Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - GOML Live #32

00:00:13.000 Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.

00:00:20.000 Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.

00:00:28.000 Now I just plunge my finger into the hole.

00:00:30.000 Yeah.

00:00:31.000 Which is great, because as a married man, you don't really get to finger anymore.

00:00:36.000 Little blast from the past.

00:00:39.000 Although I have fingered Ryan once in a while.

00:00:41.000 Excuse me?

00:00:42.000 As a friend.

00:00:44.000 I don't remember that at all.

00:00:45.000 You can do things that are seemingly sexual, but if you do them with your friends, they're not like jerk a buddy off or whatever.

00:00:53.000 A bro job?

00:00:54.000 A bro job while you're reading a magazine like, meh.

00:00:58.000 That's not gay.

00:00:59.000 That's how you would do it?

00:01:00.000 Yeah, just like a man.

00:01:02.000 Is that how you like it?

00:01:03.000 I don't even care.

00:01:04.000 I didn't even notice I was doing it.

00:01:07.000 I'd pass.

00:01:08.000 Like in a buddy beach.

00:01:10.000 You ever do a BBJ?

00:01:11.000 Nope.

00:01:12.000 A buddy bow job?

00:01:14.000 I guess it's not gay, but I thought it was.

00:01:16.000 No.

00:01:17.000 But now that I know it's not gay, maybe.

00:01:18.000 No, it's gay if you moan.

00:01:20.000 I would never moan.

00:01:21.000 I would never moan.

00:01:23.000 Speaking of gay, I know you're busy and you're controlling the soundboard and the telecaster and all the various grapple grummits, but could you be a peach and put on what you had on earlier today?

00:01:37.000 Clothing-wise?

00:01:38.000 Yeah.

00:01:39.000 Oh.

00:01:41.000 That's the hardest I've ever laughed in years.

00:01:45.000 Don't want to.

00:01:46.000 Make sure that you get the t-shirt right, too.

00:01:50.000 Oh, I haven't styled my hair since the gym where I had several large men beat me.

00:01:56.000 I'm getting worse at boxing.

00:01:59.000 My only hope is the meteor, the overhand right.

00:02:04.000 And then I get that.

00:02:05.000 No, no, the white t-shirt.

00:02:08.000 That was crucial.

00:02:09.000 Hehehehe.

00:02:14.000 Ryan was so disturbed by my spit.

00:02:19.000 I did a spit take when I saw this outfit that he changed into whatever he had at the studio, which was a free shirt.

00:02:24.000 No, no, no.

00:02:25.000 You got to do bare body.

00:02:27.000 Yeah, everything is crucial here.

00:02:32.000 You were looking for what?

00:02:33.000 The openings to the shirt before you took off your other shirt?

00:02:38.000 That's crucial.

00:02:39.000 The fact that you tucked it in is crucial.

00:02:43.000 Tucked the front.

00:02:44.000 Like, what?

00:02:45.000 You might as well, I wore a turtleneck last week as a joke.

00:02:49.000 This is the exact same level of humor.

00:02:55.000 Okay, folks at home.

00:02:56.000 When you get a little over, just shuffle over.

00:02:58.000 And get the collars, right?

00:03:01.000 So this is, no, no, no, it was flat.

00:03:03.000 It was flat.

00:03:04.000 But you went, yeah, I'm just going to go out and get a BLD.

00:03:09.000 Oh my God.

00:03:13.000 And it was like 23 degrees today.

00:03:15.000 And you've got your jean jacket rolled up.

00:03:19.000 You look like you're in a Jack and Diane video.

00:03:21.000 Boom, ba-diddle-da-dang.

00:03:24.000 Doom, doom, doom.

00:03:25.000 Doom, doo-doo-doo.

00:03:26.000 Go let it rock.

00:03:28.000 You look like a really cool karaoke video from 1989.

00:03:35.000 The Japanese big karaoke video?

00:03:37.000 Yes.

00:03:38.000 Well, I got to put my Johnny Apple shirt on.

00:03:41.000 Yeah, you look like an Asian dude in a karaoke John Cougar Mellon camp video who's sort of like, oh, yeah, I'm so laid back and cool.

00:03:52.000 But the thing that shocks me about it is you went, this is a pretty good look.

00:03:56.000 I'm going to fucking rock this.

00:03:57.000 Go get a belt.

00:03:59.000 There are all sorts of freaks in the city.

00:04:01.000 I figured I'd blend right in, but I guess.

00:04:03.000 You probably would, but that's not a good thing in New York.

00:04:06.000 Yeah, I guess.

00:04:07.000 Sometimes you got to go.

00:04:08.000 You're blending in with the general populace of New York City.

00:04:11.000 Speaking of which...

00:04:11.000 You have a problem.

00:04:16.000 We've got some fun stuff.

00:04:17.000 Ryan went to the Trump rally in Wildwood, New Jersey, where he's from.

00:04:22.000 No, I'm not from there.

00:04:24.000 You know what a guy at the gym said to me today?

00:04:26.000 He goes, fucking Wildwood.

00:04:29.000 You ever been down there?

00:04:30.000 I go, no.

00:04:31.000 And he goes, that's where white trash were invented.

00:04:34.000 Wow.

00:04:35.000 He said that.

00:04:36.000 And he's white trash.

00:04:38.000 That's where people from Philly go to feel upper class, like to feel like, you know.

00:04:43.000 Hell yeah, I'd like to get some hoogies at some point.

00:04:47.000 But before we start the show, we should talk briefly about Johnny Apple CBD.

00:04:52.000 I use Johnny Apple CBD every day.

00:04:54.000 It helps me recover from all my boxing workouts.

00:04:56.000 You rub that in.

00:04:57.000 You know, when you do a leg day and your thighs, you're walking up the stairs like Robert De Niro in the Irishman with your little Tornosaurus Rex arms?

00:05:08.000 If you find that when you beat the shit out of someone that was rude to your daughter and you have T-Rex arms, you need Johnny Apple CBD.

00:05:18.000 It gives me the best sleep of my life, too.

00:05:21.000 The gummies.

00:05:22.000 I told everyone at my gym about how well Johnny Apple works for me and now everyone is using it.

00:05:27.000 If you want to feel as great as I do, go to jacbd.com, use promo code Gavin and get 20% off all orders plus free chipping.

00:05:37.000 Now, free chipping is when we send it to you free, but also include one or two particular.

00:05:42.000 Oh, wow, it's on YouTube?

00:05:44.000 Look at him.

00:05:49.000 What is with his little hand?

00:05:50.000 Looks like he's in a cast.

00:05:51.000 Well, this is getting us booted from the tube.

00:05:54.000 I'm kind of done with worrying about YouTube.

00:05:57.000 I was watching our last live YouTube, and we just live in fear.

00:06:01.000 Just fear.

00:06:02.000 Fuck it.

00:06:02.000 Yeah.

00:06:04.000 It's only a matter of seconds before we're banned anyway.

00:06:07.000 So yeah, use promo code Gavin, 20% off all orders, and free shipping.

00:06:12.000 Johnny Apple is made from USA grown hemp, American hemp.

00:06:15.000 You will not get high.

00:06:18.000 That should be their sample that they would use.

00:06:20.000 You will not get high.

00:06:22.000 I was wondering.

00:06:24.000 That was the T-Rex.

00:06:27.000 But you will feel as great as I do every day, and you will have the best sleep of your life.

00:06:31.000 Go to jacbd.com, use promo code Gavin, show the sponsors some love, but more importantly, show yourself some love and feel great.

00:06:38.000 I love these products.

00:06:39.000 Visit jacbd.com, use promo code GAVIN and treat yourself.

00:06:44.000 Look at that.

00:06:46.000 Look at that.

00:06:47.000 Are we supposed to promote Cavefe today?

00:06:49.000 I don't know.

00:06:50.000 I think we're-this is my weak, weak weakness.

00:06:53.000 My weak, weak weakness.

00:06:55.000 Your weekly weakness.

00:06:56.000 At Vice, I had Shane do all the marketing.

00:06:58.000 At Roosters, Sebastian handled all the marketing.

00:07:02.000 Marketing is not my forte.

00:07:04.000 I'm ungifted in that field.

00:07:07.000 So I found out what we need to do, what we need to talk about exactly one minute before we started the show.

00:07:15.000 I do love Jennifer.

00:07:16.000 What are you going to do?

00:07:18.000 And Bet DSI, but I'm not great at selling shit.

00:07:23.000 All right, so this is funny.

00:07:25.000 Tomorrow, if you're watching this on YouTube, you're probably a week behind.

00:07:29.000 But tomorrow, a project that made me dress in this silly costume called Decolonize.

00:07:38.000 What are they called?

00:07:40.000 Decolonize Europe or Decolonize New York?

00:07:43.000 Decolonize this place.

00:07:45.000 What place?

00:07:46.000 Earth?

00:07:47.000 Yeah.

00:07:48.000 Okay.

00:07:49.000 And I've had arguments with my wife's relatives about this.

00:07:52.000 Okay.

00:07:54.000 Because one of them said, I wish you never came here, meaning white men.

00:07:57.000 I go, okay.

00:07:59.000 What's your scenario?

00:08:01.000 So no Columbus.

00:08:03.000 That means no plague.

00:08:04.000 That's kind of good.

00:08:06.000 Because probably there'd be a lot more Indians in North America if there wasn't that plague that Columbus accidentally brought with the Europeans.

00:08:13.000 Which was really what killed the Indians.

00:08:16.000 They say it was colonization.

00:08:17.000 It was their own bubonic plague that came up from the Caribbean, up the west coast, and slowly spread east.

00:08:23.000 They were dying in droves when we got here.

00:08:25.000 But anyway, so no pilgrims, no British, no English.

00:08:34.000 They're not British.

00:08:36.000 No Canada.

00:08:39.000 Okay, how long does that last?

00:08:41.000 And would you have a giant wall, like a Trump wall, that just blows up boats, Spanish armadas, you just can't get in?

00:08:49.000 Okay.

00:08:50.000 So you do that.

00:08:51.000 That's absurd, by the way.

00:08:53.000 Totally fucking ridiculous.

00:08:54.000 We just burn it down.

00:08:55.000 But anyway, let's say that works well.

00:08:59.000 Now you want to do trade.

00:09:00.000 What are you trading?

00:09:01.000 Do you have skyscrapers?

00:09:04.000 Do your buildings look like our buildings?

00:09:06.000 Because I've seen Indian buildings, and believe me, I've made several Indians from scratch.

00:09:10.000 I have a lot of respect for them.

00:09:11.000 But the idea that they live in this perfectly preserved TP communion with nature, and the rest of us all live in the Industrial Revolution, it's just fucking ridiculous.

00:09:24.000 Basically, a lot of people say that it would have just happened.

00:09:28.000 Exactly.

00:09:28.000 It's an inevitability.

00:09:31.000 It happened across the world.

00:09:32.000 Japan had the Ainu there before the Japanese came.

00:09:36.000 Taiwan had the Taiwanese Aboriginals.

00:09:38.000 New Zealand had the Maoris.

00:09:41.000 Tell me your version of events.

00:09:44.000 So the fact that that is still going now, decolonize this place.

00:09:49.000 It gets crazier, though.

00:09:50.000 So what they're going to do tomorrow is, well, let me go back a step.

00:09:55.000 Stop.

00:09:56.000 De Blasio has realized he wrecked New York City.

00:09:59.000 He fucked up.

00:10:00.000 And he came up with brilliant rules like you can piss wherever the fuck you want.

00:10:05.000 You can do any kind of crimes that are, you know, not major felonies.

00:10:11.000 Conversely, if you're white and you love Trump and you're in the Proud Boys, well, you get four years in prison for fighting Antifa.

00:10:18.000 But Antifa, they can beat the shit.

00:10:20.000 So I shouldn't say white.

00:10:21.000 If you're right, if you're not left-wing, Antifa can go beat up journalists, take all their shit.

00:10:26.000 They're fine.

00:10:27.000 Slap on the wrist.

00:10:29.000 But he's realized he's turned New York back into not even Ed Koch, New York, but David Dinkins, New York.

00:10:37.000 It fucking sucks here now.

00:10:39.000 He's ruined it.

00:10:40.000 There's piss everywhere.

00:10:42.000 There's no bail anymore.

00:10:43.000 We had a guy rob a bank four times.

00:10:48.000 He was arrested, threw him in jail.

00:10:50.000 He came out because there was no bail, robbed a bank again, a fifth time.

00:10:57.000 They arrested him, went back in jail.

00:11:00.000 He robbed a bank a sixth time.

00:11:04.000 And it's not a felony because he doesn't use a gun.

00:11:06.000 I shouldn't have been holding my pen like this.

00:11:08.000 He just hands a note.

00:11:10.000 So anyway, de Blasio goes, I'm fucked.

00:11:13.000 What should we do?

00:11:14.000 And they go, he goes, what did Giuliani do, by the way?

00:11:16.000 That seemed to work out great.

00:11:18.000 He made Times Square turn from a brothel into Disneyland.

00:11:22.000 What should, can I do that?

00:11:23.000 And they go, well, sir, he did a lot of stop and frisk.

00:11:27.000 That sounds racist.

00:11:28.000 Well, actually, it stopped whites less than they occur in the crime stats.

00:11:33.000 So it was actually racist towards whites, if anything.

00:11:37.000 Sorry, stop whites more than they appeared in the crime stats.

00:11:40.000 Yeah, I just don't like the idea of black people being stopped all the time.

00:11:43.000 Okay, well, you're not going to like my number two because I just went poo on the piece of paper where you asked for ideas.

00:11:52.000 Get it?

00:11:53.000 Yes.

00:11:55.000 Oh, oh, oh, that's so disgusting.

00:12:00.000 Look how long we take to deliver jokes.

00:12:03.000 Welcome to jokes in slow motion.

00:12:06.000 No, my number two is not poo.

00:12:09.000 My number two is, all right, well, this one really works well.

00:12:13.000 We stopped turnstile jumpers.

00:12:16.000 Turnstile jumpers seems like an innocent crime.

00:12:18.000 Sorry, I don't have change.

00:12:19.000 But we found that when we did that, this is all true, that a gun would fall out or they'd be a heroin dealer.

00:12:25.000 And it just, I don't like it as an anarchist personally, me Gavin.

00:12:30.000 But something about nabbing those jaywalkers in New York City led to us catching real bona fide criminals.

00:12:40.000 We'd find heroin on them, all kinds of stuff.

00:12:43.000 So that's a really great way.

00:12:45.000 And plus, it's cheap and easy, and all you have to do is beef up the MTA security.

00:12:50.000 So de Blasio goes, all right, let's do that.

00:12:54.000 Fuck that.

00:12:56.000 And so because doing that tends to stop people of color more than white people because the reason that more black people get stopped jumping turnstiles is more black people jump turnstiles.

00:13:12.000 Sorry.

00:13:13.000 But the way the left works now is: what's the result?

00:13:16.000 Like, say you said fucking whipping knives from your car is illegal, and it led to a bunch of black people getting arrested.

00:13:25.000 They call it a racist law.

00:13:27.000 The Fields Medal is racist.

00:13:30.000 Anyway, so white people have gone absolutely nuts trying to stop this racist law.

00:13:38.000 And if you remember, there was a massive demonstration in Brooklyn where my favorite sign of all time, I'm sorry, we should have had this ready, but they stormed the streets, all white people stormed the streets screaming about racism and beefing up MTA security is racist, which beefing up, it's sort of like the wall.

00:14:00.000 Like, why do you care if my door has 10 deadbolts?

00:14:04.000 Am I overdoing the law?

00:14:06.000 Okay.

00:14:07.000 I'm still, it's still the law.

00:14:09.000 You know what I mean?

00:14:11.000 And by the way, aren't you all socialists?

00:14:14.000 Public transit is what socialists want.

00:14:16.000 They don't want cars.

00:14:17.000 They want the subway.

00:14:19.000 And it already is a socialist utopia.

00:14:22.000 The subway in New York costs about $275.

00:14:26.000 It costs about five bucks to run.

00:14:28.000 So the taxpayers are already footing half the bill, but they want the whole bill covered.

00:14:33.000 Anyway, a few weeks ago, they had this big demonstration.

00:14:36.000 And there was one girl.

00:14:39.000 I hope you can find it, Ryan.

00:14:40.000 I'm sorry to put the pressure on.

00:14:42.000 But she made a cardboard sign that said, oink, oink, you monsters.

00:14:49.000 And then it was this big.

00:14:51.000 And she was holding it, crying.

00:14:55.000 And that was her way of saying, I don't support more fucking cops in the streets.

00:15:01.000 Have you got it?

00:15:03.000 Maybe if you typed in oink, oink, you monsters.

00:15:05.000 I did try to Google it.

00:15:06.000 Nothing came up so far.

00:15:08.000 It's on my phone, which is charging.

00:15:10.000 Would you say it was last year?

00:15:12.000 It was a few months ago.

00:15:12.000 Yeah.

00:15:13.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:15:14.000 All right, we'll dig that up.

00:15:15.000 I promise you, we'll dig that up.

00:15:16.000 And it's something you want to screen grab and make a t-shirt of it.

00:15:19.000 I actually have it on my phone, saved it in my favorites, and I show it to cops whenever I can.

00:15:24.000 And I've never gotten a good response.

00:15:27.000 Maybe it's the cop.

00:15:28.000 Cops are kind of like doctors.

00:15:30.000 Like, they don't laugh the way I do at shit.

00:15:32.000 So when I show them, I go, can you, I explain the story I just explained to you?

00:15:36.000 And I go, can you fucking believe this?

00:15:38.000 And I want them to go, what the fuck?

00:15:40.000 That is so hilarious.

00:15:42.000 And they always just say the same thing.

00:15:44.000 They go, well, if that makes her better and that helps her get through her day, whatever.

00:15:48.000 It's perfectly legal.

00:15:50.000 Yeah, I know it's perfectly legal, dude.

00:15:52.000 Trying to have a laugh with you.

00:15:55.000 All right.

00:15:57.000 So they've made a video here announcing the massive vandalism that's going to go on tomorrow because the subway being paid 50% by taxpayers is insufficient.

00:16:08.000 We want free subways, you know, like there is in nowhere.

00:16:15.000 I think I found a place in Estonia, which was totally destitute, bankrupt.

00:16:21.000 And then they hired some punk guy who took over the country.

00:16:27.000 He said all his cabinet have to watch an entire, sorry, every single episode of The Wire.

00:16:32.000 And then he built a new parliament.

00:16:34.000 And I guess they have a town that has a free subway.

00:16:36.000 That's it.

00:16:37.000 No one has a free fucking subway.

00:16:40.000 What?

00:16:42.000 Anyway, play the video.

00:16:48.000 To all our friends, family, students, wage workers, teachers.

00:16:53.000 Just pause.

00:16:54.000 We know this was written by two rich white academics who are in their late 30s, early 40s.

00:17:03.000 Bald white male who wears shirts that say white supremacy is terrorism, and chunky, grumpy feminist who is childless and heading towards menopause like a fucking freight train.

00:17:16.000 And then they have their pet blacks come out and dress up in scarves and read their script, which reads like Marxist claptrap from someone's PhD.

00:17:30.000 Fuck the police three is coming, J31, right here in New York City.

00:17:35.000 We encourage you to talk with your friends.

00:17:37.000 It is, right?

00:17:38.000 It has tits.

00:17:40.000 By the way, you can see what she sounds like if you just put that in Premiere Pro and then pitch correct, like change the pitch.

00:17:46.000 Family, and think of the ways you can move in affinity to build and fuck shit up on J31.

00:17:52.000 Move in Affinity.

00:17:55.000 What?

00:17:56.000 Is that like welfare or healthcare?

00:17:59.000 My affinity plan?

00:18:00.000 Classic thug talk.

00:18:03.000 Pay attention to our social media where we're going to post the meetup location so that we can converge and move together.

00:18:09.000 So you just gave away the meetup location.

00:18:13.000 The mood for J31 is simple.

00:18:16.000 Fuck your 275.

00:18:21.000 Yeah.

00:18:22.000 By the way, we're also going to be having another rally at McDonald's called fuck your fucking $1.89 Big Macs.

00:18:29.000 Big Macs are free.

00:18:30.000 Everything in McDonald's should be free.

00:18:32.000 The government has enough money.

00:18:34.000 Why can't they get some of these billionaires like Warren Buffett and Bill Gates to pay for our Big Macs and our subway rides and our movies?

00:18:42.000 I had to pay for the movies the other day.

00:18:44.000 You know what that cost?

00:18:45.000 Just looking for some entertainment.

00:18:47.000 God.

00:18:48.000 No cops in the MTA, free transit, no harassment, period, and full accessibility.

00:18:56.000 We hope to come through.

00:18:58.000 Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.

00:19:00.000 Full accessibility.

00:19:01.000 So is he talking about wheelchair access?

00:19:04.000 Like, they really cast a wide net, don't they?

00:19:06.000 These guys?

00:19:10.000 Yo, I don't like the people having to pay $275.

00:19:13.000 We also have to decolonize everywhere in the world.

00:19:17.000 And also, more wheelchair ramps.

00:19:21.000 Anything else?

00:19:22.000 Balloon animals.

00:19:24.000 Also, if you're bald, you can get sunburnt.

00:19:27.000 So there should be free suntan lotion stations Throughout the summer in public places, or some charcoal head covers or a hat, free hat, free hats that say decolonize to move with us on J31.

00:19:45.000 Move with us.

00:19:46.000 Fuck the police.

00:19:48.000 Yeah, that's a woman.

00:19:49.000 Yeah.

00:19:50.000 Yes.

00:19:51.000 So some it's almost like Caligula or something.

00:19:56.000 Some rich white man has black woman perform for him.

00:20:01.000 Just say old of this, would you?

00:20:03.000 It's like Robert De Niro.

00:20:05.000 It's Robert De Niro at an Oscars after party with his black servants dancing.

00:20:13.000 It's an evolution of puppetry.

00:20:16.000 Puppet puppetry.

00:20:17.000 Puppet Puppetry.

00:20:18.000 For not having 275, no one should get a ticket.

00:20:22.000 For not having 275, no one should have a ticket.

00:20:27.000 Do you think this would stop?

00:20:28.000 How much should it be?

00:20:30.000 50?

00:20:30.000 Two bucks?

00:20:31.000 No, free.

00:20:33.000 Should anything else be free?

00:20:34.000 They should give me a dollar when I walk through.

00:20:36.000 Yeah.

00:20:38.000 What if they accepted EBT?

00:20:39.000 Not trying to sound like an asshole.

00:20:41.000 Legitimately, if they accepted EBT cards, do you think they'd be able to do that?

00:20:43.000 Well, that's the thing.

00:20:44.000 This is what you have to understand.

00:20:45.000 This goes back to the impeachment trial.

00:20:47.000 It's not about the logic or the goal or the philosophy or anything being legitimate.

00:20:52.000 It's just about eyeballs.

00:20:54.000 So say I do a thing like, why is Ryan a pedophile?

00:20:59.000 And it's a debate we have for two weeks.

00:21:02.000 People are hearing Ryan pedophile, Ryan pedophile, Ryan pedophile.

00:21:04.000 That's it.

00:21:05.000 That's just as good as him being a pedophile.

00:21:07.000 And during that whole two weeks, I'm getting money for the Save the Babies fund.

00:21:13.000 I don't really like that analogy.

00:21:15.000 I love it.

00:21:16.000 It's great.

00:21:18.000 I'm beyond angry.

00:21:21.000 So, and the SPLC is like this.

00:21:23.000 The ADL is like this.

00:21:24.000 They don't really care about Nazis.

00:21:26.000 They know Nazis aren't a thing, but it pays the bills.

00:21:29.000 It's like climate change.

00:21:31.000 You go when you ask for grants.

00:21:33.000 If you say things are peachy, you don't get any money.

00:21:36.000 So this is all a lie.

00:21:38.000 And the dummies out there protesting, they are doing it for fashion because it's the hot thing that week.

00:21:45.000 All right, maybe my phone is charged enough for me to find you this much.

00:21:50.000 But you should pick up your Trump thing.

00:21:52.000 Oh, do we want to go to Wildwood?

00:21:55.000 Yeah.

00:21:56.000 All right.

00:21:59.000 Okay, good.

00:21:59.000 Okay.

00:22:01.000 Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.

00:22:03.000 Wait?

00:22:04.000 Yeah.

00:22:08.000 By the way, we're kind of sloppy how we do things here.

00:22:10.000 That's because we're punks.

00:22:12.000 Do you mind if it's emailed?

00:22:15.000 Because the Wi-Fi might.

00:22:16.000 I don't mind at all.

00:22:17.000 Okay.

00:22:20.000 Oh, no.

00:22:23.000 I'm not seeing it, dude.

00:22:25.000 You're not seeing it?

00:22:26.000 I'm not seeing it.

00:22:29.000 It's not in my favorites.

00:22:31.000 How is it not in my favorites?

00:22:33.000 I mean, I'm scrolling through a lot of stuff here.

00:22:34.000 What am I?

00:22:35.000 A tarded?

00:22:37.000 That's very disappointing, Gavin.

00:22:40.000 Now on a live show.

00:22:42.000 Okay, you know what we'll do?

00:22:44.000 I'll scroll through my stupid fucking phone when we show this.

00:22:48.000 So anyway, in other news, Trump.

00:22:53.000 I'm talking about impeachment there.

00:22:54.000 Trump.

00:23:00.000 He's on trial now for saying to Ukraine, you should investigate the Bidens.

00:23:08.000 Now, if the Bidens are innocent, that's not a big deal.

00:23:12.000 But that is using your money to make another country thwart your presidential opponent.

00:23:22.000 I disagree.

00:23:25.000 First of all, I'm fine with quid pro quo.

00:23:28.000 So I'll give you this money, but you have to do this.

