Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - April 22, 2021


GOML LIVE #95 - THEY'RE WINNING


Episode Stats

Length

1 hour and 2 minutes

Words per Minute

142.62321

Word Count

8,971

Sentence Count

1,021

Misogynist Sentences

42

Hate Speech Sentences

53


Summary

Kevin and Ryan talk about the French national anthem and how Jesus is in their bad books. They also talk about a guy with Down Syndrome writing a copy for a Johnny Apple ad and a guy who thinks he has extra chromosomes.


Transcript

00:00:13.000 Live from New York, it's Get Up 11 with Kevin McGinnis.
00:00:34.000 We know the Lord, we see the Lord, we true Lord, strong and free from I could have sworn when I was a kid it was with glowing hearts we see the Christ,
00:00:52.000 the true Lord, strong and free.
00:00:53.000 That was O Canada, hit from my hometown.
00:01:01.000 Yeah, I think they changed it to be less Christy.
00:01:08.000 I also remember with the Lord's Prayer, we would go, Our Father in heaven, hello, my name, the kingdom of heaven, will be down in the earth in heaven.
00:01:14.000 Give us daily bread and forgive us the trespass we've gone to trespass against us.
00:01:17.000 And lead us out of savage, deliver us from evil.
00:01:19.000 For thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever and ever.
00:01:25.000 Amen.
00:01:26.000 Did you do that?
00:01:27.000 I don't remember that part.
00:01:29.000 The kingdom and the power and the glory?
00:01:30.000 No, they must have done that.
00:01:32.000 They must have done the change before Little Rye Guy was born.
00:01:35.000 But in French here, the battle cry for Christ and King, yeah.
00:01:40.000 Original French version.
00:01:42.000 Back to O Canada?
00:01:43.000 Yep.
00:01:45.000 So with glowing hearts, we see the Christ.
00:01:47.000 Is that what it says?
00:01:49.000 For Christ and King, I'm only saying there.
00:01:53.000 Wait, what are you talking about, Ryan?
00:01:54.000 That's the French national anthem, you absolute retard.
00:01:58.000 O Canada.
00:02:00.000 Oh, Canada, beneath the shining seas.
00:02:03.000 Yeah, the original our home and a native land.
00:02:06.000 Original patriot love with all our sons command.
00:02:09.000 With glowing hearts, we see the Christ, the true Lord, strong and free.
00:02:17.000 Anyway.
00:02:21.000 I'm mad at Christ this week.
00:02:25.000 Just kidding.
00:02:26.000 It'd be funny if you're like mad at Christ.
00:02:29.000 That's pretty metal, but it's not the best where to be.
00:02:32.000 Jesus Christ is in my bad books this week.
00:02:36.000 No, he's not.
00:02:37.000 Can we stop printing out color pictures?
00:02:40.000 I'm cheap.
00:02:40.000 This is like printing out color on a home printer or a studio printer is as bad as messing with a man's thermostat.
00:02:54.000 Notes from the ad guy, please don't read on air.
00:02:57.000 I hope you have a great show.
00:02:59.000 We'll get listeners one and two.
00:03:01.000 A really nice prize pack from Johnny Apple since yesterday was $4.20.
00:03:04.000 Could you not bust my chops anymore when I say I want to send pizza?
00:03:08.000 Where I come from, I want to send you a pizza means like how you say I like you more than a friend.
00:03:13.000 I had my friends at the MYPD vet the last joint I sent you a pizza from.
00:03:17.000 I'm not sending a pizza with Antifa chovies, bro.
00:03:20.000 You're my favorite client.
00:03:21.000 Pizza's what, bro.
00:03:22.000 That's not true.
00:03:23.000 He's lying.
00:03:25.000 There's no way that the MYPD were familiar with the pizza joints near our studio.
00:03:32.000 No way he found that.
00:03:33.000 He doesn't kid.
00:03:34.000 You're a liar.
00:03:36.000 Let's jump into Tactical Walls.
00:03:39.000 Happy, belated 420 mon.
00:03:42.000 Sorry.
00:03:43.000 This episode of Gmail is brought to you by Johnny Apple CBD.
00:03:47.000 Callers one and two are getting the 420 Johnny Apple CBD prize pack and some other stuff from the ad guys prize wheel just because.
00:03:54.000 This is a 420 poem from Johnny Apple.
00:03:59.000 Wait, this is a Johnny Apple ad, Ryan.
00:04:01.000 I know it's weird that he jumped into taxes.
00:04:03.000 He did do it a little jumping.
00:04:04.000 That's okay.
00:04:05.000 I'm not sure why he did that.
00:04:06.000 But I think he may have written this without permission from Johnny Apple.
00:04:11.000 So this does not reflect the views of Johnny Apple?
00:04:14.000 Milo Iianopoulos has some sort of lawsuit going on where this guy, he claims that he gave Milo like 50 grand to do like a telethon uncensored.
00:04:25.000 And I don't think he did it.
00:04:27.000 Well, he didn't do it.
00:04:29.000 So this guy calls all our advertisers and harasses them.
00:04:32.000 He wants this money and all our contributors and everyone.
00:04:35.000 He hasn't called me very much.
00:04:37.000 I'm not sure why.
00:04:39.000 And he wants Milo to give him the money back.
00:04:43.000 So I assume Tactical Walls and Johnny Apple have been getting harassed by this guy who claims Milo owes him 50 grand.
00:04:50.000 Which means when you see our advertisers know that they have been berated and harassed on a regular basis, that's not unlike...
00:05:00.000 Sorry, that is unlike any other show.
00:05:03.000 When you see most advertisers outside of, say, Tucker Carlson, they're just advertising and they're promoting a thing and that's it.
00:05:11.000 Not at G-O-M-L.
00:05:13.000 You son of a bitch.
00:05:15.000 We also have a person with Down syndrome writing the ad copy.
00:05:19.000 I didn't write the ad copy at all.
00:05:20.000 That was our ad guy.
00:05:22.000 Right.
00:05:22.000 We have many people with Down syndrome who work here.
00:05:26.000 There's a lot of extra chromosomes floating around.
00:05:30.000 Make a whole new fucking whole ass person with these extras.
00:05:33.000 So here's his poem he's written on behalf of Johnny Apple CBD.
00:05:36.000 Johnny Apple is a sexy guy.
00:05:38.000 His CBD is the number, and this is why it helps you sleep when you are stressed.
00:05:42.000 That's why Johnny Apple is the best.
00:05:46.000 And then he writes, Nothing Rhymes with Shit on My Chest.
00:05:51.000 That actually wasn't that bad, dude.
00:05:52.000 No, it's good.
00:05:53.000 That poem sucked, he says, but the CBD is tremendous.
00:05:56.000 So go buy some Johnny Apple and show our guys love.
00:05:59.000 Go to jacbd.com.
00:06:01.000 Enter promo code Gavin.
00:06:03.000 And today, you're getting 35% off everything for 420.
00:06:07.000 These Johnny Apple guys are like us politically.
00:06:10.000 If you support me, support Johnny Apple CBD.
00:06:12.000 We're coming up on two years of Johnny being on the show with us.
00:06:15.000 And it is basically 420.
00:06:17.000 Treat yourself to some excellent CBD and feel as great as I do, biz chiz.
00:06:22.000 Go to jacbd.com, enter promo code Gavin, and today you're getting 35% off everything for 420.
00:06:33.000 Then he writes, I'm Gavin McInnes with a question mark.
00:06:36.000 I'm not sure what that means.
00:06:37.000 jacbd.com enter promo code gavin 35 off everything for 420.
00:12:47.000 cool that's not what you do when you bring a woman to a new country 3000 miles away you're a dick so how did they get here i totally understand That being in the turd world, but how did it get here?
00:13:04.000 They're just hardworking people.
00:13:06.000 Okay, how did they get here?
00:13:08.000 Are they illegals?
00:13:11.000 How did Chinese illegals get here?
00:13:12.000 It's far.
00:13:13.000 I get how Mexicans do it.
00:13:16.000 Anyway, so that woman there, so in my neighborhood, there's some black woman who drives around to Honda Civic, and she will go through the recycling and take the cans.
00:13:24.000 And so the people who this app has been tested on have said, I feel bad for her.
