Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S02E110 - THE DICTATOR [2020-01-13 - S02E110 - THE DICTATOR]

00:00:50.000 That song is The Dictator from the album Cut the Crap by The Clash, which is an album I love that everyone fucking hates.

00:01:02.000 And it's an interesting album because what's his name?

00:01:07.000 Mick I'm drawing a blank here.

00:01:11.000 Mick Jones was after London calling.

00:01:15.000 He's getting into rap was getting big and they just come to New York for some sold-out shows.

00:01:21.000 Aesthetically, that's my favorite New York is the clash coming to New York.

00:01:25.000 In fact, we use footage of it in the intro.

00:01:28.000 I don't want to live there in the 80s.

00:01:31.000 I don't want to get raped and mugged, but I love the look of the clash.

00:01:37.000 That's why we have a beatbox, a ghetto blaster, a portable stereo, because that's sort of that era.

00:01:45.000 Aesthetically, it's a great time.

00:01:47.000 You don't want to be there that whole time.

00:01:49.000 It fucking sucked.

00:01:53.000 So anyway, after Mick Jones came to New York and he started seeing rap, then he said, let's incorporate some of this stuff into the clash.

00:02:01.000 And Bernie Rhodes, back then, your manager was the dictator.

00:02:04.000 In fact, I think that song's about Bernie Rhodes.

00:02:07.000 And he decides what I say goes, as the song says.

00:02:10.000 So your manager would like have you fire the bassist and hire this other guy and put out a disco album.

00:02:17.000 He was your boss.

00:02:18.000 I don't know why they wouldn't just tell him to fuck off.

00:02:20.000 What a bunch of pussies. 1.00

00:02:23.000 And so Bernie was kind of freaked out by Mick's interest in digital stuff.

00:02:27.000 So he said, get rid of Mick Jones, which is like getting rid of Anthony Cumia from Opie and Anthony.

00:02:34.000 I mean, he was 50% of the writing team.

00:02:37.000 And so Joe Strummer, the biggest regret of his life, I think he went to his grave regretting this, booted out Mick Jones.

00:02:44.000 And so Mick Jones made Big Audio Dynamite, which has tons of samples and rap and digital effects.

00:02:50.000 But here's the weirdest part.

00:02:52.000 So Cut the Crap comes out without Mick Jones, who was fired for using too many samples.

00:02:58.000 And Cut the Crap is littered with samples.

00:03:03.000 you want to play some of that the only important thing these days is rhythm The songs don't really have any structure with Big Audio Dynamite.

00:03:12.000 One of all my friends, you've been the best to me.

00:03:18.000 This could have been the clash.

00:03:20.000 But Bernie had to get involved.

00:03:22.000 Anyway, that song, The Dictator, you can hear a good song in it, but he's got like Costa Rican radio and fucking Venezuelan fights and then static and a TV all in the same song.

00:03:39.000 It's a cacophony.

00:03:42.000 Can you even hear it?

00:03:43.000 Listen.

00:03:43.000 Hey, hey, hey.

00:03:46.000 Yes, I am the dictator.

00:03:50.000 Can you hear like Russian news?

00:03:53.000 Yeah.

00:03:54.000 What the fuck are you doing, Bernie?

00:03:56.000 You ruined the clash.

00:03:57.000 You ruined possibly the greatest band of all time.

00:04:04.000 What a cum rag.

00:04:07.000 Speaking of cum rags, I want to go off on an anti-femite tangent. 0.99

00:04:12.000 Now, when I rail against women, I want you to know I'm not railing against women.

00:04:17.000 I'm railing against what feminism has done to women. 1.00

00:04:20.000 Like the way they want to tell you what to say in Grand Central and the way they refuse to get off the plane and they tell someone they're going to fire them and they become cops and they try to get involved.

00:04:33.000 Remember that video we played of the guy woman who shot a guy in his own home and he was a shoplifter.

00:04:40.000 He had stolen a DVD.

00:04:41.000 Now we're shooting people who steal DVDs.

00:04:44.000 Nice work, female cops. 1.00

00:04:46.000 Actually, this isn't in the notes, but I just sent you a video.

00:04:48.000 What are you looking at acoustic guitars for?

00:04:51.000 Oh, it's for something else, for like an intro to something.

00:04:55.000 Okay, better be work-related.

00:04:56.000 Oh, yeah, dude.

00:04:59.000 What are you doing now?

00:05:01.000 It's not in today's notes.

00:05:03.000 I just sent it.

00:05:04.000 Okay, so this, I think, must be Russia, where affirmative action is all the action. 0.87

00:05:09.000 And they got some female cop to bust some gypsy who's selling shit on the street. 1.00

00:05:14.000 Look at her.

00:05:16.000 That's my mom. 0.99

00:05:19.000 Look at that cop. 0.67

00:05:22.000 And then that gypsy has been fighting her whole life. 1.00

00:05:25.000 So you better be...

00:05:29.000 She's probably got a solid right.

00:05:32.000 So then the woman starts taking her stuff. 1.00

00:05:34.000 She's going to get beaten by her husband, by the way. 1.00

00:05:36.000 Watch this, punch. 0.99

00:05:37.000 Wham.

00:05:40.000 Look at her.

00:05:42.000 Oh, no.

00:05:42.000 She's crying.

00:05:46.000 Sorry to laugh.

00:05:48.000 But Jesus age Christ.

00:05:51.000 Anyway, I want to get into that.

00:05:53.000 But before we do, wham.

00:05:58.000 It wasn't even a hard punch.

00:06:00.000 It looked like she's just jello.

00:06:02.000 You notice I got a haircut, by the way.

00:06:03.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:06:04.000 That's also in the news.

00:06:05.000 Of course I noticed.

00:06:07.000 I was going to go Grizzly Adams, and I just thought, this isn't me.

00:06:10.000 I didn't feel me.

00:06:12.000 I'm a relatively ugly guy who's abrasive.

00:06:15.000 I can't afford to look disheveled.

00:06:18.000 I have to look neat so people can go, oh, I guess someone likes him.

00:06:22.000 You know what I mean?

00:06:23.000 Like you have to, if you're a weirdo, you have to be clean cut or people think you're Bigfoot from Howard Stern.

00:06:29.000 It is.

00:06:30.000 Do you know who that is?

00:06:31.000 No.

00:06:31.000 He's a whackpacker, one of my favorites.

00:06:34.000 He'll occasionally blow his postman for $100.

00:06:39.000 This is how nuts he is, okay?

00:06:39.000 Really?

00:06:41.000 This is Bigfoot.

00:06:43.000 He goes, I was getting attacked by liquid insulation, it is.

00:06:46.000 He ends all sentences with, it is.

00:06:50.000 And the police came.

00:06:53.000 And then Sawardster goes, wait, you attacked?

00:06:56.000 What did you do when the police came?

00:06:57.000 Well, I tried to scare him, it is.

00:06:59.000 What did you do?

00:07:01.000 He tried to stab a cop with a samurai sword.

00:07:03.000 He stuck the sword through the door.

00:07:05.000 So the cop just sees this samurai sword come out.

00:07:08.000 And the reason he was freaking out is because he was being attacked with liquid insulation.

00:07:12.000 And I figured out what that means.

00:07:14.000 The landlord was probably insulating the floor below with that expanding foam.

00:07:19.000 And I bet like a tiny amount came up through his floorboards and like a sliver appeared in between his wood floor.

00:07:27.000 And he saw that as they're attacking me with liquid insulation.

00:07:31.000 And then he says, I can't go outside, it is, because people know that I was in a movie and they throw pennies at me and they pull their pants down.

00:07:39.000 None of that ever happens, let alone consecutively.

00:07:42.000 Yeah.

00:07:43.000 You walk outside and people throw pennies at you and moon you, I would be laughing my ass off.

00:07:48.000 I'm never moving.

00:07:50.000 I'm home.

00:07:51.000 Does he say it is often?

00:07:52.000 Because I got a clip.

00:07:55.000 So when he hears this is it, then he has to say it is.

00:07:59.000 He can't think.

00:08:00.000 That happens automatically?

00:08:01.000 Yeah, here.

00:08:01.000 Check it out.

00:08:03.000 This is it.

00:08:06.000 This is it.

00:08:07.000 This is.

00:08:09.000 Is it?

00:08:13.000 This is it.

00:08:14.000 It is.

00:08:16.000 It is.

00:08:17.000 Oh, he's singing the song.

00:08:19.000 This is it.

00:08:20.000 But he has to have the squirrels.

00:08:22.000 He has to say, it is.

00:08:24.000 This is it.

00:08:25.000 It is.

00:08:27.000 No one know.

00:08:29.000 You put it in there pretty good.

00:08:33.000 Why are we playing music now?

00:08:36.000 What's that?

00:08:37.000 Why is music playing?

00:08:38.000 Oh, well, it's the dictator.

00:08:41.000 The dictator?

00:08:42.000 You got dictums.

00:08:43.000 Yes, I am.

00:08:45.000 You're dictumated.

00:08:46.000 Hold on, I got this better.

00:08:48.000 Yeah.

00:08:50.000 Yeah.

00:08:52.000 No flip-flops.

00:08:53.000 Ever, never, ever.

00:08:54.000 Not even on the beach.

00:08:56.000 When you go to the beach, you wear your chucks on the hot sand till you get to your area.

00:09:00.000 Take off your chucks, and then you can go barefoot on the not hot sand into the water back and forth.

00:09:06.000 And I know people say, well, Gav, I get your no flip-flops thing.

00:09:10.000 It does look gross in the city with syringes and shit everywhere, but the beach is an exception.

00:09:15.000 No, there are no exceptions.

00:09:17.000 I am done with men's toes for the rest of my entire life. 1.00

00:09:21.000 I am sick of suffering through New York City in July and seeing men's hairy toes everywhere and the bottom of women's feet go black with their stupid, disgusting fucking flip-flops. 1.00

00:09:33.000 And no shower shoes.

00:09:36.000 What are you doing with slippers on?

00:09:38.000 Are you going to the showers at Rikers?

00:09:40.000 Is that what's going on?

00:09:42.000 Why?

00:09:42.000 And then you're uncomfortable with your shower shoes, so you wear a little women's bobby socks, little ankle socks.

00:09:50.000 What are you, a fucking lazy fat chick? 1.00

00:09:53.000 No more shower shoes.

00:09:55.000 What if someone slaps your girl?

00:09:57.000 What if you got to run away from cops?

00:09:59.000 The fuck are you doing with those stupid shoes?

00:10:02.000 Now, I know a lot of you are thinking I'm going to say no shorts.

00:10:06.000 No, I'm not an asshole.

00:10:08.000 I'm a benevolent dictator.

00:10:10.000 It's good to live.

00:10:12.000 Look how clean my city is.

00:10:14.000 So yeah, you can wear shorts if the high that day, check the weather, is over 80 degrees.

00:10:22.000 Once the high is over 80 degrees, all bets are off.

00:10:25.000 It's sort of like when it's zero degrees, it's so cold you don't really care how you look.

00:10:30.000 You just put your hood up and you have mittens and stuff.

00:10:32.000 That's fine.

00:10:33.000 When we're with extreme temperatures, that's fine.

00:10:35.000 And I know that pardons a lot of people in the South.

00:10:38.000 Now, the problem with shorts, of course, is shoes because you don't want your feet to reek, but socks look funny on a grown man to have socks and sneakers with shoes.

00:10:51.000 Some guys decide to embrace that and go crazy and pull up their black socks kind of high, and they're like, yeah, I'm a freak, especially SoCal people.

00:10:59.000 No, you can do one of two things.

00:11:02.000 One is put some powder in your shoes and then they don't reek.

00:11:05.000 Just make sure if you ever go to someone's house, you have to take them off.

00:11:08.000 It's going to be super embarrassing because you leave these powdered footprints like a ghost.

00:11:12.000 Or wear socks that are so low that they can't be detected.

00:11:17.000 That's fucking embarrassing, but you can do it.

00:11:20.000 However, if you go to a girl's house like you're going to fuck her or something, when you're taking off your shoes, slip off that gay, stupid sock you have and stuff it into your shoe. 0.97

00:11:31.000 That tree has to fall in the woods with nobody around so it can't make a sound.

00:11:36.000 Those are just, oh, and two more things.

