Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - GOML LIVE #71

00:00:13.000 Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Kevin McGinnis.

00:00:20.000 Honeybody in the mud dress floats down the well and it assumes the shape and the body of a little girl.

00:00:43.000 Here, I recognize that girl.

00:00:55.000 Loneliness that's pretty heavy.

00:01:04.000 A dress floats down the well and assumes the shape in the body of a little girl.

00:01:08.000 I recognize that girl.

00:01:09.000 She stumbled in sometime last loneliness, says Nikki, when he was in the birthday party.

00:01:14.000 And we were carving pumpkins at the house tonight with the kids.

00:01:18.000 My wife was in a...

00:01:22.000 Oh, shit, we don't have a book of the day.

00:01:24.000 My wife was having some trouble with her creativity.

00:01:26.000 Her pumpkins sucked.

00:01:28.000 And she couldn't find any scary movies.

00:01:32.000 So she put on, she just put, I mean, scary music.

00:01:36.000 So she put on this will be fun.

00:01:40.000 Debunk this, Matt Palumbo.

00:01:42.000 Just chose it now.

00:01:45.000 She just looked up on Spotify Spooky and then was playing Spooky.

00:01:49.000 So it was like, and I go, what are you doing?

00:01:54.000 Like, we're spooky experts.

00:01:56.000 Don't play Walmart spooky shit.

00:01:59.000 And I showed her that song, which she's the Nick Cave fan.

00:02:03.000 Deep in the Woods, birthday party, scariest song ever made from the perspective of a serial killer.

00:02:11.000 And then we put that on.

00:02:12.000 So I just realized with all this election shit, we have one more episode before Christmas.

00:02:16.000 So tomorrow has to be our spooky spaghetti and spooky sauce show.

00:02:21.000 Nice.

00:02:22.000 We got to get spooky tomorrow.

00:02:23.000 We have one more day to be spooky.

00:02:26.000 So we got a little spooky there.

00:02:29.000 But guys, I know the world, America is on the precipice.

00:02:32.000 It's on the cliff edge.

00:02:34.000 If Trump doesn't win, the country's over.

00:02:37.000 If he does, the country's permanently saved.

00:02:39.000 I think he can do permanent swamp drainage.

00:02:43.000 So we're fixed.

00:02:43.000 We won't have to worry about it for like another three presidents.

00:02:48.000 But in the midst of all that, it's important to remember that it's time to get spooky.

00:02:56.000 This Saturday's spooky night in a tradition called Sam Hain that predates Christianity.

00:03:02.000 That's a big deal.

00:03:05.000 It's a very white ceremony, and anyone who's not white using it is appropriating white culture.

00:03:14.000 Right?

00:03:15.000 I would say.

00:03:16.000 Like, what if a bunch of white people celebrated Kwanzaa?

00:03:21.000 Kwanza.

00:03:22.000 Anyway, debunk this, Matt Palombo, great researcher.

00:03:25.000 He did Spygate with Dan Bongino, which was a huge hit.

00:03:28.000 And it just...

00:03:30.000 Shattering liberal lies.

00:03:32.000 He just goes through all the basic tropes.

00:03:35.000 And he's a fan of the show.

00:03:36.000 We've had him on the show before.

00:03:38.000 I just chose this book a few seconds ago.

00:03:40.000 We're wearing shirts from our favorite lawn care company in Florida.

00:03:44.000 Oh, yes.

00:03:45.000 Tags are a little itchy, I find.

00:03:47.000 You can take the tags off, sure.

00:03:48.000 Let's take the tags off.

00:03:50.000 Gilden dry blend.

00:03:52.000 I love a Gilden shirt.

00:03:53.000 And we like to.

00:03:54.000 You like to LARP as a bunch of shit.

00:03:56.000 I like to LARP as a blue-collar guy.

00:03:58.000 And fluorescent colors.

00:04:00.000 Fluorescent colors are very LARPy, although the watch kind of ruins it.

00:04:04.000 This Bobby from Bobby from the Proud Boys Hurricane Haba down in Florida.

00:04:14.000 He thought it was short.

00:04:14.000 You guys should be doxing him.

00:04:15.000 Did you see him?

00:04:16.000 No, he said, promote me, man.

00:04:18.000 Go on.

00:04:18.000 Give me a shout out.

00:04:19.000 He's like, I've been doxxed left, right up.

00:04:20.000 Now, he's so awesome.

00:04:21.000 Him and his family roll.

00:04:23.000 He was there at the flotilla.

00:04:25.000 So he's in the video.

00:04:25.000 You can catch him in the background there.

00:04:27.000 Great guy.

00:04:28.000 And then he also sent safety green.

00:04:31.000 There's bags under my eyes, dude.

00:04:34.000 Safety green.

00:04:35.000 Isn't this safety?

00:04:37.000 No.

00:04:37.000 Well, it is probably safety orange.

00:04:42.000 The glasses hide the bags.

00:04:43.000 I mean, you look good.

00:04:44.000 Thanks, man.

00:04:45.000 Thanks, dude.

00:04:47.000 Before we get started, Johnny Apple CBD.

00:04:49.000 Johnny Apple CD is my CBD because it is effective and affordable.

00:04:52.000 Johnny Apple is the MAGA to the max CBD, and they support Sensor.tv, so we support them.

00:04:58.000 Johnny Apple CBD gummies are delicious.

00:05:00.000 They help you sleep.

00:05:02.000 Johnny Apple CBD Tincture decreases your chance of getting a hangover.

00:05:05.000 And the tincture takes the jitters out of your morning coffee.

00:05:08.000 Johnny Apple CBD topicals soothe the muscles and they smell great.

00:05:13.000 Not your muscles, the topicals.

00:05:15.000 But your muscles will smell great with the topicals on it.

00:05:17.000 It's true.

00:05:18.000 Right now, my listeners get 20% off JohnnyApple CBD.

00:05:21.000 Go to jacbd.com, enter promo code GAVIN for 20% off.

00:05:25.000 Start your Christmas shopping early and support Patriot-owned business.

00:05:29.000 jacbd.com promo code gavin 20 off all orders i called garrett from compound media to come up here and fix this fucking terrible sound because it's sound with you do you have the gain on no the well gate the gate is off the gate is off i don't like gate when i watch mets games they when they talk the crowd is silenced so you hear yeah we're gonna be here and it's really irritating right just have the crowd in the

00:06:29.000 him joe beden Okay.

00:06:30.000 Oh, I thought of a fucking really irritating name recently.

00:06:34.000 Okay.

00:06:34.000 Chasin.

00:06:36.000 That's terrible.

00:06:37.000 I said it to Johnny, my son, and he went like this.

00:06:41.000 Like, I think it's better than just Juicy Smollett.

00:06:45.000 Jussie Smollett.

00:06:46.000 That's a name already.

00:06:47.000 Chasin.

00:06:48.000 Is it?

00:06:49.000 Oh, yeah.

00:06:50.000 There's a guy named Chasin?

00:06:51.000 Chasin is a boy's name meaning hunter.

00:06:54.000 Dude, that's a California name.

00:06:56.000 I'm too on the nose there.

00:06:58.000 Chasin.

00:06:59.000 I knew a hunter.

00:07:00.000 I knew a, like a Jeff with one F. A Spencer.

00:07:05.000 A Jeff with one F?

00:07:06.000 Yeah.

00:07:07.000 Yeah.

00:07:07.000 Guess what the other F is for?

00:07:10.000 Fuck off, Jeff.

00:07:12.000 A Jeff with one F?

00:07:13.000 Yeah.

00:07:14.000 I couldn't be friends with Jeff.

00:07:15.000 All of their names were so odd.

00:07:17.000 You know, like.

00:07:18.000 If I was drowning and a guy named Jeff with one F saved my life, I would jump back in.

00:07:23.000 I wouldn't want to be beholden to a Jeff.

00:07:27.000 Jeff.

00:07:28.000 Jeff.

00:07:29.000 Jeff.

00:07:30.000 That's terrible, isn't it?

00:07:31.000 That's the worst.

00:07:32.000 Jeff.

00:07:34.000 How do you say it?

00:07:35.000 Ew, dude, Garen.

00:07:36.000 Garen?

00:07:37.000 Oh, my God.

00:07:39.000 Brody with two E's.

00:07:40.000 Brody with two E's?

00:07:42.000 Oh, there's your chasing.

00:07:43.000 Which one's worse?

00:07:44.000 Was it the E N or the O's?

00:07:44.000 I think Owen is worse.

00:07:45.000 That is worse.

00:07:46.000 Yeah.

00:07:47.000 When that whole shit happened with Juicy Small A, Dave Chappelle goes, at least we can stop pretending that Jussie is our name.

00:07:55.000 What did he say?

00:07:56.000 At least we can stop calling him Jussie.

00:07:58.000 Yeah.

00:08:01.000 So, as you know, this is the way the show works.

00:08:03.000 On Wednesdays, it's live as live can be.

00:08:06.000 Every show is live, but this is live, live.

00:08:09.000 Jimmy Kimmel Live is recorded at 5.

00:08:12.000 This is as live as live can be.

00:08:13.000 If I got shot, the show stops.

00:08:16.000 Hint, hint.

00:08:19.000 And then so the first half hour is a free audio podcast.

00:08:23.000 You're still uploading those audio podcasts, right?

00:08:25.000 Oh, yeah.

00:08:26.000 And we have some sponsors.

00:08:28.000 We don't really get to a lot of news because there's not that much to squeeze into the first half hour.

00:08:34.000 And then we talk from 9 to 10.

00:08:35.000 And then at 10, we take your calls.

00:08:37.000 As we take your calls, I do some dudes.

00:08:40.000 I fuck guys up the butt.

00:08:43.000 I show that.

00:08:44.000 So, no, I do some doodles.

00:08:46.000 Sorry.

00:08:47.000 And the links for that are at censored.tv.

00:08:49.000 The doodles are for sale.

00:08:50.000 They're auctioned off.

00:08:51.000 I just did Sherrod Small's podcast, Race Wars.

00:08:55.000 And Sherrod, a guy I know very well, was asking me why Proud Boys are racist and why are they black Proud Boys.

00:09:01.000 And, I mean, there's two camps, really.

00:09:07.000 There's the people who are rational and understand the truth.

00:09:10.000 And then there's these others that you go, well, like, what should I do?

00:09:13.000 Just tattoo I'm not racist on my forehead?

00:09:17.000 And then I got into it with Karen, of course.

00:09:20.000 She doesn't want a man.

00:09:21.000 Her ovaries are not drying up.

00:09:23.000 She's doing great.

00:09:25.000 Kurt Metzger did not waste the best years of her life by dating her for seven years in her 20s.

00:09:30.000 And she's a successful writer that you've never heard of.

00:09:34.000 Terrible.

00:09:39.000 It reminds me of that letter that guy sent where he goes.

00:09:43.000 He goes, I'm sorry, she goes.

00:09:45.000 She sent me some long writing to look at.

00:09:48.000 The grammar was a nightmare, and it was way too long, and it was a rambling mess.

00:09:51.000 And I said, just fucking become a waitress or a barmaid.

00:09:56.000 You meet a lot of guys that way, and then you'll meet a guy who has a crush on you.

00:10:00.000 You'll get to know him because he's a regular.

00:10:01.000 He'll marry you and you'll be fine.

00:10:03.000 And she goes, thanks, I did that.

00:10:07.000 I'm married now.

00:10:08.000 It worked.

00:10:10.000 I got a few cool letters like that.

00:10:12.000 Hey, why don't we jump ahead to the mail just for fun?

00:10:16.000 Alrighty.

00:10:17.000 Go with the graphic?

00:10:18.000 I got a letter from this guy named Joe who got me the Budweiser golf bag.

00:10:22.000 Wow.

00:10:23.000 No, no, don't go with the graphic.

00:10:25.000 Okay.

00:10:25.000 We're not doing the mailbag.

00:10:28.000 Yeah, we are.

00:10:28.000 Let's do the mailbag.

00:10:30.000 Oh.

00:10:30.000 Never been done.

00:10:31.000 No.

00:10:31.000 This is the thing about the working class.

00:10:34.000 Us working class guys, we take risks.

00:10:37.000 Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.

00:10:42.000 Let's turn the price together.

00:10:45.000 It's mailbag.

00:10:48.000 Let me touch it.

00:10:49.000 You know, it's possible that a lot of these people who only hear the audio podcast have never heard the mailbag before.

00:10:54.000 It's a good teaser to bring them in.

00:10:57.000 You know what?

00:10:58.000 If you've never heard the mailbag before, I think it's time you heard it.

00:11:01.000 Well, I have to edit this then.

00:11:03.000 Are you ready?

00:11:03.000 Who wants to hear the mailbag?

00:11:05.000 Are you doing good, Giuliani?

00:11:08.000 Are you fixing your mic?

00:11:11.000 Oh, grody.

00:11:12.000 You have your headphones on.

00:11:13.000 Is that making a sound?

00:11:14.000 Yeah, it is making a sound.

00:11:15.000 That's the mailbag.

00:11:16.000 It actually sounds like balls.

00:11:18.000 I don't know how to.

00:11:20.000 Dude, I listen to your podcast.

00:11:21.000 It sounds like balls.

00:11:22.000 Oh, yeah, the audio's fucked up.

00:11:24.000 No, no, no, no.

00:11:24.000 It literally sounds like testicles are being hit on the mic.

00:11:28.000 They are.

00:11:28.000 We did that.

00:11:29.000 It's called the mailbag.

00:11:31.000 Oh, that's gay.

00:11:32.000 No, it's not.

00:11:34.000 I didn't like it.

00:11:35.000 Having balls isn't gay.

00:11:37.000 Holy shit.

00:11:38.000 What?

00:11:39.000 One of my pubes got caught in the mesh of the mic, and it's hanging.

00:11:46.000 Oh, my God.

00:11:47.000 Just kidding.

00:11:49.000 I do see hair popping out of it.

00:11:50.000 You see those little, like, thin, silvery.

00:11:55.000 Maybe.

00:11:55.000 God, maybe Gary is.

00:11:56.000 Ryan is so dumb that you'll do a dumb prank like that and he'll go.

00:12:00.000 No, no, I see it.

00:12:00.000 He'll go, yeah, I see the pubes.

00:12:02.000 I do see a white hair.

00:12:03.000 He invented them.

00:12:04.000 You can't have seen them.

00:12:06.000 So do you have this letter from Joe?

00:12:08.000 Let's see here.

00:12:10.000 Did I send it to you?

00:12:12.000 I think you did.

00:12:14.000 Yeah, I think he CC'd you.

00:12:16.000 Yeah.

00:12:17.000 So like right out of a dream.

00:12:20.000 No, it was sent to the mailbag.

00:12:22.000 Okay.

00:12:22.000 But I forwarded it to you at 4.29 p.m.

00:12:25.000 Oh, wow, that's glorious.

00:12:26.000 Like a dream.

00:12:28.000 Like, this is better than being a billionaire.

00:12:30.000 Someone heard my sob story about the fucking golf bag.

00:12:34.000 By the way, I spent an hour and 20 minutes on eBay today trying to complain about this guy who refuses to give me my money back.

00:12:42.000 There's no customer service.

00:12:43.000 There's no email.

00:12:44.000 Every time you go into help, it routes you back to the website, which will not help you.

00:12:50.000 And it just gives you these essays on how to deal with the seller.

00:12:53.000 The seller says, hey, Mr. McInnes, you sent me back a coffee grinder, a wheelbarrow wheel, and The lid of a bleach wipes thing in a box that's too small for a golf bag.

00:13:03.000 And I go, Yeah, that's what you sent me.

00:13:08.000 So the only way he could not be lying is someone at UPS takes his label off, steals the golf bag, puts it on a new smaller box with some crap in it, which I guess is possible, but can't we track that in UPS?

00:13:24.000 Because I have a video on one of my home cameras at my house of the UPS guy getting out of the truck and walking to my door with this shitty box.

00:13:33.000 No, he's sus.

00:13:34.000 Anyway.

00:13:35.000 He's ejected.

00:13:36.000 I'll keep trying because technically he has till tonight at midnight to pay me back.

00:13:40.000 But anyway, someone wrote in, Dear Gavin, and they call you Faggot.

00:13:43.000 That's just hard.

00:13:45.000 I was touched by your failed attempt of acquiring the highly sought-after vintage red leather Budweiser bag after a long Adderall-fueled night of combing the web.

00:13:52.000 I found not one, but a few for sale throughout the country via FB Marketplace.

00:13:56.000 I'm banned from Facebook, so I don't know what that is.

00:14:00.000 Naturally, I pursued the best available, mint condition, used only a few times.

00:14:03.000 Anyways, it's yours.

00:14:05.000 Wow.

00:14:06.000 Again, I just ejaculated.

00:14:07.000 So we just had gay sex.

00:14:09.000 Look at how mint conditioned that is.

00:14:12.000 I think it has an original tag on there.

00:14:14.000 Look at that.

00:14:16.000 No, I can't be original.

00:14:17.000 Look at that.

00:14:18.000 I don't know.

00:14:18.000 It's the guy.

00:14:20.000 It's the guy's whatever.

00:14:23.000 Golf club.

00:14:24.000 It's pretty legit.

00:14:26.000 And the cover, most people don't retain the cover.

00:14:29.000 You never use the cover, but he's got it.

