Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - October 06, 2023


GOML S5E06 - THE MURDER THAT KEEPS ON GIVING


Episode Stats

Length

1 hour and 4 minutes

Words per Minute

161.44585

Word Count

10,459

Sentence Count

1,003

Misogynist Sentences

48

Hate Speech Sentences

61


Summary

This week, the boys talk about the new Cops and robbers show on Cops & Robbers, and the new format of the show. They also discuss the new name for the show, and Ryan defends the Pope. And they talk about a new band from Mexico named Descartes Acant. Plus, a new announcement from the Proud Boys UK about their no longer being a thing in the UK, and a call from a guy who thinks Rick Rubin is gay because the Pope had a circus. And a call about a woman who hitchhiked across the Middle East to prove the myth that it's sexist in the Middle Eastern Middle East, and her torso was burned to death. Also, we talk about how to get your hands on a copy of Rick Rubin's new album, and why it's a good thing he didn't produce it. And we make a formal announcement about the fact that the UK Proud Boys are no longer a thing, and that the government doesn t understand what the government is doing about it, despite what they're doing about improving policing in general. Thanks to our sponsor, Patriot1776! Patriots1776 is a company committed to making their products in America. They are privately owned, which means that BlackRock, State Street, and Vanguard can't get a voting interest by owning their interest by making their policies, and forcing ESG and DIE policies, diversity, inclusiveness, and equity. They're making their own decisions, and making it their own. They make their own decision, and they're not putting toxic chemicals into their products and food and food. The company is making it a competitor to Amazon. It's a great solution that can be thought of as a rival to Amazon, and it can t be good. We're good to be good to you more than a friend, when there is an alternative people are who are who, things are that actually should be that, that is that. Things are that . . Plus, we'll be giving you a chance to vote with your dollars when it comes to your family or household's monthly essential spending, and you get a service that could be a great way to get involved in the movement. . . . and we'll give you a discount on our service that makes your money back in the process of making your dollars back in your day-to-day life, too. You get a bunch of stuff you can do better than that.


