, man. 0.96

01:08:35.000 Ask him.

01:08:35.000 Shut up, man.

01:08:36.000 Shut up. 0.95

01:08:37.000 Are you Cape Mish?

01:08:39.000 Aye, that's right.

01:08:41.000 Couple of Egypt. 0.85

01:08:43.000 Bows.

01:08:45.000 Yeah.

01:08:46.000 You stupid pop cup.

01:08:48.000 Deliance, man.

01:08:52.000 Yeah, you do need subtitles.

01:08:54.000 You didn't get that?

01:08:55.000 No.

01:08:55.000 You stupid coo?

01:08:57.000 That I heard.

01:08:58.000 Now what she said.

01:09:00.000 Yeah.

01:09:01.000 You stupid-Oh!

01:09:04.000 Stupid old cow. 1.00

01:09:09.000 You've got an empire biscuit in there.

01:09:10.000 He's obviously special and he likes empire biscuits.

01:09:16.000 Maddie, when you see that, do you think of like going there as a kid in the fucking rain and the drik and the gray?

01:09:26.000 Oh.

01:09:27.000 Where would they be without booze?

01:09:30.000 Wait, now I'm addicted.

01:09:32.000 Big cocks. 0.96

01:09:32.000 Jesus. 0.96

01:09:34.000 Big cocks. 0.96

01:09:36.000 Big cocks. 0.96

01:09:37.000 Jesus.

01:09:43.000 But I never hiked it.

01:09:46.000 Let's say smashing.

01:09:47.000 £2.60, please.

01:09:49.000 Do call again.

01:09:50.000 Victor, would you love?

01:09:51.000 Not smashing £2.60.

01:09:53.000 Do call again.

01:09:54.000 Did you get that?

01:09:54.000 I heard all that, yeah.

01:09:55.000 Okay.

01:09:56.000 Yeah, it's much tamer, these guys.

01:09:58.000 What kind of Scottish accent is that?

01:09:59.000 It's Glasgow.

01:10:00.000 Is it?

01:10:01.000 Yeah.

01:10:02.000 Rob Nesbitt is like working-class drunk slur.

01:10:05.000 These guys are more buttoned up, but they're from the same street.

01:10:08.000 I'm not.

01:10:09.000 I'm not.

01:10:16.000 They must be taking over Navid's shop.

01:10:19.000 I've never seen this episode.

01:10:23.000 It gives me great pleasure to see.

01:10:26.000 He does go, Greet, they do roll their R's. 0.98

01:10:28.000 I never said they don't roll their R's. 1.00

01:10:30.000 I just don't like the oopa loopa ookie dookie thing you do.

01:10:34.000 All right, cheer.

01:10:37.000 It's like, it's not an upy-downy.

01:10:39.000 It's like a constant exhale.

01:10:41.000 Like, see, you people hanging is too good for you.

01:10:43.000 I'm not going to tolerate this, by the way, there, big man.

01:10:45.000 I've been doing this for too long to be waiting around listening to you go up and doing and up and doing up the fucking Glen Carey, Glenn Ross, and all that, by the way, there, Big Man.

01:10:54.000 It's absolutely unacceptable.

01:10:56.000 It's there's no ookie-bookie.

01:11:00.000 All right.

01:11:02.000 It's a car pulling into a driveway.

01:11:05.000 Serious people, it's going to be no more.

01:11:07.000 I'll tell you that right now.

01:11:08.000 There's no going to change in a million years, by the way, there, big man.

01:11:13.000 Now, I don't know what content to Mugabe suit.

01:11:19.000 I used to work for a motocross manufacturer where we would use a process called dye sublimation and heat transfer degrade jerseys.

01:11:29.000 Not the kind your spinster aunt uses for her Etsy store.

01:11:32.000 We're talking pro MX jerseys.

01:11:36.000 there were many different types of fabric we use.

01:11:38.000 Pretty sure there's a basic that would sublimate well and still feel like a good suit.

01:11:45.000 If you can't get the actual Mugabe fabric, I think this may be the root.

01:11:48.000 Okay, what about this?

01:11:50.000 What if I talk to Nita Fashions and I say, how much roll do you need for a suit? 0.86

01:11:57.000 I don't know.

01:11:58.000 Say it's like five yards by a yard, right?

01:12:02.000 Five by one yards.

01:12:04.000 So I ship that to these guys.

01:12:09.000 And I get my Mugabe suit.

01:12:11.000 Oh.

01:12:12.000 I could do it on Photoshop, maybe.

01:12:14.000 So they, they, yeah, we get the print.

01:12:16.000 That's easy enough.

01:12:17.000 We could just look at it and recreate it.

01:12:20.000 And that wrinkle you just saw was because it's a finished t-shirt.

01:12:24.000 I'm going to be sending them just five yards of fabric.

01:12:27.000 There's going to be no wrinkles to worry about.

01:12:29.000 And then I send it back to Nita Fashions, and they make my fucking Mugabe suit.

01:12:34.000 And then I start going to important functions.

01:12:37.000 It was a Mugabe suit.

01:12:39.000 In a Mugabe suit?

01:12:40.000 Funerals.

01:12:41.000 Yeah, you're just booking funerals to go to?

01:12:44.000 Important talks.

01:12:45.000 Oh, my God.

01:12:46.000 I'm doing a talk at Penn State in October.

01:12:49.000 That would be so good to get out there.

01:12:51.000 Hello.

01:12:59.000 Turns into that frog.

01:13:03.000 Let's get behind the paywall. 0.88

01:13:05.000 You've had enough fun.

01:13:06.000 We're going to go take some calls, get to know our people.

01:13:09.000 My favorite thing about Thursday nights is we get to know the baby monsters.

01:13:12.000 We get to know the people who pay $10 a month to watch all of our shows, which are, I'd say, like five hours a day of total content.

01:13:19.000 A lot of shit.

01:13:20.000 More than you should be watching.

01:13:21.000 If you're watching everything on censored.tv, you got to get a life.

01:13:25.000 When we started it, I felt bad saying new shit every day because it wasn't true.

01:13:28.000 So I didn't say it.

01:13:30.000 But now it's, oh yeah, there's more than you can watch, more than you can handle.

01:13:35.000 And I do six days a week.

01:13:39.000 Sometimes the show is an hour if Ryan's away and we're in a rush.

01:13:44.000 Sometimes like tomorrow, it's four hours.

01:13:46.000 And that's how you hear about fun events like our show in Dallas this weekend, Friday and Saturday, our show in Chicago coming up, starring Crip Daddy.

01:13:55.000 Woo! 0.99

01:13:56.000 Crip Daddy can't get on planes with that stupid wheelchair. 1.00

01:14:00.000 So one of the only opportunities he has to do his stand-up, which is ironic, is when the promoters are in Chicago.

01:14:10.000 So he's going to be there in his little chair doing his little like, hair joke.

01:14:15.000 It's so funny that he looks like the scariest guy in Better Call Saw, and he's the least scary guy in Better Call Earth.

01:14:24.000 But yeah, he'll be there.

01:14:26.000 And then we have a New York thing.

01:14:27.000 We'll have to announce that like eight seconds before because New York is a big Antifa town.

01:14:34.000 Although, maybe we should just tell them and rough them up like we did.

01:14:38.000 I will clap some cheeks.

01:14:40.000 When we did an NYU, we beat up like dozens of Antifa when I did my NYU talk until some of the guys felt bad.

01:14:50.000 Remember Friar Tuck?

01:14:51.000 Yeah.

01:14:52.000 He was like, I got to stop.

01:14:54.000 He's a monster.

01:14:56.000 He played football in college.

01:14:57.000 He's like 30 feet tall.

01:14:59.000 He's a giant.

01:15:00.000 And he goes, after a while, it wasn't fun.

01:15:03.000 It was kind of sad.

01:15:04.000 Anyway, yeah.

01:15:07.000 So see you in Dallas tonight.

01:15:10.000 And for those of you who are willing to forego the cost of a beer and a half a month, we will stick around.

01:15:19.000 And for you freeloaders, sorry, party's over.

01:15:23.000 Get fired.

01:15:23.000 Get in trouble.

01:15:25.000 Be brave.

01:15:25.000 And never stop fighting.

01:15:30.000 Violent protest over a speaker on campus here.

