Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes


GOML LIVE #63 | ZANNOAH (Part 1)


Summary

In this episode of Get Off My Lawn, the boys talk about what it's like to be a lawyer in New York City, how to get over a hangover at a comedy club, and how to not get wasted at a stand-up comedy show. They also talk about how hard it is to buy pants in your 40s, and why it's a good thing that you're not allowed to get drunk at comedy clubs. Also, the guys talk about the return of the Gavin's Doodles charity auction and how much they'd like to see Justice For Liberty get in return for the money they've raised so far. And, of course, there's a special guest appearance from the band The Replacements! Get off My Lawn is a comedy podcast hosted by Gavin McPhillips and written and produced by Alex Blumberg. Get off my lawn is a podcast where we talk about comedy, music, and other things related to the world of New York, and we try to make you feel like you're in a good place in the world. Get OFF MY LAUREN'S PLACE. Get Off my Lawn is hosted by GAVEN McPHILLIPS. Subscribe to our new podcast, Censored.tv/GetOffMyLawn, where we give you the inside scoop on everything you need to know about what's going on in NYC, New York and the people who care about it! Subscribe and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts! Subscribe, rate, review, and tell us what you think about it's good, good vibing, and much more! Get OFF My Lawn. We'll be giving you a chance to win tickets to our next live show! and we'll send you an ad-free version of the podcast! Got it? Subscribe on iTunes? Get On My Lawn? Subscribe On Pod: Subscribe on Podchaser, review it on iTunes, and subscribe on iTunes and review it so you can be notified when it's next episode is available on the air on the pod, and on the next episode of the pod is available! so you get the most listened to by the best podcast you're listening to it's going to be the best of what's trending on the most influential podcast in the best place on the internet? get it all that you can do it on your favorite podcast on social media? v=1PODCAST AND MORE!


Transcript

00:00:03.000 Oh, I'm from New York!
00:00:05.000 It's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McPhillips!
00:00:31.000 You know, you can play the air guitar in your 40s.
00:00:34.000 But after 50, it's physically, I cannot do it.
00:00:38.000 I don't mean I'm not good enough.
00:00:39.000 It's like wearing red Chuck Taylors or something.
00:00:42.000 Oh, it feels weird.
00:00:44.000 Welcome to Get Off My Lawn.
00:00:46.000 This is the live episode from 9 till about 9.30.
00:00:50.000 We're free on iTunes as an audio podcast.
00:00:57.000 And then we go behind the paywall after 9.30, where you can't touch us.
00:01:03.000 Can't touch us.
00:01:05.000 And then from 10 to 11 we take your calls.
00:01:09.000 I also do sketches from 10 to 11.
00:01:13.000 That we then auction off at Gavin's Doodles.
00:01:19.000 You can find the link on censored.tv.
00:01:22.000 And we donate 100% of that money to justiceforliberty.com.
00:01:27.000 We just sent in another check of $2,000.
00:01:29.000 So I think since we started doing the doodles, there's been three auctions and it was like $4K, $3K, $2K.
00:01:36.000 So we're almost at $10K for that.
00:01:40.000 And then my cameos have been going
00:01:42.000 To Justice for Liberty.
00:01:43.000 That's at 4k.
00:01:44.000 So we're 13k, uh, recently, which is pretty good.
00:01:50.000 It would be nice if we could give Max and John some money when they get out.
00:01:55.000 You know what I mean?
00:01:57.000 Like, I think with, I think with Max and John, I think their, their lawyer bills were about 30.
00:02:04.000 It'd be nice to get that paid off each.
00:02:06.000 So 60.
00:02:08.000 And then, um,
00:02:11.000 Fuckin'... Family.
00:02:13.000 Help them get on their feet.
00:02:14.000 The income that they would have gotten, you know?
00:02:15.000 Just a little jumpstart.
00:02:17.000 Right, well that's... I'm giving Zenoa the money now.
00:02:21.000 Because she's moving and stuff.
00:02:23.000 But one thing I've learned... One thing I've learned about these live shows is to try not to get wasted.
00:02:31.000 And that's a challenge.
00:02:32.000 Dude, I'm so fucking bummed.
00:02:35.000 I just went up a size.
00:02:37.000 Oh no.
00:02:38.000 From 33 to 34.
00:02:41.000 Wow.
00:02:42.000 And it's too small.
00:02:44.000 No way.
00:02:46.000 $150 I spent on all new pants.
00:02:48.000 And they were on sale, $15 each.
00:02:50.000 So I got an expensive pair that was $70.
00:02:52.000 And then three $15-ers.
00:02:54.000 So four pairs of pants.
00:02:57.000 Too small.
00:02:58.000 Here's what you do when you buy pants.
00:02:58.000 That's terrible.
00:03:00.000 And buying pants, I don't like...
00:03:03.000 Mark Maron, but he wrote a great article for the New York Times Magazine about how hard it is for men to find pants.
00:03:11.000 J.Crew, I like them.
00:03:13.000 Levi's I obviously like, but, you know, denim is thick.
00:03:19.000 And in the summer you want to have something thin.
00:03:22.000 Of course, when you have thin pants, everyone can see your keys bulging, and I solved that problem by having reinforced pockets made.
00:03:30.000 Thick canvas pockets would solve that problem.
00:03:34.000 But, uh, when you buy pants, there we go, um, you have to get them a size just a bit large.
00:03:44.000 Have them pull your thumb out, because when you wash them and dry them, they're going to shrink a bit.
00:03:48.000 Look at his fucking face, Scotty.
00:03:51.000 I hate that type of guy.
00:03:54.000 These, you know, liberal comedians who talk about how, oh, I'm so messed up, and then they just fuck their interns and complain about how hard life is and talk about their therapist all the time, and it's like, woe is me, sympathy, sympathy, and then just, oh, yeah, that's it.
00:04:14.000 Perverts like me, we're just honest.
00:04:17.000 I'm dying to fuck you.
00:04:19.000 Um, but I can't.
