Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes


GOML S4E232 - BUTT BOYS IN THE AISLE


Summary

On this week's episode of Off My Lawn, the boys talk about the death of country music, how to get to the gym after St. Patrick's Day, and how to deal with being an underachiever after a week off. Plus, a new segment called "On My Lawn with Gavin McGinnis" where the boys try to figure out who should and shouldn't be in the cringe-worthy viral video of the week. Featuring special guest and good friend of the show, Gavin McInnis! Also, a special thank you to our sponsor Purpleworks for sponsoring the podcast. Purpleworks pre-workout is the preworkout I use to keep me on track with my training and keep me in peak physical condition. It helps me stay on top of my nutrition and keep my body in tip-top shape. I hope you enjoy this episode and that you enjoy listening to it with your friends, family, and loved ones! Enjoy, Gavin and Pete! P.S. If you like what you hear, please HIT SUBSCRIBE and leave us a rating and review on Apple Podcasts! If you don't, we'll be giving out a FREE gift to one lucky listener who leaves us a review on iTunes! Thank you! We'll be looking out for you in the next episode, and we'll get back to you next week with a new episode next Wednesday! Love, Pete and the gang! xoxo, Pete & the gang. - P.M. xx - Pete & Pete - The Boys - Off MySpace - Gavin & Pete - The Crew - Matt & Pete & The Crew - Matt - Kevin & the crew - Mike & the Crew - and the crew Thanks for listening to the podcast! - and supporting the podcast, and supporting us with your support and support us in this podcast? and so much love and support, and your support is so much support, love, and support is SO MUCH more than you could ever ask for it. - Thank you so much! - - Pete and The Crew, P.J. and the rest of the crew will be back! - and so on and so forth... & so much more! - And so on! - PODCAST: (and so on. & So On, and so On! - Thank You, and So On!


Transcript

00:00:13.000 Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McGinnis!
00:00:44.000 Two stones!
00:00:45.000 Covered in shit!
00:00:47.000 Throw that beer can away!
00:00:50.000 Fuck it!
00:00:50.000 What you gonna do?
00:01:15.000 Joe Fulla Outlaw!
00:01:17.000 She's got tobacco in her jaw!
00:01:18.000 Kick ass by your father, hopefully.
00:01:44.000 That is, when she said fried chicken, I got a wave, I could draw it with a marker, a wave of goose pimples right here.
00:01:54.000 What?
00:01:56.000 That's from some lesbian named Katie, what's her name?
00:02:00.000 She's from Asheville, North Carolina.
00:02:02.000 Katie Noel.
00:02:02.000 What?
00:02:03.000 Katie Noel.
00:02:04.000 Katie Noel.
00:02:06.000 She is, um...
00:02:09.000 Retarded he's no good lesbian a rapper and a country music star this thing went viral I don't know how many people actually like it and how many people I think it's fucking hilarious.
00:02:21.000 I was When I look at this video, I'm thinking what if I was one of those guys Like you get a call and it's Katie's doing a video.
00:02:28.000 All right.
00:02:29.000 Well, I wish you nothing but the best She wants everyone to be in it though I'm talking to my sister Jen.
00:02:34.000 I don't have a sister Jen.
00:02:35.000 I I
00:02:37.000 You have your video, do your stuff.
00:02:39.000 Why are you calling me?
00:02:40.000 I'm 53 years old.
00:02:42.000 It would just mean a lot if you would come down and be part of it.
00:02:44.000 I don't want to be part of it.
00:02:45.000 It's cringe.
00:02:46.000 Fuck you.
00:02:47.000 Just show some support.
00:02:49.000 She's working really hard.
00:02:51.000 Fuck.
00:02:52.000 Would you be in this video?
00:02:55.000 I probably would.
00:02:59.000 It's a weird thing.
00:03:01.000 It's not unethical what you're compromising your values.
00:03:06.000 It's your sister's best friend.
00:03:08.000 So it's not like you're fucking achieving any kind of moral high ground by not being in her cringe video.
00:03:15.000 But at the same time, I don't like your music.
00:03:19.000 It sucks.
00:03:21.000 It's the death of country.
00:03:23.000 Yeah, country's slowly but surely been fucking getting rappy.
00:03:28.000 Sucks.
00:03:29.000 Sad.
00:03:30.000 I like some shitty country, like on our mix, Jason Aldean.
00:03:34.000 I think he's pretty corny.
00:03:35.000 He's great.
00:03:35.000 But I like it.
00:03:37.000 But that's gone beyond corny.
00:03:39.000 I know you don't like Jason Aldean that much, you think he's corny, but it wasn't necessary to do what you did in Vegas that time.
00:03:46.000 That was fucking overboard, dude.
00:03:48.000 I lose my temper sometimes.
00:03:49.000 I understand.
00:03:49.000 I can't believe I got depended on that fucking random dude.
00:03:55.000 Fridays are free.
00:03:56.000 Fridays are sponsored by our various sponsors.
00:04:01.000 Purpleworks pre-workout is the pre-workout I use.
00:04:06.000 I have not been to the gym in a week.
00:04:09.000 Started with St.
00:04:09.000 Patrick's Day and Monday I'm going back.
00:04:12.000 Now when you've taken a week off, can you put up the fucking background please?
00:04:18.000 When you've taken a week off, you don't feel inclined to go to the gym.
00:04:23.000 Pre-workout helps with that.
00:04:26.000 Oh, can you give me the printout?
00:04:27.000 Or do I have that here?
00:04:28.000 It helps you get off your ass.
00:04:29.000 It's cheating.
00:04:31.000 Purpleworks is cheating.
00:04:32.000 Gives you a boost.
00:04:34.000 And I think you should cheat.
00:04:35.000 I'm all for cheating.
00:04:37.000 By the way, this isn't really Purpleworks related, but another trick that I do to help myself get to the gym is I'm going to be an underachiever today.
00:04:45.000 I'm not going to do a full workout.
00:04:47.000 I'm going to, as we say in Canada, fuck the dog and not do a good job.
00:04:53.000 Sell yourself short, folks.
00:04:55.000 Rip yourself off.
00:04:56.000 That at least gets you to the gym.
00:04:58.000 And then sometimes, even though you duped yourself, you end up actually sparring someone or doing some hard work.
00:05:04.000 I did the opposite.
00:05:05.000 Jim last night said I'm ripped.
00:05:06.000 Nice.
00:05:07.000 Not ripped, hard.
00:05:08.000 That's good.
00:05:08.000 Dense muscle, yes.
00:05:09.000 Yeah.
00:05:10.000 Because if you're not training for hypertrophy, your muscle is still growing.
00:05:12.000 It's just getting denser and denser, which is good.
00:05:15.000 Yeah, this is the strongest I've been, I think, in my life.
00:05:18.000 I see pictures of me when I first moved to New York, and the Grover arms are just spaghetti sticks.
00:05:23.000 Yeah, you got a good frame on you too, like good shoulders.
00:05:27.000 You were saying I have a gorgeous cock, what was that?
00:05:30.000 I didn't say that.
00:05:31.000 That's what I heard.
00:05:32.000 On camera.
00:05:34.000 I did the opposite.
00:05:35.000 Sorry.
00:05:35.000 That's what your valentine to me said.
00:05:38.000 Valentine's are private.
00:05:41.000 I just violated the valentine valentine confidentiality act.
00:05:45.000 I worked out today with my bulletproof vest.
00:05:48.000 I asked if I could bring it in, and he said sure.
00:05:50.000 I thought it was 20 pounds.
00:05:51.000 It's like 40 pounds.
00:05:52.000 So I was doing squats and push-ups with it.
00:05:54.000 Why?
00:05:55.000 Just to make it harder.
00:05:56.000 Because I was like finding myself, I don't need water in between rounds, like until like the fifth round.
00:06:02.000 And I was like, so I'm not challenging myself.
00:06:03.000 Good fighters don't need water, bad fighters don't deserve it.
00:06:07.000 But um...
00:06:08.000 That's a weird thing to do.
00:06:10.000 I'd be uncomfortable if the guy next to me had a bulletproof vest on.
00:06:13.000 Good.
00:06:13.000 Be uncomfortable.
00:06:14.000 I'll be better than you.
00:06:15.000 And then they'll be like, ooh.
00:06:18.000 A lot of you already tried Purpleworks and loved it.
00:06:20.000 They've been getting more sales than ever and they'd like to thank all the baby monsters for hooking them up.
00:06:24.000 They even thank baby monsters that say purple is a gay color.
00:06:28.000 Purple is the color of sexual frustration is my experience.
00:06:30.000 Purple is the color of sexual frustration.
00:06:34.000 But they argue that purple is actually a very regal color that signifies knowledge, wisdom, and royalty.
00:06:39.000 So don't get it twist.
00:06:41.000 Many other pre-workouts bombard your system with an absurd amount of vitamins and other ingredients, 10,000% of your daily value of vitamin C, or crazy things like that.
00:06:48.000 Not PurpleWorks.
00:06:50.000 PurpleWorks pre-workout is expertly crafted by a healthcare professional to have an ideal amount of high-quality ingredients that your body can actually process and use right away.
00:06:59.000 Creatine, carnosine beta-alanine, green tea extract, and vitamins all at perfect levels to support immune health, muscle health, and tissue repair.
00:07:07.000 This product works so well, sometimes I think it may actually be the voodoo!
00:07:13.000 It's formulated to not leave any nasty smells or stains in your shaker cup.
00:07:16.000 There are no artificial dyes or ingredients.
00:07:18.000 It's great for men and women, so you don't have to cycle on and off it like many other pre-workouts.
00:07:21.000 In the next week or so, Purple Works will be shipping to Canada.
00:07:25.000 So keep an eye out if you're north of the border.
00:07:28.000 Don't forget to pick up one of their shakers as well.
00:07:29.000 You put a scoop in there.
00:07:31.000 Look, I'm not telling you how to live.
00:07:33.000 I find a full scoop a little too intense.
00:07:35.000 I'm a pussy.
00:07:37.000 I'm not a big coffee drinker.
00:07:39.000 I'll have one coffee at like 8 a.m.
00:07:41.000 and then I don't touch the shit forever after that.
00:07:45.000 So I personally do like a teaspoon.
00:07:48.000 But, Shaka Sangu... Everybody knows you never go full retard.
00:07:53.000 Shake it up with some water, you'll be ready for a great workout.
00:07:55.000 Go to purpleworksnutrition.com, enter promo code Gavin for 15% off.
00:08:01.000 Isn't it supposed to be promo code RyanSucks?
00:08:03.000 Oh no, that's JumpMedic.
00:08:09.000 Also in today's news, joining the Proud Boys can be a little intense.
00:08:14.000 People end up in prison.
00:08:16.000 We just had two guys get out for four years.
00:08:18.000 So you may not want to commit that much to your patriotism and saving the world.
00:08:21.000 Dude, this Megyn Kelly face is bugging the shit out of me.
00:08:26.000 What should we do here?
00:08:27.000 We gotta have him redesign this without that Megyn face looming by my right elbow.
00:08:36.000 I don't like it.
00:08:37.000 It's very distracting.
00:08:38.000 In fact, that's why I put the purple works there to kind of hide it.
00:08:43.000 If you don't want to join the Proud Boys, I understand.
00:08:45.000 But I do think you would be remiss if you were not to join the Butt Boys.
00:08:50.000 Butt Boys, stand back and stand by.
00:08:54.000 Butt Boys are not just an idea.
00:08:56.000 They're an organization.
00:08:58.000 And their job is to stop people who cut in line.
00:09:01.000 Who butt in line.
00:09:04.000 I haven't thought too hard about the name, but I think Butt Boys is pretty reasonable.
00:09:07.000 There's no way that could be twisted into anything else but people thinking of you butting in line.
00:09:12.000 And yes, when you say butt in line, you tend to D your T's, so it sounds like the Butt Boys butting in line, but it is butt.
00:09:20.000 Anyway.
00:09:21.000 The place you want to focus on this the most is on planes.
00:09:25.000 When people are exiting planes.
00:09:27.000 If you're in row 14, I don't want to see any 15s in front of you, any 16s, any 17s.
00:09:34.000 And what you do when you get off the plane is you make a wall.