01:15:33.000 Fuck you, Normie.

01:15:34.000 He is apparently a Canadian writer, actor, comedian.

01:15:37.000 He's the co-founder of Vice.

01:15:38.000 No fuck another vagina, you gross pigs. 1.00

01:15:44.000 Serious episode on the comedy of the speaker.

01:15:48.000 You got big fucking pigs.

01:15:53.000 I watched that and I said, this chick's too retarded to fucking do it. 1.00

01:15:57.000 They take anything you say and then fucking twist it around.

01:16:01.000 This is the part of Seth that's gonna get real mean before I leave.

01:16:05.000 Wow.

01:16:06.000 I see booty!

01:16:06.000 I think booty!

01:16:10.000 I think booty! 0.96

01:16:10.000 I think I see! 0.96

01:16:10.000 No more filthy. 0.96

01:16:12.000 You c***. 1.00

01:16:12.000 They think we want to tell those kind of jokes. 1.00

01:16:16.000 That's right.

01:16:32.000 Get your tickets.

01:16:33.000 TinyURL.com slash CensoredLive.

01:16:35.000 That's CensoredLive for dates and tickets.

01:16:39.000 Don't miss the tickets.

01:16:41.000 available VIP tickets.

01:16:43.000 And of course, you can catch us in Chicago, New York, and the upcoming show in Dallas.

01:16:48.000 Four shows, two nights.

01:16:49.000 Ladies and gentlemen, get your tickets.

01:16:51.000 tinyroll.com slash censored live.

01:16:55.000 Everybody from censored up TV special guests meet and greet Of course a delicious merch table with souvenirs that you're gonna want to take home and maybe even get signed.

01:17:09.000 Who knows?

01:17:10.000 Gonna be a little spicy.

01:17:14.000 Timeurl.com slash censored live.

01:17:17.000 Back to the show.

01:17:19.000 Didn't you just repeat what I just said?

01:17:22.000 Yeah.

01:17:23.000 Yeah.

01:17:23.000 I wanted to fill the dead air.

01:17:27.000 Well, it's a commercial break.

01:17:32.000 I wonder if they have to get weird insurance when you make something like this.

01:17:36.000 Like, what if a kid shoots someone in the eye?

01:17:40.000 How does Nerf survive?

01:17:42.000 They must have insane insurance.

01:17:44.000 Have they ever been sued?

01:17:46.000 Nerf? 0.98

01:17:48.000 They have to.

01:17:49.000 Look up Nerf Litigation. 0.54

01:17:51.000 That's a good name for a band.

01:17:54.000 I gotta put that on my list.

01:17:55.000 Nerf litigation.

01:17:57.000 Litigation.

01:17:58.000 Very difficult litigation.

01:17:59.000 Very nerf litigation.

01:18:01.000 She did.

01:18:03.000 I have hundreds of band names.

01:18:07.000 Want to hear some?

01:18:08.000 Yeah.

01:18:09.000 Nerd.

01:18:09.000 Wait, Nerf Litigation.

01:18:13.000 I've got a I've got a Discord for my music group, guys, and they there's an entire channel for just band names, and they're come up with some good ones.

01:18:20.000 Nerf Litigation.

01:18:21.000 Crucified Cat, Completely Nude.

01:18:24.000 Literal Pigs. 0.98

01:18:25.000 Pat's Pretty Finger.

01:18:27.000 Which is Manicurist by the Duns.

01:18:34.000 Maybe Joe Tonelli goes there.

01:18:35.000 Sore skin.

01:18:37.000 Sugarless Ketchup.

01:18:39.000 Silly Fag. 1.00

01:18:42.000 Casual crustaceans.

01:18:44.000 Soggy idiots.

01:18:46.000 Unopened Cheetos.

01:18:48.000 Vaginal barf. 1.00

01:18:49.000 Begging for chlamydia.

01:18:50.000 Perpetual herpes.

01:18:51.000 Lion-eyes.

01:18:52.000 Salami snack cup.

01:18:53.000 Some of these could go.

01:18:55.000 Steve-O's veneers.

01:18:58.000 I got some.

01:18:59.000 The Gapers.

01:19:00.000 Zippertits.

01:19:01.000 Zippertits.

01:19:02.000 Hobo Piss.

01:19:04.000 Neutral Spirits.

01:19:05.000 Less Fucks Winds. 0.99

01:19:08.000 Hand in Maidstale.

01:19:09.000 What the fuck?

01:19:12.000 Sperm Brain. 0.80

01:19:15.000 Don't Hate It.

01:19:18.000 Somebody says Kielbasa, and then also Kilbasa.

01:19:22.000 Naked Grapes.

01:19:23.000 Finer Grind.

01:19:24.000 The Bad Bit.

01:19:25.000 Knuckle Fairy.

01:19:26.000 Urey Thrill.

01:19:27.000 Italian Guy Zip Tide.

01:19:30.000 Zip Tide Italian Guy Flows Better. 1.00

01:19:32.000 Yeah, Zip Tide Italian Guy. 1.00

01:19:34.000 Peace Deal, Fuel Poverty.

01:19:36.000 Hassan Dyker.

01:19:37.000 Here Comes the Neighborhood.

01:19:43.000 Holy fuck.

01:19:44.000 That's an album cover.

01:19:45.000 An album name, not a band.

01:19:46.000 Here comes the Nebu.

01:19:47.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:19:48.000 Absolutely.

01:19:48.000 Full-on semi.

01:19:49.000 Full-on semi.

01:19:50.000 Here comes the neighborhood.

01:19:52.000 The Rice Punchers, Structural Ribbons. 1.00

01:19:55.000 Structural Ribbons is good.

01:19:56.000 Neo Fallacy.

01:19:59.000 That's pretty cool.

01:20:00.000 Let's take a call.

01:20:01.000 And how's the chat doing?

01:20:02.000 Oh, let's see.

01:20:05.000 How are the chats doing?

01:20:06.000 Probably writing some hits.

01:20:11.000 Dude, the fucking that cool Australian band is going to be here tomorrow night that we're going to miss because we'll be in Dallas.

01:20:18.000 No, not the chats, but Amel and Sniffers.

01:20:21.000 No kidding.

01:20:22.000 A bunch of Prowboys are going to be there incognito. 1.00

01:20:25.000 I feel like if you go first row, you'll probably see a little veg. 0.92

01:20:28.000 Motocross guy, can you contact mailbag at sensor.tv and we can work something out?

01:20:33.000 Dare to dream.

01:20:36.000 Check out Loaf on YouTube.

01:20:38.000 He does hidden cameraman on the street pranks.

01:20:40.000 The Another Fair, Another Trespass, or something familiar.

01:20:46.000 I'm dubious.

01:20:50.000 I'm dubious.

01:20:53.000 It's funny how I didn't realize how subjective comedy and beauty is.

01:20:58.000 I assumed we were all on the same page.

01:21:00.000 Especially if you're a baby monster and you like this show, we probably have the same taste.

01:21:05.000 And it's true of bands.

01:21:07.000 I would say out of the bands I get sent for opening song, 80 to 90, 85%, I go, oh, that's a great fucking song.

01:21:19.000 Thank you.

01:21:20.000 With chicks, when I find them, obviously they're very attractive if they're being sent to me, but in the snob level of top 5% of pretty girls in the world, I would say I find them attractive 40% of the time. 1.00

01:21:35.000 And then with humorous videos, 30%.

01:21:41.000 What you're thinking?

01:21:42.000 You can't be going back to fairs because of the last couple fairs, but this is a festival.

01:21:46.000 It's not a fair.

01:21:47.000 So I think that's different.

01:21:49.000 But we got to get like costumes and stuff.

01:21:51.000 So I'm hoping that this Halloween store has some because around where I live, there's not a lot of places that sell costumes.

01:21:57.000 And the one place that we used to go get our costumes, we can't go back because of Edge here, and they banned us.

01:22:04.000 Get you an axe?

01:22:06.000 All right, so he dresses up.

01:22:10.000 OK.

01:22:13.000 Black guys with an axe scare me after that fucking New York dude. 1.00

01:22:19.000 He's taking 30 pictures per second.

01:22:23.000 And I'm about to be plundering 30 villages per second after this show.

01:22:28.000 Are we the entertainment?

