Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S02E140 - FROM THE BUNKER： HUSTLERS [2020-03-23 - S02E140 - FROM THE BUNKER： HUSTLERS]

00:00:09.000 Anyone follow you?

00:00:10.000 I was not followed.

00:00:12.000 Okay.

00:00:12.000 Hi, everyone.

00:00:13.000 We can't shoot in the studio this week, so we're going to shoot from the bunker.

00:00:17.000 Come on in.

00:00:17.000 Let's watch a movie.

00:00:18.000 Ooh! 0.96

00:00:19.000 Let's watch hustlers with the sound off, and we'll try to guess the plot.

00:00:23.000 I have a feeling it won't be very difficult.

00:00:25.000 Come on.

00:00:26.000 Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin Mitchell.

00:00:45.000 Get it!

00:00:46.000 Wait, look at this.

00:00:47.000 $400 on this thing.

00:00:49.000 What?

00:00:51.000 Buy from $7.99.

00:00:54.000 Is that Constance Wu that you were talking about?

00:00:56.000 Yep.

00:00:57.000 Constance Wu.

00:00:59.000 Okay, here we go.

00:01:00.000 She's like Esther Koo.

00:01:02.000 She doesn't look anything like Esther Koo, you racist.

00:01:06.000 They don't all look the same.

00:01:08.000 All right, volume going off.

00:01:10.000 Yeah.

00:01:11.000 So you're just going to enjoy us.

00:01:12.000 This is not sort of like, what's that monster boat super robot theater?

00:01:17.000 But without any of the volume.

00:01:19.000 I love your logos.

00:01:20.000 Thanks for showing us your logos.

00:01:22.000 We'll take a note of that next time we make a blockbuster.

00:01:25.000 We'll make sure we work with you.

00:01:26.000 Hey, I saw your work.

00:01:28.000 The fuck is that?

00:01:29.000 Why is that a thing?

00:01:30.000 Constant Wu is a two.

00:01:33.000 That's not very cool looking.

00:01:35.000 Oh, so they're starting in the middle, I guess.

00:01:38.000 Constance Wu is a smoke show. 1.00

00:01:40.000 I give her like an eight.

00:01:42.000 In this movie, she looks like shiznit. 0.82

00:01:46.000 She looks like a 5.8. 1.00

00:01:52.000 Is this a not safe for work movie?

00:01:56.000 Yes.

00:01:58.000 Well, actually, I don't know.

00:02:00.000 I saw most of it over someone's shoulder on the plane.

00:02:03.000 And I don't remember like fox scenes, but there's a lot of sexy ladies. 1.00

00:02:07.000 That's actually why I came up with this idea because it's just hot chicks moving around. 1.00

00:02:12.000 And the plot is irrelevant.

00:02:14.000 It's like candy, which is what strip clubs are. 1.00

00:02:17.000 You know, you don't go there to get horny.

00:02:21.000 The way I always defended strip clubs, because a lot of my friends hate them, is you're talking to your buddy, and there's just beautiful flowers going on in the background.

00:02:27.000 this movie's the same way.

00:02:35.000 And they're not flowers also.

00:02:37.000 They're human beings.

00:02:38.000 No, that's...

00:02:46.000 Okay, I heard Constance Wu went to a bunch of strip clubs to practice for this. 1.00

00:02:50.000 I'll probably.

00:02:51.000 Cardi B loves strip clubs. 0.87

00:02:54.000 She's a motherfucking goes to the bat room. 1.00

00:02:54.000 Is she in this? 1.00

00:02:58.000 Is she in this?

00:02:58.000 Yes.

00:02:59.000 Okay.

00:03:00.000 And I think her lines include the word motherfucking. 1.00

00:03:04.000 That's a good question about the airplane stuff, though.

00:03:06.000 Are you allowed to watch things with nudity?

00:03:08.000 Or do they have them available because there could be a child next to you or behind you?

00:03:12.000 What the fuck is this?

00:03:14.000 I've noticed my shit keeps doing this.

00:03:16.000 This is a mutiny.

00:03:17.000 All right, so there's probably some let...

00:03:21.000 Some sort of a hip-hop trap.

00:03:24.000 Or reggaeton.

00:03:25.000 There's a sexy lady dancing around in the glass. 1.00

00:03:29.000 I never really got those glass high heels.

00:03:31.000 Why that's attractive to people.

00:03:33.000 I'd rather have high heel high heels.

00:03:35.000 Maybe if the high heel is obstructing a nipple or a butt, you can see through it so it doesn't actually...

00:03:43.000 Okay, so you gotta go.

00:03:44.000 You gotta go dance with her.

00:03:46.000 Come on, I'm Constance Wu.

00:03:47.000 a movie star that hated being on that Eddie Chow series Fresh Off the Boat.

00:03:51.000 Now I'm finally...

00:03:55.000 Fresh Off the Boat.

00:03:57.000 I saw when they started including Asians more into pop culture.

00:04:01.000 It happened really slow.

00:04:02.000 It's clearly not going well.

00:04:06.000 The guys sit and drink with their boss as a favor, and the girls just do porno where they hump dudes. 0.99

00:04:12.000 See, this is the movie.

00:04:14.000 It's just hot chicks humping dudes. 1.00

00:04:17.000 But I think what's going to happen is she's probably going to...

00:04:19.000 I think that she has a taste for ripping guys off, because first she's like, oh, I can just retrain his pocket.

00:04:27.000 I think you're supposed to hate the dudes at this point.

00:04:30.000 You're supposed to go, what a bunch of pigs. 1.00

00:04:32.000 Meanwhile, that are supporting me.

00:04:33.000 They're totally reverent.

00:04:35.000 They adore women. 0.95

00:04:36.000 They're super nice.

00:04:37.000 They don't go, hey, hey, you stupid bitch. 1.00

00:04:39.000 Oh, there's Cardi B. Just yanked her hair back. 1.00

00:04:43.000 I bet Constance Ru that kind of pissed her off in the movie when they shot that. 1.00

00:04:47.000 She was like, because she yanked her hair back? 1.00

00:04:49.000 Oh, maybe.

00:04:50.000 You have to do it that hard, you fucking bitch. 1.00

00:04:52.000 Yeah, it is weird.

00:04:53.000 I bet they're both bitches, Constance and Cardi. 1.00

00:04:56.000 A lot of girls with the first letter C in their name are cunts. 1.00

00:05:01.000 It's like their names in the city.

00:05:02.000 Okay, so wait a minute.

00:05:03.000 We know what's happening here, right?

00:05:04.000 She gets the money.

00:05:05.000 She has to trade it in for tokens, and he's like, yo, you come back Thursday.

00:05:09.000 You've got to give me that money.

00:05:10.000 It's a pretty good Dobb David off impression.

00:05:12.000 And then you get your cut, and then she's counting your money, and she's realizing, fuck, I made like 200 bucks.

00:05:19.000 Meanwhile, a stripper who looks like that, A, their laundry is way too fancy, but a stripper who looks like that, she's taking home some serious dime. 1.00

00:05:27.000 Like $500.

00:05:28.000 I get it now.

00:05:29.000 The plot point they're putting in here is Constance, who is this hard-working family woman and not just some fucking slut cokehead. 1.00

00:05:38.000 Look, she has a nice house in Queens. 1.00

00:05:41.000 And she is probably a mom.

00:05:44.000 And she's just trying to make a living, but you can't make a living stripping. 1.00

00:05:48.000 There's no money in it.

00:05:49.000 It's hard to be an honest, hard-working, blue-collar mom. 0.99

00:05:52.000 This is total fucking horseshit.

00:05:56.000 They're always some slut's daughter slut. 1.00

00:06:00.000 They're never making money for their poor geriatric old poor crazy Asian. 1.00

00:06:07.000 There might be an occasion.

00:06:09.000 Here, mom, I get your money. 0.98

00:06:11.000 Come on, let's see if she take it. 1.00

00:06:12.000 It smells bad.

00:06:13.000 It's so beautiful.

00:06:14.000 You walk hard all day at the library teaching people astrophysics.

00:06:20.000 This is such a lie.

00:06:22.000 So this whole movie is justifying these women robbing men. 0.98

00:06:26.000 But the true story of a stripper is they tend to be like, Yes, single moms, but living with their baby daddy or some other gang member or their mom. 0.89

00:06:36.000 Not like that, not raising money for their mom.

00:06:38.000 Their mom's fine.

00:06:40.000 And yeah, this is just a horseshit lie.

00:06:45.000 And then the idea that they're so poor, they're going broke.

00:06:48.000 They have tons and tons of money.

00:06:50.000 Okay, J-Lo is unbelievably hot in this movie.

00:06:54.000 Really?

00:06:55.000 Oh, I keep forgetting you're gay. 1.00

00:06:57.000 I never had a thing for her.

00:06:58.000 Oh, yeah?

00:06:59.000 What about that?

00:06:59.000 Have you got a thing for her?

00:07:00.000 I've actually never seen her bare ass before. 1.00

00:07:02.000 Just in, like, clothes.

00:07:05.000 How old is she? 0.98

00:07:07.000 She is 64.

00:07:09.000 Okay, that's a lie.

00:07:10.000 She's a grandma.

00:07:13.000 And my balls are her grandkids. 1.00

00:07:15.000 And it's time that they came to visit.

00:07:18.000 It's time to play.

00:07:20.000 You're spending the weekends at Granny. 0.74

00:07:22.000 What happens if Granny stays at Granny's? 0.99

00:07:25.000 That's a very attractive young lady.

00:07:27.000 Old lady. 0.99

00:07:28.000 This is kind of the whole point of the movie, by the way.

00:07:31.000 Like, what percentage of this film's popularity is seeing J-Lo strip?

00:07:37.000 A good amount.

00:07:38.000 At least of it.

00:07:38.000 Even for Constance Wu.

00:07:40.000 Even Constance Wu is like, this is the whole movie right here.

00:07:44.000 Kweef. 0.50

00:07:49.000 People pay good money for Kweefs these days.

00:07:51.000 Yeah, that's a $5 bill right there.

00:07:55.000 Remember the movie Striptease?

00:07:58.000 No.

00:07:59.000 Really?

00:08:00.000 It was with that, I forgot her name, but she was like a curly-haired, half-black chick that was really big. 1.00

00:08:08.000 Okay, so, I don't know.

00:08:09.000 So this is establishing that she is the rock and roll Vince Neal, Motley Crew, super stud, bang, bang, bang.

00:08:16.000 Look at my ass. 1.00

00:08:17.000 She's the dominant alpha of the strip club. 1.00

00:08:21.000 Established.

00:08:22.000 Constant moves in awe.

00:08:24.000 By the way, as a cheap Scott, this kind of scene always bothers me.

00:08:29.000 Because I'm like, how is this getting swept up?

00:08:31.000 Aren't there some that are falling down in the cracks?

00:08:34.000 Like after the Tyson Fury-Dionte Wilder fight, I think it was, they showed strip clubs that were just full of money.

00:08:42.000 Like the floors had...

00:08:45.000 I forget.

00:08:45.000 Some big fight.

00:08:46.000 Post Malone spent like 50 grand.

00:08:48.000 And you could see the floor was carpeted with bills.

00:08:51.000 Look at her.

00:08:52.000 She's got money. 1.00

00:08:53.000 Everyone at Strip Club has money. 1.00

00:08:55.000 If you're not fat and ugly and in Buffalo, New York, you make tons of money.

00:09:01.000 This is such a bullshit lie.

00:09:03.000 Look at her.

00:09:04.000 This is like right out of Cats, the musical.

00:09:07.000 Yeah, look how it's very glamorous.

00:09:08.000 Look at this square body.

00:09:10.000 Hi.

00:09:11.000 For some reason, we're on top of a residential building.

00:09:13.000 We left the strip club, I guess.

00:09:15.000 I'm square and I waddle.

00:09:17.000 And I'm one of the elite Asians that I look like that.

00:09:22.000 Can I smell your beef?

00:09:25.000 You can't already?

00:09:26.000 Hold on a second.

00:09:27.000 Come here, take a whiff.

00:09:28.000 Come on, smell it.

00:09:30.000 I'm just kidding.

00:09:31.000 I smelled it before I opened the door.

00:09:33.000 That's how I knew you were up here.

00:09:36.000 It's very lowbrow of you to do an Asian accent for Constance Wu. 0.89

00:09:40.000 Look at her bangs.

00:09:40.000 How do you think I found you?

00:09:41.000 How does she talk? 0.96

00:09:42.000 What is that?

00:09:43.000 It's total tard bangs. 0.99

00:09:46.000 After a certain point in a strip club, I remember being like, you know, the fancy moves, I was like, that's all unnecessary.

00:09:53.000 And it's like they take this way too seriously, and they take it like it's an art.

00:09:57.000 Getting some gay perspective on strip clubs.

00:09:57.000 It's cool getting a lot of stuff.

00:10:00.000 Okay, so this is like Lady and the Tramp.

00:10:02.000 This is every Disney cartoon, right?

00:10:04.000 So the Alpha Ace cat is sitting there, and she's like, wow, you were so good at singing for your supper and getting fish here in this alleyway. 0.99

00:10:11.000 I want to get fish.

00:10:13.000 Well, you should be able to do it.

00:10:14.000 All you got to do is be a cute cat and purr, and they give you milk and fish and kibbles and bits.

00:10:21.000 I want kibbles and bits, nigga. 1.00

00:10:22.000 Oh, we got more than kibbles and more than bits, girl.

00:10:27.000 I guess.

00:10:28.000 I don't think I'm good enough, though.

00:10:30.000 Well, we have to work on you and turn you into a hustler. 1.00

00:10:35.000 I hate this movie already.

00:10:37.000 I hate this concept.

00:10:39.000 I'm working so hard just to make ends meet.

00:10:41.000 This was in the news recently where there was some woman saying, I had to do it because I was working so hard just to make ends meet.

00:10:48.000 And she was doing some horrendous crime, some like grand larceny type thing. 1.00

00:10:54.000 And it was like, well, she had to.

00:10:57.000 Fuck, I can't remember that.

00:10:58.000 It was a long past time ago.

00:11:01.000 So establishing that they're friends.

00:11:02.000 I'm going to teach you how to hustle.

00:11:04.000 We're going to steal.

00:11:06.000 Someone went to prison for this.

00:11:09.000 And the subtext here, this is sort of like the movie Kitchen, where they become Westies. 0.97

00:11:17.000 And they take advantage.

00:11:19.000 I mean, sorry, they were getting abused, they were getting mistreated, and then they become the Westies and they shoot everyone. 1.00

00:11:25.000 So they make up a lie, and the lie is that strippers are broke, and all these guys are getting to exploit them for nothing.

00:11:31.000 Meanwhile, we just saw them literally drowning in money.

00:11:36.000 And, okay, not drowning, literally swimming in money.

00:11:40.000 And we're supposed to believe that poor Constance is just trying to make ends meet. 1.00

00:11:46.000 And then in the movie, they go over the top with Yves Saint-Laurent, Chanel.

00:11:50.000 They're buying all this fucking $10,000 shoes.

00:11:53.000 So, wait, I thought you were just trying to help out your money.

00:11:56.000 Also here is an interview.

00:11:58.000 There's an update, right?

00:12:00.000 2014.

00:12:02.000 Now she's sane because she doesn't have bangs. 0.99

00:12:05.000 I'm not a slut anymore.

00:12:07.000 I grew my bangs out.

00:12:10.000 So they must be investigating the hustle.

00:12:16.000 Is she about to get arrested? 0.90

00:12:18.000 Yeah, right?

00:12:18.000 FBI doesn't ask you after the arrest.

00:12:21.000 It said 2014.

00:12:22.000 What was the established date of the footage we're watching now?

00:12:27.000 Well, they showed us at the beginning.

00:12:28.000 It was like 2011 or something.

00:12:30.000 Oh, okay.

00:12:34.000 They're just hanging.

00:12:36.000 It'd be cool to be a janitor there because you could fucking get to see them for free.

00:12:41.000 Actually, it's not that bad as trip clubs, right?

00:12:43.000 If you don't want to throw money, you don't have to throw money.

00:12:46.000 If you don't want to lap dance, you obviously don't have to.

00:12:48.000 And then the beers, yes, the beers are maybe two, three dollars more expensive than normal beers.

00:12:56.000 Problem is you can't go when you have a daughter.

00:12:59.000 Because when you see them Up on stage, all you can think about is their dads.

00:13:02.000 Yeah, it's pretty bad.

00:13:04.000 And how they fucked up somewhere down the line.

00:13:07.000 I wonder if Constant Move's dad thinks that when he sees this movie.

00:13:10.000 That's what I'm saying.

00:13:11.000 They kind of approach it if it's like ballet or something after a certain point.

00:13:14.000 They're like, look at this move.

00:13:16.000 Yeah, that seems to be the subtext so far that they're just talented dancers who I really appreciate it.

00:13:22.000 Oh, cool, look.

00:13:24.000 I'm part of the stage Has she never tried a stripper pole before? 1.00

00:13:36.000 Why is she going, yay! 1.00

00:13:37.000 He's so crazy.

00:13:39.000 There's nothing wrong with that.

00:13:47.000 Wait a minute.

00:13:49.000 What has this got to do with hustling dudes?

