Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - October 14, 2022


GOML LIVE #169 - HERB TARLEK IS CART NARC (Part 1)

Topics
bad trips Gold Co. copy Johnny Cakes episode Cartnark and his cart magnets Cartnark skanking
Hosted by
Gavin McInnes
Mentioned
Gavin Likes Gold Bubba Dude B Ryan Matty O'Dell Joe Biden Trump John Christopher Columbus Terry Richardson Steve McQueen Shylock Jew Sour Shoes Balsanero Lorraine Glasgow Hitler Kimbra Johnny Rotten Anthony Cumia and 75 more
S04E175 - ARE YOU THINKING WHAT I'M THINKING? S04E177 - KANYE FOR PRESIDENT

Episode Stats


Length

1 hour and 35 minutes

Words per minute

151.99

Word count

14,510

Sentence count

1,925

Harmful content

Misogyny

66

sentences flagged

Toxicity

527

sentences flagged

Hate speech

75

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Gavin McInnes and Matty O'Dell are back from the hospital, and the boys are back at it again. This week, the boys discuss the recent diagnosis of Mikey's twat syndrome, and what it means for his chances of winning the World Series this year. Plus, the guys talk about how the Mets messed them up with their World Series chances, and how they can fix it. BetDSI is where I bet and make extra money right now. Go to betdsi.co/getoffmylawn and enter promo code GAVIN100 for a chance to win a $50 gift card! You can also get a $100 bonus match up to $1,000 and get double your money with promo code GMACGAVIN2020. You have to be 21 or older to get a chance at the $100 gift card, and you must be a member of the MLB Hall of Fame! You must be 18 or older than 18 years old to be eligible. You must have a valid ID and a valid driver's license, and must be able to provide proof of age and proof of residency in the United States. You cannot be under 21 or under 21 years old. This episode is brought to you by the MLB, NHL, NBA, NHL and UFC. If you want to win big money, go to betDSI.co.nz/Gavin100 and get paid $20,000! And if you like the show, use Promo Code GMACVIN100, you can get $50 and get $20.00 in the day of the show! Get Off My Lawn with me and I'll send you a $20 and get an additional $50.00! I'm betting on 2020 updates on the MLB and the other major sports and politics and get the chance to bet $1k with me, I'll be giving you $100.00 and I get $200.00. And I'll give you an update on the other $50! Thanks for listening to this episode of the podcast, I hope you enjoy it! -Gavin and Hank and Bubba and Hank are having a good day. -Bubba and Hanks - Gavyn Gavin 100. XOXO - CHEERS! P.S. - CHOO CHOOT CHOOOCH!