00:09:39.000 Try to get an aisle seat.
00:09:40.000 Butt boys always choose aisle seats.
00:09:41.000 That might be our t-shirts.
00:09:44.000 Butt boys choose aisle.
00:09:47.000 Seats.
00:09:48.000 I'll have to work on that slogan a little bit.
00:09:50.000 Butt Boys in the Aisle.
00:09:52.000 Yeah, that's pretty good.
00:09:53.000 Butt Boys in the Aisle.
00:09:55.000 I like it.
00:09:55.000 Yeah.
00:09:56.000 In fact, that's the name of the show.
00:09:57.000 Butt Boys in the Aisle.
00:09:58.000 Butt Boys right up the aisle.
00:10:03.000 Because it sucks when you're on a window seat and you see shit happening, you're like, ah, you can't.
00:10:08.000 Then you've got to say to the aisle person, hey, you've got to get in there, dude.
00:10:12.000 Don't let it happen.
00:10:13.000 But when you're an aisle guy, you get out and you just build a fucking human wall.
00:10:18.000 And you can see the shithead butters behind you like, what's going on up there?
00:10:21.000 None of your business what's going on up here.
00:10:24.000 If it's a handicapped person or an old lady, they'll wait for the plane to exit.
00:10:27.000 Otherwise, they have a right.
00:10:29.000 So you stand there and you say, go ahead, go ahead.
00:10:32.000 And some of them are too scared.
00:10:33.000 They're by the window seat and they're like, I don't want to get trampled.
00:10:36.000 You're not getting trampled.
00:10:37.000 Come on, get your stuff, get your stuff, get up.
00:10:40.000 Sometimes there'll even be a space forming, which a lot of people think is a sin.
00:10:44.000 Well, it's kind of a sin in that you didn't move fast enough, but fuck it.
00:10:48.000 Go ahead, space.
00:10:50.000 Go ahead.
00:10:53.000 And then once everyone is safely away from these two rows, right, left row.
00:11:00.000 All right, now we can move.
00:11:03.000 And this is a butt boy, newly recruited.
00:11:06.000 We're thinking of making him a lieutenant in the club.
00:11:09.000 He's doing an excellent job here.
00:11:12.000 Nothing gets my rocks off more than calling out all the scumbags that cut in the aisle of the airport on the airplane.
00:11:19.000 Today I did it.
00:11:19.000 I've been doing it for like the last six or seven rides.
00:11:21.000 Welcome aboard.
00:11:22.000 I go, we cutting now?
00:11:22.000 Today I did it to some kid.
00:11:24.000 He basically had a brick shit in his pants.
00:11:26.000 So I challenge everybody, because you know they do it on every fucking plane.
00:11:30.000 I challenge if you're watching, call them out.
00:11:33.000 They shit their pants on the spot.
00:11:36.000 I'm here to make America and the whole world realize that this fucking problem needs to stop.
00:11:42.000 Nothing gets my- Great guy.
00:11:45.000 He might be the leader of the entire Bud Boys.
00:11:48.000 I've never done- Well, remember we did have that fight.
00:11:52.000 Remember that?
00:11:53.000 Yeah.
00:11:53.000 I was like, get back.
00:11:54.000 And the guy goes, don't fucking touch me.
00:11:56.000 Why- He's a wigger.
00:11:57.000 He's like, you- Why you gonna lay your hands on me?
00:12:01.000 Yeah, he's- Shirt said Brooklyn.
00:12:03.000 I think he had flip-flops on.
00:12:04.000 He did have flip-flops, yeah.
00:12:06.000 And I go, get back.
00:12:07.000 Cause he- I hadn't made the wall.
00:12:10.000 So he was in front of me and I go, what are you doing?
00:12:13.000 And he goes, relax or something like that.
00:12:15.000 And then he's a big guy, big wig.
00:12:17.000 Big wig.
00:12:18.000 He's a big wig in the wigger community.
00:12:21.000 And eventually I just said, I pushed him back.
00:12:23.000 And the next thing you know, we're in the parking lot with his fuckin' Armenian friends ready to roll.
00:12:28.000 You gotta be willing to die for this.
00:12:30.000 I'm a butt boy.
00:12:31.000 I refuse to apologize for maintaining the fuckin' modern world.
00:12:35.000 Yeah.
00:12:36.000 BUTT BOYS!
00:12:38.000 We cuttin' now is a good line.
00:12:39.000 Another good line is...
00:12:42.000 It's called a society.
00:12:44.000 I've said this before.
00:12:45.000 I don't know why it's so effective.
00:12:48.000 Often the people doing the budding are African-American women in their 20s.
00:12:54.000 That's just a pattern I've personally noticed.
00:12:56.000 But maybe they're not familiar with the concept of someone mad about a society.
00:13:02.000 You know, we're living in a society!
00:13:06.000 I've noticed when I say it, they sort of go, oh shit.
00:13:09.000 I forgot.
00:13:10.000 I don't think they're going, he's right, we are living in a society and we should adhere to some sort of general rules.
00:13:15.000 I don't think it's that.
00:13:17.000 I think it's like, this guy knows fancy words and weird concepts.
00:13:21.000 He might know voodoo.
00:13:23.000 He might be magic.
00:13:24.000 I felt gay.
00:13:24.000 I felt ugly.
00:13:26.000 Did you see the Proud Boys were in a show, Party Down?
00:13:30.000 No.
00:13:31.000 And there's Nick Offerman plays me.
00:13:37.000 I'm wearing, I was wearing this because of the country song, but in this Party Down thing, there's the Rowdy Boys, they're called.
00:13:43.000 I think it's in the, if you look in the mail, you'll see, just look up Offerman in the mailbag.
00:13:48.000 So there's the Rowdy Boys, and they have emus as their logo, and they wear black and yellow.
00:13:55.000 And this is the me guy, and she's scared because I'm a Nazi, right?
00:13:59.000 So the chef grabs a knife to stab me when I, because I go into the back there.
00:14:03.000 And I guess the writers see me as a sophisticated hipster.
00:14:09.000 So Nick wears, he's the leader of the Rowdy Boys, he wears hunting gear.
00:14:15.000 Like I, I think what LA is saying here is that guys like me and Nick Fuentes and Richard Spencer are super fancy smooth talkers because we're so sophisticated.
00:14:27.000 Let me just tell you, if you think I'm sophisticated, you're retarded.
00:14:32.000 You have never read so much as a magazine in your life if you think I'm some sort of fancy pants academic.
00:14:40.000 I probably have 102 IQ.
00:14:47.000 I am.
00:14:48.000 I just wanted to offer my sincere compliments.
00:14:51.000 The food is sublime.
00:14:54.000 Biting into your raclette, peace along the air.
00:14:56.000 I would like to bite into her raclette.
00:14:58.000 Yeah, it's weird that that's your type, too.
00:15:00.000 Yeah.
00:15:01.000 Opposite Offerman.
00:15:02.000 Tumbling pell-mell down the slope of the Jungfrau, bracingly whipped as I went by fresh spring stems of marigold, alpine garlic, wild marjoram?
00:15:16.000 Of course.
00:15:22.000 That's about the amount of compliments you'd pay to somebody in your entire lifetime, I think.
00:15:26.000 Yeah, that's what you see at a wedding.
00:15:29.000 To your wife.
00:15:32.000 Do you have the Rowdy Boys?
00:15:33.000 Do they appear anywhere?
00:15:34.000 I was talking to Proud Boys at the Max and John thing and they said that the show was actually pretty fair.
00:15:40.000 And the Rowdy Boys did okay.
00:15:43.000 Unlike that episode of, was it Descent?
00:15:47.000 What's that show called?
00:15:48.000 Secession?
00:15:52.000 It was a secession, but there was also one law and order or something.
00:15:52.000 Was it a secession?
00:15:55.000 I forget what it was, but an Ann Coulter slash Lauren Southern woman gets raped.
00:16:00.000 The good wife or the good fight?
00:16:02.000 Something like that.
00:16:03.000 She gets raped.
00:16:04.000 They rape Ann Coulter slash Lauren Southern.
00:16:06.000 Let's say they both get raped.
00:16:08.000 And a Proud Boy is accused.
00:16:12.000 And the DA knows that the Proud Boy doesn't do it, but he proceeds anyway because these people are evil Nazis.
00:16:20.000 And at least we're getting one off the streets.
00:16:22.000 What?
00:16:23.000 And that was heroic.
00:16:24.000 That was like taking care of business.
00:16:27.000 Finally, we framed a fucking Nazi for rape.
00:16:30.000 I think she dies, by the way.
00:16:32.000 I think he rapes her to death.
00:16:34.000 So he's still in life.
00:16:38.000 TV is written by people in L.A.
00:16:40.000 Everyone in L.A.
00:16:41.000 is retarded.
00:16:42.000 They sit in their rooms.
00:16:44.000 They don't even wear shoes.
00:16:46.000 They don't put on socks or anything.
00:16:48.000 They sit with their belly hanging over their pants and they type away on their power books, writing terrible, shitty shows based on their understanding of the outside world, which they've never seen.
00:17:01.000 They go from their house to their car, to the studio, to the car, to their house.
00:17:05.000 They don't go out.
00:17:06.000 They don't party.
00:17:07.000 They don't talk to people.
00:17:09.000 So they know MSNBC and CNN.
00:17:10.000 That's on in the background.
00:17:12.000 And they watch a bunch of Netflix.
00:17:14.000 That's why they're so woke.
00:17:15.000 They're dumb.
00:17:19.000 I was gonna quit the play.
00:17:22.000 Right.
00:17:23.000 Oh, I gave them to the crew.
00:17:24.000 They loved them.
00:17:26.000 Oh, shit.
00:17:27.000 Rowdy boys.
00:17:31.000 I don't see the similarity.
00:17:34.000 It is possible.
00:17:36.000 Look, they made black guys.
00:17:37.000 That's pretty good.
00:17:38.000 And they're pussies, that's cool.
00:17:52.000 Now that's a lofty theory.
00:17:55.000 Yeah, but that's a common thing that when Antifa behaves badly, they go, yeah, that was Bravo, it's pretending to be.
00:18:00.000 That's who Molotov cocktailed the cops.
00:18:02.000 Okay, whatever helps you sleep at night.
00:18:17.000 Fuck you, you fascist bastard!
00:18:20.000 No, no!
00:18:20.000 Stop!
00:18:21.000 Who is this for?
00:18:22.000 This has cursing, but it's like it's meant for teenagers?
00:18:25.000 Who the fuck is this for?
00:18:28.000 This is surprisingly popular with blue-collar whites.
00:18:31.000 What?
00:18:32.000 Yeah.
00:18:34.000 Same with that show, The Superhero Show.
00:18:37.000 What's that called?
00:18:37.000 Yeah.
00:18:38.000 The Boys?
00:18:38.000 The Boys.
00:18:39.000 Same team!
00:18:40.000 Same team!
00:18:45.000 That's me at the NYU speech.
00:18:47.000 Parfumage looks fake on TV and movies, doesn't it?
00:18:54.000 Is that a racist Asian mask?
00:18:56.000 That's really...
00:19:07.000 It's 2023.
00:19:09.000 Just get an Asian actor.
00:19:10.000 You don't need to do that.
00:19:13.000 Stop it on this one blonde guy!
00:19:16.000 Those are our people.
00:19:18.000 What?
00:19:19.000 Fake protests get on social media, part of the visibility plan.
00:19:23.000 That's never the goal.
00:19:24.000 You should be banned on social media.
00:19:26.000 Sorry, L.A.
00:19:27.000 You can't talk.
00:19:28.000 It's so weird that L.A.
00:19:29.000 is telling the American story and they don't know anything about anything.
00:19:33.000 You ever debated someone in L.A.?
00:19:35.000 It always ends up with this.
00:19:37.000 They're sort of deer in the headlights.
00:19:39.000 And then they go, you should be on Bill Maher.
00:19:41.000 You should talk to Bill Maher.
00:19:42.000 They're not saying, I'm great.
00:19:43.000 I should be on Bill Maher, which I have been, by the way, back in politically incorrect days.
00:19:46.000 What they're saying is, we want to pair you up with our biggest guy.
00:19:51.000 Like, if you were the best fighter in the world, they go, you should fight Mike Tyson.