00:11:39.000 No more black chucks over the age of 25. 1.00

00:11:43.000 Mid-20s, you look stupid.

00:11:46.000 You look like a little kid.

00:11:46.000 You look like Chucky.

00:11:48.000 You're not in the Ramones.

00:11:49.000 Don't wear black chucks.

00:11:51.000 Wear white chucks till the day you die.

00:11:53.000 But no black chucks after 25. 0.99

00:11:55.000 And nothing on your fucking shirt after 30.

00:11:58.000 Come on.

00:11:58.000 I don't care what you think.

00:12:00.000 I don't care what bands you like.

00:12:01.000 No one is looking to you for input.

00:12:04.000 So either have the Mets or nothing on your shirt.

00:12:07.000 Simple.

00:12:12.000 People used to dance and sing.

00:12:14.000 They used to run wild in the streets.

00:12:19.000 That was not good singing.

00:12:21.000 You know what's a fucking jam on that album?

00:12:24.000 P.S., it is.

00:12:28.000 This is England.

00:12:31.000 They also ruined that song with 9 million samples at the beginning, including a kids' schoolyard.

00:12:38.000 What?

00:12:39.000 What are you doing?

00:12:41.000 Was that a video for it?

00:12:43.000 Is this a homemade one?

00:12:44.000 Yeah.

00:12:46.000 Yeah, the enthusiasm was done.

00:12:47.000 I don't think they made any videos.

00:12:58.000 He's just got a marker.

00:13:01.000 This line.

00:13:03.000 This song has the line.

00:13:04.000 I got my motorcycle jacket.

00:13:13.000 Good thing he got rid of Mr. Samples.

00:13:15.000 That's another one.

00:13:26.000 I got my motorcycle jacket, but I'm walking all the time.

00:13:29.000 You know, the story of Bernie Rhodes, that is a relevant story because it's an example of you not empowering yourself.

00:13:40.000 I say, get fired, get in trouble, be brave.

00:13:42.000 You are responsible for your own destiny.

00:13:45.000 Like my buddy Mike, who was getting his twins baptized.

00:13:49.000 And his dad said, well, you had those twins with a surrogate.

00:13:51.000 Sometimes the church frowns upon that.

00:13:53.000 And Mike goes, if the priest has a problem with that and doesn't want to baptize my kids, I'll pick them up and I'll throw them through the fucking stained glass.

00:14:01.000 I don't know why that sentence made me feel so good.

00:14:03.000 I was like, yeah, no one's the boss of us.

00:14:05.000 Not priests.

00:14:06.000 Nobody.

00:14:08.000 Now, you can't throw a cop through a window unless it's a chick you can knock out. 1.00

00:14:13.000 That's different.

00:14:14.000 You just have to seethe and hate them quietly because society has given them infinite power.

00:14:19.000 But outside of that, no, no one's your boss.

00:14:22.000 If Bernie Rhodes tells you to fire your best friend, say, fuck you, Bernie Rhodes.

00:14:26.000 Did you know that my babysitter's boyfriend's parents told him to dump her if she didn't quit babysitting for me?

00:14:38.000 I remember that, yeah.

00:14:40.000 And the takeaway I get from that is I can't believe the kid did it.

00:14:45.000 Just if my dad, when I was 16, told me to dump someone, I'd go, all right, dad.

00:14:52.000 I would just totally ignore him.

00:14:55.000 I'm moving out in two years anyway.

00:14:57.000 Fuck you.

00:14:59.000 It's along the same lines of him telling you what kind of underwear to wear.

00:15:03.000 It's like, that's none of your beeswax.

00:15:05.000 Great analogy, Ryan.

00:15:08.000 Okay, so this is what I want to get to when I criticize women. 1.00

00:15:11.000 I know I'm an anti-femite. 0.95

00:15:13.000 It's like an anti-Semite who blames the Jews for everything.

00:15:15.000 I blame women for everything. 1.00

00:15:16.000 I know I do that.

00:15:18.000 But it's not woman women. 1.00

00:15:20.000 It's not your mom.

00:15:20.000 It's not the normal woman.

00:15:22.000 It's this bastardization, the shit chests.

00:15:25.000 Remember shit chests?

00:15:27.000 They're like Iron Man, but instead of the glowing orb here, it's a piece of poo. 0.95

00:15:30.000 The glowing orb was the ability to be a mom and make babies and keep a house. 0.91

00:15:36.000 We removed that from them and replaced it with shit.

00:15:39.000 So if you put shit in Iron Man's chest, he'd be fucked up, right?

00:15:43.000 That's what women are today. 1.00

00:15:44.000 So when I'm criticizing women, I'm not criticizing, like, for example, the women who watch this show.

00:15:48.000 They obviously have their heads screwed on.

00:15:50.000 I'm talking about these busybody cunts who are intervening in your life, just like Bernie Rhodes.

00:15:58.000 So there was this article in the New York Post.

00:16:01.000 I think it was yesterday.

00:16:05.000 Yesterday.

00:16:06.000 Do do do.

00:16:08.000 Yes, it was yesterday.

00:16:10.000 And it's just a matter of time before I pull it up.

00:16:14.000 Oh, look at this.

00:16:14.000 As I'm trying to find it, I see this article where this cameraman was fired for being anti-Muslim.

00:16:22.000 Fired by this woman. 1.00

00:16:25.000 And you know what he did that was anti-Muslim?

00:16:26.000 He shared a Facebook meme that had Ilhan Omar saying someone did something on 9-11.

00:16:33.000 And he goes, yeah, I shared that because it was news.

00:16:36.000 Everyone was talking about that meme, so I sent it to people.

00:16:40.000 And she complained. 0.99

00:16:41.000 You know why?

00:16:42.000 Because she's an affirmative action hire. 0.94

00:16:45.000 She doesn't deserve to be there.

00:16:47.000 This guy is a cameraman who busted his ass, worked hard, and eventually got a news gig, which is a great gig, regular pay.

00:16:52.000 Good gig for a cameraman.

00:16:54.000 He earned it.

00:16:55.000 She was only hired because she's Muslim and a woman, and they had to check off that box. 1.00

00:16:59.000 And you know what happens when that happens?

00:17:01.000 It's a shit chest.

00:17:02.000 What happens is they feel insecure and they go, I shouldn't be here.

00:17:08.000 Just like if I was Hunter Biden and I was the head of some giant hedge fund in China, I'd be like, ah, shit, I hope they don't ask me anything about mining.

00:17:17.000 So they build a brick wall around themselves to keep out the pain, the fear, and the hurt.

00:17:23.000 No, they build this wall around, and the bricks are made of allegations and complaints.

00:17:28.000 So you don't want to fire her because you're going to get sued now.

00:17:31.000 She was the victim of Islamophobia.

00:17:34.000 That's a protective barrier she's put around herself because she feels vulnerable.

00:17:40.000 You understand?

00:17:41.000 So that is why I'm so anti-feminist, because not because women are bitches, but because it's making women into these Bernie Rhodes cunts. 1.00

00:17:51.000 So anyway, back to this article.

00:17:53.000 Young men are scared of sex. 1.00

00:17:55.000 That's a fact.

00:17:57.000 And when I was on, I was doing an interview the other day, I told you about this, where I said, be brave, get in trouble.

00:18:03.000 And I said, that applies to everything, young men, even if it means writing a pro MAGA essay in school and getting an F, write it.

00:18:09.000 But I said, don't have that attitude with sex because your life could get ruined with a fake rape allegation. 0.57

00:18:15.000 And I just think, dude, when I moved to New York City from Montreal, the amount of sluts and the perversions, maybe it's because there's so many Jewish chicks here, but they were like fucking rude. 1.00

00:18:29.000 Like, not just rape me and beat me, kill me.

00:18:34.000 Like, they wanted to be strangled, smacked around, spit in their face.

00:18:40.000 And some of them wanted, I'm actually getting a bit of a boner talking about this, which is embarrassing, but some of them wanted me to sort of just sort of rape them. 0.63

00:18:47.000 I don't mean jump out of the bushes with a knife and a palaclava, but in the bedroom, like they say no, and I keep going.

00:18:56.000 So I always had like a judge in the back of my head going, would this hold up in court?

00:18:59.000 Would this hold up in court?

00:19:01.000 Here's a sentence that sums up my sex life when I first moved to New York.

00:19:06.000 And I had vice and stuff, so lots of chicks wanted to fuck me. 1.00

00:19:12.000 Her name was Nicole, and she sent me an email that said, thank you for raping me last night.

00:19:18.000 Can you imagine that today?

00:19:20.000 I mean, we had Mattress Girl.

00:19:23.000 She was having vaginal sex. 1.00

00:19:24.000 He put it in the wrong hole for a second, which is an episode of the Mindy Kaling show.

00:19:28.000 It's considered funny on her show.

00:19:30.000 Mattress Girl said, Hey, what?

00:19:31.000 And then he took it out.

00:19:32.000 She had been soliciting him for anal sex regularly, but she claims she didn't want it that particular time.

00:19:39.000 She carried a mattress around for years, and his life is over.

00:19:44.000 Ruined, had to move back to Germany because of her.

00:19:49.000 First, like, by the way, the wrong hole thing has happened to every single sexually active man in America, at least once.

00:19:57.000 Has it ever happened to you?

00:19:59.000 What's that?

00:20:00.000 What, you're not watching the show?

00:20:02.000 No, I am.

00:20:02.000 I'm just trying to find her rapist.

00:20:04.000 I never seen.

00:20:06.000 Have you ever got it in the wrong hole for a second?

00:20:08.000 Yeah.

00:20:09.000 It's right there.

00:20:10.000 That happens.

00:20:10.000 There's two holes next to each other.

00:20:12.000 Have you ever played darts?

00:20:16.000 Sometimes you don't get triple 20.

00:20:18.000 Sometimes it accidentally goes in the bullseye.

00:20:19.000 Except the bullseye.

00:20:20.000 Yeah, it is the accident.

00:20:22.000 Anyway, this article is fascinating because it's written by a shit chest. 0.58

00:20:29.000 So there's this woman, Peggy Orenstein.

00:20:33.000 That's 12, link 12.

00:20:37.000 So she does all this research, right?

00:20:39.000 This is her attitude. 0.59

00:20:41.000 Peggy Orenstein on Donald Trump's crude remarks about women.

00:20:44.000 It's about abusive, aggressive behavior by a man who's not seeing a problem.

00:20:49.000 She's talking about the grab the pussy thing, among other quotes, which is a fact, by the way. 0.97

00:20:55.000 When you're famous and powerful, you can grab women by the pussy and they like it. 1.00

00:20:58.000 I've done it.

00:20:59.000 Sorry.

00:21:01.000 It doesn't mean you walk up to some old lady on the street and go, honk.

00:21:05.000 Obviously.

00:21:06.000 I feel like every sentence I say in this show should be punctuated with, obviously.

00:21:12.000 Fuck, why are we playing that music again?

00:21:16.000 I guess he just can interrupt whenever he wants.

00:21:18.000 This is getting ridiculous.

00:21:27.000 Basic water park rules.

00:21:29.000 There's only three.

00:21:30.000 It's very easy.

00:21:31.000 And they're all things you don't have to do.

00:21:34.000 First of all, no swim shirts.

00:21:38.000 There's no sun.

00:21:39.000 Swim shirts were invented for people who, I don't know, are allergic to sunblock or some bullshit.

00:21:43.000 Now, it's where fat, ugly, pussy... 1.00

00:21:51.000 Pussy shitheads are embarrassed of their tits. 1.00

00:21:55.000 You know what you should do if you're embarrassed of your tits? 1.00

00:21:58.000 Stop having tits. 1.00

00:22:00.000 Don't have boobies, you fucking lazy piece of shit. 1.00

00:22:04.000 You can't just hide it with a shirt.

00:22:06.000 And now you got your son wearing a swimshirt.

00:22:09.000 Way to go.

00:22:10.000 You conveyed your pathetic shame onto your son.

00:22:13.000 Now he's worried about his nipples.

00:22:15.000 What are we Amish here?

00:22:17.000 This is fucking pathetic.

00:22:18.000 I see all these men wearing swim shirts.

00:22:21.000 You might as well wear a shirt that says, I'm ashamed of my body.

00:22:25.000 Oh no.

00:22:26.000 So it sucks to have tits. 1.00

00:22:29.000 It sucks to be a fat pig.

