Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes


GOML LIVE #168 - SHARTLES (Part 1)


Summary

In this episode of Get Off My Lawn, Gavin McInnes and Ryan discuss Joe Biden's trip to NYC, Wawa West's "Wild Wild West" accent, and the weirdest thing a man has ever carried around in a glass. Also, Gavin tries to figure out if a glass is a good or bad thing, and Ryan wants to drink his dead mom's ashes in a "glass" in honor of her. Get off my lawn! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. The opinions stated here are our own, not those of our companies, and do not represent those of any other companies. We do not own any of the music used in this episode. If you like what you hear, please HIT SUBSCRIBE and leave us a rating and review on Apple Podcasts! Subscribe, Like, and Share to stay up to date with what s going on in the world of comedy and stand-up comedy! Enjoy & spread the word to your friends about what's going on around you! Cheers, Gavin and Ryan. -Gavin and Ryan, - Thanks for listening and supporting the pod! -Jon Rich, Mike & Ryan, and all the love and support you can be heard everywhere else! Thanks, Jon Rich, Ryan and Ryan and all of the love you can find us on social media! Gavin, Gav, Gave us a shoutout on Insta, and we love you, too! XOXOoo, GAVY, RYAN, GABY, GRAFFY, and GABE, RICKY, BOBBY, JACOB, JOSH, and KAREN, JUICY, JARED, JAYE, JANE, JAMES, JAMIE, JORDY, TAYLOR, JOSY, AND KEVIN, and EJ, and JOSH AND KAREDDIE, AND EJOSY AND THEYEAH, AND SO MUCH MORE! -GRAYS, JEANCHE, BABY! -YANDS, JEROME, JODY, JONATHAN AND JAMES AND KAYLE, AND JOSH & JOSH FOSTER, AND YA'LEE, AND MORE!


Transcript

00:00:13.000 Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes!
00:00:29.000 We're good to go.
00:01:01.000 That was John Rich of Big and Rich fame telling the left, telling Joe Biden to take his progress and lube it up, make it aerodynamic, and shove it up your fucking ass.
00:01:19.000 What do you think of that, Ryan?
00:01:22.000 Shine it up real nice, turn it sideways, and stick it up their candy ass.
00:01:26.000 Stick it up your buns.
00:01:27.000 Why don't you show the people at home what you're wearing?
00:01:31.000 Wawa West.
00:01:34.000 Why don't you go to camera three, the main entire studio camera and just come out here so people can see what I have to put up with on a daily basis.
00:01:42.000 I wouldn't say a daily basis.
00:01:45.000 So you've got a Hot Topic kilt.
00:01:48.000 No, no, no.
00:01:49.000 Come here.
00:01:49.000 You've got a Sporin from the dollar store.
00:01:52.000 You have a woman's sexy goth socks.
00:01:56.000 Air Jordans.
00:01:57.000 What are those?
00:02:00.000 Air Force One duck boots.
00:02:03.000 And then the only reasonable thing is what's around your neck?
00:02:10.000 And you're still wearing that.
00:02:12.000 Why?
00:02:15.000 You're not in Rome.
00:02:15.000 You're not at Comic Con.
00:02:18.000 When in Rome.
00:02:20.000 Can you imagine putting up with shit like that on a regular basis?
00:02:23.000 The shirts you're wearing were sent in by a fan.
00:02:25.000 Sorry, I hate that word.
00:02:26.000 Baby Monster.
00:02:28.000 Wawa West.
00:02:29.000 You may be confused at first, but if you think hard, you'll recall that that is Eric Adams, who is so stupid and such a 13-year-old kid.
00:02:40.000 That he doesn't know the term is Wild West.
00:02:43.000 So when he talks about New York City getting too dangerous, he goes, I don't want this to turn in.
00:02:48.000 He has the weirdest accent in the world.
00:02:49.000 He sounds like a baby.
00:02:51.000 We don't want New York City to turn into the Wild Wild West.
00:02:56.000 Because he thinks that's the phrase.
00:02:57.000 We've made fun of him for that recently.
00:03:01.000 You can find that on the World Wide Web, on the Wild Wild West.
00:03:05.000 The Wild Wild Web?
00:03:06.000 The Wild Wild Web.
00:03:07.000 Look at her!
00:03:08.000 You're not in the military, you dumb cunt!
00:03:17.000 A carry license?
00:03:17.000 I think of baby food when I see him.
00:03:19.000 He can't read!
00:03:33.000 Did you hear that?
00:03:33.000 The word work is spelled R-U-U-H-R-G.
00:03:34.000 Work together.
00:03:35.000 No, we will work together.
00:03:37.000 It's all one word.
00:03:41.000 Work together.
00:03:56.000 And I wonder if he ran that speech Yeah past some some people there and not one person goes wait Eric Do you think that the Wild West is called the Wild Wild West?
00:04:12.000 Because of that shitty movie with Will Smith His you know his relationship with the English English language is loveless and
00:04:23.000 Remember from the movie?
00:04:26.000 No.
00:04:26.000 The main bad guy.
00:04:28.000 Loveless is the bad guy in the Wild Wild West movie?
00:04:31.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:04:32.000 Okay, well.
00:04:34.000 Being not a member of the Down syndrome community, I have not seen Wild Wild West the movie.
00:04:41.000 My wife suspects he has fetal alcohol syndrome.
00:04:44.000 Oh, I don't hate that idea.
00:04:45.000 Well, she's probably saying that because he carries around a picture of his wife in a Hennessy glass.
00:04:49.000 I mean, his mother in a Hennessy glass.
00:04:51.000 Although I have a new theory about that.
00:04:53.000 It's not a glass.
00:04:55.000 It's a halo above her head that's way too big.
00:05:00.000 And then the lines on the side of the glass are just like lines of like angelic lines.
00:05:06.000 No, I think I've seen that before.
00:05:07.000 That's like a typical thing.
00:05:08.000 I've actually seen other things like that.
00:05:11.000 Where you put your dead mom in a glass?
00:05:12.000 In a glass, yeah.
00:05:14.000 It's like some sort of weird fucking tribute thing.
00:05:19.000 I want to drink my mom?
00:05:20.000 My dead mom?
00:05:22.000 You can stir up her ashes in some sort of water.
00:05:25.000 No, that's a hundred percent glass.
00:05:26.000 Yeah, look.
00:05:27.000 It's got a stem and everything.
00:05:32.000 Yeah, I'm wrong.
00:05:34.000 I am wrong.
00:05:35.000 That is a fucking glass.
00:05:38.000 What?
00:05:39.000 Do they think that a glass is a fancy thing?
00:05:43.000 Is that like the equivalent of like a gold trophy or something?
00:05:49.000 What?
00:05:51.000 Why is your mom in a glass, Eric?
00:05:57.000 That'll be the only good thing when my mom dies, is I'm gonna put her in a glass like that and carry her around.
00:06:04.000 To make fun of her again.
00:06:05.000 Alright, we're getting ahead of ourselves here.
00:06:07.000 We haven't done any of the reads.
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00:06:42.000 I gotta say I have tried these for sleeping and you know how you wake up with the dehars as they say in Ireland?
00:06:47.000 The horrors or the terrors if you drink?
00:06:51.000 I've had these.
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00:07:22.000 You know, I was just reading that going,
00:07:24.000 Gavin, you are nailing this read.
00:07:26.000 You haven't stuttered once.
00:07:27.000 And then I started stuttering.
00:07:28.000 That is weird.
00:07:30.000 Hubris.
00:07:32.000 Hubris.
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00:08:00.000 I was talking to a CBD guy today who said it's fucked because they have all this cash and they can't give it to banks because banks have dealt with drug dealers before and they go, we're not drug dealers.
00:08:12.000 Everything's legal.
00:08:14.000 So the Congress is trying to pass the Safe Banking Act.
00:08:18.000 Where, if you're not breaking the law in your state, then you can not be prosecuted and you get to function as a normal citizen.
00:08:26.000 And their argument is, our shit is illegal federally, but within the state, we're doing everything legally.
00:08:32.000 So why can't we do this?
00:08:33.000 They find banks, eventually.
00:08:35.000 Banks will always take your money.
00:08:40.000 In fact, I think the drug cartels saved us during the credit crisis.
00:08:44.000 Because the banks were doing badly, they didn't have any money, and they started taking drug dealers millions.
00:08:51.000 And it saved us, because all of a sudden we had cash.
00:08:54.000 So thank you, drug dealers.
00:08:55.000 What the fuck?!
00:08:57.000 It's a thing.
00:08:58.000 I don't understand it!
00:08:59.000 I think it's like a trashy hood thing.
00:09:02.000 But wine is a vice!
00:09:06.000 It's not good.
00:09:07.000 Like if maybe if you're a Somalier and you know, you live in the south of France, you could see a wine glass, but that's like a very specific industry thing.
00:09:16.000 As far as the other 99% of us, wine is beer, is whiskey, is pot.
00:09:22.000 It's a vice.
00:09:25.000 I don't understand this.
00:09:27.000 I think it's just like a really tacky thing from like maybe the eighties or the seventies.
00:09:32.000 I don't know.
00:09:33.000 I remember seeing those growing up though.
00:09:36.000 When my daughter was, when we lived in Brooklyn, one of my daughter's friends was named, oh shit.
00:09:44.000 It's a cheap, stupid, colored wine that's not even expensive.
00:09:49.000 Alizé?
00:09:50.000 Alizé.
00:09:52.000 Her name was Alizé.
00:09:53.000 And I was like, I get Hennessy or like Moet.
00:09:58.000 Moet?
00:10:00.000 But like, that's not expensive.
00:10:02.000 No.
00:10:02.000 And they used to rap, like rappers rapped about this and they were like, yo, we got some Alize.
00:10:06.000 And it's like cheap and shitty and it isn't strong.
00:10:10.000 So I'm like, so these are, this is what they're drinking.
00:10:12.000 I'm drinking this.
00:10:13.000 I'm 13.
00:10:14.000 It's a monster energy drink of a fruity wine.
00:10:17.000 And they mix it with Hennessy and it turns green.
00:10:19.000 They call it the Incredible Hulk.
00:10:22.000 Yep.
00:10:23.000 Good to know.
00:10:25.000 Ryan's always good for, um, some ghetto, um,
00:10:30.000 Go back to it.
00:10:31.000 1-2, by the way.
00:10:33.000 Because that song that we just played, Progress, he's a fairly successful country singer, but he's not a god.
00:10:41.000 And he put that song out and it just fucking blew up.
00:10:44.000 He put a song out called Progress.
00:10:46.000 Within six hours of it being out, it was the number one most downloaded song of all formats.
00:10:51.000 Urban, rap, country, didn't matter.
00:10:53.000 To give you an idea of who was number two was Beyonce.
00:10:57.000 Number three was Lizzo.
00:10:58.000 Number four was Billie Eilish.