00:19:55.000 Bill Maher to them is like a dude with a brain that's this big.
00:20:00.000 He is their super genius supercomputer.
00:20:03.000 And you're like, guess what?
00:20:04.000 Bill Maher's a retard.
00:20:07.000 He's only now sort of figuring out that leftist censorship and Soviet dictatorships in America are a bad look.
00:20:16.000 Oh wow, Bill.
00:20:18.000 You know what was awesome?
00:20:18.000 I was thinking about this yesterday, a similar thing where Ethan Klein was talking to Crowder and he was like, why don't you interview Sam Seder?
00:20:26.000 As if he's afraid of Sam Seder.
00:20:29.000 Or when David Cross was like, we need a big bad lefty like Ron Perlman.
00:20:34.000 Yeah, he said, David's bit was he wishes Ron Perlman would run for president and instead of debating Trump, he just runs over and beats the shit out of him.
00:20:43.000 And you're like, that's your tough guy?
00:20:45.000 Ron Perlman?
00:20:46.000 I love it.
00:20:47.000 From Beauty and the Beast?
00:20:49.000 Do you really think he's Hellboy?
00:20:52.000 What a loser!
00:20:53.000 I want Conor McGregor to beat up Biden.
00:20:59.000 All right, I have kind of a heady thing to jump into here.
00:21:02.000 Maybe we should start, before that we should get to Jump Medic.
00:21:08.000 Here is the fancy Jump Medic to Go bag.
00:21:12.000 Before we get heavy, this will be like having a commercial.
00:21:14.000 I should have had it zipped up and prepared.
00:21:17.000 But it zips up very easy.
00:21:19.000 I've opened this bag about 50 times on the show, so shit's starting to fall out.
00:21:23.000 But when it's done correctly, nothing falls out because you've got it all prepared, right?
00:21:32.000 So Velcro's at the top here.
00:21:35.000 You wear this on your vest when you're going to a doohickey, hunting, fishing, a riot, and then, uh-oh, someone's in trouble.
00:21:44.000 Slam the bag down on the ground.
00:21:45.000 Plop.
00:21:46.000 Grab at the top here.
00:21:48.000 Zoop!
00:21:49.000 It all unzips and folds out like that.
00:21:51.000 Well, you can't really see it now.
00:21:53.000 Ryan, kill the bottom part.
00:21:56.000 Isn't that awesome?
00:21:58.000 Now I'll let you feast on that with your eyes as I explain.
00:22:01.000 If you've been to Twitter lately you've seen that it's abundantly clear no one is ever safe.
00:22:06.000 Everyone is attacking each other and for the most ludicrous of reasons.
00:22:08.000 We just saw the Rowdy Boys attack the Party Down crew.
00:22:12.000 Uh, if you visit Wendy's and you take the last squirt of ketchup out of the dispenser, you better stand black and stand by, because apparently in America now, that could be a death sentence.
00:22:20.000 That's why we have the first aid kit, which is the Jump Medic.
00:22:24.000 Jump Medic's a fantastic company that makes first aid kits and sells first aid supplies.
00:22:28.000 The Jump Medic Pro, that's what you see here, um,
00:22:32.000 Is an incredibly durable first aid bag with flat lay design for ease of access.
00:22:36.000 When you lay this kid out flat, there's no fumbling through the mountains of supplies looking for what you need.
00:22:40.000 It's all right there in front of you.
00:22:42.000 But wait!
00:22:43.000 There's more!
00:22:44.000 With Jumpmatic Pro, you get two things.
00:22:47.000 There's also the smaller, more portable bag.
00:22:50.000 The smaller bag is great for your car, or if you're on the go, the Pro comes jam-packed with nine pounds of first aid equipment.
00:22:56.000 Everything you need in a first aid kit, all conveniently shipped to your door.
00:22:59.000 The Pro bag comes with so many supplies that we don't have time to list them all.
00:23:04.000 Shears, stethoscope, bandages, goggles, gloves, medications, a blood pressure cuff, and tons more.
00:23:10.000 Go to their website, jumpmedic.com.
00:23:14.000 And just take a look at everything included.
00:23:15.000 It's perfect for anyone.
00:23:16.000 Families, hunters, rowdy boys, cops, paramedics, you name it.
00:23:20.000 The Pro Kit can also be customized with the supplies of your choosing.
00:23:23.000 They have a variety of first aid supplies available whether you're buying to resupply your Pro Kit or to just stock up.
00:23:29.000 They have bandages, medication, trauma and exposure refills.
00:23:33.000 They now have a convenient refill subscription service for $99.
00:23:36.000 Jump Medic will keep you stocked up on supplies throughout the year.
00:23:39.000 Please add Copy Guy
00:23:41.000 Tell me that you put the dollar sign on the wrong side of the number just to drive me insane.
00:23:46.000 Please, God.
00:23:46.000 It's like, sometimes you see someone dressed so effeminately, you walk by them and you're like, please be gay, please be gay, please be gay, please be gay.
00:23:53.000 Because if you're a straight man, society is falling apart.
00:23:57.000 But wait a second, Gaff.
00:23:57.000 Yes?
00:23:58.000 What if I'm going on a small excursion and I don't really, really need a really, really big bag bag?
00:24:05.000 Well, you get the smaller one.
00:24:06.000 Oh.
00:24:09.000 For $99, JumpMedic will keep you stocked up on supplies throughout the year.
00:24:11.000 Every three months, you'll receive new refills for your first aid kits.
00:24:14.000 Their next refill is going out in early April.
00:24:17.000 So if you sign up today, you'll be getting your first refills in a few short weeks.
00:24:20.000 If you're stocked up on supplies, but you like the JumpMedic bags, they do sell just the empty bags.
00:24:25.000 It's the same fantastic bag as the JumpMedic Pro, and it even includes the smaller bag.
00:24:29.000 These bags were developed over two years ago by a paramedic with over a decade of experience on the ground.
00:24:33.000 So go to JumpMedic.com, enter promo code RyanSucks,
00:24:37.000 For 10% off.
00:24:39.000 Promo code Gavin also works if you don't hate Ryan.
00:24:41.000 Which I can't even imagine.
00:24:43.000 You can also navigate to their site on our sponsors link on the side of censored.tv's website.
00:24:49.000 Hey, my daughter's babysitting your kid today.
00:24:52.000 Yes.
00:24:53.000 This evening.
00:24:56.000 And it made me think, did you take any of the baby first aid courses?
00:25:02.000 My wife did, and then she told me about some chest compression sort of things, but no, I probably should know something.
00:25:10.000 Yeah, you should take that class.
00:25:11.000 It's just one day, and they show you the Heimlich.
00:25:15.000 The Heimlich for a baby is kind of weird.
00:25:16.000 You hold it here, and you sort of go bang, bang on the back.
00:25:20.000 You obviously can't do this thing.
00:25:22.000 Oh wait, I do remember that.
00:25:22.000 That I remember, yeah.
00:25:24.000 And I remember if they're choking on something, they kind of goop it.
00:25:26.000 Yep, there's the scoop.
00:25:28.000 And if you can't scoop, you got to do the back slam.
00:25:30.000 And you do it hard, like you hurt them.
00:25:32.000 Right.
00:25:33.000 Oofed.
00:25:36.000 I learned not to pat their back when they're coughing or choking on something.
00:25:40.000 It feels natural to pat their back when they're like coughing and choking on something, kind of.
00:25:44.000 Not choking, just like coughing, you know what I mean?
00:25:47.000 It's counterintuitive, but you're not supposed to do that.
00:25:50.000 Well, I said to my daughter, I'm like, the number one rule is just don't let her out of your sight.
00:25:53.000 Yeah.
00:25:53.000 You don't have to worry about her choking on something if you weren't ignoring her.
00:25:56.000 No, totally.
00:25:58.000 If you notice, I see that too, you know, you see on TikTok or something or social media, see some kid and the camera shows the room is just covered in like black paint and it goes all the way to the kitchen and then they show the kid and he's covered in black paint and they just destroyed the house basically.
00:26:14.000 You're like, how was he out of your sight for that long?
00:26:16.000 Yeah.
00:26:18.000 What?
00:26:19.000 Well, it's a good thing.
00:26:19.000 I mean, that's why I think women make the best babysitters.
00:26:21.000 They have a natural, like, instinct to care for, you know, kids.
00:26:26.000 Well, when they're that age, if you have shit to do, you gotta put them in a cage.
00:26:32.000 Like, that must have taken an hour.
00:26:35.000 Your baby was out of your sight for an hour?
00:26:36.000 Where were you?
00:26:37.000 I don't know.
00:26:39.000 You don't know?
00:26:40.000 I was scrubbing him.
00:26:43.000 You were scrubbing him?
00:26:44.000 Yeah.
00:26:46.000 Oh, Ethan.
00:26:47.000 What were you doing, watching a movie?
00:26:50.000 It's sort of like when you see those people of pit... Those people.
00:26:53.000 Those pictures of pitbulls where they have the baby sleeping on the pitbull and they go, does this look dangerous?
00:26:58.000 First of all, yes it does.
00:27:00.000 And secondly, your kid's not supposed to just crash on the floor.
00:27:04.000 You have nap time.
00:27:06.000 If you see a picture of a kid sleeping and he's not in his crib, you fucked up.
00:27:11.000 It's true.
00:27:12.000 A kid just crashed on the couch?
00:27:14.000 That's not good.
00:27:15.000 That means you fucked up.
00:27:17.000 You just fucked up.
00:27:18.000 They have allotted baby times.
00:27:24.000 Okay, I want to get heavy for a sec here.
00:27:25.000 You ready for this?
00:27:26.000 Yes.
00:27:28.000 I believe that God leaves calling cards.
00:27:34.000 Go on.
00:27:34.000 He leaves them in things like math.
00:27:36.000 For example, in mathematics.
00:27:38.000 I talk about this in A Million in the Morning.
00:27:41.000 If... I don't look very... I'm big compared to this, right?
00:27:46.000 Compared to an elephant, I'm small.
00:27:49.000 If the elephant is five times the size of the elephant you just thought of, well now I'm even smaller, right?
00:27:56.000 If the elephant gets infinitely big, I'm infinitely small.
00:28:00.000 You know what infinitely small is?
00:28:01.000 Zero.
00:28:03.000 That means, because the universe is expanding infinitely, we are, relative to the universe, getting infinitely smaller.
00:28:09.000 That means we don't exist.
00:28:10.000 We mathematically are the same as zero.
00:28:12.000 Infinitely small equals zero.
00:28:14.000 Yet here we are.
00:28:16.000 That's God saying, see, there's a little trick there.
00:28:19.000 There's a hole in the mass.
00:28:22.000 And I think we see this in special abilities.
00:28:26.000 I believe that when someone is abnormally gifted, that's a little window that God, he can't just like be George Burns and oh God and come down with a cigar and say, I'm here.
00:28:37.000 But he leaves you little things.
00:28:39.000 And there's this bodybuilder that got hit in the head, and now... In 2002, Jason Padgett, a bodybuilder, was brutally assaulted at a nightclub.
00:28:48.000 He was being a bitch.
00:28:49.000 After the incident, something remarkable happened to his brain.
00:28:51.000 Padgett suddenly developed a talent for abstract geometrical draftsmanship.
00:28:56.000 What the fuck?
00:29:01.000 Go down.
00:29:02.000 It went from deadlifts to headlifts, am I right?
00:29:06.000 Before Badgett's injury, he had no interest or aptitude for geometry or mathematics.
00:29:09.000 What was the cause of this sudden obsession with shapes?
00:29:11.000 Doctors discovered that he sustained bilateral damage to his brain.
00:29:15.000 The injuries were more severe in his right hemisphere.
00:29:18.000 Isn't it funny that he has a meathead haircut from back when he was dumb?
00:29:22.000 And it has geometry in it though.
00:29:23.000 Oh yeah, yeah.
00:29:25.000 Are you saying zero interest?
00:29:29.000 Keep going.
00:29:31.000 The damage done to his right hemisphere forces his left hemisphere into compensating by going into overdrive.
00:29:35.000 This part of the brain, as Ian McGilchrist writes, prefers narrow focus rule following and is engaged by parts or fragments.
