Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S02E95 - THE BLACK ALBUM

00:00:03.000 I'm gonna do the worldwide.

00:00:05.000 But if we start from East and farm to west side, Octav Jungle, Alba, Zimbabwe, Angola, here we are.

00:00:14.000 Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.

00:00:38.000 Welcome.

00:00:39.000 We got all manner of things going on today on the show, you know.

00:00:42.000 I got Babylon closing out on me.

00:00:45.000 Erdella cuff and ragga jagat.

00:00:48.000 I like going to Jamaica.

00:00:50.000 I went there when my family was under siege for being in the bleeder of a hate group.

00:00:54.000 And my buddy Jeff lives there because he went there to get his head straight about five years ago and fucking stayed.

00:01:03.000 Jeff Jensen.

00:01:04.000 And now he just plays tennis.

00:01:06.000 He rents out his apartment.

00:01:08.000 So that's what he lives on in Jamaica because the dollar goes a lot farther.

00:01:12.000 He comes and checks on his apartment once in a while here in New York.

00:01:15.000 And then he just hangs around in Jamaica.

00:01:17.000 Being Jamaican.

00:01:19.000 Sometimes speaking in a yardy way, which I am not comfortable with.

00:01:24.000 I'd be like, why, why you want to vex me, Rastaman? 1.00

00:01:29.000 Jeff, please don't do that.

00:01:32.000 But I guess it's legit.

00:01:37.000 But yeah, it's fun to go down there.

00:01:39.000 It's similar to our culture, right?

00:01:41.000 They drink Guinness.

00:01:42.000 It's just Britain, really.

00:01:42.000 They like soccer.

00:01:45.000 And it's not that dangerous if you're a tourist.

00:01:47.000 They don't want to mess with tourism.

00:01:49.000 So yes, there's murders every day and there's curfews, but they don't mess with tourists, even in the most crime-ridden areas.

00:01:58.000 It's funny, last time I was there, he says, you know, you see the West is the best.

00:02:02.000 I don't think you include Jamaica in that.

00:02:03.000 And I go, well, I'm not.

00:02:04.000 I mean, tourist countries like in the Caribbean, they don't really exist outside of like a little bit of culture.

00:02:11.000 And he said, no, no, you're wrong.

00:02:13.000 Jamaica's got much more culture than anywhere in the West.

00:02:18.000 And it's superior here.

00:02:20.000 And as he was saying, it's superior here, we're in a taxi, and I can see behind him, it's just cinderblocks with rebar poking out.

00:02:27.000 Like all of Jamaica is just cinder blocks and rebar. 1.00

00:02:30.000 And he's telling me how awesome it is.

00:02:31.000 What's that?

00:02:34.000 That looks wonderful.

00:02:39.000 We usually rent a house there, so it comes with like servants.

00:02:42.000 But sometimes we stay at a resort.

00:02:44.000 And I remember the employees of the resort had to be escorted home with a man.

00:02:48.000 That's the law.

00:02:49.000 First of all, there's a curfew at nine, but then they have to be escorted home by a man because they will get carjacked if they're not.

00:02:56.000 One of my secret long-term bucket list plans is to do a documentary about Jamaican English, Jamaican patois, and Glaswegian, and maybe Puerto Rican Spanish.

00:03:09.000 Because they're all so far from their original language. 1.00

00:03:13.000 Tuvoir?

00:03:15.000 Look at these fucking animals.

00:03:16.000 Anyway, that song, Stepa, is by Buju Bantan.

00:03:21.000 He was huge in the 90s down there.

00:03:23.000 So it's sort of like grunge.

00:03:24.000 And I like going up to people my age and saying, hear me now, and singing something like, murder, blood is.

00:03:34.000 No, no, you know what one they like?

00:03:35.000 The homophobic one.

00:03:36.000 This was 1-4.

00:03:38.000 Okay, back when he was a fucking teenager, Bujo Bantan, the guy we just heard, he wrote a song called Boom Bye-Bye about batty boys. 0.82

00:03:47.000 Batty boys are homosexuals. 1.00

00:03:49.000 And it's all about killing gays. 1.00

00:03:53.000 Not very cool.

00:03:54.000 Not something we advocate here on the show.

00:03:57.000 But he was a teenager.

00:03:58.000 And in Kingston, there had just been this gay dude who had murdered a young boy.

00:04:04.000 And there was a lot of backlash there.

00:04:06.000 So that was the context of it.

00:04:08.000 But he's never recovered from that because he angered the velvet mafia, basically powerful gays in the music industry. 0.92

00:04:16.000 And even though this was, God knows, maybe even the 80s, he still has tours canceled.

00:04:22.000 and everyone's been out to get him ever since this song.

00:04:26.000 I gunshot me head back.

00:04:28.000 Gunshot.

00:04:30.000 It's like boom, bye, bye, in a body boy head.

00:04:35.000 Boombai buying the batty boy head. 1.00

00:04:39.000 We don't want them batty boys than half feet dead. 1.00

00:04:43.000 good jammer.

00:04:52.000 So I think that got the powers that be out to get him for a long time.

00:04:57.000 And he's written, he's like a hippie.

00:04:59.000 He's sort of the Bob.

00:05:00.000 I was going to say he's the Bob Marley of Jamaica.

00:05:02.000 Wow.

00:05:03.000 Isn't Bob Marley the Bob Marley of Jamaica?

00:05:06.000 But he is sort of our generation's Bob Marley.

00:05:08.000 Bob Marley is, I'm done with him.

00:05:12.000 But he had songs like that murderer one I saw is all about how you shouldn't kill people, dudes.

00:05:20.000 Murderer, blood is pun your shoulder. 0.80

00:05:23.000 Kill I today, you cannot kill I tomorrow This is What is this album?

00:05:32.000 Till Shiloh?

00:05:34.000 It's hit after hit.

00:05:35.000 I think it's way better than Legend.

00:05:36.000 Till Shiloh.

00:05:37.000 It's a jam.

00:05:38.000 It's a jazam.

00:05:49.000 Is he good?

00:05:51.000 That's pretty fun to listen to.

00:05:52.000 So Stepa, Stepa just means your buddy, your main dude.

00:05:56.000 My N-word.

00:05:58.000 I'm not allowed to say the word.

00:05:59.000 And I think he's this, He was sentenced to 10 years for possession and drug dealing.

00:06:07.000 And he was framed.

00:06:09.000 I'll get to that in a second.

00:06:10.000 But Stepa seems to be just like the song Murderer, where he's saying, yeah, your homeboy, right?

00:06:15.000 Yeah, your partner in crime.

00:06:16.000 You guys always got each other's backs.

00:06:19.000 And then you go kill people, and then you get killed and you die.

00:06:21.000 Stop it.

00:06:23.000 Turn it up.

00:06:33.000 This was the norm in the 90s with hip-hop.

00:06:36.000 Chuck D and Karis won, stop the violence.

00:06:38.000 We need to check ourselves.

00:06:41.000 And then it just became, no, it's actually Trump's fault.

00:06:44.000 White people made me kill 19 black men a day. 0.99

00:06:48.000 Again, that is the actual death rate in America.

00:06:51.000 I can't hear it.

00:06:59.000 So I think he only did seven years.

00:07:02.000 That's a long-ass time for a bullshit trumped-up charge.

00:07:05.000 Okay, you got to see this article in the Miami New Times called Bujo Banton is Innocent.

00:07:10.000 It tells the whole story of his drug possession.

00:07:12.000 Buju, like a lot of Rastaman, Pandagali, they can't really handle their booze. 1.00

00:07:18.000 So he's on some first-class flight on a tour to some other Caribbean island with this guy, this Colombian dude, Johnson.

00:07:28.000 What the hell is his name?

00:07:31.000 I'll find him in a second.

00:07:35.000 Okay, I can't find his name.

00:07:37.000 Junior?

00:07:38.000 Yeah, Junior Johnson.

00:07:40.000 Yeah, I'm trying to get the last name, but definitely Junior.

00:07:42.000 Yeah, Junior Johnson, until you get the right name.

00:07:45.000 So he's sitting on this flight, and he gets drunk, and this dude, I'm going to say Junior, they're talking shit, and he's getting wasted, and he's almost puking.

00:07:54.000 And he goes, yeah, I'm kind of a badass.

00:07:58.000 I get in all kinds of trouble.

00:08:00.000 I'm no ragamuffin.

00:08:01.000 I'm the real deal, you know.

00:08:04.000 And this junior guy's like, oh, yeah, that's cool.

00:08:07.000 Me too.

00:08:07.000 I'm a Coke dealer.

00:08:08.000 And Buja's like, yeah, me too, man.

00:08:11.000 Wasted, talking shit.

00:08:12.000 Like, they used to call, before they had dance hall, the name for these guys was like the Upman or something.

00:08:19.000 The half-step up, I forget what it is, but it was their job was to go to a party and talk everyone up, to bluff, to say, this is the fucking most rocking party ever.

00:08:28.000 Alex Johnson Jr.

00:08:29.000 That's his name.

00:08:31.000 Right?

00:08:31.000 Yep.

00:08:33.000 And so it's the culture to be a bullshitter.

00:08:35.000 You're not a liar.

00:08:36.000 You're a bullshitter.

00:08:38.000 And after they're done the flight, they keep corresponding with each other.

00:08:43.000 And yeah, Buju Banton likes it that he knows this dude in white suits who has lots of gold in his own airplane.

00:08:49.000 And he's like a badass criminal.

00:08:51.000 And that's good for Buju's sort of street culture.

00:08:55.000 So he starts bullshitting with the guy.

00:08:57.000 And the guy says, I do like 20 million in Coke sales a year.

00:09:01.000 And Buju's like, I do 50 million.

00:09:07.000 And so they start pushing this and they start wearing a wire because this guy, Junior Johnson, is a drug dealer who got caught by the government, then started working with not just the Jamaican authorities, but with the FBI and the CIA as a CI, as a confidential informant.

00:09:24.000 And get this.

00:09:26.000 He gets a commission.

00:09:28.000 So if he busts someone for $3 million, he gets, I don't know, $800,000?

00:09:34.000 I got it right here.

00:09:37.000 So he's excelled as a confidential informant working for the DEA, the FBI, and other national and local law enforcement agencies.

00:09:44.000 Johnson isn't paid a salary for this gig.

00:09:46.000 Rather, he gets a cut of the money seized in the bus he arranges.

00:09:50.000 It's like a commission.

00:09:51.000 And he's earned nearly $3.5 million in commission, basically entrapping dudes.

00:09:58.000 Enough to buy a plush home with a swimming pool for $890,000 within a secured gated community in Davie.

00:10:06.000 $890,000 in Jamaica is a lot of money.

00:10:09.000 So this guy basically convinced Buju to come to this drug dealer where they're looking at kilos.

00:10:16.000 So they pull into this garage, close the door.

00:10:18.000 The guy opens a trunk.

00:10:19.000 There's like three kilos of cocaine there.

00:10:21.000 This is all supplied by the CIA.

00:10:23.000 And Buju's shitting his pants.

00:10:26.000 He goes, wow, they called my bluff.

00:10:27.000 I'm in a Fast and Furious movie all of a sudden.

00:10:30.000 And they go, what do you think, Buju?

00:10:32.000 He doesn't want to be exposed as a fraud.

00:10:34.000 So he takes the knife and he cuts the bag and licks it.

00:10:37.000 And he's like, yeah, that's pretty good.

00:10:41.000 What you and I would do?

00:10:43.000 It'd be cool.

00:10:44.000 And then he, yeah, be cool, be chill.

00:10:46.000 And then he goes and sits and waits in the car.

00:10:48.000 He hasn't exchanged any money.

00:10:50.000 And the guy he was with, that it was ostensibly his partner, but it wasn't.

00:10:55.000 It was this con artist, CI, was holding a gun.

00:10:58.000 So Bujo gets blamed for that gun.

00:11:01.000 What?

00:11:02.000 So he gets possession and dealing drugs.

00:11:05.000 That's crazy.

00:11:06.000 Is that ABC News saying that They should have noticed the hole in the clock.

00:11:14.000 Like innocent Scarface.

00:11:17.000 So it's a racket.

00:11:18.000 And everyone in Jamaica knows this.

00:11:20.000 Everyone in Jamaica knows Buju Benton was innocent and he had been framed.

00:11:24.000 And I'm not even calling this a conspiracy theory.

00:11:26.000 This is not me going out on a limb.

00:11:28.000 You'll see this in the article.

00:11:33.000 But I'm going to go farther and say somehow the Velvet Mafia is involved.

00:11:39.000 Somehow there's some gay dude. 1.00

00:11:40.000 This is just a guess, this part.

00:11:42.000 This is my crazy part.

00:11:43.000 All of that stuff I just said is factual.

00:11:45.000 You can look it up.

00:11:46.000 But this is where I get crazy.

00:11:47.000 I think there's some homosexual in law enforcement, the top brass, the CI FBI, that had it out for Buju because of that song he recorded as a kid.

00:11:56.000 And it's always been, we need to get that son of a bitch. 0.95

00:11:59.000 Like, I don't even think it's a coincidence that Junior Johnson was sitting in that seat, that first-class seat, and telling him, plying him with booze, telling him red wine is for real men, which is not true.

00:12:10.000 You're thinking of Bourbon, Jr., or maybe Bud.

00:12:13.000 Not red wine.

00:12:15.000 Anyway, he got him shithoused and then got him bragging about what a badass drug dealer he is.

00:12:20.000 Buju Bantam was not a cocaine dealer.

00:12:22.000 He was framed.

00:12:23.000 He just got out and he's back to doing good stuff.

00:12:26.000 Anyway, that's my little brief history lesson on Buju.

00:12:30.000 Where's my pen?

00:12:31.000 I like to cross out the subjects when I'm done.

00:12:34.000 I got one for you.

00:12:37.000 Too late, Ryan.

00:12:38.000 You fucking.

00:12:39.000 I haven't watched your Ryan's mailbag show, but the word on the street is that it blew chunks.

00:12:44.000 From who?

00:12:45.000 A letter?

00:12:46.000 person.

00:12:47.000 He's a pretty Pretty good dude.

00:12:52.000 I heard some good things about it.

00:12:54.000 I told you in advance just to power through the letters, to be a letter slave, and only comment for 30 seconds because I was mad that you did 15 minutes of that song.

00:13:04.000 Oh, that's right, yes.

00:13:05.000 And you were like, no problem, boss.

00:13:06.000 I got it.

00:13:07.000 And then he always just, whoop, beep.

00:13:10.000 I don't like doing things alone, though.

00:13:12.000 My friend Josh was in town, and I figured if he read them, because I also heard that my reading stinks.

00:13:19.000 So if my concept was he reads, I comment baba baba.

00:13:25.000 Yeah.

00:13:25.000 I mean, we'll try one more with Larry when I'm here monitoring it, but that's two strikes.

00:13:31.000 Totally.

00:13:32.000 Three strikes you're out.

00:13:34.000 I don't want to do it alone.

00:13:35.000 I'd rather do it with Larry.

00:13:36.000 You know, because it just, I don't know.

00:13:39.000 Also in the news, forget about it.

00:13:44.000 Irishman sucks. 1.00

00:13:45.000 There, I said it.

00:13:46.000 Andrea Piser, who I've had disagreements with over the years.

00:13:50.000 I've been a longtime New York Post reader.

00:13:52.000 I'm up to 20 years now.