00:13:52.000 Well, this is their craft.

00:13:53.000 This is all a waste of time.

00:13:54.000 Jennifer Lopez has the hookups. 1.00

00:13:57.000 So she gets the call from the billionaire guys, the finance dudes.

00:14:01.000 Then Constant Wu shows up, and they're going to go, yep, she's hot. 1.00

00:14:05.000 We're happy.

00:14:06.000 They're not going to say, hold on a sec, before you come to my hotel room, I have to see you spin around the pole. 1.00

00:14:11.000 That's true.

00:14:11.000 Yeah.

00:14:15.000 Oh, there's Cardi B, motherfucker.

00:14:18.000 What you motherfucker doing, you fucking bitch fucking girls fucking hanging out, motherfucker. 1.00

00:14:23.000 She's like, I know your name is Constant Wu, but that's what they give me when I'm on stage.

00:14:27.000 A constant woo.

00:14:31.000 You gonna be my constant boo.

00:14:36.000 Oh, damn, girl. 0.99

00:14:38.000 That's how you do it.

00:14:41.000 They're all just dykes, huh? 1.00

00:14:43.000 Constance Wu is so sexless. 1.00

00:14:45.000 Like, you can tell Jennifer Lopez is libidinous. 1.00

00:14:48.000 She has sexuality.

00:14:49.000 Cardi B obviously goes way too far until she's basically a dude. 0.99

00:14:53.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:14:55.000 She has a boner, basically. 1.00

00:14:57.000 But Constance Wu, she's like that cyber droid Sophie. 1.00

00:15:05.000 I am here too.

00:15:06.000 Hi, I am enjoying stripping.

00:15:08.000 I'm a total whore.

00:15:10.000 I have a baseball cap, and I'm still looking exactly like Nikki Minaj.

00:15:16.000 What is with that?

00:15:17.000 This movie is so fucking shallow, hence two guys being able just to watch it and follow the whole plot.

00:15:22.000 So they're dazzling her.

00:15:24.000 Cardi B's edgy.

00:15:25.000 Now Constance was wondering, do I have what it takes to be a Puerto Rican man?

00:15:30.000 Yeah, basically.

00:15:31.000 A blood?

00:15:32.000 Isn't Cardi B a blood?

00:15:34.000 She's in the bloods. 0.98

00:15:35.000 Oh, I can hear them, yeah.

00:15:36.000 Oh, sorry.

00:15:37.000 It's okay.

00:15:40.000 Jennifer Lopez is a very attractive lady. 1.00

00:15:44.000 Although her chin's a little too good.

00:15:46.000 You know?

00:15:47.000 Lopez?

00:15:48.000 Let me see that shiny.

00:15:48.000 Yeah.

00:15:49.000 Sometimes when chicks are super hot in that way, like the other one, this one here, they look like handsome men.

00:15:54.000 They're handsome, yeah, yeah.

00:15:56.000 Yeah, I don't like that Victoria's Secret.

00:15:59.000 Oh, there's Lizzo.

00:16:00.000 Got the flute ready to ram up her coochie. 1.00

00:16:04.000 Constance Wu.

00:16:05.000 Here's another annoying thing about this movie.

00:16:07.000 Constance Wu is like this fish out of water going, oh, it's so glamorous.

00:16:11.000 Everyone is so crazy.

00:16:12.000 You've already been a stripper forever. 1.00

00:16:14.000 Right.

00:16:16.000 I mean, I shouldn't say that.

00:16:17.000 There's been so many flashbacks.

00:16:19.000 I can't tell if this is her first day ever in a strip club.

00:16:22.000 And by the way, who the fuck is throwing dollars at Lizzo?

00:16:27.000 Have you ever seen a...

00:16:30.000 People with really kind hearts.

00:16:35.000 Blind guys and sweethearts.

00:16:38.000 Have you been to strip clubs?

00:16:39.000 Do you go to strip clubs?

00:16:41.000 I've been to strip clubs maybe three times total.

00:16:44.000 One not too long ago.

00:16:47.000 I have never seen anyone remotely close to Lizzo there.

00:16:51.000 And I've been to strip clubs like in upstate New York.

00:16:54.000 Trucker stops, really sad ones.

00:16:57.000 Look at her.

00:17:02.000 And Constance Wu is playing nothing. 0.99

00:17:05.000 She's like a sexy piece of paper. 0.85

00:17:09.000 Oh, that chick with the ugly schnauz was kind of convincing. 1.00

00:17:12.000 It's the only bit of realism we've seen so far.

00:17:14.000 Can we get some tits, please? 1.00

00:17:17.000 Why is everyone in a bikini in this strip? 0.97

00:17:19.000 There we go.

00:17:21.000 We got one.

00:17:22.000 I like the dude.

00:17:24.000 Dildo's long nails and major. 0.93

00:17:26.000 Dildos are empowering. 0.97

00:17:26.000 Dildo. 0.97

00:17:30.000 She's still going.

00:17:31.000 She shows her dildo, and then 10 seconds later, she's still going, I use it.

00:17:37.000 I use it.

00:17:39.000 Here's a cake for a National Slut Day. 1.00

00:17:42.000 You bitch, you give us that cake every day. 1.00

00:17:44.000 Yeah, because you're always sluts. 1.00

00:17:45.000 Yeah.

00:17:46.000 Yeah.

00:17:52.000 Man, this is making me feel bad for women. 1.00

00:17:54.000 How long is she going to be enamored with this?

00:17:57.000 Right.

00:17:58.000 This whole movie could be a short.

00:18:00.000 It could be a really cool Sundance short that's like 12 minutes.

00:18:05.000 Okay, so they're finally moving up to the big leagues.

00:18:08.000 Take an eye turn.

00:18:08.000 That happened quick.

00:18:12.000 Holy shit.

00:18:14.000 Her neck says sexy. 0.81

00:18:17.000 How retarded is that? 1.00

00:18:20.000 She has a diamond choker that says sexy. 0.92

00:18:25.000 Actually, J-Lo is starting to get a little too masculine for me.

00:18:27.000 She's drifting into the tranny zone. 1.00

00:18:30.000 Yeah.

00:18:31.000 You know what I mean?

00:18:32.000 Yeah, broad shoulders.

00:18:33.000 Look at that chest.

00:18:34.000 That's a dominant man.

00:18:35.000 The cow catcher chin.

00:18:37.000 She looks like a gorgeous hunk. 1.00

00:18:39.000 With mild.

00:18:40.000 Look at the animosity that is put towards this guy.

00:18:43.000 Right.

00:18:44.000 Fucking fat white men, disgusting pigs. 0.96

00:18:48.000 He has those Dexter brand shoes on from Payless that I've purchased and I'm ashamed of.

00:18:53.000 What a dick.

00:18:55.000 Again, see, this is the movie right here.

00:18:58.000 It's just like wallpaper.

00:19:00.000 Crittery wallpaper.

00:19:00.000 Two critters.

00:19:02.000 Enjoying each other.

00:19:04.000 She has a double bra? 1.00

00:19:06.000 She just took a bra off. 1.00

00:19:08.000 There's still a bra.

00:19:08.000 Yeah, they do that in New York.

00:19:11.000 Because they can't strip. 0.86

00:19:13.000 So women will have a bikini on and then they'll take off their top and have a top on, which looks ridiculous. 1.00

00:19:19.000 Right, right.

00:19:20.000 Okay, so the guys go out.

00:19:22.000 We're supposed to hate these guys, I guess.

00:19:24.000 Didn't they come back from work?

00:19:25.000 Do you know what time you have to get up if you work in finance and you work at Chinese markets?

00:19:29.000 You have to get up at 4 a.m. at the latest.

00:19:32.000 You're at work by 6.

00:19:35.000 You train in from the suburbs.

00:19:37.000 Was this Cardi B being a professional?

00:19:39.000 No.

00:19:40.000 That would be fucking hilarious if it was.

00:19:43.000 By day, she's a secretary in finance.

00:19:47.000 Wait, what's he watching?

00:19:48.000 Was that a porno?

00:19:51.000 I feel like we have to know that detail.

00:19:55.000 Sorry, he used to be some kind of mob guy.

00:19:58.000 So he's got some special.

00:20:00.000 Sorry, sorry, sorry.

00:20:02.000 God, I hate guys like me.

00:20:04.000 It's like a Richard Jenny tip?

00:20:06.000 Sorry, we went way too far back.

00:20:07.000 But I swear to God, I just went reverse play.

00:20:10.000 And it takes so long to react.

00:20:11.000 Can we...

00:20:15.000 When I had a VCR, okay, what's on the TV?

00:20:23.000 Hi, you got a message?

00:20:24.000 Hey, you see this TV?

00:20:27.000 Oh, it is porn.

00:20:29.000 Oh, yeah.

00:20:30.000 Okay, so you're getting the subtext here?

00:20:32.000 Are you getting the moral of the story?

00:20:34.000 Men are pigs.

00:20:34.000 Direct.

00:20:35.000 We're disgusting pigs.

00:20:37.000 We make tons and tons of money that we don't deserve, and all these poor girls want is a piece. 1.00

00:20:43.000 And we keep throwing all this infinite money in their face, and eventually they go, you know what?

00:20:48.000 I'm going to take a little bit extra because my grandma needs a new hip. 1.00

00:20:53.000 And we're taking away their dignity because look how depressed they are behind the scenes when they're getting ready, flopping dildos and cakes around and laughing at Lizzo with their cunts wide open. 0.55

00:21:03.000 This is a bummer.

00:21:04.000 So the fat dude and him personify the disgusting white man that need to be taken down a peg.

00:21:11.000 Meanwhile, I know guys in finance, they're all workaholics.

00:21:15.000 You get up in the dark, you come home in the dark, you don't see your wife and kids, you bust your ass.

00:21:20.000 Yes, sometimes they go to strip clubs and go out for big stick dinners.

00:21:23.000 Usually it's with a client, and they have to kiss his ass. 0.97

00:21:27.000 Now, some of these super-rich workaholic dudes may have got a lap dance or two. 0.95

00:21:33.000 God forbid.

00:21:34.000 It's not my cup of tea, but God forbid.

00:21:37.000 And this doesn't make them villains, and it doesn't justify drugging and taking their money.

00:21:43.000 These girls are well paid for this. 1.00

00:21:45.000 Can't believe I'm defending this fucking guy.

00:21:48.000 That's the fucked up thing about this SJW clown world is it makes us defend creeps that we would normally not get along with.

00:21:56.000 But just because he's a stereotypical, you know, movie creep like a jock in some porky's animal house type movie doesn't mean I'm going to jump on board when you shit on him.

00:22:09.000 It's like when they make jokes about your mom.

00:22:12.000 I'll make fun of my mom.

00:22:13.000 Don't you fucking dare.

00:22:14.000 He just put down a grand to see mosquito bites.

00:22:17.000 Yeah.

00:22:18.000 He's like, I can Google that, but I'm being nice.

00:22:20.000 That's $250 per shitty tit.

00:22:28.000 These are coming off.

00:22:31.000 Oh, just do it already.

00:22:32.000 Yeah, this is such a valuable thing.

00:22:35.000 That's my problem with infinite teasing.

00:22:37.000 You're like, yeah, that's hot.

00:22:38.000 That's awesome.

00:22:39.000 But do it already.

00:22:41.000 Like, I can't get full on appetizers, so let's have a bowl of spaghetti.

00:22:47.000 So, yeah.

00:22:48.000 Oh, there's more boobs. 0.99

00:22:50.000 Wait, we're showing pornography on our sensor.tv.

00:22:53.000 That's a new one.

00:22:54.000 NSFW.

00:22:57.000 All right.

00:22:58.000 So they made a bunch of money from those two guys, right?

00:23:04.000 And I guess she bought her some boots and their sexy boots. 1.00

00:23:07.000 Oh.

00:23:08.000 Wait, this is just...

00:23:14.000 Like they have an appointment with somebody very important, but they have their period and they didn't expect it to come that day.

00:23:21.000 That happened to me once.

00:23:23.000 We were at a strip club and we go to the bathroom to do some bumps.

00:23:27.000 And there's a Goomba with white track pants, and he has a red dot on his thigh.

00:23:36.000 He's got the old Japanese flag.

00:23:38.000 No, look, they're doing the pretty woman thing where it's like, you don't belong here. 0.99

00:23:43.000 And then they walk in, they buy Louis Vuitton, whatever.

00:23:46.000 Okay, if these stores are such snobs about people of color and blah, blah, blah and prostitutes, and they know thugs are a major part of their income. 0.90

00:23:55.000 That's where when you look at Gucci ads and Yves Laurence, they have rapper like Aesop Rocky and stuff.

00:24:03.000 They fully understand and embrace the trash quotient that buys their shit.

00:24:08.000 So that's bullshit.

00:24:11.000 But yeah, he had a red dot.

00:24:12.000 So they've gone shopping.

00:24:14.000 By the way, wait a minute.

00:24:15.000 See, this is like this guy, this movie has to be written by a woman because they've already abandoned the plot. 0.96

00:24:20.000 The plot was, I'm just trying to make ends meet.

00:24:23.000 It's so hard.

00:24:26.000 And it looks like they just want to live it up.

00:24:28.000 And then they get some money and it doesn't go to grandma's hip.

00:24:31.000 It goes to their hips. 0.66

00:24:35.000 Yeah, they're shaming men's vices, but meanwhile, totally embarking in their own materialistic vices.

00:24:41.000 By the way, J-Lo, the moral of the story is you should dress trashy for the rest of your life.

00:24:45.000 You look fucking fantastic.

00:24:47.000 Only shop on, what's that street that's at the bottom of the Lower East Side that the Williamsburg Bridge empties onto?

00:24:56.000 Delancey.

00:24:58.000 Only shop on Delancey from there.

00:25:00.000 It's all like rock-a-wear.

00:25:02.000 I always tried to get my wife to shop there, and she was like, fuck, I don't want to wear that shit. 1.00

00:25:07.000 Like a fur skin hood, rock-a-wear parka that ends here. 0.94

00:25:11.000 Yeah, and it says Bebe on it.

00:25:13.000 Yeah, it shows your belly.

00:25:14.000 Yeah.

00:25:15.000 But it's a winter coat.

00:25:17.000 That is a fun.

00:25:18.000 Or the Timberland high-heel shoes, you know those?

00:25:20.000 Yeah, with the furs coming out.

00:25:20.000 I've seen those.

00:25:22.000 Yeah, I love that.

00:25:23.000 I love that shit.

00:25:24.000 Skin tight jeans, hoop earrings.

00:25:26.000 Yeah, that is cool.

00:25:27.000 It's hard to get a non-Puerto Rican a dress like that. 1.00

00:25:30.000 Ho-chunks, it's even harder. 1.00

00:25:30.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:25:32.000 Upper-middle-class Ho-Chunks are not into this look.

00:25:36.000 But what is evident so far is that the men's vices is women, but they're supporting women when they spend their money. 0.63

00:25:45.000 And what women do when they get the money from the guys is they're just buying from Louis Vuitton, who doesn't need any money. 1.00

00:25:52.000 It doesn't have a dying mom or whatever the fuck that they're trying to support.

00:25:56.000 Yeah, you're welcome, by the way.

00:25:57.000 Yeah.

00:25:58.000 White men make everything you're wearing. 1.00

00:26:01.000 And you're sending your money to France or some shit.

00:26:04.000 And what's he got on there?

00:26:06.000 Now I'm rich and happy.

00:26:08.000 Now, by the way, how many fucking ghetto clean strippers that hang out with Cardi B now live in Scarsdale? 1.00

00:26:18.000 The ones that commit an investment banker.

00:26:20.000 Yeah.

00:26:21.000 The criminals.

00:26:23.000 Honey, I'm going to be a little late for our brunch today.

00:26:26.000 I'm going to be a little late for hot yoga.

00:26:28.000 Oh, you're on your Pedalton Peloton?

00:26:31.000 No, I have to talk to the FBI about when I was a fucking extortionist, drug-dealing, psychopathic thief with Cardi B. Oh, and a whore. 0.88

00:26:40.000 I'm sorry.

00:26:40.000 I forgot.

00:26:41.000 I forgot to throw that one in.

00:26:43.000 Is she happy now?

00:26:44.000 Who's yelling at?

00:26:45.000 Are they happy?

00:26:47.000 It looks so.

00:26:48.000 Oh, no, they're both happy.

00:26:49.000 So there's no drugs in their life.

00:26:50.000 Like, they're not incorporated.

00:26:51.000 Well, that's the other major case.

00:26:53.000 No nudity, no sex, and no Coke.

00:26:56.000 There would be so much Coke if this was remotely accurate.

00:27:00.000 Like, that book would just be a mountain of Coke.

00:27:03.000 Under her bangs.

00:27:04.000 Yeah.

00:27:04.000 Taped Coke to her forehead.

00:27:07.000 They would have to carry a wet facecloth to constantly be wiping it off their nose, and I'm not even exaggerating.

00:27:11.000 She has Coke pasties.

00:27:13.000 Look, I bet this guy's a bumbling fool.

00:27:15.000 Hi, I just think you're really pretty, and I'm kind of nervous right now.

00:27:18.000 And then she thinks he's sweet.

00:27:20.000 And then Jennifer Lopez is going to show up and say, stop talking to the nerds. 1.00

00:27:24.000 We have to be alphas.