00:22:30.000 That's pathetic.

00:22:32.000 And that's something you need to fix.

00:22:34.000 But hiding in a swim shirt is even worse.

00:22:37.000 Swim shirts?

00:22:39.000 What the fuck?

00:22:41.000 It's like people wearing ski helmets.

00:22:43.000 When I was young, you would not see one helmet on the slopes.

00:22:47.000 Now you see nothing but helmets.

00:22:50.000 I'm the only guy there not wearing a helmet.

00:22:52.000 Oh, I might bump my head.

00:22:53.000 I know the odds are one in 10 million, but you never know.

00:22:57.000 Can't be too careful.

00:22:58.000 And now we're wearing swim shirts.

00:23:00.000 Oh, don't look at my nipples, you horny man.

00:23:03.000 I would go to a fucking gay water park and not give a shit who's looking at me.

00:23:08.000 When you eat a cheeseburger, there's a fat guy, there's a homeless man, there's people staring at you.

00:23:12.000 Hungry people are looking at your cheeseburger.

00:23:14.000 They want it.

00:23:15.000 I don't give a fuck.

00:23:16.000 You can't have my cheeseburger.

00:23:18.000 Same with my cock. 1.00

00:23:19.000 Who cares who's staring at your cock? 1.00

00:23:21.000 Which brings me to number two.

00:23:22.000 I can't believe I have to say this.

00:23:24.000 No underwear.

00:23:26.000 Yes, that's correct.

00:23:28.000 If you go to water parks, you will see that about half of the men are wearing underwear.

00:23:38.000 I saw a guy last weekend wearing another pair of shorts.

00:23:42.000 So he had his bathing suit on and then shorts, like basketball shorts, on underneath his fucking bathing suit.

00:23:49.000 He's just wearing two pairs of shorts.

00:23:51.000 What are you doing?

00:23:52.000 And I've talked to some of these fucking assholes.

00:23:55.000 It's millennials.

00:23:56.000 It started with millennials.

00:23:57.000 Now it's guys my age with their underwear, their under armor underwear hanging out of their bathing suit.

00:24:02.000 I think they think it's kind of sexy, like Marky Mark, fucking Calvin Klein ads.

00:24:07.000 I said, one of these kids, what the fuck are you doing?

00:24:09.000 He goes, oh, the mesh.

00:24:10.000 Actually, it was his mother.

00:24:12.000 I said, what's your son doing with fucking underwear on?

00:24:14.000 She goes, oh, he said the mesh bothers him.

00:24:17.000 Bull shit.

00:24:20.000 The mesh bothers you.

00:24:22.000 Yeah, it's 2020 and people who make bathing suits are so fucking dumb that they use uncomfortable mesh, barbed wire on your fucking balls.

00:24:31.000 It hasn't occurred to people in this day and age to make mesh in bathing suits that doesn't irritate.

00:24:38.000 It couldn't be softer.

00:24:40.000 It's like perforated silk.

00:24:42.000 It doesn't hurt your dick or your balls.

00:24:45.000 The real reason men wear underwear under their bathing suits is because they're petrified that someone will see the contours of their penis, which is pathetic. 0.91

00:24:57.000 First of all, who gives a fuck if someone sees that?

00:25:00.000 What are they not going to fuck you now?

00:25:01.000 Because your penis is too small?

00:25:03.000 Oh, oh, oh, forget it.

00:25:05.000 I'm sorry.

00:25:05.000 What?

00:25:06.000 That doesn't happen.

00:25:07.000 Secondly, you can't see the dick. 0.57

00:25:10.000 There's not, it would, maybe in white speedos, if you were staring like one inch, you'd go, oh, I kind of see where the dick is.

00:25:17.000 Maybe.

00:25:18.000 But in the bathing suits men wear today that are just basically big shorts, you can't see your dick.

00:25:23.000 You fucking paranoid loser.

00:25:29.000 Finally, number three, no swim shoes.

00:25:31.000 I can't believe I have to say this.

00:25:33.000 Why are you wearing swim shoes at a water park?

00:25:35.000 Clearly, the ground is going to be textured.

00:25:38.000 They don't want to get sued.

00:25:39.000 So no one's going to make a water park where the ground is like marble or slippery, slippery linoleum.

00:25:46.000 That's hard to say.

00:25:47.000 Slippery linoleum.

00:25:49.000 I'm going to say that every time I have to do an important oration.

00:25:52.000 Slippery linoleum.

00:25:54.000 Slippery linoleum.

00:25:56.000 New York.

00:25:58.000 That's not going to be that Because people would slip and fall, and the place would get sued.

00:26:02.000 That'd be the end of them.

00:26:02.000 So, just by the very nature of it being a water park that has people in it, you know that the floor is going to be grippy.

00:26:08.000 There's little kids running around.

00:26:10.000 It's some of the grippiest floors I've ever walked on.

00:26:14.000 And you have aqua shoes?

00:26:16.000 Like, there might be an argument for aqua shoes in Costa Rica during rainy season if you're walking up a river.

00:26:21.000 Maybe some asshole has glass there. 1.00

00:26:23.000 I would just wear Chuck Taylor's, by the way.

00:26:25.000 If you're going to be walking through dangerous, rocky terrain that's wet, just wear fucking shoes and they can dry off later.

00:26:32.000 But aqua shoes at a water park?

00:26:35.000 I've even seen a, I'd say he was 14 or so, wearing a fucking swimshirt, underwear, and AquaSocks.

00:26:45.000 Fuck that kid.

00:26:46.000 Music by Ben Thede I don't think that dictator's world, it definitely wouldn't be a freer place.

00:26:57.000 It's definitely not libertarian.

00:26:59.000 It might be better, though.

00:27:01.000 I would like it better.

00:27:02.000 I'm not sure you would, America.

00:27:05.000 I didn't know dictator was sometimes a good thing.

00:27:09.000 When you agree with the dictator, you say, it's pretty good.

00:27:11.000 I may have made this up because every time I research it, I can only find me saying it.

00:27:16.000 But I'm sure I read about an African dictator who would make men eat their flip-flops at gunpoint. 1.00

00:27:25.000 Soldiers would stop you on the street and make you eat your flip-flops if you were wearing flip-flops, obviously.

00:27:30.000 There's also a town in Italy that's at such a steep incline that people kept wearing flip-flops, kept falling and getting injuries, and it was clogging up the hospitals.

00:27:40.000 So flip-flops are illegal in that vertical town.

00:27:44.000 And that's where I'm going to retire.

00:27:47.000 All right.

00:27:47.000 I'm still trying to get this.

00:27:49.000 So this woman, Jill Orenstein, Peggy Orenstein, wrote this big article in the New York Post about how men are scared of sex.

00:27:58.000 You know why men are scared of sex?

00:28:00.000 Because feminism ruined it. 1.00

00:28:04.000 And now they're petrified of becoming another mattress girl victim. 0.99

00:28:09.000 In fact, I know of frats where they have the prospects sit in a chair while you fuck a chick to be a witness. 1.00

00:28:18.000 They witness sex.

00:28:19.000 And we have apps where everyone agrees on what moves they're going to do.

00:28:24.000 That's why sex is ruined. 0.99

00:28:26.000 And because porn has become so accessible and it's such an easy option, men are just like, I could rub one out to my dream girl in my exact specific weird scenario that I'm into and not be ruined, not be me too'd, or I could go risk it with a human.

00:28:44.000 No thanks.

00:28:46.000 That's the issue here.

00:28:48.000 But the New York Post is stupid enough to let this woman posture that the real problem is masculinity. 1.00

00:28:56.000 Oh.

00:28:58.000 So in this article, she says porn is a factor, but not for the reason I said.

00:29:02.000 You know why she says porn is a factor?

00:29:04.000 Because they see dick sizes that they can't live up to.

00:29:10.000 No, they don't.

00:29:12.000 Sure, guys are insecure about their penises until they fuck a chick and she goes, yeah, that's about normal. 1.00

00:29:18.000 Like, I don't know of a dude who's known as a dude with a small dick.

00:29:22.000 It doesn't really come up.

00:29:23.000 So you're super paranoid as like a 14-year-old.

00:29:26.000 Then some girl touches your dick who's touched another dick and she goes, yeah, that's about normal. 1.00

00:29:30.000 And you're like, few.

00:29:31.000 So that's not a thing.

00:29:33.000 Men are not avoiding women because they are insecure about their penis size.

00:29:37.000 They know that porno dicks are absurd.

00:29:38.000 So that's crazy.

00:29:40.000 Another theory that she just throws in there is these masculine super studs on shows like California Cation, David D'Akovny. 1.00

00:29:50.000 David DiCovny in California plays a novelist in Los Angeles whose ability to woo any woman is described by one young male subject to author, Peggy Ornstein, as convincing.

00:30:01.000 So that shows bad.

00:30:03.000 You don't show a stud who's fucking tons of chicks.

00:30:07.000 If you're successful in a Hollywood as a screenwriter or something, you're banging tons of chicks. 1.00

00:30:12.000 That's just a fact.

00:30:14.000 And then she also says in this article that Mason has been watching porn since he was 14, and he claims it convinced him that a hot woman would just magically appear and offer herself up to him.

00:30:24.000 That was my whole perception of how it was supposed to go, he said.

00:30:27.000 It does go like that.

00:30:29.000 In fact, in this article, she says that men are expected to be infinitely horny, and she talks about this guy who was passed out at a party, and then he woke up and some girl had mounted him.

00:30:40.000 So technically rape, right?

00:30:43.000 And her take was like, men can be sexually violated because they're seen as these perverts who always want to fuck, but sometimes they don't.

00:30:52.000 No, they all want to fuck at all times.

00:30:55.000 And you just said that porn gives these boys this crazy world that women will just want to fuck them.

00:31:00.000 And then in your same article, some woman just mounted you while you were asleep. 0.97

00:31:06.000 And then she's making it seem like that's a thing that could happen.

00:31:09.000 So it's not rare.

00:31:10.000 It's a thing that happens.

00:31:11.000 Right.

00:31:11.000 You just said it's a phenomenon.

00:31:13.000 And then you said young men are under the impression that women are just going to mount them.

00:31:17.000 A woman just did like two paragraphs ago. 0.93

00:31:20.000 So it's a piece of shit.

00:31:21.000 Communist article.

00:31:23.000 And this is God, by the way, telling us not to play God.

00:31:28.000 Communism doesn't work because it's not natural.

00:31:31.000 And nature was designed by the big guy, right?

00:31:34.000 Just think of, just call it nature if you're an atheist.

00:31:37.000 The way nature works is there's checks and balances.

00:31:39.000 If a brother fucks a sister, they make a retard. 1.00

00:31:42.000 If you play God and you decide to insert an agenda, you end up with a bullshit article that blames men for not wanting sex enough.

00:31:53.000 No, ladies. 1.00

00:31:54.000 Hey, Peggy, it's called culpability. 0.77

00:31:59.000 You have to take some responsibility because your bullshit, Marxist, anti-Trump, anti-male agenda is fucking with this kids.

00:32:07.000 How ironic that in an article where she's blaming masculinity for men being scared of sex, how ironic is it that, no, it's articles like hers that are doing it.

00:32:19.000 Hey, Peggy, I found the problem.

00:32:20.000 Ready?

00:32:21.000 Yeah, I'm really interested.

00:32:22.000 I can't wait to find it.

00:32:25.000 You.

00:32:27.000 You, you fat, ugly bitch. 1.00

00:32:29.000 She knows All about the sex. 0.95

00:32:32.000 There's two things I noticed there.

00:32:34.000 Like, they kind of made they kind of absolve men of stuff by saying, oh, they're always horny. 0.88

00:32:39.000 And so, like, it kind of puts us as a victim.

00:32:42.000 And everybody loves being victimized.

00:32:45.000 I don't like that.

00:32:46.000 Like, that kind of like absolved men of being horny.

00:32:49.000 And I was like, I don't, I don't like being a victim.

00:32:51.000 That's not true.

00:32:52.000 I'm horny.

00:32:53.000 I got a boner like about 10 minutes ago.

00:32:55.000 Just from talking about it.

00:32:56.000 Just from talking about sex.

00:32:57.000 I'm constantly thinking about sex, planning my next night with my wife, what the details are going to be, what I might be able to incorporate.

00:33:04.000 I'm consumed.