00:13:54.000 And she shot on some friends of mine a long time ago.

00:13:57.000 That's a whole other story.

00:13:58.000 But she's right.

00:14:00.000 It sucks.

00:14:01.000 You saw it?

00:14:02.000 I gave up after two and a half hours.

00:14:04.000 Oh, no.

00:14:05.000 I guess I'll watch the rest tonight.

00:14:07.000 It was cool seeing Jim Norton as Don Rickles.

00:14:10.000 Yeah, that's the only part I really want to see.

00:14:12.000 And Sebastian Maniscalco is some wise-ass, slick guy.

00:14:18.000 He's really good in it.

00:14:19.000 He's actually much better than most of them.

00:14:22.000 But the CGI on De Niro's face is beyond distracting.

00:14:27.000 Really?

00:14:28.000 And it looks like Tom Hanks in that rail, what's that?

00:14:32.000 Polar Express?

00:14:34.000 Oh, yeah.

00:14:34.000 He has that Seth McFarlane thing where this is all frozen.

00:14:37.000 Yeah, it literally looks like this.

00:14:39.000 Huh.

00:14:41.000 Hi, my forehead is a plate.

00:14:44.000 I have no features above the nose.

00:14:47.000 Hello, how are you today?

00:14:50.000 And the other weird thing, too, is that De Niro didn't look like that when he was young.

00:14:54.000 We've seen De Niro in Mean Streets.

00:14:57.000 We know what he looks like when he's young.

00:14:58.000 He doesn't look like a CGI polar bear from a Coca-Cola commercial.

00:15:04.000 Look at him.

00:15:05.000 It looks like he's got a big swab of plaster on his forehead.

00:15:09.000 This is in a dark room, by the way.

00:15:12.000 That looks really weird to me.

00:15:14.000 That's the best.

00:15:15.000 You'll see it.

00:15:16.000 Skip somewhere else.

00:15:18.000 Maybe go earlier.

00:15:19.000 And here's another really irritating thing about it.

00:15:22.000 They made his eyes blue, I guess, to show you that he's not Italian. 0.98

00:15:25.000 Yeah, that doesn't look.

00:15:26.000 Look at that.

00:15:26.000 Who are you?

00:15:27.000 I kept saying that.

00:15:28.000 My wife was like, will you shut up? 1.00

00:15:29.000 You're pulling me out of it.

00:15:30.000 And I was like, who are you?

00:15:32.000 Who is that person?

00:15:33.000 I don't know.

00:15:34.000 I don't know what that person is.

00:15:36.000 That should have been his name, like flat forehead McGillicut.

00:15:40.000 Yeah.

00:15:41.000 Weird face.

00:15:42.000 Hey, Flatty. 1.00

00:15:43.000 Hey, weird face.

00:15:44.000 I got a job for you.

00:15:45.000 Like, look at it.

00:15:46.000 This isn't even doing it justice.

00:15:48.000 It looks much worse than this on the big screen.

00:15:50.000 He's got like a Dick Tracy villain kind of vibe to it.

00:15:52.000 Totally.

00:15:53.000 Yes.

00:15:54.000 Obscure.

00:15:54.000 Yeah, it's something like out of the first Batman.

00:15:58.000 His nickname is Forehead.

00:16:00.000 Oh, that's another weird thing.

00:16:01.000 He divorces her in it.

00:16:03.000 We don't hear about it.

00:16:04.000 We just see him with a new wife one day.

00:16:06.000 I'm like, what the fuck happened here?

00:16:07.000 Like, Scorsese, you made a movie that spans someone's entire life and it's in real time.

00:16:14.000 Like, I'm old now.

00:16:15.000 I'm in the mob.

00:16:17.000 I was in the mob all last night.

00:16:19.000 I grew up there.

00:16:20.000 I delivered trucks.

00:16:21.000 I worked with Harvey Keitel.

00:16:23.000 I heard it was Pesci's favorite movie, though.

00:16:25.000 Pesci's good.

00:16:26.000 Pesci's best movie.

00:16:27.000 Pesci's good, but if I was his boss, I'd say, dude, you made this way too fucking long.

00:16:34.000 This is him meeting Joe Pesci.

00:16:39.000 Speaking of Taliano.

00:16:41.000 Look at his eyes.

00:16:42.000 That's a great example of his eyes.

00:16:45.000 He looks like something in a wall E. He's the Terminator.

00:16:51.000 Look at his eyes.

00:16:53.000 They glow in the dark.

00:16:54.000 Literally, look at that.

00:16:56.000 And they did it with Johnny Depp and Whitey Bulger.

00:17:00.000 Remember that movie?

00:17:01.000 Yes.

00:17:01.000 His eyes were like CGI swimming pools the whole movie.

00:17:05.000 And I just, I kept getting pulled out of it because he looks like a fucked up cyborg from Blade Runner 4.

00:17:11.000 The sequel, the mafia years.

00:17:15.000 So, and then my wife too, she goes, Jesus Christ, so much talking.

00:17:19.000 It's just Al Pacino sitting down with Robert De Niro talking.

00:17:22.000 I'm like, can someone kill someone, please?

00:17:26.000 There he is.

00:17:27.000 Look, he looks like a weird creature from like a Star Wars thing or Lord of the Rings.

00:17:32.000 He's like an elf man. 0.99

00:17:34.000 It's a vampire movie.

00:17:35.000 Yeah, he's the elf murderer vampire.

00:17:37.000 Moderate.

00:17:38.000 Blue-eyed swimming pool eyes.

00:17:40.000 Eyes.

00:17:41.000 Eyes.

00:17:42.000 Blue.

00:17:42.000 Let's see what Andrea Piser said.

00:17:44.000 I didn't actually read it.

00:17:47.000 There are two kinds of people in this world.

00:17:48.000 Those who think the Irishman, the Martin Scarcesi directed El Pacino, blah, blah, blah, a mega mob opera released last week is the finest piece of cinema produced in this century, maybe of all time.

00:17:57.000 And then there are people like me who think the movie weighing in in an obscene 209 minutes, every one of them boring, ill-acted, poorly written.

00:18:07.000 Here's the other thing.

00:18:09.000 With Robert De Niro's platehead, you don't get any expression because he's been CGI'd.

00:18:15.000 So, you know, you think of De Niro in Mean Streets.

00:18:19.000 What the fuck?

00:18:20.000 Or Cape Fear.

00:18:22.000 Hello, what does he call him?

00:18:23.000 The lawyer, commissioner.

00:18:25.000 Hello, barrister.

00:18:27.000 What does he say, attorney?

00:18:29.000 You don't know anything about him.

00:18:30.000 I've never seen Cape Fear.

00:18:33.000 Not only are you uneducated, you haven't seen like the basics.

00:18:36.000 Oh, there's Jim Norton.

00:18:37.000 He's great.

00:18:38.000 Could have been better, though.

00:18:39.000 I didn't exactly see Don Rickles there.

00:18:42.000 And you stand there and don't do anything, and a Mexican broad comes over with a wet rock. 1.00

00:18:48.000 See, it's okay to laugh.

00:18:49.000 I make fun of everybody.

00:18:50.000 That's why God put us on this earth to laugh.

00:18:53.000 I work everyone.

00:18:54.000 I make fun of blacks. 1.00

00:18:56.000 I make fun of Jews. 1.00

00:18:57.000 I work gypsies. 0.79

00:18:58.000 I work Italians.

00:18:59.000 Well, not those Italians. 1.00

00:19:05.000 Sebastian Manskelko there.

00:19:07.000 Can you catch that?

00:19:08.000 Be very careful about what you're doing.

00:19:10.000 Hello, right?

00:19:12.000 Did you catch that?

00:19:12.000 Sebastian.

00:19:13.000 Yeah.

00:19:14.000 Yeah.

00:19:16.000 So yeah, there's no expression there.

00:19:17.000 Do you know Seth McFarlane?

00:19:19.000 He has Botox in his forehead.

00:19:22.000 And when you watch him in that movie 101 Ways to Die in the West, he has the exact same problem.

00:19:30.000 Look up that movie, Seth McFarlane, 101 Ways to Die in the West, because he's got so much filler in his cheeks and forehead that, like, this is him scared.

00:19:38.000 Oh, no, and this is him mad.

00:19:40.000 Why you jerk?

00:19:41.000 And this is him crying, and then you have a normal homosexual, and Seth McFarlane is gay. 0.96

00:19:48.000 Look at him, you have a normal homosexual, like Neil Patrick Harris. 1.00

00:19:52.000 Look at his forehead, it is a dinner plate.

00:19:57.000 It's a hat.

00:20:00.000 Look, he almost got some wrinkles there.

00:20:02.000 Outlaws, angry drunk people, scorned hookers. 0.72

00:20:04.000 He looks like a cartoon.

00:20:06.000 He's got so much shit in his face.

00:20:08.000 He doesn't have any expression.

00:20:10.000 Everyone else has eyeballs every time I watch shit moving around.

00:20:14.000 He looks actually exactly like Robert De Niro.

00:20:19.000 You know cholera?

00:20:20.000 The black shit. 1.00

00:20:21.000 The black shit. 1.00

00:20:22.000 The latest offering in the Frontiers Disease of the Month Club.

00:20:25.000 And, and, even if you survive all those things, you know what else can kill you?

00:20:29.000 The fucking doctor.

00:20:30.000 The doctor can kill you.

00:20:31.000 I had a cold a couple years ago on there.

00:20:33.000 You don't get the idea.

00:20:34.000 Oh, you need an earna.

00:20:38.000 Amateurishly directed.

00:20:40.000 I'm not sure that's an adjective.

00:20:41.000 With CGI, I'm sorry, an adverb.

00:20:44.000 With CGI effects so demented, Big Mouth De Niro, who is 76, looks 90 rather than the intended blue-eyed 35 he's supposed to be.

00:20:55.000 It's a complete turkey.

00:20:57.000 Yeah.

00:20:59.000 I wanted, like, I love mobster movies.

00:21:01.000 This is when he's, that's his normal age.

00:21:04.000 So they didn't put too much on his face.

00:21:07.000 Nobody looks that way.

00:21:08.000 But yeah, sorry, I didn't finish my previous point.

00:21:09.000 Neil Patrick Harris in 100 Ways to Die in the West, he's got like features.

00:21:16.000 And when they're acting in a scene together, you see Gaylord Neil going, oh, oh, yeah.

00:21:22.000 And you go, oh, I get it.

00:21:23.000 You're conveying emotion.

00:21:24.000 And then you see Seth McFarlane going, what the hell's going on?

00:21:28.000 I don't even know what it is.

00:21:29.000 What is that filler?

00:21:30.000 Is it actual shit they put in your face?

00:21:32.000 Or does it just kill the muscles like Botox?

00:21:36.000 I don't know, but his eyes don't look human.

00:21:38.000 They look like little bean teddy bear bean.

00:21:41.000 Ooh, McFarlane?

00:21:42.000 Yeah.

00:21:42.000 Maybe he's not human.

00:21:44.000 And that goes back to what I was saying about the gays. 0.98

00:21:46.000 My buddy just sent me this video from Family Guy of Stewie and the Huey Dewey and the dog and the baby getting attacked by Indians.

00:21:56.000 And the mistake was that he'd gone back in time and given guns to the Indians.

00:21:59.000 And he goes, how does Seth McFarlane get away from all this politically incorrect shit on his show?

00:22:03.000 I mean, no one would get away with that.

00:22:04.000 And I'm like, Velvet Mafia. 0.71

00:22:07.000 He's a gay, and the gays cover each other's backs. 1.00

00:22:11.000 Is my theory.

00:22:12.000 That's my conspiracy.

00:22:13.000 Theory shit.

00:22:17.000 Yeah, what a, I'm not even looking forward to it.

00:22:19.000 I actually honestly, oh, that's the scene I was just talking about.

00:22:22.000 I actually honestly see watching The Rest of the Irishman as a homework assignment.

00:22:27.000 I'm dreading it, to be frank.

00:22:31.000 Also in the news, famous people are insane.

00:22:36.000 Laura Dern is basically you when it comes to knowing about things going on, so she hasn't heard of Baby Yoda.

00:22:43.000 Well, I've heard of Baby Yoda.

00:22:45.000 So she's out promoting some dumb fucking movie that sucks, I assume. 0.93

00:22:50.000 And the guy asks her, you know, imagine having this job.

00:22:55.000 Hi, Laura Dern.

00:22:56.000 Can I ask you the most boring, tedious questions imaginable?

00:22:59.000 Yeah, sure.

00:22:59.000 So working with those guys must have been great.

00:23:01.000 How'd you keep a straight face on the set?

00:23:03.000 Oh, it wasn't hard.

00:23:04.000 They're a really fun guy.

00:23:05.000 We're like a family.

00:23:06.000 Oh, I've never heard that before.

00:23:07.000 That's great.

00:23:08.000 Bye.

00:23:10.000 So he's actually, this is one of the more interesting things you could ask on the red carpet.

00:23:15.000 He says, so what do you think of Baby Yoda?

00:23:16.000 She's like, fuck, that doesn't make me look good if I don't know who Baby Yoda is. 0.99

00:23:19.000 He's probably one of these top rappers like Lil Pump or Post Malone.

00:23:25.000 I'm going to pretend that I travel in the same circles as him and I'm friends with him, but I don't really talk to him.

00:23:30.000 Oh, no.

00:23:31.000 Seen Baby Yoda?

00:23:33.000 Yes, I did.

00:23:34.000 What do you think about Baby Yoda?

00:23:35.000 It's today.

00:23:36.000 What do you think about him?

00:23:37.000 I saw him.

00:23:37.000 I don't know if it's a him or she.

00:23:40.000 I don't know, but I think he was at a basketball game.

00:23:45.000 That's all I'm going to say.

00:23:50.000 I think I saw him at a basketball game.

00:23:52.000 That's with his weird gay face, by the way. 1.00

00:23:55.000 He has like a beak.

00:23:56.000 Gays are mean as hell. 1.00

00:23:58.000 He gave her nothing.

00:23:58.000 He didn't laugh.

00:23:59.000 He was like, you're not.

00:24:00.000 Go back.

00:24:01.000 Look at his face.

00:24:02.000 Like, he has like a parrot jaw.

00:24:03.000 Now I'm obsessed with faces.

00:24:06.000 What are we doing to ourselves as a nation?

00:24:10.000 Look at his smile.

00:24:13.000 And look at him retracting his head like that.

00:24:15.000 He's a bird.

00:24:17.000 He's a weird parakeet.

00:24:19.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:24:21.000 I see the beak.

00:24:24.000 I think I saw him at a basketball game.

00:24:27.000 I think I just saw like a sesame seed pop out of his mouth.

00:24:29.000 Hey, keep going.

00:24:30.000 You cut it early.

00:24:34.000 Oh, no, you didn't.

00:24:34.000 I'm sorry.

00:24:37.000 So that's important.

00:24:38.000 And speaking of insane people, I meant to address this a long time ago, but it got caught, got lost in the shuffle.

00:24:45.000 And comparing it to Laura Dern is another example where, and I think, what's his name?

00:24:50.000 E3H?

00:24:51.000 H3H3, Ethan Hawk.

00:24:53.000 Not Ethan Hawk.

00:24:55.000 Ethan H3 was talking about this.

00:24:56.000 Famous people are mental patients.

00:24:58.000 They're fucking stupid and weird.