00:27:26.000 We have to eat them for breakfast.

00:27:28.000 Or he's super nice and sweet.

00:27:31.000 And then he says something like, can I eat your poo?

00:27:35.000 Or can you burn your nipples with a match? 0.90

00:27:38.000 Or can I?

00:27:40.000 I'm going to be too forward, but do you have a glass tabler on here I could lay under?

00:27:44.000 And you do know, you know what?

00:27:45.000 Can you dress up like a little kid and pee on me? 0.99

00:27:48.000 Something horrible where you just, oh my God, terrible tits. 1.00

00:27:52.000 Look at that.

00:27:53.000 That was a flap tail. 0.89

00:27:54.000 Pizzas.

00:27:55.000 This looks like a foot.

00:27:55.000 It looks like a heel.

00:27:56.000 She's got a heel tit. 1.00

00:27:58.000 Wow, are you the producer's daughter's friend?

00:28:01.000 How do you get into a nude movie with pizzas?

00:28:05.000 Yeah.

00:28:06.000 Exploit your pancakes. 0.99

00:28:09.000 Hi, I'm happy.

00:28:11.000 So, what's happening here now?

00:28:11.000 Uh-oh.

00:28:13.000 Are they prostitutes? 1.00

00:28:15.000 She's meeting someone?

00:28:17.000 She's concerned.

00:28:18.000 I went to a hotel in New York where you could, there was all these older dudes and you could see young girls with them.

00:28:24.000 Wait, is that his girlfriend?

00:28:25.000 I'm lost.

00:28:28.000 They're together.

00:28:28.000 I don't know.

00:28:29.000 Glamour.

00:28:30.000 Kardashians.

00:28:31.000 Wait a minute.

00:28:32.000 That was a subtle little victim moment.

00:28:34.000 Did you catch that?

00:28:36.000 They showed the Kardashians TV again to elicit sympathy for these girls to say, they live in a world where they're bombarded with glamour and glitz. 1.00

00:28:46.000 It's almost like they're forced to rob men and take all their shit.

00:28:51.000 So right now, I guess J-Lo's been doing this for a while because she's playing the woman who had done it for a while.

00:28:56.000 By the way, by it, we mean roofing dudes and taking all their stuff.

00:29:01.000 Getting them to go to an ATM and emptying their bank account.

00:29:04.000 So she's making pretty good money stripping. 1.00

00:29:06.000 I have to get a Cadillac.

00:29:08.000 Because rap says so.

00:29:10.000 Just like a pimp, she's seducing Constance into loving the lifestyle, and then she can really hit her with, we got to drug them now. 1.00

00:29:21.000 Here's how they should have done this movie.

00:29:26.000 They should have made Jennifer Lopez evil. 1.00

00:29:32.000 Like the drink.

00:29:33.000 no she's just I haven't seen this movie by.

00:29:37.000 There's no dynamic movie.

00:29:38.000 So maybe she is super evil? 1.00

00:29:40.000 And then they should have made...

00:29:40.000 Maybe, yeah.

00:29:45.000 You ever seen this?

00:29:46.000 I am Lizzie.

00:29:47.000 I'm not making a lot of money tonight.

00:29:49.000 Is there something wrong?

00:29:50.000 Imagine you're at a strip club and Lizzo comes up.

00:29:53.000 Hey, you want a lap dance?

00:29:54.000 I'm gay.

00:29:55.000 You're actually making the same amount of It's just bigger.

00:30:01.000 So it looks like less.

00:30:03.000 I'm trying to stuff a dollar bill into your panties, but the seam is actually under your folds. 1.00

00:30:08.000 I can't get to the waistline.

00:30:10.000 Oh, that's the only moment I've regretted not having volume.

00:30:15.000 Actually, maybe we could cheat.

00:30:17.000 To see what Dob Davidoff said?

00:30:19.000 To see what Cardi Kardioff said.

00:30:22.000 I wonder if Lizzo snuck a song in there.

00:30:23.000 Or J-Lo snuck a song.

00:30:25.000 Or Cardi B snuck a song in there.

00:30:26.000 Sorry, guys.

00:30:28.000 oh Come on, volume.

00:30:36.000 You hear me?

00:30:42.000 *Ding*

00:30:44.000 Oh, it's Britney, bitch. 1.00

00:30:45.000 Did you hear that?

00:30:46.000 If I didn't make any market fucking money today, I'm going to make your life a fucking hell, bitch. 1.00

00:30:55.000 Cardi B memorized all her lives.

00:30:58.000 Yeah.

00:31:00.000 Isn't it funny how...

00:31:01.000 From all the years that she's lived before.

00:31:03.000 I'm gonna get you some food when I get off.

00:31:06.000 I'm gonna rub your back, give you some pussy, blow the back, all right? 1.00

00:31:11.000 Are those the boyfriends?

00:31:20.000 Get the fucking kids.

00:31:22.000 All you do is get your dick sucked by the new bitches, you fucking idiot. 1.00

00:31:26.000 Jobs David, I was like, dude, I had a comedy special presence.

00:31:29.000 Like, that was pretty good.

00:31:31.000 I don't know who that is.

00:31:33.000 The comedian?

00:31:33.000 Really?

00:31:34.000 That's the one who said, why does it look like gay guys always smell like fresh baked cookies?

00:31:38.000 You know?

00:31:40.000 That's a good line.

00:31:40.000 It's hilarious.

00:31:42.000 Oh, my.

00:31:44.000 We're watching Jurassic Park.

00:31:48.000 I think we're watching that.

00:31:49.000 Did she get liposuction they went too high up? 0.99

00:31:52.000 That cartoon where Sasha Baron Cohen says is a lemur monkey.

00:31:57.000 What's that?

00:31:59.000 The Ben Stiller one where they escape?

00:32:01.000 Anyway, terrible drawn-out hypothesis, Madagascar.

00:32:05.000 Sorry, I blew it.

00:32:06.000 Maybe I'm not cut out for this.

00:32:08.000 Is this Usher?

00:32:09.000 Usher's such a badass.

00:32:11.000 Imagine you're at a club and two guys walk in wearing sunglasses.

00:32:15.000 You'd be embarrassed for them.

00:32:17.000 Especially if they walk in and they're going like this to everyone.

00:32:20.000 How is Usher's side of his head so recognizable?

00:32:24.000 Dancing.

00:32:25.000 This is the movie right now.

00:32:27.000 Right.

00:32:27.000 Why Lizzo is included in it, I will never understand.

00:32:31.000 It's like a fractal.

00:32:32.000 There was hiding her.

00:32:33.000 Every moment before and after, it's just like a trail.

00:32:36.000 And when was the last time you went to a strip club and there were just 13 girls all dancing together with one fat black one in the back wearing a Santa Claus bathrobe? 1.00

00:32:46.000 Yeah, that's not seasonal.

00:32:50.000 One time I was at a Vegas and Steve Harvey walked in wearing a Zoot suit.

00:32:57.000 Do you know what a Zoot suit is?

00:32:59.000 Yeah, it's like the pinstripe?

00:33:00.000 Yeah, it's like the pimp look of the 1930s.

00:33:02.000 Yeah.

00:33:03.000 Because textiles were rare because they were using them for the war.

00:33:06.000 And so if you had extra textiles, like your tails went down to your heels, then you were being, you know.

00:33:12.000 Oh, shit.

00:33:14.000 2008.

00:33:15.000 You were being ostentatious.

00:33:17.000 News just in.

00:33:19.000 Wait a minute.

00:33:19.000 We haven't seen them drug anyone yet.

00:33:21.000 Are they already getting arrested?

00:33:22.000 That's Brian Williams.

00:33:24.000 Is he the guy whose daughter's ass got eaten out on HBO?

00:33:27.000 Daughter's ass eaten out HBO. 0.94

00:33:30.000 Yeah, I think it was.

00:33:31.000 He's the guy who lied about New Orleans and said there's bodies floating down the river.

00:33:31.000 No.

00:33:36.000 I think he also lied about...

00:33:41.000 This fake war story where his helicopter almost got shot at or something.

00:33:45.000 Wasn't that Hillary who said that? 1.00

00:33:47.000 Both.

00:33:48.000 No, he did.

00:33:49.000 Yeah, Brian Williams definitely did.

00:33:50.000 So what's the matter?

00:33:51.000 Is Constant Wu pregnant?

00:33:54.000 I guess she dumped him if she's all fancy at the end, right?

00:33:58.000 Unless he invented a new pet rock.

00:34:01.000 Oh, they already had a baby?

00:34:03.000 Oh, this is how far are they flashing?

00:34:04.000 2011.

00:34:05.000 Oh my God, you really got to stay on top of the dates here. 0.91

00:34:08.000 So it was 2008 when we...

00:34:14.000 Now it's 2011?

00:34:16.000 Uh-oh, the reason I got this was to show you how easy it would be to follow.

00:34:20.000 But now I'm confused by the news because I thought we're ramping up to them drugging people and then drugging finance guys and then taking their money.

00:34:31.000 Oh, she moved out of the house with her poor old mom? 1.00

00:34:35.000 Wait, what's this?

00:34:36.000 Is that a baby?

00:34:37.000 Oh, shit.

00:34:38.000 A baby came out?

00:34:40.000 That's a 2011 baby.

00:34:42.000 Oh, so that was the, that was, her boyfriend and her had a baby.

00:34:46.000 And that was it.

00:34:47.000 Oh, this is a little sort of segue.

00:34:50.000 When we turn on the volume, they're showing Cardi B and her boyfriend and all the girls and their boyfriends.

00:34:55.000 So we're taking a timeout to show their love lives.

00:34:58.000 In other words, this movie's made for chicks. 1.00

00:35:01.000 That's really the struggle.

00:35:02.000 She's just love love.

00:35:02.000 Oh, she likes Chubby McGee.

00:35:04.000 Oh, that's who she married.

00:35:06.000 So he didn't say, can you poo on me?

00:35:09.000 Or can you poo on me for the rest of my life? 0.59

00:35:09.000 Huh. 0.59

00:35:11.000 I'll be the luckiest man in the world.

00:35:15.000 Hey, I'm rich and I love you.

00:35:18.000 Sorry, ladies and strip clubs. 1.00

00:35:20.000 The finance guys don't marry you.

00:35:22.000 But the finance guys do marry the biggest slut available. 1.00

00:35:26.000 They just don't go as low as stripper. 1.00

00:35:28.000 Oops.

00:35:30.000 Wait, what?

00:35:32.000 You cannot be with me forever?

00:35:34.000 Wait, I don't understand you.

00:35:36.000 Like, verbally, like, I don't speak very well.

00:35:42.000 Wait, you have an indoor poo?

00:35:44.000 No, I want you to poo on me indoors.

00:35:49.000 I can't do that.

00:35:50.000 Girls don't poo. 1.00

00:35:52.000 That's it.

00:35:52.000 That's why I asked, because I knew it was bullshit.

00:35:55.000 Bubblegum comes out, right?

00:35:56.000 Like a cube a month?

00:35:58.000 That's a secret.

00:35:58.000 Yeah, that's it.

00:35:59.000 I'm not supposed to tell you.

00:36:00.000 But that's how bubblegum is made. 0.99

00:36:02.000 Anyway, I gotta go.

00:36:03.000 Indoors. 0.99

00:36:04.000 Fuck, I'm gonna get in so much trouble.

00:36:06.000 From the national girl community. 0.73

00:36:06.000 She's a good one. 0.73

00:36:08.000 Good thing I don't have to change diapers, though.

00:36:10.000 I have a girl.

00:36:11.000 All I gotta do is cross them off my list because it's free.

00:36:16.000 Look at her.

00:36:17.000 She looks absurd.

00:36:19.000 This is how gay men see women. 0.88

00:36:23.000 I feel nasty.

00:36:24.000 That looks absurd?

00:36:25.000 Yeah.

00:36:26.000 She looks the prettier she looked, I thought.

00:36:27.000 What?

00:36:28.000 She looks ridiculous with her big fake eyelashes. 0.99

00:36:31.000 Oh, I see.

00:36:32.000 It looks like a little kid dressed up as a lady for Halloween.

00:36:35.000 She looks like she has lips for once in this entire movie.

00:36:39.000 Yips.

00:36:40.000 Yips.

00:36:41.000 Hello.

00:36:42.000 I'd like to get a legit job.

00:36:43.000 I'm totally lost here.

00:36:44.000 Maybe I was wrong to assume I could follow this movie with no volume on.

00:36:48.000 Is she still a stripper? 1.00

00:36:49.000 Is that the FBI?

00:36:50.000 Is she getting a legit job? 0.99

00:36:52.000 She's dressed kind of fancy.

00:36:53.000 And why doesn't she have neck tattoos if she's a stripper from Queens? 1.00

00:36:58.000 I don't believe that shit.

00:37:00.000 Nobody got time for that.

00:37:01.000 Nobody got time for no neck tattoos.

00:37:04.000 So she wants to work retail. 0.86

00:37:06.000 What happened to them ripping off dudes? 1.00

00:37:08.000 She was working in retail.

00:37:09.000 Oh, I know what's going on.

00:37:10.000 Selling puss.

00:37:11.000 I'm tuned in.

00:37:12.000 Okay, I got it.

00:37:13.000 This is what's going on.

00:37:14.000 she she got more legit no she's still doing Hold on, hold on. 0.76

00:37:22.000 Okay, so she would do the lap dances and stuff and those private room things. 0.91

00:37:26.000 And that had her making, like, let's say, 65, 70 grand a year.

00:37:32.000 So she became like a middle-class person.

00:37:36.000 She and her boyfriend had a kid.

00:37:37.000 But now...

00:37:44.000 They had to rob dudes to pay for their middle class lifestyle now.

00:37:48.000 So she's saying, I guess I'll get a job in retail.

00:37:51.000 And that girl's making her sit up. 1.00

00:37:53.000 That girl's a bitch. 1.00

00:37:54.000 I went to bitch to her, which. 1.00

00:37:55.000 What the f- I don't really.

00:37:56.000 What was her face?

00:37:58.000 It was just a straight line from her forehead to her nose.

00:38:01.000 That was crazy.

00:38:02.000 I kind of want to see that again, but that was crazy.

00:38:05.000 Okay, we can do that.

00:38:06.000 Yeah, that looked like an exceptions.

00:38:10.000 It looks like a Disney Pixar animal.

00:38:11.000 I'm going to try to go rewind play as fast as possible.

00:38:16.000 Now, they've been hiding Constant Wu's ass because I have a suspicion that it doesn't exist.

00:38:20.000 I did play.

00:38:21.000 It's crazy.

00:38:22.000 So we get some feet.

00:38:23.000 She's got some nice toes. 1.00

00:38:26.000 She sleeps with a Sleeps with a Dante Nero earring.

00:38:33.000 Who is taking care of her kid in the day? 1.00

00:38:36.000 Okay, I'm trying to get to your plate face moment.

00:38:39.000 It's pretty dramatic, so the one that kicks her out.

00:38:43.000 What I saw was like Dr. Seuss level crazy face.

00:38:43.000 Okay.

00:38:46.000 Yeah, this one coming in.

00:38:50.000 Basically.

00:38:52.000 Is it the one that Jordan Peele married?

00:38:57.000 Yeah, Chelsea Brady. 1.00

00:38:58.000 When she turns, she's got a schnauz on her. 1.00

00:39:00.000 It's bananas.

00:39:01.000 Maybe I can go frame by frame.

00:39:07.000 Did I just skip it?

00:39:09.000 I don't know.

00:39:10.000 I think I just skipped it.

00:39:15.000 Should we give up?

00:39:16.000 Yeah.

00:39:18.000 There's a thing where you can go frame by frame.

00:39:20.000 I think you were doing it.

00:39:24.000 Oh, shit.

00:39:25.000 I just skipped a whole fucking chapter, basically?

00:39:28.000 Yes, it's just...

00:39:32.000 Wait, now I'm totally lost.

00:39:34.000 Oh, shit.

00:39:34.000 What have I done?

00:39:35.000 Is this a flash forward?

00:39:37.000 Yeah, there's a flash forward.

00:39:38.000 Now she's working at Old Navy.

00:39:40.000 Old Navy?

00:39:41.000 Yeah.

00:39:42.000 I call La BS.

00:39:44.000 Yeah, we have to really skip now because now we're watching it backwards.

00:39:47.000 Yeah.

00:39:48.000 Well.

00:39:49.000 Is there a skip chapter?

00:39:50.000 Yeah, but I don't think it really matters.

00:39:53.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:39:54.000 That's the point here.

00:39:55.000 I just said it as if I was invested into the events of this film.

00:40:00.000 So she still got her neck thing on? 0.97

00:40:02.000 Yes, this is the same time.

00:40:04.000 By the way, they never wear all this shit.

00:40:06.000 They just have like bikini and nude. 0.63

00:40:09.000 And then J-Lo's like, hey, Constance is sad.

00:40:13.000 What's going on, Constance?

00:40:15.000 And then she goes, I'm having trouble raising a daughter as a stripper. 1.00

00:40:20.000 Yeah.

00:40:21.000 I mean, when you build a society, you don't really want to say, all right, most, let's make a society where single moms are strippers and they're doing great. 1.00

00:40:32.000 It's not really.