00:29:42.000 Even the fact that our brains are allotted to different concepts is a message from the big guy.
00:29:49.000 Keep going.
00:29:51.000 It's weird that we use our brain to think about it.
00:29:53.000 Everything in Paget's world, from trees to clouds to water, started to develop an explicit abstract structure.
00:29:59.000 Living embodied forms suddenly became something new and beautiful, but essentially numerical and inanimate.
00:30:06.000 Like an equation translating.
00:30:09.000 As he said.
00:30:10.000 As he said.
00:30:13.000 I thought there was more to the nature of the universe than equations.
00:30:15.000 Can you move it over a little bit?
00:30:17.000 I can, and I will.
00:30:19.000 This direction?
00:30:23.000 Now it's too small.
00:30:24.000 That's why I said move it over as opposed to shrink it.
00:30:28.000 I thought there was more to the nature of the universe than equations.
00:30:30.000 I thought perhaps the universe spoke in its own form of math.
00:30:34.000 And that math was geometry.
00:30:36.000 Equations were symbolic, numbers were symbolic, but to me, geometry was real.
00:30:40.000 That reminds me of the smartest man in the world.
00:30:42.000 He was autistic as a kid, but his mom had him play with Cheerios and do math equations with him, and now he's the smartest man, most brilliant mathematician in the world.
00:30:50.000 He can do pi to, like, a million decimal places.
00:30:54.000 It takes him all day.
00:30:56.000 And they've had math students sit there verifying that he's getting it right.
00:31:00.000 He says he sees numbers as shapes.
00:31:03.000 When he does these complex equations, the surface area of 3x plus y cubed, spun about the z-axis, is just a bunch of blobs in his head.
00:31:11.000 And that's how he gets to the answer.
00:31:13.000 He learned Icelandic, which apparently is the hardest language in the world, in a day.
00:31:16.000 Anyway, Padgett saw shapes and angles everywhere in nature, from the geometry of a rainbow to the fractals in water spiraling down a drain.
00:31:22.000 Padgett drew a picture of water spiraling down a drain entitled Black Hole, showcasing the pattern of lines he saw overlaid in the water.
00:31:29.000 Spooky.
00:31:33.000 What can Padgett's story tell us about consciousness?
00:31:35.000 James saw the entire universe as a seamless flow.
00:31:39.000 Its members interdigitate with their next neighbors in manifold directions and there are no clean cuts between them anywhere.
00:31:46.000 Matter plus energy are connected at every level.
00:31:50.000 Whoa, dude.
00:31:52.000 You know that fucking meathead you beat up at the club?
00:31:55.000 He just solved the universe and talked to God.
00:31:57.000 He just beat the dumb out of him.
00:31:58.000 Can you kick my head in?
00:32:02.000 Consciousness does not appear to itself chopped up in bits.
00:32:05.000 Such words as chain or train do not describe it.
00:32:07.000 It fits as it presents itself in the first instance.
00:32:11.000 It is nothing jointed.
00:32:12.000 It flows.
00:32:14.000 A river or a stream are the metaphors by which it is most naturally described.
00:32:23.000 In talking of it, hereafter, let us call it the stream of thought, of consciousness, or of subjective life.
00:32:29.000 Source of the expression, stream of consciousness.
00:32:32.000 William James.
00:32:33.000 Fascinating.
00:32:35.000 Another example here is this bitch.
00:32:41.000 God leaves us messages in these abnormally high IQs.
00:32:46.000 You think the most fascinating part of it is?
00:33:05.000 See you next time!
00:33:21.000 Yes, and it's embedded into the structure of spacetime, scalably.
00:33:25.000 So these same geometries can be found within atoms or between galaxies, depending on the magnitude you're looking at.
00:33:33.000 That's wild.
00:33:34.000 She's either full of shit or I'm retarded.
00:33:37.000 I'm edging towards the latter.
00:33:43.000 Yeah, that's just like watching the Mets play, throw a fastball at a hundred miles an hour.
00:33:48.000 I'm just like,
00:33:49.000 You guys seem to know what you're doing.
00:33:50.000 Keep on doing it.
00:33:52.000 This is more proof that science is just the breakdown of God's miracles.
00:33:57.000 Yes.
00:33:58.000 And the harder you work at it, the more you discover about his... Here's a great example, by the way, of God's calling card.
00:34:08.000 The fact that we can turn sound into a shape just by laying out... What is it?
00:34:13.000 Magnetic powder?
00:34:14.000 Just powder?
00:34:15.000 Ferrofluid?
00:34:18.000 What?
00:34:19.000 You never heard of that?
00:34:20.000 Feral liquid?
00:34:21.000 So all we have is a metal plate and we sprinkle on some sand.
00:34:26.000 What you see here is completely formless, in other words there's no pattern at all.
00:34:31.000 Then we take a violin bow and we're going to play the plate with the violin bow.
00:34:39.000 You see a beautiful star appears on the plate.
00:34:42.000 Now, that pattern that forms is basically the sound made visible.
00:34:47.000 And it's kind of magic.
00:34:49.000 And now watch what happens when we make this plate vibrate from an electronic sound.
00:34:54.000 It'd be funny if he did it and it just spelled out, dump her.
00:34:57.000 And he was having a fight with his wife at the time.
00:35:01.000 Abort the baby.
00:35:03.000 It's going to be the next Hitler.
00:35:08.000 You're gay.
00:35:10.000 You are, you are gay.
00:35:12.000 It just turns into a huge cock.
00:35:15.000 You like this, fag.
00:35:16.000 That's a large cock, isn't it?
00:35:18.000 It just says fag and has an arrow.
00:35:21.000 And he tries to move.
00:35:23.000 He moves and it follows him.
00:35:24.000 It doesn't always work.
00:35:27.000 Sometimes it's wrong.
00:35:30.000 Put a magnet under it.
00:35:32.000 It's able to make these really weird spikes.
00:35:35.000 It turns into Nate Ober's nightmares.
00:35:37.000 I didn't understand that.
00:35:37.000 Here's a much simpler one for us dummies who don't understand the nuance of Swedish truffles.
00:35:41.000 This kid, Jude Kofi,
00:35:58.000 Now, I think it's some African immigrants from Kenya?
00:36:01.000 No, Ghana.
00:36:02.000 And this kid is special.
00:36:04.000 He's autistic.
00:36:05.000 He's weird.
00:36:06.000 And it's weird because they seem like maybe a lower middle class family.
00:36:11.000 But because they're black, they must be poor.
00:36:13.000 What?
00:36:14.000 African immigrants make more than whites in America, by the way.
00:36:18.000 But this guy, this white dude, sees this miracle.
00:36:21.000 He sees it as a sign of divine intervention.
00:36:24.000 And I agree with him.
00:36:25.000 I do think that God gave this boy this talent.
00:36:29.000 And I think music is a great way to see God's miracle.
00:36:32.000 Like, when you think of how few people can do ten hits, Tim Armstrong, Taylor Swift, Elton John, Bruce, there's like a dozen that have had, let's say, more than three number one hits.
00:36:47.000 That's a miracle.
00:36:49.000 But anyway, this story, which, bear with it, because it's done in that sort of reading-a-kid-a-book voice that these women news shows do, but I was watching and I was like, why didn't the dad just buy the fucking piano?
00:37:01.000 Anyway.
00:37:03.000 To 11-year-old Jude Kofi of Aurora, Colorado, this surprise was music to his eyes.
00:37:09.000 It's like 15 grand.
00:37:11.000 Look, it's a nice house.
00:37:14.000 The dad could have done a payment plan.
00:37:15.000 300 bucks a month?
00:37:17.000 200 bucks a month?
00:37:19.000 Get it together.
00:37:23.000 Jude's father, Isaiah.
00:37:25.000 So one day it just shows up at the house?
00:37:27.000 Yes.
00:37:28.000 All for free.
00:37:30.000 Who does that?
00:37:31.000 The answer in a moment.
00:37:32.000 Who does that to someone who makes a hundred grand a year?
00:37:36.000 I wear a suit every day.
00:37:37.000 Yes.
00:37:38.000 I am the top facilitator at the local hospital.
00:37:43.000 But first, the reason.
00:37:46.000 About a year and a half ago, Jude's dad heard a noise coming from the basement.
00:37:50.000 There was an old keyboard down there, but no one knew how to play it.
00:37:54.000 Certainly not his autistic son, Jude.
00:37:57.000 Or so he thought.
00:37:59.000 Isaiah then got Jude a larger keyboard to see what more he could do.
00:38:04.000 And boy, could he do.
00:38:08.000 Not bad.
00:38:09.000 I could probably play that.
00:38:12.000 No one taught him any of this.
00:38:16.000 I can't play with that feeling.
00:38:18.000 It's a miracle.
00:38:21.000 You think it's a miracle?
00:38:22.000 It is.
00:38:23.000 That's what I prefer.
00:38:28.000 Is he special?
00:38:29.000 He's beyond special.
00:38:30.000 He's Mozart level.
00:38:32.000 He's coming from somewhere beyond.
00:38:36.000 Bill is a piano tuner.
00:38:38.000 He saw a local news story about you.
00:38:43.000 Bill is what we call in the sucker business...
00:38:49.000 A fool and his money that gets soon parted.
00:38:53.000 How they're raising four children.
00:38:58.000 We call him a con man's dream.
00:39:02.000 We call him a rich African's best day.
00:39:05.000 Wait, go back a little bit.
00:39:07.000 Heard him play, learned how his...
00:39:11.000 Bill is a piano tuner.
00:39:13.000 He saw a local news story about Jude.
00:39:16.000 Heard him play.
00:39:17.000 Learned how his parents immigrated from Ghana.
00:39:19.000 How they're raising four children and sending money back to Ghana.
00:39:23.000 Stop!
00:39:25.000 Sending money back to Ghana.
00:39:27.000 Yeah, well that's typical, yeah.
00:39:28.000 No.
00:39:29.000 Do not do that.
00:39:30.000 Yep.
00:39:31.000 They do it.
00:39:32.000 Keep our money in our country.
00:39:34.000 Nope.
00:39:35.000 Tourism is a fantastic economy to have because you don't do shit.
00:39:39.000 People come to your place, your island, with their money and then they leave it there.
00:39:44.000 And what did you do?
00:39:45.000 You let them use your sun and your beach.
00:39:47.000 It's fucking awesome.
00:39:49.000 It's the easiest way to make money.
00:39:51.000 The opposite of that is people coming to your country, generating income, and then taking it away.
00:39:56.000 It's like clear-cutting.
00:39:58.000 You keep harvesting the trees, you never replenish the nutrients, and you're slowly stripping away the nutrients.
00:40:03.000 The quality of the product gets worse and worse and worse, because it's... Inhale, inhale, without exhaling.
00:40:10.000 So, don't do that, immigrants.
00:40:13.000 And white people, if you do see that, don't reward them with a $15,000 grand piano.
00:40:20.000 That'd be funny if they sent it to Ghana.
00:40:22.000 How much to send this gift to my mother?
00:40:25.000 Can we fill it full of dry fish fast?
00:40:29.000 My mother owns a hotel, a Marriott, back in Ghana.
00:40:32.000 They would love this in the lobby.
00:40:34.000 Oh, so she's rich.
00:40:36.000 Well, it's not a Hilton.
00:40:39.000 That's one of the kind of hidden things about immigration, too, is illegal immigrants come here, take the jobs, all the stuff we know, and then also send the money out.
00:40:46.000 Billions.
00:40:46.000 I did the math once, and I worked out we got 30 million illegals.
00:40:50.000 They're sitting back there.
00:40:51.000 The thing about a lot of these guys, too, is they come for like eight years.
00:40:54.000 They don't see their kids for eight years.
00:40:55.000 They're in bunks.
00:40:57.000 So one room, and that's why they have so many fires, because they have these multi-pronged plugs and heating plates on the floor.
00:41:04.000 One room will have like 10 Mexicans in it, and they're sending all of their money back.
00:41:09.000 And then the villages back in Mexico, they'll have like a sub-zero fridge in this shitty little town and there'll be no men in the entire town.
00:41:17.000 So it's a really weird distribution of assets because we take the fathers out of Mexico and then give the moms a fancy fridge and a new stove and the kids don't have a dad.