00:33:05.000 At church, I'm sitting behind a couple and I'm like, I wonder what's the best sex they've ever had.

00:33:09.000 I wish I could see it.

00:33:10.000 It could have happened like 30 years ago, but let's see the best, the one where they both sort of collapsed on the bed after and went, oh, oh, Jesus.

00:33:18.000 I think about that all the time.

00:33:20.000 They're like Wolfman.

00:33:21.000 When I see couples, I'm always imagining, I wish I could see their best sex.

00:33:24.000 Even like 70-year-olds.

00:33:26.000 I'm like, can I see the best sex you had is probably in 1968 when you 69.

00:33:31.000 68 when you 69.

00:33:33.000 And then the article is based on her, on this lady.

00:33:37.000 Well, it says she did hundreds of interviews.

00:33:40.000 Yeah, with an agenda.

00:33:43.000 She's not qualified. 0.99

00:33:44.000 But it's actually written by a guy named Eric Spitznagle.

00:33:47.000 I know, but he's just a cuck.

00:33:48.000 Dude, who's just puking out whatever she told him to say?

00:33:51.000 You're going to love this.

00:33:52.000 From milk baths to drones on demand, these trends will rule 2020.

00:33:56.000 He's got to be gay, right? 1.00

00:33:57.000 What's the next one?

00:33:58.000 How social media has destroyed our ability to forgive.

00:34:00.000 This is sounding like a gay. 0.96

00:34:02.000 And then some gossip.

00:34:03.000 Steve Jobs didn't build anything, Beavison Butthead Creator says.

00:34:06.000 Heartwarming Tale about a crippled donkey became a running champion.

00:34:10.000 The secret.

00:34:12.000 Oh, man.

00:34:13.000 Spiritualist community.

00:34:14.000 How tiny pooch? 1.00

00:34:16.000 Taught her human to climb mountains.

00:34:16.000 This is a fag.

00:34:18.000 Taught her human.

00:34:19.000 Tiny pooch equals fag. 1.00

00:34:23.000 Something you just need to know.

00:34:26.000 All right.

00:34:27.000 Remember how mad I was about this coach who was fired?

00:34:31.000 Just to recap, it's in New Rochelle, a suburb of New York.

00:34:34.000 I think Sam Roberts might live there.

00:34:36.000 Sam Roberts.

00:34:37.000 He rules.

00:34:38.000 I met him yesterday.

00:34:39.000 Okay.

00:34:40.000 Yeah.

00:34:40.000 And an affirmative action hire.

00:34:46.000 I'm not sure this is her.

00:34:48.000 I think this is her.

00:34:49.000 She's definitely responsible.

00:34:52.000 She definitely could have prevented it. 0.96

00:34:53.000 So the buck stops with her.

00:34:55.000 I'm not sure she did the actual firing, but she's part of the firing.

00:34:58.000 And she'd just been hired.

00:34:59.000 Yeah, that's her. 0.60

00:35:00.000 She'd just been hired like last year because they needed more females in the administration. 1.00

00:35:06.000 So they made her the superintendent of New Rochelle.

00:35:08.000 And again, she fired Coach D because he called his niece's mother when he saw his 13-year-old niece drunk.

00:35:18.000 Ruined football for the high school, ruined tons of poor black kids' lives.

00:35:22.000 But she just had to fire him and say he can't set foot on campus because she's a cunt. 1.00

00:35:28.000 Look at her.

00:35:30.000 Look at her.

00:35:31.000 Laura Feiju.

00:35:32.000 How do you pronounce that last name?

00:35:33.000 Who cares?

00:35:34.000 Feiju Feiju.

00:35:37.000 Is that a Chinese last name, though?

00:35:40.000 That's probably why she was hired because they went, oh, her last name has an accent.

00:35:44.000 And then she's a gender. 0.99

00:35:45.000 And again, affirmative action hires, they feel compelled to do something. 0.54

00:35:45.000 She's in. 0.54

00:35:50.000 Oh, I was hired as a social justice warrior.

00:35:53.000 I better do social justice. 0.99

00:35:55.000 Okay, you're being too independent.

00:35:57.000 You're fired.

00:35:58.000 Like, if I was, if the Scottish lobby got me into government, I would feel compelled to do Scottish things.

00:36:06.000 Uh-oh, Robbie Burns night?

00:36:07.000 Okay, that's a national holiday.

00:36:09.000 Sorry, a municipal holiday.

00:36:11.000 Robbie Burns Night.

00:36:12.000 I mean, these guys got me in here.

00:36:13.000 It's the same with the bitch who fired Roseanne. 1.00

00:36:17.000 She had just been appointed the head of NBC, and she thought, oh, I better be a social justice warrior.

00:36:22.000 I'm a black woman, and I was hired for my black woman-ness.

00:36:26.000 So the second Roseanne dared to transgress and made a joke that could be interpreted as racist, fired. 1.00

00:36:33.000 That's what she did.

00:36:35.000 I spoke to a female cop once, or a girl who wants to become a female cop, because she's a female. 1.00

00:36:41.000 Is this the barmaid?

00:36:42.000 Yeah, and she already has ideas for how to change the whole system because it's inherently racist or whatever. 1.00

00:36:50.000 She hasn't even taken the test yet.

00:36:52.000 And she's already thinking of how to just restructure. 0.59

00:36:55.000 The NYPD is racist.

00:36:57.000 This is the same argument you see again and again.

00:37:00.000 If a group is doing badly, it's because of prejudice.

00:37:03.000 So if blacks are in prison, that's proof that there's racism.

00:37:06.000 If blacks aren't passing the fire department's exam, then the exam is racist.

00:37:11.000 You don't have to look at the actual exam.

00:37:13.000 You just look at the results.

00:37:15.000 Okay, then why are Asians so successful in mathematics? 1.00

00:37:19.000 Does that mean they're better?

00:37:20.000 Positive racism.

00:37:22.000 That's positive racism.

00:37:23.000 They just get pushed into that?

00:37:24.000 Yeah.

00:37:24.000 Like everything is, everyone is exactly the same, has the exact same talents.

00:37:29.000 So if a group is doing badly, it's someone else's fault.

00:37:32.000 That's shitty logic.

00:37:35.000 You know why women are not the predominant winners of Fields medals? 0.96

00:37:39.000 They don't seem to have a predilection for mathematics.

00:37:42.000 Sawy, you can fire Larry Summers as the president of Harvard for saying that.

00:37:47.000 Doesn't make it untrue.

00:37:50.000 Got a predilection for mathematics.

00:37:53.000 Very difficult predilection.

00:37:55.000 This reminds me of 1.4.

00:37:57.000 This is a slightly older item.

00:38:00.000 But in this communist world of feminism, where women can do no wrong, you also can't be fat. 1.00

00:38:08.000 Meaning, sorry, there's no such thing as overweight.

00:38:10.000 So first click on, this is a fitness expert who didn't call Lizzo fat.

00:38:15.000 She just said, why is everyone so proud of her for being fat? 0.78

00:38:18.000 I mean, they're going to be proud when she gets diabetes? 0.99

00:38:21.000 Right.

00:38:22.000 It's not going to be so awesome when she gets diabetes. 1.00

00:38:25.000 I've personally found, and I love celebrities like Lizzo or Ashley Graham who are really preaching self-acceptance.

00:38:30.000 I love her music.

00:38:31.000 Yeah, 100%.

00:38:32.000 I don't know anything about her.

00:38:33.000 I'm sure she's a cool, awesome chick. 1.00

00:38:35.000 Yeah, and I love that they're putting images out there that we normally don't get to see of bodies that we don't get to see being celebrated.

00:38:41.000 Why are we celebrating her body?

00:38:43.000 Why does it matter?

00:38:44.000 That's what I'm saying.

00:38:45.000 Like, why are we celebrating her music?

00:38:47.000 So she's saying, look, she's a disgusting fat pig, but I'm not going to call her that. 1.00

00:38:53.000 Let's just focus on the music.

00:38:55.000 So she's not saying criticize her.

00:38:56.000 She's saying don't glorify her fatness. 1.00

00:38:59.000 So she's In shit for saying, don't glorify obesity. 1.00

00:39:03.000 She's not criticizing the obese person.

00:39:05.000 She's saying, let's just not mention it.

00:39:08.000 See how far the pendulum has swung now?

00:39:10.000 Not only can you not criticize fat people, if you don't glorify them, urine shit. 0.96

00:39:16.000 If you don't focus on their awesome dying fatness, and Lizzo is a gigantic fat pig.

00:39:22.000 She's not big-boned like that Victoria's Secret model we like or Ashley Graham.

00:39:27.000 She's a fucking disgusting fat pig who has a giant ass sticking out of her gun. 1.00

00:39:35.000 And her ass itself is hideous because she's so fat. 1.00

00:39:38.000 It's just like a weird vagina. 1.00

00:39:41.000 And in the same breath that she's like, she sticks out.

00:39:44.000 She moons people at basketball games. 0.99

00:39:47.000 Look at her.

00:39:47.000 Is that her there?

00:39:48.000 Oh, no, no.

00:39:49.000 That's people mimicking her album code. 0.99

00:39:52.000 The only time she doesn't look like she's dying is when she has a corset holding in her disgusting obesity. 1.00

00:39:56.000 That looks painful.

00:39:57.000 Anyway, keep playing that clip.

00:39:59.000 Because this is the villains in today's day and age.

00:40:04.000 Because it isn't going to be awesome if she gets diabetes. 1.00

00:40:08.000 Well, I wouldn't ask you, I'm just being honest.

00:40:10.000 Like, I love her music.

00:40:12.000 Like, my kid loves her music, but there's never a moment where I'm like, and I'm so glad that she's overweight.

00:40:18.000 Like, why do I even care?

00:40:22.000 Why is it my job to care about her weight?

00:40:24.000 How uncontroversial can you get?

00:40:26.000 Yeah.

00:40:26.000 And then in the same breath, they'll tell you not to objectify Katy Perry.

00:40:29.000 Don't look at her pits, her music.

00:40:32.000 She's a fitness expert. 1.00

00:40:34.000 And she's in shit for not glorifying obesity. 1.00

00:40:37.000 Well, that's her job. 0.99

00:40:40.000 Also in feminism, I've noticed that some women are starting to realize the mess they've created for themselves. 1.00

00:40:48.000 You're fucking kidding me.

00:40:50.000 Again.

00:40:51.000 Yep.

00:40:52.000 Yep.

00:40:54.000 Yeah.

00:41:00.000 All right, movies, you've become an integral part of our society.

00:41:04.000 It's what married couples do on date night.

00:41:08.000 We go see a movie.

00:41:09.000 It's a great way to bond with the kids.

00:41:10.000 It's a great way for young people dating to spend some time together.

00:41:14.000 They're here to stay.

00:41:16.000 So I'm going to have to institute three rules for movies starting now.

00:41:20.000 Number one, no more logos at the beginning.

00:41:23.000 I don't fucking care who, what production company.

00:41:25.000 Am I shopping for production companies?

00:41:27.000 What percentage of the people watching the movie are considering production companies?

00:41:33.000 Hmm, should I go with Neon Entertainment or Carly Brothers?

00:41:38.000 Let me watch their dumb little short. 1.00

00:41:40.000 And so we see your stupid fucking logo that no one gives a shit about.

00:41:43.000 Stick it in the credits.

00:41:45.000 So someone really curious can, I don't even know why there's credits in the first place, too.

00:41:49.000 Oh, that was a key grip.

00:41:50.000 Surely it should just be a PDF that you could order online if you're that 0.0000001% of people who give a shit who worked on the fucking movie. 0.52

00:41:58.000 But we look at your dumb logos at the beginning.

00:42:01.000 Oh, great.

00:42:01.000 Okay.

00:42:02.000 Hey, it says neon and it's written in neon.

00:42:04.000 Whoa.

00:42:05.000 And then it says, then during the beginning credits, we have to see it again.

00:42:09.000 It says a neon production in association with Carly Boy's production.

00:42:15.000 And now the logos I just saw are written out in a different font.

00:42:18.000 Fuck off.

00:42:19.000 I don't want to see that.

00:42:20.000 Just start the movie for crying out loud.

00:42:23.000 Number two, I'm done with the uppy-downy volume shit.

00:42:27.000 You have some quiet couple having a whispering thing and I got to turn it up.