00:25:00.000 And when someone is constantly licking your ass, no matter what's on it, you start going, my shit don't stink. 0.98

00:25:08.000 I'm actually kind of amazing.

00:25:10.000 And every little quirk I say, people crack up.

00:25:14.000 My take on things is really fun.

00:25:17.000 I know I do this for a living, but I'm aware that I'm not the cutest thing to ever open its mouth.

00:25:25.000 I'm not the rapper baby Yoda.

00:25:29.000 But Matthew McConaughey doesn't know that.

00:25:32.000 This is what happens when you're surrounded with female assistants who think you're a god. 1.00

00:25:36.000 When people come to my page, I want them to see me.

00:25:41.000 Look, this is my first venture into sharing myself and my views with the world.

00:25:49.000 And I'm a little bit nervous about it.

00:25:51.000 I used to like him because he's Christian and shit. 1.00

00:25:55.000 I know I want to have a monologue.

00:25:56.000 I'm not sure I want to have the dialogue.

00:25:59.000 But I've learned it.

00:26:01.000 Can you see them all laughing when he says that stupid.

00:26:04.000 What is that?

00:26:04.000 A pun?

00:26:05.000 It's wordplay of some sort.

00:26:09.000 Got a movie.

00:26:10.000 A rhyme.

00:26:11.000 The dialogue to have the monologue, just as you have to have a monologue to have the dialogue.

00:26:16.000 Well, no, you don't.

00:26:18.000 I'm looking forward to sharing who I am with you.

00:26:20.000 I'm looking forward to who I am translates.

00:26:24.000 If what I want to share translates.

00:26:25.000 No.

00:26:26.000 If it tickles your phony bone.

00:26:28.000 You just ruined Matthew McConaughey for me.

00:26:30.000 I used to like you.

00:26:31.000 If it makes you take a quiet moment for a walk and go, I got to check in with the M and the E. Hopefully all those things. 0.96

00:26:38.000 Let's have some fun with it, though.

00:26:39.000 And let's, again, let's keep this high.

00:26:42.000 Let's see the high, not the low.

00:26:43.000 I'm seeing the low, dude, really clearly.

00:26:45.000 Did he just say, I go for a walk?

00:26:47.000 And then I think, I better check in on the M and the M?

00:26:50.000 The M and the E, me.

00:26:52.000 The M and the E? 0.97

00:26:53.000 Does he mean me, Gavin, or him?

00:26:57.000 Well, the Y and the O and the O and the U, you.

00:27:00.000 Because he's talking about you're me, and you're me is you to him.

00:27:04.000 You know, the older you get, the more you realize no one knows what the fuck they're talking about.

00:27:08.000 Like when I was on that tour in Colonial Williamsburg and I go, what was the prominent religion here?

00:27:11.000 And he's like, well, a lot of people would get more religious later in life when they realize they're going to die.

00:27:16.000 Yeah, I mean, that's true of all of Earth, sir.

00:27:19.000 You don't know what you're fucking talking about.

00:27:22.000 I mean, maybe surgeons.

00:27:24.000 Maybe car mechanics.

00:27:27.000 Otherwise, everyone's just...

00:27:29.000 Yeah, no, that's...

00:27:31.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:27:32.000 I know him.

00:27:33.000 Plays play basketball with him.

00:27:34.000 He's a good, good guy.

00:27:35.000 I hope he stopped tattooing his face, though, because that is looking pretty, pretty, pretty ridiculous.

00:27:45.000 Also in the news, remember I told you the end is nigh?

00:27:50.000 I think I texted Owen Benjamin and said, you're next, my friend.

00:27:53.000 And he said, which channels?

00:27:54.000 I didn't know he had a bunch of channels.

00:27:56.000 I said, they're all done.

00:28:00.000 Will you do your Owen Benjamin imitation?

00:28:02.000 Yeah.

00:28:03.000 I'm just a little bummed out that my channels are gone.

00:28:06.000 Go back to the main picture with him and now just do his voice.

00:28:12.000 So we can rip off Aaron Berg.

00:28:14.000 Yeah, I should do that.

00:28:16.000 I'm just like entertaining my bears.

00:28:18.000 And I'm getting over the fact that I got de-platformed again.

00:28:26.000 What are you doing?

00:28:27.000 I had to reset the video because I played it.

00:28:29.000 Hi, everybody.

00:28:30.000 I just want to say from the bottom of my heart, I deeply appreciate...

00:28:36.000 Just from my heart.

00:28:37.000 I really appreciate all the support you guys have been giving me.

00:28:41.000 YouTube, as you may or may not know, has taken down both my channels.

00:28:44.000 And their reason was they didn't have a reason, which is fine.

00:28:47.000 We will fight them.

00:28:49.000 But the good news is, we're still crushing.

00:28:52.000 And I just made my wife laugh. 1.00

00:28:56.000 She's like, I'm sorry I have to go through this, baby.

00:28:58.000 I was like, I take it as a badge of honor.

00:29:01.000 It's like getting kicked out of a gay bar.

00:29:05.000 It's like, come with me, sir.

00:29:07.000 You're not allowed in butt pumps anymore. 0.98

00:29:09.000 You just don't fit in.

00:29:12.000 You know, there's a little sting, but I'm already over it.com.

00:29:18.000 Dlive.tv slash Owen Benjamin Comedy and unauthorized.tv.

00:29:22.000 We've had a few hundred unauthorized subscriptions in the last hour or so.

00:29:27.000 Keep it up.

00:29:28.000 I love you guys.

00:29:30.000 There's a little sting.

00:29:31.000 And by the way, Little Sting is opening up for Baby Yoda.

00:29:34.000 They're on tour together.

00:29:36.000 Not bad.

00:29:37.000 1-9, he put up this comment on his Instagram, which I think is the only thing he has left.

00:29:42.000 Why does he get an Instagram?

00:29:44.000 I don't get no Instagram.

00:29:45.000 Shit.

00:29:46.000 Shit.

00:29:46.000 Never see him post no pancake.

00:29:48.000 What's so dangerous about Owen Benjamin isn't what he's saying.

00:29:50.000 It's that no one is controlling him.

00:29:52.000 He has audience and influence, and no one knows him.

00:29:55.000 Wait, no one owns him.

00:29:57.000 He's proving writers, filmmakers, comedians, and musicians don't need Hollywood anymore, that it was always Hollywood that needed us.

00:30:05.000 I thought that was an interesting take because really the purge, the conservative purge, and we're not just saying this with YouTube, is about Trump supporters who are charming or have influence.

00:30:16.000 Richard Spencer, David Duke, not a problem.

00:30:19.000 But anyone like Proud Boys who makes it look fun to be patriotic, the globalists can't have that because that's nationalism and nationalism is the opposite of globalism.

00:30:31.000 By the way, that dude I was making fun of yesterday, the Mexican guy, he emailed me again.

00:30:35.000 He goes, you stupid idiot, you didn't get it.

00:30:38.000 In my letter, I said that illegals would be better off here than they are in Mexico, and you didn't argue against that. 1.00

00:30:46.000 I'm not arguing against that.

00:30:47.000 That's why I used my house as an analogy.

00:30:50.000 Yes, homeless people would be better off in my home, in my guest home, than they would be on the street.

00:30:56.000 But if I do that, then there's two homeless people, and now I have 10 homeless people in my house.

00:31:00.000 My home is wrecked, and there's still homeless people outside.

00:31:03.000 No one is saying it's not better for illegals to be here than with the cartels. 0.94

00:31:08.000 The question is, how wide can we open our hands?

00:31:10.000 And being the country that accepts more immigrants than all other countries combined, I think our arms are a little wide. 1.00

00:31:17.000 A little wide.

00:31:19.000 We could assume that we're giving a lot of ex-cartel murderers a second chance by coming here and welcoming them into, but we wouldn't have that same empathy for our prisoners or anything.

00:31:30.000 Like rehabilitating.

00:31:32.000 I don't even like these missionaries who go introducing Christianity to shithole countries. 1.00

00:31:38.000 Go introduce it to the south side of Chicago and Baltimore.

00:31:41.000 Go show them the beauty of Christianity.

00:31:43.000 By the way, everyone, I'm sure you've noticed Ryan's shirts.

00:31:47.000 I keep fucking accidentally washing all my favorite shirts, my Pendleton wool shirts, my wool-rich shirts.

00:31:54.000 I mean, you'd have to be stupid to see the word wool in the title and then put it in the dryer.

00:32:00.000 But because Ryan is the size of baby Yoda, he's able to wear my shirts.

00:32:06.000 And now he has two of my favorite shirts forever.

00:32:09.000 That really rules.

00:32:09.000 Look at that.

00:32:12.000 Show everyone.

00:32:13.000 Why don't you stand up and do the wide?

00:32:14.000 Okay.

00:32:15.000 The wide.

00:32:17.000 Wadang ding. 0.58

00:32:19.000 Look at that great shirt.

00:32:21.000 What the fuck's the white thing?

00:32:22.000 Oh, that's a pen.

00:32:24.000 And then show them the elbows to maybe turn around.

00:32:27.000 Look at that.

00:32:28.000 You want to go put on the other one I gave you?

00:32:31.000 I don't have it with me.

00:32:32.000 What do you mean?

00:32:33.000 I didn't have it with me.

00:32:34.000 I put it in my book bag, but I took it out when I got home.

00:32:36.000 What do you mean, home?

00:32:40.000 Upstate?

00:32:42.000 No, no, at the apartment.

00:32:43.000 Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

00:32:45.000 Okay, but I gave it to you in the studio.

00:32:47.000 Yeah, I didn't leave it at the studio.

00:32:49.000 No, I took it home.

00:32:49.000 That's quite logical.

00:32:50.000 All right, speaking of logic, if you recall, 90 Day Fiancé had, I'm going to say, the most pathetic human being I've ever come across in my life.

00:33:01.000 And it was a big hit with the viewers at home.

00:33:04.000 It made our great episode that was the Monday app that was so good it made Tuesday suck.

00:33:09.000 And so I want to bring back the wonderment that was Monday's show by dipping our toes back into the Caesar pool.

00:33:16.000 Now, what I didn't know is this is ancient news, and there's tons and tons of footage out there about Caesar, including Maria talking about denying that she's received 40 grand, her defending herself, which I'm on board with, saying, whatever, I'm not married.

00:33:31.000 What do you want me to do?

00:33:34.000 And his boss loaning him money so he can take her to Mexico and make her wear edible panties while they drink champagne and he beats her with a whip.

00:33:57.000 Hey guys, Caesar's back.

00:33:59.000 Now this is kind of ancient news to people who watch 90 Day Fiancé.

00:34:02.000 I love this show, but I don't really get to watch it much.

00:34:05.000 I'm a busy man.

00:34:07.000 So this is not where you come for breaking news.

00:34:09.000 I'm sorry, I only just discovered this guy, Caesar.

00:34:12.000 I discovered him on a Reddit cringe thing, not even from the show.

00:34:16.000 But our viewers are very happy with how pathetic this fucking loser is.

00:34:21.000 And they keep sending us updates.

00:34:23.000 And then, you know, you go to YouTube and you get in a black hole.

00:34:25.000 Anyway, I've parsed through like 900 videos of Caesar.

00:34:30.000 And these, I think, are the three most relevant ones to keep you up to date as far as what happened since you saw the last video.

00:34:40.000 So here he is at Aloha, which isn't in Hawaii.

00:34:42.000 It's in Jacksonville, Florida.

00:34:45.000 Oh, South Carolina.

00:34:45.000 South Carolina.

00:34:46.000 Jacksonville, South Carolina.

00:34:49.000 Beautiful, beautiful state.

00:34:52.000 You know, he could have such a great life with some girl in his league that's like his age, doing nails, just going out for beers, keeping all his money.

00:35:03.000 Things could be so good for him.

00:35:04.000 But anyway, he's decided to take her up on her offer to go to Mexico where they can both be together.

00:35:10.000 In Mexico.

00:35:12.000 But I'm broke.

00:35:13.000 The only way that I can make this work is asking for a loan from my boss.

00:35:17.000 Grossest job in the world.

00:35:18.000 Hey, what's up, man?

00:35:18.000 How you been?

00:35:20.000 What's going on?

00:35:20.000 What's up?

00:35:21.000 I'm a guy who belongs in a nail shop.

00:35:22.000 I own it.

00:35:23.000 And I just got off the boat.

00:35:25.000 Of course, soon I'll be living, I'll have a whole chain of these and I'll be living in the burbs, you know, elevating myself, moving up the ladder.

00:35:32.000 You, however, are living the worst of my life right now.

00:35:38.000 She doesn't want to go to Ukraine.

00:35:40.000 She wants to go to Mexico. 0.55

00:35:42.000 She's saying that if we go to Ukraine, it's going to be too cold.

00:35:46.000 But I wanted to ask you a favor, though.

00:35:49.000 Yeah.

00:35:50.000 I need some money so I could fly to Mexico.

00:35:55.000 Man, I don't know.

00:35:57.000 You've been wasting a lot of money.

00:36:00.000 How much is sending her a month now? 0.99

00:36:01.000 I sound like around like $800, $80,000.

00:36:04.000 $900 a month.

00:36:05.000 That's a lot of money.

00:36:06.000 I'm just saying, you know, it's...

00:36:12.000 See, just this is the importance of friends.

00:36:15.000 This is why bar culture is so important.

00:36:18.000 And if you go to Britain, you can see pub culture dying.

00:36:22.000 And that's the end of Britain.

00:36:23.000 This is how communities stayed together.

00:36:25.000 They're more than church in the UK.

00:36:28.000 And it's also an integral part of our history.

00:36:29.000 You know, the reason that we have America is because we would meet in these taverns and the British government said, hey, guys, learn how to use guns and start your own militias.

00:36:38.000 And we'll pay you free beer at the tavern if you come to these gun lessons.

00:36:42.000 And they went, okay.

00:36:43.000 And then after a while, they go, A, these are awesome.

00:36:46.000 And B, why don't we just say this is our country now, bitch? 1.00

00:36:51.000 So pubs unify Britain and taverns unify America.

00:36:56.000 This guy clearly doesn't hang out in bars.

00:36:58.000 And so the only buddy he has is his boss.

00:37:02.000 And by the way, little side note here.

00:37:05.000 The producers are clearly paying for this.

00:37:07.000 They just made up a fake scene and they said, here's $900.

00:37:10.000 Can you give it to him and pretend you're loaning it to him?

00:37:12.000 Because the owner of this nail salon would never loan Caesar money for this stupid bitch and his Kakamimi trip to Mexico. 1.00

00:37:21.000 For five years now, he's the best guy.

00:37:24.000 He's the best worker.

00:37:24.000 He's the best friend.

00:37:26.000 And all this time, five years, he'd been dating Maria.

00:37:29.000 She tried to skip out every time that he tried to meet her.

00:37:34.000 I know.

00:37:34.000 I'm not dating.

00:37:36.000 Do you think it's a coincidence he got a job there five years ago and started talking to her five years ago?

00:37:41.000 Or did he get the job to support this nonsense?

00:37:44.000 No, I think the Asian chick that he was with since high school got him a job there because she worked there. 1.00

00:37:50.000 And then when she dumped him, he was so devastated that he went to Anastasia and they were like, come on in, moron.

00:37:58.000 Go ahead.

00:38:01.000 See, my freaking dating with five, six guy on the computer at the same time.

