Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - March 14, 2020


GOML LIVE #38 | We're all gonna die


Episode Stats

Length

34 minutes

Words per Minute

148.52698

Word Count

5,092

Sentence Count

559

Misogynist Sentences

30

Hate Speech Sentences

37


Summary

This week, we talk about the coronavirus pandemic that's going on in the world, and how to deal with it. We also talk about a guy who thinks he's gay, and a girl who thinks she's a girl. And we have a new segment called "The Orphan's Mailbag" where we answer your mailbag questions! Want to sponsor the podcast? Just go to gav.fm/sponsors and enter promo code GAVIN at checkout to get 20% off all orders. You can also get free shipping on all orders, plus free shipping if you use the promo code GAVIN. Thanks to Gav for sponsoring the podcast, and we hope you enjoy this episode. Much love, and stay safe out there in cyberspace. Cheers, Chet and Ryan Chet's Dad and Ryan's Mom Gav's Dad's Mom's Birthday! Chett's Dad has Coronavirus Ryan's Dad is sick, but he's fine, and he's not worried about it, so he's here to talk about it and we're here to save the day. GAV's Mom has the flu, so she's fine too. Can't wait to try some CBD? And we're going to make it out here soon. We'll see you soon! - Chett, Chett & Ryan's mom's birthday party CHEETO'S DADDITIONAL EPISODE - GAV' J-VANCHEER'S BECAUSE THAT'S NOT THE BEST! JAVA'S PODCAST - JAVAN'S, JAVN'N' BABY'S PRODUCING AVAILABLE? - WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT'S TALKING ABOUT IT AND MORE AND MORE! CHECK OUT OUR SON'S MEDITATION AND MORE ON OUR MONDAY'S GIVING US A VOCAB AND OTHER THAN THAT AND MORE AT THE PASTOR'S FAST AND GAVA AND THE MOST THAN THEY'RE GOULD'S PODDS AND POT AND A VOTING TO ME AND THE FASTEST DOUCHES AND GOULDY AND COURSES AND THE DOG'S MAKING ME THAN A FASTIE