00:04:22.000 Anyway, you want to talk about woke?
00:04:23.000 I'm woke.
00:04:26.000 Ooh, that Woodford Reserve is rough.
00:04:28.000 Is it?
00:04:29.000 Yeah.
00:04:30.000 What is he saying?
00:04:31.000 Oh, uh, yeah, yeah.
00:04:31.000 I like beer?
00:04:34.000 Um, whiskey is too rough.
00:04:37.000 Champagne costs too much.
00:04:41.000 I have that.
00:04:42.000 Joyce Manor?
00:04:57.000 When you hear a band, you go, where are they from?
00:04:59.000 Maybe that was a hardcore thing, but you would just compartmentalize every band.
00:05:03.000 Oh, it's part of like, like the Replacements and Who Screwed Who.
00:05:05.000 Oh, they're part of that Midwestern Milwaukee, uh, Wisconsin kind of Midwestern, uh, hardcore band, like, uh, with Di Cruzan.
00:05:13.000 Okay, I got it.
00:05:14.000 That's there.
00:05:16.000 Whoa, that's rancid.
00:05:17.000 Oh, I get it.
00:05:18.000 Op Ivy and SoCal and Gilman Street and that whole scene down there.
00:05:23.000 Okay, I got it.
00:05:23.000 That ended up being Phat Records as, you know, they got older and all that stuff.
00:05:27.000 Got it.
00:05:28.000 Oh, it's Cro-Mags.
00:05:29.000 Oh, that's New York City, that scene.
00:05:31.000 Cuban patriots.
00:05:33.000 The San Francisco scene didn't like the New York scene because they thought they were Nazis, but they didn't get it.
00:05:36.000 It was just Cuban expats who tend to be very patriotic and wave American flags.
00:05:41.000 But with all this internet, I don't know if kids do that anymore.
00:05:45.000 So every time we have an opening band, I say, oh, that was four kids from Torrance, California, that's south of Los Angeles.
00:05:51.000 I don't think they give a shit about that.
00:05:53.000 They're more like, what genre is it and are they trans?
00:05:57.000 This is pretty cool, though.
00:05:58.000 Dude, if I have to undo the top button of my new pants... Oh, so the belt's not even working, it's just... No, the belt's fine.
00:06:05.000 It's just holding against the pants.
00:06:06.000 The belt's adjustable.
00:06:08.000 This is England, so you've got all the different bands.
00:06:10.000 Primal Scream are Scottish?
00:06:12.000 I didn't know that.
00:06:13.000 Huh.
00:06:14.000 Arctic Monkeys, yeah.
00:06:15.000 See, that's how I think of them.
00:06:17.000 That's cool.
00:06:18.000 Like, when I think of the Arctic Monkeys, I think of Northern English, I think of Drunks, and... I see Pulp is a London band.
00:06:26.000 Huh.
00:06:27.000 That's a cool trick.
00:06:29.000 But anyway, they're young kids and you should check them out.
00:06:31.000 Very lo-fi.
00:06:33.000 Kind of a sound that's popular in Australia right now.
00:06:35.000 It's almost like a 60's punk kind of thing.
00:06:38.000 Yes, we drank beer.
00:06:39.000 I like beer!
00:06:43.000 Great songs this week that all you non-subscribers have missed out on.
00:06:47.000 We discovered Tom T. Hall.
00:06:49.000 I guess he's from Hee-Haw and I never noticed because I was six.
00:06:53.000 But he's got two great songs.
00:06:54.000 I Like Beer and I Love All the Things You Learned.
00:07:01.000 I love coffee in a cup, fuzzy little pups.
00:07:09.000 I like when he goes, music when it's good.
00:07:13.000 And then we had that awesome band that my daughter turned me on to, Death Grip.
00:07:19.000 I've seen footage!
00:07:38.000 I've been screaming that all week.
00:07:40.000 And at the gym, there's a large gay man who is one of the best boxers there.
00:07:47.000 And so he has authority.
00:07:49.000 Oh, go ahead.
00:07:56.000 Isn't it great not being on YouTube?
00:07:57.000 We can relax.
00:08:04.000 This is one of those bands, it's really just one guy.
00:08:06.000 I mean, the band is there, but it's this one sort of tech genius behind everything.
00:08:12.000 And then there was that cool, boom, boom, boom, what are they called?
00:08:16.000 Harlow?
00:08:17.000 Hallowed.
00:08:19.000 And I can't tell if it's Trumpers, Gen Z Trumpers, taking a song.
00:08:33.000 No, I think they're... But then I see they did a song about Corona.
00:08:39.000 But like a bad song about... I mean... No, like a... Like Put Your Mask On?
00:08:43.000 I think they're cool.
00:08:44.000 Oh no, they are cool.
00:08:45.000 It's just rare that mega kids are... I'm a coomer, I'm guessing this is about fapping?
00:08:49.000 Fappers?
00:08:51.000 So it's making fun of people who beat off?
00:08:52.000 Yeah.
00:08:53.000 I think they're... This song makes me want to become a doomer instead of a groomer.
00:08:57.000 Isn't that funny?
00:08:57.000 With Proud Boys they said, we don't beat off.
00:09:00.000 The real thing is, you're only allowed to ejaculate within a yard of a lady with her consent.
00:09:03.000 So you can jerk off.
00:09:06.000 If you're significant other's pregnant or menstruating or something.
00:09:08.000 But, um... That became more anti-masturbation.
00:09:12.000 No, we're anti-jerking off alone to porn.
00:09:15.000 And then, uh... Then that made our adversaries be pro-beating off.
00:09:21.000 And the Daily Show did a big thing about how awesome it is to beat off, and you're like, wow.
00:09:26.000 Wanker is an insult for a reason, dude.
00:09:28.000 You don't look very cool bragging about how fantastic it is to rub your genitals while watching two other people.
00:09:39.000 Oh, it fueled alt-right anger, did it?
00:09:41.000 Cool theory.
00:09:46.000 That's why Antifa's so chill, right?