00:23:30.000 Secondly, if you're asking someone to investigate someone and they're guilty of the kind of crimes Biden's committed, yeah.

00:23:39.000 If he's going to be president, I want him investigated.

00:23:43.000 In fact, that's what everyone does before they get behind a presidential candidate.

00:23:47.000 They talk to someone who's really in the know and they say, hey, man, is there something I don't know about like Ted Cruz?

00:23:55.000 Did he rape a girl in high school or something?

00:23:57.000 Because I don't want to put all my eggs in his basket and then get them smashed.

00:24:02.000 So it's perfectly normal to ask to investigate Joe Biden.

00:24:06.000 And thirdly, Joe Biden did this.

00:24:09.000 He bragged on TV at a conference and said, I told him to drop the investigation.

00:24:15.000 I said, you're not getting any money if you don't.

00:24:17.000 I said, I'm getting on a plane.

00:24:18.000 I'll land in six hours.

00:24:19.000 When I land, this whole thing better be OV.

00:24:24.000 That's the exact same case.

00:24:25.000 Anyway, Alan Dershowitz made this point.

00:24:28.000 This is 1-2 now.

00:24:31.000 And the general consensus from all these amateur fucking Hollywood people, actors, and retarded comedians who are somehow political experts.

00:24:44.000 This is the first, before Trump, you didn't really get comedians talking about the minutiae of the political realm the way you do now and calling major attorneys, major First Amendment attorneys like Alan Dershowitz, who's written tomes, books upon books.

00:25:04.000 And you have Mike Brabiglia, who has Down syndrome, telling people, I've been told by many people that Alan Dershowitz is very, very, very, very smart.

00:25:15.000 And I've been willing to believe these people, starts a sentence with and, until now.

00:25:20.000 This argument is stupid.

00:25:22.000 And by the way, be wary of two words when you hear people talking.

00:25:25.000 Folks.

00:25:27.000 If someone says folks, they're an asshole.

00:25:29.000 And two, stupid.

00:25:31.000 If someone keeps talking about how everyone is stupid, they're probably stupid.

00:25:37.000 Now, if they say someone has Down syndrome, they're probably pretty cool because they're avoiding the term stupid.

00:25:43.000 But look at this clip that is so stupid.

00:25:46.000 Yesterday, I had the privilege of attending the rolling out of a peace plan by the President of the United States regarding the Israel-Palestine conflict.

00:25:56.000 Just passed.

00:25:58.000 I would just like to make it perfectly clear That there is zero chance of that happening.

00:26:03.000 Bill Clinton went to Camp David, he sat down, he gave Israel the shittiest deal they've ever had, and he showed Yasser Arafat and he said, Here, look, I fucked them.

00:26:14.000 And in any other negotiation, Yasser Arafat could run home and go, guys, I nailed it.

00:26:22.000 But he walked out of the meeting because the Palestinians can't have a solution.

00:26:28.000 That's not their role.

00:26:29.000 They're like the gremlins post-water and sun.

00:26:33.000 They need conflict to justify their existence.

00:26:36.000 So if Yasser Arafat had gone back with that thing and said, I found an agreement, you guys, we're good.

00:26:43.000 He would have been assassinated.

00:26:46.000 You don't think Saudi Arabia has enough money to house Palestinians?

00:26:50.000 You don't think they have miles of air-conditioned tents everyone could live have?

00:26:54.000 No.

00:26:55.000 They need them there with the rocks.

00:26:56.000 They need the photo op of the rocks.

00:26:58.000 The guy in the wheelchair throwing the rock.

00:27:02.000 But yeah, go ahead and try.

00:27:04.000 It's cute.

00:27:06.000 Anyway, sorry, that's a tangent.

00:27:07.000 Hypothetical the other day.

00:27:09.000 What if a Democratic president were to be elected and Congress were to authorize much money to either Israel or the Palestinians, and the Democratic president were to say to Israel, no, I'm going to withhold this money unless you stop all settlement growth or to the Palestinians.

00:27:30.000 I will withhold the money Congress authorized to you unless you stop paying terrorists.

00:27:36.000 And the president said, quid pro quo.

00:27:40.000 If you don't do it, you don't get the money.

00:27:44.000 If you do it, you get the money.

00:27:46.000 There's no one in this chamber that would regard that as in any way unlawful.

00:27:53.000 The only thing that would make a quid pro quo unlawful is if the quo were in some way illegal.

00:28:00.000 Now we talked about motive.

00:28:02.000 There are three possible motives that a political figure can have.

00:28:08.000 One, a motive in the public interest, and the Israel argument would be in the public interest.

00:28:13.000 The second is in his own political interest.

00:28:18.000 And the third, which hasn't been mentioned, would be in his own financial interest, his own pure financial interest, just putting money in the bank.

00:28:27.000 I want to focus on the second one for just one moment.

00:28:30.000 going too long.

00:28:31.000 Every public official...

00:28:34.000 What a stupid idiot.

00:28:36.000 Like, that is a sound, solid argument.

00:28:40.000 But when you hate Trump, everything else is noise.

00:28:44.000 Anyway, that was my segue to get into our new segment, Ryan on the Street, wherein he goes to various events.

00:28:55.000 So Ryan went to Wildwood, New Jersey to check out the Trump rally there.

00:29:01.000 I did.

00:29:02.000 What'd you think before we look at it?

00:29:04.000 Oh, I had a lot of fun.

00:29:05.000 I love that.

00:29:06.000 I can't see you.

00:29:07.000 I love that dang town.

00:29:08.000 Oh, I got to put my seat up.

00:29:09.000 I was down there.

00:29:10.000 Why do you love Wildwood, New Jersey?

00:29:12.000 We go there every summer.

00:29:15.000 Is it a Puerto Rican ball?

00:29:17.000 No, I think it's.

00:29:18.000 No.

00:29:19.000 I don't think so.

00:29:20.000 I don't see too many Puerto Ricans out there.

00:29:23.000 It's kind of like a mixed group.

00:29:24.000 It's just like the floor.

00:29:24.000 I don't know.

00:29:26.000 You gotta adjust your bangs every single time we have a conversation on this.

00:29:29.000 Until my hair is as long as it was when you were asking me to cut it, I'm not happy.

00:29:33.000 No, you were doing it when your bangs were long, too.

00:29:36.000 Yeah, but I was happy when I did it.

00:29:38.000 Now I'm sad.

00:29:38.000 Okay, we're not talking about your happiness level.

00:29:41.000 We're talking about how annoying it is to see a guy like every time he talks.

00:29:46.000 I'm so sad about it.

00:29:48.000 But anyway, it was fun.

00:29:50.000 Me and my buddy Hodge went down there to talk to the folks.

00:29:50.000 It was a lot of fun.

00:29:55.000 Oh, you're a dick.

00:29:56.000 Barely any.

00:29:58.000 You're a dick.

00:29:58.000 You said folks.

00:30:01.000 All right, let's start it.

00:30:02.000 Okay.

00:30:09.000 Ryan Katzu Rivera here.

00:30:11.000 We're at the Trump Rally in Wildwood, New Jersey.

00:30:13.000 It's very exciting.

00:30:14.000 A lot of energy here.

00:30:15.000 A lot of Trump supporters.

00:30:16.000 I don't see any protesters at all, but I do see a really long line.

00:30:20.000 The convention center holds 7,000 people and there's 100,000 tickets that were requested.

00:30:25.000 People are already lining up.

00:30:26.000 Let's talk to him and see what they say.

00:30:32.000 Hey, we're here with Jim.

00:30:34.000 He's riding around on a cooler.

00:30:35.000 I've never seen anything like this before.

00:30:37.000 Are you selling beverages?

00:30:38.000 I am not.

00:30:39.000 Now, that's a good way to get locked up.

00:30:40.000 No beverages.

00:30:40.000 No.

00:30:41.000 Oh, gotcha.

00:30:42.000 So that's all for you?

00:30:43.000 No, there's nothing in here.

00:30:44.000 We're just taking it all in.

00:30:46.000 Are you interested in attending the rally or just kind of seeing the festivities?

00:30:49.000 He's going to land across the street from the house, so we're just down to see him land.

00:30:53.000 That's pretty awesome.

00:30:54.000 You live locally here in the summer.

00:30:54.000 Yeah.

00:30:56.000 Do you get pro-Trump vibes, anti-Trump vibes?

00:30:59.000 What is it?

00:31:00.000 Anybody talks politics down here at all?

00:31:01.000 I mean, it's kind of like when you're in a bar.

00:31:03.000 The rules are you're on vacation, you don't talk about politics.

00:31:06.000 So I would say it's, you know, it's a Philly crowd, so you would think it would be more Democrat, but believe it or not, there's a decent break of Republican and Democrat.

00:31:17.000 Right, but generally, Trump supporters are fun.

00:31:19.000 They ride on coolers.

00:31:21.000 This is true.

00:31:22.000 Okay, very cool.

00:31:23.000 Thanks, Jim.

00:31:24.000 Good meeting you.

00:31:25.000 You too.

00:31:25.000 What is your most favorite thing about you, sir?

00:31:28.000 That I'm an American.

00:31:31.000 Promises made?

00:31:32.000 Promises kept, sir.

00:31:33.000 Keep America great.

00:31:34.000 You're a good, fine young man.

00:31:36.000 Thank you, sir.

00:31:38.000 Sir, how you doing?

00:31:39.000 Oh.

00:31:41.000 I just want to ask you.

00:31:43.000 So that guy was just riding a cooler around for fun.

00:31:46.000 Yes.

00:31:47.000 And he had sliders on.

00:31:50.000 I don't understand.

00:31:50.000 So he made a cooler mobile.

00:31:52.000 Yes.

00:31:53.000 And then after a while, he started thinking, I don't need to carry beer.

00:31:56.000 This is just a really cool way to get around.

00:31:57.000 Maybe he was lying.

00:31:59.000 What's his mother?

00:32:00.000 He might have had detective shitty.

00:32:01.000 He might have had some liquor in there.

00:32:03.000 Liquor?

00:32:04.000 I want to drive around with some liquor.

00:32:07.000 Instead of a flask in my pocket, I'm going to put it in a giant cooler.

00:32:10.000 He might be doing a little delivery.

00:32:13.000 A delivery of what?

00:32:14.000 Like 10 bottles of booze?

00:32:15.000 A delivery.

00:32:17.000 Wow, your theories suck so much shit.

00:32:20.000 Am I to resume?

00:32:22.000 Yes.

00:32:24.000 Think about Trump.

00:32:25.000 Look at our comedy.

00:32:25.000 Everything.

00:32:29.000 It's true.

00:32:31.000 Are you a fan of the American flag?

00:32:33.000 Are you a fan of this?

00:32:35.000 Yeah, we're getting to that.

00:32:38.000 Do you.

00:32:38.000 How are you doing, sir?

00:32:39.000 He's a nice guy.

00:32:40.000 He's nice to him.

00:32:41.000 Yeah, I'm sure everybody.

00:32:43.000 I don't hate anybody.

00:32:44.000 So my name's Ryan.

00:32:45.000 Ryan, Joe, nice to meet you.

00:32:47.000 What do you think is the worst thing about Trump?

00:32:52.000 Unmuted?

00:32:53.000 Go ahead.

00:32:53.000 Yeah, just keep it unmuted.

00:32:55.000 Okay.

00:32:56.000 So go back.

00:33:00.000 What is this?

00:33:01.000 Remember who you're supporting.

00:33:03.000 By the way, can you go to a Black Lives Matter rally and say, remember what you're saying, that cops are racist, cops, black cops are killed, blah, blah, blah.

00:33:13.000 Like if you had a sign like that at any other rally, you'd be dead.

00:33:18.000 You went to an Antifa rally?

00:33:20.000 Remember, Trump has helped anarchy more than any of you.

00:33:23.000 Surrounded.

00:33:24.000 He's draining the swamp.

00:33:26.000 That's what anarchists do.

00:33:27.000 You'd be fucking stabbed.

00:33:29.000 So the fact that this guy can sit there and tell us all the fuck off shows how wonderful we are and how kind.

00:33:35.000 But anyway, let's look at his stupid fucking sign for a second.

00:33:39.000 Think is the worst thing.

00:33:41.000 No, just keep it as a frozen thing.

00:33:43.000 Thinks the wheel was invented in America.

00:33:45.000 You know what that's from?

00:33:47.000 Make me a little square.

00:33:49.000 There we go.

00:33:51.000 He was talking about Steve Jobs and Apple and stuff, and he said, we have to cherish our inventors.

00:33:58.000 You know, these people are very important.

00:34:00.000 People invent things.

00:34:01.000 Thomas Edison, the light bulb, the wheel.

00:34:03.000 These things matter.

00:34:04.000 We got to cherish this.

00:34:06.000 Now, that became, according to the fucking disgruntled virgins at the Daily Beast, that became, he thinks the wheel was invented.

00:34:16.000 No, he's speaking generally about inventors.

00:34:19.000 Yes, the wheel was invented a gazillion years ago in fucking Mesopotamia in Iraq or something, in the Middle East, in the Fertile Crescent.

00:34:28.000 We all know it goes way back.

00:34:32.000 How would anyone think the wheel was invented in America?

00:34:36.000 America's 200 years old.

00:34:39.000 Jesus H. Christ.

00:34:40.000 So that's just a ridiculous misunderstanding.

00:34:43.000 And again, they go through his dialogue with a fine-tooth comb and they go, up, that, if I take that joke out of context, that could be retarded.

00:34:54.000 Or if I say he was talking about Thomas Edison and then he said the wheel, so he thinks Thomas Edison and the wheel were around the same kind of time zone.

00:35:04.000 And this is one of his three points.

00:35:05.000 This is a third of his message.

00:35:08.000 Well, it's a whiteboard so he can scrub.

00:35:10.000 Two hundreds of thousands.

00:35:11.000 Is it really?

00:35:11.000 It's a whiteboard.

00:35:12.000 It's like Bristol board to me.

00:35:14.000 No, it's a cardboard, but it's functional as a whiteboard.

00:35:18.000 How do you know?

00:35:18.000 He told me.

00:35:19.000 I think he says it in this.

00:35:21.000 Okay.

00:35:21.000 Okay, so that's three.

00:35:23.000 Number two, called neo-Nazis very fine people.

00:35:25.000 No, he fucking didn't.

00:35:27.000 He was talking about Charlottesville, where there was two things going on.

00:35:32.000 One was a protest about Confederate statues being taken down, and then one was the Antifa versus the Nazis.

00:35:42.000 He was talking about the first one when he said there's very fine people on both sides, meaning there's very fine people who want the statues taken down and very fine people who don't want the statues taken down.

00:35:51.000 And by the way, saying that it's not us versus them basically prevented a fucking civil war.

00:35:59.000 So that was a really good move on his part to sort of dilute the equation a little bit.

00:36:07.000 And now number one said, grab woman by the pussy.

00:36:10.000 Well, anyone watching me knows, you know, that's the problem with this show really is when I explain things like my video, 10 Things I Hate About the Goddamn Motherfucking Jews, everyone who knows me knows that it was satirical and an homage to Israel.

00:36:24.000 So I can't convince them.

00:36:25.000 And then the ones who don't want to be convinced, they don't care.

00:36:28.000 They just want to use it as a tool.

00:36:30.000 This goes back to the Ryan pedophile analogy, which I don't like.

00:36:34.000 They don't care about the truth.

00:36:35.000 They just want this.

00:36:36.000 They want to keep saying it because they want to win.

00:36:39.000 That's why they call you racist.

00:36:40.000 They don't think you're racist.

00:36:42.000 They just notice that that seems to stick.

00:36:45.000 So yeah, when you're rich and powerful, beautiful women are attracted to you.

00:36:50.000 They let you kiss them.

00:36:51.000 Sometimes they let you grab them by the putsy.

00:36:53.000 It's crazy.

00:36:55.000 Pussy.

00:36:55.000 I did hear that a little bit, but...

00:37:01.000 I want to grab your putsy.

00:37:01.000 It's like that.

00:37:03.000 What was the Trump thing that he recovered from?

00:37:05.000 Criminal, no, no, no, no, no, no.

00:37:07.000 Look.

00:37:08.000 All you got to do is just that.

00:37:08.000 Yeah.

00:37:12.000 You're going to fuck up your words if you're saying a lot of words.

00:37:14.000 Yes.

00:37:14.000 But yeah, he didn't say go up to a chick and grab her other pussy, which goes back to this decolonize this shit where I said, really?

00:37:22.000 Like, and I keep repeating this.

00:37:24.000 Play it out.

00:37:26.000 They say this in AA.

00:37:27.000 I just want to have one beer.

00:37:29.000 Play it out.

00:37:30.000 You're going to have two beers.

00:37:31.000 Then you're going to have three.

00:37:32.000 Then you're going to hit some Coke.

00:37:33.000 Then you're going to do shots.

00:37:35.000 Then you're going to do heroin.

00:37:36.000 Then you're going to OD.

00:37:38.000 So play it out.

00:37:39.000 You really think a human male said, you know what you can do?

00:37:44.000 You can go up to checks and grab that cunch.

00:37:49.000 Of my shiman, I hugged a rabbit to death.

00:37:53.000 No, he said the truth, which is when you're fucking famous, women will let you grab them by the pussy and they like it.

00:38:01.000 Not all women, but women who are attracted to you and your fame and your fucking money.

00:38:07.000 Maybe you're not rich and famous and haven't tried it out.

00:38:10.000 Talk to Johnny Knoxville about women and having their pussy scrapped.

00:38:16.000 Go ahead.

00:38:17.000 As I was telling my friend here, who's a Trump supporter, it's the...

00:38:30.000 He's holding a sign of minor transgressions.

00:38:35.000 I could forgive my entire whiteboard, but I won't.

00:38:38.000 I don't care about minor transgressions, which is why I'm holding them on my tits.

00:38:45.000 And the issues that the world is facing.

00:38:52.000 Why do some people not pronounce G's like Bill Schultz?

00:38:55.000 Facing.

00:38:58.000 I was sleepy to add.

00:39:00.000 What is sleeping?

00:39:02.000 It's a certain type of person.

00:39:03.000 Facing.

00:39:04.000 Yeah, I know what you mean.

00:39:05.000 It's like facing.

00:39:08.000 Facing, facing.

00:39:09.000 I don't know.

00:39:11.000 His grasp of the world and world culture and our support to other nations, like this whole Ukraine scandal.

00:39:19.000 He has no understanding.

00:39:23.000 And it's the imbecilic comments, right?

00:39:26.000 He has no understanding.

00:39:28.000 And it's the imbecilic comments.

00:39:30.000 That's an imbecilic comment.

00:39:31.000 Well, to be fair, he didn't finish his sentence.

00:39:36.000 Why are you wearing a Shaquille O'Neal's jacket?

00:39:41.000 It's a large jacket.

00:39:42.000 You look like a little baby going for a job interview.

00:39:45.000 Look.

00:39:46.000 First day of school.

00:39:46.000 You look like a foreign exchange dude.

00:39:50.000 I bought that at a Ross's discount clothing.

00:39:53.000 Why?

00:39:54.000 It was $20 and it was warm.

00:39:56.000 And I wanted to wear something between shoots, but then it became so like, hey, it's just keep it on.

00:40:01.000 It was cold.

00:40:02.000 I wanted to wear it between shoots, but then it became so, hey, just keep it on.

00:40:06.000 You talk like him.

00:40:09.000 That's why we leveled off so well.

00:40:11.000 By the way, what do you think of that guy sitting there with the black hoodie on the phone?

00:40:16.000 He's dope.

00:40:18.000 Possible Antifa.

00:40:20.000 Sure, what the fuck are they going to do?

00:40:22.000 He was just there on the phone, like, relaying stuff.

00:40:23.000 I don't know.

00:40:24.000 We got sketched out.

00:40:25.000 I got sketched out.

00:40:25.000 And Hodg was like, what are you talking about?

00:40:27.000 Sketch it up.

00:40:28.000 It's the imbecilic comments, right?

00:40:30.000 It's like, what an embarrassment.

00:40:33.000 Do you feel contempt towards Trump supporters or just Trump?

00:40:37.000 Just a Trump.

00:40:37.000 So here, I'm here.

00:40:39.000 To politely remind folks, I have a...

00:40:42.000 Oh.

00:40:43.000 Thank you.

00:40:45.000 Oh, folks.

00:40:45.000 Folks.

00:40:46.000 Told you.

00:40:47.000 Douche word.

00:40:48.000 Anyone who says folks is a good douche.

00:40:50.000 It's like saying, I'm one of the people.

00:40:53.000 It makes you sound like you have overalls on.

00:40:56.000 I'm just here with my folks.

00:40:57.000 That's as practical as saying my kin.

00:40:59.000 We're just like non-racist folks, just trying to help people of color folks make their way through life.

00:41:05.000 You know, Obama like made that.

00:41:07.000 Everybody started using folks.

00:41:09.000 Oh, there's a lot of folks out there.

00:41:11.000 Right?

00:41:12.000 Folks.

00:41:13.000 But right, because I can write other things.

00:41:15.000 People are used folks.

00:41:16.000 Really?

00:41:16.000 Yeah, Volkswagen is a Volkswagen.

00:41:20.000 That was a Nazi car.

00:41:20.000 Oh.

00:41:22.000 Oh.

00:41:24.000 what Trump has said and done in his time as president.

00:41:29.000 Have you gotten any...

00:41:33.000 I think folks have been very friendly.

00:41:34.000 Yes, certainly some laugh and boo.

00:41:37.000 Sure, but that's to be expected.

00:41:38.000 I mean, it's all good fun, generally.

00:41:40.000 Yeah, and that's one guy made the comment, too.

00:41:42.000 It's like, makes the country one nice thing about the country, right?

00:41:47.000 We can do this and be polite about it, you know, and be friendly.

00:41:50.000 So, yeah, just makes the country, you know, one of the nice things about the country.

00:41:55.000 And his beef with Trump is that he's not articulate enough.

00:41:59.000 Maybe if you had the language at your disposal, you could talk about how illiterate people are.

00:42:08.000 A polite reminder to folks about some of these things this gentleman has done.

00:42:13.000 And maybe some of the folks with a reasonable mind might know, all right, maybe I need a question why I support him.

00:42:21.000 Well, it was nice talking to you.

00:42:23.000 It's good to get another perspective.

00:42:25.000 And your hat has bat wings on it.

00:42:28.000 I think it's a black pussy hat, isn't it?

00:42:31.000 Don't touch my black pussy.

00:42:33.000 How's that for corrupting someone else's culture?

00:42:36.000 You're not going to touch my pussy.

00:42:37.000 I'm a black woman.

00:42:38.000 I have Leslie Jones' pussy.

00:42:42.000 Try it, motherfucker.

00:42:44.000 Just try it.

00:42:45.000 I have none grabbing.

00:42:46.000 I'm a black woman.

00:42:47.000 No one's touching my black pussy.

00:42:49.000 Wait, can you pause?

00:42:59.000 you We've got a lot of footage here.

00:43:01.000 I knew this show would go by fast.

00:43:04.000 I've sent you the oink oink thing.

00:43:07.000 But before we show it, I would love you to go to betdsi.com slash gavin.

00:43:12.000 Why choose betsi?

00:43:13.000 Because I choose betsi.

00:43:15.000 I win and I love it.

00:43:16.000 And we've got the Super Bowl coming up this Sunday where the Kansas City Chiefs are going to win 18 to 9.

00:43:23.000 That's what you think.

00:43:24.000 An incredible game, spine-tingling game with only one major injury.

00:43:29.000 We're going to have Shakira come out there and sing that her hips don't lie.

00:43:34.000 And Jennifer Lopez, you notice they're trying to get Hispanic women or something.

00:43:38.000 They're trying to pull in other demographics to football.

00:43:41.000 There's no more country music and rock.

00:43:42.000 We already got them.

00:43:44.000 So it's like, Shakira, Shakira.

00:43:46.000 Oh, my hips don't lie.

00:43:48.000 Oh, baby, when you talk about that.

00:43:50.000 You make my titties go flat.

00:43:57.000 That was silly.

00:43:58.000 That was stupid, and I regret it deeply.

00:44:01.000 They've been paying winners for 20 years.

00:44:03.000 It's a top-rated betting review site.

00:44:05.000 So use your sports knowledge to make sure extra cash this week, like I do.

00:44:09.000 Bet DSI has a very user-friendly interface and mobile site, and Bet DSI takes slash pays out Bitcoin as well as cash.

00:44:16.000 You know, I was listening to ESPN the other day, and they had a PC Richardson call-in where if you sit on the phone for like two hours and eventually get through, you might win a $50 gift certificate.

00:44:28.000 Or at the bar, at lunch, they were playing Jeopardy, and the main prize was $20,000.

00:44:35.000 $20,000?

00:44:36.000 You divide that by the five family members and you pay the 40% tax?

00:44:40.000 You're barely going to pay for your flight and hotel.

00:44:42.000 I hope they pay for that.

00:44:45.000 Not with Bet DSI.

00:44:46.000 New members get 120% bonus match using promo code Gavin.

00:44:50.000 That's more than double your money to start winning today.

00:44:51.000 I play at Bet DSI and I recommend Bet DSI if you want to make extra cash.

00:44:55.000 Once again, go to betdsi.com and use promo code Gavin and get this limited time, 120% bonus offer plus a $25 free wager to test the waters.

00:45:03.000 Don't miss out and go make some extra cash betting this season.

00:45:08.000 It's only a game until you bet it at Bet DSI.

00:45:14.000 That's kind of a weird sentence.

00:45:15.000 And go make some extra cash betting.

00:45:17.000 It's like make some cash betting?

00:45:19.000 Go make some extra cash, comma, betting this season.

00:45:23.000 All right, do you have the picture?

00:45:25.000 I do.

00:45:28.000 This is it, folks.

00:45:30.000 Now, fuck, First of all, all that other stuff is funny, right?