Transcript

00:00:32.000 We're all gonna die.
00:00:35.000 We're all going to die.
00:00:38.000 This is a global pandemic to the tune of the Ebonic Plague.
00:00:45.000 Remember the Ebonic Plague?
00:00:47.000 It started in the 80s with rap and now if you look up like Jake Paul or Billie Eilish or anyone Bella Thorne they all say yo I ain't trying to flex on that shit
00:01:06.000 This is worse.
00:01:08.000 Soon, not only will we be speaking that way, but we will be dead.
00:01:12.000 Actually, Chet Hanks is a perfect merger of the Ebonic Plague and Coronavirus.
00:01:18.000 Because he talks in Ebonics when he's talking about his parents.
00:01:23.000 This is a thing, by the way, I noticed with our viewers when they send in video letters, they have their shirts off.
00:01:30.000 Have you noticed that?
00:01:31.000 Yeah, for Gary's mailbag, absolutely.
00:01:33.000 They think they're sexy or something.
00:01:38.000 And it's actually kind of worse if you are sexy.
00:01:41.000 Because now it's gay.
00:01:43.000 And it's making me horny.
00:01:45.000 What's up, everyone?
00:01:46.000 Yeah.
00:01:47.000 Yo, what's up?
00:01:48.000 My parents got coronavirus.
00:01:49.000 What's up, Chet?
00:01:50.000 Crazy.
00:01:51.000 They're both down in Australia right now because my dad was shooting a movie down there.
00:01:54.000 Can you just pause this?
00:01:57.000 Don't you love that he's being so real?
00:02:00.000 Yeah, he's keeping it real.
00:02:01.000 They both are fine.
00:02:12.000 They're not even that sick.
00:02:15.000 They're not worried about it.
00:02:16.000 They're not tripping, but they're going through the necessary health precautions.
00:02:21.000 I don't think it's anything to be too basic, but I'm ill, okay?
00:02:25.000 Worried about.
00:02:25.000 I appreciate everyone's concern.
00:02:27.000 I appreciate concern.
00:02:29.000 But I think it's all gonna be alright.
00:02:32.000 But I appreciate it.
00:02:34.000 And just everybody stay safe out there.
00:02:37.000 Much love.
00:02:38.000 Much love.
00:02:40.000 Oh my god.
00:02:41.000 Great.
00:02:42.000 He's worse than you with your fucking you as well That's not Ebonics, but yeah you as well.
00:02:49.000 Have a nice day you as well.
00:02:50.000 Yeah, he says you as well We got hot dogs the other day on the street guys like alright.
00:02:55.000 See you later.
00:02:56.000 Have a good day and Ryan goes you as well
00:03:01.000 And then I made up a douchier one, which is double that and take half for yourself.
00:03:05.000 No, that was you making a joke after that shitty thing you did.
00:03:08.000 But now it's real.
00:03:08.000 But the shitty thing you did was real.
00:03:10.000 It wasn't a joke.
00:03:11.000 I was keeping it 100.
00:03:12.000 You as well.
00:03:13.000 That's like when people say thank you so much.
00:03:15.000 It's like European.
00:03:16.000 Don't say thank you so much.
00:03:17.000 You sound like a fucking orphan.
00:03:21.000 Speaking of orphans, I cannot recommend enough JohnnyApple.com J-A-C-B-D dot com
00:03:31.000 They have the tinctures.
00:03:32.000 They have the topicals.
00:03:33.000 They have the concentrates.
00:03:34.000 They have the edibles.
00:03:35.000 They have the supplements.
00:03:38.000 They have the vape pens.
00:03:39.000 Have you tried the vape pens yet?
00:03:40.000 You're a vapor.
00:03:41.000 I actually haven't tried their vapens.
00:03:43.000 You should try the vapens.
00:03:45.000 The tincture is great in your coffee and the edibles, I just gave it to my coach, my boxing coach to steady the nerves.
00:03:54.000 You know, a fight is a big deal, not just for the boxer, but for everyone involved.
00:03:59.000 They're freaking out.
00:04:00.000 This is the big day.
00:04:01.000 That's the excitement of boxing.
00:04:04.000 It could all just get flushed down the toilet.
00:04:06.000 And it's more badass than gummies, if we're being real.
00:04:09.000 What is?
00:04:10.000 Sitting there puffing.
00:04:11.000 No, no, no.
00:04:12.000 I gave the coach the gummies.
00:04:13.000 Oh.
00:04:15.000 But, uh, yeah, people think that there's something illegal about them.
00:04:18.000 There's no THC.
00:04:19.000 There's no buzz.
00:04:21.000 This is just the good parts of the hemp.
00:04:24.000 And the CBD is great for sore muscles.
00:04:26.000 And you get 20% off all orders, plus free shipping if you use the promo code GAVIN.
00:04:33.000 G-A-V-I-N.
00:04:35.000 I pronounce it in French, but it's much more phonetic in English.
00:04:38.000 GAVIN.
00:04:40.000 J-A-C-B-D dot com.
00:04:42.000 Promo code GAVIN.
00:04:43.000 Treat yourself.
00:04:45.000 Lots of variety, including things for your pets, including cookies.
00:04:51.000 And it just takes the edge off of life.
00:04:53.000 You know, pot has a lot of great qualities, but it gets you too high.
00:04:58.000 This is all the goodness of pot without the getting high part.
00:05:01.000 Totally and utterly legal.
00:05:03.000 Alright.
00:05:06.000 Coronavirus.
00:05:10.000 You know, uh, I was at the closing of CBGB's and they had a bunch of punk bands, including Conflict and Peter and the Test Tube Babies, a bunch of British bands flew in, which was kind of suspicious, isn't it?