00:09:48.000 They're getting their nuts out, and then... I contacted that guy.
00:09:52.000 Really?
00:09:52.000 With the Daily Show guy?
00:09:53.000 Yeah.
00:09:54.000 Uh-huh.
00:09:55.000 No, the one-handed dude who's against using your hands to beat off... Oh, yeah!
00:10:00.000 You correspond to, like, back and forth email?
00:10:01.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:10:02.000 Yeah.
00:10:03.000 Someone blew his hand off for beating off, and now he's very pro beating off.
00:10:07.000 But I was like, you fucking loser.
00:10:09.000 And I explained it all to him.
00:10:10.000 And he goes, oh wow, you really came out strong.
00:10:12.000 And I go, shut the fuck up.
00:10:14.000 It was that kind of talk.
00:10:15.000 This is all via email.
00:10:17.000 And he goes, I get it.
00:10:18.000 You're one of these people who sort of shoots from the hip and comes out swinging.
00:10:22.000 That's not the way I am.
00:10:23.000 And he made it sound like I was just this aggressive asshole.
00:10:26.000 Dude, you went on national television calling out a men's club.
00:10:31.000 So you started it.
00:10:33.000 Don't act surprised when someone calls you and says, what the fuck are you doing?
00:10:36.000 There's John.
00:10:37.000 He's in prison for four years.
00:10:38.000 Anyway, we're off at a million tangents and I tend to forget what I was originally trying to say.
00:10:52.000 Yeah, so this guy at the gym, he's really into disco, and he has authority there.
00:10:56.000 He's an old dude, my age, really old.
00:10:58.000 Every time I say someone's old, they're younger than me.
00:11:02.000 So it's disco all the time.
00:11:03.000 You can't get pumped to disco.
00:11:06.000 You can't get pumped to, boom, boom, boom, boom, get out of my way!
00:11:10.000 Or, I've seen footage!
00:11:16.000 Not ring my bell.
00:11:19.000 Like I physically feel myself getting tired.
00:11:22.000 No way.
00:11:22.000 Yes.
00:11:23.000 That's the one of the songs?
00:11:24.000 Yeah.
00:11:24.000 It's not even late disco.
00:11:25.000 It's like as with disco began.
00:11:31.000 That's terrible.
00:11:32.000 He's like, you get it?
00:11:33.000 Ring my bell.
00:11:33.000 It's a bummer.
00:11:34.000 As soon as I opened the door to the bottom of the stairs and I'm coming up, I start hearing disco.
00:11:38.000 I just go, oh, for fuck's sakes.
00:11:41.000 Alright guys, do some burpees!
00:11:44.000 Alright guys, I want you to start punching each other in the face as hard as you can.
00:11:52.000 So that's a bummer.
00:11:54.000 What a day at the gym today.
00:11:56.000 I have some revelations, by the way, about boxing.
00:12:01.000 I've been drinking Gatorade like I'm some sort of health freak, and I'm doing a great job, and I'm having electrolytes.
00:12:07.000 I'm drinking sugar.
00:12:08.000 It's got a little bit less sugar than all the other shit, but not much.
00:12:12.000 It's got less than Coke.
00:12:14.000 So now I just drink water.
00:12:16.000 Major change.
00:12:17.000 Another change I made recently was I'd have a coffee to try to get myself psyched before training.
00:12:25.000 No, don't have that.
00:12:26.000 You're not you at the gym if you just had a coffee.
00:12:30.000 You should have the workout that your non-coffee body wants you to have.
00:12:34.000 And that's a lot more sort of measured rather than just coming in and then you're like... So those have been my two big changes.
00:12:44.000 And thank God this fucking heat wave is over.
00:12:47.000 But I gotta tell you this story.
00:12:49.000 And that's what I was trying to say earlier.
00:12:50.000 I've learned in these shows that to have a bunch of links and news items and do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do breaking news, it doesn't work with this short segment when we're cutting to ads and stuff.
00:13:01.000 So this is all just shooting the shit, but that's not typical of the show.
00:13:05.000 The show is usually, for those who don't subscribe, just me sneezing.
00:13:12.000 For an hour and a half.
00:13:15.000 No, the show is usually, here's a general topic and then we go through all these examples and pull this up and haven't you noticed this pattern here?
00:13:22.000 I'm very, very happy with yesterday's show where we're talking about this Sikh.
00:13:26.000 Who was talking about George Washington, and he was doing some hip-hop thing, because he's a rapper named Houdini.
00:13:32.000 And he was like, yo, America was built on racism, and he's got his big Sikh thing, and he's talking about how George Washington had slaves.
00:13:39.000 And the beauty of Sikhs is, you look them up, and whatever time they're depicting, Muslims were murdering them.
00:13:46.000 So I'm like, okay, George Washington, let me look up around that time.
00:13:50.000 So the American Revolution was what, 1765 to 1780-something?
00:13:55.000 In 1762 there was a major Sikh holocaust where tens of thousands of women and children were massacred just for being Sikh.
00:14:06.000 And his priority is let's bitch about America and all the horrible things they've done to black people.
00:14:12.000 What about what Muslims did to you, my friend, Mr. Panjam Singh?
00:14:18.000 I also realized something else.
00:14:19.000 You know at the end of that video where he says, and Bollywood, we don't need your support until you address your casteism, sexism, blah, blah, blah.
00:14:27.000 The whole script is clearly written by a white guy who was trying to sound black, but I think that white guy who wrote it doesn't realize that Sikhs live in Punjab, which is not in India.
00:14:36.000 There's India, there's Punjab, and there's Pakistan.
00:14:41.000 I think he thinks there's just India.
00:14:43.000 Yeah, I thought Punjab was a type of Indian.
00:14:45.000 Punjabi Indian.
00:14:46.000 No, if you're Punjabi, you're Sikh.
00:14:49.000 I hope I'm getting that right.
00:14:50.000 Apparently the $20 bill thing, people are like, oh, George Washington isn't on the 20.