00:11:00.000 I mean, you're talking about artists that are 100 times bigger than I am, but there sits my song, Progress, for 12 days in a row.
00:11:07.000 Labels would have never allowed a song that says, stick your progress where the sun don't shine, to ever come out.
00:11:13.000 If I was still at a record label,
00:11:15.000 And wrote that exact song that I knew was how I felt and I knew there's a big section of America that would love that song and probably make it a number one downloaded song.
00:11:25.000 You would never hear it.
00:11:26.000 I could have written it, but I would have to have the label's permission for that song to come out and they're not going to grant permission on that.
00:11:33.000 And then so I put it out by myself and the sucker sitting at number one.
00:11:36.000 So I put a song out called Progress.
00:11:38.000 The gatekeepers are toast.
00:11:40.000 Yep.
00:11:41.000 Speaking of gatekeepers, I told Matty that he cannot be on the show tonight.
00:11:46.000 And I sent him, I said, you need to get your tits done.
00:11:49.000 Right.
00:11:50.000 So he's had a triple D breasts surgery installed.
00:11:55.000 Let's check in on him and see, cause it's gotta hurt.
00:12:00.000 No matter what operations hurt.
00:12:02.000 I mean, you cut the skin, you put in the silicone, you sew it up.
00:12:08.000 You've been cut.
00:12:09.000 I don't care how you slice it.
00:12:10.000 Your body knows that you've been severed.
00:12:13.000 You've been sliced and diced.
00:12:17.000 Just kidding, he had, well we talked about it last week, he had some weird camera go up his femoral artery and then pierce his heart and then burn it again?
00:12:28.000 Right?
00:12:29.000 It's the second time he's had a blowtorch inserted inside his heart.
00:12:33.000 What?
00:12:34.000 We are in the future.
00:12:36.000 Remember that show, V?
00:12:37.000 You're too young.
00:12:38.000 But when I was 13, there was a show called V. I've heard of V. Where these aliens come down.
00:12:43.000 They remade it in the, I don't know, 90s, 2000s?
00:12:47.000 These aliens come down and they just cure us of all our ailments using their fancy medicine.
00:12:53.000 And then we realize later, oh, it's because you're lizards and you want to eat us.
00:12:56.000 We're like farm animals to you.
00:12:59.000 Good plot.
00:13:00.000 Cool concept.
00:13:01.000 I have the action figure somewhere behind your desk right now, Ryan.
00:13:07.000 Um, thank God no one heard that.
00:13:13.000 Uh, but that's how I feel when I see what our doctors do today.
00:13:17.000 It's Martian shit.
00:13:19.000 Speaking of Martian shit.
00:13:20.000 Oh, oh, I think he's got to call us right back.
00:13:22.000 That's a good nickname for Maddie.
00:13:24.000 Martian shit.
00:13:25.000 It's a Martian shit.
00:13:27.000 Yo, Martian shit.
00:13:29.000 You know that a nickname is stuck when you're fucking a girl and she says it.
00:13:32.000 She's like, Oh fuck me.
00:13:33.000 Martian shit.
00:13:38.000 When we were in college, we were learning about early Caveman, there was Java Man, and there was Joe Man, like Neanderthal era, and we were like, our buddy John loves coffee, let's call him Joe Man.
00:13:54.000 So we called him Joe Man from then on, and he goes, I didn't like the name, and I knew it stuck when some chick I was fucking said, fuck me, Joe Man.
00:14:02.000 I was like, I'm fucking Joe Man now.
00:14:04.000 Joe Man!
00:14:09.000 Yeah, I had a nickname in the old restaurant I worked at.
00:14:12.000 It was Charlie.
00:14:14.000 And then it's just like the most serious situation could happen.
00:14:18.000 Like I'm getting yelled at and he's calling me Charlie.
00:14:20.000 Charlie, get the fuck down there.
00:14:22.000 You got fucking grills open and shit.
00:14:24.000 Take away the H. Take away the L. Take away the I. And you have the perfect nickname.
00:14:31.000 Chair?
00:14:33.000 We remove the H, retard.
00:14:34.000 Care.
00:14:36.000 Oh.
00:14:37.000 That was a hurtful subtraction of letters.
00:14:40.000 Where's Matty O?
00:14:41.000 I think he's calling me black.
00:14:43.000 What do you call him?
00:14:45.000 He said something like, I gotta call you right back.
00:14:48.000 Oh, a nurse probably came in to blow him.
00:14:51.000 Hey!
00:14:54.000 Sometimes the nurses will come in wearing lingerie.
00:14:57.000 Or if he did get tits, he's probably
00:14:59.000 They'll have like white thigh-high stockings, like Benny Hill.
00:15:05.000 Why don't they do that?
00:15:06.000 Why don't they do that?
00:15:07.000 For real.
00:15:08.000 Why doesn't my wife do that?
00:15:13.000 Alright, so we'll get back to Maddie.
00:15:16.000 We've got we've got articles here.
00:15:18.000 We've got things to discuss.
00:15:20.000 I don't know.
00:15:22.000 It's kind of like I like doing that during the week when we can sit down and really get into shit and go off on a tangent.
00:15:27.000 Here we only have two hours.
00:15:28.000 We're taking calls.
00:15:31.000 We're reading letters.
00:15:32.000 Oh, I forgot to screen the letters.
00:15:35.000 And we're also putting up a super chat to raise money for Max and John, two men who are looking at, or just finishing up, four years, I'm gonna visit them this weekend, four years in prison for fighting Antifa for 17 seconds.
00:15:49.000 I saw those lawyers who threw the Molotov cocktail into a cop car are facing a year and a half.
00:15:58.000 This is,
00:15:59.000 Terrorism.
00:16:00.000 Textbook terrorism.
00:16:01.000 And it's not some random car.
00:16:03.000 It's a fucking police van.
00:16:05.000 Not even just a cop car.
00:16:06.000 It's a police van.
00:16:08.000 They threw, and it worked.
00:16:09.000 The Molotov cocktail exploded.
00:16:11.000 They were also handing out Molotov cocktails to other Antifa rioters.
00:16:16.000 And their defense is, I was really stressed out, first of all.
00:16:21.000 And I'd been drinking.
00:16:22.000 I was drunk.
00:16:24.000 And I was drinking because of the stress.
00:16:26.000 So can we come down from a year and a half?
00:16:29.000 Bitch, take your year and a half and say thank you very much.
00:16:35.000 But no, not on the left, not on the radical left.
00:16:37.000 Speaking of take your year and a half, I've got some disturbing news to relay.
00:16:43.000 Noble Beard, I guess, is becoming Ignoble Beard.
00:16:47.000 1-9.
00:16:49.000 He's going to flip.
00:16:52.000 No.
00:16:53.000 On Joe Biggs and Ethan Nordin.
00:16:55.000 What?
00:16:56.000 He's going to snitch.
00:16:59.000 What is there to snitch?
00:17:00.000 That's the other thing.
00:17:01.000 The only thing worse than a snitch is a guy who's not snitching on anything.
00:17:05.000 So that's a different video, unfortunately.
00:17:06.000 Very annoying.
00:17:07.000 But go back.
00:17:08.000 I never knew his name till right now.
00:17:11.000 Jeremy Bertino, first Proud Boy leader to plead guilty to Seditious Conspiracy for Capitol Riot.
00:17:19.000 So to play devil's advocate and to defend him maybe he's looking at 25 years and I would hope that I could stand my ground if I was facing 25 years for something I didn't do and I'd say fuck you I'm not bending but who knows you got kids he has kids they threaten you with you know decades in prison maybe you just snap and go okay what what do you want it to be
00:17:43.000 That we were trying to overthrow the US government?
00:17:46.000 Okay, yep, let's do it.
00:17:48.000 That was me.
00:17:49.000 And Ethan and Joe Biggs.
00:17:52.000 Don't take that fucking segment out of context.
00:17:57.000 Zoom in on it though.
00:18:01.000 No, what are you doing?
00:18:02.000 Obviously the first paragraph, penis face.
00:18:05.000 A North Carolina man pleaded guilty, blah, blah, blah, to plotting with other members of the far-right Proud Boys to violently stop the transfer of power.
00:18:11.000 Meanwhile, that allegation, right?
00:18:14.000 Is that so bad?
00:18:16.000 Say that was all true, and it is not true.
00:18:20.000 But so the crime here is delaying Joe Biden's inauguration by a couple hours.
00:18:27.000 Okay.
00:18:28.000 That's inconvenient.
00:18:30.000 Doesn't like the rain do that too?
00:18:33.000 Wouldn't a traffic jam also be equally guilty of such a horrific crime?
00:18:38.000 Making him the first member of the extremist group to plead guilty to a seditious conspiracy charge.
00:18:43.000 He's agreed to cooperate.
00:18:43.000 He wasn't even there!
00:18:45.000 No, he didn't want to go at all.
00:18:47.000 No, well that's the crazy thing.
00:18:48.000 If you look at 2-0, he's our pinned tweet at censored.tv on Twitter.
00:18:55.000 And it's me
00:18:57.000 That's him.
00:18:58.000 That's Ignoble Beard.
00:19:01.000 This is me saying, don't go to that thing.
00:19:03.000 And he goes, we're not.
00:19:06.000 Well, we are officially not gone.
00:19:10.000 Good.
00:19:12.000 After this last
00:19:14.000 After this last show, we are officially not going.
00:19:18.000 We have to take some time.
00:19:19.000 We have to regroup.
00:19:21.000 We love to support Trump.
00:19:23.000 We love to support the country.
00:19:24.000 We love to support the normies.
00:19:25.000 However, January 6th,
00:19:28.000 With everything that's going on, we need to take a step back.
00:19:31.000 We need to reorganize.
00:19:32.000 We need to figure out the best strategy.
00:19:35.000 So yeah, so we're off the table.
00:19:37.000 It's one thing when people want you dead, right?
00:19:39.000 Like people want gangsters dead all the time.
00:19:42.000 But in this case, you also have the politicians and the justice system and the media also wanting you dead.
00:19:50.000 So when you get stabbed, it becomes four people were stabbed at a Proud Boys thing.
00:19:54.000 And when you stop a man from being killed, it's preferential treatment from the police.
00:19:59.000 And then they actually catch the perp and he's gone with a misdemeanor.
00:20:03.000 I mean, all of those factors together is a perfect storm for murder.
00:20:08.000 Ashley Babbitt was killed a week after I said that.
00:20:14.000 I warned you.
00:20:15.000 I warned you!
00:20:21.000 Let's look at some light news.
00:20:23.000 I was happy to see Gary Goleman.
00:20:26.000 He's a giant Jewish comedian.
00:20:28.000 My problem with comedians is they tell us how to live our lives and most of their lives suck.
00:20:34.000 They never have like a normal family with plenty of kids.
00:20:38.000 Gary, for example, has tried to take his own life many times.
00:20:40.000 I think he lives with his mother and he's on lots of medication.
00:20:43.000 But that being said, he's a fucking great comedian.