00:05:23.000 So you're leaving here because you can't afford the rent anymore, but you flew in Conflict and Peter and the Test Tube Babies and The Business and Blitz and all these British punk bands?
00:05:33.000 Hmm.
00:05:35.000 The real story with CBGBs is that that venue had been making money for probably 20 years, but the shirts were making intense money.
00:05:44.000 So they left, Billy Helley, whatever his name was, left the venue open because it helped sell the shirts, it helped legitimize the shirts.
00:05:54.000 But it was all about the shirts, that place.
00:05:56.000 And then one day he went, you know what, I'll just sell the rights to the shirts to Jean Veros, and he can just make it a shitty clothing store.
00:06:04.000 And he'll dress Howard Stern and stuff, which is what happened.
00:06:07.000 And Chadwick Moore.
00:06:08.000 Chadwick Moore, whereas John, what is it?
00:06:11.000 Varvatos.
00:06:12.000 Varvatos.
00:06:13.000 Yeah.
00:06:16.000 And I noticed all those bands, you know, British people see Budweiser as a very exotic beer.
00:06:22.000 But they also see the most, and if you go to like a club in London, people are drinking Budweiser like it's fancy pants.
00:06:29.000 And when the Brits come here, they wanna get an even more exotic beer, a beer called Corona.
00:06:36.000 So I saw like GBH and all these punk legends that are now bald, that I grew up listening to, all drinking Corona.
00:06:44.000 They love their little lime, those Brits.
00:06:47.000 So this isn't the first time I've seen the coronavirus.
00:06:51.000 You notice a lot of dad puns on today's episode.
00:06:55.000 But now we had a state of emergency declared in New York.
00:06:59.000 They are shutting down the MLB.
00:07:00.000 They're shutting down basketball.
00:07:02.000 They're shutting down hockey.
00:07:03.000 USA Boxing isn't going to have any fights until the 31st.
00:07:08.000 The schools are all shut down in my neighborhood.
00:07:12.000 Legion of Skanks canceled the Skank Fest that we were talking about.
00:07:14.000 Oh, really?
00:07:15.000 Yeah, they just did today.
00:07:17.000 Yeah.
00:07:18.000 Because I was going to fly down to Dallas.
00:07:19.000 Should I not go?
00:07:22.000 I was gonna fly up to see Tommy Robinson, too.
00:07:25.000 There's a travel ban in the UK.
00:07:27.000 No, there is not.
00:07:29.000 Oh, and I'm sorry, everywhere but the UK.
00:07:31.000 Yes.
00:07:33.000 And then they go, what about these people in Europe?
00:07:35.000 Yeah, fuck them.
00:07:37.000 People who are traveling to Europe are not leading important lives.
00:07:41.000 No one is going back and forth from Berlin to New York for work.
00:07:46.000 There's no such thing.
00:07:48.000 So if you're in Europe right now and you're American, you were just fucking around on some dumb trip.
00:07:53.000 So fuck you.
00:07:56.000 But anyway, I want to make it clear that we have a position here on the show, and that is this is all total and utter bullshit, and we could not care less.
00:08:08.000 What?
00:08:08.000 Black people don't think it affects black people.
00:08:12.000 I speak to black people.
00:08:37.000 I have a secret in to the black community called boxing.
00:08:42.000 And they see it as a white disease.
00:08:43.000 That's why they're not changing their habits.
00:08:45.000 They're still... New Rochelle, the black part of New Rochelle, which is everything sort of near Main Street, is still packed.
00:08:52.000 All weekend, New Rock Center, packed.
00:08:56.000 With blacks.
00:08:59.000 And Hispanics.
00:09:02.000 I even spoke to this black dude who's like,
00:09:05.000 You know, black people can't get it, kids can't get it, and it's a white disease, but more specifically than that, it's a Jewish disease.
00:09:11.000 He sounded like Chuck D when he said it.
00:09:15.000 He said, look at the lawyer that they found in New Rochelle.
00:09:17.000 Look at the area he's in.
00:09:19.000 What did he pollute?
00:09:19.000 A synagogue.
00:09:21.000 This is a Jew disease.
00:09:23.000 Okay.
00:09:29.000 As long as it's not, I don't care if it's a you disease, as long as it's not a me disease, but no.
00:09:34.000 We had, in Obama's era, in 2008, we had the N1H1, which I think was the derivative of the Spanish flu.
00:09:41.000 That killed 284,000 people.
00:09:44.000 We didn't really close schools.
00:09:46.000 It wasn't this kind of hype around it.
00:09:48.000 Now, I'm not talking on behalf of Italy and these other places.
00:09:52.000 I'm talking about America, and specifically the Northeast, my hood.
00:09:55.000 And I'm right, I'm near New Rochelle.
00:09:58.000 Never happened in the States.
00:10:00.000 Wow, you really are getting fast at those.
00:10:03.000 You're the new Fred.
00:10:04.000 I was quite chilly before I put on this cardigan.
00:10:08.000 Now I'm quite warm.
00:10:09.000 My son, who's only my middle boy, he's only... Uh-oh.
00:10:15.000 Hey, what are you gonna do?
00:10:17.000 He just coughed.