01:22:29.000 No.

01:22:29.000 The Tortuga Twins are there.

01:22:31.000 You present the Tortuga Twins.

01:22:33.000 We are past the Tortuga Twins.

01:22:35.000 We all shall have.

01:22:35.000 I'm actually being at the Renaissance Fair and being sensitive.

01:22:45.000 There weren't black guys back then.

01:22:47.000 They said we could talk to you.

01:22:50.000 Just bring in professional camera equipment.

01:22:52.000 Do you think this is professional?

01:22:57.000 Well, he's deaf. 0.80

01:22:58.000 He's deaf, though, so he can't hear you.

01:23:00.000 That's fair.

01:23:02.000 You can put that down and put this up.

01:23:03.000 Take your picture.

01:23:04.000 That would be fine.

01:23:05.000 So what makes the difference with this and this?

01:23:07.000 If we do get notifications that he's been doing it again, it might be a different conversation from one of my favorite things.

01:23:13.000 Like is he going to duel me or?

01:23:15.000 They cannot be together.

01:23:19.000 Yeah, dummies, you should have been filming with an iPhone this whole time.

01:23:22.000 iPhones are awesome.

01:23:23.000 The iPhones are about, what would you say, Ryan?

01:23:26.000 I'm into percentages tonight.

01:23:28.000 I'd say the quality of iPhone filming is like as far as holding one of our Sony cams.

01:23:35.000 It's like 15, 20% worse.

01:23:38.000 Just about.

01:23:39.000 Yeah.

01:23:40.000 It's hard to tell the difference.

01:23:41.000 I mean, if you get some nice depth of field and some good lenses, then it's...

01:23:52.000 Yeah.

01:23:54.000 That's like making fun of Ryan Catsu Rivera.

01:23:56.000 I go there and have fun and don't make fun of it.

01:23:58.000 I like it.

01:24:00.000 Exactly.

01:24:00.000 That's my point.

01:24:01.000 It's the Special Olympics.

01:24:03.000 I used to work there.

01:24:03.000 It's awesome.

01:24:04.000 Yeah, I can tell.

01:24:05.000 I think.

01:24:07.000 Sylvia, what are you doing?

01:24:08.000 You're on a TV show.

01:24:10.000 I'm listening.

01:24:11.000 Okay, what did we just say?

01:24:13.000 Okay.

01:24:14.000 The number one problem with Americans. 0.96

01:24:18.000 No, no, your microphone's got to be next to your face, John Waters.

01:24:21.000 The number one problem with Americans is weight.

01:24:25.000 We are a generation of junk food eaters.

01:24:32.000 Everybody wants to lose weight.

01:24:35.000 You know what?

01:24:35.000 An apology is in order.

01:24:37.000 I thought you weren't listening.

01:24:39.000 but that's what we were talking about.

01:24:41.000 What is satisfying to you that you have to eat all kinds of junk food?

01:24:47.000 You eat big meals.

01:24:49.000 It's got all of these addictive chemicals in it that make you need more.

01:24:53.000 Maddie and I are both heavily addicted to extra hot Cheetos.

01:25:00.000 We're not proud of that, by the way.

01:25:04.000 It's not like potheads where they go, I love my pot addiction, and they wear shirts.

01:25:07.000 You're not grossly over.

01:25:07.000 You hate our Cheetos addiction.

01:25:09.000 But you're not grossly overweight.

01:25:11.000 A lot of Americans are.

01:25:13.000 Oh, really?

01:25:14.000 What do you call this?

01:25:16.000 That's a belly that you get from middle-aged and drinking beer.

01:25:21.000 See, the middle ages are beautiful.

01:25:22.000 It's a beer belly.

01:25:23.000 You got it from the Renaissance Fair.

01:25:25.000 Well, it's not the Middle Ages.

01:25:26.000 Fidel Castro once said, you can tell a real man from his giant beer belly.

01:25:34.000 He was selling his short Cuban beer, which I had in Cuba, and no one is impressed with my taste in beer.

01:25:42.000 Cuban beer is shocking.

01:25:45.000 It tastes like powdered beer.

01:25:48.000 It is the shittiest fucking beer imaginable, and I'm no beer stop.

01:25:54.000 It's garbage.

01:25:55.000 Garboosh.

01:25:56.000 What are you looking at on your phone?

01:25:59.000 about wage.

01:26:01.000 This generation is Yeah.

01:26:07.000 It isn't just junk food.

01:26:09.000 American people.

01:26:10.000 Get the mic by your face.

01:26:11.000 Pretend it's a cock.

01:26:12.000 They overeat.

01:26:15.000 Period.

01:26:16.000 It doesn't matter.

01:26:17.000 They do not eat menstrual blood.

01:26:19.000 That's not true.

01:26:20.000 Or potato chips.

01:26:24.000 They overeat with everything, not just junk food.

01:26:27.000 You know what I'm realizing?

01:26:28.000 They're not happy with one slice of pizza.

01:26:30.000 They need two or three slices of pizza.

01:26:34.000 Whether it's a man or woman.

01:26:36.000 These are so funny.

01:26:37.000 And what do most parents do?

01:26:38.000 They drag their kids to Chuck E. Cheese or McDonald's or Burger Kings.

01:26:44.000 Okay?

01:26:45.000 Disney rules.

01:26:47.000 Ryan Rivera brought his baby to Disney so she could pig out on Mickey Burgers.

01:26:53.000 She didn't eat Mickey Burgers.

01:26:55.000 Yeah, babies don't like it. 1.00

01:26:57.000 You failed.

01:26:58.000 I wouldn't have given her Mickey Burgers, I promise.

01:27:02.000 You know what's weird about Paris?

01:27:04.000 Which I learned about when I was in jail?

01:27:06.000 Grand Polis.

01:27:08.000 They have a diet that you live 10 years longer.

01:27:11.000 You eat rice and beans, preferably not from the can, but you can eat it from the can, the beans.

01:27:20.000 Okay?

01:27:21.000 And then you eat meat, an ounce of meat once a month.

01:27:27.000 And fresh fruits and fresh vegetables, organic.

01:27:31.000 It'll add 10 years to your life.

01:27:33.000 But look at that jogger who started the jogging.

01:27:37.000 He got older.

01:27:38.000 He figured he could still play tennis like a young dude and jog.

01:27:43.000 So he had a heart attack and he croaked, okay?

01:27:48.000 Now there's good things about being old.

01:27:50.000 I'll show you one example.

01:27:51.000 I could go to a young, hot-looking dude and peel his arm up.

01:27:57.000 They don't stop me because I'm old.

01:28:01.000 So great for being old.

01:28:03.000 An old broad. 0.81

01:28:05.000 What do you think of this guy?

01:28:06.000 That's me.

01:28:08.000 Looks like a weird.

01:28:10.000 What?

01:28:11.000 You got a tattoo on your shin?

01:28:13.000 What do you mean?

01:28:14.000 No.

01:28:15.000 You got a weird blue towel on.

01:28:17.000 No, I don't.

01:28:18.000 You got a tattoo on your bicep and then some weird shin tattoo.

01:28:22.000 No, I'm wearing just a regular shirt.

01:28:26.000 No, you're wearing a white t-shirt.

01:28:29.000 No, that's another guy.

01:28:31.000 That's gray.

01:28:32.000 That's a different guy.

01:28:33.000 The guy next to him is bone legged.

01:28:36.000 Yes, thank you.

01:28:37.000 Sorry, I have the same problem AI has, which is cannot tell chinks apart. 1.00

01:28:42.000 I don't know if that's how they document it.

01:28:45.000 They probably call it something else like face recognition errors.

01:28:49.000 That'd be funny if there's a meeting at the CTCA.

01:28:52.000 I don't know what the acronym is.

01:28:54.000 It's some like dental company.

01:28:55.000 And you walk in and you're like, yeah, I'm so glad we're finally having this meeting here.

01:29:00.000 I have trouble with it.

01:29:01.000 Sometimes I'll be too scared to ask the Asian guy I'm talking to if it's a different Asian guy.

01:29:06.000 And they'll go, I don't know.

01:29:08.000 Are you a dentist?

01:29:09.000 And you'll go, wait, this is the CTCA, right?

01:29:12.000 Yeah.