00:40:32.000 Yeah, it's kind of built into this step of success where you're not supposed to be.

00:40:36.000 Doctors who save lives, you want them to be comfortable.

00:40:39.000 And as you'll notice, if you do make a living off of this, your value will kind of go down as your old navy person.

00:40:48.000 She works at Old Navy, right?

00:40:51.000 Are we fast-forwarded?

00:40:52.000 We fast-forwarded.

00:40:53.000 So they're like, we got to make some serious money, man.

00:40:56.000 I need to pay my bills.

00:40:58.000 You can't do it.

00:40:58.000 Pay my telephone bills.

00:41:00.000 Pay my automobiles.

00:41:04.000 And then, by the way, another song on that same album is All the Women Who Are Independent.

00:41:08.000 Put Your Hands Up.

00:41:11.000 Wait, so you're quoting Chald Pepper?

00:41:14.000 Destiny's Chul. 0.71

00:41:15.000 Nice repertoire.

00:41:17.000 Can you pay my bills?

00:41:18.000 Can you pay my telephone bills?

00:41:20.000 So we need to make some money, girl.

00:41:23.000 I'm struggling.

00:41:24.000 I don't know what to do.

00:41:25.000 I feel like I have no future.

00:41:27.000 I'm stuck here in Queens.

00:41:29.000 This is supposed to be the city of dreams.

00:41:31.000 The streets are paved with gold.

00:41:32.000 They ain't paved with no gold.

00:41:34.000 They ain't paid with shit.

00:41:36.000 I mean, it's not as bad as India, where they literally are paid with shit. 0.99

00:41:41.000 God damn it.

00:41:42.000 What are we going to do?

00:41:44.000 Look how terrible Constance Woo looks. 1.00

00:41:46.000 My hands are sticky.

00:41:47.000 She was hired by the National Yellow Fever community to cure men obsessed with Asian chicks. 0.64

00:41:55.000 Yeah, I don't get those people.

00:41:59.000 AKA gamers.

00:42:02.000 AKA white nationalists.

00:42:05.000 Nazis always end up with some Asian girl. 1.00

00:42:07.000 That was weird.

00:42:08.000 Okay.

00:42:08.000 That's a decent boom.

00:42:09.000 Those are both booms.

00:42:11.000 I think those are the same boobs we've had the whole movie, by the way.

00:42:14.000 It's just one chick that they got to sign off.

00:42:15.000 Yeah.

00:42:16.000 They're just getting their money's worth out of each tit.

00:42:18.000 Trish! 1.00

00:42:19.000 You're up.

00:42:20.000 My tits are getting hypothermia.

00:42:24.000 I can't feel them anymore.

00:42:26.000 One of them's gone blue.

00:42:29.000 They look like a little boy's lips who's been swimming too long.

00:42:34.000 So you know how strippers work at Old Navy, especially the top alpha stripper of the whole club? 0.99

00:42:42.000 What is Lizzo Moonlight as?

00:42:45.000 I hope she has a pop career writing songs about getting dumped. 1.00

00:42:48.000 Good point.

00:42:49.000 Hey, that's Neon Joe.

00:42:51.000 Remember I showed you him?

00:42:53.000 No.

00:42:53.000 It's that stupid show on Adult Swimming where he's a werewolf?

00:42:56.000 Yeah, that's John Glazer.

00:42:57.000 That's my friend.

00:42:58.000 Right, yeah, that's right.

00:42:59.000 That's the guy who dumped me for Trump.

00:43:00.000 He said, this guy said to me, this is the dishwasher guy, right?

00:43:03.000 You should show each other.

00:43:04.000 This is the guy who said to me, we know this time was coming sooner or later.

00:43:09.000 But it's over.

00:43:11.000 And he always plays the same guy, like a douche, rock and roll, monster truck, guy who doesn't understand women or problems.

00:43:19.000 Well, now he's a old Navy supervisor.

00:43:22.000 All right, so I think in this movie's defense, something big happened when we saw Brian Williams.

00:43:27.000 Like he said, strip...

00:43:30.000 Strippers are an hour. 0.52

00:43:35.000 No, he probably said the private dance rooms have been banned.

00:43:40.000 Oh, oh, oh, right.

00:43:44.000 So now they're just down to normal stuff.

00:43:46.000 because that hasn't happened.

00:43:47.000 There hasn't been a scene She's like, and they're like, maybe do you want to remove your slut piercing? 1.00

00:43:55.000 I will concede while I was talking about how predictable this movie is, that I am confused about why they're broke right now.

00:44:02.000 Because look, wait, we're back to this tripper room.

00:44:05.000 Okay, yeah, now I'm confused.

00:44:06.000 So these rooms are still existing.

00:44:08.000 So what were they bitching about? 1.00

00:44:09.000 Why were they broke?

00:44:12.000 Like, you make $500 a night.

00:44:15.000 Dignity is making a small comeback.

00:44:17.000 Say you work five nights a week, right?

00:44:21.000 500 times 5 is $2,500 a week times 100 weeks, right, is 250 grand.

00:44:32.000 So times 50 weeks is 125 grand.

00:44:36.000 You're making 125 grand a year.

00:44:38.000 Well, you got to take away.

00:44:39.000 You're a very successful businessman.

00:44:40.000 You have to take away 12 weeks out of the year for periods.

00:44:46.000 No, I don't.

00:44:47.000 Oh, I didn't finish the story.

00:44:48.000 Yeah.

00:44:48.000 So the guy has a red dot on his white sweatpant.

00:44:52.000 Oh, look, that's what she just did. 1.00

00:44:53.000 It's funny you were saying that.

00:44:55.000 As you were saying that, she was cutting a string off a tear corner.

00:44:57.000 Oh, shit.

00:44:59.000 Then you stick it up in there, and then I guess you have to fish it out when it's time to go.

00:45:02.000 Or somebody else.

00:45:04.000 Look at the plot here.

00:45:06.000 The indication is that she was crying because she can't work that night and she won't be able to, what, buy bread?

00:45:14.000 If your life depends on $200.

00:45:16.000 They're turning this into like a Christmas carol.

00:45:18.000 Ebenezer Scrooge owns a strip club.

00:45:21.000 horror of future present of the ghost of I Is that too much to ask?

00:45:28.000 You are the ham.

00:45:29.000 Twirls her hair.

00:45:30.000 All right, these are creeps, right?

00:45:33.000 Italian businessman.

00:45:35.000 Oh, those fucking pigs. 1.00

00:45:36.000 So he's got a Japanese drinking scotch.

00:45:39.000 You know what I think?

00:45:40.000 This trope is so ubiquitous that women can't finally bust their ass, they become workaholics to get in to this world of mariner, by the way? 1.00

00:45:52.000 I don't know.

00:45:53.000 They showed his wedding ring, dumbass.

00:45:56.000 His watch was on display, though.

00:45:57.000 Right, but the point of the scene was his wedding ring.

00:46:02.000 So that they bust their ass.

00:46:04.000 And then they get into this world because they think it's all like madmen, and they go, wait, we're staying in all weekend to work on this expense report, this proposal for this merger?

00:46:14.000 I have to see my kids.

00:46:15.000 They're playing baseball.

00:46:16.000 No, it's not a Samara.

00:46:19.000 And they don't realize that these guys are letting off steam after working a 70-hour week.

00:46:24.000 It's not this.

00:46:25.000 This is not the norm.

00:46:27.000 Being a successful New York businessman is not all about martinis.

00:46:33.000 It's about all-nighters.

00:46:35.000 God, I wish the word martini sounded like all-nighters.

00:46:37.000 That would have been better.

00:46:38.000 It's not about apple teenis.

00:46:40.000 It's about all-nighters.

00:46:42.000 It's not about martinis.

00:46:43.000 It's about martinis.

00:46:44.000 Anyway, so those girls just had a long talk about how they need to make more money. 1.00

00:46:49.000 They're sick of working at Old Navy, right?

00:46:52.000 Apple teenis.

00:46:53.000 But I just worked out that they gross $125,000 a year.

00:46:56.000 You had a problem with periods.

00:46:57.000 I explained that they just cut the string off.

00:46:59.000 They just showed it to us as you were saying that, by the way.

00:47:04.000 And I still have to finish my period story.

00:47:07.000 So we're in the bathroom, and this Goomba has white sweatpants on, and he's got a paper towel.

00:47:13.000 He's washing them like that.

00:47:14.000 You see what they just did?

00:47:14.000 Is that Coke?

00:47:16.000 Yeah, they did finally show Coke.

00:47:18.000 But I think they're also giving him roofies.

00:47:20.000 And they just made him sign his credit card bill.

00:47:23.000 See that?

00:47:23.000 They use his hand.

00:47:24.000 And they put two papers behind it.

00:47:27.000 Oh, I didn't know.

00:47:27.000 So he could sign the bottom one?

00:47:29.000 Right.

00:47:29.000 As well as the top?

00:47:30.000 Oh, I get it.

00:47:33.000 Great.

00:47:33.000 Now we can drink for free.

00:47:37.000 Oh, the bar probably gives him a cut.

00:47:41.000 Oh, so that she sees his gross sneakers and she's like, no, thanks.

00:47:44.000 Oh, I see.

00:47:44.000 So this is how they spot high rollers.

00:47:47.000 Right.

00:47:49.000 Wow.

00:47:49.000 So they would find me because I spend my money so retardedly, and then they would find out that I have about $25 a month.

00:47:56.000 Yeah, they'd go back to your apartment and see fucking laundry all over the floor. 1.00

00:48:00.000 I'm a Horthwater contractor bag.

00:48:03.000 It's a kitchen bag.

00:48:05.000 You see that?

00:48:06.000 Why is Lizzo still in this goddamn movie?

00:48:09.000 Oh, that's not Lizzo.

00:48:11.000 It was blocked by the camera.

00:48:14.000 Why is a quarter of Lizzo in this movie still?

00:48:17.000 Why is there still African-American women who I assume are all Lizzo? 1.00

00:48:20.000 Anyway, he's scrubbing his leg.

00:48:24.000 And wait a minute.

00:48:27.000 Now they're talking about the Coke.

00:48:30.000 Roofy Coke.

00:48:31.000 What if this Coke were Roofies? 0.93

00:48:33.000 But that's crazy talk.

00:48:35.000 If this Coke were Roofies, he would be totally passed out super early, and we'd have to go through like 10, 15 guys' credit cards in a night.

00:48:43.000 Our income would be quadruple, tentuplified.

00:48:48.000 Wait a minute.

00:48:49.000 Let's roofy dudes. 1.00

00:48:53.000 Come on, y'all.

00:48:56.000 So he's scrubbing his leg.

00:48:57.000 So this is a turning point in the film, I guess.

00:48:59.000 This is where the criminal has decided, I'm going to roofy dudes.

00:49:05.000 I don't know what this conversation is about, though.

00:49:07.000 That's probably Coke they had on them, right?

00:49:10.000 Yeah.

00:49:10.000 Yeah, they're probably saying, look, he did so much Coke, he kept staying up.

00:49:14.000 And that's why we had to hang out with him for so long.

00:49:16.000 I wish there was a way we could do the reverse.

00:49:18.000 I think there is a way.

00:49:21.000 Jinseng.

00:49:23.000 That's what Constant Wu just said.

00:49:26.000 I could karate chop him on his neck.

00:49:30.000 Acupuncture.

00:49:32.000 If you go through the foot, it affect brain.

00:49:36.000 So he's scrubbing his pant leg, his white track pants, scrubbing, scrubbing.

00:49:41.000 And me and my buddy Trevor, we look at him, we go, dude.

00:49:47.000 And he's like, what, man?

00:49:48.000 What?

00:49:48.000 It's going to be anything.

00:49:50.000 And we go, it could be anything.

00:49:52.000 You know what that is.

00:49:53.000 And he goes, no, I'm not.

00:49:54.000 I don't know.

00:49:55.000 I don't know.

00:49:56.000 And he's scrubbing and scrubbing.

00:49:57.000 And we just go, do the math, dude.

00:50:00.000 You know what that is.

00:50:01.000 And he goes, fuck it is, isn't it?

00:50:04.000 And we go, yes, there's no other options.

00:50:08.000 What?

00:50:08.000 Someone cut their leg on their way over to sitting on you?

00:50:12.000 You, the woman, menstrual blood. 1.00

00:50:14.000 You have a woman's scrambled eggs on your fucking juice. 1.00

00:50:20.000 You've been bled upon.

00:50:22.000 And it was a bummer from?

00:50:25.000 What he did was he called management.

00:50:26.000 They lined up all the girls. 1.00

00:50:28.000 What?

00:50:28.000 Yep.

00:50:28.000 And then he had a wad of toilet paper, and he dabbed every single girl's vajun.

00:50:35.000 Do you believe me?

00:50:38.000 Yes, I do.

00:50:39.000 Why?

00:50:39.000 Because the guy was Uday Hussein and we were in Iraq.

00:50:43.000 I don't know how they work.

00:50:44.000 I've been there three times.

00:50:46.000 Okay, well, you're not allowed to make all the women stand reveal their vajricle. 0.98

00:50:50.000 Do you know the sinister test?

00:50:53.000 The record scratches.

00:50:54.000 Line up!

00:50:55.000 We got another complaint.

00:50:57.000 We got a case.

00:50:58.000 Come on, damaged $40 sweatpants.

00:51:01.000 You have a code three.

00:51:02.000 There's only really four codes we really have to do.

00:51:06.000 So this is them deciding whether they should drug men and rob them.

00:51:09.000 And they're showing that they have a conscience.

00:51:12.000 Because it took them a long time to decide to do this crime.

00:51:16.000 And again, how is this badass?

00:51:19.000 How is this cool that women are drugging men and robbing them? 1.00

00:51:26.000 Girls, we just decided to become rapists, basically.

00:51:30.000 And you know what else we're doing?

00:51:32.000 For any stripper who wants to call this her temporary living or in any way to get on her feet in the future, we're now putting this whole thing in jeopardy because there's no longer this trust because we're now taking advantage of it.

00:51:44.000 We're basically ending a business.

00:51:45.000 Yeah, this lifelong understanding between man and woman, working woman, is now coming to an end because we're...

00:51:55.000 Like this guy normally, right, without being bamboozled, was probably going to spend three Grand that night.

00:52:01.000 And they want to push it to 10 or maybe 20.

00:52:07.000 Yeah, that's what it really is about.

00:52:08.000 It's about going from 3 to 15, we'll say.

00:52:13.000 Well, I guess in a way, like men gangsters.

00:52:16.000 Brian Insight coming up.

00:52:19.000 Gangsters that are men, there's probably more killing involved.

00:52:24.000 So they're not their lives.

00:52:28.000 In order to make this not disgusting, what you have to do is spend the first half of the movie making us hate men and make these girls look sympathetic.

00:52:37.000 But in reality, living in New York when this story was big, we know these guys and we know these women and we go, you're a fucking bitch. 1.00

00:52:47.000 they almost murdered a guy.

00:52:48.000 And this guy's backstory, you know, we're meant to hate him, but, I mean, I mean, could he get the job interview by being just a complete asshole?

00:52:57.000 Does he not...

00:53:09.000 I don't think so at all, no.

00:53:11.000 In fact, even that scene, they were freaking out when he almost died.

00:53:16.000 So it's sort of like they're hoping we'll perceive them as bank robbers, like kind of cool, dangerous ladies who got up to some mischief.

00:53:24.000 But wait, now they're starting to have doubts to like.

00:53:27.000 No, they're not.

00:53:28.000 They finally got his card.

00:53:29.000 He's alive.

00:53:30.000 She's going to go run it through for 15 grand. 0.94

00:53:33.000 Oh, wow.

00:53:33.000 They really are just pumped about it.

00:53:37.000 Yeah, look at her little strike. 1.00

00:53:38.000 I think the woman that this is about tried to sue J-Lo in this movie. 0.77

00:53:44.000 Woo! 0.99

00:53:46.000 Isn't this a huge deal legally, is it not?

00:53:50.000 Because there's robbing someone, right?

00:53:53.000 And then there's drugging them to a point where you could kill them and then robbing them.

00:53:57.000 Right.

00:53:58.000 And then you've now left a paper trail because you checked into a hotel.

00:54:02.000 Like I always said, roofy rapes are a much bigger deal than rape rapes, though rape rapes are very bad, don't get me wrong. 1.00

00:54:09.000 Because a person's not conscious.

00:54:11.000 But the problem with Rohypnol is you have to go buy it.

00:54:16.000 So like on a Tuesday afternoon, you go, I'm probably going to get up to some of my classic raping on Friday.

00:54:23.000 Let me buy some pills.

00:54:24.000 So you go and buy your rape pill three days before.

00:54:29.000 And then that night, you pack, you put on your cologne and your medallion and you slick back your hair and you got your tinted glasses on.

00:54:38.000 And you put your rape pills in your pocket.

00:54:42.000 And then you go see a girl and put it in there.

00:54:44.000 Isn't that worse?

00:54:45.000 It's premeditated rape.

00:54:47.000 Yeah.

00:54:48.000 Instead of heat of passion rape. 1.00

00:54:51.000 And this is like dark.

00:54:54.000 This is sinister.

00:54:55.000 This isn't fun.

