Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - November 04, 2022


GOML LIVE #172 - BOUNCERS IN YOUR PUBES

Hosted by
Gavin McInnes
Mentioned
Ryan Katsu Rivera Sylvia Frank Zappa Matty O'Dell Lady Gaga Giuliani Tammy Conkle John Lennon Billy Joel Joe Biden The Bruce Dickinson Jerry Lewis Pat Dixon Antifa Maddie The Liza Minnelli Michael Douglas Kyle Dunnigan Hillary Clinton Iron Maiden and 83 more
S04E181 - IT'S ALL LOVE S4E183 - SICK MINDS

Episode Stats


Length

1 hour and 16 minutes

Words per minute

157.62

Word count

12,084

Sentence count

1,636

Harmful content

Misogyny

107

sentences flagged

Toxicity

387

sentences flagged

Hate speech

75

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Gavin McInnes and Matty O'Dell are back with a brand new episode of Get Off My Lawn. Gavin is joined by his co-host, Matty, and they talk about a variety of topics, including the death of John Lennon, The Beatles, and much more. Also, Gavin reveals a secret recipe for making boy babies, which Matty may or may not be willing to share. Get off my lawn! Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. All rights reserved. Used by permission. No remixes, unless otherwise specified. This episode was produced and edited by Gavin McInnis. The opinions expressed here are our own, not those of our record labels, and do not necessarily reflect those of any other record labels or record labels. We do not own the rights to any music used in this episode. If you do not like music, please do not listen to this episode if at all possible. Thank you for any amount you can manage to afford. It's a work of art, and we do not endorse any product or service provided by any of the record labels mentioned in the show. Please do not use this episode as a substitute for music, unless it is produced by a record label or other third party. You can be responsible for the use of the music used on the music, or any other product produced by the show is licensed or licensed by the record label. Thanks for listening to the artist. XOXO Records, LLC. - we are a proud owner of this episode is not affiliated with this episode of the show, and all rights reserved to the music is owned by the artist, etc., etc., and all other rights reserved, etc. etc. - the artist is not being compensated for this episode was used in any way possible, other than that of the artist's work being used for this podcast, other non-commercial use, etc.. and we have no claim to use this material being used as such. in any other credit given to be used in the music being provided by the music and any other compensation. by the creator of the song is being compensated. . We are not required to provide any other source other than the artist s credit, other such compensation is said to be compensated for any other such thing is not otherwise noted.