01:29:13.000 I thought this was a Can't Tell Chinks apart meeting. 1.00

01:29:18.000 And they're like, no, this is the Connecticut Technicians of Canker Awareness.

01:29:25.000 I am so sorry.

01:29:27.000 Wow.

01:29:28.000 Wrong room.

01:29:29.000 Is there a different room where we...

01:29:30.000 Is it 303?

01:29:31.000 Oh, God.

01:29:37.000 Look, look, look.

01:29:37.000 Wait, is that Mao Saisong?

01:29:43.000 I'm going to forget everything I see.

01:29:46.000 It's not about that.

01:29:47.000 This is all temporary stimulation.

01:29:49.000 It's expanding my body.

01:29:50.000 I could be at Rikers right now.

01:29:52.000 The amount of stimulus could be best buy.

01:29:55.000 It would be the exact same.

01:29:58.000 There's not cartoon mouses there.

01:30:00.000 I could be with Maddie and Gavin at a bar right now by the fucking vending machine that has the rubber ducks.

01:30:08.000 Oh, I found a gayer me. 0.56

01:30:10.000 That's not possible.

01:30:11.000 It is, and I did.

01:30:13.000 Next to the Ray's Starlight Cafe.

01:30:16.000 I worked so hard to get this picture, and then somebody points out in my Telegram group, look at that.

01:30:22.000 Am I being followed by feds?

01:30:25.000 Wait, what is that?

01:30:26.000 That's a fucking guy doing the shh sound.

01:30:29.000 Where?

01:30:29.000 Oh, wait, go back.

01:30:30.000 I was looking at the blue plastic thing.

01:30:32.000 A white plastic thing.

01:30:33.000 Whoa, that's weird.

01:30:34.000 What the fuck, right?

01:30:35.000 He's facing you.

01:30:37.000 Yes.

01:30:37.000 That's weird.

01:30:39.000 Dude, really?

01:30:40.000 That is weird.

01:30:41.000 And who does that?

01:30:46.000 That's what I'm saying.

01:30:48.000 That's weird.

01:30:49.000 That's a weird one.

01:30:50.000 Does he look like a Disneygoer with glasses on and a folded hat?

01:30:54.000 He looks like a guy who was in the military, retired.

01:30:56.000 He's got a great pension, like $120 a year.

01:31:00.000 And he does security at Disney, which is $210 a year.

01:31:05.000 right.

01:31:06.000 Obviously, he gets taxed pretty heavily, but he's basically making $350 taxes ream him, but not in Florida.

01:31:13.000 I don't think these are important details, but go ahead.

01:31:15.000 Well, that's important details.

01:31:17.000 But you think he's maybe a PI and he's so.

01:31:19.000 No, not a PI.

01:31:20.000 He does security at Disney.

01:31:22.000 Oh.

01:31:23.000 And then the FBI contacts him and they go, there's a member of a terrorist group coming.

01:31:29.000 Keep your eye on him.

01:31:30.000 He might be planning to blow shit up because of Gen 6.

01:31:34.000 He's planning to be cute with Madots.

01:31:38.000 He's with a tiny terrorist.

01:31:42.000 Now, I got a good question.

01:31:44.000 Was there such a thing as the A-Team?

01:31:48.000 I don't know.

01:31:50.000 Yes.

01:31:50.000 There was a documentary in the 80s about them.

01:31:53.000 It was called the A-Team, and they would feature them in various scenarios.

01:31:59.000 There was a guy named Face.

01:32:00.000 There was a guy, George Pippard, who loved it when a plan came together.

01:32:04.000 There was an African-American gentleman who was scared of flying named Mr. T. Hannibal Lecter.

01:32:10.000 Tyroneous?

01:32:10.000 I don't know.

01:32:12.000 Hannibal, but I don't know.

01:32:12.000 P.A. But I'm talking was a real A-Team.

01:32:17.000 Yes.

01:32:18.000 Yes, that's what the show was based on.

01:32:21.000 It was based on the actual guys.

01:32:23.000 This is the Netflix documentary right there.

01:32:25.000 Dude, have you seen the new movie A-Team?

01:32:28.000 I think you would make it.

01:32:29.000 It is so good.

01:32:30.000 They're on a plane, and they realize the plane is going to crash.

01:32:34.000 The plane is transporting a tank.

01:32:37.000 Right?

01:32:38.000 What do you do when a plane with a tank in it is going to crash and you're going to die? 0.99

01:32:44.000 You jump out with a parachute.

01:32:46.000 No.

01:32:48.000 You get in the tank.

01:32:50.000 You drive the tank out of the plane.

01:32:53.000 It goes straight down.

01:32:54.000 To slow down the velocity of the tank, you shoot at the ground.

01:32:58.000 Oh, yeah.

01:32:59.000 That slows you right down.

01:33:02.000 Wow.

01:33:04.000 You make a great point.

01:33:05.000 Thank you, Physics.

01:33:06.000 I'm going out in the plane.

01:33:10.000 It's a pretty good movie.

01:33:11.000 It's so bad.

01:33:13.000 You know what else is cool?

01:33:15.000 Found this.

01:33:18.000 Oh, they spelled care wrong.

01:33:21.000 Let's take a call.

01:33:24.000 Speaking of the 18 being real, I was in Jamaica and the room we got came with a nanny.

01:33:30.000 This is when my daughter was two.

01:33:32.000 And my son wasn't even born.

01:33:33.000 I had no other kids.

01:33:34.000 And it was cool because you could go party and they'd take your daughter for a long walk and give her an ice cream cone.

01:33:39.000 It was a babysitter.

01:33:41.000 And the fucking, my black friend Derek kind of stopped being my friend after I wouldn't shut up about this. 1.00

01:33:47.000 But she goes, I got to be honest, you know, people talking about Santa Claus and riding around in the sky and giving presents to all the kids for one night.

01:33:59.000 He's flying around.

01:34:01.000 I don't think I believe it.

01:34:03.000 No.

01:34:06.000 You're kidding.

01:34:08.000 How do you react to that?

01:34:09.000 So I just responded with, don't destroy my dreams.

01:34:13.000 You got to go with humor on that.

01:34:14.000 Yeah.

01:34:15.000 Right.

01:34:15.000 That's your only way out.

01:34:16.000 Yeah.

01:34:18.000 Are you trying to tell me that Santa Claus is not real?

01:34:21.000 Well, way to crack that cold case.

01:34:25.000 You ran the forensics.

01:34:26.000 You did the fingerprints on some of the presents.

01:34:28.000 Oh, God.

01:34:30.000 Wow.

01:34:30.000 I did a DNA test on the cookie that was half eaten.

01:34:33.000 It was my dad.

01:34:36.000 I'm starting to worry about my granddaughter.

01:34:39.000 Today she came to visit me, and she's wearing the picture of the Texas chainsaw killer.

01:34:49.000 Oh, my God.

01:34:50.000 And then she's got a picture with Chucky.

01:34:54.000 Yep, he was a dog that murdered people.

01:34:58.000 So you think she's becoming a psychotic serial killer, like the cat guy?

01:35:03.000 No.

01:35:04.000 I just think she's a perverted Latino. 1.00

01:35:08.000 She's a dude? 0.95

01:35:09.000 A perverted Latino. 1.00

01:35:12.000 Latinx.

01:35:13.000 Latina.

01:35:16.000 You got to add an A for a short time.

01:35:18.000 She's a Jew Rican. 1.00

01:35:20.000 Right, but you got to say Latina.

01:35:22.000 Latino.

01:35:24.000 Latina.

01:35:25.000 It's Tina.

01:35:26.000 Oh, because she's a girl? 1.00

01:35:28.000 Yeah.

01:35:31.000 Is that politically correct for your generation?

01:35:34.000 In all her relationships with men, she's the boss. 0.99

01:35:39.000 And she gets away with it because she's beautiful.

01:35:42.000 Yeah, but with Latinas, and I've never really dated one in a serious way besides a quick bang, but my friends who have dated them, like Colombians especially, you gotta fucking not hit them, but you gotta keep them in line. 1.00

01:35:55.000 Because if you are subservient to their dominant ways, you get dumped.

01:36:00.000 The whole marriage falls apart.

01:36:01.000 You can't give them an inch.

01:36:03.000 It's like a Rottweiler.

