Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - December 27, 2021


S02E67 - SELF-HARM


Episode Stats

Length

1 hour and 3 minutes

Words per Minute

145.35323

Word Count

9,259

Sentence Count

985

Misogynist Sentences

65

Hate Speech Sentences

73


Summary

In this week's episode, we talk about a bunch of random stuff, including: a kid who thinks he's a rock star, a guy who's not, and a man who's in a coma because he can't remember his name.


Transcript

00:00:54.000 Oh, oh, oh, ribs still broken.
00:00:58.000 I'm not healthy.
00:01:00.000 So that's, we'll get to that in a second.
00:01:02.000 That's Tahir Shah.
00:01:04.000 He's a Pakistani pop star and a talentless shitbag that sort of sums up my views on Western and Eastern culture.
00:01:13.000 When I say the West is the best and non-Western culture sucks, I don't mean like it's not my cup of tea.
00:01:19.000 I mean it fucking blows.
00:01:21.000 Could that video have been shittier, please?
00:01:24.000 Could that musician be less talented?
00:01:26.000 Could he be more of a loser?
00:01:28.000 Look at his face.
00:01:29.000 I mean, just kick him in the face.
00:01:32.000 Throw him off a cliff.
00:01:35.000 Shoot him.
00:01:36.000 It's legal to shoot him.
00:01:42.000 Why does he exist?
00:01:43.000 I guess he's a rich guy's son?
00:01:46.000 That can't be a hard Scrabble pop star who made his way.
00:01:50.000 What is he crying there?
00:01:53.000 What's on his face?
00:01:54.000 Is that just a bunch of weird growths?
00:02:00.000 Jim, the other day, this Puerto Rican kid comes up.
00:02:02.000 He's got blood all over his forehead and hands.
00:02:06.000 I guess he was touching it.
00:02:08.000 And we go, what are you doing?
00:02:09.000 He goes, oh, he's lifting weights back there.
00:02:12.000 Huh?
00:02:14.000 I popped a wart.
00:02:15.000 Did I talk about this already on the marathon?
00:02:18.000 What?
00:02:20.000 Dude, warts don't pop.
00:02:21.000 It's like dead shit in there.
00:02:23.000 Dead skin.
00:02:24.000 It's not this turgid balloon waiting to pop.
00:02:27.000 You lowered the weight too hard on your head.
00:02:29.000 You cut your head open.
00:02:31.000 My wart popped.
00:02:33.000 I mean, the thing that kids say the darkest things, don't they?
00:02:39.000 Anyway, this is going to be a fun week, short week.
00:02:43.000 We are just doing we short episodes because it's Christmas time.
00:02:50.000 That's why I'm dressed so cute and Vermontian.
00:02:55.000 I think I have Omnicron.
00:02:58.000 I was under about 15 blankets last night.
00:03:01.000 I couldn't get warm until about 3 in the morning, and then I was boiling hot.
00:03:06.000 And dude, the nightmares I was having were disturbing.
00:03:11.000 We're on some island that was sort of like Malta.
00:03:14.000 It was some sacred island.
00:03:15.000 Remember when Italy was the only place that could make glass?
00:03:20.000 This is all in Michelle Malkin's amazing book, Who Built That?
00:03:25.000 And because it was such an incredible talent, the king, emperor, kept them all on the island of Malta, all the glass guys.
00:03:37.000 And he treated them like kings.
00:03:39.000 They did very well.
00:03:40.000 But people would show up and try to kidnap them so they could have glass, transparent glass.
00:03:47.000 And, you know, it was his most valuable asset was these glass makers.
00:03:51.000 And that's the kind of vibe it was.
00:03:54.000 And this dude was on there, and he was a shapeshifting guy that looked like Ian Astorbury from the cult.
00:04:01.000 And he was there to do some sort of a thing that was going to destroy the entire world and kill everyone in the world.
00:04:08.000 So my first instinct is, obviously, I got to get my wife and kids off of this island.
00:04:12.000 We've got to get the fuck out of here.
00:04:13.000 I don't want to be.
00:04:15.000 But then I think, well, wait, the whole world's going to go.
00:04:19.000 Luckily, there was a guy on the island who knew everything that was going down.
00:04:24.000 And I remember saying to him, I have this sort of strange tool.
00:04:29.000 I can't even remember where I got it in my toolbox.
00:04:31.000 And it's just like, it's a wood handle, and it's a long, pointy pick.
00:04:35.000 That's it.
00:04:36.000 Just like a pokey, pointy thing.
00:04:39.000 I don't even know what it's for.
00:04:42.000 And I remember saying to him, should I just take that pick and go up his chin and into his brain and try to kill him?
00:04:49.000 And eventually I decided, I think I have to stay here.
00:04:51.000 I'll ship my family out, and then I have to stay here and try to fight a guy who's obviously powerful enough to shapeshift and kill everyone in the world.
00:05:00.000 Dude, stress.
00:05:02.000 It's very uncomfortable.
00:05:04.000 Having a vivid imagination is fun sometimes.
00:05:07.000 Sometimes it's fucking scary, yo.
00:05:12.000 So yeah, I have some kind of disease.
00:05:18.000 I don't know.
00:05:18.000 And then, of course, there's the broken rib from the asshole.
00:05:20.000 Have I told you that story yet?
00:05:22.000 No, I haven't.
00:05:23.000 So we go to my coach's 50th birthday, and it's a roast.
00:05:28.000 There's barely anyone there.
00:05:30.000 And I had some great roasts.
00:05:32.000 Like, the bad news is there's only five people here.
00:05:34.000 The good news is all of Ryan's friends are here.
00:05:39.000 And then I had some good bits.
00:05:43.000 Like this one dude, Danny, he's missing a tooth.
00:05:46.000 He got it knocked out in a fight.
00:05:47.000 He's black and he's drunk.
00:05:50.000 And so he kept trying to walk and it was like a midget kept kicking his legs out from underneath him.
00:05:55.000 So every time he would come over here, I'd go, security, security.
00:05:59.000 There's a homeless man here.
00:06:00.000 There's a homeless man accosting us.
00:06:02.000 No, sir, we don't have any money.
00:06:04.000 Because he looked like shit.
00:06:06.000 And then my third great bit was at the end of the night, there was just me and four other beasts, like heavyweight guys.
00:06:14.000 Timmy, Gary, Terrence.
00:06:18.000 Timmy, Gary, Terrence, me, and Tommy.
00:06:22.000 All heavyweights.
00:06:23.000 All could fight like Tyson.
00:06:26.000 Big guys with pro records.
00:06:27.000 They've been doing it since they were little kids.
00:06:29.000 And Those guys are usually very gentle giants because, you know, they can kill you.
00:06:34.000 That's the ones you got to watch out for, by the way.
00:06:36.000 The nice guys.
00:06:37.000 So Timmy's holding court because he's drunk.
00:06:40.000 And he's talking about, I don't fucking know.
00:06:42.000 And I kept interrupting him and going, Isn't it nice, guys, to be around the same exact level of skill as you?
00:06:50.000 Like, the five of us don't have to talk down to anyone.
00:06:53.000 We can relax and know that we're with our peers.
00:06:56.000 I think we should have a little group.
00:06:58.000 The five Banditos.
00:07:00.000 And four of them, three of the five liked it.
00:07:05.000 And then Timmy just kept going, shut up, you fucking suck.
00:07:08.000 He's the one who broke my ribs later.
00:07:10.000 I'm starting to realize that it wasn't an accident.
00:07:15.000 So then my funny bit became deciding that some people might be out of the banditos.
00:07:22.000 Like, I think you're out, dude.
00:07:24.000 Especially if someone said, I got to go.
00:07:25.000 I'd be like, all right, you leave this bar.
00:07:27.000 You leave the banditos.
00:07:29.000 You're done.
00:07:30.000 And then all the banditos were gone.
00:07:32.000 It's just me and Timmy, the guy that kept telling me to shut the fuck up.
00:07:35.000 And he's doing that thing that boxers do when they're drunk where they talk about boxing.
00:07:40.000 And it's always the same conversation.
00:07:42.000 So it's like, all right, so get in your stance.
00:07:44.000 Okay, sit, sit, sit down, sit.
00:07:47.000 Meaning like lower yourself.
