Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - March 06, 2020


GOML LIVE #37 | SO YOU WANNA BE A JOURNALIST?

Topics
Lilly Singh show cancellation writing
Hosted by
Gavin McInnes
Mentioned
Gary Mention Bubba Lilly Singh Superbox Gavin Pete Buttigieg Tim Dillon Hank Johnny Apple CBD Ghostface Killer Dirty Bastard Ozzy Osbourne John Miranda Ruth Graham Copper Cab Wu-Tang Jenny Larry Ryan Katsu Rivera Naomi Schaefer-Riley and 34 more
S02E133 - SEX CHANGE [2020-03-04 - S02E133 - SEX CHANGE] S02E134 - VIRAL VIDEOS [2020-03-09 - S02E134 - VIRAL VIDEOS]

Episode Stats


Length

38 minutes

Words per minute

161.92

Word count

6,199

Sentence count

689

Harmful content

Misogyny

33

sentences flagged

Toxicity

148

sentences flagged

Hate speech

35

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

My babysitter wants to get into journalism and I thought, why not make a podcast about it? So I sat down with her for an hour to explain all the different routes you could take, and then I realized, well, well I don't personally have a babysitter, and I can do whatever I want. I can stay up all night if I want to, I can have candy for breakfast. My kid's babysitter's mom said that my babysitter is 49 and I'm 49, so I decided to make a show about it. It's called "The Journalism Episode" and it's about how to talk to someone who wants to become a journalist and how to get a job in journalism. Also, we talk about butterfingers and how you can be a professional butthole dancer if you don't have a job. And we recommend Johnny Apple CBD, which is a tincture that takes the edge off of your day and helps you sleep. You can get 20% off all your orders when you use the promo code GAVIN when you get the discount code "GAVIN" when you place your order. And then use the code "Get20% Off" to get free shipping and all the promo codes when you order. You can't ask for much more. You're not going to get more than that. Get 20% OFF when you sign up for a 20% discount when you book your first box of gummy bears. You'll get the gummies and gummies! and then you'll get free gummies, and the delicious cookies! and they'll help you take the edge of the world. by the end of the day. And then there's the most delicious cookies you can help you sleep off the day you've ever had in your life. It's like a day you'll feel like you've been dreaming of a better night. and you'll be able to sleep better than ever before you even got a chance to rest, and you won't have to go to sleep again. you'll also get the rest, you'll have the rest you can rest and you're not even have to rest and it'll be the rest of your mind, you're going to dream about it so you'll wake up so you won t have to think about it in the next day and you can dream about how good it's gonna feel like it's going to sleep in the dream you'll dream of it.