00:13:33.000 And the guy who told it to me, he didn't understand, or I don't think he understood, how horrifying that is to say.
00:13:43.000 Like, if you care about them, care about that woman right there, go give her $100 and fuck off.
00:13:49.000 Right.
00:13:49.000 Like, don't sit there in your living room and open the curtains and go, she's enjoying my gift.
00:13:56.000 I'm letting my garbage that I let her rifle through.
00:14:00.000 And then they go over, they close the curtains and then just, you know, lock the deadbolt just in case she gets any crazy ideas.
00:14:08.000 You fucking, you are so pourgeois.
00:14:11.000 You're such a fucking aristocrat that you think you are helping the poor by allowing them to rifle through your fucking garbage?
00:14:21.000 People don't even pity raccoons.
00:14:23.000 So they're sub-raccoon the way they look at.
00:14:25.000 They're a true level of unawareness.
00:14:32.000 If you think you're helping by allowing the poor to sift through your fucking garbage, you suck.
00:14:40.000 I want to fight the guy who said that.
00:14:43.000 I should say to the dude who brought it up, I should be like, yeah, I also have that problem.
00:14:49.000 I'm worried about my garbage pickers not getting enough.
00:14:53.000 I'd love to talk to him about it.
00:14:55.000 What's his name again?
00:14:57.000 I like him too, but I don't know if I like him that much.
00:15:03.000 I'm sorry.
00:15:04.000 And you know, I had a few beers over at Anthony's, so maybe this doesn't sound as crazy to you as it does to me, but like, I'm worried about my garbage being me sifting my own garbage because basically what they're saying is, it's such a wonderful thing that I do for the community,
00:15:24.000 which is allow them to touch my fucking garbage.
00:15:28.000 I'm worried about my new toilets.
00:15:30.000 I liked that the poor could go through my shit and pick out kernels of corn and feed their family, but now that the shit goes right into the septic tanks, I feel bad for them.
00:15:42.000 They can't sift through my feces.
00:15:48.000 Are my nuts?
00:15:51.000 Does that make you mad?
00:15:53.000 It makes me fucking furious.
00:15:56.000 Oh.
00:15:57.000 Oh, the cans.
00:15:59.000 I'm so worried about the cans.
00:16:05.000 You know what it also said?
00:16:06.000 What?
00:16:07.000 I was just looking at Shiz Mabin.
00:16:10.000 It's gone.
00:16:11.000 It's gone.
00:16:13.000 Somebody.
00:16:13.000 You just stabbed me in the chest with a rapier.
00:16:17.000 It's bad.
00:16:19.000 Please be kidding.
00:16:20.000 Maybe you haven't logged in right.
00:16:21.000 See, this is how our brains work.
00:16:23.000 We don't accept the truth.
00:16:24.000 No, you know what I did?
00:16:25.000 I looked up to see...
00:16:27.000 He spelt it wrong.
00:16:28.000 That's bad, man.
00:16:29.000 I checked to see if they exist on Facebook or Twitter or if they have another account.
00:16:34.000 Nothing.
00:16:35.000 That's crazy.
00:16:35.000 You just typed it in wrong.
00:16:37.000 A friend named Wymed, viewer of the show, let me know.
00:16:39.000 Okay, that's you.
00:16:40.000 There it is.
00:16:41.000 You got it wrong.
00:16:42.000 Okay, that happened.
00:16:44.000 That didn't happen, folks.
00:16:46.000 Ryan's made a mistake again.
00:16:50.000 So, you know, I tried to search for it.
00:16:51.000 It's definitely there, okay?
00:16:52.000 I'm just going to look at my phone.
00:16:54.000 Shizmobin.
00:16:55.000 This guy, he's such a joke.
00:16:57.000 I even tried to look.
00:16:58.000 Maybe they have a Reddit.
00:17:00.000 He's a very silly boy.
00:17:01.000 There's no Reddit there.
00:17:03.000 As Biden would describe him, he's that funny Japanese boy.
00:17:07.000 Anything you click.
00:17:09.000 Oh, I see a YouTube.
00:17:11.000 Shiz.
00:17:12.000 Shizm.
00:17:14.000 Shizma.
00:17:17.000 Shizmab.
00:17:20.000 What's happening here?
00:17:23.000 What the fuck happened?
00:17:25.000 It seems to be gone, you see.
00:17:27.000 That hurts.
00:17:29.000 That hurts.
00:17:30.000 Now, this is good.
00:17:32.000 Okay.
00:17:32.000 12 subscribers.
00:17:34.000 I don't know when they joined.
00:17:35.000 Let's see.
00:17:36.000 Joined 2013.
00:17:38.000 This is not the same Shizmabin.
00:17:40.000 A year ago, they posted this.
00:17:42.000 Shizmabin is Shizgabin.
00:17:43.000 It's Shizgabin.
00:17:45.000 That fucking hurts.
00:17:47.000 You know why?
00:17:47.000 Here's another Shizzin.
00:17:48.000 Shizmabin's gone.
00:17:49.000 Too much truth.
00:17:51.000 Yep.
00:17:52.000 Too much raw footage of Hood.
00:17:55.000 Oh, wait, wait, wait.
00:17:56.000 Hood fight in East.
00:17:57.000 You know what?
00:17:57.000 Maybe he'll be more active on his YouTube because this might be it.
00:18:00.000 Hood fight in East New York, and his thing is 718 East New York.
00:18:05.000 So although this was eight years ago, this is shismobin content right here.
00:18:10.000 This is what we know and love him for.
00:18:12.000 Rest in peace.
00:18:14.000 That was a good punch.
00:18:15.000 Not that guy, but Shismobin.
00:18:16.000 As I said on Anthony's, sorry, on my show with Anthony today, I saw these junkies at Penn Station, and I was just like, I should just start fighting them.
00:18:25.000 Trying out new moves.
00:18:27.000 They're standing there like weird, stupid statues.
00:18:31.000 Why not try it?
00:18:32.000 Is it even assault?
00:18:34.000 No.
00:18:34.000 When someone's like...
00:18:39.000 I think you get...
00:18:39.000 Maybe they would charge you with accelerating the inevitable.
00:18:44.000 Look.
00:18:44.000 Is that your name?
00:18:45.000 Accelerating the inevitable?
00:18:46.000 When'd you become such a fucking geek?
00:18:48.000 Since I'm donning my outfit.
00:18:51.000 Okay.
00:18:51.000 It's my falling up.
00:18:52.000 Okay, mid-roll.
00:18:53.000 Tactical walls.
00:18:55.000 This was Anthony's tweet on that same thing about...
00:18:58.000 It was brutal, man.
00:18:59.000 Past 20 George.
00:19:00.000 He's coming from Penn Station.
00:19:01.000 I'm on 35th and 7th.
00:19:06.000 Totally different.
00:19:06.000 Well, it's like a block away, but just like fucking junkies, man.
00:19:13.000 Pre-Giuliani, New York.
00:19:17.000 Gavin, please don't read this out loud.
00:19:19.000 It's from Tactical Tim, the guy behind Tactical Walls.
00:19:23.000 Uh-oh.
00:19:25.000 So edit this out.
00:19:27.000 We're not live, are we?
00:19:28.000 We are live.
00:19:30.000 In the last show, Ryan was showing our website while Gav was doing the read.
00:19:34.000 Ryan happened to be on our VMOD page where we build systems and land cruisers.
00:19:38.000 We got a VMOD order this week from a customer who called and let us know he ordered because of Gavin's show.
00:19:44.000 Thank you guys.
00:19:47.000 However, Ryan's face is distracting.
00:19:51.000 He is one of the ugliest people I've ever seen in my life.
00:19:54.000 He looks like one of the weird creatures from Men in Black.
00:19:58.000 Is it possible when you are doing these reads for tactical walls, you avoid showing his face?
00:20:07.000 Oh, wow.
00:20:09.000 I resent that.
00:20:13.000 Also, it says, who built his teeth?
00:20:15.000 Edward scissor hands?
00:20:17.000 I don't even know what that means.
00:20:18.000 That doesn't make any sense.
00:20:19.000 They're saying my teeth are so awful that the craftsmanship was done by a man, Johnny Depp, who has hands that are scissors.
00:20:27.000 That's fucking terrible.
00:20:29.000 I know.
00:20:29.000 I think that's not true.
00:20:30.000 No wonder they didn't want us to read that aloud.
00:20:33.000 Yeah, I wish you didn't either.
00:20:34.000 I regret it.
00:20:35.000 I think.
00:20:36.000 Can we change this in post?
00:20:38.000 This is live.
00:20:39.000 This is live.