00:45:34.000 Make the MTA free.

00:45:35.000 Who's making it free?

00:45:37.000 Go to the top there.

00:45:38.000 End racist police brutality.

00:45:40.000 No cops on the MTA.

00:45:42.000 You know, the south side of Chicago was successful in making sure no cops go there because cops are racist and they hurt people.

00:45:48.000 And the south side of Chicago is up to a murder a day, which is New York.

00:45:53.000 Even though Chicago's much smaller.

00:45:56.000 What is it?

00:45:56.000 I think it's about a third the size?

00:45:58.000 No, maybe half the size.

00:45:59.000 Baltimore is a third the size.

00:46:00.000 And they have a murder a day in their cop-free zones.

00:46:03.000 But anyway, that's not why we're here, folks.

00:46:06.000 Why we're here is my favorite picture of 2019.

00:46:09.000 Not that one.

00:46:10.000 Nope.

00:46:12.000 This.

00:46:13.000 This is my favorite thing.

00:46:16.000 I actually don't like...

00:46:24.000 Crop that out as much as possible.

00:46:27.000 Oink, oink.

00:46:29.000 So she did that with White Out.

00:46:32.000 Right?

00:46:32.000 She got a piece of cardboard with some scissors.

00:46:38.000 It's adorable.

00:46:39.000 It's so small.

00:46:42.000 It's four inches by four inches.

00:46:45.000 Oink, oink, you monster, she holds.

00:46:48.000 Hey, big statement, little piece of paper.

00:46:49.000 Bawling her fucking eyes out.

00:46:52.000 And the idea that a cop is going to see that and be like, that stings.

00:47:00.000 Not going to lie.

00:47:01.000 That fucking stings.

00:47:03.000 You're basically calling me a pig because I got assigned to turnstile jumpers against my will.

00:47:09.000 I don't give a fuck about turnstile jumpers.

00:47:12.000 I'm here to catch bank robbers and racists, but whatever.

00:47:15.000 I got to do my job.

00:47:16.000 Oink, oink, you monster.

00:47:20.000 I want to make, should we make it a shirt that just says oink, oink, you monster?

00:47:26.000 No, because then some cops might go, that's a weird fucking anti-cop shirt.

00:47:30.000 Well, what if you put it on the pocket?

00:47:33.000 No, the only way you can make this shirt, sorry to interrupt you, is to have that chick and cartoon tears coming out of her eyes like crazy.

00:47:41.000 Uh-huh.

00:47:42.000 You know, and then girl.

00:47:43.000 That's the joke.

00:47:44.000 That's the job.

00:47:45.000 Yeah, that could be a good pocket image.

00:47:48.000 Oink, oink, you monster.

00:47:51.000 World's most ineffective gesture.

00:47:54.000 World's most fruitless gesture in the history of fucking protests.

00:47:58.000 All right, let's get back to fun people protesting.

00:48:02.000 Oh, this would be the Jersey video.

00:48:05.000 Yes, it would.

00:48:05.000 Wildwood.

00:48:06.000 Yes.

00:48:07.000 In which I go to the rally of Trump.

00:48:09.000 Now, do these people live there?

00:48:11.000 Are those their party vacation homes?

00:48:14.000 Some of them.

00:48:15.000 Most of them have homes, but they just visit there during the summer because during the winter, it's like dead.

00:48:15.000 You know what?

00:48:22.000 Just let me rewind.

00:48:23.000 I said, do people live there or is it their vacation homes?

00:48:25.000 And then he says, no, most people have other homes and then they're just there when it's fun because in the winter, it's like dead.

00:48:32.000 So the answer is vacation home.

00:48:34.000 That's a vacation home.

00:48:35.000 That's much shorter than just repeating my question in the affirmative.

00:48:35.000 Okay.

00:48:38.000 It's the majority because there's tons of hotels too, frankly.

00:48:43.000 There's a lot of hotels too.

00:48:45.000 It might be 50-50.

00:48:46.000 Who knows?

00:48:47.000 No, that doesn't mean the homes aren't vacation homes.

00:48:50.000 Oh, the homes?

00:48:51.000 Yeah, the majority.

00:48:52.000 I would say.

00:48:54.000 USA!

00:48:54.000 Alrighty.

00:48:56.000 USA!

00:49:00.000 It seems like we have the most fun.

00:49:02.000 You know, there's a cookout, there's food going on, there's music.

00:49:04.000 That's why I'm back here.

00:49:06.000 I just have to squirt.

00:49:07.000 We met a protester there, like an anti-Trump guy, and I asked him, I was like, do you feel threatened?

00:49:12.000 And he's like, not at all.

00:49:13.000 He's had some good conversations with folks.

00:49:16.000 What are you cutting to me?

00:49:16.000 Oops.

00:49:18.000 folks.

00:49:19.000 Oh, that's Yes.

00:49:21.000 But I'm still right.

00:49:22.000 I said people who say folks are douches.

00:49:25.000 She's aging well, isn't she?

00:49:26.000 She's probably 48.

00:49:28.000 Wow.

00:49:29.000 Yeah, maybe.

00:49:30.000 She looks fantastic.

00:49:32.000 Do you feel like we're generally less hateful and nicer people than people that hate Trump?

00:49:37.000 I think everybody has been very nice.

00:49:40.000 You go to these big things that there's hate and everything else.

00:49:44.000 There has been none of that.

00:49:46.000 Very comfortable.

00:49:47.000 Everybody has become friends.

00:49:49.000 It was wonderful.

00:49:51.000 Everybody's having a great time.

00:49:53.000 Promises made?

00:49:54.000 Yes.

00:49:55.000 Promises kept.

00:49:56.000 Yes.

00:49:58.000 You say promises kept?

00:50:00.000 Am I supposed to say that?

00:50:00.000 I don't know.

00:50:01.000 I say promises made and you say promises kept.

00:50:03.000 That's one of the things I say.

00:50:05.000 Promises made?

00:50:06.000 Promises kept.

00:50:07.000 Donald Trump is the man because he's the only president that's going to be able to broker a deal with the peace between Palestine and the Israelis.

00:50:15.000 He's doing it today.

00:50:16.000 Just pause.

00:50:17.000 Let's just give up on that, shall we?

00:50:20.000 The solution to Israel and Palestine is a wall, and it's going smashingly.

00:50:24.000 It's time to agree to disagree.

00:50:28.000 It's going to be historic.

00:50:30.000 It's going to be a historical thing.

00:50:32.000 It's going to be the greatest thing they ever pulled off, you know?

00:50:35.000 Yeah.

00:50:36.000 And, you know, he's the man.

00:50:38.000 I feel very safe with President Trump.

00:50:41.000 I feel very safe.

00:50:42.000 I feel like our country will be very safe.

00:50:44.000 I think the economy is just fantastic.

00:50:47.000 He's helped more people get out of poverty and move ahead and give them opportunities than ever before.

00:50:53.000 Just pause.

00:50:54.000 You see, this is what Americans really care about.

00:50:57.000 Everyone talks about trans and these fucking HuffPo bloggers are lost in their white supremacy witch hunts.

00:51:04.000 Americans know that that's not a thing.

00:51:06.000 Americans know that jobs are all that matters.

00:51:10.000 And so when you provide jobs, you win.

00:51:14.000 I hope they have room on Mount Rushmore for him.

00:51:18.000 The reason why he's so popular, I think he relates to Middle America, to the average Joe's.

00:51:24.000 He comes down to our level.

00:51:25.000 He knows what we want.

00:51:26.000 He knows what we're all about.

00:51:28.000 And I feel that he truly believes and loves America and loves us.

00:51:36.000 Loves us.

00:51:38.000 And I truly believe that.

00:51:40.000 So that's why I think he's so popular and people love him.

00:51:44.000 Are you from Philly?

00:51:45.000 Yeah, I am.

00:51:47.000 What's in the glass?

00:51:48.000 Is it water?

00:51:49.000 Is there any water in there?

00:51:51.000 It's chunk wine.

00:51:54.000 We're going to go have a hoagie.

00:51:55.000 We'll be right back.

00:51:58.000 Promises made.

00:51:59.000 Huh?

00:52:00.000 Promises made.

00:52:01.000 Promises kept.

00:52:03.000 So, Chez, you're here.

00:52:04.000 You're seeing us.

00:52:05.000 That guy looks awesome, by the way.

00:52:06.000 Yeah, he kind of does.

00:52:07.000 But why would you assume people would get your promises made, promises kept thing?

00:52:10.000 Oh, if you watch any of his things, he says that a lot.

00:52:14.000 Really?

00:52:14.000 Yeah, it's like on t-shirts and all that.

00:52:16.000 And by the way, Trump wine.

00:52:19.000 Oh, let's have some Trump wine.

00:52:20.000 Trump wine.

00:52:21.000 Wait, can you see it?

00:52:22.000 Wait, can you see it?

00:52:24.000 Trump, winch.

00:52:25.000 That's a bottle of Trump.

00:52:26.000 Trump Chardonnay.

00:52:28.000 Wow.

00:52:29.000 Why would I want anything on the menu less good?

00:52:32.000 Why would I want something less good?

00:52:35.000 Oh, you want to showcase a new imitation.

00:52:37.000 So we had a lot going on this week, folks.

00:52:40.000 You don't pay for this, so you don't know that we had Larry Barnes, Walter Waite champion, Olympic hopeful, state champion many times over, come in and go through his most consequential fight with Felix Trinidad.

00:52:54.000 And he broke down where he zigged where he should have zagged.

00:52:57.000 And he actually went through the temple punch that disoriented him.

00:53:01.000 We've also had Maddie Odell.

00:53:03.000 He was Hell's Angel president who spent 10 years in prison and actually ended up, totally coincidentally, in Jeffrey Epstein's cell.

00:53:12.000 This is, of course, like years and years before Jeffrey Epstein was there.

00:53:15.000 So he tells us about the cell and everything.

00:53:17.000 That was fun.

00:53:18.000 We did an instructional video on what to do when naked crackheads jump on your car.

00:53:23.000 It's been a lot of fun stuff.

00:53:24.000 But the beauty of Ryan's incredible mimicry, which, by the way, is the only reason he has a job, obviously.

00:53:30.000 So I would do the imitations as much as possible because it's why you're here.

00:53:34.000 What is the tation?

00:53:36.000 What is the tation?

00:53:38.000 In this industry, it's imitation nerves for talking.

00:53:41.000 Oh, what's the tation?

00:53:42.000 All tations, you should keep doing tations.

00:53:44.000 You're like a super hot chick with huge tits that's a fucking idiot.

00:53:49.000 I guess, in other words, you're a fucking idiot.

00:53:53.000 But your huge tits are your imitations.

00:53:55.000 So you should be cramming Bill Burr into every sentence, dude.

00:53:59.000 Pays your bills.

00:54:01.000 There we go.

00:54:02.000 Trump won.

00:54:03.000 Do you want the...

00:54:05.000 A glass?

00:54:06.000 No, I'll get the other glass.

00:54:08.000 I'll take it.

00:54:09.000 I don't approve of men.

00:54:10.000 Oh, this is plastic?

00:54:11.000 Yeah.

00:54:11.000 I don't approve of men drinking wine if it's not dinner.

00:54:16.000 Something about holding a stem is very emasculating.

00:54:19.000 Plastic stem is worse.

00:54:21.000 If you must drink wine because you're out of booze, have it in a glass like they do in France.

00:54:27.000 Of course, Ryan, having his first job, the only other glass he has is Waterford Crystal.

00:54:33.000 Which is weird.

00:54:34.000 Why do you have the most expensive fucking glasses in the world?

00:54:37.000 Well, it's because I wanted to take my whiskey drinking seriously back when I was drinking more.

00:54:43.000 And I have a decanter still.

00:54:48.000 And I thought it would be a nice touch because you're always drinking whiskey, but you never use it.

00:54:53.000 Alright.

00:54:54.000 Go ahead.

00:54:56.000 But the drinking?

00:54:58.000 Yeah, go ahead and have a sip.

00:54:59.000 Like, I give a fuck if you were drinking cyanide.

00:55:03.000 Wait, what was the new impression that I was doing?

00:55:05.000 Oh, sorry.

00:55:06.000 I totally forgot.

00:55:07.000 Maddie Odell.

00:55:09.000 I don't think I have a Maddie Odell impression.

00:55:12.000 Yes, you do.

00:55:14.000 I don't want to go there.

00:55:15.000 He's going to kill you?

00:55:15.000 Why?

00:55:16.000 He watches every show.

00:55:17.000 He's a funny guy.

00:55:19.000 Yes, he is.

00:55:20.000 What's he going to do, you fucking pussy?

00:55:22.000 Why don't you grow at least one ball?

00:55:24.000 As my father would say, would you like me to show them back on?

00:55:29.000 What is it?

00:55:32.000 Yeah, I've seen Jeffrey Epson Stell, and, you know, he was there.

00:55:35.000 He was a pretty good guy, but, you know.

00:55:39.000 Was that it?

00:55:39.000 That was terrible.

00:55:40.000 I don't remember.

00:55:41.000 Were we watching this?

00:55:42.000 His voice is higher than that.

00:55:44.000 As you were editing it, I did this whole setup about how you get good at imitations or tations, if you will.

00:55:50.000 Right.

00:55:51.000 Because you sit with these things for hours editing them.

00:55:54.000 And being good at it, if you will.

00:55:57.000 Yeah, but it's atomy.

00:55:59.000 Clearly.

00:56:00.000 I got to watch Maddie Odell again.

00:56:02.000 Which I would, because it's a good episode.

00:56:04.000 Censored.tv.

00:56:05.000 Wow, that flopped.

00:56:07.000 I didn't know what you were even setting me up for.

00:56:09.000 I was like, uh-oh.

00:56:11.000 So we got this.

00:56:12.000 How would he beat you up for imitating his voice?

00:56:14.000 I don't know how things work over there.

00:56:16.000 And I was just like, hi, I'm Maddie Odell.

00:56:19.000 I just spit wine everywhere.

00:56:24.000 All right.

00:56:25.000 It's funny how this guy doesn't give a shit.

00:56:25.000 Look at this guy.

00:56:28.000 Fuck the world.

00:56:29.000 And I spent about an hour and a half on my hair.

00:56:32.000 Trump supporters here.

00:56:33.000 How do you feel about this whole deal?

00:56:34.000 Actually, thank you for stopping.

00:56:37.000 You're about to be here.

00:56:37.000 I've been arrested.

00:56:40.000 Speechless, no words?

00:56:42.000 Just the rally?

00:56:43.000 Yeah.

00:56:44.000 What are your feelings about President Trump?

00:56:45.000 Well, I mean, we are one of those blue seats, but look at the guy in the background.

00:56:50.000 He has a swastika on his jacket that's crossed out because he doesn't like Nazis.

00:56:58.000 Way to think outside the box.

00:57:00.000 Looks like it would be a sound.

00:57:01.000 How is that for Brave?

00:57:03.000 Are you also anti-rape?

00:57:06.000 You know what?

00:57:07.000 If there was a bunch of fucking Nazis trying to take over Europe, I would want America to go in there and kill them all.

00:57:12.000 That's how much I hate Nazis.

00:57:15.000 I'd even work with Stallions.

00:57:16.000 Blue states, but Kmay County is a red county in a blue state, so it makes sense that he would do it here.

00:57:23.000 So you're a Trump supporter?

00:57:24.000 No.

00:57:25.000 Okay, you don't like the guy?

00:57:27.000 No.

00:57:28.000 What do you think about his supporters, though?

00:57:29.000 Overall, it's been pretty quiet and pretty peaceful, right?

00:57:33.000 Yeah, for the most part.

00:57:34.000 Do you have any contempt against the Because he said nerds are fucking nerds, and losers are losers, and fat pigs are fat pigs.

00:57:44.000 And we had hidden that.

00:57:46.000 Indie rock, shoegazing music had taken away the jocks and the in-crowd.

00:57:52.000 And now the nerds were cool.

00:57:53.000 Started with Square Pegs, starring Sex in the Cities, Sarah Jessica Parker.

00:57:58.000 And all of a sudden, the quarterback and the cheerleader were not the in-crowd.

00:58:01.000 It was the freaks.

00:58:03.000 And then we let the freaks run the show, and they started ruining everything.

00:58:06.000 And then Trump came along and went, it's never really been the freaks.

00:58:09.000 We've just been saying that.

00:58:10.000 It's actually us, the jocks, the guys with the fucking blonde mullets and the wraparound sunglasses and the jet skis.

00:58:17.000 And you're a fat pig who stuck a bunch of shit in his face and spent an hour and a half on his fucking hair.

00:58:23.000 Fuck that.

00:58:25.000 I'm a badass.

00:58:26.000 No.

00:58:27.000 You're a fat ass.

00:58:29.000 Trump supporters or anything?

00:58:31.000 No, they're people.

00:58:33.000 We're all people.

00:58:34.000 I have three supporters in my family.

00:58:36.000 What is it do you think that you most dislike about Trump?

00:58:41.000 Oh, man.

00:58:43.000 The thing that I dislike about him the most?

00:58:46.000 I think he's making our country look bad.

00:58:49.000 We should be talking about that, Ryan.

00:58:52.000 It sounded kind of threatening.

00:58:54.000 It was a little antagonistic, but whatever.

00:58:56.000 You know, I don't like that Trump's making us look bad in front of wonderful places like San Francisco.

00:59:00.000 I'm sorry, like Northern Europe.

00:59:03.000 Who's done such Belgium, Denmark, Scandinavia, Sweden, Norway?

00:59:08.000 You've done such a great job with refugees and improving your country.

00:59:12.000 I'd hate to be embarrassed around you.

00:59:14.000 Canada, I'd hate to be embarrassed in front of Justin Trudeau and everything he's done for that country.

00:59:20.000 The fucking billions of dollars he's pouring into media to make sure they give him a good story.

00:59:25.000 fucking, uh, Ezra Levant wrote a book about Justin Trudeau, how much he sucks.

00:59:30.000 And, um, the police came, Do you have this?

00:59:38.000 Can we go off on a tangent here?

00:59:40.000 Is that, oh.

00:59:41.000 Wait, hold on one second.

00:59:42.000 Where is it now?

00:59:45.000 Yeah, it's one of the most fucked up things I've ever seen.

00:59:47.000 He wrote a book called The Labranos, like a play on the Sopranos.

00:59:52.000 And next thing you know, Canada's CIA has called him in to discuss it.

00:59:58.000 Where did I put this?

00:59:59.000 Did I put it in racism?

01:00:00.000 Levant.

01:00:01.000 Maybe Women that appears.

01:00:02.000 Levant?

01:00:03.000 No.

01:00:04.000 I see Ezra's son.

01:00:04.000 Wait, where is it?

01:00:07.000 Yeah, it should be above that.

01:00:09.000 Gotcha.

01:00:12.000 How about that band Better Than Ezra?

01:00:13.000 What's that about?

01:00:14.000 They suck.

01:00:15.000 The King of Getting Fire, Getting in Trouble?

01:00:17.000 Yeah.

01:00:18.000 Today we're here about Revel News.

01:00:22.000 Oh, I know that.

01:00:23.000 Go to the very beginning.

01:00:25.000 Today we're here about Revel News.

01:00:28.000 Cut me out.

01:00:29.000 Oh, I know that.

01:00:30.000 And I'm just asking you to confirm that not a single other loving book of Trudeau is being investigated.

01:00:38.000 But once we're done, if you believe that there should be complaints that are...

01:00:43.000 I'm not a bully and a censor.

01:00:46.000 I'm not a bureaucrat looking to justify my budget like you.

01:00:49.000 I go out and earn my living every day, fella.

01:00:55.000 You call in authors to grill them about a book criticizing your boss.

01:00:59.000 Think about who you are.

01:01:01.000 We called the director of Rebel News Network Limited.

01:01:05.000 Yeah, who happens to be the author of the book?

01:01:07.000 I think they're just going to.

01:01:08.000 It looked like he was hit by this.

01:01:10.000 They told him he can't record in there, by the way, because it's a government building.

01:01:13.000 But he recorded anyway.

01:01:15.000 Because he's the king of get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.

01:01:19.000 And you're an inspiration to me.

01:01:21.000 Never stop fighting.

01:01:22.000 I mean, but you are a bureaucrat.

01:01:24.000 I go out there and I earn my living.

01:01:26.000 Okay.

01:01:27.000 Didn't it seem like he actually hurt his feelings right there?

01:01:27.000 Okay, fella.

01:01:29.000 Like the guy was like, fuck.

01:01:31.000 We've had some arguments in the past where he'll end an email chain with, go fuck yourself, shithead.

01:01:38.000 Yeah, like I signed a contract with him that I would only do Miles for Rebel.

01:01:38.000 Really?

01:01:42.000 And then I did it on Crowder's show.

01:01:44.000 And he just goes, I thought we had a contract.

01:01:45.000 And I go, no, no, that's for Rebel.

01:01:47.000 I'm going to put it on Rebel.

01:01:47.000 And he goes, go fuck yourself, shithead.

01:01:51.000 And part of me is, the Scottish part of me is like, I'm never speaking to you again.

01:01:56.000 But with Ezra, you'd like, I don't know, you work it out.

01:01:58.000 You kind of want him to be rude to you.

01:02:00.000 I can't explain it.

01:02:01.000 It's like a pit bull.

01:02:02.000 Like you let it, it bites you and you go, fuck.

01:02:04.000 I think he got it back because when he went to you did the interview with him, as he was coming and he had his briefcase on him and everything, you're like, well, Ezra, I see you're still a nerd.

01:02:14.000 It was the most cutting, mean thing.

01:02:16.000 to be a chapter about you two fellas in the next edition.

01:02:18.000 So Given these are cops who got desk jobs and they're regretting it right now.

01:02:30.000 They're like, I don't know what to say to this guy.

01:02:33.000 Certainly do.

01:02:36.000 We want more?

01:02:37.000 No, you get the idea.

01:02:38.000 It's really awesome.

01:02:39.000 25-minute video.

01:02:40.000 What's it called?

01:02:41.000 25-minute video.

01:02:42.000 It's called Hidden Camera.

01:02:44.000 Police interrogated me about my Justin Trudeau book.

01:02:47.000 They didn't know it.

01:02:48.000 I wouldn't want to be embarrassed in front of Justin Trudeau, who sends the police to investigate authors who write bad things about him.

01:02:54.000 I have something to debut.

01:02:56.000 We're going way over time here.

01:02:57.000 Ezra's seven-year-old son taught me a magic trick.

01:03:02.000 Is it time-coded?

01:03:03.000 No, here's what I want you to do.

01:03:05.000 You have your phone?

01:03:06.000 Okay.

01:03:07.000 I'm going to look away and you choose a number between 1 and 100 and you cube it.

01:03:13.000 Are you smart enough to know what that means?

01:03:15.000 Yes, you times it by itself.

01:03:18.000 And then again.

01:03:21.000 Oh, times it by itself.

01:03:22.000 Yeah, squared is by itself.

01:03:24.000 That's why there's a 2 for squared.

01:03:27.000 So 2 cubed is 2 times 2 is 4 times 2 is 8.

01:03:32.000 Right, right, right.

01:03:33.000 Okay?

01:03:33.000 Yeah.

01:03:34.000 So go to this camera with your phone.

01:03:40.000 Okay, go to the camera with the phone.

01:03:42.000 This camera with your phone.

01:03:43.000 Put in a number.

01:03:45.000 Don't let me see the number.

01:03:48.000 So it has between 1 and 100.

01:03:50.000 How do I cube on here?

01:03:56.000 Okay, so whatever number you chose, say it's 31, you go 31 times 31, and then whatever that number is times 31.

01:04:11.000 This is great for parties.

01:04:12.000 If you're with losers and nerds.

01:04:16.000 What?

01:04:18.000 It turns it by itself.

01:04:19.000 Square root, I mean, cubed...

01:04:19.000 Okay.

01:04:22.000 Cube root.

01:04:23.000 64.

01:04:26.000 You just gave me the number.

01:04:28.000 Oh, wait, is that the number?

01:04:29.000 64?

01:04:30.000 No, no, no.

01:04:32.000 Choose a number between 1 and 100.

01:04:35.000 Any number.

01:04:36.000 99, 1, 36, any number.

01:04:41.000 Multiply it by itself, and then by that number again.

01:04:43.000 So say it's 31.

01:04:45.000 31 times 31.

01:04:46.000 Times 31.

01:04:47.000 Which will give you like 93 times 31.

01:04:53.000 So there's, are you showing them the original number?

01:04:55.000 Yes.

01:04:57.000 It'll auto-focus.

01:04:59.000 This is a huge number, and I don't know.

01:05:01.000 This is a huge number, and I don't know how you're going to get it.

01:05:04.000 Exactly.

01:05:04.000 Okay.

01:05:05.000 That's the fun.

01:05:06.000 It's 300,763.

01:05:10.000 Wait, did you show them the original number?

01:05:15.000 Okay, do it again and show them the original number.

01:05:15.000 No.

01:05:20.000 Jesus Christ, why is this so fucking complicated?

01:05:23.000 So show them the number, say it's 31, you let the camera focus on the 31.

01:05:28.000 And then you go 31 times 31 times 31.

01:05:30.000 So this is a new one here.

01:05:33.000 200,074, 625.

01:05:37.000 Wait, can I show the number?

01:05:38.000 Okay, so 274625?

01:05:43.000 274625.

01:05:43.000 Yes.

01:05:45.000 Wow, that's a tough one.

01:05:46.000 Okay.

01:05:47.000 You ready for this?

01:05:48.000 Yes.

01:05:49.000 Five.

01:05:51.000 And then kill those.

01:05:53.000 27465.

01:05:56.000 Wow.

01:05:57.000 That's correct.

01:05:59.000 That's very strange.

01:06:01.000 Look at the smile.