00:38:05.000 Yes.

00:38:05.000 Are you sure it's not a catfish?

00:38:07.000 Why is he trying to hide away from you?

00:38:10.000 You work hard, man, for your money.

00:38:12.000 Everybody in here, okay?

00:38:14.000 Your coworker, everybody, they have the same mind thinking as I do.

00:38:18.000 Oh, not just your coworkers.

00:38:19.000 Earth.

00:38:21.000 Every single person in the fucking world but you has the same mindset, which is get out of there, you boob. 0.99

00:38:28.000 They say, what happened if it doesn't work?

00:38:31.000 It's not going to happen like that.

00:38:33.000 I know inside my heart, what's going to happen.

00:38:35.000 Oh, man.

00:38:35.000 What?

00:38:36.000 You're hurting.

00:38:37.000 Maria, she's real.

00:38:38.000 You can't suck it.

00:38:39.000 We're going to get married.

00:38:41.000 Gonna get married?

00:38:42.000 Trust me, I got it all together, man.

00:38:43.000 However, I will let you down.

00:38:44.000 I never let you down.

00:38:45.000 No, you keep letting you down, dumbass.

00:38:49.000 You know, I'm starting to think that there's nothing wrong with this.

00:38:52.000 My uncle was a homosexual and he was closeted his whole life. 0.97

00:38:55.000 We didn't really find it.

00:38:56.000 I always had a sense, but we didn't find it for sure till after he died and we saw his pictures and like, here I am in San Francisco.

00:39:03.000 And my dad always knew he was gay.

00:39:05.000 always said that he had sussed it out.

00:39:07.000 But I remember there was some dude that my uncle was paying off, like giving him, I don't know, 20 pounds a month.

00:39:16.000 Whoa, what happened to me there?

00:39:17.000 Oh, I vanished.

00:39:19.000 I disappeared.

00:39:20.000 All right, there we go.

00:39:22.000 That was my dead uncle from the afterlife fucking with me.

00:39:26.000 Shracking, don't be fucking mediculous, all right?

00:39:28.000 No one cares that you were gay. 1.00

00:39:30.000 Maybe in the 50s or the 60s, but this is well into the 80s and 90s.

00:39:34.000 You could have had a great life with Cox Galore. 0.98

00:39:36.000 Why'd you waste your bloody time living with your ma, you stupid cunt? 1.00

00:39:40.000 That was absolutely ridiculous.

00:39:43.000 And to start sabotaging my show for what?

00:39:46.000 Telling the truth?

00:39:47.000 No one knows you, pal.

00:39:49.000 There's no impact here.

00:39:50.000 No one's going, uh-oh, Strachan's fucking legacy has been marred.

00:39:54.000 You fucked your own life up.

00:39:56.000 Don't mess with my computers.

00:39:59.000 Sorry about that.

00:40:02.000 And so I said to my dad, yeah, I think someone's extorting Strachan.

00:40:06.000 And he's giving, like, I don't know, 50 pounds to some guy that he made out with that is going to like expose him.

00:40:14.000 Now, I got guys in Glasgow.

00:40:15.000 If there's one thing Glasgow can do, it's violence.

00:40:18.000 Let's take care of this guy.

00:40:20.000 And my dad said, oh, fuck it.

00:40:23.000 You know, he's happy.

00:40:25.000 He's got money.

00:40:26.000 He's no one to leave it to.

00:40:28.000 And if this is part of his life and he gets some sort of clandestine thrill from being extorted, it's supply and demand.

00:40:36.000 So we just dropped it.

00:40:38.000 And I'm starting to think the same way about this booger clown. 0.99

00:40:43.000 He's derived a lot of joy from this ridiculous grift.

00:40:48.000 He masturbates to her three times a day.

00:40:50.000 He's got over his Asian girlfriend.

00:40:52.000 Yes, he spent a fortune, but people, I spend a fortune on booze because it makes me feel good.

00:41:00.000 I don't know if I've spent $40,000, but maybe.

00:41:04.000 Maybe.

00:41:05.000 I mean, a maker's is $12.

00:41:09.000 It'll be all right.

00:41:12.000 I mean, I can't give you money all the time.

00:41:16.000 How about never?

00:41:17.000 But I'll help you this time, but that's it.

00:41:20.000 I'll help you this time for your Mexico trip where you're going to meet her, fall in love, then get married, and he'll propose in Mexico. 0.85

00:41:27.000 Spoiler alert, he brought a ring.

00:41:31.000 To go see her, and I wouldn't want to shatter it.

00:41:36.000 I just hope that this.

00:41:38.000 Dude, you can't shatter it.

00:41:39.000 He is the scary Perry of dating.

00:41:42.000 No matter how absurd this grift gets, he will keep coming back for more.

00:41:48.000 All right, that's enough.

00:41:49.000 Does this get better?

00:41:51.000 So no.

00:41:52.000 So he's just borrowing money.

00:41:53.000 Do they show him flying?

00:41:55.000 He gets a ticket.

00:41:57.000 Yeah, he does go to the hotel here.

00:42:00.000 I mean, the airport, excuse me.

00:42:03.000 Love you, my husband.

00:42:05.000 That's a nice shirt.

00:42:12.000 That's old footage they're using.

00:42:13.000 Yeah.

00:42:14.000 I love you.

00:42:15.000 Do not reverse image.

00:42:15.000 I love you and miss you.

00:42:17.000 That's the problem with these TLC shows, too.

00:42:18.000 They'll take like five minutes of footage and just stretch it out and repeat it until you've seen it nine million times.

00:42:23.000 All right, so that's enough of that one.

00:42:24.000 Do not reverse image search this picture, please.

00:42:27.000 Bye.

00:42:28.000 No, she exists.

00:42:29.000 We've looked her up.

00:42:30.000 She does exist.

00:42:31.000 And she's just, she just basically says what I just said, which is, yeah, it's a hustle.

00:42:36.000 I have a bunch of these guys.

00:42:38.000 And, you know, I make money from it.

00:42:41.000 He's not my boyfriend.

00:42:42.000 I'm not married.

00:42:43.000 So what the fuck?

00:42:44.000 And you sort of go.

00:42:46.000 All right, Sean King.

00:42:48.000 You are a black guy. 0.96

00:42:49.000 You win.

00:42:53.000 Hey, I made it.

00:42:55.000 I'm number one.

00:42:56.000 North Carolina, sorry.

00:42:57.000 North Carolina.

00:42:58.000 Even better.

00:42:59.000 Less hot.

00:43:02.000 Wait, is he frozen?

00:43:04.000 What happened there?

00:43:05.000 Wait a minute.

00:43:06.000 What happened?

00:43:06.000 Was that a cardboard cutout?

00:43:08.000 Is he catfishing me now?

00:43:13.000 He's terrified of birds.

00:43:17.000 My life is ruined now.

00:43:20.000 So this is him.

00:43:21.000 Just pause.

00:43:22.000 So this is him.

00:43:23.000 He's arrived in Mexico and his life is ruined because she didn't show.

00:43:27.000 But the reason, the whole reason we're doing this whole update is based on one thing, and that is that he has edible panties in his luggage.

00:43:38.000 Let's start using that as an expression.

00:43:42.000 It means that you're lost and you're off on a tangent.

00:43:45.000 Like, dude, you got edible panties in your luggage.

00:43:46.000 There's no way it's going to happen.

00:43:49.000 You're never going to make it.

00:43:50.000 Say he walks in here.

00:43:51.000 He's got edible panties in his luggage.

00:43:53.000 He thinks he's going to be fucking her forever.

00:43:56.000 Dude, take the edible panties out of your luggage. 1.00

00:43:58.000 She doesn't like you.

00:44:00.000 Dude, this is leading into disaster.

00:44:02.000 I see you online buying edible panties right now.

00:44:05.000 Yeah.

00:44:05.000 Like, I can just see me when you're with that Texan girl I want you to get together with.

00:44:10.000 And I'm sort of massaging your shoulders and I'm like, get in there, buddy.

00:44:13.000 You got edible panties in your luggage.

00:44:15.000 You can do this.

00:44:16.000 Actually, that's not good because you're going to get dumped.

00:44:19.000 Edible panties.

00:44:19.000 Yeah.

00:44:20.000 I've already ruined the colloquialism.

00:44:21.000 You've only been using it for 20 seconds.

00:44:23.000 Well, it'll find its wings.

00:44:24.000 My last day in Mexico, and I'm ready to go home because I'm just really, really miserable right now.

00:44:31.000 Marie didn't show up.

00:44:33.000 She broke up with me.

00:44:35.000 Maybe somebody.

00:44:40.000 So does that mean it's over?

00:44:42.000 Is that it?

00:44:42.000 Was it over when?

00:44:43.000 It's over.

00:44:44.000 It's always been over.

00:44:46.000 Oh.

00:44:47.000 Single tear.

00:44:48.000 That was a good tear, by the way.

00:44:50.000 Guys, I don't like men crying, but I think that's an okay time to cry, right? 0.99

00:44:56.000 That Clinicewood movies and movies of military guys coming home.

00:45:00.000 But if a man is going to cry, you never want to have that.

00:45:03.000 You can't ugly face cry.

00:45:04.000 Just stand there as a tear goes.

00:45:09.000 It's called reality, Caesar.

00:45:11.000 I want to put that on the video.

00:45:12.000 He doesn't Caesar.

00:45:15.000 He sees nothing.

00:45:16.000 Non-seer.

00:45:17.000 I've never been hurt like this before in my life.

00:45:19.000 Now you Caesar?

00:45:20.000 Now you don't.

00:45:22.000 Okay, pause.

00:45:24.000 All right.

00:45:24.000 This is why.

00:45:26.000 What is that?

00:45:27.000 Candy?

00:45:28.000 Posting pouch?

00:45:29.000 Yeah.

00:45:30.000 Dude, I think some of these are for him.

00:45:33.000 So she eats the edible men's underwear off of his cock and balls. 0.99

00:45:39.000 Now, I'm a very open guy sexually, especially in a consensual loving relationship, you know, and it's not in an alleyway.

00:45:48.000 So I'm not against edible panties or whatever that is, a candy pouch.

00:45:53.000 But like, I've been having sex with my wife for 20 years now.

00:45:57.000 We're nowhere near edible pouches.

00:46:01.000 Like, that is so advanced.

00:46:04.000 And doesn't he also, you said he also has a whip in this?

00:46:06.000 Yeah.

00:46:07.000 Like, S and M in a relationship, I am totally for whatever floats your boat.

00:46:11.000 But that's like, I don't, I know of maybe three couples in my life that get into like bondage and like it's a really big deal.

00:46:21.000 You are very comfortable with that person.

00:46:24.000 You're very sexually advanced.

00:46:25.000 You two almost have this like celestial bond.

00:46:31.000 It's almost like masturbating.

00:46:33.000 You guys are sex experts.

00:46:37.000 And even the horniest, sluttiest couples, you're probably not going to get to like edible underwear and whips.

00:46:42.000 Even if you were like previously a sex worker, you're probably not going to get into that until, I don't know, the first like year of having sex three times a day.

00:46:51.000 So my point here is Caesar's jumping the gun just a little bit with all of that edible gear.

00:46:58.000 Look at it.

00:46:58.000 It's a third of his suitcase.

00:47:02.000 It really is.

00:47:05.000 And also, shouldn't you take him out the box?

00:47:08.000 I guess he wants to show that they're fresh.

00:47:10.000 Yeah.

00:47:10.000 They're actually not that fresh.

00:47:11.000 The corners on this one seem a little ragged.

00:47:14.000 He's going to get hungry on the way back home, and those things are going to get munched.

00:47:18.000 No, but look at these.

00:47:19.000 Like, that takes a lot of wear and tear for the corners to go white.

00:47:22.000 This could have been in a bargain bin for years.

00:47:26.000 And it was like, buy five, get one free.

00:47:28.000 And he's like, okay, fuck.

00:47:31.000 I'm feeling really terrible right now.

00:47:35.000 Well, that's the engagement ring.

00:47:38.000 Nope.

00:47:41.000 I wanted to leave Mexico with the fiancé, but now I'm leaving Mexico alone with my tiny almond of a brain.

00:47:52.000 Just all alone now.

00:47:55.000 I want to buy her engagement ring with a diamond as big as my brain.

00:47:58.000 Tell everyone in Jacksonville what happened because everyone's just going to say Caesar.

00:48:02.000 Wait, go back.

00:48:05.000 He has a bottle of champagne in his bag that he packed.

00:48:08.000 You shouldn't do that.

00:48:08.000 That's getting rattled around in there.

00:48:11.000 You can buy champagne in Mexico, my friend.

00:48:13.000 But where's my whip, Ryan?

00:48:15.000 You promised me a whip.

00:48:18.000 I hope the guys in the next studio can't hear me say that.

00:48:24.000 Oh, I spied a whip.

00:48:25.000 Okay.

00:48:26.000 I don't.

00:48:26.000 I think you might have been seeing the handle of the champagne.

00:48:29.000 I think you thought that was a whip.

00:48:31.000 Like a fog or something.

00:48:32.000 And also, can I just interrupt this for a second?

00:48:34.000 There's a strange twist going on here because in another video we saw, he calls up to see what's going on with the ticket and they said it was insufficient funds.

00:48:44.000 So I think it's possible that he's so dim-witted that he bought him and her a ticket and a hotel and it was, you know, let's say 4,500 bucks and he had $3,000 in his bank account.

00:48:57.000 And he just sort of went, what?

00:48:59.000 Like, I think that might be the grift.

00:49:02.000 Maybe she was willing to get on the plane.

00:49:03.000 Maybe.

00:49:04.000 Because tell me what her hustle is going to be.

00:49:08.000 Unless she says, you wire me the money and I'll buy the ticket.

00:49:12.000 That's obviously you're just going to keep the money.

00:49:13.000 But a plane ticket, you can't sell that.

00:49:16.000 Anyway, sorry, go back.

00:49:18.000 Insufficient phones, yeah.

00:49:19.000 845, isn't that upstate New York?

00:49:21.000 Yeah.

00:49:22.000 It wasn't down.

00:49:24.000 Was there some numbers missing?

00:49:25.000 What was going on?

00:49:28.000 It looks like the reservation was canceled automatically because there were insufficient funds in your account.

00:49:36.000 Next to a champagne flute with diamond earrings.

00:49:38.000 Your bank did not allow us to collect the payment.

00:49:41.000 The payment has never been charged.

00:49:43.000 Has never been charged?

00:49:45.000 No.

00:49:45.000 Do you know what math is?

00:49:48.000 Do you know how numbers work?

00:49:50.000 Start with building blocks.

00:49:53.000 So that's the end of that one?

00:49:54.000 Yep.

00:49:56.000 Okay, so I think we have one more.

00:49:57.000 How are we doing for time here?

00:49:59.000 Doing good.

00:50:00.000 We're at 17 minutes.

00:50:01.000 We have one more where he's come back from Mexico.

00:50:04.000 She's still angry with him.

00:50:05.000 I'm starting to like her.

00:50:08.000 She's not doing anything wrong.

00:50:09.000 I mean, yes, it was she did commit fraud when she said there was a problem with my passport on the first meetup.

00:50:17.000 But whatever.

00:50:17.000 It's sort of like, remember that Russian chick who went to prison for hustling everyone, saying that she was a Rockefeller or something like that?