00:14:32.000 Sir, this is gay.

00:14:33.000 You just made me ejaculate.

00:14:37.000 I would consider it an honor to help restore your gleeful fantasies of gloating at the range.

00:14:41.000 All joking aside, you've been very influential.

00:14:43.000 Not only did you red pill me, you helped turn my once working baby mama into my wife and a stay-at-home mom to our three children.

00:14:50.000 This is the very least I can do.

00:14:52.000 Please keep up the fight.

00:14:53.000 I like you more than a friend, Joe.

00:14:57.000 And then he says, have Ryan contact me at Arrives on November 2nd.

00:15:00.000 I'll ship it out that day.

00:15:02.000 Yeah, he messaged me through Twitter.

00:15:04.000 Isn't that fucking awesome?

00:15:05.000 Yeah, that's the best.

00:15:07.000 Wow.

00:15:08.000 Great guy.

00:15:09.000 Great guy.

00:15:12.000 Our second sponsor deserves a shout out.

00:15:17.000 And that is Bet DSI.

00:15:18.000 This episode is brought to you by betdsi.com.

00:15:20.000 The NFL is back.

00:15:21.000 And Bet DSI is where I bet and make extra money.

00:15:24.000 Right now, my listeners get 100% bonus match up to $1,000.

00:15:29.000 That's double your money with promo code GAVIN2020.

00:15:33.000 Bet on the 2020 debates and election with me.

00:15:36.000 Bet on the MLB, NBA, NFL, NHL, UFC, and all other major sports plus politics.

00:15:42.000 Go to betsi.com and win extra money.

00:15:44.000 Promo code Gavin2020.

00:15:46.000 Play, win, and get paid.

00:15:48.000 If you want to win big money, go to betthsi.com, promo code GAVIN2020.

00:15:52.000 First two listeners to email confirmation that they signed up and deposited at betthsi.com with promo code Gavin2020.

00:15:59.000 Get a $50 Bubba and Hanks gift card.

00:16:04.000 And the whole family had Bubba and Hanks burgers tonight.

00:16:07.000 Cool.

00:16:08.000 They were all inhaled.

00:16:11.000 And we had six in a pack.

00:16:12.000 There's only five of us.

00:16:14.000 So I gave one to the dog.

00:16:16.000 And I'm not nice to that dog.

00:16:17.000 I don't hurt him, but I don't give him fucking fancy meats.

00:16:20.000 And so I put it in his bowl and he's looking at me and he looked up at me like, are you fucking serious?

00:16:25.000 Is this poison?

00:16:26.000 Are you giving me a complete hamburger?

00:16:28.000 I get those on my birthday, but on a random day, and I go, just fucking eat it before I change my mind, bitch.

00:16:35.000 Literal bitch.

00:16:36.000 No, actually, it's a dude.

00:16:38.000 A dude.

00:16:40.000 And he took it and he ran away to the back door.

00:16:43.000 Just eat it there privately, just in case I changed my mind.

00:16:46.000 Yeah.

00:16:49.000 But yeah, it was delicious.

00:16:51.000 Now we got another letter that I was fascinated by.

00:16:55.000 I think I just sent it to you.

00:16:58.000 Who was that from again?

00:17:00.000 It was from a guy named Ryan.

00:17:02.000 It might have been the dude playing the drums.

00:17:06.000 The dude playing the drums.

00:17:09.000 Oh, yeah.

00:17:12.000 I just sent it to you recently, shit, dick.

00:17:15.000 I'm looking for it.

00:17:17.000 Well, when I say recently, I mean like within the past hour.

00:17:22.000 Did it not arrive?

00:17:24.000 No.

00:17:25.000 I got one from Curtis that you forwarded me, and that's it.

00:17:30.000 But I was sure I sent it.

00:17:33.000 I'm never wrong.

00:17:37.000 It was from a guy named Ryan.

00:17:40.000 No, you were...

00:17:41.000 Sorry, he sent it to you.

00:17:42.000 That's it.

00:17:44.000 At 10.49 a.m. today.

00:17:46.000 And it's called Gavin Censored in Church?

00:17:49.000 Ryan Rivera.

00:17:50.000 Oh, that was from yesterday.

00:17:51.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:17:52.000 Well, it says 10.49 a.m.

00:17:54.000 Gotcha.

00:17:54.000 Hold on, let me get that.

00:17:55.000 So that's today.

00:17:56.000 Do you not check your email?

00:17:58.000 I actually saw that one yesterday.

00:17:59.000 I saw your reply to it.

00:18:01.000 Yeah, here we go.

00:18:03.000 Yeah.

00:18:03.000 No, you didn't see it yesterday.

00:18:05.000 It arrived at 10.49 a.m. today.

00:18:08.000 So why are you saying it's yesterday?

00:18:11.000 He might have sent this already.

00:18:12.000 I remember seeing this.

00:18:14.000 Today.

00:18:15.000 Unless he resent it.

00:18:17.000 Resent it?

00:18:19.000 Yeah.

00:18:20.000 The other one didn't have the attachment, and it had a link.

00:18:23.000 Here's the full video.

00:18:24.000 Okay, here.

00:18:26.000 Ryan, you're wrong.

00:18:27.000 This was sent today.

00:18:29.000 Stop saying it was sent yesterday.

00:18:32.000 You're always wrong.

00:18:33.000 So anytime you have a hunch, just pick the opposite, and it'll be true.

00:18:40.000 And the opposite of yesterday is today at 10.49 a.m.

00:18:43.000 Anyway, Gavin and Ryan, nice Christian man, doesn't call anyone a faggot.

00:18:47.000 My wife is in the middle of a course on biblical womanhood at church.

00:18:52.000 During Thursday's lecture, they quoted Gavin directly on the nobility of women choosing to be housewives.

00:18:58.000 She was so excited that she recorded this segment on her phone and sent me the clip.

00:19:03.000 See Attached Movie.

00:19:05.000 And then he says two things.

00:19:06.000 One, 54 seconds in, you can literally see her soul leave her body after admitting she's not married, has no children, and works literally all the time.

00:19:16.000 Not unlike the race horse chick we were just talking about.

00:19:20.000 Two, the church has now censored the clip from their website.

00:19:24.000 Here is the full video.

00:19:26.000 The quote should have been at 3738 of the lecture, But it's been cut entirely out.

00:19:33.000 Okay, so let's watch this offensive thing that has been edited out of a church seminar.

00:19:37.000 I'm probably talk about fucking kids and Satan and how the church is evil.

00:19:44.000 Who is a co-founder of Vice Media?

00:19:47.000 Said this quote I want to read to you guys.

00:19:49.000 I think it's really profound.

00:19:50.000 He said, I see the housewife as a far superior vocation to mine and to most.

00:19:56.000 I mean, I make commercials and funny videos and TV shows or whatever, film projects that people will watch for 10 minutes and go, eh, and move on with their day.

00:20:06.000 My wife creates life from her vagina.

00:20:09.000 Maybe there's the word vagina.

00:20:11.000 Maybe.

00:20:12.000 Then she shapes this human life.

00:20:14.000 I'm not saying that you have to have babies and you have to stay in the kitchen and you can't have a life.

00:20:19.000 Nobody is saying that.

00:20:20.000 That is a totally unreasonable thing to say.

00:20:23.000 All I am saying is, why are you trivializing such a miracle?

00:20:29.000 I'm really like that.

00:20:30.000 And for me personally, I'm not married.

00:20:33.000 I don't have children.

00:20:35.000 And I work literally all the time.

00:20:40.000 My point is not that that's a bad thing.

00:20:41.000 My point is that having equal and having equality with men doesn't mean that we have to live our lives a certain way.

00:20:54.000 We have the freedom to choice, to choose, and that's what it should all be about.

00:20:58.000 And employees are not.

00:21:00.000 Her dialogue got worse after she said, I don't have kids and I work literally all the time.

00:21:05.000 Because she's thinking.

00:21:06.000 She's thinking about something else entirely.

00:21:08.000 Again, if you're an oncologist, you're curing cancer.

00:21:11.000 If you're Kennedy on Fox Business News, if you're Barbara Corcoran, if you're Margaret Thatcher, if you're Ann Coulter, you were meant to work.

00:21:19.000 That's 5%, maybe.

00:21:22.000 95% of women are better at home.

00:21:26.000 It's just natural.

00:21:27.000 Today on the podcast, they both started screaming and laughing at me because I said women are better at caring and nurturing children than men.

00:21:35.000 I'm like, I think that's true of every animal besides humans.

00:21:40.000 Like, are male horses better at raising their, what do you call them?

00:21:45.000 Calves?

00:21:46.000 Seahorses give birth, male seahorses, but there we go.

00:21:48.000 Male seahorses.

00:21:49.000 So anyway, just briefly, let's go to 3738 and see where they cut it out.

00:21:53.000 Not that that'll be very elucidating.

00:21:55.000 Hi, I'm Kay.

00:21:56.000 Hi, I'm 3738.

00:22:05.000 Here comes having equal rights and having equality with men, which doesn't mean that I wanted.

00:22:18.000 Oh, I see.

00:22:18.000 They have commercials and shit they cut back and forth to.

00:22:21.000 Looks like kind of a fun thing.

00:22:23.000 Little shower?

00:22:24.000 Yeah.

00:22:38.000 I just want you to understand that you can do both.

00:22:41.000 Do you think I'll wake up one morning and regret not being a lawyer?

00:22:44.000 Yes, I'm afraid that you will.

00:22:46.000 Not as much as I regret not having a family, not being there to raise them.

00:22:50.000 I know exactly what you're doing.

00:22:51.000 Was she portrayed as stupid in that movie?

00:23:00.000 Sure you did.

00:23:00.000 You always do.

00:23:02.000 You stand in class and tell us to look beyond the image, but you don't.

00:23:06.000 To you, a house.

00:23:10.000 Okay, this is where the show gets fucking crazy.

00:23:13.000 Speaking of God, because something freaky happened in Philadelphia that's got me freaking oot, like a freaked oot Scotsman.

00:23:26.000 And I'm glad we're squeezing it into the podcast.

00:23:29.000 All right, so riots in Philadelphia.

00:23:32.000 By the way, Sherad goes, yeah, they shot a guy who was suffering from mental illness.

00:23:38.000 Okay.

00:23:40.000 He was running at cops with a knife in his hand.

00:23:43.000 He goes, they shot him 10 times?

00:23:45.000 How many times have we seen people get shot and get up and beat the shit out of cops?

00:23:50.000 This whole Jesse James thing, where you're supposed to blow out their kneecaps or shoot the gun out of their hand, it's not blazing saddles.

00:23:57.000 Someone's coming at you with a knife.

00:23:59.000 You come at cops with a knife, all bets are off.

00:24:02.000 Sorry.

00:24:04.000 So anyway, idiotic riots.

00:24:06.000 We could go through them for hours.

00:24:08.000 I've seen like nine hours of fucking footage of places burning, mostly black-owned businesses, it seems, getting shut down.

00:24:17.000 But this particular video freaked the shit out of me.

00:24:22.000 And you're about to see why.

00:24:23.000 I'm going to sound like a lunatic right now.

00:24:26.000 I watched this and considered the possibility that God is talking to me and that God wants Trump to win.

00:24:36.000 He's been anointed by the Lord, the creator of our universe.

00:24:41.000 I know.

00:24:42.000 I'm watching this from your perspective and going, this dude's fucking lost it.

00:24:48.000 Okay, so go to 2-3.

00:24:54.000 It's some Jews who are at a BLM rally in Philadelphia supporting the protests.

00:25:00.000 I assume by proxy, kind of supporting the riots.

00:25:03.000 And guys, like these Jews who think that they're part of the black revolution, they don't want you.

00:25:11.000 They don't like you.

00:25:12.000 They're anti-Semitic, radical leftist blacks, Marxist blacks.

00:25:17.000 Marxists are anti-Semitic.

00:25:19.000 Soros is anti-Semitic.

00:25:21.000 He's not a Jew.

00:25:22.000 He doesn't believe in God.

00:25:24.000 And I've always said, like, all these anti-Semites who say, you know, Jews are wearing the media and Jews this, Jews, that, they're not really talking about Orthodox Jews like Ron Coleman.

00:25:34.000 They're talking about the guys who put the brackets on their name.

00:25:37.000 And those guys love to pretend they're Jews, but they're Jews in name only.

00:25:40.000 And how many times have I called them ginos?

00:25:42.000 Like they'll go to synagogue once in a while, but they don't really care.

00:25:46.000 They could give a less of a fuck about Israel.

00:25:48.000 They'd love it to just blow up.

00:25:50.000 Now, usually the Jews who have yarns on and the belt with the tassels, you know they're on our side.

00:26:01.000 You know They're conservatives who love Trump.

00:26:04.000 But occasionally, especially with the younger millennials, they'll get lost and they'll start trying to appease BLM.

00:26:09.000 Sometimes it's out of fear where they want to cover their ass and say, kill me last.

00:26:13.000 But sometimes it's they're betraying their own fucking religion by supporting a Marxist group that wants them destroyed.

00:26:21.000 Anyway, these poor bastards showed up at the rioting saying, me too.

00:26:27.000 And look how well it went for them.

00:26:35.000 Amalek!

00:26:39.000 Amalek!

00:26:40.000 What y'all doing down here?

00:26:42.000 You live here.

00:26:45.000 You live here.

00:26:47.000 Y'all know, y'all know these.

00:26:48.000 We the real Jews, right?

00:26:53.000 Y'all know we the real Jews, right?

00:26:55.000 So that radical notion that the black Hebrew Israelites purport, which is God, when he said the chosen ones, he meant, I think it's like Ethiopia or something.

00:27:05.000 And he didn't mean the people in Israel who think they're Jews.

00:27:08.000 So they literally laugh at the Holocaust.

00:27:11.000 And they say, you killed a bunch of stupid white people who think they're Jews.

00:27:15.000 We're the Jews.

00:27:16.000 So that's a radical belief that is apparently relatively mainstream in urban culture in America.

00:27:35.000 We don't need any solidarity.

00:27:46.000 Tricky situation, too.

00:27:47.000 It's like dealing with bears.

00:27:49.000 Like you don't want to run.

00:27:50.000 You're going to jump.

00:27:51.000 You just got to kind of show strength, show testosterone, and then get out of there.

00:28:00.000 Okay.

00:28:01.000 Go back.

00:28:01.000 What was that last quote?

00:28:03.000 So a nine a synagogue.

00:28:05.000 Revelation so and nine a synagogue is saved.

00:28:08.000 Revelations 2 and 9, synagogue of Satan.

00:28:12.000 So he's saying Revelations 3.9, I believe.

00:28:14.000 So a nine a synagogue is saved.

00:28:17.000 Or maybe he's getting it wrong.

00:28:19.000 So the synagogue of Satan.

00:28:22.000 Let's go to 2.5.

00:28:25.000 I'd never heard of that before.

00:28:27.000 Me neither.

00:28:29.000 The Bible hates Jews.

00:28:31.000 I will make those who are of the synagogue of Satan who claim to be Jews, though they are not, but are liars, I will make them come and fall down at your feet and acknowledge that I have loved you.

00:28:43.000 So it's the same thing a bunch of times in different words, right?

00:28:46.000 So keep going down.

00:28:49.000 And it says, this is the second time in the letters to the seven churches that the synagogue of Satan is mentioned, and the fourth time Satan is referenced.

00:28:57.000 Apparently, oh, 2-9, 2-1-3, so I guess he was saying 2-9.

00:29:01.000 Apparently the Jews of...

00:29:02.000 So he got the wrong citing.

00:29:03.000 He said 2-9, but it was 3-9.

00:29:05.000 2-9 was a different Jew thing.

00:29:07.000 Apparently, the Jews of Philadelphia, like those of Smyrna, made life hard for the believers in Philadelphia.

00:29:12.000 This is not a blanket reference to all of Judaism, nor all Jewish people.

00:29:16.000 Rather, Jesus is indicting a specific group in a specific area.

00:29:20.000 In fact, Jesus said these offenders were Jews in name only.

00:29:24.000 What?

00:29:25.000 How many times have I said Jino on this show?

00:29:27.000 That's crazy.

00:29:28.000 He called them liars.

00:29:29.000 They actually belonged to Satan and served him.

00:29:31.000 I'm not saying, by the way, that Jews belong to Satan.

00:29:35.000 But isn't it fucking mental that this chapter, this portion of the Bible, what's it called when you have a thing?

00:29:44.000 This Psalm?

00:29:45.000 This passage?

00:29:48.000 Is about Philadelphia.

00:29:50.000 They were in Philadelphia.

00:29:52.000 He's talking about ancient Philadelphia, which was in, I think it's what is modern-day Turkey, right?

00:29:58.000 It was Greece back then or something.

00:30:00.000 But this passage is about Philadelphia.

00:30:04.000 Am I going crazy?

00:30:07.000 Go to 2-4.

00:30:09.000 I didn't even know this.

00:30:10.000 When I read it, I didn't know there was an ancient Philadelphia.

00:30:14.000 But that's what Philadelphia is named after.

00:30:16.000 Wow.

00:30:18.000 The town of ancient Cilicia and later, whatever.

00:30:24.000 And it was a...

00:30:26.000 It remains under Philadelphia Minor.

00:30:29.000 What does that say?

00:30:29.000 A Titler?

00:30:30.000 I can't see.