01:06:03.000 That really is fun, huh?

01:06:05.000 Yeah, here's the key, folks.

01:06:07.000 Show them that video.

01:06:08.000 Okay.

01:06:09.000 Only...

01:06:14.000 The last number of the thing is always the same as the original one, except for 8, 7, 2, and 3.

01:06:22.000 Here, I'll let them show the video.

01:06:26.000 Oh, yeah, they couldn't hear me from the mics.

01:06:31.000 It's a fun party trick.

01:06:34.000 We're an hour or seven minutes.

01:06:36.000 I know.

01:06:36.000 And you look so smart when you see a crazy number, like 274,625, and you just sit there at the bar.

01:06:45.000 It should be at a bar.

01:06:46.000 And you're like, 65.

01:06:52.000 This video I'm going to teach you how you can calculate cube roots in your head.

01:06:56.000 Why would you ever want to do this?

01:06:57.000 The education secretary, Nikki Morgan, was recently on TV and put on...

01:07:06.000 Skip ahead.

01:07:08.000 Remember the last digit.

01:07:09.000 And you don't have to remember the cubes.

01:07:10.000 You don't have to do the cubes.

01:07:11.000 You don't have to memorize them.

01:07:12.000 You just go in your head, like say it was 342.

01:07:16.000 You go 6 times 6 is 36.

01:07:18.000 Times 6 is going to be like about 180, 100 and maybe 200.

01:07:26.000 And then you know that's going to be less than 343.

01:07:29.000 39,304.

01:07:32.000 The first thing I want you to do is look at the last digit.

01:07:36.000 The last digit of 39,304 is 4, which we're going to put in a box.

01:07:42.000 So we look up 4 in the last digit, and that corresponds to the number 4.

01:07:48.000 So we write down the number 4.

01:07:51.000 The next step is we ignore the last three digits of our number.

01:07:55.000 So in 39,304, we're going to just ignore the 304.

01:08:02.000 And now we want to find the closest cube without going over.

01:08:06.000 So 39 is between 27 and 64.

01:08:10.000 So it's 3.

01:08:11.000 So it's actually closest to 27 without going over, which means it's closest to the cube of 3.

01:08:18.000 And that gives us the other part of our answer, which is 3.

01:08:21.000 Anyway, so here we have it.

01:08:23.000 That's just evidence that Ezra is a wonderful dad because this fucking kid is that smart.

01:08:30.000 I don't know if it's good for a kid to be that smart.

01:08:33.000 Like, if a kid looks at 274,625 and goes 65, some crazy Haitian voodoo woman is going to go, it's good for a guy wearing a suit in a bar.

01:08:49.000 All right, sorry, let's get back to your video.

01:08:51.000 Okie.

01:08:52.000 Our video.

01:08:56.000 This is going to be on the event.

01:08:58.000 Ryan on the streets, YouTube.

01:09:00.000 Yeah, I had to lie to them and tell him Ryan on the streets on YouTube.

01:09:02.000 Is that a lie?

01:09:03.000 This is our segment, Ryan on the Streets.

01:09:05.000 Yes, that is true.

01:09:07.000 Yes, of course.

01:09:09.000 What do you like most about Trump?

01:09:11.000 You know what, I appreciate, I appreciate, You know what I'm saying?

01:09:22.000 I like the anti-political correctness sort of stance he's been taking because I just can't stand that nowadays.

01:09:28.000 That's basically it, though.

01:09:30.000 Do you have a lot of friends?

01:09:31.000 Ladies, marry this man.

01:09:35.000 We found you a man, single ladies.

01:09:38.000 Like, no bullshit, bare bones.

01:09:40.000 I'm not going to lie to you and pretend I understand foreign policy, but I think that politics is downstream from the culture and he's done with political correctness.

01:09:48.000 And I feel like that's going to benefit us more than most things.

01:09:54.000 That guy can fix a car.

01:09:58.000 That don't like Trump.

01:10:00.000 I have a lot of friends within the mixed area.

01:10:01.000 A lot of my friends originally began big Trump guys.

01:10:05.000 Back in 2016, we were big, big, big Trump guys.

01:10:07.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:10:08.000 So like little on later on in life, a few years going by, even myself, I'm not the biggest Trump guy.

01:10:14.000 Granted, I'm wearing a shirt, but I'm not the biggest Trump guy in the world.

01:10:16.000 I'm really, really not, especially when it comes to the bump stock ban and whatnot like that.

01:10:21.000 But even knowing that, though, I still have to say with the other competitors that are going on right now, the other candidates, I still have to stand with Trump, man.

01:10:29.000 I still have to.

01:10:30.000 What could you expect more out of Trump that he's not doing?

01:10:34.000 You know, I'll tell you this right now.

01:10:36.000 I just want to try and protect American rights.

01:10:38.000 That's what I want to say at least.

01:10:39.000 At the very least, protect American rights.

01:10:41.000 Constitution.

01:10:41.000 That's it.

01:10:42.000 Yeah, really.

01:10:43.000 Yeah.

01:10:43.000 Uphold the Constitution.

01:10:44.000 That's the basic thing I could possibly say as of right now.

01:10:47.000 You know what I'm saying?

01:10:48.000 Foreign relations, it's very difficult.

01:10:50.000 It's a very muddled-down situation.

01:10:51.000 It's very, very difficult.

01:10:52.000 But just right now, let's stay the bare bones.

01:10:54.000 Just protect American rights, man.

01:10:55.000 That's all I got to say as of right now.

01:10:56.000 I appreciate the Omega.

01:10:58.000 Do you think he's Scottish?

01:11:00.000 No.

01:11:01.000 I think his ethnicity is probably English Protestant.

01:11:04.000 But he's probably been here.

01:11:05.000 I smell like four generations.

01:11:08.000 Because that accent, it sounds Chicago-y, but it also sounds kind of like a Scottish.

01:11:14.000 Do you call a Scottish accent a brogue?

01:11:16.000 Oh, shut up, Detective Shitty.

01:11:17.000 Move forward.

01:11:18.000 Thank you very much.

01:11:19.000 Enjoy your day.

01:11:20.000 problem.

01:11:28.000 We came across.

01:11:29.000 Huh?

01:11:30.000 Nice B-roll.

01:11:31.000 Thanks.

01:11:31.000 You're in BTK?

01:11:32.000 Do you want to keep this behind the paywall?

01:11:34.000 I want people at YouTube to be angry at me for saying, let's not give them everything, but I think we shouldn't give them everything.

01:11:39.000 Oh, that's a fun idea.

01:11:41.000 Yeah, we usually go to college.

01:11:42.000 All right, let's end the show.

01:11:45.000 But before we do, let's talk about Johnny Apple CBD, and we're going to show you a lot more footage from this Trump rally.

01:11:51.000 I use Johnny Apple CBD every day.

01:11:53.000 I mentioned earlier, it helps me with my recoveries.

01:11:55.000 We have the tincture here.

01:11:57.000 We do the gummies.

01:11:58.000 You will not get high, but you will feel as great as I do every day, and you will have the best sleep of your life.

01:12:04.000 Go to jacbd.com and use promo code Gavin.

01:12:08.000 Show the sponsors some love, but more importantly, show yourself some love and feel great.

01:12:12.000 I love these products.

01:12:13.000 Visit jacbd.com.

01:12:15.000 Use promo code Gavin and treat yourself.

01:12:18.000 We're about to take some calls.

01:12:20.000 We're going to finish watching Ryan's footage.

01:12:23.000 And we're also going to encourage you to, as we saw with Ezra Levant, taping the police, get fired.

01:12:33.000 Get in trouble.

01:12:35.000 Be brave.

01:12:37.000 And never stop fighting.

01:12:40.000 Music.

01:12:57.000 Wine lowers my IQ.

01:13:00.000 Yes.

01:13:01.000 It makes me so stupid.

01:13:01.000 Yes.

01:13:03.000 Makes me sleepy.

01:13:04.000 Why are you lying?

01:13:06.000 That'd be funny if you had intervention with Dr. Now, but it was booze.

01:13:10.000 He's like, I need you to come down to maybe three budweisers a day and only do Maker's mark, maybe one shot, every three days.

01:13:21.000 And then I would come in and see him and go, hey, Dr. Now, how are we doing?

01:13:28.000 You have obviously been having Makers Mark and you are lying to me.

01:13:33.000 You are not following the regimen and I can't give you the surgery on your liver until you be honest with me.

01:13:40.000 I am being honest.

01:13:42.000 I had like a Miller light.

01:13:45.000 And you're a good dude.

01:13:46.000 Oh my God.

01:13:47.000 You know what?

01:13:48.000 You're totes Hilarskis.

01:13:51.000 I hate it when my wife is fucking drunk.

01:13:53.000 I think it's because we're both a team and we're both on a ship called Our House and Our Kids.

01:14:00.000 And when she's shithammered, it's like one of the captains is out.

01:14:05.000 And now I'm just like, all right, I hope there's no problems.

01:14:08.000 I can't get drunk.

01:14:09.000 Or there's no captains.

01:14:11.000 You now have one plus kids.

01:14:13.000 Yeah.

01:14:14.000 But of course, I get shit faced.

01:14:16.000 So, you know, I'm being a hypocrite.

01:14:18.000 Right.

01:14:19.000 All right, let's get back to your cool video.

01:14:21.000 Okay.

01:14:23.000 Which was a success, by the way.

01:14:24.000 Thanks.

01:14:25.000 We like to shit on Ryan, but when he does it right, he does it right.

01:14:29.000 Just high quality.

01:14:30.000 Trying to provide some content.

01:14:32.000 This has now become a regular thing, by the way.

01:14:35.000 Oh, yeah?

01:14:35.000 Ryan on the street is a thing.

01:14:37.000 R on the S. Here it comes.

01:14:43.000 We came across this just getting some lunch, and we see like this awesome Trump train.

01:14:49.000 Trump train bus train.

01:14:51.000 But this is brand new.

01:14:52.000 You just put this on the road?

01:14:53.000 Yeah, we're actually a charity that finds kidnapped kids.

01:14:56.000 We find kids free of charge, America Association for Lost Children.

01:14:59.000 And they found my kids.

01:15:01.000 That's how I got involved.

01:15:02.000 So as a fundraiser for the charity and to help the president promote him and his great cause, we thought we would build this Trump train and go around the country and sell hats and shirts as a fundraiser for the charity to find more kidnapped kids.

01:15:14.000 Well, so we can take a look inside?

01:15:17.000 This is very cool.

01:15:21.000 He didn't tell them, though.

01:15:23.000 So you're just walking in and they're like, who the fuck is this?

01:15:26.000 But they've been letting people in the whole time because they sell merch.

01:15:29.000 Are you having trouble breaking down the alcohol?

01:15:32.000 Do you feel a big buzz in your bones?

01:15:34.000 A little bit.

01:15:37.000 May you?

01:15:38.000 May I?

01:15:39.000 I don't know if you should.

01:15:40.000 Is there more?

01:15:41.000 There's plenty more, but I'm not sure you have the enzymes to handle it.

01:15:49.000 The Enz rhymes.

01:15:52.000 The Enz Ryans.

01:15:53.000 That's my last class.

01:15:58.000 By the way, folks at home, we can play this music on YouTube.

01:16:02.000 Not that we're on YouTube anymore.

01:16:03.000 But because it's Ryan's music.

01:16:05.000 That's right.

01:16:06.000 He made these beats.

01:16:07.000 These are my beats.

01:16:09.000 These are my boots.

01:16:10.000 I'm here with Gladys.

01:16:11.000 She is one of the models for the MAGA dress that was seen on the Grammys and the Emmys.

01:16:17.000 Is that right?

01:16:18.000 Yes.

01:16:19.000 With the Andreas Ariano.

01:16:20.000 Sorry.

01:16:21.000 And you also know Ricky Rebel, right?

01:16:23.000 Yes, Ricky Rebel, my friend.

01:16:24.000 What do you think about his appearance on the last Grammys with his red thing with the Impeached Trump on his butt cheeks?

01:16:30.000 I don't like the butt cheek.

01:16:32.000 That was too much of indecence.

01:16:33.000 I don't like the butt cheek.

01:16:34.000 That might be a video sample right there.

01:16:37.000 I don't like the butt cheeks.

01:16:38.000 Anytime their butt cheeks showed?

01:16:41.000 Cheeks?

01:16:42.000 I don't like the butt cheek.

01:16:43.000 That was too much of indecence.

01:16:46.000 We can speak, but, you know, with a little bit decent.

01:16:49.000 Much as I adore him, that was I'm not pleasure with it.

01:16:55.000 Isn't she great?

01:16:56.000 She's great.

01:16:57.000 Everybody loves Gladys.

01:16:58.000 Danny, can you do another video behind him doing the saying on?

01:17:01.000 Gladys is God.

01:17:02.000 You're going to keep talking to Gladys.

01:17:03.000 And I ask him question, and you're going to say, Gladys, yes, whatever, whatever.

01:17:07.000 But make it fake and real.

01:17:09.000 Don't move this.

01:17:10.000 Let President Trump stay.

01:17:13.000 Make it fake, but real.

01:17:15.000 Don't move.

01:17:16.000 Let the President stay.

01:17:17.000 She's got to be Brazilian, right?

01:17:19.000 Oh, good theory.

01:17:20.000 I thought it was like Eastern European or something.

01:17:23.000 No, no, no.

01:17:24.000 That's Brazil.

01:17:24.000 Huh.

01:17:26.000 President's Trumps.

01:17:29.000 Make it fake, Barrio.

01:17:31.000 Great president.

01:17:33.000 You are doing greatest things in America.

01:17:35.000 We admire you.

01:17:37.000 I have a limousine bus of yours, and we are promoting you for your second running.

01:17:45.000 We want you to make sure the impeachment doesn't bother you.

01:17:49.000 You know, it's a fake impeachment.

01:17:51.000 They're trying all they can.

01:17:52.000 It's a witch hunt.

01:17:53.000 That's all it is.

01:17:54.000 It's a fake impeachment witch hunt.

01:17:56.000 Nobody has ever been treated as unfairly as I've been treated, frankly.

01:18:00.000 but you know what?

01:18:01.000 We're going to keep winning.

01:18:02.000 A lot of big wins, frankly.

01:18:04.000 And Gladys, I appreciate you riding on the Trump train bus.

01:18:08.000 The most beautiful bus that's ever been created.

01:18:11.000 Yes, you are great.

01:18:12.000 You are the most beautiful bus.

01:18:15.000 Frankly.

01:18:17.000 President, I also slip on YouTube.

01:18:19.000 The whole thing, right?

01:18:20.000 No, just Gladys interviewing you.

01:18:24.000 Trump dog.

01:18:26.000 Benji LaVinji.

01:18:26.000 Trump?

01:18:28.000 You know, he loves you.

01:18:29.000 You said Trump.

01:18:29.000 He jumps for you.

01:18:33.000 I'm pro-Hillary.

01:18:34.000 I fucking hate Trump.

01:18:38.000 I'm Hillary all the way.

01:18:40.000 His other liberal dog friends are like, oh, shit, they're probably watching.

01:18:43.000 Guys, your owner's a Trump supporter?

01:18:46.000 I don't want to talk about it.

01:18:46.000 Yeah, it sucks.

01:18:49.000 Benji LaVinji.

01:18:50.000 No, he loves you.

01:18:51.000 He jumps for you.

01:18:52.000 You said, Trump, jump for Trump.

01:18:54.000 He jumps.

01:18:54.000 Bounce on Ford.

01:18:55.000 What do you think about that?

01:18:56.000 You know what?

01:18:56.000 We're going to start using that.

01:18:57.000 Jump for Trump.

01:18:58.000 I like that.

01:18:59.000 That's a great phrase.

01:19:00.000 Jump for Trump.

01:19:01.000 People are loving you, and all people is coming here asking me for you.

01:19:05.000 People are asking me about you.

01:19:07.000 They say, where's Gladys?

01:19:08.000 Where's Gladys?

01:19:10.000 I say, she's over here.

01:19:11.000 She's doing great.

01:19:12.000 Okay, Mr. President.

01:19:13.000 It's a great pleasure speaking with you.

01:19:15.000 It's an honor.

01:19:17.000 We're here with Mark.

01:19:18.000 What if you would use that cardboard cutout to grab her by the pussy?

01:19:20.000 And just punch the hole through it?

01:19:22.000 Like, fuck.

01:19:27.000 You are literal?

01:19:28.000 Fuck you.

01:19:30.000 I thought the whole deal when you're talking about like rich girls and who like the rich guys.

01:19:35.000 I'm not rich.

01:19:38.000 No, I meant as literally as you can imagine.

01:19:41.000 Just grab it.

01:19:42.000 Man, behind the van.

01:19:44.000 It's a bus.

01:19:45.000 And you have a great organization.

01:19:47.000 Would you like to tell people what that's about?

01:19:48.000 It's really important what you're doing.

01:19:49.000 Thank you.

01:19:50.000 My name is Mark Miller.

01:19:51.000 I'm the founder of...

01:19:57.000 Do you think I sounded like shitty?

01:19:59.000 Do you think I care?

01:20:01.000 Great organization.

01:20:02.000 Would you like to tell people what that's about?

01:20:04.000 It's really important what you're doing.

01:20:05.000 Thank you.

01:20:05.000 My name is Mark Miller.

01:20:06.000 I'm the founder of a charity that's called American Association for Lost Children.

01:20:10.000 It's one-of-a-kind charity.

01:20:12.000 We actually find and rescue missing children at no cost to the parents.

01:20:15.000 We don't charge the parents anything, and it's all through hands, grassroot operations, and we've existed over 30 years.

01:20:21.000 We've rescued approximately 140 children plus and we've been to many countries, been to Germany, South Korea, and we do it for free.

01:20:28.000 And I love it.

01:20:29.000 And so it's helping missing children.

01:20:31.000 But a lot of the children not only are missing, but they're in abusive situations.

01:20:35.000 Their names are changed, kept out of school.

01:20:36.000 Sometimes they've been sexually abused, which is horrific.

01:20:39.000 It's sick.

01:20:40.000 So we go into countries and we rescue them and come back.

01:20:44.000 And that's what we do by the grace of God.

01:20:45.000 Thank you.

01:20:48.000 Aren't most missing kids abducted by the one who lost the custody battle?

01:20:53.000 I believe 98%.

01:20:55.000 You want me to look that up?

01:20:57.000 No.

01:20:58.000 I think you're right.

01:21:00.000 But that's still a valid thing.

01:21:02.000 If some fucking Japan, I heard that Japan's really bad with this, no offense.

01:21:07.000 I don't care.

01:21:07.000 But when the Japanese mom loses, she'll just take the baby to Japan, which is illegal.

01:21:12.000 And then Japan just goes, oh, fuck it.

01:21:15.000 Gaijin.

01:21:17.000 Like, nothing wrong with that.

01:21:20.000 More babies.

01:21:23.000 You want the babies.

01:21:25.000 Something's so crazy.

01:21:29.000 Some things are so trump, you don't even need to put the name Trump on it.

01:21:34.000 That car rules.

01:21:35.000 It's fucking nuts.

01:21:37.000 It's worth about $300,000.

01:21:39.000 Really?

01:21:40.000 And it only gets 15 miles to a gallon, which isn't that bad for being that huge, I guess.

01:21:45.000 But it's a 2015.

01:21:46.000 But what's it for?

01:21:47.000 I don't know.

01:21:48.000 Towing like the biggest mobile home on earth?

01:21:51.000 Like, what was its purpose when they designed it?

01:21:53.000 The flatbread's pristine.

01:21:55.000 It's just to be an asshole.

01:21:57.000 I need to carry two sheets of sheetrock, some lumber, not that much, four bricks, and 18 friends.

01:22:07.000 a small family.

01:22:07.000 Yeah.

01:22:08.000 Yeah.

01:22:15.000 This girl loves Trump.

01:22:16.000 Yeah.

01:22:17.000 She's also not brave.

01:22:19.000 Hey, he's got my shirt on.

01:22:20.000 What?

01:22:22.000 What?

01:22:24.000 Oh, he does.

01:22:27.000 That's exciting.

01:22:31.000 Let's embrace this for you.

01:22:36.000 Great shirt.

01:22:38.000 Wonderful shirt.

01:22:40.000 Frank.

01:22:41.000 Thanks, man.

01:22:42.000 Found it.

01:22:43.000 We're shooting the thing real quick.

01:22:45.000 What are you doing?

01:22:46.000 Will, yes, sir.

01:22:48.000 Shut the fuck up.

01:22:49.000 He's shooting his closing.

01:22:52.000 That fucking guy.

01:22:53.000 Yeah, he's very funny.

01:22:55.000 Drunk.

01:22:55.000 Hey, what are you doing?

01:22:56.000 Hold on one second, sir.

01:22:57.000 Where are you going?

01:22:58.000 You got a microphone?

01:22:59.000 You're a little Chinaman.

01:23:02.000 Is it good luck to touch your hair?

01:23:04.000 You're all going to do it anyway.

01:23:05.000 Good luck.

01:23:05.000 You seem fun.

01:23:07.000 Didn't we blow you fuckers up about a half a century ago?

01:23:10.000 You look different.

01:23:14.000 I suppose he was so big he landed in the wild wood.

01:23:14.000 We blew you up.

01:23:17.000 We're shooting a thing real quick.

01:23:19.000 What are you doing?

01:23:20.000 Well, yes, sir.

01:23:23.000 Well, we're going to get harbor plans, do you?

01:23:27.000 What are you doing in April?

01:23:28.000 If we put you in internment camps, what the hell'd you get out?

01:23:32.000 He's like Pete from Old Brother Where Arthur.

01:23:35.000 He really does look like him.

01:23:37.000 Thanks, man.

01:23:38.000 Found it.

01:23:40.000 We're shooting a thing real quick.

01:23:41.000 What are you doing?

01:23:41.000 Listen.

01:23:42.000 Listen.

01:23:42.000 Well, shut up.

01:23:44.000 Yes, sir.

01:23:45.000 Well, we didn't make it in, but we had a great time with fellow Trump supporters, people that love this country.

01:23:51.000 Did we show the Donald Trump?

01:23:53.000 We showed it on the show.

01:23:54.000 So this is.

01:23:54.000 Oh, that was yesterday's show.

01:23:56.000 But I'm going to put those in if we put on YouTube or as a free speech presenter.

01:24:00.000 I think we should just do the Gale thing.

01:24:02.000 Although there was a lot of hum.

01:24:04.000 Oh, Gladys.

01:24:04.000 Gladys.

01:24:05.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:24:06.000 Yeah, I could fix the hum on that, but she wasn't pointing the microphone towards me, so I had to boost up my volume because all of it was coming from her mic.

01:24:12.000 I understand.

01:24:13.000 Yes.

01:24:14.000 Vibes out here.

01:24:16.000 Almost 0% protesters.

01:24:18.000 It's just a Trump-loving paradise.

01:24:20.000 And although it is frigid, we're staying warm with freedom and donuts.

01:24:27.000 And the paper towel surrounding the donuts.

01:24:31.000 That's also delicious.

01:24:33.000 What do you fucking chewbaca?

01:24:35.000 You just eat everything that's near your face.

01:24:37.000 Look at this freeze frame.

01:24:41.000 I think I've eaten some pepper products.

01:24:46.000 That's gross to look at.

01:24:51.000 Look at that.

01:24:51.000 You don't know how to eat.

01:24:52.000 Can I take a bite?

01:24:54.000 You don't know how to eat.

01:24:56.000 Look.

01:24:57.000 I think I intentionally did.

01:24:58.000 Eat the tissue.

01:25:00.000 Look at the finger.

01:25:01.000 The finger's in on it.

01:25:02.000 It's like, let's feed them some paper.

01:25:08.000 I'm tired.

01:25:10.000 That looks like a man who just ate paper.

01:25:12.000 Hey, I'm one of these folks who eats a paper towel.

01:25:16.000 Who eats a fucking napkin.

01:25:18.000 A serviette, as we say in Canada.

01:25:23.000 And this coffee, this is $2, but the donut was free.

01:25:28.000 One second.

01:25:32.000 Hmm?

01:25:33.000 Your donut was $3?

01:25:34.000 No, the coffee was $2.

01:25:37.000 And the donut's free?

01:25:38.000 Oh, free.

01:25:39.000 No, no, no.

01:25:45.000 freedom.

01:25:46.000 The show of the rain.

01:25:51.000 The show of the rain.

01:26:00.000 That was cool to be a part of.

01:26:02.000 It was beautiful.

01:26:03.000 With everybody standing there taking their hats off, putting their hands on the chest.

01:26:07.000 Oh, pretty awesome.

01:26:08.000 Putting their hands on their chest.

01:26:09.000 Putting their hands on my ass.

01:26:10.000 Motherfucking hands on their chest.

01:26:12.000 Oink, oink, you monsters.

01:26:16.000 Maybe we could animate her lips.

01:26:20.000 She could be a guest on the show.

01:26:22.000 And say, oink, no, you can't make a picture video.

01:26:26.000 Oink, oink, you, oh, monster.

01:26:28.000 Oh, my God.

01:26:29.000 I've been saying monsters this whole time.

01:26:30.000 No, that's just one.

01:26:31.000 Oink, oink, you monster.

01:26:33.000 I can't believe I had to say that.

01:26:33.000 Just one.

01:26:37.000 I kind of lost my temper the other day, and I got out a four by four piece of cardboard.

01:26:42.000 And with some white out, I wrote, oink, oink, you monster.

01:26:46.000 And it gets worse.

01:26:49.000 I went to a rally and I fucking held that up by my face.

01:26:53.000 I want our kids to see that.

01:26:55.000 Mom was an activist.

01:26:57.000 No, she wasn't.

01:26:59.000 No, she was.

01:27:00.000 She protested police brutality and stopped police killing black people.

01:27:05.000 No.