00:10:18.000 Situation doesn't worry about it.
00:10:21.000 He goes, my son goes, that's the stupidest look ever.
00:10:24.000 And I go, what do you mean?
00:10:26.000 And he says, when you're
00:10:27.000 T-shirt is sticking out from the bottom of your overthrow.
00:10:31.000 Your throw over thing.
00:10:34.000 I go, you mean when your flannel is sticking out of the bottom of your cardigan?
00:10:40.000 I go, dude, you got to get a vocabulary together if you're gonna be making fun of your dad.
00:10:43.000 Burn!
00:10:44.000 That was a good counter burn.
00:10:45.000 This is a t-shirt now?
00:10:46.000 Nice try, kids.
00:10:51.000 Um...
00:10:53.000 So yeah, we'll do some mailbag today.
00:10:55.000 We're going to avoid getting too newsy.
00:10:58.000 I do want to talk about the coronavirus.
00:11:00.000 If you subscribe to censored.tv, you'll see my interview with Dr. Shiva, the man who invented email and is also a biology dude.
00:11:10.000 What do you call them?
00:11:11.000 Biologist?
00:11:12.000 Is he just a biologist or is he a bioengineer?
00:11:17.000 I think he's a bioengineer, actually.
00:11:18.000 So we spoke to him about all this.
00:11:20.000 He seemed a little politically correct, if I may.
00:11:24.000 Because on Summit.News, Paul Joseph Watson's thing, he calls it all a big lie and a bioweapon.
00:11:30.000 I mean, I'm paraphrasing.
00:11:32.000 But when I interviewed him on the show, he was much more ambiguous and said, look, it doesn't matter if it was made by the government.
00:11:39.000 The point is, the government doesn't know how to deal with it because they suck at infrastructure.
00:11:43.000 Which is an interesting point.
00:11:46.000 I don't know.
00:11:47.000 Like even on this flight, I got planned to Texas next week.
00:11:50.000 I'll just drink alcohol.
00:11:53.000 Like you Purell your hands.
00:11:55.000 I Purell the inside of my body every day with this.
00:11:59.000 How can anything survive in here?
00:12:01.000 You're being fucking naive, dude.
00:12:03.000 Really?
00:12:03.000 How many deaths are we at?
00:12:05.000 Like 200?
00:12:05.000 In a population of 331 million?
00:12:07.000 Over a thousand people were cured in Italy too.
00:12:15.000 As of yesterday, yeah.
00:12:16.000 Plus, they're all oldies.
00:12:18.000 Although, I was going to visit Tommy Robinson.
00:12:20.000 I was going to meet my dad up in Britain, too.
00:12:23.000 And my cousin today said, don't do that.
00:12:27.000 You're going to kill your da.
00:12:30.000 And I thought, he has had a pretty good run.
00:12:36.000 I feel like his last words would be, thanks, pal.
00:12:39.000 I thought Chet Hanks was laid back about his pops having it.
00:12:43.000 I'm way more dope than Chet Hanks.
00:12:45.000 This is double chill.
00:12:46.000 I'm going to get tons of beautiful spiritual tattoos.
00:12:50.000 God, it's so gay to have spiritual tattoos, like that namaste thing.
00:12:55.000 And it's always 22-year-olds getting it.
00:12:58.000 Really, you've learned a lot in life.
00:13:00.000 You've been an adult for, what, four years?
00:13:03.000 And you're telling me that you just have to take every moment as it comes.
00:13:07.000 One day at a time.
00:13:09.000 That's what this says.
00:13:10.000 In fuckin' Arabic.
00:13:12.000 Across my back.
00:13:14.000 This means dreams and destiny.
00:13:17.000 In fuckin' Urdu.
00:13:18.000 Destined to be a douche.
00:13:20.000 Dreamed to be a chode.
00:13:21.000 Yeah, over a thousand people cured of Karony.
00:13:26.000 Yeah.
00:13:27.000 You call it Karony?
00:13:28.000 That's your fun little... Yeah, you say it so much that you have to put some fun into it.
00:13:31.000 The fuck are you wearing, by the way?
00:13:33.000 Dress shoes, blue socks, slacks, and a football shirt?
00:13:40.000 Go to a wide, Ryan.
00:13:41.000 I don't have a wide.
00:13:42.000 Oh, this is it.
00:13:44.000 No, that's the wide.
00:13:45.000 Yeah, that looks really bad.
00:13:47.000 Awesome!
00:13:50.000 No, you look like, um, an immigrant.
00:13:53.000 Yes!
00:13:54.000 You look like a Turkish guy who's trying to be American.
00:13:57.000 That's what I'm going for.
00:14:00.000 The good news is Marianne Williamson has been praying for us to be cured of this.
00:14:07.000 I'm sure you've seen this already and if by the time you see this on YouTube it will be like weeks old.
00:14:12.000 But I did not know I had a vagina until she said this.
00:14:17.000 We pray that it be dissolved with healing.
00:14:20.000 With healing.
00:14:21.000 With healing.
00:14:22.000 Your cervix.
00:14:24.000 Your penis.
00:14:26.000 Your vagina.
00:14:27.000 Your penis.
00:14:29.000 Your penis.
00:14:30.000 Your buttocks.
00:14:31.000 Wait, did you just say your box?
00:14:33.000 Buttocks.
00:14:34.000 Oh, buttocks.
00:14:36.000 Who's doing the zooming?
00:14:37.000 Is that her?
00:14:37.000 No, I believe this is somebody in post.
00:14:41.000 With healing.
00:14:42.000 With healing.
00:14:43.000 Your cervix.
00:14:45.000 Your penis.
00:14:46.000 Wait, maybe not.
00:14:47.000 Your vagina.
00:14:48.000 You don't need to zoom in if you're trying to be funny.