00:41:26.000 It's a fucking dumb mess.
00:41:28.000 It hurts both countries.
00:41:30.000 Not just Mexico either, like Peru, Ecuador, Salvador.
00:41:35.000 They go to Mexico so they could do the typical Mexican journey, but it's a lot of countries.
00:41:40.000 Yeah, and the same with the nannies too.
00:41:43.000 Barbara Ehrenreich writes about this in Global Woman.
00:41:45.000 We take all their nannies away, so we're taking all their moms away.
00:41:48.000 So just like these fuckers are sending the money to Ghana, we are taking the love.
00:41:55.000 Out of the Philippines.
00:41:56.000 They're exporting love.
00:41:58.000 And these nannies, they fall in love with the kids they're babysitting.
00:42:01.000 It's out of sight, out of mind.
00:42:02.000 They fall out of love with their children back in the Philippines.
00:42:06.000 That's sick and depraved.
00:42:08.000 And the Ghanese abuse of the color blue.
00:42:11.000 It's pretty bad, too.
00:42:12.000 A lot of blue.
00:42:15.000 What resources are left over to help this special little soul?
00:42:20.000 Plenty.
00:42:21.000 Yours.
00:42:23.000 Your fucking money.
00:42:24.000 Your little soul, Bill.
00:42:26.000 Yeah.
00:42:27.000 Using an inheritance from his father, Bill bought the piano.
00:42:32.000 Hey, Bill.
00:42:34.000 You know that family's fucking rich, right?
00:42:38.000 This wasn't really my plan when I left you 100% of my money.
00:42:44.000 He's not fucking poor.
00:42:45.000 There's a dark part of it where he comes over with a canister of coffee.
00:42:49.000 He sits down.
00:42:50.000 They're like, what are you doing here, Bill?
00:42:51.000 He's like, play.
00:42:55.000 He just wants them to be his personal pianos.
00:42:59.000 Okay.
00:42:59.000 Terrible.
00:43:02.000 He has promised to tune it once a month.
00:43:07.000 Wait, how much?
00:43:08.000 $15,000.
00:43:08.000 He's promised to tune it once a month for the rest of his life.
00:43:11.000 Very nice.
00:43:12.000 And he's even paying for Jude to get professional lessons.
00:43:17.000 We're family now.
00:43:19.000 Somebody to just love your son like that by making sure that his future is secured.
00:43:26.000 We are super thankful.
00:43:28.000 Yeah.
00:43:29.000 It has enabled us to send almost $30,000 back to Ghana because we don't have to worry about our piano costs.
00:43:39.000 Caring for other children as your own.
00:43:42.000 The defining note of humanity.
00:43:47.000 Black people are not necessarily poor, liberals.
00:43:50.000 This is like Joe Biden going, poor kids are just as smart as white kids.
00:43:57.000 Let's do some LGBTQ.
00:43:59.000 Oh wait, before we do that though, Nita Fashions.
00:44:03.000 I usually wear a suit on the show, but I had to dress country for that opening song.
00:44:07.000 Nita Fashions is in your town.
00:44:09.000 Let me just get the dates up here on the old WhatsApp.
00:44:12.000 That's how I communicate with them.
00:44:16.000 So you go to their site you go to their Instagram that most of you guys for whatever reason they're happy to talk to you any way possible But you all seem to want to DM them on Instagram and you can also do fittings that way Through video chat, but I've much prefer going there and Picking out various fabrics.
00:44:34.000 I describe it as a male equivalent of going to the spa You know, we don't really like getting our nails done or getting a massage.
00:44:41.000 I hate that shit and
00:44:43.000 But we do like looking at fabrics and discussing where the buttons should be and what the lining should be of our custom suit or our shirts.
00:44:50.000 Nice thick white shirts.
00:44:51.000 I used to cheap out and get the $50 ones where you can see your nipples through them.
00:44:55.000 But now I get like the $100 ones and it's just so awesome having a really thick white cotton shirt custom made to fit you perfectly.
00:45:03.000 The way you could think of it as worth it is if you buy a $100 shirt and you wear it 10 times, it's a $10.
00:45:08.000 You're renting it for $10 a wear, and you're going to wear it for a long, long time.
00:45:12.000 So it's basically free.
00:45:13.000 All right, Ryan, you're really getting involved in today's show.
00:45:18.000 I have a lot to say.
00:45:19.000 Real peppy.
00:45:20.000 Did you have a coffee before you?
00:45:22.000 I'm having a coffee during.
00:45:24.000 Ah, that might be it.
00:45:28.000 So the dates, they're gonna be in your town.
00:45:30.000 New York, March 28th to April 2nd.
00:45:34.000 They're going to be in Boston, April 3rd to April 5th.
00:45:37.000 And I'm not saying the hotels and everything, because when you contact them, they'll tell you where to meet them and everything, and it is on their site, too.
00:45:43.000 And then Washington, D.C., April 6th to 8th.
00:45:46.000 Oh wait, there's more.
00:45:48.000 Houston, Texas, April 10th to 12th.
00:45:51.000 Dallas, Texas, April 17th to 19th.
00:45:53.000 Chicago, April 20th to 23rd.
00:45:54.000 Denver, Colorado, April 24th to 25th.
00:46:00.000 L.A., April 27th, 29.
00:46:02.000 San Francisco, April 30th to May 2nd.
00:46:06.000 Okay?
00:46:08.000 Check it out.
00:46:09.000 Get suited up.
00:46:10.000 Nothing better than tailored clothes.
00:46:14.000 Alright, now we can get into LGBTQ.
00:46:20.000 I felt ugly.
00:46:20.000 Why are you gay?
00:46:22.000 I felt gay.
00:46:23.000 And then we fell in love.
00:46:24.000 And then they eat their poo-poo.
00:46:26.000 And we have a very good relationship.
00:46:27.000 I don't like you for a chick.
00:46:30.000 You don't want to see a close-up picture of my anus because you hate gay men!
00:46:35.000 You ugly.
00:46:36.000 Okay, now I'm mad at myself for not making that God's calling card thing a green screen.
00:46:44.000 And yeah, sorry, we spent so much time talking about those Africans being middle class that I forgot to focus on.
00:46:51.000 I honestly think that God just went bloop to that guy to remind us all that he's there.
00:46:58.000 Not the kid, the guy upstairs.
00:47:00.000 Anyway.
00:47:03.000 Don't go trans, you will die.
00:47:06.000 Why are we anti-trans?
00:47:08.000 Because we checked out their suicide rate.
00:47:11.000 If vegans were killing themselves at, what, a 42% rate, I'd say eat fucking meat.
00:47:18.000 Veganism is dangerous.
00:47:20.000 If shaving your head had a brutal suicide rate, we'd be encouraging people to avoid the clippers.
00:47:26.000 We'd also say kids should definitely not shave their head.
00:47:29.000 No way, not until you're 18.
00:47:31.000 If there was a suicide rate.
00:47:33.000 So this kid, hold on I'm not done, this and Matt Walsh was being interrogated because there's a new bill to deny kids this right and it's weird hearing the left promote this idea of young girls removing their tits, what's even there, or the chemical castration or all this sick shit.
00:47:54.000 When adults do sick shit we just go oh
00:47:57.000 Really?
00:47:58.000 When kids do it, we freak out.
00:48:01.000 That's why you're not allowed to get a tattoo if you're under 18.
00:48:04.000 Should 14-year-olds be able to get tattoo-affirming tattoos?
00:48:10.000 Identity-affirming tattoos?
00:48:11.000 What if a kid thinks of himself as a skinhead?
00:48:15.000 Can he get the classic 1970s, 80s skinhead made in England?
00:48:20.000 Across his forehead with the cross?
00:48:22.000 What about like a neck tattoo of a spider web?
00:48:26.000 He's a skinhead.
00:48:27.000 And even then, that's a bad analogy because being a skinhead doesn't have a high suicide rate.
00:48:33.000 So that doesn't even work.
00:48:35.000 And you can get tattoos removed.
00:48:37.000 When you remove your tits, they're toast.
00:48:40.000 They're gone.
00:48:41.000 You'll never breastfeed.
00:48:43.000 So it seems pretty reasonable to say, but yet the left is...
00:48:49.000 Paint themselves into a corner and then end up fighting these bizarre battles where they're promoting maiming.
00:48:56.000 And then part of the rigmarole is after you identify as a girl, whether you cut your dick off or not, you have to talk about how much happier you are and how you're definitely not going to commit suicide.
00:49:06.000 In fact, it's often their last words.
00:49:09.000 And here we have some guy at United Airlines.
00:49:12.000 Is that it?
00:49:13.000 Talking about, and they're making it a commercial for the airline because it's part of the woke left.
00:49:20.000 Talking about how great it is to be fucking trans.
00:49:29.000 Yay, I did it.
00:49:30.000 Stop.
00:49:37.000 The reason they commit suicide, by the way, is they tend to be depressed.
00:49:41.000 I think I would be depressed if I was gay.
00:49:43.000 And a part of it is you're weird.
00:49:46.000 You're unusual.
00:49:47.000 It's literally not normal when you look at the definition of normal.
00:49:50.000 Now, I don't persecute homosexuals.
00:49:53.000 I don't even give a shit.
00:49:54.000 I see it as a vegetarian line.
00:49:57.000 You're a lion that doesn't eat meat.
00:49:58.000 You've got big giant fangs.
00:50:00.000 You're the king of the jungle and you don't eat meat.
00:50:02.000 Would you hate a vegetarian lion?
00:50:04.000 No.
00:50:05.000 You'd feel bad for it.
00:50:06.000 You'd go, that kind of sucks.
00:50:08.000 And a vegetarian lion would probably be bummed.
00:50:10.000 He'd probably see all the other lions eating meat and he'll just be there having his cucumber going, what is with me?
00:50:15.000 Why do I have this trait?
00:50:18.000 So they tend to be suicidal.
00:50:20.000 They're weird.
00:50:22.000 So they go, maybe I'm not.
00:50:25.000 Depressed, maybe the problem is that and the reason I don't feel right in my body is because I'm actually a woman.
00:50:30.000 I'm a woman with a penis.
00:50:32.000 So then they go through this bullshit.
00:50:34.000 I hope he doesn't have any surgeries, but they go through this crap and then they go fuck I'm still depressed.
00:50:38.000 It wasn't the chick thing and that's when they kill themselves.
00:50:43.000 So this is not a solution.
00:50:45.000 It is a placebo and placebos don't work.
00:50:50.000 Let alone, it's a rare sight on my stories.
00:50:53.000 I used to be so embarrassed about being trans and all I wanted was to blend in and be cis.
00:50:58.000 But times have changed and I've started looking back at the bigger picture and understanding I do have a story to tell.
00:51:08.000 This story comes after a huge pep talk from one of my biggest motivators, Love.
00:51:13.000 This is a story that I know is so important for me to continue sharing.
00:51:18.000 Not for me.
00:51:19.000 Yeah.
00:51:19.000 But for those out there who are still fighting social norms.
00:51:23.000 The boundaries set upon them.
00:51:25.000 Fighting themselves.
00:51:26.000 Gay.
00:51:27.000 Lesbian.
00:51:28.000 Bi.
00:51:29.000 Trans.
00:51:30.000 Pan.
00:51:31.000 Whatever and whoever you identify as.
00:51:32.000 This commercial ended up advertising something totally different.
00:51:36.000 My life changed for the better when I came to United as a flight attendant.
00:51:41.000 Yay!
00:51:41.000 You're doing the right thing.
00:51:43.000 A dead person.
00:51:58.000 I was able to glow up and let go of the past.
00:52:01.000 So here's all the pain that Kyle went through so that Kaylee could live today.
00:52:07.000 Kaylee's dead.
00:52:07.000 In a way, there was two suicides.
00:52:10.000 There's one of Kyle and then one of Betty or whoever.
00:52:13.000 First he killed Kyle, then he killed Kaylee.
00:52:15.000 He's a mass murderer.
00:52:18.000 And what's the thing about I'm sorry I couldn't be stronger?
00:52:21.000 Oh wait.
00:52:25.000 Thank you for your concern and supporting and love of her.
00:52:27.000 We're going to miss her so much.