00:20:40.000 Yeah.
00:20:41.000 That's terrible.
00:20:42.000 That's terrible.
00:20:43.000 Eigen's too good for you.
00:20:45.000 You have hurt me today.
00:20:47.000 Thank you guys, the audience, for interacting with Tactical Wallace and Tactical Tim.
00:20:51.000 Great team over there.
00:20:52.000 Please keep this up.
00:20:53.000 Tactical Tim and the Tactical Team will customize anything you want to keep the family safe.
00:20:59.000 Please show the customized merchandise Tim has sent.
00:21:01.000 Tactical...
00:21:02.000 The customized merchandise Tim has sent.
00:21:04.000 Well, we have the shelf.
00:21:05.000 We can't show that again.
00:21:07.000 Although the graphic is the shelf.
00:21:08.000 And, of course, we have our trophy there.
00:21:12.000 Tactical Walls doesn't just do gun stuff, though.
00:21:15.000 The Mod Wall system from Tactical Walls can be used to organize your sporting goods, outdoor equipment, and your tools.
00:21:22.000 And guitar, if you're Ryan Katzu Rivera, but Shredmaster 5000 or anyone else who jams.
00:21:27.000 Wow, it sounds like this Tactical Tim, despite your hideous looks, likes you.
00:21:32.000 He does.
00:21:36.000 Right now, my listeners get 20% off all orders at TacticalWalls.com with promo code Gavin.
00:21:40.000 Hide anything you need with TacticalWalls.com, promo code Gavin.
00:21:43.000 Even if you need to hide your wife, hide your kids, because someone's trying to cash you outside.
00:21:48.000 How about that?
00:21:49.000 The team at Tactical Walls will help keep your family safe.
00:21:52.000 I have a feeling that our copy writer is Chicago-based, whereas Tactical Walls is more southern.
00:21:58.000 TacticalWalls.com, promo code Gavin.
00:22:01.000 And then it says I'm Gavin McInnes again with a question mark.
00:22:04.000 I don't get that joke.
00:22:07.000 And then last time, tacticalwalls.com, promo code Gavin.
00:22:13.000 We've got some post-roll mention coming up here where you're meant to go to bubbandhanks.com and buy some wagyu ground beef for the Father's Day burgers.
00:22:22.000 Use promo code Gavin and get 20% off.
00:22:24.000 Chartered here for a small business.
00:22:26.000 Support the West.
00:22:26.000 Wagyu beef in the business.
00:22:28.000 Don't be a Wales vagina.
00:22:30.000 I am Gavin McInnes.
00:22:31.000 Our ad guy is a good guy.
00:22:35.000 Hardworking dude.
00:22:37.000 He's also a very unusual gentleman.
00:22:40.000 Sure.
00:22:41.000 He brought us Wayne Dupree.
00:22:45.000 He says, I am Gavin McInnes on a regular basis in the ad copy.
00:22:48.000 He's just now finally figured out not to write www.
00:22:54.000 Yeah, it took a little bit of a hint.
00:22:56.000 You do a good imitation of him.
00:22:58.000 Listen, I mean, you guys are our favorite.
00:23:01.000 You know, I mean, you know, we had the thing with the other guy.
00:23:04.000 I don't even want to mention his name, but dude, let me buy you a pizza, bro.
00:23:07.000 I mean, it's going to be, like, he's actually Sebastian-esque.
00:23:10.000 Chicago is kind of a thing.
00:23:12.000 They got a thing.
00:23:12.000 He's got a Menescalco thing?
00:23:14.000 Yeah.
00:23:14.000 Aren't you embarrassed?
00:23:15.000 I was writing the ad copy and I was like, what are you doing?
00:23:21.000 That's what he sounds like.
00:23:23.000 Who writes a review?
00:23:25.000 WW, dad?
00:23:27.000 I go to a restaurant.
00:23:29.000 I go, the tuna sucks.
00:23:30.000 Let's get out of here.
00:23:32.000 Who goes home and types out a fucking review?
00:23:35.000 Aren't you embarrassed?
00:23:40.000 The fucking voice crack gets me.
00:23:42.000 Look at this beautiful piece of artwork.
00:23:46.000 From GML Live, number 88.
00:23:50.000 Season 14, episode 88.
00:23:52.000 JK.
00:23:55.000 Great story.
00:23:56.000 All right, should we take some calls?
00:23:58.000 Should we do this thing?
00:23:59.000 Oh, well, you already know.
00:24:01.000 Let's do this thing.
00:24:02.000 Rest in peace, shizmopping.
00:24:04.000 This is how we're going to keep it fun.
00:24:06.000 Anytime a call gets remotely boring, we're going to cut you off.
00:24:10.000 Unless it's chicks.
00:24:11.000 Yeah.
00:24:12.000 It's weird how many chicks listen to our show because I consider the show pretty sexist.
00:24:18.000 I mean, I did say on last episode that women should not have a voice.
00:24:25.000 That's pretty bad.
00:24:27.000 Well, I did support the Taliban.
00:24:31.000 Okay.
00:24:31.000 That's pretty bad.
00:24:32.000 But I think the women who watch this show tend to be housewives, tend to be moms, and they know how much I revere them and how thankful I am that they made humans.
00:24:41.000 And I don't think a lot of people recognize that.
00:24:44.000 Like when I see a woman with a kid, I go, what the fuck?
00:24:49.000 You made that?
00:24:51.000 Thank you.
00:24:52.000 That's what chivalry is based on, by the way.
00:24:55.000 When you open the door for a woman or when you get up so she can sit down, it's saying thanks for continuing the species.
00:25:00.000 You're incredible.
00:25:01.000 You're magic.
00:25:02.000 Your vagina made a human.
00:25:06.000 Which is why I'm going to start saying on the train before I get up.
00:25:09.000 Are you going to be having kids?
00:25:12.000 On the train?
00:25:13.000 What?
00:25:13.000 No, no, no.
00:25:14.000 No, ever.
00:25:16.000 Because I want to get up.
00:25:18.000 But if you're not ever having kids, or you're a lesbian or whatever, well, then you're me.
00:25:25.000 And if you're me, then I'm just you.
00:25:28.000 I'm already here.
00:25:29.000 Who got here faster and got a chair.
00:25:30.000 So I'm sitting down.
00:25:32.000 Don't worry.
00:25:33.000 You're already here.
00:25:33.000 If you're a magical being who makes children.
00:25:37.000 By the way, you may have noticed my new shirts say GM.
00:25:41.000 That's so I know which ones are big enough for my new.
00:25:44.000 I don't want to say fat neck.
00:25:45.000 I want to say ripped neck.
00:25:47.000 Yep.
00:25:48.000 I'm ripped now.
00:25:49.000 Oh, and Coulter just put this out.
00:25:51.000 Look at this.
00:25:52.000 This is in St. Mark's.
00:25:53.000 I was just there like a few hours ago.
00:25:56.000 Oh, boom.
00:25:57.000 Oh, dude.
00:25:59.000 We have to start warning people.
00:25:59.000 Did you see that blood?
00:26:01.000 Nope.
00:26:01.000 I looked away.
00:26:04.000 And fuck you, bitch.
00:26:06.000 And what's the point of that?
00:26:09.000 What the hell is that?
00:26:10.000 What was that about?
00:26:11.000 A million things.
00:26:12.000 Really?
00:26:12.000 Could it?
00:26:13.000 Of course.
00:26:14.000 That's not random.
00:26:15.000 I don't think it's random.
00:26:15.000 Yeah, it doesn't look random.
00:26:16.000 It looks execution style.
00:26:18.000 She's like jealous.
00:26:18.000 She's seeing.
00:26:19.000 We assume it's love.
00:26:20.000 It's always love or money, right?
00:26:23.000 So it could be that she got that girl's boyfriend.
00:26:27.000 They both seem like women.
00:26:30.000 Oh, that is cold and heartless.
00:26:34.000 Yeah, well, what about the baby?
00:26:36.000 My son, my eight-year-old son, goes, is it true a baby got shot?
00:26:40.000 Oh, wow.
00:26:41.000 It's like, yeah.
00:26:42.000 Was that in New York City?
00:26:44.000 No, no, no.
00:26:46.000 I think South Carolina.
00:26:48.000 But we're going to hear zero about that shit.
00:26:50.000 And we're going to hear zero about Michaela and how she had been abandoned by everyone around her.
00:26:58.000 Totally abandoned.
00:26:59.000 Just like George Floyd.
00:27:00.000 The closer you get to the person, the less they care.
00:27:04.000 And the mother abandoned her and went to foster care.
00:27:07.000 That's why you see the mother doing these interviews where she's like, yeah, yeah, she's, well, she was named after like a kind of African like warrior kind of a thing.