00:20:47.000 Drenched in sprinkles.
00:20:49.000 And I was happy to hear he's a butt boy.
00:20:51.000 And again, folks at home, a butt boy is someone who is a member of our anti-butting club, where you're not allowed to butt in line.
00:21:00.000 And it's especially important on planes.
00:21:04.000 If you're in row 23 and you let someone from row 24 get out before you, you're not a butt boy, you're a failure.
00:21:12.000 I just knew.
00:21:13.000 It was during the day, so she was wealthy, entitled, aggressive, pushy.
00:21:20.000 I even predicted the first two words of her sentence when she returned.
00:21:25.000 Because she came back armful of frozen foods.
00:21:28.000 Meaning she went downstairs to frozen foods.
00:21:30.000 A ten minute round trip.
00:21:31.000 The audacity.
00:21:32.000 Nay, the temerity.
00:21:35.000 She puts them into the carriage and I knew the first two words.
00:21:38.000 She says, yeah, no.
00:21:43.000 She was also Jewish, I assume.
00:21:45.000 And so I said, no, yeah.
00:21:51.000 What a man.
00:21:52.000 Hell yeah.
00:21:52.000 What a man, what a man, what a man, what a mighty good man.
00:21:56.000 What a mighty Odell man.
00:21:57.000 Oh, we got him?
00:21:57.000 Oh, I think we got ourselves some mats.
00:21:59.000 E.
00:22:26.000 Mattio!
00:22:27.000 What's going on here, bud?
00:22:29.000 How'd your top surgery go?
00:22:31.000 Yeah, you know, it's good.
00:22:34.000 Double D's in here.
00:22:37.000 So you have, what is that battery pack on your chest?
00:22:40.000 It's a heart monitor.
00:22:42.000 It's connected to like, it's not even connected to my room.
00:22:44.000 It's like out in like a control center.
00:22:46.000 It's got every patient on the floor monitor.
00:22:48.000 Like people just sit there and stare up at the monitor to see who's going off.
00:22:52.000 That's amazing.
00:22:53.000 I saw you had your TV was on the ceiling cause you weren't allowed to move for five hours.
00:22:57.000 Yeah.
00:22:57.000 That's the worst part.
00:22:59.000 Whenever they go through your, uh, your arteries, you can't move your legs because it can't so shut.
00:23:05.000 They use this thing called like a Maverick.
00:23:08.000 I guess it's just like putty or something.
00:23:09.000 They put it over it.
00:23:11.000 So if you move your legs or anything, it has a chance to fall off and you'll bleed out and die.
00:23:15.000 And no one will know because the blood will just pool in the back of your legs and your back.
00:23:20.000 Ah,
00:23:21.000 Yeah, so you're on your back, flat, staring at the ceiling for like five hours.
00:23:27.000 No good.
00:23:28.000 But at least they were smart enough to put TVs on the ceiling.
00:23:31.000 So you had a camera and a blowtorch sent up your femoral artery from your groin.
00:23:37.000 It went up to your heart, punctured the walls of your heart, and then burnt another piece of skin.
00:23:43.000 No, no, this one, the transeptal, they punched holes in, and they put this big mechanical, like metal mechanical device in.
00:23:49.000 Oh, the umbrella thing?
00:23:51.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:23:52.000 I thought you already got that.
00:23:53.000 No, no, no.
00:23:54.000 I have the mechanical device, like the heart monitor implant.
00:23:59.000 So you got the burning wall thing before, and now... Last September, I had the burning done.
00:24:04.000 And today you got the steel umbrella?
00:24:07.000 That was last September.
00:24:10.000 So how do you feel right now?
00:24:13.000 I'm still a little dopey.
00:24:14.000 Like I'm still like head fog, but um, I'm sore.
00:24:18.000 Like I got bloodstains on my, my gown.
00:24:23.000 That's a good name for your autobiography.
00:24:25.000 Bloodstains on my gown.
00:24:29.000 I was looking at my bed before and like, I don't know if you could see it.
00:24:33.000 It's like these like, like brownish marks.
00:24:37.000 I'm like, did I shit myself?
00:24:39.000 Is it a big hole they dig in your groin to put all that shit up there?
00:24:42.000 Yeah, let's get in there.
00:24:43.000 We got a little Matty's Balls there.
00:25:05.000 Welcome to Maddie's Balls.
00:25:07.000 Those are some good hangers, my friend.
00:25:10.000 Nice balls, dude.
00:25:13.000 Are those new?
00:25:15.000 They just had a tune-up in the oil change.
00:25:18.000 They shined the balls?
00:25:19.000 That's fucking sick.
00:25:21.000 So when do you get out of there?
00:25:23.000 Me?
00:25:24.000 I hate hospitals because, you know, I'm in New York City, so every hospital you still gotta wear these fucking things.
00:25:31.000 Wow.
00:25:34.000 I'm tired.
00:25:35.000 I didn't want you to sit in this bed and lay here with a man like, get the fuck out of here.
00:25:41.000 And do you get drugs?
00:25:43.000 Yeah.
00:25:43.000 They just, I just like Ryan tried to call me just before my nurse came in and they had to do my vitals and give me some medication and uh, uh, check my wound and stuff.
00:25:54.000 So, you know, it's mostly like wound care and cause I'm on blood thinners still obviously.
00:26:01.000 And I, uh,
00:26:03.000 You know, it takes a while to stop the bleeding.
00:26:06.000 That's why it's all over my butt, my legs, and my gown, the bed.
00:26:11.000 So, I mean, if you can get a Xanax or some opioids and just watch Censored.TV for fucking two days, that'd be fun.
00:26:19.000 Yeah.
00:26:20.000 Catch up.
00:26:20.000 Catch up on the episodes I didn't see.
00:26:24.000 Yeah, the food sucks, you know.
00:26:25.000 Typical hospital fare garbage.
00:26:27.000 What about, do any of the nurses come by wearing sexy lingerie and high-heeled shoes?
00:26:32.000 Actually, my nurse today was pretty good.
00:26:39.000 Pretty good, huh?
00:26:40.000 She was bueno.
00:26:42.000 I would say a nice, thick, latino woman.
00:26:48.000 Long, dark hair.
00:26:49.000 Perfect.
00:26:51.000 Latinx.
00:26:52.000 Nice.
00:26:54.000 She was probably mid-thirties.
00:26:57.000 That's a great age.
00:26:58.000 That's when they really start getting good at it.
00:27:00.000 Getting good at it, if you will.
00:27:03.000 All right, man.
00:27:04.000 Well, we wish you nothing but the best.
00:27:06.000 Keep in touch, and let's celebrate when you get out.
00:27:10.000 Yeah, I'll hit you up.
00:27:11.000 I'll hit you up tomorrow, during the day, anyway.
00:27:13.000 All right, man.
00:27:14.000 I'll let you know what's going on.
00:27:15.000 I'll see you when I'm looking at you.
00:27:16.000 Thanks, everybody.
00:27:17.000 Two fingers, peace.
00:27:19.000 See you, Matty.
00:27:22.000 He's got a catchphrase.
00:27:23.000 My fellow Americans, if you have an IRA, 401k, savings account, things are getting scary out there.
00:27:30.000 President Mr. Magoo has been printing money like he's in the movie Idiocracy or like we're in Zimbabwe.
00:27:38.000 He's the Mugabe of the West for, I don't know, a year and a half now.
00:27:44.000 Our money is about to be worth nothing.
00:27:48.000 The Biden administration has already printed more money in the past two years than the previous 100 years combined.
00:27:55.000 That sounds like a lie, doesn't it?
00:27:57.000 It's true.
00:27:58.000 The national debt just hit a record $30 trillion.
00:28:03.000 Inflation is the highest we've seen since 1982, before Reagan came in and saved the day.
00:28:08.000 Let's hope Trump or DeSantis comes in and saves the day in 2024.
00:28:13.000 It's only a matter of time before the house of cards comes crashing down.
00:28:16.000 If you have retirement savings, your money could be at serious risk.
00:28:19.000 Talk to my friends at Gold Co.
00:28:22.000 to see how you can protect your retirement with gold and silver.
00:28:26.000 As I keep saying, don't put all your money in gold and silver, but why would you not put some in?
00:28:32.000 Why would you not hedge your bets just a little bit?
00:28:36.000 Just to have that on the back burner.
00:28:38.000 Change your mind?
00:28:39.000 Sell it!
00:28:41.000 You know, when Biden was elected, my dad took all of his money out of all of his investments.
00:28:46.000 And my brother and I made fun of him.
00:28:48.000 I think he lost something like $50,000 in, uh, what do they call it?
00:28:52.000 Actual gains or actual losses or some shit.
00:28:54.000 I'm not very good with finance.
00:28:57.000 And my dad has since saved a fortune by having just cash.
00:29:01.000 That was a brilliant move.
00:29:02.000 He's got a savings account, he probably makes 1% interest a year, and he's way ahead of the rest of us.
00:29:09.000 I think they say the average American is down 9% on their investments because of this shit.
00:29:17.000 Go to gavinlikesgold.com.
00:29:21.000 They built a URL just for this ad to monitor the success.
00:29:25.000 Do not go to gavinlikesgold.com.
00:29:28.000 What?
00:29:29.000 Go to gavinlovesgold.com lest you come across... Well, first go to gavinlikesgold.com because it's funny, but then go to gavinlovesgold.
00:29:41.000 This guy is sending the same mistake every week.
00:29:45.000 Well, no, it's the same read.
00:29:50.000 Go to Gavinlovesgold.com.
00:29:52.000 They'll give you up to $10,000 in free silver when you open an account.
00:29:57.000 That's Gavinlovesgold.com.
00:30:02.000 You don't need a funny passcode because once you're there,
00:30:08.000 They know that you went through Gavinlovesgold.com and they know you came from us and of course if you don't go there then they won't advertise with us anymore and we'll go broke and be on the streets and there'll be no more show and everyone will die.
00:30:20.000 I love gold!
00:30:25.000 The taste of it, the smell of it, the texture.
00:30:30.000 I love gold so much that I even lost my genitalia in an unfortunate smelting accident.
00:30:38.000 Back when Mike Myers was funny.
00:30:40.000 Yeah.
00:30:43.000 By the way, another client we like to push here is Nita Fashions.
00:30:46.000 I just had my meeting with them.
00:30:49.000 It's a male spa, folks.
00:30:51.000 Are they still in the city?
00:30:52.000 Because I want to go.
00:30:53.000 No, you blew it.
00:30:54.000 Fuck.
00:30:56.000 So apparently 100% of our viewers talk to Nita Fashions via Instagram.
00:31:03.000 Okay.
00:31:04.000 I guess that's what the kids are up to.
00:31:07.000 I got the craziest shit.
00:31:09.000 First of all, I got four shirts that are as thick as cardboard.
00:31:13.000 I'm sick of these thin dress shirts.
00:31:15.000 I want thick, thick, thick ones.