Transcript

Transcripts from "Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:13.000 Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes!
00:00:21.000 Mainly because Dave's girlfriend's dumped him.
00:00:23.000 And Mickey's been diagnosed with Irritable Twat Syndrome.
00:00:26.000 So we just need a bit of a release, yeah?
00:00:28.000 Something to make us feel better, you know?
00:00:30.000 So we start off in spoons.
00:00:32.000 Let's have it.
00:00:33.000 Chicken tikka masala!
00:00:57.000 Hello!
00:00:59.000 Welcome back to Get Off My Lawn.
00:01:04.000 This is Get Off My Lawn, live Thursday night.
00:01:06.000 So we've got Matty O'Dell in the house!
00:01:09.000 Wait, your mic's not on.
00:01:13.000 His mic's not on?
00:01:15.000 Plugged in?
00:01:17.000 We should probably test that before we go live.
00:01:19.000 Straight fae Glasgow, Matty O'Dell.
00:01:22.000 Okay, the new?
00:01:24.000 Aye.
00:01:25.000 Is that you?
00:01:27.000 It wasnae plugged in.
00:01:28.000 So you're back fae the hospital, by the way there, big man.
00:01:31.000 Aye. 0.87
00:01:32.000 And, em, you had a steel umbrella put up your crotch, through your jugular vein, into your heart, after burning holes through various ventricles. 0.96
00:01:43.000 And the new? 0.98
00:01:44.000 You got a wee steel mesh like a colander.
00:01:48.000 Aye son.
00:01:48.000 And a wee corner.
00:01:50.000 Yeah.
00:01:51.000 Do we all have that same corner?
00:01:53.000 Yeah.
00:01:53.000 But yours was problematic.
00:01:55.000 The left atrial appendage.
00:01:57.000 So why don't they like your left atrial appendage?
00:02:00.000 Because my heart sometimes doesn't function properly like a normal heart.
00:02:05.000 So blood will stay there.
00:02:07.000 It'll get stuck in there and then it'll start to coagulate and form blood clots.
00:02:13.000 And is that why Rastafarians are so offended by your heart? 0.99
00:02:17.000 Because it's got mad blood clot, you know.
00:02:21.000 I got Matty's heart closing in on me with all them blood clot.
00:02:26.000 Quit your crying.
00:02:27.000 This episode is brought to you by BetDSI.com.
00:02:29.000 The NFL is back and BetDSI is where I bet and make extra money right now. 0.94
00:02:33.000 By the way, I'm getting all this shit about my Mets bet. 0.99
00:02:36.000 People are like, ah well, the Mets fucked you over. 0.99
00:02:38.000 Why? 0.99
00:02:38.000 Because we didn't win the World Series? 0.99
00:02:41.000 I didn't fuck Eva Mendes, but I fucked a lot of chicks, and I'm pretty happy with it. 0.99
00:02:45.000 I won $809. 0.99
00:02:46.000 I was wrong when I said $268.
00:02:52.000 Lost $700 with two Cubs games.
00:02:54.000 That was the most painful part.
00:02:55.000 Oof.
00:02:56.000 But I did really well.
00:02:57.000 I'm very happy with it.
00:02:59.000 Right now, my listeners get a 100% bonus match up to $1,000.
00:03:02.000 That's double your money with promo code GAVIN100.
00:03:07.000 Not just Gavin.
00:03:08.000 Gavin100.
00:03:08.000 Oh, that's not my hair.
00:03:10.000 That's the logo.
00:03:12.000 Bet on 2020 updates, an election with me, bet on the MLB, NBA, NFL, NHL, UFC, and all the other major sports and politics.
00:03:19.000 Go to betdsi.com and win extra money.
00:03:23.000 Promo code GAVIN2020.
00:03:25.000 Play, win, and get paid.
00:03:27.000 If you want to win big money, go to betdsi.com, promo code GAVIN100.
00:03:31.000 First two listeners to email confirmation that they signed up and deposited at betdsi.com with promo code GAVIN100 get a $50... Wait a minute.
00:03:43.000 Bubba and Hank's gift card?
00:03:46.000 Dude.
00:03:48.000 I'm getting mad.
00:03:48.000 This is what I'm seeing.
00:03:51.000 I'm getting mad.
00:03:53.000 I'm calling him.
00:03:56.000 What?
00:03:57.000 They don't exist.
00:03:58.000 And they went like 10 months without paying us.
00:04:00.000 That doesn't mean you can't still get a gift card.
00:04:04.000 What's his name again?
00:04:06.000 It starts with a V. Yeah, but he might be on my phone.
00:04:11.000 Yeah, here we go.
00:04:15.000 Wait, do you want to?
00:04:16.000 Okay.
00:04:18.000 Bubba and Hanks?
00:04:19.000 Like this guy.
00:04:21.000 Hey, Mr. McInnes, how you doing, buddy?
00:04:24.000 You're on the air.
00:04:25.000 Hey man, what's going on with this?
00:04:27.000 That DSI, they get a Bubba and Hanks gift card?
00:04:33.000 I've got the reads.
00:04:35.000 Live reads.
00:04:37.000 10-13-2022.
00:04:38.000 BetDSI live read ends with, use promo code GAVIN100 and get a $50 Bubba and Hanks card!
00:04:46.000 Let me open up the document.
00:04:50.000 We'll save you some time.
00:04:50.000 We're looking at it.
00:04:51.000 It's not the case.
00:04:53.000 Yeah, dude.
00:04:54.000 This is a pattern with you.
00:04:55.000 Like, Gavin loves gold.
00:04:57.000 You got that URL wrong.
00:04:58.000 We had that twice.
00:04:59.000 Remember that?
00:05:01.000 Gavin likes gold.
00:05:06.000 Yeah, turn off the show.
00:05:09.000 Turn off the show.
00:05:10.000 I get to hear my drops.
00:05:12.000 Okay.
00:05:13.000 Okay, what's going on?
00:05:15.000 Bubba and Hanks?
00:05:15.000 You're cool.
00:05:16.000 Didn't they bilk us out of like five grand?
00:05:21.000 Actually, yeah. 1.00
00:05:23.000 He died in January and then Hank totally fucked us. 0.99
00:05:27.000 But I... How the hell is that good? 1.00
00:05:33.000 No offense, but it sounds like some fucking commie gobbledygook. 1.00
00:05:37.000 What the fuck? 1.00
00:05:42.000 Hold on one sec, dude. 1.00
00:05:43.000 I got so many documents open, I'm not trying to fuck with you. 1.00
00:05:46.000 Well, maybe he's gay. 1.00
00:05:47.000 You ever thought of that?
00:05:48.000 You got so many documents open.
00:05:49.000 How hard is it to see the last... The subject, who was sent at 6.54 p.m.
00:05:57.000 today, live reads, the subject is live reads, 10.13.2022.
00:06:02.000 How can that be hard to find?
00:06:05.000 I have it open.
00:06:07.000 Hold on one moment, please.
00:06:08.000 Nothing wrong with that.
00:06:10.000 Um... Everything wrong with that.
00:06:13.000 See what I'm saying?
00:06:16.000 Let me go to... Set items... You see what I'm dealing with with this guy, by the way?
00:06:22.000 He's on mute, guys.
00:06:23.000 I'm on mute. 1.00
00:06:24.000 Fucking quiz! 1.00
00:06:27.000 Like... It's... This is... Women want to be in the workforce. 1.00
00:06:30.000 All you have to do is say, who generated the message?
00:06:34.000 This is the workforce, ladies. 0.99
00:06:35.000 I did not flub at all.
00:06:36.000 This is what you want to be on. 0.99
00:06:37.000 There was no fucking flub. 0.99
00:06:39.000 I don't know how to... 0.99
00:06:41.000 How did you type that?
00:06:42.000 Who wrote this who wrote this read?
00:06:45.000 Okay, how did you write get a $50 Bubba and Hanks gift card?
00:06:49.000 I
00:07:07.000 I didn't write that.
00:07:15.000 It's a document that I sent via Microsoft Outlook.
00:07:22.000 So did you write, this episode is brought to you by BetDSI.com?
00:07:32.000 Yes, absolutely.
00:07:34.000 Well, it's not like Microsoft Outlook is magic or anything like that, but no, I absolutely did not copy and paste that, nor have I looked at above. 0.97
00:07:50.000 Fuck, dude, I haven't looked at above. 0.95
00:07:53.000 You know what? 1.00
00:07:56.000 I think you work for like Antifa or something and you were sent to give me an aneurysm.
00:08:04.000 Dude, what's your defense here?
00:08:12.000 That you wrote all of it but a sentence jumped in magically? 0.99
00:08:16.000 Dude, I did not fucking write that. 0.86
00:08:20.000 Okay, what is in your sent messages? 0.98
00:08:23.000 Is it the BET-DSI live read?
00:08:26.000 It's DSI, Gold Co.
00:08:28.000 and Shark TV.
00:08:31.000 I'm not talking about that.
00:08:32.000 Let's focus on this BET-DSI.
00:08:34.000 Rock and roll, baby.
00:08:36.000 What?
00:08:37.000 I'm preparing myself to forgive you.
00:08:40.000 Rock and roll?
00:08:43.000 Hoochoo coo! 1.00
00:08:46.000 He's so moved!
00:08:47.000 So this episode is brought to you by betdsi.com, the NFL is back, blah blah blah blah blah.
00:08:53.000 Betdsi.com, promo code GAVIN100, right?
00:08:55.000 First two listeners to email confirmation that they signed up and deposited at betdsi.com with promo code GAVIN100.
00:09:03.000 Get a, and then did you write something else?
00:09:08.000 I can read the live read to you, I'm more than happy to.
00:09:11.000 I just read it, I was in front of my computer, I saw it. 0.99
00:09:38.000 Like, I'm not trying to fuck with you, Gavin. 1.00
00:09:41.000 Shut up, shut up, shut up. 1.00
00:09:42.000 So you copy and pasted from an old version, is what happened? 1.00
00:09:47.000 No!
00:09:48.000 No, no, no.
00:09:48.000 I copy and pasted the live read.
00:09:50.000 I didn't say anything about fucking Bubba and Hanks, dude. 0.91
00:09:53.000 Dude, you copy and pasted the live read from a time when we were working with Bubba and Hanks. 0.95
00:09:58.000 Yeah, it's a mistake.
00:09:59.000 It's fine. 0.99
00:10:02.000 Alright, well, I'm fuckin' retarded, and... Yes, I certainly, uh... I certainly do. 0.98
00:10:19.000 But I don't, I have no idea how Bubba and Hanks wound up in there.
00:10:23.000 Because you copy and pasted from an old live read with Bet DSI when we were working with Bubba and Hanks!
00:10:33.000 How do you not get that? 0.91
00:10:36.000 Everybody knows you never go full retard. 0.98
00:10:38.000 Yes, I proofread everything.
00:10:40.000 So you proofread it and what happened?
00:10:47.000 Hold on, I'm coming.
00:10:51.000 I don't know how you feed yourself and go to the bathroom.
00:10:58.000 Do you have a woman roll you over and wash your body so you don't get bed sores? 1.00
00:11:02.000 Do you know who Terry Shivo is?
00:11:07.000 That is your ideal mate. 0.95
00:11:10.000 Well, it is a very unfortunate situation. 0.95
00:11:13.000 Like, there's certain people where they're gonna stay dumb forever because they don't- He just didn't want to own it!
00:11:20.000 They don't- like, information doesn't go in. 0.93
00:11:22.000 These are great jobs.
00:11:23.000 Ryan is guilty of this too.
00:11:25.000 I'll be like, dude, you forgot the thing!
00:11:26.000 And he's like, no I didn't.
00:11:27.000 It's really good to see.
00:11:28.000 Well, it's there on your desk.
00:11:30.000 Well, I don't know.
00:11:31.000 I don't know how that happened.
00:11:32.000 You forgot it!
00:11:33.000 Yeah.
00:11:34.000 No, I brought it, actually.
00:11:36.000 Oh, so it jumped out of your car and got back to your desk?
00:11:38.000 I don't know.
00:11:39.000 Think about what you'd think about!
00:11:42.000 I don't know, man.
00:11:42.000 I didn't type up an exit.
00:11:43.000 Yeah, we know you didn't type it.
00:11:46.000 You cut and paste it.
00:11:47.000 Well, I proofread it.
00:11:49.000 It wasn't there?
00:11:50.000 It wasn't there when you proofread it?
00:11:53.000 Maybe Outlook does a thing to it.
00:11:55.000 He's got a brain.
00:11:57.000 And this brain is not uncommon, where you can just go
00:12:02.000 I don't know.
00:12:03.000 I'm outta here, bye.
00:12:04.000 What do you want me to do?
00:12:05.000 Is this live footage of his brain?
00:12:06.000 I'm innocent.
00:12:07.000 Live footage of his brain? 0.86
00:12:08.000 Bye bye!
00:12:09.000 Bye everybody!
00:12:12.000 It's like this... I ordered this Italian food once when we lived in Williamsburg, Brooklyn and it didn't come and I called the guy and I was like, dude...
00:12:19.000 We've been sitting here for an hour, what's going on?
00:12:21.000 And he goes, hold on, let me check.
00:12:23.000 This is the owner of the restaurant.
00:12:25.000 And then he goes, yep, your order's not here.
00:12:28.000 And I go, wait a minute, so it never came up?
00:12:31.000 And he goes, dude, it's not here.
00:12:33.000 And I go, okay, so are you saying that I never ordered my food?
00:12:38.000 And he's like, well.
00:12:41.000 And I go, so, I'm lying, I just called you up and I was like, hey, I ordered some food an hour ago.
00:12:48.000 Yeah, that was supposed to be a joke.
00:12:50.000 Are you calling me a liar? 0.99
00:12:51.000 And he goes, look, buddy, either you're a liar or I'm a liar. 0.98
00:12:53.000 And I know I'm not a liar. 0.96
00:12:55.000 It doesn't say that. 1.00
00:12:56.000 You're a liar. 1.00
00:12:57.000 So I hang up and I'm just like, what? 1.00
00:13:04.000 And then I go, wait a minute, I know all the specials.
00:13:06.000 So I call him back, and I'm like, the specials tonight are Fettuccine Alfredo, and you have, uh, some, uh, Beef Gnocchi, and you have, and I named all the specials, and I go, how do I know the specials?
00:13:18.000 If I hadn't called earlier?
00:13:20.000 And then he pauses, and he goes, oh, okay. 0.99
00:13:23.000 And then he sends a bottle of wine, and our fucking order! 0.99
00:13:27.000 Three hours later! 0.98
00:13:28.000 I know this isn't what you want, and I'm sorry!
00:13:31.000 Just sit there and go,
00:13:32.000 Look, I don't know what to tell you, dude.
00:13:34.000 I didn't write Bub and Hanks.
00:13:36.000 So I don't know what you get as far as gift cards go, but I promise you it has nothing to do with a dead state company that fucked us over for five grand. 0.69
00:13:46.000 Okay? 0.98
00:13:46.000 Aren't you embarrassed? 0.98
00:13:50.000 You notice in the Christopher Columbus Day thing, I think it was last year, when the Antifa showed up to take down the statue, or at least, I don't know, throw shit on it, all the Italians were there from Philly, South Philly, and they were all like, they kept saying that to the Antifa guys. 0.94
00:14:03.000 They're like, aren't you embarrassed? 0.92
00:14:06.000 Really?
00:14:07.000 I don't know if they got it from Maniscalco or it was just the local vernacular.
00:14:09.000 It's just the local vernacular?
00:14:11.000 It's a good question, because the guy was on a bicycle.
00:14:15.000 Oh, that reminds me of my talk.
00:14:17.000 Yeah, Pasobic was tweeting it out.
00:14:20.000 So the panic about me going to Penn State, the real panic is, I deperson... Yeah, that's the guy!
00:14:26.000 Nice timing, Ryan.
00:14:27.000 Thanks.
00:14:30.000 Aren't you embarrassed? 1.00
00:14:31.000 Oh, shit. 1.00
00:14:31.000 I can give you my business card, sir, if that's a problem. 1.00
00:14:35.000 Aren't you embarrassed?
00:14:41.000 You're embarrassed. 1.00
00:14:42.000 You're an embarrassment. 1.00
00:14:43.000 You're an embarrassment. 1.00
00:14:44.000 So what do you think about how Christopher Columbus... So what do you think about how Christopher Columbus... They were fucking savages back then. 0.99
00:14:52.000 This guy just hit me in the head. 1.00
00:14:53.000 They weren't savages.
00:14:56.000 Sir, can I have my bike back?