Transcript

Transcripts from "Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes" are sourced from the Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool. Explore them interactively here.
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:43.000 Man, that ghetto blaster is deteriorating. 0.98
00:00:47.000 The pause is perpetually paused.
00:00:53.000 Hello, folks.
00:00:53.000 Welcome to Get Off My Lawn.
00:00:58.000 We have a special episode today.
00:01:01.000 My babysitter's mom said that my babysitter, and I don't personally have a babysitter.
00:01:05.000 I'm 49.
00:01:06.000 I can do whatever I want.
00:01:07.000 I can stay up all night if I want to.
00:01:09.000 I can have candy for breakfast.
00:01:12.000 My kid's babysitter.
00:01:14.000 Um, wants to get into journalism.
00:01:17.000 And I thought, I would have to sit down with her for at least an hour to explain all the different routes you could take.
00:01:26.000 And then I realized, well, I'll just make that a show.
00:01:27.000 Send her the link. 0.58
00:01:29.000 So Jenny, not using your real name, this Bud's for you.
00:01:35.000 Um, do you want to talk about you screwing up there?
00:01:39.000 Uh, yeah, that's a case of the old Butterfingers.
00:01:43.000 So you're even screwing up your defense, because that's not what the term butterfingers comes from.
00:01:48.000 Is that when you drop something?
00:01:50.000 Well, yeah.
00:01:51.000 But it means your hands are slippery.
00:01:53.000 Like they have butter on them.
00:01:55.000 So you went to the wrong image at the beginning because you had butter on your fingers?
00:01:58.000 Yeah, I did a... They were slippery?
00:02:00.000 I just slipped on the butter.
00:02:01.000 I went like... That's what it sounded like.
00:02:07.000 So this will be the journalism episode.
00:02:11.000 And I think we're gonna go behind the paywall early this time, like maybe at half an hour in, at 9.30.
00:02:18.000 I gotta stop saying um.
00:02:24.000 What are you doing?
00:02:25.000 Clearing my throat.
00:02:26.000 You're not allowed to clear your throat.
00:02:27.000 I know, earlier today.
00:02:28.000 God, we're in the car, it was like Baba Booey. 1.00
00:02:33.000 So basically, he was trying to pitch me, I was going to Skank Fest.
00:02:37.000 Yes.
00:02:38.000 Which is like $750 in tickets and then another $750 for playing in a hotel, even though it's sold out. 0.99
00:02:45.000 So I'd have to kiss their ass to get something. 0.99
00:02:47.000 And I go, I don't really get what's in it for us. 1.00
00:02:50.000 Interviews with a bunch of comedians?
00:02:52.000 Yeah.
00:02:53.000 Well, that's assuming they would do interviews with me.
00:02:55.000 I'm not going to fly down there to get a hot commodity like Joe List on the show.
00:03:02.000 You know what I mean?
00:03:03.000 Well, you could get Gomez and Dave Smith.
00:03:06.000 Yeah, I could get them in New York.
00:03:08.000 They all live in New York.
00:03:09.000 Tim Dillon.
00:03:10.000 Tim Dillon?
00:03:11.000 Okay.
00:03:12.000 Let me fly to Houston, Texas to talk to Tim Dillon.
00:03:15.000 I think that could be the angle right there.
00:03:16.000 I'd much rather go to LA and get all the Tim Dillons.
00:03:21.000 Anyway, before we get started...
00:03:24.000 Ouch.
00:03:24.000 I cannot recommend Johnny Apple CBD enough.
00:03:29.000 What is Johnny Apple CBD?
00:03:30.000 What is CBD?
00:03:32.000 Well, basically, it's hemp without the THC.
00:03:36.000 So you don't get high, but you get all the good stuff.
00:03:40.000 Remember all these people who complain about pot being illegal?
00:03:44.000 I think most of them would be happy with CBD.
00:03:49.000 Um, now it's- it's many different things.
00:03:52.000 Maybe we should cut to the site.
00:03:53.000 There's the tincture that we use in our coffee to take the edge off.
00:03:58.000 There is the... topical, the cream that I use. 0.99
00:04:03.000 I was working out- God, will you stop fucking up, please, Butters? 0.99
00:04:08.000 Um... 0.99
00:04:09.000 I don't know what happened to my arm.
00:04:11.000 It's taking me about 30 seconds to get out of bed these days.
00:04:14.000 This is what it's like boxing as a 49 year old.
00:04:17.000 I'm skipping rope on, ow!
00:04:20.000 I'm skipping rope on Monday to warm up as one does, and then I just get shot in the back with a tranquilizer dart and have to stumble to a chair, just like someone had knocked a window on me, like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
00:04:34.000 I wasn't even doing that much exercise.
00:04:36.000 I was just jumping up and down.
00:04:38.000 Then sparring on Wednesday, wore this whole thing out.
00:04:43.000 You know, like in the Avengers, the arm that that guy has, Mr. Winter Solstice or whatever?
00:04:50.000 I feel like this isn't mine.
00:04:51.000 This is so beaten up and stuff.
00:04:53.000 It's Winter Soldier.
00:04:56.000 So what do you do for that?
00:04:57.000 You use the Johnny Apple CBD Topical.
00:05:00.000 You get that on there.
00:05:02.000 We also have the gummy bears.
00:05:04.000 The gummies that help you sleep.
00:05:07.000 They really take the edge off.
00:05:10.000 And then there's the delicious cookies right up there.
00:05:12.000 So go to JohnnyApple.com.
00:05:15.000 Are you sure that's the URL?
00:05:17.000 Yeah.
00:05:17.000 So it's JohnnyApple.com.
00:05:19.000 The company is JohnnyAppleCBD.
00:05:23.000 And of course the pun there is JohnnyAppleSeed, right?
00:05:27.000 And use the promo code GAVIN.
00:05:30.000 You get 20% off all orders when you use the promo code GAVIN.
00:05:35.000 And free shipping, by the way.
00:05:38.000 So use the promo code Gavin, go to jacbd.com or johnnyapple.com and try it.
00:05:44.000 Try the, try the topical on your sore muscles.
00:05:46.000 And I've, I've already noticed a difference over the past day and a half just using them on my weird arm.
00:05:53.000 I use them literally every time I have coffee because jitters were a problem.
00:05:53.000 I love the tinctures.
00:05:58.000 Oh, thank God you said literally.