00:50:25.000 And they went on these lavish trips and she would say, I'll pay half.

00:50:30.000 And then they get this big fancy hotel and live like kings.

00:50:33.000 She's just hanging out with the richest people in the country.

00:50:35.000 And then she'd go, oh, shit, I forgot my wallet. 0.79

00:50:36.000 And then they would have to pay for the hotel.

00:50:39.000 And then she tried to get a loan from the bank to open a nightclub for $20 million. 1.00

00:50:43.000 And she said, I'm a Rockefeller.

00:50:44.000 And they said, well, that doesn't pan out.

00:50:47.000 I don't really know what she did that was wrong.

00:50:49.000 I mean, if I walk into a bank and say, hi, I'm a Rockefeller.

00:50:52.000 Can I have 20 million?

00:50:53.000 Is that illegal?

00:50:54.000 Obviously, the bank's going to say, well, we need collateral.

00:51:00.000 Why would we just give you the money based on what you say your name is?

00:51:03.000 So the same with this chick. 1.00

00:51:05.000 Outside of the lie where she said there was something wrong with my passport, that's committing fraud.

00:51:09.000 That's stealing.

00:51:10.000 But outside of those, saying, hey, my husband, I love you.

00:51:14.000 Send me $800 for flowers.

00:51:16.000 It's unethical.

00:51:17.000 I don't want anyone I know or love to be involved in anything close to that.

00:51:22.000 But as far as like the hardcore, I don't know, like laws of a society, a fool and his money are soon parted.

00:51:33.000 Look at him.

00:51:37.000 Really?

00:51:39.000 Who are you texting?

00:51:41.000 You can tell the producer wants to just rescue him.

00:51:47.000 Good morning, my husband.

00:51:50.000 My love.

00:51:52.000 I'm texting Maria.

00:51:55.000 I've been back from Mexico for two weeks where I was supposed to meet my Ukrainian girlfriend Maria for the first time.

00:52:01.000 I got a lot of letters, by the way, people saying, fuck you, she's a seven at best. 1.00

00:52:07.000 We really have to recalibrate this entire country's rating system.

00:52:11.000 I'm not a blonde guy, but calling that a seven is just retarded. 1.00

00:52:15.000 It kind of implies that you're a spoiled brat.

00:52:18.000 I mean, just the bone structure and everything.

00:52:20.000 You could be from outer space.

00:52:21.000 You could be an animal.

00:52:22.000 You could be an elk.

00:52:24.000 And you could come and go, oh, no.

00:52:29.000 It's just a fact.

00:52:31.000 For the first time.

00:52:32.000 After five long years of dating online.

00:52:35.000 No.

00:52:36.000 But I never.

00:52:37.000 You're not dating, Caesar.

00:52:40.000 Neither is she.

00:52:41.000 Neither is she.

00:52:43.000 Maria in person because the ticket that I bought her was canceled.

00:52:48.000 There was a flight canceled.

00:52:49.000 Yeah, and I will.

00:52:51.000 She blamed me for it.

00:52:53.000 I think she's right.

00:52:54.000 And then she broke up with me.

00:52:56.000 Yeah.

00:52:57.000 Maybe somewhere next flight.

00:52:58.000 We're going to meet her.

00:53:00.000 At least it's over, right, folks at home?

00:53:00.000 Okay, good.

00:53:02.000 Now we can get on with our lives?

00:53:04.000 Yeah.

00:53:04.000 Does that mean it's over?

00:53:05.000 Is that it?

00:53:09.000 Are you going to be doing Coke off of that soon?

00:53:12.000 Even though Maria broke my heart, since I've been home, we've been talking again.

00:53:17.000 I'm not going to give up on her.

00:53:20.000 I started talking to Maria about a week after I left from Mexico.

00:53:27.000 She actually text messaged me first.

00:53:30.000 And so the first text was, you know, I'm sorry about the problem that happened.

00:53:35.000 Can we start over again?

00:53:36.000 Start over.

00:53:37.000 And I really do love you.

00:53:38.000 And I want to, you know, love you and give you a kiss.

00:53:41.000 Stop.

00:53:42.000 Stop, stop, stop, stop.

00:53:45.000 I can't take it anymore.

00:53:46.000 I can't take it anymore.

00:53:58.000 Steppa.

00:53:59.000 Are you my steppa?

00:54:01.000 Stepa.

00:54:02.000 Should I invite you to my Christmas party?

00:54:04.000 Hell yeah, bro.

00:54:05.000 I guess so, right?

00:54:06.000 I don't know who to invite because I have my different scenes.

00:54:10.000 I have my happy hour bar by the studio in Manhattan.

00:54:13.000 Then I have my local dive bar in the Burbs.

00:54:16.000 Then I have my gym friends, boxing friends.

00:54:20.000 I fucking tore up Tommy today.

00:54:22.000 Tommy, if you're listening.

00:54:23.000 Sorry, dude.

00:54:25.000 Is that the huge one?

00:54:26.000 Yeah.

00:54:28.000 Overhand right.

00:54:29.000 You really got him?

00:54:30.000 Yeah, I got him twice.

00:54:31.000 It was an overhand right.

00:54:32.000 But you know what he did to me?

00:54:34.000 He was getting tired and he wanted to tire me out, so he just barreled at me like a rhinoceros.

00:54:39.000 Now, no fear.

00:54:41.000 Larry Barnes told me when someone comes at you, he would do it with the pads sometimes.

00:54:45.000 He'd crowd me and he'd say, push me off you, push me off you.

00:54:48.000 So I would do that.

00:54:49.000 But when you're pushing off Tommy, who's 260 pounds, you're draining your legs, your arms, your core, everything is pushing back on this guy.

00:54:59.000 So he brought my gas tank down to E. And he goes, why didn't you pivot, dumbass?

00:55:06.000 Oh, you're supposed to like bullfight him?

00:55:07.000 Yes.

00:55:08.000 He goes, ole me.

00:55:09.000 Ole me.

00:55:10.000 Yeah.

00:55:12.000 And then I said, wait, did you spell that L-A-Y?

00:55:15.000 Because I'm not fucking you.

00:55:16.000 I'm married.

00:55:17.000 Why do you want to get with me?

00:55:18.000 Olay me.

00:55:19.000 Oh, will you lay me?

00:55:21.000 That's an Irish fucking. 1.00

00:55:21.000 That's an Irish fuck yeah. 1.00

00:55:24.000 What about this guy?

00:55:26.000 I hate fighting tall guys.

00:55:28.000 The overhand right is your only hope.

00:55:30.000 Now, as long as they're in the same weight class, this height difference is allowed to happen, right?

00:55:34.000 Oh, yeah.

00:55:34.000 It's all a weight.

00:55:35.000 Yeah.

00:55:37.000 But that reach.

00:55:39.000 Look at him.

00:55:43.000 I have another technique, too.

00:55:45.000 I start acting like a dumb lunatic.

00:55:48.000 Like spinning around or going, I told you about the monkey thing.

00:55:52.000 And it actually is effective because it shows that I'm not really scared.

00:55:58.000 What did he do?

00:55:58.000 Kick him in the knee?

00:55:59.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:56:00.000 I guess you got a UFC type of thing.

00:56:04.000 I guess we don't need the music for that.

00:56:07.000 Right behind the high cheese.

00:56:10.000 He kept working at it for a while.

00:56:11.000 He snapped a ligament or there or something?

00:56:12.000 Yeah, he was working at it for a while.

00:56:14.000 I don't like Muay Thai.

00:56:18.000 I mean, I guess it's funner to watch because there's more action, but you have your thing.

00:56:23.000 And I know my thing isn't better.

00:56:25.000 I've heard great arguments for MMA that it's better than boxing.

00:56:28.000 I'm sorry, I just like boxing better.

00:56:30.000 I gotta watch some Mike Tyson fights.

00:56:32.000 Who's that?

00:56:34.000 I think that's Mike Tyson.

00:56:36.000 Is it not?

00:56:36.000 Is it?

00:56:37.000 What an age leg he was. 0.99

00:56:40.000 Look at that poor bastard. 0.92

00:56:42.000 There he is.

00:56:43.000 You're dead, sir.

00:56:44.000 Excuse me, sir.

00:56:46.000 Oh, man.

00:56:47.000 You forgot something.

00:56:49.000 Lights out.

00:56:51.000 Let's look at Larry Barnes.

00:56:54.000 You want to hear something?

00:56:55.000 Please don't give this away.

00:56:57.000 I don't think anyone has any way of contacting him, but we got him these pads that say Larry Barnes on them.

00:57:05.000 Yeah.

00:57:06.000 And so we're going to be fucking with them this weekend and be like, you were a world champ.

00:57:11.000 Look at you now.

00:57:12.000 Look at those pads, raggedy ass pads. 1.00

00:57:14.000 You were dope.

00:57:15.000 Yeah.

00:57:16.000 Is that Trinidad?

00:57:17.000 Yeah.

00:57:18.000 I've seen that one too many times.

00:57:19.000 Show another one.

00:57:22.000 And then he's, you got to watch it with those old school guys, though.

00:57:26.000 Like, sometimes I fuck with them and be like, what the fuck you looking at?

00:57:29.000 You want to go?

00:57:30.000 You want to go right now?

00:57:32.000 Let me get my gear on.

00:57:33.000 I'll go, I swear to God, I'm working hard not to laugh, but I go, I swear to God, I will knock the fucking black out of you. 1.00

00:57:38.000 I will punch you so hard you go out this fucking window. 0.99

00:57:41.000 Then I'll run downstairs and I'll fucking knock you out before you hit the ground. 1.00

00:57:44.000 I'm happy to go back to Rikers any fucking time, old man.

00:57:48.000 But then one time I said, you want to do this, Larry?

00:57:52.000 Just keep pushing fucking Trinidad 2. 1.00

00:57:54.000 And then he goes, oh, watch yourself.

00:57:56.000 Watch yourself.

00:57:57.000 That's the one.

00:57:59.000 I'm sorry, Mr. Barnes.

00:58:01.000 Doing the jokey tough guy thing that we like to do.

00:58:04.000 One time we were outside and I was getting onto my bike and he's like, yo, what the fuck?

00:58:10.000 I'm right here outside.

00:58:13.000 And I go, oh, once I get mad, I can't get unmad.

00:58:17.000 Once the train leaves the station, you're a dead man.

00:58:20.000 And this almost made him crack up by go, trains don't do U-turns, motherfucker.

00:58:24.000 That's hilarious.

00:58:26.000 And then we're right by a pizza place, right?

00:58:29.000 And the Guys from the pizza place start coming up going, come on, man.

00:58:34.000 Hey, guys.

00:58:37.000 And we made a pact that day that if the cops ever come, we have to not keep character.

00:58:42.000 Yeah.

00:58:42.000 We're not going to shove each other, but just be like, this guy's been talking shit, writing checks.

00:58:46.000 His ass can't cash.

00:58:47.000 Yeah, yeah.

00:58:48.000 And the cops are like, just calm now.

00:58:50.000 I don't know, man.

00:58:51.000 That's great.

00:58:52.000 But anyway, we're going to go, your pads suck. 1.00

00:58:54.000 What the fuck?

00:58:55.000 And then here, show him.

00:58:59.000 And then after.

00:59:01.000 Oh, he's looking tired there.

00:59:02.000 Whoa.

00:59:03.000 He would run 12 miles a day.

00:59:07.000 See, the thing about little guys is they stay inside.

00:59:11.000 What's this guy doing?

00:59:14.000 Oh, you see that?

00:59:14.000 He got a right out of nowhere.

00:59:18.000 Look, he's being arrogant, but every time Larry takes a pause, he nails him on the inside.

00:59:25.000 That's a whole other field of boxing when you're on the inside.

00:59:28.000 Look at this asshole just laughing him off.

00:59:32.000 Boom! 0.99

00:59:35.000 So anyway, we're going to end it with, you should have pads like these.

00:59:38.000 These are much nicer.

00:59:39.000 And they'll say Larry Barnes, beautiful stitched on leather letters.

00:59:43.000 Like they're really fancy.

00:59:45.000 We all pitched it.

00:59:46.000 That's really cool.

00:59:47.000 Yeah, and I like telling people that publicly that I bought a black guy a present because it makes me look benevolent.

00:59:54.000 Yeah, look, I gave shirts to a chink. 1.00

00:59:57.000 Yeah, I'm giving shirts to Nips. 1.00

01:00:00.000 Oh, by the way, please donate to our charity, Shirts to Nips.

01:00:04.000 Yes, please.

01:00:04.000 It's helping the Japanese homeless.

01:00:07.000 And there's been a lot of blowback with the URL and the fact that the shirts say shirts for nips on them.

01:00:13.000 They're losing sight of that it's helping.

01:00:15.000 I did not know it was a negative racial epithet.

01:00:18.000 I was abbreviating Nipon.

01:00:20.000 Yes.

01:00:21.000 And I have now learned better.

01:00:23.000 I don't understand why that country in Africa is allowed to be called the N-word when I'm the bad guy for starting shirts for nips. 1.00

01:00:31.000 Nips, yeah. 0.99

01:00:32.000 That's like Deutschland Dois or something.

01:00:36.000 Yeah.

01:00:38.000 You know, you can't, we're giving to charity, but I don't know why we have to be flattering at the same time.

01:00:44.000 Yeah, if you're giving them free shit, you should at least be able to insult them a little bit.

01:00:48.000 Yeah, like you give a homeless man a couple bucks.

01:00:51.000 You're like, get a fucking job, though.

01:00:52.000 Seriously.

01:00:53.000 Yeah, get a fucking job.

01:00:54.000 Fuck.

01:00:55.000 That's like that chick, the drug dealer from the other, or the drug eat from the other show who's looking for.

01:01:00.000 Mikey! 0.65

01:01:01.000 Fucking get him!

01:01:03.000 Fucking get Mikey!

01:01:05.000 All right, I need to put them on the board.

01:01:07.000 Anytime there's a Mikey.

01:01:08.000 The fuck, though, it was like she probably scraped her lips off. 1.00

01:01:13.000 Can we see Larry Barnes knock someone out, please?

01:01:15.000 Yep.

01:01:18.000 Bam! 0.98

01:01:19.000 I always ask him a question, like, I find it trouble.

01:01:22.000 Like, getting in a left hook, I feel like there's so much warning that I'm just, here comes the left hook.

01:01:27.000 He's like, no, you gotta get down.

01:01:29.000 Then what happens?

01:01:29.000 Bam, bam!

01:01:31.000 I'm like, oh, chill oot.

01:01:36.000 Glenwood Browns, I think he serves it to him there, right?

01:01:40.000 He called me the mayor of Cupcakeville today.

01:01:42.000 That's not nice.

01:01:43.000 He said, you a mayor of Cupcakeville with Twinkie Fillin.

01:01:48.000 Unless you like baking a lot, I think he was insulting you.

01:01:50.000 I believe it was derogatory.

01:01:52.000 Yes.

01:01:54.000 He would run 12 miles a day.

01:01:55.000 There he is.

01:02:00.000 This is a very black episode, huh?

01:02:02.000 Yeah, it's a bluff episode.

01:02:04.000 I should submit this to B.E.T. It's a white guy who's really into black stuff. 0.82

01:02:10.000 Reggae and boxing.

01:02:13.000 It's called Everyone in LA.

01:02:17.000 No Fear, that's what they call him.

01:02:19.000 You can kind of tell, right?