00:14:57.000 Sir, let me have my bicycle. 0.99
00:14:58.000 What kind of world are we in, where you go up to some old fucking Italians with your bicycle, and they have bats, and you're like, uh, sir, can you give me my business card? 0.99
00:15:07.000 How did we end up here? 0.99
00:15:08.000 Yeah, there's a compute. 0.99
00:15:10.000 Like, if a fucking gang of bikers are wrong, and they're worshipping, I don't know, Hitler? 0.99
00:15:16.000 There we go. 1.00
00:15:16.000 Hello. 1.00
00:15:20.000 The idea of like, yes, how do you feel about the fact that Hitler murdered six million Jews?
00:15:25.000 Is that funny to you?
00:15:28.000 No. 1.00
00:15:29.000 Don't fucking go there. 0.99
00:15:31.000 You're not gonna win that battle. 0.99
00:15:33.000 What do you think they're gonna do?
00:15:34.000 Go, touche.
00:15:36.000 Yeah, well you got a point.
00:15:37.000 You know what?
00:15:39.000 Take it down! 1.00
00:15:41.000 Take down that statue! 0.97
00:15:42.000 That guy on the bicycle with the business card just nailed us.
00:15:46.000 You turn around and walk away! 1.00
00:15:49.000 He's fucking pathetic. 1.00
00:15:51.000 You need to give up. 1.00
00:15:54.000 Find something better else to do with your fucking time. 1.00
00:15:57.000 Worry about a guy that came around get punched in the face. 1.00
00:15:59.000 This would be the best thing for your life.
00:16:01.000 Yeah, most guys have never been punched in the face, but Speaking of punch in the face.
00:16:06.000 I'm doing this talk at Penn State.
00:16:07.000 Everyone's freaking out the lefties are freaking out They're not freaking out about the other comedy tour.
00:16:10.000 I don't quite know why I think it's cuz Penn State is a university and the fact that I'm talking there is legitimizing my existence and that's
00:16:17.000 Their biggest nightmare, I think mostly because they'd like to be invited to Penn State and then the staff is freaking out because they know my speech is going to be about how incompetent they are and how you see them as professors because they have a briefcase and they're smart but I'm their age and I remember these guys from high school and they were the guys that were picked on and this is all revenge. 0.99
00:16:36.000 You're living in a revenge cult where they get to be the boss and these people are morons. 0.99
00:16:42.000 And that scares them because I'm threatening their trade. 0.99
00:16:45.000 But one of the big takeaways is, when Gavin did a talk at the Metropolitan Club, there was violence.
00:16:52.000 Well, yeah.
00:16:53.000 There was violence because Antifa kept jumping people.
00:16:56.000 And they go, two men went to jail. 0.97
00:16:58.000 Yeah, because we live in a clown world. 0.63
00:16:59.000 The guys who went to jail beat up dudes who jumped them. 0.78
00:17:04.000 And they go, they attacked protesters.
00:17:07.000 Yeah, I guess.
00:17:08.000 If protesters jump you, and then you win the fight, are you attacking protesters?
00:17:13.000 I don't know.
00:17:15.000 I attacked this person. 0.96
00:17:18.000 I shot him. 0.54
00:17:18.000 What were they doing? 0.54
00:17:19.000 Oh, it was a home invasion.
00:17:20.000 They came into my house, so I blew them away with a shotgun.
00:17:23.000 Okay.
00:17:24.000 No one says you attacked a home invader.
00:17:27.000 And that's what these people were.
00:17:28.000 They were talk invaders. 0.67
00:17:30.000 So yeah, there was violence.
00:17:31.000 It was towards us.
00:17:32.000 We had a mob attack us at NYU.
00:17:35.000 They pepper sprayed me.
00:17:37.000 They jumped. 0.99
00:17:38.000 About fucking, I'm going to say 50 people jumped the 10 guys I was with. 0.99
00:17:43.000 The 10 guys won. 0.99
00:17:45.000 Ryan went to jail.
00:17:46.000 Yep.
00:17:46.000 I won separately.
00:17:47.000 Two Antifa, 10 Antifa went to jail.
00:17:50.000 Two Proud Boys went to jail.
00:17:53.000 The rest just weren't charged, got away with it.
00:17:56.000 And it was 10 against 50.
00:17:57.000 Is that violence?
00:18:00.000 Is that me bringing my violent thugs to attack protesters?
00:18:05.000 The protesters aren't sitting there going, hey, we disagree. 1.00
00:18:08.000 They're like fucking Nazi throwing bottles of piss. 1.00
00:18:12.000 Minor detail you left out. 1.00
00:18:14.000 And John and Max got fucking four years for a 17 second fight. 0.96
00:18:19.000 For winning a 17 second fight that they did not start. 0.95
00:18:22.000 Is that relevant?
00:18:23.000 What's that?
00:18:24.000 Say that again. 0.71
00:18:26.000 Is it a comedy show or a speaking engagement?
00:18:30.000 It's both.
00:18:30.000 Both.
00:18:31.000 It'll be comical.
00:18:32.000 Yeah.
00:18:32.000 Listen to the, uh, on the radio.
00:18:36.000 Wait, we got that on the site there.
00:18:37.000 Your radio spot.
00:18:38.000 It's cool hearing you on the radio. 0.98
00:18:39.000 That's fucking cool. 0.99
00:18:41.000 Does that get broadcasted on stations and shit? 0.99
00:18:44.000 I think they're syndicated in a few stations, but I think they're all Pennsylvania. 0.98
00:18:47.000 I don't know.
00:18:47.000 That's awesome.
00:18:50.000 In today's crazy world, quality sleep and much-needed relaxation can be hard to come by.
00:18:54.000 Enter Shellshock CBD, the nation's fastest-growing veteran-owned CBD and Delta-8 supplement company.
00:18:59.000 Shellshock offers a variety of non-THC products as well as products that contain THC.
00:19:03.000 Try a THC-free, rack-out CBD gummy infused with melatonin for superior sleep.
00:19:10.000 I'm against melatonin for kids, by the way.
00:19:12.000 I don't like these Aussie sleep things for kids. 1.00
00:19:15.000 It's not healthy. 0.99
00:19:16.000 But for adults, it's fucking awesome. 0.96
00:19:18.000 Oh, the ollie vitamins, the chewables? 0.99
00:19:19.000 Yeah, I don't like those ollies.
00:19:20.000 That's not cool.
00:19:21.000 And there have been studies that they're bad for kids.
00:19:24.000 But, you know, we're adults.
00:19:25.000 We get stressed out.
00:19:26.000 We have to deal with people who promote dead, dead state companies that owe us five grand.
00:19:31.000 I advertise dead people.
00:19:33.000 What?
00:19:34.000 I advertise dead people.
00:19:36.000 It's a sixth sense.
00:19:37.000 No, God bless them.
00:19:38.000 But bad business. 1.00
00:19:40.000 No, not God bless you moron. 1.00
00:19:42.000 Well, you're such a woman sometimes. 1.00
00:19:43.000 Life and death.
00:19:44.000 I mean, you got to God bless that.
00:19:46.000 Oh, you're God blessing the dead guy?
00:19:47.000 Yes.
00:19:47.000 Okay.
00:19:48.000 I thought you were God blessing the moron who fucked up this first read. 1.00
00:19:51.000 No, no, God not bless that guy. 1.00
00:19:54.000 But yeah, we're stressed out.
00:19:55.000 We're adults.
00:19:56.000 We got a lot on our plate. 1.00
00:19:57.000 Our buddy Matty just had a steel umbrella stuck in his fucking heart. 0.99
00:20:01.000 We worry about our friends. 0.99
00:20:02.000 You wake up
00:20:05.000 At four with the horrors, with the terrors.
00:20:08.000 The horrors. 0.99
00:20:08.000 And when you take these, it's just fucking going to the movies all night long. 0.99
00:20:18.000 Or a Delta 8 THC Halo gummy now available in cotton candy flavor to experience a euphoric high and premium relaxation. 0.97
00:20:25.000 They also offer sample packs of all of their gummies.
00:20:28.000 That's a good idea to start with.
00:20:31.000 See which one you like best.
00:20:33.000 They're good, too.
00:20:34.000 Yeah, I know.
00:20:34.000 I was just about to say they should make them less good.
00:20:37.000 Oh, you've tried them?
00:20:38.000 Oh, yeah.
00:20:38.000 I have them right here.
00:20:39.000 I have the rack outs on my nightstand.
00:20:42.000 Oh, really?
00:20:43.000 Oh, yeah.
00:20:44.000 Interesting.
00:20:45.000 You can't just eat one.
00:20:46.000 It's easy to overdose.
00:20:49.000 I did the mistake of taking two of the Delta 8's the first time.
00:20:55.000 Not a good.
00:20:58.000 No bueno.
00:20:59.000 When I got up to take a piss in the middle of the night, I was holding on to the wall.
00:21:05.000 I woke up in the morning, I was still like... Don't take two at once!
00:21:10.000 No.
00:21:10.000 Nibble.
00:21:11.000 You know what I do with these things?
00:21:13.000 I don't ever take a full gummy.
00:21:15.000 I bite, I microdose.
00:21:16.000 I take a little tiny bite.
00:21:18.000 Then if it's not working, I might take another bite, but that would be like two hours later.
00:21:21.000 How many guys did you know in high school, it was shrooms or acid or something, and they're like, didn't work on me.
00:21:27.000 Didn't work.
00:21:27.000 And you're like...
00:21:29.000 Yeah, it's got to process through your liver when you eat it.
00:21:31.000 Yeah, and then you see the guy like an hour later and he's like, Dude!
00:21:37.000 We're gonna die!
00:21:38.000 And you're like, what's going on?
00:21:39.000 Did you have more?
00:21:39.000 He goes, Yeah, I had three.
00:21:42.000 What?
00:21:44.000 I told you to wait! 0.98
00:21:45.000 It wasn't working on me!
00:21:47.000 Well, it sure is now!
00:21:49.000 You fixed your problem.
00:21:50.000 Bye-bye!
00:21:51.000 Home to Mommy!
00:21:52.000 Home to Mommy!
00:21:53.000 She probably likes me.
00:21:55.000 Home to a different galaxy, frankly, or in another way.
00:21:58.000 No, but I always said, if people are bad tripping, sorry, you gotta go.
00:22:04.000 You don't have to go home, but you've got to go upstairs to my sister's bedroom or something.
00:22:09.000 You can go sit there. 0.99
00:22:10.000 You've got to wait out your bummer fucking bad trip. 0.99
00:22:14.000 Bad trips are contagious. 1.00
00:22:15.000 Get the hell out of here brown people. 1.00
00:22:19.000 Brown acid people. 0.99
00:22:22.000 But the secret to a bad trip, by the way, I haven't done drugs in many years, but the secret to a bad trip is to go, I'm not dying, this is not stage four cancer, this is just a very, very heavy, shitty trip, and it will not last forever.
00:22:35.000 People clean out the sewers, people are in war zones, six hours, I just gotta sit here.
00:22:41.000 Imagine you're waiting for a bus, and there's no other way to get home, and the next bus is in six hours.
00:22:47.000 You gotta sit at the bus station and have a shitty time.
00:22:49.000 You'll make it. 0.98
00:22:50.000 You'll make it.
00:22:51.000 Somebody on Rogan said you have to be, it's like you're a warrior.
00:22:54.000 You have to battle through it.
00:22:54.000 And I was like, that really helped.
00:22:56.000 Yeah, I don't know if you can save a bad trip.
00:22:59.000 I don't know.
00:23:00.000 I think I've saved one.
00:23:01.000 I haven't tripped in a long time.
00:23:03.000 No.
00:23:04.000 I don't know if I did anything to save it or if it just kind of went away.
00:23:06.000 I remember the biggest problem with bad trips was you read about that dude who did acid once and then he was on acid for the rest of his life and you're like, I'm one of those.
00:23:14.000 He thought he was a glass of orange juice or something.
00:23:16.000 You heard that one?
00:23:18.000 Yeah.
00:23:18.000 Well, I knew a dude who was a banana for a year and a half.
00:23:23.000 Not a banana for a year and a half, but he was a lot of shit for a year and a half. 0.99
00:23:26.000 But then I found out later he did like a sheet. 1.00
00:23:32.000 He was a lot of shit for you. 1.00
00:23:33.000 He did like 100 hits. 1.00
00:23:34.000 This many tabs.
00:23:36.000 Yeah, 100 hits and a bladder. 0.99
00:23:38.000 So yeah, he was on the bus.
00:23:40.000 He said, I interviewed him for Vice back when we were newsprint and he would like wake up and his face was melting.
00:23:46.000 He had, his mom would like bring him soup.
00:23:48.000 He would eat like once a day, a few spoonfuls, he lost like 80 pounds.
00:23:52.000 Wow.
00:23:52.000 He would sleep on a bare mattress with no sheets or anything and he'd get on the bus and like everything was an episode of Gumball, the cartoon.
00:24:01.000 Jesus. 1.00
00:24:02.000 Like the bus was made of fucking 1.00
00:24:04.000 Balsa wood. 1.00
00:24:05.000 People were bleeding to death on the bus.
00:24:07.000 One of the guys was a fellow banana.
00:24:10.000 And then he got better.
00:24:11.000 It's quiet.
00:24:12.000 Yeah, no, it's quiet.
00:24:14.000 Then there was another dude.
00:24:15.000 Did I ever tell you this story?
00:24:17.000 It's a long one, but... I met my friend Rupert Bottenberg, I think was his name.
00:24:22.000 He's a cartoonist in Montreal.
00:24:24.000 And we go there and everyone's really uncomfortable and I'm... I'm fucking a bull in a china shop my entire life. 0.99
00:24:30.000 And I walk up like, what's up? 1.00
00:24:31.000 No! 1.00
00:24:32.000 What's up, faggots? 1.00
00:24:34.000 And there's this one guy like super tall. 1.00
00:24:36.000 He's like 6'2".
00:24:37.000 And he's grown out.
00:24:39.000 Take a quarter right here and just grow that. 0.95
00:24:44.000 Then he had it braided with beads on it.
00:24:46.000 So he's got this weird, like, rat tail from the very top of his head, growing out to here, with beads on. 0.99
00:24:52.000 And I'm like, dude, what the fuck is with your hair? 0.98
00:24:56.000 I mean, rat tails are one thing, but you've got a beaded rat tail at the top of your head? 0.99
00:25:01.000 Do you think he was a monk or something?
00:25:03.000 What are you thinking?
00:25:05.000 And he goes, oh yeah?
00:25:06.000 Check this out.
00:25:07.000 And then he starts going... And then it becomes like a propeller.
00:25:12.000 On the top of his head.
00:25:13.000 That's the point of it, I guess. 1.00
00:25:14.000 And I go, dude, you seem like one of these fucking weirdos that took acid once, and then you were permanently on acid. 1.00
00:25:21.000 And then everyone looks at me going, what the fuck? 1.00
00:25:23.000 And I go, this is a bad vibe here. 0.99
00:25:25.000 Everyone's so uncomfortable.
00:25:26.000 I go piss.
00:25:27.000 Aren't y'all always, the apartments all have stairs in them.
00:25:31.000 I go, it's very long and skinny and tall, right?
00:25:34.000 I go piss and there's a woman on the stairs who I guess is my age now. 1.00
00:25:39.000 She's probably not younger.
00:25:40.000 She may be like 40. 1.00
00:25:41.000 He was 20. 1.00
00:25:42.000 And I realized, holy fuck, he is that guy. 0.99
00:25:47.000 Actually was explained to me later. 0.99
00:25:48.000 The mom brought him there to hang out with his friends to see if it might sort of trigger some normalcy and get him to stop being a banana for a while.
00:25:56.000 Wow.
00:25:59.000 And so she's, I think she heard what I said in the living room, and she's mortified.