00:05:59.000 I'm so sick of people using that as a metaphor.
00:06:02.000 This is what it looks like.
00:06:04.000 How about I use them every time I have coffee?
00:06:06.000 I use them every time I have coffee.
00:06:09.000 Wait, literally?
00:06:10.000 Literally.
00:06:11.000 They have new flavors though, which is interesting.
00:06:12.000 They have vanilla, strawberry, and original.
00:06:16.000 We're supposed to wear the shirt.
00:06:18.000 The sponsor guy told us to wear the shirt.
00:06:19.000 I'm not wearing the shirt.
00:06:20.000 I forgot the shirt.
00:06:22.000 Is it here?
00:06:22.000 I don't think so.
00:06:23.000 I'm not wearing the shirt.
00:06:24.000 Maybe yours is.
00:06:25.000 That's not my, I don't know.
00:06:26.000 I appreciate the shirt.
00:06:27.000 I'm happy to plug Johnny Apple CBD, and I love that they're a sponsor of the show, but no, I'm not doing that.
00:06:34.000 Speaking of the show, before we get into my kooky fun idea, we had a great week here.
00:06:40.000 I went through how to do a sex change in elaborate detail. 0.99
00:06:46.000 It's remarkably complicated to make a vagina. 1.00
00:06:51.000 Wow. 0.99
00:06:52.000 You know what the weirdest part I thought was? 0.96
00:06:54.000 When you're making a clitoris, the way you just carve away the head. 1.00
00:06:58.000 Like, when they cut the bag and they take the balls out, you can kind of... like, that makes sense to me. 0.99
00:07:05.000 Right?
00:07:07.000 That seems like an awesome thing to do.
00:07:09.000 But the way they carve the edge of the bell end just off, there's no rhyme or reason to it.
00:07:15.000 Like, even... I'm against circumcision, but even when you see it done, you go, oh, I get it. 0.66
00:07:20.000 That piece comes off.
00:07:22.000 Like, if you were to cut your earlobes off.
00:07:24.000 Okay, I get it. 0.99
00:07:25.000 But, like, this clit thing, it would be like cutting the tip of your nose off. 1.00
00:07:29.000 Don't show it. 0.99
00:07:29.000 Don't show it. 0.99
00:07:31.000 We'll get banned from YouTube.
00:07:33.000 Just remember the YouTube episode.
00:07:34.000 Ouchie. 0.99
00:07:37.000 We made fun of, uh... We made fun of animals, again, because they're losers. 0.97
00:07:45.000 And we had Copper Cab on, losing his temper, freaking out, as is his want. 0.83
00:07:49.000 Copper Cab's show, by the way, episode three just came out this week, where he's just constantly eating.
00:07:55.000 And there's always like a weird dildo in the background. 0.95
00:07:57.000 We're not sure what's going on with him, but we know he likes to stuff his face. 0.74
00:08:01.000 That's all he lives for, which is why when he arrived here for the fight, he called me and said, uh, Hey man, no one was here to pick us up.
00:08:10.000 I go,
00:08:12.000 Yeah, I got you a driver.
00:08:13.000 Well, he didn't come meet us.
00:08:14.000 Well, he's there.
00:08:15.000 Okay?
00:08:16.000 Use your phone.
00:08:17.000 Call him.
00:08:17.000 I'll make sure he meets you.
00:08:19.000 Okay, but he... and then he calls me right back.
00:08:20.000 Okay, we have the driver here.
00:08:22.000 We have no money.
00:08:23.000 He didn't have any money for us.
00:08:25.000 How am I supposed to get money to a driver?
00:08:27.000 Like, you call the car service.
00:08:29.000 If I have to get the money to the driver, I might as well just pick you up.
00:08:32.000 I go, what do you need money for?
00:08:32.000 He goes, oh, uh, well, there's the per diem and also I need food money.
00:08:36.000 Anyway, I've told you that story a hundred times.
00:08:38.000 Um...
00:08:39.000 And then we have a new episode of Gary's Mailbag coming out this Saturday.
00:08:42.000 I think we're going to leapfrog them.
00:08:45.000 So Larry one weekend, Gary the next weekend.
00:08:47.000 Larry one weekend, Gary the next weekend.
00:08:49.000 Because it's a lot of work for an old, old man who's essentially retired.
00:08:54.000 Meaning me.
00:08:56.000 But someone did a video letter.
00:08:58.000 Thank you for sending in your video letters and please continue to send them.
00:09:02.000 To Mailbag at censored.tv, but make sure you put in the subject.
00:09:07.000 What is it now?
00:09:08.000 Gary or Gary video questions.
00:09:11.000 Yeah, anything Gary, Gary video, uh, letter or whatever. 0.98
00:09:16.000 But some guy called, uh, videoed in and said, can you tell that fucking millionaire who gets paid to talk? 0.95
00:09:23.000 Uh, that it's anthropomorphize, not anthropomorphicize. 0.95
00:09:29.000 And so Gary and I went back and forth, and I was like, oh, I get it now.
00:09:32.000 It's anthropomorphize.
00:09:33.000 And he's like, anthropomorphize.
00:09:35.000 Anthropomorphize.
00:09:36.000 Anthropomorphize.
00:09:38.000 We did it back and forth maybe 20 times.
00:09:40.000 He really didn't know.
00:09:41.000 And he just goes, I can't do it anymore.
00:09:43.000 He doesn't enjoy his job.
00:09:45.000 Gary.
00:09:46.000 He wants his money, he wants to go buy lunch or whatever with the money, and then he wants to get the hell out of there.
00:09:52.000 He does not enjoy being there.
00:09:54.000 So when I asked him, one of the letters was, what's Wu-Tang's, what is the best solo album after Wu-Tang?
00:09:59.000 Which is a great question.
00:10:00.000 I mean, it's obviously not U-God, it's going to be, and I don't mean you personally, God, if you're watching the show, I mean the rapper U-God.
00:10:09.000 It's gotta be Ghostface Killer, Raekwon, or Old Dirty Bastard, right?
00:10:14.000 That Gizza Rizza stuff is just production work.
00:10:18.000 But as far as, like, albums standalone, only built for Cuban links, and then, uh, Ghostface Killer had a bunch, right?
00:10:24.000 Mm-hmm.
00:10:27.000 And then Old Dirty Bastard had his kooky gimmick albums.
00:10:30.000 The Weird Al Yankovic of the Wu-Tang Clan.
00:10:33.000 He likes it raw.
00:10:35.000 I really like the Ghostface Killer song, Daytona 500.
00:10:38.000 Do-doon, doon, doon, do-doon, doon, meow!
00:10:41.000 Do-doon, doon, doon, do-doon, doon, meow!
00:10:45.000 But when you look at the lyrics, you go, do these guys really believe what they're saying?