00:27:19.000 And very peaceful.
00:27:22.000 She was very peaceful.
00:27:24.000 And she was kind of motherly, if I recall.
00:27:26.000 I hadn't seen her in a while.
00:27:28.000 But yeah, motherly.
00:27:29.000 I thought she was pretty cool.
00:27:31.000 I thought she was pretty cool.
00:27:32.000 And then they cut to her aunt.
00:27:35.000 She was a woman of power and circumference.
00:27:41.000 She dictated her asquiescence on a regular basis to each and every one of us around her.
00:27:50.000 Okay.
00:27:51.000 Well, the mom abandoned her to foster care.
00:27:54.000 Why don't you scoop up the pieces?
00:27:58.000 Where were you?
00:28:00.000 And as I was saying on the show with Aunt today, it's particularly hard on a kid to be abandoned when you're poor and black because they don't really do that as much.
00:28:12.000 Of course, the dads walk out, but as far as the cousins and the aunts and the grandparents, blacks and Hispanics tend to pick up the pieces and go, yeah, you can stay here.
00:28:21.000 The why of things.
00:28:23.000 I don't think rich whites do that.
00:28:25.000 I am a woman.
00:28:26.000 I am black.
00:28:29.000 So yeah, let's take some calls.
00:28:31.000 Okay, we got Vladimir.
00:28:34.000 Vladimir.
00:28:36.000 Hello.
00:28:37.000 Hello.
00:28:38.000 I want to make relations with you with my heels on.
00:28:44.000 Sounds good.
00:28:45.000 Let's do it.
00:28:48.000 Good.
00:28:49.000 I wondered what your opinion was.
00:28:52.000 I was talking with employee, fellow employee, and he was saying that this following Tuesday is going to be the rapture.
00:29:03.000 I say no.
00:29:04.000 I do not think this is so.
00:29:07.000 I was wondering your opinion on said rapture and if that's like, you know, if you think a rapture is coming or whatever, I don't know.
00:29:20.000 There's not President Donald Trump.
00:29:23.000 Thanks for calling.
00:29:25.000 You can't break character, dude.
00:29:26.000 You got to keep it.
00:29:28.000 You got to commit to the bit.
00:29:32.000 No, I don't think a rapture is coming.
00:29:35.000 There's not going to be a rapture.
00:29:37.000 There's not going to be a rapture.
00:29:39.000 We're not going to be defined by fear is not going to be a thing where we're not scared of people and women and equality and that's not going to be a thing.
00:30:05.000 There's not going to be a President Donald Trump.
00:30:11.000 What is this?
00:30:14.000 It's like an all-shuck.
00:30:16.000 Was it a 37-hour press conference, George?
00:30:20.000 I'm getting tired here at this 37-hour press conference.
00:30:28.000 Donald Trump will be president when pigs fly.
00:30:33.000 Next call.
00:30:35.000 We have Johnny and Kevin's Big Deke.
00:30:40.000 Did I read that right?
00:30:42.000 Yo.
00:30:43.000 Hey guys, how's it going?
00:30:44.000 Hey, man.
00:30:47.000 No, it was actually Gavin's Big Dick.
00:30:50.000 You were telling the story the other day about your dad and how he's at the bar.
00:30:55.000 He's got a giant meter that was like a big one.
00:30:57.000 Big package, yeah.
00:30:58.000 Big package.
00:31:00.000 So there was this, there's this clip I sent it to you guys in the mailbag of Prophet Sebastian Bach on Phil Anselmo from Pantera.
00:31:09.000 And he told a pretty funny story about Phil Anselmo's pick.
00:31:12.000 Maybe you guys want to check it out.
00:31:14.000 Anyway, thanks for taking the time.
00:31:15.000 All right, thanks for calling.
00:31:16.000 Let's check out Finn Phil Anselmo, who is one of the funniest people I've ever met.
00:31:23.000 He talks about, what's his name from Corrosion of Conformity, who he played with, Pepper.
00:31:33.000 And he calls him Coke Stradamus, because when he gets high on Coke, he has all these wise predictions about the world, and they're not that wise.
00:31:42.000 And he lies a lot, Pepper does.
00:31:45.000 But Philanselmo's a fucking hilarious dude.
00:31:52.000 Speaking of uncertain, the mansion is known to be well hung.
00:31:56.000 I mean, I don't know how to.
00:32:00.000 Only because you were telling a really funny story the other night, the rainbow.
00:32:03.000 Like, you know, you're up there in the rough world.
00:32:06.000 I'm known to have a big one.
00:32:10.000 Tell the story.
00:32:40.000 Things were better back then.
00:32:42.000 Can you imagine that discussion on anything today?
00:32:45.000 Wasn't that MTV?
00:32:47.000 No, that was VH1 Classic.
00:32:49.000 That was that novel show.
00:32:51.000 VH1.
00:32:52.000 What am I then?
00:32:53.000 What am I five years old?
00:32:54.000 What do I care about this?
00:32:55.000 I'm going to have fucking ketchup on my seven inches long.
00:32:58.000 Who cares?
00:33:00.000 How big?
00:33:01.000 It was this dude, Mark Ryan.
00:33:02.000 He's that big.
00:33:03.000 You know, remember the girl I told you about where my friend was fucking her and there was a condom in her pussy that was not his?
00:33:12.000 He pulls it out and he goes, who's a condom in your pussy?
00:33:14.000 And she goes, I know, that's bugged out, right?
00:33:17.000 Now that was, the whole story there was Puerto Ricans.
00:33:20.000 Yeah, totally.
00:33:21.000 And Trevor and Mark in like 1999, they go, wait a minute, there's all these Puerto Ricans everywhere.
00:33:28.000 No one knows them.
00:33:31.000 Only like blacks know them.
00:33:33.000 What about some white guys start like hitting on them?
00:33:36.000 And he goes, great idea.
00:33:38.000 Like the land of Z. They became explorers like Indiana Jones.
00:33:42.000 And they just started going up to Puerto Ricans.
00:33:44.000 Random white dudes.
00:33:46.000 Mark was from New Jersey and Trevor's from Florida.
00:33:50.000 And they were like, hi, what's going on?
00:33:51.000 My name's Trevor.
00:33:52.000 And they'd never spoken to a white guy before.
00:33:54.000 This is the thing about New York City.
00:33:56.000 Oh, it's a melting pot.
00:33:57.000 The beastie boys go, yo, we all get together on the subway.
00:34:01.000 Black, Dominican, Puerto Rican.
00:34:04.000 We're all best friends and we all hang out.
00:34:06.000 That's fucking complete horseshit.
00:34:08.000 It's different pieces of paper, different planes.
00:34:11.000 Hasidic Jews don't know any Puerto Ricans, even though they're their neighbors.
00:34:16.000 Don't know any middle-class whites.
00:34:18.000 They don't know any Jews.
00:34:19.000 Like, there's zero diversity.
00:34:22.000 There's no melting pot in New York.
00:34:25.000 Gays, everyone has their districts.
00:34:27.000 And if you're in an area where that other group isn't normally, it could be a fight.
00:34:32.000 It's a big deal.
00:34:33.000 What are you doing out of your territory?
00:34:38.000 So they are attractive.
00:34:41.000 I'm not going to lie.
00:34:44.000 So they started going up to Puerto Ricans.
00:34:46.000 And then Mark was fucking one, and she had a condom in her pussy that was not his.
00:34:52.000 And then she said, that's bugged out, right?
00:34:54.000 While chewing gum.
00:34:55.000 She had big pigtails.
00:34:56.000 But the reason I bring up this concept of the Puerto Ricans and going up to them is for a very, very important reason.
00:35:08.000 And I resent that a lot of subscribers right now are thinking I forgot why I brought up this subject.
00:35:15.000 And I got to be honest.
00:35:16.000 I'm insulted.
00:35:17.000 That hurts because I did remember.
00:35:19.000 And it was, I was at a bar with Mark and see if you can look up Mark Ryan.
00:35:24.000 I wonder if anything comes up.
00:35:26.000 He came with this brilliant graffiti name when he started doing graffiti.
00:35:31.000 You know what it was?
00:35:32.000 What?
00:35:33.000 Mark Ryan.
00:35:36.000 He wrote Mark Ryan as his graffiti name.
