Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - GOML LIVE #30

00:00:12.000 Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.

00:00:18.000 Get Off My Lawn Was the boombox there?

00:00:29.000 Uh, no, but my signal isn't here.

00:00:32.000 You fucking tard who waited until the 11th hour to play the show.

00:00:37.000 Like, why are we doing this seconds before the show?

00:00:40.000 This should have been ready at 8.55.

00:00:43.000 Instead, you're like sitting on the toilet playing with your phone.

00:00:46.000 And you don't have to chit.

00:00:52.000 What should we do?

00:00:52.000 Is this live?

00:00:58.000 This is not a good intro.

00:01:00.000 We went boomboxless.

00:01:02.000 No, I don't think that was the flaw.

00:01:05.000 It didn't make things feel different.

00:01:08.000 No, the flaw was the double bass.

00:01:11.000 Let's just start at the beginning.

00:01:13.000 I don't care that it's live.

00:01:16.000 We're going to do it again?

00:01:17.000 Maybe you can learn from your fucking endless mistakes.

00:01:46.000 Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.

00:01:53.000 Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes How was that double bass?

00:02:01.000 That time it wasn't.

00:02:03.000 Yes, it was.

00:02:04.000 I think you heard it from my headphones.

00:02:06.000 Heard it from your headphones?

00:02:07.000 Yeah, because I took them off and it doesn't sound slappy.

00:02:09.000 Yes, it did.

00:02:13.000 Let's try it again.

00:02:16.000 I don't care how many times we have to do this.

00:02:19.000 It's very simple.

00:02:21.000 And this is why I was like, it's 8.54.

00:02:25.000 It's 8.55.

00:02:26.000 And you're like, no, I'd rather just air out my butthole in the bathroom, even though I don't have to shit.

00:02:31.000 I couldn't get into the zone.

00:02:33.000 Well, this is...

00:02:34.000 While I was posting on social media, this is why it's weird What do you mean posting a social media?

00:02:40.000 You had to go to the bathroom to post to social media?

00:02:43.000 No, no, no, but I sat down.

00:02:45.000 Uh-huh.

00:02:46.000 You know, I was like, all right, let's see what's going on here.

00:02:50.000 But why are you seeing what's going on here?

00:02:52.000 If it's five minutes before we do a show, you should be running to the bathroom going, you're not going to believe this.

00:02:57.000 I got explosive diarrhea.

00:02:58.000 I'm so sorry, boss.

00:03:00.000 Not like, hey, I might up to shit.

00:03:02.000 I believe it was nine minutes.

00:03:05.000 Because you said nine minutes time.

00:03:06.000 Okay.

00:03:06.000 Well, at five minutes too, we still didn't have the lights on in the studio.

00:03:13.000 Sure.

00:03:14.000 Yeah, I'm trying to figure out why.

00:03:15.000 Like, everything should be 1000% ready to go.

00:03:17.000 Sorry, 100% ready to go at 8.50.

00:03:20.000 Yeah.

00:03:21.000 This isn't Milo's show.

00:03:24.000 And then when you play the music, it should not be double layered.

00:03:28.000 Like, how have you not figured that out?

00:03:29.000 Yeah, I pressed the same buttons that I always do.

00:03:31.000 I don't know what's happening here.

00:03:32.000 Yeah, it's not you.

00:03:34.000 The machines.

00:03:35.000 Then look, the computers made a mistake again.

00:03:37.000 Stupid computers.

00:03:39.000 Sometimes when I do two times two on my calculator, it'll say six.

00:03:44.000 The computers make mistakes sometimes.

00:03:48.000 I press the one button.

00:03:49.000 Let's see if it doubles.

00:03:52.000 And the queue-up was a total shit show from the gun to the song.

00:03:57.000 That was also pet.

00:03:58.000 Yeah, that was a shit show.

00:04:00.000 Alright, let's try one more time.

00:04:02.000 Wait, I'm not confident it won't slap.

00:04:06.000 Because now I don't know what's now you're on a super echo?

00:04:11.000 Jesus Christ, how long have you been working here?

00:04:14.000 How long is it going to take for you to figure out this fucking equation?

00:04:17.000 How long is it going to take for you to figure out how to make it?

00:04:47.000 We'll be right back.

00:04:50.000 Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.

00:04:57.000 What the fuck was that?

00:05:09.000 There was some other noise going on at the end there.

00:05:15.000 What was that noise?

00:05:16.000 What did it sound like?

00:05:22.000 It sounded like screeching feedback garbage.

00:05:24.000 And by the way, do you now realize in retrospect how stupid it was for you to say, you're probably hearing it from my headphones because it sounded good to me.

00:05:31.000 Well, every time I have my headphones on, I have to keep one ear off because it does slap.

00:05:35.000 There's a delay.

00:05:36.000 I don't know.

00:05:37.000 You see, folks, this is how you stay stupid.

00:05:39.000 You don't learn.

00:05:41.000 You just keep blocking.

00:05:42.000 So someone goes, hey, man, that thing you did, it didn't work.

00:05:45.000 No, I did it the same.

00:05:47.000 Well, I'm just telling you that the driver didn't show up.

00:05:51.000 Well, it's not my fault.

00:05:53.000 Now you can't learn.

00:05:55.000 But if you go, wait, what?

00:05:56.000 The driver didn't show up?

00:05:58.000 Hold on.

00:05:58.000 Let me check.

00:06:00.000 Something didn't work out.

00:06:02.000 It's like, if the driver didn't show up, then we as a collective have a problem here.

00:06:09.000 That's how the brain has to operate.

00:06:10.000 Not like, must be the computer's fault.

00:06:13.000 I did everything I had to do, fucking stupid computers.

00:06:18.000 And when you hear that there's a double bass, the same song is repeating itself, you're like, Gavin's wrong.

00:06:24.000 I don't know what he's talking about.

00:06:26.000 He's probably hearing it from my headphones.

00:06:28.000 This isn't a problem I have today.

00:06:30.000 That's the only anecdote I have because I keep my anecdote.

00:06:34.000 Point of experience, point of privilege?

00:06:36.000 Point of privilege?

00:06:38.000 Point of privilege?

00:06:40.000 No, none of those words are in English.

00:06:43.000 Still not using the language.

00:06:47.000 But I noticed that I get there's a delay between my ears and the thing, so I keep one ear off towards the speaker every time I do the intro, just to make sure it's not slapping.

00:06:55.000 What the fuck has that got to do with what I'm talking about?

00:06:57.000 I said I could hear the intro on top of itself twice.

00:07:00.000 And your rebuttal was, you're probably hearing it from my headphones, like I'm fucking Spider-Man and can hear your headphones.

00:07:09.000 And I'm making a bigger extrapolation and saying that kind of mentality, we're like, nope, this isn't an issue, is how you never learn.

00:07:18.000 That's how you stay stupid.

00:07:20.000 That's how problems don't get fixed.

00:07:22.000 Here's the deal.

00:07:23.000 If the customer isn't happy, then you did something wrong.

00:07:26.000 People have to understand, especially Ryan's generation, culpability, all right?

00:07:31.000 If you take a woman on a date and you take her to Keene's and you're having this awesome time, you take her to, I don't know, some fucking Broadway show that's really hard to get tickets to, and you look at her and she's yawning the whole time.

00:07:44.000 You fucked up.

00:07:46.000 What?

00:07:47.000 Those tickets are like $10,000.

00:07:49.000 It's incredible I got them.

00:07:50.000 I happen to know the guy who wrote the thing.

00:07:52.000 Yeah, I don't give a fuck.

00:07:54.000 She didn't like it.

00:07:55.000 It wasn't for her.

00:07:56.000 You failed.

00:07:58.000 The project didn't move forward.

00:08:01.000 So you don't sit there and go, well, she's a stupid bitch.

00:08:03.000 Keynes is a great place.

00:08:04.000 Unless you don't give a shit about her.

00:08:06.000 But you go, oh, obviously she's not into that.

00:08:08.000 I read her wrong.

00:08:10.000 So with this, you don't go, oh, you must have heard it from my headphones.

00:08:13.000 I didn't do nothing wrong.

00:08:14.000 Yes, you did plenty wrong.

00:08:16.000 Starting with not being ready 15 minutes before and going to give your fucking asshole an air tan.

00:08:24.000 She might also be a stupid bitch, though, too, on top of that.

00:08:28.000 See?

00:08:28.000 This is him in a nutshell.

00:08:30.000 But it's not a denucle.

00:08:33.000 Two things could be true at the same time.

00:08:38.000 Because Keynes is really good.

00:08:44.000 You know what?

00:08:45.000 I'm getting to the point where I think the solution is just like a taser or something when you fuck up.

00:08:52.000 You're like a horse.

00:08:54.000 That's nice.

00:08:55.000 The idea of, hey man, that didn't work out.

00:08:57.000 No, it's my headphones.

00:08:58.000 Well, that didn't work.

00:09:00.000 So maybe learning is impossible and it's just a matter of like a shock collar.

00:09:05.000 You know what might have happened?

00:09:07.000 Some of our guests earlier could have leaned on something.

00:09:10.000 I don't know, because I press the same button all the time.

00:09:12.000 Yeah, you'll notice.

00:09:13.000 Am I coming through the speaker?

00:09:14.000 You'll notice all your solutions involve you not doing anything wrong.

00:09:18.000 It's always like, oh, you heard it from my headphone.

00:09:21.000 Or now the fact that we had someone in the studio earlier, they must have pushed a button.

00:09:25.000 They were leaning on the soundboard, but I'm telling you for a fact.

00:09:28.000 Am I coming through the speaker?

00:09:30.000 No?

00:09:31.000 For a fact, I'm pressing one button.

00:09:31.000 Okay.

00:09:33.000 I've been doing the intro.

00:09:34.000 Was the intro fine yesterday?

00:09:36.000 Yes, but we've had problems with the Buddly Buddy in the past.

00:09:40.000 And then when's the last time that happened?

00:09:42.000 Never ago?

00:09:43.000 Well, we don't usually use that song.

00:09:45.000 So the last two times we've done that intro would be like, we're going back now two weeks because we only do it on Thursdays because we don't get fucked out of YouTube.

00:09:56.000 It comes from the same place, so that's not a valid argument, but I get what you mean.

00:09:56.000 Okay.

00:10:00.000 Oh, that's not a valid argument.

00:10:03.000 Well, then why is it the only time I hear that song repeat itself?

00:10:06.000 That's the only song I hear repeat itself.

00:10:08.000 And what the fuck are you spitting in?

00:10:10.000 That shouldn't bother you at all.

00:10:11.000 Thank you.

00:10:17.000 What the fuck are you doing on the show?

00:10:20.000 You're chewing tobacco?

00:10:22.000 It's dip.

00:10:22.000 It's not chewing.

00:10:24.000 You just leave it there.

00:10:25.000 You don't chew it.

00:10:26.000 Oh, you just sit there and salivate your disgusting brown discharge onto a fucking napkin while I'm trying to concentrate.

00:10:33.000 You know how disgusting that is?

00:10:35.000 You might as well be jerking off.

00:10:37.000 That's gross.

00:10:40.000 I thought we agreed you're not going to do that anymore.

00:10:42.000 No, I agreed not to spit.

00:10:44.000 You are spitting.

00:10:46.000 What's going in the fucking tissue?

00:10:46.000 No, I'm not.

00:10:48.000 Little pieces of the tobacco that get stuck in your mouth is pretty nasty.

00:10:52.000 But I'm swallowing every single gulp.

00:10:54.000 Get that shit out of your fucking mouth and never chew tobacco on the show ever again.

00:11:00.000 I shouldn't be subject to your disgusting, pathetic, weak addictions.

00:11:06.000 A lot of listeners chew tobacco.

00:11:08.000 It's the most American thing.

00:11:09.000 I got a lot of support.

00:11:10.000 People like, dude, ye, yee, you're chewing tobacco, bro.

00:11:14.000 And I was like, yeah.

00:11:15.000 Do a lot of people chew tobacco on television?

00:11:19.000 I'm not on camera doing the things I'm doing.

00:11:23.000 Oh, really?

00:11:23.000 I mean, but I'll stop.

00:11:25.000 You just said, folks at home, this is what I have to deal with.

00:11:29.000 I'm not on camera doing the things I'm doing.

00:11:30.000 And then you see him go, and remove a strand of fucking tobacco on camera.

00:11:35.000 Usually I'm not.

00:11:36.000 Oh, usually.

00:11:36.000 No.

00:11:37.000 You're usually not.

00:11:38.000 Oh, okay.

00:11:39.000 I'm not.

00:11:42.000 I'm pretty close to cancelling this show.

00:11:44.000 I'm pretty close to cancelling this show.

00:11:50.000 But let's talk about Johnny Apple's CBD just briefly.

00:11:53.000 I use Johnny Apple's CBD every day.

00:11:55.000 Helps me recover from my boxing workouts.

00:11:56.000 Gives me the best sleep of my life.

00:11:58.000 Really chills you out at night.

00:11:59.000 If you ever wake up with the sort of tears in the middle of the night, this can help ease the pain.

00:12:06.000 And it helps take the jitters out of coffee, I've noticed, the edible gummies.

00:12:10.000 I told everyone at my gym about them.

00:12:11.000 I've actually brought it to the gym and other guys there use it.

00:12:14.000 And they love it.

00:12:16.000 And if you want to feel as great as I do, go to jacbd.com.

00:12:20.000 Use promo code Gavin and get 20% off all orders plus free shipping.

00:12:25.000 Johnny Apple is made from USA grown hemp, American hemp.

00:12:29.000 There's an office party in the studio next door.

00:12:32.000 And they said, hey, man, we're going to be playing music.

00:12:38.000 We have a friend who plays guitar, who works here.

00:12:40.000 And I said, well, I don't really give a shit.

00:12:42.000 I'll just, as long as I mention it on the air.

00:12:44.000 Thanks, man.

00:12:45.000 Appreciate it.

00:12:46.000 And they just stopped.

00:12:47.000 And I think it might have been the banging and the screaming.

00:12:50.000 Maybe.

00:12:51.000 I think we scared them.

00:12:53.000 Well, it's really inconsiderate for them to do so.

00:12:56.000 So late.

00:12:57.000 No, it's nine o'clock at night.

00:12:59.000 We're in an office building.

00:13:00.000 What's the matter with that?

00:13:02.000 What kind of dick would hey, the fuck's going on?

00:13:06.000 Oh, the person who started this company, you know, we finally just went public and we're all finally making money.

00:13:14.000 We didn't make money for two years.

00:13:15.000 And the vice president is having twins.

00:13:18.000 So it's kind of a double whammy.

00:13:20.000 We're pretty excited.

00:13:21.000 Well, fuck you.

00:13:22.000 And I don't want to hear any music at all.

00:13:26.000 Okay, we'll just quietly watch YouTube videos.

00:13:31.000 It has an amazing selection of gummies, supplements, ointments.

00:13:34.000 Try their new delicious CBD cookies.

00:13:37.000 Are we going to have a giveaway?

00:13:38.000 Yes, we're going to have a giveaway.

00:13:40.000 Post this free part behind the paywall.

00:13:46.000 You will not get high, but you will feel as great as I do every day.

00:13:50.000 And you will have the best sleep of your life.

00:13:52.000 jacbd.com use promo code gavin show the sponsors some love you get the ideas oh damn it i was supposed to wear the shirts thank you for the shirts by the way they were kind of hurt that you took the shirt off and threw it really yeah because they made that especially for us okay thank you very much johnny apple cbd fist hurts quite a bit from you being the most annoying person in the world it's one thing for

00:14:22.000 people to fuck up and just be like, oh, goddammit, again, with the intro doubling over itself.

00:14:27.000 Fuck.

00:14:28.000 I have to make sure I figure that out and figure out why it does that and what the problem is.

00:14:33.000 Sorry, boss.

00:14:34.000 Won't happen again.

00:14:35.000 But all these dumb fucking excuses where you just can't be wrong.

00:14:39.000 Like, you're hearing it through my headphones.

00:14:42.000 Or why are you getting notifications on your screen?

00:14:45.000 If we're going to show a video and you're getting notifications, it's very difficult to notif-gay.

00:14:51.000 Yeah.

00:14:52.000 Like, how do you not know to not have that on your screen?

00:14:54.000 That's not a thing.

00:14:56.000 And then he'll have an excuse.

00:14:58.000 I'm not going to say it.

00:14:59.000 I'm not going to say it.

00:15:01.000 Yeah, no, it's a computer.

00:15:03.000 I never do anything wrong.

00:15:06.000 All right, we're 15 minutes in.

00:15:10.000 My hand hurts.

00:15:12.000 Did you use an uppercut, a right hook, or a...

00:15:16.000 Yeah, I'm about to show you something.

00:15:19.000 I don't think we'll do it right now, this second.

00:15:21.000 Yeah, maybe we should do it this second.

00:15:22.000 What I did, in the world of boxing, that particular move I just did, is an illegal move.

00:15:28.000 If a boxer maybe goes low and he's below you and you start bonking him on the back of the head, you will lose a point.

00:15:34.000 At least.

00:15:36.000 Probably a point per punch.

00:15:38.000 But I've actually, I worked hard this week.

00:15:42.000 Actually, I recorded this on Tuesday and Ryan finally had it ready about an hour before we started the show.

00:15:49.000 Because why have things ready on time?

00:15:50.000 Why, like, why not just wait till the 11th hour?