00:07:49.000 And then I come at you like this, right?
00:07:52.000 Now, where are you?
00:07:52.000 And then they hold your arms.
00:07:54.000 They're always like, okay, so what do you do now?
00:07:56.000 I'm here.
00:07:57.000 Where does your arm go?
00:07:59.000 I guess a body shot.
00:08:01.000 Right.
00:08:01.000 You come down there, but then what do I do?
00:08:03.000 I counter it.
00:08:04.000 So pivot off the shoulder, counter it.
00:08:07.000 You're like, okay, I don't want to talk about this.
00:08:09.000 It's like talking about work.
00:08:11.000 Shane Smith used to always do that advice.
00:08:13.000 He'd get drunk.
00:08:14.000 He'd put his lips up right to my very ear hole and be like, we are going to be so fucking rich.
00:08:20.000 And I was like, I don't want to talk about work.
00:08:23.000 We're at a bar.
00:08:24.000 Let's talk about boobies.
00:08:26.000 So during all of this, they're getting harder, all of these demonstrations.
00:08:32.000 And one of them cracked my fucking rib.
00:08:35.000 That might be why I feel so weird.
00:08:37.000 It's because I'm taking like six Adderalls, I mean, Advils a day.
00:08:49.000 So I've got a lot of little funny random scraps.
00:08:52.000 This is what we do after Christmas, right?
00:08:54.000 We have leftovers.
00:08:56.000 So I've got a bunch of leftovers we could pick at.
00:08:58.000 Maybe we can make a sandwich out of them.
00:08:59.000 This will be the sandwich episode.
00:09:02.000 I'll call it leftovers.
00:09:05.000 If you look at 20, by erasure is never okay.
00:09:11.000 I was looking at Elliot Page.
00:09:14.000 I can't remember how I got there, but her talking about Juicy Smoolet, which is ancient news now.
00:09:18.000 But she's just such a damaged moron.
00:09:21.000 And then she was humiliated by that.
00:09:24.000 So she decided to eradicate herself.
00:09:27.000 Elliot Page is gone.
00:09:29.000 Or what was her name before that?
00:09:31.000 Ellen.
00:09:32.000 Ellen.
00:09:33.000 Ellen's gone.
00:09:34.000 So you say something embarrassing, you make a fool of yourself, cut your tits off.
00:09:38.000 And then people go, oh, you're that stupid bitch that said that Juicy wasn't a hoax.
00:09:43.000 And you go, no.
00:09:45.000 I'm Elliot.
00:09:48.000 Ellen's gone.
00:09:49.000 I agree.
00:09:49.000 She's a dumb bitch.
00:09:51.000 She doesn't exist.
00:09:53.000 And then, of course, lots of other people are doing it now, cutting their tits off.
00:10:00.000 But here's some patronizing megalomaniac teenager.
00:10:04.000 You know what's possible, by the way?
00:10:05.000 Maybe teens have always been this annoying.
00:10:09.000 We just didn't realize it because we couldn't hear from them.
00:10:13.000 I mean, I'm 51.
00:10:14.000 When would I ever hear a teenager talking?
00:10:16.000 I guess my daughter's friends, but they're kind of cool and they don't talk very much to me.
00:10:27.000 I'm a straight passing girl, and I'm here to say high ratio is never okay.
00:10:33.000 Oh, uh, and by the way, if they're in a same-sex relationship, they're still not gay.
00:10:41.000 I'm a straight passenger.
00:10:42.000 I'm starting to understand all this shit.
00:10:43.000 If they're in a same-sex relationship, they're still not gay.
00:10:46.000 Yes.
00:10:46.000 Because one of the men with a penis might identify as a woman.
00:10:52.000 Sound good?
00:10:53.000 There was just an article in New York, New York Mag, about a lesbian who got herself a penis.
00:11:00.000 And she's posing in the picture.
00:11:02.000 She's got her, they always have such a weird beard, such a strange adolescent beard.
00:11:07.000 She's got a weird beard.
00:11:09.000 Her tits have been removed, of course, as is their wont.
00:11:13.000 And you see a large cock in a pair of underpants.
00:11:19.000 And next to the bulge, you see his bare leg, her bare leg.
00:11:24.000 And you see what looks like a World War II shrapnel wound.
00:11:30.000 This person was on the beaches of Normandy, but the Nazis, they were fighting was their femininity.
00:11:38.000 I think I have it on my phone somewhere if you can't dig it up.
00:11:43.000 But man, these people are getting disturbing.
00:11:48.000 We're no longer doing leftovers now.
00:11:50.000 This is modern shit.
00:11:54.000 Your password is required to enable Touch ID.
00:11:56.000 Sometimes I try to bluff it and say, oh, is it though?
00:12:00.000 Is it really?
00:12:01.000 But it doesn't work.
00:12:03.000 You can't outsmart a computer.
00:12:05.000 No luck, Ryan?
00:12:08.000 No.
00:12:10.000 You can text it to me.
00:12:11.000 You can't find a New York magazine article about a guy, a woman, who just recently got herself a penis.
00:12:26.000 What an intellectual.
00:12:29.000 Have you seen the picture?
00:12:30.000 It's a naked guy on the cover.
00:12:33.000 Yeah, I'm sending it to you now.
00:12:36.000 There's a lot of articles about trans stuff.
00:12:40.000 In New York, Maggie?
00:12:41.000 Yeah.
00:12:43.000 Oh, so that's a different one I just sent you.
00:12:45.000 Covering scars.
00:12:46.000 Yeah, that's a different one.
00:12:49.000 That's also disturbing.
00:12:53.000 I just sent you one of this woman who cut her tits off.
00:12:56.000 She's not a woman.
00:12:57.000 She's a child, 13.
00:12:59.000 And speaking Of being out of touch with teenagers, I'm going to assume a lot of you are.
00:13:06.000 I'm going to assume I'm the only one who talks to them because I have them and not everyone does.
00:13:12.000 They're kids.
00:13:15.000 13-year-olds are little kids.
00:13:16.000 13-year-olds, like 13-year-old boys, they do that thing where they act real tough and then you call them on it and they collapse and start crying and they miss their mama.
00:13:26.000 Or they see a horror movie and they poop their pants.
00:13:28.000 So it's a funny stage because they front like they badass.
00:13:35.000 But when confronted with anything, they go back into Little Kid Town.
00:13:41.000 So they're a little kid and a grown-up at the same time.
00:13:45.000 Now, that's pretty disturbing.
00:13:48.000 Oh, I think I might have it.
00:13:49.000 Fuck.
00:13:50.000 No, I don't.
00:13:53.000 Fucked MIPD.
00:13:56.000 Facial, fecal stains.
00:13:58.000 Oh, that's ancient news.
00:13:59.000 I think I may have skipped it.
00:14:01.000 It's a woman saying, I wasn't complete until I got my penis.
00:14:06.000 Here.
00:14:07.000 Yeah, yeah.
00:14:08.000 New York remote.
00:14:09.000 Oh, got it.
00:14:09.000 Yeah.
00:14:11.000 Gabriel Mac on the story of his penis.
00:14:15.000 Look how happy he is.
00:14:16.000 That's a dude.
00:14:18.000 Look at his leg.
00:14:21.000 I didn't need a penis to be a man, but I needed one to be myself.
00:14:27.000 It's not a penis.
00:14:28.000 It's part of your thigh that's rolled up into a burrito that's not functional.
00:14:36.000 Sometimes they have a pump that makes it do a thing.
00:14:40.000 Look at his poor leg.
00:14:43.000 Like, doesn't that look like the leg of someone who doesn't like to talk about the war?
00:14:46.000 It also doesn't look like a dick.
00:14:49.000 No.
00:14:50.000 You could tell.
00:14:51.000 Even in that, it's way too.
00:14:52.000 It's a big undies.
00:14:54.000 Like, you have the biggest dick in the world.
00:14:56.000 That's way too much meat.
00:14:57.000 And they don't do balls, right?
00:14:59.000 Yeah, there's no balls involved.
00:15:01.000 Oh, shit.
00:15:02.000 Good question.
00:15:03.000 Good point.
00:15:03.000 So, how is that a penis?
00:15:06.000 You know what, this, just like I said, that women are trivialized by this whole concept of all you have to do is identify as a woman and you're a woman.
00:15:15.000 That trivializes women.
00:15:17.000 I'm mad about you trivializing a penis.
00:15:20.000 A penis is involved.
00:15:23.000 But anyway, sorry, go back to that previous thing you had with the 13-year-old child.
00:15:30.000 I mean, her nipples are gone.
00:15:32.000 Can't they keep the nipple?
00:15:35.000 Like, cut along, then cut around, and then cut along.