00:26:03.000 She's just like... Anyway, not a great way to advertise shell shock CBD.
00:26:13.000 None of that will happen with this.
00:26:15.000 We're going on a very, very far tangent with a drug called LSD, where this guy probably did the equivalent of what we've done in our entire lives.
00:26:22.000 Yeah, it might get the munchies. 0.80
00:26:25.000 Oh, Jordan Peterson is here.
00:26:27.000 That's about it.
00:26:28.000 Maybe, you know, in the middle of your night, you'll be like watching cartoons or playing, you know, video games.
00:26:34.000 You're like, oh boy, I'm hungry.
00:26:36.000 So maybe that'll happen.
00:26:37.000 But that's about it.
00:26:39.000 Yeah, if you're scared of getting too high, don't take the ones with THC.
00:26:44.000 When you try their products and love them, be sure to sign up for a subscription to receive 10% off your order every month and to ensure you're never without your favorite products.
00:26:54.000 Don't miss out on their limited Halloween edition, blueberry-flavored CBD bomb drops.
00:26:59.000 Shell Shock products are 100% grown, harvested, manufactured right here in America.
00:27:03.000 All products are also third party tested to ensure optimal quality is always achieved and transparent transparency is always given.
00:27:11.000 Go to Shell Shock CBD spelled like that.
00:27:16.000 CBD.com.
00:27:20.000 Slash Gavin and use codes Gavin or GML for 20% off your first order.
00:27:26.000 Follow them on Instagram at shell shock wellness.
00:27:30.000 Um, or go to Bubba and hanks.com for a free sample pack of shells.
00:27:40.000 See, how did that happen?
00:27:42.000 Because they were never together.
00:27:44.000 Wouldn't surprise me in the least.
00:27:45.000 Wait, so this guy who does our ad sales, I was like, just fire him, dude.
00:27:51.000 He's got to go. 0.99
00:27:53.000 Fucking Gavin loves gold like three times in a row. 0.99
00:27:57.000 But let me just see. 0.98
00:27:58.000 Because the guy that I know who hired him was like, don't worry, man.
00:28:04.000 He's back on track.
00:28:06.000 Well, he's a friend of mine.
00:28:07.000 I mean, I've known him for years.
00:28:08.000 Through us?
00:28:10.000 Um, no.
00:28:12.000 A little bit before that from Compound.
00:28:14.000 Hey, man.
00:28:17.000 Uh.
00:28:19.000 Yeah, I'm doing the show, but I'm just hanging out, talking to people. 1.00
00:28:23.000 Oh, shit. 0.99
00:28:23.000 That was weird. 0.99
00:28:30.000 Did you just get forwarded to a voicemail during a call?
00:28:36.000 Uh, did he pay you the 5k?
00:28:43.000 Because last time I asked him what the money he owed, he was like, yeah, yeah, he's mailing us a check.
00:28:47.000 It's going to be here in like two weeks.
00:28:50.000 What is he walking?
00:28:52.000 Yeah, it's been.
00:28:54.000 Oh, hi.
00:28:55.000 It'll be here in a fortnight, son.
00:28:57.000 Oh my God.
00:28:57.000 Wait a minute.
00:28:58.000 The next one is gold coat.
00:29:00.000 That's Gavin loves gold, right?
00:29:02.000 Let's see.
00:29:02.000 No, no.
00:29:04.000 Pull up Gavin Loves Gold.
00:29:10.000 I proofread them.
00:29:11.000 He's got that Chicago accent, which Howard Stern has been doing of late.
00:29:15.000 What did you type in to get that?
00:29:16.000 Gavin loves gold.
00:29:18.000 He's got Gavin likes gold.
00:29:20.000 Wait, I think that's the one that originally worked.
00:29:22.000 I think they bought both.
00:29:24.000 No, look up Gavin likes gold.
00:29:26.000 It's one of the baby monsters who made a fake site.
00:29:29.000 That's the one, right?
00:29:32.000 Yeah, no.
00:29:34.000 Oh boy. 0.99
00:29:35.000 I gotta fucking... 1.00
00:29:37.000 Oh, for fuck's sake, son! 1.00
00:29:39.000 This is amazing. 1.00
00:29:40.000 Amazing! 1.00
00:29:40.000 You're a fucking EJ! 1.00
00:29:49.000 This is the third week in a row. 1.00
00:29:54.000 Hello?
00:29:55.000 Dude, have you seen the Gold Co.
00:29:58.000 copy?
00:30:00.000 Yes, I sent you two emails, yes.
00:30:04.000 What do you mean you sent me two emails?
00:30:07.000 I email you every Thursday.
00:30:09.000 Okay.
00:30:10.000 So, go look at the Gold Co.
00:30:13.000 copy.
00:30:16.000 Alright.
00:30:17.000 Hold on a moment, please.
00:30:21.000 I got time. 0.99
00:30:23.000 If I catch any of you fucks... Hey, there's Ryan. 1.00
00:30:29.000 Turn off the show. 1.00
00:30:31.000 Okay.
00:30:32.000 It's feeding back.
00:30:35.000 No problem. 0.99
00:30:36.000 I also don't want him to hear me talking shit about him. 0.92
00:30:39.000 What is the issue now, please? 0.99
00:30:41.000 Please go to the Gold Co.
00:30:43.000 Why are you talking like an air traffic controller?
00:30:47.000 It's going to be a bumpy advertisement.
00:30:50.000 I'm trying to be very polite.
00:30:52.000 I'm celebrating five years of being open as a business today.
00:30:56.000 Yeah, just.
00:30:59.000 All right, so what do you want me to look at?
00:31:02.000 In the Gold Co.? ?
00:31:04.000 Yeah.
00:31:06.000 Look at the URL.
00:31:09.000 Congratulations.
00:31:10.000 We bought both URLs.
00:31:11.000 Oh, you did?
00:31:13.000 Yeah.
00:31:13.000 I made sure that just in case someone made an error, if it's likes or loves.
00:31:20.000 Oh, that's smart.
00:31:21.000 That's smart.
00:31:22.000 Yeah.
00:31:23.000 You're no dummy.
00:31:24.000 So go to GavinLikesGold.com.
00:31:28.000 Okay.
00:31:36.000 Yeah, that's my concern.
00:31:46.000 That's my top concern is swears in the background. 0.83
00:31:50.000 Not the most Nazi cartoon in the world.
00:31:53.000 I was gonna say that does look a little Hitler propaganda-y. 0.65
00:31:58.000 Yeah.
00:31:58.000 Why did you do that?
00:31:59.000 I sent him like 12 images of you.
00:32:01.000 I did not create this image.
00:32:03.000 That I can also back up.
00:32:08.000 Buddy, they didn't make that website. 0.96
00:32:12.000 This is someone fucking with us who bought the URL. 0.98
00:32:17.000 That is an anti-semitic trope to make us look bad. 1.00
00:32:21.000 And I gotta admit, it's pretty funny as a diss, but it is an effective fuck you to me. 1.00
00:32:28.000 Yeah, but I'd never tell you to... Fuck you. 1.00
00:32:31.000 That's not my MO, buddy. 1.00
00:32:33.000 Like, we're... Effortless.
00:32:35.000 I enjoy working with you and Tony and Ryan and... Does he not understand that he put the wrong URL?
00:32:41.000 How do you not understand what's going on here?
00:32:43.000 Someone else owns GavinLikesGold.
00:32:46.000 Like, just think of... First of all, forget, like, the cartoon.
00:32:49.000 Think of that as a swastika, okay? 0.91
00:32:53.000 That's what it is.
00:33:15.000 So the graphic is just like an unfortunate mistake you don't think it's like on purpose I
00:33:39.000 I've had the privilege of growing up in a traditional...
00:33:57.000 Okay, now I'm convinced that you're a genius.
00:34:01.000 Oh, thank you.
00:34:04.000 Now I'm going from a frown to a smile, so I don't mind being insulted ever.
00:34:09.000 No, you're pretty good.
00:34:11.000 You're pretty good.
00:34:11.000 Touche.
00:34:12.000 You're fired. 0.97
00:34:12.000 I felt worthless. 0.97
00:34:13.000 By the way, you're fired. 0.98
00:34:14.000 I felt ugly. 0.99
00:34:14.000 I felt gay. 0.99
00:34:15.000 But this was, if you're, if this was a prank, you did a fucking pretty good job. 0.99
00:34:22.000 Anyway, goodbye. 0.93
00:34:25.000 How did he try to turn around and play the victim there?
00:34:28.000 It's gotta be a prank.
00:34:30.000 This is next-level prank.
00:34:33.000 Because we have received tens of thousands of dollars from him.
00:34:36.000 So I'm at like 50-50. 1.00
00:34:38.000 The guy is either so retarded I can't believe he knows how to wipe his own ass or 1.00
00:34:46.000 He is like next-level Kaufman, outdid me a hundred times, and he got a job at a place and became so shitty that he, like, but the weird thing is, like, Shellshock, everything's fine. 1.00
00:35:00.000 So that's part of it, I guess. 0.99
00:35:01.000 Like, you let real shit go. 0.99
00:35:03.000 Yeah, that's the setup. 0.99
00:35:04.000 The setup's never funny.
00:35:05.000 But then you, like, throw Bubba and Hanks in there, just little things.
00:35:10.000 A great prank is, I can't remember who this was, some celebrity.
00:35:14.000 It might have even been, and I'm sad to admit this, but George Clooney.
00:35:18.000 I heard he was on a movie set, and he would take his co-star's shoes, Matt Damon or something, and he would buy the same shoes, but like half a size smaller every day. 0.94
00:35:29.000 So Matt Damon was going nuts, because he's like, what the fuck is with my feet? 0.94
00:35:35.000 They keep growing. 0.97
00:35:36.000 That's the level of joke this is, if it's a joke.
00:35:39.000 Where you get the Bob and Hank's gift card and then you say, no, no, no, we bought Gavin Likes Gold, it's cool.
00:35:45.000 It's not a joke.
00:35:47.000 Dude, it's an anti-Semitic trope, just as me.
00:35:51.000 Look, if you don't like the graphic, I can change the graphic.
00:35:54.000 Yeah, I don't like the graphic.
00:35:57.000 Nobody likes the graphic but Nazis. 0.77
00:36:00.000 GavinDislikesGraphic.com Okay, you don't want a swastika?
00:36:05.000 Now I know.
00:36:06.000 But he keeps sending the wrong one.
00:36:09.000 What?
00:36:09.000 What?
00:36:10.000 It's Gavin Loves Gold.
00:36:12.000 Right.
00:36:12.000 And he keeps sending you on the read, Gavin Likes Gold.
00:36:14.000 Yes.
00:36:15.000 Homeboy's gonna like it.
00:36:16.000 But he thinks that's fine because Gavin Loves Gold, which is this, and Gavin Likes Gold
00:36:23.000 Uh, are both owned by us.
00:36:25.000 Yes.
00:36:25.000 But, and I don't know why he would do that.
00:36:26.000 He saw, he sent them images, plenty of images.
00:36:29.000 But don't, but don't, that's another, okay, there's two, uh, we'll call him dude.
00:36:33.000 There's two dudes here. 0.99
00:36:35.000 There's the guy who's pranking us, who deserves the Nobel Peace Prize. 0.97
00:36:38.000 That's so fucking funny. 0.96
00:36:39.000 And I'm very impressed with you, by the way. 0.96
00:36:41.000 I'd like to hire you again.
00:36:42.000 You're now unfired.
00:36:45.000 Stop pranking me, though.
00:36:46.000 That's one of the criteria at your new job, is all pranks have to be away from here. 1.00
00:36:52.000 Dude B is the stupidest person I've ever worked with in my life. 1.00
00:36:55.000 Now, Dude B... 1.00
00:37:06.000 Was told by my baby monster, don't worry man, I have Gavin Likes Gold.
00:37:09.000 And by the way, that guy's funny too, if it is dude B. So he goes, he's like, okay, okay, look, the bears are on, but look, Gavin Loves Gold's the site, can you just redirect it there?
00:37:23.000 And then I bet this dude goes, sure, just send me some graphics.
00:37:26.000 And he's like, oh, OK.
00:37:29.000 I guess that's for the splash page.
00:37:31.000 So he sends the guy pictures of me. 0.99
00:37:33.000 And then the guy is like, fuck you, I'm not doing those. 1.00
00:37:36.000 And then he makes the fucking Nazi trope. 1.00
00:37:38.000 But it still doesn't excuse it. 0.99
00:37:40.000 Change it on the fucking paper from Gavin Lysakow to what it's supposed to be. 0.97
00:37:44.000 Yes. 0.99
00:37:45.000 That's the point.
00:37:46.000 Sort of, yes.
00:37:47.000 That's a good point.
00:37:48.000 But if
00:37:50.000 In all good faith, our guys own Gavin Likes Gold, then it doesn't matter.
00:37:54.000 You don't have to fix the typo.
00:37:56.000 Because Gavin Likes Gold is going to have a fun graphic of me going, sorry, wrong one!
00:37:56.000 Right.
00:38:00.000 And then direct you to Gavin Loves Gold.
00:38:05.000 So...
00:38:08.000 Yeah.
00:38:09.000 You know, I googled this dude because the first time I met him, he was so annoying.
00:38:13.000 I thought, this guy's a genius and he's a prankster. 0.97
00:38:15.000 And I looked up his company and they had one client who was some real estate woman who, like, had fucking, what's the one with the hot air balloon? 1.00
00:38:26.000 Is that Flow or Progressive? 0.98
00:38:27.000 No.
00:38:28.000 Oops. 1.00
00:38:28.000 No, real estate shit for brains. 1.00
00:38:32.000 Oh, Max, something Max. 1.00
00:38:34.000 Yeah, whatever it was, right?
00:38:36.000 It's just something like that.
00:38:36.000 It wasn't that.
00:38:38.000 And she was like, I had a great time working with these guys.
00:38:40.000 They're really good.
00:38:41.000 Century.
00:38:43.000 Whatever.
00:38:44.000 And that's different.
00:38:45.000 That's not the hot air balloons.
00:38:48.000 And I thought, okay, you have one client, huh? 0.64
00:38:53.000 I would rather have, say this guy is dude B and he's just incompetent.
00:38:57.000 I would rather just from my own wallet, 1.00
00:39:01.000 promote, I don't know, brands I like, like Budweiser and Maker's Mark, and receive no money, then have to deal with this motherfuckers bullshit ever again. 1.00
00:39:12.000 He's 100% fired. 1.00
00:39:12.000 He's fired. 1.00
00:39:13.000 No, this is... Why are you such a pussy? 1.00
00:39:15.000 Yeah, it's so much fun. 1.00
00:39:25.000 Hey man, did you get the check for $5,000?
00:39:43.000 He is fired. 0.85
00:39:44.000 He's either the greatest prankster in the world, and that's kudos to him, but we finally caught on five months in, or he's the most incompetent Cro-Magnon man ever born.
00:39:58.000 Either way, we don't want him around. 1.00
00:39:59.000 So I'm happy to pay out of my fucking salary the money we lose from not having sponsors, but I'm not working with this fucking clown ever again. 0.99
00:40:07.000 I don't want to know he's alive. 1.00
00:40:09.000 I don't... If he gets... If fucking a drone strikes his house, I don't want to hear about it.
00:40:14.000 I don't fucking care. 1.00
00:40:18.000 Agreed? 0.99
00:40:18.000 Alright, bye. 0.99
00:40:23.000 Mother Nature's hella pissed. 1.00
00:40:25.000 He's like, agreed man, agreed.
00:40:31.000 I can't tell you how many times my wife and I have been like, we gotta start smoking pot.
00:40:35.000 New Year's resolution.
00:40:37.000 Get back. 1.00
00:40:38.000 I asked her brother, because he's a fucking raging pothead, I was like, how much pot do you smoke, bro? 1.00
00:40:44.000 And he's like, I try to smoke once a day. 1.00
00:40:48.000 And I'm like, it's not working out.
00:40:53.000 I have my days where I fuck up and I don't smoke weed. 0.77
00:40:56.000 But I try to get in once a day. 0.96
00:40:58.000 Once a day?
00:41:04.000 I want to get back to it.
00:41:06.000 I don't know, there's just... Weed?
00:41:08.000 Yeah.
00:41:09.000 I want to get back into weed.
00:41:11.000 I thought about that too.
00:41:12.000 Fall is the perfect season.
00:41:13.000 I know a guy.
00:41:14.000 Fall is the perfect season for that.