00:30:32.000 See of the Roman Catholic Church.

00:30:35.000 It's tentatively located near Ismi Orson in Asiatic Turkey.

00:30:40.000 Wow.

00:30:40.000 How fucking crazy is that?

00:30:43.000 Am I nuts for thinking that's really, really, really, really weird?

00:30:47.000 That they're in Philadelphia.

00:30:48.000 They're acting like ginos.

00:30:51.000 And the Bible mentioned that, and it was talking about Philadelphia?

00:30:56.000 Just a coincidence?

00:30:57.000 Oh, make them come and fall down at your feet.

00:31:01.000 Yikes.

00:31:03.000 I sent it to Ron Coleman going, am I losing my mind or is this some sort of message from God?

00:31:10.000 And he just sends back the emoji.

00:31:14.000 The shrug.

00:31:16.000 All right, that's enough for the free show.

00:31:19.000 Could have been a message from God.

00:31:20.000 Could it just be a crazy coincidence?

00:31:25.000 But I'm fascinated by it.

00:31:29.000 And that's enough for the mailbag and a biblical story half hour here at Get Off My Lawn.

00:31:38.000 Those who have paid to subscribe, it's only $10 a month.

00:31:41.000 We have all new shows now.

00:31:42.000 Lotus, Yeshida's on the show.

00:31:46.000 We are getting more deals.

00:31:48.000 We have Atheism is Unstoppable, very popular guy.

00:31:50.000 He's constantly uploading stuff.

00:31:52.000 Goad.

00:31:53.000 The list goes on and on.

00:31:56.000 Wayne Dupree, Soph, Soph.

00:32:00.000 We have Dear Censored, where we catch up on your letters, because I only read about 5% of the letters we get.

00:32:05.000 And then, of course, a huge back archive of free speech debates and my old show on CRTV, Milo Yiannopoulos, Copper Cab, all for $10.

00:32:16.000 Jacob Wall.

00:32:17.000 Jacob Wall, you couldn't possibly watch it all.

00:32:20.000 So you should only watch TV, I say, like two hours a day.

00:32:25.000 And we definitely got your two hours a day covered.

00:32:29.000 And the message Of the network is simple.

00:32:32.000 Be brave.

00:32:33.000 You know, Sherrod Small was saying to me on the Race Wars podcast today, which I think comes out tomorrow.

00:32:39.000 He was like, Why did this, if you're not racist, why does this keep coming up?

00:32:43.000 And I said, Because I'm one of the few Americans to, when I hear anything that's racial, I just go, Nah, that's bullshit.

00:32:50.000 That didn't happen like that.

00:32:51.000 And that wasn't white people's fault.

00:32:53.000 I'm one of the few white people who just goes, yeah, no, I'm not apologizing.

00:32:57.000 And that wasn't a thing.

00:33:00.000 And, you know, everyone was fucking slaves, dude.

00:33:02.000 Get over it.

00:33:03.000 Whereas most Americans just immediately capitulate and go, I know, I'm so sorry.

00:33:07.000 What can I do?

00:33:09.000 How much ass can I kiss?

00:33:11.000 Because they don't want to get in trouble.

00:33:12.000 They don't want to get fired.

00:33:13.000 And to them I say, get fired.

00:33:15.000 Get in trouble.

00:33:16.000 Be brave.

00:33:17.000 And never stop fighting.

00:33:23.000 My one and only that's a fucking ugly book cover,

00:33:47.000 Matt Palumbo.

00:33:48.000 Isn't it?

00:33:52.000 What does the inside of the book look like without that sleeve?

00:33:55.000 Solid color?

00:33:58.000 Yeah, like all books, Ryan.

00:34:00.000 I hope the new show is going well.

00:34:02.000 I'm certainly enjoying it a lot.

00:34:03.000 Hopefully this book comes in handy during your debate shows.

00:34:07.000 Matt, P.S. I'm expecting that you'll make fun of my signature during the next appearance.

00:34:16.000 I write in all my books when I read, and it's really just notes to my children, because I assume they'll go through my books one day and see what I had to say.

00:34:24.000 But they're never fucking going through these books.

00:34:28.000 That's a dumb pipe dream.

00:34:31.000 But you know what I was thinking?

00:34:33.000 I was saying this to my wife, and I kind of lied.

00:34:35.000 I said, there's a black mirror.

00:34:37.000 She doesn't like when I talk about myself because all I do is talk about myself.

00:34:40.000 And I lied and said, there's a black mirror episode where a guy downloads his entire brain before he dies.

00:34:48.000 And not only does it have all his stories and everything he has to say, but it also notices his patterns.

00:34:53.000 So when the kids have a question like, Dad, can I go out to Sandy's to sleep over?

00:34:57.000 He goes, no, you haven't done your homework.

00:35:00.000 So you don't really die.

00:35:02.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:35:03.000 That's not an episode of Black Mirror.

00:35:05.000 It should be.

00:35:06.000 There's one very similar to that.

00:35:07.000 There's similar to that, right?

00:35:08.000 Yeah, yeah, where it's like, create the guy.

00:35:10.000 I just said that.

00:35:11.000 And I realized I have that with all of my vice archives, the books, the tacky mag articles, the Gavin McKinnis show, G-O-M-L, CR-TV, this show, which is not over today,

00:35:26.000 but even if it was, I have more Gav than they could ever possibly handle.

00:35:33.000 That's true.

00:35:35.000 So, like, I could die.

00:35:38.000 I still want to be there, like, to hug them when they're sad and all that, but.

00:35:43.000 And all the parenting stuff, it's like you're teaching them how to, you know, do parenting.

00:35:47.000 Yeah, it's so different from, like, when I was, if my dad died when I was 18, what would I have?

00:35:52.000 I'd have a few black and white photos.

00:35:54.000 I'd have to interrogate his friends to get some stories.

00:35:58.000 That's it.

00:36:00.000 Yeah.

00:36:01.000 My great-great-grandchildren have tons of shit.

00:36:04.000 Anyway.

00:36:07.000 Should we get into it now?

00:36:08.000 Should we start the show?

00:36:09.000 We shall.

00:36:10.000 Should we do this?

00:36:11.000 Yes.

00:36:14.000 Here's something stupid.

00:36:16.000 So remember that drawing?

00:36:19.000 Remember that.

00:36:19.000 Ryan hasn't heard of anything, but there was an Instagram account called Support Black Art.

00:36:24.000 And it had a woman carrying these two white heads.

00:36:28.000 Fat black woman carrying white heads.

00:36:30.000 This is 1-1.

00:36:32.000 And they only feature black artists on their Instagram.

00:36:36.000 And I was like, fucking these psycho-losers.

00:36:40.000 So I started following it.

00:36:41.000 It's so good.

00:36:42.000 Oh, really?

00:36:44.000 The art is incredible.

00:36:47.000 And my personal theory with art is I think it's genetic.

00:36:52.000 I think you're just blessed from birth.

00:36:55.000 Like my mother, my dad, my grandfather was a professional painter, very talented man.

00:37:01.000 And my mom wasn't really into art.

00:37:02.000 But I remember as a kid, I would say, hey, can you show me how to draw like whatever, a bunny?

00:37:08.000 And she'd just like, ugh.

00:37:09.000 And she'd grab a pen and draw a perfect bunny, perfectly.

00:37:13.000 Go, something like that, I guess.

00:37:15.000 Like it was just in her blood.

00:37:17.000 And I'm pretty good.

00:37:20.000 But I think that there's these rare talents like skateboarding, can't really be learned.

00:37:27.000 Stand-up comedy, being funny like Louis C.K., he was just born that way.

00:37:32.000 And art.

00:37:34.000 There's people who struggle hard and practice and they get their thing, but they don't have the fairy dust.

00:37:39.000 I don't think this person has the fairy dust, by the way.

00:37:42.000 But some of them do.

00:37:43.000 And when I signed up to this, I was expecting like that fucking Julia Louise Dreyfus thing where, remember that?

00:37:50.000 And he was like a freed slave and he was drawing these stick figures of horses.

00:37:53.000 And you're like, just because you're a freed slave doesn't mean I want to see your shit drawings.

00:37:58.000 But most of these have the sprinkles.

00:38:03.000 And it's kind of anti-racist in a way.

00:38:06.000 Because what I've noticed with the magic sprinkles with skateboarding, comedy, and art is it's not racial.

00:38:14.000 There's not more blacks, less blacks.

00:38:17.000 There's a normal amount of black people who have this incredible gift.

00:38:20.000 No, that doesn't count.

00:38:23.000 Your taste is so shitty that.

00:38:27.000 Yeah, like that's up there.

00:38:29.000 That's nice.

00:38:29.000 Stylish.

00:38:30.000 Yeah, stylish, weird, unique.

00:38:33.000 Looks like mixed media, too, with the borders.

00:38:35.000 They did some sort of...

00:38:36.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:38:37.000 Like, what's that?

00:38:38.000 A weird gold border that changes color.

00:38:40.000 Perfectly aligned.

00:38:41.000 Wait, just show me the whole thing, though, because go up a bit.

00:38:46.000 There was this really cool up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up.

00:38:50.000 There, there, the black guy smoking the cigarette.

00:38:52.000 Black guy smoking the cigarette.

00:38:55.000 Isn't that intense?

00:38:56.000 Yeah, that is intense.

00:38:58.000 There's a few of those.

00:39:00.000 With the red, right hand.

00:39:02.000 Makes me play that song.

00:39:04.000 Don't you like that's the kind of thing you want in your home?

00:39:07.000 Whoa, that's interesting.

00:39:10.000 No, that's gay.

00:39:14.000 So, yeah, this one's cool.

00:39:17.000 Sure.

00:39:18.000 Drawing hands is the hardest thing in the world.

00:39:21.000 He did a great job.

00:39:22.000 He even got, like, the black hands.

00:39:24.000 You know what I mean?

00:39:24.000 Like, more cracks.

00:39:26.000 That Christopher Columbus thing is stupid, but it looks cool.

00:39:30.000 Go up?

00:39:33.000 She's obviously incredibly talented.

00:39:38.000 Anyway, that's cool.

00:39:40.000 So yeah, some people have the fairy dust.

00:39:43.000 And you're not allowed to talk about that anymore.

00:39:46.000 You can't talk about the fairy dust because it implies that some people...

00:39:50.000 It gets into eugenics.

00:39:52.000 And it implies that it's nature over nurture.

00:39:55.000 And the problem with nature over nurture is it implies that some people are just bad.

00:39:59.000 You can't say some people are just good because it implies some people are just bad.

00:40:04.000 And you can't say short Asians are bad at basketball because you're getting into patterns there.

00:40:09.000 And you can only talk about good patterns.

00:40:11.000 Well, I can talk about whatever the fuck I want here on censored.tv.

00:40:15.000 And I've noticed that there's fairy dust.

00:40:18.000 And some people just have the magic.

00:40:20.000 And we should appreciate that.

00:40:22.000 We should sit back and go, holy shit, you're so blessed.

00:40:26.000 How lucky you are to have this incredible talent where you can paint a black guy smoking a cigarette and with just like some scratches and black paint and it looks fucking perfect and amazing.

00:40:37.000 That's a no.

00:40:38.000 It's like very modern.

00:40:44.000 That's just photorealism.

00:40:45.000 That's not interesting to me.

00:40:48.000 I like when it's kind of weird.

00:40:50.000 Yeah, like that's a trip.

00:40:52.000 That person has the fairy dust.

00:40:54.000 God just went, I'm going to try this out.

00:40:56.000 I'm going to try it on you.

00:40:59.000 That's just a shame about hip-hop, too.

00:41:00.000 Like, they have such a kind of a natural gift for singing.

00:41:03.000 Like, some of the most powerful singing ever.

00:41:06.000 Like, Otis Redding.

00:41:07.000 Remember that one thing where he's just a cappella?

00:41:10.000 Heard it through the grapevine?

00:41:12.000 That's Marvin Gaye, fucktard.

00:41:13.000 No, it's not.

00:41:14.000 Heard it through the grapevine is not Marvin Gaye.

00:41:17.000 Thanks for slowing the show down with your total illiteracy.

00:41:21.000 Oh, it is.

00:41:22.000 But no, it's an Otis Redding song.

00:41:25.000 Sitting on the dock of the bay or something.

00:41:26.000 But now it's all rap, and that's all the kids want to do.

00:41:30.000 Sure.

00:41:33.000 And now you lost my total train of thought.

00:41:34.000 You just wrecked the show once again.

00:41:37.000 Yeah, I was talking to a teacher in the Bronx, and I said, dude, I'm looking at this building across from our gym that's being that's, I've watched it built.

00:41:48.000 I watched them dig the hole because I go to my gym every day.

00:41:52.000 And over the past two years, I've watched them like dig the hole, set the foundation, and slowly build up.

00:41:58.000 And it's a beautiful, yuppie building in a shitty part of town with like glass, all glass on one side.

00:42:04.000 And I'm just, I'm so frustrated when I look at it because I want students to be here every day.

00:42:11.000 And I said to him, I go, dude, you should bring your class here.

00:42:15.000 Get an architect or a contractor even.

00:42:17.000 It doesn't have to be the guy who designed the building.

00:42:19.000 Anyone, find like one.

00:42:21.000 I bet you the dude who like puts the rebar in the cement knows about the fundamentals of this entire building, right?

00:42:26.000 He's not going to be like, I don't know.

00:42:27.000 I just show up, put the rebar in there and go, fuck, that's a big building and run away.

00:42:32.000 I'm sure most of the tradesmen who work there know about how this building is built.

00:42:37.000 And I'm fascinated by it.

00:42:38.000 Like, I don't even get the rain part.

00:42:42.000 You're putting up the insulation.

00:42:43.000 What if it rains?

00:42:45.000 Isn't there water now in the insulation?

00:42:47.000 You're outside.

00:42:48.000 You got to wait for three days after it rains to dry out the little bit of insulation you put up?

00:42:53.000 I don't know.

00:42:55.000 Anyway, I said to him, yeah, I wish there was your class was here.

00:42:59.000 And he goes, we actually used to do that.

00:43:01.000 We used to bring our classes.

00:43:03.000 And he's in the South Bronx shithole, public school, not charter.

00:43:07.000 So like the dregs of society.

00:43:09.000 Everyone there is going to be in a gang soon.

00:43:12.000 If he blinks, they're in a gang.

00:43:13.000 And many of them are in a gang.

00:43:14.000 Many of his students only show up for lunch, for the free lunches.

00:43:18.000 And he goes, we used to do that.

00:43:19.000 And then word got out.

00:43:24.000 And they said, why are you taking black people to construction sites?

00:43:30.000 You don't want them to go to Harvard.

00:43:32.000 You think they're not good enough?

00:43:34.000 You want them to go pour fucking cement, which has an element of classism to it, right?

00:43:38.000 Like you want to be a disgusting construction worker like all these other fucking losers and not someone who wears a tweed blazer with leather elbows and listens to NPR.

00:43:48.000 And my answer to that is yes, that is what I want.

00:43:52.000 I do want him pouring cement.

00:43:53.000 I don't want him listening to NPR with leather elbows.

00:43:57.000 So he goes, the whole program got canceled.

00:44:00.000 Wow.

00:44:02.000 How frustrating is that?

00:44:04.000 It's sort of like St. Giuseppe's Pizza over there in Illinois near Chicago.

00:44:10.000 Well, two hours from Chicago, but that's how I place it.

00:44:13.000 Remember him?

00:44:14.000 Joe Pizza?

00:44:15.000 He came on our show.

00:44:17.000 He was giving free, everyone was hating the cops.

00:44:20.000 He gave the cops free pizzas.

00:44:22.000 He got shit for it.

00:44:24.000 Fucking dick, how dare you?

00:44:26.000 What an asshole.

00:44:27.000 He gotten shit for it.

00:44:29.000 So they said, why aren't you giving pizzas to poor blacks?

00:44:33.000 Why are you giving them to racist cops?

00:44:35.000 And he goes, okay, how about this?

00:44:37.000 I'll give them to the poor blacks.

00:44:39.000 I'll give them to the projects also, which is like, don't they already have welfare and food stamps?

00:44:43.000 Are they really starving?

00:44:45.000 And he goes, but I'll have the cops deliver them so we can help strengthen the community.

00:44:49.000 Young people can see cops showing up with pizzas.

00:44:53.000 And he does that.

00:44:54.000 That works.

00:44:55.000 And so I go, that's a great story.

00:44:57.000 So I get him on my show.

00:44:58.000 And he comes on my show and it goes, well, we explain what I just explained to you.

00:45:02.000 He puts it on Facebook.

00:45:04.000 He has his Facebook page canceled.

00:45:06.000 He can't advertise on Facebook.

00:45:09.000 And then the cops call him and they go, yeah, we've been getting a lot of angry calls.

00:45:13.000 We can't do the pizza thing anymore.

00:45:15.000 So that's the end of cops getting pizza.

00:45:17.000 That's the end of the projects getting pizza.

00:45:19.000 That's the end of the community coming together with cops going to the projects to deliver pizzas.

00:45:26.000 That is the future of the left.

00:45:29.000 That is America, if Trump loses.

00:45:33.000 The left doesn't want people getting together.

00:45:36.000 What the left wants to do is nanny you.

00:45:38.000 They want to enforce this bizarre set of rules that end up with a nation come apart.