00:15:39.000 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:15:42.000 So she's so happy.
00:15:43.000 By the way, why doesn't she have long hair?
00:15:46.000 You know what I mean?
00:15:47.000 This is looking more and more like a tomboy.
00:15:49.000 Shouldn't she have this hairdo?
00:15:51.000 Look at that shit.
00:15:53.000 I feel violent towards the doctor and the mother.
00:15:59.000 She also doesn't look like the same ethnicity.
00:16:03.000 Right.
00:16:04.000 Which implies she may have been adopted?
00:16:07.000 That's not what people expect when they give up their child for adoption.
00:16:11.000 They go, I don't have any money.
00:16:12.000 My husband's abusive.
00:16:14.000 We live in war-torn fucking Mozambique.
00:16:18.000 Take my baby away so it can have a life and not die and go into prostitution or something horrible.
00:16:24.000 And then we go, don't worry.
00:16:25.000 I'm going to fly from America, the land of the free, and give your daughter a wonderful life.
00:16:29.000 Then they check back in 13 years later, that's not too long.
00:16:34.000 There's a giant fucking machete scar.
00:16:39.000 And remember when Gigi Gorgeous did it with her husband?
00:16:45.000 The poor girl was in a wheelchair for like a week.
00:16:48.000 And Gigi would drive her around.
00:16:50.000 And every time they hit a bump, it hurt.
00:16:53.000 I mean, my tattoos hurt right now.
00:16:55.000 The tattoos we got during the marathon.
00:16:57.000 Not a lot, but they scraped me with the pin thing.
00:17:00.000 It went in like a millimeter.
00:17:02.000 And it's a little bit itchy and uncomfortable.
00:17:04.000 Imagine you have your fucking tits cut off.
00:17:08.000 Or an enormous piece of your thigh.
00:17:12.000 Do they have more pictures of that guy?
00:17:14.000 That guy.
00:17:16.000 So yeah, the thing doesn't work.
00:17:20.000 You can sometimes get a pump.
00:17:22.000 Oh, my lord.
00:17:25.000 You can sometimes get a pump, but like, it's not like it feels good.
00:17:29.000 It's just they take your vaginal peehole, and it's not quite as, well, it's exactly as disgusting as the male to female.
00:17:38.000 Female to male.
00:17:39.000 They're both equally ridiculous.
00:17:43.000 What the fuck just happened there?
00:17:50.000 Oh.
00:17:53.000 Oh, this poor girl.
00:17:57.000 So here's what happened with them.
00:17:58.000 Gigi Gorgeous is a gay man who wanted to become a woman.
00:18:03.000 And she met a billionaire, heir to the Getty oil throne.
00:18:08.000 This lesbian will do anything to be with Gigi because she's madly in love and it's a girl with a built-in strap on.
00:18:18.000 Perfect.
00:18:20.000 So Gigi's not attracted to her.
00:18:24.000 And she wants her to be more male.
00:18:26.000 She's gay.
00:18:27.000 No, this is confusing because I keep changing the pronouns.
00:18:30.000 Gigi has long hair.
00:18:32.000 Nat has short hair.
00:18:33.000 So Gigi's a gay man, as far as I'm concerned.
00:18:36.000 Nat is a lesbian.
00:18:38.000 The gay man, gay men are not attracted to that.
00:18:41.000 Gay men want to fuck like The Rock or Tony Soprano or someone very male.
00:18:47.000 So she married her for money.
00:18:49.000 Gigi married Nat for money, and now she's like, can you get rid of these tits?
00:18:52.000 I mean, we already talked about this, but...
00:18:56.000 That's so depraved.
00:18:59.000 Without further ado, let's just get into it.
00:19:00.000 Let's bring Kate in here.
00:19:02.000 So, your head.
00:19:05.000 So, attention.
00:19:08.000 Here is Kate.
00:19:10.000 I think it would be interesting for people to know how we met.
00:19:13.000 We were at brunch together.
00:19:14.000 Drag brunch.
00:19:14.000 We were at drag brunch, and someone was like, oh my god, she did Shi Chi's makeup.
00:19:19.000 And we're both like, okay.
00:19:20.000 And then I came over here and painted you in drag into the chicken.
00:19:25.000 Because that's a chick who's an effeminate guy.
00:19:27.000 And then we went to Mickey's, and the rest is her story, I feel.
00:19:31.000 Wait, with the colorful sweater?
00:19:32.000 The rest is her story.
00:19:35.000 When I look at that guy in the middle, I just see this poor, deranged homosexual who's been mutilated.
00:19:41.000 And then with Nat on the right with the spiky hair, I see this pathetic lesbian who's also been mutilated.
00:19:48.000 They're pro-mutilation.
00:19:49.000 It's funny how they say, we need to be free from the patriarchy in order to be safe.
00:19:54.000 So we say, okay, fine, I don't want to get in your way.
00:19:56.000 Enjoy yourself.
00:19:57.000 So we release them into the wild.
00:20:00.000 And what do they do?
00:20:01.000 Maim themselves and then commit suicide.
00:20:07.000 Good vibe.
00:20:08.000 It's going to be super fun.
00:20:09.000 I'm really excited.
00:20:10.000 No, Chad Character.
00:20:12.000 Can you believe that it's the sexists like me that are saying, please don't let little girls chop their tits off?
00:20:21.000 Oh, God.
00:20:22.000 I remember seeing it for the first time.
00:20:23.000 Oh, that's not Nat.
00:20:24.000 So that's a girl.
00:20:25.000 So what did you call that girl?
00:20:29.000 I remember seeing it for the first time.
00:20:32.000 It's a chick pretending to be a gay, effeminate guy.
00:20:36.000 Wait, that's her with tits.
00:20:38.000 They're removing them now.
00:20:39.000 So she has like no tits, basically.
00:20:41.000 You know what's funny?
00:20:42.000 Oh, no, that's what that is.
00:20:44.000 Oh, what is that?
00:20:45.000 What is going on with that nipple thing?
00:20:46.000 What is going on with that nipple thing?
00:20:48.000 What the fuck is that?
00:20:49.000 That's a garlic.
00:20:50.000 It's like that show of the swan.
00:20:52.000 Look how funny.
00:20:53.000 At least this surgeon's better at it and you get to keep your pepperonis.
00:20:56.000 In pancake, yeah.
00:20:57.000 Oh, my God.
00:20:59.000 It's just remote.
00:21:00.000 Your body must be so confused.
00:21:03.000 Jesus, that's like this is...
00:21:04.000 All of this is horrific, but that's so much nicer than that weird Asian-looking girl.
00:21:10.000 That Asian-looking girl looks like they used a table saw.
00:21:17.000 You should be.
00:21:18.000 By the way, the implication here, the insinuation is that when women are lesbians, they walk around with their tits and they don't feel like men.
00:21:29.000 I'd say about a third of the men I hang out with have tits.
00:21:34.000 Like, to say you're not a man if you have tits, you haven't been to Disneyland.
00:21:41.000 Pretty much every parent there, every dad has tits.
00:21:47.000 Even semi-fit guys have tits.
00:21:51.000 What's she getting removed?
00:21:54.000 This is so depraved.
00:21:55.000 Like, isn't it weird how Gigi wants them to lose their tits?
00:21:59.000 What is that?
00:22:01.000 That's Gigi?
00:22:01.000 Yeah.
00:22:02.000 It's a dude.
00:22:04.000 What the fuck?
00:22:05.000 What's going on with your hand now?
00:22:12.000 Dealing with, like, in the most adorable, like, endearing way, like, a three-year-old child.
00:22:16.000 Just to wear a pin that says she.
00:22:18.000 I was going to have to get my hand amputated.
00:22:20.000 Yeah, no, and like, no, no.
00:22:21.000 But it's like, I stole your tits.
00:22:23.000 You know what this is?
00:22:24.000 What we're watching here?
00:22:25.000 The patriarchy.
00:22:27.000 Gigi is the male.
00:22:29.000 Gigi is the patriarch.
00:22:30.000 She's controlling these women and maiming them and stealing their tits.
00:22:35.000 I don't want you to have tits, but I want tits.
00:22:37.000 So she gets fake tits and makes them take away their tits.
00:22:41.000 This is depraved.
00:22:42.000 This is sick.
00:22:44.000 Like that dude who had the sex cult where they talk about how, oh, he was so evil.
00:22:48.000 He burned them.
00:22:50.000 Now, if he was fucking underage girls, yes, yes, throw him in jail.
00:22:53.000 But if he's not, and the whole thing is like he controlled these women and made them have sex with him.