00:52:28.000 Please understand that me leaving is not a reflection of you, the result of my inability to turn myself for the better.
00:52:33.000 To Ashley, blah, blah, blah, I'm sorry.
00:52:34.000 Please remember me for the good memories we've shared and never for my downfall.
00:52:38.000 I'll see you on the other side.
00:52:40.000 Where in hell?
00:52:43.000 No, thank you.
00:52:44.000 I'm sorry to mock someone's death.
00:52:45.000 That's not very Christian, but.
00:52:47.000 Right.
00:52:49.000 You know, we kept telling you all this.
00:52:50.000 We kept saying, it's not a solution.
00:52:52.000 What are you doing?
00:52:52.000 No, no, this isn't right.
00:52:53.000 No, you look absurd.
00:52:54.000 This is a ridiculous act you're all doing, and it has dire consequences.
00:52:59.000 So, hey, fly with love?
00:53:01.000 You just killed someone.
00:53:03.000 Well, you killed two people in a way.
00:53:04.000 I hope you're proud of yourself.
00:53:07.000 Isn't it ironic that their whole message is we need to do this to prevent suicide, and it actually leads to more suicide?
00:53:15.000 This is what Matt Walsh was saying in that fucking dumb interrogation he had to do for the bill being passed to prevent kids getting maimed.
00:53:22.000 He said, we didn't used to accept trans people and the suicide rate was not much.
00:53:29.000 Child suicide rate.
00:53:29.000 Since we've started accepting trans young people, the suicide rate has skyrocketed.
00:53:36.000 So we're the ones trying to prevent suicide.
00:53:38.000 Check the numbers, check the data.
00:53:42.000 As a little side note, by the way, John last night told me about this story and I looked it up.
00:53:48.000 I go, go to two, three.
00:53:49.000 I go, dude, it's the CEO that hanged himself at United Airlines.
00:53:54.000 And, uh, he, he did this like a year ago.
00:53:58.000 And he goes, no, that's a different suicide.
00:54:01.000 Their CEO hanged himself from a uprooted tree.
00:54:07.000 So weird people will never get suicide.
00:54:11.000 Yeah.
00:54:11.000 Like my in-law, my mother-in-law was just telling me about her neighbor who, he was like 79 and he was, you know, not healthy and he killed himself.
00:54:18.000 And I didn't say this, but I was just thinking in my head, just go to the bar.
00:54:23.000 As long as you can take your walker and go to a dive bar and just sit there, you don't have to die.
00:54:33.000 Yeah, we need to let them win at sports to prevent suicide.
00:54:36.000 Women's cycling champ quits after lost to trans rider.
00:54:38.000 Another trans winner days later in New York race.
00:54:44.000 Look at this.
00:54:45.000 We'll kill ourselves if you don't let us destroy women in sports.
00:54:48.000 Tiffany Thomas.
00:54:50.000 It was a great day to play bikes with friends.
00:54:51.000 I can't wait for more days like this.
00:54:55.000 You know what else John, other than they have the surfer with one arm, she also quit.
00:54:58.000 But John was like, the way to handle this is you encourage the guy.
00:55:02.000 You say, dude, that was an awesome race.
00:55:04.000 You rock.
00:55:05.000 He really fell into his own in the second half of the race.
00:55:11.000 He's one of the best cyclists.
00:55:12.000 So this is what Hannah
00:55:14.000 Ironsman says, I've decided to end my cycling career at my last race at the recent UCI Cyclocross National Championships in the Elite Women's category.
00:55:22.000 I came in fourth place, flanked on either side by male riders, awarded third and fifth places.
00:55:29.000 My sister and family sobbed as they watched a man finish in front of me, having witnessed several physical interactions with him throughout the race.
00:55:38.000 Like, they're still aggressive males.
00:55:40.000 So it's not like they're biking going, I might make it.
00:55:42.000 They're fucking out to kill.
00:55:44.000 Wait, go to the last picture.
00:55:45.000 I love that picture though.
00:55:47.000 Yeah, I did it.
00:55:50.000 You're not a woman.
00:55:52.000 You're a dude with long hair.
00:55:57.000 Bending over backwards.
00:55:59.000 Oh.
00:56:00.000 Hey, dude, you rock.
00:56:02.000 I understand Def Leppard are going on another final tour.
00:56:06.000 Are you sure?
00:56:10.000 This is the mess.
00:56:10.000 And then you have Drew Barrymore praying to Dylan Mulvaney like he's some sort of saint.
00:56:18.000 Yeah, when you can't show your hair or wear any girly stuff, it really shows that that's just a dude.
00:56:23.000 Just a dude whipping down.
00:56:25.000 Look at that.
00:56:27.000 Just a dude with fake tits and long hair.
00:56:31.000 He's got beautiful tits.
00:56:34.000 I was reminded recently that 17 years ago, this was all a joke.
00:56:38.000 And it was in Mad Magazine.
00:56:40.000 The Slippery Soap was going to be so farcical, it was presented as humor, in 2006.
00:56:47.000 How accidentally accurate are these she-males?
00:56:49.000 Where will we be in 17 years from now?
00:56:51.000 Declining standards of the U.S.
00:56:53.000 Army.
00:56:54.000 Former standard, no gaze.
00:56:55.000 Current standard, don't ask, don't tell.
00:56:57.000 It's gone way beyond that.
00:56:58.000 Future standard, if you're breathing, you're in.
00:57:02.000 This is not a joke.
00:57:03.000 This is a documentary with a cool cartoon.
00:57:06.000 Height.
00:57:07.000 Old days you had to be taller than 5'10".
00:57:10.000 Current standard, you have to be taller than 5'6".
00:57:11.000 Future standard, taller than wide.
00:57:15.000 Also true, remember those videos of those fat girls in boot camp?
00:57:20.000 Wow.
00:57:20.000 That guy with the pink helmet looks like Millennial Matt.
00:57:22.000 I think he calls himself Mustache Man now.
00:57:22.000 Doesn't he?
00:57:39.000 He was in that movie, what's it called?
00:57:43.000 The Dividers.
00:57:44.000 I finally finished the whole thing.
00:57:46.000 I regret my negative review.
00:57:48.000 It wasn't negative, I just said it's kind of weird to do a whole movie about such a small thing, but it is actually even more fascinating how after they moved it to a field in Tennessee, they start using planes, weather patterns, intersecting flights, because they see two planes go like this, which I guess is rare, and the stars.
00:58:07.000 They start using the Assignment of the Stars, and eventually they narrow it down to like two square miles, and then some guy says, I'm just gonna drive around honking my horn in this rural Tennessee.
00:58:18.000 Wow.
00:58:19.000 Tell me if you hear it.
00:58:20.000 And they're like, we hear it, we hear it, we hear it, it's getting louder!
00:58:23.000 And they found it, they took it down, and they put up a Pepe frog and a MAGA hat.
00:58:30.000 And Shia LaBeouf proceeded to lose his fucking mind.
00:58:35.000 Which is always fun to watch.
00:58:39.000 And then Andy Ngo was discussed recently on Tucker's show where he said, yeah, I looked into it.
00:58:45.000 They are dying of suicide.
00:58:48.000 No one's killing them though.
00:58:49.000 There's no genocide.
00:58:51.000 And the few that are dead were all killed by black gangsta thugs who, for some reason, trainees are attracted to.
00:59:00.000 Andy Noah has run the numbers about these claims of violence and genocide against the trans community, and here's what he found, having done actual research into it.
00:59:08.000 Quote, there is no genocide of trans people in the U.S.
00:59:11.000 or anywhere in the West.
00:59:12.000 In fact, there has been an explosion of trans-identifying people, which research suggests is a social contagion spread by social media fads and youth peer pressure.
00:59:21.000 The few dozen trans people tragically killed in America each year are usually murdered by black men in the course of prostitution activities.
00:59:29.000 So we believe that that is factually true.
00:59:33.000 None of that ever gets mentioned, of course, least of all on national television.
00:59:36.000 You know what else no one looks into?
00:59:37.000 What are the exact details of the murder?
00:59:40.000 Did he fuck a tranny in the butt and give him a reach around and then feel so disgusted with himself for being gay that he killed him?
00:59:47.000 Or were the details of the penis not made clear during the initial transaction?
00:59:52.000 And then when he gets down to it, he notices a dick and goes, what the fuck, man?
00:59:55.000 I ain't no fag!
00:59:57.000 And then kills him.
00:59:59.000 Now that's what I call transaction.
01:00:03.000 Thank you, Andy.
01:00:05.000 They had that rally at the Brooklyn Art Museum during COVID and de Blasio was totally for it, even though it was 100,000 people together with no mask.
01:00:12.000 It's okay.
01:00:13.000 The virus doesn't spread if you're doing radical leftist politics.
01:00:18.000 Remember we were talking about how cool it'd be to have a sign and just be like, it'd be mug shots of everyone who killed a tranny.
01:00:26.000 And it'd be like, stop trans murder.
01:00:28.000 And it would just all be black dudes.
01:00:31.000 Is this a memorial of all the people killed by cops?
01:00:34.000 No.
01:00:35.000 That's over there.
01:00:35.000 Nope.
01:00:36.000 It's three pictures.
01:00:37.000 The Trans Murder Squad.
01:00:39.000 Actually, Milo, when he had a show on this network, he brought in some tranny chick and she showed what I just described.
01:00:45.000 She just went through all the faces.
01:00:46.000 It took fucking forever.
01:00:49.000 It was a montage of like 50 black dudes.
01:00:54.000 If it went on forever, then there is a genocide.
01:00:54.000 Wait a minute.
01:00:58.000 No, not really.
01:01:00.000 We're talking 100% of the dead trainees were murdered by black thugs because they were prostitutes.
01:01:04.000 And also, by the way, even within the prostitution world, they're like doing meth.
01:01:11.000 These are not escorts in Vegas.
01:01:13.000 This is like the scummiest, most dangerous, radical, fringe prostitutes alleyways.
01:01:19.000 So you're already in a demographic that's very violent.
01:01:22.000 Like if I was selling fucking newspapers to thugs in the most dangerous part of Baltimore at five in the morning, the odds of me dying are also pretty high just because of where I am.
01:01:37.000 Did you hear about the all trans DC movie that they're coming out with, Gavin?
01:01:43.000 No.
01:01:44.000 It's called the Suicide Squad.
01:01:56.000 They don't really care about suicide.
01:01:58.000 The people promoting this, they just don't like us.
01:02:01.000 And they know that we don't like that.
01:02:02.000 So they go, OK, more of that.
01:02:04.000 The fact that it leads to death and it fucks up kids lives, they don't fucking care.
01:02:09.000 They just want to make you uncomfortable because they don't like us.
01:02:12.000 This is all it is.
01:02:13.000 It's not even, it's not racism.
01:02:15.000 It's, it's not, it's, it's bigotry in the sense that they hate the West.
01:02:20.000 They hate themselves.
01:02:21.000 They hate their fathers.
01:02:22.000 They hate you.
01:02:23.000 They hate me.
01:02:24.000 And so they just keep throwing shit at the wall to see what sticks.
01:02:27.000 And when we go, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, that's leading to death.
01:02:30.000 And like, oh, so now you're mad.
01:02:33.000 Well, yeah.
01:02:33.000 Hey, those are kids.
01:02:35.000 Oh, look, he's all spicy.
01:02:37.000 Wow, look at you go, Mr. Grumpy Pants.
01:02:41.000 And you're like, OK.
01:02:43.000 Then you stand in front of the shit.
01:02:45.000 Stop it!
01:02:46.000 Go throw shit at yourself over there.
01:02:48.000 You can throw all the shit you want.
01:02:50.000 Just leave kids out of it and stop murdering people.
01:02:53.000 Sorry I have such high standards, but I don't think murder is good, and I don't think children should be violated.
01:03:02.000 And then finally, in clown world, remember that clown, Alok?
01:03:07.000 Yes.
01:03:08.000 This is the fucker who said, yeah, you're so worried about trannies in bathrooms molesting your kids.
01:03:14.000 A lot of these young girls are not the princesses you make them out to be.
01:03:19.000 Implying that our daughters are sluts.
01:03:24.000 And when these trannies go into the bathroom, sometimes they're getting their cocks grabbed by our slutty daughters.