00:54:59.000 What if that guy was going to be a repeat customer?

00:55:02.000 It's kind of rape.

00:55:03.000 I would say roofie raping a woman, rape raping a woman, and then roofie robbing a man are in the same thing, but obviously the hierarchy is roofy rape, rape, rape, down quite a bit, and then this roofie robs.

00:55:18.000 That's true.

00:55:20.000 That's probably his nickname back when I was school was roofy rob.

00:55:23.000 No, because I did it, because I got roofing a lot.

00:55:26.000 But I did get good at it, if you will.

00:55:29.000 So now they've decided to really pursue it.

00:55:31.000 Now we're getting into the third act.

00:55:34.000 So they got a bunch of roofs.

00:55:37.000 They cook them up.

00:55:38.000 How do they understand the dosage?

00:55:40.000 They're broads.

00:55:41.000 I think women embracing the use of date rape drugs is like black people using the N-word. 1.00

00:55:50.000 It's just like, we're just going to own something that's been used against us for so long.

00:55:54.000 Wait a minute.

00:55:55.000 Now let's boil it and then you make it into a powder.

00:55:59.000 They make it into a powder?

00:56:00.000 Can't you crush it up?

00:56:02.000 Why don't you just crush up the pills in the first place?

00:56:04.000 Oh, yeah.

00:56:06.000 Or maybe they're mixing Coke and Roofies.

00:56:09.000 No, that would kill you.

00:56:11.000 So that's what they did.

00:56:12.000 They just tried the roofies and passed out.

00:56:15.000 I remember Justin Thoreau was really pushing me to do an article or a video piece where I roofied myself.

00:56:22.000 I never got around to it.

00:56:23.000 That's the suggestion box.

00:56:26.000 Crumple, crumple.

00:56:29.000 This seems like a very involved way to make roofie powder.

00:56:33.000 Just stand on it with your boot.

00:56:37.000 Get Lizzo in there.

00:56:41.000 Ask Lizzo to carry them around in her back pocket for a week.

00:56:44.000 Hey girl, what's up?

00:56:45.000 You never call me.

00:56:45.000 What's up?

00:56:47.000 You pickpocket Lizzo, but instead of taking something out of her pocket, you put something in her pocket.

00:56:53.000 It's like 10 rupees, and then four days later you take it out, and it's just the finest goop.

00:56:59.000 It's the finest tunk.

00:57:02.000 It has to be in a bag, obviously.

00:57:03.000 You can turn on a vacuum cleaner across the room.

00:57:06.000 It'll fly in there.

00:57:07.000 Yeah, you have to be careful when you open it because it'll just go, whoa.

00:57:12.000 Especially if she's ever sat on a wood bench during that time.

00:57:16.000 But even if she sat on like a tempur-pedic mattress crunch, the sheer mattress.

00:57:21.000 Turns into a styrofoam.

00:57:24.000 That poor woman. 1.00

00:57:26.000 God bless her. 1.00

00:57:27.000 Well, they stuck her in a fucking striper movie. 1.00

00:57:29.000 What are we supposed to do?

00:57:32.000 All right, so now they're loving it.

00:57:34.000 Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.

00:57:36.000 Did Jayla have this apartment when she worked at Old Navy?

00:57:39.000 I think she did.

00:57:41.000 Because I think I know a problem with her finances.

00:57:43.000 Your rent is $7,000 a month.

00:57:46.000 You have the best.

00:57:47.000 And you live on Fifth Avenue next to Central Park.

00:57:51.000 You may want to head back to the Bronx, Jenny from the Black. 0.98

00:57:57.000 Her walk is actually pissing me off. 0.96

00:57:59.000 Yeah, I hate this RuPaul strut that she does. 1.00

00:58:02.000 Like, I am woman, hear me roar, I'm Beyonce type shit.

00:58:08.000 Ben Glebe.

00:58:11.000 So, again, men are dunces.

00:58:15.000 I feel sorry for these men.

00:58:17.000 Yeah, they didn't do anything wrong.

00:58:19.000 Especially here.

00:58:22.000 And they're not even fucking these girls. 0.99

00:58:25.000 Jeffrey Toobin with his wig off?

00:58:26.000 They're just lying around on their back while beautiful ladies dance around them. 1.00

00:58:31.000 I don't even think my wife would be mad if I did that.

00:58:34.000 Yeah, right.

00:58:35.000 This is a story of greed.

00:58:37.000 Exception.

00:58:37.000 I don't go to strip clubs anymore, but if I got a lap dance and the girl was fully clothed the whole time, I don't want to test this out, but I don't think my wife would give a shit.

00:58:46.000 Yeah.

00:58:48.000 We would go to strip clubs together when we were single.

00:58:51.000 It was fun.

00:58:52.000 It wasn't like sexual.

00:58:52.000 It was silly.

00:58:54.000 Well, a little bit sexual, but not really.

00:58:57.000 It's what happened there.

00:58:58.000 It's like a burlesque-y type of.

00:59:01.000 Here's money for your hip. 1.00

00:59:02.000 It's goofy.

00:59:06.000 Here's money for your reading.

00:59:07.000 Oh, look.

00:59:11.000 I thought it was her tutor.

00:59:15.000 Darling, you're marvelous.

00:59:17.000 Wait, what was that now?

00:59:19.000 I don't know.

00:59:19.000 Some merger.

00:59:21.000 She just bought Citibank?

00:59:22.000 Yeah.

00:59:24.000 There she is with her boyfriend.

00:59:25.000 That's every blogger who fucks with us. 0.98

00:59:27.000 That's Amanda Muzza. 0.79

00:59:30.000 Look what they do with their money.

00:59:32.000 Some of it goes to my sick mom.

00:59:34.000 Some of it goes to my nanny.

00:59:36.000 But most of it goes to Macy's.

00:59:39.000 Guys, all the expensive stuff we're buying, my cousins in China make it for $10,000.

00:59:45.000 I can make it.

00:59:46.000 I can make it like I have.

00:59:47.000 You bring me one Louis Vuitton shoe.

00:59:50.000 You give me 24 hours.

00:59:51.000 I make you like 50.

00:59:53.000 We can invest in starting a block in Canal Street, rent an apartment, like, you know, make $500.

01:00:00.000 Oh, you lost your momentum there.

01:00:02.000 I was paying attention.

01:00:03.000 I don't care why.

01:00:05.000 I'm telling you why your joke died.

01:00:06.000 That's possible, but this part really snagged me.

01:00:10.000 Now, this is the part, and I remember there was an interview, and it's over.

01:00:17.000 I shan't talk about it.

01:00:18.000 More shopping.

01:00:18.000 This movie's not for men.

01:00:21.000 But it's weird because there's so many scenes where they're dancing sexy.

01:00:24.000 And I guess that's for women, too. 0.99

01:00:26.000 Shopping sexy.

01:00:28.000 Is this poor bastard getting fucking raped?

01:00:32.000 God forbid a man should be horny. 0.94

01:00:34.000 Isn't there some subtext here where it's like, men are disgusting because they're so horny?

01:00:39.000 But women are easy. 1.00

01:00:40.000 That's why there's 7 billion of us.

01:00:43.000 Yeah.

01:00:43.000 If we weren't horny, you wouldn't have been born.

01:00:46.000 Are they breaking the fourth wall?

01:00:47.000 Yeah, I was just thinking that.

01:00:49.000 Did she just look at me like, you just nailed the film?

01:00:54.000 This is exactly what we were trying to do.

01:00:56.000 But we're not disgusting for showing your tits and ass. 1.00

01:00:58.000 That's just.

01:00:59.000 Anyway, you want some coffee?

01:01:00.000 Because I don't want to go to jail.

01:01:03.000 Coffee's not going to get you to jail.

01:01:04.000 Bribes are usually in the millions.

01:01:06.000 Yeah.

01:01:07.000 And I'm clearly like three points lower than what you are on the hot scale, so I'm pretty anxious to get you in jail.

01:01:13.000 What's happening here?

01:01:16.000 Here's another part I don't understand.

01:01:18.000 They're at the mall.

01:01:20.000 Maybe she's the madam of the strip club. 1.00

01:01:23.000 And the madam is starting to say, wait, what the fuck is going on? 1.00

01:01:27.000 You guys are living lodging.

01:01:28.000 I don't know what the fuck is going on.

01:01:30.000 Cardin B is the only one with the normal salary.

01:01:33.000 Look, mama's pissed. 1.00

01:01:37.000 Okay, this would be the second moment besides the news scene where I don't know what's going on.

01:01:42.000 Oh, they're just doing blow right now.

01:01:43.000 Look at them just doing blow like lunatics.

01:01:45.000 What are they me in DC this past week?

01:01:51.000 I wouldn't know anything about that.

01:01:54.000 I'll tell you later.

01:01:55.000 Is this supposed to be them out of control doing Coke in a mini mall?

01:01:58.000 Are you doing puppies?

01:01:59.000 At a food court?

01:02:01.000 Oh, again with the walking scene, walking together, badass bitches. 1.00

01:02:06.000 And then back to shopping.

01:02:08.000 They love buying shops.

01:02:09.000 There's so much consumerism in this film.

01:02:11.000 And the thing is, looking...

01:02:17.000 Yes.

01:02:18.000 To some degree.

01:02:19.000 Yes, I like Rocco wear.

01:02:21.000 I don't want them to be fancy.

01:02:23.000 But most of looking good, I believe, is to project that towards men. 0.66

01:02:28.000 All we ask is that you wear heels three times a week and you don't look like Lizzo.

01:02:32.000 That's pretty easy.

01:02:34.000 And don't roofy us, please.

01:02:37.000 Don't try to start chemistry to try to roofie me, please.

01:02:42.000 You got to give it to them, though.

01:02:43.000 If they really did do that and found a new way to free basing or whatever the hell they just did.

01:02:48.000 If I was making this film, I would say I'm going to have a lot of trouble eliciting sympathy for girls that drug innocent men and take all their shit. 1.00

01:02:56.000 Who do a perfectly legal profession?

01:02:59.000 Yeah, this is my problem with uncut gems.

01:03:02.000 I didn't like Adam Sandler.

01:03:04.000 Right.

01:03:04.000 No, me neither.

01:03:05.000 He cheats on his wife.

01:03:06.000 He's a fucking drug addict.

01:03:08.000 Wait, is he a drug addict?

01:03:09.000 No, he's not a drug addict.

01:03:11.000 He's a gambling addict.

01:03:13.000 He's a shitty dad.

01:03:14.000 He ignores his, he's not there for his kids.

01:03:17.000 And you'd go, oh, I guess he's really poor.

01:03:20.000 Like, when my wife and I rented it, I thought, oh, it's going to be about a poor guy in the diamond trade who hustles and hustles and then has his big break.

01:03:27.000 Like, show me the money, right?

01:03:29.000 And then all of a sudden he's successful after some hardship.

01:03:32.000 No, he's very successful from day one.

01:03:34.000 And he's just as selfish.

01:03:36.000 He's like an animal.

01:03:38.000 He can't help but to just put the money into another bet, and another bet.

01:03:43.000 Spoiler alert, plug your ears when we're about to talk about the ending of Uncut Gems.

01:03:47.000 And I'll put my hand down when we're done.

01:03:50.000 Okay, so plug your ears.

01:03:51.000 When he gets shot at the end.

01:03:54.000 In the head, I just went like.

01:03:58.000 I cared more about Robert De Niro when he got shot in the head in Joker.

01:04:01.000 But when they...

01:04:03.000 But when you were watching the game, weren't you like, this is good?

01:04:08.000 He's finally getting his little company.

01:04:09.000 Yes.

01:04:09.000 Oh, sure.

01:04:10.000 I was looking for basketball.

01:04:12.000 Oh, he's going to finally pay off his bills, whatever.

01:04:14.000 But then when that didn't happen and he died, I went, oh, he's dead.

01:04:17.000 No.

01:04:18.000 That's like a roadkill.

01:04:18.000 It was like seeing a possum at the side of the road.

01:04:20.000 That really killed my mood.

01:04:22.000 I was recovering from a cold.

01:04:24.000 You know, the reason I wanted to show this movie is because it shows the absolute disdain we have for white men of a certain ilk.

01:04:34.000 Christian, white, suburban family men who are successful.

01:04:40.000 What?

01:04:40.000 Who maybe aren't perfect and go to a strip club.

01:04:42.000 I don't even see the crime here.

01:04:44.000 The weather is just cultural hatred for guys like this.

01:04:47.000 You know, the white man.

01:04:50.000 Imagine this movie was all about black men who got ripped off and roofied and all their shit stolen.

01:04:57.000 Would these girls be heroes if this was all Black men, 100% black men. 0.87

01:05:02.000 So they went, and it was.

01:05:05.000 Is it weird that I'm like, I think I've thought of something too racist to say in front of Gavin McInnes?

01:05:10.000 Yeah, that's pretty bad.

01:05:13.000 That's pretty bad.

01:05:14.000 No, yeah, no.

01:05:15.000 But seriously, doesn't that sort of shock you?

01:05:17.000 Like, what's that non-poor industry that blacks are in that are predominantly black? 0.98

01:05:22.000 Whatever.

01:05:25.000 Say it's, yeah, it's like a record label, an RB record label or something.

01:05:29.000 And these girls would go to the bar where the RB record label was, and they'd have these Quincy Jones types, and they would drug them and take all their money. 1.00

01:05:39.000 Not all their money, but tens of thousands.

01:05:42.000 That whole movie would be like, it would be the Klan. 0.94

01:05:45.000 Oh, I secretly was hoping that was the credits coming up.

01:05:49.000 Okay, so what's happening here?

01:05:51.000 Now they're so rich, they're moving.

01:05:54.000 Why is this in slow motion?

01:05:55.000 There's literally been zero diversity when it comes to the business guys that they're ripping off.

01:05:58.000 Oh, is this their drone?

01:06:00.000 They fly over the city.

01:06:01.000 And you know what's funny too?

01:06:03.000 When Usher ran in and he was there with his boys, it was like the party just started.

01:06:08.000 Yeah, that was cool.

01:06:09.000 And no one's robbing Usher.

01:06:10.000 Because they're wearing foo boo. 0.74

01:06:12.000 Yeah.

01:06:12.000 Why didn't you rob Usher?

01:06:13.000 Because you'd be shot more money.

01:06:16.000 He'd be shot by his homies. 1.00

01:06:17.000 You've got more money than these guys.

01:06:20.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:06:21.000 Rob Usher.

01:06:22.000 They're not working at 9 to 12.

01:06:24.000 Yeah, I just noticed that.

01:06:25.000 Now this made the whole movie worth it.

01:06:27.000 Yeah.

01:06:28.000 That if this was blacks, no one would want. 1.00

01:06:31.000 No one would be excited.

01:06:35.000 She just like runs the strip club office, the wages and stuff? 1.00

01:06:39.000 She feeds the dog.

01:06:42.000 Look, we have no family, so we make our own family.

01:06:44.000 No, you have no family because you're strippers. 1.00

01:06:48.000 Where am I?

01:06:49.000 No one wants us.

01:06:50.000 America wants you.

01:06:51.000 That's why you make money.

01:06:53.000 You just don't want us.

01:06:54.000 I love Barbie dog. 0.98

01:06:54.000 Oh, okay. 0.98

01:06:55.000 Yay, I love Barbies. 1.00

01:06:57.000 Thanks for drugging rich guys, Mom. 0.97

01:06:59.000 Thanks for...

01:07:04.000 Thanks for raping white men. 1.00

01:07:06.000 You did a great job.

01:07:08.000 What did I get?

01:07:11.000 They just give Lizzo like a salad in a box?

01:07:13.000 She's like, y'all.

01:07:14.000 Y'all need to do it.

01:07:16.000 They give Lizzo a business card, and it's for a guy who does liposuction.

01:07:20.000 Castric bypass.

01:07:24.000 She opens the box and a surgeon comes out with washed hands. 0.86

01:07:27.000 We're ready.

01:07:29.000 Don't lie to me.

01:07:32.000 Excuse me.

01:07:32.000 Dr. No.

01:07:33.000 Yeah.

01:07:35.000 Dr. No jumps out of a birthday cake.

01:07:38.000 She's all excited to eat it.

01:07:39.000 And then Dr. No jumps out of the birthday cake and he's like, you know how many calories is in this?

01:07:46.000 You would have over 7,000 calories.

01:07:49.000 So excuse me.

01:07:50.000 Why are you lying to me?

01:07:52.000 I lost my Dr. No.

01:07:54.000 You haven't watched him in a while.

01:07:55.000 That'll happen.

01:07:56.000 I gotta get him back.

01:07:57.000 I used to have a really good Jim Jeffries or some shit.

01:08:00.000 I don't remember.

01:08:01.000 But like some comedian that was big and it's gone.

01:08:04.000 Forever.

01:08:04.000 Until I watch him again.

01:08:06.000 Look at that haircut.

01:08:08.000 Ooh.

01:08:09.000 There's like a half fro.

01:08:13.000 Here's the thing about this movie, too, that I noticed.

01:08:15.000 You might see a girl and never see her in this whole movie again.

01:08:18.000 Yeah.

01:08:18.000 But it's J-Lo's best friend.

01:08:20.000 She's there for Christmas.

01:08:22.000 Right.