00:22:58.000 What about maiming them and making them cut off four tits so you can have two?
00:23:04.000 I know he didn't literally take their tits, but you get the concept.
00:23:06.000 It's sort of like these women who think that they're feminists and they're rich, you know, American housewives and they fly in a nanny from the Philippines.
00:23:16.000 You stole love.
00:23:18.000 She's not with her kids anymore.
00:23:20.000 She has kids in the Philippines.
00:23:22.000 The Philippines' number one outsource is human beings, and that's love.
00:23:26.000 So you're taking love from the Filipina family and you're putting it into your family.
00:23:34.000 Oh, God.
00:23:35.000 You don't look like a dude.
00:23:36.000 Yeah, it's the moment.
00:23:38.000 You sort of look like a maimed 12-year-old boy.
00:23:43.000 A chubby 12-year-old?
00:23:45.000 Is that what you were going for?
00:23:46.000 It was definitely weird.
00:23:46.000 It was the first time someone was like grabbing really hard right there.
00:23:50.000 But yeah, it feels great.
00:23:52.000 I haven't worked on my chest at all, so I'm like still the flattest, but I kind of like love that for me right now.
00:23:57.000 Okay, so thank you guys for watching this video.
00:24:00.000 Thanks, Kate, for being so open and honest.
00:24:02.000 Thank you for having me.
00:24:03.000 Thank you guys for doing this for me.
00:24:05.000 I literally would have died without you, and I can't believe the universe couldn't be in your lives.
00:24:10.000 Yeah, babe.
00:24:11.000 Yeah, Kate.
00:24:12.000 Love you.
00:24:13.000 These are my pets.
00:24:14.000 I control and disfigure.
00:24:17.000 Their lighting is better than mine, Ryan.
00:24:18.000 I seem kind of dark.
00:24:20.000 I want to be like Gigi.
00:24:24.000 Can you fix that live?
00:24:26.000 I mean, we got a lot of lights on.
00:24:29.000 They have like a ring light right on their face.
00:24:31.000 Yeah, they have those circle things on their jiggies.
00:24:33.000 They look very natural.
00:24:37.000 All right, that's enough homosexuality.
00:24:43.000 Oh, this was interesting.
00:24:44.000 So an insider told me, he said, all of this stuff with COVID and mandates as far as the FDMY and NYPD goes, what they're really trying to do is make the old timers quit.
00:24:57.000 Did I tell you this already?
00:24:58.000 The old guard?
00:25:00.000 Yeah, the background seems to change what the camera wants to do.
00:25:04.000 What if you made it really dark?
00:25:05.000 Do I brighten up?
00:25:08.000 Maybe it's all just relative.
00:25:11.000 Because there's the old guard at MYPD and FDMY.
00:25:15.000 And they get a great salary, great perks.
00:25:17.000 It's not hard.
00:25:17.000 So they tend not to leave.
00:25:19.000 So if you want to be captain, I think it is, lieutenant, I forget the top guys.
00:25:26.000 It's not looking good for you.
00:25:27.000 There's like 100 people who want the job, and there's six positions.
00:25:31.000 And the six guys aren't going anywhere.
00:25:34.000 So Eric Adams, who is, make no mistake, he's a blacktivist.
00:25:39.000 He's Black Lives Matter.
00:25:40.000 He doesn't give a shit about cops.
00:25:43.000 He doesn't give a shit about New York.
00:25:44.000 All he cares about is black rights activism.
00:25:47.000 Yes, I know he was a cop.
00:25:49.000 When he was a cop, it was all about black rights.
00:25:51.000 And he was a member of the 100 Black Cops or whatever the fuck it's called.
00:25:57.000 So he is taking that into the mayorial ship.
00:26:03.000 And so they just hired this head of, what is she?
00:26:06.000 she's the top brass.
00:26:08.000 Okay, so, sorry.
00:26:10.000 We've had some time off.
00:26:11.000 I'm not quite as articulate as I should be.
00:26:13.000 So we do the mandates.
00:26:14.000 We insist everyone is triple vaccinated with the booster, all you old guys.
00:26:18.000 So they get pissed off and they go, well, I mean, I have been on the force 42 years.
00:26:24.000 I'm only supposed to do 20.
00:26:26.000 Fine.
00:26:26.000 This is the straw that broke the camel's back.
00:26:28.000 Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop.
00:26:30.000 All these positions open up.
00:26:31.000 Then Eric fills them in with his black paintbrush.
00:26:34.000 And now, MIPDF DMY is all black.
00:26:38.000 I mean, they do that with judges, prosecutors.
00:26:42.000 They're changing the color of America.
00:26:45.000 And the reason I have a problem with that is because it's not based on meritocracy.
00:26:49.000 If they were changing the top brass to all be people who were good swimmers, I would be pissed off.
00:26:55.000 If they all had to have a large mustache, I would be pissed off.
00:26:58.000 It's not the mustache or the swimming.
00:27:00.000 It's that you're not going by who has the most seniority, who's the best.
00:27:04.000 So if you want proof of any of this, check out this, The Wall Behind This Woman.
00:27:09.000 3-5.
00:27:14.000 Jumping way ahead here.
00:27:20.000 Uh-oh.
00:27:22.000 Geeks.
00:27:23.000 All right.
00:27:24.000 This is the problem with old links, too.
00:27:28.000 Don't worry, you can't bring me down.
00:27:29.000 Because guess what?
00:27:31.000 I texted a cop about it.
00:27:34.000 And I said, look at this shit.
00:27:38.000 Um.
00:27:43.000 Eric Adams' new MIPD commissioner is being impointed in front of a mural.
00:27:49.000 Her name is KeyChant.
00:27:51.000 What?
00:27:53.000 What kind of fucking name is that?
00:27:58.000 Keychant.
00:27:59.000 K-E-E-C-H-A-N-T.
00:28:07.000 Wait, the link's coming up for me, Ryan.
00:28:12.000 35, I'll click again.
00:28:13.000 Eric Adams, new NYPD Commissioner, is being appointed in front of a mural featuring Malcolm X. Okay, I like Malcolm X, but he's pretty radical.
00:28:23.000 That's a pretty big deal.
00:28:26.000 Also on the mural, Nat Turner.
00:28:29.000 Okay, so Nat Turner, which one was he again?
00:28:33.000 Was he a Black Panther?
00:28:37.000 Nat Turner.
00:28:40.000 See, they get more and more radical as we go down the list.
00:28:43.000 Angela Davis, Huey Newton, and Asada Shakur.
00:28:47.000 Asada Shakur, Tupac's mom, killed a cop and was taken away, smuggled into Cuba, where she lives today.
00:28:59.000 I assume they just send her money.
00:29:02.000 Like, just to be clear here, the NYPD commissioner is being appointed in front of a mural of a cop killer.
00:29:13.000 Yeah, that mural.
00:29:14.000 I wonder if they're trying to hide it.
00:29:17.000 Look, the shots include Malcolm X, who's like the most tame guy on the wall.
00:29:25.000 That's what they're doing.
00:29:29.000 And you'd say, okay, so they're radicalizing the MIPD.
00:29:34.000 Don't put too much thought into this.
00:29:37.000 It's not about radicalizing the MYPD.
00:29:40.000 All Eric Adams cares about is that they're black.
00:29:43.000 Well, would he put a black conservative in?
00:29:46.000 Not really, but that's just because a black conservative would be less likely to be on his affirmative action squad and would get in his way.
00:29:55.000 Can't you find this, fuckface?
00:29:58.000 I'm looking on Gurduski's thing, but I can't find it.
00:30:00.000 Give up on Gurduski.
00:30:01.000 That ship has sailed.
00:30:05.000 Here, I'll email it to you.
00:30:11.000 I just want to find this.
00:30:12.000 I want to show people this mural.
00:30:14.000 Who's this guy?
00:30:15.000 Here's a wide.
00:30:17.000 Yeah, but still kind of obscure.
00:30:19.000 Tupac's mom is still cut out.
00:30:21.000 Asata.
00:30:22.000 She's on the far, well, the far right of the photo, not the far right of politics.
00:30:28.000 Isn't that weird?
00:30:29.000 Who is this guy, Paul?
00:30:31.000 Paulo.
00:30:32.000 He's probably a racist.
00:30:34.000 Paulo Friere?
00:30:36.000 Education is an act of love and thus an act of courage.
00:30:41.000 What the fuck does that even mean?
00:30:45.000 The rhetoric is just, it doesn't stand up to any kind of an analysis whatsoever, does it?