Transcript

Transcripts from "Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:13.000 Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes!
00:00:45.000 That is Nobunny, who is no more.
00:00:48.000 That dude was accused by his label mates of taking advantage of teenage groupies, and he said, yeah, I did.
00:00:59.000 And that was the end of him.
00:01:00.000 That was two years ago.
00:01:02.000 Good jams, though. 0.99
00:01:04.000 And I don't advocate fucking teenage girls, but it has been the norm in rock for quite a while. 0.99
00:01:10.000 She was just 17, if you know what I mean. 0.99
00:01:13.000 You know what I mean.
00:01:16.000 And the way she looked was way beyond compare.
00:01:20.000 How could I dance with another when I saw
00:01:25.000 So, uh, standing there.
00:01:28.000 I met the Beatles in person when they came to Manhattan.
00:01:32.000 And I said to John Lennon, if you're a Beatle, let me see you fly.
00:01:38.000 So he said to Paul McCartney, what do I say to the bird?
00:01:42.000 He said, ask her, does she want our autographs? 0.99
00:01:45.000 And stupid me, I said, no. 0.99
00:01:46.000 You know how much that be worth nowadays? 1.00
00:01:49.000 I'm sure we can look it up.
00:01:51.000 As you may have guessed, Sylvia is here.
00:01:52.000 Of course, we have our co-host, Matty O'Dell.
00:01:55.000 What's up, everybody?
00:01:56.000 Good to see you.
00:01:57.000 We've got our Clown World in Proud Boys colors here.
00:02:01.000 Very alarmingly delectable contrast.
00:02:05.000 It really is aesthetically pleasing, this black and yellow.
00:02:09.000 Especially with the gold.
00:02:11.000 Let's see yours, Ryan.
00:02:13.000 Oh, hell yeah.
00:02:17.000 So as you guys know, our ad sales guy on his watch allowed for one of our clients, Goldco, to have a typo weaponized against us.
00:02:32.000 So it's it was Gavin loves gold, right?
00:02:37.000 Was what it was supposed to be.
00:02:38.000 He sent me Gavin likes gold.
00:02:41.000 One of our either
00:02:42.000 Yeah, one of the baby monsters. 0.93
00:02:44.000 And your friends are your worst enemies. 0.99
00:02:45.000 As Bill Hicks said, they will christen your dumpster.
00:02:49.000 As Ian McKay said, isn't it nice you don't have to look far to find the ones that leave the deepest scar?
00:02:53.000 Look at Anthony.
00:02:54.000 Who trashed his studio?
00:02:56.000 Stevie Lou.
00:02:57.000 Kevin Brennan.
00:02:59.000 Who attacked his host of one of his shows?
00:03:04.000 Gino Biscotti.
00:03:06.000 No, sorry.
00:03:06.000 I got that backwards.
00:03:08.000 Pat Dixon.
00:03:08.000 No, it's on record, so.
00:03:10.000 Can't go back now.
00:03:12.000 And even my life, I'm like, Antifa's threatening me, they're shutting down shows and all that stuff, but like the two people who have hit on my wife in my home are my friends.
00:03:23.000 You know?
00:03:24.000 No bueno.
00:03:25.000 Yeah.
00:03:26.000 Non-buen.
00:03:27.000 You don't have to look far to find the ones who leave the deepest scar.
00:03:30.000 My personal, the people around me that are close to me, look at Shane and Saroosh and Vice, like they've done, my friends have done much more damage in my life than my enemies.
00:03:41.000 For me, it's just death by a thousand paper cuts, you know.
00:03:45.000 What do you mean?
00:03:46.000 Like, I haven't done anything outwardly wrong to you, but just every day I just do a little bit of... Just your life.
00:03:51.000 I'm more mad at your mother for not having an abortion. 1.00
00:03:55.000 Well, this is a pro-life show.
00:03:57.000 I'm pro-life with one exception.
00:03:59.000 The only time Gavin is pro-life is when he has the special secret recipe how to make boy babies. 0.96
00:04:08.000 That he may or may not be willing to share.
00:04:13.000 I'll happily share.
00:04:14.000 I've shared it many times.
00:04:16.000 I was telling Sylvia on the way here that, um, cause she has two twin sisters. 1.00
00:04:22.000 And I said, so three girls in the family, that means your dad has a small dick. 0.99
00:04:27.000 And I made a girl first and I was like, Oh, I want some boys. 0.99
00:04:31.000 So I would do, as I've told you a million times, I'm telling Sylvia now, standing doggy,
00:04:36.000 You get really deep, like you feel the cervix, and then when you jizz, you hold her hips, and you fall down on top of her, collapse with her like a lawn chair, and you wait like a minute.
00:04:46.000 That's how you get a boy. 0.79
00:04:48.000 You drop off the, and then she's like, no, it's the sperm, it's about the sperm, baby. 0.97
00:04:53.000 Way to go.
00:04:54.000 And I go, yeah, it's not, it is about the sperm, but with boys, you've gotta drop it off at the front door, and then ring the doorbell, ding dong, and run away.
00:05:04.000 That's it, I'm out.
00:05:06.000 Anyway, our sales guy, it's one of the funniest moments on the show.
00:05:11.000 Allowed his typo to get hijacked and then they turned into a Nazi like me as Shylock. 0.76
00:05:18.000 Did we show it or no?
00:05:20.000 And that went for weeks.
00:05:23.000 And then he goes, oh, I can't do a Chicago accent.
00:05:28.000 But he's like, yeah, I didn't send them that picture.
00:05:31.000 And I'm like, I know, dude.
00:05:35.000 And to this day, I have no idea if that guy was sent to me as a prank or if he was a genuine employee.
00:05:41.000 And I suspected that from day one.
00:05:44.000 I went to his website and I saw one client and one happy customer. 0.98
00:05:49.000 It looked fucking fake. 0.97
00:05:52.000 We'll never know. 0.97
00:05:52.000 Anyway, he's fired, but we still have to read these because they paid for them. 0.97
00:05:57.000 Is that what it is now?
00:05:58.000 No, this was Fop Medals.
00:06:00.000 Oh, you can show the other one.
00:06:03.000 It's funny.
00:06:05.000 Go DEFCON 3 on poverty this year.
00:06:07.000 Invest in gold.
00:06:12.000 And like, the reason he's fired, assuming he's not just a prankster, is to see that and have it associated with one of our clients and just be like, huh, that's a weird cartoon.
00:06:25.000 I love it.
00:06:26.000 This happened on your watch. 0.99
00:06:27.000 You're either incredibly negligent or a saboteur.
00:06:30.000 Neither are working here anymore.
00:06:34.000 My fellow Americans, if you have an IRA, 401k, or savings account, then I encourage you to contact my friends at Gold Co.
00:06:38.000 That's who we're talking about, right?
00:06:40.000 Yeah.
00:06:41.000 Things are getting scary out there.
00:06:42.000 The Biden administration has already printed much more money, more money in the past two years than the previous 100 years combined.
00:06:48.000 That sounds comical, doesn't it?
00:06:50.000 The national debt just hit a record $30 trillion.
00:06:52.000 I remember when it was 12.
00:06:55.000 You know that building in Times Square where they have the ticker thing and they show the debt just going... 0.97
00:07:00.000 I remember going, holy fuck, it just went from 12 to 13 in a few years. 0.97
00:07:05.000 Now it's 30. 0.99
00:07:06.000 Now it's 30.
00:07:07.000 And inflation is the highest we've seen since 1982.
00:07:11.000 It's only a matter of time before the house of cards comes crashing down.
00:07:15.000 If you have retirement savings, your money could be at serious risk.
00:07:17.000 Talk to my friends at Gold Co.
00:07:19.000 to see how you can protect your retirement with gold and silver before it's too late.
00:07:23.000 Go to, and he always types www.goldco.com.
00:07:28.000 gomlgold.com and Gold Co.
00:07:31.000 will give you $10,000 in free silver when you open a qualified account.
00:07:35.000 That's gomlgold.com.
00:07:38.000 Again, that's gomlgold.com.
00:07:43.000 Possibly our last read from them.
00:07:45.000 Does anyone who does podcast sponsorship let us know?
00:07:48.000 Because we are a ship without a sail.
00:07:51.000 What do you think about Moss taking over Twitter and he may start charging people for it?
00:07:58.000 What do you think of him in general?
00:08:01.000 I love him.
00:08:02.000 I think it's great.
00:08:03.000 What are you eating there?
00:08:03.000 Corn chips?
00:08:06.000 Mattie.
00:08:10.000 Mattie Odell.
00:08:12.000 Did you forget Mattie's name?
00:08:13.000 Tostitos.
00:08:14.000 Tostitos.
00:08:15.000 Oh, you have a new name now.
00:08:17.000 Yes.
00:08:17.000 Oh, you're Tostitos now.
00:08:18.000 I'm Frito the Bandito.
00:08:20.000 Guy goes to Mexico once and he calls himself Tostitos after.
00:08:24.000 I don't know if that's gonna take, man.
00:08:26.000 You can't invent your own nickname.
00:08:26.000 It's tough.
00:08:29.000 It's gotta be given.
00:08:30.000 It's gotta be given, like Baby Monster.
00:08:32.000 That's a good nickname.
00:08:40.000 There you go.
00:08:42.000 Yep, classic Tostitos. 0.98
00:08:44.000 You know what they say south of the border, down Mexico way, there's a crazy American named Matty Oye! 0.97
00:08:53.000 Alright! 0.98
00:08:53.000 Oh! 0.98
00:08:54.000 Spontaneous limericks coming out. 1.00
00:08:57.000 Damn. 1.00
00:08:57.000 She's on fire tonight. 1.00
00:08:59.000 I didn't finish that thing I was saying though about groupies, because I got sidetracked by their Beatles fan over here. 0.99
00:09:05.000 I did a video about this a long time ago that rock stars are fucking underage teens. 0.98
00:09:09.000 And not 17, but 14. 0.99
00:09:11.000 Remember that chick? 1.00
00:09:14.000 When you have kids, like you think 14, oh yeah she's young but probably kinda sexy. 0.87
00:09:19.000 That's what you think when you're like 20.
00:09:21.000 Then you have kids and you're like, 14 is an infant.
00:09:25.000 That's a baby. 0.99
00:09:26.000 Like they look fucking weird with makeup on. 0.99
00:09:29.000 at 14 even 16 they look when they have little kitten heels they're sort of walking they look like a newborn deer yeah they're like barely exactly alive this chick yeah they look like stumble bums yeah that's a little girl that's like she should be playing lacrosse with her friends who's that Roman Polanski 0.99
00:09:52.000 No, that's Jimmy Page.
00:09:54.000 Jimmy Page kidnapped her and held her in a hotel for months.
00:09:59.000 Jesus. 1.00
00:10:01.000 David Bowie fucked her, double teamed her with his wife, threesomed her with his black wife. 1.00
00:10:08.000 And who else? 1.00
00:10:10.000 I think Keith Moon fucked her too. 1.00
00:10:12.000 I think he just mooned her. 1.00
00:10:14.000 What was that?
00:10:15.000 Jerry Lee Lewis married, like, his 14-year-old cousin?
00:10:17.000 Yeah.
00:10:18.000 Liberace.
00:10:21.000 They had, what's his name?
00:10:22.000 Play him.
00:10:23.000 Falling down guy.
00:10:25.000 Michael Douglas.
00:10:25.000 Michael Douglas.
00:10:26.000 And then they had Matt Damon play his lover.
00:10:29.000 Matt Damon, when he made that movie, was 39.
00:10:33.000 When Liberace first met that boy, he was 14.
00:10:35.000 Oh, Jesus.
00:10:38.000 So, yeah. 1.00
00:10:39.000 They've been fucking teens for a while. 0.99
00:10:43.000 Billy Joel is going to be in Madison Square Garden in March. 1.00
00:10:46.000 Microphone, microphone.
00:10:48.000 You're going to put the microphone up?
00:10:49.000 Put up the mic.
00:10:50.000 Billy Joel is going to be in Madison Square Garden in March.
00:10:55.000 What happened?
00:10:57.000 No, he's going to be singing.
00:10:59.000 Oh, OK.
00:10:59.000 He's got a residency there, right?
00:11:01.000 Did you, you said you fucked Billy Joel in the 70s? 0.97
00:11:05.000 He's in his late 70s. 0.99
00:11:07.000 Oh, OK. 1.00
00:11:09.000 So you'll fuck him again just to make the numbers round up. 1.00
00:11:11.000 There you go. 1.00
00:11:12.000 Have you ever fucked Billy Joel, Sylvia? 0.99
00:11:14.000 No, he's not... He's not my type. 0.99
00:11:17.000 Look-wise.
00:11:19.000 What, too white?
00:11:21.000 No, not because he's white. 0.98
00:11:23.000 He's just not a good-looking dude.
00:11:25.000 Look, not everyone can look as good as you and Roy and Mattie here.
00:11:30.000 All three of you are hot-looking men.
00:11:33.000 Who's your type?
00:11:34.000 You told me you like blacks and Hispanics. 0.99
00:11:36.000 You like sort of coffee-colored Hispanics, like Dominicans. 0.99