01:08:23.000 Lizo's not there.

01:08:24.000 Don't freak out.

01:08:25.000 I know you're feeling guilty.

01:08:27.000 Look, someone shot me in the head.

01:08:29.000 I know you're feeling guilty, but we're going to be making 10 times more money.

01:08:32.000 We're going to rape tons more white men. 1.00

01:08:34.000 White men are human garbage. 0.99

01:08:36.000 I agree, honey.

01:08:36.000 Let me get a picture.

01:08:37.000 Everyone say, white men are human garbage.

01:08:41.000 Everybody say, I look like Dave Hill.

01:08:48.000 Hey.

01:08:51.000 That's what Hank Coulter said.

01:08:53.000 She goes, the only thing the left can agree on, they've got jihadists and Black Lives Matter and liberal feminists. 1.00

01:09:00.000 The only one thing they all agree on is that they all hate white men.

01:09:03.000 Interesting.

01:09:05.000 So now they're praying.

01:09:06.000 I think this is when they're going to see a turning point.

01:09:09.000 Right.

01:09:10.000 What God is.

01:09:11.000 Moloch?

01:09:12.000 Lucifer.

01:09:15.000 This is when you're going to see.

01:09:16.000 This is the part of Christmas where they have an upside-down cross and they burn goat's blood.

01:09:22.000 That child's only there to be sacrificed.

01:09:24.000 Asferatin, As Machmanad.

01:09:26.000 Asferatin, yeah.

01:09:29.000 All the names on the stockings are backwards.

01:09:32.000 Yirstamat, in Serap.

01:09:36.000 That's why we can read them perfectly in the mirror.

01:09:40.000 Oh, we just gave away what we're doing.

01:09:42.000 Oh.

01:09:43.000 You just gave away the behind the scenes.

01:09:45.000 Yes, we're watching this movie in a mirror.

01:09:47.000 I'll take a picture for posterity later.

01:09:50.000 Wouldn't it be funny if we turn up the volume and it's like war pigs being played backwards?

01:09:56.000 January.

01:09:57.000 How long can they congratulate themselves for rape?

01:09:59.000 And yes, I know I'm using that word slightly inaccurately, but it's in the same genre as sexual rape.

01:10:08.000 And if you fast forward to one of their victims, their Christmases might be a bunch of uncles, aunts, distant relatives, children running around, just like a nice family gathering.

01:10:18.000 But this is just a...

01:10:26.000 They see some of the one of the white guys who really got reamed and actually didn't have enough money for Christmas that year.

01:10:31.000 And his kid got like a Fisher-Price car.

01:10:34.000 Ouch.

01:10:35.000 And they're not dancing around like this.

01:10:37.000 Right.

01:10:38.000 Because, you know, they were out one night celebrating.

01:10:42.000 They were only rich guys.

01:10:44.000 We only rob super rich guys.

01:10:47.000 I actually was super rich, but I donate most of my money to cancer research and because I have the means.

01:10:53.000 We live in a small house in Connecticut.

01:10:55.000 And my family was looking forward to the money that I budgeted for Christmas.

01:10:59.000 I think I know what's going on here.

01:11:00.000 They're dragging out the scene so long and making it Christmas to show that they're all human.

01:11:04.000 And I bet that old Chinese lady just said something sexual. 1.00

01:11:07.000 Like, I used to have fun in my day.

01:11:09.000 I would love them a long time.

01:11:13.000 Ooh, shit.

01:11:16.000 Sue's a freak. 1.00

01:11:17.000 She's a freak. 1.00

01:11:18.000 She's a Chinese freak. 1.00

01:11:19.000 Let's dance all night.

01:11:20.000 Yeah, let's drink.

01:11:21.000 Mimosas at 11 a.m.

01:11:23.000 Yeah, drunk.

01:11:25.000 It's pretty bright out.

01:11:27.000 Yeah.

01:11:28.000 Women love drinking early in the day. 1.00

01:11:32.000 Women love drinking early in the day. 1.00

01:11:36.000 We'll be right back.

01:11:37.000 Okay, so we get it.

01:11:38.000 You're human beings with hearts of gold that just want to be with each other.

01:11:41.000 Yeah, you all just need a man and a family. 0.90

01:11:44.000 That's what you need.

01:11:46.000 Yeah, who's listening to their problems?

01:11:47.000 What do they do when they get money?

01:11:49.000 Do they start a help center for other struggling strippers? 0.96

01:11:55.000 No, they buy fucking shoes.

01:11:57.000 You know why a lesbian relationship can't work? 1.00

01:12:00.000 It's because there's two women who want to be wanted, but each of those women want to be wanted. 1.00

01:12:07.000 So they're worried about being wanted instead of actually wanting the other one.

01:12:10.000 So this is an incomplete friendship.

01:12:13.000 They're definitely missing the male.

01:12:15.000 We weren't partying at Christmas.

01:12:16.000 Well, we have footage of you partying at Christmas.

01:12:19.000 Oh, okay.

01:12:20.000 I had one mimosa, present, and I went home.

01:12:23.000 Chinese New Year races.

01:12:25.000 No, it wasn't.

01:12:26.000 I know you parted your ass off.

01:12:28.000 You got mimosas and dancing.

01:12:30.000 Really?

01:12:31.000 If I was dancing, what move was I doing?

01:12:32.000 You were doing the mamaloo.

01:12:34.000 You were doing the hot dog.

01:12:35.000 You were doing the human humana.

01:12:36.000 You did the hound dog.

01:12:37.000 Naomi did the running man.

01:12:38.000 I remember that.

01:12:40.000 You were popping and locking.

01:12:42.000 Should I go on?

01:12:43.000 And now you're doing the Sepin.

01:12:44.000 Yeah, see.

01:12:44.000 So we'll see.

01:12:45.000 I did the robot.

01:12:45.000 You didn't even mention it once.

01:12:46.000 So you didn't see me.

01:12:48.000 Okay, the robot, yes.

01:12:49.000 Now you're doing the lion come shuffle.

01:12:54.000 Is she married to the fatty?

01:12:56.000 No, I think that was like a client or something because he went downstairs and he's like, oh, I can't do this.

01:13:02.000 And she scratched him off his list.

01:13:04.000 Oh.

01:13:05.000 She was like, oh, oh, well.

01:13:07.000 Oh, so that was some nice, sweet, fat guy that loved her to death.

01:13:11.000 And she called him for a rape. 1.00

01:13:14.000 No, I think he had a family, actually.

01:13:17.000 She called him to say want to come for a party, meaning a rape. 1.00

01:13:20.000 Oh, maybe.

01:13:21.000 Right, right.

01:13:21.000 And crossed him off the list.

01:13:23.000 She's got a real sassitude. 1.00

01:13:25.000 Look at that.

01:13:25.000 Yeah.

01:13:25.000 She learned that from J-Lo.

01:13:27.000 She's like, I'm waiting for it tonight.

01:13:29.000 Whoa.

01:13:30.000 If you have so much sassitude, why are you speaking to the FBI without a lawyer present?

01:13:35.000 Yeah.

01:13:36.000 You're not a really good criminal, are you?

01:13:38.000 Miss in control.

01:13:42.000 Yeah, right.

01:13:44.000 Yeah, right.

01:13:45.000 I didn't rape them.

01:13:46.000 I didn't put anything in the bodies.

01:13:48.000 Yeah, but you would drug them. 0.99

01:13:50.000 What do we know?

01:13:50.000 2013.

01:13:51.000 I don't know what that means in the scale of...

01:13:55.000 It was 28, and in 2008, they went up to 2011.

01:13:58.000 Then we had Brian Williams as a news guy.

01:14:01.000 Maybe they're just throwing that in your face to be like, look, no matter what date we throw at you, there've been thievious, greedy horse this entire time.

01:14:09.000 Thieving.

01:14:10.000 Thieving.

01:14:13.000 Oh, is this her having a second thoughts?

01:14:15.000 This lighting makes me look kind of good.

01:14:19.000 I'd like her to be attractive just once in this movie. 1.00

01:14:22.000 It looks like we're siblings.

01:14:23.000 I'm a Wu fan.

01:14:24.000 Sista, what happened?

01:14:26.000 Why are you pussying out?

01:14:27.000 I'm starting to have second thoughts.

01:14:29.000 Oh, this is her.

01:14:31.000 This is her saying, I don't think we can do this anymore.

01:14:33.000 Have we not been legal?

01:14:34.000 Why are you such a pussy? 1.00

01:14:36.000 Look, you fuckers lost the opium wars.

01:14:39.000 You fucking didn't participate in World War I or World War II.

01:14:44.000 You're losers.

01:14:44.000 Ever heard of the Rape of Nanking?

01:14:50.000 Don't be a pussy.

01:14:50.000 Let's keep raping men.

01:14:53.000 Look, she likes to rape men. 1.00

01:14:55.000 Hi, I love it.

01:14:56.000 They call me the chicken.

01:14:57.000 Oh, this is what's happening.

01:14:58.000 Look, there's a new kid in town.

01:15:01.000 There's a new kid in town.

01:15:04.000 So she realizes, yeah, I get it.

01:15:07.000 Constance Wu showed some hesitance and some reticence.

01:15:13.000 So now she's throwing it in.

01:15:14.000 And Jayla is like, bitch, I can get some fucking ginge in here to take over. 1.00

01:15:19.000 Look at me laughing.

01:15:20.000 And we had that sort of connection.

01:15:22.000 Ooh, now she's your best friend.

01:15:23.000 But if you actually had a man, then you would actually not even be bothered by this whatsoever.

01:15:27.000 Yeah.

01:15:28.000 Good point.

01:15:29.000 Unfortunately.

01:15:30.000 When a married woman sees one of her friends being friends with another friend, she goes, oh, I guess that's, she doesn't want to hang out anymore. 0.94

01:15:35.000 That's weird.

01:15:35.000 Oh, that's weird that the most important person in my life can be caddy at any moment that they feel emotionally.

01:15:42.000 So that pulled Constance back in.

01:15:45.000 And now she's saying, all right, Ginge, there's no way someone's taking my spot.

01:15:50.000 You think Ging is going to get hurt?

01:15:53.000 I think Ginge might be an overhead.

01:15:55.000 She might be karate chopped in a few moments. 1.00

01:15:57.000 By that weird little man-woman. 0.99

01:15:59.000 What gender is that thing? 1.00

01:16:00.000 That's Scary Perry?

01:16:01.000 Maybe there are more than two genders. 1.00

01:16:04.000 What is that thing?

01:16:06.000 He, she, and it.

01:16:08.000 Look at their face.

01:16:10.000 This is so bad.

01:16:11.000 We're making a big mistake.

01:16:13.000 There are more than two genders.

01:16:15.000 He, she, and it.

01:16:16.000 Wait, what's going on?

01:16:17.000 They're stealing his card?

01:16:22.000 Sorry for snorting, folks at home.

01:16:23.000 I have to piss Major Lee?

01:16:25.000 Go right there.

01:16:30.000 Major Lee?

01:16:31.000 I believe that was the Dukes of Hazards card.

01:16:37.000 Don't bump anything there.

01:16:39.000 Oh, geez.

01:16:40.000 Alright, so Ginger's freaking out.

01:16:42.000 She's in over her head. 0.95

01:16:43.000 She was used by Jennifer Lopez to make Constance Wu more nervous about quitting. 1.00

01:16:49.000 She was a kick in the ass. 1.00

01:16:51.000 But she recruited her too soon, and now she can't handle her shit. 1.00

01:16:56.000 Whoa, what's happening?

01:17:02.000 Does that piss Mike'd?

01:17:06.000 Ryan, it's courteous to sit when you pee when being recorded.

01:17:11.000 Another dead guy.

01:17:14.000 Well, he's looking pretty dead, yeah.

01:17:18.000 He's nude at his house face down by the pool.

01:17:21.000 And he has gorgeous buns.

01:17:24.000 High-quality buns.

01:17:28.000 Every time I say something like that, I hear the groipers saying, you're a faggot, Gavin.

01:17:33.000 After I told him I want to fuck them with my heels on, which I deeply regret.

01:17:38.000 Dude, you should have sat down to do it.

01:17:40.000 So it's quiet.

01:17:44.000 Or put it on the edge of the bowl.

01:17:45.000 This is going to be on your mic.

01:17:50.000 Oi, hey.

01:17:51.000 Wow, this guy's ripped.

01:17:53.000 Why is he getting so many prostitutes? 0.77

01:17:55.000 He could just get girls to do it for free.

01:17:57.000 Oh, she's dry heaving. 1.00

01:17:59.000 Jesus, women Have high standards for male beauty. 1.00

01:18:02.000 That guy's got nothing but six packs, and she's puking. 1.00

01:18:07.000 I can only imagine what my dad bod would do to her.

01:18:15.000 There's a new kid in town.

01:18:18.000 All right, so you missed.

01:18:20.000 They went a little farther.

01:18:23.000 Oh, he's alive.

01:18:24.000 And now they're killing him?

01:18:26.000 They just punched him out, I think.

01:18:28.000 The black woman did? 1.00

01:18:30.000 Which I doubt.

01:18:32.000 Did they have a beer?

01:18:33.000 There's a whole box right there.

01:18:41.000 Wait, so that black chick is such an awesome fighter that when he woke up from his, what they thought, they thought he was a cadaver, by the way.

01:18:49.000 When he woke up and started looking around, she just went and knocked him out.

01:18:53.000 Maybe because he's on the brink of consciousness.

01:18:57.000 Oh, that's valid.

01:18:59.000 Just to give him a little cred.

01:19:01.000 Be another.

01:19:02.000 So what are they going to do with him?

01:19:04.000 He's alive.

01:19:05.000 Take him back to his house.

01:19:07.000 What are you doing now?

01:19:11.000 this just makes me realize putting headphones on it's like it's like you Would you do that for one show?

01:19:22.000 Try it with headphones on?

01:19:24.000 Okay.

01:19:24.000 I think it puts you in a cool zone.

01:19:27.000 What's on her belly?

01:19:28.000 Is that Barf?

01:19:29.000 Or is that part of her shirt?

01:19:31.000 Well, she wears sexy chokers. 1.00

01:19:34.000 Sexy.

01:19:35.000 We should start wearing that.

01:19:36.000 We should sell those at the store.

01:19:38.000 Sensor.tv is sexy.

01:19:40.000 Limited edition.

01:19:41.000 Is that barf?

01:19:41.000 Or is that blood?

01:19:42.000 Oh, so she's got to say...

01:19:47.000 Look at that bod.

01:19:49.000 So wait, they brought him to the emergency room?

01:19:52.000 Yeah.

01:19:53.000 Because they thought he was dying, which is what you should do.

01:19:55.000 Okay, that's fair.

01:19:56.000 That's correct.

01:19:57.000 Actually, she's healthy.

01:20:00.000 Police got involved in the first place?

01:20:02.000 No, that was coincidence.

01:20:03.000 They were driving by a state trooper and he had his sirens on.

01:20:06.000 Oh.

01:20:08.000 Now she's running back there to do what? 1.00

01:20:11.000 Clean up the mess?

01:20:12.000 Clean up all the Coke.

01:20:14.000 But then the mom's going to come home with her kids. 1.00

01:20:16.000 Hello?

01:20:17.000 Who are you?

01:20:18.000 I'm a cleaning lady.

01:20:20.000 I'm so sexy.

01:20:21.000 What is on her shirt?

01:20:22.000 It's blood.

01:20:24.000 From what?

01:20:26.000 He wasn't bleeding.

01:20:27.000 The guy didn't cough up blood?

01:20:28.000 Oh, yeah.

01:20:29.000 Asians menstruate from their belly buttons. 1.00

01:20:31.000 I forgot.

01:20:32.000 And she was upside down for a short period of time.

01:20:38.000 Oh, yeah, they wear tampons on her. 1.00

01:20:39.000 I can just tell, looking at Constance Wu, that she's a bitch. 1.00

01:20:43.000 Like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:20:44.000 You know what I mean?

01:20:45.000 You know what would really be a bummer?

01:20:47.000 She's got that spike lee vibe where you're just like, yeah, you're a cunt. 1.00

01:20:50.000 I think it's been so long that, like, white people can get a pass where we don't say that's pathetic when they use a bonics, but I think she's an Asian that used a bonyx, and it really bothers me. 0.71

01:21:01.000 Before I even know that that's true, that bothers me.

01:21:05.000 Look, she's running to pick up her daughter, and she has blood on her belly. 1.00

01:21:12.000 That nice white lady. 1.00

01:21:13.000 Her babysitters are dangerous.

01:21:14.000 I suppose she's a fucking idiot loser, too. 1.00

01:21:16.000 Is it?

01:21:19.000 I don't know.

01:21:25.000 Not in America, but in Britain.

01:21:27.000 Really?

01:21:28.000 MIA did a song about how they're the last minority you can shit on. 0.89

01:21:32.000 Wow.

01:21:33.000 See, I'm all ears for that.

01:21:35.000 Because it's true, and it's pretty effed up.

01:21:37.000 On my little show, when he did the dating game, it was a ginger there, and I was like, it's basically a two-person competition at this point.

01:21:44.000 It's basically two contestants.

01:21:46.000 Women aren't into gingers? 1.00

01:21:50.000 I would be.