01:27:06.000 You got the last three letters right and the first one?

01:27:08.000 None of that at all.

01:27:09.000 She was a fucking idiot.

01:27:11.000 No, she wasn't.

01:27:13.000 Oh, really?

01:27:15.000 What's this picture?

01:27:18.000 That's some idiot holding up a piece of cardboard with white out on it that says, oink, oink, you monster.

01:27:24.000 That's your mom.

01:27:26.000 That's your activist.

01:27:28.000 Saving the day.

01:27:30.000 Sticking it to the pigs.

01:27:33.000 That is embarrassing.

01:27:35.000 Your mom was a fucking retard loser crybaby with a wart on her eye.

01:27:40.000 Oh, wow.

01:27:41.000 Never saw that.

01:27:43.000 Wow.

01:27:45.000 She's been crying so much, you got a goddamn Himalayan sea salt.

01:27:48.000 And then she's like, my mom still has a wart on her eye, but she's not a fucking crybaby anymore.

01:27:55.000 Let's see here.

01:27:56.000 I was doing imitations of people crying today at the Duck Inn, and I think I was doing it so well that people thought I was crying.

01:28:04.000 Sometimes you can be too good at your jokes.

01:28:07.000 Yeah, people don't.

01:28:08.000 Because I was like, I said, I don't even want to be here anymore.

01:28:12.000 And with like blue-collar types, if you do crying too well, they're like, this sounds like a drama club fag.

01:28:21.000 Like, this is a typical joke at dive bars.

01:28:24.000 So this guy, he wants to go fishing.

01:28:27.000 And he says to his wife, hey, we're going to go fishing.

01:28:30.000 I set it up for Saturday.

01:28:32.000 And she goes, I don't want to go fishing.

01:28:35.000 He goes, what the fuck?

01:28:36.000 I got the dog coming.

01:28:38.000 I got everything booked.

01:28:38.000 I got you.

01:28:39.000 I got the boat all set up.

01:28:41.000 What are you crazy?

01:28:42.000 She goes, I'll do anything not to go fishing.

01:28:44.000 I don't want to go fucking fishing.

01:28:46.000 What the?

01:28:47.000 Here's the deal, bitch.

01:28:49.000 You either come fishing with me or I get a blowjob or I fuck you in the ass.

01:28:54.000 And she goes, let's do a blowjob.

01:28:59.000 All right, fine.

01:28:59.000 I guess I'll just go fucking.

01:29:02.000 So she goes down there.

01:29:03.000 She starts sucking him off.

01:29:05.000 And then she goes, what the fuck's the matter with your dick?

01:29:09.000 It tastes like shit or something.

01:29:10.000 I can taste shit on your dick.

01:29:12.000 And he goes, yeah, the dog didn't want to go either.

01:29:15.000 Yeah.

01:29:15.000 I know Alta's that one that's way worse.

01:29:18.000 Oh my.

01:29:19.000 I got a Mike Tyson.

01:29:20.000 So when I'm sitting there doing drama club crying, they're like, why are you doing like fag characters?

01:29:26.000 Yeah.

01:29:27.000 Just have a beginning, middle, and end with a punchline.

01:29:29.000 Oh, so even if they know your fate crying?

01:29:31.000 I don't know.

01:29:32.000 It's hard to explain.

01:29:33.000 You know, that's...

01:29:38.000 Not even in my bed with my wife.

01:29:41.000 Even then, she's like, okay, I guess we should set this, do this.

01:29:46.000 Let's go for it.

01:29:52.000 Why are you playing the mailbag?

01:29:53.000 We're going to calls.

01:29:54.000 I don't know.

01:29:55.000 I'm just swiping around.

01:29:57.000 Just swiping around.

01:29:58.000 Looking busy.

01:29:59.000 Experience Asian flush, having trouble breaking down Trump's Chardonnay.

01:30:02.000 That is true.

01:30:04.000 So we got Brett on the line.

01:30:05.000 When you Asians hear us Scottish people drink, are you jealous of how we get better?

01:30:10.000 We're too drunk to notice the difference.

01:30:14.000 Hey, Brett, just calling, he says.

01:30:17.000 What's up, Brett?

01:30:20.000 Brett, don't make me look like an asshole.

01:30:24.000 Fuck you, Brett.

01:30:25.000 Hey, Brett, eat shit.

01:30:28.000 And your mother.

01:30:29.000 Yeah.

01:30:29.000 Tomadre is a puta.

01:30:32.000 Somebody's calling about call girls.

01:30:34.000 Okay.

01:30:36.000 Yo, what's up, guys?

01:30:39.000 I got my fraternity at my university on the line watching the show.

01:30:44.000 There's sort of torn between a dilemma that's been going on.

01:30:48.000 So basically, I had sex with a girl who was 6'5, and I'm about like 6'1 or 6' and they're all calling me like pussies because she was taller than me.

01:31:01.000 She's only like the volleyball team and shit.

01:31:04.000 They're all calling me, like, half the fraternities call me like a pussy and shit.

01:31:07.000 And, like, the other half is saying, like, that's quite an accomplishment, like climbing Mount Everest or something.

01:31:12.000 Yeah, I don't get the pussy part.

01:31:14.000 Why are you a pussy if you fuck a beast?

01:31:17.000 I mean, like, I don't know, man.

01:31:20.000 It's just like, it's like she's kind of the big spoon in the situation.

01:31:24.000 Like, you know what I mean?

01:31:25.000 We're like, she fucked the shit out of me.

01:31:26.000 Like, I didn't fuck the shit out of her because she's taller than me.

01:31:30.000 I just wanted to get some clarity from the God King himself.

01:31:34.000 So you looked down and there was Albino Kobe Bryant's feet sticking out of the bottom of the bed.

01:31:43.000 Yeah, essentially, dude.

01:31:44.000 It was like having sex with a fucking science classroom skeleton or some shit.

01:31:50.000 Yeah, that's awesome.

01:31:53.000 You're a real man.

01:31:54.000 You climbed the mountain.

01:31:57.000 I've fucked a lot of petite girls, and yeah, it's fun, whatever.

01:32:00.000 You can toss them around like a little sandbag.

01:32:02.000 But a real man wants a woman.

01:32:06.000 Yeah, it's something sexy like a fucking smurf.

01:32:09.000 Like, I wanted something, I wanted to Mount Everest.

01:32:11.000 You know what I mean?

01:32:12.000 Like, I wanted a challenge.

01:32:15.000 Yeah, you're awesome, dude.

01:32:16.000 And by the way, when we see these guys with these little shrimpy girls, we go, you're a pussy.

01:32:22.000 Like at the award show, we see Kevin James with his little tiny Asian wife, and you go, ah, you pussied out.

01:32:28.000 Like, when you see a man with a woman roughly his height, you go, oh, you got some fucking balls, dude.

01:32:34.000 We're very proud of you here at the show.

01:32:37.000 All right.

01:32:37.000 Thanks for watching.

01:32:38.000 Peace.

01:32:39.000 Peace.

01:32:40.000 Pussy?

01:32:41.000 That's weird.

01:32:43.000 Hey, I fucked a chick who's super tall.

01:32:45.000 You pussy.

01:32:46.000 Do you ever see that?

01:32:47.000 Hey, I climbed Mount Everest.

01:32:49.000 Fucking Mount Everest is for fags.

01:32:51.000 You see that tall person show?

01:32:53.000 There's a show about like my giant life.

01:32:56.000 And there's this tall girl, and she gets asked a prom by like the douchiest little Italian guy.

01:33:00.000 He's like, hey, everybody, I want to make an announcement.

01:33:02.000 I'm going to take, you see this monster over here?

01:33:04.000 I'm going to take it.

01:33:05.000 I'll fucking take it.

01:33:06.000 I got to say, I feel really sorry for tall people, even if they're in the NBA.

01:33:12.000 The way you see them in chairs and stuff.

01:33:14.000 Like those seven-foot tall people and crawling into rooms.

01:33:18.000 And here's the other thing that breaks my heart about the tall.

01:33:21.000 I fucking hate how everyone asks them if they play basketball.

01:33:27.000 How tall are you?

01:33:28.000 Do you play basketball?

01:33:29.000 Like people who are 6'5 have to say 6'5 900 times a day.

01:33:35.000 And it's like going up to a black person and going, so what do you, you don't get sunburnt?

01:33:40.000 And what, what, no, your hair is so curly, it's like pubes.

01:33:43.000 Yeah.

01:33:44.000 Is that like, is that springy?

01:33:46.000 What's that like?

01:33:47.000 I hear you guys have big dicks.

01:33:49.000 How long is your penis?

01:33:50.000 Can I break out a meter stick?

01:33:52.000 Hey, first observation I have when thinking, when seeing you.

01:33:55.000 Hey, most derivative thought that just popped into my head that you've had.

01:33:59.000 That's like coming up with Brad Pitt.

01:34:01.000 So you're like famous, right?

01:34:02.000 You fucked a lot of chicks?

01:34:05.000 Hey, Superman.

01:34:06.000 So you fly around in the sky?

01:34:08.000 That's a trip.

01:34:10.000 You could like punch through a car?

01:34:12.000 That's cool.

01:34:14.000 Hey, can you just grab a woman by your pussy?

01:34:17.000 You know what they the question they probably hate the most?

01:34:20.000 Just do anything?

01:34:23.000 Tall people are the only minority that you're allowed to say whatever the fuck you want to at any time of day.

01:34:31.000 Yes, he's 6'7.

01:34:33.000 Yes, he's very tall.

01:34:34.000 Yes, he played basketball.

01:34:36.000 When did you stop asking tall people if they play basketball?

01:34:39.000 Because I know you're guilty of that.

01:34:41.000 No, I'm not.

01:34:42.000 You never did that?

01:34:43.000 No.

01:34:43.000 Oh.

01:34:43.000 I'm perfect.

01:34:45.000 Let's give Brett another try.

01:34:45.000 Okay.

01:34:48.000 Hello?

01:34:48.000 Brett.

01:34:49.000 You fucked up this guy.

01:34:51.000 Redeem yourself.

01:34:52.000 Yeah, you know.

01:34:53.000 I was on hold, so I went up to chooch a cigarette, and now I'm back.

01:34:57.000 You better recognize.

01:35:00.000 I wanted to say, though, Ryan, at the beginning of the show, like always, you pissed me off, but you made up for it because you're pretty funny when you're eating a napkin instead of a donut.

01:35:08.000 So that made up for all.

01:35:11.000 And I just wanted to say you guys should check out, I'm from the Hammer here in Ontario.

01:35:18.000 Hold on.

01:35:18.000 When you're from the Hammer in Ontario, there's no need to say where you're from.

01:35:23.000 That's like a guy going, what's up, y'all?

01:35:26.000 Believe it or not, I'm from the South.

01:35:32.000 So I just went out for a fucking dirt because I was on hold.

01:35:35.000 But anywho, shoots a second.

01:35:37.000 I'm from the fucking hammer there up in Ontario, fucking getting laid and fucking carrying a twofold under my arm.

01:35:46.000 Yeah, man, smoke cigarettes.

01:35:50.000 You guys got to check out onepuglife.com.

01:35:53.000 He's on YouTube, but he's very familiar with Pug Life.

01:35:57.000 Thank you for your call.

01:35:58.000 Thank you for telling us about things we've seen 8 billion times.

01:36:02.000 What is with these people who young people telling us about shit that we've seen?

01:36:09.000 I had Pug Life on my fucking last show.

01:36:12.000 Oh, wow.

01:36:14.000 Hold him up.

01:36:14.000 Yeah.

01:36:15.000 Fuck.

01:36:17.000 Anyway, maybe you should show it to people who don't know.

01:36:20.000 He's a super duper hoser.

01:36:23.000 Caller, you're on mute for a second.

01:36:26.000 Ontario redneck.

01:36:28.000 Our rednecks in Canada are called hosers.

01:36:30.000 And Hammer for everybody.

01:36:31.000 And this guy, Pug Life, jumps like rascals over Evil Knievel type jumps, which never goes well for anyone involved.

01:36:41.000 And for those who don't know, I do, of course.

01:36:43.000 Hammer is short for Hamilton.

01:36:46.000 Ontario.

01:36:47.000 Yes.

01:36:48.000 I didn't know that before.

01:36:50.000 Just go by views.

01:36:52.000 That's kind of a general tip.

01:36:55.000 Short by today.

01:37:00.000 We're all waiting.

01:37:01.000 Someone's on hold.

01:37:02.000 What to do when the cops...

01:37:07.000 You want to see the jumps.

01:37:07.000 Go back.

01:37:08.000 He does jumps.

01:37:10.000 So go to the second bit.

01:37:11.000 Wait, stop.

01:37:12.000 Go back to where you were, backspace, and then find the second biggest one.

01:37:16.000 Is it a jump?

01:37:17.000 It's not a jump.

01:37:18.000 Let me see.

01:37:20.000 More cops.

01:37:22.000 Hey, you want to see the bloody guy right above me?

01:37:24.000 Oh, shit.

01:37:26.000 I think that's the one where his wife was there.

01:37:31.000 I love it when they pass out and they put a pillow under your head.

01:37:35.000 Yeah, I have a concussion from doing a jump.

01:37:38.000 If there's one thing I need, it's a pillow under my head.

01:37:41.000 The only time you need a pillow under your head is when you're having a perfectly normal sleep in your bedroom.

01:37:47.000 My patented medical fill from Milwaukee.

01:37:51.000 I was a mess head.

01:37:52.000 It's from Minashoda.

01:37:54.000 From Minas Shoda.

01:37:56.000 I can't believe that.

01:37:56.000 Yeah.

01:37:59.000 See, it's funny when you do an imitation, I interrupt you and then do a shittier version.

01:38:07.000 How about this?

01:38:09.000 Okay, maybe jump ahead a bit.

01:38:11.000 It kind of reminds me of a guitar lesson.

01:38:13.000 This is all liquid hoser courage.

01:38:15.000 Oh, yeah, this is a really good one.

01:38:17.000 I remember this.

01:38:20.000 He's drunk as fuck.

01:38:23.000 Drunk as fuck.

01:38:24.000 Fucking cork it!

01:38:26.000 Cork it, fuck!

01:38:27.000 Cork it!

01:38:29.000 Oh shit!

01:38:31.000 I think drunk people pass out, I mean, get knocked out much easier than sober people.

01:38:36.000 Does he do a jump where he just wipes it?

01:38:38.000 Do you think it's a self-defense mechanism?

01:38:40.000 Give her shit!

01:38:42.000 Give her shit!

01:38:43.000 Fuck, give her!

01:38:44.000 Come on, fuck!

01:38:46.000 Better, bud!

01:38:47.000 Give her, bud!

01:38:48.000 This makes me homesick.

01:38:50.000 This is making me so homesick, I'm gonna faint.

01:38:52.000 I'm gonna get knocked out from home.

01:38:55.000 Oh, ouchie.

01:38:55.000 There we go.

01:38:57.000 No, fuck!

01:38:58.000 No!

01:39:00.000 He needs help right now!

01:39:03.000 He's fucking sleeping!

01:39:06.000 Oh, fuck!

01:39:08.000 Taking a dirt nap!

01:39:09.000 Oh, fuck!

01:39:11.000 He's not!

01:39:13.000 Holy fuck!

01:39:15.000 Oh, Polyester!

01:39:16.000 Get him over!

01:39:17.000 His name's Paul.

01:39:18.000 They call him Polyester.

01:39:20.000 Oh, fuck.

01:39:20.000 He's all sleeping.

01:39:21.000 He needs a fucking pillow real bad.

01:39:23.000 Oh, shit.

01:39:27.000 What are they putting his finger in his mouth?

01:39:30.000 How did that happen?

01:39:32.000 What do you mean?

01:39:33.000 Yeah, but like, what caused that damage?

01:39:36.000 He was going way too fast.

01:39:38.000 Oh, shit.

01:39:40.000 This isn't good.

01:39:42.000 Love how the grass blade is gagging him.

01:39:46.000 A little grass cock.

01:39:48.000 A little ant flies in his mouth.

01:39:49.000 Walks in there.

01:39:52.000 Oh, fuck.

01:39:53.000 This is the shit that laughs are made of.

01:39:55.000 What do women do when they're bored?

01:39:56.000 Well, redneck women, Hozer women are all nurses.

01:40:01.000 So she knows exactly what they're doing.

01:40:03.000 They're all obese nurses.

01:40:05.000 So they, like, make sure you don't gag on your barf.

01:40:08.000 They pet you.

01:40:09.000 Yeah, because the problem with concussion is brain swelling, so there's nothing they're going to do about that there, right?

01:40:13.000 Unless you want to get into trepanning.

01:40:15.000 You know what's a weird thought?

01:40:16.000 Like, let's say that guy has, like, that nurse woman has a boyfriend, and she's getting jealous because he's petting.

01:40:24.000 She's petting his friend's head.

01:40:25.000 What do you think?

01:40:26.000 You mean he's getting jealous?

01:40:27.000 There, Asian flesh.

01:40:28.000 His friend's family.

01:40:33.000 Next caller.

01:40:34.000 When my joke bombs, I end the videos too.

01:40:38.000 She won't go by the rule, Gavin.

01:40:40.000 Hello.

01:40:41.000 Hello.

01:40:41.000 Hey.

01:40:42.000 Hey, Gavin.

01:40:44.000 Regular caller.

01:40:45.000 Hey, got a wife, 30 years.

01:40:49.000 Kids are out on their own now, out of college.

01:40:53.000 She won't go by the rule that we kind of came up or you kind of came up with was take your clothes off at the door and walk around the house naked.

01:41:03.000 Could you look at Wendy?

01:41:04.000 She's watching tonight.

01:41:06.000 And explain to her the reason why that that is a good rule to go by.

01:41:14.000 Wendy, I like you more than a friend.

01:41:16.000 Your husband is wrong.

01:41:17.000 That's not a good rule to go by.

01:41:19.000 You had kids.

01:41:20.000 You're not bananas about your body.

01:41:22.000 I suggested that rule pre-kids.

01:41:26.000 That's for when you're in your 20s and your girl's at her body peak.

01:41:31.000 I've always said, guys who just start dating someone, there should be a bucket by the door, maybe a recycling thing in case she has a lot of shit with her jacket and stuff.

01:41:39.000 And everything goes in there and she's just nude in the house.

01:41:42.000 Now that your wife has had some kids, she shouldn't have to be nude.

01:41:46.000 They don't like their little baby gunt, whatever.

01:41:50.000 But one rule I think you should institute is hump day.

01:41:56.000 I'll leave you alone.

01:41:58.000 I won't be begging for sex throughout the week, but I do get sex every Wednesday.

01:42:02.000 Every hump day, I get to hump you.

01:42:05.000 And now, if she's drunk or feeling frisky, you get extra, but you have a baseline of 52 times a year, which actually ends up being about 70 times a year when you add in the few times during the week that she's horny.

01:42:21.000 So it'll help you leave her alone.

01:42:24.000 She can like walk around and not worry about getting fucking butt humped when she's doing laundry.

01:42:31.000 And it's a great rule.

01:42:32.000 The naked in the house is not a good rule.

01:42:35.000 Thank you for calling.

01:42:36.000 It's not a good rule for someone who's our age and has kids.

01:42:41.000 And 30 years married?

01:42:43.000 Jesus Christ, dude.

01:42:44.000 She must be 55.

01:42:47.000 You can't expect her to want to be dancing around nude.

01:42:50.000 I get your mentality, though.

01:42:52.000 Like, if my wife put on 50 pounds, I wouldn't give a shit.

01:42:56.000 But I can see how the woman would give a shit.

01:42:59.000 So.

01:43:01.000 Caller just says, when will they learn?

01:43:06.000 Yeah, I totally messed up on the description there.

01:43:10.000 My name's Mike.

01:43:11.000 Hello.

01:43:12.000 Hello, Mike.

01:43:16.000 So I want to mention something funny from earlier on the show that none of you probably saw.

01:43:25.000 Me and my girlfriend, we noticed that Gavin picked his nose and then twirled his mustache at the same time.

01:43:38.000 I thought that was pretty funny.

01:43:40.000 Yeah.

01:43:42.000 I mean, look at him.

01:43:43.000 I thought it was funny.

01:43:44.000 We were laughing about it.

01:43:45.000 Well, thank you for noticing and thank you for your call.

01:43:49.000 It was great having some input here.

01:43:52.000 My nose isn't particularly boogery, though, especially at this time of day.

01:43:55.000 It's just like when I'm usually itching it.

01:43:58.000 And my problem with my mustache is I want to keep it symmetrical.

01:44:01.000 And when I look at it on the monitor, this always seems to be up, whereas this doesn't.

01:44:06.000 And I think it might just actually the lighting.

01:44:10.000 But I don't really have a problem with rubbing boogers into your nose into your mustache.

01:44:14.000 I will say though, I've talked to some doctors about this.

01:44:14.000 Sorry.

01:44:17.000 People who don't drink coffee tend to get staph infections.

01:44:21.000 What?

01:44:23.000 And it's because when you drink coffee, you have this hot acidic caffeine and you go like this.

01:44:32.000 And the hot acidic caffeine goes up your nose where a lot of bacteria is.

01:44:38.000 And it fries it and you tend to have a better immune system.

01:44:41.000 So in that sense, he's right.

01:44:43.000 I shouldn't be rubbing any kind of slime into my mustache.

01:44:48.000 But it's not particularly slimy.

01:44:49.000 Slime.

01:44:50.000 But good observation.

01:44:52.000 And thanks for tuning in.

01:44:53.000 And I think we both, I could speak for you when I say that we both like when people watch instead of just listen.

01:45:00.000 What if this was my face?

01:45:02.000 Would I have the same career?

01:45:05.000 Hi, I want to talk about Trump.

01:45:06.000 I think he's going to win in a landslide.

01:45:09.000 You know why it's great?

01:45:10.000 John Lott has strange eyebrows.

01:45:12.000 I think he had a tumor here.

01:45:14.000 So he has got these arcing eyebrows.

01:45:18.000 Obviously, I don't give a fuck.

01:45:19.000 I'm not a fag.

01:45:20.000 But I think it's affected his ability to do television.

01:45:26.000 I never noticed that.

01:45:27.000 Thanks a lot.

01:45:28.000 It's marred his career.

01:45:29.000 Oh, shit.

01:45:30.000 It looks like a Cesar cyborg, like one of the best AIs ever.

01:45:34.000 Yeah.

01:45:34.000 I think what he has is a serious scar above his eyebrow.

01:45:38.000 So your eye is drawn to the scar first.

01:45:40.000 So it looks...

01:45:44.000 So people with scars on their heads cannot deliver incredibly important information about gun crime.

01:45:53.000 You're not a queer thing.

01:45:55.000 I want Britney Spears to talk about gun crime.

01:45:57.000 That's where we're at in America today.

01:45:59.000 We're like, what does Alicia Keys have to say about it?

01:46:01.000 I don't care about the fucking scientist who spent a billion hours researching the topic.

01:46:08.000 No, thank you.

01:46:10.000 What does Gigi Hadid have to say about gun violence?

01:46:14.000 If he's got a Glock, he's kind of like, it's going to be quiet.

01:46:19.000 We have Acadia Trump Rally.

01:46:23.000 Hi, guys.

01:46:24.000 Hi.

01:46:25.000 What's up?

01:46:26.000 So first off, I just want to point out that you said folks twice after not making fun of, like when you're not making fun of the person that was in the interview during Rock Nonetheless.

01:46:37.000 Wait, wait, wait, stop.

01:46:38.000 Stop.

01:46:39.000 Who did?

01:46:39.000 Me or Ryan?

01:46:41.000 You.

01:46:42.000 You did.

01:46:43.000 You did.

01:46:43.000 I used the word folks in a normal way without being sarcastic.

01:46:48.000 Yep, you said folks at home.

01:46:51.000 Yeah, you did.

01:46:52.000 Fuck.

01:46:53.000 Got him.

01:46:53.000 Anyways.

01:46:54.000 It is a disaster.

01:46:55.000 You've probably already seen it, and I don't want to say this because I know you hate it, but there's a video where there's like a French reporter asking Trump how he decreased.

01:47:03.000 Yeah, he asked him how he decreased the unemployment rate so much, and he goes, maybe we just have a better president than you.

01:47:10.000 And it's fucking awesome.

01:47:12.000 That's great.

01:47:14.000 You have a lot of female friends in New Hampshire, and I just am really excited to go to the Trump rally that's on February 10th.

01:47:20.000 That's all I want to say.

01:47:22.000 You know, I was just up there, and one thing I noticed about the North Northeast, I don't hate the liberals up there.

01:47:29.000 He said that to me, too.

01:47:30.000 You know, you said that to my boyfriend when he called in, and I got to tell you, they still suck.

01:47:35.000 They're just like, guns.

01:47:39.000 Those are libertarians, not liberals.

01:47:41.000 I got to tell you.

01:47:43.000 And I see American flags all over that fucking state.

01:47:48.000 That's because it's New Hampshire.

01:47:49.000 You know, live free or die is our motto.

01:47:52.000 So we love our cops.

01:47:53.000 We love our state troopers because they're awesome.

01:47:56.000 But don't give them a lot of money.

01:47:59.000 All right.

01:47:59.000 Thanks for calling.

01:48:00.000 I like you more than a friend.

01:48:01.000 I sort of feel like, you know how I said once that there's, you got to be, choose cops or fire department, just like you ought to choose Army or Navy?

01:48:10.000 I think now in New York, because there's a huge feud with state troopers and MYPD, I think you got to choose MIPD or state troopers.

01:48:17.000 And I'm an MYPD nigga.

01:48:19.000 What's the difference, you think?

01:48:21.000 Are you going to make a montage of me saying that N-word?

01:48:24.000 Well, that's with a soft A. Nobody cares.

01:48:28.000 I was talking to a state trooper the other night, and he's like, I go, you hate cops, right?