00:35:40.000 So people would see him.
00:35:41.000 No, that's not him.
00:35:42.000 Maybe like hardcore.
00:35:47.000 Anyway, we were at a bar once and he's known as a dude with an insanely big dick.
00:35:52.000 And I was like, I kind of have a big dick too.
00:35:55.000 Yeah, that's him with the hood up.
00:35:57.000 Oh, really?
00:35:58.000 Yeah.
00:35:59.000 Oh, shit.
00:36:00.000 Found him.
00:36:01.000 What was that?
00:36:02.000 Minor Threat Part 2?
00:36:04.000 So I pulled out my dick to blow his mind.
00:36:08.000 And then, you know what he pulled out of his pants?
00:36:10.000 Just an arm.
00:36:11.000 A bowl of spaghetti.
00:36:13.000 Oh, yeah, that's right.
00:36:14.000 The spaghetti dick.
00:36:15.000 Spaghetti dick.
00:36:16.000 It just went on and on and on.
00:36:18.000 It looked like, you know what?
00:36:19.000 Say you're dealing with your motorcycle and you're trying to fix the indicators and you rip open the thing and you're like, I want to, it's my hazards every time.
00:36:30.000 I need my right indicator, my left indicator to be separate.
00:36:32.000 And then you look at the wires and you go, I can't fix this.
00:36:35.000 That's his dick.
00:36:38.000 He went to fucking LA to become a porn star.
00:36:41.000 He got clean off for smack and he's like, I want to do something with my life.
00:36:45.000 And then someone goes, you have a big dick.
00:36:47.000 You should become a porn star.
00:36:48.000 And he did.
00:36:48.000 He only gets blown by Italian broads.
00:36:52.000 He only gets blown by that African tribe where they have the nine discs on their necks.
00:37:00.000 One time, this girl, Sarah Brunia, the Killer Branilla, she called herself.
00:37:07.000 She was an employee at our store, and she fired this dude with a man bun, and she got slapped in the face hard, like an open-handed slap.
00:37:19.000 So she called us crying.
00:37:20.000 It was actually Shane's girlfriend, the guy I started Vice with, or sorry, a guy I hired to do sales after I started Vice with Sarouche.
00:37:27.000 So we fucking zip down there in the car, and as I'm in a taxi, as I'm running towards the taxi, I see Mark Ryan.
00:37:35.000 And he goes, yo, where you going?
00:37:38.000 His accent was fucking nuts.
00:37:40.000 And I go, is he there?
00:37:42.000 Any of those guys?
00:37:43.000 No, that's his crew, though.
00:37:44.000 That's the dude from Sick of It All, I believe.
00:37:49.000 And I was like, we got to go kick the shit of this dude who beat up a chick.
00:37:53.000 And he's like, yo, that's a blessing in disguise, yo.
00:37:57.000 I got to come with you.
00:37:59.000 I'm like, okay, come on in.
00:38:00.000 And he goes, I was me, Shane, and now Mark Ryan.
00:38:03.000 He's like, yo, I was so fucking pissed off this morning.
00:38:06.000 I wanted to fucking take someone out.
00:38:09.000 And now you guys show up.
00:38:10.000 It's like a sign from God.
00:38:12.000 It's fucking, it's a blessing in disguise, yo.
00:38:17.000 Okay, let's go.
00:38:18.000 So we're going up to, he had, his parents got him an apartment on like Union Square, 14th Street.
00:38:24.000 Yeah, that's him.
00:38:26.000 There he is.
00:38:27.000 Fucking blessing in disguise.
00:38:29.000 And then we go, we tell him who it is.
00:38:33.000 Man Bun.
00:38:34.000 He works at the vice store.
00:38:35.000 We just, he got fired and he hit her.
00:38:37.000 And he goes, oh, fuck.
00:38:38.000 Yo, ideal weed to that dude.
00:38:43.000 He could rap me out.
00:38:44.000 I could be in serious.
00:38:45.000 I got to get out.
00:38:47.000 So he gets out.
00:38:48.000 All right.
00:38:48.000 Bye, Mark.
00:38:49.000 And then we went to that guy's house and we tell the doorman, he lives in a nice building.
00:38:54.000 Hi, we're here to talk about what happened with Sarah.
00:38:56.000 And he goes, oh, yeah, I'll come down.
00:38:59.000 So he comes down and he says, Yo, sorry, he's not Mark Ryan.
00:39:06.000 He's a normal guy.
00:39:07.000 And he goes, Hey, man, yeah, look, Sarah's a total fucking bitch, and you know how hard she can be to deal with.
00:39:14.000 And I just, you know, I had enough of her shit.
00:39:17.000 Like I was going to go, cool, man, fucking cunts, slap them.
00:39:22.000 Fucking with this all the time, yapping and yapping, fucking get to slapping.
00:39:28.000 So he starts explaining it like it's a thing that we're going to agree with.
00:39:34.000 And Shane wasn't doing anything.
00:39:36.000 So as he's talking, I just went and I head-butted him.
00:39:43.000 And he did an amazing thing, by the way.
00:39:46.000 He defied physics.
00:39:47.000 So I went, I'll do slow motion for you.
00:39:52.000 So he fell back, and then right before he hit his head, he rotated.
00:39:58.000 Rotated.
00:40:00.000 And then took off.
00:40:02.000 And then took off.
00:40:03.000 His head never hit the ground.
00:40:05.000 He went like so.
00:40:09.000 I thought I might have a chance chasing him, but he was way too fast.
00:40:13.000 Young man with a little man bun.
00:40:14.000 And I was like, all right, he's gone.
00:40:17.000 Shane chased him, but Shane had flip-flops on, which is why, part of the reason I'm so against flip-flops to this day.
00:40:22.000 So he's slappy, slappy, slappy, slappy.
00:40:24.000 He's not going anywhere.
00:40:26.000 He was fat, too.
00:40:27.000 And Mark Ryan runs and runs, and he jumps into a police car.
00:40:30.000 No, sorry, not Mark Ryan.
00:40:31.000 The bun head.
00:40:33.000 He jumps into a police car and he says, hope, hope, hope.
00:40:37.000 So we catch up to the police car.
00:40:38.000 We explain the story.
00:40:39.000 They arrest him.
00:40:40.000 And then he gets out and he charges me with assault.
00:40:44.000 Wow.
00:40:45.000 But it was like four days later, he got the date wrong on his complaint.
00:40:49.000 So I ended up, look up Barney Miller.
00:40:53.000 I end up going to a precinct on like 45th.
00:40:57.000 And now when I talk to ex-cons who have done 10 years, just like I'm a war movie vet, I'm an ex-con.
00:41:04.000 Because I had to sit in that fucking rotten, stinking jail cell for four hours while they figured out the typo in the guy's report and ended up letting me go.
00:41:15.000 Four hours.
00:41:16.000 I did my time, man.
00:41:18.000 No, look up video.
00:41:20.000 Because I think the cops knew I was a totally dope bro.
00:41:24.000 And they didn't put me in the cages with the animal Puerto Ricans like Ryan.
00:41:30.000 I was upstairs with these guys.
00:41:34.000 That typewriter is 40 years old.
00:41:36.000 In the cell.
00:41:38.000 You see, this show has a holding cell in it, right?
00:41:43.000 And that's where I was.
00:41:44.000 I was literally hanging with my hands out of the cell, just like Barney Miller, listening to them shoot the shit.
00:41:50.000 And by the way, detectives, their quality of jokes, that was me.
00:41:54.000 Their quality of jokes are fucking very high standards.
00:41:58.000 It's like bands.
00:41:59.000 Bands on tour.
00:42:00.000 They've been touring so much that they riff with each other and they get better and better and better at jokes.
00:42:05.000 Detectives and cops, very high quality jokes.
00:42:08.000 So that was me.
00:42:10.000 They have one brain, basically.
00:42:11.000 Like they share the same brain when it comes to the riffs.
00:42:17.000 Nope.
00:42:17.000 That's not what I'm saying at all.
00:42:19.000 But they do.
00:42:20.000 No, no, no.
00:42:21.000 No, they don't.
00:42:22.000 They're just good at riffing because they practice.
00:42:25.000 Practice makes perfect.
00:42:29.000 I told you the joke, right?
00:42:30.000 I've said this on the show a hundred times.
00:42:32.000 Some big-titted, gorgeous blonde comes in to go, I need your N4 papers, guys.
00:42:36.000 We have a deal.