01:02:21.000 He's like a little worker bee.

01:02:23.000 He's a dung beetle.

01:02:25.000 He's just doing the job.

01:02:29.000 Does he have a box, Ryan?

01:02:30.000 Does he have a clean scout?

01:02:32.000 Because you're so petite, you're baby Yoda-sized, you'll be in a low-weight class, and then you've got broad shoulders and good arms, so you're kind of designed for it.

01:02:41.000 I'll try it out.

01:02:42.000 You should come this Saturday when we give him the mitts.

01:02:46.000 So you do do it on the weekends?

01:02:46.000 Oh, okay.

01:02:48.000 You go to the gym?

01:02:49.000 I don't do it on the weekends.

01:02:50.000 It's so packed.

01:02:51.000 And you get one sparring round in, and then you have to wait for like six other people.

01:02:54.000 You're sitting there in that stupid head thing that makes me feel claustrophobic.

01:02:58.000 You know what happened today?

01:02:59.000 This is so gay. 1.00

01:03:01.000 But I'm talking to Huey, and he's got his mouthpiece on, and he's telling some story about conspiracy theories.

01:03:07.000 And he gets this big thing, a spit on me.

01:03:10.000 And I'm like, dude, look at the size of that.

01:03:12.000 Are you calling out?

01:03:13.000 Yeah, I go, that's like a pint glass of gob you just left.

01:03:17.000 And he's like, oh, sorry, you got the mouth leaf in.

01:03:21.000 And then another one hits me.

01:03:22.000 And I'm like, what the fuck?

01:03:23.000 Oh, you know what it is.

01:03:24.000 It's condensation from the pipes.

01:03:27.000 And I go, but I don't see any wet spots on the pipes.

01:03:32.000 But there it goes again.

01:03:33.000 Is that spit or condensation?

01:03:34.000 Then I look over and Coach Ryan has a water pistol across the ring and he's just been going.

01:03:40.000 That's funny, dude.

01:03:41.000 And that's the best case scenario when you're fucking with people is to see them going, what the hell is you just spit on me?

01:03:48.000 It's like that thing where you tap someone on the shoulder.

01:03:51.000 Or one time I was in Britain.

01:03:53.000 I was like 18, coming back from four months in Europe, just touring squats as a punk.

01:03:59.000 And I knew I was going to miss my plane because I was stupid enough to take the train and I miscalculated how long it was going to take.

01:04:05.000 So as a Scotsman, when we're freaking out and it's a major catastrophe, we start farting.

01:04:10.000 And I was letting these stress farts that could easily melt steel.

01:04:15.000 Like, I think if you put your hand near my ass, it would come out looking like Freddie's face.

01:04:20.000 It was shocking.

01:04:22.000 And it was a level of stench that was so bad that people didn't think it was poo.

01:04:28.000 That's happened to me twice.

01:04:29.000 They thought it was like the pass by a dead carcass of an animal or something.

01:04:33.000 Exactly.

01:04:34.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:04:35.000 Some woman got on the train and she goes, oh my God. 1.00

01:04:39.000 And then she says to her woman, do you smell that? 0.99

01:04:40.000 And he goes, yeah, what happens is a lot of the time rats will get caught in the sort of air ducts and then they'll die there and they rot.

01:04:48.000 Again, no one knows what they're talking about.

01:04:51.000 Then they'll rot in the air ducts and then that gets filtered through.

01:04:54.000 Yeah, it will probably be handled, you know, at the end of the night.

01:04:56.000 But until then, of course, we'll have to inhale this carcass of a dead rat.

01:05:01.000 No, it's me, asshole.

01:05:02.000 I farted.

01:05:03.000 They're talking about your asshole.

01:05:05.000 My asshole.

01:05:06.000 He has theories about my butthole.

01:05:07.000 That it is that of a button.

01:05:08.000 I should have said that.

01:05:09.000 Do you have any more theories about my butthole, sir?

01:05:13.000 Another time it happened, I was in a cab, and I wasn't stressed out that time.

01:05:17.000 I don't know why I had a Freddy face melter, but I let one go.

01:05:22.000 And my wife says to the cab driver, do you smell that?

01:05:26.000 And you know what he said?

01:05:28.000 He goes, yes, we were in like an industrial part of Jersey.

01:05:31.000 And he's like, yes, this is a very industrial section.

01:05:34.000 There are a lot of factories and manufacturing here.

01:05:37.000 So this could be all kinds of things, maybe plastics.

01:05:40.000 Or there could be a dead rat in the back seat, up Gavin's ass.

01:05:45.000 You smell like an industrial city.

01:05:48.000 My butthole either smells like a dead rat or an industry.

01:05:56.000 Shall we check some Mizale?

01:06:01.000 Ryan, shut up, you don't have a dad.

01:06:06.000 Let's turn our eyes to Gavin's male bad. 0.88

01:06:11.000 Let me touch it.

01:06:14.000 This is from Jani.

01:06:16.000 I'm not sure if that's male or female.

01:06:17.000 Hi there, Gabby and Rye Fry.

01:06:19.000 I just wanted to share this podcast with you that I just heard with the most whiny millennial Native American, in lots of quotes, trying to sabotage a podcast about a racist video game with these nerds who are totally unaware of what's happening, mostly because he's so conflict avoidant, just say chicken, that even his huge stand sounds like he's at gunpoint. 0.99

01:06:40.000 You've made mentions about poor adrenaline control before, and this is a textbook case.

01:06:44.000 Skip to 24 minutes in.

01:06:46.000 Earwolf episode, Custer's Revenge.

01:06:49.000 I assume you were digging this up.

01:06:52.000 A thing that like, it would be hard for me to be on this episode of the show without talking about something that I think is kind of an elephant in the room for me at least.

01:07:00.000 And that's like tokenization.

01:07:02.000 Sure.

01:07:03.000 And what I mean by that is, and like I'm being like, this is like not a bit super serious.

01:07:09.000 I think I'm the only Native American who asked you out on the show, right?

01:07:12.000 Yes.

01:07:13.000 Gross.

01:07:14.000 Tokenization.

01:07:16.000 I'm dubious of your Native Americanness. 1.00

01:07:18.000 Which one is it?

01:07:18.000 Him in the middle?

01:07:19.000 The guy in the middle.

01:07:21.000 If you're not 25%, you're not an Indian. 0.99

01:07:24.000 If people don't ask you if you're Asian, you're not an Indian.

01:07:28.000 And with my wife's tribe, it literally is 15%.

01:07:34.000 If they're not that, they don't get the checks from the casino.

01:07:38.000 Sorry, keep going.

01:07:42.000 About a video game where the whole point of the game is for General Custer to rape a Native American woman, and it's for the Thanksgiving episode.

01:07:49.000 That's like, I'm not saying it's not as bad.

01:07:52.000 That's fucked up.

01:07:53.000 And I guess, what the fuck?

01:07:57.000 Just pause.

01:07:58.000 So he's offended that in a video game, General Custer has to rape an Indian woman.

01:08:04.000 Yeah, that's offensive.

01:08:06.000 Congratulations.

01:08:07.000 Do you also hate the video game where innocent black children are lynched?

01:08:12.000 Like, talk about going out on a limb here.

01:08:14.000 Wow, this guy's really politically correct.

01:08:17.000 Thought process in putting this episode together.

01:08:20.000 I mean, you're right to call us out on it.

01:08:23.000 I guess we didn't think about the tokenization of it that much.

01:08:26.000 We thought of you as a gamer, and we thought of you, we figured we'd want a native perspective on something so grim and so dark.

01:08:34.000 But you're right, it is fucked up to put you in that box and say like, hey, this is your responsibility to come in and talk about this fucked up thing.

01:08:43.000 Yeah, and I mean, it bums me out a lot.

01:08:45.000 And once again, you know, apologies for...

01:08:49.000 These are my emotions.

01:08:50.000 You know, there is this thing oftentimes, especially like with natives and the entertainment industry and the comedy community, and that I'm one of very few.

01:08:58.000 And it's sort of like it's tough because it kind of minimizes us into being less than what we are.

01:09:09.000 Like it kind of puts me into a box of not necessarily being like a super funny comedy writer.

01:09:13.000 And we had like a great conversation before this.

01:09:14.000 And like, you know, you two are people that I really respect.

01:09:18.000 Wait a minute.

01:09:18.000 Like, if you had a white dude talking about it, then that would be shitty appropriation.

01:09:23.000 Hey, Joey, check out this really racist, horrible video game.

01:09:27.000 What are your thoughts?

01:09:28.000 And he's the perfect person to discuss that.

01:09:30.000 He's clearly obsessed with identity politics.

01:09:33.000 I've never heard of the Cowlitz tribe.

01:09:34.000 I'm going to ask my wife if they're bullshit.

01:09:36.000 And you're a comedy writer, so the fact that you would demand that the comedy is removed from that and you speak solemnly about a video game.

01:09:45.000 Also, this is a very un-Indian thing, is to be an uptight little bitch. 1.00

01:09:50.000 Actually, I'm not going to apologize.

01:09:51.000 Yeah, I'm not apologizing.

01:09:52.000 Why would you bring me in here to make me watch this?

01:09:55.000 Do you know how hurtful?

01:09:56.000 Do you know how hard this is for me as an Indian?

01:09:58.000 What fun.

01:09:59.000 You know, there's so few Indian people in this milieu that for you to thrust me into one where a woman gets raped, do you think I like the fact that General Custard raped my great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great-grandmother?

01:10:13.000 Fuck you.

01:10:16.000 What a fucking nerd.

01:10:17.000 It's a cat.

01:10:17.000 Sorry, dude.

01:10:18.000 Your Indian-ness has overtaken your, sorry, your nerdiness has overtaken your Indianness. 0.96

01:10:24.000 All right, so we'll find out if that.

01:10:27.000 But yeah, why can't people say, oh, relax, Jesus Christ, Joey, take a chill pill.

01:10:35.000 Oh, and then he wrote a big article about it.

01:10:39.000 I celebrated Native American Heritage Munch by ruining a comedy podcast. 0.72

01:10:44.000 Yeah.

01:10:44.000 Cool.

01:10:45.000 You did.

01:10:47.000 And the show is called, How Did This Get Played?

01:10:50.000 To reviewing the worst and weirdest video games.

01:10:55.000 Oh, they.

01:10:58.000 Way to go, Joey.

01:10:59.000 We hate your fucking guts now, you stupid cunt.

01:11:04.000 Next letter.

01:11:06.000 From Chris.

01:11:07.000 Gavin said he would be gone and he is gone.

01:11:09.000 Now, no doubt, Gavin and others will be soon to follow.

01:11:13.000 And you'll also notice that No Doubt is not banned.

01:11:17.000 The band, No Doubt?

01:11:19.000 Yeah.

01:11:19.000 The band, No Doubt, isn't banned.

01:11:23.000 Yet I'm banned?

01:11:25.000 Why would they be banned?

01:11:27.000 Because they're Nazis.

01:11:28.000 And they rape Pocahontas. 1.00

01:11:31.000 I didn't know that.

01:11:32.000 Yes.

01:11:33.000 Their first album was called Rape Ahantis.

01:11:35.000 Oh, my lord.

01:11:36.000 Yeah.

01:11:38.000 And they've invaded a video game where black babies are lynched. 0.97

01:11:42.000 Jesus.

01:11:43.000 I know.

01:11:43.000 I was like, I don't like that.

01:11:46.000 The band, no doubt?

01:11:47.000 Yes, the band.

01:11:48.000 Gwen Stefani.

01:11:50.000 She does kind of look like a white supremacist. 1.00

01:11:52.000 Yeah.

01:11:52.000 Well, because the Indian guy hates that Indians are called Indian because he's like, I'm a fucking Indian.

01:11:58.000 And he's misdirected that resentment and directed it on First Nations people, Native Americans, people of the Clifton tribe or whatever that tribe was called.

01:12:06.000 I'm not finding the Rape Haunt us album, but.

01:12:09.000 Well, it was banned.

01:12:10.000 Oh, okay.

01:12:11.000 But No Doubt isn't banned.

01:12:13.000 They were also in the KKK.

01:12:16.000 I don't believe that at all.

01:12:17.000 would I lie?

01:12:18.000 Everyone that's not What?

01:12:25.000 No doubt.

01:12:25.000 Clan.

01:12:29.000 Unity clan pops up.

01:12:30.000 The Indian guy hates it, and that's one of the reasons they broke up and Gwent's Defending Win Solo because she wanted to pursue a career in racism.

01:12:36.000 And then she saw it's bad for business, so they made an album in Jamaica with that, hey, baby.

01:12:40.000 That's them.

01:12:41.000 Is that them?

01:12:42.000 That seems like a really early picture.

01:12:44.000 Unless they put some vintage effects on it.

01:12:45.000 Yeah, it's just black and white.

01:12:47.000 That's no doubt.

01:12:48.000 I'm almost positive that's no doubt.

01:12:49.000 That doesn't look like their body shapes.

01:12:51.000 And why would I don't understand why they would invite me onto this show to discuss such a thing?

01:12:56.000 Yeah, that is a good point.

01:12:57.000 Like, you know how much that's going to fuck me up?

01:13:00.000 Because I'm the token white guy on the show?

01:13:02.000 I'm the only white guy on this show.

01:13:05.000 Every time the clan comes up, I have to be the guy.

01:13:07.000 Good point.

01:13:08.000 To talk about it.

01:13:09.000 It's like, fuck you.

01:13:11.000 You know?

01:13:12.000 Yeah, no, I get it.

01:13:13.000 Makes sense.

01:13:13.000 Now I'm in a bad mood.

01:13:15.000 And trains don't do U-turns.

01:13:17.000 The bad mood train has left the station.

01:13:19.000 This is a screenshot from the music video, Spider Webs.

01:13:23.000 Oh, really?

01:13:26.000 All look like male hands.

01:13:26.000 Which one's Gwen Stefani?

01:13:28.000 I guess the one without the hands on the back, but she's very portly. 1.00

01:13:31.000 She might have stuffed. 0.90

01:13:32.000 Did you know?

01:13:35.000 When my son, my middle son, was really young, like five, he just invented all these sayings.

01:13:41.000 And one of them was, did you know that you're not fair?

01:13:46.000 Or the Bob Marley has begun.

01:13:49.000 Or scientists say when you read a book to love, you just fall apart.

01:13:53.000 I remember hearing something that he said that was so good.

01:13:56.000 He said, my wife picked up her phone once and there was a video on it.

01:13:59.000 And she clicks the phone and he's filming his own face about this far away.

01:14:02.000 He's maybe six when he said this.

01:14:04.000 And he said on her phone, no, no, no, baby, not today.

01:14:13.000 What?

01:14:14.000 What happened?

01:14:14.000 Where's that from?

01:14:15.000 That's funny.

01:14:16.000 He's just a funny fact.

01:14:17.000 Badass means good ass was another one. 0.98

01:14:19.000 And then this one drove me nuts.

01:14:20.000 You're laughing at me, not with me.

01:14:22.000 That one he said so much that I lost my temper a couple times because he would say these things non-bucking stop.

01:14:29.000 But the scientists say.

01:14:32.000 Oh, yeah.

01:14:32.000 And then another thing he did for about a year was bow.

01:14:36.000 I say bow.

01:14:37.000 Bow.

01:14:38.000 And what'd you say?

01:14:39.000 I say bow.

01:14:40.000 I don't know.