00:41:14.000 Yeah.
00:41:17.000 Yeah, the giggles.
00:41:18.000 It's great for your marriage.
00:41:20.000 The constant giggling.
00:41:22.000 I could totally picture that.
00:41:23.000 We just sit there, we watch a movie and now it's like exciting again.
00:41:27.000 Yeah.
00:41:27.000 Maybe I'll get in the weeds.
00:41:28.000 Like laughing your fucking face off with your wife. 1.00
00:41:31.000 That's the best marriage therapy anyone can have. 1.00
00:41:35.000 So we've kind of done this Gold Co.
00:41:36.000 read.
00:41:37.000 This may be the last of our sponsors forever.
00:41:40.000 But, um, my fellow Americans, if you have an IRA, 401k, or savings account, things are getting scary out there.
00:41:44.000 The Biden administration has already printed more money.
00:41:46.000 Of course you're fired for allowing for an anti-Semitic trope to be one of your sponsors' websites!
00:41:54.000 Like, duh!
00:41:56.000 If you're not fired for that! 1.00
00:41:59.000 What the fuck if you're not fired for this what the fuck are you fired for? 1.00
00:42:07.000 This is worse than sleeping in this is like as bad as it gets Like who said yep, that's good. 1.00
00:42:16.000 Let's put this what you didn't check you didn't check He sent it as a read and then the read is fucking Shylock Jew of our clients 1.00
00:42:26.000 Like, dude, you couldn't be a better saboteur. 1.00
00:42:29.000 And by the way, if you're an ad sales dude, and people assume that you're a brilliant saboteur, you probably suck. 1.00
00:42:37.000 You're probably really bad at your job. 1.00
00:42:41.000 Wow!
00:42:43.000 Well, but anyway, thank you, Gold Coat, for sponsoring the site.
00:42:48.000 I'm sorry that you've had to suffer through this incompetence.
00:42:52.000 I mean, this ad's free, by the way.
00:42:54.000 I'm not charging you for this one.
00:42:56.000 But the Biden administration has already printed more money in the past two years than the previous 100 years combined.
00:43:02.000 National debt just hit a record $30 trillion, and inflation is the highest we've seen since 1982.
00:43:06.000 It's only a matter of time before the house of cards comes crashing down.
00:43:11.000 If you have retirement savings, your money could be at serious risk.
00:43:14.000 Talk to my friends at Gold Co.
00:43:16.000 to see how you can protect your retirement with gold and silver before it's too late.
00:43:20.000 Go to GavinLovesGold.com and they will give you up to $10,000 in free silver when you open an account.
00:43:27.000 That's Gavin Loves Gold.
00:43:30.000 I think you'll know if you got the right page.
00:43:32.000 You might know the difference.
00:43:34.000 If there's swastikas on the site, 0.85
00:43:37.000 Probably not for you or 99.9% of the population. 0.98
00:43:43.000 If there's a nice graphic with silver and that stuff and in God we trust, yeah, you're probably at the right fucking place. 0.94
00:43:50.000 If there's one guy around that I could laugh at their incompetence, that makes me so happy to think about it. 0.94
00:43:57.000 Oh my god, you're Steve Bannon compared to him.
00:43:59.000 That's why I want him to stay so bad.
00:44:02.000 Not only do I like the guy, it's entertaining.
00:44:04.000 Sorry.
00:44:05.000 You never know what you're gonna get.
00:44:06.000 Sorry.
00:44:07.000 Worst case scenario, things go smoothly.
00:44:11.000 Dude, if that guy is like a Kartenark genius, 1.00
00:44:18.000 Then I want to meet him.
00:44:21.000 Let's make a list of all the things he said.
00:44:23.000 The Bears are on the background.
00:44:24.000 He's got the show playing.
00:44:25.000 We could hear the echoing of the last drop we just dropped.
00:44:31.000 I'm trying to keep my temper down because it is our five year anniversary today. 0.99
00:44:37.000 This is a Scary Perry, Cartner fucking dude. 0.98
00:44:37.000 You're right. 0.98
00:44:41.000 Now, in my defense, I was not in charge of sponsorships.
00:44:47.000 I gave that to someone else at the company.
00:44:49.000 I was like, look, I'll do reads.
00:44:50.000 You find it.
00:44:51.000 I'm not a sales guy. 0.95
00:44:52.000 I suck at that.
00:44:53.000 He's like, don't worry, I got it. 0.98
00:44:55.000 So the guy who I just called, dude, you're in trouble too.
00:44:59.000 Cause you allowed for this unbelievable incompetence. 0.99
00:45:02.000 Wait, how long has that fucking Shylock graphic been up? 1.00
00:45:06.000 Before I was in the hospital, it was up. 0.99
00:45:06.000 Couple of weeks. 0.99
00:45:13.000 And it never changed on the read.
00:45:14.000 It was always Gavin likes gold.
00:45:16.000 So we're directed to that.
00:45:19.000 Well, yeah, but we caught that and we would say Gavin loves gold.
00:45:22.000 Right.
00:45:22.000 And then I would get mad when I saw Gavin likes gold was still on the piece of paper.
00:45:25.000 How you remember is I love gold from gold member.
00:45:29.000 But even that became a little tricky.
00:45:31.000 You shouldn't have to remember.
00:45:32.000 It should just be the right URL.
00:45:34.000 This is the problem with being a prankster.
00:45:38.000 Like I love dishing it out.
00:45:39.000 Not a big fan of taking it. 1.00
00:45:42.000 I hate this fucking shit! 1.00
00:45:43.000 I'm a hypocrite. 1.00
00:45:45.000 I want to hit shit with my golf club. 1.00
00:45:47.000 I don't want my shit hit with a golf club. 1.00
00:45:49.000 I hate this fucking shit! 1.00
00:45:51.000 With tears in your eyes? 1.00
00:45:54.000 It was a joke!
00:45:55.000 I was here, it's a joke!
00:45:57.000 Dude, I just watched when Sal, no Vito, fell in love with that dude with the Johnny Cakes. 0.98
00:46:05.000 I showed it to Anthony and he's like, this is the gayest thing that's ever been on TV, including Rent, Gay Porn. 1.00
00:46:12.000 You haven't seen Dahmer. 0.99
00:46:14.000 Dahmer is pretty gay. 0.99
00:46:15.000 No, but have you seen the Johnny Cakes episode? 0.98
00:46:16.000 Of course! 0.99
00:46:17.000 Vito falls in love with this fucking guy who works at a diner with a handlebar mustache and then he sees a fire and the dude shows up on a Harley to fight the fire. 1.00
00:46:30.000 He puts on the fire hat, he saves like a kid and Vito's just sitting there with a boner. 1.00
00:46:35.000 Oh boy. 0.99
00:46:35.000 It's so over-the-top gay. 0.99
00:46:38.000 It's so over-the-top gay I couldn't even tell if it was Vito's fantasy or if this was really happening. 1.00
00:46:44.000 Cuz you don't see a lot of firemen show up on fucking Harley's. 0.99
00:46:48.000 I love you Johnny cakes Now we're gonna get sucked in bullets try not to It's clear 0.99
00:46:58.000 First time here, try the Johnny Cakes. 1.00
00:47:00.000 Next time I'm at a diner and someone says, first time here, try the Johnny Cakes, I'm gonna say, fuck you, faggot! 1.00
00:47:06.000 Let me guess, you're Harleys outside? 1.00
00:47:08.000 What, you looking at my cock, you fucking homo? 1.00
00:47:12.000 Uh, no, we sell Johnny Cakes? 1.00
00:47:15.000 So he's a fireman and works as a short order cook in a diner?
00:47:17.000 Yeah, firemen make pretty good money. 1.00
00:47:22.000 And we know you're not paying for a divorce, cause you're gay. 1.00
00:47:26.000 Yeah, look at him pouring those eggs onto us. 1.00
00:47:28.000 Like, even a straight guy wouldn't get that horny for any sort of shape of check. 0.99
00:47:32.000 Oh, I'd have a boner right now. 0.98
00:47:33.000 He looks like Terry Richardson. 0.78
00:47:35.000 I'd have a boner for him.
00:47:36.000 Terry.
00:47:38.000 I just told a Terry joke to my kid this morning. 0.99
00:47:42.000 Well, maybe he's gay. 0.79
00:47:42.000 You ever thought of that? 0.79
00:47:43.000 If you're American when you're outside of the bathroom, what are you when you're inside the bathroom? 0.94
00:47:48.000 European.
00:47:49.000 European.
00:47:50.000 Wait, go back to the Harley scene.
00:47:52.000 Do we pass it?
00:47:55.000 Yeah, you did.
00:47:55.000 The clapping was him rescuing the baby.
00:47:58.000 He shows up with his gear on.
00:47:58.000 There he is.
00:48:01.000 Nice.
00:48:03.000 Isn't it funny, the difference that we are with women and gays?
00:48:15.000 Like we want women in lingerie alone at home like they just got out of the bath or something and they're just lying there being zombies and men and girls I mean gays and girls are like 1.00
00:48:27.000 I want him riding a motorcycle, saving lives.
00:48:30.000 He needs props. 1.00
00:48:31.000 Yeah, he has to do all this shit. 1.00
00:48:32.000 We're like, our sexual desires are just like, don't do shit. 1.00
00:48:36.000 Don't read a book. 1.00
00:48:37.000 It's either a sexual fantasy or a Joe Tonelli story.
00:48:43.000 Literally the same life. 0.65
00:48:45.000 Oh my God, maybe he got this from this.
00:48:48.000 He's like, you guys should try, we know if Joe ever says like, you guys ever tried Johnny Cakes?
00:48:52.000 Oh Jesus.
00:48:53.000 This is Vito's inner monologue. 1.00
00:48:55.000 I'll eat your ass. 1.00
00:48:56.000 Oh, he's sitting there tapping his hand. 1.00
00:48:58.000 I looked up today, by the way, I looked up a bunch of shit that where corporations had had to pay a billion dollars because that was Alex Jones' fine for probably... 960 billion or something? 0.94
00:49:10.000 Yeah, probably being incorrect about Sandy Hook. 0.99
00:49:14.000 Probably calling bullshit on something that was probably not bullshit.
00:49:20.000 What should the fine for that be? 0.97
00:49:21.000 The fine for that should be zero dollars.
00:49:23.000 You're setting a hell of a precedent here. 0.99
00:49:26.000 How many times have we all been wrong about shit? 0.99
00:49:29.000 It's now a billion dollar fine for being wrong? 0.99
00:49:33.000 What? 0.99
00:49:34.000 Joe Biden must be fucking fined a trillion dollars. 0.99
00:49:38.000 I thought the chick from Game of Thrones, who was a Targaryen... Targaryen! 0.99
00:49:46.000 It's Solo I think it's called, right?
00:49:47.000 Solo? 1.00
00:49:48.000 What the fuck's your name? 1.00
00:50:03.000 Super gorgeous pants. 1.00
00:50:05.000 I believe that's her birthing.
00:50:09.000 Well, if you go to BubbanHanks.com.
00:50:14.000 Promo code NaziGold. 0.73
00:50:18.000 Promo code Shylock.
00:50:19.000 Gavin likes Shylock. 1.00
00:50:21.000 You'll see who I'm talking about.
00:50:24.000 No, look up.
00:50:24.000 It's probably in the trailer for a solo.
00:50:26.000 I'm looking it up here.
00:50:27.000 Amelia Clark.
00:50:28.000 Amelia Clark.
00:50:28.000 So find the solo thing.
00:50:31.000 She's as hot as that. 1.00
00:50:32.000 I didn't mean to shout you out.
00:50:35.000 Kimbra.
00:50:36.000 Kimbra.
00:50:36.000 She's as hot as Kimbra in that movie.
00:50:39.000 I was like, OK, well, I'm killing my wife and I'm stalking her. 0.82
00:50:43.000 I'm going to pretend that I'm 0.85
00:50:46.000 I still own vice and I want to do a cover story I googled it.
00:50:50.000 It says that you long gone. 0.99
00:50:53.000 Yeah, that's a ruse It's a fucking joke. 0.99
00:50:56.000 It's a joke my mouse died. 0.99
00:50:59.000 So this is as good as a mouse died. 0.96
00:51:01.000 Yeah It's not even clicking anymore What the fuck cuz it's out of batteries no, I would have told me a low battery I 0.98
00:51:11.000 I'm just clicking around helplessly. 0.98
00:51:12.000 All right.
00:51:13.000 Well, this does not make for great television.
00:51:15.000 Well, there she is. 0.87
00:51:15.000 I can't remember the last time I watched Tucker and heard a guy going, uh, Tucker, my mouse broke. 0.87
00:51:21.000 Martina Marcotta Light is now on the screen.
00:51:27.000 Click on an all Emilia Clarke scenes on Solo.
00:51:31.000 Get another mouse.
00:51:32.000 Go get my mouse from my office.
00:51:35.000 This is my other computer.
00:51:37.000 OK, so find all Emilia Clarke scenes.
00:51:42.000 Alright, I wish I was that guy in the vest.
00:51:43.000 I can't really see what's going on.
00:51:47.000 Is there a bone structure?
00:51:50.000 I can't really see anything.
00:51:55.000 It's a very dark movie.
00:51:57.000 Literally.
00:51:57.000 Maybe that's why I thought she was so hot in this.
00:52:02.000 I couldn't fucking see her. 0.99
00:52:13.000 There we go. 0.99
00:52:14.000 That's a perfect ten, right?
00:52:16.000 No.
00:52:17.000 I gotta see the bod.
00:52:19.000 You what?
00:52:20.000 I gotta see her body. 0.99
00:52:23.000 I think it's pretty reasonable.
00:52:24.000 You can tell she's not a thug.
00:52:25.000 Oh, yeah, definitely.
00:52:27.000 What do you think about this?
00:52:28.000 There can be eights that you feel a four-level attraction to.
00:52:32.000 What?
00:52:33.000 Oh, yeah.
00:52:33.000 Lady Gaga.
00:52:34.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:52:35.000 Lady Gaga, Katy Perry.
00:52:37.000 Both eights. 1.00
00:52:38.000 My dick is, like, not interested. 1.00
00:52:39.000 I feel a three for her. 1.00
00:52:43.000 Really?
00:52:43.000 Yes.
00:52:44.000 Well, that's because you've seen the thing we're about to show, which we discussed many times.
00:52:49.000 But I'm using it as an example.
00:52:50.000 So I said, she's a 10. 0.99
00:52:52.000 She's perfect. 1.00
00:52:53.000 Kill your wife and kids on Christmas Day, just for the courtesy of kissing one of her butt cheeks. 1.00
00:52:58.000 Nice. 1.00
00:52:59.000 Then she did a song. 0.98
00:53:02.000 With those shoes! 1.00
00:53:06.000 She's got no bra.
00:53:07.000 She looks like a friend's little sister.
00:53:10.000 I hate how the Coldplay guy said, it's racist if you do a Jamaican accent, but you can have the tonation.
00:53:36.000 Why is it racist to do a Jamaican accent?
00:53:41.000 What?
00:53:42.000 Why is it racist to do a Jamaican accent?
00:53:43.000 It's not my rules.
00:53:45.000 It's just a thing.
00:53:46.000 She reminds me of my friend John's little sister who would come around when we're all high and just be weird. 0.99
00:53:51.000 Ryan, that doesn't give anyone any context.
00:53:55.000 That puts her in the four zone for me. 0.99
00:53:56.000 She looks like a fucking hot 48 year old. 1.00
00:54:01.000 Yeah, what's happening there? 1.00
00:54:03.000 The very scary end.
00:54:05.000 Blech. 0.99
00:54:11.000 Can I just watch kiddie porn instead? 0.99
00:54:14.000 That would be an upgrade. 0.99
00:54:15.000 So anyway, I was wrong about that woman's sex appeal. 1.00
00:54:19.000 I have to pay $0.
00:54:20.000 That's the way it should be.
00:54:23.000 Alex, $964 million.
00:54:26.000 And I saw, I was looking at things today.
00:54:28.000 Count Dankula was coming up with the different things people had to pay that fine for.
00:54:33.000 It's always a corporation that's massive.
00:54:35.000 Right.