00:11:39.000 Latino men.
00:11:41.000 Latino men.
00:11:43.000 are the most romantic, what they say to a woman verbally. 0.98
00:11:47.000 What they say to a woman verbally, you want to open your legs like a butterfly, okay? 0.82
00:11:53.000 There you go.
00:11:55.000 What about what they say to a woman physically, with the whoosh and the poof and the huh?
00:11:59.000 These days you might find a caterpillar. 0.99
00:12:01.000 Black men and Latino men, they don't have the sexual inhibitions like white men. 0.99
00:12:08.000 They will do anything and everything to please you. 1.00
00:12:12.000 Are you talking about having your asshole licked? 1.00
00:12:14.000 Is that the elephant in the room? 1.00
00:12:15.000 Forget your asshole. 1.00
00:12:17.000 I can't. 1.00
00:12:17.000 I can't. 1.00
00:12:18.000 I have the asshole of a 72 year old gay man. 1.00
00:12:21.000 Assholes are good for faggots. 1.00
00:12:25.000 So what are the inhibitions that white men have? 1.00
00:12:28.000 They don't want their dick sucked? 1.00
00:12:29.000 A lot of them don't want to go down on a woman. 1.00
00:12:34.000 They don't want the woman on top of them, pumping them. 1.00
00:12:38.000 Pumping?
00:12:39.000 I'd like to meet one of these guys.
00:12:40.000 That's a rare breed. 0.85
00:12:44.000 Dude, I just started watching the new White Lotus.
00:12:48.000 That's why I'm late today, because I was watching it with the missus.
00:12:50.000 Wow.
00:12:51.000 Wow!
00:12:52.000 Great show!
00:12:53.000 Unbelievable.
00:12:55.000 Unbelievable, really.
00:12:56.000 He's got, like, stuff up his nose.
00:12:58.000 A little bit.
00:12:59.000 Unbelievable.
00:13:00.000 He's got a case of the Garrett.
00:13:01.000 Unbelievable, really.
00:13:01.000 Wow!
00:13:04.000 It is so good.
00:13:05.000 I've had nine husbands, about a hundred lovers, not counting boyfriends.
00:13:12.000 Okay.
00:13:14.000 Not for every woman.
00:13:17.000 And you're not a big blower.
00:13:18.000 So that's all intercourse.
00:13:19.000 But God protected me.
00:13:21.000 I never got a venereal disease. 1.00
00:13:23.000 If I looked at a man and I was sexually attracted to him, I'd fuck him. 0.99
00:13:30.000 What years are we talking here? 1.00
00:13:32.000 What year was that?
00:13:33.000 What years?
00:13:34.000 Yeah, when you're banging everything that moves.
00:13:35.000 In the 60s, the 70s.
00:13:39.000 And how old are you now?
00:13:41.000 I'm 79.
00:13:42.000 79.
00:13:44.000 Let's say 80.
00:13:46.000 So, 67, 80.
00:13:48.000 So, 60.
00:13:49.000 So you were like, you're talking about your teens.
00:13:51.000 In the early 20s.
00:13:52.000 No!
00:13:53.000 When I was an early teen, I wasn't out barking.
00:13:56.000 I was a virgin.
00:13:57.000 53, I mean.
00:13:59.000 I lost my virginity when I was 16.
00:14:01.000 To an Iranian. 0.74
00:14:05.000 To a man from Iran.
00:14:06.000 Yeah, real good looking guy.
00:14:08.000 How old were you when you lost your V?
00:14:11.000 Virginity.
00:14:11.000 My V?
00:14:12.000 Your virginity.
00:14:13.000 I don't know why I said V. When I was 16.
00:14:16.000 Ah.
00:14:17.000 I was 17.
00:14:18.000 How old were you, Matty?
00:14:20.000 Who was it?
00:14:22.000 Uh, a girlfriend of mine in high school.
00:14:25.000 Not the Jap? 0.99
00:14:26.000 No, no, no.
00:14:27.000 How'd that go?
00:14:29.000 The first time?
00:14:29.000 Yeah.
00:14:31.000 You know, we were two kids that knew nothing.
00:14:34.000 It wasn't too good.
00:14:35.000 I mean, it was, you know, at the time it was great, but... Did you wear a condom?
00:14:39.000 No. 0.98
00:14:40.000 Where'd you jizz? 0.80
00:14:42.000 On her stomach. 0.96
00:14:44.000 Was it missionary?
00:14:45.000 Yep.
00:14:46.000 That was on the hallway.
00:14:47.000 It was in the hallway outside of her, like she lived on the third floor of her house.
00:14:52.000 She had a big, big house. 0.97
00:14:54.000 Um, we were in the hallway outside of her bedroom door.
00:14:58.000 I guess nobody must've been home at the time.
00:15:01.000 I think we were in the pool swimming and we got out and went upstairs and then, uh, I don't know.
00:15:06.000 One thing led to another and we were in.
00:15:09.000 Was she a virgin?
00:15:10.000 Yeah.
00:15:11.000 Yeah.
00:15:11.000 A little bloodstain?
00:15:12.000 A little bit.
00:15:13.000 A little bit.
00:15:15.000 Was she like, ah, ow, ah, ah? 0.94
00:15:17.000 Yeah, well, you know, it was, uh, it was an, an interesting putting it in the first, like, cause she was nervous and like, she, she was like, ah, I'm like, well, and you know, we both, it was consensual obviously, but.
00:15:32.000 You made her scream, I'm Maddie.
00:15:35.000 You know, it was good.
00:15:36.000 I mean, it's an awkward, you're like, I'm 15, she was 16.
00:15:40.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:15:43.000 And then did you fuck her a bunch more times? 1.00
00:15:46.000 And then you got into the groove? 1.00
00:15:50.000 How long did you date her for?
00:15:51.000 When did it end?
00:15:53.000 Why did it end?
00:15:56.000 Oh, I don't know.
00:15:57.000 Who knows at that age?
00:15:58.000 You know what I did at that age? 1.00
00:16:00.000 I dated this super slut, Big Kimmy, and lost my virginity to her, but so did all my friends, and I had ruined my brand by dating such a whore. 1.00
00:16:11.000 And high school girls hate whores because they, it's like when you're in the union and you work hard, the other guy's like, what the fuck are you doing? 1.00
00:16:18.000 Now we all gotta work hard. 1.00
00:16:20.000 So I was raising the slut bar and they wanted to keep it low for obvious reasons. 1.00
00:16:25.000 Town bicycle. 0.99
00:16:26.000 So I dated this really nice, funny, ugly chick. 1.00
00:16:33.000 I won't say her name. 0.89
00:16:36.000 Tammy Conkels.
00:16:37.000 What was her name?
00:16:38.000 Tammy Conkels.
00:16:40.000 Tammy.
00:16:41.000 I actually looked her up recently.
00:16:42.000 She's aged really well.
00:16:43.000 She looks kind of hot now, but back then she was awkward and not attractive.
00:16:49.000 Oh, Elon Musk is here.
00:16:51.000 Oh, no.
00:16:53.000 They say the best love is a Japanese man.
00:16:57.000 I never had a Japanese man.
00:16:59.000 I got a Japanese man right here.
00:17:01.000 Are you a good lover, Ryan?
00:17:04.000 He's Filipino.
00:17:06.000 He's not a Jap. 0.75
00:17:06.000 He's Japanese Puerto Rican. 0.75
00:17:08.000 He's Japreican. 1.00
00:17:10.000 Brian, aren't you Philippine?
00:17:13.000 No, I'm Japanese Puerto Rican.
00:17:16.000 Sounds like a clean solvent.
00:17:20.000 Keep your floors looking great with Philippine. 1.00
00:17:24.000 Ancient Filipino secret.
00:17:26.000 It's funny, that girl's name was the same name as my first.
00:17:31.000 The full name?
00:17:32.000 No, just the girl's name.
00:17:34.000 Tammy.
00:17:35.000 Oh really?
00:17:36.000 Yeah.
00:17:36.000 That was a popular name in the 80s.
00:17:40.000 And so I dated the ugly girl for like eight months and it cleansed my reputation. 1.00
00:17:48.000 I was forgiven the whore. 1.00
00:17:50.000 And then I could date an incredibly hot, I think she was 15, 14, and I was 17, 18. 1.00
00:17:55.000 And I brought her, she was a dumb like little kid. 1.00
00:18:00.000 I'm not even sure it was legal. 1.00
00:18:03.000 Can a 17 year old fuck a 14 year old? 1.00
00:18:05.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:18:06.000 Okay, so I took her to prom.
00:18:08.000 So I cashed in my chips.
00:18:09.000 It was just like blackjack. 0.85
00:18:11.000 I lost a bunch of money with the first slot. 0.96
00:18:14.000 I dated the ugly nerd, got my currency up, and then I just blew it all on prom. 1.00
00:18:19.000 And I fucked her that night. 1.00
00:18:21.000 That was great. 1.00
00:18:22.000 I looked her up recently.
00:18:23.000 Whoa! 0.71
00:18:25.000 Hideous.
00:18:27.000 Hideous.
00:18:30.000 And then I emailed an old buddy from high school that I assumed we were still cool, we wouldn't communicate that much, but I didn't realize he hated me now, probably because of Trump and everything. 0.99
00:18:40.000 And I go, dude, I just looked up Sue, she's a fucking witch, like she looks like a Disney witch, now that we're all 53. 0.98
00:18:47.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:18:48.000 And he goes, I go, she's like a, she was a nine, an eight in high school, now she's like a two or a three. 0.99
00:18:54.000 And he goes, yeah, but you're the only one that's a four on the inside. 0.99
00:18:58.000 Oh shit. 0.99
00:19:00.000 We're not friends anymore? 1.00
00:19:01.000 He's like, no, I don't know why you contact me.
00:19:04.000 Oh, okay.
00:19:05.000 Oh, wow.
00:19:05.000 Oh my.
00:19:06.000 Excusez-moi.
00:19:08.000 Alright, when I was growing up, now mind you, I'm 79 years old.
00:19:13.000 So if a boy, two teenagers, boy and a girl, he took you on a date, and what he would do, he'd buy you a cherry coke.
00:19:23.000 That was a big time date. 0.99
00:19:25.000 Then, girl, oh, and the most he'd do was feel your titties. 1.00
00:19:29.000 So girls in general say, oh, if you let a boy feel your titties, you're a whore. 1.00
00:19:36.000 How were your titties back then? 1.00
00:19:38.000 They was juicy. 0.96
00:19:42.000 Juicy! 0.99
00:19:43.000 So when did you lose your virginity, Sylvia?
00:19:46.000 When I was 16.
00:19:47.000 Tell us about it, though.
00:19:48.000 Who was it?
00:19:49.000 Where was it?
00:19:49.000 He was from Iran.
00:19:50.000 Real good-looking guy.
00:19:52.000 So this is in the 60s, so it's pre-revolution.
00:19:55.000 So Iran was still pretty Western.
00:19:57.000 There was go-go boots and rock and roll and pompadours.
00:20:02.000 So how was it?
00:20:05.000 I thought that I was gonna see the stars and the moon, but it was okay.
00:20:12.000 He didn't hurt me.
00:20:13.000 Oh, so you had high hopes but it didn't turn out great.
00:20:17.000 No, it was okay.
00:20:19.000 But I thought I, you know, fireworks would go off and I didn't orgasm. 0.99
00:20:25.000 Sex with her was insane. 1.00
00:20:28.000 And she would, you'd be fucking her and she'd faint. 1.00
00:20:32.000 She'd like cum and then be unconscious. 1.00
00:20:37.000 And then her boyfriend after me that she, he would make, he'd go to McDonald's, get a burger and then jizz on it. 1.00
00:20:43.000 And she would eat a cum burger. 0.98
00:20:44.000 And I remember being on the bus going to high school going, you ate a what? 0.99
00:20:47.000 And she's like, yeah, you gotta be really horny. 1.00
00:20:50.000 Yeah, I'd say so. 0.99
00:20:51.000 You gotta be really horny to eat a cum burger. 0.99
00:20:55.000 I mean, if they're swallowing anyway, but I don't think it would taste good on a burger. 0.99
00:21:00.000 I don't know what it tastes like. 0.99
00:21:01.000 You know the Trump grab-her-by-the-pussy thing? 1.00
00:21:04.000 You would grab her vagina, and she'd be like, and like, cum. 1.00
00:21:08.000 She ended up having like five kids. 1.00
00:21:10.000 She left her husband to pursue a career in cumming. 1.00
00:21:14.000 Like, she became a crackhead, but I think she became a crackhead because crack makes sex even better, and she was a sex addict. 1.00
00:21:20.000 Like, she was born a sex fiend, and she moved to 0.98
00:21:25.000 Oshawa, which is outside of Toronto, because there's a lot of crack being manufactured there. 1.00
00:21:31.000 She just became a professional fucking crack whore. 1.00
00:21:34.000 Wow. 1.00
00:21:34.000 Just for the sex, not for the crack. 1.00
00:21:36.000 It's sort of like Indians. 1.00
00:21:37.000 You hear about Indians doing a lot of crack? 1.00
00:21:39.000 They don't really like the crack.
00:21:40.000 They like it because you can drink more.
00:21:43.000 I asked my psychiatric social worker once, I said, do you think I'm a sex fiend?
00:21:52.000 She said, Sylvia, you have so many boyfriends that you sleep with, I can't keep track. 0.99
00:21:58.000 Wow.
00:21:59.000 Well, you once said to me in private, and you told me not to tell anyone.
00:22:03.000 No, just kidding. 0.99
00:22:04.000 You said, uh, my biggest regret is my addiction to cock. 1.00
00:22:09.000 And I blew all my marriages, all my relationships with my severe addiction to getting fucked. 0.99