Transcript

00:00:13.000 Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes!
00:00:51.000 That's a fun band from Mexico called Descartes Acant.
00:00:57.000 That song was after Destruction.
00:00:59.000 No, the album's after Destruction and that was the title track after Destruction.
00:01:04.000 I think?
00:01:05.000 They're cool.
00:01:06.000 Sound kind of like Breeders.
00:01:07.000 They got a concept.
00:01:08.000 You don't see concepts anymore.
00:01:10.000 I haven't seen a look like that since Supernova in the early aughts.
00:01:14.000 It's South by Southwest.
00:01:17.000 Uh, kind of got a Breeders-y vibe.
00:01:20.000 You know, sometimes with foreign bands, they, uh, they're hit or miss.
00:01:25.000 That is a great jam, and I love the aesthetic.
00:01:28.000 Their other big hit from that album, though, doesn't really tickle my tootsies as much.
00:01:35.000 One, two.
00:01:44.000 I like that people are still being weird and organized though.
00:01:47.000 It's good to see.
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00:03:26.000 Okay, so big episode.
00:03:27.000 Today's the free episode.
00:03:29.000 That's why we read ads on it.
00:03:31.000 Major changes going on here with the format based on what I enjoy.
00:03:36.000 And I don't like calls anymore on the Thursday night shows.
00:03:39.000 These cops drive in from sometimes an hour away.
00:03:43.000 They're upstate.
00:03:44.000 They're in Manhattan.
00:03:45.000 They're in the Bronx.
00:03:46.000 I guess the Bronx guy doesn't travel far.
00:03:48.000 Well, he's in Yonkers.
00:03:49.000 It's a bit of a hike.
00:03:52.000 And then we have people calling in saying Rick Rubin didn't produce my record, correct?
00:03:59.000 And the Catholicism is gay because the Pope had a circus there and now we're getting into Ryan defending the Pope and Catholicism on a show called Cops and Robbers.
00:04:08.000 I even regret last night going through all the dead allies.
00:04:12.000 We were initially talking about that guy.
00:04:14.000 What's his name?
00:04:14.000 Ryan Carson?
00:04:16.000 The guy who got stabbed.
00:04:18.000 Yeah.
00:04:20.000 And then we listed, I should have done on this show, we listed all the different people who went somewhere to help someone and their naivete got them killed.
00:04:29.000 The Timothy Treadwells of the hood, if you will.
00:04:33.000 Remember that guy?
00:04:34.000 He went to go hang with the Grizzlies and assumed they'd all be friends and the Grizzlies ate him.
00:04:39.000 And we keep seeing that.
00:04:40.000 I listed last night, I listed about, I don't know, a dozen people who would, like Pippa Becka is my favorite one, where she hitchhiked across the Middle East to disprove the myth that it's sexist over there.
00:04:54.000 She was promptly dismembered, raped to death, and her torso was burned.
00:05:00.000 So that's funny.
00:05:03.000 So from now on the Thursday night shows just gonna be cops and a felon cops and robber Going over cop videos.
00:05:10.000 That's it.
00:05:11.000 We'll do super chats because the super chats are on topic, but the calls from now on Will be 1 p.m.
00:05:18.000 Which starts any second now?
00:05:20.000 this show is pre-taped this live show is pre-taped on Fridays and Then you know it'll air Friday evenings, so it's not really live
00:05:30.000 We have two calls in line already.
00:05:32.000 Oh shit.
00:05:32.000 Okay, well that's gonna be a while before we get to them, but they can hear us talking right now, right?
00:05:36.000 Yeah.
00:05:37.000 So that's a new announcement.
00:05:38.000 I also want to make a formal announcement about Proud Boy UK.
00:05:44.000 Proud Boys UK was a thing.
00:05:47.000 It is no longer a thing.
00:05:48.000 Now it's Proud Boys Britannia.
00:05:51.000 That includes Portugal, Germany, Scotland, Wales, England, and Ireland.
00:05:54.000 This European version of the club is not about rallying.
00:05:58.000 They don't fight Antifa.
00:06:00.000 They have presently been part of zero skirmishes, despite what the police claim.
00:06:05.000 They meet privately and are focused on improving men's lives.
00:06:08.000 For some reason, the British government doesn't understand that and stops the Irish division every time they travel.
00:06:15.000 As the founder of the club and the world's leading expert on their behavior, I'd like to formally let the authorities know Proud Boys Britannia are not a politically active organization and deserve to travel freely anywhere they want to go.
00:06:30.000 That's kind of insidey.
00:06:32.000 I'm doing a book on the Proud Boys and I'm going to make it look like Vice Magazine because if you're doing a book on that club, you should get across how stupid and funny they are.
00:06:44.000 Like you know that speech Ben Stiller gives in Tropic Thunder where he talks about embracing retardation and how he had to really get into it and he was reluctant at first?
00:06:55.000 That's mostly what the club is about.
00:06:58.000 I've never heard anything of any importance at any meeting ever.
00:07:03.000 I heard a good one once they were there at this meeting and this guy was there everyone was doing cocaine the amount of cocaine this club does is mental and no one ever talks about that like mental amounts and like at most meetups there's just lines everywhere like you'll sit down there'll be a line there I can't do it anymore
00:07:22.000 Makes my toes go numb and hurts my liver.
00:07:24.000 But anyway, this guy was like, he was gonna do a line and it didn't look like he was doing a line.
00:07:31.000 And the president of that particular chapter goes, do the line, fed.
00:07:35.000 And he goes, okay, okay, relax.
00:07:37.000 And then he actually does the line and he goes, there, now you're a fed on cocaine.
00:07:41.000 Because that's a myth that cops aren't allowed to do drugs.
00:07:48.000 They can just, if they say, oh, my life was in danger,
00:07:51.000 Shoot up heroin, snort coke, if you're an undercover cop, I mean, or a fed.
00:07:57.000 Speaking of important political moments, we had something on Capitol Hill yesterday that I think I'd like to see a lot more of.
00:08:07.000 Go ahead.
00:08:16.000 He has not called me, and I do not, I do not support you wearing black socks with short pants.
00:08:27.000 Oh shit!
00:08:29.000 Thing made it in there.
00:08:30.000 Oh yeah.
00:08:31.000 Wait, go back to that.
00:08:32.000 How would you, how could you do that?
00:08:34.000 Okay, so if you're being casual cameraman dude, you're not trying to be formal, right?
00:08:39.000 So you could go with Hawaiian shirt,
00:08:44.000 Basically any kind of shorts, but I prefer Filson.
00:08:48.000 I prefer Pendleton.
00:08:51.000 They have really good ones.
00:08:52.000 But if you're wearing a Hawaiian shirt, you got to go plain on the pattern of the shorts.
00:08:57.000 But they should be relatively short shorts.
00:09:01.000 And then with the shoes, low-cut chucks with no socks at all.
00:09:06.000 Now, there have been men who foray into the no-seams version of socks.
00:09:11.000 That's a dangerous area to go, man.
00:09:14.000 It is a little bit more comfortable, I will concede that, but when you really break chucks in, they sort of become hey-dudes.
00:09:23.000 And they don't, your feet don't get all slimy in them.
00:09:28.000 Maybe it's those little holes on the side.
00:09:31.000 And just for the record, people have been asking me if hey dudes are acceptable.
00:09:34.000 The answer's fuck no.
00:09:36.000 Dude, they're one of the worst.
00:09:38.000 How much would you be, what's the minimum you'd be paid to wear them for an entire year?
00:09:42.000 I've tried wearing Verboten for a year?
00:09:45.000 Yes.
00:09:46.000 Oh my god, am I curing cancer?
00:09:47.000 Like three million dollars?
00:09:49.000 Is leukemia over when I'm done?
00:09:55.000 They make me angry when I see it.
00:09:56.000 My uncle wore them, and I was like, dude, we have to talk.
00:09:59.000 I'd be miserable for a year.
00:10:00.000 It would affect my family life.
00:10:01.000 I might end up getting divorced.
00:10:03.000 I'd be so sad.
00:10:04.000 Because of A-Dudes.
00:10:05.000 Yeah, because I'd be grumpy, and I'd be barking at her.
00:10:07.000 I'd be criticizing my wife, and the kids wouldn't want to be around me.
00:10:11.000 I think you're the one who taught me that shoes make the man.
00:10:14.000 I'm sure you didn't make that up, but you're like, really, shoes are kind of important.
00:10:19.000 I was on the platform at Metro North coming into the city the other day.
00:10:25.000 No, Wednesday.
00:10:27.000 And I was just like, I want to just say out loud to all the kids, because all the kids from Fordham, or was it the Bronx subway stop, I just wanted to yell out, I fucking hate your crocs.
00:10:38.000 I hate your flip flops.
00:10:40.000 I hate your hey dudes.
00:10:42.000 I hate your...
00:10:44.000 Ugg slippers.
00:10:47.000 Imagine being a 19 year old man or 20 year old.
00:10:50.000 You're at the peak of your viability.
00:10:54.000 You should be out slaying pussy.
00:10:56.000 And you're wearing sweatpants and Ugg slippers.
00:11:01.000 Like my mom is 80.
00:11:03.000 If she was wearing Ugg slippers at home alone, I'd be like, get your shit together, bitch.
00:11:09.000 Go to the left there.
00:11:10.000 Yeah, it's the ones right directly above me.
00:11:12.000 The black ones.
00:11:14.000 Oh.
00:11:16.000 Those!
00:11:16.000 Yeah, those are bad.
00:11:18.000 A 19-year-old straight white male wearing those at the subway stop in the Bronx.
00:11:26.000 Like some of these guys deserve to get knifed.
00:11:28.000 I'm sorry.
00:11:29.000 I have to admit that I like the men's Uggs Chukka.
00:11:32.000 Yeah, and I hate you.