01:48:32.000 And he goes, fucking cops.

01:48:34.000 They think they can speed down the high.

01:48:37.000 We were wasted.

01:48:38.000 They think they can speed down the highway.

01:48:40.000 I fucking, I give them tickets.

01:48:43.000 I mean, I'm not.

01:48:43.000 Not that much.

01:48:45.000 And I go, you do or you don't?

01:48:46.000 I don't, I guess I don't.

01:48:47.000 But I pull them over.

01:48:49.000 And I go, why don't you give them tickets?

01:48:50.000 Because I don't want to be speeding in the city and get fucked by them.

01:48:54.000 And I go, you can't speed in the city.

01:48:56.000 If you're going 20 miles an hour in New York City, your hair falls out.

01:49:00.000 You can't believe it.

01:49:01.000 You're fucking Mario Andretty.

01:49:02.000 And you're speeding up to a red light anyway.

01:49:04.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:49:05.000 It's going to last for seconds.

01:49:06.000 That's why it's okay to drunk drive because you could fucking hit a baby.

01:49:10.000 Right.

01:49:12.000 Full throttle.

01:49:13.000 Watch where the fuck you're going.

01:49:14.000 What the fuck?

01:49:17.000 Are you drunk or something?

01:49:19.000 All babies are Chinese.

01:49:24.000 I want to make that crystal clear, especially my babies.

01:49:28.000 They all come out like, we had a Chinese delivery guy nine months before I came out.

01:49:36.000 But I'm talking to him and I'm thinking, your entire career is predicated on the assumption that speed limits are good.

01:49:45.000 They don't seem to be good in Germany and the Autobahn.

01:49:50.000 I don't think we need you, dude.

01:49:52.000 When people are going 100, they go, fuck, this is kind of crazy.

01:49:54.000 I got to slow down.

01:49:55.000 I'm going to die.

01:49:56.000 There's self-preservation.

01:49:58.000 So, you know, getting someone going 70 into 55, good, you really saved a life there, dude.

01:50:06.000 They probably make the argument that they catch like trafficking and stuff like that.

01:50:10.000 Trafficking what?

01:50:11.000 Drug trafficking.

01:50:14.000 That's the biggest spit tick I had since your jean jacket.

01:50:18.000 Here we go.

01:50:18.000 Holy shit, did I laugh.

01:50:20.000 Thank you, by the way.

01:50:21.000 You're in my good books today.

01:50:22.000 A, you did a great job in Wildwood.

01:50:24.000 And B, that jean jacket was the hardest I've laughed in one year.

01:50:24.000 Thanks.

01:50:31.000 And as far as spit takes go, it may be my only authentic spit take ever in my life.

01:50:37.000 Like, as it came flying in my mouth, I went, wow, that's a lot of stuff.

01:50:42.000 It was like the fucking little white pocket on your Carhartt t-shirt, too.

01:50:46.000 Like, how much did that t-shirt cost you?

01:50:48.000 It was a $20 shirt.

01:50:49.000 $20 moisture working.

01:50:51.000 He has a $20 t-shirt.

01:50:53.000 Moisture working, yeah.

01:50:54.000 The whole point of t-shirts is that they're four bucks.

01:50:56.000 Never get shirts at Zoomies.

01:50:59.000 Zoomies.

01:51:00.000 But yeah, that wasn't even...

01:51:02.000 Fuck.

01:51:04.000 It wasn't even like...

01:51:05.000 It was just real spit from your actual mouth.

01:51:08.000 A genuine spit.

01:51:09.000 Yes, it was at 2 p.m. today.

01:51:11.000 Yes.

01:51:12.000 Whereas Larry Barnes would say, that was at 2 p.m., January 30th, 2020.

01:51:20.000 You adult.

01:51:21.000 Your Harvascope that day was going to be a bright day.

01:51:27.000 He has a southern accent.

01:51:28.000 He sounds like a southern black.

01:51:31.000 It's just a black scent.

01:51:32.000 We got Mike talking about you, mom.

01:51:36.000 That's right.

01:51:37.000 Hey, Joe's, what's up?

01:51:38.000 Hey, man.

01:51:39.000 It's supposed to say oink, oink, you, monster.

01:51:42.000 Oink, oink, you, monster.

01:51:44.000 It says Mike Blinky Mom.

01:51:45.000 Yeah, I think what's actually going on there is that Wildebeest holding the Oink Oink You Monster sign was actually holding the cardboard sign that a homeless dude left on a pillow after a one-night stand.

01:51:54.000 That's a good theory.

01:51:58.000 And she's mad about it.

01:51:59.000 She's trying to find him again.

01:52:00.000 It's like a lost connection.

01:52:01.000 Find your sign.

01:52:02.000 That's right.

01:52:03.000 You know, I was calling about it.

01:52:05.000 I don't know if you guys knew this.

01:52:06.000 Probably do.

01:52:06.000 It's probably old news.

01:52:07.000 But I just recently found out that our seven-foot mayor actually legally changed his name three times.

01:52:14.000 Oh, I didn't know three times.

01:52:16.000 I knew he didn't like his stepdad, so he changed his name back to his birth name or some shit.

01:52:22.000 Or he didn't like his birth dad, so he changed his name to his stepdad.

01:52:26.000 Yeah, you know, it's only a seven-foot leftist mayor of New York City could marry a would-be lesbian who refuses to take his last name to run New York City.

01:52:36.000 Trillian McRae, yeah.

01:52:37.000 How ugly is she?

01:52:40.000 And also, last point here is, I think that clip that you showed earlier this week of the crackhead shitting on the car's roof really was a great metaphor for what de Blasio is doing to the city.

01:52:48.000 Yeah, it totally is.

01:52:50.000 You know what I've noticed?

01:52:51.000 They're so comfortable now, the homeless.

01:52:54.000 Like, you're on their turf now.

01:52:56.000 I get the same feeling in Philadelphia, and I get the same feeling in San Francisco.

01:53:01.000 I actually get it in a lot of DC where I feel sort of I'm impinging on their living room.

01:53:11.000 So you almost want to diptoe around their little fucking cardboard furniture and go, oh, excuse me.

01:53:15.000 Sorry.

01:53:16.000 Sorry.

01:53:16.000 Oops.

01:53:16.000 Whoa, whoa, whoa.

01:53:18.000 I live in Brooklyn.

01:53:19.000 I've been jogging around the neighborhood, and I can't tell you how many dicks I've seen of all these dudes pissing all over the place.

01:53:24.000 Not a crime.

01:53:25.000 Of course not.

01:53:27.000 Where in Brooklyn are you?

01:53:28.000 See, I have a question for you, Gavin.

01:53:29.000 What?

01:53:30.000 I'm in Gravesend.

01:53:31.000 Gravesend.

01:53:31.000 What?

01:53:33.000 Gravesend.

01:53:35.000 Well, that's way out.

01:53:36.000 Yeah, it's down there.

01:53:38.000 Are you a-I had a quick question for you.

01:53:40.000 Sorry, go ahead.

01:53:41.000 Are you a born and raised Brookliner?

01:53:42.000 No, I'm actually moved down from upstate New York.

01:53:46.000 What the fuck are you doing way out in Gravesend?

01:53:48.000 That's just where I ended up getting married and living now.

01:53:53.000 Huh.

01:53:54.000 Okay.

01:53:55.000 A question related to music for you, Gavin.

01:53:57.000 I'm sure you've probably answered this a million times, so I don't know if I've ever heard the answer.

01:54:01.000 If you only had to listen to five bands for the rest of your life, what would the bands be?

01:54:05.000 Five bands?

01:54:06.000 Yeah.

01:54:08.000 If you could pick five of your favorite bands that you could only listen to for the rest of your life, what would they be?

01:54:11.000 Okay.

01:54:12.000 Well, thank you for calling.

01:54:13.000 We're going to-Thanks, guys.

01:54:15.000 Hang up on you and work that out.

01:54:17.000 Obviously, with a question like this, you have to look at the repertoire.

01:54:23.000 For example, I'm a huge fan of Jerry Cinnamon, but that's only like five songs.

01:54:30.000 You don't know this whole catalog enough to be stuck.

01:54:32.000 The Rolling Stones you choose, and you have their hits, but I even love their early shit when they were doing covers, like the early singles.

01:54:32.000 Yeah.

01:54:43.000 Come on, since my baby let me come on.

01:54:46.000 She don't mean maybe, because I belong to you, and you belong to me.

01:54:50.000 I come-Or congratulations.

01:54:52.000 The congratulations.

01:54:59.000 I know you're shocked at how perfect that is.

01:55:01.000 I thought we were listening to it.

01:55:03.000 No.

01:55:03.000 I was doing it with my mouth.

01:55:04.000 Eh.

01:55:06.000 It's a funny bit, but I don't believe you.

01:55:08.000 Ryan, I'm not lying, and the folks at home can see.

01:55:11.000 I was singing into a microphone the song-Play that.

01:55:14.000 Congratulations.

01:55:15.000 No, play Come On by the Rolling Stones.

01:55:21.000 It's such a great jam.

01:55:22.000 Congrats.

01:55:23.000 It's called Early Singles Collection.

01:55:25.000 No, not Congratulations.

01:55:26.000 Come on.

01:55:27.000 This is Come On.

01:55:28.000 Oh.

01:55:35.000 Can't get my car started.

01:55:37.000 I wish someone would come along and run into it.

01:55:42.000 Since me, my baby parted.

01:55:42.000 Wreck it.

01:55:45.000 Come on.

01:55:45.000 Does it cover?

01:55:46.000 Yeah.

01:55:47.000 I can't get started.

01:55:48.000 Come on.

01:55:49.000 I can't afford to check.

01:55:50.000 I wish somebody come along.

01:55:52.000 Which is covering, like, the blues.

01:55:54.000 Anyway, so I'm going to go with Rolling Stones, Crass.

01:55:57.000 You probably want some, like, soul music.

01:56:01.000 You know what?

01:56:02.000 I'm going to throw in, I don't even like him that much, but Bon Iver.

01:56:06.000 Just because, like, you're going to want a break.

01:56:08.000 You don't want to chill.

01:56:09.000 When you catch a fish, you're going to eat it.

01:56:11.000 You probably want something black.

01:56:12.000 Like, uh.

01:56:15.000 What's a black thing you'd want?

01:56:18.000 No, no, no.

01:56:18.000 You know what?

01:56:18.000 I'll.

01:56:19.000 Don't know much about Sam Cooke.

01:56:21.000 Whew.

01:56:23.000 This is a tough question.

01:56:26.000 three this is that clip by the way four choices you have very low you know what i'm gonna put the english bead in there because i get plenty of black out of the english bead you have very low unemployment rate in the u.s and we have a very high unemployment rate in france how come what's the recipe for well maybe we have a better president than you do isn't this he's so bad and then the media will take that and

01:56:55.000 go donald trump can't wait to tell france that he's better than their president uh-huh now he's riffing yeah it's like they they've had their riff gland removed um poor bastards uh okay i feel bad because i'm killing who's girdu oh i'm gonna have to kill bonny Bear.

01:57:24.000 Sorry, dude.

01:57:27.000 I just know that you make soft music that my wife likes.

01:57:30.000 I'm going to go with my five bands to Die 2, Rolling Stones, 1.

01:57:37.000 2, Crass.

01:57:38.000 3, Hooskerdoo.

01:57:40.000 4, The English Beat.

01:57:42.000 5, The Replacements.

01:57:44.000 Thank you very much.

01:57:45.000 Replacements are pretty great.

01:57:46.000 You'll note everyone here grew up in cold weather.

01:57:52.000 I'm not sure what that means.

01:57:53.000 We got about 10, 12 callers, something like that.

01:57:57.000 You want me to read some off?

01:57:59.000 You don't need to do the reading.

01:58:00.000 They're always wrong.

01:58:01.000 Just answer the call.

01:58:03.000 Some of them are pretty, like, female ejaculation, super bad.

01:58:05.000 I don't care.

01:58:06.000 Just click on the call.

01:58:07.000 Just from now on, click on the call.

01:58:09.000 Hey, call.

01:58:09.000 All right.

01:58:11.000 Female ejaculation.

01:58:15.000 Hey, my name's Evan.

01:58:16.000 I'm on the phone here with my buddy Steve.

01:58:18.000 We've been having a blowout argument, and I'm hoping Gavin can solve the problem.

01:58:21.000 Good.

01:58:21.000 My favorite kind of call.

01:58:23.000 I think when women ejaculate, that's actually real female passionate secretion.

01:58:29.000 He thinks it's pissed.

01:58:30.000 No, you're fucking wrong.

01:58:32.000 Listen, so I had this fucking homeless chick who I didn't know was homeless originally.

01:58:39.000 I was fucking her in my college house, and I didn't know until three days after the fact when she kind of outed herself as a squirter.

01:58:50.000 And I was trying to be like, oh, I'm so fucking sweet.

01:58:53.000 Like, I'll swallow your cum.

01:58:56.000 And, dude, she pissed in my fucking mouth.

01:58:59.000 That's not piss, brother.

01:59:00.000 Gavin, what do you think?

01:59:01.000 No, no, no, no.

01:59:02.000 It's piss.

01:59:03.000 It's fucking pissed.

01:59:04.000 But don't you want to feel like a man and know that it's not?

01:59:04.000 Piss?

01:59:07.000 No, no, no, but, but, but she is so horny and she's lost total and utter control.

01:59:16.000 So it's as good as come.

01:59:19.000 Yeah, it's not.

01:59:19.000 Because it's almost like she shit herself.

01:59:22.000 Like, imagine you fucking ate out a chick so well she pooed her pants.

01:59:27.000 Like that's that's still very flattering.

01:59:30.000 But you have to understand, God wouldn't make like a weird little pouch, like a weird little change pouch that's next to the fallopian tubes that carries the magic squirt that only like 1% of girls have.

01:59:45.000 Everyone has a bladder.

01:59:47.000 You're getting the bladder juice.

01:59:49.000 But it comes from, she's not like, yeah, just taking a piss.

01:59:53.000 She's having, she's lost control of her of her organs.

01:59:57.000 That's very flattering.

01:59:58.000 You should be very proud of that.

02:00:01.000 We want to be like the dominant like male figure, but at the same time, you want to like give back because we are in this equal opportunity world that we have going on right now.

02:00:13.000 So for me, like trying to be like living in this equal opportunity world.

02:00:21.000 It's got nothing to do with her.

02:00:22.000 I let her break in my mouth.

02:00:24.000 You're eating her out because you're a fucking pervert.

02:00:26.000 It's got nothing to do with making her happy and all that shit.

02:00:29.000 We're just pigs.

02:00:30.000 We'll eat her ass.

02:00:33.000 You ever look at Armpit?

02:00:35.000 How do you think I made her fucking squirt my mouth?

02:00:38.000 I ate her ass.

02:00:38.000 Yeah.

02:00:39.000 Exactly.

02:00:40.000 Yeah, it's not about you being an egalitarian.

02:00:43.000 It's about you being a fucking pigitarian.

02:00:45.000 What is the name of your ghost show?

02:00:49.000 Is it a good or bad thing to have a woman piss in your mouth when you think she's coming?

02:00:54.000 Final answer.

02:00:55.000 It's very positive.

02:00:56.000 Great work.

02:00:57.000 I'm very proud of you.

02:00:58.000 And, you know, if my wife was a squirter, I would just invest in shower curtains.

02:01:02.000 I'd be a very happy man.

02:01:04.000 You want to know some gossip?

02:01:05.000 I was talking about squirting with Owen Schroyer over at InfoWars.

02:01:10.000 And I was like, I've never, I've fucked hundreds of chicks.

02:01:13.000 I've never come across a squirter.

02:01:14.000 And he's like, I've had three.

02:01:16.000 And I'm like, three?

02:01:20.000 Three?

02:01:21.000 How the fuck did you get that high of a number?

02:01:23.000 And he's like, I don't know.

02:01:24.000 And, you know, when you're talking to a buddy, you can tell if he's a liar or not.

02:01:27.000 Like, that's a dumb lie.

02:01:29.000 But yeah, Owen is the luckiest squirt monger in the world.

02:01:34.000 Anyway, thanks for calling, guys.

02:01:36.000 And the answer to your question.

02:01:38.000 Are we on a show?

02:01:38.000 Do you guys have a show?

02:01:42.000 Yeah, kind of.

02:01:44.000 It's low profile, but we fucking love you guys and we appreciate you letting us talk to you.

02:01:48.000 All right, thanks.

02:01:49.000 We'll send you a clip.

02:01:50.000 Cool.

02:01:50.000 I don't care.

02:01:51.000 All right.

02:01:53.000 The mic sounded so good.

02:01:55.000 The mic sounded so good.

02:01:56.000 It was amazing here on WEKXP, Toronto, Ontario.

02:02:02.000 Super place to grow and a place to be, a land of lakes.

02:02:07.000 And all that you see is here on WEXP.

02:02:11.000 Next caller, please.

02:02:12.000 What do we got?

02:02:14.000 All right, Gavin.

02:02:16.000 18 to 9.

02:02:17.000 Are you fucking kidding me with that?

02:02:19.000 You sound like a blonde housewife watching for the commercials.

02:02:23.000 Have you watched the Chiefs offense one time this year?

02:02:26.000 Okay.

02:02:26.000 I have no idea what you're talking about at all.

02:02:28.000 The Super Bowl prediction.

02:02:29.000 Oh, I don't know anything about football.

02:02:33.000 No, but I'm saying, at least if you're going to do a bet read, do the bare minimum.

02:02:38.000 This is like a liberal talk, but do the bare minimum.

02:02:40.000 Look up the Chiefs.

02:02:41.000 Look up Pad Mahomes.

02:02:43.000 Look up, you know, usual football scores.

02:02:46.000 18 to 9 would mean it was only field goals, by the way.

02:02:48.000 That's not going to happen.

02:02:49.000 That would be an insane prop bet.

02:02:53.000 So give us a real score.

02:02:55.000 Give your audience a real score to go.

02:02:57.000 He doesn't know what that is.

02:02:58.000 65 to 42?

02:02:59.000 He's not going to.

02:03:01.000 No, those are both multiple.

02:03:03.000 That could happen, right?

02:03:03.000 Right.

02:03:05.000 Ryan, I have more faith in you.

02:03:06.000 What's your score?

02:03:07.000 I'm going to go 1326.

02:03:10.000 For who?

02:03:12.000 The 49ers.

02:03:14.000 The 49ers week.

02:03:17.000 14.

02:03:18.000 1423.

02:03:19.000 1423.

02:03:20.000 There's a safety in there.

02:03:21.000 Why are they laughing?

02:03:22.000 Because it's a given that the Chiefs are first?

02:03:24.000 No, no, it's that where our scores are all off.

02:03:27.000 No, I mean, you know what?

02:03:28.000 I was going to say, I'm in Vegas.

02:03:30.000 I was going to put down a nice little score based off, you know, the lucky charm prediction, but you guys are just very unusual score.

02:03:37.000 So thank you for taking the call.

02:03:40.000 Let me serious, buddy.

02:03:41.000 Yeah, we don't know.

02:03:43.000 I love football.

02:03:43.000 Sometimes.

02:03:44.000 Sometimes people call in and criticize you, and they're very accurate.

02:03:47.000 Yeah.

02:03:48.000 Jordan, here's some gossip.

02:03:50.000 Jordan Lucas is from New Rochelle High School near my place in Westchester.

02:03:59.000 And remember that fucking coach who got fired for calling his niece's mother when his niece was wasted?

02:04:05.000 No way.

02:04:06.000 He brought Jordan Lucas to the Chiefs.

02:04:09.000 He coached Jordan Lucas.

02:04:11.000 He's the reason Jordan Lucas exists.

02:04:13.000 He's in the fucking Super Bowl this Sunday.

02:04:15.000 Holy shit.

02:04:16.000 And he's fired.

02:04:18.000 Fuck.

02:04:18.000 Sorry, I gave you Jordan Lucas.

02:04:21.000 Won't happen again.

02:04:22.000 I apologize.

02:04:24.000 Bastards.

02:04:25.000 I'll make sure to walk away from my family members when I see them wasted at the age of 13.

02:04:33.000 You know, one of the guys in the plane, in Kobe's helicopter that died, is responsible for...

02:04:33.000 Shitty.

02:04:43.000 But he coached one of the Mets.

02:04:45.000 That's on the team right now.

02:04:48.000 A utility player.

02:04:49.000 What do they call it?

02:04:50.000 I don't care.

02:04:52.000 Kasha.

02:04:53.000 Kobe kind of killed himself and his daughter, in a sense.

02:04:57.000 Maybe.

02:04:57.000 Would you just find that bracelet?

02:04:59.000 Yeah, it was in my pocket.

02:05:01.000 We all hate traffic in LA, Kobe, but taking a helicopter every fucking day is kind of asking for it, is it not?

02:05:09.000 It's definitely a controversial view.

02:05:12.000 Risque.

02:05:13.000 You're really adding up the odds of danger.

02:05:16.000 Like, maybe wait in traffic once, you spoiled brat.

02:05:20.000 You killed your daughter with your inability to be inconvenienced.

02:05:26.000 Well, great segue.

02:05:27.000 Best love songs of all time.

02:05:29.000 Hey, Kasha.

02:05:32.000 Hey, Gavin.

02:05:34.000 I want to fuck you with my heels on.

02:05:38.000 I want to ride on your ding-dong.

02:05:42.000 I was going to say, I want to ride Ryan's ding-dong, but you got me.

02:05:47.000 So, that's a lot less strenuous, actually.

02:05:51.000 If you don't have a lot of energy, I would suggest riding Ryan's ding-dong.

02:05:55.000 Because riding my ding-dong, it's like climbing the top of Mount Everest and back.

02:05:59.000 But riding Ryan's ding-dong, it's like playing whack-a-mole with a baby.

02:06:02.000 I don't know if you can do it with heels on.

02:06:04.000 I think you need to...

02:06:05.000 Yeah, you got to do it with...

02:06:09.000 You have to put those stockings that you put on before you put on your little shoes.

02:06:14.000 You got to dig a hole for your feet if you want to ride his ding-dong.

02:06:22.000 That's true, but you know, I'm short.

02:06:24.000 And my dick's small.

02:06:26.000 Don't take that out of context.

02:06:28.000 Well, I would pass anyway.

02:06:29.000 I'm married, so I can't.

02:06:31.000 I just wanted to express my love for both of you.

02:06:34.000 And I just want to say that I'm really happy with everything you guys do.

02:06:40.000 I love the Pancreas Patriots.

02:06:43.000 It's a great show.

02:06:45.000 And I wanted to thank you, Gavin, because I've been married for a while and we have some kids, and it's really hard to get really, you know, frisky and intimate.

02:06:55.000 And your recent, how do you say it, repertoire or song made me, gave me an idea what to play for my husband for Valentine's this year.

02:07:08.000 Oh, Lady Saw.

02:07:09.000 And Lady Saw.

02:07:14.000 Heels on with the heels.

02:07:17.000 Yes, that's the song.

02:07:18.000 That's the number one that I'm going to be playing.

02:07:20.000 What's your accent there?

02:07:22.000 Are you Serbian?

02:07:24.000 No, I'm Polish.

02:07:26.000 Ah.

02:07:27.000 Same, Aries.

02:07:28.000 I want to fuck you with my heels on you.

02:07:32.000 Well, you guys should try the hump day rule, Wednesdays.

02:07:35.000 Bare minimum.

02:07:38.000 Well, we do the non-stop rule when he's home because unfortunately, he's not that often home.

02:07:44.000 So we just use all days as long as he's home.

02:07:49.000 So, yeah.

02:07:50.000 Okay.

02:07:50.000 Sounds like you got that under wraps.

02:07:54.000 I just wanted to say one negative thing, if I can, and it's about the app.

02:08:01.000 It's been an issue for me.

02:08:04.000 And I've switched phones and I've asked people, but when I get the notification that the show's live is on, often it just, when I click it, it just gets me to the app, but it doesn't play the show.

02:08:22.000 So then I have to go to the website, which is not a big deal, but sometimes I just can't.

02:08:28.000 So yeah, that's one good thing.

02:08:30.000 So the notification should click right to the live show.

02:08:35.000 Yeah, I know, but it doesn't.

02:08:37.000 It somehow goes just to the app, and that's it.

02:08:43.000 And there's no, like, today, I had that issue today, and I had to go to the website, and I had to go through the stream.

02:08:51.000 Are you also saying that you can't watch the live show on the app?

02:08:56.000 No, I do.

02:08:57.000 I usually do.

02:08:58.000 But there were like at least six times I had issue with that, and I missed the shows because at first I didn't realize I can just go on a website.

02:09:08.000 So that's the only thing that I'm using.

02:09:12.000 Maybe there's something in it, Polak.

02:09:16.000 Thank you.

02:09:17.000 That does help, though.

02:09:19.000 Okay, thank you.

02:09:20.000 I wanted to fuck you with my when I was in Ottawa.

02:09:24.000 We had this Polish friend who was like six, seven.

02:09:28.000 And I always said, I wouldn't fuck Yanni with a 10-foot pole.

02:09:31.000 Oh, wait, he is a 10-foot pole.

02:09:35.000 We got Brian a million in the morning and big three Perry Caravello and tons of other shit.

02:09:41.000 He's like, if I don't wash my hair that day, it becomes like this wavy Vincent Price thing.

02:09:48.000 It was a arabesque night.

02:09:51.000 Hello, Brian.

02:09:53.000 Hey, guys.

02:09:54.000 Hey, man.

02:09:54.000 I want to fuck you with my hails on.

02:09:55.000 Hey, man.

02:09:56.000 Fuck you.

02:09:57.000 Hey, yeah.

02:09:58.000 Kesha kind of ruined the, I want to fuck you with my heels on, but I like your new sunglasses.