00:30:56.000 Paulo P-A-U-L-O.
00:30:59.000 I sent you the mural, Ryan.
00:31:01.000 Yep, still waiting for that to come in.
00:31:03.000 Text or the email, right?
00:31:04.000 Still waiting.
00:31:07.000 Paulo Friere.
00:31:11.000 Paulo Friere was a Brazilian educator.
00:31:14.000 Dude, this guy was a big deal in Brazil because he was all about public school and wanted public schools to be popular in fucking Brazil.
00:31:30.000 This is the second time I've come across this penis face.
00:31:35.000 In Bryant Park, my favorite park in New York City, there's a massive bronze statue to this guy.
00:31:42.000 Why do we...
00:31:43.000 I brought this up on my old show after I saw it because I looked up the statue.
00:31:47.000 I was like, who the fuck is this guy?
00:31:48.000 It's him in like the 60s.
00:31:50.000 He doesn't look like that.
00:31:50.000 He looks more like a suit type.
00:31:52.000 I look him up and he's like this big public school advocate in Brazil because they love public school and they got to get their Hispanic numbers up.
00:31:59.000 So they just go to Brazil for a guy.
00:32:02.000 I'm like, why isn't Bill the Butcher there?
00:32:04.000 Well, he was a violent gang member.
00:32:07.000 Okay.
00:32:08.000 He's still, so is most of the people on the wall behind you.
00:32:11.000 And at least he's from New York.
00:32:14.000 Paulo's got nothing to do with New York.
00:32:16.000 And I betcha he was racist.
00:32:21.000 Racism, no?
00:32:23.000 Blacks.
00:32:25.000 We know that we know that Shea Guevara was racist.
00:32:31.000 In South Africa, Freire's ideas and methods were central to the 70s consciousness movement, often associated with Steve Biko.
00:32:39.000 Okay, so I didn't catch him being racist.
00:32:43.000 Not that Wikipedia is going to be hard on a socialist.
00:32:51.000 Oh, so this is racism.
00:32:52.000 Let's do the racism interstitial.
00:33:01.000 I'm a black female.
00:33:03.000 What other differences?
00:33:04.000 What else could I have done to piss you off?
00:33:07.000 Black woman?
00:33:09.000 This is really inconvenient.
00:33:23.000 Oh, Black Betty.
00:33:24.000 Bamba Lamb.
00:33:25.000 Bamba Lam.
00:33:34.000 A lot of ums on today's show.
00:33:36.000 That's not entertaining.
00:33:40.000 What's 3-7?
00:33:41.000 What is Jussie's story today?
00:33:44.000 I was hanging out with Zanoa Kinsman on the weekend.
00:33:48.000 I just can't not call her son Jussie Smollett.
00:33:51.000 John Kinsman, the Proud Boy's son, JJ, is an exact clone of Jussie Smollett.
00:34:00.000 I think he even, she told me he saw a picture of him, and he said, that guy looks like me.
00:34:08.000 What?
00:34:09.000 That's incredible.
00:34:10.000 Yeah.
00:34:12.000 What is this now?
00:34:14.000 Blow it up.
00:34:14.000 Oh, this was all the initial.
00:34:15.000 Yeah, yeah, this is, boy, talk about ancient Chinese secret.
00:34:18.000 This is from fucking two weeks ago.
00:34:21.000 But it's just a funny reminder.
00:34:22.000 Speaking of Elliot Page, in a way, of all the people who jumped on this, they're just such fucking sheep over at the DNC and they're lackeys in the media like Joy Reed.
00:34:37.000 What does Joy Reed got to say?
00:34:38.000 Nooses never what?
00:34:41.000 The fuck does she know about nooses?
00:34:43.000 Her parents are from Africa.
00:34:45.000 Nooses never really disappeared.
00:34:46.000 Messages of a very specific terror, but every time they do, God, it's chilling.
00:34:51.000 Praying for Jesse's full recovery.
00:34:54.000 This is exactly what happened when the Proud Boys were arrested for the fight, and one politician said hate has no place in New York.
00:35:00.000 And then they all went on to say the exact same thing.
00:35:08.000 3-8.
00:35:09.000 It's a question above my competence.
00:35:12.000 What's that again?
00:35:16.000 Ooh, blackberry.
00:35:18.000 Bamba-lam.
00:35:19.000 Oh, this guy's a fucking clown.
00:35:33.000 Why?
00:35:33.000 This might have to be a green screen.
00:35:35.000 This is long.
00:35:52.000 For a good chunk of the last year or so.
00:35:54.000 Isn't it weird how writers at The Guardian, Huffington Post, and Washington Post don't realize they're a joke and no one takes them seriously?
00:36:04.000 They're just for like silly girls.
00:36:07.000 Like, it's not like academics and scientists constantly refer to The Guardian as a source.
00:36:13.000 You can always, if they call proud boys crypto-fascist or neo-fascist, you know you're dealing with underdeveloped minds.
00:36:29.000 Revere or remove the battle over statue's heritage and history.
00:36:33.000 And really our subject, in a way, is memory and how we grapple with that publicly.
00:36:39.000 It's one thing how we grapple with it in our own personal lives, but the larger question here is how do we deal with memory in the public sphere?
00:36:47.000 Part of that is going to be about statues, but we're going to also, I hope, explore other areas in which we have to reckon with our past.
00:36:56.000 And with me are four people who do that professionally and are really extraordinary.
00:37:01.000 So this guy in the end is just such a twat.
00:37:06.000 And he talks right there.
00:37:08.000 It's just a white guy.
00:37:09.000 And he always does being black and British.
00:37:11.000 And he's got a show called Black and British.
00:37:13.000 He's got a book for kids, Go Black and British.
00:37:15.000 He just makes up shit.
00:37:16.000 Like they'll find a body in Wales and they'll say, judging by the oxidization in her bones, she's not from Wales.
00:37:25.000 So he says she's from Africa.
00:37:27.000 No, she's from Liverpool.
00:37:28.000 She travelled.
00:37:31.000 Not black, sorry.
00:37:33.000 Oxford's Oriel College, which of course is your benefactor.
00:37:44.000 I was in John.
00:37:45.000 Yeah, that's to win a battle of power.
00:37:47.000 And so just to inform this bit of the conversation, why don't you, because I know you've written about this, say something about the context in the United States about these Confederate generals on horseback often, which people assume were built in the Civil War and therefore we mustn't take them down because the Civil War is a big part of American history.
00:38:03.000 The history of their construction is slightly different.
00:38:05.000 Can you just say that?
00:38:05.000 Well, see, this is another myth.
00:38:07.000 We presume these statues are much older than they were.
00:38:10.000 It's always presumed because they're meant to look old and they weather and they look grey and awful very quickly.
00:38:15.000 We presume they're old.
00:38:16.000 Most of the statues in the Civil War, which was 61 to 65, were not put up in 1866 when people were, the wounded and the veterans were still alive.
00:38:26.000 There's a great burst of statues being put up around the time of 1919 at the end of the First World War.
00:38:33.000 Around the same time, 21 African-American soldiers were lynched for wearing their uniforms in public.
00:38:38.000 Can you also comment on how from a distance your hair looks like a white man's.
00:38:42.000 When you zoom in, it looks like a bit of worms.
00:38:45.000 When you zoom in, it looks like a 14-year-old girl who works at Five Guys.
00:38:50.000 Wait, go back to the beginning of his first appearance, though.
00:38:54.000 You know what?
00:38:54.000 It just, if I was black, I would just say, shut the fuck up and stop making us look like pussies who are constantly complaining about being lynched and how horrible it was and how we're the only ones who were ever putting it.
00:39:17.000 To me, it's a very simple case.
00:39:19.000 Many of the figures that we're going to debate tonight, they have two sides to their story.
00:39:23.000 They did great things, but they did terrible things.
00:39:25.000 Colston doesn't have another side to the ledger.
00:39:28.000 He ran the Royal African Company, the most infamous, the most prolific slave trading company in British history.