00:15:54.000 It's factually inaccurate.

00:15:55.000 What is factually inaccurate?

00:15:56.000 I had to wait for you to okay it today.

00:15:58.000 But you didn't see it.

00:16:00.000 I came in this morning and the cards still weren't made.

00:16:03.000 Afternoon.

00:16:04.000 No.

00:16:05.000 Late afternoon.

00:16:06.000 I came in this morning.

00:16:07.000 You were not here.

00:16:07.000 You were still in fucking...

00:16:10.000 Okay, gotcha.

00:16:11.000 Well...

00:16:12.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:16:13.000 So, the cards still weren't made.

00:16:15.000 That's why, if you'll notice, when you finally came into the office and looked at your computer, it was in Premiere showing the card.

00:16:21.000 That was Dad's way of saying, where are the fucking cards?

00:16:24.000 I see, I see.

00:16:26.000 Did you even notice that?

00:16:26.000 Yes.

00:16:27.000 But that was done hours ago.

00:16:28.000 Did you even notice that?

00:16:29.000 Yes, yes.

00:16:30.000 Yeah.

00:16:31.000 Hours ago.

00:16:32.000 It's nine o'clock and you had this, we had this footage on Tuesday and it's ready hours before.

00:16:39.000 Do you think that's good?

00:16:40.000 Do you think that's you kicking ass?

00:16:42.000 Plus, I take the kids away before the Thursday show.

00:16:47.000 So, when I come in, I have to start right away.

00:16:49.000 I don't have time to mull things over.

00:16:50.000 So, it was factually accurate, actually.

00:16:55.000 Three hours.

00:16:56.000 When you take away me with the kids on Thursdays, the amount of time I had when this thing was finally done was down to the last fucking second.

00:16:56.000 Yeah.

00:17:05.000 Three hours ago, it was done.

00:17:08.000 Yeah.

00:17:09.000 I take the kids away for three hours before the Thursday show.

00:17:14.000 But what does that have to do with me finishing the video that you've already okayed the changes for?

00:17:17.000 No, I hadn't okayed the changes for it.

00:17:19.000 No, you did.

00:17:19.000 Oh, you did?

00:17:19.000 Holy fucking shit.

00:17:22.000 You left after the changes were made and that video was finalized and pushed out.

00:17:22.000 You did.

00:17:26.000 Yes.

00:17:27.000 No, it hadn't been exported yet.

00:17:29.000 I left when I had to leave and I had just okayed it because it was just finished.

00:17:35.000 So, that's called the 11th hour.

00:17:38.000 That's factually accurate, shit for brains.

00:17:43.000 Three hours before is the final hour.

00:17:45.000 If you hit me...

00:17:47.000 I don't even fucking mind!

00:17:48.000 If you really hit me, I'm going to hurt you.

00:17:49.000 Yeah, best of luck.

00:17:51.000 Really?

00:17:52.000 Yeah, really.

00:17:54.000 I mean, it would be pretty savage.

00:17:56.000 Oh, really?

00:17:57.000 It would be pretty savage, would it?

00:17:59.000 Yeah, it would have to be.

00:18:00.000 Three hours before is too late when the guy's not going to be here.

00:18:08.000 If I was staying in the studio from three hours before till now, then that would still suck because it's still three hours before.

00:18:17.000 But this was the second before I had to leave.

00:18:20.000 But my only problem, this is my last thing I'll say, why didn't you look at the video when you came in now?

00:18:26.000 Because that would be...

00:18:27.000 Don't you have to look at it again if it's not done?

00:18:29.000 If it wasn't done, wouldn't you have to look at it right now?

00:18:33.000 Wouldn't you have had to look at it when you came in the office right now?

00:18:36.000 I didn't say it wasn't done.

00:18:37.000 I said it was done at the 11th hour.

00:18:39.000 I think three hours is a really nice buffer time.

00:18:42.000 Not if someone's going to be gone for those three hours, you fucking nitwitch!

00:18:46.000 Sure, you're gone.

00:18:47.000 But your argument is that you have to come back and watch the video, which you didn't.

00:18:50.000 No, that's not my argument.

00:18:50.000 So, what happened there?

00:18:52.000 Here's the deal.

00:18:55.000 if i have to leave at five right and i'm gone till nine right yep then five and nine conflate and now something done at 459 is just as bad as something done at 859.

00:19:10.000 okay i got you i got you this is not rocket science sure sure i don't know if i can do this show So anyway, fuck up number 950.

00:19:33.000 And by the way, have you done the mass shooting video yet?

00:19:36.000 Um, no, I have it in premiere though.

00:19:39.000 Because priority was the boxing video and then the mass shooting video.

00:19:42.000 But why does it take, why did, why does footage arrive on Tuesday and it's done at the 11th hour on Thursday?

00:19:48.000 Why does something take 48 hours?

00:19:50.000 With the boxing thing?

00:19:52.000 Yeah.

00:19:52.000 Well, it barely took any editing.

00:19:56.000 You had to, well, no, there's a lot of really subtle things there that had to be done.

00:20:00.000 Like the end, like that little, a couple of seconds matter and all the timing of it.

00:20:04.000 Because you gotta have good comedic timing in it.

00:20:07.000 And then you also don't want to have any fat there, so you trim all the fat, make sure the cards are right, make sure the volume is right.

00:20:11.000 I want to add little music.

00:20:15.000 I think I'm just gonna edit these things for now on.

00:20:17.000 You could.

00:20:18.000 Yeah.

00:20:19.000 I gotta teach you how to use hotkeys because you use the mouse too much.

00:20:23.000 Yeah, I have a feeling if I use the mouse too much, we're still gonna be about 20 hours faster with the video.

00:20:34.000 I think you're in over your head with these extra edits.

00:20:41.000 Well, we ruined the neighbor's party.

00:20:47.000 Should we briefly mention the blue chew?

00:20:49.000 Yeah.

00:20:49.000 All right, well, let's show this.

00:20:51.000 This was apparently 40 hours of work to show you five important punches you can use in the art of boxing.

00:21:13.000 Hey guys, I'm just going to show you some basic punches here so you can be more alert in the ring and take out basically any opponent you want.

00:21:22.000 You can be a welterweight, you can take out a heavyweight, as long as you follow the sweet science, the art of boxing.

00:21:27.000 So the first move I'm going to show you is just your basic jab.

00:21:31.000 The jab isn't just to hurt the guy.

00:21:33.000 It's also to sort of feel out where he is and see if you can set yourself up for a right.

00:21:39.000 So the left has got a lot to do with it.

00:21:41.000 And you'll see, you watch someone like Connor McGregor, and his left is what wins him his fights.

00:21:46.000 So this is just, I'm going to show you the basics of the jab.

00:21:50.000 Right, you've got your stance in there.

00:21:53.000 You want to feel him out, see where he is, where he's at.

00:21:59.000 So you get the idea with the jab.

00:22:02.000 The next one I'm going to show you is the left hook.

00:22:06.000 Now the thing about the left hook is it's all about where you strategically place your body.

00:22:11.000 It's hard to get up close to someone when they're bigger.

00:22:14.000 And so with the left hook, you want to sort of get to the side of him and then use your body to swivel and nail him in the head.

00:22:25.000 First, you sort of sized up.

00:22:25.000 Okay?

00:22:27.000 Okay.

00:22:37.000 All right.

00:22:39.000 Try it, boy.

00:22:40.000 Just get inside your cap.

00:22:43.000 Okay.

00:22:48.000 Okay.

00:22:49.000 And then this next punch is, of course, right, right cross.

00:22:53.000 Now the deceiving thing about the right cross is this isn't where the power is.

00:22:57.000 This is where the power is.

00:22:59.000 When you do a right, it's coming from the hips.

00:23:02.000 So twisting your ankle out like that is really what delivers a punch.

00:23:05.000 This is just the messenger, okay?

00:23:07.000 Don't kill the messenger.

00:23:08.000 I'm going to show you how to do a right and how you can take anyone out using your hips.

00:23:26.000 So you may have noticed that this guy is doing a lot of body shots to me.

00:23:30.000 That's smart, and I commend that.

00:23:35.000 When you're with someone who's a lot taller than you, you sometimes can't reach the head.

00:23:39.000 You can't get up there.

00:23:40.000 We use this headhunter bag to practice that.

00:23:43.000 But if he's up there, that's okay.

00:23:45.000 Forget the head.

00:23:46.000 You want to do body blows.

00:23:47.000 Body blows are some of the most powerful blows that you can give to a guy.

00:23:51.000 And with these big tall guys, it's how you take them down.

00:23:54.000 I'm going to show you some basics on the body ball.

00:24:14.000 This one is kind of a trick.

00:24:16.000 Dirty fool, we call it.

00:24:19.000 And what I like to do is, it's part of the body thing.

00:24:24.000 You go down low, nail the body, right?

00:24:26.000 So he's like, oh, this guy's down here, hit my body.

00:24:29.000 Then you surprise him with an overhand right.

00:24:32.000 It's like getting attacked by a fighter jet.

00:24:34.000 They never see it coming, and it's a surefire way to take out a big guy.

00:24:39.000 Go to the body, over and right.

00:24:39.000 Okay?

00:25:02.000 So that's basically how you can beat the shit out of anyone.

00:25:06.000 just using those five moves This episode is sponsored by Blue Chew.

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00:26:27.000 If you remember on a show a long time ago, I think one of my teeth is loose now.

00:26:34.000 We were talking about Robert Downey Jr. and how terribly he's dressed in all movies.

00:26:40.000 I initially had a theory that he was boning his stylist and she was incompetent, but because he was fucking her and I guess she had stuff on him, then she got away with her incompetence and just her whole career was blowing RDJ on the side and then styling him.

00:26:58.000 Readers wrote in with better theories.

00:27:01.000 So I'm losing that.

00:27:02.000 That one's in the garbage now.

00:27:04.000 And I'm going with a viewer-submitted theory that he said, I'm kind of a fashion guy, so I'll be handling most of my styling.

00:27:13.000 You can have a stylist, and I'm open to her input, but I am kind of, I kind of do it myself because it's just so alarmingly consistent and has been his entire career.

00:27:22.000 I saw back to school the other night with the kids because someone at the bar said, oh my God, that movie's so funny.

00:27:29.000 This was like a 60-year-old, especially when they're talking about business and Rodney Dangerfield goes, well, first you got to pay off the unions.

00:27:40.000 Then you got to make sure sanitation is taken care of.

00:27:42.000 Then you got to make sure these, and he starts talking about all the guys you have to bribe to build a factory because they were talking about how to start a business.

00:27:48.000 And I thought, that sounds funny.

00:27:49.000 I'm going to put on that movie.

00:27:51.000 The kids were bored shitless.

00:27:52.000 It's a really predictable, uninteresting film that goes nowhere.

00:27:57.000 I mean, picture it in your head.

00:27:59.000 Nouveau Rich guy, Rodney Dangerfield, goes back to school.

00:28:02.000 Yeah, that's the movie.

00:28:04.000 You're done.

00:28:05.000 You can just sit in a chair and close your eyes.

00:28:07.000 And it's exactly what you think it's going to be.

00:28:11.000 But again, RDJ is in it.

00:28:14.000 And he looks way tulier.

00:28:16.000 Oh, it was the 80s.

00:28:17.000 No, no, no.

00:28:18.000 I was around in the 80s.

00:28:20.000 This is a different level.

00:28:21.000 Can you show some of these ensembles he had?

00:28:24.000 He has this dye in his hair that's just like blue chalk and pink chalk.

00:28:29.000 It's not real dye.

00:28:31.000 Or then this picture, I don't even understand it.

00:28:34.000 You see the one where he has the plane through his head?

00:28:37.000 He's wearing that to a football game.

00:28:39.000 But underneath the helmet, he's wearing a hair net.

00:28:43.000 Yeah, and he has a gas mask.

00:28:44.000 Is this part of your school?

00:28:46.000 And then you go up a bit, and he's got on a pirate blouse.

00:28:52.000 It really is.

00:28:53.000 I think in the top left of this entire thing, you'll see a gif that really sums up what a fucking useless tool he is.

00:28:59.000 Yeah, there we go.

00:29:00.000 He has not changed one iota from that.

00:29:03.000 And he was just on Joe Rogan.

00:29:05.000 I'm not sure how much we're allowed to show without getting in trouble from the powers at YouTube.

00:29:10.000 The fact that we're still on YouTube stuns no one more than me.

00:29:14.000 But, God, he was on Roe.

00:29:17.000 It's kind of hard to be a douche on Rogan.

00:29:19.000 Even someone like me comes across as pretty likable.

00:29:22.000 But what a fucking LA tool.

00:29:25.000 First of all, what is with his shirt?

00:29:27.000 He's got like a $170 t-shirt on and then some skateboard wheel amulet made of turquoise.

00:29:35.000 The fuck is that?

00:29:37.000 What is that?

00:29:38.000 Of course, can you imagine how much stupid meaning it has behind it?

00:29:42.000 It's some kundalini thing.

00:29:44.000 What's kundalini?

00:29:45.000 Some sort of yoga meditational gay.

00:29:48.000 Oh, fuck.

00:29:49.000 I love how all these Hollywood atheists are so above religion, they don't need it.

00:29:53.000 And then all they do is try to simulate religion.

00:29:57.000 I don't need God.

00:29:58.000 And then Madonna's got her whole name is a mockery of Catholicism.

00:30:02.000 And then she's got the red thread on because she's in a fucking thing.

00:30:06.000 Or even Joe Rogan is like, I don't need that man in the sky, the stupid made-up traditions.

00:30:11.000 Like Lent.

00:30:12.000 I'm going to ghost for sober October.

00:30:14.000 Oh, so Lent, but a different month.

00:30:16.000 Okay, wow, you're really thriving without religion.

00:30:19.000 Or even Stern with his therapy every single day.

00:30:23.000 I don't need religion.

00:30:24.000 I got my own shit going on.

00:30:25.000 What the fuck's going on with my life?

00:30:27.000 Who am I?

00:30:29.000 Every single day.

00:30:30.000 Anyway, so in this, Joe Rogan, who's a pretty cool guy, can't help but notice what a douche his guest is and says, what the fuck?

00:30:39.000 What is that an Iron Man thing?

00:30:40.000 What are you doing?

00:30:43.000 So I was doing this before.

00:30:45.000 No, it's not Q-Man.

00:30:47.000 Are you concerned with wearing around your neck?

00:30:49.000 Being as you are obviously known as being Iron Man.

00:30:49.000 Yes.

00:30:52.000 Are you concerned with wearing a large thing in the exact same spot?

00:30:57.000 Did you ever think of that?

00:30:58.000 How phony is that laugh?

00:31:00.000 Pretty bad.

00:31:02.000 This whole thing.

00:31:06.000 I'm not uncomfortable at all with you noticing that I'm a dork.

00:31:10.000 I was doing this before I ever got fitted for the RT.

00:31:14.000 So it was more of a...

00:31:17.000 Now, Ryan, the uneducated duel who only knows comic voice had to explain this to me.

00:31:22.000 But RT is the name of the suit.

00:31:26.000 The chest thing.

00:31:28.000 Oh, the chest thing is called the RT.

00:31:28.000 Yeah.

00:31:30.000 The RT node, yes.

00:31:32.000 The RT node.

00:31:33.000 So he's talking like we all know what an RT node is.

00:31:37.000 It's pretty bad.

00:31:39.000 Meanwhile, he's wearing a razor scooter wheel on his neck.

00:31:42.000 What the fuck is that?

00:31:45.000 Like, I want to just break it off and then not be dramatic.

00:31:47.000 Just like place it in the garbage and say, let's go.

00:31:50.000 Art imitating.

00:31:51.000 Like, I don't want to smash it against the wall.

00:31:53.000 It just needs to go.

00:31:54.000 It's like when someone has lettuce in their beard and you're like, you got some lettuce there from your Big Mac.

00:31:59.000 Just get it off.

00:32:00.000 Let's move on.

00:32:01.000 Oh, really?

00:32:02.000 Well, go back, go back.

00:32:02.000 Yeah.

00:32:02.000 Oh.

00:32:07.000 So wait, wait, I need to see the way he says RT.

00:32:11.000 The RT that we all know of.

00:32:12.000 RT.

00:32:13.000 Did you ever think of that?

00:32:15.000 Life is funny because I was doing this before I ever got fitted for the RT.

00:32:20.000 Wearing cornball jewelry that you wear when you're 13.

00:32:20.000 Doing what?

00:32:23.000 There's that phase when you're 13 and you see your mom's jewelry box and your mom's probably cheap so she has a bunch of dumb shit like an Ankh.

00:32:31.000 And you're like, maybe I'm going to become medallion guy, and then you have a turquoise wheel around your neck for maybe a day, and you go, Yeah, no, I'm not fucking.

00:32:41.000 You might even have a turtleneck.

00:32:42.000 You're like, Nope, that was a dumb idea.

00:32:44.000 That's fucking embarrassing.

00:32:45.000 That was up there with my fucking shark tooth earring.

00:32:48.000 It's it's one of those two-day things that you have as a little kid.

00:32:53.000 For me in high school, it was double mint gum for like a week.

00:32:56.000 I was like, I'm the double mint gum guy.

00:33:00.000 So it was more of art imitating oddball stuff I was doing anyway.

00:33:06.000 I'm talking about fashion and dumb things you do.

00:33:08.000 Double mint gum is the thing you put in your mouth.