00:42:27.000 Okay?

00:42:31.000 My wife's deaf. 1.00

00:42:32.000 And then a train comes by and I got to run, grab the remote, and turn it down.

00:42:37.000 I'm sick of all this quiet, loud, quiet, loud, shaking the whole fucking house.

00:42:41.000 Our speakers are on the ceiling.

00:42:43.000 So when you have a train going, there's a train in the house.

00:42:47.000 The dog starts barking.

00:42:48.000 Fuck off.

00:42:51.000 Number three, all movies are now one hour and 20 minutes max.

00:42:56.000 No more fucking Irishman. 1.00

00:42:58.000 It's become a homework assignment.

00:43:00.000 We can't even get through them.

00:43:01.000 Like if I want the kids to go to bed at, say, 9, I got to start the movie at like 6 p.m.

00:43:06.000 So we're rushing through dinner to get to get ready for this movie.

00:43:11.000 Better hurry.

00:43:12.000 Actually, let's skip dinner and we'll just make popcorn.

00:43:14.000 We got to get this movie in.

00:43:15.000 Fuck that.

00:43:16.000 No one has three hours to spare.

00:43:18.000 Every human being likes an hour and 20.

00:43:21.000 That's why I get off my lawn is just over an hour because that's a normal amount for a thing.

00:43:27.000 Three hours is not a normal amount for a thing.

00:43:30.000 that's like a pretty good nap That dictator is messing with my rhythm here.

00:43:45.000 Yeah.

00:43:46.000 So I was saying that a lot of women are realizing that this world they created for themselves, this is 1.9, isn't that great? 0.99

00:43:54.000 And I called this a long time ago.

00:43:56.000 So I'm going to let her talk and then I'll explain that I predicted this issue.

00:44:04.000 There's a lot of radical feminists, though. 1.00

00:44:05.000 They're like, fuck all men.

00:44:06.000 You're like, fuck all men.

00:44:08.000 We can't do that.

00:44:11.000 But what they really mean is like, we don't need a man.

00:44:13.000 I'm like, well, who's going to take your air conditioner out?

00:44:18.000 You didn't take your air conditioner out, Sarah?

00:44:20.000 No, then we can't fuck all men.

00:44:23.000 Let's just keep it on a case-by-case basis like we've been doing.

00:44:31.000 It is a weird climate right now, you know.

00:44:33.000 Men don't know if they can help women. 0.98

00:44:35.000 Women don't know if they can accept help from men. 1.00

00:44:37.000 There have been a lot of rapes.

00:44:41.000 Just a buttload of rapes. 1.00

00:44:44.000 I do feel like all those rapes kind of put that cat calling video into perspective.

00:44:48.000 Remember when people were really upset?

00:44:50.000 They're like, men are whistling at women.

00:44:53.000 Now a couple years later, we're like, maybe that wasn't that bad.

00:44:59.000 I think she's talking about, when she says a lot of rapes, is she talking about like Epstein and Weinstein?

00:45:04.000 Yeah, that it's...

00:45:09.000 I think I fucked up this whole moment of the show.

00:45:12.000 Uh-oh.

00:45:13.000 Because I thought she was saying, I wish cat-calling would come back.

00:45:16.000 But she's not really saying that.

00:45:17.000 She's saying, cat-calling was awful, but things got way worse.

00:45:21.000 Okay, I fucked up.

00:45:24.000 My point, though, that the thing I did predict is when all that anti-cat calling shit was going down, I said, the only thing women hate more than being cat-called is the day it stops.

00:45:24.000 I kind of get it.

00:45:36.000 And if you live in New York City, you see, it's mostly black and Hispanic on black and Hispanic crime. 1.00

00:45:43.000 You rarely see whites do it, and it's rarely to white women. 1.00

00:45:46.000 And they love it.

00:45:48.000 So it's like, hey, mommy, you're beautiful.

00:45:51.000 God bless you.

00:45:52.000 When are we going to get together?

00:45:54.000 And she's like, oh, I don't know.

00:45:55.000 Maybe never.

00:45:56.000 Maybe sometime.

00:45:58.000 And then she walks away. 0.71

00:45:59.000 You're Puerto Rican.

00:46:00.000 You must do it all the time.

00:46:01.000 Well, I'm familiar with what you're talking about.

00:46:03.000 Yeah, sure.

00:46:04.000 Even my grandfather does that to my grandmother.

00:46:07.000 And they're not vulgar.

00:46:08.000 Like, they don't go, ah, I wish I was that bike seat.

00:46:11.000 Yeah, sit on it.

00:46:12.000 They're not Ronnie Mund.

00:46:13.000 Let me take you out. 1.00

00:46:14.000 It's always like, you're so beautiful, baby.

00:46:16.000 Oh, my God.

00:46:17.000 I would kill to be with you.

00:46:19.000 When are we going to go?

00:46:20.000 It's always really benign compliments.

00:46:22.000 Can you wear that same thing when we go on our date, honey?

00:46:25.000 Come on.

00:46:25.000 Exactly.

00:46:26.000 I just made that one up.

00:46:26.000 That's a perfect example.

00:46:29.000 It's the Puerto Rican of me.

00:46:30.000 I summoned it.

00:46:31.000 All right, I'm going to end my feminist rants with, this isn't that interesting of a video, but it's more to my point.

00:46:40.000 These women are creating this world where they're badass bitches, and now they're like fighting dudes. 1.00

00:46:46.000 So this chick, I think she was robbed, and I think it was those guys, but like get a cop or someone to handle this, she decides she's going to make them give her her money back, the money they stole from her purse. 0.99

00:46:58.000 Like, I'll handle this.

00:47:00.000 I mean, maybe a dude should handle this, but even a dude, like you're going to take on two thieves who are going to go to jail if they lose.

00:47:07.000 That's not an easy fight.

00:47:09.000 But if you're a five-foot-tall chick, like this, their world, their utopia is really dangerous for them. 0.58

00:47:16.000 It's actually a woman hell. 1.00

00:47:18.000 Feminists are making women's lives hell. 1.00

00:47:20.000 And this is a perfect example.

00:47:22.000 I don't give a fuck.

00:47:23.000 Empty your fucking pockets now.

00:47:25.000 I don't know what you're talking about.

00:47:27.000 Fuck you, dude, Dave.

00:47:29.000 I will fucking strip you down, dude. 0.53

00:47:31.000 Don't make me fucking do it.

00:47:32.000 I'm looking for $200 and fucking 20s.

00:47:36.000 I'm fucking called cops and they fuck come searching right now, motherfucker.

00:47:39.000 Fucking dirty fuck.

00:47:40.000 But $200 fucking dollars you stole out of my wallet, you dirty fuck.

00:47:44.000 Give me my fucking money back.

00:47:46.000 Now, I will strip you down, she says.

00:47:50.000 How tall is she? 1.00

00:47:51.000 Give me my fucking money.

00:47:51.000 Five feet?

00:47:53.000 You dirty drunk fuck.

00:47:54.000 We all know you fucking took my money. 0.84

00:47:57.000 Give it to me now.

00:47:57.000 We all know you took my money.

00:47:59.000 He won't empty his wallet or show me his fucking pocket.

00:48:04.000 No, fuck you.

00:48:05.000 I want $200 in 20s now.

00:48:09.000 I want $200 fucking dollars in 20s.

00:48:12.000 What are you talking about?

00:48:14.000 I want 200 fucking goddamn dollars in goddamn 20s now.

00:48:20.000 Motherfucker, you fucking fuck.

00:48:22.000 You fucking robbed my wallet.

00:48:23.000 I have $250 in it.

00:48:25.000 He doesn't do that.

00:48:27.000 Oh shit.

00:48:28.000 No.

00:48:30.000 Now you have money you can't do it.

00:48:31.000 Who was it, Dave?

00:48:32.000 Who was it?

00:48:34.000 I haven't watched this whole thing before.

00:48:37.000 Yeah, let's skip ahead.

00:48:37.000 Can we skip around?

00:48:41.000 He doesn't need to steal your shit.

00:48:43.000 I don't even know what you're talking about.

00:48:45.000 Absolutely no need for that, Kim.

00:48:47.000 I've never even met one.

00:48:48.000 Didn't what happened, Dave?

00:48:50.000 They did steal it.

00:48:52.000 Yeah, but that is good logic.

00:48:55.000 He convinced her.

00:48:56.000 So he's like, why would he need a motive to take your money, but he doesn't need your money?

00:48:59.000 He's going to get tons of it.

00:49:00.000 She's like, that's reasonable.

00:49:03.000 Good point.

00:49:06.000 All right.

00:49:07.000 So you are kidding me.

00:49:13.000 Dictator.

00:49:17.000 Yes I am, you did it.

00:49:20.000 you Yeah, no more rescuing sharks on the beach.

00:49:24.000 That's a predator.

00:49:25.000 It's going to bite my kids.

00:49:26.000 Let it fucking die.

00:49:29.000 I don't understand why people sit there with water buckets, pouring it on a shark and trying to get him back into water.

00:49:36.000 So you can do what?

00:49:37.000 Bite my kid? 0.97

00:49:38.000 No, he stays here.

00:49:40.000 He drowns or whatever fish do when they're not in water.

00:49:43.000 And you can go shovel them up, stuff them, maybe put them on your wall or something.

00:49:48.000 Why the fuck are you rescuing sharks?

00:49:49.000 Now, if we're out in the wild, I guess I get it.

00:49:52.000 Oh, if hammerheads are endangered, fucking biggest loser in the world of animals.

00:49:58.000 It's up there with the woolly mammoth as God's funniest joke.

00:50:03.000 But anyway, say they're endangered.

00:50:05.000 I guess I get it that you want to save them.

00:50:07.000 Just do that way out in the ocean.

00:50:09.000 I don't want to hear about it.

00:50:10.000 But as far as residential beaches, if you see something that is all teeth, who only lives to kill and doesn't even sleep, then let it fucking die.

00:50:22.000 Okay.

00:50:29.000 No.

00:50:30.000 One more subject before we get to the mailbag.

00:50:33.000 Because this, it leaks into trans. 0.94

00:50:39.000 I saw this.

00:50:41.000 Remember I had my ad agency shut down for saying that trans are mentally ill gays?

00:50:46.000 Well, they're not.

00:50:47.000 They're just women. 1.00

00:50:49.000 So if you see a trans woman on the street, just see a woman. 0.99

00:50:53.000 And there's nothing unusual about them.

00:50:56.000 They don't attack women with hijabs. 0.87

00:51:01.000 Look at this video.

00:51:02.000 Look at this video.

00:51:12.000 By the way, you know what's interesting about that?

00:51:14.000 Hijabs don't come off. 1.00

00:51:17.000 Like when you hear, oh, these redneck Nazis ripped off my hijab.

00:51:21.000 It's pinned on.

00:51:22.000 It's like a yarmulke.

00:51:23.000 It doesn't go flying off.

00:51:25.000 And he grabbed it there, and she's just like, what the fuck are you doing?

00:51:29.000 That's a she. 1.00

00:51:31.000 Well, she. 1.00

00:51:32.000 Z. Z, yes.

00:51:35.000 With a neckbeard.

00:51:36.000 Z. He has a beard.

00:51:41.000 A mini skirt and a beard.

00:51:46.000 Ew, is he just growing his beard like from his neck?

00:51:49.000 Yeah.

00:51:51.000 So harassing Muslims in Berlin is not easy.

00:51:57.000 Can't hit a lady. 1.00

00:51:58.000 You're going to be surrounded by Muslims Within seconds. 1.00

00:52:04.000 You have to learn how to fight like a girl, too.

00:52:04.000 That's interesting.

00:52:06.000 Like, he went all out.

00:52:08.000 That's the other thing.

00:52:09.000 They talk about trans as victims.

00:52:11.000 And I remember trannies in Montreal. 1.00

00:52:14.000 We used to go to this big circuit party called Black and Blue because, as straight guys, there were tons of drunk, horny sluts, fag hags. 1.00

00:52:22.000 I've always been a fag hag hag. 1.00

00:52:25.000 And you'd see the trannies there, and you'd just avoid them like the plague because they were psycho. 1.00

00:52:30.000 They'd be on masks.

00:52:30.000 They'd be puking and then dancing in their puke.

00:52:32.000 And they get in fights and they take off their high heels and use them as weapons.