01:03:30.000 What?
01:03:31.000 What?
01:03:34.000 And instead of being ostracized by what is essentially promoting pedophilia and calling our children whores, he's teaching a class.
01:03:45.000 U Penn, that's the dummies that hired Biden to be president.
01:03:49.000 He never even showed up once and talks about when he taught there.
01:03:53.000 U Penn hires non-binary trans feminine fashion model as LGBTQ scholar with anonymous $2 million gift.
01:04:02.000 Can you believe?
01:04:04.000 I mean, talk about clown world.
01:04:07.000 It's not even a metaphor anymore.
01:04:08.000 He's a fucking clown.
01:04:11.000 Like if you went to Pakistan and you were watching the Hindu circus, he'd come out and you'd be like, yay, I hope he rides a bear.
01:04:19.000 Can you imagine the class?
01:04:23.000 Imagine having a degree in what he's teaching.
01:04:26.000 What's happening there?
01:04:32.000 What's happening to your mouth?
01:04:45.000 I can't imagine.
01:04:46.000 First you have to learn a bunch of fake words like hegemony and discourse and our existence, the way they talk.
01:04:54.000 Why everyone is out to get them and deny that.
01:04:56.000 Why we all want them to die.
01:04:59.000 Why we need to protect trans children.
01:05:02.000 Let me make a prediction here.
01:05:05.000 The class is going great and then he starts talking about minor attracted people and they shut him down.
01:05:12.000 Guaranteed.
01:05:13.000 We've seen this happen a million times.
01:05:15.000 I'm not being very adventurous with this prediction but we've seen these academics.
01:05:19.000 They start saying don't hurt gays and you're like yeah okay that's reasonable.
01:05:23.000 And then they go, gays are a woman and gender doesn't exist.
01:05:27.000 And you're like, man, I think it exists, but okay.
01:05:30.000 And then they inevitably end up with, you know, kids are sexual beings and we have to let them grow and explore.
01:05:36.000 And you're like, all right, we're done.
01:05:38.000 You're out of here.
01:05:40.000 I'm against child rape.
01:05:42.000 Remember that academic?
01:05:43.000 She was a professor.
01:05:45.000 She said he was a he.
01:05:47.000 And he wrote a whole book and did a whole seminar on maps and was finally shut down.
01:05:53.000 That's where Alok is going to end up.
01:05:55.000 I have a friend who designs clothing for fat people because she's fat.
01:06:01.000 And we were good friends.
01:06:02.000 I've known her since I was in college.
01:06:04.000 And then she dumped me not too long ago for being, I don't know, incendiary.
01:06:10.000 And I was like, OK, so just to be clear, Alok was one of her models.
01:06:15.000 And they go, just to be clear, you never speak to me again because I like Trump, but one of the people promoting your fashion line is also promoting sex with children.
01:06:24.000 And that's fine.
01:06:26.000 Nice priorities, Alexandra Waldman.
01:06:31.000 Alright, I think we're ready for the old mail bag.
01:06:34.000 Let's get scrotal.
01:06:36.000 That's a very good point.
01:06:37.000 And the reason why I think the mail bag is important... Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.
01:06:44.000 Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's mail bag.
01:06:49.000 Let me touch it.
01:06:50.000 This is gonna make sure that people all have their voices heard.
01:06:55.000 Fridays are weird because I feel like it's a new audience So I want to show sort of a good template of what we talk about But when you're trying to do that it and make the most typical show possible.
01:07:08.000 It's not a typical show because a typical show has silly ranting and chatting and When you take that away I
01:07:18.000 Take it away, take it away, take it away now.
01:07:20.000 You have a different show.
01:07:21.000 Here's something.
01:07:22.000 Gavin.
01:07:23.000 Michelle Obama admitted to never being pregnant.
01:07:26.000 They used a surrogate both times.
01:07:28.000 I think I read it in Oprah Magazine.
01:07:30.000 Please don't judge me.
01:07:31.000 Huh.
01:07:32.000 Okay.
01:07:34.000 That changes a lot of stuff.
01:07:36.000 Someone's made a t-shirt from last night's show and it has a Brian quote on it.
01:07:41.000 And the quote is, I wasn't trying to party.
01:07:43.000 I was trying to celebrate my friend getting out of prison.
01:07:47.000 There's a difference.
01:07:52.000 I gotta say, I feel so different since Max and John got out.
01:07:57.000 Because I felt, I know I wasn't responsible for that, but they got in the fight at my talk.
01:08:02.000 Antifa jumped them because of a club I started.
01:08:04.000 Now, Antifa was obviously wrong, so I'm not gonna say that it's my fault.
01:08:09.000 But, you know, when someone gets in a fight at your talk and then goes to jail for four years, you feel inexorably linked to it, we'll say.
01:08:19.000 Now, with January 6th, I feel terrible for those guys, but I did beg them not to go.
01:08:24.000 So that feels much more distant.
01:08:26.000 I'm still gonna fight for them, and we gave Nick Oakes a show, Letters from Prison.
01:08:30.000 I still talk to the lawyers all the time.
01:08:32.000 Which is free.
01:08:33.000 You could share it, and you should.
01:08:35.000 Try to raise money for them.
01:08:36.000 Oh yeah, is Nick Oakes' show free?
01:08:37.000 It is, yep.
01:08:39.000 They're really good.
01:08:41.000 Yeah, they're really interesting too.
01:08:42.000 I forgot how well informed he is about the very nature of politics and votes and structuring society.
01:08:49.000 We really have put our best men in jail and canceled our greatest minds while at the same time promoting our stupidest, shittiest people.
01:08:58.000 Alok is a retard.
01:09:01.000 Joe Biden cannot speak English and he's the leader of the left.
01:09:08.000 Let's do a little fashion show real quick.
01:09:09.000 There's a war on meritocracy in this country, and it'll be the death of America.
01:09:13.000 And as I keep saying, a war on meritocracy is a war on America.
01:09:17.000 America was built on meritocracy.
01:09:19.000 Who's that?
01:09:20.000 Just a little fashion show highlighting beautiful women.
01:09:24.000 Okay.
01:09:31.000 Same.
01:09:32.000 Same.
01:09:33.000 Dude, this is all the same.
01:09:36.000 They're all nines.
01:09:42.000 I kind of want to take his class.
01:09:44.000 Oh my God, if we get somebody in there.
01:09:46.000 Yeah, if you go to University of Penn State, which there are a lot of friendlies there.
01:09:50.000 They had you talk there.
01:09:52.000 No, that's a different college.
01:09:53.000 Oh, fuck.
01:09:54.000 Well, whatever.
01:09:54.000 UPenn is not Penn State.
01:09:55.000 I'm sure one of our baby monsters goes there.
01:09:59.000 Yeah, please take that class and please try to get an A. I bet the way you do it is, and this is true of most college, you hear keywords, they all have their word they love, like hegemony, and you make sure you put their favorite words in your essay.
01:10:15.000 And then they really go, this guy's got it.
01:10:22.000 This guy's looking for some advice.
01:10:23.000 We should probably send this to Gina and Mike.
01:10:25.000 They haven't put out a show in a while.
01:10:28.000 I saw a show Mike did on it by himself saying, I'm really embarrassed, or this is really hard for me to admit, but I work at a fucking grocery store now to pay the bills.
01:10:41.000 So we'll send this to them, hope they do it.
01:10:42.000 But he goes, I'm a 26-year-old man living in Halifax.
01:10:45.000 I just broke up with my girlfriend in 10 months.
01:10:47.000 Starting over is daunting as hell.
01:10:51.000 I'm a musician and a fairly successful actor in Canada and the UK, but the money is nothing.
01:10:54.000 I still work part-time jobs when I'm not gigging.
01:10:56.000 I want to have kids by the time I'm 30 or 31, but convincing a girl within four years seems daunting.
01:11:00.000 I don't know.
01:11:01.000 Most girls my age around here are not looking to have kids in 20s.
01:11:05.000 Here's my advice.
01:11:06.000 Stop trying to get married and have kids within four years.
01:11:10.000 That's desperation.
01:11:12.000 Enjoy yourself, enjoy your hobbies, have passion for what's around you, and the rest will follow suit.
01:11:19.000 Girls are not into a dude who wants to have a baby now.
01:11:24.000 I mean, they want someone where that's going to happen, but he's got his own shit going on, as Gary Coleman would say.
01:11:32.000 You need to be focused on that.
01:11:35.000 And the rest will fall into place.
01:11:38.000 It's not attractive to be, I would like to have babies with you within four years.
01:11:42.000 Can we have five?
01:11:44.000 We're not Amish.
01:11:45.000 We're not part of the sun-moon thing.
01:11:49.000 Although I like them now.
01:11:51.000 Remember we made fun of them, the moonies?
01:11:53.000 And then we met baby monsters who were moonies and they're like,
01:11:56.000 Yeah, I didn't arrange marriage.
01:11:57.000 It worked out great, and we love guns, and we're madly in love.
01:12:00.000 Okay, sorry.
01:12:01.000 And we worship Christ, and we bring our AR-15s to church.
01:12:06.000 All right, you win, I lose.
01:12:09.000 But that's not our culture, generally, so...
01:12:12.000 And get a real job.
01:12:14.000 Being in a band is a dead end.
01:12:16.000 Learn to produce music, be a sound engineer or something.
01:12:20.000 Because 26, touring in a rock band?
01:12:24.000 We're coming to the end of the line, buddy.
01:12:27.000 You're not the Stones.
01:12:29.000 29?
01:12:30.000 Being 32 on the road in a band?
01:12:33.000 That's getting embarrassing.
01:12:35.000 40?
01:12:36.000 Well, you might as well be in a rap battle in Canada talking about posters of Gavin McInnes.
01:12:40.000 We could be in a lock band.
01:12:43.000 Now this guy is sending us a pic.
01:12:47.000 Better vid of Smoke Show.
01:12:50.000 And he's sending us this picture of this girl who's really into 80s stuff.
01:12:54.000 And how beautiful she is.
01:12:55.000 She's a perfect 10.
01:12:58.000 That chin is a little doody.
01:13:00.000 She's got some Slavic features which is appealing.
01:13:02.000 A nice wide face, that can be hot.
01:13:05.000 High cheekbones.
01:13:06.000 But this isn't a 10 to me, this is like a 6.9, 6.6 even.
01:13:12.000 But the reason I like this kind of stuff is girls are always like unattainable body image and they only like hot chicks.
01:13:20.000 I get these emails all the time where someone says a perfect 10 and it's never a 10 to me.
01:13:26.000 So the point is ladies, it's not like everyone is looking for Emily Ratajkowski.
01:13:31.000 Our 10, one man's 10 is another man's 6.
01:13:34.000 So if you're not fat, you have long hair and you wear heels three times a week, some dude is going to be obsessed with you.
01:13:43.000 Some you've got like big fat drooping tits some guys gonna be those are my exact tits Other guys gonna be like I'm more of a small tits guy There's so few deal-breakers.
01:13:54.000 There's remarkably thinning hair That's a deal-breaker and there's tits where there's zero meat in them at all.
01:14:01.000 They've been emptied and they're just flapjacks That's a deal-breaker.
01:14:04.000 That's two Even fatness other guys are into So more about like a symmetrical face
01:14:13.000 That's really where the key of beauty is.
01:14:17.000 Go ahead.
01:14:20.000 So that's, I don't know if I'm coming across the way I want to, but that's kind of an empowering thing, that video, that chick.
01:14:29.000 Because I'm looking at her going, all right, well I hope someone's happy one day.
01:14:33.000 And he's looking at her like, this is a fucking goddess.
01:14:36.000 Go to her page.
01:14:38.000 She's really authentic too with her 80s shit.
01:14:43.000 When I look at this, I was like, I am so lucky to have been a teenager in the 80s.
01:14:46.000 It was the hottest time for women.
01:14:54.000 Huge hair.
01:14:56.000 They were always dressed up.
01:15:00.000 Oh, what's she saying in the interview?
01:15:01.000 Is that just a picture?
01:15:03.000 It's like a video.
01:15:12.000 So she's got an 80s radio show.
01:15:16.000 A lot of shitty music during that time.