00:42:38.000 And they go, oh, wait, sorry, sorry, sorry.
00:42:40.000 We're on it.
00:42:40.000 We're on it.
00:42:41.000 And then after she leaves, they go, hey, if this is affirmative action, I'm all for it.
00:42:46.000 Look at that fucking piece of ass.
00:42:47.000 That was amazing.
00:42:48.000 And I'm just like, one of the guys.
00:42:53.000 Is that Mark Ryan?
00:42:54.000 Super Touch.
00:42:55.000 That's the name of the band.
00:42:59.000 This guy's dick would kill you.
00:43:01.000 He could do it.
00:43:02.000 If you put a camera in his urethra, he could have a give you a colonoscopy.
00:43:08.000 That's not him.
00:43:09.000 That's him.
00:43:10.000 There he is.
00:43:13.000 That's the blessing in disguise, y'all.
00:43:20.000 That mess me up when I'm singing, you know, and what to do that, you know, like my bad habits and stuff like that.
00:43:30.000 Great kid.
00:43:31.000 Great guy.
00:43:33.000 All right, let's take a call.
00:43:36.000 It's a blessing in disguise, yo.
00:43:39.000 And then the way we remember things, maybe if you play back the tape, he'd go, this is a blessing in disguise, I have to say, because I'm feeling violent today, and I'm thrilled that you're going to beat someone up.
00:43:50.000 I'd like to partake.
00:43:52.000 I wouldn't mind indulging.
00:43:53.000 Eating a bit of the threshing.
00:43:56.000 It is, if you will, a blessing in disguise, quote unquote, yo.
00:44:04.000 And she was like, that's bugged out, huh?
00:44:06.000 Yes.
00:44:07.000 Yeah, the chick that he was fucking with.
00:44:08.000 That's bugged out, huh?
00:44:09.000 Oh, my gosh.
00:44:10.000 I had a condom in my vagina that's not yours?
00:44:12.000 Well, I have to be a frank.
00:44:13.000 That is bugged out.
00:44:17.000 Mark, you're on the line.
00:44:21.000 Hey, I don't know if you've heard about the price of lumber and how it's going through the roof.
00:44:26.000 Oh, my God.
00:44:27.000 It's insane.
00:44:28.000 I'm working on a real estate thing, and the contractor will not give me a quote because it's different every 10 days.
00:44:37.000 So he goes, I'll tell you within 10 days of the project what it is.
00:44:43.000 Yeah.
00:44:44.000 I was looking online somewhere and I saw somebody say like, they just need to step in and freeze the price.
00:44:50.000 Like, you know, like the oil ZB can just come in and snap their fingers and freeze the price on something like that complex, like lumber production.
00:45:00.000 But there's an essay called iPencil.
00:45:02.000 I don't know if you can.
00:45:03.000 Oh, yeah.
00:45:04.000 We've talked about it many times.
00:45:05.000 It's a fantastic.
00:45:07.000 Yeah.
00:45:07.000 It proves the existence of God.
00:45:11.000 Leonard Reed.
00:45:12.000 Exactly.
00:45:13.000 The atheist's argument for the existence of God.
00:45:15.000 You know, yeah, that's a great episode of yours podcast from a long time ago.
00:45:20.000 But yeah, yeah, exactly.
00:45:22.000 And they just think like, oh, well, somebody could come in, snap their fingers, freeze the price of lumber, and that's going to make everything fine and dandy.
00:45:29.000 And it's literally impossible.
00:45:31.000 And an essay like that proves it.
00:45:34.000 It's a great video, too.
00:45:35.000 There's a great video, iPencil.
00:45:36.000 Do you think one of the reasons that lumber is going through the roof is because of all this fucking plywood needed to hold back rioters?
00:45:45.000 Is that dumb?
00:45:47.000 I don't know.
00:45:48.000 That's brilliant.
00:45:49.000 I never even thought of that before.
00:45:51.000 Yeah, who knows?
00:45:52.000 I thought it was mostly because of the housing boom and, you know, the fact that it's a resource and it actually serves a purpose, unlike Dogecoin or, you know, Bitcoin.
00:46:01.000 All the other bullshit.
00:46:02.000 All right.
00:46:02.000 Thanks for calling, buddy.
00:46:04.000 Yeah, that's...
00:46:05.000 I don't...
00:46:05.000 Is this iPencil?
00:46:07.000 Yeah.
00:46:08.000 Yeah, iPencil the movie, 2012.
00:46:12.000 It's from the account iPencenced.
00:46:13.000 I remember it being way higher quality than that.
00:46:15.000 iPencil Jump in the Millie.
00:46:20.000 Yeah, I think that's it.
00:46:22.000 Yeah, that's it.
00:46:23.000 This is the misremembering thing again.
00:46:25.000 Misremembering.
00:46:26.000 Is there a part where they go drallify fish?
00:46:29.000 They do.
00:46:30.000 Yo, pencils are bugged out, right?
00:46:33.000 Yeah.
00:46:35.000 My job is to make stories entertaining.
00:46:37.000 True.
00:46:38.000 So, oh yeah, this is the right one.
00:46:40.000 So I naturally, you know, embellish and make things more colorful.
00:46:45.000 And then I see what I'm embellishing and go, this sucks.
00:46:50.000 And how do you remember the Louis C.K. bit again?
00:46:53.000 Oh my God, I hate Barbara.
00:46:55.000 Phew.
00:46:56.000 Shut up, Janet.
00:47:00.000 I'm still not even admitting that to myself.
00:47:02.000 I still think there's another one that you don't have.
00:47:04.000 Yeah, no, me too.
00:47:05.000 No, it was like, Barbara, she's a bitch.
00:47:07.000 Phew.
00:47:08.000 You know who holds up when you do the impression?
00:47:10.000 Mitch Hedberg.
00:47:11.000 Man, I went to the doctor to get my neck checked out.
00:47:14.000 All he did was make my neck hurt.
00:47:15.000 Do not go see Dr. Acula.
00:47:18.000 That is verbatim.
00:47:20.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:47:20.000 I think I'm underselling it.
00:47:21.000 How about my eight-year-old son doing Mitch Hedberg?
00:47:25.000 What is Elmo?
00:47:26.000 I do not know what he is.
00:47:28.000 Is he a monkey or is he a dog?
00:47:32.000 Yeah.
00:47:32.000 Or is he a dog?
00:47:34.000 I did not know that ducks eat for free at Subway.
00:47:39.000 Hey, man, here comes Elmo.
00:47:42.000 Come on to hang out with me.
00:47:44.000 He had brutal stage fright.
00:47:46.000 That's why he did so much heroin.
00:47:48.000 Because it's the only way he can get over his nerves.
00:47:50.000 Then his girlfriend really helped him out with that and killed him.
00:47:53.000 And then she's still on Twitter talking shit to other comedians.
00:47:57.000 And I was banned after saying, didn't you kill Mitch Hedberg?
00:48:01.000 That's bugged out.
00:48:02.000 What's Jeremy Hotz's excuse for being the way he is?
00:48:05.000 Who's Jeremy Hotz?
00:48:06.000 You remember this guy?
00:48:09.000 I'm from Canada.
00:48:11.000 Oh, he's like a fake, crazy guy.
00:48:13.000 Canadian people you will ever meet in your life.
00:48:19.000 They look like us.
00:48:20.000 That's the end of it right there.
00:48:22.000 They're not like us at all.
00:48:24.000 They're morons.
00:48:27.000 All across the streets.
00:48:28.000 They're even crazier.
00:48:30.000 I was in Texas.
00:48:32.000 He's from Canada.
00:48:32.000 He's saying the difference between Canadians and fake, crazy guys.
00:48:36.000 Yeah, like Goldthwaite.
00:48:37.000 Fake anyone.
00:48:38.000 Bobcat Goldthwaite, right?
00:48:39.000 Oh, that was grim.
00:48:41.000 What do you think about Kinison, though?
00:48:42.000 Because he kind of had an act.
00:48:44.000 Yeah, that was kind of different.
00:48:46.000 He was just screaming more than he would normally scream.
00:48:49.000 But he wasn't like, I'm a crazy guy.
00:48:52.000 Like, Spasham Escalco doesn't talk like that when he orders fish.
00:48:57.000 But it's still him.
00:48:58.000 Right, right.
00:48:59.000 It's not like a full-blown, I have a different voice.
00:49:02.000 Yeah, that's why, like, the Tucker Carlson and Alex Jones, I get away with in court.
00:49:07.000 They go, no one in their right mind would listen to this person seriously.
00:49:10.000 And people take that court document literally and go, oh, you're full of shit.