02:10:04.000 Thank you.

02:10:05.000 And instead of asking you eight questions and telling you three ways to do your job and then suggesting like ten videos you've already seen, you said you got me on to Windsor City by just referencing it.

02:10:23.000 Then I saw on Street Carnage, you wrote an article about it.

02:10:29.000 Oh, nice article a couple days ago.

02:10:32.000 I can't remember the site.

02:10:35.000 What happened?

02:10:36.000 Why did Don completely bail on Perry?

02:10:38.000 Like, why did that end?

02:10:40.000 Like, it was like a project.

02:10:43.000 Don gets tired.

02:10:44.000 So to folks at home, our friend is talking about a 30-year prank on some asshole named Scary Perry.

02:10:51.000 And the people doing the prank are Mole and Don.

02:10:55.000 And Mole and Don are fucking geniuses.

02:10:57.000 They've made hundreds of hours of prank calls, videos, podcasts, an entire movie called Windy City Heat.

02:11:04.000 I mean, I became so addicted that I had to stop.

02:11:09.000 The Perry Project was done.

02:11:11.000 Don had had enough, but he keeps coming back.

02:11:15.000 Because here's the secret to the Perry Project that no one will ever tell you.

02:11:19.000 Don is the biggest freak.

02:11:21.000 He's the biggest whackpacker.

02:11:23.000 He has his own whack pack called Fuck, what's it called?

02:11:29.000 Don Barris has his own show, and it's called, he kind of invented the idea of the whackpack.

02:11:34.000 In fact, the ding-dong show.

02:11:37.000 That's it.

02:11:37.000 Thank you.

02:11:38.000 Howard Stern stole whackpackers from him.

02:11:41.000 Like Blue Ivy was originally a ding-donger.

02:11:45.000 And I can't believe I'm talking about this.

02:11:47.000 But Don is the biggest ding-donger of them all.

02:11:52.000 He's a fucking psycho.

02:11:54.000 I love Don to death.

02:11:55.000 And Don, if you ever see this, I want you to know I'm not disparaging you, but you have to admit you're mental.

02:12:00.000 Like his apartment is hoarder central.

02:12:04.000 It's jammed top to bottom.

02:12:06.000 His kitchen is just like, his kitchen counter is all these weird tequila bottles of like the rare tequila bottles that look like people and stuff.

02:12:15.000 All his collections fill his entire house.

02:12:17.000 He can't go to his apartment anymore.

02:12:19.000 And he takes pictures all the time, everywhere he goes.

02:12:23.000 So in his hallway is like floor-to-ceiling photographs.

02:12:27.000 Like if you went out with him, I'm sure with me, there's maybe a thousand, and I haven't hung out with him that much, of me just like.

02:12:37.000 Really?

02:12:38.000 Yeah, like he's definitely on his fancy camera.

02:12:42.000 You know, he's been with Jimmy Kimmel forever.

02:12:44.000 He's Jimmy Kimmel's warm-up con.

02:12:46.000 Is that it?

02:12:47.000 Is that it?

02:12:48.000 No, right?

02:12:49.000 No, that's like not his style.

02:12:49.000 No.

02:12:52.000 See, that's someone who works hard.

02:12:55.000 Don Barris doesn't do anything.

02:12:57.000 They used you on hand for the Kiss Gate thing.

02:13:00.000 What?

02:13:01.000 And they called you John Quincy Adams or something.

02:13:04.000 John Quincy Adams is another character involved.

02:13:06.000 I'm not going to say who that is, but you can piece it together.

02:13:09.000 I actually shit Jimmy Kimmel a picture of Don Barris' apartment, and he plays it before every Jimmy Kimmel live before they start the show, so everyone in the audience can see what a nut is about to warm them up.

02:13:22.000 Dude, he wears weightlifter socks.

02:13:23.000 You know those like big puffy white socks that like hot chicks would wear in the 80s?

02:13:28.000 Leg warmers, yeah.

02:13:28.000 He'll wear like white Reeboks, those sexy leg warmer socks, and then the loosest basketball shorts you've ever seen in your life.

02:13:37.000 Like a gown, basically.

02:13:40.000 And then some, you know, fucking basketball shirt and a hat.

02:13:45.000 But I think what happens with Don is he just says, all right, I've had enough of this fucking asshole.

02:13:51.000 Fuck him.

02:13:52.000 And then he realizes Perry's the best thing that ever happened to me because he makes me feel less crazy.

02:13:57.000 Oh, here's a story.

02:13:59.000 Okay, you ready for this story?

02:13:59.000 Here's a story.

02:14:02.000 So I hired, there was a music show, a festival in Chicago called Intonation.

02:14:10.000 And I hired Perry and Don and Mole to come down and host it.

02:14:16.000 Even though none of the people, and it was all like hipster bands, was a hipster fest.

02:14:20.000 This is probably the beginning of my day's advice coming to a close.

02:14:24.000 But I was like, fuck these hipsters.

02:14:26.000 Let's inundate them with windy city heat.

02:14:28.000 So I flew those guys down.

02:14:32.000 And they had never traveled before.

02:14:35.000 Like, Mole is relatively normal.

02:14:37.000 He's Tony Barbieri.

02:14:38.000 Scary Perry had never been on a plane.

02:14:42.000 Don Barris had never really traveled before.

02:14:44.000 You know what he packed in his suitcase?

02:14:46.000 40 magazines and a pair of sweatpants.

02:14:49.000 That was in his.

02:14:50.000 And by the way, you don't bring a suitcase to Chicago for two days.

02:14:54.000 You have like a bag.

02:14:57.000 By the way, he also found us a ding-donger.

02:15:00.000 He found a new ding-donger.

02:15:01.000 We called him £350 Josh.

02:15:04.000 That was his new whackpacker.

02:15:06.000 That's how good he is at accumulating lunatics.

02:15:08.000 Anyway, so the story is he got to the hotel that I had booked for them, and he lost his wallet.

02:15:22.000 His wallet's gone.

02:15:23.000 That happens to us.

02:15:24.000 It happens about once every 15 years to most normal men.

02:15:27.000 And it fucking sucks.

02:15:28.000 You got to cancel all your credit cards.

02:15:30.000 You got to get your new fucking driver's license.

02:15:34.000 Don was having a fucking meltdown.

02:15:36.000 He was in the hotel lobby.

02:15:38.000 He had his suitcase open, which is why I know.

02:15:41.000 Oh, no, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.

02:15:43.000 Let me go back a step.

02:15:44.000 A buddy of mine was in a taxi.

02:15:46.000 He goes, I'm getting in a taxi.

02:15:47.000 And I hear a guy screaming like his wife was killed.

02:15:50.000 And then I come outside and it's Don Barris with his suitcase open, screaming his head off, going through it.

02:15:56.000 And it's just magazines and a pair of sweatpants.

02:15:58.000 Then he runs into the lobby, still screaming, crying, drops it there and goes, where is it?

02:16:04.000 Where is it?

02:16:05.000 Where is the guy?

02:16:06.000 And then Sarush Alvi, who's the guy I started Vice with, he grabs onto Sarush's leg and he goes, what am I going to do, Saroosh?

02:16:15.000 What am I going to do?

02:16:18.000 Hysterical.

02:16:19.000 Then Derek Beckles, the black guy who does TV Carnage and we works with Eric Andre, he was also there at the time.

02:16:28.000 He was in the hotel room next To Don, and he was having a shower.

02:16:32.000 He could hear Don in the shower through the wall, screaming, punching the walls, and going, Why, why, why, why?

02:16:45.000 Because he lost his fucking this is what you do when you lose your wallet, by the way.

02:16:49.000 You go like this, Jesus, fuck.

02:16:52.000 That's a pain in the ass.

02:16:57.000 Shit.

02:16:58.000 Fuck.

02:16:59.000 That's it.

02:17:00.000 You don't cry, you don't wail, you don't pound your suitcase, you don't crawl into a ball.

02:17:05.000 Anyway, Don is just as crazy as the rest of them, but he's a fucking wonderful guy.

02:17:10.000 Super funny dude.

02:17:11.000 Oh, that's a young picture of him.

02:17:13.000 Don Barris and Whitney Houston?

02:17:15.000 What?

02:17:17.000 But yeah, I gave up on the Perry Project because I got too involved.

02:17:21.000 It was taking over my life.

02:17:22.000 But the Perry Project's not over.

02:17:25.000 Dawn just took a break.

02:17:26.000 Anyway, I got a piss, but let's keep taking calls.

02:17:29.000 That's great to hear.

02:17:30.000 Thank you.

02:17:31.000 Love you more than a friend.

02:17:34.000 Later, Anthony watches.

02:17:37.000 Anthony watches, watches Anthony.

02:17:39.000 Anthony watches, Anthony.

02:17:39.000 Watches.

02:17:42.000 Rye guy.

02:17:43.000 G-Dog.

02:17:44.000 Pleasure.

02:17:45.000 Hello.

02:17:46.000 I just noticed something.

02:17:49.000 And it was G-Dog's got a new watch.

02:17:52.000 Am I seeing the Black Dial Sub-Mariner?

02:17:56.000 He does have a new watch.

02:17:58.000 He is taking a European, but he will be back in most.

02:18:02.000 I'll show you.

02:18:02.000 Okay.

02:18:04.000 I have a Casio.

02:18:07.000 You have Casio.

02:18:09.000 See, I'm in Miami, and I'm just not sure.

02:18:11.000 You know, this is a status signaling capital of the world.

02:18:14.000 I'm doing decent for myself.

02:18:16.000 Just not sure when's an appropriate time to get a watch like G-Dogs or to get a watch like Rye Guys.

02:18:23.000 Hold on, one second.

02:18:27.000 You know, at what income slash net worth do you buy the Rollie?

02:18:31.000 And at what income slash net worth do you stick to the Casio?

02:18:35.000 Is this up, Mariner?

02:18:40.000 Is that what that is?

02:18:41.000 Yeah.

02:18:42.000 Can I teach you?

02:18:43.000 I don't know what's up for this.

02:18:45.000 Okay.

02:18:50.000 Yeah, it's a Rolex submariner.

02:18:52.000 I have a rich friend who is involved in Censored.tv, and he said, if you get to 15,000 subscribers, I'll buy you a Rolex.

02:19:02.000 And he did.

02:19:03.000 And I got to say, I don't like advertising it because I don't want to get robbed.

02:19:10.000 But sometimes I'll just look at this fucking work of art and be in awe of its beauty.

02:19:19.000 If it's under my, my hand's under my pillow, I can hear like, it really.

02:19:27.000 You know, in Miami, everyone's got a Rolex, even if they can't afford one.

02:19:30.000 Well, when should you buy a Rolex is a good question.

02:19:33.000 You should obviously buy a used.

02:19:35.000 This is probably $32,000 new.

02:19:37.000 I think it's $18,000 used.

02:19:43.000 I think you should have $150,000 in the bank.

02:19:49.000 What's my net worth?

02:19:51.000 No, no, no.

02:19:52.000 What net worth do you think is appropriate to purchase something like that?

02:19:57.000 That's a good question.

02:19:58.000 I'm not sure net worth is the thing.

02:20:00.000 I think that disposable income is the thing.

02:20:05.000 So if you're making mortgage payments and everything's going great and your wife is happy, you're married, you're probably not going to get this till you're married, right?

02:20:15.000 Right, right.

02:20:16.000 And you have $150,000 in the bank that's sitting there, $150,000 and up.

02:20:24.000 I would say it's time to buy a Rolex because the beauty of it is you can sell it.

02:20:29.000 They actually appreciate it.

02:20:30.000 It's not a Ferrari.

02:20:31.000 It doesn't go down 40%.

02:20:33.000 I heard it goes up in value, right?

02:20:35.000 Remember?

02:20:36.000 Right.

02:20:36.000 You remember we're talking about that?

02:20:37.000 So that's just off the top.

02:20:39.000 I'm just speaking from me personally, and I'm the cheapest man alive.

02:20:42.000 And by the way, I have a lot more than $150 saved.

02:20:45.000 But I'm sort of reading you, and I think you should wait until $150 is just sitting there rotting.

02:20:54.000 And if $150 is sitting there rotting, you could spend $18K on a Rolex.

02:21:01.000 And also, it has to be something you're fucking dying for.

02:21:05.000 Like, I've been wanting a Rolex for my whole life, and you have to go, can I afford it?

02:21:10.000 Is it a good deal?

02:21:11.000 Is it worth it?

02:21:13.000 Can I resell it?

02:21:14.000 There's other factors there.

02:21:17.000 Right.

02:21:18.000 And your environment is also another factor.

02:21:20.000 I don't know a more status signaling city than Miami.

02:21:26.000 I know there's a lot of rich people in New York.

02:21:27.000 I know there's a lot of rich people in LA, but Miami is a whole different ballgame.

02:21:31.000 And that's a sign off on there because I'm itching for one.

02:21:34.000 That's a great point.

02:21:35.000 And New York and L.A. have changed in the past five years.

02:21:38.000 In L.A., you need a BMW 3 Series to showboat if you're a CAA agent.

02:21:44.000 That's changed now.

02:21:46.000 Now you need a fucking Prius or some bullshit faggot car to show that you care about the environment.

02:21:54.000 And I don't think New Yorkers are necessarily impressed by fancy watches.

02:22:00.000 I think like if you're talking about really serious hundred millionaires and they see you with a Timex, they're like, that guy, because a lot of rich in New York, it's not old money.

02:22:11.000 A lot of them moved here from Oklahoma after they discovered the grapple grummit.

02:22:16.000 So they're like, that's a Timex.

02:22:18.000 That guy's a hardworking dude.

02:22:20.000 He's my kind of guy.

02:22:22.000 But yes, I can see Miami being a totally different thing due to your disproportionate number of fags.

02:22:31.000 True, very true.

02:22:32.000 And hooking up.

02:22:32.000 Why are you gay?

02:22:35.000 You know what I've noticed about spending money really stupidly?

02:22:38.000 Is that if I get a Puerto Rican, a $220 pair of shoes, and then the rest of my outfit sucks.

02:22:45.000 It's just, you gotta have a balance.

02:22:47.000 And if you have a really expensive watch and the rest of your clothes kind of stink, Brian's financial advice show.

02:22:54.000 True, true.

02:22:56.000 All right, well, I like you guys more than a friend.

02:22:57.000 Don't want to take any more time.

02:22:58.000 Take care.

02:23:01.000 He said, Thanks for calling.

02:23:02.000 We spent way too much time with you.

02:23:04.000 You're fired.

02:23:05.000 And I like you more than fun.

02:23:07.000 I don't like this wavy thing going on here.

02:23:10.000 I like it straight.

02:23:11.000 That looks cool.

02:23:12.000 Looks like it's Kramer-ish.

02:23:14.000 Which is super cool.

02:23:18.000 We have a similar career path.

02:23:24.000 Brad.

02:23:25.000 Brad.

02:23:27.000 So you're Brad Pitt.

02:23:29.000 That don't impress me much.

02:23:32.000 Am I on the line?

02:23:34.000 No, you're just talking to ghosts.

02:23:36.000 You're on the line.

02:23:38.000 What's up, Ryan Guy?

02:23:39.000 What's up, T-Detective Man?

02:23:41.000 And Bloody Georges.

02:23:43.000 Hey, I'm on the filthiest, most disgusting two-year dry streak that you've ever seen.

02:23:50.000 And Gavin, even earlier this episode, you're saying that you've slept with hundreds of women.

02:23:54.000 So you're a guy with tips on how to end a dry streak.

02:23:57.000 So what's the number one tip?

02:23:58.000 Thanks, my dude.

02:23:59.000 Love you.

02:24:00.000 Bye.

02:24:01.000 Later.

02:24:02.000 I did not understand a word of that silly native leprechaun Australian.

02:24:07.000 Is that why we sent them to that island?

02:24:09.000 Because we couldn't understand them.

02:24:11.000 Why did you steal that?

02:24:12.000 I didn't steal it, mate.

02:24:13.000 I was just fucking mucking around.

02:24:15.000 I was having a fun with my friends.

02:24:16.000 You think that's a knife?

02:24:17.000 There's a knife.

02:24:18.000 That's New Zealand.

02:24:19.000 Put him on a boat and send him out of here.

02:24:21.000 I don't know what the fuck.

02:24:22.000 I think it was Aussie.

02:24:23.000 I had no idea.

02:24:24.000 Yes, it was Aussie.

02:24:25.000 But you're doing New Zealand, for sure.

02:24:27.000 No, I'm not.

02:24:28.000 Yeah, you are.

02:24:28.000 You can tell the difference between New Zealand and Australia.

02:24:30.000 Yeah, Australians are kind of like this.

02:24:33.000 They talk with the little on the top.

02:24:35.000 Interrogative tone?

02:24:36.000 But New Zealand, they talk a lot tighter, like this, and they'll call a guy named Britt Britt instead of that.

02:24:43.000 They say five plus one is six.

02:24:45.000 But Australians are kind of talking like this, and hey, mate, you know, you're going to take a ride on the park.

02:24:49.000 You're right, I am wrong.

02:24:50.000 Wow, you're really hitting out of the park.

02:24:52.000 Which makes me concerned that I've become retarded.

02:24:55.000 But what was that guy talking about?

02:24:55.000 Yeah.

02:24:57.000 I think it says still getting off a magistrate like it would chicks.

02:25:02.000 This is Julie.

02:25:03.000 This is long 15 seconds.

02:25:04.000 Damn.

02:25:05.000 So we have a really bad automated screener.

02:25:05.000 All right.

02:25:08.000 But I think he was talking about man tits, how to get rid of man tits.

02:25:11.000 Oh, how to get rid of man tits?

02:25:14.000 Burn more calories than you take in.

02:25:16.000 Yeah.

02:25:17.000 And just fucking work out.

02:25:18.000 I mean, I don't have man tits.

02:25:21.000 Yeah.

02:25:23.000 Norm McDonald, what's your take on him?

02:25:27.000 Let's hear him ask him.

02:25:31.000 I was just wondering, you know, another famous Canadian, one of two, what's your take on Norm?

02:25:36.000 And have you seen the 9-11 laugh compilation?

02:25:41.000 I have not.

02:25:42.000 Thank you for calling.

02:25:43.000 Great to hear from you.

02:25:44.000 I think he's one of the funniest people in the history of comedy.

02:25:47.000 He's a fucking genius.

02:25:49.000 He really understands comedy.

02:25:51.000 But I got to say, comedy is obviously one of the oldest art forms in the world.

02:25:57.000 It's like painting.

02:25:58.000 So, you know, when I see someone do a derivative painting of a landscape, I go, I'm expecting a lot more.

02:26:05.000 That's what I loved about Tyler the Creator's show at the Grammys, where I went, all right, finally something new.

02:26:11.000 So, yes, I'm blown away by Louis C.K. and Dave Chappelle and Norm McDonald.

02:26:17.000 But at the same time, I'm sort of looking at them going, you should be this good.

02:26:21.000 It's been a million years.

02:26:22.000 Oh, shit, the Video Podcast Network.

02:26:24.000 That's what Wendy City Heat was on.

02:26:27.000 Uh-oh, your webcam quit unexpectedly.

02:26:30.000 I think he's secretly gay.

02:26:33.000 Yeah.

02:26:33.000 Really?

02:26:34.000 I've thought that too, but he has a son, so at least he wasn't gay at one point.

02:26:38.000 You know what Tucker Carlson said to me once?

02:26:39.000 I'm really spilling all the gossip.

02:26:41.000 Damn.

02:26:42.000 He goes, look, we've been around for hundreds of thousands of years, right?

02:26:46.000 When you're around people, there's pheromones, there's scents.

02:26:50.000 You pick it up.

02:26:51.000 And if someone's going to punch you in the face, you can kind of smell it.

02:26:55.000 You can kind of sense it.

02:26:57.000 And sometimes when someone's gay, you're just like, your marriage is about to collapse and you're about to move to West Hollywood.

02:27:05.000 You just sort of feel it.

02:27:07.000 And that's, I would say the same about Norm McDonald.

02:27:10.000 I just see him.

02:27:11.000 I see his pudgy face.

02:27:12.000 I see the inept sidekick he has.

02:27:15.000 Not that I have a problem with people with inept sidekicks.

02:27:18.000 Some people with inept sidekicks are great people.

02:27:20.000 Right.

02:27:21.000 But this guy, like, at least mine can do imitations.

02:27:25.000 His just sits there.

02:27:26.000 He was beating off punks under the bridge.

02:27:28.000 His is like OP of Opie and Anthony.

02:27:30.000 Like, he doesn't really do anything, but he is cute.

02:27:34.000 I.e.

02:27:35.000 great for BJs.

02:27:37.000 So I love Norm McDonald.

02:27:39.000 I think he's a fucking genius.

02:27:41.000 I hope to be maybe a tenth as funny as he is, but I think he's a fag.

02:27:47.000 I don't know if he has gay eyes.

02:27:50.000 Yeah, his eyes aren't very gay.

02:27:51.000 That's a good point.

02:27:52.000 But look at...

02:27:53.000 Fuck it.

02:27:59.000 Where's my ice cream?

02:28:01.000 Thank you.

02:28:04.000 He's a queen.

02:28:06.000 Big gay ice cream is the best.

02:28:08.000 No, that's called a Jew.

02:28:12.000 The way he scoops that?

02:28:14.000 No.

02:28:15.000 That's a Jew.

02:28:16.000 But everything, he's been notoriously single for a while.

02:28:20.000 Jews are confused with gays.

02:28:22.000 That's actually true.

02:28:23.000 There's this magician.

02:28:25.000 Look up this magician on Netflix and tell me if you think he's gay.

02:28:28.000 It's called Magic for Humans.

02:28:30.000 Are you telling me to look up something?

02:28:33.000 No, for the folks at home.

02:28:34.000 I don't know if we want to go down this rabbit hole, but I think he's a quebe, but he's drunk.

02:28:38.000 I think you have Asian flush.

02:28:40.000 Two glasses of water.

02:28:40.000 I'm drunk.

02:28:42.000 Yep.

02:28:43.000 Two glasses of wine.

02:28:44.000 That's right.

02:28:44.000 And now you're trying to log into Netflix like a fucking drunken gook.

02:28:50.000 All right.

02:28:51.000 No, we're not watching Magic for Humans.

02:28:52.000 I know the show you're talking about.

02:28:53.000 You do?

02:28:54.000 Yeah, yeah.

02:28:54.000 I think I'm the guy, yeah.

02:28:55.000 By the way, that sketch show on Netflix with the ugly Jew with the big nose is so fucking good.

02:29:02.000 It's like that variety show where he's doing a bunch of shit.

02:29:04.000 Yeah, like Let Me Get Out of Here or whatever it's called.

02:29:07.000 I was watching a few.

02:29:08.000 I saw that lesbian that Let Me Get Out of Here.

02:29:12.000 let you in here.

02:29:12.000 Who let you in here?

02:29:13.000 I watched the...

02:29:17.000 I was watching the lesbian, the chubby lesbian that Bill Burr endorsed.

02:29:20.000 And I thought, she seems kind of good.

02:29:22.000 And I thought the clip they showed was okay.

02:29:24.000 I'm watching it.

02:29:25.000 I'm just like, I'm just eating potatoes.

02:29:28.000 And then I watched a few other things.

02:29:29.000 I'm eating potatoes.

02:29:30.000 I'm eating potatoes, and I think maybe I'm in a bad mood or something.

02:29:33.000 And then I watched.

02:29:35.000 What's it called?

02:29:36.000 Let me get out of here.

02:29:39.000 Get me out of here?

02:29:41.000 So you were watching what?

02:29:44.000 Yeah, there it is.

02:29:46.000 The Schnaz.

02:29:48.000 I think you should leave.

02:29:49.000 I think you should leave.

02:29:50.000 Dude, this guy is so fucking talented.

02:29:53.000 This show is amazing.

02:29:56.000 It's so good.

02:29:57.000 It looks like an...

02:29:59.000 It looks like a...

02:30:01.000 You know what?

02:30:01.000 Just play that.

02:30:02.000 You can just drop the needle anywhere on the record.

02:30:04.000 That was the last I saw of her.

02:30:06.000 Then why did Tyler see her in your car at 2 a.m.?

02:30:08.000 Tyler, Tyler's a freak.

02:30:10.000 Everybody knows that.

02:30:11.000 He may be weird, but at least he didn't beat up Matt Sims in the locker room in front of everyone.

02:30:18.000 Okay.

02:30:19.000 Look.

02:30:21.000 Great actors.

02:30:21.000 I don't see anything.

02:30:22.000 All right, you two, get the class.

02:30:24.000 The bell already rang.

02:30:25.000 You keep me in the hall when the bell rang.

02:30:26.000 The bell already rang.

02:30:27.000 Sir, Prince West, that's okay.

02:30:31.000 That's a cool shirt.

02:30:32.000 Yeah, it's a TC top from TC Tuggers, the only shirt that's got a little knob on the front so you can just pull it out when it gets trapped on your belly.

02:30:40.000 It's very cool.

02:30:41.000 Yeah, I was doing this all the time, and the wear and tear was wrecking my regular shirts.

02:30:48.000 But TC Tuggers has this little knob on the front so you don't wreck your shirt or hurt your hand.

02:30:54.000 Yeah, that makes sense.

02:30:55.000 Yeah, you know what I mean?

02:30:57.000 Because when you go through the day, your shirt gets kind of bunched up.

02:31:01.000 Anyway, so I was right.

02:31:02.000 My brother sent me a commercial for the Tuggers, and he said, this is going to make you fucking insane.

02:31:08.000 I think he thinks they're real shirts.

02:31:11.000 Because you know how fat people are always going like this?

02:31:13.000 Yeah.

02:31:14.000 Like, we don't know you're fat because you went like that and I don't see the crease.

02:31:17.000 There's no way this is real.

02:31:19.000 Of course.