00:33:08.000 Fashion.

00:33:11.000 Yeah, but I tried to make it my thing.

00:33:12.000 Anybody want some gum?

00:33:13.000 And I'd always be chewing double mint like I need it, like a cartoon character?

00:33:16.000 Yeah, that's not really the same thing.

00:33:18.000 Like Popeye would.

00:33:19.000 Oh.

00:33:19.000 Oh, really?

00:33:19.000 Yeah.

00:33:20.000 Well, but Iron Man, obviously.

00:33:21.000 Look, he's trying to make that trippy.

00:33:23.000 He's so used to talking to sycophants that it's exactly like fucking, what's his name from Empire?

00:33:30.000 Not Juicy Smollet, but...

00:33:34.000 Terrence Howard.

00:33:35.000 Terrence Howard, Symbos, who sees the various Symbos.

00:33:39.000 And the way he talks, you're like, I know, I've seen this a lot with black guys with green eyes.

00:33:45.000 Not that he has green eyes, but I have noticed this.

00:33:47.000 They're used to people going like this when they talk.

00:33:50.000 And rich, famous people who are kind of articulate, like Terrence, are used to just farting bullshit at pretty girls.

00:33:59.000 And they're so happy to be here that they're like, that makes sense.

00:34:02.000 One in one is not two, which is literally what he says.

00:34:07.000 And I kind of figured it out this week, too.

00:34:09.000 Remember he said you can either, now I'm getting caught up in what he calls Terenceology.

00:34:14.000 He said, for every action, there's an equal and opposite reaction.

00:34:18.000 So, and he says that's physics.

00:34:20.000 Yet when you go one times one, that's an action, but you're left with one.

00:34:25.000 So you had an action, but you didn't have a reaction.

00:34:29.000 And it's like, Terence, math is not physics.

00:34:34.000 I can't believe I have to say this, but when you say one times one, it's the number of groups of one there are.

00:34:40.000 How many groups of ones are there?

00:34:42.000 There's only one.

00:34:43.000 Hi, I'm a one.

00:34:43.000 Okay.

00:34:45.000 There we go.

00:34:47.000 It's not like you gave the one an electrical shock.

00:34:50.000 So I know that sounds fucking retarded that I have to explain that, but he's taken that silly mistake and he's leaving acting to pursue Terenceology.

00:35:00.000 Because they have the, what does he call them again?

00:35:03.000 Teriology, the flower of life?

00:35:05.000 No, there's the flower of life, but he says, I've seen that.

00:35:07.000 By the way, why aren't you pulling up Terrence Howard talking about this shit and showing his fucking gifts?

00:35:14.000 I don't know how long of a what does he say?

00:35:19.000 The aquatic, we find the radiatic equations or some shit?

00:35:23.000 Sounds about right.

00:35:24.000 That actually might make more sense than what he's saying.

00:35:28.000 The beauty of finding a Terrence Howard clip when he talks about Terenceology is you just jump in anywhere.

00:35:34.000 And it's gold.

00:35:34.000 Anywhere.

00:35:36.000 That's a reaction, right?

00:35:37.000 Oh, this is the exact point.

00:35:39.000 That thinks one times one equals one.

00:35:42.000 Then you give me two pounds and I'll give you a pound back.

00:35:45.000 And we'll call that even, right?

00:35:48.000 Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.

00:35:49.000 I'm sorry.

00:35:50.000 I know we've already covered this in the show a million times, but he's now not even caught up on his own Terenceology.

00:35:56.000 So he says one times one is two, right?

00:36:00.000 But he just fucked up his own logic and he just said, if you think one times one is one, then give me two pounds and I'll give you a pound back.

00:36:09.000 That's not what you say, dude.

00:36:12.000 You say one times one is two.

00:36:13.000 That doesn't mean two equals one.

00:36:16.000 You know what I'm saying?

00:36:18.000 He finds it funny, this guy.

00:36:21.000 Oh, that would be so fun, by the way, if you're with someone, like, say that's his girlfriend right next to her.

00:36:27.000 And you know what I like to do in situations like that?

00:36:29.000 You just sort of, like, say someone's being a fucking freak, but it's a place where you can't say, why are you being a freak?

00:36:35.000 So I'll just like take my elbow to my wife's elbow or whatever and just sort of go.

00:36:41.000 And then they push back, like, what the fuck is going on?

00:36:46.000 Until you could crush a mouse with the force of the two elbows.

00:36:52.000 Just like, what?

00:36:54.000 And then you maybe use your knee and your knee is going against her knee like, what the fuck is Ted?

00:36:59.000 We need to get the fuck out of here.

00:37:02.000 Like one time we were on a cruise and we went downstairs to they had a comedy club on the cruise ship.

00:37:08.000 And I was had a few beers and I was like, let's sit at the fucking front.

00:37:13.000 And we sat at the very front and he sucked.

00:37:15.000 And then I was like, how am I going to get out of here?

00:37:18.000 Without standing up and walking in front of everyone saying, not a fan.

00:37:26.000 Anyway, let's see more RDJ because he talks like Terrence Howard, which is, I'm a genius.

00:37:33.000 Oddball stuff I was doing anyway.

00:37:36.000 It was more of art imitating oddball stuff I was doing anyway.

00:37:41.000 Yeah.

00:37:41.000 Oh, really?

00:37:42.000 Just pause.

00:37:43.000 He thinks that's really trippy.

00:37:45.000 That Iron Man has a circle in his chest and he wears big medallions.

00:37:49.000 That's art imitating life.

00:37:51.000 Even though Iron Man had that stupid shit on his chest before Robert Dennett Jr. was born.

00:37:56.000 Isn't Iron Man from like the 30s or some shit?

00:38:00.000 It's pretty old.

00:38:02.000 But Iron Man, that's even more interesting because maybe you were born to be Iron Man because Iron Man from the comic books.

00:38:09.000 Loosely prearranged destiny.

00:38:12.000 And what's incredible is how far afield you can go from it and still find your way back.

00:38:19.000 Yeah.

00:38:21.000 Very profound, Terrence.

00:38:23.000 RDJ, would you say there's symbos in the cosmos?

00:38:28.000 There are symboss.

00:38:30.000 There's the flower of life.

00:38:33.000 Look at him.

00:38:34.000 He's the worst dressman in America.

00:38:37.000 Look at that fucking jacket.

00:38:39.000 What is that track suit?

00:38:42.000 He has been doing that for a while, though.

00:38:45.000 He dresses like someone who was in a super bad motorcycle accident and they were dealing meth at the time and they have head trauma, but they're also under house arrest.

00:38:54.000 So he's like in his house, but he's also being creative in his house and wearing like a tracksuit he made Or his friend's mom's hat.

00:39:05.000 Look at that.

00:39:06.000 House arrest is fun.

00:39:07.000 You'd be surprised.

00:39:09.000 Look, I'm Tony Stark today.

00:39:11.000 I watched all the Marvel movies.

00:39:13.000 It took me two days.

00:39:17.000 Fucking loser.

00:39:19.000 This is one thing we've learned on the show: that rich, successful people can be losers.

00:39:24.000 And I don't think I learned that until very recently.

00:39:26.000 Until Jack Ma.

00:39:27.000 Until Jack Ma.

00:39:28.000 Jack Ma, the Michael Scott of billionaires, and even Elon Musk.

00:39:32.000 Have you seen his stupid dance he did in China?

00:39:36.000 He was dancing like that fucking Teresa May dance where she comes in like Slender Man and has her weird praying mantis legs and she's going, hey, I'm fun.

00:39:46.000 And then you had fucking our own Jack Ma totally rocking.

00:39:51.000 What's his accent now?

00:39:52.000 Is he South African?

00:39:53.000 South African, yeah.

00:39:54.000 See the African.

00:39:56.000 Shoot the bon!

00:39:58.000 Shoot to kill!

00:40:01.000 I'm fun.

00:40:03.000 I'm kind of crazy.

00:40:05.000 Is he trying to get Asian pussy in China by being fun?

00:40:14.000 Yeah, maybe he likes a certain type of Chinese that's like a tribe and he learned their mating dance.

00:40:19.000 By the way, how fucking gay must this party be next door?

00:40:24.000 Because it's pretty loud, right?

00:40:26.000 So he probably bought his PV amp to the office.

00:40:29.000 They all know him.

00:40:30.000 This is exactly like the office with David Brent.

00:40:33.000 Free love on the hot love highway where the love is free.

00:40:37.000 My baby is gone.

00:40:38.000 She's dead.

00:40:39.000 She's not dead.

00:40:40.000 We have David Brent behind us because he's been playing songs now.

00:40:45.000 Like he's a set.

00:40:46.000 So they can't talk.

00:40:48.000 It's too loud for them to talk.

00:40:50.000 Right?

00:40:51.000 Yeah.

00:40:52.000 So that means everyone who works with Roy is watching him right now seeing Brown Eyed Girl going.

00:40:58.000 And I guarantee you, elbows are pushing elbows really hard.

00:41:02.000 There's footage from next door.

00:41:04.000 I would make myself barf and then say, oh, I barfed.

00:41:08.000 Food poisoning.

00:41:09.000 I should probably go.

00:41:11.000 Love to hear more Brown-Eyed Girl.

00:41:14.000 La la la la.

00:41:18.000 Racial.

00:41:19.000 She's the serpent who guards the gates of hell.

00:41:28.000 Pretty girl.

00:41:29.000 Way too many reads.

00:41:31.000 I'm supposed to do two more in the next 15 minutes.

00:41:35.000 Sheesh.

00:41:36.000 I'm not doing that.

00:41:38.000 I'll take the financial hit.

00:41:40.000 Anyway, this brings up our first important story of the show.

00:41:46.000 My new obsession is women who control their men.

00:41:49.000 Now, I saw this post from Chelsea Paretti, who comes from an amoral family.

00:41:56.000 Her brother, Jordan Peretti, terrorized people.

00:42:00.000 John Lott, he made up a fake email address and said he was John Lott to fuck with John for writing More Guns, Less Crime or being a gun advocate.

00:42:11.000 John had to sue him, even though he didn't have the finances.

00:42:16.000 Jordan, what's his name?

00:42:17.000 Jordan Peretti, Chelsea's brother.

00:42:19.000 He also was starting some sort of dating app, singles app, and there was someone else already doing exactly that and had his exact same business plans.

00:42:26.000 So what he did was he took their URL, changed it a bit, and then made that his thing and started using that email to fuck with them.

00:42:35.000 So he's like a ruthless, immoral saboteur.

00:42:39.000 Jonah.

00:42:39.000 Jonah Peretti, yeah.

00:42:41.000 So she comes from a shitstain family, right?

00:42:45.000 And it was the family they based Get Out On, if you will.

00:42:49.000 Oh, yeah.

00:42:52.000 But which is funny because Chelsea Pretty's stepmom is black, but they obviously indulge in this role of we're evil white people, even though I think they probably are evil white people.

00:43:03.000 Anyway, sorry.

00:43:03.000 So she writes this tweet, and it's just classic leftist Hollywood shit.

00:43:09.000 I like Warren and I like Bernie.

00:43:10.000 I like Warren more, but I'll be happy with either.

00:43:13.000 But also, is it all rigged and going to be heavily influenced by misinformation campaigns and endless racism and fear of progress?

00:43:22.000 What does that mean?

00:43:24.000 And climate denial and deep corruption and voter suppression, et cetera?

00:43:27.000 Let me know.

00:43:29.000 And I was looking at that going, oh, I kind of see better why Jordan Peele is a douche.

00:43:35.000 Like why he's a dickweed.

00:43:37.000 He's a talented guy, and Kiam Peele was some of the finest comedy ever made.

00:43:44.000 And, you know, it wasn't affirmative action.

00:43:47.000 They weren't given that gig because they're black.

00:43:49.000 They were given that gig because they are fucking hilarious.

00:43:52.000 And you can look up their viral videos on YouTube, and they all have a billion, zillion hits because they're fucking high quality.

00:43:58.000 Like the one where the guy was like, he had penises on his desk.

00:44:02.000 He was a gay dude and he's listening to ass fucking music and stuff.

00:44:05.000 And the Jordan Peel character was like, can you calm down, please?

00:44:08.000 He's like, oh, we got a homophobe in the house.

00:44:10.000 What's the matter?

00:44:10.000 You got a problem with faggots?

00:44:12.000 And the guy was like, no, just please turn your music down and not, don't have dicks everywhere.

00:44:16.000 I'm at work.

00:44:17.000 Yeah, that sketch.

00:44:18.000 And then at the end of it, the guy you don't think is gay's boyfriend shows up.

00:44:22.000 His name incidentally is Gavin.

00:44:24.000 And then the gay dude goes, oh, it's not because I'm gay.

00:44:29.000 Huh?

00:44:30.000 Maybe I'm just an asshole.

00:44:32.000 Wow.

00:44:33.000 I was like, wow, that is fucking perfect.

00:44:35.000 It's poignant.

00:44:36.000 And then he gets in with Chelsea Peretti.

00:44:36.000 What a genius.

00:44:38.000 And the next thing you know, he's making movies about how white people are evil and they want to kill everyone.

00:44:42.000 And what's his latest project?

00:44:43.000 Oh, yeah.

00:44:44.000 We were talking about this yesterday.

00:44:46.000 Nazi Hunter.

00:44:48.000 It's a squad with like a cool blaxploitation chick and a cool Jew ninja.

00:44:55.000 And they go through the streets and they find Nazis who are, by the way, everywhere.

00:44:59.000 Oh, they're everywhere.

00:45:01.000 Actual Nazis from World War II and then new Nazis who just like, I don't know what they do with their Nazism.

00:45:07.000 They just like shoot Jews from the top of a building or something.

00:45:10.000 And these guys go in there and they kill them all.

00:45:13.000 Shoot them in the face.

00:45:14.000 Haha, Nazi.

00:45:15.000 This is misfucking.

00:45:17.000 Anyway, my theory here, I'm postulating, is that Jordan is just so happy to be with Chelsea that he's become a chick, an annoying liberal chick who Shoves their dumb racist identity politics down your throat everywhere they go.

00:45:33.000 Even though Jordan Poole grew up white in the Upper West Side with his white mom, his black dad not around.

00:45:41.000 And it brings me to another, even bigger deal with this pussy whippedness.

00:45:45.000 There's two layers of pussy whipped, right?

00:45:48.000 There's Jordan Peel, who grew up without a dad, so he's probably naturally subservient to women.

00:45:53.000 So he gets Chelsea and he's like, I'm your bitch.

00:45:57.000 What should I do?

00:45:58.000 Oh, a bunch of shit about how everything's racist.

00:46:01.000 I'm in.

00:46:01.000 Let's start with your family.

00:46:04.000 But the higher level of pussy whippedness is second marriages.

00:46:10.000 Those guys are like, you can shoot me.

00:46:13.000 You can fucking kill me.

00:46:14.000 You want to be a tattooist?

00:46:16.000 Why don't you practice on my face?

00:46:17.000 Right?

00:46:18.000 Faggot.

00:46:18.000 I don't care.

00:46:19.000 Whatever you want.

00:46:21.000 And a great example of this, of course, is Jimmy Kimmel, who, like Jordan Peel, used to be a super funny, awesome dude.

00:46:27.000 He did Windy City Heat, the meanest movie ever made.

00:46:32.000 It was a quarter century prank on a dude.

00:46:36.000 That's the real Jimmy Kimmel, a mean guy.

00:46:38.000 I've hung out with him.

00:46:39.000 He's a jerk.

00:46:40.000 I like that, though, but he's a fucking dick.

00:46:42.000 Like I was at a dinner once, and I brought my motorbike, and as I was leaving, I noticed he'd written Hillary on the back of my helmet with indelible Sharpie.

00:46:52.000 I had to put reflective tape on that.

00:46:54.000 I couldn't get it off.

00:46:55.000 Anyway, that's the true Jimmy Kimmel.

00:46:57.000 He gets married too young, has a bunch of kids, gets divorced.

00:47:01.000 Divorce traumatizes.

00:47:03.000 I mostly only know men who are divorced, but I assume it's the same with women.

00:47:06.000 Divorce crushes a person, traumatizes them.

00:47:09.000 Like Pat Dixon, with his new marriage, he's like, she could literally stab me and I would get stitches and we would move on.

00:47:18.000 When my wounds healed, so would our marriage.

00:47:20.000 Anthony Kumia swear to never, ever, ever get married again.

00:47:23.000 Anthony Kumia just said never again, right?

00:47:25.000 So when these guys get married, their second marriage, they go, anything goes, I'm anyone's dog for a bone.

00:47:32.000 No, sorry, I'm this, anyone, I'm this person's dog for a bone, no matter what.

00:47:37.000 Terrible analogy.

00:47:39.000 So Molly, Jimmy Kimmel's new wife, who just gave him a son, is a huge social justice warrior.

00:47:48.000 Look, enough gun violence is her icon.

00:47:50.000 She's also one of these new moms who can't believe how awesome she is for being a mom and how hard it is and how she's a warrior.

00:47:57.000 And look at this.

00:47:58.000 Check out her tweets.

00:47:59.000 This is how fucking lefto-weirdo she is.

00:48:01.000 Michelle Williams gave the speech of the night.

00:48:04.000 This is the speech, by the way, where Michelle Williams goes, the reason I can get awards like this is because I don't have babies in the way at inconvenient time, so I abort them.

00:48:13.000 In other words, I killed my babies for this false idol.