00:45:48.000 That's what they're going for.

00:45:49.000 And we've seen it.

00:45:50.000 That's what socialism does.

00:45:52.000 We've seen it in Venezuela.

00:45:53.000 We've seen it in Cuba.

00:45:53.000 We've seen it all over the fucking world.

00:46:00.000 That was episode 52.

00:46:02.000 JOML Live 52.

00:46:03.000 That was back when I could drink half a bottle of bourbon and still do the show.

00:46:10.000 Let's have some fun here.

00:46:11.000 That was a bummer.

00:46:12.000 Let's talk about the election and the fucking loser that's running against Trump named Joe Biden, who is...

00:46:18.000 Beden.

00:46:18.000 Joe Beden.

00:46:20.000 Who is retarded?

00:46:21.000 Retarded.

00:46:23.000 What are you doing, you retard?

00:46:25.000 In French Canada, they just pronounce the words with the wrong emphasis on the wrong syllable.

00:46:29.000 So I'd be Gavin.

00:46:31.000 And they'd always say, what are you doing, you retard?

00:46:35.000 1-2, Ryan.

00:46:36.000 What are you doing?

00:46:37.000 Are you watching the show or are you on the show?

00:46:39.000 I didn't hear the 1-2.

00:46:42.000 This is fun.

00:46:43.000 Insurance option that is helping everyone get care that they can afford affordable affordable affairs.

00:46:48.000 That's not carpe donctum.

00:46:49.000 That happens.

00:46:50.000 Insurance option that is helping everyone get care that they can afford.

00:46:56.000 Stick a thumbtack in it, dude.

00:46:58.000 It's like the podium can take a tiny hole.

00:47:03.000 Also, his brain is garbage.

00:47:05.000 1-3.

00:47:07.000 We see him discussing how he had his brain removed.

00:47:12.000 Had a cranial aneurysm on the autopsy.

00:47:15.000 Sorry, his skull.

00:47:16.000 I had two cranial aneurysms, and they literally had to take the top of my head off.

00:47:21.000 I mean, they take a saw and they cut your head off and go in to find the artery that is.

00:47:28.000 One was leaking, the other that hadn't before it burst.

00:47:31.000 The second operation, after the first one, which there was a bleed, they gave me a relatively low chance of surviving.

00:47:37.000 I remember going down to the dock, asking the doc, you know, you're counting the ceiling tiles and you're heading in the operating room.

00:47:43.000 A lot of you have been there.

00:47:44.000 I said, what are my chances of getting off this table and being completely normal?

00:47:51.000 He said, well, your chances of living are a lot better.

00:47:55.000 And I said, what's the most likely thing that will happen if I live?

00:48:00.000 He said, well, the side of the brain that the first aneurysm is on controls your ability to speak.

00:48:12.000 How many is that?

00:48:13.000 Spooky?

00:48:13.000 By the way, that's for our Halloween episode.

00:48:17.000 Where were you?

00:48:18.000 If that was at a luncheon, that kind of discourse is fine.

00:48:22.000 And someone paid for you to be there.

00:48:23.000 It's some fundraiser.

00:48:24.000 But if that was any kind of remotely political event, like TMI.

00:48:30.000 Actually, not TMI now.

00:48:33.000 Look at 1-4.

00:48:36.000 This is his fucking post-brain surgery brain.

00:48:43.000 My name's Joe Biden.

00:48:44.000 I'm Joe Biden's husband.

00:48:47.000 And I am Como's running mate.

00:48:52.000 You all think I'm kidding, don't you?

00:48:54.000 Whoa.

00:48:54.000 Folks.

00:48:55.000 So you know what that was?

00:48:56.000 My name's Joe Biden.

00:48:57.000 That was like Michael Richards with the N-word where he goes, nigger, nigger.

00:49:03.000 And then he realizes what the fuck he's just done.

00:49:05.000 And he goes, you see, language.

00:49:08.000 Words.

00:49:10.000 Some complaints will be false.

00:49:13.000 And I think what he did there was he went, I'm Kamala Harris's running mate.

00:49:18.000 No, she's my running mate.

00:49:19.000 Oh, fuck, I just said that.

00:49:21.000 I'm going to make it my thing.

00:49:22.000 You think I'm kidding?

00:49:24.000 She is my running mate, and I'm her running mate.

00:49:27.000 We're both running mates.

00:49:28.000 We're equal.

00:49:30.000 I mean, I'm the president, technically.

00:49:33.000 I didn't put this in the notes, but did you see her husband?

00:49:37.000 You might have to look this up.

00:49:38.000 There's another sign falling, by the way.

00:49:39.000 This has been happening to him.

00:49:40.000 This isn't even the one I was thinking about.

00:49:42.000 This kind of shit pisses me off.

00:49:45.000 He doesn't pay his fair share.

00:49:47.000 Don't worry about that.

00:49:47.000 He doesn't pay his fair share.

00:49:49.000 Like, hammer it on, fuckers.

00:49:52.000 That is my, I hate shit like that.

00:49:55.000 That's why I'm constantly mad at Ryan.

00:49:57.000 We'll have problems with Skype tonight.

00:49:59.000 It'll be echoing back.

00:50:01.000 I'm having a guy with a brain aneurysm come in here and fix it.

00:50:06.000 Are we looking under parlor?

00:50:07.000 No, Kamala Harris' husband came out and he said, I'm the President of the United States' husband.

00:50:16.000 Something like that.

00:50:19.000 I'm sure if you look up Kamala Harris' husband, it'll be the most popular one.

00:50:23.000 You're probably putting in the search bar, husband says bad thing.

00:50:28.000 No.

00:50:30.000 Now, now you hit news, Ryan.

00:50:34.000 You hit news.

00:50:36.000 Oh, the other problem, too, is...

00:50:38.000 They hide this stuff.

00:50:39.000 They hide this shit.

00:50:41.000 So it's hard to find.

00:50:43.000 Remember if you saw it on the Twitter account?

00:50:45.000 No, it'll be in a previous show's email.

00:50:49.000 G-O-M-L email.

00:50:51.000 So maybe if you look up Harris, it'll just come up.

00:50:57.000 But yeah.

00:50:58.000 And she's done this too.

00:51:01.000 Didn't she call it the Harris Biden campaign?

00:51:05.000 I think Joe's done that.

00:51:08.000 Yeah, there it is.

00:51:10.000 Yeah!

00:51:17.000 Look at that turnout.

00:51:20.000 There's 50 people there.

00:51:22.000 One of the guys is three people.

00:51:23.000 Well, it's post-COVID.

00:51:25.000 Oh, no, it's not.

00:51:26.000 They're not wearing masks.

00:51:30.000 You wrecked it.

00:51:33.000 Go back.

00:51:34.000 Can you go back?

00:51:53.000 Are you married to Donald Trump?

00:51:58.000 Here's a weird one.

00:51:59.000 So Juliani was on Kennedy's show on Fox Business News, and she totally shed all over him.

00:52:06.000 And the Hunter Biden laptop.

00:52:11.000 Now, let me just say something here.

00:52:13.000 It's kind of complicated before we get into this.

00:52:15.000 This is what I hoid.

00:52:17.000 That Sky News in Europe is worth $30 billion.

00:52:22.000 And it's this.

00:52:23.000 Sky News owns Fox News.

00:52:26.000 Fox News is worth about $3 billion.

00:52:28.000 There's some sort of weird law in Europe with acquiring media properties and when selling and buying them.

00:52:35.000 They can't have any contentious properties.

00:52:38.000 So say you're buying censor.tv and we also owned Daily Stormer.

00:52:44.000 You wouldn't be able to do the deal because somehow someone is buying and selling a Nazi site, right?

00:52:51.000 And then you've helped legitimize the Nazi site, I guess.

00:52:54.000 I don't really know the origin of this law or why it exists.

00:52:58.000 So Sky desperately wants to detoxify Fox News and make it more milquetoast so they can sell the whole thing for whatever it is, $35 billion.

00:53:09.000 So I believe the powers, and I've got a lot of crazy beliefs this week.

00:53:14.000 God spoke to me with the Jews in Philadelphia.

00:53:18.000 I believe Joe Biden fucked his kids or at least molested Ashley and Hunter.

00:53:26.000 That's why Ashley is allegedly constantly going to rehab and says she had inappropriate showers with her father.

00:53:33.000 And that's why Hunter is continuing the, whatever you call it, behavior, because that's what happens to the victims of pedophilia.

00:53:42.000 They tend to perpetuate it.

00:53:44.000 My third crazy belief is that Fox News has been instructed to water it down.

00:53:51.000 The Murdoch have said, be open borders, be anti-Trump.

00:53:56.000 You have this reputation as being right-wing.

00:53:58.000 I need you to be left of center.

00:54:01.000 But the part I don't get is I know Kennedy well.

00:54:04.000 I've been to her house many times.

00:54:05.000 I know her kids, her husband.

00:54:07.000 We've hung out, gotten wasted.

00:54:09.000 I talked about her fucking parents' funeral, all kinds of shit.

00:54:13.000 And she's a stand-up person.

00:54:15.000 I almost called her a stand-up guy.

00:54:17.000 That's how cool she is.

00:54:18.000 So she would never capitulate to some bullshit dictum from upstairs.

00:54:23.000 So that is a hole in my theory, I'll concede.

00:54:26.000 But check out Kennedy here, crapping on Giuliani and comparing him to Christopher Steele, who fabricated a fake dossier, gave it to fucking BuzzFeed, wherein Trump was having prostitutes piss on some hotel bed because Obama had been there.

00:54:44.000 And that started the whole RussiGate bullshit.

00:54:47.000 So she's comparing Giuliani to him and comparing the laptop to RussiaGate and the Steele dossier, which is fucking insane because I showed my wife what I'm about to show you, which is Hunter with a kid.

00:55:00.000 And she goes, oh, come on, that's bullshit.

00:55:02.000 You're getting crazy now.

00:55:03.000 Now you're turning into fucking Alex Jones.

00:55:06.000 And I go, okay, so this picture's fake.

00:55:09.000 What about the meth pipe?

00:55:10.000 Is that photoshopped?

00:55:11.000 Because she saw the Malia Obama Coke thing and she goes, that's photoshopped.

00:55:15.000 And I go, okay, so is the meth pipe photoshopped?

00:55:19.000 Like, which we're darn close to the truth.

00:55:22.000 It's a little game I like to play with Muslims where I go, but didn't your prophet fuck a nine-year-old?

00:55:27.000 And they go, no, it was a 12-year-old.

00:55:30.000 So I bait them into saying that.

00:55:32.000 So with the Hunter thing, I'm like, okay, so Malia's Obama's fake, but the meth pipe is real?

00:55:39.000 Like, the Russians are just really good at Photoshop?

00:55:41.000 Is that what you're saying?

00:55:43.000 Anyway, check this out.

00:55:45.000 Sounds like there may be something here that is fishy that is causing Americans, giving the paws and other stuff that might have been completely adulterated over the 18 months.

00:55:58.000 And some could say that you were acting like Christopher Steele, that you were abstracting information.

00:56:04.000 And because...

00:56:05.000 You gotta be kidding me.

00:56:07.000 I was acting like Christopher Steele.

00:56:09.000 That's what it sounds like when you look at the picture.

00:56:11.000 You better apologize for that.

00:56:13.000 I mean, I've been a United States Attorney, Associate Attorney General, mayor of New York City, and a member of the bar for 50 years.

00:56:20.000 I've never been accused of anything, and you're accusing me of being Christopher Steele?

00:56:24.000 I'm accusing you of the peace.

00:56:27.000 What do you want to do to Christopher Steele?

00:56:29.000 And then you are going back and forth between what you are saying is an outrageous defamation of me.

00:56:42.000 Every single thing is here.

00:56:44.000 And I want you to look at it and then you apologize to me.

00:56:49.000 Well, you can come to my office and you can look at it.

00:56:53.000 And tomorrow night, you can apologize to me for saying I'm like Christopher Steele.

00:56:57.000 I told you there are underage girls there.

00:56:59.000 There are.

00:57:00.000 I told you there are documents that show that he's getting 10%.

00:57:05.000 There are.

00:57:05.000 There are documents that show that he's getting half of what Hunter gets.

00:57:09.000 There are.

00:57:10.000 And when they're there, I want you to apologize to me because you just defamed me.

00:57:14.000 Absolutely.

00:57:15.000 And that's outrageous because you have no basis for that.

00:57:18.000 I came on your show in good faith to give you evidence that is being withheld from the American people and I get defamed.

00:57:25.000 That's outrageous.

00:57:27.000 All right.

00:57:27.000 Are you still working on behalf of the people?

00:57:30.000 I think our interview is now over.

00:57:32.000 I haven't even gotten to the point.

00:57:33.000 I don't talk to people who accuse me.

00:57:39.000 That was the last time you and I were on camera.

00:57:41.000 And it's taken this long.

00:57:44.000 And these are the things that I'm talking about.

00:57:46.000 I thought she was so hideous back then on camera.

00:57:49.000 Because I don't let people call me Christopher Steele.

00:57:51.000 I'm sorry.

00:57:52.000 Christopher Steele is a criminal.

00:57:54.000 You're asserting that I'm a criminal.

00:57:58.000 Pretty juicy, huh?

00:58:02.000 What?

00:58:03.000 No, it's not juicy.

00:58:04.000 The Borat thing that she was going to get to.

00:58:06.000 It was a nothing.

00:58:07.000 I never thought it was.

00:58:08.000 I watched it, and there's no stories about it, no updates.

00:58:11.000 They don't say, hey, remember that thing?

00:58:13.000 We were wrong.

00:58:14.000 No, but even in their version of events, he was hitting on a woman who was of age and he wanted to fuck her.

00:58:21.000 And he was single.

00:58:24.000 It's like, with all this hunter stuff, I was like, yeah, he took some sex pics when he was high.

00:58:30.000 Who hasn't?

00:58:31.000 I want, and this is a terrible thing to say, but I was like, I've never caught myself wanting kitty porn before.

00:58:38.000 But remember yesterday, or maybe it was today, I was like, just, I don't, I need, I don't see his ass.

00:58:43.000 I don't need to see some blurred out chick getting fucked from behind.

00:58:46.000 All I care about is if there are minors there.

00:58:49.000 Without the minors, you're just showing revenge porn.

00:58:51.000 You're a simp.

00:58:53.000 And he's looking like a chad.

00:58:54.000 But then Gateway pundit Joe Hoft, Jim Hoft's brother, came out with this today.

00:58:59.000 And it looks really bad.

00:59:03.000 This is the next thing, chronologically, on the show.

00:59:08.000 Hunter Biden pictures of himself disrobed and exposed with a certain minor.

00:59:12.000 We don't know who the minor is.

00:59:14.000 It's looking like his niece.

00:59:16.000 But scroll down.

00:59:18.000 So they showed more pictures before, but they stopped showing them because it's a very contentious thing, right?

00:59:24.000 Like on the one hand, you want to say he fucked a kid, but on the other hand, if it's his niece, you don't want to ruin her life.

00:59:30.000 She was 14.

00:59:32.000 She hasn't done anything wrong.

00:59:35.000 But keep scrolling.

00:59:37.000 So you want to protect her.

00:59:38.000 You also don't want to show her new.

00:59:39.000 Like, this could be her whole life forever.

00:59:41.000 She commits suicide.

00:59:42.000 But here's the picture.

00:59:44.000 Now, it's hard to see here, but that blue blob in the background is a minor.

00:59:54.000 She kind of looks like a dismembered torso there.

00:59:57.000 You can check out the article yourself and see.

01:00:00.000 You can kind of make out, like, I think her leg is going off the other side of the bed.

01:00:03.000 She has a blue shirt on, and then her head is blurred.

01:00:06.000 But I've seen this original picture, and Hunter has his cock out.

01:00:11.000 Now, try to think, go back to the picture.

01:00:15.000 Try to think of a, no, go zoom out.

01:00:19.000 Try to think of a scenario where a 14-year-old, even your own kid, whatever, would be nude and you're standing there.

01:00:30.000 This doesn't look like a paparazzi thing.

01:00:32.000 So he looks like he's posing, right?

01:00:35.000 Or even if it was a paparazzi thing.

01:00:37.000 Why would you be in that state of dress, that state of undress, next to a child?

01:00:45.000 Like I walk around, like I sleep in the nude.

01:00:48.000 If I'm walking from the house to the shower, there's a kid walking by and the other, one of my kids going from like their room to the other room, there might be a nude me in the foreground and a kid walking by, but that's not this.

01:01:00.000 This is a man just standing there and a young girl.

01:01:04.000 And this, by the way, according to Gateway Pundit, is one of many images.

01:01:08.000 And it's not his kid.

01:01:11.000 So I shouldn't say it's not his kid.

01:01:13.000 I don't think it's his kid.

01:01:14.000 I think it's his niece, but I don't know.

01:01:16.000 But isn't that fucked up?

01:01:18.000 Help me out here, Ryan.

01:01:21.000 We're being very conspiratorial in tonight's show.

01:01:23.000 So let's pull back.

01:01:25.000 Let's de-Alex Jones ourselves.

01:01:27.000 Let's try to innocentify this photograph.

01:01:31.000 Like, to me, this is the errant thread that unravels the whole sweater.

01:01:34.000 There exists no photo in my life, in my hard drive, on my wife's hard drive, of me in this state with my child on my bed behind me.