00:10:52.000 Does this mean, look at the lyrics for Daytona 500 Ghostface Killer.
00:10:57.000 I once had the cartoonist Mark Bell draw a comic of it because it was so unbelievable.
00:11:02.000 What are you doing?
00:11:04.000 Because you said comic.
00:11:05.000 So I was like, what?
00:11:09.000 Okay.
00:11:11.000 Okay, so not that.
00:11:12.000 So it starts... What are you talking about?
00:11:14.000 Okay, I got that.
00:11:33.000 He had sugar in his ear in his last crack career.
00:11:35.000 What?
00:11:36.000 He smuggled crack in his ears? 0.57
00:11:38.000 We can manhandle him, manhandle him, if you wanna run his crib-o, get ditto, skate like a limo. 0.52
00:11:44.000 What are you talking about?
00:11:48.000 That's just gibberish, right?
00:11:50.000 There's no message there.
00:11:52.000 And if it's an inside joke, it's an inside joke with himself.
00:11:58.000 Anyway.
00:12:00.000 Um... And then, um...
00:12:03.000 John Miranda had a cool thing about Ozzy Osbourne and Pete Buttigieg.
00:12:09.000 Butt-a-jig? 1.00
00:12:10.000 Butt-a-yig. 1.00
00:12:11.000 He says it.
00:12:12.000 Yeah, he mumbles that guy.
00:12:14.000 He doesn't enunciate.
00:12:15.000 Butt-a-yig. 1.00
00:12:16.000 I have a problem with Pete Buttigieg.
00:12:16.000 Butt-a-yig.
00:12:21.000 Pete Buttigieg?
00:12:23.000 Gidge?
00:12:25.000 John had a good point though. 0.99
00:12:26.000 He said no one's gonna vote for a gay president. 0.93
00:12:29.000 Ever. 0.99
00:12:31.000 And when you say that, people think that you have a problem with a gay president. 0.98
00:12:35.000 No. 0.88
00:12:36.000 No, we're talking about all of America.
00:12:38.000 The idea of two men 69ing in the White House is something that the boomers will never be able to handle. 0.99
00:12:45.000 So, you better wait till millennials are the majority before you run a gay. 1.00
00:12:49.000 Why are you gay? 1.00
00:12:52.000 Alright. 0.97
00:12:55.000 Oh, see, we're already 15 minutes in.
00:12:57.000 And if we're going to cut out in half an hour, we already have to read the second sponsor.
00:13:01.000 Which is?
00:13:03.000 Which is BetDSI.
00:13:07.000 Yeah.
00:13:07.000 Is it?
00:13:09.000 You thought it was Bubba and Hank's.
00:13:11.000 Yes.
00:13:12.000 Nope.
00:13:12.000 That's not the email that I got?
00:13:15.000 Mention Bubba and Hank's giveaway on the big show and tell audience that one value subscriber is getting a buttload of FDA meats from Bubba and Hank's, because that's a Gavin certified
00:13:25.000 Uh, beef.
00:13:26.000 Yeah, why does he have the mid-rolls, Bette Desaim?
00:13:28.000 We don't get to mention Bubba and Hanks.
00:13:30.000 Oh, we talk about Bubba and Hanks after the paywall.
00:13:34.000 So don't you people who are watching this for free go to Bubba and Hanks and check out their delicious beef.
00:13:39.000 Don't.
00:13:40.000 That would be terrible.
00:13:42.000 So, BetTSI is what we use to bet on sporting events.
00:13:47.000 You can bet on pretty much everything.
00:13:49.000 March Madness is here.
00:13:51.000 If you want to make some money with me, use the promo code GAVIN.
00:13:55.000 You make a deposit, you start winning for free.
00:14:00.000 I have a special offer for my listeners.
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00:14:15.000 Me and BetTSI will match you up to $1,000.
00:14:21.000 Plus, my listeners get a $25 bonus to test the waters.
00:14:23.000 You deposit $100, me and Betteas, I give you another $120, plus my exclusive $25 bonus, which brings you to $145.
00:14:34.000 Wait a minute, that brings you to $245.
00:14:36.000 If you deposit $500, you're gonna get another $600, plus my exclusive $25 bonus, and so on.
00:14:42.000 Deposit $1,000, you get a box of ziti.
00:14:44.000 It's a very difficult situation.
00:14:45.000 Easy.
00:14:46.000 Easy.
00:14:48.000 I would recommend that you bet on the Mets winning because they are already in spring training making a name for themselves.
00:14:54.000 This is going to be a different year.
00:14:57.000 Mets used to mean must end the season.
00:14:59.000 Now it stands for must eventually tick off the Superbox.
00:15:08.000 I don't watch much baseball but is Superbox a thing?
00:15:11.000 Superbox is the top box when you're betting on the World Series.
00:15:16.000 So that is a thing?
00:15:17.000 Yes.
00:15:18.000 I didn't just make it up.
00:15:20.000 BetTSI.com slash Gavin promo code.
00:15:22.000 You don't mind if I Google it?
00:15:24.000 Uh, there's no time.
00:15:25.000 There's... No, there's no time.
00:15:27.000 We're shooting the show, so... You're the boss.
00:15:29.000 We've got to plow forward.
00:15:30.000 You can look up Superbox maybe... I already typed it in.
00:15:33.000 ...in three weeks.
00:15:33.000 Might as well just... I like BetTSI more than a friend.
00:15:38.000 Alright.
00:15:40.000 We've only got a few minutes left.
00:15:42.000 So, Jenny.
00:15:45.000 I thought this was a very interesting question. 0.98
00:15:47.000 Now, first let me start with if someone asked me that I didn't give a shit about. 0.97
00:15:51.000 And I truly care about my babysitter. 0.99
00:15:53.000 She got a lot of, back when the shit was hitting the fan, she was pressured to quit her job. 0.98
00:15:57.000 Even her boyfriend, I think her boyfriend dumped her for not quitting her job. 0.99
00:16:00.000 That's the rumor I heard.
00:16:02.000 She refused to quit.
00:16:03.000 She also deals with some abuse.
00:16:06.000 Because my youngest boy, I think he has a strong alpha gene. 1.00
00:16:10.000 And he sees her, not just as his girlfriend, but as his bitch. 0.99
00:16:16.000 So he doesn't like when other people talk to her. 0.99
00:16:20.000 He doesn't understand why I pay her.
00:16:21.000 That's my girlfriend. 1.00
00:16:22.000 What are you doing? 0.93
00:16:24.000 And sometimes he'll be kind of shitty to her.
00:16:27.000 Like they'll be drawing together and then she'll show him the drawing and he'll go, yeah, that's okay. 0.84
00:16:35.000 He's nagging her?
00:16:36.000 Yeah, he's nagging her. 1.00