00:31:18.000 Right?
00:31:18.000 And then I got a tweed hunting suit with like leather
00:31:23.000 It's green tweed.
00:31:24.000 It's got the leather elbow patches.
00:31:26.000 An action back, it's called.
00:31:28.000 Slid up the back.
00:31:29.000 Oh, we did a little fun video.
00:31:31.000 I like how they're just proud supporters, too.
00:31:32.000 Like, that's not... Yeah, I go, guys, are you sure you want to sully your brand with me?
00:31:39.000 I'm toxic.
00:31:40.000 And they go, no, Mr. Gavin, you've done very well.
00:31:43.000 We have so many baby monsters.
00:31:45.000 We have one a day.
00:31:46.000 Literally one a day.
00:31:47.000 Hey, everyone on Instagram.
00:31:51.000 Back in New York and we have one and only Mr. Gavin McInnes here.
00:31:56.000 Hello!
00:31:58.000 Every time you laugh we lose your eyes.
00:32:00.000 I know, I know.
00:32:01.000 We're going to drop the mask because, you know, we're safe when we're in your presence.
00:32:06.000 What do you get now?
00:32:12.000 Hong Kong, they randomly test people on the street.
00:32:14.000 And if you have COVID, you get a fine.
00:32:17.000 And if you're not wearing a mask, you get a fine.
00:32:18.000 And if you're outside on the street in Hong Kong, and you smoke a cigarette like this, you get a fine because you lowered your mask.
00:32:26.000 But it's not as bad as it was.
00:32:28.000 It used to be three weeks.
00:32:29.000 When those guys would go back to Hong Kong, they'd have to spend three weeks in quarantine.
00:32:34.000 But anyway, another thing I got was, I go, what's your thickest shit here?
00:32:39.000 And they go, well, Mr. Buddy, we've got a crazy suit that's like a, almost like a gray fur.
00:32:46.000 It's so hairy.
00:32:48.000 You asked for a Mugabe?
00:32:49.000 What?
00:32:50.000 Did you ask for a Mugabe suit?
00:32:52.000 Oh yeah, we'll play that.
00:32:54.000 And I go, I want that in a suit.
00:32:57.000 And they go, we can do a blazer.
00:32:58.000 It's crazy hot.
00:32:59.000 It's this thick.
00:33:00.000 You're nuts, man.
00:33:01.000 It's like a, you'll be a polar bear.
00:33:03.000 And I'm like, I want the pants.
00:33:05.000 You can only wear it in February outside.
00:33:08.000 And I go, I like the way you're talking, dude.
00:33:10.000 Okay, Peter.
00:33:12.000 Let me summarize.
00:33:13.000 You see this suit?
00:33:14.000 Uh-huh.
00:33:15.000 Let me get my list.
00:33:16.000 I want to show Mugabe.
00:33:18.000 Sure.
00:33:18.000 So, Mugabe always wears suits with his face on them.
00:33:24.000 Now, I know you don't have that in this thing, but if I was to get you this fabric, could you make a suit like this out of it?
00:33:32.000 Yes, definitely.
00:33:34.000 That's great, because I need to have this.
00:33:36.000 Now, I talked to some people that can do these prints.
00:33:38.000 I don't know if you can hear this.
00:33:40.000 How much would I need?
00:33:43.000 There are African Americans outside on their stupid quads and motorcycles tearing up the Bronx.
00:33:52.000 Fucking assholes.
00:33:53.000 Anyway, you can check that out.
00:33:55.000 So and when you when you contact them, make sure you mention me and you'll get a discount.
00:34:01.000 Speaking of cops, I sent you one of our own NYPD Bronx cop.
00:34:08.000 He was dealing with an EDP.
00:34:12.000 Mostly disturbed person with a knife.
00:34:13.000 The guy was flailing around like that.
00:34:15.000 Now you're not allowed to shoot people anymore if they have a knife.
00:34:19.000 So you have to approach them and try to calm them down and say, look man, please give me the knife.
00:34:23.000 I don't want to lose my pension.
00:34:25.000 So I'm not going to just shoot you.
00:34:27.000 I got to get close to you and endanger my own life.
00:34:32.000 So first show the article about this guy.
00:34:34.000 This is three blocks from here.
00:34:36.000 Bronx cop slashing nose trying to apprehend emotionally disturbed man.
00:34:40.000 A Bronx cop was slashing the nose as he tried to take an apparently emotionally disturbed man into custody early Thursday.
00:34:47.000 Maybe he wasn't emotionally disturbed.
00:34:49.000 The officer's partner tazed the unhinged man during the attack at the corner of West Fordham Road and Grand Avenue and Fordham Heights at about 7 20 a.m.
00:34:57.000 Officers were called to Andrews Avenue on a report of a man with a knife outside a grocery.
00:35:02.000 I've been to that exact grocery, by the way.
00:35:04.000 But when they got there, the man was gone.
00:35:07.000 The 52nd Precinct cops found the man about a block away and asked him to raise his hands when the man lunged with his blade, catching the officer's nose.
00:35:17.000 Again, we have defunded the police.
00:35:20.000 We have vilified the police.
00:35:22.000 They are petrified of being sued, killed,
00:35:27.000 Losing their pensions.
00:35:28.000 Remember Derek Chauvin?
00:35:29.000 They had to have a whole armed security around his house.
00:35:33.000 So they don't want to shoot someone.
00:35:35.000 They'd rather get hurt.
00:35:37.000 So we have put cops' lives in jeopardy.
00:35:40.000 My son was asking me, he goes, I got to do an essay about racism.
00:35:43.000 And I go, why don't you talk about these rich Westchester elites who are petrified of blacks going to their kids' schools and the zoning affecting it?
00:35:52.000 It's the only racism I see.
00:35:54.000 And he goes, what about like unarmed blacks getting killed?
00:35:58.000 I go, OK, there's 60 million interactions with police every year in America.
00:36:03.000 There's about six cases of unarmed blacks being killed where you're like,
00:36:08.000 Hmm, that one sounds pretty bad actually.
00:36:10.000 That's not a Trayvon, that's not a Mike Brown.
00:36:13.000 That guy seemed pretty innocent.
00:36:15.000 Okay, so let's say there's about half a dozen serious unjust cases of unarmed blacks being killed.
00:36:21.000 That's 6 out of 60 million.
00:36:23.000 That's not 1 in a million.
00:36:25.000 That's 1 in 10 million.
00:36:28.000 That's pretty good.
00:36:30.000 If the odds of me dying when I walk outside are 1 in 10 million, I've been living in a safe neighborhood.
00:36:37.000 So blacks are living in a safe country.
00:36:41.000 And then I told him, like, Breonna Taylor was living with a drug dealer and participating in that life.
00:36:46.000 She got killed in a shootout.
00:36:48.000 Sandra Bland was suicidal.
00:36:50.000 Freddie Roach was trying to hurt himself so he could sue the city.
00:36:54.000 Mike Brown didn't have his hands up.
00:36:56.000 Trayvon Martin was beating the shit out of George Zimmerman.
00:36:58.000 And George was about to lose consciousness, so he pulled his gun, lest it be pulled on him.
00:37:03.000 Anyway.
00:37:04.000 The real thing, I didn't bring this up with my son because it's too heavy of a red pill, but why does the media lie about these cases?
00:37:13.000 Why do they want Trayvon to be an innocent guy just going to get jujubes?
00:37:20.000 Black failure, white guilt.
00:37:21.000 They need a reason that blacks are doing badly in this country.
00:37:25.000 And if it's racism and evil racist cops, that makes them feel better.
00:37:31.000 And I don't need to feel better.
00:37:33.000 I'm not looking for any excuses.
00:37:34.000 I don't care.
00:37:36.000 Anyway, let's continue with this article about our boy down the street.
00:37:43.000 The blade caught the officer's nose.
00:37:45.000 It sounds like he nicked his nose a little bit.
00:37:48.000 A nose nick.
00:37:49.000 A little nose nick.
00:37:50.000 Just a little... probably it looks like a little piercing or something.
00:37:54.000 His partner then used his taser to incapacitate the attacker.
00:37:57.000 The cop was taken to St.
00:37:58.000 Barnabas Hospital, where it's believed the cop may need stitches to close the wound.
00:38:04.000 Now, often when they say may need stitches, I see it and I'm like, no, you could just get a band-aid.
00:38:09.000 You'll be fine.
00:38:10.000 Put some ice on it.
00:38:11.000 Crazy glue at the most.
00:38:12.000 Crazy glue.
00:38:14.000 Ice.
00:38:15.000 You don't need.
00:38:15.000 So let's have a look at his nose.
00:38:17.000 How bad can it be?
00:38:18.000 What happened?
00:38:19.000 Looks like a lot of glue.
00:38:20.000 Oh, his nose is gone.
00:38:21.000 OK.
00:38:22.000 All right.
00:38:22.000 So it's Tales from the Crypt.
00:38:24.000 Michael Jackson.
00:38:26.000 The nose is fucking not there anymore.
00:38:29.000 We probably should have said NSFW.
00:38:30.000 That's insane.
00:38:31.000 That's a cop living under the new NYPD rules.
00:38:35.000 That's kind of a cool tattoo.
00:38:37.000 But zoom in on that nose.
00:38:39.000 You may want to look away if you're eating Cheerios right now.
00:38:43.000 It's gone.
00:38:45.000 Like both his nostrils are on the other side.
00:38:50.000 He has zero nostrils.
00:38:52.000 That is a fucking sharp knife, by the way.
00:38:55.000 Holy crap.
00:38:57.000 Wait, the cartilage.
00:38:59.000 Yeah, the cartilage has been cut through too.
00:39:05.000 Anyway, cops are pussies, man.
00:39:08.000 Why didn't we... Couldn't you just move?
00:39:12.000 Go like that.
00:39:12.000 Why don't they just tase him?
00:39:14.000 Maybe that's why.
00:39:16.000 Well, they were too scared to even tase him.
00:39:18.000 And when I say scared, I mean of the fucking paperwork, vilification, end of your career.
00:39:25.000 You know why we abuse cops as a society?
00:39:28.000 Because we can.
00:39:30.000 That's why we abuse ex-cons.
00:39:31.000 Anyone that we can abuse gets tons of abuse.
00:39:35.000 It's the same reason you see blacks preying on old Asians.
00:39:38.000 It's nothing to do with race.
00:39:39.000 They just, they can.
00:39:41.000 If someone is below us and we can torture them, we do it.
00:39:45.000 We're not nice people.
00:39:47.000 Us.
00:39:48.000 Civilized society.
00:39:49.000 But wait, there was another cop thing.
00:39:53.000 There was another cop thing I wanted to...
00:39:56.000 Oh yeah, this is another perfect example of cops too scared to do their job.
00:40:01.000 This woman I think was mad about the capital gains tax.
00:40:08.000 So her problem was,
00:40:10.000 You work hard, you build an LLC, and you want to capitalize on that.