01:21:51.000 I hear the women never lose their libido. 1.00

01:21:54.000 You know what's weird?

01:21:54.000 Asian women love gingers.

01:21:58.000 It's a trend.

01:21:58.000 She lose her shirt.

01:21:59.000 I don't remember her ever bleeding.

01:22:03.000 What is going on with her belly? 0.66

01:22:05.000 Maybe she hugged.

01:22:07.000 Maybe she hugged.

01:22:09.000 The nude guy, he never...

01:22:11.000 He was never bleeding.

01:22:12.000 I think she hugged 15 midget Indian women. 0.58

01:22:24.000 That's as good as any theory I got.

01:22:28.000 All right, I'm calling the cops.

01:22:30.000 It's so hard to not do the total hack thing and give her a Chinese accent. 1.00

01:22:36.000 It takes all my willpower.

01:22:38.000 Willpower.

01:22:39.000 It takes all my willpower.

01:22:41.000 No, it takes all my will.

01:22:43.000 No, my were power.

01:22:45.000 It takes all my were power.

01:22:47.000 Colin's brother.

01:22:48.000 Wait, is that lady dead? 1.00

01:22:50.000 You wasted all that money?

01:22:52.000 That's like getting your dog, your 14-year-old dog, a liver transition.

01:22:56.000 Who's dead?

01:22:57.000 The fucking old Asian lady. 1.00

01:23:00.000 Oh, the mom.

01:23:01.000 Look, Constance Wu looks even worse at a funeral. 1.00

01:23:04.000 Yeah.

01:23:04.000 Oh, Yve.

01:23:06.000 Are you the corpse?

01:23:07.000 Me, no, love you long time.

01:23:08.000 Is this you for your funeral?

01:23:10.000 Are you supposed to be lying down?

01:23:15.000 Aren't people supposed to be crying on you right now?

01:23:19.000 We can just call this off.

01:23:20.000 She's alive.

01:23:20.000 Is this a Chinese thing?

01:23:22.000 You sit down when you're dead?

01:23:24.000 We put her in a grave with like nine gravestones. 0.97

01:23:27.000 Oh, that's in the Bronx, I believe.

01:23:30.000 I think that's where my great-grandmother Palmeda is buried.

01:23:33.000 My great-great-grandmother.

01:23:34.000 Oh.

01:23:36.000 We should have got her on the show. 1.00

01:23:39.000 I think she might be.

01:23:40.000 Over your shoulder.

01:23:41.000 One of those.

01:23:42.000 Hi, Constance. 0.95

01:23:43.000 You're a four.

01:23:46.000 She looks like a chess champion. 0.96

01:23:52.000 The inventor of the algorithm, Constance Wee.

01:23:56.000 The head of China's AI department has never actually been home.

01:24:00.000 The writer of over 500 fortune cookies.

01:24:03.000 He's been at his desk since the day he was born.

01:24:08.000 He doesn't have she. 0.99

01:24:09.000 I'm not the make AI, and I don't play chess.

01:24:12.000 What are you talking?

01:24:14.000 You crazy.

01:24:16.000 Yeah, she's.

01:24:18.000 See, she's pretty there. 1.00

01:24:21.000 So, I just want to say for the record, we have not done anything.

01:24:25.000 I did a couple just because I realized we weren't, but like any hand touching the screen, any hand Puppets, or anything.

01:24:32.000 This is purely commentary.

01:24:34.000 And now I think it's time.

01:24:36.000 Alright, now it's time that I go pee.

01:24:38.000 So while I'm gone, be scintillating, amuse the folks at home, and also our job here is to just explain the whole movie, a movie we haven't seen.

01:24:48.000 Okay, gotcha.

01:24:49.000 And I'll try not to piss like fucking Niagara Falls.

01:24:52.000 Jesus.

01:24:53.000 So this is Constance Wu is Trump and everybody else is just somebody else.

01:24:58.000 Now, you're in trouble from the FBI.

01:25:00.000 Frankly, I didn't do anything wrong.

01:25:02.000 I don't know what you're talking about.

01:25:03.000 You did?

01:25:03.000 Being on the side of the bowl.

01:25:06.000 Is that so it's quieter?

01:25:08.000 Why else would it be?

01:25:09.000 To wash off some explosive diarrhea stains?

01:25:14.000 Alright, there's a car.

01:25:16.000 We saw you drive away in a car.

01:25:20.000 Frankly, I didn't drive away in a car.

01:25:21.000 I don't even know what car you're talking about.

01:25:23.000 Frankly, I think you're a liar.

01:25:25.000 Who hired you?

01:25:26.000 I think you're really bad at your job.

01:25:28.000 And I'm actually getting a little sad right now.

01:25:30.000 Hey, you know what someone could do?

01:25:32.000 Look, I just needed money, okay?

01:25:34.000 I had to rape white men. 0.99

01:25:35.000 White men are garbage anyway. 1.00

01:25:36.000 They have way too much money.

01:25:38.000 And she's like, okay.

01:25:40.000 Fair enough.

01:25:43.000 I had to get my Nana a liver transplant right before she died. 1.00

01:25:47.000 Why would you do that?

01:25:47.000 That's a waste of a liver.

01:25:49.000 I didn't know she was going to die.

01:25:51.000 Didn't you ask a doctor?

01:25:53.000 I thought he was lying.

01:25:55.000 I thought he hated her and he said she was going to die soon and it wasn't worth it.

01:26:00.000 So you used strip her money to buy a dying woman a liver. 1.00

01:26:03.000 It's the only money I had.

01:26:04.000 Didn't it occur to you that some little kid wanted a liver?

01:26:07.000 I don't like little kids.

01:26:09.000 Your mouth moved perfectly when you said that.

01:26:12.000 It's amazing.

01:26:13.000 I have one.

01:26:15.000 She's annoying. 1.00

01:26:17.000 Anyway, I don't want to talk about kids.

01:26:18.000 It gets me down.

01:26:19.000 I call her liver waster. 0.98

01:26:24.000 Anyway, do you have a liver?

01:26:26.000 Have you ever offered to donate your liver to anyone?

01:26:28.000 Yes.

01:26:28.000 Oh, I thought you said, do I deliver?

01:26:30.000 Yes.

01:26:30.000 From Kam Fung down the road.

01:26:32.000 Asians don't drink, and our livers are exquisite.

01:26:35.000 It's like a unicorn.

01:26:36.000 So when hers was damaged, I couldn't deal with it.

01:26:39.000 It made me hate the whole race. 1.00

01:26:41.000 What are you talking about?

01:26:42.000 I don't know.

01:26:43.000 I'm just waiting until my friend gets here who's going to kill you. 0.90

01:26:48.000 I'm not going to jail, bitch. 1.00

01:26:50.000 You're going to jail.

01:26:51.000 Is that what's going to happen?

01:26:53.000 Parties are.

01:26:54.000 Interview over.

01:26:55.000 She's like, I thought she was going to lower her up like in the first two minutes. 1.00

01:27:01.000 That makes sense.

01:27:02.000 Interview or a book.

01:27:04.000 Oh, it's like a New York Post reporter.

01:27:06.000 Oh, this character is playing the character of the person who made this movie, perhaps.

01:27:11.000 That's a little too meta.

01:27:14.000 She's writing to New York Post.

01:27:15.000 She's like that stupid bitch who went to that uneducated, sad part of Georgia and proved to a bunch of geriatrics that their Bible that oozes oil isn't magic. 1.00

01:27:28.000 Right.

01:27:29.000 Nice.

01:27:30.000 And yet again, that could have been a really beautiful video piece.

01:27:35.000 But it was a boring article with literally three pictures.

01:27:38.000 So your trip to a very photogenic.

01:27:42.000 They go to somewhere like India where they worship rats in some big temple where they feed rats all day. 0.89

01:27:47.000 And they're like, this is so beautiful.

01:27:49.000 Right.

01:27:50.000 And then they go to the Bible Belt and they're like, this is horror shit. 0.80

01:27:53.000 Do you want to go to India and say what happened here?

01:27:55.000 Shiva with five arms. 0.68

01:27:56.000 This was a quick scene.

01:27:57.000 Yeah, wait, wait, wait.

01:27:58.000 You meet a guy with a mustache and then you, what, burn his house down?

01:28:04.000 Oh, maybe he's a fed?

01:28:07.000 No, no, no, they just showed him with...

01:28:11.000 We're finally confused.

01:28:21.000 What was burning down?

01:28:22.000 His house?

01:28:24.000 Or maybe he's telling them that story.

01:28:29.000 Anyway, I got tons of money when my house burned down.

01:28:32.000 Aren't any of them looking for a man?

01:28:37.000 Oh, he's confessing his little side of the story.

01:28:40.000 So I was there and I was looking around.

01:28:42.000 I said, wait a minute.

01:28:43.000 $20,000 from a bank account.

01:28:46.000 I don't have but $14,000 in my bank.

01:28:49.000 And it's not like these bitches were geniuses. 1.00

01:28:52.000 Clear that they roofied me and they made me sign two copies of the check.

01:28:55.000 I looked at my hands.

01:28:56.000 They was blurry and I thought, Constant Wu and Jennifer Lopez gave me a roofie in order to rob me.

01:29:02.000 By the way, how did they get away with this for so long?

01:29:04.000 Yeah, I don't know.

01:29:05.000 Like, these guys have been partying a lot, right?

01:29:07.000 And they probably have those crazy parties with tons of chicks, and they'd probably get their bill on their craziest night ever, and it's like three grand. 1.00

01:29:16.000 And they went, oh, shit, dude.

01:29:19.000 I got to check myself before I wreck myself.

01:29:21.000 And then that would happen, like, maybe once every two years.

01:29:24.000 They get a $3,000 bill and go, come on, me.

01:29:27.000 And then they get a bill that says $17,900.

01:29:31.000 Right.

01:29:31.000 And they go, well, this is just a mistake.

01:29:33.000 Dude, I might have been roofied last time right now.

01:29:38.000 I did roofy you. 0.99

01:29:39.000 I'm going to rape you live on this. 1.00

01:29:42.000 It's not live.

01:29:43.000 You get to edit it.

01:29:44.000 So that's the weird part.

01:29:46.000 Yeah.

01:29:46.000 Well, I would ask you to try to be professional when you edit the rapes and accept that we're trying to make quality entertainment for the subscribers.

01:29:58.000 Remember who's whose boss.

01:30:00.000 Forget Ryan the editor from Ryan the rape victim.

01:30:04.000 No, no, for real, though.

01:30:06.000 Try to make my butt look good when it goes in and out of you, by the way. 0.67

01:30:09.000 Of course.

01:30:09.000 I will color correct it.

01:30:11.000 I will white balance it to your cheeks.

01:30:13.000 Unlike Sam Morrell's comedy special where he looks like he's underwater in a glass of Jared Holt.

01:30:22.000 Just four drops of milk.

01:30:23.000 That's all I want.

01:30:24.000 That's my Sam Morrell impression.

01:30:26.000 Dude, I really think I was roofing at that trip club.

01:30:28.000 Because I've never blacked out, really.

01:30:30.000 And remember I told you I blacked out?

01:30:32.000 Yeah, I don't know you to blackout.

01:30:34.000 You're not a blackout.

01:30:35.000 I woke up at home in the morning and I didn't know if the car was in the driveway or not.

01:30:41.000 And instead of $12,000 in debt, you were $13,000.

01:30:45.000 Right.

01:30:46.000 $12,040.

01:30:47.000 Realistically, I think there was like $200 unaccounted for.

01:30:51.000 Oh, wait.

01:30:51.000 So he finally, some dude has the brains to rack them out.

01:30:55.000 Yeah.

01:30:56.000 Like I said, he was like, like I said, it really wasn't hard to pinpoint them.

01:30:59.000 They're sloppy crazy.

01:31:00.000 I've had crazy nights with strippers, and I usually have a $900 bill.

01:31:04.000 This was $19,000.

01:31:06.000 They got really greedy.

01:31:07.000 They could have done the same thing they did with me, but just replicated it, but they got super greedy.

01:31:11.000 I would recommend in the future, if you're robbing guys like me, up our usual bill by maybe 20%, not 2,000%.

01:31:18.000 Right.

01:31:19.000 Is that the ging?

01:31:22.000 So you're a snitch.

01:31:23.000 Who think you? 0.91

01:31:23.000 did it like Are we supposed to feel sympathy for a woman who has an apartment like that? 0.91

01:31:34.000 Jennifer Lopez's apartment was like a Jeff Bezos apartment. 1.00

01:31:38.000 I actually went to Peter Thiel's apartment once for breakfast.

01:31:42.000 It looked exactly the same.

01:31:44.000 The guy who created PayPal, he's a billionaire.

01:31:46.000 Wait, wow.

01:31:47.000 Like you get into his elevator through a secret wall.

01:31:50.000 Wow.

01:31:50.000 There's like the normal lobby, and then it's like this way, sir.

01:31:53.000 That's fucking awesome.

01:31:55.000 Then you go up and the elevator opens into his apartment.

01:31:58.000 And it's just like normal?

01:32:00.000 And it's like it's Jennifer Lopez's place.

01:32:03.000 So maybe you wouldn't need so much money if you didn't live in a billionaire's penthouse apartment.

01:32:09.000 Right.

01:32:10.000 You dumb bitch. 1.00

01:32:11.000 A Bezos level babe.

01:32:15.000 Who is that?

01:32:16.000 Oh, that's a Fed now.

01:32:17.000 So we're finally down to the stink.

01:32:19.000 Oh, really?

01:32:20.000 Yeah.

01:32:20.000 Hmm.

01:32:22.000 She's saying do it.

01:32:23.000 And I think one of them...

01:32:26.000 Wait, are they trying to set her up?

01:32:28.000 Like, guys, to be real here, we have to drug them because...

01:32:34.000 Due to...

01:32:43.000 And she said, we don't, don't drug the drink at all.

01:32:45.000 And then the ginger put all the. 0.83

01:32:48.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:32:49.000 I'm not sure if that's a Fed or not, or if this is the has to be a Fed, right?

01:32:53.000 We've already seen them get busted.

01:32:54.000 it seemed like it was set up to be some sort of No, no, because I don't think they'd be driving away because the Fed would have backup because the people are aware that he would pass out.

01:33:06.000 Yeah.

01:33:07.000 And by the way, as a member of society, I don't just want...

01:33:19.000 There's a high risk that you kill them.

01:33:21.000 If you take enough...

01:33:26.000 They suffocate because they get so relaxed their lungs don't remember to breathe.

01:33:30.000 Like that guy in the show a couple days ago.

01:33:32.000 That we killed?

01:33:34.000 No, the guy.

01:33:34.000 Yeah, the guy that never bring a bat to a fist fight, the guy that had the bat.

01:33:39.000 And you can literally hear him chugging blood.

01:33:41.000 The nose blood, they said.

01:33:42.000 He's just snoring.

01:33:43.000 Oh, man.

01:33:46.000 Okay, this is actually good stuff we're missing.

01:33:48.000 For the first time this whole movie...

01:33:51.000 Wait, is that the guy that just...

01:33:54.000 Oh, yeah.

01:33:55.000 No, I don't think it is.

01:33:56.000 It's not the guy that just...

01:33:58.000 I don't think that's leg taps.

01:34:00.000 That's like taps.

01:34:01.000 Oh, is he an informant?

01:34:02.000 When finance guys wear the...

01:34:04.000 No, he was...

01:34:07.000 This guy called the cops on them.

01:34:09.000 That guy called the cops on them.

01:34:13.000 This guy maybe is about to call the cops on them.

01:34:17.000 Hmm.

01:34:18.000 Which, this is a weird part of the story.

01:34:20.000 How did this last so long?

01:34:23.000 Yeah.

01:34:24.000 Maybe they used less roofy.

01:34:26.000 I wonder how many victims total.

01:34:28.000 Now we're up to 2013?

01:34:32.000 Just bust her, please. 1.00

01:34:33.000 Because I was roofied.

01:34:34.000 I'm just realizing today.

01:34:36.000 Literally have zero memory.

01:34:37.000 I went there with a couple of cop, local cop buddies, and they left.

01:34:42.000 It's an upstate unit.

01:34:43.000 And I stayed, yeah.

01:34:45.000 And I don't remember getting home.

01:34:48.000 There's no way I would have taken $200 out of my ATM, but I did.

01:34:52.000 It was gone.

01:34:53.000 I don't remember anything.

01:34:55.000 I don't remember anything.

01:34:56.000 Remember I told you about that?

01:34:57.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:34:58.000 I actually don't remember.

01:34:59.000 I don't remember.

01:35:00.000 I don't remember.

01:35:01.000 You do remember me saying I don't remember?

01:35:03.000 Well, the way you portrayed it to me when you told me the story was like a kooky fun.

01:35:06.000 Ha ha.

01:35:07.000 Yeah, me too.

01:35:08.000 Yeah, because I was like, I don't, dude, I don't know how I got home.

01:35:11.000 But.

01:35:12.000 Oh, good.

01:35:13.000 This is making me kind of rich.

01:35:14.000 Oh, there she is.

01:35:15.000 Shake down.

01:35:16.000 Cake down.

01:35:17.000 You busted.

01:35:19.000 Didn't.

01:35:19.000 Are we supposed to feel bad right now?