00:11:33.000 No, I know what you mean, but this is good.
00:11:37.000 No, it is not.
00:11:38.000 I know what you mean by that.
00:11:39.000 No, it's not a subjective opinion.
00:11:42.000 I'm telling you a fact.
00:11:43.000 You wear Crocs, dude.
00:11:44.000 You're not even invited to this conversation.
00:11:47.000 I have- You're fired.
00:11:48.000 Great gibbets.
00:11:49.000 I have great gibbets.
00:11:51.000 Don't judge me by my Crocs.
00:11:52.000 Judge me by my gibbets.
00:11:55.000 Yeah.
00:11:55.000 I do.
00:11:56.000 I do judge you by your gibbets.
00:11:58.000 What's the verdict?
00:11:58.000 And you suck.
00:12:01.000 Painful.
00:12:05.000 Also in the news for what we're doing coming soon battle of the bands So for all you people who are not involved in we're not behind the paywall.
00:12:14.000 We're doing this thing hits per year Is it per year?
00:12:19.000 Yeah, so we look at a band like the Rolling Stones who are fucking amazing obviously they've had about 20 hits but
00:12:27.000 And when we talk about a band's lifespan, we talk about when they started up until when they stopped being good.
00:12:34.000 So yes, the Stones are still around.
00:12:35.000 We're not counting that.
00:12:36.000 We're ending it, I think, undercover of the night.
00:12:39.000 So it ends up being like a hit a year.
00:12:42.000 The Replacements, on the other hand, many more hits per year.
00:12:46.000 Same with who is the other one we've done.
00:12:48.000 We've done three Replacements the who know we didn't get to the who yet Rolling Stones and Van Halen Van Halen more hits because Van Halen were only good with David Lee Roth And you can't count covers, but I was listening to on my cassette deck in my 2000 Jag XJR I was listening to back in black and
00:13:08.000 Dude, I think every single song on that album is a hit.
00:13:11.000 It is, yeah.
00:13:12.000 And the more obscure ones that you'd never hear on the radio are like the best.
00:13:15.000 You know what would have really helped them if they didn't have Thunderstruck?
00:13:18.000 Because then I could have made their career much shorter, but they had a billion billion hits, then they kind of sucked for a while, and then they had Thunderstruck.
00:13:26.000 So that's bad.
00:13:27.000 Because it's going to hurt their per year number of hits.
00:13:31.000 But I think ACDC is going to be mental.
00:13:33.000 The Who I'm not optimistic about
00:13:35.000 I love them, but then we had It's Hard, where there was just Eminence Front, which I'm not even sure I should include.
00:13:42.000 It sounds like a car commercial.
00:13:44.000 The new Ford Excavator.
00:13:51.000 Do-doom-dum-ba-dum-dum.
00:13:52.000 Rack and Pinion Steering.
00:13:55.000 1.4% financing.
00:13:57.000 And then, Led Zeppelin.
00:13:58.000 I think they're gonna fucking blow everyone out of the water.
00:14:01.000 Led?
00:14:01.000 Oh, yeah.
00:14:02.000 I mean, I'm not even a huge Led Zeppelin fan, but they are... I could hate them!
00:14:06.000 They're fantastic.
00:14:07.000 And I'm not gonna, like, fool in the rain.
00:14:10.000 With all-new Rack and Pinion Steering.
00:14:13.000 Get closer to the road with the new Ford Excavator.
00:14:17.000 It does.
00:14:17.000 Yeah.
00:14:18.000 I think I've heard it in commercials.
00:14:21.000 And by the way, if you're a band, you can sell out after we're bored of you.
00:14:26.000 Don't, if you're the Who, like don't do car, don't sell Eminence Front to Cars in 1984, which I think is when that album came out, 83.
00:14:35.000 But now you can play Satisfaction, I don't care if I hear Satisfaction over a Cheez Whiz commercial.
00:14:41.000 Go, it's, you're over, it's awesome.
00:14:43.000 Cash in.
00:14:44.000 Let your grandkids get rich.
00:14:50.000 Jam!
00:14:51.000 If you listen to this song and imagine what it's like for a young black guy to hear this in public, it's pretty insane.
00:14:58.000 What a gay thing to imagine.
00:15:00.000 Well, I was in the gym with tons of blacks and this came on and I was like, I wonder what the fuck they're thinking about this song right now.
00:15:06.000 They're like, well?
00:15:09.000 I don't see you dancing.
00:15:10.000 Pretty cool, huh?
00:15:13.000 They had so many versions of The Who.
00:15:16.000 Wait, stop playing that.
00:15:17.000 We're free, so this is gonna get banned now.
00:15:18.000 Oh yeah, duh.
00:15:20.000 They were the mods.
00:15:21.000 They started out as an art experiment of these managers Lambert and Stamp, back when managers decided what you do, which is why Joe Strummer kicked McJones out of the class, because Bernie Rhodes told him to.
00:15:33.000 And then they kind of died.
00:15:35.000 And then they had, I think they had Jimi Hendrix, they opened for Jimi Hendrix or vice versa.
00:15:41.000 Yeah, they had Jimi Hendrix open for them, and then he took over and they opened for him, and then they were back.
00:15:47.000 So, the Who might suck, as far as hits per year.
00:15:53.000 Also coming up, some new t-shirts.
00:15:55.000 I heart Karens.
00:15:57.000 I used to hate Karens.
00:15:59.000 And now, I think we're all like, at least someone gives a shit about society.
00:16:04.000 And yeah, do you have the right to fish here?
00:16:06.000 And yeah, should you be swimming here?
00:16:08.000 Are you a resident?
00:16:11.000 Cleaning up society because we can't.
00:16:14.000 We're either too scared or we don't want to get fucking arrested, thrown in jail.
00:16:19.000 No one can, they, you can't arrest women for some reason.
00:16:22.000 So yeah, we love Karens.
00:16:23.000 And then beer.
00:16:26.000 Just beer.
00:16:29.000 That's funny.
00:16:30.000 I also want to, what do you think of this one?
00:16:31.000 Mega extremist.
00:16:35.000 Oh, is this your thinking posture?
00:16:38.000 Yes, I'm thinking.
00:16:40.000 Why do you do that?
00:16:40.000 It's good.
00:16:41.000 Applies pressure?
00:16:42.000 Does it help blood get to the brain?
00:16:44.000 Yeah, and so in ancient China, there's a secret.
00:16:48.000 Oh wait, there's my little, there we go.
00:16:51.000 There's a pressure point.
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00:17:13.000 Purpleworks Pre-Workout uses only the highest quality ingredients, creatine for strength, caffeine and green tea extract for energy and focus, vitamins for muscle and tissue repair, and carnosine beta-alanine for the tingles.
00:17:24.000 That's when, after you take it, you get these sort of tingles in your hands.
00:17:28.000 And I tell you, it gives you second wind.
00:17:30.000 You know what I realized lying in bed this morning?
00:17:33.000 I can remember my previous workouts perfectly.
00:17:35.000 Is that like an idiot savant?
00:17:37.000 Well, I don't know, because I think it's easy to remember something that your whole body was engaged in doing.
00:17:42.000 That's a dumb theory.
00:17:44.000 So curls, 15.
00:17:46.000 Then I went over to the bench, did 15 bench presses.
00:17:51.000 Then there were these things where you squat and you pull them in.
00:17:53.000 15 of those.
00:17:55.000 Then we walk over.
00:17:57.000 It's a minute on the bike.
00:17:58.000 Then I walk over and it is 15 of these.
00:18:01.000 I guess they're sort of like front flies.
00:18:04.000 And then it was 15 sissy squats with a kettlebell.
00:18:14.000 And then we start again.
00:18:18.000 I remembered all that.
00:18:19.000 Is that incredibly impressive?
00:18:22.000 I can... Are you blown away?
00:18:23.000 I'm not.
00:18:24.000 Okay.
00:18:25.000 Because I can remember like the reps, the amount of rests in between, but I don't know.
00:18:32.000 I don't think you're there yet.
00:18:33.000 Yeah, you know what it is?
00:18:34.000 I think, uh, you know when you're half asleep, you think of something and you're like, that's fucking amazing, man.
00:18:40.000 You're a genius.
00:18:41.000 The epiphany hours?
00:18:42.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:18:43.000 And then, like, when I was completely fast asleep and I thought the funniest thing in the world is how many people want money, and then the answer is eight.
00:18:51.000 What's weird is I get that.
00:18:51.000 I thought, that's gonna be t-shirts, bumper stickers, we nailed it.
00:18:56.000 Dream me can imagine how that is hilarious.
00:18:59.000 Like it's the funniest thing in the world.
00:19:01.000 I've made up things just like that before.
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00:19:45.000 Purpleworks!
00:19:46.000 Purpleworks!
00:19:55.000 I was gonna save this for the LGBTQ segment of the show which we're not doing today.
00:20:02.000 Today by the way it's gonna be we'll do fun little silly things like what to wear if you're filming Congress people and then we'll take calls and we'll go behind the paywall maybe a call or two in and then we'll just take calls for the remaining hour.
00:20:18.000 So that's that's kind of a better vibe isn't it?
00:20:21.000 We hang with the... Friday hanging with the baby monsties.
00:20:24.000 That is cool.
00:20:25.000 Yeah.
00:20:26.000 It sort of gets you into the zone for the weekend.
00:20:29.000 For the weekend!
00:20:31.000 I just can't wait!
00:20:32.000 I don't know what the quality of the calls would be because most of the people would have to be unemployed.
00:20:38.000 Right.
00:20:39.000 Or they sneak away on their lunch break or whatever.
00:20:41.000 But also, I don't mind that.
00:20:43.000 I used to mind that.
00:20:44.000 But the problem with the Thursday calls is we have like a hundred.
00:20:47.000 Yeah.
00:20:48.000 And people wait for an hour and then they don't get on.
00:20:51.000 So supply and demand.
00:20:52.000 It's too much supply.
00:20:55.000 Too much demand.