00:39:33.000 He's responsible, we estimate, for the deaths of around 30,000 people who died in slave raids, died in the whole civil society.
00:39:39.000 See, I always get in shit with Americans because they're very sensitive about the Civil War, but it's showing history.
00:39:45.000 And the argument they always say is, oh, should you have statues of Hitler in Germany?
00:39:50.000 Yeah.
00:39:51.000 You should.
00:39:52.000 There's statues of Mao in China.
00:39:55.000 It shows history.
00:39:56.000 It doesn't necessarily mean I revere this person.
00:40:00.000 Does a book about World War II with a big swastika on it called The Third Reich, does that mean you revere Nazis?
00:40:08.000 No.
00:40:09.000 You just are marking history.
00:40:10.000 The irony is, by the way, this guy with the 14-year-old girl's hairdo is a history professor.
00:40:16.000 He doesn't know anything about history, constantly getting it wrong, and he's anti-history.
00:40:20.000 He wants statues removed.
00:40:22.000 Removing statues is book burning.
00:40:26.000 But keep going, because there's one part here, I should have time stamped it, where he says, I mean, a lot of these statues, really, to be honest, you know, we all feel the same way about them.
00:40:34.000 They look silly.
00:40:36.000 They just look silly.
00:40:37.000 They're funny.
00:40:38.000 I mean, we've had one, when I grew up in Bristol, we would always put a pylon on top of Lord fuckface's head because we were mocking him.
00:40:46.000 They do that in Glasgow too, by the way.
00:40:50.000 They don't look silly to me.
00:40:51.000 It looks silly to you because you're an asshole and you disdain your country's past because you make money whining about it and pretending that America's racist.
00:41:02.000 I mean, sorry, Britain's racist and you're a victim.
00:41:05.000 Keep going.
00:41:06.000 And he has statues built in honor of him, buildings named after him, because he gave lots of money to the city he was born in, Bristol.
00:41:15.000 That's all.
00:41:16.000 He decided that he wanted to whitewash his legacy and make sure that he was well remembered.
00:41:22.000 The statue in the centre of Bristol was built in 1895.
00:41:25.000 He died in 1721.
00:41:27.000 We have no idea what he looks like.
00:41:28.000 Never mind whether the statue was an accurate representation of his likeness.
00:41:33.000 This is somebody for whom there is no mitigating argument.
00:41:37.000 Because statues aren't about remembering history.
00:41:40.000 They're about memorialization.
00:41:42.000 They're about saying this was somebody who fairly, where'd you get that from?
00:41:47.000 Is it not about remembering history?
00:41:49.000 What about plaques?
00:41:50.000 What about in New York City, we've got a big sort of mound of dirt on the West End by Chelsea Piers, and it's in memorial of the potato famine.
00:42:01.000 Is it pro-potato famine?
00:42:02.000 Is it pro-the Irish starving to death?
00:42:05.000 What are you talking about?
00:42:07.000 Statue says he's a wise and virtuous son.
00:42:10.000 He's not wise.
00:42:11.000 He's not virtuous.
00:42:12.000 He's a killer.
00:42:13.000 And his statue shouldn't be on public display on the streets of Bristol, but it should be in a museum.
00:42:18.000 Because when they talk about toppling statues, that's another trick they do.
00:42:22.000 They say, no, no, no, we don't want it destroyed.
00:42:24.000 We want it to go to the museum.
00:42:25.000 And then there was just a big Confederate statue that after they took it down, they melted it.
00:42:31.000 They're not going into a museum.
00:42:32.000 They're going to put it.
00:42:34.000 What putting it in a museum is doing is I control the narrative.
00:42:38.000 So I'll take your Confederate soldiers and then I'll put them in a museum of slavery and it'll be in the asshole section down the cunt wing.
00:42:49.000 My hair doesn't belong in my head.
00:42:51.000 It belongs in a museum.
00:42:54.000 He's clearly disappointed in how un-Afro-y his hair is.
00:42:57.000 I'm kind of like, if I had hair like that, this would be a good look.
00:43:01.000 Because it like falls like a longer regular type of long hair.
00:43:08.000 It's kind of cool.
00:43:09.000 Like from that far away.
00:43:10.000 It's vain and irritating.
00:43:13.000 I want to hear him talk about how they look silly.
00:43:27.000 Thank you.
00:43:28.000 Thank you.
00:43:30.000 All right, so then she says don't take down statues.
00:43:32.000 She's reasonable, rational.
00:43:34.000 We don't have time for that on this show.
00:43:35.000 We're already reasonable and rational.
00:43:37.000 And then the one in the frizzy hair talks about reparations and how important those are.
00:43:41.000 You should watch this on your own time.
00:43:42.000 It's a shit show.
00:43:44.000 But he complains about how silly they look.
00:43:47.000 We don't have to find it exactly.
00:43:48.000 But go to 3.9.
00:43:49.000 Real quick, speaking of hair, Sam recognizes that you recognize he's sexy.
00:43:54.000 Yeah, that's boring, Ryan.
00:43:55.000 Don't break that into that.
00:43:56.000 Statue, Rivera.
00:43:57.000 And look, why are you injecting that into a discussion about statues?
00:44:00.000 Because it's about hair.
00:44:01.000 Very sexy, so.
00:44:03.000 Okay, this is not your show.
00:44:05.000 It was fun.
00:44:05.000 Do 3-9.
00:44:14.000 Don't erase our history.
00:44:16.000 Very simple.
00:44:17.000 It's not even my history.
00:44:18.000 I'm Canadian and British.
00:44:19.000 I'm new to America, and I revere the country that took me in.
00:44:24.000 Oh, this is perfect.
00:44:25.000 Yeah.
00:44:26.000 So this was, I'm glad I put this right after him saying how silly they look, right?
00:44:32.000 Turn it up.
00:44:53.000 Fuck Lincoln.
00:44:54.000 I thought it was about anti-racism.
00:44:57.000 Oh, he can't stand with Indians.
00:45:02.000 You know what they've done in New York with Roosevelt?
00:45:04.000 They just covered it in plywood.
00:45:06.000 It's too heavy to lift.
00:45:07.000 So now you have this big, beautiful museum with just a series of wood boxes in front of it.
00:45:16.000 Talk about censored.tv.
00:45:20.000 Anyway.
00:45:25.000 Let's jump to the mailbag.
00:45:27.000 Short Eps this week.
00:45:28.000 Short Eps.
00:45:29.000 I don't want you to fall Out of the habit of watching this show, but I also want to experience some time with my family.
00:45:58.000 Hey, Gavin, there's an article in The Root about a black lady that collects black Santa's.
00:46:04.000 Talking about Santa after Christmas.
00:46:05.000 Although it was Kwanza yesterday.
00:46:10.000 Do you know how stupid you'd have to be to still celebrate Kwanza after it's been exposed that the guy started it was a corrupt, depraved, perverted, career criminal, scam artist?
00:46:24.000 Unlike Santa, who is literally a saint.
00:46:29.000 No, I'm not interested in saints if they're white.
00:46:31.000 I'd rather just follow some made-up shitter, a pathetic, disgusting, criminal pervert made-up.
00:46:38.000 There she is.
00:46:40.000 Wait, the one behind her is not black.
00:46:46.000 And one of them looks kind of like a Sambo, a gollywog.
00:46:53.000 You've mentioned that you don't agree with the concept or having to see it to be it, so you should like this.
00:46:58.000 Oh, sorry, he says I don't agree with the concept of see it to be it.
00:47:02.000 So you understand there's this thing where the reason they make every surgeon on TV black and they make every astronaut a woman or a black girl is because these young people need to see that in order to dream.
00:47:14.000 And they always say like, I finally someone who looks like me is on TV, which is such a weird thing to say.
00:47:19.000 My wife is a Ho-Chunk Slovak.
00:47:22.000 You know who else is a Ho-Chunk Slovak?
00:47:26.000 Her brother.
00:47:27.000 That's it on Earth.
00:47:30.000 Tia Carrera sort of looks like her, but that's not what she is.
00:47:34.000 So she never saw anyone on TV who was just like her.