00:48:16.000 In other words, I'm basically a Satanist.

00:48:20.000 But no, that's heroic to the left.

00:48:22.000 And they said, while creating a human under her dress.

00:48:24.000 So now creating a human is an awesome thing.

00:48:26.000 While talking about abortions.

00:48:29.000 Yikes.

00:48:30.000 And because there is no better multitasker than a mother, we should probably elect one.

00:48:36.000 Then it's pictures like, look at the one below it.

00:48:38.000 Holy shit, I'm always working on this shit, or it goes a little lower.

00:48:42.000 Look at this.

00:48:43.000 We got to do a day of this shit.

00:48:44.000 I opened.

00:48:45.000 Yeah, lady, we have kids.

00:48:46.000 We know what it involves.

00:48:47.000 You're not breaking new ground here.

00:48:49.000 But Kimmel is so determined to make this last that he's like, I'm Molly.

00:48:53.000 I'm fucking, I want to eat Michelle Williams out while she gives birth.

00:48:56.000 I'm so happy that she had an abortion.

00:49:00.000 And I think a lot of this is these guys, they say, okay, I'm going to keep my wife happy no matter what.

00:49:06.000 I'll subsume her politics.

00:49:08.000 I'll just become whatever she is.

00:49:10.000 But also, they want to get invited to dinner parties.

00:49:13.000 I'm sorry.

00:49:14.000 What do these new rich wives want more than anything?

00:49:17.000 They don't have to do any work.

00:49:19.000 That's all handled.

00:49:20.000 They want to get invited to dinner parties.

00:49:22.000 Who runs these dinner parties?

00:49:24.000 The other Kanti second wives, right?

00:49:26.000 And they all have the same politics.

00:49:28.000 So if you don't want to be disinvited from these, you better hate Trump.

00:49:31.000 You better kiss your girlfriend's ass, or sorry, your second wife's ass.

00:49:35.000 Then she gots invited to the parties.

00:49:37.000 Everyone's happy.

00:49:38.000 Happy life.

00:49:38.000 Happy wife.

00:49:42.000 Example number two.

00:49:44.000 Howard Stern.

00:49:45.000 So it's the exact same story as Kimmel.

00:49:48.000 Exact same story as Kumia.

00:49:49.000 Gets a wife too early.

00:49:52.000 Then becomes super rich.

00:49:53.000 And is, I don't really want this anymore.

00:49:56.000 Turfs the hag, as they say in the movie Husbands and Wives, soon as you show your age, they want to trade you in for a younger model.

00:50:04.000 So he gets Beth Ostrotsky, a supermodel.

00:50:08.000 And she's not going to have kids.

00:50:10.000 Howard's already had kids.

00:50:11.000 So there's a massive void in her womb.

00:50:15.000 So she fills it with fucking kittens.

00:50:18.000 And she works for some North Shore Animal Rescue.

00:50:22.000 Howard's turn makes $90 million a year.

00:50:24.000 What does, does everyone at North Shore Animal League have a Lamborghini?

00:50:29.000 Do all the cats have three-piece suits and their own personal trainer?

00:50:33.000 Like, how much money does this fucking thing need?

00:50:36.000 Anyway, so she's all about animals to fill the void.

00:50:39.000 So he's animal guy.

00:50:41.000 Oh, I love cats.

00:50:42.000 Really?

00:50:43.000 You never mentioned them before, Howard.

00:50:45.000 No, I'm a cat.

00:50:46.000 Oh my God, we go full douche circle.

00:50:50.000 Look at his face.

00:50:51.000 Like he's doing something profound.

00:50:54.000 Yeah, you're right.

00:50:55.000 I'm holding a cat, and I don't care if the whole world knows it.

00:50:59.000 I'm standing up for North Shore Animal League.

00:51:02.000 Like we're all eating chicken sandwiches going, that's amazing.

00:51:05.000 They saved another animal life.

00:51:08.000 How important.

00:51:09.000 Kittens are so important.

00:51:11.000 Like that fucking Netflix show, Don't Fuck With Cats.

00:51:15.000 And I'm watching it going, I'm glad you caught the guy.

00:51:17.000 And it turned out to be he was worse than just a cat killer.

00:51:20.000 But couldn't you have that same sort of due diligence with giotists?

00:51:24.000 Could you not worry less about kittens and more about the next terrorist attack?

00:51:29.000 Because we need your weaponized autism, but not so much for cats.

00:51:33.000 I'm not so worried about kittens.

00:51:35.000 I don't give a fuck about your dog.

00:51:38.000 I don't give a fuck about my dog.

00:51:41.000 All right, so that's Howard Stern.

00:51:43.000 And you can see, like, look at her Twitter.

00:51:44.000 It's like, I'm glad I didn't have kids.

00:51:47.000 I'm doing great without them.

00:51:49.000 Anyway, save this kitten because it's cute.

00:51:52.000 Squirrels.

00:51:53.000 Don't hurt me.

00:51:54.000 I have big eyes.

00:51:55.000 This is about squirrels.

00:51:56.000 Squirrels absolutely love pumpkins, so don't chuck yours away.

00:51:59.000 Like, Squirrels are rats.

00:52:02.000 Feed the rats.

00:52:03.000 Wait, but not just squirrels, to be fair.

00:52:05.000 Birds, hedgehogs, badgers, and foxes.

00:52:07.000 Oh, let's feed all the rats.

00:52:09.000 So let's have a rotting fruit.

00:52:10.000 Hey, Beth, animals are losers, and the fact that you didn't give birth is a tragedy.

00:52:16.000 And the kittens thing, you might as well be helping insects.

00:52:20.000 Hey, there's 10 more flies alive thanks to me.

00:52:23.000 Great work.

00:52:24.000 Why don't you go save some fucking fish?

00:52:27.000 Why not?

00:52:28.000 Go save some minnows.

00:52:29.000 Have a minnow feeder on the beach.

00:52:34.000 All right, final example of this.

00:52:38.000 And then we'll head to the paywall if we do like 37 more reads for Bet DSI.

00:52:46.000 Anthony Bourdain.

00:52:49.000 I've met Chelsea Peretti, not met Jordan Peel, met Jimmy Kimmel, not met Howard Stern, but I've met Anthony Bourdain.

00:52:56.000 Fiery liberal.

00:52:57.000 He wanted to cut Sarah Palin's skin off, if I recall, which I thought was a little harsh, but in New York City, that's the common vernacular from the left.

00:53:05.000 In fact, I've had a lot of guys that I consider friends go, yeah, I know, Gavin, you think abortion is murder.

00:53:10.000 So do I, and I'm for it.

00:53:12.000 I know several different people who've said that.

00:53:15.000 Of course, you can't argue that.

00:53:16.000 You go, oh, okay, well, then my guess we're on the same page.

00:53:21.000 So Anthony Bourdain has this wife, and he talks about her all the time, and then she dumps him, and he's fucking destroyed.

00:53:27.000 She took AMA, and he would always talk about how my wife could kick your ass.

00:53:31.000 Holy shit, you wouldn't last 10 seconds with my wife.

00:53:34.000 And she dumps him.

00:53:37.000 He's destitute, you know, emotionally.

00:53:40.000 And then he gets Asia Argento, who's a Hollywood star.

00:53:44.000 And she understands his crazy schedule.

00:53:47.000 He's ecstatic.

00:53:48.000 He's in heaven.

00:53:49.000 I found the one.

00:53:51.000 So he puts all his eggs in that basket, just like Kimmel, just like Peel, just like Stern.

00:53:57.000 And he's a very happy man.

00:53:58.000 And he's like, I don't care what she wants.

00:54:00.000 If she wants to become a serial killer, I'm going to serial kill with her.

00:54:04.000 And then she gets caught cheating.

00:54:07.000 She's a fucking slut.

00:54:08.000 She's a big part of me too.

00:54:10.000 Meanwhile, she was fucking, she me too'd some underage boy.

00:54:14.000 That's, I think that's one six.

00:54:18.000 Yeah, she's all about, oh, it's so horrible the way successful, powerful, older people prey on the young.

00:54:23.000 Except when I do it, of course.

00:54:25.000 Then it's fun.

00:54:26.000 So anyway, she gets photographed cheating with this reporter who was, it was probably basically prostitution, right?

00:54:33.000 I'll fuck him and I'll get a good review.

00:54:37.000 Asia was spotted back at home strolling around with a French reporter named Hugo Clement.

00:54:41.000 Now, I thought Hugo was friends with Bourdain, but I'm not sure about that.

00:54:45.000 And of course, the Italian photographer was blamed for this, but Anthony Bourdain saw it and killed himself.

00:54:52.000 He put all his eggs in that basket.

00:54:54.000 Anyway, I'll end this with, guys and ladies, your wife, your husband, is not your soulmate.

00:55:02.000 That's lame.

00:55:04.000 That's queer.

00:55:06.000 She's not the one.

00:55:07.000 Like, she's just a good partner that you love to be around and you build together.

00:55:12.000 You build something wonderful.

00:55:14.000 But you have a life too.

00:55:16.000 You don't need her politics.

00:55:18.000 My wife voted for Hillary.

00:55:19.000 She's a liberal vegan.

00:55:21.000 We have our own interests, our own books.

00:55:24.000 You don't have to watch all your shows together.

00:55:26.000 Naomi Schaefer-Reilly is one of my favorite authors.

00:55:29.000 And she wrote an article about this saying, the secret to marriage is accepting that you two are different and they are separate human beings.

00:55:37.000 Howard Stern, you don't give a fuck about cats.

00:55:40.000 Jimmy Kimmel, you don't give a fuck about all these leftist bullshit.

00:55:44.000 And Bourdain, you should have realized that you were dating a slut and she might cheat on you.

00:55:48.000 And when she does, you just go fuck you, bitch.

00:55:51.000 You don't rip your own fucking chest apart.

00:55:53.000 How did he die anyway?

00:55:54.000 Oh, I think he hanged himself.

00:55:57.000 It's not hung himself.

00:55:58.000 It's hanged himself.

00:56:00.000 Anyway, that's my little moral absolution for the day.

00:56:05.000 He did hanged.

00:56:07.000 He did hang.

00:56:08.000 In France.

00:56:10.000 He did hanged in France.

00:56:12.000 It was a le Hang.

00:56:13.000 Long.

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00:57:06.000 Don't miss out and go make some extra cash betting this season.

00:57:11.000 It's only a game until you bet it at Bet DSI.

00:57:15.000 Everything is more fun when you bet.

00:57:17.000 I do it with my kids all the time, but it's only interested in me if it's high risk.

00:57:24.000 So I'll say, I'll bet you $100 you can't throw this baseball and knock over that bottle 20 yards away.

00:57:31.000 But then they'll just keep doing it and doing it for days until they get it.

00:57:33.000 and then I gotta give a little kid $100, which is stupid.

00:57:42.000 You saw that, speaking of sports, you saw how Trump was received when he went to the LSU Alabama game?

00:57:48.000 How was Trump received?

00:57:49.000 It sounds like anal penetration.

00:57:58.000 They seem pretty happy.

00:57:59.000 They're pumped.

00:58:00.000 I had an argument with that Norwegian I was hanging out with today was like, I think that he's a charlatan.

00:58:07.000 He's just taking advantage of the rage industry and he's fooling everyone.

00:58:11.000 No, that's who he is.

00:58:13.000 He's funny.

00:58:14.000 And he said, I've heard him say, threaten people at rallies and say, go punch him.

00:58:20.000 Yeah, that was a joke where he said, I'll pay your court costs.

00:58:25.000 Someone punches him in the nose.

00:58:26.000 Home to mommy.

00:58:28.000 I'll bail you out.

00:58:30.000 Get your bail bud and get you a snack.

00:58:33.000 Where do you want to go, champ?

00:58:34.000 Sonics, they roller skate your meal to you.

00:58:38.000 It's a great deal.

00:58:39.000 I like when he said, Home to mommy, go home to mommy.

00:58:42.000 Back to mommy's basement.

00:58:44.000 And mommy's upset because she likes me.

00:58:46.000 She probably likes me.

00:58:46.000 She'd say, Why'd you do that?

00:58:48.000 Yeah, it almost gets foreign when you get to his little asides.

00:58:53.000 She likes me, so she said, What you doing?

00:58:55.000 It's his own language.

00:58:57.000 He says, He says, remember that guy was like, We love you.

00:59:02.000 And he goes, I love you too.

00:59:03.000 And he goes, Wait a minute.

00:59:04.000 That's a guy.

00:59:06.000 A guy said that.

00:59:08.000 I don't get how people don't get that he's funny.

00:59:12.000 By the way, speaking of Asia Argento being a kid fucker and somehow also getting away with pretending she's a victim and me too.

00:59:22.000 Also, with the Me Too, wasn't there a story that she blew Harvey Weinstein for a role?

00:59:27.000 Hmm.

00:59:28.000 It's not exactly rape.

00:59:31.000 Sounds like it's expensive prostitution to me.

00:59:34.000 I'm not sure you deserve to be in the same boat as like Lauren Savon, who Harvey Weinstein beat off at.

00:59:41.000 And getting good at it.

00:59:43.000 I do as well.

00:59:44.000 Yeah, that's my bad.

00:59:45.000 But check out this horrible rapist, 1-6.

00:59:50.000 No, 1-7.

00:59:52.000 Married Oklahoma teacher and volleyball coach Joyce Churchwell, charged with first-degree rape.

00:59:58.000 Churchwell sent nude pics and videos on Snapchat to a student.

01:00:00.000 18, student went to Churchwell's home.

01:00:02.000 They had a threesome with a woman who was a former school employee.

01:00:06.000 What would you say she is out of 10?

01:00:08.000 That?

01:00:10.000 I'm seeing not a lot of good stuff there.

01:00:10.000 She's 40.

01:00:13.000 I'm saying a three or four.

01:00:16.000 Let's go four.

01:00:18.000 That's a 6.5, at least.

01:00:20.000 Not at least, but about.

01:00:23.000 Go to 1.8.

01:00:24.000 There's another picture of her.

01:00:27.000 Let's see this person here.

01:00:31.000 Yeah, I mean, you got to remember she's 40.

01:00:33.000 And a girl is 6.

01:00:35.000 Anyway, so in that article, they say the age of consent in Oklahoma is 16.

01:00:40.000 However, if the victim is between 16 and 20 years old and is a student and engages in sexual intercourse with a school system employee, it is defined as rape in state law.

01:00:49.000 I mean, like, is that 18-year-old having nightmares about the horrible experience?

01:00:56.000 About an ending?

01:00:56.000 Yeah, probably.

01:00:57.000 Now, if it's two male teachers.

01:00:58.000 This is the problem with feminism, where we say women and men are the same thing.

01:01:03.000 If two male teachers fucked an 18-year-old student, we should probably drag them behind horses to the town square, then put them on the stocks and throw glass bottles at their head until they smash.

01:01:15.000 We'll borrow the bottles of piss from Antifa.

01:01:18.000 But two sixes take the heat off an 18-year-old who's probably not getting it anywhere else because 18-year-old boys are insatiable horn dogs and 18-year-old girls aren't interested in getting fucked seven times a day?

01:01:34.000 I don't know if it's the same.

01:01:36.000 It's not the same.

01:01:37.000 All right, we should take some calls.

01:01:39.000 You know what would be fun?

01:01:40.000 Why don't we take a couple calls outside of the paywall?

01:01:43.000 Okay.

01:01:46.000 This is a treat for y'all.

01:01:47.000 a treat.

01:01:54.000 I hear a lot of people cheering.

01:01:57.000 Yeah, you know, I guess they're having fun.

01:01:59.000 I think there's like 50 people at that office party.

01:02:01.000 We should probably stop over.

01:02:03.000 They're having a good time.

01:02:04.000 We should ruin the party.

01:02:05.000 Maybe I'm just an asshole.

01:02:08.000 I'm just like that Jordan Peele character.

01:02:10.000 Maybe Kean Peele character, I should say.

01:02:14.000 Maybe every single person at that office party is having a fucking amazing time.

01:02:20.000 And they can't believe how good Roy is at guitar.

01:02:24.000 And wow, did he play some great hits?

01:02:27.000 All right, so one of them just says grape.

01:02:30.000 This could be rape.

01:02:33.000 Hello.

01:02:33.000 Hello?

01:02:34.000 Hey, man.

01:02:35.000 Hey, how you doing?

01:02:36.000 Hey, how you doing?

01:02:37.000 Good.

01:02:38.000 Great Andrew WK impression, by the way.

01:02:41.000 Thank you.

01:02:43.000 So I was just calling about that annoying guy that called yesterday talking about the gripers.

01:02:49.000 I'm not a griper.

01:02:50.000 I don't really care about the movement or have any interest in being kind of irritated about these people that just like anytime, and like not,

01:03:06.000 I mean like absolutely no anti-Semitism in what I'm about to say, but it's like anytime you get anywhere near being even okay with being like a white person or having any type of white pride or any type of white appreciation, all of a sudden you're put in this anti-Semitic, anti, you know, basically racist category.

01:03:28.000 And it's just, I'm kind of getting sick of it.

01:03:30.000 And it's like any time anybody goes near that perimeter, they just get shot down.

01:03:35.000 So that's all I have got.

01:03:37.000 Okay, yeah, that's totally valid.

01:03:39.000 I mean, the Groipers keep coming up on this show on a regular basis, and the two sides seem to be, look, he's not just anti-immigration.