00:20:57.000 Not enough cop topics.
00:20:58.000 There have been some good calls relating cops, relating to cops, but yeah.
00:21:02.000 Well, I had buddies texting me going, hey, I was on hold forever and I was going to tell you a great story about the dude from Biohazard because we talked to him last night.
00:21:11.000 What's his name?
00:21:12.000 Evan Seinfeld.
00:21:14.000 And then some other person had a great cop story about a cop impersonator they couldn't get through.
00:21:18.000 So I said, call back today.
00:21:19.000 See what I'm, you know what I could do?
00:21:21.000 I should do.
00:21:22.000 I'll let you know, I'll find out some way to tell you what the screeners say.
00:21:26.000 So if they say cop story, I'll text you that, I'll be like, these are your options if you want to pick one.
00:21:30.000 That's how you used to be able to do it at Compound Media, remember?
00:21:32.000 You could see what they were calling about.
00:21:34.000 Yeah.
00:21:34.000 So I think we should introduce that.
00:21:36.000 Maybe you could screen call, well, the problem with like last night's calls too is like, I always thought a solution to screening is iScreen.
00:21:43.000 So this guy comes on, he goes, I want to talk about Christianity.
00:21:45.000 You're like, thanks for calling.
00:21:47.000 Right.
00:21:47.000 And he's gone.
00:21:48.000 Oh, and that's funnier.
00:21:50.000 I see.
00:21:50.000 I see.
00:21:51.000 Yeah.
00:21:53.000 Another also in very important news.
00:21:56.000 I've reached a tipping point, folks.
00:22:00.000 Food sucks.
00:22:01.000 Now we're in the Bronx.
00:22:02.000 Food sucks around here, obviously.
00:22:04.000 But I don't know.
00:22:05.000 I'm still deeply hurt by the Chipotle.
00:22:10.000 Where we had to, I got through it as like a, I felt like I was a green beret and I had, you know, war paint on and I was under a tree.
00:22:20.000 We're going to go assassinate someone.
00:22:22.000 And I was just eating for calories.
00:22:23.000 So I wouldn't, you know, pass out.
00:22:26.000 Uh, and you know what I did yesterday?
00:22:29.000 I went home and I made a hamburger by myself on the grill at like four.
00:22:35.000 It was fucking amazing.
00:22:37.000 It is the, it's the making of the food that made it amazing.
00:22:40.000 Or it really was amazing.
00:22:43.000 It really tasted amazing.
00:22:45.000 It was not that fun cutting cheese.
00:22:47.000 Although John was doing it all last night.
00:22:50.000 So I think we're gonna have to start preparing our lunches.
00:22:54.000 Like moms.
00:22:57.000 I'm going to start making like, I'm going to go buy, I don't know, tangerines.
00:23:01.000 I've never bought tangerines in my life, but I'm going to start, start having a lunch box with like a thermos and maybe soup.
00:23:08.000 I don't know.
00:23:09.000 An apple?
00:23:10.000 An apple, a roast beef sandwich.
00:23:13.000 Like at 10 PM, where will you find me?
00:23:16.000 In the kitchen with some mustard.
00:23:20.000 I like that idea.
00:23:21.000 Trust me.
00:23:22.000 I've never had a sandwich that's 15 hours old.
00:23:29.000 Really?
00:23:30.000 Yes, I have.
00:23:30.000 Yeah, of course.
00:23:32.000 They're fine.
00:23:32.000 Little soggy.
00:23:33.000 I think they're better.
00:23:35.000 Yeah, especially on a hero where you like the the vinaigrette like goes into the bread.
00:23:40.000 You bring that to the beach.
00:23:42.000 It's still wrapped up in the wax paper.
00:23:44.000 Bring that to the beach.
00:23:45.000 Yep.
00:23:46.000 What beach?
00:23:47.000 Orchard Beach?
00:23:48.000 Oh, better beach.
00:23:50.000 Like Long Island.
00:23:52.000 Okay.
00:23:52.000 Bring it to that beach and it's good.
00:23:54.000 What a strange fantasy to want to put your sandwich near sand.
00:23:57.000 Well no, my best memory of a sandwich happened to be at a beach.
00:24:00.000 I got it from a deli and we waited.
00:24:02.000 You know how like when you get a sandwich and you're intending to eat it in the future and it's just so hard?
00:24:06.000 You're just like, we could just open the sandwiches now.
00:24:10.000 And you gotta wait.
00:24:11.000 You gotta wait.
00:24:12.000 Well you're like blacks.
00:24:13.000 You guys are not good at delayed gratification.
00:24:15.000 That's true.
00:24:17.000 Us white people, we could wait till the sandwich dies of old age.
00:24:21.000 That's sad.
00:24:22.000 Speaking of dying of old age, I was talking to someone who had a bypass, just like Anthony did, and they go, you gotta understand, this isn't like cancer, where you're worse and worse, and then you fight it with some chemo, and then you get kinda better, and then two years later it comes back, and then you die.
00:24:40.000 Unless you get more chemo, and then you might buy another two years.
00:24:43.000 It's like replacing an engine in a car.
00:24:47.000 So yeah, it sucks for the first week to recover, and then you're fucking rocking.
00:24:52.000 Givinger.
00:24:54.000 So I think Anthony's going to be on fire when he finally gets back.
00:24:58.000 I don't know if he's going to make it to these shows though.
00:25:01.000 Will he make it to Dallas?
00:25:02.000 Probably Dallas.
00:25:03.000 Nashville is next week.
00:25:06.000 That's hit or miss.
00:25:08.000 Somebody in the comments says he'll be resting at home until Christmas, but I don't know.
00:25:14.000 How the fuck do they know?
00:25:15.000 I don't know.
00:25:16.000 Last night, Matty, who's the heart expert of the world, said he'll be walking around in a week.
00:25:26.000 So they say he got his from his arms.
00:25:29.000 Ugh.
00:25:30.000 Isn't that cool that God gave you extra veins?
00:25:33.000 That is pretty cool.
00:25:34.000 It's like when you get an Ikea coffee table and there's like two or three screws, just in case.
00:25:38.000 Yeah.
00:25:39.000 You fuck up.
00:25:42.000 But yeah, put up that, while we're in front of the paywall, put up that sensor.tv slash tour.
00:25:50.000 You can see all the dates there.
00:25:52.000 Dallas is two fucking days.
00:25:56.000 So that's something.
00:25:59.000 I did not realize that.
00:26:01.000 Because it just says Friday, October 20th, but you plus one more event and that's the Saturday event.
00:26:06.000 Nashville, which I'm really looking forward to, is just Saturday night.
00:26:11.000 That's going to be epic.
00:26:13.000 Even if Anthony can't make it, I'm going to do like a comedy special.
00:26:17.000 With all my best shit, and I'll do probably an hour, maybe an hour and a half.
00:26:22.000 I got a lot of funny shit to talk about.
00:26:24.000 And the beauty of these tours is, every time you see comedy these days, they're careful about being racist, or sexist, or homophobic.
00:26:31.000 I'm not.
00:26:33.000 I'm already cancelled.
00:26:35.000 My set is replete with N-words.
00:26:38.000 And the F-A-G-G-O-T word, faggot.
00:26:41.000 But the audience is not.
00:26:45.000 Well there are some n-words who occasionally work there and I'll notice when I'm doing my set I see them go and that's wildly uncomfortable.
00:26:56.000 Speaking of faggots I yeah where is it yeah one four
00:27:03.000 I know you look at this and you go, what is going on?
00:27:06.000 Like, what is this?
00:27:07.000 What's happening?
00:27:08.000 I'll tell you what's happening.
00:27:11.000 We wanted the workforce to get more diverse.
00:27:13.000 There weren't enough black people applying for the jobs.
00:27:16.000 So we changed the word minority to include women.
00:27:21.000 And women now run half of everything, especially in politics.
00:27:27.000 And what do they do?
00:27:28.000 They hire homos.
00:27:29.000 Why do they hire homos?
00:27:31.000 Because they like their outfits and they think it makes me mad.
00:27:35.000 You mad.
00:27:36.000 Ryan mad.
00:27:37.000 Dad's mad.
00:27:38.000 They're trying to make dads mad.
00:27:39.000 Their own dad.
00:27:40.000 Their husbands.
00:27:41.000 They're doing it out of spite.
00:27:43.000 So much of modern politics is just spite.
00:27:46.000 And they are, they are effectively, they're doing it.
00:27:49.000 I am mad.
00:27:50.000 But I'm not mad because I don't like homos.
00:27:53.000 I'm mad because you're throwing homos everywhere just to spite me.
00:27:57.000 It's like the Drag Queen Story Hour stuff we were talking about last week.
00:28:01.000 I'm not mad because drag queens are around.
00:28:03.000 Drag queens have always been around.
00:28:04.000 I'm mad because you're making kids vulnerable by choosing a disproportionately dangerous group when it comes to child sex, and you're putting them in front of kids just to fuck with me.
00:28:16.000 You understand?
00:28:17.000 You think I'm mad because I'm like, oh no, a drag queen!
00:28:20.000 Never heard of that before!
00:28:21.000 Oh no, Mrs. Doubtfire's here!
00:28:25.000 No, dude.
00:28:26.000 Et.
00:28:27.000 I'm mad that you're doing... What is his job?
00:28:31.000 The spokesperson for the Secretary of the Interior or some shit?
00:28:36.000 Meet the Queer Spokesperson for the Interior.
00:28:39.000 What does that even mean?
00:28:41.000 What's the U.S.
00:28:42.000 Department of the Interior?
00:28:45.000 Is he a queer person who is the spokesperson?
00:28:48.000 Or is he one of the many spokespeople and he handles the queer department?
00:28:55.000 The second one isn't as bad as the first one.
00:28:59.000 But why if the second one exists, why does it exist?
00:29:04.000 U.S.
00:29:04.000 Department of the Interior.
00:29:05.000 What the fuck is that?
00:29:06.000 They handle all the parks?
00:29:09.000 So he tells you about gays in the Grand Canyon?
00:29:13.000 Why don't you ask Islam what they want to do to gays in the Grand Canyon?
00:29:17.000 That should be his priority.