00:14:50.000 Your colon.
00:14:51.000 Your colon?
00:14:52.000 Yes.
00:14:58.000 Go wash your hands.
00:15:00.000 Next.
00:15:02.000 How much is she kidding there?
00:15:03.000 Zero?
00:15:04.000 I think it has to be a joke.
00:15:06.000 She would be a weird lay.
00:15:07.000 Yeah.
00:15:09.000 I think she'd be an annoying lay.
00:15:10.000 I think she'd be a little too like... Lots of breathing and shit.
00:15:18.000 She reminds me of the lady from The Big Lebowski Screwed.
00:15:21.000 In Big Lebowski?
00:15:22.000 I don't remember that.
00:15:26.000 But that's all you have to do is pray for everyone's colon.
00:15:29.000 I don't think it affects your colon.
00:15:31.000 I think she's wasting a lot of prayers on a colon.
00:15:35.000 Although, I saw that video about an hour ago and I have not farted since.
00:15:41.000 And you fart, you're calling somewhere in the fart chain, isn't it?
00:15:45.000 What's this?
00:15:46.000 This is a lady from Blabowski.
00:15:49.000 Isn't that Gillianne Williamson or something?
00:15:52.000 Julianne Moore?
00:15:54.000 No, that's a totally different type of chick.
00:15:59.000 That's like a balls to the wall, let's get organized chick.
00:16:02.000 Totally different set.
00:16:03.000 She's laying back and she's holding her legs up and he's like, what are you doing?
00:16:06.000 She's like, it helps conceive or conception.
00:16:10.000 Helps conception.
00:16:11.000 Yeah.
00:16:12.000 She's all like spiritually.
00:16:13.000 She's trying to make a baby.
00:16:14.000 Yeah.
00:16:15.000 It does help with conceiving.
00:16:17.000 Oh, snap.
00:16:20.000 You really are a great input.
00:16:24.000 What else should we talk about?
00:16:25.000 Is that it for coronavirus?
00:16:26.000 I mean, what do you want me to say?
00:16:28.000 It's all or nothing, really, as far as the reactions go.
00:16:32.000 You either totally self-quarantine or you just give up and say, I think this is bullshit.
00:16:38.000 I'm of the latter group.
00:16:40.000 I assume you are too, Ryan.
00:16:44.000 Yeah.
00:16:45.000 I don't think too much about it.
00:16:47.000 We're both on Metro North going into the city every day.
00:16:49.000 We're on the subway.
00:16:50.000 Yeah.
00:16:53.000 In New York City.
00:16:54.000 And I was at CPAC.
00:16:55.000 I shook 500 hands at CPAC.
00:16:58.000 At least.
00:17:00.000 I'm patient zero, basically.
00:17:02.000 I have coronavirus.
00:17:03.000 It's not that bad.
00:17:05.000 Plenty of us have it and don't even know.
00:17:08.000 Like, it can get onto the cell, but then it has to penetrate the cell.
00:17:13.000 And as we learned from Dr. Shivs, if you have enough vitamin A, you have enough of an immune system, it can't get into the cells.
00:17:20.000 It can't lock onto them.
00:17:24.000 Is this a boring show?
00:17:25.000 BetDSI.com.
00:17:27.000 Maybe for the people on YouTube, when we get the crack loose.
00:17:32.000 BetDSI is a wonderful betting site.
00:17:37.000 Although, what's going to happen with BetDSI?
00:17:39.000 Because March Madness is a huge part.
00:17:42.000 Of BetDSI.
00:17:43.000 In March, Madness is cancelled.
00:17:45.000 That's right.
00:17:46.000 They're not doing, last I heard they were doing audience free games.
00:17:50.000 Yeah, I heard that too, but I think it's gone even farther.
00:17:53.000 I'm not sure.
00:17:54.000 I mean, the news is changing on an hourly basis.
00:17:57.000 But, um, whatever sports are out there, you should go to BetDSI.com slash Gavin.
00:18:03.000 That's using promo code Gavin to make a deposit and start winning free money with me at BetDSI.
00:18:10.000 And then all my script here is about betting on March Madness.
00:18:17.000 It's really weird too to watch a game without an audience.
00:18:20.000 I saw a soccer game recently that was just the, when they get a goal and it's just, you realize how stupid sports is.
00:18:26.000 It's just a ball going into a net and then the team's very happy, but there's no crowd.
00:18:34.000 And the sportscasters too.
00:18:39.000 Uh, seem disinterested.
00:18:42.000 Me and Betisai will match you 120% up to $1,000 plus my listeners get a $25 bonus to test the waters.
00:18:45.000 So, you deposit $100, me and Betisai give you another $120 plus my exclusive $25 bonus.
00:18:48.000 You deposit $500, you're getting another $600 plus my exclusive $25 bonus.
00:19:07.000 And so on and so on.
00:19:11.000 Anyway, I don't know what bets are going on, what games are going on.
00:19:15.000 The MLB, we talked about this, right?
00:19:16.000 It's totally delayed.
00:19:19.000 So does that mean it goes into like July?
00:19:21.000 I don't know.
00:19:24.000 Is it going to go all summer?
00:19:25.000 That would be cool.
00:19:27.000 Why does baseball end?
00:19:29.000 Baseball should go till October.
00:19:33.000 Can't they just wear like- It should go from now to October.
00:19:37.000 I heard the Yankees might be starting their season in Florida.
00:19:44.000 Anyway, go to batdsi.com, use promo code Gavin, I like you more than a friend, and we'd like to personally thank them for supporting the show for so long.