00:54:36.000 A multi-billion dollar corporation and it's always for like a gas spill that killed 15,000 people or a pharmaceutical company lying about the drug and getting people hooked on Oxycontin or whatever.
00:54:51.000 What's this?
00:54:52.000 What are you showing Ryan?
00:54:56.000 This is the, on the same level of the Emila Clarke song.
00:55:03.000 This is her.
00:55:04.000 Look at the little hand.
00:55:04.000 That's not her.
00:55:05.000 Looks like a dark crystal puppet.
00:55:07.000 That's not the same girl.
00:55:07.000 No, but this is the same energy.
00:55:19.000 This is Jewish rap.
00:55:20.000 This is L.A.
00:55:22.000 Jew rap. 0.75
00:55:23.000 This is GavinLikesGold.com level.
00:55:26.000 If you go to GavinLikesGold right now.
00:55:29.000 Dude, I'll never know, by the way, I will never know if that guy was just a genius prankster.
00:55:36.000 We have to have a vote to see if he comes back up.
00:55:52.000 Oh, this guy's getting real violent, this Lazy Bones.
00:55:56.000 In the video, I don't know if you can pull this up, but he has a new magnet that he sticks on cars.
00:56:00.000 By the way, folks at home, if you don't know what I'm talking about, Cartnark is a gentleman who volunteers to go to various stores and antagonize people who don't put their cart away.
00:56:11.000 Yeah, this is the one.
00:56:14.000 And if they don't put their card away, he puts a magnet on their card that calls them a lazybones.
00:56:20.000 But he has a new one for people who advocate for this behavior and he calls them lazybone allies.
00:56:27.000 There's no reason to do this.
00:56:29.000 He doesn't make a penny.
00:56:30.000 He risks his life on a daily basis.
00:56:33.000 Turn it up.
00:56:33.000 Turn it up.
00:56:36.000 You know what they call those magnets?
00:56:40.000 Magnet cartas.
00:56:41.000 I just made that up.
00:56:43.000 Did you get shot?
00:57:00.000 I got a crushed ball in my foot too, okay?
00:57:02.000 I got a first car in my foot too, okay?
00:57:06.000 What's he saying?
00:57:07.000 It's life and death for the carts!
00:57:10.000 Sir?
00:57:12.000 I like your chains, by the way.
00:57:13.000 I like your chains, by the way?
00:57:16.000 Yeah, did he make his voice more grating?
00:57:18.000 He sounds like that dude, that hacker guy who pretends to be an old lady and catches Indian hackers and exposes them. 0.82
00:57:24.000 You know that guy?
00:57:26.000 He's got some filter on his computer that's like, I'm just trying to help out.
00:57:31.000 That guy rules too.
00:57:33.000 Get out your car and litter.
00:57:34.000 You couldn't have taken the cart where it belongs?
00:57:37.000 That guy just got out of jail for about 12 years for murder.
00:57:42.000 He's like, I'm not going back.
00:57:44.000 I can't. 1.00
00:57:46.000 That people treat me like shit. 0.99
00:57:47.000 You need to get these guys off your parking lot, man. 1.00
00:58:04.000 Oh, he's trying to talk to the security.
00:58:06.000 We need to talk to these fellas. 1.00
00:58:11.000 He's leaving his cards in the handicapped. 0.99
00:58:13.000 What's my problem gonna be?
00:58:14.000 But I'm an old man!
00:58:20.000 Oh, I get it.
00:58:22.000 He's not on rollerblades, he's on a walker, and he's disguised himself as an old man.
00:58:28.000 Wow.
00:58:28.000 Yeah, that's why you see a cardigan when he puts his hand out.
00:58:31.000 Wow.
00:58:33.000 That's great.
00:58:34.000 See, this is who our ad sales guy is.
00:58:37.000 It might be the same dude.
00:58:40.000 I've never seen Cartnark.
00:58:40.000 Cartnark has been running our podcast sponsors.
00:58:42.000 Has he ever gotten caught and beat up?
00:58:45.000 No.
00:58:45.000 He's been told to turn around and walk away.
00:58:47.000 Gary Perry tried to beat him up and fell chasing him.
00:58:51.000 He talks like Joe Biden.
00:58:53.000 Hey! 0.99
00:59:21.000 You better take ash somewhere.
00:59:22.000 It's not a joke.
00:59:23.000 It's not a joke, man.
00:59:24.000 That's not hyperbole.
00:59:25.000 Think about what you think.
00:59:26.000 Made in America.
00:59:28.000 I got two words.
00:59:29.000 Made in America.
00:59:30.000 I got hairy legs and a broken foot.
00:59:32.000 There's one word that sums up America.
00:59:42.000 Look.
00:59:43.000 You know the thing.
00:59:45.000 We gotta.
00:59:46.000 Look, man.
00:59:47.000 Come on, man.
00:59:49.000 Look, there's two.
00:59:51.000 I did everything I said I was going to run on.
00:59:54.000 Please just take me out of here.
00:59:56.000 I want to play golf.
00:59:58.000 Please. 0.98
00:59:58.000 I don't know why I fucking ran for president. 0.98
01:00:00.000 Wouldn't that be awesome at a press conference? 1.00
01:00:02.000 I don't know why the fuck I ran for president. 0.99
01:00:04.000 You should do it. 0.95
01:00:05.000 I'm really sorry.
01:00:06.000 Right now.
01:00:07.000 I don't like this.
01:00:09.000 I have not understood one thing any of you have said.
01:00:11.000 I didn't know one thing I signed.
01:00:13.000 The speeches are just gobbledygook.
01:00:17.000 They might as well be Chinese. 1.00
01:00:18.000 I can barely get through them.
01:00:19.000 I love golf.
01:00:21.000 I love my place in Delaware.
01:00:23.000 I really enjoy the show Matlock.
01:00:26.000 I like modern shows too.
01:00:28.000 I love this comedian Jim Carrey.
01:00:31.000 Have you seen Cable Guy?
01:00:33.000 Hilarious!
01:00:33.000 Cable Guy!
01:00:36.000 So, uh, without further to do, uh, I would like to say I am officially resigning as president.
01:00:43.000 I haven't told anyone this, by the way. 0.99
01:00:44.000 They think I'm doing a talk about climate change, but, uh, yeah, I knew they would try to talk me out of it and shoot more fucking Adderall up my ass. 0.99
01:00:52.000 I don't like that drug, by the way. 0.99
01:00:53.000 I, I'm a fucking chatty Kathy for an hour and then I'm in bed for three days. 0.99
01:00:58.000 So I'm done. 0.98
01:01:00.000 Um, I'm never doing this.
01:01:02.000 I'm going to die soon, obviously.
01:01:03.000 So I'm obviously never doing this again, but.
01:01:05.000 I feel like I let a lot of people down.
01:01:08.000 And I know I ruined my legacy.
01:01:10.000 I was kind of known as a ballsy, tough guy who threw everyone in jail.
01:01:13.000 I liked that legacy.
01:01:15.000 Kamala had it too. 0.99
01:01:16.000 We don't tolerate drugs and we'll throw blacks in jail. 1.00
01:01:19.000 I don't want a racial jungle. 0.99
01:01:20.000 I was kind of racist.
01:01:22.000 And that was kind of cool. 1.00
01:01:24.000 But this asshole, if you don't vote for me, you ain't black. 1.00
01:01:26.000 That's, I'm floundering. 1.00
01:01:28.000 So, anyway. 0.90
01:01:31.000 I hate Trump, by the way.
01:01:32.000 I hope he doesn't come back in, but that's not my fight to fight.
01:01:37.000 DeSantis seems okay.
01:01:38.000 That Tulsi Gabbard chick's okay.
01:01:41.000 I guess, who do we have?
01:01:42.000 I don't really care.
01:01:43.000 That's the whole thing. 0.96
01:01:45.000 I don't fucking care anymore. 0.97
01:01:47.000 And if you want me to be brutally honest, I never cared. 0.99
01:01:51.000 I liked being vice president.
01:01:52.000 That seemed cool because it got Jill horny. 1.00
01:01:55.000 But yeah, even vice president Obama made fun of me all the time.
01:02:00.000 He treated me like a second class citizen. 1.00
01:02:02.000 He's a fucking snob. 1.00
01:02:03.000 I didn't like that guy. 1.00
01:02:05.000 I'm not racist.
01:02:05.000 I'm not going to call him an N. But I'm more likely to call him like a snob.
01:02:10.000 He's like a snobby academic.
01:02:13.000 So my job has been a joke, I would say, for the past 20 years.
01:02:20.000 First 30 years I liked, and I wish I'd retired then. 0.95
01:02:23.000 Anyway, I don't know why the fuck I'm president, and I probably already talked too long. 0.94
01:02:27.000 And you'll notice I'm wearing a Let's Go Brandon shirt. 0.98
01:02:30.000 That's kind of the point.
01:02:31.000 Anyway, that's why he was stuttering that whole time.
01:02:34.000 Because he was faking it.
01:02:35.000 Now he's no stutters in this speech.
01:02:37.000 Sorry, guys.
01:02:38.000 We've had a lot of different presidents over the years.
01:02:40.000 We've made a lot of mistakes.
01:02:42.000 I don't know if we should have gone into World War Two, to be honest.
01:02:44.000 Vietnam, obvious huge accident.
01:02:46.000 Cuban Missile Crisis.
01:02:48.000 We've had some flubs and I'm a human flub.
01:02:51.000 Hopefully I can vindicate my legacy by being honest right now.
01:02:54.000 This is the last time you're going to see me.
01:02:56.000 I'm going home. 0.99
01:02:57.000 The Clintons might kill me. 1.00
01:02:58.000 I don't give a fuck. 1.00
01:03:00.000 My son's dead. 1.00
01:03:02.000 My other son's a complete useless drug addict fuckhead that ruined my legacy again. 1.00
01:03:08.000 Made it even worse. 1.00
01:03:10.000 So yeah.
01:03:10.000 Anyway.
01:03:11.000 Sorry.
01:03:12.000 Buh-bye. 0.98
01:03:13.000 Peace.
01:03:26.000 I'd be like, fair game, Joe.
01:03:28.000 Fair game.
01:03:29.000 Well played.
01:03:30.000 Well played, mate.
01:03:31.000 Well played.
01:03:33.000 Not bad, geez.
01:03:34.000 Bring the country to the brink of World War III and nuclear war and bow out.
01:03:38.000 Yeah, people are like, whoa, whoa, what about Ukraine?
01:03:41.000 That's getting heavy.
01:03:44.000 Sorry.
01:03:45.000 It is?
01:03:45.000 Yes.
01:03:47.000 It's a tumultuous time in the world.
01:03:49.000 We've passed a billion, a trillion, a $75 million, a billion... I thought he was Jacob Zuma.
01:03:55.000 Right.
01:03:55.000 And the energy problem, we're going to deal with the whole notion of global warming.
01:04:00.000 We passed $368 billion worth of help, which, as the same bankers talk about, is going to bring a trillion, $700 billion off the sidelines of investment.
01:04:13.000 You know what's scary?
01:04:14.000 I understood that.
01:04:16.000 We've passed $360 billion put aside for various projects.
01:04:22.000 And as Wall Street agrees, that's going to take $750 billion, almost a trillion, off the sidelines and back into the economy.
01:04:38.000 That I don't like. 0.99
01:04:39.000 When I start speaking Joe, you know you're fucking losing it. 1.00
01:04:42.000 Who are you? 1.00
01:04:44.000 I'm like E.T.
01:04:46.000 He's Elliot.
01:04:48.000 We just touch fingers and I understand him.
01:04:50.000 I understood that one too.
01:04:52.000 I'm embarrassed to admit.
01:05:00.000 Okay, wow.
01:05:01.000 Lots of blabbing.
01:05:02.000 We had to deal with Cartnark.
01:05:05.000 Firing Cartnark as our ad sales guy.
01:05:08.000 I sent him tons of pictures.
01:05:10.000 Yeah, that, that.
01:05:13.000 I don't know why he chose that one.
01:05:14.000 The bears in the background. 1.00
01:05:17.000 That's a fucking giveaway. 0.99
01:05:18.000 He says, dude, they're great guys. 1.00
01:05:19.000 I know that guy.
01:05:20.000 He likes you.
01:05:21.000 Why would he do that?
01:05:22.000 But then he tried to spin like he was like, you know, doing good work.
01:05:27.000 I would never do that to you.
01:05:28.000 Yeah.
01:05:29.000 Yeah.
01:05:30.000 He's like, why are you mad at me?
01:05:31.000 Why are you yelling at me? 0.99
01:05:32.000 Well, the easy part of this is whether he's a prankster or incompetent, that fucking, today's blunders are obviously grounds for firing. 1.00
01:05:40.000 That's easy. 0.99
01:05:41.000 So we're good there. 0.91
01:05:42.000 But now I got to sort of sit, you know, when you, you know, when you fucking come to these conclusions, 6am, the sun is coming up, you're lying in bed and you go, 0.99
01:05:55.000 Dude, he fuckin' blah, blah, blah. 0.98
01:05:59.000 Like when Tony Soprano was sitting at the diner and he goes, Wait a minute, when he was dressed as Santa, Saul was wearing a wire. 0.99
01:06:10.000 That's why he showed up already dressed as Santa.
01:06:14.000 So he could have the wire on already. 0.93
01:06:16.000 And that's why he freaked the fuck out when someone touched his costume.
01:06:19.000 Cause they'd feel the wire and he goes, Hey! 1.00
01:06:21.000 The fuck off the costume! 1.00
01:06:22.000 Don't touch it! 1.00
01:06:24.000 That's why he was being such a dick and that's why he went straight to talking about business when he sat down with me and that's why he threw the bottle of booze at the jukebox. 0.98
01:06:34.000 I always name drop David Cross but he told me once that he was at a party and he was like dancing ska to a song and these two people come up to him and they're like, hey man, what's that dance you're doing? 0.99
01:06:48.000 And he's like, oh, I'm skanking.
01:06:51.000 And they go, how do you, that's a cool dance.
01:06:53.000 How do you do that dance? 0.69
01:06:54.000 He's like, oh, it's really just sort of jogging on the spot.
01:06:57.000 And then you sort of have, and you go with the music and you sort of dance, you sort of jog on the spot.
01:07:02.000 And it's like a ska thing.
01:07:04.000 It's from Britain.
01:07:05.000 It's from the ska, the specials, you know, like English beat and all that.
01:07:08.000 And they go, oh, cool.
01:07:10.000 That's amazing.
01:07:11.000 And he said, he goes to bed that night and then he wakes up at like six in the morning and goes,
01:07:16.000 Oh, they were making fun of me.
01:07:18.000 He was just caught up in the moment dancing, feeling good.
01:07:24.000 Yeah.
01:07:25.000 Plus when you're wasted and you're all trustworthy.
01:07:28.000 But like, I feel like I'm going to wake up at six in the morning and think of him going, yeah, the bears are out in the back.
01:07:32.000 He's probably not even from Chicago.
01:07:34.000 Sorry if you hear curse words.
01:07:36.000 Sorry if you hear curse words.
01:07:37.000 Like, come on, dude.
01:07:38.000 Yeah.
01:07:39.000 Yeah.
01:07:39.000 That's trucking.
01:07:41.000 Sorry if you're any cursing back there.
01:07:43.000 Dude, if this is a prank, that comedian... I hope you have a good career, dude.
01:07:48.000 Like, I hope you're Karnark levels in your career, because you're a fucking genius. 0.97
01:07:53.000 You're like, um... What's his name on Stern? 0.99
01:07:56.000 Stinky Shoes?
01:07:59.000 Sour Shoes.
01:07:59.000 Sour Shoes!
01:08:01.000 You're Sour Shoes level of talent and I hope you're paying the bills but Sour Shoes is so talented that he's also nuts.
01:08:08.000 I think he lives in his parents basement and just like does perfect imitations all day.
01:08:13.000 So pretending to have this job is holding you back.
01:08:17.000 It's a wasted long con that you just... No, it's great on your resume and whatever your next job is, you deserve it.
01:08:27.000 It should be good.
01:08:28.000 And this is, if you're a liberal, by the way, this is a good thing to put on your resume. 0.99