01:36:04.000 Latinas are pit bulls. 1.00

01:36:06.000 You gotta keep them in line or they bite you.

01:36:10.000 Yeah, but you gotta remember, my granddaughter's half Jewish.

01:36:14.000 I got that from Jew Rican. 1.00

01:36:17.000 She's a Jew Rican. 1.00

01:36:21.000 When you were with her and you said Jew Rican, I thought you meant she didn't have deodorant on.

01:36:26.000 You thought, what?

01:36:29.000 Did you ever think of being a producer?

01:36:32.000 Yeah, that's my goal.

01:36:33.000 They go down to Ryan's level.

01:36:35.000 Yes, I think you'd make a great one.

01:36:38.000 You should YouTube Kyle Royer's sword, or as black people pronounce it, sword. 0.76

01:36:45.000 This guy has the sprinkles of blacksmithing.

01:36:49.000 I'm reading this from far away here, and it's small type.

01:36:52.000 The pattern he is able to make on the blade by how he folds the steel, spelled wrong, is incredible.

01:37:00.000 No.

01:37:02.000 We're trying to entertain people here on a Thursday night.

01:37:05.000 We're not going to look at tradesmen being really good at steel.

01:37:10.000 What did you think of Americans in New York are really good at steel?

01:37:19.000 What did you think of Lenny Bruce?

01:37:23.000 Pioneer, incredibly funny, layers and layers of brilliant comedy, And even his mumblings, it's sort of like Jimi Hendrix, where you re-listen to it and then you hear jokes that you hadn't heard before because he was just throwing them out there.

01:37:41.000 And I think the cartoon, Thank You Maskman, is great because they animate even his most inane ramblings, like the throwaway lines, and you realize the incredible quality of them.

01:37:56.000 And I think he was terrorized by the state because he was a pioneer.

01:38:00.000 He invented swearing and comedy and raunchy comedy, really.

01:38:04.000 He was the first to, I mean, obviously there's been edgy satire forever, but he was the first man, especially in America, to totally push it, like way before punk rock, to totally push it past the limit.

01:38:17.000 He was arrested for profanity, and I think that chipped away at him.

01:38:23.000 Comedians want to be liked ultimately.

01:38:25.000 That's why they're standing on stage and saying, look at me.

01:38:27.000 And the fact that he was loved by the people, but the fact that the authorities hated him, chipped away at him, and the stress led him to drugs.

01:38:36.000 And I think that's why he OD'd.

01:38:38.000 I'm not making excuses for junkies, but you could argue that the state murdered him.

01:38:44.000 But he was an incredible man.

01:38:46.000 You know, he said, people say I'm sick.

01:38:48.000 I'm the doctor.

01:38:49.000 I'm here to fix you.

01:38:50.000 You're sick.

01:38:51.000 Society is sick.

01:38:52.000 Tune in to Mask Man for a second.

01:38:57.000 He emphasized what most people would think but wouldn't come out and say.

01:39:03.000 Yes, he invented that.

01:39:05.000 This is a beautiful person.

01:39:09.000 There hasn't been one God like that.

01:39:11.000 Every God always stuck around.

01:39:12.000 So just stop.

01:39:13.000 To be clear here, we've shown this on the show before, but the Lone Ranger just saved everyone.

01:39:18.000 And then they were saying, thank you, Masked Man.

01:39:20.000 Thank you, Masked Man.

01:39:21.000 And he galloped away.

01:39:22.000 And the mayor is like, fuck.

01:39:24.000 I guess that's a great guy.

01:39:25.000 He didn't even listen to anything.

01:39:29.000 Yeah.

01:39:43.000 He don't even take thank you.

01:39:44.000 They all take.

01:39:45.000 He don't take, I'm telling you.

01:39:48.000 Now, to be clear here, stop.

01:39:50.000 This is not a script.

01:39:52.000 This is just him riffing on stage, and someone took what he said, made it into a script, and animated it.

01:39:59.000 So the back and forth of the two guys is just off the dome.

01:40:03.000 Freestyling.

01:40:04.000 Freestyle?

01:40:06.000 It looks like a script someone spent months on.

01:40:09.000 This is just him barfing something out at an open mic in fucking lower Manhattan in 1955.

01:40:18.000 Wait a minute, we all got coffee and cake.

01:40:20.000 Wait a minute.

01:40:22.000 Wait a minute, you answer.

01:40:23.000 Wait a minute.

01:40:24.000 I'm not even sure what she is now.

01:40:26.000 Start to get mad.

01:40:31.000 She made coffee and cake and everything.

01:40:34.000 Bad said, is he kidding?

01:40:35.000 Was he too good for everybody?

01:40:36.000 He saw the only camera.

01:40:38.000 He made coffee and cake and I smucked Rhizoff.

01:40:41.000 And he laughed at us, I'm telling you.

01:40:42.000 He went high up in her hand like that.

01:40:45.000 He don't let him tell you.

01:40:47.000 To think.

01:40:48.000 Bad, I take it.

01:40:50.000 He saw the old lady came out.

01:40:53.000 Like that part.

01:40:54.000 He's doing multiple.

01:40:55.000 He's doing multiple characters.

01:40:56.000 He's like, he saw the old lady came out.

01:40:58.000 He's talking about his mother who made cake and cookies and everything and coffee.

01:41:04.000 And if you were in the audience watching, you'd be like, wait, who's saying that part?

01:41:08.000 You'd have to imagine what we're looking at.

01:41:11.000 Yeah, you'd have to imagine the other guy.

01:41:13.000 Coffee Piat.

01:41:14.000 You couldn't be drunk at a Lenny Bruce show.

01:41:16.000 You'd have to fucking do Coke first.

01:41:19.000 Not a nice guy.

01:41:20.000 He's a nice guy having these bullets, everybody.

01:41:22.000 I don't get to sell me these bullets.

01:41:25.000 You know why these are bullets?

01:41:26.000 I bet you give you a Dr. Ehrlich the magic bullet 606.

01:41:30.000 But that's simple as I don't even get that part.

01:41:33.000 Sure, that's what he's saying.

01:41:35.000 He's saying his own way that the whole world is simplest.

01:41:40.000 And that's why he rides over this mouth code.

01:41:43.000 He's making this up as he goes, by the way.

01:41:46.000 Emmett, I'm telling you.

01:41:48.000 Hey, Pop, bring him back.

01:41:49.000 I'm going to kick his ass all over the lot.

01:41:50.000 Now, bring him back to right now.

01:41:51.000 I'm going to kick his ass all over the lot.

01:41:55.000 That's the Lone Ranger.

01:42:00.000 Nastman, what's your story, buddy? 0.94

01:42:02.000 You know, Mr. D'Angelo used a hopping ass mad at you.

01:42:04.000 His mommy made all my hot catting gigs, and you run off. 1.00

01:42:07.000 Runned off and didn't wait for nothing.

01:42:08.000 How come you're so smart?

01:42:10.000 Can we stop for a second here?

01:42:11.000 You're in a comedy club in New York in the 50s.

01:42:15.000 This guy's on stage.

01:42:16.000 It's one in the morning.

01:42:18.000 And he's doing, like, you've never heard this before.

01:42:21.000 People must be going, who is that guy now?

01:42:25.000 Is that the same guy that was saying the bullets are some sort of symbol saying we all have syphilis?

01:42:31.000 Or is it the guy who said she made the coffee and the cake and everything?

01:42:35.000 Or is it a different guy?

01:42:38.000 And then you hear these accents and go, I guess it's a different guy.

01:42:40.000 You'd probably walk out of there smarter.

01:42:42.000 You'd be like, I can now understand more shit.

01:42:46.000 I was making fun of, what was it?

01:42:48.000 Haiti for going backwards. 1.00

01:42:50.000 No, Iran went backwards in time. 0.89

01:42:52.000 We've gone backwards in time.

01:42:53.000 This wouldn't fly today.

01:42:55.000 Dude, have you ever seen the coil and sharp thing?

01:42:57.000 That's not a C thing.

01:42:58.000 It's from the 50s.

01:43:00.000 Just listen to a piece of this.

01:43:01.000 No, thanks.

01:43:03.000 It's going to suck because you like it.

01:43:04.000 It literally wouldn't.

01:43:05.000 Pat Dixon showed me.