00:49:17.000 But what they're really saying is you wouldn't take this show that you're watching now as do, do, do, do, do, do, do, breaking news.
00:49:25.000 So I can say shit like, shouldn't you just kill someone?
00:49:29.000 Like, when you watch my 160-pound, my 650-pound life, like, just kill them, right?
00:49:36.000 In the sense that...
00:49:37.000 So I don't literally mean you should get a straight razor, go up to a 650-pound person and slit their throat.
00:49:44.000 I swear to God, if it's the last thing I do, I'm going to get my hands around.
00:49:47.000 But I am saying something that I believe and that you believe where when you watch that show, you're like, shouldn't you just die?
00:49:54.000 That's true.
00:49:56.000 All right, let's take a call.
00:49:58.000 Got Jake.
00:49:59.000 Jake, you're online?
00:50:03.000 What's up, John?
00:50:04.000 Hold on one second.
00:50:05.000 Oh, can you hear me?
00:50:08.000 Yes.
00:50:11.000 Okay.
00:50:12.000 So, first of all, I just was curious.
00:50:15.000 I just recently found that you had an app, which I was really surprised that you had an app that was allowed on the App Store.
00:50:22.000 But I downloaded it, and I was expecting, I was going to listen to the live stream here, and there was nothing, there was no sort of icon or anything that indicated that there was a live stream.
00:50:35.000 So I didn't see any way that you could stream from that.
00:50:38.000 Also, I just was curious, I really enjoy your compound censored shows, and I've seen that it hasn't been on today.
00:50:48.000 Is it going to come on at some point?
00:50:51.000 You sound like you're fucking with me, and this is some sort of prank where you're going to mention Jews.
00:50:58.000 Those fucking Jews, man.
00:51:00.000 Knew it.
00:51:01.000 You called it.
00:51:01.000 Called it.
00:51:03.000 No, the live show with Anthony is 5 to 6 p.m. every Wednesday.
00:51:09.000 And then this show is live 9 to 10 p.m. every Wednesday.
00:51:15.000 And then the rest of the shows are on at 8.
00:51:18.000 So you should have got a notification.
00:51:19.000 A very difficult notification.
00:51:21.000 Yeah, the notifications for the app.
00:51:23.000 But if you're on the desktop, you'll see a banner that says you're live.
00:51:25.000 But that's the sketch.
00:51:26.000 And yeah, Anthony and Gavin will be uploaded after the show.
00:51:31.000 But thanks for calling and welcome to Censored.tv.
00:51:35.000 You said something.
00:51:36.000 Did you get a weird vibe from that guy who was trying to fuck with me?
00:51:38.000 No.
00:51:40.000 You know what?
00:51:43.000 From the hang on a second thing.
00:51:45.000 Maybe, maybe.
00:51:46.000 It's like, that scene, what are you trying to ask?
00:51:47.000 Oh my gosh, it didn't happen.
00:51:49.000 Right.
00:51:49.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:51:51.000 Let's see.
00:51:52.000 Black couple literally acts like they own the place.
00:51:58.000 850, you're on the line.
00:52:01.000 Go ahead, 850.
00:52:02.000 What's going on, Gavin?
00:52:02.000 Hey, man.
00:52:05.000 Hey, so I sent you guys the link.
00:52:07.000 Remember that guy?
00:52:08.000 I don't know who it was.
00:52:09.000 It was the black guy that was like, the one thing about white people is they walk in, they always act like they own the place.
00:52:14.000 Taneshi Coates.
00:52:16.000 No, that's the exact opposite.
00:52:18.000 But I sent you the link.
00:52:19.000 There's this black couple that went down in Florida and they literally were acting like they were going to buy this $7 million mansion.
00:52:27.000 And you got to look up the Daily Mail fucking article on it because they showed up planning their wedding and trying to have their wedding in, I guess it was the IHOP heirs mansion, but he's just not there a lot of the time and it was on the market.
00:52:46.000 Talk about black privilege.
00:52:49.000 So people just started showing up.
00:52:52.000 I was like, if this was like some scraggly looking white couple, they would have just like been taken down by a SWAT team immediately.
00:53:00.000 But they were like, I guess the guy was home on the day they were going to, they showed up to have the wedding.
00:53:06.000 And they were like, oh, this is God's plan.
00:53:08.000 You just need to let it happen.
00:53:09.000 This is God's plan.
00:53:10.000 And he's like, they have the 911 call and the IHOP air is like, I don't know what's happening.
00:53:15.000 I just want it to stop.
00:53:18.000 God, she's ugly.
00:53:19.000 What the?
00:53:20.000 She looks like a, I think she's a 1.9.
00:53:23.000 Are they black Hebrew Israelites?
00:53:26.000 Yeah, maybe that is.
00:53:28.000 All right.
00:53:28.000 Thanks for calling, buddy.
00:53:29.000 Let's hear the 911 call.
00:53:32.000 Alrighty.
00:53:33.000 No, no, I think it's there.
00:53:34.000 Yeah, no, I just had to hang on.
00:53:36.000 Here we go.
00:53:44.000 Emergency?
00:53:45.000 Southwest branches.
00:53:47.000 I have people trespassing on my property, and they keep harassing me, calling me, and they say they're having a wedding here, and it's God's message.
00:53:58.000 And I don't know what's going on.
00:54:00.000 All I want is to stop.
00:54:06.000 By the way, I got these shoes today from Clark's on Madison Avenue.
00:54:11.000 Oh, yeah.
00:54:12.000 You know, I might be a little young.
00:54:13.000 I mean, old for white souls like these.
00:54:16.000 You're an old soul.
00:54:16.000 It's going under that particular branch.
00:54:18.000 And these were 70% off.
00:54:21.000 Wow.
00:54:21.000 They cost me $55.
00:54:24.000 They're $150 shoes.
00:54:26.000 So I was very happy with that.
00:54:27.000 I may have got the numbers slightly off, but you get the idea.
00:54:29.000 And the socks were all $6.
00:54:33.000 But everyone was white there, obviously.
00:54:35.000 It's the Clark store.
00:54:37.000 And speaking of walking in, like, you own the place, it was just so many apologies.
00:54:43.000 Like, hey, I'm sorry.
00:54:45.000 Can I get these in 10 and a half?
00:54:48.000 And then she gets them.
00:54:49.000 And I go, actually, these are fitting kind of large.
00:54:52.000 Can I try a 10?
00:54:54.000 Can I?
00:54:54.000 I'm sorry.
00:54:55.000 Because she'd already got me a pair.
00:54:56.000 And then she goes, no, don't apologize.
00:54:58.000 She just finished saying to this old lady who was asking for something who had said, I'm sorry.
00:55:02.000 Can I?
00:55:02.000 And she had just said, don't apologize to her.
00:55:05.000 So within 30 seconds, this woman who works there said, don't apologize twice.
00:55:10.000 Don't apologize.
00:55:11.000 I'm sorry.
00:55:12.000 I hate.
00:55:13.000 Fuck you, Janet.
00:55:14.000 I'm the worst.
00:55:15.000 I should just, is there a hole here I could just dive into?
00:55:18.000 Because I'm Satan.
00:55:20.000 I'm Satan's balls.
00:55:21.000 I'm actually sorry I didn't read your mind and know that it didn't fit properly.
00:55:24.000 I wish my parents never met.
00:55:26.000 I don't know why I'm asking you for shoes at a shoe store.
00:55:29.000 I feel terrible.
00:55:30.000 You guys are trying to close up.
00:55:32.000 What kind of shit's Dane?
00:55:34.000 Ooh, those are an interesting kind of a corduroy vibe.
00:55:38.000 Those are fun.
00:55:39.000 A big Desert Boots fan.
00:55:41.000 The problem is the aging.
00:55:43.000 And it doesn't matter that they get beaten up when you're wearing jeans, but if you're wearing a suit with Desert Boots, they really have to be a week old.
00:55:50.000 I have that exact pair, and I've broken them in too much, and I can't wear them with the suit anymore.
00:55:55.000 They look great with jeans, though.
00:55:57.000 They look so funny.
00:55:58.000 Damn.
00:55:59.000 Yeah, when you turned me onto those, I was like, I didn't understand the elegant simplicity of them all.