00:22:15.000 No, I'm not sorry all the men I married. 1.00
00:22:19.000 No, you said you kept blowing your marriages by being a whore. 1.00
00:22:23.000 No. 1.00
00:22:24.000 I was just a restless woman.
00:22:26.000 It's only when the marriage has failed that I sleep with somebody else before I got divorced.
00:22:33.000 When did you last have intercourse?
00:22:36.000 What about intercourse? 0.83
00:22:38.000 When did you last have it?
00:22:39.000 When did I last have it?
00:22:43.000 About, I don't know, two or three years ago.
00:22:45.000 That's pretty recent.
00:22:47.000 All right, Ryan, now we're at you.
00:22:49.000 When did you, well Elon, maybe you could tell us when Ryan lost his virginity, what age he was, what were the circumstances? 0.75
00:22:55.000 Yes, I do know some about Ryan's sex.
00:23:03.000 Elon, can you go away for a bit?
00:23:05.000 I want to talk to Ryan if I may.
00:23:08.000 I haven't worked on that impression at all, as you can tell.
00:23:11.000 It's Kyle Dunnigan's Elon Musk is what it is.
00:23:14.000 Yeah, I know.
00:23:14.000 I don't really hear him talk too often.
00:23:15.000 I think Kyle Dunnigan does Elon when he was more of a recent immigrant, so he had more of a South African accent, because now he doesn't sound South African at all.
00:23:22.000 Totes pass.
00:23:23.000 Okay, so how old were you?
00:23:24.000 Uh, whatever, like, go from 6th into 7th grade, so like, was that 14?
00:23:29.000 12.
00:23:29.000 Or was that 12?
00:23:30.000 12. 12?! !
00:23:33.000 Or maybe 7th into 8th grade?
00:23:36.000 No, I think it was 6th grade going into 7th grade.
00:23:40.000 I was 12.
00:23:40.000 And how old was the girl?
00:23:42.000 You were 12?
00:23:43.000 About the same age.
00:23:44.000 This is what blows my mind about blacks and Puerto Ricans. 1.00
00:23:46.000 Every time you start telling sex stories, you're like, and then I touched a boob when I was 20 and kissed a lady on the lips at 21. 0.99
00:23:52.000 But we were on the Ferris wheel at the time when they're like, I used to suck my, I used to suck my ba- I don't know why I'm doing a southern accent. 0.99
00:24:01.000 That's how age goes. 1.00
00:24:03.000 I used to suck my babysitter's tits when I was eight. 1.00
00:24:06.000 And you're like, pardonne-moi? 1.00
00:24:08.000 What?
00:24:09.000 There was some horsing around and nonsense like before then but that was when that I was dating a girl named Imani who lives in the Bronx.
00:24:16.000 I used to live in the Bronx and I moved upstate but I would visit my great-grandparents and then right next door was Imani, a black girl. 0.87
00:24:24.000 She's the same age we would all be.
00:24:25.000 Are you secretly saying a man in code to us?
00:24:28.000 No, that would be Amani.
00:24:29.000 It's Imani.
00:24:31.000 Or it's Imani.
00:24:32.000 But it's not Amani.
00:24:33.000 Okay.
00:24:37.000 And what was her ethnicity?
00:24:39.000 He was... No.
00:24:41.000 He was an Iranian man. 0.87
00:24:42.000 Just whatever type of black. 0.97
00:24:44.000 He was a dancer at Studio 54.
00:24:45.000 I think Jamaican.
00:24:48.000 A Jamaican chick. 1.00
00:24:49.000 A black chick. 1.00
00:24:49.000 You lost your virginity to a black lady. 1.00
00:24:53.000 Not a lady. 1.00
00:24:54.000 A child. 0.97
00:24:55.000 A black child. 1.00
00:24:56.000 Ryan Katsu-Rivera fucked a child. 1.00
00:24:58.000 Black child. 1.00
00:25:01.000 Hey, that's not true. 0.99
00:25:02.000 It's a black child. 0.92
00:25:03.000 Right.
00:25:05.000 What's it called?
00:25:06.000 We dated for a year before anything happened, and then she said she was going to blow me, like in the movies. 1.00
00:25:13.000 And I didn't know what that meant.
00:25:14.000 And that meant, like, I stand up and then she's on her knees. 0.96
00:25:18.000 And then it took a while, like maybe a couple of days, but we would just keep at it until we... Keep at what?
00:25:24.000 Just doing that. 0.98
00:25:25.000 Practicing blowjobs? 0.99
00:25:26.000 Yeah, she would blow me on the balcony while I was trying to tell her a scary story. 0.99
00:25:29.000 It was like...
00:25:31.000 We were on the shore of innocence and... Story time with Ryan on the balcony.
00:25:35.000 Yeah.
00:25:36.000 Hey, you want to come on the balcony?
00:25:37.000 I'll tell you a scary story.
00:25:39.000 You can blow me while I talk.
00:25:40.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:25:40.000 So you'd be talking as you received fellatio from this black child. 1.00
00:25:44.000 That was one time. 0.99
00:25:45.000 How old was she? 0.89
00:25:46.000 Same age.
00:25:47.000 So you're both 12.
00:25:48.000 And she's taller than I was.
00:25:49.000 And my great-grandparents... Yeah, I know.
00:25:53.000 How dare you?
00:25:54.000 But my great-grandparents, my great-grandfather caught me like kissing her in the living room.
00:25:59.000 So this is what I did in it.
00:26:00.000 This is how a kid thinks when he panics. 0.96
00:26:02.000 I'm kissing her and he walks in he's got like our food that he made for us and I see him and I go bonk and then I bonk her in the head like we're just playing the I bonk her in the head game with my hat. 0.94
00:26:13.000 We're not kissing. 0.86
00:26:14.000 As one does.
00:26:15.000 It was embarrassing but we would it was sweet like we would we date for a year and this was all her idea.
00:26:19.000 Is this legal to be talking about?
00:26:20.000 I was that age.
00:26:22.000 This is free on the internet we're not buying the paywall yet so you're talking about two twelve-year-olds having sex is that even legal?
00:26:28.000 I was one of them. 0.94
00:26:29.000 Do you own kiddie porn now? 0.77
00:26:30.000 I'm actually not. 0.97
00:26:31.000 Have you watched this? 0.92
00:26:32.000 Does your computer contain terabytes of kiddie porn?
00:26:35.000 This is before computers, essentially.
00:26:37.000 Like, a friend would have a computer and you'd go to his house.
00:26:39.000 Before computers.
00:26:39.000 I'm talking about us now, talking about this.
00:26:41.000 Oh! 0.60
00:26:42.000 Oh! 0.60
00:26:42.000 It's a story! 0.60
00:26:44.000 I was an age once, and this is what happened, but I'm not even telling you the sex part.
00:26:47.000 I'm telling you, like, we used to live door to door, next door to each other, so we'd knock on the wall when we wanted to hang out, and then I'd bring over a Hormel Chili, and we'd watch wrestling together.
00:26:56.000 It was all innocent, and then she was like, let me start blowing you. 0.98
00:26:59.000 And I was like, I don't even know what the fuck that is. 1.00
00:27:01.000 So you were probably getting blown before you could ejaculate. 1.00
00:27:03.000 Yeah, oh yeah. 0.97
00:27:05.000 There's nothing coming out. 0.99
00:27:05.000 And then like eating her out, I was not a fan of because it was, you know, there was hair going on there and I was just like, I was like, this is a fucking mess. 0.99
00:27:14.000 So, um, but yeah, it was always with the pants on when we did it. 0.94
00:27:18.000 It was like very small movements.
00:27:19.000 My chin would always dig into her chest. 1.00
00:27:21.000 She's like, you're hurting me.
00:27:22.000 You're hurting me again.
00:27:23.000 I just couldn't, I couldn't keep my chin away, but I found out.
00:27:26.000 You were so short, your chin was on her chest.
00:27:30.000 Or her shoulder.
00:27:31.000 Whatever.
00:27:32.000 Put your chin on my shoulder.
00:27:34.000 And she called me chin.
00:27:36.000 That was her nickname.
00:27:38.000 So I found out later on, my friend Louis, that you met.
00:27:43.000 Oh the black dude with the dresses like Mad Max? 0.99
00:27:45.000 So right after the Candace Owens Cornel West episode that we filmed, afterwards there's this goth black party that rented out the back.
00:27:52.000 So they're coming in as we're leaving.
00:27:53.000 It's my friend Louis.
00:27:55.000 I found out later on, she wasn't a virgin.
00:27:58.000 I was a virgin.
00:27:59.000 But she had banged him. 0.59
00:28:01.000 Oh my god.
00:28:01.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:28:02.000 So, I don't know.
00:28:04.000 Didn't you have a date planned?
00:28:06.000 Like a hang with Lewis planned?
00:28:08.000 And you guys were gonna go to the mall and look at security guards?
00:28:11.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:28:12.000 For his birthday or something or he just wanted to go to the mall and walk around and dress like security guards and like make a video or something.
00:28:19.000 Yeah.
00:28:20.000 And then you ended up not doing that because they wanted to go to a bar and you thought that's gross.
00:28:23.000 I hate bars.
00:28:24.000 I don't like a bar hangout.
00:28:26.000 I think a mall is funnier because you get to walk around and look at people.
00:28:30.000 Yeah, what's worse than meeting an old buddy that you grew up with and having a beer at a bar?
00:28:34.000 That's what I was staunchly not drinking. 1.00
00:28:36.000 Pathetic! 1.00
00:28:38.000 Telling old stories about being a fucking 13 year old with some guy you haven't seen in 20 years. 1.00
00:28:38.000 Yucky! 1.00
00:28:46.000 We wound up hanging out after that, and we saw each other again in the Bronx afterwards.
00:28:50.000 So tell us about the lay, though I'm not sure it's legal.
00:28:54.000 There was a couple of lays, but one time we almost got caught. 1.00
00:28:56.000 Your first lay, moron! 1.00
00:28:57.000 There was a couple of lays. 1.00
00:28:59.000 They all blended in one.
00:29:00.000 We just kept doing it.
00:29:01.000 Where?
00:29:02.000 Mostly in her grandmother's room.
00:29:04.000 Where was her grandmother?
00:29:05.000 Her dad or her mother wasn't around.
00:29:08.000 Surprise.
00:29:09.000 Her grandmother was very slow. 0.98
00:29:11.000 Mrs. I'm not going to give the last name, but she was like, 0.99
00:29:16.000 But she almost caught us once. 0.95
00:29:17.000 I had my belt unbuckled because we heard her coming down the hallway, but too late. 0.82
00:29:22.000 We're near the Christmas tree in the living room, usually where we don't do it.
00:29:25.000 Risque.
00:29:26.000 And very risky.
00:29:27.000 And my heart was just thumping because we heard her.
00:29:29.000 So I just get up off her.
00:29:30.000 She hears the rustling.
00:29:32.000 I don't do my belt or my pants.
00:29:34.000 And so they're like kind of falling down.
00:29:36.000 So I'm walking to the down the hallway and she's sitting down now so she could see us.
00:29:40.000 I'm trying to race to get to the room before my pants fall down.
00:29:43.000 So that was very scary.
00:29:44.000 But we never got caught properly.
00:29:47.000 But that was 12 years old or 13 maybe.
00:29:51.000 Oh my God.
00:29:52.000 The Bronx. 1.00
00:29:53.000 What a shithole. 1.00
00:29:55.000 That's true. 1.00
00:29:55.000 I think I was corrupted by that young woman because I didn't even want to kiss her first. 1.00
00:29:59.000 It was her idea to kiss.
00:30:00.000 I was like we're dating.
00:30:01.000 I don't know what that means.
00:30:01.000 If you had said if you were doing a talk and you're like
00:30:04.000 New York City is an absolute mess. 1.00
00:30:06.000 We got 12 year olds fucking each other in the Bronx. 1.00
00:30:09.000 People go, OK, Nazi, what else is happening? 1.00
00:30:12.000 Yeah.
00:30:13.000 No, it's a fact.
00:30:14.000 I think it's very interesting that that's how that happened.
00:30:17.000 But yes, it is.
00:30:18.000 I haven't thought about that in a long time.
00:30:19.000 And I don't think that was uncommon.
00:30:21.000 No, I think if you talk to Puerto Ricans in the Bronx, they'll be like, like I said, I was 10. 1.00
00:30:24.000 Like I said, Lewis and her already had copulated by that point.
00:30:28.000 So this was kind of a thing.
00:30:30.000 Black. 0.93
00:30:30.000 I don't know if it's other. 0.93
00:30:31.000 I don't know a lot of black people in America outside of New York. 1.00
00:30:33.000 But every time I talk to a black New Yorker, they were sucking some tits at like six. 1.00
00:30:38.000 Wasn't that based on Sherrod Smalls? 1.00
00:30:40.000 Yeah, I was fucking my cousin back then. 0.99