01:03:46.000 He said he would be fine with white people coming.

01:03:48.000 He just doesn't think it should be all Mexicans because they changed the demographics of the country.

01:03:52.000 And he denied the Holocaust.

01:03:54.000 They said someone called in about 6 million Jews and he said more like 350,000, but they used a cookie analogy and that's Holocaust denial.

01:04:05.000 And he thinks race mixing is gross.

01:04:07.000 He's against it.

01:04:07.000 So that's one side.

01:04:09.000 The other side is, no, he's concerned with what the Dems are doing with open borders and they're changing the demographics and they're doing it for votes.

01:04:17.000 They don't care about Hispanics.

01:04:19.000 So we're onto them for that.

01:04:21.000 I don't think we should be funding Israel $3.5 billion.

01:04:23.000 This isn't me talking, by the way.

01:04:24.000 I'm a Zionist.

01:04:25.000 But he thinks that we shouldn't be funding Israel.

01:04:29.000 The Holocaust thing was a joke that was said once on the phone.

01:04:32.000 Race mixing thing, I was talking about this today.

01:04:35.000 I'm obviously a race mixer, but I don't give a fuck what people think about that.

01:04:39.000 Like, I think it's funny if they're against it.

01:04:41.000 It doesn't keep me up at night.

01:04:43.000 I mean, I understand you don't want someone to have an ism, a bigotry.

01:04:48.000 If they're a lawmaker, it could affect society.

01:04:50.000 But why do you care?

01:04:51.000 Like, why do we care what Richard Spencer believes?

01:04:54.000 How does that affect us on a day-to-day basis?

01:04:57.000 So as far as the groipers go, I don't Understand, I'm a little dubious of the fear.

01:05:02.000 Why are they such a threat?

01:05:04.000 Are they making policies?

01:05:05.000 They're 20 years old.

01:05:08.000 Is maybe the fear that they're effective and interesting and red-pilling people that seems to make a lot more sense.

01:05:15.000 Was Nick Fuentes booted off of YouTube because he had said something wrong or because people were listening to him?

01:05:25.000 All right, we'll take one more call before we go behind the wall.

01:05:28.000 Behind the wall.

01:05:31.000 We got Shannon.

01:05:33.000 Shannon.

01:05:34.000 Hi, Shannon Shannon.

01:05:37.000 What's Fannin?

01:05:38.000 Jim Fannin.

01:05:39.000 Hey, Ryan.

01:05:40.000 Hello.

01:05:40.000 Shut up.

01:05:41.000 You don't have a dad.

01:05:42.000 Could the both of you, I love you both, man.

01:05:44.000 Could you both look up NPD and start to deal with the inability to take responsibility for your actions or apologize?

01:05:52.000 Dude, the video that you guys made of the vice chick doing stand-up, I had to go see the raw data.

01:05:57.000 So I went over.

01:05:58.000 And in the comments section, I just put Gavin sent me.

01:06:01.000 And an account responds.

01:06:03.000 Claudia, she's got a nice avatar.

01:06:05.000 And that was my mother's name.

01:06:07.000 So I got a sweet spot for her.

01:06:08.000 Anyways, she says a fellow Gavin fan.

01:06:11.000 So I'm like, yeah, you know, not too many women here expect to be Gavin fans.

01:06:17.000 Anyways, the next thing you know, we're on the phone, like on the regular.

01:06:20.000 I'm talking about you and stuff and all the kind of stuff.

01:06:23.000 And I know it's only been like a week or two, but we're getting married.

01:06:27.000 And I want you to officiate.

01:06:28.000 I want Ryan to be the flower girl in Trump character.

01:06:31.000 And even though I've never met this woman, I know nothing about her.

01:06:33.000 She knows everything about me.

01:06:34.000 I mean, my life is online, right?

01:06:36.000 But all I know is this, well, she said Hollywood shot or whatever, this beauty shot.

01:06:41.000 But because I'm a pathetic human being and I so need this, or we're going to get married.

01:06:45.000 But if she goes sideways and the answer can't be sit in a bar at happy hour, how do I fill the pipeline with prospects or candidates just in case?

01:06:56.000 I think there's no chance it could go sideways.

01:06:59.000 You don't get to say, can you officiate the wedding and come to it?

01:07:02.000 And then also ask for relationship advice post-breakup.

01:07:10.000 We would love to come to your wedding.

01:07:12.000 I would love to officiate it, but the call ends there.

01:07:17.000 I mean, you should be grateful that we're willing to trek out wherever the fuck you are, Winnipeg or some shit, and go marry you.

01:07:23.000 But I'm happy to do that.

01:07:24.000 I'll officiate the wedding.

01:07:25.000 Ryan will be there in character.

01:07:27.000 Thank you so much for calling.

01:07:29.000 What an absolute pleasure that was.

01:07:31.000 I'm not fucking officiating his wedding.

01:07:33.000 I think you'll hear this.

01:07:35.000 Did he accuse me of having multiple personality disorder?

01:07:38.000 I don't know.

01:07:40.000 Or I'm just an asshole.

01:07:42.000 I mean, it's kind of simple.

01:07:45.000 We're going to wrap it up now.

01:07:45.000 All right.

01:07:47.000 Again, I'd like to remind you how important it is to check out johnnyapplescbd.com.

01:07:52.000 j-acbd.com.

01:07:55.000 I mean, I've told you that I like the gummies.

01:07:58.000 They take the edge off.

01:07:59.000 I've told you that the CBD, the ointment helps me recover from my workouts.

01:08:04.000 I bring it to the gym.

01:08:05.000 Guys try it there.

01:08:06.000 I told you to use promo code Gavin.

01:08:07.000 I think we're all on the same page.

01:08:10.000 I think we all agree, right?

01:08:11.000 JACBD.com is the place to go to use promo code Gavin.

01:08:15.000 We're now going to continue taking calls, but they'll be behind the paywall.

01:08:15.000 All right.

01:08:19.000 We're also going to be showing sketches, other sketches we've shot that are even funnier than how to box.

01:08:26.000 And I will end this free thing with get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.

01:08:35.000 I need those notes.

01:08:42.000 I need those notes.

01:08:58.000 It's still going.

01:09:01.000 Yep.

01:09:02.000 We should crash it.

01:09:05.000 We should film it.

01:09:07.000 People are worried about being on camera.

01:09:09.000 That's right.

01:09:09.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:09:10.000 Is it beer o'clock for you?

01:09:12.000 Yeah.

01:09:13.000 I'll grab one.

01:09:14.000 I want to take a call in the meantime, Mike?

01:09:17.000 Yeah.

01:09:19.000 Hey, Mike, how you doing?

01:09:21.000 Please don't have seven parts.

01:09:23.000 Right on, Vac.

01:09:27.000 Foc.

01:09:28.000 Hey, so the dictator earlier on this week, he touched on a subject that I feel like nobody else is talking about but you and maybe one other person.

01:09:45.000 But all of them were great.

01:09:48.000 But the bands and bars thing is one of my biggest, biggest pet peeves.

01:09:48.000 Thank you.

01:10:02.000 I'm from Nashville originally from Nashville, Tennessee.

01:10:06.000 So back in the day when I used to bartend, when we would, you know, all of us bartenders and servers and everything, we'd go out afterwards.

01:10:17.000 In Nashville, it's nothing but fucking songwriters everywhere in every fucking bar.

01:10:24.000 Once you get done with a shift of people getting drunk and stuff, you want to go just to have some beers and like cool off in a quiet bar, you know, and talk about the day and just shoot the shit.

01:10:37.000 But then you go to these fucking bars and there's all these fucking songwriters coming up on stage singing their shitty songs that are never going anywhere.

01:10:49.000 And you can't even fucking talk.

01:10:51.000 You can't even hear yourself talk.

01:10:53.000 And then you're like, okay, let's go to another bar.

01:10:55.000 You go to another bar and they're playing like trap music.

01:11:00.000 And you can't, you're just like, fuck.

01:11:03.000 Can't go somewhere and just have a beer and talk?

01:11:06.000 You're a bartender, so you're getting screamed at all night.

01:11:09.000 Fuck a tonic.

01:11:10.000 Yeah.

01:11:10.000 No, Stolly, Stolly's, yeah, yeah.

01:11:13.000 Yell, yell, yell, in your face, in your face.

01:11:15.000 You finally finished.

01:11:16.000 You got some tip money.

01:11:17.000 You go, wow.

01:11:18.000 And being a bartender is fucking stressful.

01:11:20.000 It's really intense.

01:11:21.000 So you think, let's relax, open a beer, just like everyone else does when they're done a day at work.

01:11:26.000 And then you get yelled at from the place you go to.

01:11:30.000 it's so fucking loud.

01:11:33.000 Like, maybe someone piddling away on a little acoustic guitar in the corner.

01:11:38.000 And if you did, like, I had a Christmas party this year, and we had a woman playing the violin and a guy playing the guitar.

01:11:44.000 I know this sounds like I'm contradicting myself.

01:11:47.000 They were playing like pogues type of music.

01:11:49.000 But if you weren't in the dining room, you didn't hear them.

01:11:53.000 And they said, you know, we should probably bring an amp, set up our amp, because if people aren't in the dining room, they're not going to hear it.

01:11:59.000 So they go, that's the plan, dude.

01:12:01.000 When people come in to get a drink or a little cheese blints, then they'll hear you.

01:12:05.000 And if they're interested, they can stick around.

01:12:07.000 If not, you're not wrecking the party.

01:12:09.000 But all this live music does is wreck the fucking party.

01:12:13.000 And you're lucky you're in Nashville, by the way, because you know what we get in New York?

01:12:17.000 Covers.

01:12:18.000 We get Bruce Springsteen and Bye-bye, Miss American Pie.

01:12:22.000 It's astounding that anyone thinks anyone wants to hear that.

01:12:28.000 No, trust me, it's way worse, dude.

01:12:30.000 It is, they're singing songs.

01:12:34.000 They're like, first of all, before they even start the song, they'll tell a whole story of the song.

01:12:42.000 So it's like, yeah, before we start this next song, this song really holds true to my heart.

01:12:52.000 About five years ago, and it'll go on for fucking 20 minutes before they even fucking start the song.

01:12:59.000 And the story isn't that time.

01:13:02.000 The story isn't that time we robbed a bank and then we were on the lamb for three years and then my buddy got shot by the cops, but we killed a cop.

01:13:09.000 No, it's always like we had two dogs.

01:13:12.000 We lived with me and my sister our whole life.

01:13:14.000 And then when the first one died, we thought the second one might last, but the second one died within a week.

01:13:18.000 And you're like, I don't fucking care.

01:13:22.000 See, the reason I'm upset is because I couldn't do it myself.

01:13:24.000 Dude, the other thing, too, is a lot of people from all over the place go there to get their break.

01:13:28.000 So they have this just desperation reeking all over them.

01:13:33.000 It's like actors in the world.

01:13:34.000 Let me tell you something right now.

01:13:36.000 Anybody going to Nashville right now to be a star, you're not going to make it.

01:13:42.000 Sorry, dude.

01:13:43.000 Unless you're fucking amazing.

01:13:46.000 And I'd also like all actors heading to LA to know the same thing.

01:13:46.000 Yeah.

01:13:51.000 Dude, what's your name?

01:13:54.000 Mike.

01:13:55.000 Mike, you just won the Johnny Apple CBD Super PAC.

01:14:01.000 And I don't mean a political group.

01:14:02.000 You got a fucking way.

01:14:03.000 Oh, my God.

01:14:04.000 You got the gummies.

01:14:05.000 You got the cookie.

01:14:06.000 You got the CBD ointment.

01:14:08.000 You got everything.

01:14:09.000 And it's going to be shipped to you for free because you just won our weekly contest because that call was so good.

01:14:17.000 Well, I'm not sucking anybody off.

01:14:21.000 You already won, dude.

01:14:21.000 You'd be a fool to keep...

01:14:25.000 When the customer says yes, stop selling.

01:14:29.000 Well, I mean, I'm not arguing.

01:14:31.000 I mean, if you wanted to.

01:14:33.000 He's offering a suck job.

01:14:35.000 Just the tip.

01:14:37.000 Congrats.

01:14:38.000 So you have his number, Ryan?

01:14:39.000 I got all your info just to make sure it starts with 615, correct?

01:14:44.000 That is correct.

01:14:44.000 All right.

01:14:45.000 I will text you after the show.

01:14:46.000 Congrats.

01:14:48.000 Okay, love you.

01:14:49.000 By the way, I'd like to add to his no live music.

01:14:53.000 No TVs.

01:14:56.000 I mean, I guess if it's the game and the Mets are playing the Braves or spring training just started, maybe.

01:15:04.000 If it's a game.

01:15:06.000 But even then, I don't know.

01:15:08.000 But outside of the game, there's zero argument.

01:15:10.000 Half the time, especially in the day, you go to a bar and it's just like a soap opera or soccer or some shit.

01:15:16.000 They just feel like, well, the TV has to be on.

01:15:19.000 So it's some Chia Pet commercial.

01:15:20.000 And you're like, get this off of here.

01:15:22.000 No music, no jukeboxes.

01:15:24.000 I don't want any music at all.

01:15:27.000 And this one's a little more controversial.

01:15:29.000 No women.

01:15:32.000 Where's the controversial part?

01:15:33.000 Good.

01:15:34.000 Now, if I were to open a bar, I did have a bar through Vice.

01:15:37.000 We had the old blue last.

01:15:38.000 And I guess my restaurant had a bar.

01:15:40.000 But if I was to open a real bar, I've always had the same plan.

01:15:45.000 It's called Homos, and the logo is a gay dude with his arms crossed like this and a big handlebar mustache.

01:15:52.000 So it looks like a gay bar, but no gays are allowed.

01:15:57.000 And not because I have a problem with gays, just because it's funny to call a bar Homos and then have, and then every time a gay comes up, you go, what are you doing here?

01:16:03.000 It's like naming a bar raccoons.

01:16:05.000 We don't serve raccoons here.

01:16:06.000 And the other thing at my bar would be all the cups are random sizes.

01:16:11.000 So you might order like a maker's mark on the rocks, and then we bring it out in a lasagna dish, and it's 76 bucks.

01:16:18.000 And you're like, I don't want this much.

01:16:21.000 Like, that's it.

01:16:22.000 Or it might be a thimble.

01:16:24.000 And we'll go, there's your maker's mark.

01:16:25.000 You owe me four cents.

01:16:27.000 That's fun.

01:16:28.000 And it's only open on days that people don't want to go, like Christmas, Sunday mornings.

01:16:35.000 And then anyway, among the other awesome things about Homos is the woman's bathroom, the men's bathroom is just a trough.

01:16:42.000 In fact, you can piss at the bar.

01:16:43.000 Like I've seen this in Mexico.

01:16:46.000 There's a sort of a long porcelain thing there where you can piss at while you're at the bar.

01:16:51.000 I have, of course, have done this when there's no porcelain thing and just pissed.

01:16:55.000 One time I pissed on it.

01:16:57.000 I was pissing at the bar.

01:16:59.000 I looked down and I was pissing on a chick's leg and she noticed and her boyfriend went, what the fuck?

01:17:05.000 And luckily it was so packed that I just went, zoop.

01:17:08.000 And then like a little, I'm all right, like the hedgehog in Caddyshack, I just burrowed through everyone's legs and no one could find me.

01:17:18.000 And then I was out the door and I never saw them again.

01:17:20.000 That's really great.

01:17:21.000 But anyway, the woman's bathroom at Homo's, you have to go down the stairs, right?

01:17:26.000 Down a long corridor that's really brightly lit.

01:17:30.000 Ah, shit, it's freezing.

01:17:32.000 There's like water dripping.

01:17:33.000 Then you go back up some other stairs.

01:17:35.000 I have to make sure no one gets raped.

01:17:36.000 I never thought of that.

01:17:38.000 And then the bathroom itself is there.

01:17:40.000 It's available for you.

01:17:41.000 I'm following the law.

01:17:43.000 But I have it at like 35 degrees.

01:17:46.000 So it's just a fucking ice chest.

01:17:49.000 In fact, we could probably store some kegs there.

01:17:51.000 That is my idea of a...

01:18:01.000 And I walk in there.

01:18:03.000 This guy's smoking.

01:18:04.000 It's all low tables and little benches.

01:18:09.000 Zero TVs, zero music, zero women, smoky pints, men in suits, tweed suits, working-class guys with threadbare elbows from working all day, but they still had self-respect, so they had a suit on.

01:18:22.000 Just tipping.

01:18:23.000 Some weren't even talking.

01:18:25.000 Many weren't even talking.

01:18:26.000 And I was just like, wait, if this is here, what's in heaven?

01:18:32.000 I saw some pretty girls at the bar the other day at, we'll call it City Bar.

01:18:37.000 And I was just like, why aren't these wearing burkas?

01:18:40.000 Now I'm going to be thinking about fucking you for 24 hours.

01:18:43.000 Get them out of here.

01:18:44.000 They're day ruiners.

01:18:45.000 I'm married.

01:18:46.000 I'm not interested.

01:18:48.000 As what's his name that Ronnie Chang says.

01:18:50.000 You get in my finger and it's like, fuck off.

01:18:53.000 Fuck you.

01:18:53.000 Fuck off.

01:18:54.000 I don't have time for this shit.

01:18:55.000 Fuck you.

01:18:56.000 They're like pop-up ads.