01:43:06.000 It's actually funny.

01:43:06.000 And I don't deserve to like a thing like this.

01:43:08.000 That's how good it is.

01:43:08.000 Okay, that makes it good, though.

01:43:09.000 The Americans climbed flagpoles, sat on steeples, and in general pursued perilous activities for limited reward.

01:43:17.000 Coyle and Sharp attempt to revive this courageous spirit by offering a rather unusual job to a young man who is surprisingly fearless.

01:43:25.000 They can be an employee that Mal is a radio interviewer and Jim an employer.

01:43:31.000 This is Mal Sharp with another in the series, Job Opportunities.

01:43:34.000 Every day I bring an employer out onto the street and have him offer a San Franciscan an interesting and novel job.

01:43:41.000 Now I have James B. Coyle with me, our employer of the day, and I've just stopped a young man who's going to offer a job to him.

01:43:48.000 I am James B. Coyle.

01:43:49.000 I'm very glad to meet you.

01:43:50.000 Slavy.

01:43:51.000 The nature of the job is it's a little unusual.

01:43:53.000 Just like anything else, there are certain risks entailed in it.

01:43:56.000 You would be working down in a pit in which I have Created through scientific endeavor, I have created intense flame.

01:44:04.000 People throw objects in the flaming pit, you go through, you pick them up, they name the object, you pick them up, and I charge them admission.

01:44:14.000 Yeah, I think I'd be interested.

01:44:15.000 There's something new and exciting.

01:44:18.000 The reason I ask, I had an employee before, and I will tell you.

01:44:21.000 It gets worse and worse.

01:44:22.000 So you're going to be surrounded by psychotic maniacs.

01:44:26.000 That's like shoot the freak in Coney Island.

01:44:29.000 So let me just recap the job.

01:44:30.000 You'd be in a pit surrounded by flame, somewhat of a hellish landscape with a man.

01:44:36.000 Get back to Lenny Bruce.

01:44:38.000 Okay.

01:44:39.000 We got your point.

01:44:39.000 What do you think of Seinfeld?

01:44:42.000 I fucked him at a party once because I had Coke.

01:44:44.000 You don't like him?

01:44:46.000 He likes him just fine.

01:44:46.000 He fucked him.

01:44:48.000 His ass is way too big.

01:44:49.000 It's like throwing a wiener down a hallway.

01:44:51.000 My ass is so big.

01:44:52.000 What's with guys fucking me every time they have Coke?

01:44:57.000 I asked him if he has coke and he's got cock.

01:44:59.000 Look at this.

01:45:02.000 Thank you, Master.

01:45:03.000 People at Long Island.

01:45:05.000 Look at all the thank you, Master.

01:45:07.000 Come in on the mailbox and see the Thank You Mask Man man for you today.

01:45:10.000 So he goes, I don't.

01:45:11.000 Okay, this is what's great.

01:45:12.000 This is why I brought this up.

01:45:13.000 So Lone Ranger's point is, I can't sit there waiting for thank yous or I'll get addicted to them and I'll always be like, where's my thank you?

01:45:19.000 And I'll start demanding it.

01:45:21.000 Then he adds these two.

01:45:22.000 I don't know what the fuck they are.

01:45:24.000 I don't know enough about religion.

01:45:26.000 These two like Protestant druids or Catholic? 0.82

01:45:30.000 What are they?

01:45:31.000 Evangelists? 0.97

01:45:32.000 Jewish?

01:45:32.000 Evangelists?

01:45:33.000 What?

01:45:34.000 A lot of good things to say, you know.

01:45:36.000 He's got the whole brains after all.

01:45:39.000 Paul, Luke, and all them people.

01:45:41.000 Some of them fooled with my mail.

01:45:42.000 I know it.

01:45:43.000 Some of us fooled them in my mail.

01:45:44.000 Where's my thank you mass man?

01:45:46.000 There are no more thank you mass men.

01:45:47.000 The messiah returned during the night.

01:45:50.000 The messiah?

01:45:51.000 Like, he just throws these religious guys in as he's mumbling.

01:45:54.000 That's why I've showed you this cartoon.

01:45:56.000 Because if you were just watching him on stage, or worse, hearing it, you'd be like, who the fuck are those religious guys? 0.92

01:46:02.000 Someone drew it, and it's still confusing.

01:46:03.000 What do you do with me?

01:46:05.000 Well, you see, men like yourself, you thrived upon the continuance of segregation, violence, and disease.

01:46:11.000 Now the Messiah has returned all as pure. 0.83

01:46:14.000 You're in the shithouse.

01:46:16.000 laughter Thank you.

01:46:18.000 Anyway, brilliant.

01:46:18.000 You know, a modern example of that, though, is this guy.

01:46:23.000 What's his name?

01:46:23.000 Sharpling?

01:46:28.000 Look up Rock, Rot, and Rule.

01:46:32.000 So this guy would be different.

01:46:35.000 Sharpling and Worcester, they would be...

01:46:40.000 He'd be different callers, and he would argue with himself on the phone.

01:46:45.000 And this is a thing.

01:46:47.000 People took it totally seriously.

01:46:49.000 He had organized all music into three categories.

01:46:53.000 Rock.

01:46:54.000 Bands either rock or they rot or they rule.

01:46:58.000 And he would purposely pronounce it so it was hard to hear.

01:47:02.000 So they'd be like, what about the Beatles?

01:47:04.000 Beatles rock.

01:47:06.000 And they're like, what?

01:47:07.000 And you know, people are really sensitive about music.

01:47:09.000 They'd be screaming at him.

01:47:11.000 What do you mean the Beatles don't rock?

01:47:13.000 The Rolling Stones rock.

01:47:14.000 The Beatles rock.

01:47:16.000 Did you say rot or rock?

01:47:17.000 Do I have Ronald Klantel on the line?

01:47:20.000 Hello.

01:47:21.000 Hello, is this Mr. Klantel?

01:47:23.000 Yes, it is.

01:47:24.000 Okay, welcome to WFMU.

01:47:26.000 Hey, how's it going?

01:47:27.000 It's going all right.

01:47:29.000 You have a new book out, which is called Rock, Rot, and Rule, which seems to be getting a lot of attention in the music press.

01:47:40.000 I'm sorry, I missed what you just said.

01:47:43.000 I have to apologize.

01:47:44.000 I'm watching this basketball game, Orlando in Cleveland, and I got a lot of money riding on it, and it's not going my way.

01:47:54.000 Wilkins just got hurt.

01:47:57.000 Anyway, go ahead.

01:47:59.000 So you have a few Britain.

01:48:03.000 Rock, Rot, and Rule.

01:48:05.000 Yes, yeah.

01:48:06.000 Which is getting a lot of attention.

01:48:07.000 Can you skip forward?

01:48:08.000 I want to hear angry people argue with him.

01:48:13.000 So that song rots.

01:48:14.000 Yeah.

01:48:15.000 Which actually leads me to ask, can a song rule?

01:48:20.000 Yes.

01:48:21.000 While a band doesn't rule?

01:48:23.000 Sure.

01:48:24.000 So a song can rule while a band rocks?

01:48:27.000 Exactly.

01:48:28.000 Can a song go while a band rots?

01:48:30.000 He's going like, yes.

01:48:32.000 And going back and forth.

01:48:36.000 Rarely.

01:48:37.000 I can't think of an example off the top of my head for that, but actually, yeah, I could.

01:48:42.000 I Want Candy by Bow Wow Wow.

01:48:45.000 So that song rules.

01:48:46.000 Yeah.

01:48:47.000 But they rot.

01:48:48.000 But in your mind, that's.

01:48:49.000 They rot.

01:48:50.000 Bow Wow Wow rot.

01:48:53.000 Anyway, you can listen out in your own time.

01:48:55.000 It doesn't really lend itself.

01:48:58.000 Caller.

01:48:59.000 You're on the line there, sir.

01:49:00.000 Sorry, and thank you for waiting.

01:49:01.000 Sorry for our hung up.

01:49:03.000 Fuck.

01:49:05.000 Call him back.

01:49:06.000 Heather, 213.

01:49:07.000 No, call him back.

01:49:08.000 Hello?

01:49:09.000 Hello?

01:49:10.000 Yeah, hey.