00:40:16.000 Now, the money that the LLC made, you've already paid taxes on.
00:40:20.000 So when, as she's the owner of her company, I think they sell pumpkin cupcakes.
00:40:25.000 It's mostly for Halloween, October.
00:40:28.000 That's their rush season is October.
00:40:30.000 And her point to the police officer was, how is it that when I want to take money out of my own LLC,
00:40:37.000 The capital gains is up to whatever it is now.
00:40:39.000 25-30%.
00:40:40.000 It used to be 12% in that particular community.
00:40:44.000 And she goes, that's my net.
00:40:45.000 That's my nut.
00:40:47.000 And you're preventing me from making a living.
00:40:49.000 And his point was, lady, I don't make the laws.
00:40:53.000 But yeah, capital gains tax is what it is today, and you have to follow that law.
00:40:57.000 And she lost it, and she said, I want to talk to your supervisor.
00:41:00.000 And he said, my supervisor is back at the station.
00:41:03.000 We can't go there.
00:41:04.000 And she said, well, I'm going there.
00:41:06.000 And that's when she commandeered his vehicle.
00:41:08.000 This is 2-9, Ryan.
00:41:11.000 So it helps to know the context behind this dispute.
00:41:20.000 She was also very warm.
00:41:22.000 She was airing out her buttocks.
00:41:24.000 And her breasts were sweaty during the heated debate in Chicago where capital gains taxes through the roof.
00:41:31.000 Look, he can't shoot her, he can't tase her, he can't punch her in the face.
00:41:36.000 So what does he do?
00:41:38.000 Just please stop!
00:41:40.000 Emotionally disturbed person.
00:41:41.000 Please!
00:41:43.000 Just be nor- Oh, no.
00:41:46.000 Look, he almost died of political correctness.
00:41:51.000 And she's off to the station to discuss tax law with his chief lieutenant.
00:41:56.000 I wonder if anybody else in her path is safe as well.
00:42:01.000 You know, it's totally legit to shoot someone when they're driving away in a car like that, because the car is a weapon now.
00:42:06.000 I talked to a cop once, I said, is it ever acceptable to shoot someone in the back running away?
00:42:11.000 And he goes, yeah, yeah.
00:42:12.000 If they've been violent before and they have a weapon or a knife or it's conceivable that they're about to go do more damage, like they're headed to a fair or something with a gun, you got to shoot them in the back.
00:42:28.000 Shoot'em all, kill'em all!
00:42:30.000 Alright, uh, we should go behind the paywall.
00:42:32.000 I like to try to keep this to half an hour, but it always goes to an hour.
00:42:36.000 Let's pull up the Super Chat.
00:42:38.000 Oh, yeah!
00:42:39.000 And show how much money we've raised for Max and John.
00:42:42.000 They're gonna have a nice little ten grand each, at least.
00:42:46.000 They don't get out until March, I believe.
00:42:48.000 I can't bring them anything, by the way.
00:42:51.000 We should bring them cigarettes, avocados, all kinds of produce, all kinds of shit.
00:42:57.000 And this time I said, what are we allowed to bring?
00:42:58.000 And they said, absolutely nothing.
00:43:01.000 Because people were dipping it in LSD.
00:43:04.000 I'm like, LSD?
00:43:06.000 It's been around since the seventies.
00:43:08.000 You just caught onto the LSD thing now?
00:43:12.000 So, no.
00:43:15.000 Which is fine with me.
00:43:15.000 It saves me a lot of money.
00:43:16.000 Cigarettes are expensive.
00:43:19.000 If you check out my email with the subject Gavin Indian Joker Face Painting, you can see how life imitates art.
00:43:26.000 I have a feeling that I've already seen this and it sucked so bad I didn't even put a purple flag on it.
00:43:31.000 All hail Zorf.
00:43:34.000 Gavin, will you be replacing Ryan with a shemale Tesla robot?
00:43:38.000 Yes.
00:43:39.000 Big fucking tits.
00:43:42.000 $5 is spelled wrong on purpose.
00:43:43.000 Ryan, open my video I just emailed you with a five minute video I made that puts full display how the FDA drifted from basic immunology.
00:43:54.000 Well, that doesn't sound... Oh, that's really good.
00:43:56.000 Oh, I see.
00:43:57.000 He's pulling up some classic painting that looks like me doing Indian Joker face.
00:44:02.000 Okay.
00:44:02.000 Um, sure.
00:44:03.000 That sounds like a really boring video, but you donated 50 bucks to these guys.
00:44:06.000 So I guess we'll start it and then people can see the title and they can look it up on their own time.
00:44:12.000 Look it up on your own damn time!
00:44:15.000 Speaking of looking up shit on your own damn time, I started watching Atheism is Unstoppable, which is pretty amazing how a Christian company has an atheist on the roster.
00:44:28.000 That's pretty darn open-minded, is it not?
00:44:31.000 We think atheists are going to hell, but we're happy to have him.
00:44:36.000 He did a great video about this idiotic Muslim who murdered a Korean girl and they lost in court, they appealed it, lost in court, they went to the Supreme Court.
00:44:50.000 No!
00:44:50.000 You clearly murdered her.
00:44:52.000 Then it became a podcast on NPR and now he's free to go.
00:44:58.000 And I'm watching it, feeling prejudiced, and I go, you know, I used to think big government and big business together were the worst thing in the world, but it looks like with this thing, big Muslim and big Jew getting together, it's even worse.
00:45:14.000 Because it was his family friend who's clearly linked up to big Arab money, and then she goes to NPR and HBO, and the Jews there are like, yeah, let's run with it.
00:45:27.000 And now he's free to go.
00:45:29.000 And what I love about this series, it's only part one that he's put out yet, is Devin goes, this is not about Saeed or the Korean girl or HBO or anything.
00:45:40.000 It's about the fact that we have a justice system and we've pushed it aside and let podcasters decide who must go free.
00:45:48.000 And it's always a certain person that they choose.
00:45:52.000 Like, Kim Kardashian's Innocence Project is an absolute travesty.
00:45:56.000 She's working on men who murdered children, murdered families.
00:46:00.000 She's a fucking psycho.
00:46:02.000 And it's always blacks with her.
00:46:04.000 And then you have that guy, what's his name, Halstead?
00:46:08.000 Asian dude that Michelle Malcolm was working with.
00:46:12.000 Daniel Hotzclaw.
00:46:14.000 H-O-T-Z-C-L-A-W.
00:46:16.000 This guy's this Asian cop.
00:46:17.000 This black woman said, he made me suck him off to avoid a plane, a parking ticket or a traffic citation.
00:46:25.000 And he's like no dude we wear like Spanx with the thing and velcro and then the weight belt thing you know how like cops can be real gearheads and he has that thing that stops you from getting a hernia and then he's got his vest with his shit like the way I always described it when this was a big uh subject was say that was his girlfriend and she's like I just can I blow you during work he'd be like
00:46:51.000 Hold on.
00:46:52.000 No.
00:46:53.000 It's gonna take me like four minutes to get to my dick.
00:46:58.000 So no.
00:47:00.000 And the jury of course hates cops.
00:47:03.000 They were all black.
00:47:04.000 They ran with it.
00:47:04.000 They weren't all black but they were predominantly black and they ran with it.
00:47:07.000 He's in jail right now.
00:47:09.000 And I checked up on the case recently and the family is suing him.
00:47:14.000 He's in prison for a crime he didn't do and the family is suing him.
00:47:19.000 Because he's a cop.
00:47:21.000 And none of these wrongfully accused charities would ever go near the case.
00:47:26.000 It has to be a black dude for some weird reason.
00:47:30.000 You're not going to pull up any Hotzklaw?
00:47:35.000 I'm looking at this.
00:47:36.000 Why did that not occur to you?
00:47:38.000 Riggs Wong?
00:47:41.000 I just spelled his last name, genius.
00:47:43.000 I thought it was Halstead.
00:47:45.000 Hotsclaw.
00:47:45.000 I spelled it.
00:47:47.000 What were you doing, jerking off in your kilt?
00:47:49.000 I would never do that.
00:47:51.000 Hotsclaw.
00:47:52.000 Daniel Hotsclaw.
00:47:55.000 Got him.
00:47:58.000 I like, too, that Devin doesn't script his shit.
00:48:01.000 Convicted of rape, sentenced to 263 years in prison!
00:48:06.000 Daniel Holtzclaw case.
00:48:07.000 It was a day for singing.
00:48:13.000 A day for justice.
00:48:16.000 Oh you don't say!
00:48:18.000 The bird which is the bald eagle was there to throw away the key.
00:48:26.000 How fucking amazing is that?
00:48:28.000 It's ironic they're all singing about freedom too.
00:48:30.000 Freedom to make up a rape story.
00:48:35.000 Look at her hat.
00:48:37.000 You see that hat?
00:48:38.000 Who's raping that?
00:48:38.000 She's wearing a fox furry hat as someone is sentenced to 263 years in prison.
00:48:41.000 What's a horn?
00:48:42.000 Oh, I think I watched this guy's confession thing.
00:48:46.000 Not a confession, his interrogation.
00:49:05.000 You absolute animal retard.
00:49:08.000 You threw a man in jail.
00:49:08.000 Forever.
00:49:09.000 For what?
00:49:32.000 These women didn't think that either, but we did, and you see what happened.
00:49:36.000 Yeah, way to go, guys.
00:49:39.000 Save the day!
00:49:42.000 So let's pull up that thing that the $50 dude made us look at.
00:49:46.000 All right, $50 dude.
00:49:48.000 He's forcing us at gunpoint.
00:49:51.000 Evolution of Fauci, natural immunity versus vaccine-induced immunity.
00:49:54.000 Dude, I'm trying to entertain people here.
00:49:57.000 Maybe you mean just, like, watch it.
00:49:58.000 If she really has the flu, if she really has the flu, she definitely doesn't need a flu vaccine.
00:50:03.000 Why is an Italian speaking with a Jewish accent?
00:50:07.000 If she really has the flu, oy vey, what are you gonna do?
00:50:15.000 I think we get the gist, but sir.
00:50:17.000 We get it.
00:50:18.000 If you say watch it, we'll watch it in our own time and we promise.
00:50:20.000 Yeah, but zoom out so others can watch it.
00:50:22.000 It's a, it's a link he sent me.
00:50:23.000 He paid good money.
00:50:25.000 Wait, he sent that link and no one else can see it?
00:50:28.000 Um, yeah, it is a Google Drive link.
00:50:31.000 Wait, so this weirdo... Here's a link to Google if that didn't work.
00:50:35.000 Yeah, so these are all, this is all like a private, uh, Google thing.
00:50:40.000 You might've made the video, fuck.
00:50:43.000 Okay, well that's gay and stupid.
00:50:46.000 Some guy named Danny Robinson sent me probably a hundred DND Vin Diesel emails.
00:50:56.000 Nice.