01:35:21.000 The cake down.

01:35:22.000 What's the proper feelings right now we're supposed to have?

01:35:25.000 If you're Puerto Rican, you feel kind of shitty. 1.00

01:35:27.000 Oh, by the way, this is your $5.

01:35:30.000 And the Puerto Rican remembers that you robbed me. 0.86

01:35:32.000 Is that from lunch?

01:35:34.000 This movie made me feel bad.

01:35:35.000 Yeah.

01:35:37.000 I did feel kind of tired at lunch.

01:35:39.000 It's because you were short $5 and you're Scottish. 1.00

01:35:42.000 Shakedown.

01:35:43.000 You're Scott since Linda.

01:35:44.000 Snake.

01:35:45.000 Oh, let's bust her. 1.00

01:35:47.000 Hi, that was fun.

01:35:48.000 I'm glad I'm not in jail.

01:35:49.000 Anyway, bye-bye.

01:35:54.000 If they were arresting Lizzo, it would be like the team for Godzilla.

01:35:57.000 For King Connor.

01:35:58.000 You can call it SeaWorld.

01:36:03.000 Oh, hi.

01:36:04.000 I love SeaWorld.

01:36:05.000 Yeah, you're under arrest, ma'am.

01:36:07.000 Get in the tank.

01:36:11.000 Get in the tank.

01:36:12.000 Start entertaining.

01:36:14.000 What did her text say?

01:36:16.000 Run?

01:36:18.000 Oh, my God.

01:36:21.000 Yeah, that's going to work.

01:36:22.000 Yeah, jump out the window. 1.00

01:36:24.000 And to be fair, I know a lot of people, let's say there's a hardcore feminist out there, male or female, saying, well, they, what do they call it? 1.00

01:36:33.000 When you make something look better, they grandulize or they glorify.

01:36:44.000 Glorify.

01:36:46.000 Mob.

01:36:47.000 But no, they all get theirs in the end.

01:36:49.000 And there's no mistake.

01:36:51.000 You and Anthony Kumi will say it.

01:36:53.000 When you watch Sopranos, you're like, no, clearly this guy's a piece of shit.

01:36:58.000 That's a trick, though, because what they do with Sopranos is they did the escape of Danimore.

01:37:03.000 They make you like them by not showing their crimes.

01:37:05.000 And at the end, you see their crimes and you go, you're a fucking murderer.

01:37:10.000 How dare I like you?

01:37:11.000 I was duped.

01:37:12.000 And with the Sopranos, they do the same thing. 0.98

01:37:14.000 They show him as a family man, and then you see him strangle people and betray his friends and all that.

01:37:18.000 But then when you watch it again from the beginning, you know that he will leave Polly Walnuts out to freeze to death in the Jersey Forest, and now you don't like him anymore.

01:37:27.000 And so when he pays attention to these ducks And he has this nice moment with them, but he treats his wife and his kids like shit.

01:37:34.000 Right.

01:37:35.000 Yeah.

01:37:37.000 So, how did Constance Wu not do jail time and end up with some fancy husband? 1.00

01:37:45.000 Um.

01:37:46.000 God, I hate your hair.

01:37:48.000 And I'm a bang guy.

01:37:49.000 My hair rules.

01:37:50.000 Not your hair, Constance.

01:37:52.000 I'm Bang McGee.

01:37:55.000 So.

01:37:57.000 They call me Bang Bang.

01:38:00.000 Because that's what I wear and that's what I do.

01:38:02.000 I wear bangs and I like to shoot people.

01:38:09.000 She looks like an anime guy.

01:38:11.000 What's she saying?

01:38:11.000 I quit.

01:38:12.000 And Jennifer Lopez is like, you crazy? 1.00

01:38:14.000 Why are you quit?

01:38:15.000 I just got it caught by the police.

01:38:17.000 What's your problem, you fucking bitch? 1.00

01:38:18.000 Wait, this has got to be only like...

01:38:24.000 Oh.

01:38:25.000 This is only three quarters of the way in because the conflict between the two main characters only really happens like there's about 20 minutes left.

01:38:33.000 Oh, Lord.

01:38:34.000 I don't think I have 20 minutes.

01:38:37.000 Yeah, right.

01:38:37.000 Well.

01:38:38.000 Do we have 20 minutes on the card?

01:38:40.000 If this was Godfather, I could watch it three times.

01:38:42.000 How long is the card?

01:38:44.000 I'm praying, by the way, that it doesn't have enough.

01:38:47.000 Does it just shut off?

01:38:50.000 Uh-oh.

01:38:51.000 Oh, we only have 194 minutes that we could possibly record.

01:38:56.000 Oh, look, she looks good for a second. 0.84

01:38:59.000 Where was that?

01:39:00.000 That was the back of her head.

01:39:02.000 Wait, she's hugging her.

01:39:03.000 Well, that happened quickly.

01:39:04.000 Okay, so she didn't say I ratted you out.

01:39:06.000 She said, I'm quitting the business forever.

01:39:09.000 Which, don't you expect that when you get busted?

01:39:13.000 I think the conversation could have been like, wait, why aren't you quitting?

01:39:16.000 I'm the one who's mad.

01:39:17.000 Yeah.

01:39:18.000 We hugged you after you realized you're retarded. 1.00

01:39:22.000 And they have never made out or dyked out at all? 0.97

01:39:25.000 Like, they're just those close to friends?

01:39:26.000 I guess.

01:39:27.000 That would have been a lot of fun.

01:39:28.000 I've never seen females that close to friends before. 0.55

01:39:30.000 Jesus Lord.

01:39:31.000 When this movie's shot in real time.

01:39:35.000 I'm pretty sure.

01:39:36.000 I think we started this in 2013.

01:39:38.000 Right.

01:39:41.000 Hi, I hate balloons.

01:39:42.000 There's tons of balloons here.

01:39:43.000 I want them all gone like now.

01:39:45.000 They're stupid.

01:39:47.000 They get caught on the ceiling.

01:39:48.000 They ruin ceiling fans.

01:39:50.000 I'm actually in a room that's without balloons.

01:39:52.000 Hi, I don't deal with balloons.

01:39:54.000 I'm an ex-stripper.

01:39:55.000 I can hear you.

01:39:56.000 I'm a great white man, but I can hear you great.

01:39:59.000 So what's the problem now?

01:40:02.000 The helium in them.

01:40:04.000 You can die from it.

01:40:05.000 I mean, people commit suicide using helium.

01:40:07.000 I don't know anything about that.

01:40:09.000 I don't know why you're calling me.

01:40:10.000 Are you the girl writing the book?

01:40:12.000 I told you to fuck off and I stopped your recorder.

01:40:15.000 I was the girl.

01:40:15.000 I understand.

01:40:16.000 I know.

01:40:17.000 I just want to know now that we're friends if you know anything about balloons.

01:40:20.000 I don't do balloons.

01:40:22.000 I don't care about balloons.

01:40:24.000 I don't like you.

01:40:25.000 I'm not interested in your book.

01:40:27.000 So let's just hang up and end this now.

01:40:30.000 You lost me at balloons.

01:40:32.000 Understand?

01:40:33.000 I'm saying goodbye.

01:40:34.000 I'm going to hang up.

01:40:35.000 All right?

01:40:36.000 So you hang up after I hang up.

01:40:37.000 Do you have one thing to say before we hang up?

01:40:40.000 I'm not bluffing.

01:40:41.000 I'm really going to.

01:40:42.000 I hope you hung up on her.

01:40:45.000 I hope that bitch that wrote the book. 1.00

01:40:47.000 Where is she now? 0.93

01:40:49.000 at her office oh she's talking to the What? 0.60

01:40:56.000 I said this movie's written by a woman. 0.92

01:40:59.000 You can tell, right?

01:41:00.000 Because of all the shopping and everything.

01:41:02.000 And the time jumps?

01:41:03.000 Yeah, and the other one.

01:41:04.000 Oh, wait, before I even get to that, back in 2015, this movie was.

01:41:07.000 Of course she has to stick herself in it.

01:41:10.000 Of course, she's writing it like and then there's an intrepid reporter who appears.

01:41:16.000 She's gorgeous, understated, funny, interesting.

01:41:20.000 Basically me.

01:41:21.000 And part of the story.

01:41:23.000 A huge elemental part of the story that JLo's friends with and Caroline Wu consoles about her balloon phobia.

01:41:32.000 Right.

01:41:32.000 Ah, she's wonderful.

01:41:34.000 And she was pregnant because that's in a detail.

01:41:36.000 Why would she be pregnant in that little conversation right there? 0.99

01:41:39.000 Just to be like, and by the way, while all this was happening, I was pregnant.

01:41:44.000 Whatever that chick's name is, I kind of recognize her. 1.00

01:41:46.000 Let's say her name is... 0.84

01:41:50.000 Jennifer Tall.

01:41:51.000 Something like that.

01:41:52.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:41:53.000 So when they were making the movie, the producers, one of the executive producers called her, the writer, and she goes, I have the perfect person for you.

01:42:01.000 Jennifer Tall.

01:42:02.000 Jennifer Tall plays you. 1.00

01:42:04.000 And she's like, oh my God.

01:42:07.000 I didn't see it at first.

01:42:10.000 But now that you say that, Jen would be fucking ideal. 1.00

01:42:15.000 I think I should sit with her.

01:42:17.000 I should meet her.

01:42:18.000 And then they met.

01:42:19.000 Ooh, my God.

01:42:20.000 That's my new expression.

01:42:22.000 Ooh, my God.

01:42:23.000 Oh, my God, and ooh, at the same time.

01:42:25.000 Ooh, really?

01:42:26.000 Naturally.

01:42:27.000 Of course.

01:42:28.000 Ooh, my God.

01:42:28.000 Imagine their little brunch they had.

01:42:31.000 The writer and Jennifer Tall.

01:42:33.000 When they sat there and she has her purse and she's like, sorry, I'm late.

01:42:36.000 Oh, my God.

01:42:37.000 I cannot believe I am meeting you.

01:42:38.000 When I found when the executive producer, no, his name's like Barry.

01:42:42.000 She calls him Bear.

01:42:43.000 When Bear called me, I went, perfect.

01:42:46.000 And now I'm meeting.

01:42:47.000 This is too weird.

01:42:47.000 Oh, my God.

01:42:48.000 This is so weird.

01:42:49.000 Do you want to have mimosa?

01:42:50.000 And then they get past it, and then like, they're just eating, and then she just stares at her for a little bit, and she's like, I just can't get over it.

01:42:57.000 She just can't get over it.

01:42:58.000 It's perfect.

01:42:59.000 Yeah.

01:43:00.000 They have that moment.

01:43:00.000 And then the brunch went so good.

01:43:02.000 And then towards the end, Jennifer was just eating the last of her eggs.

01:43:06.000 And she goes, do you ever want to just kill a man?

01:43:11.000 Just slit his throat.

01:43:13.000 See the blood pour down his shirt.

01:43:16.000 And the other one's such an ass-looking sycophant that she's like, sure, yeah, totally. 1.00

01:43:20.000 Yeah, I do stuff like that.

01:43:21.000 Anyway, I'll get the check.

01:43:24.000 I just write it off anyway.

01:43:26.000 And then she just deleted that weird moment from her brain and remembered the rest of the brunch as being a fucking blast.

01:43:33.000 Destiny pled guilty to grand larceny attempted assault in exchange for zero jail time.

01:43:38.000 Wow.

01:43:39.000 Proud boys get four years.

01:43:41.000 Wow.

01:43:41.000 Ramona was sentenced to five years probation.

01:43:45.000 What?

01:43:45.000 Probation.

01:43:47.000 Middle finger.

01:43:48.000 Because, you know.

01:43:49.000 Mercedes and Annabelle served weekends in jail for four months and received five years fucking probation.

01:43:58.000 What the fuck?

01:44:00.000 I'm weak.

01:44:01.000 That is such horse.

01:44:04.000 I am weak.

01:44:05.000 Holy crap.

01:44:08.000 Wow.

01:44:09.000 The message is clear here.

01:44:11.000 If your victims are rich white men, you can almost get away with murder. 0.69

01:44:17.000 Wow.

01:44:18.000 Fuck you, J-Lo.

01:44:23.000 That's crazy.

01:44:25.000 That is fucked up.

01:44:28.000 Weekends at Rikers.

01:44:31.000 Wow.

01:44:33.000 What an insult.

01:44:35.000 I've never, I did not see.

01:44:38.000 That's the only twist in the entire movie.

01:44:40.000 Okay, yeah.

01:44:41.000 We're not going to jail.

01:44:43.000 We don't have to pay the piper.

01:44:45.000 We do whatever we want.

01:44:47.000 We like to rape and rob men. 0.76

01:44:50.000 We don't have to punish.

01:44:52.000 We don't worry about justice.

01:44:55.000 There's no such thing when it comes to us.

01:44:57.000 We get to do whatever we want, girl.

01:44:59.000 Yay, hustlers.

01:45:02.000 Yeah.

01:45:03.000 I knew it.

01:45:05.000 I knew it was a check.

01:45:07.000 Is Jessica a man's name?

01:45:09.000 Last I checked.

01:45:11.000 Wow, wow.

01:45:12.000 That was awesome.

01:45:14.000 All right, folks.

01:45:15.000 Thanks for tuning in to our new terrible idea.

01:45:19.000 Ryan and Gavin watch movies with the volume off.

01:45:25.000 No, no, no, no.

01:45:29.000 Oh, are you recording?

01:45:31.000 I just died anyway.

01:45:33.000 We watched some of the movie after with sound and we discovered some major points.

01:45:38.000 One, this is her story.

01:45:41.000 Feminists have totally rewritten this movie. 1.00

01:45:44.000 Rewritten this story.

01:45:45.000 Here's the truth.

01:45:46.000 There are a bunch of coke head sluts that robbed rich guys just because they were cunts and wanted revenge. 1.00

01:45:51.000 That's it.

01:45:52.000 That's the long and short of it.

01:45:54.000 But this feminist author has turned it into they were actually stealing from the fireman's retirement fund and spending that money on blowdrops. 1.00

01:46:04.000 That's what the collapse was.

01:46:06.000 And you see the same bullshit in Adam McKay's The Short, where he starts the movie after finance guys saw money on the ground and picked it up.

01:46:16.000 The money on the ground was put there by the government.

01:46:19.000 The government was bundling mortgages.

01:46:21.000 They made it inevitable.

01:46:23.000 So it was government intervention giving any Tom, Dick, and Harry a mortgage that caused the collapse.

01:46:28.000 The after-effect, the mortgages sitting on the ground there, that was just finance guys picking up the refuse of the government's fuck-ups.

01:46:37.000 So that's what finance guys did wrong, in quotation marks, in 2008.

01:46:42.000 They're not the villains that these liberals make them out to be.

01:46:45.000 But this is weird because it also has an era of feminist claptrap and anti-white male stuff. 0.97

01:46:52.000 You know, as I said earlier, if this was black males, I think this was the biggest revelation of the movie. 0.50

01:46:57.000 If this was rich black males getting robbed, getting blackmailed, then that never would have been a movie.

01:47:05.000 But this is just such a great target.

01:47:07.000 So here we have the dumb slut fake tit bitch that Jennifer Lopez is playing, pretending that this was some sort of Robin Hood move. 1.00

01:47:16.000 I didn't drink more than...

01:47:23.000 Hold on, hold on.

01:47:24.000 Oh, Phoebe. 0.69

01:47:28.000 We gotta start thinking like these Wall Street guys.

01:47:32.000 These Wall Street guys?

01:47:36.000 I wish the author of this movie had spoken to one Wall Street guy.

01:47:41.000 Wall Street guys to the left are just so foreign, and I can't believe I'm defending them. 1.00

01:47:44.000 all hate my guts but math is math I'm not working people lost everything and I'm one of these douchebags went to jail Not one.

01:47:55.000 Is that fair?

01:47:58.000 So I was forced to drug them and rob them.

01:48:00.000 Why are you still paying for their blowjobs? 1.00

01:48:03.000 The fucking firefighter's retirement fund.

01:48:06.000 Fuck these guys.

01:48:08.000 Where do you think they're getting the money for their blowjob? 1.00

01:48:11.000 The fucking fireman's retirement fund.

01:48:14.000 What?

01:48:16.000 And then at the end, we were also right about the author writing herself into the movie, and she's just this stoic, wise truthsayer. 0.67

01:48:26.000 And here she is in the update.

01:48:28.000 We couldn't hear this, obviously, saying to Constance Wu that they did nothing wrong.

01:48:32.000 Women have done nothing wrong. 1.00

01:48:35.000 Believe all women.

01:48:37.000 Destiny.

01:48:40.000 I know I'm supposed to think that what you did was terrible and that these guys didn't deserve it.

01:48:46.000 But to tell you the truth, I don't feel sorry for them.

01:48:50.000 They deserve it.

01:48:52.000 Hey, young white males or middle-class white male family men, if you make money when other people don't, you deserve to be drugged and robbed.

01:49:00.000 And the women who do it are superheroes. 1.00

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - March 23, 2020

S02E140 - FROM THE BUNKER： HUSTLERS [2020-03-23 - S02E140 - FROM THE BUNKER： HUSTLERS]

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Summary

Transcript