00:52:37.000 Did you see Tucker pointed out?

00:52:39.000 He goes, wait a minute, wait a minute.

00:52:40.000 There's a trans murder epidemic?

00:52:43.000 You say there's 1.4 million people to identify as trans.

00:52:47.000 There's been 26 deaths last year.

00:52:50.000 My math isn't accurate, but you get the idea.

00:52:52.000 That's 1.8 per 100,000.

00:52:55.000 The average rate in America is 2.6 per 100,000.

00:53:00.000 So Ryan and I are more in danger of being killed than a tranny. 1.00

00:53:07.000 And I just thought when he did that, it's just simple math.

00:53:10.000 It took him like a second.

00:53:11.000 I bet, I know his producer.

00:53:13.000 I bet that guy just farted it out one day.

00:53:17.000 And you think, why can't politicians do that?

00:53:19.000 Like, remember there was that crazy black tranny who said, I want to talk to y'all motherfuckers about what's going on. 1.00

00:53:25.000 We are getting killed in the streets.

00:53:27.000 And that weird looking, he looks like a sort of a vagina, that Hispanic DNC presidential candidate, Jose Felipez or something, who's now dropped out. 1.00

00:53:37.000 But he's like, come, come to the stage.

00:53:39.000 I think Nancy Pelosi was there too.

00:53:41.000 And they're like, come, come to the stage.

00:53:42.000 And she's just screaming. 0.77

00:53:43.000 Wouldn't it be cool if he just went, are you talking about the trans epidemic? 0.99

00:53:48.000 I think 1.8 per 100,000 is not an epidemic, especially when the normal rate in America is 2.6 per 100,000.

00:53:55.000 So I'm not sure what you're talking about.

00:53:57.000 There was, what, 26 deaths in 2018?

00:54:01.000 That's not an epidemic.

00:54:02.000 I mean, more people died from furniture accidents.

00:54:07.000 Wouldn't it be cool if they just would do that?

00:54:09.000 They'd be familiar with it instead of like, yes, that's it.

00:54:14.000 It's because they're all fucking liars and they're Bolsheviks and they're only in it for the power. 0.99

00:54:21.000 You want some proof of that, by the way?

00:54:23.000 You want some easy proof?

00:54:26.000 Go to 3.8.

00:54:31.000 All you need to do to see how full of shit politicians are is go back a few years.

00:54:37.000 More low-road attacks from Hillary Clinton.

00:54:39.000 Now she's pushing a bogus gas tax gimmick. 1.00

00:54:42.000 Even Governor Easley called such plans a subsidy for oil companies.

00:54:46.000 They'll simply raise prices and pocket the difference.

00:54:48.000 Clinton AIDS admit it won't do much for you, but would help her politically. 0.97

00:54:53.000 So here's the choice: Clinton gimmicks that help big oil, or Barack Obama, a real energy plan, and a thousand-dollar middle-class tax cut to help families truly pay the bills.

00:55:05.000 I'm going to give you $1,000.

00:55:06.000 That's exactly Andrew Yang's campaign.

00:55:09.000 Everyone gets $1,000.

00:55:11.000 They're all so full of shit.

00:55:13.000 Anyway, this story I thought was really important to get to.

00:55:19.000 Milo's been raving about this.

00:55:20.000 There's like an Australian Milo Charlie Kirk kind of Nick Fuentes kid.

00:55:26.000 He's gay, but he's conservative, and he's against gay marriage.

00:55:29.000 He says marriage is between a man and a woman.

00:55:32.000 Heterosexual institution, it is. 0.81

00:55:35.000 And he also said drag queens shouldn't be teaching kids.

00:55:40.000 I mean, especially, we haven't verified these guys.

00:55:42.000 A lot of them end up being pedophiles.

00:55:44.000 Drag queens are not for kids. 1.00

00:55:45.000 So he went to a drag queen story hour with his friends, and they chanted, drag queens are not for kids.

00:55:53.000 Have you got that?

00:55:54.000 It's 2-2 and 2-3.

00:55:57.000 There it is.

00:55:58.000 What's with the zits?

00:56:14.000 They're perfectly symmetrical.

00:56:15.000 Oh, wow.

00:56:17.000 She gets shot by the predator from far away.

00:56:19.000 Those moles? 0.98

00:56:23.000 Did he used to have snake bite piercings?

00:56:29.000 I'm prepping now.

00:56:30.000 By the way, did the dick, Speaking of water parks, I was at Great Wolf Lodge this weekend.

00:56:36.000 Some woman had a piercing that was... 1.00

00:56:42.000 She had a piercing that was just like a blue dot, like not a dot, but a sphere, like a little ball.

00:56:49.000 It's a dermal.

00:56:50.000 A little blue ball.

00:56:52.000 Nothing else.

00:56:54.000 Yeah, that's two.

00:56:56.000 This was just one.

00:56:58.000 I don't get the physics of that.

00:56:59.000 Where does the other end go?

00:57:02.000 It's like a surgical thing.

00:57:04.000 I know it's.

00:57:04.000 It's a dermal implant.

00:57:05.000 You have to have something to attach on the other end.

00:57:07.000 Does it scoop in like a fish hook?

00:57:09.000 Yeah, something like that.

00:57:10.000 I think there's like a flat end to it.

00:57:12.000 Look.

00:57:12.000 Like, there you go.

00:57:13.000 See that?

00:57:14.000 I realized looking at all these people with tattoos that poor people have lots of tattoos because they are tribal. 0.98

00:57:23.000 And in cave days, they would be the ones who were used to fight wars.

00:57:29.000 They tend to have lower IQs and more testosterone and be more violent.

00:57:32.000 I'm one of them, by the way.

00:57:34.000 And so that's still in their DNA, but we don't fight wars anymore to that same sort of extent.

00:57:40.000 We don't need this big force of brawlers. 1.00

00:57:43.000 So they have markings on their body, warrior markings, tribalism.

00:57:49.000 I identify with this tribe.

00:57:51.000 Sometimes it's a fucking full-piece New York Yankees back tattoo.

00:57:57.000 But that was a thing.

00:57:59.000 Anyway, sorry, I can't believe I cut off in the middle.

00:58:02.000 What's this kid's name?

00:58:03.000 Go to 2-3.

00:58:05.000 So they start shitting on him, pressuring him, telling him he's going to die, giving him death threats, and eventually he kills himself.

00:58:15.000 He just kept getting shat on and threatened, and your name is ruined forever.

00:58:20.000 I'm sure they said faggot a million times, too.

00:58:22.000 The left always goes to epithets when they are really mad.

00:58:26.000 Wilson Gavin.

00:58:27.000 And there's this cunt. 1.00

00:58:28.000 This sort of links back to what I was saying with feminism and trans and everything.

00:58:33.000 There's this identical twins team called the Veronicas.

00:58:33.000 Go down.

00:58:38.000 There's one of them in the foreground there.

00:58:40.000 And that's just her lesbian lover. 1.00

00:58:43.000 They're calling it a trans male, but it's just a lesbian lover.

00:58:47.000 So they were shitting on him.

00:58:49.000 And you know, they're one of the most popular pop groups.

00:58:51.000 They're icons over there.

00:58:54.000 And he just couldn't take it.

00:58:55.000 He couldn't take the shame.

00:58:57.000 So because he dared to voice a strong opinion that is pretty benign, just like I was saying with that other chick, like she said, Lizzo shouldn't be celebrated.

00:59:07.000 What about if she gets diabetes? 0.75

00:59:08.000 Pretty standard stuff.

00:59:10.000 So this guy says, I'm not into gay marriage, which I would say half the country agrees with him. 1.00

00:59:15.000 And I'm not into Drag Queen Story Hour.

00:59:17.000 I would say more than half agrees with that.

00:59:20.000 I'm just pulling this out of my ass, but I'd say 60 to 70% of Americans are not down with Drag Queen Story Hour.

00:59:27.000 So benign opinions, and he gets harassed to death.

00:59:34.000 All right, let's go to the mailbag.

00:59:40.000 Oh, wait.

00:59:44.000 You're kidding me.

00:59:44.000 Right before you music.

00:59:45.000 It interrupts the music for the mailbag.

00:59:47.000 I don't know if it could interrupt the actual mailbag subject matter, though, so I think we're good after it.

00:59:53.000 Okay, this has to be the last one.

00:59:54.000 *Music*

01:00:02.000 No more live music.

01:00:07.000 Young people like that.

01:00:08.000 I find it too loud.

01:00:10.000 But I'm at a bar.

01:00:11.000 I'm not at a venue.

01:00:13.000 I'm not at Irving Plaza.

01:00:15.000 I'm not at Mercury Lounge.

01:00:16.000 I'm at my local bar.

01:00:18.000 And oh, God, the feeling of dread we get when we see mic stands and amps.

01:00:25.000 We go, oh, shit.

01:00:27.000 The carpet is down there for the drum kit.

01:00:29.000 And we go, oh, no, it's only a matter of time before some fat fuck baby boomer with his big gut sits down on a stool because he's too fat to stand, pulls out a guitar, and starts going, whistin away again, and my garridable. 0.65

01:00:45.000 It's worse than karaoke.

01:00:46.000 If I want to hear Jimmy Buffett, I'll go to the jukebox and put on Jimmy Buffett.

01:00:50.000 I don't even really approve of that.

01:00:51.000 I don't know why we have music or TVs or women in bars. 1.00

01:00:55.000 That's a whole other rant.

01:00:56.000 But live music sucks.

01:00:59.000 And it's so fucking loud.

01:01:02.000 This bar is like 30 feet by 20 feet.

01:01:06.000 Why do you have amps?

01:01:08.000 An acoustic guitar and a snare drum would be definitely loud.

01:01:12.000 But you're plugging it in so you can amplify that shitty sound?

01:01:17.000 I don't want to hear your covers of pop and rock songs.

01:01:22.000 If I did want to hear those songs, I would hear David Bowie do it.

01:01:26.000 I would hear Under Pressure by Freddie Mercury.

01:01:29.000 I'd hear the guy doing it.

01:01:31.000 I don't need to see you with some fucking lanky bassist going, doo doo, doo, doo doo, doo doo, doo doo do do do do do.

01:01:38.000 Stop playing music in bars.

01:01:41.000 It's loud, it's annoying, and it's not weird.

01:01:45.000 It's not magic.

01:01:46.000 If some guy does a crazy card trick, you go, oh, that's weird.

01:01:49.000 That must have taken a long time.

01:01:51.000 I'm blown away.

01:01:52.000 I'm not blown away by a guitar.

01:01:54.000 Everyone has a fucking guitar.

01:01:55.000 It's not impressive that you can play a song.

01:01:59.000 You're just basically masturbating really loud in my face.

01:02:04.000 And that's fucking gross.

01:02:06.000 Music.

01:02:08.000 Thank you.

01:02:12.000 Okay, are we done with that fucking dictator?

01:02:15.000 Yeah, I think the coast is clear.

01:02:16.000 Do you want to live in this, in my dictatorship?

01:02:19.000 Sounds pretty good to me.

01:02:21.000 I mean, it's not free.

01:02:23.000 I'm a libertarian against the government, and it's a contradiction to live in a dictatorship, and I'm against dictators.

01:02:31.000 But there's no flip-flops.

01:02:32.000 No one annoys you at the water park.

01:02:35.000 I guess I have to throw a shit ton of people in jail.

01:02:37.000 That's the bummer.

01:02:38.000 Oh, that's the punishment you get to actually go to jail?

01:02:41.000 By the way, speaking of two minds, I'm of two minds about de Blasio releasing all these people.

01:02:48.000 I've always said we have way too many men in cages for dumb crimes.

01:02:52.000 But like, this guy robbed a bank four times.

01:02:55.000 Then they let him go because he didn't use a gun.

01:02:57.000 He just uses a note.

01:02:59.000 And he himself said, I can't believe they let me out.

01:03:02.000 And then he went and robbed a fifth bank.

01:03:06.000 Yeah, Milo highlighted a couple of these things that happened.

01:03:08.000 There was one that the guy got arrested, then he broke the glass of the police station.

01:03:12.000 You got to show your face when you talk, right?

01:03:14.000 After they released him, they.

01:03:20.000 Hold on one second.

01:03:20.000 Let me see.

01:03:23.000 Everything's all with different sizes here.