00:19:53.000 I was thinking, what if all this shit did end up getting real, what I would do?
00:19:57.000 I guess I would just throw everyone into the car and drive up to Canada or something.
00:20:03.000 Yeah, where do the cases in Canada?
00:20:04.000 I have not heard anything about that.
00:20:05.000 I don't know.
00:20:07.000 Coronavirus in Canada.
00:20:09.000 Or if it's not affecting black people, go get a hotel room in Harlem.
00:20:13.000 Yeah.
00:20:14.000 Or Wakanda.
00:20:15.000 Wakanda's not real.
00:20:17.000 Then nevermind, that sucks.
00:20:19.000 Remember that professor saying Wakanda is everything that black, that Africa could be if it wasn't for colonization.
00:20:26.000 And then Ben Shapiro goes, Wakanda's not real.
00:20:32.000 And the amazing thing about that movie is you look at Wakanda and you go, it looks like shit.
00:20:38.000 It's not that great.
00:20:41.000 Like there's one or two buildings that have really cool technology, but there's also dirt roads and some shitty vendors with like pieces of bamboo and a pot hanging on the edge.
00:20:51.000 Like when they go to the market.
00:20:53.000 Yeah.
00:20:53.000 That doesn't look as nice as New York.
00:20:56.000 And they have meetings on a waterfall.
00:21:00.000 I'm not impressed.
00:21:01.000 Especially when your top export is a magic thing that's better than oil, gas, and nuclear power combined.
00:21:10.000 And you still can't really get it together.
00:21:12.000 And you're fictional.
00:21:14.000 I'm not impressed.
00:21:15.000 I don't see a lot of fun happening there.
00:21:20.000 No.
00:21:22.000 All right, so yeah, I would just drive away.
00:21:24.000 But by the way, speaking of Ben Shapiro, there's obviously this funny split on the right with the, I would call them paleo-conservatives, like Michelle Malkin and Nick Fuentes and the Groypers, and then the more sort of progressive conservatives like Ben Shapiro and Charlie Kirk and all that.
00:21:42.000 And I like Turning Point USA.
00:21:45.000 I like Charlie Kirk.
00:21:47.000 But he has said some stupid shit in the past.
00:21:52.000 So have I, of course.
00:21:53.000 But Michelle dug up this quote of his where he's talking about us taking in 50 million immigrants.
00:22:00.000 Maybe he's changed his mind since he said this, but what did he say?
00:22:03.000 Yeah, it's all being used for farming.
00:22:20.000 Yeah, occasionally.
00:22:21.000 50 million.
00:22:21.000 So we're now almost 400 million people.
00:22:22.000 At least he's saying numbers.
00:22:23.000 Pro-immigration people can never give me numbers.
00:22:48.000 Where they have a highly functional immigrant community from Armenia.
00:22:53.000 And some are Muslim and some are Christian.
00:22:54.000 They came with all the resources and they fled.
00:22:57.000 Some fled, some came here legally.
00:22:59.000 And they are the highest per capita neighborhoods in Dayton.
00:23:02.000 They've assimilated beautifully.
00:23:03.000 I see that as a great success story that could happen all across the country.
00:23:07.000 I was just in New York.
00:23:08.000 When you walk the streets in New York,
00:23:10.000 New York City is a shit hole.
00:23:12.000 We're there every day.
00:23:12.000 You wanna walk outside with me right now?
00:23:14.000 We know the bums.
00:23:14.000 We have a bum who does a show here.
00:23:35.000 We employ them.
00:23:36.000 The Michelle Malkin thing is different from that.
00:23:37.000 Sure is.
00:23:37.000 Can't she be fat and ugly so I can concentrate, please?
00:24:04.000 Can't you trade bodies with, uh, what's her name who did Girls?
00:24:08.000 Lena Dunham.
00:24:09.000 Lena Dunham.
00:24:10.000 Can Michelle Malkin and Lena Dunham switch bodies, please, so I can focus?
00:24:13.000 It would help the world more.
00:24:15.000 Yeah.
00:24:17.000 ...mass immigration into Japan and calling Japan's immigration policy, quote, really, really bad.
00:24:26.000 Listen to this, if you can.
00:24:28.000 ...are not too generous.
00:24:30.000 How many refugees do you think Japan
00:24:34.000 That's the perfect number.
00:24:34.000 Here's the problem with that argument, sorry.
00:24:39.000 We're what, 7 billion people?
00:24:41.000 Two-thirds of them would love to come to America.
00:24:59.000 And the term refugee, now we have economic refugees, where if you're just sort of poor and your life sucks, then you want to come over here.
00:25:06.000 Okay, so four billion people would like to come here?
00:25:12.000 Like if we really open the floodgates, how many billions of people would like to come here?
00:25:17.000 So how about no refugees?
00:25:20.000 It's all or nothing.
00:25:21.000 Like, does it really help when you have 4 billion people who want to come here and you take in a million?
00:25:26.000 Have you really done anything?
00:25:27.000 It's like these idiots with these pet rescue things.
00:25:31.000 I found a stray dog and he weighed 10 pounds and then we fed him and he's back to health.
00:25:36.000 Did you really help things?
00:25:37.000 It's really just a hairy insect.