01:01:44.000 And that's my child.

01:01:46.000 That's different from my niece.

01:01:48.000 And that would be the only plausible.

01:01:49.000 My fucking niece?

01:01:50.000 I don't think I would have my shirt off around my niece.

01:01:53.000 And that's the cousins.

01:01:54.000 I don't have a niece.

01:01:55.000 That's the good scenario where that's not a random kid.

01:02:03.000 That's like the best case for this picture.

01:02:05.000 And it's still horrible.

01:02:06.000 Right?

01:02:07.000 Yeah.

01:02:09.000 And if you check out this article, there's tons of talk of his wife, I think.

01:02:14.000 Either his wife or his brother's wife talking about how they don't want him around the kids and how it's all a lie.

01:02:21.000 And then they have Joe Biden's brother, I think his name's Jim Biden, saying, I believe you.

01:02:26.000 She told Pop that she would call the police if I tried to see you.

01:02:30.000 There's another one.

01:02:31.000 Pop is Joe Biden.

01:02:32.000 Won't let me see.

01:02:34.000 Can you, and Donald Trump Jr. keeps bringing this up, can you fucking imagine if this was Donald Trump or Eric Trump?

01:02:41.000 Donald Trump Jr. or Eric Trump?

01:02:44.000 Can you even imagine?

01:02:46.000 Don't imagine it.

01:02:47.000 The building you're in will explode if you imagine that.

01:02:51.000 It's the plutonium of imagines.

01:02:57.000 What's 1-7?

01:02:58.000 I forgot.

01:03:00.000 I just wrote in my notes, what's going on?

01:03:05.000 Oh, yeah.

01:03:07.000 So Hunter Biden, the son of former vice president, rapes not only his niece, but also the daughter of former president, and the media is silent.

01:03:14.000 Yeah, so the other rumor is that he fucked Mali Obama up the ass, because there's a picture of her credit card, which my wife says is photoshopped, and Coke lined up, and then a picture of him fucking a black girl from behind, and their hair looks very similar.

01:03:31.000 But you got to admit, like, this was given to the FBI.

01:03:34.000 The only reason we know any of this is because the laptop repair place fucking duplicated it.

01:03:42.000 He handed it over to the FBI.

01:03:44.000 If that was the only copy, none of this would exist.

01:03:48.000 It's funny having a liberal wife because I keep saying this and she's just like, ow, ow.

01:03:52.000 It's almost like I'm saying the name Chasin to her.

01:03:55.000 She just keeps going, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

01:03:59.000 And the FBI hid it.

01:04:02.000 The FBI gave the Hunter Biden laptop to the USAO in Joe Biden's home state in order to bury it.

01:04:07.000 And that's exactly what happened.

01:04:10.000 You know, in a way, that's a whole other controversy.

01:04:14.000 That should be a whole other scandal.

01:04:16.000 Fuck Hunter Biden.

01:04:18.000 Let's make him John Wayne Gacy.

01:04:20.000 Let's make him a shoplifter.

01:04:22.000 Let's pretend Ashley Biden shoplifted and the FBI hid it.

01:04:26.000 That's fucked up.

01:04:30.000 The vice president's son can fuck chicks.

01:04:33.000 So, so far the only solid evidence I've seen, and it's solid, is that strange picture I just showed you with promises that there's more pictures.

01:04:42.000 These strange texts where he's being accused of being inappropriate.

01:04:47.000 A strange email where he's saying to, I think, his therapist that he regrets putting some relative that's underage in a sexually compromising situation because he was doing drugs and he was nude.

01:04:59.000 Why is he nude all the Time taking pictures of himself.

01:05:02.000 He does have a great schlong.

01:05:04.000 I will concede.

01:05:05.000 I wasn't impressed.

01:05:06.000 There's one with him with a ruler.

01:05:09.000 Remember?

01:05:10.000 It was like he's barely to seven?

01:05:12.000 And then it was like seven inches is a very good dick.

01:05:16.000 And then, what was the song that we to parody?

01:05:20.000 Rick.

01:05:21.000 Who's got the 10 and a half?

01:05:22.000 It's a live black flag album.

01:05:24.000 But like, this paper is 8.5 by 11, right?

01:05:28.000 So that's 8.5 inches.

01:05:29.000 So let's say 7 is here.

01:05:31.000 That's a very good dick.

01:05:34.000 Look at that.

01:05:35.000 That's a good dick.

01:05:37.000 That's a hell of a dick.

01:05:39.000 This?

01:05:41.000 How about this?

01:05:43.000 I mean...

01:05:45.000 You don't really, after a certain point, you don't need much more.

01:05:48.000 No, I mean, every guy wants this as a dick.

01:05:50.000 And you're just bottoming out.

01:05:51.000 That's a great cock.

01:05:55.000 But outside of, obviously, the raping the nieces, we have the business corruption that the media is totally ignoring.

01:06:03.000 And it's funny, too, because Howard Stern is doing Cocktober.

01:06:07.000 And they're a political show.

01:06:09.000 They're into social justice.

01:06:12.000 This month is dedicated to penis news.

01:06:15.000 I'm just calling it a newspaper.

01:06:16.000 They're totally ignoring it.

01:06:19.000 I would say this is penis news.

01:06:20.000 This is pretty penisy.

01:06:27.000 We don't say that.

01:06:31.000 I get calls from my father to tell me that the New York Times is calling, but my old partner Eric, who literally has done me harm for I don't know how long, is the one taking the calls because my father will not stop sending the calls to Eric.

01:06:47.000 I have another New York Times reported calling about my representation of the, literally, Dr. Patrick Go, the fucking spy chief of Texas, who started the company that my partner,

01:07:04.000 who was worth $323 billion, founded.

01:07:10.000 And is now missing.

01:07:12.000 The richest man in the world is missing.

01:07:14.000 It was my partner.

01:07:16.000 He was missing since I last saw him in his $58 million apartment and signed a $4 billion deal to build the fucking largest fucking LNG port in the world.

01:07:30.000 And I am receiving calls from the Southern District of New York, from the U.S. Attorney himself.

01:07:37.000 My best friend in business, Devin, has named me as a witness without telling me in a criminal case.

01:07:46.000 And my father without telling me.

01:07:54.000 And my father.

01:07:55.000 Sounds like Joe, too.

01:07:58.000 We're almost done with this.

01:08:00.000 Here's his finances, 2-0.

01:08:04.000 Here's proof of the 84,000.

01:08:07.000 Oh, we lied.

01:08:08.000 It's 83,000 that he's getting.

01:08:12.000 I don't think this holds a candle to the Chinese hedge fund he was getting.

01:08:18.000 It was like $3 billion, so I think he's getting $30 million a year.

01:08:21.000 $30 million a year is $2 million a month.

01:08:25.000 That's a lot better than $83,000 a month.

01:08:31.000 I mean, come on, guys.

01:08:33.000 Like, just that alone.

01:08:35.000 Any one of these one things on its face is shocking.

01:08:39.000 I'm going full conspiracy.

01:08:41.000 I'm going way beyond any of the little things, and I'm getting big.

01:08:45.000 I think Joe Biden molested his children.

01:08:47.000 I think they became molesters.

01:08:51.000 But here's right on the precipice of the conspiracy stuff.

01:08:54.000 So this isn't a great case if we were trying to convert a liberal because we're throwing in bona fide facts and hard evidence with conspiracy theories and theories in general.

01:09:06.000 But who cares?

01:09:07.000 There's no liberals watching this fucking show.

01:09:12.000 Here's a really weird one.

01:09:14.000 Hunter Biden's leaked photo sparks a conspiracy theory linking him to child trafficking ring.

01:09:19.000 I get kind of wary when we get to child trafficking.

01:09:22.000 It's hard for me to conceive of children like in a van being shipped to someone.

01:09:26.000 Like that whole Wayfair thing.

01:09:28.000 That's too nuts for me.

01:09:29.000 They're in a fucking cabinet.

01:09:32.000 And then those kids who were caught in that big...

01:09:36.000 We never fucking got the story on that.

01:09:39.000 Yeah, Roman touched on it a little bit.

01:09:43.000 Yeah, like one out of four is child trafficked, like a kidnapped and trafficked kid.

01:09:49.000 I do know that Mexicans, the Mexican cartels, will just give, if you're a couple, they'll give you a random kid to cross the border with for a fee.

01:10:00.000 So you look more like a family and they could say children in cages.

01:10:02.000 Those are not their children.

01:10:03.000 I believe that.

01:10:04.000 But the idea of like, hey, could I get two pizzas?

01:10:09.000 And by pizzas, I mean two eight-year-olds I can fuck for three days.

01:10:13.000 Yeah, no problem, sir.

01:10:14.000 It's on their way.

01:10:16.000 Sorry.

01:10:16.000 But anyway, let's just check this out for fun.

01:10:20.000 Leaked photo of Sparkson's Persian Theater.

01:10:22.000 So I got to this because I was looking at his tattoos.

01:10:25.000 I was beating off to Hunter Biden porn.

01:10:28.000 And I was like, what the fuck is on his back?

01:10:32.000 So you look up Hunter Biden tattoos, and it's the great, what is it, the Finger Lakes?

01:10:37.000 Finger Lakes, yeah.

01:10:39.000 The image in question, replica of the Finger Lakes in upstate New York.

01:10:44.000 Okay.

01:10:45.000 Is that where you are?

01:10:47.000 No.

01:10:47.000 That's way up.

01:10:48.000 No, that's way up, yeah.

01:10:49.000 Yeah, that's close to Canada.

01:10:51.000 Upon further investigation, users found that the area is famous for its underground railroad tunnels and underwater passageways to Canada through Lake Ontario, which were used to transport slaves, blah, blah, blah.

01:11:01.000 Great.

01:11:03.000 Okay, bootleggers.

01:11:04.000 Sure.

01:11:05.000 One of the local users noted that the abandoned tunnels were occupied by people who always keep an eye on your movements like they are guarding something.

01:11:14.000 That's getting weird.

01:11:17.000 This, along with reports of suspicious boutique consulting firm in the Finger Lakes area in September.

01:11:22.000 Okay, this, along with news reports of Biden opening a suspicious boutique consulting firm in the Finger Lakes area In September 2008, instances of human trafficking in the region and reports of dozens of missing children in upstate New York has led conspiracy theorists to believe Biden is involved in a child trafficking ring and he's using the tunnels to smuggle children between Canada and the U.S. Jesus H Christ on a crutch.

01:11:49.000 Maybe he's another theory.

01:11:51.000 He's tired of measuring his penis all the time.

01:11:54.000 And so those are the various stages, like far right, like a really chilly day.

01:11:58.000 Maybe all the way to the left.

01:12:00.000 Oh, I see.

01:12:00.000 Those are the different penis lengths.

01:12:02.000 Yeah, if it's warm out.

01:12:03.000 Why so wiggly?

01:12:06.000 That's a good point.

01:12:06.000 Like what a weird fuck.

01:12:08.000 Not that I don't have the stupidest tattoos in the world, but it looks like a retarded tiger scratched your back.

01:12:15.000 A retarded tiger, yeah.

01:12:16.000 Now I got these retarded tigers.

01:12:19.000 And they went over here, they scratched up Hunter Budden pretty bad.

01:12:23.000 I saw a picture of retarded tiger once.

01:12:25.000 Really?

01:12:26.000 Yeah.

01:12:26.000 Retard he's a tiger?

01:12:27.000 Just look up retarded tiger images.

01:12:30.000 I can't wait.

01:12:32.000 It's the weirdest thing.

01:12:33.000 I think it's real.

01:12:35.000 Oh, yeah.

01:12:36.000 Yeah, remember that?

01:12:37.000 You've seen that before?

01:12:38.000 Yeah.

01:12:39.000 What is that?

01:12:41.000 He's an inbred white tiger.

01:12:43.000 He's literally has down syndrome.

01:12:45.000 Yeah, he's got the features of it, too.

01:12:48.000 He'd be a cool pet.

01:12:50.000 Yeah, why do you think that?

01:12:51.000 Don't, look, guys, if you're dropping off the package, I have a retarded tiger in the backyard.

01:12:56.000 He'll fucking kill you.

01:12:57.000 So just leave the package on my front lawn.

01:13:00.000 I'm not scared about it getting stolen.

01:13:03.000 It was a Budweiser golf bag, but it has a wheelbarrow wheel and the lid of some bleach wipes in it.

01:13:12.000 I can't believe that guy's getting me that Budweiser bag.

01:13:14.000 Yeah, that's cool.

01:13:15.000 I'm back, boys.

01:13:17.000 I'm back.

01:13:18.000 The dream is...

01:13:19.000 Well, again, let's not counter chicken before they hatch.

01:13:21.000 That didn't look like...

01:13:23.000 I mean, he could have been lying, but that would just be such a stupid lie.

01:13:25.000 No, thank you.

01:13:26.000 It doesn't seem like a lie, no.

01:13:27.000 So I'm going to get that.

01:13:29.000 The bud shirt.

01:13:32.000 You know, there's a game at Turtle Cove in the Bronx?

01:13:35.000 You go to the driving range, it's called Tracker or something, and you play a golf game as a video game at the driving range.

01:13:44.000 No, no.

01:13:45.000 So you take the driver, you whack your ball.

01:13:48.000 Oh, you actually have a golf club.

01:13:49.000 It's not.

01:13:49.000 Yeah, no, you're at the driving range.

01:13:50.000 So it's half video game, half you hit the range.

01:13:52.000 Right, so you hit the ball like 200 yards, and then it says, all right, you're this, you got a sand trap here.

01:13:58.000 And so then you go back to where you were, same thing.

01:14:01.000 You switch to like an iron.

01:14:03.000 Top tracer, it's called.

01:14:04.000 Then you, with the iron, you hit it again.

01:14:10.000 And then, I don't think they do putting.

01:14:12.000 That's kind of weird, right?

01:14:13.000 You're not going to putt into a hole when you're just like hitting into the grass.

01:14:17.000 But I guess your goal is to get on the green.

01:14:20.000 Yeah, that's it in the bottom left there.

01:14:23.000 So you play on an imaginary golf course.

01:14:25.000 Oh, that's kind of cool.

01:14:26.000 We should do that to starving children in Africa.

01:14:29.000 Look, I know you don't have a golf range, but we can give you this.

01:14:34.000 And with their little distended bellies, they can get there with their little golf clubs and they can pretend that they're Japanese millionaires.

01:14:42.000 I don't know if that's what they need.

01:14:44.000 They need that.

01:14:45.000 I would think.

01:14:46.000 Maybe food, water.

01:14:47.000 All right, we're 15 minutes into the show.

01:14:49.000 We should probably start taking some calls.

01:14:51.000 I'll get some papier.

01:14:53.000 There's one thing I could fill up.

01:14:57.000 A second here.

01:14:58.000 So in the Borat movie, he was at CPAC with us.

01:15:02.000 CPAC 2020.

01:15:04.000 He dresses up like Donald Trump and he interrupts Pence's speech.

01:15:08.000 Do you remember hearing anything about that?

01:15:10.000 Nope.

01:15:11.000 We were in town.

01:15:12.000 I know, but we avoided...

01:15:14.000 Oh, yeah, I remember Pence's speech.

01:15:16.000 I remember avoiding it.

01:15:17.000 Yeah.

01:15:18.000 You know what's weird?

01:15:19.000 Pence seems like such a dull paper plate to me with nothing to offer.

01:15:24.000 But he used to be a radio host, and I saw some of his old clips, and he was really good.

01:15:28.000 Get out of here.

01:15:30.000 Yeah.

01:15:34.000 That was impressive-sounding typing.

01:15:38.000 But Mike Pence radio show.

01:15:40.000 It is, in fact, Memorial Day weekend this weekend.

01:15:44.000 Got a very baseball vibe, doesn't he?

01:15:46.000 Yeah.

01:15:48.000 The Mets suck.

01:15:49.000 Let's not lie to ourselves.

01:15:52.000 But we have new owners, and next year, the season looks bright.

01:15:56.000 We say that every year.

01:15:58.000 Close the balance of this show.

01:16:01.000 All the frivolity and all the talk we've had of the military justice and the American military.

01:16:08.000 Let me see if I can't shuffle a little bit of that off and just take a moment to say thanks to all of you listening, men and women, both.

01:16:23.000 Whoever served this country in any way, shape, manner, or form.

01:16:30.000 Include us.

01:16:30.000 It might be some of you out there that served in.

01:16:32.000 You only, I suppose.

01:16:33.000 WW Wars.

01:16:34.000 These were the war movies I've seen.

01:16:35.000 Yeah, I didn't see Saving Preferron High.

01:16:37.000 I just saw it.

01:16:37.000 It might have been those of you who served in the big one, World War II.

01:16:43.000 I have not done that.

01:16:44.000 You've watched many movies of World War II.

01:16:46.000 Basically.

01:16:47.000 Generation of Americans have been there.

01:16:50.000 I thank you.

01:16:52.000 You're welcome.

01:16:53.000 You might have been warriors on the battlefields of the Cold War.

01:16:58.000 Places like Korea, Vietnam, in Korea on Hamburger Hill, where my father earned a bronze star.

01:17:06.000 You might have been alongside him.

01:17:08.000 Isn't that when someone puts their asshole in your face?

01:17:12.000 I don't mean any disrespect to the vets.