00:50:58.000 With an old footage of Vin Diesel.
00:51:01.000 Don't show it.
00:51:02.000 Okay.
00:51:02.000 Vin Diesel playing D&D.
00:51:03.000 So we're punishing you by reading your name and refusing to play your stupid video, which is already an ancient Chinese secret.
00:51:10.000 So fuck you.
00:51:11.000 You fucking shithead.
00:51:14.000 By the way, speaking of the next email is about Jordan Peterson.
00:51:19.000 I think Jordan Peterson stole the clean your room thing from me.
00:51:23.000 Really?
00:51:24.000 Yeah.
00:51:25.000 Because I stole it from this dude Kennedy who wrote a book called Knockout that I edited.
00:51:32.000 And his thing was he went from like $500 in debt, $500,000 in debt, to being a millionaire.
00:51:39.000 And it was about getting in shape, working hard.
00:51:42.000 He's not particularly smart.
00:51:43.000 He was doing like real estate and stuff.
00:51:45.000 It's not like he's a genius.
00:51:47.000 And he turned his whole life around, saved his marriage, and it was all just by like buckling down and working hard.
00:51:54.000 And he wrote a book about it, I believe called Knockout.
00:51:58.000 And one of his first steps was to clean your room.
00:52:01.000 And this is like 20, I don't know, 13.
00:52:09.000 Here's some that are Like so many came in that these got pushed down.
00:52:13.000 We never read them $25.
00:52:15.000 My wife was that from last week from today actually, but They got pushed down by the newest five.
00:52:21.000 We only see the newest five on the other one So my wife might wants me to cancel my subscription.
00:52:25.000 Fuck her.
00:52:27.000 Okay my exit life Of course we have here robot dick.
00:52:31.000 Oh
00:52:33.000 Starship Technologies HR manager, Portland U grad, hates and openly discriminated against straight white Christian men.
00:52:39.000 PSTJ is a bastard.
00:52:40.000 Robot dick.
00:52:41.000 Yeah.
00:52:41.000 The book, pull this up.
00:52:43.000 Pull this up, Jamie.
00:52:44.000 It's called Knockout, a manual for success.
00:52:48.000 My million dollar shift.
00:52:52.000 I'm kind of disappointed, Mike Kennedy, that you didn't actually get punched in the face for your book cover.
00:52:57.000 It's not that painful.
00:53:01.000 That guy introduced the clean your room thing.
00:53:04.000 He's in your room!
00:53:06.000 That's 2013 when that book came out, so he's probably working on it 2011.
00:53:09.000 Eleven?
00:53:11.000 ELEVEN!
00:53:11.000 Um, sorry, let's go back to those unread thingamadoodles.
00:53:19.000 Thing diddly bobbers.
00:53:22.000 Let's take a call, too.
00:53:23.000 I think we're ready for a call.
00:53:24.000 Forgot to mention Mattie's looking special on the network after blah blah blah.
00:53:27.000 Retarded cop.
00:53:28.000 I remember that from last week.
00:53:31.000 I'm pretty sure we read that one.
00:53:33.000 Oh, here, what about this?
00:53:34.000 Think I'll factor in what is Larry David out of 10.
00:53:36.000 That's a good one.
00:53:38.000 So, looks wise, Larry David is a 3?
00:53:41.000 A 2?
00:53:41.000 That's fair.
00:53:44.000 But he's worth a billion dollars.
00:53:46.000 And I'm not saying I want to fuck him, but women do.
00:53:50.000 I'm going to change my shirt actually, I'm sick of this.
00:53:53.000 Whoever sent us these shirts, smokes.
00:53:56.000 Smells like a bonfire to me.
00:53:58.000 No, it smells like cigarettes.
00:54:01.000 I actually like the smell because cigarettes smell like freedom.
00:54:05.000 I just got this at the Mets game where we beat the Nationals for no reason.
00:54:12.000 It's not part of the wild card.
00:54:15.000 We're never going to be the top of the league.
00:54:18.000 So it has zero bearing on the World Series.
00:54:22.000 Look at this cool shirt.
00:54:26.000 Sick.
00:54:27.000 Mets.
00:54:27.000 NYPD.
00:54:28.000 My knuckle's still broken.
00:54:29.000 Did you see the, uh... Did you see the fuckin'... Fuckin'... The Mets subway trains?
00:54:35.000 They ducked them all out and all Mets shit?
00:54:37.000 It was kinda cool.
00:54:39.000 No, I didn't see that.
00:54:40.000 It was fuckin' cool.
00:54:40.000 My son bought this shirt, and I thought, that's cool, so I went downstairs and I bought it.
00:54:46.000 And he goes, you bought the same shirt as me?
00:54:48.000 I go, yeah.
00:54:50.000 I copied you.
00:54:51.000 It's called copying.
00:54:56.000 Remember that was big in grade school?
00:54:58.000 They copied me!
00:55:01.000 Now at 52, I'm a proud copier.
00:55:03.000 I'm a fucking Xerox machine, bitch.
00:55:08.000 So let's do the intro to the thank you for calling.
00:55:12.000 We'll take a call, then we'll go behind the pay wall.
00:55:16.000 Oh, that looks great.
00:55:19.000 Very Mets.
00:55:21.000 Yes, good point, Ryan.
00:55:23.000 Look at that.
00:55:23.000 They took it over.
00:55:24.000 They said, this is our town now.
00:55:26.000 I think the World Series is totally possible.
00:55:28.000 Mr. and Mrs. Met.
00:55:30.000 As my son said, rarely do the top two teams make it to the World Series.
00:55:35.000 It's rarely that predictable.
00:55:37.000 By the way, we haven't talked about you.
00:55:40.000 And you're buggin' Comic-Con today!
00:55:42.000 I went to Comic-Con today, fun time, lots of- Let's show your stupid, ugly, chink face.
00:55:47.000 Okay, well, regular face, that is, yes, chinky.
00:55:51.000 I agree.
00:55:53.000 I got some videos, B-roll.
00:55:57.000 B-roll?
00:55:58.000 It was just a lot of, like, nerdy shopping stuff.
00:56:00.000 You don't say.
00:56:02.000 Comic-Con was nerdy?
00:56:03.000 That's basically what it was.
00:56:06.000 I thought it'd be cool, tough guys.
00:56:08.000 No, it was not that like here's some here's a guy with a turtle dressed as a ninja turtle He's got little katanas taped on his back So animal abuse Good thing animals are
00:56:31.000 Inferior yeah, it's okay to a lot of cosplay a lot of people dressing up.
00:56:36.000 That's why I wore my kilt I thought it'd be a fun kind of thing.
00:56:39.000 There's like a guy that I called a Mountie He was very upset by that he was a marine actually that is a toys for tots outfit.
00:56:46.000 He's a gunny sergeant He might be based Okay Let's see no go go back.
00:56:54.000 Why I don't know that last couple like I want to see them fuck I
00:56:58.000 Let me see.
00:56:58.000 I didn't even catch that.
00:56:59.000 What goes on with them?
00:57:01.000 Oh, those two?
00:57:03.000 No, no, not those two.
00:57:04.000 Not the Waddle Crew?
00:57:05.000 No.
00:57:07.000 Those two.
00:57:09.000 Her.
00:57:11.000 Her and him.
00:57:11.000 Like, what do they do?
00:57:12.000 I want to know about their lives.
00:57:14.000 Is that your brother?
00:57:14.000 They watch anime, they play video games, they just sit and read comic books.
00:57:19.000 Is your brother cheating on his fiance?
00:57:22.000 His wife?
00:57:23.000 Fuck.
00:57:23.000 Does kind of look like my brother.
00:57:26.000 My brother doesn't have retarded tattoos.
00:57:30.000 Ugh.
00:57:32.000 Ryan, why are you with the lowest human life forms?
00:57:35.000 I like the events.
00:57:37.000 They put on a really big, you know, high-budget event.
00:57:40.000 I love the branding.
00:57:41.000 Like what?
00:57:42.000 Well, it's just, you know, they got all these cool displays and stuff, and it's just an exciting thing for New York City.
00:57:49.000 I think your fucking baby is going, what the fuck are we doing here?
00:57:53.000 So, like, what cool displays?
00:57:55.000 Can we see one?
00:57:55.000 Uh, yeah.
00:57:58.000 Let me just do these in order so I don't lose track.
00:58:00.000 Okay.
00:58:02.000 Here, what do we got here?
00:58:03.000 Wow.
00:58:05.000 Yeah, it's just a big, big-ass, high-budget event.
00:58:07.000 I like shit like that.
00:58:08.000 And then they got out-of-shape cosplayers with skin-tight uniforms, out of breath from sitting on a thing.
00:58:14.000 Look at that!
00:58:15.000 I mean, they really go all out for this.
00:58:17.000 No, they don't!
00:58:18.000 It's just a bunch of flags and panels, and the Jacob Javits Center is already there.
00:58:24.000 What have they done?
00:58:26.000 They stuck an inflatable dragon in the sky?
00:58:29.000 Wow.
00:58:32.000 Um, I thought it was kind of cool.
00:58:35.000 Nope.
00:58:37.000 The boat show was fucking cool.
00:58:39.000 And the food there?
00:58:39.000 Oh, the food.
00:58:42.000 So expensive.
00:58:43.000 Nice.
00:58:44.000 Wasn't good.
00:58:46.000 Great story.
00:58:46.000 Thank you, sir.
00:58:49.000 Nice bounty outfit.
00:58:51.000 Oh, it's a Marine!
00:58:52.000 I'm sorry.
00:58:54.000 That was the exchange.
00:58:56.000 Yep.
00:58:57.000 It lived up to my expectations.
00:58:59.000 Yeah, no, I'm not saying that it was the most exciting thing ever, but there was a little bit of drama.
00:59:05.000 This guy was running around saying like, this guy stole my fucking stool!
00:59:09.000 And then there's this... and I couldn't tell if it was a bit or not.
00:59:13.000 The guy's really upset he was screaming for security and because this guy who has no teeth and punched him Stole his he's taken a hit of an asthma inhaler stole his Stool is that him sitting on it right there?
00:59:27.000 Yeah, so those are your peers by the way mentally ill people who complain about chairs
00:59:33.000 I like events, you know, and this is a nice event.
00:59:35.000 I've been there once before.
00:59:36.000 I was, you know, working with Compound Media at the time and I was like, you know, I saw all these people dressed up like, you know, comic book people.
00:59:44.000 How much did it cost?
00:59:46.000 I was just standing outside and somebody sold me their badge for like five bucks.
00:59:50.000 So I went in and it was a good time.
00:59:52.000 I wore my MAGA hat the whole time.
00:59:54.000 Nobody gave me any guff because these are all nerds.
00:59:56.000 They don't know any better.
00:59:57.000 It was fun.
00:59:59.000 But I you keep saying it's fun.
01:00:00.000 It was awesome.
01:00:01.000 I have no evidence.