00:25:40.000 And now there's more of them.
00:25:42.000 How many rats did you save this year?
00:25:44.000 You know what I mean?
00:25:45.000 Support this strict of refugee resettlement.
00:25:49.000 I mean, this is extraordinary.
00:25:51.000 Just 2% of Japan's population is foreign-born.
00:25:54.000 This is actually an example of really, really bad immigration policy.
00:25:58.000 I mean, it sounds really good to some of strict borders, but actually, Japan has one of the worst debt-to-GDP ratios in the entire world.
00:26:06.000 They have an aging population.
00:26:08.000 They have a lot of problems.
00:26:10.000 Of course they have an Asian population.
00:26:12.000 It's Japan!
00:26:15.000 They've not been able to solve internally.
00:26:17.000 And honestly, um, a, a upstart entrepreneurial focused immigrant community could really have helped Japan.
00:26:24.000 They've gone far, far in the wrong direction when it comes to immigration.
00:26:28.000 So, so refugee resettlement, I get that.
00:26:31.000 I mean, you don't do refugee resettlement to make yourself richer.
00:26:34.000 You do that with your heart.
00:26:36.000 On her telegram, I highly recommend you guys get telegram and parlor.
00:26:42.000 Telegram is clunky, but it seems more newsy, and Parler seems a little more fun.
00:26:46.000 It's got a little more Instagram-iness.
00:26:49.000 Chew it.
00:26:51.000 But yeah, that's my problem.
00:26:53.000 I like Charlie Kirk.
00:26:54.000 I like that he's out there in schools mocking political correctness.
00:26:58.000 But his immigration stances, at least in the past, have been absolutely fucking ridiculous.
00:27:04.000 We do not want 50 million people here.
00:27:06.000 And I don't know if we need... How about if we're going to get refugees?
00:27:09.000 We start with bona fide refugees like the white farmers in South Africa and the Christians in Northern Iraq that are getting killed.
00:27:18.000 Remember Ezra Levant had that Bible from the church where Muslims had gone in and just shot up the church and there was a Bible with a bullet hole?
00:27:25.000 And I'm so vain and lame, the first thing I thought when he showed me that was, could I have that?
00:27:33.000 Like, we have what?
00:27:36.000 How many Christians are killed every year?
00:27:38.000 I think it's 90,000.
00:27:39.000 So what is 90,000?
00:27:41.000 What's 90,000 divided by 365?
00:27:42.000 How many thousand?
00:27:48.000 90,000.
00:27:48.000 90,000.
00:27:50.000 You just put in 9-0-0-0-0.
00:27:56.000 Thanks, Bronx.
00:27:57.000 Great public schools.
00:27:59.000 It's right next to them.
00:28:02.000 Yeah, it is, I guess.
00:28:04.000 What is taking you so fucking long?
00:28:07.000 Uh, 1,384.
00:28:08.000 A day.
00:28:09.000 .615.
00:28:09.000 A day.
00:28:10.000 That's pretty nuts.
00:28:13.000 So almost 1,500 Christians are killed a day.
00:28:16.000 Let's get them in here.
00:28:18.000 If we're going to take some people.
00:28:20.000 Wait, wait, wait.
00:28:21.000 It's less than that.
00:28:22.000 It's 246.
00:28:23.000 Yeah, that makes a little more sense.
00:28:25.000 What was your first mistake?
00:28:27.000 Uh, the three was absent.
00:28:30.000 So you had divided by 65?
00:28:31.000 I did.
00:28:31.000 God, you're fucking useless.
00:28:35.000 Oh look, we're already out of time.
00:28:38.000 We've barely begun the show.
00:28:39.000 This is a two-hour show.
00:28:41.000 We're only halfway... We're only half an hour into a two-hour show.
00:28:44.000 We're a quarter of the way in.
00:28:46.000 I can't believe we're not talking about Bubba and Hanks.
00:28:48.000 They sent me meat today.
00:28:50.000 Huh.
00:28:50.000 Did a dude respond?
00:28:53.000 Did you text him at all?
00:28:54.000 I did.
00:28:54.000 Let's see if dude said anything.
00:28:58.000 Dude said anything.
00:29:01.000 All right, well, let's not bore the viewers with that.
00:29:03.000 No Bubba until later, but free plugs are always nice if they send you stuff.
00:29:09.000 I sent you a picture of my meat in my freezer.
00:29:11.000 Oh, yes.
00:29:12.000 I just got a shipment of Bubba and Hank's.
00:29:15.000 Sure did.
00:29:16.000 You got that picture?
00:29:17.000 I do.
00:29:21.000 By the way, this is an inside look into my freezer.
00:29:23.000 I hope there's nothing embarrassing in there.
00:29:25.000 You're doxxed.
00:29:26.000 Pastry pups, what the hell are those?
00:29:28.000 God, my wife is such a hoarder.
00:29:30.000 I tried to marry a whore, I ended up with a hoarder.
00:29:33.000 I'm shocked that we were able to fit that meat in the freezer.
00:29:36.000 Every drawer in my house, you can't open it because there's just crap coming out of it.
00:29:41.000 We've had that same fight about packed drawers and overstuffed things since we met.
00:29:48.000 Whatever fight you have with your wife in the first year, just cryogenically freeze that, because you're going to be regurgitating it for the rest of your life.
00:29:57.000 That exact same, exactly the same fight.
00:29:59.000 I'll go to open a drawer, and there'll be like some fucking pile of markers, and I'll go, GOD DAMMIT!