01:03:28.000 Look, I'm behind you.

01:03:29.000 You can make your whole face the shot.

01:03:31.000 Whoa.

01:03:33.000 All right.

01:03:34.000 They apprehended this guy, and then they released him for some crime.

01:03:39.000 And then as he's leaving, he smashes the glass of the police station, and then they apprehend him and then release him again.

01:03:47.000 Right.

01:03:48.000 And we had that black woman who kept yelling fucking Jews. 1.00

01:03:52.000 Yeah.

01:03:53.000 Like three times.

01:03:55.000 She attacked Jewish people.

01:03:56.000 They arrested her, let her go. 1.00

01:03:58.000 They arrested her.

01:03:58.000 She did it again.

01:03:59.000 Then she did it again. 0.51

01:04:00.000 And then this one guy robbed the place three times and they let him go each time.

01:04:05.000 Not the bank, but a different time.

01:04:07.000 Bananas.

01:04:08.000 And then you have Juliani, who got really strict on turnstile jumping and turned New York from a disgusting, dangerous shithole that it was up until the 90s, including that cool clash years, and turned it into heaven on earth.

01:04:22.000 So I got to do some thinking about this prison shit.

01:04:25.000 But I do think drug crimes are ridiculous.

01:04:28.000 That'd be interesting for you to come up with actual punishments for these.

01:04:31.000 Like this gets you a year.

01:04:34.000 I'm interested.

01:04:35.000 I think I'll just arm the police with a coat hanger and a lighter, and you just cook it up.

01:04:41.000 And then if you have flip-flops on, I just go.

01:04:45.000 Wow.

01:04:46.000 So all these people will just have weird like lines.

01:04:49.000 So instead of billy clubs, they have a lighter lighter.

01:04:52.000 And they're just like, stay right there, or we're going to tase and shoot you.

01:04:55.000 Officer Menendez.

01:04:56.000 Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck.

01:04:57.000 That thing's getting hotter.

01:04:58.000 He has an oven mitt holding it.

01:05:00.000 And he's like, oh, yeah, it's getting hot.

01:05:03.000 It's like, Actually, holding this lighter is almost burning my thumb.

01:05:06.000 And then he gets it till it's like glowing, and then he just goes, Why did I wear flip-flops?

01:05:15.000 So many people would watch it, too.

01:05:16.000 It's like it would be like a natural, like, yeah, people would just make public hanging.

01:05:19.000 Yeah, guys getting burned.

01:05:21.000 Got a flip-flop, dude.

01:05:24.000 I like the idea of like they're making sure their clips are loaded, like they got their guns loaded, and then they also have butane in their lighters.

01:05:30.000 Do you have any more coat hangers?

01:05:31.000 I'm definitely planning.

01:05:33.000 This is NYPD on them?

01:05:34.000 Because after a while, they get gross.

01:05:36.000 They have bits of skin hanging off them and stuff.

01:05:38.000 You just throw them out.

01:05:40.000 There'd be coat hangers all over the ground with bits of skin. 0.97

01:05:42.000 People would think abortion is illegal. 1.00

01:05:45.000 No, those aren't botched abortions. 1.00

01:05:47.000 Those are from flip-flop.

01:05:49.000 Flip-flop carnage.

01:05:51.000 Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.

01:05:56.000 Let's turn our eyes to-*music* Karaoke is very expensive.

01:06:10.000 So here are some basic rules I need you to follow if we're all going to enjoy ourselves.

01:06:15.000 Because if you fuck this up, people are going to go, no, I'm not doing it.

01:06:20.000 Now, if we're renting a room, it can be as much as $180.

01:06:26.000 So I need everyone there to put in $20.

01:06:28.000 Didn't sing?

01:06:29.000 I don't give a fuck.

01:06:31.000 Everyone pays.

01:06:33.000 You don't want to pay?

01:06:34.000 Don't go.

01:06:35.000 There's no spectators at a karaoke thing.

01:06:37.000 Now, I understand if you're shy, that's gay. 0.87

01:06:40.000 That's lame.

01:06:41.000 You're a pussy. 1.00

01:06:42.000 But you showed up here, so you're part of it.

01:06:44.000 You're at the rock concert.

01:06:46.000 Just because you didn't stand up and clap doesn't mean you don't need to pay for your Billy Joel ticket.

01:06:51.000 So number one rule, you need to pay your share.

01:06:56.000 I fucking lost it on this one bitch who refused to pay and she snuck out after. 1.00

01:07:01.000 And I would always end up getting the bill and I'd have to cover the cost and I'd end up spending like 80 bucks.

01:07:06.000 I'd go, this isn't fun for me.

01:07:08.000 I don't want to spend $80 to do fucking karaoke.

01:07:12.000 And I followed her.

01:07:14.000 We went to this different bar.

01:07:16.000 Jamie was her name.

01:07:17.000 She was a hot chick, hot Jewish chick. 0.82

01:07:19.000 And she'd bullied my friend Leslie Arfin when they were in high school because she was hot and she was in the in crowd and Leslie was poor and her parents were divorced. 1.00

01:07:27.000 And so I already had it out for her because I was like, you fucking bullied my friend, you cunt. 0.88

01:07:31.000 And we go to the other bar and I go, Jamie, hey.

01:07:34.000 And I'd already said in my head, if she fucking lies to me, I'm going to snap. 1.00

01:07:37.000 And I go, Jamie, what's, did you, what's what I'm paying?

01:07:42.000 And she goes, oh, yeah, yeah.

01:07:42.000 Did you pay?

01:07:43.000 I paid the bouncer on the way out.

01:07:45.000 Such an obvious lie.

01:07:46.000 You don't pay the fucking bouncer.

01:07:49.000 And I just went, you lying chap, bitch. 1.00

01:07:53.000 And the bouncer kicked me out of the bar. 0.83

01:07:55.000 It was Mars bar.

01:07:57.000 And I felt kind of bad.

01:07:58.000 And my girlfriend at the time, who was now my wife, was pissed at me. 1.00

01:08:01.000 And she said, I get that you are mad, but why'd you have to make it racial?

01:08:04.000 And then I felt bad about that.

01:08:06.000 And I was talking to my other friend, Mark.

01:08:07.000 And I go, I'm kind of in trouble with Blobs for calling Jamie a lying jab bitch. 1.00

01:08:12.000 And he goes, well, is she Jewish?

01:08:14.000 Yeah.

01:08:15.000 Is she American?

01:08:16.000 Yeah.

01:08:17.000 Is she a princess?

01:08:18.000 Totally.

01:08:19.000 Was she being a bitch? 1.00

01:08:20.000 Yeah.

01:08:22.000 What's the issue here?

01:08:23.000 Anyway, people not paying can make you mad.

01:08:26.000 That's rule number one.

01:08:27.000 Rule number two, you need to sound like the guy.

01:08:31.000 So if you're going to do little red Corvette by Prince, you have to have a high-pitched voice.

01:08:36.000 I don't want to hear you going, little red Corve.

01:08:39.000 You have to be like, little red Corvette.

01:08:43.000 Baby, you got to slow.

01:08:45.000 And you can be the other guy.

01:08:46.000 Got to slow down.

01:08:48.000 Little.

01:08:49.000 So sound like him.

01:08:50.000 If you're doing Elvis Costello, pump it up.

01:08:52.000 You got to sound like the guy in the song.

01:08:55.000 Be him.

01:08:56.000 Bruce Springsteen, you got to rasp up your voice.

01:08:59.000 They blew up the chicken man in Philly last night and they burned down his house too.

01:09:08.000 Yeah, you're going to cough.

01:09:09.000 So we're here to simulate the song as much as possible.

01:09:12.000 If you don't know how to sound like that person and you have a deep voice and you can't do Prince, you can't do Prince.

01:09:19.000 Rule number three.

01:09:22.000 Don't do a funny voice.

01:09:24.000 That's not funny.

01:09:26.000 Like, the only exception to this is the Lannis Morris set.

01:09:30.000 Ironic.

01:09:31.000 I've been known to sing the chorus in a hardcore way, like, it's like great!

01:09:37.000 I'm not even sure that's okay.

01:09:39.000 But if it is, that's the only exception to the rule.

01:09:43.000 When you're doing a song, as I just said in the previous rule, you have to sound like the song.

01:09:47.000 So I could actually sort of wrap this up in the previous one.

01:09:50.000 Don't do a funny voice.

01:09:51.000 Joke songs are not funny and it's embarrassing.

01:09:54.000 Plus, we get the joke like four seconds in, and now we have to sit for another three minutes and watch you doing your funny, jokey voice, which is really just repeating the same joke again and again and again.

01:10:08.000 What else?

01:10:11.000 Don't choose rap.

01:10:14.000 Rap is really, really hard.

01:10:16.000 And I know you think you know this song, but you only know the chorus.

01:10:20.000 You don't know all the crazy parts.

01:10:22.000 So what we end up hearing is just you reading a teleprompter going, and you gotta go to jail when I get fat.

01:10:28.000 And motherfuckers be front me. 1.00

01:10:29.000 And I stand up to them.

01:10:31.000 And I'm saying, yo, bitch, I'm Paris. 0.69

01:10:32.000 I'm six feet two.

01:10:33.000 I'm deadly as ice.

01:10:34.000 The power of nice.

01:10:35.000 And you're like, I don't need to listen to you fucking bark at a rhyming teleprompter.

01:10:40.000 So the only time you can do rap is if you're a big rap fan, basically a rapper, and you have this song totally memorized 100%.

01:10:49.000 You know what?

01:10:50.000 I might even make that another one.

01:10:51.000 No, I'll roll that into that one.

01:10:53.000 Now I'm going to go over five.

01:10:56.000 Fuck.

01:10:57.000 All right.

01:10:57.000 I'm doing another one.

01:10:59.000 Another rule.

01:11:00.000 Don't do the song unless you can basically sing it without looking at the lyrics.

01:11:07.000 The lyrics should be there to remind you of how the song goes and maybe catch you once or twice.

01:11:13.000 But I don't want to see you sitting there reading the song like you, like Sister Christian. 1.00

01:11:17.000 Sister Christian, you're the only one. 0.99

01:11:22.000 You remember that part.

01:11:23.000 You're motoring, but you don't remember any of the verses.

01:11:26.000 So you have to rely on the teleprompter.

01:11:27.000 And that's not fun for me.

01:11:29.000 I want you to have the Song basically memorized before you stand up there with the mic.

01:11:35.000 Which brings us to the final rule.

01:11:36.000 I believe this is number six now.

01:11:38.000 Don't fucking do bad out of hell.

01:11:41.000 I think this song is 10 minutes long.

01:11:43.000 It's got like it's basically nine songs.

01:11:46.000 And I don't need to be hearing you do nine songs for 10 minutes.

01:11:51.000 Maybe I'll go get a beer and take a piss or something while you fucking bleather on your Jim Steinman meatloaf shit.

01:11:58.000 It's really boring to hear someone sing Bad of the Hill.

01:12:01.000 So please don't do it.

01:12:03.000 Gavin's mailbag.

01:12:06.000 Let me touch it.

01:12:11.000 Brandon is telling us that Gwyneth Paltrow has a vagina-scented candle.

01:12:18.000 That is fucking ancient news.

01:12:20.000 Thank you for telling us ancient news.

01:12:24.000 Is it true, though?

01:12:25.000 Yes, Ryan, who's never heard of anything ever.

01:12:28.000 There was a funny Joe Rogan Instagram where he had he was having a fish, and I guess they lighted on fire, and he goes, just hanging out here with my vagina-scented candle.

01:12:40.000 All right, next letter, Gray Brain.

01:12:43.000 Mr. McInnes, can you confirm that this is you farting at the 235 mark as some sort of exclamation point, if you will, and getting good at it to the excellent point you had just made.

01:13:01.000 So I don't know what's taking you so long.

01:13:03.000 235?

01:13:03.000 Let's hope vexes aren't when Sonia Sotomayor is menstruating or something, or just before she's going to menstruate.

01:13:10.000 That would be really bad.

01:13:12.000 Lord knows what we would get then.

01:13:14.000 You know what's a fucking trip?

01:13:17.000 I did a segment on Kennedy's show once called If I Was a Dictator.

01:13:22.000 And I had shit like burn your feet with flip-flops.

01:13:22.000 Huh.