00:30:42.000 All of them. 0.99
00:30:43.000 Yeah. 1.00
00:30:43.000 Larry Barnes would fuck his mom's friends. 1.00
00:30:47.000 Oh, my God. 1.00
00:30:48.000 When he was like 10. 1.00
00:30:49.000 Holy shit. 0.99
00:30:52.000 So let me rephrase that. 1.00
00:30:54.000 Larry Burns was molested by his mom's friends.
00:31:00.000 He's not upset about it.
00:31:02.000 Yeah.
00:31:02.000 But he ought to be.
00:31:03.000 How does that work with 212?
00:31:05.000 We were both molested.
00:31:07.000 By the media.
00:31:09.000 It's not good.
00:31:10.000 Right.
00:31:11.000 But I don't know who the perpetrator is and who the victim is.
00:31:14.000 Society is the perpetrator. 0.82
00:31:16.000 Last thing on that.
00:31:17.000 It made it very weird because I lived upstate New York where people are raised properly and it's majority white, you know, up in the Hudson Valley. 0.99
00:31:24.000 And it was very odd trying to like actually have relationships with women that that didn't just immediately like pedal to the metal.
00:31:31.000 Right, so you're like, so I guess you wanna blow me, right?
00:31:33.000 Yeah, it was like, it was really tough to adjust to that afterwards. 0.98
00:31:38.000 I think you might, you know what, Sylvia, you say Japanese people are good fuckers, I remember a long time ago, it was like a Laura Loomer event in Florida, and Ryan had the next hotel room, and he was banging some broad, and it was going and going, and I could hear them in the next room, just like tearing up the place. 1.00
00:31:58.000 But I remember telling you, I thought that that was rather a short bout. 0.98
00:32:02.000 But I don't know.
00:32:02.000 I want to see a short bout.
00:32:03.000 You may want to pop by Gav's Cab.
00:32:07.000 You may want to take a peek into my bedroom window if you want to see short and sweet.
00:32:11.000 Actually, I'm trying a new thing sexually.
00:32:15.000 Don't try to make it good.
00:32:17.000 That's hilarious.
00:32:18.000 My whole life I've been like pausing and like trying to you know do the alphabet backwards to last and stuff.
00:32:23.000 Putting too much thought into it.
00:32:24.000 Do different moves and like now you go on your side and make everything like a cool porn.
00:32:29.000 So I'll get to do it again.
00:32:30.000 I think if I make it like an event.
00:32:32.000 And I don't know if she likes that.
00:32:34.000 I think she might just want, like, a dog. 0.73
00:32:36.000 Just like... Done.
00:32:39.000 Done.
00:32:40.000 Because, like, she's very unambitious, my wife. 0.90
00:32:40.000 Right. 0.90
00:32:44.000 So why would sex be ambitious?
00:32:46.000 And that last two have just been totally self-indulgent, like what you'd imagine a poodle doing to a stuffed animal.
00:32:52.000 And I don't know, it's been going pretty good. 0.90
00:32:54.000 You know what I heard from... New sex tip! 1.00
00:32:57.000 Don't be good! 1.00
00:32:58.000 New rule is that don't think about your actual junk. 0.99
00:33:04.000 Picture just your hips moving. 0.98
00:33:07.000 Just focus on the hip movement.
00:33:08.000 Yeah, we all know that one, Ryan.
00:33:09.000 I didn't know that until I heard it. 1.00
00:33:12.000 What you're talking about is the trick where you cut your dick off. 1.00
00:33:15.000 Yes. 1.00
00:33:15.000 And then you just you're just a body. 1.00
00:33:17.000 Chop it off. 0.98
00:33:18.000 Yeah.
00:33:18.000 And you have a strap on.
00:33:19.000 Mm hmm. 0.95
00:33:21.000 And that's just a dildo that you're using. 0.96
00:33:23.000 And it works for a while. 1.00
00:33:25.000 But what you're doing is you're cutting off the communication from your dick to your brain. 1.00
00:33:29.000 And the postman is like, Can I get through here? 1.00
00:33:31.000 And this guy's like, Nope.
00:33:33.000 No one's getting through you put bouncers in your pubes.
00:33:37.000 It's like no messages to the brain.
00:33:39.000 Sorry, not today.
00:33:40.000 Episode title.
00:33:41.000 But I
00:33:43.000 What's it called?
00:33:43.000 Bouncers to your pubes?
00:33:45.000 No messages to the brain?
00:33:48.000 Yeah you stand out there but eventually what happens is there's so many messages the bouncers are like calm down everyone get back get back and then eventually they get stampeded the bouncers are trampled to death and all the messages come in.
00:34:06.000 You gotta do with your heart!
00:34:09.000 Who is that white boy next to Ryan? 0.52
00:34:14.000 The older guy that just appeared?
00:34:17.000 Yeah.
00:34:28.000 That's the President of the United States.
00:34:29.000 That's Joe Biden.
00:34:30.000 No, no, no.
00:34:32.000 This guy.
00:34:33.000 Yeah, that's Joe Biden. 0.70
00:34:34.000 Little puppet. 1.00
00:34:36.000 Oh, shit! 1.00
00:34:36.000 Mercedes is calling. 1.00
00:34:38.000 Oh, crap, man. 0.97
00:34:38.000 It's been a long time. 0.97
00:34:39.000 Holy cow. 0.89
00:34:43.000 An incarcerated individual at San Bernardino County Sheriff's Department.
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00:34:51.000 If you believe this should be a private call, please hang up and follow facility instructions to register this number as a private number.
00:34:58.000 To accept this free call, press 1.
00:35:00.000 To refuse the thank you for using Securus, you may start the conversation now.
00:35:06.000 Hey Mercedes! 1.00
00:35:08.000 Hey Gavin!
00:35:09.000 You're live on the air!
00:35:12.000 Yeah, I'm glad to hear from you.
00:35:14.000 So there was a massive Mercedes drought recently where we didn't hear from you and no one did.
00:35:19.000 I talked to my buddy Robbie up in Montreal.
00:35:22.000 He said you had cut off correspondence for like a month or two.
00:35:27.000 Yes.
00:35:27.000 Well, things have been a little weird here.
00:35:31.000 Are you allowed to say why?
00:35:32.000 There's just been some weird jail stuff happening, but I'm back and I'm able
00:35:43.000 We won't pry we won't pry so I'm glad you called because
00:35:59.000 We spoke recently, and you said your court date has been set.
00:36:02.000 Now, before we say the actual date, I have been saying since day one, because I know you well, I consider you a close friend, I don't believe these allegations, and I think it's because you're MAGA, it's political persecution.
00:36:15.000 And if anyone was dubious of political persecution, surely they see Max and John, and they see the Jan Six defendants, these guys who were vandalizing government property, looking at 20 years to life.
00:36:27.000 For such a silly crime.
00:36:29.000 The crime deserves, I don't know, clean trash up off the highway and get a $300 fine is what that deserves. 0.95
00:36:37.000 Right.
00:36:37.000 But anyway.
00:36:38.000 They chose your court date is January 6.
00:36:43.000 Yes.
00:36:46.000 Of all the days.
00:36:47.000 Wow.
00:36:49.000 The odds are one in 365 that it would be that political date.
00:36:56.000 And I want to be very clear that I did not have a hand in choosing that date.
00:37:02.000 That date was chosen for me.
00:37:04.000 So let me be very clear that I did not choose January 6th.
00:37:09.000 I very much wanted to come back in October, and I was told that I would not be coming back in October, that the soonest date I could come back in was January, and the date I would be coming back was January 6th, 2021.
00:37:24.000 Amazing.
00:37:26.000 So, say it goes great and they drop everything.
00:37:29.000 What's as soon as she would get out? 0.95
00:37:30.000 Like a month after that?
00:37:31.000 No, right then and there.
00:37:34.000 That day?
00:37:34.000 If they dropped everything, I would come out that day.
00:37:37.000 But I'm told that the plan is to go to trial in January.
00:37:44.000 Of course, I've been told the plan was to go to trial all of 2022.
00:37:47.000 So at this point, you know,
00:37:52.000 I'm a little skeptical, but I'm being told, you know, even the judge, the judge even told me, well, you know, we do need to get a hold on this. 1.00
00:38:02.000 But, you know, it was basically a big, fuck you, Mercedes. 0.99
00:38:07.000 Yeah, it sounds like it. 0.99
00:38:08.000 So say you get out January 6th, and that's not happening, but how many months, how long would you have been in jail?
00:38:16.000 I will have been in jail just one month short of four years.
00:38:21.000 Oh, that's an entire presidential term, isn't it?
00:38:25.000 It sure is.
00:38:27.000 Four years awaiting trial.
00:38:29.000 That is brutal.
00:38:31.000 And by the way, part of what I want to point out is part of the reason they're going so hard... That's against the law!
00:38:40.000 As long as they face the prosecution for being there, they can't run for political office.
00:38:47.000 That's something that I don't think anybody's really noticed.
00:38:50.000 Wait, what was that?
00:38:54.000 If you're... If you were part of a quote-unquote insurrection, you cannot run for political office.
00:39:00.000 Oh, that's why they're making this Trump... It's in the 14th Amendment.
00:39:03.000 Yes.
00:39:05.000 That's what this is all about.
00:39:07.000 You know, Mercedes, we're here with a 79-year-old woman named Sylvia who has been working on your case and is determined to get you out. 1.00
00:39:14.000 She even contacted the Innocence Project.
00:39:17.000 Oh, thank you!
00:39:18.000 I appreciate you, Sylvia.
00:39:20.000 They said they're more concerned with DNA proof to exonerate people.
00:39:26.000 That's right.
00:39:27.000 But then they help her anyway. 0.98
00:39:31.000 They also seem to prefer giant black males. 0.99
00:39:56.000 Like there's that cop who is falsely accused of forcing a woman to blow him. 1.00
00:40:02.000 What the fuck's his name? 0.99
00:40:04.000 Michelle Malkin is working on that case. 1.00
00:40:06.000 He's got a really weird last name.
00:40:08.000 And the Innocence Project would never go near him in a million years.
00:40:11.000 She may be able to sue, waiting trial four years, and she is not a political prisoner.
00:40:21.000 You can't hear it, but that's Sylvia intervening.
00:40:24.000 Oh no, you're wrong, Gavin.
00:40:26.000 Okay, you're not Sylvia.
00:40:30.000 Okay, any other news?
00:40:31.000 We gotta go shortly.
00:40:32.000 Sorry to cut the conversation short.
00:40:33.000 Yeah, I do, I do.
00:40:36.000 I just finished his collection of speeches.
00:40:54.000 What's it called?
00:40:57.000 Read his Warning to the West.
00:40:58.000 Yeah, that's it.
00:40:59.000 Yeah, that one's just amazing.
00:41:02.000 I mean, you guys, it's just, it's all there.
00:41:05.000 It's all there and it's all coming.
00:41:07.000 Read the First Circle.
00:41:09.000 I heard that he stopped writing books because he was like, look, I have made everything elaborately clear.
00:41:15.000 If you're not understanding, I give up.
00:41:18.000 I think Ann Coulter is the same way.
00:41:20.000 She's like, I said my piece.
00:41:21.000 Go look it up.
00:41:27.000 Yeah, I think she's extremely clear and I don't think people it's almost like at this point you're kind of just trying to dismantle a brick wall with your skull Yeah, it's all there.
00:41:42.000 Come on you guys like I don't know what else to say.
00:41:44.000 Yeah, but hey, it's really 0.99
00:41:48.000 It's like it's like conversion therapy like you could work on show gays pictures of tits for a hundred years They're gonna be like sorry not interested boys 1.00
00:42:02.000 That's exactly it. 0.99
00:42:06.000 It's all there and it's all happening.
00:42:08.000 I don't know what else to say.
00:42:12.000 I appreciate you and I appreciate everyone.
00:42:17.000 I get to go be a political prisoner January 6th so you guys can always write me to find out what's happening in the gulag.
00:42:23.000 The problem is this isn't even a gulag. 0.92
00:42:25.000 I wish this was a gulag because it would be fucking quiet and I wouldn't have to watch basketball. 0.94
00:42:31.000 Yeah, you get in shape, Breaking Rocks. 0.99
00:42:33.000 A gulag would be an improvement. 1.00
00:42:34.000 If you're an attorney, hang up and contact the facility to request your number be made... You know what? 1.00
00:42:40.000 A gulag would have a lot less fucking... It would have a lot more intelligence. 0.99