00:30:03.000 And I'll go, WHY IS THERE SO MUCH SHIT IN THIS DRAWER?!
00:30:09.000 And that includes freezer drawers.
00:30:11.000 But let me see that meat again.
00:30:12.000 Freezer drawers.
00:30:14.000 Yeah, zoom in on the meat.
00:30:16.000 All right.
00:30:16.000 Not the pastry pups or the fried rice.
00:30:19.000 God, it's hot as balls in here.
00:30:21.000 Hot as holes.
00:30:22.000 Hey, I think we should do a commercial.
00:30:24.000 If I come over one day, we eat some, we show some of the grilling and then show some of the eating.
00:30:28.000 We make a Bubba Hank commercial.
00:30:30.000 Let's take these ads by the balls.
00:30:33.000 Okay.
00:30:34.000 Well, speaking of commercials, I made a commercial with you already today.
00:30:37.000 For what?
00:30:38.000 For the song, Wake Up Little Susie.
00:30:40.000 I came by Ryan's apartment.
00:30:42.000 We don't obviously don't do anything in the day when we do these night shows.
00:30:46.000 And at around I think 6pm, this is what Ryan was doing.
00:30:53.000 I don't like this song.
00:30:57.000 Wake up, little Susie, wake up.
00:31:00.000 Jam, jam, jam, jam.
00:31:02.000 Wake up, little Susie, wake up.
00:31:05.000 Jam, jam, jam, jam.
00:31:07.000 You're gonna forever regret giving me keys to your apartment.
00:31:10.000 That was the dumbest thing you've ever done.
00:31:12.000 Well it helps sometimes, but sometimes it really hurts.
00:31:15.000 Can you just tell us about your insane sleep schedule?
00:31:19.000 Why were you asleep?
00:31:20.000 I sleep after I eat a little too much.
00:31:23.000 Or if I'm feeling a little limesy, sometimes I can't explain why I'm tired.
00:31:26.000 Why haven't you gotten a blood test after you did your antibiotics?
00:31:30.000 I just haven't had the time to do all that.
00:31:32.000 That's such bullshit!
00:31:34.000 I don't want to.
00:31:36.000 Not yet.
00:31:37.000 Why?
00:31:38.000 Because I'm just not worried about it too much.
00:31:40.000 I just take my little naps, I get my work done, and that's what I do.
00:31:43.000 Ryan's been blowing his money.
00:31:44.000 He's been watching YouTube videos on Savile Row, where British billionaires have their suits custom made for thousands of pounds.
00:31:53.000 Yeah.
00:31:54.000 And he's been watching Taylor videos.
00:31:56.000 He's been buying shoes.
00:31:57.000 He's got, how much are those fucking shoes?
00:31:59.000 195.
00:31:59.000 These will last a lifetime.
00:32:01.000 $200 shoes.
00:32:01.000 Then he spends another 50 bucks on shoe shining equipment.
00:32:06.000 That was 50 bucks, yeah.
00:32:07.000 It's not bad.
00:32:08.000 It'll last me forever.
00:32:09.000 No one buys shoe-shining equipment, you fuckin' tard.
00:32:13.000 When you're at Grand Central, you pay for a shoe shine maybe twice a year.
00:32:16.000 Eight dollars apiece.
00:32:19.000 Yeah, no.
00:32:19.000 No one shines their own shoes anymore.
00:32:21.000 So, in five shoe shines, you get your money's worth.
00:32:26.000 All right, we're done talking about coronavirus, right?
00:32:30.000 And we're done talking about politics.
00:32:32.000 Oh, and we're done with the free part of the show, so I would just like to remind you to go to JACBD.com, Johnny Appleseed, the number one sponsor of the show.
00:32:42.000 They've been with us since day one, and we use the topicals, we use the ointment for sore muscles.
00:32:49.000 Everyone at my gym loves it.
00:32:52.000 Um, we use the tincture in our coffee to take the edge off.
00:32:54.000 You know when you're having that second cup because you're hungover or something, but it gives you sort of like the sketchies?
00:32:59.000 Well, you put the tincture in.
00:33:02.000 Uh, Ryan's trying to show you that now.
00:33:05.000 And, uh, that makes you feel better.
00:33:08.000 And then, um, the edibles are great around nappy time.
00:33:13.000 They don't make you tired, though.
00:33:15.000 They just sort of even you out.
00:33:18.000 So please use a promo code Gavin, get 20% off all orders, free shipping, when you go to johnnyapple.com.
00:33:25.000 We are now ending the free portion of the show.
00:33:29.000 Not a very good show, I would say, so far.
00:33:32.000 Yeah, we're holding back for these F's.
00:33:34.000 I mean, the problem with YouTube is we can't play music, we can't show you movies.
00:33:39.000 This show is usually a lot more exciting.
00:33:40.000 We might not even put this on YouTube.
00:33:43.000 Oh, snap.
00:33:43.000 Yeah, you heard me.
00:33:44.000 I think we need to for the ads.
00:33:46.000 Oh, yeah.
00:33:47.000 All right, I'm gonna slip into a string vest, and then we're going to continue to shoot the shit.
00:33:51.000 I want to talk about I Am Jazz, the show about that tranny kid, which is the darkest shit I've ever seen.
00:33:59.000 And, um... And, yeah, we're gonna continue to go through funny news stories, and then we're gonna take calls.
00:34:07.000 So get fired.
00:34:08.000 So get fired, get in trouble, be brave,
00:34:12.000 And never stop fighting.
00:34:15.000 I don't like the butt shake.