00:14:54.000 It got confusing because he's holding up the $20 bill, but he's talking about Washington.
00:15:02.000 But he's actually talking about Jackson.
00:15:03.000 So did he get that wrong?
00:15:05.000 Or was it us?
00:15:07.000 Is he holding up a $20 bill?
00:15:09.000 Could have been a one.
00:15:09.000 Let me see.
00:15:11.000 No, he mentions the 20 a bunch of times.
00:15:13.000 Yeah, I know.
00:15:13.000 I got confused, but people have been writing in about this, this $20 bill thing.
00:15:18.000 Let's see.
00:15:19.000 It's right in the beginning.
00:15:21.000 Yeah.
00:15:22.000 This piece of paper with the thing.
00:15:24.000 By the way, my bartender today, she's a woman.
00:15:26.000 She's, I guess, a barmaid.
00:15:30.000 I love her to death, but she's... I'm not gonna say she's nuts.
00:15:33.000 She's very eccentric and she's determined.
00:15:36.000 Everything is astrology to her.
00:15:37.000 I'm a Cancer and my thing is rising and Sagittarius.
00:15:42.000 She told me today America has an astrological chart.
00:15:46.000 With Scorpio and all that shit.
00:15:49.000 But she also confided in me, and I don't want to blow up her spot.
00:15:53.000 You ready for this one?
00:15:54.000 I don't think you're gonna... I'll pay you a million of these if you can guess.
00:16:00.000 Okay.
00:16:01.000 Ready?
00:16:01.000 What's happening here?
00:16:02.000 Yes.
00:16:03.000 What else did she say today?
00:16:08.000 That's the whole hint?
00:16:09.000 Yep.
00:16:10.000 What else did she say today while holding a dollar?
00:16:13.000 You're never going to get it.
00:16:14.000 I'm George Washington.
00:16:16.000 You are George Washington.
00:16:17.000 No, she is reincarnated.
00:16:20.000 Oh, that deserves a million dollars.
00:16:22.000 And it gets crazier.
00:16:24.000 George Washington's wife, the first lady, she's been reincarnated as this guy that she dated in New York who looks exactly like George Washington's wife.
00:16:36.000 The guy looks like George Washington's wife?
00:16:37.000 Yes.
00:16:40.000 And she goes, isn't it uncanny?
00:16:41.000 And she's holding up George Washington next to her face, and I'm like, not even remotely close.
00:16:46.000 You have, like, angular features.
00:16:47.000 You have, like, a pointy nose and a pointy chin.
00:16:48.000 She's very pretty.
00:16:50.000 But George Washington is more blobby, like a blobby nose.
00:16:52.000 Yes, he does have a blobby nose.
00:16:54.000 So she goes, well, I had a nose job.
00:16:56.000 OK.
00:16:57.000 Oh, OK.
00:16:57.000 So you had a George Washington nose before this?
00:16:59.000 And I was like, wait, did you fuck George Washington's wife?
00:17:02.000 So you have a wooden nose.
00:17:03.000 He had wooden teeth.
00:17:04.000 OK, that's cool.
00:17:05.000 And then I said to her, answer me this.
00:17:07.000 This has been bugging me for a long time.
00:17:09.000 I'm so glad I get to meet you.
00:17:11.000 When the British took over Fort Duquesne and, well, they failed.
00:17:15.000 They were killed by the French and the Indians jumping from the trees and shooting them.
00:17:19.000 I have a giant painting of it in my dining room.
00:17:21.000 George Washington was working with the British soldiers.
00:17:24.000 He was like a hired guy, a hired gun.
00:17:27.000 And I've always wondered when he saw those guys jumping out of the trees and killing the British, is that when he said, you know what?
00:17:33.000 America could do this.
00:17:34.000 I want to be on the trees side.
00:17:36.000 And I want to be shooting down at my fellow English cocksuckers.
00:17:40.000 And we could start a whole new country.
00:17:42.000 And she didn't answer the question very specifically.
00:17:44.000 It was a long time ago, you know.
00:17:47.000 And then she was all about fucking Capricorns.
00:17:49.000 But let's see what Billy holds up.
00:17:53.000 The man on the face of the $20 bill is the same man who once offered up to 325 times that amount for the return of a runaway enslaved person.
00:18:02.000 Talking about Jackson, I guess.
00:18:04.000 Extra bonuses for every hundred lashes inflicted upon that man.
00:18:08.000 Cause George Washington was really hard on slaves too.
00:18:11.000 Yes, I heard.
00:18:11.000 Right, right, right.
00:18:13.000 I mean, the same argument can be made there.
00:18:16.000 Doesn't matter.
00:18:16.000 I mean, people are just...
00:18:17.000 Anyway, that was a fun part of the week.
00:18:20.000 So, sorry to bore subscribers, but... So tomorrow, for example, we're going to do riot porn.
00:18:25.000 We're just going to show X-rated images and videos of Antifa and Trump supporters having sex.
00:18:32.000 No.
00:18:33.000 I'm using porn colloquially.
00:18:35.000 We're just going to go through a whole bunch of riot footage and, you know, determine patterns through it.
00:18:40.000 Because that, you need space to breathe to do that.
00:18:43.000 But!
00:18:45.000 Mid-roll, I would like to say thank you to Johnny Apple CBD, our longest-running sponsor.
00:18:53.000 They were there at the beginning.
00:18:54.000 Johnny Apple CBD is my CBD because Johnny Apple CBD is effective, affordable, and Patriot-owned.
00:18:59.000 We're huge fans of Johnny Apple CBD at Censored.TV.
00:19:02.000 Right now, my listeners get 20% off all Johnny Apple CBD orders.
00:19:07.000 So you go to JACBD.com, use promo code GAVIN,
00:19:12.000 And the gummies help you sleep at night.
00:19:14.000 Tinctures take the jitters out of the coffee in the morning and help with hangovers.
00:19:18.000 And the topical cream is the perfect post-workout remedy, especially after boxing.
00:19:23.000 JACBD.com.
00:19:24.000 Promo code Gavin.