01:18:57.000 You're just like, I don't want to see you.

01:18:58.000 Get the fuck out of here.

01:18:59.000 I have worked with you.

01:19:00.000 I feel the same way about women post-marriage that I felt when I was 10.

01:19:00.000 I want to see your girl.

01:19:05.000 Why are you here?

01:19:06.000 You don't want to play with Star Wars figures.

01:19:08.000 You're a girl.

01:19:14.000 We got Chad offering some words of comfort because I need them.

01:19:19.000 Hello?

01:19:20.000 Hi.

01:19:20.000 Hello.

01:19:21.000 Oh, hey, what's up, guys?

01:19:22.000 Yeah, it's High Top David.

01:19:24.000 Not Chad.

01:19:25.000 It's me again.

01:19:27.000 Yeah, so real quick before I do that, I just wanted to let you guys know, did you know that Seth Myers and Rihanna were in the bar that you did the Denesta Souza interview thing with?

01:19:39.000 Like, they did a whole video in there.

01:19:41.000 Yeah, he rents out that place quite a bit.

01:19:44.000 Yeah, you can do a whole thing where Rihanna asks a question behind the bar and then Danes D'Souza answers like if he was a toad.

01:19:52.000 So there's a lot of potential there.

01:19:53.000 Well, that's a great idea, but that doesn't look like the bar.

01:19:56.000 That's not the bar.

01:19:57.000 No.

01:19:58.000 Oh, okay.

01:19:59.000 Well, and then another thing is just real quick.

01:20:04.000 The Revenge of the Sith faggot that you went in on made some atrocious, blasphemous video called Gavin McKinnis Does Not Like Us.

01:20:13.000 And they say some really fucked up shit at 445, maybe 40, 445.

01:20:21.000 445.

01:20:22.000 One of their fifth.

01:20:22.000 Around like 445.

01:20:23.000 And what do they say?

01:20:24.000 They say some really atrocious shit.

01:20:26.000 They blame you.

01:20:28.000 Oh my God.

01:20:28.000 They say some shit like, all my supporters tonight are going home to their families, but Gavin McKinnis' supporters are going to jail for 10 years because he's a fucking this and a fucking that.

01:20:38.000 And I was like, whoa, yes, this is some bullshit.

01:20:40.000 That's why they were arrested.

01:20:42.000 Nothing new.

01:20:45.000 Yeah, and then also there's this Civil War II thing happening in Virginia on Monday.

01:20:51.000 Basically, they're manufacturing this whole shootout thing between the government and the gun supporters in Virginia on the 20th.

01:21:02.000 I think that's Monday.

01:21:03.000 They're Tuesday.

01:21:05.000 You got quite a laundry list of things to cover on this call.

01:21:09.000 I know.

01:21:10.000 And it started off with me wanting to talk to Ryan because I had a whole thing for Ryan because I was just getting worried about him because he seemed kind of depressed over the last month.

01:21:20.000 You know, I've been watching this show for a while and I've been changing your mood.

01:21:24.000 I appreciate that.

01:21:25.000 No, that was over the holiday thing.

01:21:26.000 I don't know what was going on, but thanks for the...

01:21:28.000 I appreciate that.

01:21:31.000 Before the holidays, yeah, I don't know what it was.

01:21:33.000 Maybe it's because you flew to Japan to see, I mean, California to see your deadbeat nip dad.

01:21:38.000 Yeah, maybe.

01:21:40.000 Well, I had fun out there, but it was...

01:21:40.000 spent a fortune.

01:21:46.000 In a car, though.

01:21:47.000 His dad abandoned him, so he goes, hmm, what should I do at Christmas?

01:21:50.000 I know I'll blow $650 going to visit him.

01:21:53.000 Meanwhile, he's like, oh, Ryan, maybe you go over there and drive around.

01:21:58.000 That'd be something, nothing wrong with that.

01:22:00.000 Maybe you could just keep driving and driving.

01:22:02.000 Maybe keep driving until you get back to New York.

01:22:05.000 Do what half a boomerang does.

01:22:08.000 Mother Nature's hella pissed.

01:22:10.000 That was hella loud and redundant.

01:22:13.000 Normally, Asians, they raise their kids, even the dad.

01:22:17.000 Thanks for calling, buddy.

01:22:17.000 Yeah.

01:22:18.000 That was gorgeous.

01:22:20.000 Gorgeous.

01:22:21.000 Frank.

01:22:22.000 You know what I think is going to happen in Virginia?

01:22:25.000 The same thing that happened with the Bundies.

01:22:28.000 Building up, building up, building up.

01:22:30.000 And then the government sees that the guys that they want to fuck with are armed, and they get a call.

01:22:37.000 Back down.

01:22:38.000 Fuck it.

01:22:39.000 When people aren't armed, like Occupy Wall Street, the authorities just walk in, pepper spray everyone, throw them in jail.

01:22:45.000 Nice try, dickheads.

01:22:47.000 But when they're armed, the government goes, oh yeah, you can't fuck with us.

01:22:52.000 And then it comes right down to barrel versus barrel, and they go, all right, fuck it.

01:22:57.000 I don't want to be the politician who led to the great massacre of Virginia.

01:23:02.000 So they'll pussy out.

01:23:05.000 And there's a moral there, folks.

01:23:08.000 Annie, get your guns.

01:23:11.000 We got Michael.

01:23:15.000 Michael.

01:23:16.000 Hey, what's up, Gavin?

01:23:18.000 What's going on, SA?

01:23:20.000 Hey, SA, man.

01:23:21.000 Are you stone, man?

01:23:24.000 Hey, little spooky out here.

01:23:26.000 Hey, what's up, Chino?

01:23:27.000 What's up, Ryan?

01:23:28.000 You're doing a good job.

01:23:29.000 Keep dipping, man.

01:23:29.000 Don't worry about the white man keeping you down.

01:23:33.000 I think this is got some Labrador in it.

01:23:39.000 You know, I took your advice.

01:23:40.000 I got red pill a long time ago and, you know, and I got in trouble at work, took Gavin's advice.

01:23:46.000 I was brave, you know, and I got fired.

01:23:48.000 And me and my wife would never stop fighting, you know, like you said.

01:23:53.000 Yeah, well, thanks.

01:23:55.000 Thanks for taking my advice.

01:23:58.000 It's not good.

01:23:59.000 Anyways, so my topic was the red tail thing that I called in about.

01:24:05.000 And my dad's from Ecuador.

01:24:07.000 I'm out here in LA.

01:24:08.000 And I was talking with them about different things about Trump over the holidays, which you advised not to do.

01:24:16.000 But they brought it up.

01:24:18.000 So I started talking about it.

01:24:19.000 And I was telling them about, we were talking about immigration and all that.

01:24:24.000 And Trump's a racist or whatever and this and that.

01:24:29.000 And then I was talking about the situation in Ecuador, which nobody's really familiar with.

01:24:34.000 It's a lot of the Venezuelans that are leaving Venezuela are going over there.

01:24:38.000 And even the Colombi, they had a big Colombian wave.

01:24:41.000 Sorry, that's the helicopters that are passing by.

01:24:43.000 This is LA, if you can hear that.

01:24:46.000 Yeah, the ghetto birds are real.

01:24:46.000 No.

01:24:48.000 Oh, sorry.

01:24:49.000 But they were talking about the Colombians were even pro the Colombians in Ecuador were protesting the Venezuelans that were coming over.

01:24:59.000 The illegals.

01:25:00.000 A lot of the illegals.

01:25:02.000 The Colombians that were illegal in Ecuador were protesting like, hey, like, this isn't your land to rob and steal in.

01:25:08.000 This is our, you know, this is our list.

01:25:10.000 So even the Colombians that are there illegally were protesting against the Venezuelans.

01:25:16.000 The Colombians are.

01:25:18.000 Yeah, yeah, exactly.

01:25:19.000 So I was telling them, and so my uncles and them were like, yeah, but you know, basically the same thing that I think Jared Taylor was telling Jorge Ramos on that show, like when it comes to America, it's everything's, you know, everything, it's a full go.

01:25:33.000 But when it comes to your country, whether it's Mexico or whatever, it's like, oh, that's off-limits.

01:25:38.000 Mexico has to stay Mexico.

01:25:39.000 Ecuador has to stay Ecuador.

01:25:42.000 And that's the big mentality of a lot of Hispanics out here.

01:25:45.000 Like even the Honduran people that are crossing into Guatemala, they're getting chased out.

01:25:51.000 It just came out, I think, this week, a video somewhere.

01:25:54.000 I saw it somewhere on one of my posts, one of my feeds.

01:25:57.000 So when it's, you know, when it's their home country, it's off limits.

01:26:01.000 But America is a free-for-all.

01:26:02.000 There's no rules.

01:26:03.000 There's no anything.

01:26:04.000 And I wanted to get your take on that.

01:26:06.000 I'm so interested in that.

01:26:09.000 I emailed you that with Jonathan Miranda if you wanted to get involved.

01:26:12.000 But we got a lot of buddies out here in LA that can help them out.

01:26:15.000 So you can help them.

01:26:18.000 Yeah, that's not just true with immigration in America.

01:26:22.000 It's true with everything in America.

01:26:24.000 I mean, we have the UN appointing Saudi Arabia to handle their human rights cases.

01:26:32.000 And even right before Soleimani was killed, we had Iran chastising us for our horrible racist ways.

01:26:39.000 Fucking Iran.

01:26:41.000 So we are the shitting pot of the entire world where they can just say America is evil, America's done anything wrong, while clawing through piles of bodies just to get over here because they want to hang out so bad.

01:26:55.000 And I think the beauty of Trump is he said, yeah, we're not doing that anymore.

01:27:00.000 I'm not ashamed of this country and what we do, and I'm not taking your relentless criticism.

01:27:06.000 But it's funny that you talk about the Ecuadorian because I always said it's good to travel.

01:27:10.000 We have to start talking to other people and communicate more because it gives you perspective.

01:27:14.000 And when you travel or even just talk to people from other countries, you realize that everyone is talking about illegal immigrants.

01:27:22.000 Everyone is pissed off.

01:27:23.000 Jamaicans are pissed off about Haitians coming in.

01:27:26.000 This is not a racist subject.

01:27:28.000 It's a ubiquitous subject that is every nation's concern.

01:27:36.000 Go ahead.

01:27:38.000 Can you hear me?

01:27:39.000 Yep.

01:27:40.000 Well, you know, you guys had that guy that called in last week about, he talked about the Dominican guys being kind of low-key MAGA.

01:27:48.000 Dude, there's a lot of people like in South America that are really low-key MA, especially out here in L.A., that aren't Mexican.

01:27:56.000 There's a lot of them out here because they know that they want to keep the sovereignty and they want to keep their country, their country.

01:28:03.000 America does more for any other country than any of these countries.

01:28:08.000 So it doesn't make a lot of sense for the agenda, whatever the liberal agenda is out here that brainwashes everybody out here with Univision and Telemundo.

01:28:17.000 Yeah, they're also Christian and they get all this social justice shit about drag queens and how important it is for 10-year-olds to know about sex.

01:28:24.000 And they go, nah, we're not doing it.

01:28:26.000 Thanks for calling, dude.

01:28:28.000 Always good to talk to my little essay.

01:28:29.000 Last thing, Gavin?

01:28:30.000 Sorry, last thing?

01:28:31.000 Can I add one more thing?

01:28:32.000 Yeah, sure.

01:28:33.000 If there's anything that's the most homophobic race, it's a Hispanic race.

01:28:38.000 And I know that for a fact.

01:28:40.000 That's the truth.

01:28:40.000 Maricon.

01:28:41.000 I'm going to let you guys go.

01:28:42.000 Thank you, guys, man.

01:28:42.000 Maricon, there you go.

01:28:44.000 Have a good time, guys.

01:28:47.000 Mikey.

01:28:48.000 Actually, we got a Mikey coming up.

01:28:50.000 Okay.

01:28:51.000 Mikey!

01:28:54.000 Hello?

01:28:55.000 Hello?

01:28:56.000 This is our third Mike today.

01:29:01.000 What's going on, Mikey?

01:29:02.000 Oh, y'all hear me?

01:29:06.000 Yep.

01:29:10.000 Hello?

01:29:10.000 Your connection sucks a ball and dick and butt.

01:29:15.000 A little bit.

01:29:15.000 Is it better?

01:29:16.000 You just keep talking so we can say what you need to do.

01:29:18.000 Okay, all right.

01:29:19.000 All right.

01:29:21.000 Alright, so I called in about Red Eye.

01:29:28.000 Do you got anything you can spill on it?

01:29:36.000 You talk weird, first of all.

01:29:39.000 You sound like you wrote that backwards, and then you said it backwards, and then just played it in reverse.

01:29:47.000 Hey, man.

01:29:50.000 I just started reading your book yesterday, so it's kind of weird talking to the person whose book you just started reading.

01:29:58.000 Are you high on marijuana?

01:30:02.000 Not like not to where it would impair me.

01:30:09.000 I mean, I don't think that's up to you.

01:30:13.000 I worked on Johnny Apple C V using promo code GAVIN.

01:30:20.000 Yeah, so to answer your question, Red Eye was a show I worked at for, I worked at Fox News for eight years.

01:30:28.000 They kept saying they're going to make me a contributor, which is the sweetest plum.

01:30:30.000 You get like 60 grand a year.

01:30:32.000 And it's not your only job.

01:30:33.000 You can still have other jobs, and you do two or three shows a week, and it's fucking awesome.

01:30:38.000 And I thought after eight years, it's time to make me a contributor.

01:30:41.000 It's time to give me a regular annual salary.

01:30:44.000 And they kept saying, hold on, hold on, hold on.

01:30:47.000 And then Greg kept saying, you're going to host Red Eye.

01:30:49.000 You're going to host Red Eye.

01:30:50.000 You're going to host Red Eye.

01:30:51.000 Then he gave it to Tom Shalou, and that pissed me off.

01:30:54.000 And he goes, yeah, but I got my own show coming.

01:30:56.000 I thought, all right, if I get a gig at his new show, I won't be such a Suck.

01:31:01.000 But then he hired the grape ape Tyrus, who I don't even think is black, by the way.

01:31:06.000 So don't make the ape thing racist.

01:31:08.000 He looks like that cartoon.

01:31:10.000 And I was just like, what the fuck have you done?

01:31:15.000 You hired him because, why?

01:31:17.000 He seems ethnic.

01:31:19.000 He's a bore, and you guys have zero rapport.

01:31:22.000 He's not interesting.

01:31:23.000 Everyone I know hates the fucking guy because he's such a useless tool.

01:31:27.000 He never says anything of consequence.

01:31:29.000 He's a liberal, too.

01:31:32.000 And I thought, the reason that really pissed me off and I never spoke to Greg again is partly because I was bitter and jealous and a hater, as Tyrus said, which was accurate.

01:31:44.000 But also because the reason Greg Gutfeld got a gig at Fox is because Breitbart said, hey, man, I know this guy's an editor at Blender, of all things, but I think he'd be really good here at Fox News.

01:31:57.000 And so they said, okay, we trust you, Andrew.

01:31:59.000 And they took a chance on Greg, and it turned out great for them.

01:32:03.000 Greg felt the exact same way about me, but because I'm controversial, as Greg was, by the way, he had been fired from Blender for bringing midgets to an awards ceremony, he thought, I'm not going to take that risk.

01:32:16.000 So even though Breitbart stuck his neck out for me, for Greg, Greg couldn't do the same.

01:32:22.000 And I just thought, you're a phony fucking little bitch with no balls.

01:32:26.000 And you're just like everyone else, you know, in Hollywood and at Fox News.

01:32:32.000 And I burnt that bridge.

01:32:34.000 But could have been great.

01:32:36.000 Was there any footage of that midget thing?

01:32:38.000 I don't think so.

01:32:40.000 Does that answer your question?

01:32:41.000 Yeah, man.

01:32:43.000 You really, like, I binged a whole lot of it on some playlist on YouTube the other day, and I was just laughing because I was like, oh, my God, like, this shit was on TV one day?

01:32:57.000 Like, what is TV?

01:32:58.000 Like, it's just, like, this would never be on TV nowadays.

01:33:03.000 And you would go do a whole character, have like four or three characters.

01:33:08.000 Everybody else kind of just sits there, sits around.

01:33:12.000 Everybody else is so dull.

01:33:14.000 And then, yeah, so for you not getting promoted.

01:33:17.000 And they really shifted you there.

01:33:21.000 Well, thanks for taking my call.

01:33:22.000 No problem, buddy.

01:33:23.000 Thanks for calling.

01:33:25.000 Those kind of calls, we can sort of cut them right a little sooner than that.

01:33:28.000 We don't need the final wrap-up.

01:33:30.000 But yeah, you know, and the other thing was Greg's whole persona was based on Red Eye.

01:33:36.000 I'm the crazy guy.

01:33:37.000 I'm the out there guy.

01:33:39.000 And then he goes, I'm not fucking helping Gavin get a gig.

01:33:42.000 He's too out there.

01:33:43.000 What?

01:33:44.000 It's sort of like with Opie and Anthony.

01:33:48.000 Anthony came along and he gave that show substance because Opie was just a rich kid who went right from radio broadcasting school to radio broadcasting.

01:33:57.000 So he had no color to him.

01:33:59.000 Then Kumia comes along.

01:34:00.000 He's a tin knocker and he's got all this culture with him.