00:29:19.000 Anyway, get back to this guy.
00:29:21.000 Not only do they choose homosexuals, but they choose the most annoying ones.
00:29:26.000 And my heart goes out to the normal gays out there, gays against groomers, gays for Trump, cool gays.
00:29:32.000 You must be seeing this going, what the fuck are they doing to our brand?
00:29:37.000 Zoom in on the top two there.
00:29:38.000 Let's go down them one, two by two.
00:29:40.000 Well, let's not go down on one, please.
00:29:45.000 The top left picture, you look fucking retarded.
00:29:49.000 That dress, that top, is meant to accentuate bosoms.
00:29:53.000 Also, the sloping shoulders accentuate the fact that women have smaller shoulders than men.
00:29:59.000 You, on the other hand, have been gifted with linebacker shoulders that you should be very proud of, but that doesn't go with that dress.
00:30:07.000 It's
00:30:24.000 Traits.
00:30:26.000 And women are attracted to things that they can't do.
00:30:29.000 And so men are attracted to long hair.
00:30:32.000 Women can grow hair longer than men.
00:30:34.000 They're attracted to high heel shoes because it elongates the leg and pushes out their asses and they have bigger asses than us.
00:30:40.000 Women don't grow mustaches like that so they like it when we have facial hair.
00:30:44.000 When you mix it you just look retarded.
00:30:47.000 Like those guys look in the top right.
00:30:48.000 Hold on.
00:30:50.000 They look comical.
00:30:52.000 Looks like Reno 911.
00:30:54.000 Yeah!
00:30:57.000 Like, does anyone think that's beautiful?
00:31:00.000 Let's take the gayness out of it.
00:31:02.000 Well, actually we can't.
00:31:03.000 Because if you take the gayness out of it, it's just hilarious.
00:31:06.000 It's just like two guys in the FDNY trying to make their buddies laugh.
00:31:14.000 See, that's why I wanted to bring this up.
00:31:16.000 Look at the left there.
00:31:17.000 That's a club thing.
00:31:18.000 Now, the club thing, the New York thing, I kind of, I'm not going to say like it, but I get that.
00:31:25.000 It's a parody of beauty.
00:31:27.000 It's like we're freaks.
00:31:28.000 The freaks come out at night.
00:31:29.000 We're in New York City.
00:31:30.000 It's four in the morning.
00:31:31.000 Our parents haven't spoken to us in 20 years.
00:31:35.000 We're like mutants.
00:31:35.000 We're aliens.
00:31:37.000 That I get.
00:31:38.000 That kind of belongs there.
00:31:41.000 Like we're fucking freaks.
00:31:42.000 Fuck you.
00:31:43.000 It's kind of punk rock.
00:31:44.000 It's kind of like glam New York dolls.
00:31:46.000 Like that makes sense.
00:31:47.000 That's cool.
00:31:48.000 Being like quaint at a wedding is idiotic.
00:31:53.000 And go to the bottom?
00:31:55.000 I thought they were both bottoms.
00:31:57.000 I think that's a problem in the gay community.
00:31:59.000 That looks like Brandon fucking man.
00:32:01.000 It's a Brandon Buckingham joke.
00:32:04.000 Even his glasses are annoying.
00:32:06.000 Who's Brandon Buckingham from Fleetwood Mac?
00:32:09.000 Remember the guy that did the Streeter stuff and he's better than Andrew who sucks and cucked out?
00:32:15.000 This dude.
00:32:15.000 Oy vey.
00:32:17.000 Okay, let's get to the murder that keeps on giving.
00:32:21.000 We've discussed this every show all week.
00:32:25.000 This political activist who likes to laugh at things like Rush Limbaugh dying.
00:32:31.000 Now we're Christians, we don't like to laugh at death.
00:32:34.000 But when you laugh at death, all bets are off.
00:32:38.000 So here he is Ryan Thornton Carson In that frame above he's about to get stabbed in the neck now I thought it looked like he got slit in the juggler and then stabbed in the face But reports say the stabbing was in the chest.
00:32:51.000 This is Timothy Treadwell.
00:32:53.000 This is dr. Doolittle thinking he can talk to the animals and When Rush Limbaugh dies tragically of horrific cancer this guy wants to say that he's laughing his ass off and
00:33:05.000 And, hell yeah.
00:33:08.000 Hell, of course, spelt wrong because he's irreverent.
00:33:14.000 I wonder what their GoFundMe is up to.
00:33:15.000 It was up to about 70 grand last night.
00:33:17.000 It's probably plateaued.
00:33:18.000 The daughter, the daughter.
00:33:19.000 The girlfriend, of course, didn't help with the police, with the suspect, Brian something.
00:33:27.000 This is his previous account, Death Cab for Cohen.
00:33:31.000 Look I know I'm beating my own dead horse here but from seeing comrades there are certain red flags kiddos is a big one comrades is a doozy but let's have a conversation is a biggie but from seeing comrades throw things back at cops tonight leftists absolutely need to get into sports if for no other reason
00:33:52.000 So they can throw something without hitting their comrades.
00:33:56.000 Terrible grammar.
00:33:57.000 Fucking, he's illiterate.
00:33:59.000 And she is, I fucking hate her guts.
00:34:03.000 I think she's an evil human being.
00:34:04.000 I think she's disgusting.
00:34:06.000 She's also very attractive.
00:34:08.000 I'm not blind.
00:34:10.000 And that is my type.
00:34:12.000 So who knows?
00:34:13.000 My wife dies in a car accident and I say, hell yeah, I may go courting her.
00:34:19.000 Uh,
00:34:21.000 Hi, political organizer here.
00:34:23.000 It's not bullying to hold elected officials accountable.
00:34:25.000 That's fair.
00:34:26.000 That being said, I would love to shove this little fucker, this little fucking nerd in the locker where he belongs.
00:34:32.000 Oh, okay.
00:34:34.000 Then Zach Beauchamp, I don't know who that is, but I would wager he's just a sane liberal.
00:34:41.000 Part of the 2% of sane liberals out there.
00:34:43.000 I'm sorry, but abolish the police seems like a poorly thought out idea that's gotten popular with shocking speed.
00:34:49.000 Very succinct.
00:34:51.000 Good grammar, I don't think you need that comma, but great point.
00:34:56.000 And then he goes, read a book bro.
00:34:59.000 So the guy's already fucking annoying.
00:35:01.000 And then we have...
00:35:03.000 What if this is the book you read?
00:35:06.000 The McDonald's War on Cops.
00:35:07.000 Dude, that book is so fucking good.
00:35:10.000 Don't open a Pandora's box by bringing up a whole new show.
00:35:14.000 I should do a whole show on that book.
00:35:15.000 The War on Cops.
00:35:16.000 You know, one of my favorite parts of that book is she goes to the hood and talks to people.
00:35:22.000 Zoom out, guy.
00:35:23.000 I feel like a fly.
00:35:27.000 And she hangs out with with dudes in the hood I mean she's not she doesn't embed herself with gangs, but she goes door-to-door in the sunlight and She comes across these black kids that are don't want anything to do with murder and death and gangs and they work at like Best Buy and GameStop and they get home before dark and they just stay inside they're in the basement playing video games and they live and
00:35:53.000 And no one ever talks, no one ever pays attention to that group.
00:35:56.000 The black kids that don't want trouble and aren't gangstas.
00:35:59.000 Like the black kids who were trying to talk Trayvon Martin out of his tough gangsta path he was going on before he picked a fight with George Zimmerman.
00:36:08.000 That's an interesting demographic.
00:36:11.000 You want to talk about like blacks are afraid of cops.
00:36:14.000 They're probably afraid to like walk to the bodega at St.
00:36:16.000 Andrew Street in Brooklyn.
00:36:18.000 They didn't say they were afraid of cops.
00:36:20.000 White liberals in academia said they're afraid of cops.
00:36:22.000 And then rich mulattoes like Bill de Blasio's son said they're afraid of cops.
00:36:27.000 The ones that the regular black kids are afraid of are afraid of cops.
00:36:32.000 Well, you don't look very afraid of cops when you scream on GD To cops faces on gangster disciples and give them the finger and pour water on them.
00:36:41.000 You don't look that scared What is there another one there?
00:36:47.000 Third precinct is being destroyed.
00:36:49.000 This is really good.
00:36:51.000 Okay Is that all of them?
00:36:55.000 Yeah, they weren't around They weren't around when you were stabbed in the chest
00:37:03.000 I guarantee you, if we could talk to his ghost, he would say, we don't know what that kid was going through, and I forgive him.
00:37:09.000 Please don't press charges.
00:37:10.000 Right.
00:37:12.000 What's 1-8 there?
00:37:13.000 There's more of this shit?
00:37:15.000 I'm telling you, it's the murder that keeps on giving.
00:37:17.000 Oh, this guy?
00:37:18.000 I don't think this is the same guy.
00:37:21.000 But, uh... Go up?
00:37:24.000 Are you sure you got all the pictures from the previous one?
00:37:27.000 From the slideshow?
00:37:28.000 Let me see, uh...
00:37:28.000 Yeah.
00:37:30.000 Yes.
00:37:31.000 Okay.
00:37:32.000 With all them slides.
00:37:34.000 He has a write-up though, and you know.
00:37:37.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:37:37.000 We don't need the write-up.
00:37:40.000 But I like this.
00:37:41.000 Oh, it's all the way up here.
00:37:43.000 Oh, wait.
00:37:44.000 Oh.
00:37:47.000 Well.
00:37:48.000 Oh, he's crying?
00:37:49.000 Yeah, that's kind of messed up.
00:37:51.000 Zoom in on that.
00:37:52.000 Yeah, those are tears, dude.
00:37:55.000 Holy shit.
00:37:59.000 That kind of puts things into perspective.
00:38:02.000 I didn't know he was going to be crying.
00:38:04.000 I will say that what happened with the guy who got stabbed, it is ironic and stuff, but in no way did I want to disparage him because I thought he'd be laughing or something.
00:38:21.000 I think we might have to stop the show.