00:16:37.000 You got to keep your bitch on a short leash. 1.00
00:16:43.000 That's the guy. 1.00
00:16:44.000 You may know him from how to fight a baby.
00:16:48.000 He said to me in the car today, coming back from boxing, he goes, uh, he said, uh, Hey dad, I heard that video I'm in has more likes than guava juice.
00:17:00.000 Cause they all have their little YouTubers, right?
00:17:01.000 And the kids love guava juice.
00:17:03.000 Oh yeah.
00:17:04.000 Okay.
00:17:04.000 That's their guy.
00:17:05.000 He's like this little Asian dude who does very clean humor.
00:17:10.000 Yeah, he'll eat like a pool-sized jello and stuff like that.
00:17:15.000 I love candy.
00:17:16.000 2.1 million views.
00:17:18.000 Hey, I cut my shoe in half.
00:17:21.000 Look at the smallest spam.
00:17:22.000 See, this is the problem with what's-her-name, Lilly Singh. 1.00
00:17:26.000 They saw that with Lilly Singh and they went, 2.1 million views? 0.98
00:17:30.000 If we got that on TV, we'd be kicking ass. 0.97
00:17:33.000 So they give her a talk show. 0.98
00:17:35.000 And she continues to do what she does, which is pander to 12-year-olds. 0.95
00:17:39.000 And 12-year-olds are not watching TV at 3 in the morning whenever she's on.
00:17:43.000 So her show is a complete flop based on some retarded TV exec who assumed that kid YouTube is the same as adult late-night TV. 0.99
00:17:54.000 Welcome to the brown barf. 0.99
00:17:56.000 Welcome to the brown barf. 0.99
00:17:58.000 How to deal with brown people part 2. 1.00
00:18:00.000 Jesus.
00:18:01.000 So she goes from- Brown. 0.98
00:18:02.000 I hate brown. 0.94
00:18:03.000 Yeah. 0.99
00:18:04.000 Oh, you got- it's always said in this sort of ostentatious way, like, oh, you have a problem with brown people?
00:18:11.000 I find myself using it just to speak their language, like that Proud Boy who got away because the DA couldn't use the white power narrative.
00:18:18.000 I often say, yeah, they didn't like it because he was brown.
00:18:23.000 Oh, her show's canceled. 0.91
00:18:24.000 Her show's canceled already? 0.80
00:18:25.000 It says one week ago, Lilly Singh's show is canceled.
00:18:28.000 I don't know if that's true.
00:18:30.000 But, let's see.
00:18:32.000 Oh no, it was confirmed.
00:18:33.000 Lilly Singh is just being cancelled from this other person.
00:18:36.000 How long was that on?
00:18:38.000 God, it was so bad!
00:18:39.000 One season, yeah.
00:18:42.000 Okay, anyway. 0.99
00:18:43.000 So let's start with someone I don't give a shit about. 0.99
00:18:45.000 Right? 0.99
00:18:46.000 Julie.
00:18:47.000 I would say, do not go to journalism school. 0.99
00:18:50.000 That piece of advice is for everyone from people I don't give a shit about to people I give a shit about. 0.99
00:18:58.000 Journalism school 1.00
00:19:00.000 School in general makes you stupider than when you went in. 0.99
00:19:04.000 You should always do a trade, unless it's STEM, right? 0.98
00:19:07.000 Unless you're gonna become a chemist or an engineer or a biochemist, by all means, you should go to school.
00:19:12.000 If you're sort of like, um, maybe I'll take speech pathology?
00:19:16.000 Or mass comm?
00:19:18.000 Or in my case, English literature?
00:19:21.000 What?
00:19:22.000 Don't do it. 1.00
00:19:23.000 You're not even, it's not even like I, I took, I have a BA in English for some stupid reason. 0.97
00:19:28.000 Um, even though I already spoke it when I went in. 0.91
00:19:32.000 But they give you this syllabus of Charles Dickens and Emily Bronte and all this crap, boring soap opera shit from the turn of the century, and then a teacher tells you how to interpret it.
00:19:44.000 So now you're experiencing the books less than you would on your own. 0.95
00:19:47.000 They're telling you how to think, how to enjoy a piece of art.
00:19:51.000 Now you're getting less out of the art. 1.00
00:19:52.000 You have to go through their fucking eyeballs. 1.00
00:19:55.000 Anyway. 1.00
00:19:56.000 You don't need to go a quarter of a million dollars in debt for that.
00:19:59.000 And with journalism school, it's not like the 50s where they teach you the five W's, right?
00:20:03.000 Who, what, when, where, why.
00:20:05.000 Now they just teach you hegemony and inclusion and fighting white supremacy and blah, blah, blah. 1.00
00:20:11.000 So you come out stupid. 1.00
00:20:14.000 You come out not even stupid, but like a Klingon. 1.00
00:20:17.000 You speak a different language than anyone else in the world. 1.00
00:20:20.000 So do not do that.
00:20:22.000 The best way to work
00:20:24.000 To become a journalist is to choose what kind of journalist you want.
00:20:29.000 You want to be.
00:20:31.000 Now...
00:20:33.000 Figure that out, say it's Vice, then go to Vice as an intern and just be around.
00:20:40.000 Do the shittiest job you possibly... By the way, the advice I'm giving right now is for both the people I care about and the people I don't care about.
00:20:46.000 I'm gonna add an extra layer when we get into people I care about, but I'm just telling you the basics now. 0.99
00:20:51.000 So you go to this salon, slate, whatever the fuck it is, Huffington Post, and you're an intern there. 0.70
00:20:57.000 And what you have to understand as an intern is it's an initiation. 0.98
00:21:01.000 When the guy started the company, like when I started Vice, I had to carry the garbage out, right?
00:21:07.000 That we didn't come with a garbage man or a maid or even an accountant.
00:21:10.000 We all had to do those jobs. 1.00
00:21:12.000 So when you start out, we want to punish you and make you experience the same kind of bullshit. 1.00
00:21:17.000 So that means take the garbage out. 1.00
00:21:18.000 I'll never forget this black girl who was an intern for us at Vice. 1.00
00:21:23.000 And I was giving her the normal shitty jobs I give everyone. 0.91
00:21:26.000 And these interns, these millennials, they have this hubris where they want to start just writing a cover story and then being a photographer too. 0.93
00:21:34.000 And I want to design uniforms for the revolution.