00:47:38.000 She managed to live.
00:47:39.000 She managed to survive it.
00:47:41.000 It's just total shit.
00:47:43.000 Ben Carson is a brain surgeon because he saw a black brain surgeon on TV?
00:47:47.000 No.
00:47:49.000 Anyway, so here is, this is both Black Santa and See It to Be It combined into sheer idiocy.
00:47:58.000 When talking about showing the children in the community her diverse array of Santas, she's quoted saying, I think it's very important that they see and they can identify with it.
00:48:09.000 It helps them to be proud.
00:48:11.000 They can say, okay, I can be anything.
00:48:14.000 I can be anyone.
00:48:16.000 What?
00:48:18.000 No, you cannot be Santa.
00:48:22.000 He's taken.
00:48:23.000 That's a dumb dream to have as a kid.
00:48:27.000 Look at that.
00:48:28.000 She says believe on her shirt, and she doesn't believe in the myth and the legend because she can't bear the brunt of it.
00:48:38.000 Dude, why would you get tattooed by a chick with a light hand and has zero tattoos?
00:48:45.000 What do you mean a light hand?
00:48:47.000 Have you seen all my tattoos?
00:48:50.000 And no tattoos.
00:48:51.000 She's got tons of tattoos.
00:48:53.000 My whole body's covered in tattoos.
00:48:55.000 I got my first one in 1988.
00:48:57.000 How old were you, sir, in 1988?
00:49:01.000 You didn't exist.
00:49:02.000 I guarantee it.
00:49:04.000 So once again, we have a child telling an experienced old man who knows what he's doing that he's doing it wrong.
00:49:13.000 You guys aren't great on reading books.
00:49:16.000 You're not great on work, but you're good on confidence.
00:49:19.000 I think the millennials have reached a...
00:49:23.000 Their tank is full when it comes to confidence.
00:49:25.000 Now let's fill up the other tanks, like the information tank.
00:49:30.000 You ever hear the saying, bright, bold, and will hold?
00:49:33.000 That's because the artist hammers that shit into your skin.
00:49:36.000 And any legit artist using a tattoo machine, either one they have built themselves or another artist built, he adds.
00:49:44.000 Like, who?
00:49:45.000 What a fucking moron.
00:49:46.000 Should I respond?
00:49:48.000 I can't resist.
00:49:51.000 Hey, asshole.
00:49:55.000 I've been getting tattoos since 1988.
00:50:04.000 You weren't born then.
00:50:11.000 Maybe step back and shut the fuck up.
00:50:20.000 Respect your elders.
00:50:23.000 You utterly useless child.
00:50:29.000 There we go.
00:50:31.000 I'll make that for me personally.
00:50:33.000 Then he'll have a big long response that I won't respond to because I'm not looking for any new pals.
00:50:40.000 I saw a movie advertised on Netflix called Escape from Pretoria.
00:50:43.000 Oh, I finally saw The Governor, something a baby monster suggested.
00:50:48.000 It's pretty good.
00:50:49.000 It's kind of sloppy, which I like.
00:50:53.000 I was telling you earlier, I like reading books by cops that are bad because it feels more authentic when they're sort of grammatically sluggish and they have non-sequiturs stuck in and it feels real.
00:51:06.000 It's like if you were hearing an interview with a criminal, you wouldn't want it to be perfectly polished.
00:51:12.000 It wouldn't feel authentic.
00:51:14.000 Similarly, a documentary about a bare knuckle boxer who had a film career towards the end, Lenny McLean, you want it to be a little rough around the edges.
00:51:28.000 And so it's very flattering.
00:51:30.000 It talks about how he was the toughest, the hardest man in Britain, but he also was a bit nuts.
00:51:35.000 And the son, who's my exact age, confronts that, and that was cool.
00:51:41.000 But yeah, it's a great movie.
00:51:42.000 You should check it out.
00:51:44.000 It's really hard to find, though.
00:51:46.000 I had to use a couple cheats to get it.
00:51:48.000 And it's GUV Apostrophe N-O-R.
00:51:53.000 Anyway, I saw a movie advertised on Netflix called Escape from Pretoria.
00:51:56.000 I thought, oh, cool, a jailbreak movie.
00:51:57.000 Should be good entertainment.
00:51:58.000 I only got about two minutes in before I had To shut it off.
00:52:01.000 Is this the Pretoria one?
00:52:02.000 Yep.
00:52:03.000 We don't plan on staying that long.
00:52:08.000 It's 20 foot high.
00:52:09.000 The bomb wire suffers every South Africa.
00:52:23.000 Everybody comes in here and I'm going to go to the bathroom.
00:52:25.000 Okay, so they're worried.
00:52:26.000 Oh, wait, the guards are all white, too, right?
00:52:29.000 What are they worried about?
00:52:30.000 Making blacks look bad?
00:52:33.000 It starts off immediately talking about what pieces of shit white people are during apartheid and even utters the phrase, I had to use my white privilege for good.
00:52:40.000 Then it shows him and his white buddy planting bombs.
00:52:43.000 I shut it off at this point because I could see where it's going.
00:52:45.000 The preview showed them in prison, so obviously the main story is them escaping from prison.
00:52:49.000 The filmmakers are trying to make us sympathetic to these characters.
00:52:52.000 It's pretty disturbing, the obvious message they're sending out.
00:52:54.000 If you're white, you have privilege.
00:52:56.000 We are in modern-day apartheid, and you must use that white privilege to do something radical and violent to send a message and fight for the black struggle.
00:53:04.000 When you do this, you will be viewed as a hero.
00:53:06.000 You may end up killing people and go to prison, but don't worry, you're a hero.
00:53:11.000 Yeah, it's sort of like Nelson Mandela.
00:53:14.000 I mean, he killed or was responsible for the bombings that killed hundreds of people.
00:53:23.000 Eh.
00:53:24.000 Remember, I told you that story?
00:53:25.000 I was at my local bar, some fucking nerdy dads who were both divorced with young kids, which I'm sorry, that's a sign of failure.
00:53:32.000 Ari the rugged man has his shirt that says, the good dad, co.
00:53:37.000 No.
00:53:39.000 If your kid's like three or four and you're divorced, you're not a good dad.
00:53:43.000 You fucked up.
00:53:44.000 I understand there's extraneous circumstances.
00:53:46.000 Maybe when she gets older, but you couldn't last three years.
00:53:51.000 Max and John are doing four years.
00:53:54.000 By the way, baby monsters, I can't thank you enough for writing to Max and John.
00:54:00.000 John has, John sent to Zenoa a box this big of all letters from all over the world, Africa, Russia, all over Europe.
00:54:11.000 He has more than one letter where it's the guy's last letter before he dies, which is, as Larry David points out in Curb Your Enthusiasm, fourth stage cancer wisdom.
00:54:22.000 And it's people going, I have brain cancer.
00:54:24.000 I'm not going to be around for next month.
00:54:26.000 Don't bother writing back.
00:54:27.000 I won't get it.
00:54:28.000 I'll be dead.
00:54:30.000 But I want you to know that you're an inspiration and, you know, times are tough.
00:54:33.000 Sometimes you'll get through this, blah, blah, blah.
00:54:38.000 More than one.
00:54:42.000 Ayo, I found this old video of you and Ryan.
00:54:48.000 Was that from a compound?
00:54:49.000 What would that be on?
00:54:52.000 This is just entitled Mailbag.
00:54:54.000 It's too down from the last one.
00:54:56.000 Oh, gotcha.
00:54:57.000 Yeah.
00:54:58.000 I don't read spam.
00:55:01.000 What does that mean?
00:55:02.000 Well, the next one below the one we just read is New York Times.
00:55:07.000 Okay, this is rude.
00:55:10.000 Which one am I?
00:55:11.000 Which one is you?
00:55:12.000 That's you.
00:55:13.000 You're the one with the Doctor Who shirt.
00:55:14.000 I'm like this.
00:55:15.000 That's your hair.
00:55:15.000 That's me.
00:55:18.000 Oh, you blew it.
00:55:19.000 Surprise, surprise.
00:55:21.000 I'm frustrated.
00:55:24.000 You can't believe you screwed up again.
00:55:29.000 I tell you to put it in the bowl.
00:55:31.000 Notice I don't even break the yoke.
00:55:32.000 Your yoke is shattered.