01:49:11.000 Hey, man, are you calling us from an orange?

01:49:14.000 I don't know.

01:49:16.000 Do I sound like I'm in an orange?

01:49:17.000 Yeah, it sounds like it's 1836, and Alexander Graham Bell is trying it out for the first time.

01:49:25.000 That's funny, because that's what it sounds like when I'm on hold, and I'm trying to listen to the show.

01:49:29.000 Okay.

01:49:30.000 What's your phone?

01:49:32.000 Or was that a joke?

01:49:34.000 No, no, it's not a joke.

01:49:35.000 No, it is hard to hear.

01:49:37.000 Okay.

01:49:38.000 Anyway, what'd you think?

01:49:39.000 We'll try to power through that.

01:49:40.000 You sound like Electro from Spider-Man.

01:49:45.000 Well, can you hear me clear enough to ask a question?

01:49:49.000 Yes, just ask it.

01:49:50.000 I'll tell you if I can't hear it.

01:49:52.000 Okay, I was just wondering when you are going to move out of New York, and is Ryan going to go if you do go?

01:50:00.000 We've answered this plenty of times.

01:50:01.000 Yes, I will.

01:50:02.000 Yeah, of course he will.

01:50:02.000 What else is he going to fucking do?

01:50:05.000 He can't exactly show.

01:50:06.000 I used to work for the leader of the hate group who was behind Charlottesville in January 6th.

01:50:14.000 Anyway, can I work here at Mark Maron's What the Fuck podcast?

01:50:21.000 Yeah, he'll come down.

01:50:23.000 I got to work it out with my kids.

01:50:24.000 I'm on board.

01:50:26.000 I'm ready to rock.

01:50:28.000 My son is really thriving In baseball right now.

01:50:32.000 And he said he didn't care about moving, but now he's waffling.

01:50:36.000 And you go, well, you're the boss.

01:50:38.000 Make it happen.

01:50:38.000 Yes, okay.

01:50:40.000 But if your son's entire life is a thing and you wrench him from that early and then nothing happens there, you ruined your son's life.

01:50:47.000 Then your wife is depressed. 0.86

01:50:50.000 Then your marriage is over.

01:50:51.000 It's not easy when you have three kids working this stuff out.

01:50:54.000 But yeah, thanks for calling.

01:50:56.000 Hey, Gav, had a blast meeting you at Sullivan's two Wednesdays on my 50th birthday.

01:51:00.000 Can we make a tradition every week going forward?

01:51:03.000 No, that's friends.

01:51:05.000 We could do every birthday, maybe.

01:51:08.000 And you're not a retarded cop, dude. 1.00

01:51:10.000 You're a smart guy.

01:51:12.000 You're way too hard on yourself.

01:51:14.000 That's a joke I've been doing for, I think, 100 years now, and it always lands.

01:51:20.000 Every time someone talks about being retired or saying their parents are retired, and you go, you're not, dude, they're not retarded. 0.99

01:51:27.000 They're really intelligent people.

01:51:30.000 William Randolph first, did Perry ever give you the $50?

01:51:33.000 No, he never did.

01:51:34.000 Please bring that up with him.

01:51:37.000 You should YouTube.

01:51:38.000 Okay, we already talked about that.

01:51:39.000 So we're overlapping a bit.

01:51:40.000 Yep, we got Harrison.

01:51:41.000 This total could be a little higher.

01:51:43.000 I was kind of hoping for giving Max and John 50 grand each.

01:51:48.000 We have many months, but that would be cool.

01:51:52.000 You know what's going to happen, by the way, with that?

01:51:54.000 It's going into our bank account.

01:51:56.000 We're spending it.

01:51:56.000 And then there's going to be the time when they get out and they'll be like, okay, we got 50 grand each.

01:52:01.000 And we're going to go, alrighty.

01:52:05.000 This is what happens with gives, send, goes if you're not experienced.

01:52:08.000 We're going to be separating this into an account.

01:52:10.000 I'm exaggerating.

01:52:11.000 But I remember with Breitbart, I raised 17 grand for his wife and kids after he died.

01:52:16.000 And it was just showing up in my personal account.

01:52:18.000 This is before Give, send, go and everything.

01:52:20.000 So I was just, I'm rich.

01:52:22.000 And then I owed her 17 grand.

01:52:24.000 And I went, oh, fuck.

01:52:26.000 I don't have it.

01:52:28.000 I spent it all.

01:52:29.000 Now, luckily, I got savings so I could go pay her.

01:52:33.000 But I think a lot of these young morons who do these fundraisers, they get the money and then they go, I'll just pay it back later.

01:52:40.000 And then they can't pay it back.

01:52:41.000 And they go, it's cheaper just to vanish.

01:52:44.000 But the good news is with gives and goes is there's a paper trail.

01:52:48.000 Press charges.

01:52:49.000 Call the cops.

01:52:50.000 Pursue it.

01:52:51.000 It's not free money.

01:52:53.000 It's the same as stealing cash from someone's safe.

01:52:57.000 Don't just shrug it off and be like, oh, well, that guy was an asshole.

01:53:00.000 No, no, no, no.

01:53:01.000 Pursue it every time.

01:53:03.000 Go ahead, caller.

01:53:08.000 Hello?

01:53:09.000 Go ahead.

01:53:10.000 Yes.

01:53:12.000 Oh, you know, I live in northern Arizona, and I've been totally priced out of my community by Californians moving here. 0.99

01:53:22.000 And I've recently debated moving actually to Washington State because they have open carry laws.

01:53:32.000 They have standard ground laws.

01:53:35.000 They have a $15 minimum wage.

01:53:38.000 And the specific town I'm looking at has houses under, like cheaper than the national average.

01:53:45.000 I was hoping maybe you'd think of a good reason to talk me out of moving to Washington.

01:53:50.000 Go look at a chart of how America would have voted if it was whites only, women only, men only. 0.83

01:54:00.000 You will see Washington state is blue in every scenario.

01:54:04.000 People of color, everything, every possible scenario, the top left corner is always blue. 0.71

01:54:11.000 Dude, everyone I talk to in Tacoma and Seattle is on their way out of there.

01:54:17.000 If you're not into the South, and you probably should be, if you can handle the heat of Arizona, why not do Tennessee?

01:54:25.000 No income tax.

01:54:28.000 True.

01:54:29.000 Yeah, I have a lot of friends moving to Missouri and Tennessee, but aren't you crazy?

01:54:37.000 There's a mass exodus out of Washington State.

01:54:40.000 What about Cour de Cour d'Alene?

01:54:44.000 Coeur d'Alene in Idaho.

01:54:45.000 I thought about Idaho for a long time, but their minimum wage is $7.25.

01:54:51.000 What are you talking about minimum wage for?

01:54:53.000 Are you a McDonald's expert?

01:54:56.000 I'm 23, and I do like mostly, I mean, I'm on a tile apprentice, but a lot of my work would probably be in the entry-level position.

01:55:08.000 Don't talk about minimum wage unless you're 14.

01:55:11.000 You can work construction.

01:55:12.000 You're not going to be making $7 an hour.

01:55:16.000 Worst case scenario, you're moving around garbage at a construction site and you're getting $20.

01:55:22.000 Stop.

01:55:23.000 Get minimum wage out of your head.

01:55:24.000 Don't you have a dad?

01:55:28.000 I wish, man, I'm in the same boat with Ryan, I guess.

01:55:32.000 Yeah, that's apparent.

01:55:33.000 Totally awesome in Rocks.

01:55:35.000 Don't ever talk about minimum wage ever again.

01:55:37.000 Get that out of your head.

01:55:38.000 Don't even think about it.

01:55:39.000 Think about taxes and woke assholes ruining your fucking state. 1.00

01:55:44.000 And woke assholes have ruined the Pacific Northwest. 1.00

01:55:47.000 That ship has sailed.

01:55:48.000 Bye-bye.

01:55:50.000 Home to mommy.

01:55:53.000 It's kind of crazy.

01:55:54.000 I live specifically in Prescott, Arizona.

01:55:57.000 And we're famous for having the most rehabs per capita than anywhere in the country.

01:56:03.000 And we're just shipping in liberals who are drug addicts from the entire country, like all over the country, and putting them here.

01:56:11.000 And they end up staying and relapsing, but renting homes here.