00:21:38.000 So I give her shitty jobs and she quits after three days and I found a crumpled up note inside the intern desk and it said, why do they keep giving? 0.81
00:21:47.000 It was all written on a post-it note. 0.87
00:21:49.000 That have been crumpled up.
00:21:50.000 So it took tiny writing. 0.98
00:21:52.000 I said, why do they keep giving me these shitty jobs? 0.94
00:21:54.000 Surely 400 years of history has taught them that I'm worth more. 0.99
00:22:00.000 Crumpled up. 0.99
00:22:02.000 So I unraveled it and I just went, yeah, it's cause you're black. 1.00
00:22:06.000 I was like, Hey, colored girl, you take out the garbage. 1.00
00:22:06.000 It wasn't 400 years. 1.00
00:22:10.000 I'm going to give the cool jobs to the white interns because we live in a fucking movie. 1.00
00:22:16.000 By the way, I just got a mail from some liberal saying, didn't you start Vice with a government grant? 1.00
00:22:20.000 You're a fucking hypocrite. 1.00
00:22:22.000 You say you're against the government, then you take... I've explained this many, many times. 1.00
00:22:26.000 Here's the deal.
00:22:29.000 When you're living in Quebec, you're living in Russia. 0.97
00:22:32.000 It's a communist state, and English people may not work.
00:22:38.000 You cannot get a job in Quebec, not just if you're not bilingual, but if you have an accent in French, as I did, as my friends did. 0.99
00:22:45.000 So we would do things like we were bike messengers under the table, and stuff like that. 0.99
00:22:49.000 You'd wash dishes, do shit. 0.93
00:22:51.000 Or you would tree plant in the, uh, in the spring, and then save that money for the rest of the year, because Montreal was very cheap. 0.99
00:23:01.000 However, they did have an out.
00:23:03.000 There was one out, one crack in the pavement, and that was these make work programs.
00:23:09.000 So, you would act like you had Down Syndrome or something, and you'd cross your eyes, and you'd go to the welfare place, write out the forms with your left hand, get on welfare, and then there'd be a program to get you off welfare, right?
00:23:24.000 And this off-welfare thing was a magazine called Image, no, a company called Image Interculturelle, which was a big welfare hodgepodge scam system where Haitians were ripping people off, pretending they cared about diversity. 1.00
00:23:38.000 Meanwhile, if you're a Haitian and you're living in Montreal at the time, you were rich enough to get out of that shithole country. 1.00
00:23:42.000 So you're an aristocrat.
00:23:44.000 And all you cared about was classical music and tea.
00:23:48.000 So we got on that bandwagon.
00:23:51.000 Put out the magazine, started making it our own.
00:23:53.000 We didn't, it was supposed to be a diversity calendar.
00:23:55.000 We made it about punk bands and stuff.
00:23:57.000 And then we had to free ourselves from that. 1.00
00:23:59.000 So that involved paying back our debt to that stupid grant, not grant, that welfare program. 0.99
00:24:06.000 And we had to pay them like 35 grand or something. 0.98
00:24:08.000 And eventually, and we changed the name from Voice of Montreal to Vice.
00:24:11.000 And that's how we started the company.
00:24:12.000 So it was not because of a government grant.
00:24:16.000 It was despite.
00:24:19.000 The government welfare socialist culture at the time.
00:24:24.000 Think of it more as escaping from Cuba in a raft.
00:24:28.000 It wasn't like someone helping us going, here, here's some money, make a magazine.
00:24:32.000 Oh, thank you.
00:24:33.000 Thank you for this grant money, government.
00:24:35.000 You did a great job of helping us.
00:24:37.000 No.
00:24:38.000 Anyway, sorry.
00:24:39.000 That's a tangent.
00:24:43.000 And it's covered in my hit novel, Death of Cool.
00:24:47.000 So, the thing about being an intern is, you just skulk around, you take out the garbage, you mop, do whatever you can.
00:24:54.000 It's still way better than school.
00:24:56.000 And plus, even when you're doing that shitty work, you're seeing people mill around and you're seeing how a magazine works.
00:25:02.000 You're seeing who works hard, who doesn't, who gets the good stories, who...
00:25:07.000 Who gets the good stories in that they're given to them.
00:25:10.000 Hey, can you go interview Ozzy Osbourne?
00:25:12.000 And who gets the good stories in that they provide them.
00:25:16.000 Oh, I know this guy in France who just bought a dirty bomb and then ran away because he didn't want to have a nuclear bomb. 0.92
00:25:22.000 Wow.
00:25:22.000 Thank you for that scoop.
00:25:23.000 That's a hell of a scoop.
00:25:27.000 And you see the way they behave.
00:25:28.000 You also see if this is for you.
00:25:31.000 You know, writing is hard.
00:25:33.000 It's,
00:25:34.000 That's a whole other show, but the thing about writing is you have to learn to convey a simple point, like trans athletes are ruining women's sports. 1.00
00:25:47.000 You have to have that as your hypothesis, and you have to nail it quickly.
00:25:53.000 In the opening paragraph, just nail it.
00:25:55.000 Get it out there.
00:25:57.000 And be done in less than 3,000 words.
00:25:59.000 3,000 words is a massive cover story.
00:26:01.000 If you have a good point, you should be able to hone it down to 800.
00:26:05.000 Maybe 1,000.
00:26:05.000 And then you have your conclusion at the end.
00:26:08.000 Bing, bang, boom.
00:26:09.000 Men tend to be better at that kind of writing than women because it's mathematical. 0.99
00:26:16.000 It's the same reason men make better directors.
00:26:20.000 When you're directing a movie, you have to remember we need the scene from this angle, this angle, this angle.
00:26:25.000 We have to make sure this is explained.
00:26:28.000 If this scene isn't working, I have to cut it.
00:26:29.000 We were just looking at Charlie's Angels today with Elizabeth Banks.
00:26:33.000 Who wrote and directed and produced, and God, she's just, she did a terrible job. 0.98
00:26:38.000 How dare you! 1.00
00:26:39.000 She made a movie to show how much girls rock, and it showed how much girls suck. 1.00