00:38:24.000 Yeah, we could take a break.
00:38:35.000 I think Ryan and I would like to apologize.
00:38:47.000 We had no idea that he was that upset.
00:38:51.000 We now agree with Ryan Carson in that we don't think that guy should be punished.
00:38:56.000 We think he's suffered enough.
00:38:59.000 Poor bastard's bawling.
00:39:00.000 I haven't been this upset since I saw Rudy Fleming had a stomachache after he killed Nicole Dufresne and he was taken away.
00:39:08.000 Let me just look at the poor guy.
00:39:11.000 I'd like to make a formal apology to Brian and his ilk.
00:39:17.000 Oh my God.
00:39:18.000 Brian, I can only take so much.
00:39:20.000 He's crying there too?
00:39:21.000 Yep.
00:39:23.000 Leave this poor bastard alone.
00:39:26.000 He's suffered enough.
00:39:30.000 Look, he's got paint all over his pants.
00:39:32.000 He's probably an artist.
00:39:34.000 Or maybe he works a painting job.
00:39:36.000 Contracted stop and shop.
00:39:38.000 Maybe he works a painting job for the children's hospital for free.
00:39:42.000 And he does only the burn ward.
00:39:44.000 Maybe he was trying to paint the sidewalk with this lad's essence.
00:39:51.000 Wow.
00:39:53.000 Let him go.
00:39:55.000 Let him go?
00:39:55.000 How much suffering should he endure?
00:39:58.000 He's crying.
00:39:59.000 He feels bad.
00:40:00.000 I formally apologize to everyone out there for shitting on this guy.
00:40:06.000 I assumed he was like, whatever.
00:40:08.000 I know he's crying.
00:40:09.000 1-7 from the comments.
00:40:16.000 I don't think this is the same guy.
00:40:19.000 Imagine someone knocked you out on the subway.
00:40:21.000 This is one of the guys who was knocking out Asians.
00:40:24.000 How would you feel?
00:40:25.000 But no one did knock me out on the subway.
00:40:27.000 I understand.
00:40:28.000 But if someone did knock you out, how would that make you feel?
00:40:32.000 Oh, get it.
00:40:32.000 No one knocked me out on the subway.
00:40:34.000 We're going way beyond idiocracy here.
00:40:37.000 How would you feel if you didn't eat breakfast today?
00:40:40.000 Why am I in trouble?
00:40:43.000 Well, a knockout is bad.
00:40:44.000 And then the judge is like, you know knockouts are bad, right?
00:40:47.000 Have you ever been knocked out?
00:40:49.000 No one knocked me out!
00:40:50.000 Status confirmed.
00:40:59.000 All right, let's take some calls.
00:41:01.000 Do we have calls waiting?
00:41:02.000 We do, we have a bunch.
00:41:04.000 Oh, good.
00:41:04.000 I think we have 20.
00:41:05.000 See, that's what I meant about the supply and demand.
00:41:09.000 I'm gonna do a couple more stories.
00:41:12.000 This is a fucking loser.
00:41:14.000 You want me to learn?
00:41:16.000 Share?
00:41:16.000 Listen?
00:41:16.000 Understand?
00:41:17.000 Why?
00:41:18.000 Hey, why does everyone get two things?
00:41:19.000 You have one thing.
00:41:21.000 Thank you for calling.
00:41:22.000 It was great hearing from you.
00:41:24.000 Alright, next call.
00:41:25.000 You kind of jumped the gun on that, bro.
00:41:27.000 Sorry.
00:41:27.000 I had three more stories, and then I was going to talk about Nita Fashions.
00:41:32.000 Which I'm wearing now.
00:41:34.000 Look how great this... It's like a superhero suit.
00:41:38.000 It's very thick wool, though, so I can only wear it in the colder months.
00:41:43.000 You know, our bill... Okay, I thought I had it.
00:41:47.000 I spent time crossing out all our addresses on our Con Ed bill, but whatever.
00:41:52.000 You don't need to see it.
00:41:52.000 Just trust me.
00:41:53.000 It's $1,900.
00:41:55.000 Let's just do the math on that, shall we?
00:41:57.000 1,900 divided by 30.
00:41:58.000 $63 a day.
00:42:08.000 $63.
00:42:09.000 I just want you to know that all of these lights are LED.
00:42:12.000 Touch them with your hand.
00:42:13.000 You will not burn your hand.
00:42:14.000 Just monitors.
00:42:15.000 They use up basically zero electricity.
00:42:17.000 Touch your computers, Ryan.
00:42:19.000 Touch the TriCaster.
00:42:20.000 I bet it's not even fucking warm.
00:42:22.000 No, it's cold to the touch.
00:42:24.000 So the lights are nothing.
00:42:26.000 The computers are nothing.
00:42:27.000 TV studios in 2023 don't take up any electricity.
00:42:31.000 Now, August was hot.
00:42:32.000 We used the HVAC.
00:42:33.000 Okay.
00:42:33.000 So I talked to the super and he goes,
00:42:35.000 Oh my God, I didn't know it was 63.
00:42:38.000 That hit me like a fucking knockout game.
00:42:43.000 I talked to the super and he goes, it's all your HVAC.
00:42:46.000 And I go, okay.
00:42:47.000 Well, it's off right now.
00:42:49.000 And Ryan and I are going to keep heating and AC off for the next 30 days.
00:42:56.000 Actually, our cycle starts on the 12th.
00:42:58.000 So starting October 12th to November 12th, we are not going to touch the HVAC.
00:43:03.000 Okay?
00:43:04.000 If we have to work in parkas, we work in parkas.
00:43:08.000 And I hereby guarantee you, it will go from 63 to like fuckin' 59.
00:43:16.000 It will not be a drastic change.
00:43:17.000 No.
00:43:19.000 At which point, we gotta do something, man.
00:43:22.000 I don't know what, man.
00:43:23.000 Start a fire.
00:43:24.000 We gotta fuckin' punch Con Ed in the face, man.
00:43:28.000 I'm gonna start a fire!
00:43:29.000 Because we're getting ripped off.
00:43:34.000 Um, and I'm happy to break the law.
00:43:36.000 If we can find an outlet, we'll get some extension cords and just steal electricity.
00:43:41.000 Or there, yeah, like leave the door cracked so that way any other heating from the hallway might come in.
00:43:46.000 Steal the air, it's next door.
00:43:47.000 Yeah, pump it in.
00:43:48.000 Dude, you know what we could do?
00:43:51.000 At night, we open our back door and we just have, oh no, then the fans would, no, we use their,
00:43:57.000 We use their outlets for box fans and all night long their heat is pouring in here and then when we get in early, we gotta get in fucking early because they get in early, we take the box fans in and close the door, seal it up.
00:44:15.000 I like that idea.
00:44:17.000 Sorry guys.
00:44:20.000 Um, Nita Fashions.
00:44:22.000 That's where I get my suits from.
00:44:24.000 Sponsor the show for a million years.
00:44:27.000 It's the official sponsor of all Baby Monster's weddings.
00:44:30.000 There's no- I don't think there's been a Baby Monster that didn't have a Nita Fashions wedding.
00:44:33.000 But Gavin, they're in Hong Kong!
00:44:35.000 Well, they make the suits there and they ship them to you, but Gavin...
00:44:38.000 They can't measure me.
00:44:40.000 Well, you can contact them on their Instagram account, whatever, and they'll set up an appointment with you, and you get one of those Taylor, like Taylor Swift things, no, you get one of those Taylor measuring tapes, the floppy ones, get them on Amazon, whatever, and then you get measured.
00:44:54.000 It's a great way to meet a girl, too.
00:44:56.000 If you guys first start dating, she's measuring you, she's measuring your inseam, you jizz all over her.
00:45:02.000 No, don't do that.
00:45:04.000 Uh, but Gavin, I'd rather meet them in person.
00:45:06.000 You're a very high-maintenance dude.
00:45:08.000 But okay, we can do that too.
00:45:11.000 I'm meeting them here on their New York trip.
00:45:14.000 Go to their calendar.
00:45:15.000 You may have missed them.
00:45:17.000 Uh, if you were in, what, San Diego or something?
00:45:21.000 They just finished California.
00:45:22.000 And now they are in Denver, from the 4th to the 6th.
00:45:26.000 Seattle, Washington, from the 7th to the 8th.
00:45:29.000 They're in Houston, Texas, the 9th to the 11th.
00:45:33.000 They're in Dallas, Texas, the 12th to the 14th.
00:45:36.000 Austin, Texas, 15th.
00:45:38.000 Wait, when are they in New York?
00:45:44.000 I've missed this appointment so many times, I suck at appointments.
00:45:47.000 October 16th, New York, October 18th to the 23rd, Boston the 25th to the 27th, Chicago the 28th to the 31st, Washington D.C.
00:45:52.000 the 1st to the 3rd, and New Jersey the 5th to the 8th.
00:46:03.000 Can't recommend it enough.
00:46:05.000 Even if you're not a suit guy, even if you're a blue-collar welder, you need something for weddings and funerals, have a tailored suit.
00:46:11.000 I tell everyone, I come home, I don't take my suit off and slip into fucking basketball shorts because I'm so uncomfortable.
00:46:16.000 I go to my kids' baseball games like this.
00:46:19.000 It feels great.
00:46:20.000 It's PJs.
00:46:21.000 I'm actually more uncomfortable in jeans and flannels sometimes than this.
00:46:25.000 This fits me absolutely perfectly.
00:46:29.000 Look at this.
00:46:31.000 Like it couldn't be better.
00:46:33.000 Look at the cuffs.
00:46:37.000 All right, last couple things before the calls.
00:46:40.000 Did you mention how they have your measurements and you can get whatever shirts you want?
00:46:43.000 Oh, good point.
00:46:43.000 Yeah, once they measure you, unless you get super fat or super skinny, you just go, hey, I like this.
00:46:48.000 You can have them send you textiles.
00:46:51.000 And you can be like, what about a suit in this?
00:46:52.000 They go, that's kind of crazy, buddy.
00:46:55.000 Like he had a jacket, this kind of like fuzzy jacket, like a peak, like a winter coat.
00:47:00.000 And I'm like, what about a suit in that?
00:47:02.000 And he goes, that's crazy, man.
00:47:04.000 You can't do that.
00:47:05.000 Maybe a blazer we could talk about, but pants, you want like fur pants for a suit?
00:47:11.000 Yes, I do.
00:47:13.000 Okay, done.
00:47:15.000 What about this picture of Jesse James from the 1800s?
00:47:19.000 No, that's corduroy.