00:56:04.000 Piping hot.
00:56:05.000 You know how they were discovered?
00:56:06.000 Oh, yeah.
00:56:06.000 I like the sound.
00:56:06.000 The British guy was in Egypt, and he noticed that they, to get sand out of their feet, they wore these things that didn't really have an opening till the very bottom.
00:56:15.000 In the very top.
00:56:15.000 The crepe sold, did he get that from them too?
00:56:18.000 That's his spin on it.
00:56:19.000 Yeah, I love that story.
00:56:20.000 I know.
00:56:21.000 That's bugged out, right?
00:56:22.000 That's bugged out, isn't it?
00:56:25.000 Bill.
00:56:28.000 You don't go.
00:56:30.000 I am beyond angry.
00:56:32.000 I am beyond angry.
00:56:36.000 I am beyond angry.
00:56:38.000 Yes.
00:56:39.000 Prize pack.
00:56:41.000 Yeah, yeah, I got that.
00:56:42.000 You gotta hook it up now.
00:56:43.000 I got the two folks' numbers already, sir.
00:56:45.000 I'm sorry.
00:56:46.000 Oh, all right.
00:56:47.000 Okay, okay.
00:56:48.000 Look, I think we're gonna reach blazing saddles levels of policing due to this verdict.
00:56:57.000 Meaning, no one's gonna want to be cop and people are just not gonna want to do the job.
00:57:03.000 Nope.
00:57:04.000 And who's gonna suffer?
00:57:05.000 I'm not gonna suffer.
00:57:06.000 I'm in an all-white suburb where the biggest crime is someone stole chapstick three months ago.
00:57:12.000 It's going to be the hood.
00:57:13.000 It's going to be black neighborhoods.
00:57:16.000 They're going to see unprecedented deaths.
00:57:18.000 Okay.
00:57:20.000 I found out about the sorry, I have cut you off.
00:57:22.000 I found out about the verdict through, believe it or not, local conservative radio.
00:57:27.000 And within 10 seconds of them giving their take on the whole thing, they were talking January 6th.
00:57:34.000 Oh, if those were blacks, they would have all been mowed down with fucking AK-47s.
00:57:39.000 And I'm thinking, what the fuck?
00:57:42.000 Okay, so here's my argument to all of the retards, including conservatives who say this shit.
00:57:47.000 Where was the white outrage?
00:57:49.000 Where were the riots?
00:57:50.000 Where was the who stormed the Minnesota and Minneapolis court, you know, with all of the rioting and shit?
00:58:00.000 Where were all the white supremacists?
00:58:02.000 Where are they?
00:58:03.000 Yeah.
00:58:03.000 Who's outraged over this verdict?
00:58:05.000 They had a rally in California, nothing to do with Derek Chauvin, called White Lives Matter.
00:58:12.000 About 30 people showed up.
00:58:14.000 That's the movement we keep hearing about all day, every day.
00:58:19.000 That's all cops.
00:58:20.000 Everyone's a Nazi.
00:58:21.000 It's fucking boring and it's not a thing.
00:58:26.000 Please stop.
00:58:28.000 And when Republicans and conservatives Capitulate like that and they want to kiss the ass of the far left.
00:58:34.000 Did it work out for Nike where they spent $10 million on BLM and still got looted?
00:58:39.000 Did it work out for a Footlocker, for Walmart, for Starbucks?
00:58:44.000 It doesn't.
00:58:45.000 Capitulation is giving a vampire a shot of blood and saying, Will you leave my family alone now?
00:58:52.000 No, you showed them where to get the blood from.
00:58:56.000 Fuckers.
00:58:57.000 It's almost like a backhanded way and a dishonest way of pulling a Greg Gutfeld and saying, well, you know, I really wanted him to burn in hell and he needs to rot in jail forever because, I mean, come on, get fucking, be honest with your people who are listening because no one believes that shit.
00:59:15.000 Well, I want to tell a quick.
00:59:18.000 Plenty of people believe that shit, my friend.
00:59:20.000 Plenty of people, especially conservatives, think Derek Chauvin is innocent, and they're right, he is innocent.
00:59:26.000 Know he's innocent, I should say, and are happy he's behind bars because they think it has calmed the coyotes.
00:59:36.000 That's, I brought that up the other day as a crazy theory, a crazy concept, but it's pretty common.
00:59:43.000 Gutfeld said that, and he's in shit for it.
00:59:46.000 He's not a whole nother, oh, a minority or a kid or a child was shot.
00:59:51.000 And it's like, they're just empowering these morons to believe that they don't have to follow.
00:59:57.000 No one's even talked about the video where the chick got, the stabbing stabber got shot when cops showed up.
01:00:03.000 That dude was kicking that white chick in the head.
01:00:05.000 Like, nobody's even talked about that little minor detail.
01:00:08.000 People are just doing rampant crime.
01:00:10.000 It all started when they were just throwing water on cops in New York City and shitting on cops.
01:00:15.000 And it all just been steamrolling and boiling over since then.
01:00:18.000 Precisely.
01:00:19.000 Precisely.
01:00:20.000 This is all about the death of law and order.
01:00:22.000 And I have a radical theory where I don't think blacks like when you kiss their ass and say Black Lives Matter and all that stuff.
01:00:29.000 I think that black culture is similar to Palestinian culture, wherein they kind of appreciate when you get tough.
01:00:37.000 I believe that Palestinians like the wall in Israel and they see it as a show of force and they respect it.
01:00:43.000 And I think when you're strict, like when Juliani came into New York and he said, if you jump the turnstile, you're going to jail, all this shit, I think blacks in New York appreciated it because it was a show of strength.
01:00:54.000 It's sort of like the jihadists when they kidnap white people and the white people convert to Islam.
01:01:01.000 The jihadists don't like that.
01:01:03.000 They just go, oh, you're a pussy.
01:01:04.000 I'm going to kill you first.
01:01:08.000 All right.
01:01:08.000 Thanks for calling, buddy.
01:01:10.000 They're yearning.
01:01:12.000 That was mean.
01:01:13.000 That's always so mean.
01:01:14.000 That's life, though.
01:01:16.000 Fade away.
01:01:17.000 That's the end of our live show.
01:01:18.000 We missed our friend's last point because we're jerks.
01:01:21.000 Or as my youngest boy would say, jokes.
01:01:23.000 Actually, he doesn't say jokes anymore.
01:01:25.000 He pitched for the first time in his life today.
01:01:27.000 Wow.
01:01:28.000 And he got three strikeouts.
01:01:30.000 That's great.
01:01:31.000 Yep.
01:01:32.000 And it's far for eight-year-olds to pitch.
01:01:36.000 It's 40 feet.
01:01:38.000 I'd like to see you throw a bunch of strikes at 40 feet.
01:01:41.000 I probably cannot.
01:01:42.000 I couldn't even bowl a strike.
01:01:46.000 He was nervous, and then my other boy was saying, just throw it, throw it, throw it.
01:01:50.000 And then he would get freaked out and throw it.
01:01:52.000 But that sketched out the batter.
01:01:53.000 Because he would see a guy going, and then all of a sudden, whoosh.
01:01:57.000 Nice.
01:01:59.000 So that's an optimistic look at everything.
01:02:03.000 Here we are, folks, still fighting the ridiculous clown fight in clown world.
01:02:09.000 And the right, sorry, the left is in the driving seat right now.
01:02:13.000 And they are swerving all over the road, knocking over pylons.
01:02:17.000 And we have no choice but to laugh.
01:02:20.000 This is their world.
01:02:21.000 Don't get hung up on it.
01:02:24.000 Don't get depressed.
01:02:26.000 Enjoy it.
01:02:27.000 There's ebbs and flows to society.
01:02:30.000 This is reparable.
01:02:32.000 We will bounce back from this.
01:02:34.000 But right now, the kids have the keys to the station wagon and they are in the wrong lane.
01:02:41.000 So if we don't die, we can have a good laugh at how fucked up this is because it is beyond fucked up.
01:02:50.000 Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.