00:26:45.000 Including the scene at the beginning where Kristen Stewart is standing on a helicopter going, bye! 0.98
00:26:49.000 And you think, that, any normal man would have said, well that scene didn't work.
00:26:54.000 It looks like it was done by Ryan Ketsu Rivera.
00:26:59.000 The animation is as good as our mailbag animation.
00:27:05.000 The other thing about being a writer is you have to read your article like 50 times.
00:27:11.000 So when you're too verbose, I find what women do generally. 1.00
00:27:14.000 Now, again, I have to add this caveat that most of my top favorite magazine writers, column writers, are women. 1.00
00:27:20.000 Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin, Naomi Schafer-Riley, Carol Markowitz, Makowicz, that weird Russian chick at New York Post. 0.79
00:27:28.000 I enjoy all of them very much.
00:27:30.000 Laura Hillerbrand, one of my favorite book writers.
00:27:33.000 Is she up here?
00:27:35.000 That is a crazy Dinesh, thinks he's a dode.
00:27:41.000 But yeah, those are the exceptions that make the rule.
00:27:44.000 Generally, they tend to do too much research, and then just yammer on, like I'm doing right now.
00:27:52.000 And the thing I used to always tell young writers is, don't do the red book.
00:27:57.000 Do la livre rouge.
00:27:59.000 Now, in English, when you're saying
00:28:02.000 The French way is la livre, right?
00:28:03.000 They say book first.
00:28:26.000 And then they say rouge.
00:28:27.000 So you fill in the book red.
00:28:29.000 Start with what you need.
00:28:30.000 I would say 800 word piece.
00:28:32.000 So I'm not going to get too elaborate.
00:28:32.000 All right.
00:28:34.000 It's too small. 0.89
00:28:35.000 Now, a perfect example of women being inept when it comes to writing, and I'm sorry to spend so much time on this, Jen, is find that article. 1.00
00:28:43.000 Was it in Slate about the Bible that bleeds oil? 0.99
00:28:47.000 This is the perfect example of women who shouldn't write. 1.00
00:28:50.000 Someone who probably would have been much happier at home.
00:28:54.000 So she finds out.
00:28:56.000 What's her name now?
00:29:00.000 Ruth Graham.
00:29:01.000 Ruth Graham discovers that in the second most uneducated town in America, the least degrees, so a working class, sad, derelict town, a small town in Georgia, she discovers that some senior citizens down there are convinced a Bible bleeds oil.
00:29:22.000 Well, let me get down there to debunk that myth and show these 87 year olds that they're, look at it, look at him.
00:29:28.000 So she flies down, she must've been there for two weeks. 0.63
00:29:31.000 She flies down there to tell these people, do tons of research.
00:29:34.000 She discovers, of course, that the Bible that bleeds oil, that oil was actually coming from a tractor supply store and the guy with the magic Bible was cheating.
00:29:41.000 Whoa.
00:29:43.000 Watergate.
00:29:44.000 Watergate. 0.83
00:29:45.000 So it's a silly, irrelevant story.
00:29:47.000 The editor should have said, I'm not going to go pick on some old people in a small town and tell them that leprechauns don't exist. 1.00
00:29:52.000 What a waste of fucking time. 0.98
00:29:54.000 But go, go to the top of the article. 0.99
00:29:58.000 Look how fucking long this is. 0.82
00:30:01.000 Okay. 0.98
00:30:01.000 Scroll down. 0.98
00:30:05.000 Circumcise your point, my dear.
00:30:08.000 It goes on and on and on and what is the point of this? 0.99
00:30:14.000 That uneducated geriatrics occasionally believe bullshit? 1.00
00:30:18.000 Wow! 1.00
00:30:20.000 Who knew? 1.00
00:30:21.000 She of course tries to extrapolate that Trump supporters and Christians in general are assholes, but that doesn't work. 0.98
00:30:31.000 Anyway, sorry, that was a long tangent to say, and we're going to go behind the paywall soon, and we'll be taking calls at ten, to say that when you're sitting there as an intern, you're going to see other people working, and you're going to see them stressed out, and you'll wonder, is this really for me? 0.98
00:30:49.000 And if you're a woman, I'd say the odds are 80% it's not. 1.00
00:30:56.000 A fucking woman, boss? 1.00
00:31:01.000 But, um, and I'm sorry, Jen, if this sounds discouraging, but, like, I'm probably not cut out for fashion design. 1.00
00:31:08.000 That doesn't mean there's not exceptions to the rule.
00:31:10.000 And again, most of my top writers are female. 1.00
00:31:13.000 But I'm talking to you here on a human level.
00:31:16.000 By the way, that's going to get us YouTube annihilated. 0.97
00:31:18.000 No, those little clips?
00:31:20.000 Yes, they're breathing down my throat.
00:31:25.000 Now, here's what happens as an intern.
00:31:27.000 Inevitably, they're going to press 0.99
00:31:29.000 And, oh shit, they don't... Did they call back with that CD review? 0.99
00:31:34.000 Yeah, he's AWOL. 0.99
00:31:35.000 We can't find him, but we definitely... They're advertising with it, so we definitely need the review.
00:31:39.000 Fuckin'... Hey, you! 1.00
00:31:42.000 Me? 1.00
00:31:42.000 What? 1.00
00:31:43.000 Yeah.
00:31:43.000 Taking out the garbage?
00:31:44.000 Do you know anything about TripHop?
00:31:47.000 Or, uh, Skrillex or whatever?
00:31:49.000 Uh, no?
00:31:51.000 Uh, yes, yes.
00:31:52.000 Just say yes.
00:31:53.000 Always say yes.
00:31:54.000 And can you pound this out?
00:31:56.000 We need it in like two hours.
00:31:58.000 It only has to be like a hundred words.
00:31:59.000 Just say what you think of it.
00:32:00.000 Okay.
00:32:00.000 Here's what you got to do.
00:32:01.000 This is the secret to success.
00:32:04.000 There are times in your life where you're going to be handed an opportunity.
00:32:08.000 That's a tiny little window into, it's a portal into your future.
00:32:14.000 Take the crowbar when that happens, jam it in the hole and then pry it open.
00:32:22.000 And try to keep it open as long as you can! 0.99
00:32:26.000 So when you get that assignment, research the shit out of that band. 0.98
00:32:30.000 Research the background. 0.99
00:32:31.000 Where are they coming from?
00:32:32.000 Cram it all in.