01:34:03.000 And so they ride that wave and they become sort of like the alternative blue-collar shock jocks.

01:34:09.000 And then when Anthony gets fired, the blue-collar thing to do is to call the guy and go, this is so fucked up, let's burn the place down.

01:34:16.000 But what does he do?

01:34:18.000 He just becomes a Greg Gutfeld and goes, I don't want to get involved.

01:34:22.000 Too risky.

01:34:24.000 And, you know, that would be okay if it was Liberace or someone like Robert Downey Jr.

01:34:29.000 But the fact that Opie had gotten all of this currency, both literal currency and cultural currency, based on blue-collar buds, and the second the shit hits the fan, he's just like, no, thanks.

01:34:41.000 That was what was really galling about the whole thing.

01:34:47.000 Okay, we got.

01:34:50.000 This is Jay's.

01:34:51.000 This is Jay?

01:34:52.000 Justin.

01:34:56.000 Oh, hello.

01:34:57.000 I just want to see how the Gavin McKinnon impression is doing.

01:34:57.000 Hello.

01:35:01.000 If you've been improving on the minutiae of it, Ryan?

01:35:06.000 I'm still only just one tone of Gavin's spectrum of the way he talks.

01:35:12.000 It's really hard to find the other tones.

01:35:15.000 It's all I can do either.

01:35:17.000 Well, it's hard because you have, you know, liberals over here.

01:35:20.000 No, I can't do it.

01:35:21.000 I can't even pretend to venture outside of that.

01:35:24.000 All you guys can do is my high pitch when I'm going, what are they even talking about?

01:35:30.000 Well, it's almost like the condescending explaining something.

01:35:32.000 Like, when millennials do this, they make me pissed off.

01:35:37.000 And it's not awesome.

01:35:40.000 I don't have the angry Gav.

01:35:41.000 I don't have the astute, fiercely, you know, confidently blazing a new path that nobody else has come yet.

01:35:48.000 You're being so uninteresting with your try casting here that you're talking and people are just seeing me going.

01:35:55.000 Oh, yeah, I could widen it up.

01:35:57.000 I wish though for the call, when they're talking, the wide shot's kind of better because it's like.

01:36:01.000 Sure.

01:36:01.000 So I'll add a little more of that.

01:36:04.000 Maybe we should add a mirror to that wall at an angle so people can see your stupid face.

01:36:10.000 I have another weird idea.

01:36:11.000 We put green screen on the wall so that we can just mess around with it.

01:36:15.000 We could have video elements going on there.

01:36:18.000 Nope.

01:36:18.000 Terrible idea.

01:36:19.000 Okay.

01:36:19.000 Frankly.

01:36:21.000 Anything else, sir?

01:36:22.000 No, we're not doing anything else.

01:36:24.000 I'm sorry, part.

01:36:26.000 Next caller.

01:36:27.000 Richard.

01:36:29.000 Richard.

01:36:32.000 Hi, guys.

01:36:34.000 Gavin?

01:36:35.000 Yeah.

01:36:36.000 You got to stay away from Nick Fuentes.

01:36:39.000 He's bad business.

01:36:41.000 I just feel my gut.

01:36:43.000 Just not.

01:36:44.000 You shouldn't deal with him.

01:36:45.000 He's a serpent.

01:36:46.000 He's a parasite on the underbelly of the whole Trump movement.

01:36:50.000 He's just a fleck of nothing, and you shouldn't give him any greetings.

01:36:55.000 Would you cancel your subscription if he became a subscriber?

01:36:59.000 Or a subscriber?

01:37:01.000 I just wouldn't watch a show.

01:37:01.000 No.

01:37:01.000 I mean, sorry.

01:37:02.000 A contributor.

01:37:05.000 No.

01:37:06.000 I just wouldn't watch a show.

01:37:07.000 Right.

01:37:10.000 You shouldn't get involved with that guy.

01:37:11.000 He's just, he's not.

01:37:13.000 If I may, is it such a big deal?

01:37:15.000 Like, everybody's concerned about him because it looks like he's now becoming the face of the right, like he's dominating what the left thinks of the right or something?

01:37:22.000 Well, that's a problem, though.

01:37:23.000 No, you guys shouldn't give him any gusto.

01:37:28.000 You guys shouldn't be talking about him being on your show and being the next Spearhead of the new right.

01:37:34.000 Well, aren't you talking about him right now?

01:37:36.000 Yeah, it's hard not to mention him.

01:37:38.000 I'm telling you guys not to, you know, make him a big deal or anything.

01:37:42.000 I don't think we are.

01:37:43.000 But, anyways, I'm not really good at giving out my opinion on the spot right here, but I just have a bad feeling about him.

01:37:50.000 And can I go to my next topic?

01:37:52.000 Yeah.

01:37:54.000 Okay.

01:37:55.000 So let's talk about grading women in the screener.

01:37:59.000 And I think you could learn a lot about, or not learn a lot, but you guys should base grading women off how third-party grading systems or grading companies grade coins.

01:38:10.000 Are you interested?

01:38:13.000 How?

01:38:14.000 No?

01:38:16.000 No, wait.

01:38:17.000 Okay, wait.

01:38:18.000 How do they grade coins?

01:38:19.000 Like, why does everyone want to reinvent the 1 to 10, especially when we add decimal places?

01:38:26.000 I'm not reinventing the 1 to 10.

01:38:28.000 I'm just saying that when they grade coins, they give it a scale of 0 to 70.

01:38:34.000 I'm not saying you change the 1 to 10 or anything, but let's say they're grading a coin that was minted just yesterday and looks beautiful, but there's a big scratch on the face of it.

01:38:43.000 They would not grade that coin.

01:38:44.000 They would say that that coin has, say, uncirculated detail, but it has a big scratch on it.

01:38:49.000 And I think when it comes to women, that could be like a beautiful woman, but she's in a wheelchair or something.

01:38:55.000 You know what I mean?

01:38:56.000 They're beautiful.

01:38:56.000 Yeah.

01:38:56.000 No, thank you.

01:38:57.000 They're not involved in the grading service.

01:38:59.000 No, thank you.

01:39:00.000 No.

01:39:00.000 No?

01:39:02.000 If there's a supermodel in a wheelchair, then she's a three, maybe a four.

01:39:08.000 She can't be more than a six if she has Grover legs.

01:39:12.000 Doesn't it seem not fair, though, that she's involved in the grading process because she has a disadvantage, though?

01:39:18.000 Yeah, that's why women bawl their eyes out when they get in car accidents and become paralyzed for life.

01:39:25.000 We need all the information out there in the front.

01:39:27.000 The idea of a supermodel and we don't find out that they're in a wheelchair until after is unacceptable.

01:39:34.000 But thank you for your call.

01:39:36.000 I think the more you analyze this, the more you'll realize that the 1 to 10 is all we need, especially when I've even had things that are like a 5.65.

01:39:46.000 Not quite a 6.6.

01:39:50.000 No, wait, 6.7.

01:39:50.000 We got a Shane Smith.

01:39:52.000 Sheen Smith Broiler.

01:39:54.000 Okay.

01:39:57.000 Hey, what's up?

01:39:58.000 Hey.

01:40:00.000 Yes.

01:40:02.000 Hello.

01:40:02.000 Yeah.

01:40:04.000 Hey, about the Gripers.

01:40:07.000 I don't know why I came as Broiler.

01:40:09.000 I don't know what the fuck that's all about.

01:40:11.000 But the Gripers, man, that dude just reeks of anti-Semitism.

01:40:15.000 And the whole race mixing thing just seems like kind of a weird, racist kind of thing.

01:40:23.000 I mean, I get that it's going to be 50-50 with your listeners.

01:40:29.000 Some guys are going to say, oh, whatever their normal paleocons, but I don't see that being that much of a traditional value because, I mean, it says that in the 30s and 40s, there's, you know, that's really what the paleocons are trying to achieve, 30s and 40s type of society.

01:40:48.000 But, I mean, I'm sure that there was, I mean, probably not amongst the blacks and whites, but there was race mixing going on, especially between probably Jews and Gentiles.

01:41:02.000 Okay.

01:41:02.000 And that dude just kind of reeks of anti-Semitism.

01:41:07.000 I watched him on Milo's show when Milo shut his fucking mouth and let the guy talk.

01:41:12.000 And it's just, he just seems kind of, I don't know, he stinks of some sort of anti-Semitic and racist thing.

01:41:24.000 I think your guest that you had on your show yesterday, was it yesterday or the day before?

01:41:29.000 Ron Coleman.

01:41:31.000 Yeah, Ron Coleman.

01:41:34.000 I think he hit the nail on the head, man.

01:41:35.000 He is an anti-Semite.

01:41:37.000 He's probably more tolerable of an anti-Semite, like he said, from the right, but I just, the dude just kind of sucks.

01:41:47.000 So it'd be shitty to see him get a show on your network.

01:41:52.000 I wouldn't quit because I can't get enough of the Gav when you don't have a show on Friday, Saturday, or Sunday.

01:41:57.000 I just go to fucking YouTube and watch you guys.

01:42:02.000 And Ryan is the shit.

01:42:04.000 Well, thank you very much for calling.

01:42:04.000 All right.

01:42:06.000 A lot of input.

01:42:07.000 A lot of Groiper talk.

01:42:08.000 A lot of racial shit this year.

01:42:10.000 A lot of shit.

01:42:12.000 A lot of Groiper talk.

01:42:14.000 Okay, we're running out of time here, coming to the end.

01:42:17.000 I want to wash this blood off my face.

01:42:19.000 Speaking of blood, we got Mark with hemorrhoids.

01:42:21.000 Okay.

01:42:22.000 Hello there.

01:42:23.000 Hello.

01:42:24.000 Greetings.

01:42:26.000 Recently, 30, after 15 years of boozing, I've developed hemorrhoids.

01:42:30.000 Now after shit, it looks like a Jackson Pollock painting.

01:42:33.000 I wet my ass.

01:42:34.000 Yep.

01:42:36.000 I have a bit of an artistic temperament, which helps.

01:42:38.000 But I'm wondering, in your legally binding medical opinion, how long can I keep drinking and ride out this bloody poop shoot?

01:42:45.000 How old are you?

01:42:47.000 30.

01:42:48.000 What do you drink a day?

01:42:52.000 I drink probably four or five two-ounce glasses of vodka.

01:42:52.000 I drink vodka.

01:42:58.000 Why don't you put on a little dress and swish around for us, you big girl?

01:43:02.000 That's a perfectly normal amount.

01:43:04.000 Hemorrhoids are no big deal.

01:43:06.000 I have hemorrhoids probably about 20% of the year, and they go away.

01:43:12.000 You just got to take it easy.

01:43:14.000 When they're at their peak, it really sucks.

01:43:15.000 I find Preparation H or any of that shit doesn't really help.

01:43:19.000 But you're good, buddy.

01:43:20.000 Hang in there.

01:43:21.000 All right.

01:43:22.000 Cool.

01:43:23.000 Right on.

01:43:23.000 Thanks for calling.

01:43:24.000 Next, let's start powering through these.

01:43:26.000 Connor.

01:43:27.000 Oh, wait, hold on.

01:43:28.000 Connor.

01:43:30.000 Connor.

01:43:30.000 Think slow.

01:43:32.000 Oh, Gavin, do I got one for you?

01:43:34.000 And what's up, guys?

01:43:35.000 I just got to say, I took your advice about three years ago about standing your ground in class.

01:43:41.000 I was taking a comparative religion class in college, and I had a teacher who made me go to a mosque, you know, against my will and all this type of stuff.

01:43:52.000 But in class, there was a girl giving a presentation about Islam.

01:43:59.000 And it Came to me to think, to say to my teacher, hey, why do all these women dress in polyester black in the Middle East heat?

01:44:09.000 And he freaked the fuck out.

01:44:10.000 Was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, why are you being so racist?

01:44:14.000 Really?

01:44:15.000 Dude, chill.

01:44:16.000 Like, yeah, it was a big deal because I actually got a letter grade.

01:44:22.000 I'm keen to think I got a letter grade down because I got an A minus in that class, but I got a B minus instead.

01:44:28.000 And I actually went back.

01:44:31.000 I took the final.

01:44:32.000 I knew I got an A in the final.

01:44:34.000 I went back because I knew that the guy was going to fuck me because I said that thing in class because I was always pressing him on Islam.

01:44:41.000 And I ended up getting a B minus when I actually looked at the test before.

01:44:47.000 I mean, I know this stuff, but I know I got the right answers.

01:44:49.000 So I basically got a B minus instead of A minus because I said what he said, but I don't regret it.

01:44:54.000 It was funny as shit.

01:44:55.000 And everyone got a kick at it except for the libs.

01:44:58.000 And isn't it interesting, too, that you didn't say proof that Islam is sexist is the fact that it's not flowing cotton gauze and it's black polyester.

01:45:08.000 You didn't say that.

01:45:09.000 You asked a question.

01:45:11.000 So now you're in a learning institution that's not meant to be a madrasa.

01:45:14.000 It's supposed to be a Western college.

01:45:17.000 You ask a question and you're penalized.

01:45:21.000 Exactly.

01:45:22.000 And the guy went on a tangent.

01:45:23.000 He's like, oh, but look at Saudi Arabia.

01:45:26.000 They're wearing flowing white silk.

01:45:29.000 I'm like, no, they're not, actually.

01:45:30.000 In Persia, they're only allowed to wear green because they're Shia.

01:45:33.000 And other than that, if you're not wearing a fucking hijab, you're going to get whipped like a bitch because they fucking treat women like dogs over there.

01:45:40.000 And I had a buddy in the Marines who just got back from Afghanistan.

01:45:42.000 They had a pet dog over at a base.

01:45:44.000 And the Afghanis would just beat the shit out of them because they treat animals like shit.

01:45:48.000 And now I got these fucking kids around my neighborhood who are throwing rocks at my dog because, you know, they don't give a shit about animals.

01:45:54.000 I know they don't like animals, but I mean, it's fucking weird, man.

01:45:57.000 Gotta say.

01:45:58.000 So they're Middle Eastern, the kids throwing rocks at your dogs?

01:46:02.000 No, I grew up in a white neighborhood.

01:46:04.000 I'm not like a groiper or anything.

01:46:06.000 I think Next Funtes, I mean, it seems like the top.

01:46:08.000 No, no.

01:46:09.000 Who's throwing rocks at your dogs?

01:46:11.000 Yeah, it's just Indian kids and Asians.

01:46:14.000 You know, Asians eat dogs.

01:46:15.000 No offense, Ryan.

01:46:16.000 No, whatever.

01:46:18.000 They're tasty.

01:46:19.000 But yeah, we actually have cameras now because, you know, people would come to my house and they'd be like, yeah, these kids keep throwing rocks at your dogs, you know.

01:46:26.000 But yeah.

01:46:28.000 Yeah, the white silk thing is bullshit.

01:46:30.000 That's for the billionaires.

01:46:31.000 And at the end of the day, they're all fucking wearing black polyester and the heat is unbearable and their suicide rate is intense because their lives are fucking hell.

01:46:39.000 But thanks for calling.

01:46:40.000 That's fascinating that you're now getting penalized for questions in college.

01:46:46.000 We got Diego marriage planning in six months.

01:46:50.000 Hello, Diego.

01:46:52.000 Hey, how's it going, Gavin?

01:46:53.000 Hey, bro.

01:46:55.000 Hey, so, by the way, it's NPD.

01:46:57.000 N-O-N-P-D, narcissistic personality disorder.

01:47:00.000 Anyway, I just wanted to say that.

01:47:02.000 But yeah, so I met with this girl on Catholic match back in June, and we're trying to do a long distance thing, but basically, after meeting up a bunch of times, we actually want to get married now.

01:47:15.000 And I'm trying to do it like before December by the end of the year.

01:47:19.000 Do you have any tips?

01:47:20.000 You know, how to plan a marriage essentially in like six months?

01:47:23.000 Yeah.

01:47:24.000 Number one, this is all up to the chick.

01:47:26.000 It's not your problem.

01:47:27.000 This is her big day.

01:47:30.000 You just sit there and say yes the whole time.

01:47:32.000 I don't know if it's her father supposed to pay.

01:47:36.000 So if that's the case, then just mind your own business.

01:47:39.000 But if you're paying, then you want to rein it in.

01:47:41.000 But here's the deal with the invite list.

01:47:44.000 Do not go bananas on that.

01:47:46.000 Each person ends up costing like 50 bucks.

01:47:49.000 So you can get into the tens of thousands in no time.

01:47:51.000 Don't invite everyone at work and all that.

01:47:53.000 Here's how you know what guys to invite on your list.

01:47:57.000 If I were to call you and go, hey man, I got to go buy pants.

01:48:01.000 You want to come?

01:48:03.000 And if the person on the line would go, what?

01:48:06.000 I'm going to go to J. Crew.

01:48:06.000 Yeah, pants.

01:48:08.000 Maybe see if I can get some light blue pants.

01:48:12.000 No.

01:48:12.000 If that sounds crazy to the person on the phone, then don't go with them.

01:48:17.000 Now, a less severe one is, hey, man, I'm near your house.

01:48:20.000 I want to get a beer.

01:48:21.000 If that would be remotely weird to that person, then don't invite them to your wedding.

01:48:29.000 You get me?

01:48:31.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:48:32.000 No, because I mean, I got a bunch of dudes who are like just nuts, and I'd love for them to go.

01:48:38.000 I think, like, I could only invite like maybe 20 of them.