00:42:45.000 You know? 1.00
00:42:46.000 Fat bitches. 1.00
00:42:47.000 Alright, thanks Mercedes. 1.00
00:42:48.000 Let's talk again soon.
00:42:50.000 Alright, love you.
00:42:51.000 Bye.
00:42:51.000 Ooh, I like doing jokes to people in jail.
00:42:56.000 Captive audience.
00:42:57.000 She was really enjoying my bits.
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00:43:24.000 Taking a gummy before you go to bed.
00:43:26.000 A lot of heavy drinkers, they have trouble sleeping and they go, I would quit, but the last time I stopped, um, I couldn't sleep for weeks.
00:43:35.000 I had to take Xanax to get to sleep because you're used to booze knocking you out.
00:43:39.000 Well, take a CBD, take a gummy.
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00:44:16.000 Don't I read better than Joe Biden?
00:44:18.000 Yes you do.
00:44:20.000 And today's crazy real quality.
00:44:22.000 But he's senile, you're not.
00:44:24.000 Sleep much, need a rest, hard to come by.
00:44:27.000 Come on man.
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00:44:42.000 Come on America. 0.98
00:44:43.000 You know the thing.
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00:44:45.000 Shellshock.
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00:44:52.000 What?
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00:44:59.000 Go to the URL, uses Gavin.
00:45:01.000 America's not about joint health, man.
00:45:04.000 Come on.
00:45:05.000 It's not about smoking weed, man.
00:45:06.000 It's about feeling good.
00:45:07.000 It's CBD products, man.
00:45:10.000 It's like smelling, but for your lungs.
00:45:12.000 Who is he?
00:45:14.000 Who's that guy?
00:45:15.000 Yeah.
00:45:16.000 The hat on?
00:45:16.000 I'm a resident of the United States.
00:45:18.000 That's the President of the United States, Sylvia.
00:45:20.000 I figured it was.
00:45:23.000 He's the leader of the free world.
00:45:24.000 This world is not so free anymore.
00:45:29.000 Well, he's not doing... No offense, Mr. President.
00:45:31.000 You're not doing a real bang-up job.
00:45:33.000 I'm a resident of the United Space, man.
00:45:35.000 No.
00:45:36.000 Put some respect in my name.
00:45:37.000 You look undernourished to me.
00:45:40.000 I was the Vice Principal under Barack DeBloggin, man.
00:45:42.000 Ice cream. 0.99
00:45:46.000 All right, so as you know with this show we have a bunch of shit going on. 0.99
00:45:50.000 We read letters, of which we have many. 0.99
00:45:53.000 We take calls, of which we have too many.
00:45:58.000 And then we also have a super chat right here where the proceeds go to Max and John.
00:46:03.000 I dipped into the Max and John fund to the tune of a few thousand and I bought myself Gucci pants.
00:46:11.000 No, I dipped into it and I bought, I bought, I bought an appeal.
00:46:16.000 So Ron and Max are still fighting.
00:46:19.000 Never stop fighting.
00:46:20.000 They're appealing their sentence right now.
00:46:23.000 Right.
00:46:24.000 I mean, they could get out a month early.
00:46:27.000 They're not giving up.
00:46:27.000 And I assume they'll be going fighting the conviction itself.
00:46:32.000 Appealing after they get out.
00:46:34.000 Yeah, they could.
00:46:35.000 Yeah, they're determined.
00:46:36.000 The Proud Boys?
00:46:37.000 Yes.
00:46:39.000 So I just sent a bunch of money to their lawyer, Ron, to file this appeal.
00:46:43.000 Are they still proud?
00:46:46.000 Yes.
00:46:48.000 Still proud.
00:46:51.000 But that's fair, right?
00:46:52.000 Like, say, right now it's $21,000, so now it's $18,000.
00:46:57.000 Lawyers aren't cheap.
00:46:59.000 Nope.
00:47:00.000 That guy's pretty cheap.
00:47:00.000 But they crossed boundaries.
00:47:02.000 To fight that bitch who said she invented Vice cost me $25,000. 1.00
00:47:06.000 Gavin, you've got to admit it. 1.00
00:47:10.000 They did cross boundaries.
00:47:12.000 No, no, Sylvia, this is different.
00:47:14.000 This isn't January 6th.
00:47:15.000 This was a fistfight.
00:47:17.000 We're not talking about that.
00:47:18.000 Oh, you're talking about the fiscal?
00:47:20.000 The Proud Boys.
00:47:22.000 What boundaries did they cross?
00:47:23.000 When?
00:47:23.000 Where?
00:47:25.000 That's top secret.
00:47:27.000 We cannot broadcast it.
00:47:30.000 Okay.
00:47:32.000 With her personally, maybe.
00:47:33.000 But you have evidence against the Proud Boys where they crossed the line, but you don't want to make it public.
00:47:38.000 I have no evidence for or against them.
00:47:43.000 Okay, so maybe don't say they crossed boundaries.
00:47:47.000 Well, they did something they shouldn't have.
00:47:50.000 Let's put it this way.
00:47:52.000 They did something without thinking.
00:47:56.000 With no tact.
00:47:58.000 Which was what?
00:48:01.000 I'm not at liberty to say.
00:48:03.000 Talk to my attorney, Pee Wee.
00:48:06.000 Did it happen in a January month?
00:48:08.000 No.
00:48:11.000 January 6th had nothing to do with it, Gavin.
00:48:15.000 Okay, did it happen in Manhattan?
00:48:18.000 If they were to listen to you, they wouldn't have been in friggin jail, okay?
00:48:23.000 Okay.
00:48:24.000 They didn't take your knowledge and your wisdom.
00:48:28.000 If they would have, they never would have gone to jail.
00:48:31.000 I appreciate that, but I said don't go to January 6th.
00:48:35.000 On the night of my talk, I didn't say, don't fight Antifa if they jump you.
00:48:40.000 I would never even think to say that.
00:48:41.000 In fact, I don't believe that.
00:48:43.000 I think if someone whips a bottle of piss at you, you should fight them. 0.95
00:48:48.000 Someone spits in your face, you should fight them. 0.96
00:48:52.000 I'm in a lot of trouble for saying choker tranny once. 0.92
00:48:54.000 And I was like, yeah, yeah, the context was Antifa were spitting in Trump supporters' faces and then saying, you can't hit me, I identify as a woman. 0.93
00:49:04.000 And that's when I said, don't hesitate, choker tranny. 1.00
00:49:07.000 Someone spits in your face. 0.98
00:49:09.000 Smoke a Randy.
00:49:11.000 Yeah.
00:49:11.000 What?
00:49:14.000 You want us to smoke Randy's, Mr. President?
00:49:16.000 Back in the fifties, you'd roll a joint and hang out in the park.
00:49:19.000 You'd have seven or eight people who'd put fifty cents in there.
00:49:23.000 You'd get to smoke a Randy with your buddies.
00:49:25.000 Have a milkshake.
00:49:26.000 But you'd share it.
00:49:28.000 I don't think they had marijuana back then.
00:49:31.000 When I was a teenager, the most the boys would do on a Saturday night, they would go to the school yard and drink beer.
00:49:42.000 Okay?
00:49:43.000 Uh-huh.
00:49:44.000 That was a big thing then.
00:49:46.000 Was marijuana around in the 50s?
00:49:48.000 Yeah, but they really didn't indulge.
00:49:51.000 That was mostly for the spades, right?
00:49:53.000 Most teenage boys were beer drinkers.
00:49:56.000 And then the spooks would smoke the reefer.
00:49:58.000 I knew one kid, he was only 14, Phil Brioni from Corona, he OD'd. 0.58
00:50:04.000 I remember one summer night, we hung out together, we went to my mother's house, she gave us money to go buy
00:50:17.000 He was on heroin you think?
00:50:18.000 Was he on heroin?
00:50:31.000 Yeah.
00:50:33.000 He OD'd.
00:50:34.000 You know what's crazy?
00:50:34.000 Pat Dixon brought this up.
00:50:35.000 At 14 years old.
00:50:36.000 You look at the death rate in New York.
00:50:37.000 14 years old, he OD'd.
00:50:39.000 And his girlfriend's name was Truck. 0.98
00:50:42.000 Why did they call her Truck?
00:50:43.000 Because she had big headlights. 1.00
00:50:45.000 In other words, big tits. 1.00
00:50:48.000 Had a friend named fucking tits. 1.00
00:50:50.000 Friend named Jacob. 1.00
00:50:51.000 He died of macaroni and cheese.
00:50:53.000 He's heart attack, man. 0.98
00:50:54.000 He's fat. 0.81
00:50:56.000 What did Pat Dixon say? 0.82
00:50:58.000 He was talking about the yearly death rate in New York City, and it's bad now.
00:51:03.000 It's like one a day, and it's getting worse, even though they changed the stats by not arresting people for it, and so it looks bad.
00:51:11.000 I mean, it looks better than it is.
00:51:13.000 But when you go back into like the 1900s, it's 2,000 a year.
00:51:21.000 Yeah, well, all cores are like prime.
00:51:25.000 Oh, yeah, true.
00:51:25.000 Right, right, right.
00:51:26.000 No murders.
00:51:28.000 Yeah, in 1990, when I was graduating high school, it was like $2,600 a year.
00:51:34.000 Really?
00:51:35.000 No, that's not, come on, that wasn't 1990.
00:51:36.000 1989, 1990, 1991, 1992, $2,600.
00:51:37.000 Okay, here we go.
00:51:39.000 The height of the crack academic. 0.99
00:51:45.000 Rape, robbery, assault, forcible rape. 0.61
00:51:49.000 What's non-forcible rape? 1.00
00:51:52.000 Me and my wife?
00:51:55.000 What about serial killers?
00:51:57.000 And I don't mean sugar pops.
00:52:00.000 Name five serial killers to get your second degree.
00:52:03.000 So 1965, 836 were killed.
00:52:03.000 69, it goes up to 1,300.
00:52:04.000 By 1972, it's 2,000 a year.
00:52:05.000 Remember, it's only 836 in 65.
00:52:21.000 Now it's 2,073, like in the year 1973, it's also 2,000.
00:52:22.000 It goes down, it stays there though for a long time.
00:52:24.000 79, it's 2,000.
00:52:25.000 80, 2,000, 2,000, 2,000.
00:52:25.000 In 84, it goes down to 1,700.
00:52:25.000 And then, boop, it's back up in the late 80s to 2,300.
00:52:47.000 2,600 in 1990!
00:52:48.000 You're right! 1.00
00:52:49.000 Holy fuck! 1.00
00:52:50.000 I was out in the clubs. 1.00
00:52:51.000 Nightclubs, baby.
00:52:53.000 You know why 84 kicked off?
00:52:54.000 It was crack.
00:52:58.000 Uh... yeah.
00:53:00.000 Well, no, 79 is when it... No, it was 1974.
00:53:02.000 When it jumped to 2,300, it was 84.
00:53:05.000 No, it was 2072, dude!
00:53:05.000 Yeah, but it's in 84.
00:53:15.000 84 is not that big of a jump.
00:53:17.000 No, it was 2,082.
00:53:17.000 84 goes down to 1,700.
00:53:18.000 Oh, okay.
00:53:19.000 Which is like the lowest it's been since 1969.
00:53:21.000 But it's basically hovering around 2,000.
00:53:37.000 From 1972 all the way through to 1995.
00:53:45.000 It's 2000.
00:53:46.000 Basically our entire young lives.
00:53:48.000 Yeah.
00:53:49.000 And then Giuliani comes in.
00:53:52.000 Right?
00:53:52.000 When was Giuliani?
00:53:55.000 Dinkins was 92.
00:53:56.000 Dinkins was in the mid to late 90s.
00:54:01.000 So he was a DA.
00:54:03.000 He got rid of the mob, right?
00:54:05.000 He's a federal prosecutor, Giuliani.
00:54:07.000 Yep.
00:54:09.000 And then, when was he mayor?
00:54:13.000 Lawyer, mayor of New York City, 1994. 0.99
00:54:14.000 Holy shit, dude! 0.99
00:54:14.000 94 shows up and boom! 0.99
00:54:15.000 We plummet down to 700.
00:54:16.000 And it keeps going down.
00:54:17.000 Every year.
00:54:18.000 700, 600, 500, 400.
00:54:18.000 By 2000, I moved here in 99, it was only 489.
00:54:34.000 And what are these numbers representing?
00:54:36.000 Number of murders a year in New York City.
00:54:38.000 No.
00:54:39.000 What is it now?
00:54:40.000 Like, I think it's what?
00:54:41.000 Maybe low, mid, I mean, high 400s?
00:54:44.000 Maybe 500s?
00:54:45.000 No, well, we only have 2019 here on this chart, but it's as low as 267.
00:54:50.000 Look at Lizzie Borden! 1.00
00:54:52.000 She took an axe, gave her father 40 whacks, and when she was done, she gave her mother 22! 0.99
00:55:00.000 And she got away with it! 1.00
00:55:02.000 Yeah.
00:55:04.000 The murder rate now is the lowest it's ever been.
00:55:06.000 Well, lowest it's ever been.
00:55:11.000 I have to 1965 here, it was 495.
00:55:15.000 It just kept going up and up and up, peaked right around Giuliani's time, and then he came and it's been going down ever since.
00:55:22.000 All right.
00:55:23.000 So de Blasio brags about that, but no.
00:55:26.000 It's all, as we were discussing yesterday, when the graph is going like that, and then it stops going like that, you can't say, well, it went down under my tenure.
00:55:34.000 Yeah, sort of.
00:55:35.000 It stopped going down at a good rate, though.
00:55:37.000 Right.