01:14:40.000 Anyway, good day.

01:14:42.000 Do you know if free speech is looking to expand rapidly because of the December 10th purge?

01:14:46.000 I don't give a shit about the December 10th purge.

01:14:48.000 I'm already purged.

01:14:50.000 My YouTube channel brings in, I don't know, maybe five subscribers a month.

01:14:54.000 Maybe 10.

01:14:55.000 That master clipper guy probably brings in another 10. 1.00

01:14:59.000 What are we up to now?

01:15:02.000 13,980.

01:15:05.000 So YouTube is a fraction of that.

01:15:08.000 A fracture.

01:15:10.000 With all the conservative YouTube channels disappearing soon, they will need to go somewhere.

01:15:13.000 I don't know.

01:15:14.000 Why don't we try free speech.tv, you stupid turd?

01:15:17.000 Somehow I've been watching, someone I've been watching for quite a while is John Doyle, who is a young guy around 21 who has a YouTube channel called Heck Off, Commie.

01:15:27.000 Check it out.

01:15:28.000 Anyone who the road on the road has a choad, but the nimble symbol fumbles with the thimbles. 0.99

01:15:34.000 Make sure you include superfluous wordplay at the end of your letters, folks.

01:15:40.000 Then he says, Peace nerds.

01:15:41.000 You want to look up John Doyle?

01:15:42.000 Is he worth checking you?

01:15:43.000 You hold down your windows, you turn off your music, both hands on the wheel, and it's like, yeah, it's annoying, but unless you're being pulled over on, what is it, I-80?

01:15:50.000 It's a general rule, the easier you make the cop's job, the easier your life is going to be, roughly speaking.

01:15:56.000 Wait, no, no, no, no.

01:15:57.000 It says Bolsheviks. 0.65

01:15:58.000 Is your washroom breeding Bolsheviks? 0.96

01:16:00.000 It's some propaganda in the back.

01:16:04.000 What's on the lawn next to that poster?

01:16:07.000 Oh, it says, don't let that shadow touch them by war bonds.

01:16:13.000 Oh, so it's an American American.

01:16:13.000 Oh, yeah.

01:16:15.000 Don't let the swastika touch them. 0.88

01:16:17.000 You got the M1 Garan in the background?

01:16:19.000 Okay.

01:16:20.000 So do we start taking all those guys in?

01:16:22.000 I mean, I guess.

01:16:24.000 How many views?

01:16:25.000 How many views does that have?

01:16:28.000 At least one.

01:16:29.000 32,000.

01:16:31.000 123,000.

01:16:31.000 That's pretty good.

01:16:33.000 Basically, all I care is, will you pay for yourself?

01:16:35.000 There's this guy saying.

01:16:36.000 And if you have 32,000 views per video, you'll probably bring in, I don't know, 50 to 100 subscribers, and that's what?

01:16:43.000 10,000 bucks?

01:16:44.000 Yeah, yeah, yeah, true.

01:16:45.000 This guy, Donut Operator, is real good.

01:16:47.000 Somebody turned me on to him, one of the viewers.

01:16:49.000 Donut Operator.

01:16:52.000 Donut to coast away to Chicago.

01:16:57.000 How many views does he get?

01:16:58.000 2.6 million.

01:16:59.000 Oh, yeah, I know this dude.

01:17:00.000 Yeah, he's great.

01:17:00.000 You know this guy?

01:17:01.000 really good.

01:17:01.000 So yeah, Give me a let me know.

01:17:08.000 And we'll see what we can work out.

01:17:13.000 Ryan's Mailbag 2 is a shitty version of GOML.

01:17:16.000 Thought the show was going to be Ryan blasting through 700 letters, so you're caught up.

01:17:20.000 He sucks.

01:17:20.000 Fuck him.

01:17:21.000 I'm considering raping his mother. 0.86

01:17:24.000 Whoa.

01:17:24.000 Yeah, I think you added that part.

01:17:26.000 Nope.

01:17:26.000 Well, I have access to them.

01:17:28.000 So I'll look.

01:17:29.000 At my own behest.

01:17:30.000 Mine is different than yours.

01:17:32.000 How?

01:17:33.000 Just is.

01:17:35.000 All right.

01:17:36.000 That does happen sometimes.

01:17:37.000 There's weird stuff that happens.

01:17:38.000 Harry f ⁇ ing.

01:17:39.000 Oops, am I supposed to say their names?

01:17:41.000 Check out Jerry Cinnamon, a Scottish singer-songwriter who is a Scotsman I think you appreciate.

01:17:45.000 Great singer who sings with a strong Glasgow accent.

01:17:48.000 Check him out.

01:17:49.000 Okay, fine.

01:17:50.000 Let's check out Jerry Cinnamon, and that'll be it for letters because that was so boring.

01:17:54.000 Jerry Cinnamon.

01:17:56.000 Yeah.

01:17:57.000 Also, Shank Younger is running for something.

01:18:08.000 Nope, that's not there.

01:18:14.000 You're right, Jerry.

01:18:16.000 That's Jerry Cinnamon.

01:18:17.000 Maybe the Swedes love Glasgow, don't they?

01:18:29.000 Do some singing there, Jerry.

01:18:31.000 Come on, Jenny. 0.98

01:19:01.000 Not a lot of black arms there.

01:19:04.000 No, I see zero.

01:19:05.000 It's a lot of pink clapping.

01:19:07.000 It's like a no-doubt concert.

01:19:10.000 That is a no-doubt rally.

01:19:14.000 So all the fucking pale people, by the way. 1.00

01:19:17.000 Why are they so pale?

01:19:19.000 Why are they so white?

01:19:22.000 This looks like a no-doubt concert.

01:19:24.000 I'm a fat pig.

01:19:25.000 That looks like a no-doubt.

01:19:26.000 Bacon concert.

01:19:28.000 Why is he always talking about bacon?

01:19:31.000 Why are those crosses burning?

01:19:35.000 All right.

01:19:37.000 I have two final videos to end the show with.

01:19:39.000 I know it's cleaner to do one, but sometimes I'm not clean.

01:19:43.000 Sometimes I make a video game about raping Indians. 1.00

01:19:46.000 God, what a cunt. 1.00

01:19:47.000 First, he ruins the podcast, and then he writes a big article.

01:19:50.000 Hi, I'm a smug nerd who ruined a podcast.

01:19:53.000 Let's make this all about me and my identity politics.

01:19:59.000 Look what I did.

01:20:00.000 Yeah.

01:20:01.000 Well, this was General Custer's Revenge.

01:20:05.000 I remember when I was a kid, he was like, there's a game where you just go up and bang an Indian chick.

01:20:09.000 Wait, we don't know if it's rape. 0.94

01:20:12.000 I think she's tied to a thing, though.

01:20:14.000 I don't see any ties.

01:20:16.000 But her hands are behind her back.

01:20:17.000 All right, a lot of guys want to fuck me. 0.99

01:20:19.000 So how about this?

01:20:20.000 If you can make it through a sea of arrows and get to me, then we'll fuck.

01:20:23.000 Yeah, maybe.

01:20:24.000 She's like, I'll be safe.

01:20:25.000 And she is safe.

01:20:26.000 My brother and all his friends are going to be shooting arrows from about 40 feet away.

01:20:31.000 And if you can peg me, then you can have me.

01:20:35.000 If they don't peg you, you can peg me.

01:20:36.000 No, maybe you're right because she's totally safe.

01:20:38.000 Yeah, she's like this.

01:20:39.000 What do we got?

01:20:40.000 Yep.

01:20:43.000 No joking.

01:20:48.000 I missed this on the last show.

01:20:50.000 And it's a great example.

01:20:51.000 See if you can find yesterday's notes.

01:20:53.000 Lena, finding Lena or something.

01:20:56.000 So when you're trying to pixelize an image, you obviously need an image to discuss.

01:21:02.000 And one of the sort of base images they used was this centerfold from 1962.

01:21:07.000 What's it called?

01:21:09.000 So it's called Lena.

01:21:11.000 And it was this 1962, I think, Playmate cover centerfold, right?

01:21:17.000 And I don't know, it's got a nice mix of browns and hues, and skin tone is a very hard thing to do because it's easy to do a blue t-shirt, but to get the nuances of skin tone and image.

01:21:26.000 So nerds who do tech with images have been using this as a good baseline.

01:21:31.000 She's got a little butt, whatever. 1.00

01:21:33.000 She's not like, there.

01:21:35.000 And the feminists have shut it down. 1.00

01:21:38.000 There's this whole movement.

01:21:39.000 They've even found the Playboy model who is like 80 now.

01:21:43.000 And she's like, let's retire this image.

01:21:45.000 Oh, no.

01:21:46.000 Lose Lena.

01:21:47.000 Yeah.

01:21:47.000 And I just thought this is such a great example of the joyless, humorless, shitty, joke-killing, sex-killing, color-killing culture of the left.

01:21:57.000 It's communism.

01:21:58.000 It's gray.

01:22:00.000 It's macabre.

01:22:01.000 It's sad.

01:22:02.000 Add your voice.

01:22:03.000 What does that say?

01:22:04.000 Go back up.

01:22:05.000 Add your voice.

01:22:05.000 No, no, no.

01:22:06.000 What do you mean, add my voice?

01:22:07.000 Oh, whoa.

01:22:08.000 When you move the cursor, it blurs her even more.

01:22:10.000 There's a secret hidden in every snap.

01:22:13.000 Wait, click add your voice.

01:22:14.000 What am I supposed to do?

01:22:15.000 You want me to protest, make the pledge?

01:22:18.000 It's an ad-lib.

01:22:20.000 What do you mean?

01:22:21.000 Like, you have to put your name from city name, support not losing, not using Lena.

01:22:26.000 So they don't want them using this picture anymore.

01:22:29.000 Because you know what it does?

01:22:30.000 It demeans women and the few women that are in these really techie fields feel ostracized. 1.00

01:22:37.000 I can tell you, when I see someone use Groundskeeper Willie in a graphic to help them figure out colors, I am crushed as the only Scottish person in the room.

01:22:48.000 Oh my God, there she is, Queen Killjoy.

01:22:51.000 Just crazy.

01:22:53.000 Lena's photo, cropped and scanned, quickly became the standard reference for computer scientists around the world.

01:22:59.000 Being confronted with the Lena image made me very aware of being one of the only women in the room.

01:23:05.000 When it goes up to the city, they're just ugly, jealous bitches. 1.00

01:23:10.000 Nobody sees you as a woman.

01:23:11.000 By the way, here's something crazy.

01:23:14.000 Playboy and Penhouse, like Penhouse got a little raunchy, but back in the 60s, it was as beautiful as paintings in the museum and just as pornographic.

01:23:22.000 Like I would want, I wouldn't, I never want any female relative of mine, my sister or my wife, to do porn, but 1962 Playboy, and my wife was like 20, I'd go, maybe, yeah.

01:23:37.000 You know what I mean?

01:23:39.000 It's not demeaning.

01:23:40.000 Look at this.

01:23:41.000 Oh, that's a sad.

01:23:43.000 Wait, is that from Glasgow?

01:23:45.000 That's the Pieta, I think, right?

01:23:47.000 No, yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:23:48.000 Oh, there's one sculpture at the Glasgow Art Museum of a man holding his daughter after his wife died and her mother died.

01:23:55.000 It makes you cry to look at it.

01:23:58.000 See if you can find that.

01:24:00.000 Glasgow Museum Sculpture Father Daughter Porn Um Uh Oh, but Jesus Christ.

01:24:13.000 No, no.

01:24:14.000 Did you actually type no?

01:24:15.000 I did not.

01:24:16.000 Isn't that weird?

01:24:17.000 Because everything that I'm looking at is.

01:24:19.000 Glasgow Museum Sculpture Father Consoling Daughter.

01:24:25.000 I got it.

01:24:26.000 Why is there so much porn?

01:24:28.000 I don't know.

01:24:29.000 Okay, it's gotta be here somewhere.

01:24:31.000 It's got to be there somewhere there, Paul.

01:24:33.000 No, that's not there.

01:24:35.000 Grieving, maybe?

01:24:38.000 There it is.

01:24:39.000 Nice.

01:24:40.000 Nice.

01:24:40.000 Kelvin Grove.

01:24:42.000 I don't know, man.

01:24:43.000 You read that plaque?

01:24:44.000 Maybe I was just hungover, but that sculpture made me cry.

01:24:47.000 Being hungover does make you a little makes you very sensitive.

01:24:50.000 And getting old makes you sensitive.

01:24:51.000 I was talking to the white hairs at my local bar about it, and we're like, we're fags. 0.84

01:24:58.000 Like, talk to any man over 50, and you see a long-distance commercial, sobbing.

01:25:05.000 Sobbing.

01:25:06.000 He's a fag. 1.00

01:25:11.000 Yeah, so go back to this idiotic crusade to get rid of a very tasteful picture of a beautiful young woman. 0.90

01:25:18.000 Play that.

01:25:20.000 Doesn't this just sum them up?

01:25:22.000 There's a secret hidden in every snack.

01:25:23.000 Click and share of your digital life.

01:25:27.000 I thought that was me, but it's seven.

01:25:29.000 This is Lenna.

01:25:30.000 Miss November 1972.

01:25:33.000 Or, as others have called her, Tex Original Sin. 0.98

01:25:36.000 Back in the 70s, computer science.

01:25:38.000 They're Puritans. 0.94

01:25:40.000 Yeah.

01:25:40.000 Tech's original sin.

01:25:42.000 They're sexual Puritans. 1.00

01:25:43.000 Now you can dress like a woman and read in front of children, but this. 0.97

01:25:46.000 Yeah, you can be a drag queen who twerks in front of four-year-olds. 1.00

01:25:50.000 That's not a sin.

01:25:51.000 If you wear a butt plug in your boat while you're reading to children, that's your business.

01:25:54.000 You can flash children your genitalia, your cock and balls while you wear a dress, but God forbid, we should have a picture of the top of a woman's butt crack. 1.00

01:26:03.000 Your drag name could be Annie Christ or Lucy Fur, which are real.

01:26:08.000 Yeah, Annie Christ, actual drag queen who reads to kids. 1.00

01:26:12.000 We're not joking.

01:26:13.000 We're trying to figure out how to turn physical photos into digital bits.

01:26:16.000 To test their algorithms, they used Lena.

01:26:20.000 How dare they?

01:26:21.000 They probably did it with hatred too.

01:26:22.000 They're like, look at this bitch. 1.00

01:26:23.000 I'm going to use her colors.

01:26:24.000 Yeah.

01:26:25.000 Whore. 1.00

01:26:25.000 Women are whores. 1.00

01:26:27.000 Meant to be used color things.

01:26:29.000 Yeah, that's why I chose it.

01:26:31.000 We should have used a fat, ugly woman. 1.00

01:26:33.000 When it goes up on the screen, it's like everyone laughs.

01:26:37.000 Well, not everyone.

01:26:38.000 Plus, the Lena image.

01:26:40.000 Not everyone on this show.

01:26:42.000 Dude, from now on, start time coding moments like that.

01:26:47.000 Little raptures.

01:26:48.000 Little microcosmic moments that sum up the big picture, the big problem.

01:26:53.000 Like in, was it yesterday's show or the day before where that guy said, you don't always know what's best for your child.

01:27:00.000 He said, the community in the school should raise your children, not you.