00:55:34.000 Inconsistency.
00:55:35.000 He said sorry.
00:55:37.000 Oh, sorry.
00:55:38.000 What is wrong to you?
00:55:41.000 No, and he's going to fix the problem.
00:55:43.000 Maybe that's you.
00:55:46.000 I'm fixing the problem by stopping it from spreading.
00:55:48.000 So that's both you.
00:55:50.000 No.
00:55:50.000 Because I don't think I'd get a rag and assist with a solution.
00:55:55.000 That's me right there.
00:55:56.000 Look at me.
00:55:56.000 Look up.
00:55:57.000 How many times have I had to do that?
00:55:58.000 Okay.
00:56:01.000 You didn't do so great.
00:56:02.000 Ben, Ben.
00:56:03.000 Ew!
00:56:04.000 Ben!
00:56:06.000 Uh.
00:56:09.000 Why do people say ooh?
00:56:10.000 I know this isn't your average Joe, but what's gross about an egg when you're about to eat it?
00:56:18.000 Cat, cat.
00:56:20.000 Thraw.
00:56:22.000 All right, last letter.
00:56:23.000 This one's called Done for a While.
00:56:24.000 It's a few down.
00:56:25.000 Haven't watched for months since I realized you're a pussy.
00:56:31.000 I turned my siblings onto your show years ago.
00:56:35.000 She texted me.
00:56:36.000 I guess his siblings went from a bunch of people to just one.
00:56:40.000 She texted me that Ryan quit and she was happy for him.
00:56:44.000 Maybe it's a joke.
00:56:46.000 So in that case, it's hysterical.
00:56:48.000 Dot, dot, dot.
00:56:50.000 Not.
00:56:51.000 Okay.
00:56:53.000 If not, good for Ryan.
00:56:55.000 You're, spelled wrong, old and boring.
00:56:59.000 Comma.
00:57:00.000 No need for a comma there.
00:57:01.000 And safe.
00:57:02.000 Sincerely, Z. Okay, one more.
00:57:08.000 You can't leave off on one of those.
00:57:12.000 This guy always writes in after I eat on the mic.
00:57:16.000 Now, after 24 hours, I have to eat at some point, right?
00:57:21.000 He says, if you fucking eat another meal into your microphone, I will cancel my sub.
00:57:27.000 I love that threat.
00:57:29.000 You know, when people thought that you quit, or maybe you did quit, there was eight people who were threatening to cancel their subs.
00:57:39.000 They didn't, but they threatened to.
00:57:42.000 Eight out of 25,000?
00:57:44.000 I don't care.
00:57:46.000 One out of 25,000.
00:57:48.000 You guys always do this.
00:57:49.000 You're like, I'm this close to canceling my sub.
00:57:51.000 Like, I'm going to be going, no, no, no, please stop, stop.
00:57:56.000 We lost more subs when I said, I don't like dogs.
00:58:01.000 What little sense do you have that you think people want to listen to your chewing?
00:58:06.000 It's in my fucking ears, and it's nasty fucking chewing, exclamation mark.
00:58:11.000 Get a cough, spelled C-A-U-G-H.
00:58:14.000 Get a cough button or figure something else or you can get fucked.
00:58:18.000 Bye-bye.
00:58:19.000 Thanks for calling.
00:58:20.000 Amazingly similar.
00:58:22.000 Excuse me.
00:58:22.000 Very similar tone to the first angry letter.
00:58:28.000 You didn't say wimpers would.
00:58:30.000 The Jeopardy game with Maddie.
00:58:32.000 What are you, a whimper?
00:58:32.000 Well, that one you actually.
00:58:33.000 I wim.
00:58:35.000 That one you didn't win.
00:58:37.000 Hey, Maddie, you want to pull up some hard words for us to spell and me and Gavin do a spelling bee?
00:58:42.000 No.
00:58:43.000 What?
00:58:43.000 Come on, man.
00:58:44.000 I can't.
00:58:45.000 Talk to him on your super.
00:58:47.000 I can't speak.
00:58:49.000 You just spoke.
00:58:50.000 We got calls.
00:58:52.000 Let's do some calls.
00:58:52.000 I don't hear any eating.
00:58:53.000 Let's do some calls.
00:58:54.000 I think we should do a story time.
00:58:56.000 I want to tell my New Orleans story.
00:58:58.000 Okay.
00:59:00.000 Who this?
00:59:01.000 Tom?
00:59:02.000 Oh, shit.
00:59:05.000 Oh, shit.
00:59:08.000 Bad news.
00:59:09.000 Bad news.
00:59:11.000 Oh, no.
00:59:12.000 Good news.
00:59:12.000 Good news.
00:59:15.000 Okay, we're out of time.
00:59:16.000 That's an hour's show.
00:59:17.000 Let's do the final video.
00:59:37.000 This dude is joking around with his friend.
00:59:43.000 And remember, just like I said earlier, I said earlier that they get rid of the patriarchy.
00:59:53.000 We're no longer in control.
00:59:54.000 We don't call the shots.
00:59:55.000 And they call their own shots.
00:59:56.000 And what do they do?
00:59:56.000 They maim themselves.
00:59:58.000 They also don't seem to have a limit to how far they will go in this self-maiming.
01:00:03.000 And as they self-maim, they self-harm, they, that's a good name for the show, self-harm.
01:00:09.000 As they self-harm, they get more and more indignant.
01:00:13.000 Like, remember that dude who said, it's ma'am.
01:00:16.000 Remember the guy at GameStop screaming?
01:00:18.000 Because the guy didn't purposely misgender it.
01:00:25.000 He could tell it was a dude.
01:00:27.000 Sorry, you have a pink sweatshirt on and slightly long hair.
01:00:31.000 So do lots of dudes.
01:00:32.000 And you are a dude, so I thought you were a dude.
01:00:34.000 Anyway, check out 9-2.
01:00:38.000 This guy with the...
01:00:40.000 So I forget what they're...
01:00:42.000 So he's at Auto Stop.
01:00:44.000 He's buying...
01:00:46.000 He's buying, I don't know, what is he buying?
01:00:49.000 Turn it up.
01:00:50.000 $10 on spark plugs or bank crash.
01:00:52.000 Spark plugs.
01:00:53.000 Driving face, zoom.
01:00:54.000 Say driving face.
01:00:55.000 Driving bait.
01:00:56.000 Oh, my God.
01:01:05.000 What?
01:01:07.000 Zoom in.
01:01:10.000 What is that ass?
01:01:11.000 Those have got to be balloons, right?
01:01:13.000 That can't be.
01:01:14.000 Or maybe it's some kind of underwear that has foam in it.
01:01:18.000 First of all, I refuse to believe that he's had an operation to make those.
01:01:22.000 I'm sorry.
01:01:22.000 No way.
01:01:24.000 And it can't be balloons because the second he'd sit down and they pop.
01:01:27.000 So he bought foam panties with an insane ass.
01:01:32.000 What is that?
01:01:38.000 Do you think you're attractive?
01:01:42.000 Look at that.
01:01:45.000 Bring back Archie Bunker right now.
01:01:48.000 And then 9-3, we get an update.
01:01:50.000 I think he's angry about his butt cheeks being on film.
01:01:59.000 It's too early in the morning for that.
01:02:02.000 Oh, my God.
01:02:04.000 Hey, yell out, dry-face for me.
01:02:08.000 I like, too, how they go, we're women, and the first thing they do is want to get aggressive and kick the shit out of you.
01:02:13.000 You know, like the way men do when they get ridiculed.
01:02:19.000 Like that dude, Zoe Tour, who was debating Ben Shapiro, and she said, you're going to go home in an ambulance.
01:02:27.000 Because Ben doubted the validity of the guy's femaleness.
01:02:32.000 And then everyone pointed out, you don't go home in an ambulance.
01:02:35.000 You go to the hospital in an ambulance.
01:02:37.000 Anyway, the worst thing for the oppressed, the unusual, the maligned, the oppressed groups, as they're called, is for us to get out of the way and let them handle their own business because it's like giving a five-year-old keys to the car.
01:02:55.000 They don't know how to drive.
01:02:56.000 And they're driving each other insane.
01:02:58.000 They're driving each other to suicidal decisions like cut your tits off.
01:03:04.000 So I'm afraid we're going to have to continue with the patriarchy for now because as we learned from pre-Christianity paganism, matriarchies lead to a lot of deaths, a lot of sacrificing babies, sacrificing virgins.
01:03:19.000 When everyone is right, nobody's right.
01:03:21.000 When everyone is racist, no one's racist.
01:03:22.000 When everyone is wrong, no one is wrong.
01:03:25.000 And a world without standards is no world at all.
01:03:30.000 So we're going to prevent them from ruining Earth.
01:03:34.000 And if that means we get in trouble or get fired, fine.
01:03:37.000 Get fired.
01:03:37.000 Get in trouble.
01:03:38.000 Be brave.
01:03:39.000 And never stop fighting.