00:19:25.000 20% off all orders.
00:19:27.000 Support Patreon-owned business.
00:19:28.000 Support people who support us, feel as great as I do.
00:19:31.000 JACBD.com.
00:19:33.000 Promo code Gavin.
00:19:36.000 That's our only sponsor this show.
00:19:38.000 What?
00:19:38.000 Yeah.
00:19:39.000 Huh, huh.
00:19:41.000 Maybe we're on our way out.
00:19:44.000 Or yet another business that was closed down by COVID.
00:19:50.000 Yeah, so tomorrow we'll go through a bunch of riot footage.
00:19:54.000 Oh, here's another thing, another thing I've done recently.
00:19:56.000 So I would be lying in bed on my phone looking at Andrew Ngo's Twitter and watching actual Public Freakout and just seeing Riot after Riot after Riot.
00:20:05.000 Then you go to bed and you feel like shit.
00:20:08.000 So I got this new app.
00:20:10.000 Again, this is a free promotion.
00:20:13.000 They'd never be associated with this show anyway.
00:20:17.000 It's called Prey.
00:20:19.000 Prey.com.
00:20:22.000 Pray, believe, receive.
00:20:23.000 Cool.
00:20:24.000 And what you do is, it's got all these things to fall asleep to.
00:20:28.000 It's got a million different things, pray nightly, all this, but I got like the beginning of the story of Noah, Abram to Abraham, and you just fall asleep as someone softly, AMSR, tells you the Bible.
00:20:41.000 They got James, Darth Vader reading the Bible.
00:20:43.000 Oh, that's good.
00:20:44.000 I'm your father, Jesus.
00:20:45.000 Luke 17.
00:20:49.000 So, that's cool.
00:20:51.000 That's what I was doing, the night ones.
00:20:53.000 I'm not interested in James Earl Jones.
00:20:55.000 That's cool.
00:20:55.000 It's free?
00:20:56.000 No, actually, I don't know how much it is.
00:20:57.000 I'm rich.
00:20:58.000 Oh, man.
00:21:00.000 It's not expensive.
00:21:00.000 Why are you saying it's free?
00:21:02.000 You waste so much fucking money.
00:21:03.000 If it is anything, it's gonna be like $4.99.
00:21:05.000 Oh, okay.
00:21:05.000 And you're probably wearing, like, $400 cigar shoes.
00:21:12.000 So now you're just blending all of my bad habits together?
00:21:15.000 No.
00:21:15.000 No, no, no.
00:21:16.000 I haven't bought anything online in months.
00:21:18.000 Well, not months.
00:21:19.000 It feels like it.
00:21:20.000 By the way, I saw Asian John on the way to the studio.
00:21:23.000 Yeah, he's everywhere.
00:21:24.000 And he was going to the cigar shop on Blankety Blank and 7th Avenue.
00:21:29.000 And I go, where are you going?
00:21:31.000 He goes, I'm going to get a cigar.
00:21:33.000 He's with someone else.
00:21:33.000 He goes, we're going to get cigars.
00:21:35.000 I go, you know that that's gay, right?
00:21:37.000 It's a phallic symbol.
00:21:38.000 You're sucking a phallic symbol.
00:21:39.000 He goes, yeah, we're gay.
00:21:42.000 No, he's not.
00:21:43.000 I don't know.
00:21:44.000 A lot of people in New York City pass for it.
00:21:46.000 They're like normal, and then they're like, oh yeah, dude, I just blew a dude.
00:21:49.000 And you're like, huh, weird.
00:21:52.000 Yeah, like John Robertson, the dude who plays the mom in Bob's Burgers, I met him almost 20 years ago now.
00:21:59.000 And he doesn't talk gay at all.
00:22:01.000 Yeah, I know the guy I'm talking about.
00:22:02.000 He's like Pete, what's his name from SNL?
00:22:05.000 His dad's a dead fireman.
00:22:07.000 Pete Davidson's dead dad?
00:22:08.000 Yeah.
00:22:09.000 He's like a Pete Davidson type of dude.
00:22:11.000 Like, hey, what's going on?
00:22:13.000 Like Tim Dillon.
00:22:14.000 Yeah.
00:22:14.000 Yeah.
00:22:15.000 He's like Tim Dillon.
00:22:16.000 And so I was like, Oh my God, her fucking tits are just like the perfect size.
00:22:20.000 And he's looking at me like, I don't care.
00:22:22.000 And I go, how could you not like those tits?
00:22:25.000 And he goes, I'm the gayest person in the fucking world.
00:22:29.000 That one, right?
00:22:30.000 No, that's Eugene Merman, who once kissed me on the lips.
00:22:33.000 That's gay.
00:22:34.000 Cause he said, hey Gavin, how's it going being conservative?
00:22:37.000 This is a long time ago when I was, it was slowly being discovered.
00:22:42.000 And so he made out with me like I was going to go, oh, homosexuality!
00:22:47.000 Right, right.
00:22:49.000 And then you put your hand on the back of his head and he's like, wait a second.
00:22:51.000 No, it's, it's, yeah, I just stuck my tongue down his throat.
00:22:53.000 That's not him.
00:22:54.000 Not him.
00:22:54.000 That's John Benjamin.
00:22:55.000 Okay.
00:22:56.000 You don't know anything in the world.
00:22:58.000 I'm, I'm think, I'm, I'm glad it wasn't that guy.
00:23:00.000 The mom.
00:23:02.000 Oh yeah, the one who plays the mom.
00:23:04.000 Okay, I'll find, oh, this guy.
00:23:05.000 Yeah, you just had him.
00:23:06.000 That guy.
00:23:07.000 Oh yeah, he kind of looks a little.
00:23:08.000 He might look gay now, but 20 years ago he was just like a New York dude.
00:23:13.000 But the way he said I'm the gayest person in the world, I advise people to do that.
00:23:17.000 Whenever Trump comes up in a conversation, like I'm not courting anyone, I got my friends, I got my MAGA dads, got my baseball dads, I'm good.