01:00:02.000 I have nothing well for instance me and hollowed We went to go see Dragon Ball Z the movie a couple weeks ago, and then they have this Great little set like diorama set up for them Wow, so it's like you get to see these things that you know oh my god.
01:00:19.000 That must have been awesome Shenron dragon
01:00:26.000 Shenron dragon so my buddy went there You know I convinced him to go he's all about that stuff He got a Gundam wing and I bought him an extra Gundam wing about 50 bucks for his birthday He was so happy about it, and I got a what's a Gundam wing well.
01:00:40.000 I'll show you it's a Japanese robot that you build it's like a model kit You're a grown man
01:00:49.000 We like to get swept away in like little, you know, there's a cultural happening, you know, like, look how many people are there.
01:00:56.000 It's sold out.
01:00:57.000 And it's, it's a huge event.
01:00:59.000 This is what people are into.
01:01:00.000 You sit there and you glue pieces or is it even glue or do you just click them together like Lego?
01:01:05.000 There's different sets.
01:01:06.000 The one I got is entry level.
01:01:08.000 I'm not going to get into it.
01:01:09.000 I'm just going to like, it was 14 bucks.
01:01:11.000 I was like, yeah, why not?
01:01:12.000 And I got, like, think this guy.
01:01:13.000 So you snap them together.
01:01:15.000 Snap them together.
01:01:16.000 That is pathetic.
01:01:18.000 That's for nine-year-olds.
01:01:21.000 But there's also gluey ones, too.
01:01:23.000 Gluey cuddies.
01:01:23.000 That's for 11-year-olds.
01:01:25.000 I'll go up to 11.
01:01:25.000 Eleven.
01:01:26.000 This guy's got a guitar.
01:01:29.000 So, you know, these are cool.
01:01:31.000 Holy shit.
01:01:34.000 I like participating in things, you know?
01:01:36.000 Well, let's try to cleanse the palate with some fucking phone calls, because I'm disturbed.
01:01:44.000 So play the thing you are on the air This is a fucking loser Hey, why does everyone get two things you have one thing thank you for calling it's great All right next call Next call All right, so let's put the
01:02:11.000 The number up there.
01:02:13.000 Yeah, if you're listening, it's 718-400-6959.
01:02:17.000 That number again is 718-400-69.
01:02:18.000 That's funny.
01:02:26.000 That's a sexual position.
01:02:27.000 Yeah, when the girl's upside down or whatever.
01:02:30.000 You put your peepee in her face.
01:02:31.000 Yeah, you eat her out when you're getting a beej.
01:02:34.000 Long time no see, Jennifer Tennis on the line.
01:02:37.000 Oh.
01:02:39.000 Hey guys!
01:02:39.000 Hey!
01:02:42.000 How are you?
01:02:42.000 Good.
01:02:43.000 Good, how are you?
01:02:46.000 I'm good.
01:02:46.000 This is for Ryan.
01:02:48.000 Oh.
01:02:48.000 Oh, well excuse me.
01:02:52.000 Ryan, so the best part of the show is of course your impressions.
01:02:55.000 Thank you.
01:02:57.000 Frankly, thank you very much.
01:02:59.000 I'm Trump.
01:03:00.000 Go ahead.
01:03:01.000 Well, it's funny you say that because I was going to say I love the face thing.
01:03:08.000 To go along with it.
01:03:09.000 Except for Trump.
01:03:10.000 Do you think you could do some of Trump without?
01:03:12.000 Because your Trump impression, the best part is the emoting in your face.
01:03:17.000 Frankly, that's a great point.
01:03:19.000 And we're gonna look into it.
01:03:21.000 We're gonna look into it in a big way.
01:03:25.000 No, I get that.
01:03:26.000 All right.
01:03:26.000 Totally makes sense.
01:03:27.000 Thanks.
01:03:27.000 All right.
01:03:28.000 Thanks for calling.
01:03:29.000 All right.
01:03:30.000 Bye.
01:03:34.000 Uh, this is from a chick.
01:03:36.000 It's called, I live in this shit hole.
01:03:39.000 Shit hole's one word, my dear.
01:03:41.000 Hi Gavin, rye rye, we just moved to the area a few months ago for work.
01:03:45.000 First week in our house, it was broken into.
01:03:48.000 Each of my kids' schools send at least two alerts a day about terroristic threats or stabbings.
01:03:54.000 Basically, we got the message that no amount of money is worth this shit.
01:03:57.000 Working on getting the fuck out.
01:04:02.000 Nursery intruder says die as he chokes, shakes newborn.
01:04:06.000 I read this story today.
01:04:07.000 He attacked several newborns in IQ.
01:04:17.000 If I catch any of you fuckers alone, I'm going to fucking kill you.
01:04:21.000 Okay.
01:04:25.000 Let's hear the news piece.
01:04:31.000 This violent...
01:04:53.000 18-year-old Marcus McCowan Jr.
01:04:55.000 is facing several charges today after an assault on two newborns, a mother and hospital staff at the ORMC Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.
01:05:04.000 Around 6.30 Monday night, OPD officers arrived at the ORMC after receiving a call about multiple assaults.
01:05:10.000 During their investigation, a nurse told police that McCowan Jr.
01:05:13.000 was at the hospital- Police have a motive.
01:05:15.000 This is why the media lies.
01:05:15.000 The media lies about cops shooting black people because they see stories like that and their brain just cannot process it.
01:05:37.000 So they go, uh, blacks are being hunted by police and they're like going crazy from the stress and, and it's systemic racism and it's brutal and it's harsh and it's a living hell.
01:05:51.000 So, um, that's why you hear about stories like that.
01:05:55.000 Nope.
01:05:56.000 Nope.
01:05:57.000 Nope.
01:05:59.000 Uh, all right, let's take another call and then we'll get behind the paywall.
01:06:02.000 Ooh.
01:06:04.000 Can't believe how boring your Comic Con stories were.
01:06:09.000 It was just a nice fun time, you know?
01:06:10.000 Hey.
01:06:11.000 Hey.
01:06:12.000 Hey, Gavin.
01:06:12.000 Uhuru.
01:06:13.000 Uhuru.
01:06:15.000 Hey!
01:06:15.000 So this is for both Ryan and Gavin.
01:06:18.000 I know you guys are both war movie veterans.
01:06:21.000 And so I ask, if you were both 18 again and younger had to join one of the branches of the military, which would it be?
01:06:28.000 And why would it be the Coast Guard?
01:06:33.000 I don't know.
01:06:33.000 Uh, I'm a pussy.
01:06:36.000 So I'd want to see the least combat possible.
01:06:40.000 Is that the Navy?
01:06:40.000 Like I said, why?
01:06:42.000 Why?
01:06:42.000 That's why I said the Coast Guard.
01:06:45.000 Yeah.
01:06:46.000 Yeah.
01:06:46.000 I don't, I don't want like the, I, I will never recover from seeing the beginning of Saving Private Ryan Stone.
01:06:52.000 I don't want bullets going past my head.
01:06:59.000 Thanks for calling.
01:07:01.000 Mine would be Army, because my grandfather was in the Army.
01:07:03.000 And I would join Marines, but I just don't like the taste of crayons.
01:07:06.000 Am I right?
01:07:06.000 Hoorah!
01:07:07.000 And, um, about face?
01:07:12.000 I think you could be a real asset to... What the fuck's going on with the back of your neck?
01:07:19.000 Wait, lean your head forward.
01:07:22.000 Oh, it's just hair.
01:07:23.000 Okay.
01:07:24.000 I thought you had monkey pox.
01:07:26.000 The good thing about you being in the army is we could send you to the front lines because your life doesn't matter.
01:07:30.000 That's not true.
01:07:31.000 I would go into the front lines because of my skills, dedication, loyalty, and leadership.
01:07:36.000 Yeah, I'm not saying the other guys are... their lives don't matter.
01:07:40.000 I'm just saying it would be very unique because you'd be the one guy where if you get shot in the head, it's not a big deal.
01:07:46.000 And I don't think anyone would notice if you got shot in the head.
01:07:48.000 They would.
01:07:49.000 They would cry, but they'd have to... I'd say... No, you might be able to still function as you do now.
01:07:53.000 I would be like this.
01:07:54.000 You went to Comic-Con and thought it was awesome.
01:07:56.000 I'd be like this.
01:07:56.000 I'd be like...
01:07:57.000 You might end up smarter if you got shot in the head.
01:07:59.000 Don't worry about me.
01:08:00.000 Go.
01:08:00.000 Get the fuck out of here.
01:08:01.000 Might be able to kickstart you.
01:08:04.000 I can still do my 15 count manual arms.
01:08:06.000 I don't know what that means.
01:08:08.000 It's from drill.
01:08:09.000 Not color guard shit either.
01:08:11.000 I'm talking about exhibition drill.
01:08:15.000 Sounds like you'd be really good at Stolen Valor.
01:08:17.000 Alright.
01:08:18.000 Alright!
01:08:19.000 2-10, we're on the line.
01:08:20.000 Go ahead, 2-10.
01:08:23.000 Yo!
01:08:23.000 Yo!
01:08:26.000 Hey, so I got a question for Gav.
01:08:30.000 What do you think about, I was watching an old episode, I can't remember if it was on this one or, it might have been Joe Rogan, but y'all talked about cell memory?
01:08:41.000 Yeah, that's a trippy thing.
01:08:46.000 Do you think that is prevalent in humans too?
01:08:51.000 Like slavery?
01:08:53.000 Like do you think that
01:08:57.000 No, that's one of those nurture arguments you hear.
01:09:04.000 I'll answer your question though, thanks for calling.
01:09:08.000 Yeah, there is some evidence that there is cell memory and they talk about these people who get eyes donated after they lose their eyes, so they're seeing.
01:09:18.000 And every time, they keep having this nightmare about Jesus killing them.
01:09:22.000 And then they talk to the people who gave them their eyes, and they go, oh yeah, the guy that we got those eyes from, he got shot by this hippie who had a big beard and long hair.
01:09:33.000 I know it sounds crazy, but look it up.
01:09:36.000 It was on like 60 minutes.
01:09:37.000 I know they're not reputable, but like this wasn't on some weird blog somewhere.
01:09:40.000 It's a pretty mainstream concept where you give organs to someone and they retain some sort of bizarre memory.
01:09:50.000 So I'm open to that possibility.
01:09:51.000 I don't know how true it is, but I could believe the eye story.
01:09:55.000 I'm not sure either way.
01:09:57.000 I'm not a scientist, but to stretch that out to fucking slavery.
01:10:03.000 There's nothing in there that would say that like, oh my parents or their parents are like in a pass down thing.
01:10:08.000 You're talking about a person's memories from their life.
01:10:11.000 And those eyeballs are like an hour old.
01:10:13.000 They're not 400 years old.
01:10:16.000 I saw some article that said blacks don't swim because of slavery and they saw the other slaves get thrown off the boat and they're still traumatized by that.
01:10:26.000 That's why they're scared of water.