01:17:13.000 I could not resist that joke.

01:17:14.000 I apologize.

01:17:16.000 I could not help make that joke.

01:17:18.000 I'm sorry.

01:17:19.000 That would a grotesque name for a thing.

01:17:21.000 A brown star as an award?

01:17:23.000 As a medal.

01:17:24.000 Did you know my mom?

01:17:26.000 She said to my brother, he had a party at the house like 15 years ago.

01:17:31.000 And she goes, I've just come back.

01:17:33.000 You had a party here.

01:17:34.000 And he goes, yeah, I'm sorry, mom.

01:17:36.000 I thought I cleaned up everything.

01:17:38.000 Your grandfather's medals are gone.

01:17:40.000 Whoa.

01:17:41.000 Great-grandfather.

01:17:42.000 Sorry.

01:17:43.000 So this is my grandfather's father.

01:17:45.000 The medals are gone, stolen.

01:17:48.000 With all due respect to my great-grandfather, they were not purple hearts.

01:17:51.000 They were just like medals.

01:17:52.000 They didn't seem that fancy.

01:17:54.000 I don't think he fucking blew any Nazis' head off.

01:17:57.000 I think he just like survived some trench foot or something.

01:18:01.000 Anyway, so obviously my brother's mortified.

01:18:07.000 And then her noggin is not great.

01:18:14.000 She's had a few ales and she takes him downstairs and she goes, I have to show you something.

01:18:21.000 And she opens up this oak box and shows him two medals.

01:18:27.000 And she goes, these were your great grandfathers.

01:18:30.000 I'll be gone soon.

01:18:33.000 And I'll need you to hold on to them for us and to make sure they're passed down.

01:18:40.000 By the way, he doesn't have kids.

01:18:41.000 Why aren't I seeing these fucking medals?

01:18:44.000 And my brother goes, Mom, you told me that I got those stolen.

01:18:49.000 Oh, she goes, they were not stolen.

01:18:52.000 I had misplaced them.

01:18:54.000 And he goes, I've had nightmares about this for years.

01:18:58.000 I've been traumatized by the fact that my bullshit got medals stolen.

01:19:03.000 And it's not true?

01:19:06.000 And she's like, technically, no.

01:19:09.000 And then she goes, but our gold man was your fault.

01:19:12.000 That was stolen.

01:19:14.000 Now, let me tell you what this fucking stupid gold man is.

01:19:17.000 In Lead Hills, Scotland, there's a lot of mines and they have gift shops.

01:19:21.000 And one of the gift shops is Fool's Gold.

01:19:23.000 So it's just a bunch of fake gold.

01:19:25.000 But then there's a real gold little man on the top that said like half an inch.

01:19:31.000 He's just that.

01:19:32.000 That's on the piece of fool's gold.

01:19:33.000 It's garbage.

01:19:34.000 Throw it away.

01:19:34.000 I don't want it.

01:19:35.000 All right, right.

01:19:36.000 But I guess my mom broke it off and gave it to my wife.

01:19:41.000 And he's like, the only thing I've ever had stolen is that little man from the fool's gold thing.

01:19:45.000 I go, dude, I have that.

01:19:47.000 Oh, no.

01:19:49.000 It's in my wife's stupid office and she doesn't want it.

01:19:53.000 So she just like, it's not a thing, like in a pile of crap.

01:19:59.000 Wow.

01:20:00.000 So he's been false.

01:20:02.000 One time my mom gave one of my brother's girlfriends some garbage piece of costume jewelry that's like a big brooch, like hideous crap.

01:20:12.000 My mom shops at the dollar store at the Salvation Army and shit.

01:20:16.000 Like just shit.

01:20:18.000 So she gives it to my brother's girlfriend.

01:20:21.000 And then my brother's girlfriend's like, oh, thanks.

01:20:23.000 A giant like gold brooch this big with like a picture of fucking, I don't know, Braveheart on it.

01:20:31.000 And so my brother goes, we're going to go visit my mom.

01:20:35.000 Can you put on that thing she got you?

01:20:36.000 And she's like, oh, fuck.

01:20:38.000 I don't even know where that is.

01:20:39.000 Oh, I think it's in my shit I hate drawer.

01:20:42.000 And so she pulls it out, puts it on.

01:20:45.000 I guess I'll just take it off if we go out.

01:20:47.000 And she wears it.

01:20:48.000 My mother sees it.

01:20:49.000 She's like, oh, my fucking God.

01:20:53.000 And my brother's girlfriend's like, hello, anyway.

01:20:56.000 And my mother goes, do you think she stole it?

01:20:58.000 She says, she grabs my brother and goes, come in here.

01:21:02.000 And my brother's like, what's the issue now?

01:21:04.000 And she goes, she's stolen that.

01:21:07.000 That's mine.

01:21:09.000 I recognize it.

01:21:10.000 And it's been gone since she was last year.

01:21:14.000 Since she was last year.

01:21:16.000 Oh, my.

01:21:17.000 My brother's like, yeah, because you gave it to her.

01:21:19.000 Do you want it back?

01:21:20.000 No.

01:21:21.000 Absolutely not.

01:21:23.000 I don't want stolen goods.

01:21:24.000 I don't take it.

01:21:28.000 Tarnished, no.

01:21:29.000 I'm not an Indian robbery thorough.

01:21:32.000 I'm not an Indian robbery.

01:21:34.000 Over owner?

01:21:39.000 We got the calls.

01:21:40.000 I'll put the number.

01:21:43.000 So this is going to be rife with issues.

01:21:47.000 Why?

01:21:48.000 Well.

01:21:49.000 Because everything you do is.

01:21:50.000 Because everything's going.

01:21:51.000 Because the studio does not work.

01:21:55.000 We got the call-up number.

01:21:56.000 Call in.

01:21:57.000 And we're going to...

01:21:57.000 I guess I'll draw my parents, right?

01:21:59.000 That's probably the best idea.

01:22:01.000 All right.

01:22:02.000 Stepbrothers and stepsisters.

01:22:04.000 Hello?

01:22:07.000 Hello.

01:22:08.000 G-Dog and Samurai of the Fag Zone.

01:22:13.000 Is this echoing?

01:22:14.000 Yep.

01:22:15.000 Yeah, big time.

01:22:16.000 Okay, we'll fix it, Ryan.

01:22:18.000 All right.

01:22:19.000 I'm going to close everything.

01:22:22.000 That does not work, but okay.

01:22:25.000 Ryan thinks things echo when he has other applications open.

01:22:30.000 Just internet using ones mostly.

01:22:33.000 How is it now?

01:22:34.000 Tough, tough job.

01:22:36.000 Oh, it sounds good.

01:22:37.000 Really?

01:22:37.000 There it goes.

01:22:40.000 That doesn't mean you're right, shitlips.

01:22:42.000 But it's been consistent enough for me to not ignore that pattern.

01:22:45.000 I'm acknowledging patterns.

01:22:47.000 Okay, go ahead, sir.

01:22:50.000 Okay, so I stumbled upon this article earlier today, and I sent it to you guys.

01:22:55.000 It's under the subject brother, sister.

01:22:59.000 And it's a stepbrother and a stepsister who I don't think they're married, but they're really proud that they're dating.

01:23:07.000 And it kind of like created this question in my head.

01:23:13.000 I was like, I don't really agree with it.

01:23:14.000 I kind of see it as being a slippery slope with incest.

01:23:22.000 How do you guys do that scenario?

01:23:24.000 Yeah, you know, I don't watch porn.

01:23:28.000 I don't beat off.

01:23:29.000 But occasionally I'll check in on Red Tube just to see what's hot.

01:23:33.000 If I'm on a long, boring conference call, I'll put on Red Tube just to look at an interesting image.

01:23:39.000 And I can prove I'm not beating off because Ryan's usually next to me.

01:23:43.000 And it's always like stepmom bursts in on stepson and naughty stepdaughter.

01:23:51.000 And I'm like, I'm talking like, I don't know.

01:23:55.000 Maybe I've fucked up the algorithms by clicking on a pretty girl who was a stepsister.

01:23:59.000 But it's like 90% stepdaughter, stepson.

01:24:03.000 Like, that's fucked up.

01:24:06.000 Yeah.

01:24:07.000 That is a large theme on those sites.

01:24:10.000 And that's kind of what I see it as being is just a normalization of a bad situation.

01:24:17.000 Yeah, it shows you how fucked up divorce is, too.

01:24:20.000 Stepsis, step-sibs, and couple.

01:24:23.000 I don't necessarily disagree with like if they grew up together, it seems messed up.

01:24:29.000 But like if they're stepbrother and stepsister and they were already like 18, then whatever, but it just seems weird.

01:24:37.000 And like the push to normalize these weird things.

01:24:41.000 Yeah, that's the other angle.

01:24:43.000 Like, as I was saying yesterday, I think cuties was chosen not because the lesbians want to fuck little girls, but because it was sexually deviant, and gays like sexual deviance because it makes them seem normal.

01:24:58.000 Yep.

01:24:59.000 But yeah, it's gross is the answer to your question.

01:25:06.000 Thanks for calling.

01:25:09.000 Yeah.

01:25:10.000 Yeah.

01:25:12.000 The other thing I don't get to about shitty relationships is there's a lot of fish in the sea.

01:25:18.000 Like when my friends would try to fuck my ex-girlfriends, I'd like, I'd go, I understand she's not my property, but out of all the women in the world, why did you choose that one?

01:25:29.000 That's going to make me uncomfortable.

01:25:31.000 We can't go out now.

01:25:33.000 Like, why did you do that?

01:25:37.000 I added a bunch of lines, so people shouldn't have a hard time calling in.

01:25:42.000 We got Omar.

01:25:46.000 Hey, what's up?

01:25:48.000 Hey, man.

01:25:50.000 Gavin, you interviewed Michael Malis a while ago, and you mentioned you were worried that his book would pin you in a bad light.

01:25:59.000 I was just wondering if you read the book and what you thought of how he portrayed you.

01:26:05.000 I read the book.

01:26:06.000 I don't think he portrayed me badly, but it was, it was, I don't like Michael Malis anymore.

01:26:13.000 I feel like he's a backstabber.

01:26:15.000 He talks shit about me.

01:26:16.000 I basically made his career.

01:26:18.000 And I find his writing to be very feminine, which is why I keep thinking he's probably gay.

01:26:24.000 It's like just a pile of words.

01:26:27.000 So while I was reading that book, I obviously jumped to my chapter, but I didn't find it was like a very beginning, middle, and an end argument.

01:26:35.000 It seems more like a transcript of someone on a rant.

01:26:38.000 Like if you were to transcribe this show and print it as a book, you'd go, well, this guy's got some sort of cohesion, but he's really just all over the place.

01:26:47.000 It was an all-over-the-place mess.

01:26:51.000 How do you think I came out?

01:26:52.000 Cool.

01:26:55.000 I thought you came out funny, actually.

01:26:58.000 I didn't really see any problem with it, which is why I was confused you were even worried in the first place.

01:27:03.000 Yeah, I don't know why.

01:27:04.000 I've defended that guy to the death.

01:27:05.000 I've been so cool to him over the years, and he just talks shit about me everywhere he goes, so he can go fuck himself, pussy.

01:27:14.000 True, true.

01:27:15.000 All right, one more thing.

01:27:16.000 Did you get the video I sent you called George Brett Water?

01:27:22.000 I don't.

01:27:23.000 Maybe.

01:27:24.000 Tell Ryan, search that.

01:27:25.000 Sure.

01:27:26.000 What is it?

01:27:27.000 Tell Ryan to search it.

01:27:28.000 I made it for you guys.

01:27:30.000 I would love it if you would take a watch.

01:27:33.000 But yeah, that's it for me.

01:27:35.000 Thank you.

01:27:36.000 Okay, bye.

01:27:38.000 All right, got it.

01:27:41.000 See here.

01:27:42.000 Oh, he's also got a band that he linked.

01:27:46.000 That's my mind.

01:27:48.000 I shit my pants last night.

01:27:49.000 I did.

01:27:50.000 Felt alright.

01:27:51.000 I went just like this.

01:27:54.000 Water.

01:28:02.000 Can you send that to me?

01:28:04.000 Wait, let's swatch that again.

01:28:06.000 That ruled.

01:28:07.000 I saw it coming too, but what is it?

01:28:09.000 Yeah, you know it's coming.

01:28:11.000 I just hope they do a good job.

01:28:12.000 Delta right, I won just like this.

01:28:16.000 Water.

01:28:20.000 Amazing.

01:28:22.000 That is so cool.

01:28:23.000 I love that it cut to black, too.

01:28:26.000 Okay, one more time.

01:28:27.000 All right.

01:28:28.000 I'm trying not to laugh this time.

01:28:30.000 I shoot my pants last night.

01:28:32.000 I did.

01:28:33.000 Delta right, I went just like this.

01:28:36.000 Water.

01:28:43.000 That's gold.

01:28:44.000 Quality that.

01:28:48.000 All right, we got another.

01:28:49.000 Did you see in the lobby of this building, there's a notice about noise?

01:28:53.000 Oh, yeah?

01:28:54.000 I don't read any sort of notices or papers.

01:28:56.000 Yeah, I think this.

01:28:58.000 This has to do with us.

01:28:59.000 We're moving, by the way.

01:29:00.000 Talked to an architect.

01:29:02.000 Got a new spot.

01:29:04.000 May or may not be in the Bronx.

01:29:07.000 It's going to be fucking awesome.

01:29:10.000 Because I'm a cheap ass.

01:29:12.000 So if I want to open a chain of muffin stores, I sell them from a shitty little fucking closet in Midtown until I notice they're taking off.

01:29:23.000 And then I set up the stores.

01:29:25.000 So we have enough money.

01:29:26.000 We got 20,000 subscribers now.

01:29:28.000 We have enough money to make a kick-ass studio.

01:29:31.000 And this is going to have a little like Dave Rubin Ben Shapiro type sit-down chat room.

01:29:38.000 It's going to have a bar that works.

01:29:40.000 I think for the bar, I'm going to have regular Joe's.

01:29:44.000 So it'll be like interview with the janitor, interview with the boxer, interview with the guy who makes fucking bells.

01:29:52.000 And then the fancy sit-down room will be only for celebs.

01:29:55.000 Not because one is more valuable than the other, just so you can differentiate in your mind.

01:30:00.000 Then that will be for like Ann Colter, James O'Keefe kind of sit-downs.

01:30:03.000 And then the studio itself will be very Alex Jones.

01:30:07.000 We'll have a green screen room that'll be my full body with the video.

01:30:12.000 So you get to see my gorgeous legs.

01:30:17.000 And that's about it.

01:30:19.000 That's pretty funny.

01:30:20.000 It's going to be hot.

01:30:21.000 It's going to be hot and sexy.

01:30:22.000 Throw some parties there.

01:30:25.000 Parties, yeah, we can have parties because we basically have that whole floor.

01:30:32.000 Oh, you want to see this guy's band then?

01:30:34.000 What band?

01:30:35.000 The guy who spent that.

01:30:38.000 I don't care about his band.

01:30:44.000 Can we direct the funny thing?

01:30:50.000 James.

01:30:55.000 Hey, Gavin and Mayor of the Red Zone.

01:30:58.000 Thank you.

01:31:00.000 Today I was looking around on the internet.

01:31:04.000 Just a really odd question I pondered is why your book title, you had changed from How to Piss in Public to The Death of Cool.

01:31:19.000 In my quick look there, I came across an article from, oddly enough, Huffington Post called Gavin McGinnis's How to Piss in Public.

01:31:30.000 And it could not be a more flattering review of not only your book, but you yourself.

01:31:41.000 It just goes on and on about how somewhere in there it said, if you're looking for a man oozing with cool, look no further than Gavin McInnis.

01:31:55.000 Something to that effect, anyway.

01:31:58.000 I thought that was totally insane.

01:32:01.000 I believe it was from six or seven years ago.

01:32:07.000 Yeah, doesn't that tell you everything right there?

01:32:17.000 Relatively, I mean, that's such a short amount of time for people just to totally do a 180 on you.

01:32:24.000 Huffington Post, if they were to speak about you nowadays, I mean, it'd be nothing but total negativity.

01:32:34.000 Anyway, my question, what I was calling in about, was I love your book, and lately you've been featuring on your shelf back there a lot of different books.

01:32:47.000 I was wondering a lot has happened in the time since you published Death of Cool slash How to Piss in Public.

01:32:57.000 Are you writing a follow-up?

01:32:59.000 And if so, when will it be released?

01:33:02.000 Yeah, I might write a follow-up.

01:33:04.000 I was talking to Sherad about this on his Racewars podcast, and I don't know, like that book, Death of Cool, I got $80,000 for, but it took two years from like first letter to on shelves.

01:33:20.000 So that's $40,000 a year.

01:33:21.000 It takes up a lot of your fucking year.

01:33:24.000 And how many people saw it?

01:33:26.000 Whereas like tonight, 20,000 people watched this episode.

01:33:32.000 We made probably $3,000 just doing this episode.

01:33:37.000 I don't know.

01:33:38.000 It seems like writing books as a medium might be dead.

01:33:42.000 And I definitely would not get 80 grand now.

01:33:45.000 I'd be very lucky to get a publisher now.

01:33:47.000 So I might get, I might, I'd have to self-publish.