02:31:20.000 Wait.

02:31:20.000 But they made a fucking site for it.

02:31:22.000 Yeah, they made a joke site.

02:31:27.000 $50.

02:31:28.000 Wait a minute.

02:31:28.000 Now I want to make sure that you're not.

02:31:29.000 They might be making shirts.

02:31:31.000 They might official buy now, sold out.

02:31:36.000 Buy now, sold out.

02:31:38.000 Oh, they're both sold out.

02:31:39.000 Okay.

02:31:40.000 Premium rubber knob comes in any color you'd like, comes in any size you'd like, prevents wrecking shirts.

02:31:45.000 Yeah, yeah, it's pretty great.

02:31:46.000 All right, let's take some more calls.

02:31:47.000 We're way over the line.

02:31:50.000 My age is flaring up.

02:31:52.000 Doug, you're going to talk about a politically incorrect joke, or did we just talk to you?

02:31:58.000 No, you did not just talk to me.

02:32:00.000 Well, you talk to us.

02:32:00.000 Okay.

02:32:02.000 You sexy bass.

02:32:03.000 I will talk to you.

02:32:04.000 Okay.

02:32:05.000 So I saw this joke on Twitter today, and my coworker brought it up.

02:32:11.000 And it's essentially the coronavirus.

02:32:15.000 When are we going to start calling it the kung flu?

02:32:18.000 Yes.

02:32:19.000 And then a separate co-worker started to talk about how that joke was racist.

02:32:25.000 And I was wondering if you guys could discuss how absolutely insane that is, that someone would think that.

02:32:31.000 I would say you could argue it's racist, but so what?

02:32:34.000 It's also funny.

02:32:36.000 Yeah, it's also a joke.

02:32:38.000 It's not serious.

02:32:39.000 Yeah, within every joke is a tiny revolution.

02:32:42.000 These people want to stop us riffing.

02:32:45.000 How about we make some fucking fun and levity out of a horrible situation?

02:32:50.000 Is that possible?

02:32:53.000 Yeah, out of some death and kung fu.

02:32:57.000 That's hilarious.

02:32:58.000 Your proper response to that, sure, sir.

02:33:00.000 Thank you for calling, by the way.

02:33:02.000 Yeah.

02:33:02.000 Is yes, you're right.

02:33:05.000 That is racist, and it's also funny.

02:33:08.000 Yeah.

02:33:11.000 Is kung fu itself racist?

02:33:14.000 What a jam.

02:33:40.000 Everybody was Kung Fu fighting Those drugs were fast as lightning In fact, it was a little bit frightening But they fought with expert timing There were funky China men From funky Chinatown They were chopping them up They were chopping them down

02:34:09.000 ancient Chinese art We got.

02:34:11.000 It's an ancient Chinese, huh?

02:34:13.000 You know Rob Runny?

02:34:14.000 Yep.

02:34:15.000 I used to go to Scotland every year, and people would want to beat the shit out of me because I was a foreigner.

02:34:20.000 And then Kung Fu became super big in 1979, 1980.

02:34:27.000 And then all of a sudden, magically, one year, they go, where are you from?

02:34:32.000 And I would just say America.

02:34:34.000 That's easier, right?

02:34:36.000 From America.

02:34:38.000 Do you know Kung Fu?

02:34:40.000 And I'd go, yeah.

02:34:43.000 I am Kung Fu.

02:34:44.000 I am Kung Fu.

02:34:47.000 And they go, can you show us moves?

02:34:49.000 Can you kill people with a chop?

02:34:51.000 And I'd be like, I am instructed to only use it in self-defense because it could kill someone.

02:35:00.000 So I'd rather not get involved.

02:35:03.000 I'd rather just go and get some sweeties, by the way.

02:35:08.000 And so no one would fuck with me for like 79, 80, 81, zero fights.

02:35:13.000 Because I must know Kung Fu because I'm from America.

02:35:17.000 And I could fucking kill you.

02:35:19.000 And then they started sussing it out around 83 and it was back to fucking, what team do you support?

02:35:25.000 And I would say, Partic Vessel.

02:35:26.000 And they'd say, you're daft.

02:35:27.000 And I'd go, good.

02:35:29.000 I can fucking love another day.

02:35:34.000 Jesus Christ.

02:35:35.000 Glasgow was that.

02:35:36.000 I want to see what this is.

02:35:37.000 Kung Fu.

02:35:39.000 Glasgow Kung Fu Mental Case.

02:35:42.000 It's me.

02:35:44.000 This is footage from 1980.

02:35:47.000 Stand back.

02:35:48.000 What's going on with the fancy dress?

02:35:51.000 How did you find the rest?

02:35:54.000 Nine.

02:35:57.000 Oh, aye.

02:35:58.000 I was wondering why you throw that shit on.

02:36:02.000 It's just a new time to change.

02:36:04.000 I thought you were just fucking Madweet or something with a hat in your front seat, babe.

02:36:08.000 This is my grade.

02:36:09.000 This is what colour I am.

02:36:11.000 Hi.

02:36:12.000 What calls that?

02:36:15.000 Boy Kung Fu.

02:36:16.000 Is that the fuck?

02:36:17.000 What's that?

02:36:18.000 Esther Orange or something now?

02:36:18.000 What's that?

02:36:20.000 I've got red to go then this last.

02:36:22.000 As someone from Scotland, I can tell you that both these guys are planning their first punch right now.

02:36:30.000 The actual conversation is redundant.

02:36:33.000 Benign, yeah, yeah.

02:36:36.000 What's your name again?

02:36:38.000 Bardy Marlin.

02:36:39.000 How do I can you?

02:36:40.000 I never punch a penny.

02:36:41.000 How do I can you?

02:36:42.000 That means how do I know you?

02:36:44.000 The word know is can.

02:36:46.000 How do I can you?

02:36:47.000 Yeah.

02:36:48.000 How do I can you?

02:36:49.000 Don't know.

02:36:50.000 You can?

02:36:50.000 I don't know, you're just noisy me up today.

02:36:52.000 Oh, I'm just a punching wonder like your mailing over that for that bigger machine.

02:36:57.000 What's going on?

02:36:58.000 Not a benevolent conversation.

02:37:00.000 Well, I've got to go and see the doctor.

02:37:03.000 Alright.

02:37:06.000 I chop him fucking up and give you medication.

02:37:11.000 Let's give me medication and I'll just chop him to pieces.

02:37:17.000 Are you considering ripping open the door right now?

02:37:24.000 I realize I can't kill all of you.

02:37:27.000 So I'm just going to let you go, you know.

02:37:29.000 I'd love to fucking rip out the door and just choke you, you motherfucker.

02:37:33.000 You fucking cunt.

02:37:34.000 Fucking joke.

02:37:35.000 You gob shite, you wee fucking vampot.

02:37:39.000 I'll fucking batter you so I will.

02:37:41.000 See all your friends giggling away in the back seat?

02:37:44.000 It'll D2 the new.

02:37:46.000 Robert, fresh hot pussy.

02:37:52.000 Robert Fresh Hot Pussy.

02:37:54.000 Hey.

02:37:54.000 Hi.

02:37:55.000 Yeah, my last name is Fresh Hot Pussy.

02:37:58.000 I know I've heard the jokes a million times.

02:38:00.000 I'm from Iran.

02:38:02.000 It's pronounced Fishat Pussa.

02:38:05.000 Fishat Pussy?

02:38:06.000 That's me.

02:38:07.000 Yeah.

02:38:08.000 Listen.

02:38:10.000 Ew.

02:38:10.000 That was a fart.

02:38:14.000 Okay, listen.

02:38:15.000 I'm 49.

02:38:16.000 The fart's going to become unfunny at some point.

02:38:19.000 I'm waiting with my Rolex.

02:38:21.000 Not right now.

02:38:23.000 Well, listen, I just want to first say rest in peace to Kobe.

02:38:27.000 He was my favorite player on the LA Knickers.

02:38:29.000 Oh, I mean, Lakers.

02:38:32.000 Best traffic hater on the Nakers.

02:38:35.000 Sorry, Lakers.

02:38:38.000 Yes.

02:38:38.000 Also, I just wanted to say, I don't know if you, I live in New Orleans.

02:38:43.000 I don't know if you keep up with the news over here.

02:38:45.000 The Hard Rock Hotel collapsed, and they had two dead people in there.

02:38:50.000 They've been in there for months.

02:38:52.000 And now one of them is hanging outside.

02:38:54.000 Oh.

02:38:55.000 And the city government is so inept.

02:38:57.000 Stop.

02:38:58.000 That they're like, please don't throw beads on him.

02:39:03.000 In New Orleans.

02:39:05.000 Oh, I never heard about this.

02:39:07.000 The Hard Rock Cafe in New Orleans collapsed, and they just let a body sit there?

02:39:12.000 The bodies have been there for months.

02:39:14.000 They can't do anything.

02:39:15.000 The building is told they can't.

02:39:21.000 But they have a body just hanging out.

02:39:24.000 And recently the city was hacked.

02:39:26.000 They had a big ransomware hack and it totally destroyed a bunch of the city networks.

02:39:31.000 Turns out a lot of those documents were the hard rock documents.

02:39:36.000 Now it's coming out that the dude who owned the building, some Indian guy, I think, he donated like $100,000 to the mayor's campaign.

02:39:46.000 It's a total shit show, but you should check it out.

02:39:48.000 It's fodder.

02:39:49.000 I'm sure you can come up with a bunch of interesting takes on that.

02:39:53.000 You know, thank you for calling, by the way.

02:39:57.000 New Orleans is so fucking corrupt.

02:40:00.000 I talked to cops there after Katrina who murdered people.

02:40:05.000 I've met murderers, by the way.

02:40:07.000 People who will get drunk and go, yeah, that's when I killed the guy.

02:40:11.000 It's never just like, I killed a guy who, like, fucked my wife.

02:40:14.000 It's always with good reason.

02:40:16.000 But I met detectives in New Orleans who, after Katrina, went and they went and shot perpetual offenders, guys who beat the shit out of kids, were serial rapists, had great lawyers, were gangsters, like scarfaces of the town.

02:40:34.000 And they're like, I keep getting this guy to court.

02:40:36.000 I keep fucking having a great case.

02:40:39.000 And it keeps getting thrown out because he has so much money.

02:40:42.000 He's a Coke dealer or whatever.

02:40:43.000 That I keep getting fucked.

02:40:44.000 So I just went and killed him after Katrina.

02:40:47.000 I just fucking shot him in the head.

02:40:51.000 See you.

02:40:52.000 See you people.

02:40:53.000 Hanging's too good for you.

02:40:57.000 No, but I have an unturned stone here.

02:40:59.000 Oh, yeah.

02:41:00.000 Another thing with New Orleans where they had this crazy law that said, we guarantee you an expeditious trial.

02:41:11.000 And if you haven't seen a judge within 30 days of being arrested, you're free to go.

02:41:17.000 I actually like that.

02:41:17.000 Sounds good.

02:41:19.000 I feel like that's some kind of legislation I would come up with.

02:41:21.000 But it didn't improve the courts.

02:41:24.000 So these guys were, gangsters in New Orleans were murdering people.

02:41:28.000 And then after 30 days, they were let loose.

02:41:31.000 So they started thinking that 30 days was the sentence for murder.

02:41:37.000 So after Katrina, a lot of them went down to Houston and Austin and other cities in Texas.

02:41:43.000 And they would kill a guy and they'd be in jail.

02:41:45.000 And then after 30 days, they started banging on their cell going, hey man, what's up?

02:41:49.000 It's been 30 days.

02:41:51.000 So I'd like to get the fuck out.

02:41:53.000 I want to get out, motherfucker.

02:41:55.000 I've done my 30.

02:41:56.000 I did my month.

02:41:57.000 I did my December.

02:41:58.000 And they're like, no, you're looking at at least 15 years.

02:42:02.000 You murdered a man.

02:42:06.000 All right, next call.

02:42:07.000 This show's going long.

02:42:11.000 You're not going to see the body, you tarred.

02:42:13.000 You want to see the bodies that were under the rubble in 9-11?

02:42:17.000 Apparently it was visible, and they were urging people not to throw beads on it.

02:42:22.000 Urging people for Martineau Lardi Gras.

02:42:26.000 Don't throw beads on it.

02:42:27.000 Don't throw beads, please, guys.

02:42:30.000 Please don't play a trumpet and throw jambalaya on our dead bodies.

02:42:35.000 Justin.

02:42:36.000 How you doing?

02:42:38.000 I love New Orleans, by the way.

02:42:40.000 I'm probably going to end up there after I retire.

02:42:44.000 I'm not in New Orleans.

02:42:46.000 No, the other caller was.

02:42:50.000 You jerked.

02:42:51.000 But I'm in New Mexico.

02:42:53.000 No, thank you.

02:42:54.000 Too hot.

02:42:57.000 Oh, no.

02:42:57.000 I grew up here.

02:42:58.000 I'm a white boy, though.

02:42:59.000 I'm 6'4 ⁇ .

02:43:01.000 Still hot.

02:43:01.000 Okay.

02:43:04.000 Oh, I know.

02:43:05.000 How's the weather up there?

02:43:07.000 I have a small nose.

02:43:08.000 It's weird.

02:43:12.000 That's a t-shirt.

02:43:15.000 I just want to say that if you look at the women's pay gap, it's 77 cents on the dollar.

02:43:28.000 But if you look at it with objective value, which is what they want, that means that women are producing less value.

02:43:35.000 Look at it that way.

02:43:38.000 Yeah, that's a good point.

02:43:41.000 How about the women ruin everything and that every job they do, every workplace they're in, they just seem to ruin it by complaining all the time?

02:43:49.000 Like, look at the way I abuse Ryan.

02:43:51.000 Hello.

02:43:52.000 And I'm like, you fucking fag.

02:43:53.000 Even today, when I talk about Asian flush or whatever, some female Asian chick could use that to line her pockets for the next 10 years.

02:44:02.000 And that would be the end of this business, the end of censored.tv.

02:44:06.000 Like, they're just suicide bombers.

02:44:08.000 They come in via affirmative action.

02:44:11.000 They get everyone fired.

02:44:12.000 And then they get fired for their own incompetence.

02:44:15.000 Like fucking the woman who fired Coach D, the guy who brought that guy to the Super Bowl this Sunday in New Rochelle, that coach.

02:44:23.000 She came in as a superintendent, affirmative action hire, got him fired, and then she got fired because all the parents hated her.

02:44:32.000 I think Denine Barelli, the black chick at Seer TV, I think she had a lot to do with me getting fired.

02:44:37.000 And what happened to her?

02:44:39.000 She got fired for incompetence.

02:44:41.000 They are economic jihadists.

02:44:46.000 Well, yeah, but they're obsessed with objective value, which does not exist.

02:44:50.000 It's like if you have a water bottle in the line at the airport or a water bottle in the line of the fiery desert of Australia, it's very different.

02:44:59.000 My kingdom for a pen.

02:45:05.000 That's the long silence.

02:45:06.000 What happened?

02:45:08.000 Are you familiar with that saying?

02:45:10.000 No.

02:45:13.000 Justin, here you go.

02:45:18.000 No, the saying, my kingdom for a pen is like when you're trying to sign something important and, you know, you're like, if I was a king, I would give up the whole thing for a pen.

02:45:26.000 These calls just keep coming in.

02:45:28.000 Hey, Tom.

02:45:30.000 You dirty bastard.

02:45:34.000 Hey, you greasy Asian bastard.

02:45:36.000 How are you?

02:45:36.000 Hey, you shit-smuggling fart buggler.

02:45:41.000 Hey, you Korean Bogolgi-eating son of a bitch.

02:45:45.000 Hey, you pasty foot-stinking.

02:45:50.000 Go ahead.

02:45:52.000 Gavin, can I suggest something?

02:45:55.000 Okay, great.

02:45:59.000 and I apologize in advance, and I'm a couple years younger than you, but if you want to get strong and you want to get knock mofos out, you have to do manual labor.

02:46:12.000 Yeah, I don't...

02:46:16.000 Like, I do this show and then I lay bricks for four hours?

02:46:19.000 No, no, no.

02:46:20.000 You buy a couple acres of land out in Pennsylvania somewhere and you cut down trees.

02:46:25.000 Go Rocky IV on them.

02:46:27.000 Yeah, I live in the city.

02:46:28.000 I live in New York.

02:46:29.000 I work in Manhattan.

02:46:31.000 I go to the gym an hour and a half a day.

02:46:34.000 Thank you for your call.

02:46:35.000 Thank you for your advice.

02:46:36.000 I'm sure it's true.

02:46:38.000 I'm sure that people who do hard labor get better exercise.

02:46:42.000 Stopping cardio.

02:46:47.000 That might be our last call.

02:46:51.000 I know what he's saying.

02:46:52.000 You know what you should do?

02:46:53.000 You want better sex with your wife?

02:46:55.000 She should be a supermodel.

02:46:58.000 Okay.

02:46:59.000 Sounds great.

02:47:00.000 Roberto, talking about Ryan stuff.

02:47:02.000 Ooh, me, me.

02:47:04.000 Hey, Roberto.

02:47:05.000 It better be good.

02:47:06.000 Otherwise, I'll find you.

02:47:08.000 It's actually Norberto, so please don't pronounce my name.

02:47:14.000 I'm sure it's the first time you've ever been called Roberto, Morberto.

02:47:18.000 It's not the first time I'm being called.

02:47:18.000 You're right.

02:47:21.000 Actually, people have called me Burrito, actually.

02:47:25.000 Well, that's a better name than Morberto.

02:47:27.000 That's an improvement.

02:47:28.000 Morberto sounds like what Ernie comes up with when he misses his boyfriend.

02:47:33.000 Oh, good one, Gavin.

02:47:35.000 That's a good one.

02:47:36.000 It's such an embarrassment.

02:47:38.000 It was a fucking good one, asshole.

02:47:40.000 Ernie and Bert, he misses Bert so much.

02:47:44.000 He wants Bert dumped up.

02:47:47.000 Okay, we're good.

02:47:48.000 When people accidentally give you a better name, Roberto.

02:47:52.000 Actually, it's the shitty version of what you do.

02:47:54.000 You want a better name?

02:47:55.000 Throw a dartboard at a name book.

02:47:57.000 Yeah, give me a dartboard.

02:47:59.000 It sounds like a real name through.

02:48:02.000 It sounds like a real name fell into an active volcano.

02:48:06.000 You want a better name?

02:48:07.000 Buy some alphabet soup.

02:48:11.000 How'd you get your name by losing at Wheel of Fortune?

02:48:14.000 That was a good one, Gavin.

02:48:16.000 If you want a better name, buy some alphabet soup.

02:48:18.000 I got you.

02:48:20.000 Why I'm calling.

02:48:21.000 I just want to say, Gavin, you pretty much suck.

02:48:23.000 And the only reason I listen to the show is because of Ryan.

02:48:28.000 Wow, I'm glad I insulted you so much.

02:48:30.000 I feel bad.

02:48:32.000 Your name is awesome.

02:48:34.000 Cool.

02:48:35.000 Well, thank you for calling.

02:48:35.000 All right.

02:48:36.000 That was some great input.

02:48:37.000 Ravin is such a pussy.

02:48:39.000 And he plays Call of Duty all the time, but he never added Devil's Three-Way.

02:48:45.000 All right.

02:48:45.000 Thank you for calling, Video Game Player.

02:48:47.000 I will adjate.

02:48:48.000 I think it's great you guys play your fucking video game player.

02:48:50.000 I only played it yesterday for the first time in life.

02:48:53.000 But Gavin, I'm just wondering why, other than your wife and your abundance of children, why you don't enjoy playing video Games because they're for children.

02:49:02.000 I don't read comic books.

02:49:05.000 I don't do other kiddie things.

02:49:07.000 So, what's the difference between a comic book and a book book?

02:49:12.000 Because you're I said I don't read comic books.

02:49:14.000 A book, I don't read fiction either.

02:49:16.000 I read non-fiction books that enrich my life.

02:49:20.000 NFBs.

02:49:23.000 All right, we're good.

02:49:23.000 Thanks for calling.

02:49:24.000 You're drunk, by the way.

02:49:25.000 I'll add you.

02:49:26.000 Fucking.

02:49:28.000 All right, let's hear Andrew Breitbart.

02:49:34.000 Is that what you wanted?

02:49:36.000 That is the long one.

02:49:37.000 The whole thing.

02:49:38.000 That's the long one.

02:49:40.000 No, it's not.

02:49:41.000 Yeah, that's part.

02:49:43.000 War.

02:49:47.000 That's the long one.

02:49:49.000 Yeah.

02:49:50.000 Yeah, you cut off before war, and you said that's the long one.

02:49:53.000 No, because I got confused.

02:49:55.000 I was like, where's the rest of the word?

02:49:56.000 I thought it was like the people writing me wrong.

02:49:59.000 Yeah.

02:50:00.000 I was mistaken and you were not mistaken.

02:50:03.000 All right, let's do one more call.

02:50:05.000 All right.

02:50:05.000 We're going to throw on the towel.

02:50:07.000 And I hope you guys do my Cubist Cube Root thing because it's fucking cool.

02:50:13.000 I know it sounds gay on a show, but to be at a bar and go, to see 65,731 and go, 31.

02:50:23.000 It freaks people the fuck out.

02:50:25.000 Sasha, from Australia, or Irish Farmers, or New Holiday?

02:50:32.000 I do Irish Farmers.

02:50:34.000 I was with some Irish today.

02:50:35.000 Alright.

02:50:36.000 Hey Jesse, hello.

02:50:40.000 Mimi.

02:50:43.000 No, this one just says woman.

02:50:46.000 Hello?

02:50:48.000 I tried.

02:50:49.000 What the hell is happening?

02:50:50.000 Can I not click Irish Farmers?

02:50:53.000 Go ahead.

02:50:56.000 Go on now.

02:50:58.000 What do you got?

02:50:58.000 Come on.

02:51:00.000 That's the weirdest thing.

02:51:01.000 That didn't work.

02:51:01.000 Okay.

02:51:04.000 There you go, Jesse.

02:51:05.000 Go ahead.

02:51:06.000 Hey, Gavin, watch that Irish Farmers Lose Their Sheep video.

02:51:11.000 It's guy that's got a pretty strong Irish accent.

02:51:15.000 I think he might giggle.

02:51:21.000 Alright.

02:51:22.000 Bye-bye.

02:51:23.000 Bye-bye.

02:51:24.000 Thanks for calling.

02:51:24.000 You're drunk.

02:51:26.000 We're getting a lot of drunk callers.

02:51:28.000 You think they're all drunk and weird?

02:51:30.000 I had beers with a guy today who was in the fucking IRA.

02:51:33.000 And you know who he ran with?

02:51:35.000 Whom?

02:51:35.000 The Border Fox.

02:51:37.000 The Barter Fox.

02:51:37.000 The Barters?

02:51:39.000 The Border Fox was one of the most successful IRA criminals in the history of the IRA.

02:51:48.000 And this guy was down with them.

02:51:50.000 And I'd love to get him on the show, but you know how these guys are.

02:51:54.000 It's like all the nights of Columbus.

02:51:55.000 I go in Hell's Kitchen.

02:51:57.000 I'm like, that's a fucking insane story.

02:51:59.000 He just told me about the Westies.

02:52:01.000 Can I please get you on my show?

02:52:02.000 And they're like, no, those stories best stay in the past where they belong.

02:52:06.000 Everyone's dead.

02:52:08.000 Everyone involved is dead.

02:52:10.000 What are the cops going to do?

02:52:12.000 Bust their grandson?

02:52:14.000 Come on.

02:52:17.000 I'm not a rat.

02:52:19.000 Or sheep.

02:52:22.000 Last Saturday, Mikey Joe O'Shea brought his flock of Scotch sheep down from the mountain commonage ahead of Lamming.

02:52:28.000 He discovered over 50 were missing.

02:52:31.000 Lowing for a number of deaths and strays, Mikey is convinced over 45 sheep have been stolen.

02:52:37.000 45?

02:52:37.000 40?

02:52:38.000 45?

02:52:38.000 There'd be a full moon there about night and it should be bright out and there could anyone go up in the mountains about night, sure.

02:52:44.000 Pardon me?

02:52:45.000 There was 45 sheep missing, Mike, and the lambs and everything, the sheep, just count out the night, it'd be too many, Mike.

02:52:51.000 What?

02:52:53.000 We don't know about it, nothing.

02:52:54.000 Some sauce, you know.

02:52:56.000 Some sauce, I've been eating.

02:52:58.000 Mikey's next door neighbour says some of his sheep have also been stolen.

02:53:02.000 Come back, come back, come back.

02:53:04.000 I'm missing about 10 years.

02:53:06.000 It's not all that difficult.

02:53:07.000 All I got to do is have a good dog.

02:53:09.000 Have a good doggin'.

02:53:10.000 Go at night.

02:53:12.000 Have a good yacht.

02:53:12.000 It's a night, just put the dog around him.

02:53:14.000 Have a good dog.

02:53:15.000 Put him on a trailer and walk him.

02:53:17.000 Then, probably somebody else to pick him up.

02:53:20.000 Probably somebody else to pick him up.

02:53:21.000 Whatever he knows what he's doing.

02:53:23.000 The IFA says the theft of livestock has become a serious problem across the country in recent years, causing significant financial loss and inflicting stress and trauma on families.

02:53:33.000 How far does that go?

02:53:38.000 Grandfather was a sheep stealer.

02:53:40.000 How do you teach a dog to do anything?

02:53:43.000 It's genetic.

02:53:44.000 All right.

02:53:44.000 I like you more than a friend.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - February 01, 2020

GOML Live #32 - TRUMP RALLY

Episode Stats

Length

Words per Minute

Word Count

Sentence Count

Misogynist Sentences

Hate Speech Sentences

Summary

Transcript