01:10:28.000 I've had the privilege of growing up in a tradition that didn't believe in the myths and the legends because we had to bear the brunt of them.
01:10:36.000 Dude, if he was my friend, I would be happy as a clam because I would be laughing all day.
01:10:43.000 I guess he wouldn't like the friendship because I'd be laughing at him, not with him, but like.
01:10:48.000 And I think I know why.
01:10:51.000 Like I got this, I got a fancy credit card because I have the shitty debit card.
01:10:54.000 And I was like, I got a nice wallet.
01:10:56.000 Why is my, I got to get a nice credit card.
01:11:00.000 So I went to my bank's website and I was like, I want like a black one.
01:11:03.000 So they sent me a fancy credit card.
01:11:06.000 Whatever.
01:11:06.000 Is it metal?
01:11:07.000 No, I can't.
01:11:08.000 I'm not good enough for those.
01:11:11.000 But uh, when I got the package, I laughed out loud.
01:11:15.000 Why?
01:11:16.000 It was this big, fancy, long rectangle with like a thing around it that you had to unfurl.
01:11:23.000 Like an elastic band thingamadoodle.
01:11:26.000 Then you open it up and there's like seven pamphlets and some gold paper.
01:11:31.000 And then the actual card came on this cardstock where you had to pop it out through almost like a rubbery kind of a cunt.
01:11:40.000 Shut the fuck up.
01:11:42.000 Nothing wrong with that.
01:11:43.000 No, there is something wrong with that.
01:11:45.000 You weren't listening.
01:11:47.000 And it reminds me of what we're talking about.
01:11:52.000 But anyway, yeah, there's no way slavery is still there.
01:11:55.000 And the other problem, every time someone comes up with a theory like, oh, it was slavery, you have to explain now the non-slave blacks.
01:12:04.000 Like, why doesn't anyone swim in South Africa?
01:12:08.000 Why doesn't anyone swim in any coastal country in Africa?
01:12:13.000 And being good at it, if you will.
01:12:16.000 We will.
01:12:17.000 This guy wants to know, female sprinkles and a 10.
01:12:19.000 Oh, female sprinkles.
01:12:22.000 Okay.
01:12:24.000 Let's see.
01:12:25.000 Devin, in that same video, no, sorry, in another, in another AIU video, he talks about what female comedian is going to replace Trevor Noah.
01:12:33.000 And he's like, Nikki Glaser trying to be sexy and also funny is gross.
01:12:38.000 I agree.
01:12:39.000 It is a weird sell.
01:12:40.000 I'm sure she's a nice person.
01:12:42.000 I know her, or I knew her, but when a woman's wearing like stilettos and a beautiful gown and then doing comedy, it's like, this is not, no.
01:12:52.000 Coming all night long, but then he pulls out and it's just hard.
01:12:56.000 It's been a while since he's seen a hole that big.
01:13:02.000 That's pretty funny.
01:13:03.000 I don't know about Sprinkles, but... Wait, is she doing the joke, though?
01:13:05.000 Someone else wrote that joke.
01:13:07.000 Yeah, it's her reacting to it.
01:13:08.000 You could put a fucking... Yeah, that's... Dude.
01:13:10.000 An infant there.
01:13:10.000 You're a retarded.
01:13:12.000 You just showed a woman reacting to a hilarious male joke that someone worked really hard on, wrote, recorded, added the background noise.
01:13:20.000 Let's see.
01:13:21.000 Maybe she got more.
01:13:23.000 Okay, her flying to sneak into a Delta Sky Club.
01:13:29.000 Ting drinking is very bad.
01:13:32.000 Yo, I got a fake ID though.
01:13:39.000 Sir, you are a fucking idiot.
01:13:41.000 You wasted our fucking time.
01:13:43.000 Sir, you suck.
01:13:44.000 You suck.
01:13:47.000 I'm usually not very mean to people, but you're a bad person.
01:13:51.000 No.
01:13:52.000 No, not my first time.
01:13:54.000 What is your idea of comedy?
01:13:55.000 It's just garbage TikTok shit.
01:14:00.000 That guy's... What do you think, man?
01:14:02.000 Sprinkles?
01:14:03.000 You know what?
01:14:03.000 We should probably just go with purple flags at this point.
01:14:06.000 We got a 410 on the line.
01:14:07.000 410, you're on the line.
01:14:16.000 We hear you.
01:14:16.000 Yes, sir.
01:14:17.000 Hello.
01:14:19.000 Is this Matt?
01:14:22.000 Oh, hello?
01:14:24.000 4-1-0.
01:14:24.000 What do you think he's doing now?
01:14:29.000 I don't know.
01:14:32.000 I think he was, he was listening to the show and he's picking his nose.
01:14:35.000 And then he felt like a blood booger.
01:14:39.000 And then he saw blood and went, oh, what the fuck?
01:14:42.000 And he's like, did I?
01:14:43.000 And then he went, he's in the bathroom right now, like going.
01:14:46.000 Did I rip a hole in my?
01:14:48.000 Hello?
01:14:48.000 Are you back from the bathroom?
01:14:50.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:14:52.000 So what was the nosebleed about?
01:14:54.000 Did you pick your nose too hard?
01:14:56.000 Or is your nails long and you scratched the inside of your nose?
01:14:59.000 Yeah.
01:15:00.000 What nosebleed?
01:15:01.000 What the fuck are you talking about?
01:15:02.000 Okay, you can lie about it.
01:15:04.000 Alright, anyway, the viewers want to know when you're going to open the show with a fish song, Gavin.
01:15:12.000 Is this Matt?
01:15:17.000 Yeah.
01:15:19.000 All right.
01:15:19.000 Thanks for calling.
01:15:22.000 Our buddy Matt was wearing a fish shirt in Dallas and I'm like, dude, what the fuck are you doing?
01:15:27.000 See, I'm going with him to the fish concert in New York City.
01:15:31.000 And then his argument was, what about Godspeed, you black emperor?
01:15:35.000 They're just noise.
01:15:36.000 It's garbage, too.
01:15:37.000 I had to walk out of the show.
01:15:39.000 No.
01:15:40.000 Godspeed You Black Emperor aren't pretending to do songs.
01:15:45.000 They have a soundscape.
01:15:47.000 It's almost like sound art.
01:15:51.000 It's like a new form of classical music.
01:15:53.000 It's an experience.
01:15:54.000 These fuckers are just noodling away on guitars like a hundred studio musicians with no leader.
01:16:08.000 Ugh.
01:16:09.000 It's like a bunch of guitar teachers at Guitar Center all got together to bore you to death.
01:16:14.000 It's like a long clinic.
01:16:16.000 Yeah.
01:16:20.000 They sound like they're testing out the instruments for the band that's about to come on.
01:16:25.000 Yeah, this is like the soundcheck crew, but they're getting way too comfortable.
01:16:29.000 Is that a midget?
01:16:31.000 Or it's at a wedding, and there's a lot of musicians at the wedding, and your dad was in a band in the 70s, and then everyone leaves, but there's some stragglers, because we got the place for the whole night.
01:16:43.000 And then the stragglers start getting up on the stage.
01:16:46.000 The lights are off.
01:16:48.000 And they just start jamming out, they do Louie Louie and stuff.
01:16:50.000 Oh shit.
01:16:51.000 Matty O says, fuck Fish, the drummer or bassist is a pedo.
01:16:56.000 Oh.
01:16:57.000 Another reason to hate them.
01:17:00.000 Maybe he's been catfished before?
01:17:02.000 Oh shit, we forgot to go behind the paywall.
01:17:04.000 Yeah.
01:17:04.000 Alright, so that's enough free shit for you, you greedy mooches.
01:17:08.000 And if you're a Fish fan, don't subscribe to the network.
01:17:11.000 We don't want your money.
01:17:12.000 Buy tickets to the fucking show.
01:17:15.000 Yes, Chicago.
01:17:16.000 It's in a nice part of Chicago.
01:17:17.000 Chicago might bomb.
01:17:18.000 The ticket sales are not going well.
01:17:19.000 People are afraid of Chicago because they don't know it's in a safe part.
01:17:23.000 We haven't announced it as broadly as we should.
01:17:25.000 Oh, we should announce the venue.
01:17:26.000 Not the venue itself, but it's in west, it's in the west suburb area of Chicago.
01:17:31.000 Obviously we're not going to the south side of Chicago, guys.
01:17:33.000 Guys.
01:17:34.000 Hello.
01:17:34.000 It's chill.
01:17:35.000 Hello, it's a bass.
01:17:37.000 But um,
01:17:38.000 That's a huge thing.
01:17:39.000 Josh was like, dude, I'm worried about the ticket sales in Chicago.
01:17:42.000 Every place has sold out so far, but not Chicago.
01:17:46.000 And I was sort of like, I understand you want to make money and stuff, but I'm doing this for the experience, and I kind of would like to experience a terrible bomb.
01:17:57.000 Like it would be kind of cool to come out and there's like 30 seats sold.
01:18:02.000 And just people like, you suck!
01:18:04.000 Wow.
01:18:06.000 We already have the packed thing, so if we're putting it in a movie, we already got all the cool shots of lots of people.
01:18:12.000 How about some shots of no people?
01:18:14.000 That's funny.
01:18:15.000 Anyway, so we're going to go behind the paywall now and do all kinds of fun stuff that the freeloaders are not allowed to see.
01:18:22.000 Plus, it's much more controversial behind the paywall.
01:18:24.000 It's naughty behind the paywall.
01:18:27.000 So we're going to go put on our lingerie and do rude business.
01:18:34.000 We wish you would subscribe.
01:18:35.000 It's $10 a month.
01:18:37.000 Unlimited data.
01:18:38.000 I don't think that you could possibly watch all the shows we provide.
01:18:41.000 I can't.
01:18:43.000 Nope.
01:18:44.000 And I don't even watch my own show, obviously.
01:18:46.000 So yeah, please subscribe to Censored.TV.
01:18:50.000 Please buy tickets to the show in Chicago and New York.
01:18:54.000 They're both coming up very soon.
01:18:56.000 And get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
01:19:07.000 Get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting!
01:19:17.000 Violent protests over a speaker on campus here.
01:19:20.000 Fuck you, Normie.
01:19:21.000 He is apparently a Canadian writer, actor, comedian.
01:19:24.000 He's the co-founder of Vice.
01:19:25.000 Go fuck another vagina, you gross pigs.
01:19:30.000 Serious XF pulling the plug on Anthony Cumia this week.
01:19:34.000 You got big fucking tits!
01:19:40.000 I watched that and I said, this chick's too retarded to fuck.
01:19:43.000 You shouldn't do it.
01:19:44.000 They take anything you say and then fucking twist it around.
01:19:48.000 This is the part of Seth that's going to get real mean before I leave.
01:19:55.000 No more filthy ****.
01:19:59.000 You ****.
01:20:01.000 They think we want to tell those kind of jokes.