01:33:50.000 But I might make, like, it would probably take six months of very intense hard work.

01:33:57.000 Like, I couldn't do this show.

01:33:59.000 And I might make, like, 30 grand.

01:34:02.000 I don't know.

01:34:02.000 It just doesn't seem like it's worth the effort.

01:34:04.000 Now, it's great for your kids when they go, like, who was that dead guy, Gavin McInnes?

01:34:09.000 And you can go, well, here's a book that explains it.

01:34:11.000 And here's a book that says the Prowboys weren't racist.

01:34:13.000 And you can read that.

01:34:14.000 But like, I'm not that concerned with the world when I'm fucking six feet under.

01:34:20.000 So I know Southerners, they can't go outside from May to September.

01:34:27.000 So I understand you guys are hungry for books, but I don't know.

01:34:32.000 I don't know if I have it in me anymore.

01:34:38.000 It'd be awesome if you did.

01:34:40.000 You know, I think this last book, obviously, it's a lot of comedy, a lot of stories, debauchery.

01:34:50.000 But what I'd like to read a bit about is a lot of your hardships that you've gone through since everyone turned on you, but also a lot of positivity with family life,

01:35:05.000 fatherhood, et cetera.

01:35:09.000 I've received like 100 letters of guys saying, hey, I finally put a ring on it thanks to you.

01:35:14.000 I was too scared.

01:35:16.000 And you pushed me, and now we have three kids and we're happily married.

01:35:19.000 Like, that doesn't make the news.

01:35:21.000 That's never a public thing.

01:35:23.000 It's always like, he said that he didn't go to Charlottesville, but there was so many nose that was at Charlottesville.

01:35:29.000 And you're like, Jesus fucking age Christ.

01:35:33.000 So I want to do that.

01:35:34.000 And I also want to set the record straight on the Proud Boys, but I think a better way to do that would be a documentary.

01:35:41.000 I think they need a long-form documentary that explains their side of things.

01:35:48.000 And I am talking to some people about that, but we'll see where that goes.

01:35:52.000 Anyway, thanks for calling.

01:35:59.000 See, that article's still up.

01:36:00.000 I'm surprised.

01:36:01.000 The HuffPost one.

01:36:02.000 That's because no one probably gets one hit every three years.

01:36:08.000 We just did the annual hit.

01:36:10.000 Yeah, this is the person that wrote it.

01:36:12.000 Tony Naggy.

01:36:14.000 Yeah, I know her.

01:36:15.000 Yeah.

01:36:15.000 She's just a, like, she's not a righty, but she's not a die-hard liberal.

01:36:24.000 Right.

01:36:24.000 And she was welcome back then.

01:36:26.000 Huffington Post wasn't as mental back then.

01:36:29.000 She has a bit on Trump.

01:36:31.000 What did she say?

01:36:32.000 I'm looking for it right now.

01:36:34.000 Just passed it.

01:36:36.000 Here we go.

01:36:36.000 That's actually the bobblehead that we have.

01:36:39.000 Funny stories.

01:36:42.000 I remember the days when celebrity gossip was what was used to distract us from the news.

01:36:48.000 You remember those times, those like innocent times when you'd be on Facebook and you'd see this like snarky post that was like, well, you were busy paying attention to Kim Kardashian's queen, Obama sent drones of the Middle East.

01:37:02.000 And then you were like kind of embarrassed because you did care more about that queen?

01:37:08.000 And you could have like sworn you heard it from a distance.

01:37:12.000 But now because Trump is so fucking insane, the news about Trump is used to distract us about the fucked up news about Trump, right?

01:37:21.000 Like his fucked up news distracts us from his fucked up news.

01:37:26.000 It's fucked up.

01:37:29.000 I miss the days when...

01:37:31.000 They didn't get a laugh on that Obama thing, and they started screaming.

01:37:34.000 No.

01:37:35.000 Here's what happened.

01:37:35.000 You know, I was listening to Louis C.K. the other day.

01:37:38.000 And I know I kiss his ass a lot on this show, but shit.

01:37:43.000 He was like, if you're a comedian, you're a philosopher, right?

01:37:47.000 So you have to have thought out your thing.

01:37:52.000 It has to be true.

01:37:54.000 Like when David Cross says, can you believe that luggage is for sale at the airport?

01:38:02.000 It's the last place on earth you'd need luggage.

01:38:05.000 You're at the airport.

01:38:07.000 You're listening to it going, no, dude, your luggage breaks.

01:38:10.000 And at the airport, that's where it breaks.

01:38:13.000 It doesn't break in a closet.

01:38:14.000 Yeah.

01:38:15.000 So yes, it's a perfect place.

01:38:17.000 Sometimes you come home with more stuff than you left with.

01:38:20.000 Yeah.

01:38:21.000 Oh, there's that too.

01:38:22.000 Yeah.

01:38:23.000 So that's a bad.

01:38:26.000 So it's not funny.

01:38:27.000 But Louis C.K. goes, he had this bit where he goes, I was eating candy and I was so excited that I was shaking.

01:38:33.000 And I just stuffed it in my mouth and the wrapper fell on the ground.

01:38:36.000 And I was with the girl.

01:38:37.000 And she goes, what are you doing?

01:38:38.000 And he goes, what?

01:38:40.000 You're littering.

01:38:41.000 You just left that there.

01:38:43.000 And he goes, so?

01:38:44.000 And she goes, it's bad for the environment.

01:38:46.000 And he goes, what?

01:38:48.000 This is New York.

01:38:49.000 It's a giant piece of litter.

01:38:51.000 This is bad for the environment.

01:38:53.000 This isn't the environment.

01:38:54.000 This is garbage.

01:38:56.000 I just put garbage on garbage.

01:38:58.000 And what if I do if I throw it away?

01:39:01.000 It goes into the garbage and then it's taken away and it ends up being on some barge and then it goes to China and it's then washing in the river in the ocean.

01:39:12.000 Then some dolphin has to wear it like a hat on his face for 10 years with this fucking garbage on his head.

01:39:21.000 And that's all true.

01:39:23.000 We do take our recycling.

01:39:25.000 We don't recycle it.

01:39:26.000 It goes on barges and we ship it to China.

01:39:30.000 They used to just sort of throw it in their rivers, but now they go, we don't want to do that anymore.

01:39:34.000 So they give it to Southeast Asia and then it ends up all over that part of the world on dolphins' faces.

01:39:45.000 So it's a funny bit because it's all true and well thought out.

01:39:49.000 He's a good philosopher.

01:39:50.000 He has a high IQ.

01:39:51.000 Maybe because he's a fucking Jew.

01:39:54.000 Is he?

01:39:55.000 Oh, yeah.

01:39:56.000 I actually really didn't think Trump was going to win.

01:39:59.000 Alright, we got Jackson with a hot or not.

01:40:03.000 Jackson, lay it on us.

01:40:08.000 Where is it?

01:40:09.000 Action.

01:40:09.000 Jackson or action?

01:40:10.000 Or action, Jackson?

01:40:14.000 Sir or ma'am?

01:40:18.000 Yes, sir?

01:40:20.000 Got three seconds.

01:40:22.000 I don't hear anything.

01:40:23.000 Usually you hear, like, noise, meaning.

01:40:26.000 We got somebody else.

01:40:27.000 Oh, we can hear you now.

01:40:29.000 Wait, this is someone else?

01:40:31.000 Hello?

01:40:32.000 Hey, yeah.

01:40:35.000 Alright, am I on?

01:40:37.000 Yes, you're on, dude.

01:40:38.000 Hello?

01:40:40.000 Alright, so I've got a hotter knot that I just sent to the mailbag, and I've got a would you rather?

01:40:45.000 Okay, why does everyone get two things?

01:40:47.000 You should only get one thing.

01:40:51.000 I get two because I'm special.

01:40:52.000 Oh.

01:40:54.000 You have Down syndrome?

01:40:57.000 Yes.

01:40:58.000 What is the title of these?

01:41:01.000 What is the title there?

01:41:02.000 Alright, it's hold up.

01:41:07.000 Okay, I got it.

01:41:08.000 Jackson Caller.

01:41:09.000 The title is Jackson Caller.

01:41:12.000 Gotcha.

01:41:12.000 Pulling it up.

01:41:14.000 Please hold.

01:41:16.000 Okay, go ahead.

01:41:18.000 Hot or no?

01:41:19.000 Oh, I don't know.

01:41:20.000 That's a rough one.

01:41:22.000 Weird.

01:41:24.000 It changes.

01:41:24.000 It's like a hologram.

01:41:27.000 Are you Canadian?

01:41:31.000 No, but I'm of French descent.

01:41:33.000 So she's French, France, French.

01:41:37.000 Yeah, she's from Leon.

01:41:39.000 Lyon!

01:41:42.000 El Vien de Lyon croix!

01:41:45.000 Esque vous par les français!

01:41:49.000 What you're seeing is ugly hair.

01:41:51.000 Not even ugly.

01:41:52.000 You're seeing a handsome young man.

01:41:54.000 Yeah, there's kind of some Israeli-looking features there.

01:41:59.000 Like the dark eyes.

01:42:00.000 Yeah, like Armenian.

01:42:01.000 Fucking Arabs.

01:42:02.000 Once Napoleon's nephew declared war on all of Islam, they ended up opening the borders.

01:42:11.000 And now Paris, France is basically Muslim.

01:42:15.000 It's Arab.

01:42:16.000 That's why their fucking noses are so comically large.

01:42:20.000 Everyone in Paris looks like a racist caricature of a Jew.

01:42:25.000 Like they're offensive.

01:42:27.000 But let's see a different picture of her.

01:42:29.000 I'm hoping that's not representative because you just showed me a very cute, cherubic, handsome 13-year-old boy.

01:42:38.000 Oh, man.

01:42:39.000 I'm afraid that's like the best video.

01:42:41.000 Everything else, she looks real homely.

01:42:44.000 Yeah, I mean, I'm having trouble going above five, dude.

01:42:47.000 Oh, there's...

01:42:48.000 Wait, that's hot.

01:42:49.000 That's like a 7.9.

01:42:51.000 Let's see some more.

01:42:55.000 I don't know.

01:42:56.000 She's tough.

01:42:56.000 It's like Billie Eilish.

01:43:00.000 Yeah, I'm sorry.

01:43:01.000 This is the most sexy 6.5 I've ever seen.

01:43:05.000 She should be on the cover of 6.5 magazine.

01:43:08.000 Let's do the would you rather.

01:43:12.000 All right, so my buddy told me to ask you this.

01:43:15.000 Would you rather, and this is highly contentious, would you rather be or give the first 99% of a BJ or the last 1%?

01:43:25.000 Oh, I know this one is.

01:43:26.000 Oh, this old trope.

01:43:29.000 So the finishing off or the give, right?

01:43:34.000 So the jiz.

01:43:37.000 I have to face the jizz.

01:43:39.000 But that's the small, that's the shorter part.

01:43:42.000 I think I'm kind of a guy, I'm kind of a gross guy.

01:43:45.000 Like in school, I'd be the guy that would like eat a sandwich off the ground for a dare.

01:43:50.000 So I don't think the jizz would ruin my life.

01:43:53.000 And I want to take this blowjob down to as little time as possible.

01:43:57.000 So I think I'm going to go with the last 1%.

01:44:00.000 Because, yeah, it's gross, but I'll eat a spider.

01:44:04.000 So I'll get some jizz in my face, jizz on my mouth.

01:44:08.000 At least this whole experience is down to a few seconds.

01:44:13.000 Thank you so much.

01:44:14.000 My buddy made a whole presentation on why me and my other roommate are wrong, and it was just enraging at how stupid he was.

01:44:24.000 So he wants to do the 99%.

01:44:29.000 Oh, yeah.

01:44:31.000 We were in the minority of the people we asked.

01:44:33.000 They were all on the 99% side.

01:44:36.000 You're sitting there sucking a dick for like five minutes.

01:44:39.000 Five minutes, if you're not gay, is 100 years.

01:44:45.000 Five minutes.

01:44:46.000 Okay, just let's just, let me just show you five seconds.

01:44:49.000 Ready?

01:44:50.000 Here's five seconds.

01:44:55.000 That was five seconds of second.

01:44:57.000 That was three.

01:44:58.000 That was three?

01:44:58.000 And that was still 10 seconds.

01:44:59.000 That was an eternity.

01:45:00.000 I'm traumatized.

01:45:02.000 I don't think I can use this pen anymore.

01:45:05.000 Yeah, your friends are fucking.

01:45:07.000 And I wasn't even blowing a dude for that three seconds.

01:45:11.000 All right, thanks for calling.

01:45:14.000 The last.

01:45:15.000 Ooh, then you got to get it up to the point.

01:45:18.000 Like, this is what I always say, too, about things that suck.

01:45:21.000 There's guys that work in the New York City sewers.

01:45:24.000 They get rat kings, they're called, where the tails get tangled up and they become a ball of dead rats.

01:45:31.000 They have to go in there, pull out the dead rats from the sewer system.

01:45:35.000 God knows what feces and tampons explode onto your face.

01:45:39.000 You can have something gross on you for a few seconds.

01:45:43.000 My grandfather said...

01:45:44.000 I'm just sitting there working a knob?

01:45:49.000 He told me he used to work, you know, like for, you know, fixing the wires and stuff like that for communications.

01:45:56.000 So open the manhole, go in there.

01:45:57.000 And there's just the slime.

01:46:00.000 You don't even know what it is.

01:46:01.000 Just slime everywhere.

01:46:03.000 And I don't even know if the, yeah, that's really gross.

01:46:07.000 Cum.

01:46:08.000 That's sterile.

01:46:10.000 Now we're defending cum.

01:46:12.000 In the defense of cum.

01:46:14.000 Don't knock cum.

01:46:15.000 Don't knock it.

01:46:16.000 I like when we convince, when magazines are like, semen is actually great for women's skin.

01:46:24.000 You're like, I wonder who wrote that article.

01:46:27.000 A guy named Brad.

01:46:30.000 Hey, my name's Brian.

01:46:33.000 I ain't done a lot of research on this, but basically it's true.

01:46:36.000 Anyway, I got to go.

01:46:38.000 Bye.

01:46:39.000 Hope you enjoy my article.

01:46:43.000 We got Wyatt.

01:46:48.000 No?

01:46:49.000 What's up, guys?

01:46:50.000 What's up, Brian?

01:46:51.000 Hey, dude.

01:46:51.000 What's up, man?

01:46:52.000 How's it going, man?

01:46:53.000 What's up, man?

01:46:55.000 What's up?

01:46:56.000 Not much.

01:46:58.000 Yeah.

01:46:59.000 You know, I've noticed that probably over the last four years, I don't think any person in the government has talked about white people in a good way.

01:47:09.000 No.

01:47:10.000 Not once.

01:47:11.000 Without saying white supremacists, without saying something negative or something like that.

01:47:16.000 I think Trump said, what about white people, I think, one time.

01:47:20.000 Yeah.

01:47:21.000 Well, remember he went to Poland.

01:47:23.000 He went to Poland and he talked about Western civilization and they played classical music and the press ate him alive.

01:47:31.000 Like, what's he supposed to do?

01:47:32.000 Go to Poland and talk about their incredible rap history?

01:47:36.000 He's in fucking Poland, but he got in shit for that.

01:47:42.000 Yeah, I mean, I don't really understand it.

01:47:45.000 What are we going to go to?

01:47:46.000 What kind of culture are we headed towards?

01:47:51.000 And also, I never gave a shit about being white until everyone told me I sucked.

01:47:56.000 And I was like, okay, I'm open to that.

01:47:58.000 And then I started looking it up and I'm like, no, actually, we've made a lot of cool shit.

01:48:04.000 Well, I mean, okay, so if you look at Google, look at white inventors, and then look at white inventions, and look at, and you'll see all these black people that invented like a bed frame or something like that.

01:48:20.000 And then somebody invented like a spatula with like holes in it or something like that.

01:48:26.000 That's cool.

01:48:28.000 You know?

01:48:29.000 The fuck.

01:48:31.000 I mean, seriously, it's ridiculous.

01:48:34.000 Or the peanut guy, the legume guy, you know?

01:48:37.000 Yeah, and that's...

01:48:39.000 The peanut guy's bullshit.

01:48:41.000 The peanut butter mashing up peanuts in the sauce goes back basically way before America.

01:48:47.000 And then there's the light bulb thing where he had a patent on a filament for a light bulb, which many people did.

01:48:55.000 And Thomas Edison, for example, had, I think, like 700 filament patents.

01:49:00.000 It's what you did.

01:49:00.000 Because obviously, if you have the filament that takes off, you're going to become a billionaire because every light bulb uses that.

01:49:06.000 So people were fanatically patenting filaments.

01:49:10.000 And he was just one of the many.

01:49:11.000 In fact, Thomas Edison later hired him as a patent expert because he was so good at getting these bullshit filament patterns.

01:49:22.000 Patents.

01:49:23.000 Anyway, thanks for calling, dude.

01:49:24.000 You're exactly right.

01:49:25.000 Yep, all right.

01:49:28.000 Yep, right, right, Mike.

01:49:29.000 This is kind of interesting.

01:49:30.000 I'd never done this before, the side-by-side.

01:49:32.000 So this is white inventors on Google.

01:49:36.000 And this is black inventors on Google.

01:49:39.000 It looks the same.