01:15:21.000 You know the best example of that is Matthew Wilder, Nobody's Gonna Break My Stride.
01:15:27.000 So gay and he wasn't even gay.
01:15:29.000 Look in the, it might be in the notes, in the evergreen notes.
01:15:34.000 What is it called?
01:15:36.000 It's in the opening song, Nobody's Gonna Break My Stride.
01:15:43.000 Oh shit, I killed it.
01:15:47.000 Why did I do that?
01:15:49.000 It's not there.
01:15:51.000 Well, just look up Matthew Wilder, Break My Stride.
01:15:56.000 The video's for it.
01:15:57.000 You're just like, holy shit, he's not gay?
01:15:59.000 People liked this song?
01:16:03.000 He was like a 70s folk musician.
01:16:05.000 Then the 80s came, they said, the folk shit's done.
01:16:08.000 You gotta get gay now.
01:16:09.000 He's like, no problem.
01:16:14.000 Oh yeah, I thought this was Robin Williams for the longest time.
01:16:20.000 Can't break my stride.
01:16:23.000 Never gonna bring me down.
01:16:24.000 You know what the 80s is?
01:16:30.000 It's a giant commercial for the dangers of cocaine.
01:16:35.000 If you do too much coke, you will dress like this, you will dance like this, and you will like this song.
01:16:41.000 Don't do drugs, kids.
01:16:44.000 Oh, he's got one of those, the Chapman stick, I think it's called.
01:16:49.000 There's another video of him doing like Top of the Pops or some shit.
01:16:53.000 Soul Train or something.
01:16:54.000 It's even gayer than that.
01:16:58.000 It's funny how gay shit doesn't give you deuce chills the way that lesbian country song does.
01:17:03.000 Although she's gay.
01:17:05.000 Yeah, the bottom one there, that one.
01:17:07.000 Yeah.
01:17:08.000 I went for the gayest looking one possible.
01:17:15.000 Oh my god!
01:17:17.000 He's a little AIDS man.
01:17:24.000 What's the proof he's not gay?
01:17:25.000 That he's got kids?
01:17:26.000 I know he's not.
01:17:29.000 Huh.
01:17:35.000 This is a good argument for homophobia.
01:17:38.000 He's like a little gay guy.
01:17:41.000 Is there an interview?
01:17:41.000 Come on.
01:17:44.000 Making songs is good.
01:17:45.000 I like songs.
01:17:47.000 Why did I kill that?
01:17:52.000 Celebrity mailbag Printy.
01:17:53.000 Quite frankly, I believe Printy should be eligible for a celebrity mailbag app.
01:17:57.000 I'd like to know what Printy thinks about PCMag.com's picks for the best printers in 2023.
01:18:04.000 Would he kick them out of bed?
01:18:06.000 Would he kick any of them out of bed for jamming papers?
01:18:09.000 Not a chance.
01:18:11.000 I mean, I've seen it.
01:18:12.000 I've seen it all.
01:18:13.000 If you've seen it and it prints, I've seen it.
01:18:16.000 Holy shit, the top printer is my home printer.
01:18:18.000 The HP OfficeJet Pro 910 all-in-one printer.
01:18:22.000 Back in the day, even hotter.
01:18:24.000 The newer models aren't even as good.
01:18:27.000 You should have seen them back in the day in their prime.
01:18:29.000 You're a Canon?
01:18:30.000 I think you're number two, bro.
01:18:32.000 Thanks.
01:18:33.000 I mean, it's not your exact model, but the Canon Maxify GX5020 is number two on the list.
01:18:40.000 Yeah, it's pretty good.
01:18:41.000 It looks like you.
01:18:42.000 It looks like a newer version of you.
01:18:44.000 What are you saying?
01:18:44.000 Oh, we all look the same!
01:18:45.000 No, I'm just kidding.
01:18:50.000 All right, next letter.
01:18:52.000 Oh, here's the interview.
01:18:57.000 Can we see that thing somewhere?
01:18:59.000 Not the guy.
01:18:59.000 The Chapman stick.
01:19:01.000 This is Lloyd Moffat.
01:19:02.000 Thank you, Lloyd.
01:19:03.000 We got a great shot of you, but is that... Excuse me a second, Matthew.
01:19:09.000 What is that?
01:19:10.000 Well, it's a bass and a guitar.
01:19:12.000 Both?
01:19:13.000 Yes, and you play just like the piano.
01:19:15.000 You play it like the piano.
01:19:16.000 Are you a guitarist or a piano player?
01:19:18.000 Bassist.
01:19:19.000 A bassist.
01:19:21.000 See, I ask a dumb question and I get myself in trouble.
01:19:23.000 Excuse me, the last gentleman.
01:19:25.000 This is Mr. Joe Tirano.
01:19:26.000 Joe, nice to have you.
01:19:27.000 Great shot of Matthew Wilder there, camera guy.
01:19:30.000 Yeah, lots of dimes and nickels and quarters, but... He doesn't seem gay.
01:19:35.000 I know, why you... But the movements are like... How do you move like that as a straight guy without feeling like geeky?
01:19:42.000 Remember how Blue Oyster Cult used to dress?
01:19:44.000 And they're straight.
01:19:47.000 Look at this.
01:19:47.000 Let's hear him talk.
01:19:49.000 Oh.
01:19:50.000 You ever get discouraged?
01:19:51.000 Well you should be because this is the last time anyone's ever gonna hear of you.
01:19:57.000 Your stride will be broken.
01:19:59.000 You have one song.
01:20:00.000 You will not keep on moving.
01:20:01.000 You ever think you're just gonna be a one-hit wonder and people will look at you and talk about whether you're gay or not?
01:20:08.000 Do you have a single word of advice for everybody out there who wants to do what you do and thinks that maybe it's easy?
01:20:14.000 Give up.
01:20:15.000 Yeah, just don't let anybody break your stride, you know?
01:20:19.000 Keep clubbing it out there.
01:20:20.000 You know, I think... Oh, yeah.
01:20:25.000 Listen to that, though.
01:20:26.000 It doesn't matter what you want to do.
01:20:27.000 If you hang in there, you... Well, that sounds like an inspirational message.
01:20:30.000 That's enough.
01:20:31.000 But it's true.
01:20:32.000 But it's true.
01:20:34.000 It's illegal to split lanes in Montana!
01:20:39.000 They legalized it today!
01:21:03.000 They legalized it today in Montana.
01:21:05.000 Really?
01:21:06.000 Yeah.
01:21:08.000 Okay.
01:21:09.000 Legalized what?
01:21:10.000 Splitting lanes.
01:21:12.000 Oh.
01:21:12.000 It's legal for me to do this now.
01:21:14.000 Okay.
01:21:14.000 Pretty neat, huh?
01:21:15.000 Be careful.
01:21:16.000 Thanks.
01:21:18.000 Not exactly white people behaving badly, is it?
01:21:21.000 Yeah.
01:21:21.000 Hey!
01:21:22.000 You can't do that!
01:21:23.000 Yeah, I can't today.
01:21:24.000 Okay, have fun out there.
01:21:26.000 Watch yourself.
01:21:27.000 That's my bad.
01:21:27.000 Gotta keep up on the laws.
01:21:30.000 I got busted for that once in the East Village and the cops were like, you mind telling me why you're splitting lanes?
01:21:34.000 I hate the you mind telling me shit.
01:21:38.000 Because I want to get there faster, that's why I have a motorcycle, dude.
01:21:42.000 What do you want me to say to that question?
01:21:51.000 Well that was fucking scary.
01:22:05.000 Okay, no anger.
01:22:08.000 No anger.
01:22:09.000 Let's just take this calmly.
01:22:13.000 Do you think that... This is recording.
01:22:15.000 Is he counting McGregor's accident?
01:22:19.000 Some guy hit him when he was on his bike?
01:22:21.000 No, mate, it's fine, mate.
01:22:22.000 It's fine, man.
01:22:23.000 It's fine.
01:22:24.000 Motorcycle?
01:22:25.000 No, regular bicycle.
01:22:29.000 Do you think this is sprinkles?
01:22:30.000 Can I suggest the sprinkles?
01:22:32.000 Okay, we'll see.
01:22:32.000 What do you think of this?
01:22:35.000 Sucks.
01:22:35.000 It already sucks.
01:22:36.000 It hasn't started.
01:22:37.000 Wait, it's me!
01:22:38.000 I think it's awesome.
01:22:40.000 Okay, well... It's me and the Rowdy Boys.
01:22:43.000 No, no.
01:22:44.000 Okay, here we are.
01:22:46.000 This is how you get free foods from McDonald's, bro.
01:22:49.000 Is that Drew from Compound?
01:22:57.000 Hey you!
01:22:58.000 I think you have something that belongs to me.
01:23:28.000 I'll see you around.
01:23:48.000 I think we may be experiencing a generational gap.
01:23:52.000 You people have been deeply damaged by Adult Swim and Sam Hyde.
01:23:57.000 And I don't understand you anymore.
01:23:59.000 A lot of people have been damaged by Sam Hyde.
01:24:02.000 Let's get into the final video, folks.
01:24:05.000 We're home.
01:24:19.000 You know, earlier with that letter I said, don't worry about being married, just focus on your passions and everything else will fall into place.
01:24:28.000 But then I also told him not to focus on his passion if his passion is being in a band until you're old, because that's dumb.
01:24:37.000 When I say get married, it's sort of like when I say get fired.
01:24:42.000 I obviously don't want you just to go up to the boss and call him the N-word and kick him in the balls until you get fired.
01:24:46.000 What I mean is be yourself, be true to yourself, even if that means trouble at work.
01:24:52.000 If you support Trump and that's taboo at work, you don't have to go in with a MAGA hat, but if it comes up, be like, yeah.
01:24:58.000 I'm a fan.
01:24:59.000 I think he's good for the country.
01:25:02.000 You can't not be you.
01:25:04.000 And if you think you're a woman, that's not you.
01:25:07.000 That's why they kill themselves.
01:25:09.000 But with the marriage thing, I don't mean like go up to girls going, will you marry me?
01:25:13.000 Anyone want kids?
01:25:14.000 Let's do this.
01:25:15.000 That's obviously as absurd as the boss scenario.
01:25:18.000 But you're dating a girl.
01:25:20.000 She's the one.
01:25:21.000 You've been with her for fucking years.
01:25:24.000 Put a ring on it.
01:25:24.000 Stop wasting time.
01:25:27.000 You don't want to be getting married when your parents are so fucking old they don't recognize you.
01:25:34.000 And this is a very touching moment but it's sullied by the takeaway that she seems to have waited a long fucking time because he has no idea who she is.
01:25:44.000 I'm someone very special, okay?
01:25:51.000 I'm a friend.
01:25:57.000 This is gonna be great, okay?
01:25:59.000 This is a very, very special surprise.
01:26:00.000 Okay?
01:26:02.000 Alright, be careful right here.
01:26:03.000 There's a big step.
01:26:04.000 Alright, there you go.
01:26:06.000 Okay?
01:26:06.000 Come here.
01:26:08.000 Yep, yep.
01:26:08.000 I just want you to come right here with me, okay?
01:26:10.000 It's a big day.
01:26:12.000 It's a very big, special day, okay?
01:26:13.000 Can you stand right here for a second, please?
01:26:15.000 Okay.
01:26:18.000 Okay.
01:26:18.000 Look.
01:26:19.000 Yes.
01:26:20.000 There we go.
01:26:21.000 Oh, look at this.
01:26:21.000 Yeah!
01:26:26.000 Okay, look, I have a special surprise for you right here.
01:26:28.000 Okay?
01:26:30.000 Right like this.
01:26:31.000 Yeah, like this.
01:26:33.000 You know, paint?
01:26:35.000 We used to do this, you know, paint?
01:26:37.000 Yeah, you like this?
01:26:39.000 Yeah.
01:26:40.000 Okay.
01:26:42.000 Oh, that looks good.
01:26:43.000 That looks good.
01:26:44.000 All right.
01:26:50.000 We're good to go.
01:27:19.000 So stop wasting time.
01:27:20.000 Because it'll all be over soon.
01:27:24.000 Enjoy yourself while you still can.
01:27:27.000 Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
01:27:40.000 We're good to go.
01:28:07.000 I don't know.