00:55:38.000 That's when Giuliani, like, disdefied Times Square.
00:55:41.000 Yes.
00:55:41.000 And then stop and frisk.
00:55:43.000 Yeah, in the early 2000s, dude, you could walk around Times Square at 3 in the morning naked with $100 bills taped to your body.
00:55:50.000 He's right.
00:55:51.000 The only time murders go down is when there's not enough victims.
00:55:58.000 Wow.
00:55:58.000 Too true.
00:55:59.000 Too true.
00:56:00.000 All right, so let's, um,
00:56:02.000 I guess let's go, we can't have the Ryan shut up thing, and then also thanks for calling, right?
00:56:10.000 Not at the same time.
00:56:11.000 Still, they like your new sunglasses?
00:56:13.000 Wait, bring that back up again.
00:56:15.000 One more thank you.
00:56:15.000 In August, you told us about anti-ESG fund, Drill.
00:56:19.000 I immediately moved money into it.
00:56:21.000 It's the only investment I have that earned anything this year.
00:56:24.000 In less than three months, I've made almost a 10% return, which by the way, Bernie Madoff was making 10%.
00:56:32.000 No one can break 5%.
00:56:32.000 I've made almost a 10% return.
00:56:35.000 All my other investments have given me a negative 16% loss year to date.
00:56:40.000 I haven't even checked my investments.
00:56:41.000 I'm too scared.
00:56:42.000 I only wish I would have put more into drill.
00:56:44.000 Now, that is D-R-L-L, right, Ryan?
00:56:47.000 I can't really read it from here.
00:56:48.000 Yeah, D-R-L-L. 1.00
00:56:49.000 So, as we discussed, Ryan, you introduced us to ESG the other day, Monday.
00:56:54.000 We had been pushing drill in August.
00:56:57.000 I'm turning into that money guy with the sleeves rolled up.
00:57:01.000 Jim Cramer.
00:57:02.000 Jim Cramer.
00:57:04.000 He yelled the N-word at the laugh factory.
00:57:07.000 From Seinfeld.
00:57:08.000 Not from Seinfeld, man.
00:57:09.000 That's a different Cramer, Mr. President.
00:57:12.000 Gavin, I know you're a punk guy, but just wondering your opinion on metal. 0.89
00:57:15.000 I went to see Iron Maiden last Friday in Newark, and they were so fucking good.
00:57:17.000 I drove four hours to see them again in D.C.
00:57:20.000 last night.
00:57:20.000 Your thoughts?
00:57:20.000 I love Iron Maiden.
00:57:22.000 Bruce Dickinson.
00:57:22.000 They rule.
00:57:23.000 Yeah.
00:57:24.000 Bruce Dickinson.
00:57:24.000 The Bruce Dickinson.
00:57:27.000 Fucking awesome. 0.96
00:57:28.000 The best producer in the world. 0.99
00:57:30.000 Now I got a serious question for the people who listen to our show.
00:57:36.000 Why aren't people laughing more?
00:57:40.000 They walk down the street, self-absorbed, worried, anxious.
00:57:45.000 Why aren't the American people laughing more?
00:57:49.000 Whatever happened to their sense of humor?
00:57:53.000 I blame phones.
00:57:55.000 But wait, let's go back to these.
00:57:56.000 We want to read these before they disappear off the screen.
00:58:00.000 Ryan's a spook.
00:58:00.000 Another $100 for the boys.
00:58:02.000 Thanks for Japanese vulgarity. 1.00
00:58:03.000 I haven't heard my wife laugh like that for some time.
00:58:05.000 Thanks for keeping us laughing in this crazy world.
00:58:08.000 Those are from last week.
00:58:09.000 Oh, OK.
00:58:10.000 OK, so we're caught up with those.
00:58:11.000 All right.
00:58:12.000 So let's do the thanks for calling thing.
00:58:14.000 And I can grab a beer.
00:58:18.000 You are on the air.
00:58:19.000 I'm here to have a conversation. 1.00
00:58:21.000 This is a fucking loser. 1.00
00:58:22.000 And you want me to learn, share, listen, understand why. 1.00
00:58:26.000 Hey, why does everyone get two things?
00:58:28.000 You have one thing.
00:58:29.000 Thank you for calling.
00:58:30.000 It was great hearing from you.
00:58:32.000 Bye-bye.
00:58:32.000 Alright, next call.
00:58:33.000 Bye-bye.
00:58:36.000 Home to mommy.
00:58:37.000 Home to mommy.
00:58:39.000 She probably likes me.
00:58:40.000 Go to daddy. 0.94
00:58:42.000 I say bye-bye once a day.
00:58:44.000 Yeah, at least.
00:58:45.000 At least.
00:58:47.000 So in order to do the Super Chats, by the way, you go to the desktop version of the site, you click Watch Live, and then right underneath the player there, you'll see a blue button, and that's how you send us a little pay message.
00:59:00.000 That's how you do it.
00:59:02.000 And now the number will appear on the bottom of the screen.
00:59:04.000 For those listening, it is 718-400-69-59.
00:59:05.000 That's a funny number.
00:59:13.000 But all of that is true what I said, so.
00:59:16.000 And we also have a live show, do we not?
00:59:18.000 Come on, boys.
00:59:19.000 It's true.
00:59:20.000 Last one of this leg of the tour.
00:59:24.000 It's gonna be, there's gonna be tons of special guests, kind of a compound- It's not canceled, no matter what you hear.
00:59:29.000 No.
00:59:30.000 It's going down.
00:59:30.000 I don't care if I have to do it in the Bronx Zoo and be like, can you dig it?
00:59:37.000 Dan Cortland Park.
00:59:38.000 Yeah, it's going down.
00:59:40.000 We have plan ABCDEFG.
00:59:43.000 Plenty of contingency plans.
00:59:44.000 Are you telling a Bronx tale?
00:59:46.000 Oh! 0.60
00:59:47.000 Oh! 0.60
00:59:50.000 We got these guys in the Palmentary of my hand.
00:59:53.000 Chuck Palmentary.
00:59:55.000 Thanks.
00:59:56.000 Chaz. 0.90
00:59:57.000 Chaz. 0.90
00:59:57.000 Oh yeah, Chaz Fudge. 0.90
00:59:59.000 So we got callers. 0.99
01:00:00.000 I fucked Chaz Bono at a party once before. 0.99
01:00:01.000 That's terrible. 0.99
01:00:02.000 She was a dude.
01:00:03.000 Oh, okay.
01:00:03.000 That's cool.
01:00:04.000 She was hot. 1.00
01:00:05.000 What was her name before she... Chastity? 1.00
01:00:07.000 Chastity. 0.99
01:00:08.000 We dated for a while.
01:00:09.000 That's kind of an ironic name.
01:00:10.000 Is she banged up?
01:00:10.000 100% of the time I say that, people believe me.
01:00:12.000 Yeah.
01:00:13.000 I don't get it. 0.98
01:00:14.000 I'll be like, I fucked Eva Mendes at a party once and people go, oh, no way. 0.99
01:00:18.000 Really? 0.99
01:00:18.000 How was it? 0.99
01:00:19.000 I've been dreaming about it.
01:00:20.000 No, I did not. 0.90
01:00:21.000 I haven't fucked anyone famous ever. 0.82
01:00:27.000 No one has. 1.00
01:00:28.000 You know what fucks famous people? 0.98
01:00:30.000 Like dancers. 0.97
01:00:32.000 Where is Sonny and Che? 0.98
01:00:35.000 You've never fucked anyone famous, have you, Matty? 0.97
01:00:37.000 No. 1.00
01:00:38.000 No, people don't fuck famous people. 1.00
01:00:40.000 They're unfuckable. 1.00
01:00:41.000 You don't get to meet them. 0.99
01:00:42.000 You're unfuckable? 0.94
01:00:43.000 I've met famous dudes. 0.99
01:00:45.000 I've bumped into some famous chicks. 1.00
01:00:47.000 But the idea of that turning into like... Zero.
01:00:51.000 Yeah.
01:00:52.000 They got too many people around them.
01:00:54.000 Yeah.
01:00:55.000 I remember I met Cameron Diaz once when I was hanging out with Johnny Knoxville and she was like, I like your coat.
01:01:00.000 And I go, you know what's crazy about this coat?
01:01:03.000 It, the button was falling off and then I looked at it recently and now it's back on and it's, it's solid.
01:01:08.000 It's like that fable where the cobbler went to sleep and he woke up and they made him shoes when he was asleep.
01:01:14.000 And she's like, I've never heard that before.
01:01:16.000 And I'm like, what?
01:01:17.000 It's a famous thing.
01:01:18.000 How could you not have heard of that?
01:01:19.000 And she's like, I don't know what you're talking about.
01:01:21.000 And then I started going crazy because I was drunk.
01:01:23.000 And I'm like, look, I don't know the name of it.
01:01:25.000 How could you not know about the sleeping cobbler who wakes up and all his shoes are made?
01:01:31.000 That's like a thing everyone knows.
01:01:32.000 It's like Pinocchio.
01:01:34.000 Who?
01:01:39.000 Pinocchio?
01:01:41.000 We have a caller on the Lena 206.
01:01:45.000 Go ahead there, 206.
01:01:46.000 Yeah, come on. 0.77
01:01:49.000 Hello?
01:01:50.000 Hello?
01:01:50.000 Tess, is that me?
01:01:52.000 Yeah, you're on.
01:01:53.000 Yeah, it's called the L's in the Shoemaker.
01:01:55.000 First of all, thank you, Maddie and friends.
01:01:58.000 Thank you, Maddie and friends.
01:01:59.000 Yes, sir.
01:02:01.000 So here's kind of a technical question.
01:02:05.000 Gavin, you said a long time ago AIU wasn't allowed to use the n-word and he switched it over to
01:02:15.000 I never told AIU he can't say the n-word.
01:02:40.000 You did.
01:02:41.000 No, no, you did.
01:02:42.000 When he joined the platform, you did.
01:02:44.000 That's why he switched.
01:02:46.000 Really?
01:02:47.000 He was not saying bleeps before me?
01:02:49.000 If you look back at his early videos, I've just been going back into the history, and look, I'll leave it there.
01:02:58.000 Thank you for calling.
01:03:00.000 If you get the credit for bleeps, that's so much funnier than anything. 1.00
01:03:04.000 Bleeps is one of the funniest things I've ever heard.
01:03:07.000 And if he didn't use bleeps, and he was always like, yeah, so on Thursday there was about seven niggers who were coming over to the... Then maybe you need to... I don't want to... 1.00
01:03:15.000 That's not cool.
01:03:16.000 Maybe you need to say, I think I'm a genius at using it.
01:03:19.000 Yeah, it's, it's, well, I'm not saying that he isn't.
01:03:23.000 You, you can use it very, very sparingly. 0.98
01:03:27.000 Nigger. 1.00
01:03:27.000 Amen. 1.00
01:03:30.000 Amen to that.
01:03:33.000 Uh, we got more calls.
01:03:35.000 Uh, five, four, one.
01:03:37.000 You're on the run.
01:03:38.000 Go ahead there.
01:03:39.000 Call it.
01:03:42.000 Five, four, one.
01:03:45.000 Don't be shy.
01:03:46.000 You're shy.
01:03:46.000 It's weird.
01:03:47.000 By the way, I was interrupted with that previous caller.
01:03:49.000 The fable is from Grimm's Fairy Tales.
01:03:52.000 It's called The Elves and the Shoemaker.
01:03:55.000 It was also an animated film in 1935.
01:03:58.000 But it's... Am I nuts?
01:04:00.000 Have you guys not heard of it?
01:04:01.000 No, I've heard of it.
01:04:01.000 They come out at night when he's sleeping and they do all his work.
01:04:04.000 Yeah, yeah.
01:04:05.000 Regularly?
01:04:06.000 Yeah. 0.99
01:04:07.000 He was fucked before, like he was about to lose his business. 0.99
01:04:11.000 These awesome elves do all this work. 0.99
01:04:12.000 I had a similar thing.
01:04:14.000 When I would get blackout drunk, I would wake up the next morning and elves had been tweeting using my account.
01:04:20.000 And I would read all these racist tweets they had put out.
01:04:23.000 And I would just delete them all slowly.
01:04:26.000 Hey, bud, you're about to lose your shot.
01:04:27.000 Maybe I'll put you on mute.
01:04:29.000 I'll put you on mute.
01:04:30.000 He's done. 1.00
01:04:31.000 And then he's fucked. 1.00
01:04:32.000 He went poo. 1.00
01:04:34.000 Don't poo at night.
01:04:36.000 Only poo in the morning after your coffee.
01:04:37.000 That's no more poos for the rest of the day.
01:04:40.000 6-3-1, you're on the run.
01:04:41.000 Is this my fault?
01:04:45.000 It's sounding like your fault.
01:04:49.000 It smells of your fault.
01:04:51.000 That's a whiff of fault?
01:04:53.000 Yeah.
01:04:54.000 Okay, we have enough balance on the balance sheet.
01:04:57.000 Volume's up.
01:04:58.000 I'll read... You had the first caller. 1.00
01:05:00.000 Yeah, what the fuck? 0.99
01:05:01.000 Well, you probably pushed a mute button somewhere. 1.00
01:05:06.000 What's up, boys?
01:05:06.000 This is a letter I'm reading now.
01:05:07.000 Please tell me you agree that Weird Al fucking sucks. 1.00
01:05:10.000 Funny music is trash. 1.00
01:05:11.000 I don't listen to music to laugh. 1.00
01:05:12.000 Seems gay as fuck. 1.00
01:05:13.000 Thank you, sir. 1.00
01:05:15.000 I feel the same way about ween. 0.96
01:05:16.000 I hate funny music. 0.96
01:05:20.000 It's like joking during sex. 0.97
01:05:23.000 There is no jokes during intercourse.
01:05:26.000 Even if there's a queef that goes... 0.98