00:47:21.000 I have that, basically it's a fur suit.
00:47:24.000 Well, which one is it, corduroy?
00:47:30.000 So, yeah.
00:47:33.000 And, you know, you can get a cheap shirt for fifty bucks, or you can get a shirt, like this shirt is probably like a hundred and fifty bucks.
00:47:38.000 I don't know how much it is actually, but it's super fucking thick.
00:47:42.000 It's like canvas.
00:47:46.000 You could spend as little as a thousand, as much as like ten.
00:47:49.000 I wear it, like, pretty fucking often.
00:47:52.000 Like, if you do the math, if you get a $2,000 suit, you wear it 10 times, what, $200 is 200 times you wear it, a suit?
00:48:00.000 And you wear it 20 times, $100 for each time you wear the suit.
00:48:05.000 You go to church every Sunday, that happens quick.
00:48:06.000 No one wears a suit as little as 20 times, dude, unless it's made of paper.
00:48:10.000 I've had this suit for like, I don't know, six years.
00:48:16.000 I've probably worn it 500 times.
00:48:19.000 Anyway.
00:48:22.000 Almost Friday.
00:48:24.000 Oh yeah, these guys.
00:48:24.000 I meant to cover these guys earlier.
00:48:26.000 We've mentioned them before, but I think they're as funny as the birthday boys.
00:48:29.000 Definitely got the sprinkles.
00:48:31.000 We sort of over cover them.
00:48:32.000 We've already given them shout outs, whatever.
00:48:34.000 But this just makes me gay for men.
00:48:37.000 I love men.
00:48:39.000 And the dumb shit they do.
00:48:47.000 You know where it's going, so it's really about the delivery.
00:48:58.000 Guys?
00:49:04.000 It's all with an iPhone, right?
00:49:08.000 Where's Liam?
00:49:19.000 He's looking down.
00:49:41.000 And I love that they didn't do the obvious ending of how they really react.
00:49:45.000 We get it.
00:49:46.000 We get it.
00:49:47.000 Check out that whole thing.
00:49:48.000 That's quality.
00:49:49.000 Well, how do you think they edit that?
00:49:50.000 Some dumb app you get with your phone?
00:49:52.000 They might have Premiere or even iMovie, I think would do that justice.
00:49:56.000 No, it's probably something you just sit on your phone with.
00:49:59.000 They don't even use computers.
00:50:01.000 I'm officially done with Glasgow Celtics.
00:50:02.000 So, the McInnises, my dad's side of the family, a lot of them are ashamed of their Irish heritage.
00:50:09.000 That's why they changed their name from McGinnis to McKinnis.
00:50:12.000 My grandfather was a bookie.
00:50:13.000 No one would trust an Irishman.
00:50:15.000 McKinnis sounds much more Scottish than McGinnis.
00:50:19.000 And my dad's family was very poor, and some of them like to like pretend they're fancy.
00:50:25.000 I think that's even my dad, he would deny it, but he has that accent.
00:50:27.000 He's like, how are you my boy?
00:50:29.000 Absolutely A1.
00:50:31.000 So my cousins and I support Celtics, just to piss them off.
00:50:35.000 Because if you're not Irish, you're not Catholic, you support the Rangers.
00:50:39.000 And they're pro-Britain, they're pro-UK, they're pro-England, and they're seen as a little more posh than the trashy Irish Celtics.
00:50:46.000 So, I don't know anything about soccer, but I would just support Celtics just to piss off my aunts.
00:50:51.000 And I do it with my cousins.
00:50:53.000 But this is the end.
00:50:54.000 Bye-bye!
00:50:55.000 Home to mommy.
00:50:57.000 Wasn't hard to say goodbye to you.
00:50:59.000 But fuck you, Glasgow Celtics.
00:51:02.000 I was pretty annoyed when you supported Palestine, but I chalked it up to naivete.
00:51:07.000 But supporting Antifa?
00:51:09.000 Could you be less Scottish, please?
00:51:11.000 You fucking scumbag.
00:51:13.000 Retard Neds.
00:51:16.000 Bye bye Celtics.
00:51:18.000 I'm also done with South African Rugby.
00:51:21.000 Which was easy to quit because I never watched it before.
00:51:25.000 But I love following William Fetzer.
00:51:28.000 Classic South African.
00:51:29.000 Someone is watching South African Rugby and they don't know the culture.
00:51:33.000 So go down to Jared Wright.
00:51:35.000 And, no, no, not that far down, just his tweet first.
00:51:38.000 I was today years old when I found out that Lukanyo Am does not have full length middle finger on his left hand.
00:51:46.000 Can't believe I missed that.
00:51:47.000 And then we see a bunch of pictures and you go, huh, I wonder what he went through, that poor boy.
00:51:53.000 Maybe he was some sort of horrific accident.
00:51:56.000 No, he was following, his parents were following classic African tradition, which is, if you pan up,
00:52:03.000 And I highly recommend this, by the way, if your children went to bed.
00:52:06.000 Iniquity is a sosa sacrificial practice.
00:52:12.000 A goat is sacrificed, okay?
00:52:14.000 The hand of a child is placed in dung, the finger is cut off, and the severed finger is plastered into the wall behind the door of the house.
00:52:24.000 It is believed a child that sows the bed will stop.
00:52:28.000 After this ritual.
00:52:29.000 Yes, it will definitely stop.
00:52:31.000 If there's one thing I can agree with juju men, it's that removing a child's finger will stop him from soiling the bed.
00:52:40.000 Probably won't even go to bed after that, for fuck's sakes.
00:52:44.000 Is there not a lot of infections that go on when you cut someone's shit-covered finger off?
00:52:52.000 I don't recommend this.
00:52:54.000 I recommend getting plastic sheets and changing the bed regularly.
00:52:59.000 And please don't confuse the Xhosa with the Hoisan tribe.
00:53:05.000 Completely different.
00:53:06.000 Yeah, totally different.
00:53:07.000 Much more civilized.
00:53:07.000 The Hoisan tribe is way different.
00:53:09.000 I read somewhere if African tribes look Asian, then they were the ones who were abducted by the slave traders.
00:53:18.000 Like they were the victims of most of these tribal warfare.
00:53:21.000 Most of this tribal warfare.
00:53:22.000 They look like CGI.
00:53:25.000 They look like CHI.
00:53:27.000 NK's.
00:53:28.000 That's not funny, I take that back.
00:53:31.000 Alright, so, Ryan jumped the gun with the calls.
00:53:34.000 Let's take two calls and then go behind the paywalls.
00:53:37.000 Okay, first we have 949 on the line.
00:53:40.000 Hey!
00:53:42.000 Whoa, ouch.
00:53:43.000 Yes?
00:53:43.000 Hello.
00:53:44.000 What's up, bro?
00:53:46.000 What's up?
00:53:48.000 Yeah, fuck Celtic.
00:53:49.000 My friend Cameron Harper played for Celtic one game and after the one game he got so much emotional abuse because he had a poor performance that now he plays in the MLS in America for the New York Red Bulls.
00:54:04.000 I remember he spoke for like 2-3 hours about just the terrible abuse he got.
00:54:09.000 Wait, wait, slow down.
00:54:10.000 First of all, your phone is crackling like it's from 1980.
00:54:13.000 Are you calling us on a Fisher-Price phone?
00:54:16.000 Do you hear me better now?
00:54:18.000 No, it's really cracky.
00:54:20.000 Doesn't make us look good.
00:54:21.000 Thanks a lot.
00:54:23.000 What about now?
00:54:23.000 Oh, that's 100% better.
00:54:24.000 What did you do?
00:54:27.000 He's a pro soccer player.
00:54:28.000 Speakerphone.
00:54:29.000 No, you went off speaker onto normal?
00:54:32.000 Yeah, I went off my earphone to speaker, which you wouldn't think would work, but it worked.
00:54:39.000 I'm, I'm very depressed.
00:54:40.000 I'm 22.
00:54:41.000 Um, I started getting into the Bible and man, I, uh, there are so many things that fucking weird me out.
00:54:48.000 I'm starting off with the old Testament and I came across this passage where basically God, um, mauled like four, like 50 kids for making fun of this bald guy.
00:55:00.000 And, uh, these two bears mauled the 50 kids.
00:55:04.000 And another thing in the Old Testament that freaked me out was God basically saying to Abraham that, um, to prove his loyalty to him, to cut his son's dick off in the middle of the desert.
00:55:17.000 And, uh, and then he's like, psych, I'm just kidding.
00:55:19.000 I just wanted to see how loyal you were.
00:55:21.000 It doesn't sit right with me.
00:55:23.000 I just like, there are so many things.
00:55:25.000 I've always connected with Jesus.
00:55:27.000 I've been bullied my whole life.
00:55:28.000 I have severe anxiety.
00:55:31.000 I grew up with a single borderline mom.
00:55:33.000 Got abused by my stepdad.
00:55:36.000 Sexually abused?
00:55:37.000 What was that?
00:55:38.000 Sexually abused?
00:55:40.000 No, not sexually abused physically and emotionally.
00:55:43.000 Thankfully, I never got a Tootsie Roll in the ass.
00:55:50.000 But yeah, my mom likes black guys.
00:55:53.000 So, uh,
00:55:55.000 Yeah, man, I just, like, I'm really struggling with a lot of verses I'm coming across, and it seems like God can be very wrathful, which makes sense, because to be God, it can't be all sunshine and rainbows.
00:56:08.000 There has to be, but, man, the manipulating of him telling him to cut his son's dick off and kill him, and then
00:56:16.000 I think some of it really is confusing to me.
00:56:16.000 I don't know.
00:56:19.000 I don't know if you've ever came across it.
00:56:21.000 Was it literally castration or was it circumcision?
00:56:25.000 Wasn't it circumcision, not like castration?
00:56:29.000 Castration is the balls, Ryan.
00:56:33.000 Ryan's contention is that he only wanted him to circumcise his son.
00:56:39.000 Well, he left us.
00:56:41.000 All right, thanks for calling.
00:56:42.000 Oh, he's there.
00:56:42.000 I'm here, I'm here, bro.
00:56:43.000 Oh, Ryan here.
00:56:45.000 Ryan, why don't you show yourself?
00:56:47.000 You're the religious guy.
00:56:48.000 You're the religious expert.