01:27:04.000 And then this thing where she's like, not everyone laughed.

01:27:08.000 What was the raising the children thing?

01:27:10.000 We were talking about that.

01:27:12.000 It was on Summit.news.

01:27:13.000 I can find it, but he said, the community should raise your kids, not you.

01:27:18.000 You don't always know what's best for your kids.

01:27:19.000 And he was talking about your kids being trans and having a drag queen story hour.

01:27:24.000 And if you're offended by that, well, you're stupid.

01:27:25.000 I'll handle your kid.

01:27:27.000 Thank you.

01:27:27.000 I'll control it.

01:27:28.000 Which goes back to Coach D at New Rochelle High School, who was fired because he called a drunk girl's mom, who was his brother's sister.

01:27:37.000 Because family doesn't pull rank on your family now, the state, the nanny state.

01:27:43.000 It's gone beyond nanny state.

01:27:44.000 Now it's mommy state.

01:27:45.000 Weird.

01:27:47.000 The Lena image made me very aware of being one of the only women in the fuck off. 1.00

01:27:51.000 So let's retire one.

01:27:51.000 What's bad about that?

01:27:53.000 Isn't that kind of empowering?

01:27:53.000 Oh, positive.

01:27:54.000 This is another trick they do where they go, we're just retiring one image.

01:27:59.000 Like with the pronouns, I heard someone say, all you have to do when you get someone's pronouns is put it in your phone.

01:28:04.000 So when you see Ryan, you know it's himself, herself, or Lando Calarisian.

01:28:08.000 And it's a really easy way to remember.

01:28:10.000 What, you can't just do that?

01:28:12.000 It's just one image.

01:28:14.000 This is because women got into tech about less than 10 years ago. 1.00

01:28:18.000 And now they're like, I'm uncomfortable and I'm empowered.

01:28:20.000 And they're like, this is, we're uncomfortable because you don't belong there.

01:28:23.000 You ever consider that?

01:28:24.000 Listen, I'm not going to be able to do anything.

01:28:26.000 I wonder why this hideous old scrotum with earrings isn't into seeing beautiful, pulcritudinous women. 1.00

01:28:35.000 I wonder why.

01:28:36.000 I wonder why this sophomore in college who can't keep up with the rest of the class decided to outlin a lot of money to help make millions of women feel welcome.

01:28:48.000 Millions?

01:28:48.000 Really?

01:28:49.000 It's time for gender diversity.

01:28:51.000 Because your montage of women's faces is a documentary. 0.52

01:28:56.000 I mean, that little teaser was already too much.

01:28:59.000 But how do you go on and on and on about that?

01:29:03.000 Do you have more of the documentary?

01:29:04.000 What does that old bag say?

01:29:06.000 This is not the old bag stuff.

01:29:08.000 God, she was a fucking smokeshow. 1.00

01:29:11.000 You were hot.

01:29:11.000 She was crazy.

01:29:13.000 She's still pretty good for whatever she is. 1.00

01:29:15.000 And you won't wear any more spots.

01:29:17.000 She was probably 20 and 72.

01:29:19.000 She's 70 years old.

01:29:21.000 She's looking great.

01:29:23.000 Yeah.

01:29:24.000 But her image was, it's cropped, so you don't see any nudity, and it's immortalized in the tech realm. 0.98

01:29:31.000 And she never thought that she would live that long.

01:29:33.000 And she had the paintings in the Louvre.

01:29:36.000 Yeah.

01:29:36.000 And now she doesn't get to have that anymore.

01:29:39.000 No, well, she joined this silly game.

01:29:41.000 It's like Margaret Atwood when they did The Handmaid's Tale.

01:29:43.000 And she went, yeah, it's about Mike Pence.

01:29:46.000 Wait, go back to that chick. 1.00

01:29:47.000 The way I was treated was sort of like my ideas didn't matter.

01:29:54.000 Maybe they sucked.

01:29:55.000 Yeah.

01:29:56.000 I'll tell you how the way you were treated.

01:29:58.000 Of the 98% nerds in your class had a boner and were drooling and were so nervous that they shit their pants every time you looked at them.

01:30:05.000 Or they were nagging you because they tease what they like, you know?

01:30:09.000 Yeah, at best.

01:30:10.000 Right.

01:30:11.000 Yeah, yeah.

01:30:11.000 They were petrified of you, my dear.

01:30:13.000 They always drop nerds to walk in and go, hey, look at Tits over here. 1.00

01:30:18.000 She thinks that she can work with tech. 0.98

01:30:20.000 She's going to make a fucking pixelization over here. 1.00

01:30:23.000 Nice try, Toots.

01:30:24.000 Why don't you get me a coffee?

01:30:26.000 Fucking bitch. 1.00

01:30:27.000 I'm a nerd.

01:30:28.000 They were shivering and stuttering, like, because they were making fun of my stutter, which I don't have.

01:30:32.000 Nerds around hot chicks, it's like seeing these hate activists like Andy Campbell or Will Summer or Christopher Matthias.

01:30:40.000 You see them around actual black people and then you just see them go, what up now? 1.00

01:30:44.000 They're incels.

01:30:45.000 They're racial incels.

01:30:48.000 Go back to it.

01:30:49.000 Is that if we don't address the gender gap, fewer and fewer women will have technology skills? 0.94

01:30:55.000 Technology is changing our lives.

01:30:57.000 It's got to do with the hot chick. 0.83

01:30:58.000 Any other industry, Determining what we read, what we see, how we communicate.

01:31:04.000 Young women need to be part of that. 0.99

01:31:06.000 Everybody needs to be part of that.

01:31:08.000 Again, they're speaking in gibberish.

01:31:10.000 There's no concrete point here.

01:31:11.000 I have an idea.

01:31:12.000 What?

01:31:13.000 I want to go do a man on the street thing and kind of ask people, you know, everybody's got a laptop and then ask women and men, what do they do with their laptop?

01:31:21.000 Like, which programs do you usually write and they read?

01:31:24.000 I think that's what I'm going to get from females. 1.00

01:31:26.000 Maybe I'm wrong.

01:31:27.000 And then from guys, I guarantee a lot of them will have the Adobe Suite or they edit videos.

01:31:32.000 Okay.

01:31:32.000 That you won't find a lot of females.

01:31:34.000 I thought you were going to say, I'll show them the Lena picture and explain the context and say, should they stop using this picture?

01:31:39.000 I should involve that as well.

01:31:40.000 That's a much better plan than your weird.

01:31:42.000 It's more on task.

01:31:45.000 Keep it simple, stupid.

01:31:46.000 Especially if you're stupid.

01:31:49.000 Especially if you're simple.

01:31:50.000 One image.

01:31:51.000 Help Lena retire. 1.00

01:31:52.000 So let's retire one image to help make millions of women feel welcome. 1.00

01:31:57.000 There's really millions of women in Pixel technology. 1.00

01:32:00.000 Yeah, can we get another woman to do the narrative? 1.00

01:32:02.000 Let's get rid of one picture to make seven women feel less uptight. 1.00

01:32:06.000 And they'll just jump to a new crusade and piss you off about that because they're like gnats.

01:32:11.000 They're little fucking bitchy spiders. 1.00

01:32:14.000 You know what's funny?

01:32:14.000 This is their legacy.

01:32:15.000 We did a whole website and we took that image down.

01:32:18.000 And they'll be telling that you just made life that 1% less beautiful.

01:32:23.000 Let's retire.

01:32:24.000 They want to uglify the world so they're not ugly anymore.

01:32:29.000 Feel welcome.

01:32:30.000 Millions of women. 0.84

01:32:30.000 Here's four. 0.84

01:32:31.000 Feel welcome?

01:32:32.000 Fuck off.

01:32:33.000 Am I as pink in real life as I am in the monitors?

01:32:37.000 By the way, for 70, my dear, you look fantastic.

01:32:41.000 You should grow your hair longer, though.

01:32:45.000 Bye, everybody.

01:32:46.000 All right, that's the show, but I still want to show these videos.

01:32:48.000 I think we saw one today of an elderly couple of color having a spat, and there's a scene at the end where she slaps him.

01:32:58.000 And I think it's going to join the soundboard.

01:33:00.000 These are some police officers.

01:33:02.000 It looks like the early 90s trying to deal with a domestic. 0.72

01:33:07.000 As long as y'all like beating each other up.

01:33:09.000 Wait, pause, pause.

01:33:10.000 Nudity warning.

01:33:12.000 If there's kids in the room, there's some boobies coming up, and they're not as nice as Lena's. 0.87

01:33:17.000 This is one image we should be getting rid of.

01:33:19.000 Can we just use one police video and make a lot more people, millions of people, more comfortable?

01:33:25.000 It's just her holding the picture, and you zoom out and your tits are hanging below it. 1.00

01:33:28.000 You're like, oh my God, who funded this?

01:33:31.000 Nobody else around here?

01:33:33.000 Everything's going to be a little bit more.

01:33:34.000 I'm going to ban sisters, name them. 1.00

01:33:36.000 Well, that's your decision, man.

01:33:39.000 You know what?

01:33:42.000 Oh, hey, baby, come on. 1.00

01:33:44.000 This is what it's going to take to say the word.

01:33:46.000 Don't get mad here.

01:33:47.000 He's fucking with me.

01:33:48.000 Man, you want to put some clothes on?

01:33:49.000 Pause.

01:33:51.000 These guys know they're being filmed.

01:33:53.000 They also are spreading this out because they realize how funny it is.

01:33:57.000 So he's pretending to be serious, but they're both enjoying the fuck out of this.

01:34:03.000 And there's nothing wrong with that.

01:34:05.000 We're going to go there.

01:34:05.000 Okay.

01:34:06.000 No, no, no, no.

01:34:06.000 I want you to hear them.

01:34:08.000 I want you to hear, though, bro.

01:34:09.000 Listen.

01:34:09.000 You got to.

01:34:11.000 She knows what she's saying.

01:34:12.000 She knows what she's saying.

01:34:13.000 She know what you're doing.

01:34:14.000 Some having O'Lancaster.

01:34:16.000 Some hammer Lancaster.

01:34:21.000 Take that to share them.

01:34:23.000 You can't keep hitting him, okay?

01:34:24.000 If you hit him again, we're going to take you in jail.

01:34:25.000 Don't hit him with the bad.

01:34:28.000 See what I'm saying?

01:34:33.000 Oh, I just hit my head.

01:34:35.000 See, see what I'm saying?

01:34:37.000 That's perfect.

01:34:37.000 That's art.

01:34:38.000 He's my spirit animal.

01:34:40.000 Yes.

01:34:40.000 Go back.

01:34:40.000 This is what this show, if it wasn't called Get Off My Line, it would be called See What I'm Saying?

01:34:46.000 See what I'm saying?

01:34:47.000 That woman says, we need to remove this image for seven women. 1.00

01:34:50.000 Losing.

01:34:51.000 They want to lose some center fault?

01:34:53.000 You see what I'm saying?

01:34:54.000 Yeah.

01:34:54.000 They're nuts.

01:34:56.000 See what I'm saying?

01:34:57.000 Go back.

01:34:58.000 It gets cut too short.

01:35:00.000 I got to have y'all here in order to keep them quiet a bit.

01:35:03.000 Take that to share the money.

01:35:06.000 That was the funniest slap I've ever heard.

01:35:08.000 Keep them quiet a bit.

01:35:09.000 Take that to share the money.

01:35:11.000 You can't keep hitting him, okay?

01:35:12.000 If you hit him again, don't hit him again.

01:35:16.000 See what I'm saying?

01:35:19.000 Does it cut right after saying?

01:35:21.000 Yeah.

01:35:21.000 Wow.

01:35:22.000 It like fat.

01:35:22.000 Well, it doesn't.

01:35:25.000 Yeah, I need to breathe a bit.

01:35:27.000 That's the same problem with spooky air.

01:35:29.000 Yeah, it's gone.

01:35:29.000 It's just done after that, frankly.

01:35:32.000 Okay, so I've been talking a lot about, remember that college Republican where they took his All Lives Matter sign and he went, he starts rocking in his heels and goes, call the police.

01:35:43.000 We're doing it.

01:35:45.000 And I said, can we not have some humor in society, please?

01:35:50.000 Can we not have some fun and some jokes?

01:35:53.000 And when someone is acting like a lunatic, enjoy it.

01:35:55.000 Like those two cops were enjoying their silly domestic and how funny that guy was.

01:36:00.000 Enjoy it.

01:36:01.000 So here is how to handle a dangerous, maniacal, mentally ill lunatic situation with a lady. 0.99

01:36:11.000 There's a bit of a long intro here.

01:36:13.000 Okay, you know what?

01:36:17.000 I can call somebody right now.

01:36:18.000 I can call Jesus.

01:36:21.000 Oh, that's that spirit in you.

01:36:23.000 Come on now.

01:36:23.000 Restore.

01:36:25.000 Mando Rebecusi e le dia.

01:36:28.000 Get away from me.

01:36:30.000 Get away from me.

01:36:33.000 My father's already here.

01:36:34.000 He's omnipotent.

01:36:36.000 He's present.

01:36:38.000 He's a present help in the time of trouble.

01:36:40.000 You're distressed.

01:36:44.000 I can call on Jesus.

01:36:46.000 Wait, did she say so bad?

01:36:47.000 I think she said, I can get someone to kick your ass, or she's about to say that?

01:36:51.000 Really?

01:36:51.000 Yeah.

01:36:54.000 I can call on Jesus.

01:36:56.000 I'm very, very close right now to getting someone who can kick your ass.

01:36:58.000 I'm very, very, very can get somebody to kick your ass. 0.76

01:37:03.000 How much can you?

01:37:04.000 Very, very much.

01:37:05.000 Your distress.

01:37:08.000 I can call on.

01:37:10.000 I'm very, very, very can get someone right now to kick your ass on Jesus. 1.00

01:37:14.000 That's a good t-shirt.

01:37:15.000 He answers prayer.

01:37:17.000 He answers prayer.

01:37:20.000 You go.

01:37:20.000 You leave me alone.

01:37:21.000 You're getting closer to me.

01:37:23.000 Nice CD player boomer.

01:37:25.000 Yeah, what the fuck?

01:37:26.000 I hope it's got the jog proof. 1.00

01:37:27.000 Maybe that's your stopwatch.

01:37:30.000 You're by my car, sweetie.

01:37:32.000 You're by my car.

01:37:34.000 You gone.

01:37:34.000 You gone and be great with your lavender.

01:37:37.000 Go.

01:37:38.000 That's the best line right there.

01:37:39.000 With your lavender.

01:37:41.000 Go.

01:37:42.000 Back to where you came from.

01:37:44.000 You're an asshole.

01:37:44.000 And I believe.

01:37:47.000 Go, sweetie. 0.93

01:37:50.000 Get away. 0.73

01:37:51.000 With your jerry beads.

01:37:53.000 Go.

01:37:53.000 What are jerry beads?

01:37:56.000 I don't know.

01:37:57.000 You're black. 1.00

01:37:58.000 Go.

01:38:00.000 Nobody's following you.

01:38:01.000 You go.

01:38:04.000 Go.

01:38:05.000 You go and be great.

01:38:06.000 You didn't have to.

01:38:07.000 You didn't have to say.

01:38:10.000 You didn't have to say anything to me.

01:38:13.000 I wasn't even talking to you.

Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - December 04, 2019

S02E95 - THE BLACK ALBUM

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