00:23:26.000 So I don't have any time to waste.
00:23:28.000 So if someone starts shitting on Trump at a bar or something, I just go, I am the biggest Trump supporter you'll ever meet in your life.
00:23:36.000 When I'm shown things he's done wrong, I can't see them.
00:23:40.000 He could rape a kid and I would go, lots of people rape kids.
00:23:43.000 I mean, you'd be surprised how common it is.
00:23:45.000 And then they go, oh, okay.
00:23:47.000 You know what they usually do?
00:23:48.000 They usually go, I don't really know.
00:23:50.000 I don't know much about, like they instantly back down.
00:23:55.000 Um, all right.
00:23:56.000 I have to tell you this incredibly important story.
00:23:57.000 Breaking news.
00:23:58.000 Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.
00:23:59.000 So I'm at the gym today on my water after my great pray Bible sleep.
00:24:05.000 And I hear honk, honk.
00:24:10.000 I'm already mad.
00:24:11.000 Not at the honker.
00:24:12.000 Whatever is being honked at I can tell is egregious.
00:24:15.000 Because it's in a very shitty neighborhood where people are fucking entitled and they double park all the time.
00:24:21.000 All the time.
00:24:22.000 You don't see double parking like this anywhere else.
00:24:24.000 It's sort of in the Bronx area.
00:24:27.000 And I've noticed this these days with the whole, with the rioting and everything.
00:24:32.000 I feel like black people are sort of like, I don't know, this could just be my own prejudice, but I'm sensing that there's this vibe where black people are like, you know what?
00:24:41.000 I built this fucking country.
00:24:42.000 Fuck all of you.
00:24:43.000 This is mine.
00:24:48.000 Fuck you.
00:24:49.000 I'm sure we don't see the middle class ones who are like, what the fuck is going on?
00:24:53.000 But with like the more working class African American people of color, I just sense there's this like, yeah, fuck you.
00:25:00.000 I'm doing this.
00:25:03.000 Almost like Sid Vicious kind of attitude.
00:25:04.000 I'm just throwing a milkshake out the window.
00:25:07.000 I'm done with it.
00:25:09.000 So I look out the window and there's an 18 wheeler that's trying to park
00:25:14.000 by the grocery store.
00:25:16.000 So you're not allowed to park anywhere near the grocery store because it's a fucking loading dock.
00:25:20.000 And the 18-wheeler pulls in there and the pallets, the forklifts come out and they start removing the pallets.
00:25:28.000 It's how grocery stores work.
00:25:30.000 So I look out the window at some white Hispanic driver honking.
00:25:35.000 He can't even get off the main road because there's nowhere to get off to.
00:25:38.000 The illegal parkers have blocked him in and you need a big
00:25:42.000 A wide berth.
00:25:43.000 By the way, if you're not a dad and you're not a get-off-my-lawn type of old dude, this story's going to bore you.
00:25:48.000 Maybe go get an aperitif or something right now, because this is strictly for the dads.
00:25:55.000 So I'm sitting there.
00:25:56.000 I got my boxing gloves on the edge of the window looking down going, what in the fuck?
00:26:02.000 So he can't do anything.
00:26:04.000 And cars on the main road are honking because they can't get past him.
00:26:06.000 And he's like, I'm sorry.
00:26:08.000 He's trying to do my job, and God knows how long he's been on the road.
00:26:12.000 He probably came from, like, fucking, uh, your neck of the woods, Neuberger, whatever.
00:26:17.000 You know, with all his- and he's in traffic, and he's on the FDR, and he finally gets there.
00:26:24.000 And then- I hate this fucking shit!
00:26:26.000 He's almost done.
00:26:27.000 He's probably- he's probably finishing, like, a 13-hour shift.
00:26:29.000 He can't wait to go home and just fucking watch Autotrade magazine.
00:26:35.000 So he gets out and there's three cars that are preventing him, right?
00:26:39.000 First car's a taxi cab.
00:26:40.000 No one's there.
00:26:41.000 He just parked there.
00:26:42.000 There's a million places on the other side of the street or just down a bit.
00:26:46.000 No, I want to park here because that's my store.
00:26:48.000 So that taxi cab driver pissed me off.
00:26:50.000 The middle white car, I can't see what he is.
00:26:54.000 But the truck driver, I don't care what he said.
00:26:57.000 He could have said, fuck you, you cocksucker, move.
00:27:00.000 And he'd be right.
00:27:01.000 If I was that person, I'd go, all right, all right, all right.
00:27:03.000 Chill out, chill out.
00:27:03.000 Sorry, sorry.
00:27:05.000 Am I wrong?
00:27:06.000 I'm fucking up your day.
00:27:07.000 But this guy was, I could hear the guy yelling back at him.
00:27:11.000 And then he goes, as he pulls out, he goes, honk, honk.
00:27:14.000 And he goes, he gives him the finger and goes, what?
00:27:20.000 And that guy did one of these.
00:27:21.000 I want to see a topographical map on who does this, who does this and who does this.
00:27:28.000 Yeah, that's good.
00:27:29.000 What do you do?
00:27:31.000 You know, I want to force myself to do this, but I'm pretty sure I just do that.
00:27:35.000 I haven't done that in a long time, but... This is my culture, my people.
00:27:38.000 Yeah, me too.
00:27:39.000 Thumb tucked in, and the finger... I was going to say the penis.
00:27:43.000 The E.T.
00:27:44.000 finger, like, as anally probing as possible.
00:27:48.000 Fuck you.
00:27:49.000 I do like this one better, though.
00:27:51.000 Me too.
00:27:52.000 I wish this was my people.
00:27:53.000 I know, but I wish I came from wherever this area is.
00:27:56.000 I don't want to.
00:27:57.000 I feel like it's it's Milwaukee.
00:27:59.000 Yeah, maybe Detroit.
00:28:01.000 Yeah, because it kind of looks gunnish.
00:28:03.000 Yeah.
00:28:04.000 I wonder what L.A.