01:08:31.000 I fucked over Gavin McCabe. 0.98
01:08:35.000 I was his head of sales and I made one of his clients a Nazi site. 1.00
01:08:43.000 Jesus Christ.
01:08:44.000 Congratulations, dude.
01:08:45.000 Good diss.
01:08:46.000 All right.
01:08:47.000 So you know how this goes.
01:08:49.000 We go behind the paywall shortly.
01:08:51.000 We usually go away. 0.99
01:08:52.000 We used to do a half hour before the paywall, but this is fucking nuts. 0.89
01:08:57.000 Now we're an hour and 15 minutes. 0.92
01:09:01.000 We take calls.
01:09:02.000 We have a super chat.
01:09:03.000 The super chat is raising money for Max and John.
01:09:06.000 We're up to almost 20 grand.
01:09:07.000 We have not read one yet.
01:09:09.000 We've not read one.
01:09:10.000 They're easy to get through, though.
01:09:12.000 We 100% guarantee we will read the $100 ones, but we will make the other ones appear.
01:09:24.000 And how you do that?
01:09:24.000 You're asking me?
01:09:26.000 Well, I'll tell you.
01:09:27.000 You go to the site, censored.tv on a browser, and you click the live banner, watch live, and you'll notice under the player of this very show, there's a little button here, blue button.
01:09:38.000 You click donate to read a message on air, and then it will pop up in this fashion.
01:09:44.000 Okay, so what's that?
01:09:47.000 10 bucks or zero bucks?
01:09:48.000 My eyes aren't great.
01:09:51.000 If we go from the bottom up, because those are liable to disappear.
01:09:56.000 Like if a new one comes in, the bottom most one will disappear.
01:09:58.000 Okay, so what's the oldest one from today?
01:10:01.000 Kug, $50.
01:10:02.000 Okay. 0.99
01:10:04.000 Gavin, could you please... Dude, this is the smallest for my shitty eyes. 0.97
01:10:08.000 This is the smallest type ever. 0.91
01:10:10.000 You should see my phone.
01:10:12.000 I've seen your phone.
01:10:13.000 Millennials laugh.
01:10:16.000 Gavin, could you please expand on your ideas regarding Trump as being the first punk rock president?
01:10:22.000 I've been saying this since the beginning and yet friends, Brian Eady, cannot seem to understand this. 0.99
01:10:29.000 An outsider with a as much fuck you money as Trump. 0.99
01:10:35.000 Dude, we got to make this type bigger. 1.00
01:10:37.000 This is like I'm at the optometrist right now.
01:10:41.000 Get set at the table does not come along to the come along too often.
01:10:46.000 I believe.
01:10:46.000 Yeah, that's spelled right.
01:10:47.000 You don't have to.
01:10:49.000 Oh, there you go.
01:10:50.000 Yeah, Trump is an outsider. 1.00
01:11:09.000 He is an asshole. 1.00
01:11:11.000 He doesn't follow any of the rules. 1.00
01:11:14.000 He's totally unpredictable.
01:11:16.000 He has zero respect for the establishment.
01:11:18.000 I mean, how many punk rock boxes do you have to check off?
01:11:22.000 He's rich.
01:11:23.000 That's probably not very punk per se, but Johnny Rotten's rich.
01:11:27.000 I don't know.
01:11:29.000 Did he get his money from stealing?
01:11:31.000 Did he get his... Yes!
01:11:32.000 He declared bankruptcy 50 times! 1.00
01:11:35.000 Shut the fuck up. 1.00
01:11:35.000 You go do real estate in New York and get back to me. 1.00
01:11:39.000 And the way he made his money to going through the Bronx getting getting Rent from people in projects when they're not paying their rent.
01:11:47.000 That's pretty fucking badass He's very like boy like sham 69 the business that kind of vibe But how people don't understand that I don't understand 0.66
01:12:01.000 Like, if he said... I mean, I can understand not liking Balsanero. 0.96
01:12:05.000 I fucking love Balsanero. 0.96
01:12:07.000 But I guess I understand how he's an acquired taste. 0.99
01:12:09.000 Trump isn't an acquired taste.
01:12:12.000 He's cotton candy.
01:12:13.000 Like, how do you not like sugar?
01:12:16.000 Balsanero is spicy beef.
01:12:18.000 That's weird.
01:12:19.000 I get it.
01:12:21.000 But anyway, that's all I can do to expand on that.
01:12:25.000 Gavin, what's your opinion on the Polynesians?
01:12:27.000 They're the furthest thing from white people, yet starting in 1000 BC, they travel the entire Pacific Ocean, colonizing Hawaii, New Zealand, Easter Island, using advanced... There's talk of them coming here 800 years before Christopher Columbus. 0.98
01:12:43.000 In what?
01:12:44.000 A hollowed out canoe?
01:12:48.000 Using advanced scientific knowledge and ships, navigation and logistics.
01:12:52.000 They even reached the Americas.
01:12:54.000 There we go.
01:12:54.000 Centuries before Columbus, so the Vikings.
01:12:56.000 Jason Momoa.
01:12:59.000 Just Jason Momoa.
01:13:00.000 Momoa?
01:13:01.000 Momoa.
01:13:02.000 Are they the true master race and are you ashamed to be Scottish in comparison? 0.99
01:13:06.000 Yes.
01:13:06.000 You guys win.
01:13:07.000 Polynesians, you fucking rock. 0.99
01:13:09.000 So anyway, we leave the cheaper ones up there. 1.00
01:13:11.000 You can read them on your own time.
01:13:13.000 We also take calls on Thursdays, get in touch with the people.
01:13:17.000 They tell us what we're doing wrong.
01:13:19.000 They're usually wrong.
01:13:21.000 And we also answer letters.
01:13:26.000 Let's hit a thanks for calling bump.
01:13:29.000 Okay.
01:13:32.000 You are on the air.
01:13:33.000 I'm here to have a conversation. 1.00
01:13:35.000 This is a fucking loser. 1.00
01:13:36.000 You know, I'm here to learn, share, listen, understand why. 1.00
01:13:40.000 Hey, why does everyone get two things?
01:13:42.000 You have one thing.
01:13:43.000 Thank you for calling.
01:13:44.000 It's great hearing from you.
01:13:46.000 All right, next call.
01:13:52.000 We are on the air.
01:13:53.000 Okay, first letter. 0.56
01:13:58.000 It's just confusing here Gavin and Ryan you dumb and then he uses a racial epithet for African Americans, which I don't advocate for The guy who made the Gavin likes gold site is the same dude who did the FOP metals fake page He went to one of your shows Yeah, I met him in Orlando. 0.68
01:14:17.000 That's not what we're talking about, dude That's fun. 0.96
01:14:20.000 We like that guy.
01:14:21.000 He's very funny.
01:14:22.000 I
01:14:22.000 Yeah.
01:14:23.000 If you go to fopmedals.com, not P-H-A-U.
01:14:26.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:14:27.000 That doesn't mean that our guy is not Andy Kaufman. 0.98
01:14:31.000 Just because someone else is fucking with us. 0.99
01:14:35.000 The question here is, is this guy the greatest fucking fuck with us of all? 1.00
01:14:40.000 He used your art in his scheme. 1.00
01:14:43.000 Yeah, that's... Which is funny, and bravo.
01:14:46.000 God, the arrogance of young people drives me insane! 1.00
01:14:49.000 Dude, you fucking idiot! 1.00
01:14:51.000 The guy who made the fake sites, the guy who did another fake site! 1.00
01:14:54.000 Yeah, I know. 0.98
01:14:56.000 But this genius, who fucked with us for five months now, um... I don't even know if Bubba and Hanks exist. 0.99
01:15:03.000 No, I did get meat from them. 1.00
01:15:05.000 Fuck, was it fake meat? 1.00
01:15:07.000 I ate it. 1.00
01:15:08.000 I ate it.
01:15:09.000 Was it good?
01:15:09.000 It seemed pretty good.
01:15:10.000 Was it real?
01:15:11.000 Wasn't that awesome? 0.69
01:15:12.000 He left his number so I figured we- He seemed a little fatty.
01:15:14.000 I figure we can call him.
01:15:15.000 Fats Flavor!
01:15:18.000 He left his number.
01:15:19.000 Who?
01:15:20.000 The guy who just wrote that.
01:15:21.000 Hello?
01:15:22.000 It's Gene.
01:15:23.000 Hey.
01:15:23.000 Hey.
01:15:25.000 Yeah.
01:15:26.000 How's it going?
01:15:28.000 It's good.
01:15:31.000 Who, Ryan?
01:15:33.000 This is Ryan, yeah.
01:15:34.000 So the guy who made that... So you made GavinLikesGold.com.
01:15:38.000 The guy who sent you a bunch of other pictures, I don't know why.
01:15:41.000 We think he might be like a genius prankster sent in to drive me insane.
01:15:50.000 Well, I don't know. 0.99
01:15:52.000 I think it's fucking hilarious, man. 0.96
01:15:53.000 So you think it's a different guy than that spot metal fella? 0.98
01:15:58.000 No, no, no.
01:15:58.000 Wait, who are you?
01:16:00.000 I'm the guy who fucking gave you Joe Biggs' original address and shit, dude. 0.99
01:16:06.000 Ryan, who is this? 0.99
01:16:07.000 He's the guy who wrote the letter.
01:16:09.000 Oh, okay.
01:16:12.000 Yeah, I don't know why we're calling you.
01:16:14.000 You left your number.
01:16:15.000 I just figured.
01:16:15.000 All right.
01:16:15.000 Thanks for calling.
01:16:16.000 Thanks for calling.
01:16:19.000 Yeah.
01:16:20.000 What do you say?
01:16:20.000 I don't know.
01:16:21.000 I'm also a huge fan.
01:16:22.000 And then I faded.
01:16:24.000 We missed Lorraine and Jimmy.
01:16:25.000 They spelled my mother's name right.
01:16:27.000 That's unique.
01:16:30.000 Why are they not on the show?
01:16:31.000 Good point.
01:16:32.000 Let's call mom and dad.
01:16:35.000 Joe Biggs' lawyer, Max and John's lawyer, lawyers, lawyers, cases.
01:16:40.000 Trying to get people freed.
01:16:43.000 718-400-6959.
01:16:43.000 Trying to help people get out of jail.
01:16:46.000 You're on the line.
01:16:47.000 Mom! 0.97
01:16:47.000 718-400-6959. 0.97
01:16:48.000 So you know how to call, you know how to super chat, you know how to email.
01:16:58.000 Mailbag at censored.tv.
01:17:01.000 These are the ways.
01:17:14.000 Three ringy dingys.
01:17:15.000 Hello?
01:17:17.000 Hello?
01:17:17.000 Hello?
01:17:19.000 Hello?
01:17:20.000 Hello?
01:17:21.000 Hello?
01:17:21.000 Hey.
01:17:21.000 Hello?
01:17:23.000 Hi, Mom.
01:17:25.000 Hi, Gabby.
01:17:26.000 How's it going?
01:17:27.000 Good, how are you?
01:17:27.000 Good, good.
01:17:29.000 We're kind of just out for the counting, you know?
01:17:33.000 We're old, we're old.
01:17:35.000 Yeah, I feel bad calling, and I feel even worse for why I'm calling.
01:17:39.000 I was kind of checking in to see if you guys had died yet.
01:17:43.000 Oh, I know.
01:17:44.000 I'm sorry, honey.
01:17:45.000 I'm working on it.
01:17:45.000 I'm working on it.
01:17:46.000 Yeah, don't do it.
01:17:47.000 No rush.
01:17:48.000 No rush.
01:17:48.000 I feel terrible for even asking.
01:17:50.000 I feel like the worst guy ever.
01:17:51.000 That's... I'm sorry.
01:17:52.000 That's okay.
01:17:55.000 I think it's going with you.
01:17:57.000 Pretty good.
01:17:57.000 Pretty good.
01:17:58.000 Uh, I got the kids alone this week.
01:18:01.000 Uh, the wife is away. 0.51
01:18:03.000 It's not that bad.
01:18:04.000 The secret to being a good stay at home dad is you just don't drink.
01:18:08.000 You don't go to the bar and you don't go to the gym.
01:18:10.000 And it gives you like an extra three hours a day.
01:18:13.000 So you're around.
01:18:14.000 What do you mean knocked out by 11 in the morning?
01:18:19.000 He passes out drunk at 11am?
01:18:28.000 No, he just never wakes up.
01:18:30.000 He sleeps all day at that age, you know?
01:18:33.000 Yeah.
01:18:33.000 We're not sure if he's got a pulse or not.
01:18:36.000 We just kind of leave him there and then, you know, if he moves, we'll think that we feed some food in him.
01:18:48.000 Mom, mom, mom.
01:18:49.000 I actually got to focus on more important things right now.
01:18:52.000 I'm sorry.
01:18:53.000 Did you originally get attracted to dad because he reminded you of Steve McQueen?
01:18:59.000 Well, he's pretty far from that. 0.95
01:19:02.000 Well now, now he looks like a turtle with AIDS.
01:19:06.000 But back in 1960.
01:19:10.000 He was like a beautiful flower that you bought at its prime and then from that point on the petals all fall off.
01:19:18.000 Just wilted away.
01:19:19.000 Skinny old stem, you know?
01:19:21.000 When did the petals fall off?
01:19:24.000 Oh, probably after the second year we were married.
01:19:30.000 Did you like, though, that he had a broken nose and he was a hard man in Glasgow and he was a bad boy?
01:19:35.000 Yeah, I guess there was an element of that.
01:19:40.000 It was sort of dangerous to know and dangerous to love.
01:19:44.000 You know what I mean?
01:19:45.000 Why was he dangerous to know and dangerous to love?
01:19:48.000 Did he have a bad rep in the Gorbals?
01:19:53.000 Yes, he did.
01:19:54.000 In his mind.
01:19:56.000 But then he let, when he got involved in any fights, he would let, shove a little Allen in, his older brother, who was smaller.
01:20:04.000 And if he got beat up, he would say, oh, I recognize that guy's technique.
01:20:11.000 I can beat him up.
01:20:12.000 So then he would leap in.
01:20:14.000 And meanwhile, poovy Allen's lying on his back on the floor with a bloody nose.
01:20:20.000 I wouldn't say, I think he didn't play by what,
01:20:24.000 Of rules.
01:20:25.000 So he would use Alan as sort of like fodder to test out what the opponent's techniques were.
01:20:31.000 Exactly.
01:20:32.000 To test their mettle.
01:20:34.000 Plus they were tired after beating up Alan.
01:20:36.000 It's Queensbury rules.
01:20:39.000 That's not right.
01:20:40.000 Yeah, Glasgow's not known for its Queensbury rules.
01:20:43.000 No.
01:20:45.000 You get the heed.
01:20:47.000 If you bend down, you just get the heed.
01:20:51.000 Alright, Mom.
01:20:52.000 Well, thanks for making the show better.
01:20:55.000 Is Dad passed out?
01:20:56.000 He's here.
01:20:56.000 What's he doing?
01:20:58.000 I'm right here.
01:21:00.000 Oh.
01:21:00.000 How you doing, Dad?
01:21:01.000 I'm doing great.
01:21:03.000 We're on this business of Steve McQueen.
01:21:05.000 I used to... Lorraine used to put a pillowcase over my head, then paint a picture of Steve McQueen on it.
01:21:17.000 And she's a great artist, so it probably looked believable.
01:21:21.000 Yeah. 0.85
01:21:22.000 Well, that's the only way we could have sex. 0.72
01:21:23.000 Oh, that's exactly what happened. 0.99
01:21:34.000 Do you remember that time, we won't say her name, but there was a family friend over at our house in Ottawa, and she was complaining about her lack of intercourse, and she said, in her hoser accent, she's like, I can't, I don't get why you two are still fucking together, still fucking for fuck's sakes, and she goes, I'm not getting fucked, my dildo's running out of batteries! 0.99
01:21:56.000 And then, Dad, you said, uh, well, the secret is I put a paper bag over my head. 0.99
01:22:03.000 And Lorraine, um, just pretends I'm whoever comes to mind. 0.89
01:22:09.000 And she was like, I'm fucking serious, Jim. 0.88
01:22:11.000 This isn't a joke. 0.98
01:22:13.000 Remember the time you were having diarrhea at a party, which you guys had every night, even though I had school the next day. 0.99