00:32:33.000 Also have a new angle.
00:32:35.000 Like, I'm done with East Coast music.
00:32:38.000 The West Coast keeps providing blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:32:41.000 And these guys.
00:32:42.000 It's fun, and they're irreverent, and they have a sense of humor, but some sort of overall point.
00:32:46.000 You know, you have to squeeze that hypothesis, supporting paragraphs, and conclusion all in that little hundred word blip.
00:32:53.000 But really nail it.
00:32:56.000 And then they'll go, huh, that was kind of weird, and funny, and smart.
00:33:02.000 I like you.
00:33:03.000 Now you're going to have more opportunities.
00:33:05.000 The classic example I always use with the crowbar is Ryan McGinley, the photographer.
00:33:09.000 He got a gig very early on. 0.99
00:33:10.000 I think he was still in photography school, which is a stupid waste of time. 0.92
00:33:15.000 And I think he'd been in Vice a few times. 0.90
00:33:18.000 The New York Times was always poaching our contributors.
00:33:20.000 And the New York Times mag hired him to do pictures of the Olympic swim team.
00:33:27.000 They only needed like two.
00:33:29.000 So he could have just gone and handed them in the two pictures and they would have went, alright, Ryan's okay.
00:33:34.000 He went mental.
00:33:36.000 He rented all these underwater cameras with these weird filters on them.
00:33:40.000 He took roll after roll of film.
00:33:43.000 You should be looking at New York Times Magazine, Ryan McGinley, Olympic swimmers.
00:33:48.000 Are you?
00:33:48.000 Yeah.
00:33:50.000 Or are you just looking up Olympic swimmers?
00:33:52.000 No, Ryan McGinley, photographer.
00:33:54.000 So he went bananas.
00:33:56.000 And he basically handed them an encyclopedia of coffee table books.
00:34:01.000 Now, they didn't need any of that.
00:34:03.000 And I realize this kinda contradicts my red book, leaf rouge thing.
00:34:09.000 So that's what he provided them. 0.98
00:34:12.000 Shit, I just totally contradicted myself. 0.99
00:34:14.000 Ryan McGinley 2010. 0.99
00:34:15.000 My whole point was flushing down the toilet.
00:34:18.000 Photography is different than writing.
00:34:19.000 With writing, they don't want a huge pile of words. 0.74
00:34:22.000 When you give, when someone asks you for 800 and you give 3,000 or you write that fucking diatribe about the oiled, oily Bible, now someone has to sort through that and it's really, really hard
00:34:33.000 To make 10,000 words, 3,000 words. 0.90
00:34:35.000 It's not hard to make this many pictures, this many pictures.
00:34:39.000 In fact, it's fun because it's like swiping.
00:34:41.000 You're just like, no, no, no, no, no.
00:34:42.000 Yes.
00:34:43.000 No, no, no, no, no.
00:34:44.000 Yes.
00:34:45.000 So that's why it's not a contradiction.
00:34:50.000 He pried open the hole.
00:34:51.000 They were so impressed that they asked him again and then again and again.
00:34:55.000 And that one opportunity he turned into a career. 1.00
00:34:58.000 You can do that with your stupid CD review. 1.00
00:35:00.000 All right. 1.00
00:35:03.000 Let me read the last one.
00:35:05.000 I'm going to go through the payroll.
00:35:07.000 And then after we're done this, behind the paywall, we're going to talk about
00:35:13.000 People I care about.
00:35:15.000 And that's a much bigger question, Jen, because do you want to be the HuffPo, Daily Beast kind of a journalist like Jared Holt and Andy Campbell and Christopher Mattias and these hate watch tattletales who are tattling on someone who's not actually who they think they are?
00:35:33.000 So they're basically, they write fiction for a living.
00:35:36.000 Those people never go anywhere.
00:35:38.000 They never have a legacy. 0.79
00:35:39.000 You'll notice that 99% of the authors at Gawker never went on to do anything else because they're little cunty snitches. 0.72
00:35:48.000 And I don't even like saying snitch because snitch implies the person did rob the bank.
00:35:52.000 But they're just saying that guy's a bank robber who didn't rob a bank.
00:35:55.000 So they're worse than snitches.
00:35:57.000 They're more like people who think that other people are witches during the Salem Witch Trials.
00:36:03.000 So do you want to be part of that world?
00:36:05.000 It's, if you're not too serious and you don't want to do this for decades, then that's an angle.
00:36:12.000 Anyway, I'm going to get into that in more detail because my first half was how to make it if you're anyone, but my second half is going to be, what do you really want?
00:36:25.000 How do we give you a fulfilling career in journalism?
00:36:30.000 That's true.
00:36:53.000 Please go there right now.
00:36:55.000 Use promo code Gavin.
00:36:57.000 Get 20% off.
00:36:59.000 There's the tincture for your coffee.
00:37:01.000 There's the gummies to nap.
00:37:04.000 There is the topical for your sore joints.
00:37:10.000 You know, I was thinking this morning when I got out of bed in slow motion.
00:37:14.000 Sore joints is things that working-class people have when they work in factories.
00:37:18.000 I've synthesized this by going to a gym and abusing myself and sparring and stuff and getting beaten up.
00:37:25.000 It's like I feel guilty about not being the same blue collar my dad was as a young man and all my ancestors are, so I'm synthesizing it.
00:37:35.000 Same with the fights, too.
00:37:37.000 My dad fought every day.
00:37:38.000 I don't really come across fights in real life, so I make them.
00:37:41.000 I pay people.
00:37:43.000 How dare you! 0.99
00:37:45.000 JohnnyAppleCBD.com, JohnnyApple.com, promo code Gavin, 20% off.
00:37:51.000 Please support those brave enough to support free speech.
00:37:56.000 We like them more than a friend.
00:37:58.000 All right, magical time here where I end the show for YouTube, and I end it with how I end every show, get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
00:38:08.000 I also implore you to go to censored.tv.
00:38:12.000 Oh, that'll already be in the end card thing, right?
00:38:15.000 Yeah, so take it away, me.