01:48:42.000 Would all of those guys be happy to buy pants?

01:48:44.000 Like, think about Hodge, Ryan.

01:48:47.000 If I called Hodge and said, hey, man, I'm nearby.

01:48:49.000 I want to go buy pants.

01:48:50.000 He'd go, what?

01:48:52.000 I don't understand.

01:48:53.000 If I said to you, I got to go to J. Crew to get pants.

01:48:56.000 You'd be like, all right.

01:48:56.000 Can you come?

01:48:58.000 I'd go.

01:48:59.000 Come along.

01:48:59.000 It's got to be pants level, not beer level, pants level.

01:49:05.000 Yeah.

01:49:05.000 Right.

01:49:05.000 Okay.

01:49:05.000 Because they got to buy the pants.

01:49:07.000 They got to do all that stuff.

01:49:08.000 And it's gay and stupid and boring.

01:49:10.000 But when you're that close with someone, you do gay, stupid, boring shit.

01:49:15.000 Right.

01:49:16.000 Well, I mean, I got like dudes that used to drink a lot and they like to bang a lot of chicks.

01:49:16.000 All right.

01:49:22.000 The thing is, I'm trying to make it not too controversial because, you know, we're Christian and all that.

01:49:27.000 But what do you think?

01:49:28.000 Like, should I still invite those kind of guys, the crazy ones?

01:49:32.000 If they're close to you, you know, you're going to be looking at these pictures for a long time.

01:49:36.000 And if you invite someone half-assed that you don't end up hanging out with much, like I invited everyone at Vice and even interns and shit.

01:49:43.000 And I look at these pictures now going, why the fuck?

01:49:46.000 I barely knew that guy.

01:49:48.000 But yeah, even if they're wild psychopaths, they should still be there.

01:49:52.000 They're your friends.

01:49:54.000 I'll tell you one thing I did that was a big mistake.

01:49:56.000 I had a three-day stag, a three-day bachelor party that was just booze, booze, booze.

01:50:00.000 And my plan was to get them so partied out that they wouldn't be wasted at the wedding.

01:50:06.000 But fucking, I forgot about Adderall.

01:50:09.000 And apparently everyone was there hammered at the wedding.

01:50:12.000 And I didn't even know this, but there was a saying at my wedding that the guys had, which was, Adderall up, and what do you got?

01:50:18.000 A great wedding.

01:50:19.000 And they were shit faced.

01:50:21.000 Anyway, thanks for calling, but my biggest advice is rein in the list.

01:50:27.000 Legille list?

01:50:30.000 Audio Antonio.

01:50:32.000 That's what it says here.

01:50:35.000 It's about Antonio Brown.

01:50:38.000 Oh.

01:50:40.000 Um, So, yeah, you like went over Antonio Brown the other day, and then you went into how racist Twitter is towards white people.

01:50:49.000 And I don't seem like a nosy, arrogant bitch or anything, but didn't you gloss over his tweet about No White Women 2020 that had like over 100,000 tweets?

01:51:04.000 And it was like directly after you talked about Antonio Brown.

01:51:08.000 You talked about how racist Twitter is, and then you didn't even go over his penny tweet.

01:51:17.000 It's his penny tweet on Twitter.

01:51:19.000 No more white woman 2020.

01:51:22.000 Does he not understand plural or is he talking about Hillary?

01:51:25.000 Or white woman?

01:51:27.000 Talking about his fucky baby mama, dude.

01:51:29.000 Like his mother of his children that he threw bags of dicks at.

01:51:34.000 Like, it's disgusting.

01:51:37.000 What a fucking loser.

01:51:39.000 Well, I actually got a letter from someone that said, you say he isn't canceled, but he's been booted from every team he's been on.

01:51:45.000 And they had a theory that he was a normal guy, but he got a head injury.

01:51:49.000 And that's why he's such a fucking dickweed now.

01:51:53.000 Maybe, dude, but I don't know.

01:51:55.000 Like, this brings up all those people talking about Nick Fuentez.

01:51:58.000 And I know, like, interracial, blah, blah, blah.

01:52:01.000 And I don't know.

01:52:02.000 It just, like, you know, it seems like black dudes are always just shitting on no white women, blah, blah, blah.

01:52:10.000 And I understand where he's coming from now.

01:52:12.000 Like, I know it's not everyone.

01:52:16.000 I don't, it just seems like he has a decent point when he sees white women constantly.

01:52:21.000 And like every song, I was listening to this one song with Chance the Rapper and some feature on it was saying like, I'm going to make a white girl suck my dick.

01:52:30.000 And that's how I fuck a Republican.

01:52:32.000 And so, you know, like, it's common culture these days.

01:52:36.000 And it's just like demeaning and disgusting.

01:52:40.000 Yeah.

01:52:41.000 I think that, can you imagine if a white football player had said no black woman 2020?

01:52:41.000 Yeah.

01:52:51.000 No, dude.

01:52:52.000 It's like, it's just, it's like it's been since the 90s since they controlled like culture and stuff.

01:53:00.000 But I know it's just like, it's insane.

01:53:04.000 I'm not going to say like never date black people and all that, but it seems like if anything goes wrong, then they throw water race at their face.

01:53:04.000 That's all I have.

01:53:13.000 All right.

01:53:14.000 Well, thanks for that input.

01:53:15.000 Thank you for your call.

01:53:16.000 Good to know.

01:53:17.000 Good to know.

01:53:18.000 She's wary of the black-white breakup rate.

01:53:22.000 Perfectly legitimate concern.

01:53:24.000 Johnny, Still Game?

01:53:26.000 I think I got a zit this show.

01:53:28.000 See me, right?

01:53:28.000 Fudge.

01:53:30.000 See me, Johnny.

01:53:31.000 See you.

01:53:33.000 See me, right?

01:53:34.000 I've been watching Still Game Out of Holidays, and I was wondering, is that like a good show?

01:53:40.000 Is that true in terms of what Glasgow's like?

01:53:43.000 Obviously, there's some hyperbole.

01:53:46.000 Not hyperbole.

01:53:48.000 There's joking around.

01:53:49.000 There's no hyperbole.

01:53:50.000 It's a documentary that is perfectly accurate.

01:53:54.000 I know a thousand Jack and Victors.

01:53:57.000 My grandfathers were both Jack and Victors.

01:54:00.000 I know a million Isses.

01:54:02.000 All of those people, even the East Indian shopkeep owner, that show is so fucking accurate.

01:54:10.000 That's why it's so popular.

01:54:12.000 Because they just nail it.

01:54:13.000 Add a question to it.

01:54:14.000 Add on question to it.

01:54:16.000 Since Count Dankula, has it starting to fade away?

01:54:21.000 That Glasgow?

01:54:22.000 Is it starting to fade away since like, oh, you know, Count Dankula is just one incident, but I get the feeling that it's morphing into that fucking liberal, every other liberal shit stained city.

01:54:37.000 Scotland's always been very liberal.

01:54:39.000 The characters on this show would probably hate Trump.

01:54:43.000 They're very, it's a socialist country, basically, but it's only to spite England.

01:54:48.000 And so I wouldn't see it as a cool punk rock political place.

01:54:52.000 Everyone there is funny and interesting, but they're also fucking backwards political.

01:54:57.000 I just got the sense it was like, it was just like, we're apolitical.

01:55:01.000 We're probably more union than anything.

01:55:03.000 But, you know, when it comes to social stuff, we're neutral, if slightly right.

01:55:08.000 That would be super duper left.

01:55:10.000 Super duper left.

01:55:12.000 But don't let that ruin the show for you.

01:55:15.000 All right, next call.

01:55:16.000 Thank you for calling.

01:55:17.000 I like you more than a friend.

01:55:18.000 Let's wrap this up.

01:55:19.000 I got five minutes.

01:55:21.000 All right.

01:55:22.000 We got Mark about Gavin's temp.

01:55:26.000 Guessing he thinks you have a cold or something or a fever?

01:55:29.000 Hello?

01:55:31.000 Hello.

01:55:32.000 I really like your work, Gavin.

01:55:35.000 Been following you for a while.

01:55:37.000 I don't really enjoy the temper when you lose it to the extent you did this evening.

01:55:42.000 I don't really find it entertaining.

01:55:44.000 And I also find it ironic because Ryan is stuck in a pattern of behavior, and you are too, where you just get mad at him and it just keeps happening.

01:55:53.000 If you really want to solve this behavior, you're a very creative, intelligent person.

01:55:59.000 I think you can come up with something, I don't know, better.

01:56:03.000 Like what?

01:56:06.000 Fire?

01:56:09.000 Like behavioral therapy where your doc gets paid for each mistake or yeah, just something.

01:56:17.000 I didn't really enjoy it.

01:56:18.000 Like I like the banter sometimes, but it seems like really real tonight.

01:56:23.000 And Ryan has the patience of a saint to refrain himself.

01:56:28.000 And I don't think you would beat him up.

01:56:31.000 Sorry.

01:56:32.000 Okay, well, maybe we'll have to see.

01:56:34.000 Oh, damn.

01:56:36.000 I'm not a man of violence.

01:56:38.000 I'm wrong a lot, you know, but I just got to keep it to myself.

01:56:42.000 There are things that are technical that only I should really even know.

01:56:45.000 If you go to get your car fixed, you don't need the guy to explain what's going on.

01:56:48.000 You just need the guy to fix your car.

01:56:50.000 So I'll just fix the car.

01:56:52.000 Yeah, and I don't know all the behind the scenes things.

01:56:55.000 I don't know how much warning you received prior to when The show airs, but I just know if you really want Ryan, if you really want Gavin, if you really want Ryan to improve, there are like there's got to be a better way than just yelling at him.

01:57:11.000 Sometimes it's funny, but tonight, I don't know.

01:57:13.000 I didn't, I'll just speak for myself.

01:57:15.000 I didn't really enjoy it.

01:57:16.000 Yeah, I didn't like it either.

01:57:18.000 I didn't enjoy it either.

01:57:19.000 Okay.

01:57:20.000 Or the party.

01:57:24.000 I could be partying next door.

01:57:26.000 Like, yes, if, like, you know how they busted Al Capone on tax evasion?

01:57:30.000 Imagine you, like, you hit Ryan, and then that's, and then that's just all over the news, and then that's it.

01:57:37.000 Like, I don't know how you would recover from that.

01:57:40.000 It would just be very such a shame.

01:57:42.000 That's all.

01:57:43.000 I wouldn't press charges.

01:57:44.000 If I hit Ryan, that would be all over the news.

01:57:47.000 I don't think it would.

01:57:48.000 God, you're a fucking stag.

01:57:52.000 All right.

01:57:53.000 Thanks for calling.

01:57:54.000 All right, later.

01:57:55.000 What if you hit Ryan?

01:57:57.000 It would be all over the news.

01:57:58.000 That'd be cool, but it wouldn't.

01:58:00.000 I don't think it would be.

01:58:02.000 Arthur.

01:58:03.000 All right, let's make this the last call.

01:58:04.000 I am out of steam.

01:58:05.000 Arthur, you're the last call, sir.

01:58:08.000 Hey, last call of the night.

01:58:10.000 Hey, Getoke, I know how you like to watch some funny stuff.

01:58:14.000 Something you might not have seen.

01:58:16.000 There was a movie made in the 80s, Demi Moore, Belushi's brother, Roblox, and it was called About Last Night.

01:58:25.000 And if you just watched just the very beginning of it, where Belushi and Roblov are riding on the bus, going into work or whatever, it's a hilarious skit.

01:58:36.000 I think you would enjoy it.

01:58:38.000 You had it.

01:58:38.000 Go back.

01:58:39.000 You had it.

01:58:40.000 Go back.

01:58:42.000 There, look, in the top row.

01:58:43.000 Top row.

01:58:44.000 Okay, opening scene.

01:58:45.000 Opening titles.

01:58:46.000 Yeah.

01:58:47.000 No, no.

01:58:47.000 Next to that, fuck nuts.

01:58:49.000 They're on the bus.

01:58:50.000 Oh, this is the trailer.

01:58:51.000 How do you miss that?

01:58:52.000 This is the trailer, though.

01:58:53.000 Okay, thanks for calling, buddy.

01:58:54.000 Last call.

01:58:55.000 Good stuff.

01:58:57.000 Oops.

01:58:59.000 Jesus.

01:58:59.000 You're too good looking.

01:59:00.000 These girls go out with you and they get nervous, man.

01:59:03.000 They feel dumpy.

01:59:04.000 The best thing that can happen to you, Danny, is an industrial action.

01:59:08.000 It's about men.

01:59:10.000 -Hi.

01:59:16.000 It's about women.

01:59:17.000 Oh, John Belushi?

01:59:18.000 Ugh.

01:59:19.000 You said John Belushi.

01:59:21.000 That's Jim Belushi.

01:59:23.000 Jim Belushi and funny do not go in the same sentence.

01:59:26.000 I know.

01:59:27.000 And I'm so used to seeing the good Belushi's name.

01:59:31.000 Jim Belushi.

01:59:32.000 What's worse than Jim Belushi?

01:59:35.000 Yeah?

01:59:35.000 No, shit.

01:59:36.000 So tell me.

01:59:36.000 So, okay, so where am I?

01:59:38.000 So you're probably in the panel.

01:59:38.000 The only thing worse than John Belushi being dead is Jim Belushi being alive.

01:59:43.000 Over to the cash register with this check.

01:59:45.000 Right.

01:59:46.000 And 1920 or 10.

01:59:47.000 What was we talking about?

01:59:48.000 She wants to buy a pack of vice run.

01:59:50.000 Oh, I can believe it.

01:59:51.000 Gets the smokes and does this number about how she forgot her purse up in her room.

01:59:55.000 Up in her room?

01:59:57.000 Was she a pro?

01:59:57.000 Yeah.

01:59:58.000 At that age?

01:59:59.000 Yeah.

02:00:00.000 Well, at this point, we don't know.

02:00:01.000 So down we sit.

02:00:02.000 We get the pop in this, that, blah, blah, blah.

02:00:05.000 And it's, come up to my room and I'll pay you back for the smokes.

02:00:08.000 No, fuck your shit.

02:00:09.000 I'm telling you.

02:00:10.000 And was she a pro?

02:00:11.000 At this point, we don't know.

02:00:13.000 But up we go.

02:00:14.000 And it's sit up.

02:00:15.000 Okay.

02:00:15.000 Want a drink?

02:00:16.000 What just happened?

02:00:17.000 This is exhausting.

02:00:18.000 That sucked.

02:00:20.000 Is the bus scene coming up?

02:00:22.000 I believe so.

02:00:23.000 God, he's such a ham.

02:00:26.000 Okay, caller, this is you telling us to check out John Belushi from Animal House and Rob Lowe.

02:00:33.000 That's not his loser, shitty, boring brother.

02:00:36.000 That's John Belushi, the funniest man in history.

02:00:39.000 There's Bluto from Animal House.

02:00:41.000 Turn it up.

02:00:42.000 Let's hear John.

02:00:43.000 Go back to the beginning, though, so we can.

02:00:47.000 No, the beginning of the button.

02:00:49.000 Yeah, that's buried in credits.

02:00:52.000 A, she says, I think I want to take a shower.

02:00:55.000 No.

02:00:56.000 Yeah.

02:00:57.000 And B, she says, then let's fuck.

02:01:00.000 She said that!

02:01:00.000 What did I just do?

02:01:01.000 You were getting in bullshit, bro.

02:01:03.000 At this point, we don't know.

02:01:04.000 So anyway, I do say I'll join you in the shower if you have no objections.

02:01:10.000 So into the old shower we go.

02:01:12.000 Does this broad have a body?

02:01:14.000 Are you kidding me?

02:01:16.000 This scene is written by a virgin.

02:01:18.000 Are you fucking fooling me the ass on this broad?

02:01:25.000 Dude, is this supposed to be funny?

02:01:26.000 Like, this is depressing.

02:01:27.000 This makes me worried about our subscribers.

02:01:31.000 Who am I preaching to?

02:01:32.000 And by accident, it catches up.

02:01:34.000 The converted to shitty?

02:01:37.000 No.

02:01:37.000 Well, I'm all sorry and so forth.

02:01:39.000 Did he say that it was bad?

02:01:41.000 I don't remember.

02:01:41.000 No, I think he said it's an awesome sketch.

02:01:45.000 That wasn't so bad it's good.

02:01:46.000 That was so bad it's bad.

02:01:48.000 It's just depressing, actually.

02:01:49.000 Wow, what a perfect ending to a shitty episode.

02:01:52.000 Thanks for tuning in.

02:01:54.000 What about what if we end it with a happy note?

02:01:56.000 A funny video?

02:01:59.000 Maybe that's how we feel after that.

02:02:01.000 This is how I feel about that fucking video and perfume in general.

02:02:05.000 Thanks a lot, Caller.

02:02:07.000 This is your ideas.

02:02:09.000 That's your favorite movies.

02:02:10.000 That's the scene with your John Belushi, okay?

02:02:15.000 This is your fucking awesome 80s movie.

02:02:18.000 There's your Rob Lowe.

02:02:20.000 It's Jim Belushi, by the way.

02:02:23.000 Jim Belushi.

02:02:24.000 So take your fucking movies and your suggestions and go fuck yourself.

02:02:28.000 Certainly the bust of the extras were okay.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - January 18, 2020

GOML LIVE #30 - PUSSY WHIPPED

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