01:05:31.000 Even if a queef is a song, like you know the song, I remember my buddy Aiden, the drummer for Godspeed Your Black Emperor, one time we were sitting around the living room at our punk house on Gladstone and his ass goes... And we go, that's the first three bars of Ugly by Fishbone.
01:05:54.000 Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da.
01:06:01.000 He farted at the beginning of Fishbone. 0.99
01:06:02.000 If I was fucking a girl and she went... Are you playing Fishbone? 1.00
01:06:13.000 No, I'm farting. 1.00
01:06:28.000 If a woman queefed that exact song, I would just be like... You don't break for queefs. 1.00
01:06:33.000 I don't break for queefs. 1.00
01:06:34.000 We have a t-shirt.
01:06:35.000 Exactly.
01:06:37.000 So there's no joking in sex. 0.97
01:06:40.000 You're violating a woman. 0.66
01:06:41.000 It's not a friendly act. 0.70
01:06:43.000 It's a snake eating a mouse.
01:06:45.000 It's not partying with your buds.
01:06:48.000 You're murdering someone.
01:06:50.000 It's an attack. 1.00
01:06:53.000 That's why when you see cats, one cat is like, fucking what is going on? 1.00
01:06:57.000 I was banging this chick one night. 1.00
01:07:01.000 I'm like, oh my God, you're so fucking tight. 1.00
01:07:02.000 She goes, that's because you're in my ass. 1.00
01:07:07.000 Were you going to tell me? 1.00
01:07:08.000 Yeah. 1.00
01:07:11.000 I fucked a girl in the ass once. 1.00
01:07:13.000 Oh, I'm sorry. 1.00
01:07:14.000 And she goes, you fucked me in the ass. 1.00
01:07:16.000 I go, I thought it was your pussy. 1.00
01:07:17.000 And she goes, oh, that's flattering. 1.00
01:07:21.000 That means you can't tell the difference.
01:07:24.000 My wife showed me this Ween song, and I'm totally with you, but I like it.
01:07:29.000 We're the Mollusk.
01:07:30.000 We're weird.
01:07:33.000 It's like Frank Zappa. 0.90
01:07:34.000 You know that same, um, so Bill Maher had Kid Rock on and he said that your music's funny, but it's not like joke funny like music like weird Alan shit, but I think Frank Zappa gets away with that too though, right? 0.86
01:07:46.000 There's no funny guys? 0.82
01:07:48.000 No funny guys.
01:07:48.000 What about Nardwar?
01:07:51.000 What?
01:07:52.000 Nardwuar had that funny song where he's like, there was a dude on the other side of town.
01:07:56.000 Yeah, he's kind of on the border because I don't think he's really kidding.
01:08:00.000 Yeah, he's a weird dude.
01:08:01.000 He is that guy.
01:08:02.000 I think it's an art, just like using the n-word.
01:08:04.000 It's like, you could be funny and musical, but it's rare.
01:08:07.000 And Kid Rock does hit the nail, he hits it.
01:08:09.000 You know?
01:08:10.000 I mean, I'm trying to think of a song where it's kind of sarcastic.
01:08:15.000 Like, they say The Cure.
01:08:17.000 Robert Smith said, we were making fun of pop music.
01:08:20.000 We were doing an elaborate exaggeration of pop and people seemed to like it so we just kept doing it.
01:08:26.000 I can kind of see the cure being a parody, sort of, but that's not obvious like pajama people! 1.00
01:08:33.000 Poor Matty has to live with the guy who worships Frank Zappa.
01:08:37.000 Yeah, that's right. 0.99
01:08:41.000 Giant Frank Zappa dusty fucking sculpture painting in your living room. 0.99
01:08:48.000 You gotta see what he did to his bedroom floor. 1.00
01:08:51.000 No.
01:08:52.000 I guess Frank Zappa liked maroon and black, I guess, these colors.
01:08:57.000 He painted the tiles maroon and black, like checkerboard, and then he put Frank Zappa mustaches in the middle of each one, like painted them.
01:09:06.000 So his floor is tiled?
01:09:08.000 Yeah.
01:09:09.000 Like with, like, bathroom tiles?
01:09:11.000 No, no, no, not ceramic.
01:09:12.000 It's, um... Like linoleum?
01:09:15.000 No, like, uh, they're, uh, commercial tile.
01:09:17.000 Like, um... What the hell is it called?
01:09:20.000 Industrial tile.
01:09:21.000 That you'd have in a kitchen?
01:09:23.000 Like, you know, like a school or an office building.
01:09:25.000 Oh, okay, so linoleum.
01:09:27.000 No, no, no.
01:09:28.000 They're individual things.
01:09:30.000 They're, I mean, what?
01:09:31.000 I'm trying to think.
01:09:31.000 You can have individual linoleum tiles.
01:09:33.000 Yeah, but no, they're not, like, flexible.
01:09:35.000 They're not flexible.
01:09:36.000 Yeah, they're, it's like an industrial tile.
01:09:41.000 But he so did he paint the actual checkerboard or that those tiles? 0.99
01:09:46.000 It must look like shit. 0.99
01:09:47.000 Like did he put tape down? 1.00
01:09:49.000 Oh, he's a professional painter.
01:09:50.000 Yeah, he paints.
01:09:50.000 So he put tape down first, I guess.
01:09:53.000 Yeah, I don't know how he was in there.
01:09:55.000 I was like.
01:09:57.000 And they look like a stencil.
01:09:59.000 It looks like they're all uniform on every floor tile in the middle. 0.98
01:10:03.000 You must have had a stamp or something or borderline gay. 1.00
01:10:07.000 He's got a picture of Frank Zappa in his room in like a Speedo. 0.98
01:10:12.000 Ah, so this is getting homosexual now. 0.84
01:10:14.000 Yeah, it's a little creepy.
01:10:16.000 How are we doing, Sylvia?
01:10:17.000 Are you okay?
01:10:18.000 Yeah, I was just looking at predators who get a pass.
01:10:22.000 We never hear any more about Bill Clinton or Monica Lewinsky.
01:10:28.000 Why did that woman go to jail, sex trafficking, when we don't hear anything about the clients? 1.00
01:10:33.000 Right.
01:10:34.000 Yep.
01:10:35.000 There's a list.
01:10:36.000 Well, Johns get off easy.
01:10:39.000 Yeah.
01:10:41.000 But his name was Bill. 0.92
01:10:44.000 The hookers don't, but Johns do. 1.00
01:10:47.000 You sound like you have some personal experience with that. 0.85
01:10:50.000 No comment.
01:10:55.000 How did you get a picture of that?
01:10:58.000 I'm good.
01:10:59.000 What camera is that?
01:11:00.000 Is that your camera?
01:11:01.000 My little swiveler.
01:11:01.000 Oh, you rotated it.
01:11:03.000 That's all weird looking.
01:11:08.000 Who's gonna be governor of New York?
01:11:11.000 I'm feeling pretty excited about the Led Zeppelin cover band, Lee Zeldin. 1.00
01:11:15.000 Oh no, he's a fucking creep. 1.00
01:11:17.000 He's against abortion even if you've been raped or incest. 1.00
01:11:22.000 He can go fuck himself. 1.00
01:11:24.000 Sounds good to me. 1.00
01:11:25.000 Don't get raped. 1.00
01:11:27.000 I'm just kidding. 1.00
01:11:28.000 Don't mock around in sexy outfits.
01:11:29.000 He's heartless.
01:11:30.000 That is not my official stance. 0.74
01:11:31.000 How he got a pretty wife, as ugly as he is, and beautiful daughters is beyond me.
01:11:38.000 Maybe she went with him because he's got money. 0.74
01:11:43.000 Who knows?
01:11:43.000 5-4-1.
01:11:44.000 We're going to give him a second chance.
01:11:45.000 5-4-1.
01:11:46.000 Hello.
01:11:49.000 I'm just going to keep adding people until I hear something.
01:11:51.000 Yeah, something's up.
01:11:53.000 843?
01:11:54.000 I disconnected, reconnected. 0.99
01:11:55.000 What the fuck is going on? 0.99
01:11:59.000 You're doing something wrong. 1.00
01:12:00.000 Always assume you're doing something wrong.
01:12:02.000 Will Trump run again?
01:12:05.000 Yes. 0.92
01:12:06.000 The hell? 0.84
01:12:10.000 It worked once it did right, and I think we're gonna have to say goodbye to people yeah, I'll read one more letter I was just curious if your Lady Gaga boner had anything to do with a star is born it did for me What a smoke show she's kind of on the edge being weird without Weird-looking which makes her way hotter because she's still a smoke show, but really I would like to make an announcement today formally I now have a boner for Lady Gaga what? 0.99
01:12:33.000 Because she's going to be in Joker 2?
01:12:36.000 The Gucci movie put it over the edge.
01:12:39.000 She was always like Katy Perry. 1.00
01:12:41.000 A woman I knew objectively was an eight, but my dick was gay for her. 1.00
01:12:45.000 Like it felt nothing. 1.00
01:12:47.000 She could be climbing all over me and I'd be like, do you have any Cialis?
01:12:51.000 But then A Star is Born with no makeup was a major winner.
01:12:57.000 And then this put her over the edge.
01:12:59.000 Is that her or Gaga? 0.99
01:13:01.000 Is this the original woman?
01:13:03.000 That's Gaga. 1.00
01:13:04.000 Wow.
01:13:04.000 The original woman is in the black and white arrest photo.
01:13:07.000 What did you think of Liza Minnelli?
01:13:09.000 No thank you.
01:13:11.000 I didn't like her.
01:13:12.000 She got on TV before she got famous and knocked her mother, Judy Garland. 1.00
01:13:19.000 And see?
01:13:20.000 God punished her. 1.00
01:13:21.000 The dumb bitch wound up in a wheelchair. 1.00
01:13:25.000 Did you see that expose documentary about her? 1.00
01:13:28.000 The Liza Minnelli?
01:13:29.000 It's really good.
01:13:32.000 And Lady Gaga, of course. 0.90
01:13:34.000 Your obsession with puns is like some Russian dude who just learned English three years ago.
01:13:39.000 Get it?
01:13:40.000 It's like the lies of Minelli.
01:13:43.000 That is what we are doing here.
01:13:45.000 Okay, folks, we're gonna go behind the paywall and take a lot more calls.
01:13:48.000 Ideally, we get this fixed. 1.00
01:13:51.000 But for your freeloaders, you can go fuck yourselves. 1.00
01:13:54.000 And you understand that the non-freeloaders have to pay a beer and a half a month to enjoy this show. 1.00
01:14:03.000 And it's not just my show. 0.96
01:14:04.000 Matty has his own show where he cooks in his tiny shitty little kitchen. 0.99
01:14:07.000 Oh yeah, Matty's shitty little kitchen. 1.00
01:14:09.000 Split pea soup with smoked ham hocks. 0.91
01:14:11.000 We've got Isabella Riley doing incredibly controversial TV interviews. 1.00
01:14:16.000 And watch what you say about Russians.
01:14:18.000 I'm one quarter Russian.
01:14:20.000 Oh. 1.00
01:14:21.000 Well then you're one quarter shitty. 0.98
01:14:24.000 I'm one quarter what? 0.98
01:14:26.000 What what?
01:14:28.000 We've got
01:14:31.000 We've got Atheism is Unstoppable, Jim Goad, Josh LaCashe.
01:14:37.000 There's more shows on this network per day than you should watch.
01:14:42.000 If you watch every single thing we put out, you don't have a life.
01:14:45.000 And that's a good sign.
01:14:46.000 When I started this, it was just me.
01:14:48.000 And I didn't want to say, new content every day, because it was only really four days a week.
01:14:52.000 There was one show.
01:14:54.000 Now?
01:14:55.000 And we're getting more!
01:14:56.000 You can watch old shows like Milo when he had Nick Fuentes on. 0.97
01:14:59.000 We got all my CRTV shit in there. 0.67
01:15:02.000 We got Milo, Copper Cab, all that old stuff. 0.98
01:15:04.000 Spoke to Copper Cab.
01:15:05.000 Cornell West debating Candace Owens.
01:15:09.000 Punk Rock Patriot.
01:15:10.000 A couple of deep cuts in there.
01:15:12.000 Josh Denny's new show, Big Time Sports City Sports Show.
01:15:17.000 So subscribe, it's worth it.
01:15:18.000 And then unsubscribe if you think you made a mistake.
01:15:21.000 At any rate, I'm gonna go pee and we're gonna come back in about 10 seconds behind the paywall.
01:15:27.000 So for all you freeloaders out there, get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
01:15:41.000 Wait till the sun
01:15:48.000 Get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
01:15:54.000 Violent protest over a speaker on campus here. 1.00
01:15:57.000 Fuck you, Normie. 1.00
01:15:58.000 He is apparently a Canadian writer, actor, comedian. 1.00
01:16:01.000 He's the co-founder of Vice. 1.00
01:16:02.000 Go fuck another vagina, you gross pigs. 1.00
01:16:08.000 Serious XF pulling the plug on Anthony Cuneo this week. 1.00
01:16:11.000 You've got big fucking tits. 1.00
01:16:14.000 See crazy shit, man, crazy shit. 1.00
01:16:17.000 I watched that and I said, this chick's too retarded to fuck. 1.00
01:16:20.000 You shouldn't do it. 1.00
01:16:21.000 They take anything you say and then fucking twist it around. 0.98
01:16:25.000 This is the part of Seth that's going to get real mean before I leave. 1.00
01:16:33.000 No more... Filthy... You... They think we want to tell those kind of jokes. 0.98