00:28:05.000 is.
00:28:06.000 Maybe it's that.
00:28:06.000 I know my one friend who's like, this is hard.
00:28:09.000 He just did this.
00:28:09.000 He just he wouldn't even point that out.
00:28:11.000 You just be like.
00:28:13.000 Here's another kind of throw middle.
00:28:14.000 You know how Trump says fucking was like fucking this.
00:28:17.000 I make that I'm going to make that my finger.
00:28:18.000 It's this.
00:28:19.000 Yeah, I don't even care enough to flip you off.
00:28:23.000 It is a disaster!
00:28:24.000 If you replayed it and watched it frame by frame, you'd realize one finger was slightly higher than the other.
00:28:30.000 If you check out the photo finish, yeah.
00:28:32.000 The middle finger's in the lead!
00:28:36.000 Gary, Keith, and Ron are watching a baseball game.
00:28:39.000 I'm not naming my team anymore because I'm still mad at them.
00:28:42.000 But I said, it was Gary, Keith, and Ron talking.
00:28:45.000 They're the three guys who deal with that team's games.
00:28:49.000 And I go, are they all married?
00:28:50.000 My son goes, what?
00:28:51.000 What kind of question is that?
00:28:53.000 And I go, Gary, Keith, and Ron, are they all married?
00:28:56.000 He goes, oh, I thought you meant everyone in baseball.
00:28:58.000 Yeah, every single player in every single team are 100% of them all married.
00:29:04.000 That was my question.
00:29:06.000 So anyway, sorry.
00:29:07.000 So to go back to this.
00:29:08.000 So now the cab driver shows up.
00:29:10.000 This guy's still like, honk, honk.
00:29:12.000 And I'm sitting there going, I'm trying to meet eyes with him.
00:29:15.000 I go, what is their problem?
00:29:18.000 And he thinks I'm fucking with him, and so he's wearing it.
00:29:20.000 First I go, and then I have to yell, move your car!
00:29:24.000 So I yell that, and he's like, oh, OK, car.
00:29:27.000 I'm not in a car.
00:29:27.000 I'm in a truck, so he's on my side.
00:29:28.000 And then he just sort of goes.
00:29:31.000 So then I forgot to tell you, the first car was this black lady.
00:29:34.000 She's got a Black Lives Matter shirt on.
00:29:36.000 She seems to be below the poverty line, we'll see.
00:29:41.000 And she comes out, and she's messing with stuff.
00:29:43.000 And he goes, you gotta move.
00:29:44.000 So then he goes to do the white car, and he goes to do the taxi.
00:29:47.000 My eyes are on the white car and the taxi, I don't see what she does.
00:29:50.000 He comes back, now the white car's gone, the taxi's gone.
00:29:54.000 He comes back, she's not in her car anymore.
00:29:56.000 And I'm the same as him, I'm like, what the fuck?
00:29:58.000 They're throwing themselves into the road, gladly!
00:30:02.000 She went into the grocery store to go get something.
00:30:04.000 With the car still- Oh my...
00:30:09.000 You're parked illegally.
00:30:09.000 You could park illegally on the other side of the street and that would have been great.
00:30:13.000 That would have been fantastic.
00:30:15.000 But she couldn't even like go and move so he could finish his job so like six people could get to work.
00:30:23.000 And I'm like what?
00:30:26.000 And now I'm just waiting with my big fat hands perched over the side like a barricade.
00:30:31.000 And yeah, that was my attitude.
00:30:33.000 I'm flabbergasted.
00:30:34.000 At first, I think I'm hallucinating.
00:30:35.000 I don't have my glasses on, right?
00:30:37.000 Because I'm at the gym.
00:30:38.000 But I'm like, maybe her body's shaped like a chair and she has a chair patterned shirt on.
00:30:45.000 I can't be looking at a driver's seat.
00:30:47.000 But I was.
00:30:48.000 I'm looking through the windshield.
00:30:50.000 And then she comes back and she has something that's like this big.
00:30:55.000 Like lunch and meat.
00:30:57.000 What?
00:30:58.000 Or cheese.
00:31:00.000 And I could hear like, I know, I know.
00:31:02.000 It's like, I told you to move your car.
00:31:04.000 It's like, I know you told me.
00:31:05.000 I'm moving my car.
00:31:06.000 And I'm like, what's the matter with you?
00:31:08.000 You turn around.
00:31:11.000 And she doesn't know where that voice is coming from, because I'm up on the third floor leaning down.
00:31:17.000 And I go, what the fuck's move your car?
00:31:19.000 She goes, I am moving my car, motherfucker.
00:31:23.000 Yeah!
00:31:23.000 How dare you!
00:31:25.000 Twelve minutes!
00:31:26.000 I'm not exaggerating.
00:31:27.000 Twelve minutes.
00:31:28.000 Bing, bing!
00:31:29.000 The bell's been ringing.
00:31:29.000 Oh, you can tell.
00:31:30.000 I've missed like five rounds.
00:31:32.000 Oh, wow.
00:31:32.000 Staring at this with my little budgie arms.
00:31:36.000 And she gets in her car and drives away.
00:31:38.000 And eventually, now the 18-wheeler full of fuck knows how much produce and what's the value of that?
00:31:45.000 Probably like two aisles worth of food.
00:31:47.000 Probably like half a million dollars of stuff can finally... pull into its spot because of this one woman.
00:31:56.000 You come across as a bitch.
00:32:01.000 I was yelling at her, and then you don't realize how loud you are when you're yelling at a window in a gym, and then I turn around and everyone's like, what the fuck?
00:32:08.000 What was that about?
00:32:09.000 And I have to tell the whole story.
00:32:11.000 Mike!
00:32:16.000 If you're not a dad, that story is like, so you were yelling at someone who was parked wrong?
00:32:22.000 But if you are a dad, it's like,
00:32:26.000 This is as heavy as it is.
00:32:28.000 This is the same heaviness.
00:32:30.000 Uh, you're staying at someone's house and you feel like it's a little cold.