00:56:50.000 Wait, didn't he, was it cut off his penis or circumcised him?
00:56:54.000 And either way, like see… Yeah, circumcised.
00:56:56.000 Circumcised.
00:56:57.000 That's really different.
00:56:57.000 Fucking cut off his foreskin.
00:56:59.000 So that's one of the old things that Jews still do, like the circumcision and stuff like that, but the new covenant with Jesus, like you said, I don't know, I don't want to claim that I know, but it seems like God had had this relationship with people and it was kind of complex and he was kind of always reacting to what we would do with our free will, because we had free will.
00:57:18.000 We still do.
00:57:20.000 But when he became man, God became man, that is Jesus Christ, maybe there was some sort of like, I don't know, after that point he threw away a lot of the old sort of wrathful things and he, I don't know, you know what I mean?
00:57:34.000 Maybe something changed.
00:57:36.000 You don't want to say that maybe he learned something, you can't kind of, can't assume to know God, but it's a mystery, but it does seem like things have changed for the better after the new covenant, after Jesus Christ.
00:57:48.000 No, the New Testament and the rebirth of God and Jesus Christ, it was basically the complete opposite of God in the Old Testament.
00:57:56.000 I started, the only reason I believe in Christianity is my grandpa was a pastor, and he is the most kind, honest man I know.
00:58:02.000 I've always struggled with it.
00:58:03.000 When I would go to Bible camp and go on retreats, we'd go out to the desert and meditate, and I was associated with like... I remember looking at kids who were talking about finding God.
00:58:20.000 Your phone changed again.
00:58:22.000 Oh, I thought that was someone behind him.
00:58:24.000 Going, what the fuck are you talking about, dude?
00:58:29.000 You're talking about God.
00:58:30.000 I thought he was like making a call from work.
00:58:32.000 We get it.
00:58:32.000 All right.
00:58:32.000 Thanks for calling.
00:58:33.000 Thanks for calling.
00:58:33.000 That's enough.
00:58:35.000 Kind of got two things in there.
00:58:36.000 He snuck in two things.
00:58:37.000 I wanted to know what the abuse was from the guy.
00:58:40.000 I guess because he sucked and Glaswegians are so fucking violent that they were threatening to kill him.
00:58:45.000 That's true of all European soccer.
00:58:47.000 They'll murder a manager for having a bad year.
00:58:50.000 What do we do with Buck Showalter at the Mets?
00:58:52.000 We go, sad to see you go.
00:58:55.000 You sucked.
00:58:57.000 And it was a bad year.
00:58:59.000 Who's next?
00:59:00.000 One more call before we go behind the paywall.
00:59:02.000 267, you're in heaven.
00:59:06.000 Hello, I'm calling to see if you have any advice on how to
00:59:11.000 I have a threesome with my wife and her friend.
00:59:15.000 Okay.
00:59:16.000 Um, her friend?
00:59:20.000 Right.
00:59:21.000 So she knows the person?
00:59:23.000 I mean, it's her best friend.
00:59:23.000 Yeah.
00:59:25.000 I mean, I'm, I'm assuming that's the most likely person.
00:59:27.000 Uh, have they shown any interest?
00:59:31.000 Well, I mean, they come over and drink all the time.
00:59:34.000 And, uh, I mean, uh, you know, all women are kind of,
00:59:40.000 Yeah, it sounds like you could sabotage your marriage pretty badly, bro.
00:59:56.000 Yeah, the only time I would ever consider it is if they were very openly sexual and that was their culture and they weren't upset about, you know, like the way French people are.
01:00:07.000 And then you might go along with it, but for you to initiate a threesome with your wife and her friend is fucking marriage dynamite, and not in a good way.
01:00:18.000 You'll totally blow it.
01:00:19.000 I mean, if you want it to go down, I don't think it's a sin, by the way,
01:00:25.000 I would definitely be present when they're drunk and just cross your fingers but do not lead it in any direction and even if it starts going down be like okay I guess we're doing that like do not take charge in that that's that's the one area that a man should not be taking charge in is a threesome and then if it blows up later you go wasn't my idea I didn't even want to do it
01:00:51.000 So it has to be her idea and otherwise I'm just not having a threesome for the rest of my life.
01:00:57.000 Well, I didn't say that.
01:00:58.000 Here's a way you could do it.
01:01:00.000 So you know a chick who's like a total slut and such a slut that she won't like feel anything, you know, like almost a prostitute.
01:01:08.000 So you and your wife go somewhere and you get super wasted.
01:01:13.000 So the next morning she's still kind of drunk.
01:01:15.000 And then you get up and you go, I'm going to go get coffee and stuff.
01:01:18.000 I got you a surprise.
01:01:18.000 But guess what?
01:01:20.000 And she's like, what?
01:01:21.000 She's all hungover.
01:01:22.000 What did you get?
01:01:23.000 I got you a massage.
01:01:23.000 What?
01:01:24.000 I got the spa.
01:01:25.000 It's like this, it's this meet and greet spa thing that they do.
01:01:29.000 And she's like, Oh, okay.
01:01:30.000 It'll cure your hangover.
01:01:32.000 So then you get this chick to come in.
01:01:34.000 She's wearing OR scrubs and like Crocs and no makeup.
01:01:38.000 Right?
01:01:39.000 And then she, she gives your wife a half hour massage while you're gone.
01:01:44.000 And then you come back with the coffees.
01:01:47.000 Your wife's been totally massaged top to bottom.
01:01:50.000 Then you come in and you go, oh, great.
01:01:52.000 Glad you're still here.
01:01:53.000 I had a couple of questions like, what's the best way to do the shoulders?
01:01:56.000 And then she's like, well, you want to do there?
01:01:57.000 You want to get the deep tissue?
01:01:59.000 The woman has no idea what she's doing.
01:02:00.000 She's doing a massage.
01:02:02.000 And then you start going, what about down here?
01:02:04.000 Then you start doing the inner thigh.
01:02:08.000 And then if your wife is like, oh, you could keep pursuing.
01:02:11.000 This is just something I came up.
01:02:12.000 I never did it, but it's something I thought would be fucking awesome.
01:02:16.000 And if you're, if, if you go like, what about here?
01:02:19.000 And if your wife starts moaning, you could start ramping it up, right?
01:02:23.000 Slowly, but surely.
01:02:24.000 Um, but if she goes, what the fuck are you doing?
01:02:27.000 Then you go, sorry, sorry.
01:02:28.000 And then the chick leaves and I don't know, pay her 500 bucks or something.
01:02:31.000 But that's the only way you're gonna get a threesome as an adult.
01:02:34.000 And even then, I mean, that's been, that scenario's been my dream for 25 years.
01:02:39.000 Yeah, it seems like you had fleshed that out.
01:02:41.000 It hasn't panned out.
01:02:43.000 It's worth a try.
01:02:45.000 Yeah, you gotta find the slut first.
01:02:47.000 Alright, thanks for calling.
01:02:49.000 There's so much I wanted from that other guy, too.
01:02:52.000 I was gonna tell him to take up a combat sport.
01:02:55.000 Oh, the depressed guy.
01:02:56.000 Yeah, still listening.
01:02:57.000 I'm sure.
01:02:57.000 Oh, okay.
01:02:58.000 Hey, buddy, if you're still listening, take up a combat sport.
01:03:01.000 That's even more valuable than the Bible at the age of 22.
01:03:03.000 And, uh, yeah.
01:03:09.000 Get out there.
01:03:10.000 Don't be depressed.
01:03:11.000 Just stop it.
01:03:12.000 Literally, I'm not even kidding.
01:03:13.000 Yeah, you know what Conor McGregor says about depression and any kind of anxiety?
01:03:16.000 He goes, your brain's your bitch.
01:03:19.000 You tell your brain what to do, it doesn't tell you what to do.
01:03:21.000 Yeah, and move your body.
01:03:22.000 You gotta move your body.
01:03:23.000 If you're sedentary, my God.
01:03:24.000 Once you get in shape, I tell you, when I was a bike messenger for five years, and a tree planter, and both of those jobs, I did them simultaneously, are incredibly
01:03:34.000 Um, physically demanding and very solitary.
01:03:36.000 When you're planting trees, you're alone in the woods for 10 hours a day, six days a week.
01:03:41.000 And you, you get introspective, you start getting these songs in your head that were, that you liked when you were like 12.
01:03:47.000 It's like you, you have a full soul enema.
01:03:50.000 And, and then when you're on the bike, it sucks too.
01:03:53.000 I'm in Montreal in the winter.
01:03:54.000 And you're going through your life and what you like and dislike and you're thinking, I enjoy doing this.
01:04:00.000 I want to pursue that more.
01:04:01.000 And also, I don't want to do this anymore.
01:04:03.000 I fucking hate this.
01:04:04.000 And your body and your brain are sort of, you have this cohesion when you're in good shape.
01:04:10.000 And you figure out what you want to do with your life.
01:04:13.000 It gives you direction.
01:04:15.000 So there's nothing like getting in good shape for giving you direction.
01:04:18.000 Which is why the globalists hate it.
01:04:20.000 Which is why they want you to be a fat pig.
01:04:23.000 Which is why they fight against nofap and no wanks.
01:04:26.000 And it's why liquor stores were open during the pandemic but the gyms were shut.
01:04:31.000 They don't want you to get in good shape.
01:04:32.000 Because when you're in good shape you're like a one-man militia.
01:04:35.000 You're independent and you don't want to take shit from anyone.
01:04:38.000 So don't take shit from anyone.
01:04:40.000 Get fired, get in trouble, be brave, and never stop fighting.
01:04:45.000 Stick around, Baby Monsters.
01:04:46.000 We're gonna take some more calls.