01:22:21.000 You're listening to fucking Dire Straits and smoking shitty weed with your skin-tight jeans and brown nylons on. 0.99
01:22:28.000 The Sultans of Swing blaring as I begged you all to go to sleep. 1.00
01:22:32.000 And you had chronic diarrhea, as you're wont to do.
01:22:35.000 And Diane, oops, I just said her name. 0.99
01:22:39.000 Oh yeah.
01:22:40.000 She was never discreet.
01:23:07.000 Didn't she leave one of our parties, one of our pool parties, in a bikini and somehow hitchhike home, which was like half an hour away?
01:23:21.000 The reason she wasn't getting laid is she had a grey crew cut. 1.00
01:23:25.000 She looked like she was in the military.
01:23:31.000 Grow your hair long, lady. 0.99
01:23:33.000 Jesus, she was... Her shoulders, she looked like a linebacker. 1.00
01:23:36.000 Jesus. 0.95
01:23:38.000 Well, maybe she was a transgender male. 0.99
01:23:41.000 Maybe.
01:23:42.000 She was a pioneer.
01:23:45.000 Oh, she'll be older age now. 0.94
01:23:49.000 Yeah, like Stefan Nee.
01:23:51.000 Did you see that Toronto guy?
01:23:52.000 He's like seven feet tall.
01:23:54.000 He dumped his wife and his six kids to become a six-year-old girl.
01:23:57.000 Oh, God. 0.99
01:24:00.000 What about the guy with the boobs? 1.00
01:24:04.000 Yeah, I like the theory that he's tricking everyone, and he was getting in shit for being, like, too, you know, right-wing. 0.99
01:24:13.000 So he said, all right, let's play this game. 1.00
01:24:15.000 And he wore those ridiculous tits to fuck with them and they can't fire him. 1.00
01:24:20.000 I'm 50% sure that this is a brilliant prank. 1.00
01:24:23.000 I heard that yesterday.
01:24:24.000 That it was, it was a gag.
01:24:24.000 Yeah.
01:24:28.000 So he can take his case to the Human Rights Commission.
01:24:31.000 Yeah, I love it. 0.99
01:24:33.000 Problem is, we looked up those tits online. 1.00
01:24:35.000 It's like a latex almost vest. 0.98
01:24:38.000 It's almost 500 bucks.
01:24:39.000 It must be so hot.
01:24:41.000 All the sweat that must be pouring out of him.
01:24:43.000 Oh my god, the rashes you must have.
01:24:45.000 Your armpits are growing mold.
01:24:48.000 It must be.
01:24:49.000 What a commitment to the bit though.
01:24:50.000 Very impressive.
01:24:52.000 He probably cut some holes in it.
01:24:55.000 Alright guys, so I gotta go, but I assume the will is in order.
01:24:59.000 God forbid anything should happen to you.
01:25:01.000 I assume that the finances will be pretty easy to... Well, honey, you know, we prefer you, brother.
01:25:11.000 So it's a 60-40 split?
01:25:12.000 So you're, I mean... It's hanging by a thread.
01:25:15.000 You're not out of the will, but as Florine said, you're hanging by a thread.
01:25:23.000 Are we talking $65.35?
01:25:24.000 $90.10?
01:25:24.000 What are we, $95.50?
01:25:25.000 I don't want to go into the details of it, but let me tell you, you'd better start treating us right.
01:25:37.000 I'm not sure what's worse, having to treat you right for the money or just not getting the money. 0.99
01:25:43.000 Well, all you have to do is sign up that you'll wipe my ass. 1.00
01:25:50.000 Keep your fucking money! 1.00
01:25:51.000 Goodbye! 1.00
01:25:54.000 Big Jim. 1.00
01:25:56.000 Fuck that. 1.00
01:25:57.000 Well, thanks for calling. 1.00
01:25:59.000 So we've got 17 calls on the MF line.
01:26:03.000 All right, so let's take one call and then we'll go goodbye.
01:26:06.000 All right.
01:26:08.000 518, you're on the line.
01:26:10.000 518, what's going on?
01:26:11.000 Welcome to Censored WXBR FM.
01:26:17.000 In Cincinnati.
01:26:20.000 Alright man, so I can tell Gavin how artistic you are, how good you are at putting together a show.
01:26:25.000 So I want to say that up front.
01:26:26.000 The big complaint I have 0.99
01:26:40.000 Every episode you talk about transgender people and how fucking disgusting their surgeries are, them getting deformed and it's nasty, and I can't handle it anymore. 1.00
01:26:50.000 It's fucking disgusting. 1.00
01:26:53.000 It makes you want to gag every time you start talking about it. 1.00
01:26:56.000 Okay, so no more talk of the sex change and the cheese blintz dick. 1.00
01:27:00.000 Oh, oh! 1.00
01:27:02.000 What about what Maddie went through with the weird camera soldering iron that went up his femoral artery into his heart?
01:27:11.000 Yeah, less of that.
01:27:12.000 Less of that. 0.96
01:27:13.000 More, you know, talking shit about the hood and all that kind of stuff. 1.00
01:27:18.000 But all these trans people that are that disgusting? 1.00
01:27:21.000 Oh, you gotta tone it down a bit. 0.99
01:27:23.000 Okay, but what about talking about Drag Queen Story Hour and they just had another one and there was kids there?
01:27:28.000 Do I have to drop that?
01:27:30.000 No, I think it needs to be talked about.
01:27:33.000 I think it absolutely needs to be talked about.
01:27:33.000 Of course.
01:27:35.000 It's important.
01:27:36.000 But to the level of detail and... All right.
01:27:41.000 Yeah, we already covered it.
01:27:42.000 Okay. 0.99
01:27:43.000 No more fucking gross sex change talk. 1.00
01:27:45.000 You can go back and watch us do it again. 0.99
01:27:47.000 Anyway, thanks for calling.
01:27:48.000 Good tip.
01:27:48.000 Good tip.
01:27:49.000 Love you.
01:27:49.000 Love you.
01:27:50.000 Good tip. 1.00
01:27:51.000 Speaking of tip, don't they cut the tip of the penis off and they turn that into the clitoris? 1.00
01:27:54.000 Yeah, we have actually a photo of that. 1.00
01:27:57.000 The head of the cock lying in a cold little tub. 1.00
01:28:02.000 I love the shit they put in the thing, like when they're doing a boob job, they cut the nipples off and they put them on these bowls of ice. 1.00
01:28:09.000 They just sit there, these little pepperonis. 1.00
01:28:12.000 You know, when my daughter was born, her nipples were unbelievably small and the same color as her skin. 1.00
01:28:20.000 And my mother-in-law came to visit. 0.93
01:28:23.000 I like her.
01:28:23.000 She doesn't like me.
01:28:25.000 And I was like, let's call her Julie. 0.99
01:28:29.000 And I was like, Julie, where are my daughter's nipples? 0.99
01:28:32.000 And she's like, what? 0.99
01:28:33.000 I don't, I don't. 0.99
01:28:34.000 And I go, you took my daughter's nipple? 1.00
01:28:37.000 That seems weird. 0.99
01:28:37.000 Were you going to sell them in the black market? 0.99
01:28:41.000 And she's like, I don't, I never touched.
01:28:43.000 Did she not find that funny at all?
01:28:45.000 And she's funny.
01:28:46.000 Indians are funny.
01:28:47.000 Ho-Chunks are funny. 1.00
01:28:49.000 So I didn't get why she didn't get it.
01:28:50.000 And then, um. 0.90
01:28:51.000 And it turns out she did steal the nipples.
01:28:54.000 So before she left from her first visit, and she was a great, great mother-in-law, great, great grandma, tended to the kid a lot.
01:29:01.000 I took two pepperonis from the fridge, I put them in a sandwich bag, and I put them in her luggage, like in one of the zip things on the carry-on.
01:29:09.000 How does she not like you?
01:29:10.000 And she's like, OK, well, we're gone.
01:29:11.000 I was like, OK.
01:29:14.000 I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but do you mind if I looked in your bag for one second?
01:29:19.000 And she's like, what?
01:29:21.000 And I go, I kind of have a hunch that something's in there that belongs to us.
01:29:25.000 And she's like, how?
01:29:27.000 Are you out of your mind? 0.79
01:29:28.000 It's like, okay, well, I'll look like a real dummy then if there's nothing there.
01:29:32.000 And she's like, and then she didn't even say yes or no.
01:29:34.000 She was just sort of flabbergasted. 0.99
01:29:36.000 And then I unzipped the first little pocket and I pulled out the sandwich bag and I pulled out the two pepperonis and I was like, what the fuck are these? 0.97
01:29:45.000 And she was like, I don't, I don't know. 0.99
01:29:46.000 And I go, these are Sophie's nipples. 0.98
01:29:50.000 You've had these the whole time? 0.98
01:29:52.000 And she's like, I didn't put those there. 0.99
01:29:55.000 Just like our buddy with fucking. 0.99
01:29:56.000 Is she still not? 0.99
01:29:58.000 I didn't put that sentence there.
01:30:00.000 It just.
01:30:00.000 You're kidding.
01:30:01.000 Showed up.
01:30:02.000 I, I'm looking, look, I got the bears on in the background.
01:30:02.000 Yeah.
01:30:05.000 There's going to be some fucks and shits. 0.99
01:30:07.000 That one is hard to reconcile. 0.99
01:30:09.000 As if he doesn't know the show.
01:30:10.000 Microsoft did it.
01:30:11.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:30:11.000 As if I'm going to be like, hey, why are there some fucks and shits? 1.00
01:30:15.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:30:17.000 All right, let's take another call and then we'll go behind the paywall. 0.90
01:30:19.000 All right, dawg.
01:30:22.000 Nate587, make it good.
01:30:25.000 What's going on, Nate?
01:30:27.000 What's going on, A?
01:30:30.000 All right there, A. So I agree with Gavin on like 90% of things, right?
01:30:35.000 I get that a lot.
01:30:36.000 There's always that 10% that I disagree with.
01:30:37.000 I thought it'd be interesting to have a conversation about one of those things.
01:30:42.000 Okay, hoser. 1.00
01:30:43.000 Okay, abortion, right?
01:30:46.000 I'm personally against abortion, but I'm not against against women doing it. 0.95
01:30:53.000 However, what about capital gains tax? 0.99
01:30:56.000 The course correct this kind of fucking thought culture that we have now. 0.98
01:31:02.000 It would be best if in parallel, men could abort at the same rate as women, for instance, 1.00
01:31:11.000 First trimester, you could choose to abort the baby or the man could choose to financially abort the baby.
01:31:18.000 And I think it would self-correct the market.
01:31:21.000 Capitalist solution.
01:31:22.000 So men don't have to pay for the baby if you didn't get an abortion? 1.00
01:31:27.000 Well, he has the same option, right?
01:31:29.000 So if she goes, well, no, I'm going to baby trap this guy. 1.00
01:31:32.000 And the guy goes, fuck you. 1.00
01:31:33.000 It was a one night stand. 1.00
01:31:34.000 He told me you're on birth control.
01:31:37.000 Yeah, but dude, you're not talking about actual cases that you've experienced.
01:31:46.000 You're talking about a concept.
01:31:47.000 You're being an academic here.
01:31:49.000 You know that in real life if you talk to people who do this,
01:31:52.000 First of all, there's billions and zillions of cases we've all heard of with our friends where she goes, you know what?
01:31:58.000 Don't worry about it.
01:31:59.000 I'm going to keep the baby.
01:32:01.000 It's not your problem.
01:32:02.000 So the financial thing is not a big deal. 1.00
01:32:04.000 And when it is a big deal and she's like, you're going to pay for this, motherfucker. 1.00
01:32:08.000 He never pays for it. 0.99
01:32:10.000 I can't tell you how many even middle class, upper middle class divorce couples I know where he doesn't pay the child support. 0.98
01:32:15.000 He's like fucking six months behind. 0.97
01:32:17.000 Oh, he's going to get arrested, whatever. 0.99
01:32:21.000 It's not really. 1.00
01:32:22.000 Women are not keeping their babies to fuck over dudes. 1.00
01:32:25.000 They get money from the government, the dudes don't pay. 1.00
01:32:28.000 If you're such a miscreant, if you're such a lowlife that you want to use your dude and make him pay, then he tends to not pay. 1.00
01:32:35.000 I don't know, he skips down, he gets in shit. 0.99
01:32:37.000 Anyway, thanks for calling. 1.00
01:32:38.000 That's fucking Canadians being pontificators. 1.00
01:32:42.000 We see that a lot. 1.00
01:32:43.000 Anyway, um...
01:32:45.000 We're going behind the paywall now.
01:32:46.000 We only have 20 minutes left.
01:32:48.000 We usually leave you like an hour and a half ago, but...
01:32:53.000 Goodbye to the freeloaders.
01:32:55.000 I understand you're cheap.
01:32:57.000 It's $10 a month to go to censored.tv.
01:33:00.000 Unlimited content.
01:33:02.000 More content than you should watch.
01:33:04.000 If you watch every single one of our shows, you have a problem.
01:33:07.000 When we started this network, it was only like me doing four hours, five hours a week, five one-hour shows.
01:33:14.000 Now it's like
01:33:16.000 Three or four hours, five hours of content a day.
01:33:19.000 So if you watch all of this, you got to get a life.
01:33:22.000 It is what's going on in the world with a funny take, super positive vibes.
01:33:26.000 We cry when we look at little kids.
01:33:29.000 It's pro family.
01:33:30.000 It's pro fun.
01:33:31.000 And, uh, I think you would be remiss not to at least try it for a month.
01:33:36.000 But, um, if you're not,
01:33:38.000 Then you're getting cut off right now.
01:33:40.000 Come see our shows.
01:33:41.000 We got a show in Chicago coming up on the 20th.
01:33:44.000 I'm going to be at Penn State, much to the left's histrionic chagrin, on the 24th.
01:33:52.000 Just doing normal.
01:33:54.000 They're going to film it.
01:33:55.000 I might put it up here, the Penn State one. 0.99
01:33:58.000 And you're just going to see a normal guy saying normal shit like this while people are outside screaming, Nazi! 1.00
01:34:06.000 Uh, and for all you subscribers, I'll see you fucking tomorrow. 1.00
01:34:09.000 Fuck. 1.00
01:34:10.000 No subscribers. 1.00
01:34:10.000 We'll see her right away. 1.00
01:34:11.000 Well, yeah.
01:34:13.000 Okay.
01:34:13.000 So subscribers, I'll see you in 12 seconds, but, um, uh, I'll also see you tomorrow.
01:34:20.000 And, uh, for all you other people, I'll see you next week.
01:34:22.000 And until then get fired, get in trouble, be brave and never stop fighting.
01:34:31.000 We're all a bit skint at the moment, so to keep things lively, I'll stick to the next round.
01:34:36.000 Get in trouble, be brave and never stop fighting!
01:34:42.000 Violent protests over a speaker on campus here. 1.00
01:34:45.000 Fuck you, Normie. 1.00
01:34:47.000 He is apparently a Canadian writer, actor, comedian. 1.00
01:34:49.000 He's the co-founder of Vice. 1.00
01:34:50.000 Go fuck another vagina, you gross pigs. 1.00
01:34:53.000 Serious XF pulling the plug on Anthony Cumia this week. 1.00
01:34:55.000 You got big fucking tits! 1.00
01:35:05.000 I watched that and I said, this chick's too retarded to fuck. 1.00
01:35:08.000 You shouldn't do it. 1.00
01:35:09.000 They take anything you say and then fucking twist it around. 0.98
01:35:13.000 This is the part of Seth that's going to get real mean before I leave. 1.00
01:35:20.000 No more filthy... You... They think we want to tell those kind of jokes. 1.00