01:56:16.000 So no one who grew up here can afford it.

01:56:18.000 And the town is just filled with drugs.

01:56:19.000 It's unfortunate.

01:56:21.000 Whoa.

01:56:22.000 Wow.

01:56:23.000 That's a documentary.

01:56:24.000 I'd like to see that.

01:56:26.000 What a mess.

01:56:27.000 Yeah, Courtelane is your answer, sir.

01:56:30.000 And it's not Washington State.

01:56:31.000 And I never want to hear the words minimum wage come out of your mouth ever again until you die.

01:56:38.000 All right, thanks for coming.

01:56:42.000 He appreciates it.

01:56:44.000 Oh, Maddie, let's look up this.

01:56:48.000 This is an email I wanted to wait till you got here for.

01:56:53.000 We actually cover it tomorrow, but SCOTUS Bruins, B-R-E-U-N-S decision says that if it wasn't a law or tradition before 1791, then it's unconstitutional.

01:57:09.000 The judge used a logical fallacy analogy oft used by the Gavman at about 520, leading me to believe there's a good chance he's a baby monster and a subscriber. 0.80

01:57:18.000 Oh, good.

01:57:19.000 Supreme Court's watching the show.

01:57:22.000 So 520 indicates that felons such as Jim Goad and Maddie O'Dell may be able to carry guns.

01:57:31.000 Ryan, the title of this email is Jim Goad Shotguns and blah, blah, blah.

01:57:36.000 So go to 5.

01:57:38.000 Oh, it's time stamped at the bottom there.

01:57:40.000 520, I believe it is, yeah.

01:57:45.000 That'd be good.

01:57:48.000 And then he goes on to completely obliterate this argument made by the government.

01:57:51.000 He states, the first problem with this argument is it is a logical fallacy.

01:57:56.000 Sharing a history with felony in possession laws makes section 922N constitutional in the same way a dog is a cat because both have four legs.

01:58:06.000 He then goes on to say that the second problem is that Heller's endorsement of felony in possession laws was dicta.

01:58:12.000 Anything that is not the court's determination of a matter of law pivotal to its decision is in fact dicta.

01:58:19.000 The last and most significant problem with the government's argument, he states, is that there is a lack of historical analysis from the Second Amendment's ratification, much less anything pre-1938.

01:58:29.000 So the judge outright rejects the government's only argument that they put forward to why this law is permissible.

01:58:35.000 He goes so far as to call their argument a logical fallacy, which is definitely something you do not want to hear a judge say when you are putting forth arguments in a lawsuit.

01:58:44.000 Also, he hits on the important point that the government is simply using dicta and heller.

01:58:48.000 Okay, I got it.

01:58:48.000 And that is not a strong argument.

01:58:49.000 There's a lawsuit going down.

01:58:51.000 And if the judge decides that this lawsuit is whatever, on the side of the gun guy, then it could mean that felons can carry guns.

01:59:04.000 Although you're a bit of a hothead, should you really be able to have a gun?

01:59:09.000 There's been a few times where you've been smashing bottles and threatening people.

01:59:18.000 Maybe there's some merit to this idea that baby monsters.

01:59:22.000 I mean, what is baby monster?

01:59:23.000 The term comes from a guy who's kind of big in a baby shape and loses his shit and turns into a monster.

01:59:32.000 Should monsters have guns?

01:59:34.000 Babies shouldn't have guns. 1.00

01:59:37.000 If babies shouldn't have guns and monsters shouldn't have guns, then Patty should not have a gun. 1.00

01:59:43.000 All right, let's take a pull up the chat and make sure we got that covered because we're about to peace out.

01:59:48.000 We're down to the last three minutes.

01:59:50.000 Wait.

01:59:51.000 Wait, what?

01:59:53.000 Wait, wait, wait, wait.

01:59:54.000 Wait.

01:59:55.000 Hey, yo.

01:59:57.000 Okay, we got all that covered, right?

02:00:02.000 So, Calla 516.

02:00:06.000 516, you're on the line.

02:00:09.000 Hello, yo, what's up?

02:00:10.000 Yo, what's up?

02:00:11.000 What up, Gavin?

02:00:13.000 Yo, Gavin, a question.

02:00:15.000 So, but this is a tough one, so I need you to think.

02:00:18.000 Stop, stop, stop.

02:00:20.000 All of that is superfluous.

02:00:23.000 Yo, Gavin, we know you're talking to Gavin.

02:00:25.000 You're calling into Gavin's show.

02:00:26.000 Question.

02:00:27.000 Yep, that's what these calls are.

02:00:29.000 They're questions.

02:00:30.000 This is a tough one.

02:00:31.000 I don't care.

02:00:31.000 You don't need to describe the question first.

02:00:33.000 Dive in, boy.

02:00:35.000 Dive in.

02:00:36.000 Okay, fair enough.

02:00:37.000 Next time I'll dive in.

02:00:39.000 Okay, what advice would you give to someone who wants to get into content creation, but their name is really shitty?

02:00:45.000 And they want to change, like, you know, use a stage name?

02:00:50.000 That's a great question.

02:00:52.000 So, what kind of content creation do you want to do?

02:00:58.000 I mean, I don't know if I want to say it, but it's just like YouTube and shit, kind of like educational stuff, honestly.

02:01:07.000 What do you mean, educational stuff?

02:01:09.000 Like, A, B, C, D, E, F, G stuff?

02:01:12.000 No, no, like, I mean, it's kind of an involved idea, but it takes a while to explain.

02:01:17.000 But basically, I'd have like a chalkboard behind me, and I'd be like teaching shit on the YouTube channel.

02:01:25.000 Oh, like the crazy versus hot scale, or more, like, how to fix a transmission?

02:01:30.000 Or what roughly kind of things would you be doing?

02:01:34.000 More like how to highlight fix a transmission stuff.

02:01:36.000 Like, just interesting shit, like, why is spicy food spicy and like fucking shit like that?

02:01:42.000 I see.

02:01:42.000 Okay.

02:01:43.000 Well, this is something that I've been wanting to confront for a while here.

02:01:47.000 And it's a really, really good question, a really important question.

02:01:53.000 Unfortunately, we're out of time.

02:01:55.000 Guys, thanks for tuning in.

02:01:57.000 It was great to have you here.

02:01:59.000 I really appreciate Sylvia coming by.

02:02:02.000 Sylvia, you were awesome.

02:02:04.000 We love all your movies.

02:02:05.000 Great direction there.

02:02:06.000 I love this sort of kitsch-gay thing. 1.00

02:02:09.000 Maddie Odell, thank you for coming in as the co-host.

02:02:13.000 And of course, Ryan Katsu-Rivera, we will see you in Dallas tonight where we'll be telling drunken jokes that are racist, that do not respect disabilities, that are transphobic, Islamophobic, anti-Semitic, all the isms there are, really.

02:02:31.000 Did I say sexist?

02:02:33.000 In the meantime, we're going to shoot you in Texas. 0.93

02:02:37.000 Go nuts.

02:02:40.000 Please kill me.

02:02:42.000 Get fired.

02:02:43.000 Get in trouble.

02:02:44.000 Be brave.

02:02:45.000 And never stop fighting.

02:02:46.000 *Music*

02:02:52.000 Take a little ride in our hearts They're taking a ride We're taking a ride We're taking a ride Take me!

02:03:04.000 Going real fast, hanging out the window Kicking in the backseat at the bottom The light was green, so alive The radio

02:03:21.000 blaster, turn that shit off 90 miles an hour, it's riding our grease I got my doubts, we're making it one piece Just taking a ride We're taking a ride We're taking a ride Take it!

02:03:47.000 We're taking a ride Those nigga fucking horse, they play that music so loud. 1.00

02:04:05.000 Well, it is a very unfortunate situation.

02:04:07.000 Don't know further.

02:04:10.000 Don't get a doctor.

02:04:11.000 Don't be a cutie pie, okay?

02:04:14.000 Down on the cup, your hands on the hood.

02:04:16.000 Hold on, I'm coming.

02:04:18.000 Tell you the ride, just stop it doing no good.

02:04:20.000 So move.

02:04:23.000 So take another pill from your purse.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - September 23, 2022

GOML LIVE #166 - TAKIN A RIDE

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