00:32:34.000 So you turn up in the, maybe at 11 PM you're staying over, you turn up their thermostat.
00:32:39.000 That's weird.
00:32:40.000 Like to 72.
00:32:41.000 And then you, you come down your bathrobe and you see someone's changed the thermostat.
00:32:45.000 That's inappropriate.
00:32:46.000 That's how, that's dad outrage.
00:32:49.000 That's how outraged I was.
00:32:50.000 She had changed my thermostat.
00:32:53.000 Fuck.
00:32:54.000 I mean,
00:32:59.000 Also in the news.
00:33:00.000 Oh, we should probably just end it, right?
00:33:02.000 Oh, it's 33, yeah.
00:33:03.000 So yes, as I say, justiceforliberty.com, we have a new payment structure now.
00:33:07.000 The old one got hacked.
00:33:08.000 The way to donate to Justice for Liberty is to either go to Gavin's Doodles and make a donation on their donation box or bid on one of the doodles.
00:33:17.000 I think the next wave is going to be John's drawings.
00:33:21.000 And I hope those do well, because whether you like Proud Boys or not, or even believe in this cause, it's cool to have a prison drawing.
00:33:29.000 It's closed now.
00:33:30.000 We're going to reopen it shortly.
00:33:32.000 No one wanted that, unfortunately.
00:33:33.000 Really?
00:33:34.000 Yeah, Pissbroom got zero bids.
00:33:36.000 Oh, that one I want, but Pissbroom, okay.
00:33:39.000 I'll take it.
00:33:43.000 So we've raised $9,000, and I've just been sending it to Zenoa.
00:33:48.000 I say, like, eventually if we over-send to you, you'll have to send some to Max.
00:33:53.000 You know what I mean?
00:33:54.000 It's 50-50, Max and John.
00:33:56.000 But, um, she sent a video in.
00:34:00.000 Did I send that to you?
00:34:02.000 Oh, it was that WeTransfer link, right?
00:34:05.000 Yeah.
00:34:05.000 Okay, I got it.
00:34:07.000 Give me one minute.
00:34:08.000 Okay.
00:34:09.000 She's very thankful for this.
00:34:10.000 Now, when you see this video, I want you to keep in mind that this woman and these children have been denied their father
00:34:19.000 for four years and please pay attention to the um the addresses we do at the end of this show these guys when you they talk to me all the time when when you send them just some dumb note some postcard that's amazing it makes their day it's like christmas when you're in there send them a meme send them some dumb story hey get this our local school has diaper day
00:34:41.000 Where everyone at the school has to wear a diaper.
00:34:43.000 It's supposed to raise awareness about the elderly.
00:34:44.000 Like some dumb anecdote like that with the newspaper article folded in.
00:34:49.000 Like just retardation.
00:34:51.000 You can't... Don't send lots of markered up things because the prisons think that you are hiding LSD in the ink.
00:34:58.000 So make sure it's just normal pen to paper or normal printout.
00:35:04.000 I assume newspaper articles are allowed.
00:35:06.000 But...
00:35:08.000 Yeah, these, these four people have been denied their patriarch because he's a Nazi.
00:35:17.000 Why is he a white supremacist?
00:35:19.000 Because he's, well, he's a fascist.
00:35:21.000 Okay, well, that is different, you realize.
00:35:23.000 Well, why is he a fascist then?
00:35:24.000 Well, he beat up anti-fascists.
00:35:27.000 Oh, were they just like in a picnic or something?
00:35:29.000 No, they picked a fight with him, but he, so they wanted to fight.
00:35:33.000 So it was mutual combat.
00:35:34.000 Yeah, but he fought back too hard and he kicked one too long.
00:35:37.000 Oh, so that guy must have sued him or pressed charges?
00:35:40.000 No, that guy went home, told the cops to fuck off.
00:35:43.000 Like, this is one of the most egregious examples of... Wait, that doesn't look like the right one.
00:35:49.000 It was the only one.
00:35:51.000 Ah, shit, that's a different one.
00:35:52.000 Oh, really?
00:35:53.000 Yeah.
00:35:54.000 But let's see that one.
00:35:55.000 I think they're both very similar.
00:35:56.000 Okay.
00:36:00.000 Hello!
00:36:02.000 This is ZZ Kinsman and John and I, we have three beautiful children.
00:36:07.000 This is Liberty, JJ, and Zola.
00:36:14.000 Say hi!
00:36:15.000 Hi!
00:36:15.000 And we are very grateful for all the donations and support that you guys have given us through this really tough time.
00:36:21.000 The kids haven't seen him since December.
00:36:23.000 Liberty hasn't seen him since October and so it's been a little hard and we're really appreciative of all the help we've gotten.
00:36:31.000 She's good, right?
00:36:36.000 That's good.
00:36:37.000 She should do a show.
00:36:38.000 That'd be cool.
00:36:39.000 Why don't we get her on the network?
00:36:59.000 Like she never, you know, she never stutters.
00:37:01.000 When she did that video that's on Justice for Liberty, that was just one take, no script.
00:37:08.000 Off the cuff.
00:37:10.000 Hi, my name is Cece Kinsman and this is my daughter Liberty and her dad, John Kinsman.
00:37:16.000 Isn't it weird seeing them age?
00:37:18.000 Yeah, that's a younger child.
00:37:20.000 Yeah.
00:37:20.000 It's not speaking right there.
00:37:22.000 Defending himself against a domestic terrorist organization, Antifa.
00:37:26.000 Who decided that the night of the speech that my husband attended, that they were going to vandalize the club and leave a manifesto promising... Let's go behind the paywall.
00:37:35.000 So I have another story from the bar, and we will sort of briefly talk about news.
00:37:41.000 We'll talk about this abduction with these kids, but that's not for you freeloaders.
00:37:46.000 Thank you for tuning in.
00:37:49.000 People who have paid, please stick around.
00:37:50.000 We've got a lot to discuss and some phone calls to take.
00:37:53.000 And to both parties, get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.