01:13:25.000 And she goes, so I think we're seeing why it would be bad if you ran the country.

01:13:29.000 And I go, oh, yeah, beyond the shadow of a doubt.

01:13:31.000 It would be much more terror-induced than fucking North Korea. 0.90

01:13:36.000 Just quality of life terror.

01:13:38.000 Just living in constant fear of my dictums.

01:13:41.000 Name that sexist.

01:13:42.000 Rush Limbaugh, B, Gordon Liddy, or C, Donald Trump.

01:13:46.000 Are we at 235?

01:13:48.000 Oh, that's too hard.

01:13:49.000 219 goes.

01:13:49.000 Isn't it beholden upon?

01:13:54.000 But is he wrong?

01:13:57.000 Judges are much more lenient after lunch.

01:14:00.000 So you've seen ladies that time. 1.00

01:14:02.000 That's worse than an empty stomach.

01:14:04.000 Okay.

01:14:05.000 There you go.

01:14:05.000 Quote number four in Nani.

01:14:07.000 What was that?

01:14:07.000 That's worse than an empty stomach.

01:14:10.000 And you lurch forward and you say empty stomach.

01:14:10.000 Okay.

01:14:14.000 I don't remember that.

01:14:16.000 Can we see that again?

01:14:18.000 Yeah.

01:14:20.000 That's worse than an empty stomach.

01:14:20.000 Time.

01:14:22.000 Okay.

01:14:23.000 Quote number four.

01:14:26.000 That's worse than an empty stomach.

01:14:28.000 You lurch forward.

01:14:28.000 Okay.

01:14:31.000 Yeah, I think I was.

01:14:33.000 I think you're right, caller.

01:14:36.000 You know, there's always this kind of like Fraudian slip thing, like where the guy.

01:14:39.000 Fraudian?

01:14:39.000 Is that like Freudian being fraudulent?

01:14:42.000 Freudian slip.

01:14:42.000 Yes.

01:14:44.000 Who was the candidate who Smallwell?

01:14:47.000 Smallwell?

01:14:48.000 Whatever?

01:14:48.000 Before he farted, he said something about like big gas or something, and then he farted.

01:14:54.000 And then there's another slip up where, like, Larry King said something.

01:14:57.000 They always refer to...

01:15:03.000 Yeah.

01:15:04.000 I think that was the show where I got banned from Fox for six months.

01:15:08.000 For farting?

01:15:09.000 No, I do this dumb joke where when I'm getting mic'd, I pretend it's freezing cold because they go up your shirt, right?

01:15:18.000 Although that doesn't look like it's up my shirt, so maybe that wasn't the particular.

01:15:22.000 So I always just, I go, oh my God, that's freezing.

01:15:25.000 And everyone was laughing.

01:15:26.000 And then I go, at least my gynecologist warms the, fucking, I wrecked the joke, but the whatever.

01:15:32.000 Speculum?

01:15:33.000 Speculum before he puts it in.

01:15:36.000 And then everyone laughed harder at that.

01:15:38.000 And I got kind of drunk with the attention.

01:15:40.000 And then I said, I can feel my cunt lips crawling up inside me. 1.00

01:15:44.000 That's the one.

01:15:45.000 And then the makeup artist complained to Human Resources. 0.81

01:15:49.000 I think she thought this would be a quick cash cow.

01:15:51.000 Apparently her boyfriend was a lawyer.

01:15:54.000 And they just said, we'll just ban him and then make sure he's never on the same floor as her. 0.91

01:16:00.000 So every time I was scheduled, she would either be on the second or the first floor away from me because they didn't want to get sued.

01:16:06.000 And they love the G-Dog so much that they didn't want to.

01:16:09.000 That is one of those things where you complain, let's say, about food.

01:16:13.000 So you're predicting you're going to get it free.

01:16:15.000 And then you get something else and they make it right.

01:16:17.000 and you're like, no, that's not what I wanted.

01:16:18.000 She wanted you to...

01:16:21.000 Yeah, Ryan, analogies are to elucidate something that's foggy.

01:16:25.000 No, it's not analogy.

01:16:26.000 Everyone knew what was going on.

01:16:28.000 Yes, it is an analogy.

01:16:29.000 No, it's an example of like when you complain to get a certain result and then they give you another result.

01:16:33.000 Can you just shut up, please?

01:16:34.000 Yes.

01:16:35.000 Steven Werner, no pomegranates, bitch. 1.00

01:16:40.000 Pomegranates.

01:16:42.000 No, no, no, no, no, pomegranates.

01:16:46.000 Thank you, Stephen, for a two-year-old viral video.

01:16:50.000 That's very helpful.

01:16:52.000 I'm sure we discussed it.

01:16:53.000 I can't really remember two years ago.

01:16:58.000 Anyway, fuck you.

01:16:59.000 Thanks for your shit.

01:17:00.000 Don't send me things that are incredibly popular.

01:17:03.000 Don't send me viral videos that have millions of views.

01:17:05.000 I've seen them.

01:17:07.000 My job is to know what is viral.

01:17:10.000 What is popular?

01:17:11.000 What's going around?

01:17:12.000 When you send me something popular that's two fucking years old, I assume you're in your 60s.

01:17:18.000 Boomer.

01:17:20.000 Andy Brownhill, Australia on Fire and Drag Queen Storytime Outrage.

01:17:24.000 This is what we just talked about.

01:17:27.000 Blah, blah, blah.

01:17:30.000 Tell me about the guy.

01:17:31.000 I don't normally get involved in this sort of social defecation, but in this instance, I felt compelled and simply said that I failed to see the controversy that drag queens are not for kids.

01:17:40.000 I was utterly flabbergasted.

01:17:42.000 Don't say flabbergasted.

01:17:44.000 That's like atrocious and horrid.

01:17:46.000 I ban those words.

01:17:48.000 The dictator's going to have banned words.

01:17:50.000 Whom?

01:17:51.000 Atrocious, horrid, flabbergasted.

01:17:55.000 Wearing?

01:17:56.000 Dapper.

01:17:57.000 Whenever you wear a suit, people go, wow, you're looking dapper.

01:18:00.000 Do you know any other fucking adjectives besides dapper?

01:18:04.000 Jesus Christ.

01:18:07.000 That this turned out to be an extremely on top popular opinion with majority of commenters, blah, blah, the drag queens. 0.90

01:18:12.000 Do you think that this is in fact the more popular opinion?

01:18:15.000 So I've already discussed that.

01:18:16.000 I told you.

01:18:17.000 70% of Americans think drag queens are not for kids.

01:18:20.000 I'm sure Australia is about the same.

01:18:23.000 On another note, the Tranding article is apparently going to sue these protesters.

01:18:28.000 For what?

01:18:28.000 Who bloody knows?

01:18:30.000 Here is a very left article on the matter for reference.

01:18:32.000 I like you more than a friend.

01:18:35.000 Drag queens reading to kids.

01:18:38.000 Why are drag queens reading to kids? 1.00

01:18:41.000 Who made that a thing?

01:18:43.000 Yeah, the premise is that gay kids are getting bullied.

01:18:47.000 They're not.

01:18:50.000 Gay kids are not bullied.

01:18:51.000 It's cool to be gay in 2020.

01:18:54.000 But say they were.

01:18:56.000 Okay, then I'd understand you having a gay guy do story time.

01:19:00.000 Hi, everyone.

01:19:00.000 My name's Ray, and I'm here to, I was going to say Rachel.

01:19:05.000 And I'm here to read a story.

01:19:07.000 And I'm actually a nice guy.

01:19:08.000 So if you see a little kid that's like a young me, don't beat him up.

01:19:11.000 Okay, there's kind of a point there, sort of, but I had to make gay bullying a thing. 0.50

01:19:17.000 But you didn't do that.

01:19:18.000 You didn't, you took the kookiest, weirdest thing that gays have to offer, which is drag queens. 1.00

01:19:24.000 And I know gays who think drag queens are stupid and gay and ridiculous. 0.91

01:19:29.000 Like my buddy.

01:19:31.000 What the fuck was his name?

01:19:34.000 I forgot his name.

01:19:35.000 Johnny.

01:19:37.000 Johnny and Roswell.

01:19:39.000 And Johnny goes, there was this drag queen that was hanging around. 0.99

01:19:43.000 This one I lived upstate.

01:19:45.000 And his name was Hot Mess.

01:19:50.000 That was the name of the drag queen, I believe.

01:19:52.000 And so we talked to her for a bit.

01:19:54.000 And then I was like, this isn't relaxing.

01:19:56.000 And he goes, he agreed that Johnny the Fag agreed with me. 0.99

01:19:59.000 And he goes, it's like talking to a clown.

01:20:01.000 Like, are you a character right now?

01:20:03.000 Or are you you?

01:20:04.000 Can we talk about Iran?

01:20:06.000 Do we talk about how no one was walking?

01:20:08.000 By the way, I don't cover Iran because I don't give a shit about other countries. 0.97

01:20:11.000 They all suck.

01:20:12.000 Fuck Iran. 0.96

01:20:12.000 Fuck Hong Kong. 0.96

01:20:13.000 I wish you nothing but the best while you try to fix your shitty country.

01:20:16.000 I'm not interested.

01:20:17.000 But yeah, you don't know how to, like, how do you talk to that guy?

01:20:21.000 When is he done being the character?

01:20:23.000 And when are you talking about economics?

01:20:28.000 All right, I think we're running out of time here.

01:20:29.000 Let's do some more.

01:20:31.000 This is from a Greek named Stavros.

01:20:34.000 Gedai, Gavin.

01:20:36.000 It must be Australian Greek, or as they call them in South Africa, Sikyevas.

01:20:42.000 Writing to you to get your thoughts on a situation that my mate recently found himself in.

01:20:47.000 He was dating this super hot psycho. 0.59

01:20:49.000 Oh, I wonder what that's like to have your friend dating a super hot psycho.

01:20:53.000 Must be weird.

01:20:55.000 Who was a nine, both in looks and in IQ points.

01:20:59.000 That's fucking rare.

01:21:00.000 She either grew up in the country, had a handicapped sibling, or had a parent die at a young age.

01:21:10.000 For some context, we're all in our 20s and work in the Australian music scene.

01:21:13.000 They met through mutual friends, blah, blah, blah.

01:21:15.000 Yeah, I don't need context.

01:21:16.000 After a few months of dating, they moved into an apartment together.

01:21:19.000 She was a whiny bitch who would start an argument in an empty room, and their relationship was starting to buckle under this pressure. 1.00

01:21:26.000 I'm struggling to care here.

01:21:28.000 He would frequently share details of their relationship to us, which primarily consisted of arguing about petty bullshit.

01:21:34.000 You mean like this email?

01:21:36.000 But this one time it was different.

01:21:37.000 He explained to us how he occasionally snores at night.

01:21:39.000 She was so pissed off by this that she forced him to put, and this is in all caps, electrical tape over his fucking mouth while sleeping.

01:21:51.000 The boys and I were shocked when he told us this, so we did what any good mate would do, brutally take the piss out of him for months.

01:21:57.000 I could not comprehend this level of pussy, and I was hoping to see what you think about this. 1.00

01:22:01.000 Is it as gay as my mates and I think? 0.51

01:22:03.000 That turned out to be a great letter.

01:22:06.000 This is why we need masculinity. 1.00

01:22:09.000 This is why men need to be around men.

01:22:11.000 This is why we need bars.

01:22:13.000 This is why I invented the Proud Boys.

01:22:15.000 This is why men's clubs were invented.

01:22:17.000 We break your balls, and it's to make you a better person.

01:22:21.000 You are with a lunatic who is literally putting your life in danger.

01:22:26.000 You could fucking suffocate from that shit.

01:22:30.000 Dump that stupid, crazy bitch. 1.00

01:22:34.000 She won't have those looks forever, and soon you'll be stuck with an ugly lunatic as opposed to a hot lunatic. 1.00

01:22:43.000 I was saying that all morning, by the way.

01:22:45.000 For some reason.

01:22:46.000 It's like a song getting stuck in your head.

01:22:48.000 Anyway, that's all the time we have for today.

01:22:51.000 This is a jam-packed episode.

01:22:53.000 I hope you enjoyed it.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - January 13, 2020

S02E110 - THE DICTATOR [2020-01-13 - S02E110 - THE DICTATOR]

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