01:49:39.000 Same guys.

01:49:40.000 Same guys.

01:49:41.000 And I think there's that, yeah, there's that filament guy there.

01:49:44.000 The guy with the glasses.

01:49:45.000 You've zoomed him in too much.

01:49:47.000 I can't see him on mine.

01:49:49.000 But like, wait, could we move over to the left screen here?

01:49:54.000 I hate to do it, but.

01:49:55.000 Yeah, that guy.

01:49:56.000 The guy in the very, very top left.

01:49:58.000 That's the filament dude.

01:50:01.000 Yeah, him.

01:50:02.000 Right there.

01:50:04.000 Go to the page here.

01:50:06.000 Philammat guy.

01:50:09.000 I don't know.

01:50:09.000 I just would be more...

01:50:11.000 If I moved to Japan or even if my no, that's actually a bad analogy because blacks have been here for longer than most.

01:50:23.000 See, now you got me fucking trivializing people's accomplishments.

01:50:27.000 Anyway, I just, when someone, like That black art thing, when someone has a talent or when some group has contributed a lot, I don't know.

01:50:35.000 I would just be like, Good work, dudes.

01:50:37.000 Thanks.

01:50:38.000 Thanks for the light bulbs.

01:50:40.000 I wouldn't be constantly talking about how you suck and I actually invented the light bulb.

01:50:46.000 Yeah, the thing is, you're trying to look for a specific thing, and they're like, No, no, no, how about the opposite of that?

01:50:50.000 Yeah, like I'm not constantly talking about Scottish people's contribution to basketball.

01:50:56.000 Here's the quote.

01:50:58.000 Let's talk about George Floyd.

01:50:59.000 You said George Floyd's death was a terrible thing.

01:51:02.000 Terrible.

01:51:02.000 Why are African Americans still dying at the hands of law enforcement in this country?

01:51:07.000 And so are white people.

01:51:09.000 So are white people.

01:51:10.000 What a terrible question to ask.

01:51:12.000 So are white people.

01:51:14.000 More white people, by the way.

01:51:16.000 More white people.

01:51:20.000 He really just stands for stuff.

01:51:24.000 He doesn't care.

01:51:25.000 He's a New Yorker.

01:51:26.000 That's what no one gets.

01:51:28.000 You know, I was at my local the other day, and these women were bitching about this construction worker, PJ.

01:51:35.000 He's actually not a construction worker.

01:51:37.000 He owns a construction company.

01:51:39.000 And he said, he's Irish.

01:51:40.000 And he was like, I think these fuckers are going to steal the election with their fucking fake ballots.

01:51:46.000 And then I see her, she's next to me, right?

01:51:48.000 And I see her look at her other geriatric friend and go, oh, they're talking so much bullshit.

01:51:52.000 They're so fucking stupid.

01:51:54.000 And I go, I don't think he's stupid.

01:51:56.000 He runs a pretty big construction company.

01:52:00.000 He could build a building right now with his bare hands.

01:52:03.000 And she's like, well, he's talking shit.

01:52:05.000 And I pull up on my phone.

01:52:07.000 Philadelphia Supreme Court rules that your signature on your ballot doesn't have to match the signature on your ID.

01:52:16.000 And I just show her on my phone.

01:52:17.000 I go, he seems to be right about the fake ballot.

01:52:20.000 And she goes, oh, where's that from?

01:52:22.000 From your phone, from the internet?

01:52:23.000 I go, the internet is just like a library.

01:52:25.000 It's just a place with information.

01:52:27.000 You can't criticize the internet.

01:52:29.000 You criticize my exact source.

01:52:31.000 She goes, what's your source?

01:52:32.000 I go, well, this is Politico.

01:52:34.000 But here, here we go, the Philadelphia Inquirer.

01:52:37.000 And she goes, oh, yeah, let's listen to the National Enquirer where aliens are going to come down.

01:52:41.000 Oh, my God.

01:52:43.000 I feel like saying, why are you allowed in bars?

01:52:46.000 And you being a woman?

01:52:48.000 Like, women are not allowed on pirate ships for a reason.

01:52:52.000 Pirates would rather drink their own piss and fuck each other up the ass than have to deal with women on their boat.

01:53:00.000 I didn't say that, but I should have.

01:53:02.000 Whatever source you would like.

01:53:04.000 I mean, there's Newsweek.

01:53:06.000 It's just a fact.

01:53:07.000 Where would you like your fact from?

01:53:09.000 CBR.

01:53:09.000 Or get the New York Times to talk about the Philadelphia Supreme Court.

01:53:14.000 Why, which is with NPR and PBS.

01:53:16.000 Yeah, I'm sure NPR has said it.

01:53:18.000 Do you like that?

01:53:19.000 KYW.

01:53:20.000 Fucking stupid.

01:53:21.000 National Review.

01:53:22.000 Get out of this bar.

01:53:23.000 MSN.

01:53:23.000 She was yelling at some retired cop about racism.

01:53:26.000 Oh, and you know what she said?

01:53:27.000 She said, the real problem with this country is these stupid, racist rednecks in the Midwest.

01:53:33.000 And she goes, they should all just fuck off.

01:53:38.000 I've heard that before.

01:53:41.000 It's not uncommon for New York liberals, and not like the elites.

01:53:46.000 I'm talking about like middle class and even below, like lower middle class New York elites to talk about the flyover states and how they're fucking garbage humans and how they all need to die.

01:53:58.000 So 200 million people need to die.

01:54:01.000 And they hate Nazis.

01:54:05.000 I don't know why, but that really, that's a deal breaker for me.

01:54:08.000 I picked up my drink and I moved after she said that.

01:54:11.000 Speaking of deal breakers, we got Evan talking about the New York Mets.

01:54:14.000 Ugh.

01:54:17.000 Did you hear about Bill de Blasio DiCami trying to stop the sellout for Steve Cohen?

01:54:26.000 I think it is.

01:54:28.000 He's trying to stop it.

01:54:29.000 And my conspiracy is that Alex Rodriguez wanted to buy the Mets before Steve Cohen did, but Bill de Blasio DiCami said, no, I want my best friend Alex Rodriguez to get the team instead of you.

01:54:43.000 You're a conservative.

01:54:44.000 You look like so.

01:54:45.000 Fuck off.

01:54:46.000 Love you more than a friend.

01:54:47.000 See ya.

01:54:49.000 Thanks for punching me in the stomach as hard as you can.

01:54:53.000 I did not hear about this.

01:54:54.000 What a motherfucker.

01:54:57.000 Oh, geez.

01:54:59.000 I don't understand how the mayor of New York has anything to do with the sports team in the MLP.

01:55:07.000 What?

01:55:08.000 Wait, Alex Rodriguez.

01:55:10.000 A-Rod.

01:55:11.000 A-Rod and J-Lo wanted to buy it, and he probably loves them because they're celebrities.

01:55:15.000 He's a Yankee.

01:55:15.000 He's a former Yankee.

01:55:16.000 You know, he's Jewish, right?

01:55:18.000 And he calls himself Bill de Blasio.

01:55:20.000 It's not even his fucking name.

01:55:21.000 Oh, de Blasio.

01:55:23.000 Like he's the Fons or something.

01:55:26.000 Oh, my God.

01:55:26.000 That's insane.

01:55:27.000 That was our only hope.

01:55:29.000 Damn it.

01:55:30.000 Let me see this article, and I'm sorry to bore you, non-sports fans.

01:55:33.000 Steve Cohen's spending purchase of the Mets likely won't be pending much longer.

01:55:37.000 Wait, when was this dated?

01:55:39.000 October 26th, two days ago?

01:55:46.000 Cohen is expected to blah, blah, blah.

01:55:48.000 Power officially would be transferred to Cohen.

01:55:50.000 Outgoing chief operator Jeff Wilpon, fuck you, Wilpons, meanwhile, reflected on his tenure and said his goodbye to the Mets, blah, blah, blah, blah.

01:55:58.000 Among the only issues to resolve between now and then seems to be a procedural one, an okay from New York City.

01:56:04.000 Mayor Bill de Blasio confirmed money that our law department is evaluating the ownership change.

01:56:10.000 What?

01:56:12.000 Expects that to be an issue, sources said.

01:56:16.000 Nobody involved, Cohen, the Wilpons, NLB, expect...

01:56:18.000 Oh, they don't expect that to be an issue.

01:56:21.000 Yeah, dude.

01:56:22.000 They said they don't expect it to be an issue.

01:56:27.000 We obviously want to get through a resolution quickly.

01:56:29.000 Yeah, this sounds like a nothing burger.

01:56:32.000 Let us hope.

01:56:34.000 Because otherwise, it would be spooky.

01:56:40.000 All right, we're almost at the end here.

01:56:42.000 We've got a few minutes.

01:56:43.000 Okay.

01:56:43.000 We have 17 calls online.

01:56:45.000 We got Lighthouse Tom.

01:56:49.000 Hey, Jay.

01:56:50.000 Hey, man.

01:56:51.000 Thanks for calling, dude.

01:56:52.000 Great to hear from you.

01:56:55.000 Oh, that's great.

01:56:55.000 Thanks a lot.

01:56:58.000 Sorry.

01:56:59.000 Jamaica, Jamaica.

01:57:04.000 Go ahead, Jamaica.

01:57:05.000 Wagwan, Jamaica.

01:57:08.000 Wagwan, guys, and Wagwan, Ryan.

01:57:10.000 Where are you saying, Tom?

01:57:13.000 I got Babylon closing in on me, you know.

01:57:17.000 You're trying not to vex me so disgusting.

01:57:21.000 I see you're drawing there.

01:57:23.000 Yo, so listen, I'm watching the show with my girlfriend right now.

01:57:27.000 I just wanted to know, how do you know when you found the one, I guess?

01:57:33.000 Love you more than a friend.

01:57:35.000 I want to fuck you with my heels off.

01:57:37.000 Classic.

01:57:38.000 You live with her for six months, and in those six months, you do not have a drop-down, drag-out fight.

01:57:44.000 Now, Charles Murray in the Commodence Guide to Getting Ahead says there's a bunch of other stuff.

01:57:48.000 Like if you're a neat freak and she's a slob, it's not going to work.

01:57:52.000 If you're very punctual and she's not, it's not going to work.

01:57:54.000 I don't agree with that.

01:57:56.000 If those things are deal breakers, they're going to happen in the six months.

01:58:00.000 So live with her for six months and see if you guys don't have like a plate-smashing super fight.

01:58:07.000 Now, I probably did have some...

01:58:09.000 I think my wife, when she was my girlfriend, did whip a plate of spaghetti at me.

01:58:14.000 And she did find a stack of pictures of girls I fucked.

01:58:17.000 And she whipped that at me and cut my eyeball.

01:58:21.000 I had to wear an eye patch for three days.

01:58:22.000 I couldn't look at the sun.

01:58:24.000 Damn.

01:58:24.000 So we did have some fucking huge fights.

01:58:27.000 But I chose her anyway.

01:58:29.000 Maybe that was a mistake.

01:58:32.000 But yeah, I think that's a good test.

01:58:34.000 Now, if you do have a drop-down drag out fight, I don't know.

01:58:38.000 Maybe go a little bit longer or maybe re-evaluate.

01:58:42.000 But I'll tell you one thing.

01:58:43.000 If you live together for six months and there's not a big fucking row, go to Zales and get a ring and spend, I'm going to say two months' salary.

01:58:59.000 Two months' salary.

01:59:03.000 With a minimum of five grand.

01:59:04.000 You can't have her go to repair the ring and it's $3,200 when she gets it evaluated.

01:59:11.000 So minimum $5,000 if you're a gazillionaire, let's cap it at like, I don't know.

01:59:16.000 Fucking, no one needs a $30,000 ring.

01:59:20.000 Between $5,000 and $30,000 and two months' salary.

01:59:24.000 And if you're broke, that's part of it.

01:59:29.000 If you're broke, that'll be $5,000.

01:59:31.000 But Zales does this thing where you buy it, they give it to you, you have a year to pay it off, and as long as you meet your monthly payments, you don't pay any interest.

01:59:39.000 Wow.

01:59:40.000 You can't fucking scrape five grand together.

01:59:43.000 Like whatever five grand divided by 12 is.

01:59:47.000 We got Gabriel.

01:59:49.000 I'm done, my awesome drawing.

01:59:51.000 It's my parents.

01:59:53.000 It's called Gavin McKinnis' Parents.

01:59:56.000 Hear me?

01:59:58.000 Yep.

01:59:58.000 We can hear you.

02:00:02.000 Hello, fellow autists, alumni, Gavin McGenius, and Ry the Fly Guy, who is definitely not a fag, and those who say otherwise are projecting.

02:00:11.000 On the contrary, though, I think the tracks your train of thought runs on were half-built because your retard father didn't show up for work.

02:00:19.000 I get it.

02:00:20.000 Big ups to your mom for carrying the weight, though.

02:00:23.000 She didn't do shit.

02:00:24.000 She left him when he was 14.

02:00:26.000 She didn't leave me.

02:00:27.000 It's not true.

02:00:27.000 And it was not 14.

02:00:29.000 How old were you?

02:00:30.000 13?

02:00:30.000 16, 17?

02:00:31.000 She moved to a different apartment.

02:00:33.000 I was like, I don't have to go with you.

02:00:34.000 I got a lot of friends here.

02:00:36.000 I'm not going to go with you.

02:00:37.000 You weren't 16.

02:00:38.000 You were 14.

02:00:38.000 I was not.

02:00:39.000 14 is when I started playing guitar, and I was like, 13, 14.

02:00:42.000 No, that was, I was middle school.

02:00:43.000 She left when I was in high school.

02:00:45.000 And I was like, okay, bye, Branch.

02:00:47.000 I'm an adult.

02:00:48.000 I could have lived with her.

02:00:49.000 I'm an adult.

02:00:49.000 I'm going to live with my grandparents for the next 20 years.

02:00:52.000 Correct.

02:00:53.000 Being a rock star.

02:00:54.000 In and out, bringing chicks in, fucking them, fucking rocking them.

02:00:58.000 Bringing chicks to my grandparents' house, just like Motley Crew did.

02:01:02.000 She did ruin a lot of hookups there.

02:01:05.000 You know, you lock the door.

02:01:07.000 You ruined them.

02:01:08.000 Had to get a little bit.

02:01:09.000 Sorry, go ahead with your question.

02:01:10.000 You're the last caller on the Get Off My Lawn hit show, Get Off My Lawn.

02:01:17.000 Well, what an honor.

02:01:18.000 Well, thank you.

02:01:19.000 I'll get into it.

02:01:21.000 I would like to say season three, episode 23, Gavin is Unstoppable, was by far a most hilarious one for me.

02:01:30.000 I would appreciate more kangaroo boy LARPing.

02:01:34.000 It got some bad reviews.

02:01:36.000 The subscribers seemed very annoyed by that episode.

02:01:40.000 I was pretty happy.

02:01:41.000 Fuck him.

02:01:46.000 On another note, season three, episode 29 at timestamp 5651 regarding the large male cop with the hair bun and hefty beard.

02:01:59.000 Have I been living under a rock or is this an oddity to either of you two as well?

02:02:04.000 I wouldn't guess that that is dress code compliant and that they must be desperate for cops.

02:02:10.000 All right, let me fight you in my thin hoodie, performance sandals, insert Oxford comic here, and toe socks on while Alice in chains plays as ambience.

02:02:20.000 Thanks for answering.

02:02:21.000 Okay, thanks for calling.

02:02:22.000 And in the future, you don't need to write out your questions.

02:02:27.000 Did you find that episode?

02:02:29.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

02:02:30.000 Yeah, they can't.

02:02:31.000 Can they have beards even?

02:02:33.000 They can't have beards in New York, I don't think.

02:02:35.000 Yeah, the guy had a legit man bun.

02:02:38.000 A man bun?

02:02:40.000 No.

02:02:42.000 Oh, that's New York City.

02:02:44.000 Wait, what was the timecode again?

02:02:49.000 I forget the time.

02:02:49.000 I thought it was 56.

02:02:51.000 They can't have a fucking man bun?

02:02:54.000 Yeah, I remember that video.

02:02:55.000 Okay, so it should be in the notes for that show there, but.

02:03:01.000 You really got it.

02:03:01.000 I don't know.

02:03:02.000 If someone says a time code, write it down.

02:03:04.000 56.

02:03:04.000 God, my body is getting so hot.

02:03:08.000 Like, temperature-wise, or attractive as it is.

02:03:11.000 I've been drinking beer of this all night, so not right now, but in the day after working out, I'm becoming ripped.

02:03:18.000 I'm becoming like breathtakingly gorgeous.

02:03:21.000 Look at these fucking pipes.

02:03:24.000 Those are piping.

02:03:25.000 I know they're not that impressive to you, but compared to the Grover arms I've been dealing with for the past few years, I'm very happy.

02:03:31.000 Of course, it takes working out an hour a fucking day.

02:03:35.000 Yeah, man buns are not acceptable.

02:03:37.000 And if you do wear a man bun as a cop, we hope that you get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.

02:03:54.000 Worms make the cruel design, say a DIE into her skin.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - November 05, 2020

GOML LIVE #71 - HUNTING CHASON

Episode Stats

Length

Words per Minute

Word Count

Sentence Count

Misogynist Sentences

Hate Speech Sentences

Summary

Transcript